#Might have something to do with my period

[ikeuverse]

YOU'RE MY PROBLEM — l.heeseung

PAIRING: heeseung x fem!reader GENRES: angst, fluff, humor, suggestive WC: 11.6k+

WARNINGS: swearing, arguing, cheating, divorce, mention of drinking. slightly smut in that there is a section (albeit brief) describing almost – very almost – sex.

NOTES: idk what's going on, but heeseung's been on my mind a lot these days. 2nd plot in less than two weeks and he's the owner of everything! at first this was going to have a smut, but i felt it would be too long and idk if it turned out that well, so maybe it could happen in a second part that isn't even final. but that's it for now, i hope you like it!

masterlist

"What's your problem?" that intonation was already typical when directed at you, but it still never failed to send a chill down your spine.

Sighing, you got up from the living room floor and smiled at the little boy in front of you, trying not to focus your gaze on the man next to the sofa.

"Can't you do your job properly for once?" he said to you again as he followed you into the downstairs bathroom, and you tried to ignore him as much as possible to put the first aid kit away in the drawer and leave the room. But he blocked the door.

"Can you come out, please? I want to go through" you asked, looking at him for the first time.

"I asked you what your fucking problem is" he leaned over and gritted his teeth, now he could cuss since he wasn't next to his younger brother.

"And I asked you to leave" you leaned in too, almost touching the tip of your nose to his chin because of the height difference. This caught the man completely off guard and he took a few steps back, clearing the way for you to leave the bathroom and walk into the living room.

It wasn't a horrible accident, you weren't a terrible babysitter for nine-year-old Hajun. But his older brother, Heeseung, had been a pain in the ass ever since you first set foot in the Lee house.

And it wasn't as if you'd done anything because Mrs. Lee always praised your work highly and you even did a few extra periods just to play with Hajun or stay with him when there were family problems. These, more often than not, were your suspicions as to why the Lee family had hired a nanny for their youngest, and also why Heeseung seemed so down on life. Especially with you.

It was typical for him to make some sarcastic comment, and roll his eyes when you excitedly answered something his mother had asked. Or even mutter a swear word when Hajun chooses to go out with you instead of his own brother. Jealous? Or that intensified the anger Heeseung felt even more, you just didn't want it to be directed completely at you. In your mind, Heeseung was already like that because of something that happened in the family – and you'd always been curious to ask, you just didn't have the courage – so, because you were the only person who was easy to get along with apart from his mother and younger brother, the boy only had you to put it all out there.

You weren't such a bad listener, you could call Heeseung to sit down after your babysitting shift and tell him everything that was bothering you. Why he was so angry and, most importantly, why did he seem to hate you? Your memory tried to capture a moment when you could have given him a curt reply, a grimace or simply been rude, but no.

As soon as you arrived and introduced yourself as Hajun's new nanny, Heeseung just rolled his eyes and left the room.

"Don't worry about him, Y/n" Mrs. Lee smiled lovingly at you "Heeseung is going through a difficult process, I think he'll get better soon. He's sweet."

You hoped he would be. And you waited for months to see that Heeseung was still the same... Maybe his process would take forever and you would have been chosen to be his punching bag. 

But one day it would get tiresome. Surely you knew that you would respond in full, even if you were afraid of losing your job because he might be able to get his mother's head around firing you. 

Back in the living room, you smiled at Hajun when you saw the little boy smile at you too. Your gaze completely ignored Heeseung sitting in the armchair next to his brother.

"Come on Y/n, I was telling Seungie how I fell in the park earlier" the little boy had no idea what had happened minutes ago between you and Heeseung, and you preferred it that way. Your priority was always to protect Hajun and be with him.

You sat down next to him, feeling Hajun's small hands wrap around yours.

"So I went to play ball with some boys, but Y/n told me not to go barefoot because it could be dangerous for me" Hajun formed a pout on his lips as he looked away from Heeseung to his bruised knee, now completely clean and bandaged "And I didn't listen" Hajun looked at you now, showing his newly grown teeth "Do you forgive me, Y/n?"

"Oh, of course" you hugged him as he laid his head on your shoulder.

Heeseung huffed from the other side of the sofa, running his hand through his hair impatiently.

"Anyway, do your job properly next time" he got up and left the room, leaving you with Hajun as he climbed the stairs with his feet tapping.

You felt the younger man move beside you, looking into your eyes while still smiling. Hajun was an amazing child and you felt your heart sink every time you thought that, if it wasn't for you, he might be alone in this house.

Not completely alone, Heeseung worked in his room a few days a week and Hajun could ask his brother for help with anything, as he was extremely protective of the youngest. But if it wasn't for you, the little one wouldn't do his homework. He couldn't go out to the park in the next block, let alone go to the movies in the late afternoon because he was too bored to do anything indoors.

Thanks to you, Hajun had company every day. And that was the thought you had when Mrs. Lee hired you to keep him company.

"Ignore him" Hajun's voice brought you out of your thoughts and back to the reality you were in at that very moment. The little boy was already standing in the middle of the room "Heeseung is a pain in the ass when he wants to be."

"Hey, watch your mouth, young man" you laughed when he grimaced.

"Seriously, after—" Hajun sighed, looking at you "Never mind."

"You know you can tell me whenever you want, right?" you stood up too, walking over to him to ruffle the younger man's dark hair.

Hajun nodded, smiling at you and asking you to make him a brownie. Because he deserved it and he was hurting. This made you laugh because, although the mood changed drastically in that house, you knew that he always tried to take everything in good humor. 

Hajun's slip in the previous few minutes only made you even more certain that something was going on, and your heart squeezed to see that he was aware of the problems within his own house even at his young age. So, more than ever, your determination to take care of him spoke louder. Because Hajun was your priority in that house. And that would always be the case.

With your head in your hands, you felt like screaming as you stared at the computer in front of you. Life as a university student was complete shit, even more so when you were forced to start a project and didn't even know where to begin.

Your two best friends were sitting right in front of you with their projects very well developed, but it was as if only your head was short-circuiting because nothing was good enough.

"You're going to tear your hair out soon" Jake leaned over the table to pull one of your hands away from your face, taking his attention away from his project.

"Can I rip my head off?" you almost cried as you looked at him, both of you looking away to Ryunjin sitting next to you.

"Why are you like this?" she asked.

"Is it because of the project?" Jake was already sitting properly in his seat, his eyes still on you and Ryunjin too. You nodded in agreement, swallowing dryly when the girl sighed.

"Or is it for someone else?" Ryunjin emphasized the question when she looked at you.

The table was now a little chaotic with Ryunjin peeking out with a smile on her lips, you trying to wiggle out of it and Jake looking between the two friends like a lost puppy.

"What the fuck is going on? Because I think I've lost something" the boy finally said.

"Heeseung, again" Ryunjin answered for you "He's still being an asshole to Y/n. Hasn't your little friend said anything worthwhile to let us know what happened?"

Jake opened and closed his mouth to answer but to no avail. He was a friend of Heeseung's, fortunately, or unfortunately, the boy went to the same university as you. Being Jake's friend, he once let slip that his mother was looking for someone to look after Hajun. And since you needed money... you could just combine the useful with the pleasant.

But your friend seemed to be as lost as you were, or at least he pretended very well. As one of Heeseung's best friends, it would be difficult for him to tell you if something was going on that could involve you. But he was also your best friend. This standoff with Jake could leave you confused and feeling bad on both sides, which is why you never pressured him to tell you anything.

"He's just having some problems" Jake tried to be vague on the subject.

"He's the problem, Jake" you closed your computer, giving up on working on a project you knew would come to nothing. Your head was full – unfortunately of annoyance about Heeseung – and nothing could make you concentrate on the moment "He was really rude to me last time, you know?"

He knew.

He listened to Heeseung swear for ten minutes about how you could let Hajun get hurt. Then he let his friend cool off and tried to argue that it wasn't your fault. Heeseung understood and even pondered whether he had been too hard on you.

"I... No, what did he do?" Jake nibbled his lower lip to suppress a sigh as he began to listen to everything he had to say.

From his perspective it wasn't your fault, Heeseung was too hard on you and anything you did. Sometimes Jake felt like telling you everything, telling you how many times he'd lost count by cursing Heeseung for his behavior. Or wanting to punch him just because his friend took out his frustrations on the wrong things.

"You need to talk to him to stop being like that with Y/n" Ryunjin caught Jake's eye, making him look at her "Or I'll shove some architectural material up his ass. Name one."

"A piece of concrete?" Jake frowned. He had no idea which materials were architectural, Heeseung did that course, not him. Jake was a computer scientist, just like Ryunjin.

She smiled with satisfaction at the answer and then looked at you.

"Now don't think about him and focus on your project, my love" Ryunjin reached out to touch your hand gently "I bet your designers are going to be amazing."

"We can't wait to see it" Jake also celebrated, taking your other hand and running his thumb over the back of it in affectionate contact.

Even with all the stuff going on in your life, the daily stress of dealing with the older brother of the little boy you were looking after, being in the presence of your friends seemed to cure everything and then some. Even though Jake was Heeseung's friend, that didn't change the way your friend treated you or how much he wanted to see you well. 

Ever since these disagreements between you and Heeseung started happening, Jake made it clear to both parties that he didn't want to be a part of it. Ryunjin even complained once that she would be part of it and still defend you, but no one listened – thankfully. 

After some time exchanging glances with your friends and smiling, you decided to focus on your project because, even if time was in your favor and the deadline was a month away, being prepared and ahead of schedule was your motto.

Taking advantage of a few vacant classes at college was perfect for going to a remote table on campus and working on whatever it was. These get-togethers with your friends were what got you out of stressful and bad times, even if you saw them on some weekends or in some classes. Just sitting there, chatting away regardless of the subject, made you feel a little better.

"Jake, dude, I finally found you" the voice took you away from your more peaceful thoughts and gratitude for your friends to focus forward. The boy whose name had been called stared after you with soft eyes, but as soon as he noticed your gaze on him, Jake's eyes widened slightly "Are you studying?"

Heeseung's voice was unmistakable to you. And at that moment you wanted to dig a hole and hide, or run out of there just so you wouldn't have the pleasure of bumping into the boy at his study table.

"Tidying up projects" Jake hissed, squeezing Ryunjin's leg under the table when he felt his friend move in her place. Her gaze was locked on Heeseung so angrily, yet the boy didn't notice, too distressed to find Jake.

"Can I join you here?" he asked "I need to finish some university homework and then we need to meet Jay for a game of basketball."

"Sure" Jake gave a small smile and beckoned Heeseung to sit down.

No. Not. Jake and Ryunjin were sitting next to each other, so the only vacant seat was right next to you.

Heeseung sat down without looking in their direction. He smiled at Ryunjin as a silent greeting, but she took it in her stride and ended up nodding at him politely after looking at you at the same moment Heeseung did.

The boy's eyes could come out of their orbs if it were possible, the way he opened them. Fidgeting uncomfortably on the bench next to you, he was in a bit of shock, even looking a little vulnerable given the circumstances that Heeseung always looked fierce when he was around you at his house.

"Y/n?" he asked, afraid that you were real.

"Hey" you said quietly.

He didn't know what to say, how could he forget that Jake was always with you on campus if you weren't with him? Why didn't Heeseung check out the people at that table before he sat down?

There were so many questions circling his mind that, as the boy saw you ignore him to open the computer and focus on your study, maybe he should do the same.

Focusing on his university homework while he waited for Jake to finish his project and then meet his other friends was what he had to do. All Heeseung had to do was answer a few questions that the teacher had given him in class and hope that his friend would finish as quickly as possible.

"Heeseung" Ryunjin called out after a while, her gaze flicking between him and you. You both looked very uncomfortable next to each other and it was so clear. Even more so after he arrived and didn't greet you properly, it wouldn't go unnoticed by your best friend.

"Hey, Ryunjin" he tried to smile amiably, almost feeling a shiver run down his spine when she leaned over the table, resting her elbows on the stone. She smiled strangely; he had seen it before when the girl was sarcastic or about to fight with someone. Was she going to fight with him?

"Is there concrete in your course building?" she asked.

Heeseung frowned in complete confusion. That question had no basis in fact, but at least she wasn't angry with him, so he could relax a little and not feel any more chills as the girl still stared at him.

"We have several, will you need them?"

"Yes" she said.

"Sure, but what for?" when Heeseung asked and Ryunjin was about to answer, you quickly closed your computer. Praying that everything was intact even with the small bang.

This startled the three at the table – even you – so you got up and grabbed your backpack.

"I remembered that I need to go with Ryunjin to the library, now" your emphasis was a complete answer to the fact that your friend would have to follow you. Jake was grateful that she obeyed, even if it was against her will, putting her things away as she picked up the backpack to leave.

"Why did she want concrete?" Heeseung looked at Jake after you and Ryunjin left, laughing quietly and focusing on the questions he needed to answer, missing his friend's gaze, which was a little shocked.

"I have no idea" Jake lied.

Or omitted, exactly. Heeseung didn't need to know the intentions of the girl who had ranted at him minutes before he arrived at the table.

Of all the things Heeseung wanted to put out of his mind, one was to know exactly where to find the person who had hurt him the most. Who broke up the perfect family he thought he had.

Heeseung wanted to be able not to remember the bar his father frequented, but here he was. Across the street watching the large glass windows, and inside the establishment, people were drinking and celebrating something.

He was drinking too. He was already on his third bottle and brought the glass up to his lips to finish off the bitter liquid which, at this point, no longer had any effect. Heeseung was focused on the male figure who was laughing and raising his glass of alcohol to talk to some other men. So this was how his father looked every Thursday night before going home. That's how Heeseung followed him one night, tired of seeing his father come home late only to catch him drinking in that damn bar, with a woman sitting on his lap who must have been Heeseung's age.

His father didn't see him he didn't want to cause a fuss and make his mother even more worried because, frankly, Heeseung was on the other side of town and late at night. But he couldn't hide it when he got home and told his mother. She was an amazing woman and didn't deserve the kind of thing that was happening right behind his back and that of the whole family.

Heeseung didn't know that he could feel as strongly repulsed by someone as he did by the man who, at that moment, staggered out of the bar with another woman hanging around his neck.

He felt nauseous, wanting to throw up the beers he had bought while his eyes stung and blurred. But the figure of the man on the other side who was dialing something on his cell phone was clear, waiting for the app car together with another woman. She was different from the woman Heeseung first caught him with, so his father was with a different one every time. That was even more disgusting.

"Let's go to my apartment, baby" he laughed out loud as soon as the car arrived, letting the woman get in first and him follow behind. Leaving Heeseung's sight as the car pulled away.

"Fucker" Heeseung kicked the glass bottle against the sidewalk to break it instantly.

The tears were already rolling freely down his face and he didn't care that he was crying, he'd held it in for so long since the last two days. He stayed in his room so that he could cry in peace without his mother or Hajun noticing. He didn't want to worry them because he was now the oldest male figure there. While his mother worked all the time at the company, Heeseung needed to be there for Hajun even if you were with him. 

His thoughts were soon interrupted by the sound of Heeseung's cell phone, startling him briefly as he picked it up to see who was calling. His mother. 

Involuntarily, a sad smile formed amidst the tears and he didn't think twice about answering the call.

"Hi son, where are you?" she asked on the other end of the line.

"I came for a walk" he struggled to keep his voice from sounding so sad and tearful, clearing his throat as he sniffled "Is everything all right? Do you need anything?"

"Everything's fine, don't worry" she laughed, making Heeseung laugh too. That laugh that he missed, knowing that it was slowly coming back "It's just that a great opportunity has arisen to close a deal with another partner in the company and I'm going to have to travel to the neighboring city for a week."

"And Hajun?" he asked.

"I've just spoken to Y/n, she's going to sleep at home" his mother just passed on the information, showing that the decision had already been made. And even if it wasn't, Heeseung couldn't do much since he knew that his younger brother needed the nanny's care. He couldn't be available to look after Hajun.

"All right" he said afterward, "I'm coming home."

"Okay, my son. Come back carefully, okay?" she seemed to be smiling as she spoke, which warmed Heeseung's heart "Be a good boy with the two of them at home, please."

"I will" he replied "Bye mom, I love you."

"I love you more, my boy" and saying that, she hung up.

Heeseung felt less bad about his mother's call, but he still couldn't forget the scene he had seen a few minutes ago. He knew that his mother was moving on and accepting the divorce as best she could, but Heeseung couldn't forgive the betrayal. The way his father had acted in the face of everything. He hadn't spoken to the man since he found out, choosing to ignore his calls and messages and telling his mother not to go to the university. Heeseung didn't want to see him. He'd rather pretend he'd never met or lived with a lying father than have to say anything to the man.

Maybe he needed to go home like he said he would. His head was already beginning to buzz with disparaging and angry thoughts, which he wanted to get rid of quickly. 

A hot bath and a video game were all Heeseung needed at the moment to feel cleansed of everything he had witnessed that day. Not that it had been much, but he hadn't come home from university. He hadn't arrived at the same time as Hajun from school so that he could have lunch with him. Heeseung wandered around every familiar corner until he stopped at an app car and went straight to that damn bar. Now it was time to get another app car and go home.

Heeseung felt angry with himself for letting anger take over every fiber of his body, while he could do the same as his mother. Or even Hajun, who was already asking less about the man daily. Perhaps the younger brother wouldn't even remember his father if he wasn't mentioned, and the elder wanted it that way. He wanted his brother not to have the proximity he had to see how disgusting and untruthful the man who once lived with them was.

"Thank you" Heeseung thanked the driver as soon as he pulled up in front of his house, getting out of the car and waving quickly.

He took slow steps to the front door to see that everything was dark, you had probably already put Hajun to bed and that would be a relief. The two of you would be asleep and you wouldn't see the deplorable state that Heeseung had arrived home in.

In as much silence as he could manage, he unlocked the door and opened it, then locked it and looked around. Absolute silence inside the house. It brought Heeseung a little peace to think that the motherfucker he had seen earlier would never set foot in his house again.

He took off his shoes and the jacket he was wearing, throwing the garment on the sofa and feeling his body begin to tire. His throat was dry from the beers and from crying, his eyes would surely swell up because of it and Heeseung always forgot that fact. It was a pain. So maybe a little water would at least save his throat; he'd deal with his morning appearance later.

Heeseung walked to the kitchen only to feel a scream escape his mouth as the fridge door slammed shut. 

"Fuck" he put his hand over his chest as he looked at your equally frightened figure. You had also let out a little scream, but he only heard his own because his ears were ringing "Why is everything out?" he asked when he saw you moving away from the fridge.

"I thought you'd already arrived, I didn't want to disturb you" you held up the bottle of juice, probably something you'd drink while you were there until you fell asleep.

Heeseung just nodded and walked over to the light switch, squeezing his eyes shut along with you when the brightness hit. It didn't take long to get used to it before he looked at you, swallowing dryly as you looked back at him.

"Is everything okay?" you asked. Heeseung was going to ask why but forgot that his eyes and the tip of his nose were probably red because he had been crying.

Shit. Continuing with the light off could have been better.

"I don't want to talk about it" he replied immediately, his nervous tone returning as Heeseung looked away from you.

"Heeseung—"

"You're here to look after Hajun, right?" turning to look at you, Heeseung felt his eyes misting up again. He didn't know why he felt like crying while standing in front of you, one of the only people he didn't want to show himself vulnerable to apart from his younger brother and his mother "So why don't you do your job, and stop asking questions?"

For a split second, Heeseung saw your shoulders slump, the bottle of juice resting on the sink and your lips parting to say something. He blinked a few times to keep the tears from falling.

"What's your problem?" you finally said to him, your chest aching and your heart beating fast from nervousness "I have no idea what's happened to you" with each word, you took a tiny step towards him because Heeseung was blocking the passage from the kitchen worktop to the main door to leave the room. You had no choice but to approach him "But don't take your frustrations out on me!" you wanted to shout the last sentence, but out of respect for Hajun and for him being asleep, all you did was poke his chest a little harder. Pushing your index finger in there.

Heeseung closed his eyes as he felt your finger pushing him, but before you could push him away, he grabbed your hand. 

Your eyes widened at him because that was the first touch the two of you had shared since you started working at the Lee family home. His fingers were warm against your wrist and you wanted to struggle to get out of his grip, but without a doubt, Heeseung was stronger and faster. Pulling your body against his and wrapping his other arm around your waist.

It would be foolish to ask what or why, and even more foolish to try to get out of there because with every reluctant movement you made, he pulled your body even tighter against him. He tilted his face towards you, lowering it enough to touch his forehead to yours, and you took the opportunity to lean in and meet his lips halfway. 

The touch of Heeseung's lips was soft, his tongue pressing against your bottom lip was electrifying and when he wrapped the muscle around yours, you could taste the lingering taste of beer in his mouth. It wasn't as if you'd never drunk before, but feeling the alcohol in someone else's mouth, Heeseung's had made your whole body shiver.

