#tumblr post filled with info i didn't know

[thankskenpenders]

And now for something new

So, here's something I was never planning on doing, but I just couldn't shake the idea... Thanks Ken Penders is gaining a sister blog featuring an entirely different comic franchise!

Introducing... Thanks Steve Ditko, a blog where I read the Earth-616 Spider-Man comics, starting all the way back in the '60s! It's gonna be much more casual and less thorough than how I run things here on TKP, though, which I'll explain in a sec.

If seeing me post weird bits from old Spider-Man comics sounds fun and you need no further info, then just head right on over to Thanks Steve Ditko. But for longtime TKP readers, I know you probably have questions...

Number one: Why?

Spider-Man's always been my favorite superhero, and with the Spider-Verse movies kicking ass and my excitement building for the new Insomniac game, I've been in a Spidey mood. Inevitably, a thought occurred to me: Maybe I should actually read the comics that everything else is built off of and see the wildly varying contributions of all the original creators, rather than filtering them through big budget adaptations. If I can power through One Piece and all these other manga with hundreds of chapters, it can't be that hard... right?

And, well, after a few issues I quickly realized that my options were to either clog up my other accounts with random Spider-Man panels for years, or to just make a side blog. And so the side blog was born.

Two: Will this blog replace Thanks Ken Penders?

NO!!!!!!!!!

Okay but prove it

To allow the two to exist side-by-side, Thanks Steve Ditko will have a different format than what Thanks Ken Penders developed. Rather than an in-depth guided tour that critically analyzes every story beat of every issue, TSD will just be a place for amusing panels and brief thoughts as I casually read the comics at my own pace.

If you've seen me make a few tweets about reading Spider-Man recently, I'm basically just moving that to a dedicated Tumblr. It's a place for me to dump these things so that it doesn't fill up my media tab on Twitter for the next decade. (You know, assuming Twitter is still around in a decade.) There will be many issues where I only post two panels that I thought were funny. There will be issues where I don't have anything to say at all. Maybe I'll reach a run that I just cannot get into, and I start skipping around more. Who knows!

This may sound similar to what I thought this blog would be before it blew up. Aside from the simple fact that there's already mountains of Spider-Man commentary out there and therefore less of a void for me to fill, one of the main steps I'll be taking to avoid repeating the past is not enabling an ask box on TSD. I do not need people to ask me to go into ten times more detail on everything. I do not need to write seven essay-length responses to questions about Spider-Man minutiae every day. I do not need a place for people to chide me for not covering certain scenes, issues, or ancillary series.

It also won't have any kind of update schedule. I'm trying to keep it very casual. I'm reading these comics at my own pace, and if I feel like sharing a moment or commenting on something while doing so? It goes there. That's it.

(On the subject of format changes, I'm also listing the issue, writer, and penciller in the body of every post. This is a thing I wish I'd done on TKP so that people didn't misattribute every weird Archie Sonic panel I post to Penders.)

Three: So when will TKP come back from hiatus? You said it'd come back after you finished SLARPG!

I don't know! Sorry. I have a couple things on the backburner right now for TKP, but I'm not sure when I'll get back to proper updates where I read more comics.

I wanted to bring TKP back this year, and that's still possible. The main hurdle is that I want to reread my own archive (again) as a refresher, which is, uh. A lot of posts. I've developed a high standard for myself on here, and I feel like I wouldn't be doing my job right if I forgot half the ongoing subplots and character arcs and didn't bring them up in my analysis. Especially when I'm discussing the work of an author as obsessed with continuity as Ian Flynn. Unfortunately, the nature of this blog means that every time I go on another long hiatus for Life Reasons I have even more comic continuity to catch up on than last time.

(This is a big part of why I'm making Thanks Steve Ditko an extremely casual blog instead of promising to become a Lore Expert on 60+ years of Marvel.)

Mostly I've just been very burnt out this year after having finally finished a video game that took almost eight years to make. I haven't really had the energy for any creative projects, including TKP. But I feel a little bit of a spark here with Spider-Man, so I'm chasing that feeling to try to get back into the swing of blogging about comics - no pun intended.

So, basically, bear with me on this as I start this low-energy side project. But hopefully folks will enjoy Thanks Steve Ditko as its own thing, too.

Look forward to goofy shit like this

#tkp post

[tamlinweek]

Tamlin Creator Appreciation: lucychanart

This week, we're giving a shout out to @lucychanart, who only recently started posting ACOTAR art, for which we are eternally grateful. Their first solo piece of Tamlin had us sweatin.

(art is posted by Lucy here, please click and give them lots of love!)

"I don't even know what to say, except this art fills a void I didn't know I had: Bleeding big titted men draped in chains and spikes"

Please check out Lucy's page on tumblr for more beautiful Tamlin/Tamcien art! To submit more Tamlin creators, fill out the form here! For info on Tamlin Week, check out our pinned post.

#acotar #a court of thorns and roses #pro tamlin #tamlin #fanart #tamlin art #creator appreciation #tamlin creator appreciation #lucychanart

[dystopicjumpsuit]

DJ's Follower Celebration!!!

Hi friends! I recently hit a follower milestone that absolutely blew my mind; I never really expected anyone to be particularly interested in my work, let alone this many of you. I am constantly blown away by your talent, insight, and creativity. I'm so grateful for every single one of you, and I want to celebrate YOU!

With that in mind, I'm going to be opening requests to create Datafiles like the one I made for Cerra for your Star Wars OCs. I've created three different versions: a Grand Army of the Republic Personnel Datafile, a Jedi Archive Member Record Datafile, and an ISB Suspect Datafile. Here are some examples of what they look like:

Transcripts in alt text.

Here's what you need to do to participate:

Submit an Ask with your OC's name and the artwork you'd like me to use. The artwork should have either a plain or a transparent background, and the filesize needs to be smaller than 25MB.

Fill out this form to tell me what information you'd like included in your OC's datafile.

Reblog this post to spread the word so other folks can participate, too.

That's it! Detailed rules are below the cut:

Rules:

Since this is intended to celebrate my followers, this event is only open to folks who follow me. I will be checking.

Each blog can submit a maximum of two requests.

Once I've created the Datafile, I'll answer your Ask with the PNG and the transcript. Feel free to share and repost them elsewhere, but it would be lovely if you could give me credit; I worked hard on these!

Requests will be filled in the order in which they are received; please be patient as it takes time to create the Datafiles.

I will not begin working on a request until I receive BOTH the Tumblr Ask AND the info form response.

By submitting your OC info, you agree to allow me to edit the text if necessary to fit in the template without consulting you ahead of time.

If you use a Picrew or similar to create your OC artwork, please include the link in your ask to credit the creator. By submitting artwork, you affirm that you have a right to share and transform/edit the artwork, and that you are giving me permission to share/edit the artwork as well.

Don't submit inappropriate images, please. I'm a delicate kriffing flower.

Do not submit hateful content.

I reserve the right to ignore a request for any reason.

Tips for success:

Keep it succinct; it's fine to use truncated, abrupt sentences. Sometimes they make it sound more official, and remember, I have limited space in the templates. I'll do my best to accommodate what you submit, but I might need to edit the text to fit (see Rule 6).

Think about whether the organization creating the Datafile would know/care to include the information. Examples of things to include: injuries sustained in battle (particularly if they were severe/debilitating); special/unusual Force abilities; an explanation of why a Jedi padawan switched masters; outstanding warrants. Examples of things that might be less relevant: petty crimes that the ISB wouldn't necessarily investigate (keeping in mind that they're more like the FBI/CIA/NSA than the local PD); minor injuries sustained outside of combat (like a black eye from a barfight at 79's); favorite snack when they were a youngling in the Jedi temple creche (unless they're STILL a youngling in the Jedi temple creche).

Remember that the ISB stands for Imperial Security Bureau, so they wouldn't have a file during the Clone Wars. Similarly, the Jedi Archive and GAR records wouldn't reference the ISB Datafile (though ISB certainly could have access to Jedi and GAR records).

Think about the perspective of the person creating the record; if it's ISB, they might accuse your OC of a serious crime that they didn't commit (or exaggerate a minor crime to look more severe than it actually was) for the sake of propaganda.

Have fun with it! "Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking" is a fantastic trope for a reason!

Thank you all so very much for being such a lovely, welcoming group! I can't wait to celebrate with you!

I used these picrews to create the OC artwork for the examples: GAR; ISB; Jedi Archive.

Ragu list:

@secondaryrealm @sev-on-kamino spicy-clones @wings-and-beskar @523rdrebel @merkitty49 @anxiouspineapple99 @sinfulsalutations @arcsimper5 @starrylothcat @clio3kantarella @cloneloverrrrr @goblininawig @ladytano420 @arctrooper69 @wolffegirlsunite @sunshinesdaydream @mandos-mind-trick @littlemissmanga @stunkbiggu @starqueensthings @clonemedickix @marierg @idontgetanysleep @moonlightwarriorqueen @dudewhynotthis @sleepycreativewriter @tcwmatchmakingau @littlemissbshine @multi-fan-dom-madness @heavenseed76 @wizardofrozz @bobaprint @sweetcream-coldfoam @banksys-rat @skellymom @pickleprickle @trixie2023 @mythical-illustrator @dickarchivist @cw80831 @kimiheartblade @meredithroseg @flyiingsly

#follower celebration #follower appreciation #dystopicjumpsuit's follower celebration #star wars #star wars oc #jedi oc #clone trooper oc

[ape-apocalypse]

Road To The Kingdom - My Planet Of The Apes Retrospective

With the hype for Kingdom Of The Planet Of The Apes on the rise, I decided to do a bit of a deep dive into the trilogy of reboot movies starring the incredible Andy Serkis and the various tie-in titles.

