#Emotional healing with sound

[hsmagazine254]

The Healing Power Of Sound (Part 4) - Positive Reflection Of The Week

Integrating Sound Healing Into Your Life Now that we’ve explored the origins, methods, and benefits of sound healing and sound therapy, let’s discuss how you can incorporate these practices into your daily life. 1. Sound Meditation Sound meditation involves immersing yourself in the healing sounds of instruments like singing bowls, gongs, or guided sound meditations. You can attend group sound…

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#Alia Datoo Alia Datoo #Alternative healing methods #Attention disorders and sound healing #Balance and harmony #Better sleep with sound therapy #Binaural beats #Calming effects of sound therapy #Chakra balancing with sound #Chanting for healing #Cognitive function and sound therapy #Complementary therapy #Crystal bowls #Crystal singing bowls #Deep relaxation techniques #Emotional healing with sound #Endorphin release #Energy vibrations #Enhancing sleep quality #Gong therapy #Gong therapy benefits #Gong therapy for emotional release #H&S Magazine #H&S Magazine Kenya #H&S Magazine&039;s positive reflection #Harmonizing the body and mind #Healing through sound vibrations #holistic well-being #Improved focus and concentration #Indigenous healing rituals #Inner peace and tranquillity

[skrunksthatwunk]

landing

#i'd recommend zooming in bc the changes between panels are pretty subtle. they'll be easier to see on the cropped versions but i wanted to #include the whole thing too because i think it looks nice like that :) #opening up to yukina as the final hopeful yet unresolved part of hiei's arc of learning to trust and love and be loved by others is like. #aughh. fascinating choice anyway here's a take on how it'd go. from me. a sap #smth smth hiei letting his vulnerability show via the thing that unites them (bloodline via the hiruseki stone) which is inherently tied #to emotion and letting his feelings about her and his past show to someone. grahh #yyh #yu yu hakusho #yukina #hiei #skrunkart #also due to the title and the organization of this comic one could call this a landing strip #anyway um. posting more yyh but this time it's not funny at all oops. glad y'all liked the other one though jksdjfkjs #anyway yukina's important you should talk about her more #would also like to point out how in the final panel hiei doesn't actually touch her with his other arm. it's just resting on his hand #enclosing her but still kinda distant. he's still got some healing to do #edit argh i uploaded a slightly wrong version. fixed now. it just didn't have yukina's crying onomotopoeia #but i wanted them back in bc sound is so important to this one #WAIT PANELS SWAPPED. FIXED FR NOW #ANYWAY HIEI MY BELOVED MY EVERYTHING. LOVE THAT LITTLE GUY #also shoutout to devoted sibling characters. they really get it

[canisalbus]

Your art is so poignant and skillfully executed. I'm always excited to see what you create, and all the various influences that are revealed(or hidden) in each art piece.

That being said, I was not prepared for the sudden influx of Sad Dog x Bright Dog art you've been sharing recently! Machete having the potential of being loved and enjoying tenderness despite himself is one of The Best reveals of 2023. I enjoy how you express his relationship and struggles just as much as i enjoyed the stand alone pieces you've shared.

Thank you much for sharing the broader stories and pictures of your characters 💓

.

#aw dangit you're making me all emotional #thank you! that was such a lovely comment #sad dog x bright dog art has been the theme of this summer that's for sure #and I'm really moved by the overwhelmingly positive response my dogs have gotten #people genuinely seem to root for them and wish them good things #not to sound too sentimental but Machete has functioned as a misery sink for me for so long #I've spent years putting him through the meat grinder over and over again and while it has been cathartic in itself #it feels almost like a healing moment to give him some hope and happiness and someone to be with #and it's very rewarding to notice that this hasn't gone unnoticed by people who have been following my art and characters for a while #character growth #answered #anonymous #“having the potential of being loved” broke me just a little bit #like yeah who knew

[fantabulisticity]

The new Kesha album Gag Order ABSOLUTELY FUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been listening to it on repeat the last several days. It's intense and heartbreaking and chaotic and disturbing and wistful and motivating. Listen to it when you have emotional space for it, but definitely listen to it.

