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#I feel like there are other things I thought of while writing this that didn't make it into the post but I'll have to mention eventually
hexxynn · 2 days
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you're my forever | best friend! anakin x fem!reader
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word count : 10.2k
warnings : MDNI 18+, anakin and reader are 18, angst, angst, so much angst, self deprecation, reader has a mom named lucille, insecure! reader, modern!, jock! anakin, swearing, anakin worshiping the ground you walk on, reader is described as having a tummy!, praise, even more praise, anakin talks you through it, arguing, readers parents are divorced, pet names, virgin! reader, oral (f receiving), piv, no condom mentioned (wrap it before you tap it!), creampie, aftercare (i think that's all?)
summary : you develop feelings for your long time best friend, anakin. you fall into a pit of bedrot trying to cope and push him away, only for him to push back. what you didn't know is that he felt the same way.
a/n : my first fic ever pls be kind lol, this is my first time writing smut too, so any tips would be appreciated! im lit new to tumblr so please don't be afraid to request anything. also im literally a slut for angsty sex and praise can you tell? also this isn't proofread soz
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You didn't know when your feelings had turned from platonic, to overwhelmingly romantic.
Honestly? It was scary.
You had known Anakin for a while, him being your neighbor for most of your life. That was, until you moved, but only to downsize after your parents split. The quaint neighborhood, the only thing you had ever known, being torn away from you. Luckily— your parents didn't want to move far, so you stayed put in the same town, just in different neighborhoods.
You were two when you guys met, both of your toddler selves adorned with the aroma of innocence and childhood. Your moms had both bonded, over the struggle of motherhood, while you two seemed to find each other in the purity of your early years. He came up to you, with a simple ask to push him on the swing; an offer you couldn't refuse. Retorting with an, "as long as you push me after," which couldn't help but earn an eager grin from Anakin.
As you two pushed each other, giggles and laughs emerging from the silence of the neighborhood, your mothers had noticed the bond and smiled; knowing their friendship, and the one forming by the swing sets, would go on past this little encounter. They exchanged numbers, beams from ear to ear, knowing they found comfort in each other, and a pal for their children.
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As time went along, they set up playdates, leaving you two to watch shows, and do little things only young kids would do, whilst they sat on the back porch of your house with a wine glass in hand. You and Anakin would watch silly things, and you would play with his toy cars; in exchange, he'd play dolls with you (no matter how girly it was, or how frustrated he got in his three year old brain).
The neighborhood gossip would flow from their lips. Inside, the sounds of juvenility and jolly would make themselves present in some of your earliest memories. Your moms has been content with the current exchange. The simple call to come over, no matter whose house, with the almost immediate response from the other, and you and Anakin were dragged into their friendship, building one of your own. It worked out nicely.
As you grew up, playdates turned into school, and he was your best friend in elementary. Bus stop hand holding was the cause of teases from the boys (not the girls, who thought it was 'cool' you were able to get a kindergarten boyfriend), eliciting a shrug of nonchalance from Anakin. He would defend you, and go back to the swing sets with you, returning back to your place of blossoming friendship. He didn't care much for what the six year olds had to say, knowing you already for over half of his life. The bond your mothers had created was stuck, and would be for a while.
Once you got to middle school, there was a shift, though. He found his guy friends, understanding the game that adolescents liked to play with jokes and gossip. While he still walked you to the bus stop, he didn't see you as much in school. Especially with the deferring interests you two had grown. You had become a bookworm, immersed in studies as soon as you entered the next phase of your life, while he became athletic and would stay after school to play soccer with the other boys in the field behind school. Nevertheless, he'd come home and his mom would tell him they're going to your house. With no protest— he'd go. He would never turn down seeing you. Without prying eyes and weird looks, he could be himself and return to the faithful friend he'd had for so long. The simplicity and routine created never felt off, even as the times changed. He would always run back to you.
Until High School started. Things changed yet again, messing with the routine you two had created. He didn't walk you, or drive you to school, but would bring you food, smile at you in the halls, and nod his head in the structured environment of school. It was more than middle school. You two still saw each other as much as possible, but hangouts got a lot different. He got into football, and the schedule was rigorous. Yet, you'd still go to his games, cheer him on, and wait until he got home to personally congratulate him. He never even let flings, or girlfriends throughout the years, change his behavior towards you. It had never been explicitly romantic, but you two were closer than most. He'd hold your hand to drag you to his room, and vice versa. He'd let you drape his legs across him on the couch, or let him spin you around in a hug after his games.
He saw you more than middle school, his maturity hitting him slightly. He valued you, and you valued him, and that was one of the first things he'd ever known. This platonic relationship he held with you, was one of the things he cherished most. He wouldn't let anything get between you two, no matter what was to come in the future. He'd never let you go.
You on the other hand, immersed in studies and prepping for college, had turned a lot of hangouts into study dates. Which was okay with him, as long as you two got to see each other. He'd lounge in your room while you sat at your desk with a textbook and computer. He'd bring you food when your mom called that dinner was ready, knowing your academics had pulled you away from reality. His nurturing nature stayed the same.
You two had both gotten into different colleges, across the state. He got a football scholarship, and you got an academic scholarship at a prestigious college on the west side. You knew what was to come as the summer after senior year approached.
What you didn't know was to come, was your feelings towards him.
You didn't know when your hand holding started making your tummy flutter, or when his hands tracing patterns on your calves had you feeling flustered. Sure, he changed a lot in High School. He got muscular, grew his hair out, had more charm and appeal. He had girls swooning. But you? You never expected to be one of those girls.
Coming to terms with your feelings was definitely a task.
At first, it was jealousy. Jealousy towards the girls who were able to openly fawn over him, with Anakin relishing in the attention they bestowed on him. He loved living in this spotlight, and the rush he got when girls would whisper and giggle sentiments about him. He adored all of the looks and the eye fucks he would get in the halls. It was an ego boost.
You wished so terribly you could be one of those girls. The ones he'd kiss after his games, the ones who went out with him on Friday nights. You just weren't that girl.
Sophomore year came with heated jealousy, and Junior year came with longing. Senior year, you slowly came to terms with it. It wasn't until after graduation, when you relished in all the attention he would give you on summer days, that you fully realized what you were feeling. You had never had a boyfriend throughout all your years, academics taking priority over any man.
The beginning of summer was torture.
He was mindful of his last couple of months with you, giving you his full, undivided attention.
And you fucking loved it.
At the same time though, you hated it. The torment of the sudden affection you received, along with an endless stream of texts and calls when you two couldn't be together. It made your feelings all the more real, and you couldn't do it any longer.
You were then slowly trying to distance yourself, for your own sanity, to protect your feelings and soften the blow of college. You were frustrated, angry, and hurt all at the same time. It wasn't his fault, but your brain blamed him for all of it. You were starting to resent him, and hole up in your room, only coming out for meals and water. It had been this way for about a week now, in the middle of June, and the contrast from this to the way you were two weeks before was startling. Especially to Anakin.
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Your mom, Lucille, was standing on her back porch per usual, pacing around her best friend, also known as Anakin's mom. Though she was across town, it wasn't far. A mere ten minute drive at most.
"I just don't know what's gotten into her, you know? One minute she's going out almost every day with Ani, the next she's- she's- god!"
Lucille was very annoyed, to say the least. The state she had found you in was worrying her, and her financial situation with college didn't assist in her anxiety.
"Did something happen between her and Ani?" Lucille pondered, quirking a brow up inquisitively at her friend, sighing. "Not that I know of. In fact, he's been asking about her," Shmi sighed heavily. "She might just be stressed about university, you know?"
"I know... but she normally comes to me about these things, Shmi! And now she's this void," Lucille sat down, wine sloshing in the glass.
Shmi rubbed her back, smiling softly. "Just be patient, Lucy, maybe try to have a heart to heart with her? Sit down with her," Shmi pondered.
"Yeah... yeah, sure. I'll do that," Lucille returned the soft expression Shmi reflected onto her, letting out a huff. "Can you come by tomorrow morning? I'll keep you updated," she asked, while Shmi rubbed her back.
"Of course. I'll head home, love you," Shmi replied, standing up and walking into the cool air of the house, watching the moonlight cast the house in a low glow. The hardwood floors leading to the front door were bleached from the sun, it's constant rays hitting the floor from the many windows in the home.
"Love you, too," Lucille wrapped her friend in a hug, wishing her off. "What to do," she looked at her feet, shutting and locking the door, heading upstairs to talk to you.
She heard soft music coming from your room, probably from the speaker Anakin had gifted you Junior year. She recognized the soft hum of your voice, and Lucille was then unsure if she wanted to disturb your peace. But, she knew it was for the better.
A soft knock resonated in the empty hallway, and she heard your hums stop, followed by your music. Your footsteps could be heard trekking to the door, that once opened, revealed darkness in your face.
Your bags were heavy, face devoid of any feeling as you tilted your head to the side, "Hey, what's up?" You muttered, avoiding eye contact with your mother.
"Can I come in?" Your mom requested, analyzing every feature you once held. It was sad, depressing, and a mess all in one. You straightened your spine, opening your door wider and flicking on the light. With no words, you sat on your bed, the white comforter all messy and tangled in an array of clothes; unfolded laundry you were too tired to do.
Your mother sat next to you, placing a hand on your back. "Is everything okay?"
"Mhm, why do you ask?" You force a smile, nodding your head. Your appearance spoke much differently though, along with the state of your bedroom. Your hair in a messy updo, and your clothes scattered around the carpet. Spandex and an oversized tee adorned your figure, hiding the body you once loved to dress up with random articles of clothing, a uniqueness reflected in your personality onto your style.
This wasn't you.
"You've been in your room for a few days now, what happened to your summer plans? The job you were looking for?" Lucille removed her hand, placing her cheek in her hand.
You again avoided eye contact, looking to your window. "I'm just tired, Mama," you replied in a hushed tone, chewing on your already scabbed lip.
"I know, hon, I know. But we're all worried. Me, Shmi, Anakin-"
At the mention of his name, you dropped your head again. Deep down, you knew it wasn't fair to anyone. But you couldn't help it. You'd rather put up your walls before letting yourself get hurt with a stupid crush. "It's okay, I promise," you again put up a facade.
"Is it me? Did I do something?" Your mother started to tear up, placing a hand on her chest. The last thing she'd ever want to do is hurt you. She had never seen this from you before, though.
You finally made eye contact, shaking your head rigorously. "No, of course not. I just need to sleep," you scrunched your nose, trying not to let the tears fall yourself.
"Okay... but if you need anything I'm here, alright?" Lucille stood up then, making her way out the door, shutting off the light on her way out.
In the absence of another person, you felt yourself rotting in self deprecation all over again. The mention of Anakin just hurt you all the more. You hated doing this, you really did, but crying for hours on end seemed to help, even in the slightest.
So, you sat back in your mess of sheets and blankets, music starting up again, as you scrolled through photos of you and Anakin over the years. Even looking at photos of him with girlfriends, his smile brighter than ever. Kisses on cheeks, arms around them in photos. A reminder of something you could never be to him. A hole was making its way into your heart, one that only he could fill, and you were devoid of any reciprocation to your feelings.
But, back at the Skywalker's residence, Shmi had come home, setting her keys on the rack, and plopping down on the couch with a soft thud. Even she was confused and frustrated, thinking of you as one of her own.
At the sound of the door opening, and footsteps, Anakin came tumbling down the stairs, excited to see his mom after a long day of work, knowing she went to your house immediately after her shift.
She perked up at the noise, laying back and turning on the TV. "Hello, Ani," she yelled to the hallway, as he came walking towards the living room.
"Hey, Mom! How was your day?" He asked, setting himself next to Shmi, leaning back in the cushions. His hair was damp from a shower, clad in a black tee and plaid pants.
"It was good, stopped by Lucille's after work," she muttered, with him letting out a chuckle in response. "Assumed so, it's around ten— you're normally not out this late unless it's Lucille's," he nodded. "Did you see Y/N?" He then asked, turning his head to face Shmi.
"No... I didn't. Have you heard from her at all?" Shmi frowned, watching him shake his head and loll it back on the couch, a sigh escaping his lips. "No, I haven't. I'm worried, you know? Did I do something?" He asked, looking for some sort of answer. Your absence was sudden, and no matter how many times he'd call or text, you wouldn't respond. Your location stayed the same as well, the icon staying on your house, so he knew you weren't busy. He didn't want to intrude though, and push boundaries, but he truly had no idea what was going on with you. And it hurt him.
"I don't think so, she's avoiding Lucy as well," Shmi looked at her son quickly while she channel surfed, finding something to hopefully fall asleep to on the plush tan cushions.
Anakin sighed, standing up. "Tell Lucille I'll be over tomorrow, okay? I'll see if I can figure it out, might be too personal to tell her mom about," Anakin assured Shmi, standing up to make his way up the stairs.
"Okay," Shmi replied simply, feeling sleep overtake her soon enough.
Anakin, though, made his way up the stairs, racing to his phone. He pulled up your contact again, pressing the call button, and listening to the same ringing tone that he's heard for the past week bounce off of the walls of his room.
He sighed when it hit your voicemail, the sound of your once cheery self beginning to speak. He hadn't heard your voice in so long, it ached and left him confused. "Tomorrow," he told himself.
He'd see you tomorrow, no matter what it took.
Tomorrow didn't come soon enough, though, leaving Anakin tossing and turning in his sleep. He was so, so tired, so worried, and so anxious about what would happen. He had no idea if he had done something wrong, his brain relentlessly bullying him with 'what if's'. He kept waking up in cold sweats, eyebrows furrowed with concern for you. He cherished you like a lifeline, and he felt like he was slipping away as you did from him. When morning came, he had bags under his eyes, and his hair was tousled with the constant running of his hands through his hair throughout the night. He didn't know what if it went wrong today, or if you gave no response and shut yourself off.
He didn't even eat, too sick to his stomach to do so, waving a small, "bye," to his mother before slipping into his car, and Shmi had sent a text to Lucille as he left.
Shmi
He's on the way.
Lucy
Alright, she's awake. Ty for sending him over 😘
Shmi
Anytime. Want to come over while they talk, give them a little space?
Lucy
On my way.
And with that, Lucille had left her own home, knocking on your door and letting you know where she was going. You had hummed in response, getting into the shower, preparing to repeat the cycle of bed-rot you had created in the recent days.
The water soothed you, hot streams battering on your back as you sunk into the tiled floor. The speaker still let out hushed instrumentals and lyrics of your playlist, allowing you to wallow in your feelings. Not even washing your hair, or your body, you simply laid there. Tears were scarce at this point, not able to flow down your cheeks, as you looked at yourself in your naked state.
You doubted Anakin could ever, ever, love something like this in the way you loved him.
It was honestly sickening, in your opinion, how you destroyed yourself over him. Promises to him left unkept, and your friendship flowed down the drain, following the stream of the water. The sad, angry music you hummed along to only allowed for your wallowing to fester into an ugly knot in your stomach.
Some Phoebe Bridgers lyric had you leaning on the wall, closing your eyes. Too many years wasted. Too many tears shed over Anakin.
As the song was reaching its peak, you were oblivious to the sleek, black jeep that pulled into your driveway. Your room perched in the back of the house, anyway, so it was hard to hear over the shower and the music, along with your own humming. You were unaware of the unlocking of your front door, which Anakin had a key to, and the sound of his footsteps bustling up the stairs of your home. Which would have been bad, had it been an intruder, but it was just your good ol' Anakin.
As he made his way up the stairs, he heard the music in the shower, and the sound of your voice, the murmurs of lyrics you sang along to. He also heard the familiar pattering of your bathroom, having also showered here one too many times after games. Your bathroom was attached to your room, and he didn't want to disrupt, so he simply opened your door and sat on your bed.
When he walked in though, he was shocked. Your entire safe space was in disarray, a mirror of your emotions. If there was one thing about you, though, it was that you were a tad bit messy, but never this bad. He frowned at the thought, and decided to lay back on your messy bed, pulling out his phone to check the time. You should be out soon right?
But as fifteen minutes passed, he was getting impatient. He strolled up to your door, knocking softly.
"Mom, I thought you were at Shmi's?" Your voice was raspy, and quieter than normal, a pang resonating in his heart.
"It's me," he softly said, hand on the door.
You were struck with shock, sitting up immediately, feeling guilty and overwhelmed suddenly.
"I'm busy, come back later?" You pleaded, hoping to avoid him. But if anything, Anakin was persistent, and when he says he's doing to do something, he'll do it. Your brain had hoped silently that he'd take it, making his way out, so you wouldn't have to face him.
He shook his head, "No. We need to talk, now. Are you almost done?" he inquired, leaning his side on the door now, dragging his fingertips over the ridges of the wooden door. You didn't respond, and he didn't hear any movement, so he continued to press. "I swear to God, Y/N, I'll come in there if I have to."
Fear struck your veins, and you stayed silent, hoping he'd go away. "We can talk later, I'm busy," you simply replied, shaking your head at his perseverance. You always adored that about him, but now was a bad time for him to do so. Now, you wanted him gone. He was no longer your sanctuary, but a cause of fear and pain to you. Knowing him, though, he wouldn't stop.
And you were right.
You heard the handle jiggle a little bit, before a groan was let out behind the door. "There is no need to lock the door in your own home," he sighed, turning back to your room. A bobby pin should work, right?
"It's to prevent people from coming in, y'know, like you're trying to do," you rolled your eyes and scoffed, borders and walls making their way back up. You heard his footsteps walking away from the door, letting out a breath you didn't know you were holding. One obstacle down, right?
But then, you heard the jiggling of the doorknob again, and the click of the lock, and a sense of alarm surged through your veins. "I'm coming in," he announced sternly, before you heard the creak of your bathroom door opening. He had successfully found your bobby pins littered around your vanity, from various updo's you'd style your hair with during school. For a second, he was glad for the mess, which allowed him to find it so easily.
"I'm naked!" You screeched, though the shower curtain covered anything he could possibly see.
He chuckled, scoffing, "I've seen you before," he sarcastically uttered, hands finding purchase on the counter behind him, facing the curtain. The only barrier between you and him in the current moment.
"Yeah, when we were four, asshole," you shot back defensively, groaning at his antics. You still continued to attempt to avoid him, dragging out your shower for as long as possible.
Anakin grabbed the towel off of the seat, reaching into the curtain to shut the water off. "Get out," he demanded, "or I will personally come in there and wrap you in the towel myself," his aggression didn't go unnoticed, knowing now that something was definitely wrong between you and him.
"Fuck, fine," you sneered, standing up and reaching out for your towel, which he handed to you through the curtain. You stood up, wrapping yourself, and peeking through the curtain. Shit, he still looked as beautiful as ever. Even more than the photos you would look at while letting sobs escape your lips. He wore a white ribbed tank top, paired with gray sweatpants, hung low on his hips. He looked like a mess himself, curly hair frayed at his neck, sticking to the skin from the steam.
He raised a brow, looking away in respect for you. "Go get changed, I'll wait here," he muttered, allowing you to be at least respectable before he confronted you. As a result, you zoomed past him, quickly grabbing a pair of drawstring shorts and a hoodie, knowing you wouldn't have to waste time on a bra if you were in something baggier. After slipping into your clothes in your closet, you opened up the bathroom door again, and he followed you forward to the center of your room.
He eyed you up and down, finally taking in your features and your state. Though your hair was dripping wet, he didn't miss the puffy circles around your eyes and the split lip you often had when you worried about something too much. His face softened, ever so slightly, as you sat on the bed in front of him, while he continued to stand in front of your figure.
He broke the silence as soon as you sat, "Y/N..." Anakin muttered, folding his hands across his chest in front of you. You gulped, picking at the strings hanging loose from your shorts, "what's so important that you had to interrupt my shower for?"
"You act like you were doing something important. You've been ignoring everyone for days now," he began, eyeing you up and down as you fidgeted and avoided his eyes. Those damn eyes.
"I was, I was showering. Hygiene is important, Anakin," you retorted, turning your head to the window on your left.
"You know what I mean," he opened up his stance, running a hand through his hair. You hardly ever called him Anakin anymore, just Ani. The fact that you used his first name sent shivers down his spine.
"What do you mean?" You inquired, acting oblivious, hoping he'd leave and let you go back to your previous state. Though, as mentioned, when Anakin was determined to do something, he'd do it.
He took a step closer to you, peering down, "You've been avoiding me for days now. Everyone, for days now," he pouted slightly. "You promised you'd tell me everything, so what's going on? You know I don't judge," he assured you, getting down to face you, sitting cross legged on the carpet of your room.
"It's nothing, I promise," You said the same thing you've told your mother consistently. "It's nothing," you repeated.
"It's not nothing, if it's got you like this," he tried to smile warmly, show you he was there, to bring comfort, to bring peace to your mind. "Yeah, well, it's not something I'd like to share with you."
Now that stung, a pain radiating in his very bones, your words leaving him stunned momentarily. You shared almost everything with him. Everything that ever stressed you, he'd hug you and distract you until you were a laughing and smiling disaster. You had never been so closed off, so defensive.
Unknowingly, unintentionally, he shot back, "I've given you every piece of me to show you how open I am, and you can't do the same back? What happened to you?"
Venom laced his voice, making you finally face him. It made the blow all the more easier, while it also gave you a heartache you couldn't possibly fathom. "Life happened, Anakin. We're no longer silly teenagers living our lives, we're adults. We're growing apart," you let your arms fall to your sides, helpless to the heat and tension growing between you two.
"We're about to go off to college, and I've been spending every waking moment with you. We didn't just drift, something changed. I'm trying my hardest to be here, you know? Support you, give you a hand, and you won't even open up," he shifted uncomfortably, sensing an argument arising, which has never before occurred between the two of you.
"It's nothing you can help, Anakin. It's out of your control, so leave it be, and get out," you persisted.
"Get out? Get out?" He shot straight up, standing up in front of you, inching closer to your balled up figure facing him. "You don't kick me out of a place that is basically my second home," he raised his voice, causing you to stand up to face him at the same time.
Before you could speak though, he continued his banter, "So you admit something is wrong," he pointed to your chest, jabbing your collarbone while he spoke the words, voice booming out in the silence of your bedroom. Your stance was less defensive now, as he slowly broke down the barrier, and he continued, yet again.
"I told you, it's nothing you can help with," you replied with a hushed, raspy voice, not wanting to bicker.
"Just tell me what it is, then? Is it school? Because while I may not be as smart as you, I have damn well studied for hours on end with you. I have given up movie nights, going out with you, for all of that shit. You're perfectly fine. You're set. You've got a scholarship, and you'll be fine!"
He continued to step closer to you, closing the space ever so slowly, as you shrunk under his words. "If it's your daddy, fine! But I watched the divorce, the split happen. I watched as you were torn between your parents, and held your hand through that!"
"So tell me, Y/N, what is different this time around?"
Your throat was dry, not wanting to respond, everything seeming so stupid now. How were you supposed to admit, right to his face, it was him? Anakin, the one who held you, the one who made you laugh, the one making you cry yourself to sleep.
"Is it boy troubles? Because I haven't seen any man swoop down and carry you in his arms, and I would have heard about it from your mom. You haven't told her shit, either. So it's got to be pressing you, huh? Just let it out!"
He continued his verbal attacks on you, his frustrations from everything being let out on you. You wanted to shrink back, run away, but there was nowhere to go. Your gut was churning, bubbling, as a sob almost escaped your throat. "You wouldn't get it!"
"Yeah, I don't fucking get it because you won't tell anyone what's wrong," he immediately responded, again taking another step closer. You swatted the hand that was on your chest away, pushing him back from the close proximity. He stumbled, catching his balance, before turning to the side and letting out a low chuckle. "I see."
He saw the polaroids of you and him, laying on your nightstand, shaking his head, "It's me, huh? What the hell did I do? Just tell me," he almost begged, yelling at the top of his lungs at this point. You glanced back and let tears finally escape your eyes, sniffling from the flow. He noticed, slightly softening, as you began to yell back, finally breaking the dam.
"It is you, idiot! Everything about you. The way you laugh, the way you smile at girls like they're everything to you, bring them home at night to cuddle and hold them. It's the way you style your hair, and the way you saunter with your huge fucking ego!"
Oh, now he was confused. You despised his guts because of the way he was? Always has been?
"And you know- you know, I wish I was one of those girls! But you've never even looked at me that way, Anakin! That's the issue! That you've been so oblivious to the way I've wanted you, turning around and fucking other girls while I wait at home for your text that you're safe! It's all of it, Anakin," you let out a choked sob in the midst of your sentence, looking him directly in the eyes, "You go around and play football and don't even give me a sideways glance in the stands! It's so, so wrong to feel this way about you, someone I'm just supposed to care about. But no, I fucking love you, Anakin, and it hurts, it hurts so much. You sit and flirt with the cheerleaders in the cafeteria, giving them kisses on their temples and wrapping your arm around them, in public! But I will never, ever, be one of those girls to you. I will always be the best friend. I will never get to feel you longing for me, and never get to feel you loving me the same! That's what's wrong!"