Why ramble on about a series that most people seem to overlook? Well, I think back to an interaction I had here on Tumblr in 2017, just one week before War For The Planet Of The Apes came out. While scrolling through the POTA tags, I found a post that wondered if anyone was actually excited for the new film or if the studio hadn't gotten the message and was making it for an audience that didn't exist. I responded that I was genuinely excited for the new film, that I loved the motion capture apes and the action scenes and the surprisingly engaging story, and would be seeing it opening weekend. The other person seemed surprised by my honest answer and apologized for their snarkiness (a truly shocking turn of events in the history of the Internet!).

I explained that I'd gone into these films thinking of them like Jurassic World series; I wasn't there for a great story and deep writing, I just wanted to see dinosaurs destroy things. So when I went into the POTA films, just expecting to see fun action movies with monkey chaos and apocalyptic results, I was surprised that I was swept up in the characters and their stories. I loved seeing the life of Caesar from tiny carefree baby to resilient revolutionary to fearsome leader, and the lives of all the humans and apes around him. The other poster said they hadn't actually seen the movies, just expected them to be shallow cash-grabs on reboot nostalgia, but they might have to reconsider giving them a shot after my enthusiastic response.

So if I can sway the minds of anyone who has written off these films, more movie tickets sold might mean more films and other media told in this ape apocalypse world!

And even if you already know and love the films, I also want to give some love to tie-in materials. Books, comics, YouTube shorts, video games; POTA has a surprisingly large catalog of bonus material for a series not considered mainstream like Marvel or Lord Of The Rings or Star Trek. I don't see them get many mentions in the fandom so hope a little spotlight on them can help them shine. They have delicious tidbits of world-building and character backstory, filling in gaps between the movies. I already have my fingers crossed there will be some tie-in material covering some of the huge time jump between War and Kingdom. With three hundred years passing between them, there is so much to learn about the ever growing and changing ape societies. I'm eager for any scrap of info they'll share!

But really, even if nothing I write changes anyone's mind about this franchise, it's still fun to gush about one of my favorite fictional universes.

My brief history with POTA was that I didn't know much about the original films before going into the new Andy Serkis trilogy. I'd heard enough about the original film to know the main beats of the first movie (quotes like 'damn dirty ape', the reveal of the planet being Earth with the Statue of Liberty). I saw the Tim Burton film which didn't leave any kind of impression other than the incredibly realistic costumes/make-up, so much so that I was apprehensive of the CG apes. Since getting into the new films, I've started watching the originals and may cover those just for fun.

So whether you're a long-time die hard fan or a fresh face to Caesar's legacy, I hope you'll enjoy my thoughts on the Planet of the Apes franchise!

Links to all my posts as they are released:

- Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes Film

- Prelude and Contagion Comics

- Motherboard YouTube Shorts

- Firestorm Tie-In Novel

- Fall Of Man Comics

- Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes Film

- Dawn Tie-In Comic

- Revelations Tie-In Novel

- Last Frontier Video Game

- Crisis Video Game

- When Worlds Collide Comics

- War For The Planet Of The Apes Film

- War Tie-In Comic

- Caesar's Story Novel

#planet of the apes #kingdom of the planet of the apes #dawn of the planet of the apes #war for the planet of the apes #rise of the planet of the apes #caesar #andy serkis #war of the planet of the apes #reboot pota #pota #mine #maurice #koba #nova #video game #comic #book #revelations #firestorm #last frontier #crisis #contagion #motherboard #before the dawn

[lahjakaaryleet]

ADDITIONAL INFOS ABOUT THE LAHJAKÄÄRULEET + GOOGLE FORM

the gift you make doesn't have to be christmas themed ( i realised some people are genuinely unsure about that ; didn't cross my mind at all when making the post) really any theme is fine, just see what your recipient wants y'know

it doesn't have to be shippy if that's not your thing, you can always mention duos and characters you'd like to see interract platonically, since i know rpf isn't everyone's cup of tea<3

ABOUT THE FORM :

i slightly changed the first question

because this whole thing is organized on tumblr (and even if running after people on other socials can be doable for me) i don't think everyone's secret santa has instagram or tiktok or whatever, and you can only send anon asks on tumblr so please, prioritize putting your TUMBLR url or @ in the answer

Why do i keep mentioning anon asks? because i know it can be fun to drop some nice christmas puns in people's inbox, or to tease the advancement of your gift to the person... and more importantly, to ask them details about their preferences! like "hey you mentionned XYZ in your prompt section, can you tell me more about that? - signed your secret santa" or whatever. i saw that a lot in the other secret santas i participated in, and it's pretty useful. and please try to give precises answers, it's always easier to work with than a "whatever's fine" <3

I probably should have added a question asking what can you put on the table? willit be writing? drawing? whatever else? unsure? just know that you can change your answer to the form, i allowed that option on purpose, in case you change your mind about anything or want to add complementary informations!

when it comes to the gift you're making, the prompts mentioned by your assigned person is just a suggestion, obviously don't make something about a topic you hate, and don't force yourself on anything ! if you have preferences on gift-making, you can mention it on the form, under the "organisation" question!

i will do my best to not pair people who are clearly incompatible together, but remember it is chosen at random, so you can't exactly chose who to pick, that's the point of the game! (but you can put in the form who /not/ to pick, can be more than 1 person)

i hope i managed to clear things up kfjhkdfh if anything else comes to my mind, i will reblog and add it to this post.

Reminder : you can register by filling this google form until the 30 november

#useful info #information #update #käärijä #secret lahjakääryleet 2023 #lahjakääryleet23

[books]

All Good things...

That's a wrap on our #Tumblr Writing Workshop with Betts! Thank you to all the writers who have joined us on this journey. We hope you've enjoyed writing your prompt fills as much as we've enjoyed reading them! For anybody who missed it or didn't have time to write these past weeks, here's a recap of all the workshop posts and prompts for you to return to at your leisure.

Intro post

Week 1: Show & Tell

Week 2: Paying Attention

Week 3: Stories of a Place

Week 4: A Narrative Imperative

Featured Writing

Thank you to @bettsfic for running this workshop! Read on below the cut for some closing words and info on how to continue this writing journey.

From @bettsfic:

If you’ve filled any of the prompts these past four weeks, I would love to know what your biggest takeaways have been. What new insights have you gained about your own writing? Have any of your perspectives or goals changed as a writer? Feel free to sit on this one for a while; I know that it takes a long time for me to reflect on the things I’ve learned. So I welcome you to send me an ask or tag me in a post at any point in the future. My favorite thing is when writers update me on their progress and growth.

In parting, I want to share my lowkey writing-related newsletter, in which I write about craft and process as well as offer a roundup of all the writing advice asks I answer on my Tumblr. I also provide updates on the Fanauthor Workshop (currently accepting applications!) and OFIC Magazine. If you’re pleased with any of your prompt fills from our workshop, you’re welcome to submit them (or any other original work) to OFIC. Submissions for Issue #8 open September 1st. 

Lastly, if you’re interested in one-on-one guidance and feedback on your writing, I’m a full-time writing coach. I help writers at all levels reach their goals, whether that’s completing a novel, querying agents, or applying to creative writing graduate programs. Here are some testimonials from current clients. 

#tumblr writing workshop with betts #writers on tumblr #writeblr #workshop masterpost #ficblr #writeblr community #writers' room #writing community

[demi-s-fucked-up-dog]

Because Muffin has made it to round 3 of @splatoonpolls' OC tourney, I'm gonna post some more doodles from my sketchbook! Including one giving some other bonus facts that I didn't include in the last as they were, relatively unimportant to her character...

OK NOW FOR THE FACTS!!

Transcript of the facts in case you can't read my shitty hand writing:

Her dad was a jellyfish and her mom was a humboldt, her dad being a jelly made her very squishy and stretchy (arrow pointing at her says "silly putty")

She ate a buncha canned specials (with the can) when she was 16 so she's constantly charged with special charge (Arrows pointing at her and her tummy say "She's like an electric eel" and "Full of metal" respectively)

She can recharge this energy by eating, don't overfeed her tho. She'd get a tummy ache, and probably release a buncha electricity

Even if I don't win, I'd appreciate your vote and if you're interested in her in any way feel free to ask about her!!

(the rest of the doodles I mentioned are under the cut)

(Octoling featured here is an OC which belongs to @muchasgrasasunsaludoalagrasa, called Wakko, he doesn't really post his own stuff on tumblr but i wanted to give him credit since we're really close friends)

Also here's a transcript of this text too in case you can't read it:

W: "Why are you playin' N-Zap? You're better with brush." M: "Oh, you'll see when the match starts!" (background inkling idk): "Yo Tacticooler--" M: "Nah, these are for me, I'm Thirsty"

I'm sure this one is clear what it says but either way it says: "Me petting my nuclear bomb"

this one maybe counts as also bonus facts but it's mostly stuff I've already established, I'll only list the things you might not know in the transcript (also hehe ignore the part of me drawing her and agent 4 kissing that's not important :3c)

Agent^3 (Agent to-the-power-of Three) (Cube for short)

She shows up every tuesday at 3PM to train with the Captain

Birthday on April 28th

She's Afro Latina

And lastly,

ok tahts all, if u want to check out the previous Muffin Propaganda (which included a buncha info on her if you're curious) here's the link to that:

sorry about how long this is I copy and pasted each individual drawing because i dont wanna fill up my hard drive on my pc, i guess that way she takes up more space in ur brain or something idk ok bye

#splatoon 3 #splatoon oc #splatoon #inkling #splatoon oc tourney #oc propaganda #Muffin (Splatoon OC) #inkling oc #splatoon art #splat3 #splatoonpolls

[necros-writing-stuff]

The Eden Analysis/Lore Dump.

