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kastlequill · 6 months

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iii/v. ‘til my pulse loses time: pulsus paradoxus

pairing: kyle gaz garrick x f!reader word count: 1.7k synopsis: the third time you save gaz tags: whumptober, infection, wound tending, hurt/comfort, medic!reader, 4+1, no y/n warnings: none ao3: read here ← prev | next →

III.

You had lost count of how many times you’d warned him about the risk of infection, which was already quite high given the sheer frequency at which he acquired open wounds.

Best keep that thing covered, soldier, had been your soft-spoken command to close out his fourth visit in the span of a month and a half. That time, a stabbed forearm, and the time before that, a nasty gash down his spine, and so on. I don’t want to see you back in my infirmary for a long while, copy?

But it seemed your cautioning had gone in one ear and out the other. It wasn’t that Gaz didn’t know how to protect himself, nor was he incapable of mitigating the damage he sustained in combat; the sergeant was a competent man, something that you greatly appreciated when it came time to patch him up.

Rather, it was more so the case that he treated his life recklessly. Surviving was one thing, but exiting the fray unscathed? That was an altogether different and separate objective which, in his mind, warranted far less concern than completing the mission.

To him, the game plan was very simple: successfully execute orders, then get the hell out of there. Bonus points if he kept the majority of his body intact and functional.

For a soldier, this logic made total sense. Such a thought process was to be expected from someone who had spent over a decade honing his physical form into a weapon and had thus learned how to mentally detach himself from his personhood whenever necessary. During the firefight, his muscles and limbs moved in accordance with years of conditioning and training, acting on autopilot. Gaz, the man who brought you lunch on your busiest days and made damn certain none of your rowdier patients were giving you shit, faded into the background; what he did became exceedingly more important than the fact that it was he who did it.

For a medic, however? The stunning lack of self-preservation irritated you to no end.

And today, that irritation spiked to a record peak the instant he walked into the medbay with unfocused eyes and beads of sweat on his brow bone, jaw slightly loose, chest heaving for air.

“Hey, Doc,” Gaz said with a wince, the greeting sounding more like a croak than anything else. He pressed the palm of his hand to his forehead. “I’m not feeling too good. You mind if I. . ?”

Those were the last words to leave his lips before he all but collapsed into your waiting arms. Ignoring the worry that had begun to churn in your gut, you immediately helped him stumble to a nearby cot then gradually sat him down. Instinct took over, spurring you to quickly gather your medkit, don a pair of surgical gloves, gently open his mouth, and stick a thermometer under his tongue.

High body temperature, difficulty attending to external stimuli, fast pulse—textbook signs of an infection.

You were thankful that the nurse was too busy checking on another admit to notice how you cradled his face in your hands for a beat longer than was necessary after removing the thermometer. “Gaz, I need you to stay sharp, you got that? You have to show me where you’re injured so I can do my job.”

Blinking a little more awake, he gave a curt nod and lifted up the front end of his shirt to reveal what looked to be a knife wound slightly above his left hip. If the accumulation of dried pus was anything to go off of, it must have been at least a week old.

That’s definitely infected, alright.

“Why didn’t you call this in?” You lightly pressed into the inflamed flesh around the problem site, assessing its tenderness, but stopped when he let out a low, pained hiss. “We could’ve gotten it squared away in less than half an hour and saved ourselves the trouble.”

His half-lidded stare locked onto your alert, wide eyes. “Y’told me you’d rather I not come around for a bit, yeah? Can’t have you getting sick of me already, Doc. It’s bad form.”

It took everything in you not to flinch.

Of course a soldier would interpret an offhand joke in its most literal sense. Your playful tease had been intended to disguise genuine concern. Instead, the man had gotten the impression that you were annoyed by his insistence, which couldn’t be further from the truth.

In reality, you damn near prayed to any and all deities for them to shorten the time between his visits and lengthen his stays.

“That isn’t—” You swallowed an overwhelming wave of mixed emotions. “That isn’t what I meant, Kyle.”

He grinned, suddenly very coherent and present. “So it’s Kyle now, is it? Well, if I’d bloody known some measly infection is all it’d take for you to call me by my name, then I would’ve fuckin’ done this ages ago.”

Heat rushed towards your face, mostly pocketing itself in your cheeks. Some reassurance followed suit; Gaz couldn’t be too bent out of shape if he still had the energy and mental faculties to. . . to flirt with you.

As you cleaned the oozing gash, flushing it out with cool water and dabbing on a topical antibiotic with a Q-tip, the sergeant lowered his head to watch you work, eager to witness you in your element. Perhaps it should’ve annoyed you because of how frequently his forehead bumped into yours, but you understood his curiosity well. It was only fair, considering how often you wondered about him in the field; what he did, how and why he did it.

Who he became.

The occasional graze of your fingertips along his ribcage made the skin there to ripple, and he released a shaky exhale. “What’s the verdict, then?”

“Nothing that oral antibiotics and proper wound care won’t fix. But I want to keep you here overnight for observation and rehydration.” You stuck on a lopsided bandage and used your hand to smooth out any crinkles in the adhesive. When you lifted your face to address him more directly, the slight brush of his nose against yours caused a hitch in your breathing, and you jerked backward, startled by his closeness.

A pleased hum emanated from his throat. “Always lookin’ out for me. Soon as I get this blasted thing sorted, I’ll thank you properly.”

“There’s no need,” you assured him, stepping further out of reach. “Just focus on getting better, will you? This prescription is over the course of seven days. Don’t let me hear you’ve been skipping your meds.”

Needing to put several meters between the two of you, the shelves at the backend of the clinic were the perfect escape. There, no longer in view, you sifted through various supplies until you found an open box of penicillin, counted fourteen tablets in total, then funneled the antibiotic into a standard orange prescription bottle. By the time you returned to his cot with the medication, the sergeant was already munching on a couple of crackers, courtesy of the nurse.

He visibly straightened at your arrival and softly said, “Thank you. I mean it.”

Just doing my job, was what you should have replied. Nonchalant; not the slightest bit personally vested in your patient outside of the clinic.

“If you really want to thank me, you’ll stop getting hurt all the damn time,” were the words you muttered instead, sounding like a petulant child. Or perhaps you simply sounded like someone who gave a shit.

Because you did. You, a tested combat medic who should honestly know better by now, cared deeply about him, a special operator who risked his life daily so that the rest of the world remained relatively out of harm’s way. And given the horrors you’d seen both on the battlefield and in the infirmary, to care for someone like him was a terrifying notion.

What a nuisance, these matters of the heart.

His eyes dulled at your response, and you were consumed with the desire to bring back the light in those brown depths. “You know I can’t.”

The confirmation, though expected, still stung. Knowledge was such a curse, you decided. On some occasions, it benefited you to wield it, but on others, it only brought inescapable suffering. Regardless of the consequences, the possessor of said knowledge was forced to carry it within them always, robbed of a chance at blissful ignorance.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” you sighed, lips settling into a resigned smile. “It was worth a shot.”

From then on, the remainder of your tending to him was spent in silence. Not an awkward silence, nor an angry silence; just silence. A neutral, comfortable silence—your favorite.

All that was left to do could’ve been passed off to the technician or even skipped entirely, but you felt compelled to go the extra mile where he was involved. You wet a rag to rid his forehead of sweat and used a tissue to gently dust away the crystallized mucus in his tear ducts. Before you had the opportunity to assist him in laying flat on the cot, your pillow-fluffing was interrupted by the slight weight of cold metal meeting the warm skin of your neck.

A dog tag. His dog tag.

Your brain momentarily short-circuited. The gravity of the action was not lost on you, nor was its heavy implications. Not in the least.

“I’ll try. For you,” he clarified, resolutely holding your gaze, an oath on his lips, “I’ll try.”

Good enough, you thought. Because it had to be.

This would have to be enough, whatever this was. This, a fledgling, precursory thing. This, stealing moments with him during the brief lapses of warfare, hidden behind the plastic tarp covering the infirmary. This, assuaging your anxieties by catching sight of him from afar, the distance between your clinic and his barracks too vast. This, an invisible threshold, a nonexistent white line that warned do not cross. This, the space decreed by professionalism somehow both too much and too little.

This would have to be enough.

tbc.

#kyle gaz garrick x reader #kyle gaz garrick #cod gaz #cod x reader #call of duty #cod #kyle garrick #kyle garrick x reader #gaz x reader #my fic #whumptober #fic: ‘til my pulse loses time

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capfalcon · 2 years

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you know, i know a part of season 5 of leverage is eliot teaching parker to love and enjoy food, and i think the origin of that makes me so sad but also so in awe of the character development and world building that leverage had.

in her “home” warehouse thing, parker only basically had boxes of cereal, and it makes sense. she didn’t have a home. she didn’t have parents who made her food. she was a thief. she was on the run, she probably didn’t have tons of money at any given time, and she never had the time or resources to learn to cook. so what’s easy to eat, reliable, and not very expensive? cereal. all you really need is a bowl and maybe some milk, which she could’ve gotten pretty easily. you don’t even really need the milk, if pressed. and it’s sad, it’s heartbreaking really. because at first, it’s introduced as this funny thing she does, hoarding cereal and only eating that, but it makes perfect sense. she didn’t have anyone cooking her meals, she didn’t have anyone keeping her fed. it was on her to find food, to keep herself alive. so she found a food that she could eat, and she stuck with it.

in the background of jobs sometimes, we see her eating cereal at nate’s place, etc. and i have so many personal thoughts about this, like nate personally making sure that his place is always stocked for her, and the rest of the crew doing the same. but i also think part of it in my head is about them letting her. letting her come into their spaces and having food for her, and letting her have it, so she’s comfortable.

in relation to eliot teaching her about food, it makes perfect sense that she doesn’t really get it. because what do we always talk about? food being love, right? food relating to family? food being a place to gather? parker never had any of that. any of it. she’s never had that relationship with food or people, at least in the past. to her food is the same as sleep, necessary but not really anything to dwell on.

and i think, that, more than anything else, to me, encapsulates parker. one of the most heartbreaking scenes in the show for me is the one where parker doesn’t want to turn the orphaned kids over to the government because they’ll be hurt, or “turn out like me (her).” parker knows that she isn’t okay. parker knows that she doesn’t fit in. parker knows all of these things, and she understands the gap between her and “normal” people. and i think that gap is so exquisitely captured in her relationship with food, because food is about so much more than itself, but parker never got to experience that. food is love, and parker never got that growing up. so i think it’s really so important that eliot is the one teaching her about food, because he’s one of the first people that’s truly, really loved her.

#parker #leverage #im CRYING #eliot spencer #parker leverage

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aleksanderscult · 4 months

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A follow up to my other question; if we had a sun summoner (basically an entirely different person than Alina) that really was the strong-willed person who wanted to stand by his side and take part in his fight for the Grisha, what do you think he would have wanted that to look like? (And i mean beyond the fold-plot part of the show because we know the plot of s&b and how she messed everything up.) Do you think he would’ve ever allowed the sun summoner to act as a soldier as he had? I think I have a hard time imagining an Aleksander that would allow the sun summoner to go out and be in any possible danger without him present which sounds incredibly limiting to what they’d actually be able to do. I can’t imagine them being allowed to make very many political moves if he got his ruler/queen without his say so and approval, (especially not alina because every political move or even thought she had was actively stupid or the opposite of helpful) so I struggled to understand what he would’ve wanted and expected from them post-expanding the fold. Would a sun summoner with military experience or political experience like himself be able to ever convince him to let them go on military missions by themselves without him? I’m basically trying to understand what we could’ve had he would’ve been like. What would he actually be like if he had gotten the strong-willed, empathetic, political savvy with a functioning brain kind of sun summoner and what Aleksander wanted…and deserved. So much of the character we saw with Aleksander was who he had to be when dealing with someone like Alina, who just couldn’t think for herself, didn’t want to, had no political understanding on the most basic of levels, and didn’t have a spine for practically anything. This isn’t an anti-alina ask, i’m just wondering what type of Aleksander we could’ve gotten with the type of person i described above and what he would’ve wanted from them and allowed them to do. I’m really curious as to what he could’ve been like and truthfully what he had in mind because I struggle to picture what he actually wanted or what he would’ve done had he gotten the type of summoner he deserved

Okay, let's pretend that he got the Sun Summoner that he truly wanted and dreamed of (as you said).

First of all, he would take his time to figure her out. Her views and opinion about him and the Grisha persecution (just like he did with Alina in S&B). Let's say that she passed the test here. Let's say that he found her logical, strong, determined and fierce.

The next stop would be for Aleksander to trust her. He doesn't trust someone easily and he would have to make sure that this girl is worthy of his own thoughts and plans. That would take some time and it would depend on how trustworthy and honest that Sun Summoner would be. Let's say that in time she passed this test too.

The next problem we have is that Aleksander is a controlling person. He wants to have the upper hand on things like ruling, taking military decisions etc. In the beginning, I imagine her taking her with him wherever he would go. Both because he would want to keep her close and out of his desire to teach her things. Like "Look how I'm handling things. Look what needs to be done. Observe and learn". Because I kinda doubt he would ever find a Sun Summoner all ready and knowledgeable about matters of the state like he is.

That's why trust is important for him. Because he would have to make sure that she can be counted on for important things and she wouldn't turn against him or usurp him.

I don't believe that in the beginning he would let her take full control of the kingdom or even an equal stand with him, but! If he saw her ready to fight and take part in wars he would take her with him in the battlefield and, in time after seeing her getting stronger and stronger, he would let her go by herself. Like "We've got a situation on the northern borders. Take one hundred men with you, finish them off and come back." And that's because it would be impossible for him to be everywhere at once. He couldn't be both in the battlefield with the Sun Summoner AND stay on the throne and deal with other, ruling matters. Sooner or later they would have to split and he would be forced to let her go and let her do something by herself. It's inevitable and Aleksander would know that. Sometimes they would need to share the responsibilities. Sometimes Aleksander would have to go to Fjerda to deal with some drüskelle while his Sun Summoner would have to stay in Os Alta because an important meeting with some Kerch ambassadors must take place and other things like that.

Now, about the ruling matter. Yes, he would make her his Queen but for how much liberty and freedom he would allow her to have in making decisions by herself is a debatable matter in this fandom.

