#why am i listening to them and crying over the emotions the music is making me feel and watching/listening to myself

[kashmirichaiwithmehr]

.

#found vids of myself playing guitar from a few years ago (early covid) #and tell me why I'm so emotional #1. i miss playing guitar like that #2. i looked sooooo different #3. i was in a deep depression #4. i thought i sounded bad when i sang along with the guitar -> #(im not a singer by any means but i write songs as a hobby) #and my voice has changed soooo much in that i was singing at a higher range than i should've been #and omg the songs i wrote and played 😭😭😭😭😭 #why am i listening to them and crying over the emotions the music is making me feel and watching/listening to myself #this is so personal i need to document this feeling #i don't recognize that girl anymore #maybe that's a good thing #but i still miss her #mehrtalks

[darkbluekies]

hedwig valentine story pls pls ε(´｡•᎑•`)っ 💕

Sweet like a Dior lip balm<3

Female!yandere oc x yn

Summary: valentines with your rich girlfriend is always sweet

Warnings: none?

Valentine’s special

You’re awoken by Hedwig softly caressing your face. with a yawn, you open your eyes and meet her hazel ones that are staring at you. A wide smile spreads on her face as you notice her. She’s dressed in her light blue satin pajamas — that she insisted to match with your green one. 

“Sit up, I have something for you”, Hedwig smiles and helps you up into a sitting position. 

You think that she is awfully excited this early in the morning. Carefully, you glance at the clock on the bed side table. Seven am. 

“I’m sorry, but I couldn’t sleep”, she smiles. “I was way too excited.”

“For what?” you yawn. 

“‘For what’? My love, it’s, Valentine’s day!”

“Oh, right.”

You haven’t gotten anything for her, because when you tried to go out and buy something for her, she threw a fit because you wanted to go alone. That’s her own fault, you think. 

“I have the entire day planned!” Hedwig smiles widely, clapping her hands excitedly. “We’re going to have so much fun!”

She places two neatly wrapped gifts on your legs while watching with big eyes as you open them. She has given you a rolex watch and a lip balm from Dior. 

“Why this?” you ask and hold up the lip balm. 

Hedwig giggles and opens the balm, swiping it along your lips. 

“Because I’m going to kiss you a million times today”, she smiles and pecks your lips sweetly. “And this makes it very nice. It’s my favorite one and I think that you would like one too.”

“It’s nice”, you reply, feeling it on your lips. 

Hedwig smiles. Her eyes are filled with love to the point that you wonder if she’s going to cry. She looks like she’s filled with bigger emotions than her body can handle. 

A knock on the door makes Hedwig gasp. She runs over to the door and lets her private chef come in, holding a tray in his hands. He places it on the bed and you can only drool over the thick, fluffy pancakes and multiple side dishes. The chef leaves and Hedwig smiles at you, nodding at the plates. 

“It’s yours”, she smiles. “All yours.”

“For me?” you question, even if it was clear that she had made her chef create this just for you. “Thank you.”

She watches you as you try the pancakes, and smiles widely when you make sounds of satisfaction. 

“I haven’t gotten you anything”, you say sheepishly. “You never let me go out and get you something.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that!” Hedwig exclaims and sounds genuinely surprised that you thought of that. “I already have everything I need. Just seeing you happy is all that I could ever wish for.”

She sprints up from the bed and over to her wardrobe where you have gotten your own little corner. She picks out a newly ironed outfit you own. 

“Do you want to wear this?” she asks, although you know that you will wear that no matter what. “It will match my dress.”

You nod. Hedwig smiles happily and handbags the outfit on the chair in the corner of the room. You get to change into the clothes once you have eaten and she helps you fix yourself. She styles your hair, takes care of your face and gives you jewelry. Carefully, she swipes the Dior lip balm over your lips, cups your cheeks and kisses you. 

“I love you so much”, she whispers lovingly. “You are everything I could ever need. I’m so lucky.”

You smile slightly. You never know what to answer when she bombards you with love. You never feel like anything you respond is enough. 

Two hours after waking up, you’re out of the house, hand in hand with your girlfriend. She looks like a doll, with curled hair, pink satin dress and a white handbag. Sometimes, you feel inferior to her, even though she is the one worshiping you. 

“Where are we going?” you ask as Hedwig’s driver opens the car doors for the two of you. 

“It’s a secret”, she smiles. “But I promise that you’re going to like it!”

During the entire car ride, you listen to music that you like, on Hedwig’s demand. You start to wonder if she has confused Valentine's day with your birthday. 

The car stops outside a Cafe and your eyes widens as you see the sign over the door, and the kittens in the window.

“You're kidding”, you gasp. “A cat Cafe?”

Hedwig smiles widely and nods excitedly. Her chauffeur opens your door and lets the both of you out. Hedwig drags you over to the door and you’re welcomed by two kittens that want to say hi. You pet them as Hedwig talks to the waiter about your reservation. The little kitten licks your fingers and purrs loudly. 

“Come, sweetheart”, Hedwig says and pats your shoulder. “We’ll be shown to our table.”

You let go of the little cat and joins Hedwig. You notice how the cat follows you with happy eyes. Hedwig giggles at the sight. You get to sit down by a window in the corner of the room, away from the other guests. 

“Here’s the menu, I will be back in a little while”, the waiter smiles, gives you two folders and leaves. 

You start to look through the menu and feel how the little cat jumps up on your lap.

“It’s following me”, you chuckle. 

“Yeah …”, Hedwig smiles as her unreadable smile slowly, carefully, widens. 

“Aren’t you going to see what you want?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah …”

She looks down into the menu, skimming through. You decide to get yourself a vanilla milkshake and a piece of chocolate cake. Hedwig orders a soda with a strawberry shortcake. She stares at you while you pet the cat that has fallen asleep in your lap. 

“I can already tell that you will be a great parent”, she smiles. “When we have our kids we have to get a pet too.”

“A cat?” you ask. 

“Not necessarily. I would love a dog. A pomeranian perhaps … or a poodle.”

You take a sip of your milkshake, and of course Hedwig wants to taste. She wants to take a bite of your chocolate cake as well, and you start to wonder if she ordered different food from you to be able to taste more. 

“I can’t believe how lucky I am”, she says. “I don’t dare to think about what would have happened if we would have never met, if you’d never have transferred to my school. I can’t picture my life without you. We graduate this summer, and then we’re free … and we can do what we want. Isn’t that fantastic?”

“I think that I’m going to go to university”, you say. 

“Oh, really? You don’t have to study, you know that right? You won’t even have to work. We can live on my money.”

“But I would like to continue studying.”

Hedwig looks genuinely shocked that you want to continue your studies. 

“I want to contribute to society”, you say. “Somehow.”

“We will”, Hedwig says and smiles widely. “But we won’t have to suffer for it! I’m going to be a runway model and you can do whatever you want. Indulge in your hobbies!”

You decide to not fight against her and instead enjoy the cake you ordered. 

The day continues with you and Hedwig petting cats and enjoying the food. Hedwig moves over the table to sit beside you while you play with a little kitten. She hugs your arm, leaning her chin on your shoulder. 

The sun sets early this time of year, and Hedwig insists on taking a walk around the wealthy neighborhood she lives in. The houses are three times the size of yours and worth more than your entire family’s income put together. Despite being with Hedwig for months now, you can’t still feel comfortable — you feel like you’re trying to be someone you’re not. Although cold and dark, it was nice to walk alongside Hedwig. 

“I know that this is supposed to be a ‘hot girl’ walk … but I’m cold”, you shiver. 

Hedwig turns to you and takes your hands between hers, blowing warm air. She’s always loving in every action she does. You’re impressed that a girl as wealthy and spoiled as Hedwig isn’t unbearable. She has never been insufferable, although you have noticed that she can be out of touch, but she has never been entitled. 

“Are you feeling better?” she asks sweetly. 

“When can we go inside?” you question. 

“When we’re cold enough.” She smiles slightly. “Otherwise the hot chocolate won’t taste as good.”

“What have you planned?”

“I’ve planned for us to snuggle down on the couch in the living room, watch a movie and drink hot chocolate.”

You can’t help but enjoy the idea. 

“You’re going to fall asleep before the movie starts though”, you tease her. 

“I will not!” she protests, but you know that she believes that as well.

You’re not sure that she has ever been able to watch an entire movie with you. Her excuse is that she feels so safe and comfortable with you that she gets tired, and eventually falls asleep. 

When you return inside, her father’s staff has already fixed the living room with romantic lit candles and steaming chocolate for the two of you. You change into pajamas and climb under a heavy blanket on the big couch with Hedwig right beside you. 

“Tastes better when you’re cold, don’t it?” she smiles. “I learned it when we were skiing when I was a kid. Now, I can only drink hot chocolate when I’m cold.”

You nod. Hedwig smiles and kisses your lips to lick off the whipped cream and giggles. You smile. 

Not even ten minutes into the movie, Hedwig has dozed off on your shoulder, holding your hand in hers. 

#yandere #yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere imagines #yandere drabbles #yandere oc x you #yandere fics #yandere oc x reader #yandere stories #female yandere #soft yandere

[thetriplets3]

When you're about to cry and he does that "hey, hey" thing

please do this with chris

❝𝐧𝐨 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬❞

chris and i have been together for almost 4 months now having met at a small get together of a mutual friend, which when it comes to them a small get together turns into a party.

-flashback-

i had wandered off starting to feel overwhelmed from the constant talking around me. soon enough i found myself in a room that was turned into a makeshift music studio. the room felt inviting and safe for me to hid in for a while. any open space that wasn’t cover with furniture of some kind was filled with more plants than i could name. the warm soft light beckoned me to make myself comfortable, choosing a bean bag nestled in the corner for an extra sense of security. i curled into myself getting comfy figuring it’d be a while till my friend wanted to go home since i went with her. shutting my eyes i listened to the soft sound of the music playing from the other side of the house. the sound of the mini fridge closing startled me, snapping me back to reality.

“oh shit my bad i didn’t think anyone would be here sorry if i scare you. i was just grabbing a pepsi and was hang out here for a bit but i can go if you wanna be alone i mean you came up here for a reason”

“no no you’re good you can stay i just needed to get away from the crowd it was too much for me. so much for a small get together i should have expected this”

“i get that that’s why i came up here. want a drink? there’s pepsi, root beer, water or iced tea?”

“iced tea please”

he grabbed my drink and made himself comfortable on the adjacent bean bag and didn’t hesitate to ask if i was okay and if i needed anything having heard me mention the party was getting too much for me. i had just met him and he wanted to make sure i was okay, something about that just warmed my heart how concerned he was. we began talking about how we knew the host and the more we talked the more we realized how much we had in common. i’m usually wary of men joining me if i’m alone at a party, you can’t trust everyone most of the time they’re drunk or have some weird intention, but something about chris just made me feel automatically safe. before i knew it it was 4 hours later my friend came in the room outta breath complaining how she’d looked everywhere for me and that she’s ready to go home. not wanting to keep her waiting any longer but also not wanting to leave chris, i begrudgingly get up from my comfy spot.

