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onepdumpsterfire · 4 years

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Summary: Usopp moves to the city after a year since his mom died in a way to feel closer to her. There he looks for a roommate and finds none other than Zoro himself. what fate has in store for them is left for a later date lol

Roommates

Usopp . Zoro

It’s been almost a year since my mom died. She’s been sick for a long time, so I knew this was coming for some time now.

Even so, knowing didn’t stop it from hurting just as much.

Since her funeral, all I’ve done is coop myself up in our house. I’d probably turn into a hermit if it weren’t for my neighbor, Kaya. She came around whenever she had the chance.

That was nice of her considering what she has been going through…

But the more she worried about me, the guiltier I felt.

I know that she can't help but take care of people. Hell, It's why she’s been studying pharmaceutics, but I also know she can do so much more with her life. She could be some big-city doctor or researching to cure cancer!

Wouldn’t that be so much cooler than being stuck in a no-name city, too small to even afford more than the one clinic it has?

In any event, that’s only one of the reasons why I’ve decided to move away for a while. I think some time out of this house would do me some good.

The city that I’m moving to isn’t all that big and a bit further than I’d like it to be, but that’s the point of moving, right?

One way or another, I chose this city because my mom fell in love with it. She used to tell me about how, when she was young, she used to travel all over! She’d seen it all. Every tourist attraction and big-name city, but there was something about this city that just took her breath away. She told me that this place managed to calm her need to be constantly moving. This is also where she got pregnant with me then later she moved back to where she was raised and had me.

As much as she loved it there, she wanted me to go out on my own and find a place that would ‘sate my most wild urges and fuel my deepest desires,’ as cheese-ly as she put it.

At first, I thought she was joking.

I thought that she only liked that place because it’s where she met dad… It’s also why I hated this city.

My father was a coward that ran away as soon as my mom got sick. Though, she never blamed him for it. I never got to as her why, though. Years later, I did ask her if I was right. That she only romanticized this place because she fell in love there. However, she told me that he was only part of the reason why she loved this city so much, and that if I didn’t believe her then I should go find the depth of this city for myself.

I debated with myself for the longest time. Whether this was the right choice, or if I was ready to set foot in the place I used to loath so much. But being here now, I feel so much smaller than I thought I was. I’m nowhere near the heart of the city, but the sheer enormity for this place makes it feel like it’s trying to swallow me whole.

Sure, back home we had a lot of open fields and the horizon was always noticeable, but here the buildings towered over everything. It felt like a tsunami that threatened impact but never collided. The horizon was replaced by millions of stars that fell from the sky and sat just out of reach so that if you got too close thy’d turn into someone else’s day. Someone’s life.

There are so many people here that It almost made it feel lonely. Being surrounded by so many lives yet being so far from them. A mirage in a desert, one could call it. It promises life, but the closer you get the more you realize you could never get close enough.

I guess I was too much of a coward to be as alone as I felt when I first stepped foot here, though, I’ll keep telling myself it’s because the apartments here are too pricey and I only managed to land a job as a gas station attendant. Nevertheless now I’m sitting on the first floor of a fully furnished two-bedroom apartment checking a roommate wanted ad I posted earlier this week.

So far there have been only two people who wanted to move around this area, but one ghosted me after a few messages and the other ended up creeping me out so much that I had to report his account! I just hope the last person that answered my ad isn’t as much of a weirdo as the previous two.

They seem to be a bit curt, but I shouldn’t get too picky. Rent for next month is gonna be due soon, and there is barely anyone who wants to live near this area as is!

I’m sure that they’re nicer in person! I shouldn’t worry. It’s just two days.

Two days.

-2 days later. Thursday 2:30 pm -

When I arrive at the coffee shop, I walk straight to the back of the line. It isn’t that long and I’ve got here thirty minutes early, so I should have time for a drink before they get here.

Should I get something for them too? No, that’d be weird, and it would probably get cold by the time they get here.

The person in front of the line leaves and we all step forward.

Shit.

Someone arrives and lines up behind me.

I didn’t ask for their name! I don’t even know if they’re a boy or a girl!

The next person leaves and we take another step forward.

Is it too late to ask? Would it be weird if I did?

Another step forward

What if they’re a girl? Would they feel uncomfortable living with a guy?

“-ir?”

I did put on the ad I was a dude though…

“-cuse me, sir?”

“Huh?” The barista’s voice brings me back to earth. “Oh, sorry!”

“It’s okay!” her chipper voice rung out, “could you repeat your order? I didn’t quite catch it.”

“O-oh, sorry. Sorry. I didn’t mean to talk out loud. I was lost in thought, I guess... haha ...” I looked up to their hanging menu, more so to look away from her than to figure out what I wanted.

After putting in my order I take a seat at the very back.

Ten minutes later my drink was ready and my anxiety was rising again.

What if they don’t come?

Five minutes later and I sent them a message to let them know I’m here.

Maybe I could’ve phrased it better?

That sounded weird…?

God, is that a typo?

five minutes later

They haven’t answered, but that’s okay! It’s only been five minutes. Can’t expect them to be by their phone 24/7 right?

I’ll play some games on my phone to distract myself. Yeah, that’ll be fine. It’s fine.

I take a big gulp from my drink

I downloaded that new game. My hopes aren’t high for it, though. I found it via a random Facebook ad. Hopefully, it’s not one of those scams that say 90% of people can’t pass level five, but it’s only ‘cus no one lasts long enough to get to level five.

Hmmm… it seems plays well. A bit of a lag but the graphics are awesome! The old-style, pixelated art and bright, neon, solid colors give it a very retro vibe. The ads between levels kind of ruin the experience, though.

Guess they gotta make money somehow, right?

I wonder if they’ll go away if I turn off my data and Wi-Fi.

I shouldn’t just in case the person I’m meeting tries to reach me.

Could be fine for a round or two, though, I’d anxiously suffer through all of it.

I shouldn’t just in-

A sudden scraping sound from the chair opposite of me jolts me from my hypnotic state. “Hey,” a green-haired man in front of me mutteres before taking the seat he pulled out.

Taking in his form as he makes himself comfortable, my mind begins to race. Green dyed hair with roots of black hair showing. Fitted, sleeveless Nike shirt and black basketball shorts paired with a white pair of sneakers.

Oh, god. What’s with the green hair? He looks super buffed. Am I about to be mugged? No, that’s stupid. He wouldn’t have sat- in a cafe, really?

I quickly glance down at my phone for the time.

Exactly 3. Is he super punctual? More than likely a fluke, but impressive nonetheless. What if he’s a perfectionist?

My thoughts continue to swarm around my head, buzzing in an insatiable mob until a humming silence washes over me. Like one of those box televisions from back in the day. Not broadcasting anything in particular, stuck on a blue screen, droning on in silence.

The sudden stillness in my thoughts came so abruptly that it almost gave me whiplash. That aside, I need to focus now and answer him.

“Hey, sorry I didn’t ask for your name-” I left my statement open so that he could fill in the blank“-Zoro”

“R-right, Zoro. My name’s Usopp,” I waved my hands like the gesticulation would somehow help my words form into a coherent sentence, “but you probably already knew that from my ad... Hah..” I gave a quick huff before pushing through my awkward inexperience with ‘interviews’. “I was thinking we could talk and get to know each other before I take you to see the apartment.”

“That’s fine by me,” Zoro relaxed further in his seat. “What do you wanna know?”

Right at home, ain’t he.

~Do you smoke? “No”

~Are you a messy person? “I don't have a lot of things other than clothes.”

Doesn't quite answer the question but ill take it.

~Do you have friends over often? “No”

~What do you do for a living? “I’m a bouncer at a bar near here.”

Explains the muscle.

~Can you pay rent on time? “Yes, actually I brought the first month’s with me. Your ad said that split cost between the both of us plus the utilities would be $487 right?” Zoro dug around his pocket before pulling out a folded wad of cash and handing it to me.

“U-uh yeah,” tentatively I reach over to take the money. “Yeah...” I doubt I can find someone else by the end of the month. Zoro’s my safest bet at getting a roommate before next rent's due. He doesn’t seem so bad, I’m sure we’ll get along just fine.

...I guess this means there’s only one more question to ask.

“Do you wanna see the apartment?”

#modernlivingau #one piece #one piece zoro #Pirate Hunter Zoro #roronoa zoro #one piece usopp #god usopp #one piece kaya

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shawnies-rihno-blog · 5 years

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Continue the Lucas wanting a sibling oneee

Here you go!!!! I loved writing this, lowkey though, i just made myself feel lonely! Also if you wanna read part one it’s in my masterlist, but it isn’t necessary.

Warning: Major FLUFF, little cussing.

WC: 1.4k

For the past 3 months, I have constantly been bothered about having another child. First it was just Lucas who just wouldn’t shut up about wanting a sibling. Whether is was breakfast, lunch or dinner, he would constantly beg Shawn and I to ‘buy’ him a little baby, even though we explained how babies aren’t bought, probably just didn’t get through his thick head- which was very identical to Shawn’s.

Lucas wasn’t that hard to deal with, it was easy to distract him. His 5th birthday just passed, he was gifted a lot of toys, so I would just tell him to go play with them. He was easy. Now out of nowhere Shawn had gotten the baby fever. Weren’t women suppose to be the ones to get baby fevers??? For the past month and a half, walking into my own bedroom had become a nightmare.

It all started on Wednesday, I walked into Shawn and I’s shared bedroom, and he started talking about how cute babies were, he just wouldn’t shut up.

On Thursday, after i walked out of the shower, while I was moisturizing my legs, Shawn came into the bathroom showing me pictures of Aaliyah’s baby. It was all fine until he said “it would be nice to have our own baby too,” and then he walked away.

On Friday night, I got into bed, laying beside Shawn. He started pecking my neck and the skin behind my ear, which was turning me on, and then he decided to say, “Let’s make a baby right now. Lucas is asleep, you don’t have to work tomorrow. It’s the perfect night.” I have never been more turned off by a sentence. This kept happening, me constantly telling him to stop, but his ‘mommy hormones’ wouldn’t hold back.

For the past three days, I’ve been feeling out of the weather. I kept brushing it off, knowing it’s probably just a little cold. Today though, I started throwing up. Shawn wasn’t home, for which I was so thankful for, because if he saw me like this, he would force me to stop doing everything and make me lie in bed. Luke walked into the bathroom though, he immediately started worrying, asking me if I was okay. I brushed it off, and he ran out of the bathroom going to play with his toys, probably.

When I headed downstairs for breakfast, I saw Shawn rushing through the door. Lucas immediately ran to him.

“Daddy, Mama was sick this morning. That’s why I called you! She said she was okay… but she didn’t look okay.” Lucas explains, rushing through his sentence.

“I know, that’s why I’m home. We are gonna take care of Mama, and make her feel like a princess, okay?” Shawn says as he picks up Luke, heading towards the kitchen.

They both walked into the kitchen, Shawn puts Luke down, telling him to think about what he wants for breakfast. Then he heads over to me, immediately placing the back of his palm against my forehead.

“You’re burning up,” he states.

“Good morning to you too,” I say foolishly smiling at him. “Aren’t you supposed to be discussing tour dates right now?” I question him.

“And you’re supposed to be in bed,” Shawn exclaims a little angry.

“What’s got up your ass today?” I ask, chuckling.

He grabs the dishes from my hand and picks me up, walking towards the lounge. He places me on the couch and Luke comes running behind him.

“Daddy was I right? Is mommy sick?” Lucas questions.

“You were absolutely right!” Shawn utters. He goes to the medicine cabinet to grab some medicine, but before he can come back, I'm rushing to the bathroom again. It’s weird, I feel like throwing up, but there is nothing to throw up. Overall it is a horrible feeling.

Shawn enters the bathroom, rushing to me. He crouches beside me, holding my hair back, while caressing my back with his other hand. When I crouch away from the toilet, my eyes are watery, and I feel horrible for feeling horrible. Shawn pulls me into his chest.

“Is it something you had last night?” Shawn interrogates.

“I don’t know!” A pathetic sob leaves my mouth.

“Hey, why are you crying? There is nothing to cry about.”

“I don’t even know. I’ve been feeling horrible for the past three days, and I didn’t want you to find out cus’ I know you would drop everything for me. And I hate myself for that.”

“I would drop everything because you’re the most important thing in my life. Baby, you’re always there for me, I’m suppose to be there for you too.”

I snuggle my head into Shawn’s head even more -if that’s possible, sobbing, definitely marking his tee with my tears. It gets quiet for a moment, Luke joins us too, sitting in my lap, resting his head on my chest.

“Oh My God!” Shawn exclaims. “You’re pregnant!!” Shawn yells.

“Holy crap Shawn! If I were pregnant i would know!”

“No!!! I know because this is the exact way you were acting before you found out ’bout Luke!!” Shawn blurts.

“Mama is what?!” Luke questions.

“Holy-” I say wiping away my tears. I lift up Luke from my lap, and place him on Shawn’s. I rush to the medicine cabinet, immediately eyeing the pregnancy test. I take it and rush into our bedroom’s bathroom, Shawn and Luke both hot on my tail.

I get out the bathroom, seeing both my boys sitting on the bed. I plop beside them, feeling nervous. It wasn’t that I didn't want a kid, it was all happening so suddenly. But again, I might not be pregnant either.

“Can you check? I’m scared.”

Shawn gets up and heads to the bathroom, Luke crawls over to me, kissing my cheek.

“Mama you’re gonna be okay! Daddy and I will take care of you!” Luke says. I smile at him pulling him closer to me. He was identical to his father, he had the same features, hair, literally everything, even his personality.

Shawn screams on top of his lungs and then rushes out of the bathroom. “Baby!!! I was right!!” Shawn says as he lays down next to me. He is smiling so widely i’m worried his pretty face may break.

The waterworks for me start again. I’m smiling too. I don’t know what to say so I just grab Shawn’s hand and intertwine it with mine. Luke looks at the both of us with the most adorable, confused face ever.

“Why are you so happy?!” Luke whines.

“You know, Lukey, you keep asking for a baby right?! Well now you’re gonna get one!” Shawn says excitedly.

“We can’t go get a baby right now! Mama is sick.” He says worriedly.

“No baby! Momma is sick cus’ there is a baby in me right now.” I explain. Luke instantly gets off of me, he looks scared.

“What?! Where is it?”

“It’s right here,” Shawn says pointing towards my stomach.

“Mama ate the baby?!”

“No love, the baby is gonna grow inside mommy until it is big enough to come out.” I explain trying to calm him down. Shawn grabs him making my lie down beside the both of us.

“And then when it is big enough, you are gonna poop it out?” He questions again, curiously.

“Something like that. But before Mama poops out the baby, she will get super big and we are gonna have to take care of her and the baby. Okay?” Shawn says to Luke.

“Is she gonna poop out the baby next weekend?”

“No, you’re gonna have to wait longer than that, bubba,” Shawn answers.

“So how long is it gonna take her to poop out the baby?”

“Well you’re gonna have to wait a long time for her to poo-”

“I am not pooping out the baby!” I exclaim.

“It’s something like that, love.” Shawn bashfully smiles.

“It’s nothing like that!”

“Wait, so is mama gonna pee the baby? That’s gonna hurt,” Luke thinks out loud. Shawn and I chuckle at his comment. Shawn leans in and pecks my lips, it’s a little difficult with Luke in between us.

“Baby, fuck- I’m got so lucky,” Shawn sigh’s.

“Fuck…?” Lucas questions. “Ms. Anderson told us to look for new words this weekend! I found the perfect word!” he continues.

“NO!”

“Holy- we will have to go through this again with baby number 2,” I exhale.

“Well we have each other, everything is gonna turn out alright.” Shawn says as he leans in to kiss my belly.

----

I love this so much omgg!!! I am gonna work on other requests tomorrow but rn i should really go sleep. Thank you so much for reading!! i know its bad, but thanks for reading anyways!! x

#shawn mendes #Shawn Mendes Imagine #shawn mendes smut #shawn mendes masterlist

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wonderlustlucas · 4 years

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pandora’s box

⇢ word count 3.8k ⇢ warnings mentions of abuse, hints of pedophilia, explicit descriptions of death & asylum treatment. basically all the horror movie stuff. don’t read if ghosts & dying are triggers :] ⇢ a/n hello my precious children so uhm in the midst of trying to write some christmas fics my lit teacher assigned a creative story for us to write but it had to be horror themed (yknow, cus december is still spooky season?) n knee way me & @black-raven200 wrote this and since this is what took away from my WRITING writing i figured i’d post it :p enjoy!!

