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tabbedtabby · 3 months

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i bet on losing dogs

johanna mason x fem reader

summary: After Johanna fails her Block exam to participate in the invasion of the Capitol, you go say your farewells to her, bearing a gift.

a/n: i haven’t posted on tumblr since like 2021 so sorry if this looks ugly LMAO idk how to be aesthetic on here. anyway if you have any thoughts lmk!

cw: angst, not proofread

words: 1.9k

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Your hands fumble with the bulletproof vest covering you as you exit the Block. You have passed your personal assessment, it seems. The one that decides whether you’re fit enough to storm the Capitol with the rest of the victors; well, considering they pass it, too. The Block throws you into a simulated version of what a battle in the Capitol would be like, and personally preys on the weakness of each person who enters. So, in your case, it was fully checking an area before entering it. You’re not the most careful person in the world, you’ll admit.

You take the vest off, and see only a handful more soldiers waiting for their assessment, including Katniss. You had trained with her. She fought hard for this, and you know how badly she wants to go to the Capitol herself. You know how she feels. You, too, are a victim of Snow’s treachery.

You glance around, searching for Johanna. She’s pretty easy to spot, with the shaved head and everything. So when you don’t see her, you frown. She’d gone in only a couple more people before you did, but you don’t remember seeing her leave the Block, either. There is one face you recognize, though. Haymitch. You assume he’s waiting for Katniss, but when he walks up to you, you realize you’re mistaken.

“Johanna’s back in the hospital.”

“What?”

You ask the question, but you’re not really waiting for an explanation. You’re already shoving past everyone to get to the elevator. Of course. Johanna’s greatest weakness. They flooded the streets during her assessment.

When the elevator door opens into the hospital sector, you already know where to look. Johanna’s sitting up in a hospital bed, her eyes wide and her chest rising and falling rapidly. They must have stripped her of her soldier uniform, because she’s back in the same hospital gown she was given when rescued from the Capitol. What little hair she’s managed to grow from then until now is damp and spiky, and your suspicions are confirmed.

When Johanna sees you, your heart almost shatters. You’ve never seen her so empty of life. Not even when she’d first came back from the Capitol. She’s completely stripped of her anger, her abrasiveness, her bold personality. All that’s left is fear.

You don’t say anything to her. You just sit down at the foot of her bed. She wouldn’t want your pity, you know this. Instead, your hands close around something in the pocket of your pants. Something you’ve been meaning to give to Johanna, and there couldn’t be a better moment than now, now that you’ll be storming the Capitol without her.

“Here.” you say, your hand extending towards her. She stares blankly at you for a moment, almost certainly pumped full of morphling.

Johanna’s hands unfurl the handkerchief to reveal a set of rusted golden earrings shaped like little suns. Your mother’s. The only fine thing you’d ever owned before becoming a victor that you could never bring yourself to sell. The things that comforted you while being hunted in the arena, and again when you were reaped a second time for the Quarter Quell. Your lifeline at one point.

Her eyes glisten over with tears, but she quickly squeezes them shut. “I can’t take these, (Y/N).” she croaks out.

“Yes, you can, stupid. I’m giving them to you,” you tell her gently, a small smile on your lips as you stare into Johanna’s eyes. Even on the morphling, her eyes are filled with emotion.

“She died a long time before the rest of my family. I don’t need them anymore.” you don’t mention how there’s a good chance you might die in the Capitol, and you want those earrings to be passed on to someone else you care about. And the fact that Johanna has nothing to her name except District 13’s depressing dark green jumpsuit makes you feel sad.

“He has to die.” Johanna responds after a couple of minutes, her voice still hoarse. But she doesn’t say it with her normal ferocity. The contact with her method of torture has truly broken her.

“I know. Katniss is going to kill him, Johanna.” you say, placing one of your hands over hers. She stares up at you.

“And then… we’ll be free. Forever. We’ll go to District Seven and do whatever we’d like for the rest of our stupid lives. Get some real food. These bland-ass meals here are killing me,” you joke, and that makes the corner of Johanna’s mouth twitch up. But you can sense her considering your offer, too. Of course, she was always going to go home to District 7, but she can’t deny the idea of you coming with her excites her. Someone to fill that lonely old house that has gone so long without another resident besides herself.

Johanna’s hand clutches around the fabric that holds your parting gift. You squeeze her other hand, cold and damp. You don’t mind warming her up.

But there’s something in the air that neither of you address. That looming reality that you may not come back. Neither you nor Johanna have spoken about how you felt about each other, but you’re all each other has at this point. You share a room here in District 13 and hold each other through nightmares when they inevitably come each night. But that’s about the extent of how far your relationship has gone.

Before you think about it, you lean down and press your lips onto hers. Admittedly, you’ve wanted to for months now. But nothing could compare to how it felt in reality. Although brief, the feeling of her soft and faintly warm lips sends goosebucks running up your neck. Johanna’s lips are a wet and warm abyss that you never want to escape. You are forced to pull away anyway.

“Damn, brainless,” Johanna whispers, the hint of a smirk on her lips. You can’t stop the grin that spreads onto your face. She sounds more like her old self. Sarcastic. Witty. When you look into those deep green eyes, you know she will be able to put herself back together again. Just as she has done before, again and again. She has rebuilt herself into the woman you’re afraid you’ve fallen in love with as you stare into those eyes.

Almost on queue, the hospital quarter’s door opens, revealing a sympathetic looking Katniss and Finnick. Katniss holds a small bundle of something in her hands, and you realize they’ve come to say their own farewells to Johanna. The four of you have become somewhat of friends after going through training together.

Katniss’ gift ends up being a wad of pine needles to remind Johanna of home, which receives an emotional response from Johanna. She misses District 7 badly. You promise yourself the minute that Snow is dead, you will take her home. Home to the thick trunks of the trees and the sound of pine needles crunching under sturdy boots.

Eventually, you realize you need to get going. Katniss and Finnick have finished their goodbyes, and are already heading towards the door. You give Johanna one last look as you follow them out.

“I’ll see you soon.” you say, flashing her a promising smile before the door closes behind you.

Finnick was right. The last thing you thought of was her lips.

——

Bright green leaves rustle lightly, their branches flickering across the sky. The wind flows through them effortlessly, causing the deep emerald forest to appear alive in its movements. Birdsong ricochets on the sturdy trunks of the trees, filling the canopy with the hopeful sound of music.

One of the birds flitters down to the rock in front of where Johanna sits, its tiny feet hopping on the smooth gray. Its black, beady eyes stare up at her in question before launching back up into the leaves.

This is where she spends most of her days. Sitting at the base of a tree, head leaned back. Staring up into where the leaves catch the sunlight. Watching as the sun moves across the sky before it sets beyond the horizon. Only then does she take the trek back home.

She still lives in the Victor’s Village in District 7. After all, where else was she supposed to go? She yearned for her home. Even more so after your promise to go back with her once the war ended. How it was foolish of her to believe she’d ever share those walls with another body again. Snow took her family. She never truly came to terms with it, but it had been long enough that she could stand to be in that house again without reliving it all. That conversation after she’d become a victor, and the consequences that came soon after. It stung like a rotting wound every time she entered her own home. It was hard to sleep knowing she lived in a murder site.

Johanna tried, she really did. She tried not to let herself love again. Because as soon as she did, Snow’s offer would be on the table again. And this time, she would know what would happen if her answer was no. It would mean another bleeding body on the floor. Another soul to haunt those walls. More screams to ricochet inside her skull every time she closed her eyes. It would never be worth it. No matter how badly she wanted someone to care about her. Most days it would have helped more than anything to just know that there was someone out there who gave a shit about her.

But she couldn’t help it. Johanna couldn’t help that feeling she got around you. And, damn it, she tried. Lord knows she did. But you were so kind, and more than anything, unafraid. Unafraid of her anger and ferocity. You weren’t scared of her like everyone else; you were curious. You wanted to know Johanna, why she acted the way she did. Not immediately write her off like everyone else. No. You were different.

In the Quarter Quell, she had begun to get to know you. But it wasn’t until Johanna was rescued from the Capitol—she hates that word, rescued—that she began to be truly afraid of what she was feeling. The way her face would get hot every time you’d give her one of those wide, genuine grins that Johanna didn’t know was possible to be found on the face of a victor. She hated the feeling of skin against her own more than anything, but with you, she craved it. That’s when she knew she was in trouble; or rather that you were. Loving Johanna Mason is a death sentence.

And, unfortunately, you were guilty of that crime. Blown up into a million tiny pieces at the hands of the same bomb that killed Katniss’ little sister. She tries to reach out to Johanna. Or rather, she thinks Peeta encourages her to. But she can’t bring herself to answer. Not when Katniss gets the pleasure of living out the rest of her life with Peeta. Johanna doesn’t care if her sister is dead. She’s lost more and still has ended up alone.

So, that’s her fate. She doesn’t try again. To love. To care. Not about other people. Not about anything. But to sit alone under forest canopy, an axe still held firmly in her calloused hands. Some habits are hard to break.

So Johanna rots in that empty house that is too big for her, but too small for her grief, until the large doses of morphling will eventually get to her. She will die alone and unwanted. Her happy ending.

#johanna mason #johanna mason x reader #johanna mason x you #the hunger games #hunger games #hunger games imagine

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pronoun-fucker · 2 years

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Like many people in Britain, you probably watched with horror the US supreme court’s reversal of Roe v Wade, thinking, “Thank goodness women could never be prosecuted for having an abortion here.”

But let me tell you, it already happens here.

Two women are currently awaiting criminal trial in England for abortion-related offences, both facing charges that carry a maximum sentence of life. At least 17 women have been investigated by police over the past eight years for having had abortions.

In Oxford, a 25-year-old mother of one is facing trial for allegedly taking the drug misoprostol – one of the two pills routinely prescribed by doctors to abort a pregnancy. But her baby was born alive and she was subsequently reported to the police. She is being charged under the Offences Against the Person Act, a law passed by parliament in 1861, before the invention of the lightbulb and before women had the right to vote. The law states that a woman must be “kept in penal servitude for life” if she procures an abortion.