He pulled your body closer until his big hands and firm fingers pressed your waist to your butt. Giving small touches to your thigh, he wanted to signal you to jump into his lap, and without disobeying you did so, already knowing that your butt would be in contact with the cold marble countertop in the kitchen. 

Your legs wrapped around Heeseung's waist and body to pull him closer while you lost yourself in his lips. It would be a lie to say that he didn't notice every detail of your face, and you would also be a hypocrite to say that you didn't look at him a little more closely when he wasn't looking at you. But feeling the softness of those lips that were always frowning in your direction was wonderful.

Heeseung lowered his lips to your chin and kissed down to your jaw, then down to your neck, and like a damn pro, he hit exactly the spot that made your whole body shudder. Your reaction couldn't have been different, letting out a sly moan and clamping your legs even tighter around him. When Heeseung's body tightened between your legs, he instinctively moved his hips towards your, thrusting his hips to give your better friction between his legs. 

Your fingers tangled in his hair, tugging at each strand while your mouth worked wonders on his skin down to his collarbone. 

He moved his hips again, this time you could feel Heeseung's semi-hard cock pressing against your pajama-clad pussy. Moaning once more, you tugged on his hair as he lifted his head to kiss you again.

It was breathtaking how he felt between your legs, taken by your lips and touching your body with his fingertips. Your waist was perfect, fitting exactly between his palms as he pressed you even tighter against him. It was Heeseung's turn to moan against your lips when you planted your feet on his lower back to press Heeseung's hips even tighter against yours, nibbling on his lower lip to catch your breath.

"Y/n" he moaned your name and you almost whimpered and asked him to rip off all your clothes and fuck you right there. Heeseung would do it for sure, you wouldn't even think of denying it because of the way he was squeezing every curve of your body and chasing his lips to kiss you again.

If it hadn't been for the incessant crying upstairs. The two of you separated for a few seconds to see if you had heard the same thing. Heeseung's eyes traveled to yours and then to the kitchen door, hearing Hajun's crying again.

With great difficulty, he climbed out from between your legs, feeling the loss of contact grow cold between his fingers as he took a few steps back and took your hand to help you down from the worktop. Heeseung looked at you a little better this time. Lips reddened and the skin on your neck the same, a few bite marks he'd left while kissing there made him smile a little sideways as he saw your eyes go down to his cock.

"Oh" Heeseung threw his oversized blouse over it, even though it only covered half of his lower body, but he couldn't stop it. 

You'd even tease him about how beautiful he looked with his hair messed up – by you – and his red mouth too inviting to keep kissing. But Hajun had called your name, taking you away from all the unholy thoughts you were having in the kitchen with Heeseung.

"Shit" you turned away from Heeseung and watched him throw his head back, as frustrated as you were to get it over with as the two of you ran to the top of the stairs. Climbing each step a little faster until you entered Hajun's room and were followed by his older brother "Hey, I'm here."

"I had a bad dream, Y/n" he was crying, hugging your body quickly as soon as you sat on the edge of the bed.

You kissed the top of Hajun's head and looked at the door, beckoning Heeseung to come in too. And so he did.

"Hey buddy, are you okay?" Heeseung knelt beside the bed where you were sitting with Hajun.

"Seungie" the younger man pulled out of your embrace, this time choosing to hug his brother, "I had a bad dream."

"Do you want to tell us what it was like?" Heeseung asked.

Hajun remained quiet for a while still hugging Heeseung, probably calming down from the fright he'd had as he got out of his brother's arms and lay back on the bed. You dried the stubborn tears from his face with such a gentle touch, that it made Heeseung wonder if you would have done the same for him if you had seen him cry earlier.

What kind of fucking thought is that, Heeseung? He pushed any thoughts of this aside and focused on the scene in front of him, seeing that Hajun looked a little calmer as he sighed.

"I dreamt about my father" the mention of the man, made Heeseung's jaw clenched, and he wanted to curse himself so much for seeing that your eyes were on him now. Surely this could come up as a topic of conversation or, worse, now you could find out about his father. And that was a subject Heeseung didn't want anyone to know about.

"And do you remember what it was like?" you asked.

"Never mind, Hajun's tired—"

"He fought with me in the dream" Hajun interrupted Heeseung who was already on his feet, he didn't want to pace around while listening to his brother's dream "And then I saw him beating up Seungie and leaving the house with my favorite teddy bear."

Before Hajun could cry again, you grabbed one of his hands and kissed it.

"It was just a dream, it won't happen, Junie" trying to reassure the little boy that it would never happen was easier than you thought. He smiled at you.

"Promise you won't let it happen? That you'll look after me, but Heeseung too?"

Hajun's eyes were so pleading and piteous. You wondered if Heeseung did the same thing when he wanted something. But also, you wondered why that had been said. Why had Hajun asked you to do that kind of thing?

Your lack of words made Heeseung restless, moving from side to side until he went to the bedroom door. Perhaps you had been clear in your attitude that you were only there to look after Hajun. He just didn't know why it was bothering him so much, leaving a slight tightness in his chest. It could be because of his brother's dream, of course! That was it, wasn't it? Or was it his lack of an answer?

Heeseung didn't want to think too much, he didn't want to let anything get to him. But he was completely wrong when standing in the doorway of Hajun's room, he heard you.

"I promise, Junie."

If before it was inevitable not to look at you while you were around, now it seemed impossible for Heeseung to look away from you. Even having to spend a whole week with just you, him, and Hajun. 

The boy had the vivid memory of your lips against him in that kitchen every time he saw you say something. Your mouth moved to answer something his younger brother or talk on the phone to his mother because she called and wanted to know if everything was okay. Heeseung wanted to curse himself for remembering the sounds you made and how he felt when he got between your legs. It might have sounded pathetic to any guy who said it out loud, especially if it was about you.

He'd certainly heard half an hour of Jake's lecture about what had happened, especially as he didn't dare to say much afterward.

"She thinks I'm an idiot, then?" Heeseung asked.

"More than usual? Absolutely" Jake wanted to throw anything in his hand at his friend's head, especially after he saw the gleam in Heeseung's eye when he talked about you.

It was clear that all that denial was turning into attraction and Sim knew it would, he didn't read the silly novels that Ryunjin pushed at him for nothing, something would have to do and sure enough, it was the analysis he'd done on your – unofficial – relationship with Heeseung. Something he kept quiet until his older friend opened his mouth and told him everything.

At first, the kiss had been something that had shocked Jake, after all, Heeseung couldn't spend two seconds next to you without an argument breaking out. But as he went on to tell you about the events and how he had been acting around you during that week, something in Jake clicked. It wasn't necessarily a crush, but something in Heeseung about finding you attractive or starting to take a romantic interest in you.

"That's got to be a joke, doesn't it?" Heeseung turned to Jake and then looked at Sunghoon, another friend of the two of them who always listened to the lamentations and frustrations about how Heeseung had argued – again – with you.

"Firstly, you didn't deny it at any point when Jake talked about you being attracted to Y/n ever since we arrived" Sunghoon leaned back even further in the café chair, holding back a smile when he saw his friend's eyes go wide "Secondly, you kissed her, like, do you do that with someone you can't stand?"

Heeseung wanted to say yes, that was exactly it. It would be normal to kiss someone he can't stand, right? But the question would be... Why can't he stand himself? 

After keeping quiet for a while, he tried to forget how right his friends were because he didn't want to dwell on something he was struggling to forget, especially since his mother's week away was over and that meant you'd be going back home. No more seeing you at home all the time, at least not alone. This would give him time to think more calmly and put all his thoughts in order, which could make him even more confused if it were possible.

Sighing heavily after returning from university, Heeseung just wanted to throw himself on his bed and forget about all that mental confusion for the next few days. Isolate himself, do his homework, and pretend you weren't downstairs in his house. Maybe that would be easy. Maybe he could ignore it a little and try not to run around looking like an idiot in front of you because he's had a whole week, uninterrupted, to say a single word to you. But no, Heeseung couldn't.

At least he said good morning and smiled at you every day while you were with Hajun, right? You shouldn't smile back, you shouldn't make him almost scream internally because you were being nice to him. 

Shit, Heeseung. You sound like a teenager, you idiot. He might even have continued talking in his head if it hadn't been for the voices coming from the living room. 

Heeseung didn't want to think that he had arrived at his house after you and that he would see the scene of you fooling around with Hajun. He tried to run as far as he could when Jake gave him a lift so he wouldn't have to wait for you to get home and have lunch with you. At least not that day. But to the boy's surprise, the voices were much more different than his own. 

And he knew – unfortunately – who it was.

"Look, you're here" in the old days, Heeseung would have given anything to hear that voice cheerfully after coming home from school, perhaps if he were in eighth grade again. But coming home from university with a sick feeling in his stomach, he just wanted to throw up as he looked at his father.

"Son" his mother got up from the sofa where she was, not so close to his father, and they both seemed to be having an amicable conversation before Heeseung arrived.

"What are you doing here?" he asked directly to the man who was trying to smile in his direction.

"Your father called me yesterday, he misses you and Hajun" his mother had the sweetest voice of all, and on any occasion. Heeseung wanted to ask her how she was feeling in the presence of that man. It was impossible to have such a beautiful smile and calm voice after everything he had done.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" he knew that his pent-up anger would come out somehow, he just didn't want to explode in front of his mother. At least Hajun wasn't there.

"I asked your mother to spend a weekend with you and Hajun" he took a step forward to try to get closer to Heeseung. The boy did the same, mustering the only ounce of sanity he had not to slam his fist into the man's face. Unfortunately, it was still his father.

"I won't, and you won't get Hajun out of this house."

"Heeseung" his mother called out.

"What's your problem, Mom? Really?" Heeseung turned away from his father and walked to the middle of the room to approach his mother. It was almost like a plea when he let out, "After everything he's done, you still have the nerve to let him in and allow this? No!"

"He's still your father, my son" she smiled weakly "And it's only a weekend..."

"No" he said.

The protests could continue, Heeseung knew that this discussion would be so long that they would spend hours in that room. They shouted and protested that they wouldn't leave, but the door opened quickly.

Hajun's hurried footsteps and the conversation he was having with you were the reason the three of them shut up immediately.

"I can't do without this ice cream, Y/n. Please" Hajun whined. When you laughed, it was the only thing that could make Heeseung relax his shoulders, even if he didn't want to admit it. The sound of your laughter so close up awakened something in him.

"We can go to the other side of town after you've done your homework" you said, making the little boy giggle. Okay, maybe you were right, but he'd still convince you to go across town to the best ice cream parlor you and he had visited last week.

"Dad?" Hajun was the first to enter the room, looking at the scene before him. Upon hearing this, you took a few more hurried steps behind the little boy to be equally shocked by what you were seeing.

The father of the Lee family was there, for the first time since you started babysitting Hajun. Mrs. Lee had a small smile when she saw the little boy go towards her to hug him affectionately. But what caught your eye was Heeseung's furious look. That look you knew because it was the only thing you saw all that time, except when he looked at Hajun or his mother.

So Heeseung was angry at his father, the man who was smiling at you at that moment.

"Hello, you're..." he tried to make conversation when he saw that no one would say anything.

"Oh, I'm Y/n, Hajun's nanny" you approached to greet the smiling man, smiling too. But as soon as your hand almost touched him, a strong tug on your wrist made you stagger backward.

Your eyes quickly searched for the reason to find Heeseung already looking at you.

"Come up with Hajun, please" he ordered.

"Heeseung..."

"Not now, just go up with him" he whispered when he saw that Hajun was engaged in an awkward conversation with his father and mother "And stay there as long as you can."

"Are you okay?" Heeseung didn't want to have another clash of feelings at that moment, especially with your gaze so intensely on him. So he just nodded quickly and looked away to the other three.

"Junie, go upstairs with Y/n. I heard you need to do your homework..."

"But I wanted to meet the babysitter and, well, spend some time with your brother" the older man seemed quite nice, but if that was the reason Heeseung was clenching his hands into fists, it was certainly a false front.

"Hajun, go with Y/n" was the older brother's final word, and from the way the little boy didn't even question it, you knew it was something much more delicate.

As a silent apology, Mrs. Lee waved to you and Hajun before going upstairs to the youngest's room.

"Do you want to take a shower before you start your homework?" you asked, going to his closet to get some clothes that were more comfortable than his school uniform.

Searching for some sweat shorts and a T-shirt, you turned towards him to see Hajun's eyes redden and shine. Running up to the little one, you knelt in front of him before feeling little arms encircling your neck.

"Hey, hey, hey... Are you okay?" you whispered as you hugged him, sitting down on the floor to welcome the little one into a tight embrace.

"I don't like it, Y/n... I don't like it."

"What? What don't you like?" as you asked, your hands went straight to the little one's hair to stroke it as you let him cry in your embrace.

Hajun cried silently for a few minutes, sobbing softly as he felt a little safer in your arms.

"The last time Dad was here..." he sighed between whimpers, lifting his head a little to meet your face "He and Heeseung had a nasty fight, but neither of them knows that I know."

"Your mother knows?" you asked, Hajun agreed.

It was the night the betrayal came to light that Heeseung didn't want to put his mother through all that lying to sustain a marriage that was only for her. His father had been gone for a long time, or at least trying to maintain an appearance that didn't exist.

Hajun was supposed to be asleep that night, but Heeseung's furious shouts woke him up, causing him to get out of bed and open the bedroom door with a crack. Hearing the swearing and shouting, he also heard something. It sounded like a struggle. Mrs. Lee's crying aroused Hajun's despair and he almost went downstairs to see what was going on, why Heeseung was cursing his father. Hajun had never heard his older brother swear like that.

But before he could go downstairs, his mother stopped midway with watery eyes and a silent plea for him to go back to his room.

"Stay here, okay? And don't tell them about it" Hajun knew something was very wrong because he had never seen his mother cry. And after a few minutes, the fighting seemed to stop. 

The front door slammed hard and then Hajun tried to forget what had happened for so long until he only remembered after seeing his father's figure standing there in the middle of the room. They were flashes of the small event that was much bigger, and it made you even more curious because Hajun's words were few, even though they contained a lot of information since you were left in the dark when you arrived.

At least there was something to know, but it wasn't as if you needed to ask him everything either. You just wanted to protect him and you would do that, the questions could come later.

"God, dude, stop drinking" Jake whined as Heeseung poured himself another glass, ignoring his friend's protests.

"Why?" he asked "As far as I remember, we came here because I'm sad and I need to get drunk."

"Drunk is fine, but not to the point of vomiting" Jake took another glass away from Heeseung "I'm taking you away and I don't want anyone vomiting in my car."

It was a fair point, but Heeseung didn't want to make a big deal out of it. He wanted to forget the last few weeks.

He wanted to forget that, unfortunately, his father had had a shitty, friendly talk with his mother, agreeing that he would take Hajun away for at least one weekend to go for a walk or do something nice. Even if the boy's fights and constant swearing came to nothing. He knew he couldn't stop it, not legally, so as long as nothing happened to the little boy, Heeseung vowed not to speak a word to his father. 

Then he became even more frustrated by your presence in his home, and this was because, as the days went by, he realized that he could feel something. Not even the slightest something for you. But what he didn't count on was the fury that went through his whole being when he saw you laughing with a boy in the university cafeteria. Heeseung hardly ever saw you there, or if he did, it was always with Ryunjin, so why did it bother him so much?

The last fact had been a state secret, none of his friends knew anything about it. So they attributed Heeseung's bad mood and sadness to the events with his father and how powerless he felt to let Hajun meet the man he hated most on the face of the earth.

"I might as well go home alone" Heeseung flashed all his pearly teeth in a childish grin when Sunghoon arrived with a few more glasses.

He was such a savior of the fatherland, making his sad friend, who just wanted to get drunk at that moment, happy.

"So why did you ask me for a ride?" Jake raised one eyebrow, smiling "Why did you say you wouldn't drive and I was supposed to take you back home?"

"Because you love me and would do anything for me" Heeseung picked up another glass and turned away from Jake to drink.

There was no point in arguing or stopping the tallest boy from drinking that night, not even Sunghoon could do it. The only way out was to surrender and let Heeseung enjoy as much as he could, even if Jake sneered every time the glass was against Lee's lips.

He wondered what the car would look like if it swayed too much while he was taking Heeseung home, or what he would look like in the back seat or even in the back if he had to take Sunghoon too.

And it was this scene that Jake found himself in, a few hours later, as he carried his two best friends out of the bar. Sunghoon was in the driver's seat to guide the way while Heeseung sat in the back seat, his legs wide apart and his head resting against the back of the seat.

Jake looked in the rearview mirror, afraid that some fluid would come out of Heeseung's mouth or that he would have to stop abruptly so that his friend would run off and vomit. But no, the journey continued normally until the three of them stopped in front of Lee's house. Meanwhile, Heeseung's mind was far away. Closed eyes had been a plague on his life for the past few weeks because every time it happened, your face would appear in his mind. It was something Heeseung tried at all costs to ignore. Something he swore to himself that if it happened again, he would have to take action.

And it was impossible not to think about you after the last scene he saw, your smile at that other boy still played like a memorized movie in his mind and even if you hadn't meant it, Heeseung had no right to feel that way. He was the one who had been a jerk to you all along, you couldn't be expected to be sweet to him about it. 

"Heeseung" Sunghoon called out, turning back to touch his friend's knee. He opened his eyes slowly, getting used to the idea of seeing his friend's face and not his own in his thoughts.

"What's up?" he asked as soon as he was off the bench and sitting properly.

"We're here" Jake said, turning off the car "Do you want us to go in with you?"

A while of silence was enough for Heeseung's mind to wander even further and, without realizing it, it had already come out of his mouth without giving him a chance to regret it.

"Take me to Y/n's house."

"What the fuck?" Sunghoon almost shouted. Jake turned around abruptly, almost hitting Sunghoon head-on.

"Dude, what the fuck? Why are you asking me this?" he asked.

Really, why was he asking this? Heeseung didn't have an effective explanation for it, much less did he think he should. He just felt like it.

"I don't know, I just need to see her now and..." a long sigh came from his lips, Heeseung allowed himself to run one hand through his hair as he looked at Jake and then at Sunghoon "I need to make up for the shit I've done and tell her that I can't stop thinking about her."

"Oh" the two friends said at the same time, Jake swallowing down the urge to shout and say that it was all part of the little novel he'd written in his head about you and Heeseung. But that would be something for future conversations.

"Only if you tell me something" Jake said.

"Whatever you want to know" since everything was screwed up, there was no point in hiding anything from his best friend.

"Your father wasn't the only reason we were at the bar hours ago, was he?"

The shy smile that Heeseung tried to hide by biting his lower lip said it all, he didn't need a specific word for Jake or Sunghoon. It was clear how exactly that said that you had also been a reason, even if neither of them knew what it was. 

Seeing Heeseung like that was new for the two boys sitting in the driver's and passenger's seats, so all that was left was for Jake to start the car again and drive to your apartment. Without asking Heeseung any questions about it. 

But nothing stopped Sunghoon from making fun of him the whole way.

Words of encouragement were a mantra in the boy's mind who, with every step into the building where you lived, felt his whole body tremble. It was strange to be feeling this way, even more so for him who had never been this attached. Heeseung had never really thought that a girl could make him so nervous that he almost tripped over his own feet as he entered the elevator.

What could he say to you when he knocked on your door? That he wanted to see you? That would be something you wouldn't believe, even if it was the only truth he could tell you. 

It made Heeseung rethink everything he'd ever said to you and the way he'd treated you since he met you. He didn't mean to be rude and he knew that it was all a reflection of what he had experienced with his father's disagreements. You, unfortunately, were the only person around and he didn't want the sight of someone new coming into his house. Because the last person to come out from under that roof had made a huge stranger in his life.

Heeseung didn't want to give in to someone like you, who came so easily into the Lee family's life and won over even his mother. The way she talked to you, the way she treated you like a member of the family. Heeseung rolled his eyes every time his mother brought the same candies, but not just for him and Hajun, she brought them for you too. Or how affectionate she was with you when you were at his house, chatting like old friends and laughing at things he didn't understand. He didn't want to understand why his mother was so happy after finding out she had been betrayed while Heeseung was suffering and disgusted by his father's image.

It was something he hadn't understood until recently. Maybe all the answers were right in front of his eyes, he just didn't want to accept it yet. So he needed to throw his hands up in the air and knock on your door right then and there, and that's exactly what he did.

He didn't know how you would react and he didn't want to, just looking at you would be enough for him to smile and walk away. Maybe apologize and say some lame excuse the next day and hope you believed his words.

Heeseung heard footsteps from inside the apartment and some mumbling that you were already on your way, indicating that you weren't ready for visitors or were far enough away to answer the door. Apprehension gripped his entire body as he took a few steps closer to hear what was going on inside.

As soon as you opened it, finishing putting on one of the sleeves of your long coat, Heeseung's world seemed to stop right there.

You were beautiful. More beautiful than he'd ever seen you before. Sharing the same roof with you for a week when his mother went away gave him the right to see you in your pajamas practically every night, but he didn't know that you looked even more beautiful in light silk pajamas and wearing a wool coat to cover your exposed arms. 

