#why can’t i beleive people love me

[queerwhohatesithere]

hey guys. what do you do when you actually want to kill yourself. pls don’t report this post or anything, im okay or will be

my biggest support right now is my cat. my apartment is deteriorating and i’m moving soon. i can barely muster the energy to eat, and i can’t afford food so i’m relying on whatever i already have and food banks. i had to ask for money in discords i’m in and i’m humiliated. and SA tw, i was raped last saturday. despite knowing that people always say, “it’s not your fault” it fucking feels like it. one of my biggest supports didn’t believe me that last time i was assaulted (long story) and it WRECKED me. she believes me on this. she always believes me. just had/has a blind spot for that one person. it hurts. it hurts so fucking bad. i have chronic fatigue and chronic pain so i never feel rested and my muscles are aching asf. i haven’t had the motivation to brush my teeth and can tell i have cavities i can’t afford to fix. if i want to get into the college i want i’ll have to do school full time in the fall and work less. i’m already struggling financially. i don’t know how i’m going to do it, and i have so much school ahead of me. this is my first semester and it’s already killing me. i’m trying to cope. i’m trying to check the facts. going to my DBT group. but it takes everything out of me to go to work, to barely get my schoolwork done and not have the motivation most nights to work on it. to feed my cat. and i share my dog with my ex and haven’t had him the last week but when i do have him, it takes everything in me to take him outside. all my money is going to lyft and uber bc the buses are unreliable. on the weeks i have my dog i can’t take the bus home even if i wanted to bc i’ll be home later and he’ll have been crated for too long. even this new fucking taylor album just feels dull. it feels like nothing can make me happy anymore. i feel utterly devoid, broken, and unwanted. i have too much going on and too much to do but can’t shed any of my responsibilities. i just. want to shrivel up into a ball and die. but what’s worse is knowing i don’t actually want to die, i want to live. i just feel like i can’t go on like this. and it sucks. the one form of sweet release i could have i can’t have. i’m disillusioned by anything i could try that wouldn’t permanently disfigure me if i fail. so i know that even if i DO make another attempt, i’ll end up right back in that hospital. and no one will visit me.

just. anything! anyone reading this! i feel like i’m shouting into the void! please. give me anything, any semblance of hope, any reason to keep going, any coping skills you have. i’m grasping at straws but i’m desperate. i’m trying SO hard to survive but i’m losing weight again and being hungry all the time makes me tired and cranky. i feel like im losing my mind, and im so scared, all the time.

how you deal with the person you loved most in the world leaving you? and literally thinking you’re crazy, saying that to your face.

with having memory issues to where i can’t even remember when she apologized.

with being in pain. all the time. all the fucking time.

how? how do i deal? how do i cope? how do i LIVE?

#chatters #genuine responses only please #like. i can’t afford to go to the hospital #i can’t afford to miss work #i can’t afford to miss school #i’m stressed #i’m low on money #i don’t have a car #i’m heartbroken #i feel. so alone #i’m trying to talk to friends but #they’re busy #or have stuff going on #the place i’m most active rn and receive the most attention and affection is a trans kinky discord server #with people who don’t live anywhere near me #i’m desperate. #i know it gets easier #it has before #but i’m SO fucking tired #i feel unloved and unwanted #i feel betrayed #and when people acknowledge me #tell me they’re proud of me #it just #doesn’t sink in?? #why? why can’t i hear it #why can’t i beleive people love me #and why do i destroy every good thing in my life #i hace a therapist but i don’t like her. i need a new one and called like 6 different people #and nothing. except being told one of them is only psychiatry

[daffodilsonaprettystring]

Ok so my sister helped me come to a major realization just now and I’m gonna rant so bear with me here—

the ONLY reason I read Red White and Royal blue back in 2022 after months of hearing about it on TikTok and going “Ehhh I’ll get to that later” is because Heartstopper season 1 dropped and I watched it all in one night because NICK NELSON. THE BISEXUAL AWAKENING. THE PANIC REALIZING oh Shit well that’s not a Straight thing to do AND THEN REALIZING oh Shit well I guess that means IM not straight and having to rethink your whole existence because god if you didn’t notice this about yourself what else haven’t you noticed?? And the like thought process you go through learning to accept that part of yourself because ultimately it’s always been there and why should it be any different now just because of who you love and all of that (And of course the absolutely heart-exploding wonderfullness that is Nick and Charlie❤️❤️❤️)—

I needed more of all of that, because it felt so much like what I went thru realizing I was bi and god it felt like a miracle to see it represented so well?? On screen and in the comic. So yeah I finally turned to this other book I’d been hearing about for AGES because I was told Alex was also bi and had a bi awakening and that Henry and Alex’s love story was to DIE FOR And like… GOOD GOD. PEOPLE WERE RIGHT.

“Straight people probably don’t spend this much time convincing themselves they’re straight” “See this means I can’t possibly be into guys” “in an instant of sudden vivid clarity, he can’t beleive he ever thought he was straight”

Excuse me Casey McQuiston who gave you permission to invade my brain like wtf like you really just took my entire thought process and just splatted it into Alex’s brain like that wasn’t gonna kick me in the chest??

Anyway all this to say— holy SHIT. it’s come full circle for me all over again this year. Heartstopper season two comes out in like less than 48 hours, and I’m going to fall in love with it all over again. And then a little over a week later, the RWRB movie will drop and I’ll fall in love with THAT all over again!!

I’m feeling very emotional and sentimental about all my favorite characters being brought to life either again or for the first time and god these adaptations mean so much to me I can’t wait to absorb them into my fucking soul😭😭😭😭 THIS is why we need things like these THIS is why we need joyful stories that we can see ourselves in

I’ll stop being sappy now but good GOD I love August this year

#firstprince #nick and charlie #heartstopper #red white and royal blue movie #red white and royal blue #rwrb #henry fox mountchristen windsor #alex claremont diaz #nick nelson #charlie spring #alice oseman #casey mcquiston #heartstopper season 2

[megatronsmegatitties]

———🍄——————🍄🍄——————🍄———

WOO!!! INTRO TIIIIIIME

Hello there! We are the Timekeeper System!

We collectively go by the name Alex/Forest or you can call us Timekeeper or Time if you want! We go by any pronouns other than she/her (including any neos, so feel free to violently neopronoun us :D) and identify as transmasc and biromantic asexual. We are an OSDD-B1 system (undiagnosed bc we’re minor bodied) of far too many/hj and likely have autism, adhd and the parents think we have dyslexia so mayhaps that too. :D oh yeah and tics (likely Tourettes but we can’t get the diagnosed quite yet)

———🪷——————🪷🪷——————🪷———

The alter you’ll likely be interacting with the most is me I go by Blood Lust (just call me Lust, it’s easier yk) or Moth. I use any pronouns (again including neos so pls use those) I am our current host! I am pansexual, demitomantic and alexigender (genderfluid +more confusion/hj) I’m also polyamorus (why have one bitch when you can have 5? FIVE??? Why have 5 bitches when you can have 9? NINE???/ref) no but seriously, I’m dating 9 people XD I have become that audio XDD

———🌸——————🌸🌸——————🌸———

DISCLAIMERS

•We are queer

•We are a system

•We are very much mentally ill

•We aren’t going to mask for your personal comfort, that’s your problem not mine

•We use xenogenders and neopronouns (shocker I know/sar)

•We are a minor

•I am not going to be nice to anyone who knowingly breaks out DNI

———🍁——————🍁🍁——————🍁———

Please Interact

•One Punch Man fans

•Demon Slayer fans

•Cookie Run Kingdom players (screw devshitters though)

•Cookie Run Ovenbreak players (same as above)

•A Series Of Unfortunate Events Fans (bonus points of you’ve read the books)

•The Batman (2022) fans

•Fresh (2022) fans

•Hazbin Hotel fans (I don’t support the creator, I just like the series)

•helluva Boss fans (still don’t support the creator)

•Doors fans/players

•Danganronpa fans (also don’t support the creator)

•Corpse Party fans (PLEASE INTERACT I LOVE CORPSE PARTY SM BUT THE FANDOM IS SO DEAD ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY ANYMORE)

•DDLC fans

•Cooking Companions fans

•Omori fans

•YTTD fans

•HTTYD fans

•Fans of the show ‘Ghosts’

•Fans of the band ‘Ghost’

•Fans of the character ‘Ghost’

•CoD fans (the babygirlification ones)

•Xenogender/neopronoun/xenopronoun users

•Mentally ill people

•The Gays

•Systems

•Pet/Age regressors

•Therians

•furrys

•Cosplayers

•Basically anyone deemed “cringe”

———🌹——————🌹🌹——————🌹———

Thin ice bro

•Non-Endo supporters (you aren’t one but support them, idk how to word it)

•People we know IRL (minus like- 3 people)

•Dislike any media stated in the please interact (if you don’t like it bc of the creators that’s fine though, I completely understand that)

•Christians (nothing personal, religious trauma)

•cishet allosexexual, alloromantic, monogamous allistic people (not trans, heterosexual, non-asexual spectrum, non-aromantic spectum, non polyamorus non-autistic people)

•if you dislike moths, cats, bats, cacti and/or Halloween

•“Cats<dogs”

•MHA fans

•The new ST fans (yk the ones)

•Genshin Impact Fans

———🥀——————🥀🥀——————🥀———

Holy Shit DNI Dude

•Proshitters

•Transphobes, Homophobes, Abelists, Rascists ect.

•Transmeds/TERFs/TWERTs

•Anti xenogenders/neopronouns ect.

• Anti otherkin, age/pet regre, therian ect.

