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thatbadadvice · 1 year

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Dear advisor,

(Apologies in advance, english is not my first language)

I made 2 friends in clg (K and P) i was especially close with K, talked and shared a lot with her. Suddenly she started being mean to me and it reached a point where we stopped talking. When i asked what her problem was, she basically said she prioritises P and i'm intruding their friendship, taking up all of P's time. And that hurt really bad, felt angry at them both. I gave them "space", stopped talking, it was more awkward because i didn't have friends other than them. Moving on, we got our finals result, K and P they both got second place and... i feel like shit. I really wanted to be better than them, show that i'm cool(ik its cringe) now i'm really insecure and feel so untalented. Every time i do something, i always think about how they would've done it much better. I'm on my final year, soon have to start applying for jobs and i don't want to be like this. I have already put them on a pedestal and can't stop comparing myself to them.

Readers sometimes send Bad Advisor their real-ass questions to answer, so the Bad Advisor is periodically going to try her hand at answering them. If you’d like to submit a question for a Good Advice Interlude, use the “ask” form!

Oh, friend! Thank you so much for sending in this question, and for having the bravery and aplomb to write it both elegantly and colloquially in a language that is not your original tongue.

Do you know what the Bad Advisor would have to do if she had to write an advice-seeking letter in another language? She would have to write to some French agony aunt and ask them where the bathroom is and if she can please have an Aperol spritz and do they like dancing? Because that is the extent of the Bad Advisor's ability to communicate in her non-native language! Please do not feel obligated to apologize for doing a brilliant and hard thing. For this reason alone, the Bad Advisor hopes you raise yourself in your own estimation, because the Bad Advisor is extremely the fuck impressed, and the Bad Advisor hopes her opinion counts for something. (After all, you asked!)

There is a saying in English: "Comparison is the thief of joy." This feels like a saying that should not be an English saying, because the English-speaking world, a world of colonizers and capitalists, is a world in which comparison is the foundation of all we do -- we compete, we contend, we dominate! (I, a professional writer with a better-than-average command of my native language, used a thesaurus to fill out that sentence!) But perhaps for this reason, we understand the trauma of comparison all the more deeply.

Comparison, that miserable poacher of happiness, robs us of our ability to appreciate so much: what we can do, what we enjoy doing, what we dream of doing. Cruelly, comparison hits us hardest in the parts of our lives we care most about. Would that it were otherwise! But it explains why I can thrill at watching the Olympics, or celebrate someone else's ability to change a car tire or swat a humongous bug without descending into despair. I have no expectation of myself that I will become an Olympic athlete (I simply could never), or change a tire (I can happily pay for this service), or deal with an insect intruder (only upon pain of death or the absence of my less-squeamish partner). But in my very worst and often even my entirely average moments? I sometimes squirm and froth upon reading a brilliant book, a thoughtful op-ed, or just an excellently executed sentence. Because those are things I believe I can, I must, I SHALL do! When I fail to do those things, or when I have not yet done those things -- things I believe myself to be capable of, things I believe I should be capable of -- I feel small and silly and worthless.

The only fix that I have found to those feelings of smallness and silliness is to acknowledge them and unpack them as signals that they are telling me something not about what I can't do, but about what I can do and deserve to do. These feelings come sometimes about people I deeply love and care about, and sometimes they come about strangers! But every time, they tell me something about myself that I have not tended and cared for and nourished and celebrated.

It is easy and satisfying and perhaps even motivating to be mad at and jealous of strangers; it is so much heavier and more shame-inducing to feel these feelings about people we know and love. And you were pushed aside by K and P, who you know and love(d), in ways that sound especially unfair and unkind. Which I expect makes this hurt all the more! I think you know you cannot fix whatever smallness and meanness made K and P sequester themselves and their relationship away from you; you're not asking about that. But you want to move beyond this feeling of having to win at life before or over them, and you recognize already that living in their shadow will only bring darkness to you.

Metaphorical solution: move out of the darkness by giving yourself a bigger world where there is more space to find sunlight. This world is waiting for you, because you are about to embark upon a post-college career that naturally lends itself to such! Perhaps you will see K and P's shadows for a while -- but as you move farther from their branches that shade your sunny picnic, you will find other, more welcoming spaces in which to enjoy your meal, and the tree at the other end of the park will seem less and less like it is threatening to ruin your good time.

Practical solution: indulge yourself in the things you love and care about most, honor and cultivate other people's interests in those same things, and find something wholly unrelated to fail at. To wit:

indulge yourself: someone will always be better, maybe even much better, at the thing you love and are best at. They might be first. They might, for now, be the only. That's inevitable. Work to do your best at what you love, and to be proud of what you're doing on your own terms. I can't think of a single discipline -- academic, arts, cultural, scientific, political, or otherwise -- in which any person on earth can claim to be the "first, last, and only." We all build on the work of others; the fact that someone did better than you or preceded you is only evidence that there is room for you to innovate, to change, to bring your own perspective. Internalizing this is really, really hard, and in my experience almost impossible to achieve if you resist the next bullet point.

support other people's interest in your field: this is different to "networking." I mean: find folks who you like and think are fun and interesting and maybe are a little newer to your thing than you are, and offer them guidance or just a place to commiserate and see where that takes you. The best cure for feeling bad about yourself is to do a good turn for someone else -- not out of pity or self-interest, but because helping other people lifts us up in immeasurable and intangible ways, sparks new ideas, and opens new venues for change and innovation.

fail at something: one of the best things you can learn to do is learn to be bad at shit. I'm bad at embroidery, and I do it a lot! I give my ugly embroidery things to friends and family members who appreciate the thought and the effort more than the execution! When I can't find anyone to give my bad embroidery to, I put it on the Bad Embroidery shelf in my office or pawn it off to my husband, who has his own Bad Advisor's Bad Embroidery Shelf in his office. I never get better at embroidery, but I keep doing it because: it's pretty enough even when it's bad, I don't need to succeed at it to enjoy it, and it calms my ADHD-addled mind even when I can't tell a tiger from a flower. I've learned to be bad at other stuff, too! I took up curling (the sport) and I love it and I fall the fuck over every time I try to deliver that ding-dang kettle. I have a bad knee and always have to use the newbie-balancing thing that first-timers train on. It's fine! And guess what? The people I curl with are really, really bad writers, and it makes me laugh and laugh to read their emails. And you know what? They don't care that I'm bad at curling and I don't care that their emails are poorly written.

the tl;dr: Earlier in my Bad Advice days, I advised letter-writers to go learn to paint or some shit when they were having a bad time with a fixation on a bad relationship or situation, and I stand by that advice. Learn something new because you deserve something new! You have a bright fucking future ahead of you that involves neither K nor P beyond the great gift they have given you of showing you that your people will always value your input, create space for you and your brilliance, and honor and respect your boundaries.

You can do this, because you already want to. Good luck and let us know how it goes!

#advice #bad advice #good advice interlude #go learn to paint or some shit #friendships #friendship advice #competition #comparison #comparison is the thief of joy #curling #embroidery #college life #academics #university #student life

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chefdoeuvre · 3 years

Text

Infliction

Jay Halstead

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Sister!Reader

Description: It's never your fault, know that.

Words: 3,356

Requested: yes by anonymous; could u do a halstead sister imagine where she is roofied and sexually assaulted by a group of guys at a party? and afterwards she starts to become self destructive (not sleeping, eating, drinking and doing drugs- not legally since she's in high school) and jay catches her a few times and freaks out and just gets super mad at her. but then one day, she finally tells him what happened and he becomes super concerned and protective. then, maybe when voight sees his focus is off he asks him what's going on and jay tells him and then intelligence gets involved + jay has to convince her to go get checked out and have a rape kit done? i guess i wanted intelligence involved because i thought everyone would absolutely love her and she has everyone (even hank who's pissed af when he finds out) wrapped around her finger so antonio, kevin and adam (my bby) are all super protective and upset?? ik it's a lot of detail lmao so feel free to remove whatever. tysm, i love ur work btw :))

Warnings: angst(?), mentions of rape and sexual assault, drugs, language.

A/N: Do not read if any of this can trigger you, please! If any of you need to talk do not be afraid to message me my dms are always open. I apologize in advance for any grammatical errors.

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673

UK Rape Crisis Helpline: 0808 802 9999

Australia National Sexual Assault Support: 1800 737 732

—

Did Jay know you were at this party? Absolutely not. Did Will? Nope. Anyone at all who cares for your wellbeing? Hard no. So maybe you had taken Will and Jay's long shifts for the night as a cue to go to the party. After all, it's not like you were surrounded by strangers. It was your typical movie like high school party, people making out, everyone drinking illegally, and the few people who only showed up because their friends begged them to come along. You were the latter. Your friend and her boyfriend begged you to come saying how you never did anything fun because of who your brothers were. Reluctantly you agreed only because you knew you weren't going to get caught.

So here you were trying to have a semblance of a high school social life. You were the typical teenager, not great at school but not bad, only a handful of friends you hung out with, and no outstanding extracurriculars under your belt. Unless sitting next to Trudy at the front desk at the twenty-first district for hours at a time while doing your homework counted as one.

"Hey, Y/N! Have a drink, let loose." Your friend's boyfriend came over and handed you the stereotypical red solo cup.

"Oh, uh thanks." You smiled, awkwardly accepting the cup before setting it down.

You remembered the millions of times Jay had told you never to accept a drink someone else made for you. No matter how much you trusted them. You walked into the kitchen and found the last water bottle that was in the cooler. Taking it out you took a much-needed sip and scanned your eyes over the party.

The party was filled with people you either knew of or had seen in school. Freshmen and seniors alike were here to have fun. There was the usual group of guys who were having a chugging contest. As if they could handle their alcohol like college frat boys.

"Why hello there." A voice spoke up from behind you.

You turned on your heel quickly to be met with a familiar face. It was Brayden from the school's hockey team. You'd never had an actual conversation with him, but you shared a few classes throughout the day. He was much taller than you remembered, obviously getting a growth spurt.

"Hi." You greeted with a timid smile.

"Water? At a party?" Brayden questioned with furrowed brows.

"I'm not trying to be killed by my older brothers tonight, so water it is." You shrugged.

"Fair enough. Parents are out of town for the week so I guess I lucked out." Brayden nodded.

As time went on you started to feel hot and your head began to hurt. This is what happens when people put the speaker on at full volume and crowd the house with sweaty teenagers.

"Hey, you all right?" Brayden asked with concerned eyes.

"I don't feel so well." You shook your head.

"Head upstairs and try to find an empty room, if you still don't feel well come find me and I can walk you home." Brayden gestured to the currently empty hall while everyone else was cheering on the guys in the living room.

You nodded slowly and began to walk off in search of an empty bedroom to take refuge in. Finally finding one you took a seat on the bed and threw your water bottle onto the floor. You put your head in your hands and tried to calm the pounding in your head.

