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sirfrogsworth · 7 months

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Last week was crazy.

I honestly can't believe all of it happened in the span of a week. Well, I guess it was more like 10 days. But it was another... Alot.

It all started when I got my disability denial letter. I couldn't wait until I got into the house so I opened the envelope as I walked back from the mailbox. Once I saw the bad part I had an instant panic attack in my driveway.

I ran inside...

Okay, that isn't true.

I walked very quickly inside...

Nope, still not true.

Okay, I walked at my personal top speed which is probably still slow for most people... but the point I'm trying to make is that I was attempting to hurry despite only saving myself about 3 seconds of travel time.

But the hurrying made me feel better, okay?

Out of breath from my geriatric-style powerwalking, I called my lawyer's office immediately. And... he is on vacation. Won't be back until the next Thursday. I spent the entire weekend going through every panic state a body can feel. I go from angry to depressed to anxious to panicked to angry (again) to scared to more scared to extra more scared. Visions of homelessness danced in my head.

I can't sleep for over a day because my brain won't shut off. Finally my body gives out and I fall asleep on the couch watching random YouTube videos. But falling asleep on the couch is bad because I'm not hooked up to my CPAP machine. Then I finally do hook up my CPAP and my damned mask breaks. Thankfully it has happened before and I have a cool hot glue and duct tape solution. But it is hard to manage hot glue and tape when you haven't slept in days and your eyes will barely stay open. So a few burned fingers later, I am sleeping comfortably in my janky duct tape-laden CPAP mask.

Monday rolls around and I decide to go into problem solving mode. Problem solving is my superpower, so I was going to lean into that in an effort to reduce my anxiety. The denial letter said they had no records from before I was 22, so I put on my detective hat and began the hunt to prove I was sick before 2004. My aunt helped me dig through my mom's document drawer. I distinctly remember an essay I wrote to the disability people back when I first got sick. It was part of the paperwork they had me submit. It was a first hand account of my symptoms back in 2001. It also had an essay from my dad talking about how sick I was. I felt like if I could find that, the records surrounding it would all be related and from the same time period.

We go through the entire drawer and only find a few things that might be helpful. Then I realized my mom had a *second* drawer full of documents and my aunt was blocking it. So we start going through that and find a folder labeled "Ben's Disability Stuff." I would have never kept any of that stuff but my mom kept *everything* and it was all in chronological order.

She is still looking out for me.

And she may have kept me from being homeless.

We find the essay and records of my ECT treatments and the names of doctors and all kinds of evidence of my medical woes before 2004. And even if they won't accept it as direct evidence, I can use these documents to show doctors I was their patient. And my primary care doctor said he would be willing to talk to those past doctors to help me convince them to write a letter on my behalf. All they really have to say is they treated me for severe depression and fatigue. And because my mom kept a list of my prescriptions and my ECT treatments, I'm hoping that will be enough to convince them even if they don't remember treating me.

Wednesday I had my monthly checkup. And I got to peek at my main doctor's records from before 2004. It's all handwritten notes and a little hard to read (bad doctor handwriting is the most accurate stereotype in existence). But it clearly says I had depression and was undergoing ECT treatments. It even mentions one of the doctors I want to write me a letter. It's not a lot, but it is first hand, direct medical evidence from that time period. I think it will be very compelling to whoever reviews my case.

I also talked to the nurses/assistants in the office about copying my entire chart, and I thought we were on the same page, but as you will see later... we were not on the same page.

I exit the building and remember how far away I had parked. And once again I forgot to use my cane—even though I keep a spare in the car. The main lot was full and the disabled parking was occupied, so I had to park in the secondary lot. My legs were holding up so far, but it was already a lot of walking for me. Very slow walking.

His office is in the same complex as the hospital. Which is my next stop. It's the same hospital that I have been going to all of my life. And the hospital where both of my parents died.

But I need vintage medical records and that is where they keep them.

Or so I thought.

I drive from the medical office parking lot to the hospital parking lot and only the spots farthest away are empty. And because of goddamn global warming, it is 90 fucking degrees in late September. I park, lock my car, grab my man purse, and start hoofing it to the hospital entrance. I'm so nervous about getting these records that I forgot my damn cane again.

My thoughts are basically, "What if they only keep 7 years of records like everyone else? What if the records from Christian Northwest aren't kept with the records from Christian Northeast? (Christian NW doesn't exist anymore.) What if they won't send them to my lawyer? What if it costs a thousand bucks? What if, what if, what if..."

I get to the front desk and ask the lady where the records department is. She gives me directions that my brain is only capable of half paying attention to. Then I realized I left the records release form from my lawyer in the car. So I walk another half mile in the heat to my car without my cane. And initially, my thought was, "Well, at least I can grab my cane once I get the form." But by the time I got to my car my thought was, "AHHHHHHHHH THAT WAS A LONG FUCKING WALK. KILL ME!"

And so I forgot my cane.

Again.

I get back to the lobby and wave at the lady who gave me directions. I pretend like I remembered and confidently walk in the direction I recall her pointing to. I found the elevator. Thankfully this particular elevator only goes two places. Which seems like a waste of an elevator, but... whatever. I get off on the second floor and am met with a big sign with all the departments and little arrows next to them.

(I'm sure you knew what I was talking about but I'm trying to break up this wall of text with images because I am a professional blogger person.)

I see "Medical Records" and a leftward arrow. I used my keen detective skills to surmise I should probably veer left.

I find myself at the beginning of the world's longest hallway.

Without my cane.

And it is flooded with sterile florescent light and the walls are adorned with the world's most inoffensive art.

Here is a painting of a plant. Here is a painting of a bird. Here is a painting of a bird sitting on a plant. Wait, is that a... WATERFALL??

Suddenly Indiana Jones' voice shouts in my thoughts...

So, if you had to guess, do you think the records department was...

A.) near the beginning of the hallway? B.) in the middle of the hallway? C.) beyond the world's longest hallway in the world's second longest hallway?

As I enter the world's second longest hallway, I notice the art is repeating itself. I've seen that bird sitting on a plant before. I worried I was going in circles, but it turns out they probably just bought the inoffensive art in bulk and weren't concerned about repeats. I get about halfway down the second longest hallway and see a big sign sticking out... "MEDICAL RECORDS."

Note to God: The real world needs a fast travel mode.

I was a big sweaty mess and my legs were like jello. I lumber through the door and find a young woman scrolling through her phone and probably wishing she was anywhere else. She was behind a huge partition with a plexiglass divider—probably still there from COVID days.

I mean, it's still COVID days. But no one is acting like it so I am just pretending it is all over like everyone else seems to.

She notices an out-of-breath Hagrid towering over her and apathetically inquires, "Can I help you?"

I hold up a finger as I try to gain my composure and figure out exactly what I want to say. I usually rehearse this kind of thing beforehand but with all of the anxious thoughts spiraling through my brain, I totally forgot to do that.

"I need to ask questions about records." "What kind of questions?" "Well, how long are the records?" "I'm sorry?" "What year do they start?" "What year do you need?"

I'm suddenly realizing why I rehearse these things. So I take a moment and breathe deeply. I form the proper question in my mind.

"How far back do you keep medical records?" "30 years."

I shoot my hands up like I just scored a touchdown and say, "OH THANK GOD."

She is very confused.

"30 years, oh my god. 30 years just saved my life."

She is still very confused.

"And do you have records from Christian Northwest?" "Yes, we have everything from all Christian hospitals."

I try to give her a brief explanation of my situation and she cuts me off. "Fill out this form."

I look at the clipboard and it is a release form.

Do you remember way back when I walked an extra mile to and from the car to get a release form that my lawyer prepared? Well, turns out they have their own version of that and I walked all that way for nothing.

I finish the form and hand it to the bored, indifferent front desk lady. She tells me someone will be out in a moment. So I sit in the uncomfortable waiting chairs and try to rest a bit. A much tinier young woman walks to the front desk partition thingie and calls out my name. But due to her diminutive stature, she is completely obscured by a pillar and I have no idea where the voice is coming from. We do this little awkward dance on either side of the pillar, attempting to see each other, and finally we both end up on the same side. She starts looking over my form and seemed a little annoyed that I left a section blank. I wasn't sure what kind of records I needed and there was no box that said "everything everywhere all at once."

What I really wanted was any document with my name on it from the beginning of time.

But I was worried about asking for too much labor from this person so I started negotiating for some reason.

I was like, "Well, like, I really need like anything you have from before like 2004. And then maybe, like, some general records after 2004. Like, the pre-2004 records are super important. But, like, I also need to show I was sick all my adult life. So if there are like, summary records? Or, like, something?"

I couldn't stop saying like. I was turning into a Kardashian. Again, some rehearsal was probably warranted.

"I just don't want to be a burden and make you dig up all of my records. I mostly need my ECT records from 2001."

"What is ECT?"

"Shock therapy. It's for depression. I just need to show I was really sick before the age of 22."

"And who is this guy on the form?"

*ramble mode engaged*

"Oh, that is my disability attorney. You see, I'm trying to get a special kind of disability, but I need to prove I was sick before the age of 22. So anything like that before 2004 would be very helpful. But like, if you have less detailed records after 2004 that is good too. Because I may need to prove I've been sick my entire adult life."

*continued rambling until I notice she stopped paying attention*

She did not need to know all of this. And I was not answering the questions she needed answered. I was nervous and babbling and oversharing and I couldn't snap out of it. And I was really concerned if I asked for too much, she was going to be upset. But then she told me all of the records were in a warehouse and she would not actually be finding them for me. She just places an "order" for them. So this weird negotiation thing I was doing to keep her from being annoyed at me was pointless.

And I also realized... this is super important.

I yell at myself, "Ask for everything, stupid! Quit trying to get halfassed records because you're worried about inconveniencing someone."

Finally I just say, "I want every medical record you have from before I was 22 until now."

And she was like, "Sure."

Well... that was easy.

I thanked the tiny lady and the bored lady and exited back into the second longest hallway. My adrenaline was surging. I kept yelling, "30 YEARS!!" in my brain. I had to tell someone this amazing news. I had to tell them right that second or I might burst. So I grab my phone from my man purse and dial Katrina.

The thing is, I only call Katrina when something really bad happens. People don't make phone calls anymore. People text! So when she picked up the phone she answered with a very worried tone. As if somehow a third parent of mine died or something.

"THIRTY YEARS!!!!" "WHAT IS HAPPENING??" "They keep records for 30 years!" "OHHHHHHHHHH!!! That's amazing!"

She probably didn't hop for joy in real life, but in my mind I like to pretend she did. I start explaining everything that just happened and how they most likely have my ECT records and then I realize I am in the middle of the world's second longest hallway and I don't remember which direction leads back to the world's longest hallway. And because I am having unusual and extraordinarily good luck, a medical worker was walking by right at that moment.

"Which way back to the elevator?" "This way!" "Oh great! Thank you!" "Or that way. There are two elevators."

There is that normal luck I recognize.

I can feel the universe realigning itself. But that is okay, because...

THIRTY YEARS, BABY!

I talk to Katrina as I traverse the two longest hallways. Thankfully I was going in the correct direction and found the proper elevator. After a nice chat about various things including problematic 80s movies, we hung up and I decided to treat myself to a hospital cafeteria chicken quesadilla. They are surprisingly delicious and I ate them every single day while my dad was in hospice. Those quesadillas were a single bright spot during one of the hardest times of my life.

So I walk up to the grillmaster and look at the menu.

"Wait, where is the quesadilla?" "We stopped making those two weeks ago."

Universal realignment completed. Luck has returned to its original state.

A male nurse in front of me commiserated. "Yeah, man. I miss them too."

I walked back out to my car both happy and depressed. An odd combination of conflicted feelings. But my day was not over yet. I needed vaccines and groceries. Naturally, I went to the grocery store with the CVS. I got my dad his last booster there, so I was confident they could take care of me. I grab a shopping cart and pick up a few things on the way to the pharmacy. I get in line at the little vaccine check-in spot. The woman in front of me is getting her booster as well. Otherwise, the pharmacy is empty and the three employees are just scrolling through their phones.

After the previous booster seeker was taken care of, I tell the woman I need a booster and a flu vaccine.

"I can give the flu shot now and set an appointment for the booster." "You never required an appointment before." "We just started a few weeks ago." "Can I make an appointment for, like, now?" "No, sorry." "Do you have the booster in stock?" "Yes." "Do you have someone here qualified to give the booster?" "Yes." "Do you have any other appointments right now?" "No."

I tried very hard to keep my composure and remain polite.

"I am disabled. It is very hard for me to get out of the house. Returning another day would be very difficult. Can you please make an exception?"

"I can get you in tomorrow."

I probably should have asked for a manager at this point. But I had no energy for confrontation. She started preparing for me to get the flu shot, but I told her I was going somewhere else. My happy news was quickly being soured by weird rules that made no sense.

But I did see a cool robot.

I got my groceries and loaded them into my car. Some were frozen items so I made sure to turn the A/C on full blast. I called another pharmacy. It was the one run by the Jamaican family who came out to the house to give my parents boosters during the height of COVID. I asked if they could do walk-in vaccinations without an appointment. And in that beautiful accent, they replied, "Sure, come on by. We'll take care of you."

