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souliebird · 4 months

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[[and then I met you || ch. 12||

Series: Daredevil || Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader || Rating: Explicit

Summary:

A one-night stand years ago gave you a daughter and you are now able to put a name to her father – Matthew Murdock. Everything is about to change again as you navigate trying to integrate your life with that of the handsome and charming blind lawyer’s and Matt realizes he needs to not only protect his new family from Hell's Kitchen, but from the world.

pt: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11

Words: 5k

banner thanks to the wonderful @theradioactivespidergwen

Even in the middle of the night, the heat of summer in Hell's Kitchen is oppressive. It doesn't help that there is a storm rolling in and it is so humid Matt feels like he's breathing in water. Sweat is pouring off of him and he's glad he opted out of wearing his red armor - he has the feeling he would have overheated within an hour.

The only good thing about it pushing eighty degrees at two am is that only people that have to be out are out. Even though it is Saturday night/ Sunday morning, the streets are empty and Matt has only encountered people on their way back home. He hasn't even needed to scare off any muggers or stop any break ins. In fact, all he has really done all night is track people to make sure they got to their destinations safely.

There was a small surge of people around midnight coming off the trains and they had been rowdy, but hadn't caused any problems. Matt quickly worked out they were part of the protesters who have been crowding outside the courthouse for the past few days and deemed they were not a threat to his beloved city.

He's spoken to a few of them while at the courthouse and he fully supports their cause and their right to protest. Admittedly, Matt is not one to stay on top of current events, but he thinks it is suspicious that the government will not reveal what caused the massive explosion in Connecticut. It's been weeks but instead of answers, it feels like everything about the incident is being shoved under the rug and Matt knows if it was closer to home, Karen would be chomping at the bit to investigate.

Over six hundred people lost their lives and no one is being brought to justice for it. They are saying it was an attack, but no one is claiming ownership or being blamed for the destruction. It makes him angry, and though this isn't his fight, he'll do his part protecting the voices in his community who demand the truth.

Tonight, it seems like his community is safe and Matt will be able to get more than two hours of sleep before he needs to go to Mass. He needs to do a final pass around the neighborhood before he turns in for the night, so he pushes himself up from where he has been crouching like a gargoyle and stretches his limbs. His knees pop and his back screams at him and he decides that despite the heat, he will take a scorching shower to soothe his muscles. He may not have gotten into any big fights the past few nights, but that doesn't matter to his body - it's always aching and throbbing in one way or another.

He pulls his mask down over his face, hating how it instantly makes his forehead sticky and wet, and starts his loop.

He starts at the top of 10th and weaves across and down until he passes Foggy and Marci’s apartment. He pauses across the street and crouches down as he tunes his ears to their bedroom. They are both in a deep sleep and there is no threat he can detect, but still he stays for a minute just to be sure. Daredevil may have complicated his best friend's life, but Foggy has never had trouble making his own enemies. He may not be a vigilante, but his sense of justice is just as strong as Matt's and that has caused people to come at him violently. Someone breaking in is not out of the question.

Marci has her own enemies but if anyone ever tries to come after her, well, Matt will pray for their soul because not even he is that self-destructive. She once made a joke about becoming a crime lord and he still has the occasional nightmare over it.

Matt scans the surrounding buildings for any problems once more before he starts off towards Karen's place. She was still awake when he last passed her building and the odds of her still being up are pretty even. He wouldn't be surprised to find her typing away at some article - stirring up the pot as always. He loves her for that personality trait, even if it mentally puts him through the ringer with worry over her - he supposes it is nothing compared to what he does to her.

But luckily, for the collective sanity of Nelson, Murdock, and Page, more people care about Karen's well-being than care about Matt's.

He knows she has Jessica's number on speed dial - letting them meet is one of his greatest regrets in life. He is well aware of the cameras set up by Frank's computer friend and while the Marine is out of town, he's left her with another layer of protection - his dog Max.

Not that Karen can't take care of herself.

If she and Marci teamed up to take over Manhattan, Matt doesn't know if he could stop them.

Maybe he'll tell her that for her birthday - it will make a better gift than anything he'd be able to think of.

Matt lands on the roof of Karen's building, relieved to find she has gone to sleep since he last checked on her. She must have let the dog get in bed with her, because it's snoring is making it hard for him to tune into her without concentration. She's safe and seemingly happy, so he lingers only a moment before resuming the last dredges of his patrol.

He heads down to the docks next. There are people there, but they are meant to be - prepping for the fish markets and early morning cargo ships. These are good, hard working men who don't dabble in things that would make the Devil hunt them. In fact, he's got a good contact in one of the fish mongers, who will let him know if there's been anything suspicious in the wee hours of the morning. He doesn't need to check in now, as there have been no whispers as of late, and he disappears back into the shadows of the city to head towards Clinton Church.

Matt's stomach turns as he gets closer to where he grew up. His feelings about the location and the people there have been a ridiculous rollercoaster since he found out he was a father.

He deeply misses Father Lantom. Despite what everyone has told him, he firmly blames himself for the man's death and does not understand why God made that choice. It hurts that he isn't here and Matt can barely bring himself to go into the church - he's only started to re-attend Mass since learning about Minnie to seek guidance from God about this new path. He'd give anything to be able to speak to the man who mentored him in life - to hear what he would say about Matt having a daughter.

It isn't that Matt dislikes the new priest - he just doesn't like him. He's resistant to change and it should be Father Lantom giving Communion and taking his Confession.

It should be Father Lantom who Baptizes Minnie, not this man Matt has never even spoken with.

Maggie is trying to get Matt to interact with the man, but his relationship with her is going through a rocky patch and he hasn't actually spoken with her in about two weeks. She hasn't done anything wrong - he is just having an internal crisis over how learning he is a parent changed him and his abandonment issues. He's spent a lot of time in reflection and understands why she left him and his father, but he now has a renewed anger at her for not telling him the truth sooner.

Did she not love him like he loves Minnie? Was it something he did wrong?

Will she love Minnie like she loved Matt? He trusts her to care for his daughter, but will she love her granddaughter the way she deserves to be loved?

Everything is made more complicated over how guilty he is over having these feelings and so, instead of talking to his mother, he's been avoiding her. He knows he needs to eventually address it, but for the moment Maggie is none the wiser about his mini-me.

He'll tell her after he tells you about her.

It is something he needs to do still - it just hasn't come up yet. Most of your conversations center around Minnie and you are still getting to know each other. You've shared few stories about your childhood - mostly about school - and Matt isn't so sure how your anxiety will handle Maggie. His mother is a good person, but she is a lot and he knows you have your own parent issues.

Like at the docks, there are people active at the Church. A few homeless patrons are seeking shelter before the rain and there is a nun tending to their needs. The kids are safely tucked into bed, and while it sounds like a few are having nightmares, there is nothing he can do for them at the moment.

If they wake and cry out, he prays their calls are answered.

Matt practically flees the sacred grounds and his anxiety only settles once he crosses into Chelsea.

As he runs, he hones his senses to the apartment building you live in. It is easy for him to lock onto - he's already spent countless hours perched on the boundaries of the two neighborhoods listening to you and Minnie sleep. He knows it is creepy, but he cannot help himself.

Minnie’s laugh is his new favorite sound, and not far behind it is your heartbeat. Much like his daughter, he's found himself focusing on it when things get too much and it is the perfect way to end patrols - winding down while you and Mouse dream.

You mumble in your sleep and it is the most endearing thing he's ever encountered. He likes to respond to your strange statements, imagining he's right there in bed with you. There has been a recurring theme of parrots and he is thinking that the bird exhibit will be off limits during Minnie’s birthday trip to the zoo, based on what he's heard.

But it isn't you mumbling in your apartment tonight - it's Minnie.

His daughter is awake and has moved from the bedroom to the living room. The television is on - playing what he thinks is Sesame Street - and she seems to be fussing with a toy. Context clues tell him she's playing with a doll or stuffed animal - dress up is one of her favorite games and he knows it is one of her Quiet Games.

“Nexts,” she says sweetly to her toy, “we gotta do your make ups.”

Matt decides to wait until he's landed on the roof before he makes her aware of his presence. He kneels and takes a moment to center himself, taking a deep breath to do so. He focuses on calming the Devil in his chest - this is the first time he's caught Minnie awake in the middle of the night and he needs to address it as Matt and not Daredevil.

He doesn't want to scare her, after all. She'll probably be very confused as to why he's there and being scared won't help anything.

“Minnie, sweetheart, can you hear me?” He asks, keeping his voice soft as possible as he does.

To her credit, she doesn't start at all. It takes her a moment to process, but then she questions, “Daddy?”

The name makes his heart soar - everytime she says it, he breaks into the biggest smile. It is the sweetest sound and the fact she switched to calling him that all on her own means the world to him.

She wants him to be her Daddy.

“Yeah, sweetheart, it's me. What are you doing awake?” he questions, smiling as he hears her get up and start to walk around. He wonders if she is looking for him and his guess is confirmed when he hears her start lifting things up to look under them.

“I'm watching Cookie Monsters,” she replies and Matt chuckles. He thinks it is so adorable she is also so direct with her answers. She always answers exactly what is asked.

“I don't think it is time for Cookie Monster, Mouse. I think it's sleep time. Mommy is sleeping.”

You are in a deep sleep, your breathing slow and even. He can tell you've been exhausted lately and probably need the sleep. More than once he's found you awake during his patrols. If Minnie tried to wake you up, you probably weren't responsive and she had left you to sleep.

She peters her way back to in front of the television and plops back down after checking under the dining table. Matt waits for her to respond, knowing sometimes it takes her time to form what she wants to say.

“I can't sleep,” she mumbles, upset clear in her voice, “there's a monster.”

The Devil flares up inside of him and he instantly scans the area for a threat. There are few people awake in the area and he focuses in on them - none of them appear to be any sort of danger to his daughter. At the moment.

But they could have been earlier. They could have woken her up by doing something horrible. A mugging. Domestic violence. Something worse.

He curls his lip into a snarl.

He'll find whoever upset his daughter and drive them from his city. The state.

It's a miracle he manages to keep his voice calm and gentle, “A monster?”

“A monster,” she confirms sadly. Her breathing becomes muffled and Matt figures she has shoved her hand into her mouth to self-comfort.

“Can you tell Daddy about the monster?”

She sucks on her fingers and with her free hand, pulls her toy into her lap. He wants to push her to tell him, but he knows he can't. She's not a witness or a suspect - she's his daughter trying her best. He can tell she wants to answer, he just needs to be patient.

“He ran really fast,” Minnie starts to say, barely taking her hand out of her mouth to do so, “and went eek-eek-eek and smelled like poopy-butt.”

The words baffle him and Matt knits his brows - this monster was close enough for Minnie to smell him? The monster in his chest snarls and he has to fight to keep his composure. He knows Minnie is locked onto him and if he lets his rage show, she will know and she will get scared.

He needs to protect his daughter. He needs to believe God will not test him in this.

“Minnie, sweetie, can you tell Daddy where the monster is?”

Her little head turns up to face exactly where he is standing, asking in a small voice, “are you gonna fight him?”

The Devil roars ‘yes’, but the Father in him says, “Do you want me to?”

“Mommy scares him away,” she advises hesitantly. He can practically feel the nerves radiating off of her and it makes him clench his fist.

Matt doesn't understand. This has happened before?

Then it beams him in the head like a baseball and Matt feels like a complete idiot.

Minnie is a toddler. Her monsters are shadows, creaky pipes, and the four legged creatures in the city. Those are things that no longer register on Matt's radar but she hasn't learned to tune them out yet. Of course she would be scared of those things - Matt was scared of those things when he first got his senses and he was much older than Minnie at the time.

He remembers his first phone call with you and how it ended - something about Monster Repellent.

“I can go scare off the monster - would you like that?” he asks, the Devil in him settling down now that he knows no one is trying to hurt his little girl.

He doesn't know if it's Minnie sensing his shift in mood or if she didn't want him to fight the monster and scaring it away is what she wants, but she untenses her shoulders and her hand comes out of her mouth.

“You'll scare him away?” She asks after hugging her toy right to her chest.

“I'll scare him away,” he quickly promises.

“He smells like poopy-butt,” she repeats and Matt wonders if she is making a stinky face. That is something you tell him he and Minnie share - a certain curl of their lips when they find something unappealing.

“That's okay, sweetie, I'll make him go smell bad somewhere else. He won't bother you,” he says. “Can you tell me where he went and I'll go chase him away.”

Finally, she points down towards the alleyway between her building and the neighboring one and adds, “He can climb walls. Like Spidey-Man.”

Matt resists the urge to huff over the mention of the other vigilante. He has met the kid twice before and his biggest take, besides it was a kid under the mask and that had been its own thing, was that he needed to learn how to throw a proper punch. It confirmed for him all that Avengers training and showboating really meant nothing and they really were better off fighting aliens and wizards than helping out real people.

“Don't worry, Mouse, I can climb the walls, too.” He's definitely letting his Pride show through, but if he can't show off for his daughter, who can he show off for?

He makes a quick map in his head, then goes to the edge of the roof. Minnie’s head is still angled up towards him and she ‘watches’ as he parkours down to street level. If he adds a few unnecessary flips, well, that is no one's business but his own.

Once he is on the pavement, he opens his senses to the things he normally blocks out. The city becomes far more lively around him - cats, raccoons, birds, dogs, all sorts of bugs and things he doesn't like to think about. There's yowling and chirps and suddenly so much more movement, most of it under his feet.

Mouse’s monster is easy to find. It is a disgustingly large rat that has built a nest of trash and grime under a dumpster. The thing has a respiratory infection, which has it wheezing and rattling and he very much understands why Minnie was scared of it. It is not a pleasant sound and the infection is not at all helping how the creature smells. Animals smell at the best of times, but this rat clearly enjoys the sewers and ‘poopy-butt’ doesn't begin to cover how rancid it is.

Matt starts to work out what he needs to do to make sure this sick rodent stays far away from his family. If it has a nest, it will come back, so he needs to destroy that - without damaging the animal. He doesn't have the heart to actually hurt the thing.

He pulls out his billy clubs and snaps them together to make a bo staff, then moves to crouch in front of the dumpster. “Okay, sir, I'm here to evict you,” he says, more for Minnie’s benefit than anything. “You gotta go.”

He jabs at the nest of wet cardboard and almost immediately, the rat scurries out and hisses at him. It snaps its jaws at him a few times instead of running away and Matt huffs at the display, turning his staff towards the creature and swatting at it. “Get out of here.” To its credit, it tries to fight him, biting at his billy clubs and screeching at him, but after a few good thwacks to its side, it realizes it has no chance against him and dashes toward a nearby grate.

He listens to it go down into some pipes and once it's out of range, he tilts his head up towards Minnie, a smile starting to form in his lips, “The monster has been vanquished, my princess.”

His words make her giggle and he can't help but chuckle as well. He hears her push up into standing and she toddles towards the window. There's a table in front of it, so he knows she can't see out of it, but he knows she's trying to find him.

“He's not gonna come back?” She questions and in response he starts to break up the nest. He spreads the trash around, knocking things down and away. It's not a big very big rat den, relying heavily on the dumpster.

“He's not, he's gonna go find a new home,” he promises as he works, and once he's satisfied with his destruction, he collapses his billy clubs and holsters them. He pushes up into standing and steps away from the trash can.

“Far away?” Minnie asks and his heart breaks for her. The stupid animal must have terrified her.

“Very, very far away.”

He locates the fire escape and starts to scale it back up to your apartment floor. As he does, he starts closing off his senses again. Things begin to fade into the background - the things he will need to start teaching Minnie. She's got a good handle on it already, having learned to function with it instead of needing to adapt.

He's so proud. So unbelievably proud.

She's such a good and pure child. She always wants to help and asks about other people. She may be shy, but she's empathetic.

You've taught her well.

Matt understands how Minnie is a mini-him in her abilities and mannerisms due to those abilities, but her sweet nature is from you.

He knows he's gone for you.

Foggy has pointed it out. Karen has pointed it out. God has smacked him in the face with signs.

His realization moment was hearing a man purchasing an engagement ring for a woman who shared your name. He had gotten so furiously jealous he had to go take it out on the punching bag.

Foggy laughed so hard at him.

He doesn't think you noticed at all. It is nothing against you, he completely understands. You are like him - you don't think you deserve love. You had been painfully shy your first night together, as well, and he had been charmed by it.

He's angry at himself for letting you be a one night stand.

He should have been there when you needed him most.

He's not going to fuck that up again.

He pulls off his mask before making a show off popping up in front of your window and Minnie dissolves into giggles.

“Hi, Daddy!” She waves at him and he can tell she is absolutely beaming. He eagerly waves back and he knows he's matching her smile.

“Hi, Mouse.”

“Why are you outside?”

He's planned for this. He has discussed this with Foggy and Karen at length. He did the unthinkable - he asked Frank - who apparently knew who Minnie was before either Foggy or Karen did. They had attacked the question from all sides. As the firm. As friends. As parents.

They couldn't lie to Minnie. Matt can see the signs she's picking up on what different heart beats mean. She's going to know and there's nothing they can do to hide it. She can hear all of Hell’s Kitchen just as well as he can. It may not happen until she's older, but she'll figure it out.

So, he's not going to lie to her. He thinks you would approve. You don't like lying to her - you soften the truth into something she can comprehend. He's going to follow your lead.

“I'm working,” Matt answers, crouching on the rails and resting his wrists on his knees. He's suddenly very glad he had a very boring night. “What are you doing inside?”

Mouse accepts the answer and hugs her toy to her chest, swaying side to side “I'm talking to you.”

He laughs at her utter sweetness. She giggles along with him.

He gives a fond shake of his lead, then leans forward so she can see him a bit better, “What should you be doing, sweetheart?”

She scrunches up her face as she thinks, then she falls into a pout, “Sleeping.”

“Yeah, you should be sleeping. You're going to be tired tomorrow. It's not going to be fun,” he gently warns. He knows it isn't her fault, but he knows it will eventually help her learn to push those noises to the background.

“Okay, I'll go bed. I gotta clean up first. Mommy says …Mommy says don't leave it until morning. You'll make morning you sad. Be nice to morning you,” she recites, patting her hands against her stuffed animal - it's not Scooby or Pig. (He doesn't know this one. His best guess is it's a Raggedy-Anne type princess doll. His little girl loves princesses - no specific one, just the concept and aesthetic.)