Here's my own opinion of it:

In the beginning, if she would try to make a decision by herself, he wouldn't like it. Because he's not used to have others take major decisions (having the King rule him in S&B doesn't count here because in that occasion Aleksander had no other option but to obey him). So, in the first years, it would be kinda difficult for him to get used to it. He would probably not let her decisions be put into action. Like "don't overreach yourself, okay. I'm in charge here".

But! (and this is important)

I don't find Aleksander to be that kind of person who gets crazy feral if his Queen disagrees with a decision of his. If his Sun Summoner spoke reasonably about her disagreement, if she was calm and logical with her own reasons of why she finds his verdict wrong, he would listen to her.

Alina in R&R had said to him that "We would be equals until I disagreed with you. Then you would do to me what you did to Genya."

I disagree. I don't see him that way. Just like I said, if her own argument is spoken in a calm, reasonable manner and in a respectable, honest way, he would actually listen to her. He wouldn't be "OH MY GOD YOU ARGUE AGAINST ME!! DUNGEONS NOW!!"

It's all about the way she'll say it and what is the reason of their argument.

With Alina it was different because she spoke out against him for a matter of high importance: his fight against the Grisha persecution and, of course, Alina's character didn't know shit about politics, wars and what needed to be done.

So, in conclusion, in matters of warfare he would allow her to go by herself if he deemed her powerful and capable to go by herself without getting killed or captured easily and having the right knowledge in fights and strategy.

And in matter of ruling, it would be strange for him if she started and taking decisions by herself from the first week and he probably wouldn't like it. But as the years would go by, I think that not only he would allow her to have a saying but also he would ask for her advice (YES YOU HEARD ME RIGHT).

(oh and about your question if he would allow her to become a soldier: yes. Mainly because all Grisha become soldiers and the Darkling is a man that believes in having fighting skills. Let's not forget how he was teaching Grisha to learn hand-in-hand combat apart from developing their Grisha powers. Plus, I don't imagine him wanting someone that sits on the couch everyday. As much as he would fear for her life sometimes, he would want her to be a fighter)

#that meta is all about what would happen if he had found the Sun Summoner he WANTED btw #the perfect one etc.#(someone with logic and guts👀 *Alina I'm looking at you*)#anon asks #the darkling #pro darkling #meta #darkling meta #grishaverse #shadow and bone #grishaverse trilogy #aleksander morozova #ruin and rising

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lotusparadisaea · 6 months

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I keep thinking about how Only Friends would've benefited from a longer run-time and how some specific things of the show could've been handled a lot better if that were the case so I'm writing them down to have them all out there.

Giving Top a personality.

I think one of my many grievances with the show (despite the fact that I like it a lot) it’s the fact that unlike other characters, Top doesn’t seem to have much development outside of his relationship with Mew. We get to learn a little about all these characters episode from episode, yet all we know about Top are throwaway things that are almost never mentioned again or instantly resolved, or don’t carry throughout the show.

For example, his drug use. We learn about his drug use and apparently, it’s immediately resolved once Mew offers to sleep with him to make him stop. He can, it seems, stop cold turkey. Although he seems to be a very “sentimental” user (he talks about being high when he’s alone or to have fun). This is never brought up again, not even when Mew starts using. Which I found weird? I thought maybe he would get back to it after he ended his relationship with Mew, or at least have a harder time deciding not to take it, yet his drug use was mentioned once, resolved instantly, never brought up again.

Then, the sleeping pills and his trauma, we get to learn why he uses him, his trauma around sleeping alone, yet we never really see him struggling with that, in that same scene Mew agrees to sleep with him, and then we see him deciding not to take them, calling Boeing instead. Yet. We never really see him struggle with not being able to sleep otherwise. He has PTSD about a traumatic event on his childhood and I think he, as a character, would’ve benefited from a scene where, after breaking up with Mew, and before calling Boeing, he tries to sleep alone and isn’t able to, maybe showing his discomfort, an anxiety episode or something similar. The worst thing is this scene exists, where he decides to take someone else home after he sees Mew and Ray but fails, he can’t have sex with them, he CRIES and has to tell them to go away, and YET THE SCENE WAS DELETED.

Just learn more things about him in general. We know Nick’s dreams of animation and Boston’s photography, we know Sand wants to travel the world and go to music festivals, damn, we even know Cheum’s girlfriend, April, who only shows up for like three episodes is going to film school and makes confusing indie short films, yet we don’t seem to know much about Top’s aspirations, dreams, likes and dislikes, other than the fact that he used to sleep around and now he’s in love with Mew.

Boeing showing up sooner.

Had Only Friends been a longer show not being cut short by the typical run-time of your average GMMTV BL, and it had, let’s say, 18 episodes (like other gmmtv shows such as PSIHY), Boeing’s appearance in the last stretch of the show could’ve been less rushed. He could’ve showed around episode 12 and still make chaos and ruin relationships for six episodes, instead of three episodes where we barely get to learn anything about him other than he deeply dislikes Top for having dumped him. Like, why is he trying to get on with everybody? What are his motivations? Does he just like the drama? Does he have an actual plan? Like I could say: Boeing deeply regrets leaving Sand for Top, he realizes he made a mistake as soon as Top dumps him, and since then he plans to get Sand back and ruin Top’s life. That could be a motive. But we don’t know much about him, not really.

And also, sooner as in: we should’ve had flashbacks of his and Sand and Top’s relationships. I know that would’ve ruined the reveal of the actor, but I think there are clever ways to show flashbacks of a relationship without showing the actor’s face if the reveal was so important. Right now, we see Sand being awkward around Boeing but never straight up saying no, why is he so hesitant? The whole show we’ve seen him being in love with Ray, what was his relationship with Boeing like? Why did it make him hate Top so much to enact a revenge plan on him, even knowing he could hurt the person he currently likes? Were things really that insane? We know they had plans together but that’s because we were told this episode, it would’ve been so much better if the change we see Sand have in Boeing’s presence had much more context.

Exploring more the different relationship and dynamics

Okay, I think the show does a great job at this but there are things that seem so out there, that aren’t really developed or that could’ve use deeper approaches.

The group friend: why are they even friends? Did they met in university and found out they were all queer and banded together? Why, if both Cheum and Mew find Boston’s sexual life so awful they stick around him? Why did Cheum act like Ray was the only one at fault in the whole raymew debacle when they’ve always known he has substance abuse problems and he’s in love with Mew? Why does she says Ray never cares about them and yet the first scene of the show it’s them poking fun at Ray for always telling them he loves them while he’s drunk and he’s drunk all the time? The whole friend group should’ve had a deeper approach, imho.

Ray and Mew: okay, so Ray is in love with Mew. Mew knows this. We know Mew stopped Ray from committing suicide and that deepen their vow. We know Mew chose to be with Ray because he wanted to hurt Top. We know Ray couldn’t say no to Mew, even though by that point he already liked Sand. Yet we barely have any scenes of them together. We hear from their friends that their relationship was a mess, as short as it was, but we only really get one episode showing it. The next episode they broke up and are really mature about it, which? Okay, fair, but what was really their relationship like? We had glimpses of it.

Cheum and literally anyone else other than Mew: she’s Mew’s ride or die apparently, but she’s supposed to be friends with all of them. She even says if she weren’t a lesbian she would choose Ray, yet we never see her being a good friend to any of them. She’s literally a better friend to Top that she ever was to both Ray and Boston.

No half-assed plots

Sometimes it feels like the show is trying to do too much and it isn't able to. Specially these last episodes. The whole Atom/Boston debacle could've been better if it had taken more episodes to develop. We don't see his "friends" ostracizing him other than the first confrontation, but like, they literally threw him off their thesis project, even if Boston is leaving, i think he would've been at least a little worried about not being able to graduate. Atom hasn't gotten any consequences, Cheum and Mew have not apologized. I feel like this plot should've been better executed.

Same thing goes for Mew's little "Reputation" era.

And other plot points like, apparently Sand and Ray were sleeping together all the time when Ray and Mew were together? But this was never shown, in fact, it was implied Sand was keeping his distance, trying his shot with Freddie #2, telling Ray he wasn't his rebound or second option ALL THAT WHILE STILL SLEEPING REGULARLY WITH HIM?? There's a lot of "tell and don't show" in the series and it falls flat because of it.

The things they did show are good, for example, Ray's drinking problem. When we finally reach the rehab plot it doesn't feel rushed or out of nowhere because we've seen Ray drink all the show.

More development for the main couples.

This is self-explanatory, but like Jojo himself said they had to cut scenes for ALL of them because of the run time. I feel like for a relationship/character driven show, sometimes it really seems affected for the short run time. There are scenes we see in previews we don’t get, scenes that are released ON TWITTER because they didn’t make it to the show and a lot more of depth in the book that in the show and if that’s not a clear sign that the show should’ve been longer idk what it is.

#only friends the series #ofts #only friends meta #sandray #topmew #bostonnick #needed to get this out of my head to study so here goes nothing

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hyunsvngs · 2 months

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juno hon please feel free to ignore this ask if it makes you uncomfortable 🫶🏻

I think the anon ask you recently answered is a prime example of how NOT to ask someone about potentially triggering topics. reading it just pissed me off so much because no matter how many cute emojis you put behind a question like that, it does not make the topic any nicer or more digestible for the person answering it.

to that anon, please remember that there are real people on the other side of these blogs. people with traumas that you aren’t aware of. it was insensitive, and moreso selfish, to pose this question in the first place. especially when you could’ve gleaned your answer by reading juno’s carrd and wouldn’t had to have put her in the position to answer you.

you’re fortunate that juno is such an understanding and nice person, because I wouldn’t have been half as diplomatic answering that question. in fact I would’ve chewed anon the fuck out and blocked them after because regardless of the intentions, this shit ain’t cute. and yes, there are survivors who have their own ways of coping by consuming content that may be triggering for others (including noncon). I’m not trying to shame anyone for having traumas or kinks, but like all traumas and kinks the most important thing before sharing them with others is consent.

juno’s blog is a safe space, but it always has to be safe for her first! she answered the ask so patiently and respectfully, so can we please be respectful in return? I hope anon learns from this, and in the future is more thoughtful in how they word questions like this. and, does a bit more digging before asking these sorts of questions. AGAIN, this isn’t about shaming anyone or judging the content they’re consuming, this is about etiquette and being careful with sensitive topics.

I felt so strongly about this that I had to come off anon, but juno: I hope you know how much respect I have for you for handling this so maturely and setting clear boundaries. I hope you know how well you nurture a respectful community. And most of all, I hope you remember everyday that you are loved, you are kind, and that above all else you deserve comfort on your own blog. thank you for not sacrificing your comfort, and for upholding your own wellness. it’s very admirable.

sending you all my love, 🌨️ anon <3

(and if anyone disagrees with me please block me, I don’t like discourse but I will stand firm on this)

🩷🩷🩷thank u😔😔

#juno’s asks ♡#🌨️ anon 💌

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sseomtada · 30 days

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being [ruben dias]

you finally learn the truth behind that night.

warnings: none | wc: 5565 | 3/???

“Umm, what are you wearing?” Aki lowered the bottles in her hand.

You cluelessly peered down at the clothes she’d literally seen you wearing earlier in the office. It took a while for your mind to construct the meaning of her slight chastise. Slacks and a button down was certainly not the appropriate attire for the occasion.

“Right! Shit…” You sprang into action, letting her in.

She made herself comfortable in your loft, beelining to the kitchen while you got prepared to join her in the long overdue ritual.

Some time had passed since the launch party at Nike. You’d been so busy with chasing up the next project on the agenda that your tradition had sadly slipped through the cracks. Luckily, your best friend was there to always remind you of the important stuff.

After sprinting through a shower, you slipped into a silk romper and joined her out in the living room. Her ability to whip up a master charcuterie board was out of this world. When did you even buy honey and feta?

“Early 2000s or something new?” Aki pondered as she scrolled through streaming options.

“I’m feeling modern tonight.” You replied around a cheese topped cracker.

She agreed, filtering for options within the last year. While the opening credits ran, you emptied the first bottle of wine she brought between your two glasses. That earned you a look of surprise to which you responded with a cheeky one of your own.

While you were on the more conservative side of alcohol consumption these days, you liked to let loose every now and then. What was the use of working so hard if you didn't blow off steam by getting a bit tipsy with your favorite girl?

Halfway through your glass, you started to wonder whether or not you’d made a mistake. Not on the wine, that was top tier, but the era of movie you chose. Film companies just didn’t put their soul into producing quality rom-coms like they used to.

You chugged the remainder of your Bordeaux and went in for seconds. Maybe fast tracking the intoxication would make this dry ass movie more palatable. Aki followed suit, hissing dramatically at the burn of her massive mouthful going down.

About five, or fifteen minutes passed - you honestly didn’t know now given your warped senses - before you turned to her with a grimace. She was already looking at you with an expression that made you burst into laughter.

“This movie fuckin’ sucks.” You gasped.

“I know!” Aki struggled to breathe. “I’m so sorry for picking it!”

Instead of torturing yourselves with the remainder of it, you decided to place a bet on what the ending would be. It was obvious that they’d end up together given the tone of the movie so far, but how they would get there was up for debate.

Ultimately, one Wikipedia page scan later, her guess was closer to being correct than yours.

“Okay…how about we do a drunk capsule now?” Aki dared you with her eyes.

It was an offer you couldn’t refuse, especially due to your current state. In these traditional events, nothing was off limits and everything was confined to the safety of the moment. To put it plainly, whatever either of you said couldn’t be held against you once you’d sobered up.

“Go on, I know you’ve been waiting for this forever.” You rolled your eyes playfully.

She clapped giddily, shuffling until her knees touched yours.

“Starting off a bit strong, but,” Her bottom lip reduced between her teeth. “Why haven’t you dated anyone since. You know.”

You blew a raspberry. “I-I have been on dates.”

“How many in the last year? Or two?” Aki hiccuped. “Come on, you’re still young and sexy! You should be getting pounded religiously!"

“Ew!” You slapped her leg. “Things have been really hectic with the company, you know that. I’ve barely had time to have a proper chat with my mom much less date a guy.”

That was the God’s honest truth. It was arguably a bigger task than you realistically could’ve handled, deciding to open a new branch of Bana.