Moments later the door opened and you picked your head up reluctantly. It was a few guys on the football team.

"You not feeling too hot there?" One of the seniors asked you.

You simply shook your head which only worsened the pain in it. The boys walked a few steps closer before placing their hands on your shoulders. They shoved you back onto the bed and immediately your body began to react.

You kicked and punched aimlessly to get them off of you but your movements were uncoordinated and your mind was foggy. There were too many of them and they began to overpower you, their hands wandering to unwanted places.

Suddenly everything had gone black and you heard someone yelling intelligible words. Then you felt someone shaking you awake.

"Come on, Y/N." A familiar voice said, however, they sounded as if you were underwater.

Something cold and wet was placed on your forehead which prompted you to peel open your eyes. Hovering over you was a worried-looking Brayden. You immediately began squirming away from him and he did his best to calm you down.

"I won't hurt you, I promise. Just please put this on." Brayden held out his hands in mock surrender one of them holding a grip on his sweatshirt.

Watching him carefully you took the sweatshirt from him and pulled it over your tattered clothing. You wrapped your arms around yourself once your mind began to clear up and you realized what had happened.

"What did you drink?" Brayden asked cautiously, sitting a few feet away from you.

"Just that water." You gestured over to the discarded water bottle.

"They must've done something to it. I saw them come over here, but I didn't see them leave. I wanted to check on you." Brayden began to explain what had happened.

"Did they?" You trailed off, unable to get the words out before your throat tightened at the thought.

"No, I pulled them off before they could do anything else." Brayden shook his head with a frown.

"What did they do?" You asked not wanted to look at yourself for confirmation.

"Groping and kissing, I punched a few of them before they could go further." Brayden whispered, you nodded. It made sense, Brayden was more built and taller than the majority of the football team.

"You have to tell someone." Brayden sighed.

"No! No, we can't." You shook your head furiously.

"Okay, we won't. I'm here though, for anything." Brayden reassured you.

"Thanks." You whispered.

"Come on, let me walk you home before it gets too late." Brayden stood up.

You nodded and quietly stood up. He led the both of you outside through the back door which helped you effectively avoid people. You hid behind him the whole time until you managed to get out on the sidewalk. On the trek home, neither of you said a word just the heavy footsteps of the taller boy beside you were heard. Eventually, you made it to your building and walked up the stairs to reach your apartment.

"This is me. Thanks for walking me home." You gave him a broken smile.

"Of course. If you need anything at all, I'm a text away." He gave you a comforting smile before handing you a post-it note with his number scribbled onto it.

"Thank you, again." You nodded before turning the key and walking into the dark, empty apartment you and Jay called home.

The following days after the party your sleep schedule had become nonexistent and you solely became reliant on coffee in the mornings to keep you going. Then when lunch came around you'd give the lunch Jay made you to someone else, just saying that you weren't hungry and had a big breakfast that morning. Your face had become dull and the spark of happiness in you had quickly faded. You weren't eating and you weren't sleeping.

Now at your last resort to keep awake you had started taking Adderall which was a stimulant you had learned about in your health class. Eventually, you had started taking some alcohol from Jay's cabinet and poured them into your water bottle. Your grades started slipping and now you were at risk of failing a few of your classes.

It was enough to say that you had started coping with what had happened in all the worst ways. It was clear to see you weren't dealing with anything and continued to push it all away with illegal responses.

This morning you had thought that Jay went off to the district early after not hearing a peep from him the whole time. However, Jay had seen the change in your attitude and received a few emails from your teachers about your plummeting grades. He took it upon himself to watch over you and see if you didn't anything different. It wasn't stalking per se, he lived with you and was legally in charge of you until you were to turn 18.

You pulled open the pill bottle you had gotten from one of the dealers at school and popped a few into your mouth. Taking a gulp of coffee to wash them down. As you were about to stuff the pills back into your bag a stern voice spoke up from behind you. Jay had seen the whole thing go down. You were in deep shit.

"Give me those." Jay held his hand out expectantly. You knew that tone of voice from anywhere. It was his cop voice and the only other times he would use it is when you knew you were in a lot of trouble.

Jay scanned the writing on the bottle with furrowed brows, "Adderall? Why are you taking drugs that you shouldn't be?" Jay questioned as he clenched his jaw.

"It's nothing, I just needed them to stay awake." You argued, avoiding his gaze.

"These are prescription drugs, Y/N! I thought you knew better than to take those." Jay chastised.

"They help me focus, all right! I gotta go I'm going to be late." You turned on your heel and headed for the door, slamming it shut while Jay was mid shout for you to turn back around.

The rest of the day at school the only thing that running through your mind was the disappointed look on Jay's face this morning. You made it your mission to come up with an actual apology and not a half-assed one. The only way your apology would have a slight chance of being honest was if you were to tell Jay the truth of what happened. For all, he knew you stayed in that night and knocked out early. He had even noticed that the sweatshirt you had been wearing wasn't yours or his. Simply believing the lie that you said you stole it from Will.

The second you walked in through the door after school you saw Jay standing there with his arms crossed waiting for an explanation. He probably found time in the day to come home the time school let out to get something out of you. You dropped your backpack onto the ground and waiting for Jay to speak up.

"Sit." Jay gestured to the couch.

You plopped yourself down on the couch with a sigh as he stayed standing, probably to assert dominance or whatever it is that guys do. Taking his silence as a cue for you to speak you apologized.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to raise my voice." You looked down at your hands.

"I just want to know, why?" Jay shook his head.

You avoided his gaze as you went on to explain that in fact, you had gone to a party the night he had to stay late at work to finish a case. The entire time he kept a straight face, but you could see him clenching his jaw into oblivion. You wiped a few strays tears and had to stop for a few moments to continue explaining, but Jay listened intently.

"Can I?" Jay asked before he went to wrap his arm around your shoulders.

You nodded and he leaned into the couch, pulling you into his side. The two of you sat there until his phone went off signaling that he had no choice but head back into work.

"You all right with staying here alone? If not you can just hang out with Trudy." Jay offered as he clipped his badge onto his waistband.

"No, I'll be okay. Can you bring home pizza?" You asked timidly.

"Yeah, of course. I promise I will do my best not to be late tonight." Jay nodded.

"Okay, thank you." You gave him a small smile.

Jay leaned forward to place a kiss on your head before he headed toward the door to leave. You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding relieved that he didn't press you for anything else or force you to go to Med where Will would inevitably have to learn what happened. It was enough that you told Jay without full-on sobbing, telling the story again to catch Will up to speed couldn't promise you the same thing.

While Jay was at work it seemed like his head was in another universe entirely. He was obviously preoccupied with what you had told him earlier which prompted Voight to pull him off to the side. The both of them currently stood in his office with the door closed while the rest of intelligence worked on finishing up their current case.

"What's on your mind, Halstead? I've never seen you this out of focus." Voight stood there with his usual stony expression.

Jay let out a defeated sigh, "it's about Y/N."

At the mention of your name Voight immediately perked up. Unbeknownst to you, you had all of intelligence wrapped around your finger whether they liked it or not. He gestured for Jay to continue and he did. He explained everything that you had told him and expressed concern for what it was doing to your wellbeing.

"Did she tell you who did it?" Voight asked.

"No, all she said is that they were on the football team." Jay shook his head with a sigh.

"All right, I think we can hold off on finishing the paperwork while we figure this out." Voight said as he headed toward the door.

Stepping out of his office Voight got the entire unit's attention and began explaining that they had a new case to look into.

"What new case?" Antonio questioned.

"Y/N Halstead's case." Voight announced which made everyone snap their heads to look at him for confirmation. With a slight nod, Voight began to explain what Jay had told him.

Antonio's reaction was predictable, he treated you like you were his own daughter. It also helped that you and Eva were near in age.

"You said she recognized one of the seniors?" Adam asked receiving a nod from Jay in response.

"We could be dealing with larger charges if the guy was 18." Adam explained.

"Did she mention any names?" Kim took a seat in front of her computer.

"Yeah, one. Brayden." Jay nodded.

"I think we should bring both of them in, see if we can identify the group of guys who did this." Voight looked to Jay who nodded before gesturing to Hailey to go with him.

You were sitting boredly on the couch as the movie droned on about how to solve the problem they were dealing with. You don't even remember what movie you were watching except for the fact that it was typical. While you were bundled up on the couch the lock to the door of the apartment turned before the door opened and revealed Jay and Hailey behind it.

"What's going on?" You walked up to Jay.

"I'll explain when we're at the district." Jay said.

A while later Jay and Hailey had driven to another house until Brayden had also been brought to the truck with a look of confusion on his face. You shared a glance with the boy and you only sent him a confused shrug.

Eventually, the four of you had made it back to the district with still no information about what you were doing here. However, you had put two and two together once you saw they brought Brayden along. When you had told Jay you didn't expect him to make this a full-blown case.

They had taken you into Voight's office while they took Brayden into the kitchen area. You sat down in the chair in front of Voight's desk while the others stood out in the bullpen discussing things quietly. The moment Jay had walked into the room he sent you an apologetic look as Voight walked in behind him. Your brother kneeled down in front of you before he began to talk.

"I think it's a good idea that you get a rape kit done." Jay spoke quietly.

Immediately you shook your head, "no, I don't need one."

"You said that they drugged you so we need to be sure." Jay reasoned.

"I think I would know if they did, Jay." You argued.

"Just to be sure, all right?" Jay sighed.

"It's too late though. I remember Will saying it only works 72 hours after what happened max. It's been a week and a half, Jay." You shook your head.

"How do you know that?" Jay questioned.

"I may not be doctor material, but I do occasionally listen when Will talks." You explained.

"Did you get any bruises?" Jay asked.

"I have pictures of them on my phone, but they're pretty much gone now." You shrugged.

"No that's good, pictures are evidence." Jay nodded.

"Do you still have the clothes from that night?" A light bulb went off in Jay's head.

"Yeah, I threw them into the corner of my room." You nodded in confusion.

Jay looked up at Voight and they shared a knowing glance.

"Okay, Hailey and Antonio are going to ask Brayden who and what he saw and we'll see if we can find the group of guys who did this." Jay explained, still kneeling down in front of you.

"Yeah, okay." You nodded quietly.

"I'm gonna head back home and grab those clothes, feel free to bother Adam and Kevin while I'm gone." Jay stood up and gestured to the men standing right outside the door. Once they saw that they were caught they immediately turned their heads the other way and tried to play it off.

"You all right, kid?" Voight asked you.

"I will be. Thank you." You gave him a small smile.

"Don't thank me, it's my job." He gave you a right smile back before walking out and gesturing for Adam and Kevin to come in.

"Hey, kiddo." Adam greeted as he took a seat on top of Voight's desk.

"Hi, Adam." You let out a small laugh.

"Can I give you a hug?" Adam asked.

"Yeah." You nodded softly.

He immediately wrapped his arms around your shoulders and held you tightly. In a matter of moments, he began to sway the both of you from side to side which elicited a giggle out of you.

