#please ignore the reddit mens lib thing

[soracities]

Me and my gf of 4 years broke up recently and the last few months, as things got worse, I was writing really well. You know that Siken tweet about the vocabulary of loss being the dictionary? But now that we've finally broken up I cant write anything.

I've always used writing to process things - I need to write stuff, to sound it out, to see if thats how I feel. I don't know what's going on. I assume I'm just not feeling my feelings but I don't know how to do it.

I'm sure I'll be fine, this is not an SOS, but do you have any tips? It feels like Im stuck and its frustrating.

Love ur blog and your kind words, stay safe, have fun, X

I'm really, really sorry about your breakup anon, and I'm sorry too that you're going through such a frustrating an difficult time in the wake of it all. Someone asked about writer's block a while back which I answered here, though I don't know how much of it will help in this particular situation.

I think it's interesting that you make a distinction between processing your feelings and actually feeling them--why are they different? do you think you're removed from your feelings when you're writing to process them? And if so, is writing in order to process something actually putting you in touch with the real, raw emotion or simply breaking it down without fully acknowledging and being present with those feelings?

I ask because I'm also someone who needs to write and sound my feelings out sometimes, but I've found I'm also someone who runs a deep risk of intellectualising my feelings when I do write about them--writing, even when processing, happens at a distance for me and in some ways I've found it's more an escape than a confrontation; my feelings, when I write about them (and I rarely do it because of this, and other reasons), turn into a narrative that circumvents the simple acknowledgement of "x happened. I feel y," and moving on. I'm not saying that this is you, but as someone who often has difficulty feeling my feelings, even through personal writing, it may be worth asking if your writing, much as it helps you process, might also be a way of avoiding a necessary confrontation with your emotions and just sitting with them, before writing about them. As I said, feeling my feelings is something I struggle with, but a dear friend shared this chart which has done wonders for me, so maybe it can help you, too (I hope)

I think it's also important to acknowledge that 4 years is a long, long time to be with someone and then no longer be with them. And if things, as you said, were particularly bad in the past few months before it happened, it could simply be that you, your mind, needs a period of stillness and recovery to full come to terms with what has happened. You have to let the reality of it all settle in, and maybe you cannot write as you used to right now because that settling hasn't fully happened yet; some things don't need to be analysed in the moment--they simply need an acknowledgement and that alone is enough to give some breathing space. I don't know if any of this will help you, anon, but I sincerely hope you can take something from it. I hope in time you are able to come back to yourself in the healthiest way for you 💗

#ask #Anonymous #notes from elsewhere #please ignore the reddit mens lib thing

[daenerysoftarth]

“Not like other girls”, “girlboss”, and it’s just women not wanting to be used as a broodmare or a tool for men to use and discard as they please, and vigorously speaking out against it apparently.

As we all know, developing an analysis of the horrors of gendered oppression is the most masculine and not like other girls thing you can do, because women are just supposed to lie back and quietly take it, isn’t that right ladies ?

The idea that Rhaenyra does not experience reproductive coercion drives me crazy. The only explanation is a gender bioessentialist one where women are entitled to compassion and sympathy for suffering gender based violence but trying to escape it and resist is perverse, deviant, and “acting like a man.” Truly so depressing and scary people think this way.

Legit this. It’s depressing how many women condemn other women for what basically amounts to not conforming to gender roles. They make up things like Rhaenyra being NLOG (or Arya or Dany) to justify their dislike, but ultimately it’s another way of punishing women for not minding their ‘place.’

Likewise I notice this Reddit-ization of the word ‘girlboss’ whereupon it’s applied to literally any woman in a position of power, so as to undermine her authority. The original creation of ‘girlboss’ was mostly by MLM scams trying to recruit stay at home moms into their business whilst not threatening traditional gender roles; this evolved into feminists mocking this term, as it obviously implies that the word ‘boss’ is male coded, and because it was used so widely for MLM scams. It eventually came into use to criticize liberal feminism, wherein slapping female leaders onto objectively terrible acts or organizations was branded as progressive, whilst those same leaders ignored the plight of any woman who wasn’t straight, white, and rich. Now the comedy of that word has come full circle with people stealing it once more, but now to apply it to literally any woman in a position of power, so as to mock her authority.

I’d argue that the lib version of ‘girlboss’ could apply to Rhaenyra, because she’s obviously a highly privileged woman in a position of power whose ascension to power doesn’t automatically represent the freedom of women in all of Westeros. However, the modern usage of the word has caused it to lose all meaning. And I feel as though now it’s almost being used to criticize Rhaenyra for merely trying to ascend the Throne, whilst being a woman. That merely the act of her trying to become Queen is an example of ‘being a girlboss’ and worthy of laughs, because how could a girl ever think she’s able to rule? (Edit: I think I feel this way particularly because of how many show fans I see using this word to criticize Rhaenyra, when in the show her policies haven’t been shown as of yet. Her status as a female leader who does or doesn’t care about her fellow women hasn’t been shown yet, so the criticism of her as a ‘girlboss’ feels especially off base. The only way it applies imo would be the fact that she’s a monarch ascending on blood alone, but this is ASOIAF and that criticism applies to literally all of the characters including the Greens.) Once again, I feel as though it’s another form of laughing at women for not conforming to gender roles

There are legitimate criticisms to be had of Rhaenyra and of HOTD in general, but imo we need to retire the term ‘girlboss’ from those criticisms because people have lost the plot

Thank you for your ask!

#does this make sense? idk I’m super sleep deprived #I tried #rhaenyra targaryen #asoiaf #hotd #team black #asks #my posts #valyrianscrolls