#Mentally emotionally and physically so of fucking course I need to catch a break.

[bluethedream]

final working day of 1401, over :)

#sabi's words #If there's actually anybody reading these I mean the final workday of 1401 this year in the solar calendar #so. I told my boss I'm gonna quit. She asked me why and I said it's too much for me to work and study at the same time and that I need a #break. And she looked at me liked I'd grown horns. (everybody looks at me like that when I say it. What #What can't a 21yo catch a break? Can't a 21yo get tired? Is it such a foreign notion? I have cardio problems at this age and have burntout #Mentally emotionally and physically so of fucking course I need to catch a break. #Anyway. #She said 'you're going you have energy at least work this summer just 3 days a week' #And I repeated myself that I won't and it's too much and I need to take a break but then she turned away and told me to reconsider it and #that she'll talk to me about it later #but I know I'm not gonna reconsider and no amount of raise or less working hours is gonna convince me to stay at this job that has taken. #everything. Everything. From me. #It's made me depressed and anxious and took away my confidence and sense self worth and given me heart problems and digestion problems and. #the list goes on. #I wanna think that I'm a valuable asset to her as everyone around me says I am and that that's why she's asking me to stay even for 3measly #Months but I know she's short on work force and needs people to stay here and is only asking me to stay because she needs work force. Not #because she needs me specifically. When I was hired here I thought it was because of my stellar resume and high skills but no turns out she #was also short on work force back then. #ugh. Anyway. Bottom line. I'm gonna be broke but I prefer that to staying in this place.

[sliceroftpeirweirisles]

Whumpuary 2024 Day 6

6. (Jan 11-12) Exhaustion / Blindfolded / Old Injuries

Barry Bluejeans was a strong man. Well, maybe not physically, but mentally he was strong. He could calculate the rate of necrotic damage at any skill level of a warlock. He could measure the precise amount of hair that he could grow on his chin in three days. He knew he was smart and therefore strong. 

On the other hand, emotionally? He wasn’t very strong in that area. 

For a man so strong in logic, he couldn’t understand how emotions continued to break him down. He knew, logically, that the night terrors weren’t real. He knew they just weren’t feasible any longer. There’s no Hunger, no threat to their plane of existence. No grand relics and no war. Nevertheless, he found himself waking up from night terrors long after everything started to settle down. The first two nights were fairly easy to keep under wraps. Barry had suffered from them before, but it had been months since his last one. Lup shook him awake on the third night after she found Barry crying out for her in their bed. 

After that night, he was determined to try and stop the nightmares from happening. Barry turned to his strength - his books - and started studying. He dove into logical explanations and jotted down notes about night terrors. He started coming up with a plan to build another body tank, just in case they needed it. He also read up on potions and home remedies for night terrors. Anything he felt the need to study, he'd drag out the chore into hours of reading and notes.

To further keep from falling asleep, he hung out with the twins and Kravitz who never needed to sleep. Taako and Lup were Twosun elves, which means they did sleep occasionally, they just didn't need it as often as humans. Lup used to be a lich and didn't need sleep, but since she gained her body back Barry found her catching up on that sleep a lot. Mostly with Taako at her side, the other times with himself. Kravitz was, of course, the Grimm Reaper. Not needing sleep is pretty much given to him. So Barry ended up spending nights at a time just chatting with the three of them in their shared living room.

One night of studying night terrors turned to two, turned to three. 

On the fourth night, Lup walks in on Barry barely keeping it together in the lab. 

“Babe, how long has it been since you’ve slept?” Lup asks as she moseys over to her husband at his desk. 

“Mm…” Barry mutters as he stares into a microscope at his latest project. Lup leans over his shoulder and reads some unintelligible scribble on one of the microscope slides. She can’t tell what he’s studying, but he’s definitely staring intently at something. 

“What are you looking at, Bluejeans?” Lup muses as she pokes his cheek.

He rouses and backs up to look at his wife. “M’spit” he mumbles and rubs at his eyes.

“Bear, why the fuck are you studying your spit?” 

“There’s somethin’ in it…” Barry removes his hands to reveal his eyes have deep dark circles under them. 

Lup grimaces slightly at the state of her husband and sighs. “Pack it up there, Bear. Time for bed.” 

“No, I’m studying, I promise I'm fine. I’m just not done yet.” Barry sounds like a small child insisting he can stay up late. Lup reaches out to take Barry’s glasses gently off of his face, earning a protest from the man. She knows he can't do shit without them. “Lup, please. I’m not done.” 

“And I’m not kidding, Barry. You’re exhausted, look at yourself.” 

“Lup, I’m not tired!” Barry shouts, glaring up at the elf. His angry expression falls instantaneously when he sees Lup is taken aback by his outburst. “I-I’m sorry, I just… I…” 

Lup gently folds Barry’s glasses and sets them on the desk. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just hurt my feelings… I need you to be honest with me, babe. When’s the last time you slept?” She crosses her arms and leans against the desk, staring down at Barry.

Likewise, Barry stares up at her, a nervous energy vibrating through him. Should he be honest? Could he even lie about it at this point? Lup looks pretty when she’s mad… 

“Four…” is all Barry can make out before he breaks the eye contact and rubs his face again. 

“Four what? Hours?” 

“Days…” 

There’s an uncomfortable silence in the room as Barry’s hands don’t leave his face. Lup wants to yell. Scream at Barry for doing this to himself. Yeah, they were reapers, but he was still a human in a squishy, human, sleep-deprived body that needed sleep. Lup wants to yell, but instead, she sits for a moment and then lets out the most controlled sigh before standing up straight. 

“C’mon, Bear.” Lup takes his hands and moves them from his face. 

Barry sniffles and obliges, trying his damndest to not look Lup in the eye. He stands when Lup tugs at his arms to pull him up. She doesn’t let go as she leads Barry away from the lab, away from the basement, away from the living room. When they reach the bedroom, Barry starts to weep openly and it breaks Lup’s heart. 

“Talk to me, babe. What’s going on?” Lup pulls Barry into her arms, gentle hands rubbing his back. 

“I can’t do it, Lup… I don’t wanna sleep. It hurts too much.” 

“Hurts?” Lup questions, a hand gently raking through Barry’s thick brown hair. 

“The nightmares… They keep– keep taking you from me.” His side of the hug turns to trembling as he uses all his depleted strength to hug Lup. “I don’t wanna lose you again.” 

Lup holds her husband in her arms as tears prick at the edges of her vision. She knows what she did to him hurt Barry. She knows this is her fault, that he’s going through unimaginable trauma. Lup pulls away from the hug and leads Barry to bed, sitting him down on the edge. She looks him in the eye, a serious look on her face.

“I’m not going anywhere, Barry Bluejeans… I love you, and I’m not leaving you, never again. I swear.”

Barry nods and rubs at the tears across his cheeks. “That’s just it, I-I know you’re not gonna go anywhere. My subconscious is just having… having a hard time catching up.” 

Lup smiles softly and kneels down, taking off Barry’s shoes and socks. “Then we’ll teach it. You love learning, babe. You can learn to tell your brain to shut up. You’re strong like that.” 

Barry sniffles and smiles slightly at that statement. He doesn’t feel like he can be strong like that right now, but Lup’s words are encouraging. 

“Tonight though,” Lup states as she helps Barry into the covers. “Tonight, you are allowed to be weak. I’ll be here to be strong for you.” Lup climbs into bed with Barry and tucks herself beside him. “I’ll be here, Barry… I’m right here.” 

#whumpuary2024 #whumpuaryno6 #tw sleep deprivation #tw past trauma #taz #the adventure zone #taz balance #barry bluejeans #lup

[safetycar-restart]

I have an oddly specific prompt for Pierre!

So, we have always portrayed Pierre as a sub who wants to be completely WRECKED. Idk why, I am here to slightly psychoanalyse.

So I am thinking of a sub!Pierre who absolutely doesn't know his limits. However, it is not, in the same way that for example sub!Lando not knowing his limits comes from purely being inexperienced and eager to please. I somehow have a more angsty backstory for Pierre's love for extremes.

Pierre is like that because of his self-destructive tendencies, fueled by the greed of past dom's in his life to take whatever they can from him. Therefore Pierre has a slightly fucked up view of his own subspace until he meets you. These past experiences might have left physical and mental scars (not being able to safeword for example) and he expects the exact same treatment from you.

However, you are there to introduce him to an emotionally and physically safe subspace journey. It catches him off guard but even if he resists and is frustrated in the beginning, he becomes the most grateful sub at the end.

Idk, what do you think? :)

🐍

🐍 anon, you’ve outdone yourself here holy shit. I love this so so much.

The first point of concern would be when you ask Pierre for his boundaries and for what he won’t do and he doesn’t have an answer for you. Even when you prompt him, suggesting things you’re sure he won’t be comfortable with, he still doesn’t say anything

With a past Dom, i think in some way Pierre kinda thrived in that environment where he got pushed to extremes and had no way of making his Dom stop. He thought that was the only way to reach the subspace he needed. So he expects the same from you. He knows he’s into some pretty extreme shit, but he still thinks the premise is the same even for someone into less extreme things: the Dom does whatever they want and the sub takes it.

The problem with this though, is that if Pierre couldn’t take what his Dom was doing, not only would Pierre not be able to safeword, but he would feel like a terrible sub. He’d hate himself for not liking what his Dom was giving him.

And then he starts to talk about aftercare and your heart just breaks. Pierre was lucky if his old Dom left him a blanket and a towel at the end of a scene. Even after those extremely intense scenes, he never received any real aftercare and was tricked into believing that it’s the sub’s job to look after themselves after a scene.

You, of course, are absolutely horrified to hear this and try your best to explain to Pierre that what he went through was terrible and that no one deserves that.

But this leaves Pierre so confused because he genuinely did enjoy some of the really extreme shit he did with his past Dom and you’ve just come in and turned his world upside down. He starts to wonder if he’s fucked up for liking some of what his old Dom did to him? If maybe, he has to go back to his old Dom because no one else will take him anymore?

You beg him not to to back to his old Dom, even offering him numbers for friends of yours that you know will look after him (even though you already hate the idea of anyone else domming Pierre, you’d rather have it be someone knew and trusted).

But, Pierre agrees to scene with you. He’s annoyed and frustrated at first, because he’s convinced that your way won’t work. But at the same time, there’s a part of him that yearns to be treated softly and looked after.

He’s so fucking thankful that you pushed him and got him to do a scene with you. Because it’s just so incredible.

You do spank him, because you know he likes pain. But you avoid anything more intense than that. And you’re so kind to him the whole time, making sure he knows you’re there snd you care for him and always asking for his colour to make sure he’s doing okay.

You do eventually work back up to the more extreme things that Pierre likes. But it’s a journey and Pierre genuinely adores every step of the way.

And you end up with the most loyal sub possible. Pierre won’t even consider going to anyone else, ever. He’s yours now. Completely.

#sub!pierre #pg #nsfw. #🐍

[miekasa]

M-mie could we get some athlete boyfriend eren hcs too if you don’t mind, please and thank you😩

He is: my boyfriend, and I love him dearly. Perfect amount of himbo and athlete without being a jock, everybody give it up for Eren for being my dream boy <3

Eren plays sports year round, with the exception of maybe one or two winter seasons, just because his school/work/home life was too busy for athletics at those times. Otherwise, he’s always go something to practice for: soccer in the fall, hockey in the winter, and his choice of baseball or basketball in the spring.

He’s not a varsity athlete; that is, he’s not “committed” to any one team, so he’s not tied to playing one sport every year, nor are his academics linked to his athletics, or vice versa. He’s just a pretty athletic guy, and he’s got a lot of energy, and he enjoys sports, so naturally he plays whenever he can.

As it turns out, it does help him with his academics. Knowing he’s got practice the majority of the week forces Eren into building a schedule that prioritizes both schoolwork and sports so he can enjoy them equally. It teaches him to be independent in a way that he wasn’t expecting, but he’s come to really love.

And because he loves it, he doesn’t mind working hard for it. Liking the way he’s set it up for himself encourages him to do his best in both areas. It’s really just good for him all around: a good outlet fo his energy, a good way to spend his time, a good way to keep his grades in check, and a good way to keep himself comfortably happy and busy.

His appetite is insatiable, so it’s only dramatized when playing sports. He takes the all you can eat in all you can eat sushi a little too seriously.

The thing is… he’s a shit cook, too, so it’s not like he’s meal prepping to make sure he’s satisfying his appetite. He just buys a shit ton of food whenever he’s hungry. He’s always asking you if you wanna grab food, and part of it is to ensure that you’re eating—not as much as him, but eating nonetheless—but part of it is that he just likes sharing meals with someone.

He also doesn’t like to eat alone, so even if you only have your ten California rolls to his forty six spicy tuna rolls, that’s fine; he just wants the company.

That’s also why even if you say you’re not hungry, he’ll drag you out to eat with him anyway. And you’ll probably get fed some of his food even if you don’t order anything and insist that you’re not hungry because, “It’s really good, baby, just try it—just one bite, it’s okay I’ve got plenty left!”

He usually keeps a few granola bars and chips and other snacks of his liking on him. But because of Eren’s nature, he keeps them on you, too: in your car, in your backpack, in your apartment/dorm. You’ll meet him after class and he’ll kinda just start walking behind you, and you realize he’s opening your backpack, and you don’t even have time to question him before he’s pulling a bar out of the smallest pocket with a smile and munching on it.

Sometimes you come home and see his little protein shakes in your fridge. You definitely didn’t put them there, but you don’t move them, either. When you stock up on more when they’re running low, Eren contemplates marrying you.

If it’s been a hard week of practice or school, he tends to get sleepy when studying (usually when studying for his least favorite class, no coincidence there). He’ll close his laptop, put his hood up, and scooch his chair closer to yours before leaning his head on your shoulder.

He gets increasingly clingier the longer he naps; hand wrapping around your waist, nose poking at your neck. He’s not so subtly trying to hint that he wants you to quit studying and take him home to cuddle instead. If you don’t get the message, expect him to shut your laptop for you.

When you protest, Eren just looks at you with pouty lips and tired eyes, “Chemistry sucks anyway. Wanna nap, and also wanted you to do that thing with your hands when you massage my back for me.” (He then promptly falls asleep mid-massage on your bed).

He’s actually got a waiver to see a physical massage therapist because of how frequently he’s exercising. On occasion, he goes, but he claims he likes your massages much better. Also because he’s hesitant about a stranger touching him and once he moaned when the guy was working on his back and Eren swears it was one of the most embarrassing moments of his life.

He doesn’t get upset if you can’t make it to every game, but he does like it when you show up. Gets all cheesy and cocky with his arm around your shoulder, going on about how, “You’re my good luck charm, baby. I play better when you’re watching, you know?”

He has so much team clothing, from sweats to hoodies to t-shirts to socks. All he asks is that you wear something on game days, even if you can’t be there to support him while he’s playing. And that you keep one or two things for yourself anyway. He’ll put them in your closet for your if you don’t take them yourself <2

Because seeing you in his hoodie is always great, but his team hoodies are extra special, because they’ve got his name and his number on them. Whenever you’re wearing one, he trails just a half step behind you so he can see JAEGER printed on your back while you walk. Something about you wearing his last name around is… enticing, to say the least.

Even if it’s not the clothes branded with his name, Eren’s got a thing for you in sweats and/or workout clothes, so he’ll toss them at you whenever you sleep over. He’s always handsy, even if you’re just wearing an Under Armour shirt with the school’s logo on it; the material of it, and knowing that it’s his just makes him want to keep his hands on you.

Truthfully, he doesn’t workout all that much outside of practice. Occasionally, he’ll go to the gym with some of his teammates if they need a buddy, or go himself to stretch or take one of the free classes, but he doesn’t have a strict schedule for it. If you go to the gym, he’ll follow you if you ask, tho.

Turns out something that he does like is yoga. He’s not particularly flexible lmfao, but the stretching helps with muscle pain and tension, and he kinda finds the whole atmosphere of it relaxing. He’s still not so great at the meditation part of it, but he’s getting there.

(Actually, it’s pretty cute because on Tuesday and Thursdays, the yoga classes at the gym on campus are open-level and beginner friendly. That’s when the majority of the athletes show up, and you see people like Eren, Jean and Connie holding tree pose in the back room).

This, of course, makes him think that couples yoga is a great idea. Let’s just say, you’re lucky that Eren is strong enough to catch you and has sharp reflexes, because he’s certainly not the most balanced partner for this activity.

Game days are fun for him, and usually even if his team loses, he’s still so pumped up on adrenaline that he’s pretty happy. He only gets moody if he thinks the other team is playing dirty, or the refs are unfair, or he’s just been in a bad mood because of something that happened in his personal life; sports are an outlet for him, not his drive in life, so losing a game doesn’t take a huge toll on him.

Usually, even if he is upset about something personal, he’s able to funnel it into his game play. Small things used to make his whole sportsmanship sour, but overtime, he’s really gotten better at using his energy to fuel the right things. However, one thing that makes him foul (emotionally and literally; as in he might foul out of a game), is if he’s been fighting with you.

Sometimes it works in his favor—using the game as outlet, like usual—but it goes south pretty quickly. Because instead of using his aggression in a productive way, he gets distracted and easily pissed off, and it’s no good for anybody, especially himself. Because if he fouls out, or the coach takes him out for doing too much, then he can’t play; and if he can’t play then all that pent up frustration has no where to go; and then he’s forced to just sit with himself and his thoughts, but usually he starts deflecting and telling everyone else to piss off. Truly a no good, very bad box he’s put himself in.

You guys don’t fight that often, and it’s rare that it drags out for an extended amount of time when you do; but as with any relationship, it can happen. And when it does happen, if Armin doesn’t get to you first, expect one of Eren’s teammates to come groveling at your feet.

Or, rather, two. Because when you and Eren were fighting for over two weeks about god knows what at this point, it was Connie and Jean who ambushed you in the library. Jean had some pride to keep, but Connie was practically begging you to make up with Eren: “Look, I know he’s probably the one who said or did something to piss you off, and I’m not saying you gotta forgive him, but please just talk to him. I can’t run anymore extra laps because of him, and it’s gonna be so embarrassing if we lose to a C-list team on Friday because Eren’s funking up everyone’s attitude. PLEASE!”

Jean is more interested in the tea between you guys, but he also wants Eren to go back to being his normal hotheaded self, and not his current moody self. “He’s been playing like a bitch baby all week, and I’m gonna knock his skull in if he doesn’t fucking get his act together,” Jean rolls his eyes, “So just show up on Friday, alright? Do it for me and Connie, at least.”

When Eren does see you in the crowd at the game, it’s not a Troy and Gabriella moment, but when he sees you he feels so much relief that he’s physically calmer and way more mentally relaxed—because at this point Eren wasn’t even mad, he was just scared you might break up with him, and that fear brought out the worst in him. Seeing you in the stands, even if you didn’t wanna speak to him, was reassurance that you still gave a damn about him, and that was motivation enough.

He rushes to you after the game, wanting to make sure you don’t get swept away or leave with your friends. He’s smiling and so happy to finally see you that he almost forgets that you’re mad with him; hugging you and grinning ear to ear. When the reality kicks in, he kinda steps back at bit and rubs at his neck, embarrassed, but at least he knows he still has a chance to make things right with you.

(When you do make up, you’re surprised to find flowers and $10 coupon for your favorite pizza place in your mailbox a few days later. They’re from Connie, and his poorly handwritten note thanks you for “saving the team” and “curbing Eren’s temper).

#anonymous #aot x reader #snk x reader #eren x reader #eren jaeger x reader #aot imagines #he is... my BOYFRIEND !!!!!!!!!!!!!! #MY FUCKEN BOYFRIEND !!!!!!!! MY BABEYYYYYYYYYYY #eren fluff #eren smut

[ray-ray-writings]

Tightrope-Dream

This is a self indulgent Dream x gn!reader in the dreamsmp that I was going to post a while ago but got to insecure about it to post. But now that I haven’t posted in a few days and I don’t know when I’ll get to write again, I decided to say f*** it and post it. So I hope you enjoy hahaha. 

Based off of this song. Song lyrics are in bold. 

Masterlist here

Y/N and Dream have been together for what feels like forever. But when Dream says that he cares about nothing anymore, Y/N takes a moment to evaluate the tightrope walk they call their relationship. 

Y/N’s POV

“I don’t give a fuck, okay?” I heard Dream spit from behind an obsidian wall. “I do not give a fuck about Spirit. I don’t give a fuck about anything actually! All I care about is your discs. I care MORE about your discs than you do. That’s the only thing I care about on the server...” His words hit me like a brick. Dream didn’t care about anything. That means he doesn’t care about me… That can’t be true, right? We’ve been together since the beginning… Before the beginning! I was by his side when we made this server. I fought beside him in every single war, no matter how in the wrong I thought he was… When I would tell him what I thought he would simply brush me off. We used to make every decision together but lately it seems that I was just another obstacle in his way. Or maybe just another pawn in his game. 

I came out of my daze to hear the end of Dream’s speech, maybe this part he’ll fix his wording… “Don’t try and threaten me. I don’t care. I have lost all care for anything on the server…” Well there goes that hope. I couldn’t help the sobs that fell from my mouth at his words. He doesn’t care for anything on the server… I’m on the server. George, Sapnap, Punz, Bad, all his friends were on the server. He doesn’t care about us. 

Suddenly it was very quiet, I knew they had heard me. I took this opportunity to step out from behind the wall I was hiding behind. All eyes softened at the sight of me, Dream’s eyes softening the most. “Y/N” he tried, taking a few steps forward but I held out a hand to stop him, “Don’t. You don’t care about anything on this server… Remember?” I hissed, marching away from him, not even turning around when he called my name once more. 

I was at a lost as to where to go. I couldn’t go home. Dream would be there soon enough. I couldn’t go to the community house, too many memories. I knew he would find me at a friend’s house. Besides I needed to be alone. I needed to be somewhere where I could look down and think about everything. Then it hit me and I couldn’t stop the laugh that made it past the tears. “The reverse coaster.” 

When Tommy first built this contraption, everyone, myself included, called him crazy. Who would want to climb all the way up to the top of a track just to go down it again. Now I couldn’t help but be thankful that he had made this. The journey to the top took fifteen minutes, but it was worth it. I could see everything from here. It was beautiful. Walking the thin line while looking at the ground really made me think of a tightrope… A perfect analogy for my relationship with Dream right now. Dream…

Some people long for a life, simple and planned

Tied with a ribbon

Some people won't sail the sea 'cause they're safer on land, to follow what's written

But I'd follow you to the great unknown

Off to a world we call our own

I was with Dream when he began the server. He had gotten tired living under someone else’s rule and wanted a place we could call our own. He convinced me… although it didn’t take much convincing, I would follow him anywhere. So one night we packed up what little we could carry and we left. We left into the unknown, not knowing where we were going. But we knew everything would be alright as long as we had each other.

Hand in my hand and we promised to never let go

We're walking a tightrope 

High in the sky. We can see the whole world down below.

We're walking a tightrope 

Never sure, never know how far we could fall

But it's all an adventure that comes with a breathtaking view

Walking a tightrope, with you

Through everything. I had always been Dream and I. For the longest time, you would never find one without the other. Our hands always seemed to interlocked. I guess it wasn’t until the first L’Manberg war when things started pulling us apart. We would stand on the obsidian walls that Dream and Sapnap had built around L’Manberg, just observing. Dream would constantly be making battle plans in his head and I was just there for moral support, I guess. We spent countless hours just watching the ‘hot dog stand’ waiting for someone to come out and make a move. 

There were some nights where the scene was almost breathtaking. The walls were pretty high up, we could see a lot of the server. Everything was lit up beautifully. Building shined brightly and everything was warm and welcoming. It was perfect. I would try and get Dream to dance with me. The first few times he would agree and we would slow dance around the walls. But as battle drew nearer and nearer, we danced less and less until it stopped all together. 

Mountains and valleys, and all that will come in between. Desert and ocean.

You pulled me in and together we're lost in a dream. Always in motion.

So I risk it all just to be with you

And I risk it all for this life we choose

Dream and I had fights. What couple didn’t? Dream would do something stupid and I would grill him about it but we always made up. We never went to bed angry. I never would let him leave home on adventure without a hug and a kiss goodbye. No matter how far he would travel, I always knew he would come home to me and that we loved each other. Being with Dream was…  well a dream. We loved each other endlessly. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for him and I knew the feeling was mutual. 

I would risk everything to be with him. Leaving the safety of one server to begin another? No problem. Fight in a war where he was on the ‘bad side’? Anything for my baby. I would give my life if it meant Dream lived. I used to know the feeling was mutual… 

Hand in my hand and you promised to never let go

We're walking a tightrope

High in the sky. We can see the whole world down below

We're walking a tightrope

Never sure, will you catch me if I should fall?

I never had to worry. I knew that Dream was right there beside me. Always one step ahead. Filling in cracks and gaps in Prime Path so I wouldn’t trip and fall. Checking in on my mental health so I wouldn’t fall into a panic attack or into a depression. I always knew he would catch me, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I could trust him to be there for me. Now I’m not so sure. 

Well, it's all an adventure

That comes with a breathtaking view

Walking a tightrope

With you

Loving Dream. Being with Dream. Giving everything to Dream was and always has been an adventure. Many times it took me to new heights. Let me see things I had never seen before, leaving me breathless. I was balancing on a tightrope and he was right behind me, making sure I was okay, that I was safe. He would make sure I knew how much he cared for me. How much he loved me. 

These thoughts just swirled in my head. I sat down, my legs dangling over the cobblestone as I stared at the ground. What do I do from here? Dream says he doesn’t care about me anymore. For as long as I could remember, my whole life had revolved around Dream. Doing whatever he needed, being who he needed me to be. Given, he did the same thing for me. Where do I go from here? 

“Y/N!” A voice shouted from below, breaking me from my concentration. My eyes scanned the ground to find that familiar green hoodie. “What are you doing up there?” I rolled my eyes in annoyance, “Why do you care?” I shouted back. There was a moment of silence before he responded, “Come down! I want to talk,” Dream called. I watched as he placed a water bucket and motioned for me to jump down. I hesitated for a moment… Did I trust him? There’s only one way to find out. 

I took a deep breath before allowing myself to fall from the top of the reverse coaster. I couldn’t help but let out a giggle as the water cradled me securing me a safe landing. I quickly realized why I had jumped down in the first place and stood up to face Dream, looking down at the ground. “I’m here… What do you want?” I questioned harshly. “I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to apologize and explain myself,” He answered, trying to get me to look at him. I refused and remained silent, motioning for him to go on. 

“I didn’t mean what I said. Of course I didn’t. I care about you so much Y/N. Tommy just gets me so worked up sometimes and I just speak without thinking. I love you and care for you. You know that!” Dream exclaimed, reaching out to try and grab my hands. I quickly pulled them away and snapped my eyes to his, “Do I?” I barked, causing Dream to flinch at my tone. “Do I know that you love me? That you care for me? Do I? Because lately it sure as hell doesn’t feel like it,” I snapped, all my feelings radiating off of me. “We used to do everything together. Make every decision together. We would walk the tightrope together, but lately it just feels like you’ve let me hung out to dry.” 

Dream gaped at me, “I didn’t know you felt this way,” He murmured, moving toward me once more. And once again, I moved and scoffed, “That’s because you’ve been too caught up in your big scheme Dream. You’ve been using me as another pawn.” Dream began to protest but I held up a finger to cut him off, “Don’t even try to deny it. You come to me and ask me for something and once I do it, you toss me aside, only coming back when you need something. And I’m sick of it, Dream.” 

Dream was silent as he thought about everything. “You’re right,” He spoke after a few moments of silence. “You are absolutely right. I’ve been horrible to you. I’ve been horrible to everyone… I’m so sorry.” Tears began to leak from Dream’s face as he spoke. “Please, give me another chance. I promise, I’ll do better. I’ll be better. I’ll be the man that you want, the one you need. Please.” He begged, reaching out to grab my hands. This time I let him grab a hold of them and hang on.

 “It’s going to take some time. The damage you’ve done it too great to fix with a simple apology. You’re going to have to work hard to prove to me that you’ve changed,” I explained, looking deep into Dream’s beautiful green eyes. He nodded quickly, “I will. As long as it takes.” Dream leaned forward and wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug. “I love you so much Y/N” He murmured into my ear. “I love you too Dream. Always have, always will.”