You finished, letting out a huff, and realizing what you had done. Anakin stayed silent, processing your words, mouth open in shock. You were so terrified, yet so relieved that you had let everything out all at once. You knew now that you had crossed a line, broken a border down in your relationship with him. It had turned from sweet, innocent bliss, to rage and despair, mixed with love and fury. You knew you could never come back from this, back from the words that flew out of your mouth. You were desperate for him, and you would worship the ground he walked on if it meant you could receive one backwards glance held with the passion he held for the other women. But you knew you'd never get that, and you'd spend all of your life searching for a person to fill the hole he created in your heart, but never quite filling it up fully. It would be like a bandaid, covering it up temporarily, but the wound would still exist. It would still rot underneath your skin.
"You mean it?" Anakin simply said, words quiet, as he took a step towards you again, looking into what felt like your soul.
"Every goddamn word."
As soon as the curse left your lips, he grabbed you so swiftly, so tenderly, colliding his body with yours as his breath fanned across your lips, waiting for you to say no. You froze instinctively, still coming to terms with the fact that his hand was laid on the small of your back, the other placed on the back of your head, inching you closer. Before you knew it, the feeling of his lips encompassed yours, with unspoken feelings reverberating through the action. You immediately kissed back, gripping his shirt with the arms in front of you, pulling him instinctively closer. He pushed your frame impossibly close to his, wrapping his arm tighter around you, clutching onto the hoodie you wore.
His hand had gripped your sopping wet hair, earning a small noise elicited from your mouth into his, leaving his kiss softening in satisfaction. It was filled with need, hunger, and years of built up frustration. He handled you so softly, as if you would break, tears still streaming down your cheeks. A sob wracked your chest again, causing him to pull away.
"How in the world could you think I could never love you?" He questioned, bringing you into a hug. You continued to clutch his chest, squeezing your eyes shut. He gingerly set you down to sit in front of him, while he kneeled between your legs. His hands were placed on your knees, looking up at you, as if you were a goddess bestowed upon him.
"I'm not them. I'm not the cheerleaders, or the dancers, or the athletes you date. Look at me, Ani," you grabbed onto his hands, squeezing. His expression showed guilt, love, and anger. Anger at himself, for ever making you feel like this. For ever making you feel like you were the second option, and that he could never adore you. Because for years, he has.
"Oh, honey, you are so much more than them," he brought a hand up to cup your cheek. "I have loved you for so long, I can't believe you ever felt this way," he mumbled, kissing your knees after he uttered the sentiment. "You are everything to me."
He wiped the tears off of your cheeks with his hand, raising himself on his knees slightly. "I'm so sorry I ever made you feel that way, because you are my first and forever love."
"You mean it?" You mocked him, your normal attitude coming back to life. He grinned like a cheshire cat, watching you beam back in the midst of tears.
"Every goddamn word," he mocked back, grabbing your hands and placing kisses on them, "you could never compare to any other girl. You are worth so much more to me, I promise. You are my sun and my moon, my stars, I revolve around you. I love you, so much," he praised you, placing one of your hands on his cheek.
You began to cry again, tears of happiness this time, knowing it was okay.
"No, no, don't cry baby, please," he kneeled up, know facing you directly. "You're too pretty to cry."
You shook your head in disbelief, looking down at your lap.
He kisses your forehead, softly, bringing you close to him. "I'm so sorry," he profusely apologized. He left kisses down the side of your face, peppering you, before meeting your lips again, where you wrapped your arms around his neck as he hunched over. He never once disconnected your kiss as he hooked his hands under your thighs, pushing you back on the bed and under him. The kiss grew more needy, more desperate, as his hands rubbed your outer thighs, guiding them to wrap around his waist. As you did so, you pulled him down closer to you, your two bodies moving in sync with love, care, and adoration.
You tugged on his hair, making him grunt softly into your mouth, making you giggle slightly. "What was that, hm?" You mumbled into the kiss. You honestly were lost with what you were doing, your first kiss taking place on the playground at recess, and had never gone as far as to continue kissing someone.
"God— you, Y/N," he pulled away, looking at you from above, the locks of hair falling from his head, caressing his jaw. He scanned your face for any hesitance, any doubts, and in finding none, he leaned back down, caressing your arms in the process.
"Wait, Ani," you stopped him before his lips could meet yours, bringing one hand to trace along his jaw. "I've never done anything like this before," you mumbled, partially out of embarrassment and nervousness. He had then begun to pull away fully, out of respect for you, before you trapped his hips in with your calves, pulling him back down.
"We don't have to do anything, I promise, I don't expect anything from you, nothing— I swear," he promised, grinning at you from above. "I want you to feel as comfortable as possible," he told you, realization hitting him that you most likely had never done anything beyond kissing, and he didn't want to pressure you into anything you wouldn't want.
"No, that's not what I mean. Ani, I want to," you told him, the heat growing between your bodies, his sweatpants and your shorts being a soft barrier between what could occur.
"You want to?" He questioned, anticipation almost hurting him in his core. You were willing to give him one of the most treasured, most vulnerable parts of yourself, to him, and he couldn't quite fathom that.
"Yes. Anakin, I've always wanted to do this with you, since I knew I fell in love," you leaned up to kiss his cheek, then you kissed the shell of his ear, whispering, "let me be yours."
With that, he bent down to kiss you again, gentle hands and tender touches. "I'll be careful, and tell me if you want to stop at any point, okay?"
You nodded, bringing him back down to you, yet again, as the kiss grew heated. His tongue swiped along your bottom lip, allowing you to open your mouth, letting his own wrap around yours and explore your mouth. The feeling itself was sensational, and you wished you had confessed sooner. Your hips bucked up to meet his, knowing only clothing separated you two. You reached down to tug on his shirt, enticing him.
He sat up, ripping his shirt off quickly, and you took the time to admire him. While you had seen it many times throughout the years, you couldn't get enough, knowing this was the man who loved you, who adored you, who pledged himself to you. Your hand traced along his abdomen, and up his chest, with slow circles and movements.
He looked down to you and your hoodie for permission, to which you grew embarrassed and shy. He stopped, again, tracing his hand along your hip, "What's wrong?"
"I'm not wearing a bra, Ani," you muttered with embarrassment, and he looked at you inquisitively at the fact. "Honey, do you know—"
You interrupted him, mid laugh, "Yes, I know, I'm just nervous. My body, and uh—"
You were cut off, almost immediately, with a tut from him. "You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen. I promise," he told you, looking at you as if you'd break with a single touch or glance.
You nodded, beginning to lift your shirt up yourself, before he stopped you, kissing you and setting your wrists down. "Let me show you how much I love you," he told you, so sincerely, that you felt your body heat up and tense.
His fingers found the bottom of the garment, beginning to lift it over your head, as you lifted your arms up for him to slip it off of you.
He could have practically cum at the sight.
He was met with your soft skin, only for him to see, and his sweatpants tightened ever so slightly. Your breasts splayed out, tummy revealed, and it was all for him. Would forever only be for Anakin.
He kissed you again as you held him, trailing pecks down your cheek, and to your neck, where he suckled the skin and nibbled. You whimpered quietly, never having even thinking you could let out anything from kisses.
"You're so, so beautiful. Sculpted by the gods themselves, I swear. If I could worship a statue of you at a temple, I could," he whispered into your collarbone, moving his pecks downward. You became inherently flustered at his words, a garbled mess, until his breath was fanning in between your sternum. His palms found your ribs, inching upward to your breasts, thumb teasing over your nipple. The contact jolted you, overly sensitive and becoming needy for him to make love to you.
"So divine, I swear," he spoke over your nipple, before his mouth latched onto it, suckling like it would be the last thing he ever tasted. Yet, at the same time, it was so pure. Merciful whimpers left your garbled throat, hands tugging on the hair at the nape of his neck.
He switched over to the other breast, the other one being caressed with his saliva coating it, hardening at the contact. He let his teeth drag along the peak, almost teasingly, before kissing the bud and moving downwards.
He moved down to your tummy, kissing all over. His tongue licked a stripe from your sternum to your navel, then kissing the skin above your shorts. "No matter how insecure you are, your tummy is perfect," he mumbled into the skin, teeth gently grazing the skin as he sweet talked into your skin, lust filling his eyes as he made eye contact with you from above him.
"Anakin, I need you," you muttered, not able to hold the eye contact as he sat between your legs, where you needed him most. He smirked, nodding as he did so, "I know, baby, just wanna take my sweet time with you," he spoke, so close to your core, where your desire lingered for him. He could practically taste it as well, bending down lower, his teeth biting on the waistband of the fabric, slowly pulling it down. His other hand met the other hip, assisting in his teasingly slow antics. He shimmied the shorts off, looking back to where you laid underneath him. He adored you, to say the least, and the way you're looking at him as him twitching in his pants. Desire and need are painted all over your expression, as he finally looked down to your panties.
He noticed the damp spot on the gray cotton, his mind going crazy. He did this to you. God, he loved it.
He kissed the wet spot, earning a small noise that strangled it's way out your mouth. Those damn noises to him, would be the death of Anakin himself. He then looked up, "Is this okay?" He questioned, wanting to make sure you were alright more than anything.
"Yes, please, Ani," you begged, watching him then tauntingly pull the fabric down your hips. Before looking, he begins to kiss the inside of your thighs, tongue dragging along the plush of the skin. The freckles and moles and scars, everything, he was taking in as he tasted you. It was perfect to him. You are perfect. He wanted to make sure you knew that as well, his attention switching to the other leg, repeating the same tantalizing licks and nips and kisses, sucking gently as he got closer to your center, leaving light hickeys and eliciting noises from you.
He then made eye contact with where you needed him most, a small sigh of his breath leaving a tingling sensation for you. "All of this, for me? You're too good to me," he spoke, before taking his first lick, a stripe from your entrance to your clit, groaning at the taste of you. "Y'taste so heavenly, honey, please," he begged for nothing, knowing he already had you as putty in his hands. You fell limp as he pressed a damp kiss to your clit, using one hand to pull back your folds for him. You were glistening with desire, leaking onto your sheets. He was disappointed he couldn't take the chance to lick it up off of the sheets, your hole twitching and practically clenching at this point.
He began his attacks on you, slow and steady, trying not to overwhelm you. Moans began to fill the room, letting him know he was doing a good job, only using his tongue at this point. "S'good," you spoke out, and he hummed in response, smiling in his head. All he wants is to make you feel good. This is an apology, devotion, and need all in one.
The vibrations sent shivers up your spine, fingers clutching the sheets beside you. His other hand was keeping your legs apart, the incessant twitching making him rut into the end of the bed. This wasn't about him though, this was about you.
His tongue prodded your entrance, scooping up whatever was leaking out, and he swallowed it graciously. "You're doing so well, my love," he praised. You hummed in response, not being able to form coherent words, even though he was the one with his mouth occupied. The hand spreading your folds twisted, allowing for his thumb to start slow, gentle circles around your clit.
"Is this good? Do you feel good, darling?" He asked, looking up to you as you nodded feverishly, in a haze of love and lust all at once. Your brain was clouded with the pleasure of Anakin between your legs, lapping you up like you were his final meal on death row. His thumb circling your nub, and his tongue swirling around your walls, gummy and slick with his saliva and your desire. He loved every second of it, your squirming and your hips rolling on his mouth, suffocating him in the best way possible.
His thumb began to speed up, and your hands found their way to his hair, pulling him closer and gripping on for dear life. And he hasn't even inserted fingers yet.
The heat between your legs grew stronger, as minutes passed of torturous circles and slow licks and prods, before you begged for him more. "Fingers, something, Ani," you managed to make out some words, jello and oozing into his palms and mouth. He chuckled at your eagerness, now using his hand he was using to hold your legs apart to wrap your legs behind his back, heels digging into the muscular blades of his shoulders. A single digit slowly entered you, curling inside, arching your back off of the sheets. His tongue moved up to your clit, suctioning the bud, and gently nibbling as his finger began a new pace. It was steady, almost leisurely, as he inserted a second finger, scissoring at your entrance. You were so, so tight, and it was heavenly to him. "Ani, faster, please," you commanded, and he damn well listened like an obedient dog, picking up the pace and curling inside of you each time, his thick fingers searching for the spot that would make you see stars. One your own fingers could hardly reach.
As he sped up and became more passionate with it, your legs trembled from overwhelming excitement and anticipation. You felt the knot beginning to form, one you had only reached on your own, while always thinking of this. Your moans became more strangled and raspy, his mouth never leaving his assault on your clit, and his fingers squelching from your wetness between your legs. The smell, the taste, everything was undeniably delicious to him. This was his Y/N, the one he pined after for so long, the girl of his dreams.
Your pussy began to ache, an overwhelming sense of your release approaching. With whatever you could make out, you uttered in a strangled mess, "C-cum, Ani, 'M gonna."
He began to get more aggressive with his suckles, and his eyes looked up to your expression as your breasts shook with every breath you took, head lolled back from the craving you had- no, the need you had for him. He felt your walls clench around him as your release was coming, his eyes never leaving you. "Good girl, I wanna see that pretty face look at me while you cum," he quickly reattached his mouth to you, the words themselves making your orgasm hit you like a trainwreck. Your eyes never left his, though they rolled into the back of your head momentarily. He felt the flutter, and the clenching of your legs around his head as you finished, his mouth licking up the last of you as he finally pulled away. "You did so well, baby. We can stop here if you want," he assured you, licking his fingers clean as he leaned up to cup your face and kiss your neck.
"I want to feel you inside of me," your lips were flush and swollen from the kissing and biting you had done, and your checks were splotched with redness as he nodded. "Fuck, you're so perfect," he guaranteed your utmost comfortability and contentment. "If you're sure."
He began to pull down his boxers and sweats in a swift motion with one hand, the other propping him up so he could kiss your cheeks sweetly and with care. "You're doing amazing."
You grinned and kissed him, tasting yourself on his lips eagerly. Sweat beaded your foreheads, but the mess created never stopped either of you from continuing. He kissed your forehead, then both of your cheeks, before dragging his lips down to the corner of your mouth. He pulled away momentarily, hands reaching down to stretch you with his fingers. You glanced down to below his navel, and holy shit, was he big.
"It'll fit?" You questioned, your naïveté getting the best of you in the moment.
He chuckled, grinning and looking down at you waiting for him. He took a mental picture, analyzing every possible detail of your bare skin, and the way you looked right now. He was infatuated with you before, but this sight under him, left precum leaking from his tip. His fantasies could have never compared to this sight of him between your legs. "Yes, it will. It'll hurt at first, okay? And tell me to slow down or stop at any point, promise?"
You nodded your head eagerly, "I promise," so grateful for the way he was praising and taking care of your needs over his.
He kissed you again, dragging his tip along your folds. The red and swollen cock in front of you had you nearly drooling, but you decided to save that for another point in time.
"Are you ready?" He asked tenderly, kissing along your neck, tapping your clit with the head of his cock. "Yes, please," you chanted over and over again, like a prayer on your lips.
He let out a quiet hum, slowly pressing his tip into your folds. It slowly slipped past your entrance, earning a hiss from between your teeth.
"Are you okay?" Anakin immediately asked, though not pulling out, so he could look you in the eye, his gaze wavering slightly.
"Mhm, just hurts," you felt tears prick the corner of your eyes, and Anakin knows you've never been someone with a high pain tolerance. "Shh, it's okay, I've got you," he comforted you, pressing a small kiss to your lips, waiting for you to nod to continue. It didn't matter that even your entrance was gripping him like a fucking vice, he wanted you to feel as safe and pleasured as possible.
You made eye contact with him, nodding slowly, as he pushed in a little more, your hands finding his biceps, caged around your head, nails digging into his skin and leaving welts. It hurts, but you expected it. And there was nobody else in all the universe you would rather give your virginity to, just Anakin himself.
"You're doing such a great job, taking me so well," he smiled, hoping his voice would bring you a sense of oasis in the middle of his cock piercing through your insides. "Think you can take a little more?"
You nodded, as one hand reached down to press on your thigh, as he felt your pussy clench him so tightly, knowing you were his. Made for him. "Relax, it'll help it hurt less baby, I promise," he told you, rubbing sweet circles on your leg.
He felt your body loosen up, and he was able to bottom out into you, and his tip kissed your walls, a whimper of pain and pleasure entering his mouth from the kiss he gave you. "Good girl," he whispered into your mouth, making sure he was to never break eye contact in this moment. It was so pure, so sinful, and such a precious moment. He was lingering inside of you, movements stilled, no matter how badly he wanted to pound into you until you were crying into the sheets. You bucked your hips up, enticing him to move, and he got the memo.
It wasn't full throttled thrusts, but slow and lazy pumps in and out of you, waiting for the pain to subside. He felt so amazing inside of you, with your warmth and wetness connecting you both. The closest he could ever get to you, and he never thought he would be here. He was savoring every clench, every thrust, and every moment like it would be his last. Because it was you, and he loved you so dearly, he wanted this to be perfect for you.
Your back arched, your pussy twitched around him, all the while he was still slowly going in and out. It was celestial, the way you moaned and let out slurred words of his name, eyes half lidded and already looking fucked out, a devious and wanton expression he'd commit to memory. "Ani," you made out, grabbing the hand on your leg and placing it on your core. He understood, starting to rub spirals under the red and swollen hood of your clit, picking up his pace. Then, the pain has completely subsided, turning into seraphic pleasure, his eyebrows creating a wrinkle as they furrowed. His own pants and grunts left his lips, chest heaving from the bliss he was subdued in. He was immersed in you completely, mentally and physically. You looked so angelic, even godly, as your bodies connected in the most unholy way possible.
He had waited too long for this.
Your warm and inviting, virgin pussy, saved all for him. And now you were underneath him, his cock filling every inch of you, and each time he bottomed out his tip would meet your cervix, but not hard enough to hurt you. He treasured you, wanting the moment to last as long as possible.
"Faster, Ani, I'm okay," you rested your hand on his head, pushing his hair out of his eyes, as he tried so hard to contain himself so you could feel loved for every second of it. He got off on you feeling so cherished under him, and you had never felt more adoration than in the present.
He listened though, picking him his pace, hips snapping so scrumptiously against you. You could hardly moan anymore, and you broke the eye contact, head rolling back and hitting your pillows from the amount of satisfaction you gained. He took the opportunity to look down at where your bodies met, watching his length slide in and out of you, coated in the sticky sweetness of your serene need for him. His eyes glanced over your body, watching as your tits bounced with every jolt of his body, and he almost creamed at the very sight. He was going to wait though, until you came, to ever think of cumming.
"S'well, baby, you feel so good wrapped around me. You're so beautiful, God. I could do this for hours," he praised you, feeling your pussy clench around him at the simple, yet overwhelming words. The way the plush of your thighs jiggled with every little movement, and the way your tummy followed with. He was encompassed in serenity for every second of it.
"M'gonna cum," you mustered out, warning him of your second release, building quicker than the prior one. "Go ahead, my love, whenever you feel like it," he said between pants and grunts, thumb still circling around your clit as he felt you get all the more tighter.
He sped up his pace, shifting his body to the right, the angle directly hitting that spongey spot inside of you that had you seeing stars. Your hands began to dig into his shoulders, the knot tightening. He could tell, watching as your thighs clenched and you let out the most wanton cry of his name, cumming around his cock.
The feeling and satisfaction of you finishing left him close to his own release, pulling your head down to look at him. "'S it okay if- fuck- I cum?"
"Cum in me, Ani, fill me up," you assured him, still whimpering from overstimulation and groaning at the feeling of him fucking your cum back into you.
His breaths were shakier, turning into soft whimpers and groans as you felt his thrusts grow messy, and soon still, feeling a gush of warmth inside of you, filling you to the brim. He stayed there for a moment, sighing as his cock softened, not wanting to pull out and disconnect from you in the most intimate way possible. He knew he had to though, as he pulled out slowly, leaving you feeling empty and lost.
You let out a breath of air, leaning up to kiss him. He happily obliged, rubbing sweet patterns along your hips, tracing the dips and curves with his index finger, soothing you after your release.
He leaned up quickly, making you feel cold, empty, and lost. Was he already leaving?
But no, he came back with a warm washcloth, leaning between your legs again. He came face to face with your cum and his load leaking out of you, beginning to drag wet and sloppy kisses on your knees as he ever so gently wiped up what was leaking out of you, and the mess and sweat off of your thighs. The residue piled along the fabric, which he then wiped his soft cock with, running back to your bathroom to throw it in the hamper. He crawled back into bed with you as you turned over on your side, the room smelling of sex and love.
"I'm so proud of you, you did so well," he told you, wrapping an arm around you and bringing you close to him, so you could lay your head on his chest. His palm rubbed along the small of your back, tracing up your spine.
"Thank you, I don't think I could have asked for someone better to do it with," you smiled, an after sex glow making you all the more beautiful to him.
"Does this mean you're my boyfriend now?" You asked, and a dumbfounded expression was plastered on Anakin's face, causing you to worry momentarily.
"I would assume so, but only if you'll have me," he spoke into your hair, bare and naked bodies intertwined under the cold sheets. "Of course I'll have you," you comforted him, hands tracing the curve of his biceps. "You're my forever, Anakin."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
224 notes · View notes
skyrigel · 1 day
Note
I’m so glad you take requests for Anthony bridgerton. I’ve been in the mood to read angst with happy endings for so looong😫 so could I request Anthony bridgerton x wife angst where they have an argument/fight because he is stressed so he takes his anger out on her so she ends up giving him the silent treatment while he basically begs for her forgiveness
Say nothing then || A.B
Pairing: Anthony bridgerton x wife!reader
Warning: hurt/angst, superstitious thoughts, Anthony doesn't think he could outlive his father. ( Happy ending and little comfort, i promise.)
Rigel's note 🪩 : Thankyou so much for requesting, absolutely heart breaking to write this one, I took inspo from book, Anthony denying love because he saw his mother going in depression when his father died and taylor swift's lyric I said, "I love you" (I said, "I love you") You say nothin' back . I hope i did justice with this one sweetheart <3
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That's the way you loved Anthony, truly and completely and sometimes it was so hard to keep it in, it slipped through your lips everytime you kissed him. Pressing down in his skin and tickling his heart that was yours.
It gazed at him, dusk or dawn, ever so lovely, it scribbled down in your ink, leaving your love trailing down behind him.
When Anthony told you he would give you anything, you believed him, when he said he just wouldn't love you, you didn't.
That's not how it goes, perhaps you were naive and blinded but that, it was love that glinted in his eyes everytime he looked at you. When he would smile and reveal the book you yearned to read, hidden behind his back. When he danced more than any husband did with his wife so you didn't believe when Anthony said he wouldn't love you, that was only a matter of time.
However, there's difference between wouldn't and couldn't, Anthony was scared to love, for he knew it's a force and he would be damned if you were to be left heartbroken just like his mother, he would curse himself if he didn't wake when you would call out for him when he was dea Because Anthony was sure, he bloody knew he wouldn't be able to live past his father and in no universe he would want to see you begging, crying and slowly drifting away. Lost and sad, no.
So he wouldn't love you and he would save you from the greater grief, of getting left behind while the other is gone.
But love became too much sometimes, held too much of your heart and body and soul that it demanded to fly and then one such night, all the chains tattered and it was bleeding raw and fresh—
" I love you." You said, like you did every passing moment but oops you had said it now, in words and sound as Anthony kissed the back of your ear, it was the first time the words ever experienced by the nature, no doubt you had said it with every kiss, every touch, every gesture but this was new.
Anthony freezed above you, hands dropping whatever mischief they had in tow.
He pulled away from you in a blink of your eye and it took you a moment to realise what went wrong.
" Anthony ? Are you..you are okay honey ? " You whsipered, he didn't look at you, staring at his hands as he could see a story you couldn't.
" I.. Anthony ? " You said again because it scared you, Anthony wasn't the one to look away, all the things that scared you was nothing against the terror, the sinking gut wrenching feeling you felt when Anthony fliched at your touch and you shivered in ache. No, don't leave me. Please, please.
It was another pain to see Anthony like a stranger, like he didn't know you. He would, he promised he would know you anywhere but this, it was threatening.
" What did you say ? " You almost thought it was the voices in your head, the agony that coated the words could never be from him.
Never to you, he was drifting away with each heavy moment and the person who was at the edge of your bed, in your shared chamber, smelling like you, wasn't the person you knew.
" Anthony—" you tried, you couldn't help the choking of your throat as those eyes were fuming in rage, maybe there was love, hiding somewhere but you couldn't find it and it broke your heart. Anthony couldn't be right.
" You don't mean that ! " He was screaming, his whole body shaking as his fist slammed the mattress in fit of rage.
A strangled hiccup escaped your throat when Anthony gripped your shoulder, hard but not bruising, like he wanted to shake you out of this feeling. He couldn't.
" You don't understand, love, love, love—" he almost cried, his nose reddening, his whole face was burning.