Their shop is in Ferguson. Which I'm sure the news has convinced people is a constant warzone or something. But the main street, West Florrisant, is actually really neat in spots. A lot of small businesses catering to the Black community. There was a soul food place and an African hair braiding place and a Taco Bell. Okay, it wasn't all Black-themed shops, but the pharmacy was directly next to the "Wumzy African Attire" tailoring shop that was combined with the party planning store.

And in the back was an African beauty supply depot.

Three shops in one! Just a very efficient use of space.

And looking through the window of the tailoring shop was like a feast of colors for the eyes. I don't know how they get fabric so bright and colorful. Really beautiful patterns too. I tried not to look like a creep while staring inside so I just walked reeeeeally slow toward the pharmacy entrance.

I just wish people knew that side of Ferguson. It's a beautiful community that was really dragged through the mud by the national media.

I digress.

I walked into the pharmacy and it was long and skinny. They had a few shelves with over-the-counter health products. But the main area was pretty empty. I guess they want to make sure they can accommodate long lines without people having to wait outside. But their working area seemed really cramped. There were some awards on the wall and news articles. Apparently, they are very involved with vaccinating the local refugee community. Something you won't see at pointless appointment-having CVS. I just felt like I was in the right place even if my frozen items were thawing and my legs were buckling from constantly forgetting my cane in the car.

The shop was run by the pharmacist and matriarch. Her son took my information. He looked about 18 and was a bit shy—but very kind and helpful. He directed me to this little partition they set up for vaccinations and they had a liquor bottle full of hand sanitizer. The label had a big "DO NOT DRINK" warning. I found a picture of the exact one on Google.

I washed my hands and rolled up my sleeve. The pharmacist greeted me with my shots prepared. Some people have a sort of magic touch when it comes to giving shots. I'm not sure if it is a special technique or just lots of experience, but aside from a little pressure, I didn't even feel the needles going in. And my arm was only mildly sore despite the double shots.

I really wanted to thank her for sending someone to vaccinate my parents when no one else would. But I was really tired and chickened out. So I just thanked her and drove home.

I unloaded my groceries and collapsed on the couch. I could barely move at that point. Everything hurt.

But... 30 years.

I was feeling good the next day despite everything. My body hurt, but my brain was contented from my success. But there was more to do and everything was trending downhill. I called those doctors mentioned in my personal medical records. I knew it was a long shot, but I asked if they kept records from 2001. They did not. However, I thought the psychiatrist who did my ECT was dead. And it turns out he is just old-as-heck and still practicing. So even though he doesn't have records and probably doesn't remember me, I am hopeful he will write me a letter.

My other psychiatrist from back then is also still practicing. No records there either.

So far my phone anxiety wasn't getting the better of me. But I still had more calls to make and I could feel my brain starting to get melty.

My pocket knife doesn't open correctly and I couldn't get anyone to email me back from SpyderCo. So I called their office in Colorado and tried to get someone to talk to me. I got bounced to three different people and finally a guy told me that model is just hard to open. So that was pointless.

Melt. Melt. Melt.

And finally, I had to call the dreaded CPAP supply place.

It did not go well. At all.

You can read more about it at that link, but the short version is I got angrily sighed at for asking reasonable questions about what the hell "chart notes" are. And the lady refused to answer those questions for no reason I can fathom. She eventually brought me to tears and got angry at me for doing so. And it turned out the call was pointless as well.

Oh, and my lawyer was sick. Remember him? Vacation guy? Who skipped town at the exact moment I got my disability denial letter? Yeah, I had been waiting for 7 grueling, anxiety-filled days to speak with him and he gets sick the day he returns.

Brain is melty goo.

Hey, Universe! I think you are overcorrecting with that luck realignment. I appreciate the 30 years of records thing, but can you let me enjoy it a little?

Friday arrives and I still have calls to make. The CPAP lady really messed up my brain and so just dialing the numbers was freaking me out. But I decided to start with the worst first. I called the CPAP lady and she finally had her precious "chart notes" and put my order through. She was cheerful and helpful and I was confused but thankful.

I thought maybe things were looking up in my phone call adventures.

My next call was to my primary care doctor's office.

One thing you need to know about my doctor is he is a bit of a... hot mess. A very smart, capable doctor. He knows his stuff. I suspect he has an eidetic memory due to his instant recall of medication names and doses and things that happened 8 years ago and detailed descriptions of medical conditions he only heard about in school 40 years ago. Aside from that, he is kind and compassionate and he has my back no matter what.

But he is technologically stuck in the 80s. His personal life is a roller coaster of drama. He once hired his girlfriend of 2 months to work at the office and his regular staff secretly whispered "She's so awful" behind his back. (They broke up soon after.) He is disorganized and constantly running late. And he takes on tons of frustrating patients because they have nowhere else to go. I admire him for treating so many poor elderly folks without any family to take care of them, but you can tell it is extremely challenging at times and a lot of that labor is delegated to his staff.

His office manager is probably the only person on the planet who can tolerate him being a hot mess.

Unfortunately, she is also a hot mess in completely different ways.

She tries to speedrun through everything. It's probably because she has a million things to do and is trying to fit 12 hours of work into an 8 hour workday. I try to be sympathetic and understanding of that. But one of her methods for speeding things along is attempting to use her psychic powers. You will start telling her what you need and she will do this thing where she cuts you off and tries to predict said need.

"I need a prescription for..." "Your thyroid meds are due, right? I'll send it over to the pharmacy." "...insulin. But I have a question about..." "So thyroid and insulin? No problem. I'll send it over." "...increasing my dosage." "Wait, what's yer question, hon?" "Was it 50 units..." "No, it's says 100. Okay? I'll send it over. Take care." "...twice per day or 100 units once in the morning?"

Often her predictions are so bad that it actually takes a lot more time to correct her than it would if she had just let you finish speaking. And this is especially problematic for me because I rehearse everything I need to say and she constantly interrupts and so I have to end up improvising new things to say that I never accounted for. And I'm already anxious and not thinking clearly so I do a poor job of explaining my needs and it just ends up in disaster.

So I have a complicated situation. I need my entire written chart copied and sent to my lawyer. I know it is a lot of work for the office staff. They probably have to copy several hundred pages. But this is probably the most important evidence in my disability case. And my lawyer has already volunteered to pay the several hundred dollars it will cost. It's worth it because if my case goes well, I could get years of back pay.

I call and get the young woman whom I really like on his staff. She is very quiet and unassuming but secretly the star of the office. Like a ninja of competence. If you really need something done properly without mistakes, she is the best one to go to. But her job does not include handling the records, so she transfers me to the office nurse. The office nurse does not process new information well. You often have to explain things several times. And if she gives up trying to understand, she hands you off to the office manager.

The Final Boss, if you will. I was really hoping I could avoid that.

"Okay, so my lawyer needs all of my written records..."

"He needs to fax a form saying what he needs, okay honey?"

"He already faxed a release form asking for records and I brought in a new copy yesterday with all of his mailing information..."

"He didn't fax anything. He needs to tell us what he needs. I'm not seeing any form. Just tell him to call me."

"He is out sick today and he already faxed the form and I brought a second one just in case. I signed it and dated it and I watched Competence Ninja put it in my chart. It asks for everything..."

"Okay, I see it here. This doesn't look right. He needs to tell us what he needs us to send him."

"It says in the letter, 'to release any medical information, including medical records, written letters, treatment reports, testing results, or similar information.' Should it say something different?"

"I've been doing this 20 years and I've never seen anything like this. He needs to be more specific. I ain't sending him all that, hon."

"So, this is for my disability case. I already talked to the nurse about this. And I know it is a lot, but the doctor's records are the only direct evidence that I've been sick since 2001."

"So you just need something from 2001? Okay, the lawyer needs to fax something saying that."

"I need the entire handwritten chart copied and sent to the lawyer. We need a full record of my illness because..."

"This is ridiculous. You're lawyer is fucking lazy. I've never seen anything like this. And I'm worried he is not going to represent your interests."

"This is not a normal disability claim. If you'd allow me to explain I think you'd understand why I need..."

"Disability should already have all this. We shouldn't need to send this. This is fucking ridiculous and you need a new lawyer. You're going to lose your case with his lazy ass."

"This isn't normal disability. I need to prove that I've been sick for a long time and..."

"This is going to cost a fortune, you know? We charge 50 cents per page. You're going to be out hundreds of dollars."

"Okay, but I will be out thousands of dollars if I don't get this copied."

"Fuck it. I am going to copy this ONCE. No more after this. UNDERSTOOD?"

And... she hung up on me.

My heart was beating out of my chest with panic and my eyes were blurry with tears. And in that moment, I thought I had done something wrong. My doctor gave me his personal mobile number so I call him up with tears apparent in my voice. I explain what just happened and that I was really sorry and that I didn't mean to upset her. He told me she is "just like that sometimes" and I shouldn't take it to heart. They have a very serious deadline for something due that day and she was very upset and I was collateral damage. I asked him to apologize for me and he said there was no need. He said we'd work it all out on Monday when this deadline wasn't stressing everyone out.

It wasn't until I calmed down a bit that I realized I did absolutely nothing wrong. That she was just being a big jerk and taking her other problems out on me. And I was probably the one deserving of an apology. I also remembered this is not the first time she has blown up at me. She was the one who tried to make me get a ventilator instead of a proper CPAP machine years ago. She said, "My mom has one and it works fine." And I was like, "So if I travel I'm supposed to take 12 pounds of medical equipment instead of a 1 pound device that fits neatly into a backpack?"

I get why my doctor made excuses for her. She works very hard and puts up with him. He'd never be able to find anyone that would last a week doing that job. And I have a feeling he probably defended me after I called. I played what he said back in my brain and noticed a frustrated tone. Despite what he said, it seems clear he was pissed.

I can make amends and figure things out with her. That isn't an issue. But I am worried that between her and CPAP lady, all of the progress I've made trying to reduce my telephobia was erased. I really was getting better calling people. I used to need Katrina hanging out on Skype while I called anyone as moral support. And while it still helps, I've gotten a lot better at calling strangers on my own. But now, I'm not so sure.

I might ask if there is an office email address I can use from now on. If I can write out what I need there is no way to get interrupted. I can be clear and detailed and use my writing skills to communicate way better than my phone skills.

I don't know.

It was just a crappy way to end a stressful, exhausting week.

But it wasn't the end!

Friday evening my sick lawyer finally called. I had rehearsed all kinds of things I wanted to say to him. But it turns out, all of my emails already did most of the talking—proof that I write a great email. He was really impressed with all of my detective work. And he said if those records pan out, he is very optimistic about my case going forward. He also said that he was expecting a denial. And it was probably good that we got that out of the way quickly. And now we get to mount more of a defense, which is what lawyers are good at. We talked for about 20 minutes and came up with a battle plan. He explained the process going forward. But he mentioned one thing that worried me.

This could take a while.

A lot longer than I was expecting.

I explained that I currently have a runway until about June 2024. That's when the mortgage money runs out. However, my brother should be willing to release my inheritance in March. I hope. I have a hard time trusting anything my brother says anymore. But if he does, then I should have another year of mortgage payments. But I am definitely going to have a Plan B just in case my brother finds a new way to disrespect my father's wishes.

The lawyer said there is a quick thing and a long thing. The quick thing has a low chance of success. But it is worth trying. The long thing is a hearing with a Social Security lawyer. He said a lot of these lawyers are miserable and don't want to be there and don't really care. Which is a good thing because they'll just be like, "Fine, whatever." But it can take a long time to get a hearing due to backlogs.

So, as long as I can gather all the evidence and the hospital records have my ECT stuff, I think there is room for hope. A little hope. After years of chronic illness I know hope is sometimes dangerous. So I allot a tiny bit of hope to keep me going forward, but not enough hope to leave me devastated if things go tits up.

So... umm... I think that is the end of this novel of a post. I feel bad that I don't have a big climax or twist or cliffhanger. Should I add a big CGI dragon fight?

Even though a more down-to-earth kung fu fight with my brother would be a more satisfying conclusion?

Or I could pull an M. Night Shyamalan and reveal that I've been dead for quite some time.

This post is getting really long.

Why are you still reading this?

I am thankful that you are. I just needed to get all of that out. I hope I wrote it in a compelling way and you weren't bored.

I love you all.

#long post #i see dead frogpeople

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crybabylulu · 14 days

Text

That Night (smut)

(Sugar mama Lin Beifong x sugar baby reader)

Minors go tf away!

Warnings: men being weird, fingering, drinking, degrading, fucking in a closet, fighting, lots of hickeys

Remember that party Asami invited you and Lin to? Yeah it’s party time!

I had a glass of champagne in my hand while I watched people dance around at Asami’s party. The more I drink my champagne the more I realize I should have just gotten a shot. I’m not the biggest champagne person but I try so hard to be it’s stupid. I got this itching feeling that someone was looking at me but before I could look around Mako came up to me. “Hey.” Mako said. “Hey.” I said back and gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek. “Have you seen Bolin?” Mako asked. “No I have not.” I said. “Damn, well you wanna take a shot with me?” He offered me a shot glass. “I’d love to.” I said as I took it.

We clinked glasses then tossed our shots back. The liquid burned for a second then the feeling subsided. “I gotta go find Bolin to make sure he’s not doing anything stupid. I’ll come back to check on you in a bit.” Mako said. “You don’t have to check up on me, I'm a big girl.” I told him. “Tell that to chief.” Mako said as he walked away. I shook my head. When I go out by myself Lin sometimes has Mako follow me around which he rather do then paperwork anyways but it’s not like I can’t take care of myself. I started getting that feeling again of someone watching me and it’s bugging me.

