#AND WHY IS IT HAPPENING WITH *BLACKBEAR* OF ALL PEOPLE | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hiraethenthusiast · 3 years

Text

The Hollandairé | t.h.

pairing: ceo!tom x ceo! reader

word count: 16k+

synopsis: exes cross paths on a big event. will they be able to forget each other's mistakes?

warnings: language, sexual innuendos, mentions of an anxiety attack (if you squint), talks about miscarriage, my favourite angst.

a/n: well, well, well im back from a very shitty writers block! look at me, writing angst with exes? oof. can you tell that i absolutely love angst and makeouts in the end? i was somehow inspired by 'idfc' by blackbear to write this fic lol. it took some time and ofcourse i went overboard with it, so hope you enjoy! don't forget to like and reblog! (i even made a moodboard kinda thing uwuwu)

--------------------------------------------------------------

"Conan I won't hesitate to knee you in the crotch if you don't stop pulling me off this sofa right this second" You tell your roommate, who is desperately trying to get you to go to a gala with him. Being a CEO brings its pros and cons. Pros being, you have a private jet, you're your own boss and you can shout at people with a reason. Cons being, annoyingly nice roommates. You had just shifted to a penthouse in downtown London with your friend Conan, because you refused to stay alone in this bigass house. (You tried living alone once, you were bored to death)

"Conan leave me alone yoo!" You said whining and hunching back into the sofa.

"Get the fuck up and get ready for the launch dude you promised me you wouldn't leave me hanging" Conan shouts over the voice of the t.v. blaring in the background. You pull you hand away from his grip and reach for the remote to shut off the t.v., focusing back on this tall red-headed figure in front of you.

"You know I don't like fancy shit." You grumble.

"It's YOUR fancy shit, get up Y/N." He says and reaches for your arms now, finally making you stand.

"Call Laura, I really don't want to go." You say pulling your phone out from your back pocket and handing it to him.

"If you haven't realised, your manager is the one who forced me to force you to attend the introduction of your fashion line" He fights back.

"- and Y/N. Hey, look at me. You've dreamt of this for how long? Almost all your life. And if you miss the chance to see your empire expand, it's gonna be devastating. You'll obviously miss the fashion show who's got the actual Rudy Pankow walking on a ramp, you'll also miss the opportunity to see people happy with YOUR work. Now get your ass up and get ready." He says and leaves the room, to get ready himself.

It's not that you don't want to go, you really do. Afterall, all of it is your hardwork. But the reason you're not going is because of that asshole. That asshole with whom you used to go out with once, the one who's current goal is to bring you down. The one and only, Tom Holland. You two used to date at some point, the ones who were in love actually, but the rivalry you two have got going on now has lead to you two knowing too much about each other. More than you know about yourself, the other knows it all. Small arguments turned into big ones, that eventually lead to the two of you leaving each other alone. You don't want to go because whenever you meet him, it all turns up into a big mess and your night is typically ruined, and you weren't in the mood for that, atleast not today. He's just a narcissistic bitch who thinks of nothing but degrading you. And that's the reason you don't want to go. Because you know if you talk to him one more time, these banters will persuade you.

But you do realise that you have to go. You have to go because you haven't gone to the last two launches for your perfume and swim line as well, and if you don't go today, Laura will actually end you.

So you just chug all your tea, leaving the kitchen with a grunt to go get ready.

"Hey Marco, can you send in that pantsuit I got done the other day? Look over for modifications if possible, although it looks great in just the solid colour, and please get it drycleaned." You tell your designer over the phone, to which he agreed and you go into your room to get your hair and makeup done.

"Wear a dress to the launch of your fashion line when it gets famous, yeah?"

"Pantsuits all the way Holland, you know I hate dresses."

"I know you do."

You remember the faint memory from over two years ago, that dream actually coming true, just without the person you dreamt it with.

You put your hair in a low bun with a middle part, giving you a classy formal look, and you do a almost non existent makeup look, only your eyes bold to accent with your outfit. Marco drops off the forest green pantsuit at your house, you giving it a twist with wearing a lace corset beneath the blazer.

"I look hot." You told yourself.

You and Conan leave for the event, you fidgeting in between 15 minute durations, Conan reassuring you that he'll be with you until the night ends.

That didn't last long. You lost Conan as soon as you entered the venue, so you occupied yourself with having conversations with other company owners, hearing how they're doing in the industry, blah blah blah.

"Do I look like I care?" You say to yourself.

You move ahead, only to cross paths with the one and only. He was wearing a cherry coloured perfectly tailored suit, adding a hint of Tom with the glasses. He looked good.

"And what do I owe this pleasure, Ms. Y/N?" He says, twirling his champagne glass in his hands.

"Look Holland I really don't have time for this shit, please take a goodie bag on your way home" You say with a bit of sass and start to move away, only to get your arm held back, making you bump in his chest.

"I see you wore the pantsuit you always wanted to wear at your event, angel " He says, making you pull away from him.

"Don't ever call me that again, and this is a warning." You were about to continue further with your answer, but you were utterly shocked to see the person in front of you.

"Is that the Y/N Y/L/N, in person, the one who's way too busy to answer my phone calls?" He says, making you laugh a bit.

"Jaeden?" You say, laughing heartily.

"In the flesh, tigeress." He says, doing grabby hands at you as an indication to pull you in a hug. You oblige and walk towards him and give him the biggest bear hug you've given anyone in two years. You pull back just to hit him on the chest once, playfully ofcourse.

"Tigeress. Oof haven't heard that in a while" You keep your conversation going on with Jaeden, while Tom is absolutely dumbfounded about whatever just happened in these past few seconds.

There's this hot guy named Jason or whatever, who calls you 'tigeress' and you aren't pestering him for calling you with a nickname but you definitely were ready to give Tom a piece of your mind when he called you 'angel'? Who is this guy?

Tom goes off to find Conan, who was situated at the bar downing a shot of tequila.

"Hey who's that guy Jason?" He asks him, pointing towards you and Jaeden in the middle of the hall.

"You mean Jaeden?" He says, biting onto a slice of lemon.

"Yeah whatever who is he?" Tom asks again, turning towards to bartender asking for a glass of whiskey.

"Why do you want to know?" Conan shoots back.

"Just curious. Can you just fucking tell me now?" Tom tries again, getting frustrated now.

"Chill dude. Jaeden used to work with Y/N a long time ago. He had this crush on her for like forever, but then Y/N went in for entrepreneurship and they were just not in contact with each other." He says.

"Crush huh?" Tom says, gripping onto his glass so tight that his knuckles almost turned white.

"Why do you look like you're about to murder someone?" Conan asks, getting concerned.

"Because I might." Tom says, grinding his teeth while forcing a smile.

The night goes by pretty smoothly, for you. You and Jaeden were clinged to each other almost the whole night, and then Tom watching you both from a distance, trying not to snap hard at people. He just took enough of it, he had to do something. He wasn't really sure why was he jealous, 'maybe because you love her' his heart said, but his mind crossing paths with a 'no you don't' in the middle. He was in a dilemma, but was mostly leaning towards his heart's side. He finally got up from his seat and walked towards you.

"Y/L/N." He says, keeping his composure.

"Yes?" You turn around to come face to face with him, laughing on something Jaeden had said.

"Board of Directors want to meet you on third floor. I was going that way only, wanted to inform you." He says.

"Oh okay. Jaeden I'll be back in a few. And tell me about that Mario Kart incident." You say, your laughter dying as you walk towards the elevator, motioning Tom to move as well. You both enter the elevator and you click the button for third floor.

"So Jaeden's a long lost friend, I assume?" He tries to small talk, failing miserably.

"Yeah, I used to work with him a long time back. Why do you ask?" You say, being the nicest you've been to Tom in two years.

"Just making small talk. So, exactly how long ago, you used to work with him?" He tries again.

"A really long time ago." You tell him.

"When we were dating?" He says, hesitating.

The elevator dings and you reach third floor, both of you moving into a very empty hallway.

"Why do you care Tom?" You say, making him frustrated even more.

"Because you're my fucking ex-girlfriend whom I'm worried about because that asshole has a mega crush on you" He says, making you jerk your head towards him.

"How many whiskeys have you had?" You ask him, because he was sounding oblivious that's for sure.

You turn around to open the meeting room to find it empty, making you glare at Tom once again.

"Why the fuck did you bring me up here Holland, where's the meeting?" You say, narrowing your eyes towards him.

"There is no meeting Y/N, the Board didn't show up this year, remember?" He says moving and fidgeting around the room.

"Then why did you bring me up here, dumbass?" That put him over the edge. He starts walking towards you making you take a few steps back, finally cornering you in the room.

"Because that guy is fucking flirting with you Y/N. That guy has been roaming around the whole night with my girl, touching and hugging my girl in front of me and you expect me to keep my calm? Huh? I don't fucking care okay? You're supposed to be mine and I was a jerk who let you go. I can't stand seeing you with other people. What the fuck is wrong with you Y/N, why did you leave me?!" He shouts at you, making your blood boil even more.

You push him back and stand in front of him, glaring as if you were going to rip his head off.

"No Tom, YOU left me, alright? I cried almost every night after that day when you left, and you didn't even have the empathy to give me a call. You, are too self-absorbed, and not me Tom. It was all you. I haven't been to even one of my launches just because I know you'll be there, you'll be there to put me down again. And why the fuck do you care about whom I talk to huh?" You shout at him.

"Why would I come to every single one of your launches Y/N?! To see you! To see the person who understood me more than I did, just to fucking see your face and calm my nerves!" He shouts back. He moves towards you and holds you chin to put your eyes at his eye level.

"Look at me Y/N. Look at me. Did we mean anything to you? Did I mean anything to you? Look at me in the eyes and tell me you never loved me. Tell me I meant nothing to you and I'll leave this second. Tell me that this was all a lie." He says, making your eyes water.

"You know I can't tell you that."

"Then why do you keep hurting me Y/N?! You hurt me so much! You left me when I needed you the most! I wanted you and you weren't there-" He shouts again.

"SHUT UP TOM, SHUT UP! Stop it! Stop! Please. Stop." You're crying hysterically now, hunching up in a corner trying to calm yourself down. Tom immediately sees it and runs towards you holding your hands and cradling them.

"Hey, hey Y/N. Look at me, look at me baby. It's Tom. Hey baby. I'm here, yeah? I'm here. Stop crying come on babe, please. Love, look at me. I'm here." He says, now running his hand over your cheeks wiping your tears.

"Go away. Go away from me." Is all you say, which makes his ears perk and brings water to his eyes.

He stands up and moves out of the room, closing the door just to hear you crying again. He sits down on the floor with his back on the door now, crying, waiting for you to say something.

"Please, open the door." He says, bursting into tears and hugging himself with his arms, wishing it was you.

Fifteen minutes pass by and you still haven't said anything. Tom misses you so much, and it was so fucked up of you to leave him like this. He was hurt, but he could never stop loving you. Ever.

"Losing you would be a nightmare that I'd beg to be awaken from everyday." You say opening the door, your eyes blood red, hair disheveled making Tom look at you, whose eyes were blood red too.

"What?"

"I was pregnant, Tom." You tell him, making his eyes widen and holding your hand for comfort.

"The day-" You clear your throat "The day we fought is when we lost the baby. I was going to tell you I was pregnant that day, but then that happened." You were crying a bit more now, but still held you composure so you can handle Tom from now.

"The argument gave me too much stress and, and it was affecting the baby so as soon as you left, um, my stomach started aching really badly and, and yeah we lost our baby then. That's why I left." You say, you were crying on his shoulder now, intentionally ignoring his reaction because you knew it would hurt him.

"We, we- lost our baby?" He says, a bit shocked but choking on his tears. You remain silent.

"Hey, hey. Listen. It's okay. It wasn't your fault. It was mine. I shouldn't have fought with you. You were already really worried and I just added onto your pressure. I'm so sorry baby I'm so so sorry." He was full-on crying now, he sniffled in your neck because he was too afraid to show his emotions.

"It wasn't your fault Tommy, it was ours." You say, running your hand in his curls. The way you missed his chestnut curls. It was all good again, well atleast you hoped.

Tommy. That always brought butterflies in his stomach.

You talked everything out in the bathroom, while washing your faces and cleaning up. You both understood that everything was going back to normal, just like the old times. One conversation lead to another, and you spent two hours on the bathroom floor just laughing and having gossip.

"It's been a while." You say laughing, looking at your watch.

"Yeah."

"Why did you say 'my girl' Tom?" You ask him directly.

"Hm?"

"You called me 'my girl' in the conference room. Why?" You tell him, and he instantly remembers that he did do that.

"You're in my head almost everyday Y/N. Even when you're not supposed to be. It shouldn't have been this hard letting go, but it was. I still love you, even if you don't." He says, taking some tissue paper off the counter.

"Who said I don't love you?" You say, making his eyes widen.

"Wha- wh- what are you implying here?" He stumbles upon his words, making you laugh.

"I still love you, you goof."

"Y/N you have to be serious you're making me want things I can't have." He says wholeheartedly.

You say nothing but grab him by his collar and kiss him with full force. After two years, you felt those soft lips on yours again, reminiscing every moment you had missed in these past years. They felt the same, soft and plump, just as if they were made for you. They fit in with yours like a puzzle, that was meant to be solved by these two hearts which were tangled, but now, in a right way. Tom kissed back almost immediately, feeling your lips was like a dream come true. A recurrent dream in his mind. You both pull back to see red and puffy lips and give out a light laugh. He doesn't stop, he keeps leaving peppery kisses all over your face mumbling sweet words again and again.

"I missed you so, so much angel." he says leaving a kiss on your nose.

"I missed you too bubba." you say leaving a small peck on his lips.

"Let's go now, we've been here for almost two hours." You start to move towards the door, but get pulled back by your waist.

"Tell Jaeden to maintain distance, yeah?" He says.

"Or what?" You say in a playful tone.

"Babygirl, I think you've forgotten what I'm capable of." He says, kissing your neck.

"I think I have. And stop kissing me I look shit." You say, laughing.

"I really don't care. You still look hot and I'm trying not to kiss you senseless right now." He says leaving another harsh suck on your skin, which can hopefully be covered by your blazer.

"Are you going to eyefuck me all night or are you going to do something about it?" You say, now kissing Tom's sweet spot.

"Finish this event in the next half an hour. I'll see you at my house babe." He says leaving one last peck on your lips.

You both reach downstairs after fixing your makeup and hair, you reach upto the stage and and hold onto the mic.

"Thankyou all for attending the event. We look forward to having more business with you! Don't forget to post something about our line 'The Hollandairé' on your social media platforms and don't forget to tag us! We are, The Y/L/N's thankyou have a good night!"

He listen to you and smirks to himself, because you do do what you say.

"I'm going to name my first fashion line 'The Hollandairé' " You say making a banner with your hands.

"And I'll be right with you then baby" He says, kissing your cheek.

Looks like he kept his promise too.

tagging some friends whom i think would like to read!:

@hollandslittlekoala @hollandsmushroom @leafy-holland @tomsoxytocin @scarletspideyy @t-lostinworlds

(pls do tell me if you don't want to be tagged further on!)

don't forget to reblog!

ilysmmmm. tpwk y'all!

#tom holland #tom holland and reader #tom holland fluff #tom holland gifs #tom holland smut #tom holland angst #tom holland x reader #raya writes #raya is a mohmaya #q #smut #angst #fluff #makeout #jealousy

190 notes · View notes

moonlit-jeno · 3 years

Text

evanescence (m.)

pairing: kim jungwoo x fem. reader

genre/warnings: ghost au, explicit sexual content, angst, fluff, mentions of death, some graphic violence/ gore, character death, brief mention of heights, i swear it’s not as bad as it sounds

word count: 7.8k

summary:

evanescence (n.): the quality of being fleeting or vanishing quickly; impermanence; i.e the evanescence of dreams

song to listen to: me & your ghost- blackbear, faded in my last song- nct, trampoline- SHAED, lonely heart- 5 seconds of summer, dreaming with a broken heart- john mayer

notes: evanescence i.e not the band who wrote my immortal <3 part of the almost collab!

The thing about fear is that it’s irrational.

Of course the doll in the corner of your room won’t suddenly come alive and kill you. Of course the spider on your ceiling is actually harmless. Of course nightmares won’t come true and haunt you in your daily life, won’t do more than bother you for a few minutes when you’re asleep. Knowing that doesn’t make it any less scary. Doesn’t stop the shivers from crawling up your spine, doesn’t ease your breathing when you curl into yourself in an attempt to hide.

Some people find comfort in crawling under their blankets, hiding themselves from the rest of the world as if the thick cloth will protect them. You don’t have that luxury. Because the thing you fear isn’t some axe murderer breaking into your house, or some mutant spider wrapping you up in a web. It’s not ghosts or ghouls or demons.

It’s sleep itself.

You used to love sleeping. Naps were considered a favorite hobby of yours, a way to escape from your obligations temporarily or lift your spirits during a bad day. But the line between like and dislike is thin, and the peaceful dreams you were accustomed to transformed into terrors that torture your nights and leave you shaking and sleep deprived when you wake.

Coffee becomes your best friend, the drink becoming a crutch that you use desperately to avoid reliving the nightmare that haunts you every time your eyes fall shut. It’s always the same scene: a basement, a young man being tortured by a masked figure. Punched, strangled, stabbed. It’s always in that order, with the exact same amount of punches and stabbings each time- six. It’s worse than any movie you’ve ever seen, worse than anything that you can imagine. And yet it doesn’t get any less horrifying as time goes on, as you relive the same thing over and over again.

The only thing that changes is the point of view. Sometimes you can see it from his perspective, begging for mercy from an expressionless figure whose ears fall deaf to the boy’s pleas. That’s the worst, you think, because you can feel everything. It leaves you frantically checking yourself for wounds and marks and bruises, the vividness of your dream leaving you shocked when you find your skin unmarred. Sometimes you watch from the corner of the room, able to see everything yet unable to help, your voice stuck in your throat when you attempt to cry for help. And sometimes, you’re the killer, repeatedly delivering blow after blow in a body you can’t control.

Tonight’s different. Instead of the boy strapped to the chair, it’s you.

You shake and cry out, trying desperately to free yourself of the restraints. They aren’t strong, and yet your limbs feel like jelly and you can’t break free of them. A shadow looms over you and you look up, expecting to see the killer, but you don’t. Instead, the boy stands over you.

His features are softer like this, not scrunched in pain or splattered with blood and bruises. He smiles gently at you.

“Hello,” He says, kneeling down in front of you. One hand lands on yours and the restraints fall away, your limbs now free. “I’m Jungwoo.” You just blink at him. “I’ve seen you in my dreams.” Jungwoo’s smile falters a bit, and he huffs a humorless laugh. “That… yeah. That’s less of a dream and more of a…” He trails off, shrugs. “Memory.”

It takes a moment for it to process fully. Memory? If that’s his memory, then that means that he had to go through all of that. “I’m- I’m so sorry. Who put you through that?” He shrugs. “Dunno. But I wouldn’t pity me too much.” There’s a tight lipped smile on his face. “I’m the one that’s made you go through it, too.”

You blink once, twice, and feel the sympathy in your bones turn to fury. “Why?” You ask, tears brimming at your eyes. “I didn’t do anything to you! And you still tortured me, every night. Do you know how terrified I was? I am?”

“I’m sorry.” Jungwoo says, eyes downcast. “I didn’t even know I was projecting onto you at first. I would just get so consumed with what happened that night, and I guess you would relive the scene with me.” He takes a slow step towards you and raises his head. “I never meant to hurt you, I’m sorry.” You nod, because what can you say? Jungwoo doesn’t seem to know either and he stands there, shifting from foot to foot, looking everywhere but at you. “So.” You start, head tilting to the side curiously. “How does this work?” “How does what work?” Jungwoo seems surprised, but whether it’s by your question or by the fact that you’re able to string a coherent sentence together is lost on you.

“I dunno. This. Like are you a ghost? Do you just like, live inside my head now.” “Yeah, I mean I’m dead so I must be a ghost. Haven’t had much time to talk to people and ask.” It’s not meant to be funny, but you can’t stop yourself from laughing. You clear your throat to cover it, trying to focus your energy on your next words. He doesn’t look too hurt at your amusement, though. His eyes are twinkling.

“Hmm let’s test it. If you live in my head, you should be able to hear my thoughts right?” Jungwoo stares at you, bringing one hand up to stroke his chin thoughtfully. Finally, he snaps his fingers. “Got it! You want pizza.” “Nope! I want you out of my head.” Your smile is sickeningly sweet. Jungwoo rolls his eyes, tongue sticking into his cheek briefly before laughing.

“Well, I want to be alive but here we are. Guess we’re at a standstill.”

Guilt fills you and you open your mouth to apologize, but Jungwoo disappears right before your eyes. You try to call out after him but it’s too late, the dream’s over. The annoying beep of your alarm replaces his soft laughter and you groan, fumbling with your phone to turn the sound off.

Classes pass quickly for once, although you’re so lost in your thoughts that you don’t register any of the material. You’re done for the day before you know it, finding yourself at a cafe with Johnny. “You’re in a good mood.” He comments, looking at you with his eyebrows furrowed. “Did you get replaced by aliens?” You roll your eyes. “I can be in a good mood, Johnny.” It’s rarely true because you’re normally running off of approximately six minutes of sleep, but hey, it still counts.

Johnny raises his eyebrows. “Y/n, you’re never in a good mood. Not even when your best friend is here.”

“My best friend is here? Where?” Johnny gives you a deadpan expression and you laugh, popping a grape into your mouth. “Kidding, you know I love you. But guess what: I actually slept last night!” He gasps so obnoxiously loud that he inhales the chip he was holding and chokes around it, slamming his hand down on the table and hacking his lungs out. You put your head in your hands until he finally recovers. “You slept? You actually slept? Holy fuck, you did get replaced by aliens!”

“No aliens, John. No nightmares either.” Johnny, though he’s your best friend, doesn’t know the details of your dreams. He knows that they’re bad enough to make you cry and curl up in his arms from time to time, knows that you chug energy drinks to avoid sleeping, but that’s about it. No gruesome murders in sight for him.

“Holy shit, that’s great! We should celebrate.” Johnny reaches across the table to high five you, grinning from ear to ear. “Wanna come over and crack open a few cold ones?” He bites his lip and you know that it’s taking all of his effort not to finish that sentence.

You appreciate it, but you shake your head. “I’ve got a lab report to finish plus like two papers due. I really don’t have time.” That’s only slightly true. Yes, you do have homework, but you normally wouldn’t let that stop you. The itch to see Jungwoo again, however crazy it may sound, is driving you crazy and for once in your life, you can’t wait to fall asleep. Seeing Johnny’s expression drop makes you feel a little bad for bailing on him with a ghost. “Maybe this weekend?”

“Yeah, for sure.” Johnny grins again. “Hopefully you get to sleep tonight.”

