#IM SUFFERING TREMENDOUSLY | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

loveydovey-leviathan · 4 months

Text

"promise"

leona x gn!reader

summary: leona pushes you away because he wants you to be happy | 2k words

cw: very loosely based on the song "promise" by laufey, reader is yuu, farena uses yuu's happiness against his brother, kinda ooc, leona doesn't know how to handle his emotions or problems, he's a dick but when is he not, leona pushes you away and he doesn't communicate properly, reader chooses leona over their world, happy ending because im not one of those writers who likes to see everyone suffer /j

The day Leona had was too nice and the night too beautiful for him to be putting up with his perfect, always-the-first-choice, thinking-he-knew-what-was-best-for-everyone, and quite frankly just plain annoying older brother.

"What do you want?" he grumbles as soon as he answers the call, lying down on his bed.

"What, I can't call my younger brother just because?" Farena chuckles, a sound familiar to Leona but he knows him well enough to realise that he has an ulterior motive besides just checking up on him.

"You don't call unless it's to tell me something."

"Now, I know that's not true! I've called you plenty of times but-"

"Spit it out."

The voice on the huffs, but it's followed by a few seconds of silence. Leona is about to hang up before Farena finally breaks it.

"I know about your relationship with the Prefect of Ramshackle Dorm, Leona. Did you really think you could hide it from me.?

"I never hid it from you."

"Then how come you didn't tell me? It's been months!"

"I don't tell you anything."

"I know that but I thought you'd tell me this at the very least," another sigh from the King. Leona waits for him to continue because there's clearly more to this pointless conversation.

"Leona, you may not be King but you still have responsibilities to uphold."

"I knew what I was getting into when I chose ___."

"Yes, but do they know?"

"Of course, they do, they aren't stupid."

"Are you sure? And I mean absolutely sure, no doubts whatsoever and everything was made crystal clear since the beginning. I'm not talking about the stupid part, in case you were wondering."

"What are you getting at," it was more of a demand than a question.

"You're a prince, Leona! That's what I'm getting at, you can't be selfish like this!"

"Yes, I can," Leona knew he was selfish, but so many things had been taken from him purely by chance, but you chose to love him. He was your first choice and he'd love you for the rest of his life, consequences and stupid responsibilities be damned.

"I meant concerning ___. They're from another world, correct? Would you make them choose between you and the family they have back in their home?"

Leona doesn't like to think about it. The thought is shoved into the far corners of his mind, where worries as heavy as this are left to fester, waiting to attack on lonely nights. He grips his bed sheets tight.

"You should consider their happiness as well, Leona," he knows that, everything he's done was in an effort to do so– to prove to you that you weren't going to regret loving him.

"And if they do choose you, and if this relationship lasts until both of you graduate, do you think they'll be happy here with you? It's one thing to date during school, but when you leave its confines and truly become a Prince, will they still be happy with you? Royalty has always upheld a tremendous amount of responsibility, and the spouse of said royalty is expected to share that burden alongside them."

Once again, Leona doesn't answer, and Farena sighs. It's one of finality and exhaustion.

"I hope you think about what I've said tonight, Leona. Good night, and I'm always here when you need me," the call ends and the second son puts down the phone. He doesn't know how long he stays awake staring at the ceiling, but by the end of it, he clenches his fist even harder and grits his jaw. He loves you too much to be selfish.

━━━━━━━

You find Leona under his usual spot in the botanic garden. He’s as pretty as always but it’s immediately evident to you that something is wrong. His body is too tense, there are dark circles under his eyes and his tail is lashing side to side in a rapid manner.

“Leona?” you call to him, but he doesn’t answer, though you know he’s awake. You step towards him and sit down near his head, expecting him to drag your body nearer so he can lay on your lap. He doesn’t move.

You know him much more than he thinks you do, so there isn’t a doubt in your mind when you ask “...Did your brother call?”. At that, he finally raises an eyelid and his mouth moves to form the question you’ve become used to, ‘How’d you know?’ but only a sigh leaves his lips.

Suddenly he sits up, and you notice that there’s at least a foot of distance in between you. He stares at your face for a while and the silence as you wait for him to say something stretches more than it should– something is wrong and even though he isn’t acting that weird, there’s a heavy feeling in your gut that spreads to your chest and onto your fingers, begging to hold him.