The risk had to be taken, though. If you sat there trying to rationalize it through figures and statistics, you never would’ve committed to this next step that already was paying its weight in gold.

You also really needed to carve out time to call back home for more than just a quick hello.

Aki was the only other person who knew just how time consuming all of this was, so she accepted your response - albeit with an emphasized pout.

“We spoke,” She ran a finger along the rim of her wineglass. “Ruben and I.”

Your head reared back as you screwed your eyes shut. That information wasn’t too surprising considering that when you left, they both remained at the party. Still, it hit you with rather powerful force.

Trying to picture that conversation pulled your mind in several directions. Aki was a different person than you in many ways, her methods of communicating being one of them. She was far more straightforward than you were and was never the type to do a long song or dance before getting to the point.

The situation she had with him was rather complicated, though. She was collateral damage in his severance from you. His parting message to her was just as curt and painful as the one he’d sent you - with an added layer of which you now realized was the audacity he always had.

We can’t be friends anymore. Take care of her.

Going through something like that could create deviations in anyone’s behavior. You wouldn’t hold it against her if she found herself too flustered to articulate herself properly. Especially if he’d displayed the same attitude to her that was directed towards you.

“How are you holding up?” It was embarrassing to admit that this was the first time you’d really checked in with her regarding the entire situation.

She sighed deeply and then nodded. “I’m okay, said what I needed to.”

o passado

aki

Her eyes had been on you since that giant blond man had made his way over.

Not exactly the type she’d seen you fawn over, but there was a first time for everything, right? Besides, it didn’t hurt that he was clearly acquainted with Ruben - whose gaze was glued to you and the guy like his life depended on it. Maybe it would hit him where it hurts.

She prayed it did.

“And that was basically how I figured out I was a genius!” The long winded man she was conversing with finally wrapped up his story - full cackle to boot.

“That’s amazing!” Aki matched his energy, going as far as to throw her head back for good measure.

“Was that your CEO you were sitting with - the one in the white?” His tone immediately had her eyes narrowing.

Your dress was cream, but he was a man so she’d let it slide.

While his appearance was more towards your usual taste, there was no way she’d let him near you. Not with his clearly inflated sense of importance and clear habit of never letting anyone else speak for more than ten seconds without interruption.

“Yep, that’s her.” Aki nodded proudly. It was always nice to tell people that her best friend ran a company.

“Is she single? I’m sorry that might be a bit forward, but I’m sure you’ve noticed how stunning she is.” He chuckled awkwardly.

“She…is.” The smart retort part of her brain clicked off when her gaze drifted to find you talking to Ruben.

Whatever thirsty homeboy was droning on about fell yet again on deaf ears as she watched your interaction with shallow breaths. It was the first time she’d seen him in years, stirring up strange emotions to say the least.

When he’d messaged her that night, her heart broke and sank all the way to her toes. Only a fraction of a moment passed as she tried to rationalize why she’d so suddenly lost the person who was like the brother she always wanted. Her mind almost immediately went to you.

Take care of her.

Fuck, those words still filled her with rage to this day. He knew just how deeply you were in love with him and he didn’t even have the decency to say that shit to your face, or give you a reason. He knew how badly it would break you. Yet, he did it anyway.

Aki would never forget the way every bone in your body shook as she held you. She’d never get over how the heartache ate you from the inside out, watching you turn into a hollow shell of the vibrant girl you used to be.

But more importantly, she wouldn’t ever forget watching you pick yourself back up. Piece by piece, you took shape. Watching you find and love yourself after what he put you through was the proudest she felt in your friendship.

And here he was again.

She thought she’d seen a ghost when you showed up soaking wet and in tears on her doorstep a few weeks ago. It wasn’t a question in her mind as to why you were that torn up suddenly because there was only ever one person that could do that to you.

What did Ruben want? So much time had passed, did he think that was an excuse of some sort to suddenly start popping up like a whack-a-mole? She would’t stand by idly and let him create chaos the way he once did.

Aki watched him as he watched you making your way to the exit, his expression forlorn. It twisted her insides like they were filed with bile instead of bubbly. She excused herself from Mr. Know It All and shot straight to her target.

“Ruben.”

He spun around, eyes widening. “Aki…”

“Look, I’m not interested in the past and I’m definitely not here for any kind of apology.” She breathed. “I just wanna know what you’re doing, Ruben?”

His brows pushed together, “I was just having a conversation, Akenna.”

“Don’t do that.” Her jaw ticked.

He didn’t have the right to say her full name like he used to in jest anymore. They weren’t good friends, they weren’t anything to one another as things stood - all by his doing.

“And don’t play dumb.” Aki scoffed, anger rising by the second. “You weren’t there to see the fall out. No, you were living it up as the nation’s new hot shot and embracing all that came with it. You fucking,” She pressed her nails into her palm to steady herself. “You devastated her.”

Ruben flinched. Her words and the severity of it all finally seeming to click into place. She could see the thoughts swimming around his mind, imagining probably the worse case scenario that she bet wouldn’t even scratch the surface of reality. The air around the two hung heavy, as still as a day with no wind to sway the trees.

“I’m not trying to hurt Y/N, or you, again.” He eventually whispered.

That was rich, was she just supposed to take his word for it? Aki sized him up with scrutiny, wondering what position he thought he would get into with you both to repeat such a thing. Yet despite all her glaring, she still couldn't grasp his intentions.

Maybe deep down, she didn't want to.

In any case, by the looks of him, life had appeared to go unjustly in his favor despite his misdeeds. While that was an annoying observation, she chose to cling to the other side of it. She decided to celebrate that you were infinite miles away from the version of yourself he’d last seen.

A new form of yourself that she'd silently vowed to protect at all costs.

“Then whatever you trying to do, stop.” Aki warned. “She’s in a good place now, don’t ruin that.”

o presente

you

Whatever she was able to get off her chest seemed to provide her with relief.

That left you grinning. Heartbroken or not, Aki stuck to her guns. It made you promise silently to yourself that you’d adopt her stance. If you ever crossed paths with him again, though you should say when since it seemed all but inevitable in this city, you’d lay it all out on the table.

“So…have you tried Hinge?” Aki smiled sheepishly.

You exclaimed and pounced on her, smacking her with a sofa cushion as the light-hearted mood returned. She was surprisingly agile for someone so tipsy, narrowly dodging most of your blows with full bellied laughs.

I’m just doing your mom’s bidding - ah, watch the face!

The small brawl ended just as quickly as it started. Your tolerance was far below what it used to be, lethargy taking over your limbs. With a huff, you flopped onto the carpet. Aki raised your head to tuck a pillow beneath it before assuming a cozy position of her own.

“We’re gonna regret drinking this much tomorrow aren’t we?” You groaned, a hand running over your tummy.

“Nothing a good, hot cup of coffee can’t fix.” She yawned.

Well, that wasn’t entirely true.

Even after shaking the last of a double shot into your mouth, you were laced with regret. As much as you adored celebrating last night, you currently wished you could’ve slept it off a bit longer.

However, duty called. You had two meetings to knock out and needed to get through a morning brief about both of them.

“Wow, you guys look…” Cindy tried and failed to hide her shock.

“Don’t worry,” Aki pushed her sunglasses up to her hair. “I brought the emergency makeup kit.”

“Let’s just get through this quickly.” You grimaced, clutching at your blouse.

As Cindy walked you guys through all the research she compiled, you chugged down a liter of water to bring your insides back to life. On top of regretting taking wine to the head, you felt guilty about letting a bit loose while she was probably busy working.

Another mental note: give her additional vacation days.

Erling’s online presence was pretty standard for a public figure and athlete. His social media was tightly managed as well. That was obviously smart on his part, enough people in similar standing had sometimes irredeemable flubs by not thinking before posting.

The water was kicking in, leaving your mind devising the skeleton of a pitch. It might’ve been jumping the gun a bit since you still didn’t know their hopes for partnering with Bana.

You always liked to be prepared for anything though, especially when it came to working with busy clients like him. Quick thinking could easily be the difference between success and failure.

“Uh, guys.” Cindy tapped her phone. “You’re gonna need to get started on using that kit - Erling’s assistant just asked if you could meet him for lunch instead.”

Aki yelped, immediately rifling through her bag. You high sprinted to the bathroom to empty your bladder before rejoining the room. After a quick touch up to make you resemble the human species again, you gathered everything you needed.

Since the meeting had been moved up, it would clash with a virtual call you had with another potential client. Cindy volunteered to stay behind to cover given that she was the only one other than yourself with extensive marketing knowledge.

“Where are we headed for this lunch?” You slung your tote over your shoulder.

“City training grounds.” Cindy pulled a face. “Not the most glamorous, but I guess he’s staying on brand?”

Your mind immediately went there. Of course it did, it wouldn’t be normal if he didn’t make an appearance in your thoughts when hearing the location. What you were grateful for, though, was that there was no sinking feeling. No ache in your chest or pit in your stomach, just neutrality.

Aki looped her arm around your free one and tapped your bicep. “Let’s catch this fish.”

“Good luck!” Cindy waved as you exited.

Uncharacteristically, you were the one that had to be forcefully awoken and shoved into the shower this morning. That meant Aki drove you both to work, so you hopped into her passenger seat once more as she fired up the engine.

“What do they even eat there?” She pulled up the address on maps. “Baked chicken and sweet potatoes?”

You snorted loudly. “I don’t think they have a whole team of chefs just to make Instagram fitness bro meal preps.”

Aki made a noise of agreement and then got to daydreaming aloud about their potential offerings. Her imagination had your stomach growling. You hadn’t been able to even sniff the muffins in the cafe earlier without turning green in the face, but you were finally entering the phase of your belly signaling for sustenance.

Her phone rang with an unsaved number on her dashboard. You pulled a face at her suggesting that it could be one of the suitors she’d been seeing under the guise of getting to know the new city. She bit at you like a puppy before answering.

“Hi Akenna, this is Meredith from Dr. Johnson’s office. We’re just confirming your visit today at twelve thirty.” The voice sounded out.

Aki’s mouth dropped open as she looked over to you. “H-hi Meredith! I…”

You didn’t know she had a doctor’s visit scheduled and by the looks of it, she didn’t recall either. That was one hundred percent okay with you. Obviously, her health came before anything else. Your head nodded incessantly, urging her to confirm.

“I will be there.” The words sounded as if she’d dragged them from the bottom of a deep well.

“Cheers! We’ll see you soon.” Meredith disconnected the call.

“Is everything okay?” That was your main concern at the moment.

She groaned. “Yeah, it’s just time for a routine check up with the pussypractor.”

You let out a laugh. Being happy at her using that word to describe her gynecologist was far from your normal reaction, but you welcomed it in place of the fear you’d felt for a minute.

“I’m glad you’re taking care of your magic conch.” You relaxed back into your seat.

“Are you gonna be okay? I feel bad leaving you there all alone.” Aki pouted.

“I’ll be fine.” You shot her a grin. “I’m just going to complete the mission and get back ASAP.”

Whether or not she was convinced remained a mystery. That question was a double edged sword, but so was your answer. You weren’t going there with any intention beside getting your job done.

And feeding the beast in your belly.

Thankfully, the grounds weren’t too far away and traffic wasn’t as horrendous as usual. She turned her car into the security checkpoint that went by without a hitch since they’d been notified of your arrival beforehand.

“This is…weird.” Aki peered around after parking out front.

It was like deja vu. Seeing the turf, hearing the sprinklers in the distance - your senses were all lit up and connecting the dots to your past experiences in a similar environment.

“Yeah.” You refocused on the task at hand, opening the car door. “I’ll see you at home. Want me to bring over an ice pack?”

“I’ll probably already have beat you to it, smart ass.” Aki shook her head. “Text me when you’re back.”

The lady at the front greeted you brightly and let you know that Erling’s assistant would be out shortly. In the meantime, you busied yourselves with taking a look at the large pictures lining the walls. Where City clearly had the money, they also had the success. Image after image were filled with bright smiles, medals and trophies.

“Y/N, it’s so nice to finally meet you.” A young brunette woman appeared into your impromptu gallery viewing.

“Likewise.” You shook hands, extending a smile.

“Please, this way.” She directed you to follow her down a hallway.

Animated voices became louder the further you walked and the smell of rich flavors filled your nose. Whatever was being cooked was so far from barely seasoned cutlets and bland potatoes. Your stride hitched at the sound of one particularly loud laugh.

Right. It must be lunch break for the entire squad.

Just as your ears started to ring, unwanted sensations deciding to make their return, she pivoted off to the left to deviate your path from the cafeteria. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding just as your eyes looked back to catch Ruben’s - wide and confused, watching you disappear around the bend.

Coming somewhat prepared worked well in your favor.

Erling had a rough idea of what he wanted to do, but first asked your opinion about the direction you would suggest. Given the current era socially and culturally, coupled with the timeline of his playing career being almost predefined, you focused on building a diverse brand that spoke to longevity.

Football itself was such a vast world with many paths. You constructed a plan in front of him that held his passion at the center surrounded by interest that could tie back into it. If he wanted to expand his humanitarian efforts, a foundation was always the best bet - donating to boys and girls sporting programs, hosting summer camps, auctioning iconic jerseys for a cause.

Partnerships were the biggest way to expand image wise. Of course, there were the well known luxury brands that would die to have him as their ambassadors. If he wanted to hone in on a relatable image, he could partner with more affordable brands for an athletic line.

You wanted to show him that there was a world of possibility that was easily within his reach. All he had to do essentially was point the team at Bana in the direction he wanted to do and you would get it done.

Erling was extremely pleased with what you pitched to him. His assistant took notes for him to go over later in order to single out where he wanted to start, and get back to you guys with contract details. You were left buzzing with pride and very full with the most delicious chicken salad you ever had.

“I’m excited to see where this partnership takes us.” He beamed as he walked you back to the entrance.

“We intend to take you as far as you want to go.” You promised.

Him and his assistant headed out to his next appointment after you said your goodbyes. There wasn’t anything else on the agenda for the day now with both that meeting and the virtual one at the office being done.

You figured you might as well head home to check on Aki. Also, turning in early for a good night’s rest would be the best thing you could do for your body.

