amalgamgooze

[amalgamgooze]

intimidated.

I finished writing my commencement speech today, and submitted it into the pool for review. Though I spent quite a bit of time workshopping it, I'm still concerned that it's not the best I could've made it--even after taking it to the school's writing lab.

But then again, I'm confident I'll at least make it to the five-speech round where I'll read the speech in front of a board of teachers alongside four other students. I can't say exactly why.

I mean, compared to the other students submitting speeches, my performance at school has been... mediocre. Like I've mentioned previously on here, though I had the ability to succeed at school, I didn't really ever fully seize it in favor of more personal (but equally intellectually stimulating) pursuits. I'm not talking about personal nuclear reactors or that kind of shit. I'm talking about learning how to write music, learning higher level math just for fun, and learning how to code. All the stuff that never really gets recognized on any transcripts or manuscripts.

And maybe it's hubristic to think that my speech might actually have a touching message when compared to the rest. Honestly, I'm intimidated by the other classmates who've I heard might be submitting speeches. They're all part of Cum Laude and stuff. I never made it into Cum Laude because I foolishly valued studying music more than my GPA. It's not a mistake I regret, though sometimes I do wish I'd discussed it with my Music Theory teacher more.

...okay, so I might be the only one out of the pool of speech writers who's taken that Music Theory class. I suppose I'm extraordinary in that aspect.

But, in the end, what does that really mean? That's not as extraordinary as extraordinary grades or transcripts.

I didn't really put forth all the effort I should've in the rest of my classes.

All these other kids have grades and transcripts superior to mine, grades and transcripts that could've easily been my own had I put in that little bit of extra effort. But, again, I just didn't feel like doing that extra effort when I'd devoted my "extra effort" to my own personal pursuits.

The speeches aren't even judged based on grade history.

For now, I'm assuming they're judged as blindly as possible for qualification into the final round.

That doesn't change the fact that I'm intimidated.

After having written my speech.

It doesn't even matter that I'm intimidated.

...I'm back in that silly little purgatory I was in when I thought it'd be fun to apply to MIT--

I know I'm probably going to get rejected, but now that I've submitted a speech, there's still that glimmer of a chance that it might be accepted.

...and in a weird sort of way, I'm kind of proud to claim that I was rejected from MIT.

Sure, *anyone* can get rejected from MIT... but not everybody does. There's a million people who never tested their chance at getting into MIT.

Likewise, I suppose I'll look back on having submitted a speech, even if it gets rejected, since I'll still be thankful that I submitted a speech instead of living a life of "what if I had...".

So, am I intimidated?

Of course.

Can that intimidation detriment me in any speech-related way right now?

Nope.

It's almost as if the intimidation exists just to mess with me mentally.

Oh well. The final five speeches will be announced next Friday, I believe.

I suppose I've got something to wait for again, then.

From here to next week. To hell with what transcripts are supposed to mean. I had fun.

#blog #writing #speech #public speaking #commencement #high school #senior year #senior in high school #intimidation #rejection #narrative #mediocrity

[amalgamgooze]

where dreams go to die (maybe)

Today was not a fantastic day, to say the least. Nothing bad explicitly happened, but it's just kind of the culmination of things that boils over on a less-than-perfect day like today.

It's important, I think, to restate that nothing tangible or that sort of thing happened today. It was all just in my head.

In American high school, there's this prevalent issue of seniors losing motivation towards the end of their senior year, since we've already committed to colleges and such. This phenomenon is often dubbed "senioritis".

But my motivation to succeed hasn't been my grades in a long time. I've never really tried to keep high grades in order to land my dream school. I didn't even ever really have a dream school. I just kind of kept on keeping on knowing I'd eventually stumble across a school that'd be a good fit for me (and I did!).

Rather, my motivation to learn in school has primarily come from my dream of someday realizing some of my "great" stories, particularly one video game I've been designing for the past seven or so years. I mean, that's no small deal, to keep making ideas for the same project over a seven-year span. I've told a few friends about it, and they seem interested in the story I want to tell too, so it's only been more encouraging.