“i’m sorry i’ve gotta go she’s my ride. thanks for keeping me company i really liked talking to you”

“me too. would i be able to get your number? i’d love to see you again if that’s not too forward”

-5 months later-

safe to say i gave him my number. when we first started dating we both opened up about being hesitant of relationships seeing as it’s my first one and he’d been hurt before, the whole idea of dating was unfamiliar to us but we worked through it and i think getting all of our worries and insecurities out really strengthen our relationship.

despite bring together for a few months he’s yet to see me cry which i know isn’t a big deal but that’s just who i am. i’m a sensitive person but i hold it in and break when i’m alone. i was always a very emotional empathetic child the slightest thing made me cry whether it be sad or happy tears. constantly being told “stop crying” or “you’re crying over that?” really got to me now i try and keep my emotions in.

sure chris has seen me get upset or worked up about something so silly. one time i was putting the dishes away and could hardly reach the mug shelf but nonetheless i tried putting a mug in a spot that looked like it’d fit and pushed it a little too hard knocking the mug i made for chris when i did a pottery class on a friends birthday. the mug was coming straight towards i tried catching it but couldn’t and it landed on the ground with a loud smash. tears instantly pricked my eyes seeing the cup i was so proud of smashed to pieces.

third person

chris was playing video games in the living room with his headset on, one ear slightly uncovered so he could listen to you softly sing to your music finding comfort in your voice and presence. a shattering sound followed by your silence had him ripping his headset off and running to the kitchen to see you with the saddest frown on your face and your breathing picking up. rushing over to you he kicks the remnants of the mug out of the way.

-your pov-

“what happened? are you okay? are you hurt? did you step on any pieces?” his voice filled with concern as his eyes dart across my face for any signs of hurt.

“your mug. i broke your mug” my voice so quiet it’s barely audible but the cracks in it indicating in close to tears.

“oh baby it’s okay it’s just a mug i can get another one as long as you’re okay i’m not concerned about the mug. are you okay?” he says lifting my chin drawing my attention to him instead of the tragedy on the floor.

“but it’s the mug i made you your favorite mug and i just smashed it to pieces i’m sorry i shouldn’t have tried reaching when i knew i couldn’t. i broke your mug” i spew out apologies as tears start escaping my eyes.

“hey hey no tears baby. look at me forget about the mug for a sec i care more about you right now, are you okay?” he says cupping my cheeks as his thumbs rub across my cheeks in a soothing manner, wiping away tears as they fell.

“yes i’m okay”

“good i’m glad” he says as he lifts me onto the counter away from the shards and stands between my legs. “i’m not upset about the mug baby. yes it was my favorite mug but only because i know you made it and i loved how excited you were that you made a mug on your first try making pottery. it melted my heart that you could have made anything and you immediately thought to make something for me. it was the thought and love that went into the mug that made me love it. things are replaceable no need to get upset i’m glad you didn’t get hurt. i appreciate you putting the dishes away you didn’t have to do that”

“you had a busy week i just wanted you to relax and not have to deal with the dishes but then i made a whole scene and- and i- your mug” my voice falters, eyes still watery.

“nope don’t wanna hear it pretty girl i’m not upset or mad don’t worry about it okay. i’ll clean it up. how about for our next date we do pottery huh how’s that sound? then i can make you something too i have ideas already”

“i love you thank you for being so gentle with me and my silly feelings”

“i’d never get upset or over something like this or anything really. it’s not silly for you to be upset over this i know you were proud of it you’re allowed to be sad. i love you and i think it’s beautiful that you have the capacity to feel things so deeply” he wraps his arms around body one arm holding my head to his chest as he plants kisses to my hair.

i love the way he loves me

taglist: @antisocialties @iluvmatt @dwntwn-strnlo @fake-coolbeans @opheliaofficial07 @angelcake-222 @oneirophobic @strniolo @lollibumblebee @ssturniolo @20nugs @strniolo @abbie13sworld @luvsturniolo

#sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader

[wishuroses]

.⠀ ݁ ⸜⸜ 𓂃 𓇼 crybaby, neteyam sully.

✶ pairings: neteyam x omatikaya!reader

✶ warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, reader is emotional but cheeky tey is here to save the day, can be read as platonic but with the way he speaks it might as well be romantic, uppercase intended!

✶ word count: 581

✶ na’vi glossary: sänui – failure.

✶ a/n: thought i was about to fall into having writers block or something but all i needed to do was listen to music LOL i am so sleepy. happy reading :-)

“You, child, are truly a disgrace! The only thing the Great Mother has ever disappointed me with is you. Sänui.”

“The children of our clan cry less than you.”

You already knew your mother was about to burst, judging from her clenched jaw and anger practically radiating off her every time you lingered near. You didn’t understand why she didn’t understand that you only cried because of her.

“Leave. Don’t come back until eclipse. Incompetent child.”

That was how you ended up here, your back against the bark of a tree, forest floor lighting up beautifully beneath your weakened limbs. You felt numb, to put it short, your vision blurring with salty tears as you stared ahead, the sound of flora and fauna nulling into nothingness.

Even the sharp snap of a nearby stick didn’t deter you from your trance-like state. Neteyam called your name once, twice, and with a tug to your arm you finally looked over at him, eyes glazed over and not fully in your mind just yet.

“Oh, hey Neteyam.” Your voice was soft, barely above a whisper, pitifully raspy from sobbing your eyes out. After a beat of silence, you were sure you had to repeat yourself, straightening your slouch and readying your chapped lips, until Neteyam cut you right off.

“Are you.. alright?” Oh. He must’ve seen the faraway look in your eyes, nearly masked by the red puffiness that surrounded them.

The question was innocent, simple, anything you’d ask a friend who seemed down. Yet it still managed to strike you right in the heart, tugging at your chest until a sob bubbled from up your throat and out your mouth like hot syrup.

You thought you were fine a few seconds ago, nearly done with your pity party. Why are you crying all over again, now that Neteyam’s here? Your hot tears ran down the slope of your cheek as you sniffled uncontrollably, face flushed a pretty purple from embarrassment.

Neteyam was quiet the entire time, only opting to shuffle closer to you and wrap an arm around your shaking shoulders, squeezing you every few moments.

After he felt like you were calming down, he ran a hand through your braids, tucking your head in the crook of his neck. “Tell me,” he started, accent heavy and voice rumbling from his chest, “what seems to be troubling you, my heart?”

“My mother, she– I–” You gasped out desperately. “She thinks something’s wrong with me, calls me a sänui. Thinks I cry too much… I guess.” The explanation felt like it made no sense when it came out of your mouth, making everything you just cried about feel silly.

“And you believe what she says?”

A second passed, then another, and another–

Neteyam sighed and gently knocked his forehead against your temple. “You are perfect, truly. Nothing short of it.” Your mouth formed a pout, brows furrowed when you felt the faucet in your eyes turn steadily. “The Great Mother has blessed me with someone like you, and I thank her every waking moment–truthfully.”

He tucked a stray braid behind your ear. Your cheeks flush at the action.

“Teyam.. are you trying to make me sad again?”

“You can be a bit of a crybaby.” He pinched your flushed cheeks, making you squirm and playfully slap his hand away. A grumbled ‘tey’ made its way from your mouth, making his ears perk up while mirth shone in his honeyed eyes.

“But you’re my crybaby.”

#neteyam #neteyam sully #neteyam te suli tsyeyk'itan #atwow neteyam #avatar neteyam #atwow #atwow x reader #avatar #avatar the way of water #neteyam x reader #neteyam x y/n #neteyam x you #neteyam sully x reader #avatar x reader #avatar x y/n #avatar x you #na'vi x reader #na'vi x y/n #na’vi x reader #angst #x reader #neteyam sully x y/n #neteyam sully x you #hurt/comfort #drabble #avatar drabble #neteyam drabble #neteyam x omaticaya!reader #atwow x you #atwow x y/n

[occultic-luna]

ASTRO OBSERVATIONS IV

Hey y’all welcome to my 4th observations post : )

DO NOT STEAL OR PLAGIARISE. GIVE CREDITS

These are simply my observations and they don’t have to resonate with everyone.

Anyhoo here we gooo : )

✨🌙 I’ve seen Leo moon women show people their emotions through styling their hair. As y’all should. Show them how it’s done 😌

✨🌙 Taurus Mars can be extremely stubborn when they firmly believe in something. It’s sometimes really frustrating trying to get them to think otherwise. Or make them see from another perspective.

✨🌙 Mutable Mercury I’ve noticed adapt into new ideas very quick. Not a surprise tbh.

✨🌙 I know so many people say water placements can be prone to drug addiction but have y’all ever seen water placements addicted to maladaptive daydreaming? It gets worse than drug addiction.

✨🌙 A lot of the times from what I’ve seen Virgo placements and hygiene is really true even if they don’t care much for it, they are usually surrounded by someone significant that makes them care about it.

✨🌙 I’ve seen people with prominent planets in the 18th degree actually go through a lot of suffering in their lives.

✨🌙 Libra sign/degree midheaven can really fantasise about working in the arts or being seen as creative and boujee.

✨🌙 Cancer placements can show emotions but once they mature they can be great at hiding their emotions. If they want to you can never truly know what’s exactly going on in their lives.

✨🌙 Aquarius moon can actually have very high standards for themselves and when they don’t meet it, they can really get depressed.

✨🌙 Taurus moons, their moods can change depending on the music they listen too. One minute they’re dancing the next crying. I know that happens to everyone but I’ve seen it take a lot of effect on Taurus moons in specific.

✨🌙 Black moon Lilith in gemini can be into open relationships.

✨🌙 I’ve seen so many Capricorn placements that can actually “play the part” to attract potential suitors. Seen it happen way too many times.

✨🌙 Venus in Capricorn can’t deal with immature or overly emotional partners for too long even if it’s an arranged marriage there’s a time when they get fed up of the constant emotional outbursts. That’s why a lot of them look for emotionally stable partners in the first place.

✨🌙 This Pluto sextile Neptune cycle really bought a revolution in spirituality and bought hidden knowledge out for the world to see. Especially when Neptune hit Aquarius.

✨🌙 Moon in Capricorn have a lot of “links.” Like for example if they’re a student I’ve noticed that these people know someone at least from every course lmao. Somehow these people sometimes really manage to get work cut out for them. Can y’all get my work cut out for me too lol?

✨🌙 Aries placements can be fierce and whatnot but have y’all seen these people in love? Damn they can be cornier than a water sign. It’s true and cute lol.

✨🌙 Also Aries placements especially Venus have the ability to bounce back quick from a heartbreak or they like to act like it doesn’t bother them. It doesn’t have to be in love just any type of heartbreak.

✨🌙 Libra sun y’all are so stylish man teach me your ways. Even when you don’t put much effort you manage to pull it off.

✨🌙 Truth be told, once cardinal signs put their mind to something, it’s really game over for others.