So you do. You scoot closer and entwine your hands with his. He hesitates for 1, 2, 3 seconds before squeezing back and tucking his head into the crook of your neck like all he wants to do is hide away. Gently, ever so gently, you place his head onto his usual spot on your thighs and he buries his face in your stomach. The action is tight and desperate, his body curls as though he wants to mould his very being to you. It cracks open your ribs and makes your heart bleed because when he hurts, you hurt with him.

The rest of the lunch break is quiet but he doesn’t fall asleep. And when you leave you don’t see him for days.

━━━━━━━

He senses you before he even hears your footsteps, before the warm and familiar sound of your voice fills the hallways of this school. It’s always been like that with you, he realises. He doesn’t even have to search for you– it’s like he already knows his place in the world and that’s by your side, so he just gravitates towards the one he’s given his heart to. But he makes a conscious effort to ignore the tug of his legs that instinctively wants to be near and moves away.

He knows he should just tell you, end it all before he hurts you and the poison in his veins that tells him he’s never going to be good enough taints you as well– which you aren’t, you deserve so much more than a second no-good prince– but he’s also selfish, and he figures out that he is also a giant coward.

The voice that tells him so screams at him when he breaks his promise and goes back to you, tail between his legs and shame on his shoulders weighing him down. It always happens when he’s delirious on sleep deprivation because he can’t close his eyes without seeing you and the hurt expression you try to hide when you think no one’s looking. He tries to push you away, or rather to pull himself away– but he can’t stand the thought of you going back to life without him even though his conscious mind wants you to.

When he first showed up at your doorstep, the betrayal and shock pummelled his soul to the earth and made his heart drop to his gut. But you didn’t say anything when he barged into your personal space and wrapped himself around you like he never left. He half-expected you to demand why he’d been so distant but all you did was hug him back so tight his heart lodged in his throat and tears welled up from the choking feeling. You took him by the hand and you both slept on the couch that night. By the next morning, he was gone without a word and the guilt felt even heavier, knowing he got your hopes up. He promised himself he wouldn’t do this again.

That night repeats days after and the cycle repeats. His visits don’t have a pattern. Sometimes, he comes after 3 days, others a week or more. By the third visit, you look tired- of him. He hates it but somehow it feels right, not in the way he likes but in the way you’re supposed to. The way you deserve to. Maybe if you hated him you wouldn’t hurt.

━━━━━━━

He’s lost count of how many times he’s visited but tonight when he sees you, you look angry, rightfully so. You’re undeservingly patient towards him. When Leona sees your face, you’re angry– furious at him. You look like you want to throw him across all your furniture in hopes that he feels the same way you feel.

“Leona–” he hates the way you say his name. It’s angry and cruel and deserved. “-- what the hell is going on? You won’t tell me what happened to make you act like this and then you ignore me for days right after–”

“Nothing’s going on,” he stubbornly grumbles. Like he’s said every time you’ve asked. Every time he says this you look increasingly frustrated because it’s obvious that he’s lying– and your eyebrows scrunch in exasperation once more.

But this time your face falls and his heart stops.

“We can’t keep doing this anymore, if you don’t tell me– then I can’t be with you.”

He doesn’t know why he’s so frazzled– this is what he’s been waiting for because he was too much of a weakling to tell you himself, why he started all of this in the first place.

But he misses you, and he’s selfish. He always has been and he doubts he’s ever going to change.

“Would you choose me?” The question makes you pause.

“Leona, I did choose you–”

“If you could go back to your world, would you still choose me?” Would you pick me first?

You’re silent then. His palms almost bleed with how hard he clenches his hands as he waits for you.

“...Yes. Yes, I would. If you tell me why you’re acting like this.” He doesn’t know if you’re telling the truth, if you’ll still tell him that if there really was a time you had to choose between him and your world. But he’s so tired, and he loves you more than the amount of stars there are in the sky.

“I got a call from Farena,” this makes you hesitantly reach for his hand. He meets you halfway and you rub your thumb over his knuckles. The action makes him want to tear up– you’re still so gentle with him after everything.