Only two minutes have passed since I last checked an hour ago, or so it seems. Each tick of the clock roars like a crack of thunder in my skull, serving only as a reminder to what lies ahead. Perhaps then there will be an opportunity for escape. A chance to run free from this prison, to leave everything and everyone who I know awaits my destruction. For now, though, I must sit here and endure this pathetic interrogation, knowing there will be no solution.

“Pandora,” she repeats, shifting uncomfortably in her seat, “why did you kill Elizabeth?”

I find it hard to look her in the eye. Not because she intimidates me, no— it’s the worry heavy in her tone that frightens me. Why did I kill Elizabeth? It is a complicated situation indeed; one Nurse Alice nor Sister would understand. “Self-defense,” is what I say. Again.

Sr. Bernadette sighs from her spot beside Nurse, clearly exasperated. Until now, she has been soundless, the animosity glinting in her eyes the only sort of indication I need to know of her infuriation. “Pandora, you know Elizabeth is—was—a quiet girl with quiet intentions. She stared out the window twenty-four hours a day. Why for the love of God would you need to smash her head against the wall for self-defense?” Sister raises her voice now, and if it were not for Nurse Alice in the room, I know the sting of her palm across my face would have made me speak up hours ago. She’s nicer when Nurse is here. Nurse is nice.

But how am I to explain? Time and time again I tell the truth, but they never believe me. Even now, when I look to him for help, I know they cannot see. They never see and they never will. “Tell them what she was going to do,” he says, a simple gesture of encouragement that has hope filling my heart. “Someone told me the only reason she looked out the window all day was because she was too busy planning on how she was going to kill us all,” glancing away from him to look at Nurse, I add with a smile, “so I killed her first.”

She looks to her hands folded in her lap, too flustered to hold eye contact any longer. So I turn to Sister once more, watching her jaw twitch as she processes my words. “Pandora,” Nurse Alice sighs, dejected, “was it your friend who told you about Elizabeth? The one you mentioned last time?”

“Yes!” I shout, grinning excitedly at her. She smiles softly in return. “Yes! It was him. He tells me everything, because he protects me. He’s my only friend here and he wants to keep me safe from the crazy girls like Elizabeth. Sister Bernadette, do you think he’s my guardian angel? Mama used to tell me that when you see your angel, it means you have a special place in Heav—”

“Silence,” Sr. Bernadette interrupts, raising her hand and I flinch away, expecting her to do more than stop my ramble. I would never admit it to her, but she is a terrifying woman. I will never understand how she made it into the convent, or why God would accept such an evil lady, but I guess it’s not my business. What is my business, however, is that she reminds me of Papa. The way she talks down at everyone, the way she walks, the way she hits, and even the way she looks, down to the squiggly hair growing out of the ugly mole on her cheek.

“I have heard enough,” she announces, rising from her chair and smoothing the untarnished skirt of her habit, “Nurse Alice, see me in my office when you are finished.”

With that, she leaves, not even bothering to look at me. How rude!

Nurse Alice sighs for the umpteenth time this evening when Sister closes the door with an unnecessary slam. While she sits there, kneading her eyes with her knuckles, Casper moves from his spot against the wall to sit beside her. Oh, how I wish she could just see him. Hear him. Feel him. Anything to prove to her I’m not as crazy as they think I am.

“I tried Pandora, I really tried. There’s nothing more for me to do,” she murmurs, and when she looks up her eyes are brimmed with tears. In this moment, she looks like Mama. My heart sinks. Nothing more for her to do? What does she mean nothing more? “What happens now?” I ask because, truly, what will happen after she meets with Sister? Perhaps she will help me escape. Maybe I will finally be free from this horrid place. That is what she can do.

“I cannot say,” Nurse admits, “Sister is not adept working with young children.”

“You mean crazy young children like me?” I ask.

Nurse Alice frowns, reaching across the desk to grasp my hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. Casper glares at her affectionate gesture. “You are not crazy, Pandora,” she reassures me, the same way she does every day, “I don’t know what you see or who they are, but I believe you. You’re not the first person in history who sees ghosts, or spirits, or like you said, your guardian angel. The world just doesn’t like to accept these kinds of things when they can’t see it and you can.” Casper doesn’t like Nurse Alice. He says not to trust her, and that she’s just like everyone else. I believe what he says about everyone else, that Elizabeth was a psychopath or that Gerard is possessed by the Devil, but I cannot accept what he speaks of Nurse Alice. She has been the only one to ever truly care, let alone give me the benefit of the doubt and know that what goes on is true.

“I’m sorry I killed Elizabeth,” I whisper, looking to the checkered marble floors. Why they chose such atrocious tiles for an asylum is beyond me, that in itself is enough to drive anyone mad. Life here constantly feels like a game of chess on these floors; you stay on your square, watching everyone else’s moves, trying to decipher their next, while simultaneously needing to gather enough courage to take a step yourself. I don’t realize until a tear hits my hand that I have started crying.

Nurse gives my hand another squeeze before pulling away. It seems I’ve stumped her, but I understand. What is she to say? ‘It’s okay’ when it really isn’t? When I look up, Casper is gone.

“Why don’t we get ready for bed? It’s been a long day,” Nurse asks after the silence has settled heavily in the air, exhaustion evident in the blue bags drawn deep below her eyes. I nod, wiping away the wet trails left on my cheeks with the back of my hand.

The walk back to my room is quiet; lights out was more than an hour ago, and the only sound of life in the hallways is the sound of our footsteps and the ceaseless hum and buzz of the sconces in between every other bedroom door. Even the routine guards spaced randomly about the hallway are unusually quiet. Perhaps things are strange tonight because of this morning’s events.

Nurse stops outside my door. It’s silent inside, somehow more so than the hallway and upon glancing in I realize it’s because Elizabeth is no longer there. I have the whole room to myself and whether this is a blessing or a curse I do not know. “Alright Pandora,” she smiles comfortingly, and upon sensing my uneasiness, bends down to hug me tightly, “I’ll see you in the morning.” I wish I could stay with her, or her stay with me. Because I still have Nurse to protect me, yet I can already feel it, the cold tickle of fear creeping up my spine, the weight of being watched burning into my back and the horror lying within the room waiting to eat me up alive. Before I at least had Elizabeth laying like a vegetable across the room to keep me company, but tonight I must face it on my own.

Squeezing Nurse tightly, I feel as if I must take some of her strength and tranquility with me in order to get through the night. “Goodnight, Ms. Alice,” I whisper, pulling away from her and returning her sad smile. With one last squeeze to my hand, she sees me to my room at last, watching me enter cautiously before turning away and clicking the door shut behind her. The atmosphere inside seems heavy all of a sudden, suffocating in the way dread hangs over my head. “Casper?” I whisper out, quiet voice piercing the room’s stillness as if my nightmare itself does not lurk in the corner.

Leaping into bed, pretending that it offers some sort of protection against the evil, I stare with a teary gaze back at the Shadow against the wall opposite of me. Unlike Casper, Shadow does not speak. It does nothing but stands around all day, watching me when I’m alone and waiting until I turn away to finally take the life from my body. That’s why Casper is so important— not only does he warn me of everyone else’s intentions, but he scares Shadow away.

“Casper!” I call again, terror sparking through my veins like electrical currents when Shadow jolts to stretch its black figure across the floor instead. Past my almost unbothered façade, I wonder if it can feel the way my heart thumps against its glass ribcage every time it comes close. At this, my friend finally returns, appearing sitting atop Elizabeth’s empty bed. Shadow instantly disappears. “Oh, thank God, you’re here,” I let out the heavy breath that had been caught in my throat, “and look! Now you have your own bed!”

He frowns instead. “If I stay over here, Shadow can get you,” he retorts and I instinctively wince at the thought. “Okay, never mind then,” scooting closer to the wall, I pat the hard mattress, “I don’t want to risk anything.”

Casper hums in content, appearing beside me in the blink of an eye and even though he physically is not there, it’s nice to imagine being held, protected against everything that dares come get me. There is a cool breeze against my head where he pats gently, instantly bringing the heavy lull of sleep to my eyelids as he switches the lights off. “Goodnight, Casper. Thanks for protecting me,” I mumble incoherently, and even though I can’t see it, I swear I feel him smile against my hair.

There are no smiles come morning. Instead, it is the total opposite. With a force unnecessarily aggressive for seven AM, two security officers from another level burst into the room, sending the door against the wall with a crashing bang. Jumping awake, I find that Casper has vanished in the same instant that these men come storming the small confines of my room. I have not even finished rubbing the last remnants of a dream from my eyes when they are seizing my arms, quite literally forcing me up and out of bed. “What—” I hiss, attempting to pull away but it is absolutely futile.

The panic really begins to set in when we reach the hallway and turn right towards the elevator instead of left for breakfast. “Where are you taking me? Let go!” I shout, flailing in their grip and trying to ground my feet to the floor, but they easily continue on. What is happening? Where is everyone? Where is Nurse?

“Nurse Alice!” I scream at the top of my lungs, pulling back against the guards and gaining only a second of freedom. It’s all I need to slip from one of their grasps, spinning to look back to where Nurse Alice stands against the wall every morning after role call. “Ms. Alice!” I scream again, thrashing against the men with my heart racing a mile a minute when she only stares ahead at the scene unfolding before her. “Nurse!” I wail, tears suddenly spilling from my eyes. Why isn’t she doing anything? “Nurse Alice! Help me!”

People have started to gather, watching with wide eyes as I am drug closer to the elevator. The harder I fight, the more useless it becomes. There’s a sharp pinch at the back of my thigh, and when I twist around I find that one of the other nurses on our floor has poked me with a long syringe, and just like that my limbs feel three times heavier, as if just lifting an arm requires the strength of a rhino. They’ve stuck me with something, and now they’re taking me somewhere bad. Just as we reach the doors to the elevator, my head rolls back to look at Nurse Alice one last time. Past the tears blurring my vision, I’m able to pick her out, unbothered and looking to the floor.

Casper was right. She is just like everyone else.

Something is wrong. Very, very wrong.

I have been in this joke of a room much longer than expected. When I arrived, the drug that knocked me out kept me unconscious until the following day, and now two days have passed without any sign of Casper or Shadow. Later after dinner is served, when I pass by the mirror hung up on the wall, I see Shadow’s reflection behind me, but when I turn around, nothing is there. There is no gut-wrenching sense of fear, I have slept like a baby, and for the first time in my life, I feel normal. Left to my own thoughts with no need to constantly keep an eye out for the evil that has always lurked. While solitary confinement is not the best way to deal with these sorts of things, I’ve found a sense of solemnity in my isolation. No Elizabeth, no Casper, no Shadow. Just me and my empty, unfiltered thoughts.

I wonder why no one has followed me into my new room. It is ridiculously small, with a single bed and the necessary means of living, but that’s it. A perfect scenario for Shadow to prey on me when I have no space to hide, so I am utterly clueless as to why I have been left to my own devices.

So, I’ve decided to drop the topic. Without the fear-induced worries I have been living with for the past fifteen years, I’ve taken to spending my days doing other things. Reading, while an enjoyable activity, is only secondary to the time I spend simply thinking. Thinking of my family, my old friends, school, what goes on in the world and, finally, what I will do when I leave this place.

I’d like to run away to a new country. Without the educational or financial means to get a good job, or a home for that matter, maybe I could find a kind farmer to hire me. His family could become mine and I will learn what it is to live a normal life. And then, one day, I will be able to do it all on my own. For now, I must figure out how I will escape. Or, if I’m lucky, now that my mind is free, they will let me go themselves.

“Don’t be silly,” a familiar voice disrupts my daydreams and I jump up from bed, heart hammering in my chest when I find Casper across the room. His words make me frown. “If Nurse Alice couldn’t save you, then no one else here will,” he hisses and, squinting further, panic burns in my veins at the furious spark in my friend’s once kind eyes. Instead, there are no pupils, only pools of blood red in place of honey gold. “What are you doing here?” I ask, sitting up and staring at him fully now. I’ve looked much scarier things in the eyes before.

Casper snorts. “I’ve been trying to get you in this room for years, and when I finally do, I cannot get through the physical walls. So of course, you use this time to come up with silly fantasies for your future, leaving me behind. How rude of you, Pandora.”

“I haven’t thought once about leaving you behind, Casper! You left me.” I gasp, insulted by his accusation. He is being absolutely ridiculous, thinking it’s somehow my fault that I’ve ended up here. A muscle in his jaw twitches, his fists clenched angrily at his sides. Why he is so angry I do not know.

“Silly, stupid girl,” he sighs, edging close. “Why are you being so mean, Casper? Friends don’t say that to each other,” I whisper, heart twinging in hurt. At this, he moves to stand in front of the bed, reaching to firmly grasp my jaw. More importantly, the panic burns like an inferno now, for I can feel his touch. “I am not your friend, Pandora,” Casper chuckles darkly, “and I no longer have to protect you from anything ever again. You know why?”

“Why?” I whisper, on the verge of tears again. Crying is the only way to cope living in this place.

“Because I am what you needed protection from, and now it seems as if you are all mine to devour.” His words take a moment to process, and by the time I have caught up he is already closer, heart constricting under his grasp and yet all he does is hold his palm out in front of my chest.

“Casper,” I croak out, jarring and brutal bursts of pain searing from my chest and down through my entire body, “Casper, what is happening?” It has not yet clicked. At his silence I have no affirmation to what is happening, only left to assume that this is some weird reaction to what was given me to knock me out. But this is not normal. Not the way my consciousness seems to float in an empty space, filled with thick static. There is so much pain. I want to cry out but everything is fuzzy, I see nothing at all and the loud pounding of my heart echoes like thunder in my skull. So much pain. I hear the ticking of the clock in the room with Sister and Nurse Alice, the game of chess on these checkered floors and I feel what I made Elizabeth feel in her final moments. There is everything and nothing happening all at once. My whole body is draining away, and almost as soon as the black mist swirls at the edges of my mind, it is already all black.

When I wake, things are not where they left off. But then again, where did I leave off? I cannot remember. It is a blur. I cannot recall what yesterday was, or what happened. When I wake, there is a haze clouding my mind that leaves everything uncertain, and even though I have not fully awoken, it feels as if I am floating out in the abyss. Papa must have gone mad last night, but now I am safe with Mama. No, no, that can’t be right— I must have just come back from Dr. Chae’s hypnotism. No, that can’t be it either, it’s way too cold. Doctor used to have the heat blasting year-round. So… where am I? The panic starts to set in. Everything feels… wrong. All of my thoughts are clouded. My emotions are dulled, I feel no pain, no happiness, no anger, no… nothing.

Slowly, my reality starts to piece itself together and my surroundings fade in. The darkness is still there, but instead of the smothering presence it had previously, it now lingers at the corner of my vision, almost as if it has just become a part of me now. I am in an office. The barren and cracked walls feel familiar somehow, but I cannot recall why, I have never been here before. Or have I? I am not so sure of anything.

Someone walks in, and in a hushed tone she starts to argue with… Sister Bernadette? “She has been here only twenty-four hours, but she already speaks to the walls as if time has already broken her,” Sister says in a familiar tone.

I am in the asylum.

“I heard her say a name yesterday, Casper, I believe,” the woman answers quietly and cautiously, as if at any moment Sister will snap.

Sister almost spits out her reply, “Like that makes it any better Alice, she is still speaking to herself in the middle of the night.”

Alice, Nurse Alice. All of a sudden everything comes crashing down, I remember it all. Killing Elizabeth, Shadow, Casper’s betrayal, Nurse Alice, all of it. I begin to feel the sensation of tears behind my eyes, but no water flows. I feel like I am hyperventilating, but no air comes out of my mouth. What’s happening to me? Am I dead? Am I dying? The panic sets in again, gone is the emotional numbness that I previously held. Is this a joke, has Casper simply— no. Someone new is about to walk in. I recognize the voice, it’s Casper. A young girl trails behind him, she’s small with black hair and—

No. No no no no no no. This can’t be real. It’s impossible. Following behind Casper is… me? It doesn’t make any sense. I try to speak, scream, to somehow tell this past version of myself that Casper is not who he seems, but no one seems to hear me. Slowly, I walk towards them and detach myself from the wall where I previously stood. I see myself look up from the floor and stare directly at me, like she suddenly realized my existence. Her eyes grow wide and she backs up slowly as I move forward. “Casper?” She whispers, frightened. “What is that Shadow?”