Hope you enjoyed. If so be sure to leave a like, maybe even a reply or a reblog. Like I said I’m pretty insecure about this piece so I would love to know what you think. 

#mcyt #mcyt imagine #ray-ray-writings #mcyt x reader #mcyt one shot #dream smp #dreamsmp #dream #dream one shot #dream x reader #dreamwastaken imagine #dreamwastaken #dreamwastaken x reader #dream imagine #self indulgent #tightrope

[silverstarlightwrites]

An alternate AU to this one that occurred to me just now

Team Seven take the mission to the Land of Waves. On the bridge, they fight Zabuza and Haku.

On the bridge, Naruto dies.

Something in Sasuke breaks, and he goes berserk. Haku and their ice mirrors scream as they flashboil in the black flames Sasuke summons forth, and it takes only a howl and a wild gesture to send Amaterasu blazing across the bridge to consume Zabuza and Tazuna as well. The stone melts underneath them, while Kakashi snatches up Sakura and flees, and it’s not until Sasuke feels the weight of wet clothes - crushing Naruto’s body to his chest, bloody and so absurdly hot - that he realises the bridge has disintegrated, and the water is burning.

It’s instinct and desperation that let Sasuke to douse the fires he’s conjured, and even then it aches and tastes like blood and acid, and he’s sinking when Kakashi whips across the surface to catch him, the moment the flames are gone.

Sasuke cries into Naruto’s chest, and refuses to let go. Sakura is cold and silent, and she neither speaks nor eats for the grim, slow trek back to Konoha. And it is slow, even further drawn out by the constant fluctuation of chakra from Naruto’s corpse, carried awkwardly and painfully by Sasuke alone.

It’s not Naruto’s chakra, of course. Kakashi dreads the inevitable questions, resolves not to lie when they come, and somehow their absence is even worse.

The moment they walk through the southern Konoha gate, there are Anbu all over them. They pry Naruto’s body from Sasuke’s arms, despite his shouting and kunai, despite the way Sasuke’s eyes ignite into blood red to fight-- But he doesn’t summon Amaterasu again, doesn’t expend the chakra he doesn’t have to try and kill their own. Sakura touches his shoulder, just two fingers, and her face is pale and hollow when she shakes her head, but it’s still more interaction than she’s allowed for the whole trip, and Sasuke obeys her. Blinks his eyes black, slumps in place, and then sags against Sakura.

She catches him, and he’s shaking, and she stares over his shoulder, unblinking, at the Anbu wrapping Naruto’s corpse in chakra-absorbing paper scrawled endlessly with Seals.

Kakashi isn’t sure what she sees, and he isn’t sure he wants to know.

One Anbu stays behind, and they instruct the gutted remains of Team Seven that the Hokage wants to see them. Kakashi can’t bring himself to intervene when Sasuke snarls and lunges, or when Sakura lets him. Doesn’t step in when Sasuke tells them to Fuck Off or when he punches them weakly in the chest - and the Anbu clearly thinks he’s simply not going to get involved, because when they try to catch Sasuke’s wrist they aren’t expecting Kakashi to move. Too fast to be safe, too fast for the chakra use not to burn.

Sasuke leans back into Kakashi as the Anbu trips, and Kakashi feels himself close his hands on Sasuke’s shoulders. “Don’t touch my kids,” he hears himself hiss, and if he doesn’t quite know when he accepted them as his then he doesn’t quite care either.

One of them is dead, and they won’t be permitted to mourn him properly because of the beast caged inside him without his knowledge.

The thought makes Kakashi sick. It all does, all of it. Konoha’s abuse of an innocent child, Kakashi’s complicitness in allowing it to happen. Hiruzen’s cruelty in allowing it also.

In allowing all of it.

Sasuke has lost enough.

The Anbu doesn’t need telling twice, and they leave Kakashi to cajole his kids into seeing Hiruzen. It takes more effort than he’d care to admit. Just physically, the three of them are a wreck - and it’s worse emotionally. Mentally.

“You let them take him.”

It’s the first thing Sakura has said since Naruto died - in a burst of blood and scarlet chakra - and Kakashi suddenly thinks he’s never felt anything so cold as her voice. When he meets her gaze, it’s like drowning.

“I had to. The Hokage will explain.” Because Kakashi is bound not to. By an oath that maybe he shouldn’t have taken, by a promise extracted by force. Why shouldn’t he tell them?

He doesn’t, of course. He scoops Sasuke up, and despises that Sasuke simply allows it, and offers Sakura a hand as they start walking. Sakura ignores it, striding ahead with her back too stiff and her hands clenched too tight. The walk to the Hokage Tower, while significantly shorter, is the same as the trip from Waves to Konoha.

Hiruzen ushers them into his office, tearful, and Sasuke struggles stiffly out of Kakashi’s grip. Red flickers and whorls through his eyes, and it’s impossible to know if he’s fighting to ignite his Sharingan or if he’s fighting not to.

“I’m sorry.” It’s low and mournful and wet. It’s insulting.

Sakura snaps. She flies into a rage, screaming obscenities. Her teammate is dead, and she’s never experienced loss like this before, and gods but she watched it happen, and no pitiful, pathetic ‘I’m sorry’ can ever undo that. That Hiruzen even tries sends her over the edge.

Nobody stops her. By the time she burns out, the office is torn apart, papers scattered everywhere and the desk overturned. Sakura has scratched her nails bloody against the woodwork. When she collapses to the floor and howls, Sasuke finally approaches her, sinks to her level, and wraps his arms around her.

Perhaps he understands, then. Perhaps a hug - so tight as Sakura clings back that it may be the only thing holding her together - is all he wanted after the horror of his clan’s slaughter.

Kakashi catches himself wondering if Sasuke ever got that hug, but he knows the answer.

Of course he didn’t.

Hiruzen explains to them what a Jinchuriki is. He explains the basic concept of a Bijuu, and gives them a short summary of the Nine-Tails. They take it blankly, too much to process over the top of their raw grief, but they look to Kakashi as if searching for confirmation and Kakashi nods. Tells them it’s true.

And then, because it’s not enough, it’s pathetic an explanation, he hears himself continue.

Because “He deserved better. We failed him.” Hears it spin, feels more than sees the way Sasuke and Sakura twitch and shrink, and then corrects himself. His own voice is like tar in his throat.

“You failed him.”

Sasuke and Sakura follow him out of Hiruzen’s office, and Hiruzen doesn’t try to stop them.

Kakashi sets the pack to watch them when they all end up at the war memorial. It wasn’t exactly a decision to go there, of course, but it never really is. All eight ninken are there already when they arrive, and they encourage Sakura and Sasuke to collapse and curl up with them, but Kakashi resists. He has something else to do.

And it’s dark by the time he comes back, his kids and his pack all bundled up in his far-too-tiny apartment, but he wakes them all the same. Demanding Naruto’s body back hadn’t been easy or clean, and the results of the chakra-draining done to preserve as much of the stray Nine-Tails chakra bleeding out of where it had torn free upon Naruto’s death is... messy.

Naruto’s body stays wrapped up the way Kakashi walked out of the Anbu Blue Vault with it. Only his head is visible, and his hair is knotted and matted with blood and oil, but it doesn’t stop Sakura from running her hands through it, or Sasuke from laying his head against Naruto’s chest.

Not enough people come to Naruto’s funeral. The whole fucking Village should mourn him, the child who protected them from the Nine-Tails for his entire, short life. His loss should have been overwhelming - it should have brought all of Konoha to a fucking stop.

But it doesn’t. Umino Iruka attends, and he’s quiet but he weeps ceaselessly the whole day. Sakura and Sasuke seem to welcome his presence, so Kakashi doesn’t nothing to discourage it.

Hiruzen shows up, perhaps halfway through. It takes all of Kakashi’s still-wan strength to hold Sakura back from trying to maul him, and Sasuke doesn’t fight one way or another when he lights up his Sharingan at the Hokage’s approach.

“Go. Away,” Sasuke snarls at him, and for just a moment it seems like Hiruzen might scold the boy, who’s been stripped of his family in half a dozen different ways, over and over again, as if he’s expressing his grief incorrectly, and that moment is all it takes for Kakashi to speak over all of them.

It’s the voice he used as the Hound. He hasn’t heard it for years. “You should go, Hokage-sama. You don’t want to make me choose a side here.”

Because Kakashi is loathe to fight Konoha at all, let alone its leader, but he knows without a doubt that he will. For Sasuke. For Sakura. If ever the decision must be made, Kakashi knows he will turn on Hiruzen in an instant if it would protect his kids from ending up like him.

Konoha would not make a broken blade out of Sasuke. It would not strip Sakura of her soul.

Orochimaru comes. He seeks out Sasuke, and the power he offers is too tempting for Sasuke to pass up - but he refuses to sneak away in the dead of night. Team Seven’s progress has halted in the aftermath of Naruto’s death; Hiruzen has tried several times to full the gap in their unit, but Sakura and Sasuke vehemently refuse to accept one, and Kakashi does not make them. He will not.

Naruto cannot be replaced. The gap can never be sufficiently filled.

And so comes the morning that Sasuke asks for their company in leaving. He’s been suffocating under Konoha’s weight for a long time, Kakashi realises that morning, and he’s finally reached his limit. Kakashi doesn’t try to talk him out of it; he won’t succeed. There’s no point. Revenge has been his motivation for so long that Sasuke will never quite learn how to give it up, and now he has so much more for which to seek vengeance.

It will only be Itachi first. After that, all of Konoha is culpable for Naruto’s death, and the endless suffering he endured before it. Kakashi is not fool enough to think he can change Sasuke’s mind.

Sakura agrees on the spot. She’s unrecognisable from the bubbly genin Kakashi took custody of from the Academy. She’s gaunt and messy and angry, and she’s forsaken her friends in order to follow Sasuke into the dark. She’s clinging to him, ferociously, in a different way than she’d tried to before.

She’s clinging to Sasuke the same way Kakashi had clung to Rin - how Rin had clung right back - after Obito’s death. Sasuke is her constant, her reassurance that Naruto’s absence won’t just be for nothing, that someone is going to pay for it. That she’s going to help make that happen.

You don’t want to make me choose a side, Kakashi had told Hiruzen, as if they were words of fucking prophecy. Because here are his kids, minds made up, choosing a side that Kakashi would rather flay himself than join - and yet, here he is too, and he knows already he’s going to go with them.

Choosing against Konoha tastes like ozone and fear and self-loathing, but choosing against Sasuke and Sakura is unconscionable. Even this, even this, Kakashi will do. Watching them die is a terror that keeps him up at night, a nightmare with its hands around Kakashi’s throat, a dread that’s getting ever colder. That this might lead to that outcome takes his breath away.

But the thought of not being there is even worse. Konoha forsook Sasuke when his family was wiped out, and Konoha forsook them both once again when they came home bloodied and shattered. Konoha has gone on the same as always, as if nothing even happened, and it always has when the whole world was supposed to shatter and didn’t - with Obito’s eye in Kakashi’s skull and Rin’s blood on Kakashi’s hands - and that truth does absolutely nothing to stay Sasuke’s hatred or Sakura’s wrath. They are young and angry and wounded, and there is no words Kakashi can say that will convince them to reject the power on offer, no matter how dangerous and untrustworthy the source may be.

And he refuses to let them do this alone. Everyone will want their heads, but Kakashi has fought and killed the best of them, and if - in the end - his only purpose is to protect his remaining kids, where he failed to protect the third, then perhaps the Hound yet serves a purpose still.

So Kakashi selects a kunai, and helps them score through their Konoha hitai-ite, and lets them lead him into hell.

#StarlightLion #Starlight Writes #Naruto #Team Seven #Hatake Kakashi #Uzumaki Naruto #Uchiha Sasuke #Haruno Sakura #look don't @ me #I don't even know #I had a half-formed thought and just went buck wild with it #it's 3:30am and I haven't read this post back but fuck it #angsty au time #Naruto dies and it breaks each and every one of them #Kakashi would sacrifice anything - ANYTHING - for his kids #and he will #and it won't save them #but maybe. if they're lucky. and the universe is kind. #maybe the three of them can save each other #also let's not talk about where Kurama is reforming or what he's gonna get up to once he's done XD

[lovelykhaleesiii]

Jealousy Isn't Good

HEADCANON

PAIRING: Tom Holland (characters) x fem!Reader (Arvin Russell and Peter Parker)

Words: 1953

Summary (requested by @peeves6261427): “jealous tom/arvin/peter where the reader knows they’re jealous and tries to tease them but then tom/arvin/peter just go FULL dom” 

Warnings: jealousy, smut, fluff, dom!Tom Holland (+ characters mentioned)

A/N - I fucking love a good angsty + smutty imagine... hope you like just as much as I did writing it AHAHA :) x 

TOM HOLLAND: 

Now, when it came to Tom’s jealous side, he was terribly awful at hiding it.

To your complete surprise, it was actually a recurring thing... It wasn't that Tom had trust issues, he just would notice how others would try to “flirt with you”, according to him.  

However, you struggled to see this and saw no harm in these interactions, as most of the time you believed people were just being friendly. 

When he did become jealous he acted like a complete, stubborn child.

He would give you short, sharp answers, always be temperamental. 

Often in the moment you’d catch him making quick glances at you as you’d be talking to whomever. 

He’d take a deep breath in, his fists would clench to the point his knuckles turned white. 

“Tom, love, you’re doing it again...” 

Tom knew how to calm himself, however his mood would be foul for the day. 

He had a reputation to hold and did not want to jeopardise that, even if it took him all his strength to not even speak against it. 

He really hated the way some would stare at you, eyeing you up and down, especially at premieres where you were all dolled up. 

Tom would become super protective, especially amongst places where there were crowds upon crowds of people: you found that his arm would always be tightly wrapped around your waist. 

Occasionally, a verbal fight would even break out between the two of you because of this... Until Tom would realise your perspective. 

“And what about you Tom?! What about the millions of girls across the world that worship you? Do you see me complaining and whining?” 

You were happiest with Tom, and you’d mentioned it repeatedly to him... He knew you were with him for the long run, he just despised the fact that people didn’t realise this. 

He’d be the type that needed reassurance that you only had eyes for him, and to make up for his childish behaviour... Sex was the only answer.  

This also was the best way he could showcase his dominance over you: he was always in complete control when it came to sex, especially after an episode of jealousy. 

Tom would definitely be the type to leave love marks all over you, hickeys were his thing. He’d try not to leave them in obvious places where your skin would be exposed, again for his reputation especially with kids, however on the rare occasion that he’d lose himself... There wasn't nothing that a decent palette of makeup couldn’t cover up!

God sometimes he’d even surprise you with a quick, soft bite on your skin... He was playful like that. 

Definitely loves to spank you, again seeing his red hand-print form on your ass cheek just sparks joy in him like nothing else. 

And Tom, definitely loves being called Daddy. 

Nonetheless, it was a flaw in Tom’s character... He was the jealous type and it was something you were okay to live with. 

ARVIN RUSSELL: 

Now this man... Would literally go off. Not immediately, it would just constantly be building up inside until he could no longer keep the fury bottled up. 

Having to pick up Lenora from school, you also took to this privilege, which always meant Arvin would be waiting right outside for the two of you. He was protective like that. 

He was also, however, an impatient man: thus, on the occasional days that a few of your colleagues took up your time after school for a quick chat, often about an assignment or homework... He’d grown quite enraged. 

Especially due to the fact that he'd rarely see you during the weekdays from being busy with school. He didn’t want to attend and rather just work, although it took a toll very so often that he’d miss you. 

Being such a small town, didn't help the cause, whether it was walking down the street arm in arm, or catching up at the local diner, someone would stop and chat, minimising your time together even more. 

However, the jealousy would strike most with other male counterparts. 

Arvin, according to his own words “knew what these boys in this town were thinking...” 

For his age, and greatly due to his unfortunate circumstances growing up, Arvin mentally and emotionally matured rapidly for his age. 

Physically, he was also quite strong and didn’t hesitate when faced with a threat. 

Especially after the incident with Lenora and the boys at school... Arvin had a reputation that was built on sheer intimidation. No one dared to mess with anything that even remotely “belonged” to him. 

And he’d made it very clear that you were his. 

However on the downside, when a boy was “downright stupid” (again according to Arvin), and took a chance on you, or even tried to take advantage of you... Arvin would violently lash out. 

It was hard to intervene, especially when matters got physical. 

Arvin was obviously the dominant one: he’d precisely plan his attacks, when exactly to strike. 

Word would spread, and yet everyone would keep quiet... Some would even argue that Arvin did the right thing for standing by you.

“I-I just don't want people thinking the wrong things about you, baby.”   

However you did mention how upset you’d become, witnessing Arvin taking matters into his own hands: and worst of all, you’d hate seeing him hurt with minor wounds to show. 

During these times after the altercations, would be the most intimate. Arvin would apologise and promise to try never to lash out again, although you knew that was a lie. 

It was these moments he showed his most vulnerable side: he’d confess to how much you meant to him, how much he wanted to keep you safe and overall, how much he’d love you. 

“You are the absolute world to be Y/N, baby... You need to know I’d do anything for you.” 

Bless him, you thought. You knew violence was never an answer, although considering Arvin’s upbringing, it was mostly all he’d known, all that he was exposed to. 

“God, Arvin... I can take care of myself, you know that. A-And if I do ever get in trouble, you know you’ll be the first one I come to.” 

However what he dreaded the most was being apart from you. The fear that when you weren't together that’s when something terrible would befall you, killed him deep down and regardless of what you said, or no matter how confident you were of protecting yourself... He knew he’d always be there until he planned for the two of you to leave this “godforsaken town.” 

And of course, the sex helped him a lot. 

Arvin was the dominant one in the relationship throughout everything. He felt he needed to be in control, and obviously still took into consideration your thoughts and feelings.

However when it came to matters of life and death or even remotely close to your safety, he took serious. He prioritised your safety over his own, and that said a lot. 

When I tell you this man would have a breeding kink, I meant it: having children did frighten him a little, although the thought of having them with you, made him feel motivated to have a family of his own. 

He loves when you dry hump the fuck out him, seeing how you moan his name as your face to face with one another, the way your tits be jiggling/jumping the more intense you got. 

He preferred to have sex in remote, isolated locations. He preferred to silence and peace of mind. Only being in each other’s company. 

Often the sex happened in his car, and the moments after would be intimate just like after a fight. 

He loved you and you loved him... You both knew you were meant for one another. 

PETER PARKER: 

Having met Pete, there was no way you’d thought there could ever be a bad bone in him, however it seemed even the perfect Peter Parker struggled with a few minor flaws. 

Peter tended to get jealous, however over specific people that he saw as a threat. 

He was extremely calculative, and knew who posed a risk to his relationship with you.

He often wouldn’t speak up about it, letting it slide and seeking advice from Ned and Aunt May on what to do, however they’d often persuade him to believe it was nothing major to worry about, and that you only had eyes for him. 

And they couldn't be more right. 

Peter trusted you greatly, as you did with him. 

He didn't trust the cocky guys that would shoot their shot with you, and often it did infuriate him. 

At nights, when he was out overlooking the city for whoever would need the help of their friendly, neighbourhood Spider-man, he’d take the time to contemplate to himself. 

However, if he got really desperate for some help, he’d even ask his fellow Avengers... Tony wasn't much of a help, he’d just tell him to either spoil the hell out of you, “take her out to a nice restaurant, the chicks dig that intimacy shit.” 

Steve, on the other hand, was actually the most helpful. 

And they had all met you (and adored you), so they knew exactly who Peter was dealing with.

“Just talk to Y/N, I’m sure she’ll be most understanding... Usually when a guy feels this way about a girl, it means you want to take things seriously,” Captain reasoned. 

And from their Peter knew exactly what he had to do. 

Dates was a regular think, you made sure of that! Despite needing to balance school, work and Peter’s hectic life as an Avenger... You both proudly managed well. 

So taking both Tony’s and Capt’s relationship advice into consideration, Peter thought it would be perfect to just say what he needed to say.

“L-Look Y/N... I know I may not often say it or be the perfect boyfriend, but I-I just wanted to say...” 

God you loved how nervous he'd get. 

“What is it Pete?” You intervene with a bright smile on your face, trying to encourage him to just speak his mind. 

And it seemed to have worked, as his tense shoulders had finally relaxed and he returned with a smile. 

“I-I love you, Y/N. I mean, I-I really am so in love with you. It just bothers me that I see you talking to some guys a-and to think that maybe, one day... They might convince you to leave me.” 

Your heart broke silently to a thousand pieces: not only was this the first time Peter actually said the words “I love you”, however to hear that this was what had been worrying him this entire time. 

“Peter, please don’t ever think that! I could nor would I ever, leave someone as brilliant and caring as you... I love you, Pete, you need to know this.” 

And after what would have been the most sacred dates of your life, you knew exactly how to end the perfect night. 

As you both had politely left the restaurant, thanking the staff for their incredible food and service, you turned to Peter, your hands cupping his chiselled face. 

“Now how about you show me just how much you love me, huh?” 

Sex with Peter was often gentle and very personal. 

He wasn't over-the-top in control, always making sure you were comfortable and relaxed. 

However when you both had gotten into the rhythm of things... A whole, new side of him would peak. 

Definitely a boob guy... He’s rough hands would always be massaging your tits, especially when he ate you the fuck out. 

#tom holland #peter parker #arvin russell #tom holland imagines #tom holland imagine #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfiction #peter parker imagines #peter parker imagine #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker fanfic #arvin russell imagines #arvin russell fanfiction #arvin russell fanfic #spiderman #mcu #lovelykhaleesiii #lovelykhaleesiii imagines #lovelykhaleesiii fanfiction

[chasing-classics]

It Takes A Man- Ray Diaz x Reader (2)

Pairing: Ray Diaz x Reader

Warning(s): Language, angsty feels, mentions of cheating, SMUT

Summary: In the aftermath of your night with Ray, you struggle to move on from the Diaz men, but find difficulty in forgetting the man in question. What happens when you reunite?

A/N: This will not be a full-length story, I think it’ll just be a fun little miniseries that I’ll work on between drabbles and oneshots, but so many of you loved the first part that I couldn’t help but post the sequel earlier than anticipated. Enjoy, my little deviants!

 Part 1

 You huffed, barely making it through your front door before the handfuls of grocery bags collapsed at your feet. You cringed, shaking your head upwards at the thought of how all the fresh fruit you just bought at the corner bodega was now bruised. Shuffling your feet, you prodded the cans of various sauces and whatnot out of your way, casually closing the front door with your foot and tossed your purse on the nearby sofa.

 Your new apartment had finally been put together in your hasty move from the Diaz household. The drive was not so bad, it was long enough to put distance between Oscar and yourself so that you two could avoid any awkward/angry confrontations on the street. But you were relieved, as was Cesar, that it was no more than a 15-minute drive, 25-minute to half hour walk in case the youngest Diaz brother and his friends ever wished to stop by. The pang in your chest whenever your thoughts drifted towards Cesar was still an entirely fresh wound. The way he yelled and cried in your arms the night he came home still made your e/c eyes well up with tears. You would never forgive yourself for the role you played in the separation. Oscar was by no means innocent; his actions were unforgiveable. He cheated on you more times than you would ever care to admit. He made a fool out of the one person who held him down, the one constant in his life. And you would be lying if you said you weren’t still bitter.

 Cesar knew the breakup was looming, in the months leading up to that fateful night you and Oscar had gone for each other’s throats. Initially he only left the house to take care of ‘’Santo business’’ but the smell of cheap perfume contradicted that immediately. Despite your valiant efforts, Cesar walked in on you once or twice just crying your eyes out until they became so painfully puffy. History certainly repeated itself in the Diaz house. The only difference was that you managed to get out in, mentally exhausted but physically fine, while his mother had overdosed not two years after Ray was locked up. Cesar partially felt betrayed by everyone involved. Oscar, Ray, and even you. But Oscar had been the real target of Cesar’s anger and hurt. Had Oscar not made Cesar join the Santos, Cesar would’ve had a normal life and possible ticket outside of Freeridge. Had Oscar not been a complete jerk to you, Cesar could’ve had some resemblance of a family left. He still had you, he still had Oscar. But it was never going to be the same.

 That said, what you and Ray had done was anything but innocent. ‘’Fuck,’’ you huffed, tossing your keys in the dish by the entryway. As much as you probably should’ve forgotten all about that night. As much as you tried to dismiss the reminiscing, you found yourself in a losing battle. About the way Ray had felt filling you. The drag and pull movements of his manhood along your velvety walls. You involuntarily shivered and cursed yourself as your mind clouded over in a haze of lust.

 ‘’No. . .no, we aren’t going back there,’’ you chided, working to tidy up the place. ‘No matter how much I may long to. . .’ you mentally noted as your actions quickened in a pathetic attempt to block the mental image of Ray hovering over you, filling your tightness. The familiar pitter patter of butterflies in your abdomen alerted you of your arousal. The blush that steadily spread across your cheeks did the same.

 Ray and you had seldom spoken in the nearly 40 days it took for you to find an apartment in a safe part of Freeridge (upon Oscar’s insistence, to your shock) and for you to gather your belongings and move out (thanks to the efforts of Sad Eyes and Tito, also upon Oscar’s insistence and your shock). When you had said a quick goodbye to your ex of five years and the boy you practically raised since he was a small fourth grader, the longing look in Ray’s eyes was not lost on you. Whereas Cesar walked you to your car, Oscar hung back on the porch trying his best to seem unbothered, Ray leaned against the side gate of the house. A cigarette hung loosely between his lips as he made sure to stay out of Oscar’s line of vision. You didn’t need to look up at him to know he was watching you. To know that look in his eyes. You had the same look as you drove way, only concealing it as to avoid another fist fight between Oscar and his father.

 The apartment itself was nice and homey. Your job in real estate, selling mostly houses in Brentwood, made sure that you could afford nicer furniture, a stocked fridge, and lunch money for Cesar. He would alternate, opting to camp out on your charcoal gray couch while Oscar enjoyed the benefits of a newly single life back home. You feigned ignorance or uncaringness whenever Cesar showed up late at night with a sympathetic look in his deep brown eyes, but every time you thought about the girls drifting in and out of the only home you had truly known the past five years, your heart clenched in your throat.

 Sad Eyes had been another figure who graced your doorstep every now and then. He insisted it was because of the friendship you and he had maintained since high school, but something told you he was keeping tabs on you. The one, single one night stand you had partaken in a few nights ago just so happened to be cut short (too short) when Sad Eyes conveniently began pounding on the door. The situation had Oscar’s hypocritical jealous antics written all over it. Nonetheless, Jose was a good friend of yours’ and he along with Tito and the other Santos were a big help in setting up the place to your liking.

 As you drifted around the entertainment area, around the balcony, and around the kitchen watering your various plants, your brows furrowed. The one person who hadn’t really visited you, aside from Oscar of course, was the one man you couldn’t stop thinking about.

 Your night with Ray was far too passionate, or so you thought, to be just a one-time thing. As sick and twisted it might be, as horrible of a person that made you, you couldn’t help but yearn to have another night with the Diaz patriarch. Subconsciously, your hand drifted to your collarbone, sighing through your nose as visions of his strong, rough hands exploring your flesh resonated within you. Part of you shrunk back into your shell, your subconscious telling you that Oscar had clearly taken after his father when it came to breaking hearts. That Ray probably hadn’t been with a woman since being released from prison. That you were just an easy fix, a convenience for him in the form of an insecure and emotionally exhausted hyna. He didn’t see you anything other than a tight hole to keep his dick warm. You bit your lip, hands clutching the kitchen counter until your knuckles turned nearly pale.

 But the other part of you felt in your bones that it was not just an easy fix. That, yes lust fueled and spurred his actions, but there was something about the way he looked at you as you drove away from the house. Something that screamed ‘’more.’’ An enchanting, debauching look. Interest, maybe, but still more all the same. More.

 Your fingers danced down the valley of your breasts, down your abdomen, until your fingertips made contact with the top of your leggings. Admittedly, you had forgone wearing underwear this particular day, out of laziness, but you were certainly not complaining as your fingers met the wetness of your tight folds. An airy sigh escaped your lips, eyes closed as those fingers danced along your sensitive folds like little ballerinas.