✨🌙 Mars conjunct Jupiter, these people usually have a lot of energy when they’re young. These are the types of people you’d see doing multiple sports on sports day.

✨🌙 Moon in 1st house can be great actors/actresses. They’re able to truly immerse themselves in the role and their expressions can be really on point.

✨🌙 Venus in Pisces/ Pisces degree/12th house love with their whole heart. Usually people, lovers or friends don’t forget these types of people easily. Their love is pure and unconditional.

✨🌙 I am pretty much convinced that Gemini placements can be extremely open minded and they generally accept everyone, or at least like to show they do.

✨🌙 Libras can be really social people I honestly believe that’s where the people pleasing thing comes from tbh.

✨🌙 Aries moon, your passion when it comes to things is truly inspiring.

✨🌙 Scorpio Venus would give up everything when they’re in love. Not all but I’ve seen it play out a lot with this aspect.

✨🌙 8th house placements or scorpio placements can be very prone to sleep paralysis. Stay protected y’all.

✨🌙 Also 8th house placements and scorpio placements tend to get strong reactions out of people a lot of the times. I’d definitely say it’s the plutonic influence.

✨🌙 Sagittarius Mercury, a lot of the ones I’ve met have voices that can be recognised from a mile away. But these people are great at voice impersonation lmao it’s honestly funny how accurate they can be.

That’s the end of my astro observations part 4 hope y’all enjoyed!

Once again let me know what you guys think : )

Till next time!

Love, Luna ✨🌙

#occultic-luna #astrology blog #astroblr #astro observations #astro notes #astrology #astro community #8th house #moon in 1st house #scorpio #cancer #sagittarius #mars conjunct jupiter #libra sun #moon in capricorn #black moon lilith #gemini #taurus mars #mutable #virgo placements #aquarius moon #taurus moon #venus in pisces #venus in 12th house #scorpio venus #luna #talks #luna talks #occultic luna

[missezramay]

ted lasso, post-finale thoughts.

I went into the finale thinking yeah, if the writing serves, I can accept any outcome even if it's not exactly what I want. Instead, I was hit with a plethora of mixed emotions I didn't expect to have. Confusion, anger, hurt, annoyance, small bursts of joy in between, and just deep sadness. Almost 20 hours later and I'm still incredibly dissatisfied and processing. For the most part, finales should provide a feeling of celebration and relief. I... don't feel any of that.

I'm just really trying to pinpoint why I'm so sad.

Of course everything inevitably has to come to an end. Of course Ted was always going to reunite with his kid. Of course it's not about winning or losing. Of course Tedbecca can remain platonic if that was always the plan. Of course that's the way life goes, but...

For a show (and this season particularly) that constantly encouraged us to 'believe' and 'hope' in the idea that 'everything will work out', all those 75 minutes did was take me on an unsettling, emotional journey for no concrete reason other than to mess with the audience (the opening scene was just adding salt in the Tedbecca wound I've had since S2). Because everything in a macro sense, "worked out". But the WAY it "worked out" does not sit well with me?? And it's supposed to? For a lot of people (on Reddit/Facebook, lol), it was enough?? Richmond not technically winning and Ted leaving like that without so much as a tear? What am I missing??

When I tell you I'm trying to embrace the good parts, I'm really trying. Yes to KBPR & the women's team, Yes to Colin kissing his fella, Yes to Rebecca & Mae & the guys owning the club, Yes to Roy becoming Manager.

So... why am I still so upset? Hmm, let's see.

The boys' musical number? The cutest. Ted didn't think so.

Nate's apology? Heartbreaking. Ted didn't bat an eyelash.

Rebecca begging twice for Ted to stay? Ted, absolute silence.

Beard staying/getting married in London to his toxic gf? Comic relief, haha, fine. Except Ted wasn't there as Best Man.

Don't even get me started on the huge disservice to the Roy/Keeley/Jamie triangle.

Now listen, I get that he misses Henry & Henry misses his dad. I'm not that cold. A father/son's love is important. It was always the catalyst for this show; for him to work on himself so he can be a better father unlike the one he grew up with. That's fine.

But on this particular week. His last week with his Richmond family. There was NO sense of him being sad to leave them. He can be sad about missing Henry but he can ALSO be sad about leaving. No, he just completely checked out. He let everyone pour out their hearts (Hannah's getting her third Emmy, mark my words) to him, and he just stone-faced the entire time.

THIS DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE TO ME.

The argument is that he was internally processing, he was overwhelmed, he was trying to distance himself so it would hurt less. Fair points, okay. But this is a television show, moreover, A FINALE. TV characters, while relatable, are heightened versions of ourselves, there so we can better process our emotions and learn to handle things better in our real lives. Ted deserved MORE dialogue and displaying MORE emotion than whatever this was.

We're never going to see him again. We're over here crying along with Rebecca, Nate & Beard, but he didn't sob once. Even though he spent three years building a family with them. I even thought, hey at least he left his legacy with Trent's book but newsflash, he wanted his name taken off that too! Complete erasure.

I just feel so robbed of better moments. Like there were nice moments here and there. But they could've been BETTER. Honestly, Nate & Rebecca's breakdowns were close to perfection, so much love there. But the lack of dialogue and Ted not reciprocating? Broke ME.

I just cannot. understand. this. choice.

Massive sigh. I'm just truly baffled by the way everything wrapped up and not getting the satisfied feeling that one half of the viewership got. Maybe I'm in the minority, but that means something. It carries weight. Also, for a "three-season arc" that was planned well in advance, why all the rewrites and parallels and fakeouts... it's just cruel. But as the theme says (and maybe this was a warning all along), yeah, I guess this might well be it.

This show has given us so much and the last season flailed for the most part. I don't want to disrespect the show by being negative and cynical (looks like I failed!!) or cast blame on anyone in particular. The cast/crew are amazing people and I'll be grateful for being a part of the journey but I'm just so sad and this feeling sucks and I will never get over it.

Going to miss them. x

#ted lasso #spoilers #thoughts #finale #text post #tedbecca #roykeeley #jason sudeikis #hannah waddingham

[captain-pheonix]

Currently menstruating, id like to see the TF2 men (or support classes) experience the wild ups and down of mother nature when Reader lashes out at them over something comically stupid and then starts crying dramatically out of guilt for being so mad. Then goes back to happy and normal a moment later. Because i am an emotional wreck when the blood flows and i need an outlet for it. Thank youuu!!! Angle 📐 😇🪽

A/N: I know your pain bbg ❤️ tysm for sending it in Angle! I did a sort of half oneshot half headcannons thing, hope that’s ok, here you are! (Sorry this took a bit, life had been terrible recently)

Warnings: talk of menstruation (duh)

Scout:

- Whenever your on your period he would probably go to Medic for advice and some remedies

- He might think it’s really gross but he knows you can’t really control it after he got it explained to him

- He might notice if something is a little off about you that day

- Maybe by the way you seem annoyed or you trying to fight a fed up expression

- Most likely you would just be hanging out in his room at the base, laying in his bed and Scout drawing in a notebook, chatting with you

“Hey, d’you wanna try drawin’ somethin’? I’ll teach ya!”

“Oh, sure? Why not.”

- While you two are drawing you start having trouble following along with him

- The lines don’t match up with the ones you draw next and you start getting annoyed

- Eventually, you snap and just tear the paper in half

“Why are you such a good artist!? It’s unfair!”

- You get up off the bed and start pacing around, uncontrollably fuming

- After going from one wall to the other, you look back up at Scout’s crestfallen expression, sad kicked puppy eyes with a hint of realization

- The tears start falling and Scout smiles and lets out a little sigh, and beckons you to come sit beside him

“Hey, sweetness. C’mere.”

“No, no, no, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

“It’s all good. I get it. Just let me take care of you.”

- Scout presses a kiss to your forehead

Sniper:

- Would likely enjoy it quite a bit if you just wanted a few lazy days with him

- He might go get candy and snacks to take care of you for the week

- He might not fully understand how periods work but he’s probably heard some things

- you two could hang out in his camper and read magazines/listen to music/cuddle

- maybe you start thinking about how you have chores to do and how you’re not doing anything

“Jeez, what is wrong with me? Why can’t I just get up and do dishes or something?”

“It’s alright, roo. You have all the time in the world. Just rest.”

“But—I mean c’mon, I have to do something.”

“Well, do ya feel up to it?”

“Uh…no, I’m in a lot of pain, but—“

“So don’t.”

- the feeling that you need to something starts making you feel bad about yourself and you start silently crying and trying to wipe your tears away

- when Sniper notices he gets concerned and wraps his arms around you

“Hey, hey, you alright?”

“Yeah, heh, sorry. Stupid hormones.”

- Sniper just huffs a laugh and keeps hugging you

Demoman:

- ok let’s be real he would offer you some booze for the pain and stuff

- a movie night would work nicely, because demo could probably pass out sometime during it and it would be a calm night

- the characters in the movie start making you angry, but weirdly angry

“Why do we have to watch this? It never ends up well for the main character! This is depressing!”

“Uh..We could watch something else, ya know.”

“WHY AM I SO ANGRY ALL OF A SUDDEN? WHY DO WE HAVE TO WATCH THIS STUPID THING?!”

- Demo turns off the TV

- you start crying after realizing you snapped at him

“Wait—no no I’m sorry.”

“Hey, lad/lass, c’mere.”

- Demo and you end up cuddling and then both passing out on the couch

Spy:

- I feel like he might know a bit about periods

- But it would really gross him out

- At least he might romance and charm you to make you feel better

- 100% get you fine wine and snacks to make you feel special and loved

- Lounging in his smoking room 10/10, might even offer you some of his special cigars or something if you smoke

- Treats you like high royalty

- Probably goes to medic for painkillers and other things to make you feel better

- Totally a chance to learn to dance to some music on the record player in his smoking room

- I feel like making a bunch of mistakes would set you off

“This isn’t working. Why aren’t my feet working? You’re the best teacher there could be, what am I doing so wrong!?”

- You break away from Spy and hide your tears by turning away from him

“Mon Chérie, are you alright?”

- He walks back in front of you to see you crying

“I’m...sorry.”

- Spy gives you a forehead kiss and wraps you in a warm embrace

- 10003939/10 gentleman he rubs your back until you feel better

Heavy:

- Heavy would likely not care at all, growing up with 4 other women for most of his life

- Considering this he would probably be at least a little educated

- Any questions he had would likely be answered by Medic

- I feel like Heavy would be one of the most understanding mercs

- At Heavy’s turn for making dinner, you decide to go help him because you feel like you’ve been lazy all day

- You burn your hand and start cussing wholeheartedly

“Am I just that bad at cooking!? I’m honestly so useless. Why can’t you teach me to be better!?”

- Heavy’s just straight up confused for a second

“Oh..oh no. I’m sorry.”

- tears start falling

“Is ok. Heavy understands.”