I spin around, searching for Shadow. Are they still following me?

I move further away from the wall, but suddenly my past self screams. “Casper, help me! It’s coming closer!” I turn back around, but there’s nothing there. Realization creeps up on me slowly at first, like a panther getting ready to attack its prey. Then, it strikes. Am I the Shadow? I try to test my theory creeping back into the wall. “Don’t worry,” Casper speaks finally, “it’s leaving now, you’ll always be safe with me.”

Lies. I was never safe; I never will be. Not even now, in death, or whatever the hell this is, can I find peace. But maybe, just maybe, this time I can warn myself of the evil that lies within him. It is the only thing I can do to save myself from this painful loop of death.

It has been three years. I’ve watched myself die sixteen times. Today, I start all over again.

#scary #scary story #scary stories #paranormal #supernatural #paranormal activity #haunted #haunted asylum #asylum #evil spirit #ghost #horror #horror story #horror stories

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rookisaknight · 5 years

Text

MBTI and the Seeds

Religious bullshit, meet personality bullshit. I took to 16personalities for a direction on this and was actually pretty convinced by the majority of the results (which is whack because 16personalities almost always gets at least one letter off), but I have an unfathomably large amount of information about this test stored in my grey matter so I’ll be hopping off a bit to fill in my own blanks. Also notable is the severe trauma each of the Seeds have been through

This is going under a cut because it's a long post and honestly might be more worthwhile as a reference for myself and how I write the Seeds, but I can’t be the only personality nerd in this fanbase.

Jacob Seed: ISTJ. The Logistician

I wasn’t sold on this one initially given that Jacob seems far more comfortable with out of control situations than most Js generally are, but I find the overall profile fits him better than ISTP. My explanation is that his time in the juvie, the military, and the foster system has forced a maturation of this particular function due to constantly feeling out of control, which makes him more open to adaptation than he would have been otherwise.

Strengths:

Honest and Direct: Notably Jacob is arguably the least manipulative Seed. He “tricks” you in a sense with the conditioning but that is more a strategic concealment than any deception. Unlike the other three, Jacob does not pretend that his actions come from any sense of love or divine calling. He is always straightforward with the deputy, even if that doesn’t restrain his cruelty.

Strong-willed and Dutiful: Basically see all of the Book of Joseph, as well as his “you think I care if I die” comments. I lump very responsible under this.

Calm and Practical: I don’t think I have to explain this part. Jacob never reacts from an explicitly emotional place. The “did you think you were free” is the closest to losing his temper I think we see from him. He has expectations, and failure to meet them will be punished. He doesn’t see a need to get emotional about it, preferring to detach himself

Create and Enforce Order: Well, culling the herd is an unconventional tactic, but...

Weaknesses:

Stubborn: As Joseph said, Jacob has been getting into it since he was a kid. Even with the brother, he’s willing to die for, he explicitly argues with him. And even in the face of his own death, he refuses to rescind his own philosophy, or even demonstrate any regret for the path he’s chosen.

Insensitive and Judgemental: Jacob’s a shithead no I will not elaborate

Always By the Book: an illegal paramilitary cult, yes, but one that holds to Jacob’s exacting standards.

Often Unreasonably Blames Themselves: Loath as I am to woobify Jacob at all, there’s a pathos to him. As Joseph says, he thinks of himself as a “weapon without a purpose. A soldier without a legacy”. As a child, he protected his siblings and as an adult, he views himself as little more than a meatshield. There’s a sense that he objectifies himself, reduces himself down to simply the function of violence and protection, and those high standards mean that he views death as simply another failure.

can bastard be a personality type

Joseph Seed: ISFP- The Observer

The test originally gave me INFP, but I find that unconvincing for two reasons. One, INFP’s are predominantly defined by an open-minded approach to life and to ideas, which doesn’t fit well with a guy so convinced he got religion right that he was willing to kidnap and murder people. Two, while Joseph is definitely contemplative and deals with the symbolic, his “visions” are not flights of fancy but are in some sense practical. He doesn’t really appear to engage in thought experiments, merely interpret sensory (or in this case extrasensory) information that he is presented with.

Strengths:

Charming: The man runs a successful church for a reason, and it can’t just be good cheekbones and dogwhistling

Sensitive to Others: Joseph has a keen insight into other people’s emotional state, which is what makes him so effective at manipulating them. He tends to meet people where they’re at with a certain deftness that would be impressive if he didn’t use it the way he did

Passionate: about the LORD. No, but I’ll give this to the man, he’s certainly got a vision, and sticks to it with intensity.

Curious: I think anyone working in the business of people has to have an inherently curious mind, and while Joseph may believe he has all the answers, his fascination with the Deputy to me indicates that he has an inherent draw to things that disrupt his world. I also think about how he would get in trouble as a child for seeking out forbidden material, such as Spiderman comics. those Satanic webs...

Weaknesses:

Fiercely Independent: He’s developed a supportive community now but Joseph has always marched to the beat of his own awful, awful drum, which has gotten him kicked out of at least one job and lost him at least one set of foster parents. He doesn’t seem to need people as much as he acquires them

Unpredictable: Sometimes with blood, sometimes with forgiveness, it's hard to say how Joseph will respond to disruption on any given day. Where the spirit leads, I suppose.

Easily Stressed: This one I’ll actually argue that his turbulent history and the demands of his job have at least taught him to cover this up, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t cracks in the armor. “yOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME!!!!!”

Overly Competitive: He’s a sore loser with a tendency to punish people for failing him (see: Faith and the statue)

Fluctuating Self-Esteem: He’s dealing with a joint worldview where he is at once God’s chosen and a “no one from nowhere with nothing”. How much of that is genuine we may never know, but I don’t think the fluctuation is outside the realm of possibility

John Seed: ESFJ-The Consul

I was a little on the fence about N vs S but ultimately found that John’s a bit more concrete than conceptual.

Strengths:

Strong Practical Skills: I mean, the man orchestrated a hostile takeover of an entire county, he knows how to get things done when he wants

Strong Sense of Duty, Very Loyal: This part is likely underdeveloped given how tempestuous forming relationships was for most of his life, but given how bound he feels to Joseph its clearly in him.

Good at Connecting With Others: He’s a shitstain, but according to Joseph he had business connections everywhere and was basically a walking secret storage bin. John can probably be very charming if you don’t know how he spends his weekends in the bunker.

Sensitive and Warm: again, underdeveloped given his background, but there’s clearly a lot of emotions broiling just below the surface given how volatile he can be and how easily Joseph can access them. Joseph also describes him as a very sensitive kid, for what that’s worth

Weaknesses

Worried About Their Social Status: The boy is a climber

Inflexible: He holds pretty firmly to his headcanons on Hope County (for fuck’s sake John Nick’s sin isn’t Greed, its Sloth) and has a very definite view on how things should be. Not to mention he seems very particular, just based on the state of his home and his clothes. He has rituals and habits, and will not deviate.

Vulnerable to Criticism: If you say anything about his future receding hairline he will cry. He just will. Not to mention I’m citing that look he gives you when you’re apparently costing him paradise by not converting

Often Too Needy: He will either get attention or he will die trying.

Too Selfless: Honestly, selfless isn’t the right word here, but I’ll copy the way 16 personalities describes it because I think it fits really well for John. “ Consuls sometimes try to establish their value with doting attention, something that can quickly overwhelm those who don’t need it, making it ultimately unwelcome. Furthermore, Consuls often neglect their own needs in the process.” John is a deeply selfish person but he does act like someone who tries to get affection by giving everything of himself, often to the point that he makes the other person uncomfortable.

I literally love this dramatic edit it's so good

Faith Seed/Rachel Jessop: ENFP-The Campaigner

I have nothing to add, it just fits. At the most, I think Faith is a little more pragmatic than she lets on (given that whole “if violence is the only language you choose to speak”) but to me, that can easily be an extension of the ENFP’s ability to connect emotionally. It means they know how to cut people off

Strength

Curious: I mean you don’t end up in a cult willingly without a little curiosity. Faith also seems mildly intrigued by the Deputy’s resistance, and while this eventually culminates in frustration with our intractability, I believe there’s a genuine investment in the journey to conversion

Observant: Faith is cued into her public perception, both from the resistance and the cult, and consciously constructs it. She also shares Joseph’s ability to tune into emotions and exploit them.

Energetic and Enthusiastic: How much of her ray of sunshine persona is constructed for the benefit of converting people will probably never be answered, but I don’t believe it can be constructed whole cloth. I think Rachel always was a person with a lot of heart and enthusiasm for her passions, even if it's not as constant as Faith Seed wants you to believe

Excellent Communicators: There’s a reason she’s regarded as the Siren. She can talk people into things even they don’t want to do. Certainly left me shook

Know How To Relax: *insert weed joke here*

Very Popular and Friendly: Again, her Siren persona may not be 100% genuine, but you can’t fake that level of charisma

Weaknesses:

Poor Practical Skills: Listen, Rachel is smart as hell (definitely smart enough to develop a drug and orchestrate mass production thereof), but her planning skills? Not great. Up until Burke gets taken out of the Bliss her plan seemed to be “talk with the Deputy over and over until they change their mind”. She kicks it up a notch after she finally gets annoyed with us but it seems a bit more “making it up as she goes”, and she falls back on strategies that have worked for her before but aren’t really effective for the Deputy. In fairness, I don’t think any of the Seeds are strong in the planning department

Overthink Things, Get Stressed Easily: Unlike with John and Jacob, Faith doesn’t really let us in to see her darker side. She prefers to speak of her flaws in the past tense. Yet clearly anxiety has been an issue in her life, given how deeply her isolation sat with her and her sense of worthlessness. Using drugs as an escape from stress also makes sense for her character, at least from my perspective

Highly Emotional: Faith communicates in emotional terms, manipulates people through emotions, and unlike someone like Jacob Faith loses her temper. She shouts at us, demonstrates her frustration very openly, even screams at us that we couldn’t possibly understand her.

Independent to a Fault: Her personal history gives her some interesting codependent issues with Joseph but based on what we hear of her from Tracey Rachel resented anyone trying to control her, even if they had her best interests at heart, and was perfectly willing to burn bridges over people questioning her choices.

If people are interested I can develop these out more. I may eventually do these for the police force members too but frankly, we’re given less to deal with for them, in particular with Joey and Staci, so who knows.

#far cry 5 #fc5 #joseph seed #jacob seed #john seed #faith seed #rachel jessop #mbti #headcanons

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poppyknitt · 5 years

Text

Payback, Part One- A Darkness and Desperation tale

Summary: Jameson came home with bruises all over his arms, and, well, Marvin found out, so, he asked Jamie what happened. As it turns out, the poor little kindergartener’s bullies were back, but this time, they came with extra things to hurt him with. They jumped him, and, he still somehow managed to walk home, however, his brothers called their country’s emergency hotline as soon as all of them knew about how severe the injuries were.

TW: MAJOR PHYSICAL TRAUMA, VIOLENCE, SEVERE ANGST, BULLYING, ALCOHOLISM, ETC.

———

Marvin gritted his teeth. His baby brother came home crying once more today. It was those damned brats again. They never left poor Jamie alone! God, he hated them.

“What happened this time, Jamie?” He asked, holding his littlest brother’s painfully injured arm delicately in his hands, as he studied the horrid, nearly blackened bruises that practically covered it from his wrist to his shoulder.

“... T-They... Jumped me after school... Charley had a bat, Luke h-had a b-big textbook, S-Sammy had... steel-toed boots... and the rest just kicked me or encouraged them...”

“But what happened, Jame? I... How much of you hurts?!”

“E-Everything... My... w-whole body hurts...” His voice was so weak and broken from his pain and distress... Marvin hated that his brother went through that. He promised himself he’d do everything his baby bro described to him right back to those stupid brats, and more, just to get back at them for everything else they’d done to his bro.

No one hurts his little brother.

No one.

“... Do you remember what happened, Jame..?” He asked, much more gently this time.

“... Y-Yes...”

“Can you tell me? I won’t tell mama, promise. She won’t know this happened.”

“... O-okay...”

When Jamie finished, he was much, much angrier than before. In fact, he was shaking a little, just from the effort it took not to grab a knife and run off to kill them all right there and then. Thankfully, the boys were all in the same boy scout troop, so he wasn’t going to have any issues getting them all rounded up for the moment he’d pay them back all the pain they gave poor Jamie.

“... Jame... Take off your shirt, please, I wanna see how bad it is.”

“... I... But, what if mom sees..?”

“I won’t let that happen, lil bro.”

“... Ok..” Jamie took off his once pristine, ivory shirt, which was now scuffed with dirt, grass stains, and, in some places, blood. Oh, it looked so much worse than it sounded... His brother’s chest was littered with bruises, big and small, some even seeming to overlap in places. Not to mention all the little cuts and gashes everywhere... How on earth did Jamie manage to walk home with all of that?!

“Jack! S-Seán! Henry!!!!” He cried for his brothers, his voice filled with worry. He wasn’t afraid his mother might come looking for what was wrong; She wasn’t home yet. The sounds of the others all getting up from their beds and such echoed through the house, as Chase was the first to come in the room, only to find Marvin hugging the horribly beaten and bruised kindergartener like he was about to die.

“J-JayJay?! W-What the crap happened to you?!” The 6 year-old cried, his eyes filling with tears as his older brothers came in and each took places- Henrik, calling emergency services, Seán, comforting Chase, and Jack, trying to get Marvin off of Jameson. They all went quiet as Henrik finally got an answer from the operators.

“H-Hello?! P-Please, Ma’am, w-we- my- my baby bro, h-he needs-! N-No! He-He’s really really hurt!”

“N-No, I-I- He-He looks like someone t-took a-a huge pile of bricks and d-dumped them on him-!”

“... I-I... I’m 7.... H-His name’s Jameson... H-He’s 4...” Henrik’s voice broke as he mentioned Jameson’s age.

“Jackie... I... I’m getting dizzy...” Jameson whimpered.

“J-James-! S-Stick with us!” Jackie cried, catching the poor child as he collapsed a little.

“P-Please! Send them, quick! He- He’s getting really pale!” Henrik sobbed. The operator’s was voice raised to be detectable to the others now, though, it was severely muffled.

Henrik was breaking down now, tears spilling from his eyes in mass rivers as he begged the operator to send the ambulance.

“N-N-No! M-Mom can’t know!” He sobbed. The operator sounded confused, but he responded quickly.

“B-Because she’ll yell and scream and Jameson for not- not shutting up and de-dealing with the pain..!” Henrik’s voice was shaking and squeaking constantly, as he choked his words through his constant, terrified sobbing. The operator went quiet for a moment, but then she seemed to start trying to get Henrik to stay calm.

“... T-There’s more than just m-me and him, yeah...”

“... S-Six, there’s s-six of us... Y-Yes, we’re all here... p-please... tell them to hurry...”

“H-Henny..?” Marvin whimpered, wanting to go to his other brother, but also knowing Jameson needed more than just Jackie there.

“... O-Okay... G-Guys, s-she says to k-k-keep James awake!”

“O-Oh, no, Ja-Jamie, darling, stay with us..!” Marvin immediately turned to Jameson, whose eyes were half-shut.

Jamie groaned quietly “mmmm... b’... m’tired..”

“J-Jamie, please! T-The person who sent help says you c-can’t sleep!” He cried.

“J-James, p-please, stay a-awake for me, ‘kay?” Jack begged, jostling the much smaller boy a bit. “I-I-If you have to, d-don’t stop talking, o-okay?”

“okay... Mavvy... w-where... where’s mommy..?”

“M-Momma’s at work, Jamie..”

Chase and Seán finally ran over to them, helping them keep Jameson awake, and getting Henrik to join the group as well. They all sat down in a little cluster, with jameson held up in the middle.

“... S-Speaker...? H-How do I put it on..? O-Oh, okay...” Henrik asked the operator, but she answered before he finished.

