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taetaespeaches · 4 years

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“Wait, I’m nervous.”

taehyung x reader (or oc) genre: fluff word count: 1.9K

a/n: Ok, lovelies, here is just pure wholesome fluff with Tae and Peaches. They are in their own little world again, of course, and they are just feeling real in love at this point lol. Very loosely based on ‘invisible string’ by taylor swift. I hope you all enjoy and thanks for reading! :))

p.s. if you want the playlist Tae makes in this, here you are.

HIS hands were gorgeous as he dragged the pen across the page, etching lines to form an abstract piece straight from his vibrant mind to the drawing pad. The diner, one you were well acquainted with, was relatively empty, only a few other patrons besides you and your boyfriend as you awaited your best friends’ arrival.

Jimin and his girlfriend were unsurprisingly late, and as you waited, Taehyung suddenly stopped drawing, reaching for his phone that was attached to a set of earbuds from his pocket. Holding the left bud out to you, he positioned the right one into his ear.

“I made you a playlist,” he smiled softly, a tinge of bashfulness evident in his features. Your lips curving up happily, you eagerly put the earbud into place.

“Show me,” you told him in excitement, Taehyung chuckling as he started the first song, ‘Make Out in My Car’ by Moses Sumney and Sufjan Stevens. Your boyfriend leaned over to you, leaving a sweet kiss to your shoulder before sitting back upright, returning to the drawing pad.

As you took in the lyrics, Taehyung continued sketching the simple but interesting image, you watching ever stroke of the ink. The lyrics entering your mind reminded you of the shift in yours and Taehyung’s relationship, as you skirted the lines of friendship and romance, fighting yourselves, trying not to fall in love with each other despite desperately wanting to love one another fully.

I’m not trying to go to bed with you

I just wanna make out in my car

And though I’m dying to fall in love with you

I just wanna make out in my car.

Despite the public setting, as you sat with your boyfriend listening to the music only you two could hear, it felt as though you and Taehyung were sitting in a moment of time separate from reality, isolated from the other patrons and kitchen staff. A space that was made for you.

When Taehyung entered your life, he came unannounced, all his youthful vibrancy interrupting your daily routine and changing everything forever. He was eccentric, radiating an array of colors that everyone saw, and you fell in love with them easily. If someone were to ask you what your favorite color was, you’d reply with whatever color is shining from him today. The inner-child within Taehyung inspired you, reminding you of the little girl inside yourself.

As the days turned into weeks, building up to months and accumulating into years, Taehyung was still by your side. You’d watched each other grow up, make mistakes, achieve goals. It’s not that Taehyung completed you, or you him, but life, within your little world, just seemed a little less worth living without him in it.

The song ending, Frank Ocean’s version of ‘Moon River’ started playing, you resting your head on Tae’s shoulder as you allowed the music to penetrate your heart.

My dream maker, my heartbreaker

Wherever you’re goin’, I’m goin’ the same.

How true that was. The man beside you was the one person who could both make your dreams come true, but held all the power to shatter your heart, but regardless, you were going with him wherever he went.

The song had a slow fade out, providing a nice transition into the next tune, ‘Early’ by Joy Crookes and Jafaris. The lyrics portrayed a relationship that is either doomed or is meant to be and meant to last. Much like how you and Taehyung viewed your relationship. The fear of failing as a unit plagued you for years until you and Taehyung mutually decided to take the risk.

I’m crossing borders of this friendship

You’re turning water into wine

I can’t believe it

Because, what if it works? You recalled asking him that very questioning, both of you choosing to throw caution into the wind, telling yourselves you were destined. You were either going to last forever, or it was going to crumble in front of your eyes, and you were both still aware of the risk that came with giving into your feelings. But you both decided it was worth the risk. He was worth it.

My ride or die

And I cross my heart

This is where we start when you walk my way

Left the baggage on the floor

You want us and we want more

Don’t you know I open door when you walk my way?

Lifting your head from Taehyung’s shoulder, his eyes drifted from the sketch to you, you smiling softly, matching his fond grin. “Is it ok?” He asked.

“The drawing or the playlist?” You asked, bringing your hand to his face to stroke his cheek with your knuckles.

“Uh,” he looked at the drawing for a split second before lifting his eyes to you again. “Both.”

“Both are great, baby,” you complimented. “You know what you’re doing,” you grinned, Taehyung chuckling.

“With the playlist?” He asked knowingly, both of you understanding the storyline of the songs he chose. You nodded, leaning toward Taehyung, the man dropping his head to gently rest his forehead against yours. “I can’t believe it,” he sang along with the song, moving his head a little bit to go along with the groove, you giggling at the cute action.

“Out of all the places I could have been that day,” you commented, Taehyung’s eyebrows raising as he pulled back a bit to allow his eyes to travel your face. ��We could have so easily missed each other.”

“That’s crazy to think about,” he let out a breathy chuckle, his eyes falling to your hand that was resting atop his thigh. “I mean, I guess everyone we come across happens by chance, but not everyone ends up meaning so much,” he noted thoughtfully, you smiling at the comment.

As the song came to an end, Bruno Major’s ‘Easily’ starting, Taehyung wrapped his hand gently around your wrist. “If either of us had been walking by there just a few minutes, or maybe even seconds later or earlier, we would have missed each other completely,” your boyfriend realized, setting your hand on the tabletop.

Coming and going

Inside out and back to front

Oh, tangled and messy

That’s how we’ve always been and we’ll always be

And that’s alright with me

Just because it won’t come easily

Doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try.

The song added to the story line, bringing you back to the fights and the jealousy, the falling out and ignoring each other, only to always end up back together. You couldn’t quit each other, and you didn’t want to. Taehyung was the easiest yet most complicated relationship you’d ever had, and he probably always would be.

Bringing the pen to your skin, you watched as Taehyung drew a little heart on the inner edge of your wrist. “You’re cute,” you smiled, Taehyung flashing you his stunning boxy beam. The smile you’d never tire of seeing.

“Don’t look,” he told you as he prepared to add to his drawing. “I mean it,” he smiled wider, you mimicking the expression as you covered your eyes with your free hand.

Anticipating the touch of the pen against your skin, you spread your fingers apart, finding a glaring Taehyung staring at you through the slits between your digits.

“No peeking,” he whined with a giggle, you chuckling as you apologized.

“Ok, I’m sorry, I won’t peek, do your thing,” you told him recovering your eyes.

“I knew you’d do that,” he complained as the pen touched your wrist, moving over your veins.

“I promise I won’t again,” you giggled, Tae letting out a huff of feigned frustration. When ‘Easily’ ended, Ella Fitzgerald’s voice soothed through the earbud, singing ‘In A Sentimental Mood’. Your lips formed into a soft smile at the song, swaying your body gently as Taehyung completed his work on your arm.

“You can look now,” he told you, you tentatively pulling your hand from your face, looking into Tae’s warm brown orbs.

“Yeah?” You asked, not wanting to jump the gun and ruin his surprise. The man immediately turned your hand over so your wrist was against the table, you frowning at him.

“Wait,” he smiled bashfully, “I’m nervous.”

“Nervous?” You asked in surprise, smiling at him. “Why? What did you draw on me?”

Taehyung giggled cutely, his eyes shaped in crescents, his smile wide and boyish, the man looking adorable as ever. “Nothing,” he said with the innocence only your boyfriend could convey.

“Why are you nervous, Dearest?” You asked again, nearly cooing at how cute he was. Just as you were preparing to turn your wrist over, a knock on the outside of the window next to your booth startled you both, you and Taehyung jumping as your eyes darted to the noise, spotting your best friend standing with Jimin as they waved dorkily at you.

“Jesus,” you huffed, clutching your racing heart, Taehyung immediately letting out a noise of complaint. “I forgot they were even coming,” you commented, Tae letting out a low chuckle at the comment.

The surprise intrusion made you forget the ink on your wrist for a moment until you re-registered the song humming in your ear.

Rose petals seem to fall

It’s all I could dream to call you mine

My heart’s a lighter thing

Since you made this night a thing divine

The lyrics resonated so deeply with how you felt toward Taehyung, you found yourself rotating your arm to view the addition on your wrist, the air leaving your lungs for a moment as your heart skipped a beat, then pounding several times quickly to catch up.

Next to the heart he drew were the words, I’m in love with you.

Taehyung’s lips appeared near your ear, their soft plumpness just barely grazing your skin. “It’s true, Peaches,” he told you, making you turn to face him as Ella Fitzgerald continued to sing to you both, the song coming to a close.

In a sentimental mood

I’m within a world so heavenly

For I never dreamt that you’d

Be loving sentimental me.

Leaning toward Taehyung, you kissed him with intent and passion and love. So much love. It wasn’t the first time he had told you he loved you, or you him, but it was the first I’m in love with you, and it was definitely the first since the terms of your relationship had changed. You were both very careful in skirting around the word “love” since you crossed the line of friendship.

Your hands were on both sides of his face, his gripping your wrists as his thumb brushed over the confession he scribbled on your skin.

“I’m in love with you,” you mumbled against his lips. “I’m so in love with you,” you told him again before falling back into the kiss, though Tae’s widening smile, which caused you to smile, made the kiss a bit harder to maintain.

“Jeez, you two, we’re in a public restaurant,” your friend suddenly spoke as she scooted into the booth, Jimin following behind her. Separating from Tae, you rested the top of your head against his chin, your boyfriend wrapping his arms around your body, holding you to him as he placed a kiss to your hair.

“Whatever, we’re in love,” Taehyung dismissed the girl, Jimin smiling widely at the scene.

In love. You were. And you couldn’t help but be beyond thankful that you decided to take the leap of faith with Taehyung. Because in that moment, it was absolutely the right decision. You were meant to find Tae, and love him with all of you. Your paths weren’t simply meant to cross. They were meant to meet and become one. You had no doubts. And you were in love.

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themysteriousphoenix · 3 years

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What We Don't Know is an Ocean

With a gesture of his hand, Newt invited Tina to join him on the wide lip of the stone wall. They were nestled deep in the basement menagerie and, after completing feeding rounds, they were alone and the creatures were beginning to settle in for the night. Tina knew it was getting late, but she didn’t want to go up to bed just yet. This thing with Newt was tentative and new, and if she was being honest with herself, she wanted to explore it. To see where it could lead.

With a self-conscious grin, Tina sat next to him, leaving just a few inches between them. Glancing sideways, she could see that Newt had noticed her proximity, there was a light dusting of color spreading over his cheeks and the corners of his lips had lifted into a small smile as he lifted his mug of tea to his lips. She wondered once more why they danced around each other, why, after almost two weeks, nothing more had been said about their letters, their apparent appreciation for each other, their awkward confessions and realizations discovered in the depths of the French Ministry.

After years of distrust, rejection, and isolation, neither Newt nor Tina could quite believe that their feelings were not only appreciated but returned. It was completely new for both of them, and, Tina realized, they had no idea what to do next. As several seconds passed, she began to laugh softly. She gripped the warm ceramic tea mug in her hands, knowing that she was giving herself away. She needed to say something, though. It was time.

“What is it?” Newt asked, turning his head to watch her. She met his eyes, their curious, green depths so close to her own.

“Us,” Tina said, simply. She looked out over the expanse of the habitat in front of them. She had noticed that it was his favorite and that he tended to come here often after feeding rounds to drink his cup of tea. She looked back at him, a little nervousness creeping into her voice. “This is so awkward and it doesn’t need to be. We are being silly.”

“Oh,” Newt replied, a look of hurt flashing across his face as he slowly looked down at the nearly empty cup that he had rested on his knee, “I, um...I have heard that before. I’m so sorry, Tina…”

“No! No, not...not you,” she explained, one hand lifting to softly rest on his shoulder, “Us.” He glanced at her, the fringe hanging over his forehead was allowing him to hide from her. She didn’t like that. He didn’t need to hide from her, not ever. “You like me…”

“Yes.” A whisper.

“And I like you.” Newt looked at her squarely, his hopeful expression reminiscent of the one she had seen briefly two weeks ago when they had last spoken of their feelings. “I just...I don’t know what to do next. I’ve never done any of this before.” Tina’s voice trailed off as her nerves took over her brief surge of boldness. “I just needed you to know. You don’t have to be unsure.”

Newt smiled timidly as he replied. “I am not very experienced either. I haven’t...I hoped that you would, that is to say…” He took a deep breath, then turned to set his mug on the wall behind him. He turned toward Tina again and took one of her hands in his own. His hand was warm and solid, the work-worn skin a contrast to her own. “Sorry. I want this...us...if you do. I just don’t want to mess it up.” He glanced down at their hands, his thumb whispering lightly over the skin on the back of her hand. “I know I’m not, you know…..very-”

“You’re wonderful,” Tina interrupted. She knew where his thoughts were going. The world had been just as unkind to Newt as it had been to her. He smiled and looked down, shaking his head. She squeezed his hand gently before emphasizing once more. “You are. We may not have spent all that much time together yet, but I know that you are one of the most interesting and kind people I have ever met.”

“Thank you, Tina.” Newt’s gaze traveled up to her own once more. He was still smiling. “I do want to do all of this right. I’m honestly not quite sure how to pursue someone who already knows that I am, well, very keen on them.” He chuckled lightly, leaning toward her slightly.

“You have done well so far.”

“Oh,” he blushed as he looked down to where his fingers were still brushing lightly over the back of her hand, “um, thank you.”

There was a pause in their conversation. Both looked out over the expanse of green land before them while Tina sipped at her tea. Setting it down beside her, she turned to look at Newt with determination.

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

“What? I don’t…” Newt looked at Tina, his puzzlement evident in the way he turned his head and the lowering of his brows.

“About you,” Tina said, clarifying. “Tell me something I don’t know about you.”

“Oh. Um, okay. What would you like to know?” Newt seemed confused by the request and Tina realized that he had probably not come across someone who wanted to know about him before. At least not in quite a while.

“I just want to know you better.” Tina felt a little foolish, like she was playing a game, but she was determined to push this thing between them, whatever it was, forward. They had both admitted to being attracted to each other, they had spent months writing and pining after each other. Now they had the opportunity to talk and she didn’t want to waste the time they had, however long it might be. “I figured we know most of the big things about each other, but I want… I don’t know. I guess I want to know you. Does that make sense?” Tina felt her face flush with heat and she looked down, purposefully looking away from Newt. She felt him squeeze her hand lightly where it still rested between them.

“It does.” She looked up at him and found him smiling at her. “But only if you tell me about you as well.”

“Okay.” Tina linked her fingers through his where their hands rested on the cool stone between them. Newt’s smile widened as he watched her.

“I’m not sure where to begin…”

Tina looked out at the expanse before them. “Um….alright. How about this?” Tina asked as she pointed straight ahead. “Why do you like this spot so much? You spend a lot of time here.”

“Oh. It’s designed to look like my parent’s pastureland back home. It’s where I grew up, or….at least it’s supposed to look that way.”

Tina’s eyes widened slightly. “It’s beautiful.”

“It is,” he replied. “I loved growing up there. It was peaceful. Plenty of room to explore and hunt for creatures.” Tina watched as he looked ahead at the green pastureland and then back toward her. “There were some sparse woodland areas and we were close to the sea. It had a little bit of everything.”

“It sounds like a wonderful place to grow up.”

“It was. I had a very quiet childhood, which was very nice in some respects. It was a bit more interesting when Theseus would come home for the summer holiday, but...I spent most of my time just running around the countryside.”

Tina smiled and her heart warmed as she thought of a young Newt exploring the beaches and trees, looking for small creatures to study and nurse back to health. She could imagine hippogriffs flying above him, grazing, playing. It was a childhood that was very different from her own, though, she realized, probably a great deal more lonesome.

“Your turn,” Newt said, pulling Tina from her thoughts.

“Um…” Tina thought for a moment before deciding what she would share. “I don’t miss New York, but I miss my apartment.”

“Just your apartment?” Newt asked, surprised.

“Yeah. I like the city, but I think a city is a city. I liked Paris and I like London for many of the same reasons I liked New York. It wasn’t the city itself that made it feel like home, it was where I lived.” Newt nodded as he listened, realization crossing his features. “That apartment is where I made memories. It was home.”

“Will you go back if you are given the choice?” Tina could hear the nervousness in Newt’s voice as he asked, and she realized that there was hidden meaning in the question. She had been thinking about her answer for days.

“I don’t know,” she replied. “Not yet. There’s nothing for me there right now.”

“Except your apartment,” Newt quipped. Tina smiled.

“Except the apartment.” A beat passed before she continued. “I’ll probably have to give it up now. There’s no reason I should be paying for two places to live. I’ll have to find a place to live here while I work with your brother.”

“We’ll find you a flat, it shouldn’t take long.” Tina felt Newt slide his thumb along the heel of her palm, the work-worn skin a contrast to her own.

Tina smiled as she looked up into Newt’s eyes, they were far more relaxed now that they had been talking for a while. As if he knew what she was thinking, his green eyes flicked down to meet hers and the corners of his mouth rose in a small, acknowledging smile. “Your turn.”

“I don’t like apples.”

“How do you not like apples?” Tina asked with a laugh.

Newt shrugged, “I don’t know. I’ll eat them if it’s all that is available, and I like them in pies, but raw apples are just...they are grainy. I don’t like them.”

“Ahh.” Tina smiled. “Well, I hate peas. Always have.”

“Good to know,” Newt said with a chuckle.

“They’re mushy and very...green.” Tina scrunched her face, a look which, though intended to be silly, caught Newt off-guard. It was very cute, and he couldn’t help but smile at her look of mock displeasure.

“Hmm...my turn.” Newt thought for a moment and then smiled as he thought of something. “I have, surprisingly, only broken three bones in my lifetime.” Tina raised an eyebrow in surprise but didn’t speak, inviting Newt to continue. “I fell out of a tree when I was six and shattered a bone in my arm. My mother fixed it, of course, but I required Skelegrow because she couldn’t get it to set correctly.” Newt shuddered absently, “I can still feel it when I think about it. It was a terrible experience. Breaking bones is actually a great fear of mine now.”

“What were the other two?” Tina asked, turning to face him and closing much of the distance that remained between them.

“Um, the second was during the War. I was training a dragon, working from a broom, and she got me with her tail. I was lucky that I only broke a rib that time. I had a wicked concussion, but that was the extent of it.” Newt smiled, amused, and said “The third was about a year ago, just before I met you. I was in Congo and observing a Tebo from a distance, but I missed another that had snuck up behind me, invisible. Naturally, it came after me.”

“Naturally…” Tina remarked.

“Got me in the shoulder before I was able to grab my wand and apparate out of there. I was able to heal my arm myself, thankfully. It wasn’t a bad break. More of an inconvenience because the herd of Tebo all disappeared and I wasn’t able to find them again.”

Of course, Newt would be more concerned about not observing creatures than a broken bone, Tina thought with a grin. She shook her head at him with a smirk. He shrugged in response, reading the expression on her face, and both began to giggle softly.

“What was your favorite place you saw on your travels?” Tina asked, but Newt put up a single finger to stop her.

“Ahh, not yet. You first. It’s your turn.”

“Oh, um…” Tina thought for a moment. “I don’t know how to swim.”

“Truly?” Newt asked in surprise.

“Nope,” Tina responded. “My Papa always wanted to teach me, but he never got the chance. From then on, it just wasn’t important. I never learned.”

Newt looked down at her, his eyes showing understanding and empathy, not pity as she had expected. She was grateful for that, and that he didn’t linger on the subject of her parents.

“America.”

“What?” Tina asked, confused.

“My favorite place I went on my travels. America.”

“Oh…”

“You see,” Newt said softly, “I think New Zealand and Morocco are beautiful, the history of China was fascinating, and nothing could beat the food in Thailand…” Newt turned his head so that he faced her fully, his face inches from her own, “but the ten days I spent in New York were the best ten days of my entire trip.” His eyes were watching her, steady and unfaltering.

Tina felt her cheeks flush in realization as he finished his statement. Newt, though he seemed a man of few words at first, was bold when he wanted to be. She knew what he was trying to say, and she smiled widely at the implication. “Well,” she said softly, matching his tone, “I must admit that I enjoyed your stay in New York far more than I ever thought possible.”

Blinking slowly, Newt grinned at her words. These moments were new between them, and each time they openly spoke of their budding relationship he felt something in his chest flutter. If he wasn’t so aware of the anatomy of the human body, he would say that his heart was jumping for joy. The analogy he had read so many times finally made sense, though. It did feel that way, it seemed.

Reaching up with his free hand, Newt cupped Tina’s cheek and swiped his thumb along her jaw lightly. “You’re beautiful, Tina.”

They were very close together now. Closer than they had been in this context, and Tina could feel his breath on her cheek. “It’s not your turn,” she whispered.

Newt chuckled softly, his fingers pushing her hair back and away from her face. “That’s not a secret. It doesn’t count. You should know that already.” Tina smiled widely, and she felt her cheeks flush. It wasn’t often that she received compliments like that, and she could tell that Newt wasn’t just saying the words because that was what he was supposed to say. No man who compared her eyes to the eyes of a salamander cared about what society deemed a compliment of necessity. She knew that he meant it, and that made her feel more cared for than she had ever felt.

She lifted her free hand up and looped it lightly over his shoulder. Her fingers danced along the seam of his shirt as she contemplated her next move. She wanted this. Him. Her head told her that things were too complicated right now and that they should be moving more slowly, but her heart was done waiting. They had told each other that they wanted to pursue this. Tina knew that he was just as attracted to her as she was to him. She watched her fingers on his shoulder for a moment as she decided, then in a moment of decision she ran her fingers further until her arm was wrapped around his neck, her fingertips brushing the soft hairs at his hairline.

Newt closed his eyes at the contact and Tina felt like her stomach was doing somersaults in her abdomen. “It’s my turn,” she said softly. Newt hummed in response, then opened his eyes to watch her. The look on his face was one she had not seen before. His eyes were steadily looking at her now, something that she knew he found hard to do, and she couldn’t tell if he was afraid, overjoyed, or excited. His eyes were bright in the low light and she squeezed his hand lightly. “I wanted you to kiss me when you left New York.”