I need another shot. I walked off to the mini bar and ordered a shot of cactus juice and then after I took it I said fuck it and ordered another one. Before I could leave the bar some guy blocked my way. “Excuse me.” I said as I tried to get past him. “Why don’t you come dance with me?” The average height man asked. “Actually she’s my dance partner.” Asami said as she grabbed my hand and dragged me away towards the dance floor. “Thank you.” I said. “No problem now, dance with me.” Asami said. I laughed as she held my hand as we danced around each other and on each other.

“I’m surprised you can dance in this dress.” Asami said to me as I danced on her. “What do you mean?” I asked as I moved my hips. “The slits of your dress goes all the way up your thighs at any minute we could have a flash moment.” Asami teased. “Oh shut up I used the tape you invented to make sure this dress don’t move like that.” I laughed. “I’m glad it’s really working, I’m truly a genius.” Asami said. “Indeed you are.” I said. Once the song was over Asami went to go find Korra. I ran into Mako again. “Still no Bolin?” I asked. “He’s in the pool.” Mako told me.

“Oh also you are doing a shitty job at protecting me.” I teased him. “What happened? Are you ok?” Mako asked frantically and started looking over my body for bruises or scratches. I mean he might find a bruise or two because Lin likes to mark me up. “Did someone do this to you?” Mako asked as he poked at my shoulder blade. “That’s a hickey.” I told him. “Oh.” Mako said as he turned me around to face him. “Yeah me and your mom get frisky.” I said. “I don’t need to know about what you and the chief do.” Mako said and shivered in disgust.

I laughed. “Anyways what happened?” Mako asked. “Some dude blocked me from leaving the bar then Asami came to save me.” I said. “I saw you two on the dance floor, you don’t think chief will get mad?” Mako asked. “Why would she?” I asked. “Since she likes to leave marks on you like that and has me follow you around she seems a little possessive don’t you think?” Mako asked. “I suppose so, yes but I don’t think she’ll get upset over me dancing with Asami.” I said. “Anyways stay with me so you don’t get bothered.” Mako said.

Hmmm how about no. “Mako, look , there's a tall buff smart pretty girl over there.” I said and pointed in the opposite direction. “Where?” Mako asked and I took off. I went back to the dance floor. I’m not afraid to dance alone. Is it more fun to have someone to dance with yes but oh well I have to dance alone. As I was dancing I felt someone grab my waist and I wasn’t alarmed at first my brain thought it was Asami or Lin. “Where’s your dance partner?” The male voice asked. Oh hell no! I quickly moved away and turned around.

“Dude what the fuck?” I asked. “Just dance with me.” He said. “No.” I said and tried to walk away from him but he grabbed my wrist. “Hey! Get off.” I snapped and turned back to face him. “It’s just one dance.” He snapped back. Before I could raise my other hand to punch him I was pulled away and then the guy was put on the ground. “You ok?” Mako asked. “Yeah I’m fine.” I told Mako. “You sure?” Lin asked me. “I’m fine baby.” I said. “I’ll get him out of here.” Mako said and dragged him away. “Come with me.” Lin said and we walked off the dance floor. “Where are we going?” I asked.

“Since people wanna dance with my girl I’ll just have to remind them you belong to me.” Lin said. Oh no. Lin dragged me into a closet. She pushed me against the wall and started a passionate make out. Her coming to save me made me horny but now her shoving me into the closet has me even more excited. Anyone could come in and see us but I don’t care. I want them to know, I want them to see, I need them to know I’m her’s. I pulled away. “You gonna keep making out with me or are you gonna remind everyone who I belong to?” I asked. Lin immediately attacked my neck.

I leaned my head back so she could have more access to my neck. “Lin please more.” I begged her. “Don’t be an impatient brat.” Lin growled. “Please.” I begged. Lin turned me around and lifted up my dress. I wasn’t wearing any shorts, it was just a dark red thong with a heart chain under my long dress. Lin smacked my ass and I let out a moan. “Lin.” I whined. She nibbled on my ear and smacked my ass over and over. God this feels so good. Lin pulled down my panties and started to circle my clit. “You’re wet just from me spanking you?” Lin asked.

“Yes, I love when you spank me.” I whined. Lin turned me to face her and pulled down my dress to pull out my breast. She nipped my left nipple and I gasped. She was gonna leave marks all over my tits. “Lin please more.” I begged. Lin slipped two fingers inside of me stretching me out and my back arched. “Yes, more baby more.” I whined. She curled her fingers and did a come here motion. “Fuck keep doing that.” I moan out. “You’re all mine aren’t you?” Lin whispered in my ear. “Yes I’m all yours!” I cried out. Her fingers feel so good inside of me. “You’re sure?” Lin asked.

“Yes baby I’m yours.” I moaned. “I thought you’d be Asami’s the way you were dancing on her.” Lin growled and rubbed my clit with her other hand. “No Lin. I’m yours all fucking yours! I belong to you!” I cried out. I guess Mako was right. “That’s right you belong to me.” Lin said. My legs were shaking and ready to give out. “Oh god please chief I’m close.” I whined as I felt a familiar tightness building in my belly. “When you cum you better scream my name.” Lin commanded. I nodded my head and the closer I got to tipping over the edge I kept saying her name over and over again.

“Do you think you can take another finger?” Lin asked. My eyes widened. “I c-can try.” I said unsurely. “Good girl.” Lin said and I felt her add a third finger. I gripped Lin’s shoulders. “Fuck chief!” I cried out. “Your tight pussy is swallowing my fingers up so well baby girl.” Lin cooed. We’ve never done this before but it feels so fucking good and I can feel my juices leaking down my thighs. “I’m so close.” I told her. “Cum for me baby you can do it.” Lin said, pumping her fingers faster. “I’m all yours Lin, I belong to you, I’m yours. I don’t want anyone but you,” I grabbed Lin’s face so she could look at me as I declared her ownership over me.

I could tell her eyes were full of lust but there’s something else there but I had no time to decipher what it was because Lin smashed her lips against mine. Lin plunged her tongue in my mouth and I didn’t even put up a fight. I let her do whatever she wanted to me. As Lin slowly pulled away I felt light headed. “You’re right you’re mine, you belong to me, there will be no one that touches you the way I do.” Lin groaned. Her words pushed me over the edge. “Lin!” I cried out as I orgasmed.

Lin fingered me through as my whole body shook. “Fuck Beifong.” I sighed out. “You ok?” Lin asked. I nodded my head. “You sure?” Lin asked. “Yes baby I’m fine.” I said. “Good.” Lin said as she pulled out her fingers and I put them in my mouth. I sucked them clean for her. “Let’s get out of here.” Lin said. “No, I wanna keep dancing.” I whined. “One more dance then we go.” Lin said as she helped me put on my panties. “You fucked up the tape.” I sighed. “What do you mean?” Lin asked. “There was tape that I put on the strings of my panties to help keep my dress from moving all over the place.” I told her.

“You’ll be fine.” Lin said. I nodded and we exited the closet together. Before we made it all the way back to the party Lin stopped me. “What’s wrong?” I asked and turned to look at her. Lin opened her mouth but then stopped. “Where the hell have you two been? Are you ok?” Kya asked coming up to us. “I was a little shaken up about what happened earlier.” I said. “Aww Linny, look at you taking care of your girlfriend. How romantic.” Kya teased. “Kya don’t you have single woman to mingle with?” Lin asked. “No need to be hostile Linny, but are you really ok?” Kya asked me.

“Yes I’m fine.” I said. “Oh and by the way Mako got into a fight with that guy.” Kya said. “Is Mako ok?” I asked. “Of course he’s ok.” Lin said. “Lin knows her precious son can handle himself but yes he’s ok.” Kya said. Lin rolled her eyes. Kya’s eyes widened. “What?” I asked. “Y’all are nasty! All those hickeys.” Kya gasped. “Oh hush Kya.” Lin said. Kya and I laughed. I was happy that the hickeys were seen. This is what we wanted. We walked back to the party and I got to dance with Lin for a little bit. Lin ran her hands over my body as we danced.

#lin is fine asf #chief of police lin beifong #sugar mama lin beifong #lin beifong smut #lin beifong x reader #tlok lin #korra x asami #asami sato #mako tlok #kya tlok

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gallusrostromegalus · 10 months

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For An Elephant is Warm and Mushy, what's the deal with Ichigo and Isshin? Cause I hate Isshin, but I want to know what your take is on it. (Sorry if you've already addressed this.)

I think my thoughts on Isshin in AEIWAM are best summed up as such:

To elaborate: I think that, if he had been a father under normal circumstances, Isshin would have been a perfectly competent and even a good father.

...But he's not parenting under Normal Circumstances.

He's parenting as widower (alone) with three psychic (no how-to guides on this!) and traumatized (Especially Ichigo) children, while processing his own trauma (Again, Widower), while in a HIGHLY demanding and stressful career (Emergency care specialist/Surgeon), while technically on the run from the law (he's still wanted for being a deserter), while also in Apex Predator Central (Karkura is CHOCK A FUCKING BLOCK fulla hollows).

And BY GOD, the man is trying! AEIWAM! Isshin does his best to keep his children informed of the dangers of their world while not also risking them breaking his witness protection scheme. He works extremely hard and his best to keep them fed, housed, safe, educated and loved, and he LOVES them SO MUCH. Isshin is NEVER shy always genuine with affection towards his children! Hell, he even reaches out to who he can (Urahara, Ryukken, his neighbors, the kid's teachers) for help because he knows he's in over his head and needs help and that's a hard damn thing for a parent to do, but...

...It's not enough.

He still lies to his children. For perfectly sane and understandable reasons, but he still lies to them. He still doesn't understand his children- He gives them all the love he can, as best he knows how, but Ichigo especially speaks an entirely different love language. He's still not there for his children. Balancing three kids is ROUGH when you're a single parent and I'm afraid Isshin has some old-fashioned notions about gender that cause him to prioritize the twins over Ichigo. And worse, he's not there when Ichigo, and later the twins, start being in mortal danger from the fallout of his connection to Soul Society.

He grit his teeth and moved heaven and earth to rise to the occasion and still managed to fall well short of it.

A+ for Effort

D- for The Actual Results

So. Why DOES Isshin keep failing at healthy communication? Why DOES he make bizarre choices? Why DOES he suck at being a father?

As I was writing I realized the answer is that he was in the right time and place to accidentally learn some VERY bad habits from his friends and colleagues during his heavy involvement in the Soi Fon-Yoruichi Debacle.

This is already a very long post, so the explanation is under the cut:

To be clear: It's not their fault.

It's one of those awful "Its nobody's fault specifically, but the way human minds work means that this sort of conflict and bad behavior was inevitable" situations. The tragedy of being discrete beings.

The crux of Soi Fon and Yoruichi's relationship was that two people who had previously only moderate issues met another person whose own issues massively exacerbated their own in a continuously escalating cycle.

AEIWAM! Soi Fon is the SOLE surviving child of the Fon Clan. He five older brothers were all killed in service to the second division and the Shihon clan. Possibly under Yoruichi's direction, if I understand the timelines right. She was also raised from a very young age to ignore her own needs as a person, use violence as a Solution to her problems, largely starved of affection, and to hero-worship Yoruichi. Girl was already messed up when she walked into the Second division.

AEIWAM! Yoruichi is ALSO a sole surviving clan heir (Yushiro is conceived as a direct result to her vanishing in TBTP) and ALSO taught to use violence as a first solution, but instead of a self-sacrificing mindset, Yoruichi was raised to believe that other people sacrificing themselves for her was normal, good and even virtuous on their part. She was also sort of doted on by her parents, who were thrilled that their last-chance heir was shaping up so well (So far as they knew).

You can see how this was always going to go badly.

Soi fon is desperate to please. Yoruichi thinks this is perfectly normal and desirable behavior, and so she rewards it with copious affection, because Soi Fon responds to that well. Soi fon, receiving her first hit of positive reinforcement in her whole life, promptly falls head over heels for Yoruichi, and works even harder for her. Yoruichi, thrilled to have someone so capable, continues to reward this behavior. The cycle continues, and escalates.

Eventually, the two of them are operating in completely different worlds. So far as Soi Fon can tell, She and Yoruichi are in a Grand Romance, like a knight and her princess in the fairytale stories she used to comfort herself with as a little girl. She assumes this is a normal relationship between lieutenant and captain. So far as Yoruichi can tell, She and Soi Fon are in a Perfectly Normal And Platonic Working Relationship, because this is how every 2nd Division Lieutenant has fawned over their Shihon captain since the division's inception, and she assumes this is perfectly normal.

At some point, Soi Fon realizes that their relationship is really one-sided and she's giving 110% for maybe 4% on Yoruichi's behalf, but she's invested so much and every authority figure in her life is telling her that this is Right and Correct, that she actively chooses the fantasy over reality to cope with her circumstances. At some point, Yoruichi realizes that she's wildly taking advantage of Soi Fon's romantic feelings that she... well. She likes the girl well enough, but not romantically. But She relies so much on Soi Fon to run the 2nd Division and every authority figure in her life is telling her that this is Right and Correct that she actively chooses to play into Soi Fon's fantasy to preserve this very beneficial (for her) status Quo.

...Enter Kisuke Urahara.

