#able to do stuff

[struggling-to-find-home]

... I have lost a lot, but in all of what was lost, there wasn't much that I grieved as hard as I did two things: the first two melodies I created, musically symmetrical, called "day" and "night". One was - in the teenage mind of a young composer who had barely learned that you can string three notes together to create a basic chord at that point - ethereal and beautiful, the other was supposed to be a more cheerful, fun, energetic version of the first one. The two could connect in an ongoing loop, changing each other - kind of like day and night. Get the name?)

They were my babies, my lovelies, they were simple and dumb but they were my creations which I adored, with one of the few good surviving memories being about how, when I felt peaceful, I used to sit in my room and play these two, one after the other, in a loop after loop after loop.

So, imagine my grief when I lost them.

Imagine how elated I was when I understood that as new memories came, I could potentially get them back.

...

Night has been with me for a bit now, about two weeks - it's older, and, fittingly, came back first, but it didn't feel right to celebrate it's return without it's sibling present.

I remembered the second one, just now, lying down at the floor and playing guitar to make myself feel better. I thought I started to play night - but what came from under my fingers wasn't night, it was way too cheerful, too bright. It was day!!

I remember them!!

I remember them both now!!

I'm so happy!!:D

#ironically enough night is supposed to be 'the feeling of a resting quiet and calm' and day was supposed to be #'the thrumming sound of enthusiastic work‚ a place bustling with activity' #so like #i think the fact that rest came back first before work did is a nice parallel to how in trauma processing healing comes first before being #able to do stuff #my babies<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 #is it stupid to feel so much emotion over your own songs? yes. will I stop? no:) #personal #trauma processing funsies

[inkskinned]

i got rickrolled today but it didn't work because i have adblocker installed, so youtube just told me i violated the terms of service. yesterday i was trying to edit a picture as a joke for my girlfriend, and google made me check a box to prove i'm human because i wasn't "searching normally".

it isn't just that capitalism is killing fun and whimsy, it is that any element of entertainment or joy is being fed upon by this mosquito body, one that will suck you dry at any vulnerability.

do you want to meet new friends in your city? download this app, visit our website, sign up for our email list. pay for this class on making a terrarium, on candlemaking, on cooking. it will be 90 dollars a session. you can go to group fitness, but only under our specific gym membership. solve the puzzle, sign up for our puzzle-of-the-month-club. what is a club if not just a paid opportunity - you are all paying for the same thing, which makes you a community.

but you're like me, i know it - you're careful, you try the library meetings and the stuff at the local school and all of that. the problem is that you kind of want really specific opportunities that used to exist. you are so grateful for libraries and the publicly-funded things: they are, however, an exception - and everything they have, they've fought tooth-and-nail to protect. you read a headline about how in many other states, libraries have virtually nothing left.

do you want to meet up with your friends afterwards? gift your friends the discord app. you can choose to go to a cafe (buy a coffee, at least), a bar (money, alcohol) or you can all stay in and catch a movie (streaming) or you can all stay in bed (rent. don't get me started) and scream (noise complaint. ticket at least).

you want to read a new book, but the book has to have 124 buzzwords from tiktok readers that are, like, weirdly horny. you can purchase this audiobook on audible! your podcast isn't on spotify, it's on its own server, pay for a different site. fuck, at least you're supporting artists you like. the art museum just raised their ticket price. once, they had a temporary exhibit that acknowledged that ~85% of their permanent art galleries were from cis white men, and that they had thousands of works by women (even famous women, like frida! georgia o'keefe!) just rotting in their basement. that exhibit lasted for 3 months and then they put everything away again.

walmart proudly supports this strip of land by the street! here are some flowers with wilting leaves. its employees have to pay out-of-pocket for their uniforms. my friend once got fined by the city because she organized a community pick-up of the riverfront, which was technically private property.

no, you cannot afford to take that dance class, neither can i. by the way - i'm a teacher. i'm absolutely not saying "educators shouldn't be paid fairly." i'm saying that when i taught classes, renting a studio went from 20 bucks an hour to 180 in the span of 6 months. no significant changes to the studio were made, except they now list the place as updated and friendly. the heat still doesn't work in the building. i have literally never seen the landlord who ignores my emails. recently they've been renting it out at night as an "unusual nightclub; a once-in-a-lifetime close-knit party." they spent some of those 180 dollars on LEDs and called it renovating. the high heels they invite in have been ruining the marley.