There. It was out in the open now. Newt’s eyes closed again, but this time a grin stretched across his face. “And I wanted to kiss you,” he whispered, running his thumb along her cheek again, “I just couldn’t yet. Not until I knew…”

“I know.” Tina did know. She hadn’t approached the subject before he left because it had only been a few days. She didn’t know if it would be reciprocated, and she had been scared of rejection. Of scaring Newt away.

She felt him take a deep breath, shuddering slightly as he let it out slowly. He was nervous, tense, and she could see that he was just as tightly wound as she was right now. The fingers on the hand that held hers, now resting on his knee, interlaced with hers. “I still want to,” he stated. He looked at her, somewhat nervously, through the curls that fell across his forehead.

“I want you to.”

Her whispered phrase was all that it took. The nervous tension melted away slowly as Newt considered her. The hand on her cheek threaded through her hair and rested lightly on the back of her head. She mimicked his actions, running her fingers further into his own hair and leaning forward, ever so slightly. He leaned forward, their noses brushing as he paused for a moment to check that his advances were met with approval. Tina closed her eyes, the tip of her tongue darting out to lick her lips, and that was all he needed. He leaned in and Tina felt herself sinking into the kiss.

It wasn’t passionate or long, but it was perfect. Newt tilted his head and his lips slid across hers, the angle allowing them to be closer. Tina hummed lightly, involuntarily, at the contact and she felt Newt smile. With one last short kiss, Newt pulled away slowly. His eyes opened and Tina felt her face stretching into a happy smile.

“You are wonderful,” she said, running her fingers through his soft curls. “That was wonderful.”

“It was, wasn’t it?” Newt replied. “I think I’d like to do that again sometime if you would permit it.”

Tina laughed softly, grinning at him. “You can kiss me whenever you want to, you know.”

“Noted,” Newt said, his gaze darting from her eyes to her lips and back. He grinned, then slowly leaned in again.

Tina happily met him halfway.

#Newtina #newt x tina #newtinaweek2020 #newtina fanfiction #newt scamander #tina goldstein #fbawtft #fbatcog #post-cog #fluff #first kiss #ashley writes

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hilarieburtonmorgan · 3 years

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Ten Years Later, the One Tree Hill Cast Is Setting the Record Straight

Ten years after the finale of One Tree Hill, the actors Hilarie Burton Morgan, Sophia Bush, and Bethany Joy Lenz have never been closer. Despite their shared experience growing up on screen, the trio— who played Peyton Sawyer, Brooke Davis, and Haley James in the heartland-set high school soap for nine seasons—were kept largely isolated from one another during those years.

That distance began to dissipate with age, and when the #MeToo movement alerted the actors to some of their common experiences while working on One Tree Hill. In their new weekly iHeartRadio podcast Drama Queens, the three actors unpack the moments—nostalgic and traumatic alike—that unfolded behind the scenes of the wildly popular drama. To celebrate the podcast’s success, Burton Morgan, Bush, and Lenz joined us for a bit of reminiscing. —BRIAN ALESSANDRO

———

HILARIE BURTON MORGAN: Sophia, you were the person that called me about a podcast. What was the catalyst for you to be like, “It’s time”?

SOPHIA BUSH: When we first finished the show, I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to touch it. I didn’t want to be close to it. And then as time went on, and we all started being able to get together, and share stories, and talk some shit. We all finally told each other the stories we’d been afraid to share — I wish we’d been able to have the friendships we have now back then! — and hearing everyone’s stories really made me so furious. It lit that fire in me, and I thought “well, we just have to burn it down.” But, I also had to remember how much our fans love the show, and to realize that despite so much that was insidious we also had fun. We’ve shared stories about what was painful and hard, and I think especially because of what you were put through, I wanted to call you first and just say, like, “Does this idea feel triggering?” You said “No, this feels quite cool.”

BURTON MORGAN: What was your first reaction, Joy?

BETHANY JOY LENZ: I was definitely hesitant about more One Tree Hill anything. But the more we talked about it, I was like, “Wow, this is actually a chance for redemption.” Also, I don’t want to throw shade on the show that did give us amazing opportunities. I always try to temper my frustrations with a good bit of gratitude. But as for the bad stuff, I really do love the opportunity to redeem that. Some of it was us being young and stubborn twenty-year-olds, but a lot of it was the people around us who were using our youth and naïveté to keep us from arguing back. It was always, “Joy, you’re the odd man out. Sophia, you’re the odd man out. Hilarie, you’re the odd man out.” So we never reached out to each other. I’m incredibly grateful for the relationship I with you amazing women now.

BURTON MORGAN: I left the show first, and it was the divorce of my life, because I’d committed so much to being the good soldier. “I’ll do whatever press you want. I’ll go on whatever mall tour.” And so, the loss of that was traumatic. But the next relationship I got into professionally was with White Collar, and the best person I could have ever encountered was Tiffani Thiessen, who was an icon to me. She told me right out of the gate, “Don’t bad mouth the show that got you started. Defend your character, forget the bad guys, take what’s good.” That was such great advice. She was someone whose opinion meant something to me, because she’d been a teen idol of mine. Who were some women on TV that that you felt like we were trying to emulate while we were doing the show?

LENZ: I don’t think I ever really knew how to process it. I actually feel like I missed a lot of the excitement because I kept asking myself what it all meant.

BURTON MORGAN: I was the opposite! I like experience. But I made terrible choices.

BUSH: I’m with Joy. Now, I over intellectualize everything because back then, I was always soaking up all the experiences and I got my ass handed to me. So now I’m like, “What does it mean? What is it all?”

BURTON MORGAN: How many years out are we now? Like 17 years out from the first year?

LENZ: I don’t even know how to process that.

BURTON MORGAN: 18 years out? Jesus, we could have children in college at this point. Why do you think people still care?

LENZ: Comfort food. I mean, that’s it, like especially now that there’s so much content. I can only speak from my experience, but when I settle in to watch TV, I will spend 20 minutes scrolling before saying, “You know what, fuck it,” and turning on Frasier. And that’s what I watch because I know those characters, and I just want that familiarity. I honestly think the over-saturation has played a huge role in our fans’ need for One Tree Hill.

BUSH: And I would also say that there is something about how — as outlandish it got at times — there was also a lot that felt honest. People write to us about how they feel seen, how they feel represented, how they see their own struggles in our show. When I meet new people who are just discovering it and I think, “You could be watching anything! Why? Thank you?”

BURTON MORGAN: Honestly, having an older kid, and seeing the things that he’s drawn to, he loves watching TV shows from our era. Probably the same reason I loved watching Bewitched and I Dream of Jeannie and What’s Happening – it’s retro. They’re mystified by it because there’s no social media on our show and so people are actually talking to each other. You actually had to show up at Karen’s Cafe to have that important conversation. It’s a wish fulfillment for these younger kids where they’re like, “Oh, my life doesn’t look anything like that.” We are the time warp, which is super fucked up.

LENZ: And we were also the last show that was doing, dare I say, wholesome content? I mean I know our show, like, jumped the shark several times in many regards, but in terms of the“hometown kids, middle of America, just dealing with regular emotions and life stuff,” those shows became very rare. Everything that came after us was like rich kids—Gossip Girl and The OC, and then it was all brought to a high-concept place like the Vampire Diaries, Riverdale stuff. And I don’t know that there’s anything out there that’s kind of gotten back to the roots, like One Tree Hill.

BURTON MORGAN: Can you imagine pitching One Tree Hill now? Like, “it’s about some kids. Two of them play basketball, and the rest are just moody.”

BURTON MORGAN: What episodes are we all excited to review the most? Some of them are cringey as hell.

BUSH: I’m sure a lot of them will be.

BURTON MORGAN: I like the Halloween episode we did at Tric [the “all-ages” nightclub]. That was batshit. It was 1000 degrees in there and everyone was dying and miserable and we’re dressed up like cartoons.

LENZ: I know. The one with the car, where they made me fucking siphon off gas.

BURTON MORGAN: That was fun cause that was really the first time the three of us were put together.

BUSH: Having to pretend to be high on pills when I never had been, I was like, “I’ll try!” Hilarie, your wedding episode was…

BURTON MORGAN: Christ.

BUSH: That was such a shit show, man. You said the Halloween episode — you’ll cackle when you see we did a Halloween episode after you were gone. And I had to be dressed up as one half of A Clockwork Orange, but was abandoned in my costume, and I was written to be dressed as a giant orange and Carol (Cutshall, costumer) papier-mached a workout ball and drilled armholes in it, and I had to wear it. AND I directed that episode!

BURTON MORGAN: That’s perfect! That’s a chef’s kiss.

BUSH: I had little T-Rex arms, being like, “well, if you go over there” – And they’d say “Where?” And I’d be like, “I can’t show you! I’m stuck in an orange!” It was, it was so humiliating. But when I think back on it, great comedic fodder.

BURTON MORGAN: What is your favorite keepsake from the show?

LENZ: I have the Julius Caesar book that Haley gives to Lucas in the pilot.

BURTON MORGAN: I have the leather jacket that Peyton takes after Ellie [Sheryl Lee] dies. That was an intense crying scene for me. My body has a physical reaction to that jacket.

LENZ: What’s yours, Soph?

BUSH: I have, like, a bin.

BURTON MORGAN: You have everything!

BUSH: There’s like this sad episode where Brooke celebrates her birthday alone in her room with a cupcake. I have the photo album from that scene, which is very sweet because it’s all photos of you and I, Hilarie…

BURTON MORGAN: You have that?

BUSH: Oh yeah, I took that immediately. There are real pictures of us from growing up, because it was this story of these friends who grew up together…

BURTON MORGAN: Joy, we’re gonna photoshop you in.

BUSH: Honestly, we should just make a new one. Of all the stuff that feels sentimental, that “Brooke Davis for President” pin kills me. It’s up on the wall in my office, because it makes me laugh. When I think about why that’s the one thing I’ve displayed—next to a photo of the three of us— it’s because it symbolized something that at the time really embarrassed me, but now I respect. Brooke Davis took the thing she was made fun of for, and turned it into an anthem. She was this bad bitch who owned her shit. That’s something I’ve tried to emulate.

BURTON MORGAN: One thing that I keep thinking is, “we deserve this.”

LENZ: Because we do! It’s hard to say that as women, I think.

BURTON MORGAN: What makes you two feel like we deserve this?

LENZ: Because we’ve worked our asses off, and because it’s beautiful to experience friendship with each other in a way that we were robbed of in our younger days.

BURTON MORGAN: We were really good girls. I’m excited to set things straight.

#hilarie burton #sophia bush #bethany joy lenz #drama queens oth #one tree hill #interview #2021

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acedhigh · 3 years

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SIEGEMAS 2020 @dualrainbow starring: Marius Streicher, Dominic Brunsmeier, Monika Weiss, Elias Kötz. main blog: @elitejager note: hey to anyone who reads this, I haven’t written anything in forever and the only time I’ve ever written a fic was a request, so this is a first for me. as an Autistic person I wanted to touch on the topic a little (i.e how the world views us versus how we view others and express ourselves) and incorporate it into my prompt for this piece. Marius inspires me a lot, I know he’s a popular part of Team Rainbow so I hope you all like it & happy holidays ✌

07 December.

As an icy chill snaked its way down his nape, Marius was reminded of the changed season. Days, weeks even, inside the workroom (his 'safehaven' as he called it to himself), made time and weather and all things mundane merge together in one big negligible blur. The transition between October into November now early December had seemed so...rapid. "Getting lost in one's work" was nothing short of apropos for this revelation; Unfazed by the cold however, he merely rolled down his sleeves and resumed gazing intently at his go-to site for ordering parts - Hated the white background (far too garish) but it offered the best of the best, and a quicker delivery schedule. He'd need it. It wasn't unusual for him to spend great bouts of time in one place. Even less unusual to be knee-deep in a project or two. But it was when morning frost and Christmas music became part of everyday life to crudely round off the year, that Monika and Elias were particularly attentive to Marius and his propensity to isolate. He'd been like that as long as they could recall. It could be almost jarring at first - His quips that'd rub less-familiar colleagues the wrong way, the speed at which his social battery would fizzle out like an ember, and a subtle arrogance which stepped on many toes. In contrast to Marius' heated and bull-headed nature, even his enthusiasm and eagerness to share or contribute somehow seemed misplaced or perhaps just poorly timed; Boundaries were a struggle and frequently crossed line despite how many walls he put between himself and others. He was unpredictable to most. "Hard to decipher", as Monika once put it. She was the first out of the four to recognize he was on the spectrum, and it tugged at her heartstrings to watch him endure contempt in place of a little understanding - But she vowed to hold her tongue. She did not want to patronise or belittle someone as bold as Marius. After all, in many ways she considered him to rival herself academically, and that garnered much of her respect. He was capable, he didn't need her or anybody else to coddle him or worry. Monika did not worry about him at all in fact, until this time of year.

16 December.

Elias had a similar view. Never had he met someone so rigid in his performance, so disciplined, yet so antsy. Must be the whole chaos of creativity, he thought. He recounted several incidences where he tried his hand at entertaining Marius, to no avail. Like things just didn't connect with him or tickle him the way Elias could achieve with others. But that didn't mean they lacked a connection at all - They were close, but where other people stood Marius was always one step further away, by his own accord. It was clear from the get go that the engineer liked to do things his way and per his agenda. Elias would grant him the favour of “breathing room” because he knew that although Marius held people at arms' length, beneath that eccentric exterior there was a shining heart of gold that cared deeply about the people he would shoo out of his workroom. Today was no exception, apparently.

"Hey, Marius--" There he was, ensconced in something technical of course, and drenched in fluorescent white light.

"No!"

"Huh--"

"Don't-- You can't look. Just...I'm busy. And I'm discussing this prototype of mine with the head of BMVg, whatever it is, it can wait."

Oops, Elias. "This isn't for prying eyes, it's commission work. I'll humour you later."

"Ah, err, got it. No peeking. Just don't work yourself to death and I'll check back in tonight. See ya!"

Yeah, this wasn't uncommon he muses, as he's met with a cold hand gesture towards the door. Though Elias couldn't help but wonder if maybe Marius was pushing himself even harder as to not think about the holidays. Dominic's relationship with him was different. Not as warm to the touch. And certainly more volatile, when tension arose. A clash of unorthodox personalities. They were polar opposites in one way, but fiercely empathetic in others, because pariahs stick together even when grating on each others' nerves - It was their non-conformity that made them a good team no matter how unconventional (and potentially troublesome) the dynamics. He knew how it was to be alone like the back of his hand. Maybe that too is the reason for their kinship, once all strain dissipated. Even he occasionally considered how his comrade handled the isolation; Dominic relished it to a degree, a darker mind who co-existed with his demons. But he knew Marius and he frequently observed his drive to form relationships only for them to fall flat or worse because of that same old disconnect Elias talked about on occasion. Never brought it up verbally but nothing could ghost Dominic's perusal. "Damn. Rejected again," Elias jests as he spots Dominic taking a break from playing grease monkey on his bike - Cigarette routinely positioned in mouth and garage wide open so that snow had begun collecting on the entrance floor. This wing was probably his safehaven, too.

"You should leave him to it." Dominic takes a long drag before expelling two plumes from his nose.

"Yeah I know, I know. Just seems wrong to not try. I don't think he's going home for Christmas. Hasn't heard from his Uncle for a couple of years...Not sure why. Marius tells me that's nothing out of the ordinary. Still, doesn't hurt to remind him we're around."

"He knows we're around. If you and Monika make a fuss it'll probably backfire."

"You could be right. But hey, buzzing in somebody’s ear is better than letting them feel ignored. I wouldn't be half as fun if I wasn't annoying."

"...Are you sure 'fun' is the right word?" Dominic concealed his smirk behind another toke.

"Whaaatever. Have a good night Brunsmeier. And don't get too cold old man! I don't know how you have the place all opened up on days like this. I don't want to come back tomorrow morning and find you in cryostasis."

"Uhuh. Well, snow chains. Fitting new ones on the tires and have to put 'em to the test somehow. See you, Smartass."

23 December.

The air was cold and dry and it permeated indoors but the serenity of snow blanketing everything for miles upon miles outweighed the chill in his lungs. Even the sun couldn’t thaw the ice nor interfere with celebrants having their white Christmas. From the moment he'd woken up that morning he rushed to get stuck back into his work without so much as cranking up the radiators. No matter the climate, it wouldn't deter him from his endeavours, much like Winter itself. As he fine-tuned his latest creation Marius felt overcome with accomplishment and relief knowing he had the rest of the day to spare after hours of trial and error. Fingers weaved and arms raised he stretched up high, taking a moment to admire the fully customised apparatus begging to be used. Fishing his phone out of a denim pocket he checked the time and grabbed one of the gift boxes wrapped neatly with a lavender bow. Monika would always make a point of going home to celebrate with her family - he'd heard many stories about her mother's Sauerbraten - and was always the first to leave to ensure she'd catch her flight. Ergo, her turn came first. His soles crunched against the virgin snow as Marius made his way to the dormitories. He could've forgotten the clean scent of fresh air or the sheer brightness the day can bring after spending a majority of his time hunkered down at the workroom. Cutting it close, he was fortunate enough to cross paths with Monika, luggage in her wake while punching in a numberpass for the electronic gate. "Monika!" He called out, waving her down.

"Hm?" Immediately she turned on her heel - Perhaps he startled her, or it was the (pleasant) surprise of hearing that familiar voice in another place other than his station or dorm.

"Monika, I'm glad I could catch you. Here--" Offering the palm sized box it was clear to the both of them that neither knew exactly how to handle the situation without underlying befuddlement. "--Frohe Weihnachten." (Merry Christmas). Ah yes, he'd forgotten that part. He wasn't well-versed in the act of gift giving - not face to face, at least...

"Really? For me?"

"Of course it is. It's purple. I don't know anybody else's favourite colour."

"I'm a little speechless...! Thank you Marius, and Frohe Weihnachten. I got something for you too, so did Elias. You were too busy we didn't think to disturb you and thought we'd leave them on your desk. You're welcome to pick them up yourself beneath the tree Emmanuelle and Yumiko set up in the foyer." Something akin to a glorified 'Secret Santa' Harry suggested for Team Rainbow to build on their camaraderie but appealed little to Dominic.

"Oh, that was unnecessary, but I'm grateful. Then I'm obliged to thank you as well. I didn't expect anything - I just wanted to see what I could come up with. I hope you like it."

"No act of benevolence is unnecessary. I'm tempted to open this up right here and now, I'm very curious. I'm going to show restraint however and open it tomorrow. I'll shoot you a message afterwards, OK?" She unzipped her case and placed it delicately atop folded clothes. Whatever it was, it seemed fragile, and would need the padding. "You take care of yourself Marius. Tschüss!" She passed through the gate and left with a smile.

24 December.

With more confidence after yesterday's exchange next in line was either Elias or Dominic, whoever he bumped into first. Today was bitterly cold and much darker, grey clouds hanging overhead almost as thick as the snow. Still, it was welcomed by those who enjoyed the seasonal comforts of lounging around; Vastly preferable to these scorching Summers in recent years, to Marius' admittance. He could spy from beyond his work station window that Dominic had the garage locked up early and was now dumping fodder to feed one of his burn barrel fires. To Marius, this had grown synonymous with Winter, and was a good way to gauge the severity of the weather - Dominic explained to him that it became habit from his undercover days, and was a quick & easy disposal method of...well, anything that could burn. Which sounded vaguely ominous with the way he put it, and there was no doubt in his mind that it absolutely was ominous. But that was then. He would ponder though, what his fellow operative saw in those flames. If he thought of an array of things and memories like a haunting myriad or maybe he just saw nothing more than a warming fire and burning magazines. It was hardly worth asking either, because he was scarcely linear, and seemed to quietly take pleasure in keeping people on their toes. An enigma for sure. They both were. Joining Dominic's side he could feel heat from the fire and the barrel itself as it raged on between them.