“Do you think you’ll be happy with me? When we both graduate and I have to help my brother rule, will you be happy?”

He feels your hand on his cheeks, lifting his head to look at you properly. The look in your eyes isn't angry or hurt, it’s soft and understanding. He almost forgot how it felt to be on the other side of your affections.

“I knew what I was getting into when I chose you. You’re rough around the edges but you make me happy in ways no one ever did, like no one ever could.”

He moves his arms to hug you but he stops, still not sure if he’s allowed to. You meet him halfway and he buries his face into your neck. You feel tears stain your shirt and he lets out a sigh so deep and tired it makes you smile.

“Haven’t been able to sleep without you, herbivore.”

You chuckle, “Guess you aren’t getting rid of me then.”

“...Sorry.”

“I know. I love you.”

“I love you too, more than anything.”

You hold him with enough love to break his heart all over again, and he holds you like a beast who doesn’t deserve it but will gladly take anything you give him.

269 notes · View notes

aziraphales-library · 6 months

Note

Hello!! I was just wondering if you knew of any fics similar to In Love We Rise by AJ_Constantine, like in the sense that they're slowly exploring and figuring each other out, like eventually progressing up to kissing and then, y'know, but in a fluffy kind of way? Im not sure if that makes any sense tho but thank you anyway! (P.s. i love this blog so much, you people are actually amazing at this! I hope you all have a lovely day/night :])

Hi! You might be interested in our #developing relationship tag for fics along these lines. Here are some more for you...

Love and Lust in Mesopotamia by The_Bentley (E)

Living among humans means sampling their activities, including the sexual ones. There's only one problem. Crawly isn't interested in women, but he is in Aziraphale, who is attracted to him in return. If Crawly agrees, Aziraphale would like to show him that physical affection can exist between two beings who are presenting as the same gender.

It's Getting Hard, This Holding Back by ZehWulf (T)

6,000-odd years is a long time to evolve a romantic relationship, but as a near-immortal being, Crowley had patience. True, they had lost momentum right around reaching the Speaking Looks and Meaningful Gestures stage, but at the time Crowley had been more or less content to let things idle. Now, he was determined to shift things back into gear, and that gear was Explicitly Romantic Physical Expressions of Affection.

Resonance by Macx (T)

They had been friends for six millennia. They had been on their side. There had only been their side. Of course, they had never known it until it was all supposed to end. They had stood against their respective sides, had been hurt, had suffered, had felt desperation, fear and terror. Now it was suddenly over and both Crowley and Aziraphale have to deal with the consequences. Not just those of Up Yours and Down There. They have come a long way at a very slow pace. They have come so much further in just within day. And they were still going incredibly fast, changing, evolving, becoming something that might be part of the Ineffable Plan...

The professor, the old crush, the new love by AccroV (E)

Aziraphale Fell is an english literature professor who freaks out when he discovers that his new colleague is his ex best-friend and crush from high school : the one and only Anthony Crowley. They didn't talk for years after one night in high school. What can happen now ? An AU with : high school memories, awkward flirting and lot of good feelings

Chemistry by Twilightcitysky (E)

Aziraphale and Crowley have been living among humans for 6000 years, but there have always been parts of the human experience they've chosen to avoid (like allergies, head colds, and having to use the loo). They've also never let hormones get in the way of making rational decisions, because they didn't have any hormones to speak of. That's all about to change.

Introduction to Touch by sheendav (E)

Aziraphale and Crowley survive the Not-Pocalypse and profess their love for one another, but Aziraphale has tremendous anxiety about pursuing a physical relationship with Crowley. He genuinely wishes to move forward, but past fears surrounding touch, intimacy and body image are prohibiting him from acting on what his heart (and corporation) really want. Crowley is ready to go as slowly and carefully as needed to be there for his Angel as they pursue their new "Arrangement" step by careful, sweet step.

And the one you mentioned...