•Anti self-diagnosis

•Fakeclaimers

•Beleive in disorder abuse (narcissistic abuse ect)

•Misuse tone tags

•Pro-Life/Anti-Abortion

•Make fun of Triggers/TWs

•General assholes

• Claim to be a system and are anything other than traumagenic

———🌲——————🌲🌲——————🌲———

More about us (because why not)

Fave music artists/bands:

•Ghost

•Mother Mother

•The Living Tombstone

•Jazmin Bean

•Poppy

•David Bowie

•Night Club

•Rabbit Junk

•Crim3s

•Grimes

•Mitski

•Crawlers

Hyperfixations:

•Doors

•Demon Slayer

•One Punch Man

•CRK

•CROB

•Corpse Party

•Anything related to Horror/True Crime

Frequent fronters

-Lust

-Genos

-Saitama

-Venom

-Darth Maul

-Rusty Venture

-Sergeant Hatred

-Calculester

-The Spot

———🪴——————🪴🪴——————🪴———

#xenogenders #cookie run #cr kingdom #crob #cookie run kingdom #cookie run ovenbreak #osdd fictive #one punch man #doors roblox #demon slayer #corpse party #the band ghost #ghosts bbc #jazmin bean #mother mother #the living tombstone #poppy #night club #david bowie #rabbit junk #mitski #crawlers #crim3s #grimes #furrys #therian #xenopronouns #neopronouns #yttd #how to train your dragon

[new-royston-cursebreakers]

(I am Hopping in your Asks for the character pen pal game! This letter is from Tooth to Cricket)



Dear Cricket,

Hello, my name is Tooth! In case you wanted to know, I picked out that name myself! I’m 11 years old and I’m 5 feet and 2 inches. I heard you’re 1 foot tall, but I’m finding that really hard to beleive. But I guess I don’t really have room to say that cause I can speak to ghosts. 👻

My school is making us write letters to pen pals and I thought your name sounded interesting because I love bugs! My friends are named Spider, Beetle, and Bee. You could fit right in! My favorite bugs are 🪲 stag beetles, rolly-pollies, and cicadas (I like to scare my brother Morgana with their skins). Here’s a fun fact: some cicadas spend 17 years underground for a huge chunk of their life, which is longer than I’ve been alive! What are your favorite bugs/bug facts? 👀

Do you want to hear about the gang me and my friends made? Too bad! >:p We play with ghosts and sometimes even help them pass on if they’re nice enough to tell us stories. Places like shut down parks, 🏫 schools, or wearhouses are the best place to find ghosts! Personally, if I was a ghost, I wouldn’t want to die somewhere I knew would become empty and boring. Maybe at a 7 11 where everyone goes so that it won’t be hard to find me.

Anyway, I hope you see this letter and I hope I labeled it correctly!

From,

Tooth 🦷

Hi Tooth!

Glad to report that you labeled that letter correctly! Now let’s hope that I did, too. I like your name, too. I didn't get to pick mine, it was just a nickname from my parents that stuck, but I wouldn't pick anything else. I got it because I can imitate a cricket chirp perfectly! Anyway, I’m glad to hear from you! I was afraid I’d get a letter in the program from someone boring who only wants to know why I’m so small and nothing else.

To get that out of the way: yes, I am small! I’m 14 years old and a bit taller than 11 inches. It’s funny what people will believe when it comes to magic and the supernatural. My friend, Auster, runs an apothecary with his family, and they’ll get people calling them snake oil salesmen and calling his magic a hoax—in the cursed town! But I guess it’s different when it’s right in front of you. In fact, I was a bit skeptical when you mentioned ghosts, but then I took a step back and figured that maybe New Royston just doesn’t have a lot of ghosts. Though there have been some spooky things going on, so maybe I just can’t see or hear them. Got any tips?

Anyway! Yes, I love bugs, and I’m so glad to have a pen pal who also likes bugs! I’ve never met a stag beetle, but my friend Monty’s family’s farm raises rolly-pollies! Among other bugs: crickets, dragonflies, and a couple others. I’ve never met a cicada either since the last time our brood emerged was in 1996, so I’ll have to wait a few years yet. I do wish you wouldn’t scare your brother with their skins, since so many people just crush bugs when they see them because they’re scared and so many people think I’m crazy for liking bugs or make faces at me when I try to talk about bugs, but I can understand the temptation. Monty and I scared some people in our elementary school with dragonfly nymphs when we were little. My favorite bug fact is that some ants are farmers. They’ll grow crops of fungus and keep cattle in the form of aphids since they secrete sugar.

I can understand wanting to die somewhere where there’d be a lot of activity. I get pretty lonely with my parents not home a lot, and I wouldn’t want to feel that kind of loneliness forever. Maybe, if I could choose where to die, I’d die at the school, so I could always listen in as generations of students pass through. This school’s been here for hundreds of years, and it’s the only high school in town, so I doubt it’d be abandoned anytime soon. But at the same time, I catch glimpses of those ghost shows with those people walking around screaming “Hello?! Is anyone there?! Show yourself! AAHH DID YOU HEAR THAT?!?!?” and I just feel bad for the ghost. I wouldn’t wanna be annoyed like that all the time. I guess ghosts have it rough no matter which way you spin it!

It’s really nice that you help them pass on. Like I wrote, I don’t think New Royston has a lot of ghosts, but just in case, how do you go about contacting and helping ghosts? Doesn’t it ever get dangerous, like if they’re mad? Also you said you play with ghosts, so what kinds of games can ghosts play? I imagine they’d be way too overpowered in a game like hide and seek. They could just go between two walls and they’d never get found!

Anyway, thanks for writing to me. Hope to read more from you soon!

Cricket

#character pen pals #held in darkness 🦗 #ty for the letter! I was gonna write from eneas to tooth before i decided that caelan to frasier might be a better fit #so i'm glad i still got to meet this fella :)

[elytrafemme]

and to be totally and honestly a little selfish here, yeah i do get angry and i do distrust when ppl seem to figure out a mental health diagnosis within 5 minutes. and obviously this is not a good metric, what i think is wrong or not, bc i have no authority and sometimes this DOES happen but i think its like internal frustration bc like.

idk with my BPD right its like. to recap ppl (mostly w/ BPD) have told me i had BPD since i was 13 and for reasons i like belieeved that heavily then completely discredited it but for years i was trying 2 seek an explanation for these things throwing my emotions off entirely and i would fight with my therapist like. why can’t you just tell me. and she’d go i don’t do diagnoses and also i don’t know. and i’d get angrier and angrier. 

and eventually what got me to the BPD revelation was (1) ppl w/ BPD i knew pushing like “yeah you should definitely look into it”  (2) heavy heavy HEAVY research like 2+ years worth of consulting every possible source abt BPD and continual research and learning even now and (3) my therapist and i kinda coming to terms with like... ill never get a diagnosis but my symptoms do match up and its the best way to explain it and the best way to find people who relate and so she doesnt blame me for telling ppl i have BPD. which shes anti diagnosis but i take all of that as a sign of like... yeah ok. 

but the point is ive been fucking invested and researching BPD and literally have gone through EVERY OTHER EXPLANATION. to try and rule out what it could be. and ive had to reconsider seriously “why do i want a diagnosis? do i want to find this?” ive put in so much fucking work just to get to this point where people still do NOT beleive me even the people closest to me and its not that they doubt me but they just they don’t get what im saying they dont listen.

so when someone tells me “wait... maybe I have BPD lmao” bc i inarticulately explained something and had to water out all the portions that make it like a really really shitty thing for ppl who love me to hear its like. idk. i get upset.

#nightmare.personal #dont rb again srry for my rambles

[mooncaps]

I think it's probably always going to bother me that I can't reconcile the religion I was raised in with my identity.

I think it mostly boils down to a fear of death. I want to believe in eternal life after death, but I know wanting it to be true doesn't make it true. I'm left feeling like if I want to believe my mom's right about eternal life, then my identity has to be wrong. Or if I want to believe in my identity, then my mom has to be wrong about eternal life.

And at the same time, there are some days where that tiny spark of fear that there really is an afterlife (and I really will be judged) is the only thing that keeps me from killing myself.

And with or without religion, I'm never gonna feel safe enough to live the life I want to live. I'm just enduring to the end in the life I have on the mingled hope and fear that there might be something after this life. This latest wave of transphobia would've already convinced me to end my life in moments of emotional dysregulation if it weren't for that little spark of fear that I would be punished for it in the afterlife.

And it's probably a testament to how indocrtinated I am, but I can't get my brain to entertain the idea that any other religion could be true. My mind just tells me that either my mom's church had the truth, or no one has it. Anything else would feel like I'm just talking myself into what I want to be true, but I don't think I'll ever lose that fear that the church is really true and I'm just a sinner deluding myself into whatever belief system supports my sinful life.

And yet there's too much of the church that overlaps with psychological manipulation for me to let myself believe the church is true. So much of it sounds like stuff that would be an immediate red flag for a psychologically abusive boyfriend, but is apparently appropriate if it's coming from God. If I wanted to manipulate people, the first thing I'd offer them is a way around death and the promise of a better life than this one. Then I'd offer them a sense of community and belonging. Humans near-invariably want these things so they'd make powerful motivational tools. Not to mention a host of more complicated social pressures and other manipulations.

And even if I wanted to believe in the church and could somehow find enough faith to believe that it's not psychological manipulation, I'd still have to let go of my identity. And even if the church were to suddenly reverse course on queer identities, that would just make it harder to believe in the truth of it, because why would objective truth be inconsistent?

It all just leaves me in a place of feeling like I can't fully embrace my truest self and I'm too afraid to fully let go of that fear of God. I feel very much stuck in the middle. And either talking myself back into accepting God or talking myself into fully rejecting God both feel like losing.

Am I just a broken brain that needs to be turned back to God's path? Am I just too deeply indoctrinated to think clearly, even after years of not going to church? Is my mom following corrupt liars who pretend to speak for God? And even if she is, I don't wanna be the one to tell her that. I'm even more afraid that she'd kill herself if she didn't believe in God than I am for myself.

I want to be able to beleive in an eternal life after death and a God who loves trans people, not in spite of their so-called "sins," but because of their unique spirits. I don't know if I'll ever be able to believe that though. And the alternative is even scarier. A world with no God, where these few decades of life is all I'm ever gonna get and I have to spend them living with transphobia and capitalism hanging over my head all the time. I think I'd rather believe I'm a sinner and continue choosing sin in spite of that than believe that this life is all there is.

#stuff about me #nonbinary #transgender #queer posts #social issues

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

Chat Noir: I don’t understand why Marinette can’t come back

Chat Noir: did you see how amazing Multimouse was?

Ladybug: WHy can’t you accept that Marinette’s not cut out to be a superhero?

Chat Noir: she literally used both of our Miraculouses at once while also using her own power but go off I guess

Ladybug: that was a one-time thing, she did her job well, and I’m glad, but that doesn’t mean she’ll be useful in every possible situation

Chat Noir: *deep breath*

Chat Noir: she’s an actual fashion genius, she has connections to like, every celebrity, she’s rediculously caring and can get people to be her friend in like 2 minutes, she’s probably the smartest girl in her class, she’s a brilliant artist and a buisinesswoman at age 14,

Ladybug:...

Chat Noir: she’s an incredible baker, she looks absolutely stunning with her hair down which maybe isn’t relevent but like she could probably deevilize some akumas just by looking at them, she has this sparkle that she gets in her eyes once she has a plan and it’s like you know you can trust her with your entire being, she never backs down from a challenge, she glows so bright she could make others seem dull if she wanted but instead she just spreads light everywhere she goes so when you’re near her you feel lightheaded but in a good way, She-

Ladybug, amused that Chat Noir seems to have fallen for her as a superhero again: Wow, chaton, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you have a crush on Multimouse

Chat Noir, panicking because he doesn’t want Ladybug to think he’s unfaithful: what? no no no no no that’s crazy talk I don’t have a crush on Marinette. I just have... a friend who’s super in love with her and he always rambles about how crazily awesome she is which is why I accidentally started talking about her using the same phrases he does

Chat Noir: yeah that’s my explanation

Ladybug: *eyeroll* That’s totally beleivable

Chat Noir: stop teasing me, I’m telling the truth!

