#Moody x Canada

[moodyglitchmoon]

(Omg finally I can post!!) Good morning everyone 💕 Here's Canada x Moody 🤠 I've been having a lot of bpd relapse so I decided to draw Canada ;0; I'll draw more of Moody and Canada soon ;w;

- Moody 🌙

#moody's cool artwork #aph canada #aph canada x reader #aph canada x self insert #hws canada #self insert #self insert x canon #self ship #Moody x Canada #Canada x Moody #CanaMood #yumejoshi

[vertigoartgore]

Wolverine by Barry Windsor-Smith (Wolverine: Weapon X's author).

#wolverine #barry windsor smith #weapon x #I am a man not an animal #serval #moody #mutant #healing factor #claws #snikt #masterpiece #great artist #logan #canada

[cyarsk52-20]

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MUSIC

The 50 Best Weeknd Songs

From dark alt-R&B jams to sleek summer hits to synth-pop revelations, and beyond

BY 

TOMÁS MIER, WAISS ARAMESH, JULYSSA LOPEZ, CHARLES AARON, ANGIE MARTOCCIO, ELIAS LEIGHT, JON FREEMAN, MOSI REEVES, JON BLISTEIN, SARAH GRANT, JOE GROSS, SIMON VOZICK-LEVINSON, JON DOLAN, KORY GROW

FEBRUARY 14, 2022

IF YOU HAD “Siouxsie and the Banshees fan from Canada remakes R&B in his own image” on your Pop Music in the 2010s bingo card, congratulations! Abel Tesfaye came out of Toronto in 2011 with a stunning series of spacey, sepulchral EPs that proved the start of a landmark run. Pretty soon he was lacing summer hits, sharing tracks with Ariana and Lana, creating epic albums like After Hoursand this year’s excellent Dawn FM, and even playing the Super Bowl. To coincide with the release of his new Amazon special, The Weeknd x The Dawn FM Experience (available this Saturday), we’ve decided to honor the Weeknd’s decade of moody pop dominance, with our list of his 50 greatest songs. You’ve earned it!

50

‘Less Than Zero’ (2022)

KEVIN C. COX/GETTY IMAGES

‘Can we meet in the middle,” the Weeknd offers over the elegant romanticism of “Less Than Zero.” His despair has rarely sounded so vulnerable, and his need to connect has rarely seemed so genuine, as he reaches out further and further with each new ascending keyboard bloop. The result might be his greatest slow-dance entreaty. —J.D.

49

‘The Party & the After Party’ (2011)

FRAZER HARRISON/GETTY IMAGES

“The Party and the After Party” not only has a chipmunk sample of dream-pop duo Beach House’s “Master of None” at its center, but also a waltz-like rhythm reminiscent of the Velvet Underground’s “All Tomorrow’s Parties.” The Weeknd’s lyrics betray an impressive attention to detail. “Louis V bag, tats on your arms, high heel shoes make you six feet tall,” he croons. “But I’ve got what you need.” Midway through, the track switches to a highly sexual volley of vocal thrusts and flickering guitar, as he tries to illustrate “the feeling that I’ll give to you.” —M.R.

48

‘Save Your Tears,’ feat. Ariana Grande (2021)

YOUTUBE

Just when you think the Weeknd has finally released a vacuous little earworm of a pop song, he twists the knife. “I saw you dancing in a crowded room/You look so happy when I’m not with you,” he sings. It would be like if you took “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now” and replaced Mickey Thomas with Sade. This love-forsaken-at-the-club song wouldn’t be anything without Grande. Together, their voices are indestructible, which makes this particular song all the more harrowing. —S.G.

47

‘Life of the Party’ (2011)

GUS STEWART/REDFERNS/GETTY IMAGES

Coming on like Smokey Robinson at a black mass, Tesfaye crooks a finger, howls into the death-rock void, and cues the riding-crop percussion. Is this just another dubiously consensual orgy between a rich, coked-out female fan and some fame-adjacent, coked-out music bros? Or does the woman actually represent Tesfaye’s conflicted feelings about his own career choices? Regardless, be careful out there, kids. —C.A.

46

‘Tears in the Rain’ (2013)

JEFF LOMBARDO/GETTY IMAGES

The Weeknd’s R&B plot twist is that his falsetto croon, cunning production, and vulnerable charisma offer a tender caress until you find out that love is really a serial killer hiding in the closet. Inspired by the replicant Roy Batta’s dying monologue in Blade Runner, this gorgeous ballad is a spectacular bell tower of distorted guitar and rippling synths that gives you goose bumps. Too bad you’re lying next to the toilet. —C.A.

45

‘The Fall’ (2011)

VINCE TALOTTA/TORONTO STAR/GETTY IMAGES

The foggy darkness of “The Fall” is a vintage remnant of the Weeknd’s bleakest, most sedated soundscapes. A chugging beat and ominous, choir-like vocals nearly drown him out, but his slightly moribund voice continues with the steely resolve of someone who intimately knows rock bottom. And though the production comes from his early-aughts mixtape era, it’s also ahead of its time, feeling like something that could easily soundtrack a depressing episode of Euphoria. —J.L.

44

‘Privilege’ (2018)

IRVIN OLIVARES/RCC/AGENCIA EL UNIVERSAL/GDA/AP

On this theatrical text to an ex, the Weeknd tries acceptance! Co-producer Frank Dukes suspends the mournful inamorato amid a swell of supportively filtered keys, and Tesfaye counsels himself to move on. But a fingersnap beat enters and he instinctively reaches for his old woes. Synths encase everything, his multitracked wail fades to vocoded static, and it’s clear: litigating sin is his one forever love. —C.A.

43

‘I Was Never There,’ feat. Gesaffelstein (2018)

KEVIN WINTER/GETTY IMAGES

It’s appropriate that the Weeknd at his most publicly distraught — after breakups with tabloid damsels Selena Gomez and Bella Hadid — would be soundtracked by elegant techno brutalist Mike “Gesaffelstein” Lévy. Hello, stylish dystopia. A piercing synth siren swoons and keens above clacking desolation; when the beat later brightens to a warped gurgle, Tesfaye turns spiteful, suicidal. Call it his safe space. —C.A.

42

‘La Fama,’ Rosalía feat. the Weeknd (2022)

YOUTUBE

Call him “El Fin de Semana.” The singer takes a complete turn from his typical R&B style as he joins Rosalía on the electro-bachata track about the downsides of fame. The Weeknd sings in perfect Spanish as his vocals channel the likes of bachata legend Romeo Santos. —T.M.

41

‘Heartless’ (2020)

YOUTUBE

This first single from the 2020 album After Hours finds our hero self-consciously returning to his baller ways, grabbing some of his pals (co-writers Metro Boomin, Illangelo, and Dre Moon), loading up on subdermal bass and trappin’ hi-hats and heading out for a night of licking toads, getting ladies high, and spilling whiskey on himself. Once again, he’s in full players-playing mode and he doesn’t make it sound very fun at all. —J.G.

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40

‘In Your Eyes’ (2020)

KEVIN MAZUR/MTV VMAS 2020/GETTY IMAGES

“I know it hurts to smile, but you try to,” Tesfaye croons to his dirty Diana through the smoky air. Can’t you feel the weight of his stare? “In Your Eyes” has such a suave Eighties groove, it takes real concentration to appreciate its manifold layers. Tesfaye mined late New Wave bands like Roxy Music, A-Ha, and Cocteau Twins for the song’s backbone, let Max Martin do his pop wizardry, and let the sax rip. —S.G.

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39

‘Adaptation’ (2013)

JOHNNY NUNEZ/WIREIMAGE

“Adaptation” is Kiss Land‘s most direct tour-life lament, essentially Massive Attack featuring the Weeknd, slightly pitch-shifted. Over a breakbeat loop, an eerie echo chamber, and a gnarled, ghostly sample of the Police’s “Bring on the Night,” Tesfaye explores his vocal range and imagines tipsy young models as vessels of pure, uncut love. It all sounds exquisite, but his regret is a false confession. —C.A.

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38

‘The Birds Pt. 2’ (2011)

GUS STEWART/REDFERNS/GETTY IMAGES

On the Weeknd’s most intense recorded reckoning, our unreliable narrator delivers a harrowing moral: Don’t fall for self-obsessed, predatory fiends (like me) or somebody will suffer. Forever. Producers Illangelo and Doc McKinney underscore the point — sobs and a gunshot bleed into reverbed whirlpools of decaying surf guitar, an unforgiving snare thud, and Marina Topley-Bird croaking “sandpaper kisses, paper-cut bliss” like Madame Lamort. Then the crows caw a bitter adieu. —C.A.

37

‘Pretty’ (2013)

YOUTUBE

One of the Weeknd’s cooler, earlier tricks is the goth level of melodrama with which he infused his work. “Pretty,” from his debut full-length, Kiss Land, takes an industrial level of synth dread and drum clatter and sets it to the time-honored tale of the road dog coming home to his partner, who may or may not have cheated. Conclusion: He’ll make you feel beautiful if only because it helps him keep the demons at bay. —J.G.

36

‘In the Night’ (2015)

THOMAS CONCORDIA/FILMMAGIC

The first song co-written with pop magus Max Martin, “In the Night” conjures an Eighties neon raincloud with a whoosh of drum pads, pulsing synths, clattering effects, and Visionquest pathos. Principally, it coaxes Tesfaye’s most openhearted vocal to date. His taut yet fluid phrasing (a nod to Thriller-era Michael Jackson) delivers the story of an abused sex worker with an unusually sincere ache. —C.A.

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35

‘Prisoner,’ feat. Lana Del Rey (2015)

CHELSEA LAUREN/WIREIMAGE

This criminally underrated duet is a true relic of the fleeting 50 Shades of Grey-era of 2010s gloom pop, sung and co-written by the genre’s foremost falsettos: the Weeknd and Lana Del Rey. “I’ve inspired her, she’s inspired me,” Tesfaye said at the time. “I feel like we’ve always been talking to each other through our music.” Together for the first time, they sing “I’m addicted to a life that’s empty and cold,” like two dark souls twisting in the wind. —S.G.

34

‘Crew Love,’ Drake feat. the Weeknd (2012)

IAN WEST/PA WIRE/AP

The remarkable opening of “Crew Love” is a true test for the Weeknd, pitting the singer’s siren call against a callous, punishing opponent — a mash of crashing cymbals that seems intent on crushing the life out of anything in its path. But the Weeknd’s sweet croon partially camouflages his own militance. His opening line is every bit as cruel and cutting as those cymbals: “Take your nose off my keyboard/What you bothering me for?” And once the Weeknd puts his enemies on their heels, he presses his attack. “This ain’t no fuckin’ singalong,” he snarls prettily. “So, girl, what you singing for?” —E.L.

33

‘Coming Down’ (2011)

TIMOTHY HIATT/WIREIMAGE

Emerging from the dusted carnage of “The Party & the Afterparty,” this might be Tesfaye’s most emotionally resonant performance. A cold wind blows past a twinkly, taunting mini-motif as various intoxicating agents exit his system. Racked with regret, he convincingly plays the fallen prince; his ah-ahs, la-la-las, and refrain of “I always want you when I’m coming down” are acutely relatable. —C.A.

32

‘Often’ (2015)

YOUTUBE

Over a tear-jerking sample of “Ben Sana Vurgunum,” by Turkish singer Nükhet Duru, the Weeknd boasts about the sexual freedom he gets by being a “young god” in his hometown of Toronto. “She asked me if I do this every day, I said often,” he sings on the chorus. The alt-R&B song gave fans their first taste of the leap forward he was making with Beauty Behind the Madness. —T.M.

31

‘Acquainted’ (2015)

PETER DEJONG/AP

Oh, the humanity? ? On this neoclassic Weeknd tale of compulsive wanderlust, boosted by Illangelo’s crisply cavernous, dubstep-tinged production, Tesfaye coos (and even cries out) with new vulnerability about whether a commitment to “real” love/life might be a risk worth taking. Answer: No, “but, girl, I’m so glad we’re acquainted.” —C.A.

30

‘Wanderlust’ (2013)

OWEN SWEENEY/INVISION/AP

“Wanderlust” hinted at the brightly uptempo, Eighties-inspired pop that eventually launched the Weeknd to superstardom.  Produced with help from DannyBoyStyles and DaHeala, it makes fanciful use of Dutch group Fox the Fox’s 1984 synth-pop hit “Precious Little Diamond,” as the Weeknd depicts a La Dolce Vita life that’s full of thrills and short on love and commitment. It’s a metaphor for the first rush of success, and a predictor of bigger fame to come. —M.R.

29

‘Love Me Harder,’ Ariana Grande feat. the Weeknd (2014)

When Republic Records introduced its hot new R&B act to the world, it used an old-fashioned tactic (Trojan Horse) the new-fashioned way: an Ariana Grande song. Produced by Max Martin, “Love Me Harder” is a coy, synth-driven jam about the joys of rough sex. What takes it to that next level is the indelible way Grande’s sumptuous vocals ricochet off of the Weeknd’s icy falsetto. Two great artists in their own right. But like Pat and Neil, these two just belong together. —S.G.

28

‘Loft Music’ (2011)

CHRISTIE GOODWIN/REDFERNS/GETTY IMAGES

“Loft Music” is one of Abel Tesfaye’s quintessential baby-making moments and a standout from his debut mixtape, House of Balloons. During the chorusless first half of the track, the Weeknd convinces a woman that “baby, it’s OK” for them to hook up, while the second half features a haunting, three-minute outro. —T.M.

27

‘Kiss Land’ (2013)

ARTHUR MOLA/INVISION/AP

Perhaps the Weeknd was worried his major-label debut wouldn’t be perceived as authentically malevolent. The title track settles that — a disorienting din of post-industrial drone and moan, plus oral-sex quips and a witchy brew of booze, blow, and pills. Cloudrap producer Silky Johnson sustains a K-hole of suspense so when Tesfaye cries, “Goddamn, I’m high,” it’s actually startling. —C.A.

26

‘King of the Fall’ (2014)

YOUTUBE

Released as a Soundcloud track and a YouTube video in commemoration of his 2014 “King of the Fall” Tour, this is a fan favorite that didn’t get added to streaming services until nearly six years later. It finds the Weeknd at his most insouciantly boastful: “’Bout to leave the crib with a couple of my pirates/Driving by the streets we used to walk through like a triumph,” he sings. Produced with help from Jason “DaHeala” Quenneville, “King of the Fall” has a thrilling, uncompromising edge. When he says, “If you ain’t with me, motherfucker, you against me,” you can feel the tension in his words. “Ain’t nobody can stop me.” —M.R.

25

‘What You Need’ (2011)

JOHNNY LOUIS/GETTY IMAGES

The Weeknd has said that “What You Need” is nothing more than a “sexy R&B song,” but that explanation underplays the kind of emotional power he conjures here. It opens with a loop from Aaliyah’s “Rock the Boat,” and centers on a raw and direct entreaty shorn of contemporary R&B gloss. When critics and fans refer to the Weeknd as a generational artist, particularly in his early years, it’s due to seductive performances like this. —M.R.

24

‘Try Me’ (2018)

MAHMOUD KHALED/AP

The Weeknd sounds alluring on “Try Me,” a highlight from 2018’s My Dear Melancholy. The EP swirls with romantic anguish and the singer’s high-profile breakups; “Try Me,” where he pleads for an ex-girlfriend to come back to him in haunting, gauzy tones, is no different. Some listeners speculated that this was his attempt to recapture his House of Balloons-era bona fides after the world conquering Starboy. But when he sings lyrics like “Once you put your pride aside, you know where to find me,” he sounds sincere. —M.R.

23

‘Moth to a Flame,’ Swedish House Mafia and the Weeknd (2022)

YOUTUBE

“Moth to a Flame” is a petty anthem, masking the bitterness with synth, and marks the Weeknd’s first (of hopefully many) collaboration with Swedish House Mafia. Abel’s vocals shine through a biting chorus that effectively ruins the current relationship of his ex. It should come as no surprise that a list of the Weeknd’s best songs doubles as a masterclass in toxicity. —W.A.

22

‘Snowchild’ (2020)

YOUTUBE

On a trap-chic stroll through the Weeknd’s hipster rags-to-branded-riches story (Morayama, Coachella, and Mercedes are name-checked), Starboy relies on the lovely lilt of his voice to redeem pop-rap groaners like “futuristic sex, give her Philip K. Dick.” And it does, buoyed by a suave whoosh here and chilly wobble there. —C.A.

21

‘The Morning’ (2011)

ROBB D. COHEN/INVISION/AP

Though the first drowsy lines of “The Morning” masquerade as expected Weeknd club sleaze, the song is a surprisingly radiant hustler’s anthem, catching him at an upbeat moment before the blowback from his late-night debauchery sets in. The electric squeals of a guitar follow him as he builds toward a bursting chorus — and once the peak hits, he sings with the carefree indulgence of someone throwing confetti made of dollar bills into the air. —J.L.

20

‘Shameless’ (2015)

JOHN SALANGSANG/INVISION/AP

Compared to the slick dance pop found elsewhere on Beauty Behind the Madness,“Shameless” is an outlier. A stripped-down acoustic ballad that has shades of peak-period Seal, “Shameless” is a triumph of cringe for the Weeknd. “I’ll always be there for you girl, I have no shame,” he swears to a sometime lover who doesn’t want anything from him except the oblivion of a good lay. It’s icky, and the slippery, pornographic guitar solo at the end only adds to the feeling of self-loathing sleaze. —J.F.

19

‘After Hours’ (2020)

YOUTUBE

If there’s a song that captures the Weeknd’s determined progression from brooding club lurker to incandescent pop king, it’s “After Hours,” which starts with echoey synth acrobatics from his early releases. A dance beat trickles in slowly — just hints of it at first — and eventually takes over, thrusting the Weeknd closer to the melodic maximalism that swept him up and blasted him to superstardom. —J.L.

18

‘How Do I Make You Love Me?’ (2022)

RICH FURY/GETTY IMAGES

It takes a lot of skill to make desperation sound catchy, but the Weeknd barely bats an eye as he combines iridescent synth-pop with his urgent, pleading falsetto on “How Do I Make You Love Me.” Just when it seems like he’s reached a breaking point, the song becomes a freeform experiment in electro blips and bleeps that seamlessly transitions into “Take My Breath,” highlighting the tightknit sonic universe of Dawn FM. —J.L.

17

‘Hardest to Love’ (2020)

CHRIS O'MEARA/AP

There’s something singular about “Hardest to Love,” its drum and bass break beat setting it apart from nearly everything else in the Weeknd’s catalog, to say nothing of the North American pop charts (it would obviously feel less out of place in the U.K.). Yet the song doesn’t feel like some tossed off genre experiment or blatant play for a new audience. It remains a quintessential Weeknd tune, that distinct drum and bass groove paired perfectly with woozy, weeping-willow synths and Tesfaye’s heart-melting, self-flagellating vocals. —J.B.

…

16

‘Reminder’ (2016)

YOUTUBE

A response to those criticizing his pivot to a mainstream sound after Beauty Behind the Madness, The Weeknd returns to his vibey, R&B origins, promising he’ll reinvent himself as many times as he wants to. And boy, has he succeeded at it. T.M.

15

‘Call Out My Name’ (2018)

YOUTUBE

After “Earned It” became a massive commercial success, it’s no surprise that the Weeknd returned to the same well a few years later — “Call Out My Name” is another slow-drip ballad set in 6/8 time. But where “Earned It” had those peppy strings and uplifting message (“Girl you’re perfect, you’re always worth it”), “Call Out My Name” is desolate and hollowed out, a parched tale of dependency and despair shot through with the Weeknd’s piercing, anguished wails. “I said I didn’t feel nothing baby,” he sings. “But I lied.” —E.L.

14

‘Sidewalks,’ feat. Kendrick Lamar (2016)

YOUTUBE

“Sidewalks” finds the Weeknd wryly recounting his ascent from growing up without a father and experiencing homelessness to the pop mainstream. “My flow too sick, Kevin Costner couldn’t touch me,” he trills in an Auto-Tuned voice over a guitar-inflected Doc McKinney beat. Meanwhile, Kendrick Lamar responds with a bouncy verse that flips Starboy’s theme about prodigious appetites. “It wasn’t just a random Kendrick Lamar verse,” the Weeknd told Beats 1’s Zane Lowe in 2016. “It was something special.” —M.R.