I mean, I've somehow tied everything to making progress on my video game. There's obvious topics, like math and physics being easily applicable to the game's coding, as well as art and music classes to help with the design of the game. Most of the writing I do is practice for when I'll eventually be writing story, dialog, and monologues for my game. There's also the less obvious, such as literature classes providing examples of story structures and elements, as well as history classes providing tidbits of inspiration here and there (though very little--after all, I'm not one of those history freaks who raves about wars and weaponry!).

In fact, my dream of making this game has kept me going at arguably the roughest points in my life so far. When there seemed to be no other reason to keep on keepin' on, the idea of someday making and sharing this story with the world has given me the courage to keep going.

But it's always been a concern of mine as to what would keep me going if I no longer wanted to make my game. After all, people change, and it wouldn't be fair to say that I'll definitely still want to make this game in a few years. What, then, would my reason for being be? What would get me out of bed in the mornings?

Unfortunately, in the past few months, I began toying with the idea of never having to make my game after all. It'd be too much stress and work for what might end up being a not very good game, I started to think. Life was getting me down so much as it was, that it'd be near impossible to also work on a game in the little free time I'd get in the more difficult future to come.

For the better part of today, then, I began to finally accept that reality. I started to actually believe I'd never make my great game, that I'd be utterly mediocre for the rest of eternity. It was debilitating, for the hopes that kept me going in my darkest hours to be forfeit, at least temporarily.

Fortunately, now, after a nap, I'm feeling more willing to entertain the idea of making my game, at least a bit longer. After all, I've devoted almost all of my studies for the past few years to contribute to the larger goal of realizing my ambitious project. I know the road ahead is going to be anything but easy, but I've traveled down these difficult roads my entire life. What's one more to finally fulfill what I've devoted myself to for so long?

So my dream lives to see the light of another day, despite the present setting in which I trudge across barren plains of acedia and apathy.

#blog #writing #creative process #game development #indie game dev #life goals #life dreams #devotion #passion #passion project #hope #hopelessness #acedia #apathy #high school #high school senior #senior year #senioritis

[amalgamgooze]

Procrastination Nation FTW

Procrastination is wonderful. I am unfortunately most efficient in moments of desperation which procrastination readily provides.

Also, one time, I got to watch a lunar eclipse that I wouldn't have been aware of had I not procrastinated.

It was my Canterbury Tales essay in tenth grade that led me down a rabbit hole leading me to the lunar eclipse happening that evening.

Blood moons are badass. Not as cool as solar eclipses, but still pretty cool. They're prominent in games too!

(see Terraria and the newer Legend of Zelda games!)

Anyway, Procrastination has only ever benefitted me so I'm learning nothing from my mistakes. Procrastination Nation FTW!

#blog #poetry #poem #free verse #writing #procrastination #im procrastinating #creative writing #i need to stop procrastinating #procrastinator #blood moon #lunar eclipse #serendipity

[amalgamgooze]

a sketchbook page

Since I'm in a horribly anti-writing mood right now, here's a page from one of my sketchbooks. It's one of the pages I've filled out more than the rest. Also, I call them sketchbooks, despite the fact they're obviously filled with doodles. Enjoy.

#blog #doodle #doodles #sketches #my art #my sketchbook #art #drawing #drawings #sketchbook

[amalgamgooze]

Sorer

I can tell I'm getting old because I'm now getting sorer from doing the same amount of exercise.

This might as well be the end for me. ==================== Editor's Statement: The author in question is not even old enough to drink yet.

#blog #poetry #humor #funny poetry #original poetry #original poem #sore #exercise #aging

[amalgamgooze]

writing a speech is hard

Working on a speech for commencement. It's about lifelong learning and stuff. Only problem is that I haven't started and my rough draft is due Monday (for review).