He loves the values you are instilling in her. He's going to steal this mantra and tell it to Foggy and Karen.

“Okay. I'll keep watch for any monsters,” he tells her. This is one of the reasons he wants her to know the truth. He wants her to know her Daddy will protect her from all of the monsters.

“Okay. Thank you. Love you!” She chants, then turns away.

“I love you, too, Mouse. So much.”

And he will tell her every chance he gets.

She carefully walks back to where she had been sitting and turns off the television, then goes to put her toys away. Like always, she's very methodical about what she does. He could spend hours watching her play. She fascinates him. She picks up one toy at a time and tells it good night as she puts it back into her toy chest.

She doesn't have much to clean up and when she finishes, she turns to face him.

“Will you tuck me in? Please? Thank you?” Minnie asks like he can say no.

“Of course, my love. Are you all ready for bed?” He questions as he hops down onto the fire escape - one of the screws holding it together shakes and he decides he'll come back another night with a wrench to tighten everything up.

“All ready!” she confirms and he can tell she's watching him with great curiosity.

He begins to run his fingers over the edges of the window, searching for a way in. You certainly don't make it easy - you invested in apartment security and it takes him a moment to disable it. He's careful as he slides the window up and pops out the screen. He slips into the apartment, then quickly closes the window behind him, leaving the screen on the floor.

Minnie has the decency to wait until that moment to run to him with open arms. Matt scoops her up, swinging her a little before putting her on his hip and once she is settled, he leans down to press his forehead to hers.

“We have to be quiet, okay? We can't wake up, Mommy,” he tells her and she quickly nods in understanding.

He doesn't know what he'll do if you wake up and find him in your home - but luckily you are still in a deep sleep. As long as Minnie keeps calm, you should stay lost in Dreamland.

He kisses her forehead then starts towards the bedroom. She returns the affection, planting a big kiss on his cheek before she gently smacks him in the face with her doll with a quiet, “mwah!” Then, she flops against his shoulder, using him as a pillow.

He has to fight back a pleased huff - his little angel is so sweet. He'll never get sick of getting kisses from her toys - it's so loving and innocent and he is greedy for any and all affection.

Your bedroom is a good twenty degrees cooler than the rest of the apartment - there's a fan going and accompanying it is a little window unit blowing in cold air. It feels like Heaven in the blistering heat that is the rest of the city. The chill seems to suck the consciousness from Mouse - she gives a big dramatic yawn, smacking her lips against his neck. Her body slumps into him and he rubs her back encouragingly.

He crosses the room carefully, hyper aware of any toys that may have found their way to the floor post-bedtime. It absolutely breaks his heart to have to pull her away from him and she does try to stay clinging to him - not fighting him just resistant - but she ends up in her bed and under her covers. He doesn't know if he would have had the strength to force her to let go if she really did want to stay in his arms.

He helps her adjust her sleeping headband so it is around her eyes and ears, then kisses her cheek one final time, “ready for sleep?”

The response is a barely there nod and Matt can't help but feel so much love for his daughter. Being able to conk right out as soon as she's comfortable shows how much she trusts him. His little girl is always so wary and subtly alert.

He's going to cherish this moment forever.

“Love you, Mouse.” He whispers.

“Luvo, Daffy,” is what it sounds like she says as she rolls to bury her face into her pillow. A moment later she is snoring.

Matt allows a few tears to fall before wiping them away and turning his attention to you. You have nested yourself under your blankets, breath hitching every so often. He's learned over time from various people this usually means bad dreams - not nightmares but things that can leave you shaken.

He doesn't dare move closer to try to soothe you with touch - that would certainly wake you up.

Instead, he promises, “I'll chase all your monsters away, too.”

tags:

@midnightreids @cloudroomblog @yeonalie @thychuvaluswife

@petrovafire39 @allllium

@dorothleah @mattmurdocksstarlight @mars-on-vinyl @mywellspringoflife @sleepdeprived-barelyalive @simmilarly @soupyspence @darkened-writer @akila-twt

@murc0ckmurc0ck @groovycass @sumo-b98 @just3rowsing @tongueofcat @zoom1374

@theclassicvinyldragon @aoi-targaryen @lunaticgurly @nikitawolfxo @shireentapestry @snakevyro @yondiii @echos-muses @honeybug-victoria @the-bisaster @ristare @mrs-bellingham @eugene-emt-roe @cometenthusiast @stevenknightmarc @hunnybelha @

Specialagentjackbauer @yarrystyleeza @ofmusesandsecrets

@mayp11-blog @danzer8705 @thinking-at-dusk @remuslupinwifee @akila-twt @mattmurdocks6thscaleapartment @dil3mma @allllium

two-unbeatable-beaters @kiwwia-wiwwia @1988-fiend @xblueriddlex @loves0phelia @ninacotte @lovelyygirl8 @littlenosoul @ednaaa-04 @ astridstark13

@lovingkryptonitehideout @moongirlgodness @soocore @bluestuesday

#soulie writes #fanfiction #daredevil #matt murdock x you #matt murdock x reader #and then i met you

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just-aake · 4 months

Text

Boundless Devotion - Part XI

Pairing: princess!Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader

Summary: MedievalAU. Natasha is the eldest princess of the Romanov Kingdom. As the time of her coronation approaches, she is suddenly forced to make a decision – either find herself a partner or her parents will choose one for her.

Warnings: light angst, light fluff, slight violence

Words: 4350

The distant rumble of thunder causes your horse to fidget nervously as the two of you press on along the trail from the manor.

Your gaze shifts from the darkening skies to the princess, riding slightly ahead of you.

Since leaving, a heavy silence has hung between the two of you with the both of you choosing to focus on the path ahead or, in Natasha’s case, glaring into the distance.

You can easily read the tension in her body from her stiff back, letting you know her current feelings.

Unable to stand the quiet anymore, you decide to call out to her.

“I can tell that you’re still upset, you know.”

At the sound of your voice, Natasha relaxes her posture slightly, slowing her horse to ride alongside you.

With a tired sigh and a slight bow of her head, she grumbles under her breath.

“Not at you,” she clarifies before her hands clench the reins in anger, and she grits out. “Just this situation.”

You sigh sadly at her explanation, looking down at your hands in disappointment. This is precisely what you had hoped to avoid — adding more stress to her mind.

Noticing your expression, Natasha's hand reaches out to rest on your shoulder, drawing your attention.

Her eyes soften when they meet yours with a knowing look.

“Hey, I’m serious. This is not on you,” she stresses before continuing with a pleading tone, “You’re my best friend, Y/n. I just want you to be safe.”

Her proposition from earlier reappears in your mind. The offer was kind and generous but accepting it would create too many complications, especially for Natasha.

Breaking away from her intense gaze, you look down to focus on your horse instead, finding small comfort in stroking its mane gently before quietly telling her your answer with a resigned sigh.

“I can’t stay at the castle, Natasha.”

“Why not?” she asks with a frustrated sigh.

Returning your gaze to hers, a sense of nostalgia washes over you as you look at her.

Despite growing up together, you’re still amazed at how she still manages to maintain the same determination and compassion that you’ve always seen in her since you were young.

Rather than responding directly to her, you ask a different question.

“Do you remember what you told me the first time we met?”

Natasha tilts her head in confusion, but still, she decides to go along with it anyway, curious about the point of your abrupt change in subject.

“I remember saying that you were the most stubborn person I’ve ever met," she recalls with a pointed look in her eyes.

Amused, you let out a small laugh and shake your head lightly.

“Says the one who wouldn’t stay still after she fell out of a tree.”

Natasha rolls her eyes, but a tiny smile forms at the corner of her lips at the memory of her first official meeting with you outside of royal events.

Your mind also drifts to the past, recalling the state of the kingdom at that time when you were still children.

Even after years had passed, people were still recovering from the effects and loss of the war.

After a brief moment of contemplation, you continue.

“During that time, even with the peace treaty, there was still some resentment between our people and the Stark kingdom.”

“Yeah, I remember,” Natasha sighs solemnly in recollection before giving you a small teasing smile. “Even someone as kind as you didn’t like them back then.”

That was true.

At that time, the twins had recently entered your life after the devastating loss of their parents to some Stark stragglers in the kingdom. With that incident as well as Madam B’s constant comments throughout your childhood of how the Stark kingdom should’ve lost the war, it’s understandable why your sentiments towards the other kingdom weren't exactly favorable.

However, your perspective changed on that fateful day when you stumbled upon the injured princess at the base of the tree by the lake.

Pulling yourself from the memory, you nod your head in acknowledgment of her words about you before commenting.

“You could say almost everyone in the kingdom had some animosity with the Stark kingdom.”

Your eyes then drift to Natasha, looking at her with admiration.

“But not you,” you say softly.

When Natasha tilts her head curiously, still confused at your point, your hand reaches for hers, and she gives it to you without hesitation, intertwining your fingers.

Despite the slight roughness on her skin, a result from years of training, you only feel the warmth of her palm spreading to you and the gentleness in her grasp.

For a brief bittersweet moment, you can’t help but think about how her hand fits perfectly in yours.

Shaking away the thought, your thumb instinctively caresses the back of her hand as you explain to her.

“You have a kind heart, Natasha, always wanting to protect and care for everyone.”

Pausing your movement, you remember her words from years ago.

“Back then, you told me that when you became the queen, you’re going to heal the pain that the war had caused. For everyone. For both kingdoms.”

A small smile plays on your lips as you reminisce about the memory.

“That was the moment I knew you would become a great ruler.”

Looking up into her eyes, you tell her earnestly, “I still do, which is why I decided that day to do everything I can to help you accomplish that future you envisioned.”

Giving her a small smile, you end with a soft tone, “Because I believe in you, Natasha.”

Natasha’s eyes widen, and her mouth opens in surprise, stunned speechless at your words.

After a moment, your smile fades as you glance back down at her hand in yours before releasing it with a resigned sigh.

“But that means you can’t keep trying to protect me from every bad thing. Not when you need to focus on the entire kingdom soon.”

“I can do both,” Natasha asserts with a frown.

Determined, you shake your head in refusal.

“No, you need more allies among the other nobles than just me. When you become queen, you’ll be working with the heads of the houses, not their daughters or sons who are already charmed by you.”

Natasha huffs in annoyance at the mention of the older nobles, recalling their greed for power and favor.

You shoot her a knowing look as you point out.

“You know that bringing me into the castle will show favoritism.”

Natasha huffs in disbelief before arguing, “First of all, you are my favorite, and second, everyone already thinks we’re together.”

“But we’re not going to be for much longer,” you remind her, repeating her words from this morning. “After your coronation, you and I don’t need to be in a fake relationship anymore.”

“I didn’t—that was before—,” Natasha groans, rubbing her forehead in frustration.

You are right concerning the situation with other nobles. Navigating and balancing the political scene has always been a challenging task, even for her parents.

Once she takes the throne, all of those nobles’ scrutinizing eyes will turn to her, and they will ruthlessly pick apart every action she takes.

Bringing you in will just put you in the forefront of their attention.

Natasha drags her hand down her face tiredly, giving you a conflicted look.

“That still doesn’t make what your father is doing right,” she says.

“No, but it is my problem to worry about, not yours,” you assert firmly.

Natasha starts to argue, but you interrupt, emphasizing your point.

“As queen, you will have to choose your battles, Natasha,” you stress, giving her a serious look. “Even if it means you don’t choose me.”

Her expression twists in displeasure at your last words, a sentiment she finds difficult to accept.

However, confronted by your unrelenting and expectant gaze, Natasha sighs in frustration, shaking her head in disbelief.

"You know, I feel like you got those words from one of my mother’s lectures," she says, slightly exasperated.

Her tone eases the tension in the air a little.

“Maybe,” you reply with a small laugh.

Natasha watches you with a resigned expression.

While she doesn't entirely agree with your point, she’s not going to force you into something you don’t want.

“I still don’t like the idea of you going back to him,” Natasha remarks.

You sigh, admitting, “Well, as long as I follow his orders, he usually just leaves me alone.”

Her expression twists unhappily at that information, prompting you to place a reassuring hand on her arm before continuing.

“I do have a plan so that I can leave eventually, Natasha. Until then, I can take care of myself.” You give her a reassuring smile. “And I’m not alone. I have the twins.”

“You also have me,” Natasha says earnestly, covering your hand with hers and squeezing it gently.

“Whatever you need, the castle is always open to you.”