Ladybug: and who is this mystery friend?

Chat Noir: I can’t tell you because... secret identity reasons

Ladybug: wow what a convient excuse

Chat Noir, struggling to think of someone who wouldn’t contradict his claims that Chat Noir is friends with them and also who obviously has a crush on Marinette: um

Chat Noir: it’s Adrien Agreste

Chat Noir: he’s had this enourmous crush on her forever and he refuses to stop gushing about her

Chat Noir: he’s always just like “oh my God, Marinette looked at me today, I can’t believe how lucky I am,” or like “hey look at this amazing lucky charm Marinette made for me” or like “wow I didn’t even realize Marinette’s in the background of my Instagram photo, I can’t believe I was that close to her, this is proof we were meant to be married”

Chat Noir: it’s kind of annoying actually

Chat Noir: but like, in a cute way

Chat Noir: *hahaha I’m a genius*

Chat Noir:...

Chat Noir: Oh shoot Ladybug are you ok? What did I do? Why are you crying?

#adrienette #marichat #miraculous ladybug #chat noir #ladybug #mlb #miraculous #1k

[miahasahardname]

I AM HAROLD HUTCHINS, FUCK YOU, I’M GOING TO MAKE A MASSIVE COMPARISON, READ NOW!

MY HYPERFIXATION MADE ME DO IT

Ok, ok, ok, ok, ok, lemme calm down a bit. I tend to get like, REALLY hyper when it comes to talking about my hyperfixation (Captain Underpants!!), so this may or may not seem like a rant, but please, I am literally IDENTICAL to Harold Hutchins, the amazing, wonderful, gorgeous, marvelous, beautiful, splendid, spectacular little child. So, uh, here are some amazing similarities!!!

Harold Hutchins is an ADHD icon. Before reading book 12, I had no idea what ADHD was. (Yes, I know book 4 mentions ADHD first, but I had that copy in Polish first and what in the everloving fuck is ZDUN?!) Yeah, my best friend has it, and I new that, but he called it hyperformia and we had no idea what it was actually called (we were in Primary 5, the legal still-allowed-to-be-a-dumbass age) so yeah, didn’t see the connection. So I looked it up and found SO MANY SYMPTOMS, most of which I could relate to on multiple levels. Being an idiot nine year old, I instantly decided “Yeah, I have this.” and then learned that self diagnosis is wrong! BUT it turns out I was RIGHT, after a lovely trip to the phsycologist when I was… twelve? Eleven? So yes, I too have ADHD just like the amazing Harold! (When I was younger I was an idiot, because I liked the characters and my friend a lot and their lives seemed fun, I thought the disorder was also fun, I was wrong, it really sucks, especially when you’re not on medicine.) By the way, I am PISSED that Cap. U is like the ONLY ADHD representation I can find. WHY?!

We can both be used as a mop. Crazy haired blondies, rise up! Headcanon, someone has DEFINETLY flipped Harold upside down and ACTUALLY used him as a mop. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to get all that dirt out his hair that evening.

You’re attracted to the opposite gender? I dunno, that’s kinda gay. I got book 12 on my ninth birthday, actually, and started reading it in the car when we were driving to Edinburgh with the intent of partying. I got to the page where the future families were revealed and I was STUNNED. This book which had JUST released… maybe a year ago had a GAY CHARACTER. I was amazed! I repeated 3 times, “Harold is gay!!” (or gae, if you wanna know how I used to spell it.) I was mind blown. Little did I know, some girl in my class that VERY SAME YEAR would cause my gay awakening. Another funny coincidence, both me and Harold are in love with a very caring amazing person, if we assume that’s what Billy’s like. I love the very subtle way it was just mentioned that Harold has a husband that just made me stop and then go, “woah”, as if it almost flew over my head. Did that make sense? I’m rambling lmao

Drawing is my passion. I like writing, but I’ve been getting worse and worse at it because for WHATEVER REASON, my brain is mixing my two main languages together to confuse me and make me forget how to spell words like peice, or write w’s instead of v’s because apparently the letter v is illegal in our ‘alfabet’. Instead, I’ve been drawing random things constantly, JuSt LiKe HaRoLd!¡!¡!¡! Do I need to add random information to each point? No. Will I add information anyways? Yes. Are you interested? Are you hooked? GOOD, BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT EACH POINT IS GONNA LOOK LIKE!

The Bad Dad That Left For Milk After Mum’s Divorce and Random Bully Trauma Club! Yep, here we go. I like to beleive Harold loved his dad even though he got hit because he just didn’t comprehend that what he was going through was abuse, just like me! Like, he could get into trouble at school or something and his dad was going to be told about it and hide under his covers, hoping he won’t find him so he doesn’t get smacked, but still love the guy! I HATE HOW TINY CHILDREN DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT ABUSE IS, GET OUT OF THERE AND CALL CHILDLINE, HAROLD!!! Oh, and the bullies? Jesus, bullies love picking on people like me- (loud, obnoxious, weird, egotistical, (not Harold traits, I’m not an identical copy)). We have Harold’s bully and his 3 goons; Sissy, Prissy, Pissy and Fuckboy, meanwhile I had Mr. Simp. So glad the both of us had epic, amazing friends to save us! Plus, we ourselves had our own special plans to destroy the bullies. Oh, and about friends…

BESTIE TO THE RESCUE! I HAVE A FRIEND THAT IS JUST LIKE GEORGE (minus the ties and shit) AND SHE IS AMAZING BUT I FEEL KINDA BAD THAT I DUMP ALL OF MY FEELINGS ON HER AND TREAT HER LIKE SOME THERAPIST. (sorry Millie D:) George is amazing though, we need more characters like him. I mean, what kind of five year old gets offered to go up THREE GRADES just like that?! I’m so jealous! Oh, oh, AND, my friend, like George, is there to comfort me and make me more like a more sane human being? Am I phrasing this right? Ok, just picture that moment of pure bliss in Season 3 Episode 4 where Harold gets very excited about what’s in the mystery box. See how he sits in that amazingly excited position? And how George then calms him down or something? THAT’S my friend, and also me. I get excited like that. I also get corrected (“Old unicorns?” “Old uniforms, Buddy.”), complimented (that one moment in Season 3 Episode 3 where George gives amazing compliment to Harold and hugs him whilst Harold looks mildly uncomfortable), forgiven and put up with (lmao Harold breaks the fantaseers 2000 because he’s caught up in the moment is a massive mood), etc. etc. I did have another example or point but I forgot (of course).

Cowards! When it comes to situations, Harold is the more cautious one. Ditto, ditto, ditto, DITTO. I am a pussy, and I am NOT afraid to admit that. Poor Harold is scared of a vampire camp. Not really as stupid as a fear of dogs, though. (DON’T WORRY, I’M GETTING REHABILITATED, I’M NOT AS SCARED OF GOING TO MY FRIENDS’S HOUSES ANYMORE)

Clingy, please, I need my best friend, PLEASE! I don’t know how our illusgaytor would do without George, how depressed he gets when they’re going to be placed in separate classes in the movie, when he finds out he’s gonna be put in a different grade than George in book 11, just such a fucking mood. I HATE waiting for my friends in the playground, I feel so lonely, empty, and most importantly I HATE IT when people walk past me with THEIR friends, judging me. It makes me feel like a loner! And I get uncomfortable seeing one of my friends alone, I just REALLY need to go over there and see if they’re okay, even though maybe my shouting scares my friends away. But, am I the only one who realised that George and Harold are each other’s ONLY friends? Like, in the books and the movie, they’re only seen with eachother. No one else, they have no connections with the other kids. WHY, THEY’RE SO LIKEABLE!!!

Is that it? Man, it felt like more. Do you get my point? I hope you do. Uh, so, yes, Harold is best boi, I like characters with lots of development and lots of things to relate to, um… ŚIEMA!

#actually adhd #adhd #can you tell im hyperfixating #george beard #harold hutchins #lmao what #random rant #captain underpants #read this in a loud voice #I’M A SLAVE TO MY EMOTIONS!!! #harold and billy tho #yes i am a normal human being #too much detail

[bookns]

Strike Back: Shadowmoth Final Attack

Listen I know what’s going to happen cause I have been spoiled. Felix steals the miraculous and the people of Paris go to the streets. And ladynoir has a scene. They have a fight too but that’s it.

I’m so excited and scared.

This theme song will not never be comforting

Felix?

SHIT SHIT NO ITS ADRIEN

Shit what is he looking at

WIAT what’s going on

OH THATS SO COOL

Marinette looks so tired

Pegabug?? I COMPLETELY FORGOT THIS PART

Oh shit

Lila-

FUCK YOU FELIX I HATE YOU

Wait how’d U FORGET HE STOLE THE MIRACULOUS

Boi you said it twice

No shit it’s a fake

Kitty cat-

How cute

Shadowmoth fuck you

That’s a really cool amok

THEY DONT KNOW

catalysm is NEVER THE FIRST ANSWER

“Would you risk who I really am without the mask” WHAT THE FUCK

THEY ARE FIGHTING SO MUCH AND SOME-PART OF ME IS GOING CRAZY

he protected her in the crisis

OH SHIT HES ASKING

Aww she protected him

THE FUCKING CHAT BLANC

SHE DOESNT BELEIVE HIM CAUSE OF THAT

Well I’m starting to cry

“Maybe BECAUSE you don’t tell me anything” SHIT MAN WHAT THE FUCK

Rena Furtive saving his ass

Them saving the people>>>>

Fuck you hawky he’s a KID

THIS ENTIRE SHOT

RENA FURTIVE

Hella fucking yeah

What’s Jules power

The mini Mylène

HE COLLETS THE POWERS

what is going on

So many people

KAGAMI SAVINV THE DAY

I love KAGAMI

NINO SAVING RENA

I LOVE THEM

His shell can-travel??

THEY DIDNT KNOW SHIT

HAWKY DIDNT KNOW

LADYBUG IS PISSED

He’s good with kids

Chat Noir my baby got hit

THEY KNOW

THEY ALK KNOW

Frogy has nun shuckers

Is she completely forgetting that SHE NEEDSG HIM 

I got stressed so I took a two minute break and Cornelia Street just started playing for no reason??? LITERALLY NONE

There’s so many

“I can help”

baby

Oh shit his catalysm got stolen

A ticket-

Bunnyz

NO NO NO

Baby stop

No please don’t

ITS NOT A GOOD IFEA

ew

Her costume is an ew

Her little pom pom

THATS NOT ADIREN

he’s gonna use it on the miracle box

No no no no

He has a collar-

Hi barkk

Ew I hate that costume

Isn’t it his goggles

NO it’s fluffy

Felix you better not do anything

Oh my god

Everyone is hurt

What the fuck is this scene? It’s so different- like scarywise

Chat Noir encouraging the senti

Maybe Marinette was right about that

The akuma thank god

SOMETHiNG GONNA HAPPEN

Chat Noir listening in and my god is my heart breaking

Not the adrien-

Chat probably doesn’t even realize

Fermidable what kind of a name is that

These names are weird

NOT THE POUND IT-

Yeah I’m sad

Like really sad

My heart is being broken in two and torn

He’s a baby

I hate Felix

What is the mistake

NOT THE SEWERS

See for me I personally feel very attached to the sewer scene that happen originally in season two because that was the one scene I remember religiously watching season three came out. It was that seem to me that I used to always watch, so seeing this pisses me off like a madman. 

