#Crack Fic

[rapplesart]

Random fic idea

Tim drake but instead of loosing his spleen he lost part of his leg.

Tim thought it was obvious he was missing his right leg from the knee down. It was a whole leg that was missing after all. Sure he was wearing a prosthetic made by Ra's' best people.

One he painfully earned after that crazy fucker made him fight a bunch of his assassins one legged in order to "proof himself as the true heir of the bat he saw in him" or something. So sure, the leg might be more advanced than most, and it imitated natural steps a lot easier and even made it possible to easily run without switching to a different leg. Truly it was a perfect leg be vigilante with. But he never even bothered to give it human like appearances.

But apparently the Fam didn't notice. When he returned with Bruce everyone was too reliefed to give Tim a closer look and it just never came up afterwards.

Tim thought they just didn't want to ask about it in a weird attempt of being polite or even caring. Bruce surely did enough research on how it happened on his own. The man spend the whole travel back to Gotham with Tim after all. Tim truly believed the world's greatest detective would have noticed his missing leg.

Except he didn't. Not if he interpreted the way they looked so incredibly disturbed by is nonchalant way of handlinh the boiling hot chemicals that landed on his metal leg. He just brushed it off, the battle continued and since nothing seemed to be injured no one pressed him when he said "Must've missed me after all"

Now, how do you deal with a family that didn't notice you're missing a leg? That's right you fuck with them.

First thing he did was buy himself a few more realistic looking prosthetic leg. It had to be custom made to fit his stump so it took a whole but it was a worthwhile investment.

The first one was Jason. Call it a twisted revenge for trying to kill him but Tim just really wanted him to be messed with the most. So one day when he knew it was only Jason and him on patrol he strategically set himself down to fall. Crunching some spaghettis to ass in a sickening way only to stand up and walk away as if nothing ever happened.... With his foot toned the wrong way around. Insisting on nothing being wrong and Jason being delusional whenever the older boy tried to get him to get medical treatment. He switched it up the whole evening, whenever he was out of sight he turned the fool right and wrong. Driving the guy insane.

Jason did not sleep well that night. He was also top weirded out and unsure if what he saw was real to talk about it with anyone else.

Then, he challenged dick to a flexibility contest seeing how far they han bend their knees and feet. Even Mr bones are a social construct gymnast Richard Grayson looked horrified as Tim stood there, food bend almost in half, knee twisted to the impossible and what looked lihe a bend in the middle of his leg. Dick claimed cheating except the thing that greeted him when he demanded Tim to puch up his pant leg to expose his trick was a normal looking leg. The first Robin did lots of stretches in the following weeks. His pride was hurt after all.

Finding a way to mess with Damian was a bit more difficult. The brat still made a bunch of harsh comments again and again and he really wasn't close enough with Tim to be easily gaslit. The kid was a trained assassin and was probably used to a bunch of weird shit considering everything Ra's. So Tim decided he could go a bit more gory on Robin than the others. So one night he sat in front of Damians room, in the dark hallway and waited till one of his pets passed him. Once Alfred the Cat came along he made some louder coping noise that would Definetly make the kid look out to check on his animals. It worked just as planned, Damian peeked out his door to see Tim, crosslegged and barefoot on the floor, seemingly cutting off his toe to feed the cat. In reality it was nothing more than a cat treat and carefully picked, animal safe food coloring.

The kid scremed at him, threatened to stab him, punched him real good for harming his cat and took off with said cat to find Alfred so the older man could check on the poor kitten. Of course not beforeaking sure Tim was in an adequate amount of pain on the floor, with his 'injured' food secured to the floor with another knife. Only to return with a worried Alfred on tow to see Tim, standing two whole bare feet with a confused expression and a bag of cat treats in the hall.

Tim got a broken nose for it but it surely was worth it. Especially once he quietly whispered a 'no one will ever belief you' to the kid in passing. He might have traumatised the boy a little but Tim fought it justified for all the attempted murder he suffered.

#batman #batfam #tim drake #red robin #fic drabble #dick grayson #jason todd #damian wayne #crack fic #fanfiction #fic draft #brain fart

[burnt-pie-eater]

Funny Idea about the Indigo cast

So it's well known that Salem like to pull pranks on the gang, right? Well I had this crackfic spawn in my head where it was like:

Salem finds a Mario Party game (they've never heard of Nintendo or Sega) and hears the common joke about how it ruins friendships; so Salem gets the bright idea to drop the game on Rambleys' doorstep. Watching through a camera she put in Rambleys' living room (don't ask me how she put it there) she decides to get some snacks and enjoy the show.

About 25 minutes later Salem watches on in mortified silence as:

1 Finley is bawling his eyes out

2 Rambley and Lloyd get into a fistfight

3 Mollie is spewing every swear word and slur in existence

Salem decided to never do anything like this ever again

#indigo park #rambley the raccoon #mollie macaw #finley #lloyd the lion #salem the skunk #crack fic #haha funny idea #mario party #rambley indigo park #salem indigo park #mascot horror #shitpost

[that-nerd-who-writes-fanfiction]

I love the idea that Merlin adopted wild animals while he lived in Ealdor.

Everything is the same up until everyone goes to Ealdor in The Moment of Truth episode and Hunith has more animals around the house. Arthur is baffled when he sees and looks to Merlin for an explanation, but Merlin is just petting a raven on his shoulder asking if it missed him.

Hunith sighs and tells him his animals are all well. Arthur is just confused, so are Morgana and Gwen, but they’re going with it better than Arthur.

Hunith explains to a baffled Arthur that Merlin has a habit of adopting wild animals and says that he only started hiding them when she asked him to stop so it was easier to let him do what he wants so he’s open about it.

She’s telling Arthur that Merlin has:

There’s three rabbits Merlin keeps in a small fenced off bit of the garden, he found them as babies after Will killed their parents so he raised them.

An owl that lives on the roof, he found it with a broken wing and nursed it back to health then it just never left. It occasionally flies down to the window and keeps Hunith company while she’s in the house.

He keeps bees behind the house because the tree they had their hive on got cut down for firewood and he felt bad.

Two squirrels stop by every morning, they’re keeping a store of acorns in Hunith’s herb garden after Merlin started feeding them when they were young.

There’s a raven who Merlin trained to bring Hunith a flower a day in his absence after he found an egg and decided to try and hatch it.

She doesn’t finish the list, but it’s at that point that four wolves charge full speed at them, Arthur grabs his sword but Merlin drops to the ground and starts cuddling them like they’re puppies and asking in a baby voice if they missed him and if they’ve been good while he was away.

All the animals are fully self sufficient, they don’t add any work for Hunith so she’s happy to have them around for Merlin.

Morgana is having the time of her life and asks if she can pet the wolves, Gwen takes a liking to the raven who gives her flowers too. Arthur feels like he’s going insane but the owl seems to like perching on his shoulder while he’s sat by the fire in the evenings.

So most of the episode is the same, but when they get back to Camelot, Arthur tells Merlin he’s in charge of looking after his dogs and horses. Merlin grins and seems happier for it in the long run.

At some point after they return, Merlin starts adopting animals in Camelot too.