do you want to experience the old internet? do you want to play flash games or get back the temporary joy of club penguin? you can, you just need to pay for it. i have a weird, neurodivergent obsession with occasionally checking in to watch the downfall and NFT-ification of neopets. if i'm honest with you all - i never got into webkins, my family didn't have the money to buy me a pointless elephant. people forget that "being poor" can mean literally "if i buy you that toy, i can't afford rent."

you and i don't have time to make good food, and we don't have the budget for it. we are not gonna be able to host dinner parties, we're not made of money, kid. do you want some kind of 3rd space? a space that isn't home or work or school? you could try being online, but - what places actually exist for you? tiktok counts as social media because you see other people on it, not because they actually talk to you.

there was a local winter tradition of sledding down the hill at my school. kids would use pizza boxes and jackets and whatever worked, howling and laughing. back in september, they made a big announcement that this time, rules were changing, and everyone must pay 10 dollars to participate. when im not scared shitless, i kind of appreciate the environmental irony - it hasn't gone below 40. so much for snow & joyriding.

i saw a bulletin for a local dogwalking group and, nervous about making a good first impression, showed up early. the first guy there grimaced at me. "sorry," he said. "there's a 30-dollar buy-in fee." i thought he was joking. wait. for what? the group doesn't offer anything except friendship and people with whom to walk around the city.

he didn't know the answer. just shrugged at me. "you know," he said. "these days, everything costs money."

#spilled ink #warm up #“why did u tag it warm up” bc i wrote it off the cuff while drinkin coffee lol #btw the 30 dollar buy in for the dog walking is bc they pay the organizer a small pittance so she can #run fb ads and stuff and like she does put in a lot of work i don't mind paying her #but that's exactly what im fucking talking about like. #ppl can't afford to volunteer their time anymore and we all understand it!!! everything costs money for everyone! #like we didn't have to use to say ''do you mind paying me back for the stuff we ate'' #we used to be able to afford to feed our friends once in a while!!!

[theseyellowdays]

One thing I genuinely think the fandom forgets or underestimates is just how weird Neil is. Like we paint him to be this carismatic, flashy, cocky bad boy, but in reality he's stingy, skittish, balks at anything more personal then his thoughts on Exy and Cannot for the life of him socialize. Like in the Raven King, right after Seth dies, he straight up goes:

"Neil had to patch things up with [Allison] somehow, but he didn't know where to start. He'd never been good at winning people over. Someone like Allison wasn't likely to be his first success. "

Neil's spent his life living on the outskirts of "average" life. Ergo, he's cagey and flighty and so far removed from normal that even among the Foxes he'll always be a little unpredictable and odd. And you know what, good for him; we all deserve an antisocial introverted asshole to raly behind.

#bless Andrew for being able to sniff that out from the beginning #because like sure he gets better as the series progresses #and he gains more confidence #and ground to stand on #but like come on #this boy has absolutely no pop culture knowledge and probably thinks NSYNC is an acronym #for some disease #because that stuff is only needed when making connections with others #and neil was never allowed to do that #aftg #andrew minyard #neil josten #the foxhole court #the raven king #the kings men #im in the trenches of my 8th reread #and my own emotions #wish me luck #mine

[delicourse]

lesbian pride moment 😳🌸

#jolyne cujoh #hermes costello #stone ocean #jjba #jojo's bizzare adventure #deliart #jolymes #i didnt make it in time for pride month. its 3 in the morning #but some for some time zones im just in time<3 #focus here was GREEN i just wanted to work with lots of green colors #bc i never do and i need to improve at that #we ended up with neons tho still sorry #also the background was fully rendered so much details n stuff but u cant see it hehe bc i blurred it #that was what most of my time was spent on . btw #anyway. hope u all enjoy the dresses lol #might go back and fix some stuff tho bc i drew this in like 3 days from lineart onward #so i havent been able to rest my eyes inbetween. so ill probably find something i wanna fix later

[golyadkin]

I cannot express enough that if your reaction, as a hobby artist, to not getting that many notes on your art is to say "maybe I should just stop doing art altogether" you need to stop posting art to tumblr

not necessarily forever, not even for long, but just stop putting your art on here and start doing it for you again, remember why you enjoyed doing art in the first place and stop relying on the attention of faceless people on the internet for your enjoyment of your hard work

believe me, I get it, nothing crushes the artistic soul quite like labouring for hours on a piece only for it to get like 10 notes, so you need to find your own source of joy in the act of creation and a lot of the time that means making art and not showing it to anybody