The nightmares seem to go away permanently after that. Your dreams always take place in that one room, but Jungwoo’s always there to greet you. A month passes and you learn a lot about him, almost to the point where you see him as a friend. Almost. Because you can’t really be friends with someone who isn’t alive, right? But he feels real. His spirit is still alive, to the point where you forget he’s a ghost who you can only talk to in your dreams, and that’s what matters. Except tonight when you fall asleep, you open your eyes to sand and salt water, gentle waves calmly lapping at the shore. Strange. Jungwoo sits with his back facing you, knees drawn up to his chest. He doesn’t look up when you sit down next to him, but he does speak when you say his name softly.

“I think I figured out why I came back.” Jungwoo says, eyes concentrated on the water. “My brother’s in danger.” His head drops to rest on his knees and you pat his back, not knowing what to say.

You don’t learn what Jungwoo meant until the next night, the man so distraught that he isn’t able to form words before your time’s up. The scene is different again this time, a playground replacing the beach from the night before. Jungwoo sits on a red plastic swing, his feet dragging on the ground sadly.

“Hey Jungwoo.” You call out the greeting gently, taking a seat next to him. “Are you okay?” He nods, laughs a little. “Yeah, sorry for freaking out last night. It’s just. It’s a lot.” “Sounds like it is. You wanna talk about it?” You pat his knee comfortingly and he stares at your hand for a long moment before covering it with his own.

He tells you about his brother first, about how much he misses Mark, about how bad he feels for leaving him on his own. Mark’s younger than him, but only by a year, and he was nowhere near as good as him at FIFA. He tells you that he doesn’t remember who killed him, but that as soon as he was transported to the beach, he knew his brother was in danger. There’s no explanation on how the beach told him that, but you have no place questioning the afterlife. You listen patiently throughout the whole story, and it seems to help Jungwoo, his shoulders sagging with relief when he’s done.

“So whoever killed me,” Jungwoo squeezes your hand, stares at the woodchips dragging around. “They’re going to kill my brother next.”

“So we find your killer. Easy.” You squeeze his hand back. “Mark’s going to be okay, Woo. I promise.”

Tonight’s dream takes place on a rooftop. There are lights strung up that lead you straight to Jungwoo, the man facing you with a smile on his lips and a twinkle in his eyes. His arms are outstretched and you walk into them, sighing softly when he wraps you in his embrace. Lips press to your forehead and you swear you’ve reached heaven. “Dance with me.” He whispers it as if you have a choice to disagree with him when he looks this good. You nod and bury your face in his chest, swaying with him under the stars. There’s music playing now, music that you didn’t hear before, and he hums softly to it as you dance. A squeal leaves you when he spins you, dipping you down before pulling you close, your back to his chest. His lips graze your ear and he laughs before spinning you back around and pulling you into a kiss.

It feels so good and you find yourself getting lost in his touch. The warmth of him against you, the solidness of his chest under your palms. It’s so nice, so comforting, so… real. But it can’t be real. Because this is a dream, because Jungwoo is dead. The thought is enough to jolt you out of your haze and you try to pull back, need to pull back, but the hand on the back of your head holds you still and it feels so good that you almost don’t want to pull out of his embrace. “Jungwoo,” you mumble his name against his lips, not wanting to pull away from the kiss but needing to know the answer to your question. “Jungwoo, are you real?”

“I’m here, aren’t I?” Jungwoo chuckles, pulling you back for more. “Don’t I feel real?”

A gasp leaves you when his hand slips lower to your ass, squeezing before slipping between your thighs. He finds little resistance, easily reaching under your dress and past the thin panties you’re wearing to swipe through your folds and enter you, stretching you out deliciously well. You cling to him as if he’s your life line and not the other way around, letting him take you apart with his fingers. His name leaves your lips in a sob and you press your face against his neck, clutch at his shoulders. “Please, Jungwoo, please.”

Both of his hands slide to your ass and he picks you up easily, your legs wrapping around his waist automatically. He carries you over to the ledge of the roof, setting you down on the cool stone. He barely gives you time to take in what’s happening before he’s dropping to his knees in front of you, his eyes dark and so intense that you can’t look away from his gaze as he attaches his lips to your thighs. You slide one hand into his hair and he moans into your skin, the vibrations traveling through you as he kisses his way up your thighs and to your core. A sigh leaves you and you put your other hand behind you for balance, your heart dropping to your stomach when your fingertips wrap around the edge of the balcony. “Jungwoo!” You yelp immediately trying to stand up when you look behind you and see the darkness below you, decorated with lights from buildings so far down that they’re almost as tiny as the stars above you. “Jungwoo, I’m gonna fall. Ohmygod I’m gonna fall, Woo-”

“Shh,” Jungwoo hushes you, rubbing your thigh soothingly. He reaches for your hand and laces your fingers together, taking a moment to press his lips to the back of your hand. “Look at me, y/n. You’re not going to fall, okay? I’ll always be here to catch you if you do.” Something in his eyes looks so honest, so sincere, and you find yourself nodding slowly.

“Okay.” Your voice comes out as a whisper, too scared to raise it any louder and break the moment between you. “I trust you.” Jungwoo smiles up at you one more time before lowering himself down to your core. His free hand lifts the edge of your dress up and he takes his time rubbing slow circles into your clit, sighing out praises about how good you are when you shake from the unbearably intense sensation. His eyes stay on yours the whole time, even as he lowers his mouth to your pussy and eats you out like a man starved. It feels so good that you can barely process it, squirming against him and letting your eyes roll back.

“Fuck, Jungwoo,” You whimper, feeling your orgasm build up in the pit of your stomach. “Shit, c’mere.” You use the hand buried in his hair to tug him up, pressing his lips to yours for a sloppy kiss that feels way too good for the moment. He rubs messy circles into your clit that have you clutching him tight to your chest, crying out his name so loud that you’re sure the entire city can hear you. “You like that?” Jungwoo asks, although his voice is so cocky that you’re almost entirely sure he knows the answer. “Fucking love it,” You pant out, orgasm so close you can taste. “Love you, ohmygod.” The end of your sentence cuts off with a whine as you come so hard you nearly black out, holding onto him so tightly you’re sure you would’ve broken at least one of his bones if this were real.

If this were real, if he were real. If this wasn’t a dream with a ghost. The realization washes over you like cold water and the dream disappears before you in a flash, leaving you trembling and empty in more ways than one. Your hand is tingling and when you look at it, you realize that Jungwoo didn’t let go the entire time.

You’re not in your bed when you wake up. It takes you a moment to realize it, the weight of your dream still heavy on your mind, but then you open your eyes and process your surroundings and realize that even though you’re awake, you’re back in your nightmares.

A scream leaves you and you jolt out of the chair, falling flat on your ass. You scramble backwards a good few feet before relaxing, realizing that your mind was just playing tricks on you. This is no nightmare place, it’s just your basement. Except…

That chair is definitely the chair from your nightmares- or well, Jungwoo’s murder. You’ve never seen it down here before, but then again, you never go into the basement. It’s been years since you’ve been down here, the room always giving you the creeps. And you’ve never sleepwalked- you can’t fathom why you’d be down here.

“Jungwoo?” You whisper, not even flinching at the gust of cold air as he materializes next to you. “Why am I down here?” “This is where I was murdered.” Jungwoo murmurs, his gaze distant, cloudy. You furrow your eyebrows.

“Here? Are you sure?” He nods strongly, not an ounce of hesitation on his face. You get to your feet and watch him pace around, tentatively poking at objects. A violent shudder runs through him when he touches the chair. “Jungwoo, this is my house.” He freezes. “This is your house? Then you must know who murdered me.”

There’s a long second where you just stare at him, not knowing what to say. Thoughts abandon you and your mind goes blank, leaving you to shake your head and stutter out objections. “W- No, Jungwoo, I can’t-” A deep breath, a heavy exhale. “No one ever comes down here, and I can’t remember the last time I even had people here.”

“Well someone had to come down here!” Jungwoo presses, motioning at himself. “Y/n, I’m dead. You could help me find who killed me.”

You spend hours thinking through every person you know, mulling over all of your friends and anyone else who has ever been to your house. Parents are ruled out immediately- they live across the country, first off, and your mom nearly cries whenever she so much as swats a fly. Jungwoo tries to help, but he doesn’t know anyone the way that you do, and he’s a tad bit negative.

“Okay, but how do you know they’re not killers.” He asks, tone flat. “I mean, do you have hard evidence? Because somehow none of them are killers, and yet…” He smiles humorlessly and holds his arms out, doing a twirl for you. “I’m dead.” “I’m trying.” You say tiredly, pinching the bridge of your nose. “It’s just hard. Literally no one ever comes over, and I can’t picture my friends as killers. Plus, no one has access to my house except for me.” You purse your lips, staring at your sad little notepaper list with dozens of names scratched out. “Is it possible this happened before I lived here?” Jungwoo shrugs. “Yeah, I guess.” He doesn’t look convinced.

You purse your lips, groaning in defeat when your mind stays blank. “I’m sorry, Woo. We’ll figure it out eventually, I promise. I just can’t think right now.” “Hey, it’s okay. Thank you for helping and not like, I don’t know, calling an exorcist.” Jungwoo presses himself to your side, poking your cheek when you laugh, and his presence is so comforting that it’s easy to forget that he’s not really there. You swat at him good naturedly, your laugh cutting off early when you realize that he’s disappeared. You call for him a few times, panic racing through your mind, until he manifests again a few feet away from you.

“Ohmygod, I’m so sorry! Did that hurt you? I didn’t know that would happen!” You jump to your feet, reaching out to him on impulse before thinking better of it.

Jungwoo laughs softly, but his form flickers. “It’s okay. I guess you can only touch me in dreams.” He smiles, but it’s with his mouth closed tight. The chair becomes visible through his form as he flickers again.

The mention of touch jolts your memories and you scratch the back of your neck nervously. “Wait, Woo, I meant to ask.” He looks at you expectantly, humming for you to go on. “Last night, in the dream. Was that like, was that really you?” “Hm? Are you asking if it was real or not?” Jungwoo asks. You nod, unable to look away from his gaze. “It was me, y/n. I’m real.”

You nod, lips pursed as you think it over. Jungwoo smiles though it’s hollow, hard to see the usual light in him when he’s nearly translucent again. “I’ll see you tonight?”

He doesn’t wait for an answer before vanishing, leaving you alone in the cold basement.

“Yeah.” You whisper softly, a dark cloud hanging over your head.

“What’s in the bag?” Johnny asks you, nodding towards your bookbag. It’s normally empty, save for a notebook or wallet, but today it’s stuffed full of newspaper clippings and binders.

“Nothing.” You shrug. “Just some old articles.”

Johnny thumbs through a stack of the papers before looking up at you, his forehead creased. “On murders?”

“Yeah. They’re interesting. Figured I should know the history of the town I live in, right?” You take a sip of your coffee, hoping you don’t look as insane as you feel. It’d taken you hours of searching to find those articles, digging through the library archives and reading murder after murder to find ones that seemed similar to Jungwoo’s case. They were unsettling, to say the least, and the fact that someone had taken a life under your own roof left you jittery. “I mean, I guess?” Johnny shakes his head and thumbs through a few more, hesitating at one of the clippings before shoving them back in your bag. “Kind of an appetite killer.” He says, pausing after a second and laughing. “Hah, get it? Killer…” The cold stare you give him has him sobering up quickly. He clears his throat. “Anyways. What else have you been up to? You’ve been kinda distant lately.” Have you been? Probably. “Sorry.” You shrug. “Caught up in my work, you know how it is.” Johnny wiggles his eyebrows. “Seeing a new man?” You shoot him a withering look. He throws his hands up innocently. “Woman? Person?”

The word ‘ghost’ is on the tip of your tongue, but that sounds insane even to you. You can’t be seeing someone whose body fades out of existence when you so much as blow air on him too strongly. “No, Johnny. I’d tell you if I was dating someone.” “Promise?” He asks. You hold your pinky out to him, interlocking the digits and offering him a smile. He grins back. “Good. You wanna come over tonight? Play some video games, order some pizza?”

It sounds good, and you really don’t want to be alone at your house after discovering it was the site of a murder, but you don’t want to leave Jungwoo. He’s kind of counting on you for something big, plus you have all those articles to show him…

At your hesitation, Johnny pouts. “Come on, I feel like I’ve barely seen you for like, a month. Please? It’ll be just like old times.” The promise of old times has your resolve fading, and you give into his whining. He cheers and knocks your coffees together, dramatically complaining when the liquid splashes onto his sleeve.

Taking a nap had seemed like a great idea when you had gotten home from lunch, but it’s the first time you’ve dreamt without Jungwoo in your dreams, and all of the nightmares were so genuinely disturbing that you wake up sobbing. Every room seems so foreboding that you can’t bring yourself to sit in the house any longer and you run out the door without any further thought. The rain soaks through your thin sleep clothes and you find that you have three missed calls from Johnny, but you don’t bother to call him back. You’ll be at his place soon enough, and the rain is starting to blue the screen too much for you to see. Or maybe it’s your tears, you can’t be sure, and you really don’t care.

You knock on Johnny’s door, stepping back and impatiently shifting from foot to foot before stepping forward and knocking again. Exhaling harshly, you raise your fist to knock again. The door opens.

A very disgruntled Johnny stands before you, one hand wiping at his face. His hair is disheveled and you have the conscious thought that he must have just woken up, but your brain is flying a million miles a second and you don’t have time to spend worrying about if you’ve interrupted his beauty sleep. “Y/n?” Johnny yawns out, opening the door wider. “You were supposed to come over like 3 hours ago.” His sentence goes unfinished as you push past him, grabbing his wrist and dragging him to the living room. With your hands on his shoulders, you push him down to sit on the couch. He looks less tired and more confused now, which makes sense considering he’s never seen you act like this- you’re not even sure that you’ve ever acted like this- but he keeps silent, trusting you enough to tell him what the fuck is going on. He patiently puts his hands on his knees, watching you pace around the area.

It takes you a while to formulate exactly what to say to him. How exactly do you tell your best friend that you’ve been helping a ghost solve his own murder without him attempting to send you to a psych ward? After a few moments of pacing, in which you accidentally leave a trail of muddy footprints on Johnny’s carpet, you pause.

“This is going to sound insane.” You start, facing Johnny. He nods encouragingly, motioning for you to go on. “I need you to believe me. Promise me that you’ll hear me out until the very end.” Johnny nods. “No, I need you to promise me.” Maybe it’s how frantic your voice sounds, or the fact that you’re soaking wet and still breathing heavily from your run, but Johnny promises without hesitation. His voice is soft and his eyes are wide and you thank God for giving you such a good best friend. You search his eyes with your own, and finding nothing but encouragement and trust, you begin.

“Okay, so. You know those nightmares I’ve been having?” A nod. “Okay, so apparently there’s a ghost living in my house that’s been like, projecting their memories onto me.” Johnny blinks, not even trying to hide the skeptical look on his face. “Before you say anything, I know it sounds crazy. But ghosts are real. Jungwoo- Jungwoo’s real.” Johnny inhales sharply. “His name is Jungwoo?”

“Yeah. He was murdered 4 years ago in my basement. My basement, Johnny.” You take a deep breath, shuddering. “Whoever did it is still out there, and Jungwoo thinks that his brother might be in danger.” You shift anxiously from foot to foot, hands wringing together in front of you until Johnny takes them into his own, thumbs rubbing over the backs of your hands to calm you. “I know it’s a lot to ask, but can you help me find him? I just need to make sure that he’s okay, and I know it’s silly that I promised a ghost but-” “I’ll help.” There’s a reassuring smile on Johnny’s face when he interrupts you, and you breath out in relief. “It’s okay, y/n. I believe you.”

You launch yourself forward into his arms, hugging him tightly. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. I don’t deserve you.” Johnny laughs. “Yeah, you don’t.” He pulls back from the hug long enough to look you in the eyes. “For right now, let's go to bed, yeah? You really look like you need some rest.”

“Okay, so here’s his address. I mean, I think it’s his address.” Johnny looks over your shoulder at the satellite image of Mark’s house, nodding. “We can get there in about two hours.” Johnny hums, stepping away from the computer. “I can get us there faster than that, don’t worry. C’mon, let’s have some coffee and then we can go.” He makes sure you eat something that actually has nutritional value before you go, even going as far as to pack a bag before you hit the road. Johnny does his best to reassure you throughout the drive, but you’re a nervous mess. You compulsively take sips from the water bottle Johnny had forced you to take with and it’s empty in no time, leaving you to drum your fingers along your thighs and squirm with a full bladder.

The house looks so much bigger, so much more foreboding in person. Johnny gives you a reassuring look and after a deep breath, you knock on the door. It takes a few seconds before it creaks open to reveal a man around your age peering at you through black-rimmed glasses that sit crookedly on his face. “Hello?” “Hi, Mark?” he nods, looking you up and down. “Do you have a moment to talk? I just have a few questions, it w-” He’s already moving to close the door before the sentence is even out of your mouth. “Wait, Mark!” You manage to wedge your foot in the door before it closes and he groans, rolling his eyes.

“Look, I’m really not in the mood to buy anything, so if you could just please-” He tries again. “It’s about your brother!” You exclaim, finally succeeding in getting Mark to listen. He freezes and stares down at you dumbly. His eyes stay on you for a little too long before lifting to look behind you.

“Johnny?” Mark asks, eyes widening. “Is that you?” You look over to find Johnny standing behind you, a soft smile on his face. “Yeah, it’s me. How you doin, kid?”

Mark lets you into the house after tackling Johnny into a hug, offering you tea and a seat on the couch. “I didn’t know you knew Jungwoo,” You whisper to Johnny, watching Mark grab cups from the kitchen.

Johnny shrugs. “Never had a reason to bring him up.” He definitely could’ve brought him up earlier, like when you mentioned you were seeing his ghost, but you brush it off as nothing. Maybe he didn’t want to upset you.

Mark returns, offering you each a cup of tea before taking a seat on the couch opposite you. “Wow, it’s been so long.” Mark laughs, clutching his tea for dear life. “It’s so good to see friends of Jungwoo’s again. It’s like, it’s not the same as seeing him but. It’s nice.”

“Good to see you too, Mark.” Johnny smiles. “I looked all over for you after Jungwoo’s death, but I couldn’t find you. When did you move?” Mark sniffs. “Um, I think like a month after it happened. They arrested the guy that killed him and I dipped. It was too painful to see all those little reminders of him everywhere.” Mark sniffs again, and wipes harshly at his eye. It makes you tear up a little too, thinking about how fondly Jungwoo talked about his brother, how unfair it is that they got ripped apart so soon. One phrase sticks out to you and you manage to reel yourself back in before you start crying too hard.

“Wait, they caught the guy? Do you know who killed him?” You side eye Johnny because he must have known that the killer was caught already, and it doesn’t make sense that he didn’t tell you considering that was the sole reason for this trip.

“Um, well. Jungwoo uh, he had a sort of accident.” His hands are shaking, you notice. Some tea spills onto his leg. “He used to go out to all these parties and he swore he’d be safe but I guess he slipped up this one time.” Mark takes a deep breath and his voice cracks. “He was driving home from a party and he probably thought he was fine but he was way too drunk and he hit a pedestrian. He drove away but her boyfriend saw the whole thing and followed him.” Mark drops his head down and sobs a little.

Johnny moves to comfort him and Mark calms down after a few moments, skillfully changing the topic away from his dead brother. All the water that you drank in the car finally catches up to you and you excuse yourself for a second. Mark’s laughter rings clearly from the living room and you can’t help but to laugh too, smiling at Johnny’s ability to make everyone happy. You fix your hair in the mirror, a little spring in your step at the thought of being able to fulfill your promise to Jungwoo.

You wish he was with you right now as you walk down the hallway back to the living room. There are so many pictures on the walls, Mark’s accomplishments framed proudly. It sends an ache through your heart that you’re here to see all of this by yourself. It’s only then, when you’re picturing Jungwoo exploring the house with you, that you realize how quiet it’s gotten.

Frowning, you call out Johnny’s name. You get no response and call out again, finally catching movement out of the corner of your eye. “Johnny, why’d you sneak up on me?” A laugh leaves you when you turn to fully face him, cutting off only at the flash of color that slowly fades to black.

Your head is throbbing when you come to, vision taking a few seconds to clear up. A groan leaves you and you shake your head softly, coming face to face with Mark. A Mark whose mouth is covered with duct tape. You freeze, eyes widening, then look down to find that the rest of him is bound, too. “What-”

Panic surges through you when you realize that your hands and ankles are bound too, and you jerk your head to the side, frantically searching to make sure that Johnny’s okay. You don’t find him. It’s only you and Mark in the room. “Johnny? Hey, whoever the fuck has us down here better leave Johnny the fuck alone!” You might currently be tied up, but the fact that your best friend is missing and potentially hurt overtakes any concern you may have for yourself. Mark’s eyes widen and he shakes his head frantically. You furrow your eyebrows and go to ask what he means, but you don’t get the chance.

“Oh, don’t worry. Johnny’s just fine.” The sentence comes from the man himself, standing right in front of the door. Relief fills you, turning to dread the second he closes the door and flips the lock. “You however…” “Johnny? What are you doing?” You ask, watching as he rolls his sleeves up to the elbow.

He tips his head to the side, looking at you with confusion. “Isn’t it obvious?” The glint in his eyes matches the knife he picks up, the dim light catching on the shine of the blade. “For someone who apparently experienced Jungwoo’s death dozens of times, you should be able to figure it out.”

You blink once, twice, and then your eyes bug so far out of your head you worry they might fall out. A soft wheeze leaves you as your chest constricts, panic blooming in your gut. Johnny wheezes too, but his is a wheeze of laughter. He’s amused.

His eyes slide down to Mark, whose eyes are glimmering with fresh tears. “Did you know it was me Mark? Did you know it was me who killed your brother?” The boy shakes his head frantically, tears free-falling down his cheeks now. There’s some muffled cries that you think sound like no, but the tape traps them and makes him incomprehensible. “Really?” Johnny asks, stepping forward until he reaches Mark and then squatting down in front of him.

“Liar.” Johnny whispers, dragging the syllables out. The point of the knife presses into the boys throat, and while the noise Mark makes is barely audible, you can feel his suffering. There’s a tense moment as Johnny increases the pressure, Mark leaning backwards as far as he can to get away, before Johnny pulls it away. Mark exhales strongly, relaxing a little bit. He’s still crying. “It doesn’t matter, though.”

Tears would probably be rolling down your cheeks if you could process what was happening. But shock has taken ahold of you, and you can only watch helplessly as Johnny turns to glance back at you. “Thanks to y/n, now you’ll never get the chance to tell anyone.”

Johnny whips back around in record speed and slices the knife right through Mark’s throat.

A scream leaves you and you fall forward, unable to do anything but watch in horror as the line in Mark’s neck wells with blood, the poor boy convulsing in horror. A wretched gurgling noise leaves him as he chokes and frantically gasps for air, made even worse by the duct tape over his mouth. Johnny sets the knife down delicately and uses that hand to pinch his fingers over Mark’s nose, effectively shutting off his air-flow. The fight drains out of Mark’s body along with his life, and it’s just a few more seconds before he stills completely.

You can’t think of anything to say, can just gape at Mark’s body as Johnny lets go of him and the boy hits the floor. Johnny turns to you next, picking the knife back up.