It starts small with a robin or something he found and rescued on a hunt, but he starts getting more and more animals. Arthur orders Gaius to let him do it, remembering what Hunith said about if Merlin wasn’t allowed he’d just do it anyway but in secret.

He then starts finding birds or rabbits in Merlin’s chambers, he draws the line at the snake but Merlin reluctantly agrees that’s fair since it was curled up in one of Arthur’s shoes that he took to polish over night.

Eventually Uther asks Arthur about it, but all he can say is “I don’t want to find him hiding squirrel houses in my chambers, so it’s better to just let him do it. At least he tells me when he’s adopted something this way.”

Then Merlin bursts in with a baby deer in his arms, saying “Arthur, I need a favour.”

#feral merlin #bbc merlin #merlin #merlin emrys #arthur pendragon #guinevere #morgana pendragon #good morgana #merlin bbc #headcanon #merlin fic idea #merthur #i’m bad at tagging #animals #fic ideas #crack fic

[fanaticsnail]

Why are you giving me this, Wire?

Hey Doc Masterlist here

Word Count: 880+

Synopsis: Wire hands you a small, cyllindrical object that has your curiosity peaked. It is not until he begins eating until you realise exactly what it is he's given you.

Warnings: surgical talk, mention of a food allergy, exhausted Doctor, grumpy doctor. gn!reader x platonic!Wire, undressing crewmates, medical administration, swearing.

Notes: This is brought to you by one of Australia's greatest comedy trios. The link is available here for Aunty Donna's skit. I was meant to be doing chores, but my hand slipped and now there's some more Kid-Pirate Doctor fic crack.

Tag List: @mfreedomstuff @daydreamer-in-training @sinning-23

“Hey Doc?” A smooth, warm baritone purred down at you from your position lining up for food in the mess hall, “I've got something for you.” 

Curiosity plagued your mind, prompting you to turn and view the taller member of the Kid-Pirates who loomed over your body with his great height. In his larger hand, he held out a small, cylindrical object and passed it to you without a further word. 

With brows furrowed, you turned the lengthy object in your hands and read the scrolled print on the exterior of the smooth surface. A small, blue cap was protruding from the end, a coiled blade hidden in the orange end of the barrel. Leaning closer, you sounded out the title aloud. 

“Epinephrine?” you quizzed him, looking up at Wire and darting your eyes around his posture, “Why are you giving me this, Wire?” His eyes moved from the tube to your face with a soft, playful smirk pulling at his cheeks. 

Looking down to Wire's ceramic plate, you noticed his amassment of crustaceans piled in a whopping heap in the center of the dish. Pursing your lips, your tone held a deep warning in your chastising words. 

“Wire,” you narrowed your eyes, looking to his plate and back to his mischievous gaze, “Are you allergic to shellfish?” His eyes twinkled, plucking a skewer with freshly charred shrimp and scallops dressed in chili butter and herbs. 

“Wire,” you tilted your head to the side, “Don't do it.” Your dark, hummed warning only seemed to spur him to draw it closer to his lips. 

“I swear, Wire,” you stepped closer, prompting him to retract his proximity and turn away from you, “If you're anaphylactic, I swear to the great sea-beasts, Wire.” His smirk widened, and his playful eyes never left yours. His mouth opened, his tongue darted out and flickered over the tantalizing skewer Killer had dotingly prepared for the crew. 

Placing your own plate down beside you, you attempted to jump to collect the shellfish from his hands a moment too late. His lips opened further, the shrimp and scallops passing into his lips and having him crunch on the juicy shell and swallow it whole. 

Humming in satisfaction at the flavor, he opened his mouth and began heartily shoving in crab flesh, lobster tail, pipis in curry broth, and fresh oysters with lime. 

“Oh, for fucks sake, Wire!” you growled at him, slamming your unoccupied fist on the cafeteria railing and reading the instructions on how to administer the epinephrine with the greatest success. 

“Remove blue safety cap without damaging the cartridge-... Fuck, Wire!” you began hastily reading, watching your crewmates face beginning to swell and turn purple. He was smiling and wincing all the way, swallowing another juicy scoop of lobster tail down his rapidly closing throat. 

“Swing and push orange tip against outer thigh with force and wait until you hear the click-... Wire, stop eating!” You roared, tugging off the blue cap and removing his belt to get better access to the muscle of his thigh. There was no way you could penetrate the thick leather pants with the small blade hidden within the barrel, prompting your rage to ignite further as you undressed your crewmate. 

“Hold for at least three seconds-. -Wire, put down the king-crab leg!” You managed to usher Killer in to aid you in your plight, who managed to pry away the delectable assortment of crustaceans on Wire’s plate and toss it to Kid. Your captain was not hiding his smile in the slightest, laughing as Wire threw him a swift ‘thumbs up’ and a rapidly swelling smile. 

Finally punching the epinephrine barrel into Wire’s bare thigh, he breathed in a heaping lungful of air and began to pant as his throat reopened. The swelling of his face went down after thirty seconds, the soft tears gathering in his eyes from the lack of oxygen did not take away your fury at him for making you puncture his skin as a balm for his stupidity. 

“Wire, what the fuck?” your barked growl prompted a laugh to rise from within the mess hall, the loudest was your captain's amongst them. “Happy with yourself?” Wire joined his crew with another hefty laugh, looking to Killer and clapping his hand over his shoulder. 

“Worth it,” he nodded in satisfaction before looking down into your eyes. He pinched your chin between his index finger and thumb, scrunching up his nose and teasing you with his gratitude, “Thanks, Doc. You're a lifesaver.”

You tugged your face away from his grip and turned back to your discarded meal. Huffing out an exasperated puff of breath, you shook your shoulders and returned back to reassembling your evening meal with your lips grimaced in agitation. As you sat down beside Killer at the table, you took a bite of the dish and immediately felt the tension and agitation leave you instantaneously. 

“Oh, fuck,” you moaned, bringing your palm up to your lips and chewed on the mouthful of shellfish. Sparing a glance at Wire, you hollowed your hand after swallowing and called over to him, “You were right, Wire. It is worth it.” 

Killer smirked beneath his mask, giving your shoulder a firm squeeze in thanks for your praise before he stood to begin tidying up the mess left behind by the crew.

#one piece #x reader #kid pirates #wire x reader #gn!reader #platonic fic #crack fic #op wire #kid pirate wire #platonic kid-pirate fic #one piece drabble

[silvyadrakkon]

Why Lyssa Always Wears Vests and Ties

Page 1

Page 2

Alternate title: Why Lyssa Should Prolly Stop Wearing Vests and Ties

For many reasons.

The “Post Now” on my poll won out by about three people, but I finished the second page sooner than I thought I would. So everyone can be happy.

I’m trying to remember why this dumb scene popped into my head. Maybe it’s because I was trying to rationalize why my girly is always wearing her vest when many of the other MCs forgo them. (The real reason she wears it is because I like drawing it lol.) Like Lyssa, I live for hand-me-downs, but hand-me-downs are often a little worn by the time I get to them. I lose so many buttons.

Alternate ending bonus panel if Lyssa had been wearing her vest and tie.

I flipping hated Ashwinder/Poacher Soldiers in particular. Executioners were annoying, but at least you could kind of ignore them for a minute. Soldiers were always. Getting. In. THE. WAY!!! Wasted so many scout-intended purple spells on them.