"Heeseung?" your voice snapped him out of his thoughts as he looked at your face, the shock and curiosity screaming in your eyes making him feel euphoric. He didn't know what to say as he saw that you were still standing there, slightly startled by his presence.

He opened and closed his mouth for a few seconds to say something, but nothing seemed to come out. It was as if Heeseung had unlearned how to say anything because your gaze was making him shy.

When you took a step towards him, as if to get the attention of the boy in front of you, Heeseung didn't reason enough. He just raised one of his hands to touch the wool of your jacket and pulled you forward. The slow thud of your body against his made you let out a startled cry, which soon calmed down when Heeseung looked you in the eye.

"Jake gave me your address," he whispered "I needed to come here."

"Why?" your low voice sent all kinds of sensations through Heeseung's body and he wanted to be able to run away, but he limited himself. Squeezing his fingers against the wool of your jacket and loosening the fabric little by little.

"Because I want to talk to you, can we?" it was your time to deny it, tell him to go home and carry on without talking to Heeseung because a conversation with him would never end well.

But it wasn't like you to do anything you really should, so you gave him the go-ahead to enter your apartment and guide him to the sofa. Asking him to sit down before disappearing down the corridors. Just long enough for Heeseung to take off his jacket and put it on the armchair next to him, then sit down on the larger sofa and look around. Trying to get as many details as possible in case one day you asked him what he thought of your apartment.

Not that it mattered, he could say he'd need to go there more often to notice anything different. But remembering the first time you were here could be something useful and nice, perhaps.

"Here" you came back into the living room with a glass of water in your hands, walking over to the sofa where he was sitting and handing him the glass.

"Thanks" he said after taking the glass, drinking almost all the water in a matter of seconds. This was an indication of how nervous he still was after feeling your weight next to him on the sofa, the closest you'd been since the kiss you two had shared in the kitchen at his house.

Heeseung placed his glass on the coffee table and continued to stare at his own feet as he sighed slowly, clasping his hands together and playing with his fingers.

"My relationship with my father is the worst of all, and you've realized that haven't you?" you mumbled when he asked, albeit rhetorically, letting him continue his train of thought when he looked at you straight away "He cheated on my mother and ruined our family."

Oh. So that's why Heeseung was so harsh in his father's presence. And you couldn't understand how someone could betray Mrs. Lee, even if she was such an incredible woman.

"When my mother hired you, it was because she wanted to keep Hajun entertained most of the time and she knew I wouldn't be able to do that because I signed up for everything the university offered. Just so I wouldn't stay at home and have to deal with my father showing up."

Heeseung hated to lie that he had been neglectful to his younger brother about this, but he also couldn't risk bumping into his father and ending up fighting with the man in his younger brother's presence. That's when Mrs. Lee hired you as a nanny. Having someone to give the little one the attention that neither she nor Heeseung could be her priority. Someone you knew – even if you and Heeseung didn't speak to each other at the time – made the woman feel relieved because you seemed to have hit it off with the little one straight away.

"Seeing you integrate into the family made me feel angry because no one could like such a broken family with a false front" Heeseung was still looking at you, but his thoughts were a little more distant when he rambled "My mother wasn't happy when she hired you as a nanny. Hajun wasn't so happy when he met you and he only did it because my mother asked him to be nice to whoever was going to take care of him" a long sigh came from Heeseung's lips, looking away from you. "And I didn't accept that someone would be so nice to us because the last person who treated me, my brother, and my mother, so well, betrayed all of us."

You listened intently, seeing how broken Heeseung was inside your home. Opening his heart to you and asking for nothing in return.

He spoke for the first time about what it was like to have caught his father that night at the bar, how he felt the anger consume his body, and how he fought so many times until the man finally left the house. The divorce proceedings were kept under wraps because Hajun couldn't have known that something bad was going on, and your role was important in distracting him.

Heeseung admitted everything. And all the bad treatment he's given you since he met you was because he didn't know how to separate what was bad with his father, and that it shouldn't show to anyone. You wouldn't be like his father to anyone in the family, but amid the whole divorce process, you were there. Doing good for the Lee family without even knowing it.

And he didn't think he deserved it. I knew that Hajun deserved everything wonderful because he would spare his brother any bad feelings, but when you started being nice to Heeseung, he only knew how to be defensive. 

You weren't supposed to greet him every time you were at home, you weren't supposed to flash smiles in his direction, let alone wave after a short answer he gave. Heeseung was rude – even for no reason – and you were still nice to him. Or at least polite. He wanted to believe that it was out of pure politeness and because Hajun was almost always around.

"I know I was a complete idiot and you never deserved that anyway" he slid his hand up to rest on your knee, feeling the slow touch of your fingers against his. Hesitantly, you took Heeseung's hand to intertwine your fingers in each other's "And that day in my kitchen..."

"We don't— Don't need to talk about..."

"I want to talk about it" he interrupted you, squeezing your fingers lightly and looking at you. This forced you to look at him too and maintain eye contact as you listened to every word Heeseung had to say "It was the day I saw my father in the bar, I left very angry."

You wanted to ask why he had gone after his father because Heeseung liked to beat himself up about it. But perhaps that was a conversation for another time, his gaze was so intent on you that all you could think about was every word he said.

"When I got home and you were in the kitchen, arguing was so unbearable that I acted on impulse when I kissed you and..." Heeseung's gaze dropped to your mouth, his Adam's apple bobbing with a dry gulp as he swallowed his saliva nervously "I didn't regret it, because I wanted it again."

"You—"

"I don't know what you did, Y/n, but I can't stop thinking about that day" neither can I, you wanted to answer, but hearing you say everything without a hint of pressure was wonderful. Maybe you'd confess later, but hearing his confession first was much better "You make me nervous, and want to kiss you every time we're near each other."

It was your turn to swallow. Heeseung was still staring at your mouth as if he were mesmerized by every detail of your lips when he felt your hand break away from his and go to the face next to you. You pulled him by the chin and felt Heeseung's breath against your skin from the sudden contact.

"We're too close now, what can you do?" you whispered.

He knew very well what to do and he wasn't going to waste any more time as he had done in previous weeks. Heeseung allowed his lips to touch yours slowly, but showing the urgency he had to feel you like that again.

You completely surrendered to the moment of having to kiss Heeseung again, this time knowing the exact moment when he asked for permission to enter your mouth with his tongue and how much slower his lips were now. Each movement was well appreciated as his hands slid down to your waist and yours ran to the back of his neck. Pulling Heeseung close, almost as if he wanted to fuse him against your body. And he would certainly do that if necessary.

But all he did was lay you back against the sofa while still maintaining the slow rhythm of the kiss, sighing against your lips as you spread your legs to accommodate Heeseung's body between them. It was a scene from heaven to be there again and in a slightly better position than sitting on a kitchen worktop. Heeseung could have sworn he cried in the middle of that kiss at being so close to you again.

Like a memory from last time, as soon as you both felt the need for air and he slid his mouth over yours, a moan came out of his throat. As sly as if he was really inside you when Heeseung kissed a specific spot on your neck.

That sound triggered something in him that, at the same moment, Heeseung pressed his hips against yours so that you could feel the full effect that just one kiss had on him.

"Hee..." you whispered as he returned with kisses all over your skin until he reached your earlobe, nibbling the skin slowly before aligning his face with yours again.

"You wouldn't be able to stop me now, would you?" he whispered back, kissing your mouth as slowly as he moved his hips against yours. It was torturous and at the same time sensual to feel Heeseung's tongue slide against yours at the same pace as he pressed his hard cock between your legs.

You moaned once more, anchoring your legs and holding his body there. Helping with the pressure and making him moan this time, biting his lower lip to break the kiss.

"You're going to be the death of me, Y/n" he gasped as he looked into your eyes. The fucking beautiful expression with the disheveled hair and droopy eyes, red mouth and chest rising and falling to normalize breathing.

"My room isn't too far from here" you pulled him back to you, feeling his lips hover over yours. Heeseung's smile widened even more.

"Good" he sealed his lips to yours "I haven't stopped wondering how this would end since the day I kissed you in that damn kitchen."

He wrapped his arms around you, lifting you off the sofa to pick you up and carry you to your room with your instructions along the way. 

Heeseung just didn't know that you were also thinking about it, about to unravel all that thought.

© ikeuverse, 2024. do not copy, translate or steal my stories.

#enhypen smut #heeseung smut #enhypen #enhypen fluff #heeseung fluff #enha smut #heeseung #enha fics #lee heeseung #enhypen heeseung #heeseung x reader #enhypen x reader #enhypen masterlist #lee heeseung fluff #lee heeseung smut #heeseung fanfics #lee heeseung x reader #heeseung imagines

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Would I be the asshole if I refused to pay my phone bill?

📱🧾♿️ <- To recognize my post for later :)

The title is probably already a bit of a red flag, but I genuinely didn’t know how else to word it…

For context: I am a disabled, chronically and mentally ill trans guy who recently turned 20. I haven’t left home yet for a lot of reasons, some being that my parents promised to let me live rent-free so long as I was in college (which I am, just not currently for the summer) as well as the fact that they really haven’t raised me to be very independent and rely solely on them (which is honestly a whole other can of worms), but primarily because of my disability. It isn’t safe for me to live on my own, as I faint commonly, cannot stand up for more than maybe fifteen minutes at a time roughly, and sometimes am unable to eat for long periods of time due to debilitating nausea which leads to weakness. I also have severe chronic pain in my limbs and gut, something I’ve had most of my life, while my chronic illness I’ve only had for about a year and a half now and am still struggling to adjust to.

Because of my disability, I also can’t work a traditional job. I offer art commissions online, because I’m very passionate about art and it’s one of the few things I’m good at, and I haul in a decent amount, but certainly not enough to live off of. I make enough to set aside some good savings (I’m currently saving for a wheelchair, as that might grant me more freedom and the potential to get a job at least for the summer) while also indulging myself in buying the occasional fatty treat (I’m very underweight so that’s not an issue, and I was raised essentially in an almond mom household all my life, so this form of eating is really the only sense of control I have over my life, as I’m fully dependent on my parents elsewise).

The issue has come upon relatively recently. I feel like a huge entitled brat for it as well, and if others believe the same, I sincerely don’t blame you.

My mom sat me down the other day and said that she expected me to start paying at least one bill. She offered my cheapest bill (which would be for my phone; my parents bought it, and it’s theirs, they’re just letting me use it as my own.. I don’t own a whole lot of “my” items myself) and asked what I thought about that. I was fully honest with her: if I had a steady stream of income, I wouldn’t hesitate to offer to pay for all of my bills, but with the way it stands, I just don’t make enough month-to-month to regularly afford the bill. I also do my commissions through my phone, so if I could afford the bill, my phone would be turned off, and I’d be unable to continue.

My mom got very upset and started talking to me like a child (though she really has every right to, honestly, and I know that). She went on a very long rant about teaching me responsibility, and how I can’t rely on my parents forever, and that I need to grow up at some point… All things that I fully agree with. I sincerely want to! I want nothing more than to be fully independent. But the way it stands, my parents cover my entire medical bills and they pay for my meds… And I just don’t make enough to survive on my own, and I can just barely afford a meal or two from a sandwich shop I enjoy twice a month to keep my sanity in check because I’m usually bedbound.

I tried explaining to her that I would if I could, sincerely, and that I’m not trying to be a leech or lazy, but she wasn’t having it. She just scolded me and said that if I can afford to eat out every month, then I can afford the phone bill. But again, with the way things are, I don’t think I’d be able to do it every month without tapping into my savings, which again, is for my wheelchair so I can regain some sense of freedom for myself. I’m seriously debating just telling her no straight out, but I don’t know what the aftermath might look like…

So, sincerely: Am I in the wrong here? Should I just swallow my protests and cough up the money somehow? I really don’t know and would love an outside perspective.

#aita #am i the asshole

[r0-boat]

could i request satan beelzebub amon and gamigin(+ anyone you want ofc) comforting/reacting to when gn mc is on their period? i feel like gamigin might freak out if he can recognize the smell of blood bc its just "blood??human??blood on human??where??heal??but they look fine??heal??" before asking his brothers what the fuck is going on 😭 i dont think he's interacted with a human before so i doubt he's heard of one especially since devils cant have kids with other devils so i doubt they have them.

Ayye what a perfect time to write this because I'm on my period.

Satan Beelzebub Amon +Gamigin with s/o on their period.

Sfw cutting for length

Satan

Stressed out with you, You're in pain and he doesn't like seeing you in pain. How dare your human body cause you pain and make you bleed?! He will rip out your uterus if it doesn't kill you(He does not understand human anatomy) instead to take out his anger he just rips up more stuffed animals.

Thinks The concept of you bleeding out of your uterus is cool but would never tell you. Is the one chasing away all the demons because you want to be left alone.

"babe at the store What size coochie you wear."

Beelzebub

Gladly will carry you around all day. Knows all your favorite snacks, So he'll barge into your room and just dump them all on you.

Shows up, gives you more things to eat, and then leaves. Only to show up again later, give you pillows and blankets, and then leave again.

You're unsure if it's some kind of demon instinct because it doesn't matter how many blankets you have. He'll just show up with more until you effectively have a nest of pillows and blankets, and he'll still keep coming back.

Amon

You mean an excuse for you to cuddle him all day and lay in bed with him? Sign him the fuck up. Well happily lay with you in the joint nest of pillows and blankets that Beel has gotten for you.

Probably will be constantly kicked out because you need privacy as you go through pain but somehow he always comes back in.

"please don't kick me out again I can be useful; I just want to cuddle 🥺👉👈"

Gamigin

*fearful Dragon noises* smell blood but where is it?! Had a human anatomy lesson from Lucifer. He stays by your side because even though it is normal for you to bleed once no month he kind of feels very uncomfortable knowing that you are bleeding and he isn't doing something about it.

He'll make sure you're fully comfortable, he want massage your aching muscles and make sure you have everything you need.

"Lucifer said if I want to stop the bleeding I have to get you pregnant after your cycle :)"

#whb x reader #what in hell is bad #whb #wihib #whb satan #whb amon #whb gamigin #whb beel

[unstablenoodle]

Just graduated, and I’ve been dragging myself by my hair through the last 4 years. here’s advice if you’re new to college:

Basic advice:

Make friends in your lectures. You will know some of those people all four years, and some of them are better at this than you. You’re still capable, but there’s always a bigger fish and you should make that fish into a study buddy

Get a job at a food court/ campus restaurant. You get a free meal, which might be your only one for the day if you don’t have a meal plan. Work can also be a mental break from academics.

Abuse office hours. Annoy your TA. make them scared to see you. TA’s are tired grad students and you won’t have a formal relationship with them: they are students too.

Study advice:

Flash cards are for review and rote learning only. 15-30 minute power review sessions for things you already know. If you’re going over familiar shit, do it in short, repetitive bursts.

Be the bitch with annoying decorative notes. Make it a game, it’ll force you to look at the material more. I will say though, make sure you decorate with purpose.

Those friends you made in lecture? That’s where you get the big studying done. If you’re going for a higher 4 hour long study sesh, bring other people. They know things you don’t and vice versa, so you can fill in the gaps for each other. This type of studying is for unfamiliar or confusing material.

Big study sessions usually only happen a couple weeks out from exams at most. Before exams, your homework is your main means of studying.

Just go to the lecture. I don’t care if it’s at 7:30 am, go. Participation points could be the difference between a B and a C.

TI-84 graphing calculator

Pub chem

If a professor, for some ungodly reason, says you aren’t allowed to work on the homework with other people, fuck that guy.

Your $168.99 textbook is likely a free PDF online.

Date someone who fills in your gaps. I dated an engineer I met in a physics class and it worked beautifully.

Mental health (my advice on this is very specific):

Basic advice: drink water regularly, eat vegetables, exercise. You know all this.

Stay far, far away from any substance called a “study buddy” or something like that

Get a hobby. Actually. Something to do in your free time to keep you from going insane. I personally like knitting and drawing, but it can be anything. I’d say avoid something involving technology because it’s easy to fall into that for hours at a time. Do something that engages your hands and your brain. You might not be creative, but creativity is good for you. Your painting looks like shit? The benefits you have reaped from its creation are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Good job.

If you are having any kind of hallucination (visual, auditory, presence, etc.), seek professional help immediately. I have lived half my life with the feeling of eyes on me and the presence of people who aren’t actually there and never tried to fix it because I could “work around it.” Just go get help. Hallucinations can also be a symptom of neurological issues and physical illness.

OCD and disorders involving psychosis are aggravated by stress. Your classes will stress you out. Disorders like this are scary and debilitating, so you absolutely need to be in therapy, possibly on medication. They also tend to be episodic, so you may have periods of recovery where your life quality improves. Do NOT be fooled: you still need to be in therapy even if you feel good. Preventative measures are the best measures!!

Social:

Get a job. Work friends are funnier and way more entertaining than any other kind of friend

I recommend a group of 2-4 people you chill with regularly. Movie night with them once a week (barring exam weeks and extenuating circumstances)

Talk with your roommates at least occasionally. It’s no fun living with total strangers.

Do not start smoking cigarettes. A lot of people are repulsed by the smell and it clings to you.

Hygiene. Mainly you should smell good. You don’t have to go crazy with an expensive perfume/ cologne, but shower and always have a decent scent. Also try not to wear stained clothes.

Not sure how useful this is, but it’s the first thing I could think of. I’ll come back and edit if I think of more.

#studybrl #studyspo #university #college #studyinspo

[fandomlurker333]

A lot of people are screaming throuple and just writing the porn (which I get! It’s fun!). But reading them come is not enough for me. lol Toxicity is hot until it’s just damaging and sad for everyone. I want real happiness for these three weirdos.

The end of the film was meant to be the very beginning of something. Just the spark of an idea of them coming back to one another. But the real work starts after. 

And I think it would probably be a step-by-step thing. 

I can see Patrick and Art working to draw closer, with that strong foundation of their childhoods to build off of. Obviously having to resolve the hurt that so much time and distance caused them, and both being willing to forgive. But it’s clear at the end of the film that the door is open for that. They grew up together. There’s a real root of knowing that I think could carry them through the toughest parts early on. Their relationship evolving feels possible.

And Tashi and Art’s marriage would find some breathing room and maybe even some renewed delight for having Patrick present and loving on them both. Kinda seeing each other again through his eyes type thing. Remembering they’re more than who they have been to each other for over a decade (both operating in one mode to survive, never quite enough for each other -- not totally fulfilled and not appreciated in their fullness).

I don’t think Patrick and Tashi would be having sex at this point, but I can see like….tennis dates where they bicker. Just them all learning how to be in each other’s space for extended periods of time and enjoy it.

And maybe Art wouldn’t resent Tashi so much for not being able to give him everything (so much has been taken from her — she just doesn’t have all that much left. She’s been doing her best.) and maybe Tashi would feel more at peace seeing them play each other and knowing Art is really loving tennis, not just playing for her. Connecting with them both in that space and finding joy in tennis again, so it’s not just routine and pain and loss for her.

With that healing happening concurrently (with therapists as support, of course), I think they’d get far. And then once those relationships are more secure, once Art and Tashi learn how they relate to each other when he isn’t winning for her (which would be something new. They don’t know what that looks like yet!) then Patrick and Tashi, having learned way more about themselves in relationship and how to communicate, might start working on their side of the triangle lol. 

I could see them all exploring and working out the intimacy over time — not just sex, but intimacy -- what do they each need and how do they need it? And kink too, the various ways they each want/need to give or receive so they all feel truly satisfied.

And of course they’ll be partners co-parenting. All of them.

I can see Tashi finally grieving her injury, the life she lost, and rediscovering her love of tennis, not to win, but for the joy of being on the court. Her sobs the first time she plays again and it’s not competitively, just a little volley, but it’s like she’s finally alive again. Reminding herself she’s a leader in tennis the space still, that she can build success in that world even without Art’s career, but maybe it looks different. I see a healed Tashi learning to enjoy teaching kids. Taking on more protege. And letting Art and Patrick come help at her tennis camps. 

Art retiring like he said he wanted, running the foundation as Tashi steps back. Realizing that he’s actually pretty good at this business thing and going back to school for a Master’s in nonprofit leadership. Meeting new people. Making friends (that aren’t Patrick). Getting invited to a pottery class and seeing he loves to work with his hands. Playing tennis with Patrick on the weekends.

And my heart for stay-at-home dad Patrick. Who always forgets to change over the laundry and leaves his keys everywhere and puts the babies' shoes on the wrong feet. But my god he loves those kids so goddamn much. Patrick learning to cook for the family and getting really good at it like he does anything he hyper-focuses on. Patrick finally having a home with the two people he loves most and figuring out how to create some routine and stability for himself within that container.

The love in that home. Ugh. I think it’s possible! I think they can do it! It just takes work. 