Another woman is facing trial after she took abortion pills she obtained from the British Pregnancy Advisory Service (BPAS) by post when rules were relaxed during the pandemic to allow this. She was allegedly 28 weeks pregnant at the time and is facing charges of “child destruction” (note the visceral language) under the Infant Life (Preservation) Act from 1929, which also comes with a maximum life sentence. She could spend the rest of her life in prison.

We so often think that the 1967 Abortion Act legalised abortion. But it did no such thing. It partially decriminalised abortion in England, Scotland and Wales, so long as strict conditions were in place, such as a confirmation from two medical practitioners that the pregnancy had not exceeded 28 weeks (subsequently reduced to 24 weeks in 1990), or that the termination was necessary to prevent injury or mental harm. Any abortion outside these criteria is still a criminal offence.

We know that it is overwhelmingly vulnerable women who are investigated and prosecuted for having abortions. One woman collapsed in the dock when she was sentenced to two and a half years in 2015 for taking tablets she had bought online to induce a miscarriage after the 24-week period of gestation. The court heard that she had “a history of emotional and psychological problems”.

Another woman, a mother of one, ordered pills online to induce an abortion in 2019 after her abusive boyfriend had told her not to go to the doctor. She had believed she was eight to 10 weeks pregnant but after a traumatic miscarriage in her bath tub, where she has described sitting in an inch of blood, she realised her pregnancy had been much further along. She was arrested in her hospital bed and served two years in prison.

These are just some examples of women who have faced trial: there are multiple other women who face gruelling police investigations. In 2021, a 15-year-old girl was investigated for a year after suffering an unexplained stillbirth. Her phone and laptop were confiscated during her GCSE exams, she was self-harming, and the investigation only ended after a coroner concluded that the pregnancy ended due to natural causes. Another woman was arrested in hospital last year and kept in a prison cell for 36 hours after a stillbirth at 24 weeks, and is now suffering PTSD. My question is this: if a woman has had an abortion late in the gestation period, or a traumatic miscarriage or stillbirth, should she go to prison or should she be offered support from medical practitioners at what is clearly a horrendous time, both mentally and physically?

Women in 2022 are being shackled by a 160-year-old law made at a time when we were not even allowed to set foot in the House of Commons. Urgent reform is needed to protect more women from harm, which is why organisations such as BPAS and the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists (RCOG) are calling on the director of public prosecutions for England and Wales, Max Hill QC, to drop all charges against these women. The RCOG this month has gone further, calling on ministers to finally legalise abortion. There is absolutely no public interest in sending vulnerable women to prison for terminating pregnancies. Instead, these prosecutions will only serve to put off women seeking help from doctors because they might get arrested, pushing more women into unsafe and underground options.

Meanwhile, according to the criteria of the Abortion Act, a woman has to show that she would suffer grave permanent injury to her mental health if she did not have an abortion after 24 weeks. Why should women still have to pathologise themselves as mad, hysterical, unfit or suffering to legally access healthcare?

The state currently has a triple lock on women’s bodies. By not legalising abortion it has the right to force pregnancy, birth and motherhood upon us. Look to the rules on organ donation: it is illegal to donate people’s organs after they die (however desperately they are needed by people on waiting lists) without their permission. The law at present, which denies women the right to abort a pregnancy on their own terms, is to give us less autonomy than a corpse.

Link | Archived Link

#abortion #USA #uk #radfem #radical feminism #misogyny

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becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys · 2 years

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Thought I’d let you know that the op of the abortion post (pronoun-fucker) is a terf. When I looked at the recommended post it was suggesting a bunch of terf shit and when I check their blog yeah they’re a terf. You don’t have to answer this just thought I’d let you know cuz I reblogged the post without even realising.

Oh, gross. Alright then, let's see...

Cool, okay, so the post was literally just the text of the linked newspaper article, so allow me to recreate it here:

Link | Archived Link

And, just to be clear, while is a situation that is 100% rooted in punishing women for having sex and also primarily affects women, women are NOT the only people affected by it. Trans men and enbies also can get hit by these laws, and we shouldn't forget them.

#abortion #also fuck transphobes with a cactus‚ just so we're clear #feminism

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derealizationsstuff · 1 year

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Jack howl x gn reader smut

Authors pov

warnings: smut (obviously)

(i know some of you are gonna come at me with "hes a minor!" but technically thinking twisted wonderland first came out in 2020 right? counting the birthday events 2020 jack-16 2021 jack-17 2022-jack 18 we're in 2023 but his birthday isn't here yet so this all works perfectly, if you feel uncomfortable don't read and just scroll)

You and Jack were dating for quite a while already, had very sweet romantic dates, some make out sessions here and there but never went further than that, which led to you thinking if that day would ever come, so you decided to see if he'd be comfortable with taking things further.

----------------------. .-----------------------------

It was exactly around 10-11pm, it was the only exception jack made to go to sleep later than usual so you 2 could be prepared for the upcoming exam, you were both exhausted so you suggested to take a break "I think we did enough for tonight, we should rest now" he nodded and got up, he started helping you clean up the table from notebooks and pens, you thought about making the move but seeing how tired Jack was you hesitated but maybe he needed some relief so he wouldn't stress about the exams anymore? besides you were stressed too, it was the perfect opportunity to take the relationship to the next level.

As Jack was grabbing his backpack ready to leave, you grabbing his arm stopping him in his tracks, he looked back at you head tilting a bit and his brow raising

"is something wrong [name]?" "No no, i was just wondering if you could stay for the night?" "I could, but why? is something bothering you?" "Oh no nothing's wrong it's just.." you hesitated for a second, thinking if you should tell him the reason right away or later "i get a bit lonely sometimes, and it gets quite chilly too, you don't have to stay if you dont want to of course! i was just suggesting" you replied immediately raising your hands up a bit, he made an Oh sound and replied "In that case, sure why not" flushing a bit, you led him to your room up the stairs, opening the bedroom door and letting him in, he put the backpack down and started taking his stuff out putting them down on the bed, he took out a toothbrush and a toothpaste asking where the bathroom was, once you told him the directions he left to brush his teeth and clean his face;

Another thing you loved about him, he knows ✨ hygiene ✨ as you were waiting for him you took the time you had and changed into your Pj's and texted Ace how Grim was doing, oh another thing, you asked Ace and Deuce to take care of grim for the night, when they asked for the reason you told them you were just tired and needed some rest, grim was sad for a bit but understood,soon forgetting he was ever sad when he entered the warm room of heartslabyul.

"Hey hows grim doing?"

"im doing good too thanks for asking😒"

"Oh stop being salty"

"yeah yeah whatever, but hes doing good, too good if i might add, he's made himself at home way quicker than i expected"

"That means he loves you😻🤌"

"Yeah as if"

"well either way thanks again for this it means a lot"

"Meh it's nothing, dw about it, tho you're still gonna repay me"

"yep got it, thanks again cya🫡"

"cya👏"

smiling at your phone you turn it off when you hear jack coming back in the room, you looked up at him and smiled, he smiled back in return and started to slowly get in bed next to you, pulling the covers up to his torso as he laid down in his side looking at you, you put the phone on your bedside table and turn back to him, moving closer and snuggling up to him, jack smiled and muzzled his head closer in your neck while wrapping his arms tightly around your torso as you ran your hands through his hair,(this would've been such a good fluff fic tbh) soon remembering why this was happening in the first place you pulled away and kissed him, jack, surprised for a second eyes widening but soon closing, you shifted closer if that was even possible your hands tangling in his hair, deciding to make a move you slowly started grinding on him, surprised by the sudden action jack pulled away for a second but kissed you back again, after a few minutes he pulled away again but your hand went to hold his neck bringing his head down a bit closer "Jack, i know this is sudden but we've been dating for a very long time now, and i thought we could maybe move to the next level? I've wanted to for a long time but kept holding back, but if you're not ready i can wait" the silence was painful you saw something in his eyes, it looked as if they were glowing, he leaned down closer "And how long have you wanted to do that?" "it started a month ago" you replied flushing a bit, he let out a small him "so that's why you often had that sweet scent" your eyes snapped back at his "w..what?" "A beastmans sense of smell is strong enough to smell arousal [name]" "well if you knew then why didn't you say anything?" "Same reason, i didn't know if you were ready" silence filled the room, you were the first one to break it "well i am ... and if you're okay with it too I'd love to strengthen our bond tonight" you said face resending even more "i am, and id love to take this step with you" he looked at you his tail swishing fast, you caught a glimpse of that and chuckled, it took your nervousness away, he went back to kissing you slowly moving lower, reaching your neck he started licking and biting and nipping, leaving small hickeys, very carefully since his teeth are quite sharp, which were one of the many things that made him look attractive

AF🙌

the sensation felt a bit painful but pleasurable at the same time which made you let out a small whimper nudging his head closer to your neck, he growled a bit and went back to going lower, he looked up at you for a sign if he can continue, you nodded at him and he slowly took off your shirt

he made sure to kiss every part of you, once he took off your pants you stopped him and he whipped his head in your direction afraid if he did something wrong

"don't you think it's unfair that I'm the only one getting undressed" he flushed and said Oh he retreated his hands and started taking off his own clothes as quickly as he could, you wanted to tease him "ahah you're eager aren't you?" your laugh was slowly cut short when you saw him looking at you, hes arms were entangled in his shirt his shirt was almost off hanging on his arms as he sat on his knees,

damn he looks hot...

you thought, still staring at him as he raised his brow "you're the one staring at me" once he took his shirt off fully he started taking off the belt and the pants now he leaned down on his hands crawling closer to you taking your chin and kissed you passionately as he moved closer to you, grinding against you just like you did at the start, once he took both your undergarments off you visibly turned white, he.was.HUGE. FUCKING MASSIVE HELLO? AND THICK TOO, LIKE THAT SHITS GOTTA BE AT LEAST ABOUT 11 INCHES?

when he saw how shocked and taken aback you looked he felt his ego go up and a sense of pride bubbled up in his chest but he needed to comfort you and calm you down

"is- is that even gonna?" "Dont worry its okay I'll help you i just gotta prepare you, we'll go slow okay?" you slowly nodded your head at him, feeling safer.