- bear hugs and then finishing up dinner <3

Medic:

- Bro has every remedy on hand and definitely tracks it for you

- So he would already know hormonal vs. Actually being mean/sad

- A good scenario might be a lazier day when you just hang out in his lab, and he educates you more on what he’s doing and why

- It starts you feeling like you’re not good enough and that Medic is so much better at his job than you

“And das how it’s done! Fascinating, ja?”

“Yeah. I guess I just wish I could do all this great stuff like you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, c’mon, you know everything! You know so much you can just do surgery on someone and everything works out!”

“Well, it’s not that simple,—are you crying?”

- You just nod

“Ah. Come here, mein liebling.”

- gives you hugs and kisses until you’re better 🥰

———————————

Thank you for reading!! Again, I’m so sorry that took so damn long. I’m getting back into writing today!

#team fortress two #tf2 #scout tf2 #tf2 demoman #tf2 scout #sniper tf2 #team fortress demoman #tf2 x reader #tf2 x you #tf2 heavy x reader #medic tf2 #tf2 medic #medic x reader #scout x reader #tf2 sniper x reader #sniper x reader

[i-got-the-feels]

Bad Buddy

@taeminie 1

This quote and them and the rooftop scene for "you will never be friends"!!! Big fucking brained Ali!!

@dengswei 1

Pat's face of love and adoration accompanying as to how he loves pran with his every atom and prans face of heartbreak because he looks at him with despair. Perfect lines for them.

@daymork 1

25-21 x Bad Buddy = me shaking screaming and crying. That too a fucking baek yijin quote. The day this doesn't make me insane (it will never happen)

@snimeat 1

Something about how pat pran balance each other no matter where they go, be it whether they are happy or sad. I think the essence of that is beautifully captured with the quote and pictures you chose gei

@pranpat 1 2 3

1 I don't even need to elaborate. The set fucking begins with "we lead two different lives, just like two lines that never cross"

2 Jay, I hope you know you chose violence by combining richard siken and rooftop scene together. I hope you know what you did.

3 "who will come into the kitchen and be hungry for me?" with that expression of pat. Followed by pran saying "I always wanted to cook for someone I like" I am so so so okay

@sunsetandthemoon 1

You beautifully summarized their whole journey and that is why this is here. It's one of the sets that will always make me emotional

Only Friends

@celestial-sapphicss 1

This song describes the soul of the show. This set captures it.

@alienwlw 1 2 3

1) The words!!! With the shots you chose!! Childhood ray in first set!! And happy smiling ray daring to hope for a future with sand!!

2) this set beautifully captures how ray let's himself be used by mew. Because he thinks that's the kind of love he deserves. That's how much love he deserves. Even though he knows he can have more with sand, that is why he selfishly tried stopping sand to move on.

3) delving deeper into Boston's motivations? Yesssss. His sexual escapades as a way to feel human connection? Give me more

@spicyvampire 1

"You're coming down with me hand in unlovable hand" pleaseee Boston does not know how to define love. And the definitions he has are in conflict with the society he lives in. That's why he is alone. That's why he is hurt. Even if he owned up to his mistakes.

@gunsatthaphan 1

The shot of gifs with the words?? Hues of healing with them holding hands in bathtub? Shadows of patience and hours accompanying sands heartbreak of "ray *was* my 25th hour scene? I have said enough

@smileytharn 1

This. Them holding hands. After the initial hesitation. After ray went to sand to apologise and show how much he means to him. Sand acknowledging that and opening up more to him about music - the thing that means most to him. Amazing zey!

@raypakorn 1

A set capturing Ray's Self-destructive nature perfectly not being on the list? Not today, buddy. Not today. Today, we cry at tanies amazing brain and talent in making this set

@sollucets 1

This song and them? Especially the time ray was "confused" over his feelings for sand. Heartbreak. Never thought a bop pop song can cause this much emotional damage. Amazing job love

@icouldhyperfixatehim 1

What I love about this edit is that captures Boston's journey so well. As a friend. Their friendships fallout and reconciliation, or no reconciliation with mew. As a lover, and being left behind because you both no longer have denial as an option and have to escape the fact that you guys are too different in defining love and hence cannot be together.

@sandrayy 1

Listen this quote goes well with sandrayy. Because if anyone understands the value of Ray's tears and will die rather than see ray cry is sand.

Kinnporsche

@dingyuxi 1

This poem is for them okay? "you are too good at violence and he is too good at forgiving" with scenes you chose will always devastate me

@kinnporsche 1

A big hug and chefs kiss to you because the scenes you chose? Episode 4, Episode 5 angst and Episode 7 ending? Yesssss. They burned for each other. Only when did they give in they found solace because they burned brighter together.

@kinnsporsche 1

The scenes you chose!! Kinn giving into his attraction to Porsche and calling him his sun. Him letting go Porsche as moon when he lets him go. And the scene where he tells Porsche how special he is as stars!!!

@alienwlw 1 2 3 4

1) "I let darkness eat the light" + Vegas standing in tears after kan left after inflicting his violence!!!!!

2) holy water scene with pete telling Vegas he is very hungry and needs to be taken care of?????? The big brained energy never ending with you my friend

3) Vegas being vulnerable openly!! The way you beautifully showed his journey to this point where he confesses his insecurities to pete!!! Insane!! Talented!!

4) pete coming to terms with this side of his? The side that craves violence. The side that craves to be dominated. Amazing

@magicaldreamfox1 1

The gif of pete leaving his job to show his support to Vegas. Even when he didn't know if Vegas would survive or not!!! Brilliant BRILLIANT.

@spicyvampire 1

I AM NOT ON MAIN FAMILY'S SIDE. I AM NOT ON MINOR FAMILY'S SIDE. I AM ON YOUR SIDE = TO TO HELL WITH YOU. galaxy brained. No notes. No words. No thoughts. Just AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

@khaotunqs 1

The coloring in the set made me loose it. Black and white with hints of pink? The talent?! Also the quote you chose? Attack on every direction my friend. Mercy please.

@guzhu-furen 1 2

1) a set that highlights a relationship between all the brothers? Ofc i cried. Next question.

2) the fact that even pete didn't know why he went. Until he forced to acknowledge it ofc. The quote is perfect perfect for the scene you have choosen

Between Us

@smittenskitten 1

A parallels of the "be brave for me" scene is made for me. I cry.

Last Twilight

@sandrayy 1 2

1) I have rambled about how the quote goes so well with them in tags and will do again. They both help each other find their purpose. Something they lost along the way by the course their life took. And this existential shit makes me emotional.

2) I love how simple the quote is yet because of the scenes chosen shows the initial flurry of nervousness and excitement when new to liking someone so well

@morkofday 1 2

1) The way they both met each other just days ago but already cherish each other. As individuals. Not as roles they play in each other's life. I cannot.

2) this!! you cannot tell me that when Mork held on to days chin and dismissed the job opportunity they both didn't have horny visions. You cannot. I think you showed their journey beautifully here.

Also love the oranges in both - i d k if its intentional but love that it goes with the shows name so well.

Love In The Air

@bird-inacage 1

The words just hit me whenever I see this set. Love, your writing is beautiful. The font you have used in the set amazing. The scenes you have chosen are perfect. Thank you for this.

@prapais 1

The softness and protectiveness prapai has towards sky. And how even if he isn't a violentan for nature, he wouldn't hesitate for sky. Uff.

Midnight Museum

@daymork 1

I love the composition of the images. Especially the second one. Showing his fate across universes before showing their conversation in third image? The sense of hope that I got after the feeling of futility?? Totally brings across the feelings i have towards the damn articraft.

@alexshenry 1

The coloring of purple and yellow is so fucking dreamy. And something about Kathadome and moon - a universal symbol of hope, of light in darkness??? Amazing my love Nuria

@hoppipolla 1

I am so sorry love. I adore your set because it brings out the universal truth. Time doesn't erase the pain. It's just that we learn to manage it better. Thanks to people around us. The same happened with Katha. I am so glad I found this set

My School President

@pharawee 1

Their friendship!! They will always be there for each other. Gun can be vulnerable with them without worry. Something he doesn't easily do probably cause he doesn't want to worry his mum. But all his friends encourage him to be open and vulnerable. They tell him he is okay and how just because he is strong he doesn't always have to be strong.

@chinzillas 1

Anna!! This edit is one of those forever emotional damage causing arts. It perfectly gets the slice of life, I am growing up. I aam happy but scared to grow up. I am leaving behind the me i currently know. Will I like how I grow to be? How much of it can I control? The anxiety, the home, the excitement, the dreams, the optimism, the hope and the fears we all have as young adults is so fucking beautifully felt in this edit.

Not me

@dimpledpran 1

I cannot believe I discovered this edit so late. The quote is so fucking accurate. And the scenes chosen? Especially for the second gif with tawi??? Big brained energy

@taeminie 1

The scenes you chose for how the kingdom lights shined and one day we will be remembered are PERFECT

@magicaldreamfox1 1

A black and white journey edit in interaction with their parents? Those parents who are people in power and that maintain the very system their kids are revolting against? Delicious

@morkofday 1

I am so glad I requested this set because your badassself delivered. The differences in their ideologies is shown so beautifully here. I cry.

Vice Versa

@ardentlytess 1

Whenever I see this edit, it makes me nostalgic. This is the edit I shall use when persuading my friends to watch vice versa. It captures their journey so beautifully.

@daymork 1

They fell in love with each other without knowing each other's faces. Survived travelling across universe. And had "thank you for being born so that I can love you" so no they aren't ever ending

Never Let Me Go

@shuyis 1

This quote and Palm??? Perfection. He didn't hate his mother for leaving him. Sure he was hurt ans confused but he gave her the benefit of doubt. And when he met her and heard her reason? He accepted her. He loved her. He grieved her loss. He didn't hate his father who left him when he was a boy to go a protect a boy his age. He was concerned for his father's safety and well being. Hell he didn't even hate the boy or boys family. Palm was kind in true sense of the word.

@jyuubin 1

Not tooting my horn but in one of my sets I made for nlmg I wrote a line. It was "if the choice between me and you, it's not a difficult choice at all. I'd always choose you" and I love how this set captured that. Palm didn't give up on him and Nueng even when Nueng became scared and did. He fought for them.

Moonlight Chicken

@maggiecheungs 1

This set inspired me to make my basic-ass set. Need I say more as to how much I adore this?

@jimmysea 1

Heart and li ming don't just see each other. They welcome each other. And the thing about welcoming someone is you understand everyone has their own time of coming to you. They gave each other the time required without rushing the other and the quote you chose just gets this across so well

@raypakorn 1

The damn quote. With Alan. And the scene you chose. "I am on business of loosing your interest". Yeah so okay I am.

@pharawee 1

The neon font just fits so well with the vibe of the show. Light in between darkness. Feeding people at night when people are most tired.

@taeminie 1

The quote goes so so so fucking well with heart and li ming. For heart, li ming is the first person to make accommodations for his need without showing him pity. His gratitude, amazement and love for li ming just come across so well.