" —its stupid ! Means nothing, does nothing, it takes away everything..." His voice tore down deep inside you, like breaking membranes and dropping vases, it could never be the same.
" You don't understand... don't say it ! You stupid woman ! " He bellowed when you worked your jaw to say something, Don't say it, I love you—
I love you, please, please, let me love you—
But just as he said it, it wasn't Anthony, it was like your mama reminding you how stupid you were, stupid, stupid girl, she would say.
Stupid woman, he had said and everything else was slowly fading, it was starting to slow down, like watching it from away, in different bodies, like you were the doorknob or the painting on the wall because you were crumbling under his touch.
Anthony mere few inches away and you wondered what he would do if you kissed him just then, would he stop this torment?
Would he pull away, back then he didn't when they were your silent ' I love you's ' instead he drank them in, tasted your love raw and wild and now refused them in sound and wave.
" What should I say Anthony ? " You were sure they never made it out, lost somewhere in void, perhaps still coiling around your cartilage but the shocked silence that echoed between the little space between you reminded you how words crawled out after all. Even those meant to be quiet. I love you.
" Say nothing then." His voice is so small that barely register and before you could, he's inhaling large gulps of air, drifting back and back and his eyes not quite meeting yours until he turned his back to you.
He was gone for the night.
Say nothing then.
He wasn't there for the breakfast.
Say nothing then.
He wasn't there the next day.
Say nothing then.
And the day next, and one that followed—
Until you reasiled you haven't said anything in days, it wasn't so bad afterall, it was, very, very bad and lonely but it was okay, as long as Anthony would come back, it should be.
It was very quiet when Anthony stumbled back, his steps shaking and vision dizzy.
He was terribly pissed. You turned the page you only half read and focused hard on the words, Anthony stripped his clothes as he climbed the bed next to you, in an attempt to kiss your forehead like he did every night.
He wasn't there to do it for days and you didn't sleep, it could surely go on, you pulled away.
Something hurt flashed through his eyes and he looked down at the sheets, chest heaving with untaken breaths.
" Good night Viscountess." He whsipered softly and You said nothing back.
Say nothing then.
You weren't sure how you did it but you managed to untangle yourself from Anthony by dawn, you slept for the first time in days and it was over with a series of dreams, each ended with you saying I love you and Anthony saying nothing back.
Silence was louder than words, it was also harsher than words.
Watching Anthony sleep was like playing we're good with him , you weren't sure if you could cry anymore than you had already.
It felt like nothing happened and it could go back to be like before, you could press your love to his skin and it wouldn't burn and leave scars.
But you didn't want that, that was something it had became unbearable, when love bled through you, it was unstoppable and you realised how you will love him enough to make it up for both of you but he wouldn't let you. He wouldn't love you either.
The hurt was visible when his hand trembled, he tried hard to catch your eye, you focused at the honey, so sweet. Anthony didn't know but it hurt you all the same. How much burden you felt in your bones when you couldn't tell him all the things you woke up with, to tell him about your dreams — nightmares now, to tell him that you hate him so much, to kiss him until he couldn't breathe and tear everything wrenched out of him, but you couldn't.
All the more heartache when Anthony brought out the third part of your beloved novel and when the smile never came on your lips, only tears that blurred your gaze so much that you turned away from him, Anthony was shattered.
It was the second day, you hadn't said anything at all, inside screaming didn't count as one. You watched ahead as the far, far away trace of green rolling grass from your balcony. It occurred to you how horizon was made, where earth met the sky and here you were, with souls of something same, whatever they were made of, and yet you and Anthony couldn't mingle.
" Isn't it beautiful ? " He looked at you like you would answer him, he hoped too much.
Say nothing then—
" Huh.." he tried to smile, it was so small.
You stared ahead because looking at Anthony only added salt to your wound, it was aggravating.
It was after some slipped moments when he spoke in a strained small voice, hurt and broken and it shivered you.
" I was so scared...still am," he said and his voice broke, a muffled cry escaped him and you looked at him, really. You wanted to wrap your arms around him and shush away every cry, every pain, every sadness.
Say nothing—
" I thought...I thought i could just keep it away, keep you safe..from me, from love—" and he was crying, not sobbing, not whimpering but crying as big warm tears steamed down his face and he dropped to his knees in front of you, hands reaching for you like moth reaching flame and you took him, held him.
Say—
" I..I..I thought.. could—" he sniffed," couldn't, i can't pretend anymore, I don't want to leave you in pain... don't want to leave you in hurt... can't can't can't keep it in." He cried more and more and more matter how much you wiped his tears, but more fell and it was then you realised, they were yours. You were crying too.
" I am sorry, I am so, so sorry for ever hurting your my sweet love—" he swallowed hard.
" Anthony.. it's okay.. it's alright." You assured him, maybe you and him could go with your love only pressed between silence and gestures and eyes and it would be enough.
But you couldn't watch him break, wouldn't and couldn't.
" I love you." He said, voice not shaking, eyes sincere behind the gleaming tears, " I love you, always had, always would." He brought your knuckles to kiss, love pressing down in your skin. It was golden in the last rays of sun.
" Anthony you don't have to say it." You understood, atleast you did. He shaked his head and smiled through his wet face.
" No, no...let me, " he exclaimed, " I love you my baby, my lady." He smiled and it reached his eyes, you giggled softly when he pressed open mouthed kisses on your hands.
" I love you, I love you and I love you." He said, " I am a fool for ever denying it, I am a fool for you my Viscountess." He inhaled, breathing after a very long time.
" I am sorry, I love you so much baby." His lip trembled and you wanted to steady them so bad.
" I love you too Anthony, truly and completely." You kissed his forehead and he melted in your touch, and you didn't know how much time ticked away with loud and whispered and blessed I love you's and that's the way he loved you, truly and completely.
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Rigel's note 🪩 ( again) : I hope this was good, I am such a angst sucker myself<3 request through my ask box :) and can you reblog ? Please, please.
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frmisnow · 1 day
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✧˖ ?! — BIRDS OF A FEATHER.
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summary. a unnecessary fight makes you realize just how much you love your boyfriend!
notes. it should be very evident by now that i freaking love writting fluffy/angsty things from time to time, it's kind of like therapy for me (ESPECIALLY kook) so i rly hope you like this as much as i liked writing it!!🫧₊˚ෆ
warnings/includes. jungkook x non specified! reader (tits mentioned at the end), a bit of angst, they are very in love still (& it's deathly obvious), a bit suggestive, kissing, undressing (?), fluff
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you hated the fact that he was so stubborn, you hated that he always wanted to be right, you hated how he could never leave your side not even once, you hated that he could never shut up- oh how loud of a mouth jungkook had but mostly you despised that he wasn't here right now, in you both's bed.
and you despised how silent this room was now, without his voice blabbering about all the stupid little things he usually rambeled about while you'd try to fall asleep, you despised that you found your mind travelling to the thought of how his day might've been or if the meeting he was stressed about a few days earlier went well or if the coach was uncomfortable to sleep on.
additionally, you firmly hated how there was nothing else in your head then him- it was a sickness that you wanted to get rid off.
But even that would've been a lie, you loved the feeling of love, you loved how whenever you looked into jungkooks eyes your heart pressed tightly together (even if it hurt), you loved how he'd do anything to reassure you, it didn't matter if it was work, your family or your friends- he was always there, there to tell you how 'you'd be fine' and how he 'knows you'll get through this' or how 'proud he was of you'
you sighed deeply, turning around once again if it was jungkooks body on the other side, you would've hugged him, kissed his shoulders and you'd- fuck.
groaning, now deciding to lay straight, looking up to the ceiling, my god- how much you missed him to a level that was practically pathetic.
it was so stupid, the fight you had, you were never the jealous type so you now looking back at it didn't understand why your heart boiled the way it did when you saw one of jungkooks colleagues talk to him like that- maybe it was the way she looked up to him, maybe it was the way her arm layed firmly on his arm almost like massaging his muscles: you remembered how mad you were all of a sudden and how he was defending her during your argument - it didn't help that she was fucking beautiful.
you wouldn't say you were insecure, you knew your worth and jungkook had made it awfully clear how pretty he thought you were but.. man, it still stung.
all the stories you've heard of your friends men cheating and going behind their backs with gorgeous women certaintly did not help and it seemed to be that jungkook was deeply hurt by the fact that you'd assume he'd do something like that.
fuck it.
you tiptoed from the bedroom straight to the living room, finding a rather weirdly curled up distressed-looking sleeping jungkook with a lightly snoring bam on his feet, you got a bit closer to his face, gently removing one strand of his hair of of his face as his eyes slowly opened, the soft smile that formed when you played with his hair earlier, washing away.
you didn't waste even just a second, instantly hugging him, his hands almost mechanically out of sheer response wrapping around you, "i'm sorry," you mumbeled against his chest, shifting further onto him, you wanted to be as close to him as physically possible.
jungkook didn't hesitate either, his hands finding themselves quickly entagled in your hair, oh so gently running through, "i know why you felt the way you did and... i'm sorry too"
you lifted up your head just slightly to kiss a few moles on his neck very delicately like he might just break in the next few seconds, "please come back into our bed and talk me stupid"
he let out a little genuine laugh, "there's nothing I'd rather do- i could've never imagined how uncomfortable this coach was, we need to get a- mmh-" you cut him off by kissing him, his hands instantly cupping your face as you both waddled back to your bedroom, in a mix of making out, groaning and little chuckles.
"i missed you," he mumbeled as his own hands wandered to your velvet pj shirt, "and i missed these tits, very much"
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the next few hours were sleepless, you didn't close your eyes even once, you couldn't believe that you hadn't really looked or listened to your dearest in like two days so now was the perfect time to do just that.
anything- from his meeting to what he had been having for dinner for the past two days and every so often he'd lean down to kiss your face, his hands staying tightly intertwined with yours.
and you'd smile right into his kisses and when you'd smile, he'd follow and then you'd both laugh at your own corniness, way to loud and way to much.
"i don't wanna go to work tommorow," his voice whined right after the both of you finished giggling, "then don't," you shifted closer to his face, placing a few pecks on his lips to highlight your point.
"it doesn't work like that," he grinned, his eyes half-lidded while his hands reached out to your face almost like he was high, you tried your best to avoid his fingers that were desperatly trying to squish your cheecks, "who decides that?"
you bop his nose in the process as jungkooks arms wrap around your shoulders, pulling you even closer to him, mumbling something about, "what if i just magically get sick right now and I'd just have to call in sick... and spend the whole day with my girlfriend, what if that happened?"
you were certaintly in for a treat.
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diagonal-queen · 2 days
Note
Uuuuuuh, an idea has just arrive on my mind🤭 you know that boys usually tease girls they like right? I’m really curious how Tachihara and tecchou would do it… (I’m really curious for tecchou😭)
Teasing their crush
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♡ pairing: Tecchou Suehiro, Tachihara Michizou, Dazai Osamu, Fyodor Dostoyevsky x fem!Reader
♡ synopsis: How do these boys tease the girl that they like (that's you!)?
♡ cw: Swearing, Jouno suffers a lot, Fyodor is toxic as always, mention of suicide, I somehow manage to bring Astarion up here?? (sorry)
note: i know i know. it's been a while, and i apologise. i just have been so so busy. right now i'm in an exhausted trance writing this and i'm certain i'll wake up tomorrow with no recollection of writing it at all. also threw in dazai and fyodor for the sillies i hope you don't miiind~ as always apologies for errors and i hope you enjoy x
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Tecchou:
I cannot see him teasing you.
I'm sorry anon but I just can't see him teasing a girl he likes. He would either be generally nice to her, super awkward but still okay, or just come off as cold and aloof. He wouldn't go out of his way to tease a girl or exchange playful banter with her
If he ever tried to tease he would probably just straight up be mean and insult you or something. And then he wouldn't understand why it didn't work
(Jouno is smacking his head against the wall)
Don't worry. If he's gonna cope with his feelings for you he's gonna do it in a way that benefits you i.e. he's just going to be super obvious about it and not even try to hide it
(update: Jouno is still smacking his head against the wall. someone help him)
Like he'll just openly buy you food and presents and tell you he likes you and like hold your hand and shit?? Tecchou is no-nonsense. He wants to date you, he'll let you know.
And it's not like Tecchou's trying any 'techniques' or anything like that. There is not a THOUGHT behind those beautiful eyes; he's just following his heart <3
Tecchou might be a bit dense when it comes to such socially complicated things as courting, but he's a genuine person and wants to make you feel appreciated, and let you know he loves you. He just does it in the only ways he knows how <3
Tachihara:
The opposite of Tecchou
He's such a teaser. He likes to make jokes with and poke fun at his love interests, but sometimes might go a bit too far with it (If he does he genuinely feels super bad and apologises dw T-T)
Like he's one of those kinds of guys who you would get so caught up in the flirty banter with that you just talk for hours
If you're texting you guys are both kicking your legs and squealing in between texts lowkey, like you're secretly such lovesick dorks but you play it so cool
Some kaguya sama love is war type shit you guys have going on
And god forbid you do this in front of other people. They're probably SO uncomfortable. Like oh my god get a room already (this dot point was ghostwritten by Jouno)
As you two get more and more into it, he becomes less tease-flirty and more sweet-flirty. He genuinely compliments you instead of exchanging little jabs and backhanded teases, and it's so CUTE
He also, for some reason, gets more shy instead of less shy. He blushes, he messes with his hair- AUGH he's so cute
In all honesty no matter what way, shape or form Tachihara flirts with you, even if he's awkward and fumbles each time, he's still such a charmer that you can't help but love him anyway. some messy hair and a sweet boyish grin goes a LONG way!
Dazai:
This is what I like to call Egotistical Flirting
He will tease you by telling you how much you love him, how much other women love him, how wonderful of a guy he is and how great of a deal he's constantly offering you. Yes, the 'deal' in question is dinner and a movie double suicide
And of course you roll your eyes and chuckle, and while he pretends that he's all offended that you aren't openly falling for it, he LOVES that. He loves your affectionate sarcasm and he could milk it out of you for days if he had the time
And he doesn't even wait to even learn your name before he immediately goes full on womaniser. He would just approach you like 'Heyyy~' and it's all downhill from there.
Dazai is a man on a MISSION is what I'm saying
He will also tease you by embarrassing you. He just says the most oUT OF POCKET stuff out of nowhere in public?? He absolutely delights in seeing you get all embarrassed and having you swat at him and scold him
(He's a bit of a masochist don't question it)
Naturally, this is generally a facade to hide the fact that he is hopelessly infatuated with you, and kinda scared of commitment. He hopes you'll accept him as he is but just in case... it's easier to put up a nonchalant front.
Don't worry Dazai. you've got nothing to worry about. :)
Fyodor:
Mind games. Mind games. MIND GAMES
And not the good kind!
He will tease you with this neat little trick he uses called psychological warfare. In his experience it's 100% effective
Fyodor is a toxic little shit. He doesn't often really 'tease' so much as 'neg'. He doesn't quite care too much about your esteem as long as he's able to make you like him back.
You guys know this thing called Ascended Astarion? yeah this is basically just that but ✨ Russian ✨
All this being said he actually does feel affection and love towards you, and he DOES care. He just doesn't want you to reject him, so he'll use any trick necessary to prevent that (regardless of general ethics for the most part)
Fyodor is an all rounder. He'll tease, show genuine affection, neg, flirt, stalk, lovebomb...the whole shebang (I'm sure he asked Nikolai for tips, and I'm even more sure Nikolai had MANY)
Fyodor is just so emotionally out of touch when it comes to other people that he genuinely has no idea how to just...flirt, or even really be casual, like a normal person. It would be sad if he wasn't such a motherfucker
Honestly all of you 'I could fix him' girlies would fall hook line and sinker for this (and I'm allowed to say that because I am one of you)
In the end...man, just date Tachihara
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taglist~ ♡ @gettinshiggywithit, @fyodorhatr, @flower-of-darkness, @bejeweledgirl, @kokoenjiandco, @pinkiipeachiikeen, @call-me-albie
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ppl please. You are making Vaggie stupider than she is in canon
"Why didn't Vaggie know angel weapons could kill angels, when Lute used one to permanently gouge out her eye-"
Because Lute also ripped off her wings, seemingly permanently, WITHOUT using a weapon.
It makes sense that Vaggie would figure only other ANGELS can HURT angels. And that's still not the same as KILLING ONE.
You can say "well if she was scarred then by it then she should've assumed a real attack could have killed her" but why? In hell, Sinners can be TORN APART and pull themselves back together. Why wouldn't Vaggie assume that she can take damage up to a point but still not die? Or that she would just reform again afterwards?
"It was a writing mistake to have Vaggie not confess her past to Charlie before they went to heaven, no believable character would do that-"
It was a character flaw, one many other characters in the show have, and it is very true to life that longer you keep a secret about yourself- especially one you're afraid people will hate you for- the harder it is to admit to it.
We know she feels like her only point in existing is to help Charlie. She said it. And later it ties in perfectly with her backstory of losing everything about herself and being found by Charlie, of rejecting her life killing Sinners and devoting herself to supporting the dream of saving them instead.
We also know the last time she "failed" people in her life she was hurt and abandoned by them. We know her FIRST plan was to NOT go to heaven with Charlie, to try and make some kind of excuse.
But then she couldn't come up with a good excuse. And she couldn't bring herself to say no to her supportive and loving girlfriend. And then they were in heaven, facing a COURT HEARING to decide the fate of SOULS, that her girlfriend would have to argue a case for-
Does that really sound like the best time to drop an emotional relationship truth bomb?
Sound. Not "was". Would it have FELT LIKE a good time to come clean to Charlie about being a former Exorcist.
HOW would it have FELT like a good time for that to Vaggie? Especially after Adam and Lute got through telling her how being scarred and crippled by them was her fault, being left down in hell by them was her fault, and her girlfriend will ALSO hate her if the truth comes out?
THIS IS A SHOW. ABOUT PEOPLE. WHO MAKE CRAPPY SELF-SABOTAGING CHOICES (look at Angel Dust) AND THEN HAVE TO DECIDE WHAT TO DO WITH THE FALL OUT OF THaT
THATS THE SHOW
THATS. THE POINT OF THE HAZBIN HOTEL
it's not "bad writing" when a WOMAN does it TOO without an essay explaining her every thought leading up to it!
like im sorry her scenes were rushed, im sorry they had worse animation and story boarding and pacing than the guys' moments get, im sorry she didn't get more focus, im sorry she isn't a fav character of the show creators-
but she IS well written. tbh all of the characters in the show are.
they do things that makes sense based on what they've been through, and what they feel, and what they want, and that's. that's good character writing.
i don't LIKE a lot of the characters but they're still WELL WRITTEN
I HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT VAGGIE- BUT ONLY BECAUSE IM OBESSEED WITH HER AND WANT TO CRAWL INSIDE HER SKULL! SHE IS, IN THE SHOW, A PERFECTLY BELIEVABLE CHARACTER
bad writing would have been- her getting angry at Charlie for being upset about the secret! it would've been her CAVING to Adam's blackmail and arguing against Angel Dust to save herself! It would've been her moping on the top of the hotel while Charlie was angry with her instead of actively doing what she could to help, like she did!
i've lived through SO MANY badly written characters DO NOT try telling me VAGGIE is one of them- i remember the horrors. THIS is not THAT
......anyway
im probably gonna regret posting this aren't i
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melodic-haze · 1 day
Note
Can I ask about sub Arlecchino being fucked with a strap-on in his office? I love your writing and sub Arlecchino is so... 😩
☆ — DEMO TRACK: sub!Arlecchino x dom!fem!Reader
☆ — TYPE: NSFW
☆ — CONTENT WARNINGS: Mommy kink 😜 aka reader is the 'Mother' figure to Arle's 'Father' ahahahahahah, reader with a strap referred to as a dick, overstimulation, semi-public? It's in her office so
☆ — NOTES: THANK YOUUU OMG I'M HAPPY YOU LIKE MY WRITING ANON❗️❗️SORRY THIS WAS ROTTING IN THE ASKBOX I had to do some stuff 😭😭😭 but it's okay bc I come back with a VENGEANCE
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Ohhh dude the thing that just popped into my head you're NOT READY (delusional)
While she thought that battling her own children + the Traveller was the best move, it had kinda very much irked you. "I had trained them, it's fine," she says dismissively at the time when you confronted her and something inside you just kinda! Snapped!!!
If a Father has to have a hard hand on his children, then a Mother contrasts that by giving them a gentle touch
That DOES mean that you are to put anyone who threatens your children in any way, and Arlecchino is NO exception whatsoever
And what better way to punish her than to give her a taste of her own medicine in.. a different context?
One hand grabbing a fistful of her hair as you pushed her head down on the desk and the other clenching onto her hip as you moved her on your length, you're drilling into your lover relentlessly despite the slurred sobs that she had let out.
She had cum so many times by now, you didn't bother to keep count after the third time. Through that, however, you hadn't even entertained the mere thought of stopping, only reluctantly doing so when you ran out of stamina or needed to drink water—it's not as if you let her catch her breath as you did so, with the vibrator you had shoved into her at max setting whenever you needed to step away.
Your assault hasn't relented in the least, no matter how many times Arlecchino begged you to stop, no matter how many times she said to do better, no matter how many times she pleaded for you to go easier on her.
"Why would I give way to lenience when you hadn't done the same?" You mused coldly as you continued to plow into her over and over again, "You deem yourself exempt to my wrath, Peruere?"
You feel her try to shake her head in response before quickly following it up with a slurred defense, "N-No, 'm nn-- mmng! Not.. I--"
You clicked your tongue and gave her ass a loud smack, which earns you a garbled moan from the one underneath you, "You can't even form coherent sentences because of something you initially regarded as an 'unnecessary' action.. but that's okay."
The auditory mixture of her excess of slick between her thighs, your skin coming in contact every time you bottomed out inside of her, the pornographic noises that escaped her lips... It was all downright sinful, something completely unbecoming of her position.
But right now, she didn't care less. Or couldn't, more like, considering the complete lack of thought in her head. The only remaining thing within her mind was you and the way you put her in her place.
And the both of you knew that she relished the feeling of having things out of her control.
"You don't need to answer me," you continued, leaning down to press a kiss on the back of her neck.. before shoving her face down roughly as you straightened back up, "you just need to be put in your place, baby. Understand?"
You actually receive a desperate nod amongst the constant surge of white-hot overstimulation and constant orgasm.
"Good... Just don't resist and let mommy discipline you properly."
As if on cue, she cums again with a jolt, much to your delight.
Wanna fuck her so hard that her juices drip onto the floor and slide down on the side of the desk 😞😞 oughhghghh
There's that RISK of being caught in the midst of your lil session too—you could have it locked all along and while normal everyday Arlecchino would've noticed it perfectly fine, the Arlecchino you have underneath you is wayyyy too fucked out to actually realise in the moment so she's panicking but also? Her arousal is actually RAMPED UP are you kidding me
She won't admit to exhibitionism but there's smth There when she thinks of how the world would know that you have such a powerful Hold on her 🫶
But rn she doesn't care to move, not when her thighs are quivering and her pussy's aching to be filled all over again, practically getting used to the feeling of you inside her
Godddd break her enough and she might not be able to live without you ☺️☺️ or maybe you already have who knows ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️ just saying the moment you donned the title of a Mother was the moment that she was indesputably yours for you to do as you saw fit ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️
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bulletswithribbons · 2 days
Text
Loving and fearless
TateLangdonxFem!reader // NSFW
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Summary: You find out your boyfriend is a mass murderer. He's worried about what you will think of him but he never knew you weren't a good girl from the very start.
Warnings: Smut (obv), unprotected piv, sex with feelings, implied murder...
Word count: 1.7k
a/n: Ok so sorry I took really long to write a new fic I was working on a Part 2 for my Kai one but then thought of this. Had to write it down to satisfy my pookies since I didn't take so long writing it. Basically why it's short.
𝕱𝖚𝖑𝖑 𝖋𝖎𝖈 𝖚𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖗 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖈𝖚𝖙 ⋆⭒˚.⋆𝜗𝜚
“Are you scared?” He asks. He wasn’t trying to hide it, nor deny it. He just wanted you to accept it as it is. He was no saint, but so weren’t you. No sugarcoating things for this once at least.
You shook your head slowly, “no.” You said, and it wasn’t a lie. At least yet. You weren’t afraid of him, you knew him better than anyone. Or maybe that’s what you chose to believe. You didn’t want to change anything about him or live in a deluded world of your own thinking of him as someone he isn’t. As fucked-up as it sounds, you liked that psychopathic trait of his.
Tate tilts his head partly to the side, daring you to say that thing you were desperate to.
“I doubt it,” he replied, regret somehow dripping from his tone. You knew he didn’t regret shooting up his school nor all the murders he committed, rather of the way you found out. He had already apologized, what else would you need? Him to get on his knees and beg you to forgive him? He would gladly do that.
