#'no way id be afraid of ruining the friendship'

[fefairys]

inspired by the poll asking if you would tell your best friend if you were in love with them

#cuz a lot of ppl on that poll were like #'no way id be afraid of ruining the friendship' #but idk man ive told friends i had a crush on them #and got rejected and like #we just. continued being friends like normal. nothing changed #except they would sometimes tease me about my crush haha #but it wasnt a big deal and didnt effect our friendship #and also getting rejected helps me get over an unrequited crush #so it eventually faded after being told theyre not interested #and we were just best friends still #nbd! #poll

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

Hi ☺️ id like to request a vampire!eddie who is friends with reader but they both want more. But maybe vampire!eddie is afraid to hurt reader so he tries to remain friends. Reader finally gives up and tells eddie they can be friends but she needs to move on. She ends up on a date that ends terribly, when she gets home eddie is waiting for her and confesses he cant just be friends and they happily get together bc neither deserve anymore angst lol.

Warnings: Angst to fluff 💕

Dont copy, reuse or repost my work

Request by @swansonron

♥️

Many people have fun stories about how they've met their best friend.

For you and Eddie its no different except for one thing.

Your best friend is a vampire. Yes, exactly like Dracula, Anna Rice's Interview with a Vampire, Angel and Spike from Buffy...

Oh, and he doesn't sparkle in the sun just FYI.

Eddie may be a vampire but he's the sweetest, kindest man you've ever met. He's never hurt a human and you know he'd never hurt you.

You've fallen for him, hard but despite how close you both are, how it's obvious both you want to take your friendship to the next level Eddie holds back.

He's terrified of hurting you, even though you know he won't but he's got the idea in his head that his enhanced strength will end up with you hurt in some way.

Honesty, he's the most gentle man you've ever known and you know accidents can happen, but what they didn't?

You wish deep in your heart that Eddie would give you and him a chance but it looked increasingly unlikely and the more it broke your heart.

🦇

After much deliberation, constantly unsure of what to do and many sleepless nights you had come to a decision.

If Eddie would never accept the idea of you and him together then you had to move on. For both your sake.

You loved his frienship and never wanted to ruin it so maybe moving on would be best for everyone.

Even if you doubted that you could find someone as incredible as Eddie, you had to try didn't you?

Telling Eddie was the hardest part as your heart still longed for him.

"I have to move on Eddie. I want to be with you so much but it's clear you don't feel the same." your heart clenches painfully and you take a second before speaking again.

"We can be friends obviously but I can't keep hoping and waiting for you when this isn't what you want"

Saying all of this is hurting your heart but it needs to be said. You need to move on and stop living in a dream world.

Eddie is quiet as he takes this in and gives a tiny nod of his head.

"I understand princess" There's a hint of pain in his voice and you desperately want to soothe him, take the pain away.

By the time you move forward just an inch to go and comfort him, it's like he puts a mask up, his brown eyes darken and he steps back.

Tears prick your eyes but you swallow them down. Maybe he really doesn't care... He's just your friend and that's it.

"I have a date on Friday. It's with a guy called Jason" he nods and turns away.

"Right, well I hope it goes well sweetheart. I'll see you tommorow" he pauses and then turns back to you and gently kisses your cheek.

The soft brush of his lips on yours, the way his brown eyes meet your gaze for a minute makes your heart race.

When you open your eyes, he's gone and all that's left is a hollow feeling in your chest.

♥️

Shit, could this night get any worse?

Jason was one of those washed up jocks who sat relieving his glory days as a high school heartthrob and football captain.

He barely asked anything about you and when he did it didn't last long.

Long story short? You wish you were with Eddie instead.

Jason gulps down his wine and grows increasingly more and more drunk, conversation is stilted and no matter how many times you pick it up, it doesn't help.

The two of you have nothing in common, in fact he could be the greatest guy in the world and your heart would still belong to Eddie.

This frustrates you. Ugh, so much for trying to get over him. You needed to accept he didn't want to be with you. In some ways you had but your heart was different.

Your heart longed for a happy ending but its obvious you wouldn't find it here.

♥️

Eddie was waiting for you when you got home, he has a determined look on his face.

"Hi, what are you doing here Ed's?" you ask him curiously. Your traitor heart skips a beat as you eye him.

"I wanted to make sure you got home okay. How was your date?" you groan and slump on the sofa.

"Awful, truly awful" he growls and his eyes flash red briefly. Shit he's pissed.

"Do I need to have words with this douchebag" his protectiveness is sweet but you can handle a tipsy idiot.

"No, you'd scare him to death Eddie, I'm okay"

He kneels down beside you and takes your hand.

"What if I just frighten him a little bit? Turn into my bat form and scare the shit out of the dumb fuck?" this makes you giggle at the thought but you shake your head.

"No, remember what happened last time" Poor Miss Dawson is still on edge about bats.

He nods smirking then turns serious, his eyes lock with yours.

"When you were on the date it was driving me crazy. I can't just be friends with you sweetheart, I want more"

After a shitty night hearing this is like a dream.

"You mean it Eddie?" he nods, his thumb circling over your fingers. Sparks and tension comes off the both of you in waves.

Fuck, you so badly want to kiss him.

"I've never wanted anything more sweetheart, I adore you. I've falling for you, hard"

Eddie kisses you. You've been waiting for so long for this to happen and now that it is you can't believe it.

You kiss him back with equal fervour and he smiles against your lips.

"I'm gonna love you forever sweetheart"

Maybe happy endings weren't just for fairtytales after all.

♥️

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson angst #vampire eddie munson #vampire eddie x reader

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for not going to a convention with my friends?

backstory to this one is, theres some big anime convention in my country next weekend. my friends (all 20ish) really want to go there, so we bought tickets together in november and already set up stuff to spend the night etc. I (23) also went to gamescom with one of them last year and had a blast. but when we were planning this event, i constantly wasnt really sure if i wanted to go or not. at some point they went "hey we need to know now, otherwise the tickets might be sold out for the day" so i agreed to going with them. i was thinking that maybe, i was just being hesitant then but ill get excited about it once the dates actually closer.

since then, my life has been a bit of a mess, and i recently lost the position i had before (apprenticeship/job school which provided me money each month, which I'll now have to pay back, about 8k in total) and im currently still reorganizing my life. I have a lot of support from my family so its not like im going to be homeless, but its still a stressful situation to be in and Im kind of trying to save money right now. If i end up going to the convention with them, id probably have to spend money on takeout and i might end up wanting to buy merch at the convention itself, since thats part of the whole reason while you're going to one in the first place. One of my friends and me also ordered cosplays from the same game so we could walk around together.

its now exactly a week away and i still dont really feel like i want to go, especially added with my whole life situation being different than planned right now. But im also afraid of telling them about it, since i should have spoken up way sooner, but didnt since i thought my opinion might change.

i could give my current situation as a reason, but that feels like it wouldnt be entirely true since ive been debating not going at all since the start and i dont wanna lie to them. I know if i tell them now, they'll be mad at me and might not understand my reason for not going/try to convince me otherwise. i also dont want to ruin their whole plan, especially the cosplay one. i just dont want their convention experience to be shitty because i bailed at the last second. (i already paid them for the shared tickets etc so thats technically not an issue). I also dont want our friendship to be in danger because I didnt tell them sooner and am now 'suddenly' deciding against it.

but at the same time, I dont want to just go along to please them when my current situation does not really allow it and when im not feeling like id be having fun at all and would just want to save my money and go back home to my cat the entire time.

so, WIBTA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[sunset-bridge]

gorbo thoughts part .. 3?

goro thoughts update. id like to ramble again

ok i think he might not have ocd actually! i mean he could but like...i dont think theres too many signs. so yes id like to. recall that. i think that was just me projecting LMAO.. its ok! i love learning more about my favorite guy. you know what he does have

i stand by the ocpd. (obsessive compulsive personality disorder, its a completely different thing from OCD. its a personality disorder) also Definetely ctpsd (complex ptsd)...... ! i was talking with someone and they brought it up and i was like. WOAG.. after reading about it

disclaimer: i only talk about these because i have them LOL.. im sure gorbo has a cute soup of Other problems but like. i cant really talk about those well... i find these two really interesting though.

see. ocpd, is like the perfectionist control freak disorder. its what people Think ocd is lol. BUT as a personality disorder, its so much more than that. people with ocpd also:

-you tend to have a black and white moral code

-your way is the only right way.

-you like to do things alone because no one else could do them right; this may cause relationship problems and you may come across as a fucking cunt ( i know this..)

difficulty compromising and accepting any critisicim of your actions or opinions.

excessive devotion to work and productivity

sosososo afraid of failure even if its kinda small. you feel it will ruin your image forever and ever. if i make a mistake put me to death please.

Frequently become overly fixated on a single idea, task or belief. even to detriment of . everything else in your life...

yeah...

me and some friends definetely see some of these in goro! ofc im so happy to hear what you guys think, i dont mind changing my views at all (like with the ocd thing i changed opinion about!)

like.. hes super fixated on his revenge plan, its the Only thing he cares about and everything is fair game if it allows him to advance that. leave him alone, its no one elses problem. he knows what hes doing. he has to be right about his values and beliefs. he has to. or else whats the point. dont tell him hes wrong. what do you mean? you dont know anything about him. he cant fail, he cant make mistakes, he has to work hard so everyone sees him exactly as he wants to and as someone valuable.

and. cptsd. as the name suggests its. a form of ptsd but..it has the Special Added features of:

-sometimes cant control emotions well

-you feel angry distrustful and resentful at the world in general

you feel worthless, empty or forever damaged by an event. like if you were stained with dirt forever.

you feel isolated. like no one could ever even understand what you went through (not in like an. edgy kid way. like fr. you feel even if you explained to people. they wouldnt understand you and your feelings. or theyd judge you and further hurt you...)

avoiding friendships and relationships, or finding them very difficult (!!)

escapism or depersonalisation...dissociative behaviors .

yeah.. ! yeah. i think these ring quite some bells huh..! its really shitty! you feel like no one would get it, like no one would like you, like you are ruined forever and theres not much to do about it.

makes sense that goro would absorb himself in his plan. after all. he felt he was some sort of curse upon his mom; as if he was the one responsible for ruining her life.. but hed like to "redeem" himself with the revenge plan. he has to, even if its difficult to go on. i wonder if he planned to do anything if he achieved his plan? i dont think so. its a bit sad but.. he didnt really seem to plan doing. or living much more after. its like his whole life he convinced himself his only use would be as the vehicle to enact a revenge years in the making, and thats it.

as if he wasnt a person. just a tool to revenge. i think this is why its so difficult, frustrating and downright distressing to him to accept he too, has feelings and wants and needs like any Normal Person on planet earth. no way. those just interfere with the plan. and he has no right anyways.

i thought how id feel, in his shoes and with all my cute soup of wrong stuff, if some guy showed up, hes the guy i gotta kill. ok. then hes nice with me, as if mocking me. hes better at me in most things. he has friends and family and everyone likes him and he barely moves a finger. while i had to work so damn hard to even get acknowledged?? what does he have that i do not. hes nothing special. so why? then this guy acts like a fool even when hes so extraordinary in every aspect... does he think its funny? for someone so special to pretend to be ordinary. when id kill to be just half as special as him. honestly.. id become super frustrated with this bastard too. his presence would infuriate me. and the most frustrating thing, would be that this guy seems to be the only guy that seems to like hanging out with me. what the hell. guess he enjoys trying to humor me..

man...

#goro akechi #p5 #sure i guess #ahah the rival life with ocd ocpd and other fun things is so. fun (NOT) #man #this is why i became so attached to him when i was playing... its like. YO THIS guy this guy gets it (becomes obsessed) #im not joking i think goro is probably my favorite character in anything ever. at least now. but like. ive never. felt so much ...for any #fictional guy #man.... #love to hear you guys thoughts! as i said i dont dislike if you disagree on something; sometimes i may be seeing things wrong! i want to #know so much and understand my favorite guy ever ^^ hes so much to me. so id love to hear everything!! #after all. i hadnt even considered cptsd before someone brought it up. even tho. i also. have. it. LOL

[obeymesheep]

Trust

Royal AU Lucifer

Knight Reader, he/him you/your pronouns

Warning! Battle, death, Violence nothing to graphic tho, and with lots of fluff at the end but also pretty ambiguous

AAAAAAAAAA I've been thinking about this for so long and worked really hard on it and i hope it comes off the way. I might do a whole series of this, if this does well and lmk if you want more!

Lucifer, a cold-faced prince with an impeccable ability to avoid his father's marriage alliance attempts, although he was handsome, he was also terrifying, in a kind of ruin your life way. So, the occasional suitor scare wasn’t hard when a sturdy glare could catch them a carriage out of his kingdom. He thought he was far better observed from afar anyway, although dreams of romance weren't completely off the table. He often hoped, in his id, that someone, maybe a far-off prince, would dance him, into falling in love with him, into Lucifer declaring that he belongs to him, mind, body, and soul. However, now wasn’t the time for daydreams.

Lucifer was preparing himself for a takeover, a brutal one. Lucifer was going to kill his father, the king. Lucifer's father was a tyrant, ruling with an iron fist, putting himself, before Lucifer and his brothers, and even before his kingdom, and his people. He started pointless wars, only to ravage and rape. Held his power, and his mercy just over their head, only to stake his claim into the land. Lucifer was enraged by his brutality; he wasn’t going to play his pawn anymore.

He had raised an army of rebels, most of them his battalion. He had the sway of the people. Most importantly he had the training and weapons to kill an armed tyrant. Why did he feel so empty, so lachrymose, he thought he might feel guilty, or maybe happy, proud of himself. Perhaps he was lonely, afraid of the conscience of killing one's father. None of that would matter on the battlefield, none of it would matter when he will be sitting on the throne. Suddenly he was aware that he was ready, shoving all that down, resting his palms on his head for a minute. Lucifer's guard came in and cupped his cheek with his right hand, “My prince, are you all right? You feel quite hot.” Lucifer could tell that his devoted knight was just as hot and nervous as he, not wanting to lose what semblance of friendship they had with death.

You had been Lucifer's knight since he turned sixteen when you were just naïve kids. You would never live to let Lucifer die; you were to be the only one to be in the throne room with Lucifer and his father, and if it came to it you would die for him. When Mammon, the second born ran away, to outrun the world with his lover, and outrun his father's intense pressure, Lucifer had only himself to blame and, vowed to destroy the king. You noticed a change after, Lucifer had shifted into someone cold-blooded, hard, sadistic, and prideful. It's not like you minded much you were just worried about him, worried about what the stress of ruling would do to him.

“I'm just fine” Lucifer smiled; a true one you had not seen grace his face in a long time. The last time you saw him smile was when you had told him that, you had no grand dream of power or wealth, that serving him was dream enough for you, and he smiled; a soft dreamy smile, a smile that said all that needed to be said. Lucifer suddenly stood, taking your hand that once rested on his cheek, and bestowed it with a kiss, letting it fall back to your side, he grabbed his crab sword and left the room.