“I know,” you say appreciatively. “Thank you, Natasha.”

~~~~~~~ ⧗ ~~~~~~~

After reluctantly accepting your decision, Natasha and you continue until the two of you reach a fork in the path.

Natasha slows her horse to a stop, looking to you for direction as she realizes that she doesn’t know your intended destination. In the back of her mind, she recalls Pietro mentioning something about you finding answers.

“So, where are we going?”

“The prison,” you respond to her casually, already urging your horse in its direction.

Natasha raises a brow, an unsettling feeling creeping in as she remembers Clint’s message to her on the day of the festival about the stalled interrogation of the man from the cemetery attack.

“Who are you going to see?” she asks hesitantly, catching up beside you.

“Captain James Barnes,” you reveal.

Natasha lets out a small breath of relief at your answer, her body relaxing momentarily before tensing up again as she recognizes the name.

“As in Stark’s old captain?” she questions.

At your nod, she asks in surprise, “What is he doing there?”

You pause for a moment before answering, humming a little in thought.

“My father assumes it was an assassination attempt, but when I met him, he suddenly tried to take me away,” you explain nonchalantly before noticing Natasha’s shocked expression and quickly continuing to reassure her.

“Pietro stopped him, though, and he was captured before he could do anything else.”

Natasha raises her hand in a stopping gesture as she tries to process the new information, pinching between her eyes in exasperation at you before taking a deep breath.

“So you’re telling me…you were almost kidnapped by this known criminal, and now we’re on our way to the prison to talk with him?”

You nod, confirming her words.

Natasha stares at you in disbelief for a moment in silence before quickly turning her horse around and grabbing your reins.

“That’s it, we’re going back to the castle,” she declares firmly.

“Natasha, we just talked about this,” you say, pulling your reins back from her grip.

“No, this involves a war criminal. I think I have some power over the decisions in this case,” Natasha says with a pointed look.

Despite her serious expression, you return her stare with an all-too-familiar pleading look, causing Natasha to quickly turn away, refusing to maintain eye contact with you.

It was already difficult to refuse any request from you when you look at her with that expression, but with the recent realization of her feelings, she knows she stands no chance right now.

“Natasha, please.”

She groans internally at the sound of your voice, taking a deep breath before giving you a tiny glare, which you return with a slight tilt of your head and a small pout.

Immediately, Natasha’s head falls to her chest in defeat. She can already hear Yelena’s mocking voice in her mind about how easily she gives in to you.

In a final attempt to see if you may change your mind, Natasha gives you another hard look before ultimately relenting with a sigh.

“Okay, fine, but I’m staying beside you the entire time, and you can’t get too close to him.”

When your face brightens with a satisfied smile in victory, Natasha huffs and shakes her head in disbelief.

Despite her reaction, though, a warm feeling spreads in her chest at your happy expression, reminding her of the original reason she had come to see you.

As the two of you ride side by side on the path, Natasha decides to take this opportunity to continue the conversation that was previously interrupted.

However, before delving back into that discussion, there was another topic concerning something from earlier that she wanted to ask you about first.

“Y/n, back at the manor, when I was climbing to your window…,” Natasha starts, causing you to look at her curiously.

“I overheard some parts of your conversation with the twins,” she admits.

With a desire to confirm her suspicion based on the fragments she heard, Natasha presses on with her question when she notices your surprised expression.

"When you told me that you liked someone…you didn’t mean Carol, did you?"

Natasha observes as your eyes widen and your lips part in surprise before you quickly shake your head to get out of your shocked state.

“Oh, that’s—uh, I mean, Carol’s…great. Anybody would like—um…” you wince slightly at your loss of words.

With a raised brow, Natasha waits as you stumble over your words before you finally confess under your breath with a sigh.

“...no, I wasn’t talking about her.”

A sense of relief washes over Natasha at your words before she questions you with an amused smile.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?”

You respond with a disbelieving huff.

“Well, why did you assume it was her?” you counter.

“The two of you seemed so close during the festival, and at the bonfire, you were blushing a lot with her,” Natasha points out accusingly.

“That’s because she was teasing me about y—” you shut your mouth, stopping yourself before you finish.

In the heat of defending yourself, you nearly revealed that all of your flustered reactions at that time were about Natasha.

Glancing over at her to see if she noticed your slip-up, you groan internally when you recognize her pleased expression.

Natasha is grinning widely at the revelation, her eyes lighting up happily as if she's finally solved a mystery.

When your hand covers your face in embarrassment, she knows you also figured out that she has already guessed what you meant to say.

At your slight blush, she can’t help but want to tease you a little bit more, tilting her head to try and catch your attention.

“You know, I think I heard you mention my name too. What were you about to say about me before I appeared?”

You purposely avoid meeting her eyes, wishing the ground would just swallow you up already.

Having Natasha suspect that your feelings for someone were actually for her was not something that you had expected to happen, especially considering how your previous discussion this morning ended.

Choosing to ignore her question, you point to the distance ahead and try to divert the conversation.

“I think we’re nearing the prison. We should probably concentrate and focus our attention on what we’ll do when we get there.”

Natasha's grin widen at your flustering and poor attempt to change the subject.

As you prepare to urge your horse forward, her hand reaches over to hold your reins again, stopping you.

Done with all the teasing, Natasha decides to reciprocate some vulnerability, understanding that you might be feeling exposed at the moment.

She nudges your arm gently to get your attention.

Once your eyes reluctantly meet hers, Natasha begins softly.

“Remember how I said I realized something? Turns out I'm facing a similar problem to what you had this morning.”

Confused, you furrow your brows, prompting Natasha to smile fondly at you. She takes a deep breath before admitting with a happy sigh.

“Apparently, there is someone I like, but I don’t know how they feel about me,” Natasha echoes your words from this morning before tilting her head meaningfully, adding, "She’s one of my closest friends too."

Your eyes widen in surprise and uncertainty as you try to come up with a response.

That warm feeling returns to your chest, but you try not to let that hope grow too fast.

At your silence, Natasha presses on, asking, "What should I do?"

Clearing your throat nervously, you finally find your voice as you repeat the response she had given you.

“Well, you said you would’ve just asked them directly about how they felt about you.”

“I did, didn't I?” Natasha says in contemplation. She pauses for a second before a small smirk forms on her face, and she focuses her intense gaze on you.

“So, Y/n, how do you feel about me?”

Your eyes search hers in disbelief at the implication of her question towards you. You try to spot any signs of her usual teasing, but there is only genuine anticipation and hope in her expression.

Caught off guard by the sudden realization, you stammer, “I—um…”

As Natasha waits for your response, the sound of rustling and footsteps from the shadows of the trees catches her attention, setting her instincts on edge.

Her body instantly straightens in alertness as she observes the surroundings.

At the faint sound of a mechanism engaging and then a quiet click, Natasha quickly grabs you, pulling you off your horse and onto the ground just as a heavy net shoots out from the trees.

Your horses whine in panic as the net soars past them, where it would have caught you and Natasha if the two of you hadn’t moved.

Instead, the complex mesh of thick ropes and weighted edges lands with a resounding thud on the ground, ensnaring nothing but air.

Natasha and you landed in a tangled heap, her hands instinctively shielding your head and body as the both of you roll to a stop.

The surrounding area seems to hold its breath for a second before the sound of hurried footsteps causes the two of you to rise quickly to your feet.

Three menacing men emerge from the trees, each brandishing a weapon as they advance toward you and Natasha, undeterred by the failure of their initial trap.

Natasha pulls her sword from its sheath and hands it to you with a smirk.

“It’s a good thing we practiced this morning, huh?” she teases lightly.

You roll your eyes exasperatedly as you take the sword.

Natasha is more than capable of taking on these ruffians, but knowing that you are not defenseless will probably help her concentrate more on them than having to also worry about you.

The attackers quickly rush at the two of you, and Natasha immediately engages in combat with two of them simultaneously while the third one dodges her attacks and goes for you.

You raise the sword in defense as it clashes against his before the two of you engage in a fight.

He was bigger than you, but luckily, that just means that you are faster than his movements.

You find yourself dodging and parrying his swings, but his experience with a sword allows him to defend from most of your attacks easily.

Seeing no way to break through his defense, you spot a large tree nearby and come up with an idea.

While dodging his attacks, you discreetly move toward its direction, leading him closer.

Right as your back hits the trunk of the tree, a particularly powerful swing knocks the sword out of your hand.

The attacker grins victoriously, thinking you are cornered, and lunges forward with a powerful thrust.

Swiftly ducking out of the way, you cause his sword to impale deep into the tree instead.

With him stunned at his stuck weapon, you knock his arm away from the sword and then swiftly hook your leg around the back of his knee, sweeping it out from under him.

Before he can recover, you quickly pick up your fallen sword and slam its hilt against the back of his head.

Catching your breath, you let out a breath of relief when you see that he is unconscious.

Next thing you know, your body is pulled away from the man, and Natasha’s hands are moving gently across your face as she examines you.

Seeing that you are okay, she glances at the man on the ground before giving you an excited smile in realization.

“You were watching me that day,” Natasha points out happily.

That last action that you just performed was almost exactly the same as her finishing move during her spar with Steve.

Based on your evasive behavior toward her at that time, Natasha had thought that you were avoiding her to the point where you didn’t even want to watch her train anymore.

You offer her sword back to her with a small roll of your eyes.

Behind her, you see the other two attackers already on the ground, subdued.

“You already know that I’ve always liked watching you train," you remind her.

Instead of taking the sword, Natasha wraps her hand around yours and pulls you a step closer to her, bringing your body and face near hers.

She playfully tilts her head at you with a teasing glint in her eyes.

“Weren't you just about to tell me about something else that you like before we were interrupted?” Natasha challenges.

You huff and shake your head in disbelief, realizing her intention.

Refusing to be the first to give in, especially with her confident and charming smirk in place, you decide to lean in even closer instead, bringing your face just a breath away from hers.

“I don’t know, Natasha, is there something you want to tell me?” you whisper challengingly, lowering your tone.

Natasha’s smirk widens in amusement as she maintains her position, seemingly unaffected, but looking closer, you notice a slight change in her eyes as they darken and briefly dart down to your lips.

Understanding dawns on you as you recall all the times you’ve seen that look on her before.

A charged tension fills the air as both of you stubbornly await the other to give in.

After a moment, Natasha finally releases a shaky breath and leans her head against yours, unable to resist anymore with you so close to her.

However, before any word can escape her parted lips, the tranquility is shattered by the sound of an arrow being released and a grunt emanating from the trees.

Turning in unison, you and Natasha witness the hidden attacker tumbling from the tree to the ground.

Your gaze then shifts to the source of the arrow, revealing a familiar figure behind the bow.

“Clint,” Natasha greets before complimenting, "Nice shot."

He puts away his bow and approaches both of you with a raised brow.

“You two are adorable, but next time, please check your surroundings again before running into each other’s arms,” he advises.

Feeling a bit embarrassed, you clear your throat awkwardly and take a step back from Natasha.

However, her hand catches your side, keeping you close.

“Where are the two of you going? And without an escort, at that,” he ask, with the last part directed pointedly in reprimand at Natasha, who responds with a slight roll of her eyes.

"To the prison," you answer him.

"What about you? What are you doing running around with your bow again?" Natasha asks curiously.

Clint gestures to the attackers, unconscious on the ground.

“These men are from the Hydra's den, which happened to be suspiciously deserted when I passed by this morning,” he reveals with a serious tone.

Natasha frowns upon hearing the information.

The central area where mercenaries usually occupy being suddenly empty is never a good sign.

“Rumlow?” Natasha asks in suspicion.

This behavior is too unusual for the noble known for his affiliations with such groups to deny any knowledge of what is happening.

Clint shrugs unsurely, grimacing, “He’s not at his manor. My informant didn’t arrive at the usual meeting time either, so I came to investigate.”

He gestures towards you and Natasha.

“If you two are also heading to the prison, then it's better if I stay with you, especially after this ambush. I’m assuming you're taking Lady Y/n to see…,” Clint trails off when he sees Natasha discreetly shaking her head, signaling him to stop talking, but it is too late.

At his words, you quickly turn to Natasha with suspicion, raising your brow.

There’s no way Clint would know about Barnes so soon, so he must be referring to someone else at the prison, and judging by Natasha’s reaction, she knows exactly who he meant.

Natasha shoots a glare at Clint, who has suddenly taken an interest in looking up at the skies. She winces slightly when she glances back at you and sees your accusatory stare.

With a resigned sigh, she reveals, “There may have been a request…by that attacker from the cemetery to speak with you before he would answer any of our questions.”

“Natasha!” you exclaim in reprimand for keeping such information concerning you a secret.

She raises her hands in defense, arguing, “He’s a threat against the kingdom, which means I can make decisions concerning him about you.”

“You can't use that excuse every time,” you tell her, poking her in the shoulder pointedly at her attempt of creating a loophole to indirectly protect you.

Natasha responds with an amused smile, catching your hands and interlocking them together. She raises her brows and remarks teasingly.

"Yes, I can. I'm still your princess, remember?"

Rolling your eyes at her usual teasing reminder, you shove her lightly in response with your clasped hands, which elicits a chuckle from her.

Clint lets out a smile as he observes the close interaction between you and Natasha, commenting with an assuring nod, “Yeah, you two really are adorable together.”

~~~~~~~ ⧗ ~~~~~~~

Series Masterlist : Boundless Devotion

a/n: Thank you for reading! I may have been delusional saying that there would two/three more parts left of this series two parts ago, but it should be around two parts left after this one (i think).

Taglist: @lightwhoranoutoflight, @taliiiaasteria, @romanoffprentiss, @canvascoloredin, @silentwolfsstuff, @blacklightsposts, @arcturusseer, @presser24, @dvrkhcld, @jujuu23, @screechcat, @vivs46, @cd-4848, @youneversawmehereooooooo, @pancakefan7529, @confusedspaceotter, @natbelovasblog, @izzy-b09, @iamheartless, @mrsrushman, @fxckmiup, @natty-taffy, @2silverchain, @traveler-at-heart, @autorasexy, @natsxwife, @mviswidow, @slut4johansson

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff x fem!reader #natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha romanoff x you #black widow x reader #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff

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braimrotting · 10 months

Text

mmmthe dead eggs make me so sad cause of how preventable their deaths seem now.

trumpets (i saw everyone call him this instead of trump and i find this much cuter) deaths were cause of neglect and if the environment was the same as now with the "it takes a village" mindset, he couldve lived. I was watching some of max's videos with my minimum spanish knowledge and they were so cute. his little hat spun!!! the brazilians + french never had to experience the struggles of DAILY tasks. our single parent association were fighting for their lives. he was 11 days old :(

tilin. her first life was neglect so same points as trumpet but the second one i dont think couldve been saved by ninho. I remember watching slime and tilin died soso quickly. but community definitely couldve saved her. the armor was MINIMAL back then like we were running around in iron! also looking back tilin was actually wearing NO armor which was why she died so quickly. slime was so devastated omg. she was 11 days old as well.

juanaflippa!!! my baby, i got so attached to her watching slime, her life was crazy. im honestly a little confused on her lives. she lost 2 to misclicks and one to neglect. I dont really understand like how some bed misclicks counted but others didnt? chayanne + leo + ramon had their beds clicked but didnt lose a life. i think there was a rule change somewhere. chaotic as hell but ik slimariana were genuinely sad over her death so i feel like if she was brought back now she would have a higher chance of survival. our youngest tho she died at 10 days.

lastly bobby chingon. ninho 100% would have saved him. ik his and tallulahs deaths were basically the reason forever created the nest, and its such a perfect solution. stasis pearls were always an option but no one really thought about it/ the community trust wasnt as established. its kinda bittersweet tbh. bobby lost one of his lives to the code which we now have a defense against and his second life... so upsetting because roier didnt even want to go to the dugeon initially but a stasis pearl wouldve been so easy. 44 days old

the brazilians rlly transformed qsmp and forever creating ninho was so good i need him recieve all the love from everyone. our little community was so shaped by the eggs i wish all of them were here but also their deaths kinda paved the way for some of the lore.

#qsmp #qsmp forever #qsmp tilin #qsmp bobby #qsmp trump #qsmp juanaflippa #qsmp maximus #qsmp slimecicle

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dearhargrove · 6 months

Note

Could I request 10 & 11 from the "Small things that matter in romance" prompt list with Billy please ? Thank you so much 🤍🤍🤍 Take your time.

a/n yes!! Thank you for requesting 🩷

Lazy day

Billy Hargrove x f!reader

summary just some sweet, soft moments with Billy!

word count 1175

warnings none

prompts (from @urfriendlywriter) used 10. slow kisses, dreamy, lazy, lips gently touching the teasing the other's, eyes fluttering closed, feeling all shy

11. undressing infront of each other !! with no crazy 18+, just wholesome kisses here and there and then going to bed

masterlist

navigation

You couldn't be more glad when you heard Billy's car parking in the driveway, the car door shutting a moment later. Your day was long and had tired you out entirely. Which made you all the more excited for your boyfriend finally coming over after his shift at the pool.

You were still in your clothes from school. Between coming home, doing homework, making yourself a quick meal and now hadn't been enough time to change. However, you knew Billy was the last person to mind your appearance, so with a smile you open the door to your bedroom and walk to the front door, on time with his knocking.

He stands on the doorstep with a lazy smirk, eyeing you up and down with an appreciative hum. "Hey, gorgeous," he greets huskily.

You just smile wider and grab his hand to pull him inside, closing the door behind him.

Your parents weren't home yet so you weren't worried about them seeing him (not that it mattered; they knew and accepted him, but still). "Hi there," you mumble back and sling your arms around his neck, fingers going to the hair curling at his nape.

He wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you close to his body, simply holding you close for a moment before surprising you as he lifts you up, your legs resting around his waist now. You chuckle and stare down at him, utterly in love as he carries you up the stairs and to your room.

After closing your room door he lets you fall on your bed, kicking off his shoes and proceeding to crawl over you, arms on each side of your head. "You look good," he mumbles, holding the intense eye contact until you break it, looking bashedly to the side.

"I do?" You ask and bite your lip to hide the smile he was usually the cause of. "Mhm," he hums before relaxing his arms and falling to lay next to you, groaning slightly as he tries to get comfortable. You turn on your side, noting his stiffness as he moves and slowly running a hand up his chest, to his neck.

"Everything okay? Back pain again?" You ask in a quiet tone, already expecting the gruff nod. "Yeah. And your mattress is too damn soft. Fucking sinking into this," he complains.

You laugh a bit at his comment and stroke your thumb along his jaw, noting the goosebumps rising on his skin at your touch. "Want me to give you a massage?" You suggest, eyes focused on his own.

He is quiet for a moment before letting one of his hands rest on your arm, head turned to look at you. "Sure you want to, love?" He asks, still unused to someone willingly doing nice things, like a simple massage, for him.

"Wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to," you assure and sit up, legs crossed. He scoots up until he's leaning against the headboard of your bed, eyes half lidded and roaming your body. "Other time. C'mere," he motions to his thighs. You settle into his lap, legs on either side of his thighs and palms on his chest.

"Like this?" You lilt, looking up into his eyes through your own lashes. He huffs a chuckle at that and hums, "yeah, just like that, princess."

Instead of him getting flustered at your actions it's you; with a shy grin you look down at your hands instead, avoiding his piercing eyes.

"Haven't seen you all day and you won't even look at me?" He teases, hand grasping your chin and tilting your head up gently. As soon as your eyes meet his again he bites his lip and moves his hand so it's resting on your cheek. "There's my pretty girl."

That makes you even more embarrassed and shy and you whine, weakly slapping his shoulder, "Stop!" He chuckles and shakes his head, "Nah. I'm enjoying this too much to stop."

With a slight pout you look up again, leaning your head into his warm but calloused palm. You keep the eye contact and place a loving kiss on the inside of his wrist, before a yawn interrupts you. He smiles and moves you around until you're both almost laying down.

He pulls you in, lazily kissing along your cheek until he reaches your lips. He playfully bites into your lower lip and then kisses you fully. You melt into his touch and kisses, moving your hands to each side of his neck.

You break the kiss after a few seconds, your jeans getting more uncomfortable by the second, the tight denim not made for chilling in bed. He lightly furrows his eyebrows in confusion, trying to kiss you again.

With an amused huff you peck the corner of his mouth and move off his lap. He grumbles unhappily and grasps your hips, keeping you on his lap.

"Where d'you think you're going?" His voice is as deep and raspy as ever, and you almost relent. However, the tight jeans are keeping you from being fully comfortable - you really had no clue how Billy seemed to live in his tight jeans without ever feeling uncomfortable.

"Lemme go change and we can continue?" You explain, taking his hands off your hips which he lets you do begrudgingly.

He moves to pull a cigarette from his pocket and almost has his lighter in hand when you pluck the Marlboro from his lips and flick it straight into the trash. "Those are fucking nasty, Billy. Not in my room." He groans and rolls his eyes, sassy as ever.

You don't mind him as you pull your shirt and bra off, your other clothes after. He'd seen you bare enough times that you couldn't care less, fully comfortable with him.

You turn to your closet, searching for some shorts and a shirt when he mumbles something, making you look up at him.

"You say something?" He smiles a little and shakes his head, "Just admiring the most beautiful girl in the world, hm." You throw a random pen at him at that cheesy comment and he effortlessly catches it and puts it on your nightstand.

He gets off the bed and moves behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist with his palms resting on your abdomen. There was nothing sexual about this, he was simply admiring the way you felt under his touch.

You lean into him for a second before finally finding some comfortable sleep clothes and putting everything on. "Lemme get something, too," he says and reaches past you and rummages through your dresser.

It's not long before he finds some clothes he left at yours sometime and changes into them. He ditches a shirt, opting for some sweats as he settles back in your bed. You lay down next to him as before, your fingers ghosting over some scars scattered along his torso.

He leans into your pillows, eyes closed and savoring your touch.

That's how the rest of the evening passes and you wouldn't have it any other way.

#stranger things #stranger things 4 #stranger things imagine #stranger things x reader #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove #dacre montgomery #dacre montgomery x reader

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cod-z · 1 month

Text

Lonely Pt. 2

Your media consumption isn't my responsibility | TW: Angst/Comfort, Alcohol usage, Isolation, Not taking care of self (Not Reader), Slight Manipulation (if you squint enough), sorry if I missed any-

Pairing(s): (Choose)141 x Reader

| One-shots | Pt. 1 | A/N: I'VE HAD THIS SONG ON LOOP FOR MAYBE 10-11 HOURS NOW!? How did I not go insane?

----------------------------------

Can’t believe I had a girl like you And I just let you walk right outta my life

He watches you pack your belongings, the burning sensation of the rage that he felt slowly fading away the more of your items disappeared from his drawers and closet till there were no traces left of you in your once shared bedroom, moving to the bathroom to gather your toiletries.

The shampoo that he had become accustomed to when you stayed over for the night, the body wash that always linger on you after a shower, letting him inhale the sweet fumes, the toothbrush that sat next to his, a mockery of a relationship that you both could have if he wasn’t such a coward to confess but rather hurt you instead. Watching you take the light pastel towel that was in your favourite colour, different tones to create a beautiful landscape if laid down. Soon the bathroom had become bare of your presence too.

After all I put you through You still stuck around and stayed by my side What really hurt me is I broke your heart Baby, you’re a good girl and I had no right

Packing the last of your things in the living, the weighted blanket that you had bought for the both of you, no longer on the sofa but in your arms as you shove it into your duffel bag. The realisation dawned on him. You were going to leave, you weren’t going to fight for the messed up relationship that he kept self-sabotaging. You were in love with him but the constant insecurities that he forced down upon you, suggesting what he could to get better, and without him wanting to change, it was tiring you - mentally, emotionally and physically, to the point you were getting unwell yourself.

Wide-eyes followed your every movement, his hand shooting up the moment you grabbed onto the handle and opening the door. The storm raging outside fit the same tension that was in the house that you had spent many nights in, his hand holding onto your forearm as his eyes pleads for you to stay. The excuse that left his mouth, being that he didn’t want you to get sick and wet which was half true but also because he doesn’t want you to leave. Leave him.

His hand leaves your forearm before placing it on the strap of your duffel bag, sliding it off as he nears your body till his chest touches your back, embracing you slowly. His arms sliding in between yours till they encased your waist and pulled you closer to him, his hands sliding down your arms and down to your hands as if you were a fragile flower that threatened to collapse on the wrong move.