“I want you to embrace it,” you finally said, the thought lingering in your head for a while now. You just didn’t know how to express it without sounding like a weirdo. 
“Embrace it?” He repeats after you, confused, a hint of surprise in his voice.
You nod.
“You killed them. There’s nothing you can do about it anymore. You’re troubled Tate. Stop hiding that side and accept it as a part of you. You can’t run away from your past and you being trapped here actually proves my point.” Your tone was comforting, all loving. You were one of the very few –the only one– that actually cared about him in a non-twisted way. He wasn’t ready to lose that. He would never be.
“But would you accept it as a part of me? You want me to go around killing people and then come back to you so you can clean the blood of others from my own hands?” He asks, his voice quavering, a bit shaky and unclear, he was upset and you knew he's on the verge of crying.
And Bingo. There it is. Those poor souls, he doesn’t care about them, but rather what you would think. Nothing matters as long as you’re still there standing by his side. Was it unhealthy? Maybe. But for you it only made your relationship stronger.
“Isn’t that what you would like?” You ask, your hand darting to his face brushing his blonde strands of hair away from his face as you cup his cheek.
A single tear runs down his cheek as he smiles lightly. His dimples looked more adorable than ever. All he ever wanted was to be appreciated. And he is.
The sight of him taking two steps closer to you had your heart speeding up, even though he's your boyfriend you can't help but feel like a silly little girl with a silly little crush. Except it wasn't little, nor silly. His hand grips at your waist as he pulls you to him, getting rid of every inch that separates your bodies. His head tilts slightly before he attacks your face with his lips embracing yours in a hungry lustful open-mouthed kiss.
Your hands quickly find the back of his neck, pulling him even closer and deepening the kiss while his tongue pushes through and fights yours for domination.
He was completely teasing you, or maybe not, maybe he just craved you so bad. His covered erection was tempting your core, begging for release. One of his hands slides down your shirt and cups your boob, squeezing tightly. A soft moan escapes your lips and onto the kiss.
At that time, you thought maybe a somewhat evil spirit took over your boyfriend as he aggressively pinned you against the wall, too impatient to hop on the bed. But you know it was no evil spirit. There was no need to keep on finding why’s to his actions.
He yanks your shorts down to your knees then grips at your thigh lifting it up to his hip, probably to get better access. Meanwhile his other hand unzips his jeans and pulls them down along with his boxers freeing his rock hard dick. Yeah now it's confirmed that it was to gain better access. Tate always gets hard easily, that was a fact you knew. Whether it was a silly little cuddle session or you whispering the randomest topics in his ear. It didn’t bother you, you actually loved it. It enthralled you.
Your arms wrap around his neck while his breath fans against your nape. Each passing second your pussy screams for him to fuck the shit out of you even louder.
His digits found their way to your inner thigh, trailing toward your center. Once they reach your clit, his pointer finger runs up and down the thin soaked fabric of your underwear. He taps on the wet spot a few times, teasing you or maybe to later remember how desperate you were for him inside you. “This is my way of thanking you, y/n.” He whispers in your ear, your body shuddering at the sound of his voice, excitement surging through your entire temple. Every second passing by the atmosphere gets even hotter.
You nod, “mhm.”
His finger curls at the edge of your panties pulling it to the side, baring your pussy to him and the arousal glistening within.
Tate leans over you even closer, capturing your soft skin between his teeth sucking in deep; while he uses a hand to line his cock up to your dripping entrance. His tip caresses your sensitive bundle of nerves. “I’m not waiting any longer,” He mutters under his breath to your ear as he pushes himself deeper into your cunt and slams into you. 
Tate has never ever hidden the fact that he craves you desperately. You loved that he would kill for you but hated how you would too.
You let out a loud moan, if he didn’t know you any better he would’ve thought that was a scream for help. Your hand grabs a fistful of his hair. Your moan made him groan quietly. He loved the sound of you squirming beneath him, and even the sound of your voice when you talk about anything no matter what it was. He couldn’t stop himself, of course not since he couldn’t even wait to hear you screaming his name. Your legs curl around his hips as he thrusted in you deeper, moaning uncontrollably as he feels your tight warm wet walls wrapped around his thick length. “My cock.. Is pure love..” He breathes out. Your eyes hardly widen, Tate isn’t used to dirty talking. Not at all. If anything he was actually nice and making sure you’re ok nearly between every two thrusts. Unless he was jealous or upset with you. But mostly that’s it. Your eyes barely stay wide for 2 seconds before they roll to the back of your head once his tip hit a spot in you that made your moans louder than they already were. “Oh fuck, Tate!” You scream, He slides out slightly then back in forcefully. He didn’t recognize mercy, and your pussy wasn’t getting any of that. His cock pounding into you merciless, unsympathetically, inhumanly. All of the above. Abusing that same specific spot of yours. 
His intense tightening in his chest made him hungry for air as he breathed heavily, humping you remorselessly. Your pussy swallowing every inch of him and lubricating like crazy, your own arousal leaking down your pussy and out to your thighs. Such a slut you are for him. Problem is you were shameless about it.
Your grip on his hair tightens, holding on as hard as you can but making sure not to hurt him. You would never. Soft moans are whispered in your ear as he presses his mouth a little harsher against your skin, his fingers tightening on your thighs. His lips trailing kisses up and down your neck, leaving small bites here and there as he slowly makes his way up to your jaw. His hands slide up your thighs and stop at your clit, rubbing it as if his life depends on it, all the while his hips are pounding into you as fast as they can. You arch your back involuntarily immediately once you feel the contact. He groans softly as he feels your arch into his touch, his fingers going inhumanly faster than before. 
Seeing how it is, it wouldn't be long for you until you came.
Shockwaves of pure pleasure began to ripple throughout your body. Legs trembling and eyes rolling back. Your face was bright red and a wheezing sound came out of your mouth with every inhale. The perfect combination of his fingers stroking your clit and the fast paced abuse on your cunt was enough to make you see stars. He was chasing his own release and you were begging for yours. You knew you were close.. Real close.. “Tate.. Please.. I’m so fucking close..” You whimper, not knowing what exactly you were begging him for. Tate knows your body well enough to know you were close, he speeds up. Judging by his breathing, you can tell he was getting tired. You let out your moans freely as you feel your orgasm crashing down. A complete mess leaking down your thighs. You can’t hold your back arch anymore but it didn't matter, waves of ecstasy and euphoria taking over your body. Tate wasn't done yet, and although your lips were already burning up, you didn't protest. “Hmph..I love you,” He moaned in between thrusts as they were getting erratic, feeling you cum around his cock was enough for him. But that didn’t stop him from abusing your swollen red cunt until he was fully finished. Tate thrusts into you for a moment longer before you feel his ejaculate drowning your pussy breathing heavily, his release splaying across your walls in ropes. Tears had stained your cheeks.
Tate had you still pinned against the wall, with your legs wrapped around his hips and his hands grabbing your thighs. His now softened dick still in your abused pussy. Why isn’t he pulling out yet? This is the first time he lasted this long. Usually he doesn’t stay so long.
His head was resting on your shoulder, nose burried into your neck. His breathing slowed down steadily and went back to normal.
It felt weirdly comforting.. Him being so close, you didn’t even want him to pull out. Your legs still crossed behind your boyfriend’s back.
“You want me to pull out?” He whispers to you lovingly as he brushes a strand of hair away from your face and tugs it behind your ear.
“No, let’s stay this way for a while..” Your arms wrap around his neck, hugging him close. You can feel him nodding.
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starfxkr · 23 hours
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“he's saying she's the best daughter ever with his dick up her ass sp here we are!”
AHHHHHHHHH WOULD YOU WRITE A ROLEPLAY BLURB???
𖦹 ׂ 𓈒 🐇 / ⋆ ۪𖦹 ׂ 𓈒 🐇 / ⋆ ۪𖦹 ׂ 𓈒 🐇 / ⋆ ۪𖦹 ׂ 𓈒 🐇 / ⋆ ۪𖦹 ׂ 𓈒 🐇 / ⋆ ۪𖦹 ׂ 𓈒 🐇/
when you discussed the whole thing it was supposed to be completely different. you were supposed to be the innocent girl getting seduced by her mom's boyfriend while she was none the wiser.
that didn't happen. neither of you are quite sure why, but things took a turn the moment he "broke into" your room.
there was a faint smell of beer on his breath--that's what you wanted, you relished in the slight fear of not knowing what he was going to do, there was always that level on uncertainty what made your heart pound. when he slid into the bed, your back against his front as he drew you in closer, "thought i told you to stay up for me?"
you fake a yawn, stretching our you sore limbs as you turn halfway to him, "you took too long."
"mmm...yeah i did, m'sorry sweet pea." he wraps an arm around you, and you can feel the tension in his body, his hands flexing over your belly like he's nervous, "you didn't get me anything for father's day y'know. can't be doin your papa like that."
there's a slight pause, it wasn't really supposed to go like this. but you can't say you dislike it.
"oh...i'm sorry." you whimper when his nails sink into you, feeling his teeth press against your ear as he forces you closer,
"all i do for you, and you can't even get me a card?" suddenly you're being pushed on your front, and you can tell he's feeling you out, giving you the chance to steer this how you wanted.
because there really are two routes: he can be mean, or he can be nice. it all depends on how you react.
and you want him nice, you want him as soft and gentle as can be, "i-i just couldn't give you what i wanted earlier, i hate to wait but you took too long and i fell asleep."
"you sayin it's my fault?"
"i'm sayin you took too long."
another pause, his turn to steer it this time, and you hope he's on the same page.
he is, "you know what, you're right i'm sorry. now what'd you wanna give me."
gently you nudge him up so you can pull down your shorts and you revel in the soft groan he lets out when you spread your plump ass cheeks. if he was hard before it's a wonder he doesn't tear through his sweat pants now.
"you sure? you wanna give that to me?" his large hand palms the soft glove of your ass, brushing his finger against your hole just to make it pucker and you shiver, nodding in reply.
"it's all yours."
it's easier now to fit him in, he's practically trained your ass by this point, but it's not hard to pretend it hurts because in many ways it still does. there's still that sting when this thick tip breaches that tight ring of muscle, you still have to fist the sheets in efforts to relax so he doesn't tear you in two.
but still he's nice--kissing your tear stained cheeks and telling you how good you are, how good you feel wrapped around him, "this is all i could ask for babydoll, got the tightest fuckin ass ever." he kisses you hard, because jj knows you need it, that reassurance that it feels good for the both of you, "all those other suckers getting dollar tree cards and my baby girl's givin me her sweet little ass, you're the best daughter ever sweet pea."
that makes you whine so loud he has to shush you, his words causing coils of shame to curl around the base of your spine but it does nothing to stop the arousal trickling down over your clit as you petulantly kick your feet, "don't say that!"
jj huffs out a laugh, dropping his hips down harder so you feel ever inch of him and he knows you're reaching your limit, "alright, i know i know, just let me use you up."
after that he lowers himself on top of you, hooking his hands over your shoulders to bring you down on his dick faster. you're stuck underneath him, mewling and squirming with the need to cum but you know he won't let you, not yet. it's his present after all.
each smack of his hips has yours bouncing off the bed, further impaling you on his hard cock giving you no sense of relief as your whole body begins to ache with unreleased tension.
"you're doin so good, i'm almost done alright? you're bein such a big girl for me." jj's panting above you now, smacking wet kisses against the center of your ear that makes it ring, he's frantic chasing his orgasm and using your body how he wants, murmuring promises to fill you up and kiss your pretty pussy when he's done.
just barely he can hear your whimpered declarations of love as he lets out a loud choked groan and fills your ass to the brim until it starts to leak out past tender rim.
jj's gentle when he pulls out, staring in awe when he watches your gaping hole twitch as his cum spills out. when he kisses the soft skin of your perineum you twitch.
everything's hazy when he turns you back over, lifting you back up so the cool glass of water hits your lips, "drink up, i know you need it."
you gratefully gulp it down and when you grab it from his hands, he begins wiping you down with a damp rag, soothing your overheated and cleaning the cum and sweat from your body.
there's a lot to be said, but neither of you are ready, you can barely speak from how hoarse your throat felt and you're grateful for the silence. instead he lays down beside you and you curl up next to him, fully relaxed even though you didn't get to cum.
that's just another thing you'll worry about in the morning.
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wonton4rang · 3 days
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She's got a boyfriend anyways ¡!
pairing: taesan x reader.
warnings: +18, smut, cheating, cursing, unprotected sex (do better 🙏), and i think that's about it.
summary: where your boyfriend is part of a band where taesan is, the boy always making you look twice until you couldn't hold it any longer the moment y'all got alone.
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you always had a thing for band boys, they looked so hot when they were singing their lungs out or playing some instrument or even writing lyrics and letting some sighs out of frustration when they couldn't get that rhyme.
so it wasn't a surprise that your boyfriend was in a band, taking you to practice every Friday afternoon before going out at night. they were five in the band, your boyfriend included, but somehow only four of them went out every Friday night. so that day you got curious about the fifth boy.
"baby, aren't you coming with us?" your boyfriend said while he packed his battery drumsticks in their case, setting it aside and taking his bag to put it over his shoulder.
"i think i'm gonna pass today" you replied, your eyes following the fifth boy's back when he left the garage and went into the house. "i don't feel so good"
"are you sick? do you want me to stay with you?" you just denied with your head and a smile, getting an approving nod from your boyfriend. "if you feel bad, taesan is inside, tell him to call me"
and with that, he left. all of them did. except for taesan who was upstairs. but you already knew that, though.
you've been seeing him for months now, always feeling his gaze in your back but getting nothing but radio silence when you turned around. you could even swear he stares at you when you kiss your boyfriend.
but again, you couldn't confirm anything.
that until today, you hoped so. you went into the house all the boys shared and took a trip upstairs, trying to be as quiet as possible when you finally reached the second floor, looking for taesan's door and finding it when you saw the nirvana poster on it.
you knocked once and didn't get an answer, knocked a second time and your fist was knocking on air when the door was opened to show the boy you were looking for. he looked confused as to why you were there, and why were you knocking on his door.
"hey" you softly said, biting your bottom lip when he just lifted an eyebrow. "i stayed behind today and thought we could be each other's company"
"why?"
"do you mind if i come in?"
taesan wasn't the most talkative or kind person to say the least, so he just moved out the way for you to enter his room beford closing the door behind you two. you whispered a quick "thank you" and he just went to his desk, right beside his bed, and kept writing what it seemed to be lyrics to a song when you got closer.
"this is why you stay behind every Friday?" he immediately closed the notebook and looked up at you.
"that and the fact that i don't like bars"
"why not?"
"they are too noisy and people are just crazy out there" he was honest, and you appreciated that. a quick gaze was provided to you before he said "you can sit down there if you want to"
his head signalled his bed before he stood up and went to his music player, putting on a song you didn't recognize but it was good, some good guitar and drums going on that had you nodding your head to the beat while sitting on his bed.
"you don't talk much, do you?" he laughed and you just couldn't help it but laugh too. "i'm being serious! sometimes i think that you are looking at me and want to talk to you but then i notice you were not"
"i was" taesan lets out and you just slowly stopped laughing to face him. "i am looking at you sometimes"
"you know that's kinda creepy, right?" he just shrugged. "why don't you just talk to me?"
"you are always with him, how could i get close to you?"
"well, he's not here now" was all you answered and you could feel your cheeks burning up when he just stared into your eyes for a few seconds, slowly getting closer and sitting besides you on his bed. "you can talk to me now that he's not here"
"i never said i wanted to talk to you"
and he was right, he never said he only wanted to talk to you. but he understood soon enough that he could do more than that in the moment your right hand went to his thigh, squeezing the flesh under his jeans a little bit while your eyes met his.
"and what do you want to do with me?"
bad question, wrong timing, unfortunate moment. but taesan didn't care how bad of an idea this was when his lips finally crashed against yours. a feeling that he was craving for months finally being a reality.
his hand grabbed your face and his lips moved fast, his tongue immediately trying to enter your mouth and you allowing him. firstly, you thought on pulling out but when he towered you and layed you down on his bed, the thought slipped out your mind like that little moan out your lips that allowed him to explore your mouth.
he placed himself in between your legs and you felt the friction right away due to the fact that you were wearing jeans too and the way he started grinding down made you see stars.
"t-taesan, wait" you stopped him from kissing your lips but he went for your neck, his hands grabbing your thighs and his hips pressing down on you with the perfect strength to make you mewl. "are you going to-"
"would you let me?" was all he replied when he finally left your neck, his lips looking bruised and his cheeks flushed, his black hair making him look very pale yet cute when he asked again "would you let me fuck you?"
"i- i want you to" it was true, every Friday for the last three months you were thinking about him, about his pretty eyes, the way his voice sounded when he sang and the way his fingers played that guitar like it was nothing. you needed him.
"but?"
"i need you to fuck me with your fingers first, please"
taesan's cock twitched inside his jeans at the petition and he just nodded after kissing your lips briefly.
he helped you out of your pants and dropped them somewhere in his bedroom's floor, your panties were next and you could already feel the thrill when his eyes glued to your pussy. it was already glistening because you've been thinking about him this whole afternoon.
how would his fingers feel rubbing your clit, how would they feel inside of your soaked cunt while he fucked them in and out of you, how would he sound when you rode the shit out of him, those were all the things you occupied your mind with today. and you felt kinda guilty about your boyfriend but there wasn't much you could do about it.
if it kept going on like this it would eventually happen anyways.
so when taesan's finger finally brushed against your pussy you twitched, biting your bottom lip and looking for his eyes to beg him to touch you properly. he understood right away because he finally ghosted your entrance, making circles there before quietly asking for your permission to go in.
at first it was just one finger, his middle one, he entered it until his knuckle hit your cunt, removing it slowly so he could thrust it in this time, the wet sound making him leak some pre-cum in his underwear. but it was not until he added a second finger that you opened up your eyes with a satisfied moan, arching your back a little bit when you felt the stretch, you held his wrist and tried to control the pace but he was much stronger than you were so it was useless.
you were with your legs open, taesan on your side while one of his hands fucked you and the other one held your face so he could kiss you. the only problem in that equation was the moment he stopped just fucking his fingers into you and instead starting to curl them up inside your pussy, making you jump when he hit that bulge of nerves.
the way he laughed at you just make you hornier. his pace speeding up after his lips left yours and he just looked at you, looking for anything that signaled him to stop but only finding more reasons to keep doing his best and try to make you come.
"can i eat you out?" he would whisper, not really in his right mind when all he could hear were your pleadings for him to go faster. "please, y/n"
you just nodded as you could, knowing that even if you didn't show restraint or a negative response he wouldn't move an inch without you giving him the permission to do so.
so as soon as he saw the green light he went down on you, immediately wrapping his lips around your sensitive clit while he kept twitching his fingers inside of you.
"taesan, wait" you moaned as you could, trying to stop him before coming undone in his mouth, you didn't want to come like that, not so fast at least. "i'm going to c-cum, stop"
he didn't listen, and you knew you were fucked up (literally) when you tried to close your thighs, wrapping them around the boy's head before he opened your legs again with his free hand. giving you a look of disapproval before making his way up your chest with his free hand, reaching for your mouth and entering his thumb to play with your tongue.
everything was so hot that you couldn't help but humping his face a little bit before coming in his tongue, feeling him thrusting the wet muscle inside your soaked hole before he gave a last long lick and went back to stand on his knees in his own bed.
"that was amazing" you mouthered while you saw him unbuckle his pants. "you did so good"
"if you keep saying those things i won't be able to hold back"
"i don't want you to" was all you answered, your fingers playing with your pussy while you looked at him taking pants off with a confused look. "i want you to be rough, let it all out in me"
"y/n, i-"
"i can take it, please"
"i don't doubt it but are you sure? i don't want to hurt you"
"just do it"
and to be honest he was praying for you to allow him to fuck you up. he was so needy and he was actually surprised that he didn't cum in his pants during the whole eating you out thing.
so when his pants finally fell on his bedroom's floor, he shyly smiled, palming his erection through the fabric of his underwear and backing up a little bit when you tried to touch him too.
"don't" he just said, lowering his underwear and revealing his swollen dick, already dripping pre-cum, making him blush when your eyes got fixed in his cock. "i wanna cum while i fuck you"
and who were you to deny him? so you just opened your legs a little bit more, inviting him to finally mess you up. but he stopped, his eyes looking for something he obviously didn't find when he clicked his tongue and passed a hand through his hair.
"i don't have any condoms, do you?" you nodded and tried looking around too just to remember you left your backpack downstairs.
"it's on my bag, downstairs" your voice went out in a whisper but taesan didn't care, trying to leave his bed to look for them. that until you got up and stopped his moves. "can't we just do it like this?"
"i don't think that's-"
"i really need you, please, i can't wait any longer"
taesan was pretty, smart, he did not have any compulsive thoughts, he was nice and lovely, but he was a man at the end of the day. so he just gave in this time, laying you back in his bed while he kissed you softly and aligned his dick in your entrance.
he pushed a little and weakly moaned at the wet feeling of your slippery cunt, his head going in and stretching you out in a way that made your hips move a little bit, causing him to slip deeper into your cunt.
"fuck, it feels so nice" his hands went to the back of your thighs and he pushed them to fold you a little bit, allowing his dick to go futher inside of you before he trailed it out again. "god, you are so wet and warm"
"do it faster, tae, c'mon"
your hands went up to cup his face when he got closer to yours, kissing his lips almost immediately when he gave you a harsh thrust, followed by another, and a third one.
holy shit.
your pussy felt so sensitive because of your previous orgasm that you felt ashamed about how horny he was making you feel all over again, his thrusts were rough, rougher that you expected, and the way he angled your legs made him fuck you in the right place over and over.
he was driving you crazy.
the way your tongues met and the nasty sound of your soaked cunt and your saliva mixing filled the room alongside the long forgotten music in the background just made your skin get goosebumps. taesan was so hot, so pretty yet so strong and rough that it just made you tremble in his embrace.
his hips went down enough to brush against your clit and you found yourself stopping the kiss to go down his neck instead, holding for dear life to the hair in his nape and tangling your legs around his waist when he placed his arms around your head, looking straight into your eyes while he fucked you senseless.
"i'm gonna cum soon" he warned you when his thrusts became sloppy and his voice became more whiny. everything seemed so personal with his eyes staring deep into yours while he chased his high, bringing you a second one without noticing when he started sweetly moaning your name. you clenched around his cock and he could just press his eyes shut close. "god, y/n, stop doing that"
"you feel so good, pretty, so hard" he wasn't the strongest soldier out there and you knew that, you noticed how he reacted to pet names and compliments before, his cheeks flushing and his lips trembling before he lowered his head. "i can't stop doing that when you make me feel so good"
"i need to cum, oh my god, i'm gonna cum" was the only thing he said when he tried to pull out but your legs didn't let him, your arms pulling him closer to you so you could brush his lips with yours. "y/n, stop, let me o-out"
"please cum inside, i want you to" his dark eyes got watery for a second because he was holding back so bad, his hips still rooting into your abused cunt, mixing his pre-cum leak with your cum like a mad man, you could feel his shoulders tense and his dick twitch inside your throbbing and sensitive pussy. "that's it, so good, tae"
"fuck" he muttered, his eyes falling shut when he finally came inside of you, giving one last deep thrust that made you twitch and let out a high pitched moan right against his lips. "you good?"
"better than ever"
his lips crashed against yours for a while, his arms practically hugging the frame of your head, his weight in top of you while his tongue pushed through, his dick still inside of your pussy while it went soft, making you throbb a little when he pulled out with a soft moan.
"let's clean up" was his first suggestion. "that was amazing, y/n, thank you. for everything"
"always. you know we could-"
"i don't think that's okay, though" he knew what you were going to say. but as much as he liked you, he wanted to think that he still had some conscience left. "i can't be fucking my friend's girlfriend, you know how he'll feel if he ever found out?"
"he doesn't have to"
again. taesan was a man. and as much as he liked his friend, he liked you better. his friend won't make him cum, and if he did, that'd be weird as fuck.
"you promise?" he asked, he did like you but that didn't mean that he wanted to lose his friend or be the friend who fucked their friend's girl.
"i do"
and you could just know that every Friday night you were not going to the bar like before, telling your boyfriend you were on this diet and couldn't drink alcohol. he still tried to take you with the excuse of buying you alcohol free drinks but you denied, explaining how bad you'll feel seeing the alcohol and not being able to drink it.
explaining how this diet was soooo important for you.
yeah, sure. bet.
cause taesan was waiting for you every friday in his room, you guys kissing, fucking and even singing together to some old the carpenters songs he loved, introducing you to some bands you never heard of before.
you guys got along pretty well. and so did him and your ignorant and neglecting boyfriend, laughing and hugging the man that's fucking his girl every Friday night.