Stop I hate this

Felix SHUT THE FUCK UP

Not chat not using his powers cause it’s not him to do that

I can’t wait for the ladynoir scene cause this scene is going to kil me

Not the shake paws

Bestie they ain’t getting along

Bestie I love you but shut up

Who’s rooster BOLD

SHIT

AND I HATE FELIX NORE THAN HAWKY

Bestie where’s max

Why am I thinking the portal is to chat blanc

Is she ever gonna tell chat about chat blanc

Don’t you dare Felix

Oh how weird???

She did make a mistake THE MISTAKE OF FELIX

Rena Furtive bestie

Alya I love you but bestie no

I love you Alys

She’s crying

I love her

Adrien no no no it’s Felix

She did make a mistake

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOIBG THERE

what are you doing there

What is going on

UNCLE

Lila what the fuck

No no she’s gonna realize

Ladybug bestie no

The miraculous of the dog

My heart of when she is in trouble

so adrien is a seni monster

I kinda hate him more than Hawky

I hate this

This is torture

Ew Gabriel’s face

CAn the yo-yo deattach itself

I guess it can

Marinette panic is making me panic and cry

FUCK YOU HAWKY

Marinette don’t have a panic attack

She’s crying

I hate Felix hair

There’s nothing left

“ I lost”

No she left

She’s crying in the rain

I know what’s about to happen

Never mind WHAT THE FUCK

LUKA MY CHILD

Alys put the phone down for two seconds

KAGAMI

Ivan myslene

Chloe

THE GAUDRIAN

I hate HAWKY

I lost everything

You haven’t lost me

I’m not okay

I’m taking a break for two minutes cause my heart is HURTING

I’m okay now I feel relaxed now

Let me get back to stressed

Ladybug-

The thunderclap

Coup de foudre

She’s okay now cause she has him

The hug

The hug

The hug

The hug

The hug

Them the people of Paris

Your loyal partner

I’m gonna start crying

NI

YOU FUCKIN BITCHES DONT TELL ME ITS OVER

No NO NO

It’s over

I’m sad

#miraculous ladybug #marinette dupain cheng #ladynoir #adrien agreste #miraculous tales of ladybug and chat noir #season 4 finale #season 4 spoilers #mlb spoilers #miraculous ladybug spoilers #miraculous fandom #kagami tsuguri #alya cesaire #nino lahiffe #ml season 4 spoilers

[beelspillowpet]

If your requests are open and your willing to, would you be able to do the brothers reacting to a trans MC? 👉🏻👈🏻 preferably female to male, but either way is fine! Sorry if your not comfy with this type of request >~<

Anon, just because you were afraid that I would turn down your request, I am going to PROVE to you how much it doesn’t bother me I'm going to do the 7 brothers AND the side characters. Because you BETTER BELEIVE we have a cast of supportive people!! Yessir!!!

I myself am the twin sister of my late twin brother, who was also FtM! I’ll be using his memory as inspiration, if you do not mind? Thank you for requesting this!

~

Lucifer

At first he presumed you were just not girly. He didn't really mind your behavior or way of dressing, so long as you got your tasks done on time and were on your best behavior.

When you cut your hair and stopped wearing that nail polish (despite Asmo’s pleading) he still thought nothing of it. You wore pants, and started trying your best to drop hints, and thankfully, Lucifer isn’t an idiot.

So what you’re telling me is that we’ve made you uncomfortable when referring to you as a woman? If that is the case, MC, then we would be more than happy to refer to you as anything you request. You only need to say the word.

He is dedicated to making sure you’re happy and comfortable here. He and his brothers may be demons, but they aren’t heartless. They were once angels too. He goes through the process with you, if you were shaky or unsure of what to do in the past. If you want HRT, surgery, need a new wardrobe, he and his brothers will be the first to provide. Whatever to keep you happy in your skin.

Mammon

Oh. Honestly speaking, he’ll still love you regardless of what form your body takes. He liked the way you looked, but secretly he can’t wait to see how you’ll look after you transition.

Before we even get to that point though, it takes a lot of hint dropping for him to get it. And even then, he has to go and ask the others what you’re trying to tell him. Of course he gets picked on a little bit for it, but once he figures it out he’s really happy you were comfortable enough to tell him.

Hell, he might get a job just so he can help you be able to afford all the things you’ll need to properly transition. Some of the details make him blush quite a bit, and if you’re uncomfortable with touches or any signs of affection during your process of transitioning, he will politely refrain from making his human uncomfortable.

He’s taking you to Majolish and you are going to get your ENTIRE wardrobe redone. Courtesy of The GREAT Mammon! You should feel grateful that he’s working this hard to make you happy. I mean c’mon, he LOVES you! He can’t wait to love you more after you’ve become the man you always were deep down inside.

Leviathan

He does notice that you act different from other women. Not that he minds it, not at all. His Henry is still the same old Henry. Just a little bit different. He’s a little bit different too, there’s nothing wrong with that. Right?!

It’s when you start preferring to be called Henry as opposed to your birth name, do the cogs start churning in his brain. He would have suspected at first that maybe you just were very good friends with him and loved TSL almost as much as him.

He’s seen a few heart-warming anime about it. Specifically one about a girl becoming a boy, and the struggles he went through while attending school. The title wasn’t too important to him, but now that he had a reference for what you were dealing with, he was a bit happy. He just wanted to wait until the moment was right to bring it up to you. Perhaps his Henry was really a Henry after all!

When the moment comes, he’s proud to say the least. He throws his arms around you happily, and promises to be there by your side every step of the way. He’s not exactly rolling in money, but an Otaku finds a way. The Lord of Shadows is your best friend ever, and he can’t wait to see the before and after pictures of your full transition!

Satan

It started with a book you read with him. He didn’t fully comprehend your situation, but he knew you didn’t act like normal girls. It reminded him of a character in a book he read a few weeks ago. The guy didn’t really act like a girl.

While sweet and thoughtful, this character didn’t hit the nail on the head in some ways. When talking over the book with you, you explained just as much to him. The energy was there, but it was backwards for you. He picked up on it immediately.

So what you’re telling me is, you understand this characters struggle with themselves, and can relate to it. But something about it is backwards? A little smile appears on his face as it fully dawns on him. MC, I think I’ll be able to assist you in any way you need.

With Satan’s wonderful connections across the entire Devildom, it wasn’t long before you were getting some of the best treatment possible. The prices seemed a bit scary, but he assured you everything was being taken care of behind the scenes. If you needed to worry about anything, it would be the tiring, long process to come with transitioning. He’ll be sure it goes relatively smoothly for you, though!

Asmodeus

Oh he gets it immediately. Darling why didn’t you just say so in the first place?

He’s dragging you back to your room, rambling the entire time about how he can’t wait to take you out and go shopping. He puts together a devious little page to gather up donations and the like to support your transitioning. His fans would be HONORED to pitch in, right?

In the mean time, he stops pampering you with makeup and his other routines that you used to tolerate for the sake of being cordial. He still pushes for the nail polish, since gender is simply a social concept and he’s ready to crush it into dust any chance he can get. But it’s not about him, it’s about you.

Soon your room is painted a new color, your dresses and skirts and frilly outfits are tossed out for more appropriate attire for your sex, and he’s taking photos for his Devilgram page to show everyone how beautiful you are, even while going through the long process!

Beelzebub

You and Beel got along fabulously. He seemed astonished that a female was interested in all these manly habits he indulged in. He heard from some of the guys on his team that you were interested in playing Fangol. As evidenced by how you always showed up to his practices and games, no matter if they were home or away.

He figured you were just a really big fan of sports. But then you even started working out with him, and giving him suggestions and tips on how to get even more out of his workouts at the gym. You were really passionate about this.

Let’s not kid ourselves, he probably does not pick up on any of the signs. You have tot ell him, and you have to tell him firmly. You are a man, just like him. When you do tell him, however, he’s eager to help you transition. Imagine having another guy in the house who loves Fangol as much as you do!?

He isn’t much aside from emotional support through the transitions, and he coddles you when you have those bad days. If you want to eat something, he’ll rush to the kitchen and cook you a full meal before you move an inch. You’re allowed to lay in bed today. Let him handle the heavy load of work for you.

Belphegor

Oh wow, look at that. He picked it up almost immediately.

I mean, there’s no way a girl would act the way you do, right? Dress the way you do. Be the way you are. He doesn’t care though, and just wants you to be happy. If that means you transition into a man, then hell, he’s on board with you.

He may be a lazy bastard, but he knows when it’s time to get up and work hard to get something. That was what he was like as an angel, anyways. Working at Hell’s Kitchen is the worst, and you hear him complain about as much, but he smiles and assures you that it’s all for a good reason.

His final gift to you to apologize about the Incident, is money. Now at first glance it seems like something Mammon would do. Probably. In reality though, this is the money that will be going towards your HRT. He doesn’t know if you want to fully transition or not, but if you want that top surgery, he can help pay for that too. He’ll do anything to make sure you’re happy and healthy in your own body.

Diavolo

It really is a house of men, isn’t it?

He’s glad though, truly, that you were comfortable coming to him about it. Don’t bother ever opening your wallet to pay for any therapy, medication, or surgery. As the Prince of the Devildom, he would be more than happy to get you doctors of all sorts to help you. No questions asked!

It might be a bit overwhelming at first, but the news is exciting. If the Prince accepts you so readily, it gives you hope that other demons will as well. Pretty soon you’re going through your processes, and Diavolo couldn’t be happier to see it happening.

You really is a wonderful guy, and he’s glad he’s getting to experience the changes you take in your life. 

Barbatos

To say he didn’t suspect this would be an understatement.

Ever silent and respectful though, he never spoke a word of it. You are probably uncomfortable with people assuming it, even though it’s true. An insecurity that humans seem to deal with, although unfortunate.

However, when the news is broken during a meeting between you, Lucifer, he, and the Prince himself, a smile creeps on his face.

He’s happy to hear that you are so comfortable speaking about this sort of thing. He knows it must be tough, having hidden your true feelings for so long. He prepares a delicious tea with small treats, to celebrate your coming out, and transitioning.

Simeon (and Luke)

Oh dear. God loves you, still. Don’t worry about this. He doesn’t see you as an imperfection.