“... Jameson, honey, can you hear me?” A woman’s voice came through the phone.

“Y-Yeah..?”

“There’s help on the way to come save you, okay, sweetie? It’s gonna be okay.”

“... Okay...”

“Don’t fall asleep, alright? I know it’s tempting, but right now you have to stay awake, no matter what happens.”

“... I won’t...”

“Good.”

It was quiet for a few seconds.

“... Can you tell me about why your mom would yell at you, sweetie..?”

“... Mamma doesn’t like it when we tell her we’re hurt... she’s not very nice to us, either...”

“... I see... Has she ever hurt you, sweetie?”

“... Mm-hm... She gets really dizzy and really angry whenever she drinks at night... Sometimes she does it in the mornings too...”

“J-Jamie...” Marvin started.

“Marvin knows what I’m talking about, too...”

“... Does she hurt all of you..?”

“... Mom prefers to take most of it out on Jameson... She sometimes goes after the rest of us, too, though...” Seán explained.

“... Have you interfered before..?”

“... Mommy throws them when they tell her to leave me alone... Last time it happened, Mavvy got a coh-cushin...”

“... Oh, dear... Does anyone else know about this, sweetie..?”

“... No... Mamma’s a good liar...”

“Alright... How are you doing? The doctors say they’re almost there.”

“... It... hurts...”

“I know, sweetie... What exactly happened to you..?”

“... The mean kids from the 4th grade class attacked me while I was walking home...”

“Were you alone?”

“Mmhm... None of the others go to the same school as me... momma has to work...”

“Why doesn’t your mother pick you up?”

“... jackie says she can’t afford to have us all and not work all day...”

“Oh... I see. Do... Do these kids attack you every day?”

“... yes.”

“What?!”

“James?!”

“...”

Everyone gasped in astonishment aside from the operator and Marvin, since Marvin was the only one Jamie told about these things.

“... Did you tell the teachers?”

“... no... they told me the teachers can’t do anything ‘cus it happens outside of school...”

“How far do you walk from school to home?”

“Two miles...”

“That far?! Oh, dear...”

The comforting sound of ambulance sirens rushed to their ears, and Chase and Henrik started crying again. The next few minutes were a blurry mess. The paramedics all ran into the house, with Seán running out to guide them to the wounded boy, and helping put him onto the stretcher. They rushed Jamie out of the house, and Marvin, Henrik and Chase all followed, begging to come with him.

They were allowed to go, thankfully, and got into the back of the ambulance with the paramedics and their baby brother. Even as the doors shut, and the ambulance started zipping down the road, the adults all scrambled to start trying to help Jamie.

“... How much is this gonna cost mom..?” He asked.

“... Hopefully nothing...” One of them responded.

“... Okay...”

The ride was scary from then on, dragging on endlessly, as Chase and Henrik clung hopelessly to Marvin. He was struggling not to cry, too.

They arrived. Jamie was rushed to the ER, but Marvin and the other two had to wait outside with a nurse watching them. Another nurse came by and exchanged concerns with the one helping watch them, and they kept looking at the three of them worriedly. The second nurse went back to where she was, and the first sat down next to them.

“Are you boys alright..? I just heard what your brother said about your mom..”

“... We’re.. not injured right now, if that’s what you’re wondering...” Marvin responded flatly.

“How old are you three?”

“I’m 10, Henrik is almost 8, and Chase is 6...”

“... Oh, you poor babies...”

“... I know, I’ve heard it... I’ve been here a couple times myself...”

“You must be Marvin, then, right?”

“... Yeah. The one that got thrown.”

“You should get some rest, little ones... You’ve had a long day.”

“Will do, Nurse..” Marvin said, as Chase nodded and leaned against Marvin. Henrik fell asleep leaning on his other side, though, he ended up falling over onto his lap. Marvin didn’t take long to go to sleep, either, since he’d lost a fair bit of energy over what happened, too.

... Those boys were gonna have hell to pay for this.

#WritersofJack #jse writing community #jacksepticeye #marvin the magnificent #jameson jackson #tw: violence #tw: abuse #tw: angst #tw: bullying #Darkness and Desperation #DaD!Marvin #DaD!Jamie #DaD!Chase #DaD!Henrik #DaD!Jackie #DaD!Seán #character alignment swap au

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ugh-supersoldiers · 6 years

Text

Under Oath - Part Two

Under Oath Masterlist

Characters: Bucky x reader, Steve Rogers (mentioned), Tony Stark (mentioned)

Summary: The people called for justice, the state answered. The trial of State v. Barnes is set to begin, and the odds are most certainly not in favor of the not so beloved ex Winter Soldier. That’s where you come in, the quick, smart, and all too brave lawyer set on defending and saving one Bucky Barnes from legal prosecution. The only problem? He’s not so sure he’s worth saving at all.

Warnings: Swearing, allusions to self harm (seriously just an allusion, but if this triggers you please don’t read), Bucky sort of being an asshole, guilt ridden!Bucky once again sorry, slow burn

Words: 2009

A/N: Second paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaart yaaaalllll!!!!!!! I’m so excited to see how this fic takes off! It’s by far the most effort I’ve put into writing anything and I’m enjoying it so effing much you guys I can’t even. Anyway as always please please please REBLOG THIS AND LEAVE ME FEEDBACK. It helps so much and I love hearing from you <3

Bucky hated sitting for too long. It made him anxious.

He’d been sitting firmly on his ass for a good hour after you had left to work out whatever it was that needed legal “working out”.

You’d said it would only take a few minutes, and Bucky was not in a patient enough mood to let this one slide.

He’d been left to his own devices after Steve had followed Tony out the door, no doubt going to express his distaste for the entire situation.

Well, Bucky wasn’t too pleased either.

Steve had assured him of many things before he’d chased Stark down. He said that he’d testify on Bucky’s behalf, that he would ensure Bucky would never had to take the stand himself. Bucky wouldn’t admit it, but he was as grateful as anything that he wouldn’t have to testify. The idea made him sick to his stomach.

And yet, wasn’t the impending trial that bothered him the most, or the fact that he’d been granted the one attorney who seemingly refused to give up. It was the fact that it had taken the world this long to get his ass into this mess.

Surely people hated him. They must! How could they not?

The Winter Soldier had been credited with hundreds of assassinations over his lifetime, so why the hell did they just detain him now? It only proved to him just how cruel the world truly was.

Seemingly, the universe had watched and waited for him to get just about as settled and content as he had been since the day he left for war seventy years ago, only to rip the rug out from under his feet and watch him hit the floor in a violent crash.

He ran a nervous hand through his hair, tugging at the strands in pure distress. This was hell in its purest and most torturous form he decided, because he knew that he deserved this punishment.

He glanced at the clock that hung on the wall dead ahead of him. He’d stared at it for a good while earlier, but got tired of it after about the tenth or so minute. The second hand was broken, constantly bouncing in between six and seven. It would touch six, fly up to seven, and descend down again only to repeat the very same cycle over and over and over again.

Bucky hated that stupid fucking clock.

Just as he was certain he was going to punch his fist through the clock’s face in an attempt to displace his apathy, he heard the door open.

His anger subsided for a moment, expecting to see Steve walk back in the door with some story about how Stark did something that got on his nerves in an effort to get Bucky’s mind off of the current situation.

Steve did that often, he thought distractions made Bucky’s thoughts quieter. They didn’t, but Bucky liked the way the lines in Steve’s forehead went away when he pretended to be completely enamored with whatever was brought to the table in an effort to distract him.

But of course with Bucky’s luck, it wasn’t Steve who came through the door; it was you.

“Fuckin’ great.” Bucky mumbled under his breath as he saw you from his peripheral.

You heard this of course, but didn’t acknowledge it.

“I’m sorry that took so long,” You said, “It seems there was a brief misunderstanding between myself and-”

“Yeah, that’s great. Can you just tell me what it is you want from me?”

Bucky tore his eyes away from the clock finally to look at your face. He watched your mouth settle into a hard line. It wasn’t quite a frown, but it was getting there.

“Am I allowed to finish, Mr. Barnes?”

The tone of your voice caught Bucky off guard. You’d certainly been direct earlier, but this was more of a command than a question. Bucky merely huffed it reply.

He hated that he was being so rude to you, he really did, but he didn’t know what the hell else to do. He was ruining your career with every passing second and he hated himself more than he already did for it.

“The misunderstanding on my part was that I assumed you would be tried under the state of New York,” You said, grabbing a chair that lay strewn over in the corner of the room and sitting in it facing him, “But it will be Virginia law instead due to the events just before the fall of Hydra.”

“And that took you an hour to figure out?” He asked.

“No, Mr. Barnes, it most certainly didn’t take me an hour to figure out that a different state would be prosecuting you.” You said, a smile small on your lips as you placed the ever present file you’d been carrying around on your lap.

Now Bucky was slightly annoyed. He was being an absolute dick to you and you were being so understanding with him. Not a frown, or even a lip twitch in a downward direction was evident on your face. He felt like a child throwing a tantrum but getting no attention in return.

“What’s so enticing about Virginia then, Ms. (Y/L/N)?”

“New York officially revoked any and all types of capital punishment from its legislation in 2007,” You explained, “Virginia still has that in place. What took me an hour to figure out was how to get the death penalty off the table.”

His eyes narrowed as he attempted to cover up his shock, “And why the hell would you do that, dollface?”

In his lifetime, Bucky Barnes had used a variety of different pet names when speaking to a woman, but this time it was far from affectionate.

“That’s easy,” You said, “ Because you don’t deserve to die.”

Bucky couldn’t help the snort that came out of his mouth. How in the world could you believe that? Why would you spend so much time and effort trying to ensure that the Winter Soldier didn’t end up on a table with a lethal cocktail running through his veins speeding straight to his heart.

“There’s a catch, however.”

He almost detected a faint hesitation in your voice as you spoke. Almost.

“Well, don’t leave me hangin’.” He taunted.

“I made sure you wouldn’t rot for years in prison while you wait for Virginia to off you,” You breathed, sinking in the chair as if the words you held in your mouth weighed you further down into the seat, “...But in return, you have to provide a testimony.”

His jaw clenched tightly, so tightly that he felt pain radiate upwards through his mandible until it became so intense that he worried he might break a tooth. His right palm was getting clammier by the second as his breathing became quicker.

The loud thump of his heart hammering in his chest cued him in to the fact that he was in serious danger of another panic attack.

Stop, he reasoned with himself, fucking stop...

His knee bounced feverishly as the silence that enveloped the two of you now settled uncomfortably in the air. He planted his foot to stop the movement, and promptly reached his hand over to his thigh, pressing his pointer finger and thumb into a hard pinch on the flesh.

This was a less than savory method of calming an attack, but the pain was distracting enough that he had to focus on it. The therapist that Bucky was mandated to see every week said that self harm - in even its most mild forms - was never a beneficial way to reduce panic but Bucky Barnes wasn’t a man concerned with process; he was a man concerned with the end result. Besides, he’d done much worse to himself over the years than an almost harmless pinch.

“Mr. Barnes?”

Bucky heard your voice, but he was somewhere else entirely. He closed his eyes and sucked in a breath that he knew came out far too shaky to be viewed as normal by any measure.

He pinched harder, surely bruising the skin beneath the leg of his pants but it was working. He could feel his heart gradually slow, the pounding in his ears being replaced by the godawful ticking of that stupid fucking clock.

He didn’t think he’d ever be grateful to hear that again.

“Would you like a glass of water, Mr. Barnes?”

When Bucky opened his eyes again to see you right in front of him, kneeling.

He saw it just for a moment before it disappeared, but he swore he saw genuine concern in your eyes before it flickered into nothing when he opened his mouth.

“Call me Bucky, for fucks sake.”

“Glad to see you’re alright.” You sighed, dropping your gaze and standing up and brushing off your skirt before returning to your chair.

As he watched you walk to the other side of the room, he became uncomfortably aware of how far away you were from him. A longing for closer proximity licked at his nerves and then, like a wave it disappeared into murky water almost as quickly as it appeared.

You placed the file that had been rested on your seat back on your lap before you opened it and aimlessly flipped through the endless paper that was held inside. Bucky knew you weren’t reading any of it.

“I’m sorry to pressure you,” You breathed, avoiding eye contact and remaining firmly cast towards the file, “But I need to give the DA an answer as soon as possible.”

Just as Bucky took another ragged breath, it hit him.

He needed to take the stand.

“I’ll do it.” He croaked, making your head snap up quickly.

He knew he’d shocked you with his answer. He’d given you every reason to believe that he would want the possibility of punishment to the full extent of the law. He’d lead you to believe that he wanted to give up, so why would he go through the hell of testifying to secure the exact opposite of what he wanted?

Bucky could see your eyes flickering back and forth between his, searching for an answer that he gave no tell to. He’d been trained to be unreadable, after all.

He was certain you were concocting some sort of version of events in that head of yours. How could you not be? Everything you’d said and done so far had radiated impressive intuition.

Was it Steve? Bucky imagined you’d think it was the thought of Steve that changed his mind. Or maybe he’d changed his own mind? Perhaps you were convinced that Bucky’d done a complete 180 and, when faced with his own mortality, chose to give it a fighting chance.

Neither of these theories, although commendable, were the true reason of course.

The true reason was that death would be mindless and simple. If there was one thing in this world Bucky knew he didn’t deserve, it was the easy way out. He deserved to sit in that cell and rot, tortured day and night by the images of what he’d done.

He saw your mouth open, then shut in tandem with the manila file in your hands. You nodded, a small but triumphant smile graced your lips. You were probably thinking that you’d somehow won the prominant pissing match the two of you had seemingly been engaged in. You had played right into Bucky’s winning hand.

Bucky’s eyes wandered yet again to the clock on the wall in front of him as he heard the opening door and the clicking of your heels against the hardwood flooring outside as they slowly reduced in volume until the door clicked closed again.

He stared at the face of clock that he’d hated so dearly earlier, he listened to the ticking that he’d once sworn would drive anyone mad and tried to find that same feeling of dissonance that he’d been so content in before, but he failed. The ticking now sourced a certain comfort that left a bittersweet taste on his tongue.

He couldn’t help but notice as he stared at the clock that the second hand that had once been stuck between six and seven had now moved onto eight and nine.

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fly-sky-high-09 · 6 years

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Do do do, vague vent

I don't really like when I have to react violently to someone already kind of acting violent (for, personally, dumb reasons). I made sure I ask kindly and explain the reason why it bothers me but it's completely dismissed and winning a fucking match in overwatch is far more important, apparently.

I just want to be in my room and relax on my bed. I don't mind having someone else around but I do want to have my corner of peace and silence. Sadly, as we moved the pc on my desk which is across my bed, I have to remove myself from the room (into the kitchen by the dining table...) so I could actually get some of that peace. The problem is that I HATE sitting here (I'm in the kitchen even as I type this). I DON'T want to go outside to look for silence or solitude, I want to have this at home.

It's honestly not as bad as I make it sound because no one is personally bugging me, I just miss having a comfy place to isolate myself. The only time I have this is when by chance no one is home and that happens never, really. Not as much as before.

I have to suck it in and wait until bro moves out. Which is going to take awhile I guess. But even then, dad will watch tv or play on pc in our room cus mom occupies the living room and it's tv. But at least dad won't rage violently on things he does for fun...

I'm starting to think this might be a reason why I'm constantly losing motivation to draw while at home, even tasks for school.

I'm not having the best day, really. At least I'm going to opticians for a checkup and to buy new glasses. It's raining, I have to go to the bank but... At least I got that. And when I get home I'll... Put on the headphones and listen to TAZ again. They always keep me occupied, I'm really REALLY thankful this podcast is a thing.