#I’m going to get really good at drawing chickens #what a dumb thing to be good at drawing #hogwarts legacy #hogwarts legacy mc #hogwarts oc #hogwarts legacy fanart #slytherin #alyssabeth edwards #hogwarts legacy oc #lyssa edwards #comic #comics #short comic #crack fic #ashwinders #attempted kidnapping #chicken #open shirt

[sleep-drunk-kitten]

𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐯𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐲 𝐧𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐥 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐝𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐞𝐬 | 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞

pairing: enhypen x fem!reader

genre: crack, fluff, isekai!au, royalty!au

content warnings: slight allusion to suicidal thoughts, swearing, reader is anxious about the possibility of being killed

summary: after dying in a freak accident involving a suspiciously familiar white and blue truck, y/n wakes to find herself in the body of a petty side villain from a romance fantasy novel, doomed to die at the hands of her own fiance.

notes: I'm terrible at summaries but the girlies who get it get it!! This short series is going to be a very lighthearted parody of your typical romance isekai manhwa🤭with all the usual shenanigans and tropes that typically follow! I hope you all enjoy~

I will be making a taglist for this fic, so if you're interested in being added please either drop an ask or let me know in the comments

Everything after the cut IS proofread for once, but please feel free to let me know if any typos slipped through the cracks!

₊˚ ‿︵‿︵‿︵୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˚₊

  “Let's go over this one more time,” you say, pacing back and forth, shivering as your feet press into cold marble.

  “You said that five rehashes ago babe,” your best friend whines, head lolling over the side of your bed, “I think we get the plot, a bunch of Very Hot men all want you dead because you're sexy and you don't get along with their needy pick me girlfriend.”

  “That- well I mean yeah,” you sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose, “but that's not the point, Sun, the point is that we need to figure out how to make sure I, y'know, don't fucking die?!” 

  Sunoo groans, his silky black pyjamas blending into your tangled sheets so they cascade around him in an inky puddle when he slides closer to the floor. “The Princess was a bitch, a mean grumpy little thot, just don't be a hoe, avoid the Hot Men, and you should be fine- yah! What's with the face!-”

  Expression pressed somewhere between exasperation and disgust, you shake your head at him. 

  “You've clearly never read an isekai manhwa, you can’t just run away from the plot, it holds onto you like a clingy stalker ex… sometimes as a clingy stalker ex.”

  “So? Just… stick with plan Don’t Be A Thot?” he pauses for a moment before a shit eating grin spreads across his face, and you preemptively snag a pillow off the loveseat beside you. “It'll be hard to pretend to be something you're not but I'm sure you can do it!” 

  And there it is. 

  With well-practised precision, the embroidered cushion lands squarely in his face. 

  “This is my life on the line here Kim Sunoo! Could you take it seriously for just two seconds?”

  Against your will, your eyes begin to sting with tears, limbs already growing restless in the few moments you've been standing still, fatigue and fear battling under your skin. 

  You hadn't slept peacefully in over three weeks. Your mind refusing to shut down of its own volition since you'd woken up in the room you now paced in, in the body you now paced in. 

  For the first four days, you were insane. 

  Screaming and pleading with a man who claimed to be your father, confused by the sorrow in his eyes and the tenderness in his hands as he prevented you from leaving your room.

  Babbling through tears to the maids who filtered in and out, telling them that the title they were calling you by was not your own.

  Curled into a corner of a closet, trying and failing to steady your breathing as you slowly came to terms with the fact that this was really happening. 

  You'd been truck-kun-ed clean out of the life you'd known. 

  Despair followed. 

  Hopeless, hollow grief when you realised what your name in this particular world might mean. 

  Princess y/n l/n. 

  Spoiled and arrogant daughter of the Duke.

  A side villain of little significance set to die for the sake of the female lead. 

  Set to die.

  You'd laughed when it hit you. The one thing you'd wanted more than anything in your previous life was being handed to you on a silver platter. How fortuitous. 

  It wasn’t until the eighth day, when you'd resigned yourself to your fate, that Sunoo came crashing through the large oak doors that were usually locked to keep you in, raised voices and a stamped of footsteps following behind him. 

  “SHE'S MY FRIEND I CAN SEE HER WHENEVER THE HELL I WANT,” he’d shouted. 

  Slamming your doors shut as he turned to face you. 

  He was the one who'd been running, face flushed, chest rising and falling rapidly. But it felt like you were the one catching your breath, heart pounding in your ears. 

  “Sunoo?...” his name was barely a whisper on your lips.

  “(y/n),” relief flooded his features, “you're here.”

  He stumbled towards you, pulling you into his chest, body shaking as he held you so tight you could barely breathe. 

  “You're here you're here you're here-” he babbled, tears soaking through your clothes. 

  It took a long time to console him, and longer still for you to believe that he was there, puffy face squished between your shaking hands. 

  You remembered he'd been walking with you when the accident happened, his smiling face frozen in time when the headlights rushed closer. But you'd thought he survived. You didn't imagine for a second that he'd somehow landed in the same world as you. 

  That he'd be just as annoying in this world as he was in the last.

  “Okay okay, I'm sorry,” he says in the present, standing and dragging your blankets with him, “I was trying to lighten things up, you've been stressing about this too much, I’m worried.”

  And when he waddles next to you and wraps you in a hug, you know you wouldn't trade his annoying ass for anything. Sunoo was the reason you were trying to find a way to survive this in the first place. Without him, you knew you would've probably gone with the flow of the story, allowing the gallows to take you. 

  “I'm not stressing.”

  “Sweetie, you have a whole conspiracy theory board pinned into what I think is a very valuable painting of your grandfather.”

  “Touchè.”

  You both turn to look at said board, a mess of string and poorly sketched portraits pinned to a painting of a grumpy looking old man on a white horse. “Remind me again who's who, I think I have the gay prince mixed up with the emo soldier boy.”

  You smile, rolling your eyes, knowing full well he has no trouble remembering the character’s you’d told him about at least a dozen times. 

  “This one,” you say, pointing to an angular stick figure with a crown surrounded by sparkles, “is the crown prince who I'm engaged to because of fuckin’ course.”

  Sunoo nods, “Of fuckin’ course.”

  “The buff one is the knight I hire to kidnap the female lead when I think his royal highness has a thing for her, except knightey over here has a conscience and thinks the female lead is too pure and sweet to kidnap or whatever and ends up vowing to protect her or something.”

  “You'd think someone with a conscience would have the decency to do a job if they had the audacity to take money for it, I mean he had no issue kidnapping a chick before he had the hots for her, that's kinda gross.”

  “When you put it like that… anyway, the last two are a priest who wants her for her divine powers blah blah blah and the crown prince's illegitimate little brother.”

  “His brother?” 

  “Yeaaa…”

  “There’s other fish in the sea my man…” he says, giving the second crowned stick figure a sympathetic little pat. “So of the lot, who's the biggest threat?”

  “My fiance…”

  “No matter what we decide to do, you gotta dump the guy right?”

  “Yes,” you say, confidence creeping into your voice. “There are a lot of variables, I've read enough of these things to know that 90% of the time they get kinda weird about their fiances when they dump them, but it's gotta be done.” 

