#which was very gratifying because they have been making me fucking sad as shit over Yeska and how he's been fucking alone and grieving

[madammayh3m]

Sunshine

268 words. A pre-canon ficlet about Thais because I have been having feelings about her and her cowboy. There’s no real spoilers for the Curse of Strahd module in here, just some little tidbits about the setting at most.

If she thinks back on it, Thais can probably count on one hand the number of times she’s seen sunshine. Actual, honest-to-gods sunshine. The sun doesn’t shine in Barovia, that’s simply the way it is. And so she doesn’t entirely understand what Yeska is missing when he talks about sunshine; it’s something beyond her comprehension.

When the light comes in, it’s too often snuffed out. She has learned to clutch at any fleeting happiness with both hands in a white knuckled grip, clawing and biting and fighting to keep it. And, all too often, even that isn’t enough. She’s not yet old enough to have worn down to apathy.

So yeah, she doesn’t really get the fascination. And she doesn’t like it when he gets sad, and when he talks about times before coming to Barovia, he gets sad. But she likes listening to him talk, and if that’s what he wants to talk about, she’ll listen nonetheless.

Everyone she has ever known has warned her away from him. She knows why – they won’t stop telling her about it, after all. He’s an outsider, and outsiders might as well have targets hand-painted on their backs by Zarovich himself. She knows, she just doesn’t care. Yeska is her friend. Anything that wants to get to him has to go through her first, including that demon.

And so she finds herself looking up sometimes. Checking that the constant cloud cover is still, in fact, there. Not that she expects it to ever be gone. But just because she wants to make sure she’s not missing the sunshine that peeks through.

#my writing #things are getting dicey #glorious goth girl adventures #curse of strahd #ocs #Thais Vennoa #to be clear: the Yeska that is in the original module and this Yeska are not the same #Yeska originally is a child and doesn't have a super major part to play as far as I'm aware #(no spoilers if I'm wrong I'm one of the players not the dm and would prefer to go into this as blind as possible thanks) #GGGA Yeska is Thais' best friend since childhood and they're both almost 40 #(also they are stupid in love with each other and wanted to get married but couldn't for stupid reasons and also now she's dead but not) #the review from my DM was (and I quote) 'I am going to vomit. This is so sad' #which was very gratifying because they have been making me fucking sad as shit over Yeska and how he's been fucking alone and grieving #FOR EIGHT MONTHS #SO NOW SHE GETS TO BE SAD ABOUT THAIS #TURNABOUT IS FAIR PLAY

[sapphicgarlic]

hi guyss

its been ages since I have been on here and I kinda miss it a lot, I am way more active on twitter under lioncunt but that's not what I logged in to say

its been a crazy (good and bad) months and I wanted to share a little bit

most importantly, I got off my medication which is crazy good. I have been on them for more than 5 years and I have very young so that's a lot. I started them when I was 14/15 and had been needing them since I was like 12 so getting off them is a huge thing for me. I am very truly happy about it because I truly didn't think about a time where I wouldn't need them. I thought it was going to be permanent especially since I am still living with my mom. its been crazy to see how depressed I was all my life, how sad I was. I haven't been taking my meds for like a year but that was me saying "I dont think I need them anymore" but to have a medical professional say "yeah you good" was crazy. bonkers. its so weird and so gratifying but that the same time I don´t want to come on here like everything is fine.

one of the thing that has made my months crazy is accepting I was abused. accepting that I am still abused. and have been, since birth. its really fucked up because now I truly see how little I was (and my brother too) and how much shit I was put through. that I am still put through. because that's the word. abuse. I always knew things were different but never ever considered it abuse. its a big word especially when its accompanied by child. I was a kid. still am in a lot of ways.

one of to good stuff is that me and my brother are thick as thieves which is something I never saw it happening. I just to be so angry at him. call him hideous names and now, he's the only person who actually supports me at my house. every weekend we go out and do a little brotherly outing, small as eating pizza or going to the farmers market. and its so nice. never thought that would make me as happy as its making me.

idk if I ever updated y'all but me and my ex broke up for good couple of months back. I don´t actively miss her but I have been thinking more theses lasts two weeks (I am over analyzing shit but in the normal sphere of things) about her unfortunately because she's in my class so I have to see her everyday but I low-key love hating her. its so nice. its such a normal thing and I love messing shit up. like I am sorry for her for being a child sometimes but I deserve to act like it ( it has been a while since I have bugged her, I actually only bugged her truly once and I learned my lesson!!!! I thought that bugging her was going to help to make me not hate her but it just added fuel to the fire so I leave her alone and I was having a hard week but yeah its so nice to hate her and call her names in my head. is it healthy? no but there's worse things in my life. the funniest thing that has happen is that I had a presentation on bipolar and she thought I was calling her bipolar through the presentation because my friends came to talk to me bc she was making faces all the time I was speaking so that was fun. in her defense, I used to say she had very bipolar behavior ( I actually forgot about it and only linked the dots after my friend talked to me and was like "she thinks you are talking about her") so yeah sdhfjhsdjfshdjfhsdjfhjsdsdjfhdjfsdhj do I really think she has bipolar? no. does she has a lot of bipolar behavior? definitely but you know, who's to say? I had to hold myself back a lot because I had to urge to send a text in the group we have saying "some people told me there wasn't a lot of happy faces while I was presenting, if anyone has a problem you could have talked to me and presented in my place" but as I said, I learned my lesson and I am staying quiet HUHUAHAUHAUAHUA

about jiji, my dearest, idk yet, going to the doctor again for the first time after the diagnosis and going to run more tests. wish me luck and will update yall again afterwards.

about my mom and her zumbi state, there's a light in the darkness because (dont ask me why or how) we have money to travel and see my family in Portugal next year. its going to make it or break her for good. I truly dont know what I want more. she's not living until I am thirty and I actually dont want it. if it didn't mean I would have more responsibilities, I would want her dead now, for her own good too (I am serious)

#mental heath issues #mental health

[bloody-bee-tea]

Not just a vacation

peachy2peachy commissioned me for some merman Jiang Cheng and a totally overworked Lan Xichen, who is being forced on vacation and then falls in love. Thank you for your support and I hope you enjoy it <3

Lan Xichen is restless. He has never been away from his company for this long and just as he’s thinking it he realizes exactly what his uncle and Lan Wangji meant.

It’s been 19 hours. 

If he’s being honest Lan Xichen can’t even be called a workaholic at this point anymore, because there isn’t anything for him outside of the company and his work.

Lan Xichen isn’t even sure when he last slept in his own bed or when he enjoyed a quiet morning at home. His life is all about work. His office is more like a living-room at this point.

Lan Xichen reaches for his phone almost on instinct—surely a quick look into his mails can’t hurt anyone—but he stops himself right before his fingers can make contact.

He’s on vacation, Lan Qiren was very adamant about that. If Lan Xichen checks his mails then Lan Qiren will know—he always knows—and he will be disappointed. Lan Wangji will make his sad face and even though Lan Xichen can’t see it from where he is in the middle of the ocean, he simply knows it.

Better not to risk it.

Lan Xichen suppresses a sigh and sits back down on the bed. A glance out of the window shows him a blue ocean and an even bluer sky and he knows he should get out there and enjoy it. He did some research on Aitutaki of course, and while he has to admit that it’s objectively beautiful it’s also really remote and Lan Xichen already itches with the separation from his company.

Maybe his workload really is unhealthy, Lan Xichen muses, and then lets out a sigh before he gets back up again.

Time to see what this island has to offer.

It’s just as beautiful as it looked in the pictures he found online, and Lan Xichen has to admit that the quiet and serenity is already getting to him.

He finds a nice spot at the beach to lay down his towel and his head barely hit the sand before he’s drifting off to the gentle sounds of the water.

When Lan Xichen wakes up, it’s already dark. He sits up, slightly disoriented and definitely hungry, to look around and while the beach and the sea were already beautiful during the day, Lan Xichen finds it almost more beautiful now that there are only the stars to illuminate it.

He gets startled out of his thoughts when there’s a small splash and then a person seems to emerge out of the water.

Lan Xichen stays still and watches the shape for a few moments, expecting the person to leave the water at one point but when nothing happens, Lan Xichen gets worried.

“Hello?” he carefully calls out. “Do you need help?”

He seems to have startled the person because he can hear a “Fuck” before the head disappears again.

“Oh,” Lan Xichen whispers and walks closer to the water. 

Maybe the person went under when he startled them? Lan Xichen is about ready to throw himself into the water as well—how difficult can it be to find that person again—when the head re-emerges.

“Are you alright?” Lan Xichen asks, voice just barely loud enough to carry over the water, and when he’s met with silence, he worries.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asks again, already marching up to the water to save whoever is out there, but before he can, the person speaks up again.

“Do not get closer!” 

The words stop Lan Xichen dead in his tracks and he frowns.

“Are you alright?” he repeats and is relieved when the man seems to come closer.

“I am,” he reassures Lan Xichen and then there’s the strange splashing noise again, as if something bigger and more adapt to the water was with the man out there.

“Are you really? That noise—,” Lan Xichen trails off and the man lets out a sharp laugh.

“I really am. Don’t concern yourself with me.”

Unlikely, Lan Xichen thinks and walks closer again. He’s gratified to find that the man doesn’t move further away.

“That’s hardly possible when you take a night swim and startle the hell out of me,” Lan Xichen calls back and wonders if the prolonged distance from his company is making him rude already.

The strange man doesn’t seem to think so because he snorts out a laugh.

“Get back, stranger,” he calls out and Lan Xichen is about to tell him his name when the man suddenly disappears.

Lan Xichen waits a little bit longer just to see if he might show up again, but when it becomes clear that that won’t happen, he goes back to the hotel, where he is met by a frantically gesturing owner of the hotel.

“Sir, where have you been?” he’s asked immediately and Lan Xichen frowns before he points back.

“I fell asleep at the beach,” he gives back, much to the horror of the owner apparently.

“We don’t go to the beach at night! Strange things have happened, it’s not safe for you to be there,” Lan Xichen is told and Lan Xichen would agree with the strange things at once.

He doesn’t see how the man in the water poses a danger, but Lan Xichen is probably missing something.

“What happened?” he wants to know but the owner shakes his head.

“Not good for you to know, just stay away,” he advises him and then rather forcefully shoos him back into the hotel.

Lan Xichen doesn’t sleep much that night.

The next night Lan Xichen goes back to the beach. He keeps out of sight at first, hoping to catch the man unawares first, his mind still reeling from the research he did during the day. 

It’s probably not what Lan Qiren and Lan Wangji wanted for him when they sent him on this vacation, but Lan Xichen needs to know what’s going on here. The only thing his research turned up were tales of mermaid  and Lan Xichen is not ready to believe that.

Until he catches sight of a rather huge tail, flapping out of the water.

The sight of it startles a gasp out of Lan Xichen, apparently loud enough to be heard over the water, because he hears the same muttered “Fuck” carried back to him.

“It’s you again,” Lan Xichen calls out and he’s met with a silence that drags on for so long that he starts to fear the other man might have left.

“What the fuck do you want? Do you not know you’re not supposed to be here?” the man suddenly says, and Lan Xichen sees him swimming closer.

“I have heard,” Lan Xichen gives back and the man laughs.

“You just don’t care, huh?” 

Usually Lan Xichen would care very much about that; he is not one to break the rules and staying away from the beach at night seems to be a rather unspoken rule. But this is just too curious to let it rest.

“Would you believe me if I said I was worried about you?” he tries, taking some careful steps closer to the shoreline.

“Nope,” the man says and Lan Xichen smiles.

“Would you believe me if I said my family forced me on this vacation and I am already bored out of my mind?”

“Maybe,” the man answers and comes closer as well.

“My name is Lan Xichen,” Lan Xichen introduces himself and he’s pretty sure he catches a mischievous twinkle in the man’s eyes, barely visible in the dark.

“Good for you,” the man says and promptly ducks back under the water.

“Hey,” Lan Xichen calls out, stumbling forwards until his feet are fully submerged in the water and he only stops when the hem of his shorts starts to get wet.

Nothing happens, but Lan Xichen doesn’t move back, too intrigued to simply leave again, and his persistence is rewarded when the head pops back up.

Lan Xichen distantly notes that the head was too long under water for a normal human, but he tries not to dwell on it. How ridiculous that would be.

“You’re really annoying, you know that?” the guy grumbles and Lan Xichen gives him his best smile.

“I wouldn’t be, if you told me your name,” he sweetly says and watches how the head almost disappears into the waves again.

“Jiang Cheng,” Lan Xichen suddenly catches and his smile turns brighter.

“It’s nice to meet you, Jiang Cheng,” he says and going by the cold shower that runs down his back, Jiang Cheng is glaring at him.

“What do you want?” Jiang Cheng demands to know and Lan Xichen shrugs.

“I want to know why you’re in the water at this time of night,” Lan Xichen tells him and is met with a wicked smile, white teeth reflecting the moonlight and Lan Xichen is pretty sure he can see a fang.

“Why don’t you come closer and you can find out,” Jiang Cheng tempts him and Lan Xichen can hear his uncle’s voice, telling him just how monumentally stupid he is being, but his legs carry him forward nonetheless and it isn’t until he’s right in front of Jiang Cheng that he stops.

“What if I eat you now?” Jiang Cheng asks, but Lan Xichen is too mesmerized by the fins Jiang Cheng seems to have instead of ears.

“Holy shit,” Lan Xichen breathes out and immediately cringes at the curse word.

His uncle would be so disappointed.

“What, never seen a merman before?” Jiang Cheng boldly asks and flicks his tail—his tail—to splash some water at Lan Xichen.

“Can’t say that I have,” Lan Xichen weakly says, roaming his eyes over Jiang Cheng’s body.

It’s too dark to make out the colour of his tail, but it’s long and strong, shimmering even in the dark. Lan Xichen can’t see at which point tail meets torso, but Jiang Cheng’s chest seems entirely human, apart from the gills on his neck and the webs between his fingers. The fins on his head and his strangely shaped eyes mark him as definitely other than human but Lan Xichen only finds him beautiful.

“You really are a strange one,” Jiang Cheng remarks, and he leans close as if he’s inspecting Lan Xichen in turn, before he throws himself back and disappears into the water.

~*~*~

Lan Xichen spends his entire day at the beach, hoping to catch a glimpse of Jiang Cheng. It would make sense for him to only show up at night, but still Lan Xichen is holding out hope. 

And he’s being rewarded when he catches a purple glint on a strong tail, moving quickly away from the open beach. Lan Xichen follows Jiang Cheng into a small lagoon far away from other people.

“If you’re this trusting someone is gonna eat you eventually,” Jiang Cheng grumbles, but he seems pleased that Lan Xichen was looking for him.

Now that Lan Xichen sees him in daylight he realizes that Jiang Cheng’s tail is of the most wonderful purple, rich and deep, and Lan Xichen itches to brush his hands over it, but he keeps that urge in check.

“Many have tried,” Lan Xichen says with his best CEO smile, “and no one succeeded yet.”

“Ah, I see,” Jiang Cheng whispers and swims closer. “A shark on land. Maybe I should be careful that you don’t eat me.”

Lan Xichen’s mind takes dangerous turns at that, and he can feel his ears flush at how low Jiang Cheng’s voice dropped.

Jiang Cheng laughs at his reaction and Lan Xichen is mesmerized by that sound. 

“You’re staring,” Jiang Cheng accuses him when he notices and Lan Xichen doesn’t even care.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispers and now it’s Jiang Cheng’s turn to blush.

“Shut up,” Jiang Cheng grumbles out and Lan Xichen smiles wickedly at him.

“Make me,” he dares him and Jiang Cheng stares for a long time at him.

Lan Xichen wasn’t expecting to get hit by a wave of water, but it’s a very effective way to shut him up.

~*~*~

After that Lan Xichen and Jiang Cheng meet daily in their small lagoon.

Lan Xichen isn’t sure what his uncle would say to that, but he’s not even thinking about his company or the work, so even though Lan Xichen is sure this wasn’t what Lan Qiren had in mind for him when he sent him on holiday, he should be pleased by this development.

Lan Xichen and Jiang Cheng have shared a lot of details about their lives in the past seven days they have been meeting and by now Lan Xichen knows that he is in love.

With a merman.

Lan Xichen would laugh at the mere notion of this ever happening, but Jiang Cheng is very real, splashing around in their little lagoon and telling Lan Xichen about the hunts he has been on, and he is very lovable.

Lan Xichen isn’t sure if he ever even stood a chance.

He knows that their time together is running out; he is on vacation for two weeks and not a day longer after all.

But those are thought Lan Xichen likes to push far, far away.

He’d much rather think about Jiang Cheng.

“You really are beautiful,” Lan Xichen can’t help but say again as he watches Jiang Cheng float on the water, basking in the sun.

“And I already told you to shut up,” Jiang Cheng shoots back without opening his eyes but this time Lan Xichen won’t have it.

He slowly swims closer, sure that Jiang Cheng is tracking his every movement even with his eyes closed, and it’s not long before Lan Xichen reaches him.

Jiang Cheng never explicitly allowed him to touch the tail or any other part of Jiang Cheng, but they have brushed against each other occasionally, and Jiang Cheng never pulled away. Lan Xichen thinks it’s enough for him to take a chance.

“But you are,” Lan Xichen whispers and slowly reaches out to smooth his hand over the powerful tail.

The scales are mesmerizing and hard, and Lan Xichen could spend his days mapping out every part of them.

When Lan Xichen looks back at Jiang Cheng, he finds that the other is already looking at him.

“I’m not human,” Jiang Cheng says, flicking his tail as if to remind Lan Xichen of it, and Lan Xichen smiles at him.

“No, you’re not,” he agrees. “You are beautiful,” Lan Xichen says again and boldly moves his hand higher, over the line where scales meet skin and then further up Jiang Cheng’s chest, and then higher up still, skipping over the gills until he can cup Jiang Cheng’s cheek in his hand.

“What are you doing?” Jiang Cheng whispers and Lan Xichen guides him closer.

“I’m going to kiss you,” he mutters, briefly waiting for Jiang Cheng to move away from him, but when that doesn’t happen Lan Xichen closes the last bit of distance between them.

Jiang Cheng tastes like the sea and Lan Xichen knows he could get lost in it.

And maybe he will for the next seven days.

~*~*~

“I love you,” Lan Xichen tells Jiang Cheng four days later, sure of that by now, and even though it hurts he was prepared for the bitter laugh Jiang Cheng lets out.

“Don’t be stupid, Xichen,” Jiang Cheng says and pushes himself back into the water, leaving Lan Xichen’s side cold and bereft.

“I do. I love you.”

“Gods, Xichen, you’re on holiday here. This is my home. Where do you see this going?” Jiang Cheng demands to know and Lan Xichen has thought about that, turned around in bed all night, just thinking about that, and by now he’s sure he has the answer.

“I see this going everywhere,” he resolutely says and then reaches for the bag he brought. “I see you in my future, and I will not accept anything else.”

“You’re flying back in three days. There is no future for us,” Jiang Cheng argues and Lan Xichen is gratified to see that the thought seems to pain Jiang Cheng as much as it does him.

“There will be,” Lan Xichen decidedly says and then takes his phone out of his bag. “And I will prove it to you.”

He dials his uncles number, not even caring about the time difference, but it still takes barely three rings before his uncle picks up.

“Xichen, you’re on vacation, so this better not be about work,” Lan Qiren greets him and Lan Xichen smiles, his eyes never leaving Jiang Cheng.

“It is, kind of. I’d like to set up a remote work place. Here, on this island. Because I don’t think I’ll be coming back any time soon.”

There’s a very concerning silence on the other end of the line and then Lan Qiren explodes.

“Lan Xichen! What do you even think you’re doing! This is a vacation and not a way for you to get out of work indefinitely!”

“I know that, that’s why I want to work from here. Uncle, I met someone and I am not going to leave him.”

Lan Xichen can hear Lan Qiren take a few deep breaths before he presses out: “We’ll talk about this at a more reasonable hour for me.”

Before Lan Xichen can object to that Lan Qiren has already hung up on him, and Lan Xichen is left to stare at his phone, before he shrugs and puts it back into his bag.

When he turns back to Jiang Cheng, he finds that he is already staring at him.

“You would really do that?” Jiang Cheng asks. “Work from here? Just for me?”

“I love you. Of course I would. You can’t leave here, so I will come to you.”

“You’re an idiot,” Jiang Cheng decides as he swims closer and pulls Lan Xichen into a kiss. “But I do love you. And I’m coming with you.”

Lan Xichen needs a few moments to understand those words, and then he simply blinks at Jiang Cheng.

“You’re coming what now?” he dumbly mutters and Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes in that beautiful way he has, before he emerges from the lagoon.

On a pair of human legs.

“You really think if we didn’t adapt we’d still be around?” Jiang Cheng asks as he walks Lan Xichen back to the beach and Lan Xichen is more than willing to be led anywhere by Jiang Cheng.

“You can change your forms,” Lan Xichen mutters and his heart does a little flip when Jiang Cheng grins at him.

He does have the most beautiful smile.

“I can change forms. I demand ten weeks a year back here and you’ll have to meet my family.”

“Deal,” Lan Xichen says without hesitation, because he would give Jiang Cheng everything he has if he would ask for it.

“And you cannot change your mind about me,” Jiang Cheng adds, much more quiet this time and Lan Xichen pulls him into his arms.

“Never,” he promises. “I’m a true romantic at heart. There will only ever be you,” he whispers into Jiang Cheng’s now very human ears, and he knows it’s the truth. He can feel it deep in his bones that Jiang Cheng is it for him.

“Good,” Jiang Cheng mutters as he clutches at Lan Xichen’s shirt. “I’m sorry, I kept this a secret, I had to be sure first.”

Sure of Lan Xichen’s feelings and his devotion, Lan Xichen guesses, and he isn’t even mad about it.

“I understand,” he says and then tilts Jiang Cheng’s head back to kiss him.

Jiang Cheng meets him readily and that is the last they speak for a while. There are other things for them to do right now.

Now with a sequel!