Part one of idk, we'll see.

Note: all sources are Vrel confirmed. This means scenes written by or approved of by Vrel, as well as Vrel's posts on the blog. There is additional info from people asking Vrel things on discord, but idk if all of these are confirmed so I've left them out. A lot of Eden scenes are not included due to controversy around them being OOC (these were not Vrel made scenes).

All info is collected up to the date of 19th September 2022, game update 0.3.11.

Tumblr doesn't like a lot of photos, so I'll keep them out of this, but if you'd like to see screenshots of the lore I've compiled I'll be able to show you in another post or an ask.

Discussion welcome about points made!

Warnings for: Eden being Eden meaning noncon, petplay and pred/prey, but various forms of child abuse mentioned in theorising their past.

Who is Eden?

The basics. Eden is a hunter in the forest of DoL. They do not like the town, they don't like technology or modernised ways of living, and they are not afraid to be an asshat. They kidnap and rape the player character, as well as putting them in a collar or even a cage later on.

Eden does not like animals and warns PC to stay away from them. They also don't like people that much.

What are they like in the present?

Eden's schedule is filled by them having breakfast, getting ready for the day, tending their crops, going out hunting, preparing any catches, chopping wood, having a bath, maybe having dinner, and then sitting around reading or tending their gun.

PC is able to clean and organise the cabin, help Eden farm, clean and gather things outside of the cabin, fix Eden's clothes, cook any food they have, and since Eden has no electricity or plumbing, they'll likely have to fill the bath by boiling pails of water one at a time.

Prior to PC, Eden would have had to do all of this by themself. This helps explain why their home is so spartan. It explains why the crop field is all weedy, why the spring is dirty and why they have no mushrooms. It simply would have been to time consuming when they already has so much to do.

Eden's favourite hobby seems to be reading. Despite not doing well in school, they enjoy old literature that quite often is worded in ways that take a little bit of know-how to fully understand. I don't think Eden was bad at school because they're stupid. I think they dropped out of school because they had too much going on at the time to put effort in.

Their anti-modern stance could be worsened due to how much tech would have advanced while Eden was in the forest. We don't know how long exactly past "a very long time," but I'd wager Eden watched things on VHS and has no idea what a Netflix or Amazon Prime is. Lack of knowledge in something can often lead to fear.

Eden also used to have quite the libido. This has since been reduced from what it used to be, but the hunter and PC can still go at it roughly 12 times a day depending on lust and other things.

We see that Eden is quite insecure in their appearance. Vrel says that they've "Whipped themself into a state of anxiety over it." Whether this is because of their toned form or the scars they have is up for debate, as both could be from life in the forest.

Eden hates going into town. They wish they didn't have to make supply runs, but the forest doesn't give Eden nails to make repairs. It doesn't provide bullets for hunting. Eden's hatred of town is a funny thing, because in the first scene where they drag PC back home at low love everyone fears them. This fear could be from childhood.

We also see that Eden has their anal and oral virginities. They used to have a hand holding one, but this is no longer the case.

Eden's behaviour towards PC is very controlling. From spanking to collars to cages, they aren't afraid to put them in their place - below the hunter and obedient to them.

The hunter has been described by Vrel as "quite vanilla." This is a curious description, especially as Vrel also said that they'd be intrigued by a PC wanting to taste their blood. Eden also engages in pet play adjacent things, as well as predator/prey. It could be that Eden is rather vanilla compared to most other people in the game, rather than vanilla themself. A lot of the pet play we do see from Eden (and even the spanking) is something they do as a punishment. It could therefore be argued that their hatred of animals translates into these moments where PC is not what they want. Eden therefore treats them as one.

However, Eden is loyal and certainly expects it back. Vrel says that they will not cheat and will be driven to violence and punishment if PC does.

One more point from the present: Eden is said to distrust the temple. They don't know Jordan or Syd, however. Yet Eden is unaware of Ivory Wraith, even if Wraith seems to show some curiosity towards them in scenes involving both of them. Eden could perhaps not believe in the supernatural or religion and be seen as a heathen by the temple when they were around town.

What do we know about their past?

Not much to be honest. Eden outright refuses to talk about it beyond some cryptic things. We know that they didn't do well at school, we know they've been in the forest for a long ass time, and we know that they don't want to talk about their family.

The only proper connection Eden seems to have to the outside world is Bailey. What started as a theory of Bailey and Eden knowing each other more than as just client and seller is pretty much confirmed. The theory started with Eden chucking after PC asks them where they got their magazine from. Eden replies "An old friend," as they draw PC in closer. This, along with the fact that Eden somehow can buy you from Bailey, set off the theories. Vrel more recently said on the blog that "Bailey and Eden do interact outside that, but scarcely."

The most popular theory on how they met was that Eden was orphaned as a child, either through abandonment and abuse or a harsh death of their family. Bailey was either another orphan or a child Eden met at school.

Vrel mentioned on the blog that Eden dropped out of school before they could graduate - and even knew Winter - so it is possible that Eden left and ran straight into the forest or that they left to get a job. Perhaps illegal jobs with Bailey.

Regardless, a life as an abused orphan with no family also helps explain the bareness of the cabin. They have nothing sentimental worth keeping.

I do theorise that Eden is keeping something of importance. Perhaps Bailey gave them something important to look after out there.

After all, there are many around the same age as Bailey and Eden (both said to be in their 30s by Vrel) who they could have issues with. Briar, Landry, Remy, even Quinn. With Bailey working for Quinn, it is possible that Eden did something against Quinn that means they have to hide. Maybe Bailey did something against Quinn and Eden took the blame as they were already wanting to leave into the forest.

If Eden has pissed off someone important it could add to their fear of town. As mentioned above, people clearly fear them when they are around. Its highly unlikely that Eden would be a target - unless it's by someone paid to do it. Perhaps by someone rich like Quinn, Briar or Remy. Maybe even Leighton. Or, Eden's past abuse simply clouds their perception of themself due to how long they've been alone. This is emphasised by when someone asked Vrel if Eden would accept a yandere PC stalking them. Vrel said it "could work." Does Eden really fear being victimised? Or would this be a special case as they'd like PC?

The "Eden was an orphan" theory also means Bailey likely gained the role of caretaker as Eden was leaving or had left. With Bailey being around the same age its highly unlikely that they were the caretaker at the time. The abuse Eden faced either as an orphan by another caretaker or at the hands of their family may have been worse than what we see PC goes through. Sexual abuse is a probability. We don't know how Eden lost their virginites. We don't know if they were abused, the abuser themself, or if it was consensual. It also could explain Eden's closed mouth on their issues. They could have been taught that sharing that stuff was weak and to bottle it all up.

Eden's need for control does imply that they were hurt indeed. The animal hatred element is obvious, in the forest with aggressive creatures it is nigh impossible that Eden hasn't had some bad run-ins. Maybe even some sexual ones they didn't consent to. The temple could also be involved with this, fueling Eden's distrust of them.

So how does this theorised past impact PC?

I'd argue that Eden sees themself as a saviour to PC in a way. If Eden found peace living in this way after a childhood similar to PC's then they could believe that PC will find the same comfort they do out in the woods.

If Eden lost a friend in Bailey and now has a very strained relationship with them or was abandoned as a child somehow then it helps to explain why they're so possessive over PC. They don't want to lose someone else.

If Eden has been hurt by animals, then they lash out at PC by treating them as one.

They do love PC, as Vrel has said, just in their own way. An unhealthy and twisted way. They also do view PC as incompetent or soft (Vrel says Eden views PC as too gentle to shoot them with their gun) - perhaps willingly putting this on them for their own peace of mind or seeing a younger self in PC.

This can also been seen in how Vrel says Eden would not care if PC was previously a criminal or rich before they got them. Eden doesn't want PC to be someone they were before. They want PC to be who Eden wants them to be. Or, who Eden knows them to be. It's up for interpretation.

Where does this leave us overall?

Eden is paranoid, controlling, hard working and I don't believe they've as dumb as popularly interpreted - especially when you consider that they have to be dumbed down for gane mechanics and fairness reasons.

They trust next to no one and act out when that trust is broken or when their control is shaken. They are insecure.

They keep their cards close to their chest. They know how to keep secrets. But what those secrets are remains to be seen.

Further updates may provide more answers, especially a big update such as Pregnancy. We'll be able to see Eden's behaviour towards a baby and glean some info then.

#eden the hunter #eden analysis #degrees of lewdity #'nw grapefruit'

[epersonae]

The Cooking Project: an introduction

So I've posted quite a bit about my issues with executive dysfunction around cooking, which started the summer before Ryn died and have lingered since then. I've tried a few things to break through it, with limited success.

Then: I was talking to some friends recently and we got talking about "grandma recipes". (See also: @triflesandparsnips' work with soaps and lip balms etc.) In that conversation, I realized again both that I have a lot of cooking knowledge, actually, and that I have my own little collection of that sort of recipes.

I've watched food tv since long before food network existed, and I love figuring out and understanding how cooking works. And I have both a stack of index cards accrued over the years, and an actual binder of print-outs and magazine clippings etc etc, some of which date back almost 30 years at this point.

And then I looked at those cards, and OMG, there's so many that aren't quite complete recipes, including a few that don't even say what they are, plus a few that I've never made. The binder, too, is a mix of things I used to make all the time, and some that were purely aspirational.

wait, what are you doing?