"You've been out here a while?" "An hour, maybe less." "Can't be too good for you. It's cold & flu season. If you're going to see your nephews and nieces, that's not wise." "I've dealt with worse." "Yes, that's true, I'm sure your lungs appreciate your pack-a-day fitness ritual." "If I smoked a pack a day, BPOL would give me the chop faster than any bad habits could on my life expectancy. Besides, I can still outrun you. Did you come here to give me health advice or was there something else?" "I know you well enough to know that giving you advice often goes unheeded." Much to my dismay. "So no, however--" He presents the red giftbox to Dominic, which he'd yet to acknowledge. Or he didn't care enough to ask. There's a visible confusion that reads in his otherwise stark expression - Like Monika's the day prior. Was it really so foreign for Marius to present his generosity this way? "Oh...?" "Open it, Dummkopf." Rather than muster some spur of the moment retort Dominic does as instructed. He settled the box in snow and crouched down to examine what awaited inside. "Pure silver electromagnetic rods. In a similar vein to an EMP device, rather, a preemptive attack on them and on your target. Think of them as an extension to your CEDs. Place them around in any formation you like to create an electromagnetic field; They will go live the moment your CEDs do. I've included a remote for functionality and to check that they're all within range of each other. The frequencies will be dizzying for enemy weaponry and at the touch of a button, shock anybody standing within the field's radius." Astounded, Dominic can only look down in disbelief at the device in his hands. It's one thing to fix up an old motorcycle, or even a car, but something of this calibre was truly belonging to a prodigious acumen. And that prodigy is Marius Streicher. "Oh, there's also armbands and a 'plate' you fit to the bottom of your footwear to absorb static and safeguard you from being on the receiving end of the electrogrid. That part should be a familiar concept." "..." "Well?" "I don't know how the hell you come up with this shit, but it's incredible." "Mmhmm. Of course it is, I made it. Brave of you to finally admit that." "Don't make me regret showing some gratitude. I mean it. Is this what you've been busying yourself with the whole month?" "Yeah, calculating pulse waveforms took more work than Monika's and Elias' upgrades, I readily accepted the challenge though." "You went to the trouble of making something for them too huh. Crazy." "I did yes. Monika's was no sweat. I pulled up the files on her RED Mk III and tweaked a few things. Utilising the same technology I fitted a lens-like screen to a headpiece, so the intel she needs is always in view, and her handling of weapons isn't compromised. I think she'll appreciate the purple tint I used for the lens. That, and it can also be used for her spelunking - The new and improved Spectre can see beyond solid walls several metres thick, and it can detect hollow spaces like tunnels. If she removes the chip and slots it into the drone I made for her - I'll reveal that part to her once she's back - she can apply the Spectre to airborne recon in the same way as the lens itself." "Now, you're showing off. She's going to use and abuse that thing every chance she gets." "Good. Then I won't have made it for nothing." "What about Elias, what did you give him?" "I haven't given him his yet which works out nicely." "I'm all ears, Brainiac." "Interesting moniker. Elias gets a conal radius motion & thermal detector that bolsters his ballistic shield. This will give him an increase in tactical advantage, by alerting him to whoever is in his vicinity. If there's an obstruction or he loses sight of the enemy he can find them with ease and make his move. Like Monika's, his can mimic the technology he's accustomed to and can also be detached and used with the specialised drone made for him. He'll be able to temporarily blind at range, or cause distraction, meaning if he keeps his wits about him he'll manage to play a part from long distances." Dominic spied something else in the box as Marius gave his run down on each of the devices. Brow furrowed he picks it up and examines it closely, unable to crack what purpose it served. "Hm. And this?" "That, is a personal touch. Call it whimsical but I think you'll like it. His drone is also yours." Shooting the engineer a bewildered glance Dominic held the second remote in hand, waiting expectantly to understand its significance and what exactly made it so 'whimsical'. "I had trouble coming up with a unique quality for each of you. You're both irreverent in your sense of humour, so I decided to play on that. Elias' drone also has a compartment where something, such as a flashbang for example, can be stored and dropped at command. I'll tell him about that. What I won't tell him however is that you have full access to the drone with that control you're holding. I'll leave it to your imagination to invent shenanigans of your own design. It ought to appease your prankster inclinations," Marius smiled knowingly, but only just - A sliver of the pride gathering in his center. Dominic's was blatant and devilish; Cogs turning in his mind already. But moreso this was a gift with meaning, and understanding to a level that excelled clinical intelligence. He had captured all three of them as operatives and as people, as friends, in the best way he knew how. Each gadget was far from mere machinery. Like polaroids immortalising their merits on the field and in life. "Don't expect to hear this out of me again anytime soon but you've outdone yourself." "Hah! It's worth the effort just to wring sincerity out of you, you ornery bastard." "Yeah, yeah, pot calling the kettle black. I know you're not a drinker but come on, show me how to use this thing over a pint - and bring the drone. I want to get Elias back for all his gaudy Christmas music in the dorms. I considered smothering him with his pillow, but this will suffice." He sneered, amused by his own facetiousness. "I know you don't have anything else planned so I'm not giving you much of a choice." After placing everything back in its box Dominic stood up to give his friend a gracious pat on the back. Marius noticed a glint in his eye he hadn't been privy to before - one unlike the dispassion that most would consider default to 'Bandit' - perhaps they were both seeing each other in a different light. An aspect they kept tucked away, save for rare junctures such as these. "Fine. I'll agree, considering the occasion. Might as well get into the spirit of things a little. Frohe Weihnachten, Dominic." "Frohe Weihnachten."

#siegemas #marius streicher #dominic brunsmeier #monika weiss #elias kötz #man do I get wordy #I enjoyed writing this and I think siegemas is a great idea #thanks for allowing me to be a part of it

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madquerade · 3 years

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In Questo Paradiso ne Scopra il Nuovo Dì (1/10)

Rating: m Ineffable Wives (female Crowley x Aziraphale) Major Character Death, tw: illness, blood Human AU, angst, hurt/comfort, smut, just a lil fluff but like... You can read it on Ao3 @ sherwhotreksings Chapter: one two three four five six seven eight nine ten

Paris. 1851. She’s not sure if she’s real or imaginary, the girl sitting on a chair across from her bed. She sees her though: dark hair, golden brown eyes, dressed in white, Azira’s sister. She can’t be sure anything is real at this point. The only thing she knows for sure is that she’s home now and she’s dying. ~ This is just La Traviata but with the wives. I'm sorry. Antonia is a Parisian courtesan caught up in the intricacies of French society until a young madame, Azira, disrupts her whole world.

Chapter 1

A/N: I 100% blame @miss-minnelli for this fic existing. Darn you and your opera loving ways. That being said, I couldn't have done it without you <3 I also want to thank my beta @serpentyletorc for putting up with me and my nonsense.

It’s her first party in a while. It’s been too long for someone like her when parties are her livelihood. After all, how else will she meet new clients? Courtesans don’t just stand on the street corners in Paris and beg. She’s more sophisticated than that.

Her chandeliers sparkle in the light of the party and the gas lights cast intricate shadows on the walls and guests below. A couple of her guests sit on the piano bench, playing a song together as the small quartet she hired takes a break. Someone hits a wrong note and they both stop to giggle before continuing. Antonia is passed from hand to hand as her guests beg for a moment of her time. She swirls around the party, ball gown feeling as though it’s squishing her. Her dress feels too tight like she can’t quite get a deep enough breath, even though she knows everything she’s wearing is the same as always.

She tried to put on the kind of party that she had before she contracted her illness. The kind that goes and goes until it’s morning. The kind that no one ever wants to end. She used to be able to go all night without even realizing any time had passed, but it seems her stamina has faded in the month she was gone. She’ll need to work on building it back up if she intends on throwing and attending these types of parties again. Still, something feels off. Though she’s since recovered, she knows the underlying cause is more severe.

Antonia manages to break away from the crowd, standing to the side in a private moment. She gasps for breath, trying to push down the increasing panic. She pulls at the front of her gold dress, shimmying to try and shift her corset into a more comfortable place. Her full skirts make a pleasant swish swish as she moves, which she focuses on to try and calm herself.

A guest pulls her from her thoughts with a hand on her shoulder, begging to introduce her to someone. “Antonia, this is Madame Azira Donadieu.”

A heavier woman stands a short distance away with her back to them. She’s dressed in a tan suit with a bright blue jacket. Her blonde hair is cut short, but just long enough that curls form and cling to the back of her head even though her hair is slicked back. Madame Donadieu turns, smiles, and takes Antonia’s hand in hers and places a kiss gently on the back. “Please, call me Azira, Antonia.”

Antonia nervously shoots a glance to her escort for the night, Baronne Beelze, who is watching the pair closely, eyebrow raised and obviously displeased over the informality of a stranger addressing Antonia without an honorific.

Flora, Antonia’s friend, places a hand on Antonia’s arm and says teasingly, “I’ve heard Azira is madly in love with you.”

Antonia can’t help but let out a laugh at that. The absurdity of someone actually loving her is too much to contain. Everyone knows she doesn’t believe in silly things like love. Besides, rumors start and spread quickly in this section of Paris. By the time a rumor makes a full circle suddenly the Baronne has purchased an elephant and Flora has given away all her money to Archduke of Austria. There’s no truth in any of it.

“But it’s true.” Azira is as serious as can be, face intensely set on Antonia. “I am in love with you, Antonia.”

Flora squeezes her arm, lowering her voice to whisper, “When you were ill she came to ask about you every day.”

“Don’t say that!” Antonia hisses at Flora. The action causes her to cough a little, but before she can catch her breath, the musicians return, and she’s pulled back into the action of the party.

She’s spinning both literally and figuratively across the room. Partner after partner twirls her around the dance floor in a maddening waltz. She can barely think straight between suffocating in her dress and trying to catch another glance of Azira while dancing.

She can’t quite wrap her head around what Azira said. She seemed so convinced of her love for Antonia. It’s foolish to fall head over heels so completely. And without even meeting her first! Still, something sticks in the back of her mind. A small bit of hope that hasn’t yet been extinguished. She shoves it away. Like the snake of Eden tempted Eve with the apple, she mustn’t fall for the same trick herself. She’s learned from Eve’s mistake.

She ends up falling into a chair next to the Baronne and Azira while trying to gain back her balance, legs shaking from exhaustion. She waves off the concern of her guests who have gathered around her. Both the Baronne and Azira have their handkerchiefs extended toward her. She takes Azira’s, fingers brushing, and dabs lightly at her chest and face.

“A toast! Antonia, a toast is just what we need for the night!” Flora cheers from the sidelines, oblivious to her out of breath friend.

Antonia shakes her head, unable to get out any words, and gestures to the Baronne. The Baronne in turn gestures to Azira. Great, just the person she’d want to make a toast at her first party back in society.

Azira thinks for a moment and then holds up her glass. “To the night and to... pleasure!” She casts her eyes to Antonia in a way that conveys that’s not exactly what she means or what she wants to say.

Antonia supposes it’s the best Azira can do to express her affection in present company. The indignity of it all fills her with emotions she hasn’t felt before. It fills her lungs better than any breath and enters her veins with a fire. How dare this woman enter her own home and proclaim her love without any thought to Antonia herself.

Before she can stop herself, she’s pushing herself up from the chair, raising her own glass while purposely avoiding Azira’s eyes, and shouting a response of, “To friends!” She continues with, “Love is a short bliss,” meeting Azira’s eyes to emphasize “short” and holding them there, “it’s a flower that blossoms, dies, and is gone forever.” She lets her gaze wander. “Let’s celebrate this moment while it lasts!”

The crowd cheers their agreement, urging Antonia for more. And she obliges though her lungs are burning.

“We live for pleasure and pleasure will sustain us all!” She lifts her glass higher, champagne sloshing out at the apex.

Azira raises an eyebrow, a challenge. “Unless you live for love.”

Antonia steps closer to Azira, face set in a stony mask. “I never have and I never will,” she says this to Azira alone, letting out the last of her air in a delicate tinkle of a laugh.

Azira creeps closer, not breaking eye contact. “But love is my destiny which will make me immortal, not pleasure alone.”

The pair are standing close together, so close that Antonia can feel Azira’s breath on her face. It sends a tingle down her spine and she wishes to live in this moment longer, but her lungs are screaming for air. She manages to take a breath but it is immediately coughed back out into her borrowed handkerchief. She wobbles on her feet but stays upright this time. Motioning with her hands, she encourages everyone to continue partying for a while longer while she excuses herself.

With a smile that doesn’t quite make it to her eyes, she makes her way to her bedroom.

Antonia holds up the mirror resting on her boudoir, gripping the worn wood for stability. “I’m so pale!” she gasps, which prompts another coughing fit.

Antonia catches a glimpse of red on the handkerchief but before she can fully process it she hears a voice behind her.

“You know living like this will kill you. You should take better care of yourself.”

She slams the mirror down and rushes to stuff the handkerchief in her bodice before turning around.

Azira passes through the threshold into her room. “If you were mine, I'd watch over you.”

Azira is too close.

Too close.

So she does the only thing she can think of to protect herself. She laughs. Even if it does make her lungs burn again. “No one has ever watched over me, and no one has to,” she almost spits the words out of her mouth. She turns, back to Azira, and goes to her open window, feigning interest in the curtain there.

“Because no one has ever loved you before.”

The words hang thick and heavy in the summer between them. Externally she’s composed, she’s skilled enough to not reveal any secrets, but internally she recoils. Azira had hit far too close to home with that one. The July breeze caresses her face and she can feel her cheeks pinken from the heat. At least that’s what she’d say if anyone asked her.

On her own in France, she did what she had to do to survive. She made her way to Paris and made herself invaluable. Her lifestyle allows her to support herself, and have all the pleasures she’d like. But it’s isolating too.

Antonia glances over her shoulder, alarmed that Azira is impossibly close. “I forgot you’re supposed to be madly in love with me,” she mocks. She whirls around dramatically, skirts blooming around her, and she steps back as far as she can, bumping into her bed.

“You laugh. Don’t you have a heart?” Azira asks, gaining ground.

Antonia calms and considers what Azira is truly asking her. “Perhaps.”

“Let me tell you how I love you.” Azira steps ever closer, reaching out to take one of Antonia’s hands. “I first saw you a year and a half ago during Carnival. You were backlit in a window, this window, wearing an elaborate gold mask and I was below in the streets. Your beautiful rousse[1] hair was curled and half up. That’s not the moment I fell in love with you though. Somebody must’ve complimented you because you smiled, and I could see it in your eyes. I’d never been more jealous in my entire life.”

Merde[2]. Antonia feels her heart skip a beat. She’s used to being lusted after. She has all the lust in the world and she doesn’t need anymore. But this feels different. Azira claims to have known from the first moment how much she loves her, has pined silently for so long, waiting for the right moment to say something. And none of her clients had even bothered to check up on her, nor would she expect them to. But then, how does she know Azira isn’t only after her for her beauty or money; for the chance to say she bed a courtesan without payment?

“You are my heartbeat. My world! The heartbeat of the universe.” Azira brushes the back of her hand with her thumb and then lifts it to her lips.

Antonia has to give it to Azira for being persistent, but it doesn’t change how Antonia feels. All this talk of love is silly and childish. She’s not the naive little girl she once was. It seems Azira still is, though. And yet… here she is… claiming Antonia is her whole world in her own bedroom, and Antonia can’t help but remember that distinctive feeling. It’s a ghost of a memory now.

Antonia shakes her head, casting her eyes to the open window once again. “Then leave now because I can offer you only friendship.” Her life isn’t meant for love and romance. She’s meant for amusement. She’s meant to be used and thrown back into the world time and again. “Please, forget all about me. Find another girl who will love you.”

She looks back, shocked to see Azira’s lips are a whisper away. Their eyes lock and she can feel one of Azira’s legs pressed between hers, even through the layers of her skirt fabric. Her head is spinning again but from more than just champagne and air loss. Antonia closes her eyes against the penetrating stare of Azira’s blue ones and-

“And what are you doing in here?” A tipsy party guest interrupts them with a laugh.

Antonia pushes Azira away from her with a shove to her shoulders and takes the handkerchief out of her bodice, dabbing at her lips and cheeks as she flounces to the middle of the room. “Amusing ourselves.”

The party guest gives her a knowing smile and backs up, “I’ll give you some privacy.”

She doesn’t fault the guest for assuming Azira paid her for her time. It’s her job after all. However, she has no intention of denying the claim and setting them straight. For all she knows Azira might just enjoy the thrill of teasing and triumph before becoming a patron.

“Stop talking about love now, only pleasure.” Antonia addresses Azira but speaks to the doorway. Opening the handkerchief, she examines the droplet of blood more thoroughly. “What do you want from me?”

“Then I will leave now because what you’re asking is impossible.” Azira moves away from the bedside but stops in the doorway.

“Wait!” Antonia feels like rushing. As if rushing is the only thing in the world that could save her right now. Rushing to her destiny. Rushing to her death… Yet, she remains poised as she goes to her dresser and picks up a camellia, giving it to Azira. “You can come back when it’s faded.”

Azira takes it, fingers brushing again and sending another tingle down her spine. “Tomorrow?”

Hope flutters in her chest, bursting out in the form of a smile and she presses her forehead to Azira’s. It would be so easy to just put her lips…

She can hear a ruckus from the other room as her guests call her name. Leaving Azira, she puts her mask back on and saunters into the receiving room, looking at the grandfather clock nestled in the corner. It’s far past decent hours. Her guests swarm her as they say goodnight, pulling her from person to person until everyone has been thanked and she’s been propositioned by several men. She’s unsteady on her feet, and on the verge of another coughing fit, but she has to check on the Baronne and make sure everyone has left before giving in to it. Azira must’ve snuck out sometime in the rush because the Baronne is the only one left.

She wobbles and almost falls, but manages to stay true, making it to the Baronne.

“Are you satisfied Baronne Beelze?” Antonia questions with the tiniest of curtseys, the edge of her breathlessness coming through.

“That’ll be all for tonight, Antonia. Thank you for your time.” The Baronne kisses her hand goodnight and passes without another word through the doorway and onto the early Paris street.

Antonia coughs into her handkerchief, grabbing onto the nearest chair for support before flopping down onto it, allowing her muscles to relax as she takes in measured breaths. After a beat, she balls up the handkerchief, stained with small red flecks, and tucks it back into her bodice. Standing shakily she tidies some of the things around the room. Her guests aren’t messy, but some furniture has been moved out of place and the piano cover needs to be lowered. Marceline, her maid, will pick up the glasses tomorrow.

She wasn’t always like this, disillusioned by love. When she was younger, she was as Azira is now, full of hope and eager for what awaited her. It changed once she was on her own. It was clear she’d never be more than her beauty. So she threw herself into it. If it was her choice then it shouldn’t hurt… right?

Yet, she still can’t get Azira out of her head. How can she ignore this chance given the empty life she leads? What if she’s the person her soul once imagined, painted before her eyes in vivid color, alive and animated with air in her lungs and blood in her veins. Does this woman, one she’s known for only a moment, contain the power to start a new fever in her?

Antonia looks around the room once more, surrounded by the discarded remnants of the party. She shouldn’t be so harsh on her life. She has it good here. She has all the money she could ask for and countless gifts from her paramours. She can party whenever she wants without worry of what the outside world thinks.

She picks up the half empty champagne bottle and pours herself another glass, laughing merrily as she considers her life and the constant pleasure it produces. She downs the champagne in one go.

This woman says she loves her. She knows what she does and loves her anyway. She wants to protect her and save her from herself.

“Madness!” Antonia whirls around and slams the empty glass against the wall.

This is only the sad illusion of an abandoned woman in Paris. She shouldn’t hope for anything, especially something like this, something so easily ripped away, something so fragile. She needs to be free to glide along her path and give thought only to her clients and their needs. Besides, she’ll die of pleasure before she’ll leave this whirlwind life.

You are my heartbeat. My world! The heartbeat of the universe.

She lets out a growl of a scream and races to her bed, tearing the covers from it. She’ll never be free. If only things had gone differently. If only she hadn’t become this- this- femme déchue[3].

You are my heartbeat. My world! The heartbeat of the universe.

She throws the pillows from the bed. Repeating to herself that she’ll die of pleasure first. She lets out another scream, grasping at the sheets, balling them in her fists.

You are my heartbeat. My world! The heartbeat of the universe.

She’ll die before she gets to leave her hell.

She falls to her knees sobbing, lungs burning, and still clutching the sheets.

[1] Red in conjunction with hair, ginger

[2] Shit

[3] Literally “fallen woman,” a whore

#ineffable wives #good omens #good omens fic #crowley x arizaphale #my fic #iqpsnd

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arotechno · 4 years

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The Heartless: Chapter 3

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Chapter III: in which the biggest victories are often anticlimactic

The night before we were set to head out, having mapped out an ideal route through a couple of neighboring villages to the southeast, I simply could not silence my thoughts long enough to fall asleep. Fear had bound me to the limits of the Village and the surrounding woods for years. Who could know how much the rest of the kingdom, so far removed from the tiny, isolated village I knew, had changed in that time? Petra would know what the outside world was like, but admitting my fears to her was out of the question; as the older one, who was supposed to keep her out of trouble, I needed to save face.

I stood up from my cot and began pacing circles around the dining table. I needed to relax; if a child could have that kind of courage, then certainly I could, too. Granted, she was young and naive and had a vastly different childhood than mine--but was that fair of me to say?

My pacing was interrupted by a door creaking. Bertrand emerged from his study, scraggly beard more unkempt than usual. He studied me briefly, grey eyebrows raised.

“You’ll wear a hole into the floorboards,” he mused.

My shoulders sank. “Of course, the floor is your main concern.”

Bertrand paused, eyeing me from across the room for a few silent beats. “You leave in the morning, yes?”

I nodded. “Only for a week or so.”

Several carefully concealed emotions passed across Bertrand’s face; his mustache twitched almost imperceptibly. Then, his usual stony expression returned, and he reiterated, “I was being serious about the floorboards,” and said nothing more before returning to his study and locking the door behind him with a resounding click.

I shook my head dismally and returned to bed.

* * *

I woke up to the same drab, brown ceiling as always, the wood rotting away rainy day after rainy day. Blinking away sleep, I rolled out of bed and changed my clothes in the glow of the rising sun pouring through the window. The door to Bertrand’s study was left ajar, and for a moment I thought about saying goodbye—but I decided against it, for fear he’d only try to change my mind. So I stuffed a few stale crusts of bread and supplies into my satchel and left, not daring to look back.

The heat had begun to set in, and the air was thickening with each passing day as summer tightened its grip on the kingdom. I met Petra at the village gates beyond the great oak tree just after sunrise, with my over-stuffed satchel slung cross-body and my bow and arrow at the ready on my back. Petra greeted me as giddily as ever, bouncing on her heels with unyielding energy.

“Are you ready?” she urged, already hopping the fence to the other side.

I willed my legs to move, but they wouldn’t. “Petra… Are you sure this is safe?”

Petra frowned. “I leave the village all the time. Much longer than you’ve been aware, in fact. No one’s ever watching.”

What did she mean, no one’s ever watching? “Petra, the royal guard patrols this area all the time.”

“Have you ever seen them?”

“I— What? No, I’ve never really—”

Petra gestured broadly with both her scrawny arms. “I have walked through here every hour of the day and I have seen a guard perhaps once or twice, and never have they questioned me. They keep the gates locked as a scare tactic, sure, but nothing is stopping you from hopping the fence.” She put her hands on her hips and frowned. “Have you really never even once tried to leave, just to take a walk down the road?”

I felt exposed. She, a child, had seen right through me. Sure, I had taken walks through the woods on the opposite end of the village, and I could see the gate from the oak tree where I spent most evenings. But never had I even considered the possibility of leaving until Petra had convinced me, and not once had I stopped to wonder whether the royal guard were ever really watching, or if they ever really cared who went in or out so long as we didn’t cause them any trouble. Perhaps as long as we kept our mouths shut and vowed to stay in the shadows and on the fringes of society, they did not care what happened to us. After all, clearly no one was truly preventing Petra’s escapades, nor the entrance of the sorts of troublemakers who chased after her.

“No,” I finally admitted. “I’ve never done this before. This is the first time.”

“Why?”

I did not give a response, and after a few moments Petra seemed to decide not to press me for one; perhaps she already knew the answer. Instead, she stepped back and gestured expectantly at the fence. Steeling my resolve and taking a deep breath, I hoisted one leg over the fence and then the other. My feet hit solid ground, and the world did not come to an end as I once expected it would; for the first time in seven years, I was outside the boundaries of the Village of the Heartless. It felt every bit as anticlimactic as you might expect.