You requested a ride back to your place and hoped the wait would be less than 10 minutes. The confirmation came back to show that the driver was just under that, which nearly made you roll your eyes. Instead, you decided to be grateful and message Cindy to see how her call went.

“Are you going to wait eight minutes for Jeremy to pick you up?”

Your head craned to spot Ruben peering at your phone over your shoulder. Though there was nothing to hide, as well as him already seeing what was on your screen, you tucked the device into your chest and spun around.

“Obviously.” You cleared your throat.

“Why would you do that?” His gaze was scrutinizing.

“It’s what one does when they left their car at home and require a lift.” The hand holding your phone tilted it back slightly - six minutes.

“Come with me.” Ruben boldly suggested.

The laugh that left you was incredulous, there was that fucking audacity again. Under what circumstance would you get into his car with him?

You were actually starting to wonder, seriously, without any offense, whether or not he was entirely there mentally. It was like he had no recollection of what he’d done to you.

Or worse, that he didn’t care.

“No.” Your eyes turned downwards again - four minutes.

“Let me take you home.” He reached out to take hold of your wrist.

There was a slight tremble to your mouth that you were quick to shut down by pinning your lips together. Those words shoved your mind through a wormhole back to all those warm nights in Amadora. Your backpack slung over his shoulder, his fingers laced through yours. Both of your laughs bouncing off concrete structure lined streets.

“Absolutely not.” You spoke weakly.

A step too late, you registered his movement. Your small lunge was futile against his giant step back after he’d snatched the phone away from your unsuspecting grip. Getting onto your tippy toes was even more useless against his extended arm as he canceled your ride.

“Please, I owe you that.” Ruben handed it back to you. “And everything else you need to hear from me.”

Freedom of choice in this situation was an illusion. The opportunity to gain all the clarity you sought, all the answers to the questions that haunted you for years, landed in your lap without any effort on your end. Did the option of rebooking a ride share move the needle away from you wanting to know everything?

Not even an inch.

“Okay.” You conceded, motioning for him to lead the way.

Ruben walked you over to his jeep and opened the passenger door for you before you could even try. The gesture that once made you feel giddy did little to stir anything in you today. You fastened your seatbelt and placed your tote on your lap as he got in.

“Now would be a good time to,” He pointed at his console.

“Right…” You pulled up his gps to enter your address.

“Before you think something weird, just a warning that I’m leaving from the service exit.” His car spun in the opposite direction that you entered in. “Things get a bit crazy in the front with the fans and all.”

Wow, what a hero. You didn’t know whether or not to thank him for at least respecting your right to privacy, so you stayed silent and offered a nod.

The first few minutes of the ride stayed much like that - quiet. You wished he hadn’t turned off the music immediately as the car started. Whatever he listened to these days would’ve been miles better than the sound of his smooth engine running and the hissing of his tires on the lightly misted road.

“I’m sorry about the other night.” Ruben spoke alas. “It wasn’t my place to step in with a stupid suggestion like that.”

“No, it wasn’t.” At least you both agreed on that much.

He chuckled at your swift concur. “Everything went well with Erling then, I suppose.”

“You’re on a roll, Dias.” You said drily. “Two for two.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed, catching your attention from the corner of your eye. It was becoming apparent to him that this interaction wasn’t going to happen the way he imagined - whatever that may have been.

Did he expect you to be the same doe eyed girl you were seven years ago? Even without your shared history, that would’ve been an extremely naive ideal.

“Y/N…” Ruben tapped his steering wheel. “About that night…”

You dared to look at him for the first time during the ride. All over his face was the war he was fighting in his mind. As stupid and misplaced as it was, you actually felt a bit sorry for him. He had been a source of pain for you for so long, yet you still couldn’t stand to see him experiencing discomfort.

“Was it something I did, something I said?” Your biggest insecurity fell out uncontrollably. “Was it me?”

“No.” He interjected swiftly, almost angrily.

“What made you do it?” The question being posed directly to him after all this time didn’t offer you what you’d hoped.

You thought that if you had ever came to this moment, you would be on some sort of emotional pedestal. So far out of reach and so beyond what had transpired that no response he gave would have a great impact.

In actuality, it was completely the opposite. You didn’t feel elevated or safe out of reach from any negative outcome. Sitting beside him, getting swallowed up by his big leather seats, you felt small and vulnerable.

You were afraid.

“When I sent that message - those messages - it didn’t even feel like it was me.” Ruben appeared to be focused on the road ahead, but his eyes were distant. “I never felt like I truly deserved you. Sometimes when I looked at you, that feeling was overwhelming. I saw how much I meant to you, knew you’d do anything for me, maybe even give up everything for me…and I can admit it now that in those moments I was right about myself.”

He was really on a hot streak here. Three for three because you also felt like it wasn’t him speaking to you that night, or shutting off the lights on you. Four for four, actually. You would’ve done anything for him and yes, even given up everything if it meant you got to be with him.

The last part confused you though.

“Right about what?” You sought out comprehension.

“I didn’t deserve you.” Ruben provided it. “Because anyone who did wouldn’t have felt pressured by that. They would’ve stepped up even more and lived up to be the kind of person who was worthy of that kind of love. Instead, I was the type who was convinced that it was too much and ran away from it. I selfishly cut my emotions off and did what I did, not even considering the outcome.”

The fear you had was replaced with disappointment. You truthfully didn’t know what you expected his explanation to be. Maybe it wouldn’t have felt like this if he had said he started having feelings for someone else, or any other partially plausible explanation.

You guessed this was just as rational as all others in his mind, but you just couldn’t wrap your head around it. The guy you knew never showed any signs of wavering in confidence or expressed the slightest doubt that he was deserving to be deeply loved.

A part of you understood that everyone all wore masks, especially around the people they wanted to appear to be strong for. But he never had to do that with you. At least, you thought he knew that he didn’t have to pretend to be anything when he was with you.

“Ruben…” Your gripped tightened around your tote straps.

What could you even say at this point? The one expectation you did have that was met when you got into this car was that you’d received an explanation. It was just difficult to come to terms with the fact that all of your whys boiled down to something so simple yet complex.

Insecurity was an easy emotion to name, but far from that to dissect. And it certainly made people do often very shameful and hurtful things. Still, knowing all of that did nothing to ease the ache you felt watching him bite the inside of his cheek.

The drive suddenly didn’t feel so long as you realized he was pulling up to your building’s entrance. He put the car in park and reached to leave to get your door, but your hand quickly shot out to touch his arm.

“I’ve got it.” You slowly let it fall to unbuckle your seatbelt. “Thanks for the ride.”

Ruben left it until the very last second, calling your name as you were about to shut the door.

“I’m sorry for everything I put you through.” His shiny brown eyes held yours for as long as you could take before you finally sealed it shut.

You rushed inside, not daring to look back so that your tears could fall unnoticed. With rasps of breaths falling from your lips as you pressed your head against the back of the elevator, massaging the space over your heart, you found yourself asking a new question.

What would you do now, knowing that which you’ve longed to?

#ruben dias #ruben dias imagine #ruben dias x you #ruben dias x reader #ruben dias fic #being

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that-nerd-who-writes-fanfiction · 18 days

Text

Something I wrote yesterday for a chronic pain werewolf Merlin fic sitting in one of my doom folders

(I’ve been through and checked spellings a bit but please don’t be too harsh.)

—

Arthur hadn’t said anything yet, he realised.

“You’ve been through so much,” the prince murmured, astonished. His voice sounded so soft and genuine and reassuring. Merlin had heard that same voice when he spoke to people in the aftermath of attacks. “I promise you, I’m going to do everything to make sure you never have to deal with anything like that again.”

Merlin shook his head again, “You can’t promise that. I’m a werewolf in Camelot.”

“It won’t be like this forever,” Arthur tells him and Merlin hangs onto it like a prayer. A breath of destiny and hope for the future where tomorrow won’t taste of dread and ash from pyres.

Merlin doesn’t know how he’s supposed to respond to it, so instead he turns his hand over and holds onto Arthur. The promise seems so tangible here, in his room after the most terrifying morning he’d ever experienced, second only to waking up after being bitten or waiting to transform the first time after.

“Why did you come to Camelot?” Arthur asked quietly.

Merlin huffed, “Will.” His eyes stung. For all he loved his friend, Will had almost gotten him killed so many times. “He got drunk while he was visiting the capital to petition Cenred to help our supplies over winter, Cenred told him no and he said his angry werewolf friend would rip them all to pieces for being complicit in tyranny. A week later, we had knights searching the village. It was either finding myself on a pyre for sure or taking my chances. So I took my chances.”

“But why Camelot of all places?” Arthur asked, his hands were still cradling Merlin’s, thumbs tracing the callous scars Merlin had collected over his lifetime.

Merlin shrugged, “I kept getting hurt. Badly. Then I woke up with this,” he drew one of his hands back and traced a scar on his neck, jagged lines and raised pale silvery skin, usually covered by his neckerchief. Arthur’s eyes followed the movement, then tore away to look at Merlin’s face. “I thought I was dead for sure, I managed to find a patch of yarrow to slow the bleeding and I tore my shirt for bandages, then healed what I could remember, but it wasn’t safe anymore. She sent me to Camelot because Gaius already knew, she hoped he could teach me how to be a physician and take care of me until I figured it out myself. I can set bones and dislocations, stop bleeding, stitch wounds, I’m learning, but it’s… still scary.” He confessed, stomach twisting.

He felt a bitter sense of grief creep up on him. The life he could’ve had if he wasn’t a monster.

“I’ll take care of you, too.” Arthur whispered like a vow, breaking Merlin free of a spiral before he’d even taken the first step. “I know sorry won’t make anything better so I won’t say that,” his hand lifted and traced the scar at Merlin’s neck, then Arthur tenderly cupped his jaw, thumb rubbing over what felt like a faint bruise on his cheekbone. Their eyes met, and it felt like sparks attempting to fly between them. Arthur shook his head, looking away and taking a breath, then said “I was never good at words, but I’m going to prove that things can be better. And hopefully by then, I’ll have found the right words to tell you you’re too important to me to ever lose you to this. Hopefully by then I’ll be able to tell you that as long as I draw breath, you’re never going to go through anything alone. And if I haven’t found the words, then I’ll prove it in my actions.”

Arthur was looking at him again, holding his hands and cupping his cheek, eyes looking deep into Merlin’s soul like he could uncover every detail or insecurity or fear and detach it from the tentative thing he hesitantly labelled hope. Merlin leaned forward, closing his eyes against the hot tears behind his eyes and pressed his forehead to Arthur’s, breathing him in.

Arthur’s hand never came away from his face, gently caressing the bruised skin. Merlin’s back was red hot under the uncomfortable fabric of his oldest and softest tunic. Leaning forward as he was did him no favours, but he refused to pull away. Refused to lose this because of the wolf like so many other parts of his life.

—

I hate that the first four chapters of this are crap cos this bit could actually be halfway decent with a few edits.

Anyway

#bbc merlin #merlin #fanfic #unfinished #merlin fanfic #merlin emrys #merthur #arthur pendragon #hurt merlin #werewolf merlin #hurt/comfort #soft arthur pendragon #i still can’t write without it getting angsty apparently #light angst #merlin bbc #i’m bad at tagging #fic writer #i need sleep

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skyeblue8 · 5 months

Note

Alrighty, thank you for letting me share this stuff! Fair warning though, this is a stupid long ramble.

The title of this little rewrite project is currently Halfway Hell. Our star is Reagan Morgenstern, daughter to one of the most powerful and influential men, who lives in the lap of luxury, wealth, and privilege. However, her cozy life is changed forever the morning after her 21st birthday, when she is woken by a group of seven horrific and grotesque beasts. Her father, Solas, reveals to her a dark secret; He is not human, but rather a powerful sorcerer as old as humanity. Long ago, he and a group of wizards and witches were banished from their home world in the stars to be imprisoned in the Earth’s flaming core for the rest of time. Before they were banished however, Solas and his six siblings used their remaining magic to curse the first vestiges of humanity; The more wicked, despicable, and sinful they were when they were alive, the more monstrous, deadly, and magically potent their souls would be reborn as Solas’ unholy army. Utilizing the damned and tortured souls’ as magic replenishes, the Seven Siblings of Sin were able to breach their flaming prison, and now, Solas, The Dark King, believes the time for his forces of darkness to conquer all three realms is growing near, and when that time does, Reagan will be leading the charge alongside him as his Dark Princess. So to prepare, Reagan is shipped off to the many parts of the world where her father’s siblings reside, to learn to weaponize the magical properties of the six souls spiritually chained to her. But as Reagan spends more time with her ensnared entourage, a conflict begins to brew within herself: Should she follow her family destiny of rulership over all that is known? Or will the suffering and maybe-not-so-awful souls enslaved to her convince Reagan to turn a new leaf?

Ok so that’s basically the plot, I’ve also got a design for Reagan, who is my stand in for Charlie. It is a bit old which is why she’s called Piper on it, but I am planning to give her a slight makeover digitally. I’ve also got a bio for her but that’s also old and really long so I’ll be tweaking that. (btw solas is the stand in for Lucifer, he’s not meant to be Stolas, they’re entirely different characters here, I’m just using the name Solas for reasons including it sounds like Soulless and I think that’s good for your main villain)

Basically, I’m making this rewrite mostly out of spite for all the wasted potential of hazbin/helluva, and all the stupid choices that were made that completely butchered what could’ve been two great adult animation shows. I’ll take the characters from both Hazbin and Helluva and change them to suit this new narrative, while sort combining both of their plots into one(a group of morally ambiguous non human entities do some fucked up shit on Earth, while also growing from hating each other into a found family and trying to save themselves and others like them from their eternal suffering) However, instead of directly using actual Christian demonic/religious figures and stories, I’m using those texts, mostly The Testament of Solomon, as inspiration for the characters, story, and world of Halfway Hell (example; Heaven and Hell are not the traditional Heaven and Hell we know in Christianity, though the parallels with fallen angels and the seven deadly sins and Armageddon are there) So no actual names of demons and angels will be dropped, my characters will just resemble them. I don’t want to offend people and their beliefs by using these names in vain because religion is important to a lot of people, and it’s a nuanced topic that has made people do good and bad things in the name religion ever since, well, the beginning. Plus, I feel like it could make room for more diverse creature designs if I don’t make them explicitly demons or other similar concepts from different cultures such as yokai. They’re meant to be moreso ghosts and monsters in a generic sense, just ones that were originally humans and sprout from a burning land. I want this to be fantasy oriented with all the magic and creature designs I’m planning, while also having a core general theme of change, and a more specific theme of how we can make the changes we want to our lives, and why we make those changes, unlike Hazbin where it’s all about redemption for now. The best way I can describe what I want Halfway Hell to feel like is if The Owl House was written like Bojack Horseman, basically a dramedy with fantasy elements. Originally I was gonna make this even more like Bojack Horseman in terms of realism and tone down the religious influences even more, with purely human characters, an ordinary Earth setting, and it was gonna be called Seven Swinging Souls but dammit, I like fantasy stuff and I wanna draw fantasy stuff.