Jack moved his head down to your sex slowly licking it causing you to jolt up, his tongue was long and had a different texture, it felt even better, as he lapped at your entrance he swirled his tongue around you and then all of a sudden pushed it in you which made you moan louder and grab at his soft hair, as he quickened his pace as fast as he could, making tears swell up in your eyes shoving his face closer and closer, occasionally he let out growls which made vibrations against you causing an even better sensation, arching your back off the bed, you started to feel an odd feel in your lower stomach as it got bigger and bigger, all of a sudden Jack added his finger, bringing another moan out of you, he added another finger and eventually he had inserted 3 fingers inside of you moving them in scissoring motion and trying to stretch you out so that when he could finally actually be inside you it wouldn't be painful, but for now you were feeling too good to even worry about that part, causing you to have no control over your moans anymore, which caused jack to harden even more, the sound of your voice, moaning and calling out his name, all his movements were at a fast pace, the sensation got bigger and bigger and bigger until it finally snapped, jacks face and fingers were now covered in your juice, before he could pull away he cleaned off the juices off of you and him, when he looked back at you, you looked in pure Bliss, "J-jack.." "its okay, do you want to stop or take a break?" you shook your head and brought his head down to yours kissing him,he kissed back while his hands wrapped around your head he then pulled away "Can i..?" you nodded at him, he gave you a small kiss one more time on the nose and then started aligning himself to your entrance and slowly started inserting himself inside you, the stretch was still painful as you let out a small whimper, upon hearing you jack brought his face back at you and peppered your face with kisses to hopefully distract you from the stretch he was almost all the way in, just a bit was left, as he got in all the way with a grunt and he opened his eye to look down on you with lidded eyes, you felt incredibly full and warm, like this was meant to be, he was the one for you, he awaited your signal for when he could move, after a bit you nudged his arm "you can move" he hummed and slowly started to move, once you've been fully adjusted to him you couldn't bare the slowness and tried to match his thrusts but quicken up the pace "Hey, dont rush it or you won't be able to walk tomorrow" he growled "N-noo I'll be fine just..please" you whined out, already too gone in lust "how can i make you believe me?" "With fucking me hard" "you will regret this" "i hope i will"

that was his last straw, he couldn't take it anymore, all of a sudden a harsh thrust made you jolt up and yelp, his pace was inhuman, so fast but so good, you could hear the bed creaking as you barely held your eyes open, your hair getting in your way mouth falling open and moaning, you hoped the bed could handle you, this all felt so amazing, too amazing you could feel your orgasm coming close even tho it was just 10 minutes he was hitting all the good spots and very quickly too, the feeling was undescribable in words "J-JACK" you yelled out you could barely form a sentence "you feel so good~" he came down to kiss you harshly, moaning into the kiss as he kept thrusting into you, it happened so that you both orgasmed at the same time, how romantic. Being the gentleman he was he pulled out just in time, hes juices coated your stomach as your head plopped back down on the bed "you're such a good boy Jack, i love you so much" you praised him ruffling his hair and bringing him down to kiss him again, this one sweeter snd gentler, his tail swishing fastly behind him, you didn't notice but the whole time his tail was flopping around so fast it looked like a blur, both of you were worn out, but the sight of you that jack caught the glimpse of, he accidentally got bricked up again

"Shit.."

you noticed this and offered him one more round to which he immediately agreed to, he flipped you over on your stomach, hoisted up your hips to his own and started thrusting in again, somehow this position felt even better as you moved closer to him trying to match his thrusts, jack noticed this and pressed you down on the mattress, he had a strong hold which turned you on even more, causing you to tighten around him "Fuck.. [name]" he groaned thrusting harder, this really felt like bliss, a paradise, everything felt so perfect tears swelled up in your eyes once again "JacK~ i love you" he kissed your back and shoulder blade "i love you too, so much"

this time he orgasmed first and pulled out, missing his warmth you whined but quickly got cut off and moaned when you felt jacks tongue back in, this time he replaced his dick with his tongue to still satisfy you, soon after his achieving his goal and making you cum

he pulled back away, you were too tired to do anything he brought his hands to your hips putting you down in a comfortable position to rest, after that realizing your ass was still up but you were too tired to lay down, that's what the comfortable position was, you flushed at the embarrassment

you looked to your bed table and saw on the alarm clock that it was 3am? have you been fucking for hours?!?

jack got up and came back with wet wipes, wiping the liquid and sweat off your bodies, he brought you water and you thanked him, it really felt refreshing once he helped you put your PJs back on he got into the covers and grabbed your waist with his big hands and pulled you closer to him, you kissed his nose and then lips "I love you Jack" "i love you too[name] im glad we took this step, i feel closer to you" he smiled at you with a genuine and heartfelt smile, playing with a strand of your hair, he kissed your forehead and hugged you tight, the night brought the two of you even closer, it was definitely the best decision you made to be with Jack.

#x reader #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #smut #twisted wonderland smut #twst smut #jack howl #jack howl smut #jack howl x reader #jack howl x reader smut #fypシ゚viral #fypfypfypfypfypfypdypfypfypfypfypfypfyfpfyfpfyp

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reverieaa · 1 year

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I need your guidance, i am a college student. I have been in loa tumblr since 2021, and i have been dealing with this problem since then.

you see, i am manifesting a completely new life for myself where i am not in uni anymore. But to make a state dead is to turn your attention away from it, how can i do that when i have to deal with uni everyday? how can i do that when i think of exams, homework, attending classes blah blah blah..

i used to be really good at studying and get extremely good grades when i did not know about the law. why? because i desired to live a different life for myself away from this home and the only logical to do so was to push myself in school. due to that, i am now in a major i absolutely hate because it was the best thing available to start a career with a steady income.

why am i mentioning this? because since i found out about the law my grades started getting bad. I do NOT want to push myself anymore. why would i? i absolutely CANNOT stand studying anymore, why would i push myself and put hours upon hours onto something that won’t matter anymore when i manifest my dream life…?

that was the “logical explanation” i told myself every time i got a bad grade. but the thing is.. my dream life hasn’t “manifested” yet.

consequently, i was extremely DESPERATE back in 2022. i tried everything under the sun to manifest my dream life whether that was in summer break before uni, i tried time crunches, working on my self concept, the vo*id.. i even deleted subjects because everything was so overwhelming so i deleted them to focus on “my manifesting journey”…

i feel like this ask is all over the place. but everything i mentioned was to better explain my situation. you may ask “if you’re manifesting your dream life and that doesn’t include being in uni why are you worried about your grades…?” because i am afraid. what if my grades become so bad that it do irreversible damage to my GPA while i still haven’t manifested my dream life????? I CANNOT turn my attention away from uni but at the same time absolutely hate it. I cant do it. so it makes sense why i would become so desperate and focus on time so, so much. I cant let go of time.

please, i am asking you help and guide me.

If it's one important advice I'd have to give, is do not ever ignore the 3D. I know it must be hard for you right now, but what you do in the 3D does not matter if u satisfy yourself within.

When Neville was in the army, he said he didn't want to be there. He wanted to manifest getting out and going home to his wife and daughter. He applied to be deployed but was denied, his superior told him if there's one person he'd like to go to war with it's him. What do you think Neville did?

He did nothing. He didn't break or accept that he was never going to make it home. He continued training and slept in a room full of other military men, In a small bed.

But in his mind he was not there, in his mind he said he was at home, with his wife and daughter. He accepted with no reasoning that he was already released and at home. He said in his mind he was in ecstasy, happy and relieved even if he knew physically he was in tbe military bc he was trained there everyday.

Soon after his superior called him to his office, and asked him if he really wanted to leave. Nevielle answered yes, and his deployment was approved. He packed his things and went home.

Do not ignore the way you feel, but do not accept ur 3D circumstances as the end. Go within you mind and stay there, to yourself u are the person u desire to be, afe u not? Who's going to say what u are and aren't in ur imagination.

The only way to satisfy yourself is within, nothing is going against u and the faster u realize that, the more power to you. To me it doesn't matter what the 3D shows, if I'm feeling good within bc that is what u desire. Your oiter reality is only a reflection of your mind and it's contents. Do not sabotage yourself and ignore the 3D and what's given to you in it, that only worsens things for u.

It's not your responsibility or business for things to show up in your reality or when. U need to learn how to be observant of your 3D rather than a reactor of it, it is possible.

I wish you the best, not only with loa but school in general. Please don't just completely ignore ur 3D and view as sth going against you or as bad, it is a gift for u to enjoy your manifestations. I hope this helps and that u don't stress yourself so much. There's time for everything.

#law of assumption #affirm and persist #loa #manifesation #manifesting #neville goddard #3d #affirmations #loa methods #void state

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imwall-e · 2 months

Text

W&TWS || Doubts

Summary : He is a super-soldier of more than 100 year old, struggling to find a place in this new world. She is a young student of 23, struggling with life. But they know they can find comfort and help in each other.

Pairing : Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings : a bit of angst and anxiety, also fluff and always Bucky being the best

A/N : I am back to writing this fanfiction. It is more a journal to me, but it feels good to write like that and to share the story of Bucky and Willow. I hope you love it !

Series Masterlist

May 10th 2021

The exams had started the week of her birthday. Willow had barely revised, but was still doing her best to answer the questions and write good essays. She had a feeling, however, that it wouldn't be enough, but she was at peace with that. After all, this degree no longer suited her. All she had to do was make a decision: try her luck at the catch-up exams (because yes, she would definitely have to go), or give up altogether.

Strangely enough, her reflections led her to William. They had only been dating a few months, and she had taken just as long to get over what he had done to her. The wound still hadn't completely healed. A new question came to mind: was it a good idea to start a relationship with Bucky?

True, they had only exchanged a kiss, but perhaps everything was still moving too fast? Perhaps she needed to take her time? She wrote down all her anxieties on the paper she'd used for drafts, and promised herself she'd tell Bucky about them the next time they called.

He had gone back to New York a few weeks earlier, and it was difficult for them to communicate. She knew that a long-distance relationship wouldn't work in the long term. Especially in two different time zones.

She didn't want to get too attached like in her previous relationships. But Bucky seemed so kind. So thoughtful. However, bad times in the past forced her to be wary of many things, and many people. Even Bucky.