“It’s a shame you’re always so curious, y/n.” Johnny sighs, shaking his head. “You’re my best friend, I’m going to miss you.”

There’s the faintest breeze against your cheek bone, your hair blowing to tickle the back of your neck. You try your best not to shiver when it starts blowing against your wrists. It takes you a moment to realize that it’s not a draft from an open window, but it’s Jungwoo. He’s not visible, probably because he’s focusing his energy on freeing you. If Johnny notices anything wrong, he doesn’t say anything. Your wrists aren’t free yet, but you can feel the rope loosening. If you can buy yourself some more time…

“Why are you doing this? Why did you kill Jungwoo in the first place?” Your question obviously catches Johnny off guard and he stops walking, glancing off to the side and sighing softly. He seems to have an internal debate but then he shrugs, settling down on the floor across from you. It calms you a little to have him seated instead of looming over you, and you try your best to stay absolutely still.

When Johnny speaks, there’s a hint of regret in his voice. It’s hard to tell if it’s manufactured or not. “Jungwoo and I were best friends. We always had each others backs, always told each other everything. Ride or dies.” His eyes lower to his knife and he smears the blood around the blade with his thumb. “I was the one who hit the girl. I was drunk and it was stupid, but when I called Jungwoo to help me get rid of the body, he refused. He wanted to call the police, y/n. The police.” His eyes are brimming with tears now, and he looks up at you with an urgency that tells you to believe him. You don’t of course, and you can’t tell if he’s trying to convince you of his innocence, or himself. “My own best friend wanted to turn me in, y/n. I couldn’t let him do it.”

“How did you even get into my basement?”

“You were at a training retreat in the mountains for that job you ended up hating that weekend. I knew that your house was empty and where the spare key was, plus I knew that no one ever went into your basement.” Johnny shrugs. “His body’s in the backyard, in case you were wondering. Buried him under the dahlias.” The red dahlias, your mothers favorite plant. How many times had she gone out to water and tend to the flowers, unknowing of the poor boy who lay beneath? Your breath catches in your throat and you finally can feel tears pricking the back of your eyelids.

“You’re sick.” The sentence is barely above a whisper, but it carries enough weight with it. Johnny’s entire demeanor changes, his face twisting into an ugly scowl.

“I’m sick? I’m not the one that was going to betray my best friend by letting him rot in jail! How fucking dare you.” The ropes fall off of your wrists and you grab onto them to prevent them from hitting the ground and alerting Johnny. All that’s left is the rope on your ankle, and then you can make your move. “Yeah? Aren’t you betraying your best friend right now? Just like you did last time?” “I should’ve used the duct tape on you.” He murmurs, tightening his hold on the knife.

There’s enough give in the ropes that you can wiggle your ankles. You just need a few more seconds. “Why didn’t you?” “Ran out.” Johnny breathes, lunging at you. You squeak and roll to the side, groaning when your legs refuse to function. Sitting on them for so long made them feel like jelly and they tingle as the blood rushes back to your limbs. “What the- you little bitch.”

Johnny attacks again and you dodge yet again, doing nothing but rolling around and avoiding him. You definitely can’t beat him in a physical fight, but you can probably beat him in other ways.

Johnny’s breath catches in his throat. “J-Jungwoo?” He stops moving, obviously trying to process how someone who is clearly dead can stand in front of him. Unfortunately, his body doesn’t quite get the memo, and he trips over Mark’s form. A sickly thud resonates through the room as he falls, followed by a deafening silence.

When Johnny doesn’t move for a few seconds, you step closer to examine him. The first thing you notice is that there’s a little stain under his chest that’s steadily getting bigger, contrasting starkly against the wooden floor. The second thing you notice is the acrid stench of blood, too strong for the small room you’re in. Third is the tip of the blade sticking out of his back. After checking his pulse and finding nothing, you roll him over. You find the hilt of his knife sticking out of his chest and your breath catches in your throat. He must’ve landed on it when he tripped. You slump against the wall and try to catch your breath, staring at Johnny’s limp body and waiting for him to lunge at you.

He never does. You look up to say thank you to Jungwoo, but you don’t get a chance. He looks right at his brother’s limp body and disappears, leaving you alone in the room.

You sleep as much as you can, hoping that Jungwoo will pop up in your dreams again. You cry when you sleep and you cry when you wake, until you get to the point where your eyes burn and your face swells and you can’t physically cry anymore. You cry until you’re exhausted and yet you can’t sleep, can only frustratingly toss and turn and scream silently through your raw throat, praying to a god that you don’t believe in to let you see Jungwoo, just one more time. That’s all you need. Just one more time to say goodbye.

Promises are mumbled into your pillow and chanted in your mind but there’s only so much you can do to keep them. You swear to never forget Jungwoo but the words are meaningless and do nothing to stop his face from fading. Slowly, his features become less clear in your mind, his laugh blending with countless others until you can’t differentiate them. You get him a proper grave in a cemetery, and you go from visiting his grave every day to going every few days, until weeks pass before you remember you wanted to leave flowers for him. The flowers last even less than your promises, wilting and rotting on the stone, becoming a sadly unrecognizable mess. You do your best to clean it, and you cry so hard the first time you see the mess that you almost black out, but it’s now a sight that doesn’t even phase you.

Time doesn’t stop to wait for you. It’s not long before you finish grad school and get a job offer in a city 1500 miles away, much different from this one. Your sister drives down to help you pack, easily helping you throw things that you need into a suitcase and counteracting your hoarding tendencies. Something catches your eye just as you’re leaving and you pick it up, frowning at the little resin flower.

“What’s that?” your sister asks, leaning in over your shoulder. “Is that a dahlia?”

“I don’t know.” you furrow your eyebrows, trying to place why it seems so familiar, before shrugging. It makes a hollow sound when you toss it into the trash that seems to echo much too loud for such a tiny object.

She heaves your suitcase into your arms. “Ready?”

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

You don’t look back.

#jungwoo fic #nct fic #jungwoo smut #nct smut #nct angst #kim jungwoo angst #nct 127 angst #nct 127 smut #jungwoo angst #nct 127 fic #kpop smut #kpop fic #kpop angst #nct: almost

359 notes · View notes

hangovercurse · 3 years

Text

Why Are You Here?

What happens when Y/N and Colson catch each other in a lie? And what could possibly happen on the bathroom counter at 12:05 am?

Colson x Reader

Warnings: Smut (18+), unprotected sex, cursing, probably some more idek.

A/N: I know people have done this before, but I fuckin love this song and this plotline

Word Count: 3444

The harsh light coming through the blinds woke you up, your eyes instinctively closing. You groaned as you came to realize where you were, the arm laying on your hips your first clue. You threw the tattooed arm off of you, sitting up and dangling your feet over the edge of the bed.

The man in your bed groaned, reaching out for you. You chuckled, finding the shirt you wore last night on the floor and throwing it on, pulling your panties up your legs. “C’mon Colson, it’s 10:45, you know the rule.”

He grumbled again, rolling onto his back. “The rule says I still have 15 minutes.” His arm reached up to cover his eyes from the light as you chucked his shirt at him.

“If you want to walk out of my house naked, be my guest. But if you’re still in here after 11 the deal’s off.” You walk into the bathroom, taking a look at yourself in the mirror. You hear the blond man follow behind you, seeing him in the reflection. He had his boxers on, which was a start at least.

He came behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and dipping his head to connect his lips to your neck. “So,” he started, pressing a kiss to the skin, “I’m not gonna-“ another kiss, your eyes closed, “be in town-“ you let a small moan fall from your lips, “tonight.” His lips paused at your ear, his hot breath hitting the sensitive skin. “So, I guess you’ll have to find some way to entertain yourself.” He smirked, making eye contact with you in the mirror.

You smiled, your eyes darting to the watch on his wrist. “7 minutes.” You whispered, walking out of his arms and back towards your bedroom. “I’ll probably just stay in again tonight, without you this time.”

You sat on your bed, watching him struggle to pull his jeans up. You giggled as he searched for the shirt he wore the night before, finding it hanging from your lamp. “I’ll see you tomorrow night then?” He asked, walking over to you.

“If you’re lucky.” You grinned. He leaned down, pressing a kiss to your lips, and letting you go with a smirk. “2 minutes.” You whispered. He chuckled, leaning in to kiss you again. You wrapped your arms around his neck, standing up.

He let go, biting his lip and walking backwards towards your door. “Tomorrow night. My place.”

You nodded, a small smile on your face as he turned, his shirt still in his hand. You watched the way his back moved as he strutted out of your room, the toned muscles accentuated at every step.

Hours later, you got a text from Matt, better known as blackbear.

Friend of mine is throwing a party tonight. Come with?

You and bear had been friends for a couple months now, meeting, surprisingly, through Colson. You were just friends, but you loved partying with him. He was fun. And if Colson couldn’t be with you tonight, maybe he could be.

Yeah! When and where?

He answered quickly.

Pick you up at 10

It was 8:30, so you decided you could start getting ready. You went to your closet, looking at the pieces in there. The first thing your eyes landed on was an elegant white 3-piece lingerie set. It had lace designs all over it and straps for days. It was your favorite piece of lingerie you owned, and Colson’s favorite too.

Your finger ran along it, your head tilting. What would be the harm in wearing it? You’d feel sexy as hell.

So, you did. You hid it underneath an oversized T-shirt and baggy jeans, high heeled combat boots and a chain belt to match. You knew bear’s friends weren’t the fancy party types.

You walked into the house, the smell of weed and alcohol hitting you immediately. You intertwined your fingers with bear’s, his eyes glancing up at you, questioning you. You ignored it, dragging him through the crowd to the makeshift bar set up in the kitchen.

You downed two shots before grabbing a vodka sprite cocktail. Bear followed suit, dragging you to the middle of the crowd to dance. His hands grabbed your waist, you both swaying to the music and laughing at nothing.

Unbeknownst to you, Colson had walked in a few minutes later, hand in hand with a girl who looked a lot like you. He spotted you almost immediately, and then he saw the hands around your waist and the drunken smile on your face. He was so busted if you saw him.

“Want a drink?” He half-yelled over the music to the girl next to him.

She shrugged, “I don’t really drink.” Colson tried to keep his shoulders from visibly slumping. He nodded, grabbing the girl’s hand, and leading her to the opposite side of the dance floor as you.

He was hoping that going out with someone that wasn’t you would help him let go of you, but this girl was not gonna be the one to do that. Luckily, he ran into Rook and Dub, both raising their eyebrows at the girl on his side.

Rook and Dub introduced themselves to the girl, who looked like she would rather be anywhere but here.

You and bear decided to take a break from dancing and headed to the wall, wanting to just talk. As you leaned against the concrete, your eyes caught a familiar face. You tilted your head, taking in the blond man that had woken up in your bed this morning. You chuckled, shaking your head before you saw the girl on his arm, stopping you dead in your tracks.

“What’s up?” bear asked, leaning over you with his hand supporting his weight.

“Nothing, just saw someone I wasn’t expecting.”

Bear nodded, turning his head to follow your gaze, still stuck on Colson. “You and Colson?”

You laughed, trying to hide the jealousy running through your veins. “Hell no.” You stood up straight, your faces very close to each other. “I’m gonna go get a drink, you want anything?”

Your noses were almost touching, which seemed to stun bear, as he was holding his breath. You stepped back, waiting for his answer. “Uh- no. I’m good.”

You bit your lip, heading towards the bar and closer to Colson and his arm candy. If he wants to bring other people around, then why not have a little fun.

Colson watched your interaction with bear, saw how close you got to him, how the man instinctively leaned in closer to you. His jaw clenched at the sight, eyes darkening.

“Dude, you good?” Dub asked, bringing his attention back to the conversation in front of him.

Colson nodded, trying to get the picture of you and bear out of his head. “Yeah, I’m good.”

The girl on his arm rolled her eyes and sighed. “This party is fucking stupid, let’s leave and go do something fun.” She whispered the last part in his ear, trying to turn him on. Colson was too distracted by you at the bar, chatting up the bartender, knowing he was watching.

“You can leave.” He mumbled to the girl; his gaze held on you. She scoffed and rolled her eyes, walking away from him. As she left, you turned to catch his eye, a smirk on your face. You were definitely doing this on purpose, the way you placed your tits to lay on top of the bar, a smirk on your face as you spoke to the bartender.

Rook laughed as the girl left, “Colson, are you sure you’re good, man.”

Colson brushed his concern off, “Yeah, I’m gonna go take a smoke.” He headed off towards the back door, pulling a joint and lighter from his pocket.

You looked over your shoulder, expecting to see Colson still staring at you, only to find him and his girl gone. You sighed, picking up your drink and heading back over to bear, who was waiting on the wall for you.

“Sorry, the bartender’s an idiot. He screwed up my drink twice.” You lied through your teeth, your free hand reaching up and resting lazily on bear’s neck. You were definitely a little drunk, but only enough to make everything around you a little euphoric.

“It’s all good.” The man leaned down, face very close to yours. He was definitely trying to kiss you. And honestly if Colson hadn’t been there you would’ve let him. But you had another target for the night.

You smirked, “let’s dance.” You grabbed his arm, pulling away from him and leading to the dance floor. You glanced at the clock, reading the numbers 11:35.

Colson came back 20 minutes later in a much better state of mind. If you were trying to make him jealous, it meant you wanted him to take you home, not the other guys you were with. But boy oh boy was it working.

He leaned against the counter, getting a cup of straight rum. You had strategically placed yourself on the outer edge of the crowd closest to the bar. He could see you swaying your hips to the music, bear’s hands dangerously close to your ass.

You looked up, catching his eye and smirking. You glanced up at the clock on the wall. 12 am. Midnight.

Finding his eyes again, you mouthed “Five minutes. Bathroom.”

Colson smirked, knowing he was right.

A few minutes later you told bear, “I gotta pee, be right back,” before heading towards the hallway, passing Colson. His eyes watched you, feeling like he was watching you in slow motion. He stood up straight and followed you to the hallway.

You had disappeared into the bathroom by the time he rounded the corner, so he had to try every door to find the bathroom.

When he found you, your clothes were off, leaving you in just your white lingerie. He bit his lip, eyes raking your body up and down. You were leaning against the wall opposite of the door, watching him through your eyelashes.

Colson locked the door, taking slow, calculated steps towards you. His left arm landed on the wall above you, his face leaning into yours. The pointer finger on his right hand traced the lace that covered your upper body, landing on the garter that wrapped around your thigh. He smirked, pulling the fabric away from your body and releasing it, the material meeting your skin with a pop.

“You didn’t know I was coming tonight.” His voice was low, his face dangerously close to yours. You could feel his breath hitting your lips and you wanted to swallow his words.

You shook your head as the hand near your thigh moved up to your hip, gripping the skin tightly and pulling your body into his. “Then why,” he breathed, his head dipping down to run his nose up and down your neck, stopping at your ear, “are you wearing that?”

You breathed in through your nose as you felt his dick through his tight pants, spreading a warmth through your body. You could already tell you were soaking. “Maybe I was hoping to find someone who could fuck me as good as you do.” You whispered into his ear as his lips made contact with your neck, biting the supple skin.

He pushed his hips up into you, his hard on pressing even harder against you. “You know you won’t ever find anyone else as good as me.” He growled, pushing away from you, and throwing his shirt off, his jeans coming off shortly after.

His hand came back to your skin, this time grabbing your breasts and massaging through the thin material. His other hand dragged its way down to your clothed pussy, massaging circles against your clit. You bucked your hips into his hand, moaning a quiet “I know.”

He chuckled, his face moving in front of yours as you bit your lips, trying to keep your moans of pleasure quiet. “Don’t be quiet baby, I want everyone to know how good you feel.” His lips met yours in a rough kiss. You brought your arms around his waist, nails dragging lightly across the skin. He smirked into the kiss as his hands moved to unclasp the top two pieces of your lingerie.

Your breasts fell out, and Colson wasted no time in grabbing them in his hands, taking the small buds in between his fingers and squeezing. His lips left yours and attached to your nipples, biting and sucking, leaving an array of hickeys across the skin. You moaned at the feeling of his tongue circling your nipple. “Always love sucking your tits.” He moaned, sending vibrations through your body.

He moved further down, reaching the top of your white panties. He bit his lip as he unclasped the material separating the panties from the garter. He pulled the former down, leaving your pussy exposed. His face was inches from your heat, and you fought the temptation to buck your hips into him. Colson’s eyes were trained on yours as he blew a stream of cold air at your clit. You rolled your head back, resting against the wall as you sighed in pleasure.

His lips connected to your clit, sucking the sensitive bud, sending flashes of pleasure through your body. Your hands tangled in his hair, pushing him further into you. You could feel him smile against your cunt, his arms wrapping around your thighs and pulling them over his shoulders one at a time.

With the easier access to your heat, Colson licked up your slit with a moan. “Fuck you taste so good.” He muttered, before darting his tongue into your pussy. He curled his tongue inside you, your body reacting to the feeling.

His hands moved up to your ass, squeezing and massaging your cheeks as he continued his attack on your cunt. You moaned, you hips rocking against his face as he ate you out. Your hands tightened in his hair, “Colson, I’m so fucking close.”

The man smirked against you, his tongue in your hole and his nose pressing against your clit. You could feel yourself nearing the edge, your hips bucking into his face as his pace sped up. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” You were so close.

“Want you to come on my face baby.” His voice sent you over the edge and you obeyed, your orgasm ripping through your body.

Your juices ran down Colson’s chin as he licked you up, a smirk playing on his lips. You moved your thighs off his shoulders, letting him stand up. Your hand reached up, wiping the cum off his chin with your thumb and then sucking it off, staring straight into his eyes as you did.

“Think you can take another one, angel?” His voice was soft but you could see the outline of his hard cock in his boxers. You nodded, biting your lip cheekily. Colson lifted you up and onto the bathroom counter then pulled the last bit of clothing off himself.

You took his length in your hands, pumping a few times. His head rolled back in pleasure at your movements as you relished the feeling of having him in the palm of your hand, figuratively and literally. His head came back up, connecting your lips as you continued to pump him.

He brought your lip in between his teeth as you lined his cock up to your entrance, teasing him with your slit. He smirked, knowing you thought you were in control, a thought that disappeared when he thrust into you, his length filling you up.

You both let out a string of moans, your legs wrapping around his waist. He pulled out of you almost completely before slamming back into you, causing another moan to fall from your mouth. Colson continued to slowly thrust into you, until you muttered, “Just fuck me already, Colson.”

His lips were at your neck again, leaving marks anywhere he could find room. He obeyed your command, picking up his pace but still slamming into you forcefully. His hand reached to your tit, grabbing the skin, and massaging it.

“Harder.” You whined and he smirked.

“You’re gonna have to do better than that, baby.” He growled against your skin. “You know how to beg.”

“Oh fuck, Colson, please. Fuck me harder.” You whined, his pace not changing.

“Even better.” He was gonna make you work for this.

“Please, sir, fuck me hard like the slut I am.” You begged, your eyes closing in pleasure as his pace sped up, his cock hitting the spot that had your toes curling.

He could feel you clench around him, “You like that, you fucking whore?” He kept thrusting into you, hitting that same spot. “You like it when I fill you up with my fat cock”

His hand came up to wrap around your throat, pressing just lightly enough to stimulate you further. You nodded, eyes rolling back in pleasure as you felt yourself getting closer to your second orgasm of the night.

“I can feel you getting closer, you want to cum around my cock?” You hummed out, nodding your head. He removed his hand from your neck. “Use your words.”

His thrusts were getting faster and sloppier, and you knew he was close. “Yes sir, wanna come around your big, fat cock.” You whined as his dick twitched inside you. His hand moved to massage circles into your clit, driving you right to the edge.

“Then cum, slut.” His thrusts sent you into bliss, warmth spreading through your entire body as your pussy clenched around him, his hot seed spilling into you. He dragged your orgasms out as long as he could, thrusting sloppily into you.

When he stopped, you were both breathing heavily, your head resting against the mirror behind you and his on your bare chest. When he finally got his bearings, he reached for the box of tissues on the counter, cleaning up himself and then you.

As you hopped off the counter, pulling your top back on, you looked at him, head tilted. “So, what happened to your plans out of town?”

The man in front of you paused as he pulled his pants up. “I didn’t know how to tell you that I was going on a date.” He answered truthfully.

You looked down, his answer disappointing you. “Oh. How did it go?”

He chuckled, giving you an “are you serious?” look. “She left and I ended up fucking you in the bathroom of some dude’s house.”

You nodded your head. “I thought you were gonna stay home tonight?” He asked, eyebrow raised.

“I was.” You paused, pulling your shirt over you. “bear invited me out after you left so, here I am.” You shrugged.

He struggled with his pants, “Was it a date?”

You shook your head, pulling your own jeans up your legs. “Maybe he thought it was, I dunno. Just wanted to have some fun.”

“And you wore that because…” Colson trailed off, expecting an answer.

“In case I had fun.” You bit you lip, a smug look on your face. “You’re not mad that I went out tonight, are you?” You secretly hoped he would say yes.

“No, you can do whatever you want. You don’t need my permission to fuck other people.” Colson’s shirt covered his tattoos as he shrugged it on. “You don’t care that I went on a date tonight, do you?”

Yeah, I really do. “No, I don’t care.” You shrugged, moving to the mirror to fix your hair and makeup. “Just tell me when it gets serious so I can find someone else…” You trailed off, knowing that sentence wouldn’t end the way you wanted to say it.

Colson nodded, making eye contact with you in the mirror. You giggled, grabbing a tissue, and facing him. “You have lipstick on your nose.” You wiped it off as well as the smudges near his lips. Your hand stayed close to his lips, holding his face. Every bone in your body told you to kiss him for real, but you knew he wouldn’t kiss you back.

But he was thinking the same thing. He tried to laugh it off before he actually did kiss you and mess up what you had going on.

“So, we’re all good then, still just friends with benefits?” He asked as he turned back towards the mirror, fixing his hair.

You smirked at him, “Oh, Colson, we’ll never be friends.” You grinned as you walked out of the room, leaving the door to close behind you.

#mgk #mgk imagine #mgk angst #mgk smut #machine gun kelly #machine gun kelly imagine #machine gun kelly smut #Colson baker #colson x reader #colson baker imagine #colson baker angst #colson baker smut

223 notes · View notes

seasurfacefullofclouds1 · 2 years

Note

The fact that most larries like to blame everyone else but harry for whatever issue or situation it is but don't hesitate to shit and blame everything on louis! I mean they blame the other party for every relationship harry has as if he's some 4 years old kid who knows nothing, as if he's so gullible. But if it's louis then "no it's his fault, he's not a kid, he should do something about it". They give harry the benefit of doubt for so many if not all things he actually might have control over but they never do that for louis and if someone questions it then you become a "rad" all of a sudden, which is what happened to me.

There are so many red flags and they still turn the other way around and sing praises about how nice and good harry is because apparently he says hello to people.

I asked a friend, “Larries allow people to believe that Larry may have broken up. Yet they cannot allow anyone to criticize Harry, in any way. This happens to the best ex-Larries, the ones who were respected and massively followed [not me, btw]. Why does logic always always stop with Harry?