#challengers #a TRUE throuple #patrick zweig #tashi duncan #art donaldson #I need a fic that does THIS #Cause the fucking is the easy part #artrick #patrick x tashi #tashi x art #artashi #art x patrick x tashi #ot3 #if tashi and patrick could actually communicate #and if art and tashi figure out their shit furreal #musings

[la-petite-lapin]

Double the Love | Part Ten

Double the Love masterlist

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Johnny "Soap" MacTavish x female civilian!OC Word Count: 3.0k (whew) Series warnings (may change between chapters): 18+ Minors DNI, angst, mentions of death, mentions of violence, swearing, OC has anxiety, suggestive content, allusions to sex, polyamory, M/M/F

Gaz and Price find out

The week passes without incident. If anything, it's perfect.

During the day, I go to work. In the evenings, I come home to the two most perfect men in the world. Dinner is cooked - the table laid and the dishes washed - and I have a night of snuggling with my favourite people to look forward to.

Come the arrival of the weekend, our plans with the taskforce have been adjusted slightly. After a text exchange with Gaz, we've arranged a trip to a nice beer garden near his parents' house instead of them all coming to the apartment. He seemed a little confused at first, but didn't push his questioning any further when I told him that I needed to talk to John about something.

Something that I thought would be better raised on neutral ground.

Every waking hour this past week, I've been agonising over what to say to John - planning a way to tell him about my relationship with the boys. Now that I know it's not just a fling or a bit of fun for them, it's made me re-evaluate things. Above all else, I need him to know.

Johnny is on the cusp of making a full recovery and if - when - him and Simon get pulled back into active duty, I need John to keep them safe for me. I know that he'd lay down his life to protect them already - they're his boys, after all - but I want him to know just how important they are to me. That and, in all the time that I've known him, I've never been able to keep anything hidden from him for long.

The last thing I want is to blurt it out at the worst possible time later on down the line.

Even as we're driving to the beer garden, I'm jittery with nerves, twisting the oversized sleeve of my cardigan around and around over my fist. Every once and a while, Si tears his eyes away from the road ahead to shoot me a worried glance. Johnny's been kind enough to pretend not to notice, chattering away as a form of distraction from his seat in the back, leaning over the centre console to stay included.

Not that he's missing much. I've barely spoken since we woke up this morning.

Both of them know how important this is to me. How important it is that everything goes right. That I tell John first.

Ever since Alex died, John has been there for me. He stepped up like a second father, having a hand in raising me despite the fact that I was already way past my formative years when we met.

Hence my worry.

I'm about to tell the man who I view as a father that I'm sleeping with not one, but two of his best soldiers. People who Gaz - even though he meant well - has told me that he views as a second family. And I can't help but worry that this might all be too much for him. That it might damage my relationship with him in some fundamental, irreparable way, or worse - that it might put a strain on his relationship with the boys.

"Stop fussing about something that hasn't even happened yet, love," Simon says from the driver's seat, voice deep and full of gravel as usual.

It looks like the grace period has ended then.

"How are you not nervous?" I bite back. It's impossible to keep the edge out of my voice, and I immediately regret snapping at him.

Logically, I know that it's not their fault I'm so anxious, but I can't help getting defensive.

There's so much going on - so many small things that are shifting around to accommodate this new, massive change in my life. It's things that I hadn't even thought about before; stupid stuff like trying to plan dates, navigating how to introduce them to people, and doing things as a three that would normally only involve two people. Previously insignificant things that now feel like a field of landmines, formerly a peaceful meadow that I didn't even have to think about. That I took for granted.

"What's got ye so pent up, lassie?" Johnny asks softly. His hand reaches out from the backseat, the warm, familiar weight of it coming to rest on my shoulder.

I lean into his touch, allowing myself to bask in the casual display of affection for a moment before letting out a pitiful huff.

"Everything."

"Explain."

"I... I-" Be honest. "John might hate me after this. He might think that I set out to make this happen; that I'm compromising the integrity of your taskforce by being with you the way I am. By being a distraction. And he might... he might see me differently when he finds out about the three of us being together." I can sense Simon gearing up to protest in my peripheral vision, so I stare straight ahead through the windscreen as I carry on, unwavering. "And then there's the fact that Winnie is going to be home from France soon, and you're going to leave and go back to work. You won't even let me go to the barracks, so when you're between deployments we'll have to live under Winnie's feet - which isn't fair to her or us. And it's going to kill me inside when you go no contact... what if I really need to talk to you and you aren't available? And I won't be able to make it better by talking to John either, because he'll be gone too, or he won't be talking to me..."

My rambling comes to an abrupt halt; palms clammy as I desperately gulp down a breath of fresh air. The car is silent save for the faint hum of the engine. Johnny's fingers lightly squeeze my shoulder, offering some much-needed reassurance. The contact grounds me; centres my thoughts.

"Well," Si began, clearing his throat. I might have been imagining it, but I could've sworn that there was a subtle shake to his voice. A hint of nervousness. "Maybe the three of us could look for a place together? Close enough to the apartment that you can visit Winslow whenever you want."

My heart grew two sizes inside my chest.

The steely, aloof Simon "Ghost" Riley himself was suggesting that we get a place of our own. A home. Something that the two of them never had before now. Before me.

It takes a considerable effort on my part not to tear up, especially as I spot the road marker for the beer garden on the narrow country lane up ahead.

"You would do that for me?" I ask, tone brimming with barely-contained emotion.

Simon nods, indicating right and easing the car into the car park. Once we're parked up, the engine switched off and stationary, he turns to look over his shoulder at Johnny. I watch them; the look that they share loaded with such love and mutual understanding.

It's not like it was before. I don't feel that undercurrent of jealousy that I used to - there's no cold, ugly thing clawing inside my chest. No; I know that I'm included in that affection. I'm not an outsider anymore.

And it makes me feel ashamed.

Ashamed for getting so caught up in how everyone else might perceive this. Ashamed for being self-conscious of something so beautiful and pure and sweet that the three of us share.

"'ah think we should all get on the internet tonight and start lookin'," Johnny adds, running the calloused pad of his thumb along the dip of my collarbone. "Start gettin' some viewings booked in. I don't know how much longer I'm gonna be on injury leave for, lassie, and I'll be happier knowing that we're all set up before Si and I leave."

"I've already marked some places for you two to look at," a gravelly voice with a Manchester accent states.

My head whips around to Simon and the jerk of Johnny's hand on my shoulder tells me that he's done the same. Sure enough, Simon's cheeks and ears are tinged with a fierce blush, hazel eyes refusing to directly meet my gaze.

When he notices our attention, he looks up, scowling at both of us. "What?"

Johnny laughs, only earning him an even sharper glare and a growled oh fuck off.

"There's nothing wrong with it, Si," I say, trying to keep the amusement out of my tone in case he thinks I'm laughing at him. Because that went down so well last time. "It's cute."

Si's expression turns deadpan as he looks at me.

Admittedly, that may have been the wrong thing to say to him - my 6'7, scar-flecked army lieutenant.

Hoping to quell some of that ire, I unbuckle my seatbelt and lean forward in my seat, closing the distance between us in to press a sweet, lingering kiss to his lips. If anything, it only makes him blush harder.

Johnny whines from the back. "Where's mine? 'ah do adorable shit all the time."

Before he can complain any more, I lean back over the centre console and kiss him too. But - ever the crafty one - he snakes a hand around the back of my neck, tangling his fingers into the loose strands of my hair and angling my head as he deepens the kiss.

Ignoring the impatient huff from Si, Johnny presses something - a button hidden along the edge of my chair - and the backrest thuds down, landing on the vacant seat beside him. With strong hands and practiced ease, the Scotsman hauls me from the front passenger side and onto his lap. Calloused hands find purchase on my thighs as I scramble to straddle him.

Every worry melts away as Johnny's warm, rough hands slip under the skirt of my summer dress, blunt nails raking over the skin of my ass and hips, sending a shiver skittering down my spine. I groan, arching into him - savouring the moment.

"Can't you do this later?" Simon grumbles. My head snaps over my shoulder to see him, watching us intently, eyes hazed with that far-away, hungry look that he gets whenever he's turned on.

"Jealous because you can't fit back here too?" I ask teasingly, punctuating it with a drawn-out grind of my hips against the front of Johnny's faded jeans.

Johnny whines and Simon's eyes flare with the challenge.

"Trust me, I can," he managed with gritted teeth. Just as he unclips his seatbelt - expression filled with lustful promise - his phone pings with a message alert. One quick glance has him groaning for an entirely different reason that Johnny. "We'll finish this tonight at home. Gaz said Price is wondering where we are."

I swallow, all of that worry tumbling back in without the promise of Johnny and Simon to distract me.

"Fucksake!" Johnny complains, lifting his hands to drag them down his face. "Yer tellin' me 'm gonna have to look my boss in the eye, telling him 'm fuckin' Tali with a tent in my trousers?"

Simon grins, a wicked, brutal thing. "Yep. And I'm going to be smiling the whole time."

Gaz has good taste.

I thought the beer garden would just be a bog-standard grass-and-some-benches type of thing, but I'm pleasantly surprised by the sight waiting for us when we step out of the open patio doors at the side of the pub. Half of the space is decked, with a railing and steps leading down to a semi-circle of wooden, shed-like structures, housing tables with built-in benches. There are still normal tables, scattered around in the open space with large, white parasols to offer shade from the blaring sun, but I can't see John or Gaz amongst the people there.

"They're in shed number five apparently," Simon supplies, sliding his phone into his back pocket. He points in the direction of a shed off to the side, the wooden siding painted a mockingly cheerful shade of yellow.

I look to him and Johnny in turn before making my best attempt at schooling my features into a smile. The flash of concern in Johnny's eyes is enough to tell me that it looks as pitiful as it feels.

Placing those large hands of his on my shoulders, he smiles down at me. I want to kiss him, but I know that Gaz and John have probably already seen us - watching from the open doorway of the shed. It's a risk I can't afford to take right now.

"Lassie," Johnny says in his most soothing voice, hands running up and down the lengths of my arms before stopping at my wrists, lacing my fingers with his. "You'll be fine. We'll be there the whole time; we won't leave ya alone out there." Then, ducking down until his lips brush against the shell of my ear, he adds, "We'll make it up to ye tonight."

When he pulls away, a smug, cocky half-smile on his face, I'm blushing furiously - cheeks burning with heat.

Si takes one look at me and lets out an exasperated sigh. "Brilliant. Can you two not keep it in your pants for five minutes? Behave, children."

With that, he marches off ahead, leaving us to trail behind at a much more leisurely pace. A few feet away from the doorway to the bright yellow shed, I untangle my fingers from Johnny's, wanting to keep some sense of normalcy for just a little while before I have to break the news.

A quiet, cowardly part of me wants one of the boys to do it for me - even though we all agreed that it was better coming from me.

Sucking in another deep breath, I relax my face and step into the shed behind Johnny. Gaz and John are on one side the table, Simon and Johnny naturally slotting in beside one another on the other. Before I can sit down next to John - the side where there is slightly more space - Johnny grabs onto my hand, guiding me down into the tiny gap between him and the shed wall.

I giggle as he jostles himself, bumping his hip against Si's repeatedly in an attempt to give me some more room, and I look up just in time to catch the tail-end of a glance between John and Gaz. My throat dries out.

"So... how are the ribs healing, Soap?" John asks, dark eyes homing in on the Scotsman.

Johnny squirms in his seat. "Yeah. I guess they're healing just fine, Captain. I've been doing all the exercises physio 've told me to do."

"And he's had this one at his beck and call," Simon adds, nodding his head in my direction. He's wearing a black surgical mask to conceal the lower half of his face, but I can tell by the crinkles at the corners of his eyes that he's smiling. "Perfect little nurse, she is."

I grumble, wanting desperately to hit him. "Ironic, given you're the one with the nurse outfit."

There's a pause as Gaz breaks down, his silent, shaking laughter devolving into a full-blown laughing fit. John tries in vain to hide his mouth behind his hand, but the quivering of his broad shoulders betrays his own amusement.

He looks up, offering me a kind smile. It's so warm that it makes my chest ache. "I'm... I'm not even going to ask," the stoic captain says.

"It's not a nurse outfit," Si protests, deadpan.

I flash him a saccharine sweet - if slightly vicious - smile. "Of course. Whatever you say, Nurse Riley."

He's bright red now. If he were any more embarrassed, he'd be steaming from the ears. "Johnny thought that it would be a funny joke gift for..."

"Don't ye worry, love," Johnny says, joining in on the light-hearted ribbing with zero remorse, "we won't judge ye."

We carry on laughing, joking around with one another. Gaz talks about his family and John tells the boys about something that someone they work with - a woman called Kate - told him the other week. Something about an upcoming mission that they might be assigned.

Before long, Johnny announces to the table that he's thirsty, making me stand up so that he and Si can clamber out of the shed. Despite his protests, they drag Gaz out with them too - insisting that they need a hand carrying the drinks back out. Which is bullshit.

I look up at John. For the first time all day, we're alone.

It's now or never.

"John... there's something that I've been wanting to talk to you about," I start, voice shaking slightly. I can hear my heartbeat thumping in my ears as my fight or flight response kicks in; my skin feeling too tight over my bones.

Immediately, there's a look of concern forms on his face, his brow lowering and making him look every bit his age. "What's wrong? I knew you seemed too quiet - have the boys said something to upset you?"

I shake my head firmly. "No. They haven't done anything. It's- um, it's something that I've done, actually."

Instead of asking any more questions, John just sits back, head resting against the wooden siding as he watches me with those dark, observant eyes. It reminds me of the day we first met - when he came to tell me about Alex; the way that he just sat and watched. The way he listened.

"I'm seeing Johnny."

John's face lights up with a look of complete and utter surprise.

"And Simon."

His jaw slackens. After a moment of stumbling over his words, he says, "Oh... okay."

Now it's my turn to be confused. "Okay?" I repeat slowly, turning the words over in my mouth.

He nods. "Okay."

My eyes narrow. "What does that mean?"

John lets out something between a sigh and an exhale, lifting a hand to rub his temples. A beat of silence passes. Then another. "Tali, I trust your judgement. Have done ever since I got to know you," he says, every word measured and considered, spoken in that low, soft voice of his. "You're a smart woman; you know what you're doing. Acting like you don't... that would be doing you a disservice. And I know the boys. It'd take a very special person to get them to open up, and - if anyone - I think that person would be you."

My chest squeezes.

Acceptance. This is acceptance.

Not hatred, or disgust, or anger.

"I... thank you, John," I say, my voice coming out as barely more than a whisper. Heat pricks at my eyes. "You have no idea how much that means to me."

John's eyes glitter. "You can tell me anything, kid. Nothing you say will ever change anything between us."

When Johnny and Simon return with Gaz and two trays of drinks not even five minutes later, I'm tucked into John's side, his arm wrapped tightly around my shoulders as I sniffle into his t-shirt.

"Everything alright?" Simon asks, eyes locked onto my tear-stained face.

I beam up at him, flashing him the widest, brightest grin I can muster. Feeling lighter than I have for a while now, I say, "Everything's perfect." Turning my attention to Gaz, I add, "Hey, Gaz?"

Slotting himself into the seat beside me, he swipes a pint off of the tray and hums in acknowledgement.

"I'm in a relationship with Johnny. And Simon."

Gaz hums again. "Figures."

Simon leans forward then, eyes practically popping out of his head. "What do you mean figures?"

He snorts out a laugh and, with a playful glimmer in those big dark eyes, he says, "Well, it would take a saint to put up with a grumpy old bastard like you. And Tali's no saint. So I figured she was getting some pretty good dick to-"

"That'll do," Simon barks, putting a swift end to that line of thought.

When the rest of us finally stop laughing, we settle in to enjoy our drinks and soak up an afternoon in the sun.

a/n: hey guys! so this was it: our longest chapter yet :) in the next few days, I'm going to be making some changes to the layout of this account - adding a navigation page in preparation for releasing some other non-Double the Love content etc etc. - see you again very soon, lapetitelapin :)

#cod #cod fanfic #ghoap x reader #fanfic #simon “ghost” riley x reader #soap x reader #callofduty #cod x reader #ghost x reader #ghost x reader x soap #female reader #oc #johnny mactavish x reader #johnny x reader x simon #angst #fluff #romance #johnny soap mactavish x reader #simon riley x reader #double the love

[vibratingskull]

You reopen your request! You must be drowning with requests.

Can I ask for Thrawn xF!reader.

Reader Is born mute, and because of their she had been tormented by her father for a very long time, and because of this she doesn't trust men.

Thrawn falls in love with her and gains her trust, helping her heal. Maybe eventually smut?or just some fluff?

I do have a good number of them indeed ! I will do my best to honor them all!

Thrawn x F!reader

Tags : Non-speaking reader, abusive and violent past, little hurt/a lot of comfort, tooth rotting fluff

You recoil in fear... 

You can hear the footsteps approaching and the sound of the belt. You can still feel its bites on your skin the last time he used it! You cover your ears, knee pressed against your chest, trying to squeeze in your hiding spot. 

If only you could scream and alert the neighbors... 

“I know you are hiding around here (Y/n). If you go out now I promise not to be too harsh on you...” Your father calls walking in the room you are in. 

Don’t open the closet. Don’t open the closet. Don’t open the clos- 

“There you are you useless little...!” 

You wake up in a split second, breathless and sweating. 

Another nightmare... 

You sigh, they have been recurrent lately. It’s the stress. You are in a new campaign with new enemies. New battlefields and risk of dying... 

But you knew what you signed up for by enlisting in the Navy, trying to escape your violent father. But he kept following you in your dreams. 

You rise from your bed. It is not time for your shift but you won’t be able to sleep for the rest of the night. Might as well rise early. 

Grand Admiral Thrawn asked your help for a task anyway... 

----------------------------------------------------  

You focus on your datapad. 

This art piece should go in this section, while this one goes there... 

Your mind is focused on your task, categorizing art pieces for Grand Admiral Thrawn for his next campaign. Usually, he does it himself but he picked up on your knowledge of the region’s art and asked you for help. 

You don’t mind, it’s easy for you. 

His art collection has extended lately, a lot of presents and auctions won. But mostly a lot of holographic ones that you need to categorize by species, civilizations, time periods, and planets. 

“A cup of caff, Senior Lieutenant?” A melodious voice rises behind your back making you jump. 

Thrawn appears slightly amused by your reaction. When did he enter the storage room? 

“You should learn to focus without sacrificing your awareness of your surroundings, (F/n).” He preaches, handing you a fuming cup. 

Oh... That is nice of him to bring you a hot drink. You take the cup, bowing down your head in gratitude. You lift the cup to your lips, black with the lightest touch of sweetener as you love it. 

“While you are here, Senior Lieutenant, I need your expertise on some signs I learned recently.” He asks, his amused expression letting place to his professional demeanor. 

One thing you are grateful for is that Grand Admiral Thrawn is actually taking the time to learn sign language. You do not always have the occasion or the time to type your words in your datapad to express yourself and he started learning to understand your signing. 

Until now he was the only one to do it. 

“What does this sign signify?” He asks, signing. 

You take your datapad and type something on it, and a mechanical voice rises from the speakers. 

 [Iridescent] 

He signs another one. 

You frown, wrinkling your nose. 

[You are a pagoda?] 

He modifies his sign. You smile, understanding what he means. 

[Assertion] 

He nods, satisfied with the addition to his vocabulary.  

Every day he takes an hour off his packed schedule to describe some art pieces to you to practice his signing and you correct him, showing him the good signs or formulation. He made spectacular progress in very little time, sometimes signing entire conversations with you while speaking the words out loud. You spent a lot of time discussing art and enjoying virtual expositions during some of his really rare times off. 

Art is one of the only comforts you had for decades and discovering that your Grand Admiral shared your admiration really helped you relax around him. 

Because Marker’s know how distrusting of men you are... 

You sign ‘Thank you.’ 

“Why?” He tilts his head. 

‘For learning the language, little people bother with it.’ 

“I need to be able to communicate with all of my officers at any given time. And a new language, whatever it is, is always useful.” He speaks and signs. 

You nod with a thankful smile. 

You quite like this man. 

He is one of the very, very few you are comfortable with. 

But since Commander Vanto disappeared out of nowhere, everyone has been on edge. You too, to be frank, but you were more worried about your reckless colleagues than the Grand Admiral. A lot were prone to judge him guilty for that disappearance, that he executed Vanto in some way... 

To you, it didn’t make any sense.  

At the depth of your being you know Vanto found his path and Thrawn didn’t endanger the life of his commander! 

But that’s just a you thing, no one would take you seriously here. 

You look up at Grand Admiral Thrawn, looking at his datapad, sorting his own list of art. He looks nothing like your tormentor, so much so that you have difficulties imagining them being part of the same category of person. 

Your father was an Army officer and wanted a son. 

But he got a non-speaking daughter. 

And you pay the price since then... 

You thought that going into the Navy he would look at you with pride for the first time in your life. 

No. 

To him, you were only good to marry off. 

So you packed and left. He didn’t try to stop you.  