  “Then we start there, the rest of this nonsense can't be figured out till it happens.”

  He waves a hand at the other coloured threads linking squares of paper with possible outcomes and scenarios scribbled over them.

  “That's true…” you breathe, brows furrowed, eyes darting across the board.

  Sunoo’s lips curl into a slight pout when he sees you slipping back into the agitated state he’d been trying to coax you out of for the past fortnight. If he were being completely honest with you, he doesn’t believe in all this isekai nonsense, sure that if you simply avoid the plot you could easily live out your lives as a wealthy nobles without much trouble, but he knows that there isn’t much point in arguing with you. No, the best way to look out for you would be to support you as he’d always done, to have your back in this world the same way he had in the last, even if he thought you were being ridiculous.  

With a sigh, Sunoo presses a thumb into the crease between your eyes, distracting you from the painting of your grandfather, holding back a smile at the way your nose scrunches in annoyance.

  “Stop worrying,” he says, smoothing over the spot a few times before planting a kiss on your forehead, “whatever happens, we'll handle it together, okay?”

  “...Okay,” you breathe, resting your forehead on his shoulder.

  He presses a kiss to the top of your head, arms encircling your waist, the warm pressure of his presence surrounding you comforting. The one constant that had followed you into this life. “Plus, we’re early, aren’t we? The plot of your novel doesn’t start for…”

  “Another year,” you sigh, “It all starts in their second year at the royal academy, when the female lead shows up as a transfer from the land they were at war with till a while ago… a show of peace or something once it’s all over.” 

  “We have time… you’ll be just fine babe, he says. “Plus, you keep worrying about them killing you, but don't they always end up falling in love with the dimension yeeted villainess in those comics?”

  You scoff, pulling away. “I highly doubt that's possible Sunoo, I'm not the main villainess, I'm just a random side character.”

  “A gorgeous, quick witted, adorable little random side character with an amazing sense of humour and such a big brain that she chooses to use for the dumbest things-”

  “Sunoo!” you laugh, plucking another cushion off your couch to throw at him. 

  There was absolutely no way.

  …

  Right?

#kiki writes things ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ #surviving a romance fantasy novel for dummies #enhypen #enhypen x reader #crack fic #fluff #enhypen royalty au #royalty au #isekai au #enhypen heeseung #heeseung x reader #enhypen sunghoon #sunghoon x reader #enhypen jake #jake x reader #enhypen sunoo #sunoo x reader #enhypen jungwon #jungwon x reader #enhypen niki #niki x reader #park sunghoon #lee heeseung #sim jaehyun #park jongseong #kim sunoo #yang jungwon #nishimura riki

[jackyandjackster]

Child au ideas

ut multiverse ideas ❤️

Wild Imagination

What if the multiverse is one big lie and was just a made up story by a bunch of childrens? Seems like a stretch but think about it, children have such wild Imagination and most of their stories come up of ethereal beings, magics, god just fantasy on an another level. This multiverse is specifically just a story made up by childrens, well child version's of the Main characters of course, the side characters are mostly just distant relatives, friends or just made up character that doesn't show up often. Character relationship & age Nightmare (Looks like passive) (Acts as corrupted Nightmare, King of negativity/and drama) age:8 *Dream's twin brother *Loves drama, very dramatic so he chose to be a villain *Loves fantasy story books * 'Big' brother Dream (Acts as the positive guardian) Age:8 *Night's twin brother *Loves hero stories *Loves cartoons *Often quarrels with twin brother but just light hearted and normal children quarrels. * 'younger' brother *Chose nightmare to be the 'big' brother Blueberry (Acts as Swap) Age:6 *Very honest and obedient *Lives Mexican food because he grew up in a Mexican family. *Has a brother named Honeycomb/Honey. (his papyrus's name) *Loves anime (influenced by Cross) *Loves cooking and play cook *Wants to be a Royal guard some day *Loves Knight in shining armor stories (same with Cross) *Besties with Ink, Dream, Cross and Rosie (Lust's name) *Cross's cousin Ink (Acts as protector of worlds) Age:7 *Loves drawing/painting but isn't allowed to paint because he's very messy *Loves Error (platonic) *Loves making friends *Loves kid's younger than him because he's an only child and wants a younger sibling. *Wants to play with Error a lot, often seen with him. *He's a cry baby when it comes to his stuff breaking or going wrong.reason why he quarrels with Error so much because Error is very clumsy and is a child and breaks Ink's stuff. Error (Acts as destroyer) Age:5 *Child *Does child stuff *Very clumsy and often breaks toys or paper *Slow learner *Probably autistic(?) *his brother's are Geno and Fresh *The only toys that survived his destructive baby hands are stuff toys. Geno (acts whatever he needs to be) Age:10 *Loves his brother's *Quite sickly but nothing deadly, like getting hospitalized 2-3 times a year and prone to fever. *Takes great care of his brother's *Has a crush on reaper (optional) *Very protective and caring Fresh (acts as the 'Parasite') Age:8 *Likes annoying Error *Loves his brother's *Very annoying *Tends to prank the kid's (reason why he's the parasite in the story) Killer (Acts as Nightmare's right hand man) Age:7 *Likes messing around and annoying people *Adhd kid *Very loud and confusing *Nightmare's best friend Horror: (acts as Nightmare's gang member) age:9 *Very sensitive to sound *Loves eating and sweets *probably broke a tooth because of it *Got into an accident when he was 6 and broke a part of his skull (not very big but big enough damage that it couldn't be healed) *Has SPD and Autism *Dust's big brother *Probably wearing a headset Dust (acts as a member of Nightmare's gang) Age:8 *Very silent *always sticks to Horror *Actually responsible *Very protective of his big brother *Loves playing with his friends Cross (Acts as someone who can't decide which side he's on) Age:7 *Always changing side because he can't decide and Dream and Nightmare doesn't care about it. *Loves chocolate, actually lost a tooth because of it (sneaking some sweets into bed and not brushing his teeth) *has a Brother named Apryx (his papyrus's name, age:11) *Loves knight stuff, swords or something similar to a soldier. Knight in shining armor type of fan. *Loves anime! (Influenced by his brother) *Swap's Cousin (add whatever ┐⁠(⁠´⁠ー⁠｀⁠)⁠┌ )

Child of chaos

Error sans as a kid! Ink was excited, after decades of boredom the destroyer was fated to be created soon and he knows it! finally an enemy and entertainment! but when Ink realized that his enemy was a kid he wasn't sure anymore. The child destroyer was probably from one of those child ver. of aftertale that had played around with dt and no clip through reality and get thrown in the anti void, just like any other Error. Ink decided to just adopt him, it's kinda unfair to be fighting with a kid y'know? (Similar to G!Ink and G!Error story)

Surprise you're adopted!