 Your other hand began kneading your still clothed breasts, becoming rougher in an attempt to mirror the way Ray had done. Whether it was the forbidden, sinful nature of that night or not, no other man, not even Oscar had made you feel so erotic the way Ray Diaz had. Your eyelids fluttered shut as your moans steadily flowed past your lips like a gentle choir. The middle finger curled in the depths of your core, your index finger gently rolling the sensitive pearl above. The faster your digits worked, the easier it became to imagine Ray’s touch. The smell of his shampoo with the slight musk of his sweat from working out in the front lawn. The way he grunted every time he slammed into your core. The way his eyes went nearly black from pure lust and primal desire when he looked over your quivering form.

 ‘’R-Ray,’’ you whimpered to yourself, panting as your fingers worked diligently.

 ‘’Don’t stop, nena.’’

 Your eyes flew wide open, your mouth following suit as the man of the hour stood in your front door, learning against the frame. That infamous, lopsided Diaz smirk left no room to question where his boys got it from.

 ‘’Don’t stop on my account,’’ he repeated, uncomfortably shifting his weight to his other leg, a very noticeable bulge catching your attention immediately. You gulped.

 ‘’How the f-fuc. . .wha. . .why?’’ you screeched, hand quickly retreating from your pulsing, needy pussy much to your discomfort. You were convinced that he could feel the heat of your blush from across the room.

 ‘’The front door was unlocked. I know it’s a safer neighborhood, but you still need to-‘’

 ‘’I meant why the hell are you here?’’ you didn’t mean to sound as bitchy as it had came out, but you were slightly jilted from the way he had ignored you the pas several weeks.

 No calls. No texts. No surprise visits. Until now.

 The smirk faded from his handsome face, becoming more serious although his eyes showed the slightest hint of a mix of shame and sorrow.

 ‘’Y/n,’’ he sighed, eyes turning to look down at the floor. It was amazing how, for a split second, the father of two and former Santos member had morphed into a nervous young man. You could almost pinpoint what he looked like younger.

 You stilled, heart still racing violently in your chest. He had rarely called you by your name before. Even before you two had sex, it had always been ‘’nena’’ or ‘’mamacita.’’ In fact, you were sure he only used your name once. When he came inside you and sealed your fate. You suppressed a shiver, but Ray quickly caught the effect he still had on you. He regained some of his courage, standing up straight. Your eyes quickly surveyed the way his muscles automatically flexed as his arms folded up and crossed his chest. Damn him.

 ‘’I’m sorry I haven’t called or visited. . .I wasn’t sure if you wanted anything to do with me considering. . .,’’ his thoughts trailed off, not wanting to discuss the way Oscar had blown up after catching you. One thing you admired about Oscar, that despite his temper he never laid a hand on you. He would rage and toss some furniture in the opposite direction and yell like a madman. But his rage was mostly directed at Ray that night.

 ‘’We need to talk to you, hermano,’’ Oscar’s deep voice cut the silence as you resisted the urge to glare at the Santos’ leader.

 ‘’Okayyy?’’ Cesar offered an awkward smile, sitting at the dinner table. The same dinner table that just moments prior had been flung on its’ side as Oscar raged throughout the house. You had barely tossed the scattered food into the trash can before Cesar walked in.

 Ray cleared his throat and retreated to the side door of the house, probably smoking a cigarette to calm his nerves as the ‘’adults’’ had their talk.

 ‘’Cesar,’’ you started, reaching across the table to gently grasp his hand. When had he gotten so big? You never once tried to be the mother he had lost to drugs as a five-year-old. You never took away the authority figure that was forcibly bestowed onto Oscar. You were just Y/n; his brother’s girlfriend. But you knew you were the closest thing Cesar ever had to a mother/motherly figure. And you had fucked it all up.

 ‘’What’s going on?’’ his thick brows knotted in confusion. You hesitantly glanced at Oscar, him biting back a glare towards you as he sighed.

 ‘’Y/n is moving out,’’ he mumbled and if you didn’t know Oscar any better, you could’ve sworn there was a hint of sadness in his voice.

 ‘’Wait.. . what?’’ it broke your heart hearing the confusion and panic in Cesar’s voice.

 ‘’Cesar, it’s ok. I’ll still be here whenever you need me. It’s just,’’ you trailed off, your own voice wavering as you tried to muster up the best way to explain things.

 ‘’No it’s not ‘ok.’ Why are you leaving us? Leaving me?’’ Cesar’s voice steadily rose, yanking his hand away from you. The gesture made you wince.

 ‘’Cesar,’’ Oscar’s tone slowly shifted to that of Spooky.

 ‘’No! Tell me why she’s leaving. Why is she really leaving!’’ Cesar stood up abruptly, nearly knocking the chair to the floor. Somewhere outside Ray coughed on a nicotine coated cloud. The room filled with uncomfortable silence.

 ‘’Cesar. Sometimes, people just fall out of love. Things happen. Life happens. Sometimes even adults make really shitty decisions and they change on each other,’’ your voice remained soft as you sadly looked up at the boy you helped raise. You resisted the urge to look at Oscar’s gutted expression, knowing that if you did you would surely lose it. It had been that exact moment you regretted not leaving the house as soon as Ray walked in just hours before.

 Cesar’s gaze softened as he looked down at you, but once his chocolate brown hues fell upon his brother, they quickly hardened with anger.

 ‘’You did this. . .you fucking had to get your dick wet that bad that you didn’t even consider her! She did everything for us! For you! She was there for me when you weren’t! You were too busy being Spooky that you couldn’t be fucking bothered!’’ he snarled.

 ‘’Watch your fucking mouth, Lil Spooky,’’ Oscar steadily rose on his two feet, towering over Cesar. You stood as well, ready to jump into the lion’s den if necessary.

  Cesar scoffed, a mocking smile on his lips before it quickly gave way to the coldest glare. He looked nearly identical to Oscar. ‘’You’ve given Ray so much shit for leaving us and abandoning his family. . .in reality you’re no better.’’

 Oscar lunged forward, the two brothers tangled up as fists were flying.

 ‘’Oscar stop!’’ you screamed, throwing yourself into your ex, dodging fists left and right. Ray barged back into the house, getting a grip of Oscar as you shoved Cesar in the opposite way. The sound of Oscar’s fist coming into contact with Ray’s jaw echoed throughout the house.

 ‘’Get the fuck off of me! Get the fuck off of me!’’ Oscar snarled, desperately trying to shove his father off him to no avail. What Ray lacked in height when it came to Oscar, he made up with in strength. You could see Ray struggling to rein in his anger and maintain his grip on his son. Tears filled your eyes as well as Cesar’s as the two of you fell to the floor, watching the two men struggle.

 ‘’Had enough?’’ Ray grunted. He still smelled like you, and that more than anything broke Oscar.

 Oscar managed to shove the Diaz patriarch off, falling back against the wall as he huffed, tears clouding his vision. His eyes fell on you and for once, he saw the damage his infidelities caused blow up in his face. His baby brother crying into your arms, begging it all to stop as you cried to yourself in the corner. Both of you looked so small, you looked so defeated. He had fucked up. You met his broken gaze, shaking your head as if you could will all of this to evaporate. You had fucked up. The next morning, you began looking around Freeridge for apartments. The next few weeks, Oscar helped you load up your car as you moved twenty-five minutes away from the only home you knew. The day after that? You gathered the rest of your belongings and bit back a sob as you held Cesar in a crushing hug. As you looked over his shoulder, you saw Oscar leaning against the porch’s structure, biting his lip as he looked down at you, fighting the urge to ask you to stay. To work through it. But he quickly realized that was what he had been asking of you throughout all of these years. And that is why he remained silent as you pulled out of the Diaz’s driveway. He didn’t move until your car was out of sight.

 You shook your head, leaning against the island in the middle of your kitchen. Your hands rubbed and massaged at your temples, biting down on your bottom lip to prevent the tears from falling. ‘’That was on me,’’ you whispered, voice croaking with emotion. You jumped when you felt Ray’s strong hand on your shoulder. You gasped as a jolt of electricity passed through the two of you. Judging from the quick intake of breath, Ray felt it too.

 ‘’I’m so sorry,’’ he whispered. You straightened out, looking up at Ray despite still only reaching his collar bone. The inner struggle was clear as day in Ray’s eyes. He was undoubtfully attracted to you. But more than that, he admired you. The way you cared for his sons. The way you managed to handle the lifestyle of the Santos while still obtaining your classy demeanor. You were capable of holding down a family. And although you were insecure thanks to what his eldest son had put you through, Ray wanted nothing more than to reassure you of your worth.

 You hesitated for just a moment, before lunging upwards and meeting Ray in a passionate kiss. A kiss that conveyed all the words you wished to say, but didn’t have the strength to voice. His hands clutched your hip and cradled the side of your neck as he returned the kiss tenfold. Whether it was lust, genuine interest, curiosity, or some weird concoction of all three you found it entirely all too easy to throw caution to the wind around this man.

 You nipped at Ray’s bottom lip playfully, biting back a grin when you solicited a low moan from him. Pride be damned. Morals be damned. You had no obligation to Oscar anymore. Cesar didn’t need to know about this. It would just be a secret between the two of you.

 The whimper that escaped your lips as he forcefully tugged off your top sent shivers down Ray’s spine. He grunted when his eyes feasted on the exposed skin. Without him even asking you, you unclasped your bra and stood topless in front of him. He dove down, expertly taking your nipple into his hot mouth and began twirling his tongue around your hardened bud. You moaned mewled, hands running through his short hair and roaming his broad, muscled back. Your eyes rested on the faded Santos cross on his arm, whimpering when he nipped at your sensitive skin.

 ‘’R-Ray,’’ you moaned lowly, mouth falling open when his hand made contact with your ass in a playful slap. You had no time to recover before he pulled away from you, gently turning you so that your front was pushed and pinned against the cool surface of the granite island. You hissed as your already hard, sensitive tits pressed against the freezing surface. You rested your cheek against the counter, shivering as Ray yanked down your leggings.

 ‘’Fuck,’’ he moaned, seeing your wet core fully exposed and presented to him.

 ‘’You’re going to be the death of me mami,’’ he whispered, pressing his bulge against your gaping hole. You bit your lip at the heat that emitted from his still clothed cock. You knew what was awaiting you and your insides coiled at the anticipation.

 Each of his massive hands took a firm hold on the globes of your ass, gripping them and spreading you apart so that you were on full display under him. You let out a shaky breath between panting when his hot saliva met your tightness. His thumb spread it against your folds, teasing your clit before diving two fingers into your awaiting cunt. Ray all but growled at the way you gripped his digits. The delicious way you pulsed and clenched excitedly around his middle and index finger. He found himself constantly thinking, ‘I could get used to this.’

 ‘’Ray,’’ your needy voice broke him out of his thoughts as he folded over you, you feeling ever muscle of his chest against your bare back as he pressed light kisses against your shoulder before finally meeting your cheek and then your plump lips.

 ‘’I need you,’’ you whispered, leaning into his kisses and sighing when you heard him pull himself from his pants.

 ‘’You have me, princessa,’’ he grunted, working himself with one hand as the other tangled with yours’. ‘’You have me, all of me,’’ he groaned thrusting his hips forward and filling you with a brutal, singular thrust. You cried out, the burn of him stretching your tight canal was familiar and slightly painful, but divine all at once. His hand clenched yours, as if assuring you that you were ok, his lips still kissing the tears that threatened to escape the corners of your eyes.

 ‘’Fuck y/n,’’ he groaned, savoring the feel of his cock dragging within your tight pussy, pulling you back towards him as bit, only for you to bounce forward as he thrusted back into your core. He set a fast, brutal pace as the sounds of his thrusts echoed off the walls. You were grateful that your neighbors were at work, the wanton mewls and cries that escaped your lips would’ve surely caught their attention. As his hand held yours throughout the entire time he fucked into you, the other had a firm grip on your shoulder. Pinning you down so that you couldn’t slip from his cock and pulling you back to impale yourself on to his thickness.

 You attempted to burn the sounds of his grunts and groans, as well as the squelching of your tight core every time his hips snapped against you from behind, but soon became overwhelmed. He was heavy and hot inside of you. You could feel exactly where he was every time he was seated inside of you. Your body bounced in tune with his movements, but the feeling of his heavy, throbbing manhood in your cunt was something you’d always savor.

 Before you could even speak, waves of euphoria crashed within you as your release fell over his still hard cock. You could only cry out his name, panting it out as his hold on you tightened. He pressed fully against you, curling over your back as his cock throbbed and pulsed violently, painting your insides with his release.

 His arms wrapped around your front, dragging you so that you rested against his chest, impaling you on his still solid dick. With awkward movements he led you past the kitchen, into your bedroom while every step you took resulted in another jolt as you practically balanced yourself on his cock.

 Ray only pulled out briefly, laying you on your back on your mattress. He hovered over you, panting as his eyes glazed over at the sight of you. Your hair sprawled out like a crown around you, chest heaving with your labored breath and the post-orgasm tremors that shook you. What really caught his attention was the sight of your pretty pussy, still impossibly tight, dripping with his load onto your sky-blue comforter.

 ‘’Ray,’’ you whispered, reaching up for him. He laid over you, crashing his lips against your lips, seating himself back inside you. Your hands clawed at the white tank he still had on, only or him to pull away slightly and yank it off, tossing it carelessly into the corner of your room. His sweatpants were next along with any other article of clothing he had previously worn. All that was left was himself, bare and all.

 Your leggings had been long abandoned in the kitchen and the moment his bare skin met yours, your fates were sealed. It was hot, passionate, deplorable, mind-blowing, wicked, otherworldly sex. Your nails embedded themselves into his back and shoulders, your legs wrapping around his hips as they crashed into you. Your moans mingled with one another, lips and teeth occasionally clashing against each other as he moved in you.

 ‘’It’s been too fucking long without this tight pussy, princessa. My pussy,’’ he growled, hammering into you as you struggled to keep up with his thrusts. Your clutched the comforter beneath you as that familiar coil began curling and tightening within you. He was reaching new depths, exploring new parts of you that you didn’t even know existed. And all you could do was lay there, moan out his name, and take it.

 ‘’Fuck, Ray, yes, fuck it feels so good,’’ you whined, throwing your head back as he began nipping and sucking on the column on your neck.

 ‘’Cum for me, mi reina,’’ he grunted, every muscle flexing as he moaned and panted above you. His hands were wrapped around your hips, dragging and pulling you upwards to meet his thrusts. The coil was impossibly tight, tears running down your cheeks and falling onto the bed below from the sensation of it all.

 But came you did, violently around his manhood. You shook underneath him, mouth warped into an ‘’o’’ shape as you sighed and moaned under him. His thrusts sped up, to your shock, and it all came to a close the moment he pulled you to him, tucking his face into the base of your neck as his hot, thick load filled you once more.

 As he pulsed within you, your pussy clenching and unclenching from the aftermath of two mind-blowing orgasms back to back, you simply laid there. You basked in the aftermath of it all, shivering when his load began dripping out of you and pooling onto the blanket, leaving a quarter-sized dark spot in its’ path. Once your breathing returned to normal, Ray met your eyes, a softness in them. His mouth met yours in a comforting, warm kiss. He was still inside you when you closed your eyes and fell into a satisfying, deep sleep.

  When you had opened your eyes, it was visibly night-time. The orange glow of the streetlights illuminated your bedroom from your sheer curtains. Ray was knocked out beside you, one muscled arm thrown over your side in a protective manner. A small smile graced your lips, widening when you felt the strangely satisfying soreness between your legs.

 You quietly got out of bed, maneuvering around the apartment to get a glass of water while trying not to disturb Ray. You had no idea where this was going to lead you. You weighed the possibilities. To date your ex-boyfriend’s father just seemed so ridiculous and wrong. No matter what Oscar had put you through with his infidelities, to go ahead and enter a relationship with his father just seemed cruel to you. And what would Cesar think if he were to catch you and Ray together? At the same time, you didn’t want to say goodbye to Ray. Aside from great sex, you felt a genuine connection with him. He was older, yes, but he made you feel things that nobody ever had. You huffed, sipping on your water as you felt the beginnings of a headache approaching. A sudden knock and turn of your front door startled you to the point you nearly dropped your glass onto the hardwood floor.

 ‘’Y/n,’’ Cesar’s voice was muffled, but clear as day through the door.

 You gulped, body stiff with shock and fear. From your bedroom, the mattress creaked as Ray sat up, eyes groggy with sleep.

 ‘’Y/n?’’ he called out, getting up to check what the commotion was.

 ‘’Fuck me,’’ you sighed, mind racing and heart rising to your throat once more. You were so fucked.

#on my block #Ray Diaz #spooky diaz #cesar diaz #omb fic #ray x reader #freeridge #ray diaz x reader #Smut #on my block smut

[justnerdthings]

New Beginnings Ch. 8

Female reader x Liu Kang/Kung Lao

Liu Kang has spoken.

Liu had left you to rest in the infirmary. He was confident that you were going to be alright physically, mentally… But maybe not emotionally. Lao had gone too far last night. Stepping out of the infirmary, he sighed.

“How is she?” Lao asked, pushing himself off the wall. He’d been waiting outside.

“You went too far,” Liu told him, stepping out of the way of a passing monk. Liu watched Lao frown… really frown. Lao was genuinely feeling the guilt. “She’ll be fine… Physically,” Liu tried to reassure his brother.

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean.”

Lao swallowed the lump in his throat.

“She asked me to keep you away from her. I think you should keep your distance for a while,” Liu told him.

Lao opened his mouth to protest, but seeing Liu’s serious expression made him close his mouth without a word. Lao nodded, agreeing to grant your wish.

“Give her a few days,” Liu reached out and placed a reassuring hand on Lao’s shoulder. “The monks want her to rest anyway. She deserves that much.”

“I wouldn’t have let her fall,” Lao admitted, futilely rubbing the guilt from his face.

“I know.” Liu gave his shoulder a small pat before he began walking down the hall. Lao walked with him.

“I left my hat in the sand. I would have teleported back there if it went wrong.”

“I know.” Liu nodded.

“She was right.”

Liu cocked a brow and glanced to him.

“I’m a fucking idiot.”

Liu grinned and looked back down the hall. “And an asshole.”

Lao sighed heavily. He really had been. “I really screwed this up, didn’t I?”

Liu nodded. “Just give her a few days,” he repeated.

.

Lao had kept his word. He didn’t bother you all day. In fact, you didn’t see him at all after meditation. Liu had talked him out of it every time Lao said that he wanted to see how you were doing--to apologize to you. Liu knew you weren’t ready to see him again. He’d never seen Lao so beat up over himself.

You didn’t go to lunch, and you hadn’t been there now at dinner. Liu watched as his brother idly pushed his food around his plate.

“You need to eat, Lao,” Liu told him.

“I am…” Lao didn’t bother to look up.

“No, you’re not. You’re just pushing your food around to make it look like you are.”

“Do you think she hates me?”

Liu sighed. He’d been dealing with Lao’s guilt all day. “Well, she’s certainly not fond of you at the moment.” He didn’t mean to say that as harsh as it came out. But it was true.

Lao’s jaw hardened and he put his chopsticks down. There was no point in pretending anymore. “Do you think if I told her that I had had a plan, that she wouldn’t be so angry?”

“I think if you go anywhere near her right now, I’ll break your arm,” Liu said impatiently, then pointed to Lao’s plate, not giving his brother even a glance. “Eat.”

Lao stared at his plate. He should eat. But he wasn’t hungry. He wasn’t very hungry at lunch either… or breakfast.

“If you don’t eat, I’ll shove eggrolls down your throat,” Liu threatened.

Lao grabbed his chopsticks. He lifted an eggroll and took a bite. Liu was serious, maybe not literally, but he would make Lao eat before he left the table. Lao hadn’t eaten all day.

“Just think of this as a lesson,” Liu told him before taking a bite of his own food.

Lao just gave a defeated grunt in response.

“I know you don’t like them,” Liu answered. With how close they were, he could decipher Lao’s grunts. “But you can’t skip this one like when we were children.”

Lao sighed in his defeat. He had had a habit of ditching classes when they were kids. The monks were just so boring. He just wanted to train and fool around. Liu never missed his classes though. You had been right earlier: Liu was the smart one.

“Your actions have repercussions,” Liu told him.

“Yeah, yeah…” Lao ran his fingers through his hair. “I get it.”

Liu nodded and continued eating.

“I really am sorry, though,” Lao admitted for the seventeenth time that day.

Liu nodded again. “I know, Lao.”

.

After dinner, Liu had forgone his evening meditation in favor of checking on you again. The monks had told him that you had been free to go since his last visit after breakfast, but you had opted to stay in the infirmary. Liu wondered why as he searched the makeshift hospital… Until he finally found you.

You were helping a warrior monk who, by the look of it, had injured his foot. Standing back and out of the way, he watched silently as you treated the monk.

“Does it hurt when I put pressure here?” You asked as you pressed gently on either side of his ankle. He let out a pained gasp and jerked his foot back in your hand. Yeah. That hurt. And you did too with his sudden movement, irritating your shoulders and back. You fought back a flinch of your own pain, pushing it out of your head. You nodded to him. “I’m sorry,” you apologized. The monk had trouble moving his foot. He’d explained just earlier that he’d rolled it while practicing a new fighting style. He had to have help getting to the infirmary, but he could put weight on it as long as he did so slowly. He had wobbled though when you’d asked him to demonstrate just a few minutes ago. You were pretty sure it was just a sprained ankle by now.

Letting his foot down ever so gently, you turned and rifled through the various cabinets until you found what you were looking for: compression wraps. You pulled over a stool and sat at his foot.

“Broken?” The monk asked, obviously not knowing much english. You grinned and shook your head as you carefully began to wrap his foot.

“No. Just a sprain,” you told him, happy for him. By the sound of him earlier, you were sure whatever he had been doing could have had the potential to break his ankle. You saw him nod his head out the corner of your eye. He flinched and jerked as you wrapped his ankle tight. “I’m sorry. Just a bit more,” you told him gently as you made sure to wrap it tight enough to give him the support he’d need, but not too tight.

You had finished in no time and secured the end of the wrap with the metal clasp. You carefully let his foot dangle off the gurney and stood, offering him both hands to help him stand. Despite the surge of pain it gave your shoulders and back, you helped support him as he put weight back on his foot. You could win an oscar for how well you hid your own pain, but this monk wouldn’t be winning any awards for his efforts. You frowned to him but helped him over to another monk--the one who helped him get to the infirmary. Looking to the injured one again, you pointed to his ankle. “Rest,” you told him, hoping he would understand. Seeing him nod, then bow graciously, you knew he did. You returned his bow as best you could without hurting your back too much and watched as his friend helped him down the hall.

That’s when you noticed Liu standing out of the way, watching you with a smile. Had he been standing there the whole time? Watching you? Your jaw clenched as you turned away to clean up, expecting him to tell you to rest yourself.

Liu watched as you tidied up. You were a nurse. Of course you looked so natural in this setting. This was you. His smile grew as he realised just how in your element you were. “You look better,” he said.

You scoffed a laugh. “I don’t feel it.”

Liu shook his head as he joined you. “I mean here.” He gestured broadly to the infirmary. You looked to him with bewilderment. “The infirmary. You look better here,” he said. “More natural.”

Oh. Yeah. You nodded and sighed, tossing your gloves into a waste bin. “Feels more natural here.”

“I noticed.”

You glanced at him, then turned to walk down the hall. He followed you. You could feel his eyes on you. “I like it here. Feels…” You struggled for the word.

“Normal?” Liu offered.

You stopped and turned to look at him. He understood you, didn’t he? You let a heavy breath go, as if relaxing for the first time since you’d gotten here. “I miss it,” you admitted.

He nodded. “I’m glad you’ve found something here you like. It must have been a culture shock that day.”

You laughed and let yourself back against a wall carefully, leaning on it to rest your back. “Understatement of the year,” you said. He smiled and stepped closer. Liu debated with himself for a moment. His eyes shifted to the floor, then to his prayer beads. You noticed. “What?” you asked.

He shook his head. “Nothing. How is your back?” He’d changed the subject.

“Still sore, Liu,” You repeated playfully from the other day. He laughed, catching it immediately. “But really, what?” you asked.

He hesitated, but seeing your pressing face, he caved. “Lao’s said he’s sorry.”

You rolled your eyes and rubbed your forehead. Not this again. “Please, don’t…” you begged.

Liu frowned. “I know. You don’t want to hear it.”

“I really don’t.”

“Just one more?”

“Fine. One.”

“I’ve never seen him this upset,” he’d admitted.

You didn’t know what to say. You didn’t know what to think. Last night you were sure you had seen Lao become embarrassed when you called him out on hiding feelings for you. Then this morning Liu had told you Lao had just been testing you. So which was it? Did Lao have feelings? Or could Lao also win an oscar? You rubbed your head again before letting your hand drop to your side. “I don’t want to think about him right now,” you said.

“Fair enough.” Liu nodded. “Do you feel up for a walk?”

“It doesn’t involve unnecessary routes, does it?”

He grinned and shook his head. “Not if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t,” you said, but pushed yourself away from the wall and walked for the infirmary door. Once you two were outside, you were surprised to see Liu offer his arm to you. He really was a gentleman, wasn’t he? You took it. He led you through the halls.

.

You two had walked the halls and Liu had regaled you with the history of Mortal Kombat. You were sure he knew everything about it. He studied it. He lived it. He breathed it. Liu led you to every mural the temple had and told you the story each one depicted. Even The Great Kung Lao’s. It made you uncomfortable at first, because you ended up being reminded of Lao, but you realized it wasn’t fair to this Kung Lao. They were two different people who just happened to have the same name… and same blood. You now grasped the importance of why Lao was so picky when it came to his future wife. You got it. It was important to him and his family. He was practically Mortal Kombat royalty.

Liu then brought you to the arena he was fond of. The one with the statute of Raiden. He told you the identity of the other statue. It was Raiden’s brother: Fujin, a wind god who had decided long ago to spend his time among mortals, much to Raiden’s displeasure. Liu told you all about Fujin, all about Raiden, all about the elder gods. You didn’t know what to think with all this information, but you were glad to finally have it.

You two had walked in silence after that. You weren’t sure if it was because Liu had finally tired of talking, or because he didn’t know what else to talk about. It was awkward at first, but quickly grew--… relaxing. Almost meditative. Not once did he lead you by any extraordinary views of the ravine. You could trust him, you knew that.

“I need to confess again,” he broke the silence. You turned your head to look up at his face as you two kept walking. He hesitated, as if rethinking his decision, but forced it out, “I have thought of you…”

Your legs stopped. You stared at him. You knew exactly what he was saying. You remembered last night’s fight at dinner. Lao teased Liu for feelings you weren’t sure he really had at the time. But now… He was confessing them to you. Okay, maybe Lao wasn’t deflecting. Maybe Liu had really been a victim himself last night in Lao’s attempts to rile you up. You swallowed the growing lump in your throat.

“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same,” Liu said, avoiding your eyes.

You wouldn’t have lied if he’d asked if you had felt something, but you were grateful that he hadn’t asked. Did you? Yes. There was something there. But love? Lust? You weren’t sure. It was more just ‘trust’ right now. “I don’t know what to say,” you told him gently.

He shook his head and forced a smile to his face as he finally looked to you. “You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted to let you know.”

You couldn’t help but frown. “Thanks…” That sounded stupid coming out of your mouth. You didn’t know what else to say. You tugged him along as you continued to walk, looking at the floor. Now the walk was awkward again.

“Are… are you sure it’s not just because I’m the only woman here?” You asked nervously. Maybe he was just confused. Honestly, how could anyone like you? You were a mess. And you weren’t even that pretty.

Liu’s brow wrinkled. That was such an odd question. But, he could understand what you were asking. The Order of Light was an order of monks. Just monks. There were no nuns here. And no other kombatants but you, him, and Lao. He got it. You must have felt vulnerable… maybe alone?

He frowned. “I admit, I don’t have much experience with women. Ever since I became a monk, I’ve been focused on training. I’m sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable.”

“No… It’s not that. I just…” You sucked in a deep breath as your nerves fired up. “Just, I’m the only girl here. You sure you’re actually thinking of me?”