The cry of the battle outside was loud, barricaded inside. Lucifer stood off from the king. The clashing of swords and the king's laughs rang through the room. Their swords are like stars in the dark. Lucifer was injured. Having taken too many hits. So was the king, staggering breaths and cackles ringing for nobody's ears but your own. Lucifer was quick on his feet. Quick to dodge any swing that came his way. Quick to bounce back with a slam of his sword. The king took him by surprise, cutting into his side as blood poured onto the blade as well as the floor. Standing over him the king readied to kill his son.

You left forgotten on the sidelines, took your weapon, and with a slice, his arm clanged to the floor. Screams rang out, but not for long as Lucifer's blade pierced through his skull. With shaky breaths Lucifer ascended to the throne, the heel of his boot digging into the skull of the tyrant who would soon be forgotten in history. Relief spread as the horrifying sounds outside dispersed, everyone already knew Lucifer had won. You kneeled at his feet bowing your head, and he giggled. Which erupted into joyous chuckles, “My prince, what is so funny? You are injured and should let me tend to you.” He just smiled again with tears in his eyes, letting me see his wound. “You shouldn’t call me that anymore you know, just call me Lucifer.”

You kissed his bloodied hand, the hand that would rule with grace and dignity, with you right beside him. “What if I like calling you that, My prince?” You whispered into his hand, “Very well, darling” Kneeling once again you took his hand to your forehead. You would forever protect him, the nights he demanded you stay in the room, the late nights in the library, and on the battlefield; and you know he would do the same for you.

#creams fluff #obey me headcanons #obey me scenarios #obey me shall we date #obey me x reader #obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me swd #obey me royals #obey me au

[mejomonster]

I still havent beaten Lost Judgement but like. What a game. If you like the yakuza games? Great time. Still has the mix of serious high angst crime thriller plot with very silly ridiculous slice of life side stories that still can also manage to hit your heart. I'm still thinking about the Ace Attorney spoof side story about missing dessert, and the fotune teller, and the haunted apartment. And the main story where I had to get a nice dessert for the coworker to help us, and god just. All of the guy whos ir friend in the sexy silk shirt as Usual these kinds of games giving gratuitious eye candy so theres always that. The anonymous mask wearing punk kid (who i actually really like).

The fact ur a detective but Not a yakuza this time i find fun, and NOT a cop so u can kind of live out the fun of playing out the equivalent of a crime drama u would watch without having ur lead be a cop. Instead hes a lawyer who won a defense case! But ex lawyer, cause his defendant killed again! But also it may have been a setup! Either way taku has lost his judgement (get it) over whats truly the truth or not! As is typical for rgg games Lost Judgements angst emotional heavy half of the plot IS fucking heavy! Which keeps my attention. While all the other stuff drags me off. I lose 20 hours being a small time case detective, i lose another 5 trying to do a romance side plot (and tbh i find these ones a mixed bag? The romances are good in that the girls have genuine character side stories i find fun and interesting and with meaning, much like the cabaret girl side stories in kiwami 2, but theyre awkward in that im making taku a cheater cause i dont wanna miss out on a story and ;-; im sorry taku im sorry girls! Whereas yakuza kiwami 2 kiryu was... very much just their friend... im mixing up yakuza games but theres one where u befriend tje cabaret girls and ones in a manga competition and thats the one). Like... i very much liked rgg7s friendship bonds, but hated the romances cause the romances felt like some kind of add on trophy thing where the party friendship bonds werw genuine side stories. And like why not make romance a good side story? Im only HERE doing a romance for rhe side story! ToT so like. Lost Judgements is a mixed bag. Better than rgg7s but i kinda prefer just friend bond side stories skip the dating altogether, tho i realize thats more kiryus style than other protagonists.

Possibly the most Intense element to me of Lost Judgement is. U sure do feel immersed. In being a confused fucking detective. I stopped playing the game for 6 months, came back to it right at the pharmaceutical company investigation. Fucking hell. I had to interrogate and answer like court related questions i didnt even remember the fucking case. I was afraid to game over. Or to dig taku in a very big hole of failure id be penalized trying to climb out of. I felt like OH NO i shluldve studied my case files for clues! In that terrible instant of remembering nothing i was whooshed back to memories of playing law and order on a windows 98 trying to solve the mysteries, and every mystery show i ever watched trying to pay attention to the clues, lamenting id forgotten and was about to ruin takus life. (For the record i guessed like a very amazingly lucky champ, and answered right enough to get thru it). But wow did i feel in the middle of a detective story.

#lost judgement #lb #rant #my point is if u like yakuza games fighting and silly side stories and angst main plot and fun mini games #and like murder mystery shows as much as me #u might really dig lost judgement #i think its fun as hell #but like. yakuza and adjacent lost judgement games? #thwy have a way of getting me to play 70 hours and not even notice #in a good but baffling way

[ventingtoime]

it’s sad that when i’m crafting i think of these things that they would love or just the idea of gifting them something i made and knowing they would like it purely because its something i made but not being able to give them it. the fact that they will never hear these words from me or any more for that matter. its been i dont know. 5 years i think. yet they are always on my mind. while im sure i dont cross theirs. the panic i felt when i saw you all there not long ago. the words that were overwhelming me that i wish i went over to you but couldn’t. our eyes met and i froze. it was like deja vu. except its like we were in a different universe. only our souls remembered. when i finally decided i have to go talk to you. you were already gone. i missed my chance. my chance to maybe re grow our friendship. but maybe all i would get would be told you don’t want that and you made that clear. i know what i did wrong. i relive it constantly wishing i could take it back. wishing i would listen better. wishing i still had you. i’ve felt deep pain inside before and still constantly this is one of the worst things to have happen to me. i can’t connect anymore like i did you.. i dont smile anymore like you made me, nor do i laugh the same. nothing is ever going to be like it was. i know i shouldn’t be stuck in the past. i know. i cant help it. you think i haven’t tried to get better? you think i haven’t tried to build connections.. im so tired of getting up and shoved down again. when i get back down into this hole, i remember how it affected you all. so now i feel like i need to be the best i can regardless of how i feel. i am sorry that i negatively impacted your life so immensely. i know you will never see this. i just wish i could take it all back. this world isn’t worth living really when you had everything and i fucked it all up for myself. how stupid. how selfish. im afraid to hurt someone again while being unaware. i only noticed when it was too late. too late. closure? i dont know if thats fair. its been 5 years. i still cant handle it. if i asked for a hug. id break down crying honestly wishing i could hold on forever. knowing thats not possible. knowing all i know is not possible anymore. those things i took for granted. now im probably missing so much because of this pain im aware. that doesn’t mean i can help it. im helpless. my dreams give false hope. or just moments where i think its back. you really are back. then i wake up. realize its all a lie. please take me back to that time. i know better now. i know you cant. theres no point. is it better i felt that love, and lost it? or would it have been better if i hadn’t felt that at all. sometimes i wish i could forget entirely. i want to relapse so badly. i think its almost been a year. that doesn’t make it easier. i want to break myself to the point where i cant be fixed. surface match the heart. some fucked up way i would tell you before i left because this pain inside me is so fucking excruciating.. i can’t explain. but. i wanted to say goodbye. i wanted you guys to be the last to know. im aware of how fucked up all that is. im aware now how damaging and terrifying and awful that was. theres nothing i could do to fix that. so really, the best thing i can do is.. just leave you alone. thats what you want. i kept reaching out trying to get better. you really are done with me entirely. yet after all this time im still so broken over it. its probably for the best that you left before i tried to talk. i would have ruined your time. ill distract myself until death. thats all life really is honestly. distractions away from yourself. constantly. maybe some things you enjoy but really like everything its temporary. i hope when i die i fully die. i dont want to come back. i dont want to be a spirit i dont want to go to heaven or hell or whatever the fuck. i just wish to be entirely gone. nothing. its kind of funny. being so clean off self harm now and the only reason im not anymore is purely because its so obvious. somebody would see. i cant show you my pain.

i know how badly that hurts to see and being unable to help. yeah im older than i expected. i hope for death on a daily basis. not actively seeking it or attempting. just mindlessly hoping. i imagine many gruesome thoughts. very vivid. many ways i could die. unfortunately nothing has happened yet. i think at some point if something doesn’t theres a high chance it will be at my own hands. and im sorry if i hurt anyone by doing so.

[xoteajays]

Have you ever watched or read the Tokyo Ghoul series? Because I just am.. I'm the real life Saiko Yonebayashi. Short, chubby, with my round features that make me appear much younger than my actual age too.

I know people thinking you're younger than your actual age is actually a compliment. But sometimes I heard it as an insult too. Depending a lot of how the comment is said to me. Like.. I know, I know. I have this baby face, short height and chubby figure. So I look like a child to just so many people. But children don't have body modifications (like how my piercings are), wear heavy makeup, or any part of my style either.

Sometimes people who work at bars and restaurants are actually just very afraid to card my id just because they're afraid to offend me over my appearance. Until my mother ruined the experience. So that really was an experience for some time.. I was so surprised that happened.

I think tattoos and piercings aren't allowed in American schools.. I can that you can't have modifications in maybe private schools, but every person has tattoos or piercings in public schools even if it wasn't ever allowed anyway. And what would they do about having modifications like that. Tell my parents? Most people from my father's side, actually including my father, is covered neck to toe in tattoos. And my parents were even friends with some tattoo artists too. So they wouldn't even say or do anything about me having piercings, or tattoos if I had any.

So my picture would probably the visual for the baby faced definition.

~

I have mixed feelings about the guys being emotional in front of other gangs like that. Part of me knew they were emotional over their friend to cry in front of other gangs, and another part of me wanted to really throw a box of tissues at them so I wouldn't see their snot. So gross.

But Noboru was beaten with the power of friendship though. And, so was Rocky to some extent (in End Of Sky). Murayama and Hyuga will be other characters too. Basically all of them went through this too.

Actually! I have a thought that I'm curious about. Kinda. Nothing very serious. We know Rocky doesn't fight women, and that includes them having arguments too. Rocky's not that type of guy. But.. How do you think Rocky would act or react in a situation where his girlfriend really does argue with him about not taking the alliance (before alliances do happen). She argues with him, maybe gives him the cold shoulder.

I don't know why that thought came to mind.

Just kill Nikaido already.

But one thing that can happen when writing.. Since so many of these ideas haven't been mentioned in the show or movie, we could just try writing these ideas into our stories too. If we wanted to. I don't know.

~

I'm not a fan of Harry Potter. Actually.. I've seen just about every main popular movie franchise that's currently being remade again for some reason. I'm not a fan of any franchises if I'm being honest. I don't even know the appeal to Harry Potter, Twilight, Hunger Games in any ways.

That's fine if people enjoy those franchises. I don't though. I knew just way too many people who were fans of those franchises, so I was also stuck watching some of these movies. And I feel like Hunger Games, I feel like that was a watered down version of Battle Royale. So that is a reason why I hated that franchise. I've never cared for Harry Potter, or Twilight, any other franchises either since I never saw the appeal to it.

This is just my opinion.

Orange still looks like an Oya girl to me though.

~

So what I'm understanding... Is that they were really at a music award ceremony? That's all I know. I think they might have hosted the show. But I could be wrong about that. I'm still happy for these boys though since they're actually, finally, getting more recognition as actors now.

I keep seeing their pictures and videos because I have been following them for a while now. And not in a creepy stalker way! I just like some updates on my favorite celebrity's work.. Music, shows, movies, and a lot of other forms of their work in general. Anywyay. Every time I have seen these boys in suits, I keep thinking either mafia or business man in some way or another. Doesn't help that Sangyi's in a series that you can watch on Disney by the way, I'll have to find another way to watch the show. It's a police action crime drama series.. And Sangyi, being a pretty man that he is, is actually the villain in the series. So just seeing him wearing a suit with that cold look to him is giving me mafia vibes.

And I'm living for this. Sweetheart Jin, and temperamental nephew is trying to take over his uncle's illegal corporate business. I have to see.

That is the best of both worlds right there. I have so many shows that I have to watch, and so many movies I have to watch.. I have so much to watch right now that it isn't even funny. My brain will be very fried.

And, like always, my staring is between respectful and disrespectful.

~

I'm going to be watching Train To Busan in a few minutes. I have seen that movie before, once before when the movie first came out. Which was years ago. So I'm rewatching it again after many years later.. I am watching what I can of horror movies. Because they'd usually remove most of the horror movies right after October is over for some reason, so I'm overly indulgent myself in horror shows and movies right now.

I hate when channels do that. You're rushing to watch something, just before shows and movies are removed instead of taking your time.

I still don't know if we will ever get more seasons for Bloodhounds.. I'd have to blame the actress for doing reckless things like that during an entire production. They could've actually had more than one season.

I'm still annoyed about that.

One thing I do love about using musicians for my face claims, there is a lot of them who have different appearances to them. Different dyed hair, tattoos, piercings, anything and everything you could think of as an alternative styled character. And I do kinda want a pink character.

I know! I can't even say she has a golden pussy because they've never actually had sex yet. This guy's so whipped for a woman he never had sex with. I wouldn't be surprised if he ends up dead, or even in prison.

Why is this attractive guy so stupid... Why is he so whipped for them... Just why?! This man needs to have any common sense beat into him.

~

I'll have to figure something out for a nickname. Emoji, names, or just anything so I am not actually spamming your tags more than before..

i haven’t watched tokyo ghoul, but saiko is cute tho!

i’ve only been carded recently at a liquor store while me and my parents were taste-testing rums. it threw me for a second because it hasn’t happened in so long.

in australian schools, you can single lobe piercings at that’s it. in the more casual public schools, you can have belly piercings - or tattoos if you’re older - so long as they aren’t visible and you aren’t showing them at school or while wearing the uniform. i had one kid in my senior year who literally quit school after a teacher had to ask him to remove his nose piercing for too many days in a row. literally decided to not finish school in favour of not removing a nose piercing. i waited until i’d graduated to get my nose pierced. there was just so many idiots at my school getting told to remove a piercing they knew they weren’t allowed to have. one girl complained about having to take her’s out because ‘she’d just got it done’ and ‘it would close up’ - like BITCH! YOU KNEW YOU WOULDN’T BE ALLOWED TO WEAR IT AT SCHOOL! she was just so frustrating for the entirety of high school.

my dad has a lot of tattoos but they’re in reasonably easy to hide spots - except for the one he got matching with my mother on his wrist. normally i’m not a fan of matching couple tattoos but my parents had been together for like 25 years by the time they got them.

