#actuallycdd

[unstablemotions]

Hey, you! You who suspect you might have PTSD, DID or another trauma disorder, but you think you didn't experience trauma "bad enough" to have developed a mental disorder from it? Let me suggest looking at it differently:

"If there's smoke, there's fire"

Do you experience symptoms of PTSD, such as hypervigilance, trouble sleeping, flashbacks, memory problems, dissociation, ect? Then yes, it was "bad enough". Maybe you don't remember anything "really bad" happening or you don't "feel like" it affects you, but listen to your body. The body remembers and the body doesn't care if you think it is "stupid" or "weak" to have a panic attack when someone touches you or that you still have nightmares about that thing you saw when you were 4 years old

Trauma isn't what happened. Trauma is the reaction to what happened. So what I'm trying to say is that if the reason you think you can't have PTSD/DID/OSDD/ect is because you didn't go through anything horrific enough for that, then maybe forget about what happened to you for a moment and just look at the evidence your body and mind are showing. And then, most importantly, be compassionate with yourself. You're going through a lot and it's gonna be okay in the end. Take it easy, okay? <3

#posting now instead of forgetting it in a draft per usual #actually traumatized #actually ptsd #actually did #actually cptsd #actually cdd #actually osdd #actually dissociative #actuallytraumatized #actuallyabused #actuallydissociative #actuallydid #actuallycdd #actuallyptsd #actuallycptsd #actuallyosdd #personal #my posts

[chemicalcarousel]

It's fucking funny when you start to notice the "tells" of certain alters, such as speech patterns, posture, voice pitch, accent, hand gestures, ect.

Like "wait a minute... why am I fucking man spreading like a fucking clown.... oh.... oh it's him."

#idk if this makes sense lol #ours #actuallydid #actually did #actuallyosdd #actuallypdid #actually cdd #actuallycdd #actuallydissociative #actually pdid #actually osdd #actually dissociative #did things #did stuff #cdd things #cdd stuff

[pigeon-system-boys]

Hi!

I really wanna talk with your "scary-looking" and "gross" headmates

I see you, rotting corpses

I see you, guts-out

I see you, person with no face but flesh

I see you, alter with all limbs amputated

I see you, nonhuman horror strait from lovecraft's stories

I see you, even if your eyes can't see me

I see you, human flashlights

I see you, ripped sex-dolls

I see you, a single moving organ

I see you, deformed figures that are not humans anymore

I see you, whos skin is covered full in rot and pus

I see you, "no skin but burns"

I see you, even if I can't even imagine you.

Even if you are not hc-did, even if body survived just SA and you exist now, even if you feel like system have not enoth trauma for your existence.

You are not as disgusting as you think you are, and I see you, and I love you, and you fucking deserve love

-greetings from Stump

#system positivity #did osdd #osdd system #dissociative identity disorder #did #did alter #system alters #dissociative system #actually cptsd #actuallycdd #cdid system #hc did system #hc did #polyfrag did #you are not alone #you are seen

[iwillbreakyourfuckingskull]

when the dissociative identity disorder dissociates your identity

#cant believe that this keeps happening #what utter bs #cdd alter #did alter #actuallycdd #actuallydid #did things #cdd things #did memes #cdd memes #did stuff #cdd stuff #actually did #actually cdd #levi.speaking #my.posts

[system-of-a-feather]

I say this to some of my closer friends, but when it comes to DID I really really really think the number one most helpful perspective things / concepts (that took a lot of work and trust building within the system and a long while to fully understand and internalize) is to look at a lot of the bullshit DID throws at you with a very absurdist view.

Take all the changes and shifts in the system as a "sure why not" or as I echo the improv slogan "yes and". DID and how it works and all the changes and trauma bombs and fusions and splits and structure and and and and... it all gets SUPER confusing and overwhelming and there is a large drive to try to understand what every change means, what every thing a part says and does mean, and all that

But in my experience 9/10 times, it just doesn't really make sense, it seems inefficient, random, unlikely, weird, fake, disproportionate, and/or you just never find it and to find that "correct answer and explanation" you often have to do a shit ton of digging which can be both emotionally and mentally time consuming and often times painful / harmful due to trauma and shit.

9/10 times an explanation you have to dig for won't provide that much more understanding and even less often will it provide something that will actually be applicable to helping your situation.

So largely I take what my brain gives me and look at it at a skin deep level and do what I call "Channel the Himbo" energy and just go through life (in regards to DID) like a dense but free lovable himbo.

Kill (not really) all the overthinking brain cells and just go "Okay sure."

Ever since I picked that up as a core mantra, the sheer amount of stress I - and the system as a whole - had just TANKED cause "DID just be like that" and "it works in wild ways"

And to tie it back to absurdism as a philosophical view, the statement I say is that DID is inherently absurd and it absolutely does not care to make things make sense cause its not a rational and planned coping mechanism - its like a little scared cat scratching at paper and trying to burry it in the litter box and what is left of the page is what we see.