The teacher supervising the exam indicated that there was still an hour to go before the end of the exam. She glanced at her paper: barely four pages... She sighed, gathered her things, handed in her paper and went home.

The journey seemed long. Longer than usual. When she arrived, she was greeted only by her dog Dino. Her mother must still be at work. She took the opportunity to relax a little: take Dino for a walk, have something to eat, continue reading a book. Around 6pm, she took a shower and fell asleep a few minutes after getting into bed.

May 11th 2021

When she woke up, it was past midnight. The house was quiet. Her bedroom door was closed, probably by her mother who had preferred to let her sleep in. She reached for her phone and was blinded for several seconds by the brightness.

A few notifications from her group of friends told her that she wasn't the only one who had failed the exam. Dysariel's plan was holding up, which surprised none of them, after all he always got the best marks.

However, it was two other notifications that caught his attention. They were from Bucky:

Bucky Bear At 10.30pm: Hello Sunflower, I hope your day went well and that you managed to pass your mid-term. Give me your availability for tomorrow, I want to call you for your birthday. At 00:00: If my clock in New York is telling the right time for you, it's time for me to wish you a very happy birthday, my Sunflower. I haven't heard from you, so I assume you've fallen asleep. Thinking of you. PS: I also have a surprise for you that should arrive later today. Sunflower At 00:15: Thank you, Bucky Bear! I'll be available from midday. I don't have any exams in the afternoon. Do I get a hint about my surprise? I'm thinking of you too. Bucky Bear At 12:16am: Sorry, but if I tell you, it won't be a surprise! I've got to go to one last meeting. Go back to sleep, you need your rest. I can't wait to see you again.

His messages made her smile. He hadn't forgotten her birthday. He was going to surprise her. She had to concentrate on the positives. She wished she could go back to sleep now, but she knew she wouldn't be able to. So she grabbed her computer, plugged in her headphones and started watching videos.

She was woken up by her seven o'clock alarm, just two hours after going back to sleep. She nearly fell asleep on the train journey to university.

This morning she had an English grammar exam from nine to noon. However, she already knew that she would get out early because it was the subject she had mastered the most. Two or three exercises were more complicated and she could guess that she wouldn't get all the points. The most important thing was that she would at least pass the subject.

Zephyr, Dysariel, Axel and Ophélia went out more or less at the same time as her. They stayed another hour to eat together at one of the local fast-food restaurants. They talked about everything and anything. And Bucky.

"So," asked Dysariel, "how are things going with your handsome soldier?"

"Fine," replied Willow, blushing. I'm just a bit scared..."

"Of what?"

"That it's going too fast. Besides, the age difference is great, I mean he's over a century old."

They laughed together and all advised her the same thing: they were sure that what was between her and Bucky was special, but she had to take her time and think about her well-being.

Then came the time to go home. Zephyr went first, his parents being stricter about his going-out times. Then it was Ophélia's turn, as she had almost two hours by train to get home. Dysariel had things to do and wanted to revise for the hardest exam on Thursday: US history. Axel and Willow were the last to leave.

They had barely taken a few steps out of the main building when Axel remarked to Willow, "Look who's here." Indeed, Bucky was coming towards them, in a superb black suit. "I've got a train to catch and I think you deserve some time with him. Happy birthday again and see you on Thursday!" Before Willow could reply, Axel had already crossed the pedestrian crossing. When she turned her head towards Bucky, he was standing next to her, a bouquet of sunflowers in his hands.

"Happy birthday, Willow. I hope you don't mind that I came unannounced, I definitely wanted to surprise you." He looked tired but happy to see her again. As for her, she couldn't say a word because she was so surprised. She could only throw herself into his arms.

He held her close. Her long blonde hair smelt of monoi, the scent they both associated with summer. Bucky could already see himself taking her on holiday to the beach, or to New York to meet the people he considered to be his family.

Together they got into the car. "I was thinking we could go for lunch somewhere?" Bucky suggested.

"We've already eaten with the others. Maybe tonight?"

"Yes, of course. Say, I've booked a hotel room for the week, at the park where we spent our first date. We can also spend the day there tomorrow. Are you interested?

"Why not."

Bucky noticed that Willow didn't seem as cheerful as usual. He gently stopped the car at the side of the road, and turned to her, "Is everything all right?" Worry showed on his face and Willow couldn't help crying. There was the stress of the exams, the happiness of seeing Bucky again, the fears that were interfering with her thoughts.

So she told him about all the doubts she had about their relationship. She apologised several times. Bucky took her face in his hands: "Willow, look at me. It's all right, I'm not angry with you. Unless you never want to see me again, we'll take our time. We'll go at your pace. I promise you that. Now, I just want to know if we spend the afternoon and tomorrow together, or if I drop you off at your place?"

"I think I'm scared because of what happened with my old boyfriends."

"Willow, you don't have to tell me about it. Only do it if you want to or if you're ready."

"I am."

"Then we'll talk about it, but let me take you out for dessert. I know when you get really anxious and it calms down, you get hungry right after."

The fact that he remembered little details like this warmed her heart, and a big smile lit up her face. Bucky started the car again, one hand resting on Willow's thigh. Willow put her hand on his. She was already feeling a little lighter.

I hope you love this chapter, I'm writing the next one ! Do not hesitate to like, comment and reblog if you feel comfortable to do so !

#bucky #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #marvel #bucky barnes fanfiction #james buchanan barnes #bucky x y/n #bucky fanfiction #bucky x oc #bucky and willow #the writer soldier's journal #bucky love story

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lady-of-imladris · 4 months

Note

pspspspspspspspspspsspspspspspspspsspssppssppspsps

Buckle up, here comes the story of how I accidentally pavloved myself

It is the year 2021/2022, I am a young, somewhat ambitious university student buried under 25 urgent assignments and a gazillion exams. One night, my sister and I watch Hamilton. Good musical, I think to myself and carry on.

Background knowledge about me: when I am nervous (like the night before an exam) I CANNOT sleep. Multiple exams in a week? Yep. Can. Not. Sleep.

So I go to bed knowing I should really sleep because I have an exam (I think it was databases). Can I sleep? No. Do I suddenly have Hamilton (specifically "Nonstop") stuck in my head? YES.

For 6 FUCKING hours I laid there in the darkness with my eyes closed with this song in my head.

I was fed up so the next day after the exam I decide it's time for some exposure therapy.

So every day I woke up, put on Hamilton and studied. And that really helped. But (and this is where the guy with the dog comes into play) the next time I listened to Hamilton in the car or something I suddenly had the insane urge to work on all my assignments. After several such instances I came to the conclusion that I had successfully pavloved myself.

So now whenever I really don't want to do a task, I put on Hamilton. This is how I wrote 1k for my thesis today.

#ahdkdhakd i don't even know how to tag this #storytime #julia.exe #pavlov #hamilton #hamilton musical #i guess this is what lin wanted?

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marmixedwithabitofintellect · 2 years

Text

The Story of You

Lovies I am so so happy that this chapter is finally here! This chapter was definitely one of my favorites to write and I am so excited for you guys to read these almost 10k words!! For this one we have both visuals and an IG post coming soon! Thank you so much for your patience, I cannot wait to hear what you think and see what this story has in store for us! 🥰🥰 All the love 🤍 Mar

Disclaimer: In no way do I wish to spread hate or negative opinions about any of the characters here depicted, this is just fiction and with the purpose of entertaining you guys

Part 17: Reunited

November 23, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

New York, New York. 9:00 AM

The smell of coffee and cinnamon made my mouth water while I walked out to the kitchen, I saw Anne cooking with her back to me, I smiled before making myself known, “Good morning, Anne”, she turned to look at me and gave me a smile “Darling! Good morning! How did you sleep?”, I stood beside her and gave her a side hug

“I slept good, thankfully there was not so much kicking as other nights”, she plated the French toast and placed it on the table, “Do you want some coffee? Made some decaf for you”, I nodded and sat down beside her and started eating

“Thank you for breakfast, this looks delicious”, she took a bite and smiled, “Anything for you two, so any plans today?”, I smiled at this, “Well… would you like to meet your grandbaby?”, her faced showed a beaming smile and some tears, “Really? I would love to honey”, she reached in for a hug

“I have an appointment at noon, maybe later we could go grocery shopping and cook that pasta we made when I first went to visit you guys?”, she nodded, “I think it is a great plan, I’ll also start stocking up on ingredients for the meals I want to make for you”

We finished eating breakfast, washed the dishes and went to get ready, about an hour later we called a cab and headed to Betty’s office, after the 20-minute ride we got there and Anne gave me a hug, you could see the happiness and excitement radiate of from her.

When we got into the office Randy signed us in and about five minutes later Betty came out to get me, “Hi mama! how are we doing huh? We aren’t pulling any funny business huh?”, I returned the hug and laughed a little, “No funny business, back to their regular kicking routine and Braxton-Hicks”

I stood next to Anne who was smiling so big and then turned to look at my midwife, “Betty, this is Anne, Harry’s mom”, Betty smiled so big and reached in to give Anne a hug, “Oh my God hello! Congratulations grandma! I am so excited and happy to meet you!”, she pulled back and Anne smiled, “It is my pleasure, I have only heard good things from you”

She guided us back to her office where I settled on the bed with the help of Anne while Betty washed her hands, she helped me lift my shirt and started feeling my belly, “Well thankfully baby is still well positioned for a natural delivery which makes me really happy”

I smiled when I heard that and she squeezed my shoulder, “Have you lost your mucus plug lovey?”, I shook my head, “Okay that’s fine, it will most likely happen in the next days, which is totally normal, now if you don’t mind I wanna do a pelvic exam”, I nodded and she smiled, “Okay lovey, so I need you to put your knees up and flop them like a butterfly and take some deep breaths okay?”