~

it happens twice! they do it with noboru and then it happens again with kohaku! two times they were like ‘okie best course of action is to cry real hard at our friend until they stop acting dumb!’. cobra and yamato’s joint power of friendship and crying real hard.

rocky trying to diffuse the argument but the gf is like, still arguing and making all good points. ‘the alliance is better for the sword district’, ‘are you guys not friends now?’, etc ect. eventually she just gives up and gives him the cold shoulders and he’s upset about it, but he’s still determined to deal with his problems himself. she’s probably a lil smug when the rest of the gangs come to hell the rascals and the alliance actually happens.

~

i liked the hunger games, mainly because it was one of those series i read when i was a teen so i have nostalgia about it. i prefer the books to the movies tho.

i didn’t watch twilight until literally 2020. i always thought it was dumb when i was a teen and it was still dumb when i was 22.

~

han river police! i’ve got that in my watchlist. i didn’t know sang yi was it in! i’ve been wanting to watch the divine fury too. it looks like do hwan is playing the villain in it. villain boys~

~

there’s two new worst of evil episodes out~~~~~ more content of my favourite idiot boy~~

i’m hoping bossman ends up getting away in the end, but at this rate it’s not looking good for him. and i’m so sad for him. dumb pretty boy’s gonna end up in prison. wi ha joon’s already been in a prison movie/show. shark: the beginning was pretty good tho.

~

i’ll just keeping it tagged ‘long post anon’ until you figure it out then!

~

so i watched double mints and ……. i do not know how to say anything about this movie. it was just fucked up scene after fucked up scene after fucked up scene. both male leads were just. So Unwell. there was just So Much wrong with both of them. they are both in need of so much therapy.

all that being said, i would watch it again.

also i was surprised the amount of actual kissing. i’ve watched a handful of japanese bl stuff, and usually the kiss gets cut off or blacked out or over the shoulder ‘implied’ kisses. these two were just going at it for the whole movie!

#long post anon #tj answers #long post //

[introspectionofaqueer]

demisexual sadness

why am i sucha horny mother fucker and also demisexual, those two things just do not mix. i want to be able to have sex and masturbate but neither one are an option for me rn. am i a man of god now that im celibate? will Jesus Christ accept me into his heart because of my lack of pleasure? i cant believe people believe that crap. im here to live my life to the fullest and enjoy everything and everyone that i can. unfortunately Jod made me demisexual. im surprised i havent impulsively gotten back on grindr by this point but honestly that never works out for me, men are disgusting. i think from here on out im only down for queer sex. i think being on my period is not helping with this whole situation. i guess it goes hand in hand that i like sex so much with my love language being physical touch. that probably explains why im demisexual too, sex and touch are reserved for love, those i care deeply about. not just any random fool. im not even like thinking about sex this morning, just stewing over the fact i had a dream involving a kink im not even into got me wondering why my brain is so easily able to turn on the "im horny" switch. the shitty part is i know im attractive and im desirable enough to have all the sex i could ever want, only thing is there aint no one i wanna do it with. everytime i decide, "man, dont be so picky, just do it!" and engage in random hook ups i am filled with nothing but intense regret and no experienced pleasure. i wish i could like, make the type of friendships where casual sex was a thing. it feels dumb to act like this is such a big deal but honestly, i cant help how much i like it. but im too afraid of strings attached with FWB situations, nd im afraid to ruin current friendships by proposing such a thing. im afraid theyd actually catch feelings or something and then wed have to end it as well as our friendship. not like i have a plethora of friends to choose from anyway, much less ones id be sexually attracted to. i guess ill just have to hold my horses and wait til i can think about getting off without disrespecting the image of my ex and handle myself that way until i inevitably fall in love with some other sucker out there who will get to experience me until they break my heart and the cycle will continue.

[yuichi-ro]

kay kay kay kay so. watched the first six episodes of fire force. here are my unfiltered thoughts as you have to suffer through them.

SHINRA IS MY BABY BOY NOW ajsjks pls he is sooooo cute he gets all the kisses i wanna pinch his chubby cheeks he gets tiddie sucking privileges.

arthur gets a hate peg. good comedic relief, not my type tho but stuffing his mouth would be fun.

takehisa hinawa is the guy id take home to meet my parents. he gets my hand in marriage. we stan a dependable man.

maki is a goddess oh my god. can she bench press me??? please??? god she is so funny and hot i love her.

the captain (akitaru? smth like that) is fine too, not my cup of tea tho.

tamaki is already getting on my nerves and i hope i never have to see her shitty face ever again but as she is in the intro, i am afraid i will have to see her more often :’). god how can a character be this annoying she embodies the worst of everything. she can go die in a fire for sure lmao.

princess hibana? nah QUEEN HIBANA. i am but gravel at her feet, idk about others but she is right🤷‍♀️ kindaaaa getting the gay vibes from her and iris. that would be a fun threesome. i definitely need a tr setting where reader’s gang is like hibana’s harem lmao thats just perfect tbh.

speaking of iris, she is fine too but only like her in combination with queen hibana.

okay but calling it now already with no knowledge, the brother of shinra ain’t dead. “no bones were found” yep sounds like he got abducted by some dudes from prob the first squad and is now on the enemy’s side and we will see him fighting shinra. god i watch too much shows man.

overall very good i enjoy it a lot probably gonna continue watching it as i finish making my dreaded dinner.

went to the carwash on thursday and changed tires on friday and. the entire time. no bird poo. literally after i cleaned it in the night from thursday to friday? bird poo on top of my fugging roof. bc i cant have nice things smh

don’t mind me screaming about shinra imma be quiet already but fuck he is so adorable😭😭😭

ill prob send in more thoughts as i continue watching lolol

-🌌momo

SHINRA IS BEST BOI AND SHINRA WILL ALWAYS BE BEST BOI LIKE IT'S JUST ILLEGAL TO NOT LIKE HIM 'M SORRY HE'S GOLD STAR STATUS BESTEST BOY FOREVER AND ALWAYS

not a plug but idk if you ever saw my shinra fic from the other blog, always a goldie even if it's an oldie

those be fighting words for the wife she adores Arthur (after ironically hating him, wow sounds like Kisaki 🙄) But also six episodes in is not a good rep of Arthur. Nor is just going off his relationship with Shinra. I'm not much of a "dumb rivals" trope kinda person so their constant bickering irritates me. But once you get Vulcan (the red head beefy guy w/tattoos) Arthur is better bc their friendship/relationship is so gay I love it (especially if you pick up the manga it's real gay)

hinawa always gives me a boner like that's the one I wanna ruin. I need to corrupt him. I need to stretch him. I need it

again, much like Shinra, I feel like it's illegal not to like Maki? Like if you dislike Maki are you just satan yourself? Big beefy woman who wants to be tiny and feminine but learns to love herself? Yes yes to all that we stan Maki here forever and always

obi (the captain) is that character that's very likable but I feel like every straight woman in a fandom with a shitty boyfriend like him. He's just hetero/straight girl bait that he's not my type either but I do like him and would like to work out with him

playing the devils advocate (as a manga reader) Tamaki's character growth should have been what it ends up being from the beginning. But it's very apparent (like Obi) that she was the straight male gaze fan service. The fandom is pretty divided on Tamaki as you'll find out. Her character growth is really important and speaks volume to the way people slut shame but then on the other hand it takes a long time (like end of season two) for Okubo to do that for her. She's so so and she reads better than she watches ngl

how outwardly gay Hibana and Iris are is just like?? my favorite thing??? It's so gay they so clearly had first time crushes on each other?? just?? I love that ship so much I'll always die on that lesbian hill. But I do like Hibana. I love her and Obi's sibling interaction the more we get of them. They're like nit picky brother and sister and I love it

me likes Iris. I've always liked Iris. Less of a crush thing and more of I vibe with the way she thinks. I too carry immense crushing feelings in myself and try to never talk to anyone about them.

I'm totally bias but Fire Force is so binge-able in both anime and manga form. The transitions to arcs. The connections between even just season 1 to season 2. The lore and everything. It's very addictive and I will not lie I'm excited for you to get the scientist and the eye patch smoking dude. I do really think you'll like them idk I just feel it in my bones that you'll be a Joker and Viktor fan. They are....questionable at best. But funny so it's worth it XD

not me biting my nails for you to get to season two bc I'm not ready for your first impressions of my hubby of husbands 😂

#kurono is......not everyones cup of tea #ok im pretty sure he's literally only my cup of tea #HE'S NOT AS WEIRD AS HE'S MADE TO LOOK I SWEAR #but yes shinra is best boy and he is gold tier of what i expect my main characters to be like #actually shinra is probably why i tolerate noe #they would be dumb determined brothers together and i would like them #honestly fire force is one of those animes/mangas that i like most the characters #about the only one that irritates me is the whistle dude but thats bc of the whistle #i love karim hes another church boy questioning his beliefs I fell hard for <3 #also excited for you to meet vulcan bc....well....that is literally my twin #in body and spirt and soul and birthday XD #vulcan and i are one and im a little creeped out in fact #so if you hate vulcan i'll have to sob in the corner bc we're 90% the same personality XD #RIP to the bird poop #my cars like a bug grave yard istg #I would trade all the bug guts for poop bc i cant scrape these dead bitches off Dx #pls i wait with baited breath for more fire force thoughts <3 #🌌.♡ #three.talks

[literaphobe]

honestly shout out to my parents n relatives for body shaming me to the point where I’ve realized I hate my body so much that no matter what my size I will never feel worthy of any desire or affection, even if I am offered desire and affection

#personal #lads china was crazy the past few days #may have gotten h*rny n told #one of my irl best friends id fuck him #and that like derailed bc im a bitch who cant think #and does stupid shit like this #and oh turns out he feels the same way for me #and the on n off feelings ive had for the past few years #weren’t crazy #n hes literally said im the most important person in his life #he loves me hes considered asking me out before but decided against it #bc he was afraid of ruining the friendship #and apparently he wants to kiss me! lol! #and like i was happy n wildin at first #and a normal person would prob like. continue to be happy #but not me! #my mind has been through all sorts of thoughts #over the past 24 hours #when this whole thing reached its climax #i fr cant take back the things ive said #i cant unknow the things i know #all i can do is be terrified n not message him i guess!!!! #idk what to do w myself #will i ever be good enough for me

[2jaeh]

THREE DAYS  I  LEE TAEYONG

When your over controlling boyfriend invites you and his best friend to a three day resort did he not see trouble approaching? especially when said best friend has been trying to get in bed with you since the moment he met you.

Genre: mature theme, slight smut

warnings: cheating, suggestive masterbation, slight public scenes, cursing. 

words: 3k

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Are you sure it's okay for me to tag along ?” Taeyong spoke into the phone as he threw a dress shirt into his already overflowing suitcase. “Okay cool, well I`ll see you guys at the resort then.” Taeyong sighed as he cut the call and took a good look at himself in the mirror. He wondered if he was too overdressed, or not dressed enough. He bit down on his lip and looked at the caller ID, his best friend Inseong holding on to the person Taeyong desired most, Inseong`s girlfriend. 

He had no idea when this “crush” began, if you could call it that at this point. Inseong and Taeyong had been casual university friends for a while but it was after graduation, when they both got hired by the same corporate office did they really establish a close friendship. 

Taeyong and Inseong did most things together, whether it be catching up at music events or a sunday afternoon golf trip. But if he were being honest, the real reason he loved hanging out with Inseong was because he knew he’d bring her around, the girl who had stolen his heart without having the slightest clue. 

DAY 1 : FRI

“Taeyong is afraid he is going to third wheel” Inseong chuckled as he concentrated on the open road in front of him, casually looking over at you scoffing down a bag of jelly tots. 

“Youre working though” you stuck your tongue out at him, “Im gonna be just as alone as he is.”

“I guess you are” Inseong let out a sigh, “I don't understand why the dude cant get a date though he’s pretty good looking right?”

“Uhm yeah he's attractive.” Attractive was an understatement. You will never forget the day Inseong introduced you to Taeyong, It was around the time you two just started dating about two years ago, and you had never seen someone that good looking up close before. It wasn't the fact that you didn’t find your boyfriend attractive, you loved Inseong and he was a good looking guy but Taeyong, he was different. 

Taeyong barely spoke to you but he was always polite and had a warm aura unlike the rest of Inseongs friends. He was the one you got along with most and because of that Inseong had a habit of inviting him on many of your trips, much like the one you're venturing on now. 

You stuffed the empty snack packets into a trash bag as Inseong pulled into a very fancy resort one you weren't quite familiar with. Inseong was actually on a work trip that involved meeting with potential clients and partners, this did not include Taeyongs sector but their boss allowed him to bring you two along as a treat. Inseong’s firm absolutely adored him, which made sense because he was practically married to his job. 

“I'm going to get the room keys” Inseong placed a peck on your cheek and you watched him jog off to the front desk while you meandered around the foyer of the hotel. 

“y/n” you heard a chirpy voice call from behind you. Turning you were met with those bold black orbs and that ever so charming smile.

“Taeyong” you grinned back pulling him into a tight hug that drowned you in his rich scented perfume. 

Taeyong wasn't sure if you noticed his fingers linger on the small of your back. He would always leave you small signs but you’d never notice. His bright eyes dulled for a second when your attention turned back to Inseong who returned with the room keys. 

“Oh you're here great! y/n and I are staying in the room next to yours, do you mind taking her up ?” Inseong said, handing Taeyong both sets of keys. 

“What? You’re not coming up to see the room ?” you asked, a little hurt that he was already ditching you on this trip. 

“Sorry honey they want to do a meet and greet and tour of the resort, i'll be up as soon as it's over” Inseong gently stroked your head and you watched him walk off with one of the resort employees.

“I guess it's just you and me then” Taeyong smiled although regretting his words when he saw the fake smile grace your face and made your way over to the elevators. Taeyong was all too familiar with this scene. Inseong being busy, he excludes you from the rest of his corporate friends and eventually calls on him to babysit you. He wondered if you resented him solely because of Inseong’s habits. He tried his best to always make you feel comfortable even if it put him in the most uncomfortable position both mentally...and physically. 

“Well I'm going to take a nap so I'll see you around I guess” you pressed your lips together and took the room key from him. 

“Are you not gonna eat anything ? We could go down for Lun-”

“I'm good Taeyong, I'll see you later okay ?” Taeyong watched as you disappeared into the room and it felt like he had been punched in his stomach. 

DAY 2 : SAT

Taeyong lay in bed utterly exhausted after barely getting a wink of sleep courtesy of the screaming match that happened last night. Although muffled, Taeyong already knew it was about Inseong coming back at around 3am. ‘What meeting would go on until that time especially on the first day’ Taeyong thought as he rubbed his bare chest and stared up at the ceiling. Inseong loved his job and he loved socializing with people who shared that interest. To him coming home at that time absolutely plastered was normal, because it was part of his work lifestyle. 