So I'm trying this thing where I make something from my collection, and make some notes about it. (Yeah, I'm doing ye olde food blogging, what of it.) The idea is to get back into regular cooking not as self-care or maintenance or overhauling my daily life or whatever, but by exploring an old special interest, and enjoying the play of it.

the first recipe: key lime pie from tumblr

At the suggestion of one of these friends, I started with a recipe that I found here on Tumblr, at some point I don't remember when, that I've never made: key lime pie. (Apologies for no link, but I literally have no idea what post it was or even when I wrote it down.)

Recipe text, transcribed:

12 oz can sweetened cond. milk 3 egg yolks 1/2 c key lime juice

mix until smooth heat oven to 350F, prebake graham cracker crust for 15 min pour in filling, bake 15 min cool 30 min on counter, then in fridge for 4hrs - overnight

Notes:

sweetened condensed milk only comes in 14oz cans now. I did some math, and increased the lime juice by one tablespoon.

the recipe as I wrote it didn't say what size pie crust. I bought a 9" and I think an 8" would have been a better choice. the ratio of crust to filling was off and the outer edge was frankly silly looking.

I have, in the past, made graham cracker crust from scratch. it's pretty easy, but also premade pie crust, sure why not.

the prebaking was definitely too long, and it ended up tasting a little burnt. I'd do more like 10 minutes max next time.

I started preheating the oven before I mixed the ingredients, because I know how long it takes my oven to preheat.

if I had the experience, I think I would have made a meringue with the egg whites. maybe next time I'll try it.

I added the info about increasing lime juice, the crust size, and baking timing to my card for future reference.

Final thoughts

I would make it again! The filling was tart and creamy, a nice contrast to the crust, and I've always loved key lime pie. Very easy, tasty, and I've added the key parts of my notes to the back of the card.

Update, a couple of weeks later: ended up freezing two slices, will see if they're good unfrozen. (I have a soft spot for terrible frozen key lime pie slices.)

#tricking my brain into cooking #by invoking an old special interest #food blogging not to be sharing recipes #but as a way of talking about an emotional process #food as play #(I think that will be the tag for this project if you want to follow and/or mute) #next up is probably a chicken recipe I got from a friend and have never made #we'll get into my formerly regular recipes eventually

[fizzingwizard]

joking with bf about tumblr and realized I don't understand what people get out of social media anymore - like at all.

My first real "social media" was myspace. It was short-lived. But I liked that (back then) you had your own page, you filled it out with your information, you had your music and banners etc. Not so many images back then, but the point was your page was yours. Customizing your own space was fun.

Then I moved on to livejournal which was even more self-involved. You had your journal that was just yours. You could put anything in it, anything you wanted, and it wouldn't go away unless you chose to delete it. But other people could look at it and interact with you in the comments. And you could join communities where you'd meet other people with similar interests, which would then lead them to visit your journal and you to visit them.

When lj tanked I moved to tumblr, where once again, I have my own space, I can talk about whatever I want, people can choose to interact with me if they feel like it, plus there are visuals and video and a feed which delivers new posts from people I follow. It's easier than ever to just explore, meet people with similar interests, and make connections, while cultivating my own journal/scrapbook that is a record of myself over the years.

It seems to me that self-involved element just isn't interesting to many people anymore. Even though Instagram and Tiktok are definitely very invested in the self! I guess the argument is probably that no one reads text posts anyway, the best way is to post video or images and at most have a short quick to read blurb attached at the bottom. But the attraction of text posts, for me, was never the idea that other people were going to read them. It was simply self-expression. The enjoyment of talking about what's going on with me and working through it. It's nice to get comments, but sometimes the comments, well, make you feel worse, especially on a personal post.

On fandom posts I hoped for notes, but in general I liked to stew in anonymity. I thought about having separate blogs for fandom posts and personal ones. But you know why I didn't? Because I like going to someone's blog and seeing more there than just their art or fanfiction. I like knowing a thing or two about their lives. Not so I can judge them. Because it makes them feel real, relatable, like a friend. Someone I'm not meant to worship for their skill, but appreciate and support, by my own choice, as part of a community. When there's no info at all and it's just a fandom blog, it feels commercial to me. I'm always relieved when a fandom blog links to their personal blog, although I also find that much more jarring than if everything's just in one place and searchable by tags.

These days everyone tells me to be on Discord, Tiktok, or Instagram. But in none of those places can I develop my own personal space the way I like to. I can't even find groups with similar interests on them. Maybe some exist, but if they do they're nowhere near as easy to find as they used to be. When I was in my twenties I could always find people to chill with, no matter how tiny the fandom was. Now the point is to have a sleek, clean, specific persona so people know immediately what you're selling (even when no actual money is involved). You're selling art, you're selling fanfiction, you're selling meta, you're selling activism, you're selling witticisms. That's all great. And what we've all known, even since the days of myspace, is that what doesn't sell is personal posts. Talk about yourself = followers walk away. There's nothing for them here. Multi-fandom blog? Yeah but I only like one fandom you do, so clearly we have nothing in common and shouldn't interact. Lol. Honestly there are so many people here on tumblr I'd like to interact with, except when I visit their blogs they seem like they wouldn't want to interact with me. I'm only a little bit cottagecore, not 100% cottagecore. I sometimes post about books, but sometimes about anime. So the book-lovers who stick up their nose at anime don't want to hang out with me, and the anime-lovers who don't get classical literature maybe think I'm gonna be a snob toward them. Because they know "too much" about me. If they knew less, if they knew only what they'd feel comfortable knowing, because my blog is anime-only or something, then maybe we'd be friends. Not that I'd call that friendship :) but you know, in that shallow, hyper-specific social media sense of the word.

That's my theory. I never was popular on any social media site - personal blogs rarely are! Never wanted to be either (I've been here since I was in college and uhhh absolutely do not judge me please by anything I wrote when I was stupid nineteen). And it may be that very personal feature of tumblr which makes it less attractive to people than places where the point is to be a persona, instead of a person. Persona attracts, person not so much.

I just feel sad that this type of social media seems to be disappearing when I have no appreciation for the type that's replaced it. Believe it or not, I want to see y'all's novel-length text posts. Even when I don't read them, I still want to see them. I like having my little group that I follow and the only people I unfollow are blogs which self-promote more than I have a taste for. Small spaces are so underrated and I guess that's only to be expected.

#tumblr #social media

[doctorofmagic]

Relating to the other post about Clea's current character changes (Tumblr wouldn't allow me to put all this in one comment, so I thought this was a better format): I've been constantly thinking about Clea and how having her memories wiped of Stephen may have effected her ever since we saw her re-appear in TDODS. Nothing I say here is a fact based on info Marvel gave us. As far as I've been able to tell, unless I've missed some non-main title run appearance or mention, no comic has covered what exactly happened to Clea like where she went or what she went to do. Her wiki only mentions her getting her memories back "shortly after" she loses them. If I missed something that gives context, please do correct me so I can fill myself in! As for why I think she is the way she is now in the current run, my brains just been connecting it to her lost memories. That could be that due to the lost memories she went somewhere or did something that made her darker overall, maybe being manipulated without memories of being taught and guided by Stephen (I know that she wasn't kind and caring because of him, but due to how her family is and the state of the Dark Dimension at the time, he definitely kept her on track to a degree). If we think of it this way, depending on how the whole memory erasing thing worked, would she have gotten to keep memories that involved him, such as the Defenders, or would those be gone too because he was there? In this route, could she have felt her attempts at being kinder and more caring than her later-discovered family may have been futile? Without acquaintances like her friends she met from meeting Stephen, she may feel as though no one was there to encourage her to continue trying things this way. She doesn't remain on the throne once getting it, so maybe she feels she has to turn in a new direction to protect herself and/or her people? Does the memory erasing mean he's just kind of a blur or a stranger in memories he is in? Or does it mean that her life took on a different path maybe in the Dark Dimension, as it clearly effected her in the past too. (This way would assume Clea at all points in time forgot Stephen, which could lead her down a different road. If this is the case, her memories of one lifetime could be clashing with the memories of her new lifetime so to say. I don't know if any of that made sense, I struggle to put it in words sometimes). It could also be that she's never fully recovered from losing those memories emotionally. We know she's been pretty upset since getting them back, first in a grieving/saddened manner, then in a more anger based way because she regained them only to lose the man they were about. She's gotten him back now, but that's not going to make it like things never happened, so she could still be on that anger based stage and she doesn't even realize she's becoming the way she is (I know this was referred to as "Blaming" grief in the last post, but depending on how truly "short" that timeframe between losing her memories and regaining them was there could be a lot more we really don't know. This could also be her struggling with grief, as we quickly see her go to the anger stage of it. She likely often dealt with grief in a war setting during the rebellion, which could make it harder for her to process?) Overall not knowing what happened to her and not having that covered has generally been a nitpick of mine since we got partway into this story, as I can see why it hasn't yet been tackled but the upcoming books don't make it sound like we'd be getting that information anytime soon either. (Again this is if I didn't miss something previously). Sorry again for things not making sense potentially, and for the wall of text. Again I'm not saying this is for sure whats happening, just how my mind tries to explain what we haven't yet had explained.

Nauuur, you're absolutely right!

Little is known to Clea's time in the Dark Dimension, even before her memories were wiped out. In fact, there's a HUGE gap between their "breakup" and her appearance in v5, when she helps Stephen with the whole Galactus situation.

There's this book (Sisters of Sorcery) that follows the Defenders/The Order storyline and highlights Clea as the protagonist, but you can't quite consider it canon in comics. Besides, it wouldn't explain her characterization in Strange v3 and DS v6.