Ink was supposed to be soulless but what if Ink, the creator was born a god with no world? he has a soul, he has feelings, he only needs his paints to strengthen himself when he's low on magic or for emergencies. at first he created so many worlds, so many possibilities but as decades came by he soon grew bored. When the multiverse reached their limit and the god of destruction came to destroy a couple of worlds he didn't bother saving any of it. He knows it's the other god's job and didn't wanna make the other's life hell. He doesn't play hero, he doesn't show up either, only core knows he exist and promised not to tell anybody. he doesn't even show up to the infamous destroyer. when dreamtale came that's when he intervened, maybe it's because unlike him and Error, they were just guardians and kids, they have a childhood, they could have a proper childhood. so what did he do? nothing, because he can't, Dreamtale isn't his, he can do nothing about it, but he can intervene once it's script was all finished, when Nightmare finally got corrupted and Dream became stone he took the stone child to his doodle sphere and set to capture the corrupted monster child while the kid is still in stone. It took decades but when Nightmare stopped being an insane idiot running around ruining timelines he was surprised adopted by Ink, Dream came out of stone yadda yadda yadda it's all good, they slowly became brother's again, btw Error's an uncle now and somehow the supposed gang became baby sitters.

(I need more Ink parent au's)

Too relatable (Not a Child au but an alternate version of Surprise you're adopted)

An alternate version of 'Surprise you're adopted'. Ink born god of creation was a cheerful and energetic creator decades ago, creating different worlds, the destroyer came when the multiverse reached it's limit due to an accident of creative spree, Ink didn't intervene and decided to befriend the destroyer, it was rough at first and rather violent but slowly but surely they became best friends (Error would never admit it).

Prince of darkness

After the corruption in which Nightmare regains sanity he wanders in the multiverse, he's as tall as a regular sans and grumpy most of the time, he's more like a teenager trying to act cool and scary. he finds his 'gang' along the way in which they know he's the youngest out of all of them and decided to spoil the crap out of him.

#sans au #crack fic #undertale #dream sans #dreamtale #error sans #my au #ink sans #nightmare sans #sans the skeleton #alternate universe #undertale multiverse #kid fic #children #idk how to tag this

[wenutted]

Lyney & Sibling!Reader (ft. Lynette & Freminet)

Based on this silly ask, albeit a little bit different, requested by @s7vend33znots

Recipe used when reader was cooking by Morikitchen

[Warnings]: Consumption of non-food items,

—————

-> You hate Lyney's signature dish. Always have, always will.

The chewy, gummy texture of each fruit flavored cube makes you want to puke, and the abundance of sugar just makes it so much worse.

And, despite making your distaste for the dish known, Lyney insists on always making it for you. The cheeky boy seems to find it funny.

After years of this sickeningly sweet torture, you finally decide to have your revenge.

—————

-> You shred each card into hundreds of tiny pieces before throwing them all into the sliced fruit and blending it all.

"Are you sure that's safe to eat, cher frère?" Lynette asks, pacing around the kitchen worriedly. You merely shrug, turning on the stove and pouring your paper-juice concoctions each into separate pots.

The counter tops rumble slightly as the stove groans, and Freminet practically jumps across the kitchen table, reaching for his wrench, before the machinery goes quiet again.

No tea theft today.

—————

-> "Bon appétit!" You announce, grinning as you set a few plates down. You ensure that the jelly cubes sit front and center, clearly catching your older brother's attention.

"Mon très cher frère! You made my signature dish!" He exclaims, eyes wide.

"You bet! I slaved away for hours, just to master this bad boy~" you gently push the plate closer to Lyney, grinning proudly. It wasn't necessarily a lie— you take take quite a while trying to figure out how to make that damned rubik's cube.

The magician quickly pierces one of the cubes with a fork and takes a big bite. Lyney can taste the odd texture and the strange chunks inside of the sweetened squares, but he dares not complain. After all, you probably just didn't boil some of the fruits completely. You were never the best at baking, after all.

"It tastes fantastique!" He beams, oblivious to your smug expression.

Poor Lyney ends up eating the entire thing after dinner.

—————

-> The next morning you awake to Lyney screaming bloody murder, scrambling around the hotel and rummaging through every drawer, pile, and clutter imaginable.

"Where the hell are my magic cards?!" Your dearest brother practically shrieks, panicked.

You can only send a grin towards Lynette as she sighs in exasperation, shoveling some mora out of her pockets.

"Whatever, it isn't that important. Let's just buy new ones," She groans, sick and tired of your spite fueled mischief.

—————

Translations: "cher frère" = "my sibling", "bon appétit" = "enjoy your meal", "mon très cher frère" = "my dearest sibling", "fantastique" = "fantastic"

#genshin impact #genshin x reader #platonic #x reader #fontaine #lyney x reader #lyney and lynette #genshin lynette #genshin lyney #house of the hearth #freminet genshin #Lyney & reader #gn reader #crack fic #Crack #wenut wenut wenut

[aladaylessecondblog]

funny waffle house au concept: nerevar's ghost exists solely to give sadara bad ideas she won't follow through on. she hears a voice in her ear at work going "i think you should baby trap the sharmat :)" and sadara starts flipping out wondering if she's going crazy. or if an ordinator is snippy with her a voice in her ear just goes "you should smash his face into the table right now. rip that mask off and break his nose". because i dont think she's suffering enough

this universe was supposed to be nicer to her lol

But the idea of Nerevar in her ear encouraging that stuff is funny. Especially since the thirst posting bribery shit is about to kick off. Nerevar seeing this and going yo...yo, hit it. Just...rock his world. Come on.

And hitting the ordinators because he's creeped out by them. And probably angry too idk

#dagoth ur #nerevarine #fanfiction #crack fic #morrowind

[tumblingdownthefoxden]

HEAR ME OUT

Here me out here please

These 4

On a double date

@annymation @signed-sapphire @wings-of-sapphire @oh-shtars @uva124 @peapeapeapa @thisnameisnotspokenfor @kstarsarts @chillwildwave @rascalentertainments @spectator-zee

What would happen?

#wish fandom #According to one's version of the evil duo #would Magama be put off by Surtr and Nyra conducting slavery or would they ask for advice #wish au #wish 2023 #crackship #crack fic #owls of ga'hoole #legend of the guardians #owls #villain couple #power couple #at least we have one villain couple in a canon

[sailorsenshishitposter]

Ryoumen Sukuna x Reader

⚠️ Warning for cannibalism I guess? But if you're reading this then you already expected that.

Ryoumen Sukuna:

Your favorite movie is Sweeny Tod, you would let a serial killer step on you if they were hot or you're secretly Yorozu. You make Gojo stans look like saints.

First Date:

You reach the next village only to see corpses laid to waste admist a pit of fire. You walk through an ocean of blood and notice that some of the bodies have giant teeth marks gouged into their flesh. "What the hell!?" You descend further. Were those voiced you heard? "How could anyone survive this carnage?" You kept moving closer until you could make out two figures engulfed by smoke. You then scurried to a tree and hid behind it while you watched.

There was a monk? Were they cooking? But what could they be eating if there's nothing around? Then it dawned on you. You resisted the urge to vomit. You then took another peek. You then felt your heart throb as you gazed at the handsome creature ahead of you. "I can't believe I found God..." You then took note of his for eyes. For some reason you weren't scared. "All the better to see me with..." Then you noticed the four arms. "All the better to hold me with..." You began to wonder if he had extra body parts elsewhere. You then shook your head. "I need this man!"