I really wanna make things right ‘Cause without you in my life girl, I’m so

His breathing was steady, eyes focused on tracing his hands on your body, scared to frighten you off into the rainstorm that was outside, letting you disappear out of his life. Why couldn’t he be like this all the time with you? It would’ve saved you both from the heartaches and regrets that were to come, yet he continued what he had done.

Your bags were on the floor near the closed door, tucked away under the hanged coats, above yours and his shoes, both different styles and strangely they seem to correlate with one another. You lay next to him in the bed that you desperately wanted to escape, the memories too painful to even sleep as you smell the fresh sheets of him and a slight lingering scent of the broad that he had over 2 days ago, the stinging sensation in your eyes overwhelmed you.

Lonely (so lonely) I’m Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely) I have nobody (I have nobody) For my own (to call my own girl)

You love him but you know he doesn’t feel the same even when his actions felt like it, but you know the truth. It hurts when the person you love doesn’t love you back, but it hurts even more when they pretend that they do.

Slipping away from the bulk of his arms you tacitly and silently change back into your attire, worm your way down the stairs as quietly as you could finally reaching the end of the stairs, your hand wraps around the handles of your bags while slinging your duffel bag over your shoulders once more. You stare up at the darkened hallway up the stairs, the tears threatening to fall but you held them back, your head moving directing to the door, you take a deep breathe in as you grasp the handle - pushing it down, the door gaping, finally disappearing into the downpour of the night - the door closing behind you.

I’m so lonely (so lonely) I’m Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely) I have nobody (I have nobody) For my own (to call my own girl) I am so lonely

Morning light seeps through the condensed windows, droplets of the aftermath that the storm left behind, slid down the window panes, sparkles of the light shining through the droplets creating soft refractions painting it on the walls.

The fluorescent light looming over his form, creating shadows on the walls, the rays shining over his eyes, disturbing him to wake. His hair was a messed up from his slumber as he oscitate while he stretched his limbs, half turning his body to place his arm around you, his hand meeting the softness of the empty mattress next to him.

Been all about the world, ain’t never met a girl That can take the things that you been through Never thought the day would come where you’d get up and run And I would be out chasing you

Never had he moved so fast in his life, including missions that he has been on, not even when his own life was in danger, his blurry image ran into room after room till the entire second floor was searched twice for your form. His heart flurried with a storm of emotions, his mind and heart yelling at him that he was too late, that he had lost you, that you were never coming back to him.

To his dismay the entire house was cleared of your existence.

His body was still tense, still waiting for you to open the doors that you walked out of to come back to his arms, but his body had already accepted that you were gone, he took his time and played with your heart and you were gone. As realisation creeps in his body went auto-pilot, no longer being aware that he was slowly walking towards the sofa, figments of the past tormenting him as he sees a faded glow of both of your figures sitting there, coddling each other in your blanket.

The past forms dispersing the moment he sits down, planting his head into his hands, his broad shoulders shaking as he lets out the tears that had been trapped behind his facade. He felt the room around him crumble, the paint on the walls chipping off, his house slowly being sucked into the void, the accessories in the room disintegrating into thin air till it was just him and the sofa in the void.

‘Cause ain’t nowhere in the globe I’d rather be Ain’t no one in the globe I’d rather see Than the girl of my dreams that made me be So happy but now so lonely Lonely (so lonely) I’m Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely) I have nobody (I have nobody) For my own (to call my own girl) I’m so lonely (so lonely)

Drink in his hand, the muffled yet blaring sound of ‘Lonely’ by Akon echoes around him even when he leaves his room for the first time in a couple of weeks, heading to the bar you both had met. His thoughts of bumping into you clouded his mind, false hope making him delusional as each person that had a similar aspect of you made him jolt, but only to be brought to disappointment when their face wasn’t yours.

His head-accessory hid the bird’s nest that was his hair while covering the tired bags underneath his eyes, his complexion had become pale from the lack of sun since he had closed his blinds when you had left that night, afraid to face the storms alone.

I’m so lonely (so lonely) I’m Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely) I have nobody (I have nobody) For my own (to call my own girl) I am so lonely

Kicked out of the bar again, the fifth time this week. He had become a shell of the man you once knew, no longer the player that he was but an alcoholic that wants to forget the world and yet he can’t. You were his world. He was just an idiot who didn’t realise it sooner, then you were gone when the moon had shone down the path to the white light, away from him.

Never thought that I’d be alone I didn’t think you’d be gone this long I just want you to call my phone So stop playing girl and come home

His body laid on the cold, dirtied concrete, similar to him, both his past and present self, a pathetic man that never noticed the gem that he had in his palm till it rolled away from him and slipped into the mountainous of rocks that he got you out from. 1 in a billion, you were. He was the bastard who had covered you in soot and proclaimed you as just another rock that was throwable, not needing the proper care to shine and he regrets it.

He sobs on the ground, wetting the slab beneath him, the nightly breeze biting his skin as people walk around him. A couple passed him, the female looking at him with pity though her partner averted her gaze, whispering that he was a lost cause, and how he couldn’t agree more with the stranger. He was a lost cause. He was without you.

His regrets were mixed with the rain water, then another and another, till the rain was pelting his figure to the ground, falling quicker and harder than the tears he shed. The memories you leave that night. He wonders if you had made it to somewhere safe in this condition, you were so much stronger than him, walking out, probably holding tears back, carrying your heavy bags in the downpour in the middle of the night. He gathers himself on his knees, ignoring the pain in his knees as he screams in anguish:

“Baby girl, I didn’t mean to shout I want me and you to work it out…”

His head slumps forward with the wetness of his hair, his head-accessory gone when he was thrown out, his words becoming the sobbing mess it was before. His knees planted on the ground, his hands lurching forward to the ground, his sobs reducing to hiccups and voice cracks as he cries out your name.

“I never wished to ever hurt my baby And it’s drivin’ me crazy ‘cause I’m so…”

He lets out a sob, his thick tears no longer recognisable as the rain had drenched him in his breakdown.

A shadow looms over him, the rain coming to a sudden stop over him, his darkened eyes landing on a pair of familiar shoes, it couldn’t be. His eyes followed up the figure, recognisable features that he came to know over the years being refreshed before his eyes were acquainted with yours. His breath hitched in his throat, his mouth agape.

“Lonely…” (so lonely) I’m Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely) I have nobody (I have nobody) For my own (to call my own girl)

He looked at you as if you were an ethereal being that you had graced him with your being, his eyes sparkling as if you had a halo that ringed around your head. You reached out a hand for him to take. This couldn’t be real, he thought to himself, you were gone for so long and yet here you were in your glorious ambience.

His wet, bitter, rough hand shakingly covers yours, afraid that if he was too forward with his movements you’d disappear again, choked sobs and gasps of disbelief rang between the both of you.

I’m so lonely (so lonely) I’m Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely) I have nobody (I have nobody) For my own (to call my own girl) I am so lonely

He lets out a whimper before drawing back, you weren’t there, surely you weren’t. He had hurt you, you wouldn’t come back to him, his thoughts being interrupted as you take his hand in yours. Comfort, soft yet firm, reassuring as you caressed his hand with your thumb.

A loud whimper leaves his throat before getting off the ground, slightly tackling you into a hug, surprising you as you lift the umbrella so he wouldn’t hit it and you didn’t mind the dampness that came onto your clothes. One of your arms gently wraps around him, gently soothing his back as he silently cries into your shoulder, a small smile lifting on the edges of your lips never seeing him this vulnerable.

So lonely (lonely) So lonely (so lonely) Mr. Lonely (lonely) So lonely (so lonely)

You welcome him into your arms, letting the pitter-patter of rain engulf you both, the street lights dimly lighting the both of you, the empty streets giving you both the privacy that you need to comfort him. Neither of you spoke, letting the actions speak the words that were needed.

So lonely (lonely) So lonely (so lonely) So lonely Mr. Lonely

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eddiemunsons80sbaby · 26 days

Text

Never Say Never

Chapter 17

Pairing: SingleDad!StevexReader

Summary: You are a 32 year old single mother, raising your seven year old son on your own. After being widowed at 30 and going out on awful dates with disgusting men for the past month, you have decided that you're giving up. You already had your great love. One person can't possibly get lucky enough to have two in their lifetime. But then your son starts playing baseball and the coach might just change your mind about that.

No posting schedule.

18+ only for eventual smut

Word Count: 8.5K

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16

“There she is. Welcome back, sweetheart.”

You fought through the fog to find the cheery face of a woman looking down at you, a woman you didn’t think you recognized but it was hard to tell when everything was so hazy. Your eyes blinked slowly, your lids feeling heavy. The face above you slowly came into focus, warm brown eyes that crinkled sweetly at the corners, a halo of short curly brown hair on top of her head. Who was this woman?

“That cute man of yours has been awfully worried. I had to practically chase him out of here to get something to eat. He was nodding off in the chair just waiting for you to wake up. He’s down in the cafeteria but I expect he’ll be back soon. He didn’t seem keen on leaving you.”

Cafeteria? Worried? You pressed your fists into the mattress beneath you, pushing yourself up. The woman talking to you was wearing scrubs, a badge hanging on them identifying her as Nurse Kathleen. You slowly took in your surroundings, the stark white walls, the uncomfortable bed beneath you, the chart hanging on the wall, the privacy curtain pulled back behind you.

“Oh no…” you groaned, your head flopping back against the pillow that somehow managed to be both too flat and too lumpy at the same time.

It all came rushing back to you. Steve asked you to stay the night with him and then told you the next logical step in your relationship would be to move in together. His words had sent you spiraling, nothing to grab onto, no time to complete your usual ritual, your body completely outside of your control. And then everything had gone black.

Your hands came to your face, running down slowly, mortified that you'd fallen apart in front of him again. And not just fallen apart, but fallen apart because he’d been baring his soul to you. He’d been telling you that he wanted you to share his bed, his home, his life with him. He’d been telling you he wanted to be a family. He’d been asking you to commit to him, the way he’d already chosen to commit to you and instead of assuring him, you'd completely unraveled. Way to ruin the moment. No, you didn’t even ruin it. You completely bulldozed it.

“Hey, it’s alright,” Nurse Kathleen assured, perching on the edge of the bed, her hand coming to your knee over the itchy blanket draped on top of your bare legs. “Anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of. It happens to the best of us.”

No. It didn’t. Most people didn’t black out because their boyfriend started talking about a future with them. Most people didn’t wind up taking an ambulance ride because the perfect guy was declaring his commitment. Most people didn’t wind up in a hospital bed because they couldn’t handle a serious conversation. Most people were able to control their emotions, to take the blows and surprises that came with life in stride, and move on. But not you. No. You had to have a meltdown.

What was Steve thinking right now? He was probably thinking he’d made a huge mistake hooking up with someone fragile enough to come apart at the drop of a hat. He was probably thinking you didn’t want this as much as he did. Because if you did, why would the very thought of it cause a medical situation?

But you did want it. You did. Why had your body reacted like that? Why had it betrayed you during what was such a pivotal moment in your relationship? Why couldn’t you just have opened your mouth and told him you did want all of that? You wanted to fall asleep next to him each night and wake up next to him in the morning. You wanted to be a family. You wanted to commit to him. You were already committed to him.

Yeah. It was soon but he was right. You just didn’t want to get Eli’s hopes up if this relationship wasn’t going anywhere. But it was. Hadn’t Steve shown you that it was? That he was one hundred percent in it? That he wanted you and everything that came with it?

So why had you fallen apart? Why had you felt the walls closing in on you? Why had the air escaped your lungs? Why had you blacked out? You didn’t have an answer and that only angered you even more. How could you not have an answer when it was your body?

“Anyway, you should be right as rain now. I expect they’ll be releasing you any minute.”

“What?” you responded, having had no idea what the nurse had just told you, too caught up in your own pity party.

“I said we gave you a little sedative to help calm your system down. It allowed you to take a nice little rest and allowed everything to relax. But Dr. Carth should be in soon and I expect he’ll be releasing you as long as you’re feeling okay enough to go home.”

“Oh…thanks…”

You looked up at the sound of a knock to find Janice in the doorway. Your best friend covered the space in no time, rushing in and wrapping her arms around you. Your head dropped, forehead resting against Janice’s shoulder, relishing in the comfort only your best friend could provide. Your best friend who had been by your side, who had seen you at your darkest, who had breathed with you through multiple attacks, who had encouraged you to go talk to someone.

“Hey babe. You okay?”

You pulled your head back, finding Janice’s eyes, full of concern, full of memories of your descent into a pit you never thought you'd claw your way back from. You nodded, your hands wrapping around her friend’s forearms as Nurse Kathleen excused herself, quietly leaving the two friends alone.

“What the hell happened?” asked Janice, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. “You haven’t had an episode this bad in forever.”

“How did you know I was here?”

“Steve called me. He said that you’d had an attack and he couldn’t bring you out of it. He said you blacked out and he had the boys call 911. He sounded terrified. Scared the shit out of me.”

“The boys…” Your eyes widened. “Where are…”

“Robin’s with them. They’re fine. Steve called her after he called 911 to see if she could come stay with them. He didn’t think you’d want Eli hanging around the hospital.”

“Shit! Eli’s probably freaking out!”

You'd done it again. You swore you were done with it but you'd terrified your son again, twice in a mere matter of weeks after doing so well for over a year. He was probably sitting in Steve’s house, worried, not understanding what was happening.

“No. He’s okay. I called him after Steve called to give me an update. I assured him that you were alright, that the doctors were taking really good care of you, and you’d be back home in the morning. Steve said they didn’t really see a reason to keep you once they got your heart rate and breathing under control.”

“Where’s Steve? Is he still here?”

Or had he left as soon as he could? That was the part you couldn’t bring yourself to voice. Had he called Janice to come up to the hospital and sit with you so he could safely get the hell away from you and your insanity? Not that you'd blame him. He’d asked you to spend the night and you'd broken in half like a graham cracker. So easy to crumble, the slightest pressure and you were snapping.

“He’s downstairs,” Janice answered. “He was talking to Nancy on the phone when I got here. I am sure he’ll be back up but he was going to give us a little time first. So, back to my original question that you have yet to answer. What in the hell happened?”

“I don’t know,” you groaned, dropping back against the bed, fingers slipping into your hair. “He asked me to stay the night. He said all our reasoning for waiting wasn’t a reason anymore because we’d both said we were in it. He said what was the big deal because we would share a bed when we moved in together which would be the logical next step. And I just spiraled. Janice, I couldn’t do anything. There was no time to look at things or hear things or feel things. It was on me, completely taking over. I couldn’t breathe. It was so damn fast. None of the tools I’ve learned were any help because I was already in the vortex of it as fast as it began.”

“Okay.” Janice’s fingers pressed against her lips. “So, did you not want to stay the night? Is this all moving too quickly for you? Did him talking about that freak you out?”

“I don’t know. That’s what pisses me off. I have no idea why it happened. I mean, I love him. I do. I want all of that with him. I want to stay the night with him. I want us to live together…I mean, eventually. I don’t know. It is fast. Right? Isn’t it? We’ve only been seeing each other for a little over a month. We’ve only known each other for like two months. I do worry about Eli. I don’t want to make some big move and then have it all fall apart around us. I can’t bear to watch his heart broken all over again. But I do want it.”

“Do you? Because your brain obviously doesn’t agree with your words.”

You growled in frustration, fingers curling in your hair, tugging. You did want it. Didn’t you? You loved Steve. You loved the way his hand always found yours when you were close, completely swallowing it in his large grip. You loved the way he put on shades and danced around, pretending to be Tom Cruise in Risky Business. You loved the way he was so patient with Eli. You loved the way he made you feel safe and secure and like you were the most precious thing in the world to him. You loved him. You wanted this. You wanted him.

“I do!” you insisted, not sure who you were trying to convince more, Janice or yourself. “I do. I don’t why the hell my body reacted like that. I don’t know why his words caused that. I want him. Janice, I want him.”

Your friend’s hands landed on your shoulders, pressing down, centering you as your heart rate kicked up, the machine next to you beeping incessantly. You closed your eyes, inhaling through your nose and blowing it out slowly through your mouth. They were about to release you. You had to calm yourself down. You did not need to give them a reason to keep you.

“Okay. Okay. I believe you. But hon, something is sending mixed signals. Some wires are getting crossed or something. There is something that is sending you into frantic mode at the thought of taking that next step with him. You have to figure out what it is.” Janice’s fingers slid under your left palm, lifting it up to your face. Your wedding band sparkled under the fluorescent lights of the hospital room. “Maybe you should start here.”

“I…but…this is…Justin…” you stammered.

“Yeah. It’s your wedding ring. The ring that Justin gave you. The ring that a man who is no longer around gave you. You’re still wearing it and it’s been two years since you lost him. Two years next week, hon. Do you think maybe that has something to do with your attack?”

Your eyes moved to the whiteboard across the room, the date written across the top, May 17, 1996. You swallowed. You'd been so swept up in this new relationship, in the excitement of it, your little bubble of joy and happiness, that it had completely slipped your mind that the anniversary of Justin’s death was coming up. He died on May 23, 1994. The worst day of your life. No. That wasn’t right. You hadn’t known then. The worst day was May 24, 1994 when two officers showed up on your doorstep.

Could that be why the attack happened? Could that be why it came on so strong and so quick? Your subconscious remembered somehow and was punishing you for forgetting, something you swore you'd never do. How could you forget? How could you not have remembered? Had everything you'd told Judith been a lie? Were you just allowing Steve to slip right in and replace Justin? Allowing yourself to forget him because you were more concerned with your own happiness?

“How could I…” you whispered, silent tears spilling from your eyes and rolling down your cheeks. “Oh my god, Janice. How could I just forget him like that?”

“Oh sweetie, don’t do that. It’s okay.”

“It’s not!”

“It is. Babe, you’re allowed to be happy. I haven’t seen you smile this much in two years. Steve makes you happy. You didn’t forget Justin. You forgot about a date. A date that is filled with nothing but pain and sadness. It’s not a date you should be focusing on anyway. Focus on the good ones. The day you went on your first date, the day you got married, the day you moved into your new house, the day you had Eli…those are the dates you want to remember. It’s not a bad thing that someone made you happy enough to forget about your pain.”

“But I swore that I wouldn’t forget. I swore that I wouldn’t let Steve replace him.”