They assures you constantly that you have their full support, and that will never change. You are not broken, you are not unwanted, and you are not strange. You are a regular trans man in their eyes, and they will defend you on that.

Simeon almost takes on a fatherly role to you, wanting to make sure everything goes as smooth as possible. He probably has done a bit of research in preparations for your transition, and all the nasty little side effects that come with it are worrying him.

However, once it’s all over, Luke and Simeon are glad you came out on top. And my, what a handsome man you make!

Solomon

He figured, but didn’t want to assume. I mean, who the hell is he?

He’s got a few spells for this though, make it quick and painless. One wave of a wand and POOF! Woman no more!

Oh but that’s probably dangerous. The shifty bastard. You would much rather do it the regular way; and not have your insides and outsides shifted around by some crazy sorcerer.

He doesn’t protest much, but that does suck. Hehe. Oh well. You can count on him to support you through it all!

#obey me #om! #obey me headcanons #obey me swd #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me simeon #obey me luke #obey me solomon

[nightswithkookmin]

Goldy I never thought I would reach out to any Jikook blog but after your last post I have to. I am an east asian american and trans. I have never spoken on this issue, commented or posted about this. I am a Jikook supporter but sometimes Jikook supporting blogs don't feel like the friendliest place. I want to thank you for changing my opinion on that. It is an insult to BTS to say Jikook don't know they seem gay or that they don't know what gay looks like. It is an insult to fans like me to say it would be OK to do the things they do if they were cisgendered straight men. I personally saw a few people say or dance around this and they got intimidated by big blogs for it. I would never name names because I beleive in free speech and the right of people to express themselves, as long as it isn't hate speech. Supporting lgbt people and making sure they don't feel endangered is MORE IMPORTANT THAN STANNING A KPOP BAND and I say this as a 4 year long bts and Jikook stan. So many people don't want to touch this issue and I understand why.

But thank you for supporting ACTUAL lgbt people as well as bts and showing stubborn people that BTS mean gay rights when they say gay rights.

I don't know why but this Ask made me cry...

I've been reading it over and over for the past two days and each time I feel humbled by it. Thanks so much for sharing this with me.

I think the era of the obsessed 'kids' and '13 year old shippers' in this space is coming to an end. I think it's time for a more nuanced mature conversation on what it means to ship and stan our faves in today's sociopolitical climate.

Let's intellectualize shipping and use it as a vehicle for social change not just pleasure. Sabotaging political hashtags is a start. Trending and donating to BLM is equally important. Fighting for gay rights and recognition is the next step and a natural progression from here- and about damn time!

Gone are the days where celebrities and idols were immune to accountability and personal responsibility. We live in a world where everyone is required to be converstant in and sensitive to social issues. Awareness is woven into our collective consciousness and for some of us we cannot divorce that from our pleasure receptors.

Hate to quote my pastor but, 'As a kid, I spoke, thought and reasoned like a kid. As I grew up, chilee darling, I put my ghetto ways aside. You feel me?' Lol. Yea, my pastor hood like that. Lol.

The fact of the matter is, BTS has a higher mature demographics now. Majority of us grew with them, if not past them. They are not seventeen anymore, Jin is almost thirty, the youngest in the group is past twenty three and majority of their fanbase are breaching Young Adult well into Adulthood and beyond.

We simply cannot view them with the same lens anymore. If we did, we would be infantilizing them if not enabling them.

We ought to be able to have certain conversations that reflect our age, hearts, backgrounds, experience, values and beliefs.

We can't sit behind our television sets and smart phone screens in this day and age and assume BTS sat through a performance like this and did not for a second think about what it meant, why the crowd cheered at certain moments or even understand the impact, message and intent behind it- especially not when Halsey, an openly bisexual woman and advocate for LGBTG rights is an acquaintance of thiers.

I don't know how a fraction of this fandom can assume BTS would have a collaboration of this nature and not know anything about the gay rights discourse or what queer baiting is or not consider how their actions may or may not be contributing to the marginalization of persons as these- to not have agency and personal responsibility or empathy.

JK cannot stan a gay artist such as Troye Sivan and divorce his music from his sexuality because it flows from it. Not when Troye has openly spoken about the struggles he went through as a closeted gay man, coming out and how that affected his mental health.

JK knows what gay is, he is aware of the struggles queer people face on a daily. His decision to cover, license and recommend songs by this artist is a deliberate act coming from a place of being informed on the matter.

Jimin knows. RM knows. Suga knows.

BTS cannot prepare a speech like this while oblivious to the plight of the LGBTQ plus community. I refuse to believe that simply because it's not true. Anyone who says otherwise is a scammer. Lol.

And I think they are intelligent enough to have cognisance of the fact majority of the world view certain aspects of their home culture as problematic and non-progressive and that this same world is watching them and what they do in this space matters.

They are part of the conversation. And it's in their interest to present themselves as queer a queer friendly band and company by distinctifying themselves from these 'traditional' Kpop bands.

I believe they know that being woke gives them a competitive advantage as MCs and advocates for the youth in today's world.

I believe they are aware certain things in their 'fan service culture' doesn't fly in the space they compete in and want to compete in. They are competing and rubbing shoulders with top LGBTQ plus advocates, sharing seats with them at awards, standing next to them- they best to look sharp.

It's obtuse for anyone to fall on the 'culture' rhetoric to excuse certain behaviors of their idols when actual queer people from and within that same culture fight against it.

Most S. koreans I know and have come across complain about their 'culture' and some even harbor strong resentments against this whole fanservice culture.

Holland, an openly gay Idol from South Korea, has equally spoken out against the 'fan service' culture prevalent within Kpop on several occasions and laments how it depoliticizes queerness and affects actual queer people within S.K.

And isn't it funny that the same conservative Christian population who strongly oppose homosexuality in S.K often lead online campaigns against Jikook for 'promoting homosexuality' because of certain fanservice and skinship they do?

If skinship is normal and fanservice is culture, why does conservative S.K keep pushing back against it? It's their culture uno?! Lmho.

Queer south Koreans and conservative Christians hate fanservice culture and yet here we are using their culture to defend it as if it's all black and white. Lmho.

Did they or did they not see South Korean's reactions to this performance by Jikook? The mixed feelings most had about it?

Men can nibble on men's ear but God forbid they toss them in the air and catch em💀

South Koreans are not a monolith. Their culture is nuanced like any culture. It's not static and not clear cut black and white either.

It's one thing to respect other's culture, it's another to perpetuate it in ignorance. Perpetuating their culture and being religious about it does not allow for the dynamism inherent in their culture.

Troye Sivan talked about how he'd stop in the middle of his concerts and performances upon seeing the hyper fangirls in the front row and then think to himself, 'I know they know I'm gay, so why are they still here...'

And this was before he came out.

Jikook know we know they are queer or that we think of them as queer. When Jimin talks about 'those that love me for me' he knows exactly what he is talking about or rather who he is talking to- it's not these hets I'm afraid.

Troye also talked about being privileged because he lived in a rather queer friendly neighborhood where everyone is gay and so he'd always felt safe coming out.

Isn't that what JK is doing?

Now this is a person who's without a doubt had a lot of influence on JK in his early formative years as an Idol right down to his decision to move into a much queer friendly neighborhood of Itaewon.

They know we know. Jikook is gay.

Thankfully, there are reports of a rising number of LGBTQ plus in South Korea, a lot of allies, a lot of queer folks coming out and a lot of companies opening up to working with gay idols and aspiring idols.

It's such a relief but a lot of work still needs to be done and I stand with them on behalf of Jikook and any queer folk in SK.

My sister is helping me reach out to an LGBTQ plus advocate from Seoul for an interview for my blog. If everything goes well, I'd love for her to share her thoughts on queer passing, queer baiting and fan service within Kpop and how that affects LGBTQ youth in South K.

It's a conversation I'm really passionate about and interested in.

I love me some ships, but I also love me some queer advocacy and human rights uno? Lol.

Thing is, I may quit BTS one day, but I can never quit being me. Being human. Always put the human first is my motto.

Oh and I hear people are plotting to cancel me? Chilee. Y'all do that but:

Let it echo.

Signed,

GOLDY

[justflushme]

Fandom’s (that’s a me) Analysis on Chapter 76 TBHK/JSHK

Written: March 19, 2020

Let’s do this y’all (Navigation to previously written chapter analysis is linked at the bottom)

Ok first off, this chapter I found hella confusing I’ll say that but I think I made some sort of connections that could lead to some sort of theory. Alright let’s start! I’ll be going chronologically in the chapter with my reactions.

SHE JUS GRABBED THE KID THATS SO DAMN CUTE OMFG 😭

Ok this is what really tripped me over. The kid has a pulse and is warm meaning that he is in a human body. Of course Nene and Kou beleive this is Hanako’s descendant but honestly this kid could just be Hanako or Tsukasa. If it were a descendent, then maybe the whole Yugi family didn’t die? I thought the family suicide was about them but maybe it could have been another family.

OK WHY DIDNT NENE SAY “AMANE’S DESCENDENT” I bet the kid would have faltered then and would have given off more info! Also Kou is thinking in a good direction. I think the chapters forward are just going to keep causing Nene and Kou to think whether it’s Hanako or Tsukasa.

Did anyone else notice that the face on the phone looked like an adult type figure? The eyes were drawn in a style that resembled the adults in the manga. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was one of Hanako or Tsukasas parents.

I can’t, for the life of me, properly decipher that song. One night... Two dawns. Lowkey makes me think Hanako/Tsukasa was one person and the two dawns are his two personalities that got split when he became a ghost. But I doubt this is is true. Or one night could be a parent, two dawns could be a sibling, and all three are waiting for the morning. But what is to come at morning?

Also what happened to the other voice? In Chapter 75, there were two speech bubbles but Kou only sees one kid in that room. What happened to the other??

Ok this is interesting. These two moments in the chapter resemble certain school mysteries. In the second panel, we can see all the clocks on the ceiling resembling No. 1, the Clock keepers. In the first panel, this may be abstract, resembled the door Yashiro and Hanako were sucked through in No.6’s boundary.

The bugs in the trash pit of the boundary resemble the bugs that come out of the door Yashiro gets sucked into at “The Red House”. This may be a coincidence but I feel this is worth looking into. Maybe Yashiro is now going to be trapped into the pits of No.6’s boundary where Akane and Aoi were in chapter 69?

LMFAO KOU’S FACE AT THE END PFTTT. Also, WHAT A TSUKASA MOMENT. I know its up to interpretation so far on whether this kid is Hanako or Tsukasa, but what a perfect parallel of the earlier chapters where Yashiro was kidnapped. Here is the anime scene below.

I really want to believe this kid is Tsukasa but honestly its still too early to say. (I wrote a theory on the kid being Tsukasa which you can find if you look up “fandoms theories” on my blog :))

KOU PLEASE DONT CARRY HIM LIKE HE IS A PIECE OF LUGGAGE IM CRYING.