And that’s pretty much what I have so far. I’m thinking once I develop more ideas and make plenty of art for it, I’ll make a new account dedicated to Halfway Hell and maybe one day make a comic series out of it. No promises at all, I’m still suffering through college and this is mostly a creative outlet but who knows. Let me know your thoughts, thank you for reading all of this nonsense!

Honestly, after looking over the whole summary of the rewrite, I think this is a really solid re-imagining of Hazbin. Actually, I think it's more than that.

Now, I will make note of how much it deviates from the original concept in the fact that it takes away from the idea of a traditional Hellish afterlife, as well as the whole thing concepts we've been introduced to since everything's on Earth, I guess, but, it's because of those differences that I think it would work brilliantly as its own piece of written work as I think it would give it more credibility for being an outstandingly well-written, original project without having the association of Hazbin Hotel as I feel that would discredit it both to those who have problems with Hazbin/Helluva Boss' writing and those who are so loyal to it that they may want partial credit for Viv.

Now, for a bit of warning, I am often extremely picky and skeptical of all new shows, stories, written works, and series I first encounter, regardless of how well-recieved they are – and that's not usually a matter of one’s storytelling ability so much as my general pickiness. With that being said, I'm deeply interested in the potential this concept could have and how you can make it your own. Good luck in college! Idk what that's like yet, but I'm sure I will soon enough. And excellent work, here!

#helluva boss critical #ask #asks #hazbin hotel rewrite #vivziepop critical #helluva boss criticism #hazbin hotel critical #helluva boss critique #helluva critical #hazbin hotel critique #vivziepop criticism #helluva boss #hazbin hotel

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polarisbibliotheque · 8 months

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So like, less of a suggestion and more of a question - I recently found your works and have just been blown away by the details (like, seriously, you're on the top of my favorite writers list) and just how... perfect you craft everything? I genuinely inspire to be like you, but the problem is that I've hit a rut - I'm super unsatisfied with my writing, and whenever I try to get back into the writing zone, I just fall flat. Is there any advice you could give on how to improve one's writing? What would be your tips and tricks at getting into that writing zone?

(Do apologize me taking SO LONG to answer, but I had some health emergencies the last couple of weeks and ended up in the hospital – I’m doing better now, chilling at home and trying to recover. My doctor is 90% sure I have Crohn’s Disease and I’m having many ups and downs trying to find a proper treatment that I seem to respond to. BUT…)

…I hope you are aware of how much you made me smile, blush and almost indulge into my teary eyes upon reading this. Hahahaha seriously, thank you SO much!! I can’t even thank you enough, I’m just in pure awe that another being in this big ol’ world we live in thinks so highly of my writing!!

I mean, not even I think that highly of my writing. Notice a pattern? ;)

One thing I learned being an artist – not only writing, I also draw, play the piano, write music on my free time/when inspiration hits, everything creative, I’m there, doing it – is that we’re never really satisfied with our work. We will always think we could’ve done something better, and we’re definitely going to be pretty “meh” about a lot of things we do – even when other people think it’s a masterpiece.

And that is good! We’ll always strive to perfect our skills! You just have to remember to appreciate the work you do even when you’re not completely satisfied with it. You will get to where you want to – but then, you’ll wish to improve even more! And that is awesome!

But hey, I do have some tips and tricks on improving and getting into that writing vibe!

For the people getting to the party now, my main tip on improving is here, in the first part of the answer for this ask! Now, now…

(long post below, as expected YEE BEEN WARNED!)

Regarding improving:

Read. A. Lot. Hahaha I know that’s quite an obvious one, but it’s really important. Personally, I think reading mindlessly just to fill a quota of “I read 25 books a month” doesn’t work. It works when you absorb it – when you allow yourself to plunge into the world of the book you’re reading, feeling the characters, the emotions, the settings… That helps you build your “mental library” so to speak! And sometimes you’ll find things and expressions you like that you might use both on your daily speech and while writing – for instance, I have this awful thing of saying “there’s a lack of wings to my words” whenever I’m speechless, because of Homer’s Odyssey. I freaking LOVE that book, I loved that expression, I use it all the time, and it has definitely bled into my writing.

WRITE! A LOT! Write bad stuff, good stuff, short 2 pages thing-ys that you go “hey that’s a good idea!” but you’ll never actually turn into a full story, random scenes, fanfiction, stupid fanfiction, serious fanfiction, self-indulgent stories, stories for your family, stories for yourself, stories for whoever wants to read or not, dreams that could be great stories… The point is to write. It’s much like drawing or playing the piano: if you don’t practice, you won’t get better and you won’t develop your style. The more you practice, the better you get! So don’t be afraid to write bad stuff, cringy stuff, or ridiculous stuff – or even stuff you thought would be awesome and turns out bad, or stuff you think will never turn into anything that turn amazing! One way or another, you’ll be refining your craft!

Identify what you like on writers you admire. I started noticing that while reading The Silmarillion. The Lord of the Rings is my favorite book since I read it for the first time when I was 15, but I didn’t pick up The Silmarillion until I was around 22 – and by then, I started underlining with a light pencil all the phrases I liked most, something my mom did on her old books when she was around my age. I then started taking a look at what I liked about Tolkien’s writing so much – and in other books too: what kind of phrases seemed to resonate more with my soul. Which ones brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my face. And then I notice I tend more to the unconventional ways of describing things.

For instance, instead of going like “she was beautiful, with pale skin under raven dark hair, blue eyes shining on her fair face” I tend to go for the unconventional, sort of eerie, not so much taken for granted kind of describing “her beauty glowed like the first pale star to glisten in the evening sky, under a deep sea of dark, velvety hair, making her eyes twinkle like sapphires with a smart look while carrying the light she kept in her soul”. If I had to, the second one would be how I’d describe Arwen or Lúthien, giving them that ethereal otherworldly beauty they have. It's also the one that evokes more feelings inside of me rather than just a mental image.

That’s why I try to describe some things in a different light. When I’m writing, I want people to feel something – but how can you describe that feeling of joy when you hug someone you love and the whole world fades for a minute? That’s when I go for the “his heart bled with gold while his hands never wanted to let them go. For a minute, time seemed to stop and there was nothing else but his heartbeat intertwining with theirs, beating as the same song – even if theirs was more melodic while his was more melancholic. It was that kind of tune that made his lungs not remember how to breathe and his eyes pour – while his lips reflected all the gold that cascaded from his heart.” It’s a quick (rather ridiculous) example, but I do think about some things: how when I feel like that, I tend to have a hard time breathing and I do cry, but it’s because I want to smile so much I cannot contain it. Then I try to describe those feelings with metaphors and poetic stuff because I’m a melodramatic bitch.

Jokes aside, it’s because I like that sort of writing that has that beauty behind it – or more of a melancholic approach. It’s what resonates the most with me and I adopted it, even if sometimes it feels too… Abstract. I like that ability of people piecing the abstractness together and having their own interpretation – and that’s what makes people have different feelings while reading the same thing.

Is this for everyone? Absolutely not. I bet some people despise all that poeticness I like to put on words to lace them like a painting, you know? So, the more you re-read the things you like, you’ll start identifying what resonates with you and you can apply that to your own writing!

And that doesn’t mean you’ll have to be locked on that writing style as well. I’m currently trying to finish a book (I hope someday I can publish it) which is a cyberpunk style story, with lots of inspiration from Cyberpunk 2077, Blade Runner, John Wick (yes, Keanu Reeves sends his regards) and all that poetic writing doesn’t quite fit there. I’m using more of a direct approach, but there’s a lot of existentialism and reflecting on overcoming grief, trauma, owning your own life and contemplating one’s own mortality – and that’s where that poetic, metaphoric, melancholic, bittersweet characteristic of my writing style comes into play. And then everyone starts cursing and shooting each other again :)

Having a style doesn’t mean getting stuck in it – it means knowing when and where to use it!

Now regarding getting into the writing zone:

I freaking ADORE music and it helps me A TON while I’m writing. It’s like setting the mood. I’m trying to be sexy, or mysterious, or having that vampire-y vibe? Depeche Mode playlist it is. Fight scenes? Metal and Electronic. I need to freaking focus and get to work without thinking too much about the music (or start dancing like crazy whenever a song I love comes in and there I am, dancing and singing in my room at 3 a.m)? Piano playlists – classic, modern, everything and anything, as long as it is piano.

Playing music that goes with what I’m writing also helps. For my cyberpunk book, for instance, I put on the Cyberpunk 2077 OST playlist/radio on, or I search for “Cyberpunk Ambience/Playlist” on Youtube and let it roll while I write. For my King Arthur stories (yes, still working on them), I put on Celtic music compilations, Enya, Loreena McKennitt or the piano playlists. For my vampire stories, be the medieval or the near-future one, dark piano, Dark Wave, etc. Perhaps searching for that one playlist that has to do with your story setting and listening to it for some time might get you in the zone!

I also usually write deep in the night. Because I’m a spawn of Dracula. After everyone at home has gone to sleep, I make myself some hot tea, sit on my computer, start listening to music and write. That’s because I know I won’t be interrupted, and I can do just that. Sometimes, I start writing at 1 a.m, other times earlier, other times later. Try to notice when your ideas seem to flow better and when you get more into the zone – but please, don’t be unhealthy as I am and go to sleep at a decent hour. I’m not an example here with my sleeping schedule hahahaha

Cringy moment: when I’m stuck, I act the last scene I wrote as one of my characters in the shower and, usually, ideas start to come in (and I have to get off the shower). Hahahaha now that’s just a weird one, but I have NO idea why, my best ideas arise in the shower. Water has a weird effect on me, so sometimes I just stand there with warm water pouring over my head and, lo and behold, I’m exiting the shower in a hurry because I just got my writer mood back HAHAHA so maybe some very mundane activity – like cooking, taking the trash out, cleaning the room – might be where your writer brain will come to life. You never know.

Needless to say, I talk to myself a lot, sometimes as if I’m talking to the characters. That is a very bad coping mechanism I developed when I was being bullied at school – I used to pretend Dante was with me when I was alone or something had happened and I needed someone by my side, so nowadays I have a very easy time writing this man. I started doing that with some of my characters, and that goes for repeating lines or part of the stories I’m writing to see if I can get un-stuck. It’s not the greatest of things, but it works. My neighbors might think I’m crazy, though xD

When I’m completely unmotivated or I keep staring at the blank page without being able to write, I try to immerse myself in what I’m writing about. So, if I’m stuck on my cyberpunk book, I watch some Cyberpunk 2077 let’s plays, I re-watch the Edgerunners anime, I re-watch Blade Runner, I re-read some parts of Do Androids Dream of Electrical Sheep? or I, Robot, I listen to Blade Runner’s soundtrack, I even try to play Cyberpunk 2077 (while praying not to get motion sickness or not having my pc exploding from overworking). If I’m stuck on my King Arthur works, then I re-watch the 2004 movie (may the gods bless Ioan Gruffudd and his wonderful Lancelot and Mads Mikkelsen as my beloved Tristan), re-read the 3 books on the Chronicles of Arthur series, listen to some Celtic music, research Arthurian stories for hours on the internet, search for my encyclopedias at home to see if they have something on King Arthur, read obscure translated manuscripts from ancient times on it … So, immersing yourself on reading, researching, listening to music, watching movies, playing videogames, listening to stories, watching series, reading mangas, watching anime, documentaries, going to the movies, basically doing anything that has to do with the theme you’re writing, may get you in the mood. Next time you sit down to write, it might flow wonderfully!

I don’t force myself to write, though. If I do, I usually can’t write a single decent word and I’ll hate it. If things aren’t flowing – and this I learned with my mom, who also draws – I leave it for a while and go do something else. Maybe I’ll have some warm tea, or watch a completely unrelated movie, or read my current book, or talk to my parrot in the kitchen, play some piano, draw a little, or just take a good nap. My mom says it refreshes the head and the eyes, and when you come back to it, you’ll be a lot more inclined to find things that weren’t working and let those creative juices flow.

I also have a very weird search history and I’m not ashamed of it. All writers do, and it’s better to have a weird search history than not knowing what you’re talking about, honestly. And sometimes, researching takes a lot more time than writing and might get you motivated – time spent learning is never wasted. Even if you’re learning what kind of dates grow in Greece and are offered to Apollo (bless his heart).

Sometimes, I write something completely unrelated, with a very different theme, and stupidly goofy – and that gets me back to the writing vibes. Sometimes there’s just this need of writing something for the sake of writing, and you just want something foolish to make you smile like a goof. It’s valid and it might be your ticket out of writing-rut-land.

Now some little uncalled for advices:

I spent too long being self-conscious and too serious about it. If it’s not your style, don’t force it. Some people need structure, other people thrive in chaos – know what’s your style and go for it. I hate planning novels, for example. But I will outline the main points of the story and the ending – the rest, well, the characters have to show me whatever else they’re doing, and I have to go with it. Sometimes there are huge arcs I didn’t plan as a main point of the story, but they pop up in the middle of it and they are important – I like leaving that room for impromptu writing/creating. So, find out how it works for you, not how it works for everyone else.

You don’t have to create masterpieces right at the first time you’re writing. Take my King Arthur thing-y for example. I wrote the full story when I was 15. When I was in college, I decided to re-write it. And then, when I was at work, I decided to re-write the re-write. And now, I just took all my files, read them, thought about it all, outlined a whole new story and decided to write anew. Not re-write, but take all that work and write as if I had never written anything before – in the original file, the main characters were 15 years old and in school, now they have their jobs at Universities and work on the secret society that is now a lot more fleshed out and built with loads of new characters around (including a new one I created yesterday after months not thinking about it).