“He’s not. He’s not replacing anybody. Look, when people lose a dog, they’re so sad. They go out and get another dog. It’s not to replace the one they’ve lost. It’s because they miss the companionship. They miss the love the dog brought to their life. They’re not forgetting their other dog. They’re simply trying to mend their broken heart with more love. That’s all you’re doing. You’re mending your broken heart by allowing Steve to pick up the pieces and reassemble them. It won’t look the same and it won’t fully heal the injury that was inflicted but it will soften it. You’ll never be the same but why would you want to? This new version of you is the one that gets to start a new chapter with the guy you love now.”

Your breath shuddered, your hands clasping together. You thought you'd dealt with all of this. You thought you were ready to move on but some part of you must have been holding on. Some part of you was not letting the past go and that part had reared its head, made itself be known, when Steve had merely mentioned the idea of taking the next step. He hadn’t even been saying you should do it now. He’d only hinted that it was what would come next.

“You don’t have to forget him, babe, but you do have to let him go. And I mean actually let him go. You’re never going to be able to give yourself to Steve fully, the way he deserves, until you do. And I don’t think your brain has gotten that message which tells me you haven’t. The attack you had tonight tells me you haven’t.” She grabbed your hand, lifting it again. “This tells me you haven’t.”

You nodded, finger and thumb coming to your ring, twirling it back and forth, remembering when Justin had slipped it on your finger. It had been a beautiful fall day. You'd always wanted a fall wedding and Mother Nature had cooperated fully, only cementing the fact in your mind that you and Justin were meant to be. So many people had told you that you couldn’t plan an outdoor wedding in October because the weather would be too unpredictable. But the sun had shown down on you, a warm breeze ruffling your hair, as you'd promised to love one another until death do they part.

Justin got to keep that promise. But you weren't gone yet. Maybe his death nullified that vow but you had no intention of breaking it. You would love him until you took your last breath. But that didn’t mean you couldn’t love Steve as well. The heart wasn’t some box of a predetermined size. It could expand exponentially to fill with as much love as you could carry. And these days, you had a lot to fill it with.

“I will. I…”

“Hey there.”

Hastily wiping your cheeks with the back of her hand, you managed to smile up at Steve, who stood in the doorway awkwardly, like he wasn’t sure if he should be there or not.

“Sorry. If I’m interrupting, I can…” He hooked his thumb behind him.

“No, no,” Janice insisted, shaking her head. “I was just getting ready to go get some coffee and see where this doctor is.” She stood, patting your shin gently. “I’ll track him down so we can get the paperwork rolling to get you the hell out of here. I promised my nephew that his mom would be home in the morning.”

“Thanks.” You reached for her hand, squeezing it tightly, your insides squeezing just as tightly when your friend walked out, leaving you and Steve alone.

He pressed his lips together, barely stepping into the room. Leaning back against the wall just to the right of the door, he propped one foot over the other, eyes down on the floor. The sight tugged painfully at your heart, knowing you'd given him reason to doubt. Reason to believe that you weren't one hundred percent in, reason to think that you would cut and run at a moment’s notice. All of this tension was completely your fault.

“How are you feeling?” he asked at the same moment you hurriedly said, “I’m so sorry.” Steve paused, his eyes flicking up to yours.

“I’m so sorry,” you repeated. “I’m so sorry that happened. I don’t know what happened. I couldn’t stop it. Usually I can focus on something. You know? But this came on so fast and I didn’t mean to scare you and I didn’t mean to scare the boys and I…”

“It’s okay,” he tried but you cut him off.

“No it’s not. I thought I had come so far. It had been over a year since I’d had a full blown attack and I’ve had two since I’ve known you.”

“Well, that’s not reassuring.” His head turned, looking out the window at a group of birds flying by. “Am…am I causing you anxiety?” Those hazel eyes fixed on you but he didn’t make a move to come any closer. “Is being with me causing you anxiety?”

You sighed, blinking back tears, “Yes.”

“Great.” He nodded, lips pouting to the side.

“But not like you think. You don’t cause me anxiety. You make me so happy. The first time it happened I was just panicking because your friends were talking about us being a couple and I wasn’t even sure you wanted that. Hell, I wasn’t sure I wanted that. My head was in such a weird place. I was worried about Eli and I was worried what it meant if I liked you. And this time, it wasn’t you. It was…”

“Me pushing you,” he finished for you, his chest rising with a deep inhale. “I was pushing you to move faster than you’re ready for. Look, I didn’t mean we should move in together now.” A harsh laugh shook his body, teeth raking over his bottom lip. “I mean, that would be insane. Obviously I don’t want to move in together any time in the near future.”

“You…you don’t?”

“No,” he scoffed. “We’ve only been dating for a little over a month. That would be completely insane. We don’t even know each other that well yet, right? Besides, I like my space. I’m not ready to give that all up yet. I mean, someday…maybe, yeah, but not anytime soon.”

Your chest felt like someone had dropped a buffalo on it, the weight pressing down, your heart that had just begun to mend starting to crack at his words. But what did you expect? After the way you'd acted, you'd expected this. You'd expected him to pull away, to put the car in reverse and slam his foot down on the pedal.

It was soon. But that didn’t seem to be how he felt last night. He’d been trying to convince you that it wasn’t too soon, that only you could decide how soon. How quickly he’d changed his mind. How quickly his feelings had changed when he was faced with what he’d be dealing with if he moved forward with you. Something he’d told you he could handle but obviously couldn’t.

“Hey!” Janice exclaimed, bouncing into the room. “Good news! I tracked down the doc and he’s on his way in to release you.”

“Great,” you replied with as much excitement as you could muster. “I’m ready to go home.”

“So, how are we doing this? Steve taking you back to his place or…?”

“No. I just want to go home,” you mumbled. “I…Steve should get back for the boys. Could you just take me home so I can get my car and go get Eli?”

Janice frowned, “Honey, I don’t think you should be driving right now. Doc says you should rest. He put a call into Dr. Watson and let her know what happened. She wants to see you as soon as possible to talk about your meds.”

“Okay. I’ll…I’ll call her on Monday. I can drive. I just…”

“I’ll bring Eli to your house,” Steve said. “If you want Janice to take you home, I’ll go get Eli and bring him to you.”

“Okay, what is happening right now?” your friend asked suspiciously, looking between the two of you.

“Nothing. I’m just…I’m really tired after everything and I just want to go home and sleep.”

“Well, then why don’t I drop you off and then I go get Eli and bring him so he can see you for a minute and know you’re okay? And then I can take him and he can stay with me and Matt for the day so you can relax.You know you’re not getting any relaxation with that kid around. Besides, Matt’s been dying to get him back to the batting cages.”

“That’s fine,” you agreed, not having the energy to argue.

“Alright. Well, then I’ll go back to the house to let the boys know everything’s good and you’re fine.” Steve rocked on his heels awkwardly, clearly uncertain as to what he should do. Would he kiss your forehead sweetly like he usually did? Would he hug you? “I’m really glad you’re okay.”

Nope. None of the above. He maneuvered around Janice and made his way out the door with barely a backwards wave. That pressure on your chest slithered down into your stomach, boulders settling in, the reality of what was happening threatening to crush you.

“What the hell did I miss in the five minutes I was gone?” asked Janice.

You didn’t answer, simply laid back on the bed, draping your hand over your face. One month of building something that looked like it might last and you'd shattered it all in one night.

____________________________________________________________

“Daddy! We’re here!”

Jeremiah came barreling through the door, instantly colliding with Miles who had been racing through the house to greet his favorite little guy. The kid fell backward and Miles was on him in an instant, covering his face with sloppy kisses while Jere squealed and laughed.

Nancy walked in behind him, Jeremiah’s backpack slung over one shoulder, which she dropped down onto the floor. Miles bounded over to her and she crouched down, scratching the massive beast behind his ears and pressing a kiss to his snout.

Jeremiah leapt up from the ground, eyes shining when he saw the snack that Steve had been preparing for him. “Oreos and milk! Yes!” His feet pounded over the hardwood in his race to get to the table.

“Thanks for picking him up for me,” Steve told Nancy.

“No problem.” Rising to her feet, she brushed her hands down the front of her jeans in a pointless attempt to rid them of dog hair. “But why couldn’t you get him today?”

“Oh…uh…” He turned his back on her, placing the Oreos back into the cabinet as his brain scrambled for a reasonable excuse as to why he didn’t pick up his son. “Meeting. Yeah. Meeting about the new development. We’re breaking ground next week and we had to…you know, flesh some things out. Make sure it’s all going to run smoothly.”

“Uh-huh…”

She didn’t believe him. He could tell she didn’t believe him. Maybe they hadn’t been right for each other but he knew Nancy. He knew all her tones, gestures, and facial expressions and she knew his. And her tone right now was letting him know that she knew something was up.

Steve dropped into the chair next to Jeremiah, eager to get the focus off of himself, “How was school today?”

“It was good,” Jere shrugged before shoving a milk soaked cookie into his mouth.

“Just good? No stories to tell today?” Steve urged, needing his son to tell one of his long drawn-out stories of second grade drama. He needed something, anything, to get Nancy’s eyes to stop focusing on him.

“Well, Brent is finally being nice to everybody.”

“Oh yeah? That’s great!”

His son rolled his eyes, “I guess. But he’s only being nice because nobody would play with him anymore. Even Travis and Ricky stopped playing with him because he started calling them names and being really mean to them too.”

“Isn’t that a good thing? That he’s being nice?”

“I don’t know. Is he only going to be nice until everyone plays with him again and then he will be mean again? I think we should just keep ignoring him because he’s a bully. Beth asked him to swing with her today and he used to steal her food and tell her she was fat! Why would she even want to play with someone like that? I don’t think we should just forget all the bad stuff he did.”

“You don’t forget,” Nancy told him, stepping into the kitchen to take the chair on the other side of their son. “But you can forgive. If he’s genuinely trying to change, that’s a good thing. Sometimes even the biggest jerks can change for the better and turn out to be pretty good guys.”

She smirked at Steve, one eyebrow lifting knowingly and he pressed his lips together, putting his head down. He would never live down his King Steve days, walking around like he owned the school, picking on those he saw as inferior to himself, including his ex-wife’s current husband. He was a Brent at one time and that thought disgusted him, the idea of who he used to be, but it was something he swore he’d never be again.

“Yeah but what if he hasn’t really changed? What if he’s just pretending so we all play with him again and then, bam! He’s back to being a big, fat jerk!”

“Well, you’ll have to wait and see. If he goes back to being a jerk, then you all refuse to allow it again. But maybe you all showing him that you would not accept his behavior was enough to change him. Maybe he realized if he kept acting like that he would be all alone and he’s really trying to do better. Sometimes when someone sees how it feels to be the person who’s being treated badly, they see how wrong it is.”

“Maybe…” Jeremiah didn’t sound entirely convinced.

“Regardless, just because he was mean doesn't make it right for you to be mean back. You all ignored him because you were standing up for yourself and that’s okay but if you do it now, then you’re being just as mean as he was. You should at least give him a chance to show you that he’s trying.”

“I guess. Eli doesn’t trust him either. Brent asked Eli who his favorite superhero was at lunch and Eli just walked away from him. He said Brent was probably just asking so he could make fun of him for it. But I’ll tell him we should at least try to be his friend. But if he does it again, I will never be his friend.”

“I think that’s fair. You’re giving him a chance to show he is sorry. If he doesn’t show that, then you shouldn’t give him any more chances,” Steve stated. “I’m really proud of you two for getting everyone to stand up to him. You not only stood up for yourselves but for others and that’s something to be proud of. You’re growing into a good little human, kid. There’s not much else I could ask for as a dad.”

“Where do you think he’s getting that?” asked Nancy and when he just looked at her, she laughed, rolling her eyes. “He’s learning from you. You don’t hesitate to stand up for others. And you always do the right thing by the people you care about. You’re one of the bravest people I know. Our son has a pretty amazing role model to look up to.”

Her words hit him, a blow to the chest that almost knocked him back off his chair. Because he wasn’t doing the right thing by someone he cared an awful lot about right now and he knew it. He was hiding and avoiding instead of facing it because he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to know what was on the other side of the curtain he was concealing himself behind. There was nothing brave about it.

“Hey daddy. Can Eli come over tonight? We haven’t played together, besides at school, since his mommy had to go to the hospital.”

Nancy’s brows shot up her forehead at this revelation. Those stormy blue eyes were fixed on him, her arms folding on top of the table. Shit. His son had just ratted him out, whether he’d meant to or not, and there would be no getting out of this now. When Nance had her laser fixed on you, there was no escape.

“Hey Jere, don’t you have some homework to do?” Nancy asked.

“Yeah, but daddy didn’t say if Eli could come over.”

“Not tonight buddy, okay? But we’ll make sure he comes over soon.”

“Why not?” Jere demanded. “We saw each other every day and now I haven’t hung out with him in four days. Are you and his mom fighting? Did you break up? Because Eli said he asked her last night when we were going to see them again and she said she didn’t know. Why wouldn’t she know? Did you mess up?”

“It’s complicated. Look…”

“Jeremiah, I need you to go upstairs and do your homework, okay?” Nancy stated calmly, letting her son know that there would be no more arguing. “Your dad and I need to talk and then we will talk about Eli and his mom and when you can see them later.”

“Fine,” his son growled, angrily dropping his cup and plate into the sink. He grabbed his backpack by the strap, dragging it behind him, his feet stomping loudly on each stair to make certain they knew just how unhappy he was.

Nancy stayed quiet, her eyes on the stairs until they heard the slam of Jeremiah’s door, an exclamation point on his anger and annoyance at being dismissed. Certain their son would not overhear, she turned to Steve, hands clasping on top of the table.

“Alright, spill. What’s going on?”

Steve put on the best clueless face he could manage, lips mashed together, eyes wide and confused, head shaking side to side. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Nance.”

“Oh cut the bullshit, Steve Harrington. I’ve known you for way too long to buy that. You are head over heels for this girl. I’ve never seen you so gone for anyone and you really expect me to believe you haven’t seen her for four days and nothing’s going on?”

“I don’t know what to tell you,” he shrugged, drumming his fingers on the tabletop.

“How about the truth?”

Damn Nancy and her perceptive nature. He sighed, sinking further down in the chair, resigning himself to having to tell her what was going on. She wouldn’t leave until he did.

“Fine. The truth is, I thought she felt the same way about me that I did about her but she doesn’t, okay? I thought she wanted forever. I thought she saw this as a long term, endgame kind of thing, but she clearly doesn’t so what’s the point in continuing it?”

“What in the hell are you talking about?” hissed Nancy. “Are you out of your mind? I’ve seen the way that girl looks at you. She’s just as crazy about you as you are about her.”

“She’s not. Trust me.” He shoved back from the table roughly, standing up, hands on his hips, back to Nancy.

“What made you think this? What happened? I know she had that bad anxiety attack but…”

“Yeah. She had that anxiety attack after I asked her to spend the night with me. After I mentioned that the next step for us would be moving in together. And look, I know it was fast and I know I do that all the time.” His hands flailed uncontrollably as he paced back and forth, feeling all the threads that held him together coming unraveled as he poured out his soul. “I probably shouldn’t have even mentioned something like that yet. But Nance, I’ve never felt the way I do about her. I…it’s not like the way I love baseball or a medium rare steak or hitting the snooze button an extra time in the morning. She consumes me. She’s all I can think about. When she’s with me I never want to let her go and when she’s gone I just want to be with her again. It’s like I’m in free fall and I’m scared to death I’m just going to splat on the ground. I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want her.”

His fingers moved roughly through his hair, his feet stopping. Steve turned to Nancy, chest heaving, his hands curling around the top of the chair, to find her wide eyed, jaw almost to the table.

“Wow…okay…I mean, I knew you really liked her but you’re completely in love with her.” Her tongue traced the seam of her lips, fingers coming to her chin. “You’re in really deep, aren’t you?”

“I’m fucking drowning, Nance. I’m out here in the waves being thrown about, water filling my lungs, holding my hand out to her but she’s not going to take it.”

“You don’t know that, Steve.”

“I do! I do know that. Why would the idea of moving in with me send her into an anxiety attack unless the very thought was too much for her to handle? And I’m just going to keep sinking in the endless ocean if I don’t get out now until it’s too late and I am destroyed. Stuck on the bottom like the Titanic until I rot and pieces of me fall off and everything that was good about me is rusted and decayed!”

“Wow…you know King Steve really was the perfect nickname for you.”

His eyes shot over to her, annoyed, “Excuse me?”

“King Steve, as in drama king. Jesus, Steve. The girl struggles with anxiety. She has no control over when it happens and you’ve made it all about you. You’ve convinced yourself that this mental illness she struggles with has anything to do with you. How about you make your way out of the deep end and head back over to the shallows with the rest of us Mr. Swim Captain?”

“I’m not saying it’s all about me but it’s called an anxiety attack because it’s triggered by anxiety, right? Which means the idea of moving in with me someday caused her to have anxiety. Doesn’t exactly scream that she’s excited at the idea of a future with me.”

“Maybe she is. I mean, did you even talk to her about it?”

“No,” he scoffed. “I’d just sent her to the damn hospital, Nance! That was on me and my big mouth. So I assured her I didn’t mean now. I didn’t want to move in together now. I told her that would be crazy, that I wasn’t ready, that I like my space. I didn’t want to send her into another attack.”

Nancy’s hand covered her face, a deep groan audible from behind it, “You are such an idiot, Steve Harrington.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Trying to keep her calm makes me an idiot? She clearly didn’t want to be around me. She asked her friend, Janice, to take her home. She wanted no part of coming back here.”

“And that couldn’t have been because you’d just made it sound like she was invading your bachelor lifestyle, could it? “

“What? No! I…” Had that been what he’d said? No. He hadn’t said that, not in so many words, but could that have been how you'd taken it? “Okay. Maybe not the best way to word it but I just didn’t want to upset her again. I panicked, okay? I’d just had to call 911. I’d watched her struggle to breathe, Nance. It was terrifying. I didn’t want to say anything that could set her off again.”

“She’s not a rocket, Steve. There’s no fuse to light. You will never know what is going to cause it because she probably doesn’t know. So, let me get this straight. The girl has an anxiety attack, one that is so bad that she has to be taken to the hospital. She’s scared, obviously, and probably nervous about what you’re thinking. Not to mention embarrassed that it happened in front of you, again, if I’m correct. And then you tell her that you don’t want her invading your space and haven’t called her in four days to even see how she’s doing and are such a wuss that you send me to pick up Jere on your day so you don’t have to see her? This sounds like how an adult handles things to you?”