Alright,

So this chapter was pretty short, I’m guessing this is the start of a whole new arc where Kou has to save Yashiro. I will be confused if Yashiro is not heard from and it is just Kou centric because in the very first chapters of JSHK, Yashiro was seen as the narrator. I wonder if the authors just decided to ditch the concept or they swiftly changed narrators in the middle and the fandom didn’t notice.

As to whether the kid is Tsukasa or Amane, I don’t want to give up my position on the kid being Tsukasa but I am not cutting out the possibility it could be Amane. I’ve heard some theories that one twin is with Yashiro and Kou is dealing with another but I don’t know if that could be the case. The kid seemed to be exact same kid Yashiro took with her before she got sucked in. Maybe it is a scheme and a twin is acting like the first child but since the people who don’t want the kid to leave seem really protective, I think it is the same kid that got put back into the room Yashiro and Kou originally found him in.

I think the house isn’t centric to just Hanako or Tsukasa. I am going to go with the notion that this house is the one connection to all the seven mysteries. With the clocks (No. 1), the faucets (which could be a nod to Hanako’s bathroom), and the door bugs (No.6), maybe all of the seven mysteries have some belonging to this house. I used to think that the family suicide included Amane, Tsukasa, and their parents. Now, I don’t really know what to think. This chapter gave possibility to so many things that it is tough to find a theory that interlocks everything.

If I am correct (which idk) about Yashiro being sucked into No.6’s boundary, Aoi might show up in later chapters which could be interesting to see. I wonder if the house is a sort of time trapped loop or reality in which Amane/Tsukasa didn’t die and they live on in a human body stuck as a kid forever. Other than that, I am still way too confused on how the kid has a pulse.

Other random theories/questions (with not much basis for proof but interesting to think about haha):

- What if everyone who died in that house became one of the school mysteries. I mean of course this would be a weird mother and father thing to figure out but damn dude what if

- If the house is connected to all the seven mysteries, how did Mitsuba get roped into this? He became a school mystery when Tsukasa shoved the heart in his mouth so was it always planned that Mitsuba was to become a mystery? He has some sort of relation to the house as he took a photo of it but that could just be a coincidence.

- YO- ok ok. So what if that kid truly is Amane or Tsukasa right. He is one of the two. Let’s say the kid is Tsukasa (jus stick with me here) and Tsukasa is kept away to be with his toys. Amane was the one abused by the parents hence why the people who don’t want Tsukasa to leave are so protective of him staying in that house. If Amane was abused and Tsukasa was kept away, it might explain pent up resentment which could have led to Amane killing Tsukasa. I have no proof for this, I just think it could be interesting to think about. Of course it is tough to prove though because in Chapter 75, there were two voices in the room so maybe both twins were kept there.

I know I was all over the place with this analysis but I hope you enjoyed it! Feel free to send me asks/chat with me on anything! I would love to hear your thoughts!

Navigation:

-> Chapter 77 Analysis (In construction)

<- Chapter 75 Analysis

#toilet bound hanako kun #jibaku shounen hanako kun #tbhk #jshk #toilet bound gon kun #jibaku shounen gon kun #jshk ch 76 #tbhk ch 76 #tbhk hanako #hanako #tbhk yashiro #nene yashiro #yashiro nene #tbhk nene #tbhk Kou #tbhk minamoto kou #minamoto kou #kou minamoto #Amane Yugi #tbhk Amane #tsukasa yugi #yugi tsukasa #tbhk tsukasa #fandoms theories

[straycalypso]

My holy trinity is Dazai, Ranpo, and Chuuya but 11 made me cackle for my boy Chuuya. So 11 and our resident shortie please ^^

pairing: Chuuya x Reader

prompt: “What are you doing?” “Hiding from carolers.” From this prompt list

warnings: none

a/n: hello! I apologize for the long wait, but I hope you enjoy! 😊

The holiday season was finally here. The weather was cold, people were out shopping, and decorations littered the streets of Yokohama. It was one of your favorite times of the year mostly because of the good mood everyone was in.

You had just finished taking a shower and decided to make your way downstairs to find Chuuya. You were going to have a holiday themed movie night!

As you were walking down the steps, you see your short boyfriend crouching against the door. What the heck, what is he doing now?

He turns to look at you and frantically yells “(Y/n), get down! Quick!”

Considering his job, you thought that maybe someone had come to your house to confront him or something. So of course, you listen and quickly kneel down at the bottom of the stairs.

“Chuuya, what are you doing?”

He brings his finger to his lips signaling you to be quieter and responds, “Hiding from carolers.”

Oh my- you cannot beleive this guy. Here you are thinking someone’s here to fight him but no, it’s just carolers. You oughta open the door now and force him to listen to them for scaring you like that.

“(Y/n), I think they saw me through the window and now they won’t leave!”

You stand up and make your way to the door. “I CAN’T BELIVE YOU, THEY’RE JUST CAROLERS!”

“Get down! And what do you mean just carolers?!? Would YOU want to listen?” You did a facepalm before stepping towards the window. “They’re gone Chuuya, you can get up now.” He sighs in relief before standing. “That was a close one.”

Rolling your eyes, you walk to the living room and take a seat on the couch. As stupid as the situation was, you’re reminded of why you love him. He wouldn’t be your Chuuya if he didn’t do something like hide from carolers. It made you quietly laugh.

He sits next to you and pulls you into his lap. “You’re funny, you know that?”, you mumble into his neck. He pouts, “I just don’t like any caroling, last year I had to run to get away from them.”

You burst out laughing. “Only you would actually run to get away from carolers.” He mumbles something under his breath about how it’s not funny before placing a kiss on your forehead.

He turns on the television and you finally relax in his arms.

You wonder what situation Chuuya will find himself in with the carolers next year.

Thanks for reading! Reminder: requests are still open!

#omg I can totally imagaine chuuya like this #bsd writing #bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd fic #bsd x you #chuuya x reader #chuuya nakahara x reader #nakahara chuuya x reader #bsd chuuya

[arminocean]

"until we meet again". Tsukishima x reaser

Warnings- angst, only a little fluff

"Hey Tsukishima，" you said running up to the blonde hair boy.

He stared at you only waving. You stopped in front of him out of breath, while Tsukishima sat there awkwardly waiting for you to say something.

"Ummm may I help you," he said taking off his headphones.

"Okay, we really need to talk it's important," you said in a concern tone.

He looked at you prepared for you to talk.

"No, somewhere else there too many people in this hallway," you said slightly giggling.

"Why didn't you say that at first, whatever just take me to wherever you want to talk," Tsukishima said rolling his eyes.

You only huff. You walked Tsukishima to the side of the gym making him confused.

"Okay now that we are here you know what's it called when someone lives in one house then move to another house right," you said while Tsukishima only nodded getting more annoyed.

"Ummm yeah I'm moving suprise," you said lightly punching the blonde head boy arm.

Except Tsukishima didn't say anything. Before he looked at you scoffing.

"You should learn how to make better jokes, you told me this when we were younger and moved closer to me, good try though," Tsukishima said waiting for you to say something.

When you didn't laugh, and only replied with "no" his eyes widen. He still thought you may be joking though.

"Are you moving somewhere in the city, or atleast somewhere around here," he said his breath becoming heavier.

"No I'm not moving to any of those places," you said.

You could see slight concern grow on Tsukishima face.

"Don't tell me your moving states," he said raising his voice a bit.

"Ummmm not exactly," you stated.

Tsukishima sighed a little bit, before looking at you sternly. "That isn't funny, you weirdo," Tsukishima said.

"Okay I'm just going to say it I'm moving to another country," you said watching the blonde hair boy lose color in all his face.

"Um when," the boy said quietly.

"Around tomorrow," you whispered.

"So your going to tell your friend your moving countries the day befor you move," the blonde boy said in a frustrated tone.

"Well I didn't think you cared sooo," you said avoiding contact with the upset boy.

"What do you mean you thought I didn't care, you are so dense," the boy said voice becoming louder.

"And I was suppose to tell you something, but I guess it dosent matter now," Tsukishima mumbled.

"You can still say it you know," you said curiously.

"No I can't, it will most likely end our friendship and will make us both upset," he said staring down.

You two just sat in silence for a while before you started walking away, concerning Tsukishima.

"Wait where the hell are you going," Tsukishima said his voice cracking a literally bit.

"Well I need to finish packing and it we don't really have much to say so, see you later," you said walking away.

Tsukishima stared at you in shock. He really couldn't beleive one of his closest friends was leaving him. He knew that something like this may happen, but why so soon. He came out of his thoughts when he realize you weren't in his sight anymore.

He wasn't going to say goodbye to you like this. If he was thinking straight he would call himself pathetic. But at the moment he was too worried about finding you.

He stop when he found you at a vending machine. Slowly walking up to you he tapped on your shoulder.

"Hm, oh hi Tsukishima what are you doing here," you said.

"Okay I usally don't do this but since your moving I have something extremely important to say," Tsukishima said staring at you.

You slowly nodded your head.

"Ummm I know I act like your so annoying, and that I don't want to be friends with you but, I really like you y/n," the blonde hair boy said.

You only stared at him before smiling. "I like you too Tsukishima," the statement made the tall boy sigh.

"Your so dumb, not in the friendly way like I actually like you," he said waiting for a response.

"I like you too Tsukishima," you whispered.

"Y/n L/n I am in love with you what don-," he was cut off when you kissed his cheek.

"I like, like you too Tsukishima ," you whispered again at the shocked boy.

"Oh cool I guess," he said in a stoic tone.

"But your moving, there literally no point," he said.

"Well we both have phones and it not like I'm leaving you forever," you said ruffling his hair.

The blonde boy sighed, smiling at you.

"Okay then, until we meet again," you said opening your arms to hug him

"Until we meet again you dork," Tsukishima said hugging you back.

A/n- if you have any request you may send them. Also if I should do a part 2 just comment it byeeee.

#hope you enjoyed #haikyuu reaction #Haikyuu #haikyuu #Tsukishima #Tsukishima x reader #Angst #Fluff #Tsukishima Kei #haikyuu x reader

[faustonastring]

Hi! I really adore your last headcanon, so I was wondering if you can write about how the MC could comfort the main 6? in the situations that you prefer! :)

Hi! Thank you for requesting sorry again for the confusion! Hopefully this is what you had in mind!

Request R Open!!! :^)

Mc comforting the main six!

Tw(?):

Descriptions of mental breakdowns, anxiety/panick attacks, depression, anxiety, etc,,, (based off my own experience, so may not be too accurate just read at risk!)

Asra

I’ve said it before I’ll say it again, I’ll say it a million times, trauma doesn’t go away over night. Asra will always ponder about what he did that masquerade, what happened to you at the lazaret. No matter what happens in your relationship, it’s just a reoccurring thought that won’t go away, no matter how much he tries.