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anthemofgvf · 23 hours
Text
Groupie Love: Jake Kiszka x Reader Fanfiction
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"you're in the bar, playing guitar, i'm trying not to let the crowd next to me. it's so hard sometimes with a star, when you have to share him with everybody." description: being jake’s groupie was heaven on earth, yet sinful in every desirable way. while the world reveled in his public, entrancing persona, you reveled in the boundaries of reality and fantasy intertwining in secrecy.
word count: 6.9k
warnings after cut…
. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .
warnings: good amount of plot, mentions of drinking, alcohol, smut (18+ minors dni), swearing, hardcore dom! jake, choking, spitting, praise/begging/degrading kink, rough sex, spanking, fingering, oral (male and fem! receiving), bit of fluff, some aftercare
disclaimer: this does not follow the real events of the starcatcher tour for the sake of the plot. thanks!
a/n: would also like to mention that yes, this IS based off of the Lana Del Rey song with the same title. As soon as I heard it, I immediately thought of Jake and writing a fic based off of it. If you haven't listened to the song, now is the perfect time to do so! hope you all enjoy :) <3
. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .
There was something so addictive about secrecy. To share such vulnerability with someone where no one's eyes could witness, but only you and another alone. To know each other by touch alone if every sense was stripped away, yet hiding the true reason why you could pick them apart in a crowd from that feeling. And while you two were friends with one another publicly, behind closed doors, you were both fucking like animals. There was no better way to describe your relationship with Jake. You were just one of his secrets, hidden in a closet, and you had accepted that.
You had met him after one of Greta Van Fleet's shows when their careers were just about to skyrocket and thank God you were able to catch him then. You hadn't really listened to their music before or even heard of them, but local concerts under 30 bucks as a fun night out with friends was always on the table. If it weren't for their small fanbase and lack of fame, you were positive you wouldn't have become Jake's personal groupie.
After hooking up with him in the venue's bathroom, twice, Jake simply couldn't have enough of you. And you, you were entranced by him and his sexual drive. You both also enjoyed each other's company in the short period of time you knew one another, so, you and he exchanged numbers and kept in contact. Whenever he was in town, you'd be next to him, and when he was gone, you were with someone else. More often than not, you two were spending time with one another purely for sex, but it was rare for you to leave immediately after. After all, Jake cared about you regardless of the label of your relationship with him, and you were enjoyable to be around.
There was no discussion of monogamy, so it was mutually decided that seeing other people was no issue. Sure, no one compared to the guitarist, but there was always someone to run down your time in the day when boredom struck, and you were unable to be at Jake's beckoning call. Even though Jake would always call you his, it was words that withheld no meaning. Only in moments where you and Jake were together alone did they obtain meaning, but you knew never to take him seriously.
Jealousy is a bitch, though, and it possessed you. It rotted you to your unchaste core. You could easily pretend it didn't bother you that other girls have had Jake the way you have or have even looked at him in that manner. Of course, you'd be lying to yourself if you said there wasn't a single sliver of selfishness towards him. How many girls Jake had been with next to you was a mysterious number, but you didn't choose to spend your time thinking about how many girls he's said the same things to as you. But, rather, feel empowered that there were fans in their crowds at shows that desperately wanted your place. Fans that screamed his name, made signs and t-shirts for him, dreamed of being more than just a fan in the crowd. That was something you had over them. That's what made you special. That's what gave you your title of a so-called 'groupie'.
. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .
They had closed their most recent tour with a show in Nashville, and of course you were in attendance. Jake had even asked if you'd be there, knowing well enough that there was no way in hell you'd be skipping out on it, because you knew where the night would take you. Besides, you hadn't seen him in months. You hadn't been with him in months. You had grown a sense of longing for him after a short period of time away from the guitarist.
Before Greta Van Fleet had a larger fanbase, you were able to sit in the seats and get escorted backstage to Jake so you could watch as a fan. But, due to suspicious speculation amongst fans, and you and Jake wanting to continue the secrecy and keep the reputation of "just friends," you were granted a backstage pass and allowed to come into the arena or venue they'd be performing at before fans would arrive. Every place was different, so the execution of reaching him was always tweaked, but no matter what, you and him both knew you'd see one another after the show. You preferred to hang in the sound booth rather than backstage, anyways.
Rarely did you come early to be in attendance for soundcheck. Sure, there would be absolutely nothing wrong with it, but you always enjoyed watching him look for you amongst the fans, and his eyes light up in the slightest that had your heart stopping only for a second at the sign of recognition, feeling as though your breath had been taken from you and forcing your body to freeze. It never got old feeling his eyes latch onto you.
And you never got tired of watching him perform on stage. Now, with the new introduction of 'Mirador,' you got to watch him nearly twice as long. And, God, you never knew he could sing that well. That certainly was a turn on for you. Now your mind was wandering off to the thought of him singing in your ear.
You rarely tore your eyes from him while he was on stage, and he knew that he was hypnotic. He liked knowing that there were people who only cared to watch him and come to Greta Van Fleet's shows to be in his presence. Thrusting into his guitar as he spoke to himself and the crowd, hairs sticking to his cheeks with the accumulated sweat and still breathlessly giving his performance his all. You kept your eyes locked on his stomach and watched as the sweat beads dripped down his tender skin, and his hair whipping around and throwing his head back as he skillfully played on his instrument, exposing his Adam's apple to the fans that kept their eyes glued on his every move while he struck the next few chords of the song. You'd always convince yourself while swinging to the music that he was performing more theatrically for you, but you'd never been proven right nor wrong yet. He was entrancing to watch, and sometimes you found it unfathomable that you were a person in his life. A person who knew things that most didn't, a person who saw things most people didn't.
Your adrenaline always arose as soon as the four boys left the stage, and the lights illuminated the venue. Hearing different conversations from a multitude of fans that surrounded you, shuffling of feet and complaints of exhaustion. But there you were, hanging out in the sound booth waiting for security to come to your aid to escort you to backstage.
You wore a silver halter top that accentuated your chest, with a pair of velvet-blue flared leggings and converse. Thankfully, your shoes weren't shown due to the coverage of your pants, and it truly did not matter what clothes were on your body. They would be thrown on some floor in less than an hour, and that's all you cared about.
Eventually two men from Greta Van Fleet's team made their way to you once the venue was near empty from fans and began leading you backstage to the green room. You always loved that feeling in the pit of your stomach; it excitingly tumbled and twisted with each step closer you were to him. The awkward silence never faltered while the security guards guided you to backstage, but that gave you enough time to collect yourself before seeing Jake.
Your eyes were first met with Sam cracking open a beer, chatting with his girlfriend and keeping to themselves. When they saw you, they smiled without a word, and allowed you to keep moving. While you and Jake became "friends" the more you two saw each other, you had been brought around the band from time to time. More likely than not, it was for some sort of party, large gathering, or simply catching the boys after the show - uncommonly anything intimate. They knew what your purpose was, but they never questioned you. Either they simply didn't care, or they didn't want to ask questions they did not want answers to.
Danny was nowhere to be found, most likely in his dressing room, but the twins were walking into the green room, laughter erupting from Josh as he cracked his large, infamous smile that put his perfect teeth on display. His presence always soothed you when eyes seemed to be peering down your neck from your presence. Both were still in their stage attire, which was usual when you'd come so soon after the show had ended.
Josh had noticed you first, closing his mouth to a smirk that raised with the right corner of lips and pierced his cheek to reveal his dimple. Once Jake laid his eyes upon you, they were already following down your body, finally greeting you with a crack of a smile that told you his mind was already somewhere else.
"Y/n! It's so good to see you again," Josh greeted you with a tight hug, "nice seeing your face after so long." He patted your back and pulled away with a grin still plastered on his face.
"It has been long enough," you huffed a laugh. "Tour was good?" You flicked your eyes to Jake.
He gave you a slow, steady nod. "Was great. I'm sure you'd love to hear all about it, huh?"
"I wouldn't want anything else." You huffed a laugh, sticking your tongue in your cheek at his light sarcasm.
"I expect you'll be sticking around to celebrate the end of Starcatcher with us?" Josh said as he began to walk away. You followed his movements with your eyes as he walked over to a small fridge, turning to Jake who gave you a blank stare. Josh wasn't hinting at your intentions with Jake, but rather what would occur after-the-fact. He shrugged at you suggestively, but you couldn't depict what his choice was.
You chose to be safe. "We'll see, Josh," you directed your attention to him for a moment, "if I don't, I'll be sure to say goodbye to you before I head home."
He sauntered over to you with a beer in hand and patted your back with a soft smile. "Always a pleasure, y/n."
Leaving you and his twin alone, Jake ran his hand to your side and found the small of your back, pressing light enough to signal movement forward and follow him to his dressing room. You dared to look at him, to examine the light sheen of sweat that resided on his forehead that he forgot to wipe away once he exited the stage. And you knew he could feel your eyes lingering upon him, but he liked to be looked at. He liked the attention.
His dressing room door was already open, welcoming your entrance and waiting for your arrival. You eagerly stepped into the neatly decorated room and scanned the area for familiar artifacts of his scattered about: sunglasses, bracelets, necklaces, and his attire to be thrown on after his stage wear was stripped from his body.
He turned his back to you quickly and closed the door, locking it swiftly behind him. And once he turned around, he was wearing a softly cracked smile. It was always so intimidatingly perfect, how his eyes rested into a look that only told you that he was going to devour you.
"Barely said a word to me since I've arrived," you said innocently with your hands behind your back, "what's with the shyness, Jake?" You began to slip off your shoes as his eyes faltered from your own to do the same.
He took slow steps towards you to increase the intensity of your heartbeat in anticipation. He knew you craved the taste of his lips, the feeling of his hands on your figure. He always remembered what made your heart bang against your chest and your face flush into a pink hue.
His index finger cradled your jaw as he focused your eyes on him intently. "Was it so wrong of me to want a more private 'welcome home' from you?" His voice was coarse with the words slipping off his tongue smoothly like butter. Close to a whisper - the tone of intimacy.
You flicked your eyes to his coy smirk, then back to his dark brown eyes that peered at you so attentively. He was always so patient in these moments for an answer back.
"All this is, is private. Doesn't mean I don't enjoy the gesture, though." You wrapped your arms around his neck after motioning your pointer finger back and forth between the two of you, and in return, he pulled you into his chest and squeezed you against his body tightly.
And there he was, breathing softly down the side of your neck, inhaling your sweet scent, and feeling the figure and warmth of your body in an embrace. You buried your face into the crook of his neck that you made room for with your arm to feel the skin that rested there to remember how it feels to be so close to Jake once again.
"You're a good singer, Jake," you said lowly into his ear, "better than I had expected."
You felt him chuckle against you, but his laughter came out in small breaths. He was amused by your playful banter and humbling words that he knew were harmless.
He unwrapped himself from you but kept the close proximity between the both of you. His tongue darted out and ran across the middle of his bottom lip, cracking a coy grin as he looked down at you with half-hooded eyes. He was effortlessly seductive.
"You're lucky I like you, y/n." His hand raised to the side of your face as he slowly began to caress it, watching the motions of his fingers as they began from your temple and journeyed to your jaw. "Because if I hadn't known better, I'd think you were disrespecting me." He gave you a playful, lazy glare.
You gave him a small smile, allowing your fingers to focus on toying with the silver jewelry that hung dangerously low on his exposed skin.
"Well, you and I both know that you love to play that game." You said softly to yourself. Loud enough for him to hear, but quiet enough to showcase your lack of desire for a response.
You took the opportunity to run your hands onto his chest, letting them reach to the waistband of his trousers, and looking to him innocently with a smile. And he smiled back at you softly, waiting patiently for you to be finished reveling in his presence and this moment.
You placed your hands onto his neck, thumbing at the skin and looking at him for direction, for initiation. So, he cupped your jaw and placed a gentle, longing kiss onto your lips. You practically melted into his mouth and encouraged his tongue to begin roaming around the inside of your mouth as you began to dance your own in his. The kiss grew deeper quickly, and you both remembered the addictive taste of each other. The swift routine of throwing each other clothes began, where you're tugging down Jake's pants to leave him in his boxers, and he's tossing off his cropped, black jacket to land onto the ground.
Your hands traveled into his damp hair and tugged him deeper into your lips as his fingers played at the waistband of your leggings. The muscles at your stomach began to tense up at the sensation of the pads of his fingers toying at the idea of diving down into your underwear and satisfying you.
His mouth pulled from yours for a moment to throw off your top, which you assisted him in doing, and allowed it to fall wherever it landed. As soon as he got the sight of your bare breasts, he encapsulated his mouth onto yours, and massaged one in his hand, while the other hand held its place at your waist.
You snaked your hands in between your glued bodies and cupped his hard cock with a light squeeze, eliciting a deep, rumbling groan from his throat and into your mouth.
"God, how I've missed you." He said into your mouth, tugging at your bottom lip. His lips began to travel to your neck, pressing rough, sloppy kisses onto the skin. You contemplated telling him how much you missed him, but you knew that he knew you did - you were like putty under his touch.
Your head titled back to allow Jake more access to your neck. One of his hands ditched your body and tugged at your hair to gain dominance, keeping your neck bent back as far as possible so he could taste your skin. His other hand traveled to the small of your back to keep you on your feet, and you swore you would've fallen to your knees if it weren't for Jake holding you up. With your eyes shut, you tuned into the feeling of his wet tongue trailing its way up your neck and to your jaw, then suckling down to your collarbone. His mouth always felt like a beautiful curse against your skin, while compelling, still so unbelievably relieving.
Your hands stuck onto his hair, tugging and pulling as his lips trapped your right nipple in his mouth. His tongue swirled circles around it, with his index and thumb massaging the other with the movements. Soft moans escaped your mouth, but you were sure to monitor any sound out of you.
His eyes peered up at you as he removed his mouth from your body and grabbed your face with his hands clasped at your jaw.
"Pants off, now." He instructed lowly, and while you slipped off your underwear with your velvet flares, he was throwing off his boxers and revealing his throbbing cock. You could hardly focus on anything other than him inside of you at this moment, with your head dizzy at the thought of his length filling you up to the hilt.
He never got sick of the sight of you naked, running his hands down your waist and to your hips while a deep sigh escaped his mouth. You watched his eyes focus in on your clit, with his thumb dancing around the area and causing your knees to grow weaker and weaker. Your hips bucked forward, and your motion only caused a light snicker to come from his mouth.
"Get on your fucking knees." He demanded as he pushed you down by your shoulder, although you were quick to follow his instructions and obey.
His length rested onto your left check, and his hand reached down to lift your chin to look up to him. He loved how submissive you looked before him. The way your eyes lit up to the sight of him bare in front of you, along with his devilish grin that captivated you.
He held your eyes with his own. "Good to know you're still such a good girl for me." That sentence had sent a shiver down your spine, with how intimidatingly dominant Jake was. There was something about his small, cracked smile, and the light squint in his eyes that always had you feeling shy and overexposed. Yet, you were always so comfortable being vulnerable around him.
He tapped at your jaw, which signaled for your mouth to open, and you allowed his thumb to travel onto your tongue, sliding the finger out and dragging your bottom lip down with the motion. You slid your hands over his thighs, kissing the head of his cock and slicing your tongue onto it. He groaned at the sensation and landed his hand on the back of your head in preparation.
And you grabbed his length, wrapping your lips around it and beginning to bob your head up and down at a slow pace. You took all of him for a moment to elicit a harsh groan - a response you craved hearing from Jake and pulled off his cock to purse your lips and spit onto his tip with your hand aiding you in coating him.
You immediately resumed bobbing your head up and down, while your hand at the base of him began working slowly with a twist of your wrist. He deeply sighed, looking down at you to see his cock disappear into your mouth. You were irresistible to him with the way you took him into your mouth so effortlessly.
"Fuck, just like that, y/n." He winced lightly as your tongue swirled around his tip. His mouth was slightly hung open as he admired the view of you below him. Hearing your name had never sounded better coming from someone's mouth.
The unoccupied hand of his landed at the side of your face with his thumb caressing at your cheek. He was being gentler with you than usual, which could only mean he intended to be rougher with you later on. You didn't mind the lack of degrading, though. It was good to soothe into things after being away from him for so long.
His breathing was deep, and the muscles at his stomach were tensed up as you quickened the pace of your mouth and hand. Your other hand massaged his balls lightly, which evoked a deep sigh from him. Hushed slurs drew from his lips as you worked your way up and down him, spit dribbling down your chin. The back of your throat fought against taking his whole length, but as long as he felt good, you could care less about your own pleasure. You loved to feel as though you belonged to him and were the only one making him feel this good.
His head was thrown back, while the hand that tousled with your hair on the back of your head had a harsher grip. It was as if he was innocently guiding you, but really, it was to steady himself as he cautiously bucked his hips into your movements. Jake had his bottom lip tucked behind his teeth, fighting against his own release so quickly.
He grabbed your hair and held it back for you, tugging you off of his cock and raising you up to your knees by the pad of his index finger resting under your chin.
"Think you deserve something in return, huh?" He said as his hands relaxed from their places and found your waist. The rhetorical question had you pressing your thighs tightly together with a whine trapped behind your closed mouth.
He was slow with his hands, letting them fall down to your hips, then scooping you off of the ground whilst you wrapped your legs around his waist. He carried you over to the long table that sat before a mirror, setting you down and immediately forcing your legs open for him. He was quick to step in between your legs and place a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss on your lips as his fingers traveled down your stomach and to your heat.
His right hand rested at the inner of your thigh, his thumb at your pubic bone and mere inches from your clit. He rested his forehead upon yours and listened intently to your unsteady, choked breaths, while he traced his index fingers and middle up and down your pussy agonizingly slow. Your back arched into him with a whine, closing your thighs together cautiously in hopes his fingers would caress you. But instead, he forced your thighs back open, and removed his forehead from yours with enough space to just barely see the entirety of your face.
"Don't. Fucking. Move. Be a good girl for me, yeah?" He glared at you, practically spitting in your face at your small movements in a silent plea to have him touch you. But you nodded vigorously. "If you want me to touch you, you're going to have to beg for it. Don't act like you have forgotten how this works."
The way he was looking at you was sending butterflies into the pit of your stomach, and it was nearly overwhelming to you how lust-filled his eyes were.
You threw your head back, sliding your right hand onto his bicep and sighing heavily with shut eyes. "Jake," you whined out, "please."
"Please what, y/n?" He urged you further. He loved playing this game.
You brought your head back up and looked at him in mere agony, desperately saying, "please touch me."
A devilish smirk twisted onto his lips as he flicked his eyes down to your pussy, leaning down and pursing his lips to allow spit to dribble from his mouth and onto your folds. As soon as the spit hit your pussy, he was gathering it onto middle and ring finger and locking his eyes onto yours. He captivated your attention just to mimic the way your mouth fell open as his fingers eased themselves into your entrance. He even repeated your deep exhales as his fingers curled inside of you and began to pump in and out of your entrance. You couldn't contain your moans and allowed them to fall out of your mouth while Jake admired your breathless state.
His calloused fingers added an extra layer of sensation to what you were feeling. He began kissing at your neck, humming onto the skin and trailing his mouth to your ear.
"Feel good, y/n?" He asked in a pitiful, mocking tone. He knew the answer, yet he wanted to hear you say it. Just another thing he did to control you and what you said.
"Yes, yes Jake." You moaned. "Please, don't stop."
He tugged at your earlobe and said, "so we do remember our manners, hm?" in a teasing tone.
Your hand reached for the back of his head as he continued to suck at your neck and travel down to your jugular. Your other hand was gripped tightly against the edge of the table to keep yourself upright while Jake meticulously drew every sound possible from you by his touch. His tongue flattened against the skin and slid its way up to your jaw. You never realized how deeply you missed Jake until you were finally with him.
You had your eyes shut with furrowed brows as you allowed your head to hang back. Every movement Jake made with his fingers, his mouth, his hand that found its way to your breast and massaged it - you were in euphoria. Only did he make you feel this good, and you made it known with your lack of words and preferred usage of pleasured sounds.
Then your eyes were shooting open and your fingers gripping harder at Jake's hair as you felt his tongue circle at your clit. You looked down at the sight, seeing him kneeled down before you as he devoured at your pussy. He hummed in satisfaction of the taste of you - sweet like honey, and your mouth hung open in an "O" shape, unable to utter a sound. Finally, an exaggerated groan rolled off of your tongue, and your head was able to be thrown back with your head fuzzy in ecstasy.
Your hand that rested at the back of his head landed back onto the table, clenching and unclenching, which Jake was quick to notice. His hand immediately found yours and folded his fingers into your own, giving you something to squeeze onto you. The small note of intimacy made you crack a small smile, but quickly allowing it to fade away as Jake grasped harshly onto your hip to keep you in place and reminding you where your focus should be.
He lapped at your folds as he kept a steady pace in and out of your pussy while your thighs squeezed tightly around his head. He switched between sucking at your clit and allowing his tongue to do all the work. You were grinding your hips to the motions of his tongue, and while normally you were ridiculed by him with a slap at your thigh, he allowed it after being away from one another so long.
You were clenching around his fingers, which elicited a pleased hum from him. He could tell you were close to your release, and that's exactly where he wanted you to be before stripping it away from you so suddenly. The tightened knot in the pit of your stomach completely dissolving, not unraveling, always had you whining in annoyance.
He flattened his tongue once more and dragged it up your pussy, then pushed himself up by slapping his hands on the tops of your thighs and levering himself that way.
You encapsulated your mouth onto his by bringing him with your hands harshly slapping against his face. He groaned into your lips with satisfaction, while you wrapped your hand around his length and began stroking it. At some points in moments like these, you felt like you just barely had some sort of dominance over Jake, and he was submitting to the pleasure you were granting him. He found it harder to kiss you back, resting his forehead against your own with eyes squeezed shut. As if anything you had asked him to do, he would without hesitation. And his face even showed how resistless he had become under your touch, contorting and softening with his eyebrows pulled in and mouth parted open.
You kept your eyes open to see the way his face shifted emotions, watching him grow restless with your position of being in charge. He wrapped his hand around your own and stopped your motions, looking down at his cock and focusing on lining himself up with your entrance. You quickly propped one of your legs up onto the table to allow easier access for him and impatiently waited. As spit dribbled down from his pursed lips and onto his cock, with a few more strokes, he was easing himself into you and resting his forehead onto your shoulder.
"Fuck, y/n," he drew out in a long breath as he was fully rested inside of you. He was slow pulling himself out, but quick to slam into you.
He raised his head off of your shoulder and met your eyes, seeing yours with the lids of them resting halfway, mouth opened in an 'O' shape with eyebrows softened. You made it known to him that you were all his - and always will be, but in this moment, you were whatever you needed him to be. Through your lust-filled brain you imprinted the memory of how perfect Jake feels inside of you, how he knows exactly where his fingers need to dance onto your skin, or where his hands should rest. He was wickedly talented at the art of pleasure, and he knew what made your body tick. He was in tune with your body, which he oh-so adored, and wasn't going to go anywhere until he felt satisfied enough.
You had one hand sprawled behind your back onto the table and the other on Jake's shoulder, throwing your head back as he slammed into you and rattled the items that lay astray on the tabletop. If anything were to fall, neither of you paid mind to it. What mattered was the sensations that ran throughout your entire being, your heartbeat increasing with every second, and your body accumulating a sweat that began at your hairline.
His breaths were heavy, daring to look at you while his pace increased. The corner of his lips curled into a malicious smirk, forcing your lips onto his by pushing your head towards him after landing the back of his hand in your damp hair. His other hand was placed beside your thigh to keep him up, but every once and a while, it would travel to the outer of your thigh and squeeze tightly.
Your kiss shared with him was a sloppy mess, with both of you breathing into each other's mouth and unable to contain your moans from sputtering out from your lips. His tongue danced alongst your own, toying with it before resting his back in his mouth and pulling from your lips to kiss your cheek. He reached your ear with his lips, tugging at your earlobe, and allowing you to hear his restless, guttural groans that tore at your core with pleasure.
"You're all mine, you know that?" He groaned to you. "Your pussy is for my pleasure only - no one else's. You understand?" He continued his fast-paced thrusts while borderline whispering these words to you.
You swallowed harshly, breathing out a small, "yes," as you were unable to utter anything else. It was already a battle enough to keep yourself quiet to minimize the noise anyone in the green room could hear, but yet, they all knew why you were with Jake. And frankly, Jake didn't care about the noise. In fact, he encouraged your cries of ecstasy. He demanded it from you.
He wrapped his hand around your neck tightly, forcing you to look at him as he withheld your breath.
"Say you understand, y/n. Say that you understand that no one else can have you but I." He breathed, lessening his tight grip around your neck to allow you to speak for him.
"I understand, Jake," you said as your eyes rolled back from the way Jake was thrusting into you, "I'm all yours."
You didn't have to refocus your eyes on him to know he was smirking - you could just hear his lips curl. Now he was quickly pulling himself out of you, and in a swift motion, lifting you off from the table and barely giving you time to land on your feet before turning you around and bending you over. You were face to face with yourself, seeing how your makeup had run, and your lips were swollen and darker tinted than normal.