"What's so funny?" Kevin questioned.

"Jay used to do that when I was a kid and he had to leave for deployment. It would always make me feel better." You reminisced.

Once you pulled away there was a buzzing sound which indicated that Jay was back with your clothes. After that everyone went into 'Intelligence Mode' as you liked to call it and went through everything they could to find something about the boys who did this.

It turned out they were all seniors on the football team and based on the descriptions you and Brayden had given them they found them relatively easily. The majority of the guys were eighteen so that meant that they could be charged as adults which made Jay feel better.

In the end, they were charged with infliction of bodily harm because of the drugged water and sexual assault. Not before Antonio and Voight scared the living daylights out of them for hurting you though. You had apologized to Brayden for involving him but he was fine with it and the two of you ended up becoming close friends which resulted in Jay and Will threatening him which made you laugh. Basically, Intelligence would practically do anything for you and that was made pretty clear after the case was closed.

#fanfiction #imagine #request #one shot #one chicago #one chicago imagine #one chicago fanfiction #chicago pd #chicago pd imagine #chicago pd fanfiction #jay halstead #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead x sister!reader #jay halstead x y/n #jay halstead x you #jay halstead x reader #jay halstead fanfiction

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misssugarlips · 3 years

Text

Oblivion

Pairing: Bucky x fem!reader

Warnings: +18 angst, rape (not from Bucky), a little fluff by the end, swearing, this is so sad tbh

A/N: hey guys! this one shot is different from my others, is sad and there are rape mentions, I haven't been through that, the truth is I tried to write it the best I could, I apologize in advance if I offend someone. This is inspired in the Grimes song Oblivion. There's gonna be a second part to this so...hope you like it! I apologize for any mistake, english is my second language. Gif isn't mine

You still remembered that night, in fact you would always remember it. You left your house around 10pm, slammed the door and put on your headphones. The streets were deserted and dark there was no one around you, a few lights coming out of the houses barely lit your way. Tears were streaming hot down your flushed face. The fight with your mother had left you very affected, you did the best you could and it was never enough, you tried to get a 10 in all your subjects and behave like a good girl, but it was never enough, that 9 had unleashed the fury of your mother making her yell at you. She had affected you a lot and you were already tired so you found yourself in the lonely night listening to music on your mp3 player. You just walked, you didn't know where to go, you didn't have a specific destination. You went through an alley and there were some nasty men smoking. You tried to get out of there but they cornered you.

"What is doing such a pretty girl alone on these streets?" The man cornered you into the alley wall, the smell of beer combined with his breath made you nauseous.

"Please let me go" you begged in a low whisper.

"So innocent, and beautiful" the man caressed your cheek with his callused and dirty hand. You started shaking, you just wanted to get out of there. The man forcefully kissed you leaving traces of saliva on your lips, it was so disgusting that you gagged causing the man to slap you. You cried louder still, you tried to defend yourself to run to some place where you could find someone to help you, but the other man grabbed you from behind immobilizing you, covering your mouth with his hand and with his other hand he kept your hands behind you in a strong grip that was starting to hurt your wrists.

The man in front of you was touching your body obscenely, he tore your jeans ripping them and got rid of your underwear too. He left you exposed and helpless. You were trembling with fear, you knew that you would not get out of this. Through your tears you could see in the distance a tall figure, was a man, he was wearing a mask and his hair was long, he was dressed completely in black.

You tried to bite the hand of the man behind you holding you, he removed his hand from your mouth releasing a groan of pain and you took the opportunity to ask for help from the guy with long hair, he stared into your eyes.

"Help! Please help!" You screamed with all the strength that you had left, your lungs ached and the air was short of you. The man ran quickly where he came from and that's when your faith was completely dissolved, this was your destiny. You prayed to God to grant you death, you would rather die than continue witnessing the stripping of your being.

"Shut up bitch" the man behind you slapped you. "If you're still a little brat, I'll disfigure that pretty face of yours" he squeezed your neck with his hands. You could no longer bear what they were doing to you, you closed your eyes letting life decide your destiny. You vanished. A little 16 year old girl would never be the same again.

Bucky woke up scared, sweating. That nightmare again. Your eyes haunted him every night, reminding him that he couldn't help you. But what could he do? Hydra had screwed up his head, and if there wasn't an order specifically saying to save you, there was nothing he could do. Guilt haunted him every day, every time he saw you in the kitchen, in the living room, in the meeting room. He seriously tried to make amends for what he had done, every day he gave you flowers, he made you breakfast, he tried to make your life easier and as happy as possible. Of course you didn't know that Bucky was the man who could have saved you that night. You thought he was very cute and chivalrous, you were falling in love with him more and more every day, but you didn't have the courage to confess your feelings to him, the truth was that you didn't have the courage to do many things, and less when it came to men you stopped trust them a long time ago, it was difficult for you to live with them or talk with them, since that day you have never been able to regain the social skills that you used to have.

With Bucky was different, he and Tony your cousin, they were the only ones you felt comfortable with. Steve was very cute, Sam and Clint too but you weren't ready to have the trust you had with Bucky and Tony with them. The boys understood it, and tried to be as understanding as possible. Natasha had told them what had happened to you years ago after they spent days begging her to tell them what was the ordeal that had made you become the person you are now.

Bucky had more than earned your trust, after getting rid of Hydra and being welcomed into the Tower as an avenger. He began his search to find you, he followed you very closely, until one day he dared to speak to you. He had promised himself to make your life the best he could, Bucky didn't expect to redeem himself, he did not believe that he could ever redeem himself or forgive himself for what he did or rather for what he did not do .

Bucky approached you in fear, seeing the eyes that haunted him in his nightmares in person terrified him. At first you only spoke to him distantly and your answers were summarized in "yes" and "no"

Seeing your beautiful face vis a vis was an epiphany for him, your face had that childish and scared air even though you were in your 24s. Your eyes revealed pain, they showed how broken you were inside, everything that had been taken from you would never be yours again. Since that day he had been captivated by your beauty and he felt stronger the obligation to be able to make you happy. Later he would discover that you were nothing more and nothing less than Stark's cousin and sometimes you helped Tony in the laboratory since you had an engineering degree. You were just as impressed as he was, the man you had met months ago in the cafeteria and who had been so attentive to you was part of Tony's group of heroes.

Bucky knocked on your door softly, he waited for you to leave your room with a tray in his hands where he had a delicious breakfast waiting for you. You opened the door to find a smiling Bucky carrying a breakfast tray.

"Good morning, doll" Bucky greeted.

"Hi Buck, come in" you smiled at him letting him go into your room. "You can leave breakfast on the table sir, thank you" you joked posing him as a butler. Bucky laughed, patting a space next to him on your bed for you to sit next to him. You took a seat next to him looking at the food, Bucky intimidated you a little, but not in the way other men did, with him you felt comfortable and safe. Only his large, muscular figure made you feel small and his eyes made a warmth emanate from your body.

"It looks delicious, thank you" you gave him a little kiss on his cheek. "I never said it was for you" said Bucky trying to hold back a smile for joking with you. You gently tapped his arm laughing at him, he smiled at you. The tray still rested on his lap. He chopped a piece of pancake and directed it to your mouth "Open up, I'm going to feed you"

"It is not necessary I can eat on my own, in fact since I am 4 I can do it" you replied, you tried to take the fork from his hand but he pushed you away directing the food to your mouth, you opened your mouth eating the piece of pancake letting Bucky feed you. The truth was it didn't bother you that he fed you you found it sweet, but you would never let him know. "Here, orange juice. Lots of vitamin C" he winked at you and you could feel yourself slowly melting away. You've never felt this way with anyone in your life, and you didn't think you could feel that way with someone else.

Bucky saw you with loving eyes, he loved being with you, if it were up to him he would spend all day and every day by your side, but that would make it very creepy and he didn't want to scare you. His love for you had been growing every day. He knew very well that one day he would have to tell you what he knew, and he was afraid, he was afraid that you would turn away from him. That you treat him for what he really was: a monster.

Thanks for reading! Remember there's gonna be a second part, please leave your thoughts in the comments❤❤❤

#avengers #bucky barnes #marvel #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes x y/n #Bucky barnes x fem!reader #winter soldier #james buchanan barnes #fanfiction #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x you

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mmmleckerlecker · 3 years

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I was reading the questions you've answered, and I'm curious now: you said that the co-existence between preds and prey is very recently. So I was thinking the HP world from years ago, when pred could snatch up whoever prey they wanted... How was the society in that time? How did they live? (Headcanon: prey lived underground?) Did the preds have no qualms in consuming whoever they could find? (prey children/teens or the elderly, for example?)... The harmony was founded by a prey or pred? (1/2)

What was the reason for the preds to make the jump from consuming indiscriminately to the public/private contracted prey? (another headcanon: preykind severely disminishing in numbers?) I find your worldbuilding so enchanting, I'm sorry for the avalanche of questions. You're awesome! (2/2)

AHHHH YES!!! THE QUESTION I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR!!! No need to apologize!!! I have considered making a post about stuff like this for awhile now but I’m always like “do people REALLY wanna hear all that?” But now i have the perfect excuse. Thank you, anon! You’re awesome too!! (WARNING this kinda turned into a chapter length read. So I hope y’all like to read history about fictional worlds.)

Okay so. This is all stuff I’ve sorta kept in my head and have built upon when I’ve had ideas, so sorry if there are some gaps currently haha.

So I imagine preds and prey started trying to “make peace” about five centuries ago but didn’t start living in true “harmony” until about two hundred years ago. And I use the term “harmony” loosely because clearly there’s still a lot of infighting happening. Before that, the preds and prey lived in two entirely separate cultures. The prey lived in larger, more stationary groups while the preds lived in much smaller, more nomadic groups. They also DEFINITELY didn’t speak the same language.

So for preds, the groups they would live in were more like traveling pods that consisted of maybe 1-3 families living/working together. Having groups of preds getting too large was… not sustainable. It would create too much competition for food. So each group would usually give other groups of preds a wide berth. Granted there were definitely still spats for territory, especially if said territory had a good supply of prey available.

Prey, much like in modern times, were never really the preds’ main food source, however. Preds would still hunt and gather like normal. It would usually take some organizing to get a raid together on a prey village (or a pred could just get lucky and stumble across one that wandered off alone). Consuming prey all the time was just too much effort. They weren’t a practical food source nor a completely sustainable one if they were over-predated. Also! Keep in mind, the more a pred consumes, the more their body acclimates to handling such a large meal. It would be better for the preds to consume every once in awhile and have their prey take longer to digest (hence, keeping them fueled longer) than to consume ALL THE TIME and risk addiction. I think consuming would probably become more regular in the cold months too, when it was harder for preds to find other food sources.