Urahara has no horse in this particular race- in fact, he doesn't even know there's a race going on. He's deeply enamored of this ABSOLUTE BABE that's into his schlubby little ass, who's cool and funny and involved in the same insane workplace he is, and when Yoruichi sometimes complains to him about how crazy her lieutenant is, his only frame of reference is... Mayuri. He thinks this is normal, and the romantic relationship between him and Yoruichi continues to grow. She's his unexpected 11 out of 10, he's her fun dirty little secret. It's kinda tawdry, but it is honest.

Then TBTP happens. Kisuke and Yoruichi sorta accidentally frame themselves for treason, then someone (Aizen) very on purpose frames them for treason.

And so far as Soi Fon knows, the woman she loved, the woman she devoted her life to, the woman who (allegedly) loved her back- has lied to and discarded her.

It hurts. It hurts A Lot.

...Enter Isshin Shiba.

In AEIWAM, Isshin becomes a captain the same week TBTP happens, though he's on the other side of the rukongai when that shit goes down, so he shows up to his first captain's meeting with more than half the captains being brand new to their jobs, not totally sure what he or anyone else is doing-

-And there's Soi Fon. Alone and Miserable.

Isshin is an older brother to a younger sister (who never gets a name in canon) and an uncle to her three children, but they all live way out in the middle of nowhere so he hardly ever sees them and seeing Soi Fon at the meeting, exhausted and distraught (And maybe a little bit hungover) activates every single Big Brother And Uncle instinct he's been looking to inflict on someone.

It's VERY easy for him to hear Soi Fon's side of the story, conveniently ignore the part where she actively chose to believe in a romantic relationship she knew didn't actually exist, and cast Yoruichi as The Bad Guy Who Took Advantage Of My Poor Substitute Little Sister.

Soi Fon, who had *almost* been on the verge of being realistic about the breakup, leans into his version of the story, because, again, she's massively starved for affection and Isshin is giving her the type of love her now-dead brothers used to. So Isshin learns Bad Gender Habits here, and Bad Listening Habits, and Bad "Casting People Into Roles Instead Of Treating Them Like People" Habits, and gets rewarded for them with Soi Fon's attention and sisterly affection.

This is also probably where his decision-making skills start to decline- Soi Fon is a Trusted Colleague of his, and he goes to her for advice on Tricky Political Things, because that's what 2nd division DOES. Unfortunately, Soi Fon lives in Information Opsec Paranoia Spy Shit Hell, and gives her advice out accordingly. He starts favoring not giving out details unless he thinks it's REALLY necessary, and using bad-faith decision making. Even More unfortunately, the Gotei-13 is a hot mess of an organization and these habits serve him well.

...Enter Masaki Ishida, and shortly thereafter, Exit Isshin Shiba until he appears in the Human world as Dr. Isshin Kurosaki, and his wife, Masaki Kurosaki.

It's during the "I met a woman who is *technically* an enemy of the state, but she was so cool I fell so hard in love I decided to do a desertion and light treason" mess, Isshin becomes properly acquainted with Urahara and Yoruichi, and eventually, he hears Yoruichi's side of the story. He reverses course, now Soi Fon is the Crazy Ex, and Yoruichi was just doing what was necessary to survive in their demented military-industrial-spy-governement workplace.

Yoruichi doubles down on his "Shut the FUCK up or Yamamoto or worse is gonna come and kill us, and everyone we love" paranoia, because she's also on the run, and when he comes to her for advice on "So apparently the hollows are WAY stronger than I thought, they KILLED MY WIFE, how am I supposed to keep my kids safe?" She advocates teaching them how to recognize and hide from hollows rather than proper self-defense or the truth, because her first fear still is retribution from Soul Society. It's not insane of her- Yamamoto has a very literally fiery temper and can hold grudges for millennia.

So Isshin Tries. But he's also very burdened by paranoid neurotic behavior he doesn't even know he has, and dodgy-if-not-totally-insane advice from his friends.

And that's what I think of Isshin Kurosaki :)

#AEIWAM #Bleach #Bleach fanficton #bleach isshin #isshin kurosaki #isshin shiba #bleach ichigo #ichigo kurosaki #soi fon #yoruichi shihouin #If this was an AITA post #it's very much an “Everyone Here Sucks” result

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so-long-soldier-writes · 8 months

Text

drabble #7 - kissing disease

kai parker x reader

summary: despite the deal he had made with her several weeks ago, kai needs his sister for her medical opinion, again.

tags: doctor / hospital, sickness, small mention of blood, caught / confession

word count: 1,023

a/n: here is a short lil drabble-ish piece i wrote as i'm trying to get back in the swing of things. i went to a tvd con, and then got a cold 😭 so i'm a little out of it. but, i did produce this, so here it is!

A series of knocks disturb the couple and their guest from their conversation. It’s bad enough to have one uninvited guest, and now there’s another at the door. Even worse, when Ric answers, it’s the person he and his girlfriend want to see least in the world.

Kai Parker, visibly ill, is hunched over his entryway. One hand is gripping the doorframe, while the other is raised to knock again, but drops when Ric opens it.

“Oh no-” the older man starts.

“Wait, wait, wait-”

Upon hearing the direct ‘no’ from Ric, Jo joins his side. At the sight of her twin brother, though, she’s immediately pissed. “No. We had a deal. I give you my magic and you never speak to me again.”

“I know-”

“So why the hell would you think it’s okay to come here?”

“I need your help.”

“You’re insane! If you think I’m going to help you, after all you’ve ever done to me, you’re insane.”

“I know, and I know we had a deal. But, look, I’m really sick, I don’t know why. It’s not a magical problem this time, because I’ve tried to heal it with magic and it’s not working. I don’t know if I did the right spell, or if there’s something blocking it, I don’t know. All I ask is that you just look. Just, try to see me as a patient, just for today. Please?”

“You will not manipulate me like that. I won’t let you.”

“I’m not trying to, I promise.”

By now, Damon’s joined the doorway. “Oh, it’s you,” he says bluntly. “Why are you here?”

“I’m sick. I came to see my sister because she’s a doctor, not because I wanted to hurt her. Please, Josette.”

The girl sighs. “Fine. But if you try anything, I will kill you.”

“Promise I won’t.”

Ten minutes later, she has Kai sitting on a patient bed in Whitmore hospital. The three had decided it would be easier to do there, so they made the quick drive over to the medical center. Luckily, it’s after busy hours, so they’re able to work without interruption.

At first, Jo asks all the typical questions and runs all the standard tests. She rules out that it’s definitely not a magical issue, and that it seems to be a virus of some sort. She just can’t seem to narrow it down to which one, though.

“It’s not strep; that test came up negative. Could you repeat your symptoms to me?”

Kai rolls his eyes, but answers, “throat has been sore for a couple days, my, like, lymph nodes are swollen, up here on my neck,” he points to the area, “I’m really tired, skin is kinda hot, and I’ve had a headache.”

“Right. So this is kind of a Hail Mary, but I’m gonna do it anyway. I need a sample of your blood. Just a finger-prick.” She holds out a little test, then a needle, and takes his hand. “Try not to flinch,” she says, before remembering to whom she’s talking. Jo then almost flinches herself when she realizes it’s her brother’s hand she’s grasping.

Kai doesn’t budge when she pricks his finger. In fact, he just yawns, like he’s bored. It disturbs her.

“Just give it a couple minutes.”

Jo leaves to find the other two while the test takes the time it needs. In a couple minutes, though, she returns, both men on her tail. She reads the test, then scoffs.

“What is it?” Ric asks before anyone else can.

“It’s positive.”

“For what?”

“Mono.”

“What?!” The man asks a third time.

“What’s that mean?” Damon questions, too.

“Mononucleosis. Epstein-Barr. Whatever you want to call it. The Kissing Disease.” She looks at Kai, who says nothing. “Spread through saliva. Either you got it from kissing someone, or sharing drinks, silverware, or something like that. So what’s it from?”

“No way,” Damon interrupts, “there’s no way someone was kissing him, that’s got to be a false positive.”

“It’s the only one of all my tests to come out positive.”

“Alright, fine,” Kai says, “of all the ways I expected to be caught, this was not one of them.”

The two men seem to get angry at this. At nearly the same time, they bark, “who was the poor girl?”

“Hey, she was a willing participant!”

“Who was it, Kai?”

“Really pretty. Sweet voice. Likes the bad boys, but she seems so innocent, you wouldn’t know unless she told you. Friend of yours, Damon. You had her babysit me one day, and then things just kind of… took off!”

“No.” Damon denies, not wanting it to be true.

“Oh, yes.”

“She wouldn’t be caught with the likes of you. Y/N is too good for that.”

“Oh, but she wasn’t caught… until, well, she apparently gave me mono.”

“But that was months ago I had her watch you.”

“And it was months ago since we started hanging out. And then hanging turned to kissing, which I started, because she’s way too shy to give in the first time, but once she does, she’s just… crazyyyy cute about it. Always stealing kisses when I’m not expecting it. Guess it makes sense how this could’ve happened.”

“You’re lying. Y/N would never.” Ric agrees with his best friend.

“I swear to you I am not.”

“I’ve got an easy way to figure this out. Hold on one second.” Damon puts a finger up while dialing a number on his phone. After a few rings, it picks up. “Y/N?”

“Yeah, hi. What’s up?”

“Not much. Was just wondering if you’re up for a drink later, at the grill?”

“Mm, I’m not actually feeling too great today. Raincheck for another time?”

“Oh, really? That sucks.”

“Yeah, I think it’s just a typical common cold.” You clear your throat rather loudly. “Sorry.”

“Hey, no worries. Feel better okay?”

“I’ll try,” you chuckle, “see you later?”

“Let me know when you’re better. Bye.”

“Will do. Bye.”

Damon looks at Alaric, then Jo, and all three, horrified, stare down at Kai together.

The little troublemaker manages to smirk. “Still think I’m lying?”

#kai parker x reader #malachai parker x reader #kai parker #tvd fanfiction #to clarify - i have a cold #not mono 😂😅#but this came to me and i thought it was cute #i wish i was kissing kai but i'm not

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peterbarnes · 7 months

Text

Maybe Season 2: Chapter 1

Summary: You work at the TVA as an analyst. Every day is the same- boring case after boring case- but your entire life changes one day when a new variant shows up.

Word Count: 1.5k

Catch up on season 1 of the series!

A/N: chapter 1 is here!! I'm gonna try to upload weekly. I'll try to stay somewhat canon-compliant but since I kind of diverged during the season 1 finale, not everything will be the exact same as the show (obv). Enjoy!

It’s hard being in a place outside of time.

Your life drags on, but there’s nothing to quantify it; no way to measure your loneliness or your work. But - if you had to guess - it would be somewhere close to eternity.

You hadn’t slept once since He Who Remains passed. It was peaceful, just like he’d hoped. And it was a stark reminder that despite everything, he was still just a human being.

“You must protect the timeline,” he whispered to you on his deathbed. “My variants…if they come -”

“I won’t let them,” you interrupted. “I’m not scared.”

“You should be,” he said, voice quivering. “The Conqueror. He has no hesitation, no restraint. He is a vessel of destruction. I am a vessel of destruction.”

You took his shaking hand, gripping it tightly. Your heart thumped in your chest, nearly blocking out all other sounds. It was like someone was squeezing your ribs, blocking any air from coming in.

“Everything will be okay,” you promised.

It was a lie.

- - -

“No, no, no, no,” you repeated to yourself.

You were running around the citadel, from TemPad to TemPad, document to document. It was a mess - books scattered across the floor and cracks breaking apart the marble walls.

“Miss Minutes!” You called.

“Yes?”

You shrieked at the sudden voice and whipped around to find the orange clock floating behind you.

“Why isn’t Renslayer answering my calls?” You questioned.

Miss Minutes wasn’t taking your succession of Time too well. She met every question or command you gave with an eye roll or a snarky comment.

“I already told you,” she said, exasperated. “I don’t know.”

“Your job is literally to know everything,” you snapped, slamming a document down onto your desk.

“Hey!” She retorted. “You watch your tone with me, missy. Judge Renslayer is completely off the grid. I can’t track her or her TemPad anywhere.”

“Can’t or won’t?” You asked.

Miss Minutes didn’t answer. She simply scoffed and crossed her orange arms.

“You see that?”

You pointed out the window - to the Sacred Timeline beyond the Citadel. Except, it didn’t look the same as when you arrived. Instead of a beautiful blend of neon hues in one direction, streaks were going in all different directions. Branches, and they were growing fast.

“If I can’t contact the TVA’s head judge, then we can’t create a plan to stop this branching!”

You were screaming at this point, more to yourself than Miss Minutes.

“This never happened under He Who Remains,” Miss Minutes argued, pointing her gloved finger at you. “This problem started as soon as you took over.”

You glared daggers at the AI, but she wasn’t wrong. You had promised to protect and uphold Time, to prevent a multiversal war. All you had accomplished since you took over was making it worse.

“It’s not just me,” you tried to reason. “The TVA is falling apart. Now that we - the employees - know they’re variants, they’re either going back to their place on the timeline or refusing to prune. It’s a disaster!”

You plopped onto your desk chair, burying your head in your hands. Your nails picked at your scalp, pulling hair and skin out of frustration.

“This is your responsibility now,” Miss Minutes told you coldly. “If the TVA isn’t working right, get down there and fix it yourself.”

And with that, she was gone. The only person - and you use ‘person’ loosely - you had to talk to.