If I hadn’t written the Twilight-sort of embarrassing thing when I was 15, I wouldn’t have this whole universe, characters and story to build upon nowadays. It wasn’t a masterpiece, but it was a good idea – and I’ll keep working on it until I’m happy with it. It’s been 13 years I’m working on it now, maybe when it reaches its 15th anniversary, I’ll be able to finally let it see the light of day!

Don’t listen to the “NEVER DO THIS!!” advices. Seriously. Writing is a form of art – and, as in all art, there isn’t a right or wrong. By all means, see what people are saying it’s bad and you should never do – I watch and read those advices so I can learn to be better too! – but don’t take it to heart. As Captain Barbossa would say, it’s more of a guideline than rules set in stone. Sometimes, something people say you should NEVER EVER do is something that works perfectly fine for you and your style of writing. Learn to make up your own mind: learn new things, listen to advices, but absorb those that resonate with you and leave those that don’t. That’s how you create your own opinion about things and how you find your writing style!

One fun thing to point out on this as an example: me, my mom, my sister and my dad ADORE reading. My sister loves Jane Austen, my mom is a super fan of Dostoyevsky and Russian literature, while my dad lives for Isaac Asimov and all things sci-fi. I love sci-fi, my mom can’t stand it. I read Dante’s Inferno in a week and my mom couldn’t get past the first verses. My sister can’t read poetry at all and is terribly bored by Lord of the Rings. My dad read my Chronicles of Arthur books and even told me to buy the complete the series. Me and my sister enjoyed Khaled Hosseini’s books a lot, but my mom never felt like reading them.

All of this to say: it’s not a matter of who’s more intellectual than the other, it’s a matter of who likes which kind of literature and writing styles. Some people are more comfortable with one way of writing or a certain kind of literature and can’t stand others – and that’s ok. Writing is pretty much the same. THERE ARE NO FIXED RULES! BE A REBEL!

If it helps you: character sheets. Around 8 years ago – or more – I searched and searched online for the character sheet that could help me the best. I had never done it before and thought it was quite useless, until I downloaded one and started filling the infos on my main characters of my Arthurian sort of story. Lo and behold, they became SO MUCH BETTER and that’s when I started rewriting everything: I understood all characters a LOT better and made better decisions when writing them. It doesn’t work for everyone, though, but it’s a lot of fun for me. Currently, I don’t use it much because I now know what are the main things I need for my characters to seem alive, but it’s always nice to have a reference when you’re writing.

My cyberpunk story, for instance, it has A BUNCH of characters with scars, different hair colours, different eye colours, the way they dress, birthmarks, cyber-implants, cyber-prothesis, dressing styles… And sometimes I get lost in it. So it’s nice keeping a character sheet when I go like “wait, she has burn marks on the left arm or the right arm…?”

And keeping a file on worldbuilding might be helpful as well. I noticed that writing my cyberpunk thing. The first thing I wrote was a huge file explaining the city, the factions, the districts, people’s styles, who are the viruses, the sub-types of viruses, the political parties, the police and secret police, the difference between artificials and organics, how does access to the world works, what is the Ocularis system, the most important corporations, their names, their owners… And all those things will probably never appear on this story.

But I felt a HUGE difference. Instead of info-dumping right at the beginning to make the reader understand how the world is built and how it works, I started it right at an important point in the story. No one knows anything about how things work, but, as the characters speak to each other, they talk about so many things that the reader catches things and pieces together how all things are organized.

Don’t try to explain everything. Tying with I said before, if you have a very good idea of how things work, how the characters relate to each other, how they react and how they think, you won’t need to info-dump. I usually think I’m seeing my characters going about their day and that is ALL I’m describing: what they are saying, feeling, thinking and doing. If I feel something is missing for people to fully understand, then I add something quite minimal to help. But I don’t overexplain: people are intelligent and they can piece things together.

Don’t go full Marvel movies and explain everything as if no one can understand unless you say it. Go Nolan and try to make people understand with images, feelings, glances, metaphors and such. It’s very effective in writing! (Don’t get me wrong, I do like Marvel movies, but they have become those kinds of movies that require little mental effort because literally everything will be explained in a huge monologue or through dialogue. You don’t always need dialogues – and if you say “oh that’s too ambiguous and people won’t be certain about it” that’s the beauty of art: it’s always up to interpretation)

Having someone to read and give you feedback might be very helpful too. I have a few friends every now and then I send some of my stories so they’ll read and give me an honest feedback. I try to listen to their opinions and refine my work – but if I think they critique doesn’t make sense, I thank them anyway and keep on doing my thing. Like I said, know when to take what makes sense and when let go of something that doesn’t. Also: feedback is NOT a personal attack. DON’T TAKE IT TO HEART. See it always as something you may need to improve – and you’ll improve quicker.

At the end of the day, writing is art. And all art is relative.

Your art will be great to some and horrible to others – and that’s ok! Again, learn to NOT make it personal (the critiques, I mean, because art is always personal and that’s wonderful, I think).

And repeat after me: you will not please everyone. The point is to make yourself proud. You’ll find your people along the way.

Do it because you love. Do it because it comes from your heart, from your soul. The world has become so filled with content, mindlessly created by artificial intelligence so we will keep consuming, that things have lost so much of their soul.

To make art, to write, is to have soul. If you have that heart, that passion in your work, it will show – and people will follow. When you sit to write, don’t make it a chore, don’t make it an aesthetic tiktok post, don’t follow the routine of this or that famous artist – do what you have to do and let your heart flow. Do it for you.

I think that’s the main advice I can give. Don’t do content to post on social media and look good, do your art. Push your boundaries, test new things, write in ways you never did before, but do your thing.

When everyone is doing the same thing over and over again, you’ll realize your words will stand out by doing what you want to do.

Again thanks for attending my TED Talk xD

#polaris speaks #writing advice #writing tips #writing #writing help #writing tips and tricks #answered asks #asks #anon ask #there we gooooo second part of super long post xD #do forgive anon #and do forgive taking so long #but I hope these will help somehow #I'm not the best person to give advices #but maybe these things I did for learning and refining my writing will help other people too #and the motivational speak at the end as well xD #we all need some of that

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cxncri · 2 years

Text

only ones who know [suna x reader]

summary: you and suna get stuck in an elevator while going to get midnight snacks, and the two of you realize something important. cross-posted on ao3 as well!

word count: 1,056

author’s note: this was one of my first fics, i apologize for any mistakes! i hope you all like it :)

⋆｡ﾟ｡♡︎⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ ⋆｡ﾟ｡♡︎⋆｡ﾟ☾｡⋆｡ﾟ♡︎ ⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆｡ﾟ♡︎⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

the lights of the elevator flicker once, twice, and go out with a pop!

right after you’re able to process this, the elevator stops abruptly and you’re jolted to the ground. you yelp, completely unprepared for that entire sequence of events.

“what- hello??”

“suna??”

you blink, eyes adjusting to the darkness. it’s one thing to have an elevator break down, and another to have the power go out. both of these things happening was just unfortunate.

“are you good?” if you didn’t know any better, you would say he sounds shaken up. despite it being a small space, you feel lost, and the faint glow of the emergency light isn’t bright enough to see anything.

“yeah, i’m okay. a little spooked, but nothing too bad.” you put your hand on the floor to steady yourself and grimaced, trying not to think of what could’ve possibly been on this floor in the past.

“what about you? are you okay?” you ask, leaning against the wall. you’re suddenly aware of the fact that you’re trapped in such a small place with him, and your heart starts to race. you shake your head, choosing to focus on the most important thing: getting out of here and back to the room.

“it’s dark.” typical suna.

“great observation, smartass.”

“fine, yeah, i’m fine. so, we’re probably stuck in here for a while. the storm must’ve been worse than i thought.” he sounds tired, more so than usual. “yeah… do you have your phone with you? we should probably call someone for help.”

he groaned. “shit. no, i left it with the rest of my stuff in the room. i didn’t think i would need it, but uh, my mistake.”

to be fair, you were out on a midnight snack raid, completely unprepared for an entire power outage. still, it was unlike him to not bring his phone, and horribly ironic that he didn’t have it the one time you needed it.

“hmm… let’s see…” you think out loud, trying to think of the best way to get out of this elevator. coming up short, you sit back, stumped. with no phone, no way to get help, and no ideas, you’ll probably just have to wait this one out.

“we could press the emergency button, that’ll probably do something??” smart. you hadn’t even considered that, and you’re suddenly thankful for the other person here stuck in here with you.

“oh yeah! good idea!” you move towards where your best guess of the elevator button is, reaching out to touch the wall. instead of the wall, to your surprise, your hand is met with what feels to be fabric. surprised, you pitch forward, landing on top of (what is hopefully) suna. you both pause for a second, and then you scramble, trying to get off of him as fast as you possibly can.

“sorry, sorry! i was looking for the button, i’m so sorry!” your face feels hot and you’re so, so flustered.

“geez, y/n, you’re not the type i would expect to get handsy in such a crisis!” he’s just teasing, like he always does. there’s a somewhat-suppressed laugh in his tone, and you’re so glad you can’t see his face right now.

“i didn’t- hey- geez! it was an accident!” your face is probably way past flushed by now. if it was anyone else you would’ve brushed it off, but with suna? no way. you’ve been best friends since you were kids, and you’ve liked him for years. hell, you were even roommates, and he still had no clue. despite how many hints you’ve tried to drop and signs you’ve tried your best to give him, he’s always been oblivious to them. you’ve learned to live with this by now, accepting it for what it was.

“just messing with you. the button is over here, anyway.” see, you had the right direction, just a little uh, off-target. you hear a click, and you assume he pushed the button. you both wait for a second, hesitantly expecting something, but nothing happens. “well, shit. that didn’t work. since we’re gonna be here for a bit, you mind if i stretch out? it’s not easy being in such a cramped space with my height.”

“oh- yeah, that’s fine, take as much space as needed.” you scoot, trying to move out of his way. “alright,” he yawns. “cool.” you hear him shuffle around, getting situated. hugging your knees, you rock back and forth, getting tired as well. you sigh, fighting a yawn. eventually, you give in.

“suna…?” you ask, softly, “are you asleep yet?” his response back is quick. “nope. it’s actually kinda difficult to sleep on an elevator floor. why?”

again, you sigh, unzipping your hoodie for the greater good. “here, use this.” you toss it in his general direction, and you hear a thump and a muffled “thanks,” so you assume he got it. he shuffles again, and then pauses. “wait, y/n, do you wanna lay down over here too-? like, there’s enough room and all…” he trails off, waiting for an answer.

you scoot yourself over to him again. “uh, sure, i mean, if you’re sure there’s enough room, that sounds great-“

“c’mere.” his arm wraps around you and you let him pull you next to him. your hoodie underneath you isn’t much, but it’s better than laying on the bare floor.

you could feel his body next to yours, warm and comforting, and it put you at ease. “thanks…” you mumble, embarrassed once again. your eyelids grow heavy, and you shut them, this time letting sleep take over. suna’s breaths grow slower, and you assume he’s gone to sleep.

right before you doze off, you’re aware of his arm curling around your waist. “suna-?” you whisper, surprised by it. “shhh,” he whispers. “just go to sleep.”

you smile, because for a midnight snack run, this wasn’t too bad. you wrap your arms around him, feeling safe here, in this small space.

feeling brave, or maybe just tired, you rest your head against his chest, and for a second he doesn’t move. you contemplate moving, because what if you took it too far, and before you can do anything you feel him pull you close to him. you feel so fragile here, so delicate.

“goodnight. sleep well.”

“goodnight. you too.”

#fanfic #fanfic ao3 #suna #haikyuu suna #haikyuu!!#haikyū!!#haikyu x reader #suna x reader #suna rintaro x reader #fluff #friends to lovers #ao3 writer

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kakiastro · 7 months

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Your Moon sign is the energy your mother was in when she was pregnant with you

Elephants is ruled by the Moon. I love Dumbo as well

I talked briefly talked about this in my short random astrology post pt 1, just scroll down on my page. I’m digging deeper on this topic.

Your moon sign + house is the energy your mom was in when you were conceived. The moon rules over memories so in a way, we are our mother memories during this time. I wonder is this why so many moms clash so much with their daughters? This is where healing begins.Check the placidus and whole sign system. If you are a mom, you can use this for yourself as well. What energy were you in when you conceived your child? Your child moon sign will tell you.

For example : I’m an Aquarius moon 7h in placidus and 8h whole signs. My mother was a teen mom and was the most scholastic one so her pregnancy came as a surprise because how involved she was in her studies. she was also in her rebel era (Aquarius) against my religious grandmother (7h) because she didn’t like or approve of my dad and didn’t approve of their relationship (7h) but the kept seeing each other in secret and mom didn’t know she was pregnant until 5 months along (8h) and surprise! Here I am! lol

But you see how that played out???

So I’m going to break down different scenarios of the energy of your mom and in the end answer the poll to see if it resonates with you

Ready?

Aries/1h

- may have had lots of conflicts or arguments with your dad or men in general

- got with father quickly and ended pregnant early in the relationship

-may have lacked patience with the people around her during this time

-a brand new start in her life such as job, home, relationship

-Aries rule the head so people or her may have had head injuries or scars. May have suffered from headaches during this time

Taurus/2h

-may have been building a solid foundation or may have been suffering from lack of

-financial struggles or prosperity

-may have moved into a new home or a new living arrangement was made

-may have had troubles with the bank or opening up a bank account

-she or you either felt really confident or struggled with it during this time

-she could’ve been spoiled with gifts and adoration while pregnant

-if you or your mom loves singing, you may have did lots of it during this time. Music may have been important for her

-lots of food was eaten lol

Gemini /3h

-siblings may have played a big part in the pregnancy. May have took her/you to your doctor appointment or was an emotional support

-education could have played a part such as parental classes or baby care classes. Buying nursery, baby books to get ready. This was an intellectual time, it was “omg , I need to learn as much as I can about the baby before they get here” energy! Mom could be a teacher or work in education

-communication was really prevalent during this time. A lot of people especially your neighbors may have been nosey during this time “so who’s the child father?” “What are you wanting a boy or girl?” They may have given you/her unsolicited parental advice. LOL

- short travels may have been a theme, nothing too far away, may like the next town over or something

-writing and journalism could be a theme too! If your mom are a writer or just like to write.