Taeyong groaned and turned onto his stomach, burying his head into the pillow as he heard your sobs replaying in his head from the fight. He was tired of sitting around not doing anything when he knew for a fact he could treat you way better. At moments like this he didn't give two shits about Inseong, especially after he got the new promotion and made a new friend group of pretentious assholes. Taeyong wanted to be with you by your own choice, he wanted to hang out with you without Inseongs name attached to the reason you two were together. 

Just as he was lost in his thoughts Taeyong’s ears perked at the sound of Inseong leaving the room and the sound of the shower running. 

“No fuck not now please not now” Taeyong groaned as he felt shudder overcome his body and his underwear became slightly restricted. His mind raced with thoughts of you. It all came to him so quickly he barely noticed that his hand was already down his sweatpants as he buried his face further into his pillow. He wished he was with you. The things he would do to you were unspeakable. He wouldn't give a shit if Inseong walked through those doors finding him on top of girlfriend, he didn't care. 

You finished drying yourself off and put on a cute yellow sundress that hugged your curves, showing off the two piece bikini that Inseong told you not to wear around the resort especially when he wasn't with you. This was payback for the way he treated you last night. Not only did he ditch you in a foreign room for an entire evening, he also returned drunk out of his mind and blamed you as usual for not taking care of him. You wanted to at least enjoy whatever you could from this trip and if it meant looking hot and hanging out with Taeyong, then so be it. 

You made your way next door and rang the doorbell patiently waiting for your assigned babysitter. Taeyong swung open the door, dressed in only in a pair of black harem pants and a towel on his neck that he used to dry his hair. You took in the site of his bare chest, drinking in his pretty figure that matched his gorgeous face. 

“I'm sorry I was gonna go down for breakfast I was wondering….i’ll just wait outside”  you stuttered and you heard Taeyong giggle

“Come inside y/n.” 

You walked inside his room and it was surprisingly neat in comparison to yours. You felt kinda embarrassed at the state of your room even though most of it were Inseongs doing anyway. 

Taeyong continued drying his hair as he watched you scan his room, his eyes already on your figure in that goddamn sundress. His only thoughts were ripping it off until he noticed you were staring right back at him. 

“Your hair is sticking up a bit at the back, here let me help you” 

Taeyong watched as you approached his figure and reached up to neaten his hair. He really admired his will power to keep his hands off your body as you inched closer and closer to him. 

“Thanks” he smiled sweetly masking his dark intent and threw on a loose hawaiian shirt gesturing towards the door, “shall we?”

The two of you had a decent day lounging around the pool area and took a stroll on the beach before heading back for lunch. You never expected to bump into Inseong and his colleagues during lunch and the way Inseong looked at your outfit, you knew you’d never hear the end of it. He practically ignored you the entire time while he and his friends chatted away, even going as far as introducing Taeyong to a few of them but not you. 

Just before you and Taeyong made your way to the elevators to retreat back to the rooms, Inseong jogged over and tugged on your wrist. 

“I know we had it out last night but was all of this really necessary ?” Inseong gritted his teeth as he looked over your skimpy outfit. 

“I thought it was cute, not everything I do is to ruin your perfect life Inseong” you rolled your eyes and pressed the button to signal the elevator. 

Inseong let out an exasperated sigh and released your wrist before massaging his temple. 

“Just dont pull this kinda shit at the dinner tomorrow please, the chairman is going to be there.”

You and Taeyong watched as Inseong stomped away and Taeyong noticed that for once instead of beating yourself up about Inseongs reaction you seemed somewhat proud to piss him off to that extent. 

“I'm sorry you're always in the middle of all of this Taeyong” you apologized as the two of you stepped onto your floor and made your way to the rooms. 

“It's okay y/n it's not your fault, and besides I think you look ridiculously hot in that dress” he replied and licked his lips as you felt your face heat up with his bold words. “Also,” he continued as he scanned his room key

“I think you should own it, wear something sexy tomorrow, not for Inseong but for yourself and maybe a little for me.” 

DAY 3 : SUN

You looked at yourself in the mirror, smoothing out the classy black velvety dress you had saved for a night out. The dress was intended for a Valentines date with Inseong but that never happened because he had a more important meeting to attend. 

As you made final touches to your outfit you wondered if subconsciously you did also dress up for Taeyong. God the way he looked at you when he told you to wear something sexy, you hadn't felt flustered yet intrigued like that in a long time. 

You put on the final touches to your make up and made your way down to the banquet room. You already felt a bit awkward as you noticed a few people stare at you and whisper until you saw Taeyong. You barely noticed Inseong sit directly in front of him, all you could see was Taeyongs dark eyes taking every bit of you in. 

Inseong’s eyes though we're different. He looked annoyed but still got up to help you into your seat which was weirdly next to Taeyong instead of him. But then it dawned on you when you noticed that the name card next to him was the chairman. 

Typical. That was all he cared about in the end. 

Taeyong’s eyes were still on you as you took your seat, unbothered if Inseong even noticed at this point, he was in awe. Did you dress up because he told you to ? Did you dress up for yourself and maybe, just maybe for him ?

“You look gorgeous y/n” he whispered, his deep voice sent a shiver down your spine. You brushed your hair behind your ear and nodded a thank you, trying to keep your focus elsewhere. Although Taeyong was conversing with the people at the table something made you feel as if you still had his full attention. 

You almost jumped when you felt his cold fingers trace circles on your knee, his focus was still in his conversation but yours was solely on his movements. Taeyong lightly squeezed your thigh to test the waters, a smirk he indefinitely couldn't hide graced his face and he allowed his hand to move higher. 

You gulped as he began to move, completely entranced by his touch as you felt him trace more circles on your upper thigh until his hand settled in your lap. Taeyong moved his chair closer to you and the table in order to obstruct the view of a passerby or any suspicious eyes at the table. 

“You work with Inseong right?” a man said to Taeyong as he laced his fingers with yours under the table.

All of it was so incredibly promiscuous but it gave you an adrenaline rush and Taeyong knew you were completely on board when you squeezed his hand back and bit down on your lip. 

Taeyong grabbed your hand and placed it in his own lap, allowing you to feel exactly what you were doing to him at this moment. You sucked in a breath as you palmed him and he gave your thigh another squeeze, this time much harder, rougher than before. 

Eventually into the night you decided to excuse yourself and Inseong preferred it anyway. You couldn't believe how oblivious he was to the closeness of you and Taeyong that it only angered you even more of how he would really choose these fake people over his girlfriend for the night. 

As you made your way to the elevator you didn't even realise Taeyong had already followed you there, putting on his usual laid back demeanor. The two of you stepped into the elevator and it was silent. You wondered why he was so quiet especially after pulling that stunt during dinner. Completely confused you grabbed your room key but before you could scan it Taeyong blocked your path, scanning his room key and pulled you inside his room not giving you any time to process this. 

He was all over you, his lips his hands his body, you felt almost every part of him as he pressed you against the wall. He used his knee to separate your legs as he planted open mouthed kisses on your neck, practically growling into your ear when he heard a moan escape your lips. 

“I-I didn't do anything in case someone from dinner saw us” he explained as he found the hook of your dress but stopped to look in your eyes, “are you okay with this?” 

You answered him by practically ripping open his white dress shirt and ran your hands down his body. Taeyong smirked and moved you to the bed, ridding himself of his shoes and trousers before attacking your neck once more. 

“I'm sorry if this all moves too fast I literally can't help myself” he growled once more as you got undressed and the sight of you in your scantily clad underwear made him lightheaded. 

“Well its best we hurry the fuck up before that asshole comes back” you sighed as you pulled him on top of you. 

“Fuck I dont want to hear about him, youre mine right now” Taeyong groaned and skillfully unclipped your bra and rid you of your lace panties. You bit down on your lip as you watched him pull down his boxers and free his member, licking your lips unconsciously. 

“Don't worry baby you can suck it next time” he teased and without warning pushed himself into you with one brisk movement. The room filled with both of your moans as Taeyong’s hips slammed into yours, while one hand laced his fingers with yours while the other was wrapped around your throat. 

“Oh my God Taeyong” you cried completely in ecstasy thanks to the way Taeyong handled you. He was animalistic yet not hurting you in any way. His eyes burned holes into yours as he moved his hips faster and faster until you came undone and he followed straight after. 

Taeyong quickly cleaned you up and kissed you softly, his touches were much lighter as he held your face in his hands moving his lips gracefully against yours. 

“I'm going to end things with him Taeyong I can't take it anymore” you rested your head on his chest as he stroked your hair. 

“I know baby just do whats best for you, and just know I actually do like you like really fucking like you” he replied and he felt you smile. 

“You fell for me in three days ?” you giggled against his chest. 

“No baby i've liked you since the day I met you, these three days were for you to finally come to your senses.”

#taeyong smut #nct taeyong #taeyong scenario #taeyong drabble #nct smut #nct scenarios #nct angst #nct127 smut #nct127 scenarios #kpop smut #lee taeyong #superM #nct 2020 #nct reactions

[thefanficmonster]

Much Cooler

Corpse Husband & Emma Langevin 

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: Platonic Fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: There’s always a certain level of uncertainty when meeting someone you’ve only known online. There’s that sense of insecurity that your relationship with them will never be the same or - even worse - that their view of you might change for the worse. But there’s nothing more thrilling than seeing the person you’ve been talking to constantly for the past however long standing across from you. 

Requested by Anon. Hi dear! Thank you so much for your request and I’m so terribly sorry for how late it’s coming out but I hope the fic makes it worth the wait! Lots of love, Vy ❤

“CORPSE! Wake up you famous dumbass!“ is the first thing the poor man heard over the phone at 9 AM on this fine Saturday morning.

It’s more than enough to make him contemplate why he even decided to pick it up in the first place considering he wouldn’t have been very able to participate in the conversation due to his sleepiness. He also, of course, made the mistake of not checking the caller ID which apparently wasn’t necessary considering how recognizable that voice and accent are.

“It’s 9 AM, Emma.“ He states as a tired parent would to a child, “I’m concerned as to why you’re up so early. More so as to why you’re calling me of all people.“

He can practically hear her roll her eyes but he still smirks to himself, knowing she can’t contradict him or argue since he’s completely right with his claims. “Whatever. Remind me to never call you to congratulate you on a milestone again.“

Now that pokes at his attention with a stick. Lately, said attention has proven to be a hibernating bear, leaving Corpse with a lack of interest or motivation for anything but damn if that sentence wasn’t enough to roll him out of bed and hop on PC. “What? What milestone? Subscribers?“

“Nope! You got two million likes on ‘E-girls are ruining my life’! I can’t believe I have to tell you this! Didn’t you notice the numbers climbing?!“ Emma, as annoyed and sarcastic as she’s trying to sound, she’s obviously overjoyed on his behalf and is super proud of him and of the project she luckily agreed to take a small part in.

As his PC boots up, Corpse can’t help but roll his eyes at Emma’s comment, “Well unlike you I have better things to do than refresh a page over and over aga-” His sentence is quickly cut off when he sees the number of likes under the song for himself.

Knowing that he’d find it there didn’t change the feeling of seeing it for the first time at all. It’s so surreal and so hard for his mind to comprehend. Seeing as how little he thinks of himself, his content and his art, this is like his success coming to slap him across the face as if to punctuate to him how wrong that mindset is.

“You know, it wouldn’t hurt if you offered to take me out for at least a coffee to celebrate, bro.“ Emma comments sarcastically, joking only halfway from what he can sense.

He smirks, “Trying to even the playing field, I see.” He replies, referring to the fact that he’s still a faceless mystery to her while her face is literally the cover art for one of his songs.

She laughs but is quick to dismiss his claim, “Nah, I might be a curious and nosey little shit on other occasions, but other people’s privacy is not something I dig my nose into. However, if I were to even the playing field between us it wouldn’t be appearance-wise. More personality-wise. For my sake and yours I choose to believe you are way cooler in person than you are through messages or on a call.”

This withdraws a genuine fit of laughter from Corpse who throws his head back, a few strands of hair moving aside to reveal his shiny eyes, “Well then, instead of giving me the benefit of the doubt, how about we settle it once and for all? Tomorrow? I’ll text you the location.”

Emma’s eyebrows shoot upwards as soon as she comprehends his words and the tone that leaves no room for her to assume he’s joking, “Wait what? How come you’re agreeing to this? And so easily? Nah, this a trap if I’ve ever seen it.”

Corpse laughs yet again, “No trap, Em. I just can’t have you doubting my coolness.”

                                                             *  *  *

The main reason as to why Corpse requested for this meeting to be today is because he feared that if he had more than twenty four hours to dwell on it he’d chicken out. Little did he know it was the same for Emma. Their friendship has only ever existed with the bridge of social media connecting them and they both can’t help but fear the other might not like who they are IRL. They fear they unintentionally become a different person or change things about themselves subconsciously when communicating with people online. Bottom line, they’re scared of letting the other person down with who they really are, unaware that their personalities are most likely the exact same because, as the people who know them can confirm, neither Corpse nor Emma are the type to put on a show in order to be liked. They would rather have no friends because of who they are than have friends and fans of their persona instead of the real them.

And so, while slightly afraid and anxious about this meeting, both of them see it as a relief test to see if the friendship is in fact as real as it’s seemed these past months.

Corpse was the one to choose the location of their meet-up, a location Emma didn’t even think twice about agreeing on, and ever since, they’ve both been counting the hours until their scheduled meeting time.  It’s not about impressing each other, at least that’s what they’re both telling themselves, but rather proving to the other that they’re worthy of their friendship. They might throw snarky and sarcastic comments at one another that others would give a side-eye glance to and question if their friendship is real, but they know the dynamic best and they sure as hell don’t wanna lose it or each other.

Best friends are the ones who roast each other after all - you can’t tell me I’m wrong.

The nervous Corpse fidgets with the insides of his hoodie pockets as he waits outside the café, having arrived ten minutes early because he couldn’t stand being alone with his thoughts in his apartment, judging every fragment of himself twice as harshly as usual. Emma, on the other hand, could barely bring herself to leave her home. She kept retouching her appearance, despite knowing Corpse wouldn’t judge her even if she showed up in pjs. To be fair she contemplated doing just that several times because her hair pissed her off enough to get her discouraged on her outfit altogether but she did eventually talk herself into pulling it together. She already knew she’d be at least five minutes late, but once again, she knew Corpse wouldn’t care.

He’d wait, cause that’s the kind of friend he was. Cause that’s the kind of friend she was for him too.

And boy did it take her less than a second to recognize him. She wasn’t even out of the car when she saw him and knew it was exactly who she was looking for. He too, as if with a sixth sense that registered her presence, shoots his head up from his phone to look up at her, their gazes meeting. There’s a brief moment of close-to-shocked silence, their eyes a bit widened as their brains comprehend that they’re within arm’s reach of one another.