You sniffled into your sleeve. It was a blue sweater, warm and soft. It might appear mundane, but it was the only piece of clothing you’d worn that wasn’t your TVA uniform. It wasn’t supposed to be defined by your job, but you. Yet here you were sniffling into it as you crumbled under the pressure of your choices.

“I can’t fix it. Why can’t I fix it?” You scolded yourself as tears cascaded down your cheeks.

Miss Minutes’s words echoed in your head.

Get down there and fix it yourself.

Your eyes narrowed at the TemPad that sat on the desk before you. You wiped your eyes on your sleeve before grabbing the device and activating a Time Door.

You walked toward it, prepared to enter when something caught your eye. Your old TVA jacket lay scattered on the floor in the corner, still caked in blood from when you fought Sylvie and Loki. The memories flashed through your mind, and you winced. You pictured an alternate timeline where everything worked out perfectly. You and Loki together in a beautiful house. You would get a high position at a tech company as he spends his days exploring human literature and making amends for his past. Sylvie peacefully traipsing the countryside, finally having that chip off her shoulder. Mobius visiting you and Loki, sharing stories about his jet ski rides.

If only reality were as perfect as dreams.

Before you could talk yourself out of it, you ran and grabbed the jacket from the floor. It slipped on easily, like habit. As much as you had tried to run away from it, there was comfort in the familiarity.

The Time Door stood before you, inviting you in. You inhaled a deep breath and closed your eyes.

And then you walked through.

When you opened your eyes, you saw two gold doors. You backed up, trying to figure out where you were, only to back into a wall. The tiny space you were in was an elevator, you quickly realized. No button was pressed, but it moved nonetheless like it was taking you where you needed to go.

You were about to slip the TemPad into your pocket when it started beeping furiously.

“I swear if this isn’t Renslayer -”

There was no message, no notification awaiting you. Instead, what you saw was utter destruction.

“Oh my God,” you whispered in horror.

Bomb after bomb was being dropped on branches. They snapped off the timeline like twigs as entire universes were completely eradicated. It wasn’t pruning - it was genocide.

If you had never let the branches grow this far, this never would have happened.

It’s your fault.

It’s all your fault.

Suddenly, the elevator dinged, and the doors opened. The control room of the TVA was packed. Analysts and Hunters crowded the room, staring at the screen in front of them. What was on your TemPad was now displayed much bigger. A broken timeline, a massacre.

“Those are lives,” you heard someone say.

Shock overcame your body. You had no control anymore of your actions - you didn’t even realize you had been walking until the elevator doors shut behind you and you were in the center of the control room.

The TVA workers parted as you walked by them. Gossip spread, and whispers were shared. They all knew - you could tell. They knew about your betrayal, how you sided with the man that had stolen their lives - your life.

As the last of them parted, one person stood firmly in your way. Raven hair messily fell past his cheeks, and his blue eyes bored into you. They widened as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

“Hi.”

It was all you could say.

“Hi,” he responded.

An awkward pause settled between you. Loki cleared his throat and turned to Mobius, who nodded at him encouragingly.

“He was wrong,” Loki said to you. “A replacement didn’t stop the branching.”

“He wasn’t wrong,” you told him softly. “I just wasn’t right.”

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“What?”

“I tried,” you said, voice cracking. Tears slowly welled in your eyes. “I thought I could fix it. But no matter how hard I tried, it was never enough. I was never enough. I failed.”

You tried to wipe your tears discreetly so no one would see.

“You have some nerve showing up here,” one of the workers shouted. Others sounded their agreement.

You stared at the floor in shame.

“Easy, X-10 or I’ll throw you in that cell with Brad,” Loki threatened, his tone pointed and glare blazing.

“I want to help,” you said to the hunter. “There’s a war coming. We need to be ready.”

Mutters broke out amongst the crowd.

“A war?”

“What war?”

“What do you mean?”

But amidst all the chaos, Loki’s eyes didn’t leave yours. You watched as he slowly walked toward you. The anger in his eyes faded immediately when he looked at you. Instead, they looked sad - the type of melancholy only heartbreak could cause. Misery, longing, and fear all in one. But he pushed it aside, approaching you and holding out his hand.

“Stay?” He asked softly.

“Always.”

Tag List:

@bethany2002 @jordynhouston @decadentwastelandtrash

@mrs-obrien @darlingyoureperfection @sadandabadbitch

@wizardcherryblossom @vampiregirl1797 @heelsh1re

@poubxlle @naturallyathief @burntchicken231

@imabadbiatchh @elisebuitron @senuritaawsome226

@jordynhouston @morganmofresh @themightypiggo

@itsybitchylittlewitchy @druellaavery

@mayemperess @shadowluna25

@essencess @a-laufeyson

@the-obelisk

#loki #loki x reader #loki fanfic #loki fanfiction #loki imagines #loki imagine #loki x oc #loki x y/n #loki x you #loki laufeyson #loki layfeyson x reader #loki season 2 #loki series #loki 2x02

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my-mt-heart · 7 months

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NYCC 23 Thoughts

I know Caryl fans are more than ready to celebrate. I am too for what it's worth. Believe me, I'm so ready, but I also have concerns that some may not want or need to hear right now. And I get it. Fandom is supposed to provide a space for us to enjoy our favorite shows and characters without real life obstacles bleeding into it. My blog has really pushed those boundaries over the past year and half, so if that's not what you're looking for, feel free to scroll on by or block. If for some reason my rants are of any use to you, however, then here goes another one. Ahem.

Four middle-aged white men walk onto a stage...

…And proceed to make complete asses of themselves.

This is my biggest gripe with TWDU right now. It perpetuates the same tired, limited perspective of the upper class, middle-aged white man in not one, but all of the new spinoffs. TOWL is supposed to be about Rick and Michonne, but it's no secret Gimple favors Rick. Dead City is supposed to be about Negan and Maggie, but the showrunner only goes on and on and on about Negan/JDM in his interviews. S2 of le spinoff is supposed to be about Daryl and Carol, but...well, I'll get to that. My point is, representation offscreen matters because it affects what we see onscreen and which viewers will be drawn to watch. Personally, I didn’t feel drawn to anything during that panel, not because Melissa finally being announced isn’t exciting, but because the people speaking on her behalf always find ways to ruin the moment.

If Gimple wasn't going to talk about his show, I don't understand why he needed to be there. If it was a tradeoff, I would've rather seen Melissa up there and hear what she had to say about her own return and her own character in her own voice. If that still wasn't possible, I fully respect that, but there has to be some other way to deliver news besides constantly relying on male EPs who don't understand what her fans value about her. I worry this is how it's going to feel when I'm watching S2. I want Carol, but not a misrepresentation of her. Greg Nicotero is directing the premiere. Okay...and what about the other two blocks? Any women/POC directors? Anyone who's going to honor Carol the way she deserves instead of treating her like an extension of Daryl's story?

So, yeah. About that title. First of all, “The Book of Carol” is an odd choice in itself. The biblical allusions are annoying because they don't speak to who Carol is as a character. I’m not mad that it implies we’re getting Carol’s POV—quite the opposite—but I don’t like the confusion it’s causing either. Let’s be clear, Carol is not a short chapter in Daryl's story. She is Daryl’s story. Calling Melissa a "series regular" is extremely poor wording, and a sincere fuck you to whoever approved it for the announcement. She is a lead with EP credit and creative input. I am so sick of AMC leaving it up to the fans to debate her worth. Tell us she’s vital to the show, tell us it’s her show, and use clear language. Stop giving her haters more ammo they don't need and stop giving her fans more anxiety they really don't need.

Honestly, it would’ve been easier to accept if S2 was formally called TWD: Book of Carol. The problem is "The Book of Carol" is not the title. It's a subtitle of a (sub)title, and it's bullshit. It feels like a scam, another way to try to convince us we're getting what we want when we're not really getting much of anything. I don’t know if they're worried about false advertising since S2 won't be a Daryl and Carol story—more like a Carol story which, again, I’m not mad about as long as it leads to a reunion and canon by the end. Or maybe they’re stubbornly clinging to the belief that Daryl’s name is what sells despite the atrocious ratings suggesting otherwise. Daryl AND Carol do sell though, so why not lean all the way into it? Why risk turning the show into a laughing stock with obnoxious titles? These characters don’t deserve that.

Another thing that worries me is how it'll be promoted. As "The Book of Carol" or Daryl Dixon S2? Is it going to vary based on who AMC is trying to placate? Is "The Book of Carol" going to be smaller than Daryl Dixon on all the key art? Including Carol in the title was supposed to show that Daryl and Carol are equals. That way, Norman and Melissa would also be treated as equals by viewers and by co-workers. This doesn't look very equal to me...

Why —why 😩— do they need to keep rehashing the filming location's origin story, and by rehashing, I mean lying about it and dragging Melissa and her fans through the mud when all we want to do is move the fuck on? I don't like that Gimple (savagely) threw Norman under the bus, and I don't like that Norman, whatever his intentions were, threw Melissa under the bus. Again, this is why we need to hear Melissa's thoughts on the show, specifically what Carol's (and Caryl's) journey will entail not just plot-wise, but emotionally. It's not fair to put all that responsibility on her to make everybody else look good, and I hope it won't come to that, but the people on that panel yesterday really weren't doing themselves or the show any favors. I was pretty unsettled by the number of times I heard the phrases "I wanted this" or "we wanted that." Has anyone ever taken the time to understand what their audience wants? Or has the show really just been a vanity project all along?

I was wary about Zabel pretty much from the start, but finally getting to hear him talk about Daryl cemented how poorly he understands who he is and more importantly what he means to fans. A man being torn between his former way of life and his new one is nothing groundbreaking. It's actually a pretty standard formula that can fit a lot of conventional heroes, but it does not work for Daryl Dixon. Daryl Dixon is not a conventional hero. Daryl Dixon is the most loyal character in TWD history, and it's been well established his loyalty is to his found family of over a decade--Rick, Michonne, Maggie, and especially Carol. We will never buy that Daryl could be torn between them and people he's only known for weeks/months. Someone who tries to force that should not be showrunning. Period. I am terrified to learn more about how Zabel views Carol because so far, it sounds like he doesn't think much of her at all. If he did, maybe he would've written something more substantial for her in the finale.

We'll see what happens on Sunday. Hopefully they'll release the S2 teaser. Hopefully it’ll provide more reassurance. Hopefully something will. At the moment it just doesn't seem like AMC is capitalizing on Melissa's return as much as they could, and they're definitely not capitalizing on Caryl yet. That being said, and I can’t stress this enough, I do trust Melissa’s judgment. If she chose to come back—and she did—it’s for good reason. The wait is going to be difficult, but next year we’ll have six full episodes of Carol trying to find her soulmate. Nobody is taking that away from us no matter how many times the men put their foot in their mouths.

#caryl #carol peletier #melissa mcbride #caryl spinoff #darylneedscarol #the book of carol

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inthestarsme · 2 years

Text

Astro Observations pt. 2

Disclaimer:

‼️Don't repost my Observations without consent and mentioning my page‼️

I very much respect non-binary or trans people. If i'm talking about man or woman, i'm talking about cis-men or woman i know, because often, due to societal coding/standards, there can be differences depending on the gender. But it could very much apply to you if you are non-binary or trans. Just take what resonates and leave what doesn't, as spiritual people like to say.🫶🏻

If you don't agree with my observations, please don't send any hate. It's personal observations that i'm posting just for fun. Especialy my very specific observations can only apply to certain people. So don't take anything you read too seriously. It's not a science, just pop-astrology!😎

So let's go!