In Love We Rise by AJ_Constantine (E)

Ever since the thwarted apocalypse, Aziraphale and Crowley have gradually expanded the boundaries of their relationship. Aziraphale has delighted in slow progression of lingering touches, tender embraces and chaste kisses. He enjoys the demon's company more than ever, but one evening he finds himself in an odd sort of mood, nettlesome and heartsore, and declines Crowley's offer to take him out to dinner. He figures that once he has a good sulk in the privacy of his bookshop, he'll get over it. Crowley decides that won't do, and drags the recalcitrant angel out on a mysterious mission, which ends up taking them on a path that neither of them expects it to.

- Mod D

#good omens #ineffable husbands #adult omens #developing relationship #fluff #mod d

185 notes · View notes

gomzdrawfr · 6 months

Text

cod mw3 spoilers ahead

cw: angst, MCD

edited: it did happen haha......

there was no goodbye there were no screams whispers of our name ceased no more "Simon" no more "Johnny" just an absence, sudden, abrupt, loud─── I always knew that time was ticking the inevitable was bound to happen One way or another and yet here I sit among the blanket of of your life seeping and coating what's left of me to savour and to embrace the last ounce of warmth from you I hear and feel the shards of glass broken, scattered and strewn inside me Pieces once made me whole Now only serve to break me more

rambles:

You know...it just watching that scene broke me...because the way Ghost called out to Johnny.

I know a lot of folks complained that it was rush and there were no build-up and cinematic scenes (as per the leaks) but the panic from Ghost's voice was palpable.

It was weak, and almost like a plea.

When he went and turn Soap's head....and to press his hand on the neck to see if he was truly gone or not.

AND here's the thing, it all happened so fast.

there was no time to accept and to really take in what happened.

They had bombs to diffuse, people to kill, Makarov to kill.

and hence the theme, "out of time"

and also hence why Johnny’s body wasnt drawn clearly

there was no time to accept his death, not until his ashes were scattered away

Yes, I know that they're soldiers, special forces soldiers and they were meant to act appropriately bUT LISTEN- GhostSoap's relationship mean so much to me...they literally are the reason my blog was born in the first place so LET ME GO DELULU

I didn't really cry and break down until they spread his ashes....god fucking damn im in so much pain

to think that the world is unaware, that the brightest soul is now gone

a home now gone.

As much as I am focusing on Ghost....i think the team will suffer tremendously as well cause think about it

Soap is their glue, the one who makes the tension lighter, the one who cracks jokes and raise their spirit

I think Price will be the next to be greatly affected by this, because back then he held Soap back when Soap wanted to shoot Makarov in the airport

It will be a grave mistake that he will carry for the rest of his life, he'll probably blame it all on himself.

He'll end up alone again.

oop might do a separate post for Price angst if i can survive.

#gummmyart #doodle #i dont think i can survive #i doNT THINK I CAN GO ON MAN #and yet here i sit with more angst wip #haha #im insane #im coPING #cod mw3 #cod mw3 spoiler #angst #cod angst #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #soapghost #ghostsoap

168 notes · View notes

mysticsublimeperson · 2 months

Text

I want to express my frustration because... im trying to write some time travel Merthur fanfic as one does...

and I keep hitting my head against the same wall. Because just in case you didn't know England SUCKED before imperialism and colonialism.

Not that that made it better but, the English isles didn't have a variety of fruits or vegetables, the did have meat and fish and salt I think, but no sugar or way of producing it but honey if I remember correctly.

And admittedly climate change is a pain in the ass, but in medieval times the winters probably consisted in huge blizzards and freezing for 4 months.

They didn't even had tea!!!

All the good stuff its because of colonialism which is horrible for the world but whatever.

Im trying so hard to ignore this facts... to be free and write about silly angsty boys but I needed someone to know how difficult it is.

Because Merlin having lived in a 21 century would have spent since the 16th drinking bloody tea, and now he is back in time and doesn't have tea, doesn't even have sugar, it's a pain in the ass to get milk, and he can't even get his favorites foods because the fruits and vegetables aren't even evolved yet.

BECAUSE YES! All of the greens have suffered a tremendous amount of change because of selective farming!! so even if there were apples back there, they probably wasn't the same apple, probably weren't even half as sweet as they are now a days!

Same with animals, and plants. Many of the species have gone extinct but they existed back then. And im dying for a chance to bring this into the fic, to prove just how difficult the transition it's, but a the same time, it doesn't matter right? not really.

bUT I NEEDED TO VENT A LITTLE SO thank you for listening to my rant.