That’s when Emma’s the first to break the bubble of awe as a wide grin spreads across her face and she runs to Corpse, wrapping him in a hug before he’s even realized the distance between the two’s been closed.

“Hey.“ She mumbles, her face hidden in his hoodie due to the height difference.

“H-hey.“ He replies, hesitantly wrapping his arms around her too.

“I was right.“ She says once she pulls away, “You are much cooler face-to-face.“ She pauses for a second, narrowing her eyes, “You’d be even cooler if you bought me coffee though.“

Earning a laugh from him, she’s guided into the café by the arm Corpse wraps around her shoulders, telling her he’s get her a milkshake cause he doesn’t want to see her high on caffeine. Needless to say, they both are, indeed, much cooler to one another IRL.

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[honeyheartsandkisses]

A million times yes

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Reader

One Shot!

Summary: You and Fred have always been really close. After a bad day, he tries to cheer you up and you accidentally confess. (You are in the same year as the weasley twins, one year above the golden trio.)

Warnings: Kissing, and maybe even a little grinding but no smut.

Word count: 2.6k

Sitting here in your potions lesson, you couldn't help but let your mind wander off. Professor Snape's voice droning on in the backgroun about the different kinds of spider venom and what they can be used for. The mildly pleasant smell of bubbling potions and the dim candles illuminating the dungeon all melded together, casting a drowsy spell on you.

"Miss y/l/n!" Snape's nasally voice pierced through your lazy state. You jumped to sit up straight, finding Professor Snape standing right in front of your desk. His face twisted into a nasty scowl.

He starts circling your desk like a vulture circling it's prey. You knew you were in deep trouble. "I suppose you find all this information boring Miss y/l/n?"

"No sir." You said. Staring down at the opened textbook on your desk. Snape always had a thing for torturing gryffindors.

"Humor me this, can you tell me the ingredients for a forgetfulness potion?"

"Umm... no sir."

"Not so smart now are we?" Snape grins, his long crooked nose twisting to make him look truly frightening. "Tell me the ingredients for a truth potion then."

You look up from your desk, and make eye contact with your best friends Fred and George Weasley. The red-haired twins who were seated just a table in front of you had turned around (just like the rest of the class) helplessly watching Snape humiliate you. A few slytherins were snickering, completely enjoying the show.

Feeling defiant, you wink at your two best friends before looking up to face Professor Snape. "With all due respect sir, you never taught us those two potions. How am I supposed to know what's in it?"

Your two best friends start cackling with laughter, clearly impressed by your sudden burst of confidence. A few gryffindors flashed you thumbs up signs, stifling their laughter.

"SILENCE!" Snape stops circling you and look down at you, administering a death-like glare. It instantly made you regret your decision from just five seconds ago. "Miss y/l/n. Very brave for an orphan." The word orphan struck a nerve. Your parents were muggles and at the age of 11, they passed away in a car crash. You were the only one who survived that night. Everytime someone brought it up you would relive it. The heavy snow, the thick ice, the feeling of the car skidding on the ice, and worst of all, your mother's screams.

"Perhaps they never got the chance to teach you classroom manners?" Snape continues in his low nasally voice. Your blood boiled. How dare he bring up your painful past.

"They must be disappointed to learn that their very own daughter turned out to be a failure." This makes your hands clench into tight fists.

You slam the table, standing up from your seat. "I am NOT a failure."

Professor Snape looked almost slightly surprised at your outburst. But within a second he restores his emotionless front. "Six hours of detention Miss y/l/n. Tonight. You will polish all the trophies in the trophy room, without the help of your wand. Be there immediately after dinner or it'll be eight hours. Do you understand?"

Still trembling with rage, you sit back down. "Yes Professor."

The moment Snape goes back to teaching, George quickly slips you a note. You felt slightly better knowing that your friends had your back. Holding the small piece of parchment under the table, you unfold it to see two familiar handwritings.

One of the handwritings had more rounded letters. You easily identified it to be George's.

It wrote: Wow six hours is going to be tough. I'm sorry he said those thing to you but i loved that you stood up for yourself.

The other handwriting was slightly crooked, and this belonged to Fred.

It simply wrote: Are you alright?

Your heart skipped a beat. It definitely was not out of the norm for the boys to show concern but everything Fred said and did made you want to scream. Your heart did backflips whenever you saw him. The way his messy red hair always seemed to fall perfectly into place when he ran his fingers though it, the way he always had a pleasant woody scent on him from all his quidditch practices, everything made you fall in love with him.

You flip the small piece of parchment around and write on the other side and write: I’ll be okay. Before handing it back to the twins. 

You manage to stay out of trouble the rest of the lesson, and when Snape finally dismisses everyone, you scoop your heavy textbook into your arms and the three of you head toward the great hall for dinner.

“Maybe we should leave an exploding chocolate bomb on his table.” George says, holding the classroom door open for you. 

You laugh, walking through the door with Fred following closely behind you. “Don’t be silly George. Snape’ll figure it out right away.” 

“Still worth a shot don’t you think?” Fred says, winking at you. 

You quickly shake your head. “I mean it boys. Don’t. Do. It.”

“Alright alright fine.” George says, while Fred swiftly grabs your textbook from your arms, carrying it for you the rest of the way.

“Actually we know a trick or two when it comes to cleaning the trophy room.” Fred says, looking down at you. Him being a whole head taller than you, he towered over you. It made you feel safe. “You could always bewitch a few sponges to self-clean. Sneak them in under your cloak.”

“Snape said no wands but he didn't say you couldn't do with a little... lets call it special equipment.” George adds. 

You decide to take their advice, and before reporting to the trophy room after dinner, the three of you stop by a supply closet to bewitch a few sponges before they walked you to the trophy room where Snape was already waiting. 

Professor Snape eyes you suspiciously before scowling. “Your little friends cannot stay with you y/l/n.”

Slightly annoyed, you snapped back. “Yes I'm well aware. They were just leaving.” The twins each give you a small pat on the back before hurrying off, leaving you with Snape. 

“You will polish and shine all the trophies in this room.” Snape says in his nasally voice that always left you nauseous. Only when he steps aside do you see how massive the room was. With shelves extending from the ground up to the ceiling, each one of them crowded with trophies of all shapes and sizes. Some looked like regular muggle trophies but some seemed to be able to move. Some had faces on them whereas others were shaped like mystical animals. 

“Maybe this will teach you not to disrespect a teacher.” Snape says, the corner of his lips turned upwards, clearly delighted to see you in misery. “I will be back every hour or so to check on you. If you’re not here, it’s another two hours of detention and fifty points from Gryffindor. Your wand will be confiscated until  all these trophies are polished.” You reluctantly hand over your wand, wishing you could hex the professor. “Get started.” With that, he turns around and walks off, shoes clicking down the dimly lit corridor. 

Cursing under your breath, you retrieved your earlier bewitched sponges from the supply closet, along with a couple other polishing solutions. To your surprise, they worked brilliantly. The small sponges scrubbed every inch of each trophy leaving it spic and span, before automatically moving on the next. While the sponges were busy at work, you headed over to a corner of the room and sat down. Just when you were about to doze off, a familiar voice jolted you awake. 

“Tired already? It hasn't even been an hour.” 

You look up to face it’s owner, coming face to face with Fred Weasley. Your heart swelled. Quickly rubbing the seep from your eyes, you laugh and pat the ground next to you, asking him to sit and he complies. 

“What are you doing here?” “Wanted to say hi to Professor Snape.” Fred says, gleaming mischievously at you. Under the dim light, his brown eyes looked like honey and the smell of his freshly shampooed hair gave you the urge to pull him into a hug. 

You roll your eyes. “Ha-ha. Very funny Weasley.” 

“Are you really alright?” He suddenly says, catching you off guard.

You smile, hugging your knees. “Yeah I told you I’ll be fine.” 

“But you’re not...” He looks down at you, almost like he could see right through you. “When Snape mentioned your parents earlier, you looked so incredibly sad. Like nothing could ever make you happy again.”

“I know...” you let out a big sigh. “Everytime someone mentions my parents I re-live that night. Id be lying if I said it wasn't terrifying. But this is something I have to deal with on my own. It’s not anyone’s job to fix me.” Before you know it, a tear escapes the rim of your eye, rolling down your cheek.

Fred puts an arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer to him. “I understand.  I just wanted you to know there's nothing I wouldn't do for you. So don’t be afraid to let me know if you’re struggling.” 

You snuggle closer to his chest, his arm still tightly wrapped around you. Feeling a warmness wash over you, your mood changed for the better. You tilt your head upwards, looking at him. He senses your movement and looked down at you with concern. Your face merely inches away from his, you fought the urge to kiss him. His eyes travel down your face, staring at your lips before looking into your eyes again. “Y/n I...” But before he could say anything else, you press a kiss to his lips, quickly pulling back to observe his reaction. He looked confused and flustered, making your heart sink. You just made a huge mistake.

“I'm sorry I didn't mean to... I just...” You stumbled over your words trying to find the right thing to say. You felt embarrassed and humiliated. Did you just singlehandedly ruin your friendship with the Weasley twins?

But all of a sudden, Fred stops you from freaking out. “Shut up.” He sounded urgent and needy. He crashed his lips with yours, and you could feel his passion and urgency. Like he needed this for a long time. Like he never wanted to stop kissing you. His hands cup your face, deepening the kiss, while you move to sit on his lap. A growing heat in your lower belly started to take over and you rocked your hips forward, grinding on him. He snakes one arm around your waist, pulling you closer while you kiss his neck. 

Suddenly, you hear the sound of shoes clicking against the hollow corridor and you pull away from Fred in a hurry. “It’s Snape!” you whisper urgently. “You need to go now! He’ll punish you!” 

“But-” Fred tried to protest, but you move off of him, quickly standing up. 

“Please Fred I wouldn't want you getting into trouble because of me. You need to hurry!” 

He gives you a reluctant pout, but finally agrees. “I’ll see you later.” He kisses your forehead before hurrying off.

Shortly, Snape arrives to see you hard at work polishing the trophies. He mumbles something about you having a bad attitude before leaving, and once again you’re left alone.

You sit back down in the corner, going over the past few minutes. Fred Weasley kissed you. The boy you’ve had a crush on since your second year in Hogwarts. He liked you. Being held by him was the most amazing feeling in the world. Kissing him made your head spin. 

Time flew by and before you know it, Your six hours of detention had passed. It was now 1am and the bewitched sponges had obediently dropped to the ground lifelessly after polishing the last trophy. As if on cue, Snape returns, walking up and down the trophy cases.

“Very well y/l/n. You may leave.” He hands you your wand.

“Thank you Professor. Always a pleasure.” You say sarcastically, bolting out the door before he could lecture you again. When you made it up to the common room, you expected it to be completely empty. After all, it was 1am. But to your surprise, Fred was fast asleep on the sofa in front of the fire, his chest rising and falling in sync with his breathing. He had waited for you to come back. You couldn't help but giggle. Grabbing a blanket from a nearby cupboard, you lay it over him and kiss his forehead.

Just as you were about to tip toe over to the stairs to make your way up to the girl’s dormitories, he stirs from his sleep.

“y/n? Is that you?” 

You make your way back to him, sitting down on the sofa. “Hey, what are you doing here silly? Shouldn't you be in bed?”

He sits up, pulling the blanket off him. “I wanted to be here when you got back.”

“Well? I’m here now. Whats the matter?” 

Without saying another word, a mischievous smile spreads across his face. Reaching under the sofa, he pulls out his quidditch broomstick. “Let me take you on a flight?” 

Your eyes lit up. For years you've been begging the twins to let you use their broomstick. Theirs was always better than yours because you weren't on the quidditch team. But they guarded that thing with their life. Not once did they allow you near it. 

“Really?” Fred stands, holding his broom in one hand with the other hand outstretched towards you. “Milady?”

You laugh, taking his hand. Just like that the two of you sneaked out of the Gryffindor common room, creeping past Mrs Norris and Filtch’s office. After a few long corridors and several flights of staircases, the two of you finally reach the main door. He pushes it open, and you step out into the cold night. It’s so dark, it could be impossible for anyone to see the two of you zooming around in the air. 

“It’s a little chilly tonight. Here hold this.” Fred hands you his broom before taking off his coat and handing it to you. He takes the broom from you again and says “Put It on. Wouldn't want you catching a cold.” You pull it on, thanking the heavens that its dark out. This way he couldn't see how much you were blushing. 

He straddles the broom before lowing the back end. “You ready?”

“Just one question.” You say, stepping closer to him so your bodies were slightly pressed together. “Why’d you bring me out here?”

“I wanted to cheer you up of course.” He says, pressing a soft kiss on your forehead. “Wait... is it alright I did that?” 

“Well, that depends.” You lean over his shoulder and whisper in his ear. “Are you my friend or are you my boyfriend?”

“Boyfriend.” he blurts out immediately. “If that's what you want of course.” he adds, looking rather embarrassed at his quick answer.

You giggle at his adorable display. “Fred Weasley are you flustered? For the first time in your life?” “Shut it y/l/n.” he laughs, “Come on, you know you're gorgeous, and funny, and kind and you have a cute butt. Now tell me, will you or will you not be my girlfriend?” Despite the nonchalance of his tone, you could tell he was nervous. His eyes gave it away.

“A million times yes.” Putting your arms around his neck, you pull him in for a long kiss. It was head spinning and life changing. The two of you only pull away when there was not enough air left.  You think I have a cute butt?” You ask, smirking at him.

He smiles, rolls eyes eyes and simply says “Hop on princess.” 

You climb onto the back of his broomstick, wrapping your arms around his torso tightly before the two of you take off into the night.

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[dancing-the-hellfire-rumba]

I’ll Tell You My Sins (So You Can Sharpen Your Knife)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Warnings: angst! A lot! (ends in fluff tho), canon typical violence, briefly mentioned and very vaguely descried torture, blackmailing.

Word Count: eight fucking thousand words what the fuck

Summary: Reader hides important information about her past from both Steve and Bucky, causing serious damage to their relationships with her. When Bucky’s severely (likely fatally) hurt, the Reader tries to finally do what’s right.

Beta: @walkingaline​ and I genuinely couldn’t have done it without her. She’s the sweetest fuckin person.

A/N: I’ve dedicated my life to this for two weeks, and it’s positively the longest one-shot I’ve ever written. I’m rather proud of how it turned out, and the feelings I got to explore. Would really love to know what you think!

It’s- vines, climbing up her organs, endless, crawling, and overflowing, thorns stuck inside her skin, digging in, and the breaths come shorter, clipped, chest weighted. There’s no alleviating this pressure, this overwhelming whirlwind of emotions, chaotic, heavy and filthy, slimy and awful.

The rumble of her engine, a loud interruption to her vicious thoughts, digging their claws inside her eyes, filling them with tears. The world is blurry, but the vibration- it's a welcome distraction. Familiar and strong, her motorcycle drives her at this point, muscle memory leading to the Compound, tears flying off her face by the whipping wind.