Moon 3rd House: I have this placement and if i am going through something, i always need some close friend to talk to. And i feel like, if i had siblings i would probably always talk about it with them (if the relationship was great). I just really need to talk it out, sometimes it doesn't even matter who exactly it is. 🗯 I also am a singer, and this placement can indicate great singing abilities (not bragging lol), or just being great at expressing your emotions verbaly/ vocaly. You might also use singing as an emotional outlet (i did that when i was little and too shy to talk to people about the stuff i was going through). 🎤

Aries Moon: Aries Moon can have really big emotional outbursts and can be very direct and aggressive in communication without even noticing. They aren't necessarily always like this, the ones i've met were actualy very confident talkers and quite patient. But if they get too emotional or you say something that gets on their wrong nerve, they can have quite extreme reactions or be very mean, without meaning to. 🤬Also, some kind of sport might be a great emotional outlet for these people. 🥊

Saggitarius MC: I've heard this thing about Saggitarius MC being seen by the public as the "bad guy" which might not be true for everyone, but i've actualy noticed it in quite a few famous people. Billie Eilish has this placement for example, and one of her most famous songs is literaly called "bad guy". She is also known for this more dark and emo aesthetic/ music and is said to have created the new music genre "emo-pop". ☠️

Scorpio Venus: I personaly have this placement, and when i love i love DEEP, which can also lead to possesiveness and overjealousy. But i am very loyal, and just by my moral standards (my Venus is in my 9th house), i would never cheat on my partner.🖤

Scorpio Mercury: I also have this placement and i loved talking about deep stuff since i was little, and i also have no problem talking about taboo stuff. There is almost nothing that shocks me, and so sometimes i can also tend to overshare mine and others secrets, because i thinks that it's not that big of a deal, even though later on i realize it might actualy be. 🫢

Saturn in the 7th house: You might go through very messed up romantic relationship stuff at some point in your life that could very much traumatize you. It's a fucked up placement to be honest, i wouldn't wish it on anyone. (Cheating, compulsive liers, etc.). One famous example is Johnny Depp. 💔

Saturn 4th house: Your home life could be filled with fucked up experiences, especially in your family. It can go from just very stern parents to domestic abuse. You might need to free yourself from that and bild your own, secure home to have a happy and well regulated home life. 🏠

Jupiter 12th house: Could very much have a lot of secret enemies. People you considered friends might just suddenly cut contact or block you, for no apperant reason. But you could also, depending on what's going on subconciously with you, give off very weird vibes, which might be the reason people react to you like that. Some people just can't pinpoint why they don't like you and keep a friendship with you because they feel bad, and someday just cut off the relationship without explenation, because exept for the weird/bad vibe they get from you, they couldn't tell you why they don't like you. I'm not saying it's okay, but this might be the reason. People can really feel what's subconciously going on with you. So you really need to work on you subconcious stuff and listen to you intuition/ the universe, so you can tell which people are bad for you and which ones are not. Your strong intuition and connection to the universe is one good side of this placement, which can bring you a lot of great stuff if you tap into it. If you heal and give off very good vibes, you could maybe attract some amazing people and even heal people just with the vibe you give off. 🪬

Leo Sun men: I can't explain why, but every Leo sun men I've met has done some marshall art at some point in their life, and even quite successfuly. It doesn't matter if karate, jiujitsu, taekwondo or kickboxing, just something where it's about fighting. 🤼

That's it for today! I really enjoy writing these, so leave a like, comment or share/ repost this to show some love! Bye 🤟🏻

#astro observations #astrology #astroblr #astro community #leo sun #aries moon #saggitarius #scorpio venus #scorpio mercury #jupiter #12th house #3rd house

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golbrocklovely · 3 months

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guys i am genuinely angry at snc right now lol

i need to vent about this bc i feel like i'm the only one not on crazy pills while everyone else is enjoying their time sksksk

snc have a constantly moving chat on xplrclub now. it has caused MULTIPLE issues within the couple weeks it has been up. prime example being that snc had to make RULES, one being NOT TO SEXUALIZE THEM. yes. that happened, within the first 72 hours of the chat being a thing. they had to tell ppl "hey, maybe don't talk about our dicks in a public chat we can see."

and many other things have happened too. some of which i can't even mention on here. and ppl on xplrclub have been asking snc to get mods or do something to help fix things.

and boy oh boy did snc make a choice lol

they made a post asking for fans to apply to become VOLUNTEER MODS. they said that those that get chosen will get perks and merch and shit like that for being a mod.

the amount of annoyance i have rn is astronomical. i literally have a headache from being so annoyed sksks

first and foremost THEY NEED TO HIRE PPL. snc make WAY TOO MUCH MONEY to be asking for volunteers. that's just the reality of the situation. they own two mansions, but are asking for volunteers on an app they CHARGE FOR? you have to be kidding me with that one lol

not to mention, you're asking for ppl to volunteer their free time on an app they are paying for to "make sure it's safe for everyone". yall got me ABSOLUTELY FUCKED UP if you think i'm gonna lose money basically burning my free time away just to mod a chat full of ppl i have blocked on twitter. PAY ME BITCH. life is expensive. how about you volunteer eating this ass lmao

secondly, whoever they end up picking is gonna have a complex. that's inevitable. even if they choose exclusively grandmas that aren't in fandom drama AT ALL, those fans would think "obviously snc love me so much and i am one of their favorites", and that's the best case scenario. reality is they are gonna pick ppl that will BRAG on other platforms and then get big headed bc they will have a direct line to snc. and then on top of that, you are gonna cause fans to feel bad for not getting chosen, or think that snc don't love them. that ALONE should be enough for snc to know "hey maybe we shouldn't do this bc it's gonna cause favoritism in this fandom that already has a MIRADE OF ISSUES".

not only is all of this an issue, but then on top of that fans are asking for MULTIPLE CHATS to exist, one being an 18+ chat. and look, i don't like talking to minors either (even tho i know i have probably gotten asks from quite a few on here over the years). that being said, i ALSO know how to keep things age appropriate when talking to someone that's a kid compared to my big ass age. and that's what chat SHOULD be for. an 18+ chat will just become a gross spot for fans to sexualize snc, or say weird shit and think they can get away with it just bc it's 18+. yall should be able to talk to ppl underage without it getting weird. they only thing yall have in common is liking snc. stick to that topic and it shouldn't go south fast. or you know, DON'T ENGAGE WITH MINORS???? it's that simple too lol

yall know i love snc. but this is the dumbest, greediest, laziest "solution" to a problem they have ever created. i am genuinely so upset at them. not only that, but some of the ppl that have said they already applied to be a mod……………… this is gonna go south so fast it's not funny.

i mean literally one person that applied i have blocked on everything bc she's fucking weird and constantly sexualizes colby and basically begs for him to dick her down, and another one that applied is TRANSPHOBIC. make it make sense yall.

#personal #text #snc bs #no seriously tho i'm losing it lol

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twotangledsisters · 5 months

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You’re awesome for posting fic updates not only consistently, but daily! Any tips for keeping up with writing?

Thank you so much! I love updates and writing being a part of my routine and I'm glad other people enjoy it too!

And sure, I can think of some tips:

First, there's a mixture of inspiration and forcefulness. I remember when I was really little I read a post somewhere about how if you want to take something seriously, you have to take it seriously on the days when you're inspired and on the days you're not. That changed how I treat art forever!

But years and years later I learnt a more important lesson, to never overlook the power of inspiration.

It's through a mixture of both that I can really keep up with writing. If I only wrote when inspired, sooner or later I'd get a loooong writing block that would leave me simply paralysed. But I'll often do the 'just one chapter' method, and often writing just a few paragraphs will get me back into the flow. But if I'm still very blocked after a chapter, that's fine.

But if I am inspired, I will follow that. Even if it takes my story in weird directions that weren't planned! A good example is that Caine rescuing Cass in the final S1 fic wasn't planned, she wasn't planned to come along in S2 and certainly did not expect her to fall in love... A lot of their scenes came from me writing while inspired.

Now, stuff such as Eugene's near death in S1 finale, the way Koto framed him, the way Cass had to deal with accusations of witchcraft, those stuff were planned way ahead of time!

It's really important to keep that balance, to have plans and also leave room for inspiration to run wild!

An added bonus, if you feel an intense desire to go write a fic that's completely different to the one you're trying to work on, just let inspiration win. I was struggling a bit with the 'Day of Animals' arc in tangled sisters the other day, then I got the urge to do a little Cass oneshot, so I wrote the oneshot in one sitting and have had zero issues writing since.

Sometimes you can unblock writing block with MORE writing! As long as you're letting inspiration guide you.

Second is to take breaks! I update every day but I do not write every day. I write a few times a week and usually have at least one really long session!

One of my currently updating fics 'Always By Your Side' I wrote half of it in like a week, took a few months break, then wrote the rest and started publishing!

Sometimes long breaks can really help. I've taken several long breaks with Tangled Sisters.

Third is stay ahead. With 'Always By Your Side' I have it completely written so I just proof read on the day of upload. Tangled Sisters I keep track of in Notion:

Look how cute my fanfic section is!

I'm usually at least 30 chapters ahead but I did take a writing break recently. Soon as I get the next arc done I expect to be well ahead again.

Fourth, motivation! This one isn't entirely your control, but a huge factor for keeping up is just that I'm super motivated! I can thank the amazing people who comment every day, those who comment occasionally, those who leave kudos or send nice asks like this one!

It does sooo much to make me smile and excited for the stories I'm telling.

And if you look at my fanfic section of notion, I have that little box titled kind words, the content actually changed every time I reload the page, it's linked to a little table where I keep track of all the kind words regarding my fics that I've gotten on Ao3 and tumblr! (I also have several bits of fanart by the amazing @rebecagpfs in that page who I cannot thank enough!!!)

So, although you don't have full control over motivation, having a notebook to collect those kind words can help!

Fifth would be talk to people. Have at least one person who's cool with spoilers cause brainstorming is just easier with somebody else! For me @the-writer1988 has got me through sooo many writer's blocks! Often times I just ramble at her until the problem resolves itself, other times it'd be a more active back and forth. But writing friends supporting each other, always great!

And hey, to anybody who wants to ramble about their fics to me I'm always open! I love hearing about people's fics and am huge on the writer supporting writers sorta mentality!

Sixth is just have fun! If you enjoy what you're writing it's going to be sooo much easier than if you don't.

I do want to point out though, every writer's different! I can sit down and write 10k words in one sitting, but a lot of people can't, just like I need five hour to do a drawing many artists can do in an hour.

Writing is an art and you get faster with experience.

Also, I do daily updates because I adore consistency! Having that routine is amazing for me and I think it's lovely for some readers. But I also accomplish that via very short chapters! Sometimes as short as just 600-700 words. Many authors opt for longer chapters that upload weekly but there still writing the same amount!

So yeah, I do hope this helped!

Thank you so much for the ask :D And if anything didn't make sense, please tell me, it's almost 1am here I just noticed but I really wanted to answer this before bed!

#ask answered #writing tips #writing advice #writing tip #writing trick #write consistency #writing resource #writing resources

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saltynsassy31 · 6 months

Note

no cus i totally understand your frustration, ive also quit splatfests for the moment until they get an overhaul

i suggest if you feel close to getting hateful to either shiver or shiver fans then maybe quit for a while for your own sake cus ive felt a lot better after doing so, im still really sensitive to negative comments towards frye or rude ones about shiver winning but taking some time for myself has made me feel infinitely better

ive been close to hating shiver before bc of how cocky and rude them and their fans can be but it doesnt really do anything but sour your enjoyment of the game more, so its really not worth it

i do have to say though, anyone who says "its just a game" reaaally needs to understand the frustration of people OTHER than them, sympathy is something a lot of people forget about when it comes to things that arent real life. just because it doesnt affect you doesnt mean everyone can shut off their attachment to the game or a character like a light switch; a lot of the time you dont know whats going on with them. i myself am really attached to frye cus i am hashtag autism creature and he brings me comfort, so anyone being rude to me about shiver winning really REALLY gets under my skin. its not entirely (if they were serious, if they werent then its not at all) their fault, but nintendo fixing the frustration of splatfests constantly keeling in one direction (which theyre supposed to do anyways but they havent) would definitely fix the issue. we need to find a way to have nintendo fix this, not attack anyone else for what bundle of pixels and text theyre attached to.

not everyone has really thick skin and if we want splatoon 3 to be more hospitable then we should try to cut down on the general splatfest bullassery in public spaces (being overly cocky and rude/blaming others in a way with no basis or truth behind it). its not something everyone can always do since we arent all perfect, but if we make steps in that direction then we could help more people enjoy the splatoon community rather than being eaten up by toxicity and spite

i didnt word all of this entirely correctly so like interpret ad best as you can cus im eepy but yeah.

a fye for u to enjoy (also ur anon is off btw)

u dont have to but for the sake of not being harrassed id appreciate if u didnt tag with public tags

👏👏 PREACH

I don't want to quit playing it, I do enjoy splatfests, to a certain extent, i like going with my friends and i made a lot of new friends through it, it's like, the online community that I'm having a problem with

I don't hate shiver, I thought I did but I can't, she is still a comfort character (tho Frye is like, my obsession besides being my comfort character cuz I am also part part the 'tism XD), in a way, I like her dynamic with the group at least, she annoys me, yes, very much so, but I don't hate her

And I don't hate people who like her either

Who I do hate is people being mean about it, I had turned off anon cuz of a stupid person who was going around every frye support account anonymously just saying mean stuff and praising shiver as the best, I just forgot to turn it on, so thanks for reminding me 😅

Saying that "It's just a game" is so annoying to, tell that to the football fans, they go just as crazy if not more so

Splatfests are ment to be fun! You should be able to enjoy the splatfest without having to worry about people fighting

I don't like fighting with people, I hate how angry I become, how mean I can sound sometimes, I usually just vent without interacting

At least she won in Japan, so that is one other win under her belt, I just wish she'd win more in the future 😔

Oh also I almost didn't participate in this splatfest either and I did only because I haven't had time to play and I haven't finished my catalogue yet 😅 I usually use splatfests to up my catalogue quicker lmao

Also, don't worry, I won't tag anything that could get you harassed, if anything does happen, please block for your health, I don't want anything happening to you, you seem very sweet ;w;

Edit: also YOUR FRYE PLUSH IS SO CUTE! I've been seeing people get her but idk where to buy her!!!! Where'd you get it? :0

#salty rants #salty answers #ask #ask box open

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imaginaenespanol · 1 year

Text

"Tall and Free: The Encounter with V" -V for Vendetta x Tall!Reader (ENG)

Anonymous Asked: Hello! I'm new to this and well I wanted to ask if you could do v (the one from V for Vendetta) in which v meets a very tall reader (you know those super tall people, well that) by the way if you don't want to do this, it's well, I understand!

Answer: Hi! Of course I can do it! Sorry for the wait, it's my first time doing this character and I'm quite excited to write it. I hope you liked it!

Number of words: 1918

Warnings: Violence, Self-image problems, strong words, indirect mention of dictatorship.