-could’ve gotten a new car or it got totaled during this time

-Gemini rules the mind and thoughts so she’s going to be in her head a lot during this time

Cancer/4h

-could’ve gotten really close to the mom during this time period, mom could’ve done things for you.

- may have been more of a homebody and stay at home to enjoy pregnancy

-emotional time and probably felt overwhelmed with them

-ate lots of home cooked meals

-surrounding yourself with family was important

-learning more about family heritages and family stories.

-became more of an introvert toward people

-comfy clothes only lol

Leo/5h

-I noticed people who have Leo moons/ moon 5h may have been the first grandchild or first granddaughter/grandson. If not, they got a lot of attention lol

-mom may have been excited shopping buying all kind of clothes, toys and accessories before the child is even born.

-the father may be heavily involved during the pregnacy such as taking care of the mom, I noticed lots of Leo moons are named after someone on their father side lol

-may have had a pregnancy glow and got lots of compliments from strangers

-may have been around other children whether it’s siblings or nieces/nephews. Mom may work with kids

Virgo/6h

-mom probably worked all the way up until you were born lol

-may have been getting everything in shape and ready for the baby. changes up daily routine

-similar to Gemini because they’re both mercurial so this is also going to be an intellectual time but the difference is that’s there’s going to be lots of note taking on parental stuff lol.

Virgo rules our health so mom may change up dietary routine or they may health problems during this time. May suffer from lots of morning sickness due to Virgo ruling over the stomach

-co-workers can play a part in your life during this time. They may take over a shift for you while you call in sick. May come to your baby shower and bring the most gifts

-if you’re in school, teachers may play a part by letting you make up assignments. maybe you’re a teacher

Libra/7h

-may have been in a stable relationship with father, could’ve just gotten engaged or your arrival made them get engaged

-this could’ve been a peaceful time, maybe everyone was getting along and if they weren’t, mom was probably the peace keeper

-businesses could’ve been a topic around this time. Mom could’ve been a business owner or her favorite business was a huge topic for her.

-beauty and aesthetic could’ve been important like cute maternity clothes

Scorpio moon/8h

-a death may have occurred in the mother family during this time

-mom may have suffered a miscarriage before you were conceived so there’s some pain and hesitation around that

-there maybe some family secrets that’s been kept under wraps

-mother may have been going through painful time or something traumatic happened

-mom could’ve gotten a divorce or something was going on in the marriage especially finances. Scorpio rules over marriage and partner finances

-on the flip side, this could’ve been a empowering and transformational time for her

-she could’ve been interested in occult studies or true crime type of stuff. Maybe she watched a lot of horror movies lol

-you may come from a long line of witches for all you know lol or she know people who are.

I know Scorpio moons gets a bad re but it’s not all bad.

Sagittarius/ 9h

-may have come from a family of refugees or immigrants. You may be first or 2nd generation in a country

-mom may have travelled overseas a lot while pregnant

-mom could’ve been in college or a college professor

-may be religious and actively involved a church

-may read lots of scholarly books and articles during this time

-may be close with your father(husband) if. Married. May be close to your grandfather as well

Capricorn/10h

-having a stabilized structure home may be her main focus

-may have a age gap with other siblings

-being disciplined during pregnancy such as taking her diet seriously or following the doctors orders to a T

-making sure her career is stable before you are born

-may continue to work to save up money, talk know capricorns need to be doing something valuable to them lol

-grandmother may be a big help or play a big role.

Both of my younger brothers are cap moons and my gramma was a huge help to my mom during both pregnancies. My mom had just started her new job as well when she was pregnant with my first brother and got a promotion when she was pregnant with my 2nd brother. There’s also a huge age gap between my brothers and I lol

Aquarius/11h

-you were probably a surprised pregnancy

-you may have step siblings

-pregnacy through IVF or surrogacy

-mom was searching for her freedom and may have been rebellious

-her social circle was around more during this time and you may have had lots of play aunties and uncles growing up Lol

-may have been emotionally overwhelmed but didn’t show them so this is where the detachment comes from

-sees their child as a new friend coming along then your regular child-parent relationship

Pisces/12h

-may have lived near water or a water port city

-may have felt isolated and alone during pregnancy especially by your father and family

-may have travelled overseas or took a cruise

May have had some type of spiritual awakening during this time

-if mom is a creative, then she may have been doing lots of creative projects

-hopefully this isn’t the case to anyone who read this but this can indicate having a mom who served jail time during pregnancy

-may have did lots of daydreaming on the type of child you would be and put you up on a pedestal before you’re even born.

-you may be seen as a miracle child

This took forever for me to write lol but did any of it resonate with you regarding you and your mom. You and your child?

Tell me your stories! Book a reading with me!

#astrology #astrology community #knowledge #love astrology #astro observations #advanced astrology #moon astrology #mother astrology #healing

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missnight0wl · 7 months

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Let’s talk about Elton Elderberry – and why he’s a total bitch

First of all, I want to thank @thedoodlecat because a lot of the ideas I’ll discuss were formed during our conversations. So, credit where credit's due!

Secondly, I want to make it clear from the start that it’s not quite a theory, meaning: I personally don’t believe Jam City might take the story in this direction. However, I believe that a lot of it might be a leftover of what’s the story supposed to be. And yes, it can also be explained by the writers having no idea what they’re doing, but on the other hand, it ties in with many interesting details from the past, mostly from Y5. And I still believe that year was super important for the narrative.

Now, without further ado, let’s move on to Elton. Spoilers up to Y7Ch56.

Ok, so the first thing that really bothers me about Elton Elderberry is that he was well aware of the Crown of Mneme, how dangerous it can be, and he had to at least suspect that it might be in the Sunken Vault – and for all those years, he did absolutely fucking nothing.

And it’s quite problematic because there’s no way he just… didn’t know about MC and the Cursed Vaults. At the beginning of Y3, MC told us that pretty much everyone could learn about it from the Daily Prophet. And we know that the Ministry was especially aware of it. Even if we ignore Moody’s involvement starting from Y6, first with Rakepick and then with Peregrine, we also had the Ministry sending Tofty to spy on MC during our O.W.L.s because of the Cursed Vaults. And honestly, I just don’t buy the explanation that Elton somehow… just didn’t hear about it. So, like, what the hell?

Now, I can hear you saying: “Oh, but of course Elton didn’t do anything because he wasn’t a character yet and Jam City probably just created him now!”. And you know what? That’s a totally valid remark and quite probable explanation. Still, I kept thinking about it anyway, and I quickly noticed another problem with Elton: how we actually learnt that he was directly involved in Ryusaki’s death. I mean, look at those scenes:

And then after our visit to the Archives:

(I just have to point out that he’s fucking grinning here…)

… and then:

Do you see the problem here??

Imagine this. You meet Steve. Steve tells you about the mother who died in a car accident with her two children. Sadly, she was the one who caused the accident because she was under the influence. Later you learn on your own that the said mother was a model parent, always there for her children despite having two jobs, actually sober during the accident, rarely drunk at all, and in fact, it was Steve who caused the crash. When confronted, Steve admits to everything and says he feels terrible about it and it haunts him every day. Would you believe Steve that he’s so sorry? BECAUSE I DEFINITELY WOULDN’T. In fact, I’d do everything to stay away from Steve.

Now, again, I’m aware that it might be simply JC’s incompetence in making a connection between the Crown of Mneme and Dai Ryusaki – even though it could’ve been easily done without Elton actively portraying Ryusaki as a bad guy. For example:

Elton: I advise you to avoid the Crown at all costs. MC: I wonder if it has anything to do with the Dark Scroll… Elton: You don’t mean Dai Ryusaki’s Dark Scroll, do you? MC: That dark wizard? Yes, I do. Why? Do you know anything about it too? Elton: *not answering right away and looking very ashamed instead, showing already that he doesn’t want to reveal the truth because of his loyalty to the Ministry, but also showing his guilt*

And yes, I know it wouldn’t be the first time JC didn’t see the simplest solutions in their writing. But as I was thinking about it more, I realised that if we assume that Elton indeed knew about MC and the Cursed Vaults all that time and did nothing on purpose, it’s both surprising and fascinating how many things start to add up. In this scenario, Elton would also want to portray Ryusaki as a bad guy. I know it doesn’t fully work currently because, in the end, it was Elton who let us go to the Archives, but I guess it’s possible that originally, we were supposed to learn the truth about Ryusaki in some different way. And either way, I have to point out that there’s something very off in this part of the story no matter what. I mean, let me ask you one question:

Why exactly Dai Ryusaki was killed?

Because if you think about it, it was never really explained… properly. Like, we keep using words like “miscommunication” or “misunderstanding”.

But… how the fuck can you kill somebody because of misunderstanding? I guess we’re supposed to interpret it as: “The International Confederation of Wizards thought Dai wanted to use his invention to do bad things while he was actually trying to destroy his invention once he realised it’s dangerous”. However, this interpretation doesn’t really make sense. Why? Look at Ryusaki’s notes we found in the Archives.

Ryusaki seems absolutely certain that once he destroys what he was about to destroy, it’s done. He accepted that his work would be no more after that. And that makes me believe that nobody else (or almost nobody) knew about his work. Because otherwise, he’d have to realise that someone might try to replicate his work, right? Or even force him to simply repeat it? Yet he’s not worried about it. And the thing is that Ryusaki was a very intelligent, reasonable, and conscious man. So… how the hell the International Confederation of Wizards knew anything to misinterpret Ryusaki’s intentions?

Well, what if there was someone other than Ryusaki who knew about his work after all? But Dai completely trusted that person, so that’s why he was so sure the whole thing would remain secret? What if that person happened to work at the British Ministry of Magic? What if this person was…

Elton “The Bitch” Elderberry?

Ok, so I know that everything I said so far is a big assumption, but I swear it does make sense, so please, bear with me. And I’ll actually start by summarising what I believe how it all began and then I’ll elaborate on each element because it’s gonna be easier for me that way.

So, I believe that Dai Ryusaki and Elton Elderberry were once good friends. They were both quite talented wizards, and while they had different goals in life, they realised at some point that the treasure from the Cursed Vaults might help them achieve that. Together, they created a group that we know as R. Unfortunately for Elton, Dai realised eventually that both his own invention and the Cursed Vaults themselves are dangerous, so he decided to quit. Elton didn’t like it, and he was afraid that Dai would try to stop him as well, so he decided to be proactive about it. Using his position as a Hit Wizard at the Ministry, he sold Dai out, claiming he’s a dangerous dark wizard. Elton kept R alive ever since, and he was waiting for MC to be born because MC is necessary to open the final Cursed Vault.

Of course, I assume that the original plans for the final Cursed Vault were different than what we saw in Y6. Also, from that point, I’ll keep calling Elton “Brelton” because:

BITCH + R + ELTON = BRELTON

… and I just think this distinction might be useful because, as I said, I don’t think it might still be true, yet it seems that Elton Elderberry will stay in the story anyway. Ok, but let’s talk about some details.

Dai’s and Brelton’s goals

As for Dai’s goal, it’s pretty straightforward. It’s basically said directly in the game: he wanted to help people with traumatic memories. What would be Brelton’s goal then? Well, let me remind you one note from R we found in Y5:

The interesting thing about it is that for the longest time, it was the only case where it was mentioned that R had any interest in immortality. As soon as the Dark Scroll was introduced, we only talked about R wanting knowledge. I even talked with my friend about how weird it is that the writers totally abandoned the immortality aspect (Bee, I’m not tagging you because I don’t want you to feel obliged to read this long-ass post, but if you’re reading it anyway: Hi! I’m talking about you!). In fact, I’m pretty sure that the word “immortality” wasn’t even used in the main story after that note from R – until our conversation with Elton in Y7Ch49:

And you know what? I don’t think it’s just a coincidence. Because it’s not even true! Every time we talked about Ryusaki’s potion, it was about mind-enhancing potion.

So… what if it’s the leftover of the original plans for Elton’s character? What if it’s Brelton who was all about immortality? And now, JC just looked at the notes made by Matt London and his team and simply put the immortality potion in there without thinking if it made sense. I realise it feels like another stretch, but I have to point out that Elton’s old age is a little sus – and they stress all the time how old he is. I mean, wizards do live longer than Muggles, but most of them don’t live over 300 years. (There’s actually the HP wiki page about it.)

And the thing is that from the story point of view, it wasn’t even necessary to make Elton this old. Sure, it adds some flavour with the reveal that he was actually there when Dai was killed, but on the other hand, he mentions every now and then that his memory is not the best anymore etc. So, wouldn’t it be better if MC met Elton's son or grandson, for example? Personally, I think it would, and that’s why I’m gonna assume for the rest of this analysis that R was always about “enlightenment and immortality”, and that Dai Ryusaki represented the first element while Elton Elderberry the second one.

Why they needed the Cursed Vaults?

Ok, so now that we know what they wanted in general, let’s try to figure out why they went after the Cursed Vaults – and as I mentioned already, I assume that the original treasure was actually… well, a thing. I admit that I wasn’t able to figure out what exactly it could’ve been, but I have some ideas about what properties the Treasure could have, based on Dai’s and Brelton’s goals.

This time, let’s start with Brelton because it’s a bit easier. Basically, I believe that Brelton managed to invent something that grants semi-immortality, but it’s not the perfect invention. Sure, he’s still alive and his mind is not in the worst condition, but still. So, I think that he believes that the Treasure could improve his invention by granting actual immortality and/or eternal youth.

It’s a bit more complicated with Dai because we have to consider multiple elements. First of all, we have the mind-enhancing potion. The recipe for it was hidden on the Dark Scroll which was confirmed by the notes found by MC in the Archives. But earlier, MC also mentioned “a device”, and then they read: “I can’t bear to destroy my life’s work, but I know that I must. The scroll has already been hidden”. So… what exactly was he about to destroy? If we want to stick to the legend told by Corey, it might’ve been about the already-prepared potion. He might’ve also been referring to his research in general and his notes or something. But then we have the Crown of Mneme… And that’s quite interesting because we actually know that it’s something he found in Greece – which, by the way, confirms that the Crown was not something placed in the Cursed Vaults originally (I’ll return to it in a moment).