Of course its crazy and weird and makes no sense, why the fuck would it? XD Like genuinely, its a strongly reinforced and maintained coping mechanism subconsciously devised by a like severely traumatized, scared, and confused 4 year old.

#alter: riku #i mean there are exceptions to the last statement #in regards to programming and all #but generally speaking #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #actuallycdd #recovery

[subsystems]

10.2.23

Disclaimer: This is my own musings about plurality. I talk about my personal experience with unification (final fusion) too. Don't read if that upsets you for some reason.

Something I haven't really talked about is my relationship with the idea of plurality. I saw someone talking about how they feel simultaneously plural and not plural, and I find that really relatable.

I used to despise being called plural. It brought me so much shame. Made me feel like this one single symptom of my disability was being cherrypicked and pinned onto me as a label. I felt like my vast and varied experience with DID was minimized for something much more palatable and "fun" to others. It was almost like the full DID was being pushed aside. Like being told "yes, you should continue to hide that and you should continue to be ashamed of it."

I also felt like plurality still applied to me, though. Yes, the blanket definition of plurality does fit me. I am a person who has multiple parts, a plurality of perspectives, I am "more than one." That fits...but that's not all?

I think another thing is that, when I got diagnosed, I didn't even feel plural even though I knew the term technically fit me. I hardly ever felt a presence of parts even though they were there. We hardly talked, hardly wanted to acknowledge each other, even though the evidence was there. For me, it was like being forcibly dragged in and out of existence. Someone else would replace me but I wouldn't know that, wouldn't remember. So, what do you mean that there are systems who never feel lonely or out of control because they're always co-conscious, voluntarily switching, and chatting inside? What do you mean that's even possible? Was I the only one living my own life in slivers and pieces? Was I the only one experiencing the unbearable loneliness that is my DID?

Yeah, I am "more than one" but...

It was complicated. There's probably old posts on my blog where I talk about how I'm not plural even though I have DID. And probably other posts where I'm calling myself plural as if my teeth are clenched. Like it's painful but necessary.

Sometimes I revisit those old feelings, but for the most part I feel at peace with the concept of plurality now. As a young trauma survivor, it was hard to separate the concept itself from the online culture surrounding it. But, ultimately, the way other people experience their plurality doesn't invalidate me. The concept itself doesn't minimize or shame me. It's just a word for an experience, in the same way that dissociation and flashbacks are words for experiences. The way these things are treated and talked about are ripe for criticism, not the experiences themselves. It's nice to have words for them.

And there's no universal way of "being more than one" because it ranges on a spectrum of experiences. Much in the same way dissociation can be mild or extreme, be it brought on by trauma, mental disorders, religious practices, drugs, or other things. Who fucking cares.

But when I think about it...when did I start actually feeling plural despite always fitting the concept? Out of anything, I think unification (final fusion) was actually what helped me finally feel my own plurality. Isn't that interesting?

Unification was when we finally felt each other. I feel the entire multitude because I am it. We're all together, all at once, at all moments. We're constantly in communication. There's no blocks, no separations, no barriers. I'm all of us and we're all of me: a big bundle of parts, connected together like a constellation.

That feels more like plurality than anything I ever felt before.

#sunflower posts #actuallydid #actuallyplural #actuallydissociative #actuallycdd #actuallymultiple #plurality #DID recovery #dissociative identity disorder #long post #personal experiences #final fusion

[ptsd-phoenix]

Huge shoutout to those who have been diagnosed with the same (mental) illness as their abuser(s). Who fear they might turn out to be abusive themselves because of their diagnosis. Who get triggered by the name of their diagnosis and the symptoms it brings because it is so strongly associated to their abuse. Whose abuse has made them scared and prejudiced of people with the same diagnosis and are now unsure and conflicted on how to feel about themselves. Who have a hard time researching their illness and treatment options because the association to their abuse triggers them too badly to continue reading about it. Who may end up discovering articles and videos warning people about their diagnosis and falsely claiming that they are abusive because of their diagnosis, but feeling strongly that the articles are correct because of their own experience being abused.

I see you and you are strong. Your diagnosis does not make you inherently abusive. You are nothing like them. You are your own person making your own choices. Abusing people is a choice, so as long as you do not make that choice you have nothing to fear. I hope that with time and possible therapy you are able to accept your own diagnosis as a seperate thing from your abuse. They are not inherently connected, they only share an association. Don't lose hope, I believe in you.