Sukuna was eating roasted torso a la Urame when he heard what sounded like an irritating mosquito. He was only partially wrong. There was another whiney human running towards him. "Another fight? I just started eating..." He then put down his bowl of blood broth. He was prepared to flick you into outer space with his claws but then you did something unexpected. "What is this!?"

There you were on the ground, kneeling. "PLEASE STEP ON ME, MY LORD!" Uraume then gave a disgusted look as they were already kink shaming you. You then looked into their eyes. "PLEASE! I'M NOT LIKE THE OTHER GIRLS! I CAN CHANGE HIM! HE JUST NEEDS MY LOVE-" Sadly you never had a chance to finish your sentence. The man in front of you began splitting you apart (not the way you wished) as he activated world slash. You fell over and began to fade out. Before you lost consciousness, you were grabbed by your hair.

"Why can't you be happy with just being normal?" You tried to speak but only blood came out. Sukuna then dropped you to the ground. "Pathetic... Love is worthless. Never forget that." He then kicked your corpse out of his sight. "Come, Uraume. Let us take leave." The monk then gathered all the clean bones and constructed them into a vehicle. Uraume and Sukuna then peddled their feet and drove away like in the Flinstones opening.

#shitpost #cursed #crack fic #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk sukuna #sukuna #ryomen sukuna #jjk x reader #jjk x you #heian sukuna #heian era #sukuna ryomen #urame #tw cannibalism #tw death #You get kink shamed by Uraume #love is worthless #Sukuna simps need to be sprayed with holy water #sukuna simp #Can't wait for the hate I'm about to get #sukuna and uraume use bones to make a car and get away Flintstone style

[thespencerzone]

Jackie Lynn Thomas x Timmy Mcnaughton

#kevin spencer #kevinspencer #kevin spencer art #kevin spencer fanart #ks #timmy mcnaughton #star vs the forces of evil #star vs foe #star vs evil #svtfoe #jackie lynn thomas #crackship #crack fic #fanart #digital illustration #digital fanart #digital art #digital drawing #illust #illustration #<3 #kevstar #Spencer fly #timkie

[wileycap]

Selected Excerpts From The Fire Nation Royal Palace Servants' (Unofficial) Handbook

Or: Revisions To Normal Protocol After The Ascension Of Agni's Exalted Flame, The Dragon Of The Sun, et cetera, Fire Lord Zuko

1. Agni's Exalted Flame, The Dragon Of The Sun, et cetera, Fire Lord Zuko should not be referred to by his full titles and styles, no matter the context. This appears to annoy him. "Fire Lord Zuko" and "Lord Zuko" are acceptable, as well as "your majesty" and "my Lord".

1.1 "Lord Hotman", however, is unacceptable.

1.2. Even if the Avatar specifically requests you to address Fire Lord Zuko as that.

1.3. In fact, any attempts by the Avatar, the Lady Beifong, the honorable Tribesman Sokka or even Master Katara to get you to address Fire Lord Zuko by anything other than his proper title should be disregarded.

1.4. Referring to Ozai of the Fire Nation (titles rmvd, dishon.) as "The Loser Lord", however, is acceptable.

2. Fire Lord Zuko is aware of the concept of mortality, but does not seem to understand how it relates to His Majesty. Following activities should be discouraged: Free climbing, glider usage, contact with exotic animals larger than a turtleduck (or smaller, if the animal is known to be venomous), amateur theatre productions, cooking, sailing, spelunking, botany, please see full list in the Matron's office.

2.1. It should be noted that His Majesty's belief that mortality does not apply to him does not appear to be completely unfounded. After several "close calls", it has been decided that upon his demise, Fire Lord Zuko should lie in state for at least two weeks.

2.1.1. We do not want another incident.

3. The turtleducks in the Western Pond do not need to be fed by the servants any more.

3.1. However, the turtleducks should be rotated out at regular intervals in order to prevent overfeeding.

4. At any official social functions, at least three servants should be vigilant in case His Majesty tries to tell a joke.

4.1. It should be noted that there is no concern for His Majesty's jokes being offensive, crass or otherwise contrary to good taste. They are simply very bad. His Majesty always ends up embarrassed.

5. Any children left unattended in the Royal Palace for more than 15 degrees can be retrieved from the Fire Lord's office.

6. Should His Majesty go missing, the following places should be searched: roofs and any high places, cellars and secret passages, the fur of the Avatar's sky bison (which is surprisingly deep), and every place that an ordinary five-year-old would think to hide in during a game of "Hide and Explode."

6.1. All of the Imperial Firebenders as well as any soldier who wears a mask during the course of their duties should be questioned.

6.1.1. Important note: Some of the soldiers who are especially close to His Majesty can perform a passable imitation of him. Efforts should be made to prevent an uneducated soldier from, say, conducting a meeting with the Minister of Agriculture.

6.2. After the recent incident, that list is expanded to include the Kyoshi Warriors and any other groups that might wear concealing full face paint.

6.3. If all of these measures prove ineffective, a letter should be sent to The Dragon of the West, Prince Iroh, asking His Highness to return His Majesty.

6.4. If a ransom note is delivered, it should be immediately checked against the handwriting samples from the honorable Tribesman Sokka as well as Avatar Aang, before any other actions are taken.

6.4.1. Replying "Good luck, he's your problem now" to a ransom note is absolutely unacceptable.

6.4.1.1. To further drive home the point, the Royal Archives are required by law to preserve every single piece of royal correspondence. That thing will end up in a museum.

This handbook will be updated should it prove necessary.

#atla #atla zuko #atla aang #avatar aang #avatar the last airbender #atla spoilers #zuko #atla fic #crack fic #fire nation #sokka #fire nation palace servants' handbook

[fangirl-dot-com]

🚕Accidentally Kidnapping a Mafia Boss

*part of the reverse tropes series*

Pairing: MafiaBoss!Max Verstappen x UberDriver!Reader Genre: Crack/Humor/Fluff? Summary: Uber seemed like a brilliant plan to get money to buy a new car. However, a mistake has you picking up the wrong passenger. Pretty blue eyes turn dangerous when you notice the gun in his belt.

*this was actually so much fun to write! this is in no way dark whatsoever. it's super funny and the reader is pretty ditzy but it's all in good fun! hope you like it!*

TAG LIST CLOSED

You hummed to whatever tune was playing on your half-broken radio. Most of the lyrics came out as muffled voices, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. Because like the radio, your car was almost dead. 

Key word being almost. 

You had bought the car at the beginning of your high school career and refused to give it up. But, your father had finally convinced you to buy a new one. However, buying a new car was expensive, hence why you were driving around town at 7 p.m. on a Friday night trying to find someone who needed an Uber. 

Your family had mentioned how dangerous it was to drive for the “taxi” company, but no one else was hiring at this time. 

“It’s an easy way to make bank,” you had told your very confused parents. 

Your hand came up and smacked the top of the dash, causing the radio to spam for a moment before finally, clear voices played out. However, your eyebrows furrowed once you could actually listen to the song. 

“This is not my playlist,” you muttered while trying to get your Bluetooth to come back on. Once your fingers reached the dials, your phone lit up with an Uber notification. 

“Finally.”

You quickly put in the address and drove down the street. Your humming resumed, playlist reaching out through the speaker. You hadn’t even glanced at where the location was, or you would have realized that you were going in the wrong direction. 