He turned his head to look at her in confusion.

“Like, I could have been anyone. What if I was some other girl? What if she was better than me? What if there were plenty of women here? Would you even notice me?”

Oh. Now it was clicking for him. He shook his head as if to protest, but didn’t say anything. Liu actually thought about it. “Maybe…” he finally answered. “If you were the only one with the mark, of course I’d notice you.” Wait. That wasn’t what he meant. He didn’t want to insult you. “I mean—”

“I get it,” you broke in. “It’s fine. I’m used to it.”

“No.” He stopped you gently and moved in front of you so you would look at him. “Hold on.” His jaw flexed as he tried to sort his thoughts into words. He wasn’t used to this at all. “If this temple had plenty of women, I’m sure I would notice you. Even if you didn’t have the mark. Even if you were just a quiet nun who never stood out.”

Your brows knotted in suspicion. You weren’t sure if he was just trying to make you feel better, or if he was just struggling to say what he felt.

He’d noticed your suspicion and pointed gently, accusingly to your face. “That,” he said. “Stop that. Listen to me. Not your head.”

You blinked at him. How did he know you were doubting him—

“When I saw you help brother Li back there, I saw exactly who you are. I saw exactly why Raiden was so set on saving you and bringing you here to train with us. I thought I’d seen it before, but I only had half of it. Maybe I still don’t see the whole reason, but I definitely see more of it,” He told you.

But what the hell was he talking about?

“You are amazing,” he said, catching you off guard. “I have seen hundreds of people--of monks try and fail to find themselves. And you just… You just are. I see you second, third, hundredth guess yourself every day, but when you’re in a situation that needs to be dealt with, you jump in and take it into your own hands. Last night? I couldn’t believe that you had caught Lao. I figured you would freeze up when the time came. That is huge. And Lao told me about the man you saved in a fire.” He stepped closer, keeping his eyes locked on yours, his shifting focus from one to the other. “What are you?” he asked, just so simply amazed with you.

“I’m… just a nurse,” you answered sheepishly.

“No. You’re not. Look at yourself. Really look at yourself. You don’t just risk your time to help people. You risk your life. I’m not trying to dismiss what nurses do. But most nurses don’t throw themselves over a cliff to save someone. They don’t run into fires without proper equipment. And what you did with brother Li? Y/N, you didn’t have to help him. There were plenty of infirmary monks that could have done that. You’re injured. You’re in pain. You should be resting, but you helped him anyway.”

“It was just a sprained ankle,” you tried to reason. “It was nothing.”

“What if it was something?”

“What?”

“What if it was an emergency? What if he was dying?”

“He wasn’t—”

“Humor me.”

“I…” Your jaw clenched. You knew what he was doing. Lao had done this several times. “I would have helped,” you admitted. “I would have had to.”

“You wouldn’t have had to.”

“I would have wanted to.”

He smiled to you. You were near tears and he reached up to hold your face gently in his warm hands. Liu’s dark eyes never left yours. “I know you don’t think of yourself as someone who deserves credit. I know you don’t expect to be appreciated for what you do. I know you feel like someone who doesn’t get noticed. Whether you think it’s because you’re not good enough, or you’re not strong enough, or because your head tells you lies about yourself…” Tears had started to trickle down your cheeks and his thumbs wiped them away. “So don’t ask me if I would ignore you if someone better was around. You’re going to be really hard to beat,” he said, smiling to you. And he meant it.

.

@ancientowlgirl @miss-nori85

#mortal kombat #mortal kombat 2021 #liu kang #kung lao #raiden #reader insert #fanfic #fic #reader x character #ludi lin #max huang #tadanobu asano #new beginnings

[scottfuckingreed]

It’s a Pogue Thing - Part Three

This is a JJ Maybank story

-

Warnings!: swearing and mentions of abuse

-

     I wake up alone. Not only without JJ, but also without Kiara. I’m confused until I smell it... breakfast? It can’t be. Throwing myself out of bed, I dress myself and prepare myself for the brightness outside this room. “Ah there she is!” John B smiles. Before I can even react. a bit of toast bounces off of my head. All I can do is shut my eyes. I’m not even a fully functioning human yet. “Thanks,” I slide my feet across the floor, all the way to the couch. “Nice sleep?” Kiara chuckles, handing me an ‘in tact’ piece of toast. “It was alright.” I shrug. Internally I feel giddy. “You looked like you were pretty deep into it,” she adds. I was. She’s absolutely right. “I bet she was,” the husky morning voice of JJ erupts as he comes out of the bathroom. “Especially after last night.” His words get linked with a wink, followed by my heart stopping. “Yeah I’m sorry about that guys...” I flash my eyes straight over to John B. I’m definitely overthinking everything. Why would anyone even think JJ and I would ever? We wouldn’t. I guess that’s not true anymore. Either way, I’m fully awake now. “I didn’t realize it would be such a dead end.” Kiara’s hand cups John B’s shoulder in attempt to comfort. The blend of pain and disappointment in his voice was radiating through him. I wish there was another way; an easier way. “We just need to look closer. I’m sure there’s something,” I lie. “Are we sure there’s anything to find at all?” I throw my bread at the jackass. “JJ!” Ki follows. “You’re just pissed ‘cause I’m being honest. I’m sorry John, but what are we going on again?” I decide to stay quiet. “It doesn’t hurt to look again-” “You guys do what you want.”

     Not fully sure why, I rush my shoes on and follow the boy storming away. I feel somewhat protective over him. It’s a strange feeling. “JJ! Wait!” I call, jogging to catch up with him. He hardly slows. The anger was pretty much radiating off of his body. “If you’re here to-” “I’m here because I agree with you,” he pauses and frowns. “Even if there’s nothing, we still have to try.” Saying those words aloud feels like betrayal. I wish I had the guts to say what I thought, just like JJ, but there’s a time and a place. And both of those were wrong in that moment. “It’s false hope.” His words are blunt. “I know,” I whisper. I smooth my hair back with my hands. “You- he needs this JJ.” As he nods, he rolls his eyes. “He’s my best friend Y/N-” “I know JJ, but you just need to be a little more sensitive.” Once again, he rolls his eyes. “I’m sorry, I just can’t lie to him,” shrugging, I realize this will continue to go in circles. “Fine,” I give up. A little frustrated, I turn around and start walking back to John B’s. “Where are you going?” I turn around quickly. I can’t help but frown at him. Like a dog, I tilt my head slightly to the side. “I thought we could grab some breakfast?” “I- what?” “I can tell you’re pissed.” Wow. Is it that obvious? I guess I don’t hide my emotions very well. “We ate at John’s...” I don’t know if I want to eat with him right now. “No. I didn’t eat, and you threw yours at me. Come on,” he nods and walks away from me. That’s it? And of course I follow him. I can’t not. 

     The walk was too quiet. It wasn’t necessarily awkward, but it had the ‘do I speak now or not’ vibe. When we get to a table in a small cafe, I sit opposite him slowly. “You can’t be that mad at me...” He chuckles slightly. Then comes the smirk. I didn’t know a look could do so many things to a person. It makes me want to slap him so bad. It also just makes me smile. “I’ll buy the food?” He tempts. “Do I even want to know where you get your money from?” The top and bottom lip press together on the boy’s face. “Probably not, you’re a good girl,” he winks. 

     Food. The boy truly knows me. So once that glorious breakfast spread was displayed in front of me - those exquisite eggs, the beautiful bacon, that tasty ass toast - he was forgiven. No grudges. I don’t even remember why I was even annoyed at him. “Wow,” is all I can express. Only a very small number of things can make me speechless. This is at the top of that list. “I know, I’m amazing,” he nods with a smug look on his face. Even when he’s joking about it, he always looks incredibly pleased with himself. I wish I had his confidence... or arrogance. Which either one it is, it works for him. Which is an utter shame. 

     We both indulged in every bite. Our plates looked both new and pristine. I am entirely and completely stuffed, and yet - if someone offered it to me - I could probably eat more. Although, I would definitely be sick. “That was so fucking good,” I let out in a ‘little too sexual’ of a moan. “That’s hot,” he informs me. God he’s so annoying. “Don’t even try it, JJ,” I wave my fork towards him. My threat just causes his to smirk. “So, what do you wanna do now?” A pleading smile gleams across his face. It’s not like me to give in to such tendencies. I just cannot seem to help it when it comes to JJ. “You don’t wanna go back to your boyfriend’s?” I tease. “Not really,” he shrugs. “I need a break from all that crime shit for today.” I don’t blame him. I hate to say it, but it brings an awkward and depressing atmosphere. I do feel bad for John B, but it’s too much if it’s all the time. A break, as selfish as it sounds, is what I need for today.

      As I stand up from my seat, my eyes immediate lock to the next customers walking through the door. Topper and Rafe. All I can think to do is sit back down. Just before my body starts zoning out, I hear JJ’s voice. “What are you doing?” He laughs in confusion. I haven’t been very open about mine and Rafe’s ‘relationship’ at all. I hate to even call it that. They know that he was a dick, which is the biggest understatement of the century, and they know we had a pretty awful break up. That’s it. At least I wish that was it. 4 months isn’t long enough to heal after... him. It’s just not. He’s mentally, emotionally, and literally physically everywhere. I nod my head, hinting at him to turn around. “Ah.” Is all he says. Rafe sends an obvious smirk to Topper, before making a straight line towards me and JJ. “Hey beautiful,” my skin crawls at his words. He makes me so angry, but I struggle to find the words to say. “What do you want Rafe?” I let out in a harsh tone. I wish I could scream at him, and just call him out on every single thing, but I can’t. Fuck. “Just here for something to eat,” he raises his eyebrows and smirks, placing a heavy hand on JJ’s shoulder. He doesn’t even budge, just lets an annoyed smile spread across his face. Topper chuckles at his best friend’s revolting sexual innuendo. “Why are you such a little bitch?” JJ nudges Topper on his side. It was just a poke, but it sent Topper moving. “What did you just call me?” Topper moves back towards him. JJ shoots up out of his chair. “You heard me, I don’t think you can move much further up his ass,” I press my lips together, trying not to laugh. “Can we just go?” His eyes just stare into Topper’s, while Rafe looks proudly at his boy. “JJ...” I wrap my hand around his forearm and pull slightly. “Fine.” Just as I get the boy to move away from the scene, Rafe decides to make the comment, “Who’s the bitch now?!” As you can expect, JJ does a 180 and darts back towards the two assholes. A fist hits my ex’s face. 

“God JJ,” I raise my voice slightly at the boy, sucking in my sad emotions. If anything I’m annoyed at myself for not being to stick up for myself. It’s just so hard to see him, let alone hear his voice. And to communicate with him? It feels almost impossible. “Why are you annoyed at me?” He snaps. “I’m not, I just wish you’d know when to leave things alone,” I roll my eyes. “I’m not your bitch Y/N.” I ignore him. I know he’s not. I realise I am probably projecting my frustration out now, and taking it out on someone who is very easy to argue with. “No, you don’t even fucking listen to me.” I speed up my walk. There are several things I need to do; breathe is the first one, then probably punch something or someone, then cry. Crying sounds like a plan. Footsteps inch closer and closer behind me. “I didn’t mean to upset you, I was just-” “I know.” I stop him. If he asks that question, the question I have avoided since the break up, I will break down. Fragile is an understatement. I’m like a bird with a broken wing, or a dried out twig ready to snap. One little gush of wind and I’m done. I will break. “Did something else happen, with you and Rafe?”

flashback

I made a joke. That’s it. I was caught up in the moment, and made a joke that he didn’t find funny. I could tell. He didn’t shout. He didn’t even raise his voice. He just stayed silent. His face just dropped. He’s pissed. He’s pissed at me. There was no retaliation, solely because his friends were around. Topper was there. There were other’s there. Now there’s not. I’m fucked. 

“Look, Rafe, I didn’t mean-” “You didn’t mean it? All you do it fucking embarrass me! You always mean it!” He shouts. The rasp in his voice startles me, and instantly pushes the tears out of my eyes. I’m scared. I’m scared of him. I’m scared for me. “I was just joking around, I-I-I-I” I stutter. The words pause as I get pushed against the counter. The harsh corner stabs into my back, making me fall to the floor in pain. I sit quietened by the wind being pushed out of my body. My mouth stays wide in agonizing pain, but my scream is silent. There’s no weep. There’s not a cry. Just tears falling down my now heated cheeks. I take a deep inhale of breath. I have no strength, emotional or physical, to get myself off of the floor. I can’t... Not on my own. Rafe’s face sits in the sight of my blurred eyes, as he places himself in front of me. “I don’t know why you always do this baby,” his fingers, which were previously on harsh hands, caress my chin softly. A thumb wipes my tears. Instead of pushing him away like I should, I nuzzle my hand into his hand. I’ve made enough mistakes tonight. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. A set of lips go to my forehead. 

“Y/N...” A soft voice snaps me back to reality. That was early days. It wasn’t even bad then. I cough slightly. How awkward. “Did he hurt you?” He asks, in a tone I don’t know if I’ve ever heard JJ use. It was gentle and careful, and had meaning behind it. Despite JJ being an idiot, I trust JJ with my life. Literally. But this... I can’t tell anybody about it. Not a soul. “He broke my heart JJ,” honestly, I’m not sure if I lied to JJ or not. I don’t ever remember loving that guy. I must’ve. 

We head back to John B’s. Everyone other than Pope was still there. John was looking at the research his father gathered, and combining it with the little amount we’ve managed to find. Ki was cleaning his shitty place up. She’s way to good to that boy sometimes. Somehow, no matter how many times it gets cleaned, it’s always a huge mess. “Where did you guy’s go?” Luckily, with the long-ish walk back, we no longer look stressed. “We got breakfast,” I throw myself onto the couch. John B looks up from his pages and raises his eyebrows. “You never take me to breakfast!” He throws his hand over his heart, clearly in pain. “You’re not as good company as me John, just accept it.” “Did you pay for it?” Kiara asks. I immediately sit up, snapping my head to the boy as I realise. “You little thief,” JJ says before I can even speak. “No I-” “Damn Y/N, I must be rubbing off on you, finally.”

#Outer Banks #outer banks jj #jj outer banks #obx jj x reader #jj maybank #obx jj

[justcallmenikki7]

Love at first Sight

BTS!Twilight!Au & Supernatural!Au

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Summary: Trying to be a good college student, you decide to study with your best friend in the universities library. But all it takes is one look at the bunny like boy to find your soulmate. 

Warnings: FLUUUF, Jungkook trying to be patient with you but all he wants is for you to accept him and the imprint bond, angst, minor character death, Werewolf!Jungkook, BTS in general, reader nervous and trying to decide what’s right

W.C.: 4k

Notes: So, I have had this in my drafts for so long, and I was wanting to stick with the headcanons, but I was wanting to get this out so badly so I am doing just that. I will have Jungkook’s HC posted soon!!

Ever since you met Lisa Manoban at the age of sixteen, you entered the world of the supernatural. At first, you had no clue about the supernatural, even though you were friends with a vampire for a year, Lisa had kept her identity hidden from you. You were oblivious, never catching onto how she would stay up all night, not once being tired, how she was constantly cold, and how she had talked about history as if she lived in it. In your defense, you believed that she was a huge history geek.

But that was all washed away when you walked in on her sucking blood from a human. Looking back on it, the both of you laugh about the situation. But in that moment, you believed that you were somehow drugged on your way to her house. In honesty, you were very calm about the whole situation, minus the dead body on the ground fifteen feet away from you.

Two years later, you believe that you are a genius when it comes to the supernatural. Having a best friend who is a three-hundred-year-old vampire who has told you everything about the supernatural world is cool. Learning about demons, ghosts, werewolves, vampires, and even Gods is handy.

“Why can’t the dogs stay outside where they belong?” Your best friend, Lisa, groaned.

“Why are you even breathing? You don’t need to breathe,” you commented, not looking up from your textbook.

“Because I enjoy the smell of old books, but the dogs are tainting it with their wet dog smell,” she countered back, knowing that the werewolves themselves can hear her. A growl ripping through the air was a tell-tale sign that they did, only to be answered by a smirk from Lisa.

Lisa, in short, can be considered as a sadistic person because she loved messing with people, especially the wolves. You knew that she could defend herself, being alive for 300 years has given here plenty of experience to take care of herself.

“Can you stop tormenting the wolves and help me study?” You asked, looking up at her.

Pouting, “I guess.”

Movement from the other side of the room caught your attention. Looking over, your eyes were met with a pair of doe like eyes. That was when you felt like everything was put together – as if you found the one thing that you have been searching for your entire life.

“Oh, hell no,” you heard Lisa protest, standing up, collecting both of yours books, shaking you out of your trance.

The sound of a primal, possessive growl cut through the air, making a shiver of familiarity and want go down your spine. But then you also wanted to calm down them and make sure that they are okay.

“What’s going on? Why are we leaving?”

Before your questions could be answered, you felt a warm presence behind you. All you wanted to do was fall back into them, to be able to soak up their warmth and hide away in what you would consider to be home.

“Back away from my mate, blood sucker.” The person behind you demanded, leaving no room for questions.

“Blood sucker? Oh, that’s fucking rich.” Lisa gave out a sarcastic laugh, stepping around the table to get closer to the wolf that you have yet to put a name too.

Turning around, you were met with the one and only, Jeon Jungkook. You were at first confused on why he was so close to you, and even associating with you guys. But once his eyes met yours, you put the pieces together.

You are Jeon Jungkook’s imprint.

Lisa has told you stories about how only a select group of supernatural creatures have an imprint. She told you about how since the beginning of time, werewolves had a mate for life, or imprint, given to them. If that werewolf was rejected, then they were to become physically, mentally, and emotionally empty because they have lost their other half. In some rare cases, they die from depression. Nothing, no one, could heal them and bring them back to normal. They literally cannot move on.

“That is why I am very happy that vampires do not have an imprint because I’d rather die than be rejected by the one person I am made for,” Lisa admitted.

That is why he called you his mate, you added.

That is why you were in that trance.

Oh shit. Mentally you are face palming yourself for being slow.

Standing up from your chair, you stepped in between the two angry supernatural beings.

“Hold on,” you began.

“There’s no holding on. He just called me a fucking blood sucker.” Lisa practically screamed, hating that title.

“Lisa,” you said calmly, knowing how to handle her. “Go wait for me outside and we can go back to my place and study, okay?”

“You’re not going with her.” Jungkook jumped in, stepping closer to you.

Turning towards him, eyes narrowed. “And you do not have the ability, or say, or right, to tell me what I can and cannot do.” Your voice was stern, showing where you draw the line. Even though the look of hurt and defeat on his face made your heart clench sadly, you were not going to allow yourself to be in a position where you were bossed around.

“But she’s dangerous,” Jungkook tried to reason, desperateness evident his voice, both his inner wolf and him dreading the thought of you leaving with the vampire girl.

A scoff from Lisa confirmed that she did not go outside like you asked her too. “And you’re not?”

“She’s my imprint,” Jungkook growled, eyes turning to an almost charcoal black, hands shaking from anger.

Not knowing what to do, you stepped closer to Jungkook. Your actions seemed to have calmed him down slightly, and you could see movement behind him, alerting you that he has his pack behind him. “I know that I am your imprint, but that does not mean that you can tell me what I can and cannot do. I am going to leave with Lisa and that is final.”

Your words seemed to have broken him, and you could understand why because of how rejecting it sounded.

“You’re rejecting me?” He choked out, voice cracking and he looked so torn. The sight breaking your heart, something inside of you feels like it has died.

“No, but I need time to process this.” Your confirmation relaxed him and you, along with his pack who let out a breath that they have been holding this whole time.

Nodding his head reluctantly, he stepped away from you, something similar to a whine of sadness coming from his throat. Never has Jeon Jungkook felt so small in his life.

Giving him a sad smile, “Just give me time, please.” 

“Okay, I can do that.”

*****************************************************************************

You have to admit, Jungkook does not give up.

He has allowed you time to think about it, but you did not realize how many classes you had with him. Jungkook and his friends were rumored to be a gang called BTS, Kim Namjoon being the supposed leader. And they were not the only ‘gang’ to be at the university. There was ‘GOT7,’ ‘Seventeen’ and even ‘NCT,’ which so happened to be friends with BTS. You knew of them, having seen them around campus, but never have talked to them, besides Jung Hoseok, Jungkook’s pack member. The two of you were lab partners in Astronomy last semester.

But ever since you found out that Jungkook was your mate, he began to show up to class now. Of course, he did show up every now and then, probably three times a week. Now, he is showing up everyday and is now sitting behind you. His presence both overwhelms you and brings you a sense of security. You can feel his stare on you in class and around campus. You know that he is close by when you get a tingly feeling in your chest, a tell tale sign that tells you that your imprint is near. The both of you have yet to talk because each time he approaches you, you freak out and run away, dragging Lisa with you. You know that your actions hurt him when you do this. The tightness and longing in your chest is a sign that Jungkook is hurting. 

Every night you talk to Lisa about your situation. You have not put it off at all, something that you know that Jungkook is assuming that you are doing when Hoseok stopped you in the hallway. The thing is, you are terrified. You are terrified because you are nineteen with zero experience in the dating field. Being single your whole life is backfiring on you right now. You do not know what to expect or even know what to do. Plus, what if Jungkook is only feeling this way because you are his mate and he only wants to live? Is he just using you because you are his imprint, or does he seriously want to be with you and be committed?

Those questions earned you a slap from Lisa. “Dumbass, did you not listen to me when I explained to you how imprinting works? When a person imprints on someone, all that they see and want is them. Everyone else becomes irrelevant. Their loyalty stands with you, and their pack. Nothing and no one can break the bond that they have with you. It is said that the Moon Goddess herself made the bond not even break in death. Loyalty is the most important thing in the wolf world. I can bet my life that Jungkook is thinking about you right now. Well, I know he is because Kim Namjoon came up to me and asked me to talk to you, which is funny because he thinks that I haven’t, and gets you to talk to Jungkook. Supposedly Jungkook is acting like a scolded puppy and is pouting because you keep avoiding him.”

That is why you were not surprised when Jungkook cornered you one day (the day Lisa had to miss class) in the hallway. The distressed look on Jungkook’s face told you that he in fact is panicking. “I’m sorry, I know that I promised you that I would give you space, but I cannot stop thinking about you and needing to be in your presence. Both my wolf and I are freaking out. All we need is an answer, or at least a hint so we can calm down. I am so sorry for pressuring you.” He rushed out, leaning back to give you space. Running a hand through his hair, you could see how nervous he is.

“I’m sorry for being slow on getting back to you, I didn’t realize how badly this has been affecting you. I should’ve thought about that instead of being ignorant.”

Shaking his head violently, “No, no! Don’t apologize, I totally understand why you are taking a while. I just, my instincts were taking over because my wolf and I were needing to have some sort of contact with you to help calm down.”

“What fur color is your wolf?” You asked randomly, surprising Jungkook.

Smiling, “Black. Midnight black to be more specific,” he answered.

“That’s cool! Are you the only one with the fur color in your pack, or?”

“Yoongi-hyung has the same fur color, but his has a much darker tent than mine. Even though I have incredible sight, sometimes I can’t see him because of how well he blends in with his surroundings at night.”

“That’s really cool!” You boasted, becoming very intrigued with what you are learning about.

Jungkook flashed you a smile, making you smile back at him by how contagious it was. Clearing his throat, “So, uh, does this mean that like…”

“Yes,” you began, trying to calm your racing heart from the hopeful look on Jungkook’s face, “But, I don’t want to jump right into a relationship. I’ve never had a relationship before, and I don’t want to jump into one right yet.”

Trying to keep the sad look from showing, Jungkook still smiled brightly. “Of course! I don’t want you to be in a position where you feel uncomfortable.”

“Thanks for being understanding!”

And understanding he is.

After your guys talk, the both of you swapped phone numbers and even each other’s social media. Jungkook was determined to start a streak with you on snapchat and become your number one best friend on it, something you found funny. From then on out Jungkook became a constant in your life, a constant that Lisa does not like – mainly because she is not a fan of wolves. She, though, is happy to see how happy you have become, especially after your mother’s death. She could not deny how lovesick Jungkook is for you and how attentive he is with you. Her and the rest of BTS laugh with each other on how alert Jungkook becomes when you are doing something.

“Hey, I’m going to go and get some more ketchup.” You got up from the table and headed straight towards the counter that held the ketchup.

Lisa watched Jungkook stare at you as you walked off, never once taking his eyes off you. It was like a foreshadowing moment that Jungkook had – jumping up from his chair, he made his way towards you, tugging your arm towards him before you turned around and slipped in the puddle that was right below your feet. Lisa must admit that she did not even notice the puddle that was below your feet. Being a vampire, her eyesight and hearing are very advanced. So, seeing that Jungkook noticed it and prevented a scene of you falling, she could not deny the fondness that she is beginning to have towards the wolf.

But she believes that Jungkook has a sixth sense when it comes to you. And Jungkook does. The moment he woke up he could feel that there was something wrong with you. He does not know what, but the heavy feeling that him and his wolf felt was a sign that you were not okay.

And you are not.

Today marks the two-year death anniversary of your mom. Of course, everyday since that day has been hell, but knowing that two years ago, just a few hours before her death was the last time you got to hear her voice, feel her touch, and be with her. You hate yourself for not staying any longer with her, for not taking her with you when you had that ability.

You heard your phone buzzing like crazy, but you did not even bother with picking it up. All you did was stare at the wall in a void like state. You ignored Lisa’s knocking on your door, her calls, and worried voice. She knew what day this was, and she knew that it was going to be a difficult and long day. She was worried that you were going to relapse, worried that you will drift off into that dark place that took her months to get you out of.

That is why at 9:53 a.m. she was not that surprised to open the door to find a panicking Jeon Jungkook.

“Where is Y/N? Why is she not answering my calls?” He asked quickly, only to pause once he could sense that you were close. “What’s wrong with Y/N?”

The vampire sighed, “Jungkook, I hate that I have to say this, but Y/N may not want to see you right now. Today is a very bad day for her.”

“Please let me in.” Jungkook begged, distressed that he cannot comfort you. With that, the statement that Lisa said made Jungkook and his wolf even more distressed, if that was even possible. “I just need to be with her, help her. I won’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t.”

Running her hand down her face, Lisa sighed and allowed the wolf in after a few minutes of thinking. “Second door on the right, the door is unlocked.”

As if he was a dog chasing after a ball, Jungkook charged towards your door. Being cautious, he opened the door quietly, being met with the smell of regret, longing, and sadness. His wolf whimpered at the sight of their mate in such a depressed state. Walking in quietly, Jungkook took off his shoes and did the one thing that he knows that will work.

 Lifting the covers, he caught your attention, “Jung—”

“-Hey,” he smiled at you, not believing that he was in front of a goddess. No matter what state you are in, you will always look beautiful in his eyes.

“Why are you here and not asleep? You usually wake up at 2 in the afternoon on the weekends?”

“I could sense something is wrong.”

“I-I’m okay,” you tried to lie, but the glassy look in your eyes was forming tears. Lip wobbling, “I’m not okay,” and that was when you felt yourself break down and seek out the comfort that only your imprint could give you. Throwing yourself into his hold, you gave up on trying to keep that barrier that you have created when it comes to physical contact with the wolf.

Jungkook had a million questions that he wanted to ask you, to find out who or what has hurt you. His wolf wanted to seek out the person who has hurt his mate, to kill or torture that person that dared to mess with his mate. Jungkook felt the primal need to do so, just to make you happy. But he wanted you to be okay first, to smile again, to be happy and yourself.

For the next hour, you relished in the comfort that only Jungkook could give you. With him holding you felt like a part of you felt better, but the knowledge that your mom is still gone and that she will not be back still haunts you. Jungkook could sense that, he could sense your distress and his wolf whimpered inside of him. Running his hands through your hair (something he has been wanting to do for three months now), he could tell that it is something that helps you calm down.

“My mother passed away two years ago today,” you began. Jungkook’s hold on you tightened, encouraging you to go on. “I should’ve taken her with me instead of leaving her there by myself. I should’ve dragged her with me instead of leaving her there at that stupid mall so she could get those dumb pair of shoes that she was waiting for. I tried to convince her to wait and get them later on, but she was adamant on getting them.” You gritted out, becoming angry at yourself. “And then there was a robbery during the sale, and she was…” and you clung onto him as if he was your lifeline, nose nuzzled into his neck, finding comfort in his natural, woodsy scent.