#personal #kesha #gag order #gag order album #edit: it sounds like what it feels like to have a trauma breakdown #like a long one over a series of months and years. she got it perfect. i hope this album was healing and cathartic for her. #it's so important to be able to express the 'ugly' emotions #her anger is justified. she gets to be angry about all the shit that's happened. and she gets to talk about it. it's so so so fucking hard #nothing happened with my rape case. i never heard back about any of it (except the university telling me they dropped my case). #i can't imagine going to court with people pointing cameras in your face and then having your case dismissed AND have your rapist file a... #...defamation suit. and the years that that bullshit has been going on. fucking hell. it's so hard. i feel for her and i hope she has... #...all the support she needs to get through it. she deserves all the love and care in the world. holding powerful people accountable for... #...their actions is so fucking difficult.

[dasloddl]

glueing together pages of my friendship book... or as I like to call it... spiritual cleansing <3

#healing journey is going well #I wouldn't have believed me 4 months ago that I would be okay #I wished the pain would go away really quickly and was sad that it didnt #but in the end... like 4-6ish months and everything is fine (for the most part) #sure. theres a thought here and there but it has no emotion attached to it at all... #I mean that is rather quick healing I would suppose #4-6 months does sound long but it's not THAT long when you think about it #anywho... next is deleting pictures... which is harder cause I'll have to look at them to delete them #and like... I dont wanna do that #oh... and then deleting “the evidence” aka the whole chat i've saved #(idk for some reason my brain thought it needed evidence to show that someone could like-like me) #and I still find it hard to finally do it (thats why I won't do it now but some time later... point is that I have to do it) #oh well #I can start small and just delete the WhatsApp chat... will do that now #yeah. that sounds like a plan... deleting the chat and doing the pictures/other chat later #op dasloddl

[ministarfruit]

the universe is fun now!! 🪐

#vtuber #hololive #holoen #tsukumo sana #she makes me so happy #and astrogirl is a BOP!!!!! #linked it in the caption if you want to listen #(sobbing) I'm not alone. now you are here. the constellations are so clear #(still sobbing) infinity sounds good to me. as long as you are by my side #HER VIBES!!! SANAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! #IDK WHY I GOT SO EMOTIONAL WHEN SHE SAID THE UNIVERSE IS FUN NOW #IT FEELS LIKE HEALING!! IT FEELS LIKE LIGHT #(SOBBING UNCONTROLLABLY) SANAAAAAAAAA

[asurrogateblog]

Cannibals, Pirates, and PhDs: How Did I Get Here?

I mentioned in some tags earlier that I’ve only actually been a real fan of Pink Floyd for under a year, and that the confluence of events that led up to it is pretty absurd. Some interest seemed to be taken in this, so I though I’d elaborate.

I didn’t know how to shorten this timeline and have it make any sense, so it’s... long. But idk, I think it’s pretty funny. If you’re nosy like I am this is for you.

My Backstory Timeline:

early childhood: my parents essentially mainline me and my little sister with The Beatles. I know almost no songs written past the 70’s until at least sixth grade. I develop a childhood crush on Paul McCartney, a joke that the universe really decides to play the long game on.

2014: my dad calls me over one night, and gravely tells me he’s been waiting to share something until I’m old enough. I brace myself to be told about sex or secret half-siblings. Instead, he tells me I need to listen to The Wall. Irritated at the idea of wasting an hour and half of my night, I nevertheless comply and go up to my room and put it on. I do not come back from this, clearly having inherited some sort of generational curse.

Around the same time, I am also secretly watching Hannibal every time my parents send me upstairs because Game of Thrones is “too gory”. This will trigger three important things: an interest in psychology, a love of horror media, and a classical music phase will train my attention span to last well past the three minute mark.

2014-2023: Over the intervening years, I become a casual fan of Pink Floyd, but make a deliberate point not to learn anything about the band. I like being able to imagine my own meanings for the songs. Also, I am motivated against this by a childhood memory of being deeply frightening by a picture of old Paul McCartney (LOL). I do not want that to ever happen again, so no learning.