We headed southeast on foot, down to a border village not unlike my own hometown, full of tiny cottages and dirt roads and street vendors selling their wares in the market square. No one paid us much attention; to the townspeople, we were no different from them, save for perhaps our appearances. Petra’s ill-fitting clothing and my bow and arrow made us stand out far more than the secret we were harboring seemed to be able to. This, of course, had been how I was able to conceal my identity as a child: from the outside, no one can tell how empty you are--it’s only when they get too close that our true selves come out eventually.

From the look of it, none of this was on Petra’s young mind at all. She waltzed through the town’s bustling streets as though she were its divine ruler, with all the undue confidence of someone young enough to believe themself untouchable and the track record to support it. I had once expected that her brief run-in with death those many weeks ago would have deterred her to some extent, but I had been wrong; whereas I was cautious, eyes always peeled, trigger-happy hands itching for my bow at the earliest sign of trouble, Petra was unabashed, brazen, a master of quick escapes and daring pursuits.

Or maybe she was just lucky, and too young to fear consequences. But then again, if there was anything my 17 years had taught me, it was that age and experience are often two vastly different things.

We browsed some of the market stalls from a safe distance (neither of us had more than some spare change to our names). There were farmers selling their early summer crops, bakers with baskets overflowing with still-warm loaves of bread and pastries stuffed with fresh jams. There was even a vendor selling medicinal potions in tiny glass bottles, which reminded me briefly of Bertrand, but I quickly pushed the thought from my mind and continued walking. At the far end of the square, there was a counter lined end-to-end with sweet cakes and fresh-baked raspberry pies that glistened red and moist in the summer sun, just like the ones that once sat sparkling on kitchen window sills as a promised reward for clean plates and helpful hands.

Petra’s stomach growled audibly. I reached into my bag and retrieved two not-quite-stale rolls, one for me and one for her.

“Come on,” I prompted, nodding at the stretch of dirt road that led back out of the market square. “We should go.”

When we stopped to rest that evening, it was up in the trees on the edge of town, where we would not be disturbed by animals nor discovered by late-night passersby. I watched the people pass by below; workers returning home, couples strolling hand-in-hand, gaggles of laughing children running through the streets, doting parents walking by with their babies. I thought of the Village of the Heartless, its unlit lamps and perilous nights, but also its peaceful mornings and quiet afternoon laughter, and tried fruitlessly to reconcile the two images in my head.

“What was your home village like?” Petra asked quietly, eyes fixed on a group of kids about her age that were playing a game in the street below.

“Not all that different from this one,” I answered simply.

“I see.” Petra fussed absentmindedly with the hem of her shirt, mouth set in a soft frown. “Were there a lot of other kids your age there?”

If I’d had a heart, I imagine it would have clenched. Instead, I felt an aching sort of sadness set deep into my bones. “There were,” I confirmed.

“So you must have had a lot of friends,” Petra pried, both a statement and a challenge in one. She stared firmly into my eyes expectantly.

I sighed. Petra’s budding interest in my past was only going to end poorly for the both of us. “I once thought so,” I replied honestly. “But in the end, when the veil was lifted, maybe it was only ever just Basil.”

Petra hummed thoughtfully, but she did not ask any more questions. Instead, she leaned into the crook of the branches she was perched in, and we sat in silence as the moon rose high above the horizon. Petra closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep, while I listened to the steady heartbeat of the village below. I barely slept a wink.

#The Heartless #aro #aromantic #aro writing #aro writers #aspec writing #aspec writers #writeblr #op

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isadcrajade · 4 years

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💀 * [ barbie ferreira + cis female + she/her ] —— have you met isadora oliveira ? they are a twenty-one year old sophomore currently studying fashion design & merchandising. they live on keating house, and word around campus is that this aries is loyal + warm, as well as self-objectifying + obsequious. i wonder if they’ll make it out alive. chocolate covered strawberries, gothic platforms, lingerie under leather jackets.

hiii bbies it’s me (gabby) finally here again to post this finalized, messy version of isa’s intro! she’s a brand new never-been-played muse of mine so it’s def bound to be a bit more scattered & less developed than ezra’s, but also much shorter? so i mean there’s a bonus lmao alright here we go:

so isadora (also known by many nicknames such as isa, izzy, iz, & dora the explora if ur trying to piss her off vgbjhksjs) was definitely not brought up in a world of prestige and recognition like the one she’s become so accustomed to in attending holloway university

growing up in the small town of lisbon, maine the only reality isa knew during her childhood was that of living as the only child of a woman who was (TW) both a compulsive liar & and compulsive hoarder. their house was floor to ceiling with things her mom collected as well as garbage built up over time- her condition had already driven isa’s father out of the house when she was just three years old, and she never had a relationship with him as a result

she was still fairly young when she realized the true severity of her own situation, just how abnormal it was compared to that of her friends. she missed out on so many rights of passage during her upbringing like birthday parties, sleepovers, etc. for much of her life her own living space / bedroom were just as bad off as the rest of the house, given her mom’s inability to keep from passing her hoarding tendencies onto her daughter. isa simply didn’t know any better at the time. to her, that was normal.

not only was her mom a compulsive liar & hoarder but she was also extremely neglectful, often leaving isa to her own devices in the dangerous environment they called home. as a result of this she (TW ED) developed harmful coping mechanisms surrounding food, regularly overeating to combat negative feelings of loneliness, and this went on from the time she was just a little girl all the way until she was in high school

high school was rough in many ways- she suffered depression, anxiety, experienced bullying at the hands of the more popular kids for her weight & her mother’s financial situation, and was all around extremely isolated from her peers- the only person she really had to depend on was her cousin (WC) . she had so much respect and envy for her cousin, they had more of a sisterly dynamic than anything, she was just so gorgeous and everything she did just seemed so effortless, to the point isa couldn’t help but idolize her and consider her a best friend.

like, remember when spongebob said he hoped that by being in squidward’s presence some of his artistic ability would rub off onto him? that was deadass isa & (WC) in high school jhbksnjs my girl was so sure if she just spent enough time with her she’d inherit some of her pretty & cool

high school was also where she reached a turning point when it came to her home environment, able to put a name to her mom’s condition after years of struggling with her strained and toxic relationship with her mom, and ultimately changed the rest of her life. she stayed the night at (WC’s) one night and after she fell asleep, isa stayed up watching TLC- it was there that she first discovered the TV show ‘hoarding: buried alive’ and realized there was a name for her mother’s infliction- but more importantly, learned that there was help available for her condition

when she went home to excitedly tell her mother that she’d basically discovered a cure, a means to change everything for them... she certainly hadn’t been expecting the reaction that came: her mom, who’d always been so indifferent toward her, so lethargic and uninterested in what she had to say, was suddenly listening very clearly- and she was not happy. isa had never heard her mom scream like that, had never really heard her express any heightened emotion, but it was in that moment at 17 years old, just a few weeks away from her 18th birthday, that she realized what she needed to do. she had no choice but to make plans to leave her mom behind.

the final weeks leading up to the big day she was counting on as a turning point consisted of her cleaning out her own space, little by little, enough that she had somewhere to set up her secondhand laptop and webcam. blowing out the candles on her 18th birthday cake came with wishing for a whole new life, and she was determined to make that for herself by any means necessary.

(TW SEX WORK) isa spent half her 18th year in her room working as a successful camgirl, showing everything but her face, & of course always being careful not to dox herself. she eventually earned enough money to start buying herself nicer clothes, but it didn’t take her long to realize she wanted more from life than just rotting away in her hometown. she bought herself a higher quality webcam to keep making money... and a nice sewing machine, something she’d always dreamed of owning.

all her life she’d been drawing and sketching as a means of escapism, it’d always been therapeutic to her to be creative and conjure up unique designs for outfits in her mind, drawing models in all shapes and sizes to represent her fantasy outfits. but she never felt like a visionary, even though anyone with an eye for fashion who got a look at her work could see that she had the natural talent and potential to be.

isa had been an a straight-A student her whole life despite having almost no support at home from her mother growing up, and with plenty of encouragement from (cousin WC), she plucked up the courage and applied for holloway university, with ivory falls being far enough from her hometown of lisbon, but still in the same state so that she could go and see her mother from time to time (bc although their relationship is quite strained now, she still loves and worries about her)

the next summer she received her acceptance letter at holloway u for the coming fall semester, and the fact that she’d been able to make it into such a prestigious school made her feel so proud of herself that she completely underwent a massive arc of character development; evolving into someone so much more confident. realizing that plenty of people found her desirable as she continued to earn money through cam shows had been part of that transformation, but realizing she was talented enough to get accepted into the fashion design and merchandising program at her dream school had a completely different effect on her.

( TW BODY IMAGE ISSUES ) isa decided that as she entered college, she was no longer going to be the meek, insecure girl constantly playing the role of the doting, loyal fat best friend to the ‘prettier main characters’ she’d always been sidekick to- she told herself that she was the main fucking character in her life from here on, and has spent her entire college experience up to this point just,, navigating as she figures out what that really means to her

still has a terrible underlying tendency to be overly-loyal and a bit obsessive with girls she closely befriends, if she has any kind of jealousy towards them. but ! is a lot more confident than she used to be, and it shows in the way she dresses and carries herself, as well as in her long-term goals (to transfer to FIDM for her final years of university)

( TW ED MENTION ) as a young adult, she’s mostly she’s replaced the compulsion to deal with her body image issues by using food to cope that she had as a teenager... by using sex to cope instead, so she’s definitely a bit promiscuous but does her best to keep that Her Own business

personality-wise she has a massive heart & is loyal to a fault but is also wild AF & loves a good time! never rly dabbled in drugs until she got to college but since then has acquired an interest in trying everything under the sun, even if it’s just one and done. mostly though she just likes to get really drunk & stupid. used to feel like she was constantly living in her cousin’s shadow, & in some ways she still does, but she’s trying hard to make herself believe that she’s reached a place where she won’t be playing second fiddle to anyone, ever again

i’m gonna shut the hell up now & stop pretending i know this character better than i do bc i deadass do not jbhnjss like she’s literally brand new so lemme go head & leave plenty of room for development!

same story as ezra i’ll have a full connections page posted for her soon but in the meantime some ideas i have are: friends, frienemies, ex friends, high school bullies, classmates, old high school friends, people she gets fuckt up with on the reg, people she hooks up with on the reg (any gender, she’s bisexual / biromantic), someone she had a crush on in high school / has pined for from afar maybe?? someone who used to watch her cam shows?? someone she almost kinda dated but Not? someone who she hooked up with while they were dating someone else?? idk that’s what i have for now but there’ll be more where that came from <3 xoxo like this or hmu !

#holloway.intro #this is a hot ass mess #but i'm rly excited to finally play her x

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anika-ann · 4 years

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Heart Too Cold, but Friends of Gold - Pt.11

Too Much

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader Word count: 2850

Summary: Avenger!reader AU. Part 2 of Melting Hearts series. Part 1 HERE.

The lesson with ‘Inna’ takes an interesting turn. Yeah.

“You are so good. So good, you’re always feeling so much. And sometimes it feels like you’re gonna bust wide open from all the feeling, doesn’t it? People like you are the best in the world, but you sure do suffer for it.” (Silas House)

Warnings: swearing, light angst, mention of an injury, sort-of-a flashback… eh

Story Masterlist

────── ·❆· ──────

“I have no idea how I can help you improve your English, you’re almost like a native speaker,” you announced, pretending to be awed.

On the inside, you were freaking out. A lot. The reason was simple; there was something incredibly fishy about your new student and it made your hair stand on the end.

The lesson had been nice – once Inna let go of the insecurity about her accent, she spoke fluently and she made a great conversational partner. You had pulled out one of the difficult worksheets you were using for students you believed to be on a very advanced level and she had no problem with it. Which was the biggest clue, really.

Because this woman didn’t need your help whatsoever.

Also, she was wearing a wig, which was suspicious on its own.

“Thanks!” she exclaimed, sounding excited at the praise. You would almost believe her she was being genuine. Almost. “I guess it’s the accent I’m worried about? I mean, I thought that with talking to you, listening to a native speaker, it could get less obvious. I heard not everyone is welcoming to a girl with accent like mine.”

You obediently made a face as you started picking up your stuff, slipping into a light coat. “Ouch. Okay. Well, thank you for the lesson. See you on next Tuesday, the same time?”

“Yeah. Same place?”

You nodded, smiling nervously at her, hoping it didn’t show. “If you want to.”

You might have set up a next meeting with her, but you would be damned if you showed up. You needed to pack your bags and disappear – right now. Maybe even without the bags. You tried to keep your cool when exiting the café, your new student right behind you.

“Where are you heading?” you asked politely, already coming up with a dozen of locations you could answer her with if she asked you the same. Your heart was beating its way out of your chest as you nuzzled your nose into your thick scarf.

Where would you go next? You couldn’t stay in Prague. Should you head for Slovakia? You had heard countless times that the culture was pretty similar to the Czech one and you had kinda grown used to it. Or should you change the environment completely? Escape to Bulgaria? Maybe Italy? You could use some warm weather for a change… then again, Italians were all for hugs and affection and you couldn’t really work with that…

“Oh, Karlín. You?”

Okay, so… you definitely needed a different direction and chances were she would be taking either the subway B line or the tram, which meant you needed to use A. Or maybe go to the other side of the square for C, but that might be too suspicious – God knew what Eva had told this woman about your whereabouts. You couldn’t lie too obviously.

“I’m going to Želivského…. That’s A line subway,” you added when she seemed a bit confused. You walked with her for a bit, parting your ways at the stairs to the subway.

“Alright. Bye, Brigit!”

“Bye, Inna.”

You gave her another quick smile before heading down, forcing your legs to walk on acceptable speed instead of running.

Head for the A line. Blend in with the crowd and let it slowly carry you to the transfer corridor to the B line. Take the escalator, stand straight, don’t walk up. Exit via B line station. Hop on a tram. Two stations. Change the direction and ride one station back, continue several others as the track goes somewhere else. Get off the tram with a crowd. Get lost in an alleyway as the crowd is passing. Be pulled by a strong-

“Hey! Let me go! Nech mě být!” you cursed, complaining loudly so you draw attention as someone dragged you aside to an alleyway.

A huge hand covered your mouth and you bit down on it before you could even see who your assailant was. It didn’t matter. They had you and you couldn’t use your powers to reveal yourself, at least not right away. Maybe they would believe they had the wrong person.

“Ow! No biting!” a male voice complained and your rapidly beating heart stopped.

Oh god, oh fuck, no.

That wasn’t happening. You snapped your gaze to the painfully familiar face with the most honest and genuine blue eyes you had ever encountered and your mind turned blank.

He couldn’t be here. He shouldn’t and he couldn’t, because you had been extremely careful. Apparently not enough and now they found you; whoever ‘they’ were.

And they were using masks and voice disguisers, because you would fucking swear this was the love of your life standing right in front of you. They were playing dirty, taking you by surprise like this.

And they succeeded. Whoever was trying to get to Steve so they could replicate the serum just got themselves a jackpot. Except you were pretty sure you were worthless at this point; but they could never be sure enough of that unless they tried blackmailing the Avengers or Steve himself. Also, Steve would never let anyone die on his watch, so his most likely non-existent feelings weren’t that important.

You were about to scream when the hand muffled the sound again – was it really healed already? Why hadn’t they tried to knock you unconscious yet?

“Goddammit, Frosty! Keep it quiet!”

“Don’t call me that, you bastard!” you muttered into his palm, your knee shooting up to his crotch – he had left it unprotected unwisely.

His face twisted in a grimace that made you feel sorry for Steve even when your Steve wasn’t the one truly suffering – he couldn’t be, this couldn’t be him. His hand disappeared and you pushed him away with all strength you had, managing to free yourself.

“Wait!” he called out and you barely gave him a glance over your shoulder as you ran off-

Correction. As you ran into a wall. With full force, hitting your head so hard that for a moment, you saw the infamous stars behind your eyelids.

You stumbled backwards with a groan and your hand at the injured place, your messy mind coming up with the only solution you had – you woke up your powers, somehow realizing you couldn’t have run into an actual wall, because it simply hadn’t been there before. You barely felt the energy filling your body as the darkness embraced your vision – and the last thing you saw was red plasmatic energy and Inna’s apologetic face.

────── ·❆· ──────

“Was it really necessary, Wanda?” you heard Steve’s (not Steve’s) voice from a distance and groaned, immediately remembering what had happened. Fuck, you were so screwed. “Snowflake?”

“Call me that again and I will freeze your balls off.”

The woman at the side of the bed you were lying on – yeah, really, bed, a bed you weren’t tied to, which was kinda sloppy to be honest – burst out laughing.

“She’s really something. I think I fell in love.”

“Good. Do you think that after you knocked her unconscious, she will fall in love with you too?” the man bit back, smoothening your hair from your forehead. You grabbed his wrist on instinct to stop the motion.

Also, you could feel your mask was off. Wonderful. You opened your eyes to see the wannabe Steve and shot him a pointed look.

“Don’t touch me. I have no fucking idea who you are, but do not touch me. At least be fair and show your real face, you dickbag.”

“That’s a lot of money to the swear jar,” Inna – Wanda? – noted and you eyed her only to see her crossing her arms on her chest. She looked completely different now and confused the hell out of you. She took her wig off, not wearing a mask (or wearing a different one) and the only reason you recognized her as ‘Inna’ was her thick accent. “And since you don’t believe him – or me – let me show you. I can connect two minds on a certain level and I will. Good? I’m so glad you agree with this procedure.”

Before you could do a thing, she took the man’s hand from yours and touched both of you simultaneously. You gasped and closed your eyes at the flood of pictures appearing in front of your eyes, the noise, the— the feelings. It knocked the air out of your lungs, flushing over you like a tide wave.

You saw it all. Every single memory of you and Steve, from the first meeting (oh how pathetic and scared you looked) and gaining each other’s trust to the cuddles and the teasing…

The longing (oh, so much longing, the inner fight, the struggle not to take advantage of you, the desire to kiss you as you smiled at you? No, him), the love declaration, your first time, fighting by your side (the overwhelming fear every single time, yet so much admiration and respect), finding you in a snowed-in room with Michaels; that one scene seemed to happen in a slow motion, letting your brain recover.

All of the memories were strange as you saw yourself from above, from an unusual angle, but this particular memory was standing out with one more thing – your eyes were shiningly blue, unnaturally even; Michaels had been right, your eyes had changed colour that day.

Then the pace changed again and there was the memory of the tenderest love-making and you could tell immediately it must have been a very fond memory and an intense one too – spiked with a bitter taste of goodbye. The sudden rush of pain and fear would make your knees give out had you been standing,

And then came the anger – so consuming that you saw red for a second, yet recognizing Michaels in his prisoner’s cell with painful clarity. A punch. Another one and one more, yet not helping the gnawing feeling inside you at all.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Obviously, you wanted to isolate her. But you had that in Pennsylvania as well. Why go through all the trouble?”

“Oh, sweetheart, I knew you would be with her, even as a backup, running after her like sick puppies. She wouldn’t do that alone. Protecting the man she owed everything though…”

“Who do you work for? What do you want with her?”

“What I told her. We want to replicate the serum.”

“…you’re not talking about the super-soldier serum.”

“Course not. Pff. Super-soldiers are so yesterday. The powers your precious Snowflake possesses, on the other hand…”

You were literally kicked out from the memory and shoved into a roller-coaster of hope, disappointment, frustration and denial. You caught a glimpse of a little flask with an engraving that looked suspiciously like an Asgardian one, of starless nights, endless line of torn off punching bags, but it was like seeing it from a train, too fast and blurry.

And then Bucky appeared. S.H.I.E.L.D. fell. Sokovia happened – Wanda, Pietro and Vision happened.

Finally, there was you again, biting his hand and kneeling him, endless relief and confusion and a spike of anger as you ran into an almost invisible wall of energy created by the Scarlet Witch. The hesitance about deactivating your mask; the rush of affection when seeing your face.

And pitch black.

You blinked your eyes open, darkness dancing around the edges of the simple white ceiling. A ghost of a touch on your wrist was present, but the sensation was nothing in comparison to the aftershock of emotions that bombarded your brain and insides.

Steve was leaning onto your bed for support, possibly feeling the same weakness in his body as you were. Tears burned in your eyes and you tried to focus your gaze on him, to feast your eyes, because you were suddenly sure it was him. Your heart swelled at the realization, the vital organ too large for your ribcage all of sudden.

His dazed eyes met yours, relieved as he noticed the change. He managed to give you an unsure smile as he lowered himself, reaching for your hand.

“Are you gonna bite me again if I touch you?” he asked, the supposedly teasing note lost on the way from his brain to his mouth. He seemed hesitant, afraid of rejection. Yet, he was watching you in awe and poorly hidden hope.

You felt the blood rushing to your cheeks when you remembered that you had bit him and… kicked him in— oh boy. You already had an apology on your tongue when you changed your mind and forced a smile. There would be plenty of time for apologies.

“No. But I might if you don’t.”

His face brightened and he took your hand in his, squeezing gently, careful as much as he had been when you had seen each other the last time. It felt like eternity since then. And after experiencing the grief you had caused him… you actually felt guilty for running off – especially now, when you found out Michaels had been playing you and you had fallen for it.

You had run off for nothing. You had actually done exactly what they had wanted, isolating yourself and making their work easier. No contact, no life, no relationships. Hurting people you cared about. Loneliness being your only true friend for so long.

And all of that for nothing.

It was a little comfort that at least you managed to hide from Michaels’ minions or bosses effectively. It didn’t feel important.

The tears rolled down your cheeks as you watched Steve, emotions displayed so openly on his face; the concern at your tears if nothing else. His fingers brushed your forehead as if unwittingly, the tender touch making your eyelids flutter close. He immediately pulled back.

“Head that bad?”