You have been wary of any male approaching you since then. From the brutes to the ones aroused by your speech impairment you navigate life avoiding men and problems. Of course, once on an Imperial ship, you could never truly avoid them. Thanks to the Maker men's and women’s quarters are separated. Even today your two other roommates are women and you are thankful for that. 

“A problem, Senior Lieutenant (F/n)?” Thrawn’s voice resonates in the room. 

You blink, realizing that he is looking at you and that you are still fixing him intently. He must have felt your gaze on him. You shake your head and sign ‘Nothing’ and ‘Sorry.’ 

His gaze is clear and inquisitive, gauging you up and down. 

“All is well.” He answers enigmatically. 

He is aloof and professional as always but you don’t feel him... displeased? Like he truly is unbothered. You lower your gaze to your screen, he is patient with you but no need to push his buttons uselessly! 

“I did not expect to see you this early.” He continues mundanely, focused on the hologram projected on his screen “Your shift is not supposed to start before four hours, why sacrificing your sleep?” 

You breathe deeply and type on your datapad. 

[Nightmares] 

His gaze travels from his datapad to you, looking deep into your soul with his burning gaze. His face is neutral but a flicker of emotions seems to flash in his gaze before disappearing just as quickly. 

“I understand.” He nods with a grave expression. “We are all grappling with our demons, you are not alone with fears.” 

Is he... trying to comfort you? Why would he do that? 

[Do you have nightmares too, Grand Admiral Thrawn?] You cannot help but ask. 

He seems to think about it for a little moment. For a second you are afraid he will take offense to you prying into his personal life, 

“In some ways. I can have unpleasant dreams like everyone else. This is the lot of warriors and those who set high goals for themself.” He finally responds with a focused tone. 

Oh... So a man like Thrawn can also have nightmares? You would have never guessed that, he always appears so in control and... peaceful in some ways. Nothing ever comes troubling the inner balance of this man. 

[How do you deal with nightmares when they become too much?] You ask full of hope for advice on how to let them consume you entirely. 

“They never become too much. I never let irrational dreams hinder me in any way, those are simple remnants of your subconscious rising to the surface. No need to dwell on them unnecessarily, you only need a sharp mind to pursue your goals and mission.” He answers resolutely. 

Oh... 

Okay... 

Not exactly the answer you hoped for. For some reason, you hoped he would reveal he does get affected by nightmares and would sympathize with you. But apparently, nothing can reach that man. 

You sulk, feeling hopeless against the anxiety in your veins and the bad dreams plaguing your mind. 

Thrawn notices. 

“Nightmares are only figments of thoughts, they cannot harm you Senior Lieutenant. Do not give them the power to dictate your actions. You will find the strength to surpass them.” He tries, laying his hand on your shoulder. 

This simple touch sends shivers down your spine, forcing the memory of your father’s hand on your skin, the bites of his knuckles on your fragile body. By pure reflex you slap his hand away, looking at him furiously. 

Until the realization of your error flashes in your mind. What did you just do?! 

Thrawn’s eyes flicker with surprise at your harsh reaction to his attempt to comfort you. But his aloof expression is back in a mere millisecond. 

“Apologies, Senior Lieutenant (F/n). I did not want to make you uncomfortable. I trespassed my rights.” 

You immediately shake your head in a panic, signing ‘Sorry’ multiple times. Fuck! What if he takes it badly? What if he gets angry? What if he decides to punish you? What if- 

“There is no harm, (F/n). Everything is all right.” He informs you as you kept signing your apologies.  

You raise your gaze to meet his, seeing he appears sincere, that he truly is not mad at you. You tentatively nod at him, trembling as fear slowly settles down away.  

He looks at you intently, with his piercing red gaze that ties your stomach in knots. Your mouth stretches in a single thin line, awaiting your judgment. 

“I will let you work in peace. Thank you for your help.” He courteously bows his head to you and leaves you alone to get a grip of yourself and calm down your anxiety. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

“Fancy finding someone here.” A deep melodious voice rose in the silence of the gallery. 

Your breath got stuck in your throat. You who came hiding in the art gallery of the hotel to avoid guests, here’s one now! A man... You tried to calm down your heart. 

It was one of your first official military parties as a Junior Lieutenant, and there was a lot of top hats here. A lot of ego and loud voices, unconsidering and detached from the common experience. You preferred to take refuge in the adjacent art gallery for peace and quiet. 

You turned your head to observe the new visitor and gauge his intention. You discover a blue alien in an admiral regalia, a glass of champagne in his hand. You tilted your head in surprise, an alien officer of the Empire? 

You never heard of such a thing... 

Except for one person. 

The blue alien approaches you, his gaze traveling to the immense canvas you were observing. His sharp cheekbones drew haughty features and the light accentuated the edges of his symmetrical face. His eyes are of a deep, burning red emitting a glow in the dim light.  

You dug your nails in your arm and lowered your gaze as he placed himself next to you to better observe the canvas. He remains silent, looking into the details of the painting with a carefully fascinated expression. 

“It is quite rare to encounter art enjoyers in those soirees, do you not think?” He addressed you again, “I did not expect someone else preferring the peace of the art gallery to the discussions and dances of the ballroom.” 

You risk a glance at him. It must be him. 

Admiral Thrawn. 

“I am sorry if I disrupted your peace. I will leave you undisturbed to appreciate the paintings if you prefer.”He proposes before your resounding silence. 

Honestly? Yes, you would prefer. You’re never really at peace alone with a man, but he is clearly an admiral and you are a simple Junior Lieutenant. If he ever catches your name and speaks of the fact that you refused to humor him, it could go bad for you. 

[It is alright. You can stay, Admiral.] You type on your datapad. 

His gaze lowers to your datapad with an interested gaze. 

“Fascinating. Can it mimic inflections and emotions?” He asked. 

You typed a random phrase and chose the laugh setting. The robotic voice exploded laughing, repeating your words, making the Admiral tilt his head, curious. 

“Interesting. This is quite ingenious, is it used a lot in the impaired-speech community?” 

You shake your head. 

“Will you allow me a quick glance?” He asks softly. 

You froze for a split second. This software is your buoy to communicate. Almost nobody knows sign language, especially in those settings. You held down your datapad before forcing yourself to lend it to him. 

He is an Admiral and you... 

He gently took it and started scrolling down the software, tampering with it. You gulp as he tested and observed your little software. 

“It seems well built. How much time did it take you to code it” He turned back his head to you. 

How did he know you coded it yourself? You frowned incredulously by reflex. 

“You seem a talented coder, ma’am. I could use someone of your talents at my side.” He gives you back your datapad. 

You feel your skin heating up. You’re not used to compliments. 

[It is nothing too complicated really.] 

“To you maybe, but for some other people coding is as nebulous as the never-ending universe. Did you code something else?” 

You slowly nodded. You did know your way around coding and liked tampering with your electronic toys when you started to get really interested in it. 

[I slightly improved the machinery of my father’s squad. Like canon sights, but nothing groundbreaking.] 

“Really? What do you think of the current programming of tie fighters?”  

What would he want to know your opinion on that? You’re a nobody. 

[I would have done things differently.] 

“I agree.” He nodded solemnly, “I am more of an amateur engineer than a coder but I have projects for a new kind of TIE fighter to propel the Navy’s fleet towards new heights. I am searching the galaxy for new talents to help me. If you allow me to test and judge your level would you be interested in participating in a military revolution?” 

Was this man for real? You just entered your post a Senior Lieutenant and he jumps on you to propose you a new post? 

[I just received my new affectation. I cannot just go against the Navy’s wishes and ask to change like that.] 

“Of course. But if an admiral personally asks for your affectation to change, the Navy would probably oblige.” 

You almost took a step back. 

You know the reputation of this man. A genius in battle but a complete clown in politics, you heard he recently allied himself with the likes of Governor Price and rumors circulate that he invited a witch in his fleet? 

He seemed quite the character and you had enough of those types of people in your life. 

On the other hand, coding is your passion. Maybe a post dedicated to coding wan’t that bad? 

|How would it go?] 

“Simple. Your task would be to rewrite the pre-existing TIE code to sharpen it. You will have your own space on the ISD to test and modify the ships to your heart’s content. I will only ask you to follow my directives. 

Your own space? Like... Away from other people? You being alone and free to give yourself fully to coding all day long? You being away from other’s peskiness and sharp-tongues? 

That does sound enticing. 

[I will think about it.] 

“I thank you for considering my offer.” He extended his hand again, “I am Admiral Thrawn.” 

You shook his hand after a hesitation, resisting the shudder coursing your body as your hands touched. 

[Junior Lieutenant (Y/n) (F/n).] You typed. 

He nodded a slight expression of satisfaction starting to paint on his face. 

“I am pleased to have crossed your path tonight, Junior Lieutenant. I hope this is the beginning of a fruitful relationship.” 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 

“Will you come to my suite tonight, Junior Lieutenant (F/n)?” Thrawn asks. 

He observes as you almost choke hearing that proposition. He knows this is quite forward of him. He doesn’t leave you guessing for long. 

“I recently acquired new pieces for my private collection, and I recall you especially enjoying this period in art history. We could discuss those pieces peacefully together.” 

Usually, your daily art talk happens in his office or around a cup of caff at the mess hall when he, rarely, descends to that room. 

“I received a particular mirror that I think will especially flatter your taste, I am curious to know your opinion on it.” He pursues. 

You nod with a small smile, visibly relieved and now interested before typing on your datapad. 

[Of course Grand Admiral, I always enjoy talking art with you.] 

“I am glad to hear it. I will not take too much of your time, do not worry.” He nods with a slightly satisfied expression. 

As he awaits for you he tidies up his salon, displaying his latest acquisitions on pedestals. Those pieces are not for war but his personal enjoyment, and yours too he hopes. His heart clenches slightly at the thought of you joining him tonight. 

He always had immense respect for your coding abilities. You spoke of it like it was nothing but he discovered you had a real talent for it, a natural jewel that he helped carve and sharpen since the first day he found it in you. He absolutely needed you on his team and congratulated himself when you announced to him you would join him in this adventure. And since that day your presence in the team only has been beneficial. 

He never had to complain about you. 

You worked diligently, for long hours and found the solution to most problems he threw at you. You even helped Vanto build a better Excel sheet software in your free time after you witnessed him losing his mind on the older version.  Thrawn and Eli took the liberty to train their supply officers and data analysts with it and witnessed progress in productivity and speed by 20%. 

And those 20% can be crucial during battles... 

You received a reward of course! All people improving his ISD deserve a high reward for their deeds. 

You are an invaluable member of Thrawn’s team, even of his close circle, even if he didn’t realize it right away and you never realized it ever. 

But it is true. 

He sees you as a true friend. You bring him so much in work and share his passion for art, something he is grateful for. 

People never understood him on this level, and in some aspects, you don’t either. Your talents lie somewhere else than military strategizing, but your common passion allows him to stim off and share his special interest with someone actually interested. 

Vanto could never, despite all his will, understand. As Thrawn never understood numbers like he did. 

This is why he is also deeply happy to have you around. To share and receive in art. It allowed him to communicate better about his ideas and strategies. 

When he thinks back that he almost decided not to come to that party... He only came because he learned the hotel had a small art gallery and he discovered a young lady in a fine dress, eyes glued to the painting in front of her. 

He almost didn’t dare enter to disturb your moment. He understood the pleasure of being alone in a gallery to observe art on your terms. But the urge to share proved itself stronger and he entered the room. 

He just wanted to speak about art with another aficionado and he left with a little genius coder in his team. 

He saw how uncomfortable you were around him and didn't want to impose himself too much. Once you exchanged names and numbers he left you in peace. He didn’t get to enjoy the gallery himself but he came out better off after this exchange. 

He welcomed you to his ISD three months later for the tests and you walked out victorious. You changed affectation and joined the Chimaera two weeks top after that. 

He quickly picked up on your shy, or rather cautious nature around others, especially males and him. It was not his place to question you, all he could do was to remain polite, courteous, and professional to make things more comfortable for the both of you. 

You saw each other at least one time a day for him to learn to sign and talk about art. You have quite an extensive knowledge about art and he was truly impressed. You taught him a lot about certain regions he didn’t have the time to visit and he learned a lot at your side, as you learned a lot at his side. 

A truly beneficial relationship. 

You slowly relaxed around him, getting less jumpy and stressed in his presence, to the point that sometimes you seemed to forget his presence when you focused on something. You never forgot any other male presence, always having an eye on them. 

But not him. 

Not anymore. 

And that strangely delighted him. He doesn’t know why. He is just pleased by that fact, he takes some pride in it. He always prided himself in the fact to be safe for women to be around, when he thinks about all the things men do to women daily, he feels like being a decent person really shouldn’t be that hard and not such a high demand. He always appreciated the trust his female friends and colleagues had in him, and he just wanted you to feel the same. 

For you to not see him as any kind of predator. 

A tight smile comes stretch his mouth as he thinks back about the number of times he had to carry you to your cabin. How many times did he came to visit your office to witness your advancement to discover you sleeping on your desk after an obvious night crush? He took your precious datapad and carried you to your bed. 

You never knew about that. 

And he doesn’t really intend to tell you, as long as you rest that beautiful brain of yours to come back fresh the next day he can carry you to bed without a fuss. 

He signals the droid to leave the champagne bottle in the ice bucket and on the coffee table. He remembers Ar’alani complaining about the lack of drinks when he brought her to the art gallery. You will not have to complain about that when admiring his personal museum. 

He is strangely excited by that prospect, his heart beats strangely fast at the idea of letting you see his personal collection. He never shared it with anyone else, he feels like metaphorically stripping naked before you. 

Overall he just hopes you will have a nice time. 

With him. 

He checks his display one last time. He gave the mirror he thinks you’ll love a special place, well visible and under a beautiful light. 

[Grand Admiral Thrawn?] a mechanical voice he learned to love rises in his back. 

He turns, his hand clasped behind his back, a small smile to welcome you. 

“Ah! Senior Lieutenant, right on time as always. Please approach, I have several pieces for you to see.” 

------------------------------------------------------------------- 

You were a little bit nervous about the idea of joining Thrawn in his suite, but he promised it was about art so you came.  

But until now he hasn’t been anything else but courteous and professional with you, never an inappropriate move or word, always respectful of our personal space and headspace. 

You realized recently that you actually quite like him. He is quite a gentleman all things considered. 

Nothing like your father... 

Right now he stands next to you, at a respectable distance, to explain a statuette to you. 

“It is a goddess of love and fertility of the Lokma region. A fine work isn’t it?” 

You nod enthusiastically. It is indeed a very beautiful statuette, well-carved and polished.  

You’re quite happy the Grand Admiral appreciates art as you do. You used to bury yourself in art books to escape your violent reality back home. Nobody liked art at home especially not your father. You had to hide all those books from his view or he would burn them before you. 

But Grand Admiral Thrawn is a man of elegance and taste, enjoying art as a real connoisseur. His knowledge of the subject would put any encyclopedia to shame! 

You reacted badly last time but you had time to rationalize that he simply tried to comfort you. You clearly overreacted. He had no bad intentions towards you, quite the contrary. 

You look up to him, explaining the origin of the sculpture to you with a light smile floating on your lips. 

------------------------------------------------------- 

His heart is beating so fast. You are looking straight at him, smiling so genuinely. He could almost lose track of what he is saying if dared look into your eyes.  

So he remains focused on the art piece, to not start stammering in front of you. 

He doesn’t know how it happened but you both end up on the couch, drinking champagne and chit-chatting about everything and nothing. Right now you are trying to keep a straight face as he retells his political mishaps. It is no news to anybody that he is a clown in this department, but he never took the time to explain the finer details to someone and you have difficulties not exploding laughing. 

Obviously, no sound escapes your lips but the simple expression, how you try to contain your stretching smile to grow too much, how your dimples appear on your skin, how you bite your lower lips to control yourself, how utterly relaxed you appear... 

He details this spectacle, absolutely fascinated. He saw plenty of people laugh before but none appeared as... Radiant as you are right now. You are just so solar and magnetic with this elated expression. 

For some reason, his throat goes dry when his gaze lends on your lips. They are plump and carefully drawn with a pencil of color in nude tones, adorning your mouth deliciously. He fights the urge to lick his own lips at that sight. 

And your eyes... 

Utterly gorgeous. 

They can say everything your vocal cords cannot. They are just expressive, there is no second-guessing your mood or character, he just has to look into your sparkly eyes and unravel your entire being before him. 

It is not that you are easy to guess, it is that your body is so completely honest with him, he doesn’t need to walk on eggshells like with the Emperor or any political figures, with you he can act and feel like himself. 

Something that hasn’t happened since... 

Forever. 

In fact. 

He always had to mask a part of himself to go his own way peacefully but he feels like he can open up to you. 

That you wouldn’t judge. 

That you would understand him, like Thrass did. 

But he never looked at Thrass like that. He always was his brother but you are no Chiss. Is he looking at you as a sister...? 

No... that doesn’t sound right to him. 

Like a friend perhaps, like Ar’alani? 

Neither... 

He tilts his head as he watches you retelling him one of your stories with signs, a large smile on your beautiful face. 

Because you do have a beautiful face, he realizes. Very symmetrical and... harmonious. It is a weird thought crossing his mind, he met plenty of objectively beautiful people in his life and he was able to tell that they were handsome but he never knew it in his gut. Just a passive acknowledgment of their well-made features. 

But you are the first one striking him as truly gorgeous. His eyes seem to open up for the very first time and he is discovering true beauty. 

What curious train of thoughts he has right now, observing you hiding your elated expression behind your hand. 

He loves that expression, it suits you so much better than this worried, tense one you always were around your colleagues or that you had with him at first. 

He had the occasion to witness different facets of your personality while learning sign language, but it feels like meeting the true you for the first time. You have so many things to say you don’t lose time typing it on your datapad, you just sign everything at lightspeed with enthusiasm. 

Such a wonderful expression... 

He wants to get lost in your eyes. 

He wants you to smile more, to smile everyday. 

His breath gets stuck in his throat as he realizes he wants to be the reason for your smile. Every day and forever. 

Is he...? 

He has to know! 

He details your blissful expression while decoding your signing. He doesn’t get everything but he knows the important one. You are telling him that you love working on this project, that you feel useful and part of a real team thanks to him, and that he doesn’t reject you for being non-speaking but that he makes true efforts to involve and welcomes you. 

“That is nothing, Senior Lieutenant.” A small grin grows on his lips, “You are too valuable for me to lose. I must make sure you are well cared for or you will leave me for greener lands.” 

You bite your lips, lowering your gaze before the compliment. How adorable. 

“Since you entered the project we made fantastic advancements. You wrote an almost perfect code and still keep working to improve it days and nights. We would not have gone so far without your input.” 

Your face heat signals worsen, proof of your embarrassment. You sign ‘It is nothing’ without daring to look at him.  

He leaves his slouching position to lean forward,  closer to you, legs almost brushing. 

“It is not ‘nothing’ as you pretend (Y/n). This is incredible work and you should be properly recognized and rewarded for that.” He ditch the ranks for a more warm approach. 

You seem a little confused by the sudden use of your name so casually. 

“Does it displease you?” He asks. 

‘What?’ you sign, dubious. 

“Me, using your name. I quite like it, you wear it perfectly.” 

You smile, embarrassed. 

“I am not joking. It has a wonderful sound to it, it suits you wonderfully.” 

You push a strand of hair behind your ear to try to put up a front, but your heat signals are all over the place. You are very obviously melting. 

On his hand, he realizes he enjoys complimenting you. It feels right to do it. For absolutely nothing too. For you just being here, for your hair style that enhances your natural charm, this absolutely adorable behavior, the list is infinite! 

For you to keep that endearing look too. 

He gently raises his hand towards you, slowly for you to see it and stop him if needs be. You look at him with round eyes and freeze entirely. He incredibly gently brushes your cheek with his knuckle. 

A very soft, very light touch. He’s just testing the water, where you will put your boundaries. 

You seem to release your breath when you realize he didn’t intend to hit you. 

Why would you ever think that? He wonders. 

What happened to you to always live in a fight or flight mode? He is dying to know, but that would be improper to pry. If you want him to know, you will reveal it in due time. 

You blink several times as he resumes his gentle caress, like you don’t know how to react to tenderness. He couldn’t know either, to be honest. He just felt like giving you physical affection was the right call.  

You are so pretty after all tonight, he needs to physically convey the tenderness he harbors towards you. Or he feels like he is going to implose or spontaneously combust. 

"You are beautiful, (Y/n).” He simply lets you know his truth in a whisper. 

You turn your head to avoid his gaze like it is too much. Your face heat signals are the worst they ever have been he notices.  

“Are you uncomfortable?” He asks softly, “Would you prefer if I stopped?”  

You go to type something on your datapad but stop mid-movement before putting it on the coffee table and spin away from him. He listens carefully. No sobs can be heard, to his relief. 

“I am sorry if I was too forward, (Y/n).” He presents his excuses, “But I find myself in a weird head space tonight.” 

You slightly turn your head towards him. Not enough for him to see your face, just enough to signify that you are listening. 