They replied, “It’s easier to say for certain that Larry is over now, that it was beautiful but sad, than to come to terms with how Harry has always been like he is now.”

We also talked about a string of lyrics that appear in Louis’ songs:

• And I worry one day I’ll wake up and you won’t know me. Changes, blackbear

• It’s hard to think that you could ever hate me. Too Young

• Nothing wakes you up like waking up alone. Walls

• We wake up early morning and they're still under the sheets. Defenceless

The worry was that they would go to sleep with problems and when they woke up, the problems would still be there… or worse. It’s the worst feeling in the world- knowing that his mother was dying of a terminal illness and he was losing his lover. Then we add in the uncertainty of his career, it’s a miracle that Louis persisted, with whatever compromise he had to make, however he had to.

I’m very sorry for your treatment by Larries, but in that fandom, whoever criticizes Harry is going against their god, and make no mistake, there is only one god. Louis is Harry’s servant like all of them.

In their imagination, Louis is meekly waiting at home until Harry has his own MCU action figure and Goop empire. They SAID this. Out loud. Can they even have an ounce of credibility as a fan?

#Louis songwriting

14 notes · View notes

perseusjackson-jasongrace · 3 years

Text

Snowy Favours

i wrote this for one of my favourite humans in the entire world! @queen-of-demons-and-hell i just kind of forgot to post it on here oops

masterlist; my links

[image has alt text]

She smells coffee. And then pancakes, and then freshly squeezed orange juice. And suddenly she's three days into a Indonesian island holiday and there's sun streaming through her windows and the sheets draped over her bared skin are cool and if she opens her eyes she'll be met with ruffling lace curtains and the sight of the ocean just over the deck.

Annabeth Chase wakes up to silence. To darkness. To New York plunged into winter as if Khione had taken her rage out on the city over night. Snow covers the concrete buildings, already turning sloppy and muddied with the trek of never ending people. She is nowhere near Indonesia, nor in a villa overlooking blue waters. She is in her grungy apartment in her more-mattress-than-bed bed and the single window in her bedroom looks out onto the brick of the building next to her. In short its just another Monday morning.

The disappointment that floods through her is breathtaking. She feels her life swallow her up, wrapping around her lungs and squeezing as if it had taken lessons from a python. Her fingers curl around the duvet pulled over her as she stares at the wall, at the pictures littering it. She takes a deep breath, another, another. Slowly the python loosens, her heart returns to it's normal rhythm.

Glancing at the small pink clock on her bedside table she almost groans as she sees the time. Three minutes till her alarm rings. Not enough to dive back into bed but enough to consider it anyway. She forces herself to get up, feeling the cool of the wood under her feet and traipses to the bathroom where she is met with tile, the sudden cold pulls a hiss from her.

With a zombied look in her eyes she goes about her morning routine: pee, teeth, shower, change, scrounge around in empty cupboards for something at least half edible, scarf another energy bar when nothing better makes itself known, and then finally pack her bag and make her way out. She can do it with her eyes closed by now, sometimes she even does.

Still as she steps into the biting air that comes with snow her body wakes up considerably. With a curse that middles Greek and English, she twists her scarf tighter around her neck and pulls her beanie over her ears. She decides she can spare a moment to go to her favourite coffee shop this morning just to throw down a hot drink that hopefully scorches her insides.

With a determined step she sets off to the subway, earbuds shoved into her ears blaring "do re mi" by blackbear. A violent song for this early in the morning but one she mumbles along to all the same.

The coffee shop, as she so lovingly calls it, is more like a caravan sized hole wedged between two skyscrapers. It fits maybe five people comfortably, ten if you're looking to be smothered. But the coffee is beyond magical and they have the most decadent blueberry muffins she's ever had the pleasure to eat. Besides her best friend works here and really if anyone can turn her from bruised-eyed zombie to semi-human it's Percy Jackson.

The door creaks as she steps through, announcing her presence. She's too busy basking in the warmth of the little hovel to worry about the greeting thrown her way.

"Gods it's cold out there." She sucks in a breath, feeling her lungs defrost.

"Yes," Percy grins, "I suppose someone pissed off Khione again."

She rolls her eyes, as her body collapses against the black marble counter. "Khione gets pissed off about everything that's hardly an excuse to give us all frostbite."

"I suggest you take that up with her, because I cannot see any of us coming out alive after that conversation."

"Just give me a coffee you menace," She scrunches her nose in distaste, but cannot keep the playfulness out of her voice.

"Want a blueb?" He shakes a paper bag, something thumping inside. "On the house." The accompanying wink sets her cold skin on fire.

Her eyes narrow as she surveys him. His unruly black curls are kept back by three butterfly shaped clips, bright pink and probably Estelle's, and his skin browner— like dark roast coffee— from the weekend his family had taken in Spain three weeks before glows softly under the warm yellow light hanging above then. The black polo neck he wears under his "Holed Up" company t-shirt, makes his eyes look darker than normal. His jeans, faded blue, stand stark against the rest of his outfit. Even like this, in work appropriate clothes, he looks beautiful. Looks like the beginning of spring, and the happily ever after of stories, and the change of tides.

"What are you planning?" His look of incredulity almost makes her laugh.

"Why would you think I'm up to anything?"

"I've known you since we were twelve Jackson," She scoffs, as if his question is ridiculous in itself. "I know every face, every expression, every movement of your body. I know when you're up to something." She finishes off with a glare for good measure.

His green eyes are bright as he studies her, emotions warring across his face. To spill or not to spill. He pushes her coffee across the counter and she looks at him expectantly as she grabs the cup with both hands. Her numb fingers instantly start to sting with the sudden change in temperature.

"Fine." He sighs, looking at her through his lashes as if maybe be could get away with not telling her. She raises a brow. He curses under his breath and flops down on a chair hidden behind the counter.

"I need your help with something—"

Yes, of course, is on the tip of her tongue. She would do it. No hesitation. There's not much, not anything, she wouldn't do for him.

"But before you say no or worse get mad you have to hear me out." He finishes quickly. And then his eyes are big and pleading and she doesn't know if she wants to turn away or lean in closer, study that captivating green like it's the newest find in her paleontology class.

Instead she clears her throat, "What is it Percy?"

"I need you to be my fake girlfriend." He says it in one breath.

She almost asks him to repeat in case she hadn't heard right. But she knows she did. She knows she couldn't have heard anything else

He swallows. She blinks. He drops his head to his hands, a sigh already on his lips. She opens her mouth, snaps it shut.

"Okay I know it's...odd," He starts, "But I kind of got roped into going to a mixer with some people from my class and this one guy asked if we could go together but I don't really like him so I said no." Percy was rambling but she was too speechless to stop him. "But then he looked really hurt and I felt really bad so I kind of said I already had a partner which made him look less hurt but then Piper, the girl hosting the mixer, over heard me and said I should bring my partner along, since a few of them were bringing their partners, and you know I couldn't exactly back out of the lie after that so I said I would and well..." He gestures between them. "Then this happened."

Annabeth takes a sip of her coffee. And another, she downs almost half the cup before she has the ability to talk. "Why don't you just say your partner is sick on the day?"

It's her first question and instantly she wants to take it back. Because the flinch Percy tries to hide is enough to have her scrambling for a way to take back the words. Because it's not that she won't be Percy's (fake) partner, or even that she doesn't want to.

It's more that she doesnt know if she'll be able to draw the line between fake gestures and her very real feelings. Having a crush on someone for the better part of eight years tends to tug at her emotional side in a way that overules her logical one. Yes she can be Percy's fake girlfriend. No her heart won't believe the lopsided grin he gives her when he makes a bad joke will be 'just for show'. Yes she can hold hands with him and meet his friends. No she can't help the jump in her stomach as she sees the interlaced fingers.

"You don't have to." He says quietly. "I'll think of something." He waves it off, a small smile already finding its way onto his face. She knows, even without careful study, that it doesn't quite reach his eyes. She has to fix this.

"No." It comes out in a snap of rushed regret. "I will, I want to."

He looks at her, gaze wide, hesitant. "You do?"

She nods and then, as if the gesture isn't good enough stumbles through her words. "Yes, I want to." Her smile is shy, but the beam she's rewarded with nearly knocks her off her feet. "I think it'll be fun."

He scoffs at her, waving a hand. "Everything we do is fun. We're Percy and Annabeth."

And he says it's like there's no other way their names could be said. Like if someone says his hers must follow. Like if someone says hers his cannot possibly be far behind. He says it like they belong.

Her heart does a giddy sort of flip that spreads warmth through her chest and in her stomach, better than the coffee ever could.

"Okay Percy Jackson." She holds out her hand, to shake on. "Let's pretend to be madly in love."

With a wink, that causes her brain to explode, he takes her hand in his and turns it over before placing a delicate kiss on her knuckles.

She becomes the air itself. And as she floats to lectures she decides maybe it's not just another Monday. Maybe she did wake up in a paradise of sorts. Maybe life isn't so dull. She laughs to herself.

It can never be dull if Percy is there. It never has.

#percabeth #pjjg fanfic #percy jackson #annabeth chase #percy #jackson #annabeth #chase

36 notes · View notes

eideticmemory · 4 years

Text

EVER SINCE NEW YORK II | MATTHEW GRAY GUBLER

Description: Description: I was messaged saying: “If you don’t write a young Matthew enemies to lovers fic featuring an obsession with sucking on boobs then what’s the point 😔.” So, here it is, folks! The ultimate College!Matthew fic.

PART 2! Read Part 1 here.

Soundtrack:

Maps - Maroon 5.

Me & Ur Ghost - Blackbear.

Keep You Close - Frenship.

Word Count: 3,341.

Rating: M.

Warning/Includes: Sexual intercourse, substance use, a bit of angst.

Fall, Sophomore Year.

Tisch School of the Arts,

New York University.

New York City.

“Okay, you know what?” You scoffed, throwing your hands up in surrender. “I give up. I don’t give a fuck anymore.”

Claire laughed from behind you, “You alright over there?”

“No,” you grumbled. You pressed down on the black frame, using all your might to make the command strip stick to the wall. Yet, when you stepped back, it would pop off of the surface, and your ballet poster was lopsided. It’d been a vicious cycle for 10 minutes. “This goddamn command strip won’t stick. What the fuck?”

“Okay, grumpy, step away from the poster,” Claire ordered, grabbing onto your shoulders and escorting you to the center of the room. “The room looks great, [y/n], why are you so stressed?”

“I am not stressed. I am frustrated, and those damn command strips aren’t cheap. I’m pissed.”

“Okay, staples queen, tell you what,” she sighed. “I will go buy you a pack of command strips and personally mount the poster myself, okay?”

You looked up at Claire, giving her a soft smile. “Did I win the roommate lottery or what?”

“Yeah, but better not say stuff like that too much. People are gonna start thinking we’re a different type of roommates.”

You laughed, and shook your head at her.

“[y/n], what’s up?” Claire asked. “You’ve been moody as fuck ever since we moved back in for the semester. Classes haven’t even started yet and you’re moping around. What’s going on?”

Well, Claire, you thought. I’m glad you asked. I’m glad you brought it up, because I’ve been dying to talk about it for a while. You see, I fucked my mortal enemy, and it was so good that I did it a second time. And no, I’m not talking about my cinematography professor, I’m talking about Matthew. Gubler. I fucked Matthew Gubler. Yes, I know. Hell has frozen over. Because I hated him. I hate him. I think he’s awful. Especially since he thinks it’s okay to fuck someone, ignore their existence, fuck them again, ignore their existence, and then leave them with a vague ass note? 505. 505! I’ve looked up every possible meaning of 505 that there is. The song, urban dictionary, numerology. And I can’t figure the shit out. And it doesn’t help that Matthew didn’t say a word to me over summer break. I’m just lost and confused and I know you would understand and you would know what to do.

But it’s Matthew.

And I can’t tell anyone. Especially you.

“Last semester was a royal disaster,” you sighed. “I just don’t wanna overwhelm myself again. Y’know with class, and shows, and parties. I wanna do right this semester, but it’s a little stressful. So, I’m a little stressed.”

Claire looked at you for a long time, eyebrows lowered and her eyes scanning your face. She had a gut feeling that you were lying, but didn’t wanna be a bitch. So she bit her tongue.

“Let’s go get something to eat,” she smiled.

Classes started that following Monday. Your first lecture was at 10 o’clock. And you woke up at 10:15. Having showered the night before, you brushed your teeth, put on your outfit and fixed your hair all in ten minutes and hiked it across campus in 4 minutes. You rushed up to the classroom door, and entered the lecture very calmly. People were scattered about in the auditorium, some towards the sides, a lot front and center. But only one person sitting in the very back row.

Matthew.

Too occupied with explaining yourself to your professor, you didn’t notice Matthew until a few minutes after entering. You refused to make eye contact with him, nervously staring at your feet as you walked over to him. And took a seat at his side.

“Hey.”

Those were the only words spoken for an hour and fifteen minutes. However, within 10 minutes of seeing you again, Matthew began to rub your thigh. His fingers grazed the top of your leg, slowly but surely making their way to your inner thigh. You held your breath, staring up at the professor the whole time and pretending to take notes.

When Matthew’s fingers pressed against your clit, you almost gasped. But you kept your mouth shut, stifling the sound. He smirked to himself, only glancing at you when you were too shaken up to notice. You propped up the screen of your laptop, hiding your face behind it so you could let out quiet moans. You were so sensitive, and very glad that you wore a skirt to class.

Matthew’s fingers slid your panties to the side and made skin to skin contact with your clit, applying pressure as he rubbed you. You exhaled for a long time, swear words wanting to fly out of your mouth instead. The professor’s words drowned out a long time ago, and at this point you didn’t care. You just needed to come.

Matthew remembered the way you liked to be touched, he had to. Because he was able to bring you to the edge so quickly, it was insane. You clenched your thighs around his wrist to signal your nearing release, and he grinned.

You rested your head on the keyboard of your laptop, hiding from everyone as you came. Your jaw dropped, and you had to stop yourself from groaning too loudly. Matthew removed his hand from under your skirt. He sucked on the tips of his fingers, just to get the taste of you on his tongue. Then, with only 2 minutes left in class, he packed up his stuff and walked out.

You should’ve dropped the class. At the very least, sat somewhere else. But you didn’t. You stayed in that course. With Matthew. In the back row. And wore skirts every other day for a month. Some days he would repeat the action, and some days he wouldn’t. It was like he could tell how desperate you were each time. And if you were really desperate, he simply didn’t touch you. It sucked, but it kept you on your toes.

He missed class one day, and to cope, you had a dream about him that night. You imagined him using his mouth on you, in an empty lecture hall, bending you over the desk, making you come. When you woke up, you were in a cold sweat. You couldn’t believe you were having thoughts like this about Matthew Gubler. But you were.

You hopped out of bed, put on your slippers, and left the room to go to the vending machines. Holding a soda and some candy, you walked back to your dorm room silently. Alerted by the sound of footsteps, you turned your head down the hall to see Claire walking out of someone’s room. She noticed you and rushed up to you with a big smile.

“Hey!” She beamed. “What are you doing up?”

“Oh, uh, I couldn’t sleep. Where you been?”

She sighed happily, “I’ve been doing adult things, [y/n], I cannot lie.” She wrapped her arm around your shoulder as you both walked to your room. “I’m in love, kid. It’s crazy.”

“You’re in love? With who?”

“Ah, that will soon be revealed, my dear [y/n].”

That weekend, you two invited everyone to come hang out at your dorm. Someone was able to swipe some liquor, and it was a party. A handful of people, getting a little tipsy, music in the background. Claire insisted Matthew be invited, but you weren’t expecting him to show up. But of course, he did. Because he’s a nuisance.

He laid down on Claire’s bed and she sat beside him, the two of them quickly joining the conversation at hand. You tried not to look like a kicked puppy, tried not to pout, to sulk, to watch. But inch by inch, second by second, Claire moved closer to Matthew, until by the end of the night, her head was on his chest.

That Monday, you sat in the front of the class.

And every class after that for the next month.

Missing your daily release, you became cranky and nasty and moody. You didn’t mean to, but that’s how it happened. To help you get over the nagging feeling, you went out one Saturday night. A group of friends dragged you along to a dorm party in the next building over. You used it as an excuse to dress up, ignore your homework and get some fresh air. In a tight purple dress, you walked into the booming dorm. It was packed, smelled like booze and filled with heat.

A cup of vodka in your hand, it wasn’t until about two hours in that you realized you didn’t want to party. You sat on the couch the whole time, fiddling with your hands and the hem of your dress. You’d drank an entire solo cup of alcohol by then, and you were starting to get tired. Your friends had gotten lost a long time ago, and you knew it was fruitless to look for them. So, you picked yourself up and started to head for the exit.

“[y/n]!”

You turned around to see a guy walking towards you. Jonathan. “Hey, John, what the hell is going on?” You asked, noticing him supporting another guy on his shoulder. His friend was a drunken, sloppy mess, and could barely stand.

“Our boy Steve here had a little too much to drink,” John replied. “I’m taking him back to his room. You going back to your place?”

You nodded, “Yeah. I am.”

“Okay, do you mind helping me with him? Please? I’ll give you a dollar.”

You laughed, shook your head and put your arm around Steve’s waist. “Ooh, a dollar! Sounds exciting.”

It was cold, and you shivered on the way back to your dorm building. Steve only lived down the hall from you, so helping wasn’t too far out of the way for you. John used Steve’s key to let the three of you into Steve’s suite, guiding both of you to Steve’s room.

You both worked together to lay Steve down on his mattress. You covered him with his blanket.

“You’re a lifesaver,” John told you. “We both are actually.”

“Maybe we should start a business. We escort drunk people home for a small fee of $100.”

He laughed, “I’m in as long as you dress like that every time.”

You blushed, and ducked your head down to hide it.

“What’s going on in here?” A voice called to you two.

You looked up at the threshold to see Matthew standing there, looking sleepy, disheveled, shirtless, and beautiful.

“Hey, Gube,” John greeted. “[y/n] and I were just dropping Steve off. Kid couldn’t hold his liquor.”

Matthew scoffed, “You could’ve left him there. Let him get dicks drawn on his face.”

“Well, aren’t you full of love?” John laughed. “No, seriously, I’ve gotta text Lindsey and let her know I’m staying in for tonight.” He padded at his pocket, followed by a loud groan, “Fuck, I left my phone at the party. Fuck me.”

“That’s a higher power trying to tell you that you need to stay out longer,” Matthew said.

John smirked at him, “You’re right. Wonderful insight, Gubler.”

John walked out of the door, heading for the exit, and you followed him, avoiding eye contact with Matthew. As the two of you approached the front door, you froze. John exited the suite, not noticing that he was leaving you behind. And you would’ve moved if you had the power.

Hanging on the door of the suite was the room number: 505.

Your breath caught in your throat. 505. The room number. The room number of the suite you saw Claire leaving that day. 505.

“What took you so long?” Matthew asked, standing behind you.

You released your breath, goosebumps crawling on your skin as you felt him get closer to you. Your heart raced, your body trembled. You had a physical response to being near this boy. It was intense.

“I’m not doing this, Matthew,” you whispered.

“Doing what? We’re just talking.”

You turned around to face him, suddenly very angry, “No! You know what I’m talking about! You know what I’m talking about! And it’s gone on for long enough, Matthew. I’m out!” You kept your voice quiet, but still aggressive. You turned to exit the dorm, but he grabbed onto your waist and pulled you into him.

“Listen, Princess Peach,” he said.

“Fuck you—“

“Listen. I don’t know what your deal is, but I do know that I miss you—“

“You’re full of shit. You just wanna fuck.”

“That’s what I said. I miss you. I mean, for such a short person, your pussy packs a punch.”

“You’re disgusting.”

“Face it,” he murmured. “You may hate me, but your pussy doesn’t.”

Your body melted into his at the sound of his voice. The feeling of his hands running down your body, landing on your thigh. “Just admit it. Or tell me to stop.” His fingers trailed under your dress, the tips grazing you through your panties. Your head rolled back at the gentle touch and he took that as an invitation to kiss your neck.

“Cmon, shortcake, tell me to stop,” he mumbled. “Tell me to stop.”

You responded by wrapping your hands around his throat, using all your strength to push him out the living room couch. He chuckled under his breath, stumbling back onto the cushion and pulling you into his lap.

“Oh, you gonna choke me?” He asked, his voice coming out strained. “Okay, princess, you hate me so much? You can’t stand me?” He pushed his pants down to reveal his erection. “Fuck me like it then.”

You crashed your lips onto his and pushed him back onto the couch, reaching down to grab his cock. You pulled your panties to the side and teased him against your core, moaning as his tip rubbed against your clit. You sank down onto his dick, feet pressed into the couch, hands holding his neck.

He stared up at you as you fucked him — fast and careless. Swear words fell off of his lips uncontrollably, his hands pawing at your breast. Your boobs fit perfectly in his palm and he was obsessed. He had to bite down on his bottom lip to stay quiet, grunting into his mouth.

“F-fuck,” he panted. “Wait, wait.”

You leaned in and kissed him roughly, grinding your hips against his. You made sure to stay silent, giving no indication that you were experiencing so much pleasure.

“H-hey — shit, fuck,” he groaned. “Wait.”

Matthew placed his hands on your ass, his eyes closed tight, his body tensing up as you rode him into the wall. “Oh, fuck!” He exclaimed, and lifted you off of his cock. Quickly, just in time for him to release all over his stomach. He panted, he quivered, he mumbled soft, dirty words. Whispered something about you.

As pretty a sight as it was, you refused to sit there and stare. So, you stood up, pulled the hem of your dress down. And this time, you left. Not a word said. Nothing.

Matthew followed you on instagram that night. You didn’t accept the request for a week, and when you did, you didn’t follow him back. He tried to add you on snapchat, but you declined it. You continued to sit far away from him in class, giving him no access. He brought you a drink at a party once and you asked for water instead. When he returned with the water, you had already left.

He had met his match. You dominated him, successfully, fearlessly, and without even trying. He wanted more. But you liked to watch him so squirm, so you didn’t give in.

Christmas break rolled around, and instead of focusing on the actual holiday, you and your friends planned your first spring break vacation. A group of you would head to South Beach for the week, and stay at a relative’s beach house.

You sat on your bed, trying to map out the cost of the trip. “So it’s me, you, the four of them...Claire, are you listening to me?”

“Is this a good Christmas gift for Matthew?”

You turned your head to her quickly, “Huh?”

“This,” she held up the book - The Magic Encyclopedia. “You think Matthew will like it?”

“Claire,” you sighed. “What are you doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“What are you doing simping over this boy? Buying him gifts? This isn’t you, Claire.”

“Leave me alone, [y/n], okay? We’re just friends. And he told me he bought me a gift so I got him one. Jeez, do you have to hate him so much?” She pouted, dropping the book into a gift bag.

“Um, actually, yeah I do,” you nodded. “He’s a dick.”

A knock rang at the door, and as Claire hopped up, she pointed her finger at you, “That’s him. Do not pick a fight.”