13

‘Tell Your Friends’ (2015)

YOUTUBE

This track was originally co-produced by Mike Dean and intended for Kanye West, who co-produces and raps on the bridge here. Framed by a coolly twilit soul sample, Tesfaye croons a list of  basic starboy gripes. but quickly the lyrics grow belligerent, as stabbing piano chords propel an antihero eruption. “Don’t believe the rumors, bitch, I’m still a user,” he smirks, as if he’s pimp-strutting on the ledge. —C.A.

12

‘House of Balloons / Glass Table Girls’ (2011)

FILMMAGIC

The second half of this track is one of the most viscerally affecting entries in the Weeknd’s whole catalog, as icy and thunderous as an avalanche. He throws himself into the world beyond blotto: Faces are blurring, the drunks are getting mean, and the threat of violence fills the air. The Weeknd’s voice has always drawn comparisons to Michael Jackson’s, but “Glass Table Girls” draws its lineage back to Prince at his most paranoidly perfect. —E.L.

11

‘I Feel It Coming,’ feat. Daft Punk (2016)

YOUTUBE

The stunning closer from Starboy, the Weeknd’s Michael Jacksonesque voice flows freely over Daft Punk’s retro-futuristic, Eighties-inspired disco-pop production. Lyrically, the Weeknd sheds his lustful approach to sex as he assures the object of his desire that she shouldn’t be so afraid of falling in love. —T.M.

10

‘Starboy,’ feat. Daft Punk (2016)

YOUTUBE

After the world-conquering success of Beauty Behind the Madness, the Weeknd could have worked with anyone. He chose Daft Punk’s Thomas Bangalter and Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo, who lent an attractive electro gloss to his next chart-topping smash, French-filtering his vocals on the hook as he literally laughed his way to the bank. With its winking lyrics about old Star Trek movies and ivory lines on ebony tables, “Starboy” was also the Weeknd’s chance to show that pop stardom hadn’t changed him — it just made him even cockier. —S.V.L.

9

‘Take My Breath’ (2022)

YOUTUBE

It figures that one of the Weeknd’s most straightforwardly danceable songs would be about a kink so intense that it can literally cause death. Propelled by the titanic melody of Max Martin and collaborators Belly, Andrea Di Ceglie, Luigi Tutolo, and Oscar Holter, “Take My Breath” throbs with the insistent kick drum, funky guitar, and arpeggiated synths of classic Giorgio Moroder. Tesfaye coos soulfully, deploying his upper register while describing a woman who asks to indulge a fantasy that sounds a lot like erotic asphyxiation. “Bring me close to heaven, babe,” she tells him. The extended version on Dawn FM features an instrumental breakdown that shreds Tesfaye’s voice into a guttural wail, further blurring the line between ecstasy and horror. —J.F.

8

‘Earned It (Fifty Shades of Grey)’ (2015)

YOUTUBE

Wherein the most sexually explicit songwriter of the PornHub era makes the lead single for the Fifty Shades of Grey soundtrack. “Earned It” (and a very-NSFW video) introduced perfectly Tesfaye’s silk-sheets vibe to mainstream ears. Written in D-minor, which, as  Spinal Tap taught us, is the “saddest key,” “Earned It” is  a Grammy-winning chart-topper full of strings severe and seductive, that falsetto and, of course, a love too weird to last. —J.G.

7

‘High for This’ (2011)

JOHN SALANGSANG/INVISION/AP

“You want to be high for this,” trills the Weeknd on the opening track of his first, career-launching House of Balloons mixtape. It’s a perfect introduction to the Weeknd’s groundbreaking aesthetic: an opiate atmosphere, a sound that hovers between darkwave and bedroom R&B, and endless sensorial delights. Cirkut’s beat is a synthesized whirl of throbbing, stop-start percussion and eerie, organ-like keys, all fodder for the Weeknd to red-pill his listeners: “Open your hand/Take a glass/Don’t be scared/I’m right here.” —M.R.

6

‘Can’t Feel My Face’ (2015)

YOUTUBE

One of the Weeknd’s biggest hits was a dashed-off afterthought. Tesfaye was hanging out with some of his songwriting collaborators, listening to “some modern, disco-y influenced tracks,” as he once said, when they all felt the urge the jam. The whole song — three and a half minutes of R&B-inflected pop with a bouncy, beautifully numbing chorus that may or may not be about cocaine — came together in 40 minutes at the end of Tesfaye’s Beauty Behind the Madness sessions and almost didn’t make the cut. But Tesfaye believed in the song, which became a Number One hit and has since been certified eight-times platinum. —K.G.

5

‘Blinding Lights’ (2019)

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No pop sound is too dated for the Weeknd to have some fun with: As long as it’s got a little sparkle, he’ll find a way to use it. “Blinding Lights” broke chart records by leaning all the way into a synth-pop jingle that sounds like a Eurovision contender or a mid-2000s ringtone, singing the hell out of each hook in a vaguely Goth accent and daring you to call him cheugy. It’s so spectacularly catchy, you’ll never get the chance. —S.V.L.

4

‘Wicked Games’ (2011)

YOUTUBE

The Weeknd’s first single is a sensual, slow-grooving meditation on coming of age — feeling comfortable in your own skin and grappling with differences between love and lust, but “only for tonight.” In the space of five and a half minutes, Tesfaye tells a movie-length story: He’s just broken up with his girl, he took out all his cash and spent it on coke and his date, and he just wants to feel like a human being. “Bring your love, baby, I could bring my shame,” he sings. “Bring the drugs, baby, I could bring my pain, I got my heart right here.” It’s heavy stuff for a pop song, and it established him as an artist who could tackle Big Problems in a way that makes you want to sing along with him. —K.G.

3

‘Escape From LA’ (2020)

KEVIN MAZUR/MTV VMAS 2020/GETTY IMAGES

Nine years after the Weeknd declared “Cali is the mission” on “The Morning,” he backtracks on this cautionary tale, revisiting a theme that’s prevalent throughout his discography: an obsession over the Hollywood lifestyle that’s just as strong as his contempt for it. Four minutes in, the vibe switches (getting somehow darker) and the Weeknd tells the tale of a Chrome Hearts-clad woman who waits for him to cut his verse before moving on to … other activities. Considering how good this song turned out, we appreciate her patience. —W.A.

2

‘Gasoline’ (2022)

YOUTUBE

Tesfaye has always been great at packaging pop thrills in deep despair (and vice versa). The nihilistic despair of this Dawn FM gem is neatly tucked away in the song’s gasoline-soaked sheen. Even its darkest lines — from “I know you won’t let me OD” to “In this game called life/We are not free” — are barely detectable in the midst of all that New Wave euphoria, like the Weeknd had too much fun getting high to the Cars. Please cover “Drive” next. —A.M.

1

‘The Hills’ (2015)

YOUTUBE

A sound-design masterpiece and the quintessential Weeknd hit, with all the pop instincts of his crossover blockbuster era and all the sleaze and self-loathing of his avant-R&B early years. “The Hills” mesmerizes and rebukes like a MIDI-enabled version of Francisco Goya’s Saturn Devouring His Son.Tesfaye limps through fame’s panopticon before launching into a falsetto war of the spirit (“When I’m fucked up, that’s the real me,” he wails). Somehow, this meticulous smear of muted screams, tolling bells, growly sub-bass, and filtered-to-hell synths reached No. 1 and was eventually certified diamond (10 million copies sold). —C.A.

IN THIS ARTICLE:

The Weeknd,

Weeknd

MUSIC

MUSIC LISTS

Sent from my iPhone

[whatsonmedia]

Music Extravaganza: Hot Gigs & Festivals This Week!

Get ready to immerse yourself in the world of live music with our curated list of must-attend gigs and festivals happening this week! From electrifying concerts to captivating festival experiences, we've got you covered with the hottest events that will leave you craving for more. Mark your calendars and get ready to be swept away by the rhythm and energy of these unmissable musical moments. Red Hot Chili Peppers Red Hot Chili Peppers announce 2023 world tour supporting albums "Unlimited Love" and "Return of the Dream Canteen." Dates include stadiums and festivals, starting on March 29 in Vancouver and concluding on May 19 at the Hangout Music Festival in Gulf Shores, Alabama. Their next tour date is at Minute Maid Park in Houston, after that they'll be at Napa Valley Expo in Napa. Upcoming concerts when & where: >Thursday 25 May 2023 Minute Maid Park, Houston, TX, US Line-up:  Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Strokes, Thundercat http://houston.astros.mlb.com/index.jsp?c_id=hou > Friday 26 May 2023 – Sunday 28 May 2023 BottleRock Napa Valley 2023 Line-up:  Red Hot Chili Peppers, Post Malone, Bastille, The Smashing Pumpkins, Tove Lo, Lupe Fiasco, Carly Rae Jepsen, The National, Lil Nas X, Lizzo, and more https://www.songkick.com/venues/4448234-napa-valley-expo Foo Fighters Foo Fighters have announced their first headline shows since the passing of Taylor Hawkins. Additional live shows are being added in various locations in the United States. The drummer replacement details and 2023 tour dates can be found, along with ticket information. Upcoming concerts when & where: >Wednesday 24 May 2023 Bank of New Hampshire Pavilion, Gilford, NH, US Line-up: Foo Fighters, TAIPEI HOUSTON >Thursday 25 May 2023 – Sunday 28 May 2023 Sonic Temple Art & Music Festival 2023 Line-up: Foo Fighters, Kiss, Queens of the Stone Age, Avenged Sevenfold, Deftones, Tool, Rob Zombie, Godsmack, Black Stone Cherry, Brutus, and more For more> https://www.banknhpavilion.com/ Sonic Temple Festival 2023 Stage Times and Locations for Sonic Temple 2023 Revealed >Thursday 25 May 2023 – Sunday 28 May 2023 Line-up: Kiss, Avenged Sevenfold, AWOLNATION, Deftones, Tool, Black Veil Brides, Trivium, Filter, grandson, Rival Sons, and more Historic Crew Stadium, Columbus, OH, US For more> https://www.columbuscrewsc.com/stadium Paramore Paramore announces a North American arena tour for 2023, with 26 shows across the US and Canada. The tour begins on May 23 in Charlotte and concludes on August 2 in St. Paul. Opening acts include Bloc Party, Foals, The Linda Lindas, and Genesis Owusuare. Notable venues include Madison Square Garden, Moody Center, and Kia Forum in Los Angeles. PARAMORE IN NORTH AMERICA TOUR DATES: when & where> - Tue May 23 – Charlotte, NC – Spectrum Center - Thu May 25 – Atlanta, GA – State Farm Arena, for more> https://www.statefarmarena.com/ - Friday 26 May - 28 May 2023 – Harvard Athletic Complex, For more> http://www.gocrimson.com/landing/index - Sat May 27 – Atlantic City, NJ – Adjacent Festival! Read the full article

[karenmillernet]

The Author

Lord, do you really want to know?

Oh, all right.

I was born in Vancouver, Canada, and came to Australia with my parents when I was 2. I think. Dad’s an Aussie, Mum’s English, go figure. Talk about Fate and Destiny. But three passports come in handy.

I’ve always lived in Sydney, except when I didn’t. After graduating with a BA Communications from the then Institute of Technology (now University) a few years ahead of Hugh Jackman, dammit, talk about rotten timing, I headed off to England and lived there for 3 years. It was interesting. I worked for a bunch of nutters in a community health centre and got the sack because I refused to go do EST with them (you stand in the middle of a circle and thank people for hurling verbal abuse at you for your own good, they said, and then were surprised when I said no), was a customer services officer for DHL London (would you believe at one time I knew every single airport code for every single airport in the world, off by heart?!?), got roped into an extremely dubious life insurance selling scheme (I was young and broke, need I say more?) and ended up realizing a life-long dream of working professionally with horses. After 18 grueling months I woke up, and came home.

Since then I’ve done customer service in the insurance and telecommunications industries, been a training officer, PR Officer in local government, production assistant in educational publishing, taught English and Business Communication at TAFE, been a supervisor and run my own sf/fantasy/mystery bookshop. Money for jam, there! I also managed to squeeze in a Master’s Degree in Children’s Literature from Macquarie University.

I used to have horses of my own, and spent lots of time and money showing, breeding, training and judging, but then I came off one time too many and so a large part of my life ended.

When I’m not writing I’m heavily involved in the Castle Hill Players, my local community theatre group, as an actor, director, prompt, stage manager (but not all at once!) and publicity officer.

I’m a story junkie. Books, film, tv ... you name it. Star Wars, Star Trek, Babylon 5, Battlestar Galactica (the new series), Stargate, Firefly, X-Men, Buffy, Angel, Supernatural, The Professionals, Forever Knight, Due South, The West Wing, The Shield, Sandbaggers, Homicide, Wiseguy, The Shield, The Closer ... and the list goes on. And that’s just the media stuff!

I love music. While writing I listen primarily to film soundtracks, because they’ve been written primarily to evoke emotional responses in the listener. This helps access emotion during tough scenes. Plus, the music is pretty. At least the stuff I listen to is. Favourite film composers include Hans Zimmer, Alan Silvestri, James Horner and John Williams. Vocalists I enjoy are Josh Groban, Russell Watson, Sarah McLachlan, Simon and Garfunkel , Queen, The Moody Blues, Steeleye Span, Meatloaf, Mike Oldfield ... anyone who can carry a tune, basically.

In short, I’m an only child with an overactive imagination, 3 dogs, 2 cats and not enough hours in the day. I don’t drink, smoke, or do enough exercise. I make periodic stabs at eating properly. Chocolate is my besetting downfall.

So that’s me. You can wake up now ...

Article Source: https://www.karenmiller.net/the-author

#karenmiller #writer #novelist #fantasywriter #amwriting

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

97 of 2022

All About Me - F-ll -n the Bl-nks

Created by xflirtykaosx

I am 13 or younger. 14-17 years old. 18-22 years old 22-30 years old. Over 30 years old.

I live in The US. The UK. Canada. Australia. Other. // Europe

My name begins with A, B, C, D, E or F. G, H, I, J, K or L. M, N, O, P or Q. R, S, T, U or V W, X, Y or Z

I have Sisters // just one Brothers Step Brothers/Sisters Half Brothers/Sisters No Siblings

and I have Cat(s). Dog(s). Rodent(s). Reptiles(s). Other(s).

My parents are Married/Together Separated Divorced Never had a relationship/one night stand One/both of my parents have passed away, making the other a widow(er)

I am In a Relationship Just out of a Relationship Single Open Relationship Engaged/Married

and my sexuality is best described as Straight Bi-Curious Bisexual Gay // without getting into details no one understands anyway Unsure

I am 5ft or less tall 5-5'4 tall 5'5-5'8 tall 5'9-4ft tall // I don’t get this measurement, I’m 5′11 in America Taller than 6ft

My hair is Non Existant Short Medium Long Below my Waist

and Brown Black Red Blonde Other

I enjoy Art Chinese Food Reading Food Films

and Sports Writing Swimming Politics Psychology

I have my ears pierced my belly button pierced my nose pierced my lip or tongue pierced nowhere pierced

and no tattoos 1 tattoo 2-4 tattoos 5-9 tattoos 10 or more tattoos

My eyes are Blue Brown Green Hazel Other // grey, omg.

and I Wear glasses all the time Wear reading glasses Wear contacts sometimes Wear contacts always Wear no contacts or glasses

I was born in January, February or March. April, May or June. July, August or September October, November, December

On the 1-6th day 7th-13th day 14th-20th day 20th-26th day 27th-31st day

My favourite meat is Chicken Lamb Beef I don't like meat Other

I am a Girl Boy Woman Man Undecided/Going through a sex change/Transgendered

I am against Abortion The Death Penalty Global Warming Marijuana Legalisation Illegal Downloading

I am for Freedom of Speech Knowing if a sex offender is in your area Recycling Censorship The War in Iraq

I want Kids A good job A nice home to live in To get married

My friends would more likely call me funny loving creative sweet unique

Out of all these qualities, which suits you - A? Adventurous Alluring // no idea why, though Antagonising Approachable Artistic

B Beautiful // again, no idea why Boastful Boring Boy Crazy Brave

C Calm Caring Charismatic Chaotic Creative

D Demented Deep Disorganised Dominant Dreamy

E Eccentic Elegant Emotional Enchanting Egotistical

F Fancy Fearsome Fierce Firm Foolish

G Generous Gentle Gifted Girly Giver

H Hateful Healthy Helpful Homely Hormonal

I Ice-Hearted Innocent Intimidating

J Jealous Joker Jovial

K Kind Kissable

L Lenient Likeable Listener Literate Lovable

M Mad Menacing Memorable Mild Moody

N Natural Neat Nice Nurturing

O Obnoxious Open Outspoken

P Patient Peaceful Persistant Polite Pure

Q Quarrelsome Questionable Quiet

R Radiant Realistic Respectful Right Brained Romantic

S Sarcastic Secretive Sincere Sour Sweet

T Tasteful Tetchy Tiresome Tough Trusting

U Understanding Unkind Uptight

V Vibrant Vicious Vindictive Volatile

W Weird Wild Wishful Worldly

X, Y, Z Xenophobic Youthful Zealous Zany

This survey was... Great! Good Okay Terrible You are my Idol!

#survey #bolding survey #about me survey

[penguinlovestowrite]

I was wondering if you can do a Fred Weasley x my oc (Hannah) request, you can use y/n that ok! I’ll just use Hannah for explaining. So for backstory, Hannah is a half blood witch with her father being a Muggle and her mother a witch. She grew up most being raised like Muggles so she’s very into Muggle pop culture. She is also Canadian but goes to hogwarts due to a deal her mother has with Dumbledore. She was born In October meaning she’s a year below Fred and George, but she’s been close friends with them ever since first year. She’s also a slytherin. For my request I was thinking you could do something that takes place just after the battle of hogwarts (because it’s may 2nd) and maybe Fred survived and uh can do something with them celebrating their win and the war ending.

Thank you for requesting <3 This is quite a specific request. Also I will use (y/n) in this. I'm sorry that it takes quite some times but I have to say that I am really enjoying writing this. Also it was a bit long... I hope you love it!❤️

Us

Fred weasley x Fem!reader

Genre : Fluff and a bit of angst

Words : 2.3k

Summary : When (Y/n) save Fred from his death, (Y/n) was grateful that everything turns out well as she remember everything that had happened for the past few years.

Warning(s) : Mentioned of death, war, kissing.

Growing up as a half blood is not a bad thing as anyone else would have thought. (Y/n) being the half blood witch herself has always grown up in the more muggle way due to her father being a muggle and her mom being a witch. That was until she was 11 that she discovered the joy of being a half blood.

Due to her mother being a witch and a former students in Hogwarts. her mother had made a special arrangement with Dumbledore just for (Y/n) to attend Hogwarts. Being the only student who came from Canada and away from home, Hogwarts had always felt like home to her.

It was right after the battle and (Y/n) couldn't help but feel grateful for everything with Voldemort being gone for good this time and celebrating the win with the rest of her friends and people that she had called family.

walking into the great hall (y/n) were met with familiar faces. Especially the love of her life, Fred Weasley. She can't described how much grateful she was to see him smiling with his family while sharing laughs with his twin brother. Feeling nostalgic by the sight in front of her, it reminds her to their first meet.

Arriving at the king cross station on the first of September was something that was truly magical. From the moment (Y/n) stepped into the barrier to the moment she made her way to find an empty compartment.

Walking mindlessly to find an available compartment. (Y/n) walked into an available compartment only to find two identical redhead sitting facing each other while snickering along with another boy.

"Excuse me? Can I sit here? Everywhere else is full" she asked suddenly become aware of their attention towards her.

"I don't know...Can she, Georgie?" One of them asked who she assumed 'Georgie' while acting as if he was thinking.

"I'm not sure, Freddie" said 'Georgie' while smirking both of them held a glint of mischief in their eyes.

"I can go if I'm interrupting-" she started to feel embarrassed and tried to excuse herself when one of them cut her off.

"They were just joking, of course you can sit with us" said another boy but this time she can feel the sincerity in his voice while the twins just nodded as she sat besides one of the twins, each of them started to introduce themselves.