As for WHO the preds would consume? Definitely adults would make for the best meals. Children? Well, I imagine prey would be very protective of their children, first of all, making them difficult to obtain. But also they would just make… not as filling meals? Also prey children are mostly the same size as pred children so there might be that little hesitation there on the pred’s end as they’re reminded of their own kind. I guess if the pred is desperate? There’s always gonna be a time and place for special circumstances. As for the elderly… I imagine they also live in places that are harder for preds to get to. I also think if a prey managed to live that long, they would have a trick or two up their sleeve. But like I said, there’s always a possibility for things to happen.

Now for how prey live…. Like I said, they live in larger groups. There is safety in numbers, after all. These groups were basically villages, sometimes even cities where prey could really know their territory and set up defenses against any invading preds. (An underground dwelling is really cool idea tho! I also believe that prey evolved to be able to fold themselves up and be comfortable/feel safe in tight spaces that preds could never reach them in, so prey living in like a cave system might actually work really well!) Like it’s been stated in the story, prey tend to have a lot more children than preds for “just in case.” This could cause their towns to become rather large and populous sometimes.

Prey, also unlike preds, usually tried to keep in contact with neighboring towns/villages/cities. This was one of the key factors for what made it possible for the shift to both sides living in harmony to happen. Since the prey lived in settlements and kept in contact with other prey settlements, it allowed for a certain development of culture as well as the sharing and recording of knowledge that preds… just didn’t have. Prey were able to develop things like farming and running water. They could study math and science and share their knowledge in libraries and schools. They were really on their way to becoming an advanced society, they just had one big (both figurative and literal) problem holding them back. They constantly had preds attacking and killing off their people.

Despite their efforts to fight them off, the prey just weren’t winning. So they decided, if a war against preds wasn’t going to get them anywhere, then why not make peace? The first step for this was the prey learning the preds’ language. This was… dangerous, of course. But it was done enough that the prey were able to open conversation with preds. Just this move alone caused a huge shift between both sides. What are you supposed to do when your food, which for centuries has only babbled nonsense at you before you swallowed it down, suddenly starts speaking to you like an equal? It certainly gave preds pause, but not enough to stop consuming. Not that the prey didn’t expect this. They approached the preds with more than just a common language. Their first big move was offering them food. And not just any food, but GOOD FOOD. Cooked food, decadent food, spiced foods, foods that preds didn’t have the resources (nor the patience) to prepare.

Sharing food took… probably a little more effort than one might expect. Prey and preds view food fundamentally different. To prey, it’s sustenance but also something to enjoy and connect with. To preds, it’s simply something to stop hunger. There was a sort of learning curve for preds to actually learn to ENJOY food for its flavor, but once they got it… OH BOY!!! A door was opened! Because despite LIKING prey food, the preds weren’t always so good at preparing it, so it gave the prey something they could exchange for safety. (This is also something that persists into modern times. Preds are still often stereotyped as not having very refined palates and not being very good at preparing food. This is referenced a little in Heart Pangs itself as well as the one-shot I posted last week!) Once the food trade became established, it opened up relations enough to exchange other things!

The prey shared would they could with the preds in exchange for their own survival. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. Sometimes it SEEMED to work but then the preds turned on them and things went downhill very quickly. But the prey had the advantage of sheer numbers and determination on their side (that and if they didn’t keep pushing they would literally be eaten alive). It took generations of negotiations, but the preds and prey eventually came to a sort of truce, though consuming never stopped entirely.

The preds weren’t stupid, they saw the prey had a lot of good stuff to offer them. At first they took what they needed and went their separate ways, but as they gained more trust from the prey, the preds encroached more and more into their territories until both sides were more or less neighbors. There were some advantages to this. If both sides cooperated enough, they were able to make further advances as civilized societies. But there were also disadvantages… like the fact that the preds were always bigger and the prey were always making sure not to anger them so it became very easy for the preds to take whatever they wanted and leave the prey with less than they deserved.

The prey even began to lose their own language as most of the preds couldn’t be bothered to learn the prey’s language (although a lot of prey terms for food and science stuck around). The preds stopped being the enemy who lived outside the prey’s walls and suddenly became the bully who lived next door. Yes, technically the prey were a little safer than before, but the advantages they once held over the preds were slipping away as the preds claimed more and more of what the prey had until the preds were able to start developing their OWN advantages.

For a long time, the preds and prey operated as two different societies that lived in one space, meaning each group had their own leaders and their own laws. But as things began getting more and more strained between each side (as they tend to do when two natural enemies live side-by-side), the prey (once more) tried to make peace. They made the bold move of reaching out to the pred leaders in an attempt to work together and function as a singular society (although both sides more or less continued to live as two societies, just under the rule of one government). The preds were surprisingly open to this change, which was a relief to the prey… at first. But then it became clear that this was mostly just a power grab for the preds to acquire more status and wealth and power amongst the prey.

Besides the fact that a lot of prey were falling into poverty because of this, the most glaring issue was that the “unification” had made it even easier for a lot of preds to break the peace and consume prey with barely any consequences. This caused a lot of prey to flee and seek out safer, more remote places to live. Eventually it got to the point where the prey leaders threatened to break away from pred society completely. The preds didn’t like this, though, as they’d gotten very used to having prey within easy reach. They also knew that losing half the people in their society would cause a lot of problems in terms of keeping everything running smoothly. However, the preds very much did not want to give up consuming entirely. It was in their nature after all, they argued.

So after A LOT of negotiations, both sides came to a compromise. The preds would actually start enforcing consuming as something illegal UNLESS the prey being consumed had agreed to it beforehand. Obviously the prey leaders couldn’t see any prey ever AGREEING to being consumed, so they settled on the compromise thinking that was the end of it. This was the true beginning of the “harmony” between preds and prey, but of course, the preds always have something up their sleeves.

Rich preds began offering up money and food and shelter to all those desperate prey in poverty. Those prey could get everything they could ever want for, the only payment was their lives ending in said pred’s gut (after a specified amount of time). These ventures started slow, but once they started to catch on, BOY DID THEY CATCH ON. The desperate prey began hearing about certain preds who were practically giving away wealth, all it took was a signature written in (figurative) blood. Meanwhile preds began hearing about other preds who had found a loophole in the consuming law and wanted in on the action. Like any good entrepreneur, the preds turned their contracts into a business and started selling them to other preds.

The prey leaders, of course, despised this, but what could they do? It all aligned with the compromise they had made. The only thing they could do was stand by and help come up with regulations for this new practice. So they did. Over the decades, the contracting businesses grew to what they are today (large corporate monsters… although the smaller, more private contracts still exist) as well as became the core to keeping the peace. Even the government itself offers contracting services now.

Society has shifted considerably in the years since harmony was reached. The two sides have mostly learned to live with each other. Prey have fought viciously to be treated as equals while a lot of preds go their whole lives without consuming (particularly fatally) even once. And, as you know, the development of neutralizers allowed preds to experience consuming without having to hurt anyone. A lot of progress has been made, but a lot of progress still needs to happen.

And I think that pretty much catches us up to the setting of Heart Pangs (whew)! I keep thinking it would be really cool to write a story that takes places in an earlier time period to further explore how different the relations between preds and prey would be, but I have yet to come up with a plot haha. Maybe someday. I’m sure an idea will come to me at a proper time. Anydays, thank you for your interest! It was really nice to be able to (finally) type all this up somewhere!!

#ahhh this is so much info!!!#but i hope some people are interested in it!!#if i accidentally raised more questions than answered them feel free to ask tho 😂#asks #heart pangs #heart pangs worldbuilding

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alatismeni-theitsa · 3 years

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Do you have any sort of, words of encouragement, for a Greek-American who is struggling to learn Greek? My family is pretty connected to our heritage but I was never taught to speak Greek. I am an adult now, and I know I'm at an incredible disadvantage trying to learn a new language. The most discouraging thing is when I try to pronounce a word with a sound that isn't really in English (like γ) and I KNOW I am not saying it right, but no matter how hard I try I can't pronounce it correctly.

Hello! I'm very sorry for delaying this answer for some days, but as we see here, Zeus was fucked this week 😅

I will pin my answer so you can see it when you return, and the rest will be under the cut.

I believe there are MANY reasons for hope in this situation. Of course it feels very discouraging that you don't know the language already and you might feel left behind in this process. Plus, learning a new language is not an easy thing to learn. But worry not!

You are grown, and that means you can learn a language better and with more consistency and discipline. Have trust in your skills as an adult. What is more, you have grown up around Greek speakers and you will pick up certain things faster.

You are not alone in feeling this way. Most of the world has to learn a second language (and a third, as it's usual for many) and that would be the language most dominant in the wider area. Almost every person in the West who is not an English speaker has to learn English and learn it well, otherwise we feel embarrassed every time we try and form a sentence. For example, we apologize to each other about our accents in English German and French, even though we speak Greek.

Surely there are some differences between your situation and ours, but I mentioned this to show you that most people will be very understanding with accents because they have the same struggle. I mean, I'm not going to make fun of someone for having an accent in Greek when I sound like a demented chicken in German, despite taking years of lessons 😵 I have more confidence in my English but even now that I'm writing to you in this language I have to quadruple-check my sentences and phrasing. The amount of times I apologized in advance for my accent to English speakers is higher than my credit.

I relayed your situation to other Greek speakers and non-English speakers, and ALL agreed the accent is not anything they would pay attention to and told me to write you that you shouldn't feel bad about that. I did that because I knew they would have words of encouragement for you. And it turns out they believe exactly what I'm writing in this answer.

Accents are natural. You cannot expect not to have an accent when you have been speaking a different language all your life. Beating yourself up for having difficulty with the Greek pronunciation is like beating yourself up for something normal like walking or laughing when hearing something funny. You lack practice with the pronunciation due to circumstances beyond your control. You are doing what you can to change that, and every small win is worth celebrating!

I found this post the other day:

The notes? The likes?

And NO disagreements in the comments and reblogs for OP’s statement! Look how many thousands are supportive in this! (And that’s a small fraction of people who understand accents are natural.) And some of the responses:

Sure, some mention they have met native speakers who made it more difficult to feel comfortable with their accent and phrasing. But those people are assholes in general, and not the people you want to surround yourself with. If a relative expresses disgust about your accent remind them you didn’t have any control of how much and how well you were taught Greek when you were a kid, and then tell them that if they are a true friend and relative to you, they should support you in your journey. And even if you had some control and chose not to learn, you are learning now. So they should leave their resentment behind because, honestly, what do they have to lose from you learning the language better??

For the embarrassment you feel for yourself: you wouldn't make fun of a Greek for having trouble with the “r”, "s", “ch”, and possibly the "h" when speaking English, so extend that kindness to yourself when you speak Greek. Not to mention that with enough practice and time you can nail the accent!

Worst case scenario, if the accent never leaves, that's no problem whatsoever. Anyone who thinks badly of you for your accent is probably a PoS and they don't deserve your time. No matter where you are from, if they make you feel bad for having an accent in Greek, block them from your mind forever.