The Eclipse

@youdontloveme-yet 1 2 3

The day I am not wrecked over by these 3 sets you made for eclipse is the day you can consider sun has risen from west. What were you thinking while making these? "chasing after echoes" for akk???? "there are only remnants left of you" for Ayan??????

@morkofday 1

The sense of home they give for each other. Akk can keep his fears of inadequacy at rest when with Ayan because Ayan accepts and cherishes him as he is. Ayan can take off his mask of strength off and show his grief and sadness because akk will be there to support him.

To Sir, With Love

@shyishsarawat 1

Listen for a low-heat soap opera? These dudes fucked a lot through their eyes. And when they touched? Yeah that was hotter than any kiss. And i think the quote perfectly captures the tension, devotion, adoration and love they share for each other

@tinnchan 1

Take me to church?????? With to sir with love??? Nads I wish I could say more but my brain just goes AHHHH THIS SONG IS THEM THEY ARE READY TO DIE FOR EACH OTHER THEY ARE EACH OTHER'S RELIGION THEY WORSHIP THEIR LOVE. THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS THEIR SHRINE.

Things to note

These include edits that I found in 2023.

These include edits that gave me the feels.

Thank you for your art. They make the experience of watching the show all the more fun. It helps in appreciating the characters. It helps me see them in new light.

Looking forward to see more of art from amazing artists on here.

To people I didn't tag - tumblr tagging limit sucks. Your art is beautiful simply because it's made. You made it with a feeling and that in itself is beautiful.

Also, the tag is #becauseigtf in case yall wanna tag me in future :)

#2023 wrap up #thank you artists

[marvel-starwarsfangirl]

Even on this first Bad Batch-less Wednesday, I'm drawn back to "I Am Ready." Aside from "Mayday," it is my favorite piece of music that the Kiners have done for the show. Honestly, this and "Mayday" are my favorite works by them period.

I am overwhelmed with emotions listening to it. There are so many reasons why: the scene, knowing that the BB is over, knowing that the Batch got their happy ending, but most importantly, the meaning.

The triumphant climax of this piece hits me on a really personal level because of everything going on in my life right now. I feel a rush of emotions each time as I think about myself in Omega's position. I know TBB finale wasn't flawless, but its ending, music, and messages were something I honestly really needed in that moment. "I Am Ready" is the epitome of where I'm at in life rn and I love listening to it (even though it makes me cry).

#star wars #the bad batch #tbb omega #the kiners #Youtube

[taelonsamada]

Top Five Favourite Songs

I would just like @pearl-kite to know that I agonized over this for a good half hour 😆 my taste in music changes constantly, so I’m going with songs that still affect me strongest to this day, even if I don’t listen to them on a daily basis

#5: Come and Get Your Love - Redbone

The joy and giddiness I felt when this opened up the first Guardians movie can’t be described. Having found this song in high school as well, I’ve been grooving to it for a while, so to see it used as one of the best opening scenes Marvel has ever done was an immense treat.

#4: The Night - Disturbed

I’ve adored Disturbed since high school, and lots of their songs are in my top twenty list, but I am especially attached to this song in particular. I can’t tell you why, it’s just the one I always go to when I’m in a Disturbed move.

#3: Just Like A Pill - P!nk

P!nk has been my girl since I first found her during my first year of high school. I have yet to hear a song by her I didn’t like, and a lot of them are enough to make me cry like a little girl, but this was the first song of hers I heard, and it’s got a special place in my heart

#2: Better Things To Do - Terri Clark

I grew up listening to Terri, I utterly adore her, and it doesn’t matter where I am or what I’m doing, if at any point you start playing this song, I am going to start singing along. It would take threats of violence to convince me not to sing this song when it plays 🤣 ( I in fact listened to the entire song while making this list)

#1: All I Need - Within Temptation

I went through a Nightwish phase in high school, but abandoned them when I found Within Temptation and haven’t stopped listening to them since. I love a LOT of their songs, but All I Need is what I put on when I need to FEEL something lol it’s sweet and sad and haunting and emotional and I adore it.

This was a hard choice and I sweated and swore and agonized over these decisions 🤣 so obviously I need to put @zozo-01 @dominimoonbeam @thatlesbeanjew @lovelylonerliterature @glassbearclock and @ejunkiet through the same agony 😉 as well as anyone else who wants to!

#music #music taste #my music #top five #tag games

[skitskatdacat63]

Tysm for the tags @monacobasedgirldad @schumigrace @fernandoalonzoo sry im a bit late getting to this lol

Are you named after anyone?

My great great grandmother(I think??), though she was named Katarzyna, and I was born Catherine, but go by Catie obviously(this lowkey annoys my mom lmao, especially bcs if I were to have a nickname, it was supposed to be Cate.)

When was the last time you cried?

Today, over classical music. I think I cry at least once a day 😭 I am very emotional

Do you have kids?

Nope :)

What sports did you play/have you played?

I played soccer when I was a kid. Also does marching band count?

Do you use sarcasm?

All the fucking time, literally constantly. And also we sarcastically bully each other in my family, so I have to pull myself back from accidentally insulting people 😭

What is the first thing you notice about people?

Hmmmm, I feel like ive done this tag game before bcs I remember writing this exact answer. But usually I notice if someone is a good conversationalist or not. Like do they like to lead the convo, do they like to listen to the other people, do they talk too much, too little, are they awkward about it? It's just very interesting to me, bcs I think that kinda thing really does instantly show you if you're going to be compatible with a person(as a friend or more etc.) Cause I talk a lot a lot, and I think it's difficult to get along w people who are untalkative but also people who talk an equal amnt if not more djkfkglg.

What is your eye color?

Just brown!

Scary movies or happy endings?

Scary movies definitely. I mean im not opposed to a happy ending obviously, but that's not really what im always looking for in a movie, I guess? Rn I'm trying to think of my top movies, and man, not a lot of them have happy endings 😭 But I literally just watched two horror movies the past wknd so! Even though they make me paranoid

Any talents?

I think I could go on a rant about anything if you gave me a bit of time. I really think I can just talk endlessly. Is that a skill? Or is it just annoying..? But yeah I'm not sure, but I think I'm pretty good at absorbing information and being able to go on and on about it.

Where were you born?

America rahhh 🦅🦅 I like my state a lot even though I feel like all my peers keep saying "ugh I don't want to be in [insert state] anymore" Smh how dare you

What are your hobbies?

Mostly drawing! I draw both F1 fanart(pretty much all selfmade AUs tho) and ocs. I like writing lore and worldbuilding and meta, but not really writing itself. I like reading fic and watching movies as well. And I think one of the main things I do these days tbh is read about history and keep up with politics. I get more and more involved with it as the days go by, but unlike drawing, I don't really have an outlet for it sigh sigh. So that's why a lot of AUs involve history and random other things, bcs its fun to involve my interests with each other!

Do you have any pets?

Yes I do! Two cats and two dogs. The cats are named Jin and Frank. Jin is basically me in cat form, he's so anxious 😭 and Frank is like my brother, he's such a little bastard who loves to hiss all the time. My dogs are named Maisie and Ruby. Maisie is a menace to society, but she is also the most beautiful dog ever, so I forgive her. Her name makes me laugh bcs she's named after this book character, Maisie Dobbs right? So her name tag says Maisie Doggs

How tall are you?

Around 5'4

Favorite subject at school?

Politics >:) But I'm pretty interested in philosophy as well rn. Unfortunately my love for foreign languages has been slipping in the semester or so, bcs my professors on that side kinda suck. So I've been putting more energy into my other major, and now all I can talk about is history, politics and philosophy, etc etc. It's just a lot of fun and very interesting to me!

Dream job?

Man, sometimes I wish I could just be a student forever, I just want to keep learning all about the world and other things. But I'd like a job that's not too static, something that pushes me out into the world a bit, maybe smth in the government or like a non-profit idk yet!

Ahhhh I'm doing this a bit late so I'm not sure who's done it yet, I feel like mostly everyone has :,) I tag anyone who's interested, like seriously I'd love to see people's answers who I haven't yet!!

#every text post of mine is actually just a cry for help(for someone to let me ramble and rant to them) #I HAVE TOO MANY WORDS #the real reason i often slack on tag games like this is bcs my answers will be too long djfkkgg #also i hate how theres still this latent fear in me doing these that im doxxing myself or smth #i still hesitate giving my full name and all that #scawy!!!! even tho ive def mentioned it i think #catie.rambling.txt

[pjunicornart]

Symptoms of Me (vent post... kinda)

So, my mental health has been kicking my ass as of late. I haven't been feeling the best, and lately I've been beat to shit by my autistic symptoms.

So how did I vent? With Meet the Robinsons, of course. Because I feel so connected to Lewis/Cornelius, I headcanon that he experiences my symptoms as well.

I drew Neil displaying how my symptoms/trauma manifests. They're all just little doodles. I think it's important for people to see from multiple perspectives when it comes to mental health (especially neurodivergency) because everyone's symptoms manifest differently. I've wanted to make a post like this for a while, so... here you go.

This is me. (cw: brief mentions of trauma/abusive relationships)

I space out a lot. Often times I'll get lost in my daydreams, so much so that hours could pass by and I wouldn't have a clue. This happens a lot, actually. It's the reason why I'm only able to get one artwork done a day, because I constantly space out. Another little symptom displayed here is my fidgeting. As I write this post I am bouncing my leg.

Wanna know a physical sign of autism? Toe walking! I do this a lot. I do it because carpets and hardwood floors feel weird to walk on. If I don't have my house shoes or socks on, I'll toe walk everywhere.

Music is how I connect with the world. That's why I get inspired by music so often. Since I can't formulate my words on the topic of my feelings, music is how I do that. Music helps me understand myself by putting complex things I don't understand into simple to sing along to verses.

On the topic of music, it gets stuck in my head. Easily. I can put a song on loop for five hours straight and I would never get bored of it. When I go to bed, the song will play in my head, and I'll get excited because I can listen to it again in the morning. Because songs get stuck in my head so often, I would mumble under my breath the lyrics as a tick. The same could be said for my ticks in general. Small phrases or words will repeat in my head over and over again, and I'll say them aloud. Recently, "he's tired" has been on repeat for me. I don't know why.

Wanna know ANOTHER physical sign of autism? Frequent constipation/irregular and incomplete bowel movements. I am definitely guilty of this. I've been taking fiber gummies, but it's only helped a little bit. I still go over a week without going number two. This might be a bit TMI, but this is one reason why it was super difficult for my parents to potty train me. It would hurt to go, and therefore I wouldn't wanna do it. My parents weren't particularly... nice, about potty training me. I have trauma from it. Speaking of...

Because of trauma, I HATE using toilets. This kind of ties into my age regression as a coping mechanism a bit. For multiple reasons, I wish I had a better childhood. So, I regress to a mental space where I'm a happy kid. If I'm being honest? There are some days where I wish I could just go in a plastic potty and not use the toilet. Because of the trauma from potty training, yes, but also because they're loud. Loud noises suck.