I did as she told me and Anne grabbed my hand to give it a squeeze while she put on some sterile gloves, it was definitely an uncomfortable feeling but it didn’t hurt, a few moments later she pulled back, and as Anne helped me lower my legs Betty removed her gloves while speaking, “So, you are about 20% effaced which is good, and about two centimeters dilated, I know it may not seem much but this is all good, it means we are on our way to have a baby”

“We can say that baby watch has officially begun, so if they do not arrive within the next two weeks we will discuss some induction options, but we will do it how you want okay? I will give you a list of things you can try to induce labor, but if you want my opinion, let them come when they want to come, you are perfectly healthy, and your body knows when the time will be right”

I nodded and smiled, Betty then turned to look at Anne and gave her a very soft smile, “So grandma, are you ready to meet your grandbaby?”, Anne nodded her head and squeezed my arm while Betty turned off the lights and turned on the ultrasound machine, she placed some of the cold gel on my belly and I shivered, a few seconds later the grainy image came to life with a picture of a tiny foot

“Dear that is definitely a Styles foot”, we laughed at Anne’s comment while Betty continued with the scan, we turned when she was checking their bits and then turned back to the screen where we could see their profile, “Fluid level is great, now let’s hear that heart”, she clicked a button and the room came to life with the sound I had engraved in my mind and heart for the last nine months.

Anne let out a sniffle and wiped her tears with the tissue she was holding, “I’m sorry, its’ just... it’s so amazing to hear it live, the recordings Harry sent us don’t do It justice”, I gave her a smile, “I’m so happy you are here”, Betty then turned on the 4D option and started moving the probe, she measured the cord and placenta before stopping near their face and laughing.

We turned to the screen and the baby was yawning, which in turn had both Anne and me awwing and tearing up and I spoke up, “Well someone is tired from keeping his or her parents on their toes huh?”, Betty and Anne laughed at my joke, we spent about fifteen minutes more just looking at the baby and trying to pinpoint who he or she looked most like.

Anne helped me clean myself as well as getting down from the bed, Betty handed me the cup and I went into the bathroom to retrieve the sample, after I finished, I placed the sample on the tray designated for these purposes and headed back to her office.

Betty was giving Anne some copies of the ultrasound when I got there and she also had some printed for me, I sat down on the chair opposite to Anne and Betty started talking, “Well I see no problem for you right now, I’ll give you these pamphlets, please read them, they have interesting information on labor signs and everything”

I nodded and placed them in my bag, while she finished writing down my notes, she closed then and gave them back to me, “Okay, so you have received your birth kit, right?”, I nodded, “Okay good, we will send your sample to the lab and if anything is wrong, I’ll let you know”, I nodded again.

We made our way out of the office and I scheduled the appointment for next week, when we got out to the street Anne pulled me into a hug and kissed my head, I nuzzled into the hug and realized it had been too long since I had a motherly figure care for me, I was so into it that I didn’t realize I was crying until Anne pulled back with a worried look, I gave her a small reassuring smile, “I’m okay, I promise”

She nodded but didn’t look entirely convinced and we made our way to the grocery store, after buying what we needed we headed home. It was around seven when we finished preparing dinner and while it heated in the oven, we sat down to have some tea, Anne grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze, “You know I care so deeply for you, don’t you?”, I nodded, “If you need anyone to talk, I’m here to listen”

I looked at Anne and gave her a small smile, “My mom…well she kind of disowned me when she found out I was pregnant”, she gave me a shocked face and squeezed my hand, I sniffled before speaking up, “I guess she never liked Harry, well not really him but what being with him meant for me, so you can imagine her reaction when she found out I was having his baby”

“Sweet girl...”, I sniffled, “I guess I never knew how much I missed having my mom hug me; and I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but I love you Anne, and you are the closest thing I have to a mom”, she cleared her throat, “And I will always be here for you, you know I love you like a daughter”, I pulled her in for a hug and after a few we pulled back.

She took a sip of her tea before speaking up, “Does Harry know this?”, I shook my head, “Darling…”, I squeezed her hand, “I can’t do it Anne, I know he will blame himself for that, every time my parents made a snarky comment he would apologize and feel so bad when it wasn’t his fault; this is not his fault, it is theirs and they will have to live with it”

She ran a hand down my face and squeezed my cheek, “Why do you protect him so much hmm?”, I placed my hand over hers and squeezed it, “Because I love him, with all my body, soul and being, even if he does not love me anymore”, she sighed and shook her head, “Darling, he loves you too, so much, more than he realizes he does”, it was my turn to shake my head

“He loves the idea of me having his baby Anne, and I’m okay with that, because I know that he will love this baby with all his heart and I’ll keep loving him”, she kissed my head and made her way to the kitchen and I swore I heard her mutter, “We’ll see about that”

November 24, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

New York, New York. 2:00 PM

My legs were shaking from excitement, it had been far too long since I had seen Gemma and I couldn’t wait to see her; she had let us know they had landed and would go to Harry’s house and leave their bags before joining us for lunch. Anne placed her hand on my knee and laughed a little, “Darling you need to relax or you’ll cause an earthquake”

I laughed a little and took a sip of my lemonade, suddenly there were two hands covering my eyes and someone whispered in my ear, “Guess who?”, I smiled and stood up as best as I could and hugged Gemma, she squeezed me harder and whispered, “Hi you, I missed you”, I squeezed back, “Hi G, I missed you too”

We pulled back and held each other at an arm’s length, “Look at you! You are glowing!”, I said hello to Michal, and we sat down, I was sitting between Gemma and Anne, Gemma then placed her hands on the belly, “Hi little munchkin, I’m your auntie Gem, I am so happy to finally meet you!”, a few seconds later the baby kicked, and I could see the biggest smile on her face

“Oh! I see you baby; we need to have a serious conversation, what was that thing of you trying to break out early huh? I mean I understand if you don’t wanna wait for your dad but for me? Come on! Well now that I am here you can come”, we all laughed at that, Anne tsked her lips, “Hey now, I think we can convince this baby to hold up huh?”

Conversation broke out and then Gemma squeezed my hand and whispered, “Mum told me about what happened with your mum… how are you?”, I sighed, “I mean, I am sad, but I have processed it”, she nodded and squeezed my hand, I sniffled before speaking up, “She's a Bitch”, Gemma laughed, “She's your mum”, I turned to look at her and shrugged my shoulders

“She deserves it, honestly”, I sniffled, “She broke me”, Gemma pulled me in for a hug and kissed my head, I pulled back and squeezed her hand, “But it’s’ okay, I have you guys, and I don’t need anything else”, she smiled, “And we will always be here with you, and now we will spoil you until this little love shows up okay?”

“I know you will, we are just missing your dear brother”, she gave me a teasing look and I rolled my eyes, “Gemma… stop”, she took a sip of her water, “You can deny it all you want, but you two will end up together and it won’t be because of this munchkin, but because you truly love each other, auntie’s intuition”, I laughed and shook my head before turning to look at my belly, “See what you have to look forward to bug?”

November 25, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

New York, New York. 4:00 PM

Thanksgiving was all set and ready in Harry’s house; Anne, Gemma and I only had to focus on the decorations and name placements, I went into Harry’s room and got ready, the outfit I chose made me feel pretty and sexy, I put on some light makeup and then went downstairs, I could hear some noise and cheers, so I assumed that guests had finally arrived.

When I went into the kitchen Harry was standing with his back to me, my heart started beating so fast when I knew I was about to see him, I cleared my throat and he turned and God, there was that smile I had missed so much, he smiled at me and said “Hi lovie”

November 25, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

Harry. New York, New York. 4:10 PM

Gemma and my mum were so happy to see me, and I was too, but I was so anxious to see Y/N, I took a sip of the beer Jeff had pulled out while we waited for her to be ready, a few seconds later I heard her clear her throat, I had to take a deep breath before turning to see her hoping that I wouldn’t lose it.

My heart was beating so fast, she looked so beautiful, she was a little fuller on the face and the belly… man that belly made me wanna kiss her right on the spot, I smiled before speaking, “Hi lovie”, I started making my way to her and grabbed her face before placing a kiss on her forehead, I felt her reach for my hands and gave them a squeeze.

I pulled back a little before whispering to her, “Can I hug you?”, she nodded and whispered back, “Please do”, I pulled her into my arms and started swaying us a little, she nuzzled into my neck and I squeezed her and released a breath I had been holding for the last few days; I saw that everyone who was in the kitchen made their way out to give us some privacy.

After a few glorious minutes I pulled back but still kept her in my hold and looked down to see her giving me a small smile, which I returned, “Do you mind if I say hello?”, she shook her head and squeezed my waist before pulling back, I kneeled in front of her belly and ran my hands down the sides before pressing my lips next to her belly button before starting to talk to the baby

“Excuse me little one, mind explaining to me why were you trying to break free while I was mid-show? That seems a bit rude to me and unfair to your mama who was really scared, I thought we agreed that you would wait until daddy was back home huh?”, I smiled at the kick aimed to his left hand

“Nuh-uh, you cannot talk back to your father young one; now, I still have one more show to go, but after that you can come whenever you are ready”, I kissed the belly again before standing up and kissing her forehead, “You have no idea how scared I was”, she smiled and squeezed my arm, “Oh H, I was too, I was truly worried they would really come and you wouldn’t be here”

I smiled at her, “I would have literally taken eight flights if it meant I would be back here with you; you are not getting rid of me that easily darling”, she smiled at that, we stayed there staring at each other just like we did when we first started dating, like there was nobody else in the Universe except for us.

A clearing of a throat pulled us both back from our staring, Gemma gave us a smirk and teasing smile, “Mum asked me to come get you guys, everyone’s ready to eat”, we nodded and followed her to the dining room where everyone had already taken their place and I saw Gemma wink at me when I realized we were sitting together.

Dinner was amazing, and I was so grateful to have my band here along with my family, including my dad who had also arrived today, and I realized that this is what I wanted for us to have, for my baby to grow with, a home full of love, happiness, support, and I would do everything in my will power to do so.