He gently caresses your arm, avoiding pressing himself against you to leave you your space. 

“(Y/n), I will not try anything you will not allow me to. I just want you to look at me.” 

You shake your head, pressing your knees against your chest, boots on the expensive sofa. 

“(Y/n), please do not deprive me of your sight.” He breathes, getting slightly desperate as you disposess him of your beautiful gaze “I am confused and need to know. Only you can help me. Look at me, my friend.” 

This is the first time he calls you friend out loud and it doesn't feel stong enough for his feelings. 

Is he really...? 

“I need your help. Just this time, will you allow it?” He asks. “Let me look at you.” 

His hand gently grasps your chin to invite you to turn to him, he does it softly, if you truly don't want it he will let you escape no question asked.  

But you do turn towards him, eyes wet and glistening but without tears rolling down your cheeks. He releases your chin to gently cup your cheek, caressing it with his thumb. 

“You are beauty incarnated.” He murmurs like he cannot believe you are in front of him, “I need only one thing and I will let you in peace. Will you allow me?” 

He lets your hands free for you to sign but you just gulp and tentatively nod. You are clearly unsure but are ready to let him try whatever he has in mind? 

But he doesn’t want to force you, your consent is the most important thing to him at this instant. 

“I am about to kiss you. Will you allow it?” He looks straight into your soul through your eyes. 

Your breath gets visibly stuck in your throat and your eyes get rounder. He keeps caressing your cheek gently, ready to face your rejection. 

But you remain mute, not signing, nor shaking your head to escape him. You just look at him like you cannot believe you heard him right. 

“I need your consent to continue.” He insists. 

Your throat contracts as you dig your nails into the fabric of your pants.  

Finally, you sign something. 

‘Why?’ 

He cannot help a light chuckle escaping him. Is it that hard to imagine? 

“I want to make sure if I am in love or not.” He very clearly explains, no sugarcoating it. 

You appear even more lost. 

‘Why?’ 

“Why would I be in love with you?” He tilts his head like your question didn’t make any sense, “You have plenty of qualities and virtues, why would you not be loved by others? Why would I not love you?” 

Your face in no more but a deeply red spot in his infrared vision. 

“What about you, (Y/n)? What are your sentiments? Do you feel something or am I alone in the storm?”  

You try to sign something but your hands tremble so much your signs are unrecognizable. 

He gently kisses your forehead before looking back into your gorgeous eyes. 

“I only ask for one kiss to settle everything once and for all. Do I have your permission?” 

You gulp before weakly nodding. You appear so tense, are you that estranged to tenderness? That pains him immensely, whatever comes out of that kiss he wants you comfortable and feeling safe at his side. 

He slowly leans forward, leaving you time to dodge if you change your mind. You close your eyes shut like you can’t face him right this instant but let him do. He gently closes the gap and softly kisses your lips. 

This is soft and light. 

But he feels a firework lighting in his chest, his heart beating at lightspeed, pumping his blood like a machine. He feels his very soul rejoice and sing blissed verses. This chast kiss sends fire to his very being. 

Not a lustful fire but a warm, comforting fire, like everything was clicking into place at last. Like he just found his other-half that he searched for so long. 

And he is so euphoric that it is you. 

He releases your lips, feeling your short breath on his lips. He opens his bright red eyes to discover you, eyes still closed but with a serene expression. You reopen your eyes slowly like you’re going down from a high. 

You gasp, stupefied. 

He awaits your judgment with anticipation and a touch of fear, but nothing pierces through his carefully crafted mask. 

You raise your hand and sign. 

‘Again please?’ 

He cannot help but smile, he will kiss again and again until you are sure of yourself! He captures your lips back in a more demanding kiss, holding the back of your head to press it against his craving lips. He sighs of pure satisfaction in the kiss, if it is what happiness feels like he would have it every day, please! 

He suddenly feels your own hand gently cupping his cheek, caressing his ear delicately. He smiles through the kiss and starts purring loudly. 

When you part again you are both panting. He takes one of your hands and kisses your knuckles reverently. 

“I thank you for this enlightening experience, (Y/n). I now have my response.” 

You look at him curiously, blood flowing furiously in your cheeks. 

“I am certain now, this is love.” He confesses, “My heart is beating for you, (Y/n).” 

You gulp again, but your hand keeps cupping his cheek, tenderly touching him. 

“I must know your response, (Y/n). What is your truth?” 

You retract your hand to start signing something but stop mid-movement of the first sign. He instantly picks up your discomfort. 

“I do not intend to force you into anything. If you wish for nothing to change between us, I will not impose myself on you. The choice is yours only.” 

You shyly nod and resume your signing. 

‘I am embarrassed.’ 

“Do not be. You may speak freely, (Y/n). Whatever your response is, I am ready to receive and honor it.” He asserts, encouraging you to open up. 

‘I never felt like this’ 

“Me neither, this is all new.” 

‘What if I am wrong?’ 

“You can always come back on your decision. If you wish to leave me later I will set you free, if you wish to come back into my arms I will welcome you.” 

He is on the verge of implosion. Doubt and excitation are consuming him, what is flying through your mind right now? Will you accept or reject him? He is dying to know! 

You take a deep breath and sign. 

‘I love you’ 

His heart skips several beats before sprinting up at a worrying speed.  

You love him back! What a relief. 

“Sign it again please.” He demands  

You fidget your fingers, embarrassed. 

“Please, Ch’acah. I want to see you tell me again.” 

You sign it again with trembling hands. 

He seizes them and kisses them like holy relics. 

“Thank you, (Y/n). You do not know how important it is for me. What do you want now?” 

‘What do you mean?’ You gingerly sign. 

“May we become a couple? Do you wish to try and explore this relationship? The choice is yours, what you want I will give.” 

@bluechiss @thrawnalani @justanothersadperson93 @al-astakbar@thrawnspetgoose @readinglistfics @elise2174 @debonaire-princess @twilekchiss @pencil-urchin @ineedazeezee @mssbridgerton @dance-like-russia-isnt-watching @Cortisolcosplay @obbicrystaleo @germie2037

#thrawn #thrawn x reader #thrawn x you #thrawn x f!reader #grand admiral thrawn #mitth'raw'nuruodo #fanfic #vibratingskull

[choccy-milky]

Hi Darling! First of all.. OMG I REALLYYY REALLYYYY LOVE YOUR FIC ♥️♥️♥️! I've been a silent reader for too long and this is the first time I came to the surface to thank you for this amazing fic and art that you've made.

I also have gathered my courage to ask you this. But headcanonically (if that's even a word but wtv 😭) in your fic world. Did Sebastian ever court or interested in someone before Clora? I had a wild thought that he was into someone and had courted them but wouldn't last long because he had to take care of Anne and this lass he courted was tired of his rambling about Anne this and Anne that. Sebastian decided that they should end things because not appreciating Anne means not appreciating him.

And when he dated Clora. He met her again. She desperately wants him back and apologises (She does have another intention though). He declines because he's already ill with her and is now crazy in love with our darling Clora. He chooses not to tell Clora about this. But I wonder what happened if Clora knows tho.

ANYWAY! THANK YOU FOR READING MY LONG ASS WILD THOUGHTS BUT I AM AN ANGST GIRL IN THIS ANGST LIFE. 😭😭😭💙💙💙

AW THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME💖💖IM GLAD TO HEAR IT💖💖 AND OK its funny you bring this up bc i actually planned for sebastian to have a bit of an internal monologue in my most recent chap about the girls he's had a crush on (before clora--omg... B.C), but i ended up cutting it out because it was part of a deleted scene. but no seb has never actually dated/courted anyone before clora, tho he defs did have crushes....but if he WAS with another girl before clora....🤔🤔hmm🤔🤔 i guess it would depend when in their relationship clora found out? if it was at the beginning when clora was still really shy/nervous/self conscious, it would obviously make her even moreso, and she would have compared herself and wondered if she was good enough and if she was doing things right. and i feel like that early in the relationship, if that other girl DID come back and try and get with seb, clora might actually be worried they'd get together again, esp if she ever saw them talking (kinda like the lawley situation, but in reverse BAHA) if it was NOW though and clora just suddenly found out....LMAOO oh boy. she'd obvs be like why did u never tell me, and itd go something like this: seb: "it was brief enough that i didn't see any point in mentioning it--we hadn't even snogged." clora: "well, it just so happens that i was with a boy before you, too. but we hadn't snogged either, so by your logic, i guess you don't care." seb: ".........." seb: "........alright, point proven." (and then seb would be all worried and confirm that she hadnt actually been with anyone before him/that she was just messing with him, and shed be like LMAO YES IT WAS JUST FOR ARGUMANTS SAKE OBVS) anyway clora might be sad for a bit but she'd get over it pretty quick, since she knows seb is so devoted to her/hed make it a point to be a huge simp for her to show her he has no leftover feelings for anyone else LOL (like how he was after the relic incident & during her period) honestly its just hard to make clora jealous in the first place, bc seb is such a mega simp for her LMFAO. and aS HE SHOULD BE!!!👇🧎‍♂️

#its too late in my fic for drama like this LMAO but maybe i can incorporate an ex gf into the modern AU #omg WAIT YES!!! THE MODERN AU RIVAL FOR CLORA CAN BE THE POPULAR CHEERLEADER #MY MODERN AU IS ALREADY TROPEY AS HELL BAHAHA SO WHY NOT!! and it works out since hes on the football team BAHAH omg #clora going as a friend to his game and then that cheerleader girl is all over him on the field and clora cant do anything about it BAHHA #im evil thank you for the inspo #ask

[luselih]

hello!! i hope you're doing good at this moment :>

i saw that your requests were open and i wish to make one (if it's too uncomfy or not something that you want to write that's totally fine ^^). i was wondering if i could request a hurt/comfort or just comfort fic with fem!reader that struggles with eating disorders (ana and bulimia) ft. bllk characters oliver, tokimitsu and yukimiya (+ any other ones if you want to)? maybe something like them comforting her after a bad episode or talking with her about it in a general way. i hope that's not too vague or too specific, and again!! totally cool if you don't like the idea of this request!!

byebye ^-^

summary/ask: their s/o struggles with anorexia and/or bulimia (angst and comfort!)

content warnings | eating disorders so heavy themes ahead!, fem! reader , bad eating habits and mental health, bad relationship w food, vomiting, physical comfort and emotional support from them, shorter than i intended to be + more?…

a/n - i have done my research on bulimia and anorexia before and i have couple of friends who suffer from them so i will try to write it good, keep in mind that i am chubby person so myb some parts in this aren’t as good as others (plus i barely write for Tokimutsu too so) :( please take care of yourself anon, i am here for you <3 sorry if it is too short :((

YUKIMIYA

My yuki :( He’s a sweetest one of them all. When you opened to him about it in yours relationship he felt honored, really. His gentle hands taking your shaking hands in his, kissing your knuckles and tip of fingers as he’s even gentler eyes looked at you so softly, his voice barely higher than a whisper.

“my lovely, thank you for having enough trust to share something like this. i am here for you, in both for better and for worse times. don’t forget that. ever.”

His body making you finally relax after a long time, your head on his chest as his chest. His lips kissing the crown of your head as one of his hands rubbed your shoulder and another one your hand that rested on other side of his chest, your legs tangled up as the peaceful slumber creeped on both of you.

TOKIMITSU

My boy is not entirely sure what to do or react when you said that you suffer from an eating disorder. He panicked at the first, he loved you dearly and didn’t want to do anything wrong or hurt you at any point, so he took a deep breath. Relaxing his stiffened shoulders from his overwhelming anxiety and took you into his hands. His warm yet gentle gigantic body immediately relaxing your body, his hands rubbing your arms softly as he whisper sweet nothings against your lips after a harsh period for you, he’s staying here for you and you will never be alone in hard times and he’s always going to be your number one supporter :)

OLIVER

He might not like it, but he cares deeply in his own teasing ways. He WILL pull you into his lap and pout like a little baby when you can sense a nasty self harming episode approaching, whining your ears out while those dumb puppy look from his eyes stared at your face closely.

“i wont let go till you tell me what’s wrong. i know when something is wrong but i for sure can’t read your mind, so pretty please”

So when you finally craved and said how you feel helplessness, fearful and just unhappy he kisses out those tears that feel from your eyes down your cheeks and kisses your lips next and just maybe shows how much he adored your body in more than one way later ;)

+ BAROU

You cursed yourself for having unexpected episode of binge eating late last night, having an urge to eat leftovers from dinner late at 3 am and now late morning, your weak arm holding onto toilet bowl as other hold onto your hair, trying not to get it in your tired face that was almost covered in your own tears, vomit and drool. As you get that feeling in your stomach, you felt unexpected touch, he saw you. Your boyfriend Barou wake up and found you in a so called “unsightly” position and situation. Your overthinking was cut short when your body reflexively went back to vomiting but this time, Barou’s hands put your hair in a quick ponytail and with one hand he wrapped around your waist and pressed you close to his core, your body finally getting warmer from long time kneeling on cold marble, his deep and warm voice ringing in your ear as he rubbed your back comfortably.

“It’s okay…it’s okay, i an here now…shhhh..”

When he make sure you are finished with vomiting he picked up your face with his strong hands, cradling you in his lap as he kissed your forehead, then connecting your forehead together as both pairs of eyes closed, he whispered.

“We are going through this together, okay? Don’t think you will be ever be left alone again when i am here for you in everything.”

#bambi’s ✍️ #blue lock #blue lock fluff #blue lock x reader #blue lock x y/n #blue lock x you #bllk #bllk x reader #bllk x y/n #bllk x you #blue lock imagines #yukimiya kenyu #yukimiya x reader #oliver aiku #aiku oliver x reader #barou shouei #barou x reader #tokimitsu aoshi #tokimitsu x reader #tw eating disorders #tw bul1m14 #tw anorexia

[misc-obeyme]

"Like I'm really into the idea that if demons smell human blood, it kinda makes them crazy. Like maybe they wanna eat that human, right?"

What if Mc is on their period?! Would that mean that the demons around them would go crazy? Lmao Mc can't catch a break. Imagine how awkward it would be when someone comments for the 5th time that they smell blood completely confused and oblivious to Mc's period.

TW: blood, menstruation, and some suggestive stuff

OKAY I did think of that when I was talking about the blood stuff.

If we have an MC that menstruates, what does that mean for demons who can smell human blood as a sort of predator response?

This is all based on the idea that the demons have more animal-like qualities. So I think it depends on a few things. MC could be considered as a part of the demon family pack, right? But it's like a sheep has joined a wolf pack except that the sheep and the wolf can also think for themselves. So they have instincts, but they also have the capacity to question those instincts.

I kinda like to think that menstrual blood smells different. So they can tell the difference. And they might normally smell that and think, this human is potentially vulnerable and might be easy prey. But in the case of MC, their minds can override that instinct so instead they get protective. This human is vulnerable, but this is my human, so I'm going to protect them from other predators.

I also suspect that the smell of blood from an injury causes a more potent reaction. Because a menstruating human might be more impaired, but not as much as an injured human would be. And presumably the injury blood is out in the open air, they can probably see it too. Whereas period blood usually has several layers of fabric between it and the outside world. Plus they can't see it.

So I see it as, if MC is considered part of the pack, the demons can use their intelligence to override their instincts when it comes to period blood. They see MC as a family member in need of protection (or a mate if that's their relationship), even if initially their instincts are telling them this is easy prey.

Similarly, if MC is injured, especially if the demon is near them at the time and can see it and smell it quite pungently, it's harder for them to override that instinct. They can and I think they would, considering how much they all care about MC, but it's going to take more effort.

AND I think that both of these instincts can be redirected rather than overridden. So instead of suppressing it, they channel that desire and energy into something else. In which case they might get ridiculously horny and instead of wanting to eat MC, they want to fuck MC.

It's just interesting to me because it skirts on the edge of danger for MC, you know? And in the end, it kinda comes down to how much the demons they trust are able to control themselves. And what the demons might do to ensure that MC is protected from them in such cases.

LOL sorry I didn't mean to get this in depth but once I started thinking about it, I couldn't stop.

#I feel like my weirdo is showing and I apologize #obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me mc #tw blood #cw blood #tw menstruation #cw menstruation #anon asks #misc answers

[mabelstone]

I Could Be Yours

hozier x f!reader

part one of lullabies <3

hi i have risen from the dead... new matt stone will be coming soon i promise!! i've just become infatuated with hozier recently so i had no choice but to devote a new fic to him <3

i didn't proof read because it's bedtime, i will fix tomorrow if there's any errors!! soz

cw: none really... just a shitty boyfriend and drinking. still 18+

word count: 3.5k

“That’s your man, ‘uh?” The deep voice behind me made me jump, forcing me to peel my eyes from Joe and the leggy blonde he was laughing with.

“Stop doing that!” I gasp, clutching a hand over my chest, jokingly punching Andrew in the arm. “But yes. That’s him,” I sigh, wanting to cut the conversation before it had a chance to start. Andrew was far too friendly to be talking to my walking storm cloud of a boyfriend.

“I didn’t know his sister was playing tonight,” he confessed casually, adjusting the cuffs of his shirt. “Which one is she?”

“He doesn’t have a sister,” I shake my head, quirking an eyebrow at the human tower before me. “Where’d you hear that?”

“Huh?” He played dumb, though a soft pink blush tinted his cheeks, looking like he wished he could eat his words.

“Where did you hear that?” I repeated, the room suddenly too hot for comfort, despite Joe's protests that I was dressed like a 'tart,' in his words.

“I’m sure I misheard, hearing’s a bit shot,” he lied through his teeth, and he must be a fool to believed I'd let him play it off.

“Andy," I faced him now, trying to force him to meet my eyes he was so desperately avoiding. "Who did he say that to?”

“That woman,” his voice sounded pained, as if he were almost ashamed to tell me. He was too smart, he could read me, and if anyone could read the room, it was him. I just went quiet, his warm calloused hand placed on my shoulder, feeling like it might burn a hole in my dress. “You deserve better,” he professed sincerely, pulling that horrid face at me, the type you pull when you feel really sorry for someone.

I huffed some pathetic excuse of a response, forcing my eyes to the ground. There seemed to be a magnetic pull, forcing my eyes back to Joe, hurting my own feelings again and again. I can’t recall a time he’d ever looked that interested in me. Not unless he was trying to bed me, which was usually after a stressful day at work or after a massive fight.

“If you were my girl, every man and their dog would know. You’re too good for him,” his voice was warm, like being pulled from a frozen over lake and straight into an oven. His Irish brogue more apparent than ever, and I cursed myself for the way my heart leapt in my chest.

He just slipped past me onto the stage for his set, unaware that he just made me feel nearly every emotion in the span of two minutes.

“That’s not even a real job,” Joe scoffed, shaking his head indignantly like he always did, as if everyone were beneath him. He’s always looked down at others for as long as I’ve known him. His Napoleon Complex makes him feel like he’s six foot eleven, when in reality, I barely have to tilt my head to kiss him.

I bit my cheek to suppress an angry concoction of insults, swallowing it down and opting for, “so my job isn’t a real job?”

“Babe,” he groaned, one soft hand slipping off the steering wheel onto my thigh. “You know that’s not what I meant. It’s just not very manly, is all. He should be doing something that’s not just for chicks.”

“He’s a carpenter, actually,” I lied, arms barricaded across my chest as I tried to focus on the London Bridge we were rolling over. “Manly enough for you?”

“Could you relax? Jesus Christ…” he pulled his hand from me quicker than he placed it there, sighing emphatically. “You gettin’ your period or something?”

“No!” It was my turn to scoff now, turning to face him. His stupid face was contorted like it always was, as if he’d smelt something rotten. “You’ve hurt my feelings, Joe.”

“Oh, everything hurts your fucking feelings,” he seethed, hooking a turn so sharp I just about fell into the driver’s side. I muttered under my breath, gripping onto the handle at the top of my door, as it was highly likely I was going to need it for the rest of the trip. That’s my Joe. Sickly sweet when you first meet him, then cold and sharp when he drops the act. “I don’t know how much longer I can put up with this shit.”

“Excuse me?” I straightened up, my stomach twisting in that familiar nauseating knot.

“You. Your shit,” he rolled his eyes for what felt like the thousandth time, turning his head to me, deadpan. “Constantly starting arguments, whining about everything. You’re exhausting me.”

Then the rest of the entourage strides in on cue. The searing pain in my throat, the tears prickling into my eyes. The shame and embarrassment that pummel me like waves in a storm. Oh, God, the embarrassment. I feel my cheeks glow red, and suddenly the chill of late Autumn is comparable to a sauna, and there’s not enough air in the passenger side to satiate my lungs.

“Don’t cry,” he groans again, refusing to look at me again. And suddenly, I’m twelve again, trying to cry silently in my father’s car. Sigmund Freud would be laughing in his grave right now. “I’m sorry," he sighs, reaching for my leg again. I jerk away. "Shouldn’t have taken it so far.”