Emotions? I don't understand them. To me, it's just noise. I see no reason for them, and I hate them. But it's only because I don't understand them, and this includes my own emotions. There are times where I'm crying, and I have no idea why I'm crying. I'll tell myself there's no need for me to cry here, and I'd curse myself for being "weak", when I'm just being human. I'd judge others for getting angry, because to me, it's so easy to just suppress everything and look at things logically. I had to teach myself empathy recently, because I didn't get it when I was younger.

I freeze when I'm in conflict. I remember everytime I'd get in trouble with my dad (he was emotionally abusive), I'd just sit there and cry, with the words stuck in my throat. I couldn't get them out, no matter how hard I tried. He'd yell at me and tell me to talk, and it would frustrate him when I wouldn't listen to him, and he'd just tell me off more. He didn't realize I was shutting down due to my autism (which was undiagnosed at the time - and still is because the American healthcare system sucks). It was hell. To this day, if I'm ever in a conflict, the words get stuck in my throat.

In general, my relationship with food is negative. I avoid certain foods like the plague because they trigger my very sensitive gag reflex. Most of the time it's a texture issue. That's why I have my comfort foods. They textures and tastes are perfect! You'll notice that they're mostly warm foods. These foods warm me up in a way I really like; It's a pleasant feeling. Box mac n' cheese is my all time favorite comfort food, too. I like it a specific way: It has to be the Kraft brand with the spiral pasta, and I like it with a little bit of extra milk. It makes it creamier. By the way, I don't know why I drew that burger with cheese, because I actually like my burgers plain. Just burger and bun (same with hot dogs).

I'll be okay. Just going through a rough patch right now. I have a new AU idea for MtR that I'll explain. Eventually.

#vent post #rosey rambles #art #my art #traditional art #doodles #meet the robinsons #cornelius robinson #lewis robinson #sfw agere #age regression #autistic headcanon #autism #autistic #neurodivergent #actually autistic #cw: mentions of trauma #cw: mentions of abuse

[ckret2]

Would Bill like

1. ABBA

2. Grateful dead

3. Mitski

4. Vocaloid (things like Kikou, Echo by Creeper-p, and Again also by Creeper-p

5. Kate Bush

Idk these were things I thought he'd like

For those of y'all just getting here, I'm using this list here as my guidelines for What Music I Believe Bill Cipher Would Like, Loosely Based On Canon.

1. Yeah I think he'd like ABBA (or, y'know, BABBA, as the case may be). He likes party music and that's like, party music of the 70s—though I imagine he lost interest in them as they stopped being contemporary.

But more importantly, it gives me the mental image of Dipper singing Disco Girl and Bill Fucking Cipher joins in like "I LOVE THIS SONG!" He'd be mortified.

Now I'm just thinking of parody song titles for BABBA. "Hand Me! Hand Me! Hand Me! (A Guy Late At Night)." "Mommy Mama." "The Loser Takes Nothing." "Dollars, Dollars, Dollars." "Superb Soldier."

2. Now, I've said I think Bill is all over well-known psychedelic music, so you'd think Grateful Dead would be top of the list; but when I sit and listen to their top hits, it makes me think less In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida or Jefferson Airplane, and more John Denver, so thus far I've passed over them. But digging a bit deeper I'm finding more stuff that gives me Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds vibes, so this is probably just a sign that I need to finally fill in the Grateful Dead-shaped hole in my mental musical library like I've been meaning to do for years. I'm gonna tentatively say "yes" just due to the fact that it's the Grateful Dead, but I haven't listened to them enough to say WHAT he'd enjoy.

3. I will grant that it's very funny to imagine Bill laying on a bed staring at the ceiling while "NOBODY, NOBODY, NOBODY—" blasts at top volume. However I think the main reason it's funny is because it's jarringly incongruous. Most of Mitski's music is dreamy-sounding, deeply introspective, and carried not by simple pop-friendly melodies but by the the complexity & poetry of the lyrics—and I think all of those are things Bill tends to steer away from. "Can you take psychedelics to it in the back of a van with tie-dye tapestries on the wall?" or "Can you rave to it?" covers most of his casual music listening.

(However, I do think he's got an ex girlfriend who did beat poetry that sounds kinda like Mitski lyrics as performed by a screaming death metal band. Someday I'll get around to drawing some of his exes.)

4. I say this as somebody who loves "Again" and "Echo"—I think he'd hate them, & probably most of Kikuo's music. There's a vast breadth of Vocaloid music—it's not really a genre so much as it is an instrument—and while I don't necessarily think he'd outright reject anything made with Vocaloid, I do think he'd steer away from the lyrically darker music. Like I said, I don't think he likes deeply introspective music. This triangle hasn't acknowledged or explored a negative emotion in a bajillion years and he's not about to start now. I mean, come on:

Cause I am on fire; a crying, burning liar; seeing nothing, nothing, but myself; and I'm the one with the lighter!

Is that about Bill? Sure, that's about Bill!!! You could insert it into the middle of the axolotl poem and hardly even notice.

(Making this was a mistake, in my head I started singing "if he wants to shirk the blame, he'll have to invoke my name" to the tune of "Again". Unplanned new headcanon voice for the Axolotl.)

However, "this describes Bill well" doesn't mean "Bill would like this." In fact, I think "this describes Bill well" almost guarantees that Bill would dislike a particular song. The fact that "Again" has such an apt description of him is exactly why he'd despise it. If you try to play this in his hearing, he's blowing up the speaker, burning down the house, turning your head into an ice cream cone and biting it off, and then telling his stunned silent friends that he got tired of this whiny boring music now let's go destroy something fun. Assuming he doesn't simply show no reaction to it at all so that he can avoid showing weakness.

Just about any songs about doubt, remorse, or bad feelings are gonna get the same reaction out of him. He doesn't wanna touch them with a ten foot pole. Music is for partying, music is for escapism. I can see him enjoying a darker song if it's framed in a way that invites the listener to derive voyeuristic schadenfreude from the singer's suffering—but if it's meant to confront you or discomfort you, or if listeners are expected in any way to personally identify with the lyrics, he's not touching it.

I could potentially see him listening to some of Kikuo's music if he can engage it STRICTLY as a party song. For instance, Gomenne Gomenne has sections that make it a solid dubstep song—with frenetic wordless singing on top, I think that'd appeal to Bill—so he might could put it on at a party... as long as the party is loud enough that he doesn't have to pay any attention to the lyrics about horrific child abuse and the resultant trauma. Maybe find a remix that leaves out all the lyrics about low self-esteem, brokenness, and worthlessness—but leave in the bits about rib soup, he thinks that part's funny once the context is removed. Violence is great, he just doesn't wanna be expected to pity someone.

It's a big stretch, though. If I had to pick Vocaloid songs for him, I'd look for either party-ready EDM with relatively bland lyrics or the really experimental pieces that do ear-hurting insane discordant things by pushing the Vocaloid program to the limits of the sounds it can generate; but I probably wouldn't pick Vocaloid for him at all.

5. I don't have anything special to say about Kate Bush, I just don't think anything about her music would intrigue him but there's nothing about it that would specifically deeply rub him the wrong way. Since I assume he's passingly familiar with most notable popular/mainstream artists, I'm sure he's heard her hits, he could probably sarcastically bang out a few bars of "Running Up That Hill" on the piano if he ever somehow found himself in a situation where sarcastic "Running Up That Hill" would be fitting; but the same could be said of any other chart-topping musician.

#anonymous #ask #music #bill cipher

[loveemii]

ミ★ 𝑳𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒔 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝑳 ★彡

★☆𝑳 𝒙 𝑭𝒆𝒎☆★

(listen to TV or i love you by Billie Eillish for best experience)

Warning: It’s a little sad

You were in you’re hotel room, the one L had hidden away from the task force members. It was around 3 am when L walked in, he seemed a little sad. He always gave off a semi depressed vibe. And his aura was dark blue most of the time which meant he was feeling some sort of sadness or grief.

He walked in the room and saw you reading with you’re headphones in, you didn’t hear the door open due to you’re music covering that sound of the door creaking. Suddenly the light in the room shuts off and it made you look up and around the room. At the light switch you’re eyes were fixated on the standing figure against the wall. It was L. You’re boyfriend.

You turned off your headphones and put them and the book down on the bed where you were sitting last. As you walked up to him to greet him he just look at you in the eyes. He was admiring them, even though it was a little dark in the room.

He grabbed you’re hand and walked you to the big window that was in the living room. He open the blinds and look at your face, it revealed some moonlight to appear in line on your face. As the hotel room had blinds and not curtains. He sat down and you followed.

“Everything ok L?”

“The moon looks pretty tonight.”

You knew what that meant. He said I love you. That’s what it means. You felt your heart beat faster and you didn’t have control over your emotions, after a minute of slice you gathers yourself and began to speak once more.

“The moon is pretty tonight.”

“Can you hold me Y/n? I want you to hold me on your arms.”

“Mhm, come here.”

You said as you opens your arms for him to slid through. He rested his head on your shoulder and closed his eyes for a while. You looked through the blinds to watch the moon and the stars pass by. L spoke once again.

“Y/n, recently I have been feeling depressed.”

You’re face frowned at first hearing those words.

“Tell me about it.”

“It’s the case, it’s very difficult and I feel stuck in a circle. I can’t seem to get any lead on Light. It’s like he already covers his tracks.”

You brushed your hand through his soft raven hair. He sighed into your shoulder.

“I have noticed for a while you have been feeling a certain way. Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“I didn’t feel like I could put that weight on you.”

“It’s alright, I’ve got you.”

A single wet tear dropped on you’re shirt. You look over you’re shoulder and saw him burying his face into you’re arm. He hugged you tightly and you rubbed his back. While giving home reassurance that you have him and that it will all be ok soon enough. You gently grab his chin and lift it up to meet your face. You whipped away his tears and kissed his forehead.

“Y/n? Can we lay down?”

“Sure, come on.”

You said as you slowly got up with him. He curled up into the bedsheets and you hugged him from behind. He started to hum with a tired tone in his voice. It was a little shaky as he was crying earlier. You kissed his arm and adjusted your position. The moonlight was still hitting you both was you payed there. For a couple minutes you payed there listening to him hum.

It’s one thing you noted about him, when he feels stressed, sad, uncertain, or lost he hums. You guessed it was his way of calming down. And being with you seems to make it a lot better. He can cry when he is around you, and he can express himself more than he does with anyone else. You took note of these things because it is very important to you that he is alright. Safe, healthy, happy, and alive. You know this Kira investigation is deadly but important to him, so you never tried to stop him from his passions.

Soon enough you both fell asleep in the same position. His cheeks were stained with his previous tears as you were holding him in your arms.