Mitch clinked his glass to get everyone’s attention and cleared his throat while he stood up, “As you all know, I am a man of very few words, practically none if we’re honest”, we all laughed at that, “But I wanted to take the opportunity to give a toast and celebrate, last year a lot of us were not together, we didn’t even know each other but this year, this year we are together and what an adventure we have been on”

There was a cheer and holler all around the table, after it quieted down a little Mitch continued, “So I guess, I just wanted to say thank you, to H for believing in me all this time, to Sarah for being the best partner and mother to our baby, to the band for making it feel like home away from home, to Jeff for putting up with all of us, Anne, Gem, Des and Michal for making us part of your family”

The smiles and some tears were present in the face of all the attendants, Mitch then turned and looked at Y/N, “And especially to you Y/N, for being you; most of you don’t know this, but Y/N helped me pick Sarah’s ring and plan the proposal, she sent us meals when our baby arrived and spent a lot of nights at the phone with Sarah while she shared her fears and anxieties of being a new parent; I hope everyone finds a Y/N and when they do, they make sure to keep her in a tight hold”

Everyone cheered and clapped, I turned to look at Mitch and he gave me a look that meant business, I nodded his head and then squeezed Y/N’s hand to get her attention, when she turned to look at me she gave me a smile which I returned to her, “Thank you for this adventure, the best is yet to come”, she kissed my cheek, “The best is truly yet to come”

November 26, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

Harry. New York, New York. 11:30 AM

I knocked on Y/N’s door and a few seconds later she opened and I felt the air leave my lungs, she looked so beautiful, “You look lovely”, she smiled and laughed, “Thank you H, come in, I am just finishing my make up”, I closed the door behind me and followed her to her room, “Hey has the bassinet arrived?”, she answered from the bathroom, “Supposed to within the next two to three days”

She popped her head out of the bathroom, “Are you going to tell me where we are going?”, I shook my head, “Absolutely not, the only thing I will tell you is that you will love it”, she rolled her eyes and went back into the bathroom, I took out my phone and texted the group to remind them to let me know when we were supposed to leave

“Take all the time you need love, I am awaiting instructions from the organizing committee”, she laughed at that, “Okay then, let me fix my hair just a little more”, twenty minutes later my mom texted that they were ready, “Love? You ready to go?”, I heard the toilet flush and the door open and close, “I am let me grab my bag”

We made our way to the car where I opened the door for her and then got into the driver’s seat; I started making my way to the venue we had rented for the baby shower, when we stopped in front of a hotel, she turned to look at me, “You have got to be kidding me, Harry! I said that you did not need to spend a huge amount of money!”

I laughed and got out of the car, grabbing the blindfold I had brought for the occasion, “Oh hush, you know me and the fact that I wouldn’t listen to what you said regarding budget, you deserve to be spoilt and celebrated, and I’m the happiest to do it for you”, I gave her a kiss on the cheek

“Now, as requested by the committee, I will place this blindfold on you and remove it once we are there, okay?” she nodded and I placed the blindfold carefully over her eyes, “Now, how many fingers do I have up?”, she snorted

“You are a dork, I truly cannot see”, “Hey just wanted to make sure, shall we?”, she nodded, and she reached for my hand, we started walking towards the elevator, when we got there, she said to me, “Please don’t let my hand go”, I squeezed her hand and told her “I never will”

November 26, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

New York, New York. 12:15 PM

My heart was beating so fast I was surprised it hadn’t burst out of my chest yet, as the elevator went up my excitement did too, I was so thankful that I had a family and friends who were wanting to celebrate my baby, even if my own wouldn’t be there. The elevator stopped and Harry grabbed my hand, and we walked a few steps before stopping.

He stood behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders giving me a squeeze, he whispered, “Are you ready?”, I nodded and closed my eyes so that when he removed the blindfold it wouldn’t be too harsh on my eyes, I gave it a few seconds before opening them and I felt tears reach my eyes.

The rooftop overlooked the Manhattan skyline, the staff had closed the windows which made the temperature warm for us to enjoy the day, there was a single table made up of four rectangular tables that would allow for all of us to talk, every few places there were some flowers to decorate the space, a balloon garland with the image of Peter Rabbit was seen on the far corner.

I started walking some more and saw that they had hung up a sign, and next to it was a table with some desserts that kept up with the theme as well as a lovely cake, as I neared the table, I could see that in each place there was a card for guests to fill.

I turned to look at Anne, Sarah, Gemma, and Glenne, and gave them a teary smile before opening my arms so I could hug them, “Thank you guys, this is way more than I could have ever thought”, I felt Anne place a kiss on my temple before speaking up, “You and this little baby deserve it”, Harry cleared his throat, and everyone dispersed so I could hug him

“H… this, this is so wonderful, thank you truly”, he pulled back a little but still kept me in his hold, “You deserve this, and so much more”, there was something on the way he said it that made me feel warm, and for a second the feeling I had when I hugged him yesterday returned, what was happening?

We pulled back when the elevator opened, and the rest of the band and family appeared; hugs and kisses were given and drinks started flowing, I was talking with Gemma, Sarah, and Elin when someone poked my shoulder, I turned and smiled when I saw Jason standing there, “Hi you! I’m so happy you could make it!”

“I wouldn’t miss this”, we both reached to hug each other, and he squeezed me a little before pulling back, “So… no scares?”, I laugh and placed my hands on my belly, “No scares, hoping they stay put until after the 28th”, he nodded and smiled before reaching in for a folded paper on his inside pocket and handed It to me

“Before I forget, I had pretty clear instructions from one Ms. Daisy Josephine Sudeikis Wilde to give you this as soon as I saw you”, I laughed and unfolded the piece of paper, inside was a drawing of flowers, butterflies, hearts, and a little baby with the words ‘Congratulations Y/N’ scribbled by Jason I assumed

“Aww sweet girl! I love this! this is definitely going into my scrapbook I’m making”, he smiled at that before clearing his throat, “I also have some other gifts additional to the one requested, but I’ll give them to you later, yeah?”, I nodded and Gemma stepped up, “Jason let me show you where your seat is, I hope you don’t mind we sat you next to Pauli, he’s a big fan of ‘Ted Lasso’”

I smiled when I saw them walk away and turned to look at Sarah who was looking at the bar with an amused smile, “What?”, she laughed a little, “Well if looks could kill, I know someone who would be convicted to murder”, before I could ask her to elaborate more, Anne announced that lunch was ready and we should all take our places, so we made our way to the table.

November 26, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

Harry. New York, New York. 12:45 PM

I was at the bar sipping on a cocktail and talking with my dad and Michal when I heard Y/N say hello to someone very enthusiastically, when I turned to see where she was standing my heart started beating fast and an unconformable sweat prickled my hands and the back of my head.

Jason reached in to hug her, and I grabbed my drink in order to stop myself from going over there and kissing the hell out of Y/N, a snicker pulled me out of my trance, and I turned to see Glenne standing next to me, sipping from her champagne, and giving me a smirk, “I can smell the jealousy seeping from your pores H”

I grumbled before finishing my drink and placing the empty glass on the bar, “What the hell is he doing here?!”, Glenne scoffed, “You’ve got to be kidding me, are you seriously asking me that?”, I rolled my eyes, “No Glenne, I’m kidding. Of course I’m asking; who invited him?”, Glenne crossed her arms, “Y/N did, must I remind you that it is her baby shower, and she is entitled to invite whoever she pleases?”

I let out a breath, “I’m sorry, you are right”, she squeezed my shoulder, “You need to understand that they are friends, H, they bonded over the same experience, which by the way was caused by you”, I gave her a small laugh, “And that won’t stop them from getting together”, she laughed, and I turned to look at her, “Glenne! It is not funny!”, “It is if you ask me”, she squeezed my arm

“H, it has taken you a while to see what you have in front, and well if she decided to see where things would go between them I would be her first supporter”, I scoffed, “But I love you two, and I know that things will work out between you two, but I will let you know now: if you pull another stupidity like the one you pulled, I will kill you”

I smiled and hugged her, “Thank you Glenne, I know I fucked things up, but I promise that I will fix everything I did wrong”, my mum called us to the table and we made our way, I smiled when Y/N reached her hand out to me so we could sit next to each other, “H, are you okay?”, I gave her a smile, “I am darling, now let’s enjoy this okay?”

November 26, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

New York, New York. 3:00 PM

The food catered was delicious and left us all full and the desserts were heavenly, while we were eating cake and enjoying the other desserts, conversation broke through, the mothers of the group were giving me advice and Anne shared with us stories of both Gemma and Harry when they were babies, while we were laughing so hard Gemma cleared her throat and turned to look at me, “I think we never asked you, but when did you find out you were pregnant?”

I smiled when I thought of that day and Harry spoke up, “It’s true! I never asked you”, I smiled, “You wanna know?”, everyone nodded, “Okay, uhm well let’s see”

April 26, 2021: Week Seven

New York, New York. 9:10 AM

The alarm clock pulled me from my slumber and had me grumbling, this week at work had been one of the worst so far, but I still had a job and that is all that mattered, I got out and made my bed, got changed and left my apartment to head over on my run.

After I finished, I decided to stop at Trader Joe’s before arriving back home, I was browsing the fruit and vegetables section when I saw the container that held kiwis and my mouth watered, I reached in and grabbed three kiwis, truth be told I wasn’t a huge kiwi fan, but they looked so good.

I grabbed a few other essentials and when I stopped at the personal hygiene aisle and saw the boxes of tampons and pads, I furrowed my brows, I hadn’t used the new box I bought about three weeks ago, I then turned to see my cart and noticed that I had slipped a few snacks and foods I wouldn’t normally buy.

Huh, that’s weird, now that I think of it, I hadn’t been drinking my coffee lately because it was leaving a very weird after taste and spicy food had been giving so much heartburn that Tums had become my best friend, one would think I was pregnant huh.

I laughed a little, one needs to have sex to be able to get pregnant and I really wasn’t partaking in that lately, a few seconds after this thought dread filled my stomach, I did have sex, with Harry, in L.A., a month ago, shit. I paid for my groceries and made to the nearest pharmacy where I bought two pregnancy tests, a traditional as well as a digital one just to be sure.

Once I got home, I called my boss and told her I was feeling sick, so she told me to take it easy today because thankfully we were ahead of schedule. I unloaded the groceries, took a shower, and cleaned my bathroom, seeing the boxes of pads and tampons brought back the dread I was feeling. I returned to the living room and sat down, the tests were in the table in front of me and mocking me.