...

The hardest part really is getting started. Oh well. I'll write it tomorrow in the car ride to and from my soccer game.

...

I'm so busy! But not really cause I still spend an hour each day playing Terraria instead of writing this goddamn speech.

#blog #writing #writing process #speech #commencement #high school #busy #procrastination #narrative

[amalgamgooze]

Today, my high school hosted their annual art show.

This year was the first (and last) year that I had a piece featured in it.

It was also the first (and possibly last) time I'll go to it. (Though maybe I'll be back someday?)

Though I'd never been to one before, this year's exhibition felt special compared to the other years.

Maybe it was because a lot of my friends had full displays at this show.

=====================================

I walked in, showed my parents the one thing I'd painted, and quickly made my way to the main floor where all my friends were displaying their work.

First, I'd stopped at a table with a friend I knew from soccer at the beginning of the school year. He'd been injured for the first half of the season, so we'd spent a lot of time talking while on the sidelines. (It's worth noting I managed the team, so I didn't spend much time in drills either.) While we talked about his art projects occasionally, I had no idea what to expect tonight from his display at the art show.

What I didn't expect was Wes Anderson level stop-motion projects. At no point had I ever gotten the feeling that this friend was one who'd worked with stop-motion. A whole area was dedicated to watching various films he'd made. My favorite one was one he'd made about lemmings, which was a criticism of the work-intensive culture in America. (You know I love my societal parodies!)

But I think it goes to show that you'll never really know everything about a person. In fact, I'm still learning new stuff about my parents even after living with them for the past eighteen years.

Next' I'd visited a table with a newer friend, who, while we went to elementary school together, I can't say we talked much until more recently during art class. She was always working on some crochet stuff or something similar, so when I finally read their exhibit description, I was honestly shocked to find out that they focused on making their own dyes.

You know, like in Minecraft? When you take the flowers and--it's something I'd always been interested in doing, but never really had the time to do myself. It was exhilarating to see someone else who'd actually taken it up seriously. I can't explain why. After all, I wasn't even doing the thing--someone else was, and I still thought it was cool!

Maybe it's because it was someone I knew in person, who existed as a real tangible person as opposed to the online people I could've watched do the same techniques. That's just my guess.

Then I walked past the piano, which one of my friends was playing. They'd played piano at past art shows, usually with someone else to take turns with, but this time, they played the whole two hours alone. I commend Piano Friend for this--it's hard for me to even improvise for more than an hour before my hands hurt!

I also feel kind of bad for them--he never got a chance to look at most of the art, save for the displays near him. Nonetheless...

Near Piano Friend was quite possibly the most awesome artist at our school--who also happened to be another one of my friends! She was super busy talking to the many people who'd come to look at her work--as expected, since she's done so much art-related stuff for the school. Her first piece of the year was elected as the poster for the art show, and she was also commissioned to design the 2024 mural portrait thingy. (I don't remember exactly what it's called right now, but it's kind of a big deal to have the honor of designing it!)

Honestly, I didn't feel a strong need to talk to Awesome Friend since they seemed so busy with all the art show guests, and I get to talk to her every day at school anyway. Nonetheless, I still said hello when I had a chance to.

After that, I had a pleasant conversation with another artist who'd taken a more abstract approach to art. We discussed how "spontaneous art is often great", and how playing the guitar spontaneously often leads to better melodies than playing it mechanically.

Finally, I stopped at another newer elementary school friend's (like Dye Friend) display, which featured a painting of an image that was unmistakably a painting of a scene from our kindergarten play. Obviously, when I asked her about it, she confirmed my assumptions, and also added that the work made her feel a little sad.

I must admit it also made me sad, but in a good nostalgic sort of way. I feel that the painting was sort of a testament to how far we'd come since then. Just twelve short years ago we were on the stage retelling the children's story "Are You My Mother?", and now here we were getting ready to graduate from high school.