(Y/n) had learnt that all of them are in second year and the twin's name are Fred and George Weasley. Fred beside her and George in front of her meanwhile the other boy who sat besides George are Lee Jordan.

"So what's your name?" Fred asked her. She noticed his warm brown eyes and freckles littering on his face making her face feels hot.

"I'm (Y/N) (L/N). I'm from Canada" Their eyes turned wide at the mention of her origin.

"Canada? You must be the only student who came from Canada" Lee said with amazement laced in his voice.

(Y/n) just nodded and bring out one of her favourite muggle book to read. Fred noticed her book.

"What book is that?" He asked.

"Oh it's just a classic story that I love... It's called Pride and prejudice, it's really good."

She explained to him about the story as George and Lee talked to each other. After reading for a while, she decided to join their conversation until they arrived at Hogwarts.

Ever since then Fred, George, Lee and (Y/n) had become inseparable. Even though She was sorted into Slytherin, all of them still finds way to cause mischief together.

Along the way, (Y/n) could feel herself falling for the slightly older twin. Even though she and Fred had become best friend, it was not a secret to everyone that the two of them actually fancy each other. Well, not a secret to everyone but them.

Until one day on her fifth year, everything changed. It was a month before the Yule ball and there was a slight problem. She doesn't have a date. In fact, she thinks no one is even going to ask her to be their date. Considering she's a slytherin and a half blood it was quite hard. Although she was hoping for a certain red head to ask but she tried to not get her hopes up.

(Y/n) was walking to the great hall when a pair of arms wrapped around her, startling her when she realised the arms belongs to her most favourite Weasley.

"FRED! DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT!" she whisper yelled at him while glaring at him as he laughed at her flustered face.

"Actually...I wanted to ask you something" He told her as she stared into his warm brown eyes.

"What is it?"

"Actually..." He shifted his eyes nervously when suddenly he brought out a bouquet of flowers from behind him.

"I was wondering if you want to go to the ball with me? As a date? Or as a friend maybe?" A nervous smile on his lips. Fred rarely got nervous even when he was caught when doing pranks and was given a detention.

Slowly she took the bouquet with a smile adorning her face feeling a blush crept up her cheeks. she gave a kiss on his cheek.

"I hope that answers your question." (Y/n) winked, turning around to continue her journey to the great hall, leaving a speechless Fred alone on his own.

The night of the yule ball was the most amazing night (Y/n) ever experienced. The great hall was decorated nicely with snowflakes falling down but it didn't reach the floor.

As she walked down the stairs to meet her date. she saw how Fred gaped and she could feel he stares at her with so much care and adoration.

"You look gorgeous, love" He smiled. She could feel herself blushing at his compliments.

"You don't look bad yourself, Handsome" (Y/n) said smirking when he rolled his eyes.

" I did try my best."

That evening was filled laughter and chatter. Both of them dancing for the whole night, her arms around his neck and his arms around her waist. It was perfect. Staring into each others eyes, Fred starts to leaned his head forward, his eyes flickers to her lips for a second as she found herself slowly leaning in and without any second thoughts he crashed his lips to hers, lips moving in synchronization. The kiss felt natural, like it was meant to be.

Even though (Y/n) know people would be talking about her and Fred newfound relationship but (Y/n) couldn't care less about it, not when she finally got him. The kiss was filled with smiles and giggles, eventually breaking apart and starts laughing.

"I've been waiting to do that for a long time" Fred said with his eyes full with nothing but love.

From that night, marks the day where (Y/n) swore she will spend the rest of her life with him.

Four years have passed since that night. The wizarding world is no longer safe and things were getting worse day by day. (Y/n) are now staying with Molly and Ginny at the Burrow waiting for Fred to come home from his mission on saving Harry along with the rest of the order.

Three years earlier, (Y/n), Fred and George made their way out of Hogwarts dramatically when Umbridge terrorized Hogwarts. Deciding that it was for the best, she joined them. (Y/n) didn't regret her decisions, even when she got an earful from her mother. By the end of the year, the twins finally opened their shop and it was a success. She had moved in with Fred and George when they told her how much they want her to help them with the shop.

From outside of the house (Y/n) could hear Molly and Ginny's panic voice. That was when she saw Remus holding a bloodied George. Without wasting any time she rushed to help Molly when she saw George was missing an ear. The sight alone makes her panic as the thought of what will happened if Fred didn't survive. A few moments after that a popping sound could be heard outside of the Burrow alerting her someone has arrived. To her relieved, Fred and Arthur had arrived safely. Fred Immediately engulfing (Y/n) with a hug as she breath out of relieved.

Fred was devastated when he saw what had happened to his brother but not long until George made a feeble attempt to joke about his blown off ear. The air became thick when Bill announced Moody's death.

The day Bill and Fleur wedding finally came and (Y/n) were excited to say the least. despite being a slytherin and having no blood relation with the Weasley, they still treat as a family even more when she started to date Fred. (Y/n) have always thought of Bill as an older brother along with the rest of the Weasley siblings.

The morning of the wedding day (Y/n) woke up with an arm around her waist as Fred burried his face on the crook of her neck. Turning around she studied his face that was littered with freckles and how peaceful he looks.

"You know it's rude to stare." opening an eye he immediately smile at the sight of her face. How he love waking up with her beside him every morning.

" I'm just enjoying the view." (Y/n) said with sigh and snuggled closer to him as he pulls her closer towards him. The two of them enjoying the peaceful morning. Eventually, their peaceful moment come to an end when George barged into the room telling Fred to help putting up the tent. After several moments Fred reluctantly pulled away from her and decided to get ready for the day and help them with the tent leaving her alone in his room. Deciding that she was not going back to sleep (Y/n) started to get ready for the day.

The wedding was beautiful and (Y/n) were overjoyed by the sight of it but it doesn't last long. Something large and silver came falling through the canopy over the dance floor. Graceful and gleaming, the lynx landed lightly in the middle of astonished dancers. Then the patronus mouth opened wide and it spoke in the loud, deep, slow voice of Kingsley Shacklebot, allerting everyone about the fallen of the ministry.

It has been almost a year since Harry, Ron and Hermione went missing and (Y/n) along with the rest of the weasley went into hiding. That was when Fred walks in wrapping his arms around her waist.

"It's time"

those two words are what she feared most but knowing that the future of her world is at stakes, she's willing to sacrifice everything.

To say that the battle was terrifying was an understatement to say the least. (Y/n) had run and fighting for hours and she was beyond exhausted. Earlier she got separated from Fred and she was desperate to find him. That was when she find him fighting while joking with Percy.

"You're joking , Perce!" Fred shouted.

"You actually are joking, Perce... I don't think I've heard you joke since you were-"

(Y/n) could feel the ground shake and without wasting any time she pulled Fred to the side as the air exploded and the wall collapsed beside them, throwing them to the side, debris all over the air.

Fred grunted in pain as he opened his eyes to see (Y/n) on top of him. Unconscious. Panic started to rise in his chest as he pulled himself up and craddled her in his arms, shaking her while hoping for her to wake up.

"(Y/n)... Love please- wake up"

To his relieved she started to cough as she regained her consciousness. Fred quickly wrapped his arms around her tightly feeling grateful that she survived.

Percy made his way towards them, quickly helping them making their way to the great hall when suddenly Voldemort's voice could be heard commanding his armies to retreat and commanding Harry to gives himself up.

Percy and Fred with (Y/n) in his arms walk into the great hall as Molly quickly made their way towards them, engulfing them with hugs feeling relieved that both her son and (Y/n), her daughter as she claimed her to be was safe.

A few hours has passed and the sun has risen telling another day has arrived when Voldermort and his people arrived carrying dead Harry in his arms. He began to claimed and speech about putting faith on him when suddenly Harry leapt out of Hagrid's arms.

Everything happened so fast and the next thing (Y/n) know Voldermort had turned into dust and gone for good. Everyone was cheering and she was over the moon by the situation.

"(Y/n)!!!"

A familiar voice brought her out of her little memory. A voice she had grown to love. A voice that she would never be tired of hearing.

Fred makes his way to her quickly scooping her up into his arms as she let out a tiny squeal while he spin her around. A beautiful smile on his face even with a messy hair and a slight cut on his lips he manages to look handsome.

Setting her down, they share a long, passionate kiss telling how much they love each other.

"I am so going to marry you after this." Fred said between the kiss making (Y/n) laugh.

"I'll be waiting then..." she said with hope lacing in her voice.

"Just you wait, love"

"For as long as I live..."

With that they share yet another kiss before joining the rest of their family and friends.

#fred weasely #fred weasley x fem!reader #fred weasley fanfiction #fred weasley fluff #fred weasley smut #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley x y/n #fred weasley one shot #george weasley #harry potter #weasley twins

[lchufflepuffcorn]

Scared of the moonlight  (Remus Lupin x Reader x Sirius Black)

Author’s note: Heya there! So I literally ripped my heart of my chest writing this. 🙃

Words: 1282

Warning: Angst, the gif is not mine, it belongs to it’s owner/ creator , not Wolfstar.

You can find my masterlist here and my ask box is open!! 

The 12 Square Grimmaurd was not a luminous and happy place. It was dark, dusty and green. You couldn't decide if it was because of the paint, or if it was mould. Did you want to know? Not really. There is a fine line between being sombre and being dirty in a house, and that line is blurry in the Black Household. You sit in the kitchen; your arms crossed over your chest, and your eyes a fixated on the older man before you. 

"No." 

The older man chuckles. His half-moon glasses fall a little bit on his seemingly once or twice-broken nose as he down his head towards his hands. But his blue eyes never lose sight of yours. "I understand your reticence (Y/L/N), but we have no other choice." 

"I can't just abandon my job, Albus. Some students count on me to be there in September," you argue. Your job as a teacher in one of the  Canadian bilingual schools was what made you live throughout the war. The WhiteStar Academy of Magic was your home more than Hogwarts ever was. 

"I've already talked with your director on the matter, (Y/L/N). The order count's on you." 

Rage is all you can feel at the moment. Black and Lupin are sitting there too, face down, not pipping a word. They know your anger is one of a kind. At least time did not erase that from their memory. It seems that except Lily and James, they remember nearly nobody of your group of friend that died. As if Dorcas and Marlene never existed. As if Frank and Alice didn't lose their mind. As if Harry was the only one without parents after the war. And Black, selfishly going after the real traitor, making everyone believe he was it. You send them a heartfelt glare, and they seem to shrink even more in their sit. 

"Why ask me if it's already decided. You act like we are still your students, Albus. We aren't I have a job that I love, students that need my help, even more now because of this situation. I'm not leaving them in front of this shit hole of a situation now!" 

"The director of your school proposed to give you an alleged timetable for the year." 

It went for hours. Back and forth, and you grew angrier by the minute. It ended with you admitting defeat. Albus could never lose, even if it hurt you saying so. The summer had just started, and already the 12 Square Grimmaurd was filling itself with people from the order, Mad-Eye-Moody, Shacklebolt, Tonks, it was never-ending. On the rare time Remus, you and Sirius were alone, it was explosive, in a silent kind of way. 

The past was something you didn't like to remember. Feelings hurt. Love and friendship were fragile, and you knew too much of the sickness it gave when it disappears or breaks. There were nights where you couldn't sleep, and usually, neither could the two men. It was during those nights when all the rage and sadness you had felt those fourteen years came out. 

"Trust goes both ways, Lupin. How can I trust you now that I know you never trusted me enough to tell me what you are?" and "Did you ever think, Black, that maybe Harry would have wanted to live with you instead? That maybe he would have needed you, and you weren't there. Instead, you tried to kill Peter and look where that got you!" You didn't care if you hurt them. They did hurt you first. 

They didn't dare to speak against you, seeing you cry while screaming at them about their wrongs. They knew it was like therapy to you. 

Remus was typically the one talking back at you when the full moon was near. He was also the one to walk out without speaking, and it was Sirius who spoke you into sleeping those nights. It usually ended up with you passing out in his arms. 

There were nights where you would fall asleep crying. Marlene and Dorcas weren't there anymore, and all you could do in this house of old memories was to remember all of your discussions. Crushes and heartbreaks and your heart would flinch at those thoughts. Long gone were the times you talked about Remus blushing now… 

You were in Canada when they brought Harry to the Hogwarts Express, but you were fuming when you received his letter. The news of having a God Mother had the boy overjoyed. Screaming is what met Sirius the second you opened the door of his family's house, waking up the portrait of his mother. Her screaming reached yours. 

"You're still angry with me?" Asked Sirius that night, while everybody else was either asleep or had left. You shrugged. 

"I don't think I'll ever get over what you've done… But at the same time, I guess that it's a very 'Sirius' thing to do." That made him smile sadly. 

As weeks passed, your heart melted slowly. Sirius wanted only two things: going to Lily and James' graves and meeting with Alice and Frank at least once more. You took him, both times. It helped to get out of the house, where Tonks was flirting with Remus each time she could. Your heart would break each time, but you smiled and still talked with her about the trouble she had communicating with him.

''He is a tough person to read.'' You considered to her one night while drinking a hot tea.  Molly was stirring soup at the other side of the kitchen, humming softly. Tonks only nodded. 

On the 31 of October, you apparated to Godric's Hollow, Sirius, in his shaggy black dog form beside you. You had never seen Sirius cry before. The hiccups he was having as a dog were representative of his mental status. That night, you sat with him for a long while in the cemetery. 

There were nights where you went back in time, Remus, you and Sirius were back in Hogwarts, laughing near a fire without a care in the world. During those times, your heart was aching for a touch from your long time crush. The adult you, the one who was seeing daily the lovestruck gaze that Tonks looked Remus with, was against it. You had spent years living perfectly well without him in your life. Maybe, it just wasn't meant to be. It was a beautiful dream when you were younger, but you needed to be mature now, and realistic. 

After Christmas, that's when Tonks and Remus started to be interested in each other mutually. You couldn't bear to watch it. You spent some time back in Canada, after speaking with Dumbledore, taking vacations. From Sirius's letters, you learned that Remus was still insecure about his condition. He was interested one day, then cold the very next, or playing dumb most of the time. You could only feel sad for Sirius' niece. 

When you came back, Remus hugged you, and your heart started beating like crazy, your cheeks went hot, and your eyes sat on Tonks whose face sunken immediately. 

That night, once again, it was Sirius who too you in his arms while you were crying. 

''I just wish I hadn't been scared of the moonlight when I was younger,'' you said after calming down. ''Maybe I wouldn't feel so weird about it now...'' Sirius nodded. 

''Yeah,'' he said. 

''Do you ever feel like you should have made some other choices, romantically speaking, I mean.'' 

''All the time.'' 

And if you had looked, you would have seen his eyes on you, a look he had worn for years when he looked at you. 

#Remus Lupin #Sirius Balck #Harry potter fandom #Harry Potter imagine #heartbreak #angst #Sirius Black x reader #Remus Lupin x reader #Wolfstar #The marauders #Marauders imagines #order of the phoenix #werewolf #animagis #death #memories #Lily evans #James potter #Harry Potter #Not centered on cute romance #i'm trying not to cry #I hate myself for this #I'm really sorry

[joyandeggs]

@fishing-for-blood tagged me in a question game. ❤ Thank you so much, Sam.

Name / Nickname: Joy.

Gender / pronouns: Female, she/they. I honestly don't mind any pronouns.

Star Sign: Leo.

Height: 5'0". 😳❤

Time: ~10:30 AM. (When I wrote this originally. It's ~6:00 PM when I'm actually posting. 😌)

Birthday: August 2nd.

Favourite bands: I love TWRP, Chromeo, Bradio, Dreams Come True, Daft Punk... And I LOVE older bands from the 80s and 90s like The Cars, Savage Garden, Talking Heads, Moody Blues, so so many I can't name right off the top of my head. I really like Planet Booty, too. Good stuff. And NSP! Danny's covers are my favorites. I love them. I'm also a huge sucker for Jonas Brothers. I loved their old stuff, and their new music is just fantastic.

Favourite solo artists: So many. I love a bunch of Japanese artists like Wataru Hatano, Anri, Noriko Sakai, Taeko Onuki, so many older Japanese pop artists. I love older music from the 80s and 90s especially. Can't forget like, Yuji Ueda. I love the songs he's done in the past. ❤ I really enjoy Omar Apollo, and MAX, really love their styles. And many country artists like Lee Brice and Hunter Hayes, I enjoy country from time to time. And I do love Post Malone, whenever I want to listen to rap. It all depends on my mood, but I enjoy all of these artists.

Song stuck in my head: Any pop or rap song from work is always stuck in my head. 😣

Last Movie: Corin and I were watching the original Ghost in the Shell the other weekend, but we ended up making breakfast and hanging out in the living room that morning so we never finished it.

Last Show: Corin and I watched the first ten episodes or so of Yu Yu Hakusho the Monday before last together when we both had the day off. ❤

When did I create this blog?: I know it was when I started college. 2015? Gosh.

What do I post?: I started this blog reblogging Undertale art that I really loved, and other video game stuff. Now I literally will reblog everything. I do focus more on Hunter x Hunter though.

Last thing I googled: Japanese apartment interior designs and Japanese fashion. Trying to get ideas for Tiny House and myself, LOL.

Do I get asks: Not really. It's rare. Even on everyshoot no one sends asks. I would encourage anyone to though, on any account. I love talking to you guys!

Why I chose my url: I like eggs! 😊 And putting my name in things.

Why I originally joined tumblr: I got super invested in Undertale / W.D. Gaster, and seeing all of the fanart made me miss having a tumblr back when I was a teenager.

Why I stay: The mutuals!! 💓 I have made such great friends through being into One Punch Man and Hunter x Hunter, and not being afraid to reblog self ship stuff has led me to meeting such nice and fun people, too. I also stay for funny posts and lovely art. And the gush posts, oh my GOSH I LOVE everyone's gush posts! I know everyone's faves now. 💞

Average hours of sleep: 5-8. It depends on if I just cannot go to sleep that night, or if I have to wake up early for work.

Instruments: None.

What am I wearing?: A baggy shirt of Corin's. I'm enjoying my day off today by relaxing in bed Because I am not feeling well. 💔

Dream job: I honestly would love to be a streamer, and an artist. It sounds silly though.

Dream trip: Japan!!! And Canada!!! 💓

Last book I read: It might have been one of my OPM books. I haven't sat down and read a book in a while.

Favourite food: I love Japanese food, like sushi, curry, and ramen. Specifically, I love rice, pork, and green bell peppers. But simple stuff like mac n cheese and bread and potatoes are also huge favorites of mine. I just love so many foods. One of my favorite things ever that Corin makes though is cajun pasta, which is penne with spicy sausage, chicken, spices, heavy cream, and parmesan and mozzarella cheese. 💞💞💞 That would be my "last meal before I die" absolutely.

Nationality: American.

Favourite Song: Too many. I really love New Door by Yuji Ueda, for Tokimeki Memorial Girl's Side 2. ❤

Top three fictional universes: Hunter x Hunter (PLEASE transport me there), One Punch Man (I would love to be there too, minus the monsters and what's happening with the HA at the moment), and...maybe Sonic? Or maybe Kirby.