Flashbacks from that night appeared, his smile, the flirting, the love, the familiarity. The urge to say no but the desire for him to hug me once again. The kisses and touches, the whispered ‘I love you’s’ and ‘I missed you’s’. The guilt once the morning came, the sadness of things being over and above all the goodbye, the thins that hurt the most.

It was around six in the evening when I finally had the courage to take the tests, I washed my hands and left them in the bathroom and sat down in the living room to wait for the five minutes to pass; God how did I end up in this situation? Why did I have to allow myself to fall to his arms again?

Harry. How would he react? Would he want to know the baby? He had his life settled with her, and even if it pains me, I wouldn’t ask for him to break it. An alarm beeped and weirdly, I felt at peace, I took a deep breath and went into the bathroom, I grabbed the tests and sat down on the living room. Deep breaths Y/N, everything will be okay. I closed my eyes and them turned the tests in my hands. Deep breaths. I opened my eyes.

Two lines. A screen that read ‘Pregnant. 3+’

November 26, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

Harry. New York, New York. 3:45 PM

Tears were clouding my eyes; I was even prouder of the woman who was sitting next to me. I kissed her temple and she turned to hug me before I whispered, “You are so strong, I am so thankful to have you be the mother of my child”, she pulled back and smiled.

I cleared my throat and turned to see everyone, “I wanna thank you all for coming today, for celebrating with us the arrival of our baby, who thankfully decided to wait for every single one of you to be here”, laughter could be heard, “We will cherish and keep these little keepsakes on who gifted our baby each book and will give them to him or her when they are older, now before we continue celebrating I would love to read a letter I wrote for my baby”

Everyone sat up straighter and I knew that tears were already clouding Y/N’s vision, “I wrote this letter the day Y/N told me she was pregnant, and I have kept it safe until the baby was born, but I want to share it with you, with our family”, I gave them a smile, cleared my throat and opened the envelope where I kept the letter, I took a deep breath before starting to read

“My love, As I sit here in my kitchen, with a copy of an ultrasound your mum just gave me, I feel everything shift; how can things change so much in such little time? How can someone so small have such an impact in someone as big as me? How have I lived 27 years but feel like my life is just starting?

Somehow my projects, dreams and goals don’t matter anymore, and the only thing I want is to make you happy and to protect you and your mum. Somehow the only thing I have in my mind and in my heart is getting to hug you and kiss you.

I want to promise you here and now that I will always be here for you, that you will always be loved and that there will never be a day where you don’t know this. I promise to show you all that this world has to offer, to give you words of advice when you need them.

I hope that when you are older you know that the world is at your feet and that there is nothing that can stop you, that your mum and I will be the first people to catch you when you fall, and to remember that you will always have someone to be a shoulder to cry on or to offer you, their advice.

I hope that you fall, and you learn from those falls, that you are never afraid to start again and to take new paths. I hope that you remember that life has a zillion options and a blank canvas for you to write your own story on, and I hope you let us be a part of it.

Most of all, I hope that you never stop dreaming, and that you always allow me to be a part of your dreams. You are my dream come true and my motivation to keep going when I feel that everything is falling down.

I am truly grateful I get to be your dad and from the bottom of my heart, never ever forget how much I love you baby, I cannot wait to meet you”

I folded the letter and cleaned my tears, tears and sniffles were running all throughout the whole venue, Y/N stood up and pulled me into a hug, I nuzzled and kissed into her neck, she ran a hand down the back of my head; I truly don’t know how long we stood like that, a few minutes later she whispered

“Thank you for being you H, I couldn’t have chosen a better father for my baby”, I smiled and whispered back, “I would’ve never chosen anyone else to be the mother of my baby”

November 26, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

New York, New York. 6:30 PM

After playing some games, people have moved to the bar and couches into different groups, I was sitting down with Sarah, Elin, Mitch, and Harry when Jason walked to where we were sitting and smiled, I smiled back and he spoke up, “I will be leaving soon because I have dad duty, but I wanted to give you this”, he handed me two gift bags.

I picked the first one and he said, “That is from me”, I opened it and pulled a little onesie that read ‘Coach, we’re not in the womb anymore!’ I laughed and showed everyone the onesie, “Jason, I love it! This is awesome! I cannot wait until the baby gets to wear it”, I then grabbed the second bag

“This one was picked by Otis and Daisy when they were visiting their grandparents”, I opened it and pulled out a white box that had some knitted rattles along with a beautiful blanket”, I stood up and gave him a quick hug before pulling back, “Please tell Otis and Daisy that I loved my gift! Here”, I handed him three of the favors we had gotten for the guests, “One is for you, the other two are for Otis and Daisy”

“You didn’t have to, but I know they will love them”, I walked him to the door with Gemma and said our goodbyes, when the elevator closed Gemma hugged me before speaking, “I swear that if looks could kill my dear brother would be in jail”, I laughed a little, “I wish you were right Gem, I really do”

November 27, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

New York, New York. 4:00 PM

After the baby shower we headed back to my apartment where we ordered some pizzas, the last guest left at around two, so I had slept in today, Gemma and Michal had some plans with Des, Anne had gone with them to lunch and Harry had rehearsals, but we had all agreed to meet for dinner at my place.

There was a knock on the door, and I smiled when I opened it and a very smiley but sweaty Harry was at the door, “Hello love”, he came in and I smiled, “Hi you! Guess what just arrived!”, his excited face made my heart soar, “The basinet! Oh, how exciting! Uhm, would you mind if I shower before we set everything up?”

I nodded and took him to the guest room, I went into the kitchen and continued preparing the cutlery and lasagna we were going to eat, about twenty minutes later Harry came out, “What can I help you with?”, I turned to look at him, “Why don’t we set the table and then unbox the bassinet?”

He nodded and we started working, after the table we went into my room, Harry was carrying the box and he opened it, after a few we assembled it and placed it beside my bed, Harry sat down next to me, I reclined my head on his shoulder and he spoke up

“It’s crazy, isn’t it? A baby will sleep there in a few days or weeks”, she laughed a little, “It is… H I was thinking, what if you come to stay with me, with us? I understand if you would prefer not to, but I want you to be as close to the baby as possible”

He pulled back and smiled at me, “Are you sure?”, I nodded, “On one condition, can we decorate for Christmas before they arrive?”, I smiled at him and nodded, “We will, let’s do it this weekend, after you rest from your concerts okay?”

Desperate knocks pulled us back from our bubble and we went to open, I could hear Gemma from the kitchen, “God brother what took you so long?”, “Hi to you too Gemma”, they all made their way into the kitchen where I was just finishing everything, “Hello mama! How are you?”, she hugged me and kissed my cheek loudly, I laughed a little, “Hiya babe! How did the sightseeing go?”, “It was awesome, the city has changed so much since the last time I was here”

A few seconds later we were joined by Anne, Des, Michal, and Harry, Anne came to my side and rubbed my belly and kissed my cheek, “Why don’t you sit down? I think we can handle what’s left darling”, I nodded and went into the dining room followed by Gemma, then everyone pitched in and brought dinner.

We ate and chatted for a while, Harry picked up the dishes and put them in the washer while Gemma brought out the dessert and coffee, while doing so Harry and I finished opening the books we had been gifted which included Good Night Moon, Guess How Much I Love You, The Creature Of Habit, Follow Your Dreams Little One, The Very Hungry Caterpillar and so many others.

Anne cleared her throat before standing up and giving us a wrapped box, “I know I have already gifted you some things, but I wanted to give you these, I have been dreaming of being able to knit for my little love and well now, I dream of seeing them use everything I”, I opened the box and felt instant tears in my eyes.

The first thing I pulled out was a yellow set with a bonnet, then there was a white sweater with cherries and a little headband, I then pulled out a pair of booties with a little pom-pom, a bunny lovey, two rompers, and a beautiful, knitted blanket, while I was admiring it Anne spoke up

“I will embroider their initials once they get here”, I placed everything beside me and stood up to hug her, “Thank you so much Anne, this baby is so lucky to have you as their Nana”, she laughed a little and let out a sob, “They’re even luckier to have you as their mum darling”, when we pulled back everyone had tears in their eyes.

Harry made his way to us, and we had another group hug, Harry then leaned to whisper in my ear, “Should we show them?”, I nodded and pulled back with a smile, “Hey guys, would you like to see the nursery?”, smiles, cheers and nods filled the dining room when we made our way to the nursery.

We stood up outside and let Anne open the nursery, “Oh…”, they all walked in and started looking at all the furniture and decorations we had chosen, “I cannot wait to see them in here”, Gemma was looking at the pictures we had hung up, “I love these pictures! And the ultrasound”, I went and stood up next to her, “We just have to set up the books and we will be done”

Harry came and stood up next to me and rubbed m belly, “You hear that little love? Give us a day and then you can come, okay?”, laughter was heard all around the little nursery and I squeezed his arm, “They’ll come when they are ready to come”, he smiled at me, “And I cannot wait for that day to come”

November 28, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

New York, New York. 6:00 PM

Hi, my little love, I cannot believe you could be here any day now, it is crazy to think that just over nine months ago you were only a smudge and now I can even see your knees and elbows roll all around my belly.

There is so much to update you on little one, first and foremost everyone is back here! Your Nana Anne, Grandpa Des, uncle Micha,l and auntie Gem finally got to meet you, and you did get a scolding from her and your daddy on your almost early arrival, but they were just jesting, they are very happy and excited to see you.

We were also very lucky because your aunts and grandma and your dad organized a baby shower for us, it was bunny themed, which is very accurate because we now call you bunny love, all our guests gifted you a book lovely, and they wrote a letter for you to keep, I have stored them in a box, and I will show it to you one day <3

Your bassinet also arrived! Daddy was very nice and helped us put it together and it is now sitting in my bedroom and waiting for you to sleep in, I also have finished setting up our changing and post-partum stations.

Today is a very special day for your daddy baby, he is playing the last concert of his tour, it is truly special because he was very sad when he couldn’t start touring because of the pandemic, so being able to be back with your aunts and uncles in the stage and with his fans.

We are waiting for your aunt Glenne, and we will head over there and congratulate your daddy and give him a hug and kiss. Once the concert is over, I will be sure to let you know how it was! Also, please try to hold up until after his concert yeah?