Of course, and all the things that happened between those two points.

=====================================

This year's art show was, again, special.

Though I've tried to appreciate and understand art when I go to museums and such, I can't say I've ever understood it as fully as I did tonight. When I know and have watched the stories behind the pieces my classmates've worked on, it really adds something to the experience of viewing all the finished works displayed together.

Honestly, I'm a bit miffed that I'll probably never know the art at an exhibition again as well as I did tonight.

But life goes on. And I'll have new once-in-a-lifetime experiences to mourn the singleton-ness of soon.

#blog #writing #art #art show #high school #growing up #people #narrative #nostalgia #creative process

[amalgamgooze]

A Pretentious Backstage Hammer Story

“It was YOU? Bra-VO! Outstanding performance!”

The Waiter, startled, looked around, searching for the source of the praise. Nobody else was backstage with him. All that accompanied him was a clutter of various props and tools, conveniently obscured from the silent audience on the other side of the curtains.

“Who- who said that?”

“’Twas I, The Hammer!”

“A- I’m sorry, The Hammer?”

“Yes, kiddo! The Hammer on The Table in front of you!”

But there was no hammer on the table in front of The Waiter. Sure, there was a clutter of screwdrivers and wrenches, alongside a few nails too, but no hammer. As The Waiter brushed aside the various tools and bits on the table, The Hammer exclaimed again.

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing?”

“I- I’m sorry! I just don’t see any ham-”

“My son,” The Hammer exclaimed, exhasperated. “Have you ever seen The Hammer in your life?”

“No, sir, no, apparently not. Sorry. I’m just a waiter.”

“Your- hah, your job is to wait?!” it sneered.

“Yes.”

“Well I’m getting real tired of waiting. I’m sure they are too.”

“Who- for what?”

“The twelfth encore! We’re backstage, and you just came from the stage for the eleventh time. I’ve been counting—The Hammer is rather intelligent, but you wouldn’t know.”

“I- What am I supposed to do back on the stage?”

“Beats me. I’m just The Hammer. Do your thing, the thing you said you do!”

“Wait?”

“Precisely!”

“But nobody wants to watch-”

“Quit your blabbering and put The Hammer back on The Table.”

“’Ello,” The Table muttered.

Startled, The Waiter kicked the table, making a loud clatter, threw all the tools off of it, and went back through the scarlet veil of the curtain holding naught but a single screw.

The audience roared as The Waiter waited. For the twelfth time. Cluelessly.

#blog #writing #short story #flash fiction

[amalgamgooze]

You Can't Not Do Everything

"I woke up one morning and saw everything staring back down at me. Bored, I went back to sleep."

=====================

And after I've fallen to the bottom of this pit (again),

After I've endured sorrowful eternities,

After you watched me be cast aside like the garbage I am,

You have the gall to tell me "You can't not do everything".

But I'm already exhausted and dejected and benighted.

I don't have all the will I need to do everything anymore.

At this point, I've even questioned why I keep going other than to fulfill a dream that I don't think will be fulfilled any time soon.

But alas. I'm still here. Still lying defeated on my bedroom floor.

And everything still waits. Everything still threatens to destroy me.

Maybe all I need is some sleep. That should fix me right up.

#blog #rant #poem #rant poetry #despair #desperate #writing #poetry #short poetry #life goals #original poetry #original poem #vent post

[amalgamgooze]

word count

In the past, to me, the phrase "word count" has been something scary, frightening, and, quite frankly, antagonistic.

This book being assigned to you has this many words.

Your essay must have this many words but not too many words.

Et cetera. (Mostly cause I can't think of more examples off the top of my head.)

Nowadays, though "word count" can still feel oppressive, sometimes still in the old ways, and sometimes with a limit to how much detail I can go into with a short story, I'm finding the phrase "word count" to be something more empowering.

Especially because I've started writing more.