You rolled your eyes and went back to planning. Matthew stepped into the room, carrying a bag in one hand. He used his other hand to cup Claire’s face and give her a small kiss on the cheek. “Santa Claus is here!” He exclaimed.

“Gimme, gimme, gimme!” Claire pleaded, reaching for the gift bag.

“Wow, Claire, I’m hurt. You’re so materialistic.” He chuckled.

“Oh, please, Gube,” she scoffed. “Give me my gift.”

“Okay,” he reached into the bag and pulled out a small box, wrapped into festive paper. “I got this for you, Claire,” he handed her the box. “And I even got something for your roommate here.”

You picked your head up, face ridden with confusion. Matthew licked his lips as he held the gift out to you, “I saw it and I couldn’t help myself. Merry Christmas, short stack.”

“Aw, Gube!” Claire squealed. Matthew let her tuck herself under his arm and hug him. “You’re so sweet.”

You stared at the tiny box in your hands, feeling it’s weight. “Thanks...” you whispered.

“Here, open what I got you,” Claired ordered Matthew, stepping over to her bed and grabbing the gift bag. She handed it to him with a wide smile, and giggled as he reached inside.

“Wow!” He cheered, holding the book in his hand. “Holy shit, Claire. This is incredible, thank you!”

“I knew how much you wanted that book so I remembered to get it,” she said. “So, I hope your gift for me is as impressive.”

“It is.”

As the two of them spoke, you opened up your own gift, quietly, hiding it behind your pillow. Claire unwrapped Matthew’s gift, and squealed. “Shut up! Where did you find this film?”

“Amazon!” he replied. “That fancy camera of yours only takes a certain type of film so I wanted you to be stocked.”

You pulled the item out of the box, focused on figuring out what it was. It was cold, metallic, and shone under the light as it was revealed.

“Oh, Gube!” Claire pulled him into a hug. “This is incredible!”

It was an antique. A silver polished miniature ballerina, perched on a pedestal. There was a knob on the side, and when turned, the ballerina twirled. It was precious.

You looked over at Matthew and Claire, watching as they broke out of their hug and looked at each other. “I expect a bunch of pictures when I get back,” he told her, backing out of the room.

“And I expect a professional magician,” she winked. Yuck. Claire turned her head to you after Matthew left, grinning, “What’d he get you?”

You quickly pushed the ballerina back in the box, shaking your head. “Socks. Mismatched socks. Very funny.” You replied.

She giggled, “But hey, a gift! That’s growth!”

“Yeah, whatever,” you grumbled.

“Matthew’s great,” She said. “You’ll get to know him better soon, since he’s coming to the beach with us.”

“He’s what?”

[PART 3.]

#mine #college!matthew #matthew gray gubler/reader #matthew gray gubler x reader #matthew gray gubler fic #matthew gray gubler fanfiction #mgg imagine #mgg smut #mgg x reader #esny

684 notes · View notes

mythiccheroacademia · 4 years

Text

“So fucking done with all the games you play. I ain’t no tic-tac-toe. Send the X and O’s on another note, I’m ghost.”

—do re mi | blackbear

Word Count: 1.1K Pariring: Sero Hanta X Reader Context: N/A Warnings: angst, explicit language, cheating, yall’s relationship is toxic asl

All characters are 21+

A/N: First and foremost...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY OFFICE STORE SUPPLY BACHATA DANCING KING SERO HANTA!!! He’s the sweetest baby boy who deserves the world!! So, to celebrate, I wrote a fic full of pure angst. Yay! No, but seriously, I didn’t think it’d get so sad. But those were the vibes of the song so I delivered as such. Grab a tissue and enjoy. Happy reading <3

Sero Hanta | do re mi

Sero loved you. He loved you with everything he had.

But he thinks he hates you just the same.

There was a time in his life where he thought you were his soulmate. Then, you showed yourself as a soul-tie. A tie that had knotted past the point of recovery, love and hate so entangled within your mess, that even he couldn’t tell the difference between them anymore.

He didn’t know where it started. One day, you two would come together like the sand and sea, different yet synonymous. Other days, it was a competition to see who would burn at the stake first.

Like now.

You shoved your way into the house and Sero willed himself not to slam the door shut behind him. It took a great deal to get him angry, but you pushed buttons he didn’t know he had.

Pissed didn’t even cover a fraction of what he was right now.

“What the hell, Y/N?” he seethed.

You rolled your eyes and stumbled into the kitchen for something to drink. You were going to need another shot for this one.

Sero followed you with haste. “Did you hear me, Y/N?”

“Leave me alone, Hanta. I’m not having this conversation with you,” you snapped.

Finding a bottle of tequila, you went to pour your drink before Sero grabbed your wrist and snatched the glass out of your hand, bottle set firmly on the countertop.

“What the fuck,” you glared.

“You think you need more to drink when I just found you drunk in a club after not hearing from you for four fucking days?” he asked, voice deep with indignation.

You whipped your wrist out of his grasp. “What are you, my dad?”

“No, but I am your husband,” he staunchly reminded. “And I’m worried about you.”

“So now you wanna be married? What happened to taking a break and giving ourselves space?” you spat.

“We were unhappy!”

“And who’s fault is that?”

He warningly pointed at you. “Don’t you dare blame me for what happened to us. You pushed me away.”

“I didn’t have a voice! Every time I had something to say, you gaslit me. You made me feel like I was going insane!”

“You always told me I was never enough! You made me feel like I was lesser.”

“So you had to go fuck your intern?”

“I didn’t fuck them!” he desperately exclaimed. “Why don’t you believe me!?”

There was a blank look in your eyes before your shoulders shook with giggles. You nearly bent over when you began to laugh at the incredulousness of it all. Sero watched you, thoroughly confused.

“You did it to get back at me for sleeping with Todoroki. You don’t have lie,” you shrugged. “I’m not even angry over you sleeping with them. It’s only fair.”

The lack of care in your eyes had set a switch off in Sero’s head. Suddenly, every fight, jab, and act of infidelity flooded his mind and his emotions flared. His sight was blinded by tears, rage and pain that exploded in an episode of fury before he could think otherwise.

“Fuck you,” he whispered before his voice rose an octave he’d never reached before. “Fuck you and all your hateful mind-fucking shit!! I’ve never done anything to you and all you do is make my life a living hell! You're a menace—"

“I didn’t even want to be married! I wasn’t ready!” you nearly screeched, venom searing your glare. “But you wanted me to be. Everybody did! Do you know how difficult it is being married to a top ten hero? To give up my freedom only to be scrutinized by millions of people that don’t even know me? All for being your glorified fuck buddy!!”

“Why didn’t you talk to me?!?”

“You wouldn’t listen!”

“So you tried to sabotage our marriage!?”

“Yes, so you could leave me the fuck alone!” you screamed.

A pregnant pause filtered between your heavy breathing. Then, Sero sneered at you with disgust and words that he would never say to his worst enemy spilled from his lips.

“You’re a crazy fucking bitch.”

You froze.

“I’m crazy?” you quietly said after a second. His response was a callous glare and you felt your hands start to shake.

“You said I’m crazy?” you repeated.

Suddenly, you took the bottle of tequila off the counter and threw it across the kitchen.

Sero jumped back from the sound of broken glass.

“What the hell, Y/N—!”

You stalked over to the cabinets and began throwing whatever you could get your hands on.

“I just told you that I’m suffocating in our relationship, and now I’m crazy!? If that’s how you wanna be, I’ll show you fucking crazy!”

A pot flew over the sink and another plate shattered upon impact. You went on a rampage, yelling about nothing yet howling about everything.

Your words were muddled between the screaming and cursing, incomprehensible to your audience yet they perfectly characterized the throbbing in your heart. It scared you being this vengeful, yet it was all you knew how to do.

Somewhere in the midst of your riot, Sero had resurfaced from his rage-induced blindness and watched you in horror. He flinched from every crash and dodged the flying pieces of silverware you flung at him, but he still moved towards you.

“Wait, Y/N, baby. I didn’t—”

But you wouldn’t hear it.

“NO! Fuck you!!”

Eventually, Sero was able to get within arm’s length. He skillfully grabbed you in his arms, forcing you to drop the pan in your hand.

“Get off! Get off of me!!” you struggled.

“Please just stop, Y/N!”

“No!”

“Just let me fix this—”

“Get away from me, you asshole!”

“Y/N—”

“You're the worst thing that’s ever happened to me—"

“WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP!!?” he roared.

You stilled from his outburst, the man in front of you nearly unrecognizable. You watched as his jaw tensed, his mind working overtime to level his head again. There was a time when you’d be the one soothing the angry vein that appeared on his temple at times like this.

Instead, you looked him in his tired eyes before finally breaking down.

“I hate you,” you whispered and you dissolved into broken sobs.

Sero sighed before pulling you into his chest and letting his head rest on your shoulder.

Sero hated you. He really did. But, for some reason, he hated seeing you cry more. If he ever wanted to see you happy again, he’d have to leave you.

And he loved you just enough to do so.

#sero hanta x reader #sero hanta #cellophane #honorable mentions:#todoroki's cheating ass LMAOO #bnha x reader #mha x reader #bnha scenarios #mha scenarios #am i sorry for writing this angst? no ma'am #yall know i like to torture these characters #i promise i love them #anywho #thanks for reading!#2.5k follower event and celebration!

254 notes · View notes

uwua3 · 4 years

Note

Hello, can I please suggest a childhood friends to lovers troupe with Banri? Thank you so much!

of course! i put this off at first because i wanted to understand banri’s character a bit more and what direction i wanted to go with this! it might be a little bit opposite of what you wanted but i hope you like it~ ♡ i hope you don’t mind childhood enemies to friends to lovers ;)

summary: all your life, you wanted to beat settsu banri, just once

warnings: arguing, breaking the law, bullying(?), injuries, physical fights,

author’s note: this is definitely much more different from anything i’ve written! please enjoy it~

being naturally good at everything = wanting to compete at everything once’s there’s someone worthy and i think it’s a complex we need to address. honors students who get burnt out often give up because it’s not easy at first. setting children up to be the best and putting them against one another instead of encouraging teamwork is evil and a flaw in the education system. so take risks, and take down any institution that disrespects you :)

word count: 4,298

music: hot girl bummer – blackbear, preacher man – the driver era

childhood champion.

🍁🥇 settsu banri

banri was the most insufferable, annoying kid to ever walk the face of this earth

everyone picked him first for their sports team in gym, he always knew the answer even when the teacher caught him sleeping in class, and he knew what a multitalented threat he was

it was so unfair! even as a child, you had to spend countless hours studying the next topic to stay ahead but banri did it without even trying

you were second in class, he never even wavered or was worried about his valedictorian position

banri was so, so annoying

you two were the first picked to advance to honors–level classes the next school year in middle school

you actively rose your hand in class to get the answer correct. you sat in the front and kissed up to your teachers so they would submit more than just “a pleasure to have in class” on your report card

banri would doze off in the back if he was forced to attend school. it would take multiple tries to get him to wake up and even then, he could’ve summarized the entire class lesson with no effort. he didn’t care about other people’s opinions

which must have been nice, considering how everyone either loved him or fully hated him

you two were never aware of each other’s existence throughout elementary; it wasn’t until your teachers constantly compared you to banri’s perfect grades and banri to your model student behavior that you began to despise each other

to you, banri was your #1 rival and competitor. everything you did, you wanted to beat him at. but to banri, you were just another tryhard that wouldn’t survive in the real world

it was when you were the only student getting every question right that you talked to him for the first time. you rose your hand again, a pleasant expression on your face as your teacher looked around, sighing as everyone averted their gaze

before the teacher could call your name, you felt a wadded–up paper ball hit the back of your head and a snicker. the class went dealthy quiet for once

you whipped your head to the back to see banri’s egotistical maniac of a smirk staring right back at you

“nerd.” banri dropped, his arms behind his head and feet propped up on his desk. his bag wasn’t even open and his pencil was stuck behind his ear. what a troublemaker

“mr. settsu! apologize this instant, we do not tolerate name–calling in this classroom.” your teacher reprimanded maturely, watching as banri shrugged and put his feet on the ground with a loud thud. leaning forward, banri put his hands together with an exaggerated sad face as he batted his eyelashes

“i’m so sorry~” banri laughed, his mocking tone making you narrow your eyes, plastering on a fake smile as you simply nodded and turned around. it wasn’t worth it to fight with someone who didn’t even care

anger boiled in your blood, all you wanted to do was turn around and give him a solid punch

yet, you straightened your posture, answering each question precisely with a tight grip on your pencil as you felt more spitballs land near you

no boy was going to get you to stop focusing, and especially take class time away

banri didn’t know why he bothered trying to piss you off anymore when you didn’t react. it was boring him, to say the least

when he “accidentally” stole your lunch, you just used your allowance to buy something from the lunch ladies (who absolutely hated that they had no evidence he stole from the fruit bar). when he knocked your books over off the desk with a bang, you just picked them back up and moved to a different table. hell, he even started a grade–wide game that pretended you weren’t there. you didn’t care, you kept doing your schoolwork

you were so, so boring

banri was on cleaning–duty for vandalism or whatever, something that didn’t follow the school guidelines. he was assigned to his homeroom classroom and had to wipe down the desks, sweep the room, and scrape off gum under any surface

“what the hell...” 13–year–old banri cursed, kicking at the dust pan as he didn’t want to start. he didn’t clean, he was good at it, he just didn’t like doing it

turning on his heel to ditch the classroom and deal with the consequences later, he was face to face with the fakest smile ever as you leaned against the doorframe (seemingly satisfied with his predicament)

“sorry, settsu. i’m here to supervise you to make sure you’re cleaning, today.” you dropped your sweet, quiet tone and revealed the truth: a tough, tired attitude that was ready to snap at any point. banri raised his eyebrow, crossing his arms as he scoffed, looking to the side

this should be fun

“oh yeah? what will you do to stop me? can you even handle me, i’ve seen how you don’t score shit in gym.” banri spat, your lip twitched at the swear as you had an incredulous look

two could play at this game, you weren’t backing down

“i’m not here to fight, settsu. i want you to hurry up so i can go home and do my homework.” you heard his sickening laugh throughout the empty hallway. it echoed, reminding you how he had no filter or manners whatsoever

“homework?! imagine needing that to pass. even i don’t do my work... and i’m at the top. how sad.” banri fueled the flame on purpose, eyes glinting with something of boredom and a wicked evil found in prepubescent boys

“you wouldn’t know what that’s like, though, right?”

you clenched your fist, all the pent–up rage you withheld in to have the higher ground was beginning to turn your vision red

“come on,” banri grinned, finding fun in driving you insane as he lazily moved into a fighting position, not expecting anything. “hit me—”

you didn’t remember what happened next, but you had to sit next to banri who had a black eye with an ice pack up to it in the principal’s office

both you and banri received a weeks worth of suspension for having a fight on school grounds

you hated settsu banri. and he found you interesting, so he didn’t say anything when he came back, letting the rumors die down

banri wanted to be your friend. your punch wasn’t even all that bad, maybe he could teach you how to hold your fist

but you avoided him at all costs now. he started going to school more frequently, and played impractical jokes on you in between classes just to get a reaction

you didn’t do anything. you just requested a schedule change and had classes on the opposite side of the building

classes became boring again, no one wanted to fight with him because they knew they’d lose, and he stopped attending classes out of spite

banri couldn’t believe he may have finally met someone who had some balls to do something to his shitty attitude and you just left

but throughout the years leading up to his first year in hanasaki, banri had immense respect for your 12–year–old self who landed a nasty hit (it totally would’ve k.o.–ed him if this was a video game)

banri had his eye out to see if you were in the front row with your hand up, or if you were hiding in the library behind towering shelves, or if you were even just moving past him in the crowds of people in the hallways

but it’s like you disappeared out of no where, how boring

you kept a secluded, mysterious reputation. no one had anything to say about you because you did nothing to get attention. so banri couldn’t even track you down through the grapevine of gossip

you disappeared and remained second (behind banri, of course)

as school went on and the summers cleared his mind, banri slowly forgot all about the young kid who gave him a black eye

as he passed the exams to qualify for entry in hanasaki, he didn’t even think twice if you were gonna be there

second year at hanasaki academy. 16–year–old banri nearly dropped out because of his own insatiable boredom. he got into more fights (he always won), ignored his classmates, and just kept being a huge jackass even unprovoked

school was so, so boring

class rankings were released after finals, banri remembered strolling up to expect his name at the top spot but watched as the crowd of students nervously parted to let him through

his eyes automatically landed at the #1 spot (he never checked anyone below him, they were dumb) but it wasn’t his name. instead, he saw yours. you were beating him

letting out a sarcastic laugh, banri backed up and left without another word, leaving the students to breathe a sigh of relief they weren’t the next victim of an infamous settsu roundhouse

how long had you been at this? how long did you study just to see your name printed over his? he must’ve been a big deal to you

banri ditched school early, about to hop the back fence before he noticed a flash of the academy’s school uniform above. halfway up the fence, banri looked behind him. no one. looked up, and you were sitting at the edge of the rooftop, swinging your legs casually

after all these years, and banri found you on accident

“hey.” banri drawled, waving up to you who seemed lost in your own world. you had a loose grip on some textbook, staring off into the slow clouds. you must’ve missed the lunch bell signaling the end of eating. you? skipping class? it was almost too funny to be true

banri bristled under the lack of attention. it’s been years and this was the response he got? he was ready to start shaking the fence to alert everyone within a one mile radius he was here. yet, banri noticed the hardcover textbook that must’ve cost hundreds begin slipping from your fingers. you didn’t care to notice

“hey! hey! what the fuck!” banri tried to make you snap out of it, but he swore as he leaped from the fence as soon as the book started falling. you shook your head rapidly like you just woke up, nearly falling over as you watched banri catch the heavy textbook with one hand as he rolled onto the rough pavement. it was a move out of a superhero film, like he was a professional stunt double

you gasped, scrambling to get off the edge and jumped. banri was about to yell a very inappropiate curse, but you grabbed onto the tree branch nearby and climbed down easily. it was like you did this countless times... what the hell happened to you and who was this that replaced you?

“oh my god! i am so sorry, i wasn’t paying attention at all.” you apologized sincerly, offering your hand to help pull him to his feet. banri ignored the pain in his shoulder and hip as he pushed himself up, the scrapes on his palms and rips in his uniforms making him wince for a moment. you noticed

“you idiot! what were you thinking? you could’ve died!” banri snapped, pushing the textbook to your chest as you stumbled back, eyes wide. you huffed, feeling aggressive as every instinct to fight with him came back as strong as ever despite banri’s heroic act

“don’t act like you know everything about me! i said i was sorry, what else do you want?” you fought back, pushing him back even harder with your book. banri felt something burn inside him for the time ever since you punched him: excitement

“let’s settle this. you. me. right here. right now.” banri got into a battle stance, pretending to be very serious when he didn’t even hit girls. but, he wanted to piss you off so bad. he was so bored of his life being on super ultra easy mode (it was like you were the final boss)

he didn’t even get another word out before you sighed, put your backpack and books down gently, rolled your eyes, spun around, and kicked him straight in the jaw

you had used the infamous settsu roundhouse kick against him

this time, he was much stronger than he was before at thirteen. he straightened himself up, stared at your clenched fists, and laughed

“after all this time, you never learned how to throw a real punch?” banri taunted, but the playful tone of his voice gave himself away. you slowly backed down, going back to your normal position as you revealed a tired smile. you ran your hand through your hair, seeming to contemplate on whether or not you should respond before shrugging

“never really had to fight losers like you before.” you retorted and banri gave an impressed look that you even made a comeback. rubbing his jaw and feeling the bruise about to form, banri watched as you stuffed your books into your bag

“by the way, that was for everything you put me through in middle school.” you stood up, flipped him both with hands confidently, and left. turning the corner, you winked and shot him a finger gun, showing you didn’t hold any grudges anymore for his stupid behavior

“wait—dammit.” banri rushed to catch up with you, but you were already gone the moment he went over. there was no trace of you and banri kicked the wall out of frustration, regretting it immediately when he forgot about his injured leg

“mr. settsu!” he heard from one of the classroom windows and looked up, seeing his maths teacher glare at him. uh oh

banri put his hands up, knowing security would have to come drag his ass to class

he could’ve swore he heard your laugh as he got yelled at for getting caught, making him subconsciously smile

(banri got into more trouble when the teacher thought he saw it as a joke)

gossip was exchanged as banri came into class sporting a bruised jaw and ripped clothes. they said the gangster was finally taken down by someone who he was no match for, it was almost laughable

i let them win, banri thought, barely paying attention to whatever his teacher was writing on the blackboard

but banri wanted more competition. he couldn’t just let you hit him even if he fully, 100% deserved it

banri closed his eyes, falling asleep with his hand in his cheek. you better not have any plans this afternoon

it was 5pm. you were heading out of school after finishing all your extracurricular duties. it was exhausting pretending to care, faking a smile just so your superiors thought you were the perfect leader. whatever gets you into university, right?

you needed a break. you stepped up to the rooftop after sneaking into the locked stairway. oddly enough, it was already open. you tip–toed in on guard, preparing to hit someone with your bag before you noticed a shadow against the pavement

but as soon as you stepped out, banri was waiting

it was nearly sunset, and banri was playing some game on his phone against one of the benches against the border

you paused, not sure what to say before he casually looked up and did a double take, rushing to pocket his phone and standing up

silence. like you two had nothing to say after all these years. you didn’t expect to see him again, you stopped caring about his laziness and focused on yourself even if you didn’t have the motivation anymore

banri awkwardly put his hands in his pockets, the blazer elbows almost torn to shreds. a strand of his hair fell in front of his face, you wanted to reach out and push it back

here you were, with a perfect appearance with nothing out of place, as expected of a model student. your uniform was ironed to perfection and had no creases despite your tree jump. you learned how to get rid of the evidence

when nothing seemed to be happening, you almost turned around before banri spoke way too loudly

“i’m sorry.” banri choked out, like he was saying it against his will. you froze, not wanting to turn around as you gripped the strap of your backpack. was he being serious?