#death note #death note lawliet #dn lawliet #lawliet fanart #lawliet x reader #ryuzaki lawliet #lawliet layouts #lawliet headcanons #lawliet packs #lawliet imagine #lawliet icons #l lawliet

[pandulce135]

The Fivefold Trap (TMNT 2012 Reader Insert)

Note: This is such a wannabe song fic lmao. Straight up, this is an idea I had for my OC Toru for the 2012 version of her (cuz I have a version for 2003 and 2018, too). Like, if I were to write a whole fic, this would be a highlight on Toru's home life and honestly, it wouldn't be seen by the turtles until they go to space because of that holograph room. This idea has been plaguing my brain for months and honestly? It's for the angst. The other versions of her are much more lighthearted. 2012 Toru is just not having a good time.

The songs used in this fic are: Pieces by Sum 41, Perfect by Simple Plan, Spaceship by Art Sorority, A Better Son/Daughter by Rilo Kiley

Word count: 4.2k

Warnings: troubled home life, strained relationship with parents, self deprecation, drug use, mention of thoughts of suicide, child neglect and emotional abuse, psychological abuse and trauma, experiment, not proofread (lmk if I need to add anything!)

~~~~~

You were awake, you knew it, so why couldn’t you see anything? You felt your eyelashes make contact with something- were you wearing a mask? How did you get here? Why were you so achy? You had no recollection of getting here- wherever you were.

The last thing you remember was sitting on the rooftop of your apartment building. There was no one up there, no one around. You were trying to get a breath of fresh air and relax while you strummed on your ukulele. It was after seeing the Hamato sons at their Lair. You strummed chords at random, coming up with a tune in your head. Your hands on the strings were illuminated only by the lights of the city and shining moon above you.

The boys had gotten into an argument when you excused yourself from the Lair. You had told Donnie to text you and reminded him that he’s doing great under all the pressure his brothers and father are placing on him. He had left at the same time you did, explaining that April called him. He had given you a quick ride back to the surface in one of his armored go carts before continuing his drive to his own destination.

You didn’t get the chance to play your ukulele long. You remember feeling a presence behind you and stopped playing, your fingers freezing over the strings abruptly. There wasn’t enough time for you to turn around before a sharp pain hit your head.

That’s what happens when you let your guard down.

You groaned as you sat up, still unable to see what’s around you. The ground was cold and smooth with a glossy finish. This wasn’t a cellar, by any means. There was a smell in the air, however. A cleaning product, Lysol?

To your left, you heard two different voices.

“You’re sure it will work?” A feminine voice. Karai.

“You shouldn’t doubt my skill. I know exactly what I am doing.” An arrogant voice. Male. Baxter Stockman. He usually speaks like this when he’s talking about science, so you’ve seen. What exactly is he…?

“They’re awake too soon. Hit it.”

“Wait-” You tried reaching out, tried saying something to stop them when music began playing from whatever contraption was on your head. You placed your hands on it, hearing a sad guitar begin to play. Your fingertips were met with cold, heavy duty steel that seemed to stay on your head no matter how hard you pried.

Before you, a crying young teen sat just as you recognized the song and the person.

“I tried to be perfect But nothing was worth it I don’t believe that makes me real

I thought it’d be easy But no one believes me I meant all the things that I said

If you believe it’s in my soul I’d say all the words that I know Just to see if it would show That I’m trying to let you know

That I’m better off on my own.”

You looked at the younger version of yourself. Curled up, sobbing with headphones blaring music to try and calm down. You liked listening to this music because it allowed you feel seen and heard- like someone finally understands.

There were a lot of things that led to these thoughts of isolation and beliefs of not being good enough: degrading parents who expected their only child to be a spitting image of them, being average when they demanded perfection, ultimately having such low confidence because of their words.

Worthless.

Even when you did your best, it just wasn’t enough. Maybe you were better off on your own.

You sat there staring at your crying form for three minutes before the image in your head changed and you were now in your kitchen. A new song began to play in your ears and your parents had just gotten home from a long time of being at their out of state lab- almost a month.

Not even five minutes into them being home and they’re yelling at your preteen self. You had forgotten about this. It had probably been pushed to the back of your mind, shoved away so you could continue moving along. You had gotten a few B’s on your last group of tests. They threatened to take away the electronics in the apartment, they wanted to make it so the only thing you would do was study, not even be a kid.

“We raised you to be smart and capable. Not average!” Your father shouted down at you with a vein threatening to burst at his temple. “You’re supposed to be like us: smart, capable, you’re an idiot!”

“Hey, dad, look at me Think back and talk to me Did I grow up according to plan?”

“Spending all your time playing that stupid ukulele, watching those stupid videos on the computer. You need to study. B’s are for average children. You’re supposed to be better than this!”

“And do you think I’m wasting my time Doing things I wanna do But it hurts when you disapprove all along.”

Your mother towered over your quaking form. You were trying to hold it together, trying to remain strong until you can hide away in your room to let it all out.

“We’ve worked hard to keep a roof over your head, to give you the best education we can afford and you do nothing but disappoint us. Go to your room!”

Grades were all that mattered to them. They still are. Even when they tasked you with saving the world.

“Nothing’s gonna change the things that you said And nothing’s gonna make this right again Please don’t turn your back I can’t believe it’s hard just to talk to you But you don’t understand.

‘Cuz we’ve lost it all Nothing lasts forever I’m sorry I can’t be perfect.”

“I did my best,” you had muttered. Your hands were fists at your sides, trying to keep your voice steady. Trying to stay strong for just a few more minutes.

“And it’s just too late And we can’t go back I’m sorry I can’t be-”

“-perfect.” You had said the last line of that song before you turned to go to your room. You had slammed the door shut and locked it before letting your emotions out. You had forgotten all of that.

You stood up to follow your younger self through the memory and into their room. You moved your hand to the doorknob to enter only for it to phase through the door. You let out a small gasp but jumped as a voice came over an intercom.

“Greetings turtles… and Y/N. It’s time for us to play a game.” Karai’s voice came over the intercom. So the boys were here, too! Good, good. At least you’re not alone in this. “Each of you have been placed inside a room with a unique trap. Oh, we all had input. Isn’t that right Xever?”

Xever’s voice was a bit muffled, he obviously was standing further away from the microphone. “I helped design yours personally, Raphael. Everyone loves baked turtle.”

“Raphael, you’re inside the first trap, aptly called the Hot Head. Can you figure a way out?” Karai’s voice was menacing over the intercom. Her attention shifted. “Hello, Leonardo. Welcome to the Courage Slayer. To save your brothers and Y/N, you’ll have to face ninja blades as skilled as your own, which isn’t all that formidable. So I cranked up the speed to 100.”

Your eyes widened but were still only able to take in the darkness inside the metal helmet mask you wore.

“Donatello, are you smart enough to beat the Brain Boggler? Connect he pieces as they appear on the game grid. Make a mistake and you get zapped. Get zapped enough times, and then you’ll truly know what it feels like to be brain fried.”

“Next, we have the Flush-O-Matic. Once the tanks are full, the flush valve will open and dump mutagen all over you poor, little Michelangelo.” There was a moment where you knew Mikey was talking back to your captors, probably something about the name.

“Last, but certainly not least, Y/N. On your head is Memory Activator Helmet. You already know how it works. It’s able to see memories you’ve subconsciously pushed away. With the help of music, you’re able to see those memories right before your eyes. You will always be the least favorite only child in the eyes of your parents.” Karai let out a laugh. “We wanted to see you break before we break you. Good luck, Turtles, and good riddance.”

It was like a Saw movie. Traumas you had already lived through began to bubble up to the surface as another song began to play, just a guitar, and a new scene appeared before your eyes.

You were staring out of your window. It was three in the morning. There was a handwritten note on your desk.

“Get-get, get inside your spaceship You don’t have a car, but you don’t have to take this You’ll jet up out the city like your favorite authors Look up at the stars, look up at the stars

You’re on a fast track living from a backpack Leaving all the sad-sack suckers in the dust behind you This is how you roll, permanent vacation You put in your time, now you’re out of patience.”

Your behavior at school had begun to get worse. You were isolating yourself from your peers, others were beginning to start rumors. In their eyes, you were a weirdo, a product of an experiment gone wrong thanks to your parents. The career of ‘scientist’ mixed in with a social outcast of a child really gave your parents a certain reputation.

“You can really go, no one’s gonna stop you You can really go, no one’s gonna stop you You can really go, but now you’re getting caught up in it Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute!”

You watched as you looked out the window, contemplating, thinking, wondering. Your younger counterpart’s eyebrows were furrowed, obviously deep in thought. Little you glanced at the note they had written minutes prior. Looking into those tear stained, tired eyes, you yourself began crying. It hit you like a truck, this memory. Your chest hurt and you clutched at the shirt that you wore as you stepped back. A hard wall collided with your back and helmet as you watched yourself ask if they’re ready.

“Think about your friends, think about your other friends Thinking ‘bout you when they can, probably wondering what happened to you Can’t return their calls, skipping every breakfast You tried to be a writer but instead you only fact check.”

That’s when you threw yourself at the other you. You where shocked when your arms wrapped around their body rather than go through them, but held on nonetheless. You sobbed into the shoulder of the you from before you met the turtles, and began training with Splinter, and studying with April and Casey even though you went to different schools, sat there.

“It gets better, I promise,” you let out in a hoarse voice, hardly above a whisper. “You have six new friends, you have a sensei, and you have a second home. Don’t give in just yet, please!” You held onto yourself, crying. Eventually, their head was on your shoulder, sobbing. Is this how it happened?

There had been a feeling of warmth that encased you, and then there was a nice voice mixed in with the bad ones, telling you to keep going, telling you to not give up. A fire in you ignited that night that burned bright, angry, and proud.

“Keep going and do not falter.”

You didn’t even notice the song fade out, you only heard your sobbing.

Karai had watched the whole thing from the observation deck screens where she could see the others as well. This was a little experiment that Karai had Stockman doing, and it also incorporated a type of torture, less physical, more psychological. She laughed, watching you stand frozen before backing up, clutching your chest. But then you did something that made her confused. You leapt out with your arms out.

“What are they doing?” Karai asked the scientist that stood to her side. Stockman looked from you to Karai to the screen that showed them what you were seeing. Upon seeing, his eyes widened and he began to stammer.

“This wasn’t anticipated! It’s very interesting.” Stockman pulled on the monitor to show Karai the screen. “They appear to be hugging the version of them from their memory.”

“Interesting.” Karai stared at the screen, holding her chin in thought. “Stockman, can you ruin a memory?”

He stammered. “What do you mean?”

“The memory they’re in, can you make it worse?” Karai clarified, still eyeing your form on the monitor as you began to calm down from your crying. She rolled her eyes at the sight. “So emotional…”

“From what I have currently, I cannot.” He answered, straightforward and simple. “But,” he pressed a button on the console he stood before, prompting another song to play and a new memory to appear in your head, “we can make them remember the worst of the worst.”

The version of you that you were hugging fazed out and you fell forward. Your hands made contact with the cold floor to keep you from face planting. You felt your gut begin to twist and swirl, a newfound nervousness taking hold. The sights and scenes began anew.