Now, I've always kept journals of various sorts, but I think that journal writing, even if it does contain poetry and such, is still pretty distinct from the type of writing that gets shared. Mostly due to private topics. Nonetheless, I've been writing forever, but only in the past years have I really taken up writing as a hobby rather than just writing for journaling.

I do feel like I'm improving. Again, I've got goals for my writing, so keeping these blogs is just a nice way to force myself to practice writing regularly until I've got more time to focus on my goals. (Right now, I'm at ~60 almost-daily posts! Woo-hoo!) Though my writing is far from perfect, I do feel like I'm starting to master my wording of phrases and such, as well as developing my own "writing style".

The best part is that my blogs are ongoing projects I'm proud of and happy to maintain. While I might hate not knowing what to write about and feeling uninspired, I do also realize that fighting through a creative drought, no matter how small, is still an important skill to develop and practice. (Though I think that it still mostly boils down to some form of resilience--the courage to bear with a task even if it feels impossible.)

Which brings me back to the topic of "word count". Now, I've got no way to conveniently check how many words I've typed so far, but I know for sure that it's growing substantially every time I write a post. I know that counting words isn't the be-all end-all of judging how skilled a writer is (in fact, far from it!). Nonetheless, before I started these blogs, I was haunted by a feeling that I was getting nowhere with my more creative pursuits since I didn't really practice them daily.

Now that I've got blogs that almost force me to write daily, I know that I'm improving a little bit each day I publish something!

...and the word count goes up too, I suppose!

#blog #writers on tumblr #writing process #creative writing #writing #writeblr #writers block #inspiration #word count #on writing #writer #writerscommunity #self improvement

[amalgamgooze]

Plantkiller.

I am a monster. I try really hard not to be, but I am one anyway.

I want to grow herbs and other cool plants to make tea with.

Every year I buy a bunch of seeds and try to grow them.

Every year all of my plants die, wilting, rotting, or getting infested.

This year will be no different.

I'm going to plant some plants hopeful they'll survive this time but alas, I'm no good at keeping the young plants alive.

#blog #writing #poetry #my poem #my poetry #poetblr #gardening #garden #plants #spring #poem #original poetry #original poem #home garden #herbs #tea

[amalgamgooze]

Mediocrity.

So I've finally "committed" to Engineering - Undecided.

Because I've always been destined for great things, engineering is a nice place to end up.

With all the other kids who were always destined for great things.

...

And we'll all study hard and score well on our exams and do well at our internships and all that fun stuff.

Then we'll get nice, well-paying jobs in the engineering industry.

With all the other engineers.

Who have also all been destined for greatness.

...

We'll work hard and make great products.

And at the end of our days, once we've drawn our final breaths, what are we remembered for?

...

"They were a great engineer, like all the rest."

And that's it? That's "greatness?" The stuff I've been destined for? The stuff I've bled and cried for? The stuff that I once considered leaving behind and forfeiting everything I'd worked for up to that point because nothing seemed to be working out anymore? This? Being "just like everyone else"? Being, well, "mediocre"?

...

But this is "the promised land" for us fortunate enough to even begin down this path.

It's what we'll work for to make the world a better place one invention at a time.

I guess.

...

But it'll just be, like, elementary school science demonstration level stuff.

Typing shit into spreadsheets and all that fun jazz.

And I'll've earned the right to make bank from filling tables through my degree.

And I'm supposed to think that that'll be fulfilling.

...

I don't know yet. I haven't tried 'explicit' engineering yet, but when I tried real science last summer, it was so lackluster and unfulfilling.

And I've taken my real science to real science fairs for real science and presented on the work and they hand me my ribbons and I'm supposed to feel fulfilled for doing what I was told to do.

On the other hand, however, getting applauded for my outstanding presentations does stoke my ego quite a bit.

...

I suppose I'll see this (degree) through to the end. ... And yeah. Putting line breaks wherever I want makes this shit a poem.