{Buy me a kofi}  

#bt writes #commission #the untamed #mdzs #xicheng #merman!jc #falling in love #fluff #love confessions #first kiss #vacation

[intoxicatingimmediacy]

Daveed Diggs on Keeping It Weird: ‘I Can't Become Somebody Else — I'm Just Not Very Good at That’

[...] "It's an odd thing to navigate," he says now, acknowledging that popular culture has never been particularly good at embracing nuance in its celebrity narratives. "It becomes, 'Oh, he grew up poor and overcame that,' like 'That's a thing we can latch on to,' or he's Black or he's mixed or he's any of these things that were historically disenfranchised, and there's always a before and an after. Like a 'Hamilton happened and all of these things were fixed,' and the issue with that is it assumes that there was a problem before, and I'm not sure there was."

The real Diggs will tell you he grew up "poor and happy," shuttling between the homes of his white, social worker mother and Black, bus driver father, never wanting for a thing — that he spent more than a decade as a performer who happily plugged away at the margins until Hamilton declared him something more. "I know if you look at my history, it seems like I was a struggling artist. And I was, but I also chose those projects," he says of the kind of experimental art he never actually abandoned. "I didn't accidentally end up in Word Becomes Flesh or whatever it was, I chose to do that choreopoem and I liked living like that." [...] "I really don't have very many sad memories from my childhood," he says the first time we speak. Diggs is piping in virtually from the Los Angeles home he shares with his partner, Umbrella Academy actress Emmy Raver-Lampman, and a couple of dogs he's trying valiantly to keep out of frame. "What I remember is laughing so much my face hurt, and never ever being bored."

[...] As the cast readied for Broadway, Diggs signed with a Hollywood manager, who took over his nightly allotment of tickets. She'd be trading them for favors, she told him: Anyone who was going to see Hamilton on one of Diggs' tickets would need to meet with him, too. "I thought it sounded like the ravings of a lunatic. Like, it's a play," says Diggs. "But her black-market ticket exchange is how I met Tina Fey and Kenya Barris and all these people who'd eventually give me jobs. And it was because she'd set these meetings for after the show, and people were so intoxicated by it. It was the craziest thing I'd ever seen."

[...] "People were so overwhelmed by how fucking good Daveed was that they couldn't actually process how it happened without them knowing it," says Casal, who was there on Hamilton's opening night. "Because he wasn't just a rapper having a moment as an actor, and they could see that. And the shock that they weren't up on him made people swarm him." It was gratifying if a little confusing for Casal, who for years would watch as his best friend struggled to get traction, particularly as a rapper. They'd both send their music videos to local blogs and radio stations, and only Casal's, which was commercial in ways Diggs' wouldn't dare be, got picked up.

[...] "I remember all these people saying, 'Oh well, there goes your rapper. Guess the band's over.' But I never had any doubt," says Clipping's William Hutson, who's been tight with Diggs since grade school. "I was like, 'OK, Daveed got to rap on Broadway in a show called Hamilton, he didn't write one word of that show — and a rapper is not a guy who says words, it's a guy who writes words, and this is where he does that. Look, he's a great actor, but Daveed's someone who needs to be creative and he's not going to be satisfied just being on Snowpiercer or saying words out of cartoon mouths."

What Hutson didn't yet know is that at Diggs' first meeting with his manager, he handed her a copy of the latest Clipping album and asked that she listen to it before they discussed his career prospects. "I told her, 'You've only seen this other side of me, and this is actually the shit I'm going to keep doing and you have to be OK with that, too,' " says Diggs. "And then I said, 'I want you to tell me how I'm going to make money, but I want you to tell me how I'm going to make money and not how somebody else is going to make money because then I have to become somebody else and I'm just not very good at that.' " Nor, it was clear, was he interested.

#daveed diggs #rafael casal #bill hutson

[keyofjetwolf]

Hi would you like some rage about She-Ra season 5?

If the answer is no, please don’t click below. For real. Really for real. I’m not looking to piss in anyone’s Cheerios. I think if you were satisfied (or better!) with the show, that’s fantastic and I envy you. As I have always said, love what you love. My opinion is mine and means precisely nothing beyond that. If you think you may be even a little bummed reading about how someone didn’t like it, skip this post and go on with your day, I promise you’re not missing anything worthwhile.

IN A SIMILAR VEIN: If -- before, during, or after reading -- you feel inclined to argue with me, I am begging you to please not. I cannot begin to tell you how much I don’t want to be argued with on this right now. I’m still extremely disappointed and cranky, and I’m not much in the mood to have a measured, reasoned debate about my feelings. Much as my opinion has no bearing on you, your opinion has no bearing on me, and as I’m giving you the option to opt out, I’d appreciate the same courtesy. If you want to write your own post on your own blog, go nuts! Just please leave me out of it. I PREFER TO BE CRANKY AT TELEVISION SHOWS THAN PEOPLE.

The rest of you, come on down. I don’t promise coherency, but I DO promise a lot of stuff said in all-caps!

---

Hello! Thank you for joining me! We watched the remaining few episodes of She-Ra last night! I hated them! Yaaay!

What did I hate? OH HO HO MANY THINGS FRIENDS MANY THINGS. It’s not just stuff from the final couple of episodes either, I want to clarify. It’s the entire final season, settling on last few episodes like the freshly fallen snow on your front lawn that some frat boys decide to pee their names into. By the time we’d gotten to these last episodes, there was really nothing left for me but confirmation of all the shit I’d come to hate. SO THANKS I GUESS FOR PROVING ME RIGHT

Which isn’t to say there was nothing to enjoy in the final episodes! There was!

5. She-Ra’s Triceps. GET BUFF GIRL. I LOVE how Adora and She-Ra look similar, but very much not identical. Adora’s no slouch when it comes to physical stuff, but they go the extra mile to show us how She-Ra is that much more. HOW RARELY DO YOU GET TO SEE A WOMAN WITH MUSCLES. I’ve been nothing but impressed by the ways the show drew the line between Adora and She-Ra, and however I felt about its handling of other elements, it didn’t let me down here.

4. Sometimes A Family Is A Twink, A Lizard, And Their Imp Baby. I don’t have further commentary on this, and I need none.

3. Welcome Home, Daddy. THIS WAS SO SPECTACULAR. Glimmer had, I would argue, the most realized arc in the story. It was so gratifying to see this as a culmination, not just of her own struggle with her magical power and ability to harness it, but her willingness to do what needs doing, however personally difficult. That was a stumbling point Angelica could never overcome, continually trying to micromanage and protect Glimmer rather than trusting her and recognizing her for the asset she was. Also though, more succinctly: YESSSS BITCH

2. A Shanty! THIS WHOLE SCENE WAS PERFECT NO NOTES. Just the right blend of silly and sincere, a genuine delight as even brainwashed Mermista had had enough of Sea Hawk’s shit, AND so much more clever than it seemed at first glance. THIS IS THE ONLY VALID HETEROSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP IN SHE-RA I AM NOT TAKING QUESTIONS AT THIS TIME

1. Shadow Weaver. SHADOW FUCKING WEAVER. What a complicated, fascinating character, bar none the most interesting in the entire series. I do think they pulled their punch right at the very end with her, but I AM capable of remembering I’m watching a kid’s show, so I can only get so disappointed about it. Mostly, she remained a beautifully morally complex character, and she was one of my greatest personal delights from beginning to end*.

(*) Boy did this show have one single solution for mommy issues though.

THAT WAS ABOUT IT. So let’s get to why we’re all really here, and that is MY SCREAMING OH MY GOD WHERE DO I BEGIN

Nah, I know exactly where to begin.

GLIMMER AND BO JESUS MCTRISKET I AM GOING TO EXPLODE AND SHOWER THE UNIVERSE IN THE SHRAPNEL OF MY HATE

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING

WHERE DID IT COME FROM

HOW CAN I SHOVE IT BACK IN THE HATEFUL SPEWHOLE THAT SIRED THIS BULLSHIT

WHY WHY IS THIS HERE WHY IS THIS IN MY FACE WHERE MY EYES HAVE TO SEE IT FUCK ME SIDEWAYS THIS IS THE MOST UNNECESSARY SHOEHORNED IN HET ROMANCE FUCK A DOODLE NONSENSE I HAVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO BEAR WITNESS WHAT IS IT DOING IN THIS OTHERWISE EXPONENTIALLY GAY CARTOON

WERE YOU PANDERING TO THE STRAIGHTS

WHY ARE YOU PANDERING TO THE STRAIGHTS I ASSURE YOU WE ARE COVERED BOTH HISTORICALLY AND FICTIONALLY

ALSO NEED I REMIND YOU THAT YOU HAVE ALREADY ACHIEVED HETEROSEXUAL PERFECTION

NO MERMISTA NO WE ARE NOT ALL JUST LIKE OKAY WITH THIS

Oh my FUCKSTICKS, I could’ve rolled with so much more that angers/disappoints me about She-Ra’s ending if every single thing I feared about this hadn’t proved true.

AND. IT. WAS. SO. UNNECESSARY.

What exactly did pairing off Glimmer and Bo do for the story? For their characters? THIS IS THE PART THAT’S STABBING ME IN THE DELICATE WEBBING OF MY TOES. Because -- COME WITH ME A MOMENT SWEET ANGELS -- because I was under the impression that, oohhhh, I dunno, FRIENDSHIP WAS A HUGE FUCKING IMPORTANT PART OF THIS PASTEL HELLSCAPE

Is it, She-Ra? IS IT REALLY???? When not one but BOTH of your childhood friendship pairings end in romance? When you close out your five seasons with romantic relationships so painfully and specifically sown across the character landscape like an overzealous gardener turned loose on the world?

You know what you have at the end? DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID

THIS ISN’T A BEST FRIENDS SQUAD IT’S A DOUBLE DATE THAT NEVER MERCIFULLY ENDS

And again I ask, Why?? What was it about Glimmer and Bo’s relationship that needed them to become romantic? What was LACKING that this was the solution?

THIS IS WHAT MAKES ME LOSE MY GODDAMN SHITTING MIND I AM SO FUCKING DONE WITH THIS INSIPID MYOPIC TRASHBAG OF A CONCEPT

I believed She-Ra’s entire premise about friendship, I believed it wholeheartedly, and I’m so PISSED that at the close of day, narratively, it swept it all the bin. AND YES, YES IT DID, otherwise, WHY IS IT THERE. It serves no story-based need, it serves no character-based need, it has no NEED at all. So is it meant to be a “reward” to Bo and Glimmer for winning the war, as if their lifelong friendship were not reward enough? Is it meant to show they’ve walked through the flames and emerged with stronger, deeper bonds, because of course a relationship can only go SO deep without fucking. There’s no avenue to Romantic Relationship that doesn’t simultaneously point to something lacking in Platonic Relationship, AND I AM FURY PERSONIFIED

I am so tired of this. I’m SO TIRED of this.

And it didn’t need to be there. They didn’t even TRY to give us a good reason. That may be the part that makes me the angriest. Of COURSE they hook up romantically, of COURSE their platonic love would grow into “more”.

Fuck YOU, She-Ra. I thought you were better than that. YOU WERE SO CLOSE TO BETTER THAN THAT

THEN THERE WAS CATRA

I get it, I guess. I mean, I think it’s shittily written, but I GUESS. Honestly, end of day, I just don’t care about Catra enough to really get too angry about it, particularly when as I’m so fucking incendiary over something much more important to me. But it’s also the show’s greatest creative failure, and even if I HADN’T gotten angrier at other choices, it would’ve still cut its own legs out from under it.

Catra’s “redemption” was weak and sad and did a disservice to her and everyone involved. She started self-centered and shitty, and she ended just as self-centered and shitty, only we’re fine with that now. She learned nothing and changed nothing, but also nobody ever demanded it of her, so I can only lay so much at the character’s feet. The problem is ultimately creative, where I think Noelle Stevenson got lost in her own love of the character, and somewhere along the way forgot that if you take them out that far, you have to be willing to walk them the long road back. Compare to poor Glimmer, for fuck’s sake, whose greatest sin was being desperate enough to be manipulated by the character whose entire fucking DEAL is being THE manipulator. How much shit did she get for that? How long was she punished? Meanwhile Catra becomes THE Big Bad for a while, nearly unravels all of reality in a fit of supreme lesbian angst and self-pity, directly leads to the death of the planet’s ruling monarch who also happens to be GLITTER’S MUM and DIRECT FRIEND TO THE SHOW’S HEROES, but that’s fine, you did one sorta good thing one time and even though it was also wrapped in a thick film of self-pity and a final fuck-you at Adora, all is forgiven!

Speaking of, Adora suffers just as much from stunted growth. From the beginning, her thing was control, unable to free herself from the responsibility of everything and everyone. What did we have at the end? Adora as the only one who could save everything and everyone. Yeah, they kept asking what it was SHE wanted, BUT THEN SHE NEVER ACTUALLY GOT TO CHOOSE. NOT activating the failsafe wasn’t an option for her, and while she wound up not having to die to do it, even that wasn’t her choice in the end, it was Catra’s. (Don’t even get me started on her nth hour “You love me?” fuckery when it wasn’t once for one single second shown to be a question of such life-turning importance.)

All of which could be interesting! That Catra and Adora went through all this, came so far to wind up right where they started? AWESOME. LOVE IT. FUND IT. But really all that happens is nobody minds now that Catra’s a self-involved little shit and tee-hee another Best Friends Squad Mission being bullrushed by Adora within five minutes of ending the last one isn’t that funny?

I can’t even dig much enjoyment out of Adora and Catra as a trope subversion (if one of them was a male, their romantic involvement wouldn’t have even been a QUESTION), because the show lost its fucking mind with romantically pairing everybody off in the final five minutes. WHICH BRINGS ME RIGHT BACK TO MY PREVIOUS SCREAMING SO I’LL STOP THERE.

There was other stuff, of course. I think it was a TERRIBLE decision to spend the last season with the focus split between the two groups of rebels, and writing half the cast into brainwashing. I think the Nettossa and Spinnerella stuff was wasted and lacked any punch at all because the show for some reason or another couldn’t be bothered to let us spend any time with them to care. The waste of Scorpia and Mermista especially (to people named Jet Wolf who are me) was fucking CRIMINAL. Speaking of Scorpia, wouldn’t her showdown with Bo have been so much more poignant if they’d had really any kind of interaction before that moment to build from? (Sure, it’s Scorpia, so if you’re going to sell the lack of context with anyone it’s her, BUT ALSO.) Hey, remember Huntara? No? NEITHER DID THE SHOW.

All my details aside though, MY MANY MANY MANY DETAILS, what kills/rages me most about She-Ra was how so much potential from the first four seasons was just flushed away. Whether it was the creative team shooting itself in the foot or corporate pressure and rushing from Netflix, I don’t know. I don’t CARE. This is the show I was given, so this is the show I have, and that kind of fall after that kind of potential doesn’t just irritate me, it makes me SAD. I wouldn’t be this disappointed if I didn’t think it could have been -- WAS -- so much more.

Time will tell if I can separate out the final season from how much I loved those that came before it. I like to hope so, because I did love it intensely and loved whenever I got the chance to really dig in and talk about it.

WHATEVER ELSE I SUPPOSE I WILL ALWAYS HAVE THIS

Again please remember that I am not at present looking to argue or debate my feelings and opinions. I get to just be angry and disappointed, as a treat!

#jet wolf watches she ra #a novel by jet wolf #ANYWAY THAT'S ENOUGH ENERGY SPENT ON THIS CHILD'S CARTOON FOR ONE 24 HOUR PERIOD

[lord-explosion-baku]

Birthday Snoot

Shinsou x reader

Warnings: swearing, angsty thoughts, fluff

A/N: I just whipped this up for a very special person who’s having a hard time. I’m not gonna add the Taglist because I’m too TIRET.

You dragged your feet up the stairs, dreading even the thought of raising your hands to unlock your condo doors. This week had beat you up. Hell, the past few months had basically latched itself to your back and was draining you of all of your energy; a sadistic twist of it all was that it seemed that the universe enjoyed watching you suffer slowly but surely. You were looking forward to crawling in your bed and allowing your dreams to take you up and out of existence for awhile but you still had so much shit to do.

Your place was empty, a sad thought, though if you were being honest with yourself, you didn’t think you could spare an ounce enthusiasm— a fake smile, acting like everything was cool, or that you were even excited about today. It was just another day. It wasn’t like when you were a kid when you’d count the months, the days, the minutes until this day reared its head around. Often times, you’d be discussing plans with friends, maybe have a party or an outing, something, but your enthusiasm just wasn’t there. You wished it were, but it wasn’t. Will it always be like this? Just another day? If you were being honest, it wasn’t even worth dwelling on. You just had a handful of hours until it was over, and those hours were spent at your desk, working.

You brought a pen to paper and stared blankly at what was supposed to be an essay that was due Monday. What the fuck were you even supposed to be writing about? Your class syllabus was lost to a flurry of other papers jammed in your bag because you didn’t care enough to keep yourself organized or told yourself you’d do it later. If only the world stopped for you just as it seemed like it did in the past. You looked to your phone. Minutes were crawling and you had five missed calls. You felt tension rise up in your back. It was nice to know people cared, to know that people still knew you were alive, but even thinking about calling any one of them back just seemed like another chore.

Your head hit the desk. If only that were enough to knock you out, but that would suggest that you were capable of falling asleep at a decent fucking hour. You hit your head again, if only just to humor yourself and for a moment, it worked, only when you thought about having him see you like this, but of course, he had obligations. You couldn’t expect him to be here to witness your sorry parade. You didn’t even want to tell him that today was your birthday because that could just be a burden to him. He might’ve been a bigger stress ball than you.

It was funny. Thinking about his heavily lidded eyes staring at you actually did get you to be a bit drowsy and you found your eyes fluttering closed. Your lips almost formed a smile. Who needed sleeping pills or meditation when just the thought of your somniferous boyfriend could help aid you with your rest. But shit, fuck! You could not fall asleep. You had obligations.

Just as you were about to raise your head, warmth prickled at your back; large hands began rubbing circles around your shoulders. You hummed in response, easing your head on to your notebook pillow. A scoff followed.

“That doesn’t look very comfy,” he said, trimmed nails tickling you in that spot you liked.

“Hmmm,” you mustered. You weren’t agreeing nor objecting. You just didn’t have words.

His hands dragged down to your arms and he rested his head on yours, his musky aroma tickling your nose. He’d been sweating. On anyone else, that would’ve grossed you out, but you kinda liked it when he smelled like his day. He was always so hard at work, trying to better himself. He was what inspired you to do your best on most days, but today was your day and you allowed yourself the time to just… be down. How did the song go? ‘It’s my party and I can cry if I want to”?.

“Darlin’, if you stay like that, you’re gonna get a hunch in your back. I’ll still love you, but I don’t think you want to live the rest of your life as Quasimodo.”

You hummed again, this time in full agreement. You were already a garbage boi, stink man and you didn’t want to add a hunch on to that. You raised your head and Shinsou let off. You turned towards him and he cupped your face, smiling softly down at you.

“Hey there,” he said, dragging a thumb across your lips. “I missed you so much today.”

You pursed your lips. You should say something. You missed him too, you always did, but words were lost in your throat. You were tired.

“I don’t get a hello?”

You shook your head.

He dipped his head down, leveling his with yours. “Then, how ‘bout a kiss?”

Your eyes fell to his feet. You cursed yourself for being this way. You didn’t want to bring him down. Where were those fake smiles you were thinking about earlier? If you could put up a front in front of anyone, shouldn’t it be for him? He deserved your love and grace. Scratch that, he deserved so much more than you.

“I got you something.” A small square object appeared in front of you. It had wrapping paper adorned with little kittens bearing Christmas tidings all around it; similar to those pajamas you always wore. You furrowed your brows and looked up to him. “It’s a CD.”

Tears welled up in your eyes and you tried to blink them away, but it was a fruitless endeavor. He saw everything.

“Heyyy,” he cooed, kneeling down in front of you. Again, he brought his hand to your face and this time, you leaned into his warm touch. Indigo eyes searched your own. “What’s goin on, kitten? Did something happen?”

God, what was wrong with you? What were you supposed to say to him? Nothing happened. Nothing ever happens. Life was just this endless cycle of you getting up and working your ass off with little to no gratifying results and you were sick of it. And here you were with this fantastic human being who took care of you, who knew your birthday even when you didn’t tell him about it, and you couldn’t even bring yourself to say thank you?! You choked out a sob.

“Shhh shhh, it’s okay…” Shinsou wrapped his arms around you, petting your hair soothingly. With your face in his shirt, you were overwhelmed by his scent as tears rolled off onto it. He felt so nice. He felt like home. You arms creeped up to your back and you lost yourself in his embrace. This was what you needed.

“I know exactly what’s going on…”

One moment you were sitting in your chair, and the next, your legs were hoisted up, imprisoned by your boyfriend carrying you bridal style. For a moment, you felt just like a little kid, like when your parents would carry you from the living room to your bedroom when you’d fallen asleep playing a game. You parted your lips to object, looking towards your schoolwork on your desk but Shinsou wasn’t having it.

“I understand, but you have the entire weekend. You’re exhausted, babe. You need to take a breather.”

Shinsou carried you to your bed and gingerly laid you down across your sheets. Usually you’d find yourself in a similar position after wrestling around and he’d find a way to neutralize you, tossing you carelessly onto your mattress before he’d wrap you around in blankets while you cackled and squirmed underneath him, but right now, he was being sweet, gingerly kissing you on the forehead as he pulled your comforter over your chest. His nice attitude of course, didn’t stoo him from laying right on top of you, burrowing his nose into the crook of your neck.

“We were both busy today. I’m sorry we couldn’t do more.”

You didn’t expect anything from him, so even just having him here with you was enough to lift your spirits slightly. You fingers weaved through his soft purple locks, a sign to tell him that you were fine.

“We don’t have to talk about anything that’s going on if you don’t want to. Just know that I’m here for you, darlin’. And I always will be.”

You tugged on his hair, a sign that was supposed to mean, ‘I get it.’