“Well, I…I mean…”

But what does he mean? He doesn’t even know. Nancy’s right. He didn’t even give you a chance to explain. You apologized to him and he just shut you down, his fear rising up, stacking bricks in front of him in an effort to protect himself because he was terrified. Terrified of the power you had to completely annihilate him with just a few words.

“I’m scared,” he admitted, chewing on his lower lip, closing his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see the pity he was sure was all over Nancy’s face. “I’m scared of how bad it will hurt if…when she decides to leave me.”

“I know you are. But Steve, that’s the risk you take. You can’t be with someone, truly give yourself to them, without there being the risk that you could have your heart broken. Even now, there is always a risk that Jonathan could walk out the door. He could wake up one morning and tell me he doesn’t feel the same. So what do I do? Choose to walk away first? Choose to be alone just in case? But alone is lonely, Steve. If you want this, you’re going to have to accept the risk that comes with it.”

“But what if…”

“What if what? What if you get hit by a bus tomorrow? What if a plane crashes into the middle of town? What if aliens invade or there’s a zombie apocalypse? You can play the what if game forever if you want. But it won’t get you the one thing you really want. It won’t get you her. It won’t get you happiness. It won’t get that happily ever after you’ve been chasing for years. All it will get you is you talking yourself right out of this. She's already suffered loss. Don’t make her lose you too. Not when she doesn’t have to. Not when it’s just your own ego and fear that’s in the way.”

“Okay but what if…” He held up his hand when Nancy opened her mouth, ready to interrupt him again. “What if I go to her and she tells me this was all a mistake? What if she says that the mention of moving in together just showed her she’s not sure she really wants this? What then?”

“Then at least you know instead of sitting around here moping and sending me to pick up our kid like I’m your personal chauffeur. Wouldn’t it be better to know? Because if you don’t, you’re going to spend the rest of your life wondering.”

Would it be better to know? Steve wasn’t so sure. It depended on what you had to say.

___________________________________________________________

Four days…four days and absolutely nothing from Steve. You wanted to scream into the void, to pound your fists against the wall, to throw things and feel the satisfaction of watching them smash into pieces. But you couldn’t. Your son was downstairs eating his snack of popcorn while watching Hey Arnold. You had to keep control of yourself. You couldn’t scare your son anymore. You'd done enough of that over the last couple months.

You'd thought Steve just needed some time. And you were more than willing to give that to him. But when Nancy had shown up at pick-up today, on a day you knew was supposed to be Steve’s, all hope that this was some temporary thing disintegrated. Nancy didn’t seem to really know why she was picking up Jeremiah for him but you didn’t need a reason because you already knew.

He’d decided you were too much for him. It was a lot to ask anyone to take on. Your grief, your past, your overbearing mother-in-law, your mental struggles, your son…what man would willingly want to walk into all of that? He’s even said it. He didn’t want you invading his space. He didn’t want you with your anxiety that crept up at the worst times with no notice and your past that kept dragging you down.

Your eyes fell to your ring again, the simple engagement band with a small diamond in the middle, tiny diamonds on either side, soldered to a solid gold band after you were married. Justin apologized right after you'd said yes, assuring you he would get you a better ring when you had more funds. But you never wanted one, not even after the two of you were bringing in more cash. The cost of the ring had never mattered. This piece of jewelry was priceless to you. It wasn’t just gold and stones. It was a promise. It was a feeling. It was a period in your life that would forever be precious.

But Janice was right. It had been two years. How could you possibly hope to ever move on when you were still holding on so tightly. When you couldn’t even let go of the symbol that represented what was, how could you possibly hope to embrace what could be?

Maybe it wouldn’t be Steve. Maybe you'd ruined any chance you had of him being the one. Maybe he was done with you, glad he’d dodged the bullet that was your instability. But that didn’t mean you didn’t still have a chance of moving on, even if it was alone. If you truly wanted to let the past go, then you had to release it and along with it, the guilt that weighed you down, that kept telling you that you were still tied to Justin.

You knew what you needed to do. It was time. It had been time for a long while now. Walking over, you grabbed the phone and made a call.

___________________________________________________________

“Hey, baby,” you greeted the slab of granite as you dropped down to your knees on the soft ground. Your fingers trailed over the grass, plush and full now, remembering when it was nothing but dirt, your fingers clawing into the loose soil as your tears created puddles, your screams wrenched into the empty air.

A soft exhale released through pursed lips as you prepared yourself for the toughest conversation of your life. Well, until the conversation you intended on trying to have after this one. Your fingers gravitated to the stone, tracing over the etched letters, spelling out the name of the person you had believed would be your forever.

You didn’t come here often anymore. You and Eli would bring a pizza and have a picnic on his birthday in August. That was something you'd promised him the two of you would always do. You would always bring a wreath at Christmas. The first year you'd been here twice a week, needing to feel close to him, even if logically you knew nothing was here but a cold, empty body.

But then you'd started therapy and as you began to feel like you were getting a handle on your grief, your need to be here lessened. It wasn’t gone. People who say that grief passes with time are lying. It enters your body and stays, altering you forever. It never completely disappears. You just learn to live with it more as each day passes. The jagged edges get just a bit more rounded, softer, not quite so painful but they’re still there.

“I miss you, you know that?” Your head dropped, your body rounding in on itself. “I miss you so damn much, all the time. I thought it would never get better. I thought it would never get easier. For so long, I felt like I couldn’t breathe, like I couldn’t live without you.”

You could barely remember those dark days when Eli was the only thing dragging you out of bed in the morning. You could barely remember them because you weren't really there. It was like a part of you had died right alongside Justin and you were just a body walking around, going through the motions, for the sake of your son.

The nights when Janice would take him because you didn’t have the strength to pretend. When you would lay in your bed and cry and scream until you had nothing left. When you would curse God and the universe for taking him from you, for leaving your son without a father, for leaving you alone in the world, for destroying your life.

Now, grief would hit you at the weirdest times. Most times it was just a small twist of your stomach, uncomfortable but manageable. Sometimes it was debilitating, to the point where you wanted to curl into the fetal position. You missed his smile, the way he laughed with his whole body, his voice whispering in your ear…things that were getting harder and harder to hold onto as time passed. But you wouldn’t let them go. You held on as hard as you could, refusing to let him fully slip away from you.

“But somehow, day by day, breathing became a little easier. I finally felt like I was back in my body. I was still sad. I was missing you. But I was able to enjoy the sun on my face, the sound of our son’s laughter, getting a cup of coffee with Janice. I could smile again. I could live again. All these things that I’d lost for so long because I was shrouded in my grief. It was a weight pressing down on me but I got help and…and now, there’s someone. Someone who is helping lift the weight off of me, who makes me feel like I might really have a shot at being happy again.”

You swallowed, your eyes slipping closed as tears escaped, trails of emotion running down your cheeks and off your chin. You pulled your lower lip between your teeth, bracing yourself.

“His name is Steve and he makes me really happy. For the first time since I lost you, I have hope. Hope that I can still have love. And Eli adores him. He’s so good with him. He’s a dad too. His son is the same age and they’re best friends. That’s actually how we met each other. He coaches Eli’s baseball team. You’d be so proud of him. He’s learned so much and he’s a hell of a little player. Him and Jeremiah…” You snorted, wiping your face with the back of your hand. “They’re such devious little rascals. They’ve been plotting us being together since we met. I think they knew something we didn’t or something.”

Your eyes roamed skyward as a flock of geese soared overhead, their honking breaking the silence of the cemetery. They were coming home to the warmth and the new life that Spring brought with it. Just like you, they were turning toward new possibilities and leaving behind the past.

“I love you. I will always love you. You…you showed me what love is. You showed me what it means to give all of yourself to another person. You showed me what a beautiful gift that can be, even if it was taken from you far too soon. I will never forget you. I will always be grateful for the time we had together. You will always be my first love, but…” Your thumb and forefinger gripped the gold band, slowly sliding it along your fingertip until it was free, the skin bare for the first time in over a decade. “But it’s time to say goodbye. I have to let you go. I have to do this if I have any chance of moving on. And I may have ruined my shot with Steve. It might be too late already because I couldn’t do this before but I have to try. I have to believe you’d want me to.”

A warm breeze suddenly picked up, lifting your hair, wrapping around you like a hug and you closed your eyes, smiling through the tears streaming down your face.

“I love you to Pluto and back…” you whispered into the wind, recalling your phrase, Justin declaring the moon wasn’t far enough to show how much he loved you. Pressing your fingers to your lips, you pressed them to the stone, slipping your ring into her pocket.

“Honey?"

You gasped at the sound of that voice, in this place. What in the world was he doing here? Turning your head, you wondered if he was a figment of your imagination, something you'd dreamed up because your desire to see him was so strong.

“Steve?”

Chapter 18

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shanastoryteller · 1 year

Note

Happy Holidays! More of wy as female mxy married to lz please!

a continuation of 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17

Jingyi has gotten roped into tea with Clan Leader Lan and Jin Guangyao by Sizhui, which he grumbles about but doesn't actually mind because Jin Guangyao never gives him that mildly disappointed look that he gives other people when they break the rules. Sizhui says it's because Clan Leader Lan thinks he's funny, which is true. He is funny.

There's a frantic knock at the door and Jin Guangyao frowns but says, "Enter."

The door is shoved open and a pale disciple blurts, "Hanguang Jun has beat Madame Lan and now she's with the healers!"

Everyone freezes and Sizhui's eyes go liquid and huge in a way Jingyi hates.

"Don't lie!" Jingyi snaps.

"I saw it," he says urgently. "He just left her there and she had to be carried away!"

Sizhui doesn't ask to be dismissed or even take the time to bow to his uncle and his uncle's - er, whatever they're supposed to call Jin Guangyao since the betrothal didn't work out. Instead he just bolts.

Since Jingyi isn't the heir to the clan, he gives a hasty bow and a "Sorry" before chasing after his best friend. This is probably cosmic retribution for all the times Sizhui has been the one chasing after him.

There are several disciples stationed outside of the healers. Lan Biyu steps in front of the door. "Young Master Lan, now is not the best time to-"

Sizhui glares. "She's my mother. Move!"

She stares at him, wide eyed, and even Jingyi is taken aback. He's never heard him talk like that, but than again none of them would ever be foolish enough to try and get between Sizhui and Hanguang Jun. It's time for them to learn the same care should be extended for Madame Lan.

Lan Biyu steps aside, head bowed.

Jingyi follows Sizhui inside, terrified at what they might find.

Those fears instantly collapsed. Lady Xuanyu is upright and cheerfully talking to healers with glowing hands. Jingyi flushes bright red and looks to the side, because she's only wearing her inner robe with the shoulders pulled down so healing paste can be applied to several dark bruises, which is perhaps why Lan Biyu was trying to keep them out in the first place.

Her bright attitude doesn't change the fact she's covered in bruises and blood, though.

"Hi boys," she says cheerfully, completely unconcerned with her state of undress. Which is one thing with Sizhui being her step son, but she definitely should kick Jingyi out at least.

"What happened?" Sizhui asks. "Did my father do this?"

She shrugs, winces, and gets glared at by the healers for disrupting their movements. "It was a group effort."

Sizhui has gone dangerously pale. Jingyi demands, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Hanguang Jun wouldn't really beat his wife, would he? He may not like her, but he doesn't even beat misbehaving disciples. He wouldn't hurt his weak wife who can't even defend herself. Right?

"We were sparring," she says. "He really gave me a workout!"

"It's not a spar if you can't fight back!" he insists.

One of the disciples along the wall snorts, sees everyone's eyes turn to her, and her cheeks flush.

Lady Xuanyu gives him a look, but says, "Unfortunately his core is strong enough that the bruises I gave him are probably already healed, but you'll just have to take my word for it."

"Was it really just a spar?" Sizhui asks quietly.

She blinks. "What else would it be?"

He doesn't answer.

"I ordered them to fight me," she continues, "so I can't really complain about your father joining it."

She what?

"Will someone please tell me what happened?" Jingyi asks plaintively.

Lan Fen does.

He stares, not even able to care about the impropriety of seeing her like this. "You're crazy."

"Jingyi!" several people shout while Sizhui finally seems to relax, his lips quirking up at the corners.

Lady Xuanyu erupts into peals of laughter, disrupting the healers work and causing several of them to send him an annoyed glare, since obviously they can't glare at Madame Lan.

#prompt answers #prompts are closed #asks #anon #untamed

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tamurilofrivendell · 5 months

Text

Sleeping Beauty | Chapter 16

Previous Chapters [1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15] Read on AO3 [x]

Pairing: Thranduil/Fem. Reader Summary: A Sleeping Beauty inspired tale with Thranduil the Elvenking, and a female elf living in Mirkwood under the care of Radagast, who is actually the ‘lost’ daughter of the late High King Gil-Galad. Taglist: @jinlizz-dragondrama @firelightinferno @bubbleyukismile @coopsgirl @achromaticerebus @sleepyamygdala @smalltownbigheart @qmabailor @genderfluid-anime-goth @0chemicalwaste0 @deadunicorn159 @silvercobra @thesunschild777

It was dark as you stood beneath the trees. You couldn't really explain what had possessed you to sneak out like that. There had been something... some sort of sound... but as you tried to recall it now, it slipped right out of your memory and left you confused.

It had seemed to come from a large tapestry hanging in the corner of the room, not the door as you had originally assumed. Cautiously, you had inched closer to the tapestry and then peeled it back from the wall, shocked to find another door there. You had felt a little uneasy about opening it, instead wanting to go and find Radagast but the sound... kept your focus turning back so intently towards this door that you had inevitably opened it and stepped into what turned out to be a secret passageway. You'd followed this passageway down, down, down into the dark... and come out, not in a dungeon or outside of the palace as you had originally assumed... but back in your clearing.

It did not make any sense.

The clearing was hours away so how could you be here now when you had just been in the Elvenking's palace? When you turned, there was absolutely no indication of how you had got here. No mysterious door. Just trees and darkness.

Frowning, you walked further into the middle of the clearing. Two steps in you came to a half as a sudden wind picked up around you, whipping your hair up around your face. Something about it felt unnatural and as quickly as it started, it ceased, and you were left standing frozen with your heart pounding in your ears.

"Hello, Lothíriel." A woman's voice sounded from behind you, causing you to spin on your heel, eyes wide with panic.

"Oh!" You exclaimed as you slowly relaxed. You recognised her.

Luithien!

The woman you had met before in this same clearing not that long ago. She had seemed in danger, scared. She'd said someone had been chasing her and you had wondered what happened to her as she had vanished as quickly as she had come.

"You! Are you alright?" You asked, studying her as you took a step towards her. She looked okay. She did not look hurt and she had clearly not been captured.

"Oh, please, I am fine. Do not worry about me." She said sweetly, her expression melting into a look of concern. "What about you?"

You eyed her, not sure what she meant. "What about me?"

"I hear you are being forced to marry that awful king." She said, her face a perfect expression of concern.

You blinked at her. "How...?" How could she possibly know such a thing?

"Oh. The birds, dear. They talk to me, you see. I came back here looking for you and they told me all about it." The Enchantress lied with ease. The birds, in fact, would come nowhere near her but you did not need to know. She had watched and she had learned and she knew that if you thought that the birds trusted her, you were more likely to do so as well.

You relaxed a little and glanced down at the ground, looking unhappy. Yes, you did feel as if you were being forced to marry him even if nobody had really said outright that you would be other than Radagast saying both of your parents had wanted it to be so. "Is he really... so awful?" You asked then, looking back up at her with worry in your eyes.

Her face changed and she looked back at you very gravely indeed, nodding slowly. "I... am afraid so, my dear." She tsk'd softly. "He is a... very, very cruel man."

You could feel your panic rising with each word this woman spoke and you looked around the clearing as if expecting to be set upon. You thought of Thranduil and wished - oh, how you wished - that you had not come so late and that he was still here so you could run away with him. "I do not want to marry him!" You exclaimed, turning back to the woman with wide, fearful eyes. He was truly awful? Cruel? You were starting to get frightened.

"Oh, darling, do not worry!" She came towards you then and she slid an arm around your shoulder and she gave you what was supposed to be a reassuring squeeze. "I will help you."

"You... will?"

"Of course I will." She said firmly, giving you a smile. "I can tell you are a kind girl. You do not deserve to marry an evil man. I will help you, Lothíriel, I will take you somewhere safe. I promise."

Your eyes remained on Luithien's face, looking at her with some confusion but unable to fully form a proper thought in your head about most of this. There was something in you now that was urging you to simply just go along with whatever it was that she said, despite the fact that it still made no sense how you had ended up back in the clearing when moments ago you had been so far away, and that you really did not know this woman.

"Alright." You agreed, against your better judgement but this part of you was quiet now, as if it had been tied down and held at bay by some force far stronger than you.

The Enchantress smiled at you kindly but inside she felt victorious. She had you. She had you, finally, in her grasp. You were far from safety and you were under her thrall and you could not fight it. Neither the wizard nor the king would get here in time.

"Come." She said in her soft, melodic voice as she turned and led you from the clearing and through the forest.

"Come on!" Thranduil barked, sounding tense. He sat on the back of a large brown horse, opting not to take his elk straight back out into the forest. The animal needed a rest. He was desperate to find you as quickly as possible but he was not cruel.

Feren behind him was moving too slowly for Thranduil's liking and, after another few seconds of waiting around for him and the wizard, the Elvenking huffed and then spurred the horse on without another word, riding away from the palace grounds, past the settlement, and disappearing into the trees.

Feren and Radagast were left staring after him but Thranduil did not care. He didn't look back, keeping his gaze fixed firmly ahead as he rode determinedly through the forest. He did not know how long ago you left, how far you could have gotten, or if you would even know the way home from here and he was slightly worried you might end up lost. As he rode, his eyes flickered every which way, keen elven sight seeking you at every turn.

He could not believe you had been here the whole time! That you were her! It was insanity and yet it was happening. Gil-Galad's daughter had been here in this forest all these years, under his very nose, and he had been none the wiser! He was both angry and elated.

Thranduil's thoughts turned towards the Enchantress as he rode, his expression darkening as she came into his mind. That witch... he should have driven her out fully when he'd first found her here. Of course, he had tried, but he was hard on himself. He should have been stronger. The harm she could do if she found you... it did not bear thinking about.

The curse.