She’s booking it. Time barely registers. It’s somewhere between lashing thoughts and trembling fingers that the off-white building rises between the trees, overwhelming and tall, glinting lights always on, no matter the time of night. Somewhere between gasping, fast breaths and stuttering heartbeats that she throws the bike to park and runs, fast passes every lock with her ID and forgoes the elevator, knowing full well that the adrenaline thrumming in her veins will carry her up the stairs faster.

Shoes as if weighed by rocks, she feels slow, stuck in mud almost, liquid cement, sinking, drowning in quicksand as she rounds the corner and- Steve’s there, arms crossed over his chest, busted bottom lip pursed with his top one, a deep sigh swelling his chest. His hair is longer than the last time she saw him, he looks battered and bruised, and she’s known him for years- she can read his face clear as day. And as situations like this always have him, she knows, in the clench of his jaw, the statue-still set of his eyebrows, in his stony posture; he’s as worried as he is determined.

The phone call had been rushed.

She shouldn’t have heard it, about to jump in her shower, had she not forgotten her towel on her bed. Naked, feet padding on her plush rug, she digs in her bedside table for her usually silent device. It’s Steve, and she hasn’t heard from him in nearly a month and a half. Instantly she knows something isn’t right.

There’s only so many seconds it takes for the words to sink in, words like “mission went wrong”, and “hurt”, and “won’t make it”, and “Bucky”. Soon she’s pulling on clothes at lightning speed like the universe depends on it, shower be damned. Keys, jacket, helmet forgone, tears stream down her face as if she’s already lost him, bike kick-started because what else is there to do but be there.

And now? She’s here. And she feels foreign and bizarre, stepping in a space that she barely belongs in anymore. It’s sorta how she imagines entering an old house that’s now inhabited by new residents feels like- it feels the same, but in the same way it feels all too different, strange and foreign; revisiting an old life that’s been made into a new one for someone else.

It really doesn’t matter though, does it? Because she’s not here for herself- not for Fury, not Steve, not for the Avengers, or the missions. She’s here- she’s here for him.

Steps even slower now, approaching the Captain himself, very much aware of her knotted shoulders, her shaking hands. It’s evident, suddenly, in his posture that he knows she’s there. His shoulders stiffen just this bit more, and with a breath with which his chin raises a notch, he turns to see her. One foot behind the other, and he moves out the way, letting her in his spot in front of the window of the room Bucky is in-

A gasp.

Time finally stops.

Unrecognizable. Buried under wounds and bruises, endless tubes- her lost boy, James, Bucky. Tears fall at a new speed, and she allows this moment of vulnerability in front of Steve, allows herself to cover her mouth, her expression crumples, her tears flow freely, and- despite being mad at her, despite having patches to mend (if they can even be mended anymore), Steve is there, solid as always, with a hand on her shoulder, urging her in his arms. Old friendships die slowly, she thinks bitterly, and sinks in the comfort, eyes unable to be torn from the sight before her.

It takes some time, a good chunk of it, to compose herself, to part from Steve’s warmth and wipe the wetness off her cheeks. She wraps her arms around her front and shakes.

“We got ambushed,” he murmurs, and the statement is heavy. There’s guilt, sorrow, she’s sure it’s not fun to recall. “My fault. Didn’t know they were that many, must’ve had false info. Barely got to get him out of there.” She shudders. The image is loud and clear in her mind; Steve limping with the leg he’s currently not leaning on, busted and bleeding, carrying an unconscious Bucky, blood dripping from his mouth. She flinches.

“Can I-“ hesitation. A deep breath, shoulders squaring, remembering she no longer asks, she states. “I want to go in.” Steve stares for a second, calculating, thinking, looks back at Bucky, limp on the bed. He nods.

“Go.”

Before she knows it, the door shuts behind her slowly, an industrial, metal click, signifying a sealed door, nearly impenetrable if it was locked. She tries to be calm, but there’s no way, no reason to look composed either, so she flings herself to Bucky’s side, fingers twitching, hands hovering over him, afraid to touch him in case he frails like a burnt paper, in case he turns to dust and disappears before her very eyes.

Tears, once again, fall freely on her cheeks, tracing paths already carved by the previous breakdown, and the prospect of never seeing his wonderful crystal eyes, blue and loving, tears her apart. Worse so, the idea that the last time she saw them, they were red, hateful, betrayed, staring at her as if she was a monster, nothing more than the true scum of the earth, and he was right, and she will likely never be able to make everything right again.

It feels like  claws are tearing at her chest like it’s low quality linen, destroying every tiny piece of her into infinitesimal other pieces and then tearing those too. There she is, now, nothing but rubble and ash, on the floor, limp and bleeding. Heart far too heavy for her chest, breaking again and again, her temples feel like they’re about to burst from the pressure.

Sitting on the chair next to his hospital bed, her fingers tremble, carefully sliding under Bucky’s still ones, holding his hand between hers gently, like a lifeline, leaning her forehead on it. She sits there, folded, crumpled, and she cries.

~

Y/n’s palms are red and kind of stingy, but she pulls her sleeves over them and keeps holding the scalding cup of coffee between her hands anyways. Eyes closed, she lets the steam warm her nose, lets the scent comfort her, and she imagines, with her headphones plugged in her ears, that she is elsewhere, in her apartment with Bucky, on the fire escape, watching the sun descend beneath the skyline of New York City. She imagines his arms around her waist, sitting between his legs with her own dangling off the metal landing and over the street. His voice, vibrating through his chest, onto her back, murmuring teasingly in her ear, nose buried in her hair and his warmth all around her. It’s peaceful, it’s soft and warm and everything she has ever wanted.

When her eyes open, she’s met with sky blue ones, not the ones she was just dreaming of, and she flinches, suddenly very happy her coffee cup has a lid over it.

Steve.

With a sigh, she takes a calming breath, and pulls her headphones out of her ears, tugged by the wire pinched between her fingers. She places them gently on the table in the cafeteria for guests and low-level agents in the compound. It’s nighttime, and the lights in the cafe make Steve’s hair look golden and glimmering.

“How’re you holding up?” She’s not sure how much he means that, and she knows he’s still very much mad at her for everything that’s happened between them. She knows, however, he’s also the one that called her to let her know about Bucky. She feels heavy.

“I can’t stop fuckin’ crying, if that’s what you’re asking,” she tells him, no care to maintain a strong persona, not in front of the person she used to consider her best friend until not so long ago. She flicks the edge of the lid of her beverage with the tip of her nail and looks up at him. Steve looks better than she does for sure. Not because he cares less, or because he’s slept at all, but because the serum gives him more stamina than her. He’s not as tired as she is, despite the hours he’s been awake for. Still, despite his enhanced powers, there’s purple bags under his eyes. “You?”

He doesn’t say anything, just looks at her with a small shake of his head, sighing deeply. She takes that as her answer. Despite wanting to fiddle with something, a way to prevent her hands from shaking, a nervous habit, she pushes her coffee cup towards him, a peace offering, something to hopefully bring him the comfort it brings her. Steve doesn’t touch it. She fiddles with her sleeves instead.

The cafeteria, despite being open twenty-four seven, is quiet. A blanket of silence falls over them and Y/n crosses one leg under the other just to have something to do, something instead of opening her mouth and ruining the temporary civility between them. The words bubble, climb over one another like beasts, up her throat, and threaten to spill- and there’s just so much of them. So many apologies to make, so many explanations to offer, so many please let’s just go back to how we were ’s, so many this is killing me ’s, so many I can’t bear the thought of losing him without at least saying I’m sorry one last time. I don’t want that to happen with you too ’s. It’s all clogging the back of her throat like a spoonful of thick syrup that just won’t go down.

The idea that this might happen with Steve one day too overwhelms her. Two of the people she had found family in now hate her. She can’t let this happen with him, can’t lose him without telling him all of it. The realization; it’s the drop that makes the glass overflow. What if- what if tomorrow, or a month from now it’s Steve on that bed, Steve dying, what if she doesn’t get to tell him all of it? Never gets to apologize? How will she ever forgive herself for the things she didn’t say?

Her eyes well again. Her tongue feels like lead. It’s time.

“I…” She can’t bear to look at him. “Steve, I’m…” a shiver runs violently through her spine. “I’m so sorry. For all of it. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not Bucky, Y/n.” It’s like a kick in the stomach. She hears what he’s saying. I can’t forgive you for both of us. It almost sounds like your apology is useless.

“Well it’s not just Bucky I need to apologize to.” She looks up at him, and she wills the tears to be held at bay, matching his intensity with her gaze. She clenches her fists, fingernails digging in her skin just to distract part of her brain, to feel less numb. “Do you want to hear the truth?” Steve watches her. His irises bounce between hers, they do a once over of her stance, and she knows how small she looks in her seat, in contrast to him, who, despite his frame of mind, always makes a room smaller just by being in it.

His expression is grim, as he nods seriously. She takes a deep breath.

“This is the truth.”

~~

The older she grows, Y/n keeps thinking that she’s experienced everything there is to. But it truly feels to her like she’s never experienced this kind of cold before. And it’s not- it’s not just external temperature. It’s icicles, lodged under her skin, brutally freezing, causing her to endlessly shudder, tremble like a leaf out in the winter, causing her jaw to lock, her limbs to knot up.

She walks and walks, a woman with a purpose, head held high, as high as a prisoner can hold it and- something really isn’t right with this morning. Something isn’t right, and she can tell because this morning she- she felt something she hasn’t felt in years, something she thought she’d never again feel, a bubble of emotion she truly believed they had snuffed out in her. But it becomes an itch, an itch she can’t seem to scratch, something she can’t exactly put words to, can’t name.

The more she walks, the more the feeling of dread climbs up her throat. This she’s familiar with; fear. Cold and fear, clouding her senses, paralyzing her, as Müller’s door raises in front of her, and she struggles to remind herself to keep walking, keep breathing, one foot in front of the other, inhale, exhale, calm down. There’s no way to escape this anyways.

Director Müller was as tall as his voice was shrill and loud. His features were sharp, glass-cutting cheekbones and dimples that showed far too often. His hair was strawberry blonde and his eyes sunken, as if he was seventy years old with one foot in his grave. His skin looked taught over his bones. Always sharply dressed and always hiding about a dozen knives and pistols somewhere in his office. He liked Japanese jazz, had an affinity for yelling, and drank his whiskey straight. The only affection he’d ever had was reserved for his two small birds, Friedrich and Brigitta, whose singing he adored and who roamed in his office freely.

When he’d first kidnapped her and her older brother, Y/n sat doe eyed and watched as they beat her only sibling, her last relative left alive, to a pulp right in front of her. They didn’t know she had things to offer then. They did it for fun, a show of their capabilities, power play. They did it to break her into submission. When they found out, though, about her knowledge of science, her love for technology… That’s when her life truly ended.

She walks, now, down the freezing corridors, and knocks on Müller’s door three times. Status report straight to me every four days, he’d muttered in sharp German way back when he’d first assigned her missions, back in the beginning, and true to his word, every four days, Y/n was forced to see the skin around his bony face tighten and stretch with another chilling smile.

“Come in,” he yells, and his awful voice bounces in the empty, concrete walls of the corridor. She hears his birds. The door creaks open loudly, metal as it is, and she quickly closes it behind her so that Friedrich and Brigitta won’t escape, something she’s learned to do over the years, after one particular incident no one likes to remember, never mind speak of. He calls her last name with lewd, slimy confidence, supposedly happy to see her, his rotten dimples making an appearance. She sits on one of his chairs, upon his prompting “How’s your assignment progressing?”

“Nicely, sir. I’ve reprogrammed the Chair and fixed previous faults.”

“See, Y/n…” He sits on the plush leather chair behind his desk, hands wringing together and as he says her name, he sits up, elbows on the arm rests. His long lashes and abyssal brown eyes examine her. “I think you’re not telling me the truth.”

“Uh…” Stance maintained, but lips pursed and hands just slightly trembling, she keeps his gaze. She can’t displease him. There’s no room for her failure. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about, sir. There’s… surely ways to improve, b-but the chair- it works well.”

“Ah, but that is not what I hear.” Müller stands up dramatically, rounds his desk with slow steps, and Friedrich starts chirping consistently, sensing the sudden tension in the room, loud, high pitch hurting her ears. She dares not flinch. The cold returns fiercely, heart climbing up to her throat, choking her. This won’t end well. “As a matter of fact,” he leans, rests on his desk, right in front of her, loving his height difference and accentuating it by standing while she sits, a reminder to both of them that he’s superior. Y/n wants to melt into a puddle on the floor, never to be seen again. “I hear that Smith, your test subject… he has almost already recovered.”

Referring, of course, to the poor boy whom they snatched and have provided her as a sick guinea pig, a way for her to test the torture chair they have forced her to make. It’s a requirement, of course, that she tests it on him herself.

“Sir, I don’t think-“

“DON’T LIE TO ME!” In the flash of a blink, he’s pulled a knife from his belt and he’s pushing her back in her seat, by pressing his blade on her throat. “You know what HAPPENS,” a tilt of his head, “when you LIE.” Friedrich is joined by Brigitta, as well as the echo of Müller’s voice, and Y/n’s heartbeat accelerates, her breath is caught in her throat. She feels like her ears are about to burst.

“He was unconscious when-“

“What did I just say?” Lips purse, scared of making any sound that’ll piss him off further. “Seems to me like you’ve forgotten,” he murmurs, flicking his knife shut and narrowing his eyes. He takes a deep breath, straightens up and she doesn’t dare to move an inch, but it feels like her heart has plummeted to the center of the earth, and she wishes it could drag her too, as far away from this as possible. She’s well aware of what’s to come.

 A chilling half hour later she finds herself sucking up tears that’ll only make her situation worse if someone were to see them. The cold, plastic, remote controller is in her hands, and it’s heavy as it’s ever been. She deems herself desensitized of the emotional toll forcefully inflicting torture on innocent people used to take. However, nothing, nothing, could possibly prepare her for what it feels like watching two HYDRA soldiers dragging her bleeding, thrashing brother from his armpits, and forcefully shoving him into the chair Y/n’s made. Director Müller watches her press the appropriate buttons with a sickly smile on his face.

She begs. For the first time in years, she begs God, the universe, something, to save her, to make her disappear. When this doesn’t work, when pleading for somebody to take mercy goes unheard, when the remote feels like the heaviest thing she’s ever lifted, her eyes draw to Müller, who’s watching her intently, waiting for her to carry on with her new assignment.

The millimeters her thumb has to cross feel endless. The process takes eons. The button is nearly unmoving.

Y/n will never forget her brother’s screams.

~~

In the hours that follow, she’s trapped inside her chamber, a tiny room of blank four walls with a hard bed and an open toilet, looking more like a prison cell than anything, the only difference being that in the daytime she’s allowed to come and go as she pleases within the unrestricted areas.