Shinsou leaned back, brow raised. “Easy there, Godzilla. If you keep that up, I might get the wrong idea.”

You snickered and pulled the covers over your mouth. He smirked down at you and kissed your lips through the covers. You hummed and pulled them down, sticking your tongue out at him, which he took as an opportunity to to smother your face in sporadic and goofy, little pecks. You laughed and scrunched your nose up, turning your head away to avoid any further attacks, but Shinsou merely placed a tender kiss on that sensitive part of your neck.

“I love you,” he said, settling down next to you, “and I’m gonna make sure that we celebrate your birthday properly this weekend, whether you want to go out, stay in, be surprised, I’ll be ready for anything my kitten’s little heart desires. Do you understand?”

His sleepy eyes bore earnest intensity. God, how did you get to be so lucky? You nodded bashfully, embarrassed at your inward fit he had witnessed.

“I’m ready to celebrate every day with you. Whether it be your birthday or any old Thursday. Even if we both have our own shit, we’ll get through it all together. Buckle up, ‘cause you're stuck with me.”

You grinned. Really, he was stuck with you, but hell, sometimes he could be just as big of a mess you were. And you appreciated his mess. You loved him, all of him: his charm, his anxieties, you even loved when he was being a gentle sap like he was right now.

“Hitoshi?”

“Hm?”

You smacked him in the head with a pillow.

“You, monster!” He jabbed you in the rib.

You laughed and wrapped your arms and legs around him, showing off your greatest koala impression, the one he made fun of you for but secretly loved. Shinsou dragged the pillow off of his face and revealed a soft grin. Ahhh he was so stupid!

“I love you, too,” you said into his armpit.

“You better.” Shinsou sunk down deeper into the bed with you, letting out a long yawn before pulling the covers better over the both of you.

“‘Cause I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

@unboundbnha

#bnha x reader #bnha #bnha imagine #bnha reader insert #reader insert #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #mha #shinsou x reader #shinsou hitoshi x reader #hitoshi shinsou x reader #hitoshi shinsou

[amandaoftherosemire]

Bulletproof -- Part Fourteen

Fandom: Marvel/College AU

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Reader, Platonic!Steve Rogers x Reader

Characters: Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter

Author: @amandaoftherosemire​

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 6,582

Format: Series (Complete)

Warnings: Language, fluff, mild embarrassment

Summary: Steve shows you the finished project. You and Bucky go on your first date.

A/N: Well, we’re about done now; I think this is the penultimate chapter. There will be an epilogue after this, because I want another little bit of fluff and to make sure that any loose ends are tied up, but this felt like the right place to bring things to a tentative close. For everyone who read this and made it through all the chapters where these two morons refused to talk to each other, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Also, what is wrong with you? 😉

Part Thirteen here

Part Fourteen

Steve stood in his studio next to the covered canvases he'd set up before his date the night before and very seriously listened to you bitch him out for not locking the door when he worked. At least, he was trying to be very serious, but he couldn't stop smiling.

He’d been grinning at you since you’d started in on him, actually, but in his defense, you and Bucky were being adorable. The way you'd been snuggled up with Bucky on the couch told him the two of you had come to some understanding. The way Bucky was following you like a puppy with a dopey grin on his face told Steve that understanding included something romantic.

Steve couldn’t work up the slightest bit of worry about you, however. It was abundantly clear that whatever the understanding was, you were in charge of it. Bucky was following your lead, and mostly happily, except for your insistence that he stay outside the studio while you lectured Steve and looked at the finished art. You'd had to sternly order Bucky to let you go; he'd stayed wrapped around you as you followed Steve back to the studio. With a steely eye and firm slam, you'd shut the door with him on the other side, pouting in the hallway.

Steve couldn't stop wondering, even as you scolded him, how much you and Bucky had talked and whether Bucky had admitted that he was in love with you. He didn't realize he was beaming even as he hoped that you'd finish chewing him out soon so that he could ask you.

"You're lucky all you got was a fist in the face," you were saying, trying to hold back the laugh at the goofy smile Steve was wearing. He was too pretty in his good humor and you were in too good a mood. "And you're damn lucky you're not getting mine in your big dumb grin." You gave up, laughing out loud as you put your fists on your hips. "What are you smiling at? I am yelling at you, Steven."

"You." Steve replied immediately, snatching you up into a big bear hug. "And Bucky." You squealed as he squeezed. "Is it official now? Or should I have given Loki your number? He asked when I returned the coat."

Your smile sparkled with all the happiness you'd woken with; the first thing you'd seen that morning had been Bucky's bright blue eyes, his sweet smile. After starting the day making love to you, Bucky had then made you breakfast. When you'd started reluctantly talking about returning to your studies, he'd done whatever you'd needed to set up a study spot in their living room rather than let you leave again.

"Is what official?" You shot Steve a wicked grin as you raised your voice loud enough to make sure Bucky could hear you from where you assumed he was eavesdropping. Steve set you back down to shoot you an amused look.

"Yes!" Bucky opened the door to the studio a crack to make sure his voice was crystal clear as he snarled. He'd had his ear pressed to the door to hear what you said to Steve, waiting for the lecture to end in the hopes you'd start talking about him. The idea of another fucking Odinson trying to take you from him sent a shudder of rage through him. He'd be damned if he'd let anyone, least of all Thor's dark brother, take you without a fight. "It's official, dammit. Don't you give that guy shit, Steve."

"Oh, that," you smiled, a little smug to hear the note of jealousy in Bucky's voice. It was nice to not be the only one that suffered from that particular affliction. "Yes, I agreed to let Bucky be my boyfriend. I mean, he wouldn't stop begging and pleading and groveling--"

"She's joking," Bucky cut you off and you could hear the smirk in his voice, "but I would have. Still will, if it comes to it."

"Are you sucking up so I'll let you in here?" Your lips were twitching as you asked the question, but Steve was having to cover his mouth with his hand to stop the chuckles from escaping. He was having an absolute blast watching the two of you flirt and enjoy one another. All he'd ever wanted was the two of you happy. Happy together was a bonus.

Bucky sounded painfully forlorn as he answered, "Yes. I miss you."

You rolled your eyes at Steve, but your heart was melting, and you couldn't shut him out any longer. It was stupid, but you missed him, too. Hell, the idea of being apart had been so unappealing you'd gone to the trouble of dragging all your stuff over to study rather than leave him.

You stalked over to the door and swung it open to find Bucky on the other side, leaning dramatically against the wall and looking adorably sad. You grabbed him by the hand and pulled him into the room with an exasperated groan. "Fine. Come on, you big baby."

You shot Steve an indulgent smile. "I'm in too good a mood for punishments or yelling today. Both of you should take the reprieve and be grateful."

"Done." Steve shrugged and moved to stand next to the first painting, taking the cloth covering in his hand. “Does that mean we’re also done keeping secrets?” he asked hopefully.

“Go ahead,” you allowed, amused with him. Steve had never been terribly comfortable with subterfuge and keeping secrets from Bucky, of all people, had been brutally difficult for him. “No more secrets, no more assumptions,” this with a sidelong look at Bucky, who’d thrown his arm over your shoulders to pull you into his side, “no more hiding.” You finished with a nod to Steve who grinned widely and pulled the cloth to the floor.

“The Wounded Faerie Queen,” Steve said into the hush that fell over both you and Bucky. He looked away as he bundled the sheet up into a wad and turned, blushing, to throw it onto the couch along the far wall. He was painfully gratified and relieved that you both seemed impressed, though the pain on Bucky’s face was breaking his heart.

You weren’t impressed; you were awed. You’d known Steve had talent. You’d believed in him and his art with everything you had. But you hadn’t known he had this in him. He hadn’t simply made you beautiful; he’d made you stunning.

The Queen stood, pretty and poised, in the bright clarity of pastels. She was golden and glorious, walking down a flight of warm marble stairs with her skirts bunched in her fists. Steve had given her a Grecian hairstyle to match the gold chiton that both veiled and highlighted the curves of your body. Vines and ivy twined around more marble, and the light around her almost seemed to pulse with her power.

Though everything around her was touched with that warm and golden light, her majesty was cold as ice, with a sharply arched brow and pursed lips that spoke of disdain and disillusionment. This was a queen who'd had to defend her throne, who’d taken her share of damage doing so.

You didn't know if you could see anything of yourself in either the face or the form, but you weren't sure that your own insecurities weren't standing in the way. Regardless, you recognized the expression, knew the pain and passion you had to endure to create such a thing. You found it hard to believe anyone, even Steve, saw this much beauty in you, felt stripped bare that he saw you this clearly. Still, you hoped the cruel cast to the Queen's features rarely graced your own.

"I swear to god, Steve," you said, your voice low and nearly vicious in its sincerity, "I don't even need to see the rest. If you don't get an A on this project, I will fucking slash your professor's tires."

Bucky continued to stare at the painting, silent and still. He had seen this painting the other night and was amazed anew at its power. The fidelity with which Steve had translated the feel of this expression made him experience it all over again. He shuddered to think of ever losing you, of being shut back out in the cold once more.

You could feel the tension in the arm Bucky had slung around your shoulders, the way it tightened, and turned into his chest, slipping your arms around his waist in comfort. “You okay, Bug?” The melting affection in your voice held such intimate adoration, Steve blushed and had to look away.

Bucky drug his eyes from the painting to look into the warmth beaming out from your face and relaxed with a smile. You loved him. That was the important thing. “Yeah. I was remembering how it used to be. When you looked at me like that all the time.” His smile was genuine, if a bit wry, but you could see the memory of pain around the vulnerable corners of his mouth.

You wrapped your arms around his waist and squeezed. You were sorry that you'd had to hurt him to protect yourself, but you'd needed the time to heal and forgive. You and Bucky had a real chance now. You couldn't regret what you'd done when you knew it to be necessary in the end. “It was damn good armor," you said with a wry smile in return. "But I'm glad I don't need it anymore."

Bucky's face softened with affection as he understood. He looked back at the painting and saw for the first time the pain that lay under the cold disdain on your face. Though this was the look that had made him feel like he no longer existed, thanks to Steve's talent and your words, he could finally see the wounded heart underneath the bulletproof vest.

"You'll never need it again," he promised in a whisper, his eyes direct and intense on yours, "not with me."

Your face spread in a slow smile, your heart soaring. Bucky's throat ached at the sight of your joy. "Enough mush,” you laughed, “before we break poor Steve.”

Steve looked up from the sketchbook he’d grabbed, wanting to capture the image of you and Bucky holding one another and smiling in the first flush of newly found love. He'd never seen that look on Bucky's face before, reverence and rapture. “Don’t mind me,” he said with a chuckle. “You guys are adorable.”

When you glanced over your shoulder to see him sketching, you couldn’t stop the laugh from bursting out of you. “I’m just gonna go ahead and move on to the next since you’re busy.”

Steve waved his hand, keeping his eyes on the page in front of him. He was painfully nervous to see what you thought of the painting you were about to reveal. His feelings about the next work were too powerful; he was terrified to find out what you might think. Your opinion, above all, could make or break him.

You stepped out of Bucky’s embrace to pull the cover from the next easel. When the painting was revealed, a study in oils of the color and feeling of blue, you heard an audible gasp leave your mouth.

The mermaid was simply spectacular.

“Steve.” If Bucky's jaw could reach the floor, it would have. He wasn’t surprised Steve had been able to create this; Bucky was fairly certain Steve could do anything he decided to do. Still, that didn’t stop the overwhelming awe. His friend hadn't created just a painting. Steve had truly created art. “Damn.”

The painting was an oil study in melancholy blues, stormy grays, and sharp greens. The mermaid that dominated the painting sat, tail curled to her side, on an outcropping of rock as sirens are legendarily wont to do. The shimmer of color that danced over meticulously dabbed scales immediately drew the eye. Her tail was an opalescent jewel, the fire of which burned within the heart of the painting.

Her face was largely turned forward, but she looked off into the middle distance, a cold counterpoint to the vibrant beauty of her tail. An expression of such unending sadness, such unfathomable loss lived in her eyes, her mouth, even the set of her shoulders, it brought an ache to the throat. A mane of mermaid hair tumbled around her face, but your heart lived in her eyes.

You didn't know what to say, stunned to see yourself made into something so beautiful, so moving. "Steve, I…" You trailed off, not sure where you were going and feeling tears rising. You cleared them from your throat and said, your eyes still shining. "I'm literally speechless."

Bucky wanted to tease you for that, but he wanted to flatter the both of you more. Steve had found the perfect beauty that lived inside you and translated it to canvas. At the same time, that perfect beauty was inextricably tied to that perfect heart, and this beauty was that odd kind found in grief. Love lost, after all, was still love. Bucky hadn't known such beauty could be found in misery, but he stood slack-jawed in front of it. "I'm not," he said incredulously. "This is fucking gorgeous. You've almost done her justice."

You laughed, but the sound was strangled as you battled the emotion pouring through you. The mermaid sat in the middle of a gray and stormy sea that boiled around her. The wind whipped her improbably long hair into a mad tangle, a tendril of which had fallen across her nose. That stray lock of hair drew attention to the shattered look in her eyes. The corners of her mouth were tight with held back tears.

Rather than the pose you remembered for this, pensively staring into the water below you, Steve had opted for another pose, one where you were sitting up, one arm crossed across your breasts defensively, your hand gripping your upper arm as you curled into yourself. Despite the defensive curl, the mermaid leaned forward, longing in every curve. Though she stared out of the canvas, her eyes were fastened on something only she could see, something that brought her irredeemable grief. You’d never thought to see your own broken heart captured in paint.

You tried to joke in response to Bucky’s flattery, but your voice was weak. “What a liar,” you said absently as you stepped closer. “She's…"

When you trailed off again, mesmerized by what Steve had created, how kind he’d been to your flaws when doing so, he tried to finish it for you. “The Siren Seduced, the best work I've ever done,” he said with a wry smile, “and--"

You cut him off, needing to finish it yourself, wanting to let it go. "What was under the armor." You'd spent too long refusing to look at this. You found it funny that finally doing so was what allowed you to accept and forgive.

Bucky was already wrapping his arms around your waist, both because he didn’t want to stop touching you and because he thought he understood what had put that look on your face. He had. “Babygirl, I’m so sorry.”

You spun to face him, taking his face in your hands to draw it to yours. Your eyes still wet and shining with the unshed tears Steve’s mermaid had inspired, you gazed into his with all the love you had. You kissed him, softly, and shook your head. “No. Stop it. We drank the last of that poison together.” The corners of Bucky’s mouth curved ever so slightly, in the sweet smile you adored. “You forgave me for that,” you nodded at the Faerie Queen, “and I forgave you for this,” another nod toward the mermaid, “so that we could start fresh.”

Your stern demeanor had the desired effect. Bucky couldn’t wallow, even in guilt, not when he had you in his arms, passionate in indignance. His smile crooked and affectionate, he snatched a quick kiss from your mouth. “I love you.”

Your face lit up with such a bright, sparkling smile, it seemed impossible that you’d ever been so sad. “I love you, too,” you chirped back and kissed him again, soft and slow.

“Steve,” you said seriously as you turned to face him, “I changed my mind.” He looked up from his sketchbook, a tinge of bashful pink on his cheeks when you stopped in front of where he was sitting on the stool he habitually used during your sessions. “If you don’t get an A, I’m setting the bitch’s car on fire.”

Steve's face relaxed into a wide, happy smile. He wanted the A, but your opinion, of the mermaid in particular, was of the highest importance. After all, it was your broken heart on display. If you liked her, let alone loved her with the fervor of the devout, as your words and tone indicated, he knew he'd done well. "Considering the way you're escalating, maybe you should see the rest before you have to kill her."

"If the other two are half as gorgeous, I just might." You pulled the pad from Steve's hand to look at the quick sketches of you and Bucky he'd scribbled while you'd been talking. You shot him a grin and wiggled your eyebrows approvingly as you plopped onto his lap. "Let's see the next, Bug."

Bucky grinned at you in Steve's lap and wondered how he'd ever thought you or Steve were attracted to each other. He couldn't be jealous when the two of you, your arm around Steve's neck and his around your waist, looked like siblings. The way you touched each other was chaste to the point of familial. He shook his head and laughed at himself as he pulled the cover from the third canvas.

"I want it."

Steve roared with laughter when the sheet had barely hit the floor and the words were already leaving Bucky's mouth, his voice low and tight with barely restrained lust. At the same time, you were gasping in astonishment and smacking Steve lightly on the back of the head. "Steven!" you admonished. "You made me look like sex on legs!"

Steve leaned back to throw his head back and laugh, which straightened his legs and sent you tumbling out of his lap to the floor. You wanted to curse him, but you were too busy laughing at all three of you, delighted to find that the dynamic of your trio had barely changed even though you and Bucky were now also a separate pair. Steve still teased; he simply added this aspect to his repertoire.

Bucky could only tear his eyes away from the painting when he heard the thump of your body on the floor and the 'oof' it drove from you. "Dammit, Steve," he said when he turned around to find Steve half out of his chair and you giggling on the floor, "if you can't take better care of her, you're not allowed to hold her anymore."

This only sent you and Steve into further gales of laughter, the sound of Bucky's exasperation painfully familiar and deeply missed. Bucky may have changed the admonitions, but he still acted annoyed with you both. He took the hand you'd raised into the air and pulled you to your feet and directly into his arms. "I can't let you go for a second," he purred as he turned, with you under his arm once again, his hand running gently up and down the outside of your arm, to look at the third painting, this one in colored pencils.

"Robin Goodfellow," Steve said, still chuckling, "and she belongs to Miss Sex-On-Legs here." At the happily surprised grin you shot him over your shoulder, he smiled back, his face sweetly affectionate in gratitude. "You should have one, and that's the one that you'll enjoy the most."

You turned back to the piece, your face immediately stretching into a smile at the sight of yourself in a bright green frock coat that hung open enough to expose the curves of your breasts and waist. You had a quiver of arrows on your back and a bow in your hand. The pirate style coat was still short enough to reveal most of your legs, while the edge conveniently preserved a little of your modesty. The grin on your face, however, was pure mischief. Based on the sultry, yet slightly shy, curve to your lips, there was no doubt you were up to something.

Bucky wondered what you'd been planning when Steve had captured this particular expression because he'd seen its more intense sister when he made love to you. He adored it, and to see it captured so beautifully had him utterly enthralled. You could seduce him with a look, and this was the beginning of that quick and easy seduction.

"This one is Bucky's, though," Steve stepped forward to take the last sheet in his fist. As he pulled it away, he finished, "Because you only smile like this for him." He hadn't known he'd be able to give this one to Bucky, but even as he'd painted it, he'd hoped.

When the sheet revealed the bright and bold piece in acrylics, Bucky's jaw dropped again. He stood, amazed, even as you huffed out the breath of an astonished laugh. The work was joyous, bright greens and shimmering golds set off by dark and earthy browns. You lay in the middle of a field of clover, the little green leaves dotting your green-and-brown-veined skin, your hair seeming to grow into the ground beneath you. Your legs were crossed and drawn up a little toward your chest in laughter. Your arms were around your middle like you were holding on as your head tilted backward.

Your face, however, held the bright and happy expression he'd captured the day in the lab when you'd worked on Bucky's arm. For the first time in years, Steve had seen the smile you reserved for Bucky and Bucky alone. When you'd been younger, this smile had beamed out of you whenever Bucky had been particularly tender or affectionate. After the Falling Out, Steve had thought it gone forever.

That day in the lab, he'd seen that bright smile and raced to capture it. But once he'd done so, he'd found that there was something different about the smile you saved for Bucky, something powerful. This smile beamed out of you like light, like you held a sun inside of you, carrying love and joy in equal measure. But the pain and grief of what had come before brought a depth to this smile that hadn't been there before.

The joy was that much more powerful and poignant because the heart that felt it had known loss, and pain, and fear. The love that accompanied it was that much more durable and strong because it came from understanding.

Bucky cleared his throat, captivated by the smile beaming out of the canvas, awed at what his friend had created. He loved this smile, adored making it happen, because it was so pure and genuine. The idea that you only bestowed this gorgeous expression on him made him feel ten feet tall. "What do you call this one?"

"Winter's End."

Bucky tightened his arm around your shoulders, catching your eye when you glanced his way, the smile from the painting shining on your face, dazzling him. He huffed out an amazed breath, astonished at how his life had changed, how he'd gotten everything he ever wanted in this surprising spring. "Perfect."

Bucky walked into the living room of his apartment already tugging at the collar of the gray button-down he'd tucked into black slacks. He hated anything resembling a suit, had always been more comfortable in a t-shirt and jeans, but he sure as hell wasn't going casual on his first date with you. Hell, he'd been in love with you for half of his life; the least he could do was put on a jacket when he took you out for the first time, officially.

And he hadn't needed his mother to tell him that. He'd already picked out what he was going to wear when she called to check in that afternoon. She'd been painfully relieved when you'd become friends again; though both of you had played down the extent of the rift when talking to her, she knew her babies and neither of you had fooled her. The squeal of joy she'd let out when he'd told her during that afternoon's call that the two of you had gotten together was still ringing in his ears. Winnifred had sternly admonished him not to screw up before telling him to put on a blue tie to match his eyes.

Bucky'd torn the damn thing off almost as soon as he'd put it on and felt like an idiot.

"Is it stupid that I'm nervous?" He asked Steve, and to a lesser extent, Peggy, the two of whom were sitting on the living room couch watching a movie and discussing their plans for the evening. He'd only met Peggy that afternoon, though he already approved. She was a cool English rose with the mouth and body of a pin-up girl. Even better, she had a steel-trap mind and soft eyes when she looked at Steve.

Steve shrugged without taking his eyes from the screen. "I mean…"

Peggy's lips twitched when Bucky flopped into the recliner with a dramatic sigh and Steve studiously ignored him. "You should ask her that question," she murmured quietly, but with calm assurance.

Bucky's eyes narrowed, but he considered it. "I should?" he asked, not skeptically but wanting to make sure she wasn't fucking with him. If she was friends with you, he had no doubt she had a wicked sense of humor.