As much as he tries to forget, as much as he wants to forget, those nasty memories keep sneaking up on him, toying with his mind, forcing him to go into a downward spiral of hurt and regret that he can’t escape

He always tries to hide it from you. He tried to play it off like nothings wrong, that he’s just having a bad day, which can turn into weeks, which can turn into months....and it’s not like he likes keeping things from you, it’s just everytime he tries to tell you, he’s flashed with memories of you catonic, unresponsive in the shop,,,what if that happens again? He can’t risk it, even though it won’t, he doesn’t want to risk it. He won’t

When you finally do break him, he’s shattered glass. Crying and spilling out everything that’s been bothering him for the last- god knows how long,,,the only thing you can do is to be there with him. Take him in your arms. Hold him. Tight. Tell him you’re not going anywhere, that you’re here now, and that’s all that matters, that the past is in the past, and it’s already set in stone, that you both need to look forward for the future.

When he’s calmed down enough, carry him (and if your mc can’t carry him then drag him) to bed. Wrap him up in as many blankets as you can find. Tell Faust to go cuddle with him while you make him his faveroite calming tea blend. Then cuddle in bed and talk about the future, what it has in store for the both of you. Or reminisce on the past, the good things, what you can remember or can’t, and everytime he tells you a story of something that did happen? You can feel a tug on your heart. You don’t need reassurance. You both end up falling asleep in each others arms, Faust curled up in ball laying on top of each of you. And when you wake up? Everything seems perfect

Nadia

She’s been trying to fix vesuvia for months, maybe even years now (that depends on your time line!) trying to erase it of al, of Lucios past mistakes. Fixing the flooded district, fixing the judicial system, tearing down the coliseum, getting rid of all those tacky statues it’s a lot.

She often worries that she could of done more when lucio was in charge, but an end to things, fix things, be more than a stupid trophy wife, an accessory for him to have around his stupid gold arm, these thoughts will swarm and swarm in her head, making them her new priority, causing her to overwork and exhaust herself trying to fix ‘her’ late husbands’s past mistakes .

Her motto is fake it till you make it, pushing through her inner pain, holding her head high, walking with much more pristine posture than before, working on one project then the next, leaving them all slightly unfinished because she’s much too eager to work on the next one, to fix the next one

You walk into you’re shared bedroom one afternoon, only to see her sobbing at her desk, you could tell something was wrong for a while now, you just couldnt seem to put your finger on it till now. But now that you see her crying at her desk, unaware that you have even walked in, the sounds of her sobs drumming over your footsteps as you make to her desk, and engulf her in your arms, you know exactly what happened. She doesn’t even try to pull away, if anything she pulls you closer, burying her face in your neck, clingy on to you like her life depends on it, for once she isn’t alone

The second you calm her down enough, you drag her to the bed, and the two of you just lay there as she tells you everything. You run your fingers gently through her hair, over her face, her arms, letting her know she’s not alone, let her know that she doesn’t have to do this alone, that you’re there to help her, alongside almost all of vesuvia. After she’s calm and collected, she asks you to help her fix her makeup, and the two of you make a game plan on how you want to fix vesuvia. Together

Julian

They keep him awake at night. His past mistakes. They’re like little voices that swarm in his head. Espically at night. “You could of saved them” “you should of found a cure” “you could of found a cure, if you were working hard enough” “Mc died because of you.” “ you’re not working hard enough. “Because you weren’t there” “you’ve never worked hard enough” “you could of saved them” “you will never be enough”

They don’t come as often as they used to. But when they do come, they’re enough to turn his world upside down. He wants to beleive they’re not true, but it’s hard not to beleive what you’re head is telling you, even when your heart knows it’s wrong. This (like Nadia) cause him to work harder. He has to make up for those past mistakes. He has to make that voice. That voice that’s stuck in the back of his head like a catchy song. To stop. To go away. Once and for all.

He’s been coming home late from the office every day, and going in early, you can swear he doesn’t sleep at all, but how would you know, you haven’t seen him in the last 3 days. You swore one time in the middle of the night, when you awoke from the sound of something breaking, you saw Julian hunched over a desk, wiping coffee off himself, telling you to go back to sleep, if you were to ask him about it, he’d swear you were just dreaming. But it felt a little to real to be a dream.

You awake again one night, well early morning, to be exact. To early. To the sounds of Julian wailing at his desk, calling him self names, saying he should of done better, when you tap him on his shoulder to see if he’s okay, he accidentally slaps you in the face out of shock (he thought you were a intruder at first) he pulls you into his arms, sitting you in his lap, and starts to examine your face, the only source of light being a candle that’s almost out, but when you tell him you’re fine, that you’re much more worried about him, he breaks. You shouldn’t be worried about him. He doesn’t deserve to be worried about. Now go back to bed.

But you stay put, in his lap, and he by all means isn’t going to push you off of him. So you sit there and hold him. You let him cry it out. Telling him he is worthy, and his past mistakes don’t define who he is today, “besides Ilya everyone makes mistakes, even me” when he’s done, talk about your mistakes, and how they made you into the person you are today, how everything always worked out, you’ll laugh and cry it out together, and by late sunrise, the two of you are in the kitchen munching on some toast (or anything else that you prefer). And in a way, it’s kind of bitter sweet. If asra never were to leave, and if Julian never ignored you, both being leading causes to your death, you wouldn’t be catching the end of the sun rising with your beloved.

Portia

(Portia doesn’t have any underlying lore that we know about as of now, so this one isn’t going to be as good as the other three, not that I don’t love her because she’s one of my favorites trust me I just don’t have much to go off of! So that being said, I will be basing this off of assumptions of her character being that she doesn’t have some big tragic back story like the rest of the cast (again that we know of) Sorry, I hope you understand Portia stans)

What if she’s not good enough, she’s always working, it’s as if she’s trying to prove herself, but to who? Everyone in the palace knows her, they all appreciate her, the guards, the chefs, the other servants, Nadia, hell, even the consul, and lets not forget about you of course, so what’s pushing her so hard?

To be honest, it’s hard to live a normal life when your constantly getting compared to your brother, but not by other people of course! (*looks at camera like in the office*) by herself, constantly telling herself that she needs to be up to his standards, in her own little away. She wants to be more than Julians little sister.

This want- no not want this Need comes and goes, but when it comes, it lasts for a while, until she’s burnt out under a pile of pillows and blankets, sobbing into a bowl of ice cream, or until she does something she deems worthy, like the time you and her (*enter portias upright ending here*) she wants to do that again, why can’t she do something like that again so instead she works. She works until she can’t work anymore, and it breaks your heart.

You and Nadia converse a plan, and within minutes your dragging Portia out of the palace you can have a spa day at a natural hotspring, just the two of you, and as soon as your alone, she starts to tear up. She forgot how nice it felt to be like this, alone with you, with out the stress of work, without the little comparisons ringing in her head. It feels nice. This feels nice. No not nice. Right. This feels right. Then she remembers she can do one thing that Julian can’t do: relax

She ends up telling you everything in the form of an angry rant, and you listen and let her curse out her idiot brother as much as she needs, she deserves it. When she’s done, you remind her of all the wild things the two of you did together, (I’ll leave this for you to decide :) ) reminding her that Julian has never done anything as crazy as that, and then she smiles, a real genuine smile as she remembers that she is more than julians little sister.

Muriel

It’s always the same nightmares. No matter how long it’s been, how much he’s grown, how much he loves you, and understands that you love him ‘more’ (much to his surprise) he can’t change the past, or make his PTSD magically disappear (he’s tried) he still has blood on his hands that he can’t wash off, just a little bit under his nails. Between his fingers. But you can hardly notice it. And so can he.

Sometimes when he’s having a particular bad day, he can still hear them. The screams. From the crowd. From the victim. From lucio. He wants nothing more than to drown them out, so he’ll spend hours and hours listening to your voice, it’s much prettier anyways. But on the days your at the shop, or at the market with a friend, leaving him all alone....the screams get louder

He knows he can’t keep spending every second of every day with you, he knows how unhealthy that is. But sometimes he needs you, he wants you there with him, but is he alowed to want that? But they just keep getting louder. But he doesn’t want to bother you at the palace. You have important business to attend to he understands that. But they won’t stop. But you should be home soon, just three hours and forty minutes left he can wait it out ButThey’reTooLoud help

When you get back to the hut, after whatever errand you were running. Muriel is sitting in the far corner of the hut. His knees to his chest his hands over his ears, slowly rocking himself back and forth muttering something under his breath, you have to practically tell his name to get him to acknowledge, and when he finally lifts his head up, you’re meet with glassy green eyes, tears falling down his cheek no matter how hard he tries to stop them, and you run into his arms, holding him tighter than ever before, whispering that it’s going to be okay, telling him he’s not a murder. He didn’t even need to tell you. You just knew.

You knew. You knew something was wrong and you came back early for him. You’re here in his arms, crying with him, you came back to him, you’re telling him that he’s good, and he doesn’t understand why,but then he remembers that you love him for who he is now, not because of your past, it just took him a minute to remember (or to listen to you telling him it over and over) then instead of you wiping his tears away, he’s wiping yours away. Thanking you for coming back to him. And from now on, if he ever hears the screams, he comes with you, and then they seem to slowly go away.

Lucio

He’s changed a lot he really has, he’s starting to care about people! Wow I know shocker- but with caring for people comes a big responsibility. Guilt. He’s felt guilt before, he’s not a complete sociopath just in very small portions. Very. Small. Portions.

He’s starting to feel bad for what he did, he starting to feel bad for all the people He. Killed. Not on purpose of course....but they’re still dead....and them there’s you....oh god what has he done. Whathashedonewhathashedonewhathashwdonewhathashedone- he doesn’t want to think about it. He tries not to. I mean who would want to think of dead people amiright? But he still does. And everytime he does it hurts a little more. He hates it.

It’s starting to keep him up at night too. All he wants to do is cuddle with you and his babies (his dogs-of course) but he can’t even bring himself to do that so he just lays there. Staring at the ceiling. Or at the portrait of the two of you, a new replacement of his old one. It reminds him of when he had the plague. He hates it even more now

He hasn’t been acting like himself lately, and when you catch him dissociating in a random hallway, staring off into outer space, then you know something is wrong. The minute you snap him out of it. When you ask him if he’s okay. He breaks down crying. No matter where he is, or who’s in the hallway with him. So you just stand there and hold him. You tell him it’s okay and what he’s feeling is normal. But His chest hurts. He feels like he can’t breathe. Like when he had the plague. God he hates this feeling so much

You eventually calm him down enough to take him to his room, when you get there, there is already water, and a damp towel that you put on his forehead. He’s practicing his breathing, trying to calm down as you gently coach him through it, he’s holding on to you’re free hand tight. Grounding himself. Enjoying your presence. “This is normal right? Normal people feel this kind of stuff?” “Yes lucio, it’s called guilt. Or in your case a panick attack” “ oh. Well I hate it and I hope I never have to feel ~guilt~ or whatever it’s called again.” But he does. But with your presence next to his. Comforting him. It gets better. Slowly. But surely.