Though his apologies are just words at this point. I’ve walked this road too many times to not know any better. The rest of the ride home is silent, my knees pressed into the passenger door, trying to focus on anything but the fact that I will probably never leave. I will board this train wreck until he beats me down to nothing.

"He just has this weird infatuation for you. A blind man could see it," he tsked, shaking his head as if it were my fault. "And you just egg him on. He's a proper knob."

"He's the knob? What'd you think of your sister's set, hm?" I seethed, silently letting the tears fall as if I were in some sappy drama.

We didn't speak for the rest of the night, Joe slamming his car door, storming inside to lock himself in our bedroom. I washed my face in the kitchen sink and fell asleep on the couch in the small hours of the morning.

Joe didn't come to my show tonight, opting for the local pub with his work mates. I can't lie and say I was upset about it. Another thing I couldn't lie about is how Andrew's words played on a loop in my head for the rest of that night and all day today. I know he was just saying it to comfort me, but is it sad that I've never been so flattered?

"Hey," I smiled, the condensation from my breath hanging between us as I walked up to Andy. “Thought you were quitting.”

He was leaning against the brick wall outside the bar, a halfway smoked cigarette to his lips. He looked nice tonight. His usual unruly curls framing his face so perfectly, two layers under his dark denim jacket. He grinned infectiously as always, never once tearing his eyes from mine as he shrugged, “I’m no quitter.”

“Shut up,” I groaned, finding my spot beside him, now pressing my back to the cold bricks.

“So, where’s Jake tonight?” Now his eyes were fixed on the busy street before us, his arm brushing mine each time he’d put the cigarette to his lips.

“It’s Joe,” I corrected with an eye roll, though there was no malice in my expression. “And he’s watching the game with his mates. We’ve barely spoken since last night.” My heart ached a bit at the reminder of what he’d said to me on the drive home. You’re exhausting me. If his wish was for me to rethink the past five years, he certainly got it.

He gave me that pathetic poor you look again. "Come on. I'll buy ya' a drink. I insist."

"Who am I to deny you?" I grinned, following close behind him as he stubbed his cigarette out under his boot, holding the bar door open for me.

He ordered himself a whiskey on the rocks, a coconut margarita for me. We slid into a small booth at the back, the walls practically vibrating from the drunken chatter and the obnoxious drum solo on the stage.

"She's busy tonight, eh?" He half shouted across to me, leaning over his drink.

"I know, right? I've never seen the place like this," I agreed, taking in just how alive the atmosphere was tonight. "Remember me when you're famous."

"You're not easy to forget. You remember me!" He grinned at me, taking a large swig of his drink. I couldn't tear my eyes from his Adam's apple bobbing with each sip, his eyes dark in the dim lighting. I felt extreme guilt, forcing my eyes anywhere but his direction.

He must've sensed it. This man could read me like a book. Thankfully, he steered the conversation smoothly, "what're you playing tonight?"

"Oh, no. I'm not singing tonight," I shook my head, polishing off my drink in a sip a little bit too big for my mouth. "Want another drink? My shout."

"Why aren't you singing?" He ignored me, pulling a face that screamed, are you mad? "If there's any night for it, it's tonight."

"Honestly, I just want to get pissed and be the observer for once." I smiled sweetly, hoping he couldn't see through the facade. "What're you singing then?"

"An original," he smiled coyly, eyes faltering.

"Oh, Andy! How exciting," I cheered, genuinely happy for him. He'd shown me some of his poetry, and with such a beautiful voice, there's no possibility he could go wrong. "You're going to blow the roof off. This calls for another drink."

"As you wish," he grinned, holding eye contact as he finished off his glass, the faintest pink tinge to his cheeks.

When I made my way back to the table, my heart sunk a bit when I saw a girl leaning against our table giggling, tucking thick red locks behind her ears. He was laughing too, body language practically begging for more. I might be exaggerating. Why did I even care? I am in a committed relationship.

Funny, he looks just as amused as Joe did last night.

I made my way to the table, sliding his drink to him.

"Hi, I'm Harper," she smiled wide, a beautiful array of pearly teeth on full display.

"Lovely to meet you. Y/N," I smiled back, unable to look at Andrew. "I'm gonna go watch the show. I'll leave you to it."

I turned my back just as he was about to protest, sipping at my drink as I kept my word, finding a seat before the stage. I couldn't really focus on the music though, my mind reeling over what Joe was up to. He hadn't even texted or calls. His location was off too. I grabbed another couple drinks, bumping into Andrew when I made my way back to the stage.

"Y/N," he reached for my arm, a sincerely apologetic tone to his voice. "I'm sorry for earlier, that was rude."

"No it wasn't," I replied a bit too quick, brushing off the apology. "You're single, you can do whatever."

"I meant having someone at our table," shit. Was that the wrong thing to say? Their margaritas are always too strong. "I was enjoying just having you and I time."

"No worries, there's always next time," I smiled sweetly, though really, I just wanted to get in the nearest cab, pack all my shit at home and move back to Bristol. "You're nearly on! I'll be front row." I turned away again, finding my way back to the nice girls I made small talk with earlier.

Sure enough, Andrew was up within the next fifteen minutes. The announcer, somewhere hidden backstage spoke, "please give your warmest welcome to our absolute favourite, Andrew Hozier-Byrne!"

He walked onto the stage, acoustic guitar hanging from his neck as he awkwardly made his way onto the stage, adjusting the microphone to his height as he did each night.

"Ehm, this song is called I Could Be Yours," he offered a tight lipped smile to the crowd, a few cheers heard here and there. "Thanks guys."

I couldn't help but grin at his shyness, the complete opposite of how he was with me.

I could be soft and sweet, I could be hard and loud.

I could be everything you'd ever need somehow.

Why don't you hear me sing out from the lost and found,

I could be yours, I could be yours, I could be yours.

He seemed to be scanning the crowd, probably for Harper, meanwhile all eyes were on him, basking in his glory. As if he were rain in a drought, not a single soul in the audience not mesmerised by his syrupy voice. Myself included, wide eyed, the epitome of awe.

Why don't you try on me? Why don't you take me home?

I'll match the colour scheme of your bedroom walls.

Oh, take a dose of me, it doesn't hurt at all.

I could be yours, I could be yours, I could be yours.

His skilled fingers danced along the strings, his eyes, when not scanning the crowd focused on his measured movements. To say I was moved was an understatement. His voice thick and sweet as honey, his eyes shining under the stage lights, the hypnotic effect he had on the crowd. Unlike anything I had ever experienced.

Then his eyes found mine. It was almost like nothing existed in the same realm as him and I. Just us.

Oh God, I'd benefit from your sweet tenderness.

Oh, thank God, it could've been, 'cause nothing comes from it.

That'd be a helpful thought if I could remember it,

but I could be yours, I could be yours, I could be yours.

"Thanks," he nodded awkwardly to the crowd, eyes leaving mine as he did the stage, the audience cheering and clapping.

I couldn't put into words the feelings I felt if you held a gun to my head. No doubt my eyes glistened back at his, tears of joy swimming at my waterline, completely estranged from last nights'.

"He was looking right at you!" One of the women I'd met shouted over the cheers, shaking me by the shoulder. I just hummed some response, smiling and beelining for the exit.

The bite of the outdoors was a stark comparison to the warmth of the bar, my nervous system seeming to reset instantaneously. I pulled out my phone and checked the time. 8:45pm. I told Joe I wouldn't be home til midnight and not to wait up for me.

It was wrong to feel this way about Andrew. He was my friend. I had Joe. Even if we had our rough patches.

My phone buzzed wildly in my hand, and when I checked the caller ID, I nearly didn't pick up.

I sighed. "Hello?"

"Hey," Andrew spoke loudly over the drunken chatter, a few good one mate, and, good on ya's here and there. "Where'd you run off to?"

"I, uh, had too much to drink," I lied through my teeth, kicking at the gravel beneath my feet. "I'm just heading home."

"Oh..."

"I'm out the front," I piped up, not wanting him to think he caused this. Or that I was running away. Because I was not. Right?

He hung up and shortly after, his tall figure emerged, his shadow reaching me before he did.

He opened his mouth to speak, but I beat him to it. "Great song, Andy. Really beautiful." I meant it.

"Oh, yeah. Thank you," he smiled, looking down at his boots. "How're you getting home?"

"I was gonna get a cab, or an Uber, or something." I shrugged, acutely aware of how breathy I sounded. Beyond tired. I wasn't lying when I said I'd had too much to drink.

"No need, I'll take you." He offered, digging his hands into his pockets and gesturing with his head for me to follow.

"It's okay, Andy, really," I countered, giving him my must sincere smile I could muster. I was too confused right now. Nobody had ever made me feel this way while I've been with Joe. "Get in there and mingle. They loved you."

"I'd rather know you're safe."

I ended up in the passenger seat of his car. He'd kindly put the heater on full blast, though no doubt, he'd be sweating under all those layers. I protested, but he kept fretting about how red my nose was from the cold.

"You alright?" He asked, my head leaned against his window.

"Yeah," I breathed, struggling to keep my eyes open, though my mind was very much awake and racing.

"You've been acting funny, did I upset you?" He glanced over at me, concern written all over his features. Had he always been this handsome?

"It's not you. I'm sorry," I lifted my head to look at him. Tequila and I are not friends. I flipped down the visor mirror to see a tiny it of smudged mascara under my eyes. I wiped it away, sighing for the hundredth time. "Joe just... things aren't going well. I slept on the couch last night. Well, barely. He's just so mean, you know?" I babbled drunkenly, a huge weight lifting after finally telling someone. "He always picks at everything I do. You complain all the time. You put too much salt in this. That isn't a real sustainable job, babe. We never shag anymore... Shag? Isn't that disgusting, Andy?"

I continued my drunken spiel, probably including more details than I should have. Andrew just kept his eyes on the road, sharing glances here and there to let me know he was listening.

The grande finale, "why can't all men just be like you? You would make a wonderful husband, you know. You wouldn't tell your girlfriend she's too lively in bed, would you?"

"No, I wouldn't," he laughed, shaking his head. He looked at me fondly. For once, it wasn't a look of sympathy. It was kind of sad, almost.

"I've said too much, haven't I?" I probably looked like a kicked puppy at the realisation, but one smile from him eased any disconcertion I had.

"Not at all," he sighed, staring at his hands on the wheel. "I have a lot to say. I just don't think I should be the one saying it."

"Well, now you have to tell me," I countered, lolling my head to the side to face him.

"He's a fuckwit," he shook his head, his grip on the wheel tightening. "He doesn't deserve you. Not even a little bit. He's going to fuck it up and won't realise what he's lost until it's too late. And you know what? Good."

He pulled onto the road before my house with perfect timing, getting out of the car to open my door for me. He took my hand in his, helping me out, and thank goodness he did, because I still nearly rolled my ankle. I laughed and let myself fall into his chest, steadying myself after a hearty, obnoxious laugh.

"Oh my God, I've made a complete fool of myself tonight," I sighed, this time it felt like a release, not a breath weighing me down. "Thank you for taking care of me, Andy."

"Anytime at all," he grinned leaning against his car. I couldn't help myself, lurching forward at him, wrapping my arms around his torso. My head barely reached his shoulder, even when standing on the curb.

"I loved your song," I murmured against his chest, pulling back to grab his face. He turned ghost white. "You are my favourite singer. Ever."

His cheeks darkened as he looked away, chuckling softly with the shake of his head.

"Drink lots of water for me tonight. That's an order as your favourite singer."

"Yes, Mr. Hozier-Byrne," I grinned, turning on my heels and heading for the door. The garage door was 1/4 open. Joe must be home early.

I fumbled through my purse for my keys, finding them after what felt like an eternity of great difficulty. I was going in with a good attitude. I was going to sit him down and hash this out. We can fix this. We've been together nearly 6 years, this is just a rough patch.

I walked up to my bedroom, sure my ears were deceiving me. When I opened my bedroom door, I saw red.

omg angst... just hear me out i have good direction for this one. i hope u enjoyed <3

#hozier #andrew hozier byrne #hozier x reader #hozier smut #andrew hozier

[my-deer-friend]

Hii I have a bit of personal question, if that is alright. I am very interested in the American Revolution but I do not live in America. I would like to become a historian or researcher of that time period one day. As a student do you think it is difficult to be a historian of the American Revolution when you are not American? I get a lot of books and information online, but I do not think it is the same as being in a place? Do you think your school program a good stepping stone to get into an American graduate school? Is that something you want to do one day?

Sorry for all the inquiries, you are just the only person on here who is in a similar situation as myself! Best wishes to you!

Hi Anon! This is a really good question, and I'll do my best to answer it as both a history student and a university professional.

(First, I'll note that my interest personally is not primarily in the American revolution, but rather in the 18th century more broadly. That includes lots of angles that I can pursue in Europe, not least looking at relations in the Atlantic world, the "republic of letters" and the enlightenment, and thematically I'm interested in queer history, which can be studied everywhere. I also have no desire to live in the US. But, yes, let's assume AmRev is the focus.)

There are different considerations for undergrad vs postgrad.

Undergraduate

At undergraduate level, it doesn't matter too much where you study. At this point in your journey, broadly speaking, the focus is on developing your academic skills, learning established content about your topic, and exploring a range of scholarly interests (not just the topic itself, but how to research that topic – i.e. methodologies). As long as your university has a department for American history, or even better a major, you're fine.

While you're busy with your degree, you can supplement your learning about the period in a lot of ways, including:

Using your own library to access books, journal articles and databases (and getting materials through inter-library loans if need be)

Using the vast and ever-growing online resources on American history provided by institutions like the Library of Congress, American universities and libraries (e.g. NYPL)

Where something isn't already available online, contacting the archive that has it and seeing if you can get a copy (I wrote a post about that)

Talk to your history prof about your interest, and they will probably be able to suggest some avenues to pursue. One very useful tool is to look up the AmRev curriculum or syllabus from other univerisities and see what readings and topics they cover (just google: "american revolution" syllabus). Here's one that came up.

And then – and I'll put this point in bold because it's the most important thing I'll say here:

👉✨Attend conferences✨👈

Conferences are where you make invaluable connections with like-minded scholars, hear about new research, find out about opportunities (scholarships, programs, funding, etc.), discover what a career in academia actually looks like, get advice from people already doing the job you want to do, and so on. There are even conferences specifically for undergrad students, or there might be a track at a generalist conference that allows emerging researchers to present on a topic. Lots of these take place online (hence, cheaper), or you might be able to apply for funding from your university to attend (or idk you have a fabulously wealthy great-aunt).

Postgraduate

While undergrad is more about learning, postgrad is more about finding out. The higher up the ladder you go, the narrower your focus becomes, and you start to need more specialised guidance. To get the most out of your learning, you need to go where the experts are, and naturally, many of the most cutting-edge scholars on American history are, well, in America. You'll want to be surrounded by a community of like-minded scholars. And yeah, "being there" can be important not just for better access to primary materials, but also for insights that come from physical, social and cultural proximity.

That said, I don't think it's impossible (or inadvisable) to study the American revolution outside of America; it's just trickier. Doing that successfully comes down to 1) finding the right advisor and 2) choosing the right topic.

By this point, you should know who the leading scholars are in your particular niche of interest. Nobody really studies "the American revolution" writ large; rather, they (and you) will focus on the political or racial or sociocultural or regional or culinary or-- whatever aspect of it. It might just happen that the people in your field are located near you.

You can also approach the topic from a different angle – start from a local point of interest that you can to relate to the AmRev. (Maybe you're Italian, and you know about Italian History Blorbo who went to fight in the war, and there's a story to tell there. Maybe you're Dutch and you have things to say about the intricacies of the financial and political support the Netherlands gave to America. And so on.) This might, in fact, lead to novel insights and perspectives that haven't been explored yet.

Good luck to you!

If anyone wants to share their own experiences, please feel free!

#amrev #american history #gradblr #feel free to send any follow-up questions #as you can see i'm very capable of rambling on about this topic

[passionateseadruid]

Snake King's bride 4

⚠️CONTENT WARING: THERE WILL BE SOME MENTIONS OF PERIODS THIS CHAPTER! IT'S NOT THE WHOLE CHAPTER I'LL MARK WERE IT IS SO IF ANYONE IS UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT YOU CAN JUST SKIP. IT'S NOTHING GRAFFIC BUT I UNDERSTAND IF IT MIGHT MAKE SOME OF YOU UNCOMFORTABLE! ALSO FORCED KISSING FROM HERE ON OUT!⚠️ Sometimes I need to write shit for myself okay!

Two weeks had past since you'd met Charlie and Renesmee and her wife (Nina) had started to work for you. Renesmee had become a maid to you. Waking you up, helping you pick out your outfit, and she and Nina would have breakfast with you the days Lucifer didn't make you breakfast.

Nina was a tall succubus. She had cotton candy pink skin and hot pink hair, and her horns resembled a heart but they pointed outward. Nina wore a slick leather outfit with a bulletproof vest and forearm and shin pads. For a succubus Nina wasn't particularly curvy but she was very tall, 7 feet tall in fact. You didn't exactly make the best first impression with her because the first thing you said was "Dang where did the WNBA hide you?"

Other than the scowl she had on her face she was always cordial at breakfast. And she seemed to get along well enough with Pluto the head of Lucifer's security.

////////////////////////////////////////

WARNING PERIOD CONTENT AHEAD!

One morning you awoke in a pool of your own blood with a splitting pain in your abdomen.

"I'm dying." You mumbled.

"DARLING WHAT'S WRONG?" Lucifer bursts in with a puff of red smoke. He sees you on the bed dark red, almost black, on the sheets. He was in his normal outfit, minus the hat, jacket and cane.

"I'm so glad I used your old shirt as my pajama's last night." You mumbled and got up. "Did- Charlie is half angel."

"Yes?"

"But then again Lilith was human wasn't she? Well you do know what a period is. Do you have anything to deal with this?"

"Oh your uh- I'll have someone clean up the sheets and blankets. How about I run a bath for you and make you some food?" 

"I'll go run a bath and if you decide to make me food you can have Renesmee or Styx deliver it."

"Nonsense! And let them see your body, especially before I get to? Unthinkable. Why are you so mean to me?"

"You're the one who caused this asshole.

"Well now we know when you're ovulating, next month I can take care of this problem for you~" You rush to the bathroom and lock the door. "Think about it! For nine months you would get to eat whatever you wanted and you wouldn't have to deal with a period~"

"Please just get me some pain meds and pads!"

Before you appeared a light pink bottle and a glass. Outside the door you hear a big thud and when you crack the door you see packets of every type of hygiene product you might need. Tampons, pad with and without wings, thin and thick. You name it it was in there.

"At least he's not asking me what size pussy I wear." You rolled your eyes.

(A/n: That's so Adam core, I miss him so much. ;-;)

////////////////////////////////////////

OKAY IT'S OVER

You get out of the tub and wrap a towel around you and step into your room to change into some sweatpants and a zipper hoodie.

"You uh... you look comfy." You quickly turn around and see Lucifer standing in the doorway, pancakes in his hands. His cheeks were even more red then the clown circles he has.

"How long have you been standing there?"

"I-I didn't see anything! Really! You just look so comfy. I never got to see Lilith in anything that didn't show off her curves so seeing my bride to be in something that looks so soft is... different. A good different for sure! Can I... can I have a hug please? I just want to feel how soft it is."

"No."

He rolls his eyes. He walks over to a little mahogany table between the bed and the bathroom. Couches on either side. "You know, I don't get you. I've given you everything you could ask for and more. But you don't seem to care. You just sit around in the library or in your room all day. You're not trying to get to know me like you claim. And another thing, I know that you're not traditional. I may not know what your reason for telling these lies is but I know when you lie."

'That's right. One of his epithets is the father of lies.'

"Thank you for what you've done for me this morning. But I'd like to be left alone." 

"As you wish darling." He takes his leave. 

Nina and Renesmee walked in and you sat on one of the couches to eat the pancakes that Lucifer made for you. Renesmee cleaned up the room and you looked at her. "Hey do you need any help?"

"Miss please we go through this every day. I'm your maid, and I'm sure the king would prefer if you didn't lift a finger."

"I don't care what the king says. I don't want you to overwork yourself."

"I'm fine miss. I'm much more equipped to be a maid than my position in my old job. I'm quick and I like rolling around on the janitor cart."

"I still feel bad. I've never had a maid in my life. On top of that the king is okay with this unfair social system where Imps are looked down upon simply because of how they were born. I'm not going to participate in that just because it's how the way things are."

"Ahem!" Styx Calls from the doorway. "Sorry to interrupt but the king has sent some files over regarding the Halloween ball that will be held at the end of the month. He also sent a note. 'Sorry to drop this on you doll but Lilith was usually the one to handle planning the events we hosted. I've sent over everything we have regarding past years, please see to it by the end of the day and if you could select one of the couples costumes I've chosen for us to wear.' "

You took the files from them and looked through them. "Thank you Styx... here this is the costume I want." You hand a photo to them and start looking through the other files. You spend the rest of the day getting it ready, with the help of Renesmee and Nina of course. Ordering decoration, hiring a caterer, hiring temporary staff to help attendants, renting furniture, booking a band, and making a guest list.