Peggy smiled and Bucky could see exactly what so attracted Steve. It was clear that she was as good as she was pretty. "Trust me."

"You look fucking beautiful." The words were out of Bucky's mouth before he was thinking about them the moment you opened your door that evening. Knowing he wanted to make this first date special, you'd gone to some serious trouble.

Making good on your promise, now that finals were over, you'd spent the afternoon getting ready, pampering your skin, doing your makeup and hair. You’d even pulled out a dress you'd bought nearly a year before but had never worn when you'd realized it matched Bucky's eyes.

You grinned appreciatively at the unusual sight of Bucky in a suit; the open collar made you want to press your lips to the hollow of his throat. He’d gotten a haircut, trimming the almost chin length locks to above his ears, but still long enough on top that it looked soft. Your fingers almost itched to comb through it. "Right back at ya, Buck," you purred and bit your lip.

Your shy sultry smile had him chuckling as he relaxed. He slipped his arms around your waist and snatched a quick kiss from your lips. "For some dumb reason," he said as he squeezed you once and let go, "I was so nervous, but now that I'm looking at you…" He lifted his hand to trace the line of your jaw with his thumb.

The idea that after all these years, after everything you'd been through and done together, that Bucky could still worry about impressing you on a first date had your heart melting, as did your body as you flowed against him. "You were nervous?" you asked as you slid your arms around his neck and nuzzled your mouth against his.

Bucky slid his arms back around your waist to pull you close as he thought, Note to self: do what Peggy says. "Is that stupid?" he asked before brushing his mouth gently against yours.

"Maybe," you breathed, "but it still makes me want to drag you in here and--"

"Can you not?" Gamora's voice carried from the living room and you wondered how the hell she even heard you.

Bucky's arms tightened once before letting you go. "Shall we?" he snickered, offering you his arm.

"Since G is such a buzzkill," you laughed back as you took it and closed the door behind you on Gamora’s quiet chuckle.

Bucky realized why he'd been nervous very shortly after being seated in the restaurant. He'd wanted to take you someplace nice enough to have great food, but not so fancy that the two of you couldn't have any fun. When he recognized the server as a woman with whom he'd had a very brief affair, he cursed inwardly, viciously and deeply profane.

The slow, seductive smile she bestowed on him when she took the drink order let him know she remembered and would be happy to pick up where they left off. When she walked away with a sassy twitch to her hips, he looked back to you with his stomach sinking in dread.

He knew he was doomed when his eyes met yours where you sat across from him. The sight of you, leaning back in your chair, legs and arms crossed, a wide, wickedly amused and knowing smile on your face, sent a shiver down his spine. "You've nailed the waitress, haven’t you?"

Bucky didn't try to prevaricate or lie. Not only would you see through it and not be amused, he didn't want to start your relationship with dishonesty. Despondent, he dropped his head to the table, banging his forehead on it as he went. "Yes."

Because he was face down in the linen tablecloth, he didn't see you press your lips together in affectionate amusement at his melodramatic pose. "Did you know she worked here?" you asked, your voice rich with that affection and amusement.

Bucky lifted his head, his eyes narrowed at the note of mirth to the tone of your voice. When he saw you still grinning, no hint of anger or resentment in your face or form, he started to see the humor in the situation. "No," he replied, his lips starting to twitch, "but I wasn’t picking a restaurant based on avoiding women I’ve nailed."

You took pity on him, knowing he would never have brought you here had he known. "Would it make you feel better if I told you I’ve nailed the bartender?" The corner of your mouth lifted in wry affection as you leaned forward, placing your hand palm up on the table in invitation.

Bucky took your hand, cradling it gently as he glanced over his shoulder to see a lovely woman with a straight rain of black hair and full red lips behind the bar. "As a matter of fact," he answered with a lecherous grin your way, enjoying the images you'd put in his brain. "Have you?"

You opted not to answer, knowing it would be far more fun to let him wonder. "Typical," you said, instead, with a laughing roll of your eyes.

His face softened with love, realizing you'd eased his embarrassment by reminding him of your twisted sense of humor. He'd wanted tonight to be perfect, had hated that his history had already been forced into your face. He didn't know how he'd managed to fuck up so quickly, but here he was. He also didn't know how you always managed to make the horrible humorous, the embarrassing enjoyable. "You’re having entirely too much fun at my expense," he teased as he lifted your hand to his lips to press his lips to the back, wanting the connection of skin on skin.

Your hand turned in his to cup his face. "Of course I am," you chuckled. "It doesn’t matter who you nailed before, Bug." Your face and voice were soft and affectionate, knowing he'd be beating himself up. You couldn't be angry or upset if you tried, loving the things that go wrong, secure in the knowledge that the two of you would laugh over this for years. Your lids lowered and you shot him a hot look and a slow smile. "I know who you’re nailing tonight."

Bucky turned his lips into your palm, breathing in your scent and reveling in how absolutely perfect you were, at least for his imperfect ass. "I don’t deserve you," he murmured against your skin.

"Damn straight."

His eyes lifted to yours and his sweet smile was charming you all over again. "Do you want to go somewhere else?" At the arch of your brow, he sighed in resignation. "Or are we going to brave it out because you'll be damned if she runs you out of here?"

You snorted, thoroughly enjoying being on a first date with someone who knew you so well. It was a weird combination of familiar and new. "What do you think?" You pulled your hand from his to sit back with a smile. "Don’t worry so much, love. You’re mine now. I’ll fight to keep what’s mine."

Bucky sat up with a suspicious twist to his grin. "Why does that sound like a threat?"

"Because it is," you shot back with an eyebrow wiggle.

The rest of your meal passed without incident. Your server had spied on you and Bucky from around the corner to the kitchen, wondering if she should surreptitiously leave her number on the receipt. When she saw the two of you hand in hand and obviously in love, she cut her losses on the hottie front and put her all into server mode, staying as impersonal as possible, treating you both like strangers.

When you smiled at her as you rose to leave, Bucky behind you pulling out your chair, she thought she saw a warm commiseration on your face and wondered if you knew she was lusting after your man. If you did, you seemed to understand, and she found herself thinking you seemed fun. When she saw the scribbled, Thank you for everything. Especially for not making it weird, next to a winking smiley face and a fifty percent tip, she laughed and wished you both the best.

Out on the sidewalk, Bucky was standing with his head on your shoulder while you pet his hair and cooed soothingly, your voice full of laughter as you consoled him. "There, there, Bucky-bug. You’re done now. We don't have to pretend that you, me, and our waitress aren’t all thinking about the fact that you know what she looks like naked anymore."

Bucky gave up, sagging in laughter before he straightened, his hands lifting to cup your face, his head dipping to kiss you, quick. "I fucking love you, babygirl," he said as his hands dropped to draw your arm into his to lead you down the street. "Let's keep our fingers crossed that I haven't banged anybody at the ice cream parlor."

Thankfully, for both of you, neither of you had ever before seen any of the people in the gourmet ice cream parlor. As you walked in the warm summer evening, trading tastes of your honey lavender ice cream cone for his stracciatella gelato, you talked easily, in an odd way catching up on the little things you'd missed in each other's lives during the lost years.

By the time the ice cream was gone, you were both content and comfortable, first date nerves long gone in the enjoyment of each other. When you found yourself on the same street as Howlie's, it felt like the most natural thing in the world to extend your date by joining the friends you knew were there.

After a couple hours of pool, slow dancing to the jukebox, and enough laughter to make your stomach hurt from the good-natured teasing that was the hallmark of your group of friends, you and Bucky stopped in front of your door.

Once you'd unlocked the door, you turned with warm and soft eyes to link your wrists behind his neck and step close with a seductive smile. "First date. I’m supposed to leave you here after a single kiss."

"Since when do you ever do what you're supposed to?" he purred, slipping his arms around your waist, pulling you close. "Come home with me, babygirl. I missed you all week."

"No, not tonight," you murmured, brushing your mouth against his as his face fell in astonished, disappointed misery. It took everything you had to not burst into laughter at how adorably dramatic he was. "Gamora's gone tonight. Why don't you come home with me instead?"

When he understood, his arms tightened to pick you up and carry you inside. Your hand dropped behind you to turn the knob as Bucky started forward. "I thought you didn't like hookups in your space," he teased, his mouth against the skin of your throat.

You'd wrapped your arms tightly around his neck, burying your face in his hair to breathe in the smell of him. "I don't." When he set you down inside your apartment, you locked the door behind you and took him by the hand. "Which is why you'll be the first, so you better be here in the morning."

Bucky woke the next morning to sunshine, chirping birds, and your breath on his skin. In your bed, surrounded by your scent like a taste on his tongue, your bare skin against his, he lay basking in the wonder of it. Whatever happened tomorrow or the day after, he'd never take you for granted, too aware of how close he'd come to never knowing the joy of hearing your hum of pleasure when you woke in his arms.

"Mmm." Your hand skimmed over his back as you snuggled closer, rubbing your face against the skin of his chest as you woke. The feel of your mouth opening to taste him before your eyes opened would have had him rock hard if he hadn't already woken that way in response to the feel of you against him. When you tilted your head back, your eyes fluttering open, and smiled with a murmur of, "Yummy," he thought you the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

You sighed happily when Bucky gently brushed kisses over your face, adoring you with his lips. "Good morning!" you giggled as he cuddled you closer.

"Best morning ever," Bucky corrected softly. As far as he was concerned, this was the first morning of his second chance. He'd be grateful for it, and you, for the rest of his life.

You were dazzled, enchanted both by how pretty Bucky was first thing in the morning, and the love that beamed out of him. His smile turned mischievous and you could swear your heart glowed.

Bucky knew he shouldn't. He knew that he was risking ruining the perfect bubble he'd woken in with you. He knew that there was a very real possibility that you would not find him funny, that you would get pissed off and kick him out and he'd spend the rest of the day trying to coax you out of ill humor. Then he remembered that of the million reasons he'd fallen in love with you, one of his absolute favorites was your twisted sense of humor.

“Remind me of your name, doll,” he said, wickedly, to your shocked gasp of laughter, “I’ve got this friend who might quiz me later.”

Epilogue here

Taglist:

@learisa @angieptt @mia-at-work @midnightdream83 @wwecrazed2010 @allandoflimbo @emaywhyayy @cheekygeek05 @lovely-geek @diinofayce @suz-123 @hellzzzbelle @olukewarmo @fairchild21 @thefridgeismybestie @fandomsstolemylife00 @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @australianhorrorstory @buckybarneshairpullingkink @c-ly-g @wishingforahome @strangersstranger @whiskeyandwashitape @eyesfixedonthesun22 @ingenue-q @joe-mazzello-is-my-dad @irritated-bisexual @fashionworld12 @lbouvet @rishlo @bibliophile1773 @miraclesoflove @nerdy-bookworm-1998 @destiel-is--endgame @peaceinourtime82 @badassbaker @walkingtravesty97 @firefly-in-darkness @sleepingspacedragon @lydklein1 @marvel-lucy @supernaturalvikingwhore @marauderskeeper

#Bucky Barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky fanfic #platonic!steve rogers x reader #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic #mcu fanfiction #mcu fanfic #series wip #marvel au #mcu au #college au #bulletproof #pantswrites #bucky barnes fluff

[darkarfs]

My 10 Favorite WWE Matches of All Time (updated)

10: The 2001 Royal Rumble No matter how daft and stupid the product gets, I will never not stoke my head in around January. The Royal Rumble is my favorite match, but this one is my favorite favorite instance of that match. The pacing, the beautiful endurance of Kane, the hardcore interval (which Kane just decides to destroy), the Big Show returning after 4 months just to get shit-canned a minute into his run. There is so much to love about this mess. The preview of Rock and Austin that year for their Wrestlemania showdown. The fact that 4 or 5 of them (Rock, Austin, Kane, Undertaker, even Rikishi) could have been main event contenders. The best midcard in WWE history. Scotty 2 Hotty having the worst night of his life. Drew Carey just showing up. Bradshaw just cliffing everyone, because he's gotta get his shit in. Good Rumbles are like a 3 course meal, and this one is like all your courses at once, and then dessert is a treat you could die on. 9. Tyler Bate vs. WALTER - Takeover Cardiff Crowds make a lot of matches for me (thanks, 2020) but this crowd is especially electric, and for 24-year-old Tyler Bate, who is taking on a TANK, and that tank's name is WALTER, a TANK. But I will never not be a sucker for a David vs. Goliath story, and it was never better told than the boy made of thighs vs. the destroyer made of shattering palms. It is SO CARNY, so many feats of strength, so many OOOOOFS AND UUUUUURGHS that make this so great. Tyler was a hero on this night, but everyone knew he wasn't ready to win. Every feat is a magnificent reach. And it all means something to everyone. Make them what they know SHOULD happen and still surprise them with it. His "refusing to quit!" only to get shut down by a fucking chop. HE STANDS but is immediately ruined. It makes me. This shit fucking makes me. 8. Sasha Banks vs. Bayley, 30-Minute Iron Woman Match - Takeover Respect Most of this is just a remix of their epic and warranted classic in Brooklyn. but then Sasha takes the headband off of Izzy. And then they both stepped it up and were *amazing*. We somehow lost Bayley's "RAAAAAH'S and that's sad for me. But then they RAMP IT UP. NOBODY LIKES YOU. FUCK YOU. WE'RE HAPPIER NOW. (WE'RE NOT.) But seriously, Sasha taking Izzy's headband and then THROWING IT AT HER started something special, something grand. THE OUTRAGE. The bastion of heel heat. And then the match got better. They hugged at the end of their encounter in Brooklyn, but then they started poisoning one another. And it all started with this amazing match. (Also, Bayley's amazing red and gold robot tights.) 7. Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels, Wrestlemania 21 Listen. HBK's 'Mania outings with the Undertaker are solid "match of the decade" contenders, piss-easy. They are peerless, they are in a league of their own. But saying they're your favorite? Unless you are an actual wrestler, that's like saying "UH, MY FAVE BAND IS THE BEATLES." Ya boring, ya basic, and we can all do better. And seeing how I'm in my late 30s, I understand wrestling a little different than I did when I made this list in...2016??? Christ. I bet AJ Styles vs. John Cena was on it that year. Two of the best performers, both in their prime, and looking back on it, I just prefer the mix of character dynamics at play. Angle is easily one of the best in the world, but he has such an inferiority complex, because he's an Olympic gold medalist who is told *nightly* that he sucks, and he CAN'T best Michaels. He keeps coming back, and he's so charming, so effortlessly good at this whole "wrestling" thing, and it's slowly making Angle, who SHOULD be all of those things, absolutely *spare.* And that informs so many spots and story moments in the match itself, specifically when Angle LOSES it and starts shouting at him, only to have a superkick partied under his face. Angle is one of the best ever because his wrestling acumen served his character, never once defined it. 6. Vince McMahon vs. Shane McMahon, Wrestlemania 17 I haven't gone back to watch the whole of Vince vs. Shane THAT many times. What I have done is watch the finish about 65 times. There is something so addictive and magical about that one pop, when Linda stands up from her chair, and the ENTIRE crowd stands with her. And I'll 100% agree that Vince's comeuppance - one slap, one hoof to the balls, a Mandible Claw and a Coast-To-Coast dropkick - is not NEAR the actual comeuppance he should have gotten for some of the deplorable shit his character got up to from around the Rumble to this match (two of which they've done their very best to scrub from history, they're THAT bad.) But it's the purest example I can think of, of that pantomime aspect of wrestling. Vince McMahon is a deranged bastard. He likes dumb, cruel, crude things, but his commitment to being the world's 2nd-worst lizard man makes some of the stuff that happens to him more richly rewarding than almost any retribution in any medium, ever. The final 4 minutes of that match, the crowd is a fireworks display. They rise, they explode, they rise and explode, over and over. And again, shoutout to my boy 2020 for making me miss a crowd THAT big having THAT good a time. 5. Adam Cole vs. Johnny Gargano - 2 out of 3 falls - TakeOver New York Now look, I'm not saying that NXT is essentially perfect for me, in terms for what I look for in wrestling. What I will say is that when it cooks, it combines the very best of indie stamina, choreography and stunt work with something WWE sometimes gets VERY right, and that is unabashed, unironic emotion. And it's not even that the intimacy of NXT being a smaller promotion has a denser, more specifically passionate fanbase. It's just the fact that NXT understands that so often, nuance and drama in wrestling doesn't come from promos, or swerves, or endless escalations of said drama, but from getting the FUCK out of the way and letting two of the best in the world *wrestle.* NXT is so good for providing context for the acts of jealousy, pride and entitlement, and then laying out a match that touches on all of these emotions throughout. This main event, built in two weeks, after a terribly-timed Ciampa injury, is actually VERRRY clever booking...disguised to look really simple. Cole starts the match as the crowd favorite, because he's the cool tweener everyone likes (with a catchphrase) to Gargano's unironic Disney prince. Over the course of Cole going all out, making subtle references to Johnny's feud with Ciampa, Gargano fighting from underneath, total fuck-off bastardry from the Undisputed Era (making poor Mauro Ranallo yell "YOU SNAKES!!") Maybe Cole WAS the better choice, but by the end of it, you didn't care. On that night, Johnny refused to lose, and the constant, exciting, *involving* wrestling dragged you to that emotional place. Damn right, you deserve it. 4. CM Punk vs. John Cena, Money In the Bank 2011 It might be a simple choice, but also, sometimes, it's really really gratifying to see a crowd who wants something get what they fucking want for once. A hot crowd makes a good match great, and a great match THIS. A crowd united, either for one guy, and against another, and in this case, BOTH. It makes every. Move. Matter. Trying to find a new angle on this match is like trying to find a new way to say fire is warm. And this crowd created a CAUSE. The no-sold pinfall, the attempted rehash of the Screwjob. Point out the botches if you must. The angle, the promo...it got my friends back into wrestling, a reason to care until the Shield. It's not the best, but it deserves to be. There is no wrestling crowd I wish I was more a part of. And I was at King of the Ring 1998. 3. Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar, 60-Minute Iron Man match, Smackdown of September 18, 2003 It MAYBE was a bit of a "hipster" choice to name this my number 1 in 2016. But you know what? Bloody holds up. Two performers who feel "destined to do this forever," like a Triple H/Shawn Michaels, or a Kevin Owens/Sami Zayn. Possessed of freakish physical charisma, could go for days if pressed. Brock Lesnar, literally at the time ONE OF THE BEST ATHLETES in the WORLD being a lazy fucker and taking DQ points, laying the foundation of what Brock Lesnar would come to be known as. And Angle, in that rare position of everyone knowing he's the best thing going. Brilliant Lazy Asshole Brock and Certified Wrestling Machine Angle are two of my unironic favorite characters in all of wrestling, and it's a buffet of THAT. Like a Royal Rumble, only it's just two dudes, being the best they've ever been. 2. DIY vs. the Revival - 2 out of 3 falls - TakeOver Toronto "Tag team wrestling?" says main roster WWE. "What is this...tag team wrestling?" Well, this is it, at its absolute best. It's up there with Rey Mysterio and Edge vs. Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle from No Mercy 2002 for just brilliant, rock-solid tag team psychology. There are more story opportunities when there are more rules to break, how can WWE *not get behind that?* In terms of chemistry, both between opponents and between teams, in terms of callbacks like Johnny muscling through the exact same inverted figure four that lost them the belts in Brooklyn. It is a perfect match. Not an ounce of fat on it. And that closing sequence, of each member of DIY locking the Revival in their signature holds, and the men now known as FTR clinging to one another. It's probably the best tag match in the history of the WWE, and considering the caliber of tag matches on TakeOvers, is FUCKING saying something. 1. Daniel Bryan vs. Brock Lesnar, Survivor Series 2018 This match is everything I always hoped for. For the longest time, after the 2015 Royal Rumble debacle, when Reigns won, when simply everything we knew about storytelling said "no, of course it should be Bryan," I wondered what that 'Mania match would look like. If it were anything like this, I would have died a happy man. But then again, what makes this match so GOOD is that Bryan had just come back from an early retirement caused by head and neck surgery, and here he is, being dropped on his head and neck by Brock Fucking Lesnar, aka what would happen if the concept of "not giving a shit" gained corporeal form and starting shilling for Jimmy John's. The match gets really ugly, really fast, and Bryan takes us to uncomfortable places with his selling. It wasn't just the retirement angle, it was also the fact that Brock had turned out some REALLY lazy shit by that point in his career, so we had all mentally prepared for another finish-spamming early night. And then. AND THEN... Bryan hoofs him in the walnuts, hits the running knee, gives us the absolute closest 2-count of the decade, and then the fight is fucking on. Bryan went, over the course of 2 minutes, from never having a chance against Brock Lesnar to it being an *absolute certainty* that he was going to BEAT BROCK LESNAR. Anytime you visibly leave your seat every few seconds during a match, you know it's a special one. Again, it took me away, had me absolutely *screaming* at my monitor, elated, invested, and I don't know what more your favorite match can ask of you. But what happens when your favorite match isn't a match at all? No. 0: The Firefly Funhouse - Wrestlemania 36 I'm not kidding, it actually might be my favorite thing. It could be just my brain latching onto the Cult of the New, but I don't think so. It's not a match, I get it. It exists in a weird null-void outside of time and space, but mostly I am floored that they would broadcast something so virulently anti-WWE. Like, we talk of CM Punk and how WWE let him get away with all his little jokes and cut his little Pipebomb promo. But then WWE signed off on Bray Wyatt tearing the soul out of their business. Burying the biggest star of this generation, skewering and laying bare all of terrible WWE's terrible priorities, and also celebrating insider knowledge, wrestling history, and I just...love it. Right now, it's my favorite thing WWE have ever put out, because it did something they've never done before, told a story I didn't think they were capable of telling. And sure, it was Bray who told it, but I still can't believe it aired. But I am endlessly thankful that it did.

#wwe #favorite matches #long post

[eldritchsurveys]

956.