“No, you dope,” you mumbled, snapping your eyes open again. He watched you curiously, searching for anything that could clue him why you called him a dope. Not that it was the worst thing you had called him today. “I… I missed you and— and I’m so sorry, Steve. I-- I know I made a stupid mistake and I didn’t want to hurt you, I swear, I didn’t want you to get hurt-”

“Hey, hey,” he soothed you quickly, his fingers running through your hair and you realized you started crying for real, sobbing and all the ugliness associated with the display of weakness. “Hey, Snowflake, it’s okay— …it’s not okay, I think I won’t take you back to others, because Natasha or Tony might actually kill you, but-“

“But you won’t? What do I get then? The silent treatment? A beating? ‘Cause I’ll take it, I know I deserve it.”

His eyebrows furrowed, creating a worried yet somehow tender wrinkle. “How about ‘I missed you too’ treatment?”

Your heart skipped a beat as you realized his face got closer, his thumb drawing circles on the back of your hand and the fingers of his other hand still caressing your hair.

“What— what does that look like?” you choked out, a growing lump in your throat suffocating you.

That couldn’t be real. He was mad. You had felt it. You had felt it all, the good things too of course, but the pain too. Fixing things, getting forgiveness, it couldn’t be so easy. Too easy.

“Whatever you want.”

You observed his handsome face, his worn features, the exhaustion radiating for miles as well as delight and careful hope.

“That doesn’t sound right.”

He pouted. Steve Rogers fucking pouted as if he wanted to draw attention to his lips some more. He succeeded. You licked yours at the sight, mentally slapping yourself at instant. You had broken his heart – almost two years ago. You had no right to want any of that.

“Oh my god, just kiss already, your emotional roller-coaster is killing me!” Wanda whined miserably and you honest to god jolted to your feet, almost colliding with startled Steve. Your head spun and it wasn’t only from the rapid movement.

Jesus, you forgot all about Wanda!

“Wanda,” Steve murmured lowly, no chance of her truly hearing it. You did though and you eyed him, biting your lip.

“Do you-“ you blurted out and stopped abruptly before you could finish the bold question.

“What?” he asked softly, his hands hovering at your sides, ready to catch you if your head decided to send you back to unconsciousness – or at least to the floor. Always the protector. The rush of affection towards him was too much to bear.

Yet, you couldn’t imagine leaving this room without him.

“Never mind. We should move. If you found me, then they-“

His hand actually fell on your hip and your gaze shot its direction before looking up to his face in surprise.

“Wait. Do you?”

You gulped as his eyes flickered to your mouth at his words and you would swear you heard Wanda mutter ‘yes, she does’. Your cheeks burned hotter.

“Yes.”

His lips slowly spread in a smile as he leaned in, his kiss landing on your cheek. You chuckled delightfully at the familiar yet so foreign feeling and returned the favour.

When he went for your mouth with silent ‘Can I?’, you sure didn’t protest.

Meeting his lips felt like coming home, even with the kiss ending way earlier than you wished. But him letting you melt into his embrace after that was almost as good as kissing him senseless.

────── ·❆· ──────

Epilogue

────── ·❆· ──────

Tags: @mermaidxatxheart, @murdermornings, @elisaa-shelby @ask-hellbent-tweek @cxptain, @kallafrench, @smilexcaptainx @scentedsongrebel, @orions-nebula

────── ·❆· ──────

*Draws a hallo above her head* Have some more knowledge of Prague infrastructure. It’s authentic :D

They reunited! Also, there’s only epilogue ahead.... and a bonus. Aaaand then the series continues.

#marvel #fanfiction #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #captain america x reader #captain america x you #steve rogers imagine #captain america imagine #steve rogers #captain america #avengers #avenger reader #mcu #heart too cold but friends of gold #anika ann

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doomedandstoned · 3 years

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Doors To No Where Drop Rowdy Grunge-Punk-Desert Spinner ‘Darkness Falls’

~Doomed & Stoned Debuts~

Review by Billy Goate

Before us is the latest record from Santa Cruz heavies DOORS TO NO WHERE, a band new to these pages but which has played alongside many of our favorite West Coast acts, including KooK, Worship, and Year of the Cobra. As May is Mental Health Awareness month, it's good timing to be introduced to 'Darkness Falls' (2021). "This came to me during the pandemic," says frontman Marc Lewis. "I was watching so many folks struggling from all walks of life. Struggle isn’t biased -- it can hit anyone."

The album lyrically was a concept album in a way on the topic of mental health and its impact. I'm truly passionate about this and want it not to be such a taboo thing to talk about or seen as a sign of weakness.

Composed during the pandemic's most clutching moments and recorded with Aaron Cooper of Pylon Productions, the album features longtime collaborators Marc Lewis (guitar, vox), Marc Prefontaine (bass), and Pete Testorff (drums).

"Lie, Lie, Lie," dashes off to a furious Foo Fighters pace as we begin the record, with Pete Testorff's fervor and panache paving the way for Marc Lewis to deliver the three word chorus with all the snarl of a man who just wants to break his rusty chains and run.

"The riff in Lie, Lie, Lie," Marc tells Doomed & Stoned, "was written off something I heard Pete doing one night during sound check. He was playing his whole kit and then doing those snare hits you hear at the beginning of the song."

There's some nice give-and-take between Marc Lewis' guitar and Marc Prefontaine's bass that betwixt the introduction and chorus. I didn't pick it up at first listen, but it definitely grabbed me the next several spins through.

The grungy lyrics match the pissed-off spirit of the music, as the song mourns the loss of a common reference denominator for truth, warning that in its absence there is division, calamity, and ruin. "Together we rise, together we fall." Marc amplifies these powerful moments for us:

This track centers around the idea of false power and how someone could start to believe their own lies and self-hype, while others could fall for it. It can become a toxic relationship or even a cult kind of thing.

It may be hard to remember this far into this surreal "pause" in our world's history, but we too were afraid, alone, and angry for much of the pandemic's wake -- especially in those uncertain early moments when we followed the spread of this strange disease from China to Italy and onto the shores of Seattle and New York.

Darkness Falls by Doors To No Where

The aptly named "Fade" comes next, presenting at a doom's crawl with a sombre arpeggiated motif that summons the spirit of Trouble and Saint Vitus. Or you might hear a twisted, doomed-up variation of Metallica's "Enter The Sandman" in that low-end omen. "Fade was built of the rolling riff and bend," Marc explains. "I wanted it fat and raunchy." Certainly Pale Divine and Dirty Grave come to mind as I seek to match the mood with bands of similar spirit.

Then comes the pained chorus: "Run, run baby," which Marc illuminates in a very personal light:

"Fade" is about a friend of mine who is no longer with us. She was a larger than life personality that was loved by all. She played the personna and role of the happy-go-lucky person. She thought that's why people loved her and why they were friends. She was actually really struggling with mental health and depression though. She would behave in a way that she thought people wanted her to behave, while she was actually suffering. Those around her did not realize her pain or that their influence was making things worse. For years she would self-medicate with drugs and alcohol and that was celebrated by those around her.

I had started to see signs of her pain and tried to reach out. Unfortunately, I was too late. Any time anyone would reach out for help, she would disappear. The chorus line “disappearing one” is a reference to her pushing away and hiding from help. When she passed (sucide) everyone spoke of how special she was and how much they loved her. I was angry and sad. Why didn't more folks try and help her? My perspective was that coddling her addictions and self-medicated escape helped her to the grave.

The lyrics “We all love to see you fade, but don’t you go away” and “We all love to see you soar, but don’t you fade away” are references to the idea that sometimes humans are selfish in their relationships. Meaning that someone may give me the attention and things I need without me being aware of the sacrifices the other person is making.

"Worship The Machine" is another hefty doomer, with some wild guitar noodling contrasted against a rhythm that is quite machine-like as it dances stoically along its predestined chordal path. "Worship The Machine was written to be heavy and groovy," the band notes. "We wanted it to have a certain feel that pushed hard, while still having that chugging along kinda vibe." Closing in on the three-minute mark, Pete turns loose on the drums like a man possessed and the intensity continues when the rest of the band joins in, taking us right across the finish line to a crashing conclusion.

Darkness Falls by Doors To No Where

"I wanna live, but I'm dying" are words I can certainly relate to, not just in 2020, but in 2021, where the lingering impact of such a global (and personal) disruption is still very much a struggle on the daily. Turns out, my intuition was not far from the lyrical intent: "This song is all about the addiction to social media and how it corresponds with one's self esteem, mood, and self-worth. The social media world has become this giant machine and some are literally addicted to it. It creates this tool of status. I think it has truly impacted how people feel about themselves and others."

"Got Mine" is up next and this one is the most punkish track yet. It reminds me a lot of Soundgarden's periodic forays into punk, with songs like "Nazi Driver," "Never Named," and "Kickstand." On this point, Marc is clear: "Got Mine is influenced by the fact that I love old punk rock. I love the energy and the attitude. We wanted it to be loose but with tight stops and control." As to its meaning, we're told:

This song is about a revolution with the main character being selfish and self serving. So the character is done with the revolution or fight once their needs and wants are met. They are not really looking out for the cause or to tackle bigger issues for the good of humanity. They are actually looking for what is best for them. The chorus refers to a cold heart and lack of empathy.

Darkness Falls by Doors To No Where

All you lovers of southern sludge will dig "Policy" with its Goatsnake meets Acid Bath groove and sassy guitar lead. Speaking of Soundgarden, I really dig the Kim Thayilesque breakdown and stinging solo two-minutes in, though some may draw parallels with Crowbar here. These are all, of course, points of reference to try to do the near impossible: put the emotional experience of one listener (e.g. yours truly) into words. In the end, it's up to you to listen and find a favorite of your own. For my money, "Policy" is where it's at. Check out the fantastic dual guitar interplay two-and-a-half minutes in! Down, eat your heart out.

"Policy" is another riff I wrote to play off of a groove I heard Pete do during warm ups. It's got a swing to it but punches hard. Almost a heartbeat if you will. The solo was a direct result of playing the drums.

This track touches on letting toxic people go from your life. At what point do you stop investing in someone's negative energy? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. It is the idea of surrounding yourself with people that want you to be the best version of yourself.

Up next: "Who Died", which summons all of the band's talents. Beginning with bursts of rapid-fire guitar picking set against a zombie-like beat and chorus, the song has something of a swampy feel. "I won't follow you!" Mr. Lewis shouts defiantly. I wasn't sure where the song would progress from there, and almost thought it was concluded at the false stop barely two-and-a-half minutes in. But the song rallies and the band pulls out its full force, with what sounds like the addition of the synth to present a layered effect that amplifies the intensity. I think this could have been developed even further, but sometimes brevity is the most appropriate option for a song.

"Who Died" was written off the chorus and intro. Zeppelin kinda riff. It's all about feel and giving the riffs room to breathe. This track is about the concept of thinking for yourself and not being an easy victim of mental or physical abuse.

The reverberating echoes of organ-sounding keyboards greet as "New Monster" takes its place next. We get our footing pretty quickly with a kind of "We Will Rock You" bass motif, but the song gets stranger and stranger as the seconds tick off. As with the previous track, there is a sudden atmospheric shift accompanied by furious strumming and ending on the swirling guitar theme we started with.

"Here we are, same ol' thing, round and round, 'ever again...I wanna run, I wanna breathe, I wanna live." This is, for me, perhaps the most relatable song on the record, lyrically speaking. This one especially gave off strong Prong vibes with its strong vocal lead, robust drumming, strong bass play, and industrial guitar feel.

"New Monster" was written in isolation and was originally an acoustic song. Even though the tempo is upbeat it's a dark and murky riff. We wanted the end out of the breakdown to hit hard. I imagine it building like a wave in the ocean.

Another track focusing on mental health with the idea of perseverance and to keep fighting, "New Monster" is the idea of not being perfect is actually perfect. We are all just floating on a giant rock in space and going through this thing called life together.

Darkness Falls by Doors To No Where

At last, we reach the record's namesake "Darkness Falls" -- the gem of this eight-pronged crown of thorns. I've always thought it was a great name. Darkness Falls is also the title of a 2003 movie about a malevolent tooth fairy, though I see no compelling reason to connect the film with either the song or record. I may not be too far off the mark, as Marc Lewis explains:

This concept came to me during the pandemic. I was watching so many folks struggling. All walks of life were struggling. Struggle isn’t biased and can hit anyone. “Please, please shine for me” and “Please, please glow again” reflect on how badly I wanted things to be better. For things to be ok. How I wanted those I love to be happy, safe and loved.

As it stands, Doors To No Where does a superior job of fleshing out the notion of "Darkness Falls" than previous contenders in any medium. The song stirs up a smokey, mysterious Near-Eastern ambience. Four minutes in and it's confirmed: there is indeed a synthesizer at play on Darkness Falls but its hypnotic effect in this song is interrupted by a screaming riffstorm and a gut full of churning bass. This song would make a great companion to "What The Hell Have I" by Alice in Chains. It also pairs well with Portland band A//TAR, whose metaphysical music we've also debuted in these pages.

"Darkness Falls" is special for another reason: Bob Balch of Fu Manchu and Big Scenic Nowhere was a guest on the album closer. "Him and I worked together on the track," Marc reflects. "He is a pro's pro and added so much to the vibe of the song. His playing and tone are phenomenal.

The new album Darkness Falls by Doors To No Where releases to the public on Friday, May 21st via Desert Records (pre-order here). This is its world premiere c/o Doomed and Stoned.

Give ear...

Doors To No Where · DARKNESS FALLS

Some Buzz

Featuring Marc Lewis (Guitars/Vocals), Pete Testorff (Drums) and Marc Prefontaine (Bass). Doors To No Where have been making music since 2010. Their sound is heavily influenced by Santa Cruz and the local beauty it offers along with the rich history of music. Doors To No Where have been called a stoner rock band but also touch on elements of punk, doom, metal and even grunge.

Growing up on a skateboard and surfing has played a huge part on the influences of the sounds Doors To No Where like to include.

The band has toured in and been honored to share the stage with bands like, Mondo Generator, Fatso Jetson, Fu Manchu, The Melvins and many more.

Doors To No Where will be releasing 'Darkness Falls' (2021) via Desert Records on May 21st 2021. The fourth studio album features eight tracks and a special guest appearance from Bob Balch (Fu Manchu). Staying true to their roots, 'Darkness Falls' is a combination of desert rock and punk influences. The band tracked and recorded the album in the unusual quarantine times of Covid-19.

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#D&S Debuts #Doors To No Where #Santa Cruz #California #grunge #desert rock #punk rock #heavy metal #Desert Records #D&S Reviews #Doomed and Stoned

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #303

“if i can’t be loved, then i’ll be hated”

What color are your glasses, if applicable? Black. Candy corn or conversation hearts? They're both gross, don't make me pick between garbage. Do you own a lot of earrings? Not really after I weeded them out before moving. What did your backpack in high school look like? I dare say I had the dopest backpack of them all. It looked like a massive Ouija board, and the zipper was the planchet (sp?). Have you ever been to a rave? Nah. What is your favorite art medium? I have a particular fondness of oil paintings. They tend to look so smooth, and you can achieve incredible realism with them. How far away is the nearest hospital from you? Not even five minutes, I think. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? My mom. What is your favorite car color? Pink, duh. How did you learn to type? We actually had a class specifically for typing in middle school. What style of wedding dress do you want? I don't have that set in stone yet, but I really do love ballgown dresses with long trains as well as a-lines with a moderate train. I love a lot, except really for mermaid dresses. Do you fit into any stereotype, or are you non-stereotypical? I don't know if I fit perfectly into any and really don't care. Would you want your first child to have your hair color? ???? I don't care about their hair lol?????? It would depend on the hypothetical father, in which case I'd probably find it cute, but this is so, so unimportant. Do you enjoy writing in cursive? Yeah, it just feels good and flowy to me. What is your favorite hair color? Natural? Probably blonde with natural darker undertones throughout. I like blonde hair because it's far easier to dye, haha. Now, if we're including DYED hair, rose gold or pastel pink is *chefs kiss* What is your favorite eye color? Sapphire blue, probz. Would you put your birthday on a different day if you could? Nah, it's fine where it is. What holiday is your birthday closest to? Valentine's. Do you vent on social media a lot? NOOOOOOOO. I barely post ANYTHING about myself on social media because I feel like I'm being annoying, self-absorbed, find anything I do actually interesting, or don't want people to think I'm a whiner. All I ever really do on social media is share or reblog funny shit, things I love, stuff I find relatable or inspirational, educational, important for whatever reason, etc... Do you have abusive parents? I am very thankful to say no. Is your house haunted? Doesn't seem like it. What's your favorite thing to watch on YouTube? I'm in a real WoW-related phase lately... Watching my favorite streamers, gold farming guides, and other various aspects of the game. What are five health problems that you have? I talk about the mental issues enough, so I guess I'll talk about physical stuff here. Uhhh I have very low blood pressure (it's a med side effect), I have extremely weak legs following muscle atrophy, I have bad tremors, especially in my hands (amplified by medication once again), maybe TMI but we're adults here and it's a legit issue that I have chronic and severe conspitation, aaaand then of course I have hyperhidrosis (excessive sweating) to a fucking outrageous and also humiliating degree. Ooooonce again as a prescription side effect. This answer made meds sound kinda bad, I know, but really, I'd rather have the will to live and just have to deal with these than want to die everyday and not. Do you have surgery coming up? No, let's keep it that way until I lose enough weight and when I am 110% getting loose skin removal. Which family member(s) do you look the most like? My sisters, ig. People say my mom also, but I honestly don't see it. Have you ever cried while watching a YouTube video? Yeah, usually just in let's plays, but it's happened for other reasons. Are you missing a website that just shut down? Nah, none that I know of. NO. FUCKING WAIT. So, when my laptop was fixed, a LOT of shit was wiped from it, and that included all of my goddamn Lightroom editing presets. The site they were from no longer exists, so I had to use a different, pretty sub-par one to install at least a few because it helps me get a start on editing the photograph and leaning towards the "vibe" I want before spending like 15+ minutes tuning it myself. Would you be a barefoot bride? No. Which would you rather name your daughter: Eliana, Echo, Emerald, or Ellery? Ohhh, I like these. I think I prefer "Eliana," but "Echo" is a close second. "Ellery" is nice, but it sounds too much like "celery" to name my kid that lmao. Which would you rather name your son: Maverick, Matthew, or Moses? Ugh, none, honestly. But "Matthew" wins. When was the last time you gave a speech? Like a *legit" speech? Probably not since uhhh... I guess when I argued my disability case at court? Does that even count? Have you ever been in a stampede? Well, never seen this'n in a survey before, so good job, lol. No. If you were a fairy, what color would you like your wings to be? It would depend on what I wore, really. And my hair. But probably light pink. Would you rather name your son Storm, Skylar, Sorin, or Solomon? "Sorin." "Skylar" is SO Southern, and "Solomon" sounds like the creepy kid all his classmates avoid and I ain't putting my kid through that. Did you read a devotional this morning? Not my jam. Would you rather be named Arizona, Alaska, Cali, or Georgia? Hm... "Alaska" is actually kinda cool???? And I'm white as fuck so lol????? I wouldn't mind to nickname of "Ally," anyway. Are you repulsed by ugly reptiles? lololol bro get out Did all your friends know about your first crush or was it a secret? I was definitely secretive and shy about it when I first started getting crushes. Do you ever feel insecure about going out without makeup? I feel insecure either way, so... How many different natural hair colors are there in your immediate family? So, this is a hard question to answer. My mom was born with brown hair, but it darkened to almost black; only her daughter Katie inherited that. By some genetic magic, Dad had blond hair as a kid, but it also turned black. Like... how?????? I was born with dirty blonde hair like him, and mine turned an average brown with age. My immediate sisters have always had brown hair. What is your favorite online game? World of Warcraft is ballin'. Would you ever want to be famous and sign autographs? Ha, the idea of signing autographs is awful... I can't physically write very long without my carpal tunnel flaring up. Do you like your shirt to be loose or tight? LOOSE. Especially as a bigger person, tight shirts are just really uncomfortable. What is your favorite Spanish name? I don't know nearly enough to answer this. Would you rather visit Asia or Europe? I think Asia is, in general, more interesting and prettier as a whole, but I guess I'm drawn to European culture being more like my own and there are specific locations I'm interested in, like Germany or Scotland. So to answer the question, I guess Europe wins. Are there any Asians in your family? I don't believe so. Have you ever had colored braces? Haha yeah, I did that when I had them. Do you take birth control pills? Yes, just for period cramps. Without them, they can be immobilizing for me. If you live in the USA: do you feel free and safe? Ha, no. Well, not *entirely*. Have you ever been sick on your birthday? I was recovering from the stomach virus, if that counts. As in I still got sick the day before and felt iffy on my actual bday. 17th, I think? Is talking about your past painful for you? Yes. Are you a member of any support groups online? I'm a member of The Mighty site, if that counts. When I'm feeling very, very sound of mind and helpful without all the negativity being a detriment to myself, I do like going on there and trying to help or comfort people. Have you ever called a suicide hotline? Yes, and the line was busy, and that's when I decided I was a goner. Do you ever fantasize about revenge? I uhhhhh... sometimes. What's a movie you would recommend to someone who never watches movies? Ohhh, that's hard. I don't really watch movies either, and I'm trying to think of one that essentially anyone would like, so hm. Oh, Coco is absolutely a possibility. That movie touched me so, so deeply and is high on my favorites list. It's impossible to not feel the emotions. Do you want to have grandkids? Hell, I don't want kids. Do you want to be an aunt or uncle? I already am one, and I love being an aunt. Who was your favorite Spice Girl? I don't remember their names or characters in general. Did you make a lot of home videos growing up? I mean *I* didn't, but Mom filmed quite a few. Do you enjoy babysitting? NO. What's an unpopular opinion that you have? Avoiding some political ones, uhhhh. OH. HERE'S ONE. THE SCENE AESTHETIC IS FUCKING CUTE AND NOT CRINGEY AND YOU CAN FIGHT ME ABOUT IT. Are you attracted to the opposite gender, same gender, or both? Both are A+. Was your first crush on someone of the same gender or opposite? Opposite. As a kid, I didn't even fathom the concept that women could date women. What is something you'll never eat again? Why? Brussel sprouts. Fucking disgusting. What is currently happening that is scaring you? Besides the very obvious answer of "Covid," I worry about my mom a lot. She's so weakened after all the chemo and meds and can do literally less than I can without heavily breathing and sweating. I just worry a lot that cancer will return sooner than we hope; I don't want it to EVER come back, but doctors say it is very, very likely at one point or another because she was so very close to Stage 4. What would be your personal hell? Being completely and entirely isolated forever while somewhere hot and humid, lol. And play one of my trigger songs on repeat eternally. What made the "weird kid" at your school weird? There was this poor guy named Alfred that was VERY clearly depressed out of his mind, and I heard him speak maybe once through all of high school, and the entire class couldn't believe it. He always sat way in the back and never smiled. I wonder how he is nowadays. What is a word you personally find offensive? "Retarded" personally offends me the most when misused and spoken as an insult. What instantly puts you to sleep? Now that is HARD to do; I have a ridiculously hard time going to sleep. The easiest way though would probably be me being drained from an emotional breakdown. That is so exhausting that I'm capable of crashing pretty fast and hard. What song is in a language you don't speak, but you love it anyway? I adore Rammstein, so there's plenty. I'll probably say "Donaukinder" is their best. What is something you would like to do if you weren’t judged for doing it? I keep that I RP a complete secret in my "real" life for this reason unless it's like, pried out of me. What's a movie you think everyone should watch? Why that one? Johnny Got His Gun. See how goddamn disgusting war is. What was the most unexpected good thing that's ever happened to you? Ha, realizing I was bisexual after once being homophobic. What is the funniest fact you know? Oh man, I know a lot of random trivia shit, really, so it's hard to say. Maybe that quokkas throw their offspring at predators to distract and escape from them... As awful as that is, c'mon, you gotta admit it's funny and shocking with just how adorable they are. What was your 'mic drop' moment? Oh, I don't know. Possibly when I publicly came out as bi on Facebook and made it abundantly clear that I gave no shits about some homophobic friends and family & I was beyond willing to let anyone's ass go over it. What's the kindest way a stranger has treated you? I remember as a kid at McDonald's, the woman in front of our car paid for our food; apparently seeing a mom, dad, and three kids in a van was enough that she wanted to just be kind and give us a smile. We have no idea who she was, never saw her face or anything, she was just a sweet woman. What is the biggest design flaw of your body? Okay, I'm going to let go of all hatred for my body weight-wise and just think of this as from a strictly natural design perspective, in which case I'd say my toes are too small. What age are you afraid of turning and why? 30, because I'm terrified of getting there and seeing I've possibly gone nowhere. What is the strangest thing you have ever felt? I'm keeping this question in just because I think there could be some interesting answers for others, but I'm witholding my answer because nobody wants or needs to know lmao. What makes someone immediately unlikable? Acting better than others and belittling. Who's a villain you sympathize with and why? D A R K I P L I E R because of his origins and overall purpose and just simply existing. What is something you regret to NOT have done? I have this oddly weird regret of not going like, all-all the way with He Who Shall Not Be Named????? Idk why though????? Considering I loved him way too much and I was a reckless and impulsive person who probably at some point would have wound up accidentally pregs????? What a fuckin trip that woulda been. What movie changed your life for the better? None have really "changed my life." What book you think should be directed as a film? Oh, idk. Most I can think of have been. Of all the decades you've lived in, which one have you liked best? The 2000s, probably. A carefree kid. How are you doing today? I'm exhausted. While out with Mom and my sisters yesterday, we got behind a van whose driver was obviously drunk or high off his goddamn ass, and he was swerving EVERYWHERE, nearly shoving so many cars off the road. Mom called 911 to get in contact with highway patrol to report his dumb fucking ass in. I was having an absolute panic attack and cried quietly like the entire 45 or so minute drive home. I was just so, so upset because this is why I don't fucking drive, and I felt like I'd made my sister (who was driving) mad because she had to firmly tell me I had to calm down (I was hyperventilating and talking to myself to try to calm down) if she was going to focus and keep us safe. She later ensured me she wasn't mad, but I still wasn't the same the entire rest of the day. Anyway, I slept hard last night but had two nightmares, so I'm still really tired today. I'm trying to keep myself really distracted. What's something your relatives don't know about you? A whole lot really, considering beyond my very immediate family, I see almost nobody because they live many states away. What's something your parents did, which you have sworn never to do? Mom would spank us or slap an arm pretty hard if my sisters or I misbehaved or "disrespected" her by "talking back." I'm not having kids, but I would never, ever, ever, put my hands on them in any way that isn't loving. You do not teach children via inflicting fear. I also have this probably overly strong aversion to beer because that's what Dad always drank as an alcoholic. I'll probably never try it, not that I really want to because it smells awful. What's the most annoying thing your pet does? I feel like "annoying" is the wrong word for this, but Roman (my cat) can be incredibly demanding of attention and to lie on me when I'm on the laptop in bed, and sometimes I just want space and be able to clearly see the screen, haha. He will legit meow like a baby and gently swat my arm sometimes if I try to keep him back. Heeee usually gets his way. As for Venus (snek), she does nothing "annoying" either, but rather a bit concerning to a snake mom: she is usually very slow to find and strike her food. I feed her frozen/thawed mice, and she will first slither around her entire cage, tongue flicking and clearly looking for her food, even though I always place it atop the same spot on her hide, and she can have her head RIGHT beside it and still do nothing. She ultimately generally eats (as a ball python though, she's a picky eater and will occasionally reject a meal), but I of course wonder why she's odd about dinnertime... As a champagne, she does have the notorious "spider gene" in her, which can cause neurological issues, but idk if something like this could be related.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''rise rebel resist'' by otep