#not art #listen #for real #this is not about any one person because i've seen posts about it from a bunch of people #you think i post everything here? buddy i dont even post half my stuff here #every drawing you see is preceded by five more just like it #that never see my cursor close to the save button #i have a sketchbook i draw in regularly that i do'nt show to a single goddam person #i make cutout art from gels i steal from work and stick them to my windows and do paintings in my living room just for me #because that it the only way you are ever going to be able to retain your original love of art #is by doing it for the sake of doing it #not for the sake of seeing how many people stop and stare #anyways i'm sorry if this sounds terse #but i'm so sick of seeing artists put all their self-esteem and happiness in the hands of a blogging website #stop selling yourself short by measuring your self worth by how many reblogs you get and what people say in the tags #your artistry and your happiness are worth more than that #if you're an artist for a living that's another story #but even then #even then #anyways sorry i'm done ranting

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 167

Honestly, Danny is having such a good time right now. He gets to travel with Ellie, explore space, just have fun. Plus his secondary protector-instincts are having soothed despite him not technically doing any hero-ing anymore. Really his sister had the right idea when she decided she wanted to become a doctor, this is honestly a blast.

And if someone does end up passing away, well, Ellie is always happy to help soothe their spirit and guide them to the Realms where they can reach their respective afterlife. Or become a ghost. 

They are completely oblivious to the fact that there are now legends and entire temples dedicated to them now. Apparently accidental ascension is in fact a thing, as Dan later laughs at them about. 

#prompts #Dcxdp #dpxdc #Dan was already thought of as a god of destruction & change #He’s laughing at his ‘siblings’ for making them a trio #So many planets throughout time now include 3 gods/spirits/etc in their worship under different names but similar faces #One of those planets was Krypton #Clark’s parents prayed to Dan-El the Healer that their son would be safe and in good health wherever he went #They prayed to El-Nath the Guide that his journey would be safe & that she would not have to guide him to the afterlife instead #They prayed to Jor-Dan the Destroyer that they’re wrong and if not that their planet’s End is a merciful one #Clark finds this out when researching stuff from his ship/the Fortress #Hey that’s kind of funny he saw a similar looking being floating among the stars when he first tested leaving the atmosphere hehe #....... W a i t a minute- #Space Core Danny #Moon Core Ellie #Sun Core Dan #Look Jazz’s dream in canon is to become a brain surgeon and I think she deserves to be able to do that #Medical school is hard AF #Danny apprenticed under Frostbite & So Many Realms ghosts who are Very Eager to pass on their knowledge

[hiding-under-the-willow]

In another classic return to form, I am back on my Hermitcraft bullshit for the 100,000th time 😊

#atlas.art #artists on tumblr #mcyt #hermitcraft #goodtimeswithscar #gtws #tango tek #docm77 #helsknight #welsknight #joe hills #joehills #mumbo jumbo #its been like literally exactly a year since I was last doing hc art #so it was really fun looking back at my old stuff as character references and being able to see the improvement #particularly enchanted by the tango drawing. the expression the colors and the pose just all came together so perfectly

[dkettchen]

she would've told them unlike her canon! version who decided not to be an ally smh

#one piece #trans!sanji #sanji #kiku #yamato #ワンピース #I'm practicing my japanese shhhhhh #（日本語のペラペラ人：俺は文法とか書く方とか間違ったら教えてください😅ありがとうございます） #translation: #Yamato: I'll be able to get as strong as Oden? #Sanji: Probably... 🤔 #[meanwhile Kiku is remembering the time in the hot spring] #(Sanji: Nami-chan!!!) #(Nami: Shut up!! The women's bath is supposed to be a peaceful place!) #Kiku: I am also ⚧️ ... o.o #(y'all english speakers had me all to yourselves for a decade it's about time I start to also sometimes make stuff in my next language lol #notably for media *from* that language #same as it made sense to make fan content in english for [american superhero franchise we don't talk abt anymore] back in the day #(happy seasonal reminder that Ren Is Not A Native English Speaker and This Is My 5th Language hi 😅)) #while looking up reference for this I learnt that the straps to tie back the kimono sleeves are called tasuki #also I decided yamato get big muscles cause he got them kaido genes in im (I also gave him his dad's young-man-facial hair) #the more I do transition projections for one piece characters while tryna adhere to the style the more I learn that sometimes stylisation #uses bones less as literal determinants for where things go and just kinda exaggerates shapes based on vibes alone instead #meaning trans characters' bones wouldn't literally stay looking the same in that stylisation in the way they do irl #they'd get exaggerated differently based on what the surrounding stuff is doing #I still think oda's transition demonstration when we first met iva was unreasonable even with that in mind tho