#I won't tag anyone but anyone is more than welcome to do it #❤ #about me #joy

[thegrumpyjournalist]

Tagged by lovely @sunflowertea23!! Thank you dear!! <3 ;3 Name: Inga Nickname: Ingu, Ingątko. I love nicknames so if you going to give me one I will love it!! ;3 Gender: Swinging toward nb!! Sign: Cancer Current time: 12.23 Favorite artist: I don't really have just one, but I like Gorillaz, IAMX, Mother Mother, Billy Talent, Missio, BMTH, Get Scared, Low Roar, Queen, Twenty One Pilots, The Dirty Heads, Glass Animals, Man with a Mission, Linkin Park, Miike Snow, Mindless Self Indulgence, MCR, RHCP, Sufjan Stevens and many more but I like one song from them or something. Song that’s stuck in your head: Louder Than The DJ by Billy Talent Last movie I watched: Sleepers/Jojo Rabbit Last thing I googled: I’m looking for some restaurant for today’s dinner!! Other blogs: @sleepypastelmoon, @latenightautumnwalksandcuddles (thinking about deleting it) and one more but I don’t really want to share it since it has many tw.  Do I get asks?: Yeah usually from my mutuals and for ask games ;p Reason for url?: I really wanted to be a journalist when I was younger and grumpy refers to me being moody and I just really like that word!! Following: (I'm stupid is it how much blogs I follow or the other way around? xD) I have 476 followers and I follow 632. Average amount of sleep: Usually 6-7 hours, but now I'm really stressed and I can't really sleep ;x Lucky number: I don't have a lucky number but 10 is my fave!! Dream job: Psychologist or interpreter!! But rn everything in my head is a total mess so.. ksdjdks Dream trip: The Netherlands, Scandinavia, Lithuania, Canada, New Zealand!! Favorite food: Red broth...Quesadillas,,, Instruments: None!! Or maybe if you count glockenspiel (god this name is very weird...) and a bit of harmonica. Favorite song: None at the moment!!! But I have many positive memories tied to Who We Are by Imagine Dragons and Breaking The Habit by Linkin Park. I'm tagging:@pumpkinglasses, @clairles, @leneueee, @moonbowjelly @instabilitaet, @redcandieddust, @kratqa, @tellmeemoar, @dorodny, @kocham-lidle, @vinkaa and @nostalgiaiscool!!

#tagged #personal tag #sunflowertea23 #thank you Sun!!! <3

[imagine-that-100]

Falling For You

Description: Shawn Mendes x Reader (Female) | You are the lifelong best friend of Shawn Mendes. You have both loved The 1975 for years and when you attend the Brit Awards with Shawn, Matty Healy reveals some new information to you. When you and Shawn attend their concert later on in the year your wildest dreams come true.

Thank you so much for requesting this @lololovestaylor! I adored writing this! x

Word Count: 16.2k

Warnings: Catcalling 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Being away from someone is hard. It’s hard when you haven’t seen them for a few days or even a week. But you suffered from that particular type of pain more than most people. And you had been for suffering for years.

Since the age of 15 you had been separated from your best friend and despite wishing him all the luck in the world, it broke you every time he left. The moments together were spent messing around and you never leaving his side.

Shawn has been your best friend since you could remember. You were born on the same day and you’d grown up together. Going to the same schools and you were by his side almost every step of the way of him becoming the famous Shawn Mendes.

You had been there through it all. You were the one who told Shawn to put his covers on YouTube and were there to help him edit the videos when he needed it.

You were there when he got signed and you were there when everything became a little too much for him and he needed a reminder of home. You were his home. And he was yours.

You missed your best friend like crazy and you wished you spoke more whilst he was away. You were always hesitant to message him though.

You knew he was either busy, on stage or tired and you didn’t want to interrupt his schedule. So, whilst he was away you took a back seat and let Shawn control things.

You’d let him call you and you’d stay up till the silly hours of the morning chatting to him when he needed to get his emotions out. You even got excited when it was just a quick 2-minute call to check in.

Anytime his name flashed up on your screen you loved it because it was a piece of your best friend coming back to you. You called or texted him on occasion but only when you desperately needed him.

One of those times was when one of your favourite band released tickets in Toronto and you couldn’t stop yourself from getting the both of you tickets. It was 9am and you knew Shawn had got back to his apartment really early that morning, but you didn’t care.

You’d just got the both of you tickets to see The 1975 on June 3rd and you were so excited. You hadn’t been to a concert in ages.

The last time you saw Shawn live was when he brought you to the shows that he did in Toronto for the Illuminate tour. You had only been to one other concert after that and it wasn’t as good as Shawn’s.

However, you had been obsessed with The 1975 ever since Shawn made you listen to their first album, just after Shawn had gotten big. You remembered the day like it was yesterday.

You had been listening to Stitches on the radio sat in Shawn’s bedroom and you’d been grinning at him the whole time whilst singing along. You’d re-enacted the music video by faking a punch to the face and you fell on his bed whilst screaming along to the lyrics.

By the end you and Shawn were both in fits of giggles and your head was lay in his lap. You were out of breath and were focused on getting your breathing back under control, staring at his ceiling.

You felt Shawn rest his hand on your hair and twirl it around his fingers and you zoned out for a moment. A few seconds later though Shawn interrupted your peace and said “Y/N, please tell me you have listened to this song?”

You tuned back into reality and heard an upbeat song playing on the radio. You listened for a moment as the lyrics bounced around the room.

“And she said use your hands and my spare time. We’ve got one thing in common, it’s this tongue of mine. She said oh. She’s got a boyfriend anyway”

You sat up, getting off Shawn and your hair fell out of his fingers as you turned towards him and said “Never heard it in my life Mendes”

“Oh my god, listen to it please” Shawn said putting a finger over his lips instructing you to be quiet.

You smiled at him and did as you were asked and carried on listening. You heard the lyric “she’s got a boyfriend anyway” a few times and smirked at Shawn.

You said “I think she’s got a boyfriend” with a cheeky grin on your face.

“Shut the fuck upppp” Shawn groaned and poked you in your side causing you to giggle.

You lent your head on his shoulder and carried on listening to the song. Or to be more specific you listened to Shawn sing along to the song. “And now we’re on the bed in my room...”

You happily listened to him sing along to the song and the more you listened the more you found yourself enjoying it. You started tapping along to the beat and found yourself getting into the song.

You wanted to know the lyrics, you wanted to sing along. Shawn sang the lyric “If we’re gunna do anything we might as well just fuck”

Your eyes widened and your head snapped towards him. His eyes met yours and you gasped “That was too vulgar to come out of your mouth Shawnie”

You pushed his shoulder and let out a laugh at the face he was pulling at you. “I’ve had sex you idiot” He said pushing you back.

“Tell me about it, you’ve brought it up once or twice” You rolled your eyes. When it happened, he told you everything. Literally everything. And you were happy for him, but you didn’t really want to know.

The last few months you started to imagine a life with Shawn, like every teenage girl did with a crush. A life with his as more than your best friend, but you would never, ever compromise what you had with him.

And that’s what Shawn stayed as. Your best friend who you told absolutely everything to. After that day you both found yourself listening to The 1975’s first album a lot.

His Mom would always complain that we needed to mix it up a bit because it was the same songs on repeat. That and she didn’t like the language the song used.

It was definitely no surprise to you that there was little to no swearing on Shawn’s first album. But you loved each and every song anyway.

As a teen you quickly fell in love with all of the boys in the 1975 and because you were a basic bitch, Matty was obviously your favourite. Before Shawn went on tour for the first time, he would hear about how you would let any member of the band do whatever they wanted to you.

Yes, you were a horny teen and no, you didn’t care. And neither did Shawn really. He found it quite funny at times. He would joke about how you needed to get laid and you would play it off as if you didn’t want Shawn to ‘satisfy your needs’ as he put it.

There was a horrendous about of banter between the two of you and it was really no wonder that your crush developed. The cutest, most talented brunette boy in Canada was your age and your best friend.

Needless to say, when you secured your tickets to The 1975’s show at the Budweiser Stage you called Shawn immediately. You didn’t for a second think he was going to answer which is why you got dressed and started to make your way over to his apartment.

The late nights and early mornings really didn’t agree with your best friend and you knew that very well. There were mornings when you both had to be up for ice hockey and you’d accidentally fell asleep at his or the other way round, and you had to drag him there half dead.

Clearly, with Shawn touring he was even more tired. Usually you felt bad for him, so you let him rest but today was not one of those days.

You didn’t even get annoyed when people bumped into you on the hectic sidewalk, you just kept your destination in mind. You were about to see your best friend in person for the first time in 4 months and give him the best news.

The chilly November breeze didn’t even phase you. You were too excited to let anything get you down.

You made your way up to his apartment, remembering how you had to heave his boxes up the stairs because the lift was broken when he moved in. It was a funny day but by the end you were both knackered and fell asleep with a half-eaten pizza in front of you.

You banged loudly on his door and hoped he would get up and let you in. After a minute of constant banging on his door you heard your phone go off.

Use your key you psycho  

You rolled your eyes and quickly unlocked his door. You loved how he knew it was you. Nothing has changed at all.

You push the door open and slam it shut behind you, in hopes to wake him up a bit more. You also kicked your shoes off as you know you’ll end up sat on his bed.

“Shawn” You shouted bursting through his bedroom door.

“Y/N” He groaned rolling over to face you. You can see in the dark room that Shawn’s lay on his bed with nothing but his black Calvin’s on.

He opened his arms out to you and you fell into them. You felt his arms wrap around you and you hugged him tightly. “I’ve missed you Mendes” You murmur into his ear.

“I’ve missed you too” Shawn said hugging you the tiniest bit tighter. After a second, he rolled you over, so you were lay down next to him. You let out a squeal as you did so which caused Shawn to laugh.

Once he let you go you both lay there for a second just enjoying each other’s physical company again.

“Didn’t know you were still doing your photo shoot Mendes” You said pulling on the waist band of his underwear and letting it slap back onto his skin.

“That. Hurt.” Shawn said almost pushing you off the bed.

“Oh shut up you model” You poked his side. He’d sent you the pictures that they had taken from him last month and you couldn’t stop laughing. After the initial shock obviously.

“I’m not a model Y/N” Shawn said with a moody look on his face.

“Oh yeah because you haven’t just modelled for the biggest underwear brand in the world” You joked. Shawn have you a look and you just could get the smile off your face.

“You’re going to break the fucking internet when they release them Shawn” You tell him, and he waves you off. It was nice to see that he was still down to earth despite nearly every household in the world knowing who he was.

Shawn let out a breath and closed his eyes again. You watched as he pretty much fell back to sleep before you slapped his chest.

“Y/N please just let me sleep” Shawn groaned, pleading with his eyes.

“Nooooo” You whined. “I have news” You smiled.

“No. No news until I’ve had another few hours of sleep” Shawn said throwing the duvet over you.

“But Shaw...” You started but he shut you up. He put a hand over your mouth and looked into your eyes.

“No Y/N. Let’s just sleep. Like we used to” He said, and you didn’t argue. You knew he must be really tired because he was never usually like this.

You fell asleep with the memory of all the times in the past when you’d fallen asleep with your best friend beside you. You really did miss having him with you and you were glad he was back.

You woke up 3 hours later. You were on the verge of sweating. You were dressed in your Youth hoodie that Shawn gave you ages ago and skinny jeans. The duvet was also over you and so was Shawn’s tattooed arm.

You lay there for a moment getting your brain back into gear. You hadn’t realised how tired you were. Getting the tickets must have really woken you up.

You shuffled out of bed quickly and threw the curtains open. The light that entered the room was blinding and by the hiss that Shawn let out, you would have guessed that he was a vampire and the light was burning him.

You laughed as you walked towards the bathroom and watched him writhe in pain. He let out obscene profanities and threw a pillow at you when you shouted “Get up, I have news”

You just dodged the pillow as you slipped into the bathroom and let out a laugh. You found your toothbrush in the pot where you left it last and got the rotten taste out of your mouth.

Shawn came in a minute later in and moved you out of the way so he could do the same. His hair was a complete mess. It reminded you of the time that he hadn’t brushed it in a week, but now it was longer, so it was worse.

You finished up quickly and watched as sleepy Shawn slowly came back to life because you said “Right, I have news. Meet me in the lounge”

“Are you okay?” Shawn asked with a mouthful of toothpaste. He was looking at you with worry through the mirror.

Your eyes connected with his brown ones and you smiled “I’m wonderful”. After you slipped out of the room you shout “Get dressed”

You rested yourself on Shawn’s comfy corner sofa and ordered the both of you some food. You really didn’t want to go outside again. It was also getting cold out now and you regretted not bringing a coat with you. Then again you weren’t planning to leave for at least a few days.

It always happened when Shawn got back. You would come round and he usually wouldn’t let you leave unless it was to join him at his parents’ house. You obviously didn’t complain, you wanted to spend as much time with him as you could whilst he was back.

Shawn came out a few minutes later and joined you on the sofa. “I’ve ordered us food” You smiled down at him as he lay his head in your lap.

You ruffled your hand through his hair and saw his face brighten up. You laughed hearing his stomach rumble and he asked, “What we havin’?”

“McDonalds because its quick and easy” You said before slapping his forehead.

“Ugh I hate you” Shawn said keeping his eyes closed, in hopes that you wouldn’t continue your assault.

“You love me, and you know it” You laughed. “Now wake up. I have news” You said watching as he sat up properly next to you.

“What is it?” Shawn asked, an uncomfortable feeling settling in his stomach.

You grinned at him knowing just how excited he was going to be. You seemed to leave it too long though because Shawn said “Tell me, you’re scaring me Y/N”

You started laughing and said “okay, okay… I got us standing tickets to The 1975” You tried not to freak out but you failed and started squealing seeing Shawn’s face beam.

“Really?” Shawn asked, running a hand through his curls

“Yeah, I got them this morning, I’m sooooo excited!” You practically yelled; You were that excited.

“Oh my god, Y/N I’m so excited! When is it?” Shawn asked you, hugging you tightly.

“June 3rd, please please please tell me you aren’t touring Shawn” You said, and Shawn’s eyes widened. You felt him go still and you knew what that meant.

You pulled back from him and said, “You are, aren’t you?” Shawn watched your face fall and his chest hurt. He hated that he was never around to do the stuff that you both used to do.

“I’m sorry Y/N” Shawn said running a hand through his hair. He felt so bad and watched as you tried to hide your disappointment with one of your bright smiles. He knew you too well though.

“It fine, don’t worry. I can just sell them on closer to the time and become just as rich as you” You laughed.

You were disappointed but in no way would you make Shawn feel guilty for doing what he loved. You would never ever come in between him and his career.

“I’m really sorry Y/N/N” Shawn said again, and he looked upset.

“Hey Shawn” You said resting a hand on his leg. He looked up at you and said “It’s honestly fine, you can just watch a chick flick with me to make up for it”

You stuck your tongue out at him and cheered him up until a knock on the door interrupted you. You said “I’ll grab it, you get blankets ready for the film”

Shawn nodded giving you a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. Shawn got his phone out and sent Andrew a quick text that said Please call me

You came back over with the food and Shawn got up to get the blankets. He wonders off into the other room when you hear his phone start to call next to you.

You pick it up off the sofa and see Andrews name flash up on the screen. You walk into his bedroom and saw Shawn grabbing a few blankets from inside his wardrobe.

“It’s Andrew” You say holding his phone out to him.

“Trade?” Shawn asked handing you the blankets in exchange for his phone.

“Give me five minutes and I’ll be all yours” Shawn says, and you smile back.

“Better had be” You joke as he answers the phone and you hear him giggle as you leave the room.

Shawn did indeed join you 5 minutes later and you both quickly devoured your food. You ended up putting To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before on and fell in love with Noah Centineo.

“Didn’t you do the Calvin shoot with him” You questioned, and Shawn nodded.

You chatted about that for a while and once the film finished you Shawn chose the next one. He elected to put on The Conjuring which you weren’t impressed about.

You hated ghosts and Shawn knew you did. You spent the whole of the film hiding into Shawn’s side because you just didn’t want to watch.

“You’re so lame” Shawn said as you jumped again.

“You’re a fucking idiot because you won’t be sleeping when I take up half your bed because I’m too scared to sleep in my own room” You said slapping his solid arm.

Shawn shook his head at you until his phone went off again. “You’re too popular for your own good” You said, and you watched Shawn smile at his phone and type a reply back to whoever it was.

“What?” Shawn asked, obviously not paying attention to you.

“Nothing” You laughed and diverted you attention to the film again.

A minute later Shawn said “I have some good news”

You looked round at him and asked “Ooo what is it?”

“We are going to The 1975 after all” Shawn told you and you looked at him confused.

“Erm no we’re not, you have a tour to do” You told him eating another biscuit and trying not to be scared of the TV.

“I changed the tour dates; Andrew approves so we’re going” He tells you and you looked back at him with your mouth ajar.

You jump on your best friend and give him the tightest hug in the world. “I can’t believe you! Why would you do that!” You shouted down his ear but still have your arms wrapped around his neck.

“Because. I wanna go to a concert with you again and I need a break in-between Europe and the rest of the world anyway” Shawn told you gripping onto you tightly. He’d missed you so much.

“But what about the fans?” You ask once his grip on you loosened. You looked into his eyes and saw the joy in them, and he saw your Y/E/C eyes beam with excitement.

“Tickets aren’t on sale yet, just changed the dates” He said trying to hold back a grin.

“Ahhhh Shawnnn” You squealed. “I’m sooooo excited” You said hugging him again. Shawn wrapped an arm around you again and he could feel you buzzing with energy.  

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Shawn had told his Mom the wrong date he was home, so you had the whole day together with no interruptions. You were just about to go into Shawn’s spare room (which was practically your room) when he said “You know earlier on when you told me you had news, I genuinely thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant”

Your eyes widened in shock, but you decided to joke around with it. “Oh my god Shawn how did you know?” You said, clearly joking.

Shawn grinned at you from the door that led into his room “Very funny”

“No Shawn, I’m serious it’s your baby” You said rubbing a hand over your stomach. You couldn’t help yourself from starting to laugh and neither could Shawn.

After a while your laughter died down and Shawn said “Honestly though, I thought you were going to tell me that you and Jake were expecting”

You smiled at the ground and shook your head “Nah, me and Jake went our separate ways about two months ago”

“What?” You heard Shawn say softly. You just nodded at the ground not finding the heart to look at him.

Shawn was on his festival tour when it happened and the last thing you wanted to do was interrupt any of it. He never asked, so you never told him. You just called him now and again when you needed reminding that you were worth something more than what Jake had ended up making you feel like.

“Yeah” You said quietly as you heard Shawn walk over to you.

“Y/N, why didn’t you tell me?” Shawn asked bringing you into a tight hug.

You hugged him back feeling guilty about not telling him in the first place. “I didn’t want to bother you whist you were away” You tell him honestly. He was your best friend; he knew when you were lying so there was no point in doing so.

“Y/N, you’re my best friend it’s what I’m here for. You call me whenever you need me” Shawn told you comfortingly but soothingly at the same time.

“You were there for me. I listened to Treat You Better on repeat for like a week and cried my feelings away” You joked but there was truth to your statement. You did cry listening to it a few times.

“Y/N, your making me feel so bad right now” Shawn said hugging you tighter. Your grip on his top tightened probably leaving a wrinkle in it but at this moment you doubted he cared.

“I’m sorry, I hate to bother you when you’re away, you’re always really stressed and busy and the last thing I wanna do is add to that by you having to talk to me” You said into his shoulder.

Shawn’s head was spinning. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t been there for you when you needed him the most. You both stayed silent for a few minutes just in each other comforting embrace.

When Shawn let you go you saw that he was having one of his inner conflicts and you were about to say something, but he got there first. “You ever need me Y/N and I mean ever, no matter the time, you call me, and I will be there” He said in a stern voice.

You knew he wasn’t joking and so you nodded your head. “Promise me Y/N?” Shawn more told you than asked.

You nodded again “I promise” and gave him another hug. After another minute you both said goodnight to each other. It had been a long day of you both doing nothing but you both knew that you needed your rest for tomorrow.

A day when Shawn came home was hectic for everyone involved. Karen loved to spoil Shawn when he came home and because you were rarely apart it ended up in you being spoiled as well.

On the odd occasion you would go around to see Aaliyah and Karen would even spoil you then. You felt she was your Mom at times in the past because you were there that often. When you went round though you also felt like when you were somehow closer to Shawn when his family were around you.

You remember the last time you were there, which was just after you split up with Jake, you walked past Shawn room on the way into Aaliyah’s and the wave of loneliness hit you. It was like you had lost a piece of yourself and someone just reminded you that it was gone.

Once Aaliyah had shown you the stuff that she had bought and got you to help her, you gave yourself a few minutes break. You slowly opened Shawn’s bedroom door and took a step in.

It was exactly like he left it, but tidy. His guitars scattered around the room and his bed freshly made. The last time you were in this room you’d both fallen asleep watching music videos and woken up the next morning to the smell of freshly cooked pancakes. Needless to say, you had both raced downstairs and ate as much as you could.

You’d been sat on Shawn’s bed for a minute and you hugged his shitty guitar pillow that you’d bought him years ago to your chest. You really missed him, and you’d only just realised how much.