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jaehyun-eclipsed · 4 years

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Before I Met You | Twelve

Updates: Sundays

Pairing: NCT (Jaehyun, Lucas, Mark, Jaemin, Johnny) X Reader/OC

Genre: Romance, Angst, Coming of Age

Summary: Four. There were four people before I fell in love with you… Here are their stories.

Warnings: Some swearing

Before I Met You Masterlist

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“Okay, I’m stuck.”

This morning, I had decided to text Jaemin to help me with my physics assignment. He agreed and we promptly met at one o’clock in the piano room. We sat at one of the two work tables, occupying the two chairs directly next to each other with our backs to the window.

Jaemin leans over, placing his hand on the edge of my seat right next to my thigh to get closer to my laptop screen to read the question. His shoulder is brushing against mine, but I don’t move away.

Okay, dude, you’re invading my personal space. I’m pretty sure you don’t actually need to get this close just to read the question.

But I’m also guessing that this is another sign you like me because you don’t seem to be bothered by it at all.

“It’s asking for the distance,” I say, trying to distract myself from our close proximity. “So I’m going to need the acceleration, but I’m not sure how to get that.”

“You can solve for it. They give you enough information.”

“They do?” I read the question again, a sudden epiphany occurring mid-read. “Oh, I’m dumb. I can solve for delta v and divide by the time.”

“Yep, that’s right! And no –” he turns to look at me and smiles “– you’re not dumb.”

I return his smile and glance at his laptop screen. “What are you working on?”

“Nothing really. I’m supposed to be working on a coding project, but I don’t really want to.”

So you’re just sitting down here – on your own time – helping me with physics when you should technically be working on a project…

“Oh, I’ve never tried coding before”

“It’s pretty simple. See, you can define ‘x,’” he says, quickly tapping several keys on his keyboard. “You can say ‘x’ equals five and then” – he hits ‘enter’ to move to the next line in the terminal – “‘x’ plus two and hit enter, and it’ll return seven!”

“Oh, that’s cool.”

I remain in the same position, comfortably seated all the way back in the chair, only turning my head and leaning in just enough to be able to see the small font on his computer. Okay, you definitely don’t need to be getting that close to me just to see. I can see perfectly from here. And you don’t even wear glasses… unless that’s why you’re leaning in… because you actually do need glasses… Eh, no matter, you wouldn’t be leaning into a complete stranger even if you did need glasses.

I shake my head, returning my focus back to my own computer, filling in the values into the equations in a notebook and punching the numbers into my calculator.

“So, who’s your other roommate?” I ask while submitting my final answer into the online assignment.

“Which one? Renjun?”

“No, I met Renjun. Who’s the other?”

“Oh, Jeno?”

“Jeno… so that’s his name…” I murmur to myself.

Jeno’s pretty cute. He has a very… manly look.

“Yeah, why?”

“No reason. I haven’t met him yet, so I was just wondering who he was.”

“Oh,” he remarks. “Yeah, he’s nice. He’s a chemistry major. You should introduce yourself.”

I nod. “I never see him around, but maybe next time!”

We continue this way for the next three hours. I sluggishly work through the questions, asking for his assistance when needed while he occasionally shows me some random YouTube video or coding thing. Honestly, I was surprised he stayed here with me this long. It’s Sunday afternoon; there are a million other things you could do that are much more exciting than helping your new housemate do her physics homework.

“Yay! I finished! Thanks for your help!”

“No problem!” he says, standing up and shutting his laptop. “I’m going to go upstairs to do my homework now.”

“Now?” I ask, perplexed. “Why didn’t you do it within the last –” I check the time and my eyes widen in shock. “– last three hours?”

He shrugs. “I was procrastinating, but I can just say I was helping you,” he says, following with a slight smirk and a wink.

I deadpan. Did he just – did he just wink at me?

“Anyway,” – his smirk morphs into a smile that’s genuinely warm – “I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Yep.” I press my lips together in a flat line. “See ya.”

I watch him as he leaves the room and turns left to head upstairs.

What the hell?

Thursday evening, I slowly open my eyes, blinking several times to adjust to the early evening twilight seeping in through the blinds. Stretching my arms above my head, I reach for my phone that I placed at the top of my pillow. I squint at the sudden bright light as I unlock it to check the time.

5:30. I napped for an hour and a half.

Jia was out for some club meeting so I had the room to myself for the next few hours.

Gradually, I sit up in bed, looking around the room as I try to shake off the sleepiness. In my groggy state, I decide that I’ll make a sandwich for dinner and then come back up to the room to call my dad.

While grabbing some groceries out of the fridge, I turn my head towards the door, hearing a muffled sound of Jaemin’s voice. In the short time here, I had learned that the walls in the house were not soundproof whatsoever. Unfortunately, the way I figured this out was because I heard some “things” going on when the girl living across from me brought her boyfriend back to her room.

Stepping out of my room, I look down the hall to see that the door to Jaemin’s room is wide open. He walks out of his room, holding a phone up to one ear and glances at me before continuing. He’s dressed nicer today – blue and white vertical striped button-up loosely tucked into his blue slacks. I shut my door and begin walking down the hall.

There’s a little inlet halfway down the hall with a small table and chair. A number of times, I’d walk by in the evenings and see one of my neighbors sitting there with a laptop. Something comes over me – a desire for more attention to continuing testing my suspicions. I walk into the inlet, setting my bag of groceries on the table and stand with one foot in the hallway, placing my weight on the other leg. I pull out my phone to read the text messages I received from Hyojin when he walks back into his room, gripping a package under his arm.

“Hey, I gotta go,” I hear Jaemin say.

When I look up again, Jaemin is walking towards me. He smiles. “Hey! What are you doing?”

“I just woke up from a nap so I’m going to go make a sandwich.”

“Oh, okay.” He nods and presses himself up against the wall opposite of where I’m standing. “Hey, so I was having some trouble with this physics problem… I think it was one you had last week. Do you think you could help me?”

I deadpan immediately, shifting my eyes to the right before returning my gaze back to him. Fortunately, I’m still groggy from my nap and can’t properly contort my face to express how confused I currently am.

You want me to help you with your physics problem when you’re in a harder class? What? Aren’t you the one that helps me?

“Uh,” I begin hesitantly. “Sure…”

“Okay! Uh, you can go make your sandwich and then I’ll meet you in the piano room?”

“Yeah…”

When he leaves, I continue to stand in place, unable to fully comprehend what just happened. I try to attribute my confusion to the residual sleepiness, but I know I can’t be convinced. He really just asked me for physics help, didn’t he? This sounds like another excuse to spend more time with me…

But I do as he says and make my sandwich, grab my backpack, and then find him at the same table we were at last weekend, except this time, we’re facing the window.

As I pull up last week’s physics homework, I sit there wondering how in the world I’m going to help him. If he doesn’t understand it, it’s unlikely that I would have understood it last week. The most I could do is let him see the solution and that’s not exactly helping him.

And guess what? That’s exactly what happens. The only saving grace is that he doesn’t understand the solution either; so he inputs the answer and calls it good because “it’s not like these homework questions are representative of the exam anyway.” He’s not wrong. Even I know that.

“I have to go meet some friends for dinner,” he says, quickly packing up his things. “So I’ll see you later.”

While he’s gone, I decide to do some reading for tomorrow’s lecture and finish up any of the prelab questions before tomorrow’s lab class. However, I find it difficult to concentrate as my brain wants to perform intense analysis on Jaemin rather than trying to understand Vibrio isolation.

Maybe he really only wanted the physics help because he knew I already had the solution. I’m sure he knew I wouldn’t be able to explain it to him and it’s not like he stayed either… I sigh. But that doesn’t explain the winking or sitting with me for three hours… Ugh, whatever, you need to finish studying for tomorrow.

After about an hour and a half, I hear the front door of the house open and I look over my shoulder. The light from the dining room across the way provides just enough light to make out Jaemin’s figure as he walks into the foyer. He glances at me and waves before going upstairs.

I purse my lips, feeling a bit disappointed that he probably wasn’t going to come back. I truly enjoyed his company. He was fun to talk to and showed me interesting things, including his water bottle collection he had accumulated from attending job fairs. Though I wasn’t interested in dating him, I did want to be his friend. At the very least, I could designate him as someone to go get dinner with and just hang out.

“Hey!” a voice says behind me.

I jump slightly upon realizing it’s Jaemin. He has his laptop and backpack in hand and pulls out the chair next to me to sit down. Oh! Huh… you came back.

“Hi, you came back to work?”

“Yeah, I just have something that should take a half hour.”

Several other residents had returned home and were sitting on the couches a few feet away discussing Pokémon Go.

“Have you ever played?” Jaemin asks me.

“No, have you?”

“Yeah, I played all summer,” he says, pulling out his phone. “It’s pretty fun, see? But yeah, I was here for an internship during the summer so I’d walk around campus trying to catch them.”

He spends the next few minutes searching up different Pokémon on the internet, showing me pictures and telling me about their abilities. I nod, commenting on the ones I found particularly cute. It’s nice; it’s so easy talking to him and we can easily talk about nothing without it ever feeling forced.

“Yay, I finished!” he says.

There’s that feeling in my chest again – the one of disappointment when I thought Jaemin wasn’t going to come back to hang out. I internally chastise myself.

“You going to turn in for the night?”

“Nah, I’ll stay down here.”

Three hours later, at eleven p.m., after having finished my biology homework, I decide that it’s time to return to my room to shower and get ready for bed.

“All right,” I say, gently closing my laptop and packing together my things. “I’m done for tonight.”

Jaemin trails behind me as we go up the stairs, telling me about an interview he has next week. There are three directions you can go once you reach the top of the stairs: right, left, or up to the next floor. Jaemin’s room is the first one on the left when you turn right. My room is at the end of the same hall.

As we near his room, I expect him to stop in front of his room and bid goodnight. Only, he doesn’t do that. He continues to follow me to my door as we pass his room.

“Hey, can you get my keys out of the top zipper?” I ask, turning my back to him. “My hands are full.”

“Sure!”

I feel him tug on the top of my backpack, followed by a jingling of my keys as he hands me my lanyard.

“Thanks!” I say as I try to separate the key fob from the rest of my keys.

“You’re a Vulpix!” he suddenly says.

“A what?”

I look at him and see that he’s looking at the printed photo on my door of a brown animal resembling a fox with a fluffier tail. Each door had the names of the residents living in that room and a Pokémon to “represent” each resident. He points to the photo above my name tag. “It’s a Pokémon. It’s one of the cuter looking ones.”

I blink several times, unsure of what to say given that I didn’t have much of an interest in Pokémon. “Oh.”

“Yeah, I think it suits you.”

I turn to look at him and he’s smiling again. He does have a nice smile. And I’d have to be blind to miss it, but there’s that look in his eyes again. The mischievous one.

You’re definitely charming, I’ll give you that.

I return a small smile back, allowing the slightest bit of amusement to be detected in my eyes. “Which one are you?”

“Charmander.”

“Does that one fit you?”

“Yeah, I’d say so.” He puts a hand on my shoulder. “Anyway, I’ll let you get to bed. Thanks for helping me today.”

I give him a crooked smile. “I didn’t really help you at all…”

“Of course you did!” he insists.

He still has his hand on my shoulder and as I look back at him, he’s gazing at me with an expression that I can only describe as ‘lustful.’ He’s conventionally attractive, but I still can’t say I’m interested in him. I just happen to like the attention. And I’m not flirting with him either – at least, I don’t believe I am.

But the next thing he does shocks me to such an extent I nearly drop all the books in my hand. He squeezes my shoulder and leans towards me, tilting his head down so that his mouth is near my ear.

“Goodnight,” he whispers.

He pulls back, a smug smirk on his lips, evidently amused by the stunned expression he catches on my face before he turns around to walk back to his room. I watch him until he reaches his door, unlocking it and glancing at me before slowly closing it and disappearing inside.

Okay, there’s no fucking way that wasn’t flirting.

It takes me another moment to gain enough composure to process what just happened before opening my own door.

“Who was that?” Jia immediately asks when I step inside.

“Jaemin,” I answer nonchalantly.

“He walked you back to the room?”

“Yeah…”

She gets up from her chair and hovers over my desk as I set my things down. “Did you ask him to help you with physics?”

“Um, no…” I bite my lip. “He asked me to help him with physics.”

“What?!” she exclaims.

“That was my response.”

She follows me into the bathroom, leaning in the doorway as I clip my hair back to take off my makeup and wash my face.

“Do you think he likes you?”

Jaemin’s “goodnight” continues to ring in my ears. The way he was grabbing onto my shoulder was a little more than “friendly.” Hell, whispering into my ear like that is more than “friendly.” There’s no way he’s not – at the very least – interested in me.

“Um, I think he’s interested in me…” I respond, attempting to say as little as possible.

“I saw you guys working together downstairs when I came home. I think he likes you!”

“I have no idea.”

Friday at noon, I returned home for lunch after finishing up my classes for the day. I sat in my room, watching reruns of NCIS while eating a sandwich and some fruit. My plan for the next few hours was to start on the physics homework that was due on Tuesday. I would attempt all of the questions and then ask Jaemin for help this weekend on the ones I couldn’t figure out myself.

I had sort of made an assumption that we would work together every weekend even if it wasn’t for him to help me with my physics homework. He stayed with me for three hours last Sunday and we studied together for the entire evening yesterday. Hell, he came back to study with me after he went to meet his friends for dinner. Dad is convinced Jaemin has a thing for me and even Jia is suspicious, but I’m trying to keep her out of it as much as possible.

I grab my keys and leave my room to run downstairs to wash my dishes and refill my water bottle before starting on my homework. But as I’m about to pass Jaemin’s door, my ears perk up due to the voices coming from his room.

“No, look, it’s really cool!” Jaemin says.

“No! I don’t want to go there! It’s so dirty!” a female voice responds.

“It’s not dirty! And they have really good samgyeopsal!” Jaemin replies.

I stop mid-step and slowly turn my head towards his door. What the –? Is… is that a girl in his room?

“Noo!” she whines again.

I check the time. It’s 1:45. Last Friday, Jaemin had come to say “hello” to me while I was in the piano room working on an assignment around this time. Our interaction was brief, as he told me he had to be in class at two. Hmm. He should be leaving soon.

I continue walking to the kitchen, figuring it’s probably best that I not get caught eavesdropping right outside his door. As I wash my dishes, I mentally strategize how to stay downstairs long enough to watch Jaemin when he comes down the stairs. I don’t have any of my study materials and I don’t want to risk wasting any time to go get them in case he leaves before that.

After filling up my water bottle, I walk into the dining room and place my things on one of the bar tables near the entryway. I choose to sit in the seat that looks into the foyer and pull out my phone, pretending to busy myself with replying to a text from Hana.

My head snaps up when I hear a door close followed by the voice of the female in question. I wait until I hear them walking down the stairs before getting up, keeping my head down, gaze focused on my phone.

I begin to traverse the stairs, briefly looking at the girl as she comes into view. My heart jumps. Why – why does she look so familiar? Jaemin is following behind her, keeping his gaze to the floor. As we’re about to pass each other, I look up from my phone as if I had just noticed he was there.

“Hey,” I greet.

“Hi.”

I continue up the stairs, rounding the spiral and glance at the girl from the corner of my eye, narrowing my eyes at her. When she reaches the door, she steps to the side, her hands clasped in front of her. She looks at Jaemin expectantly as he extends his hand to open the door for her. My nose wrinkles with a slight disgust at the interaction I just witnessed. She purposely moves out of the way for him to open the door for her?

When I return to my room and sit down at my desk, a sudden realization hits me. Wait a second. I know why she seems familiar!

I log into Facebook and type in a name.

Jisu Choi.

As soon as the page loads, my jaw drops.

Staring back at me is Jisu’s profile picture of a smiling Jaemin with his arm around Jisu.

Holy shit! Jaemin has a girlfriend!

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Before I Met You Masterlist Masterlist

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timegal25 · 5 years

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The Odd Side of Youtube

YouTube, the popular video sharing website, has been around for over a decade. It’s had it’s over abundance of videos themed around Fortnite, “emotional apology videos” stuffed to the brim with ad revenue, a disturbingly high number of poorly animated nursery rhymes, and surprisingly graphic skits targeted at kids. But it’s also been an outlet for creative expression and connection for those outside the mainstream. For a socially awkward and isolated kid who found companionship in watching YouTube, fandom videos offered a sense of connection, belonging and reassurance that there were “odd people” out there who shared his interests and passions.

While the vast majority of people know about things like “Gangnam Style” and “Let’s Plays,” not as many can say they have extensive knowledge of the various niche fandom videos that make up a good portion of the website itself. These are the odd clips that either you only come across by looking up directly, or have randomly pop up in your recommended feed with no real reason as to why. In my case, I remember a majority of these from watching them when I was younger, and then rediscovering them when looking deep into the site on late night nostalgia binges. It’s a common hobby of mine, and it usually leads to me finding some of the strangest things as a result. Oddly, a great many of these strange finds just so happen to include Sonic the Hedgehog.