But then you saw him, and how he looked from behind you. His eyes landed on your ass, and in a near second, you saw his hand raise and swat against the skin. You jumped with a light whimper trapping itself behind your lips as you bit down on your bottom lip. His eyes met yours, and there he was, giving you the smallest hint of a smile, and forcefully pushing himself all the way inside of you.
One of his hands rested at your hip with a harsh grip, and the other was at your shoulder while he watched the movement of your ass each time it hit against his stomach. He was entranced by the way your body moved, how good it felt to be inside of you, how perfect you looked fully exposed to him.
He whispered something near incoherent, but you were able to pick it up.
"Good, good fucking girl. That's it, baby." He said as he kept his eyes locked on your rear. You watched his lips drop open, his hair moving with his motions and his eyebrows softening and furrowing with each sensation that drove through his body. He grabbed at your ass once more, giving you another swat to make sure he would leave his mark on you as if the bruises caused by his mouth weren't already stained onto your body.
You moaned his name, begging him not to stop as he was hitting the spot you craved to be caressed the most. You dared to reach your fingers down to your clit to reach your orgasm, but as your hand began to make its way there, Jake immediately caught on, and grabbed ahold of your hair and tugged you far back enough to where your back arched away from his chest.
"Greedy now, are we?" His hand from your hair released itself to forcefully grasp your throat with his pointer finger and thumb harshly pressed at your jaw to look towards him. You didn't know what to respond with, other than to rest your hands onto the edge of the table and allowing your knuckles to turn white.
You dared to hold eye contact with him, and he squeezed your cheeks with the intent of forcing your mouth open and spitting onto your tongue. You swallowed the substance without thought, looking at him as you raised one hand to hold onto the side of his face. And the grip he had onto your face wasn't harsh enough, because you felt your head turn forward and lean back with a loud moan as your orgasm grew closer, and the pads of his fingers rubbed vigorous circles onto your clit.
"Greedy little whore." He whispered into your ear, looking at you through the mirror. He watched the way your breasts bounced, how your body twitched, how you were nearly unresponsive with the amount of pleasure you were receiving. You truly were all his.
"Jake, please," you begged quietly. There were more words you wanted to say, but they had fizzled and left your mind, and you could only focus on the way Jake was pumping in and out of you at a quickened pace.
Strands of his hair began to stick to his cheeks, and his silver necklaces that he had on left a cold sting onto your back as they would barely graze the skin. Every single sense in your body had become heightened and intensified, along with your entire body tensing up that had your entire body running hot. All you could do was chase your release, to tune into the intoxicating sensation of Jake delivering as much pleasure to you as possible.
"God, I'm gonna cum." He warned as his thrusts became inconsistent, yet perfectly paced to reach his high. "Gonna cum with me?"
There was only one answer to that question, and he knew that. But hearing you say it helped send him over the edge. It helped him feel more in control of your orgasm. Hell, you were surprised your release hadn't overtaken you yet.
"Yes, Jake, just please, don't stop." You moaned.
And as you felt the tight knot unravel in your stomach, you began to fall forward with your legs trembling, and Jake coming to your aid by bracing his arm across your chest as he fucked you through your orgasm.
“That’s it darling,” he soothed, “there you go.”
His head fell forward as he finished inside of you, draining himself fully and leaving himself with a heaving chest. His arm fell from your chest and landed his hand on top of yours on the edge of the table, with the other hand teasing at your sensitive clit once more just to feel you twitch a final time around him.
After you nearly grabbed his wrist to move it away from the overstimulation, he landed his hand onto your waist, and stayed inside of you for a moment. His eyes found yours in the mirror, and he pressed a soft, long kiss onto your cheek.
"You okay?" He said to you.
"Yes, yes I'm okay," you giggled, "more than okay."
He chuckled at your statement. "Just making sure." He said as he looked at you.
His lips traveled onto your neck with soft, relaxed kisses, reaching to the end of your shoulder and stopping there as he pulled himself from you. You tried to turn around to face him, but as he saw your legs nearly give out, he came to wrap his hands around your waist, and keep you on your feet. If it weren't for the warm liquid dripping down onto the insides of your thighs, you would have forgotten that Jake had finished inside of you.
After seeing that animalistic side of him, you had nearly forgotten how caring he was, and how important it was to him to tend to you after practically using your body. And while one hand stayed at the small at your back, the other raised to your cheek, and his thumb softly swiped against it in a back-and-forth motion.
You two allowed each other to catch your breaths, keeping your eyes locked onto his and smiling at him softly in your hazed state.
"Do you want to stay after for a bit before you head off?" He said to you, finally having his breathing under control.
"Don't want me to stay over for the night, or are you already sick of me?" You said to him with a knowing grin.
He chuckled at your response and placed a soft kiss onto your lips. "Go on and get dressed and we'll head back to mine when you're ready to, alright?"
You nodded at him and began to clean yourself up, which he helped with, then aiding him, and getting dressed to make yourself presentable to walk out of the dressing room and accept the stares from the rest of the band and any of their team members who witnessed the sounds that erupted from Jake's dressing room.
But they all knew why you were there. After all, you were Jake's personal groupie. And you enjoyed the lifestyle. You enjoyed Jake, and he enjoyed you.
. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .
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justcallmecj · 3 days
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Seeing Your Dragon Form: First Years
(I feel like this chapter of the series may be crappier than the previous ones. I'm slowly running out of ideas and have used up quite a bit of my writing energy recently. I've come to realize that writing for the First Year Squad is just harder for me because I'm used to the pure crackhead energy the fandom gives them, but I'm still going strong! Oh well, I really want to write, so here I am!)
^Original note from Quotev that I put prior to the chapter. As a sort of mini explanation for my mindset going into this one.
Ace
Ace wanted to look unimpressed and chill, but he was currently losing it, and you could tell.
When you finally settled down, he approached you with his hands behind his head, really trying to hit home the idea he wasn't fanboying over you right now.
You brought your head down to allow him to get a closer look as well as touch your horns and snout.
He was a lot gentler than you thought he'd be.
He carefully ran his hand up and down your snout, making you hum in the process.
He tried talking to you, getting frustrated when you'd only hum and growl, before those two working brain cells in his head worked and he figured out that you couldn't actually talk.
He doesn't know, for some reason, a part of his brain just assumed you'd be able to talk.
Despite the current situation, Ace's behavior didn't change. He still tried to tease you, coming up basically unsuccessful because that's just how it is between the two of you, didn't stop him though.
Once, when you weren't paying attention, he tried to climb onto your back, not expecting the reaction that you'd have.
When you realized, you rolled over, trapping him under you. Due to the size difference, he was completely stuck, despite how much effort he put into trying to push you off him. You made sure not to hurt him though, and you didn't.
He could practically hear you laughing, even if it just came out as draconic grumbles.
sigh "You really never change, huh? You big bully! Though honestly, what can I say? I'm the same way, and I wouldn't want you any other way."
Deuce
Deuce was certainly nervous.
No fear. His brazen, delinquent years prepared him to take on any challenge that may be thrown at him, but this was definitely different.
He was stunned for a decent while after you transformed. Just kinda standing there, frozen in place.
Pretty sure his brain fried for a moment.
When he finally came back to his sense, he tried to play it all off with compliments, but really, there was no tricking you, but you gave him the benefit of the doubt and ignored it.
He was the most interesting by your wings.
(If I remember correctly)One of the reasons he likes being on the Track Team/Magical Wheel(?Can't remember which), is feeling the wind rush past him when he picks up speed. Because of this, he really admired your wings, which could do the same thing but ten fold.
He really wanted to ask you to take him on a flight with you, but was too shy to ask out loud. Maybe one day he'll have the confidence.
He made sure to be extra careful around parts like your horns, tail and other parts that may be considered sensitive/vulnerable. He didn't want to risk being even a little to rough and hurting you. He'd never forgive himself if he hurt you. (He doesn't realize how tough dragon skin and scales are, just give him a while).
All in all, it was a pleasant experience for the both of you. He had fun getting to see a new side of you, and you got to have a breather in your dragon form with no worries about who's around you.
"This is truly amazing. I can't believe you're capable of something like this. You really make NRC much more fun than it would be if you weren't here."
Jack
His reaction was much different from the others.
You and him are pretty similar in more ways than some may think.
Both of you are non-human beings capable of turning into a natural animal form. Him a wolf, you a dragon.
He was calm, but astounded. He didn't think you'd be quite so big.
He gets bigger than a normal wolf when he uses his Unique Magic, but he always assumed that was because he's a bigger person himself. Maybe it's just natural for anyone capable of this ability.
He was cautious to approach, not fully aware of how conscious you are, taking his own wolf state into account.
You just sat down, tail resting on the forest floor, wings at rest, showing just how comfortable you were in the situation. That convinced him that nothing had changed except how you looked.
He sat next to you, showing the same peaceful signs. Tail resting and ears calm.
You came closer, laying your head down next to his side. He reached out a hand and gently stroked the top of your head.
You two just stayed there like that for a while. Peacefully enjoying each others calm presence, until he stopped petting you.
You had gotten so used to the feeling and were so close to falling asleep, him stopping upset you.
In retaliation, you picked up your head and placed it down in his lap. He panicked for a moment before freezing, not knowing quite what to do.
He soon recognized the affectionate action. It was one his younger sister and brother would do when they wanted affection without actually saying they wanted affection. A silent plea.
He placed his hand back on your head, petting you like he was not even a minute ago. Sometimes he'd move his hand and scratch behind your ear, which caused you to hum and delight.
"We really are more alike than I thought. Are you sure you're not just a dog in disguise?" You grumbled at the playful tease, making him laugh.
Epel
Epel actually reacted much differently than you expected.
The moment he saw your dragon form, he wasted no time in rushing over and didn't even attempt to hide his complete adoration.
He jump up and down, bouncing on the heel of his feet. He rushed around, taking in every detail about you that he could.
His attention to speech completely leaves his mind and his natural accent slips in until he's speaking with such a think accent it's sometimes hard to understand what he's saying.
This may very well be the most excited you've seen Epel act, other than when he's getting competitive.
When he was finally able to wrap his head around everything and calm down, his demeanor changed on the dime, much like his personality can.
He softly took hold of your snout and held if close to his chest with his arms holding onto the underside of your head, something he likes to do even when you're in your normal form. For him, it's a show of trust, one he knew you'd understand.
A soft hum found its way out of your throat. He giggled at the affection.
You both took a rest and talked. It may have been a one-sided conversation, but he didn't mind.
He rambled on and on to fill the silence, accompanied with the occasional scratch under the chin.
There was a moment where he got jealous about how much bigger you were than him normally, let alone now. But, he soon got over it after thinking about how it must have just been natural since you weren't human.
"As much as I think it's unfair you can do all these cool things about how you look while I'm stuck like this, I'm still really happy that you opened up to me. I know what it's like to not be content with how you look, but we can do our own thing together!"
Sebek
Now, normally, Sebek is really respectful towards you. A byproduct from how he treats Malleus and how similar the two of you are.
Throughout the school year, it's taken some work, but you've gotten him to truly see you as a friend, not just another fae.
But, things did change a little bit after seeing your dragon form.
He's never seen Malleus's, because Malleus sees no use in taking his dragon form most of the time, so he didn't quite know what he was expecting to see from you.
When he watched a massive, spike covered, ice coated dragon walked out of the mist that practically came out of now where, he was honestly a little scared.
He remembered a story Lilia had told him and Silver once. It was about how once, when Malleus was young, he changed forms after throwing a temper-tantrum. After that, Sebek just started associating the idea with anger.
But, his time as a guard(and your friend) allowed him to be more observant than some. He saw every cue that would tell your current mood. There was no anger, only a calm curiosity. A curiosity towards him.
The idea of you watching him with the intention to see how he'd react embarrassed him. He turned his head to hide the reddening of his cheeks, but he didn't realize the red had crept up his ears and right into your watchful gaze.
You made a sound, one he didn't recognize, but it sounded faintly like laughter.
You were laughing at him!!!
He stomped a foot and grumbled under his breath, only causing you make more of the laughing sounds.
After that whole fiasco, Sebek finally felt comfortable enough to let down his guard.
His sharp hearing allowed him to quickly pick up on the different meanings of certain sounds, enough to have a semi-coherent conversation. He made sure to keep his voice quieter than usual, only being able to guess how sensitive your hearing may be right now.
Eventually, the interaction between the two of you fell into a comfortable and familiar conversation, like nothing was different about this scenario than usual.
"I really should be finding Waka-sama right now, but as Silver has told me, I may need to lighten up. So, we'll stay here for a while longer." His voice got just a bit quieter, "Thank you for showing me this."
And then the original note I put on Quotev after the chapter-
(Well, I think this set actually came out a lot better than I initially though it would. These five weren't as hard to write for as they usually are once I actually started soooo- YAY!!)
You can see the mindset change, wow.
45 notes · View notes
armpirate · 1 day
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Anti-romantic || JJk | Ch. 19
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Pairings: Boxer!Jungkook x fem!reader || Enemies to lovers, neighbors
Genre: smut, angst, fluff, curse, illegal boxing, violence
Warnings: fuckboy!Jungkook x reader, smut, dirty talk, curse, mention of tarot and fate
Summary: Jungkook had always been carefree when it came to love. He always believed he was worth sharing himself with everyone, and thought it was selfish of him to ever think of keeping himself exclusive to just one person.
And maybe that was exactly what got him into the big problem he was in.
A curse that kept him away from love didn't seem an issue for him. The fact that his ex-girlfriend thought he'd be affected by the idea of the girls he slept with running away from him after sex was ridiculous. She actually did him a favor, and took a burden away from him.
At least that was what he thought at first.
He had never found himself thinking of the possibility of repeating with neither of his hook ups, because they disappeared before he was able to even think about it. But when he makes the mistake of sleeping with the sexy neighbor that lives in front of him, he finds himself hoping to get the chance for a second round every time their paths cross.
Y/n hated him the second he set foot inside the building by the way he started making her life a miserable mess for no reason. Sleeping with him was a big mistake she wasn't thinking of repeating. At least not until he came up with the excuse that she rejected him for a curse. Not only she thought he was annoying, but she was also convinced he was crazy. 
There was no way she could take him seriously.
Aprox. time of reading: 13 minutes
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MASTERLIST
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Those four days were like hell.
It didn't matter how many times they came across each other on the common landing, or how he tried to smile at her every time their eyes met. Her answer was always the same: silence. Putting all of her strength to simply ignore him and just be as friendly as she could, while trying to fight that side of her that was urging her to make a comment that'd unchain the bickering between them like it had been happening since he moved into the building.
She was convinced she needed to get out more. It could be that sudden need only came from the fact that she could be feeling lonely, which was a relief for her. At least that was better than even thinking of her liking Jungkook somehow.
Her steps were stopped as she approached Donna, Alma and Jackie, regretting her decision on getting closer to them as soon as she was getting herself to do it. She had already tried many times before, and it was always the same thing. It wasn't that she didn't like them, she just wasn't able to click with them, there wasn't anything they could have in common. But being fair with herself, there was nothing she had in common with the group of friends she hung out with when they were able to.
—Oh, Y/n —Donna called her from afar, lifting her hand to motion her to walk to them—. Come sit with us. We're taking a sip of coffee.
As usual...
One thing about Donna, Y/n would never find her at her desk, she was always in the cafeteria or somewhere in the resting areas of the office -which made her wonder how she managed to write her articles, and do her research when she never worked in her workplace.
Not like it mattered, but it just made her curious.
—Look who's joining our dark side —Jackie giggled, smiling so wide that she could see her light pink gums.
—Well, I'm quite busy usually —Y/n answered, carefully sitting on the free chair in front of Donna—. I'm currently working on some coverages, I'm also still working on my article...
—Oh right, the one you couldn't tell anyone about? —Donna interrupted her, smiling.
—Yeah, that one —Y/n nodded.
—How long has it been since you started working on it? I guess they should be hurrying you up to publish it —of course she was going to drop that type of comment.
—Well, I'm taking my time. I've had some problems getting inside the biggest issue...
—Maybe you should change it and write about something else —Y/n's tongue was trapped between her lips when she was interrupted by Donna's advice filled with poison—. It's just an advice from a more experienced colleague —she tried to justify when the other two glanced at her.
—Don't drop it —Alma encouraged her—. Were you given a due date?
—No, no —her head shook—. I was even told to take my time to make it as perfect as possible.
—Then that's it! —Jackie clapped— Take it easy. And if you need help, just tell us. I'm good with photographs, so if you ever need a good shot, just let me know.
As much as Y/n was grateful for Jackie's kindness, she couldn't imagine her and her colorful clothes among the type of crowd that was formed by those boxing parties.
—Yeah, we're here to help —Alma seconded—. I know we didn't get close, but we love to help and enlighten you whenever you need it —she assured, placing her hand over Y/n's—. And Donna can also help you, right?
—Right —she forced a smile—. Of course.
There was no lie in admitting Donna was forced to say she was going to help, when at first she just wanted to mock Y/n -for some reason she didn't care about-, but there also was no point in focusing on that when two people she never gave a chance to were being so nice and good to her after barely spending any time together, despite sitting two desks away.
After that, she was able to look at the rest of the day in a different way, she felt happy, her mood went through a high boost after talking with Jackie and Alma, and not only because they encouraged her to go on with the article -which she had no idea how she'd continue writing after she dumped Jungkook. She also felt like a whole new possibility was opened after speaking to them, like she had a new place to go to whenever she felt like work was getting to the best side of her. It made her feel like she drew a safe line between them and her because she felt attacked, when they both were accepting and friendly.
It was amazing the effect one small detail could have on the other things. She didn't care about how crowded the subway was, or how tired she felt to walk back home, she just didn't mind it.
Just like she didn't mind finding Jungkook waiting for her in front of her door, while he stared at her doormat.
He was going insane.
Jungkook couldn't understand what was happening, but he was sure he couldn't go on that way. If anyone else had told him before that he'd be looking for someone else's attention, waiting for the exact time to meet up with her, he'd have cackled in the loudest way possible.
It was so bad that even Jimin noticed the change in him.
Normally, his attitude was chill and careless. Their dynamic worked because his friend was too emotional, and Jungkook was the one that lacked that sense. His nickname as they both grew closer together was Iron Man, but those few days he walked around like he was missing something.
He kept checking his phone, for no logical reason -because the only times Y/n had texted him was to tell him to lower the volume or shut up. But he still looked every once in a while, thinking her message would find its way into his device.
He was missing her, and he just couldn't accept it. Jungkook needed to solve it all out before it went worse, and the only way to sort it out was to have her going back to her petty responses and bad looks. He was convinced the only real problem was the fact that he wasn't the one rejecting her. That was it.
—What are you doing there? —she sounded tired, dropping the smile that adorned her face the second she set foot outside of the lift.
—I need to talk with you.
—Again? —she sighed— What is it now? They'll come to check your router? Will the plumber show up?
—Seriously? I come to speak with you and you only think that I want something from you? What image do you have of me?
—The image that you earned with passion —she answered immediately after.
Jungkook looked away, tilting his head as he tried to find the words to speak. Sentences were mixing together, the sounds were rolling around his tongue, and he was sure that he wasn't going to be able to form a proper phrase while she looked at him that way.
—Okay, then —she finished, turning to her door to open it.
Jungkook stopped her from closing the door behind her by speaking again, placing his palm on the exterior door knob, earning another exhausted sigh from her.
—You can't ignore me.
—Excuse me? —she chuckled, raising both of her eyebrows at the order.
—We're neighbors, you just can't act like I'm not living next to you.
—Unfortunately, it's a reality. That's why I have no other choice but to pretend you aren't there.
—I know I've done things wrong, but... let's make it up?
—No —she firmly said, crossing her arms on her chest.
—Is this because of the article? I told you I was going to do it.
—It's not because of the article, it's because of the way you dealt with the whole thing —she confessed—. You just can't ignore people when you don't want to do something, you speak with them. That's what adults do.
—So would you have accepted my decision if I had told you that I didn't want to help you? —he fought back— You mean you wouldn't have acted annoying and petty about it.
—No —she answered again—. I probably would've get mad. But I would have been on the wrong because I can't force people into doing things I want —she explained—. That's not the problem now, because you always find a way to make me mad and make it valid.
—Y/n...
—Didn't you want me to leave you alone? —she cut him off— I'm leaving you alone. Live your life, do your things... But don't bother me or I'll make you regret it —she threatened, pointing her index finger at him—. Get lost now.
—How can you tell me to get lost?
—Well, like I've just done it now —she shrugged—. It's a two-word sentence, pretty simple to say and understand.
—Okay, I'll tell you why I didn't want to do the article.
—That's literally not what I said —she mumbled.
—... but you can't judge me.
—Too late —she rested her arm on the door frame.
—This goes back to some time ago —he exaggerated the move of his hand—. An ex, that wasn't really an ex, cursed me. She promised I wouldn't have a stable relationship, and it had been working until now. I went to a tarot reader, and she confirmed everything that was happening, until she told me that a woman would come to break the curse. She said that I'd fall for her after she appeared, and told me that it'd be made through some work. You showed up in the middle of nowhere, you're the only woman who's still in my life when the rest of the flings disappear the morning after, and you're the only one I was going to do some work with.
Y/n completely lost the plot of the story at the mention of a curse. She couldn't believe he really believed she was going to fall for such a lame story. But it was even crazier that he spotted her as his savior, or the person that would break the curse. What fairytale did he escape from?
—So I wanted to avoid you, because I didn't want that change to happen —he continued—. I'm really happy with the way my life is going right now, okay? I don't need anyone to put everything upside down.
—Wow, you're really creative with excuses —she tilted her head—. Ever thought of leaving boxing and becoming a writer?
—I'm telling the truth.
When she was going to speak, he sighed loudly, throwing his head back while causing her eyes to open wide in surprise to the sudden sound coming from him.
—Okay... —she smiled nervously— So how does that curse break? With a real love kiss? Maybe a magic spell? Oh, I know, the power of love!
—It doesn't seem like you're taking it seriously.
—Look, I don't know what excuses you've made up to get girls to forgive you, and I have no idea how they could've worked, but all of this is a bit too much.
—I'm being honest.
—Sure you are —she shrugged.
—And it's also an explanation why you reject me every single time.
—Because your attitude can't be a valid explanation to you —her eyes squinted at his comment.
—It now makes sense!
Y/n just couldn't go past the fact that Jungkook did in fact believe the story he was telling her, and even was able to find some sense in something that seemed to be taken out of the wildest fantasies he could've read about -if he had read any book at all. At first she just thought he was recurring to his long list of excuses to justify his actions, and that only made her angry, with the only wish to crash the door against his face while he spoke. But the longest he went, the more she was convinced that the man in front of her needed psychological help. Urgently.
—You're scaring me a bit —Y/n admitted, looking around for the nearest exit to ask for help in case she'd need it.
—It's weird you slept with me a second time, but I guess the curse works differently since we see each other every day? Now it's one of those moments where I wished Carly didn't block me so I could ask her —he kept thinking out loud, moving his eyes away from her and losing the focus of the conversation.
—That many blows on your head have officially fucked up with your sanity —she mumbled, seeing her neighbor having a full on conversation with himself—. Instead of wasting money on a tarot reader, why don't you pay for a good therapist?
—Y/n, it's serious. My ex-girlfriend went crazy after I cheated on her —Y/n scoffed at that detail—, which isn't relevant now, and she cursed me before leaving my house. What was what she said? —his eyes moved to the top of his head as he tried to bring back the exact words Carly used— Something that I treated people badly, and that I was going to suffer the same thing or something like that.
—Are you hearing yourself? How do you pretend me to believe you, for fuck's sake? —Y/n insisted, controlling her big wish to roll her eyes in front of him.
—How many times have I lied to you?
—Do you really want me to answer that question? —her ironic tone was challenging, making Jungkook regret that question almost immediately.
—I promise I'm telling the truth.
—Okay, let's say I believe you. What do you want me to do with that information? —her lips puckered, before she continued speaking— Everything's okay, and everything you do is valid, only because you were cursed for not being able to keep your dick in your pants?
—But...
—You were cursed because you are a fifteen year old trapped in the body of a twenty six year old, and you aren't able to keep a woman exactly for that reason.
—Well, look who's talking, are you going to call me immature? You?
—Are you going to attack me?
—No, I'm saying that someone that drills a hole in a wall, because of a little noise, can't speak of others.
—A little noise?
—You're just as immature as me, but you disguise it with that serious facade thinking you're fooling anyone. Spoiler alert: you don't.
—Spoiler alert? See how you're a horny teenager? The only reason you don't want to commit to a relationship is because you have the Peter Pan syndrome.
—Here comes the smart ass with her bit of information taken from the short research she does for her articles... And what if I have the Peter Pan syndrome?
—You're nearing thirty, as much as it hurts you.
—I know, and do you know how attractive that is to women? I'll be a bomb when I turn forty.