#blog #poetry #my poem #writing #rant #personal rant #poetblr #original poetry #original poem #pretentious #engineering #education #college #mediocrity #fear #poem

[amalgamgooze]

the dog at the pinball place

It took us way too long to figure out how we wanted to hang out with each other.

You finally recommended pinball.

I fucking love pinball.

I can name like some of the best machines from a Wii game I had like Pin-Bot and Funhouse and Taxi and all the others.

You had no idea that I fucking loved pinball. But you still suggested it anyway. And you don't like pinball?

Anyway, I would have never driven out to the weird hillside pinball place had you not been with me.

We got there and paid the guy 12 bucks each for an hour of gameplay. He called you my girlfriend which was super awkward for all of us.

We played pinball and skee-ball and whatever arcade games they had too

When it was time to go we were about to leave when he told us to "check out the games downstairs"

And so we did.

Downstairs, we saw Jive Time, a favorite of my mother's from the Wii game

And you also found a dog that you (at first) thought was a kid from school.

It was funny.

When we came back up the steps, however, we learned that there were two dogs at this pinball place.

And this dog stared me in the eyes lifted its leg and started fucking pissing on the stairs.

...

I rate the pinball place four stars out of five. After all, they had an excellent collection.

#blog #poetry #poem #original poetry #original poem #poetblr #dog #pinball #arcade #arcade gaming #bizarre #poems

[amalgamgooze]

Committed.

It felt like I'd never land on anything. It felt like I'd always be stuck going back and forth on which school to attend next year.

I don't fully know why I finally decided on the one I picked.

They've got massive support programs for students like me, as well as an emphasis on both the arts and the sciences.

I suppose that's enough justification, then.

It's hard to imagine that just four months ago I had no idea where I'd be spending the next four years.

But now... here I am. Waiting out the rest of senior year and anticipating the uncertain certain future.

How quickly times change.

... and I'm also kind of waiting for a letter I sent to myself in Animal Crossing.

#blog #poetry #original poetry #poem #writing #original poem #poetblr #my poem #my poetry #poetry on tumblr #senior in high school #senior year #high school #college #collegebound

[amalgamgooze]

Snow Turns To Rain

And to imagine that the clarity would be permanent, well, that'd just be foolish of me. As with everything, the clarity decays back into muddle.

But there is still hope, as I believe the clarity will come back soon and more frequently.

I can't explain why. It just feels like it might. The same way it feels like it might rain soon.

Plus, if this clarity-muddle stuff is cyclical, well then! I'll be able to exploit the benefits of both at a regular rate!

#blog #writing #poetry #poem #original poem #original poetry #poetblr #my poem #my poetry #poets on tumblr #short poetry #personal

[amalgamgooze]

And Now... The Future

The day that felt like it'd never come has finally come and passed. …now what?

Part of me didn't think we'd get this far.

…is this the real future? I mean, it has to be, because I feel more clear now and the "big thing" has passed.

For a brief, fleeting moment, I lived in the true present. And now? It's the future.

I'm no longer living in the past drowning in my regrets. Now, I'm instead living in the future anxiously anticipating what's next.

It's not a wholly bad kind of anxious, either. It's more like an excited anxious. I'm excited to see what the future holds! I'm excited for what's to come!

…but all the friends I've worked to make, I'll be leaving them all too soon. We tell each other that we'll keep in touch through college, but the veracity of those claims is debatable.

Maybe I'll feel even more confident once I get to college. Maybe I'll find a group of colleagues that love the same sorts of things I do.

…and even if I don't, that's okay. After all, in a weird sort of way,

I'm kind of excited about having to make new friends all over again.

#blog #poetry #college #friendship #future #waiting #narrative #poem #original poem

[amalgamgooze]

clouds and the eclipse

My family and I woke up early and left our house at 6 to start driving up to where we’d planned to watch the eclipse. We’d known the general area we wanted to watch it from for the past seven years, but we didn’t have a specific location picked out until just this past weekend. The drive itself wasn’t too bad from what I gathered—it didn’t seem like there was much traffic yet.