No. No, he could not think like that. He would not think like that. You would be fine, you would be okay. Thranduil would find you and then he would finally tell you the truth of his identity and take you back to the safety of his palace and everything would be fine again.

He had to believe that. He had to.

After a time, the dark tower came into view and your feet stilled, eyes wide as you stared up at it.

What was this place?

"You... live here?" You asked, turning to the woman at your side once more. Her arm was still firmly around your shoulder. It had been done to seem reassuring but it was actually to keep you in place. Not that she expected the slight spell upon your mind to waver but she did want to be safe rather than sorry.

She turned her face to look at you and she smirked slightly. "For now." She said, giving you a tug and leading you further along the path towards the fortress. She hid here, rather than lived here. The elves did not really come near it and it was currently abandoned and she used it as her base.

You had never been this far in your life. You had always stayed around the cottage and the clearing, and down to the river but no further, not really. This did not seem like a very nice place but you were quite helpless to do anything about it as you were ushered up to the heavy doors and then pulled inside.

The doors shut behind you with a loud, echoing thud that seemed almost to seal your doom. A chill went through you that you could not ignore, yet you almost felt as if you had no real free will to turn and try to push your way back outside. It was almost like you were in a dream.

Dream. Asleep. Forever. Run.

Your mind tried to fight it but it was no good, and the voices were drowned out, pushed away until they were no more than a slight tickle in the back of your head.

The Enchantress let her arm drop from around your shoulders, drawing your full attention once more. She stepped away from you and moved over to a table in the corner of the room. The outside of the fortress itself had been foreboding. Black and tall, dark and dreary, and the inside was no different.

Luithien had said she lived here but it did not look very lived in. The furniture was scarce, the place felt cold, and it just seemed as if this was not somewhere anyone would stay. At least... not anyone good.

You looked up at her again, finding her gaze on you. She looked a little bit different now. Her eyes were not as kind and she was staring at you so intently that it felt uncomfortable. "What is this place?" You asked quietly.

"Have you ever read a map of the area?" She asked in return.

You blinked, a bit thrown by the question but you nodded all the same. "I mean, yes... a while ago."

The Enchantress smiled. "The fortress you stand in now, is built on Amon Lanc."

There was a silence. Amon Lanc. The first thing that came to mind was that King Oropher had once resided here with his people until they had moved, as things began to grow dark. You were kept in seclusion, secrecy, and you had been sheltered beyond belief but that did not mean you knew nothing at all. You knew the history of the forest you lived in, just as you'd known the history of Gil-Galad without knowing who he was to you. Radagast's book collection had been cleverly curated.

As if reading your mind, the Enchantress' smile curved into a smirk. She knew that you'd know everything by now, that you'd have been told of your past and that the kings and even the queens would perhaps be in the forefront of your mind.

"Yes. Oropher." The name fell from her lips with a little bit of disdain, unable to help herself. "He and his folk used to stay here, in the dwellings that now lie abandoned." She hummed, some flicker in her eyes that had not been there before.

She took a step towards you and this time, as she did, you stepped back. She was beginning to unnerve you.

When you moved away from her, she looked surprised for a moment, as if she had not expected it. She stood still and stared at you in silence for a minute, studying you with one thin eyebrow lifted in curiosity, and then her expression turned into mild amusement.

Oh. There was something inside you that was not entirely fooled. That was interesting. So you were perhaps stronger than you looked, were you? No matter. It would just make it more fun, she decided. More amusing when you ultimately fell.

"Something the matter?" She asked innocently and the sweet sound of her voice rang false somewhere in the back of your head.

You stared back at her. "No." But it was a lie and, much to your own frustration, your voice shook just a little. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. What was it?

The Enchantress extended a hand and beckoned you closer. "Come here, Anarórë." The words left her lips as a firm command. "I have something for you."

#thranduil x reader #thranduil x you #thranduil fanfic #thranduil fanfiction #lotr fanfic #sleeping beauty #hobbit fanfic #hobbit fanfiction

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remcycl333 · 10 months

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hey rem!

I had a quick question.. so you know how ppl say you don’t have to affirm all day because it’s your dominant state aka your dwelling state that manifest and NOT your thoughts! but I wanted to know even if someone was to affirm all day (by choice of course) wouldn’t they be in that state of having there desire beings tho affirming helps you to maintain your state which then will become there DWELLING state because they affirmed all day? I hope I’m making sense

if you are able to affirm all day long without feeling as though you are doing it in order to get your desire, then it is simply a method to help you experience your desire in your imagination! which yes, will help change your dwelling state. but if you’re affirming all day long with the intent that doing so will make your dwelling state change faster so that you can get your desire faster… then you are still affirming to get. it’s a pretty slippery slope

also i think a lot of people don’t understand that time really is not a factor. the goal is to occupy the state of the wish fulfilled more than you occupy the state of lack. so if you enter the state of the wish fulfilled 12 times a day and the state of lack 11 times, the state of the wish fulfilled will be your dwelling state. it doesn’t matter if you spent 5 minutes in the state of lack and 2 minutes in the state of the wish fulfilled. it’s abt which state you frequent the most!

so with all that being said, there is no need to do a method all day long! if you’re having fun and feeling good while doing it, by all means go for it! but if the idea behind it is that you think you’ll get your manifestation faster or you’ll change your dwelling state faster, then you’re still in the state of lack. bc as far as you should be concerned, you already have your desire right now and there's no need to do methods to change your dwelling state anymore

also your goal really should not be changing your dwelling state at all. like, that’s more of a subconscious goal? not something you should be consciously thinking abt constantly throughout the day. under no circumstance should you be counting the amount of times you enter a state per day. I explain dwelling states and provide the examples of the number of times you enter a state per day, etc, bc it’s helpful to know the technical side of things and know what’s happening when you shift states and how the law of assumption works. but you shouldn’t be like “oh I need to shift my state 10 times today so every hour I’m going to shift to the state of the wish fulfilled and affirm to get into the state” etc

the goal, ultimately, is to change self. whenever you think of your desire, it’s really helpful to observe the thoughts you are having about it, bc that indicates your state. for instance, do you still desperately want your desire? are you yearning for it? if the answer is yes, this is when you give your desire to yourself in imagination and experience having it. which yes, shifts your state. but instead of experiencing having your desire in imagination with the goal to shift back to the state of the wish fulfilled and change your dwelling state (though this will be what youre accomplishing anyway), your goal should be simply fulfilling yourself and changing the way you feel in regards to your desire. (which, reminder, feelings ≠ emotions)

something i have found sososo helpful in my manifestation journey (and i know other people find this really helpful as well) is to stop caring whether or not you'll get it in the 3d. stop even expecting to get it in the 3d. you will get it in the 3d if you change your dwelling state, bc that is the way it works. its LAW. but the law becomes so much easier to apply if you let go of the idea that your 3d is going to change. once again--cannot stress this enough--your 3d will reflect your imagination bc that's what it does. its LAW. but when you start imagining without the pressure of causing a change in either your 3d or your dwelling state, the whole process becomes so much easier and more fun.

like, remember when you used to imagine as a little kid? and it was so much fun? it was a way to experience the things you wanted, and bc you weren't so worried about whether or not it would manifest correctly, or whether or not you successfully felt the feeling of the wish fulfilled, or whether or not you successfully shifted your state, the whole process was more enjoyable.

for instance, as a teenager i remember i'd daydream about being with this guy i had a crush on. i remember any time i was in a car, i'd imagine he was there with me and we were driving around together. i wasn't doing this with the purpose to manifest him or change my reality, i'd do it bc it made me feel good and i wanted to experience a reality where we were together to fulfill my desire of being with him. this guy ended up asking me out shortly after and we dated for a few months, even tho i didn't expect my 3d to reflect my imagination at all!! bc by doing this, i slowly let go of my desperate desire to be with him bc i felt fulfilled.

so basically the point im trying to make is: focus on fulfilling yourself. make fulfilling yourself and experiencing being the person who has your desire your priority! dont make your priority changing your 3d. bc the 3d is reflecting your 4d anyway!

i already know ppl will read this and be like "but i want my desire in my 3d that's why im manifesting it" and yes that's so true! i wouldn't practice the law nor teach it if i didn't want to experience my desires in my 3d, or want my followers to experience their desires in the 3d! so that's why im offering this advice. bc i want every single one of you to get your desire in your 3d, and something that helped me get my desires in my 3d is to stop making that my main goal!

anyways. i fear i got off topic. but! hopefully this helps a lot fo you!! <3

#asks

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marvel-starwarsfangirl · 28 days

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Ep. 10 "Identity Crisis" and Ep. 11 "Point of No Return" Review

Oh wow guys, those two episodes were rough. Definitely went places I didn't expect, but I was overall satisfied. It makes me hate the Empire and Hemlock even more though. Hemlock is such a twisted and sick man. He's right up there with Tarkin and Palpatine for most disturbing Imperial imo.

Anyways, let's dive in! Per usual, spoilers below

I wasn't expecting Emerie as a focus tbh. However, it was actually pretty interesting. Ever since we met her in season 2, the mystery around her and her purpose have been kept in the background. But I must say, getting to see her POV and her conflict between her loyalties to Hemlock and compassion for others was neat. The way she clearly connects to children and thinks back to her own childhood definitely raises questions for the future. I strongly believe that Emerie is going turn against Hemlock in a final act to save Omega at the cost of her own life. After seeing the children being experimented upon, she was clearly horrified. Emerie also has shown concern for both Crosshair and Omega, with the latter being extra special to her.

Speaking of the children, that was absolutely sickening and heartbreaking to watch. Cad Bane is back in his abduction era, oh yes. (He and Todo act like an old married couple and it’ll never not be funny to me). My heart shattered when both Eva and Jax stated all they wanted to go home. The dark truth is that they never will. Unless Omega and the boys successfully free everyone from Tantiss, then those kids will forever remain prisoners. It just makes me hate Hemlock even more. The children are definitely instrumental in Emerie's change of heart and I think she was meant to be created for the same reason Omega was. However, she failed for some reason. We'll get more lore soon no doubt.

I also found Tarkin's line about Hemlock stealing all the funding to be humorous. It'd be so funny if Hemlock just made the Empire flat out broke.

And yes, it was finally Pabuover. We all knew it was coming, even the Marauder's destruction. However, I do understand some people not feeling as impacted by it because it was in the trailer. Nevertheless, it was still hard to watch. Freaking Cid once again sold the Batch out. That woman better be stuck in a deep, dark hole for all the trouble she caused. Because of her, a beautiful, little family and a lovely island were destroyed. That being said, I'm glad the way they found Pabu was through looking at Phee's recent travel history instead of the "Crosshair sleeper agent" theory. It would've made no sense if that theory was correct because the Empire took their sweet time tracking him if that was the case.

Seeing the Batch say goodbye to Pabu was sad. Omega putting Lula and Tech's goggles in the Archium symbolizes her leaving her childhood behind imo. She can no longer truly be a kid anymore. Pabu was that safe space. However, it is no longer.

It's truly the Batch's darkest hour aside from "Plan 99." Their ship is gone, Wrecker was knocked out, Hunter had a rough landing, Omega is captured, and Crosshair missed...

I had a feeling Omega was going to give herself up, but to see Crosshair miss such a crucial shot, a shot which would've led the Batch straight to Tantiss, was brutal. He's never going to forgive himself. And how will he explain this to Hunter and Wrecker? Cross went along with Omega's plan and now there trust in him will waver. And the look on his face when he pleads with her to not go through with the plan broke me. That man loves her with every fiber of his being. I swear, Jennifer will be hearing from me soon. Omega doesn’t even know he missed which will also be devastating (but it opens the door for Emerie to save the day).

I knew a moment like that could happen, but to see it hit different. Crosshair had no choice. He was being shot at and out of time. It was now or never. I sincerely hope that he and Hunter don’t argue for the majority of the next episode. Ideally, Hunter will recognize that Cross was backed into a corner and that he what he needs is therapy and hugs, not more yelling.

(Also, why did Crosshair’s imperial theme play for like two seconds? Was it warning us about the shot?)

And then there’s CX-2. Man he’s hard to get rid of, isn’t he? I am so convinced he’s Tech at this point. It was his word choice that clued me in. But with 4 episodes to go, I wonder how they’re going to pull this reveal off, especially if it is Tech. We’ll see.

Btw, I’m so glad they didn’t kill Batcher. The dog is very important you know.

That’s all for now! See yall next week and we can cry some more!

#star wars #the bad batch #tbb crosshair #tbb hunter #tbb wrecker #tbb tech #tbb omega #tbb season 3 #tbb spoilers #tbb speculation #royce hemlock #wilhuff tarkin #emerie karr #cx 2 #cad bane

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lovelyladyabsinthewrites · 11 months

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Love Song for a Vampire Pt. 31

Pairing(s): Edward Cullen x Wolf!Reader, Jacob Black x Witch!OC

Warnings: none

Words: 2107

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38 Part 39

Edward's fingers tighten on the steering wheel at the three people standing in front of Sam's cabin. Neither of you move, not right away at least as his eyes switch from Sam, to Jacob, and finally landing on Bella. Both of you gauge the situation, why both Bella and Jacob were there. Hesitantly, you glance at Edward; his fine jawline is clenched tightly. Wounds were still healing, not yet even scabbed over from when he made the decision to move on from Bella and take a chance with you.

You’re overly aware of this and perhaps self conscious about your fresh relationship that could so easily be squashed.

That was if you weren’t so worried about why Jacob was there. While you could sniff out Evita's citrus scent, she was nowhere to be found and that caused you to worry even more. Sam didn’t look concerned about his presence but you proceed to cautiously unclip your seatbelt and swing open the door.

The outside air struck you with a new type of energy you’d never felt before. It zaps your brain and fills your lungs with zest. The hairs on your arms stood at attention and even produced goose pimples along your tanned and scarred skin.

Round eyes turn to Sam in question. Not needing the pack telepathy, Sam just shoots you a tired smile. “Nice to see you two back safely. You missed out on quite the show.”

“Show?”

”It was more than a show.” Bella abruptly counters, her cheeks normally so pale were looking feverish-pink. She struggles to find the proper words to describe what she had witnessed. You'd never seen Bella's face so lively. The few times you were around her, she tended to have a shy and contemplative expression that hid what she was truly feeling. That mask crumbled in the charged air that swirled still around the cabin. “It was an experience.”

To explain better, Sam adds “Evita was making the first ward.”

You want to groan for having missed it. Being with Edward in Alaska though would never be something you regret doing. There would be other chances to see Evita at work.

Finally, Jacob spoke up instead of looking blankly into the distance. “Definitely quite the experience.” All youthful light was erased from Jacob’s face making him older. Yes being a shape shifter had sped up your growth so that everyone in the pack looked to be the age of a young adult where before acne and baby fat were present. But imprinting and coming to terms with it robbed him and created dark circles around his eyes as well as heavy lines between his brows from where his face was fixed in a permanent scowl.

His frame even appeared to have lost some muscle mass from being cooped up in a small room. You made a mental note to talk to him later, just the two of you. Before all of this supernatural mess happened, you and Jacob had been very close friends. Out of him, Quil and Embry, Jacob lived closer to your house. He’d been your first playmate to go to before fetching the others. He was the first to go through the transformation. The first to pull out of your intimate group.

You’d felt hurt in the beginning along with Quil and Embry. That hurt had been worked out though once you too went through the change. You want to be there for him and help him through such a difficult time.

Nervously, Bella finally addresses Edward who was trying to casually lean against the hood of his car and pretend that seeing her didn’t effect him at all. “The Denalis?”

Edward nods. “They’ll have our back and hopefully keep Irina in check until we can get the rest of the wards up. But. . . It definitely wouldn’t be a bad idea to find more allies.”

Sam frowns but nods. “I figured. Do we have a timeline to work with? How long would it potentially take for the Volturi to find out?”

“It could be a matter of days.”

Some life springs onto Jacob. “Days? Just one ward nearly made Evita pass out She won’t be able to make five more if all we have are just days.” You detect a protective tone in his voice making his words come out more harsh. One glance from Sam has Jacob back in line though. Still, his hands clench and unclench anxiously at his sides.

“We have to work with what we got.” Sam replies in a steady stream. “Maybe there’s something we can do to help her out. We may not have magic ourselves but there’s got to be even the smallest task that we can help her out with. Leah mentioned something about Evita calling a friend to help her. Hopefully this is true and that friend is on their way.”

You wonder what a friend of Evita’s would look like. Evita herself didn’t really dress like the stereotypical witch that you’d seen on tv. She dressed in comfortable clothes much like you and the rest of your pack members: Tank or loose shirt, shorts and running shoes. Would this witch be the same? Would it even be another female?

You nod to Sam’s words. “We can’t loose hope just yet. But we have a lot of work ahead of us. Edward called Carlisle and Jasper on our way back to inquire about their connections with other nomads and clans.”

“I believe Jasper has already set off on his search.” Edward says, able to hear the thoughts of his family members from leagues away. “Carlisle will be leaving in a few days once he gets his records together. He’s written down all the nomads he’s come across in his life.”

While you voiced a positive outlook, you did have a worry toward the nomads. Through the speaker phone of the car, Carlisle did admit that he may have spent time with them, but couldn’t say he overly trusted them. Vampires didn’t really trust one another. So why would the risk the wrath of the Volturi for people they have never met? Worse may be when they find out about your pack. The elders will be uncomfortable with the prospect of so many vampires being harbored near their home.

They may not even be vegetarian which would be addressed when you came up to that hurdle.

Like many of your worries of the future, you force them to the back of your mind. They had no place in your thoughts, not now. You’d take one day at a time. Focus on the present. That was all you could do. Even Alice, who could see into the future, could do little in the end.

“Get her home safely.” Sam faces Edward. “It must have been quite the drive and I know her parents are worried about her.”

“We should get going too, Jake. Charlie doesn’t like me driving home at night now.” Bella bumps her arm against Jacob who still held a vacant quality to his eyes. You can tell by the way he subtly angles his body that he wants to go back into Sam’s house where Evita is.

He didn’t even seem to acknowledge what Bella said at first but eventually he grounds himself back and stiffly nods his head. “Yeah, let’s get going.”

They trudge to Bella’s small car, watching as the headlights flick on; near blinding. Brakes groan and her car rolls back until she can turn the car around and head back down the road.

It doesn’t take too long for Edward to drive to your house. The front windows were glowing, alerting you that your parents were still up and waiting.