Created by Guia from scyphozoan 1) What way of self-care do you enjoy the most and what feels more like an obligation? >> I enjoy trying to find the things that make me feel fulfilled and inspired and joyful (although sometimes it’s harder than it sounds, it’s still something I don’t mind putting energy into), and I enjoy trying to find ways to connect to myself as opposed to run away from myself. Those both feel good and gratifying on a more immediate level. I do not enjoy taking care of more mundane and physical aspects of my existence, I definitely regard that as an obligation (or routine maintenance) rather than something I actively enjoy doing or actively feel fulfilled by. 

2) Have you ever tried specific diet plans or fads? What made you do it and how did it turn out for you? >> No, I’m pretty repelled by fad diets and, basically, any random person telling me how I should be eating (especially if there’s some kind of proprietary shit involved). Eating really isn’t that fucking complicated -- although admittedly sometimes it can feel that way considering how much capitalism has fucked the most basic things up for us -- and I’m tired of being sold this party line that I have to micromanage my diet like some kind of neurotic in order to be “healthy” (imagine really exaggerated air quotes there). So, no. I eat what feels good to eat, and most of my diet management is actually about being more conscious about where my food comes from and how much processing it goes through and whether it’s locally and [reasonably] ethically produced or not, that kind of thing. 3) When was the last time you prematurely quit something you had already committed to? How did you feel about it afterwards? >> I don’t remember. I don’t think I usually have much opportunity to do this. 4) How honest are you in your surveys? Have you ever felt the need to lie or avoid a question for any reason? Is there any topic you find too personal to talk about? >> I think I’m completely honest. I don’t lie on surveys, unless I’m unconsciously lying to myself about something (and I don’t think that’s the same thing as intentional dishonesty). I don’t literally say everything I think and feel about every subject, but I wouldn’t call that dishonesty. And, yeah, there are certain things I won’t discuss in detail in a survey answer, and that’s largely because other people have access to these things, and I don’t think certain elements of my life experience should be discussed openly in such mixed company like that. I have a private journal if I want to elaborate on anything to myself. 5) If you have a partner, how often do you need or want to have sex, ideally? What would you say are the common challenges you encounter in keeping a healthy sex life, if any? If you are single, how do you maintain your personal sexual health? >> I don’t have sex with my outworld partner. (There aren’t any real challenges with my Inworld escapades, which is largely why I enjoy them.)

6) Do you know anyone who has been directly affected by COVID-19 e.g. testing positive, losing a loved one, or their job due to the pandemic? >> I don’t think so.  7) If you cook, do you remember when and how you started learning? Is there a recipe you enjoy making more than others? If you don't cook, where do you get your meals from and how do you usually decide what to get? >> I technically do know how to cook, I just... don’t cook. It doesn’t spark joy. Sparrow, on the other hand, loves cooking, so it works out. 8) What items do you not mind splurging on? Do you tend to subscribe to the thinking expensive = good quality? >> I don’t enjoy splurging on anything because I have a low income and spending money always feels risky no matter what the fuck I’m buying. I prefer to buy things of higher quality if I can because... that’s what I like. I like things of value. Unfortunately, I don’t always have the actual ability to buy the higher-quality (and usually higher-priced) thing, so it’s a balance I always have to strike. Sometimes I get lucky -- for example, that COVID Stimulus Package thing enabled me to get my first pair of Bose headphones and I am very appreciative for that opportunity because I’ve wanted a pair for years but could never come even close to affording it. As far as “expensive = good quality”, I do know that that’s not always the case -- capitalism ruins everything, like I said, and sometimes shit is just expensive for no ass reason (brands are a curse). But it is true in enough cases, is all. 9) Is there a kind of music you only prefer listening to during specific type of activities that you otherwise wouldn't enjoy under normal circumstances (e.g. EDM while doing sports or instrumental music while studying, etc.)? >> Hmm... no, I don’t think so. 10) If you had to start a YouTube channel and motivations/skills/resources/any other inhibiting factors weren't an issue, what would it be about? >> I don’t want to start a Youtube channel, though. I’m perfectly content watching other people’s channels. 11) What's one thing that would make your life perfect right now? What's stopping it from happening? >> Nothing would make my life perfect. Which is fine because perfection doesn’t interest me. My life is actually pretty good, considering 1) the state of my brain and 2) the state of the world, so. 12) Name something from or about your teenage years that DOESN'T embarrass you: >> Nothing about my teenage years embarrasses me. I’m mostly sad and angry about the shit that went down in my teenage years, not embarrassed by my reactions to it or what kind of person I was. I’m kind of fiercely protective of my younger self, because, by god, someone has to be. 13) Has anything ever happened to you that if you told someone about, they would think you're making it up? >> Yeah, there’s a couple of things like that. Some of them are good/funny (the whole Voltaire incident) and some of them are pretty sucky (being put on probation at 13yo for pretty much nothing, and also being put in juvie for a week because... other teenagers started fights with me... none of that even makes sense to me and I’m the one who went through it). 14) What do you think of gossips? Have you ever been guilty of gossiping yourself? How about a time when you've been a victim of one, or have had to distance yourself from someone because they couldn't keep a secret? >> I don’t really care about gossips. It just doesn’t affect me either way. Sometimes I’ll engage in some light gossip for funsies, but I avoid anything that reads as flat-out malicious to me. That’s all. 15) What travel destination or popular spot have you been to that you found overrated? What about a lesser known place that you thought was a hidden gem? >> Meh. I mean, I used to live in NYC so there are a lot of places I’ve been to that don’t strike me as particularly remarkable but other people go apeshit over, but that’s just the “living in a tourist city” experience. I think it’s awesome that other people enjoyed those things, and I’m glad they exist for other people to enjoy.

#surveys #survey #random survey

[jj-lynn21]

HOLLYWOOD MOBSTERS Starring Bill Skarsgard and his family ch 5

ch 1  ch 2 ch 3 ch 4 ch 6 ch 7

Warnings: violence discussed, cussing, angst, fluff

Bunny’s new routine "Wicked Games you play, I don't wanna feel this way" 

Bunny team pole dance POLE DANCING TO DARK HORSE- Katy Perry 

Photos from esquire Singapore September 2019, Calvin Klein, IMDB and Ejalo’s Instagram 

Bunny is back at the club by six thirty the next night as she said she would be. She uses her key to get inside. Its still dark as if no one is around.  She flips on the light. In the center of the table area is dinner set for two. As Bunny walks closer to the table, she sees the white roses in the center.  

“They are a peace offering, “Bill walked out from the side hall that led back to the dressing rooms. Office and bedrooms. “I have no excuse for how I acted last night. You know I have been through some shit. I’m sorry I was acting inappropriately.”

“Come sit down Bill,” Bunny sat at the table making a motion for him to sit across from her. “I have read first sessions often don’t go smoothly. After dinner we will go to the office to talk about everything on your mind. In here we keep it casual, alright?”

Bill sits down and snaps his fingers, “That’s fine with me.” A dish with a cracker and dab of caviar was placed in front on them. “You said you have expensive tastes.”

The cork on a five-thousand-dollar bottle of Screaming Eagle Cabernet Sauvignon 1992 was popped by the server. She handed it to Bill before going to get the next course of their meal. Bill poured the wine.

Bunny had never had caviar before. “I did say that, didn’t I?” She giggled. When she tasted the caviar, she tried her best not to show the reaction. It was not a pleasant taste in her opinion. But it was only a small bit of salty and fishy. Then it popped in her mouth which extenuated the taste. She thought she could smell it in her brain. She took a big gulp of wine to get the flavor out of her mouth.

“Thirsty?” Bill chuckled.

She smirked, “First time I tried caviar. I guess its like I have heard, it is a required taste. Great wine. Alex had shown me the wine cellar. I know this one is one of the better bottles in the family collection.”

Bill nods, “Its my favorite really so I don’t save it for a special occasion. I always keep some at our…” He looked down and took a deep breath. “Genna liked it also.”

“I know it is difficult right not, but you should think back on things like the wine with happiness not sadness.”  The server brought out a caprese salad for them and took the caviar dishes.  “There will be so much in your life that reminds you of her. I hope the memories are all happy ones.”

“Yeah,” Bill’s fork tassels around a cherry tomato. He doesn’t look up at her. “It hurts my chest to think of them right now. Maybe someday the memories can bring a smile to my face instead of sadness to my heart.”

“I know they will Bill,” She takes a bite of mozzarella and tomato. “Great salad choices. Why don’t you ask me questions? I will be encouraging you more in the office.”

Bills eats a bite before talking, “How long have you been a dancer?”

“I have been here since Alex opened the place.” She takes another bite. “I have been in dance classes since I was four. After I started taking a pole dancing class for fun, I saw this job opening and applied. It feels great to entertain people. To help them through their day much like helping people mentally as a psychiatrist in a way. Maybe I like the attention as long as no one tries to touch me. It probably stems from not getting enough attention when I was younger. I often self-analyze.” She laughed.

“So, you have middle child syndrome also?” Bill tops off their wine glasses and takes a sip. “I don’t really have an issue with it anymore, but I can relate to things seeming like you don’t get much attention because there are three siblings order and three younger.”

“No, I am an only child.” She sipped her wine as the server came out with filet mignon and baked potatoes. The server took the salad plates and left. “My Father died when I was four. My Mother was never an affectionate person like he was to me. At least I remember the feeling of him doting on me. I know my Mother tried but some people just can’t…she took care of my needs the best she could. I never went without basics, but I didn’t get the attention I was used to without him. 

Her boyfriends that came and went gave me the wrong attention starting when I was just ten years old. I didn’t know any better than to love being fawned over again until they hurt me, and she blamed me each and every time. I know it was not my fault. I know she just needed attention also. But it was still wrong of her to believe these men couldn’t control themselves because a young girl was tempting them.”

“Fucking pedophiles,” Bill grumbled. “I’m sorry that happened to you. But you don’t seem to be fucked up because that.”  

“I dealt with it all long ago,” Bunny finished her glass of wine. “To be honest I don’t think most men can control their urges.”

“That’s bullshit,” Bill spat. “Its some sicko that got people thinking that was true. I know all you told me is really personal about your past, but can I ask you something about your adult life?”

“Shoot, I think we can keep each others secrets.” The server brought them California cheesecake. “This is my favorite desert ever.” She licks her lips before savoring a bite slowly.    

Bill just stares a moment, “You ever been in a good relationship since all that shit. I mean I thought my brother fucked all the girls here at some point.”

“I can take care of myself just fine, thank you very much.” She sits up proud with a smile.

“Oh, I’m sure you can Bunny,” He let it go at that but thought it was a little sad she was not enjoying intimacy with the physical pleasure she might be giving herself.

They went to Alex’s office. Because of all Bunny told Bill about her past he felt comfortable opening up to her. She sat at the desk. He ended up laying on the lounge his legs bent over the edge with his feet touching the floor. A few times he watched how her legs crosses and looked away guiltily up at the ceiling. She bit her lip squirming in her seat a little as he discussed some of his best sexual experiences with Genna. It was her that told him it was good to remember some good memories.

“How are you feeling now Bill?” Bunny asked as they were wrapping up the session.

“My chest doesn’t feel so tight.” He sat up on the edge of the chair. “My chest still hurts but its more just from the bullet bruise not a mental pain.”

“That will probably hurt a few more weeks.” She got up and sat beside him. “You want to get together tomorrow night before or after I dance? We have a new group dance we have been practicing at my home studio. I need to go meet the girls there in half hour, but I think we are ready.”

Bill looked at her. His breath hitched. His lips felt dry, so he licked them and looked away before answering. “Yeah, how about after if you’re not too exhausted?”

She watched him closely maybe too closely as he licked his dry lips. Her heart fluttered. “I’m usually pretty hyper after actually. You going to come watch?”

Bill turn back to look in her eyes. With a whispery husky voice he said, “Yes.”

They were just staring at each other breathing a little heavily as Alex walked in the door, “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were still talking in here.” He grinned. “I’ll leave you to it.”

Bunny got up, “No Daddy. Were done for now. I have to go meet the girls to practice a new routine. I think your going to love it.” She giggled. “See you tomorrow night Bill.” She rushed off. Alex lifted his eyebrow, “So, you are getting along with Bunny better now?”

“Yeah, I feel a little better about things.” Bill stood so his big brother was looming over him so much. “How’s Gustaf?”

“Sam says he can’t go do any drops for the family for a while, but his fractured rib and bruising will heal.” Alex thought his little brother seemed a bit nervous. Maybe he did interrupt something. “Your seeing Bunny after her performance tomorrow night?”

“Yes,” Bill said defensively. “You wanted me to talk with her. We want to talk more after her performance.”

“I guess to damaged souls will drift together.”  Alex suggested. “Just be good to her. She’s been though a lot more shit than you can imagine.”

“She told me everything,” Bill stood right up to his brother. “We are just talking.”

“You know its ok to still need love Bill.” Alex already sensed something between Bunny and Bill before they even knew themselves. “Genna wouldn’t want you to go with love. She knows how much you love her.”

Bill got a lump in his throat, “that’s what Bunny said. I need a shower before turning in.”

Alex chuckled, “I bet you do.”

“Shut up,” Bill grumbled as he left the room.

The next day at work Bill could not get Bunny out his head. The way she walked, how she ate, and the calming affect she had on him when they talked. He could not wait to see her dance again as he replayed her last dance in his head. Her legs wrapping around him instead of the pole. Up over his should as she swung freely near his waist. Oh fuck, he thought to himself as he sat in his enclosed office with the window over-looking the city. His door was locked for the third time today as his hand attempted to gratify his needs. But he was craving so much more than he could give himself.

Bunny was not having it any better. She tossed and turned half the night. Thinking of Bill’s eyes, the way he would look at her and look away so quickly, the way he made her heart flutter in her chest. The way they almost…no, she shook head.  Even her favorite toy could not ease what was building inside her. She felt frustrated so she did what always helped her relax. She danced. She picked a new solo song and practiced until she could not stay awake. Sleep crept over her not waking her until mid-afternoon Saturday.

She went to the club at six. The first group performance would be at nine and her new solo that she worked on at three in the morning would be performed ten minutes after. She practiced the group dance with the girls several times before the bar was ready to open. They all seemed ready.

Alex came out to look over a few things, “Evening ladies.”

“Evening Daddy,” they all said drinking some bottles of water at the bar.

Bunny looked around anxiously while she drank her water.

“He will be here, Bunny,” Alex smiled.

“What? Who?” Bunny blushed.

“Bill doesn’t get off work until eight baby girl,” Alex thought it was adorable how she was fidgeting. “He called me this afternoon to make sure I told you he would be here because he said he would watch you dance.”

“Oh, alright,” She tried to act cool. “Its not a big deal or anything. Just a few new dances.”

Alex grins, “ I can’t wait to see ladies. Go on and get ready to mingle the door will be opening soon.”

They all said, “Yes, Daddy.” And scurried off to the dressing room.

After Bunny got into the pink shorts with a fluffy tail and a mid-drift bunny’s gentlemen’s club t-shirt she mingled with guest like the other girls. Bunny gave a few dances in a private rooms to a couple and a few guys. As she was heading for a costume change for the group dance she saw Bill grabbing a drink at the bar. She smiled not even realizing it.

Bunny and the girls take their places on the dark stage. Dark Horse by Katy Perry starts to play as the lights on stage go up. Bill watches Bunny as he nurses his drink. The crowd gives the girls a standing ovation . When they finish, they smile and bow before mingling again. All except for Bunny who goes towards the dressing rooms to get ready for her solo

She almost bumps right into Bill when he cuts her off, “That was amazing, Bunny.”

She looks up at him biting her lower lip, “Thanks Bill. I am going to change. I have a solo in ten minutes. But I’ll see you after?”

“Yes,” He moves out of her way so she can get through.

There is something that in the tone of his voice that sends chills through her body. She drinks a bottled water and calms getting back in her dance mindset. She needs to be focuses when she goes to do this.

 She comes out on stage. The spotlight shines on her. She is wearing a cloak and slowly takes the hood off during the beginning music interlude of Wicked Games. She walks to the back of the stage as the vocal start. Back towards the audience she reveals herself. Everyone voices their approval. Her black outfit showing plenty of skin as she starts to dance using the pole with extreme grace and balance.

Bill’s eye are wide and his mouth slightly agape.

Bunny pulls herself up the pull as the lyrics say, No I don’t wanna fall in love, She opens her legs holding the pole. She hangs upside down as the lyrics continue, with you. She slides down the pole upside down. This really excites the customers and Bill. What a wicked game you play to make me feel this way…the song continues as she works her way up the pole, around and does some impressive acrobatic work mid-air. She slunk off the stage to another pole in the center of the floor. Her body flies around it. She curls her legs around the pole spinning from the top. Her legs open wide as she spins.

As she is finishing the room is full of hooting and hollering but all she hears is Bill yell, “Bravo.”

She smiles and bows. Walks off towards the bar.

Bill meets her halfway. Takes her hands in his between them both, “I don’t either. How about we don’t fall in love together?”

“Yes,” she said breathlessly.

They make their way to a bedroom. He shuts and locks the door. “Don’t want my brother interrupting us.” Bill pushes Bunny up against the wall kissing her passionately. They take a breath as she pulls his black t-shirt off and unbuckles his belt. “Not rough ok?”

“Just slow and easy Bunny.” He moves her over to the bed laying her down as he kisses her neck. “You need to learn how good sex can be for you. You are so beautiful. So talented. So, smart.” He kiss her lips as he gets his pants and boxers down showing he is already hard. He tries to figure out how to get her outfit off. “Hey a little help? Not sure how get this sexy outfit off you.”

“Just untie the neck.” She said breathlessly, chest heaving. A pool between her legs wanting him. A new sensation for her.

He found where the tie was and undid it. The outfit practically fell off. He put her legs over his shoulder, “I love a tightly groomed pussy.” He went down.

She laid back closing her eyes, “Bill I never…Oh aww…”

“I figured no one ever went down on you since you said no one ever cared enough to make you come.” Bill licked his lips. “But you will always come first with me.” He goes back down. His tongue gliding over her slit. Then darting in and out of her hole tasting her deeply.

Bunny’s pleasure builds as he works her up. “Oh, shit I never, oh…felt like this, oh my … Bill.”

Bill looks up at her, “You can pull at my hair or tangle your fingers in it if you want. I like that.”

“Alright, just keep going,” Bunny begged. When his tongue hit her clit, it was all over. He sucked on it and she practically pulled his hair out when she came. “Yes,” she murmured as her hips pushed into his face with her orgasm. She was never very vocal.

Bill moved up over her. Her slickness making his face shiny. “How was that bunny? Can I give you another?”

All she got out was a faint, “yes”

He groaned low as he slowly pushed into her. She looked away laying still waiting for this part to be over.

“Hey Bunny, look at me.” Bill said concerned with her change in enthusiasm. “I can stop if you want.” He was serious but really did not want to stop. He moved slow and steady. Look at me and be in the moment with me. move how I see you move on stage.” He was sweating.

Bunny looked at him whimpering. She started to move with him. She did not want to speak. She thought he needed to get something out of this evening. Then he hit a spot inside no one had ever reached before. Her eyes flew open wide. She moaned in pleasure, “Bill right…Oh damn right there, Bill.”

Bill laced his finger through hers. “Good.” He went a bit harder, “Come for me Bunny. I know you are feeling this like I am, come for me and I’ll pull out.”

“I’m, Oh aww, birth control,” She tries telling him she is on birth control as her eyes roll to the back over head. Her second orgasm of the night rolling over her body in waves.

Bill hopes he understood her correctly. He continues until he cum with a groan of satisfaction. He slows brushing some sweaty out of Bunny’s face, “I told you sex could be good with two people. He laid beside her a moment before pulling her in close for comfort. “I have no problem with masturbation, but you have to admit this was so much better.”

“Yeah,” is all she could get out.

“Stay the night with me, alright,” He really enjoyed just holding her close. He hated sleeping alone.

All she could murmur was, “yes.”

#au bill skarsgard #bill skarsgard smut #bill and bunny #mobsters #strip club #dancers #gentemen's club #smut #original story #fantasy #fiction

[makeste]

BnHA 235: How Do I Turn This Flashback Off

Previously on BnHA: Re-Destro plucked off three of Tomura’s left fingers like flower petals and also destroyed one of his Emotional Support Hands in the process, prompting Tomura to have more flashbacks. We learned that AFO specifically gave Tomura the hands so that Tomura would never get over the trauma of the whole experience (like, he even told him this directly, wtf). We then got more flashbacks of Hana, as well as new flashbacks of Tomura’s mother and grandparents. Our boy then started to use his quirk on RD with only two fingers, which prompted RD to be all “wha?!” and let him go and finally realize that Tomura was going through a good old-fashioned shounen awakening process. Not wanting to be on the wrong end of this, he powered up himself and tried to finish Tomura off. But as he tried (and failed) to deliver a final blow, Gigantomachia finally came storming into town. At the same time, Tomura finally remembered everything (!!!) and got this really sad look on his face, and holy shit you guys the hype for this next chapter is real.

Today on BnHA: The tragic story of the Shimura family is finally revealed in all of its inevitably doomed glory. This chapter deserves an introduction from Lemony Snicket. This is not a fun time you guys. Baby Tenko was pure and idealistic and wanted nothing more than to be a hero just like All Might (and hey thanks Horikoshi, that was a nice heart I had once before you ripped it out and stabbed it 27 times here), and his father was a bitter and broken man harboring unresolved abandonment issues which he needlessly took out on his own children because humans are flawed and sometimes terrible. And we all know how the story ends, so if you happen to not have the stomach to watch terrified little boys being beaten by their parents, or cute little dogs getting hugged and then crumbled to dust offscreen, or if you don’t feel like getting faked out by Horikoshi half a dozen times because he’s a fucking troll who knows full well what he’s doing, might I suggest putting this chapter down and taking a stroll on over to the theater next door? It’s not too late to see a film about a happy little elf.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity immediately afterward, and added one or two ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

  YESSSSSSSSS

YOU GUYS, I HAVEN’T EVEN FUCKING CLICKED TO THE CHAPTER YET AND MY HYPE HAS ALREADY ASCENDED TO NEW UNPRECEDENTED HEIGHTS. DID I NOT SAY??