When we’d arrived at the park we’d decided on, the dreary sky offered, not hope, but rain. Lots of rain on and off throughout the morning. The rain started to clear up around noon, but the obscured sky offered no suggestion of a visible eclipse.

Nonetheless, we continued waiting, my own gaze fixed towards the sky, surveying it for any possible openings in the clouds. Several times that day did I refresh the Weather Channel’s website to look at the cloud radar and extrapolate any encouraging forecast for the sky. The sky of a city one state over apparently cleared up quite nicely, but otherwise there was no evidence to suggest that our own view of the eclipse wouldn’t be obscured.

Lunch was had, consisting of sandwiches and handfuls of grapes. It was, to put it simply, mediocre. There’s nothing wrong with a mediocre lunch, though, especially compared against a ‘bad’ or ‘disgusting’ lunch.

After lunch, I’d gone down to the park’s beach (we’d been situated in the parking lot all morning) with my mother to look out over the water. There wasn’t any immediate hope garnered by the still-cloudy sky, though from how much brighter the landscape had become, it could be assumed the clouds were at the very least becoming thinner. There were moments when the sun’s outline was visible through the clouds, though those moments never lasted too long.

With an imminent eclipse and a still-cloudy sky looming above, I distracted myself by skipping stones across the lake. Unfortunately, excited children hindered this act, as they were too busy sprinting in front of me. Either they were oblivious to the fact I was chucking stones into the water, or they wanted said stones to collide with them instead of skidding across the water’s surface.

By some miraculous stroke of luck, the clouds had parted perfectly just as the eclipse was beginning so that the sun was visible and bright enough to make shadows. We hurried back up to the parking lot (the beach was far too busy for it to be a great place to watch the eclipse), set up our chairs, and gazed up at the sun as the final wait began. (with solar film glasses, of course!)

As the moon slowly concealed the sun, I shivered in my seat as the air around us grew colder. I didn’t realize eclipses had the potential to affect temperature as much as they do! In that final hour, it felt as if the world was collectively holding its breath in anticipation of the total eclipse.

As the winds grew frore and a hush fell over the woods, as we sat there, gazes fixed on the sun, and the moon’s grand adventure, As the seven-year wait finally drew to a close and we put the troubles of the past behind us, as we watched in (almost) perfect silence until the sun was but a narrow sliver, And, at long last, the world quickly darkened, the sun finally fully concealed behind the moon.

A moment of clarity. A moment of unprecedented awe and spectacle. We might regret our pasts and fear our futures but right now in this moment we stare at the moon-darkened sky and admire its beauty. The solar eclipse is brief, fleeting, and rare, which only makes it all the more special. Under totality, we cried in each others arms. My tears were of triumph, of a promise finally fulfilled, through the clouds and through the years, and of the phenomenon’s beauty, the gracefully obscured sun’s glorious ring around the moon. … And, as quicky as it had left, the harsh glare of the sun returned and the world became brighter once again as totality concluded. It was over. Just like that.

The eclipse, so brief and so fleeting. And yet, it feels as if it was just the right amount of time to appreciate it without being excessive. It’s incredible how the placement of the sun and the moon compared to the earth line up such that we get beautiful phenomena like this.

...now what? I’m left looking to the future, without any dates set anymore further than a few months out from today.

But my head feels clearer, as if from some arcane solar-lunar divination of the eclipse. I feel unusually focused and empowered. I don’t know how long the clarity will stick around for, but I’m going to enjoy it while I can.

…

I hope you all too got to get out and enjoy the eclipse. There’s always a few eclipses around the world going on (a few every year), but that was the last one near where I’m situated now for a while. I might never get to see another one. Honestly, though, I think I’m okay with that. Eclipses probably aren't as life-changing the second time, but, then again, I might have new people in my life by the time the next one rolls around to share the moment with.

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