“It’s not your fault, Y/N. You did not know, it is not your fault that your mom died, and she knows that. Blaming yourself for something that was way out of control is going to continue to make you miserable and eventually will kill you.” Jungkook said after a while. “Please stop beating yourself up over this is leading you down that road.”

You did not say anything, but when you squeezed Jungkook tightly for a minute and then released, he knew that was you acknowledging what you said. For the rest of the day the two of you spent the day in your bed, holding onto one another, talking about anything and everything. Eventually the both of you fell asleep without noticing it. Waking up the next morning entangled with one another, it felt normal. It was as if this was normal.

You realized that Jungkook is permanent and that he is not leaving you, that he is not making this all for show. So, that is why you began to stop stressing and worrying. You allowed yourself to fall, and you fell.

Ever since that day, you and Jungkook became what you call closer. You began to become physically affectionate with him and accept his affectionate ways. Jungkook obviously did sit next to you, or at least be six feet away from you in the beginning because him and his wolf needed that sense of relaxation to know that you were nearby. Now, though, Jungkook and you are touching one another in some sort of way now, whether that be your arms touching, knees touching, or him standing very close to you. You did not mind this one bit, the feeling of his body warmth had you feeling safe.

In class, now, Jungkook sits beside you, kicking the class nerd, AJ, out of his spot. His actions resulted in the silent treatment from how rude he was to the scrawny kid. During class Jungkook would whine and basically paw at your arm, wanting you to forgive him. After class, he went up to AJ and apologized, well, tried too, which earned Jungkook a please smile from you. 

The boy loves your praises and attention. But sometimes, he could not handle it when you and Lisa talk about guys right in front of him. 

You were out with Lisa, Jungkook, and Jungkook’s pack, having dinner at the new restaurant in town. All of you were seated around the large, round table, you being sat in between Jungkook and Lisa. Jungkook had scooted his chair to where it made your chair and his almost like a two-seater, arm around your shoulder as he had you leaned into him. You, obviously, did not mind this, finding yourself relaxed into his body. The two of you were looking at the menu together, trying to figure out what you both would want.

“I think I’ll just stick with a salad as an appetizer and have chicken alfredo as my dinner,” you concluded, looking at Jungkook.

“That sounds good baby,” Jungkook agreed with what you wanted. “I’ll take Spicy Kimchi Stew,” Jungkook concluded after a few minutes later, finalizing what he wanted right before the waiter came to the table.

Lisa kicked your leg, catching your attention. Raising her eyebrows suggestively at you when you realized that she found the waiter cute. Giggling, you nodded in confirmation, not denying the waiter was cute. But they would never beat Jungkook in attractiveness in your opinion.

Not knowing that Jungkook watched the interaction between you and Lisa, a low predatory growl rumbled in Jungkook’s chest. Tightening his arms around you, he sat up straighter in his chair and glared daggers into the waiter, nerving the poor boy.

“Jungkook.” You scolded at his rudeness when he told the boy what you two would like.

Losing his composure, Jungkook frowned down at you, “What?” He asked, trying to play innocent.

“Don’t be rude,” you said, giving Jungkook a look.

Jungkook pouted, “I’m sorry,” he apologized, wanting to get back on your good side. He hates being scolded by you.

“It’s okay, Kookie. Just go easy on the poor lad, he did no harm.”

“But you thought he was cute,” Jungkook grumbled, taking a sip of his water, jealousy evident in his tone and body language. 

Catching on to what he was saying, you giggled, finding his jealousy cute. Finding some confidence, “He has nothing on you.” A huge blush covered your face after you said that, “you have nothing to worry about.”

Jungkook was silent for a moment, body going stiff. You were nervous that you messed up, but those thoughts disappeared once you felt a pair of lips pressing to the side of your head and his arms pulling you closer (if possible) to his side, body trying to cover you with his. For the rest of the night, it felt as if you and Jungkook were on a new level. Jungkook was extra clingy and you were wanting Jungkook’s attention. You assume that your words had hit the both of you in a deeper meaning, a silent way of saying that you both belong to one another. 

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[daddy-chiluc]

I’ll be here to chase away your Nightmares (Chiluc)

• Fluff with hints of Angst

TW: Mentions of drinking/getting drunk, Nightmares, mentions of character death, wounds/injuries (i.e. bruises and scratches), intentionally hurting the other, panic attack, unaddressed insomnia, unaddressed depression.

• Summary: Childe wakes up in Angel’s Share after a nightmare with only Diluc there to aid him. Of course, the fiery man had done more for him than he would’ve expected.

Diluc’s p.o.v.

———————————————————————

Whether it was the odd sense of nostalgia I felt when I looked at him or the burning hatred I couldn’t tell you...but somehow, for some reason, the Harbinger that was fast asleep in my tavern brought an overwhelming sense of ease and comfort to my night.

It was obvious he was tired. He downed several shots if Firewater before passing out on top of the wooden counter. He’d arrived in his usual uniform, the mask and coat more than likely discarded on a box under the stairway. Just looking at him now I could see just how tense he was, wounds and bruises littered his body here and there, a few peaking out as he breathed.

He groaned, his eyebrows furrowing together as he stirred in his sleep. He must’ve been dreaming...it doesn’t seem to be a pleasant one either. From my spot behind the counter I can see beads of sweat line his forehead. A nightmare. I’ve had my fair share of those to know when it’s bad...but to jolt up, screaming and completely sober after downing more than six shots of Firewater? No, there was something wrong. He panics, his eyes darting around and blurry as he hyperventilates.

I quickly set down the wine glass I had been cleaning and rushed to his side, gently placing a hand on his back as I pulled him to my chest. Even for someone I’d consider my enemy, simply witnessing what he was going through was enough to make my stomach churn with uneasiness.

“Childe, breathe.” I say loud enough for him to hear as I gently card my fingers through his ginger locks. Perhaps my actions were far from normal — especially since they had been toward Childe. But, seeing him so...so scared, only triggered one reaction from me. Maybe, just maybe, it had been the right reaction because I felt him grip onto my white vest as he cried into my chest, the sobs making my heart ache. To see him so broken like this was almost uncomfortable. I didn’t know how to help, I knew my actions were out of character but it feels like the right thing to do now.

He gasped in my arms, trying to catch his breath as I felt his body tremor in my arms. A panic attack? I’m not entirely sure but I think that’s what this is. I’m not experienced enough to handle this...shit. With a sudden idea coming to mind, I sigh, thankful that the tavern’s been closed up. Gently, I ease him onto the floor with me, sitting him beside me as I brought his head to my chest. I slowed my breathing as I spoke softly.

“Breathe with me, alright Tartaglia? In...and out...,” I continue the words as I take deep, slow breaths in and out. I slip off one of my gloves, letting my bare hand gently rub his head, his fluffy orange strands shifting around my fingers. The grasp he has around my waist slowly starts to loosen as his once irregular breathing slows down. He lifts himself from my chest and rubs at his eyes with his thumb.

“Shit...” he hisses at himself as he rests his head against the wall of the counter with a slight thud. His expression screams with exhaustion, the circles under his eyes are far more prominent than I remember...that or I just never cared enough to notice. His facial features seem to relax in a sort of numbness as he hangs his head forward.

“Sorry about that...” he chuckles to himself, rubbing his eyes forcefully in the palms of his hands, “I’ll be taking my leave now, thank you for serving me Diluc.” He mutters as his body slumps farther forward.

“Where are you going?”

“I have a room here in Mondstadt, don’t worry I’ll be out of your hair before dawn.” He grunts as he stands, his usually tall build becoming so much smaller.

“You know you don’t need to apologize for that. It was obvious whatever nightmare you had was horrifying enough to wake you up like that.” I try to alleviate whatever self deprecating thought he was thinking. He turns to me and that’s when it clicks. That’s the look of a torn and broken man. That was more than a nightmare to him...it was real enough to send him into a panic attack upon waking up.

I stand up and walk briskly in his direction, grabbing our things and the keys to the tavern. He stares at me, confused as his eyebrows knit upward. I sigh as I nod my head towards the door.

“Come on, let’s go.” He seems to flinch at the words I said, looking baffled by my actions. I await for a teasing remark but nothing comes.

“Where are we going?” His voice is raspy from his crying, his broad shoulders dropping as he tries to relax.

“Back to the Winery, now hurry up before Mondstadt’s gates shut for the night.” I deadpan as he ushers over to my side. I blow out the candles and lock up Angel’s Share, Childe hot on my heels. The rest of the walk back to the Winery is silent, the moon beaming high in the night sky as our boots clicked against stones and eroded bricks that were buried in our pathway. When we arrive Adeline rushes to my side, grabbing our coats as I ask her to find suitable sleeping garments for Childe tonight.

I turn around and his eyes are dull with exhaustion. He tries to wave off the need for sleepwear as he trudges over to one of my couches. I’m quick to rush over to him and drag him away from the cushions.

“What are you doing?” He mumbles as he sways just a bit.

“You aren’t sleeping on the couch.” I grumble, deciding my excuse would be ‘I’d rather not have him dirty my couch with his muddy boots’. I’m sure he’d buy that wouldn’t he? Perhaps that’s an excuse for me more than it is for him. He groans, his head coming down on my shoulder as he grasps at the thin fabric of my black button up hidden behind my white vest.

“Why not ‘Luc?” He slurs, on the verge of falling asleep where he stood. I don’t respond, deciding to put my attention elsewhere, Adeline becoming the perfect escape. Once the clothes are in my hands, I help Childe up the stairs to my own room.

“Get changed.” I shove the clothes in his direction and it’s slow but he slips off his maroon shirt. I can hear him wince as he grounds himself against the end of the bed frame.

“I’m not sure if it’s okay for me to sleep tonight.” He mutters, as he looks at my floorboards.

“You need it. You’re exhausted.” His eyes slowly look up at me, his head following soon after as he gulps — his adam’s apple bobbing before he licks his chapped lips. A harsh laugh breaks his throat as he shakes his head.

“I’m really not worth your generosity Diluc,” he seems to be a little more awake this time. It’s as if he’s not allowing himself to sleep. Agitated, I myself grab clothes to sleep in, turning my back as I start to work on my tie and vest.

“I can leave...” he says sheepishly, his voice small, not as boisterous as what it should be. I turn to look at him over my shoulder and notice he’s looking straight down, trying to respect my privacy. Gods, who would’ve guessed I’d have a soft spot for a sleep deprived Childe? Slipping on the white button up, I turned back around and studied his form. Scars were across his chest and torso, some along his shoulders and a few peaking along his neck, possibly stretching down his back.

I blink, trying to not be a creep as I stride over to him and cupped his face. His eyes were wide, awake, vibrant as they looked up at me. No. No, don’t look at me like that. Don’t you dare look at me with such longing and admiration. I can feel him relax as his arms go slack between his legs. I can see his fingers twitch as tears well up in his eyes.

“F-fuck,” he stutters as he pulls his face away, tears rolling down his cheeks, “A-a warning...next time would be nice.” He stammers, as he grips at the bed sheets with one hand and wipes away his tears. He curses at himself for crying for the second time this night as his chest heaves. He seems frustrated with himself? To be honest, it’s rather endearing to see his façade finally break away.

“Tartaglia?” He seems to choke on air as he stands up abruptly, his tall build looming over me. He goes to grab his maroon shirt from the floor but I’m quick to summon my claymore to pin the shirt down to the floor boards. He laughs, empty and cold as he stands straight up again.

“I liked that shirt.”

“Adeline can fix it in the morning, now finish getting dressed and get your ass in bed.” My stern tone makes him look at me, not out of disbelief but something softer. Calmer. More at ease. Sighing in defeat, he complies slipping the shirt on before I turn away so he can slide on the pants I had given him. While he crawls in bed, his back facing me, I slip on my black, legging pants, the top reaching to the middle of my stomach allowing me to tuck in the white shirt. He roles over, his hair pooling against the pillow as he watches me undo my hair from its tie.

There’s that look again. The look of adoration. Of an untamed affection that he’s just barely keeping subdued. He goes to say something, his mouth gaping for a moment as I slide in next to him.

“Why did you bring me to your home? And to your bed?” He asks quietly, his voice mingling gently with the crickets just outside.

“You’re in no shape to sleep alone, emotionally, physically or mentally. Besides, I’d rather you pass-out in my sheets rather than in the middle of battle. If you die I can’t beat the shit out of you.” I hum, trying not to show too much concern but the smile he gives tells me he knows everything I’m trying to hide.

“Right.” He whispers as he turns on his back to stare up at the ceiling, an arm behind his head as he takes deep breath. Not another word is exchanged as I roll over, my back facing him as I myself try to sleep. I’m not sure whether it’s been minutes or hours but even in my drowsy state I can hear him shuffling.

“What’re you doing?” I mumble as I roll to face him.

“Can’t sleep.” Far too tired to care about my own actions, I open my arms for him and I can practically feel his hesitation.

“You’re sleepy, you don’t want to cuddle me.” He says more to himself than to me.

“Would you shut the fuck up and come here.” I grumble, far too irritated to argue with him as I pull him to my chest myself. I can feel him slump in my arms, his hefty build relaxing against mine as his arm wraps around my waist to pull me closer as his head hides away in the crook of my neck. He breathing slows as he starts to fall asleep.

“Can we keep what happened tonight between us? He asks sheepishly as he pulls away, wincing from his wounds once more. I nod, far too tired to do anything else I pull him back into my embrace. In my head I knew that what I was doing may have been wrong...but it felt like the right thing to do. It was obvious he was hurting. I feel him relax against me before he twitches awake — a cruel and seemingly endless cycle the Harbinger goes through.

“What’s wrong Tartaglia?” I question with closed eyes, as I cradled the back of his head in the palm of my hand. He’s silent for a moment before he speaks.

“Just...anxious.”

“To sleep?” He nods, not daring to answer for a moment. I open my eyes this time and look down at him. He seems far more disappointed with himself than he was at the tavern.

“What’s wrong?” I ask as I trace his cheekbone with my thumb.

“Just feel pathetic.” He mutters not pulling away from my warmth for even a second.

“Why?”

“...”

“Why Tartaglia?” I push on pulling my head away from his to study his bloodshot eyes.

“I’m not supposed to cry...I also don’t want to be a bother.” The nightmare must’ve fucked him up horribly for him to even share something this personal with me. The dead look in his eyes returns as he doesn’t even bother to make eye contact... Just minutes ago there was that excited, elated glow. How could it have left so quickly? Without another word I roll enough to push the clear curtains back and crack open the window the bed was pushed up against.

As a soothing breeze hurries in, I gently pull his head from my chest to look at his eyes. He’s wide awake again...he’s not letting himself sleep. I run my fingers through his hair and down his spine, his body curling towards me.

“‘M sorry...” he mutters, his hand clutching the bed sheets as tired tears prick his eyes.

“I’m not accepting your apology.” He’s stunned for a moment as his heavy body relaxes further into the linens, “You are not pathetic for crying and you are not a bother to me. I chose to help you sleep tonight because I couldn’t bare the guilt or thought if I left you alone after what I witnessed.”

“Besides...crying is what makes you human.” He seems to mutter something about Snezhnaya before he cups my cheek, that faint glow in his eyes returning. He seems hopeful. Relaxed. He pulls me closer to his body, curling around me as I feel his arms become heavy.

“Thank you Diluc...”

“You’re welcome.”

It’s silent again yet neither of us dared to close our eyes, far too worried about the other. Too worried about the possibilities the night could bring...and the anxiety of what our dreams would end up haunting us with. Which ever came first; it was a horrid race of the inevitable...or so I thought. Childe’s movements were kept to a minimum, almost as if he were scared to move. At this rate we’ll end up passed out by morning.

He winces for the umpteenth time as he moves away to lie on his stomach. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt if I helped him with his wounds. They seem untreated and I’d rather have them disinfected before morning. I sit up cautiously, trying not to alert him as I search for a first aid box.

“Do you need me to leave?” He rasps as he turns to look at me.

“No, just stay there.” It’s quiet once more, his almost pained, labored breathing filling the room. Striding back to the large bed, I sit on the edge as I pat the space beside me. He shuffles over steadily, as he comes to a cross legged position by my side.

“I need you to take off your shirt.” The teasing remark I expected never came as he complied. The wounds and scratches are far more visible.

“I can just heal myself. It won’t be perfect but...I do have a hydro vision.”

“If they aren’t handled properly they’ll get infected.” The words are far more sincere than I would’ve liked, but they’re ignored as my fingers tread thoughtfully along his abdomen, my movements languid as I keep the pain to a minimum while he eyes me like a hawk. I cleanse his cuts and spread a thin ointment over his bruises, a sharp wince leaving his throat as he grips onto the bed sheets.

“I’m trying to be gentle...”

“I know, it’s fine...” instead of the suffocating, noiseless atmosphere that had filled the room minutes ago, there was a peace that has made the both of us relax just a little bit more.

“How long have you had these wounds?” I sigh out, almost frustrated with him for not going to see a healer as soon as he had these wounds.

“Since this morning I think? I had a mission in Liyue.”

“You didn’t care to stop to see a healer?”

“Didn’t have the time...but if avoiding a healer allows me to be healed by you I just might avoid healers from now own.”

“Don’t you fucking dare.” I seethe, digging my fingers into a bruise on his shoulder. He doesn’t wince or tell me to stop. He doesn’t react at all. Strange, I may have to poke around on that later. I deliberately wrap his body in bandages, taking my time so the bandages aren’t too tight or too loose. Tying a knot at his waist, I help him put his shirt back on as I help ease him back into the bedsheets.

When we crawl in, his eyes don’t leave me for a second. Whether he was studying me or not I couldn’t tell...but when his bare fingers traced the veins of my hands, it made me far more alert of his presence. The scars and callouses that covered his hands were a sudden contrast that eased me, making me relax next to the Harbinger.

“If you don’t mind me asking...what was your nightmare about?” I prodded hesitantly, watching as he takes in a heavy, shaky breath, a sharp flinch in his hand at the question. It must’ve been terrifying.

“If I tell you, you can’t ask any questions.” The statement comes slowly, hesitant to even answer my question.

“If you’re that uncomfortable to tell me then I won’t pressure you.” He rolls away, flat on his back as he stares up at the ceiling, almost lost in thought.

“It was a new nightmare...one I’ve never had before.” A new one?

“Just how often do you have these nightmares?” He’s silent. Dead silent. Possibly the quietest he’s ever been around me.

“They come often...but sometimes I can’t remember them by morning.”

“What time do you wake up after these nightmares?”

“Probably around the middle of the night. I don’t really get a lot of sleep because of them.”

“Is that why you come to my tavern so often? To get drunk enough for you to pass out? You said to me you came just to annoy me... You wanted to hide that you couldn’t sleep.” As the pieces of the puzzle connect perfectly to me, he turns his head, a sad smile gracing his features.

“So what was your nightmare about? You were practically drunk when you passed out.”

“You keep saying I was drunk. I wasn’t drunk. Just tipsy. It takes a lot of shots of Firewater to get me drunk Diluc,” he groaned, irritated.

“So you’re telling me, it takes you more than seven shots of Firewater to get drunk?”

“I’m from Snezhnaya Diluc, I can drink Firewater like it’s water.” He chuckles lightly as he rests a hand behind his head. Right, he’s from Snezhnaya.

“Either way, I still had to help calm you down... I won’t judge you over the nightmare you had.” He starts to talk slow and steady, not trusting his own voice, eyes still focused on the ceiling.

“I had...a uh....I had a nightmare that...that you were in trouble. I tried to save you and...and you were dead in my arms. I know because I tried to listen to your heartbeat.” He took in a deep shaky breath as he turned his head to look at me, pale crystalline blue eyes glossed over as they met my scorching ruby ones. I have so many questions. What happened? Did he see me get hurt? Was I already dead or did I die in his arms? Why was I in his nightmare anyway? Did finding me dead send him into that much of a panic?

“So did hearing my heartbeat help? When you woke up?” He let out a breathy laugh, more relaxed at my question as he fiddled with his fingers.

“You have no idea how much that helped.”

“Would you like to listen to it now? See if it helps you tonight?” He tenses, his head quickly turning to me with wide eyes. His expression screams ‘you’d let me do that?’ and for a brief moment I can feel my heart ache for the second time tonight.

“I...I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I mean you already hate me—,”

“I hate watching you struggle to fall asleep more, now would you like to or not? It’s getting late.” I mumble, tears filling my eyes as I yawn. I hear his breath catch in his throat as he rolls onto his side. He tears at the dry skin of his lips, thinking to himself.

“What if I wake you up? I can’t even sleep right now.”

“Damn it Childe.” I groan, unconcerned of his worry for my well being as I pull him onto my chest his head turned to listen to my heartbeat as it thundered quickly from the sudden movement.

“Go. The fuck. To sleep. If you wake up, I’m right here to help.” I yawn once more as I run my fingers through his hair again as I start to doze off myself.

“M’kay?” I question as I curl into his warmth, lightly draping my arms around him in a loose hug, far too tired to care that a Harbinger was in my sheets with me.

“Okay Diluc...” he whispers as he holds onto my waist tightly, grasping onto my shirt.

“‘Kay.” I finish, my eyes fluttering shut, “Goodnight Tartaglia.” His name is slurred together once they leave my lips.

“Sweet dreams Firefly.”

#ajax #childe #chiluc #diluc #ragnvindr #romance #diluc ragnvindr #gay #hydro and pyro #water and fire #angst #fluff #tw nightmares #tw alcohol #tw insomnia #tw injury #triggering stuff #red and blue #mentions of character death #panic attack #tw depression #genshin impact #genshin diluc #genshin childe #fanfic #genshin chiluc #angel’s share tavern #angel’s share #tavern #cuddles

[vintagedolan]

mixtape | track ten

| masterlist | faceclaims | playlist |

Indiana’s mental health class was in her first semester in the pre-med program. Abnormal Psychology, PSY 249, in a stuffy room in a building on the far side of campus. She’d hated it. College was supposed to be challenging, her program was supposed to be the most rigorous, and yet the class was a breeze. They went through condition after condition - depression, PTSD, anxiety, schizophrenia. The inner workings of the brain, the chemical imbalances, the medications that would help people come back to themselves. She passed the class with a 101%, stowed the knowledge in a seperate folder in her brain for safe keeping, and moved on at the end of the course. But she kept one piece of paper out, one piece of knowledge that didn’t make sense.

Voluntary Emotional Detachment. It was a relatively new idea in the world of psychology, seeing that many of its characteristics could fall under depression. That wasn’t what confused Indy. No, that came when her professor lectured on the voluntary portion. 

“Emotional Detachment is a useful tool sometimes, when it’s used purposefully. For example, if you have a toxic family member in your life, you may voluntarily emotionally detach yourself from them. It’s a defense mechanism, especially during times of trauma. You’ll find yourself numb, unable to feel even if you wanted to. It happens with loss sometimes as well, where you can’t feel the gravity of what you’re losing. Your mind knows what it can withstand, and sometimes, it pulls back. It shields you from the cruel world we live in. It protects.”

Indy had scoffed in her seat, so loud that her professor looked at her and frowned, which was enough to have her blushing red and keeping her head down as she scribbled notes for the rest of the class.

It was the one time she’d ever been reprimanded by an academic authority. Professor Upton pulled her aside before she could escape out of the lecture hall doors. 

“Ms. Cross. You seem like a bright girl, but I don’t appreciate the disrespect.”

“I’m very sorry professor, it won’t happen again.” Indiana had practically stumbled over the words to get them out, her palms sweaty on her backpack strap as she held it on her shoulder.

Indy had a million explanations, but she knew that her professor didn’t care to hear them. And they were lies anyway. The true reason she’d scoffed was something she didn’t want to share.

It was because her professor had made it seem so easy, to just turn it off. Emotionally pull the plug, to sever your ties to someone.

She’d scoffed because if her brain had the capability, and it hadn’t moved to protect her when her mother died, shielded her from the aftermath of unimaginable pain that she’d endured, she wasn’t so sure that she was at all intelligent after all. 

But she understood why now. 

It was because her mother dying had made sense.

Not in the grand scheme of things. Not in a karma driven universe - there was no justifying losing a light as bright as Nicole Cross in a world that had checks and balances, a world that cared. 

But physically, it had made sense. 

Nicole’s cancer started in her pancreas. Stage III when they found it. 13.3% survival rate. And it spread like wildfire. Indiana threw herself into her books, looked for anything, some medical breakthrough that someone had missed. She looked into drug trials, she looked into synthetic pancreas research. All the while, her mother’s cancer took over cell by cell, multiplied and multiplied the way cells are built to. And when it reached her brain, it took over her brainstem. 

When it got to that point, Indiana heard the four words that she would never forget.

“She’s done. We’re done.”

They had echoed out, bouncing off the bleached linoleum, making a cold room even colder. Her father’s voice had never sounded so unfamiliar, and she was glad that her mother was sedated when she broke down. There was no detachment, only raw, searing pain unlike anything she had ever experienced. She sunk to the floor, ragged sobs finally breaking free when she realized what she’d known was coming was finally happening.

The fight was over. It was time to let go. 

Charlie hadn’t cried. No, Charlie stood still as stone in the corner of the room, eyes unblinking as she stared at the shell of her mother in her hospital bed and willed it to be a dream, a nightmare that she would finally wake up from. 

And then, she remembered where she was. She remembered who she was. And she picked her little sister up off the floor and held her in her arms, like she always had when Indiana was hurting.

 Without the vital cues from that little piece of Nicole’s brain telling them to, her heart stopped beating and her lungs stopped asking for air, and she died. 

And it made sense.

This didn’t make sense. His words made no sense.

There was no one to hold Indiana Cross now, and she had a new set of four words that would haunt her.

“I can’t do this.”

------------------------------------------------------------------

Six days. Grayson’s thoughts ate him alive for six whole days. He lived through the odd limbo that the world seemed to find itself in on the days between Christmas and New Years. A pause in the spin on the axis, a time to reflect on everything the year had brought, and what the next one had to offer.

Even in his daze, Grayson could only remember one other December he’d tried to hold onto so hard. 

His father’s face was at the forefront of his mind, but not the images that he wanted to see. All he saw was a look of disappointment in his eyes with each hour that Grayson’s lips stayed pressed together while Indiana rested, oblivious in his arms. He towed the selfish line of wanting to enjoy the last days he had with her while his guilt threatened to drown him with every breath he dared to take. He hid it well, as he always did when he really needed to. They had their date nights, with movies and postmates since he still didn’t want her out in public with him. They stayed in the tiny house again to enjoy nature, snuck into Jet’s a few times. He smiled when he was supposed to, went through the motions that were expected of him. It had worked for him before, for videos, for time with friends when all he wanted to do was sit in his room and speak to no one. The only person he could never fool was Ethan, who kept his distance, but stayed close enough to keep his eyes on him. He thought he had everyone but his twin fooled.

But Indiana noticed. Indiana always noticed. 

Nicole had called it the curse of intelligence when she was younger. 

“Sometimes,” she’d said. “When you know too much about how the world works, how people work, you see things you aren’t supposed to. You understand things you aren’t supposed to.”

Indiana was 12 at the time, sitting on the other side of the kitchen table. 

“What do you mean mom? How can you know too much?”

“You’ll know one day. You’ll see.”

The way she’d said it made Indy sit her fork down, her stomach suddenly tight. 

And now she’d seen.

On New Years Eve, Indiana Cross leaned in to kiss her boyfriend as the clock struck midnight, on her couch in her apartment, with her picture frames on the shelf over their heads and the sound of fireworks outside her window.

Grayson didn’t lean in. 

He leaned back, and he spoke.

“I can’t do this.” 

Indiana took a breath. In. Out. Filled her lungs and emptied them again.

She’d noticed. But she hadn’t let herself believe it. She’d pushed every little nuance she’d seen, every time that Grayson’s eyes didn’t catch the smile he tried to put on his face the last few days- she’d pushed it to the back of her mind and justified it. He was just worried about leaving, he was just stressed about Bekah like she was, he was just tired. She’d seen every sign and she’d justified it. 