#personal crud #it's been awhile huh

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shinmegamitensei2 · 6 years

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i was gonna sleep cus i’m tired as shit but then my brain started blaring some thoughts in my head so now i can’t sleep, so now you guys get to hear me ramble angrily about privilege and intersections of it on my blog instead

warning: this is extremely long and at points starts to sound like “pwease weave the poow twans men awone we did nofing wrong uwu” but i promise there’s a point somewhere in here about how we gotta start thinking about what we say has consequences

just... i get so angry when privilege is conflated to “if you have it, you have every single facet of it and you always benefit from it” when that’s really not the case at all, and to treat privilege as a single card that is separate from, and consequently unaffected by personal experience, other VISIBLE aspects of identity and individuality, and so forth is a really flawed way of thinking

the way i see most people explain or treat privilege is whether you have, say, a “privilege card” and the more you accumulate, the more privileged you are and thus the more benefits society offers you as a result of your status over another person (say, a white cis straight man is far more privileged than a black trans gay woman)

this is it, a simplification of privilege, easily digestible and easy enough to regurgitate to other people to get them to understand on an elementary level what it means to have privilege - when you have it, you have benefits over another person because society deems you better than another person

but then the conversation stops there. it stops, and this simplification becomes a hard and fast rule rather than the beginning of an educational moment, and suddenly we have concepts such as self-determination of your identity means you can gain and drop privileges as you change and determine WITHIN YOURSELF who you are, rather than what society deems you as

and therein lies the problem: how do you gain or lose privilege? how does the concept of passing privilege factor into all this? what does it mean to pass, or to not pass, and can privilege be bargained, can it only be half-gained or half-lost, can it change on a whim?

the only times i ever see this brought up, it’s by some asshat who’s got some shitty opinions or is trying to defend the privileged group wherein exchanges of power usually do not happen on the level i’m trying to discuss (re: race and a white person whose family is predominantly european-white, although there is a lot to be said about someone who is white but also comes from a mixed family and the way that privilege can also be bartered based on perceived appearance versus the reality) but what i really want to look into, specifically, is the bartering of privilege gained and lost through identification as trans, nonbinary, or another gender unrecognized by mainstream society

because, like... it’s here, i feel like, where passing privilege becomes its most prominent (as well as sexuality and the culture surrounding it that has crafted a persona, either influenced by or influencing [or both!!] by homophobic caricatures of the past and present) and where we need to start having discussions, serious discussions, about how one passes not only affects their privilege, but also that we cannot and should not treat people specifically based on what privileges or disprivileges we believe they should be experiencing in their day-to-day lives, because... it doesn’t work that way

there’s such a monumental difference between people at different stages of passing, and what information they have about them that is on the internet, or among their friends and family, or to their bosses and coworkers or if it gets leaked in ways they didn’t intend or want people to see or know

i AM going to use trans men in this example, being one myself, because i don’t intend to try and explain anything using experiences that don’t belong to myself so as to not misrepresent anyone, so i apologize that this comes off as being really whiny and “wahhh stop treating transmasc ppl badly” because a whole lot of trans masc and trans men adopt misogyny and absorb toxic masculinity in an attempt to become masculine, in a world where manliness is often defined by how much you can reject femininity and the constant attempts to redefine masculinity in a way that doesn’t allow male predators to adopt it solely to hurt women I’M GOING ON A TANGENT ANYWAY

there was a point i wanted to make here, and it was specifically on the idea that, like... you cannot ever, possibly, expect a trans man who is completely untransitioned and is seen, societally, as a woman, to own any amount of male privilege that makes any real difference where it matters aside from an online community wherein anonymity is valued, but also in said community where that information (that they are trans, whether or not they mention they are untransitioned) may be open and ENCOURAGED to be posted online for the sake of engaging in these conversations in the first place

as opposed to a trans man who is fully transitioned, has spent several years being accepted as a man, having absorbed ideas about masculinity that may make him indistinguishable from other men and nobody questions his status as a man, and all of this is STILL contingent on the fact that nobody knows or SHOULD know that he is trans, as once that information comes out on a platform where people feel empowered to challenge him (not only including the internet, but in real life, where it is common and encouraged for men to engage in violence, especially where bigotry is concerned)

as opposed to any trans men who may be in between, too! a man who is taking T, whose voice is changing over time and where his neighbors may catch onto what’s going on and grow suspicious; a man who takes strides to act masculine where he can, but who is stifled in an environment where he could be abused or killed purely on account of transphobia; a man who does not WANT to take the steps required for society to fully “recognize” him as a man, and so may never be able to fully participate in presenting the way he wants

this is all transphobia, full stop. not transmisandry or whatever weirdo terms ppl are coming up with these days, but there is a lot to be said in how transness AFFECTS male privilege, and how that male privilege may be adopted, absorbed, and enacted depending on the way that society recognizes men, maleness and masculinity

trans masculinity, and the state of being a trans man, is not an experience shared by every trans man. trans men are not all the same - some are trans nonbinary men, some transition, some do not, some adopt abusive techniques and toxicity that comes built into the system that tells us what being a man is and what being a woman is (although i could also argue that in a lot of ways, to be recognized as a man without having homophobia and transphobia and misogyny thrown at you constantly is to HAVE to participate in these systems, but alas)

there is a wide variety of difference in all of these people, and how they are recognized on a widescale manner that makes any shred of difference outside of this website - which begs another question! where does privilege travel? can it disappear or appear depending on where you are? where you go? can you have privilege on tumblr, but then have it vanish when you leave this website?

there’s a distortion, a way we talk about privilege and the privileged folk, that makes it so damn difficult to discuss the finer and more important details about privilege, intersection, and how privilege is not the same for everyone. it CANNOT be the same for everyone, because passing privilege is not yet another token given to people just to show that they have it! and privilege is not a set of cards and coins that come separately and totally irrelevant of each other!

a trans man is pelted by misogyny, homophobia, as well as transphobia when he does not pass. just as cis men are pelted with these ideas, so too are trans men. and yes, they are misguided. they hurt women and gay people more than they hurt men and straight people, this much should be obvious to anyone. but these things - they are STILL internalized, and how they are internalized changes depending on who is on the receiving end, and in many ways these things are markers and indicators of how to and how not to act for men

i wanted to keep going on about this point and i think i have more to say but my end point with all this is just that privilege changes power depending on where you are, who you are, and on a moment’s notice depending on what information people have a hold of, and i know i did a not-great job of explaining this but also i’m just venting so whatever

another thought occurred to me, about something i was thinking about earlier today, and it’s about how we talk about this concept, and how we approach privilege and privileged people and people whose privilege may variably change

obviously tumblr’s a bad place to be. it’s polarizing, because a lot of people use it as a place to vent, and there’s a lot of gross and nasty people here (including highly-privileged folk and fucking neo-nazis for fuck’s sake) and having long and meaningful conversations here is pointless because it’s drowned out by the obsession and need for having notes yet lacking a cohesive way to spread posts and all proper additions to that post without someone losing some form of context along the way

(that fucking, pewdiepiekin post goin around is one such example, since it’s apparently a joke that OP has but everyone’s treating it as fact, and like obviously it’s hard to tell sarcasm on this website given how much weird shit we’ve seen, but also that it’s FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE to correct such a misunderstanding BECAUSE of the very nature of tumblr itself, go figure)

but that’s also why i think we gotta have this conversation, this like... talk that we can’t keep talking about shit the way we have been, especially in regards to social justice and conceptualizing it for the younger kids who USE this website, and like... we just gotta have a different way of approaching things now, because the more i watch idle chats where people gleefully and openly post screenshots of others making fun of them for minor shit or momentary fuck-ups that could be easily ignored because the person is still learning (ESPECIALLY IF THEY’RE LIKE 14) and otherwise give themselves a free pass to become openly vicious and in the name of coping or to share amongst their friends how pathetic they view some people

like ok not to be a liberal and i’d rather not be classified as such because i don’t lick the boots of the privileged or pull any of that devil’s advocate shit but this extremely hostile environment we’ve cultivated and continually defend because we think this website creates ANY sort of meaningful difference in the world and anything we do on this website has any sort of meaningful impact that is beneficial to us while also openly encouraging behaviors that mitigate and deny growth and learning from mistakes is honestly kind of fucking scary

this is in no way saying giving a pass or go on behavior that directly spreads violence like saying slurs and whatnot, but we’re also so, so very fucking vicious, and at some point, no matter what reason you have for saying what you do, the consequence is that your words and intents get hijacked and used out of context in a manner that forms high hostility in the first place

and it’s so, so hard to talk about here too, without going “well if you hate men hurr durr it’s ur fault everything on this site sucks don’t openly say you hate your oppressors hurr durr!” like that’s such an easy trap to fall into but i don’t believe that either, even if i’ve grown distasteful of openly expressing “i hate cis men” (because they terrify me and could murder me at a moment’s notice, both for thinking i’m a woman and for finding out i am trans) or “i hate straight people” (because they fetishize my gayness and shit!) and etc

i’ve got so many reasons why i could express those thoughts, but should i do it, and on a regular basis, consequences follow. consequences that destroy my cultivated and intended reputation as someone who is open and friendly and kind, because it is difficult to really PROVE that to someone who may be on the fence from allowing themself to be deprogrammed from societal teachings and ingrained and taught transphobia and homophobia and misogyny and racism and so on so forth

and i know not everyone is like that. not everyone WANTS to teach and to provide the resources for that and to help deprogram people. most people just want to vent, most people want to escape from the daily abuse and fear and vent their frustrations. i get that. but then where do we go from there, when we have such an absolute volume of people doing and saying this exact thing, in such a degree that such a climate becomes normal to be reactionary and to react to any level of ignorance with anger, no matter who it comes from?

i’m being so, so vague here, and i really do not want it to come off as protection of the poor soft privileged or what the fuck ever, i genuinely do not. i guess i’m just describing a time in my life where i was like that, where i openly enjoyed mocking people that i thought were beyond reprieve and “saving” and getting into fights and it was such a nasty attitude to be in because it led to me throwing people out of my life, throwing caution to the wind, destroying my reputation online and getting put on places like r/tumblrinaction and potentially k.i/.w/i./f./a/./r./.m//s for my actions

living that way endangered me, and not just because of who i am. living that way destroyed me, and it destroyed my way of thinking, too. it destroyed my moral system, it encouraged me to dehumanize others. it encouraged me to find new ways to rationalize violence as a way of “vengeance” and “retribution” for the damages society dealt me, as if that was any rational and correct way of approaching this situation

anger has its place. anger has its place in destroying the system we have now and rebuilding a new one. but we need to understand that our actions, no matter how justified, still have consequences, sometimes extremely unintended, and even unwarranted that we didn’t deserve, and just... i dunno

there is no easy solution to this. i don’t believe we’ll get anywhere by being nice to everyone all the time, just as much as i don’t believe we’ll get anywhere by developing such a community-wide but aimless anger that we develop as hostile an environment as we have on this website

i don’t know what we need, but it can’t be this

#vent #this is way too long and you probably shouldn't read it #and please absolutely do not rb it i would very much appreciate that #it's a bunch of thoughts i wanted to throw out there and it's not coherent #nor is it a blatant and exact statement of my ideologies #tons of it is vague even because i just do not want to stick to my guns and say something stupid #and like have all my friends turn on me and tell me how i'm no different from the people i'm rambling about #i dunno. this website has that effect on me now i guess #i know that's a broad reaching term too to be like 'fucking tumblr LOL sjws'#but... yeah everything i fucking put out here scares the shit out of me so thanks

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blackmilshake · 7 years

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Not about her || H. Styles imagine

"Harry, you are never home, you don't answer my calls, you are always late to every event we have together. And now you are asking me to move out? It's like you are giving up on us." It sounded like a fight between to people on a relationship and that left Harry speechless. Hearing the girl in front of him pour her heart out for him, crying, sobbing even, a side of her he hadn't seen before. He didn't even understand how he was in this position. He thought it was very clear for the two of them that this meant nothing, he was trying to help her through her though time, bringing her home for a couple of weeks and giving her a shoulder to cry on. Somewhere along the way she had started to get strong feelings for him. Who wouldn't. But he was just being nice, and always let her know that. He had been trapped between her sad state of mind and his willing to make her feel better. They weren't even dating, he never thought he was in a relationship. But now she was asking him things that he didn't want to do with her like going on dates and spending the night together, do things that only couples did, things that he only wanted to do with someone else. You. You and him were always very close since the day you met each other, sparkles flew and everything was happiness every time you two were together. You really like him but you didn't know he felt exactly the same way because he was always with that girl, she was constantly calling him to go back home, making him bring her to wherever he was, so you assumed she was his girlfriend or some sort of that. Even though he always referred to her as a friend. But he had tried to defend his case and explain you why she was living with him as soon as he noticed your mood shifting whenever he talked to her on the phone, but you wouldn't let him. After all you were just friends and you didn't want to end up looking as a nosy person. When you had learnt that she lived with him you distanced yourself from him, you didn't want to end up being hurt, or being the one that got in the way of a relationship. He noticed your change, how you didn't reply his messages as often, how you would always make up an excuse whenever he offered to see you or didn't answer his calls or morning/ evening texts. He even tried visiting you in your job place but you basically kicked him out in the nicest way someone can be kicked out. And it was killing him. He hadn't noticed how important part of his life you had become until now, that you had rejected yet other night out. So he talked to his mom, after all he was helping the daughter of one of Anne's closest friends, but it was becoming too much. Anne herself didn't know what to do, calling her friend and telling her that Harry couldn't take care of her daughter in his house any longer was not an easy thing to do. So the two of them offered her a brand new flat near his house, in case she needed something as an emergency in the city that was new to her. He misses his privacy, it was the only time he could be in his house alone before the tour started, or at least he had wanted that time with you. "Amanda, I'm not giving up our friendship, it's just I need privacy, tour is about to start and I am really gonna miss being by myself." "BUT THAT IS A LIE! You just want to spend time with that cu*t you are always talking about." "Please, be more respectful, she has a name." "I don't care. And fine I'll just go, so you can fuck that little bitch." Harry had to close his eyes, trying to ignore the feeling he got when she was calling you names. That's what you get when you act too nice towards people he thought. And once Amanda was out of his house the first thing he did was to call you, but then again, you didn't answer. However that didn't stopped him from going to your house. He felt as every single second away from you was a second gone to trash. He knocked on your door nervously, feeling his palms sweaty in the flowers he had brought you- your favorites. You had just gotten from work, complete exhausted, with no makeup on, just your pijamas and loose ponytail. "Harry?" But he was just staring back at you, completely taken aback from how beautiful you looked in such a natural state. To his eyes, you just couldn't get more perfect. "Harry, are you ok?" The only thing he could do was nod and hand you the flowers. And watch you smile at them. He had remembered. "Want to come in?" He nodded again and you just laughed. "You look funny, are you sure you feel ok?" "You are just so beautiful." He had finally spoke, leaving you speechless this time, just blushing at his intense gaze. "Thank you. Do you want some tea?" "That would be nice, but let me help you." You too walked to your kitchen. You put the flowers in water and started hitting up the water for the tea. He chose the tea and picked the cups. Everything was and enjoyable silence for you, but it was killing him, the thoughts running on his mind. As you served the tea in his cup you noticed how his hands were shaking slightly and how there was a glimpse of sweat in his forehead. "Sugar?" "Yes, please." "Brown or white?" You already knew the answer but liked the sound of his voice. You wanted him to talk all night. "Brown would be nice." And it was silence again. He started to move his leg up and down and he was also bitting his lip, an habit of his whenever he was nervous. "I enjoy having you here but I'm guessing this is not the tea the reason you came for." He gulped hard, almost choking. He came back to you for a reason, of course. It was now or never. "I like you, I really do like you. Gosh, so much that I hate that you think that there's something between Amanda and I, we are only friends, I was helping her, she wanted to move here because she had an abusive boyfriend back in her city. There's nothing between us. And I... I am risking it all by telling you this, cause i don't even know if you like me back and..." His voice lowered and quickened as his rant kept on as his insecurities surfaced. You had the power to make him feel so nervous yet so tranquil. It was confusing. All of this was new to him. Yes he had had girlfriends before but this was the first time he felt something so powerful towards someone and the thought of it not being corresponded drove him to the edge. "I like you too." You said, louder than him, nervous too. Both of you felt your hearts racing up and a sweet weird feeling in your stomachs. So this is what people always talk about. He had thought. And he couldn't stop himself, he took your face in his hands, his face following the route his eyes had made, leaning closer to your lips, putting a loose strand of hair in your ear. And he was so close you could almost hear his heartbeat, his scent almost becoming yours. But just before your lips could touch he muttered an "can I kiss you?" You felt your knees even weaker. He was always so respectful. You could only nod. You could almost feel the fireworks exploding in your chest, the electricity flowing in your veins. The need of air was the only thing capable of separating the two of you. And you could've sworn you had never seen a smile so huge on his face, nor his eyes as green as now. He was an angel. "Do you want to be my girlfriend?" "Would you take a no?" "Of course not." "Then yes." ------- Hope you enjoy it, sorry for any mistakes. I take requests ♥️

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thebest-medicine · 7 years

Text

Human Behaviors

submitted by anonymoose:

A/N: Hey! So I’m back after all these years submitting another fic. I don’t even know if this pairing is popular but I was craving a Darcy/Loki story and there is nothing out there so I wrote one myself, let me know if you guys like it! ~ Anonymoose <3

‘Lohoki stop’ Loki glanced down at her as she lent against him. He was completely confused.