[lucky-fy]

For the Laicion nation (aka, me and three other people)

I had this illustration commissioned (a big thank you to @lunehowls) for my werewolf AU Laicion fic (still a WIP).

The general pitch is as follows :

AU in which Laios never got to meet his sister again, putting his life on a whole other path, a more desperate one. A military deserter with barely a coin to his name, Laios hitches a ride on a boat to one of the elven continents, where he learns about magical tattoos that binds one’s soul to a wolf’s, effectively making them artificial werewolves. Illegal magic be damned, this feels like the answer to… everything.

In the process, he learns about the existence of an illegal fighting ring in one of the elven cities, where beastmen gladiators gather. Freshly tattooed and without anywhere else to go to, Laios decides to head there, where he meets Lycion, an elf and artificial werewolf gladiator. If they first bond over a simple shared meal, by spending time together (sharing the same room in the barracks, maybe the same bed? gasp) they find that they have a lot in common, notably a shared distaste for the body they were born in, a dysphoria partially remedied by becoming a werewolf.

They bond :)

NB: I commissioned another piece, go take a look :D

#dungeon meshi #laios touden #lycion #laicion #I'm heads deep in research regarding Ancient Rome gladiators... and loving it. Really fascinating stuff. #I bemoan the fact that most papers are locked behind a paywall (though I found one that gives a free pdf access) #(and no. Sci-hub is not an option. It's blocked in my country) #I'm also re-reading DunMeshi and taking notes to get a better grasp of Laios and Lycion as characters. Character studies if you will #and I still need to fully outline the fic #I know where I'm starting (struggling to choose a POV for that first chapter LOL) and where I'm ending so there's that #and a bunch of disconnected scenes (as we all do ahaha) #anyway. Doing all of this while studying for veterinary school. It's hard. I feel guilty whenever I'm not studying... #let's just say I don't expect the prep work for the fic to be ready before this summer (+ I need to finish the Kuro cosplay for Japan Expo) #hopefully; once it's done; I'll be able to set a schedule and write smoothly #werewolf #werewolf laios #rarepair #Fy posts

[ruporas]

i made a digital vw zine, there's a bunch of stuff on here that hasn't been shared elsewhere! if you're looking for a barrage of vw being really clingy and all, look no further :]

LINK

#vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun #trigun maximum #trigun stampede #ruporas art #HI....... HELLO..... this is my first zine ever.... this is primarily a sketch log with a few finished stuff that i just never posted #there's a few drawings that i did share but never cross - platformed posted them before #compiled them for convenience sake in this lil zine #NEXT YEAR! i will definitely do a physical zine if there's still garnered interest in that lol... it's been in the wips but it's taking #a bit because there's long-ish comics i want to finish for it; alongside that i hope to set up sale for physical goods in general soon.. #i'm still figuring that all out :') but in the mean time - please enjoy this if u are able to buy!!

[ind1c0lite]

Quick post older maya design when they least expect it

#ace attorney #apollo justice trilogy #maya fey #indys art #its not a big difference but just my own personal touches HGJKHLJ #I actually had a day to myself for once and I've been doodling maya a lot these past few days so here she is! <3 #my break week is coming up so *maybe* ill be able to do stuff them #maybe #ok back into the mist I go

[rottmnt-residuum]

im sure y'all could tell i was struggling ahahaha, but once i figure out a good workflow it'll return to once a week

#i thought i'd be able to do it as i had been but nah #if your worried im loosing steam- i promise im not #theres so much stuff y'all #so much and i really want to get to the good shit #and oh lord does it itch

[inkskinned]

the rise of AI art isn't surprising to us. for our entire lives, the attitude towards our skills has always been - that's not a real thing. it has been consistently, repeatedly devalued.

people treat art - all forms of it - as if it could exist by accident, by rote. they don't understand how much art is in the world. someone designed your home. someone designed the sign inside of your local grocery store. when you quote a character or line from something in media, that's a line a real person wrote.