The next thing you knew Karen knocked lightly on the door and snapped you out of your memories. You smiled up at her and you remembered that she came in the room and joined you.

You remember both letting a few tears fall at the memories you were telling each other about. You ended up hugging her when she told you that she thought of you like part of the family and she let it slip that it when Shawn was away, she felt like she’d lost two kids instead of one.  

When you got home that night you remember having a good cry and letting your emotions loose. That was one of the days where you called Shawn first and he immediately made you feel better.

When you climbed into Shawn’s spare bed you found that sleep definitely wasn’t going to come easily. You felt so bad for not telling Shawn and everything to do with Jake was spiralling around your head.

Before you knew it, an hour had passed, and you were staring at the ceiling hoping boredom would send you to sleep. That didn’t happen though.

What did happen was you jumping out of your skin when the door handle rattled. You stared at the door as it began to open, and your heart started thudding.

You really needed to stop watching those horror movies because you feared the absolute worst when it was just Shawn. You released the breath that you were holding and said “You just scared the shit out of me”

You heard him laugh as he closed the door behind him and got under the covers with you. “You scared me so much” You said beginning to calm down.

“Really?” Shawn asked and you nodded. You took ahold of his wrist and placed his  hand over your chest so he could feel your beating heart.

“Jesus, you are a wimp” Shawn laughed, and you did too.

“What you doing here anyway Mendes? Scared of the dark?” You asked playfully before returning your gaze to the ceiling.

“No, I just couldn’t sleep” Shawn told you whilst shuffling about, you assumed to get himself comfortable.

“Same” You whispered. After that you lay there in silence for a few more minutes until Shawn cautiously asked, “What happened Y/N?”

You let out a breath and started to divulge in the story. As you did so you just stared at the ceiling and let the words escape from your lips.

You told him about how Jake slowly started becoming more distant and more abrupt with you. He was always joking around but he’d started doing that with everyone but you.

You told him how it got worse and you were always arguing and then it turned out that he’d been cheating. You don’t know when the tear fell down your face, but you assumed Shawn saw it because he took ahold of your hand and intertwined your fingers.

You clung onto the small comfort it gave you as you finished off the story. It wasn’t nice to relive because you were with Jake for almost a year but saying it out loud gave you more closure somehow.

Shawn listened silently and tried to keep his anger at bay for your sake. He was so protective over you that it took a lot for him to accept Jake in the first place.

Now he didn’t think he would trust anyone again with your feelings. You didn’t deserve to be crying in bed over an asshole. You deserved the world.

When your voice cracked when you’d just finished speaking was when Shawn’s heart really broke. He knew it would be easier for you to open up in the dark as if no one was there because you hated talking about yourself. But being with you and hearing your heartbreak broke him.

Shawn let go of your hand and pulled you into him. You buried your face into his chest and let the tears fall. You hated that you were crying over an asshole who didn’t care.

After a few minutes of Shawn holding your shaking body he started to try and make you feel better. Just by him being there and hugging you was doing the trick, but his voice soothed you immensely.

After a few minutes you were calming down and Shawn’s pyjama top was drying up your tears. Shawn has gone onto being funny now and was saying “What is it that Matty Healy says? Get someone you love, get someone you need...”

You started to laugh at Shawn’s lame excuse of a joke. Shawn smiled upon hearing your laughter and he joined in.

“Come on, carry it on” Shawn said.

“Fuck that get money” You croaked out and you cringed because it definitely sounded awful.

“That’s it” Shawn laughed and before you knew it, you’d fallen asleep in his arms.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The beginning of February was cold to say the least. You were back to missing Shawn, but you felt a lot better within yourself.

Despite Shawn having to leave again at the beginning of December, he got you back to a good place. You were at the stage where you no longer cried over Jake.

It had been put to rest; you were at peace with the situation. Whilst Shawn was away you had talked pretty much every day which was nice and something you had to grow used to again.

When he came home for Christmas it was great. Your family went over to the Mendes household on Boxing Day for a big meal and it was awesome.

You were so lucky that your Mom and Karen were best friends. They had given you the greatest best friend in the world and you were beyond thankful that they stayed in touch after August 8th, 1998.

You and Shawn were born on the same day and that’s how they met. You’d literally known Shawn since the day you were born and consequently you were best friends because of it.

As you were walking the busy streets of Toronto you got a call from Shawn and you didn’t hesitate to answer. “Hey, what’s up?” You asked.

“Y/N, you’re coming to England” Shawn said abruptly.

“Erm, I don’t think I am” You laughed beyond confused.

“No, you are, I’ve just put your name down as my plus one for the Brit Awards” Shawn told you and panic started to rise in you.

“Shawn I can’t go to one of those with you, you know what people would say” You didn’t care about actually going, uou weren’t scared about that. You were scared about what people would do.

You didn’t want the media to start trying to ruin anything to do with Shawn’s career.  He had a hectic enough life as it was, and he didn’t need people speculating about the both of you.

There was enough speculation when you allowed Shawn to post the annual picture of the both of you on your birthdays. You had loads of the two of you on your own private Instagram which assholes from high school that you had on there would leak to the rest of the public.

“You’re coming and I’m not taking no for an answer. It’s basically just a big concert but we get food” Shawn, told you and you could hear excitement in his voice.

“Shawn...” You trail off.

“Y/N the 1975 are up for two awards, I’m up for one and I think the 1975 are performing... You are coming” Shawn said, and you could practically see his grin.

“Are you sure you want me there?” You asked cautiously.

“Don’t be stupid, of course I do” Shawn tells you. “I’ve been trying to get you to come to one of these with me for years”

“Okay” You say trying not to grin like a mad man whilst walking down the street.

“Awesome, I’m so excited” Shawn said, and you couldn’t wait.

Before you knew it, you were flying to England to meet Shawn. You’d been picked up at the airport by a security guard because Shawn was busy getting his suit adjusted or something.

Not that you minded you couldn’t wait to get to your hotel and sleep. You only got in an hour sleep before Shawn came and bothered you though. He insisted that he take you out and get you a dress considering he was forcing you to go to the Awards with him.

You understood that in his life you had to dress a certain way. If you were completely honest with yourself, you were actually excited to dress up like you were a celebrity. Be a part of Shawn’s life in a slightly different way to what you were used to.

You ended up picking out a black dress that was skin tight, apart from the skirt that flowed down to your mid-thigh. It also had long sleeves that came down to your wrists and you felt like a princess.

You had definitely never dressed in something so expensive, but Shawn insisted that you had to have it. He said you looked beautiful and you let yourself believe him this once.

It did look good on you and you could only imagine that it would look better when you’d had your hair and make-up done. This you were right about because when the stylists came to Shawn’s hotel room on the night, you felt like a completely different person than when they first entered.

They had given you a dark smoky eyeshadow which made your eyes stand out and curled your hair, so it looked beautiful. In the hotel you got a few pictures with Shawn on your phone and you loved them with the whole of your heart.

Shawn seemed to as well because he set the picture to be his home screen on his phone and subsequently you did too. You’d had a really great night with him and nothing had even happened yet.

At the start you felt a bit uncomfortable not really wanting to be in a foreign country on your own, but you also didn’t want to go on the red carpet with Shawn. You didn’t need the speculations to start and you really valued your privacy.

So, you went inside with Andrew and took a seat as you waited at your table for Shawn to return. You were sat a few tables away from the centre stage and Andrew was catching up with you when Shawn arrived. He informed Andrew that the interviews went well and then proceeded to chat to you for the rest of the night.

Shawn watched as you silently freaked out when you spotted The 1975 boys sit down a couple of tables away from you. You were grabbing onto Shawn’s arm and practically shaking him trying to point them out to him.

Shawn was silently freaking out; you could see it in his face. He was your best friend; he couldn’t hide his excitement from you. You, however, didn’t have a reputation to uphold and you could freak out next to your best friend as much as you wanted to whilst they weren’t around.

You did the same thing with practically every famous face that you saw though. As the night went on and you’d eaten your food you had been introduced to a few people that came up to Shawn and you were fairly certain the camera had caught you a few times when it panned around to Shawn.

You tried not to let it get to you though. You enjoyed the night for what it was. The songs were amazing to listen to and you found that the host Jack Whitehall was extremely funny.

Your favourite part of the night was when he came over and took your seat for a few minutes and chatted to Shawn about how he did indeed break the internet with his Calvin Klein shoot. It was the lock screen on his phone and you almost cried with laughter, because of that and you could clearly see the embarrassment on Shawn’s face.

Shawn looked directly at you when you started laughing even more when Jack Whitehall said about “suspicious packages” You could see that Shawn wanted out of the situation very quickly and Jack seemed to pick up on it as well and after that he left him alone.

You did tell him when he signed up to do the shoot though. You genuinely couldn’t believe that your shy as fuck best friend was now a Calvin Klein model.

You and Shawn both later jumped up and applauded when The 1975 won both of their awards. The final one that they won distracted you from your rant about Shawn not winning his award.

Every time you watched an award show you truly believed that if they couldn’t be bothered turning up to claim the award, they didn’t deserve to have it.

And you thought Shawn was the best in the category. Your music taste didn’t have much range. You tended to listen to the same songs on repeat and only occasionally caught the new ones on the radio.

Shawn pleaded with you to shut up about it and that Drake deserved it over him but that was utter bullshit. You were about to tell him that when The 1975 got called again which thankfully distracted you.

Shawn hugged Matty twice on their way past and you really had to restrict your reaction. When they’d walked by though you sent Shawn a shocked face and he just grinned at you and hugged you after they had gone past.

You listened to their speeches and you wanted to cry for them seeing how happy they were. Then before you knew it, they were being announced to perform not 5 minutes later.

Shawn took you by the hand and pulled you up from your seats. He told Andrew that you would both be back, and he manoeuvred you both through the tables.

He took you to a section of the stage where no fans could really see him, but you had a great view. You managed to get there just as they started to sing Sincerity is Scary and you and Shawn both sang along.

You ended up in your ‘concert position’ as you called it. You had always been smaller than Shawn so when you went to concerts with him before he was famous you would stand in front of him.

It was an amazing performance and you were so sad it was just the one song. It made you so beyond excited for June. When it was finished you gave Shawn a hug and thanked him again for bringing you.

The next thing you knew Shawn had led you through some doorways and you were backstage. Your heeled ankle boots echoed through the hallway and when you saw famous faces in front of you, you went shy and quiet.

Matty had embraced Shawn in the third hug of the evening and Shawn congratulated him and then the others. Whilst Shawn was hugging the others Matty’s eyes met yours and you sent a smile his way.

“Shawn, I didn’t know you had a girlfriend” Matty said taking your hand in his. He flashed you a friendly smile before he kissed your hand. “What’s your name love?”

“Y/N” You tell him with a bright smile. “And I’m not, I’m just his best friend” You continue, either you or Shawn had to correct near enough everyone that came over to him about that tonight. Not that you really minded you were fairly certain whoever he invited would have been mistaken for the same thing.

“Congratulations by the way” You say half in panic “And you guys were amazing out there” You said, looking between the boys.

“Not amazing as you look in here” Matty said in his adorable accent. He then proceeded to twirl you around as his hand still had a hold of yours.

You laughed as he did it and said a shy “Thanks”

“Honestly man, you guys were great. We can’t wait to come see you” Shawn said joining you back at your side.

“You’re coming to see us?” Ross asked you nodded.

“Yeah I got us tickets to your Toronto show. I’m pretty excited” You told him and you were taken aback at how dashing he looked. You think your Matty obsession just transferred to Ross.

“Yeah she only came here with me tonight to see you guys” Shawn said smiling down at you. You nodded in agreement and said “Literally”

“Well get in here for a picture then” George said, waving you over to them.

“Nah, it’s alright. You guys have things to do, you don’t want to be taking pictures with me” You said standing slightly closer to Shawn.

Your best friend had other ideas for you though. “Y/N shut up and have your picture taken” He said pushing you towards Matty. “She’s been obsessed with you all since we were like 16” She tells them

You looked back at Shawn and threw a death glare at him and watched as he took his phone out of his pocket. “Fucking hate you Mendes, outing me like this in front of my favourite people on the planet” You seethed you wrapped your arms around Matty and Ross’ backs.

To your right stood Matty, who had just wrapped an arm around your neck, and George by his side. To your left stood Ross, who you could feel just placed his hand on the small of your back, and Adam stood next to him.

“Think you’ve been shot down there mate, you’re not your best friends favourite” Matty chucked and you nodded “True”.

“Shut up Y/N” Shawn said but you reiterated “Take the fucking picture then”

“Don’t act like you’re not loving life right now” Shawn said sending you a knowing look.

You bit your tongue and said a low “Imma fucking kill him”

You heard the band around you laugh and you all stood still as Shawn took your picture. “There you go, a picture you can obsess over till June now Y/N/N” Shawn said putting his phone down.

You broke apart from the boys and said, “Fucking hilarious Shawn, don’t act like we both didn’t jump around your house singing the all of their first album” You nudged him with your elbow and he gave you a dirty look.

Matty still seemed to be interested in your conversation and he said, “So you are pretty big fans then?”

You and Shawn nodded in sync. “Oh yeah, big time” You told him honestly and patted Shawn’s chest “This guy has wanted to get a picture with you for years”

“Mate” Matty said, putting a hand on Shawn’s shoulder “Come here, we all love your music. Why haven’t we had a photo yet?”

Matty takes out his phone and gives it you. “Will you please take our picture please Y/N?” Matty asks politely.

“Sure” You smile and poke your tongue out at Shawn before spinning around to get some distance between yourself and them. You wanted a full body shot of them. You needed this content in your life and you were sure the fans did as well.

You took one of Matty and Shawn together and then took one of the all of them and Shawn once Matty had shouted them over. They were great pictures and you would most definitely drool at them later.

Ross was fucking beautiful in person and Matty was just as flirty as you imagined. Adam and George were just as adorable as you dreamt as well. “Can you please airdrop me these?” You asked Matty as you handed him his phone back.

He did as you asked and airdropped you the photos and just after that you parted ways. You went and got all of your stuff from the tables and headed to the after party so you and Shawn could drink the night away.

You both decided that you would only be having a few glasses of wine at the actual awards and you would save the partying for later. Which you definitely did.

The after party was grand and Shawn make a big effort not to leave your side. The only time you left him was when you needed to get some air and he’d started chatting to Calvin Harris.

You insisted that you were okay to go alone, and Shawn put his jacket around your shoulders. “To keep you warm” Shawn smiles and then turned back to Calvin after again double checking you were okay.

You quickly went and grabbed another drink and then went outside. You didn’t particularly want to stand in the smoking area but that seemed like the fastest option for you to get outside.

You walked out the doors and went over to the far corner and lent against the wall. You welcomed the cold bricks the you could feel through Shawn’s jacket; they instantly brought your temperature back down.

It was just too warm with all the people in the room. Shawn standing with his arm around you all night also gave you the extra body heat you really didn’t want.

Thankfully the people outside seemed to be intrigued by the people around them or their cigarettes. You got your moment alone and you quietly nursed your large white wine.

After a few minutes of you people watching you spotted a few familiar faces. Ross and Matty has just come outside and you smiled at them.

They returned your smile and made their way over to join you. “Shawn finally left you on your own?” Matty asked lighting his cigarette.

You let out a little laugh and shook your head. “It’s just too warm in there, needed a minute outside”

Ross lit his cigarette and then opened the pack towards you to offer you one. “No thanks”

“Are you both as pure as each other?” Matty asked with a chuckle.

You laughed as well and nodded “Pretty much”

You stood chatting to them for a few minutes and Gabriella Brooks, Matty’s girlfriend came and joined you. Matty introduced you and she was lovely.

Even prettier than she was in the pictures that she posted. You all chatted for what seemed for a long time and then Matty blurred out.

“So how long have you been in love with Shawn” Matty asked and you nearly spat your drink out.

“Erm... I not” You nervously laughed. You honestly didn’t. Your crush had been and gone. It died out when you were nearly 17.

You’d had 2 long term boyfriends since then and hadn’t thought about Shawn that way since.

“Well how longs he loved you then? Because he clearly does” Matty stayed taking another drag of his cigarette.

“He definitely doesn’t, not like that anyway. We’re just friends” You say before taking a big gulp of your wine.

“Righttt... So that’s why he hasn’t put you down all night?” Matty chuckles. “And why you have that on?” He reiterated, pointing with his cigarette towards Shawn’s grey blazer.

You shook your head laughing “Definitely not like that”

Matty held his hands up in defence “Hey don’t shoot the messenger. I’m just putting things together”

You heard Gabriella say his name sternly, but you were actually intrigued to hear his bizarre theory. Matty told you that he’d seen how you both interacted.

When you move, he moves and the same goes for you. The way you messed around with each other and Matty had seen Shawn’s face when people had started flirting with you.

“Seems like you’re keeping a close eye on us” You pointed out and Matty let out a laugh.

“You’re a big fan, right?” He asked and you nodded. “So, you’ve heard one hundred and two?”

“Of course,” you said, nodding again.

“Then you know that I liked a friend when I was your age. And don’t get me wrong, I’m happy about how my life turned out now” He said wrapping an arm around Gabby’s waist.

“But at the time I hated myself about not saying anything. If I didn’t have Gabby now, I’d regret it till this day for not telling the girl” Matty told you honestly.

“So just pay a little close attention and you’ll see it” Matty’s said and you nodded.

“Anyway... slighter subject” Ross interrupted and took your attention.

“What’s your favourite song of ours then?” Ross smiled down at you.

“Antichrist” You said without any hesitation.

Ross started laughing and Matty blatantly told you to fuck off. You and Gabby laughed at that and she said a quick goodbye to you as she was going to find someone.

“No if I’m being honest my favourite to dance to is The Sound, my favourite to scream to is Ballard but my favourite to sit down and listen to is Falling For You” You told them both honestly.

Ross nodded seeming to appreciate your opinion. Matty started to chuckle and you looked at him expectantly, waiting for another joke to be thrown your way. The look said, ‘What now?’

“What?” Matty asked. “It’s just poetic, your favourite song is Falling For You and you’re in the exact same situation”

Your drunken mind wanted to hide yourself away and because Ross resided next to you, you thought it would be good to hide into him. You groaned at Matty’s stubbornness and lent into Ross’ chest.

You felt him laugh against you and enclose you in a hug which at this point you really needed. You snaked your arms around Ross’ body and returned the hug.

The last thing you needed was to start rereading into Shawn’s interactions with you. You rarely got to spend enough time with him as it was, the last thing you needed was to overanalyse your actions.

After a few seconds you looked up at Ross and asked, “Can you make him stop please?”

“I could try but I doubt he’d listen” Ross said loosening his grip on you but when you turned back to Matty you both still had an arm around each other.

“Maybe we should just leave him on his own” You suggested. Ross grinned down at you and nodded his head “That sounds very good to me”

“Oh, get a room” Matty scoffed, which caused you and Ross to turn and look at him.

You couldn’t stop smiling when you said “Maybe we will…” You shrugged your shoulders and looked up at Ross who raised his eyebrows suggestively at you. You saw a blush creep up his face as well, probably to match yours.

“As long as you don’t follow us” You continued looking back towards Matty.

After Matty stuck his tongue out at you, you heard your name being called from behind you. You turned your head and saw Shawn walking towards you.

In your drunken state you didn’t see Shawn’s face go from being extremely excited to see you to the smile falling off his face. But Matty did. Matty wasn’t drinking.

He noticed that Shawn had seen you, then noticed that Ross’ arm that was around you. “What you doing out here?” Shawn asked you cheerfully.

“Just redeeming myself from you embarrassing me earlier” You said pushing his shoulder.

“Yeah, I’m just trying to set her up with Ross and it’s going well” Matty laughed.

You rolled your eyes but went along with it. You looked up at Ross and both exchanged a knowing look understanding what Matty was up to.

“They look great together right Shawn?” Matty asked, pointing his cigarette towards you.

You noticed the smile saver on Shawn’s face. “I mean...” Shawn said running a hand threw his hair. “Y-Yeah” Shawn said with a half-smile.

You did notice that Shawn looked uncomfortable with the situation and you saw Matty send you a wide eyed look that screamed ‘Told you so’.