Y/n rolled her eyes again, almost giving up the argument because there was no way any bit of common sense would kick inside his brain.
—I can't believe I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you right now.
—Because you like me, as much as it hurts you —he mocked her—. And the only reason you're willing to believe the curse thing is because you want to give me a free pass.
—No, the only reason I'm pretending I believe you is because I don't know if you're going to have a psychosis and do something crazy.
—Look who's coming up with an excuse now —he chuckled.
At that point her hand was tickling, reviving how it'd feel if she crashed her palm against his face. She could lie and justify herself by saying she did it in her defense because her neighbor's brain wasn't working right, which at that point wasn't really a lie.
—You could only wish. At the end of the day, I'm not the one scared of falling —she defended herself.
For the first time, Jungkook was the one nervous and speechless, opening his eyes a bit wider and parting his lips to speak, but not letting a word come out from them.
—You're sure because you haven't spent enough time with me.
—That means I'm so attractive that you fell for me barely spending any time together?
—No, that's not what I meant.
—But that's what you said —she rushed to say, keeping him from going on speaking.
—I'm sure that if I spent more time with you, I'd probably end up sick of you.
—Yet you had the chance, and you didn't take it. That's a bit contradicting —she fought back.
She left him stuck, between two options that he couldn't escape. One was a lie, and the other one was the brutal truth, and he was still fighting to confirm what belonged to each one of them.
—Don't worry though. There's no way I'd ever spend any more time with you than what we already did.
Y/n shouldn't have tempted the universe that way, and dragged it to a challenge that she wasn't going to like.
Not even a second after that sentence left her filthy lips, a huge noise interrupted their casual bickering, making them wonder what was happening. 
Taglist: @jk97bam @ttanniett
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cleminthewriter · 3 days
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Mom Said It’s My Turn To Do The Writing
This was supposed to be a small fluff drabble but i quickly realized that I can’t write anything under 300 words for the life of me so here’s a full one shot. Enjoy :D
~~~~~~~~~~~
Alex wasn’t really sure how long the two had been running for. Maybe minutes, maybe hours,maybe for just seconds. But Alex could tell by now they really couldn’t keep it up. Their legs were shaking which each step, their breathing had quickened, and everything seemed to be blurred despite having their glasses on. Clyde seemed filled with just enough energy to keep going, surely it wouldn’t notice if Alex took a small break to catch their breath and lean against a tree.
But notice it did. Alex watched through closing eyes as Clyde ran back over to check on them. 
“Sandwich Human! We don’t have time! They’re gonna get you!” Clyde hurried them. Alex held up a finger to signal for a minute. Then got off the tree and ran a bit further… before losing breath again and falling over.
Clyde rushed over to them, panicking. “Sandwich Human you are not dying today! There’s far more that needs to happen and your death is not for a while.” Clyde muttered. It placed a hand on Alex, which immediately made them sit up.
The duo had found out just a little bit ago the two can touch without Alex dying (immediately), Now after months of trying not to touch each other, it just felt… strange. It wasn’t like it hurt; Alex was just expecting to suddenly feel more teeth and to start coughing blood, and not just a semi-solid ooz hand (?) on their shoulder.
Clyde had already removed its hand from Alex, but still looked concerned. Then it seemed to have an idea. “Don't panic over what I’m about to do.” The veldigun told them. Before Alex could even question what they were about to do, they were immediately picked up by the veldigun. 
“Come on, let’s go find a cave or somewhere and get you some rest.” Clyde whispered as it began to run and locate a good place for the duo to sleep for the night. 
Alex really hadn’t been held like this since they were incredibly young. They had just grown out of asking to be carried and by then they were far too tall to be carried properly. Clyde was a bit taller than them, and was way stronger as well. It was odd, but strangely comforting to be carried around like they weighed nothing.
Just as Alex grew comfortable with being carried, Clyde looked to the side in joy. “Finally! A good cave!” It announced as it brought Alex inside. Clyde seemed to search around for some unknown reason before placing Alex down in a spot far from the opening. It readjusted the blanket Alex had been carrying to be wrapped around them.
“We need a nest, stay here.” Clyde whispered as it scurried away. 
Wow, tonight was a night of firsts for Alex, wasn’t it. They were hunted by the police for the first time, ran for more than half an hour for the first time, were carried for the first time in years, and now they were sleeping in a nest for the first time. Last time they had this many first was their 18th birthday, first time drinking and first time waking up in Mr. Jones’s shed with their clothes on backwards. What a night they still couldn’t remember.
As Alex thought about this in a headspace they were too sleepy to actually think about things logically, they had barely noticed Clyde coming back with a pile of supplies, which was now being used to make a makeshift nest. Alex examined the nest closely. It had what looked like some tree branches, leaves, some discarded trash, what was either a tent or a hammock, and fluff that they couldn’t identify (maybe it was cotton, maybe it was spider webs, maybe- actually, Alex didn't want to know). Alex was still unsure of how it was being held together because it looked poorly woven, until they noticed Clyde gliding a finger across the nest structure, leaving a trail of goo(?). So that was that question answered.
Eventually once Clyde had finished construction of the nest, it reapproached the human. “Alright, the nest is done, from the position of the moon it’s should be 4 or 5 am, so I’m gonna block the cave and sleep with you. So you hop in the nest, be there in a minute.” It told the human before grabbing leftover branches to cover the opening with. 
Alex made an “attempt” to move into the nest, but they were so tired they’d rather just lay on the ground then move another inch. It made them feel terrible cause Clyde just spent its time building a nest that it didn't need to, but here Alex was not getting in it. God they were just like their old family cat, Neptune, who never slept in the nice cat beds they’d buy him and instead sleep in the box it came in. Neptune was a nice cat, don’t get Alex wrong, just a tad annoying. Shame Neptune went missing mysteriously one day- actually no wait now that they think about it, it was highly likely Clyde had found him first and-
“Need help Sandwich Human?” Clyde offered as it towered over their body. Alex just made a vague yes noise and grabby hands. They heard the veldigun laugh as it picked them up. 
“Wow, your way more tired than I expected.” It chuckled as it laid the both of them in the nest. “Six, this must be what Winfrey felt when I stayed up past 6 am hunting and begged to be carried to our nest.” It chuckled again.
They stayed like that for a minute. While the nest was comfy, Alex found themselves unable to truly fall asleep. “Blanket maybe?” They thought as they unwrapped their blanket and threw half over Clyde. It was probably cold as well. Clyde seemed a bit shocked to have gotten half of the blanket around it as well, but grateful nonetheless.
Alex, however, was still having trouble sleeping. They were incredibly tired, but couldn’t get to that state where they were asleep. 
Clyde looked soft.
Alex wrapped themselves around the veldigun. This was something they probably would have considered a death wish maybe a few months ago, but at this moment it just felt… right. 
There was a small pause between the two. Maybe Alex had taken it too far, maybe this was the moment Clyde decided they were too much trouble, maybe-
Clyde wrapped its own arms around Alex, and its tail wrapped around theirs. This was… incredibly comforting. Maybe tonight had been, probably the worst in all of Alex’s life, but right now, in this cave, in this nest, in a moment of peace between human and eldritch beast, Alex had a thought they hadn’t thought in sometime:
“Maybe things will be ok.”
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redheadspark · 2 days
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Trust Me?
Summary - The Female MC takes Ominis flying, stirring his feelings for her all the more
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Warnings - Just cute fluff :)
A/N - I wanted to write a cute one-shot of Ominis! I loved him in the game and how great he was as a character, he doesn't get enough love! I might even add him to the character I write for in my Prompt Sessions! Let me know what you think!
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"You can't be serious,"
"What makes you think I'm joking?"
"Given our history with Sebastian, let alone your friendship with Garreth Weasley…"
You had to roll your eyes as you stood in front of Ominis, who had his face filled with judgment. Your broom was waiting for you on the ground by your foot, the crisp and damn grass under your feet while the cooler Autumn air was cascading down into the Quidditch Pitch where you two were.  With the weather being more than tolerable, plenty of students were out of the castle and enjoying the cool air before it would get too chilly.  It was a great day for you to get some flying in, given the upcoming games that were on schedule the following weekend and your team was climbing up the ranks.  It was going to be your best year, you felt it in your fingers as the Hufflepuff Captain and one of the Beaters.  
Your seventh year at Hogwarts was not as adventurous or as deadly as it was when you arrived as a fifth year, yet you liked it that way.  Compared to your first year, your sixth year was more mundane and boring so to speak.  The Ancient Magic you had as toned down a bit and the mystery that you solved deep underneath the castle was now contained thanks to the Ministry of Magic, along with the professors at Hogwarts, leaving you to simply focus on your schooling and friendships.  
Yet, things were not the same.  You seemed lost without Professor Fig, his guidance and mentorship were something you missed from time to time when roaming the halls or attending classes.  Not to mention the strained friendship with Sebastian, who was still eating away in grief after what happened to his Uncle, and the now diminished relationship with his sister.  He became more of a shell within himself, not the bright and smart Slytherin you met.  
However, your other friendships tried, especially with Ominis.  You both leaned on each other after Sebastian's downfall, the pair of you realizing that the solid friendship you had with him no longer existed.  Ominis lost his best friend, giving him a broken heart so to speak and it gave him a hardened shell.  But you both remained friends, walking to and from class together, studying with one another in the library to pass the tedious potions exams, and even taking strolls together along the grounds.  It was a friendship you never thought would truly blossom.
Ominis still had his sarcasm and snarky jokes, which would make you laugh from time to time when you were sad or uneasy. He knew you had a lot to carry yourself, plenty of bad memories and nightmares from your fifth year, and the invisible scars that would haunt you sporadically.  He was a good shoulder to lean on, not minding in the slightest when you wished to vent to him or express your pain.  Ominis knew all that happened your first year, you leaving no detail out with him.
You trusted Ominis, more than you ever trusted anyone at that school.
Now, on a clear Autumn afternoon, you were attempting to take him flying.  And of course, being the true Slytherin that he was, he was not budging.
"You make it seem as if I will let you get hurt while we fly," you challenged him, his misted grey eyes snarking as he chuckled.
"I don't trust our school brooms and the recent history of quidditch injuries, pity your broom is under maintenance in Hogsmeade," he explained, you chuckling as he was still not swayed in going on the broom with you.
"I have a clean flying record if you must know!  I wouldn't let you get hurt, Ominis.  Don't you trust me?" You asked playfully.  You didn't realize that a single sentence struck a chord in Ominis.  Not in a bad way, but in a way of remembrance.  He heard that time and time again in your younger years, from his former best friend.  His trust was always placed in Sebastian's hands, and it would either be altered or shattered.  The last time he trusted his old friend, he almost lost him.  
Yet you were different. Though you were trying to help Sebastian in finding his way again, you never broke Ominis's trust in you.  He never felt It waver or severe even, to which he knew he could trust you more than others in his life.  It was hard for him to lean on another person outside of his family, his cruel and dark family. You seemed to be a light to him, a warm light, something he was used to for the longest time.
That warmth and light morphed into a crush, something Ominis swore he would take to the grave. 
"You know I trust you," Ominis reasoned, yet he could tell you were rolling your eyes with him as you then flicked out your hand and gave a tug of your wrist.  The broom shot up into your palm within a flash.
"Then get on the bloody broom," You replied, Ominis could hear the small snark in your tone as you swung your leg over the broom, legs slightly bent and one hand gripping the broom.  Your other hand hung at your side, waiting for some kind of signal from your friend if he was going to come with you.  You knew Ominis would be set in his ways, a little harder to budge.  But he was also no wallflower, not entirely.  
You were surprised to see him reach out his hand in your direction, a smile breaking out on your lips.
You took his hand in yours, tugging him gently to walk over to where the broom was.  It came to his thigh, to which you lowered the broom to have him tentatively step over.  He did it with some reluctance, now sitting behind you as you recentered yourself on the broomstick.  Feeling his body heat behind you, through the sweater you were wearing and his blazer, you felt your stomach do a little tumble.  
"Ready?" You asked, looking your shoulder at his face.  His eyes looked petrified, though they shined in the sun as he nodded his head rapidly.  You reached to take his hand to place along your waist, feeling him freeze up for a moment as his fingers danced along your sweater, "Hang on, Ominis,"
You kicked off, the broom making you two hover over the ground only by a foot or two as Ominis clung onto you for dear life with his arms around your waist in a death grip.  It made you smile, sensing his worries and fears but still willing to get on a broom because it was you.  The friendship you two built together, the long talks and moments together simply make your bond together just as strong if not stronger.  
You moved a bit higher now, both pairs of feet dangling as you were getting your sense of gravity back together.  The wind licking your face and the cool rush heard in your ears as Ominis was leaning against your back.  Once again you felt his body heat, thou it was a bit stronger now as his face was against your shoulder blade, facing out into the pitch as you placed your feet up and under the broom.
"Ready?" You asked, feeling him nod his head against your shoulder, "I'll go around the pitch for now, just for you to get used to it,"
"I'm already regretting this," He mumbled against your sweater as you started moving forward a bit, very slow, and bit barely any force.  As much as you wanted to pull his leg and start flying at top speed, you also were being considerate of Ominis and his comfort.  Not that he was against Quidditch, but he loved hearing all about your matches and even attended a few to show support for his house.  But he would rather be stable and on the ground, such a contrast to you.  You were used to flying at top speed, speeding along the quidditch pitch and even outside the ground when you could get away with it.  
"Alright, here we go," You voiced, dipping the broom slightly to make your way forward.  Although you were flying nice and slow, you were still hesitant since you felt Ominis clinging to you.  But you weren't hearing him tell you to land, nor were you hearing the fear in his voice or his breath.  He was rather calm and collected, his grip on your waist still consistent.  The last thing you wanted to do was spook him, though you were trying to clear your cluttered mind in how close he was against your back and his arm still around your waist. 
"We just did a loop around the pitch," You informed him as you moved around the curve that was behind the goalposts, "How are you doing back there?"
A pause hung in the air, and then a voice was heard, "It's…it's not as bad.  Are we very high up?"
You had to smile, hearing the small amount of hope in his tone.  It was such a contrast to how he sounded before he got on the broom.  Now, he sounded a bit calmer…almost a peace in a way.
"Shall I describe it all to you?" You asked him, feeling him nod his head against your shoulder as you took in a long breath, "We're about 30 feet now, facing the school.  You should see the school with the sun in the windows…it's breathtaking,"
You saw all the stained glass windows shining in the sunlight as the sun was getting lower in the sky.  The red and gold in the Gryffindor tower windows to the left, some of the glimmer of the Great Hall windows that brought sparkle and color.  It took your breath away, inwardly wishing that Ominis could at least see what you were experiencing.
"Breathtaking?" Ominis questioned, his voice sounding unsure as he could hear it in your voice: the softness, the gentleness that almost seemed like bells to his ears.  He always loved the way your voice sounded, nothing harsh or gritty, nor was it too light like air.  It was the right balance, and he was someone who would prefer balance over chaos.  
Of course, you would be the one to shake up his balance of life.
"The Gryffindor tower windows….the red stain glass windows look like rubies!  And the Great Hall windows, it's like the reflection of the water in the lake.  So many colors….it's swirled together like a painting,"
"You mean….like those muggle toys that muggle childcare look through with one eye?  Like a telescope?" Omimis asked in curiosity.  You giggled.
"I think you're talking about a Kaleidoscope," You commented, "But yes, just like a Kaleidoscope."  It's beautiful,"
Ominis could picture it in his mind, the swirls of colors along the windows and the light touching out from the school onto the grounds with ease.  Just the way you described it to him alone made it memorable to him.  He was used to others describing things to him, actions and whatnot so that he wasn't feeling left out.  He never minded it, it was something he was used to all his life since he was born blind.  
Yet, this was different, very different.  He could see it clearly in his mind as you described more of the castle and still flew around the pitch, still keeping at a steady pace.  He could see it all: the Ravenclaw Tower and how it stretched out to the sky with ease, the boathouse on the top of the lake that seemed so secluded with the ripping waters around it, even the grassy plains near the Magical Beasts area where the Beast corals were.  You left no detail to him, which warmed his heart all the more as his fears and insecurities melted away.  
He's listened to so many voices in his lifetime and he knew them all my heart: the sternest of his father, the bitterness and cold demeanor of his mother, the light and yet broken tone of Sebastian, the once calm and gentle tone of Anne.  Ominis knew to listen beyond the voice, to sense the person behind it and what they were about.  If they were good, if they had intentions that lead in the right direction.
With you, he felt something else.  
He sent a lot of things: stubbornness in wanting to do what was right, tenderness in helping those who truly needed the help, sarcasm when facing a foe. But most importantly, he sensed love.  
Love, from what he knew, was a fleeting feeling.  Apart from his Aunt, he rarely felt it himself.  Not that he never loved his parents or the life he had because of the privilege handed to him.  But it was different with his family, even different from his best friend.  The love he felt in you, heard in you, seemed organic. Like roots to a new plant that was taking to the soil and not letting go.  Or the river banks in the early morning, already roaring with life with no signs of stopping.  
He felt love with you, and it both scared him and entranced him at the same time.  
After a few more minutes of you telling him all you were seeing, you landed back on the ground with ease now since Ominis was smiling from ear to ear.  You both dismounted, Ominins shifting a bit on his feet a bit uncomfortably as you smiled at him, "We should head to dinner before we get caught out here," 
"You're right, I don't want you to get in trouble," Ominis reasoned, and as you were about to walk and head over to the opening that led out of the pitch, he stopped you and took your hand in his.  You felt the gentle touch of his fingers along yours as if he was afraid to grip you too hard and inflict you pain.  It made you freeze, watching him now as he cleared his throat.  Even the grey mist in his eyes seemed lighter now than they were before you mounted the broom together.
"Thank you, for doing that for me," He thanked, his voice light and tender.  You squeezed your fingers together gently, like a pulse.
"Of course, Ominis.  I enjoyed it very much," You explained, and you were telling the truth.
"As did I," he added in agreement. And for some reason, neither one of you wanted to let go of the other.  It felt like a seal, a new seal that was already made new and strong enough to not be bent or broken.  
So you both held on, walking back to the castle hand in hand.  It would be a story you would think back years later on your wedding day, and when your first son was born 3 years after that too. 
The End.
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Tagged - @a-lumos-in-the-nox
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maleyanderecafe · 20 hours
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Good day! I was wondering if your review on Restart Heart has changed after the new demo came out recently? If you haven't played it yet, I suggest trying it out and letting us know what you think of it.
After trying my hand at the updated demo, I can safely say that my personal opinion has changed quite a bit since the very first version. The MC seems a touch more like an insufferable prick now with how rude they are towards some characters, how "Mary Sue" they act in given situations, and how they overreact to certain events occurring around them. Their inner thoughts and rational thinking are nothing like mine as well, but that's more of a personal thing. While I'm aware it's currently still a demo and these events aren't considered "canon" by the dev, it isn't exactly doing a good job at persuading me to try out the finished version of the game once it comes out.
I do like that there are more than one "main" yandere now, however unfortunately none of the other characters aside from Ezra and Sammy really appeal to me. Each character seems very "stereotypical" and play into a very specific trope, but it's been like that since the first release so I'm not too bothered by it. I guess I was hoping for more developed and interesting characters in the update and got let down with the lack of improvement from the first version.
I'm also unsure how I feel about how overly "woke" the demo is trying to be? The overuse of Arabic phrases by Bess seems somewhat out of place and repetitive, so many characters are overtly trans or use their ethnicity as a base for their personality (especially seen on tumblr), the NSFW scenes [in the first version] feel like I was being babysat with the constant "consent check ins" and boundary implementations, and characters like Steph talk about their job [a pornstar] as though it's something to glorify or romanticize. The game's job is to make these characters appealing enough for us to pursue but I can't get over how forced/unnecessary their backstories and personalities feel. I'm transmasc myself but I'm put off by these constant reminders being shoved in my face at every turn, especially on the official tumblr page. I like that these sorts of things are being represented in a positive way (much less in a visual novel where it's so rare), but I don't like how constant and overplayed they are.
I will say that the writing has definitely improved in the new demo and it doesn't feel as overtly casual with the grammar and punctuation anymore (almost as if the narrator was texting me rather than talking to me). The characters have established connections with the MC now which I like, though I understand that this may not be everyone's cup of tea. The new CGs are nice too, however I won't comment on the updated art style since I personally prefer the scratchy anime style of games like TKATB, Mushroom Oasis, and even 14DWY [the first version]. I've always liked the music used and the GUI looks good, so I didn't mind not seeing much of an update for them in the new demo.
Overall, I have mixed feelings but I'm hopeful and optimistic that the finished version will be much better if the updated demo is anything to go by. I also hope there won't be a price tag on the finished product because as good as it is now, there is still so much that needs to be improved on to justify even a $5 label. These are my personal thoughts, though I'd love to hear yours as well.
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It took me a while to replay the new demo and then find the older demos since it's no longer on the itchio page (There is still a link for the third day, but I had to watch epsylion's video on the fourth day, which excludes some routes). I admit that while I am generally aware of what is going on with various vns and their updates, I haven't had time to really go through and play most of them, so if there is a game that I have gone over before but it has updated, feel free to send me an ask.
Restart Heart seems to have an interesting conception, with the game going up to it's fourth day, before eventually being pulled back into a shorter demo that encapsulates the first day, likely to revamp and improve on the game as a whole. As such, I'm not sure if I've missed anything specifically as I'm not on the patreon . As a quick recap, the general plot of the first demo was that the MC, Sugar basically went on a huge party rager after finding out their ex fiance cheated on them and got their younger sister pregnant. As a result, the four days that we do spend with Sugar and the other characters are generally Sugar attempting to get back on their feet with the help of Ezra and the other characters, Bess, Blaire, Sammy, Chris and Steph along with sleeping with some of them if you so choose to. The new demo is a bit similar but only covers Sugar before finding out about the cheating, with them having a smaller interaction with the rest of the crew at the chocolate place they work at (namely that they almost got crushed by a bunch of staplers).
I think compared to the four day version of Restart Heart, I actually prefer this new demo's Sugar to the old one, though that's likely going to change once they find out about the cheating that's going on. While I understand that Sugar is going through a generally horrible situation of someone cheating on them, I also find their behavior kind of hard to deal with and not that much fun to play with. This is just my general gripe with a lot of yandere vns, not just Restart Heart in particular, where the MC tends to be very cynical and dislikes doing... well anything, which to me is a touch tedious and kind of annoying at times. I also feel like from the four day version, they feel a lot more bitter and angry (again due to the break up) but also coddled very heavily as well. Understandably it is nice to have someone who is able to care about you and try to make things feel better when everything feels like it's falling apart, but to me it still feels very infantalizing in some aspects, with every character seemingly trying to nurse Sugar back to feeling better. It's likely more of a me thing since I've always been the type of person to drag myself back up by my feet, rather than attempt to rely too much on other people. In the new demo, Sugar has yet to experience this (at least from what I can tell) so is generally more stable and less prickly. I don't think it's particularly Mary Sue like in the new demo, considering that I feel like if my friend almost got crushed by a bunch of staplers, we'd all run over there too and make sure that they're okay, though I can see where you're coming from since most of the characters are revolving around Sugar in that sort of way. It's hard to say what kind of characters the Restart Heart gang will be considering that it is still a demo, but considering it did have four days already out, I can see what you mean. We don't get to see too much into their lives (outside of Blaire, I think which probably has the most characterization out of Chris and of course Ezra). It would be nice for them to do other things as well like go out on dates or just hang out more one on one (like going to hang out at the library with Sammy, for instance) to get to know them a bit more.
Interesting take on it. I did notice that Bess uses a lot of Arabic phrases, kind of like someone who is trying to learn the language and is attempting to use it in their every day life so that they can remember it. I don't think that specifically was the intention, but it did come off like that for me. I'm not really sure what you mean by "overtly trans or use their ethnicity as a base for their personality", do you mean as more of like that's their main personality trait? A very minor confusion I have with the game is the use of pronouns that are attached onto the characters. That in itself isn't really a problem but it does seem a touch redundant because there is a character bio for all of the characters that already has the pronouns on it. Not anything huge, but it is a strange decision to make. The checkins for nsfw content is generally a thing that happens in a lot of r18 yandere vns, but I do get that it does feel very babysitting like, especially if it's something that happens after the initial agreement.
I do agree that the writing has improved a lot more, with the characters written in a more lifelike manner and feels more like they have known Sugar for a while. I also agree that it's nice that they have more stronger connections to Sugar this time around. I think the music is good, though I do wish that they would change it up more since the same soundtrack repeated does make it a bit tiring (though this is likely just a demo thing). Lilith did a good job of coding everything as expected, especially with the pronoun, name, partner, nickname choices in the very beginning. There is a lot of variation for people who want to be called a specific way during the NSFW parts (though admittedly I don't really like most of them since well, I prefer submissive yanderes). They are doing a lot of projects right now, so it is hard to say when the full version will come out and what the quality will be right now. Hopefully it will come out well though, and there will be more yandere content that I can shift through.