When you were supposed to be going further into the town, you were headed for the city. The only place your parents refused to let you drive. 

It might have to do with the local mafia war that was going on. Something about track limits or whatnot. However, that was not going to stop you from getting paid that night. 

You finally came to a stop at the corner of what you thought to be Fifth and Main, like your phone said to stop at. The actual corner was Fourth and Main, but you couldn’t tell because half of the word “fourth” was smudged with some type of brown substance. 

Your shoulders raised in a shrug while your gaze landed back on your phone. At least you were supposed to be picking up a nice older looking lady. That’s what your Uber app said anyway. You leaned forward in the driver’s seat, making the entire car squeak. Before you knew it, your fingers had started to tap along to the song that was still playing. 

The sound of the door opening and slamming shut caught your attention. 

“Drive!” you heard from behind you. 

Your entire body turned in the seat as you looked to the back row of your car. 

That was not a nice looking old lady. 

The man that now resided on the back road had a mean glare as his eyebrows cocked. Sea blue eyes met your own as the man leaned forward and pointed out the window. 

“I said drive, let’s go!” the accented voice yelled.  

If you had taken a moment to actually look at the man, you would have noticed his roughed up suit, along with the bright red splatters along his white dress shirt. And on his belt line, a gun seemed to be tucked. 

But you hadn’t noticed. 

“Yes sir!” you cheerfully said, putting the car into drive. A loud boom sounded outside the car, but your radio had decided to turn up full blast, masking the sound. Your car squeaked as it started to move away from the corner and farther along the road. 

The man in the back seat seemed agitated, but slowly relaxed the farther away you got on the highway. He had leaned back against the window and rubbed his eyes. You wanted to keep glancing back at him, but you needed to drive. When you noticed that the Uber app had not updated with his next location, you gathered the courage to speak. However, he beat you to it. 

“Is this your first time?” 

You sheepishly grinned back at him. “Yes, sir. Sorry, is it that noticeable?” 

A grunt escaped his lips. 

“The damn Get Away Car sticker on the back is not very inconspicuous. You need to get rid of it.” 

“Oh! So you don’t like Taylor Swift that much?” 

The man glared at you through the rearview mirror, before he shut his eyes. His hand waved at you through the gap between the front seats. 

“Just don’t miss the exit.” 

“Sir, you’ll need to put in your location first.” 

His eyes shot open. “I guess this is your first day. How did you ever get through training?” 

You glanced back. “Training? It was all online?” 

A huff only answered as he reached for what you hoped was a phone in his pocket. 

“I’ll have to let Lando know that online training will not work.” 

You let out a nervous giggle, noting that there was no “Lando” in the Uber training video. But, once again, the money promised kept you going down the highway. You kept glancing at your phone, hoping that the guy would just put his address in. Now you were getting annoyed.

“Sir, I really need the address or I’ll have to make you get out.” 

A click near your ear made you freeze. 

“Who do you think you are? Giving orders to de Leeuw.” 

You had definitely picked up the wrong person. You wanted to start explaining yourself, but the gun near your head made the words die out in your throat. You could feel his breath on your ear as he spoke. This would be hot, if you weren’t scared to lose your life. 

“Now, you’re going to tell me who you are and why you don’t know where the right exit is. Are you working for Hamilton? Vettel? Alonso?” 

You were so caught up in not wanting to die that you missed the car in front of you slamming on your breaks. You were thankful for your fast reflexes as your foot pressed down on the left pedal, making your car lurch to a halt. A thump on the back of your seat had you reeling around to see what had happened to the blond man. 

You were surprised to see him now sprawled on the back seats, eyes closed and gun now on the floor. Your hands were shaking as you were now able to take a random exit. When you got to a random parking lot, your head hit the steering wheel. 

“I have de Leeuw in my back seat.” 

Your breathing started to grow ragged. 

“I have  de Leeuw in my back seat!” 

You were now panicking. 

“I HAVE AN FUCKING UNCONSCIOUS MAFIA BOSS IN MY BACK SEAT!” 

Charles’s eyebrows furrowed as he watched Max’s tracker come to a stop in a parking lot. The Dutchman was supposed to come back right away after a swift deal with Gasly on the other side of town. But, Charles’s heart had dropped when the car, that Max was supposedly in, turned at an exit too soon. He took off his headset and rolled his chair over a bit. 

“Lando, who was picking Max up today after the deal? Was it Carlos?” 

The curly-haired Briton spun in his seat to look at his fellow mafia worker. 

“Uh, Carlos called in sick. I thought it was Oscar’s turn?” 

Something felt weird in Charles’s stomach. 

“No, Oscar is on that mission? Daniel was then after Oscar.” 

Lando’s eyes widened with fear. “Daniel is out of the country.” 

The Monegasque turned back to his computer screen. All vitals for Max were still good, but he had yet to leave the location. His finger pointed and pressed against the screen. 

“Then . . . who has Max?” 

Back in the parking lot, you had gotten out of the car and were currently rocking back and forth in the fetal position. 

“This is not happening. Why did this happen to me? I only needed some money. Why did I get stuck with a mafia boss. I want to live. I need to get back home to my plant and cat.” 

Last time you checked, de Leeuw was still out cold. You had taken the gun just in case he woke up in a panic and started to shoot at stuff. That would not end well for you. You grabbed your phone and pushed a button. 

“Yes? Hi? Hello, I am calling about what to do if I picked up the wrong passenger. Uh-huh. Yes. I didn’t have his address. Well, no. He’s unconscious. I can’t call the police, he probably owns them. What? Ok. No? The hospital is under the law as well? Yep. I can’t just take him back! No, wait. Don’t hang up. Uhg.” 

So much for customer service. 

You stuffed your phone back into your pocket. Your feet took you over to your car, and you opened the back seat. The blond man was still looked like he was asleep. Your face got closer to his. 

Hm. Up close he was quite handsome. The freckle on his lip really added bonus points. You were so engrossed with the small dot that you missed the twitch of his eyes under his eyelids. When you looked back up, your eyes met blue, which made you shriek and fall back on your butt. 

Max was a bit out of it when he was trying to wake up. What he wasn’t expecting was a face to be so close to his when his eyes finally opened. He would laugh if he had the strength as he watched you fall onto the concrete. His hand immediately went to his belt, but his heart dropped when he didn’t feel his gun. 

“Looking for this?” you asked, gun outstretched at the man in your back seat. Max’s eyes widened at the gun pointed to his head. It took all of his strength to put his hands up. 

“You don’t want to do this,” is the first calm thing that the man said to you. You, however, kept the gun pointed directly at him. 

“You’re right, I don’t. But I can’t have you freak out on me and shoot my face. Who would take care of my cat back home? My cousin Lan could, but he kills everything.” 

Max registered the slight hitch in your voice. While his hands were still up, he took a moment to look around the parking lot. In the depths of his mind, he was hoping that Lando or at least Charles were on their way to come get him. Yet, his heart rate rose as he saw a few familiar things surrounding him. 

He turned back to you. “Ok, you need to listen to me. We are in Rosberg territory right now. And he’s not going to like us on his property. So, you need to give me the gun and get back into the car.” 