Versión en español: Aquí

In this world, it is already difficult to be able to live minimally autonomous, after the fearsome dictator Sutler. According to my parents, before everything was better, that at least we could breathe calmly, well, although it sounds naive, I believe that one day we can reach the freedom that my parents have related to me so much, but there is something that torments me every day more than total control, it is my height, I measure 192 cm (6 ft) hey! It's also not as terrible as certain silly movies would have you believe, it benefits me a lot when I have to intimidate someone for my own safety, of course as long as they don't carry a firearm, but... little things that I can't enjoy as I should make me feel like a Phenomenon, like buying a sweater and getting too small in the arms, or always hitting the doors of subway stations when entering or leaving, seriously, who designed those things? A hobbit? I already have a Bump on my head as a badge...

Although sometimes my own thoughts can betray many times in my work and people can be scared, there was a certain occasion that I met the epitome of revolution and certainly an anarchist Knight.

I was Walking at night, I had to stay in the Office for overtime and I lost track of time filling out forms in Excel, the curfew is already starting and I didn't want something bad to happen to me “Geez, the subway has already closed, I hope not I ran into someone, I don't want to get into trouble" I said to myself trying to warn myself and activate my senses through the dark streets of London. After walking safely in my 3 block, in the distance I saw a figure, she looked somewhat nervous from the movement she made with her feet, but could it be them? My stomach knotted with nerves.

Stealthily, I walked slowly while taking advantage of the fact that that figure looked distracted, with each step more and more of that person was revealed in the dark, but my heartbeat and breathing accelerated. Biting my lips and sending a slight pain to my brain, it prevented me from getting out of my mind, I was almost there...False alarm, she was a prostitute, did she look young? What is she doing there?, so I decided to approach her. "Girl, what are you doing here? It's not dangerous? What's your name?" Try to be as nice as possible, my height can be intimidating at night. The girl looked at me with a start and instinctively backed away, I gestured for her to calm down, I won't hurt her "I-I'm Every and this is... M-My first night, I thought..." "It's dangerous, you can run into the Fingermans'' I interrupted "I know everyone doesn't have the economic opportunities, but, you don't have to do this to yourself girl, don't ruin your life, look, I-" I couldn't continue with the conversation because a group of men He approached in the distance making noise, a lot of noise, uh oh, he knew those guys were the secret police, the 'Fingermen'. 4 months ago they took the Head of Marketing to 'Prison' to put it mildly, for having prohibited reading in his drawer and subliminal messages against the Sutler Government in the next advertising campaign for clothing, low blow.

I quickly gestured for Every to run away in the opposite direction when I told him to, and I did!, just as one of that group tripped and the others made fun of him. Taking advantage of my height I turned her back covering her, so they wouldn't see her running from her perspective and away from her, she hesitated for a moment "W-what's your name?" He asked me whispering "My name is (Y/N) (Y/L), get out of here!" I don't know what facial gesture I showed her, because I saw her running while I paid attention to those subjects again, they were a few meters from me and certainly they already saw me, the darkness did not save me from this unfortunately...

"Hey Big Girl, what are you doing at this time of night?" Said one with a mocking smile, I didn't answer him and backed away "Don't you know that the curfew has already started? It's illegal for you to be here doll" Said another while the rest laughed. I put my hardest face into my fear and told them "Look, , I'm not doing anything wrong, I just left work late and I want to get home in peace, okay?" Other taunts towards me "And who said you would go home?" One held my hand, he must have gotten closer when he was talking to the other two, Shit….

I struggled for a few moments while the 4th man pulled out a gun and his grip tightened making my wrist hurt quite a bit, but that was nothing with the feeling of the cold metal on my temple…I pointed the gun at my head “Listen, you giant bitch, We are the secret police, here we are the law and if you don't listen to us, well, you're going to a very bad place.” At that time I wasn't thinking correctly, trying to run away and take advantage of my height certainly didn't help but I did anyway. try, what did I get in return? blows to the stomach.

They were about to use the gun on me when suddenly one of the men fainted. A blow had left him fuit was combat, but I couldn't make out where it came from. Before he could process what was happening, the other three men began pointing in the direction the attack had come from.

Suddenly, I heard a voice behind me. "Do you need help?" the voice said. I turned around quickly and saw a tall man, dressed in a cape and hat, a white mask with a haunting smile covering his face. Is it possible that he is…? I have heard rumors in my office that there was a dangerous masked terrorist wreaking havoc at night.

Despite his reputation, I couldn't help but feel relieved to see him, he was better than the Fingermans so I nodded. The masked man helped me up, and with a swift movement, he disposed of the remaining three men with amazing martial skills.

"Come with me, I'll take you to a safe place," he told me in a confident voice, and without hesitation, I followed him through the dark streets of the city, trying to process what had just happened.

“Uhh, ehh, thanks…” I shyly said, trying to break the tension. That man simply nodded and continued walking in silence. I felt awkward for a moment, but after a few seconds, I decided to ask him something. "By the way, my name is (Y/N) (Y/L) Who are you?" I asked curiously.

The Mystery Man stopped for a moment and turned to me. "I'm V," he said in a deep, melodic voice and with a certain extravagant gesture. "The Masked Avenger, the one who rises up against oppression and tyranny."

My heart pounded in my chest as I processed what he had just told me, the office rumors were true! I can say that he is more friendly and intimidating than he was described to me, but I never thought I would meet him in person. "Why did you help me?" I asked cautiously.

V stepped closer to me, his white mask haunting in the moonlight. "Because no one deserves to be wrongfully beaten and detained," he said. "I am fighting for the freedom and justice of this Country, and I cannot allow the tyranny of Sutler and his minions to continue harming innocent people."

I stared at him, trying to process what he was saying. There was something in his voice and in his eyes that made me feel safe and protected, despite how strange and dangerous it all was. "Thank you," I said again, but now, feeling a surge of gratitude and admiration for this mysterious man.

"Uh, I should go to..." I tried to tell him but V quickly stopped me "I wouldn't recommend that, miss" I looked at him confused "Why not? It's all over" I commented, thinking that there would be nothing wrong but he denied "If she goes home, it's a matter of time before they stop her, they won't stop until they find her" V said harshly, but without an iota of lies in his voice, it is true, they will not rest until they find me and make me pay for the shame that I cause them, I had no choice but to go with him

After going further than that place, V and I continued on our way to who knows where, according to him, towards his home. Along the way, I told V a few stories about how my height had caused me some inconvenience in my daily life, like not being able to find clothes that fit me or constantly having to bend down in places with low ceilings or sticking out in the cubicle. my office, all with a tone of certain bitterness on my part, which did not go unnoticed by the Man.

While we were talking, V looked at me with a mixture of curiosity and admiration, we were almost the same height and it's something I've gotten used to but I didn't see it favorably, but that man felt that he saw something exotic and attractive, which he didn't see. in myself.

"Your height is impressive, (Y/N). It's one of the things that makes you unique and special," V said with a kind tone, feeling her smile behind the mask "You shouldn't see her as a handicap, but as an advantage. You have a unique perspective on the world, and that's something few people have." I sigh, I get teased about it from school “Yeah, but…they make fun of that too Unique perspective? of course, since I'm tall…” I said with a listless voice and he stopped short, took me by the shoulders and gave me an understanding look "I understand that you feel that way. But the truth is that people will always find something to make fun of or criticize. That doesn't mean you should let their opinions get to you. You own your life and your decisions, and that includes how you feel about yourself. If you accept and love yourself just the way you are, nothing you say or do to others can hurt you. I was speechless, then he gave me a comforting hand "Don't worry, (Y/N). I'll be here to support you and help you in everything you need. You will always be special and unique, no matter what others say" .

I felt a little more encouraged by his words and we continued walking, after a while, I decided to ask him why he thought that. "Well, think of it like this," V said, stopping for a moment.

nto to look me in the eye. "When you walk down the street, don't you see things that others don't? Can't you reach things that others can't? That gives you an advantage, an ability that others don't have."

I was surprised by her perspective, and began to see my height in a different way. "I've never thought of it that way," I said with a smile. "Thank you V."

"You don't have to thank me," V replied with a smile. "I'm just telling the truth. You're beautiful and strong, and your height is just one of the many things that make you special. Don't let anyone make you feel less for it."

I felt grateful for his words, and together we continued on our way to his home. Despite the darkness and danger that surrounded us, I felt safe by his side. And in that moment, I knew that I had found someone I could trust and who would always be there to protect me.

#imagina en español #x reader #reader insert #one shot #v for vendetta x reader #v for vendetta #request #fanfiction

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creativepromptsforwriting · 1 year

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Hii! I really love your blog and I was hoping you could help me with something.

I'm writing a novel, and in it character A and character B are basically on the run, being chased by someone dangerous, an assassin, etc. It's a drama/thriller with family themes.

At some point in the story there's a sort of standoff /fight and character B ends up killing the person who was after them. They (A & B) go back to B's hometown and this is where I get stuck. The subplot is that B is looking for her mother, and when they come back B realizes that her mother is actually in the same town a few blocks away. B talks with her mom and it doesn't end well, and A comforts B (their dynamic is found family since A acts as a sort of mother-figure to B throughout the story- B is a young adult)

Now, I know that at the end of the book B's mom's house ends up burning down and her mom comes to live with her at B's house. I don't know how to write this part because I feel like it's so random, and like I need a sort of reason for the house fire to happen, like, in my first outline I had the character that was chasing after A & B find them there and for the fight to happen at B's mom's house and ends up burning down, but because I changed that to B killing that person earlier in the book I'm just stuck. I'm trying to figure out if I should start over completely or just change things again, I just don't know where to begin with solving this problem. Also, it doesn't really have to be a fire, but I need a valid reason for B's mom to come live with her because book 2 focuses more on their relationship.

I know this is long but I could really, really use your opinion/ help. Thanks!

Hi there :)

My first question would be: why did you change the timing of killing the villain? Because I fear that if not done well, it can feel like this is the final fight and should go at the end of the story. And because you orginally intended like that it could very well become so that the reader is excited for the big fight and than it comes too early and cuts the story basically in half and the reader loses some interest in the rest of the story.

So it is really important to think about this structure and to make it clear what the main plot point of the story would be. It has to be something that carries on for the whole story or it needs a very good reason to change directions. Either way the middle of the story would not be the best timing to change directions.

With the living arrangements for book two, you could also go the route of the mother being in danger. When Character B is important enough to being followed by an assassin than maybe there is still someone out there that wouldn't hesitate to hurt her mother in order to hurt her or to get her to surrender. She would be safer if she lived with Character B. That could also be one of the reasons why she tried to find her mother. To keep her safe.

I hope I was able to give you some ideas for the direction you want to go in. Good luck with your story!

- Jana

#anon ask #ask #creativepromptsforwritingask #creativepromptsforwriting #writing help #writing advice #story advice

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neopentane5 · 2 months

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Okay, I know most people don't care about this, but I'm still going to say something.

This is a direct conflict between dave and me, which has nothing to do with my ship. I don't know why dave and you want to put personal problems into the ship tag.

First of all, you have violated my privacy by taking the screenshot of the chat record.

Second, you're an adult, and you think I'm insulting you by sharing nsfw just to have fun with people who share the same interests?

You think you're good and I'm evil? I am now telling everyone that dave removed me from the discord server so that she could find a screenshot of my chat history out of context to attack me, and I can't do anything to fight back.

I used to say these things to you because I trusted you, and you used them as a knife to stab me.

Would any normal person not be offended by the betrayal of his once best friend?

I was really tired, I was just doing what I loved the whole time, I swear to God I didn't do anything wrong to anyone, I was the one being harassed and gaslighted, and now I'm being attacked.

And I don't have the slightest right to be angry and fight back, do I? I'm really too tired to argue with any of you, and if you choose to believe her and think I'm a heinous bad person, then go ahead and just block me.

I repeat,

1. I'm just doing what I love and I'm forgetful.

2. No one wants to watch arguments. Everyone goes online to have fun.

3. I didn't take a screenshot because dave removed me from the server and prevented me from defending myself.

4. Everyone is standing on their own point of view to accuse each other, I am a good person or a bad person, at least you need to identify yourself, not from other people's mouth to know me. If you think that you have no ability to think, and what others say is what it is, then I can't help it. Your best option is block me.

#call of duty #call of duty mw3 #makayuri #cod yuri #vladimir makarov

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theunbearableweightofpedropascal · 1 year

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Revenge, a dish best served cold Pt. 2

Warnings: minor errors, smut 18+, dry humping, fluff, angst

A/N: As requested by the vast majority (1 person) I aim to please. Sorry this took so long I had writer's block, but I'm back. I could be persuaded to write a couple more snippets for this.

Summary: Snippets of the progression of you and Benny's relationship.

Word Count: 3.2k

In the past month you had been dealing with the fallout of two broken relationships. Surprisingly Kevin was the one to give you the least amount of trouble. Though in the beginning he begged for you back saying you two were even now. Vanessa was the absolute worst, she ran crying to mom and dad omitting all of her wrongdoings in the process.

Luckily after calling to find out what was going on, they saw the full picture. Your dad thought the two of you were old enough to work it out yourselves. Your mom thought you guys needed a push in the “right” direction. She just couldn’t stand watching the two of you like this.

She may mean well but it didn’t stop you from pulling away from her because she just wants peace. She asked to meet up with you for lunch at their house you accepted, thinking she wanted to apologize. Instead you’re met with the last bitch you wanted to see, Vanessa.

“Look both of you have done some unsavory things in the past few weeks so why don’t you both apologize to each other.” Your mother looked at you and Vanessa full of hope.