Let me preface this by saying what follows is in no way an attack on any of the creators of these videos, nor is it a call for others to go out and harass them. In fact, that’s part of the point. Many of the people who create some of the more odd or innovative content on YouTube are doing it as creative expression of who they are or what interests them. It’s a place to express a part of themselves, and it takes courage to do it. It’s easy for those who aren’t so brave to attack the creators. I actually enjoy a lot of the content I’ll be referring to because the people behind it are genuine and clearly having a ton of fun making it. This is all done in good fun, and shows just how strange and odd fandom culture as a whole can be. And for some of these innovators who dared to put themselves out there, it paid off big time just by how fondly remembered they are by those who talk about them. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s begin.

Part One: Hedgehogs and Dragon Balls

To start things off, let’s look at a project that is fully animated. Before YouTube, there was the popular website Newgrounds, a place where you could watch videos, play games, and just mess around. This is where a lot of influential and important creators got their start by posting their little animations on the site. On August 14, 2006, user Chakra-X (real name Aaron Cowdery), posted the first part in a three-part movie called Sonic: Nazo Unleashed with part two coming a week later and part three following in 2007. All three parts were later uploaded all into one HD remaster under the title of Sonic: Nazo Unleashed DX on YouTube in 2014. The film follows Sonic and his friends as they take on the mysterious and powerful Nazo, an unused form of Sonic from a promotional video for the anime Sonic X.

Now what makes this special from say the dozens of Sonic themed fanfics that follow a somewhat similar premise? Chakra-X did something no one had dared to do before. The animation was very heavily inspired by the anime megahit Dragon Ball Z and its then airing sequel Dragon Ball GT . The sound effects used and the presentation of special moves were ripped right from the series and even parts from the climax are just ideas presented in the show such as two characters fusing to make one new powerful being. In 2006, it was unheard of to see Sonic characters perform such high speed anime action. What was even more notable is that it was created by one single guy on the internet. The professionally produced Sonic X TV show that was airing at that time paled by comparison, even with a team of professional animators with high tech equipment.

In the decade since Nazo Unleashed originally came out, Chakra-X has been a part of various animated collabs and now works for Titmouse Inc , an animation company that has done work for companies like Warner Bros., Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network, and even Disney. What was even more inspiring for me, Chakra-X is a young black man . This was the first I’d become aware of anyone who looked like me being a much sought after animator. It told me that I could be him, I could be in his position if I put in as much effort and love into a creative project. And with how amazing the upcoming sequel he’s working on looks, I feel that kind of hopeful inspiration even more.

The next piece I’m going to examine is another well known series in the Sonic fandom community that also is heavily influenced by Dragon Ball Z. While it is also animated and is full of high speed action packed fights, this one has its own amazing identity. The series I’m talking about is the always spectacular Super Mario Bros. Z by Mark Haynes, aka Alvin Earthworm, starting in 2006 and going until 2009. While this series was originally created on Newgrounds, it’s real exposure and popularity came from being uploaded to YouTube.

The series follows Mario, Sonic and friends as they go on an epic race against time to secure the powerful chaos emeralds from the clutches of the evil Mecha Sonic. Much like Nazo Unleashed, the influence of Dragon Ball Z series is anything but subtle, with the plot of “good guys need to find powerful objects before bad guys” being one of the key ways to describe Dragon Ball as a whole. One of the key things that makes this stand out on its own is the fact that this entire series is animated using sprites from the games. Just about every character that wasn’t made specifically for the series has their models taken right from their games. Mario and Luigi for example come from the Mario and Luigi role playing game (rpg) series on the Gameboy Advance (GBA), while the Sonic and Shadow sprites come from Sonic Battle also on the GBA. An extra step is taken by having the characters act like they do in their retrospective series. Mario and Luigi never actually use dialogue boxes in their games, with other characters still understanding them. The same is true here with the brothers’ words never actually being seen on screen. Going that extra step to emulate the games made the videos feel more authentic.

I was relatively young and new to the internet when Super Mario Brothers Z (SMBZ) started popping up. I wasn’t fully aware of what sprite animations were, as they weren’t as easy to make or common back then as they are now, so I would see all the action and Sonic and Mario on screen together and I thought that it was an actual game. I wanted to play it so badly on my Gameboy Advance SP. On one trip to a Gamestop, my young self boldly walked up to the lady working the register and asked “Hey, do you have Super Mario Bros Z ?” She gave me this look that said either she knew exactly what I was talking about or didn’t have a single clue at all and just nicely said that they didn’t. I went on to repeat this at several more gaming stores before I realized that it wasn’t a real game, nor did it ever claim to be. It was then that I started looking for games I wanted myself because sometimes just saying a title out loud can make you look like the strangest person around.

What made the SMBZ series so attractive and so entirely different from anything found on YouTube at the time was the animated action. You might think that since the series is using pre-made assets and models, that there must be some limitations on what can be done. However, with a bit of help from some custom new sprites as well as some fast editing and sound effects, things can get insane . Being able to translate the speed and intensity of a Dragon Ball Z fight is hard enough to copy with regular animation, yet Mark was able to do this with 2 dimensional sprites and flashing lights. And even that pales in comparison to the pure adrenaline of fights concerning the series main antagonist, Mecha-Sonic.

Originally starting off as a mostly side boss in Sonic and Knuckles , Mecha Sonic became a fan favorite thanks to this series. Like any good antagonist, he can easily prove himself as a threat to the heroes while also being able to take the hits himself. This comes across easily in the series most popular episode, Brawl on a Vanishing Island . This 30 minute episode has a variety of characters going up against each other, but the mood quickly turns the second Mecha Sonic arrives and absorbs the power of the Chaos Emeralds. What follows is an absolutely brutal beatdown of another team of antagonists, the Axem Rangers X. The speed, the sound effects, alongside an amazing remix of Sonic and Knuckles’ Doomsday Zone playing in the background, this is a simply amazing bit of animation that can’t really be put into words without it sounding absolutely ridiculous. And much like with Nazo Unleashed, so much of this was done by just one guy.

After episode 8 in 2009, things basically ended on a cliffhanger with the series being presumed over. Haynes had his own life and things to deal with, and something that took up so much time to make could be easily seen as poor use of it. In the years following, many others tried their hand at sprite animations with heavy action scenes with that becoming its very own subgenre on YouTube. Then, in 2016, Mark made a glorious return with the first episode of what was basically a reboot of the series. Fans loved it, amazed to see how far things had come. And then..there was basically nothing else. Originally, Haynes had a Patreon set up so that fans could fund him making this as well as possibly being a way for him to make this his job. It was shut down, most likely due to him directly saying it was going towards the series and Nintendo seeing it as someone else profiting off their IP. With any funding that could go towards rewarding all this time and effort being taken away, as well as Haynes having more important personal things and depression, it is unlikely that we’ll see an update anytime soon. It’s been three years since the first episode went up on YouTube, and while I still hope someday he’ll return, but as someone who knows that forcing yourself to make something others want even if you don’t want to is like, the personal happiness and health of Mark Haynes is so much more important. He’s already left an amazing legacy on the net, and the stuff he’s given us is already great enough as is.

And now to go from flash animation, to sprite animation, we’re reaching the next logical step. Out of all the series discussed in this part, this one is my absolute favorite. And it is one of the weirdest things out there. Another crossover series featuring the world of Mario and Sonic, alongside a few notable others. One that’s full of action and character, and it’s all animated in PowerPoint (no, I’m not kidding), this is Chocobro Cinemas’ The “Dimension” Saga. Strap in, things are gonna get really, really weird.

The series started in 2007, with Dimension Mix-Up as it followed various characters from Super Mario Bros, Sonic the Hedgehog, Frogger, Invader Zim, and Calvin and Hobbes. That was all 100 percent serious, and to the credit of both this and Super Mario Bros Z, there is a feeling of self-awareness running throughout the whole series. I unironically love this entire series from start to finish, mostly just due to the fact that there’s so much creativity and love being put into something that most people would just brush aside as another cheap fanfiction. When I originally found this back in 2007, it was like the most amazing thing ever. The computer I had at the time took forever to not only load flash animations, but even playing them took like 5 years for just a few seconds. I hadn’t really known what Newgrounds was fully back then either, so Super Mario Bros Z also wasn’t something I watched at the time, and I came across this. An action filled adventure that had characters not only from Sonic and Mario, but also Invader Zim which was still super huge at time, and Calvin and Hobbes?! To a megafan of all those things who would actually spend their time on Fanfiction.net reading stories about this stuff (Yes, even Calvin and Hobbes), this was like the holy grail. Also Frogger was there, so...that was cool?

This story should not work, these characters all being together on screen expecting viewers to care for them all should not work, this idea of using powerpoint back in 2007 to simulate animation of any kind should not work. Yet somehow...it does. Even with the fact that this is clearly just a camera recording a screen at this point, there’s something rather entertaining about it all. And the action isn’t half bad for something made with a tool that clearly was never meant to be used in this way. It can actually be creative with how some fight scenes are done. The whole of episode 6 is able to show off a giant robot boss battle with some pretty decent speed, while episode 8 can trick viewers with its looping backgrounds. The best part of this comes just from watching how not only does the quality of the video improve over time, but so does the writing and the story. Dimension Takeover and Dimension Obliteration are amazing and admittedly addicting watches that have the same level of love and care put into them as the previous two series discussed in this. Giving the fans such high quality action and adventures while also doing a really great job of making all the interactions feel like they’re from their source material. Well, at least as close and one can get when you have a hedgehog talking to an imaginary tiger and a group of cartoon frogs. I can’t say thank you enough times to the people who’ve made all their series, as my love of writing stories based on my own favorite series probably wouldn’t be as strong today. And hey, one can surprisingly do a good job with powerpoint. At least it wasn’t just a slide show.

Part Two: These literally are just slide shows!

Sticking to the topic of Sonic, he seems to be a super popular subject for crossovers. Besides Mario, he and his friends have appeared in both official and nonofficial meetups with all kinds of pop culture favorites. The one series that seems to dominate the realm of Sonic crossovers online is My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic . The series itself has had quite the impressive run of nine years, with its final episodes airing this year. What probably would have been seen as just another cheap product placement by the majority of people if it hadn’t been for the rather large audience of grown up fans that for a time basically ruled the internet. While in the later years the fan base has shrunk as all fandoms do, there are still those that happily enjoy watching cartoon ponies and doing various things related to them online, myself included.

Now how does a super fast and cocky blue hedgehog that saves the day from an evil egg shaped man and his army of robots have any kind of connection to a cartoon about six colorful and talented ponies as they go through their lives learning about and solving problems with the power of friendship? Well, both are series that have similar characters with Sonic and Rainbow Dash both being blue,fast, and cocky. Both series deal with giant world ending disasters by using powerful gems and the power of teamwork. And both believe in the real power of friendship. So, yeah. There’s bound to be a ton of fan series based on seeing these two worlds meet up. And hoo boy, Youtube sure seems to love hosting a ton of them.

The common theme in all the Sonic/My Little Pony Crossovers in this part is that they’re all going to be slideshows. There might be a few clips from the shows or games, maybe a piece of fanart or two, but 99 percent of the stuff in these videos is just going to be static text. Let’s start with the...highest quality one of the three brought up in this part, Sonic X Equestria by Speedstar Productions . The plot is nothing new. Eggman shows up to wreak havoc and Sonic must team up with the cast of My Little Pony, or Mane Six as they’re called, to help stop him. When I said most of these are just slideshows... I wasn’t kidding. The entire series will go from random screen cap to random promotional images, with text overlaid on the bottom. There is no original voice acting either, with the only voices that occasionally can be heard coming from the clips or sound bytes. There is no promised sense of consistency either, as photos of the characters can be pulled from different seasons, games, comics and shows all together. In this, Sonic is supposed to have his normal modern look but some screenshots are from Sonic Boom which is a show with different designs. Another example of this comes from shots of Twilight Sparkle. This show takes place in the My Little Pony world after Twilight becomes the princess of friendship and gets her own wings. Even shots from the first episode will use photos of her without them. It’s never actually a thing that matters to the show, as it acts like everything is on model, and that we can perfectly see everything that’s going on.

Another thing that this and many others like it seem to have in common is the idea that Sonic is the one doing all the work, while all the ponies just kinda...watch in the background. Sure, Twilight will pitch in with her magic every once in a while, but if Sonic’s taking on Eggman? He’s mostly going in solo. Sure, these ponies have easily taken on things like chaos incarnate, and powerful tyrants with black magic. But a man in a giant robot suit? Too unpredictable . Sure, one could argue that it’s because the mech being used in the fight only has images of Sonic fighting it...but in a later episode , the girls join in a fight that’s entirely animated! I shouldn’t be mad about this, yet I am!

Though..despite the rant, I still find myself enjoying watching this series. I can’t fully explain if it’s ironic or if it’s unironic. Maybe it comes from the fact that everyone still acts in character to their on-screen counter parts, leading to interactions that fans wanted to see. We want to see the ponies talk to Sonic characters, and help take down Eggman. The use of actual pictures from the shows and games helps too, making us help visualize it as if it were an actual episode. Maybe it comes from the fact that it feels like something I would watch in the early days of Youtube. The kinda low effort yet also decent attempt of trying to make events appear coherent in some way, even if the images shown aren’t the most in continuity. Though, episode 11 is literally the Shadic vs Nazo fight from Nazo Unleashed. Those things aside...this is still kind of a guilty pleasure watch that I’ll binge from time to time.

Sometime last year, I was looking up Nazo Unleashed videos late one night, due to that time bringing out a large sense of nostalgia for days gone. As I was looking, I saw a thumbnail that stuck out to me. Or rather...a title that stuck out to me, as well as a runtime that had my interest set to max.

The Adventures of Sonic in Equestria Nazo Unleashed The Movie HD , by Adam Selvig, is a title that feels like it should be one of those videos that promises an upload of a current movie in HD that only links to scam sites that will give your computer a virus. It isn’t that. This is a slideshow that’s the length of a movie. College lectures aren’t this long. The best way to describe this one is that Sonic and the ponies must come together to defeat Nazo as well Tempest Shadow, a character from the My Little Pony movie. Also, Sonic and Rainbow Dash have a daughter called Sondash, which is literally just art of a child Rainbow Dash. This series is weird. Another strange thing is that a lot of the channels posting Sonic / My Little Pony stuff in series like this...usually have around 1K subs. That’s nothing to any major Youtuber, but the idea that even just one thousand people subscribe to watch this stuff as soon as it comes out..is just mind blowing.

This film is part of a series, one that started all the way back in January of 2018. The playlist for this thing says that the series as of March 4th, 2019...is 103 videos long?! And with seemingly all of them in the 20 minute range...the question becomes, how long has Selvig been working on this thing, and does he have others help him with it? And again...why is it always Sonic that seems to be doing everything around here? Are the ponies just lazy now that an outsider is here?

The odd thing is that there are so many Sonic/My Little Pony crossover videos on Youtube, but when looked into, so many of them are the exact same content. Stills and transparent photos with clear backgrounds with text overlaid. And so many are able to get these creators at least a few hundred subscribers. In a surprisingly deep sea of similar executions, are there any left that stand out above the rest? Good news, there is at least one series that goes in another direction. In more mixed news, well…

This is Harmony and Chaos by Michael Evans. While originally popping up as text on gradient background sometime in 2017, the whole series is now being voiced over by its creator. That’s all this is. Text on a background while one man narrates over it in various voices. And for the most part, there isn’t much there at all in terms of action. Now, I’m only nine episodes in this seemingly sixty plus episode run with multiple seasons series, so I might be wrong. The main focus of this series is romance, and boy is there a lot of it. If there’s a male character from Sonic and a female character from My Little Pony that interact a lot in this thing, there’s a pretty good chance they’ll end up smooching somewhere on down the line. This sounds exactly like what many seem to see fan bases as general as, writing overly long amounts of fan fiction that are also chock to the brim with romance and needless drama. In this series, Rainbow Dash is getting a divorce from her husband who she thought was cheating on her, when really he only made it seem that way so that she wouldn’t have to know that he was dying from a deadly disease. It’s a move right out of the soap opera playbook.

Despite all of this, I find myself coming back to all of these series and watching them in huge chunks. It comes from a sense of odd curiosity on how the story is going to play out. It also helps that the people behind this stuff seem like just genuinely nice people that want to post their creations online and share it with the world. It’s just that the stuff they make is really weird, not bad, just strange. And even then, it’s not the most strangest thing on the net that’s out there.

Part Three: Big Adventures, Bigger Casts

The best way to start this final part was with an image. An image that perfectly tells someone everything they need to know, as well as absolutely nothing at all. Welcome to Pooh’s Adventures , a seemingly endless number of movies and tv shows that are “edited” to include characters from Winnie the Pooh, My Little Pony, Transformers, Thomas the Tank Engine and so, so many more. I put edited in quotes because really, does this count as editing in any way, shape or form? To give a basic plot outline of just about every single Pooh’s/Thomas’/Insert Character name here’s adventure, large group of characters are inserted into popular movie or show, where they help the main character of said movie or show against the antagonist who is now usually joined by other villains from various forms of media. Rinse and Repeat for every movie ever with vague hints of events from previous adventures running into this one. Take any movie, and there’s a good chance there’s at least the idea for a Pooh’s Adventures on it. Like for example Winnie The Pooh vs. Jaws , which while not a real movie as of this writing does have a devoted page on the fan wiki . And it seems to promise quite the cast of characters.

It can actually be somewhat hard in trying to find some of these, due to the fact that they’re just full movies with other copyrighted clips put in at random intervals. Those that are still up on Youtube seem to be the ones that use the most obscure of movies as their source . And just like with the Sonic/Mlp stuff, all of these channels seem to have at least a few thousand subscribers thanks to it. Of all the adventures that still remain on Youtube, Winnie the Pooh Goes to Hotel Mario / Pooh’s Adventures of Batman Forever is the one I’m most proud still remains. There is no connection between the two, besides the fact that both Hotel Mario and Batman Forever are both seen as surreal experiences that have very little connections to their source and are enjoyed in a “so bad it’s good” way.

There are still ways to find both older and newer uploads of the various adventures online. Many of the members will just upload their older stuff to Google Drive or Dropbox , and more recently, a lot of uploads are being moved to Pandora.tv, a mostly Korean based website where they can run ads on the video.

The wiki for this fandom is massive, with there being over thirty five thousand articles as of the time of this being written, with new ones being added or updated seemingly every few minutes. Most fantasy wikis can’t reach numbers that high! Though, most of the pages on it are bare-bones with only a single line or two for a ton of characters while others are pages clearly ripped right from other fandom wikis. There’s also ideas for series that are just the title and then nothing else, along with transcripts and posters put next to dozens of dead or empty links. For a site that seems so bloated and full, it’s actually pretty empty and hollow upon closer look.

I wanted to share all of this because so much of this resonates with me in some way, even Pooh’s Adventures , since I’d be lying if I said I haven’t thought up crossovers with insanely large casts that really should have nothing to do with each other.I guess in a way...I saw these all as the things I wanted to make but never knew how to. I’ve always wanted to animate, to tell my stories with these characters that I know and love to as many people as possible, to hear their feedback on all of it. That’s why I got so passionate talking about all certain moments or episodes, it’s all the things I would do! They’re people just like me, and that’s why I wish Mark Haynes the best in his life, why I’ll say the guys who work on the Sonic and My Little Pony seem like nice people. That’s why I’ll be so amazed by someone having a thousand subs or more. I see myself in these creations and the experiences of their creators. The pains of depression, the joy of seeing how their work has influenced others, the effort and care put into these things. I want to see them succeed and be supported, because that shows me that I can succeed too.

#informal essay #crossover #sonic the hedgehog #pooh's adventures #smbz #Super Mario Bros Z #sonic #super mario #Mario bros #nazo unleashed #My Little Pony #my little pony friendship is magic #dimension mix up #youtube #essay #calvin and hobbes #invader zim #fandom

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rather-impertinent · 6 years

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Cream Tea and Confrontation

A/N: I We’re probably going to get a version of this conversation in 4.05, but I wanted to share my take that I wrote ages ago. I don’t usually include Ross in my fics, much less write from his point of view, so I’d like to know what you think. Enjoy x

Ross Poldark was shown into the house by an unknown servant with a cold, strictly professional manner. He disliked the vast grandeur of this London townhouse unlike any other; it’s fruity smell and finely papered walls an unwelcome reminder of one of the most challenging times in his life.

He found Caroline in the parlour. She appeared genuinely glad to see him, though an air apprehensiveness coloured the room as they embraced, each planting a fond kiss on the other’s cheek. Ross found her just as strikingly beautiful as always, though noted the mischievous twinkle in her eye was dimmer, almost absent. And so she seemed, to Ross’s eye, reinvigorated by London society and yet wilting at the same time - like a rose whose stem drank greedily from the water of the vase but whose petals shied away from the glow of the sun. Caroline sipped her tea with elegance; fixing her gaze on the newly picked tulips on the lace-clothed table. She pretended not to feel his intense gaze.

Ross licked his lips, watching her closely, quite aware of her avoidance; and the question that had been bothering him for months finally broke through: “Are you angry with Dwight?”

There was a tense pause as their eyes met each other, both expressions smoothed into perfect indifference; outside they heard a group of women giggle and the click of horses hooves against the pavement as they passed by the open window.

“Yes,” she said finally, her shoulders slackening slightly as the weight of her confession lifted.

Ross nodded in acknowledgement; he had guessed she would be. Ross, too, had been angry with Dwight following Julia’s death, just as he had been angry with Francis; with Elizabeth; with Geoffrey Charles; with Demelza; with himself; with the birds in the tree; with the clouds in the sky; with the whole, entire, bitterly unfair world. “Because he did not tell you of Sarah’s illness sooner?” Ross guessed in a low voice.