A slightly awkward silence came across your little group which made you down the rest of your wine. “Well I need another drink” You announced.

“Thank you both for keeping me company” You said smiling towards Matty and then Ross.

“Not a problem” Ross said before embracing you in a hug and kissed your cheek before letting you go. You then looked towards Matty who now raised his arms at you.

You grinned at him and gave him a hug. He whispered in your ear “Just think about it” before kissing your cheek then releasing you. You shook your head smiling at him and moved back next to Shawn.

You felt his hand immediately find your hip and he kept his hand resting there. Your blurry mind like the way he held you. It was strong and you felt protected. You needed to stop though you couldn’t let your mind go there again.

Matty had really pulled a number on you. “See you guys in June” You smiled and raised your empty glass at them as a wave goodbye.

“We’ll be sure to do your favourite song for you Y/N” Matty smirked at you taking another drag of his cigarette. You shook your head and tried not to laugh.

“I expect Antichrist as well then” You joked and Matty and Ross started laughing. Matty laughed loud and said “Fuck off”

You and Shawn laughed at that and then Shawn said with a smile “Thanks for keeping her company guys” The other boys waved him off and said it wasn’t a problem

You felt his hand grasp your hip slightly tighter and he looked down at you and said “Lets get you another drink”

Shawn turned the both of you around and you turned your head back to say the final goodbye to the boys. As you waved you noticed that Matty was sarcastically waving but also blowing teasing kisses at both you and Shawn.

Thankfully your best friend hadn’t turned back around like you had so your quickly turned your wave into a middle finger. You saw Ross start laughing as you and Shawn turned the corner and drank the night away.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

After that night everything returned to normal fairly quickly. You went back to your quiet student life in Toronto and got your final year finished up.

Your anxiety went through the roof whilst you were getting everything sorted but you had Shawn to thank for getting you through it. Shawn was on his European tour and you had no idea how he had the time for you, but he made sure he did.

He called you every 24 hours and you seemed to be getting each other through the stressful times in your lives. You and Shawn sort of helped each other out with your anxieties growing up.

You distracted each other and that was best for both of you. You really don’t know how you actually got through the past few years not calling or texting him when you were almost having a panic attack.

Whilst at College the panic attacks happened more frequently and most of the time you felt alone in the world. Sure, you had your friends in your classes, but Shawn was the one that helped with your anxieties. And you helped him though his.

You remembered his first tour. You were calming him down all the time during that. Whether it was sitting on the phone in silence to each other or talking him through it. You were there for each other.

After the after party at the Brits you desperately tried to erase Matty’s words from your mind, but on more than one occasion, you let yourself think about it. You over analysed everything down to the finest detail about the way Shawn said something or whether it had a deeper meaning.

You found that doing that led you to start panicking because you desperately didn’t want to lose your best friend over misreading his behaviour. So, you tried let it go.

If letting it go meant that you thought about it more and more as each day passed, then you’d let it go. It was only on occasion that you panicked over it.

Before you knew it, you were spending your College free days in bed watching Netflix. That was until April 21st when Shawn returned back home. However, the only thing that changed there was that Shawn joined you and you binged watched a few shows with him for the month he was back home.

You both obviously got on like a house on fire. The jokes were endless and so was the fun. Sometimes you caught yourself thinking about if Shawn liked you as more than a friend or not, and you let yourself day dream about it.

Before you knew it though, you found yourself in the same predicament that you were in when you were 16. Your crush on your best friend came back and you hated yourself for it.

You found yourself not wanted to let go of his hand when he held it, or not want to go back to your own apartment when you really had to. At one point you thought he was going to kiss you and you found that you were disappointed when he didn’t.

Thankfully as the days turned into weeks, you found that you were able to distract yourself more by your concert getting closer and closer. You saw online what the concerts looked like and you were so beyond excited.

It looked amazing. The visuals looked outstanding and obviously the live music was awesome. You found that on occasion you forgot that you’d actually met them. Despite your picture together being your home screen.

Before you knew it was the morning of June 3rd and you ran into Shawn’s bedroom and jumped on him. “Get up, get up, get up!”

“It’s Matty fucking Healy day and I’m ready to get fucked up” You said practically shaking Shawn to get up.

Shawn groaned and grabbed a hold of you, rolling you underneath him. You let out a yelp as he did so and you both started laughing.

Shawn hovered over the top of you with a big smile on his face. You couldn’t take the smile off of your face and Shawn seemed to notice.

“I think you’re a little too excited to see them again… They’re not actually going to fuck you, you know?” Shawn said.

“Never say never, Ross seemed keen the last time” You joked, sticking your tongue out at him.

You also raised your eyebrows suggestively trying to get on his nerves. You let out a small laugh when you saw Shawn’s face fall and pull a disgusted face at you. “You know I’m sorta joking” You said with a grin, even though in reality you really wouldn’t say no because you were single and horny as fuck.

“But they are fucking beautiful and I can’t wait for my favourite songs” You said with your grin getting surprisingly bigger.

Shawn furrowed his eyebrows at you and said “You do know I’m a singer too right? I can sing you them songs”

“Oh yeah” You said sarcastically. “You don’t even know my favourite song though”

He pulled a face down at you that essentially said, ‘of course I do you idiot’. You looked at him expectantly and you sat yourself up crossing your arms as you waited for him to start.

The pyjama boy sat to the side of you and you only just now noted how cute he looked. He was wearing red pyjama pants that had a tartan pattern and had a plain white top on. His hair was also everywhere and that somehow made him look even better.

“Well I know when you’re around cause I know the sound, I know the sound of your heart” Shawn sang and filled his room with his amazing voice.

He looked towards you triumphantly, but you shook your head at him and his face fell. “What do you mean that’s not you favourite! We always danced and sang to that one?”

“I mean my favourite deep in my soul” You said resting a hand over your chest and Shawn sat there for a few seconds looking at you in disbelief.

“I can’t believe my best friend doesn’t know my favourite The 1975 song” You said shaking your head and getting up off his bed. You needed to get ready for the day ahead. You needed to look your best.

You knew it was their last stop on their North America tour so if there was any night where you could get Ross’ attention and keep it for the night it would be this one. You needed to look amazing, not that you really thought you had a shot, but it was definitely worth a try.

“Wait, I can get this” Shawn said running a hand through his wavy hair.

“No, you’re a fucking let down, I’m getting ready” You said leaving his room.

A few hours later you were ready and waiting to go. You were freshly showered and shaved, and you had your concert outfit on. It was a warm day, so you decided to go for something slightly extra than what you were used to.

You wore black ripped skinny jeans with black fishnets underneath and you made sure they came above the waistband of your jeans to show off you were wearing them. You wore a sexy black and red bralette and a black mesh top over the top of that, so people knew you weren’t playing. To finish off your look for the day, you wore your black Vans and your camouflage jacket over the top.

Your makeup was fairly simple. You went for a winged eyeliner that made your Y/E/C eyes stand out and applied your favourite matte red lipstick. You decided to straighten your hair in hopes that the heat wouldn’t make you look like a complete mess by the time the concert was finished.

When you’d finished completely you felt pretty for the first time since the Brits and you couldn’t wait to do your pre-concert traditions with Shawn. When you came out of your room you found him on his sofa with his feet resting on his coffee table.

“Y/N I do know what your favourite song is” He said without looking up from his phone.

“Oh yeah?” You said, picking up an apple from the kitchen island and taking a bite. Shawn started singing the chorus to fallingforyou and you smiled at him whilst he sang.

He was so utterly enticed by whatever he was doing on his phone and you were enticed by his amazing voice. He finished the final “I’m fallin’ for you” and looked up at you.

You smiled at him before taking another bite of your apple, but you noticed Shawn’s jaw drop slightly and take in your appearance. Something about Shawn changed quickly when you said “Very good”

It was like he was jolted awake and he stood up in front of you. You’d only just now noticed what he was wearing.

He was wearing his white top that had Heaven written on the front, with his black jeans and his black boots. If you weren’t his best friend, you would have seriously believed that he slept in those boots because he never went out in anything else.

“You look amazing Y/N/N” Shawn smiled at you, you noticed that he looked nervous for some unknown reason, but you dismissed yourself. You really needed to stop reading into things.

He looked stunning to say the least and you noticed the sunglasses that were hooked around the collar of his top. “Thanks, not so bad yourself Mendes” You joked.

“What are those for?” You questioned, walking closer to him and tugging slightly on his shades.

“Ah” Shawn said, and he reached over to the side of the sofa and picked up his black zip up hoodie. You ate your apple as you watched him struggle to put his jacket on and almost poked his eyes out with his glasses.

He threw his hood up and said “What do you think? Think anyone will recognise me?”

“I’d see you coming from a mile away” You laughed. “But that’s because I know you so well, you’ll be fine… If anyone starts just jump over the barrier at the front and someone will save you”

Shawn laughed at that and within the next hour you and Shawn were doing your pre-concert tradition. You found yourself sat in the nearest Five Guys which is just something you both did the last few times you’d been to concerts.

You usually just chilled out in there for hours before the concert started. Not for any reason other than boredom but this time after an hour Shawn cut your visit short.

“Ready to go” Shawn said wiping his face with a napkin then scrunching it up and throwing it at you. He laughed when it hit your unsuspecting face.

“I hate you” You giggled, shaking your head at him. You threw it back at him and laughed more when it bounced off his nose.

“Nah you don’t” Shawn said standing up and putting his hoodie back on.

You stood up as well and started to slip your jacket on. As you did though you heard someone cat call from the table near yours. You’d noticed the guy looking your way a few times whilst he was eating.

He looked about your age, but you found the staring quite creepy. He looked quite cute. Dark curly hair, blue eyes and a very nice jawline, it was almost as good as Shawn’s. He would have been cute if he hadn’t been staring at you.

You rolled your eyes and just pretended that you didn’t hear it and pulled your hair out from underneath your jacket. Thankfully it seemed like Shawn didn’t hear it and he was too focused on making sure he had everything.

“You ready?” Shawn asked from across the table and you smiled nodding at him.

Shawn smiled at your before he turned around and started walking to the door. He knew you were a few paces behind him, and he couldn’t wait to show you your surprise.

As you started walking to follow Shawn, you heard a louder catcall this time and when you just carried on walking until you felt a hand hit your ass.

You practically jumped a foot forward before turning back around to face the fucker who just slapped you. “The fuck do you think you’re doing?” You shouted at the brunette sat down. You saw red and you weren’t going to put up with it.

“Aw come on babe lighten up” The guy said looking up at you as if he was innocent.

You felt heard Shawn walk up behind you and you heard him asked what’s going on. “Oh fuck off” You said to the guy before you turned around and pushed on Shawns chest trying to get some distance between him and the guy.

“He slapped my ass” You murmured to him continuing to move him towards the door. As soon as Shawn heard that though he started pushing against you and said a very loud “What” You desperately tried to calm him down, but he ended up moving the both of you half way back to the guy.

You didn’t want the idiot to ruin your day, you could tell that Shawn was steaming underneath those sunglasses. “Shawn please can we just go” You pleaded to him and he looked down at you and after letting out a deep breath he agreed.

“Awh no the nice view is leaving. Come back honey” The guy yelled at you. You don’t know why he carried on because now there were more people telling him to stop from all around you. Before you even knew what was happening, Shawn had side-stepped you and was shouting at the guy.

“Don’t you fucking dare talk about my girl like that you fucking asshole. You don’t have the right to speak to anyone like that so why don’t you just fuck off back to whatever hole you crawled out of” Shawn shouted at the guy towering over him.

You were pulling on Shawn’s hand begging him to come away from the guy. “Shawn” You said over and over again during his rant. You were grateful he was sticking up for you, but you just wanted to escape with him.

Shawn seemed to realise your hand clasped his because as soon as he was finished with his speech, he marched out of the place with you following along behind him. You both walked towards the side of the building where Shawn continued his rant, but your brain wasn’t processing it properly.

You had never seen him so angry in your entire life. He was practically pulling his hair out in anger and he wouldn’t stop pacing from side to side. Shawn wouldn’t stop ranting at you and you didn’t know how to make him stop.

All you did was repeat “Hey” a few times softly trying to make him calm down and listen to you. That didn’t seem to be working very well and he was still pacing.

You walked up to him and said “Hey” a bit louder. He was still shouting to no one in particular and not paying attention to you, so you ended up grabbing the back of his neck to try and make him look down at you.

“Shawn look at me” You said softly trying to gently pull his head round to look at you. Shawn seemed to calm down after a few seconds and you could slightly see through his shades that you now had his attention.

“Are you okay?” Shawn said sincerely. You could hear the anger in his voice, but you knew it wasn’t directed at you.

“Shawn I’m fine, I promise” You said releasing a breath that you didn’t know you’d been holding.

“I’m sorry that I let that fucker touch you” Shawn said hugging you. You hugged yourself into him and wrapped your arms around his neck considering they were already there.

“It’s not your fault” You murmured against him and you felt him squeeze you tighter. The hug lasted a solid minute and when you slowly released each other you felt the pull between the both of you.

You didn’t know what it was, but it felt like a weird connection and you wanted to kiss him. You looked up to him and cursed his sunglasses.

Usually you could tell what Shawn was thinking when you looked into his eyes. But because of the sunglasses you were stumped.

If he was looking at your lips, then you’d know that he felt it too. Of course, you moved away from him, you didn’t need to read into things today of all days.

Shawn cleared his throat and stuffed his hands in his pockets. Thankfully he looked as if he’d calmed down a lot and ready to get on the move.

“Ready for ice cream Mendes” You said starting to walk down the street.

Shawn walked next to you and nudged your shoulder “Always”. He smiled down at you and continued “We’ll have to take it and go though, I have a surprise”

You turned and gave Shawn a suspicious look. “What?” Shawn said innocently raising his hands.

“It’s all good I promise” Shawn said throwing an arm around your shoulder and you walked to the closest ice cream parlour.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

You’d treated yourself to two ice creams because of the trauma that you and Shawn had just been through. By the time you got to your surprise you were onto your second ice cream.

At this point you were both walking into the arena through a private entrance, so you were pretty certain you knew what your surprise was. You couldn’t stop grinning and Shawn couldn’t stop talking the piss out of you for it.

He knew that since the last time you met them your little crush on Ross had turned into a bigger one. You hadn’t stopped telling Shawn about your flirting with Ross when you got back to the hotel that night in England.

You were so excited to see them all again. You just hoped Matty didn’t bring anything up.

As you were both escorted by a security guard through the building you were trying to remain calm. “Do I look okay?” You asked Shawn, running your free hand through your hair.

“They’re just through there” The guard told you pointing to a doorway that was just down the hall. You hear music being played and you could hear that it was There’s a Honey by Pale Waves. You assumed that they were doing their sound check.

As you both carried on walking Shawn told you “You look perfect” You smiled up at him and before you knew it you were bombarded with cheers as you walked through the doorway.

You and Shawn walked into the arena and the band who were sat on the ground immediately got up to greet you. Matty went to Shawn first and they did that bro hug that always made you want to laugh.

You could just about hear Matty thanking him for the ‘iconic underpants’ he sent him with the promotional gift for the release of ‘If I Can’t Have You’. You loved yours when it arrived and played it on repeat for days.

“Hey” Ross said, distracting you.You repeated it back to him, almost like you were surprised to see him. You gave him a one-armed hug because you didn’t want to get ice cream all over him.

“Lovely to see you” You grinned at him. You hugged Adam who now stood next to Ross but as you did so Ross took your ice cream out of your hand.

“You can have it if you want” You told him, and his face lit up before he started eating it.

“You don’t look very vanilla” Ross said looking up and down at your attire.

“Never vanilla for you Ross” You grinned and moved on to quickly hug George.

You eventually got around to Matty and he looked at you for a moment before hugging you. “You look amazing again, trying to impress someone?” Matty said over the music.

You couldn’t help but let out a giggle and say “Yeah… but not who you’re thinking of” You let your eyes wonder over Matty’s shoulder until your eyes met Ross’.

You smiled brightly at him and then looked back towards Matty who’s eyes were now wide with amusement. You grinned and brushed past him and went over to talk to Ross again.

After a moment you were all grouped together again and were chatting away. “I can’t believe you all let us both come this early” You said to them.

“Well I thought we could get drinks with them first” Shawn told you hugging you from behind wrapping his arms around your neck.

You craned your head up to try and look at him and said “Well aren’t you a cutie”

Shawn laughed down at you and released you. “What do you wanna drink, I’ll go grab it?”

“Surprise me” You smiled at him and watched as he walked off towards the bar.

When you looked back towards the group you noticed that Matty was looking at you with amusement on his face. You shook your head and walked towards him.

“I actually hate you for what you said that day” You told him trying not to smile.

You were failing miserably though because Matty’s grin was getting bigger and bigger. “You like him, don’t you?” Matty asked excitedly.

“Shut the fuck up” You hushed him. “Oh my god you do!” Matty practically yelled and you were so thankful the music had just started up again.

“Yeah now I need to get over that, thanks to you” You said shaking your head, but almost laughing.

“Oh my, that’s why trying to get onto Ross” Matty said running a hand through his curly hair. “Mate, how can you not see that your man right there is in love with you”

“You’re deluded” You laughed. Shawn came back over with your favourite drink a few minutes later and you smiled up at him “You know me so well”

Before you knew it, it was almost time for them to leave you as the gates were being opened for the public shortly. You’d just said bye to Matty, and you noticed that he had pulled Shawn away to the side.

You tried to hear what he was saying to him, but he was too far away, and the other boys now had most of your attention. All you saw was Shawn looking round at you from time to time and you sent a big smile his way. He returned it but you couldn’t make out what he was saying. Your lip-reading skills were poor.

You said goodbye to them all and you walked over to Shawn and said, “Everything okay?”

“Yeah” Shawn said and you both started walking back over to the bar. You ordered you and Shawn another drink and then made your way over to the very front of the stage.

After taking a sip of your drink you realised that without any prompt you and Shawn were stood in your usual concert position with him behind you, despite no one else yet being around. You turned around and lent against the barrier so you could chat to Shawn.

He looked down at you and smiled and you grinned up at him, very excited for the concert. You had waited so long for it that you couldn’t wait, you were so thankful that Shawn had rearranged his tour dates so you could both be here right now.

“Are you prepared to be bombarded with people running to get to the front?” You asked smiling.

Shawn shook his head looking around the arena area, “Nah, but it should be fun”

“Of course it will, just protect me” You joke “And don’t let me get crushed against this barrier please” You smile before taking another drink.

Shawn lent forward and clasped the barrier either side of you “I’ll keep you boxed in like this then” Shawn laughed which caused you to join in.

A second later you both heard commotion coming from the entrance and you and Shawn shared a look that said ‘Here we go’.

“Better get these back on” You said taking his sunglasses off the collar of his shirt. He smiled as you put them on for him and you both laughed when you almost poked his eye out.

You turned back around, and you patiently waited for your favourite band to come back into view.

You and Shawn had a good time listening to No Rome and Pale Waves when they came on and Shawn kept on pointing things out that impressed him.

Once Pale Waves went off through you knew it wouldn’t be long until the concert started. Daylight was fading fast and there was a faint breeze that swirled among the tightly packed people around you.

You’d taken your jacket off and tied it round your waist because you knew that soon enough, you’d be jumping around. Shawn could feel you buzzing with energy, he’d didn’t remember the last time he saw you this excited and he liked that this evening the smile had never left your face.

“Shawn if they do my favourite you can’t laugh at me if I cry” You tell him. Shawn laughs and wraps his arms around your shoulders again trapping you in a hug.

“No promises” Shawn said, and you couldn’t help but laugh.

Within the next hour The 1975 had come on and you were having the time of your life. You hadn’t stopped screaming along to their songs and you were dancing along to the bops that they were playing.

Soon enough the boys seemed like they needed a bit of a break so Matty was keeping the crowd entertained with his witty humour. Matty was pacing from one side of the stage to the other and the crowd was screaming up at him around him. He was chatting about what the tour had been like and you happily listened along.

It was quite interesting to get another artists view of their tour because you only ever heard Shawn’s stories. As much as you loved those stories, you were in need of some diversity.

After a minute or two music started playing out of the speakers again but low enough for Matty to keep chatting away. “Right now everyone” Matty announced before clearing his throat.