“I don’t see what I did wrong and I refuse to apologize to her. I also don’t appreciate being called here under false pretenses because you want to play peacekeeper.” You refuse to sweep this under the rug and make your mom understand that.

“She's right. Vanessa, what you did to your sister is absolutely disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourself. You wouldn’t be in this position if you didn't sleep with your sister’s boyfriend.” Your dad spoke up on your behalf, not appreciating the mediating role your mother has taken on.

“Two wrongs don’t make a right, isn’t that what you taught us?” Vanessa flounders for a viable defense.

“If that’s your defense you might wanna sharpen up if your plan is to be a lawyer's wife or his mistress.” You’ll spare no feelings when it comes to her, not anymore.

“You know you were never gonna be Kevin’s wife, I mean you work in a fucking book store for God sake. He was embarrassed when he told people what you did for a living.” Vanessa hit below the belt yet again this time though you won’t back down. Your parents look on in shock at how quickly this turned sour, your mother wanting to intervene but your dad stops her.

“Fuck you and him for thinking that doing something I enjoy is embarrassing. I don’t want to work in the corporate world or become a doctor. I'm happy just working in a bookstore. Unlike you I am happy with myself and I don’t need to sleep with other people’s boyfriends to prove how desirable I am.” At this point the both of you are standing with your hands on your parents dining table, facing each other.

“You’re just jealous and you know it, I’m going to get to be everything you want. You’ll just be stuck with Benny who couldn’t commit even if his life depended on it.” Vanessa doubles down on her stance.

“You can have Kevin, I promise you you’ve just left a vacancy for his next side chick though.” You decide to go for her jugular. “Are you sure Benny didn’t want to commit or did he just not want to commit to you? It seems I’m not having that problem.” You lie through your teeth implying you and Benny

You see the tears well up in her eyes at the implication that you and Benny are together, it may be a lie but she still deserves it.

“Alright girls I think that calls for an intermission, Vanessa why don’t you go to the store-” Your dad's sentence being interrupted by you.

“That’s ok I’ll leave, Benny’s expecting me soon for dinner.” You add in to torment Vanessa.

On your way out you hear your sister crying and yelling why she was the one asked to leave, you can’t help the smile that grows on your face. Benny’s gonna get a kick out of this when you facetime him.

……….

At first it was really emotional having to navigate all of this, despite your revenge plot you still had to go through the grieving process. Twice. Benny proved himself to be exactly what you needed. He would let you cry while he held you close to his chest, he’d watch love island with you just so you had company, and he would take you out on dates. You didn’t call them that even if it was obvious that’s what they were.

Currently you lay back on him while he watches a football game and you read. His hand has inched its way up your thigh slowly throughout the game. Add in that he’s already had a couple beers and you know he’s gonna get frisky sometime soon. You find a stopping place and put your book down to ask him a question.

“What team are we pulling for again Ben?” You turn your head to look at him, awaiting his answer.

“Dallas Cowboys baby.” He reminds you without taking his eyes off the 72 inch flatscreen. Not knowing much about football you just give a nod and go back to reading. You get very into the pages as the main characters are finally about to have sex. Reading the descriptive words has your legs rubbing together subconsciously, you’re so caught up in your book you don’t even realize the game went to commercial. Or that Benny has been reading the sex scene with you.

Benny loves reading the filthy eroctica you buy off amazon, not only does it give him ideas he gets to spend more time with you. But with the way your legs are rubbing together he just can’t help himself. He feels you up by rubbing the inside of your thighs until he reaches your apex.

He notes the speed of your breath increasing into quiet pants. Wanting to kick it up a notch he cups your pussy from behind causing you to slam the book against your chest and whine for him to stop teasing. Benny smirks at how easily responsive you are to him, basking in the way it feeds his ego.

Although he isn’t done teasing you he wants to give you some relief by taking his hand and slipping it under your lounge shorts. He takes two fingers and rubs your pussy above your panties. The small wet spot that was already there quickly grows with how good his hand feels rubbing back and forth on your clothed clit. But the pace stays the same, it feels so good but you need more. You face your book down on the cushion next to you, steadying your hands to rock into his hand. You throw your head back and let out your moans unabashed, loving the way your underwear and his hands feel together. The football game is long forgotten.

Benny studies the way your mouth opens focusing on how he loves the curve of your lips. He studies the scrunch in your nose that becomes more prominent the closer you get to orgasming. He studies the way your back arches away from him and into his hands, using him to get off. He studies your pert nipples peeking out from one of his old shirts. Benny realizes in this moment, as odd or perverted as it may seem, he loves you. Like he is full on in love with you.

You find yourself getting closer and closer to your peak and your breathing reflects that. But the rug is pulled out from under you when Benny takes his hand back. You’re on the verge of crying from the loss until you feel him dip into your underwear. His rough fingers circling your clit directly have your eyes rolling into the back of your head. You feel his soft lips pecking your shoulder while moving further up.

Benny knows you're close by how your pants become even more frantic. Your eyebrows knit together as the tension in your body starts coiling up like a spring waiting to be released. It explodes and Benny loves watching the way that relief floods your face. Your face is the epitome of bliss, the tension rolls off your body and you slump against Benny. He notices you are about to fall asleep and he reaches over to grab a blanket for you. He marks your book and sets it on the side table before returning to his game.

………

“Baby we’ve been sitting here for 5 minutes.” Benny gently lets the implication hang in the air. You on the other hand were about to run out of the car just to avoid going inside the bar. The bar that held Benny's closest friends and his brother. All of whom wanted to meet the girl that took Benny “ladies man” Miller off the market. You.

It’s not that you don’t want to be with Benny, it’s the fear of being vulnerable again only to be left heartbroken. Meeting his friends is a serious step, one that reminds you this isn’t…

Benny’s hand reaches for your chin to turn your face to his. “Talk to me. Tell me what that pretty little head is overthinking now. Is it your purse because I don’t think they’ll notice it’s fake.”

You crack a smile despite your best efforts, “Nothing really, just that I’m nervous because this is getting serious and I know that what happened won't be repeated but like the fear is still there. Y’know?”

The way he gazes in your eyes you can see he understands how you feel. “Yeah I know it’s like the memory haunts you even though you know you’re safe. But you know I wouldn’t do that, especially not to someone I love.”

Something in the air feels like it’s frozen, no noises, no people, just you and Benny lost in each other’s eyes. He said it so casually you think he doesn’t even realize what he just revealed. You can’t even tell him you love him too before you rush him. In your haste you wrap your arms around his neck and pull him into a messy kiss. Nevermind the fact that you were probably getting lipstick all over his mouth.

You nip at Benny’s lip causing him to let out the prettiest moan. Taking that opportunity you let your tongue slide into his mouth, licking all over his. He doesn’t take long to catch up either. His big, veiny hands clasp around your waist pulling you into his lap. You take the opportunity and start rocking back and forth like you were riding him. Your clit was aching from how your denim shorts and panties rubbed against it. You moaned into his mouth while picking up the pace.

The both of you lost in each other like you were in a bubble. But that bubble popped. A loud knock on the window feels like cold water being poured over you. You turn to see one of the men that frequented Benny’s instagram, the curly salt and peppered hair cluing you in that it’s Santiago. His cackle carried through the car window, causing Benny to look up at you with a lazy grin.

You immediately peel off of Benny to check your makeup before you get out, unwilling to embarrass yourself further. You turn to Benny assessing how much lipstick you got on him but he’s already wiping it off with a makeup wipe. Stunned you asked him when he got those, and he tells you around the time you guys first started fucking in his car.

As you both get out Santiago is still laughing but you go to introduce yourself. Before you can he fixes you with a knowing look, “Benny already told us all about you honey, never a picture though,” he turns to Benny with a look before coming back to you with an arm around your shoulder. “I’m Santiago but you can call me Santi, Pope, or Papi whichever feels natural.”

“You really gonna try to steal my girlfriend from me after you just caught us dry-humping?” Benny jokingly put him in a headlock before you all head inside.

The inside of the bar was warm, not just in temperature but in feeling too. When you reach the table you’re met with two more men and it’s obvious who. Will is the easiest to decipher and Frankie right next to him with that same oil hat. Benny introduces you to the group despite him already telling them everything possible about you. And vice versa. You go to sit down and Benny pulls your chair out for you causing your face to heat up.

The guys notice and chime in with a chorus of “Awww''. You notice everyone has a drink and Benny is quick to ask what you want. He gets up to go to the bar and you almost go with him but he pins you with a look. You look up at the three men before you and smile awkwardly, though it may just look like you’re baring your teeth.

You’re curious to know what Benny told them about how you guys met so you lead with that. “So what did Benny tell you about how we met?”

“Honestly not much he did say you were his ex’s little sister, but he didn’t say which one.” Frankie looks to see if you’ll give him a hint. You don’t, but Will won’t let you off the hook that easy.

“You know you look an awful lot like Nessa from his high school days, they were on and off constantly.” Will observes.

“Unfortunately that is my sister but we aren’t speaking right now.” You worry that you may have over shared but it’ll all come out eventually so you tell them the full story. “6 months ago I was dating this guy, Kevin, and I had got off of work thinking I’d surprise him with dinner because he’s a law student.” You take a breath before continuing. “I pulled up to his house and Vanessa’s car was in his driveway. I didn't want to believe it but it was true. I was so upset and I wanted to make them feel how I felt, so I got drunk and DM’d Benny to see if he’d want to um have revenge sex with me.”

“Damn.” Santi was the only one who spoke, Frankie and Will both looked at you with slightly widened eyes. Benny didn’t tell them all that.

“Yeah when they caught us fucking on the couch Ness- Vanessa and Kevin were so upset they claimed I took it too far and left crying. Your brother hasn’t left me alone since.” You look at Will specifically.

Santi's face holds the expression of a proud father, Will and Frankie have faint smiles that they hide behind their beer. Benny finally makes his way back with your drink and his beer. Before he can fully sit down Santiago tells him, “I like her.”

“She told you about the revenge sex thing didn’t she?” Benny smirks since he already knows the answer. The guys nod while you sip on your drink.

“What do you do?” Frankie awkwardly asks.

“Like a job or hobbies?” Although you ask, you decide to answer for both. “For hobbies I really like reading and writing that’s why I got a job at a bookstore. I unofficially get free rein on all new selections, as long as I finish them before customers buy them all.” You end your ramble excitedly.

“Really? I like reading too. What's your favorite genre?” Will butts in curious about your shared interest.

“Oh uh romance mostly but I do enjoy a good mystery, thriller, or sci-fi. I actually just got done with one called Taken to Voraxia it actually has all 4. What about you?” You ask him.

“I mostly read non-fiction but I can’t say no to a good sci-fi book myself.” Will answers while scratching the back of his neck.

“We just got a shipment of a new sci-fi series and the author is coming to read a chapter next week, you should stop by.” You offer. Will smiles and tells you he’ll check it out.

As the drinks keep flowing you become more and more comfortable around the guys and join in on their banter. You know you’ve made an impression when you get Frankie to spit out his drink from laughing. You look over at Benny to find him already staring at you, there was something familiar about that expression. He’d been looking at you like that for a month and after the confession in the car you register that it’s love.

………..

The bell on the coffee shop door chimes and you look up to see Benny, he makes a beeline to where you are sitting. It’s the same table you sat at when you first met. Before you can even fully get up he wraps you in a bear hug telling you he missed you. It had been a few weeks since you’d seen him and you needed to talk to him.

You’d already ordered his coffee and motioned for him to sit down. “I wanted to talk about something you said when I met the guys a few weeks ago.”

Benny looks at you with knitted eyebrows, “I’m gonna need you to specify sweet pea.”

“You said you love me or more specifically you said ‘I wouldn’t do that to someone I love’. Are you like in love with me or did you mean you care for me?” You twiddle with your fingers as you ask the question.

Benny takes both your hands before telling you, “I meant I’m in love with you. I know you may not feel the same and it may take some time bu-”

“I think I’m in love with you too.” You blurt, not wanting him to think he had to convince you. “I just wasn’t sure how to bring it up because we’ve been in this limbo for a while. We do couple things but I was scared to actually ask, and be vulnerable like that again. I think I’m ready though and only because it’s you.” Even you want to cringe from how cheesy that sounded, but it was the truth.

Benny wastes no time grabbing the pack of your neck to kiss you. He immediately moves his mouth with yours while playing with your hair. He goes to slip his tongue in but you push him away breathlessly. Your lips are puffy and your eyes glazed over with want for him.

“Benny! We’re in public, there’s like kids here.” You chastise him quietly even though he smirks at you like he’d do it again.

“So?” He questions as if seeing nothing wrong with tongue-fucking you in public. “Just to be clear we are dating now, exclusively.” He tells you.

Even though this started as a means to piss off your sister and ex, Benny truly is everything you want and more. He’s attentive, giving, and patient. He helped you through a breakup and a familial betrayal, he didn’t have to. After all, he could have dipped out once it was all said and done. Although unconventional, the build up to your relationship was perfect. He saw all the raw parts of you and still wanted more.

“When do I meet the family?” Benny asks causing you to snort coffee out of your nose. Of course he helps you clean it up, but not without laughing at your misfortune.

It doesn’t matter anymore to you but you got what Vanessa will never have, Benny’s devotion.

#benny miller x female reader #benny miller x reader #triple frontier smut #triple frontier fic #benny miller

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