Tears streak her cheeks for yet another night, and the despair has never felt like this before. She thought she’d escape it one day, the guilt, the weight, but it seems she’s trapped, like an ant under a boot, seconds before she bursts to pieces, with the pressure of the entire world on her chest.

The itch grows louder. It’s right there, in the bottom of her heart, something to pay attention to, in her state of absolute isolation and despair. She’s alone, has been alone for so many years, and she wonders, still, why she hasn’t killed herself yet, but the idea that if she does, they’ll probably also kill her brother comes and slaps her in the face. However, what else is there to do? How much torture can she make her brother go through because of her mistakes, how much guilt can she shoulder?

She sits on the bed, counts the bolts that are screwing the vent door on the ceiling, listens to footsteps pass by every so often, and ponders. Silent tears crawl down the curves of her face. She’s lost so much. She hasn’t spoken her native language in years, and sometimes she wonders if she’s forgotten how to.

A pair of heavy duty boots leisurely walk down the hallway, and she recognizes the voices of two guards. Conversation easily flows between them, and Y/n has no choice but to listen.

“Did you hear about the new chair the American has made?” one of them says. Her ears perk.

“The American? No, what about it?”

“They say it’s one of the most painful things they’ve ever used in HYDRA.” Y/n winces.

“Are you serious?”

“It’s what I heard. Wouldn’t wanna find out myself.” The soldiers share a chuckle. “Müller made the American do it on her brother. I hear he died about twenty minutes later.”

Y/n’s heart drops.

He- he’s- he’s dead?

“No kidding. The bastard survived six years. ‘S a wonder he’s lived this long” And as the soldiers pass by, Y/n’s left in her chamber. The silence grows deafening, but the echo of her heart splitting and falling apart, shattering on the hard concrete floor is ear-splittingly loud. All that she’s done, all the sacrifices, all the sheer, iron will she’s had to muster to maintain her sanity, all the awful things she’s done, the blood on her hands, the guilt, the pain she’s caused and- and in the end… he died by her own hand.

Chaos and confusion, an ocean of lashing thoughts violently crashing and pulling her under. It feels like the crescendo of the longest song that’s ever been written, six years of constant playing, and the orchestra’s hands are bleeding on the strings and buttons, coating everything with their own pain, worked down to the bone, and this is it- the minutes before it’s finally over. The roof is about to be blown off its hinges.

The itch is no longer underlying. It consumes her, and she knows, finally. She recognizes it. Escapism. Revenge.

~

Steve’s silent. He hasn’t looked away from her, hasn’t changed stance, still with his arms crossed over his chest and bulging underneath his dark green sweater. He’s staring at her, patiently as ever, with a set to his jaw that she knows isn’t there out of anger, but because he, too, is overwhelmed with emotion. His shoulders are no longer stiff, and he now has a cup of coffee too, finished in front of him. The bags under both their eyes are darker. 

“I didn’t get to kill Müller. But I managed to run away. Barely. I disappeared, travelled to the States. I found Fury and sold all the information I knew about HYDRA and the department I had been held in, in return for protection. Fury took me in.” It’s a lifeless shrug, weighted and tired, and it’s then that Steve glances at his feet, then back at her. “I trained, learned how to fight properly. Used my knowledge for good. Made it to the Avengers in a desperate attempt to make up for all that I had done. ‘S when I met you.”

Steve seems to remember. He recognizes himself entering the story. It’s almost like he’s reliving the time they first met, back on that Helicarrier. A good memory, all things considered.

“There’s little excuse for me lying to you. I know. But please, you have to understand. The burden of getting to know the best friend of the person you’d been forced to help torture for years… becoming close friends with you? How could I ever say anything about anything and have you actually trust me?” She shook her head.

“What do you mean…?”

“They forced me to make weapons, new torture methods, even tried to make me refine Zola’s formula. A way to get a better grip on Bucky’s mind. I didn’t know much about all of it, nor who it was for, wasn’t my field anyways, and Zola’s formula was successful as it was, there wasn’t much for me to add. They later left me to the torture part, not the brainwashing. Even if I had known, though, I wouldn’t really have had a choice in the matter. I did anything I had to do to protect the only family I had left.” He nods seriously.

“We grew closer and closer and I wanted to tell you, to share my guilt with someone finally, but… the prospect of losing you was… too much. I didn’t want to lose the person that had reminded me for the first time in decades what it was like to be cared for. You were-“  a gulp “are like a brother to me.” Steve looks down. “I couldn’t see the betrayal on your face. It- it paralyzed me.

“I didn’t think you’d ever find out, honestly, how was I supposed to know you’d find my file? But don’t think I never felt guilty. It was always there, like everything could crumble at any moment, like a cloud looming over my head, but… I guess I kind of learnt to ignore it. I had found a family, Steve. After years of pain, pain received and pain caused, after so much darkness, I had finally found people who understood what guilt felt like, what it meant to be composed on surface level. I found people that loved me for what I was then and there. The idea of losing that crushed me.

“I know I can’t take it back, but for whatever it’s worth, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Steve.”  

Steve stays tight-lipped, pondering, staring at the table, then at her, then at the table again. He’s carefully controlling his expressions, clearly analyzing the information he’s been given, and she holds her breath. Whatever his reaction is, she thinks, nothing compares to the breath of fresh air she can allow herself to take, free of this awful, lengthy story. Finally, clear honesty, a sort of vulnerability with her best friend that’s different and new. True, down to its core.

It’s the sigh that does it for her. Resigned. Her eyes snap up at him. “You should’ve told me” He shuts his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose before looking up at her, and shaking his head. “I would’ve understood. Nothing would’ve changed.” He looks right at her, very much like a discouraged parent. “What am I gonna do with you?”

And it’s- it’s the way he says it, as if everything makes sense now, shoulders dropping all the way down. The way he just- like he says you absolute moron, but in their own, loving, sibling-like way. As if  he can’t stay mad for too long. Looking at her with the tiniest sympathetic curl of his lip.

It’s relief, because it’s in that half a smile that she sees it all. She sees the forgiveness, the understanding. She sees the love. It’s as if he’s looking at her, saying family, am I right? Despite her situation, for the first time in years, so, so many years, she breathes deeply, breathes oxygen that feels nurturing to her lungs, that makes her think she’s floating, and smiles, apologetically, trying to telepathically communicate I’m sorry for being an idiot. Sorry for not trusting you. Sorry for fucking up this badly. I promise to be better.

She knows, he’ll always be there to give her another chance.

~

It’s moments, a handful of them, in which time and space seem to stop existing, to warp into something else entirely, a world that’s so confused, nobody knows how to put it back. It seems, in those moments, one forgets where they are, how they got there, their brain has not yet escaped from the liquefied dreamland it’s manifested, can’t seem to fit in the strict, square rigidness of reality.

Bucky finds himself in that place. His eyelids seem to weigh about twelve tons, barely feeling his fingertips. It takes a great deal of effort to have thoughts, to- to maintain them, and as his mind slowly starts running a little faster, he remembers faintly, cloudy memories barely registering, that the last thing he saw was three soldiers, that had sneaked up on him, he remembers the gun being aimed at him, instinctively moving and getting nailed in the stomach multiple times.

Wherever he is now, it’s quiet. He worries for a second that he’s been left for dead in the HYDRA base, worries that he’s either dying on the floor or a vague prison cell, resembling something he’s been in already, but he’s comforted by the fact that the surface he’s on seems soft, the lights behind his eyes bright. Whatever the case, he should wake up now, he might need to get up and defend himself.

And as his eyes open, heavy and tired, he meets another pair of gorgeous ones, familiar and soft, and he feels warm all over. He’s- he’s safe. He’s safe because she’s here, and he loves her, with all of his being he loves her, and she’s holding his right hand close to her chest, he feels everything, her warmth, and he knows it’ll all be okay, it’ll all fix itself. He doesn’t have to try.

There’s something lingering just beneath his skin though, a need to recoil. Like a small bucket of icy water thrown over him, because, yes, he loves her, but she betrayed him. She could be out to get him right now, could be working with HYDRA still, and he might be trapped somewhere, and his heartbeat accelerates, because he has to escape and he can’t trust her anymore- until he sees the tears. The tears streaking her cheeks, over old salty marks, and a smile, broken but whole. This isn’t the behavior of a captor, he decides, deems himself, if not safe, then entirely incapable of fighting back, should he need to anyways. Why worry now? Let his future self do the work.

His eyes move around the room, blue-ish gray walls vaguely familiar, and- there’s another figure, another pair of eyes- blue, happy. It’s Steve.

Bucky feels safe. He knows he’s alive. He knows he’s home.

~

Like any other free afternoon, Y/n finds herself on her couch, curled up as much as she can with a book in her lap. There’s a short lamp on the side table, and she leans on the armrest comfortably with her toes curled, flying through pages and pages of words. Her hair is down, she wears comfortable clothes, and has a blanket over her legs. The weather’s been getting colder lately.

A warm sound, four soft knocks on her wooden door, are enough to pull her out of her novel, enough to make her eyebrows stitch together. She’s not expecting anyone.

Her feet are bare and she’s well aware of how close her knives are to the front door, just in case she has to fling herself over and grab one. She presses her eye against the little peephole, but it’s old and foggy and the workers who had once repainted the building managed to cover part of it with small drops of paint and she hasn’t gotten around to trying cleaning it. Doorknob cold under her palm, she tilts and-

Oh.

The first thing she notices is his shirt, a maroon Henley, buried under two more layers of clothes, a brown hoodie and a darker brown leather winter jacket. The buttons on the collar of his Henley are open, giving her a cheeky peak of the skin of his chest. She loves this shirt on him. It feels like someone tugged at her heart from every direction. Longing.

The second thing she notices is that this- it’s Bucky. Bucky standing in front of her door with an expression she’s rarely, if ever, seen on his face before. Her favorite, gorgeous light blue eyes staring straight at her after briefly scanning her down, as if he, too, is making sure she’s actually there.  She is. And so is he. Here. Now. In front of her. Looking at her. Her feet are on the floor, she’s not dreaming, the world is round and Bucky is here.

Oh God. He’s really at her door.

“James…”

He seems to shiver. A shake of his head, something she recognizes as him convincing himself this is happening, then eyes meeting hers again. He shoves his hands deeper in his pockets. She holds the door less tensely.

“I think…” squeezing his eyes shut for a moment, looking at the floor. “Steve said to talk to you.” A heavy breath. Shoulders awkwardly, tensely shrugging, sorta like a kid forced to apologize by their parent. She doesn’t know how, but her head manages a nod, gulping. She pulls away from the doorframe, makes way for him to pass.

“Come in.”

 New York sounds as alive as it ever does, even at eleven at night, and Y/n wishes she was sitting, because her legs are unsteady. It makes tears well in her eyes, seeing him here again, in her kitchen, looking around absently. The world feels different, much like it did in the Compound when she’d gone to visit him, even if nothing has changed in it apart from them.

Despite the passing cars outside, and people yelling, heard through the open window, it feels quiet. As if they’re the only ones in the world, being here with him feels like a cosmic event. She remembers what it was like sitting here and being so overwhelmed by the love in her heart, remembers what it was like to be surrounded by his arms and held so impossibly close to his chest. She remembers what it was like to look in his eyes and see them so affectionately looking at her, as if she’s everything he could ever ask for, as if she’s the light in his world. The cold of the night and of the space between them feels very much like a slap in the face.

“I know you no longer work for them,” and it truly breaks her heart how part of that statement feels like he’s trying to convince himself, or as if it’s difficult for him to process. How awful, the shift between being someone’s favorite person and being someone who’s trustworthiness is little over questionable. The weight of being responsible for fucking up the most important relationships in her life suffocates her. “Steve told me.” 

There’s nothing to do but nod numbly. She looks at him, watches the warm, glimmering lights of her kitchen fall on the curves and edges of his face, admires the yellow-ish hue outlining his features, making his eyes look iridescent.

She mustn’t cry.

“He told me everything, actually.”

She must not cry.

Bucky doesn’t say a lot of words, but they’re there, at the tip of his tongue, floating in the air like dust particles. In this, there’s a lingering question, a large Why. Why didn’t you say anything? Why did you hide all this from me? Why did it have to be this way?

Y/n looks down. What to say, really?

“I just- I can’t believe-“ she jumps at his loud tone, Bucky never one to have vocal outbursts. She sees the tears in his eyes, gaze lingering away from her, towards the living room for a second before looking up at the ceiling momentarily, then straight at her. His hands are shaking, and she sees it all then. The betrayal, the hurt, despair, the- the loss. There’s no alleviating this pain that overwhelms both of them. She hates herself for this, can’t believe she caused all of it.

“I- I did what I thought would be best for us-“

“No, don’t pull that shit with me.” He glares now and points at her, and she never, ever wanted to be in the receiving end of such an intimidating look. Venom is laced in his tone, harsh and biting, and it feels like the temperature in the room dropped below zero, her spine rigid. “You did what you thought was best for you,” said as calmly as the tears that slowly leak from the corners of his eyes and over the apples of his cheeks are. “In fact, I doubt you thought at all”

That’s not true though. The amount of times she’d sit in her bed, with his arms around her while he slept, weighed down by the lies and the guilt; the guilt of all the terrible things she’d done, and the guilt of hiding them from the most important people in her life. She’d scale the pros and cons of confessing everything, for hours she’d make lists in her head, extensively long, but the cons were always destructively larger and would always win. She’d choose to stay as she was, with them oblivious and happy, until they would finally see her for what she truly was, and she’d convince herself, it would all be worth it for the time spent with them.

“I couldn’t tell you- I couldn’t face the idea of losing you I-“

“So you’d rather lie to me? You’d rather hide your past from me? I trusted you, Y/n.” He hasn’t called her by her first name in so long, and it feels like he just took one of her knives on her kitchen counter and stabbed her straight in her chest with it. “I gave you all of me, I told you every single little thing about myself, everything I hated, everything I’ve done, and I trusted you to have it and- and you couldn’t even trust me to listen to you? To- to understand you?”

She deserves this, she does, but she can’t- can’t deal with him yelling at her and, reflexively, she lashes out- “I was scared, Buck,” –and it’s a pitiful excuse, she knows, but it’s the bitter truth and the reason behind everything. “You have to understand- this isn’t some black and white situation, I thought you’d hate me for everything, I didn’t wanna lose you, or Steve!”

“Scared?” he seethes, walking towards her with angry steps, and she starts stepping back too, entering the living room. She realizes how large he looks, how his anger fills every corner of the room. “You were scared?!” She can practically taste the condescension on her tongue. “And you think I wasn’t?! You think I wasn’t paralyzed you’d run away after everything I’d done? You think I wasn’t terrified of my feelings for you and how fast they came to be?” She wishes she could answer that, but part of her is terrified to know what he used to feel for her and how much of it she actually ruined.