“This next one is for a friend of ours… I’ve been assured that this is her favourite” Matty told everyone still travelling from one side of the stage to another.

The crowd cheered along, and Shawn lent down and said into your ear “Don’t cry on me now”

You turned your head to look up at him and smiled “No promises” He smiled down at you and you turned back around as Matty continued on to say “See she can relate to this song very personally and she’ll hate me for telling you all that but ohh wellllll”

The crowd around you screamed along but you were frozen still. Partly from what Matty just said but also due to the fact that you were finally going to see it live after listening to it for years.

The song started playing properly and Matty quickly said “Enjoy Y/N” and the crowd around you erupted.

Matty walked towards the middle of the stage in front of you and winked down at you. You smiled back up and softly sang the opening lyric “What time you comin’ out”

As the song continued to play you found yourself leaning back against Shawn as you did with most slow songs that had been played tonight. Your heart was beating rapidly from the adrenaline in the system and you were softly singing along with your favourite song.

You could hear Shawn’s voice behind you singing the lyrics beautifully like always. You loved listening to him sing, whether it was his songs or someone else. You were beyond grateful you were his friend and could listen to him sing anything you wanted. All you had to do was ask.

You were preparing yourself for your favourite part of the song and couldn’t wait to finally hear it live. You had already told yourself you wouldn’t sing it as you wanted the full experience to live in the moment of the song and just enjoy it.

As you swayed along to the music you felt Shawn’s hands rest on your hips which you didn’t mind about. You let yourself enjoy the feeling of him being pressed against you and you lent on him more.

As your favourite lyric was about to come out of Matty’s mouth, you felt a different mouth lightly kiss your neck. At first you felt yourself panic slightly not knowing if Shawn had done that purposefully or not. But with you felt another kiss you let yourself go.

“I don’t wanna be your friend. I wanna kiss your neck” Matty sang loudly. 

You tilted your head to the side and closed your eyes as Shawn kissed your neck again but this time it was with more pressure like he wasn’t afraid to do it anymore. The first were testers but this was the real deal.

He started sucking on your neck and you couldn’t help but tilt your head back and rest it against his shoulder. You were in heaven. You brought your hand up and interlaced your fingers in the back of Shawn’s hair and pulled him closer so he couldn’t go anywhere.

Shawn started trailing kisses further up your neck up until his lips left your skin and you were both looking at each other. Shawn’s glasses had fallen down his nose and you could see his eyes. You could see the vulnerability in them but also a hint of hope.

He was searching yours and all he could think of was how beautiful they looked. You looked down towards his lip that had just graced your neck and you were hungry for them to be attached to yours.

After looking at his plump lips for a second to long you looked back up to his eyes and just thought ‘fuck it’. You lent towards them and attached your lips to his as Matty sang out the final “I think I’m falling, I’m falling for you”

Shawn reacted immediately and kissed you back with just a bit more force than you were giving, and you loved it. You turned around whilst still kissing him and wrapped your arms around his neck.

Shawn wrapped his arms around your back, so you were pressed against him completely. You could hear the crowd cheering around you as the song ended but your attention was on Shawn’s movements.

You’re surprised that it didn’t feel weird, you were sharing the best kiss of your life with your best friend. It was exhilarating and the best experience of your life. You’d dreamed of this moment when you were a teenager and over the past month and it was better than you could have ever imagined.

Shawn must have felt you smiling into the kiss because a second later his tongue ran over your bottom lip. You let out a little laugh before opening you mouth wider and the next thing you knew Shawn’s tongue was in your mouth.

You heard the crowd quiet down slightly but that didn’t stop you. The next thing you heard though was Matty’s voice over the speakers and it boomed “Oh wow, ohh wow”

“Y/N, love, you better thank me later” Matty yelled and the crowd burst into cheers again despite having no idea that he was speaking about you. You and Shawn parted and started laughing obviously hearing what Matty had said.

You pecked his lips once more before you attempted to turn around, but Shawn pecked your lips a few more times before he let you. When you did though you found that Matty was on the stage directly in front of you.

He looked down at you and you laughed up at him. He cockily asked down at you “Did you enjoy that?”

The crowd screamed around you thinking the question was directed at everyone, but you knew it was just for you two. You eagerly nodded up at him and he winked down at you, he turned towards the back of the stage and said “George you owe me twenty quid… Thanks Y/N”

You couldn’t help but let out a laugh and Shawn did the same. His laugh rang down your ear up and you turned your head to look at him again and he wrapped his arm around your waist so he was hugging you from behind. You rested your hands on top of his and smiled as he lent down to peck your lips again.

“Let’s give the love birds out there another song to get off to” Matty said as Medicine started to play.

You and Shawn started swaying to the music gently and you couldn’t take the smile off your face. You felt Shawn lean down and say in your ear “If you haven’t guessed I like you”

You laughed and looked round at him. You put your hand to the back of his neck to try and bring him closer to you so he’ll hear you say “I like you too, a lot”

When you moved away Shawn had a massive smile on his face, and you couldn’t help but laugh at it. “Yeah?” He questioned you and you nodded up at him, biting your lip.

Shawn let out a chuckled and leaned down and kiss your lips a few more times. Each time you responded more eagerly and before you knew it you were making out with him again as if an hour ago you were just best friends and you weren’t currently surrounded by thousands of people.

Shawn chuckled pulling away and said “I think I like you a bit more than I let on. Y/N I wanna date you and I know that we’re meant to be best friends but I can’t stop thinking about you and I ca...”

You cut him off. You knew when he was over thinking and at this moment in time you didn’t want to over think what you were. Your lips on his distracted you both and you were only distracted by the screams intensifying around you.

You pulled away when you couldn’t hear music playing anymore and when you turned around Matty was at the barrier directly in front of you with everyone else trying to grab at him but you.

You and Shawn started laughing seeing Matty in front of you like that. He looked bored as if he was waiting for you to stop which made you laugh more.

“Are you two done now?” Matty asked and the crowd around you laughed. You bit your lip and nodded.

“You two dating now?” Matty asked and you looked up towards Shawn for the briefest moment and smiled before nodding back at Matty.

He had a big smile on his face when you said “Yeah”, and the crowds screamed when he said a little “Yay” into the microphone.

“Okay love birds, the concerts going back in full swing now so put each other down and enjoy” Matty said before ruffling your hair and then running back on stage.

Love Me started to blare out of the speakers and you went wild again. You and Shawn sang and danced the rest of the night away.

After that day you found yourself the happiest you had ever been. You and Shawn were extremely happy. After the concert you’d both gone home to Shawn’s house and you told Karen as she was still awake.

She caught you both as you walked in kissing, than you both telling her. She was shocked to see it at first, but the smile quickly grew on her face and she was overjoyed for you both.

By the time The 1975 next toured in Toronto it was 3 years later and you and Shawn were still happily together. You’d moved into his apartment and made it cosy whilst he was away.

You travelled around the world with him and supported him when he needed it. You’d never tire of cheering your boyfriend on and singing his songs. You loved him with the whole of your heart, and he loved you just the same.

You’d met up with the band again before their concert and you all had a quick meal together. You’d gone easy on the drinks this time and enjoyed your time with them. You’d met a lot of people from being friends with Shawn, but these guys were by far your favourite.

They were just too nice and seemed like they didn’t have a care in the world apart from their music. You loved that and you knew Shawn did too. Matty promised you that he would sing your favourite song again and he didn’t disappoint.

You were at the front of the crowd again in the perfect spot. You’d lent yourself back against Shawn and happily let Matty sing you the song.

You watched as Matty walked in front of you and he smiled down at the both of you. He nodded his head in recognition down at you and you just smiled back up.

A second later Shawn has twisted you around in his arms and kissed you quickly. He tasted of the mint ice-cream that you’d eaten earlier, and you were in your own personalised heaven.

You smiled into the kiss and you don’t think that you could ever be happier than you were right now. But you were mistaken.

A moment later Shawn was on one knee looking up at you and you were shell shocked. You stared at him with a hand over your mouth looking down at the diamond ring he was holding.

You heard people around you gasping and lights from their phones shining on your faces but in that moment,  you couldn’t bring yourself to care. Shawn mouthed ‘Marry me’ up at you and you nodded closing your eyes and letting stray tears fall.

You looked up at him through blurry eyes and kissed him once he’d slid the ring on your finger. You noticed as he took his sunglasses off his face and quickly lent down to kiss you that his eyes were also watery.

When his lips touched yours again, you were in pure bliss. You didn’t hear the screams around you or Matty finishing the song behind you. When you pulled away you were both pulled through the barrier that separated the crowd from the stage before the crowd could pounce on Shawn.

When you got through the barrier through you jumped up on Shawn and kissed him again. His hands under your thighs to keep you up and your arms and legs wrapped around his body to keep yourself up.

After you kissed him like that for a good few seconds you pulled away and shouted “I love you so much” so he could hear you.

Shawn laughed and put you back on the ground. He wiped the stray tear that fell and said, “I love you too darling” and pecked your lips again before looking up at the stage.

You turned your attention to the stage as well and saw Matty standing just above you. He had a huge smile on his face, and he got down on his knees and said “Congratulations you guys” into the microphone.

The crowd went mental and you could hear people screaming for Shawn and Matty. You laughed at the bizarreness of it, but you loved it non the less. This was literally your teenage dream come true.

You hugged Shawn and lent into his chest as you looked up to Matty and shouted a “Thank you” up at him. Matty revved up the crowd to cheer for the both of you and you just hugged Shawn closer to you, not being used to having this sort of attention.

Shawn lent down and pecked your lips once more and you were so thankful that you could now spend the rest of your life with your best friend. After the crowd settled down to something Matty could again work with, he got up after giving both you and Shawn a high five.

As he went back business and the beginning of the next song started playing you looked to Shawn again and repeated how much you loved him. Shawn did the same back to you and you lent on his chest hugging him to you as you took in the music.

You were content and now you had never been happier in your entire life. There was only happiness to come in the both of your lives from that moment on and you couldn’t wait to see how the rest of your lives played out together.

Before Matty started singing, he quickly shouted back over to the both of you “I better be invited to the fucking wedding Mendes!”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Taglist: @lololovestaylor @the-girl-before @cynicallystiles @lady-grinningsoul 

Let me know if you have any requests x

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes x reader #matty healy #matty healy x reader #shawn #mendes #shawn mendes one shot #Shawn Mendes Imagine #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes x you #shawn mendes x y/n #matty the 1975 #matty healy fanfic #matty healy imagine #the 1975 #the 1975 imagine #Ross Macdonald #george daniel #Adam Hann #the 1975 blurb

[moodyglitchmoon]

Me and Canada as genshin characters 😳

#aph canada #aph Moody #hws canada #hws Moody #yes i just put myself in the hetalia fandom #moody x canada #canamood #crossover #genshin impact characters #genshin impact

[lawlerek]

Pillow fort

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Barton!Reader

Word count: 2.1k

Summary: Laura Barton is pregnant with her third child, so you decide to help her with Lila and Cooper. Clint returns home with Natasha – your girlfriend. You and Nat want to have a sleepover in the pillow fort.

Warnings: None, I think?

A/N: Gif’s not mine.

It's a continuation of the being Clint’s younger sister and dating Natasha Romanoff headcanons.

Enjoy! ♥

Only weeks had separated Laura from giving birth. Throughout the whole pregnancy you admired her how well she managed in her delicate state with home and children, but finally came the moment when her belly became too large to move and function freely, let alone look after the two craving attention children. And as soon as she realized that, she stopped refusing your help, so you came back to your old room in house she shared with Clint.

As with the other two pregnancies, you took on most of the housekeeper's responsibilities, allowing your sister-in-law to take her well-deserved rest, but that didn’t bother you. You helped Laura clean up, cook, deal with Lila and Cooper, go shopping, and you accompany your sister-in-law during medical visits. Of course, when Clint was on missions, which, unfortunately, very often happened to him.

Sometimes you talked with Laura about your brother's work. You both wondered if it would be better for the family if Clint had given up the Avengers and retired. After all, none of you knew what Clint's mission would turn out to be his last. You didn’t want your beloved elder brother to leave behind not only you – the only family member who remained of him from childhood, but also a wife and (soon-to-be) three children. Apart from the fact that Clint rarely went home, so Lila and Cooper really barely knew him. Sometimes you hinted at your brother, but you left the real conversation to Laura. After all, she was the wife and housekeeper of this house and it was her burden that rested on her shoulders. She had the best chance to convince her husband to retire.

That day Laura felt worse than usual. She was sore and extremely tired, so early in the morning when you discovered her condition, you ordered her to lie in bed and rest. You wisely contacted the doctor and you took care of her the best you could: you took care of her comfort, brought her meals and water, but you also had to reconcile with Lila and Cooper, so you left in Laura's bedroom an electric nanny in case she needs your help with anything.

After lunch Laura fell asleep, you cleaned up the house and supervised the children who were doing their homework, sometimes helping them when they couldn’t cope with something. But as soon as you all finished, Lila and Cooper wanted to have fun outside. You didn’t want to let them go alone and you couldn’t go with them, so that the electronic nanny wouldn’t lose the range. On the other hand, having fun at home could wake up Laura, and you didn’t want that either.

It was not until you started to stare at Cooper wrapped with the blanket while the boy pulled you by the sleeve of your sweater and said something you no longer heard in your thoughts. But it gave you an idea of ​​how you could spend the rest of the day.

You grinned and kneeled on one knee, grabbing Cooper's hand. You invited Lila to came closer.

”I have an idea” you said. ”From now we're a secret agents in a foreign country...”

”Are we Avengers?” Cooper asked cheerfully.

You nodded.

”We can be, if you want.”

”So are we on a mission? Like dad?” Lila picked up enthusiastically.

”Yes. Unfortunately, something went wrong,” you continued. ”We have been left alone and we must survive in a wild…”

”Africa!" said Lila.

”Canada!” Cooper shouted at the same moment.

You laughed.

”And why in Canada?” you asked still laughing. Cooper just shrugged and you shook your head. ”Maybe on an island inhabited by...”

”UFO!” Cooper interjected again.

You looked at Lila questioningly and when she agreed to the aliens, you went back to explaining your plan.

”We must get food and find shelter. And also come up with a way to get back home. But in a way that no strangers catch us. Got it?”

The kids nodded eagerly, so you separated the tasks. As Lila was the older, you sent her to check if the „alien” (in fact Laura) was still asleep. Then you delegated the siblings to get all the blankets and pillows they can find, of course not disturbing the alien. You, however, took on the mission of finding food.

When Lila and Cooper returned, the three of you built a fort from pillows and blankets. You had flashlights and colored battery lights that Lila took from her room. You drank water and sometimes juice (when one of you took part in a heroic expedition and stole this sweet drink from hands of the giants). You really didn’t know when your game was no longer about hiding from aliens. After some time, it turned into an attempt to save the princess from the hands of a bloodthirsty dragon (when Laura woke up in the evening already in better shape, but still very tired), then in an epic battle with the forces of darkness and many more.

At ten in the evening you checked your sister-in-law, took an empty plate and brought her a pot of fresh water. It was only then that you realized how late it was, so you came back to the children. You wanted to slowly end the game so that you all could clean up and lie down, but you knew that neither Lila nor Cooper would respond positively.

"I found the Source of Eternal Youth," you said in a whisper, as if you didn’t want someone to hear you. "Unfortunately, there is a condition to be able to use it. Brave heroes must first bathe in it and then undergo a sleep trial.”

"A sleep trial? And what is that? " Cooper asked, puzzled, sitting closer to you. He also didn’t dare to speak out loud.

"The Source must know that you are worthy, so it will sends you a dream. Then you will have to pass the test. Unfortunately, no one knows what it is. Everyone undergoes a different sleep trial. "

Lila cocked her head.

"I don’t want to pass it, auntie," she said in a slightly moody voice. "I would like to stay here a little longer.”

You smiled at the girl and stroked her head. You were about to explain that she should take the opportunity, because the Source is only available during the full moon (outside the moon took the shape of a barely visible crescent, but you didn’t want to say anything) when you heard the familiar whirr of propellers. You exchanged a surprised look with children while you listened for a long while.

"Auntie!” Lila shouted happily. "This is support! They will take us from this island!"

"Or is it an enemy that wants to kidnap us,” Cooper said in a serious voice.

"We have to check that!” You said.

You took your weapon (toy bow, a pair of foam swords, a plastic police stick and a gun), then quietly left your hiding place and headed towards the window. The light of the helicopter shone brightly, whose loud hum was still spreading around the area. You saw two dark silhouettes that leaned toward the house and your heart beat faster with joy and excitement. The helicopter re-launched itself into the air again.

When you heard footsteps on the porch, you all hid behind the couch and chairs to have a view of the front door and the people who were going through it. The house was dark, because the decorative Lila’s lamps didn’t give much light.

"I asked him not to come so close.” You heard your brother's voice. "He probably woke everyone up.”

"At least we're gonna have a funny greeting," Natasha said cheerfully. At the sound of her voice you smiled broadly. You wanted to give up your position and be in your girlfriend's arms as soon as possible. You had last seen her a month ago when the world was going to be destroyed and she had to stop it together with the rest of the Avengers.

Clint snorted. You heard him pick up the key hidden under the flowerpot. You and the children didn’t move until the door opened and two dark figures entered. At one moment, the sucker shots fired at the intruders and then you, Lila and Cooper jumped out with the battle cries and began to wrap the visitors with foam swords.

"I give up! Give up!” Clint exclaimed, startled as the two children hung on his neck.

However, you didn’t pay attention to the welcome of your brother with his children, because you were busy checking to see if Natasha would be Natasha, not the bloodthirsty alien.

"As I said: a funny greeting,” redhead summed up, knocking a gladiolus from you and pulling you to her.

You laughed, hugging the woman and then you put a quick kiss on her lips, even though you wanted more. Much more than she could offer you at this moment.

Then Clint turned on the light and to your ears came his astonished voice:

"And what is that, in the name of all saints?”

Somehow your brother managed to get his kids to bathe and then to bed. At the time, you stayed down to clean up the mess you, Lila and Cooper had done and Nat offered you her help. You were good girls when you gathered scattered toys and leftovers, even though you both wanted to get into your arms with the second you were left alone in the living room. Your whole body was demanding her attention, you were thirsty for her voice (despide the fact that you talked on the phone as often as you could – it was still not enough), her mouth and touch. You wanted to inhale her scent and cuddle in her soft body.

That's why you wanted to clean up as soon as possible – to be able to go upstairs to your room that you shared with Nat.

"That's funny," Natasha said. You got up from your knees with a bowl of pretzels in your hands and looked at your girlfriend.

"What?”

Redhead nodded at the fort. She was about to take off the blankets slung over the strings, but she stopped, stroking the cover with dreamy eyes.

"This. Your hideout. I've never had fun like that,” she said coldly and your heart squeezed with grief.

Natasha was a very secretive person. She didn’t like telling about her past, but when she did, it was in a very cold and calculated way, almost impersonal, as if the events she described didn’t concern her. That's why you rarely thought about her childhood. You couldn’t imagine that things that you possessed and seemed normal to you (and yet your childhood didn’t belong to particularly successful ones), they were never like to Nat. It broke your heart.

You glanced at the fort and the words left your lips faster than you could think about them:

"Do you want to sleep here today? It will be fun," you added, trying to be cheerful.

"Don’t you think we're too old for such things, Miss Barton?” Natasha asked, amused.

You hit the woman lightly with your hip.

"I don’t know about you, but I still feel a child inside, Miss Romanoff.”

Natasha gave you a smile so warm it could melt the iceberg.

"I think me too," she replied, smacking you on the cheek.

When Clint went down to the living room to help you clean up, he had little to talk about the fort. He was really grateful he didn’t have to help, so he only thanked you for looking after the children and Laura, wished you two good night and went back upstairs to lie down beside his wife. You and Natasha cleaned up all the toys and crumbs and then you settled comfortably on a pile of blankets.

Redhead turned off the flashlight, but left the colored lights on, which Lila brought. She turned to you and put a hand on your hip. You felt shivers when the woman slipped her fingers under your blouse and began to sketch circles on your skin.

"Are you tired?” you asked, seeing the bags under her eyes. You touched her face and then Nat smiled and kissed your hand.