But chances are that (from experience) if anyone laughs with how you said something, I guarantee they are not laughing at you but because of how strange the sound or phrasing was. The person doesn't think badly of you because of this. Making mistakes of any kind when learning a language is very natural and it's something everyone must accept. If you are not willing to make mistakes and expose your language vulnerabilities to people who know the language better, might as well not try improving at all.

If anyone corrects you, they are not doing it out of pity. The majority of Greeks do it because they are very happy you speak the language and want you to be even more fluent. Like, they are doing it as an act of backing you up, they are feeling like they are giving you that extra XP to reach the next level! Others - like me - get that rush of happiness when they get to share their language with others 😁

I remember a guy on Tiktok who was learning Greek and ordered a coffee "without sugar" in a Greek cafe but instead of saying σκέτο ("without") he said σκατά ("shit"). I mean damn that was funny! I remember it weeks after I saw the video of him telling that story and it always cracks me up. Do I still appreciate him the same as before and follow him? Absolutely! He just had an unfortunate - and funny - incident, not something that lessened his integrity as a person.

From tiktok again: An American girl wanted to pronounce γύρος correctly when ordering it, and she was mumbling to herself on camera: “yeero, yeero, yeero!!” When her time to order came she shouted “May I have a gairow? FUUUUCKK FUUCK FUCK I SAID IT WRONG” 🤣

Another example is Athena from the Bachelor 2! She has given some gems throughout the show because she doesn't know the language that well, but everyone still loves her because she spreads positivity and is so cute!! If we, as viewers, disliked her it would be because of her character, not because she doesn't know the language well. And if some of the other girls in the show don’t take her seriously is because she laughs too much and mentions feta too often, not due to her Greek level of literacy. Athena, even when she is hurting someone else’s feelings, is always so genuine and you just can’t be mad at her!

I really can’t stretch enough how people laugh at the mishap, not the person! Please don’t feel discouraged if you ever see a Greek laughing with the pronunciation of an English speaker when it comes to Greek words (which I have done as well) because we never laugh at the speakers. We don’t even know them! We might laugh at one mistake but then instantly want to become this individual’s friends because we think they are amazing (see the three examples I mentioned above, the sugar guy, the gyro girl and Athena). Because that’s the normal thing to do; laugh at fun stuff and not judge people for their small mishaps. (In a casual setting, and not to an uncomfortable degree ofc!)

There are so many things to a person other than their accent and the accent becomes old news really fast. What remains is how the presence of a person makes you feel and if they are a good individual. If an English speaking friend says yatakai instead of γατάκι that opens the way for sooo many jokes! Greeks will laugh, do some YATAKAAIIII screams - ninja style, and then continue being friends with that person!

Greeks makes these mistakes as well... A Greek once said "arrive arrive" (φτάνει φτάνει) instead of "enough" when an English speaker was filling his glass. A Lower English degree caught fire that day 🤣 I have many bad examples of Greeks’ mistakes in English but I can’t remember a lot. But I’ve seen many videos of Greeks mocking themselves for how they sound in English. You can take a look at Tsipras’ (our former prime minister) mistakes on youtube if you are feeling brave 😂 (Ο Τσίπρας μιλάει Αγγλικά)

So, own your possible mistakes, laugh at them and move on because everyone makes them and we better have some good while we are struggling!

(( For the record, we are not making fun of Tsipras because of his accent, but because 1) he doesn’t know γρι English and yet he rarely brought a translator with him in international meetings with world leaders, 2) he could absolutely not hold a conversation with negotiating or discussing 3) he didn’t take steps to improve or fix the situation (like bring a translator). 4) Instead, he chose to torment us all with mind-numbing hours of reading English texts and making other world leaders struggle to explain to him what they meant for the nth time and meetings move at a snail pace.))

Alright, now that I cringed with the memory of Tsipras speaking English, I’ll go though the recommendations for improving the Greek pronunciation.

1) Go to my resources for learning Greek (#learn greek) where I have many videos where you can hear the sounds individually or withing other words very clearly. Easy Greek on youtube has excellent videos about pronunciation!

2) Seek practice as much as possible. Some Greeks switch to English when they hear an English accent to make the conversation smoother for the other person. If Greek speakers insist on talking with you in English tell them that you would wish to speak in Greek. I've seen that people often mirror the accent of the native speaker when they speak to one, so this might work for you as well with hours of practice. If no Greek speakers are available to you now, you can find Greek Americans online – or go to their festivals – and start talking to them.

3) Listen to Greek podcasts, songs and shows. (In my blog you’ll find them at #greek youtuber #podcast #greek tv #greek movie #short film #greek music). You know when you hear a catchy foreign song and then it’s stuck in your head and you say all the words perfectly without even knowing what it means? Well, this helps with pronunciation!

4) If you had Spanish in school or have Spanish friends mimicking the Spanish accent might help you. (Our accents are extremely close! The Spanish are the best at Greek pronunciation, and vice versa!)

5) Find sounds in your native language that sound close to the sounds you want to say in Greek. In German lessons I had trouble with “ch” in certain words because I made it sound like χ and it was horrible. My Greek teacher told me to remember how χ sounds in χήνα (it sounds a bit flatter) and make that sound when I encountered “ch”. It worked actually!

To people who have English as their native language I often suggest they remember the sound of w for γ because, although not used the same in the word, at times they have the same intensity. Γ is pronounced more “to the front” of the mouth, so if you can bring that sound forward in your mouth you’ll be very close, if not accurate, to γ. (But don’t bring it too much forward, sometimes it can sound like a “y”, unless you are saying a word where γ sounds like “y”).

Greeks pronounce σ more closely to “sh” than to “s”, so you also might want to keep that in mind since σ often distinguishes the Greek accent in English for me :p

That’s all! If you have more questions or want to tell me anything else about your experience with learning Greek, feel free to send another ask or a DM!

#answered #learn greek #pronunciation #encouragement

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spaceshipkat · 3 years

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hi, so. since i've become very attached to the anti sjm community over these past months, i wanted to tell my story (and sorry in advance for my english it's not my mother language) and say some opinions. first of all, her stans piss me the fuck off; i'm usually very patient, and hating random people on internet is not on my to-do list but what the fuck is wrong with them lmao. second, i first read acotar and then tog, when i was like 14 years old, and while the first book of acotar didn't look very off to me at first i did get a bad vibe the second that prick rhysand made his first appearance. like fuck that guy, he was gross as hell and even if at my 14 i was a fool and knew very little of any type of abuse, after the end of acotar and already knowing sjmess was going to make feyre and the prick get together i hated it. i finished the trilogy because i hate when my bookshelf looks empty but now i want to burn the books🤡 third, i also knew very little of themes like colonization, slavery, abuse apologism and all that stuff sjm blatantly puts on her books and knows shit about or does not know how to handle them, so i genuinely got mad as fuck after reading all the shit she did in her next acotar and tog books. specifically koa tho, the book was shit and what is her deal with white cishet couples, they gross me out. she does not know how to create any couple chemistry without putting unnecessary sexual undertones and ew, really. (psa: sorry abt my excesive swearing lol.) and fourth, and this might sound cheesy but whatever, i'm very grateful i found the anti sjm community. like, for real. she has a whole list of shitty things she's done on her books and her fucking stans make a blind eye to it and it pisses me off and i want to punch something and how the hell was i so blind back then. i don't know what to do with my books right now because they're still in my shelf and i hate seeing them but i don't want to recommend them nor burn them (i don't have the heart to do so) but oh well i'll suffer either way. so, thank you for hearing me rambling. i love this community. and i hope more decent people unites because sjm really needs to get her shit together. thank u for your time 💜

hey! i love hearing the stories of how/why people became antis, so thank you for sharing! and your English is great 😊 (also, i swear a lot, too, so you’re in good company 😌) you’ve articulated everything perfectly, and i agree on your points! and the thing with wondering how you could have missed everything she wrote when you were younger is bc reading critically is a learned thing you need to actively and consciously work on (especially if someone is cishet and white and in the upper middle class). i still slip-up (i was raised cishet and i’m white), but i also can see the moment i slip-up so i can learn from those moments, and that’s what’s important. stans have a very closed-minded attitude about books and critique, hence why they call what we do “hating on” sj///m or why they fling bullshit “you’re being misogynistic bc you’re critiquing sj///m, who is a woman!” arguments. i was looking through the ac0sf tags earlier today to see if anyone had recapped the insta live chat sj///m did with her husband and a book blogger yesterday, and just seeing the sheer amount of shit that still exists was exhausting, but it also makes clear that our community is still important.

anyway, i’m so glad you found your way here and that you’re enjoying your stay!

(it’s not mine/i don’t know the source, but i just love this gif, alas)

#ask #colorfulroadpartypsychic #anti sjm #stans being stans

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yehet-me-up · 3 years

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*busts through the door like I'm the Kool-Aid man* BONJOUR FUCKERS I'M BACK!!! It is I, the Theatrical Gay Anon™! I hope you're ready to endure my endless babbling for a bit cuz I've got lots to say holy shit. Consider this part 1 of like, 1000 cuz I think Tumblr got rid of the submissions feature. I apologize in advance for the spam hehe.

Okay, with that out of the way. Ms. Yehet-Me-Up, may I call you Sarah? Sarah, what the fuck!? I can't even rn. I I give you a simple suggestion, no expectations behind it. I say "Hey, don't you think it'd be cool if Zitao was in the Exodus Mall universe?" to which you said "Yeah, that'd be neat, I might do that. Perhaps make him work at an Irish pub or something" and then I flip out with gratitude and excitement thinking you're gonna do like, a DRABBLE. 500 words at MOST -Theatrical Gay Anon

Imagine my SHOCK, my STUPEFACTION, upon realizing that you wrote OVER TEN THOUSAND WORDS about Huang Zitao aka the wind beneath my wings, the rain to my drought, the corny joke to my Junmyeon. And not only that! But you did this A MONTH AGO. I could've been reading this for so long and I had no idea! How foolish am I? I can't believe you wrote all of this based off of a silly little suggestion I made. I feel like bowing over how not worthy I am Wayne's World style -Theatrical Gay Anon

NOW IN REGARDS TO THE CONTENT OF THIS MASTERPIECE OH MY GOD WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN!? I am floored by your preeminence. First things first, the title? Perfect. Full disclosure, I suck at titles. I've been writing for over a decade now and I'm still shit with titles. It's so hard to come up with just a few words to encapsulate everything you wrote but you do it SO WELL. The moodboard? Amazing. I've always loved that picture of Zitao and it fits so well with the pub setting -Theatrical Gay Anon

I'm afraid you've written "Fractions of Tomorrow" so well that I don't see there being a need for anyone to write anything else...ever. Stories? CANCELED. Poetry? CANCELED. Biographies? CANCELED. It's all over folks. Sarah has written The Best Thing Ever. We've peaked as a society. After I finish writing these asks I'm gonna become a hermit in the woods and make friends with all of the woodland creatures that inhabit it. -Theatrical Gay Anon