"i could do that." sure, but you didn't. there's this joke where a plumber comes over to a house and twists a single knob. charges the guy 10k. the guy, furious, asks how the hell the bill is so high. the plumber says - "turning the knob was a dollar. the knowledge is the rest of the money."

the trouble is that nobody believes artists have knowledge. that we actively study. that we work hard, beyond doing our scales and occasionally writing a poem. the trouble is that unless you are already framed in a museum or have a book on a shelf or some kind of product, you aren't really an artist. hell, because of where i post my work, i'll never be considered a poet.

the thing that makes you an artist is choice. the thing that makes all art is choice. AI art is the fetid belief that art is instead an equation. that it must answer a specific question. Even with machine learning, AI cannot make a choice the way we can - because the choices we make have always been personal, complicated. our skills cannot be confined to "prompt and execution." what we are "solving" isn't just a system of numbers - it is how we process our entire existence. it isn't just "2 and 2 is 4", it's staring hard at the numbers and making the four into an alligator. it's rearranging the letters to say ow and it is the ugly drawing we make in the margin.

at some point, you will be able to write something by feeding my work into a machine. it will be perfectly legible and even might sound like me. but a machine doesn't understand why i do these things. it can be taught preferences, habits, statistical probability. it doesn't know why certain vowels sound good to me. it doesn't know the private rules i keep. it doesn't know how to keep evolving.

"but i want something to exist that doesn't exist yet." great. i'm glad you feel creative. go ahead and pay a fucking artist for it.

this is all saying something we all already knew. the sad fucking truth: we have to die to remind you. only when we're gone do we suddenly finally fucking mean something to you. artists are not replicable. we each genuinely have a skill, talent, and process that makes us unique. and there's actual quiet power in everything we do.

#also pay plumbers more. and electricians. and other devalued occupations #idk that this makes sense #but im like #people being so fucking pleased with themselves about the fact they can ''fake'' art #n im like #sure #but what if we stop making things for you huh #what if we stop giving u this stuff anymore #what happens to ur ai art? does it keep growing? does it keep making choices? #why do u need to see us as machines? #''i want X to exist but i don't have the skill to do it'' #okay spend literally years of your life studying #''i don't want to do that'' #okay pay someone who DID do that #''no i don't think it's a real skill'' #okay so. YOU can't do it. and a LOT of people can't do it. but you think WE should be able to? #FOR FREE? #either it has value or it dont baby make up ur OWN mind #btw studying here is not used academically. i think if ur like. constantly knitting. #thats studying #do u spend hours reading and find urself taking notes and learning about writing #ur studying #do you follow other artists and spend a lot of your time trying new things (even unsuccessfully) #that's also studying #etc #was weird to write this thing about choices and then be like. wait why DO i like that

[caycanteven]

He likes what he sees. 🫵

Husbone appreciation in the midst of my busyness.

#my art #sans #sans au #undertale au #caycantdoodle #underfell sans #fell sans #Red #underfell #husbone #my beloved #I wanna snuggle him so much #give him kisses #just a wee sketch #haven’t been able to draw anything for myself lately #I’m working hard on commissions #I’m having fun tho dw #miss y’all sm lovelies 🫶❤️ promise I’ll do good stuff soon #wanna do redraws of headcannon designs

[eveledoze]

it's always the right eye

#okay i should stop with this shitposts for now #I should stop thinking about the teaser otherwise I won't be able to do anything #murder drones #nori doorman #murder drones doll #murder drones yeva #evele stuff #send help #idk if it means smth #this reminded me that I once wanted to make myself a bandage like Sunny's from Omori #Sunny also has a wounded Right eye... #wounded right eye team !!!

[historicity-was-already-taken]

wisdom i've accumulated in my almost-35 years on this planet: success = hard work + privilege + luck

never let this late capitalist hustle culture bullshit convince you that your lack of "success" is your fault.

#i work very fucking hard #i also have parents who are able to provide me with a thickass safety net #if i didn't have that safety net my life would be VERY different #and for all my hard work #it's very unlikely that i'd have achieved this stuff wrt my book #i'm DEEPLY grateful and i know they're proud of me and are happy to do it #but just bitchslap me if you ever catch me saying that it's all hard work and time management #and all that kim kardashian bullshit #I love what this post has become