Hi! Thanks for reading! Hopefully that wasn’t to dark for anyone, I was just having a bad night so it was good to be able to put all my negativity out onto something!

Next headcanon: main six with a mc who’s eyes change according to the sky (5/11)

Request are open! :>)

#asra headcanons #asra x reader #julian devorak the arcana #lucio headcanons #muriel headcanons #muriel the arcana #nadia the arcana #portia the arcana #the arcana #the arcana asra #the arcana game #lucio the arcana #the arcana main 6 #the arcana muriel #the arcana lucio #julian devorak #julian the arcana #the arcana julian #the arcana portia #the arcana nadia #nadia satrinava #asra alnazar #the arcana headcanons #the arcana hc #muriel #portia devorak #julian devorak headcanons #nadia headcanons #lucio morgason

[jinxofthecipher]

Scene, Part 2:

It all starts with a small box of chocolates.

Deidara doesn’t notice them at first. Not when he’s busy checking his wallet, making sure they have enough to cover the bill that’s coming. Yep, all good, he thinks, returning to his bowl of rice and eyeing the restaurant once more. They chose a seat in the back corner where it gives an ample view of the place, enough for any missing-nin to be comforted. It’s bustling, more people than the artist has seen in weeks of travel. 

He takes another bite, looks up again and repeats. The straw hat is pulled down low over his face. It does little to hide him, not when he’s wearing his cloak, it’s a dead give-away, especially since the Akatsuki’s started gaining real momentum recently. Even so, the restaurant is so busy that no one seems to take notice, though the few that sit nearby give him wary looks. Everyone else is in their own little worlds, coming and going. Not looking or considering a potential nin in their midst. It’s almost peaceful, a fact that both calms Deidara and makes his hands itch for clay. The mouths click their teeth in agitation and he forces his focus back on the food. 

Bowl now empty, Deidara sits back in the booth, arms crossing as he looks around. Where the hell was Tobi? That idiot had left for the bathroom half an hour ago now! He grinds his teeth casting a look at the half-full bowl across from him. Probably got side-tracked again, that dumbass. He may not abhor him as much as he once had but still, that man knew how to get under his skin with little effort (he can just imagine the future meet up with Kakuzu, telling him all about Tobi’s irritations and the older man would of course sigh before going on to explain Hidan’s newest annoyance which usually ended up being far worse and far more bloody than anything Tobi’s done or probably will do, ever. Deidara can’t picture the other ever killing for enjoyment, he hardly even fought anyways, only evaded.).

There is a brief flicker of worry. Of Tobi possibly coming across someone brave enough to get into an Akatsuki members face. They wouldn’t need too much bravery given Tobi’s natural aura of stupidity; everyone undesterimated his partner, Deidara included which he shouldn’t be, not with all the pieces he’s collected, the suspicians, and just how easy it is to forget and believe Tobi’s just an idiot and nothing else. Either way, there should be no cause for alarm. If Tobi can slip past every attack Deidara has ever thrown at him (and those attacks were mighty powerful, if Deidara said so himself) then he could certainly deal with almost anyone else outside the organization.

So he brushes the thoughts away and digs out the money. He’ll wait, for now, at least, he thinks placing the bills on the table and goes to put the wallet back into the pouch. Blue eyes widen a fraction. Huh? He turns, peering into the pouch. Past the kunai and scrolls, at the very bottom is a small square box. It’s a glossy black, managing to catch the swinging light over Deidara’s head. 

His eyes narrow instantly and he hovers a hand over the box. No chakra signature. No obvious threat . . . the artist considers it a moment before daring to grab and pull it out. 

Pouch and restaurant forgotten, Deidara balances his elbows on the table and runs his fingers over the box before his face. It’s no bigger than a dango box though much wider. A small symbol is etched on top that reads SWEET’S; he recognizes it, a candy store in town that they had passed on the way here. There is also a note taped to the bottom, so securely that, for a second, he thinks it’s just a sticker for the company or price. It’s not and when he realizes this, Deidara digs at the edges with a nail until he’s able to open it. An edge tears, whatever holding it on a bit too good at it’s job but finally, he can read it.

 - Hope you like it - is written in barely legiable scrawl that Deidara doesn’t recognize. His eyebrows raise and, cautious, he looks around the restaurant. No one is looking at him, even the wary ones are focused on their food. Who in their right mind would give him a gift? And someone who doesn’t put a name, not even an initial? Well, perhaps it was an admirer of my art, I must’ve made some impression, he smirks at the possibility, smug.

Still, it’s just one of those cheap boxes of chocolate you can get. The one with a mixture of sweets that are never just chocolate. They’re usually an arrange of flavours ranging from carmel to coconut. And Deidara’s sweet tooth is only for chocolate these days. So, he opens it, fully prepared to just toss the box-only to see another note inside, laying delicately over the six chocolates. 

- Bought five more to give you all the kinds you liked~ -

Deidara stares, not understanding at first. He looks between the paper to the chocolate below and, slowly, realizes that they all look the same. So they’re all-

Going rigid, the artist looks around the place again. More suspicious then ever, his chakra now a mass of pure unadulterated paranoia. The mouths on his hand click, grinding in his tensity. There is no feasable way that anyone could have snuck the box into his bag AND known his preferences of chocolate. Hell, Tobi didn’t even know! 

As if sensing his mood swing and thoughts on him, Deidara sees Tobi skip across the restaurant, waving at one group of people who flinch back at his cloak. “Senpaiiiii,” he whines, hopping into his chair with more energy then Deidara could ever have, “Sorry Tobi took so long!! There was such a lovely person outside the restrooms!”

“He didn’t try and kill you, hm?”

“Nope!” Tobi hums, dipping into thoughtfulness for a second. “Well, maybe? You always try to blow me up sooooo I’m not sure!”

“I’m just keeping you on your toes. At least you dealt with the situation without hassel,” he notes the lack of fear or chakra signatures, if Tobi’s not lying then he did deal with the problem without even raising an alarm. His stomach twists, always feeling off whenever Tobi proves that, yes, he is far more capable then anyone could dream of being. Not that Deidara would ever admit that. And he wasn’t stronger then Deidara! So there. “Anyway, you ever seen this before?” He gives the box a tiny shake, having closed it up again and shoved both notes into his pockets. 

Tobi’s head dips, the hole in his mask leveling with the box as he hmm’s in the back of his throat. A hand reaches out, sliding over the edge and brushing Deidara’s just enough for the blonde to notice before pulling back. The other’s head cocks to the side and, for the millionth time, Deidara wishes he could see the face beneath it. He’ll never understand the odd desire to keep it hidden, unless it’s all just to annoy me, his annoyance grows at the thought. “Well?? I swear Tobi, I’ll-!”

“Oh, Deidara senpai, calmmmmm, please? Deidara’s eye twitches at the demand Tobi's seen ‘em cause he bought ‘em!” The artist’s mouth drops open at the proud declaration. His partner leans back into the booth, almost casual looking as he crosses his arms behind his head. “Did you try any of ‘em?? The owner said they were the best they had!”

Deidara was still reeling, eyes wide as he stared at the other, “you bought them?”

“Uh-huh!”

The artist stares at his partner who’s practically vibrating in his chair, leg swinging like a five year old who has no control of their energy. But what else is new? “Care to explain why? I’ve never told you my favorite chocolate,” he huffs, agitated, crossing his own arms to mirror Tobi’s, “And while you’re at it, explain why you decided to get your buisness partner a . . . a,” he searches for the right word. 

“Present?”

“Yes. Why get me a present?”

“Cause Tobi loves you~” He coos happily, words dripping in glee and Deidara glares at the obvious jest. Still, his chest tightens a fraction. Seeing his partners look of disbelief, Tobi shakes his head, “it’s true! Beleive poor Tobi for once, senpai! And,” he releases his hands from behind his head and leans forward, into Deidara’s space, “you told Tobi whatcha’ liked!”

A single eyebrow rose, “when?”

“Two months ago!” The mask bobs, eager, hands now flat on the table, a little too close to the ones Deidara has laced together on his side. Truly, if he considered all options, it wasn’t impossible that he wouldn’t have told Tobi his preferences but it was one of millions of conversations they’ve had.

“. . . you remember a random conversation we had, two months ago, about that of all things?”

“Of course!”

“I didn’t think you listened to half the things I say.” 

The hands actually do reach his now, attaching onto Deidara’s and giving a firm squeeze as Tobi nods, enthusiastic. “Tobi’s always listening and he always remembers what Deidara senpai says!” He tilts his head, “I promise.” He says, voice lower, full of certainty, and, more importantly, the third person eerily gone. Deidara can’t help feeling uncomfortable at the intensity Tobi is giving him at the moment. The hold on his hands is tight and he can’t tell if it’s a subtle warning or meant to be comforting. Either way, it doesn’t help that he can feel Tobi’s chakra buzzing, it’s the usual thrum but . . . there’s something beneath it. Something darker. Something that brings back questions of why Tobi can dodge every attack, why he was picked last to join the Akatsuki although he’s been around them for much longer. They pull at Deidara’s mind, begging to be put together, to form the rest of the picture. To come to the conclusion that’s been nagging at him for months. 

He should look at them. It all points to something bigger, even without proper analysis. 

But he discards them. No. Tobi is just his idiot of a partner who is just really good at dodging everything, that’s all. Lies, he thinks and ignores.

“So you just ignore all the other advice I give you?”

“As usual!” Tobi exclaims, the smile so obvious in his tone. He senses the change in chakra instantly and stills before yanking his hands back into a shielding display, “wait! No, senpai Tobi meant no disrespect, simply that- please! Think of the restaurant!”

Needless to say, the restaurant almost became a smoking crater; and two weeks later Deidara finds a rose tucked in his pouch, another note stuck to it and he can’t help the smile he gets at his idiot trying so hard.

Part 1: 

 https://jinxofthecipher.tumblr.com/post/638984358996344832/headcanonscene-when-deidara-was-first-told-that

#Naruto #Naruto Shippuden #Akatsuki #Deidara #Tobi #Obito Uchiha #Obito #ObiDei #TobiDei #Tobi x Deidara #Obito x Deidara #Obito Uciha x Deidara #Deidara's is probs smart enough to figure out the 'truth' or at least some of it #if he'd only allow himself #but it may be his odd way of protecting his partner and himself from the truth #would've been interesting if Deidara had been suspicious of him. Everything about Tobi if you look closer is odd #this is just the lead up to valentines for Tobi lol or it's a thing he's doing either way it works #I think they're both in a relationship but they're the last ones to know #So somehow Deidara and Kakuzu have become somewhat friends in my writing? They weren't going to be but then the arm thing happened #and they both have very 'irritating' partners (Even if they like them) so complaining to each other makes sense #hmm I like the idea