She swallowed air, her throat painfully dry.

“What?”

“I can’t do this, I’m sorry.”

Indiana did what she always did, what she’d always done her entire life when anything didn’t make sense, when anything went slightly off track. 

She tried to understand why. 

She racked her brain for everything that she’d done, every syllable she’d spoken, and every movement she’d made since that first day at Frazier outside, with him in his green pants on the bench, and her with two Jet’s coffee’s in her hands. 

Her fingers were cold as she pressed her hands together. There was a finality in his tone that had her chest tight, her ribs pressed together, muscles pushing on bones and squeezing everything until she felt like she was going to suffocate. She opened her mouth. 

“Oh.”

Grayson had his head in his hands, leaned over his knees on the couch. He shook in an unfamiliar way, like he was choking, and it took Indy a moment to realize that he was crying. 

She felt like she was in a dream, watching what was happening to her from the outside. It was like slow motion as she watched the girl on the couch curl in on herself, her walls reconstructing at ten times speed - he’d been so gentle with each brick that she didn’t even realize they’d been taken down. He spoke after a moment of heavy silence.

“I love you, but we can’t. I can’t do this to you.”

Her brain refused to process it, refused to even try to dissect it, and she spoke the only word she seemed to be able to find.

“Oh.”

“Indy I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry, I should have said something sooner, I wanted to, I’m an asshole for waiting this long.”

She swallowed and wrung her hands together.

“When is your flight?”

His tears streamed faster somehow as he blinked.

“Tomorrow afternoon. We have meetings on the 2nd.”

In. Out.

“What time?”

Grayson looked up. Indiana was sitting straight up, head up high. The only thing moving were her hands, which she kept squeezing together over and over. It scared him, to see his once bubbly girl so still while his tears continued to fall. He couldn’t read her. 

“I’m not sure, I’d have to check. Dee, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

She smiled her hospital smile, the one she used when she got bad news, and it was somehow worse than if she’d yelled at him.

“Indy.”

“It’s okay. C’mere, it’s okay.”

She opened up her arms for him, and she didn’t even seem to notice that they were shaking ever so slightly.

Grayson’s eyes were too blurry to see the quiver. He was fighting himself again, wagering whether sinking into her arms would only cause more damage in the long run. But he knew how it felt to be there, and he wagered that it would be worth whatever hellish guilt it was sure to bring later. So he leaned in, and just a single touch from her had him sobbing again. He pressed his face into her shoulder with so much force that she fell backwards a bit, and suddenly they were intertwined with him above her on the couch.

His pain was physical. She could feel it, in the way his body shook and paused when he tried to suck in a breath that his lungs desperately needed, the wet hot air soaking through her shirt with every exhale he choked out. His tears were warm, the salt already stiffening the fabric that soaked them up. Her hands found his back, and she lifted a finger to his skin before she paused. 

She didn’t know what to write anymore.

Instead, she moved her hand to his hair, scratching at his scalp, holding him steady. He was heavy against her and she closed her eyes, felt him there with her, took in the weight of him. 

“Shhhh. It’s okay.” We’re okay. “You’re okay.”

Her words only made Grayson cry harder when he realized what she was doing. He came back to himself for a moment when he realized that all the shaking wasn’t him. He could feel the way she held onto him and shook, so subtle that he could tell she was fighting it. His stomach churned at the thought of how bad her pain must be if it was causing a reaction in her body, and he moved to push himself up.

“Indy.”

She clung to him, panic breaking through the protective numbness that had taken hold so quickly. If it was the last time she was going to get to hold him, she’d hoped it would have lasted just a bit longer. 

But she took a deep breath and she let him go, forced her arms to release him.

It hurt worse to see his face again, see the pain in his puffy eyes. She reached back out for him, swiped her thumb across his cheek to catch a tear. Her fingers got distracted in the feeling of his scruff, and she scratched over it for a moment, indulging herself, willing herself to remember the way it felt on her fingertips.

“It’s okay.” It was a reflex to her, and she couldn’t stop herself from saying it.

“It’s not though. Indy, it’s not okay. I’m hurting you.”

She didn’t have a response to that. Her eyes fell to her lap, picking at her fingernails. 

“I’ll be okay.” It was a lie, but she would have said anything to bring some of the light back to his eyes. Her pain she could manage, but his was her breaking point.

“Please don’t do that. Please don’t pretend on this.” He brought in a shaky breath, blowing it out quickly.  

In. Out.

“What do you want me to do?” 

“I want you to scream. I want you to be pissed at me, I want you to be mad that I waited this long to tell you! You haven’t even asked why,” he cried. Indy wondered for a moment why it always hurt more to see boys cry. It seemed to be more painful for them somehow - heavier. 

“I think I know why.” 

He sat up a bit more at her words. Waiting.

“It was a chance thing, you being here. Us meeting. Your life is entirely different than mine, and you have your people in LA. There’s… I mean there’s plenty of girls there who don’t have the stuff I have. Class, work -” Her voice cracked at the end, Grayson’s outline blurring just a bit as she looked up.

“No. No no no, hey,” he stopped her, hands hovering over her for a moment before he gave in and rested them on her arms, holding her without fully pulling her in. “It’s not that. I promise you, it has nothing to do with anyone else. I want you, I don’t want anyone else. But I know you, and your dreams are here, and I’m not gonna take that away from you.”

Indiana’s confusion only grew. She’d only heard one thing he’d said.

“You want me?” Her voice sounded pitiful, even to own ears. 

“Of course I do.” He spoke it like it was the only possible truth, and a flicker of hope rose in her gut, fighting it’s way up. “Indy of course I do.” 

“Then… why?” 

“Remember when we went to LA?”

His words brought back a flood of memories. The two of them kissing in the ocean, the secret beach, sleeping in his bed with his green wall, piggyback rides around the house, the late night Cudi drives.

“Yeah.”

“You remember how much you hated it there? How bad you wanted to come back home? And what did I promise you?”

Indy couldn’t find her voice. Her brain was otherwise occupied, watching her memories being drug through dark ink, staining them. 

“I promised you I would never ask you to leave New York.” He finished it for her. “And I meant it. But I can’t stay here Indiana, no matter how bad I want to.”

“Your life is in LA.” She repeated her words from earlier, monotone and unattached. Her heart fought with her, begged her to tell him everything. Tell him that she was going to start working at Jets and start therapy so she could fly out to see him. Tell him that she was halfway through her UCLA application essay that she’d been working on on nights he fell asleep before her. Tell him that she’d drop everything and follow him anywhere. 

“You’re the most giving person I’ve ever met. You give so much to everyone but yourself. But I’m not letting you give up your life for anyone, especially not me.”

She wanted to be mad that he assumed that she would. But there was an understanding, a sadness in his eyes that reminded her that he knew her better than she had ever realized. 

“We could make it work.”

He looked like he wanted to believe her. 

“You deserve someone who is here for you.”

“You’re here for me.” Her mouth was starting to outrun her mind, a dangerous game that she usually couldn’t stop once it had begun.

“You deserve someone who is here to celebrate your accomplishments every day, not someone in a different time zone on the other side of the country.”

“We could make it work.” It was more of a plea that time, and she saw it register across his face, the pain it caused him. 

“Indy.” 

“People do long distance all the time, we could do it.”

“We aren’t long distance people,” he said, but Indy’s mind was already running.

“We could set up a facetime schedule, and you wouldn’t have to visit that much, I’ll be busy with school anyways. And if we hate it, then we can stop. We just have to try, we’re never gonna know unless we try it.” 

Grayson was silent for a minute, which was enough of an answer. He’d known this was coming. Ethan had warned him that it would happen, that Indiana would try to reason her way through it. He’d told his brother that he had to be confident in his choice or he’d get swayed off course.

Grayson wasn’t sure he’d even be confident in his choice to remove himself from the best person he’d ever known. But knowing that in the long run it would be better for her was the only thing that let him cling to the last bit of resolve he had. 

“Indy.”

Her lip quivered, and he felt his heart crack. 

“Please,” she said.

“C’mere. Just c’mere.”

It wasn’t a surrender, but an offering of comfort. Indy knew it would hurt her later, but she didn’t have the willpower to resist it. She crawled into his lap, and the last of the numbness that had started faded away. In his familiar arms, she lost her last semblance of control.

She crumpled into his shoulder, broken sobs shaking her frame as she clung to him, let him hold her as she wrapped herself around him, as if it would somehow make him stay. 

He rocked her as she sobbed, accidentally pressing a kiss to her shoulder before he realized what he was doing. It was torture in the rawest form, worse than he could have expected to be the cause of her pain. 

“I’m so sorry Indy, I’m so sorry,” he whispered to her over and over, hoping she believed him. She pressed her face against his neck to keep her eyes closed, pretending for a moment that everything was fine.

“I love you.” 

The tears returned to his eyes, and in a moment of weakness he turned and pressed a kiss to her hair, her temple. His lips had missed her. 

“I love you too Indiana Cross.”

She opened her mouth, then closed it again.

Her finger traced against his back. F-O-R-E-V-E-R. She wished she could erase it somehow when his breath caught in his throat again. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, and he shook his head.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” His voice was muffled by her skin, seeing that he was unwilling to lean back from her.

“I know this is hurting you too,” she said, and was met with the feeling of more of his tears on her shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“The only thing you did was make me love you too much. Don’t be sorry for that.”

The way her heart squeezed wasn’t natural, and though she knew the phenomenon wasn’t as everyone said, she was sure it skipped a beat in her chest. She squeezed him tighter to her, like she had so many times. She synced her breathing to his, laid her head on his shoulder, committed the sound of his heartbeat to memory. 

Their tears dried out over the next hour, the numbness of acceptance starting to blanket over them. Neither of them dared to move a muscle, Grayson especially. All he did was rub his hand over her back, up and down the same as he had been since she climbed into his lap. They both knew that moving would mean having to figure out what to do next. 

It could have been minutes, it could have been hours. Indy wasn’t sure, and she was scared to look at a clock, to see her fleeting time left with him wasting away.

“Did you pack your bag already?” Her voice was too loud even though it was barely above a whisper, pulling them back into the reality they wanted to avoid.

“Yeah. It’s at home.” 

Indy could see it in her head, his Jersey room, quiet and waiting for him with his orange duffle on the bed. But her stomach filled with a wave of nausea as she realized what it meant.

“So you have to go home.” 

Grayson’s hand paused on her back. She was holding her breath.

“I… I didn’t know if you would want me to stay.” It was the first time he could remember not knowing what to say to her. 

Her arms tightened around him, her breathing getting a little bit more ragged. He ran his hands over her back quickly, desperate to soothe her.

“Shh, shh hey, I’m staying. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Yet.” She whispered, and he squeezed his eyes shut as he flinched. “Sorry, that was harsh.”

“Not undeserved,” he said, turning and resting his cheek against her shoulder. “I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have. So whatever you need, I’ll give it to you.”

Indy sat up. Her eyes had settled a bit, her tears washing the jellyfish blue into a shade of navy that Grayson didn’t recognize. It made his breath catch in his chest. 

“Whatever I need?”

“Whatever you need.” 

She looked at him, and her head tilted to the side just slightly. A small smile tried to make its way to her face, but her lips quivered. 

“Could you kiss me?” 

He paused, watching her fight off her tears with a deep breath. 

“Is that what you need?” 

“Just… just one. I didn’t know, you know. That the last one was gonna be the last one. And we’re here, and I just thought, that maybe - ” 

He kissed her. For the first time, he was hesitant. He kept his hands to his sides, not wanting to push anything too far, not wanting to make anything worse somehow. Indy barely reacted either, too nervous to do something wrong. 

They pulled back from each other, breathing shallow, nerves taking over as they tried to figure out what to do. 

“Thank you,” Indiana said. 

Grayson swallowed hard, watched her eyes as they flickered between his own. 

And then they were kissing. Really kissing, chasing the taste of each other like air at the end of a sprint. His hands went to her face, holding her to him as her hands went to his torso, bunched up his shirt and tried to pull him into her, closer somehow despite the fact that they were already touching everywhere that they could be. The desperation was palpable, in the way their hands roamed and fell back into their familiar patterns. Indy sucked in the first real breath she’d taken in since the clock had struck midnight, breathed him in as best she could, trying to lose herself in him like she always had. But her mind wouldn’t shut off, reminding her that it could really be the last time she had him like this. 

He felt her tears, first on his thumb that was holding her cheek, and then against his own skin. It took all his willpower to pull back from her lips. She let him, her breathing shaky as she tucked her face back down into his neck.

He picked her up effortlessly, standing up from the couch and moving them to her room. The Cudi vinyls seemed to mock him, especially when he laid down and stared up at them on their small shelves. Indy didn’t move an inch, staying wrapped around him, laying on top of him when he rested back against the pillows. 

Time moved quickly, and Indy still avoided the clocks, scared to see what had already passed. 

Grayson wanted to hear her voice. Wanted her to talk to him, wanted to commit every single thing she said to memory, but he wouldn’t ask. She had given him enough. 

He closed his eyes, focused on the feeling of her fingers over his shirt, tried to make out what shapes she was drawing like he always did. He felt her hands travel up higher, up his neck to his skin, scratching over his beard.

Her fingertips were gentle as they moved up, over his lips, around his cheek to his eyelids, down over his nose, then to the other side of his face. She traced the pattern a few times, and Grayson waited until she was on his nose to speak.

“What’re you drawing?”

“You,” she said. “Memorizing.”

He didn’t know how he still had more tears to make, but they started to fall anyways, down the side of his face over his temples. 

“I’m sorry,” was all he could say.

“I know. I wish you could stay just a little bit longer.” 

“Me too.”

He traced a heart on the back of her arm.

“I love you too.”

The truth of it was, she didn’t know how to not love him, and that was the scary part of it all. She couldn’t imagine a world where she didn’t love him with everything she had in her. 

She didn’t know who she was without it anymore.

“If you ever change your mind, I’ll be here you know,” she said. He took in a deep breath, pressing a kiss to her hair. 

“I’m not gonna do that.”

Her heart sank.

“That’s not fair,” he said. “I can’t ask you to do that, to wait for me. I’m not going to string you along, that’s cruel. Once I’m back in LA, I want you to move on.”

Indy shook her head against him, burying her face in his chest. 

“No.”

“Indy.”

“No.” Her brain refused to process it, to imagine a single scenario where she felt anything good without Grayson by her side. She knew it wasn’t healthy, and she vowed to never tell anyone but in that moment, she reserved herself to be miserable every minute that she wasn’t with him. 

“I know it’s not gonna be easy, but you deserve to be happy. And I’m sorry that I’m gonna make that harder, but you’ll find somebody who can love you better than I do.”

“Does that mean you’re going to just move on when you get back to LA? Just forget about me?” There was a spite in her voice that she didn’t like hearing in her own voice. But Grayson didn’t flinch. It was almost reliving to him. He was getting what he deserved, what he’d earned for breaking her heart. 

Her anger meant she cared.

“Indiana I’m never going to forget you. If you think I could, I was an even worse boyfriend than I thought.”

“No, don’t do that.” She pushed off his chest and sat up. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to make me think that the last three months were bad. That’s the last thing I have to hold onto. Those were the best months of my life, you don’t get to take that.” 

Grayson didn’t have an answer. 

“Okay.”

“You made this decision for the both of us, I don’t get a say in it. So I’ll hold onto it as long as I fucking want to. You don’t get to tell me I have to move on.”

“Okay.” 

“Okay then,” Indy said, reaching up to wipe a tear away. She sucked in a breath and pushed it out through shaky lips, trying to hold herself together.

“Sorry.”

Grayson shook his head. “Indiana you can be mad at me. You should be mad at me.”

“I am mad at you.” 

She knew it wasn’t in the way that he meant. Because she wasn’t mad that he’d broken up with her. Because deep down, under all the pain and all the love and all the worry, she knew he was doing it for her. He was doing what she would never have the guts to do, even if it was the right thing.

No, she was mad at him for infiltrating every single part of her. Every thought, every muscle, every cell of her body contained him. Every hope she had for her future was molded around him. He was there in everything. His curls were in the dreams she had about her future children. His smile in the back of her mind every time she closed her eyes. His eyes, bright and green, always there.

“Do you want me to leave?” There was no malice in his tone, only genuine concern. 

She pondered it for a moment. Thought about what it would look like, for him to actually walk out the door and never come back through it.

“No.” 

“Okay. Then I’ll stay.”

“I can drive you to the airport. So Ethan doesn’t have to come into the city.”

“Okay. I’ll tell him.”

“Okay.” 

They stared at each other for a moment, staying very still, waiting for one of them to make a decision. 

“We should probably sleep.” Grayson checked his watch. “It’s 4am.”

“Okay.”

Another pause. Another moment of uncertainty that they’d never had to navigate.

“Do you want me to take the couch?”

She shook her head, and with a sigh, she gave in. Grayson could finally breathe again when she settled against him, pushing her hand up under his shirt, running her fingers over his ribs. He wrapped her up in his arms tightly, focused on the feeling of the weight of her on him.

And he closed his eyes. 

His alarm went off at 9:45. As soon as it sounded, Indy turned her face into his chest, a new wave of tears coming forward as the realization hit her

It was time to let go.

He just held her and kissed her head for as long as he could. She didn’t know if she’d slept. If she had, it was only for a few moments. She’d kept waking up, reminding herself that he was still there. 

They barely spoke. No one ate breakfast. He hadn’t brought a change of clothes, and parts of his shirt were stiff from the saltwater of both their tears. It took all the strength he had to keep it together when he closed the apartment door behind him for the last time. 

She took his hand in the elevator, and his tears fell, making his cheeks even colder when they walked outside. It felt odd, for him to climb into the passenger seat with her in the driver’s as they continued down the road. His mind was flooded with memories, with doubts. He couldn’t stop picturing the smile that would spread across her face if he told her that he’d changed his mind, that they could try. 

He fought it, kept his mouth shut, reminded himself that this was his decision and he had to deal with the repercussion of it. 

Indy was quiet too, evidence of her earlier decision to not hurt him anymore than she already had. She didn’t want to make it any harder on either of them. No matter what, she still loved him, and she didn’t like to see him hurting. She kept herself superficially distracted, focused on the colors of the cars that passed, and the number of the exits on the highway. 

The airport had never come quicker.

Grayson’s chest tightened when they pulled off. He couldn’t ignore it anymore, couldn’t push it down and stay strong like his dad had always told him to. An image of him hugging her goodbye over her console came to his mind, and he panicked.

“Would you want to come in? Like park and come in? I know you hate airports, and you can say no. But… I’d like to give you one last good hug before I go.” 

She merged into the lane that led to the parking as her tears began to fall. He ran his thumb over her hand until they got out. They found each other again behind the car, Indy linking her arm around his and holding on as tight as she could as they walked. She was ten times more anxious than the last time she had walked into an airport, her usual pertifying fear of Grayson being on a plane the least painful part. 

It was hard to keep her sobs quiet but she bit them back as best she could. Grayson heard them, shifted so he had his arms wrapped around her as they walked. Her eyes were blurry with tears but she noticed the bright yellow and orange bags before she spotted Ethan. He gave her a sad smile that she did her best to return. From the look of pity in his eyes, it was even worse than she thought. 

Her vision was obscured by Grayson, who moved in front of her. She clung to the front of his jacket with both hands, unable to look him in the eyes. She didn’t know if she could handle it. 

“I don’t want you to go,” she whispered, tears so full that they dripped off her chin and onto her shirt. 

“I’m so sorry.” His own eyes burned as he watched her. But her next words caused the worst pain he’d felt in a long time.

“Can we have a redo?” As her voice shook, his last barrier fell, and he was sobbing - the kind you try to choke back and keep quiet as he crushed her against him, burying his face in her hair.

“Not this time baby. Not this time.” 

They weren’t sure how they could cry harder, but they did. He swayed as he held her, tight and warm. Ethan wiped his own tears away with his jacket sleeve as he checked the boarding time on the tickets. 

“I love you. So much,” she said. 

“I love you too. I’m so sorry. If you ever need me... “ he trailed off, unsure if his offer would only hurt them both more down the road. She understood what he meant, and she took a deep breath. In. Out. 

“Right now, I need you to turn around, and I need you to walk away, or I’m never going to be able to let you go.” 

“Okay.” 

He didn’t move. She finally looked up at him and held herself together, determined to look at his face in person for the last time without the distortion of tears. 

“Take care of yourself, okay? Be safe. Be happy. I’m always gonna love you.” Her voice was as steady as she could make it, and that somehow hurt him worse. 

“Forever,” he whispered, and then he was kissing her. He wrapped her up in his arms as tightly as he could, held her to him until he forced himself away, only keeping a hold of her hand. 

Ethan, always in tune with his brother, seemed to recognize his cue. 

Indy nodded and squeezed his hand one more time, and then she let him go, their fingers tracing over one anothers until they fell away, the distance too much.

A numbness spread over her body as soon as he let her go, and she watched from her spot as he disappeared down the hallway and into the security line.

She didn’t remember getting back to her car. But somehow, she managed to crawl inside and lock the doors before she crumpled forward onto her steering wheel.

#mixtape #this one is a doozy #love you guys #can't believe it's already track ten #wild wild wild #grayson dolan #grayson dolan fanfiction

[kaori-flowers]

Nikki and Ranboo my all time favorite siblings :)

Also I wrote some shit. It might be sad idk. Idk what people find sad and not sad. Sorry!!

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Nikki stood silently next to the others, and she kept her posture straight as she could. Her back was aching and her chest was hurting from the words that were being said. She held her composer, and kept her face dry but she was really hurting. Both physically and emotionally. Nikki glanced at the L'manburg tree and then the rest of the group. Her heart tightened more as the memories of this place resurfaced.  She looked down and away quickly, taking a slow deep breath.

"Nikki have you got something to say?"

Quackity had noticed her odd movements and the uncomfortable stiffness she had while standing straight. A few others looked at Nikki quickly, the mention of her name raised questions. To them Nikki was silent. Obedient. She did what she was told, sometimes speaking her opinion about it but still doing it. No one ever really second looked Nikki, just seeing her as a friendly person. That does what she's told..... all the time.....

"Um..."

Nikki was sick of it. She was not a shadow of Wilbur. She was not a shadow of anyone actually. She never will be, but that's what people see her as. It was wearing her down, and upsetting her more and more lately. Everything that was going on was so stressful and it put everyone on edge. So almost every little thing bothered Nikki now a days, especially since she was already extremely irritated. She just wanted to go home to her foxes and flowers, and relax away from all this pain. This war. The suffering. She didn't want to be a part of this anymore. So she decided that she wouldn't. She's her own person who is in control of her own life, and she's about retake control of it like she should.

"A-actually.... I do!"

Nikki moved quick, picking up the lava bucket with her bare hands. Before anyone could piece together what was happening, Nikki threw the bucket. It landed on a thick branch and dumped all down the side of the tree. The lava almost instantly burned the bark and flames errupted quickly, engulfing the tree. Nikki quickly kneeled and put her hands in snow as tears slid down her face. The lava bucket was insanely hot and definitely didn't let Nikki catch a break.

"Nikki!!"

"What the hell?!"

"What the fuck Nikki?????"

"Get water quickly!"

It was too late though because the lava was burning holes into the tree, and seeping inside it. Flames were raging inside the tree as the lava soaked into it slowly. The water seemed to just make the fire rage harder in anger at the attempt to stop it. Nikki looked up quickly as Tubbo walked towards her in an attempted strut. Nikki stood up and kept her hands held out in front of her gently. Tubbo stopped quickly and restrained himself from hitting her.

"Why. Did you. Do. That?! Are you a traitor just like Ranboo?!?!"

Nikki scoffed, rolling her eyes at Tubbo's question. She then gently flicked her head so the hair in her face would disappear. Tubbo crossed his arms and Nikki would have done the same if she could. But her hands are burnt. The others slowly encroached onto both of them, trying to figure out what was going on.

"Ranboo isn't even a traitor! He's just confused and new here! He doesn't understand that he can't live in peace and harmony with everyone. Im starting to agree with him though!"

"Nikki-"

"Shut up! You all need to shut up and listen! Okay?!"

Nikki never had such an outburst before, and it made everyone uncomfortable and surprised. Nikki was usually very silent and obedient to everything that was said or that went on. Suddenly now she decides to jump out of her shell and stand up for herself. She want's to be in control of her life from now on, rather than letting others control her. She is tired of being walked on and looked past.

"NONE of you care about me! None of yo-"

"We do!"

"No you don't! No one asks how I am. Or if I'm okay. No one even gives me a second glance, because I do what you all say! I'm letting you all run most of my life and it's horrible! I hate it! I hate this life that you all gave me!!"

Nikki's voice shook as anger and upsetness rushed through her heart, making her chest tighten. Everyone slowly looked around at each other awkwardly, feeling uncomfortable. No one here had ever seen Nikki so emotionally and defensive before. So it was extremely uncomfortable for them, and they had no clue what to do or really say. They were all used to her being obedient and doing what was asked with very little complaints. Out of everyone Nikki was the one that talked back the least. Until now of course...

"NONE of you are even my FRIENDS!! You only talk to me when you fucking need something. No one ever visits me. No one ever has a normal conversation with me."

"Nikki, I'm sorry i-"

"It's always about asking me to do something for you. Or to join your stupid fucking side. WHY should I even JOIN ANY sides?! NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME. NONE OF YOU ARE MY FRIENDS!"

Nikki's voice didn't bother to hide its emotion, shaking as her heart seemed to tighten in pain. Tears gracefully slid down her cheeks as she yelled at the people before her. Everyone around her was unnaturally silent now, unsure of what to do. None of them had EVER seen Nikki this upset or even crying like this. Tears were streaming down her cheeks in an almost constant flow. Nikki was so upset and she couldn't stop her tears or her voice from shaking. Her throat felt like it had a hard lump in it as she tried to hold back a choked sob. Her hands tried clearing her cheeks of tears but it was no use, because they just kept flowing like a river. She let out a shaky sigh and closed her hands the best she could.

"I am going home. I am no longer a part of this place or any of you. Do not contact me. You didn't care to begin with so do not pretend to care now."

"Nikki wait!"

"Don't touch me! I am DONE with all of you! This is my life and I'm going to live it how I want. I don't want to be your little.... little... SLAVE anymore. I hate all of you for not ever giving a shit about me!"

It was clear in her voice that her mind was made up, and the shock factor prevented anyone from trying to stop her. They all stood and stared in silence, watching her as if they had just seen a ghost. Which Nikki would now become a ghost, or at least a partial ghost. She wasn't gonna stay here anymore. So she was gonna end up as memory in the back of everyone's head. Just like what happened to all the others that left. They all ended up as a memory in the back of peoples head, occasionally popping up from time to time. Not something someone thinks about to begin with, but it manages to find it's way to the front of the mind.

"Are you okay?"

Ranboo wasn't good at whispering but Nikki was a little grateful he tried. He was late to the 'party' but caught the end of Nikki's speech. As her younger brother he worried greatly about her. Especially since her hands are severely burned, and tears were flowing down her cheeks like a river. She lightly smiled at him and nodded ever so slightly, linking arms with him gently. She lead him away from the people, and away from L'manburg. She was done with them. With that place. It was no longer a part of her and never would be ever again.

"Here, they can't see us."

Ranboo made her stop walking and pulled out his pocket first aid kit. She smiled lightly at the thought of her little brother carrying that around. Ranboo gently wrapped each of Nikki's hands with gauze after softly rubbing burn cream on them. Once both Nikki's hands were wrapped, she hugged Ranboo quickly and tightly. He stumbled for a second, surprised by the hug, but hugged her back right away. She closed her eyes and held onto him for a few minutes. Ranboo didn't mind and waited, as he would any other time. He figured she needed a hug and no matter how long it took he would hug her.

"So.... Does this mean I get to live with you now?"

Nikki's throat hurt immensely after she coughed out a few harsh laughs. Ranboo looked at her worried as she gently rubbed her throat. It wasn't too bad though, since she could still talk.

"Sure. We'll have to do some house renovations though."