‘Stop what my love’

Darcy blushed slightly and focused on the TV. She had a sort of idea that Loki was unknown to some human behaviours, and she wasnt about to reveal this one to him just in case. Instead she adjusted her position as if uncomfortable and layed on him in silence.

A few more minutes passed and it happened again. It took every ounce in Darcy not to squirm or make a sound, the most torturous of tasks. Absent-mindedly, the Asgardian was lazily drawing patterns on the younger woman’s side, lightly scraping his nails on her soft midriff where her top had risen upward. She scrunched her feet and even bit the inside of her mouth while he unknowingly tore her apart from the inside out. As the show went on at a painstaking slow rate, Darcy wasn’t paying attention at all and solely focusing on not breaking her nonchalant facade. His fingers played with the fabric of her fitting t-shirt and danced beneath it slowly, and trickled back down towards the seam of her trousers where they followed the curve of the jean edge to right beneath her belly button. It was driving her completely wild, and she couldn’t help but muffle a giggle. Loki caught it, of course.

‘Something funny come to mind?’

His hand never ceased. Just responding to his question was like going to the next level on a game - so much harder.

‘Noho… no it nothing’

Loki looked suspicious of this. His hand stopped for a moment. She could finally breathe.

‘You’ve been acting peculiar since we sat down’ his face was amused, but he had slight worry behind his eyes. ‘Let me into that mind of yours’

‘It really is nothing Loki, honestly the show is just funny’ it really wasn’t. It was a serious drama with very few jokes.

Loki was even more suspicious now. He didn’t question her, but did sit back with his eyes constantly looking down to her on his side.

They watched the show for a few more minutes, a strange silence between them. Loki looked from the TV at her figure resting on him, and saw her bare skin and his hand resting on top. Maybe it was something he was doing? More purposefully now, but not so abruptly it seemed planned, Loki began circling her side again. This time he felt her tense… but surely it wasn’t due to pain? With slight pressure, he dragged his finger from the top of the girl’s side to the bottom and watched her every move. Her nose scrunched, a hidden-not-so-hidden smile appeared on her face, her body tensed, and she even flinched as it slid down her. He was onto something now and he HAD to find out.

He didn’t know why but he was smiling. He was the god of mischief after all, and as much as he loved this woman he also wanted to know all her secrets she held.

A few moments passed, and the man, with greater speed and even more pressure, dragged his finger back up her side. This caused a big physical response much to Loki’s surprise. Darcy fully flinched away as if in pain, but instead of a wail she released a kind of yelp and a laugh. No pain on her facial expression, just a very red smiley face. She was looking at him in complete suspicion.

‘Loki you’re doing that on purpose’

‘Why do you react in that way?’ The way his voice had so much curiosity and genuine interest made the girl soften. ‘Are you in pain? But you laugh?’

Darcy wasn’t sure if he was doing this as an act or if he had really never heard of tickling. Either way she wasn’t happy this new information had come out about her, and knowing him too well he would research the ins and outs and use it against her at every instant. She would just have to suck it up.

She let out a very audible sigh. ‘Loki… have you heard of tickling?’

His look of confusion and the extended silence cued her to go on.

‘In humans- well maybe in all the realms too, I’m not a professor in this crap, i mean maybe it happens in Asgard too, but probably not if you’re this stumped-‘ she was rambling. ‘Well. Humans have this thing where… If you touch them in a certain way or a certain place… it makes them laugh a lot.’

She waited eagerly for a response, preferring him asking the questions rather than her awkwardly trying to explain it.

‘So… how I caressed your side like that, that was tickling?’ She cringed at the word ‘caressed’.

‘No. Well I mean yes, just like that but no as in it can be in many different places not just… there.’

She didn’t want to elaborate but she knew she had just fueled his fiery curiosity even more. He reached out to touch her side again but she slapped his hand away swiftly.

‘Hey! Noho you can’t just tickle me.’

‘I thought it was called… tickling, is it not?’ God it was like the English lesson from hell.

‘It is. Tickling and tickle are the same thing, then you have tickled which is the past tense, and ticklish which is where someone can be tickled.’

‘So not everyone is affected by the action?’

‘Yes.’

‘But you’re ticklish yes?’

This was her worst nightmare. ’Yes… I am.’

Loki looked her up and down; you could tell he was eager to explore this new information.

‘So where else is a person ticklish?’ He smirked.

‘I’m not telling you that!’ Darcy protested, which caused shock on the gods face. He wasn’t expecting that kind of defiance. He was like a little puppy being told no.

‘Why not? If it doesn’t hurt you and makes you laugh, surely its a good thing?’

‘It’s not specifically a bad thing, it’s just that…’ here we go. ‘I’m very ticklish. I don’t need any more people tickling me, Jane has already ambushed my personal bubble one too many times. I especially don’t need it from you, or there will be a truck full of tasers coming your way’ there was no malice in her voice, she almost sounded flirtatious and teasy. In Loki’s mind however, she was like his forbidden fruit, and begin edging towards her on the sofa. His eyes glinted with mischievousness, something Darcy knew very well. She edged back, Way back. In fact she got off the sofa.

‘No Loki.’

But he was already off the sofa. Darcy went to ran but she was no match, and Loki’s large spindly hands grasped her around the waist and pulled her towards him, making her squeal. His hands immediately begin repeating what they did last time, except now they were searching for her laughter, and both of them were in use.

‘NOOO Loki stohop-‘ She was still trying to hold in her laughter but this just fueled him more. This time he wriggled his fingers so his nails brushed her with every movement, and began sliding them upwards towards her ribs. He had to admit, her squirming was impressive. She was like a bucking horse and she was doing everything in her power to get away. However, as soon as she felt her back hit the wall and there was nowhere to escape, she knew it was the beginning of the end. His hands reached her lower ribs and this broke her completely.

‘Stohohop loki nooohoho! Nahahaha come on man-AH! NOhoho get OHOHff!’ As he got the mechanics if the system, he almost seemed like a natural. He dug his long fingers in between each rib and scratched the flesh at the base making her scream with laughter. She slid down the wall and Loki, obviously enjoying himself, slid down with her.

‘Enoughgh Loki-STOHOHOP HOLY MOTHER I can’t TAHAKE THIHIHIS Huhaha’

Loki had never seen her laugh so much in all the time they had been together, and this kind of power over her was making him silly. He was loving it.

‘You should have told me about this earlier..’ he caught eye of her stomach and smiled ‘I wonder what this does.’

His hands with a flash began prodding and scratching her tummy, vibrating around her bellybutton and even dipping into it. This changed her laughter completely.

‘I SWEAR TOHOHO HEHEHHE stop NOT THERE ÈEHEHEHE AHHEHEHEH’ She had become a loud giggling mess, and Loki found it completely adorable. He couldn’t help but tease her.

‘Who knew with just a touch of my finger I could completely ruin you’ his fingers dug into her midriff causing her to squeal even louder. ‘You know, I think I might do this all the time’

‘SHUHUHUT UHUHUP! hahahahAHANOT IF I HAHAHVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH I-EEK’ she was cut off by him clawing at her hipbones. He was laughing along with her finding this behavior undeniably amusing.

‘You kept this quiet the whole time, from a god no less, and think its okay for me to stop? I think I get to decide that’ he smirked with a shit eating grin. Her hair flopped all into her fiery cheeks, her glasses slipped off to the floor, and her laugh was so pure and contagious; it was Loki’s dream.

He pinched her sides and dodged her feeble attempts to push him away, and counter attacked her trying to roll over by wiggling his fingers at her neck.

‘LOHOHOKI I CAHAHANT BREAHEHETH plehehehease stohoHOHOHP MERCEHEHEHY!’ Finally the god felt some sympathy for the shaking woman beneath him and slowed his hands so they were just massaging her upper sides - it allowed her to breathe, but still tickled like crazy.

‘This is too much fun my love, we should do this every night’ he chuckled at her trying to scowl up at him but the smile plastered on her face gave the opposite.

‘Gehehet off me rihihight now or your slehehepin on the couch’ she spilled out in between high pitched giggles.

‘I don’t think you’re in any position to threaten me… say sorry and I’ll stop’ Darcy couldnt think of an eviler man.

‘Pihihis ohohofff!’ Loki cocked an eyebrow and suddenly dug his fingers back into the girls ribs and she screamed the roof off.

‘AHHHHH OHOHOKAY OHOHOKAY IM SOHOHOHORRY!! STOP!!’ and he did. She gasped and heaved for air but the smile on her face never vanished. When she opened her eyes she couldn’t be mad at him, for he was gleaming down at her matching her smile and nothing but pure admiration was in his eyes.

‘Yohohou know… I’m going to find out if Asgardians are just as ticklish’ she teased, poking his side and for a millisecond seeing him retract slightly away. His resolve was flawless however, and still grinned down at her.

‘Perhaps another night beautiful’ Darcy smiled up at him and yawned obviously exhausted. Then Loki leaned down and delicately kissed her rosy forehead.

#anonymoose #WELCOME BACK HELLO #ticklish!darcy #marvel tickling #submission #marvel #tickling #mcu #loki #darcy #tickle fic #fluff #human behaviors #yaaass thank you for the submission!

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shawnies-rihno-blog · 5 years

Text

Lie To Me

Part 2 of Ready For Me.

WC: 2.7k

Warnings: Little cussing, angstyyy, and brief mention of Camila.

A/n: I really hope you guys like this! Thank you for reading! x

you can read Ready For Me (part 1) in my Masterlist. (kind of necessary to read part one to understand part two).

------

D.R.E.A.M started blasting on the speaker, while I was pouring myself a drink. There were a lot of people here, honestly ‘a lot’ is the biggest understatement. Everyone from my class graduated yesterday, so my friends and I thought it would be a good idea to throw a party, but we clearly didn’t think this through.

There were more than a hundred people in this house for sure. At this point I didn’t even know where my friends were. I walk out the kitchen, trying to look for my friends. I come across Jackson, he briefly smiles at me, and then goes back talking to his friend.

Jackson and I decided we weren’t it and that we were better off as friends, shortly after my encounter with Shawn. Speaking of Shawn, we stopped talking after that night. It was hard, it still is, even though it’s been 3 years since we last spoke to each other.

Shawn was going places, he was still ‘dating’ Camila Cabello. I was happy for him, at least one of us was ‘dating’. I would call it fake dating, but something’s aren’t up to me. As for me, I didn't really date anyone after Shawn, I tried focusing on my studies more than boys.

I bump into someone as I am walking towards the patio, determined to find my friends -atleast one of them.

[MORE]

“Oh my- I’m sorry,”

“It’s oka- Y/n?!”

My eyes, do a double take.

“Oh My God,” I hugged him tightly.

“I haven’t seen you around for a while.” He says, pulling away.

“I know, the studies got really hard, so I started staying in. But more importantly, you didn’t even call me once.”

“Oh ya! I dropped my phone in the toilet, and it wasn't backed up with icloud and blah blah blah, so i lost a lot of numbers. You could've called me, you know.”

“Brian, you have changed your number so many times, that I've lost count, and I did try calling you, but it said your number wasn’t in use.”

“Hmm. Still. Also I was looking for you,”

“Wanna leave, it’s a little crowded for me,”

“Obviously, it’s not very you to be at this party!” he adds chuckling.

“Shut up! People change over time,” I reply, giving him a big smile. “Let me tell my friends, and then we can leave,” I continue.

“M’kay, I’ll be waiting for you outside.”

I head over to the patio, informing my friends that i’m leaving. I’m pretty sure they’d forget, since they all were shit faced drunk.

I head outside the house immediately seeing Brian and heading over to him. I hop inside his car, definitely noticing he got an upgrade.

“I see, you finally got an upgrade!” I say to him cockily, but lovingly.

“You know, you can really just suck ass sometimes.”

“But you still love me,”

“I know and that’s the bad part.”

“Heyyy!”

“Anyways, so y/n, how does it feel to finally be a Surgical Doctor,”

“You really had to add the surgical part right?!”

“You studied hard, you deserve it boo!” Brian replies with a wide smile on his face.

We head to a diner, and Brian orders food for the both of us, nailing my order. When the waiter walks away Brian gives me a tight lipped smile, to which I respond with a questioning glare.

“Can I ask you something,” Brian finally says.

“Ya obviously,”

“What happened between you and Shawn?”

“What- Nothi- Why would you ask that?” I say, tensing up.

“Cus’ both of you were obsessed with each other and now he doesn’t even talk about you. Weren’t you guys like best friends or something?” He questions, truly confused.

“Lol, I wish we were just best friends,” I say, emphasizing ‘just’.

I explain what happened, while Brian empathized for me. I didn’t want him too though, i was the one who called it quits, even though Shawn begged to stay. Maybe I should’ve stuck with whatever part of Shawn I got, because now I have none, and I feel empty as ever.

I never wanted to be the girl who got hung up on a guy. I had even promised myself not to do that, because my life was more than just a guy. But that guy was Shawn, he would get you wrapped around his finger, without even knowing. I hate being that girl. My dad always taught me to be more powerful than this. I hate myself for being wrapped around Shawn’s finger, but I hate myself more for not being a powerful woman like my dad taught me to be.

Brian drops me off at my apartment. He invited me to a party Shawn and he were throwing. I was reluctant at first, but I got my act together, knowing i have nothing to be afraid of. Brian promised me that he would make sure that I don't feel lonely, and I couldn't thank him more.

----

I had been standing outside of Shawn’s apartment for about five minutes now. My heart beating faster by the second, I’m still wondering why I didn’t have a heart attack or a stroke by now, even though the doctor in me was calling myself stupid for thinking I would get a heart attack due to a rapid heartbeat.

Calm down. You probably won’t even see him. There are a lot of people inside. You just have to pretend to be one on them and not y/n -who has a history with the owner of the apartment. He probably forgot me anyways -there wasn't much to remember anyways, right?!

I straighten my burgundy coloured dress -it’s a little short for me, but looking at other girls made me feel a little better about me. I finally gather the courage and grab the door handle twisting it, so the door opens. The muffled music that was previously filling my ears, is now a little too loud for my liking, but it’s a party.

I walk in, seeing people already shit faced drunk. It’s just 10:30, why are people this drunk already. I walk in a little further finally making it to the living room, definitely not forgetting judging a lot of people on the way.

Okay let’s stop with the judgments and let loose, that’s the point of coming here, anyways.

I walk towards the kitchen counter seeing Brian, immediately going over to him. He’s daring someone to do body shots. The guy looks young, pretty cute, not going to lie. I find out that his name is Connor. With Brian constantly yelling his name and calling him a wuss for not doing body shots, it’s easy to figure it out. Brian is completely wasted, and at one point he asks me to do body shots as well.

“C’mon why are ya’ll such babiesss,” Brian slurs.

“You out of all people know that i would never do body shots,” I yell over the loud music.

“Ugh, you and Connor are no funn.”

Brian spots are girl, asking her if he could do shots of her body, she agrees, i’m not sure if she’s drunk or if she’s out of her mind. Maybe both, you never know these days.

I shake my head at him, and tell him that i’m going to head outside to the patio. Brian asks me to watch his ‘magic’ but I brush him off by telling him that this is one of the most nastiest things in the world. With that I headed out to the patio, not thinking twice.

I see boys and girls in the pool, making out like horny teenagers -honestly not a pleasant sight to see. I walk over to the edge of the patio, seeing the skyline of Toronto. The fact that I've grown up in this city, but it never disappoints kind of amuses me -aha only if half of my relationships were like Toronto’s skyline.

I stand there, enjoying the view, for I don't know how long. But I know my heart is at peace, even though the peace will end as soon as I look away, I try making the most out of this moment, everything going faint around me.