The thing about erasing Clea's memories is that, as you pointed out, we do not know if it's just *Stephen's figure* or every other connection she did outside the Dark Dimension. We tend to forget that Clea often felt lonely in the Sanctum, and escaped this loneliness through her bonds with the Defenders (Patsy and Valkyrie being her closest friends). I know we hate *that* Defenders run, but it happened as well. She connected to other heroes in that meantime.

I do have the impression that Stephen was indeed her first contact with kindness, since she grew up under both Umar's and Dormammu's influences. Also his father SUCKS. In a cold world, she found warm in Stephen. So is this feeling still there when her memories of him were taken? We don't know, and this is why we need a flashback of her moments in the Dark Dimension. We don't know how she became the Sorceress Supreme, we don't know how the rebellion went, we don't know how she survived the Empirikul on her own. All we know is that she looked for Stephen the moment The Peregrine Child threatened her dimension. And here's my only reservation about this theory.

Clea's characterization in DODS. She appears to be vulnerable and sweet, especially in Lee's art.

What I *think* it could trigger her fierce side and justifies her angrier characterization is the fact that she lost Stephen twice in front of her very own eyes, and three times in the span of a week. Maybe something broke in her heart, and the fact that she had to keep proving to everyone that she was capable of carrying the mantle of the Sorcerer Supreme could have shifted the balance of her heart. Let's not forget that few heroes were kind and empathetic enought to her grief (which explains why she befriended Moon Knight so quickly). Only Wong and Bats were facing the same levels of grief and they were all dealing with it in their own ways.

With that being said, we don't know if it's Jed's choice to portray her in such aggressive manner as to oppose her melancholic self in DODS or it's all part of a larger scenario where he'll exploit her characterization in order for her to find her balance once more. We don't have answers for that and it's very frustrating, especially for Clea fans, but I still have hope that we'll see something about it soon enough. I often trust Jed so I'm patiently waiting haha As the saying goes, "it is what it is".

Also, no worries!! I appreciate your long text and your sharing your thoughts and theories with us!! Thank you so much for passing by, I hope our concerns are addressed soon enough!

#how can the sorcerer supreme be of assistance? #ask #clea strange #stephen strange #doctor strange #marvel comics

[42donotpanic]

FIC WRITING REVIEW 2023

Thank you @loki-is-my-kink-awakening for coming up with this!

Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please don’t eat glass but don’t feel like you have to do this either.

(I just copied @voiceoffenrisulfr who copied @foxywrites thank you both for tagging me <3)

Before we start I want to note that I hope to post 6 more fics this year and make it to 100 posted works before 2024 ^^

Words and Fics

335,338 words published in 2023

70 fics worked on

62 completed fics

most productive month: July with 74,045 words

monthly words average: 27,945 words

Top 5 Pairings

Clint Barton/Matt Murdock [16]

James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton [13]

Matt Murdock/Franklin "Foggy" Nelson [6]

Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier [6]

James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark [6]

Top 5 by Comments

Purple and Red; all the same to me (AUgust Writing Challenge 2023) - 78

The quiet life - 17

Building a Relationship - 14

Safe Place - 13

3 Times Matt's date didn't take his blindness well (+1 where it wasn't the biggest surprise that night) - 6

Top 5 by Kudos

3 Times Matt's date didn't take his blindness well (+1 where it wasn't the biggest surprise that night) - 255

Couch already taken - 208

The Reporter and The Lawyer - The Devil and The Protector - 146

Daredevil: The Man with Trauma - 131

Fuck Ninjas - 122

Top 5 by Hits

The Reporter and The Lawyer - The Devil and The Protector - 2,251

3 Times Matt's date didn't take his blindness well (+1 where it wasn't the biggest surprise that night) - 1,725

Purple and Red; all the same to me (AUgust Writing Challenge 2023) - 1,724

Coming Untouched - 1,722

Building a Relationship - 1,529

Fandom Events in 2023

For this part, I'm only adding in Bingos that I was able to get a bingo/blackout for If you want to know more feel free to check out my masterlists in my pinned post <3

Bingos

[5/9] Any Fandom LGBTQ Bingo - Bingo

[5/5] July Break Flash Bingo - Black out

[9/9] July Break Mini Bingo - Black out

[25/25] July Break Bingo - Black out

[15/25] Marvel Rare Pair Bingo Round 1/2 - Bingo

[6/25] Masturbation Midsummer Bingo - DNF

[13/25] WinterIron Bingo - Bingo

[9/9] Writers Pride Month Bingo - Black out

Writing Challenge's

[30/30] Slash Mulitverse Daily Pride Prompts

[31/31] AU-gust Writing Challenge 2023

[5/31] Flufftober 2023

Upcoming Plans

Fic's I'm hoping to continue/complete next year:

[Clint/Bucky] Soul Marks and Metal Arms

[Clint/Natasha] To see the Bruises

[Matt/Foggy] Learning to Live again

[Clint/Bucky] Now I wear my scars just like Tattoos

[Clint/Rhodey] Bring them back (to get you back)

[Clint & Matt] Who even am I?!

[Clint/Matt] Hawkdevil AU

[Clint/Bucky] Domestic WinterHawk AU

[Clint/Matt] Building a Relationship

Writing Reflection

After I got back into writing fic this year it was something I really enjoyed all throughout this year. I discovered a bunch of fun challenges and servers, met many lovely people (sadly all online) and learned a lot. I have hyperfocused a lot, especially in the summer and I collected a boatload of prompts I would like to fill in the coming year.

I have a lot of fics already planned for the next year. There will be a lot of feels, fluff and angst/whump alike and I hope I can keep the run I had this year going.

A big thank you to everyone who supported me along the way, be it with ducking/spaghettiing fic ideas, sprinting with me, participating in challenges, commenting, sharing or even just reading and liking my fics. You folks mean the world to me and I love every single one of you. Take care and remember, as long as you do what you love you get a good grade in fandom <3

Tagging: @stripedscribe @ravenmold @endlesstwanted and everyone who wants to participate (totally not a cop-out because I lost track of my tumblr, no)

#writing challenge #2023 recap #2023 in review #fanfic #alternate universe #writing #writers of ao3 #tumblr tag game #writers on tumblr #is it obvious that I don't know how to tag? #2023 #masterlist #mcu #marvel #clint barton #matt murdock #bucky barnes #tony stark #hawkeye #daredevil #charles xavier #erik lehnsherr

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia! Wanted to ask ( or suggest, actually ), may be It would be a good idea to update links on left sidebar or pinned message with Ream info? I didn't know you have one. Or you just prefer Patreon subscription?

Hi anon!

You know, as I sit here contemplatively I realise that I actually forget that the Tumblr sidebar exists for every single day of the year unless I a) change my theme (which has happened three whole times in 10 years) or b) ...you sending this anon :D

It will be a good idea to update it when I have brain-space again and every inch of my brain isn't filled with plaintive whining over puppy exhaustion, but for sure, I don't have a preference!

Ream is a lot easier for folks who want to only pay once a month, and the Stripe payment processor is solid, but some folks might not like that they have to visit Ream each time to see posts vs. reading stuff in their inboxes or downloading chapters from their inboxes. But I really like the Ream interface, and it will offer more and more over time (it only started up last year).

They're both good!! And I'll definitely put up a link for Ream and my ADHD brain is like 'binch write that down write that down or you'll forget' so I'm going to... write that down and probably still forget

Thank you though! I literally had no idea that sidebar existed and likely would have forgotten for another 3-4 years!

#asks and answers #my object permanence is like a solid 'no' #i appreciate you anon #thanks for giving me a heads up

[international-kpopfan]

When they break up with you - Ateez reaction (Angst)

Summary | No summary is needed…

Genre | Angst

Warnings | just a lot of sadness and tears.

Pairing | reader x members

WC | 4.4K

Note | Requested by @littleunicornia

Note | I also wrote something different than just break-ups, some with a closed ending, some with an open ending, some about taking a break, and some even when the boys are not at fault or breaking up with you for their own health. I tried to mix it up a little. I hope this is what you wanted.

Note | This is pure fiction, some of the reactions are written when the boys are at fault, some the other way around. I don’t know them personally (I wish) but I wanted to create some situations that happen in real life, mostly out of my personal life. (except for the public relationships and the careers).

Note | Feedback is always appreciated.

Original request | Hello pretty girl can you do an ateez reaction when they break up with you? In any situation, I just want to know how you think they would handle this situation, thanks so much

Masterlist / Request Rules / Upcoming

REQUESTS ARE CLOSED! READ THIS POST FOR MORE INFO!

Third time uploading is hopefully the charm otherwise Tumblr is really being a pain in the ass. It didn't show up in the tags for over a week so here I am, trying it again.

Hongjoong knew that after the fight you had two days ago, it wouldn’t be the same. You both came home late from work, both exhausted and just a tiny little thing became a huge fight. A fight that shouldn’t have happened, but it did and Hongjoong took his time to think it all over.

Hongjoong puts down his pen as he hears the door open, seeing you walking in makes his heart pound like on the first date. As if it is the first time seeing you. “Hey”, he whispers nervously playing with the rings on his fingers. You whisper a hey back before making yourself comfortable on the chair next to him. “You wanted to talk?”. The tone in your voice is ice cold, more than you wanted it to be, but you know why you’re here and what will happen.

“Yeah, listen…about two days ago. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. We both had a hectic day, and it won’t be the last one. We could have handled the situation better by talking. It got me thinking and….”.

“You want to break up with me”.

Hongjoong lifts his head up, staring into your eyes looking for any sign of discomfort or sadness. But there wasn’t any. He nods, his head feels heavy by doing so and he bites his lip before he continues.

“It’s not that I don’t love you anymore, it’s just that our careers are getting in the way of our relationship”, he mumbles, waiting for your response.