Also im not even a history girly, im an art babe, so all of this I know by logic and assumptions from my art history clases, and my hyper fixation, so obviously take everything with a grain of salt.

((It's just that I was cooking and I was trying to think which ingredients were available at that time to make the most simple dish but no, there was almost none, no spices, no tomato, I think the had cabbage, and like broccoli because its the same plant, but probably wasn't evolved into all of the different versions we know, they had beans, and lentils I think, the potatoes come from South America, so no potatoes, the had bread but what kind of bread??? sO YEAH, this is my head.. all the time))

85 notes · View notes

neil-gaiman · 1 year

Note

hey neil, i know that theres a very low chance youll see this considering how many asks you get but its worth a shot. im still in highschool and youve always been my biggest inspiration, but no matter all this advice i see to just "keep writing", my issue is that i have yet to start writing the thing i really want to and my brain doesnt allow me to find inspiration for anything that isnt it. and if i do find inspiration, it feels incredibly unworthy of my time because of my dedication to this one story. i write other random fanfiction to things i enjoy, but my main focus for *years* with large worldbuilding and character arcs is just something i, no matter how hard i try, can manage to map out on a board to get a sense of how to really start it. im autistic, which makes it harder for me to understand vague "just start it and revise later", "write random things", "just begin it no matter how it sounds". its hard to motivate myself and i suffer tremendously from the knowledge that time passing means time wasted. whats bad about having just one main focus is that i want it to be my lifes work, this series to explain this fixation ive had in my head since sixth grade, and i dont want to write anything else unless it could relate to it. i feel the constant pressure to write and yet i cannot, because i am not in the right state to begin that life project. how am i to guide myself in the direction of understanding writing more if i am stuck behind a wall of disinterest to write something else? i wish to inspire young readers the way you did me, but for years its plagued me knowing that i know so little. if you ever see this, i will be forever grateful. thank you for reading this.

I don't know. You either have to write other things to get good enough to start your special project, or you need to start your special project and learn how to get good enough as you write. There isn't really an alternative three.

860 notes · View notes

robiny · 4 months

Text

I need to vent about this - is there such thing as media literacy in lobotomy kaisen ? I see nuclear takes every day and I don’t engage with them because I know these people have their mind’s set and can’t believe anything else or their fragile view point will shatter. But how can you even argue satosugu were just friends 😭😭😭 like do you even have friends? shoko and gojo are friends, megumi and nobara were friends, geto and gojo? Im sorry but how much subtext can you overlook and how much subtext can there be for it to matter. OF COURSE gege is not going to STRAIGHT UP say they are gay lovers this is shonen and you are proving him right by arguing against it. AND ABOVE ALL ELSE the thing that truly pisses me of tremendously makes me genuinely hysteric, is people misinterpreting gojo’s last words to geto. HOW CAN YOU ARGUE WITH A STRAIGHT FACE THAT HE SAID ANYTHING BUT “I love you” HOWEEEWMEMDMSMSDN HOW, WHY WOULD THAT CONFESSION BE MUTED IF HE SAID SOME BULLSHIT LIKE UR MY BESTIE WHY like genuinely, these words weren’t hid from the audience just because, ITS A CONFESSION OF FEELINGS SO DEEP SO PROFOUND BUT SHAMEFUL AND SECRETIVE AND THEIRS FOR ONLY GETOS EARS TO HEAR AND GETOS HEART TO FEEL. WHY “LOVE IS THE MOST TWISTED CURSE” I WONDER WHAT MADE HIM THINK OF LOVE THIS WAY PROBABLY FUCKING UTAHIME NOT THE GUY WHO HIS SOUL KNOWS BETTER THAN HIS ALL FUCKING KNOWING EYES. WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR LOVE FOR A BEST FRIEND WHO HAS HURT YOU TWISTED ??? NO TF YOU WIULDNT YOU DONT PONDER ABOUT YOUR LOVE YOU DONT HIDE IT FOR 10 YEARS YOU DONT WANT IT BACK EVEN IF ITS THE THING THAT RUINS YOU. no but genuinely any other interpretation of the words is stupid, im sorry, it’s not just their relationship but also the scene itself. getos reaction… he was shocked, then happy, blushing because it made him ashamed but at the same time smiling because it made him so happy, wishing after pushing away gojo for years that at the very end gojo would stop loving him but he never did. literally at the brink of death, finding peace in the chaos, but facing this unconditional love, geto wished only for gojo to curse him a little so he wouldn’t suffer losing him…. best of friends everybody