Cut to April of 2023: I am finishing up my first year of my PhD program studying media psychology. I am in a bad place mentally, and am going through another horror movie phase to fill the hole. As a result, I get very into American Psycho. The main character, Patrick Bateman, is a fan of superficial 80’s pop music, particularly Genesis. I decide to start listening to Genesis to see if I agree with his tastes. While researching “best Genesis albums”, I come across The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway. I listen to it, and am blown away. I had no idea that the Phil Collins band made music like that. This sends me down the prog-rock rabbit hole. I still won't learn any lore.

Summer of 2023: MEANWHILE, I am also going through another pirate phase. I have a fairly encyclopedic knowledge of 18th century piracy (and am still quite active in the Black Sails fan community). Around this time, I get really obsessed with this one random guy named Dennis McCarthy who was hanged in 1718.

I decide to work poor Dennis into a science fiction story I’ve been working on. The premise is essentially that the universe is an abandoned simulation, and a ‘glitch in the matrix’ starts to, among other things, bring people from the wrong time periods back to life. The format of the story is vaguely monster-of-the-week, in which the characters have to solve various problems caused by mistakes in the code. I think, “hey, you know what would be perfect for this? that fanfic I wrote about The Wall in high school.” Said fic (which that stupid fucking beatles movie stole from me) is about a world in which Pink Floyd never existed, but a wannabe rock-star discovers a box full of their records and decides to copy them. While he is touring his plagiarized version of The Wall, he realizes that the events of the album are starting to happen to him in real life. By working this concept into my new story, I go through another one of my periodical The Wall phases. It's in full swing when fall rolls around.

September of 2023: This semester, I take a grad-level narrative theory class in the English department. I decide it would be helpful to follow along with a specific example, so I choose The Wall. Using the terminology I am learning in the class, I start to realize that The Wall is…. incredibly narratologically fucked up. To help orient me, I watch the bootleg concert recordings, and the trick with the surrogate band sends me so out of my mind that I decide I must break my rule about never learning band lore.

This is where the two plot-lines converge. I don’t remember which came first, but around this same time, I think to myself “hey, if Genesis was hiding such an incredible album under the 80’s pop, what must Pink Floyd be hiding?” On that whim, I put on Piper at the Gates of Dawn, which equally sends me so out of my mind that I decide I must break my rule about never learning band lore. I needed to know what the fuck happened to get them from Piper to The Wall.

September-November: In the two months between the onset of this and finally making another sideblog, I dedicate all of my free time to learning as much about Pink Floyd as humanely possible (and writing a 20 page essay for that narrative theory class). As you can imagine, this is a lot to unpack all at once for someone who didn’t even know who Roger or Syd or any of the rest of them were. Luckily, I am over-educated enough to be a very fast learner. Aside from the band lore itself, I of course also fall in love with the rest of Pink Floyd's discography musically-speaking. Having this interest to latch onto genuinely pulls me out of my depression.

Cut to February 2024: I am really enjoying myself, and want to keep this going as long as possible, but I am starting to scrape the bottom of the barrel on Pink Floyd lore. I decide I need to feed the fire by supplementing with lore from another band. The Beatles seem to have a strong fan presence on tumblr, why not revisit a childhood favorite? The universe laughs at my expense.

That about brings us up to date. I have gone through so much character development over the last eight months, it’s crazy. Pink Floyd is definitely one of those things that is less of a “phase” and more of a permanent part of my mindscape. Weirdly enough, since I am studying media psychology, all of this has also been really good for my career? I never took an interest in -real- media figures (as opposed to fictional characters) before, and I feel like I have a much clearer sense of things now. It's definitely influenced my research, so whatever domino effect this has on my future is bound to get even funnier.

Anyway, that’s my backstory!

#it’s interesting re-examining how my relationship to The Wall has changed over time. #strange how you can love something as a kid but not really personally relate to it. and then you grow up and suddenly you’re like... #...oh shit. there -must- have been a door there when I came in #// #that makes it sound less fun than its been tho #god. i've had so much fun. im actually glad i took so long to get into band lore so I could learn all this -now- #i had kind of worked myself into a (very silly) mental spiral of 'what if I've run out of new things to discover' #and it's been so. idk... healing for me to realize all of this has been here the whole time #(clenching my teeth: ....emotional vulnerability....)