“i’m... sorry for basically picking on you in middle school. it was dumb of me, i was stupid.” banri explained, appearing cool but his fingers were clearly fidgeting in his pockets. oh, he was serious

a part of your child self felt like it was healed, knowing you had one over settsu banri. you nodded, turning slowly to face your childhood rival. your childhood competitor. the childhood champion of everything

this time, you were the winner, but it didn’t feel like it

“yeah? i’m sorry for beating your ass twice then.” you joked, seeing the tension leave his shoulders as he naturally laughed. it was almost therapeutic to finally not fight for something for once

“truce?” banri put his fist out, and you didn’t even have to think about it before moving forward and fist–bumping him

“truce.”

you and banri became close after your so–called peace treaty. you put all the rivalry behind you, you forgave him

banri surprisingly understood you had a “perfect reputation” to uphold despite all the secret trouble you got in. in public, he stayed away and pretended like you didn’t exist. in private, you two snuck onto the rooftop to have lunch and stay until night, talking about nothing and everything at once

you even tried getting him back on track, using the temptation of competition to trick him in doing his work (it at least worked half the time)

(“i definitely could finish this faster than you!” banri protested, scribbling his answers and he always finished first. he never realized what you were doing when he was in the heat of the moment)

banri had never stayed at school this long, his attendance was making a come back and he was even looking forward to times he could see you in between classes

(he never put this much effort in, he didn’t want to find out he wasn’t naturally good at being your friend)

everything was good. you two were compatiable friends who cursed every middle school teacher who set them up to be enemies. you swore at teachers who now abused their position of power and laughed about leading a revolution. you two were young, dumb teens who wanted change. you wanted anarchy, he knew enough about it to get behind it

banri texted you screenshots of his elite gaming status in the game he recommended to you, getting a response the next day proving you were almost at his level. damn. he could respect that

banri took you to his favorite local arcade, (believe it or not) after you claimed you could at least tie him at something. when he saw you get frustrated, he pretended to stumble on the arrow pad for DDR and feigned annoyance as you beat him for once. he even gave you his spare coins once he got bored and watched you, adding unnecessary commentary you’d kick him for

(“not again!” banri pretended to cower, protecting his jaw that was already healed)

you guys would even raid 24/7 stores after leaving school, stocking up on snacks and energy drinks so you could stay awake throughout the day after game night

but his favorite thing to do with you was sneaking out and returning you back before curfew. banri was naturally a homebody that didn’t find the outside fun, but when you confessed you never had a late night drive before, he arrived a block away and nearly gave you a heart attack when he knocked on your window

(you two agreed to have a special code and banri would knock to the beat of your favorite game’s theme song)

that night, you sat on the hood of his car and watched the stars, unaware of how banri couldn’t tear his eyes away from you

when banri dropped you off and helped you back in with his hand at your back, he nearly fell off the tree as you made your way onto your second–floor bedroom

you smiled, a strangeness to your windswept hair and messy clothes. you didn’t care what you looked like around him

banri gulped, forcing himself down the tree as he ran to his car, heart racing a mile a minute

what the hell was that? banri took a deep breath in the driver’s seat, rubbing his forehead as he groaned. why did he feel like this? did you do something to his soda or something?

as banri drove home, he flipped on the radio. teenage dirtbag by wheatus blasted on the inner roads

“how does she know who i am? why does she give a damn about me?”

banri braked, the car halting in the middle of the road. it was 3am, the street lights gave way to the empty, deserted road

oh my god. he liked you

he liked the person who gave him a black eye, got him a week suspension, kicked him in the jaw, and got him caught by his teacher

teenage dirtbag faded out on the street as banri sat there, listening to the lyrics

“fuck.” banri deadpanned, knowing things wouldn’t be good if he kept acting up like this

well, everything was good, until that night

banri arrived at midnight sharp like always. you rolled out of bed with full clothing ready for any night activity he planned

he took your hand to go down even though he knew damn well you didn’t need the help. sneaking out was like second nature at this point, it was a miracle you two hadn’t been busted yet

you two were stealthy, avoided all the cameras your parents put in place after noticing there were footsteps imprinted on the grass (it didn’t bother banri, he liked the challenge)

speeding off, banri slowed down to the speed limit once he saw you push the roof down and stick your upper body out into the wind. he shook his head, lowering the windows as well. he heard you scream along to whatever pop song was on at the top of your lungs

in that moment, you forget you were hanasaki academy’s perfect model student. you were just a person having the time of their life with their best friend

pulling into an abandoned parking lot, banri stopped in the middle as he tugged your shirt down. his wolfish grin seemed electric, like he was high on a predictable adrenaline rush already

“hey, do you trust me?” banri revved the engine, one hand on the wheel and the other out as a fist

it felt like that day back on the school rooftop where you made a truce with your middle school rival. like everything was about to change

without a second thought, you bumped your fist to his. “i do.”

banri shifted to level one as he turned the wheels to a full direction. you held onto the edge of the door as you realized what he was about to do

“you’re joking!” you yelled over the sound of the engine, banri flashing you a quick wink before the car started spinning. he was doing donuts because you said you wanted donuts the other day, this was not what you meant!

“you knew i didn’t mean it like this, you jerk!” you protested, but couldn’t help but laugh along with banri as smoke rose from the tire tracks on the concrete. you felt dizzy, but you never felt more alive laughing with your best friend in the middle of the night

banri suddenly stopped, his foot on the brake as a distant shout made you freeze

“hey, who’s trespassing?!”

“go, go, go!” you yelled, pushing banri’s arm as his foot triggered the gas and changed the speed. you guys zoomed out of the supposedly “abandoned” parking lot, hearing the random owner attempt to chase after you before tripping on his own feet

“holy shit!” you exclaimed, not feeling sorry you were laughing at the man who was now shaking his fist at you. you knew it was too dark to even see banri’s license plate, you were fine. you felt your energy peak as you couldn’t help but turn around with a wide smile

“did you see that guy’s face, he looked like he was ready to kill—” you started but banri braked again, both hands tightly gripping the wheel. you almost lurched forward but banri stuck his arm out against your chest, holding you to your seat as he glared at you

“how is this funny to you? we... you! you almost got caught! your future would’ve been ruined, do you understand how severe that situation was?!” banri ranted, sweating as he had to practice controlled breathing to prevent himself from saying something he’d regret. he was so worried, he never cared this much

“so what at this point? what’s there to even live for after college?” you scoffed, crossing your arms as you looked away. banri’s arm started retracting, but he randomly grabbed your face and pulled you over the divider, looking you deeply in the eyes like he never wanted to let you go. like he wanted to remember this forever

“me. live for me.” banri muttered, before he closed the distance between you two. your childhood rival, competitor, and enemy liked you

high on adrenaline, you kissed back. you were on top of the world

and suddenly, everything was good again

you both won

#settsu banri #banri settsu #a3! act! addict! actors!#a3!#act! addict! actors!#a3! actor training game #a3! headcanons #act! addict! actors! headcanons #mankai a3!#mankai company #a3! x reader #a3 x reader #banri x reader #a3! banri #a3 banri

225 notes · View notes

your-eternal-muse · 4 years

Text

Bonus! Heather Playlist

So, here are songs that either inspire me to write chapters for Heather, or remind me of certain aspects of the series. I will be adding on to it, as I go, or get recommendations, but for now, here it is!

It’s on Spotify, and below the cut are the titles and a couple of my favorite lines from each song!

Heather Series Playlist

Heather; Conan Gray (Personal Favorite)

“You gave her your sweater? ‘It’s just polyester.’ But you like her better. Wish I were Heather.”

Poison and Wine; The Civil Wars aka The song reader and Spencer dance to at his wedding (Personal Favorite)

“I wish you’d hold me when I turn my back. The less I give, the more I get back. Oh, your hands can heal, your hands can bruise. I don’t have a choice, but I still choose you.”

“I don’t love you, but I always will.”

Dust to Dust; The Civil Wars

“All your acting, your thin disguise. All your perfectly delivered lines. They don’t fool me. You’ve been lonely, too long.”

So Cold; Ben Cooks

“I called you at home you said that you weren’t alone. I should’ve known better. Now it hurts much more.”

Vices; Mothica

“I really don’t know why I’m like this.”

“Is it okay I’m not okay?”

“I don’t sleep much these days.”

Bloodshot; Dove Cameron

“Got tired of dreaming running into you all the time.”

“It’s harder to see you’re not mine with my bloodshot eyes.”

Bad Liar; Imagine Dragons *Spencer Song*

“Does happiness lie in a diamond ring?”

“Wish I could erase it, make your heart believe, but I’m a bad liar.”

I miss you, I’m sorry; Gracie Adams *Spencer Song*

“Thought you’d hate me, but instead you called and said ‘I miss you’.”

“Nothing happened the way I wanted.”

Honest; Mali-Koa (Personal Favorite)

“I was never good at conversations Whisper when I meant to scream out.”

“All of these feelings are saying that I could never find a better love, better love than you.”

“If my heart had a choice I’d tell you the stories, I’d always avoid. I’d be honest to you. Honest to god.”

Why Won’t You Love Me?; 5SOS

“Switching into airplane mode again. We're not alright but I'll pretend. Press my cheek against the glass. Just be good 'til I get back.”

“I hold back the tears. I check my phone to see your face, Staring back as if to say Don't worry, you won't be lonely.”

I Can’t Breath; Bea Miller

“Somebody get me a hammer. Wanna break all the clocks and the mirrors. And go back to a time that was different.”

“How can I live in the moment When my thoughts never feel like my own and Don't know how to admit that I'm broke?”

Take What You Want; Post Malone ft. Ozzy Osborne and Travis Scott (Personal Favorite) *Is this about Spencer or Heather? You decide.*

“Why don't you take what you want from me? Take what you need from me Take what you want and go!”

“And it finally came the day I start giving my heart away. For Heaven sakes, my bones will break But you never own my soul, no!”

1 Sided Love; Blackbear

“You're too busy talking over me to hear what I'm saying.. You're too high to realize I see Through the smile that you're faking.”

Break Up With Your Girlfriend, I’m Bored; Ariana Grande

“Then you realize she's right there. And you're at home like, ‘Damn, she can't compare’.”

“You can say I'm hatin' if you want to. But I only hate on her 'cause I want you.”

Girl; Donna Missal

“Still I take it all so personal. Girl, you got me all fucked up.”

“I hate it how your eyes glaze over When I'm talking, na, na, na Like nothing I say even matters You're just watching, yeah”

Overwhelming; Jon Bellion (Personal Favorite) (super change of pace in song lol)

“She don’t want no problem if there’s not one. But people come around and try some stupid shit to start one, She’ll give you the peoples fuckin’ elbow, like The Rock, son.”

Heathers Tag List: @drsoftboyreid @lindaze @urie-bowie-mercury @racerparker @avaholcombe @rodgertayloroof @stephanieisgay330 @swiftspaperings @rainsong01 @darthseph @liaabsurd @tracyn910 @kxllyxnnx @holypicklelightnickel @pianofirepirate @radtwinkie @madcrazy50 @bweakmybonez @constantlywishingonstars @l0ve-0f-my-life @expressiodepressio @flannelpjpants @x-midnight-violets-x @kwyloz@todaynotseen @caitlin-f @mylovehes @spencerreidsimptime @yoongi-holland @vamp-army @realimbo @stardream14 @magicbeanssss @jessaminelovelace @darthvadersturd @nikkilikewoah @mellifluouswildbluebells @lex-rodgers-sheild @crist1216 @voguekristens @doctorspencrreid @girlwithcrocs @harryscherrymoon @cherriesnwatermelons @heyitssomegirl101 @mollygetssherlockcoffee @colorfulsunflowerx @falcon-arrows @hereforbeebo @legallyplatinumblonde @thatsonezesty13

Permanent Tag List: @criminalcow @pinkdiamond1016 @eternityofaxiom @you-had-me-at-hello-dear @marvels-gurl @theamuz @write-from-the-heart @sungieeeeeee @mjloveskids666 @chococeral @itzsoff @gia-kerks @doctorspencereid @imsuperawkward @andreasworlsboring101 @itsmoony @cielo1984 @heistmaster69 @nevvvv @theseuscmander @complementaryvacuum @waywardswain

#spencer reid #spencer reid series #playlist #fic playlist #spencer reid playlist #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x female!reader #cm #criminal minds

112 notes · View notes

di0rtaeyong · 4 years

Text

1 Sided Love

➸ summary: Mark breaks up with you, leaving you reminiscing. finally having the courage to face him again, you both to rethink your situation. based on ‘1 Sided Love’ by blackbear.

➸ genre: college nct!, angst, drama, fluff

➸ word count: 9.5k

➸ warnings: breakups, crying, alcohol use and mention, marijuana use, suggestive scene (?).

➸ authors note: thank you for reading this! this is my first time writing a story this long, i hope you like it!

➸ media: click here for song

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

ACT 1

I swear lettin' you down, lettin' you down is hard enough…

… When it's one-sided, one-sided, one-sided love…

…Our time is, our time is, our time is up…

…Is your heart worth breakin'?

“We need to talk”.

Everyone resents those dreaded words. They are never followed by anything positive and more often than not left someone in tears, especially when your boyfriend of two years says it to you, nervous energy radiating off of him and refusing to make eye contact.

Mark had always calmed you down. Even when he was the one mad at you, there was something about him that allowed you to keep your cool and listen to him. You were an easy crier, so having someone like Mark allowed you to practice keeping your cool. In a way you had thought Mark was your soulmate.

“Hi,” he barely whispered, still refusing to make eye contact as you both settled into your chairs in the corner of the room. He nervously twiddled with his fingers, so you reached out to grab them and interlock fingers as you had done millions of times before.

Only this time Mark flinched away which cause you to pull your hand quickly and a deep furrow form between your eyebrows.

“You okay?” you asked Mark cautiously, trying to offer a comforting smile. He had never refused to hold your hand before. It was one of the only PDA action’s that both of you felt comfortable with, the innocence in your relationship still giving you both a youthful glow.

“You wanna get a drink? I’ll get you one. The last time we came here was with Hyuck, remember? You guys got the lemon tea; I knew none of you would like it but you both insisted… I’ll get you the choc- “

“Y/N.” he said firmly. He had never used this tone with you and frankly you were more curious than scared. Mark didn’t scare you. Mark was a lot of things but scary he was not. He was always there for you. He would alw-

“I think we should break up.”

If the world had ended right there and then it wouldn’t have made a difference to you because what you felt like inside was a hundred times worse.

“I- Uh- What?” you asked stupidly.

“Do you not feel it, Y/N?”, Mark asked finally looking me in the eye. The tears were starting to well up and Mark knew how much you hated crying in front of other people. But he wasn’t just ‘other people’. He was Mark and you would allow yourself to cry in front of him because he loved you and you loved him. Right?

“What are you talking about, Mark? Is this some stupid joke Donghyuck is making you do? Because it’s not funny.” You said through your teeth trying to swallow the lump in your throat that seemed to really want to ruin your strong demeanor.

Watching you try to keep yourself composed and doing nothing about it was one of the hardest thing’s Mark has ever done. He so badly wanted to reach out to you, brush away the hot tears you fought so hard to blink back and hold you against his chest as he had done over a thousand times over the past two years.

You had fallen for Mark a while before you had started dating, begging Jeno to introduce you to his ‘cute older friend’ who just so happened to be working as a children’s basketball camp coach the summer before you went off to university.

Jeno finally caved when you annoyed him enough and introduced you quickly and with no enthusiasm (“Y/N this is Mark, Mark this is Y/N, can we please go now?”). And it was that moment where you knew you wouldn’t be able to get rid of the hearts in your eyes that easily.

You had initially thought Mark was way too perfect if you were being honest. He was fit (played on his school’s basketball team), he was smart (he had gotten Dean’s list), he was good with kids (hence summer camp coach), and he was nice. He was so many things that you could go on and on about (which you did, which led Jeno to literally pay you to shut up about Mark- “Here’s a ten, it better be enough.”- which you happily allowed him to do).

After Jeno had introduced you, you and Mark had instantly hit it off. Never before had you felt like this around any boy. Of course, you had your fair share of crushes, but Mark felt different. He made you laugh in ways that made your stomach churn with more than laughter and made your head spin with happiness and your heart ache every time you parted. It was early but if you were being honest, you were in love. And you had fell hard.

But as the summer ended, you were forced to part ways with Mark. You were both getting ready to go off to university, Mark entering his second year, you your first. Countless nights spent with Mark were full with the both of you sharing your fears and dreams as you sat in the trunk of his dad’s van looking up into the sky eating melted ice cream he would buy you from McDonald’s every Monday and Wednesday night after work.

You had heard so many reassurances from him since the day you met him, that when he suggested something negative it really took you by surprise. Him telling he thinks you two should break up? Surely there must have been something you misheard.

“Y/N? You still there?”. Your gaze snapped to Mark and you finally took in his appearance.

His hair was pushed back off his face but under his eyes were dark circles from late nights and his nose was slightly red. He was wearing a black hoodie, one of your personal favourites to ‘borrow’, paired with his worn-out jeans you silently loved on him. You couldn’t see his feet but you knew he was wearing the pair of black and white Converse you had bought him for his birthday using your whole pay cheque the summer you worked together at the community centre. Jeno had laughed at you, saying you were ‘whipped’ and the expression on Mark’s face when you gave him the shoes definitely made you realize that yes, you were whipped.

Mark had spent the whole month of July talking about how he wanted new Converse, but he was trying to pay for some stuff for school, so he was waiting it out. The day after he had brought it up to you, you couldn’t help but go off to the mall and buy his size. You had regretted it the minute after you did it thinking it was too overbearing, too affectionate for someone you had just met. But when you saw the look on his face when you gave them to him eased your worries as you mirrored the smile he gave you.

What your eyes decided to focus on was his left hand, more specifically his ring finger.

The steal band still wrapped around his finger, the more delicate equivalent present on your own ring finger. The engraved initials inside the band seemed to burn against your skin.

“You’re wearing it.” You stated simply. You didn’t want to talk too much in case your voice decided to crack.

Following your line of vision, Mark focused on the ring. “Yeah. It’s a habit now I guess.”

Mark and you had exchanged these rings on the night of your second anniversary. You had mentioned you had wanted something to show Mark off (‘as a joke’ you had insisted) even when he wasn’t there, and Mark suggested rings. Sputtering out an explanation about how you were both too young to get married and to ignore him, you grabbed his hand and interlocked fingers with him. “I think that’s a great idea”.

The memory left you smiling, meeting Mark’s eyes seeing him holding a reminiscing smile as well as he played with the ring.

“Y/N…” Mark started.

“Why do you want to break up, Mark? I thought we were happy?” you whispered.

“I know, I know Y/N, we were, uh, we are, but… like… there’s so much on my plate right now you know school and the team and internships and summer jobs and you! You’re going to be even more busy and we’ll hardly see each other and- “,

“Mark, that sounds so stupid. We can just work with each others’ schedules, its not a big deal.” You said, trying not to sound desperate.

“Y/N… I don’t know how to put this…” he said, struggling to find the right words.

You were getting agitated. “Well spit it out. Say what you want then,” you said angerly.

“Okay well… umm… I umm…” he said looking down at his lap.

“Mark. Just say it.” You said blankly.

“Well… um… I’m not in love with you anymore.”

“Mark- “, but your words were caught in your throat. If earlier you felt like the world was ending, right now would be described as one million times worse.

Your ears started ringing and the room suddenly started feeling way too hot for an early September night. Your vision blurred slightly as you felt hot tears stream down your face uncontrollably.

“I have to go.” You said standing up way too quickly. The room spun with your actions and black spots danced in your vision.

“Y/N, wait, can we just talk?” Mark pleaded quickly, standing up.

A few minutes ago, you would have found your height differences endearing, adding to the long list of things you loved about him. He was always a few inches taller than you which you had always loved but now it made you feel as if he was further away than ever.

“Mark, I think that’s all you needed to say. Maybe we can talk again another day?” You proposed, knowing full well you would not be able to face Mark again without feeling that horrible lump in your throat.

Staring deeply at you for a while, he said “Yeah. Yeah, yeah that’s fine. Can I walk you home? It’s late.”

It’s 8:30, you wanted to say. It’s not late. Its not too late to think about us.

But the words didn’t come out. You just nodded your head knowing Mark wouldn’t take no for an answer and you also didn’t trust your voice.

Quickly picking up your stuff you rushed out before you could hear Mark say something about you going to fast.

‘That’s not us anymore’, you thought. You would no longer hear Mark complaining close behind you as you walked at a quick pace, would no longer laugh as he ran up and grabbed your hand swinging your arms in pure bliss.

Hearing rustling behind you, you glanced behind to see Mark rushing out to catch up with you and tears brimmed your eyes. What went wrong?

As you walked in silence for a while, focused on only the road ahead you tried to block out Mark’s warm presence next to you and the cold wind biting at your uncovered arms, the t-shirt you were wearing not doing anything to block the wind.

“Here take my sweater, you’re gonna get sick.” Mark said already pulling it off his body and handing it to you.

Weakly shaking your head in protest, you tried not to focus on the heat radiating from Mark and tried to focus on the road ahead. You were almost home. Just a little longer and yo-

“Y/N.” Mark said. You were starting to really hate this tone. He grabbed your hand and forced you to turn towards him. He struggled to slip your arms through the holes as you left your limbs limp, refusing to look at his face.

Pulling the sweater over your head and pulling your hair out cautiously he muttered, in his own world not aware that you could hear him mumbling to himself. Nothing coherent but you were always aware that Mark talked to himself a lot, a sound that used to soothe your mind now making your heart twist in a way that could only be described as immense pain.

When the sweater was on and Mark retracted his hands, you didn’t hesitate to turn around fast on your heel and continue your borderline run home.

Quicker than usual you arrived home. The porch light seemed to be almost mocking you as it shone in the autumn night. ‘Almost there.’ You thought to yourself. You wanted to be inside your warm house so bad. Wanted to be in your bed, despite knowing you would not be able to control your tears once your head hit the pillow. You just wanted to be anywhere that wasn’t with Mark.

Turning around you finally looked at his face. His eyes were red, and hands curled into fists in order to keep his fingers warm. This would usually be the time you reached out with a laugh and hug him, rubbing his arms and back of his neck as you tried to share your body heat. But those times were over.

“Here, take your sweater back.” You said breaking the staring contest you were both participating in. As you went to pull it over your head, he stopped you.

“Keep it, its going to keep getting colder.”

“I have my own sweaters.”

“I know, but I know you loved borrowing this one.”

Love, you thought bitterly.

Sighing, you blinked quickly to get rid of more tears that started forming. Turning to face your house you muttered, “Bye then.”.

Staring at you for a long moment, a deep expression on his face, you knew he was going to say something that would only break your heart further. Something like “One last hug?” or “Can I at least get a kiss goodbye?” so you didn’t wait for him to say anything at all.

You made your way to the door, and while unlocking it, you paused.

Taking a deep breath, you used any and all strength in your body to turn around and see if Mark was still there. You knew he would be. He always waited until you got inside and would wait for a text to see if you got in alright. Tonight, he would wait for you to go inside but there would be no text following.

Making eye contact you mustered up the best smile you could, a small quirk of your lips, as you waved to Mark.

“See you when I see you!” He called, sad smile on his lips.

“See you when I see you,” you repeated lowly, turning back to open your door letting yourself in. You didn’t stop moving until you were inside, door locked, ignoring your mom’s questions about how your night was, wondering why you were back earlier than you told her.

You didn’t stop until you were in your bedroom, shutting the door quietly and climbing into bed.

You didn’t stop crying until there were no tears left and you could see the sun rising in the sky.

You didn’t stop loving Mark even though it caused every piece of your being to ache because he was Mark and no matter what he did you knew he was going to be a presence in your soul no matter how much you hated to admit it.

One-sided, one-sided, one-sided love.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

ACT 2

You’re too busy talking over me to hear what I’m sayin’

You’re too high to realize I see through the smile that you're fakin’

You're so into yourself, everyone else is overrated

And everything’s changing; is your heart worth breakin'?

You opened your eyes, sun peaking through your blinds, causing the throbbing in your head to worsen. The buzzing from your phone also didn’t help and your roommate/ friend seemed to agree.