AND LO AND BEHOLD, MY GD MIND IS BEING LOST AS WE SPEAK OMG

anyways so yeah I fucking called this back in chapter 222, along with a zillion other people I’m sure. but still, feels good

and this officially makes Tenko the fourth character to receive an “origin” chapter now, after Deku (chapter 01), Shouto (chapter 39), and Katsuki (chapter 62). so that’s actually a pretty big deal! this whole thing just makes me really happy because I love seeing such a carefully planned character arc come together, and it’s so pleasing and gratifying to see the pieces falling into place exactly as they should. it’s like watching one of those “oddly satisfying” youtube compilations. this is the manga equivalent of this. god I can’t wait to watch it play out

anyway so here’s the color spread we were promised last week! awesome

look at all of these characters we haven’t seen in a couple months. it’s a testament to how thoroughly entertaining this arc has been that I haven’t missed class 1-A nearly as much as I would have expected. which isn’t to say I don’t miss them dearly! but it’s just, normally I’d be practically going through withdrawals if you took my favorite characters away for such a long time. and I mean, we cut away right when Kacchan and Shouto had finally gotten their hero licenses, and Deku was going through “AFO’S POWER!?!?” angst, and so forth! and then we just left them for almost half a fucking year! that’s insane!!

but like, the shocking thing to me is that I genuinely have been pretty cool with it. that’s how compelling this arc has been to me. it’s nothing at all like the Basement Arc where I was all but ready to start slapping posters of Bakugou’s face on the walls asking “HAVE YOU SEEN THIS CHILD?” like, I am sincerely shocked to tell you the truth. this arc could go on for another month or two and I probably wouldn’t mind, so long as the quality remained this high. and that’s the biggest compliment to Horikoshi that I can think of. good fucking job dude

that being said, I don’t think this arc will continue much longer, and it is awesome to see the 1-A kids again all the same, so let’s just take in this page real quick before finally getting on to the Tragic Tenko Memories action

I like how Bakugou and Deku have both incorporated elements from their hero costumes into their orange ensembles for no real reason. but they are literally the only two characters who have done this, so I feel it’s worth pointing out

speaking of things that are there for no real reason, Bakugou also has a string tied around his ankle just completely at random. someone want to tell me what’s up with this? should I start inspecting the other characters’ ankles to see if there is a matching one

Mineta looks super cute, there I said it. I’m sorry but it’s true. let’s just cut him out of the rest of the manga moving forward and only have him randomly hovering in the background every so often. Mineta you can’t fly so what are you even doing dude

All Might is just completely defying gravity. just standing on absolutely nothing at all at a 45-degree lean. everyone else who’s mid-air is at least in the process of jumping or landing. but not All Might, no ma’am. he just doesn’t give a fuck

I see you there Inasa. up there spreading joy. and lest you guys believe Seiji and Camie were left out, let me assure you they were not and they are actually chilling over on a bridge just below Bakugou’s mystery bracelet. so that’s nice and also I still ship them yep

Miruko is here which gives me hope we’ll be seeing more of her soon! yes please Horikoshi do this for me

Hawks has no right to look so bored when he so recently texted Dabi a picture of a backpack sitting on his front porch with the caption “your package from Amazon has been delivered.” you are the reason Best Jeanist isn’t in this cover spread, Hawks, so what do you have to say for yourself

Todoroki has the fondest fucking expression on his face, and if you follow his gaze I swear to god it’s landing on Bakugou of all fucking people which makes me believe that contrary to everyone’s initial expectations, he is the one who actually has the matching ankle bracelet. that’s right kids, it was TodoBaku all along, we’ve all been played. either that or he’s looking at Tokoyami. idk guys the whirlwind teenage romance drama continues

anyways I hope everyone is good and cheered by this page, because we’re about to step back into our bleak and violent villain narrative now so say goodbye

okay so the first page is basically just RD thinking about how he’s refined his “stress” ability since childhood and that it can’t be dodged easily, but Tomura still managed to do it

and then we’re cutting to Tomura’s face which has the same sort of weary shell-shocked expression we ended the last chapter on, and ffff you guys I’m not ready but here we go anyway I guess

hooooooly shit

that is some good dramatic imagery. can’t wait to see Viz’s version when it comes out; that last panel definitely deserves to be seen in its fully restored glory

but anyway, so! that’s the Papa Hand! he just took it out of his pocket! and now he’s just holding it and staring at it! SHIT’S ABOUT TO GET REAL HERE YOU GUYS. THE SHIT IS ABOUT TO BUST THROUGH THE WALL AND WATASHI GA KITA THIS BITCH

why does he look so happy oh god :’D this is about to fuck me up isn’t it

so he remembered all the details of the Shimura Massacre and now he’s thinking that he really is just a vicious killing machine? is that what it is? oh god Horikoshi just show us already I can’t take it

but first we’re cutting to Re-Destro posing villainously and looking for all the world like that demon from the “Night on Bald Mountain” segment in Fantasia. I don’t know if it’s intentional or not, but the art for RD these last couple chapters has been giving me a strong old-school Disney animation vibe. they came up with some scary stuff back in the day

Horikoshi really got us rooting for the guy who’s arguing for the destruction of the world. smdh. like I said, we’re being played

OH NO OH SHIT HERE WE GO

okay, without knowing anything at all about the context of this scene, I immediately suspect that this shadowy man tipping his hat toward Tenko and Mama Shimura might be All for One up to his bullshit but let’s see

(ETA: this is probably Mikkun and/or Tomo-chan’s dad actually. but I’m still watching you, mister.)

oh shit oh shit oh shit you guys aahhsdfhshah

SHIMURA KOTARO. THERE HE IS, AT LONG LAST. NANA’S SON OMGGGGG

HE LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE HER AND YET HE’S SO STERN AND UNFRIENDLY. WHERE IS THE TRADEMARK SHIMURA SMILE, OH GOD I’M NOT READY FOR THIS ANGST

let me guess, it was a “in this house we don’t speak the H-word” rule. with the four-letter h-word in this case not being what you might typically expect

also! black hair! so that’s also confirmed! so I guess it changed color due to his trauma? oh god

and you can see he’s got the little scratches which were hinted at in the previous chapter, but they’re not nearly as bad yet. I have to assume that habit got much worse also due to the trauma. oh god. again

I haven’t watched that new HBO show about Chernobyl yet, but I feel like this is kind of what it must be like? knowing full well that Very Bad Things are about to go down but not being able to do anything and having to just watch as it all plays out. shit

anyways yep. no h-word allowed

so he was five! one whole year older than I thought omg. my mistake

in other news guys, I’m currently researching how to build a machine that will let me enter a fictional two-dimensional world and then travel back in time in that world to rescue and adopt a small child who needs lots of hugs omfg anyway so if anyone wants to help me out I think it’s a worthwhile endeavor

...why did I laugh omg. Tenko why is your dad the most dramatic bitch

(ETA: in all seriousness I think we should investigate the possibility of the Shimuras being distantly related to the Todorokis.)

HIS ALLERGIES ARE ACTING UP DAD HAVE A FUCKING HEART

anyways it’s all good because Hana will go visit him and they’ll sneak into dad’s office and she’ll show him the picture of their grandma to cheer him up. and then I’m sure eventually his dad will see reason and they’ll sort out their issues and they’ll all live happily ever after. la la la

so now Grandma is suggesting that Kotaro has maybe been a little too harsh on Tenko lately. yes Grandma make him see reason please

also I’m really curious as to whether or not Grandma is Kotaro’s adopted mom, or Tenko’s maternal grandma. if she is the adopted mom I love her even more and that makes me even sadder about their deaths, because they took in this boy whose mother basically abandoned him and then later DIED HORRIBLY, and they did their best to raise him with love, only for AFO to come along and eventually murder the lot of them which is so fucked up I can’t even. they deserved better

Kotaro has such a jaded look in his eyes here that it’s hard for me to be mad at him at all even though he’s being a jerk dad

he’s had a really rough life. yes he’s being a jerk but he thinks he’s doing what’s best for his children though. fml why is this shit so complicated

okay this next page is kind of conflicting on the are-they-or-aren’t-they-his-adopted-parents thing sob

like on the one hand, he literally calls them mom and dad. but then two panels down Tomura says they’re his parents-in-law. so what is the truth. maybe it’s not him talking to them in that first panel? or maybe he’s just really tight with his in-laws idk

anyway so now we’re cutting to Tenko and his mom, and this is the sweetest thing ever and why are you doing this to me Horikoshi!?

FFFF OKAY BUT!!

BABY TENKO’S LIL TRAIN SET OMG SO CUTE. AND IS THAT A PLATE OF ONIGIRI ON THE TABLE. TENKO YOU MADE A MESS AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN FINISH IT, SUCH A TYPICAL FIVE-YEAR-OLD OMG

THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT KIND OF ALLERGY IT IS?? AND IT ONLY ACTS UP WHEN HE’S AT HOME. THIS IS SUSPICIOUS AS FUCK. WHAT KIND OF FOUL PLAY IS GOING ON. OR IS IT JUST STRESS?

MOM SECRETLY SUPPORTS HIS DREAM TO BE A HERO AND HE’S OPEN WITH HER ABOUT IT I CAN’T

MIKKUN AND TOMO-CHAN! OH MY GOD DID YOU GET INTO A FIGHT TO DEFEND YOUR FRIENDS AND THAT’S WHY YOU GOT INTO TROUBLE I FUCKING CAN’T HE WAS SUCH A GOOD BOY. HE REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF DEKU HERE HOLY SHIT

(ETA: they even look alike.)

cuuuuuuuuuuuute

OH MY GOD

SHIMURA TENKO WAS AN ALL MIGHT FAN CONFIRMED OMFG?!

you guys. that is a lot of emotions that just hit me all at once holy shit. where do I even begin

first of all this continues the pattern of “origin” chapters showing how the characters in question admired All Might when they were growing up. we’re 4 for 4 as of now. I love this

second, it just hit me like bam to learn that Tenko felt drawn to All Might, knowing how they’re actually connected. All Might doesn’t even know (yet) that Nana had a grandson, and Tenko has no idea that his childhood hero is actually his grandmother’s protege. and yet he still winds up admiring him even without that knowledge. pow right in the feels

and lastly, I wouldn’t have thought this whole situation could get any more fucked up, and yet Horikoshi still managed it! Tenko goes from looking up to All Might and wanting to be like him, to hating him and wanting nothing more than to hurt and destroy him. fucking ouch you guys. god but that one hurts

oh and also you better believe I immediately went to the wiki to see if there were any characters around Tomura’s age whose first names might believably be condensed to Mikkun or Tomo-chan. specifically, I went to Miruko first because I wasn’t sure if she was one of those characters whose hero name was similar to her actual name! but sadly her actual name is Rumi. so much for my “Miruko and Tomura were childhood friends” theory which lasted for all of two seconds but was a wild ride while it did

you guys baby Tenko has the chubbiest little boy legs lmao I love him so much oh god. and also on a more serious note this makes presentday!Tomura’s almost emaciated appearance all the more jarring. tack on yet another reason to hate AFO to the list. it’s getting to be a really long list

the parallels between him and Deku are off the fucking charts you guys. this is getting ridiculous. god I’m so weak for this kind of storytelling dfsldkjfk

don’t think I didn’t notice the enormous rack you went and gave Tenko’s mom, Horikoshi. but you know what I’m going to allow it because this is just so fucking good and also because for once he’s being pretty subtle about it all things considered

adult!Tomura’s narration is shockingly insightful here

like, he’s so in touch with his five-year-old emotions, and also his understanding of how this all affected him in hindsight. that’s a lot of self-awareness for a guy who only just remembered all of this like thirty seconds ago

doesn’t Tomura have like a 5/5 on the intelligence score according to the character book? for a longest time I was really skeptical about that, but the more I see of him in this arc the more I see that it’s not just talk

oh my goddddddddd

LOOK AT HIS FACE OH MY GOD. he’s fucking entranced. you can tell he’s instantly captivated by her

HORIKOSHI NO, WHY

GODFUCKINGDAMMIT I DIDN’T ASK FOR THIS YOU BASTARD

son of a bitch. well now I’m more subscribed than ever to the theory of Hana also surviving and being taken in by AFO in secret. she can’t be dead! she wanted to be a hero just like him! brother and sister heroes! Horikoshi I s2g if you really did kill her off I’m going to kick your ass. this is the exact spot where I’m drawing the line. this is how much angst you are allowed to have. right up to here and that’s it. the rest of the family can be dead, whatever, it’s sad and it’s fucked up, but don’t you dare touch Hana or I will...!!

and they promised. they made a brother-sister promise about what they were going to be when they grew up! and Tomura only just now remembered it! lord help me this boy is going to need all the therapy after this

OH NO

THAT DAY oh my god this is it strap yourselves in kids, we’re about to luge down this icy hill of Dead Family Feels and I don’t know how to fucking luge you guys

he’s so fucking happy. I’m so fucking stressed rn

oh GOD

TENKO DON’T MOVE!! DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING! OH GOD. HOW DO I TURN THIS FLASHBACK OFF THAT’S IT WE GOOD I’VE SEEN ENOUGH!!

LDSKFHHHH

KOTARO NO GO AWAY, EVEN IF YOU’VE BEEN A JERK DAD YOU DON’T DESERVE THIS AND TENKO DOESN’T DESERVE THIS, AND GOD, ALL FOR ONE CAN FUCKING BURN IN HELL, THIS IS SO FUCKED UP

AHHHHHH

OH GREAT THE WHOLE FUCKING FAMILY IS RIGHT THERE! JUST FUCKING PERFECT. THIS IS ALL GOING TO END SO FUCKING WELL I CAN’T

OH SHIT

KOTARO YOU’RE SUDDENLY CANCELLED YOU FUCKING DICK, BUT YOU STILL DIDN’T DESERVE TO DIE, BUT HOLY SHIT YOU SUCK!!! I DIDN’T ACTUALLY THINK YOU’D REALLY GO THROUGH WITH IT BUT I GUESS I WAS GIVING YOU TOO MUCH CREDIT YOU RAT BASTARD

I’M GLAD MAMA SHIMURA IS YELLING AT HIM NOW BUT I ALSO HAVE A TERRIBLE FEELING THAT HER RUNNING TO INTERVENE IS GOING TO SPARK A CHAIN REACTION, GIVEN WHAT’S ABOUT TO HAPPEN OH GOD

(ETA: or maybe I gave her too much credit. turns out there was no intervening to speak of.)

anyway so now Kotaro is yelling “that’s not your grandma!”, and I can’t decide if this is anger or something else on his face in this moment, which unbeknownst to him is one of the final moments of his life hahaha sob somebody help me how do I stop this ride

also Mon-chan keeps barking and I know that’s going to end really badly in just a moment as well ugh. it’s like those final few seconds after a grenade rolls into a room and everyone sees that the pin is missing and they know what’s about to happen but they can’t do anything to stop it. we’re all gonna die folks

oh no it actually was Something Else on his face oh fuck me

I’m fucking furious at Horikoshi right now for pulling this shit again and giving this scene so much complexity. there’s so much going on here that we’re never even going to get the chance to unpack because it’s all about to go to shit. and Kotaro is an absolute bastard, but he’s also a man who’s still reeling from the pain of being abandoned by his own mother and never came to terms with that. and yet that absolutely does not make this okay in the slightest, at all, and it’s abundantly clear that he is still very much the bad guy here and that what he’s doing is unforgivable. I just really like that he went and gave him this much depth despite him playing such a despicable role here. god BnHA is so good

anyway back to being devastated

HE LOOKS SO FUCKING TERRIFIED AND I’M SO MAD ABOUT EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW HE DIDN’T DESERVE THIS!!!

MOTHERFUCKER HERE IT COMES

[takes a deep breath and clicks to the next page!!]

hey what the

not the panel I was expecting with Tenko reaching out defensively and touching his father and accidentally turning him to ash while the rest of the family shrieks in fear and shock, but okay. I can’t say I was exactly looking forward to seeing that so I’ll take it!

oh Horikoshi. you see, this is exactly the type of shit I’m talking about

okay Kotaro, I can feel sorry for you in this moment and sympathize with the child-you who did not deserve that at all, and also feel yet more rage toward AFO for utterly destroying this family. but that doesn’t mean I don’t absolutely hate you at the same time for what you did to your son. it’s just like that. you had reasons but you’re still a dick. just BnHA character things

Horikoshi why oh my god

RIP SHIMURA FAMILY YOU DESERVED BETTER AND YOU WILL BE AVENGED!!

and yet all the same that does not make it right for you to take out your pain and frustration on your helpless five-year-old son! YOU FUCKED UP KOTARO. but this next page is still going to hurt oh god

[takes another deep breath!!]

oh okay we’re still drawing it out

-- holy shit, wait a sec. is this all taking place after? wait a fucking second

okay you guys holy shit, I just went back to the “house my father built” page and it is very clearly segueing into another flashback. like, in hindsight it’s obvious, but these aren’t actually Tenko’s memories any more. I think what happened was that Kotaro actually did hit Tenko another couple of times and then that was it, and then it cut back to this scene here which is actually taking place after that incident

which means Tenko’s memories were indeed tampered with then if my hunch is right!! let’s read on, but I’m pretty sure AFO is about to come along and murder the shit out of these folks, holy shit is this really happening?!

okay so Mama Shimura is telling Kotaro that she’s done following his rules

like, I’m glad she’s standing up for her children but I really wish she’d rip him a new one much more severely than this though

though he does seem genuinely regretful. but that’s hardly helpful now?? girl just take the kids and leave

oh no we’re cutting back to Tenko and he’s hugging Mon-chan out in the backyard and it’s nighttime now noooooooo

all right, for the third fucking time I’m going to take a deep fucking breath and turn the page holy shit you guys this chapter is taking years off my life

ffff ffff ffffffff

(((╹д╹;)))

(⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾ Д ⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾;;;)

(φ Д φ )

...well shit

parting thoughts:

I’m okay with this being the only bit they show and not getting any more detail. please for once don’t give us any more detail, Horikoshi, holy fuck

though if we don’t actually see anything, part of me is still going to suspect AFO of directly interfering right up until the end of the series. the whole thing just comes together too perfectly for him. there’s no fucking way

I still 100% believe he gave Tenko the quirk, too. especially now that we know he was quirkless until age five. we’ve previously established that if a child hasn’t evolved a quirk by that age it almost always means they’re quirkless for life. Horikoshi thinks he’s smooth trying to play it off like Tenko was a tragic late bloomer but WE KNOW THE TRUTH. I will go down with this theory damn it

I would say this is easily the single most fucked up thing we have seen in this series up to this point, but I see Horikoshi eyeing the upcoming Noumu plotline and the tragic tale of Tsubasa and his fucked up mad scientist grandpa and looking for somebody to hold his beer, so. I’ll just keep my mouth shut, I think

anyways this chapter was amazing and terrifying and I can’t wait to see how Tomura’s story moves forward from here. happy 5th anniversary of BnHA, y’all

#bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha 235 #shigaraki tomura #shimura nana #shimura kotaro #shimura hana #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #makeste reads bnha #this chapter had me jumping at my own shadow I swear #every new page I was expecting the worst #that is some masterful tension-build-up there #even re-reading it I was getting nervous again #anyways this recap is dedicated to mon-chan #rip mon-chan #forever best dog #you were the goodest boy and you deserved the world and horikoshi is a cruel cruel man

[wetalkinboutbooks]

An Ember in the Ashes by Sabaa Tahir

Summary: Laia is a slave. Elias is a soldier. Neither is free.

Under the Martial Empire, defiance is met with death. Those who do not vow their blood and bodies to the Emperor risk the execution of their loved ones and the destruction of all they hold dear.

It is in this brutal world, inspired by ancient Rome, that Laia lives with her grandparents and older brother. The family ekes out an existence in the Empire’s impoverished backstreets. They do not challenge the Empire. They’ve seen what happens to those who do.

But when Laia’s brother is arrested for treason, Laia is forced to make a decision. In exchange for help from rebels who promise to rescue her brother, she will risk her life to spy for them from within the Empire’s greatest military academy.

There, Laia meets Elias, the school’s finest soldier—and secretly, its most unwilling. Elias wants only to be free of the tyranny he’s being trained to enforce. He and Laia will soon realize that their destinies are intertwined—and that their choices will change the fate of the Empire itself. (Taken from Goodreads)

Our Ratings:  

 → Geena:  ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

 → Kae: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Overall: We genuinely love this book series so much that our brains recircuit talking about it... all we can do is say if you’re looking for good fantasy with amazing characters and plot... this is it!

Check out the spoiler full review below~

The Good:

→ The Worldbuilding 

Kae: Worldbuilding baybeeeeee. I LOVE IT. Reading this series was such an eye opener for me. It was so far from the usual European magic and broomsticks, that I NEEDED MORE. So I kept reading lol. The worldbuilding in this series is fantastic. There are Efrits, Jinn, magic, and more. This world is set in a Romanish Empire/Pakistani fusion of cultures. You have the Scholars are the lowest caste of people, the Tribes which is basically just a step up from ScholarS, but they are free. Then we have the Plebeians and the Martials. All of these cultures are so well written and developed that you have no trouble differentiating what culture certain characters might belong to just based on their name. Ex: Afyah, Ilyaas = Tribes; Darin, Laia, Izzy= Scholars; Markus=Pleb; Helene, Elias = Martials. All very easy to distinguish, I think. 

We also have some magical beings who are more or less immortal. The Jinn and Efrits, the Nightbringer, Shaeva, the Augurs. They’re all linked to a literal higher power. 

We also have The Waiting Place, which is basically purgatory. But it’s where the dead go to be escorted to the next life. 