But seriously though, I love absolutely everything about this story. As a Zitao fan, I'm used to getting breadcrumbs. Not a lot of ppl write fics about him. I can count on one hand how many long fics of his you can find on Tumblr. But THIS?? This was no breadcrumb, this was a whole fucking bakery. And it all appeals to me so much oh my god? The sappiness of it all, the flowery prose, the rebellious rejection of cynicism, it's all so beautiful I want to marry it. -Theatrical Gay Anon

If I discussed all of the sentences in this fic that made me giggle with joy and kick my feet around I'd be here all day so keep in mind this is just a FRACTION of the ones I loved but I couldn't go without mentioning at least some of them so here we go. "It’s not his first time here, but it’s his first time paying attention" SHUT UP this line is go good it's so simple yet so nuanced I adore it. Seriously, why hasn't anyone hired you to write a screenplay? -Theatrical Gay Anon

"He wonders if you ironed the collar of your shirt to be that precise or if you simply move through the world without acquiring any wrinkles" God, this line is so CUTE it's DISGUSTING he's fond of the reader's un-wrinkled clothes that's such a specific thing to like and is totally the type of thing I've done with the ppl I've crushed on throughout my life. -Theatrical Gay Anon

"‘Zitao,’ he says finally. ‘Cute.’ You say" this is such a little thing but I love that you included his full name in this. I love his full name so much it sounds really pretty. Whenever I hear him refer to himself as "Huang Zitao" in interviews my heart soars. Hearing him speak Mandarin in general is a delight as well. It's an audibly gorgeous language and any racist who says otherwise can EAT MY ENTIRE ASS -Theatrical Gay Anon

"For someone who’s been in love for as long as you can remember she fights awfully hard against Baekhyun’s romantic nature" DEAR GOD I LOVE THESE TWO! I love these movie loving lovesick fools. I love that everyone in the world knows they love each other except them. I love seeing bits and pieces of their story throughout this written universe. I can't wait to see it all come together in Baekhyun's Exodus Mall fic. It's gonna be GLORIOUS -Theatrical Gay Anon

Also! I know you enjoyed my song recs that I thought fit perfectly with All Our Broken Places so here are some for when the Baek x Hitchcock fic drops. I know it's not done yet but I just *know* what it's gonna be like I can feel it in my bones. "Sidekick" by Walk the Moon and "Tongue Tied" by Grouplove. As for Fractions of Tomorrow I knew right away what songs I'd pick. "Dreams" by The Cranberries, "Jumpstarted" by Jukebox the Ghost and "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey -Theatrical Gay Anon

Gosh, this fic filled me with so much energy and joy I feel like a toddler on caffeine. But I really should sleep now though. It's gotten so late that I can see the sunrise peaking up sdksdksl. I'll see ya soon! I will be spamming you with more compliments about this fic once I wake up though! - Theatrical Gay Anon

Hi! I'm back. Okay, now where was I? Oh yeah, I was talking about some of my favorite lines from the story. "‘Hey man, how’s it going?’ Baekhyun reaches out and does a complex handshake with the man before you. ‘Oh, you know. Just working at the salt mines,’ Tao says with a laugh." I LOVE that you made Baek the one Zitao was close with. I miss the beef brothers so much. I'll never forgive SM for what they did to OT12. They were all such good friends 😔 -Theatrical Gay Anon

"‘I’m not sure.’ For a flash Tao’s eyes linger on you once more. ‘I think it would depend on the person.’ And then the bastard goes and winks at you." GOD, HE WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS! HE'S SUCH A SHAMELESS FLIRT I HATE HIM *narrator voice* This was of course a huge a lie, he in fact loved Zitao immensely -Theatrical Gay Anon

"‘Sweetheart, I’m everyone’s type.’" You've captured Zitao's unlimited confidence so well and that makes me really happy. It's one of my favorite things about him. The man truly loves himself and I think that's awesome -Theatrical Gay Anon

"Tao looks at you through his lashes, bending close enough that you can feel his breath on your lips when he speaks. ‘Words are just the appetizer, darling. I prefer to have an entire feast.’ 'Any other questions or can I grab your orders?’" ASDKDSDSL SO YOU'RE JUST GONNA SAY THAT PANTY DROPPER LINE AND GO BACK TO BUSINESS AS USUAL ZITAO???? HUH??? IS THAT WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO??? -Theatrical Gay Anon

"‘Oh, nothing.’ He looks like the cat that caught the canary. ‘I just love being right.’" Something I love about EXO fic writers (myself included lol) is that despite all of the different ways they'll write the other members, there is one member who is always written the same and that's Baekhyun. He will always be written as a cheeky little shit cuz he *is* a cheeky little shit. That's just who he is. Messing with ppl is a favorite past time of his. -Theatrical Gay Anon

"'So, love, huh? There’s not some girlfriend or boyfriend of yours waiting for you at home?’" Thank you for not being heteronormative with the "are you dating someone?" convo. I know it might not seem like much but I really appreciate it. -Theatrical Gay Anon

"The beginning of love is always a lightning bolt. If that’s all it ever is you never have to deal with being knocked on your ass by the resulting thunderstorm" OOF, this one got me. So very true. The beginning of love is so scary! -Theatrical Gay Anon

"I could argue that anarchy still is love. Love of your beliefs and love of a person or a place or a thing so much that you’re willing to fight for it" OKAY BUT PASSIONATE LEATHER JACKET WEARING ANARCHIST ZITAO IN A ROCK BAND IS SUCH AN ATTRACTIVE CONCEPT!!! There's nothing sexier than a bad boi that will hate capitalism with you! He'd probably be the one to give ppl rides to protests and stuff I LOVE IT -Theatrical Gay Anon

"If we say love is a feeling, who’s to say that we aren’t in love? If we decide it’s an action then which one is it? A kiss or a commitment or - maybe it’s nothing more complicated than putting words to the way I feel when you look at me?" Listen I don't mean to be dramatic or anything (wait, who am I kidding? I'm literally the Theatrical Gay Anon being dramatic is like my Thing) but if a guy ever said that to me my trans boi pussy would be open for business IMMEDIATELY

Alright, so, uh Final Thoughts. This may be my new favorite work of yours, and no it's not just cuz it's got my ultimate bias in it lmao. This year has been so shitty and it's made my depression + anxiety reach the highest possible levels but reading this, this love story filled with hope and certainty despite not knowing what the future will hold for them, made this year seem easier to cope with. Thank you so much for making this, it means the world to me. -Theatrical Gay Anon

ALRIGHT, LAST ASK AND THEN I'LL SHUT UP I PROMISE but I personally headcanon that Double Shot + Zitao stayed together till the very end. They didn't get married cuz they hate formalities but they got matching tattoos and even when they're old and grey you can still them clear as day on their wrists. When they're asked how they met no one believes their answer lol. And when Double Shot died of old age before Zitao he would sing her favorite song by her grave every Saturday -Theatrical Gay Anon

OKAY SO I know I said I was done and I know I've already sent in like, 30 bajillion asks but I'm curious does Yifan or Luhan also work at the Irish pub?? Or do they work somewhere else in the mall? Inquiring minds want to know -Theatrical Gay Anon

When I tell you this made my entire month (when you sent it weeks ago, I’ve been hanging onto these because they seriously bring me SO much joy holy crap) I am not remotely kidding j;oaisjdflkasdjfa

I am absolutely going to put on these song recs while I work on the next chapter!

a;osdfjlaksdfjasl the fact that you stayed up late to read this warms my heart so much. It reminds me of all the times I stayed up til the ass crack of dawn reading fanfics because I simply could NOT stop reading, so the fact that you enjoyed this like that makes me helllllaaaa emo 🥰

I just??? 2020 was indeed such a long year and affected my energy and creativity and honestly don’t really remember writing this hahaha. I kind of go into a fugue state with these longer fics and they just EMERGE. So to see you reflecting back some of what I wrote allows me to enjoy the process so much more. Makes writing and tumblr fun and I seriously wish everyone writing and creating could have someone as passionate and thoughtful and hilarious as you hyping them up 🌟 it honestly feels like a GIFT and I will absolutely keep writing this series and hoping to be worthy of it 😘

We will definitely get to see more of these two in the finale fic! I got into EXO after Tao, Yifan, and Luhan left so I’m not quite as familar with their personalities, but I could definitely see Yifan working at the US Bank haha. Business suit by day and partying/flirting by night. As for Luhan I feel like he’d work somewhere like the bookstore or the music store?? somewhere quieter and more contemplative.

Thank you again for sending this and for being you <3 I hope 2021 is a wonderful year for you and that you know how AMAZING you are 💖💖💖💖💖

#asks #theatrical gay anon

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mimzy-writing-online · 4 years

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I hope this question isn't too stupid, but you're one of my favorite writing blogs so I'll give it a shot. I want to write a FanFic based on the 1971 version of Willy Wonka. I wanted the story to tell Violet Beauregarde's story, the one that turns into a blueberry. However, I have SOME questions as I'm fairly new to FanFic. 1). Am I better off focusing on each kid's perspective, going back and forth? Or is it good to narrow my focus one one character? 2). Can I give them a character arch, li

(2/3) like Violet's really mean in school but she becomes kind after her experience at the factory. Is that too cliche or predictable? 3). Why does she try waddling away after her blueberry transformation and the Oompa Loompas are singing/dancing around her? They're trying to help her, and I don't really get why she'd do something like that. 4). What are tips to better understand the characters I want to flesh out? I guess it circles back to the last question, understanding their psyche. Yikes

(3/3) Yikes! Super sorry this ask is long. And I'm even more sorry if my questions were lame or you've covered them before. :P. I can overthink at times, ESPECIALLY when it comes to my writing. I'm such a perfectionist storyteller, it's not even funny. I hope my questions aren't bothering you. You're one of my favorite writing blogs, so I figured I could come to you. I apologize in advance for wasting your time. You DO NOT have to reply at all if you don't want to. :P Thanks, have a great week

First and foremost: this is not a stupid question, you are not wasting my time at all. This is actually a rare treat for my blog because I don’t get many asks that don’t involve blindness, though I usually know better how to answer those than I do other questions. So, here we go:

Are you better off focusing on each kid’s perspective, going back and forth? Or is it better to narrow your focus onto one character?

The general rule of writing is to simplify. If two background characters serve a similar purpose, just combine the characters, for example. Slimming down extra scenes that don’t contribute to plot or character development.

However, that advice is meant for people publishing novels, working within an overflowing industry, dependant on sales and royalties. They have to meet whatever industry standards are, like word count or POV types. They have to find someone willing to take them on as a client because they love that book.

Fanfiction is not bound by such nonsense. Fanfiction is a beautifully lawless land where capitalism cannot influence it. What defines what you do with fanfiction is if you enjoy reading it, and if you have the steam to continue a long project.

