arsenicisaddictive - Tumblr blog

arsenicisaddictive · 2 months

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If dying were easier I'd have done it already

#i hate everything #im so tired #fuck this #quote #chronic fatigue #chronic illness #chronic pain #depersonalisation and derealisation #suicide #death #dying #tired #mentally tired #exhausted #feeling the it in it/they

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arsenicisaddictive · 3 months

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Turns out this is called Emotional Blunting, and it’s a side effect of my antidepressant.

I find myself feeling this perpetual numb indifference; sure I can laugh and I don’t know if I can cry, but it’s like there’s nothing out there that can bother me.

And it’s not the hollow cold of depression, it’s just continually flat emotions where nothing really matters, but not in an unhappy way, just an inability to care way.

I don’t know how I feel about it, but all I know is I barely feel at all, and it’s weird because it bothers me but also doesn’t because there’s nothing that matters to me anymore.

Honestly, depression might’ve been better than this flat indifference, because at least then I knew I was missing something. Now I’m just a low static hum of non-existent emotion.

#emotional blunting

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arsenicisaddictive · 3 months

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I find myself feeling this perpetual numb indifference; sure I can laugh and I don’t know if I can cry, but it’s like there’s nothing out there that can bother me.

And it’s not the hollow cold of depression, it’s just continually flat emotions where nothing really matters, but not in an unhappy way, just an inability to care way.

I don’t know how I feel about it, but all I know is I barely feel at all, and it’s weird because it bothers me but also doesn’t because there’s nothing that matters to me anymore.

Honestly, depression might’ve been better than this flat indifference, because at least then I knew I was missing something. Now I’m just a low static hum of non-existent emotion.

#i’m so numb #i’m numb #numb #i feel empty #I feel flat #no emotion #I don’t care #about anything #and I have all these issues with my health and they Suck by my brain is just kinda *shrug* about the whole thing #emotionless #emptiness #im so tired #fuck this #chronic fatigue #depersonalisation and derealisation #chronic illness #i just want to sleep

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arsenicisaddictive · 4 months

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Forgetting about your scars and then seeing them again and feeling like you’ve been punched in the chest.

I have days where I can’t live without them and I have days where I wish I could go just one day without the world having to see my scars and judge me for them.

I’m stuck with these for the rest of my life and I don’t hate them but I do

and I hate when people mention them and I can’t mention them myself even though it’s been over a year and I’m doing so much better but I just can’t talk about them, now and maybe ever and I don’t know how that makes me feel

#scars #self harm scars #sh scars #im so tired #i hate everything #fuck this #i just want to sleep #quote #depression #anxiety #poetry #poetic #managing to live a moment without remembering I have scars #and then seeing them again #it’s like a gut punch #it’s a sickness #I don’t like how it makes me feel #I can’t talk about it

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arsenicisaddictive · 4 months

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It just takes one stupid thing to remember and then it all comes rushing back

I can’t even Look at clothes that remind me of the hospital because it was the worst part of my life and I never want to go back

But I’m worried it’s inevitable

#i hate everything #im so tired #fuck this #quote #i just want to sleep #depersonalisation and derealisation #depressed post #depression #depressing post #I should be sleeping #scared #fear #fear of getting worse #of relapse

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arsenicisaddictive · 5 months

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I just reread a post I made the other day and

Knowing I’m never going to get better doesn’t make my head hurt any less.

I want to scream and shake people until they understand that the chronic part of my illness doesn’t make it hurt any less; you don’t stop feeling the pain, you don’t stop suffering, you don’t hurt any less than anyone else.

You just learn to live with it cause you don’t have a fucking choice

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arsenicisaddictive · 6 months

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The thing about chronic illnesses

Is you end up mourning yourself

The pieces you lost to your sickness

And the parts of life you’re never getting back

And even though you’re still living

You’ve had to experience some kind of death

#im so tired #quote #i just want to sleep #chronic fatigue #chronic illness #chronic pain #chronic issues #chronically ill #mourning #mourning yourself #self death #sickness #the mourning that comes with chronic illnesses #all the selves you didn’t get to be #and all the suffering that took their place #poetry #original poem #original post

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arsenicisaddictive · 7 months

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Chronic illnesses are wishing you’d get better and knowing you won’t and then accepting that you’re not going to get better and having to live with the fact that you never will.

Knowing I’m never going to get better doesn’t make my head hurt any less

“For a while, everything ached and then a little voice inside of me said, “Hey, you have to do something other than hurt all the time." And I said, "I know. I know. I’m trying.”

— Sue Zhao

#chronic fatigue #when your chronic fatigue is chronically fatiguing #chronic illness #chronic pain #chronically ill #pain #cluster headaches #I have a cluster headache #i have a headache #ouch #my fucking ear hurts from wearing my glasses cause of my headache

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arsenicisaddictive · 7 months

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