“We both knew that when we started dating Hongjoong, it’s not something new. Why now all of the sudden? Is it something I did?”. You watch him slump down in his chair, barely holding it together.

“No, it’s just…you deserve better. Someone with a career that is less demanding”. You chuckle at his reason for breaking up, not believing any of it to be sincere. But his eyes tell you the truth, they are filled with sadness, regret, and pain. “Well, if that is what you want, I better get my stuff out of the dorm”.

You get up from the chair, leaving the red-haired man you love behind. As soon as your closed the door, tears start streaming down Hongjoong’s face. He loves you, he really does. But he also knows that his career is getting in the way of loving you the way you should be loved. He knows that there is a man out there, capable of treating you better than he did. It’s for the best, right?.

Seonghwa opens the door of your apartment with a heavy heart, his feet are ready to walk into your apartment, but his body stays behind in the hallway. After a few seconds of hesitation, he walks into your apartment, closing the door before taking his shoes off. You are on the couch, scrolling through Instagram when he walks in. You don’t react, you just keep scrolling. Seonghwa sits down next to you on the couch, his eyes on you as you lazily check the apps on your phone.

“Y/N, we need to talk”. Seonghwa lets his hands fall in his lap, silently wishing this was all just a dream.

“I know that I’ve been the biggest asshole on this planet, I know that I should have done things differently, but I also know I can’t fool myself anymore”. Seonghwa watches you get up from your position, crossing your legs on the sofa and putting your phone on the table.

“Fool yourself? You’ve been distancing yourself from me for weeks? Do you even know how much it hurts me to see that the man I love just ignores me?”. Seonghwa nods, he knows he has been an asshole, but he has his explanation for it, and in his eyes, it’s the right one.

“I know and I’m sorry for that, but let me explain please”. A nod is all he gets from you, and that is enough.

“I love you, I really do. But the last couple of months I noticed some change in the way I feel, I tried to ignore it but it got stronger and stronger. That is maybe why I distanced myself from you, to protect you but also to protect myself. I’m not putting the blame on you because it is all on me. I know that. And I hurt you in the most horrific way possible. But like I said-”. He takes a deep breath. “I can’t fool myself any longer”.

You slowly nod, processing every word he said, and honestly, deep down you knew this was coming. But you didn’t want to believe it was true. “So, what are you saying? Don’t you love me anymore?”, you ask with a trembling voice, tears threatening to fall down on your leggings.

“I love you Y/N, I do. But to be honest, not as a boyfriend. I see you as my little sister more than my girlfriend. I know it is a lame excuse and I can understand if you don’t want anything to do with me, or that you hate me. I deserve that”.

“Can you please leave?”, is all you ask, not even looking at him while the tears start streaming down your face. Seonghwa gets up from the couch, hesitant to leave you alone but he listens to your wish as he grabs his stuff, puts on his shoes, and leaves you behind. As he watches himself in the mirror of the elevator, he feels relieved on one side, but very angry on the other. Did he make the right decision?. Did he just egoistically choose himself over you?. He knows he has a lot of thinking to do, maybe even more than before he left you and your broken heart.

Yunho listens to you rambling about the day you had at your work, from your crazy colleagues to the crazy things your boss asked you to do. All the time you are talking, he has his eyes focused on you. He tries to smile a few times when you start laughing, but it’s getting harder to do.

“What’s wrong?”, you ask immediately when you notice his eyes are avoiding yours. He just shakes his head, stands up, and grabs your hand. “Come one, let’s go for a walk”.

You are not sure what’s causing his mood to swing like this, but you also know Yunho will never lie to you so you hope that he will tell you exactly what’s going on in the next few minutes. As you both walk through the park, the grip on his hands gets tighter and you notice his body tense up.

“Alright, hold up. What’s going on with you?”. You stop him from walking by pulling him back, making sure he faces you as you talk to him. “Come one babe, tell me”. It doesn’t take much for Yunho to finally break down.

“I can’t do this anymore. I can’t…”. Yunho tries to hold in his tears as you prepare yourself for what is coming. “I-”. You place your hand on his face, staring into his eyes as you speak the following words.

“I understand Yunho, your career is booming, you travel all around the world doing what you love the most and if I get between that, I understand that you are confused. I understand that this is difficult but I also know you are the best that ever happened to me”.

“I don’t want to lose you”, he whispers as you stand closer to him, fighting the tears yourself, not because of a forthcoming breakup, but because you don’t want him to be in any pain.

“You won’t babe. I will always be there, as a friend, as your girlfriend, or as just a crazy woman who talks about food all day. I completely understand. Of course, it hurts me-”. You take a deep breath as you hold his hand. “But your happiness is also important to me”.

“Why are you so amazing and perfect?”, he sniffs and you wipe the tears away.

“I’m not, never will be. No one is perfect but I guess I know the perfect solution for our problem”. Yunho sobs but the tears have stopped streaming down his face. “What is it?”.

“We take a break, focus on ourselves for a few weeks or months, and when the time is ready, we come back to each other. Because deep down in my heart, but also in yours, we both know that we can make this work, but maybe not at this time”.

Yunho nods, smiling softly as you wrap your arms around his torso, he wraps his arms around your hips as you both enjoy the last hug for a couple of weeks.

Yeosang clenches his jaw as he stands two meters away from you, his hands on his hips as he listens to you rambling and fussing.

“Why don’t you understand that I can’t have my phone 24/7 on me all the time?”, he interrupts you and you scoff as his voice echoes through the dorm. “I told you this at the beginning of our relationship, when I’m on stage, recording a video or program, or even at practice, I can’t always pick up”.

“No, but you can at least react to a message when you have a break”. Your voice is harsh, Yeosang never heard it before and is not sure what it means. He tries to stay calm but the longer this argument continues, the harder it gets.

“I do all the time, but you expect me to reply in a second if I’m on my phone, you are not the only one that I’m in contact with Y/N”.

“So you have someone else?”, your voice gets louder and louder, so loud that Wooyoung and Mingi peek around the corner of their doors to see what is going on.

’‘What? No, now you are being ridiculous. I don’t have anyone else besides you Y/N. Why would I?“. The subject changed really fast, and Yeosang wonders if that was the case all along. He sighs as he watches Wooyoung and Mingi roll their eyes, hoping you didn’t see it, but you did.

’'Seriously, rolling your eyes at me?”, you point at the two young men in the corner, who hastily run back into their rooms.

“Y/N, stop yelling please, it doesn’t solve the problem. I want to talk things out with you but if you keep yelling at me, I can’t”. He watches you pace around in a circle in the living room, too worked up to even listen to what he is saying. Maybe you are jealous, maybe you are mad at him for nothing but all you feel right now are your emotions getting the best of you.

“Listen, I love you. I really do, but if you keep doing this, if you keep insisting that I’m cheating on you and don’t lie it is not the first time, then I don’t know what to do anymore. I have feelings too Y/N, you’re not the only one that is hurting”. His phone starts ringing, he grabs it out of his pocket and notices that it is his manager.

“Who’s that?”, you immediately ask, walking over to him to check the screen but he picks up before you can even read the name. You watch him smile and chuckle a little when the person on the other side, what you assume, makes a joke about something. After a few seconds, he puts his phone back in his pocket. “Are you really that suspicious?”, he asks, standing right in front of you.

“Who was that?”.

“Work related”.

“I don’t believe you”.

“Fine, there is the door, please grab your stuff because trust is something you really need to figure out”. Yeosang doesn’t wait for your answer and walks toward Wooyoung’s room.

“Please be gone in 5 minutes”.

San turns on the lights of the practice room, throwing his bag somewhere on the ground as he checks his phone for messages. It’s all fine and fun until he gets to a message about himself and his relationship with you. He reads the message multiple times, over and over until the words are processed in his brain. It’s not the first time that this happened.

“Girlfriend of Ateez’s San spotted with another young man at a restaurant in Gangnam”.

He sighs as he dials your number, hoping the two of you could talk in private. But you don’t answer. San quickly types a message, asking if you can come to visit him and he doesn’t wait for an answer as he starts stretching.

It’s been a half-hour and San still didn’t receive any response from you. He hears the door open, and he puts his phone away as he watches you enter the room. “Hey, I read your message and I came as soon as I could”, your voice is laced with worry, worried that something might be wrong.

“Thanks, can we talk?”, San doesn’t waste any second and immediately cuts to the point. You nod, not familiar with the behavior of your boyfriend.

You both sit down on the floor, against the mirror with your legs crossed. “What is it?”, you ask, eyeing him up and down as he grabs his phone out of his pocket. He finds the tweet and hands you the phone.

“How many of these will I get? How many times will I get worried tweets or messages from fans, asking if I’m alright?”.

You check the tweet, you click on the photo and your mind goes back to that night. You were out with an old friend from university, who was visiting Seoul for a month.

“None, this is a friend of mine. Nothing more”.

San sighs, not knowing what to do in this situation and he grabs his phone out of your hands. “Listen Y/N, this is not the first time, and every time I’m worried that this might blow up if it didn’t already. We both know that after we announced our relationship, we should be careful with what we do and say”.

“So you are saying I can’t see other people like friends?”.

’'Friends, you are walking arm in arm with him? There is a lot of pressure on our relationship, we both know that. And I love you, a lot but I can’t handle all these kinds of rumors. I never thought that it would be like this’’.

“It’s your own fault San, you wanted to go public”. San lifts his head up, unsure why you are blaming him for everything when you were the one that wanted to show the world you were dating him.

“Let’s not forget that you wanted to show everyone that you are dating an idol, not me. I went with it because I love you, but apparently, I’m too naive-”. He takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to hurt you, I really don’t but I was happier when we didn’t go public. Maybe it is a stupid reason to do this but I guess I want a break, just to figure everything out. Because all those tweets and messages about you hanging around other guys while you don’t even respond to my calls or messages, it hurts”.