#actuallytraumatized #actuallyabused #actuallyptsd #traumacore #abuse survivor #actuallybpd #actuallynpd #borderline personality disorder #narcissistic personality disorder #anti social personality disorder #actually aspd #pseriouslypsychosis #pseriouslyschizophrenic #schizotypal #schizophrenia #schizo spectrum #actually schizospec #schizoaffective #actuallycdd #actuallydid #actuallyosdd #dissociative identity disorder #otherwise specified dissociative disorder #complex dissociative disorder #cluster b #cluster a #abuse recovery #trauma recovery #narcissistic abuse #phoenix posts non poetry

[sundropglass]

Can we please stop being fans of peoples personal CDD blogs

Putting someone on a pedestal for trying to heal is a really weird. Its fine if someone wants to be that, who wants the fans or even the potential monetization. But I’m pretty fucking certain thats not what a lot of us are here for, so please don’t paint everyone with a broad stroke like that

These disorders are based on trauma, and these blogs tend to be very personal and about trying to heal and live our daily lives. We tell people about our CDDs to find community support and share resources and care.

Please assume off the bat that we’re not ‘CDD blogs’ or ‘CDD content creators’, we’re people.

#actuallydid #cdd #complex dissociative disorder #actuallycdd #i dont know the tags for this shit #barkbarkbark feeling fierce #yes pls do reblog if you want

[chronicsnake]

How do you cope with your existence after realizing everything that you are is a survival mechanism.

#how how how- #i want what's best for us like everyone else #but all my methods of safety are trauma based survival #i hate the word survival #did protector #actuallydid #actuallycdd #did persecutor #vent #journal

[justanothersyscourse]

Wait a minute - were people actually arguing over the term CDD? ._. Please read the quote below from Dr. Ellert Nijenhuis. It's really nothing deeper than this.

#mod robo #syscourse #actuallydid #actuallydissociative #actuallycdd #actuallytraumagenic

[sunkern-plus]

anyone who's a system, particularly osdd1a, get this sensation of like...when they're dissociating, their brain or soul is being tugged away from their body, and it's getting replaced with another soul or mind or brain or whatever instead?

i've always sorta got that feeling when i dissociate but i feel like that's not a common dissociative experience and that it might be some sort of fake thing. idk

#actuallymedian #actuallyosdd1a #actuallycdd #last one is to reference against other dissociative people

[unstablemotions]

Every book about PTSD will repeatedly mention how your personality will change after the traumatic event. How this is an indicator that you have the disorder. How this is a universal experience for everyone who suffers from post traumatic stress.

But I never got to have a life before trauma. That person was killed before they were alive. All that remains is a broken shell from where a child was ripped out with violent teeth.

I didn't change from my trauma, because I never existed before it began.

#actuallyptsd #actuallycptsd #actuallytraumatized #actuallydid #actuallycdd #actually ptsd #actually cptsd #actually traumatized #actually did #actually cdd #child abuse #actuallyabused #actually abused #childhood trauma #trauma vent #tw vent #tw child abuse #my post #personal

[chemicalcarousel]

"Suffering builds character" well for me it built multiple characters who are all carrying a part of that suffering we went through, so idk man you got it kinda right ig?

#actuallydid #actuallycdd #actuallydissociative #actually did #actually cdd #actually dissociative #did memes #cdd memes #ours #yo its sof #levi here

[pigeon-system-boys]

-Omg being system sounds like so much fun!!

Systemhood for real:

#yeah sometimes funny fut pretty always FUCKED #if i add cats it will look better #did osdd #osdd system #did system #hc did system #actually did #actually osdd #actuallycdd #hc did #how am i supposed to cope #did memes #osdd memes #mental illness #dissociative system #polyfrag system #programmed system #system memes #polyfrag did memes #polyfrag did #actually polyfrag

[iwillbreakyourfuckingskull]

"I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy" well I fucking would

#angercore #actuallyabused #actually abused #actuallytraumatized #actually traumatized #did protector #cdd protector #actuallydid #actuallycdd #actually did #actually cdd #actuallycptsd #actually cptsd #levi.speaking #my.posts

[system-of-a-feather]

Curious to spur some discussion, how do gatekeepers in other systems look?

Some general prompt questions that you can answer or ignore.

What do you / they do? Are they able to do something other parts cant? How much of it is a job (as in a task / thing that needs to be done and someone has to do it) versus how much of it is a role (as in a more innate thing that the part is uniquely made for)? How communicative and cooperative are they with the system as a whole? Where do they fall into the structure? Do they front often? How aware of the inner world and real world are they? Do you have multiple gatekeepers or just one? If you have multiple how do they coordinate (if they do)?

These days gatekeeper shit is a large part of my life as a part so I enjoy talking about it and since I've been front more because of gatekeeper shit, I might as well generate some interesting conversation. We need to sleep but either in replies to others or just our own I might answer for me since we have a lot of gatekeepers.

#alter: ray #gatekeeper talk #gatekeeper #gatekeepers #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #actuallycdd