Geena: I deserve no rights because I've always loved the whole roman empire history shit, it was always the most interesting shit to learn about so when I read the synopsis like roman inspired… written by a SA woman… i LOST MY SHIT!!! AND LIKE KAE DESCRIBED Sabaa does an amazing job of weaving in magical elements too, and ugh….. Her mind… BUT ALSO WHAT I LOVED IS, something a lot of fantasy authors do is fall into a hole of introducing race politics (aka RACISM) based on skin colour, but Sabaa was like… Wait Ik how to format this

Tired: Fantasy world skin-colour based racism

Wired: Fantasy world-class system based beef 

Sabaa tackles the issue of class systems and so on, and she did it all from scratch and I fucking loved it, it was gratifying to see an author who put so much effort into her worldbuilding. Also… this is v dumb… but the whole detail with sending messages using drums….. I was here for it 

→ Laia and Elias 

Kae: They’re wonderful and need a hug

Geena: Sabaa made an executive decision to write two whole cinnamon rolls and she did! COMPLEX cinnamon rolls that we love from the bottoms of our hearts. We start off with Laia’s perspective as she waits for her brother in her room, but shit hits the fan real quick and the Martial empire’s elite soldiers storm their small home searching for her brother. We learn that her brother, Darin, has got his hands on top secret info and if he doesn’t turn it over they’ll murder everyone. Darin and Laia try to make a run for it but are apprehended by a Mask (Essentially an elite soldier) and they’re forced to watch their grandparents die, Darin tells Laia to run and get out of there and our girl… our girl listens but she has mad ragrets. We follow Laia as she stumbles to the Resistance, an underground Scholar organization that has mad beef with the Martial empire. There she’s tasked with acting as a slave to hands down, the WORST person in the empire, Keris Veturia. All of this in the hopes that the Resistance will help save her brother who’s been imprisoned in the most brutal prison in the empire. 

What I love about Laia is that she’s not perfect, she’s not an amazing fighter and strategist off the bat… she’s an 18/19 year old girl from an oppressed group that has no idea what’s going on and her only skill set is that of a healer. BUT!!! Throughout the book we get to watch Laia make mistakes and learn from them, all of which makes her stronger and smarter. She’s so determined 🥺 even when Keris is carving her initials into Laia’s chest, even when she’s brought to the brink of death, Laia sticks with her goal to find Darin no matter the cost. Anyways.. We stan…. THOUGH TO BE HONEST, when I had started reading it, her first few chapters were frustrating to read because I was like “why would you do that1!!!” but then I set the book down at one moment and thought about how I’d act in the same situation and I was like….. I would’ve fucked up and been killed like 10 pages ago so Laia is doing really well LMAO… and since then I’ve been ready to fight for Laia whenever I see people shit on her.  

Kae: BOOM! So Geena summed up Laia’s character/situation perfectly. WE STAN LAIA OF SERRA. Now, we’re gonna talk about our brooding, handsome boy, Elias aka Ilyaas. Elias, is WILDLY the son of Keris. Keris had a lil boo thang back in the day and got preggers. She did everything she could to terminate the pregnancy, but nothing worked. So she was forced to give birth to him. She fucked off to the desert tribes for a while and learned how to deliver a baby, so she could deliver her own. When the time came, Keris gave birth to Elias. She cared for him for about five minutes before she was like “Yeah, I’m not with the shits. Fuck this kid.” And she left Elias in the desert near the tribes so he could be raised with them. Years later, Elias was chosen by the Martials to attend Blackcliff. Blackcliffe is a school where the Martials train to become the most elite soldiers in this world. Elias trains and trains and is ultimately the top of his class. At a certain age, the students are given silver mask that will eventually completely fuse to their face. Elias hates his mask. He takes it off every night, so it still hasn’t fused to his face like the rest of his class. Elias also hates Blackcliffe and was planning on being a deserter. He had a bag packed and was fully prepared to leave. He was sad to leave his best friend and confidant, Helene, but he was RET TA GO. That is, until he was selected to compete in the Trials that would change his world forever. These trials are to select who is to rule the Empire. He gets this news, when Laia, Keris’s slave is sent to retrieve him. When he meets Laia, he is instantly smitten. He forgets himself, is smiling, shooting the breeze, asking her names, etc. Then realizes, he could get her in trouble just for being nice to her. So they move along. 

Elias is a very sweet boy who just got caught up in a lot of shit with the trails. Every day he spends at Blackcliffe is another day he hates himself. The kid (well he’s like 20), is just straight up MISERABLE. These trials are to rest his mind, power, and strength and all the usual. The last two winners in the end will be the ruler and the Blood Shrike, aka advisor. This is almost a good thing, because Elias is competing with Helene and if they both win, they can both rule. Things are going pretty well for them. They’re winning, it’s looking good. But then, Elias has to go against Helene and they both have to lead a small armada against one another. It’s either kill or be killed. In the end, he has to go against Helene . In the end, he and Helene reluctantly battle it TF OUT. Elias wins because Helene had to forfeit because she was wearing some magical armor that couldn’t be penetrated. Elias feels HORRIBLE. His friends are dead. He ALMOST killed his best friend. He feels ashamed and like a monster. If he hadn’t hated himself before (which he totally die), he SURELY hates himself now. Laia is then sent to his chambers/rooms as his prize. He’s meant to sleep with her, but he hates himself too much and he doesn’t want to take advantage of her. So they just talk and end up sharing a little smoochy smooch. But uh, ya boy is lowkey SPRUNG cause Laia is cute and she got them CHILD BIRTHING HIPS.

Geena: Kae got that *Chef’s kiss* Elias/Ilyaas summary I s2g. I loved Elias because he was honest to god such a refreshing character to read. Like he seems like the typical YA boy → Tall, dark, handsome, and brooding. BUT!!! He’s so different and in the best way possible. FIRST OFF!!! He actually has such a fulfilling childhood (no sad backstory other than learning his mom is an actual piece of shit rip…. More like sad present story). Secondly, he recognizes that what he’s doing is wrong and the way the Martials terrorize Scholar’s is garbage and he wants no part of it. THIRD, he doesn’t like to push his own trauma on those around him? IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT WELL, but like he’s such an upstanding guy that treats people well no matter what? Also… he’s lowkey a dumbass… like Kae mentioned when he first met Laia his brain hit a reset and he was essentially like “Me name potato.” We love a hot dumb jock that chugs that respecting women juice. 

Kae: OMG HE’S A TALL, THINNER ALTAIR MINUS DICK JOKES. HE’S NASIR AND ALTAIR IN ONE.  ASDFGHJKL 

Geena: YEEEEAASSSSS (check out that review here). ALSO MY final thots on Laia and Elias that as a duo they’re amazing! Laia gives Elias advice when they’re stuck in his room together 🤪 and he finally chooses that he’ll do what HE wants and not what the empire wants. Elias, in turn, vows to help find and save Darin…. I love them sm they bring the best out of each other 😭 

→ Izzy ft. Helene’s One Singular Good Person Moment

Kae: IZZY! Izzy is the epitome is sugar, spice, and everything nice. Well, minus the spice because she’s really just a sweet little sugar plum. Izzy is also Keris’ slave. She’s around the same age as Laia if not a year or two younger. She’s very quiet and tries to keep to herself. But she finds herself secretly being friends with Laia and helping her when things are the absolute worst. When Keris carved her initials into Laia’s chest, Laia got really sick. Our girl had a crazy fever and Izzy was there to help her through it. Well, she got Elias and he got some herbs and shit, BUT IZZY HELPED. Though Izzy has been a slave her entire life, she has always wanted to be free of Blackcliffe and all of its horrors. So she works with Laia, sneaking out, and sometimes stealing, to make sure that can happen for the both of them. I should also mention that Keris took Izzy’s eye as a child. So Izzy is a small, skinny, fragile, one eyed sweetie. But all of her hardship doesn’t stop her from being such a genuinely good person. 

Geena: Izzy is such a sweet character who tries her best to not be friends with Laia, but people GRAVITATE to Laia (good and bad rip) so she didn’t hold out very long. My favourite scene with them was when they sneak out to participate in some yearly festival that is ~~illegal~~ such a sweet moment I lowkey died.  Moving on to Helene though, the poster child of brainwashed, patriotic, eating-propaganda-for-breakfast, and the second best Mask after Elias. Helene is also shown to have feelings for Elias so when Laia shows up she’s not pleased at all! And Elias himself is confused about his feelings and rip when he was like “Let me try to kiss Helene and see if I like her too” LIKE BOY…. DON’T PLAY HER LIKE THAT PLS…. BUT he doesn’t bc Laia is ATTACKED thus interrupting their moment and Helene is annoyed like “OFC IT’D BE THAT BINCH!!!” like Helene the poor girl was attacked by another walking bag of shit o my god… BUT!!! Near the end of the book when Elias and Laia are escaping Helene is the first one to catch them, but she lets them go! A turning point for her character maybe? Though I know for a fact she didn’t care about Laia, but was doing it bc she still cared for Elias and didn’t want to see him slaughtered no matter how much she’s a ride-or-die for the Martials. 

The Bad :  

→ The Scholar Resistance 

Kae: Is that what they were called? Because they HIGHKEY played tf out of Laia. Alright. The Resistance. They’re mean and I HATE THEM. The Resistance is a rebel movement by a few Scholars who are fighting for the freedom and equality or their people. Laia’s parents were like, the biggest, most badass leaders who have ever lead them. But after they died, things kind of fell apart for The Resistance. Laia, stumbles into their hideout after she runs away from home, after her brother was kidnapped and her grandparents were killed. She begs for them to help her and they’re basically like “Mmmm. No. But you look familiar tho… Who ya momma nem?” and she’s like “lol yeah actually my parents used to run this shit so help me.” And they help her… Kind of… They basically send her ona  dummy mission. A SUICIDE MISSION to be the Commandant’s slave (Keris), to gather information about the Martials and their next plan. In return, they were to help free Darin. Laia was to gather info, then meet with Keenan (a boy in the Resistance) to give over said info every week. Well, they also chose not to tell Laia that she was basically on this mission for nothing. They had no real way to get Darin out of the prison he was being held at. They were really just sending her to die because they KNEW Keris was ruthless and that none of her slaves lasted more than a few months before they were killed or killed themselves. Long story short, FUCK The Resistance. They’re bitches and we HATE THEM. 

Geena: Kae’s right… the Resistance is a bunch of wrinkly ass losers that can kiss our asses. When it was revealed that the Resistance didn’t know SHIT about Darin and were just fucking with Laia…. I was ready to to go down to this place and fight them mySELF. Laia risked EVERYTHING to get them information, she survived for god knows how long under Keris and when she couldn’t come up with something substantial they’d be like “Oh well you’re fucking useless” as if she’s not the daughter of the Lioness aka the most fierce Resistance leader that they ever had. Also, Keenan (....) comes through in the end and offers her a way to break her slave cuffs and escape, but Laia decides that Izzy deserves that more than she does and that Laia would find her own way out… But also imagine the betrayal that Laia felt, the people that were supposed to keep her safe and help her were just screwing her over the whole time. But… despite everything that happens Laia is still her sweet self? Just like Ilyaas… both manage to maintain their humanity no matter the shit thrown at them. 

The Ugly:  

→ Keris’ tiny little mean ass 

Kae: Geena said that shit, baybeeee! Ugh, her MIIIIND. Alright. Now. Let’s talk about “The Bitch of Blackcliffe”. This woman. Evil, vile woman, is basically a 5’3, blonde hair demon. She has absolutely no patience. If you sneeze in the same room as her she’ll probs slit your throat and make a disgusted, disappointed face at you while doing it. She will tolerate NOTHING. You will not speak to her unless spoken to. I mean, this is a woman who wanted to look like so much of a badass that she thought being pregnant and delivering her own baby in a cave alone would make her look weak. I think that was actually pretty tough of her though because whew… I couldn’t do it.

Geena: She got back to her neanderthal roots

Kae: LMAOOO GIRL IM DEAD.But like,  in her youth, Keris went to Blackcliffe. As we heard from her father at some point, Keris was miserable there. She was taunted, picked on, and beat up (mind you she was the only girl at that school so that’s fucked up). She had absolutely no friends and had to fend for herself. So, to make up for it, Keris became ruthless. She became a heartless woman because people made her that way. I hate to be that person, but like, I get it? I can see why someone would become so coldhearted. She did not have a good life. Her mother died when she was young, her father wasn’t there, and she had no friends. I’m not surprised at all that she turned out to be such a horrible person as an adult. No, I’m not giving he an excuse. She had the option to be a good person and she didn’t choose that. But, yeah. That’s my take on her evil ass.  WHEW. OKAY DO YA THANG. 

Geena: TRUE, Kae’s right, Keris had that sad :( childhood :( but at the same time, it’s like… you didn’t have to continue being a dick like people were to you but here we are. Also, she’s genuinely such a terrible person and orchestrates the genocide of the Scholars and is a BITCH about everything. What I realize now is that…. She’s essentially Elias’s foil? Like neither had a solid father figure, both had a tough time growing up (with Elias missing his tribal home and being forced to murder, and Keris being bullied), but Elias does his best to break out of that cycle but Keris is like… *slurps up the shitty Martial mudwater*... she is the bootlicker supreme who finds joy at having her son beheaded (Helene is Bootlicker Lite because at least she let Elias live whereas Keris tried her best to get him killed) BUT JOKES ON THAT BITCH BC ELIAS LIVES!!!!  Elias would send Keris a crude drawing of himself like “I lived bitch!” 

Anyways, she’s an extremely well-written villain else we wouldn’t hate her so much lmao…

Conclusion 

Kae: In conclusion, we fuck with it. I loved this series so much, I read the first three books in one week and was heartbroken to find out that the fourth book wasn’t out yet. YA GIRL IS ATTACHED TO THESE CHARACTERS, OKAY!???? An Ember in the Ashes is a wonderful, extremely well written book. I think Sabaa is a literal genuis. This book made me fall in love with reading all over again. I think the characters are so individually different, it’s amazing. They are well distinguished and independent of each other. They are strong and sweet and funny and evil. Just all around AMAZING as well as the folklore, stories, and cultures that are presented to the audience. 

Geena: yyyeeeaaaass the care that Sabaa Tahir put into this book, ranging from how each character is written to the intricate worldbuilding got a bitch tearing up, BECAUSE ONE DAY I WISH TO WRITE THIS WELL!! An Ember in the Ashes draws you in from the first page, and I litcherally say this for every book we’ve reviewed but there’s NEVER a dull moment (I need a new phrase lmao) you are constantly stressed reading this book (in a good way) and there’s like 2 more books after… and the last book in the series on the way. BLEASE READ Ember, because Kae and I have spent our whole time talking SCREECHING about this book. THINKING ABOUT IT, WITHOUT EMBER WE WOULDN’T HAVE THIS BLOG LMAOOO  

Kae: OKAY BUT LIKE. LITERALLY. WE STARTED TALKING AND BECAME REAL GOOD FRIENDS BECAUSE OF THIS BOOK. LIKE, WITHOUT EMBER, THIS WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED. SO THANKS, SABAA. 

Geena: WE LOVE YOU, SABAA!!

Kae: And I guess that concludes today’s book rant/review! I hope you all enjoy our ramblings and more! 

#an ember in the ashes #sabaa tahir #aeita #book review #booklr #bookworms #book blog #book blogger #book blogging #bookblr #Laia of Serra #Elias Veturius #books #reading #wetalkinboutbooks

[gothsic]

☼ - and so... MARIE appears. - @citialiin​​, what will you choose?

perhaps some of you will be surprised to see her face, when she has not been given a chance to speak yet. but why should she, when the truth was that she was quite far away from the situation at hand? yes. she really did want to separate herself from him, but the more she tried, the more impossible it became. somehow, he found ways to sneak into her life - crawl into the spaces that were left behind, growing dusty from neglect.

allow ourselves an intermission from your regularly scheduled despair to get a look into the mind of one annette kaye, whose past as marie samson is one that you are all likely familiar with already. but the trouble is that annie was, quite unfortunately, never allowed to be given a chance away from the rather catastrophic existence that was jonathan vastielle. in a way, she was never going to escape the past - it was always there, ready and willing to catch up with her. and my, what fast feet it had! but perhaps the answer was not to run away, but to acknowledge that it happened, and simply move forward.

it was a shame then, that jonathan had approached her that fateful night - not the one you might all know, but one after a particular incident had happened. and yes, she had been watching from the sidelines; though she wanted nothing to do with him, there was something gratifying about watching him fall from grace. regardless, she maintained her distance; not answered a word he said, not bothered to acknowledge him wherever she might have seen him in the real world ( and yes, he had a troubling way of making his presence known ). but, in a disconcerting twist of events, he had made himself known to her with a crazed grab of her arm as she took the first step up her doorway and tried her best to evade him. she was not going to let him, no, not this time. he could sink back into the misery from whence he came! but, alas, those bloodshot eyes, that quivering lip, all of it begot the phrase he uttered next; shakily so:

“ help me, just... i can’t do this anymore! don’t let me fuck up again... please. “

how uncharacteristic of him. how out of character. that desperate plea, enough to rattle the mind of anyone who heard it, especially disturbed annie that night. was he out of his mind, approaching her there? so obvious? she could have easily called the cops on him, and yet he had still risked it. perhaps it was the alcohol on his breath ( he reeked that night, she recalled with a grimace and turn of her nose ) that gave away the extent of his recklessness. yes. that must have been it. something must have disturbed him enough to resort to this, the escape.

ziggy stardust. that was the key in this puzzle - and across from him she sat in the present. how did it come to be like this, in the middle of this fancy dining room with the candles set out in front of them and her face made-up, hair done, and little black dress that went to her ankles worn due to the restaurant’s dress code? the answer was both simple and complicated, and really did send her often self-conscious mind in a bit of a whirl.

that night, she had humored him, watched him break down in front of her. it truly was a pathetic sight, but also not quite unlike watching a puppy wander lost through the pouring rain, unable to find shelter. he truly did look as though he had no other recourse than to turn to her, the one whom he had treated as his personal therapist for so long. true, part of her fumed that she had even bothered to listen to his drunken ramblings of his monstrousness, his self-imposed isolation, and god knew what else. all she knew by the time he had wiped away at his tear-stained cheeks was the unusual amalgam of varying emotions filling her heart, making her chest hurt: anger, exhaustion, but above all else... sadness. sadness for him, really. he truly was a lost cause. it seemed as though that flamboyant musician really had gotten under his skin, just as she had. and yet... what had she said?

“ if you think you fucked up so badly, just go talk to him. “

however, she doubted that jonathan would even do such a thing in the first place. still, he had come to her, had he not? truthfully, the entire situation was so strange that she, too, found herself getting wrapped up in the entire farce that was being put on display before her very eyes. jonathan... liking someone enough and feeling desperately lonely enough to regret how terribly he treated them? surely, the sky was falling, she thought at the time. the devastation that was present in her eyes had made the situation all the more uncomfortable.

and perhaps that was why she tracked the musician down directly, making sure to grab his attention as best she could.

“ i don’t want an autograph. ...it’s about jonathan vastielle; the guy whose artwork you were supposed to use? just hear me out. “

what was she doing? did she not vow to leave jonathan behind in the quicksand in which he continued to sink? maybe so, and still, she was keeping true to that promise. who knew how many times jonathan was going to come to her home, keep pestering her, make it so that she would have to file a restraining order against him ( though that may not have stopped him in this state ). it was best, she had decided, to get things to a stable end - and perhaps she held some responsibility in the matter. after all, she was marie samson. he had involved her, and she had gotten entangled in his affairs all those years ago.

she really did pity him. that breakdown of his... was there a chance? truly a chance that he could improve? become something better than what he currently was? that sadness and hopelessness in his eyes were not the eyes of the monster who had toyed with her emotions and yet become so ravenous for her. no. it was something else. something... truer to the self that lay trapped behind the wall with its many bricks and foundations, not haphazardly maintained.

a little boy, crying for the chance he never had to truly be good.

“ um, look. “ she paused, brushing a strand of her away from her ear. “ i really did mean what i said earlier. i wanted to talk to you about this because, i think, anyway, that he’s... he’s a complicated case. i would know. i mean, i’ve said that already, but... “

nervously, her fingers toyed with the bridge of her glasses, adjusting them against her nose - pushing them up, though there was no need for adjustment. it was strange, surreal, actually, finally getting a chance to talk for the first time. really talk. sure, she had been honest with him before about the nature of jonathan’s disease ( not any specific, textbook disease, but his entire being ought to have been compared to a rotting corpse - the stench would fill up the lives of any who associated with him, but... ). and yet still, she was here, trying to convince him of something... well, maybe completely mad.

“ he hurt me. yeah. he did; i’ll never forgive him for that, and i’m sure all his past relationships, platonic and romantic won’t forgive him either, but... i don’t know. what he did that night was unlike anything he’d ever done before. it was just... “ a pause, as her gaze glossed over - becoming distant. she stared idly at the flame flickering from the candle, ziggy’s form becoming blurred against its warm light. “ i think he meant it. i don’t think he would’ve come to me so out of character if he didn’t, well... if he didn’t feel so hopeless. i’m just here as an emissary, or... i don’t fucking know, some missionary for the cause of repairing whatever your friendship was. he... i guess he misses you. it’s weird to you, maybe. to me too - he never really says he misses anyone. well... except for me, i guess. that’s why this is so weird. “

she let loose a soft sigh, and managed to glance at him again. he really was an unusual character - so made-up. why jonathan even liked the guy was beyond her ( well, she found him amusing and entertaining, even enjoyed - and owned - some of his music, but he definitely was not jonathan’s usual type ).

“ call this an olive branch. i’m not saying forgive him, but... i dunno. he’s trying. he’s... attempting. i guess that’s better than fucking feeling sorry for himself like he used to. i mean, he’s still there, whining about what a piece of shit he is and being complacent in that fact, but it could be much worse. trust me. it could. “

she scratched the back of the neck, allowing herself a moment to attune her senses the sounds of gentle, humming chatter from the los angeles elite and the equally muted classical piece being played live in the back of the room. clinking of forks, of spoons, of knives... nobody could know the stakes of the conversation at hand.