She smiled softly, as she looked up at her tall brother. It took him a second to understand what she meant, but when he got it he smiled brightly. She hugged him again, this time a lot more gentler and less needy. Ranboo didn't hesitate to hug her back, resting his head ontop of hers. She sighed slowly and closed her eyes as she continued to hold him. Nikki was grateful she still had Ranboo. He seemed to the only one that actually ever cared about her feelings and well being. And even if he wasn't.... Well, now he truly was. He was all she had left now, except for her foxes of course.

"Come on, let's keep going. We have a long walk before we get home."

Ranboo gently nudged her back from the hug and gave her a light smile. She smiled back, nodding a little before linking arms with him again. They began walking the memorized path to Nikki's house quietly. Ranboo was constantly glancing over to make sure Nikki was still okay throughout the whole walk. He didn't exactly care about the house, more about Nikki. She was his only sister and probably always will be. She was so important to him and his mental health without her knowing.

"Thank you, Ranboo."

Her soft voice seemed to put his racing, panicked thoughts at ease. He smiled at her and nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Ranboo was a big softie when it came to his sister, and now it was all about her. He would do anything to protect her and if it meant making sure none of the people he thought were his friends come by.... Then so be it.

#mcyt fandom #mcyt #dream mcyt #dream smp #mcyt fanfiction #dream team #ranboo #ranboo mcyt #ranboo minecraft #nihaachu #nihacu #cc nikki #nihachu #nikki mcyt #kaori writes

[houseof-harry]

What Happens in Jersey Pt. 7 | G.D.

A/N - hi y’all! I hope everyone is safe and okay! I decided to post this part for the people who need a distraction from our world right now. So lmk what you think and enjoy!!! Read the last part here

Word Count - 5.8k

Warnings - none

Recap:

“How are you?”

You shrug, letting the warmth of the covers encompass your legs. “Won’t know until he talks to me.”

“You’re going to talk to him?” His eyebrows raise, genuine shock on his face. It’s clear he disapproves of your decision, but you decide to brush over it.

“Of course, he’s my best friend.”

“Your best friend who tried to mess up a relationship that’s important to you because he was selfish.” The bite is back in his tone from earlier today, and you’re not sure what to do.

“Gray, he can’t control how he feels. I told you, he’s one of the most important people in my life, of course I’m going to try and fix this.”

“You’ve got to me fucking kidding me.” He rolls his eyes and you huff, disappointed your night wasn’t over yet.

Something told you he’d be keeping you up for much less fun reasons than last night.

***

No matter what you said, Grayson refused to hear you out. And you were fucking pissed. Not only was he refusing to listen to you, he was acting like he had some type of claim to you, as if he could make you choose between him and Jessie.

“Grayson, stop. I’m tired and it’s late, please can I just sleep and we can talk about it in the morning?” You practically beg, your emotions draining you of the little energy you had left. You felt like you were on the verge of tears and you couldn’t handle him being as cold to you as Jessie had been.

“No! He’s just trying to get to you, Y/N. I don’t like the idea of him being with you at school when I’m not there.” The frustration was clear in his voice, his biceps bulging from crossing against his chest. His jaw was clenching as he gave you a hard look, his gaze refusing to let you go.

“You sound like a fucking animal or some shit, Gray! He would never hurt me or anything, I’ve been fine on my own this whole time and-“

“But you’re not alone now,” he cuts in, not letting you finish your sentence. You go to speak again but he beats you to it. “It’s us and strawberry now, not just you. He’s pulling some childish ass shit like this is high school but it’s not! There’s a baby involved, and he is acting like he can just fucking walk in and try and take you away.” By the end of his rant, his chest is rising up and down and his hands are in his hair, pulling at the tips to try and relieve some of the stress and anger in his body.

“Take me away from what? And I’m well aware there is a baby involved, I’m the one carrying it. I’m not a piece of meat or an incubator for you two to fight over. You’re being just as immature as him,” you argue, the annoyance in your body showing through your tinted cheeks. Your tension headache was back, resting behind your eyes and causing you to close them and pinch the bridge of your nose. You’d always experienced your emotions so physically, and it was a blessing and a curse all at once. Right now, though, it felt like just a curse.

“That’s not what I’m doing! I want what’s best for you, and to keep you happy and healthy.” You could tell he was getting tired too, the conviction in his voice weaker as his shoulders slumped.

“Seems like that’s all you and Jessie say, is that you want what’s best for me but no one has asked what I want! Not even once. Somehow you both think you know me better than me.” For the first time tonight, his face softens as he takes in your words. You decide you don’t want to hear it, though. So, you shuffle off the bed as he watches you.

“Y/N, wait. Where-“

“I’ll sleep on the fucking couch because it’s obvious that this was some fake ass fantasy or something. I should have known better than to think this would work,” you huff without looking back. You can hear his protests until you shut the door, but you continue to ignore him as you walk farther and farther from the laundry room, farther from Grayson. The living room is cold and dark, which makes you stub your toe on the side table. You hiss, grabbing the chair as you do your best to keep quiet. Of course you’d stub your toe after having possibly one of the worst days ever, you couldn’t catch a break.

You grab a blanket once you’re recovered, going to the couch to lay down. That’s when you realize you left your phone charging on the bed. You’d have to lay there doing nothing until you could fall asleep. If you could at all, with your racing thoughts and heart still beating quick in your chest.

It felt like you had lost two really important people in the span of hours. You knew Grayson would always be there, but not because he wanted to. He had to. But you also should have seen it coming. It’s rare life was kind to you, and this was no different. You almost start to get mad at yourself for getting your hopes up, your cheeks continuing to radiate heat. You’re sure if you looked in a mirror you’d see red splotches across them. It made you even more mad that you could never hide how you were feeling, you wish you could just be able to not let anyone read you so easily.

Before you know it, you feel a tear fall from your eye and down to the couch. You do your best to stay quiet as they continue to pour out of you, your new reality sinking in and the fear you felt the day you found out slowly coming back like a brick in your stomach. You prayed your baby never had to feel the way you do right now. You knew they wouldn’t, you’d be there. But it still sucks to know there are people who could hurt them.

***

You spend the early morning in the bathroom, your morning sickness worse than it had been in weeks. When you had woken up it felt like you hadn’t even slept. You had a pain in your neck from the hard pillows on the couch and your back hurt from how tense you still were. Getting sick wasn’t helping, either, but at least you knew how to deal with that.

You only perked up when you hear a knock on the door, your head rolling up from where it rested on your shoulder as your body slumped against the wall. You only managed to hum, words too much right now.

“Y/N?”

Grayson’s voice rings through the bathroom, echoing against the tile and porcelain surrounding you. You feel anxiety wash over you again, unable to comprehend having another conversation with him right now. So you merely hum again, confirming that it’s you in the bathroom without engaging with him.

“Are you okay?”

You’re unsure of how you should answer because physically you weren’t okay right now but you’d be fine. Mentally, you weren’t so positive abuot.

You sigh, doing your best to sit up all the way without the help of the wall. Grayson doesn’t like the silence that follows his question, his impatience shining through as he tries to jiggle the handle.

You roll your eyes, one hand gripping the edge of the toilet as you slowly get your feet underneath you to try and stand.

“Y/N, please let me in.”

“What if I’m shitting?” You snap, your voice weak and raspy from your lack of sleep and still raw from when you last got sick.

“I heard you throwing up, please let me help.” His words are quick to fall from his mouth, his stress more apparent to you now that you were less foggy in the head.

“Don’t need it.” You do your best to sound confident, but to your dismay your voice is weak and tired, a reflection of how you feel.

Grayson pauses, deciding what the best route was with you. You always seemed so resistant to help, and he didn’t want to push you but this is what he does. When he cares about people, he wants to make sure they’re okay if there’s anything he can do about it. Between your conversation – alright, fight – last night and how sick you were this morning, he was truly worried about you. He wasn’t always good with his words and let his jealousy take over last night.

“Remember literally two days ago when I said I’d be there with you for all of this? And you agreed? Please let me in.”

By this time, you’d managed to stand, your vision spotted for a second before you were able to orient yourself. You make your way to the door, and before you can even open it yourself he’s pushing it wide open, his eyes wide as they finally fall on your figure. He can see the way you seem smaller, weaker than normal and his chest hurts because of it.

He had come to learn quickly you were a strong willed, confident person. It took a lot to take you down, yet he had managed to do it in the two days you’d spent together. Guilt slowly worked its way from his heart to consume his whole body. He reaches out to you, trying to bring you into a hug. You put your hands on his chest to stop him, and he reluctantly respects your boundaries.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” A baffled laughed passes your chapped lips as you grab the door with one hand, leaning on the door frame so that you can have some type of support as you box him out of the room.

“I’m tired, I feel sick, I’m emotionally drained, and I need a shower. And stop giving me the fucking pity eyes.”

Grayson sighs, his gaze falling from you and finding the ground. He fidgets in front of you, unsure of what to do. He doesn’t pity you but he does want to help.

“I’m done, so if you-“

“Done?” He feels his stomach drop to his ass the moment the words leave your lips. Yeah, he’d been selfish and a bit douchey, but you knew he could be like that sometimes. He didn’t think you’d just end it, not that fast.

“Done puking, I just need some water.”

As soon as he hears your explanation, relief releases his tense muscles a bit.

He nods, resisting the urge to rub your cheek or squeeze your hip before backing up. “Do you want to come downstairs with me?”

Your mouth opens to respond, but no words come out. Honestly, you want nothing more to sit on the couch or in his bed, blankets surrounding you as you do your best to rest. But, you truly weren’t sure if you could get down the stairs. It was hard enough dragging your legs to the bathroom door, and downstairs was a lot farther than that.

Grayson raises his brow, still waiting for a response. He had taken a step away from you to start walking, but stopped when he noticed your lack of an answer to his question.

“I’ll, uh, I’ll just stay in here.” You nod, as if it would make sense to hang out in the bathroom even though you’d already told him you weren’t going to be sick again.

“What’s happening, please tell me,” Grayson begs softly, the concern coming back through his body as he watches you contemplate your words carefully.

“I just,” you shrug, your brain foggy once again as it has to work hard to talk to him, “I’m tired.”

“So then come lay down on the couch, I’ll bring you some water,” he reasons.

You shake your head, unable to look at him. Admitting weakness was hard enough, but after last night it felt impossible to do with him.

“Why not?” He does his best not to get frustrated, or sound it at least.

“Too tired,” you mumble, forcing the words out so you could end the conversation as soon as possible.

“Too tired to go downstairs?” You simply nod, grateful he finally got what you were saying.

Before you could comprehend what was happening, he’s walking back to you and reaching around to turn off the lights. He wraps an arm under yours, his hand finding your waist like it was meant to be there always. Your arm falls from the door to hold his shoulder as you give in, the idea of being on the couch too pleasant to pass up.

He guides you slowly and after every step you continue to lean on him more and more. He was warm and strong, the totally opposite of how you felt right now. It annoyed you he could still make you feel good even when he’d pissed you off, he shouldn’t hold that power over you already.

He gets you situated on the couch, watching you put the blanket over your lap. He looks about ready to speak, but decides against it and getting you a glass of water instead. When he comes back, you graciously accept it with a small smile, the cool condensation on the cup managing to make your head clear a bit.

Grayson stands awkwardly near you, fiddling with his fingers as he debates whether or not to sit with you. After a minute of watching you sip your water, he lets himself get comfortable on the couch, a good foot or two between you two.

You keep your gaze at the blank TV, letting the water soothe your throat. You’re sure your eyes were still puffy from crying last night, but you hope he thinks it’s related to being pregnant or something.

“So are we just not gonna talk about it?” His gruff voice comes from deep within his chest, like he didn’t want the words to come out.

“What’s there to say?” You can’t even bring yourself to look at him as you say it, knowing that no matter his reaction, you’d be disappointed.

“Y/N,” he sighs and you hear him shifting to turn to you. “I’m sorry.”

You nod, biting your lip and continuing to act like the rest of the room is so much more interesting than looking at him. Even if he means it, you’re not sure what to say. All you expected was to be treated with respect, and you feel like he didn’t do that. How would he treat your kid? You just didn’t know him well enough to trust he won’t, and it made you feel sick to your stomach.

Once Grayson realizes you’re not going to respond verbally, he reaches out to grab your forearm lightly. You pull away, taking another drink of water.

“Y/N, come on.”

You roll your eyes, your anger quickly building again.

“What, Grayson? You apologize once for making me feel like shit for caring about my friend because you’re jealous so now I have to forgive you and act like everything is good? We’ve barely known each other for a few months, not even two. How am I supposed to know this won’t be my life forever with you? And our baby? You don’t own me or get to control me just because I’m pregnant with your kid. So I don’t have anything to say right now, not until I know that’s not you.” You shake your head, disappointed you even have to be saying this to him at all.

As the silence drags on after your words slowly ring in both of your ears, you finally look at him. He looks smaller, less like the tan, buff, LA douche you were used to seeing. He was exhausted, his arms wrapped around his torso as if to hug himself as he let each of your words sink into him.

He didn’t know what to say to make you feel otherwise because he gets it. From your point of view, he looks like an asshole who only cares about keeping you to himself. And a teeny tiny part of him knew that was a little bit true. He didn’t like the idea of your being with anyone else. But he also knew you were right about the fact that you barely knew each other and that you truly didn’t know that that he was different. He was shit at understanding his emotions sometimes and even worse at expressing them.

“You’re right,” he sighs, deciding that admitting he was wrong would be a good start at least.

Your mouth opens to bite back, but you immediately close it when you hear his admission rather than a defense. “I sounded like a dick last night. I let my emotions get the best of me, which is something that happens a lot. I didn’t mean to make it sound like I wanted to control you, I don’t want to.”

You can slowly feel the tension in your chest unravel, your muscles relaxing a bit. You slump more into the couch, resting your head on the top to look at him sideways. You weren’t ready to go back to how you were, but it was nice to know he could at least admit when he was wrong. And he was definitely communicating more than the other guy who’d thrown a wrench in your friendship.

It had been total radio silence from Jessie since last night. You assumed it would stay like that for a bit, until he was ready to talk so you were going to give him space. You just hoped that would be before graduation.

“Well, good,” you huff, still doing your best to sound pissed even though you’re just tired now.

“Wanna have a nap?” He asks.

You purse your lips, unsure of what to say. Honestly, you’d love to sleep for another ten hours, but you weren’t sure you wanted to sleep with him again.

“The sheets are new, I can make you some food while you sleep,” he offers.

“I’ll sleep, but you don’t have to cook anything for me. Not into the idea of food right now.” He doubted that you meant it, knowing how much you hated his help, but by the look on your face you meant your words. You’d unintentionally let a look of disgust take over your features at the thought of eating anything.

He nods, standing and holding a hand out to you to help you stand. You take it reluctantly, standing and grabbing your water. He takes the almost empty cup from you after letting go of your hand. You can feel the empty presence all too fast again when he walks away, hating how you missed the feeling of him being near you.

Before you let it consume you, you walk to the laundry room and get comfy in his covers. If he was gonna let you be in here, you were gonna make the most of it. He walks back in with your water and places it on the bed side table.

“Thank you,” you mumble, looking up at him.

He smiles at you, his cheeks turning pink at the thoughts that immediately run through his mind. You looked absolutely adorable, his comforter up to your chin seeing as you had cocooned yourself in his blankets. You were cute and in his bed and it overwhelmed him.

“Don’t worry about it. Now please rest.”

And that’s what you did. You spent most of the day and night relaxing, hanging out with Ethan a bit in the afternoon but otherwise that was it. Some of the awkwardness had lifted from around you and Grayson, but there was still a lot of apprehension between the both of you. If you didn’t know where you stood before, you definitely had no clue now.

So when you had to leave for school the next morning it was bitter sweet. You were going to miss both the twins, but you were excited to get back to your apartment with people you loved and just an environment your felt comfortable in. It was much easier to act like everything was normal there.

***

You’d practice doing this since you were young. It was a response to anything that could hurt you. You run, avoid, ignore anything that can hurt you. You shut it out to protect yourself, the pain you’ve experienced already enough for at least ten people. It became a habit at that point. So when people had the potential to hurt you, you shut down completely. You’d avoid them, create distance, put up a wall to try and maintain some type of happiness.

And Grayson was no different.

Your last few months were busy at school, sure, but you couldn’t lie and say that was why you barely spoke to him. You shut him out, kept yourself protected from anything else he could do to hurt you.

It was hard at first. He’s irresistible, and not just in a physical way (although that didn’t help with all your hormones). He was charming and funny and just an enjoyable person to be around. But everything he’d said to you when you had been with him in the city and that night rang through your mind whenever you questioned what you were doing. You were merely doing what was best for yourself. Right?

So daily facetimes went to phone calls a few times a week, texts became about baby tips he found online, Pinterest recipes to help relieve your seemingly constant heartburn, and once in a while updates about his life. A small part of you was happy the hard thing had already happened. He could go back to his LA life and start acting how he would once your baby was born.

Right now you were more focused on your friendship with Jessie. It had taken him two weeks to talk to you, and it had felt like the longest two weeks of your life. But finally he came over and explained everything he had been feeling. He apologized for what happened in Jersey, and things almost went back to normal. You didn’t see him as much and things were still a bit awkward, but you were friends. And that’s all you could want right now.

When graduation rolled around, you were pretty happy again. You’d even been able to find a loose dress to hide your stomach that looked a little bit bigger than when you’d joke around with your friends about being pregnant after a big meal, pushing your stomach out and laughing together. Except you were really pregnant this time, and you weren’t forcing your tummy out at all. If anything, you did everything you could to hide it. That meant dresses everyday no matter what.

You’d had to tell your roommates, because you weren’t about to stop wearing comfy clothes when you were home. They were all beyond excited and made you happy to have a banana sized baby growing in you.

It only became strikingly obvious when you were celebrating graduation a week later at Jessie’s house with his family and friends, a gathering in the backyard as the warm May sun shone down on you all. You were grateful for the fact that another flowy dress would be appropriate for the party, but not having even one drink to celebrate something you’d worked so hard to accomplish? People were catching on, and fast.

Jessie’s mom was the first one to ask you something. You decided it was about time to start telling people, your 20-week mark only a couple of days away.

Before she could do more than congratulate you, an all too familiar voice called your name from behind you. You turned to see Grayson, trailed by Ethan and their mom.

You were completely frozen, unsure of what to do or say. Sure, you’d been talking on the phone a couple times a week, but you always kept it short and about the baby. You don’t even remember what you had told Grayson about your mended friendship with Jessie and if he knew you’d be here or not.

In what seems like a flash you’re now alone with him, Jessie’s mom busying herself with Ethan and Lisa.

“Hi.”

Somehow his greeting is more awkward than the first time you met him. Or the first time you saw him when you’d been pregnant with the baby. This was definitely the worst one so far, and you hated it. It didn’t sit well with you.

“Hey,” you murmur, your heart rate picking up as you fiddle with your hands in front of you.

“You look…” His eyes fall to your stomach that is more pronounced due to the way your arms almost frame it, the color of your yellow sundress almost making you glow in his eyes.

“Fat? Bloated? Like I could float away like a balloon?” You suggest.

His eyes widen, his hands coming up to physically show his disagreement. “No, not at all. Pregnant, yeah. But also really good.”

You nod, a tight smile on your lips as you watch the rest of the party continue. A part of you wished you could be like the rest of them, their lives going as planned while you stood here with your baby daddy who you were friendly with? Friends even? But you wanted more? But you also didn’t.

Well, you did but you were scared. But it’s easier to say you don’t. That’s what you’d told your roommates, that you weren’t interested in him. Payton saw right through it, of course, but didn’t question you.

“Can we talk somewhere else?” You knew you should have seen in coming, but it still made you want to shit bricks when he asked you that.

“Yeah, sure. No bathrooms, though.”

Your joke makes him chuckle, your spirits lifting a bit at that. It gave you the tiniest bit of hope that this wasn’t how it always had to be with him, that one day you guys could do more than just be awkward.

He brings his hand to your lower back to guide you into the house. He brings you to a guest room, the one you were staying in. You wondered if he knew you’d be in this room, but you’re sure he just knew this was a place you could be alone.

“When’s our next appointment?” He asks, and you cringe.

You’re unsure of how you feel about how he asked that. You’re grateful he was involved, and that he cared. It’s more than you expected originally. However, he gets to ride through this relatively unscathed. You’re the one getting poked and prodded, growing a baby in the first place. Especially with the distance over the past few months, it felt like he was less involved than you’d originally anticipated. You have been prepping for it to be you and your baby alone, and he’d pop in whenever he was free. But for him to come in and just assume it was a “we” and “our” situation when he decided to show up wasn’t sitting well with you.

“Wednesday, the 13th.”

He nods, sitting on the edge of the bed and resting his elbows on his knees to support his jaw with his hands. “Is it the appointment we find out the baby’s gender? I googled it was supposed to be the 20 week appointment, but what’d the doctor say last time?”

He’d missed the last appointment over Easter, and you had gone alone. Again, not surprising and it didn’t feel good. But, he had life in LA to attend to.

“We can if we want to, yeah.”

“Do you want to?”

You stop fiddling with your fingers, your gaze falling to him. “Not really, no.”

He lifts his head to look at you, his brows raised in surprise. “Really?”

You nod. “Gender reveals and stuff are stupid. I’m not dressing our baby based on their gender or decorating their room by it or anything. I just want a healthy, happy baby. Boy or girl,” you shrug, bending your arms to wrap them around your stomach somewhat protectively.

He takes in a deep breath, considering your words.

“I feel a bit dumb now.”

A short giggle leaves your lips breathlessly as you quirk your brow. “Why?”

He groans, falling back onto the bed and covering his face with his hands, dragging them over his skin as he puts off his answer as long as possible.

“I might, uh, might have already started a Pinterest board for gender reveal ideas.”

Before you can control it, your laughter bubbles up out of your chest. The idea of the broad man laid out in front of you sitting hunched over his computer and adding probably some of the weirdest gender reveals he could find to his long list of gathered ideas. You wondered if he had a funny name for it, or if he just called in gender reveal.

“I can’t lie, I’m just not into it. We could just have a normal baby shower, still. I’m sure there’s plenty of Pinterest content for that.” Another groan falls from Grayson before he sits up again, facing you. His cheeks are pink and his shoulder are slumped as he looks at you, his eyes falling to your stomach.

“You’re right, and we can still play so many of the stupid games like pin the umbilical cord on the baby.”

You immediately start laughing again, gripping the dresser for support as you cover your mouth with your free hand. “Grayson what the fuck is in your search history?”

“Shut up, I’m excited,” he pouts, but it’s clear he’s trying to hide a smile.

You two settle down and the air quickly becomes tense again. You stood there awkwardly as he picked at his shorts.

“So…”

You look up at the sound of his voice, waiting for him to continue.

“What are you doing now that you’ve graduated?”

Ah yes, the question you’ve somehow managed to dodge with vague answers this whole time. Really, you had no clue. Jessie had said you could live with him until you got yourself on your feet, and you had been applying to jobs this whole time. However, for every phone interview you got and asked about maternity leave, you somehow never got a call back again. You decided you didn’t want to work somewhere that didn’t value the health and family members of their employees, but that narrowed your findings down to basically nothing.

You had money saved from working through high school and college, but not enough to support yourself and a baby until you could go to work and afford a nanny. It was looking a bit grim, to say the least.

You shrug, turning to face the mirror to watch yourself speak rather than to look at him. “Not sure, been applying for jobs but nothing’s panned out.”

“Are you trying to work in the city?”

“Yeah, most opportunities there.”

“Starting after the baby is born, right?”

You turn back, raising a brow. You know you had talked about that when you first found out you were pregnant, but that just wasn’t realistic now. As in, now you were in reality and not a fictional fairy tale where a prince charming named Grayson Dolan swoops you off your feet and brings you to his lavish castle to dote on your every need.

“What?” He can see the thoughts racing through your mind and he’s desperate to know what you were thinking. You always did this, had about a million thoughts and said maybe one of them.

“Can’t just wait until then, I’m not a freeloader. I need money to live, to raise the baby once they’re born. Save for a nanny so I can work in the first place.”

He shakes his head at that, his face hardening. “No nanny, we can raise our baby on our own.”

You scoff, crossing your arms. “How?”

“I told you, you don’t have to worry about any of that stuff. I got it covered.”

“Oh yeah? So, you just get us an apartment for me and the baby to live in while you live it up in LA and I’m here alone with our kid? Do you really think that of me?”

“Y/N, no,” he defends, standing up. “I’m – I’m working on it, okay? Stop insisting you’re alone, and that you’re going to be alone. You’re not, I’m here.”

You roll your eyes, running your tongue over your teeth to try and decide how you want to go about this. How can he still make it sound like everything will be fine?

“I won’t be alone when it’s convenient for you, but what happens the rest of the year?” You challenge.

The vein in his neck bulges and he looks like he’s doing everything he can to contain his anger. “Why are you so set on me being the bad guy, Y/N? You’re the one who pushed me away and stopped sharing your life with me, you’re then one who sounds like she doesn’t want me here. I’ll literally move back to Jersey full time if that’s what’s best for us!”

“Because you can’t! That’s not your life, you have to be in LA, you and Ethan both do. And I can’t invest myself in you knowing that your life will never be here, with us. I have to protect myself, and our baby.”

Your words clearly affect him, the hurt shooting across his face. His eyes refuse to leave you, his hands reaching out to you.

“Y/N, no. You don’t have to protect yourself from me.”

You step back, your back hitting the dresser as you try to keep some type of distance between you guys.

“Of course I do. We spent, like, two days together and you expected me to drop my best friend for you. If us raising a baby together would have worked, we would have found a groove by now. We would have to respect each other, and our separate lives, to join together to raise this baby. But you can’t even recognize how your life will impact our baby and how I can’t just shape my life to make you comfortable.”

He sucks a breath in, his thoughts racing through his head a mile a minute. He had no clue how much you’d misinterpreted what happened with Jessie and how much you were unaware of how flexible he could be with his job and how much him and Ethan were looking to come back to the east coast anyways. And most importantly, he had no idea you were unaware of how much he cared about you, your happiness, health, and well-being.

But before he can say any of that, you’re walking towards the door.

‘Y/N-“

“No. It’s Jessie’s fucking graduation party, we’re not going to ruin it.”

And with that you were out the door, not even looking back at him.

Read the next part here!

#grayson dolan #grayson dolan concept #grayson dolan imagine #grayson dolan blurb #grayson dolan fanfic #grayson dolan fanfiction #grayson dolan smut #grayson dolan fic #ethane dolan #ethan dolan concept #ethan dolan imagine #ethan dolan blurb #ethan dolan fanfic #ethan dolan fanfiction #dolan twins fic #dolan twins blurb #dolan twins smut #dolan twins concept #WHIJ #here she is!!! lmk what you think

[kurts-still-here]

Nothing Breaks Like A Heart Chapter 3 Kurt/ Sebastian FanFiction

Hello everyone, I am back with chapter 3 of “Nothing Breaks Like A Heart”. Please read etheir on here or A03 or FanFiction. Net and leave any comments, questions or feedback for me. I love hearing from you guys and everyone was super sweet about the chapters so far. This chapter is about Kurt and Sebastian and it’s really sad :( Anyway read for yourself and have a good day!! :)

Archive Of Our Own

FanFiction.Net (Chapter 3)

They Say Follow Your Heart But If Your Heart Is In A Million Pieces Then Which Piece Do You Follow?- Unknown

Kurt slowly opened his eyes and sat up in his bed. He was the only one there and he was wondering why he felt like he had gotten hit by a bus when all the events from the previous came flooding back to him. It instantly shocked him and before he knew it he was crying. When the first thing you do in the morning is cry, you know it’s not going to be a good day but Kurt didn’t know how it could get any worse. He had thought about everything the previous night and tried to convince himself to get over it because nothing could be done about it.

He had broken up with Blaine. They were done and he had accepted that even though the wounds were still fresh (both physically and emotionally). He had also accepted the injuries and bruises that Blaine had given him. But it was Blaine. Blaine had hurt him. Blaine was jealous. He was cold hearted and he had proven to Kurt that he didn’t truly care about him. And Sam found out without Kurt even telling him. He knew Sam had sworn to keep his secret but what if someone else found it? What would his friends who were smarter than Finn think when they learned that he had been badly beaten up the same night that he had broken up with Blaine? If Sam was smart enough to figure it out then surely someone like Quinn or Rachel could? It was hard enough trusting Sam, he didn’t think he could trust anyone else besides Sebastian.