“I don’t do breaks”, you stand up and grab your bag. San stands up from the ground, his head low and his hands in his pockets.

“Then I will decide for myself, and I hope you will find someone that can work with all the pressure of being out in the public”.

Your relationship with Mingi was all you could ever ask for. Mingi is a loving, kind, respectful, and very caring guy, always listening to you and he put you above him and everyone else. It was all perfect, but lately, you both feel drained and tired like there is no energy left to put into this relationship. But neither of you dared to start a conversation about it, nor end it.

Mingi struggles to find the perfect way of talking to you about his feelings, little did he know he wasn’t the only one.

Yeosang says bye as he leaves the dorm leaving you and Mingi alone in the living room, both of you watching a movie but neither of you paying any attention to it. Mingi changes his focus from the screen to you, his heart is racing and his brain is coming up with millions of conversation starters but nothing comes out of his mouth. But much to his surprise, he does say something.

“I love you Y/N”, he whispers and he notices your body tense as if he finally started the conversation you’ve been dreading to have for days maybe weeks.

“I love you too Mingi”.

“Is this it? I mean, we both love each other but we also know that a relationship doesn’t work”. You turn around, facing him as you grab his warm hands.

“I guess, I mean people love each other without being in a relationship. We tried Mingi, but I guess we are better of as friends. I don’t want to ruin what we have, I don’t want to lose you at all”.

Mingi nods, a small smile grows on his lips as he feels relief wash over his body. He didn’t want a messy breakup, he didn’t want you to hate each other or despise each other.

“Y/N, you don’t know how grateful I am for having you in my life. As a friend, girlfriend, or just a female version of Wooyoung. Thank you for that and I will be the best friend you had in years, I promise you that”.

You chuckle, he is right about the Wooyoung part, but the way he talked about being your best friend, makes your heart swell. You squeeze his hands, letting him know you are not going anywhere.

“I love you Mingi, don’t forget that. I will always be there for you”. You say as you watch Hongjoong walk in with San and Yunho following with bags of food.

“Alright not so lovebirds, who wants chicken?”.

Mingi hurries off the couch into the kitchen and you can’t help but smile at him, even when a relationship didn’t work, a friendship did and you are grateful for that.

Wooyoung turns around in his chair with his headphones on, his fingers still lingering above his keyboards as he watches you on his bed, reading the book you’ve been rambling about for over months. He bought you a copy once it was available in stores and he still smiles at the memory of you hugging him for at least five minutes.

But things change. Like they do. You visit him whenever he is at the dorm, even when he arrives late at night you still come over to make sure he gets some rest. You always stay awake until he sleeps, noticing the bags under your eyes once you send him a photo. He loves you for it, but he doesn’t deserve it. The feeling of him not being able to be the best boyfriend to you runs through his mind for several days. He loves you, that is a fact. But he also wants the best for you, and that isn’t being in a relationship with someone who is running on four hours of sleep or has to cancel a date because of sudden meetings or studio recordings.

“Why the hell are you staring at me?”, you giggle as you caught him in the act, he shrugs his shoulders and puts his headphone on the desk. He walks towards the bed and sits down next to you. He grabs the book out of your hands and places it on top of his nightstand.

“Can we talk?”, he asks softly, as if he is afraid to ask you this question but you nod, making yourself comfortable on the bed. He looks down at his feet and you grab his hand to comfort him.

“What is wrong?”.

“Do you love me?”, he asks suddenly and it surprises you he even thought about asking this. “Yes of course I do silly”.

“Do you mind that I’m always busy, away or late at home? I mean you are always there when I arrive home, you never complain about anything”.

You sit up, facing him as he is seated against the backboard of his bed. You notice the worry in his eyes and you can’t help but wonder why he started this conversation in the first place.

“No I don’t, otherwise, I wouldn’t do it, baby. What are you aiming for with this? Why are you asking me all this?”.

“I know you don’t mind, but I do. I feel burdened and guilty that you always wait for me and think of me while I give you nothing or less than what you deserve”. You feel a tightness in your chest and you have a feeling about where this conversation is going.

“You think that I deserve better so you try to put the blame all on yourself? Are you crazy? I do this because I love you, Woo, I don’t feel any regret doing it all for you”.

Wooyoung sighs, tears welling up in his eyes and he sniffs before saying the words you never hoped to hear in his presence.

“I think we need to break up. You deserve so much better than me, someone who is always there for you, not canceling dates or being on the other side of the world”. Tears stream down your face once he finishes his sentence, not knowing what to say you lean forward and wrap your arms around his neck, placing your head on his shoulder as you whisper in his ear.

“If this is what you think, then you are so wrong. I love you no matter what and I do this out on my own, but if you need some time to think about us, please do but don’t make any hasty decisions. I will be leaving now, let me know when you have a definite answer because I believe you are insecure about me leaving you while there isn’t any way I’m leaving you for all of this”.

Wooyoung watches you leave his room, leaving the book you read behind. He picks it up from the bedside table and sobs while reading the title.

“Never lose the love you love”.

Jongho puts his bag down in the hallway, dreading walking any further, knowing what he needs to do after a talk with the company. He knows he can date, but he also knows that is far the busy to even keep up with any of that. The company talked him through it and he made the decision as he stepped into your apartment. It is better for the both of you, he knows that, but the question is, do you?.

“Hey babe, what do you want to eat tonight?”, you ask as you watch him walk towards you, a worried but sad look on his makes you instantly worry too.

“Can we talk? I need to talk to you about something”. You reply with a yeah sure and you both sit down at the kitchen table, him on the other side and he keeps his hands on his lap while normally he immediately grabs your hands over the table.

“What do you want to talk about?”, you lean your head on your hand while your elbow rests on the table, your eyes trying to find him but he keeps avoiding eye contact.

“I just had a conversation at the company about us, with the managers and staff”.

That one sentence makes your heart feel heavy and your breathing gets heavier, your body already registering what is going to happen while your mind is still fighting the reality of this situation.

“Don’t tell me…”. He just nods, finally looking at you, tears are formed in his eyes, one of them streaming down his face to his chin. “Why? Why Jongho? Did I do something wrong? Is it because of my job?”.

“No, nothing of that. It’s just that-”. He pauses, leaning forward putting his arms on the table, still fidgeting with the ring on his finger but he made some progress by getting closer to you.

“It’s about my career. I’m too busy now, I don’t have time to be with you, not the way I want it to be. I want to see you every day, I want to spend time with you every day and I know I chose this the moment I started dating you but I never thought it would be this difficult or heavy for me”.

You let it all sink in, the words, the message itself, and the hidden message behind the lines he just said. You know where this is going, you were hoping this day would never come but it did.

“I love you Y/N, I really do but it is the best for us both. Because I can’t give you what you want, I can’t spend as much time as I want with you and you also know that I’ve been lagging in communication lately, not responding or not seeing you for a few days even. We both knew what we were dealing with and I guess I thought it would be okay and all. I know I’m hurting you with this, but I will never stop loving you. Never. And maybe one day, we will find our way back to each other”.

Tears stream down your face as you nod, you know why he is doing this and it is not because he doesn’t love you anymore, that is comfort in some way but still. It hurts.

“I know, I love you too. Just promise me one thing?”.

Jongho gets up from the chair, ready to leave you alone for God knows how long. He nods as he grabs his bag and put on his shoes.

“Take care of yourself, please. You are the best thing that ever happened to me”.

“I will Y/N as long as you promise to do the same”.

Copyright © 2022 International-kpopfan. All rights reserved.

Don’t repost without permission.

#ateez #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #ateezedit #ateez x reader #ateez angst #ateez fanfic #ateez fic #atz #atz fic #ateez wooyoung #ateez san #ateez mingi #ateez yeosang #ateez hongjoong #ateez jongho #ateez yunho #ateez seonghwa #park seonghwa #kim hongjoong #choi san #choi jongho #song mingi #jung wooyoung #jeong yunho #kang yeosang #wooyoung #hongjoong #seonghwa #yunho

[enigmalea]

Why I Contributed to FujoGuide

If you follow me here or mastodon you may have noticed that I've been reblogging/boosting a lot of posts for something called The Fujoshi Guide to Web Development (@fujowebdev). There's a good chance you followed me or know me from the Dragon Age fandom where I run communities, events, and zines and write fanfic, and you might be wondering why the sudden and drastic departure from my normal content. Why would a writer contribute to something related to webdev? Why have you stopped seeing thirst for Dragon Age characters and started seeing… whatever a FujoGuide is?

The answers to those questions (and more!) are below the cut.

My Coding Journey

I wrote my first lines of code in 1996 (yes, I'm old AF). It was the early days of the internet and tutorials for how to make your own websites were literally everywhere. You couldn't go more than two clicks without finding a how-to written in plain language. But it was painstaking and tedious. CSS didn't exist yet (literally, I started coding about six months before it was released) and even when it appeared it wasn't widely adopted or supported.

It was the "glory days" of Geocities, Myspace themes, Neopets, and Livejournal. If there was a cool site, you could use HTML and/or CSS to customize it. I honed my skills by coding so many tables character profiles for RPs, creating themes, painstakingly laying out user info pages, and building my own site.

Gradually, things changed. Web 2.0 showed up with locked down profiles and feeds you couldn't customize, free website hosts became more difficult to find, and point and click page builders became the way of the web. Shortly after, I took a long break from fandom; frustrated and disappointed with site closures, lost communities, and general fandom wank… it felt like it just wasn't worth it anymore.