“ call me a bleeding heart. he’s a fucking mess, but he needs a translator to function, so... here i am. ask me whatever you want about him, and i’ll try to answer. lord knows he needs an actual friend - i mean, you seem willing to deal with him again. that’ll help his case. assuming you two get along again, hopefully that gets him the hell away from me too. “

“ ...so, basically what i’m saying is, if you choose to hear him out, assuming he does, then... just don’t tell him i’m around. i’d rather just fade into obscurity. this is probably the stupidest shit i could possibly do, but... i see the stupid repressed child in him wanting a release, i guess. it deserves to get some respite, even if he’s honestly satan incarnate to a degree. “

#citialiin #I. MY CURRENT MOOD? ASK ME IN ANOTHER 100 YEARS. - MAIN. #V. TIME FOR AN INTERMISSION. - ANNIE KAYE. #( yea surprsie surprise........ npc time. nyoom ) #(m y blog my rules ) #( literally all i had energy for tonight was this for u bc i lu ) #( also to those who see this besides basil - annie is only appearing bc this was extensively plotted out ) #( i wont rp her on her own blog bc i dont think she needs her own blog ) #( unless ppl do wanna interact w her ) #( but i think she needs to be fleshed out more ) #( anyways LMAO ) #( THIS IS FOR U BASIL IM SRRY FOR RAMBLING ) #( puts this in main bc annie is just... in the same Verse. ) #( u kno. )

[hazkiwislutt]

{prologue: chasing love series}

{ hi friends, it’s athena and this is the prologue to a series i’m writing. basically, it has a famous female character who is younger than Harry, but it’s set a few years in the future, like... Harry is going to be 29 and the mc is going to be 21 when they first meet (pls don’t shoot me) so that it fits in with some of the plot. i hope you like it, because if i do it right, this story is supposed to pull on all sorts of heartstrings and throw a bunch of curveballs at you! }

She was only twenty-one when they’d first met, old enough so that he didn’t feel bad taking a liking to her, but young enough that people would talk and make him feel bad about taking a liking to her. He’d met her at a party that Niall had thrown, and he hadn’t wanted to go, but he was a people-pleaser, and so that’s where he’d found himself that one Saturday night after he’d gotten off the plane from Japan. He’d arrived, and Niall had instantly whisked him away to the kitchen because he was just “dying fo’ yeh t’meet someone tha’ yeh’d like.” 

Niall had nudged the kitchen door open, and to Harry’s surprise, she was standing over the sink, back facing toward him and Niall, chugging a bottle of Belvedere as if it were ice water at three in the morning on a Wednesday night after a really intense sleep. She finished it cleanly, not stopping even once as she demolished the bottle, and Harry grimaced, wondering how long it would be until the alcohol hit her like a freight train.

She was wearing a pair of CareBear pajama pants that flopped over her bare feat and a faded university sweatshirt that had an insane amount of holes littered across its expansion.  

“I asked you to bring something stronger, not someone. I’ve gotta be absolutely blackout drunk if I’m gonna get through tonight, Niall.” She hadn’t turned around, and the sound of her voice acknowledging their presences startled Harry. 

“Yeh not actually hung up on this bloke, are yeh? Yeh don’ need him!” Niall’s eyes widened and he lunged forward to seize her shoulders, spinning her to face him, to which she reacted with a bored shrug. 

As he gazed at her side profile, Harry realized he knew this girl. She was relatively new on the music scene, but one big hit a year ago skyrocketed her to fame. Harry could admit he’d watched her in multiple interviews (and was also able to admit that she seemed intelligent, funny, and terribly captivating) and listened to a few of her songs (which were all crafted beautifully, and he even kept two of them on his shower playlist). He’d learned she was studying at a university when she’d released her song, and that her favorite juice was cranberry, and that she loved reptiles more than animals with fur, but he couldn’t for the life of him remember her name.  

“I don’t know, Ni. It’s not like I want to be hung up on him, anyway, but the heart does weird shit. Anyways, what’s a girl gotta do to get some stronger liquor from her incredibly dashing Irish friend?” She put up her hands in a duo of finger guns, shaking them at Niall and grinning madly. Her smile was pretty, Harry decided. 

“Hate t’be tha’ guy, but yeh not gettin’ anything from me. Yeh had enough to knock yeh into next week. Enough of tha’ now, this is my mate.” Niall gestured to Harry, raising his eyebrow to prompt him to introduce himself. 

“M’Harry. S’nice to meet yeh.” He stepped out and outstretched his hand to shake hers, and nearly grunted in surprise as she grasped his and shook it tighter than he’d expected. 

“Y/N.” She returned simply, but warmly with a large smile. Harry didn’t miss the way she was staring at his eyes with an intensely measured gaze. He was impressed and a bit put off by her unabashed confidence in doing so, having always been the person that did the speculating when meeting someone new, and it was both interesting and refreshing to meet someone that delivered the same energy. 

“M’gonna go check on the other guests, but yeh better swear t’me tha’ yeh not gonna leave or do anythin’ stupid,” Niall scolded her with a stern eye, “an’ I mean really, Y/N. Seriously. Wanted Harry t’meet yeh ‘cause I remember yeh said yeh like him, an’ maybe it’d do yeh good t’make new friends.” He slipped out of the kitchen once more, leaving Harry alone with this new girl and her CareBear pajamas. 

“I’d say yeh’ve got a nice grip, but s’a hell of a lot more than tha’, innit? Felt like Donald Trump himself was trying t’rip my arm off.” Harry grinned as he heard her erupt in loud giggles as she hopped up onto the counter alongside the bottle that had long been empty, swinging her feet gently against the cabinets beneath her. He decided her laugh was pretty, too, and it was one of the nicest laughs he’d ever heard in his life, and that he’d love to make her laugh all the time if that was his reward.

“That was a good one,” she hummed thoughtfully, “Sorry, though, if I actually hurt your hand. I was thinking really hard, like, should I gently shake your hand or what? ‘Cause you seem like a firm grip with a gentle twist kind of guy, and my brain couldn’t decide, so I just squeezed.” 

“S’just a handshake, not a blood oath, love.” Harry smirked and she released another round of soft giggles before she quieted down completely. Before Harry could panic about an awkward lull in conversation and scramble for a topic of discussion, she reached out for his shoulder and grasped it.

“Hey, I’m sorry, but I’m about to be really fucking buzzed soon. I probably looked insane downing that entire bottle, so I’m apologizing now for the things I’ll inevitably do or say.” She shrugged at him sheepishly before pulling her hand away and returning her focus to her legs that were still swinging. She looked small, swaddled in her ratty sweatshirt and feet dangling so high off the ground from where she sat, and Harry was overcome and overwhelmed by a feeling of endearment as he stared at her. 

“S’alright, ‘ve been there quite a few times. F’yeh want, we could talk about it.” He genuinely meant it. There was never a time where Harry didn’t want to not help, but he especially wanted to help her get her mind off things with conversation, which seemed to be a better alternative than consuming anymore alcohol. She was young, younger than him certainly, but not childish, and he was consumed by an odd wave of protectiveness as he watched her. 

“Maybe later I’ll give you the whole run down.” She stopped, and a beat of silence passed before she continued, “I really like your music, by the way. I’ve been a fan since like... way before all this happened to me, and you helped me through a lot. I swear, I was like the biggest Directioner. I’ve still got your posters up in my room back home. Sorry if that’s weird to say, but I mean, it’s kinda cool to be sitting in front of you after staring at you on paper for so long. That sounds fuckin’ creepy, too. Christ, I’m sorry, I’m really not helping my case, am I?” 

Harry laughed as she talked, listening to her switch inflections at the beginning of nearly every sentence, as if she were talking to someone new every time. He was gratified and extremely moved by the reverential tone she used as she thanked him, never experiencing someone so in awe and grateful in his life for things he hadn’t directly done. 

“S’not creepy. I performed with Stevie Nicks, an’ I nearly pissed m’pants, so I get it. M’also a fan of yeh’re music, ‘ve even got two of yeh songs on m’shower playlist.” Harry watched as she blinked in surprise (very cutely, he might add) and bashfully smiled at her lap. 

“Thank you, really, that means a lot to me. It was all so surreal... You know, I was going to be a journalist before all of this happened. I was double-majoring, but I’d always wanted to do music. In college, I was in such a bad place, and then, I released the song, got snatched up by a producer, and now here I am, talking to Harry Styles.” She scooted higher up onto the counter and dropped her head back against the wall, closing her eyes, as if reliving everything she’d just divulged. 

“I know how tha’ feels, too. S’the craziest thing, waking up, an’ realizing yeh life will never be the same again.” Harry leaned against the side of the counter, finding himself sucked into a whirlwind of memories as he fondly remembered his rise to fame. It was silent, save for the obvious noises of the party floating through the rest of the house, but it was comfortable, as if they’d both understood they needed that moment. 

“Harry,” she’d said suddenly, sitting up quickly and fumbling to grab his shoulder, eyes a bit hazy and unfocused. He’d grasped her hand where it lay on him, and squeezed it reassuringly, giving her a small smile. 

“Want to hear about my troubles before I throw them up in this sink?” He laughed once more at her bluntness, and nodded encouragingly. 

“G’on then, love. Let’s hear it.” 

He’d barely finished his sentence before she was off and running, words slurred together and hand warm on his shoulder, telling the story of a “stupid boy with ratty hair, but damn it it was so nice to yank on”, who she’d had a fling with in her senior year of high school that moved away to “some random ass country, think it was fuckin’ Australia” and did a bunch of god-awful things that pulled her heartstrings all the wrong ways, and suddenly happened to swing back into her life, demanding that they pick up where they’d left off and talk about the semantics of their relationship, just as she’d finally “gotten my balls in order and wanted to move on, the asshole.” Tonight, he gave her the option of meeting him over dinner, or “’saying goodbye to us forever’, like, come on, who even says that?”. She’d declined, and this is where Harry had arrived to watch her resort to chugging Belvedere. 

By the time she’d finished, her voice was quiet and tinged with a bit of frustration. Harry was sure he’d felt these things before, and he dare he admit it, he probably inflicted these feelings before. 

“I’m so tired of being sad. It’s exhausting. I just want to be able to be happy, by myself again, so that maybe I can share that happiness with someone else in the future.” Her voice was low, and her eyes were drooping with the weight of her dilemma, and the burden of the alcohol that was no doubt running through her veins at this point. 

She looked exhausted, not in a bad way, but in a way that showed the internal battle she’d been fighting in her heart. Harry felt bad, even a bit sad, that someone like her should have to endure someone else’s faults. She was a beautiful girl, with wit that was more surprising than shocking, and an air around her that drew him in. 

“S’not worth it, yeh know,” Harry rushed the words out before he could stop them, “an’ he didn’t deserve to have someone like yeh care about him. Niall’s right, an’ I know I jus’ met yeh, but I think yeh’re just lovely, an’ things will work out for yeh eventually. Swear on it.”

She’d looked at him with large eyes that held a mixture of inebriation and sadness, but above all, gratitude as she soaked in his words. Harry opened his arms a bit, as if tentatively asking if she’d like to be enveloped in them, and Y/N didn’t need any other invitation. She scooted to the end of the counter and burrowed into Harry’s chest, legs on either side of his hips and arms wrapped around him tightly. Harry’s throat constricted weirdly as if her touch had awoken something within him (but for now, he'd simply say that he felt pity and understanding). 

“I’m just so tired of chasing love, you know?” Her voice was muffled from where her face was pressed against his chest. 

“Suppose tha’ this has got t’be the cheesiest thing ever, but maybe one day, it’ll be worth all of the chasing, right?” Harry fought the urge to stroke her hair down and caress the sides of her face as he breathed her in. The air suddenly felt thin and his heart began to beat wildly, the close proximity working against him, but if she’d noticed, she didn’t show it. 

“I hope you’re right.” 

#chasing love #series #chaptered fic #harry styles story #harry styles writing #harry styles blog #harry styles imagine #harry styles #writing #fluff #harry styles fluff #fanfiction #harry styles fanfiction #fanfiction blog #fanfic writer #i hope you like this

[an-out-of-closet-experience-blog]

I got rejected from nursing school.

I guess that’s when my life started to change. I was 19 years old, 2 years into college with a 4.0 GPA, volunteering with hospice patients every week, working as a diet tech in a hospital. I did everything right. Was I happy? Absofuckinglutely not. But was I on the path to becoming happy? Honestly, absofuckinglutely not.

I’m a perfectionist. You can blame my mental health, my narcissistic father, or the borderline cult-ish religion I grew up in, but I am very sensitive to inadequacy and always have been. We’ll get into my teenage rebellious phase at a later date but for now, all you need to know is that the moral of the story from my shitty home life was that in order to survive, I couldn’t draw any negative attention to myself. So I put on a facade of a smart, hard-working, put-together, obedient child.

When I read my rejection letter, I wasn’t really that surprised; my self-esteem was too low for me to expect anything otherwise. But I was sad. After all the hard work I put in, I was once again reminded that I was nothing but a failure--a disappointment. It was humiliating.

I spent the following summer and fall semesters living in my mother’s basement. There was no point in continuing college classes if I was not invited to pursue education in the area I most desired. So I quit school, and lived with my mom, and felt like shit about myself every day.

I don’t really remember what happened next; my memory is really terrible. But I must have felt really depressed because at some point over the summer I started going to therapy. I just knew everything was all wrong. I didn’t really know why, but it all felt wrong. I was very unhappy, and had been unhappy for many years. So I started seeing Troy. Troy is on the Scorpio-Sagittarius cusp. He’s evil, which is why it’s so gratifying when he actually says something sweet.

The first month (or maybe even several months) of therapy, I didn’t make much progress. I'm not the type to open up, especially to people I don’t know very well. But Troy recommended I try some new meds since the Citalopram I had been half-heartedly taking all year was actually completely fucking useless. So he referred me to a doctor. My anxiety had been growing worse and worse, so we tried Fluvoxamine to decrease my intrusive thoughts. The cool thing about Fluvoxamine was that it made me heavily dissociate. I was stuck in a dream for a month and really, really wanted to peace the fuck out of this existence. Kinda sucked. As a side note, I find it very fascinating that altering brain chemicals can cause the specific urge to jump off a cliff.

After switching to Sertraline, I gradually recovered from the shitty side effects of Luvox and slowly pieced myself back together. If Fluvoxamine was causing a perpetual dream state, Sertraline woke me up. I recall suddenly looking around my bedroom and noticing all the dirty dishes, the laundry on the floor, and the overflowing trash as if it was the first time I had seen my room. I won’t pretend Zoloft was a miracle drug that cured all my ailments, but perhaps “waking up” after spending a month in the prison of derealization gave me a new perspective.

I have done a lot of soul searching these past months.

It was hard to face rejection last April. But to think I would have been in college right now, sporadically taking useless meds, living in denial, and feeling very tired and stressed and sad, makes me grateful for the opportunity to take some time away from the pressure of being perfect and unearth my own identity.

My name is Mason.

#suicide mention #journal entry

[ajoblotofjunk]

Z Nation re-watch: 3x09 The One With Those Terrible Razorwire Zombies

I have a TON of things to say and caps to share for this one so settle in, this gets really long.

Citizen Z is trying to talk when Murphy breaks through with a modified Prince quote: "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called the apocalypse."

In his "daily 2:00pm broadcast" (who on earth still keeps time in the apocalypse?!) Murphy is not only promising them freedom from fear, he's accepting them "no matter what they've done." It would be a tempting and almost impossibly good offer. If you didn't know Murphy, if you didn't know about the mind control, you'd do it. I would in that situation. Murphytown has electricity! It has food and safety and freedom from fear. Six years into the apocalypse everyone who's left has to have seen some shit and be absolutely sick to their souls of dealing with it. What Murphy is offering - on the surface - is the vaccine they must secretly have been hoping for since the zombie virus broke out. And even if they DID know about the mind control, the people there all seem happy, I bet many would still do it anyway.

But not everyone - not people like the Red Hands, who are enjoying the chaos of the apocalypse and trying to bring their own world order. It's interesting to consider what might have happened had Murphy gotten Lucy and Warren and the others to his side, and tried to build Murphytown into MurphyCity. Likely some like the Red Hands would eventually have attacked, try to make it their own. In an alternate universe, you'd have actual General Roberta Warren leading Murphy's armies to defend the city.

Now I want to read that fic. 

The 10k in prison scenes are lit so beautifully.

Murphy has his own count to ten thousand, except his are (by his estimation) lives saved, not zombies killed.

Sun Mei thinks she can dilute Murphy's control but still vaccinate people.

Warren: "Only one reason Murphy ever reads" - because he's going to the bathroom lmao

Warren goes into Murphytown alone because he's less likely to attack if it's just her. TRUE.

Oh, Murphy.

The back of the outhouse has been broken and that's how Murphy knows it was Warren. Hah. (I LOVE this coat.)

I love this visual first of all but second, the Red Hand put this up, not Murphy, and we're still dealing with fear. Murphy is not actively preaching righteousness but it's implied that his cause is righteous, though the people do not have to be. The Red Hand are swept up in believing they're enforcing order (the focus on thievery is telling) by the virtue of their righteousness in the apocalypse. They lack fear because they also believe their cause is just, and because they are the righteous few who are doing it. It's interesting to compare the Red Hands vs. Murphy vs. Warren. They're all driven by an overriding belief in their own correctness and authority. The Red Hands punish people for breaking unwritten laws of the apocalypse (at least on the surface - they really are just trying to rule over everyone else and actually using fear to do it, but they believe they should rule). Murphy believes he's the benign dictator the zompocalypse needs. Warren believes her mission matters more than anything (though I don't think she wants control in the apocalypse she does think people should all agree to her way). 'Only the righteous have no fear' - are the Red Hands really not afraid? Is Murphy? Is Warren righteous even though she is?  

Sun Mei appreciation moment.

Warren: "I've come too far, I've spilled too much blood, and I've seen too many good people die for this mission to turn back now."

This whole scene is a real turning point for Warren - she is actively embracing and seeking killers now. She wants to bring an army down on Murphytown and will kill people to get her way. She thinks it's the only way to stop him, and I wonder if at this point in her forebrain she's hoping it's just a bluff and one that Murphy won't call. But she's making a lot of assumptions here I don't think her hindbrain agrees with. The apocalypse has twisted enough of her inside that she doesn't care if people die in order to stop Murphy from making more blends and to get the vaccine to which she's dedicated the last three years of her life. I think the almost religious devotion to the mission is what has kept her going but it complicates things because I also think there is a part of her that is tempted by Murphy's vaccine as much as horrified. If she stomps it out completely, then it won't be a choice she'll have to make. People don't want to question their fundamental values because it's scary and hard and things are scary and hard enough in the zompocalypse. So get the Red Hands because they're already too far gone in their own beliefs to have any real fear anymore and they won't be tempted at all.

MEANWHILE, Hector is trying to argue that Escorpion will change Warren and not the other way around and a)he's right but also b)she's already changed enough to even consider this and I don't think she wants to change him she wants to use him. She wants killers, she says so herself. 

This episode is so much.

Hello, Space Needle.

Enders - a group that has so much fear they've gone through it and out the other side to wild, reckless living.

This Red Hand guy, Hopper, is very gross but also funny.

Hopper: "[The Red Hand] are a force of good in these sad and desperate times."

Hopper says Escorpion took his "zombie come to Jesus moment" for a "better way." To take out the randomness of death and bring judgment and execute his sentences. What. happened. to. Javier? How did he get to this?

Sun Mei taking Hopper down is really gratifying.

Hah they're in underground Seattle. I forgot about that.

TEAM.

Murphy keeps 10k locked away to try to convince him to tell Murphy what Warren is planning. 10k resists. Also Murphy is wearing his jacket indoors in this initial conversation where he asks 10k this and I'm very curious about that choice. Is it like armor? A King's cape? He actually wears the jacket the entire episode.

Murphy: "Hey, look what I found! Humanity in a single injection. You tell me what Warren is planning, and I might just give you your soul back."

Listen, y'all know I love Murphy but he's an absolute abusive jackass in his dealings with 10k this season and they don't really come to terms with that as much as I'd like.

10k: "She's planning to spank your ass good." HAH.

The Red Hands have wrapped actual humans up in razor wire, which is horrific. Warren should take this as a warning to get the fuck out but it's too late.

ICONIC.

This is also a cool shot. This episode is filmed very well.

Nice detail on the makeup work (and his salt & pepper hair look <3)

Murphy: "I don't even know if Warren's alive or dead. And frankly, I don't care." Look at that, two giant lies right in a row.

JAVIER. WHAT ARE YOU DOING.

Warren's face is heartbreaking. You can see her soul dying when she sees Vasquez here.

Vasquez: "You're one of those men that think they're better than me. Better than the Red Hand. They want the peace and security that I bring, but they denounce my methods as cruel. The work of a madman. Right now what the world needs is a madman."

Literally JUST THIS SECOND realized that Vasquez is the Kurtz equivalent from HoD/Apocalypse Now. Huh. 

Warren and Vasquez had extremely good chemistry.

But Javier hurts too much - has too much fear of what being good did to him - to let Warren convince him to admit who he is and was.

Hector, knowing Warren would never agree to it, chokes her into unconsciousness in order to go kill Vasquez himself.

This looks like a painting.

For a moment it looks like MAYBE Warren would convince Vasquez of what came before, and then Hector attacks.

Vasquez: "Who are you?" Hector: "Yo soy Escorpion!"

UGH look at how SAD HE IS. This scene is BRUTAL and both actors are fantastic.

Nooooooooooo HECTOR.

Nooooooooooo VASQUEZ.

Warren: "I'm sorry." Vasquez: "It's ok, Roberta." Warren: "Javier." Vasquez: "Mercy." Warren: "Yeah. Go home to your family."

THIS IS SO SAD. I AM SO SAD.

(One thing though? She gives him mercy except she cuts off his head and doesn't take out the brain, which means technically he should turn into a zombie. But I'll handwave.)

Hector gets Sun Mei's experimental vaccine.

The Red Hand bow down to Warren, who has killed the last soft part of herself in order to take on Murphy.

And here are Addy and Doc, who found Lucy. Huh I forgot that part was in this ep.

BRING BACK HECTOR. WE NEED ZOMBIE HECTOR.

#znationrewatch #z nation season 3 #my caps #long post #meta