[8rujaa]

my therapist really saved me….

#tw abuse // tw sa #i can’t sleep bc i keep thinking about this. #like i probably would’ve not been here if it weren’t for her #i started seeing her january of 2023… my life has changed entirely since then and she was definitely the one who got the ball rolling #literally so much has changed since then and it’s all because of her #i was so dissociated during our first few sessions #thanks to her i was able to get diagnosed and medicated for adhd. i was able to realize i was in an abusive situation and plan a way out #i was able to focus on myself and my healing and she’s helped me reframe so much of my negative thinking #i was able to process a lot of emotions and become a better version of myself with each session #she’s truly incredible. #i remember the first comment she made about the relationship had been ‘’so it’s like there’s an imbalance of control in the relationship’’ #i had put my partners on such a high pedestal that i had no idea they could be doing anything wrong #and i asked her what she meant and she said ‘from what you’ve been describing it’s sounds like a strict parents and child type of dynamic’ #she told me they didn’t need to understand why i wanted to leave and they didn’t need to make that decision. if that’s what was going to be #best for me the only thing i could do is let them know my reasoning and simply leave. i didn’t need their permission.’’ #i remember being so confused at that realization bc like… i had been putting their emotions over mine the whole time i had forgotten simply #doing what’s best for me was an option… l #ever since then i’ve been putting myself first and it’s been a steady uphill from rock bottom… i’ve made an incredible amount of progress #when i first started with her getting out of bed and walking to the kitchen was incredibly difficult and took all my strength. #yesterday i conquered a mountain!!!!!!! i hiked all the way to the top!!!!! :D #me a year ago thought it was going to take me years and years to recover. as soon as i left i made leaps of progress #im incredibly proud of myself and grateful for her. and my reiki lady she’s also been a great great help. #the silver lining is i realized who really matters. and the relationships i cared about deepened. #my sweet virgo friend was the one who was always like ‘THATS A GROWN ASS MAN WHO CANT UNDERSTAND BASIC CONSENT???’ #LMFAO i would be like ‘but he has trauma and bla bla bla’ she looked me dead in the eyes and said #’jess you said with your last boyfriend that you would never make excuses for a man who was hurting you again. stop defending him.’ #she’s really a gem and i treasure her with my life. i hope she knows i love her. she’s family at this point #she’s also literally saved my life before (like deadass called 911 for help) #im glad i had the support system i had. that was a rough situation with so many layers and im glad i got through it #my 22nd year of life was by far the worst of my life and i don’t ever want to put myself in that situation again. im glad i learned.

[honeycombhank]

3/4/24

I don’t know that I can talk much about it because I’ve been trying not to think much about it even.. but today my mom helped me call the social security people to update us on my case status and I mean idk what my parents expected because I know these things take a long time and people have told me being excepted for disability can even take years, I have already been disabled for like idk. Two. Three? Years at this point, I have no money,..

So I think I was trying to just go with my parents on feeling that maybe it wasn’t going to be like everybody said it was going too, maybe it could happen fairly quickly with my situation and how much evidence? Proof? Documentation we have showing how scary and hard and difficult and life changing this has been and how I need help asap

But today we called for an update and the person said they had not received the questionnaire yet after I filled for disability, my dad actually took it in personally and made sure it was on time driving at least 40 minutes to get up the place where he handed it right to someone, but I guess those people haven’t sent it along to the next step where someone does the research and gets assigned to my case and then looks over everything and requests medical documentation that what we are saying is true. I wont be assigned a person to look over my case until at least a couple of months.

So I mean, maybe a couple of months will go by and they will start and things will go smoothly? Idk, I really really hope so. There is nothing in my power to do about these things. It’s scary and I just hope my mental health doesn’t decline even more during this process, it’s very scary to have to depend on everyone for just about everything.