“Pick up your damn phone before I throw it out the window.” Snapped Raven, pulling the blanket over her head.

Groaning, you stretched your arm across the bed with your eyes closed trying to feel for it under the mess of blankets.

Letting out a sign of relief when you finally grasped it, you swiped, accepting the call with your eyes still closed, hitting the speaker button by accident.

“Y/NNNNNNNN!!!”, sang the most irritating voice you could have possibly heard at 10 am, hungover on a Saturday morning.

“Tell Donghyuck to shut the fuck up, Y/N, I can hear him from over here!” shouted Raven angerly, muffled by the blankets.

“Donghyuck do you have to be so fucking loud? Its early and I have a huge headache,” You said into the phone, cracking an eye open to glance at the caller ID. “, Also why are you calling me from Jeno’s phone?”.

You heard some shuffling and some yelling that sounded faintly like “give me my phone back you fucking-“ and then you heard what you assumed to be a pillow hitting a body and finally Jeno’s voice.

“Y/N! Good morning!” He chirped. You wanted to wince at his tone, but his positive energy always made you smile no matter the mood you were in.

“Hiiiiiiii”, you drawled, resulting in a groan from Raven and laugh from Jeno. “, To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“Well I wanted to ask- “

“WE!!! Wanted to ask,” yelled Donghyuck.

“Ugh well, I guess we wanted to ask on behalf of Johnny- “

“Y/N you have to come to Johnny’s birthday party! Its gonna so fun and he’s gonna have drinks and- oh OW!” yelled Donghyuck followed by the sound of a pillow whacking a body again.

“Anyways, I wanted to know if you would come to Johnny’s birthday party with us. It’ll be fun and he’s gonna have drinks and food and stuff.” Said Jeno calmly.

“Hey! I literally just said that!”

“Yeah but she doesn’t want to listen to you, you fucking idiot” commented Jeno, hint of humour evident in his tone. You could practically see Hyuck pouting.

Johnny Suh was about five years older than Jeno, Donghyuck and yourself. You had first met him by accident when you ran into Jeno at the store back in seventh grade and you had decided to race shopping carts while your families did groceries. Picking a spot in the store where you thought there was no one you quickly started racing. Looking back to see if Jeno was going to beat you, you smiled triumphantly when you saw that he had stopped quite a few feet behind you. Turning back to the front you wondered why Jeno had stopped when you were faced with a tall figure and a display for toilet paper.

Desperately trying to stop your cart before you crashed into the display, or the tall boy, you managed to skid to a stop but not without taking down a few rows of the display. You had fallen right on your bottom, ache quickly spreading through your body as you heard Jeno run up behind you.

“I’m so sorry we didn’t mean to, we were just- “

“It’s fine. Just clean up. Are you okay?” Was he talking to you? You couldn’t tell through the stinging pain on your palms and ache in the bottom half of your body. His voice was deeper than you expected and his hair way too long, covering his entire forehead, swept to the side reaching his left eye and his outstretched hand looking way too big for his lanky body.

Looking from his hand and back up to his face you couldn’t stop the blush spreading across your face. You knew him. You had heard your older family-friends who lived in the area talking about ‘John Suh’, who went by Johnny to friends, and how he was so nice, so involved, so handsome and a senior in your future high school.

Hearing Jeno scoff made you snap out of your trance, charming smile (as charming as a twelve year old could muster) on your face as you grabbed John Suh’s hand and he pulled you up.

“Thank you so much! I am sorry about the display, Jeno and I will fix it!” I exclaimed quickly, smile never leaving my face.

Fixing his grocery store uniform shirt and flicking his hair off his face, John Suh offered you what you had thought at the time was the most amazing smile in the whole world, and agreed to let you do so as he had to go to the registrar’s.

“Hey, thanks again, um sorry, I didn’t catch your name?” John Suh asked looking directly in your eyes.

“Um- I uh- uh…” I stuttered. Was a senior really asking for my name? The senior in question being John Suh?!

“Its Y/N.” Jeno answered for you, annoyance laced in his tone. You could practically feel him rolling his eyes but that did nothing to ruin your mood.

“Well thanks Y/N! Be careful next time!” said John Suh. Smiling you nodded enthusiastically, not missing the way John Suh walked past Jeno, ruffling his hair, telling him to stay out of trouble.

Waving to him until he was gone, you turned angerly on your heel to face Jeno. He was making retching sounds behind you, acting out throwing up.

“Y/N, you are so lame! ‘Thank you so much, Johnny who I am most clearly in love with! I will clean up anything you ask!’” said Jeno, raising his voice a few octaves in imitation of yours.

“Shut up! First of all, why would you not tell me you know John Suh?! And that you’re close enough to call him Johnny?! Also, second of all, I do not talk like that!”

Making the talking motion with his hand, Jeno just walked by you and started picking up the toilet paper you had forgotten about.

Following his actions, you bent down to pick up a few rolls, not waiting a moment to keep bothering Jeno. “Hellooooooooooooooo. Please tell me how you know John Suh! Why wouldn’t you tell me?!” you asked as if it was vital information tethered to your life-line.

“Ugh, Y/N, I don’t know it just never came up. I’ve known him for a few years, our moms are friends. Happy?”, picking up the last roll and stacking it the same way it was before your cart collided with the display.

“Delighted.” You said.

Now in present day, you now called John Suh ‘Johnny’, much to the delight of your twelve-year-old heart. He was now one of your closest friends and confidants, or perhaps was. You had run into Johnny a few times after the grocery store incident but at the end of your seventh-grade year Johnny was to head off to university. Girls in your area, including yourself, were saddened by the loss, Jeno pretending to be disgusted whenever you complained. It wasn’t until the summer you worked at the community centre that you had gotten close to Johnny.

Mark had brought up a bon fire his older friends were throwing, inviting you to come claiming everyone there would love if you came.

After some coaxing you finally agreed to go, not without Raven, Jeno, and Donghyuck (both who were already invited because they knew the host. Jeno wouldn’t tell you who’s party it was) by your side as Mark opened the front door to greet you guys.

“Everyone’s in the back, guys you can leave your stuff in Johnny’s room.” Said Mark to Jeno and Donghyuck.

Nodding and walking off, the two boys started walking away to leave their stuff in Joh-

“Wait, who’s house is this?!” you asked worried, looking nervously at Mark.

“Oh, I thought you already knew. Jeno said you guys knew each other. It’s Johnny’s house.”

You inwardly groaned. You looked at Raven for help, but all you got was a nervous smile. She was as nervous as you. This was a party. A party with college guys, and their college antics, and Mark, and-

“Lets GOOOOOOO!” yelled Donghyuck, bolting down the stairs towards the back door.

“You ready?” Mark asked you and Raven as you made your way to the door, nodding but not missing the insulting comment Raven made about Hyuck. Snickering as you crossed through the door back into the hot night of July, you walked smack into a brick wall.

Well this brick wall was much softer than a brick wall, and also just so happened to not be a brick wall and rather the strong and broad chest of John Suh.

“Y/N! I’m so happy you could make it! Mark has been talking about you all summer, I was so happy when he said you were coming!” exclaimed John Suh, arms embracing you like old friends. Awkwardly returning the hug you tried to calm your thoughts; ‘John Suh was hugging me. The John Suh. Wait till I tell- Wait Mark talked about me?’

Moving to greet Raven, you heard him introduce himself “Hi! You must be Y/N’s friend. Hyuck doesn’t stop talking about you. I’m Johnny!” he said to her charming as ever and you already knew the earful of gushing you would hear after the party.

During the party you had met many of Johnny’s university friends; Yuta, a quiet guy with the nicest hair you had ever seen, Taeyong, a shorter, skinner man who had a precious smile and Jaehyun, two years younger than Johnny with one of the most handsome faces you had ever seen and the most delicious build.

The bonfire had been a lot of fun. Mark hardly left your side which you didn’t mind at all, even offering you his sweater when it got chilly. Laughs were exchanged and everyone was so welcoming towards Raven and you, you couldn’t help but feel disappointed when it was time to leave.

All of the boys bid you and Raven goodbye, tights hugs filled with well wishes and see you soon’s and beer and expensive cologne. Mark insisted on walking you both out, accompanied by a grumbling Donghyuck who only got up when Jeno elbowed him in the stomach with a pointed look.

Walking slowly behind Raven and Donghyuck, trying to block out the sounds of their bickering, you turned to Mark, speaking in a low tone. “Thanks for inviting us tonight. It was really fun.”

“I’m glad you came… it was really nice to have you here with me- uh I mean with us! It was really nice to have you here with all of us you know all the guys a-“

Laughing, you gently nudged Mark with your shoulder. Feeling brave you replied, “It was really nice to be here with you too, Mark.”

Finally reaching the front door which was left open courtesy of Raven and Donghyuck who had taken their bickering to the front lawn.

“Y/N… umm what I umm really wanted to umm say to you was… umm….” Began Mark, rubbing the back of his neck with his left hand.

You were about to prompt him to continue when you were both interrupted by a semi-drunk Donghyuck, “Mark did you confess already? I really can’t keep talking to this one, she’s annoying the shit out of me,” jutting out his thumb in Raven’s direction.

With your ears ringing, you watched as Mark turned to you slowly, eyes wide and mouth agape, while Raven scoffed and started a string of curse words directed at Donghyuck.

“Um so yeah… I wanted to tell you that umm… I like you. Yeah, umm you don’t have to say anything right now… damn, I’m sorry, I really didn’t want it to be this way, I- “

You suddenly grabbed his right hand, pulling him down to your height and planting a quick kiss to his cheek.

A blush spread almost instantly at the contact across Mark’s face to the tips of his ears and started opening and closing his mouth like a fish.

Face hot you whispered a quick goodbye to Mark walking briskly out the door to your car. Hearing rustling as you tried to pull out your key, you were about to ask Raven why she was coming to the driver's side, but you were met but a warm hand on your wrist-twisting you around and warm, nervous lips meeting yours.

You took in Mark’s face for a few milliseconds, bangs blowing in the summer night wind right before closing your eyes and enjoying the feeling of Mark’s lips on yours.

Everything seemed to be happening in your own world, you almost missed Donghyuk yelping and pulling out his phone. Flash going off, Mark and you separated, sheepish smiles on your faces as you avoided eye contact with each other.

Taking the keys from your hand, Raven pushed you away from the driver’s door and plopped herself down behind the wheel. “Bye Mark! It was great seeing you!” she quipped with a smirk, starting the ignition.

Walking to the passenger’s side, Mark and you talked quietly and minimally.

“I’ll text you? See you Monday?”

“Eight am, as always.” you had replied happily.

“Y/N? You still there?” spoke Jeno, bringing you back to the present day.

“Ah, yeah Jeno I’m here, sorry just spaced out. What was the question?” you asked. ‘Ugh why does everything make me think of Mark? Its been months…’ you thought to yourself.

“Hyuck and I wanted to know if you were gonna come to Johnny’s birthday party. It's not formal, just at his house but he would love to have you there. We haven’t seen you in ages.” Jeno said, a hint of sadness in his voice.

It was true you had not seen your friends in a while. The last time you were all together was at the end of August, followed by the… Mark incident in September. After that, you had limited interactions with mutual friends (including Jeno) and skipping out on birthday’s (including Yuta’s; you told him you were swamped with work and would make it up to him, to which he just responded with a thumbs-up emoji) and even the Christmas and New Years parties.

You knew Johnny would definitely be disappointed if you didn’t go…

“Yeah Jeno, of course, I’ll come! Can’t wait!”.

You now stood in front of the floor-length mirror hanging on your shared bathroom door pulling at the hem of your short black dress the following Friday night.

“Raven, are you sure this isn’t too much? Or too short? Jeno said it was casual…” you complained to your friend for the hundredth time that night. And you hadn’t even left yet.

Stilling her hand that was applying highlighter she groaned. “Y/N for the millionth time, you look fine. But you know if you really want to change go ahead. But you look great.”

‘That’s because you picked the dress,’ you groaned inwardly.

Slipping on your shoes, you waited for Raven to finish up. You both debated bringing jackets but opted not to because they would just ruin your outfits and be a hassle to carry.

The cab ride to Johnny’s house was uneventful, just on your phone, watching Snapchats Jeno had already sent you.

Midway through the long thread of videos you witnessed Donghyuck snatching the phone out of Jeno’s hand and running off. He was probably already drunk from the way he was talking but the laugh you were about to let out got stuck in your throat.

“MAAARRRRKKKKK!!!!” you heard from your phone as you watched the video. The camera turned to face Mark who laughed at the camera and wrapped his arm around Donghyuck’s shoulder.

Shutting your phone off you took in a deep breath. Of course, you knew Mark would be there. You knew but you refused to acknowledge. Living your life in ignorance since Jeno told you about the party had worked all up to this moment.

“It’ll be okay.” You heard Raven whisper, but you didn’t stop looking out the window until you were parked outside of Johnny’s house.

Paying the driver, you fiddled with your dress as you made your way up to the front door.

“Y/N, you’re completely sure you’re okay with this right? If not we can go home, its not a big- “

“No, its fine. I said I would be here so I’m here right? Besides we’re gonna get wasted!” you said, forcing a smile on your face.

With one last look at you, Raven rang the bell.

The thumping bass of the music could be heard from the end of the driveway, accompanied by loud yelling making you doubt that anyone would hear the bell until you saw the door finally crack open.

“Fin-allyyyy. I was waiting for youuuu.” Slurred Donghyuck as he opened the door for the two of you, Jeno following close behind him. The entire house smelt like alcohol and weed and sweat which suddenly had you feeling a lot more confident.

Hugging Donghyuck and Jeno, you made your way into the house, surprised Donghyuck and Raven had hugged and were actually talking civilly.

The kitchen was filled with faces familiar and not. “Y/N! Raven! You came!” yelled Johnny. He was currently standing over a shorter man who was lying shirtless on the island, pouring tequila into his belly button.

“Of course we came! We couldn’t miss John Suh’s birthday, could we?” you teased.

Groaning but holding a drunken smile on his face, he wrapped one arm around your shoulder and his other around Raven.

Taking in his familiar cologne along with the scent of alcohol calmed your nerves a bit. You had almost forgotten what you were nervous about until you heard his name.

“Mark! Let’s take shots!”, yelled a good-looking boy (everyone here seemed to be attractive) who was sporting a nice shade of pink hair. You had never seen him before but by the way, he had himself practically hanging off of Mark made you think they were close.

Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath. You were here for Johnny. To have a good time. You would not let your ex-boyfriend ruin that.

But when you opened your eyes, you found the familiar brown ones staring back at yours. He now had added blond highlights to his brown hair which looked surprisingly good (although you would never admit that out loud). He was wearing what looked like a varsity jacket and you instantly thought about how he was doing on the basketball team. Did they make it playoffs?

Seeing his mouth open shocked you back into reality. Looking ready to say something to you, you panicked. Spinning on your heel you looked back to see the shirtless man waiting impatiently for Johnny to continue the body shots.

“So, when can I start drinking?!” You laughed as you approached Johnny, back turned in Mark’s direction.

“Y/N…” you heard a voice whisper. You knew who it was.

“Ah, Johnny, where was she this whole time? Finally, some fun.” The man lying down said coyly. The smirk on his face would normally make you feel uneasy but was now the most amazing distraction.

“Y/N”, you heard a little louder now.

“So, where’s my drink?!” you practically shouted, trying to get away from any contact with your ex-boyfriend who you just so happened to still be in love with. Great.

“Right here, pretty girl.” Said the smirking, crazily attractive man, still lying on the counter and pointing to his belly button. There was a line off salt between his pectorals leading down to his navel, his defined but slim tan torso looking absolutely sinful.

“Y/N!” the dreaded voice said a bit louder, sounding way to close for you to think rationally.

Panicking and seeing no other way out, you stepped forward to the man on the countertop who was holding his head up with his hands behind his neck, smirk looking almost teasing as it did lazy.

You leaned forward to start at the bottom of the salt line, not forgetting to wet your tongue before sticking it out and licking up the salt all while holding your gaze with the man.

His body was warm and smelt slightly of what could only be a very expensive cologne. His gaze was inviting, combined with his scent making him almost so intoxicating you almost forgot the reason you were doing this.

You paused when your tongue reached the end of the salt line, spot closet to his face. Not saying anything he just jutted his chin out, reminding you to finish your mission.

Moving to his belly button you leaned your head to the side, landing it in the space between his navel and hip bone. Holding eye contact you noticed some of the tequila had spilt across his torso, moving to lick it up before it fell off his body. When you finally reached his navel and started lapping at the alcohol you felt his let out one shudder when you started, the only action in your whole interaction that led you to believe he might not be as cocky as he wanted to come off as.

Finally, when you were done you stood back up and took the lemon he handed you. Sitting up he finally spoke. “Damn, didn’t think you had it in you, pretty girl.”.

His voice was higher than you expected, and held intoxicating tone, almost sounding like a cat talking to its prey. Trying to return the cool attitude, you tried to ignore the heat you were feeling all over your body. “Well, I’m full of surprises,” you said, voice coming out way more confident than you felt, much to your delight.

“Hm, well I hope I can be a witness to more surprises,” eyes never leaving yours, almost hypnotizing. “I’m Ten.”, he said, his hand reaching out to shake yours.

“Y/N.”, you returned, taking his hand.

Eyebrow quirked; he gave you a look that you really could not decipher. Then his signature smirk reappeared. You had almost started to think it was his permanent expression. “Enjoy the party, Miss Y/N.”, he practically purred as he slid off the counter and disappeared into the crowd.

You didn’t turn around to see if anyone specific was waiting for your whole spectacle to be over and practically skipped into the living room to find Raven.

Finding Raven was not a problem as she was standing on top of the living room table dancing to the Rihanna song that was blasting through the speakers at the moment.

As she danced, Donghyuck surprisingly close to her, she spotted you and let out a sound of happiness. Pretending to pull you with an invisible rope, you made your way over to her, laughing on your way there.

She was quick to pull you up to the table, but you didn’t plant your feet properly causing you to slip.

Certain you were going to land straight and knock your head, you were quickly caught by a pair of strong arms around your waist. Head falling against your hero’s shoulder you heard their voice, familiar velvet enticing your ears for the first time in months.

“You gotta be more careful, princess.” Yuta whispered in your ear, low tone wrapping its ways around your mind, fogging your thoughts.

“Yuta. Hi.” You said as he helped you down from the table. He looked almost the same as every time you saw him, handsome as ever with striking features and perfect teeth almost as if someone had taken the time to draw him to the utmost perfection. The biggest difference in his appearance was his hair; much longer than you remembered and dyed a bleach blond, only contributing to his good looks, and the lack of red tint and glazed over look in his eyes.

“Didn’t smoke yet?”, you asked really hoping he hadn’t.

“Was just about to head out. Joining me?”, he asked, lips curling up into his signature Cheshire smile. You had always thought he was hiding something when he smiled like that, always feeling like he knew something you didn’t.

Tapping Raven’s leg and signalling that you were going outside with Yuta. After she nodded you followed him to the back door, remembering the first time you ever walked through the doors and met Yuta for the first time.

Not saying anything you watched Yuta take out his blunt and light it, smell not waiting a second to infiltrate your nostrils.

Taking a deep breath in as Yuta took a drag, you basked in the smell, patiently waiting your turn.

Yuta turned to you, placing the blunt between your lips. Moving your hand up to reposition it, you brushed against his. Trying to block the wind with one hand, he brought the lighter up to the blunt keeping it there for a good few seconds.

“Surprised you came”, he said as you inhaled deeply.

Taking your time, you moved the blunt from your lips and inhaled as much as you could before letting the smoke out.

Feeling it immediately in your lungs, you started your coughing fit, handing the blunt back to Yuta, him just lighting it up again, waiting for you to recover.

When you were done, you turned to him expectantly. Taking the blunt from him, you placed it between your lips waiting for him to continue.

“Wasn’t sure to expect you or not,” he said as he lit the ashy end of the blunt for you.

Inhaling again, this time more smoothly, you made a confused face at him. Tapping out the embers that were starting to ruin the taste you replied, “I said I was coming, so of course I came.”

Yuta shrugged, hair falling around his shoulders, either the moonlight or the weed making him look like an angel.

Yuta just looked at you, face not saying much, or maybe it actually said a lot and you just had trouble reading him. You weren’t sure.

“Glad you did.” Was all you heard as you watched Yuta start to sway slightly.

“Was taking a tolerance break,” you explained when he raised his eyebrows at you. Two hits were usually not enough for you, but that was back when you were spending much more time with Yuta and did not have to pay for weed because he would never let you. “, That’s also strong as fuck.” You giggled.

Reaching out to take another hit, Yuta ignored your hands and just placed the blunt between your pouted lips. Opening them lightly to place the blunt properly you looked up to see Yuta much closer than you expected. Eyes that seemed to be staring into your soul, he leaned away to light the blunt and waited until you pulled the almost burnt out blunt away from your lips. Then he was back to his original position, so close that if you shifted a bit forward you would bump noses.

You slowly let out smoke from your mouth as you continued to stare at Yuta, always curious about his next actions, not really ever knowing what to expect.

Which never came because you were interrupted by the one person you were avoiding.

“Johnny wants everyone to come watch him cut his cake.”, said Mark, standing at the door, blatantly staring at you and Yuta, eyeing your proximity very carefully.

Stepping away from you, Yuta sighed dramatically, tone sounding almost teasing. “Ah well, we better go. Don’t want to miss anything important.” You didn’t miss his infamous smile, looking like he could see right through you.

He walked towards Mark who was still standing at the door frame, giving him the same smile he gave you and slipping past him into the warm house.

Despite feeling the cold wind prick at your exposed skin, you couldn’t bring yourself to move as Mark and you just stared at each other.

After what felt like hours but what must have actually been a few seconds, your gazes were broken but Yuta popping his head through the door, not minding Mark’s startled stance.

“Coming, Y/N?” he asked, faux innocence dripping from his voice.

Snapping out of your trance, you twisted your lips into the biggest smile you could muster and nodded and Yuta. Making your way towards the door you inhaled quickly before passing Mark so you didn’t have to smell his cologne when you walked by.

Mark turned to the side as you passed, your arm brushing his chest when you heard something about how you always forgot a jacket. Looking up to see if Mark had said something you saw his mouth in a thin line. Brushing off it as a part of your high, you grasped Yuta’s outstretched hand and allowed him to lead you to the kitchen where Johnny was waiting to cut his cake without looking back.

The kitchen was loud and hot, only accentuating your high. Donghyuck was quick to shove a red solo cup in your hand, demanding you finish it right this instance. Filled more than halfway, it reeked of vodka and about a splash of orange juice. There was so much vodka the juice only tinted the clear drink a very faint orange.

“You would be a horrible bartender,” you laughed at Donghyuck.

“I didn’t make you a drink to enjoy Y/N, I made you a drink to get DRUNK!”, words slurring together as he laughed with you.

Turing to Yuta, you saw him with a smirk and cocked eyebrow, challenging you. “Can you do it, Y/N? Or can you still not hold your drink?”.

Scoffing, you rolled your eyes. “I’m not an amateur, Yuta. You know that.”