“You always loved the view, didn’t you?” an awfully familiar voice pulls me out of my peace. Oh how much I wish I never got to know this voice.

“Ya, this view is like home.” I reply, turning around to see his face for the first time in years, he still looks angelic as ever, and I hate him so much for that -even though that’s a lie, I can never hate him.

It goes quiet for a moment, but it isn’t awkward, it’s peaceful, as if we both are too deep in our thoughts to realize who’s standing next to us.

“I haven’t seen you around, it’s kind’ve a surprise.” Shawn finally says.

“Well I’ve been pretty busy,” I say. “Finally graduated med school,” I continue.

“Wow, Congrats, really.” He smiles at me, making my heart go putty. “Haven’t we grown up.”

This time I turn around to get a better view of him, seeing how he has gotten more beautiful than the last time I saw him, if that’s even possible. He’s more built, more manly compared to the last time I saw him, tiny hair growing on his face, but his eyes were still the same.

We both were analyzing each other’s differences from the last time we saw each other. Our eyes met, we stared back at each other for a second, as if we were clinging on to our past. I broke our gaze, looking back at the breathtakingly beautiful skyline. ‘Lie To Me’ started playing on the speakers. The sound was muffled, but at the same time I could hear it perfectly clear.

I saw you looking brand new overnight,

I caught you looking, too, but you didn’t look twice.

You look happy,

You look happy.

“So how has life been,” I ask him, glancing at him for a second.

“You won’t believe it! I finally got a girlfriend. A real one by the way,” He chimes with a big smile on his face.

Ouch. Definitely didn’t see that one coming. I can’t help but feel a little jealous towards the lucky girl. She has Shawn all to herself, doesn’t have to deal with the crap I had to deal with. Wasn’t he supposed to come sweep me off the floor when he got his shit together. I can’t help but wish that girl went through at least half of what I had to go through.

“Really?, That’s amazing.” I don’t think I’ve been this fake ever, well isn’t it a night full of surprises. He was happy, I wasn’t going to ruin that for him with my sad, depressing feelings.

Flashing back to New York City,

Changing flights so you'd stay with me,

Remember thinking that I got this right.

“What about you?” he questions.

“I’ve been exploring as well,” I lie. “But now that I've graduated, I'm gonna get back in the game,” I give him the biggest smile, so he doesn’t get a hint.

“That’s good!” Shawn exclaims, not catching on, which is good, but apart of me wanted him to catch on to my lie. He always knew when I was hiding something, I guess things really have changed.

My mind wanders off to the time we spent together. All the sneaking around. All the stolen glances. Wanting to leave a party so we can go home and spend the night together, cuddling under Shawn’s gigantic blanket. All the times Shawn would almost miss his flight, because he simply didn’t want to leave the bed, and me. Things were easy then.

Now I wish we'd never met,

'Cause you're too hard to forget,

While I'm cleaning up your mess,

I know he's taking off your dress.

“What happened to the guy you were dating back then?” Shawn questions, breaking my thought train.

“Oh Jackson? Well it was more of a summer fling than anything else,” I reply. I can feel him turning around to look at me, but I stay put, knowing my cover would be broken if he looked into my eyes.

“Oh,” he sighs. “Well i bet you were too good for him anyways,” he says. “Like you were too good for me,” Shawn says barely above a whisper, after a moment.

I stay quiet. He really had to go there didn’t he. I can’t believe a boy is making me feel this weak. I loved him, i don’t know about him, don’t know if he loved me back but i sure did. Maybe that’s why my brain melts at the thought of him.

“Well it was different with you, you and I both know that.” I say quietly.

And I know that you don't,

But if I ask you if you love me,

I hope you li-li-li-lie,

Lie to me.

“How so? Wasn’t it worse with me?” He questions.

“No, because I loved you.”

Everything goes eerie for a second. Why the hell did I just say that. I did not just confess my love for him, after he got a girlfriend. Ugh, watch, you’re going to be a sad pathetic ex. I am about to walk away, but then he speaks.

“Oh. Well, it’s a good thing you ‘loved’ me, right?” Shawn chuckles, trying to lighten the mood.

Love. Dumbass. Love. Not loved.

“Ya. Aha.” I laugh awkwardly, hoping this would end.

It's three A.M. and the moonlight's testing me,

If I can make it 'til dawn then it won't be hard to see,

That I ain't happy,

I ain't too happy,

Our moment has been stolen, a girl comes up to Shawn and hugs him. Sure it was awkward to talk to him, but I wish it lasted longer. I look over to Shawn and see him kissing her. An all too familiar face. Camila Cabello. The reason I told him to figure things out. I guess they weren’t faking it after all.

“Oh, y/n, ’mila, my girlfriend.” Shawn smiles at her.

“Nice to finally meet you!” I fake my smile once again, hoping Shawn doesn’t notice. “Well I'm gonna get going, it’s getting late and everyone is getting drunk by the second.” I continue.

Flashing back to New York City

Changing flights so you'd stay with me

Problem was I thought I had this right

Shawn looks me in the eyes again, for the second time.

“Yea. You hate drunkies i remember that about you.” Shawn chuckles, staring right into me for the second time tonight.

I give him another forced, tight lipped, smile. This time though, he catches on. His eyes reflecting sadness.

Now I wish we'd never met,

'Cause you're too hard to forget,

While I'm cleaning up your mess,

I know he's taking off your dress,

Camila wanders off to somewhere, Shawn calls out my name, but by then I’m long gone. I walk into the penthouse, hearing Shawn’s voice repeatedly. I try getting out of there, but everything is suffocating me, and my tears making my eyes go blurry.

I pass Brian but he’s too drunk to even notice me. I’m glad though, i don’t want my childhood best friend to see my cry, and find out the reason my eyes are filled with tears is because of his best friend. He would be put in an awkward situation, and I don’t want to be the reason he’s stuck into something he was never apart of.

And I know that you don't,

But if I ask you if you love me,

I hope you li-li-li-lie,

Lie to me..

I make it out of the clustered apartment. Sighing, I stop for a second in the hallway to catch my breath. And then i feel something grab onto my wrist. I open my eyes to see Shawn. A worried Shawn.

“Y/n-” I cut him off.

“I’m really glad that you found happiness, Shawn. I’m so happy for you.” I tell him, giving him a genuine smile, his eyes reflecting the same sadness they did when he begged me to give him another chance. I pull my arm away from him, and start walking towards the elevator, praying to god he isn’t following me.

As soon as the door closes, I let out a breathy sigh, tears spilling from my eyes.

“Don’t ever let a boy steal your happiness,” I can hear my dad’s voice in my head. I wipe my tears away, getting my act together, pretending nothing happened, and I get into the uber. I try to keep my act, even though i’m sure as hell tonight was going to be full of tears.

Singin',

Li-li-li-lie, li-li-li-li-li-lie,

Li-li-li-li-li-lie, li-li-li-li-li-lie,

And I know that you don't,

But if I ask you if you love me,

I hope you li-li-li-lie,

Lie to me.

-------

OmG AHHHHHHHH!!!! PArt 2 of Ready for ME!!!! I have been writting this, for like 2 days now. I didn’t feel like posting tonight cus sum1′s clowning again, and big time clowning, but i love this story and it wouldnt be fair towards my baby (the story). I hope u love it!!!!! and im sorry if there are any typos i kinda rushed with the editing! Thank you so much for reading!!!! x

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes smut #shawn mendes masterlist #fanfiction

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itswomanswork · 6 years

Text

TAS 514: Ask Scott #160 – Changing Current BRAND – Trademark and Multiple Products – Scaling Sponsored Product Ads

How’s your progress toward building your ecommerce business going? Could you use a little push in the right direction to get back on track? You’ve come to the right place! It’s time for another session of Ask Scott here on The Amazing Seller. On this episode, you’ll hear from Scott as he shares some helpful insight from a recent conversation he had with his oldest daughter. He also covers answers to questions submitted by sellers like you! Don’t miss this exciting episode that delivers the tips and information you need to succeed!

Making money isn’t taboo!

While it may be popular to “Hate” on businesses that make a lot of profit and successful people who live extravagantly, there’s reason for caution. At the end of the day, money is neutral, it’s what people do with it that makes all the difference. On this episode of The Amazing Seller, you’ll hear from Scott as he goes over a recent conversation he had with his oldest daughter about money. What he ultimately wanted to get across to his daughter was the lesson that you can have a positive impact on the world with the money you earn and that earning money isn’t some taboo to be ashamed about. To hear more about Scott’s perspective on this topic, make sure to catch this episode!

UPC changes and maintaining momentum.

What options are available if you are running into challenges when it comes to your product’s UPC? Can you get a new UPC and maintain your product’s status on Amazon? On this episode of The Amazing Seller, Scott tackles a question from a TAS follower like you who is facing this very scenario. While it may not be ideal, if you are out of compliance with Amazon’s terms of service you’ll need to start over with an authorized UPC. To get all the details about UPC’s and how to find ones that are above board, make sure to listen to this helpful episode, you don’t want to miss it!

Creating a streamlined brand and securing trademarks.

Are you ready to take your ecommerce brand to the next level? Have you been trying to figure out if this whole ecommerce thing is right for you and have reached the point where you are ready to go all in? On this episode of The Amazing Seller, you’ll hear from Scott as he explains how to streamline your brand and get started on brand registry. While all the steps and terms may sound confusing, Scott takes his time to break down the whole process so sellers like you can jump right in without missing a beat. To hear more about his subject, make sure to listen to this episode!

OUTLINE OF THIS EPISODE OF THE AMAZING SELLER

[0:03] Scott’s introduction to this episode of the podcast!

[3:00] Scott shares a conversation he recently had with his oldest daughter about money.

[13:30] Question #1: How do I change my product’s UPC without starting all over?

[17:50] Question #2: What is the best way to go about securing a trademark?

[22:30] Question #3: How do run the best PPC strategy?

TRANSCRIPT TAS 514

TAS 514: Ask Scott #160 – Changing Current BRAND – Trademark and Multiple Products – Scaling Sponsored Product Ads

[INTRODUCTION]

[00:00:03] Scott: Well hey, hey what’s up everyone! Welcome back to another episode of The Amazing Seller Podcast. This is episode number 514 and session number 160 of Ask Scott. This is where I…

Read full transcript…

Click Here to Download Transcript

…answer your questions here on the podcast and I do it every single week and this is our time to sit down at the table, have a cup of coffee and just talk about business, talk about life and this is one of my highlights of the week so I love it that you’re here and you’re spending this 20/25/30 minutes, whatever this episode ends up being with me and hopefully we can get you through some of those sticking points. Or even just switch a little bit of that mindset of yours and really keep you on the road to success.

So today what we’re going to be talking about just to throw it out there, let you guys know exactly what we’re going to be talking about, the questions that came in. Changing a current brand. We’re going to talk about that. We’re going to also talk about trade-marking and multiple products. We’re also going to talk about scaling sponsored product ads. So that’s what we’re going to be talking about in today’s episode. Now if you have a question that you want me to answer on an upcoming Ask Scott session all you have to do is head over to theamazingseller.com/ask. And that’s it, just go over there, leave your first name, where you’re tuning in from and just a brief question and then I’ll do my best to address it here on an upcoming Ask Scott session.

That intro, I’ll tell you, it took me a couple of times today to get through that because I had so much energy. I was out of breath as I was saying episode 514, session 160. I was out of breath because I’m just so fired up and got to kind of calm myself down a little bit. A lot of cool things happening and just really a great time to be alive to be honest with you. There’s a lot of things that we need to be grateful for and really just happy to be alive to experience because it’s a great time. Yes there’s a lot of negativity out there in the world but that doesn’t mean that we have to be a part of that.

[00:01:59] Scott: We can go out there, make a difference in the world and just make someone smile for the day. It’s as simple as that. Just doing something good for someone else. So think about that. There’s one little thing that I want you to do for the week or the weekend. Before we jump in to today’s questions, I did want to bring up another thing here that I think you might relate to because I think we’ve all had this moment in our life. But I realized that just the other day I was having another conversation with my oldest daughter who’s here visiting for a week. We had a lot of great conversations, sitting up by the pool just her and I and the new dog, Mazy.

If you guys have not heard the episode of me talking about the new dog, yes we have a new dog. And her name is Mazy. And Brody is still trying to adjust to having someone else in his domain. So I’ll keep you posted on that. But we’re just having good conversations and talking about life and business and it’s funny. Because my daughter was like, “Dad it’s not about just going out there and making a whole bunch of money. It’s kind of like a dirty word in a sense.” And I’m like, “You’re 100% right.” And I don’t want you or anyone else thinking that money is a dirty word.

And what I mean by that is people think that if I go out there and if I charge for something, it’s kind of like you’re making money off of someone and you feel bad about that. The thing is though like we’re creating services for people in life for them to pay each other in a sense. Like if you get a haircut, that person is doing a service for you. You want to get a good hair cut or your want your hair colored or whatever. You’re doing a service. You wouldn’t do that necessarily for free forever, you couldn’t. You couldn’t survive because your life that you have, even if it’s the simplest life you still have to pay for your electric and your gas and your phone and just the essentials like your rent or your mortgage, your car.

[00:04:07] Scott: Even if it’s nothing fancy you still have to pay for that stuff. You have to make some money. So we’re having this conversation and I said to her, I go, “I don’t want you to ever think of making money as a dirty word in a sense. I want you to think about it this way, if you’re creating a brand which you are really passionate about, you want to help people and that could be just you making someone smile with the product that you sell them is making them having a better experience. Like you can go as like a garlic press, for instance. Like if you give someone a really good garlic press and it satisfies the need that they need, they’re ultimately going to be happy because they are going to create real nice meals that they might sit around and have great conversations with their family.

So the more garlic presses you get out there, the more good you could be delivering. You need to think about it that way. Now if you’re just going out there to make the money, yes that can be hard. Because then you’re just constantly focusing on the one. But if we think about the customer journey in a sense and I like to use the customer journey as an example because if someone buys a garlic press I can give that person an extremely great customer experience. Let’s face it. I can do better follow up. I could make sure that they get ten recipes that they’re going to use immediately.

And I know it sounds kind of silly but it’s the truth. A lot of people are just looking at how do I go out there and make a buck? And I get it. Like I was like that in the past. Just trying to feed my family. Like just trying to feed the family. I get it. Okay, but if we can turn that a little bit and just switch the way that we think about that and that we’re not just selling something to someone… Like again, I would never say just sell a piece of crap.

[00:06:00] Scott: Like do not sell a fidget spinner necessarily just to make the money. I’m not about that. I’m about building the brand. Now, if you can find a really good fidget spinner and it serves the purpose to that person or the kid or whatever and it gives them great experience that’s fine. I’m okay with that. I’m not opposed to that but I am more about trying to figure out a way to create a brand that you could be proud of in a sense but then also you can tap into a market that can serve that market at even the smallest level. And when you do that then it’s not necessarily this dirty word about making money.

Because a lot of people struggle with selling. For me, for the longest time it was hard. When I got kind of good at selling in a sense and a little bit more comfortable it was when I was actually communicating with customers in my father’s business going all the way back to when I was 23 years old selling people that would walk into our show room. I had to walk them through the product. I had to give them the benefits and the features. I had to talk about all of the stuff that we would give them as part of the package. And I would sell them on their experience and about also the trust of the company. All of that stuff. So I want you especially if you’re thinking to yourself I’m thinking about making money and it just feels like that’s all you’re doing is trying to make money.

And to some of us it feels a little dirty in a sense. I want you to think differently about it. Think about creating really good products that serve a market, build a brand and then you’re doing good. And then you get to give someone what they need and want, you’re able to be compensated for it and then you’re going to be able to live your life. And with your money, with your $100,000 a year that you’re making, you’re going to be able to then buy the things that are going to make you happy in a sense as far as like going on that trip and then everyone that kind of making contact with in that trip you’ve paid them people. And then they’re able to provide for their families and it kind of circulates.

[00:08:00] Scott: But you got to think about it that way. But going back to the conversation I was having with my daughter, I was like, “Listen. You need to think about it like you’re not just out there trying to think more things for yourself. You’re not out there just to buy then next new fancy car. You’re actually trying to provide for your family. And then when your husband’s out of the service, out of the navy and you guys want to settle down and be in one location and just afford a middle class even lifestyle and then maybe you’re going to be working more in charities and stuff because that’s really where your heart is. That’s fine. But you need to understand that in order to get there you have to make the money.