Either way, to simplify it a little bit, I’m gonna assume that Dai’s invention was about the Crown and the potion - and that together was considered his “device”. What about the Treasure then? I see a couple of options.

Perhaps the Treasure would give more control over the Crown or allow to exchange of thoughts both ways. I mean, what we saw in the game looked like the wearer could only send their thoughts, but if Dai wanted to treat patients with traumatic memories, he probably wanted to extract those memories.

Perhaps the Treasure could permanently remove/destroy traumatic memories. Because I don’t think you can actually do it with Obliviate, for example. I might be wrong, but I feel that there is always a small chance that the memory would come back or simply leave some mark behind it.

How the Crown of Mneme ended in the Sunken Vault?

So… If Dai was so certain that his invention was gone and to be forgotten, and on top of that I claim that he didn’t want to have anything to do with the Cursed Vaults, then how the hell the Crown of Mneme ended in the Sunken Vault? Well, I guess I won’t surprise anyone at this point by saying that it was Brelton who was behind it. And the best thing is that we actually know that R was in the Sunken Vault in the past – and that’s thanks to the note found in the Weird Sisters TLSQ:

So, this is what I propose. Brelton got the Crown of Mneme before Dai’s death somehow. I don’t think that Dai would just give it to him because I assume they already fell apart at that point. Or perhaps Brelton lied to Dai and offered that he’d destroy the Crown? Either way, he probably wasn’t planning to destroy it (as it might be useful for him), and he continued his search for the Cursed Vaults. Unfortunately for him, once he got to the Sunken Vault, he realised he couldn’t do anything without the key. And now, the key might be the Gillyweed/Coral Key Rakepick took from us in Y4, or maybe it’s about the siblings – or it’s both (like in my version of the story). Anyway, the Treasure was unachievable, so Brelton used this opportunity to hide the Crown of Mneme and just left.

Ryusaki and the creation of the Cabal

Ok, but why I assume that Dai Ryusaki even knew about the Cursed Vaults, to begin with? I just explained how it was probably Brelton who put the Crown in the Sunken Vault, and we don’t really have anything to prove that Dai needed the Treasure to improve his invention. Well, yeah. But we have something else. Something that I find very exciting. See, during our first trip to Knockturn Alley, we visited also Flourish and Blotts where we found a Black Quill containing this message:

And for the longest time, I was just… absolutely stumped by it. I couldn’t come up with any decent theory as to who left that note. But now, I do strongly believe that it was left by Dai Ryusaki. Brelton was too greedy to get his immortality and too afraid of his own mortality to leave the Cursed Vaults and refused to listen to his friend that it’s too dangerous. The note also talks about “them”, so maybe R had some more members at that point already (but only Dai and Elton knew everything). And you know what makes it even more fascinating? We found this Black Quill in the book by Maerwynn Montfort who’s a totally original author mentioned only in this specific scene in HPHM. Interestingly, Maerwynn is a feminine name that is of Welsh origin that means “joy”. And coincidently, Dai is a Welsh masculine given name (which means “beloved”), a hypocorism of Dafydd or David, as well as a masculine Japanese given name. Like…

Are you kidding me??

I mean, ok, sure. It might be just a coincidence. But you have to admit that it’s a pretty damn odd coincidence. Maybe Maerwynn was someone from Dai’s Welsh part of the family or just a friend whom he met there? Or maybe it’s just a pseudonym or something. But either way, it might be hinting at some (“Welsh”) connection. And that’s why they were exchanging secret information!

Still, that’s not even all I finally realised about the note. Because I also believe that it confirms that the Cabal from Jacob’s notebook is a different group than R – and I think that it was Dai Ryusaki who started that group.

Ok, so I explained the whole idea in this post. It’s one of my shorter analyses so I recommend checking it out. But to put it even shorter, my problem with the note from Y5Ch15 was always that Jacob was confused about why the Cabal wanted to kill him.

But R was very open about threatening Jacob and especially his family, so… it shouldn’t be surprising at all. He might’ve been confused if he was doing everything R told him to do – but then it doesn’t make sense that R would want to kill Jacob and MC. I mean, after Duncan’s death, they clearly told him to continue his search.

So, I always interpreted the Cabal as a separate group who wanted to protect the Cursed Vaults by killing the siblings because the siblings are necessary to get to the Treasure. And if we join it with the note from Flourish and Blotts, it totally adds up. Dai realised that the Cursed Vaults were dangerous and wanted to stop R. Brelton wouldn’t listen, so Dai wanted to destroy the vault portrait which, assumingly, would make it impossible to get to the Portrait Vault. On top of that, he started the group that was supposed to make sure that nobody would ever get hurt by the Vaults by killing the siblings (who can get the Treasure). It was about the creation of the Cabal this whole time!

Brelton as the true leader of R

In general, I have to say that Brelton being the true leader of R just makes more sense. In this scenario, it’d also mean that Peregrine is just… a current face of the organisation. A puppet. And yes, I keep saying that I don’t believe that Perry was always planned to be a part of the story, so why do I even mention him? Well, to be completely honest, I’m willing to accept that Perry was planned along with Dai and Brelton’s story – just not as MC’s father. Because it makes sense that Brelton would want to keep his position at the Ministry, and if so, he’d probably need someone to (occasionally) represent R. And that could be Peregrine. In fact, we saw some moments when the leader of R was treated weirdly ambiguous. The first case is our conversation with Rakepick in Azkaban. And yes, I know that we didn’t know about Peregrine then yet, so it kind of makes sense to leave it more ambiguous, but I want to point out a specific thing Rakepick said.

Honestly, I was always confused by it because “the one behind it all” sounds like someone who also created R, at least in my opinion. On the other hand, we had hints in the past that R is a rather older organisation. Not to mention that Perry claimed that he joined R, meaning that R was R before the current leader joined them. Of course, it is possible that Perry lies. It is also possible that the title of R is simply given to each leader. But… I don’t know. Rakepick’s words sound to me like she is talking about only one person. However, if that one person is actually Brelton, it makes sense that he’s both the current true leader and the one responsible for creating the organisation.

My other issue is with Olivia’s memories. Because Rakepick is very clearly talking to someone from R in those scenes, but for whatever reason we never learn who it was.

So, what if it was actually supposed to be Brelton? And speaking of that, ever since we learnt that Olivia was working at the Ministry, I thought it was pretty suspicious, and I fully expected that R was controlling that. And what a coincidence that Elton became Olivia’s mentor for all those years…

Hell, it’d even make more sense why Verucca is so damn worried about Perry being cursed by Ryusaki’s amulet. Because if Brellton indeed betrayed Dai, then it could mean that it’s Brelton who’s the real target of that whole revenge plan. The curse might be simply generalising it because, well, it’s just a spirit that’s basically the essence of Ryusaki’s anger. But if Verucca knows about everything as a high-ranking member of R, then yeah, she’d try to stop Perry from hurting their dear leader Brelton.

And… that’s it!

Once again, like I said, I do not expect the game to confirm any of the things I discussed above. But that being said, I feel very confident about pretty much everything I said. And even though it took me months to finally write it all down, I have to say that putting it together was really fun and exciting. Who knows, maybe it’s the last time I feel like that about HPHM theory, at least when it comes to relatively new content. But even if so, I’m kind of glad that I got some semi-closure to the things that were bothering me.

#long post #hogwarts mystery #hphm #elton elderberry #dai ryusaki #hphm mc #olivia green #patricia rakepick #hphm peregrine #hphm r #the cabal #cursed vaults #brelton theory #analysis post #theory #hphm theory

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revserrayyu · 27 days

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2.1 Penacony thoughts [part1]

**Mild spoiler warning** until the first moment we switch to Aventurine’s POV in the story and I don’t think much has happened yet, but if you haven’t reached that point yet, then turn away anyway if you wish I’m just gonna ramble a bit here and toss my thoughts into the void for my own reference.

Firstly, the return of the odd yellow text and Aventurine calling us ~fuh-riends~ in that hilarious and exaggerated tone of his.

Makes me wonder whom else has perished during their time in Penacony, and if it’s true, then the Family certainly has experience with covering such things up which raises many other concerns. Also gives me another reason to not fully trust Sunday.

Oh teehee~ We got Aventurine’s number. And some extra credits due to my responses, HA. sugardaddy

As we learned from a beautifully animated dance animation, Black Swan certainly knows how dangerous Acheron can be.

he whole flashback with Duke & Acheron was pretty good. It at least gives us more context rather than us being told he was killed offscreen, but still confirms the dude is dead, though he mentions the kids are alive, somehow. Duke also guessed that Acheron’s an Emanator (though he’s wrong about which path), then there was some important music box that gets brought up later on, and Acheron speaks of her sword that has indeed been sheathed this entire time, even during the 2.0 story.

At the very end of the scene it fades to black and Acheron full says: “May death be the end of your boundless dream, guiding you back to the waking world,” which I remember is the exact thing she said after witnessing Firefly’s death.

Sweetie, you’re a big mystery but it does not surprise me in the slightest to learn that you’re wanted by the IPC after witnessing your power in your many trailers. Hearing her speak about the Stellaron Hunters though made me think back to her character trailer, since I wondered if she even knew who was attacking her in the first place, but perhaps she did, even if the trio was nothing but Sparkle’s tricky illusions.

It was kinda funny seeing her get lost occasionally in the hotel during the previous story update, but now I feel bad knowing that she has horrible memory. Having to rely on your emotions seems quite challenging if you don’t have a good control of them, but she seems to be fairing well enough.

Tell us your suspicions Acheron! I mean, I have my guesses as well, but I’d take your word over anyone else’s.

It was at this moment where I had a real random idea and thought, “huh, could this be Boothill?” I found it strange how they revealed him to us when we haven’t even met the dude in game yet, like he really came in outta nowhere for me. But seeing Sam again and realizing how both of them have robotic bodies.. I dunno. I thought it could’ve been an extra set of armor or something.

Of course it makes no sense, since Sam & Boothill have different voice actors anyways, but still, the way Acheron speaks so familiar to him, as if they were both truly galaxy rangers, gave me second thoughts for just a brief moment. Nothing more. Just a small silly idea.

The return of the worrisome red text, capable of causing anxiety even through such a small word. With her horrible memory, I assume she’s not even sure what she’s supposed to be doing in life, so asking about Elio’s script and if she’s included made me think she’s trying to learn about her purpose and her own goals.

Say it loud, mom! We shall NOT. TRUST. ANYONE! And at this moment I seriously don’t. If they ain’t from the Express then you’re sus. Case closed.

Glad to see Danny boy lending us a helping hand from the train, but red text begone! First learning about how Acheron has terrible memory and now we can’t even remember her well? That can’t be good.

I firmly believed that if you die in the dream, you would just wake up in real life, so thank whatever Aeon you fancy that we’re finally getting the idea to head back into reality to confirm if Firefly and Robin are still alive. Maybe we should check up on those couple npcs that passed away during side quests too.

The way I held my breath.. I don’t even know much about HI3 but I’m aware our grandpa is more or less the same guy, so seeing him interact with some like Acheron, oh dear. The way Acheron still didn’t reveal her true name to him made me more wary too. I get she might not even remember, because poor memory, but hmmm.

I can understand her having some Stellaron Hunter knowledge because she’s wanted just like them, but ma’am why do you know this?? especially since the Family doesn’t even know the truth about Welt’s cane apparently.

Can’t lie, a fight between him and Acheron would be a spectacle. Who do you think would win?

Again, how does she know this? Has she been chatting with Aventurine? because he figured out our stellaron last patch too.

First thought: yay, she’s worried about us. Second thought: why would she be concerned about Black Swan? Shouldn’t it be the other way around after their dance? Third thought: What exactly is Black Swan capable of and how frightened should I be right now? Fourth thought: Acheron, why do you know so much about others??

So this music box.. why exactly does Black Swan have it now? Didn’t Acheron snatch it from Duke Inferno? Was she planning to give it to BS, or did memokeeper steal it off her? I dunno.

Is it me or does it feel like she’s talking to someone else? Another memokeeper? Or just to herself for dramatic effect? Either way, who exactly are we expecting to show up?

I honestly was getting a bit creeped out during this scene, from the weird camera angles the game was giving is to seeing Black Swan not understand what was going on or who was speaking to her. I actually started fearing for her life and I made a stunning realization that if they killed off BS I would actually freak out. Surprisingly, I wasn’t too upset over Firefly (we didn’t spend much time with her), but it feels like we’ve know BS for longer you know? Ever since that trailer about all the Aeons.

I can hear Luocha somewhere in the distance going “the dead return!” I tease, but actually hearing one of those from Ever-Flame Mansion call out to BS was a bit confusing? Duke said his kids were alive, sure, but BS is looking at past memories attached to the music box, right? So I’m still a bit on the fence regarding who out of the kids are actually alive. Maybe some, maybe all. Maybe I’m being played for a fool and thinking about it too much.

How many of y’all got excited to see Ratio interact with Aventurine again? I know you people are out there. Anyways, hearing about how Robin had a stand-in leads me to believe her death was planned, which would upset me greatly because what did that precious lady ever do to anyone??

It’s crazy this man has actually tried several times to end himself inside the dreams, like bro what if you actually succeeded?? At least this shod bring us some relief that Firefly and Robin are okay? Hopefully? I’ll believe when I see them.

I freakin' knew there was something wrong with her voice!! The first couple times we meet her you can tell her voice sounded off, like it was glitching out or something. It’s not very easy to hear, but the difference between the real Robin and Sparkle impersonating Robin towards the end of the last patch sounded different. No wonder Sunday picked up on Sparkle’s trick so easily.

Soooo, that’s pretty much everything I went through after the update hit. Unfortunately it isn’t much but adulting is a drag. Of course I’m looking forward to continuing the story later on. Starting with these men again will be a treat too.

(originally written on 3/27)

#honkai star rail #aventurine #black swan #acheron #sam #welt yang #dr ratio #gameplay #revsposts

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