Know I am doing my best

#my thoughts #mental health #disability #scary stuff #honeycombhank #healing #my case #I’m trying to stay afloat #phone call #disabled #idk #I probably sound crazy #ugh #ranting #vent post #i’m sorry #emotional #trying not to think about it #money

[hatake]

.

#started going to therapy again in the hopes of coping better with my fam situation #but my therapist is pretty adamant that the situation is too toxic for me to be able to heal in #and i know he's right but also i'm not in a place rn where i can leave said situation or have the emotional capacity to try #and having a third party affirm that the position you're in is actually more fucked up than u thought is both validating and exhausting #bc like before i was just like ''my mom is entitled to still be close to the ppl who sexually abused me'' #and was able to just blame all my rage and frustration and hurt on myself #but now that it is starting to resonate that Wait That's Actually Fucked Up #just existing around my mom has become so much more exhausting #& i've spoken to my therapist abt this but i'm venting here bc i'm really feeling it today #it's sounds dumb but having someone explain to u that ur rightfully at ur limit at all times makes it so real somehow #ofc i'm at my limit at all times in this environment most people would be too!!! #i'm just so tired 😭😭 #tired and overwhelmed and tired and overwhelmed #and #ugh

[cansomeonetoldmewhoiam]

I think that one of the saddest feelings is thinking, "I want to go home," and then realising you are in the place you live, but you still aren't at home. There's no home for you. The place that is supposed to be home for you is not safe.

So, hear me out. I know it's hard, I know you're scared, but one day you'll be at home. You'll walk through a door and immediately feel relief. You'll get to decide how to live your life. You'll survive. You're not alone. Me, you, too many people are into this together.

Will you fight with me?

#sorry if my english is bad #emotional abuse leave scars #that maybe are never going to vanish #but you can survive #you can heal #i know it sound impossible #but one day #we'll go home

[mindfulblisstribe]

Exploring the 8 Types of Meditation: Which is Right for Your Practice?

In the pursuit of inner peace and spiritual growth, the practice of meditation serves as a sacred gateway—a portal through which we can explore the depths of our being and connect with the essence of existence. Within the vast landscape of meditation, there exists a rich tapestry of techniques, each offering a unique pathway to mindfulness, self-awareness, and transformation. Join us as we embark on a journey of discovery, exploring the eight main types of meditation and helping you discern which resonates most deeply with your soul.

1. Mindfulness Meditation

Description: Mindfulness meditation, rooted in Buddhist tradition, invites practitioners to cultivate present-moment awareness by observing thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations without judgment. It involves anchoring attention to the breath or bodily sensations and gently redirecting the mind when it wanders.

Benefits: Mindfulness meditation fosters greater self-awareness, emotional regulation, and stress reduction. It promotes clarity of mind, enhanced focus, and a deeper sense of connection to oneself and the world.

2. Spiritual Meditation

Description: Spiritual meditation involves seeking a deeper connection with the divine, the universe, or one's higher self. Practitioners may engage in prayer, visualization, or contemplation of sacred texts or symbols to nurture their spiritual connection and cultivate a sense of inner peace and guidance.

Benefits: Spiritual meditation deepens one's sense of purpose, meaning, and connection to the divine. It fosters spiritual growth, inner wisdom, and a profound sense of trust and surrender to the unfolding of life.

3. Focused Meditation

Description: Focused meditation involves directing attention to a single point of focus, such as the breath, a candle flame, or a mantra. The goal is to cultivate concentration and mental clarity by gently returning attention to the chosen focal point whenever distractions arise.

Benefits: Focused meditation enhances concentration, memory, and cognitive function. It promotes mindfulness, reduces mental clutter, and cultivates a sense of inner calm and stability.

4. Movement Meditation

Description: Movement meditation, also known as mindful movement or walking meditation, integrates mindful awareness with gentle physical movement. Practitioners may engage in slow, deliberate movements such as walking, yoga, tai chi, or qigong, focusing on the sensations and rhythm of the body in motion.

Benefits: Movement meditation cultivates embodied presence, flexibility, and balance. It promotes physical health, stress reduction, and a deeper connection between mind, body, and spirit.