I eventually came back, and when I did it meant customizing themes, figuring out how to create tools for my communities, coding tumblr pages (and learning they're not really supported on mobile), and looking at automations for my common tasks. One day, I woke up and thought, "I'm going to make a Discord bot… it can't be that hard."

So, I did it.

An Unexpected Friendship

About a month after I launched my bot to the public, I received a random Discord message from @essential-randomness. A friend had told her about my bot, and she was working on BobaBoard which needed volunteers. I was shocked. First, people were talking about my bot. Second, I wasn't a real coder. I didn't know anything! I just googled a bunch of stuff and got something working. I had no idea what I was doing.

She assured me it was okay. She was willing to teach me what I didn't know - and most of all, that she wanted my help. I took a day or two to think it over, and fatefully filled out the volunteer form. I didn't know if I could be useful or how I could be useful, but I wanted to try.

Programming Is Awful

In the years months that followed, I spent a lot of time in @essential-randomness' DMs complaining about programming… at least once I realized she wouldn't judge me. I was still very much doing things the hard way, taking hours to update a site to add a single link on all the pages. I knew there were easier methods, but I either couldn't find them or once I found them, they were filled with dense jargon which was terrifying.

"An all-in-one zero-javascript frontend architecture framework!" Is that even English? "A headless open-source CMS." Cool. Sounds good. "A full-stack SSG based on Jamstack extending React and integrating Rust-based JS." Those sure are words. With meanings. That someone knows. Not me, though.

I spent so much time looking at what sites claimed was documentation and losing my mind because I had no idea where to even start most of the time. With @essential-randomness' encouragement, I kept at it, experimenting with new things, and jumping in headfirst even when I had no idea what I was doing. And I was so glad. Where I used to struggle keeping one website updated, last year I managed to deploy and update 7 websites. Yeah, you read that right. It was amazing.

The new stuff made it all much, much easier.

An Idea Is Born

Meanwhile, we spent hours discussing why it was difficult to get fandom to try coding. Part of the barrier was the belief you must be some sort of genius or know math or that creative/humanities people can't do it. It is also partially coding communities being unfriendly to newbies and hobbyists; a culture which often thrives on debasing people's choices, deriding them for not understanding, and shouting rtfm (read the fucking manual) and lmgtfy (let me google that for you)- all of which are unhelpful at best and humiliating and abusive at worst. The tech dudebro culture can be unforgiving and mean.

The number of coding-based Discords I've left far outnumbers the ones I've stayed in.

We determined what fandom needed was a place for coders of all skill levels to come together to help and support one another; where they could learn to code and how to join open-source projects they love, and where they could make friends and connections and show off their projects whether they were new or experienced programmers.

And thus… Fandom Coders was born.

What About FujoGuide?

Of course, running a coding group and working on BobaBoard together means we spent a lot of time talking about the state of the web. We both lamented over poor documentation, jargon-rich tutorials, and guides which assume a baseline of knowledge most people don't have. What we needed to do was provide tutorials which start at the beginning… from the ground up (what is a terminal and how do I open it?) without skipping steps. What we needed to do was make those tutorials fun and appealing.

I don't remember exactly the journey it took to get us here if I'm honest. I have no clue who said it first. But I do remember I first started thinking about anthropomorphizing programming languages when we attempted to cast the languages as the Ouran High School boys… and again when I suggested we do a [TOP SECRET IN CASE WE DO IT] group project in Fandom Coders to help people learn about programming.

What I do know is that as last year ended, @essential-randomness became laser-focused on creating our gijinka and moving forward with FujoGuide… and I couldn't say no.

Okay, But… Why Contribute?

To be honest, it's not just that I was around for the birth of the idea. It's ALL of the things in this post - the culmination of three years of frustration trying to figure out what I'm doing with coding, of wading through dense documentation, of wanting to give up before I even start. It's three years of dipping my toes into toxic techbro culture before running away. All added to decades of watching the web become corporate-sanitized, frustratingly difficult to customize, increasingly less fun, and overtly hostile to fans who dare enjoy sexual content.

To sum all of this up, it's the firm belief that we desperately need a resource like this. Something that's for us, by us. Something that builds fans up, instead of tears them down; that empowers them to create for themselves and their communities what no one is creating for them. It is a project I'm deeply passionate about.

And I can't wait until we can bring it to life for you all.

#FujoGuide

[simpliao]

ultimately ; (irl) schaltt x reader

summary : schaltt reminisces upon a lost love

info : based off of the song with the same name by khai dreams, prepare for angst, swearing, and reader with she/her pronouns,

a/n : i'm new to tumblr, but i thought my profile was kinda bland and needed a post or something. hopefully you enjoy my attempt at an angst one-shot !

Ultimately: what would be inevitable when the story comes to its final phrase, its end. Schlatt was sure he knew what was his inevitable: marrying the girl he loved. The woman that he'd held for so many nights, cuddling with stupid ass movies serving the couple as background noise whilst the orange tabby laid close by. Just standing where it all used to happen, from when in the early morning she'd force him awake to eat breakfast, to the late evenings where the light of their electronics highlighted the pair's features. Eyes half lidded, like phantoms inhabiting his home, he could still see her figure glowing from the morning light, or bent over laughing like the idiot he loved and adored.

He had to tear his eyes away from his own home, what used to be shared between the two: their home. Her belongings long since swept off the shelves, the lack of dust showing the outlines of where her touch was present. The apartment being in a suffocating silence, a lack of her presence was painfully apparent. Jambo, as brainless as he was, could feel the change and was reduced to mopping around the entrance; waiting for his mom to come home.

But she wouldn't ever be coming back.

Running a hand through mousy, caramel coloured locks, all he could do was let a heavy sigh leave his throat; attempt to keep up his tough guy persona and not let the welling tears fall beyond the brim of his eyes. How would Jambo cope with not having the mother he'd known since adoption? Hell, how would Schlatt cope not having her to be his backbone? The central supporting beam of his whole damn life?

He didn't know, and he didn't know when, or if, he ever would.

Just seeing his little man sit in front of the door, eyes droopy like he was on the verge of sleep but continuing to fight it; not daring to blink and miss her. Dejected mewls escaped him, as if a last ditch plea for Y/n to come back home. He just couldn't take seeing him in such a state, retreating to their once shared office space. The bedroom was too much for him to enter at the minute. Waking up to her side of the bed less sunken in every morning, with her scent slowly disappearing and the cool chill nevermore holding her warmth. The lack of her items that he once chastised for how childish or cute stupid they were; he missed. He missed her and the ungodly amount of stuffed animals that all had their own names and backstories.

The lack of her made the apartment they once bitched and complained about for how small it was seem so impossibly large. The space she took up, literally and figuratively, made him realize that without her left an inconceivable void; one that he was grasping at straws to fill. Just pushing the door open to their shared office/study space made his blood run cold. The desk that rested at the other side of the room horribly bare as if she was never there.

Solemnly, he took a seat in his chair, letting himself sink into it; no clear idea of what to do next in his mind. He couldn't work, no, not when he was like this. Neither was he in the mood to cheer himself up, for the next foreseeable future it seemed as if he would be stuck.

But one day we'll be okay.

Her voice of reassurance pierced through his mind, a reminder she made sure to instil before they parted ways. It repeated and echoed off the corners of his mind, she was so sure as she spoke with those doe eyes glossy with tears. He loved those eyes. And he loved the way she'd always assure him, comfort him through his darkest hours and be the light that lead him through. The light, with its solace and warmth, would be there no matter how far down he fell from grace; or so he thought.

The universe worked in funny ways, notably how he always managed to get the short end of every stick. It was why he supposed he hated his clean shaven face. It reminded him that underneath whatever he may use to mask who he was: he would forever be that frightened teenage boy. The past was something he refused to ever dwell on, but now, possibly suffering the worst blow of his entire life? He couldn't help but feel the suffocation of bad luck. Maybe he was never destined to be truly happy, and that's why despite the both of them completing each other in all the best ways; it was the case of the right person, wrong time.

She was always dedicated to her schooling, he was anxious at the idea of commitment; their relationship didn't work for what they wanted in the minute. She was ready to settle down with him and the thought genuinely scared him. He was barely mid-twenties, he wanted to go out and have his fun but she was too busy to do that kind of thing; neither was she really into it. Her constant studying and strive to her passion made him feel second, never being her number one priority. Despite what he lets on, Schlatt is a soul that suffered from those kind of insecurities. He was too needy for her to handle, and when he let her have her space all it did was leave him feeling unwanted.

The decision to end it was mutual between both parties, but that didn't mean it hurt any less. Regardless of how badly his chest constricted and yearned, no, begged for him to call her up, he knew better. It would only make letting go harder, at least for now, it wasn't meant to be. The wandering thought of if he ever meant the same to her crossed his mind, was she hurting as much as he was?

Yet still, he was sunken in the same old chair he always had been, tears having fallen without his knowledge or consent. He was never favoured by fate, and regardless he still silently prayed to whatever force out there that they'd have a second chance when the time would be right. He'd get whatever it was he needed to out of his system, and despite how selfish, wished that she'd be single and ready when he'd be. That they could pick up where it was once left off. Where he could have his larger frame wrap around her and once again be able to call her 'mine'.

But until that time should come, if ever, he'd be condemned to be alone... Again.

Just how it's always been.

#schlatt x reader #schlatt x y/n #schlatt x you #schlatt #jschlatt #x reader #reader insert #afab reader #she/her #angst #sad ending #ted nivison #chuckle sandwich #songfic #not dsmp #irl people #wrong timing #oneshot #angst oneshot #jschlatt x y/n #jschlatt x you #jschlatt x reader