Knowing the smirk would not leave his face, you smiled at Donghyuk. “Bottoms up!” you cheered as you downed the drink.

You didn’t stop chugging despite your body instantly warming and the feeling of bile in your throat. Finally reaching the end you slammed the cup down on the counter and let out a gag.

“Hyuck, that somehow tasted worse than usual.” You complained as Yuta kindly handed you a cup of actual juice.

“That’s because its Johnny’s Belvedere Silver! His parents gave it to him for his birthday, he was so drunk he handed me the bottle,” Donghyuck said, snickering in a sinister way.

“It’s not right to take advantage of the birthday boy.” Came a familiar, cat-like voice.

Ten, who was now wearing a white button-up (that was completely see-through), squeezed his way between Yuta and you, leaving you to press up against Donghyuck who did not seem aware of his surroundings at all. Returning Ten’s cunning smile with a genuine one of your own you felt the effects of the alcohol running through your system.

Looking around, a smile crossed your face as you recognized familiar faces. Johnny was currently deemed “unable to participate in festivities at the current moment and will rejoin the party in approximately ten minutes” by Jaehyun who didn’t fail to gather you in his arms when he finally made his way over to you. Two kisses pressed to your smiling cheeks, the feeling of guilt washing over you as you remembered you had not spoken to him since the summertime.

“Coming to my birthday party?”, he had asked you.

Handsome features struck you all over again, foggy feeling only increasing as you downed three shots while conversing with him.

After the third shot, you watched Jaehyun’s back retreat to go get Johnny when a head of yellow blond flashed before your eyes and were soon being pulled into a warm hug between skinny but toned arms.

“Y/N!”, exclaimed Taeyong. “I haven’t seen you in forever!” he hiccuped.

All you could do in response was laugh, hug him back, and tell him how good his hair looked.

“Let’s cut some cake!” yelled Johnny, practically being held up by Jaehyun.

Cheers were let-out around the kitchen as the crowd suddenly surged forward towards the counter. You were separated from Taeyong but spotted Donghyuck and Jeno from where you ended up. Attempting to make your way over to them, you stumbled, accidentally colliding with the very attractive pink-haired boy that was around Mark when you had first arrived.

“Careful now,” he smiled as he turned to you, gripping a shoulder so you didn’t topple over. Even if you were not as drunk as you were, you would have still smiled back just as wide as you were, trying to reciprocate the beautiful smile the boy was giving you.

“Johnny’s cutting his cake now, Jaemin.” Said the one person you were avoiding. Turning your head to the side so fast you could have got whiplash, you started up at Mark. Where had he come from?!

Before anyone could say anything, an off-tune rendition of Happy Birthday started, courtesy of Jaehyun. The pink-haired boy next to you, Jaemin, started singing loudly, smile still wide on his face as he watched Johnny laugh with glee, waving the knife a little too much.

From the corner of your eye you could see Mark, mouth moving with the words and eyes focused on his phone screen, recording Johnny. His lips were upturned slightly into small smile and hair falling into his eyes.

Snapping your eyes back towards the cake cutting in front of you, you chastised yourself for looking. You were supposed to be moving on, not staring at him!

Clapping with happiness after Johnny managed to cut his cake (not without whacking icing all over the counter) you turned around looking for your friends.

“Y/N can we talk?” you heard Mark say. Looking around you, you couldn’t see anyone you felt like sticking too, leaving you in a moment of panic. Not seeing a way out and senses hazy, you nodded at Mark.

Following him through the crowd you ignored his outstretched hand behind him to make sure you were keeping up with him and focused on the back of his neck.

He led you upstairs and into a bedroom you could only presume was Johnny’s; bikini calendar hiding behind the open closet door, high school graduation photo framed on the desk of him, Yuta and Taeyong. There were university photos including Jaehyun, Ten and many others you had seen downstairs. There was even some with you in them, the one standing out the most being the one taken at the first party you attended, the one where you were able to meet some of your favourite people in your life.

It was a group photo, everyone standing far enough from the camera to make sure everyone was seen. You were sitting next to Mark on lawn chairs, hair in two French braids (courtesy of Raven who had given Yuta a braiding tutorial earlier that night) and wearing Mark’s grey zip-up hoodie. You had leaned into Mark, head titled, almost resting on his, broad grins across your faces. On the arms of the chairs, you could see yours and Mark’s hands resting very close to each other.

Not realizing you had been staring for so long, you were only knocked back to reality when Mark picked up the frame, shifting your line of vision.

“This night was really fun,” he started, smiling done at the photo. “, It was one of our favourite times together.” He said much more softly.

Sighing, you suddenly felt the room start spinning and a crushing feeling against your skull. Moving towards the bed you heard him ask, “You good?”.

You absolutely despised the genuine concern oozing from his voice.

Sitting on the bed, you attempted lying down but your dress kept riding up. Regretting the outfit choice for another time that night, you struggled for a few seconds trying to figure out how to lie down without flashing Mark until you realized there was no way. Letting out a huff you looked up to see Mark standing in front of you, varsity jacket draping across your lap before you could even protest.

Not saying anything, Mark sat on the bed next to you and then allowed his body to relax, head hitting the mattress with a soft thud.

Mimicking his actions, you lied down next to him, keeping your vision towards the ceiling.

Eyes meeting the night sky and not a popcorn ceiling, you remembered Johnny telling you that when he was younger, he had been obsessed with astronomy. Begging for a skylight, his father somehow managed to create a skylight type window in Johnny’s room. The light from the sky never seemed to bother Johnny, the bed even positioned specifically to look right out into the sky. Only child perks, you guessed.

You don’t know how long you both laid there. Unmoving, just breathing and staring into the sky. It had been long enough for the throbbing in your head to fade, leaving you with heavy eyes, fluttering closed with fatigue.

“I regret it.”

That snapped you awake.

Keeping your eyes forward to the sky, you hesitated in your response. “Regret what?” you asked, voice barely above a whisper.

“Y/N.” he said, turning to look at you. His voice was firm like that day in the café, only this time it held another emotion. Sadness? Desperation? You couldn’t tell.

Unable to stop yourself, you turned your head towards his. The proximity between you two was very limited. You could smell the beer and mint gum in his breath, could see the specks in his eyes.

“Are you okay now?” he asked. You nodded.

“Y/N… I- I’m… I’m sorry.”, he said sadly.

And because you knew Mark you knew what he meant by that. ‘I’m sorry for making you cry.’ ‘I’m sorry for making you hurt.’ ‘I’m sorry I broke your heart.’

Mouth opening to reply, you quickly shut your mouth at the sight of Mark’s watery eyes.

“Y/N… I’m in love with you. I’m still in love with you. If um… you don’t umm… if you don’t feel the same I und- “

He was cut off by your lips meeting his.

You hadn’t realized how much you missed kissing Mark until this moment right here. Pure electricity seemed to instantly course through your veins as your mind was sent into an instant frenzy.

It wasn’t until you felt hot tears falling from your eyes that you pulled away, laughing and gasping for air.

Whipping the tears away, you looked at Mark. He was smiling widely at you, soon joining in on your laughter.

Soon after you both had finished laughing for so long and hard that you were clutching your stomachs, Mark grabbed your hands with his, little giggles still leaving his lips.

“I’m still in love with you too.” You said softly after you had both calmed down.

Smiling broadly, Mark stood up, signalling for you to pass his jacket.

Fixing your dress, you handed him the jacket, him holding is open behind you, waiting for you to slip your arms inside. Basking in the scent familiar scent from the jacket (it just smelt so… Mark) you allowed Mark to pull you up with both hands.

Intertwining fingers, he led you out of the room, back into the hot house and thumping bass.

“Be mine?” he asked nervously, pausing before descending down the stairs.

“I always was.” You stated with a small smile.

Smiling so wide his eyes scrunched, he let out a sound of glee and pulled you close.

Walking down the stairs with his arms around you took you back to all of the times before the… incident and made your heart flutter.

Walking into the kitchen hand in hand, you were pleasantly surprised to see many familiar faces.

“CALLED IT!” yelled Donghyuck, Raven whacking him on the arm for yelling in her ear. “Hand it over.” He said, hand out towards Yuta.

Huffing, Yuta reached into his pocket and handed a very happy Donghyuck a twenty.

“Did you guys seriously bet on us?”, asked Mark, eyes wide.

“Ugh I had really thought today was gonna be a test run. Thought you would actually make up at Jaehyun’s party,” grumbled Yuta.

“Well I’m verrrrry happy you guys are back together,” slurred Johnny, rolling his r’s very harshly. Jaehyun pushed his hand away from a pile of icing that had landed on the counter and smiled at you and Mark.

“Congrats guys. I’m happy you worked it out.” Ever the romantic, Jaehyun smiled fondly at the two of you, Taeyong giving you both a congratulations as well.

Jeno was absolutely ecstatic at the fact that you were back together, complaining to Mark about how apparently you were “mopping around without him”. You didn’t hesitate to punch him in the arm.

“Picture time!” called Johnny, setting up his phone on the stand with the help of Taeyong.

You were surrounded by the familiar faces that had all welcomed you that first bonfire the summer you met Mark.

Leaning your head towards his, imitating the pose from the original picture, you heard Mark whisper as the flash went off.

“I love you.”

And you knew everything would be alright.

LE FIN

177 notes · View notes

johannesviii · 3 years

Text

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2020

You know, when I finished my latest list and realised every decade had the same pattern and that we were slowly going towards a series of great years for pop, I didn’t realise how good that year would be.

What’s at the top? Am I boringly predictable because I already said I loved that song all the way back in January 2020? Let’s find out.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will probably be stuff in French somewhere on this post. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

So. Uh. How was your 2020?

Mine was actually surprisingly good, considering. I’m lucky enough to have a job that I can partially do from home, and I was extremely paranoid from the get-go and nobody got sick under this roof so far. Turns out I’m even better at my job from home and I got permission to work from home one day per week even after the health crisis is over! My first name was also finally officially approved and I can’t tell you how happy I feel about that. I almost feel bad to have had such a good year considering the circumstances. I feel like an asshole just because I’m happy, haha.

The only frustrating part was that I was supposed to see Hatari in concert in Paris in early April which, as you can guess, was cancelled. I’m not too mad about it though, since their tour was called “Europe will crumble” and the message saying the tour was cancelled started with “since Europe is actually crumbling due to Covid-19″ and that’s hysterical.

Good or interesting albums that came out in 2020 now, let’s see.

Nightwish released Human/Nature, which was a huge letdown compared to their previous album, but I will relisten to it at some point to make sure I wasn’t just in a bad mood that day.

The Birthday Massacre released Diamonds, which might be their weakest album since their debut, but contained some real gems (I listened to The Last Goodbye on a loop, it floored me. Flashback and Enter are also very good).

The 1975 released Notes On A Conditional Form, and let’s be real, it’s a f█cking mess. You could cut half the tracks and end up with an excellent album, but as it is it’s like, yes, a collection of notes ; however there’s some truely excellent shit on it (see unelligible songs).

Thanks to a friend on a discord server I was exposed to Dorian Electra’s music and I haven’t been quite the same ever since. I’m so happy to be alive to see other enbies making such great music with an insanely good aesthetic surrounding it and asking so many interesting questions about gender. Also the arc the ‘gentleman’ character goes through over the course of the entire tracklist of the 2020 My Agenda album is absolutely hilarious, don’t @ me.

I also discovered 100 Gecs this year. Why are most of you guys saying it’s unlistenable garbage. It’s just as abrasive and over the top as industrial music is, but with none of the edginess or drama. I love it. What the hell. But yeah Tree of Clues was released this year. Good.

Speaking of industrial, in March 2020 Nine Inch Nails were like “hey remember when we released Ghosts I-IV a decade ago entirely for free and how amazing that was? Well we’re all in lockdown and bored as hell so here’s Ghosts V-VI and it’s also free. Enjoy” and I f█cking died instantly. And it’s even better than I-IV. What the hell was that year

Jonsi released Shiver. It’s strange and highly experimental. I’m pretty sure it’s a good thing I was into hyperpop this year, otherwise going from his previous material straight to this album would have been brutal.

Yadda yadda yadda After Hours by the Weeknd good yadda yadda.

I’ve joked about that already but if you had told me in 2019 that 2020 would have fires, a pandemic, riots, monoliths appearing and disappearing, and also a super good Machine Gun Kelly album, guess which part I would have found the most ridiculous. But yeah uh. Tickets to my Downfall good

So uh this year I tried to listen to some hyperpop and liked it a lot, and I also dipped my toes timidly into screamo and listened to Svalbard, who released When I Die this year, and the entire album was a very beautiful, very intricately decorated punch to the face. It sounds like God Is An Astronaut except with a shit ton of yelling. I love it. Open Wound is my favorite track on it.

But no, despite all of this, my album of the year was from a band I had never even heard about before that year, called Spanish Love Songs. The album is titled Brave Faces Everyone and it’s line after line after line of extremely relatable generational angst but yelled with complete sincerity and it’s so propulsive and energetic you can’t help but feel both exhausted and ready to fight the entire universe. I don’t know how it works, but it’s incredible. The entire album is wonderfully brutal, so it’s kind of difficult to pick my favorite songs on it, but Beachfront Property and the title track stand out.

Unelligible songs, now, and there’s, uh, quite a few of them too so I’m also gonna use bullet points. Good lord this post is gonna be long.

First, let me say I have literally no idea why Midnight Sky by Miley Cyrus wasn’t a bigger hit. It’s not on the year-end US top 100 and it feels extremely wrong. Would have made it to #4 on this list otherwise.

I still entertain the vague hope that stuff from Machine Gun Kelly will chart higher in 2021 but I doubt it will happen so I might as well tackle it now and say that Bloody Valentine and especially Forget Me Too are both excellent and that it’s a shame radios aren’t playing them more often.

Heaven by the late Avicii featuring Coldplay should have charted in 2019 and still didn’t chart in 2020 and that’s a real shame.

If the world was a bit less unfair, Lovesick Girls by Blackpink would have been a hit rather than the awful Ice Cream.

One day I will stop complaining about my bafflement concerning the lack of mainstream pop charts success of The 1975. Today is not that day. I just love how they keep making songs about extremely awkward relationships full of weird details, and I haven’t grown tired of that yet. So yeah If You’re Too Shy is about a guy who’s crush is asking him to get naked on Skype in his hotel room and he’s, uh, not too sure about that idea.

And Me & You Together is about a guy who never finds the right moment to tell his best friend he’s in love with her, and he manages to do so at the end and it’s cute as hell. My fave part is “I'm sorry that I'm kinda queer / It's not as weird as it appears / It's 'cause my body doesn't stop me (Stop me) / Oh, it's okay, lots of people think I'm gay / But we're friends, so it's cool, why would it not be?”. Relatable as f█ck.

And now for an international hit that should have been bigger in the US and/or in my country but wasn’t: Head & Heart by Joel Corry and MNEK.

I’ve heard Nos Célébrations by Indochine extremely often on French radio for months now so I was very surprised to see that it didn’t crack the local year-end list. What happened.

I can finally hear the appeal of Bring Me The Horizon. It took me ages. And also Death Stranding. The song Ludens isn’t in the game per say, but it’s among the ones you can pick to broadcast briefly when people drive by your constructions, and long story short it's been living rent-free in my head for months now.

Phew.

It’s time for a round of Honorable Mentions for elligible songs, containing a couple of guilty pleasures, which is saying something considering the kind of shit I put on some of my previous lists.

Ne Reviens Pas (Gradur et Heuss l’Enfoiré) - Heuss is a French artist that kept baffling me while making my lists for the previous years, and I was like “??? ok, that’s it then, I guess I’m getting too old to get what teenagers find funny”. This one worked for me, though. And the music video doesn’t hurt. Really dumb and really fun.

Adore You (Harry Styles) - Perfectly good little pop song, very pleasant to listen to, never outstayed its welcome for me.

Mood (24kGoldn) - This doesn’t sound like a very good relationship, my dude, but that’s still a super pleasant song.

WAP (Cardi B & Megan Thee Stallion) - This song is absolutely hilarious and I will hear no argument from any of you.

Control (Zoe Wees) - Was clearly a hit here. Should have been even bigger though. What a powerful but comfy voice. If I had better taste it would be on the list.

Hot Girl Bummer (Blackbear) - I. Uh. Listen. I keep saying I have bad taste and nobody believes me. Do you believe me now. But yeah. “F█ck you, and you, and you~, I hate your friends and they hate me too” is gonna pop in my head every single time someone is being a jerk anywhere near me now. It’s been happening all year already. Someone trashed my documents at work? Someone isn’t wearing a mask in public? That guy has filled his car with rolls of toilet paper? Brain goes “F█ck you, and you, and you~”. Every. Single. Time.

Come & Go (Juice WRLD & Marshmello ) - Damn, that’s a pretty good little song. I’ve seen plenty of people saying it’s ruined by the drop, but may I remind you I’m the person who loves Blue by Eiffel 65 with all my heart. If the song was ramping up consistently until the end instead of ending like that, it would have made the list, definitely.

And now, the actual list. This one actually feels pretty solid, I genuinely like everything on it, there’s no filler here for once.

10 - The Box (Roddy Rich)

US: #3 / FR: #23

Now this is a weird case, because for the longest time I couldn’t figure out why this song was so popular and I was completely neutral about it. Then, one morning in September, my mental jukebox (which always, always puts a song on a loop in my head when I wake up) decided to play it. And I was like oh wow?? I never noticed the atmosphere in that song before? It’s so great. And that hook too. Let’s listen to it.

So yeah, I don’t know what happened. It just clicked one day and everything fell into place, I guess.

9 - Alane (Wes & Robin Shulz)

US: Not on the list / FR: #93

Come on. You can’t do a remake of one of my previous #1 songs and let it chart in 2020. That’s cheating. Even with this subpar drop, I have to put it on the list, now.

I’ve already said my piece about the original, so I’m just going to send you back to my 1997 list.

8 - Kings and Queens (Ava Max)

US: Not on the list / FR: #76

[BBC documentary voice] After Lady Gaga decided to make piano balads and left her musical niche vacant, Ava Max quickly took her place as the top predator pop diva. Even after Lady Gaga was re-introduced to her natural habitat in 2020, she still hasn’t fully recovered in Europe, where Ava Max still reigns supreme on the charts -

(tldr I think it’s hilarious that this isn’t on the US Billboard while Lady Gaga isn’t on the French year-end top 100)

7 - Roses (Saint Jhn & Imanbek)

US: #19 / FR: #3

What an earworm. It doesn’t even bother trying to have an intro or an outro, so it loops almost perfectly. It’s like entering a party that started long before you arrived, and it will go on long after you leave it to go back home. Kind of hypnotic in a way.

And yes, my mental jukebox was very fond of using it to wake me up this year, so this is another song that’s here almost solely because of that.

6 - Physical (Dua Lipa)

US: Not on the list / FR: #69 (hehehe)

“Hey I’m not that old” says the guy who’s definitely a sucker for this kind of retro throwback that was so popular this year. Oh well.

I don’t have anything interesting to say about this one, though. Apart from the fact that everyone seems to have a different fave song on that album. Guess that’s quality for you.

5 - Rain on Me (Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande)

US: #48 / FR: Not on the list

That is far from being Lady Gaga’s best song, but it was a joy to listen to everytime it was on the radio anyway. Also Ariana Grande has surprisingly good chemistry with Gaga! This year was full of strange duets mostly made for commercial reasons, and this one isn’t an exception, but unlike a lot of them, it really, really works.

4 - Dynamite (BTS)

US: #38 / FR: Not on the list

I’m still not 100% sold on k-pop even if a ton of it sounds super good, but come on. Even if some bits of this song (especially the beginning of the second chorus) sound a bit like they were made on autopilot, it still sounds just as happy and fun several months after I first heard it and I never got tired of it. That’s quality. You hear it and you can’t help but tap your feet and smile.

Actually, I’m sure there’s people somewhere that don’t smile when they hear this song. And they must be avoided at all costs.

3 - Godzilla (Eminem ft Juice WRLD)

US: #62 / FR: Not on the list

What are you doing so high on this list, old man. Why are you still here in the year 2020. I thought we left you in the previous decade. Who gave you the right.

I’m gonna tell you who did, and it’s actually Juice WRLD. Because that chorus is incredible, and like a lot of people I’m pissed off because the guy died super young and this shit shouldn’t happen to anybody. No, his early material wasn’t great, but I’m sorry I’m gonna say it again: have you heard this damn chorus? It’s suspenseful and dark, it’s got this lowkey menacing quality, it’s an earworm and a half, and it’s more convincing in like six lines than Eminem’s own flexing is in the entire song.

The beat is extremely good as well, and the flow, obviously, impressive. The weakest link is Eminem’s writing, which is as usual full of puns and weird wordplay, except here a lot of it isn’t great, and that last ultra fast part at the end is technically impressive but it also drives the song up a cliff and stops it dead in its tracks once it’s over. But frankly the lines fly by so fast it’s difficult to be too annoyed by them.

Can I sincerely put this extremely flawed song so high on my list? A better question would be “did I spend hours trying to learn how to sing this shit without choking on my own spit?”. The answer is yes. To both.

2 - Heartless (The Weeknd)

US: #28 / FR: Not on the list

I’ve said it on my 2015 and 2016 lists already, but just for the record I’ll say it again: it took me ages to like The Weeknd, mostly because I found most of his songs fairly boring, or disliked the lyrics, or both. Also I never really liked the general vibe of his “sexy” songs like The Hills, they felt dark but in an unpleasant creepy way. Felt like miserable hedonism, if that makes sense.

So, because I’m a person with extremely consistent and logical tastes, here’s the exact same shit he was making before, except that this time I absolutely adore it.

What is he doing differently that makes the whole After Hours album click for me whereas almost all of his previous material failed to do so? Is it the energy? Is it the reverb? Is it the fact that the narrator sounds properly unhinged and, frankly, scared to be spiralling out of control? Why are the colors so beautiful yet full of anxiety? Why is that bridge so fantastic? How can you make your voice look like a glowstick in the dark?

I give up. I have no clue. At least I’m done talking about-

Oh.

1 - Blinding Lights (The Weeknd)

US: #1 / FR: #1 (listen sometimes something’s just that good, ok)

Surprise. Or not.

Wow, look at that, Johannes has put this year’s number one pop song at number one on their personal playlist. The audacity. The edge. What a hot take.

I discovered that song when it first came out at the end of 2019 and I adored it instantly. And I was so scared it wouldn’t be a hit. Which means I’m a f█cking dumbass considering it ended up breaking all sorts of records in 2020. But what can I say, overplay can be a blessing when you love a song that much.

Like every single song I put at number one on one of my lists, I will draw this one at some point and you will understand how incredibly satisfying it is to listen to a song called Blinding Lights, talking about city lights looking blurry when you’re driving at night, while looking itself like a bunch of blurry city lights passing by super fast. Perfect in every way.

Also it sounds exactly like A-ha, and that never hurts.

See you next year! Pretty sure it will be even better music-wise.

#Johannes’ bad not good pretty terrible music lists #music #long post #eye contact tw

14 notes · View notes