“But I’m a fucking adult, and I dealt with it. You… you lied about everything. Did you even give a shit about how badly you were gonna fuck me over, if I ever found out?”

“Does it look like I fucking like it? You know how sorry I am, how much I hate myself for everything I’ve done to ruin both yours and Steve’s trust in me!”

“I don’t know shit,” her legs bump on the back of her navy couch. “You hurt me- hurt us. We gave you everything, I put my heart on the line for you, and you couldn’t even have a little faith in me to believe in you, and what you truly are.”  A monster rings in Y/n’s brain. Nothing but a monster.

“Please, stop.” Submission. That’s all she has left, by now, because his words ring nothing but true. Because she can’t bear to hear everything she feels about herself being told back to her in his voice, it would literally be a nightmare come true. Everything drains in her body, and it all comes down to this. She just wants all of this to stop, the pain in both of them to stop.

“No,” he hisses, and she can’t really blame him. He’s close to her, about two feet away, and she’s trapped between him and the couch. “I’m not gonna stop just because things got uncomfortable for you, just because you had to come back because I was dying in a gurney. You barely tried to make everything right before that. Do you even care?”

“Don’t you see that I did everything because I love you?!”

Silence. Bucky nearly staggers back, as if the words that have never, before, been said came out and punched him in the face.

“Why the fuck do you think I didn’t tell you anything? Because I wanted to break your heart? No, you clueless asshole, I’m in fucking love with you!” His expression is stunned, eyes wide at her outburst, watching as she takes the steps she needs to close the gap between them. Her finger is jabbing at his chest, which is raising and falling with panted breaths. “I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you, couldn’t take to watch your trust break, couldn’t bear the thought of you finally seeing I’m a monster!” And she breaks down, a sobbing mess now, the tears that once trailed down her face, now endless. She covers her mouth, face crumpled and red.

“I j-j-just wanted us t-to be okay, bec-cause I love you t-too much to fuck-king lose y-you”, As her eyes shut, crying relentlessly in her hand, throat feeling like it’s gonna burst, she feels so eternally cold, as if showered by a bucket of icy water. The idea that she might once again be left alone in the world while someone she loves is taken away, all because of her actions- it’s too much. It takes her back to the worst day of her life, brings back a kind of cold so furious, it knots her joints and sends shudders down her spine- her hands tremble at the thought. She can’t believe how colossally she’s managed to screw things up with him, how much he hates her and genuinely believes she did anything less than care about him. .

Like a tidal wave, the emotions overwhelm her, the self-hate like a boulder that smacked her in the face and threw her down a cliff and now everything hurts, and her stomach feels like it’s climbing up her throat. Her heart tears through her chest, painful and slow, and it’s all her fault, everything, and there’s nothing there to fix it all, to make it better- except, all of a sudden, warm, strong arms curl around her. She breaks down harder, curling in his chest because she fucking missed this, missed his affection, his protective embrace, his comforting smell.

Fists clutching his shirt, she sobs, acutely aware of her tears wetting the material of that maroon Henley she loves so much. The arms around her curl tighter, one hand dipping under her hair to hold the nape of her neck gingerly, keeping her against him, thumb rubbing gentle circles. And it’s then that she hears it, his own sniffling, his chest shaking. He’s crying too. The need to provide the comfort she seeks is overwhelming, and she lets his shirt go, wrapping her arms around his waist and holding him together too. “I’m so sorry,” she cries, shoulders shaking, and Bucky shushes her, shaking his head slightly. His arms tighten briefly.

In her crying, she vaguely registers him moving them to the couch, both sitting down, and her curling up into him instinctively. For a while, until she calms down slightly, she lets herself be held and holds him back just as fiercely. It feels like she’s finally letting go, an outburst that frees her of part of the weight she’d been shouldering for years on end. It feels like release, a dam that broke and is spilling every last drop of water that’s been pushing at it for so long.

When she quiets down, when her sobs no longer hurt, no longer feel like they’ll split her ribcage to splinters, when her breathing sort of evens out, she pulls one of her hands to rest on Bucky’s chest, and pulls away to look at him. Bucky’s arms tighten to keep her close.

She’s well aware she must look like a mess, what with all the crying, but this is Bucky after all, her James, the love of her life. He’s seen her under all kinds of light now, and there’s no need to hide. Like he wants, if he is to care for her, after all this, he should care for her for all the things she is, not the things she pretends to be.

Bucky’s eyes are a little less bloodshot than hers. She cups his chin gently and watches his eyelashes flutter, his eyelids softly shut. With her thumb she gently strokes his cheek and notices the way he seems to lean into her palm, lips parting with heavy breaths. He missed her too.

He opens his eyes again to look at her and leans his forehead down to touch hers, holds her closely and brushes the tip of his nose on the bridge of hers so lightly she almost misses it. She sighs. “You have every right to be angry at me,” she whispers to him, pulling her hand back and tucking it in her chest. “I lied, and I didn’t trust you, and I acted the complete opposite way of how I should have. For all of that,” a breath sucked, almost clogged at the center of her chest, “for all of that, I’m sorry.”

Bucky, still infinitely close to her, shakes his head gently. He takes one arm from around her, and she thinks this is it; this is where he says goodbye-

But, gentle as always, he places his right hand on the side of her neck, softly nudges her head up to his and drops his lips on her own, a ghost of a kiss, short and unexpected, before he pulls back and looks at her. “I love you.” He whispers, breath hitting her lips, and her eyes well with tears once again, as she looks up at him. She never thought she’d hear those words, not after everything. Bucky kisses her single fallen tear away, noses at her temple.

“I don’t think you’re a monster, the same way you didn’t think I am one. You helped me heal, helped me learn that those things I did, they weren’t me. I didn’t have a choice.”

“B-but-“

“No, you listen to me.” He tells her, his grip around her body tightening, giving emphasis to his words. “You did what you had to do to protect your brother. What you did… The blood isn’t on your hands.” He has not let her gaze go for a second, and she’s transfixed, tears still overflowing- she wonders when she’ll finally run out of them. “I love you.” Her bottom lip trembles. “I love you more than I thought I was ever capable of. Thinking you betrayed me completely incapacitated me, but I understand you. I see you. I forgive you.”

She gasps, shudders, and in the spur of a single waking moment, lunges at him, kisses him fiercely, holds him tightly. Their lips mold together, and the last pieces of the universal puzzle of the cosmos click to place. Everything settles, mouths moving in sync, desperate, hungry, all the emotions tumbling out all at once, and it’s like the slingshot snapped, and the missile hit the target. She bites his bottom lip, and the groan he lets out comes from deep within his chest, tongues tangling together. His metal arm crushes her against him, hand buries in his hair, their noses smush together, breaths strangled, air shared, and…This- this feels like belonging. No- more like, this feels like coming home.

Inevitably, they part, trying to suck in much needed air, foreheads knocking together gently and chests heaving. It seems like they feed off each other’s personal space, like they hold each other in one piece, while also completing one another. To Y/n it feels like a breath of fresh air.

“This doesn’t mean we’re perfect yet,” Bucky utters gently, not in a menacing way, but as a soft clarification, a request even. “I- I’m gonna need some time.” She’s grateful he even chose to give her a chance at all. Y/n smiles up at him affectionately and nods.

“Of course, Buck. All the time you need.” She caresses the side of his face with gentle fingers, traces his features with a feather-light touch, then cups his jaw. “Thank you.” And it’s weighted, hangs low in the air. She looks at him intensely to make sure he knows she means it. Bucky closes his eyes and leans into her touch, then blinks them open, brilliant, sky blue irises staring right at her. “I love you so much.” He breathes out heavily.

“Say that again,” he whispers. She grins at him as if he’s all good things in the world, because he is.

“I love you, Sergeant Barnes.” A kiss pressed to his cheek. “I love you with all of my being.” A kiss gently tucked on each of his eyelids. “I love you for all that you are.” And she kisses him on his lips sweetly, and he responds like she’s made out of glass, like she’s fragile. He sighs out. They breathe close to each other for a while.

“I know you said you need some time. Do you… wanna go out with me? Coffee? At Michelle’s?” Bucky grins. Their spot. He nods.

“I’d really love that.”

It’s not much, but it’s something. An olive branch. The first step to gain his trust back. There’s nothing Y/n deems more important. With a deep  breath, she knows. She’s ready to do anything, to work her hardest to earn a place in his life, the one he’s so graciously offered her. To get to build a future with him, on steady foundation this time.

Their life begins now. Y/n can’t wait to live it. With him.

~~

A/N 2: please tell me what you thought!

#mcu #marvel #bucky #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x fem!reader #bucky x fem!reader #steve rogers #sebastian stan #chris evans #bucky fluff #bucky angst #bucky fanfiction #bucky fanfic #mcu fanfiction

[nikmikaelsonswife]

Handling Three Sugar Crazed Mikaelson Brothers on Halloween Night Would Include...(1)

thanks to @elijahs-wife for helping me with a couple of ideas for this. this was a random idea and so fun to write. also a bit long compared to my normal HCs so im splitting it into two parts. this is specific for a “would include” so ill probably write a different one. enjoy.

the only thing that connected you to the original family was your strong friendship with the youngest sibling. in your opinion, that wasn’t a big relation.

yet, you found yourself babysitting them on halloween night.

rebekah had called you, begging you to come over for a reason she wouldn’t explain, knowing that if she did then you wouldn’t have shown up in the first place.

and when you arrived to find two grown ass men running around the plantation house giggling, you had planned on retreating back to the comfort of your bed.

though before you could, your best friend was in your way, pleading for you to stay.

and you complied.

which is how you ended up here.

your hair blew as someone sped by, your gaze snapping to the candy bowl, a pesky hand dug deep inside it.

“don’t you think you’ve had enough?” you questioned, berating the suspect with only a glare.

“you aren’t my mommy.” kol spat, sticking his blue tongue out at you before he scurried away with more jolly ranchers behind his back as if you couldn’t see them.

klaus laughed at his brother’s antics from your lap, seemingly in a daze as he chewed on another bar of twix. and when rebekah came in moments later in a comical costume, his giggling grew even louder.

“im going to go ahead and guess that this isn’t the one either.” she scoffed, rolling her eyes and immediately returning to her room before you could say a thing.

a long thump sounded through the living room before your eyes landed on a chuckling elijah who was holding his knee beside a fallen chair, a green apple flavored ice pop in his other hand.

“oh dear god,” you groaned, “not you too!” but you already knew that he was too far gone.

especially when he dropped down on one knee in front of you, offering you a ring pop from his suit jacket. “i wanted to thank you,” inhale, “for watching after my,” exhale, “siblings and i.” he breathlessly smiled, his lips an unflattering shade of moss green.

you grinned, accepting the candy. but when you tried to reach out and grab it, he smacked your hand away. “what the...” you silenced when he grabbed that same hand, gently opposed to the way he had just blatantly abused it before slipping the ring on your finger.

it left you speechless how he was still such a gentleman even on a sugar high.

well, somewhat.

and you also wondered where that ice pop went....

klaus made a puking sound, rolling over to where his chin laid on your thigh. “if the two of you are done playing mr and mrs, i’d like to play an actual fun game.”

“what kind of game?” kol asked, causing you to jolt since you hadn’t expected his random appearance. he patted your head in remorse....or at least that’s what you thought it was for.

a chesire grin pulled at klaus’ lips as his brothers gathered around in interest. you sighed, annoyed that you were in the middle of it all.

unfortunately, you hadn’t seen even the beginning of “annoying”.

“how about a game of hot potato?”

you raised an eyebrow when he stared at you in particular, leaving you puzzled as to what this idea had to do with you. and then you realized...

“or shall i say a game of....hot (y/n)?”

“no! hell no!” you shoved klaus off of you before jumping up and attempting to race out of the room, but you knew that you were no match for three original vampires.

you tried to use your increased speed to escape once and for all, but you were blocked once again. you shrieked when kol threw you over his shoulder, smacking the backside of your thigh. “no worries, darling. you’re a vampire, it’ll be alright.”

and it wasn’t long before you felt yourself fly through the air, warm strong arms wrapping around your shoulders and legs. “hey there.” elijah smiled before your surroundings were a blur once again.

you dreaded the moment when klaus caught you, scared that he was going to toss you in a way that would have you catapulting through a window.

“if i die, im gonna haunt your ass. be careful.” you warned, scowling at the gorgeous hybrid that began to snicker.

“oh, sweetheart. that wouldn’t be any fun, would it now?” eyes widening, you had no time to brace yourself before your legs were over your head and you were flipped in the air.

you’d think three hot men tossing you around would be fun.

“what in the bloody hell is going on in here? your way of committing homicide toward my best friend is to break her?”

you sighed in relief when you were let go, thanking God as you rested on the couch, patiently waiting for the ground to stop spinning.

“id appreciate it if you imbeciles could avoid (y/n) breaking her neck.” rebekah glared at them for a hot moment, eventually turning around and retreating back to her bedroom.

“okay, different game.” klaus excitedly announced, completely disregarding his sister’s statement as he pondered. you frowned, watching all three of the demons scratch their heads.

“you could never go wrong with some light tussling.” elijah offered and your heart rate began to pick up, stomach dropping when you noticed a twinkle of mischief in every one of their eyes. “though, i can assure you that ill come out as the victor in the end.”

klaus smirked darkly at elijah’s boasting. “it’s a challenge then, brother.”

“challenge?” kol scoffed, “you honestly believe that a simple fist fight is classified as such?”

klaus smirked, “and what do you propose, kol?”

and that’s when you noticed that he had been holding his hands behind his back. his arms slowly came around to reveal something long that glinted in the light.

and that’s when you came to a conclusion:

you were not a good babysitter.

“no! no! you are in no state to handle sharp objects. give it.” you held out your hand, but kol refused, shaking his head in rebellion.

you were slowly growing extremely agitated. you’d never allow them to eat another piece of candy for the rest of eternity.

“hand over the sword kol mikaelson!” he heavily sighed after a moment, pouting as he extended his hand to you. exhaling in victory, you sped away to hide it in the safety of your car.

and when you returned, they seemed to be huddled in a circle, which piqued your suspicion.

as you approached, you caught a bit of klaus’ sentence,

“it seems our guest has been ruining all the fun.”

your eyebrows furrowed as he came toward you, a quizzical expression lining your features. “klaus...what are you...” he grasped your face, locking his gaze with your own.

“my apologies, sweetheart, but im afraid your invitation has been revoked.” and those green-blue eyes were the last thing you saw before you blacked out.

—

part two.

#klaus mikaelson #elijah mikaelson #kol mikaelson #klaus imagine #elijah mikaelson fanfiction #kol mikaelson imagine #rebekah mikaelson #the originals #original groupies #the vampire diaries #klaus mikaelson headcanon