Your eyes flickered around, and caught some movement to the left and then to the right. You slowly inched the gun down as you walked closer. When you were right in front of the Dutchman, you quickly handed him the gun as you rounded the car to the drivers seat. 

Max quickly reloaded the unloaded gun with a smirk on his face. You couldn’t have shot him if you tried. It took a bit for him to do it, but when the magazine fit back in the gun, he was wondering why you hadn’t taken off yet. 

“We have to go, now,” he said sternly. 

You turned around. “But I need to find a good get-away-song.” 

Max could count the pout on your lips as adorable, if it weren’t for the fact that Rosberg’s men were quickly making their way to the car. 

“You’re going to have to pick a good funeral song if you don’t hit the gas pedal.” 

“Aha!” 

The music blared out of the broken speaker as you finally put the car into drive. You heard metal hit metal and prayed that you still could trade your car out for another (even with a few bullet holes). 

Max had pressed himself up against the back seat, gun cocked and ready. 

“You better not shoot out my back window. I have to trade this car for a new one.” 

Max muttered, “You won’t trade anything if you’re dead.” 

“I heard that!” 

The mafia boss ignored you as he kept watch. When a few cars started to gain, that’s when he leaned back and aimed the gun, firing shots through your back windshield, shattering the glass. 

“Do you listen to anyone? Or is my voice just static in your brain?” you asked as you swerved onto the highway. When Max didn’t answer, you huffed. You steadily drove your car down the big roads as Max tried his best to keep the cars at bay. 

“How far am I driving?” 

Max grunted as he ducked from a bullet. “Just until exit 7. That’s my track.” 

You wanted to hit your head on the steering wheel once again. “You’re telling me that if I just kept driving, I wouldn’t be in this situation?” 

When he didn’t answer, you swerved a bit to knock him off balance. Your chuckles hit Max’s ear, pissing him off even more. 

“And to think, I was going to replace this utter junk if you made it out alive.” 

“We’re not done yet mister.” 

There was still a bit of road to go, and you were hoping that Max would try to shoot out one of their tyres, instead of trying to shoot at their drivers. He was about reload when he heard a clicking sound. Max really wanted to through himself out the door. 

“Is your blinker seriously on right now?” 

Your fully turned around to glare. 

“Yes.” 

You jerked the wheel as you got onto exit 7, making the cars behind slowly back away and continue on the highway. You wiggled in your seat as you did a little celebration. When some familiar houses came into sight, you gasped. 

“My cousin lives around here!” 

Max was out of breath as he was flabbergasted by your upbeat spirit. “Cousin?” 

“Yeah! He has this like high tech job and stuff. I come over to swim in the summer.” 

He had no words as you pulled up to a familiar house. You scrambled out the door and fell face flat on the asphalt. 

“Sweet mother, thank you, thank you.” 

You could kiss the ground, but that would be super unsanitary. When the garage creaked, you quickly got up and scrambled behind Max, who raised his gun out of instinct. However, he wanted to laugh when he saw his two best friends in full oversized gear. 

The two friends froze at the sight of their boss and, well, Lando’s cousin. 

“Y/n?” the Briton questioned, pulling the visor on the oversized helmet up. 

Your sprung in your place. 

“Lando!” 

“Max?” 

“Charles?”

Lando squinted at you. 

“Y/n?” 

A nervous giggle escaped your lips. 

“Lando?” 

The curly-haired man rushed at you, making you dodge around Max. Which, that resulted in Lando chasing you around the yard. 

“You kidnapped my friend?” 

“Why are you friends with de Leeuw and apparently Il Predestinato? I’m telling Aunt Cisca!”

“Not if I tell your mum that you Ubered in the city!” 

Max and Charles watched as the two of you ran after each other, hurling insults and threats. The two jumped when they heard a loud creak behind them and then a crash. When they looked, your car was down to the ground, wheels askew. 

“My car! De Leeuw, you’re paying for that!”  

uber_y/n has posted

uber_y/n new baby from my new baby 🖤

liked by bestie, land0, max_v, and 204 others

bestie um excuse me ma'am 🤨 what happened to bessie? 😭

uber_y/n someone (not saying any names [max] ) SHATTERED HER BACK WINDOW

max_v I hope you like bessie 2.0 schatje

uber_y/n I dooooooo(not)

max_v woman 🙄

land0 you just had to go for my cousin 😐😑😐

uber_y/n he was very charismatic, unlike you noRIZZ 🫵💀

sharl_lec pls, for the love of everything good in this world, quit uber

uber_y/n NOPE on my way to pick up someone named...lewis?

max_v oh no

TAG LIST: @fionaschicken @myxticmoon @cherry-piee @blueberry64857959 @glitterquadricorn @lizzypiastri @sam-is-lost @spilled-coffee-cup @ilove-tswizzle @the-untamed-soul @allenajade-ite @starssfall @torchbearerkyle @judespoision @halfdeadsage @juniper-july19 @severewobblerlightdragon @thatgirlmj @gods-menace @ineedafictionalman @namgification @dark-night-sky-99 @samantha-chicago @2pagenumb @treehouse-mouse @fangirl125reader @megatrilss1885 @kagatinkita @itsjustkhaos @nikfigueiredo @awekbachira @vellicora @skepvids @sunrizef1 @stan-josie @fanficweasley @hiireadstuff @barcelonaloverf1life @c-losur3 @graciewrote @bruhhhhhhhhehhhhhhh @tallrock35 @ashy-kit @kat-s2 @minkyungseokie @lozzamez3 @leslieis-crying @adventuresofrose @lighttsoutlewis

#reverse trope #kidnapped a mafia boss #uber driver reader #f1 x driver!reader #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #formula 1 x you #max verstappen imagine #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen #Max Verstappen fluff #crack fic #formula 1 x reader #formula 1 imagine #formula 1 x y/n #formula 1 x female reader #f1 x y/n #f1 x female reader #f1 x you #lando norris #Charles leclerc #terrible dutch translation

[nerdpoe]

Damian has been partnered up with Daniel in their Home Ec final.

And Daniel...is putting no effort at all into cooking.

Damian keeps trying to convince him to help, but Daniel keeps wriggling his way out of the responsibility.

Damian ends up having to handle the Turkey! Unacceptable! He does not condone the death of animals for food unless it is for survival! This part must be handled by Daniel.

He shoves the turkey in Daniels' hands.

There's a soft green glow.

He hears Daniel whisper a horrified "oh shit no".

And the very dead turkey that they were supposed to be cooking comes to life.

It is very, very angry.

#dpxdc #dcxdp #dp x dc #dc x dp #story prompt #phanfic #after it's all said and done damian scolds danny for not telling him about his meta handicap #danny is just too embarrassed #he gets removed from home ec the next day #apparently the principal hadn't believed him when he told them what would happen if he handled dead animals #they believe him now #crack fic

[strange-birb]

Jason and dick are helping Tim with his screaming :)

#batfamily #batfam #angst #fluff #jason todd #the batfamily #batbros #batfam crack #secret band au #red hood #red hood fluff #tim drake fluff #dc fanart #dick grayson imagine #jason todd secret band au #Gothams finest rejects #crack fic #Roy and cass in the back #sorry for doing Steph dirty in this one :/