If you want to make the money you have to me, have a way for you to do that where it feels good within you,” if that makes sense. Hopefully that makes sense to you guys and hopefully I’m not going off on a side tangent here or a rant of some kind. But it’s a conversation that I had with her and she got it. And she’s like it makes sense. It makes total sense. It’s even like this with the podcast. Like for the longest time in the beginning it was hard for me because I didn’t want to go out there and monetize the podcast but I knew that in order for me to reach more people I need the podcast to start bringing new people in. But I also needed it to pay for itself. Then eventually, yes it can come in and start to supplement the other income that I had coming in and I can spend more time on it so I can reach more people.

Then I can give those people a better experience. I can give them more resources like the show notes and like the transcripts like I’ve added, which cost me money every single week to put them together. But I know that they are adding value to you the listener and hopefully you guys will take them and use them and then better your life. And create a brand that you guys can use to serve a market. And then to build something that you might build now and then sell later and then that will transition you into another part of your life in your journey. So again, I want you guys to think about that.

[00:10:02] Scott: If you’ve ever felt that like selling just feels dirty to you in a sense or a dirty word of making money online because I know that that is become just a really dirty topic online and it doesn’t have to be if you’re out there doing good and if you’re out there building a business that can service a market. Period. And if you can create a better user experience or a better customer journey as I like to call it then I’m all for it. And I think you should be as well. So I shared what with my daughter and she seemed to like it so I thought I’d share that with you guys and hopefully you guys take a little something away from that.

But I’ll go back to my daughter again because I’m so proud of her and what she’s become and just spending that week with her since she’s been back. It made me really realize that she was the one that changed my life and my wife’s life forever. Not just with this amazing beautiful daughter that we have now that’s grown into a young lady but because she was small at that time and I was missing out on the opportunities of being there. She made me say to myself I cannot work a nine to five. I will not work a nine to five. I will not miss those special moments. I will not feel guilty for not being there. So that one thing in my life, that child that I had going back now almost 23 years, that changed my life.

And I know a lot of people like they have kids, it’s like they changed my life. They make me value life more. It’s true, but by her being a small child at the time made me realize that I never wanted to miss out on that and I would do anything I had to do to build a business that my wife and I could be there every step of the way. And that’s what we did, going back to my story of the photography business. We built that business so we could create our own schedule.

[00:12:00] Scott: Drive our kids to school, be home at night. All of that stuff. Then that kind of transitioned us to where we wanted to make a change so we could not have to reliant on just our customers that were coming through our brick and mortar. And we wanted to move online and do the online thing and we did that. You guys have heard the story and if you haven’t go back and check it out. Episode 300 gives you the entire story pretty much. But you need to understand that this is a journey. This is your journey and there’s probably been one thing in your life that you can go back and go wow, that one thing changed the direction of my life forever. So think about that. Think about that and if you’re at that place right now where you’re like, “I want to get out of that nine to five job so I can be there for my family.

I can be there for those special occasions with whomever,” think about that for a second. Because if you don’t, where will you be in 12 months if you do nothing right now? Like you have to start. It’s not going to happen overnight but you have to just start. I’ve said that time and time again. But just think about it. What is that one thing that could switch it for you or what is your why as I always talk about. You got to figure that out. And if you do, it’s pretty powerful. So, let’s kick this up a notch, what do you say?

Let’s go ahead and let’s listen to today’s first question, I will give you my answer, we will get this baby rocking and rolling. Let’s keep the energy up. What do you say? Let’s do this.

[Q&A SESSION]

[00:13:30] Dale: Hello Scott. This is Dale from Redondo Beach California. I’ve been a long time listener and I’ve been on FBA for almost three years now. And things are going really good until the point where I need to make some changes for the better for my product. My question for you is going to be regarding how do you make these changes and not lose any SEO juice or rankings that I’ve gotten so far? For instance, when I first started I bought my bar codes off eBay and I know now that Amazon has changed their policy so I like to be compliant and change my bar codes to the proper GS1 barcodes. I’m also going to put in a new logo and a new label design.

And at some point I probably need to tweak my brand name as well in order to get a trademark to be compliant with the brand registry. When I do these things what’s the best way to convert over to this new design and not lose any of the other search terms and all the great momentum I got before? Is it to create a new listing or…? I really don’t want to run one down and then start the other one up after that? So is it better to create a new listing or is it better to change the current listing and the pictures and all that stuff? I’m just wondering if you had any experience on trying to change a product into something, to a new bar code or to a new logo design.

Thank you very much and I appreciate all the good work you’ve done.

[00:14:50] Scott: Hey Dale. Thank you so much for the question and this is a good one because you’ve got some momentum which is great. You want to change your logo or your packaging which I think is fine. I guess my only concern is you said that you bought some UPC codes off of eBay or a third party service which I still think is okay. My question would be have you run them through the GS1 database? Have you seen if these are ones that were purchased from GS1. I would be very, very careful on changing them especially if there’s no warnings or there’s any red flags because if you do decide to close down that listing and start a new one, you’re starting from zero. So you’re not going to have that link juice. You’re not going to have anything that you’ve created as far as history goes.

The reviews won’t be carried over. And even if you called Amazon I would probably bet that they won’t carry them over even though the product is the same just new packaging and you’ve got a new UPC. I’ve never heard that being done. So I’d be very careful with that. So I would definitely look at the GS1 database with the current codes that you have and I would see if there’s any issues there. If there’s no issues there then I think that you could just update your packaging and leave everything as is in a sense because you have new packaging. It’s like a new design. I don’t see any problem with doing that.

Now, brand registry-wise, that’s a little different story because if you’re going to change your name then that could make a difference. I don’t know because we don’t really know if people are searching by your brand name or if they are being found. Maybe your brand name has your keyword in there. I don’t know. That would be something I would think about later in a sense. You could always have your main brand and then have these be part of that brand just even just different versions of the brand name, if that makes sense.

[00:16:58] Scott: But that could be a little tricky. But I’d be careful getting rid of those listings that are currently working unless you’re doing a total rehaul on the product themselves then you could always add a variation to that listing with just a different version. A different strap, a different connector or whatever, then you can do that. So I’d just be careful with that. Think it through before you delete or just shut down a listing and start over again. I would want to definitely make sure that I’ve checked all that stuff out. But you’re on the right track, and sounds like you’re doing pretty good so props to you man. Awesome job. Keep me posted. Let me know what you decide and how it works out for you. Hopefully that gave you a few things to think about. So good luck.

Let’s go ahead and listen to the next question and I’ll give you my answer. Let’s do it.

[00:17:50] Nick: Hey Scott. This is Nick calling from Ohio. I want to thank you for all your podcasts and your resources. I can’t believe the progress I’ve made in the past couple of months and I owe a lot of that to you. So thank you. I have a question kind of about trademarks and brand registry. I’ve only started a couple of months ago so I do have a few products but I don’t have UPC or really a brand registry or trademark. So since my products currently are unrelated but I’m hoping to start more of a brand line in the near future I guess my question is kind of will I need to apply for a trademark sort of for my storefront name at the top of Seller Central?

Which is also my LLC name. Or should I be expecting to apply for trademarks for “brand name” of each individual product if I wanted the UPC benefits for each of my products. My hope would be that I can kind of just get one for my LLC or really like a blanket trademark name that I could sort of apply to everything and then in the future if the brand was more successful. Maybe be more specific kind of trademark brand name for that actual brand or that particular line of product. So hopefully that makes sense. Wondering if you can shed some light. I’m really not sure how to start that process or what would be a good way to go with it. Thanks Scott.

[00:19:28] Scott: Hey Nick. Thank you so much for the question and it’s very similar to what Dale was saying in a sense. You’re a little bit in the beginning stages. You’ve been at it a few months which is awesome. You’ve got some momentum going but now you’re starting to think about trademark. The only thing that I heard a little bit differently here is that you have products that are not related. Now, if they are not related you’ve got something that you need to think about here. And that is are you going to be an open brand in a sense? And with an open brand that means in a sense that you have a brand that can sell different types of products. So think of yourself like you’re an electronics company.

And you’re going to sell all different brands under that electronics company. XYZ Electronics. And then you’re going to sell different brands of electronics underneath there. That’s going to be hard to trademark the top brand in a sense and then from there because it’s not directly a product of the brand in a sense then it’s going to be hard to do that. And I’m not really sure how that would work. Your best bet is to pick one or something that’s close to the brand and then start to make those products of the main brand. I’m not quite sure how the brand would work without seeing your products and stuff and seeing if it would even make sense to do that.

But you’re right. When you are going to apply for a brand registry, you’re going to need to need the trademark and if you get a trademark on XYZ Electronics that’s fine but you’re going to have to make sure that the products that are under that brand are going to be directly related to it or that are tied to it and then they would fall under your trademark or underneath your brand registry. So just some things to think about. I would definitely ask you this question, “Are there some products that you’re just selling just because they are selling a few and they are not really going to contribute to the overall brand? Or are you building a brand of miscellaneous products in all different markets.

[00:21:28] Scott: And to me that’s going to be a harder thing to do there because you can’t necessarily… I shouldn’t say you can’t. It will be harder to do a trademark, not necessarily the trademark but to get the brand registry. The trademark would be kind of easy to do because it’s just the name we’re talking about, we’re getting it trademarked. And what actually that trademark is protecting but on the flipside of that Amazon needs to then say, “Oh this trademark brand sells these products that it produces, that it creates or that it manufactures.” So that’s where it can get a little tricky. So not 100% sure where you’re at with that. But hopefully that gave you some things to think about and I would definitely say I would try to focus on a market or at least a market and then a couple of submarkets that are tied to that brand. That’s what I would do.

Hopefully this helped you. Anyone else listening, hopefully it helped you as well. And let’s go ahead and listen to the next question. The last question of today and then we can get on with our weekend and get out there and start taking some action. What do you say? Let’s do it.

[00:22:34] McKayla: Hey Scott. This is McKayla calling from Phoenix Arizona. And I have a question on pay-per-click. So I have an automatic campaign running and it converts pretty well at about 8% and then I took the keywords that are doing really well and I did a manual campaign and now that’s converting on about 10%. I keep both of those running every day and those convert really well. But I’m wondering if I can keep adding additional campaigns and keep… Can you run more than one automatic campaign is I guess my first question. And if that makes any sense to do that?

Or should I be running multiple campaigns on different keywords or should I just keep at these two campaigns. I feel like they do really well. So I need to ramp them up more. I don’t spend. I have it at $20 a day and it only spends about $3 a day. So I don’t know if it’s because I’m not getting searched enough. But I don’t know. I need some advice on the pay-per-click, how many different ad sets to run and if we should be doing multiple manual or automatic. Thanks so much. Love the podcast.

[00:23:56] Scott: Hey McKayla, thank you so much for the question and another pay-per-click question. We get at least one or two of these per week. So I’m always glad to answer these because I know that’s like a tricky area that we’re all playing in and there’s not really any right or wrong answer because everything is going to react differently from what we do. But the one thing I want to say is you were talking about possibly running two auto campaigns. No, I would not do that. I would have the one auto campaign if that’s what you’re going to do. Use that as your collection, as your data collection campaign and it sounds like it’s doing really well. So does your manual campaign.

But here’s where I think people get a little confused or a little over excited or happy because I heard you say 8% on one and 10% on the other. And I would die to have 8% or 10% ACOS on a campaign. Those are amazing. Like I’ve got a couple that are like 10% and 12%. I’m like super excited about those. The issue is… Not really the issue but I guess the misunderstanding is really that you don’t really have a lot of impressions and you don’t have a lot of clicks. So yes you’re getting a few eyeballs and the few eyeballs that you get are converting that’s awesome.

But what happens when we scale that? What happens when we add more money to the budget because if you add more budget you still might not get the reach because you say like you’re spending $3 a day but you’re willing to spend like $15 or $20. That tells me that you’re probably not reaching or it’s not being searched for as much as you might thing. So my first step would be what are you bidding? So let’s say that you’re bidding $1 just to keep it easy and you’re willing to spend $20 but you’re only spending $3 and you’re getting 500 impressions. My first step would be let’s increase the cost per click to $2 and see if our impressions go up. That will tell us number one if we’re not bidding enough but it will also tell us if there’s traffic there for that.

[00:25:58] Scott: So we can scale. And as we start to increase the budget and the cost per click, can we continue to keep that ACOS, that percentage rate where it needs to be. So that would be some things that I’d be playing with. And I’d be looking at because again you coming out and saying like if we just had a conversation and you’re like yeah, I’ve got these two campaigns and they are converting. One’s at 8%, one’s at 10%. I’m like wow, that’s amazing. And you’re like yeah but I’m only spending $3 a day. So it’s not as impressive. It’s not as good as it sounds. So my first thing is let’s increase that. Let’s see if we can actually get more traffic. Because if you can convert at that and we can keep scaling it, game over.

Like you’re going to do phenomenon. So I’d keep the auto going. Maybe increase the budget there even a little bit and just see what you can do with that to kind of ramp that up and get more data quicker. And then the other thing is in the manual campaigns, you were talking, should you take those that are converting and bring them over to another campaign. That’s one way of doing it. I would definitely try to keep your campaigns smaller. So you’re not trying to manage like 100 keywords in one. And especially once you get ones that are converting especially if you pull your data report in like an auto campaign and let’s say that you see that there’s a three word phrase that’s converting every single time pretty much.

Well then your next step would be to take that three word phrase, grab another, create another campaign and then create a phrase match for that or an exact match for that. And then just run money to that keyword itself in the phrase or in the exact. Then from there you’re going to be able to just target that one phrase that is converting or that is getting traffic. So that would be the steps. Keeping things smaller a lot of times especially as you scaling will allow you to see more quicker and you’re not trying to manage all these keyword.

[00:27:56] Scott: The other thing is when you have a campaign that has 100 keywords or more your budget is being allocated for all of those keywords. So a lot of times it’s going to maybe start focusing or Amazon is going to start pushing views on five keywords that they think is relevant and you’re not getting any on the other because it’s not taking that campaign and spreading it out amongst all 100.So I like to keep them smaller. Especially in the beginning. So that way there you can see the numbers quicker but you can also take that budget and focus it more on individual keywords or at least your top ten. So that’s what I’d do but again I think at this stage you need to add more money to your budget.

Not necessarily your budget, to your cost per click. I think you need to increase that. Keep your budget at around 20 bucks. Increase your cost per click and see what that does as impression wise. And see if you’re still as you’re getting this traffic increase are you still converting at the 8% or 10%. Then from there I continue to scale that even if it was depending on your profit margin. I would even keep doing that if it was 25 or 30%, why not and because that’s going to drive organic sales later on on the backside. So hopefully this helped you or anyone else that’s listening.

No, I would not do two auto campaigns and then two, second part of this is I would take the ones that are working and definitely make sure that you can focus more of your budget on those and strip out the ones that aren’t. And if you want to strip them out, put them in another campaign then do that. That way there the budget isn’t going towards those ones that aren’t getting any sales or just even taking up part of the budget. So that’s what I’d do. So hopefully this helped you or anyone else like I said listening, that’s battling with this pay-per-click thing.

If you guys want to check out the free resource we have put together, myself and Chris Shaffer on pay-per-click, head over to theamazingseller.com/ppc. There’s a whole set of training there. Chris and I did over three and a half, four hours of training over there.

[00:29:58] Scott: A lot of questions we’ve answered that you’ll probably find useful so definitely go check that out. All right guys. So that’s it. That is going to wrap up this episode. I’m going to remind you on the show notes to this episode can be found at theamazingseller.com/514. And if you want to ask a question of your own here and have it aired on an upcoming Ask Scott episode head over to themazingseller.com/ask and you can do that. You can ask a question right there.

All right guys. That’s it. That’s going to wrap it up. Remember as always, I’m here for you, I believe in you and I’m rooting for you. But you have to, you have to… Come on say it with me, say it loud, say it proud, “Take action.” Have an awesome, amazing day and I’ll see you right back here on the next episode.

[END]

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LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

www.theamazingseller.com/300

www.theamazingseller.com/PPC

www.theamazingseller.com/ask

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