Some people easily write 200,000k fics within a matter of weeks or months (or in my case, just once, two years). Some people work best with short fics. Both (and everything in between) are wonderful.

So, how much steam do you have for this project? How long do you think you can carry it and still finish it? Because that defines how big you should plan to make this project. If you don’t think you can write a long fic, then maybe just stick to one character.

A compromise between the two is to focus primarily on one character, and examine the other characters more briefly. This could be done in just a single POV chapter, or a handful. This could be done with the characters connecting and seeing the side character through your main character’s eyes, seeing how they’ve changed.

There’s no wrong answer. This fic is for your enjoyment primarily. No matter what you write, it will appeal to at least a few people, if not crowds. But your fun comes first, both literally and figuratively. Write for you, write to explore the story for yourself.

Can you give them a character arc like Violet’s where she becomes kinder after her experiences in the factory? Is that too cliche or predictable?

I wouldn’t call it predictable, because I’d expect everyone to go into completely different directions because they were all such unique and individual people before they entered the factory, and they were foiled by their own quirks.

Violet was mean and fake, she was demanding. I don’t know how much I want to speculate on the plotline you have going for her, how you’ll develop her to make her want to be more kind.

But I would love to speculate on the others.

Agustus Gloop?

I feel like his experience in the chocolate river and almost drowning would make it hard to enjoy chocolate ever again. I think it would be a long time before he had any sweets. Also, because of his weight, I imagine there’s got to be some body-image issues hiding under the surface. I’d also put money on him being bullied, and him acting out against the students who bully him and because of his size he is more intimidating, but that doesn’t stop people from saying things behind his back.

I imagine the chocolate thing is a form of self-comfort. Maybe he turns to other foods to over-eat with to cope. Maybe eventually he figures out that this isn’t helping him. Does he try to replace unhealthy foods with healthier ones? (idk, I have a personal turn off on getting into the concept of dieting, so I’m not going to dig in much there).

I’d like to see him learn to love himself, develop some body neutrality, that his body doesn’t define who he is or what his worth is. That he becomes okay with who he is as he grows up. People who are happy and comfortable with themselves are generally nicer and easier going than people who aren’t. Maybe with some self-love, he’ll be kinder to others.

Veruca Salt?

Okay, I have a confession. My brain thought of her when discussing Violet. I haven’t seen either of the films in years.

Well, let’s thank Wikipedia everyone, the greatest gift of the internet.

Veruca does come across as a spoiled brat. Her parents shower her in material objects, which might mean something. I have a close friend who hates people buying things for him or giving him gifts that cost money. This has to do with a parent buying him things out of guilt after episodes of emotional abuse. I asked him a while back what he wanted for his birthday (I meant baked goods, I bake or cook special meals as birthday gifts for my friends. A has asked for chocolate chip cookies for three birthdays in a row now. Several friends ask for cookies for Christmas). Anyway, my friend had a panic attack and couldn’t respond until an hour later.

Maybe there’s something to that.

What does she think about money as she grows up? Does her love language continue to be gifts? I think it might one day be quality time. Maybe it is now. It’s common for rich parents to be absent and barely spend time with their kids because of work and extravagant social lives that sort of money gives them access to, meaning they barely have time in the day to spend with their kids. Maybe gifts are the only way she can make sure her parents still care, the only way she can get their attention?

Mike Teavee?

Apparently in the movie credits his last name is spelled Teevee. But I’m obsessed with tea (and this is the point where I remember my tea and wonder if I’ve let it go cold because I got too focused. Nope, it’s still there). So it’s Teavee here.

Wikipedia describes him as a young boy who only watches TV, nothing but TV. He’s especially interested in cowboys and Western films. He comes across as a know-it-all. He’s easily annoyed but gets along with others.

Anyone have a guess at where I’m going with this?

Mike is neurodivergent. I mean, that’s my new headcanon. I lean towards ADHD because that’s what I project, but like everything else, his interpretation is in the eye of the beholder. Every viewer sees something different in him.

Some common ADHD (and autism) experiences beyond having a specific interest is how others react to your special interest. You get used to people getting bored when you talk about your interest for the thousandth time, but it’s still important to you, but not to someone whose opinion matters to you. RSD is probably common.

Wikipedia says he’s described as lazy in the books? Common ADHD “symptom,” or rather something that outside viewers label as laziness. Really, he just doesn’t have the motivation to do any of those other things.

And Charlie?

Did anyone think I wouldn’t have any thoughts on Charlie, our hero and protagonist?

Oh no, I have thoughts. Charlie goes to great lengths to set his family up comfortably, he becomes generous with his money. He also knows nothing about running a factory. I’m hoping Willy Wonka gives him some help there. But I bet adult Charlie is a stressed-out workaholic who tries to do everything and thinks he has something to prove, that he’s not just some random lucky child, that he can do this. Charlie totally gets a work-related anxiety disorder.

Those are my thoughts. I still think giving them Violet’s arc isn’t cliche or predictable, but rather completely different from what you think would happen to all those kids.

I mean, maybe a few of them are still little jerks in their adult lives. There’s no one road to grow up on, even if you’re four strangers who shared a similar traumatic experience.

Why does she try waddling away after her blueberry transformation and the Oompa Loompas are singing/dancing around her? They're trying to help her, and I don't really get why she'd do something like that.

They strange looking short men she’s literally never talked to, never seen or heard of before today, who’s already taken away two children by this point, all while singing a song about what terrible children they were.

And she’s scared because her body is doing something strange and scary and awful. She’s scared. She doesn’t know what to do. What will happen if these strange men take her away? She doesn’t know what happened to the other kids.

And they’re not really communicating they want to help, just singing cheerfully about how awful children are.

What are tips to better understand the characters I want to flesh out? I guess it circles back to the last question, understanding their psyche.

A lot of it is just watching real-life people and wondering why they are the way they are. Listening to their reasoning and what they tell you about who they are and where they come from.

I know people who grew up like Agustus with using over-eating as a way to self-comfort, and the bullying they experienced. I know that if a kid was physically bigger than his bullies, maybe he’d fight them to make them stop and leave him alone. People who go through that journey of learning that their body doesn’t define who they are, accepting it because it is theirs and it takes care of them.

(Which reminds me of a post I like that pops around here and there, that positive body image should be about more than how “sexy” your curves make you look. A person shouldn’t have to be sexy to be treated like a person. A person shouldn’t have to be sexy at all if they don’t want to, especially not all the time, and especially not a child. And there are a lot of obese children in the world who don’t have any positive body image messages designed for them)

I learned what my friend’s love languages are and why they have them and what they mean. Which is why I have that theory for Veruca.

Mike is just self-projection and listening to other neurodivergent people when they describe their life experiences or listening to their theories when they say a character is neurodivergent too.

I won’t lie, my theory on Charlie is based entirely on the Avatar: the Last Airbender fandom’s common head-canon that Zuko becomes a workaholic after he becomes Firelord. There might be some canon material in the comics that supports that, but I’ve never seen it. I think Zuko and Charlie have a similar vibe and that those three years Zuko struggled, and Charlie’s entire life before the factory make them both feel like they need to be perfect and do everything right to prove they deserve the job they’re given and that their backgrounds don’t define their worth.

Thank you so much for your ask anon!

And again, you are not a bother. I enjoyed digging into this movie I’d never thought in depth about until tonight. And you’re not alone, lots of writers are overthinkers and perfectionists. You are in good company. Our writing and fanfiction community welcomes and loves you <3

And thank you for your kind words! I’m so happy that you love my blog so much <3 It made my day to read that

Take care anon, and good luck in your writing :)

#writing advice #fanfiction #writeblr #anon #charlie and the chocolate factory #Anonymous

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autstudy · 7 years

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(App quit during first attempt at this ask, apologies if it's a repeat!) hey there! I'm so glad this blog exists. I'm an autistic graduate student and lately I've had a lot of trouble getting stuff done between anxiety and low energy. My therapist suggested the Pomodoro method but after trying it for a while, all that task-switching is SO hard and I hate breaking my momentum. Any other strategies you know of? Thanks!

Pomodoro wasn’t helpful to me at all! If followers don’t know, it’s a technique where you set 25 minute long work periods and after each one you take a break for 5 minutes. Typically it requires a timer or an alarm clock. I don’t like it for exact same reasons - it requires a lot of switching and breaks my concentration. I think for people with same executive dysfunction related problems it can also be more bad than good.

Here are some things that do help me get a lot of work done, especially when preparing for exams or doing assignments - they aren’t exactly strategies, more like tips and tricks:

1. Routine

When something is part of my routine, it is significantly easier to do. It doesn’t have to be very specific, just “every day from 11 to 16 I study”. If I do it several times in a row it becomes a habit pretty quickly and I don’t have to put as much effort into doing it, my brain just goes on autopilot. Of course it doesn’t fix everything but it is a good idea to keep a consistent schedule and create good studying habits.

2. Plan, plan, and plan again

I love making lists. I have a bullet journal, a to-do list app, a productivity app, and I also make smaller to-do lists on separate pages or sticky notes. I try to make them as detailed as possible, and do it in advance when I have good executive functioning days.

For example when I was revising for my invertebrate zoology exam, I had a study plan, a list of all topics we covered in lectures and classes, a list of things I didn’t understand and needed more practice with, and I also made small to-do lists for every day marking the points from other lists to work with in that study session (for example “topics 2.A to 2.F, problem points 4-5”). I find this very helpful because it gives me a clear idea of what to do for every step, from first day of revision to last.

3. Plan for time of work, not quality of work

It is always a great idea to remember about self-compassion, and accurately measure your productivity. To be compassionate to myself, I don’t set goals of “read chapters 7 and 8” - instead I write “read biology of plants book for an hour”. On some days I will actually read more than two chapters in that time, on some I will need much more time and won’t even finish chapter 7. If I plan study sessions according to time of work, at least I can see that I did everything I could today and didn’t procrastinate because I knew I can’t do it or rushed my work to reach the goal. It helps a lot.

4. Set yourself realistic long-term goals

I also try to work on being kinder to myself and lowering my expectations. Understanding your abilities and limitations can be a very long process if your brain is different from the majority of people. Plus my abilities and energy levels fluctuate slightly from day to day and I simply cannot know how many good days I will have in a week and how many bad days.

But goals are important because they motivate you and push you to work more, so I compromise. I set “minimum” goals for me and try to fight that “don’t half-ass things” notion. For example when studying I don’t set a goal of the maximum possible grade I could get. Instead I set a minimum - the lowest grade I will be satisfied with. It is realistic and I can work towards it, and if I get more than the minimum, great, but if I will only get the minimum, at least I reached my goal and was not disappointed.

5. Don’t be afraid to ask for help

Honestly I cannot stress this enough. At this point in my life I absolutely don’t give a damn so I ask for help always, even when technically I could do without it. If the person won’t be able to help me, okay, I can find other solutions, but if they can, why suffer?