You stood over yourself laying in bed it was the morning after a particularly terrible fight you had with your parents. This one was the most recent memory, only taking place a few months ago. You hardly got any sleep and the bags under your eyes showed for it. In your hand was a small device resembling a USB drive. It wasn’t for memory storage, though.

You remember how your world seemed to spin that day and you just laid in bed, avoiding your parents. You didn’t have to wait long though, they were out of town for the next month in their lab the following day.

“Sometimes, in the morning I am petrified and can’t move Awake but cannot open my eyes

And the weight is crushing down on my lungs I know I can’t breathe I hope someone will save me this time.”

You watched as the version of you in bed lifted the small device to their lips and breathed in a heavy breath. You sat there for a moment, letting the chemicals mix with your insides before breathing out, a cloud of smoke escaping through your lips.

You weren’t addicted by any means, no. It was just an opportunity to stay loose, so you took it and ran. It was an effort to remain calm in a stormy apartment.

At this point, you had known the turtles for a bit, but they didn’t know about your home life and you still won’t plan on telling them. However, you’re sure Master Splinter had realized something was amiss. The way you held yourself and avoided much conversation of your parents probably helped him piece that one together.

You let out a gasp when the scene changed but the song stayed the same. They’re really aiming for torture, aren’t they?

“Then you hang up the phone and feel badly for upsetting things Crawl back into bed to dream of a time When your heart was open wide, and you love things just because Like the sick and the dying.”

You were looking at a child version of you, probably five, so happy, so smiley. Your parents loved you then and you had felt that warmth until you reached middle school.

You missed the way they looked at you like you were the light of their lives, like you belonged with them. Your existence made them proud to call you theirs.

It all changed when they began taking longer leaves to their lab. They cracked down on you, made you feel worse and worse about being average.

“And sometimes, when you’re on, you’re really fucking on And your friends, they sing along and they love you.”

You thought back to the four turtles, April, Casey, Master Splinter. They gave you love your parents never did. They are proud of you. They don’t see you as merely average, but an outstanding fighter with a brilliant mind.

There was an ache beginning to form in your skull. Your head was hurting. All of these memories being pulled out, sobbing for so long, thinking of your past and present life. The scene changed to another more recent memory.

“But the lows are so extreme, that the good seems so fucking cheap And it teases you for weeks in its absence.”

You hadn’t gone to visit the turtles in a few days, you didn’t even text them. You were losing your mind trying to study for an intense exam coming up. Notes were littered on the kitchen table and your laptop played notes videos that taught you nothing. The fear of failure continued to push you, though, even if that meant ghosting the turtles for a few days.

But they came to check up on you.

“But you’ll fight, you’ll make it through You’ll be better and you’ll be smarter and more grown up And a better daughter or son And a real good friend.”

The four climbed in through your window and you calmed down. Donnie recognized the work and walked you through it, Leo made you some tea and listened to your ranting, Mikey allowed for a few minutes of mindless distraction, and Raph encouraged you to release some stress through some playful sparing on the roof.

Oh, how you appreciated them.

You put your foot down that day. You vowed to yourself that you’ll be by their side no matter what, facing who knows what challenges. You may have your own ups and downs, but these were friends you were not willing to give up so easily, not like you had allowed with your peers in the past.

You may be below average in the eyes of your parents, but you have a new family. A better family. The turtles, Master Splinter, April, and Casey.

“And your ship may be coming in You’re weak, but not giving in And you’ll fight it, you go out fighting all of them.”

You heard a click. Maybe you were going crazy? Then a hissing. Then a voice came over the intercom.

“Stop fighting it, Y/N. It’ll be a lot easier for all of us if you just let it happen,” Stockman’s voice rang through your ears. What was he talking about? It was then that you noticed that the memory before you was glitching and there was no music playing. “Whatever you’re doing, stop it.”

You moved without thinking, standing up straight and squaring your shoulders. With trembling fingers, you moved your hands up to the metal contraption that was holding you hostage with your own memories and traumas.

“What are you doing? Stop it!” Stockman shouted over the intercom. This would ruin his ‘research,’ effectively destroying his work on this matter.

“You really had me in the first half, not gonna lie.” You pulled the helmet off of your head and blinked as light flooded into your vision. You turned to face a camera in the corner of the room. “But you underestimate me. I’m strong, Stockman. I survive.” With that, you smashed the helmet against a nearby wall with as much force as you could muster up. Upon impact, it shattered onto the floor. The mechanical bits were now loose and visible, but you continued to stomp on it, making sure it still wasn’t usable.

“No! No my work,” Stockman cried out, mourning the loss of his invention that left you way more messed up than you already were.

But yet now there was a sense of strength and belonging. You were where you needed to be.

You looked around the room you were in, trying to find a way out, and then you spotted a door hidden in the corner on the other side of the room. You took off in a sprint and were able to make it out of the room and were surprised when you found yourself in a sewer. You were less surprised to hear fighting down one end. You followed the sound.

“Surrender, my daughter,” Splinter’s voice echoed through the tunnel you were running through. “You are defeated. My sons and Y/N are free.” His voice made you pick up your pace and soon enough, you were watching him face off with a giant white mutated snake- Karai.

Splinter’s words seemed to anger Karai and she let out a growl. “I’ll never surrender to you!” She shouted, her voice echoing off of the dark walls that surrounded them. She charged at him. “Never!”

It was easy enough for Splinter to overpower his daughter and throw her to the ground, but you knew that mentally, it was a difficult task for him.

“Miwa.” Splinter tried to reason with her, only to earn a hiss before she jumped off of the platform in the middle of the opening and into the water below.

That water was the only thing keeping you away from Splinter and April, who were both still on the platform. You looked around, trying to find a way to cross to the platform as Splinter began chanting. It was easy to recognize that he was trying to call upon the ancient scrolls, but you couldn’t tell which one. When Karai reappeared behind him, he was able to dodge her attack and planted his own.

“I love you, Miwa.”

It was easy to remember your place in all of this now. You were a sidekick, helping the turtles until all of this was over. You were never a part of their family, they already had one. A stray tear fell down your cheek and landed on the rusty metal tunnel.

You let yourself watch as Karai fell into the water, you were too far to help her. April had to hold Splinter back as he tried to lunge over the the side for his daughter.

That’s when you all heard Tigerclaw’s voice from above. “Your victory has come at a price, Yoshi-san.” In his hands was a rifle that he pointed at Splinter. You all heard it begin to power up and you could have kicked yourself for not looking for any weapons before making your way over here.

However, a sword sliced at his gun, sending it flying towards the floor. Everyone’s gaze followed where the sword came from only to see the turtles jumping down from the ceiling.

“Sensei!”

“April!”

Once they had landed, Tigerclaw flew away, an evil laugh echoing off the walls of the tunnel he flew into.

”Where’s Y/N?” Leo asked, looking around the expanse of the area. That’s when you called out.

“Over here!” It didn’t escape you how your voice pitched up in the middle of your call and took a deep breath. You eyed your surroundings and pinpointed a few pipes you could use to make your way over to them.

When you landed, Splinter spoke up. “I trust that you are all unharmed.”

Physically? Yes. Mentally? Psychologically? You turned away from the group so they wouldn’t see the tears threatening to escape once more.

“Sensei?”

“What happened?”

Donnie and Leo both asked.

Splinter moved to steady himself, using the edge of the console to assist him. “She forced me into combat, but the Healing Hands I used on her were meant to help her, not harm her.” You felt the air in the room grow thicker. “I fear that we will never see Miwa again.”

Leo moved to stand behind Splinter. “Never give up hope.” He placed his large three fingered hand onto his father’s shoulder. “That was the greatest lesson you taught me as a kid, Sensei.” That prompted Splinter to turn around and look at everyone before him.

You couldn’t bring yourself to look back. The strain of having your memories pulled out of the darkest shadows of your mind to shine at the forefront still weighed you down.

Splinter stood up, placing an arm around Leo’s shoulder. “Come, let us go home.”

#tmnt #writing #fanfic #teenage mutant ninja turtles #fanfiction #2012 tmnt #2012 teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt 2012 #x reader #reader insert #gender neutral reader #angst #not a great happy ending #song fic #tmnt leo #tmnt donnie #tmnt mikey #tmnt raph #tmnt april #tmnt splinter #tmnt karai #tmnt baxter stockman

[bottlecapsandotherthings]

Continuing the tag game from @torchickentacos!

Were you named after anyone?

No comment. We do not speak of my birth name. It disgusts me. Moving on.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Literally this morning. I made kind of a heavy, emotional post. I cried at the end of writing it. I cry a lot, and I do not really know why I do that.

3. Do you have kids?

No. But, if my future partner does want them, and decides that we will adopt kids, I would love to. It is really not a choice that I want to make. I do not have a preference, but I do enjoy interacting with kids, especially within the 7-12 age range.

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

I did volleyball over the summer. It was indoors. I think that it was okay. I learned a little more.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Yes, whenever I am feeling silly. I can get very sarcastic then. I will go on some type of overly-dramatic rant like I am in a vine or something. I think that it is fun because sarcasm makes me laugh.

6. What is the first thing you notice about people?

How they look, and I can learn faces very fast. And then, I notice how they treat me. If they are mean, I stay away. If they are nice, then I do not mind being around them too much.

7. What's your eye color?

Blueish-greenish-grayish hazel. Yeah, my eye color is a little weird. I got it from my uncle, I think. It is pretty neat, though.

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Hehe. How about scary movies WITH happy endings? Also other movies with happy endings. I only really like to watch movies that have something to do with my special interests, though.

9. Any talents?

I can write pretty well, and I am also getting better at drawing. I am not too bad at ice/roller skating. I can sing okay, but I am also very shy about that. I got a black belt in Karate, so I suppose that I am pretty good at that as well.

10. Where were you born?

:O! The same place as you, @torchickentacos! In the.

11. What are your hobbies?

Anything to do with Pokemon. I also love anime, manga, and listening to music. I love to draw during class and in my free time. I also love to watch YouTube, especially FNAF theories.

12. Do you have any pets?

Yes, several cats. Also a bnnuy. And my sister's dog. And a fish named Aristotle.

13. How tall are you?

Short and full of hidden rage. 5'0 exactly. 5'3 if I am wearing my lifts. I am very smol, yet also very strong (trying to be), and hoping to excell at martial arts one day.

14. Favorite subject in school?

Psychology. I love learning about human psychology. I am taking four psychology classes this semester. Definitely the best subject, in my opinion.

15. Dream job?

I want to live in Japan, and maybe do voice acting for anime. But my main dream is to be a therapist. I want to open up my own place in Japan and be an English-speaking therapist for other people who also have moved to Japan. I also might want to be a martial arts instructor at some point.

Tagging! @escaramelo, @rp-rs, @th3p0rtalmaker, & @larz-barz!

Reveal your secrets to me! :3

#tag game #long post #anyone else who wants to join in can! #this one is fun....