"It was worse," she answered with a mysterious smirk on her lips. "And I still have plans for this night.”

"Oh?”

Natasha made a humming sound as she came a little closer and her lips touched your forehead. The woman's fingers stopped drawing circles on your hip and instead Natasha slowly put her hand in your pants. You approached your girlfriend and clutched her forearm while Natasha worked magic with her fingers.

"I really missed you," she whispered in your ear.

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff fic #natasha romanoff imagine #Black Widow #black widow fanfiction #black widow fic #black widow x reader #MCU #MCU fanfiction #mcu imagine #mcu x reader #marvel #marvel fic #marvel fanfiction #marvel imagine #clint barton x reader #clint barton x sister!reader #Avengers #avengers fic #avengers fanfic #avengers fanfiction #hawkeye x reader #hawkeye x sister!reader #natasha romanoff x you #clint barton x you

[whatsonmedia]

Biggest Gigs and Concerts of this Month!

Our favorite musicians, including Red Hot Chili Peppers, Smashing Pumpkins, and the Weekend, is ready, willing, and able to rock our collective socks off. Some artists are making up for canceled shows from the previous two years, established stars are hitting the road once more, and new acts are making their debuts. Here is a list of all the concerts and music festivals that are going to be held WhatsOn editorial make it for you should be aware of in 2022. Lil Nas X Tour: Montero Tour Dates: 18 - 19 October – In YouTube Theater, Inglewood, CA at 8:00 PM 21 October - Arizona Financial Theatre, Phoenix, AZ at 8:00 PM 23 October - Bill Graham Civic Auditorium, 99 Grove Street, San Francisco, CA 94102, at 8:00 PM For tickets and more check out> https://www.ticketmaster.com/ Gorillaz Tour: North American 2022 Tour Dates: 19 October - AMERIS BANK AMPHITHEATRE, ALPHARETTA, GA, US 21 October - AMWAY CENTER, ORLANDO, FL, US 23 October – FTX ARENA, MIAMI, FL, US For tickets and more check out> https://www.songkick.com/ Lizzo Tour: The Special Tour Opening act: Latto Dates: OCT 18 - Gainbridge Fieldhouse, INDIANAPOLIS, IN OCT 20 - Spectrum Center, CHARLOTTE, NC OCT 22 - State Farm Arena, ATLANTA, GA OCT 23 - Bridgestone Arena, NASHVILLE, TN OCT 25 - Moody Center, AUSTIN, TX OCT 26 - Toyota Center, HOUSTON, TX OCT 28 - American Airlines Center, DALLAS, TX OCT 31 - Ball Arena, DENVER, CO For tickets and more check out> https://www.lizzomusic.com/ Smashing Pumpkins Tour: Spirits on Fire Arena Tour Special guest: Jane's Addiction Opening acts: Poppy, Meg Myers Dates: OCT 18 - Capital One Arena, 601 F Street NW, Washington, DC 20004 OCT 19 - Madison Square Garden, 4 Pennsylvania, New York, NY 10001 OCT 21 - Wells Fargo Center, 3601 S Broad St, Philadelphia, PA 19148 OCT 22 - PPG Paints Arena, 1001 Fifth Avenue, Pittsburgh, PA 15219 OCT 24 - Scotiabank Arena, 40 Bay Street, Toronto, Canada OCT 26 - Bell Centre, 1909 Avenue des Canadians-de-Montréal, Montreal, Canada OCT 27 - Quebec City, Canada, Centre Vidéotron OCT 29 - Cleveland, OH, Rocket Mortgage FieldHouse OCT 30 – Milwaukee, WI, Fiserv Forum For tickets and more check out> https://smashingpumpkins.com/ Jessie Reyez Tour: The Yessie Tour Dates: Oct 18 - Austin, tx, use, Emos Austin OCT 19 - Dallas, tx, USA, House Of Blues Dallas OCT 20 – San Antonio, tx, USA, Aztec Theatre OCT 23 - phoenix, AZ USA, The Van Buren For tickets and more check out> https://jessiereyezofficial.com/tour Read the full article

[artificialqueens]

Elastic Heart - Part 3 (Branjie) - Mia Ugly

A/N: Soooo this chapter took a turn for the sad-bastardish, but I swear there will be less moodiness and more kissing in the future. Also I’m trying to use she/her pronouns in Drag Race, and he/him out of drag, but sometimes it all goes to hell, bear with me! Thanks to everyone who’s been so sweet about this fic so far.

Social media -

Is not Brock’s strength area. 

Detox used to hassle him about it before he even went on Drag Race, and he made a promise to himself that he would do a better job after.  Tell the world when he - ate a bowl of cereal or whatever. 

Post photos of his cats at the very least.

So when his manager comes to him with the expectation that he and Jose play up their relationship for the fans, Brock says: (nonononononononononono)

He says “fine.”

Jose’s in, apparently, and - well, Brock can only take that information second-hand because the two of them haven’t really.  Spoken. Recently. 

He says “fine” and then he goes on Jose’s Instagram and almost has a panic attack (because some people are so pretty it is unfair, some people are basically built to break your heart - from atoms to molecules to cells.

Jose in sweats and snapbacks. 

Vanessa in gloss and feathers. 

Each one feels like a hand around Brock’s throat.)

So. 

After about thirty minutes in the fetal position, Brock leaves it all in his manager’s hands (or whoever his manager is paying for social media these days.)  Someone adds flirty comments and cute photos to anything Jose posts, someone keeps the fans happy.  

Brock doesn’t need to see it.

It’s too soon (too much, too real) for him.

He tries to avoid Instagram; Twitter is about all he can handle (he knows his mom follows him and he doesn’t want to make her worry.)  He doesn’t read  any of the speculative articles about their relationship, but he is always extremely polite when he’s asked about it (just flirty enough to give the fans hope. Professional, friendly, not too fond. It’s a fine line, and he worries sometimes that his feelings rise a bit close to the surface.  That the people who know him best are going to watch one of these interviews, peer through the ice at his blue skin and see everything.)

Friends keep texting him.  Leaving him voicemails, asking him how he’s doing.  Brock ignores the ones he can, and responds whenever anyone seems a bit too concerned. Gotta make sure the outside world stays outside.

Clearly it’s all going to come out by the time the finale airs, and that’s just something Brock will have to be ready for.  Maybe he can do a European tour.  Or an Antarctic one.  They don’t have internet there, do they?

He’s wonderful, I love him, he says on ET Canada as if that doesn’t mean anything, as if it isn’t the first time he’s said ‘I love him’ out loud.

Brock keeps working (because he’s still a force of nature, even without a crown.)  He does shows across the mid-West, hosts club nights, dances the house down because he is a queen, damn it. He goes on tour with the First Wives Fight Club, let’s Ginger Minj distract him with the most offensive jokes Brock’s ever heard (and it’s good to feel outrage rather than longing, for a change. It’s good to do something different, something that’s not related to Drag Race and soft-skinned Puerto Ricans who won’t answer his calls.)

Or probably won’t.

Because Brock hasn’t called.  

It’s shady and pathetic and each day feels like pulling teeth out, but he’s trying to respect the boundaries Jose put up. They said their piece at the reunion before Brock died of blunt force trauma to the chest (it’s fine, he’s fine) and he’s not the kind of person to push someone to take him back.  

To beg someone to want him. 

He can’t say if it’s pride or fear that stops him every time he gets shit-faced and picks up his phone.  He can’t count the number of texts he’s written and then deleted.  And then re-written.

The night after the First Wives show in Vancouver, the other queens go out to whatever local club hasn’t been closed yet, and Brock goes for a run on the beach. It’s dark out, and after a couple of miles he stops, stretches, and sits cross-legged in the sand.  

The ocean reaches out for him, black-fingered and impetuous, dotted with the twinkling lights of oil tankers. 

Brock hasn’t had anything to drink.  There’s really no excuse when he takes his phone out of his pocket, scrolls to Jose’s number.

His thumb hovers over the keys, thinking thinking (over-thinking).

(I’m on the West coast and I’m miserable without you and I want to hear you laugh again even if it’s at me even if it’s mean I want to hear your voice and you killed it on Jimmy Kimmel and I’m losing my mind I think you’re incredible I think you’re hilarious and brilliant and I miss you I miss youImiss -)

“Damn it,” Brock hisses, because he’s smarter than this. He’s stronger than this (he wants that to be true.)

“I’ll be at Drag Con,” he texts before he can think too much about it. “Hope i see u.”

He waits.  He’ll probably delete it without sending.  He should delete it without sending because Jose doesn’t want to talk to him.

His thumb sits on the ‘Send’ key, barely touching it.  It’s such a pointless, empty message.  It doesn’t say any of the things he wants to say. 

This was easy once.  Talking to Jose was like breathing. What the fuck happened? (He knows what happened, and he resists the urge to throw his phone into the sea.)

After a few seconds, Brock deletes the message and puts his phone down. 

Then he picks it back up.

He bites the inside of his cheek, a habit he mostly gave up in middle school.

This was easy once. 

(“When this is all over –“

“Oh Jesus, oh Mary, there she goes.” Vanjie at her station, rummaging through yards of tulle. “You wanna shack up or something? Get cats, turn me into a proper wifey?”

“Well.  I was thinking more like buy you dinner.”  Brooke doesn’t touch her, because the world is watching. Still - her eyes linger on the bones of Vanjie’s hands, her wrists, her jaw.  There is not a part of her body that doesn’t beg for contact, not a part of her that Brooke doesn’t want to touch.

“Ha, okay. But I’m a classy ho.  It’s gotta be Olive Garden at least, get me some unlimited breadsticks.”  

There’s a faint blush on her cheekbones even though she’s rolling her eyes, and it makes Brooke love her even more than –

Shit.

Shit.

She did not just think that word.  

They aren’t - there yet.  Brooke’s tired and stressed and her brain is clearly short-circuiting. It’s nothing.  It’s fine.

“That shut you up, hey? Olive Garden too bougie for you? Don’t worry, girl– when this is all over and I’m a honey-thousand dollars richer, I’ll take you anywhere you want.”)

He should have known then.

Stopped it all in its tracks before it got totally out of control. But he didn’t.

Brock lies back against the sand, breathes in the copper-sweet taste of the ocean.  

(That’s a star, right?) 

The waves roll in, and he can almost see stars.

* * *

Back in her hotel room, she’s running over choreography for Tuckpantistan in her head, counting under her breath (one and two and three and -) when a noise distracts her.  

A papery scratching at her hotel-room door.  When Brooke goes to investigate, she sees a folded note that’s been slid underneath it.

U up?

Then below it: Haha, JK. Got a PA to deliver this, some real high school shit. Thinking bout your pretty face. <3 <3 <3

It’s signed Papi and Brooke turns rose-petal pink with embarrassment and pleasure.  Fuck, she wishes she had her phone. Wishes she could FaceTime Vanjie any time she wanted, see her all bleary-eyed and soft and sleepy.  Just the thought of that image makes Brooke’s heart clench painfully, and she tries not to think about why.

Instead she takes out the notepad from the desk in the hotel room.

How do I know this is really you and not just a producer fucking with me?

She folds the paper into a flat square and writes Return to Sender on the front of it, before sliding it under her hotel room door. 

Then she immediately feels like an idiot.

This is ridiculous.  They aren’t teenagers.

Brooke goes back to rehearsing for tomorrow, and tells herself there isn’t a stupid smile on her face.  That would just be too undignified. 

About fifteen minutes later (not that Brooke was counting or paying attention or anything) she hears that same scratching sound, and goes back to the door.  A new piece of paper has been slid underneath it, and Brooke bites down on a grin.

You want a ring or some shit? 

Thought you’d like that, something only the real MISS VANESSA VANJIE MATEO would know. This PA’s real nice, I’ma take advantage of her. UNLESS SHE’S READING THIS. 

What you wearing?

Brooke snorts out a laugh (then covers her face and pretend that sound didn’t just come out of her.)  She sketches out a quick, terribly unsexy picture of herself (basically a beefy stickman in pajama pants and a t-shirt) then folds it up and sticks it back under the door.  This is the most bizarre flirtation she has ever taken part in, and - and she shouldn’t enjoy it as much as she does.

Vanjie’s reply includes a decidedly more X-rated stickman.

I better get some nudes next. Gotta occupy my time somehow besides missing on you.

Brooke laughs at the thought of the horrified PA that could be reading this.

You’ve seen it all in the werkroom anyway, she writes, And you could occupy your time with sleeping, maybe?

Brooke sends the note off, and gives up the ghost of rehearsing for a minute. She stretches out on her bed, arms against the headboard and bare feet nearly hanging off the end.  Story of her life, really.  She’s always felt like she’s too big, too tall, too much.  Compared to Vanessa, she’s like some sort of beast, stumbling around crushing beautiful, delicate things beneath her feet.  

Vanessa is beautiful. Brooke wouldn’t call her ‘delicate’ though, not by a long shot. She knows Vanjie well enough by now to know that she can hold her own.  

(She wonders how much of that attitude is for the show. What Vanjie’s like when she’s all alone.  Every so often there’s a moment where it seems like the other queen is letting her guard down, softening the sideways grin and adorable swagger that Brooke sees when the cameras are rolling. 

How much of that is protective, Brooke wonders.  How much of that swagger is self-defense?

How much of that humor is about survival.)

There is a reply not even ten minutes later: Nah girl, you’re keeping me up. Gonna think about you in those overalls all night, haha. When I can’t do shit tomorrow I’ll be blaming your fine self for messing with my head.

Brooke folds and unfolds Vanjie’s reply too many times, unwilling to put it down. She’s glad she can’t see herself, knows that she’s probably glowing with affection. She’s got a crush, right, just like she told them in the confessional.  That’s what this is. Just a massive, ridiculous crush. 

An impossible, stupid, hopeless crush.

I take no responsibility for that. 

But also your angel costume is the real problem here, how am I supposed to get anything done?  

Go to sleep and dream about my overalls, Miss Vaaaaanjie.

Brooke has had crushes before.  She’s always survived them.

When she slides her note back under the door she thinks that will be the end of it, but a reply comes later, clock nearing midnight and shadows sliding like fingers through the blinds.

Sweet dreams Brooky Poo.

Brooke holds the note against her chest, and laughs, and when she falls asleep she’s still smiling.  Her dreams are full of white feathers, falling gently as snow from the ceiling of her hotel room. Settling soft as a promise against Brooke’s open mouth.

#rpdr fanfiction #vanessa vanjie mateo #brooke lynn hytes #branjie #angst #canon #canon adjacent #elastic heart #mia ugly #concrit welcome #submission #on set fic #s11

[entireoranges-creativity]

To Begin Again

Title: To Begin Again Fandom: Single Parents Ship: Will x Angie (sorta, not really) Doug x Poppy (mentioned) For: Moody Blues Lyric Challenge (#131 Something inside of me is burning - My Song) Note: Cross posted to AO3 Disclaimer: I don't own don't sue

"I need a favor." Will smirks and shakes his head every so slightly; he and Angie been watching the DVR at his place for just fifteen minutes before he had to pause the program. It wasn't as if he didn't adore Angie more then anything, but he had been waiting over a week to watch this and had somehow managed to avoid all spoilers floating around until they both had room in their schedules to enjoy together.

"Sure. What is it?" On hindsight Will knew he may have better suited to ask what before semi-agreeing to do it. Next to him Angie starts to squirm, pulling at the lose thread in the fabric. He really needed to buy a new couch, he needed an entire new living set. He had this set since moving here and now it had been...

"Actually it's more so I need something." Angie spoke knocking him back into the present.

"Angie what is it? Wait I'm not loaning you my van."

"Geez Will that happened one time!"

"And I still haven't gotten the smell or stains out."

"I told you it wasn't my fault the boxes leaked. However you can stop worrying I don't want to borrow your stupid van."

"It's not stupid." Will mumbles as a reflect defensive reaction. He knew he'd get shit the moment he pulled down the street with it. Did he really need seating for eight, when it was just him and Sophie? No, not really but he sure as hell was the first person called for group trips and excursions. Still he didn't realize nearly four years later it would still be standard fodder to make fun of Will with.

"Actually you know what? Never mind forget it. I'll ask later." She leans across him towards the remote, he pulls out of her reach.

"I'm sorry for my little temper tantrum. Please Angie what is it?" The last few weeks she had been a bit distant from him, like he was only experiencing a fraction of the Angie he knew and loved. He attempted a few times to discover what was happening, asking her directly; denial of course, asking Graham; whom just shrugged and went back to studying.

"Sperm." Her voice is soft, almost said under her breath.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me,"

"I'm not entirely sure I did."

"Sperm, Will. I want your sperm." He had heard her correctly. A thousand thoughts, emotions, come rushing through him like a tidal wave, so overwhelming he leaps to his feet and starts pacing.

"My my my my spppperm?' He stutters out. Angie nods having pulled at the thread so hard it was now in her hand. 'Why?" She shrugs, it was then he noticed the sadness mixed with hurt in her eyes. He instantly returns to the couch putting a hand on her shoulder, she half-heartily pulls away.

"Never mind. It was stupid. I'm too old to begin again with a baby."

"You're not too old! Angie I had no idea you were even considering having another kid." For the moment he was going to keep the request and his role out of the discussion.

"Yeah...I mean I don't know. It's past my mind time to time the past few years. But it's gotten really bad the last two years."

"Two years? Really?" Angie nods.

"But I kept telling myself it was stupid. Plus I could never keep a guy around long enough to even approach the subject. Now with Graham going off to school next year.' She sighs. 'The truth is Will I made a lot of mistakes with Graham our first few years. I was young, unprepared for motherhood. I'm older now maybe too old....'

"I already told you that you're not."

"Anyways I just want to do it again. Do it right this time,"

"Angie there is no doing it right this time, because that indicates you did something wrong with Graham and nothing could be further from the truth."

"I know." The tone of her voice tells him she really didn't know.

"I'm sure Kyla didn't really help either?"

"That's another thing I didn't want my friends to think I was copying them by having a baby too. But yeah that's been a factor."

"Angie I really wish you had told me how you were feeling sooner. Two years is a long time to keep something like to yourself."

"Seriously though Will this is stupid. Forget I mentioned it. If my baby fevers flares up I can just ask Doug and Poppy if I can baby sit. And that way I get all the fun and none of the mess,"

"Ange?" He had let a few moments of silence pass before he spoke again.

"Yeah?"

"I miss it too."

"Excuse me?"

"I miss having a baby, a little human to mold and help grow. Sophie hasn't needed me in a long time. And for a few years I pretended she did because I couldn't bear to let go. But having another?"

"I'd be fully responsible. I mean if I was asking because like I said this was a stupid idea."

"That won't work with me and I suspect you already know that."

"Your an amazing father Will. Seriously. And yeah I think that maybe if I got to give this another go, with a man who deserved the honor and had shown he was fit for the job. I couldn't imagine anyone else but you Will."

"Thank you." Softly said in fear he'd have his voice break.

"You're welcome. Will? I'm not gonna lie; I don't know what to do. A part of me understands this is foolish, I should be celebrating a soon to be empty extra bedroom and not shopping until three in the morning for baby cribs. Yet there is this pull and desire in me I can't let go of. But Will?"

"Yeah?"

"I only want to do this with you. Not a random hook up, or Derek, or...."

"Wait Derek?! You considered Derek?!"

"The thought did pass briefly. I mean we did make a pretty good looking kid after all. But only briefly. I promise." Angie knew Derek and everything to do with him was a taboo and completely off limits topic. Will had never liked the man, the dislike turned to straight hate after he left Graham abandoned at a hotel in Canada because he had forgot he was responsible for the then twelve year old that summer.

"Good."

"As I was saying. If I did this, as in I seriously looked into how it would work and the cost. I mean my insurance may not even cover something like IVF....but I'd only if it's yours."

" I need some time to think about this."

"Oh of course. Should I go?" She starts to stand up.

"What are you crazy? If I have wait one more freaking day to watch this damn show heads will roll!"

"Ok ok ok don't burst a blood vessel there! What are you waiting for? Turn it back on!"

***

#tv show: single parents #character: graham d'amato #character: sophie cooper #ship: douglas fogerty x poppy banks #ship: will cooper x angie d'amato #moody blues lyric challenge