5. Mantra Meditation

Description: Mantra meditation involves silently repeating a sacred word, phrase, or sound (mantra) to focus the mind and induce a state of deep relaxation and inner peace. The repetition of the mantra serves as a point of concentration, helping to quiet the chatter of the mind and access deeper states of consciousness.

Benefits: Mantra meditation calms the mind, reduces stress, and enhances mental clarity. It deepens self-awareness, fosters spiritual growth, and cultivates a sense of connection to the divine within.

6. Transcendental Meditation (TM)

Description: Transcendental Meditation is a mantra-based technique where practitioners silently repeat a specific word or phrase (mantra) to access transcendent states of consciousness and deep relaxation. TM typically involves two 20-minute sessions per day.

Benefits: TM reduces stress, anxiety, and symptoms of depression. It enhances creativity, cognitive function, and overall mental clarity. Regular practice is associated with improved cardiovascular health and longevity.

7. Progressive Relaxation

Description: Progressive relaxation involves systematically tensing and relaxing different muscle groups in the body to release physical tension and induce a state of deep relaxation. Practitioners may start with the feet and work their way up to the head, consciously relaxing each muscle group.

Benefits: Progressive relaxation promotes physical relaxation, stress reduction, and relief from muscle tension and pain. It enhances body-mind awareness and fosters a sense of relaxation and well-being.

8. Metta Meditation (Loving-Kindness Meditation)

Description: Metta meditation cultivates feelings of compassion, kindness, and goodwill towards oneself and others. Practitioners repeat affirmations or phrases such as "May I be happy, may I be healthy, may I be safe," extending these wishes to loved ones, acquaintances, and even difficult individuals.

Benefits: Metta meditation enhances empathy, reduces negative emotions, and strengthens interpersonal relationships. It fosters a sense of connection and kindness towards oneself and the world.

Choosing Your Path

As you embark on your meditation journey, remember that there is no "right" or "wrong" practice—only the practice that resonates most deeply with your heart and soul. Explore different techniques, trust your intuition, and allow yourself to be guided by the wisdom of your innermost being.

Whether you're drawn to the simplicity of mindfulness, the spiritual depth of transcendental meditation, or the heart-opening embrace of loving-kindness, know that each moment of presence and self-discovery is a sacred step along the path to awakening.

May your exploration of meditation be filled with curiosity, compassion, and joy as you journey towards the inner peace and wisdom that dwells within.

Namaste,

Sofía Elena, Founder Mindful Bliss Tribe

Holistic + Mindset Coach

Sound Healer

Join us on this journey of self-discovery and transformation, as we immerse ourselves in the healing waters of sound + meditation and emerge renewed, revitalized, and restored. Book your session today with Mindful Bliss Tribe - Tampa, FL.

#self awareness #healing #mindfulness #mindset #personal development #personal growth #sound healing #gratitude #positive mental attitude #positive mindset #emotional freedom technique #emotions #thoughts #meditation #spirituality #spiritual awakening #spiritual #spiritual growth #yoga #wellness #stressrelief #healthy living #wellbeing #holisticwellness

[h2myk]

When I tried to pull them out, they were all weeds, but when I tried to embrace them, they were all flowers. #Oldroad #Wall #Healing #Flower #Dailylife #Ambientmusic #Peace

#youtube #ambient music #meditation #nature #ambientmusic #healing #mental #ambient #concentration #calming #mind purification #mind #mindfulness #mine #fire campfire emotion fire pit comfort ambient music #ambience #most beautiful relaxing music #relaxing music #music #sound #soothing #sleep #suffering #sea #sky #space #beautiful sky #stability #study #start

[sidewalkchemistry]

Allow the modern everyday sounds (the engines of cars and trucks and buses, church bells, cell phone notification tones & vibrations, drones of radios, overhead train announcements, television chatter, vacuums, lawnmowers, car honks, even the shouts of impatient rush hour drivers) become a part of your daily sound healing experience. Transmute them from being irritating white noise into a reminder of the everyday miracles taking place nonstop. Technology can easily bring down our vibe, or pull us into mindlessness, but it's much better to keep a mindset of bliss💗