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Text
Unwarranted
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Words: 4,983
POV: 3rd Person
Pairing: Team Free Will x Male!ExAngel!Reader [Platonic]
Warning(s): Mention of past sexual harassment, sexual harassment, angst, hurt/comfort
Summary: Humans are interesting and complex creatures, and ever since the reader lost his grace, he had to learn to become one. Luckily, he had his friends by his side to help him through his trials and tribulations. What happens when he's face-to-face with a human experience he never anticipated, and how will Team Free Will help him resolve his issue?
Request:
Hi! I hope you're having a good day/night. This request is very specific. I would write it myself, but im awful at it. I hope you don't mind, lol.
May you do (ex?)Angel!Male!reader x TFW (platonic obv). You can make it where Reader joined after the angels fell and was castiels past battle partner and was good friends with him, or something else if you'd like.
Reader lost his grace after a rogue angel took it from him. He has no idea how to be human and struggles a lot, even with the help of Dean, Sam, and Castiel. Anyways, to get to the point- Reader picked a pretty attractive vessel, so both men and women hit on him a lot when the group goes to diners or bars and most of the time Reader wanders off to explore since hes never really gone to earth before so the boys never notice, and he doesn't know how to react or what to do when they start to get touchy, only that he doesn't feel comfortable with it at all, but he thinks if he tells them to stop its a form of being rude, so he never says so. the person usually stops when they realize Reader isn't having the type of reaction they were looking for.
When Reader mentioned this to the boys randomly, they realized that Reader didn't know that it was bad that they were touching him and explained what it was, what to say, and do when that happens and comforts him when he finally cries as a human.
Anonymous
A/N: I am so sorry for going off the grid for a while! Honestly, keeping track of dates and time frames has not been my strong point, especially with everything going on with work. Luckily I'm almost done with another request as well and will have that up by this weekend! I hope this gives the request justice. As always, feedback is very much appreciated!
~ Much Love!
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Humans are interesting and complex creatures, each with their own thoughts, wants, needs, and interests. When (Y/N) first joined Castiel on Earth two years prior, he was amazed by the array of personalities and emotions. No two people are alike, but, due to the vast differences, many of them can be categorized under three distinct titles; good, neutral, and evil.
The good people are the ones who are selfless. They take the first step when it comes to helping others. They aren’t perfect but they are as close as anyone can be. Only a small amount of people fit into the category of ‘good’, most of which find themselves canonized into sainthood years after death. Many strive to be classified under such a prestige title, but few make the cut. However, just because someone isn’t worthy of the title, doesn’t make them a bad person automatically. 
Neutral individuals are what most would describe as your ‘average Joe’. It is the category in which most people lie. They are neither good nor bad. The choices they make in life come with a mix of positive and negative intentions. An example of a neutral person could be someone’s English teacher, who partakes in volunteer work after hours, or your boss, who had just been caught cheating on his wife with Jim from the mailroom. Just because people do bad things, doesn’t make them inherently evil. 
True evil is much darker. An individual who would put a demon to shame with their actions, thoughts, and desires. One with little regard for the well-being of others. Ones that hurt others purely for self-gratification. To gain an advantage. Those are the ones that end up in prison or a seat in Congress. They’re usually manipulative, have a silver tongue placed in their mouth at birth, and can easily coerce those who are weak and gullible. 
(Y/N) had met his fair share of individuals from all three categories throughout his time on Earth, supernatural entities excluded. At first, with his angelic powers, he was able to make an assumption of others based solely on their thoughts. Ever since the fall, however, his judgments on people had become rather askew. He was able to get the full experience of being human - not able to truly tell what one was thinking during various interactions - and he would be lying if he said he enjoyed it. Rather, the lack of understanding when it came to others caused him to develop a sense of paranoia. The last thing he wanted was for others to assume the worst of him. Even as an angel, he would treat the worst of the worst with as much kindness as he could muster.
Little did he know that the paranoia would lead to his downfall and a deep realization of how evil some people could be.
The first couple of weeks after his grace was stolen, (Y/N) was lost. He knew next to nothing about maintaining the necessary needs to keep his body alive. It was all tedious in his eyes. Why did humans need to eat, drink, and go to the bathroom so much throughout the day? Who possibly had the time to do so? Do they have to thread their needs into their schedules for work and school? On top of that, why did humans need to pay for food and water? Were they not necessities? Why would someone need to pay to survive? (Y/N) held a plethora of questions in his mind that still go unanswered. 
Thankfully, Castiel, Sam, and Dean were all there for him, guiding him through the processes necessary to provide for his new form. It took a while for him to get the hang of it - the most overwhelming thing was when he was introduced to a large variety of foods. All the new flavors and textures send his tongue into sensory overdrive. Dean was more than happy to realize, though, that the two of them were rather fond of the same flavor of pie. 
With the loss of his grace came the depletion of his strength. He was no longer invincible to man-made weaponry. Because of this, and since Sam and Dean’s jobs were so physically demanding, they spent weeks in training. Blades, firearms, and hand-to-hand all had their challenges, but (Y/N) was a quick learner, something the brothers respected him highly for. Within a month and a half, he was on the road with them, hopping from case to case. 
Saving people, hunting things, the family business. 
And true it was. The time he had spent with Castiel and the Winchesters was extensive, and there was never a dull moment. Away from the darkness and the monsters that crept in the night, Sam and Dean were playful jokesters. Childish, yet mature when they needed to be. It was noticeable that Castiel had also developed certain aspects of their personalities, as he was more lighthearted than when (Y/N) first met him. As time passed, (Y/N), too, started to display those characteristics. He felt like a member of the team. A real Winchester. For the first time since the fall, he felt at home. 
*~*
(Y/N) had been to a handful of bars since he turned human, before becoming an honorary member of the Winchester family, and there was one fact he could confidently state; he didn’t like them. 
Sure, he met some rather nice people while at said bars, mainly the middle-aged female bartenders who gave off a motherly aura, but with every kind individual he saw, he encountered twice as many assholes. Those were the ones that drunkenly called him slurs even though they knew nothing about him, the ones that shoved him out of the way when they wanted to get to the bar, or the ones that continuously pushed their limits on his personal boundaries.
Unfortunately, he had experienced the latter more than he would have liked.
He couldn’t quite describe how he felt when he had those interactions. When a bar patron would press themselves against his back or chest, touch his ass or thighs, or even leave kisses on his neck, shoulders, cheeks, and lips. It was decided, though, that he was extremely uncomfortable. Why would he possibly feel that way? He assumed that touches and kisses were how humans expressed affection towards one another. So, why didn’t he like it? He chalked it up to not being used to that form of affection or affection in general. Surely, he was bound to get comfortable with it eventually. 
After-hunt celebrations were common with the Winchesters. Either the day of or the night after, they would all gather at the nearest watering hole, grab a drink or two, and then head back to the motel. Sometimes, Sam or Dean would abandon the group to retreat with a romantic partner, but (Y/N) would always stick with Castiel and the remaining brother. He never had any interest in human relations. It was a new, complex situation outside of learning to be human. He was just getting used to that concept, and he had no desire to learn about other aspects of humanity yet. 
Classy Cline’s sat on the edge of a small town in Washington state. While its name suggested an upscale establishment, the place was, in all actuality, a shit hole. The booths and barstools were ripped at every corner of the seam, the tables were chipped and scuffed, and it appeared as if the employees hadn’t swept or mopped the floor in well over a decade. They had all been to nasty bars in the past, but Classy Cline’s took the cake.
“I don’t even wanna drink from this glass,” Sam mumbled as he eyed the pint glass Dean had placed in front of him. 
While aesthetics weren’t on Cline’s side, the beer looked more than appetizing. An amber/gold liquid, topped with a beautiful, white head. Any beer enthusiast would foam at the mouth at the sight. The glasses, contrary to the floors, looked spotless. If they had put as much effort into cleaning the building as they did disinfecting the glassware, lines would be out the door, and Cline would be a millionaire.
“Oh, don’t be a baby, Sammy,” Dean rolled his eyes and gave a beer to (Y/N) and Castiel. “It may not live up to its name, but the beer sure looks good.”
“Thank you, Dean,” (Y/N) and Castiel spoke in unison.
“I’ll never get used to that,” Dean shook his head and sat down next to his brother. “It’s as if you two are constantly in sync.”
(Y/N) furrowed his brows as he cupped the glass with one hand, condensation coating his palm. “We’re an American boy band from the 90’s?” He cocked his head to the side.
Dean froze, the glass inches from his lips as he shot him a questioning glance. “While I’m proud of you for remembering what I taught you about music, that’s not what I meant. ‘In sync’. Two separate words.”
“Oh…”
“(Y/N) and I have worked together for well over a century. We’re bound to have some similarities.” Castiel explained.
Dean shrugged. “I guess you’re right,” he took a sip of his beer.
(Y/N) noted Sam’s hesitancy to drink, so he took a moment to examine the liquid himself. It looked clean, safe, and better than many other beers he had drank before. He took a swig and was pleasantly surprised to find that it was still very cold. A layer of foam coated his upper lip. Sam picked up his glass and examined the bottom.
“Will you stop that?” Dean scolded. “The beer is fine, Sam, you’re not going to die. You look like an idiot.”
“Well, excuse me for being skeptical, Dean! Have you seen the state of this place? I believe I have a right to be concerned.” Sam hissed.
“The beer is very pleasant, Sam,” (Y/N) smiled as he took another long swig, downing half the pint. 
Sam slowly nodded. “I can tell,” he mumbled and glanced down at his glass. He hesitated for a moment before he took a careful sip, letting the liquid rest against his tastebuds before he swallowed. He hummed and raised his brows. “Wow, that’s pretty good.”
“See? Your big brother knows a thing or two about beer,” Dean smiled.
A bartender waltzed into view - an overworked twenty-something with her dirty blonde hair tossed back into a bun that she should have fixed hours ago. She sat a rocks glass in front of (Y/N), the ice emanating a clink inside as it shifted. He stared and intensely studied the dark liquid.
“I’m sorry, ma’am, but I didn’t order this,” he looked up at her.
The bartender sighed and gestured towards the bar. “The man over there sent it,” she grumbled, her voice unenthusiastic and laced with exhaustion. She didn’t give him any time to further investigate before she swiveled through the booths and tables, vanishing into the crowd of regulars. 
The group looked at the drink with curiosity before their attention shifted to the bar. Only one of the patrons had their gaze glued to the hunters. He looked to be in his mid-forties, with short, salt-and-pepper hair decorating the top of his head and a beard to match. Age lines crinkled the corners of his mouth and eyes. A leather jacket covered his broad shoulders and the jeans he wore left little to the imagination. When (Y/N)’s eyes connected with the stranger’s, the man smirked and winked. (Y/N) continued to stare at him, lips slightly parted, until he felt an elbow in his side. His gaze shot over to the eldest Winchester.
“Give him a smile and a wave. That shows him you appreciate it.” Dean said through a smile.
“Oh,” (Y/N) raised his brows and looked back at the man, whose eyes were still on him. He gave a small smile, followed by a timid wave.
The stranger grinned before he turned his head away. (Y/N) looked down and studied the glass once more. The liquid was a slightly darker shade than the beer, but more transparent. When he picked it up, the liquid sloshed inside. The smell was strong but slightly sweet. Whiskey. A sip of it caused him to cringe. It was Fireball. Not the best choice to send a stranger across the bar, but to each their own. 
Dean leaned in close to him, his cheeky grin still prominent. “You should go over and talk to him.”
“Why?”
“He just gave you a drink. He wants to talk to you.”
(Y/N) gave Dean a confused stare. “How does that-”
“It doesn’t matter.” Dean waved him off. “He’s flirting with you by sending over the drink! You should go flirt back.”
(Y/N) looked from the drink to Dean, from Dean to the stranger. He was a very attractive man, but (Y/N) was far from interested in flirtation. However, if Dean thought he should, what could go wrong? He trusted Dean’s advice.
Hesitantly, (Y/N) stood, the glass of Fireball in hand, and made his way over to the bar where the gentleman sat. He took the empty barstool next to him. The man looked at him out of the corner of his eye and smirked.
“Good to see you up close,” he said and turned his body to face (Y/N). “You’re even cuter than I thought. Chris,” he held out his hand.
This is a handshake. This is how strangers greet each other.
(Y/n) grasped Chris’ hand and shook it gently. He noticed how firm his grip was. “My name is (Y/N),” he said.
Chris smirked. “A beautiful name for a beautiful man,” he pulled his hand away and casually placed it on (Y/N)’s knee. “I’ve been coming here for, close to, fifteen years, and I have never seen anyone as good-looking as yourself. You new around here?”
(Y/N)’s eyes shifted to Chris’ hand before they returned to his face. “My friends and I are on a trip.” He replied. It’s a classic lie most hunters use and one that was taught to him early on in his training.
“Ah, and how long will you be staying?”
“I believe this is the last night we’re here.”
“You’re not sure?”
“My friend, Dean, drives us. He knows more about our itinerary than I do.”
“A ‘go with the flow’ kind of man. I like it.”
As they continued to talk, Chris’ hand ventured further up (Y/N)’s thigh, squeezing the flesh on his leg from time to time. Simple conversation switched to flirting rather quickly, the majority of it one-sided. What started as cheesy ‘first date’ type questions turned risque in the blink of an eye. At first, they were easy questions that (Y/N) could answer without an issue, but once they started to get dirty, his mind turned blank. Half the vocabulary Chris used was new to him. While he knew all of them revolved around sex, he couldn’t quite pinpoint the definition, regardless of the context clues provided. 
He could feel the familiar pit in his stomach as the questions droned on. The sensation that he couldn’t quite give a title to yet. At least, not an accurate one. ‘Uncomfortable’ seemed as if it fit too loosely for the circumstance. It felt as if there were a swarm of bees buzzing around in his stomach, moving from his gut to his chest periodically.
Chris leaned in close to (Y/N)’s ear, his warm, whiskey-filled breath caressing his cheek. (Y/N)’s eyes were cast down. He had lost the ability to maintain constant eye contact when the mood shifted, and the bees began their attack.
“What do you say we get out of here?” Chris asked. “I could show you a thing or two.”
When Chris’s hand landed on (Y/N)’s crotch, every muscle in his body was on fire as they clenched tightly. (Y/N)’s eyes went wide and his body froze. The bees didn’t just fly, they infiltrated his entire nervous system. He felt an overwhelming need to retreat like one would in a battle they knew they couldn’t win. But he wasn’t in a battle. It was a simple conversation. Why did he feel like that?
Chris pressed small kisses on the back of (Y/N)’s ear. (Y/N) inhaled and turned his head slightly, the need to get away from Chris strong. Chris immediately stopped and opened his eyes. He paused for a moment before he pulled away and sighed.
“I see you’re not as interested as I thought you were,” he gave a tight smile, pulled out his wallet, and slammed a twenty on the bar. “Thanks for nothing.” He grumbled before he got up and stormed away.
With his presence gone, (Y/N) felt a sense of peace and ease wash over him. The beating of his heart inside his chest began to lessen and return to a normal pace. With a glance down at his hand, he noticed the way his fingertips trembled. That hadn’t been the first time someone else had gotten so bold with touching him, and he was certain it wouldn’t be the last. When was that feeling going to go away?
After a minute or so passed, he was able to compose himself enough to stand from the barstool and wander back to the table where Sam, Dean, and Castiel sat. He joined them without a word, not wanting to interrupt their conversation, and grabbed his lukewarm beer. There was no chance he was going to drink anymore that night. Not with his stomach as uneasy as it was.
“Hey, you okay?” Sam asked.
“I’m fine,” (Y/N) spoke.
“You sure?” Dean chimed in. “Guy looked like he had a stick up his ass when he left.
(Y/N) shrugged. “I believe he just wanted to leave.” He tried to keep his voice as straight as possible. He could tell his nerves hadn’t fully recovered.
Dean shook his head. “Well, his loss.”
*~*
One thing (Y/N) adored about being human was the way showers made him feel after a hunt. He never quite realized how tense his muscles could get until the hot water caressed his limbs. It was as if all the adrenaline was washed from his body. It made him feel refreshed. Renewed.
That night, he got the last shower. The water wasn’t as hot as other showers he had taken, but he would accept warm any day. By the time he left the bathroom, clad in a pair of night pants and a loose t-shirt courtesy of the youngest Winchester, Sam, Dean, and Castiel were dressed to leave. Another post-hunt celebration. Dean glanced at (Y/N).
“You’re not coming?” He asked. 
(Y/N) shook his head and walked over to his bed. “Not tonight, no.”
“Why not? You never miss out on a bar.”
(Y/N) settled into the bed, and sat up with his legs crossed. “I notice that humans get very physical when they are at bars. I’m not quite used to it yet, so I think I’m going to wait until I’m ready.”
“Ready for what, (Y/N)?” Castiel asked.
“The touching.”
The three of them shared a concerned look before Sam waved his hand dramatically, eyes closed tightly. 
“Wait,” he reached a hand up and pinched the bridge of his nose. “What do you mean ‘get used to’?”
“Well, I’m not accustomed to the way humans express attraction. I surely wasn’t aware that there was as much physical contact involved. So, I figured it was something I would be more comfortable with as time went on. I mean, I never knew strangers were so interested in touching each other’s genitalia.”
They all furrowed their brows, confusion etched perfectly on their faces, and slowly made their way over to the bed. Sam sat at the edge next to (Y/N), Dean stood next to him, and Castiel sat on the opposite side of the bed from Sam.
“(Y/N),” Sam started, his voice soft and steady, the same voice he used when talking to the families of victims. “Have you…given these people permission to touch you?”
(Y/N) cocked his head to the side, slightly taken aback by the question, as it was something he had never even considered before. Had he permitted them to touch him? He could not recall. Then again, he didn’t remember them asking. He took a moment to think back on the times he had been in bars since he became human.
“No,” he answered. “The first couple of times it happened, I pulled away from the touch, as it made me rather uncomfortable, but they would just get upset. One man told me it was wrong to ‘lead him on’ and then deny his touch. After that, I let people touch me. I would like a break from it for tonight.”
“(Y/N), other humans need permission to touch you,” Castiel said.
“But they get upset-”
“To Hell with them being upset,” Dean interjected. “No one has a right to touch you, especially if you don’t want them to.”
“Is that why that one guy left the last bar we went to left? You wouldn’t let him touch you?” Sam asked.
(Y/N) could feel his cheeks and neck heat up. He suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to hide his face. Was it because of the answer to the question? Was it because of the question itself? He couldn’t quite pinpoint the origin of the sense of dread, but he knew it wasn’t going to vanish anytime soon.
He shook his head, eyes cast down to his hands. “I let him touch me. I assume it was because I didn’t respond when he asked me to leave with him.”
Dean’s jaw clenched as he ran a hand down his face. “Son of a bitch,” he growled and began to lightly pace between the motel beds.
Sam slowly shook his head. “(Y/N), those people are horrible. You should never touch someone without consent, and you should never let anyone touch you if you are uncomfortable with it. Do you understand?” His eyes were laced with sympathy.
(Y/N) went to say something, but he felt a lump in his throat prevent him from doing so. Instead, he just gave a short, brief nod.
“I can only imagine how tough it was to become human. To lose all that power. You may not have the power to heal us anymore or read others’ minds, but you are still your own person, (Y/N). You have the power to tell people to keep their hands off of you. You have the power to let yourself have a good time at these places. It doesn’t matter what other people think about your choices. In the end, all that matters is you, okay?”
“Okay,” he replied, his voice shaky and barely above a whisper. 
(Y/N) sniffled, and he felt as if his head was pulsing. Tears sprung to the corner of his eyes and cascaded down his cheeks. For the first time since he lost his grace, he cried. It wasn’t loud and dramatic, but, rather, soft.
It explained so much. How he hated the way bar patrons touched him, the sinking feeling when they got too close, the panic that coursed through his veins. That was no flaw on his part, but a flaw on the strangers. What they did was wrong, not him.
And that validation broke him.
(Y/N) immediately knew he hated crying. His chest ached as the silent sobs racked his body. In a way, it was relieving, though. It felt as if all of the pent-up discomfort was being released. As if he was reborn. Still, it hurt worse than it did comfort him.
Castiel was the first to respond as he placed a gentle hand against (Y/N)’s back, Sam, being the closest, engulfed him in a near bone-shattering embrace, and Dean halted his paces to kneel beside the bed, one of his hands landing on the small of his back. (Y/N) closed his eyes tight and leaned his head against Sam’s chest. Their touch made him feel safe. This was a good touch. This was how touch should make him feel. He shouldn’t be forced to feel uncomfortable to please others, because, in reality, some people aren’t going to like him, even if the reasons are far from valid. It was a harsh reality, but as long as he had his family by his side, he didn’t mind if the whole world hated him.
After a few quiet minutes, filled with silent cries, the tears stopped. (Y/N)’s eyes were bright red and puffy, and he occasionally sniffled.
“Hey,” Dean said, his voice soothing.
(Y/N) lifted his head from Sam’s chest and glanced over at him. Sam pulled back a bit so the embrace wasn’t nearly as intense.
“If you’re ever in a situation like that, where some douchebag won’t keep his hands off of you, all you have to do is say the word and we’ll kick his ass for you.”
“What if it’s a woman?” He asked quietly.
Dean opened his mouth to give a quick answer but shut it as he thought about it. “Then we will have Cas bring Jody or Charlie in to kick her ass. The point is; fuck everyone else.”
(Y/N) furrowed his brows. “Does that not mean to have intercourse with them?”
Dean sighed. “Sam, Cas, a little help?”
“What Dean is trying to say,” Castiel chimed in. “Is that you should not prioritize other peoples’ desires over your comfort. You are more important than a stranger. They are not important, you are, and what other people think doesn’t matter. If someone does not listen to you when you deny them, we will do everything in our power to protect you. We still care about you, and want what’s best for you.”
Dean pressed his lips together and nodded. “Couldn’t have said it better myself. That’s exactly what I meant.”
Sam rolled his eyes, but couldn’t hold back his smirk. “Look, we know how tough it is to be human. Dean and I have been dealing with this our whole lives. We know that there are setbacks that come with the package, but there are also a ton of fun experiences. We don’t want some jackass to ruin it for you. Cas said it better than Dean or I could. We care about you and want to do everything we can to look out for you. You deserve it.”
The tears reappeared, but they weren’t tears of sadness. They were tears of joy. Of relief. As if his heart would burst with all the love and care his friends will it with. (Y/N) took a moment to wrap his arms around each of them in an individual hug to show his appreciation. 
“Thank you. I am very grateful to have friends like you.” He smiled warmly.
Dean smiled before he cleared his throat and waved him off. “Alright, enough of the chick-flick crap,” he said as he stood from his spot on the floor, a groan escaping his throat that he tried not to make too noticeable. “What do you say we skip the bar tonight, order some takeout, and watch a movie? I hear Roadhouse is on at seven.”
(Y/N) cocked his head to the side. “What’s Roadhouse?”
Dean froze, wide-eyed. His jaw dropped in shock. “‘What’s Roadhouse’?” He repeated in disbelief. “Action movie? Patrick Swayze? Sam Elliott? Kelly Lumch? Julie Michaels? Keith David!?” With each name, his voice got louder.
“Are those actors?”
“I-” Dean threw his hands up as he turned his back on him and began to pace around the room once more.
(Y/N) flashed a worried look at Castiel, then Sam. Sam shook his head and chuckled. 
“Dean’s just being dramatic,” he whispered, which caused (Y/N) to let out a sigh of relief.
“I am not being dramatic!” Dean retorted before he stopped, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. “This is all my fault. I was so focused on teaching him about good music that movies never crossed my mind. Have you at least seen Indiana Jones?”
“Indiana…as in the state?”
“If it makes you feel any better, (Y/N), I, too, have yet to see Roadhouse or Indiana Jones,” Castiel said.
Dean deadpanned. “I have some work to do. Sam, go get us some food. I need to make a list of movies for them to watch.”
Sam snorted as he stood from his spot on the bed. “Yeah, yeah. Just text me what you guys want.” He mumbled and retrieved his jacket from the back of one of the chairs.
As Sam left to get them food, Dean began to ramble on about movies he determined (Y/N) and Castiel had to watch, most of which were either action or old westerns. He talked with such passion regarding the films that (Y/N) couldn’t help but smile. Dean was right, the opinions of others didn’t matter, especially those whose only goal was to satisfy their selfish desires, disregarding others’ wellbeing. They were foolish, scum, true lions in sheep’s clothing. Those hidden evil beings could make themselves look innocent. (Y/N) didn’t need to please them. Didn’t need to make them happy. He only wanted to make his family happy, just as they did him. For how much they’ve helped him on his treacherous journey into manhood, they deserve it, for they have taught him the most valuable lesson of all;
His worth was priceless.
“Hey, are you even listening?”
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