#anyways 😒#stsg #I’m sorry but this makes me so sick #Can gay people have anything #why are satosugu denied their love why is their love questioned #it’s literally a core part of gojos and getos characters and people want to overlook it so bad #whateva #satosugus know what’s up so it’s doesn’t matter #but it does piss me off so much lol #it’s homophobia there I said it #just shut the fuck up if you have nothing of value to say #words that were never spoken in their youths ah yes gojo never said getos his best friend makes so much sense narratively speaking #be fucking fr #satosugu #my angels darlings I will protect you #I’m a little ashamed to be so angry but I’m doing my part #someone has to fight for the gays #gay rights

44 notes · View notes

thrashersasuke · 6 months

Text

i rlly do think i’m fully entering back to my 2018-2019 naruto extreme hyperfixation phase where i am on the point of being like a little crazy about it maybe a lil delusional (fr) but it actually makes me shake with anger when ppl completely don’t understand wtf i’m saying especially about sasuke. like the whole post was about how the land of the waves arc was a SET UP to SHOW LATER ON how sasuke is a character who is COMPLETELY ABOUT LOVE. the love for his clan and family drives him to orochimaru, not hate. it’s the entire point why he leaves to kill itachi. because he Loves his family and clan, and itachi implemented that in order to get revenge on him would to live in hatred. maybe he hated his brother (valid obviously) but the whole reason he is suffering from such tremendous sadness and loneliness and grief and why he Feels So much about itachi is because of the love he HAS for family clan etc (even itachi..) love as a central point of his character is shown when he doesn’t kill naruto in vote1. sasuke knows that the one way (according to itachi) to get the power to kill him is to kill his best friend and sasuke Doesnt. he Can’t and actively tries not to. leaving in the middle of the night, trying to make naruto go away at the very beginning. he doesn’t want to leave the leaf he doesn’t want to leave naruto specifically but he feels like he has to. and this carries into the other point being besties with orochimaru…? WHEN?????????? he is manipulated from the very first time orochimaru sees him. he gives him the curse mark because he knows he wants to kill itachi. when orochimaru and kabuto say that they have to separate naruto and sasuke cuz “the nine tails boy is changing sasukes heart and mind”. when he sends his sound ninja after sasuke in the end of naruto. sasuke is so distraught about leaving team 7 and the last push is when the sound ninja like beat him up and are basically like “u want power right? to kill YOUR BROTHER right???” and he goes. he’s manipulated by powers outside of his control, he’s 13!!!! and even then. LIKE SHIPPUDEN?? WHEN HE LITERALLY TELLS OROCHIMARU HE DOESNT NEED HIM ANYMORE and that what orochimaru does to ppl and what he was going to do to him DISGUSTS HIM “i don’t like your style, you sicken me” ?!?!? HOW IS THAT BESTIES he KILLS orochimaru. ig they team up later on, but that’s only when orochimaru is “different” (i hate orochimaru still but whatever) and sasuke doesn’t gaf because his goal is to see if he should really destroy the leaf village because uhhhhhh like. well they committed a genocide against his entire people and have actively ostracizing them and oppressing them basically since tobiramas term as hokage so like. do i even need to explain how sasuke was completely right in his hatred for the leaf? for the “peace” everyone was so blissfully (and ignorantly) living in was from the massacre of an entire group of ppl SASUKES PEOPLE. like DO I NEED TO REALLY TALK ABOUT HOW ALL HIS FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS ABOUT THAT ARE 100% JUSTIFIED? i won’t cuz it’ll make this post super long (more than it already is) but yeah. OMFG. DONT SPEAK ABOUT SASUKE IF YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HIM especially not on my posts IDGAF IM CRAZY

#anyway.#my post

55 notes · View notes