#txt #emotional alchemy #sound healing #transmutation #manifestation #mindsets #holistic habits #white noise #technology #peace #zen #mindfulness #loa #sidewalkchemistry

[itspileofgoodthings]

literally sometimes my brain won’t work right when I am under stress or anxiety or just riding waves of turmoil but it still keeps going through the motions of working—grinding, whirring, spinning, turning etc etc etc. but all unproductively—and so I have to take my brain and put it on ice like “you CANNOT use this right now Maria it is not working right” and then go do other things and it has been the hardest thing in the world for me to learn but also one of the most important lessons from this season I think. just to haul myself out of the pit of my own thinking and go look at the sky or some grass.

#I think of it in terms of putting it on ice/giving it to Our Lady #because the thing is!!! and I know how self-aggrandizing this sounds but. I’m very smart #like with my BRAIN #the gift is thinking. it’s analyzing #but when for other reasons I am under physical emotional mental spiritual stress #that just makes my gift of thinking worse #and it betrays me #and it paints the most vivid pictures and scenarios and stories #and there is this thread of truth trying to push its way through because I’ve really honed my mind to look for the truth #but it’s trying to operate in the dark and it CANNOT do it #and so it’s like. I just have to disengage from a problem #from trying to figure it out #I have to say to myself ‘your brain isn’t working right now. set it down and go do something else’ #and just wait and trust #and because I have intense anxiety it makes me want to SCREAM to have to do that #it feels wrong and evil to set the problem down in any way #to not try to wrestle my way to an answer #but I just keep hitting so many dead ends in my mind that it has forced itself on my consciousness (finally) #that the smart thing to do is to not try to analyze right now #I need to surrender and get my bearings again and rest and heal #and then try to tackle the intellectual problem #these are mostly about internal spiritual battles I’ve been facing I know it sounds all vague #anyway life is crazy. my brain is a little broken. I cannot think myself out of …. well anything #it’s time to lean on other things #including the act of trust and a trust fall and setting down a tangled problem at the feet of Our Lady #and saying ‘here it’s yours’ #and it’s so hard because of course I sneak back in a second later and try to start untangling it again #like the naughty little kid I am #but that’s just part of the struggle. to KEEP not engaging. because I SUSPECT (underneath my fear) that if I leave it alone it will melt #and resolve into a dew of its own accord. things are like that. life is simple you know? let be. ANYWAY.

[struggling-to-find-home]

... I have lost a lot, but in all of what was lost, there wasn't much that I grieved as hard as I did two things: the first two melodies I created, musically symmetrical, called "day" and "night". One was - in the teenage mind of a young composer who had barely learned that you can string three notes together to create a basic chord at that point - ethereal and beautiful, the other was supposed to be a more cheerful, fun, energetic version of the first one. The two could connect in an ongoing loop, changing each other - kind of like day and night. Get the name?)

They were my babies, my lovelies, they were simple and dumb but they were my creations which I adored, with one of the few good surviving memories being about how, when I felt peaceful, I used to sit in my room and play these two, one after the other, in a loop after loop after loop.

So, imagine my grief when I lost them.

Imagine how elated I was when I understood that as new memories came, I could potentially get them back.

...

Night has been with me for a bit now, about two weeks - it's older, and, fittingly, came back first, but it didn't feel right to celebrate it's return without it's sibling present.

I remembered the second one, just now, lying down at the floor and playing guitar to make myself feel better. I thought I started to play night - but what came from under my fingers wasn't night, it was way too cheerful, too bright. It was day!!

I remember them!!

I remember them both now!!

I'm so happy!!:D

#ironically enough night is supposed to be 'the feeling of a resting quiet and calm' and day was supposed to be #'the thrumming sound of enthusiastic work‚ a place bustling with activity' #so like #i think the fact that rest came back first before work did is a nice parallel to how in trauma processing healing comes first before being #able to do stuff #my babies<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 #is it stupid to feel so much emotion over your own songs? yes. will I stop? no:) #personal #trauma processing funsies