From my experience teachers and university workers in general are eager to help if they see that the student is doing their best and wants to achieve more. In the first semester I was allowed to write tests in a different language, got a form of an exam changed to one that was easier for me and generally got a lot of help from my teachers. So sometimes you have to agree to be occasionally annoying and ask for help when it’s needed.

6. Trial and error

And this is perhaps the most important of all even though it sounds very obvious. But sometimes you just have to try everything until you find something that works - every single organization and productivity method, every study technique, every tip and trick you can find. Even those that sound ridiculous.

For example I know that I learn the best when I use as many different resources as possible - notes, books, YouTube videos, even Wikipedia - instead of learning by repetition. I have never seen that advice anywhere. I discovered it on my own. And now I know that autistic people typically do not learn by repetition, which explains it! But basically you have to try a lot of stuff before you find what works. —–I hope this helps! If you have any specific questions, feel free to ask.

#ask #actuallyautistic

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miss-fire-rose · 7 years

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alright so i apologize if this is random but i've been following you for a while and i've always noticed posts with the tag "for SCs" on them, especially since they're usually posts that i enjoy or are my aesthetic p much and from what i've gathered they're for a story? or a book? soooo i was wondering if you would want to like give a summary or smth? i'm a writer too, and obviously you don't have to if you don't want, but i'm curious ^-^

Omg bro (if u don’t mind me calling u that ;;0v0) u have made me giddy with excitement and felicity sending me this message :D

Those posts tagged with “for SCs” are indeed for a story idea I lumped into some shape during the summer. Altho creating a whole new universe and society rlly hurts my brain ;w; then school started so I didn’t have much time to sit down and mold the lump into a definite shape.

I hope u don’t mind me posting this ask publicly becuz other followers might also be curious about the “for SCs” tag. This will be under the cut cuz it might get very lengthy :0

I apologize in advance for making u read probably an essay length?? Idk we’ll see when I’m done.

The posts with “for SCs” are things that remind or give me inspiration for my story and its universe or characters. SC is short for Soul Creature, or Soultures as I also call them. This idea actually first took form from my attempt to write a story back in 2015 I believe tho I never got far with it and completely forgot about it till I revived it in summer of 2016 :p

Plot-wise, tbh I feel like it’s kinda cliched but I never thought too much on it as I focused more on building the universe and my characters. In this universe there are ppl who have something like a spirit animal that is made from their soul hence Soul Creatures (creative, huh). A SC is basically a piece of a person’s soul with a distinct consciousness of its own that could manifest into a physical form. There are endless kinds of animals so I chose four groups to categorize them in for a type of SC a person would have.

The four groups are the Canines, the Felines, the Avians, and the Reptiles (i didn’t use reptilians cuz when i looked it up i didn’t like what the immediate results were LOL). Now in each group, there are four animals, from the most to least powerful in politics and social status in each group:

Canines - Wolf, Fox, Coyote, Jackal

Felines - Tiger, Lion, Cheetah, Leopard

Avians - Owl, Eagle, Hawk, Raven (originally Vulture but I leaned more towards Raven)

Reptiles - Snake, Crocodile, Alligator, Lizard

These ppl with SCs also have magical powers altho I have yet to decide if they would do magic by wands, spells, charms, etc whatever (i still gotta do research). As the person has magic, when a SC manifests into their physical form, they don’t have the normal, physical bodies that mundane animals do. SCs don’t need to eat, drink, or sleep but some do for pleasure. They can still receive physical wounds but physical attacks fused with magic have more potency to harm than solely physical attacks do.

Now there is a fifth group and they are simply called the Ordinaries. They are regular ppl who do not have magic or a SC at all.

Becuz coming up with a new language is difficult, let alone new words, I came up with some terminology borrowing Latin words. For the Ordinaries, they are called Solitus (plural n. Solituses) and for those with SCs, they are Insolitus (plural n. Insolituses). I kid u not they are literally the Latin words for ordinary and extraordinary, respectively XD

Then there are the Ibridas and Half Breeds but we’ll get to them after I explain more about SCs.

I wrote a list of facts about SCs before and with me being a lazy ass, will just copy and paste them onto here. 0v0

1) Each person is born with a SC

2) A SC is a part of their soul materialized in the form of an animal

3) A SC can communicate with their person from the moment they are born - the person is able to see their SC in their mind though their SC cannot physically manifest yet

4) A SC and their person already have an unbreakable bond that they can feel though that does not mean they know everything about each other yet - which is why SCs can communicate with their person from the moment they are born

5) A SC and person can speak telepathically whether the SC is in physical form or not

6) The person can use their SC's animal form

7) The biological sex of a SC does not reflect the person’s own

8) The consciousness of both the person and SC can coexist in the animal form

9) Or the SC can be put into a type of slumber and the person has full control of the animal form

10) The SC cannot take control of the person's physical body

11) When the person is in control of their SC's animal form, their own body disappears in a flash of light and is condensed into a ball of energy that is absorbed into the SC's animal form until the person finishes using it

12) Physical contact is not needed for a person to transfer their consciousness into their SC's animal form

13) When a SC dies, their person will experience the manner in which their SC died, physically, mentally, emotionally - though they themselves will not die as the SC was only a piece of their soul and not the whole

14) When the person dies, their SC will die along with them unless a ST occurs - only those with great magical strength are capable of doing such a risk

15) A person will only have one SC their whole life but if one were to grow strong enough magically-wise, live long enough, or practice an act of taboo, they will be able to materialize more

16) SCs typically first materialize in physical form when their person is in great danger, they judge their person has grown strong enough, or when they feel like it

17) SCs are made from a part of their person's soul but they have their own distinct consciousness and personality

18) SCs can experience everything their person feels physically, emotionally, and mentally

19) A person is able to block off certain things that they would not want their SC to feel or know

20) As they have different consciousnesses, a person and SC cannot hear one another's direct thoughts unless they allow it themselves

21) When a person is born and as they grow, their SC may be already grown or they may also be juvenile and will age alongside their person

22) When an SC materializes the first time, their animal form may be mature or juvenile - it varies with each person, the person's own age does not affect the SC's physical maturity

23) SCs in their physical form are not the same as regular animals as they are also magical beings like their person

24) SCs can communicate with others, person or SC, when in their physical form though not telepathically - which can sometimes cause fright to people who are not aware they are in the presence of a SC and not a regular animal

25) SCs can travel around in their physical form without their person by their side - there is no limit as to how far they can go but their person will always know where they are no matter the distance, and vice versa

Coming up with the history of a new universe/civilization/society/whATEVER rlly hurts my brain but I’d like to state as a historical fact that centuries before, the four groups were at war over territory, wealth, etc blah blah and SCs were once merely treated as tools and weapons for war, disposable pawns in a game of chess. Only the second time writing this word but does Soulture not sound like soldier, hmmm? :)

However, things happened and changed and SCs were now treated equally and regarded as actual beings rather than mere weapons.

Now here come the Ibridas and Half Breeds.

Ibrida is Latin for Hybrid. An Ibrida is someone who has a mixed Insolitus parentage meaning their parents have different SCs. EX: The mother has a Fox SC while the Father has an Owl SC.

It is considered taboo by all for two ppl with different SCs to bare a child. Why? Becuz there are fallouts. SCs reside within their person’s mind when not physically formed and becuz I like to put angst and dark aspects in my stories, I made it so that Ibridas would have a life of suffering. When a person has a SC, they can see their SC in their mind’s eye moving around and whatnot. For an Ibrida, they will typically inherit both types of their parents’ SC so have two different animals occupy their mind. The two different animals will never get along so there is conflict within the person’s mind and soul. I chose the symptoms of rabies for Ibridas to display. Ibridas suffer with constant migraines and become aggressive and delirious. They end up going insane with the pain and become a threat to themselves and others.Their suffering usually drives them to take their own lives or have others take it.

Ibridas can be separated into two groups: with SCs and without SCs. Those with SCs are typically killed or locked up while those without are able to live a normal life. Like hybrid animals irl, Ibridas are infertile and cannot have biological children of their own. So it’s impossible for a person to have a SC from each of the four groups. (Or is it? >:O lol jk idk probs not) Sometimes an Ibrida will only inherit one type of SC but it is often believed the second one will later appear unexpectedly in their life.

Half Breeds are ppl with one parent that is a Solitus while the other is an Insolitus. They have a 50-50 chance of inheriting their Insolitus’s parent’s SC and magic or not. It’s an all or nothing kinda deal.

There are some ppl with both Insolitus parents and have a SC but are magicless. I don’t have a term for them yet but in Harry Potter I think magical-born wizards with no magic themselves are called squibs?

As for the characters I’ve created for this story, there are a few.

Waylin Bixente-Solinix -- Aged 17-19. He is the adoptive son of the Bixentes but no one knows that except for his adoptive parents and biological ones. Solinix is the surname of his biological parents. He has a male Wolf SC named Silas (i might change the name) A reserved person who prefers his own company.

Yuuta Blackburn -- Aged 17-19. He has a male Tiger SC named Hiro. A friendly, gentle person. Tol. Has a younger sister.

Minji Blackburn -- Aged 8. Has a male Tiger SC, name undecided. Very precocious and aware for her age. (She woke af loool)

Sova Featherance -- Aged 16-19. Has a female Owl SC named Hazel. She doesn’t like to talk so Hazel speaks for her. Apathetic and listless. More lively at night. Cousin to Kotori, their mothers are sisters, they each take after their fathers so they don’t look related.

Kotori Lovewood -- Aged 17-19. Has a male Owl SC, name undecided. A total fucken flirt. Interested and attracted to Renard. :^)

Renard Ruxfury -- Aged 17-19. Has a male Fox SC named Conroy. A Tsundere, man. Snobby lil shit at first. Actually caring but doesn’t explicitly show it. Unsure what to do with Kotori’s advances towards him LMAO poor bab

Noel Sinwell -- Aged 60s. Has a male Lion SC named Oswald. They are agender even as the author idk what their biological sex is since I never decided and will keep it that way. Very kind and wise.

Delilah Perfuga -- Aged 16-18. Has a male Snake, name undecided. A snake. That’s all I’ve got to say.

Adam -- ???? He is just a fetus in my mind. Haven’t thought anything else but his name loool

Oh boi, this took me a while to write and it’s late so I’m tired af. I feel like I might have missed some things whoops. There isn’t rlly a plot yet becuz I wanna set the foundation of their universe and society first. But I’ve like thought about parts of it in my mind.

oH nice to meet u by the way Im AJ. What’s ur name? :00

If u have any questions, aNYTHING, about this mess of mine don’t be afraid to ask. :’))

#woooobooiii im ready to sLEEEEP #i rlly wanna dive right into this story but i sTIILLL gotta figure out their government and how their society works and aahhh so much #i wanted to create a universe without religion but i kinda need one to explain some origins about the SCs #also im making it that their society isnt like ours in terms of patriarchy and heteronormativity and such #im so tired #asks #bowansparrow #for SCs #my ocs

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