"Do you guys think they'll play monster mash?" You ask the women.

"I don't know what that is, miss." Renesmee shook her head.

"Human music my love." Nina said monotonously.

"What do you think you two will wear?"

"Oh! uh..." Renesmee looked away bashfully.

"We're not coming." Nina said in the same tone.

"What? Why?" You asked disappointed.

"We get one night off we're not spending it at work." Nina glared at you.

"Okay, you don't have to come. I just thought it would be fun to have you two there." You dropped the issue.

////////////////////////////////////////

At the end of the month you (unwillingly) got ready for the party. You put on a short red dress with a sweetheart neckline and an under bust corset, along with a small white waist apron. Several stylists crowd around you. Lucifer had cast an illusion on you earlier that day to transform you identically to how you looked the day you went to the mall with him. One of the stylists curled your hair, one worked on your nails, one worked on your make-up (applying bright red lipstick and such) and the last was supervising and communicating with Lucifer's stylists.

"No Sharron! I told you we cannot compromise on the ears. Madam Rouge personally made these designs, she's going to be there tonight, and if everything is not to her liking she is going to have a fit.

...

Well the king should have thought about that before he ordered it.

...

If he thinks it embarrassing maybe HE should have picked out the costume.

...

That's not my problem, Sharron. Madam Rogue isn't going to accept excuses, especially not "He was trying to make her more comfortable".

...

Like I JUST SAID Sharron. If the king thinks the faux fur ears are itchy he has to deal with it.

...

I don't care if he's the king Sharron! Fine if you're being a pussy I'll deal with it. Put him on the phone."

"I can deal with it ma'am."

"Would you? Thank you sweetheart, you're such a gem." She mutes the phone for a second. "Keep this between you and me, I prefer you over Lilith. That lazy bitch would NEVER have dealt with His Majesty when he's having one of his temper tantrums." You take the phone and un mute him as she keeps rambling. "He's worse than Vox and Val I swear. I don't care what Velvette says, that bitch is a liar, or she gives herself too much credit."

(A/n: Velvette and Vox! My BBGs❤️ Fuck Valentino! he's a piece of💩)

"Hi." You say into the unmuted receiver. "How are you?"

"Hi Darling! Everything is fine but the ears and gloves are kind of itchy. I'm glad that Rogue didn't insist on something weird for the tail like a-"

"Okay! Okay! That's enough. Look I know it might be uncomfortable but it's just for one night."

"I want a kiss for being good then."

"Fine. I'll see you in five'"

"Bye Darling~"

About an hour into the night you left Lucifer talking to some of his friends to go find some food. He wore all gray with wolf ears, claws, and a tail (attached to a belt; a tight leather one-piece with a faux fur collar; and some boots. You brought your red hood over your face to try to ward of lingering eyes trying to catch a peak at Lucifer's new bitch.

You looked back to the couple that he was talking to. An Imp almost his height with a green jester cap and a black and white stripped suit; paired with a tall demon with three faces dressed in a big ruffled red dress that had an open shirt in the front with pants.

You wandered around, looking at other people's costumes and trying to find the snack bar. That Madam Rouge lady had dressed up as Glenda from the wizard of Oz. There was a guy with a TV head who was dressed up like batman in the corner making out with a tall guy dressed up as the Joker. With a girl dressed up as Harley Quinn filming the whole thing.

You looked away and saw Charlie in a Green shirt with a big M on it and a matching tutu and bow and a girl next to her with gray skin and white hair dressed identically but in brown.

You wanted to make your way over to them but as soon as Charlie saw you she ran. You followed her to try and explain yourself. To try and see if she could get you out of Hell. 

"That's her Vaggie!"

"Hun calm down."

"Dad's breaking all the rules for a woman he just met!"

"We don't know that."

"Vaggie! She's human! Living human souls aren't allowed in either of the afterlife's. My mom had to be turned into the first Succubus to even survive in Hell. This is breaking so many conventions. If he makes a deal for a soul he has to devour the person's soul or kill them and drag them to hell. He has a living human with him!"

'He certainly wants to devour me but not in the way you think Charlie.' you think.

"Maybe it's a misunderstanding. You could ask him."

"How can I ask him about her after I blew up at him!? How could he take a girl so young to be his wife? Vaggie she's so young she could be my grand kid!"

"Yeah but you've been alive for thousands of years Charlie. I don't think normal rules apply here."

"I just... wish that she had more time to experience independence before being thrust into this."

"He seems happy." This Vaggie girl said.

"I suppose. And I want him to be happy. He deserves to be happy. And she did invite us. Maybe she wants this. Okay. I'll go apologize to dad and tell him he has my blessing.

'Abort mission! Abort Mission!' You turn and run. You run so far away from the ball room you realize you've found yourself at the guest bathrooms.

"Wow! Hello cutie~" you turn around and see a man dressed as a vampire. "May I just say I love the costume! You're Luci's girl huh? What made you two want to be little red ridding hood and the big bad wolf."

"I felt it fitting. Him being a predator and me being his victim."

"Okay that turned dark real quick. Sold your soul to him huh?"

"No. I was sacrificed, by someone I thought was my friend."

"Oof. That's tough."

"I want to get away from him so badly." You confess. "I'm tired of him love bombing me steady."

"Maybe I can help. The names Agamemnon! I'm an up and coming overlord of Hell You sell your soul to me and I'll make sure you never have to talk to him again." He holds out his hand.

"Deal." You take his hand without thinking about it for even a second.

He takes off your cape, draping it over his arm and wraps his coat around you.

He led you through the ballroom toward the exit, and just when you are at the desolate foyer you two are blinded by a bright flash and when the light fades you look to Agamemnon and see that he is no longer standing nest to you, a pile of dust in his place, covering your red cape. You look back and see a seething Lucifer. His horns popped out, a small flame burning in between them, a halo surrounding his horns. His eyes were red, and he has puffing out smoke from his huffs.

He walked up to you and ripped off the coat burning it to ashes in an instant. He pulled the red cape back on you and grabbed on your wrist. "How DARE you! You sold your soul to a filthy SINNER? I've tried to be good. I've tried to seduce you. I've let you have your space. I've spoiled you. I was willing to give you time to fall in love with me. And yet apparently it hasn't been good enough for you. You know what? No more! You will be my wife, you will have my children, and you will LOVE ME!!" He pulled you back to the ball room. "If you say anything in there to ANYONE I'll kill your entire fucking family." He burst in and pulled you up on stage with him. "Attention everyone!" He smiled and continued. "We have an exciting announcement for you all! My beautiful bride and I are getting married in six months!" Your blood ran cold. For trying to run away he cut your time to escape in half. He knows what you're trying to do, but he needs time to prepare a wedding. He just got back into Charlie's good graces so he can't rush a wedding and mess things up.

For the rest of the night You stood next to him, his arm gripping your waist in a death grip, getting congrats and passive aggressively asking for an invitation.

"Hi..." Charlie came up to you and her dad. "I know that we didn't start off on the wrong foot, I've apologized to dad but I'd like to apologize to you as well."

"No that's okay. I grew up on the evil stepmom trope. I wouldn't blame you if you tried to shoot me with a shotgun but accidentally shot your dad and tried to frame me. I get it."

"Okay?"

"Have you never seen legally blonde?"

"No?"

"Oh, sorry to spoil the ending then."

"Anyway, I'm happy to have you join the family." She pulled you in for a hug. You hugged back as to not piss off Lucifer any more than you already had.

After the party Lucifer carried you to his room. you protested profusely and he threw you onto the bed. He held you down and snapped his fingers as your costume swapped into that of one of your night gowns. Your costume laid forgotten on his bed floor. He threw off his clothes and stayed in his boxers. "Don't get this twisted. This is not fun sexy times. I'm boing to hold you here tonight to make sure you understand that YOU. ARE. MINE."

"okay..." You nodded obediently. He pulled the covers over you both and wrapped his arm around you. His chest to four back.

"Goodnight doll. I hope you have sweet dreams of me~"

You said nothing as you cried yourself to sleep.

#vivziepop #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel fandom #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin lucifer #lucifer x reader #hazbin #hazbin lucifer x reader #lucifer morningstar x reader #lucifer x you #hazbin hotel x you #lucifer magne #lucifer mange x reader #hazbin lucifer morningstar #hazbin lucifer x you #hazbin yandere lucifer #yandere lucifer #lucifer morningstar x you #yandere lucifer x reader #yandere #soft yandere #yandere x darling #yandere lucifer morningstar #hazbin oc #hazbin hotel oc #hazbin original character #hellaverse oc

[bubblespalace]

Angst

Can you do the diaboys react to their s/o who was killed by one of the others(Diaboys) because they drank to much of her blood

Love your posts btw 🫶🏼

If their S/O was killed by another diaboy taking too much blood

Bubble: OOH! I like this idea! If ya'll didn't know, I'm great at angst. ;) Thanks for the request anon! <33 And thank you for your support!!

I only did the Sakaboys for this post, if you want a Mukami version, feel free to request again!! <3

TW: Death, Suicide, Blood, Gore, Language.

Under the cut:

Shu:

It seemed to be a normal day for Shu. He woke up, to his dismay, and went to school as usual. As he was laying with his back to the wall in one of the school hallways with less light, he listened to his music, eyes closed in his exhaustion. However, he couldn't remember the last time he saw you. Were you even in the car with him when the rest of his brothers and him were on their way? It was strange, since you normally sought him out during this time of the night, when you had some extra time between classes. It made Shu wonder what it was you were doing.

He quicked up the faintest sound of footsteps on his left side, immediately knowing it was his younger brother by the way they sounded. "Here to scold me again for how I'm not in class?" He asked with a sigh. "Bothersome..." Reiji's movements came to a halt and Shu opened his eyes and stared up at him. There was something different about how his brother looked down at his face. "Why are you here?" He questioned, raising a golden eyebrow.

"It has come to my attention... that I must inform you of something..." Reiji muttered, holding his hands behind his back. His eyes darted to the floor, unable to make full eye contact. "This morning, Miss Y/N came into my laboratory." He took a breath that seemed unstable. "I may have bit into her with the mere intention of drinking some of her blood but..."

As he trailed off, Shu's half-lidded eyes widened, looking up at his younger brother in shock. "D-did you...?" Reiji shut his eyes and looked at the blank wall. "You bastard. I know that you despise me, but there was no reason to ki-" He voice broke, the hall was so silent you could hear his labored breathing. With his supernatural speed, he got up and pushed Reiji against the wall, squeezing his neck in his fist. The dark-haired man's eyes widened and his glasses slid down his nose, looking at his older sibling in terror as he tried to breathe. "I should fucking snap your neck. But no, that would be too good for you, wouldn't it?" Warm tears rolled down his face as he blinked them out of his vision and glared at the vampire between him and the wall. "I'll get you back for this, I swear to God." Shu quickly teleported back home and stormed into the empty lab, there you were, your crimson blood all over the table and floor, some of it already dried. The normally wonderful smell made the blonde feel disgusted as he stepped closer, you beautiful face was covered in red and your eyes were wide open. Blood dripped from your slashed neck like a waterfall while Shu held back more tears and brushed your soaked hair out of your face. "I'm so sorry." He mumbled down to you as he held you, your blood staining his uniform. "I really am..."

Reiji:

School was giving Reiji a headache today, his focus wasn't as good as it was regularly. He could barely pay attention to the equations being written on the board, variables started to jumble with other numbers in his head, causing a pressure to form on both his temples. When the bell finally rang, it came to his tired mind that he should have you in his next class. You were always a wonderful study partner, and what is even better is that having you around might boost his mood.

However, that class had come and gone without you seated next to him. So during his free period, he searched for you. But when he couldn't find you, worry hit him like a bus. Thoughts of you escaping and leaving him empty attacked him. He became slightly more frantic until he came across a closet. The scent of your blood filled his senses, alerting him. He opened the door, missing the elegance and grace he normally held himself with.

You were laying on the concrete floor in a pool of your own blood, Reiji could tell you were just hanging on so when he slammed the door shut, he quickly got down on his knees. "Y/N... Whatever in the world happened? Who...?" He trailed off, his eyes zeroing in on the bite mark on your neck. "Shu" He spat with venom, tears forming in the corner of his eyes.

You met his eyes and forced your hand up with all your strength so you could touch his face. "Reiji, there's nothing you can do. You're not going to be able to save me, he hit an artery..."

"Don't tell me there's nothing I can do. I'll say when I can't save you." He retorted, his magenta eyes misty. "I'll save you. If not then-"

"Rei." You muttered, brushing his hair out of his face as he looked down at you. "You really have to learn to let things be... I love you."

The light faded from your eyes immediately and Reiji held back a sound of despair. "I'll bring you back... I don't care about that woman anymore, I'll bring you back to me..."

Ayato:

"Chichinashi! Time for my takoyak-" Ayato cut himself off when the scent of blood filled his nostrils, your blood. It filled the air like a sweet aroma, but Ayato knew them and there was something wrong.

That's when his emerald eyes fell on a hand peeking out from behind the island in the home economics room, he hurried to teleport behind it. You were sprawled out, bleeding from a large bite in your collarbone. It seemed you were even fading in and out of consciousness. "Chichi- Y/N! What? Who...?" Ayato's voice cracked and he slid down on his knees, pushing his arms underneath you and bringing your head up on his lap.

"Ruki tried to bite me, and I tried to fight him off... Didn't really work so well." You coughed, wincing at the pain. Ayato's expression was twisted into worry, and as your vision blurred, you thought you saw tears forming. "I'm sorry, I really tried, Ayato." You whispered, closing your eyes.

Ayato held back a sound of despair, gripping onto your now cold body. "I should be sorry..."

Kanato:

As soon as Kanato noticed your absence in history class, he stood up and walked out the door, not caring what the teacher thought. He gripped Teddy against his chest, the thoughts for everything you could be doing flooding his brain. Was someone else touching you?? He would kill them, dispose of them and then show you why he claimed you. His senses immediately focused on the sweet smell of your blood, his irises swirled with rage as he storms into the otherwise empty women's locker room. You were leaning against a locker, a tired look on your face as red liquid dripped down your neck. Kanato flew into rage, screaming as loud as he could. "Who touched you?! Who?! Why did you let them hurt you?!"

You weakly looked at him and grabbed his hand gently, throwing him off. "Kana, trust me, I didn't want it. I wouldn't do that to you." You muttered, pulling him closer to you, which luckily, he allowed.

"But why!? Why would you let..." His eyes glanced at your neck, recognizing the bite mark. "Azusa of all people! Am I not enou-" Quickly, you pulled his lips to yours, letting him take his anger out through kisses one last time. It felt intense, like two waves crashing against each other one last time before the ocean stopped moving completely.

After a second, you pulled away, a tear falling down your cheek. "You've always been more than enough." You whispered, resting your forehead against his. "Don't yell, spend our last moments together holding me, please."

Kanato dropped Teddy to the floor carelessly and held you carefully until you became just like his other dolls, emotionless, soulless, and dead. "My poor dolly..." He sobbed, burying his face in your blood soaked hair. "I love you."

Laito:

"Bitch-chan~ Ooh! How fun to find you in the Biology classroom! You sure thought that out well~ Did you want to have some study time with your Laito-kun?" Laito chuckled as he peaked into the doorway, only to find you haphazardly spread out on a desk, your blood staining the light wood a dark shade of crimson. His face and stomach dropped and quickly rushed in, placing a finger to your wrist to check your pulse. "Bitc- Y/N, wake up please." He muttered, a rare terrified look on his face.

Your eyes fluttered open and met his green ones. "Lai?" You said, your voice strained. "I didn't want it... I swear, I'd never leave you-" You were cut off by Laito placing a finger to your lips, brushing his thumb against them softly. It was rare to see him like this, it was like he was acting like a normal teenager who was concerned, not your Laito.

"I know... I know, you would never try." He paused, his voice wavering. "You love me, you actually love me, right? You taught me the real meaning..."

You closed your eyes and parted your lips as he pressed a soft kiss to them, his nose grazing yours. "I love you, truly..." You muttered, just before you felt your own body go limp before you could do anything else.

Laito was left, a tear running through his eyelashes and down to your cold cheek. "I do too..."

Subaru:

Subaru laid, next to you, a knife in his hand. You looked at it sadly, before your eyes darted to his. "Subaru, no please. You will be okay without me." You muttered, too low on the energy and blood to raise your voice.

His expression was not something you could read at the moment. You had been unable to focus since Kou had drained you a little too much, your vision was slowly starting to go, and touches were getting fainter, like you were drifting away from reality, from the love you had only just found. "I can't... I can't stay on a plane without you."

"Then it's my last wish..." You pleaded, biting your lip as you touch his hand that was holding the dagger. "I'll be heartbroken if I see you up there the moment I leave."

Subaru exhaled, shutting his ruby eyes before hugging you to his chest, water pouring like waterfalls down his face. As your body untensed, you thought you would leave this world knowing your darling would fall in love again. But before you lost your hearing, you heard him mumble shakily. "I'm not going up there anyway..."

#diabolik lovers #kanato sakamaki #laito sakamaki #ayato sakamaki #reiji sakamaki #shu sakamaki #diaboliklovers #subaru sakamaki #angst #death #tw suicide #tw blood #sakamaki brothers #diahell #diabolik lovers fandom #diabolik lovers fanfiction #writers on tumblr

[soracities]

Me and my gf of 4 years broke up recently and the last few months, as things got worse, I was writing really well. You know that Siken tweet about the vocabulary of loss being the dictionary? But now that we've finally broken up I cant write anything.

I've always used writing to process things - I need to write stuff, to sound it out, to see if thats how I feel. I don't know what's going on. I assume I'm just not feeling my feelings but I don't know how to do it.

I'm sure I'll be fine, this is not an SOS, but do you have any tips? It feels like Im stuck and its frustrating.

Love ur blog and your kind words, stay safe, have fun, X

I'm really, really sorry about your breakup anon, and I'm sorry too that you're going through such a frustrating an difficult time in the wake of it all. Someone asked about writer's block a while back which I answered here, though I don't know how much of it will help in this particular situation.

I think it's interesting that you make a distinction between processing your feelings and actually feeling them--why are they different? do you think you're removed from your feelings when you're writing to process them? And if so, is writing in order to process something actually putting you in touch with the real, raw emotion or simply breaking it down without fully acknowledging and being present with those feelings?

I ask because I'm also someone who needs to write and sound my feelings out sometimes, but I've found I'm also someone who runs a deep risk of intellectualising my feelings when I do write about them--writing, even when processing, happens at a distance for me and in some ways I've found it's more an escape than a confrontation; my feelings, when I write about them (and I rarely do it because of this, and other reasons), turn into a narrative that circumvents the simple acknowledgement of "x happened. I feel y," and moving on. I'm not saying that this is you, but as someone who often has difficulty feeling my feelings, even through personal writing, it may be worth asking if your writing, much as it helps you process, might also be a way of avoiding a necessary confrontation with your emotions and just sitting with them, before writing about them. As I said, feeling my feelings is something I struggle with, but a dear friend shared this chart which has done wonders for me, so maybe it can help you, too (I hope)

I think it's also important to acknowledge that 4 years is a long, long time to be with someone and then no longer be with them. And if things, as you said, were particularly bad in the past few months before it happened, it could simply be that you, your mind, needs a period of stillness and recovery to full come to terms with what has happened. You have to let the reality of it all settle in, and maybe you cannot write as you used to right now because that settling hasn't fully happened yet; some things don't need to be analysed in the moment--they simply need an acknowledgement and that alone is enough to give some breathing space. I don't know if any of this will help you, anon, but I sincerely hope you can take something from it. I hope in time you are able to come back to yourself in the healthiest way for you 💗

#ask #Anonymous #notes from elsewhere #please ignore the reddit mens lib thing

[magicpenpal]

Ok when I said "theres propably going to be more of this in the future" in my last post, even I didnt think I'd be back with this Au this soon. But something came to mind that I wanted to expand on, that being how Clover could go outside without being detected by the royal guard. Just wanted to share a few rough ideas bouncing around in my brain.

Monsters seem to struggle to recognize humans. So a simple mask may be enough to keep Clover safe while not at home. I liked the idea of Clover perhaps using a mask like Cerobas, if there are more like it. Otherwise Im sure Martlet would be happy to help. Even if a mask might be enough, it seems too risky to have Clover be out in the underground, with just that to hide their identity. Additionally putting them in a (maybe oversized?) robe should do the trick tho. They are not allowed to wear their hat tho. Period. Too recognizable.

Is "disguise magic" a thing? That would seem like an ideal solution, albeit a bit too convinient imo. Coming up with a bird version of Clover was fun tho! (I think there even is a fanfiction about something like that) If they get to fully look like a monster, they could risk wearing their hat again. Itd be a pretty solid disguise after all...

#clover uty #utdr #sketch #undertale yellow #uty #uty au #undertale yellow au