A knock in the door made me close the diary, grab my bag and head to the door, I smiled when I opened it and Glenne was standing at the other side, “Mrs. Azoff you look smoking hot tonight!”, she pulled me in for a hug and smiled, “What about you huh? You look breathtaking!”

I smiled at her, “How much time do we have before we leave?”, she looked at the clock, “Uhm, maybe twenty, why?”, I smiled, “Do you wanna see the nursery?”, her eyes went as big as saucers, “Of course I want to! Come on show me!”, we made our way into the nursery, while she looked, I sat down on the rocking chair, she smiled and turned to look at me

“It’s crazy really to think that there will be a teeny tiny baby here so soon”, a hand ran down my bump, “I don’t know if teeny tiny is the best description according to my last appointment, but yes, it is crazy”, she squeezed my hand, “I cannot wait to kiss them”

November 28, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

New York, New York. 8:00 PM

My heart started beating so fast when we pulled into the arena and I could see all the fans waiting for H, the vibe of the place was beautiful and I teared up thinking how proud I was, Glenne handed me my lanyard, and we made our way into the arena. While walking to the backstage area we found Jeff on the way there and he greeted us and let us know he was going to get some special guests for tonight.

We got to the greenroom where we said hello to the band and their family, along with Anne, Gem, Des, and Michal who had gone to catch a show, about ten minutes after we got here the door opened and jeff walked in with some guys and Olivia, I could feel Glenne tense behind me

“G are you okay?”, she sighed, “I promised I would control myself, but I truly wanna give her a piece of my mind after the shit she pulled with you”, I gave her a surprised face and turned to see if any of Harry’s family member caught anything of that, “Glenne shh! Please, I don’t want any more drama”

She then turned to see behind me, and a surprised loom took over her face, “They don’t know?”, I shook my head, “Or at least that is what I think, they haven’t mentioned anything to me; so either H told them not to say anything or they truly don’t know”, she whispered, “Knowing them, they would have lost their shit on Harry, Gemma maybe even on her, which in my opinion should be done”

I gave her a stern look, “You will not say a single word, Glenne, please, I don’t need the added stress”, she sighed and squeezed my arm, “I'm sorry, I really cannot believe that she had the audacity to discuss custody arrangements with H”, I sighed, “I know, but still, I need to be amicable with the future stepmother of my child”

Glenne stood up straighter when she saw someone behind me, before I could ask her what’s wrong, she muttered, “Speak of the devil”, I hit her arm “Glenne!”, I shushed her and turned to see that Olivia was making her way to us, I smiled through my facemask and waved my hand, Olivia stood in front of us and said hello, I had to nudge Glenne to say it back

“Hi Y/N”, “Olivia, hello”, before any of us could speak up Glenne asked, “What the hell are you doing here”, I gave her a stern look asking her to shut it, “Harry invited some of the Don’t Worry Darling production crew”, she hummed in agreement, tension was stiff so I tried to break it, “Thank you, by the way for the gifts, they were lovely”

She smiled a little, “The kiddos chose them, Daisy was so excited to buy them”, I nodded, a few seconds later she cleared her throat, “Uhm, I’ll go back to the crew, just wanted to say hello”, “You definitely should”, I spoke up, “Glenne, that’s enough”, Olivia gave me a sympathetic smile, “It’s okay, I know I deserve it, I just hope you guys are happy”

I furrowed my brows before turning to see Glenne, “What did she mean”, she gave me a teasing look, “Oh please, I know you know”, before I could speak up cheers and hollers were heard and we saw Harry had entered the room, I smiled when I saw him.

I stayed in the back of the room with Sarah, we had agreed I would watch little baby Rowland so that the nanny could enjoy the last concert, it had been about twenty minutes since H entered the room and he was still saying hello to people when he suddenly hugged me from behind and kissed my head, Sarah saw my face and gave me a look that it was okay, I turned to give him a hug and he kissed my forehead and then rubbed the belly, “You ready for this last ride?”

“I am, I will be cheering with baby Rowland”, he furrowed his brows and gave me a put, but God the urge to kiss his lips was very intense, “Why? I want to see you from the stage”, before he could mope more, I spoke up, “My feet are killing me H, and I am running out of breath faster than before”, he squeezed my arm, “But you are okay yeah?”, I nodded.

Jeff then cleared his throat and told everyone they should occupy their place on the pit before H was set to perform, I noticed that Harry did not acknowledge Olivia and that weirded me out, but I tried not to think too much about it, H hugged his family and he then leaned to kiss the belly and whisper to the baby that they should enjoy the concert.

He then stood up gave me a lazy smile and pulled me in for a hug, everyone had let us say pour goodbyes and he pressed his forehead to mine, he then quietly whispered, “Please forgive me for what I am about to do”, I furrowed my brows but before I could ask anything I felt him place his hand on my cheek and nudge his nose with mine before I felt his lips on mine.

I placed my hands on his cheeks and he squeezed my shoulder with his other hand; I truly don’t know how much time passed but we eventually had to pull back, he gave me another peck before pulling back and smirking at me, before he exited the room he turned and called my name, I turned to look at him, “Thank you for the good luck charm”

I walked out of the room and found Glenne holding baby Rowland, she handed him to me, and we waved to her, after she disappeared to the pit entrance and we walked into the dressing room and sat down on the floor to play; my mind was going a thousand miles along with my heart, he kissed me, I smiled and felt my lips with my hands, they were still tingling, oh God, it felt so wrong but so right, and I wanted him to kiss me again.

November 29, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

New York, New York. 11:30 AM

After the success of the concert yesterday we ended up ordering some pizzas and lounging on the green room, Olivia left with the producers of the movie before dinner arrived, and Harry, well Harry was clingy and emotional. I was still processing what happened.

Jeff and Glenne, along with Anne and Gemma had planned this surprise brunch for H to celebrate the tour success and everyone was having a great time, I hadn’t been able to catch up with H and discuss what happened yesterday, but I knew we eventually would.

Glenne sat down next to me and handed me the drink she brought me, I gave her a small smile and took a gulp, I was so thirsty, she took a sip of her drink and I looked around the party when I furrowed my brows, “Hey Glenne, where’s Olivia?”, she gave me a funny look

“Why do you ask? I think we had enough of her, didn’t we? And besides I don’t think this is the place where she should be”, I turned to look at her and ran a hand down my belly where this baby was kicking up a storm, “What do you mean? Why? She is Harry’s girlfriend, isn’t she?”

Glenne snorted a little, when she saw that I didn’t laugh she sat up straighter, “Oh my God, he hasn’t told you”, my heart started beating so fast, “Who? Harry? What has he not told me?”, she shook her head, “I don’t think it is my place to tell you”

I grabbed her hand, “Glenne what happened?”, she sighed, “I really think you should ask Harry”, I gave her an angry stare, “Glenne Christiaansen Azoff do you want me to go into labor from the worry?”, she shook her head and sighed.

She made sure that there was nobody eavesdropping in our conversation and then she grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze, “Babes, Harry and Olivia broke up in L.A.”, my heart stopped beating and my head was spinning, I whispered, “What?”

She sighed, “Look, I don’t really have a lot of information on what happened, but I know things are over between them; and they did not end up on very good terms”, she squeezed my hand, “You okay?”, I nodded, “This is a lot to take in”, Anne appeared behind me and said, “What is a lot to take in love?”, I froze and Glenne spoke up, “The fact that Bridgerton Season 3 will be about Colin and not Benedict right?”, I nodded and smiled.

Gemma and Anne sat next to me and were rubbing the belly and were discussing the names that H and I may have chosen because we had decided to keep them a secret until bunny is here, when all of a sudden I had an urge, so as I stood up I told them, “Hey I will go look for H, I need to talk to him”, they all nodded and I started walking to where I could see him standing with Harry L, Mitch, and Jeff.

November 29, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

Harry. New York, New York. 12:00 PM

I was so thankful for the party my family had thrown for me, after the rush of the concert yesterday and the rush of kissing Y/N I was on Cloud 9, but add this party to the mix, I felt like bursting.

I haven’t had the opportunity to properly talk to Y/N, but just seeing her mingle with my family and friends made my heart burst enough, Jeff and Mitch had updated Harry L on my whole dating relationship, and I rolled my eyes as they teased me, but I took it gladly, I was busy watching Y/N and when everyone turned to see what I was seeing they started awwing before Harry L spoke up

“So, to what realization did you come after our conversation?”, he took a sip of the drink he had in his hand, the after party in full swing, I smiled and sighed before speaking up, “It’s always been her, there hasn’t been a moment when she was not, and I’m so stupid for having just realized this and having us go through so much heartbreak” I then turned my head to see Y/N with Gemma, my mom and Glenne, all of them caressing the bump, “And I vow to do whatever it takes to get her back”

Mitch clasped my back and they all laughed, “About damn time, and I know things will work out between you two, because you are soulmates”, I smiled and suddenly Jeff cleared his throat and I turned to see Y/N coming my way so they left so we could be together.

I smiled and so did she, I opened my eyes and kissed her forehead, “Hi you, I’ve missed you”, she squeezed, “I’ve missed you too”, we stayed like that for a few seconds before she cleared her throat, “Uhm, listen…”, I nodded and smirked, “I think we should talk about yesterday”, my heart dropped to my stomach, shit I screwed up, until I saw her smirk and my heart started beating faster, “Oh, you wanna talk about yesterday?”, she nodded.

I whispered in her ear “Meet me in five in the other side of the rooftop yeah?”, she squeezed my hand and said, “How about we do it now? Everyone is distracted”, I bit my lip and smiled, she grabbed my hand and turned to see if everyone was watching, we started walking to the other side of the rooftop. As soon as we were out of view, I pulled her into my arms and smirked, “So, where were we?”, she smirked and placed her hands on my neck and pulled me into her lips. I felt like crying because for the first time in a long time, I was home.

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suinotsuki · 1 year

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College AU: Behind Closed Doors (And One That Wasn’t)

A/N: I just decided to post my fanfics also here on Tumblr. But, all of these are cross-posted to my AO3 account too along with the other SenHaku Week 2021 fanfics of mine! Fanfic Links: AO3 | FF.net