“No,” Caroline said after a moment, almost gently. “No, not for that. I know he tried to... and in the end, I’m not sure how much difference it would have made...” She took a large sip of her tea and sighed heavily as she placed her cup down. “I find that I am angry. Angry at what, or whom exactly, I know not. I am just angry, Ross. I tell you this now because I do not suppose I could ever find another person who would understand the anger I feel. Dwight and Demelza are too gentle and kind to feel too much of such a thing... But we two are much alike in many ways.” She paused and inhaled. “It... consumes me. I see the flowers blooming in the garden and instead of picking a pretty bunch for the parlour I wish to hack them all to pieces with my riding crop for simply daring to exist. Oh, how ridiculous you must think I am!” She laughed nervously and took another sip of her tea, and if her hand was less steady than it was two minutes ago, Ross did not judge her for it. “As for Dwight...” she heaved a sigh and stared guiltily down at her hands, which were folded neatly on her lap, “Anger, I have learned, is much easier to navigate and overcome when you’ve someone to direct it at.”

Ross could tell this speech had been in Caroline’s head for some months. He considered her thoughts for a moment and presently said: “Blame is no substitution for acceptance.”

Caroline frowned at him, not even the energy to tease him with a comparison to Aristotle or Plato. “I do not understand what you mean.” She eyed him with caution.

He struggled with finding an explanation, not entirely trusting himself to find the right words. “When I - when we - lost Julia, Demelza was ill with the putrid throat, too, and so I hadn’t any real time to face what had happened as I was preoccupied with many other things. I assisted in collecting the cargo from a shipwreck and went to trial, as you well know. But before the trial, I spent all my time and energy working in the mine, avoiding Demelza and what had happened but in the end-“

“What is it that you’re trying to say, Ross?” she demanded, sensing some hidden meaning.

He did not hesitate before he continued. “What I am trying to say is that these things, these terrible, unfair things, are out-with the control of man. You will achieve nothing by remaining here in isolation from everyone you love and are loved by. These people,” he scoffed, gesturing to the busy streets of London outside, “care nothing for you, and you even less for them, I imagine.” He took a breath and softened his tone before he continued. “Sarah is gone, and though she is not coming back, what use is it to hide here pretending that she never was? Though you may pretend to be immune to the suffering that you feel, you also forget that you are not the only person hurt and affected by her loss, and you do him a great disservice by remaining here. Never have I seen him so...” Ross moved closer to Caroline and took her hand, willing her to look at him. “These are not the actions of the woman I have come to know and call my friend. It’s been months, do you not think the time has come to come home?”

Red flooded her cheeks, and she snatched her hand away, though she knew deep down that he was right. “How dare you!” she sniffed indignantly, her growing defensive anger outpacing the connection between her brain and her mouth. “I thought you came here for tea and a friendly catch up, not to lecture me like brute schoolmaster! I rather think the power of parliament has gone to your head!”

Ross’s jaw tightened, and he gritted his teeth together, his face turning to stone. The trouble with his friendship with Caroline, Ross found, was that they were very similar and so knew exactly which buttons to press to get a reaction. “And I thought we were friends, with whom honesty was valued at above all else! I am not prepared to sit here and assist you in continuing this facade, Caroline! I bid you good day.” He rose without a backwards glance and stormed across the room.

“Ross, wait!” He turned around and looked at her with expectation, his jawline still set in a tense line.

She wanted to apologise to him, to everyone, but the words remained stuck in her chest like the lava which swirls in a dormant volcano. “I’m... it’s...,” she breathed, blinking fiercely and gesturing hopelessly into thin air.

Ross sighed, his annoyance leaving his body, and took several paces towards her again. “I know,” he murmured, nodding in understanding. An advantage of their similarity and closeness was that they could understand each other with very few words being exchanged - a relief; for neither of them were very good at articulating their feelings where matters of the heart were concerned.

She smiled slightly, but it did not reach her eyes. “Before you storm out and leave me, you’ll still say hello to Dwight for me? And to Demelza and my godchildren?”

He approached the back of the chaise lounge and placed his hand on top of hers, where it rested on the wooden frame. This time Caroline did not pull away. He looked at her with soft, yet serious, eyes. “Why do you not return home with me now and say so yourself?”

She averted her gaze and shook her head gently. “No, I cannot. I cannot face it. Not quite yet, I fear.” She lifted her gaze to meet his eyes again. “But soon,” she said, her voice more certain. “Soon, I promise. Pray convey that to everyone. Soon I shall come out of hiding and once again face the cornflowers, but I fear I cannot do so just yet.”

Ross flashed a smile at her, his teeth becoming exposed, finally some good news to return with to Cornwall! “Oh, I will! Everyone will be so glad to hear so, they worry about you, you see.” A smile tugged the corner of his mouth as he thought of Demelza’s constant fretting for her friend, though Caroline and Demelza wrote to each other so often it was as though she had never left.

Caroline worried for them all too and missed them all beyond words. Some more than others. Her mouth twisted into a coy smile. “Do tell Dr Enys that I do not enjoy his substitution of neglecting me in person with that of neglecting my letters! But perhaps he has contracted some ghastly disease amongst his sick people which has rendered him unable to write?”

Ross’ laughter bounced off the walls of the Hatton Garden parlour. “I will call in at Killewarren on the way home to reprimand him in person,” he vowed, his hand on his heart. Glancing at the clock on the mantelpiece, he cursed quietly. “But now I really must go, or I shall miss my coach, and Demelza will be very upset.”

“We cannot have that!” Caroline leaned up and kissed Ross on the cheek. “Goodbye, then.”

He lifted her hand and placed a quick kiss on her knuckles. “Goodbye, Caroline.” He turned around and practically ran to the door, his pocket watch ticking incessantly in his hand.

“Captain Poldark?” her voice called just as he was about to step over the door frame.

He turned around once again, lurking in the doorway, a smirk playing on his lips at the formal address, “Yes?”

“Thank you.”

#poldark fanfic #ross poldark #caroline penvenen

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orangepunkwitch-blog · 6 years

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Tsk, so... A friend of mine and I plan to do a temporary banishing spell on someone. I have a “keep reading” link posted in case you don’t wanna scroll through the story just to get past it on your dash.

Ever since September, my husband and I started hanging out with two of our friends we’ve known since high school. We missed them dearly, and because of a lack of activity on FB, we didn’t even know we all still lived in this shithole of an area, and started hanging out. It’s helped me get back into socializing, so I don’t feel anxiety anymore speaking to anyone outside of the immediate household here thanks to a few years of damn near social isolation (largely because I haven’t been feeling well physically or mentally and whatnot). One of these friends grows and sells weed, and it was actually in September that I tried smoking it for the very first time. Ever since then, I’ve been using weed for my period cramps---I don’t require very much. Just enough to make it so my husband doesn’t have to stay home and help me go to the bathroom because I’m in too much pain to walk. Seriously, having a buddy who sells weed has amazing benefits. He gives me what he can for free because he’s just a damn good friend and wants to help me. So we usually just went over and smoked weed, got me used to what it’s like (though it’ll be a while before I can finally build some tolerance for it because I’m a light-weight with like... everything), and we’d hang out and whatnot.

So now I have something to look forward to every week. Several months later and we’ve become a little D&D group who has a blast with some other games like Cards Against Humanity, Liar’s Dice, and we watch some movies and anime if we got nowhere else to go. My parents are fully aware of this and, despite their political views and whatnot, they don’t see marijuana as this evil thing (largely because back in the 70s, my dad grew it, smoked it, sold it, etc. but that was of course a long-ass time ago). They knew the facts about it and told me to just be careful. My mental health has improved greatly as has my husband’s, and we regret not finding out about them still living in the area sooner.

Welp, this doesn’t come without its downs. You see, the good friend of ours who sells the weed? He lives with his mom. He did live on his own, got screwed out of some money, lived with the other friend mentioned in this story for a bit, and then his mom apparently made some sort of personal info legality threat against him (the dealer-buddy’s mom, not the other friend’s mom) and he ended up having to move in with her until he can figure something out.

This woman.... Holy shit...

She commands our friend around (from this point on, for privacy reasons, I’m going to refer to him as Buu and the other friend as Whis), making messes and commanding he clean it up. It’s summer already, and this past Thursday, she turns off the air conditioner and opens the windows when it’s 80 degrees outside. She claims it’s too hot, open the windows for some air circulation, etc. Buu usually turns on the air with windows closed when she’s not in the house, but she’ll throw a fit because she wants to save on the electricity bill (she’s made it to where she only pays $90 a month or some shit like that because she’s cheap as fuck, meanwhile the company for my parents’ electricity overcharges us and we can’t do shit about it).

Now, while the area knows Buu grows and sells weed and doesn’t care or mind (and this, surprisingly, includes his mom), he would still like some form of privacy. No, his mom wants the air conditioning off, all windows and doors open, etc. She’ll barge in without knocking, too. She’ll get nosy about what we’re doing or playing, and we’ll start throwing terms that confuse her just to get her to go away. She will walk around the house bitching to herself about something, and she’ll talk on the phone with whoever while on speakerphone and talk loudly. This woman will even walk in on you in the bathroom if the door isn’t closed and locked. She did that to me once just so she could do laundry (the washer and dryer are installed in the bathroom---the house has a nice set-up but my only complaint is there’s one bathroom and I always lived in a house with at least two). She’s walked in on her own son before, too, so it’s not just a personal thing against one of us or anything.

And if we confront her about anything, we have to walk on eggshells because Whis’ home (he also lives with his mother due to financial reasons but he’s saving up to move) is ridiculously small with missing or busted doors, and while we have a considerable amount of room here at my parents’, my parents go to bed at a certain time and we don’t want to wake them (ground-floor, not a two-story place). At least, we can’t hang out here until the garages are cleaned out, and I’m working on that, but I need my mom’s help going through some stuff and she works 6 days a week, so...

Last month or the month before, Buu’s mom went to Mexico for a week for a vacation. Buu had the whole house to himself for that week, and when we met up for that one day (my husband and Whis only had one day of the same day off that week), we played D&D in the dining room instead of his semi-cramped bedroom. All of our health problems were pretty much gone because we weren’t under some sort of stress, and actually had the most fun we’d had in years. Since then, we hadn’t had a day like that within Buu’s home. Closest we’d have is when we’re out and about, but we’re not guaranteed to run into any assholes, and we have.

For some reason, since she’d returned from Mexico, she’d been yelling or screaming at Buu through walls and such to make him do things far more often than before she went to Mexico. She doesn’t care he has guests over. And she’s yelled at my husband and Whis before, too. She’ll flip at the drop of a hat. However, she won’t yell at me because I’m a woman, which is odd. She actually calmed down when I first started hanging out, but that has since dissolved away. Now she’s in full-on bitch-mode, and won’t flip out directly at me.

It’s to a point where we can’t exactly say we’ve hung out much because she keeps making Buu do things even though he has guests and even though most or half the things she makes him do is all because of her fucking shit up or making the mess or whatever in the first place. But there was a straw that broke the camel’s back Thursday night that made me and Whis talk about in the car along with my husband on our way home.

Buu’s mom had a handgun on the island counter in the kitchen with the clip laying next to it. We don’t know if she legally opens the gun or not (I can’t remember if Buu clarified this with us yesterday or not, my flare-up was distracting me heavily yesterday), but my husband asked her right before we left what the gun was for. And she says that the neighbor’s dog likes to chase her on the ride-mower when she mows the lawn and she just fires into the air randomly to get the dog to go away. And she laughed about it. My husband, who is a gun-nerd knowledge-wise, said that you don’t just randomly fire a bullet into the air because that eventually comes down at high velocity (because bullets, believe it or not, tend to be heavy), and they could hurt or even kill someone or something. She didn’t believe him and told him to leave. He didn’t think to bring up the fact that people can trace the bullet’s serial-number to the purchaser and dust for her fingerprints until after we talked about it in the car on the way back. The three of us on the way home all agreed that we may not be as safe around this woman as we thought we were, that she could one day snap. But we need to buy some sort of time until I can get these damn garages cleaned out.

So Whis and I have decided we are going to have a ritual where we can have a temporary banishing spell. Temporary because she brings in more money than Buu, and he wouldn’t be able to pay all the bills and whatnot by himself. This will give us some time to have at least one day a week where we’re not going to be so damned stressed while the rest of my free week can be spent cleaning out the garages where I can by myself (there’s some heavy-lifted in the outer garage needed but the inner garage needs cleaned out, first). Perhaps her visiting with a distant relative or something for a month or so would help. Regardless, we have no other choice.

I’ve even done some divination and all signs point to the fact that Whis and I need to perform a banishing spell. Buu’s been catching those shield stinkbugs (they’re annoying and he just catches them in a D&D dice container that he has so he doesn’t have to deal with their stench) and we’re gonna use them as part of the ritual. This will have to take place after our trip to Pittsburgh, because there’s a metaphysical shop called Hocus Pocus that sells lots of ritualistic supplies, especially herbs, and Whis and I are gonna need as much stuff as we can get for this to work. It’ll probably be a bit of a lengthy ritual, too.

Whis has more experience in witchcraft than I do, but I’ve been pretty damn successful in my craft so far, especially when it comes to protection as well as banishing my nasty maternal grandmother’s spirit from my parents’ home and sending her to my aunt. So I’d imagine we should be good doing our own part in this. I share this because I’m letting you know this will be my first ritual performed with another witch, and I will let you know how things went after the ritual and a while after that if it worked in case you are curious as to whether or not shield stinkbugs make for a good use in a banishing ritual.

Wish us luck that this might work, because we don’t know what else to do until we get these two garages cleaned out.

#personal-ish #gotta do another banishing spell #I really hope this works

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firewritten · 6 years

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10 More Questions!

I was tagged by @summerkiska to do another 10 questions. And such awesome questions they are! Thank you for the tag, and I hope it helps with the getting to know each other. :)

My 10 Questions

1. What’s a line in your current WIP that you’re proud of (or just like a lot)?

Oh. I was going to post a whole passage but then I realized that “like a lot” meant liking that one line a lot, not a lot of lines that you’re proud of. ;)

Okay, well, let’s go with this line from a recent Emo Pistols chapter.

But there is no one around to answer your questions, and the musty old store with the piles of junk under dim lighting and the wizened shopkeeper with the creepy laugh has been replaced by a shiny new coffee house with skinny and damp baristas who set your tall mocha frappuccino on fire as they serve it to you, saying, “This is for your bad taste in glasses!”, and you walk home with a heavy heart, knowing that you have to use the flaming coffee to dispose of your loved ones, who leer at you as you enter the front yard, saliva dripping from their lolling tongues as the smell of your brain reaches their nostrils.

2. What’s a question that you wish people would ask you about your writing? (And what’s the answer??)

Hmmm. Once someone told me "I know you like Sims stories but you have the talent for original fiction", which my reaction was something like, "Oh, my Sims story about a narrator with no gender or name traveling around various universes with its friend the darkness, a conscious bit of the void who can wear anything as a skin, isn't original enough for you?"

So, maybe the question would be "Why do you write Sims stories?"

And my answer would be because they're extremely fun and addictive and I love improvising with the game and I love taking the screenshots and editing them and putting the pictures and the words all together to tell the story. I love seeing what I can come up with based on the game and all its absurdities. It makes me really really happy.

And also over the years people in the Sims community have sometimes come out of the woodwork to tell me what my work means to them, from helping them get through their mother dying from cancer to helping them deal with their own feelings of isolation and anxiety, and that their life is better because my Sims stories exist.

3. What’s your favorite part of the writing process?

I guess actually writing? There’s not much else to the process really for me. I don’t usually plan or do outlines or anything. I just start typing, and I see what happens.

I’ve noticed that outlines and plans are big around here, and I think that’s cool because I like it when people’s brains work differently from mine and I get to learn about things that I haven’t experienced and read things that my brain would not have come up with. But the most outlining I’ve ever done is a few lines of “hey, this could happen maybe” before starting a new chapter, and I haven’t done that since...2011?

I just kind of....feel the story out? I reread what I’ve already written constantly, and I feel what the story wants. I don’t know how to say it, really. A lot of writing is subconscious for me. I start typing, and I get in the zone, and it’s like everything is green and golden and beautiful and the story is flowing through my fingers and I’m one with the universe and on the good days it can be like seeing the face of God.

4. What song best fits the theme of your WIP main character? (And why?)

Seth has hundreds of songs across dozens of playlists, but two stick out. Old school Seth’s main song was Possum Kingdom, by the Toadies. Emo Pistols Seth is the healthiest and least murderous version of him I’ve written, so Arsonist’s Lullabye by Hozier is more his speed.

Possum Kingdom fits perfectly with his role in his first story, In the Valley of the Sun, where he was the villain and he was intent on killing the main character and then bringing her back to life with ambrosia and keeping her with him forever. :)

In Emo Pistols he’s the main character, and he’s writing letters to two penpals. He is actually trying to work on his issues and figure things out. He’s had a lot of trauma around fire in his life. You can read about him as a teenager here - Eggshells. His father was blamed for a fire at the factory where he worked. 10 people died in it. His father survived, but he was severely injured and his mental health never recovered. The kids he went to school with did not let him forget that.

In Emo Pistols he’s an adult and married. He became an alchemist, and he was working on experiments in his lab when a fire broke out. He almost died of smoke inhalation, and the trauma reawakened the scars from his childhood. Same backstory as Valley. Just at this point in Valley, he went to the dark and became the villain. In Emo Pistols, he’s trying to, well, keep his demons on a leash. ;)

Okay, I am verbose and this is getting long, so I'll put a cut.

5. What habits or rituals do you have for writing sessions?

I have to take a shower and eat first, because I need clean hair and calories to write, and then I always have a playlist relevant to the story I’m working on going.

6. What’s one piece of advice you wish you were given when you first started your writing journey?

I don’t know what advice six year old me would have understood. But I guess...I grew up with people who loved my writing. My teachers and the other kids at school always praised my work, like to the extent of giving me a standing ovation in 8th grade when I read my essay on beauty out loud. So the first time I got hate online it was a totally new experience, and it knocked me sideways.

I don’t know that I would have wanted someone to tell me this though. I had to learn it the hard way, but that means that I’ve really learned it and that I’ve taken it to heart and that I’ve struggled to come to terms with it and that I can empathize with other people in that situation. But the advice I would give a young writer who came to me now upset about people hating their work is this:

Our view of reality is curved around our ego. Our experiences and prejudices and problems are the lens through which we see the world. Other people bring their own stuff to your work. You can listen to them and see if what they say has any merit, but remember that they may not be seeing your work at all. They may only be seeing themselves reflected back at them. What they say has no bearing on the value of your work, which is of infinite worth just like everything else in creation.

Also, after seeing a movie or watching a TV show that you like, go and look at what other people say about it. You’ll see that some people seem to have watched something entirely different than you did. The work is the same, but we all see different things when we look at it. It’s up to you whose view of your work you let in.

7. Who was your first book character crush? (Or if you can’t remember, who’s your favorite book character crush?)

Sherlock Holmes. My sixth grade literature textbook had a play version of The Dying Detective, and I immediately fell in love. We didn’t have the internet then so I didn’t write it and publish it online, thank goodness, but I had self-insert fanfic daydreams of going back in time and chilling with Holmes and Watson all the time.

8. What’s one of your writing pet peeves?

The arguments in the writing community. I don’t know, I guess it’s because I grew up in Appalachia and went to rural working class schools and didn’t get socialized into mainstream American middle class culture or something, but seriously, guys. All the genres can be special. All kinds of books can have worth. You don’t have to insult other styles and writers and books. You don’t have to show off whatever it is you think you’re showing off with “literary” stuff and you don’t have to show off your “common man” cred with yelling about how much you hate classics and literary fiction. Just chill. Let other people read and write what they want. It’s not that important.

9. Who’s your favorite character in fiction that you loved to hate?

This is hard. I don’t like hating. I like liking people and things. But I guess if there is one that gets mentioned around here fairly often in conversations with the spousal person, it’s book five Harry. And even that’s not hate. Dude had a reason to be annoying and emo and whiny, and really all it needed was an editor to slim it down some.

Kylo Ren is annoying, but that’s not hate either. He’s too pathetic for hate.

Going back to Harry Potter, Umbridge, maybe? She’s a good representation of everything I dislike in humans, and a much better villain than Voldemort.

10. What are you currently trying to work on when it comes to growing as a writer? (And how’s it going??)

Hmmm. This is a good question, because actually I don’t know.

I was reading something online and for some reason there was a line break in the word sunlight, so s was the end of one line and unlight was the beginning of the next. I looked at “unlight” for a while, and now I’m all about words that make the spellchecker yell at me. Like in Emo Pistols Seth talks a lot about the sun wanting to eat him, so there’s teethlight and sunbelly. Toomuch and notenough. Me and notme. Starteeth halos. A chapter of Surreal Darkness is titled The Unswallowing Place. I want to stretch the language and make it do tricks.

I think it’s going okay. I’ve been writing for a long time, and at this point a lot of it is muscle memory. Like I talk about how much I love taking hours to find the right word, but really it doesn’t take that long anymore. I guess now instead of finding the right word, it’s more like “How can I combine words in new ways and make them do new things? How can I take cardboard and caramel and doors and the sun and make them explain what it means to Seth to be human? What can I do with the edges of the Sims 4 worlds and making my characters walk in the flat places with painted-on mountains and trees, and what can I make that say about reality and skins and being and friendship?”

Hmmm. That probably sounds terribly pretentious if you don’t know me yet, lol. I like to think that it’s not, though. I guess you can read it and see how it looks through your experiences. :)

Okay, now I have to do the 10 questions thing. I'll tag @etherayy, @lazyfox411, @fuckenwhatever, and @somethingwriterly. If you don't wanna do it that's perfectly fine.

1. When did you first become interested in writing?

2. How did the idea for your current WiP come to you?

3. What other authors/life events/etc. influences your writing?

4. What are your hopes for your work?

5. What would you want the book cover for your current WiP to look like? (If it's not a book, then any kind of illustration pertaining to it.)

6. Have you noticed any repeating themes or imagery in your work? If so, what are they?

7. What are your writing strengths?

8. What have you learned about yourself through your work?

9. How would you define art?

10. What's your favorite word?

#tagged #writeblr meme #10 questions #tag game #writeblr

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