He knew that Sebastian knew he had been missing and he wondered if he now knew that he showed up at home. He probably did though and Kurt would have to text him later to tell him what happened. He needed to tell someone to get it off his chest. He had vaguely described the events to Sam but he hadn’t said all of it and he knew that Seb would understand the most. That he would be the most comforting in Kurt’s current situation and that he would just listen and then would give his thoughts and opinions.

Sebastian had never really liked Blaine. Kurt and him had been friends before Kurt had met Blaine and Sebastian could instantly tell that Kurt liked him. At first, Sebastian was very supportive and tried to get the two of them together but then he started to figure out that Blaine was trying to lead Kurt on and he didn’t like that. Sebastian had confessed his suspicion to Kurt but he had just waved him off and told him that he was being ridiculous. If only he had listened to him. But then they eventually started dating and that made Sebastian hate Blaine even more. He hated how Blaine treated Kurt like an object. How whenever Blaine saw Kurt talking to another boy how possessive he got, hanging onto him and kissing him every chance he got. How jealous he was of Kurt to see that he got along with other people besides him.

And the worst part of all was how big of a flirt Blaine was. He hit on everyone, including Sebastian himself. He was subtle about it, so subtle that Kurt didn’t seem to catch on to him but some people seemed to notice and they didn’t like it. Blaine would hit on Nick, making Jeff angry and they eventually stopped hanging out with him unless Kurt, Sebastian or some of the other Warblers were around. The same happened with Wes and David. And maybe Kurt did catch on and he just didn’t say anything because he didn’t want to upset him which was just another reason why their relationship was so crappy.

Even though Kurt didn’t know it, Sebastian loved him. More than a friend as a lover. They had known each other every sense they were kids and had grown up with one another. They had stayed friends when Sebastian had moved to Paris and Sebastian had comforted Kurt the best he could when he learned that Kurt was getting bullied. He moved back to Ohio around the time that Kurt had transferred to Dalton and it felt good for them to be so close again. It was like nothing had even changed between them, they had fallen right back in sync. When he had first moved back he was happy just being Kurt’s friend but then he realized that he had feelings for Kurt. It was too late though because Kurt was already falling for Blaine. And you could say that Sebastian hated Blaine so much because he was jealous of him and maybe that was part of the reason. The bigger reason, the more important reason why Sebastian hated him was because of how much he hurt Kurt and how he was such a manipulative asshole and that Kurt couldn’t see it.

Sebastian had been there for Kurt all the times that Blaine had made him cry. Kurt’s first week at Dalton had ended with him having a mental breakdown because he was so stressed out with the workload and to top it all off, Blaine had told Kurt that he needed to blend in more if he wanted to be a better member of the Warblers. Then when Kurt thought that Blaine had a crush on him just for him to find out that it was on some closeted guy from the GAP. And then Kurt still went to support Blaine even though he was heartbroken and even when the whole serenade had turned to shit and when Kurt had told Blaine that he thought it was for him and Blaine still stood turned him down. Blaine had picked someone who was still in the closet over Kurt and that had hurt him. Which in turn made Sebastian angry. But there was still more. Then there was the night that the three of them had gone to Rachel’s party and Blaine had gotten drunk and made out with Rachel Berry. At first, Kurt thought it was hilarious but as the kissing between the two lasted longer and he saw how much Blaine had enjoyed it, Sebastian could tell that Kurt was once again hurt by the asshole. And why wouldn’t he be, first Blaine chose a guy that was five years older than him, who was still closeted when Kurt was young and out and proud and now he had chosen a girl when he was gay. It just got worse when Blaine told Kurt that he was going on a date with Rachel to the point where Kurt made a comment about bisexuality making Blaine compare him to Karofsky, someone who had threatened to take Kurt’s life. No way were those two the same things, not even close. But of course in the end, both boys apologized and Kurt went right back to staring at Blaine with heart eyes. And of course Sebastian was the one to comfort Kurt the whole time while he cried his heart out over someone who didn’t deserve him. Sebastian’s last straw was when they had performed “Animal” for their sister school and afterwards Blaine had said that Kurt’s dance moves made him look like he was having gas pains, ultimately calling Kurt un-sexy. Now when Kurt had come crying to Sebastian telling him what Blaine had said he was furious to say the least. Kurt was the sexiest person he knew, his dance moves were awesome and Blaine didn’t know the fuck what he was talking about and Sebastian wanted to give him a piece of his mind. And he would’ve if it wasn’t for Kurt, wanting to stand up and protect his crush.

And then the next week, Pavarotti had died and when Kurt had sung him a song, Blaine had figured out his love for the boy. Kurt had been his friend, had been open with his feelings for him and he finally felt that way about him back when Kurt had sung a song about a dead bird. Perfect way to start off a relationship. It only made things even worse when Blaine had chosen a break-up song for their duet. They sang their duet at Regionals and even though Kurt had done great (and in Sebastian's opinion, less could’ve been said about Blaine) they still lost but Kurt was as happy as ever.

And Sebastian should’ve been happy for him but he wasn’t. Because he was the one who had been there for Kurt the whole time and he was the one who had actually, truly loved him yet Kurt had eyes for no one except Blaine. And Kurt wasn’t the only one who was all over Blaine etheir. All but a handful of Warblers (him, Nick, Jeff, Thad, David, Wes and Trent) worshipped the ground that Blaine walked on and he was a respected member of Ohio because of his dad’s wealth. But then Sebastian had wealth and he could sing and was just as good looking and yet he was always second best to the “Golden Boy”. So maybe he was jealous of Blaine but Blaine was still an ass in his opinion and he didn’t deserve anyone like Kurt. He was just waiting for the day when Kurt realized that so Sebastian could have him. So Sebastian could be happy and could feel like someone actually wanted him, like he was worth something.

But Kurt was oblivious to his friend’s feelings for him and thought that Blaine was his only option. And now that that option was gone, Kurt thought that he was never going to find someone who loved him again. Then he realized that he had never found that person in the first place and that hurt him even more. Kurt eventually stopped his crying and got up to go to the bathroom so he could clean himself up some. He looked in his mirror and regretted his decision again because this time he looked worse. His face was no longer red, it was black and blue with some yellow and purple also. His pale, smooth, angel-like skin was now ruined with bruises and scrapes and blemishes and it was all Blaine’s fault. Or maybe it was all his fault, he still had mixed feelings about his role in Blaine’s attack. He sighed, running a hand on his face before opening his cabinet to get out a washcloth and his toothbrush. He washed off his face with cold water, waking himself up some more and wiping his tears and then brushing his teeth, the taste of mint making him nauseous. His head still hurt and he probably had a concussion, which was just something else to add to his list of  “my life is completely going downhill and here’s why”. He rinsed his mouth out and contemplated on whether to throw up or not. His stomach hurt but he didn’t have the energy to get rid of his banana from the night before and he didn’t like the feeling. Might as well stall some more since it was eventually going to happen anyway.

He left the bathroom and made his bed before leaving his bedroom to go downstairs. He remembered falling asleep with Finn and Sam in his bed and wanted to see where they had gone off to. He didn’t like the idea of waking up alone when his brothers had previously been there with him even though he wasn’t really expecting them to stay with him until he woke up. He went downstairs into the dining room where he saw a nicely arranged table with breakfast items on it. He heard noise coming from the kitchen and went inside to see Sam and Finn yelling orders at one another. They hadn’t seemed to notice that he had entered the room so Kurt cleared his voice, causing the two of them to stop and turn their heads.

“Hey, Kurt,” Sam exclaimed. “You’re awake,” Kurt just nodded his head, feeling weird like he didn’t know where he was. He was confused but he didn’t know what he was confused about. He was confused about being confused.

“We made breakfast,” Finn said with a dopey smile. “There’s pancakes and eggs and fruit and bacon.” He said, listing the items that they had made.

“And Carol let us pick some flowers from her garden so we could put them on the table,” Sam added. “It’s all for you.” Kurt continued to stare.

“Are you feeling okay... better?” Finn asked, noticing the look on his brother’s face and instantly becoming concerned but Kurt continued to stare, looking straight ahead.

“Yeah, you’re kind of freaking us out, Kurt. Can you say something?” Sam asked him, wearing the same expression as Finn.

“Where’s Carol?” Kurt asked, shakily. He didn’t know what was happening but he was feeling ten times worse than he had been feeling which was saying a lot. He was getting dizzy and nothing was making any sense to him. He needed Carol or his dad.

“She went out to run some errands and to get your foot thingy,” Finn told him. “And Burt went to work. He said for us to look out for you. Why, what’s up?”

“Nothing,” Kurt lied but his body betrayed himself right then and there when he started to cry. “I’m fine I just need to go back to bed,” He said before breaking down into tears. It was as if he couldn’t control his emotions and Sam and Finn just stood there, shocked, having never seen Kurt in the state that he was in before. Kurt hugged himself and Finn and Sam finally acted, going over to Kurt and hugging him.

“Hey, don’t cry,” Sam told him. “It’s okay,”

“Kurt, what’s wrong? Why are you crying right now?” Finn asked.

“I just… I don’t feel good,” Kurt told them. “I want my dad,”

“Oh, okay. Well we can call him,” Finn offered but Kurt shook his head.

“No, it’s fine. I don’t want to worry or bother him while he’s working. I just need to go back to bed.” Kurt assured them, taking deep breaths in order to calm down.

“Are you sure?” Sam asked. “I’d think he’d want to know if you needed him,”

“I’m sure.., I’ll call Seb instead,” Kurt told them.

“Oh,” Finn said, “Okay, well do you want something to eat. We promise the food isn’t poisoned or anything.”

“I’m not hungry,” Kurt told them and he felt bad when he saw the boy’s face’s fall a bit. He didn’t want to disappoint them or make them feel bad, the gesture of making him breakfast was sweet but he didn’t feel like eating. “Maybe later,”

“That’s fine,” Finn said. “We’ll save you some,”

“Go back to bed and we’ll let Sebastian in for you when he gets here,” Sam added. “Do you want one of us to come with you? You know, so you aren’t alone.”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll be fine, all I’m going to do is fall asleep anyway.” Kurt assured them and with that he went back upstairs into his room and laid back down on his bed, letting himself sink into his mattress and comforter. He didn’t know what had just happened but he knew he didn’t like it. He didn’t have any control over himself or his emotions. If anything, Kurt needed control over himself, he needed consistency, something to rely on to know that things weren’t crashing and burning. But then again the lack of control was because his life had crashed and was now on fire.

He found his phone on his table next to his bed and looked at it for the first time since the time he had turned the ringer on it off. And it sure went to show because when he opened his notifications he saw what seemed to be a thousand text messages from all his friends. He went through each one of them, not responding but just reading them.

From Brittany

To Kurt: kurtie, where r u? finn said that u r missing and i need my 🦄 !!

From Santana

To Kurt: Lady Hummel, where are u? Finnigan is having a meltdown because he says you’re missing. Answer me now or else I’ll find you, dead or alive and you won’t be happy 🤬🤬

From Noah

To Kurt: Princess, where the fuck are you? Finn and Sam are freaking out and Blaine says you left his house and no one’s seen you since. Are you okay?

From Sebastian

To Kurt: Kurt what the fuck babe? Where are you? Don’t tell me you’re dead in a ditch somewhere. Text me back ASAP. Love ya 😘😘😘

From Jeff

To Kurt: Kurtie, are you okay? Your brothers are freaking out and no one has seen you around. Please don’t be dead. Call me when you can 😊😊

From Nick

To Kurt: Kurt, Jeff and Seb are freaking out, please tell me you’re ok and aren’t missing. We’re out looking for you right now 😬😬

From Rachel

To Kurt: Where are you? Everyone is so worried. Blaine’s crying because he thinks you’re dead or something. Call someone ASAP

From Mike

To Kurt: U ok dude? You’re freaking everyone out

From Mercedes

To Kurt: Boo, you better tell someone where the hell you are right now or else I’mma about to come find you myself and trust me I ain’t happy. But seriously Kurt, call someone for god’s sake, you don’t want to give your dad another heart attack. Love you 👄👄

From Tina

To Kurt: Finn and Blaine say that you’re missing. I know everyone else has probably texted you now but are you okay? Tell me if you need someone to pick up or something 🙂🙂

From Sam

To Kurt: Dude, your dad is flipping out and so am I. Where are you? Text me when you see this. Hope you’re okay

From Sebastian

To Kurt: Okay seriously what the hell? Where are you? Are you cheating with Blaine? It’s about goddamn time. Okay no jokes. You’re scaring me babe, please tell me that you’re okay!! 😭😭

From Finn

To Kurt: Bro, where are you? I’m so scared, why aren’t you answering anyone? Please tell someone where you are 😞😞😞

From Artie

To Kurt: Kurt, man where are you. I’ve got Mercedes, Santana and Finn yelling at me and telling me that you’re missing. We’re worried

From Quinn

To Kurt: Kurt hon, where are you? Everyone is worried sick and Mercedes and I are looking for you but we can’t find you. Please be alright 😇😇

From Sebastian

To Kurt: That’s it Kurt, I love you but it’s been an hour. WTF!!?? Answer someone for crying out loud. I’m fucking scared babe 😩😩

They were a bunch of other texts from Wes, Trent, David and the rest of the Warblers along with Mr. Schue and even for some weird reason Jesse St. James but Kurt couldn’t be bothered to read any more of them. He went to his call log to find hundreds of missed calls but he only called one person back.

He clicked on the contact information and called the number, waiting for the call to go through.

“Kurt, you better be alive or else I’m coming to bring your gay ass back from hell,” He heard Sebastian yell through the phone.

“It’s me Seb. I’m alive.” Kurt assured him and he heard Sebastian take a deep breath and say, “Thank fucking god,” before returning back to his phone.

“You scared the shit out of everyone last night. Finn called me and told me you showed up covered in blood and bruises. Who did that to you? I’ll beat their ass,”

“Seb, can you just come over?” Kurt asked, breaking Sebastian’s heart when he heard how scared and vulnerable Kurt sounded. “Please, it’s just easier to explain when…”

“I’m already on my way,” Sebastian said, cutting him off. “I’ll be there in like, twenty minutes. I’m bringing ice cream. And you have a lot of explaining to do babe.”

“Okay just, please hurry Seb,” Kurt begged, his voice breaking. “I’m so scared,”

“I will babe, I promise,” Sebastian assured him. “See you when I get there. And don’t be scared. You’re gonna be okay,”

Sebastian hung up and Kurt laid his head back on his pillow, the tears continuing to stream down his face. He was so exhausted and confused and just afraid. He had never felt this way before in his entire life, not when all the bullying occurred or when Karofsky threatened to kill him. He was shaken to the core and it probably had to do with the fact that he thought he could trust Blaine but he had hurt him. That now made it hard for him to trust anyone. He drifted off back to sleep, crying and hoping that Sebastian would arrive soon.

“Hey Finn,” Sebastian said, arriving at the Hummel-Hudson house. “Kurt’s here right?”

“Yeah he’s in his room,” Finn said, letting Sebastian in. “Just before you go, there’s somethings you should probably know.”

Sam joined them as Finn continued. “He’s in a really fragile state right now. He came down here this morning and burst into tears and we don’t really know why.”

“Just don’t freak him out Seb,” Sam added. “I don’t know how you would seeing that he loves you but take it slow and don’t yell.”

“Don’t pressure him,”

“Ask to touch him and don’t move around too much,”

“Try to get him to eat something,”

“And be nice,”

“You guys, chill out,” Sebastian told the boys. “I think I can handle it. I got him some ice cream and I just want to make sure he’s alright. I got this,”

“Fine,” Finn said. “Just follow our advice and don’t make him cry,”

“I won’t,” Sebastian assured before turning to go up to Kurt’s room. He knocked on the door and when he didn’t hear a response he slowly opened the door and walked inside.

“Kurt? Babe, are you here?” He asked and he saw something moving in Kurt’s bed and was happy to see that it was him. That was until he saw all the bruises on his face. Fuck staying calm, Sebastian was pissed off and wanted to beat the crap out of whoever hurt his friend.

“Oh my god,” He said, his eyes wide as he made his way over to Kurt’s bed. “You look terrible,”

“Gee thanks,” Kurt said, the sarcasm not present in his voice.

“You know what I mean. You’re still the hottest person I know, babe,” Sebastian assured the boy. “So I brought ice cream but do you want to eat it or put it on your face? Looks like it hurts,”

“It does, I’ll go with my face” Kurt said as Sebastian passed him the pint sized tub.

“So, are we going to pretend that nothing happened last night or…?”

“Seb, if I tell you what happened then you have to swear to me that you won’t tell anyone, okay?” Kurt told him. “I’m serious, Sam’s the only other person that knows and he promised not to tell anyone so you can too. Please?”

“I promise,” Sebastian said, kicking off his shoes and getting into bed with Kurt. “Spill it,”

“Okay,” Kurt said, taking a deep breath. “Don’t make me regret my decision,”

“I won’t,”

“It was Blaine,” Kurt said and was thankful that Sebastian was hiding his rage and anger. It was going to be so much easier if he just got it all out there before hearing Sebastian yell. “We were hanging out last night at his house and out of nowhere he just started yelling at me. He said that I spent too much time with you and Nick and Jeff and all the other guys and he accused me of cheating. He wanted to see my phone and even though I wasn’t cheating on him I still told him no because it was a violation of my privacy and then he got mad and he…” His voice broke and Sebastian started rubbing circles on his backs, already knowing what Blaine did and boiling with rage. He was so going to kick his ass. “... he hit me. He hit me in the eye and my jaw and in my stomach and he shoved me against his wall and I hit my head. Somehow my ankle snapped and when I got home Carol had to snap it back into place. They think I have a concussion and my wrist is messed up too. My stomach hurts and it’s all blue and he told me to leave once I told him he was hurting me. He said that he couldn’t believe that I came to his house and told him that he was acting irrational. He said he didn’t want to hurt me but that I hurt him first but he was just jealous. I didn’t see how it was fair to me to give him my phone so I didn’t and he hurt me. I thought I could trust him Seb but this wasn’t even the first time this happened, it was just the worst. He said he would call me but I told him not to and I broke up with him. I told him how I felt and that he wasn’t being fair to me and then I left. I didn’t know what to do and the thought of a million people asking me a million questions was overwhelming so I put my phone on silent and that’s why I didn’t answer anyone’s texts. I got home so late because Blaine had driven me to his house and I didn’t have a ride home. I didn’t want to deal with anyone or else I would’ve called someone to pick me up. It wouldn’t have even taken so long if it wasn’t for the fact that my ankle was dislocated and my body hurt like hell. Sam only knows that it was Blaine because he figured it out himself and confronted me but no one else knows and I’m just scared about what he’s going to do now. Like what if everyone takes his side? Sam and Finn already said they’re on my side but I’m not sure about everyone else and… I’m just so scared Seb,” He finished saying before bursting into tears and burrowing his face in Sebastian’s chest. “What if it’s like Karofsky all over again and he threatens to kill me? I don’t know what to do,”

“Is that all?” Sebastian asked, calmly.

“Yes, you can talk now,” Kurt told him.

“Okay well first of all I applaud you for breaking up with that dickwad. He just lost the best thing in the world. Second of all, I know you probably don’t want me to but I’m going to kick his ass once you stop crying. And trust me, he’s going to look much worse than you do when I’m done. No one beats up my best friend.”

“No Seb, you can’t,” Kurt cried, scared to death. “He’ll know that I told you and I don’t want anything else to do with him. I already told him to act like he didn’t know me and that he needs to stay away from me if he’s going to stay at McKinley. Sam and Finn already told me that they won’t let him anywhere near me but I just don’t want anything more to do with him.”

“Kurt, you can’t seriously be thinking about keeping this to yourself, babe,” Sebastian told him. “He abused you and from what you said, he seemed like multiple times. He deserves to be in jail.”

“Seb, please, you promised me you’d keep it a secret,”

“I know I did, fuck, you’re right,” He admitted. “It’s just, you can’t just tell me something like that and expect me to be okay and to not want to beat someone’s ass. Everyone was so worried about you, Jeff actually started crying when we went out to look for you. And now I figure out that you were missing because of Blaine, your supposingly, loving boyfriend. I knew he was no good. I knew it and I should’ve never let you sing that god awful duet or let you go out with him.”

“Seb, I’m a person you know,” Kurt said, lifting his head off of Sebastian’s chest. “I can make my own decisions and I can deal with their consequences. And that’s what I intend to do. Yes Blaine was wrong but… you know, who knows maybe I did do something wrong and he had every reason to do what he did,”

“Are you serious right now?” Sebastian asked him, getting pissed off. “I hope this is just because you hit your head and that you aren’t being fucking serious right now Kurt. How are you going to stand up for that asshole when he did this to you?”

“I’m just saying Seb. Maybe I really was in the wrong? I’ve just never seen him so angry about anything so maybe it… it was just me,” He finished saying, lowering his voice to a whisper.

“No, you know what Kurt, Sam and Finn told me to go easy on you because you’re in a quote on quote “vulnerable state” but you need to wake the fuck up, babe,” Sebastian said, jumping out of the bed and staring at Kurt while Kurt avoided his eye contact. “For two years I’ve been in love with you, alright. I’m your best friend, I’m the one who’s always there for you and for two years I’ve watched you as you followed Anderson around with heart eyes and then continued to give him heart eyes even though he treated you like you're a piece of garbage. He’s flirted with other guys right in front of you, barely even trying to hide it and you still choose him. And you still choose him after what he did to you. But here I am, I haven’t put myself in a relationship for two years because I have been waiting for the day when you would finally dump him and would choose me. But that’s never going to happen is it? What’s so great about him that you’d literally put yourself in an abusive relationship when you could have me? When you could have me and I would treat you the way you deserve to be treated? I remember when you used to come to me all the time last year, crying about how he didn’t love you, how he would’ve rather dated a girl than date you and how he said you weren't sexy and then I watched as you went off to date him and I held my tongue because you seemed happy but then again you seemed happy. You really weren’t and you know how I know? Because I love you. Because I know you and I know when you’re happy and I know when the smile is fake and I know when you aren’t being yourself. And you were being that way every single time you were around him. I love you Kurt, I love you and I’m not afraid to say it anymore but honestly…” His voice broke and he started to cry. “.. fuck I can’t do this anymore. I can’t sit around here while you fall for everyone else but me. It's just like how you felt about Blaine at Dalton last year, only you’re better than Blaine. But then again maybe you aren’t because you're doing the same thing that he did to you to me.” He stopped talking, out of breath. This was how he had felt for two years and he had always been there for Kurt. Now he needed Kurt to be there for him. He needed Kurt to realize that he deserved better, that he deserved him.

“I never loved him Seb,” Kurt whispered. “I thought I did but… I don’t even know what love feels like,”

“I’ll tell you what it feels like,” Sebastian said, sitting back down on the bed and taking Kurt’s hands. “It feels like you and me. I love you Kurt and I would do anything for you. And you love me too whether you realize it or not,”

“I don’t know,” Kurt said, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t want to mess anything up. You’re my best friend, I don’t want you to realize how messed up I am,”

“I don’t care. I don’t care if you’re crazy or fucked up or anything Kurt. Just give me a chance, please,” Sebastian begged him. “I’d treat you like a fuckin princess babe, I’d give you anything,”

“No,” Kurt said a little too harshly, removing his hands from Sebastian’s. “I can’t. I don’t lov… I don’t feel… I just don’t know how I feel, Seb. I’m sorry,”

“Oh,” Sebastian said, the tears coming back to him. He softened his voice, disappointed. He was sure that Kurt loved him. That he was just hypnotized or manipulated by Blaine. But he was wrong. Kurt didn’t love him and it hurt. It hurt so much and he couldn’t take it. “That’s fine. It’s fine. Hey, look I just remembered that I have to go do something. Sorry I can’t stay around but… it’s not like you really need me anyway.”

“No Seb, wait,” Kurt said, realizing that he had hurt Sebastian. “I do need you, don’t leave. I’m sorry. You’re my friend, I just don’t know about anything. After everything with Blaine… I just need to think about things for a while. I still want you.”

“No, Kurt,” Sebastian said, getting off the bed again and putting his shoes back on. “That’s your problem. You’re so obsessed with Blaine, you always want his opinion and it's like you live your life for him but he hurt you. I didn’t and you still choose him. He did this to you,” Sebastian said, gesturing to Kurt’s face. “And yet you still care about him. It’s not fair to me and it’s not fair to you. I’m not going to stay around when I love you and you don’t love me back and you’re just going to run back into Anderson’s arms because it hurts. You don’t love me and the sooner I accept that, the sooner I can go back to my own life. Because I have spent way too much time on you and Blaine and not on myself and that ends now.”

“What are you saying Seb?” Kurt asked.

“I’m saying that I’m taking a break. I’m going to take some time for myself while I give you some space. Don’t call me or text me unless you absolutely need me and if you do anyway I’m going to ignore you. You’re obviously going through some shit right now and I don’t really think you need me around now that I told you how I feel and you don’t feel the same way. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you all of this especially after what had happened but it’s better this way. And don’t try to change my mind either because I’ve already made it up. I just… I need some time and so do you.”

“Seb wait,” Kurt cried, once again not understanding what was happening. “Please don’t go, I need you,”

But Sebastian didn’t listen. “He grabbed his bag and headed towards the door. He took a dramatic pause before looking back at Kurt. Kurt seemed so broken and sad but so was Sebastian and he needed a break. “Goodbye Princess. Keep the ice cream.” And with that he rushed out the door and walked right past Finn and Sam, towards the door.

“Hey man,” He heard Finn say but ignored him. “Where are you going?”

“Home,” Sebastian replied shortly.

“Oh, are you okay? I thought that you would stay with Kurt for a while,” Sam said, concerned.

“Yeah, I’m fine. He’s the one who’s not.” Sebastian lied.

“Wait what? Seb what did you do man?” Finn asked.

“I did everything apparently,” Sebastian snapped. “Okay, because I love him and he doesn’t love me back. Get used to not seeing me around anymore because I told him I need a break. Sorry for not being gentle with him,”

And with that he rushed out the door, getting into his car and slamming the door shut. Finn and Sam just watched him as he drove off. He drove out of sight of Kurt’s house before parking on the side of the street, bursting into tears. What had he just done?

Kurt sat up in his bed trying to figure out what had happened.

Sebastian loved him.

He didn’t know whether he loved him back.

He didn’t even know what love really felt like.

He had thought he loved Blaine but he didn’t.

He had thought that Blaine loved him but he didn’t.

He didn’t want to mess anything up with Sebastian.

But he had anyway.

Is that all he did?

Just mess everything up with the people he cared about.

Because now Blaine was hitting him.

And his dad was acting weird.

And he had lost Sebastian, his best friend.

Should he even try to get him back?

Should he apologize or should he do what Sebastian wanted him to do and stay away?

God why was he such a screw-up, why did he ruin everything?

These thoughts bounced around his brain and no matter how hard Kurt tried to think of something else, he couldn’t get rid of them. This was how his day got worse. Sebastian was gone and it was all his fault. He had been right there this whole time and Kurt had been blinded by Blaine. Blaine had ruined everything for him. Wait, no it wasn’t Blaine’s fault, it was his. Or it was both of their faults. He had been a bad friend to him while Sebastian had been nothing but comforting and caring and now he blew everything.

He laid back in his body, hugging himself up in a ball and crying. Sobbing. He couldn’t breathe and once again, he had no control over himself.  How does one’s life fall apart so quickly in less than twenty-four hours? How does one lose so much? Just his luck.

He drifted off back to sleep and didn’t hear when Sam knocked on his door. Sam, not having gotten a response from Kurt, opened the door and saw that Kurt was asleep. He noticed the tear stains on his face and contemplated waking him up to ask him what had gone down between him and Sebastian or letting him sleep. He decided to let him sleep, seeing that he was probably exhausted and that he would get upset if Sam woke him up. He would ask Kurt about it later and Sam only hoped that Kurt was going to be alright.

#glee #glee fanfiction #kurt hummel #sebastian smythe #kurtbastian #lol blaine #lol klaine #please read #and comment #and reblog #thank you #have a great day/night!