You couldn’t make yourself open the passenger door though and Edward didn’t appear to be in too big of a hurry to be rid of you. “Thanks for inviting me to Alaska. It really was a pleasure to meet others like you and your family. Reassuring.” It’s become an anxious habit of your’s to toy with Evita’s homemade protection charm.

“I would have insisted on your presence there. It’s thanks to you as a person that the others agreed to join us.” There’s a smile in his voice. Sweet, but he was definitely exaggerating on your role there. If anything you helped by being a good ambassador for the wolves.

Forgetting about your parents who were patiently waiting, the two of you sit there in a silence filled with the pounding drum inside of your chest. What excuse could you come up with to see him again? Did you need an excuse or could you simply ask him to hang out?

Ask him out on a date!

How could you when you’d never asked anyone out in your life?

I don’t want to embarrass myself.

How will you truly get to know him unless you explore on a date?

Thank whatever deity was looking after you because you wouldn’t have to worry any longer.

“When you’re free, I would like to take you on a date.” Funny how sheepish those words were and when you look over to him, his smile only widens. “I would really like to get to know you. Even the bits I’ve got have me wanting to know more.”

Your smile grows to an identical width. “I’d really like that. Call you later?”

A flurry took over Edward as he watched (y/n) close her front door.

When was the last time his cheeks hurt from smiling so much? Had to be when he was still a human. He could feel the strain though in his face as well as the smile that just couldn’t be wiped off.

(y/n) excited him.

When she was around, life was fun. Even as a human, there had been many tribulations that robbed Edward of his joy from a young age.

He’d have to think of something fun that she’d enjoy. Bella and (y/n), while being completely different from one another, shared the similar hobby of reading. Other than that, Edward still didn’t know much about her personal life. What did she want to do when she graduated high school? What did do when not on wolf patrol?

Entering the Cullen house, Edward knew by the look on Carlisle’s face meant that Edward would not be making any date plans that night. “Are you leaving too, Alice?”

Alice normally wore her leather jacket when she planned to travel or get some time to herself. In her hands dangle the keys to Jasper’s Ducati. “I have a long journey to make. I had a vision just a while ago.”

“A good one?” Edward asked hopefully.

Stars twinkle in the honeypot of Alice’s eyes. She wouldn’t say anything in case it would jinx her whole trip. But the glow in her eyes and her petite smile was enough for Edward. He’d hold onto that hope and nurture it. It was all he had.

Carlisle comes down the stairs with his own keys clutched in his hands. He stops in front of Edward and placed a hand on his shoulder. “We’ll be okay. Keep an eye out for any Volturi activity.”

Alice paced them and opened the door. She glanced over her shoulder “I’ll call everyone if I have anymore visions.”

“You sure you don’t want to take me with you?” Emmett shoulders his way from the sitting room and leans against the doorframe. His expression is one of brotherly worry. “I know you can handle yourself, but I don’t like the idea of you being alone.”

She turned back around and with a big grin, Alice bound toward Emmett and threw her arms around him. He returned the gesture before letting her go. “I’ll be fine, Em. You take care of the home front.”

Edward and Emmett follow them out to the porch where Alice had already pulled out the Ducati from the garage and was situating herself atop of it. Carlisle gave Esme a quick kiss before he too descended down the porch steps and to his car.

From the sad downcast of Emmett’s face, Rosalie holds his hand and rests her head against his bicep. “There, there, Big Guy. She’ll be okay.”

Esme attempts to face them bravely. “Like Alice said, we must hold down the fort while they’re gone.”

“What if the Volturi come while they’re gone?” Rosalie whispered gravely. Her eyes trained on the back lights of Carlisle’s car until even her vampire eyes couldn’t find them.

Her question was carried off in the wind. No one dared to answer because none of them had one to offer.

------

TAGLIST: @saltedcoffeescotch , @dangerouslittlefairy , @burn-crash-rqmance , @casedoina , @avadakadabra93 , @daryldixonstorm , @blue-aconite , @xanniestired666 , @esposadomd, @godinho11 , @arin-swear-rose , @alexizodd , @melaninsugarbaby , @lyeatoalinatoheaven , @ronwownsme , @itsmytimetoodream , @afro-hispwriter , @mutandis-extremis993 , @hxgemxscles , @nightly-polaris , @corrodedcoffins-slut , @ellesalazar , @itgetzweird08 , @crybabyatthediscooffandoms , @sassyandclassyx , @scarlet2007 , @theroyalbrownbarbie , @jennyamanda8 , @stevenandmarcslove , @biancaindaeyo , @loversjoy , @turningtoclown , @vixorell , @xxthackerybinxxx , @daredevilonmyheels , @dumbbitch-juice , @southern-bell-give-hell , @nat-the-gemini , @imdoingathingmom , @emmettcullenswife , @yoong1c0re , @daddykylokenobi , @minjix , @magical-spit , @krismdavis

#twilight #twilight saga #twilight fanfiction #twilight fandom #Twilight FanFic #reader insert #reader insert fanfiction

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theamazingannie · 11 months

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Oh I fucking hated that Manifest ending it made absolutely no sense. Rant and spoilers under cut.

Why in hell would they go back to 2013 and undo everything that happened over the last 11 years??? Sure the passengers are forever changed, but what about Olive’s journey? Jared and Drea? All of the other nonpassengers who grew and learned and became something better because of this story? And why them? Zeke survived his death date and he didn’t go back (at least, not until he died the second time). Zeke got to have cool powers and it kinda sucks cuz he was the only one we know who survived his death date so he’s the only one we got to see be affected by it. It would’ve been cool to see what the passengers could do and also how the rest of the world would have reacted. The world HATED the 828ers and instead of getting some resolution with them finding out that the 828ers saved the world, they just all never actually experienced it?

Also, wasn’t something that was a hidden gift in the whole thing that Saanvi’s research had time to develop during those 5 1/2 years? If they go back, then Cal would still be sick and without the research this time. That undos all of that and the connection that that made between Saanvi and the Stones and how fate connected them in so many ways. And they specifically said that they needed time to finish her research and start the trials. He would’ve been dead if he waited. That was a specific point.

Because of the time pause, Olive is now significantly younger than TJ, which the show addresses by making him look at her sadly and then sets him up with Violet. Not only did they steal Olive’s story and growth, they also just completely ruined their relationship that I loved. Plus, they never really gave them a satisfying ending pre-apocalypse. All they did was have Olive say she wanted to fix things so they could have a future together, only for that to now be impossible (unless they meet again in like 10 years when it’s a less weird age gap). This is kind of a smaller reason, but it still bugs me cuz they had such potential to be a great ship and were constantly pushed under a rug, especially there at the end.

And what are they supposed to do now? This is a problem in a lot of time travel/day repeating stories where someone changes seemingly overnight with no explanation except instead of just one person, it’s almost 200. 200 people who know things about the next 11 years, who have been changed beyond recognition, who are now going to change so much stuff in the future that didn’t need to be changed. Yeah, they’re all better people now and will work to do good (allegedly) yadda yadda. What about all the passengers who fell in love with nonpassengers that they now may never meet? Or, like TJ and Olive, can’t be together because of the time jump. Yeah Mick found Zeke and now they can be happily ever after, but what about the nonpassengers who were changed in the years between and now aren’t the same person that the passenger fell in love with? So many of us are shaped by our experiences. What happened to all the other passengers, to their stories? What if the person that they fall in love with’s life is altered because of the choices another passenger makes? What if they move to another state, fall in love with someone else, die??? Another issue tule travel causes is that even the smallest action can domino into something completely different, even just one person let alone TWO HUNDRED. I know that this is probably not something most people think about and they just pay attention to Grace and Zeke being alive and all the happy moments, but it’s not that simple for me and it BUGS ME when writers don’t consider this.

Lastly, on a similar note, how is this any different than it ending with “it was all a dream”??? Like nothing actually changes, none of their callings are set in stone and they’ll have to remember every single thing they did during those 5 1/2 years, things that won’t happen until YEARS later. Ugh I just so hated the way they ended things and it sucks cuz I love this show a lot.

#manifest #manifest netflix #this is kinda long but if you’ve watched the finale you should read this and tell me if you agree #my sister hasn’t finished yet so I don’t have anybody to talk to about this #if you disagree I’d love to know why!#Im always interested in hearing alternate viewpoints #(particularly on more lighthearted matters like a tv show finale)#edit:#the tag has reminded me of Lourdes and I’m mad about that too!!!#not only did they completely drop her as a character #despite being one of mick’s bffs and Jared’s FIANCÉE #but they don’t even bring up how she will exist in the new life with no memories of what happened #so mick will be mad at her for a reason that hasn’t happened yet and it’ll be so weird #like there are so many things about this that don’t make any sense if you give it more than two seconds of thought

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daniel-profeta · 1 year

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top 10 songs of all time?

Changes everyday, but in no particular order some of my more consistent favorites are:

The front bottoms - Twin Sized Mattress

Car Seat headrest - Kimochi Warui *so many options here, but to pick one from this band...*

Tool - Lateralus

The Mountain Goats - Best Ever Death Metal Band Out of Denton

Phoebe Bridgers - I Know the End

Elliott Smith - King's Crossing

AJJ - People II The Reckoning

At this point I started to think harder about the songs that have meant the most to me throughout my life and as I've gotten older. For example, I like a lot of Bright Eyes songs more than First day, but that song has had way more impact on me. I play it all the time, the lyrics are permanently imprinted in my mind, and to me it's one of the most beautiful and vulnerable love songs ever written. With that in mind more and more "important" songs started coming to mind.

8. Alex G - Forever 9. Bright Eyes - First Day of My Life 10. Johnny Hobo - New Mexico Song

Now I have ten, that was easy.

Except...

I remembered that one Demarco song that makes me cry everytime I hear it. Got to include that. How many times have I listened to the Glow pt 2 during the summer? How could I leave off something from Porcupine Tree, the band that I once considered my favorite band of all time? So I kept going, through names and bands that I collect like emotional trophies, not wanting to leave anything out. They all mean so much, it's honestly pathetic. I used to hyperfixate on things like Zelda and Star Wars, then I found this shit and my brain chemistry has been altered ever since.

11. Mac Demarco - Moonlight on the River 12. Mitski - Texas Reznikoff 13. The Microphones - I Want the Wind to Blow 14. Pigeon Pit - Nights like These 15. Radiohead - Exit Music 16. The Crane Wives - Never Love an Anchor

Funny how quickly a song can feel like home. That Crane Wives song technically shouldn't even be here, I only heard it for the first time a few weeks ago. Yet maybe listening to it 30 times since qualifies it for consideration. Phoebe Bridgers has a lyric in one of her songs about wishing she had written something instead of the original artist, but she can't cause they said it first. So instead she'll learn their song and sing until the feverish inspired feeling fades away in a voyeuristic catharsis.

I think about that line constantly. Also quickly want to mention here that I'm more of an album guy. I try to listen to full records to try an experience the full piece of art the creator made. So while no song off The Downward Spiral is on my list of favorite songs, that was and is one of the most impactful albums to me as a teenager.

17. Porcupine Tree - Arriving Somewhere but not Here 18. XTC - Dear God 19. Wilco _ I am trying to break your heart 20. NIN - Burn 21. Lucy Dacus - Night Shift 22. Haley Heynderickx - Oom Sha La La 23. Swans - New Mind

Swans was hard, because there were a few songs that meant a lot to me. But ultimately there wasn't one more visceral or frankly more evil sounding than New Mind. Love the themes, love the singing style, love the backing yells, love the industrial outro, love the faint organ, love everything about that damn song.

The list kept getting longer, and for each song I was writing a paragraph to explain my choice lol. After the first like 15 I decided to stop doing that for the sake of your eyes and for risk of sounding redundant. But a major thing I love about some of these songs are how inspirational they are. Twin Sized Mattress, Denton Metal Band, Story of an Artist, they all paint a picture of the type of person I want to be. The type of art I will always support. The thing I hope to one day inspire in other people.

When you punish a person for dreaming their dream don't expect them to thank or forgive you. The best ever death metal band out of Denton, will in time both outpace and outlive you.

Those words could honestly save someone's life, it's crazy.

24. A Perfect Circle - Three Libras 25. Deftones - Rosemary 26. Frank Ocean - Ivy 27. November Suite - The Tower 28. Daniel Johnston - Story of an Artist 29. Sloppy Jane - Jesus and Your Living Room Floor 30. Big Thief - Not 31. Tyler the Creator - Boredom 32. Duster - The Landing 33. The Velvet Underground - Sunday Morning 34. The Voidz - Human Sadness 35 - 108. System of a Down - (every song) 109. Death Grips - Beware

Okay, threw these and now dozens more names are crowding my brain, and this incredibly pretentious post must come to an end. Long story short, I only have one song left to share, but each of these song has a very personal connection to me. Certain ones (like that tool song) actually changed the way I look at the world and helped me through dark periods of my life.

Many of them inspire me, some of them are just beautiful in a broken and real sorta way, and all of them feel human. The art represents something bigger than itself and the ambition knows no bounds. These songs changed my world for the better, and if you read this you are now obligated to listen to all of them.

I could ramble about music till the end of time:)

finally 110. 100 Gecs - Money Machine

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morganski-19 · 4 days

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I Don't Know Which Way's Home

Chapter 16: Relocation

Apparently when I said it would be a few days late, that really meant a week late. But I'm back now.

ao3 link, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15

Present Day, March 1987

Julie wakes up in the middle of the night. Heart racing just a bit, slowing as she readjusts. The memories from last night replay in her mind. It’s all she thinks about. Well, not all.

It’s stupid to even compare these two things. Stupid to have herself thrown back six months and feel the same way all over again. It was the last time she was thrown out of her home unexpectantly. Even if it doesn’t feel like it, it wasn’t that long ago. Her life was uprooted not that long ago.

When her mom died, and she had to move, it felt kind of like this. With a lot more tears, and a lot more pain. But the questions without answers, the spontaneity of it all. It was the same. Julie didn’t plan for it to happen this way. It just happened.

Things in her life just keep happening. But that’s how life works, isn’t it? Things happen, and no one can control it. And when they try to, it just fails anyway. There’s just a force greater than anyone can imagine making life shit for everyone. Breaking apart families, making them lose people they love.

Julie’s not a religious person. Never was. Her mom wasn’t either, not after getting pregnant. It was hard enough being a single mom, she didn’t need more dirty looks. Especially from ones who were supposed to love everyone no matter their sins. It didn’t feel that way most of the time.

If the force that took Julie’s mom away, kicked her out of her childhood home, then the house that just became home, was really all knowing and good, she didn’t believe it anymore. What about the death that’s happened in this town? Everywhere else? What about Steve? Was it really planned for parents to hate their son like this? Kick him out of his house with a bruise on his cheek. That he won’t tell her anything about.

She needs to know that the bruise isn’t because of her. Because he took her in. She can’t be the reason why he’s hurt. It would be too much. Too much that’s been caused because of her. He’s already moving, got a new job, suing his parents. Julie is the catalyst of it all. Even if she wasn’t the cause.

How much peace would Steve have without her here? How much of a disturbance did she really cause?

When they first met, and she was in that foster home, it was easy to take from him. Steve had so much that he was willing to give. Growing up in the life Julie could have had if the tables were turned. It was easy to take some of what she thought she deserved. But then she learned more about him, about his life there. It wasn’t so easy anymore. Julie started to feel like a burden.

Still feels like a burden. Steve has to hide parts of himself in his own home because of her, even though he’s not doing it very well. He had to move into a place that could accommodate her. Go through all this trouble just to keep her around. Act ten years older than he is.

Steve’s still young. Only three years older than her but acting so much older. Taking in so much responsibility as a twenty-year-old. That’s not normal. He should be out parting, meeting new people, making mistakes and learning from them. Instead, he’s stuck in a nine-to-five and coming home to provide for the sister he didn’t even know about six months ago.

Sometimes he acts more like a parent than he should. Julie doesn’t ask for much, she never really did. But it was easy for Steve to slowly fill the void that her mom left. Even if she didn’t realize she was doing it.

Her therapist has been working her through this. He was the first person who mentioned it, causing Julie to spiral. According to him, it was normal and not something that she had to change that much. Just had to realize that’s what was going on. And to make sure she wasn’t holding Steve to a standard that he couldn’t meet.

Steve wasn’t her mom. She knew that. But it was easy to mix the two up when he’s the one providing for her now. Julie didn’t want to ask for more than he could give. It seems like she might have already done that without even realizing it.

She gets up from the now partially deflated air mattress to head to the kitchen. Get a drink and try to calm her mind. One of the lamps is still on in the living room. Illuminating Steve and Eddie, still asleep. Tangled together.

Julie wants to respect Steve’s boundaries and not ask about it again. Or speculate it. But friends don’t fall asleep next to each other like this. Or act like Eddie did last night. Well, maybe Robin would have. It would have just felt more like a sibling relationship. Theirs’s didn’t. It had something more intimate to it. It was very obviously something more.

Steve just wasn’t ready, and she respected that. He just looked so at peace right now. Compared to the level of stress that he normally looked. Compared to last night. It was all gone right now. Started to dissipate as soon as Eddie got there.

Coming out and telling people about this isn’t easy. She knows that. Really knows it. For the past few weeks anyway. So, she knows that pushing them is a bad idea. Especially with the case and all of the uncertainties that surround their lives right now. Being hidden is sometimes better than being out. Definitely in this town.

With them though, with people they trust. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say that it could work. They were able to share a bed here without anyone saying anything about it. And no one will say anything if they see them sharing it like this. It’s a known secret at this point.

Part of her is telling her that it’s only a secret because of her, though. Because she caused all the uncertainties of their life. It’s probably not true, but it’s how she feels.

El stirs when Julie goes back to the room. The air mattress squeaking when she sits on it.

“Julie,” El whispers in the dark, voice groggy.

“Sorry, went to get some water.”

El nods, propping herself up on her elbow when the air mattress squeaks again when Julie tries to sit down. “Did it deflate? It does that sometimes.”

“Yeah, kinda.”

“We could share my bed if you wanted to. Me and Max do it all the time, there is enough room.” El sits up, fixing the blankets.

Julie’s heartbeat picks up, she’s not sure why. It’s just El, they’re friends. Her and Mary would share a bed when they had sleepovers back in middle school. This is no different from that.

“Uh yeah, sure.”

El scoots over in the bed, making room for Julie. They lay down next to each other. El facing Julie, while Julie lies on her back. Trying not to feel El’s eyes on her. Julie forces her eyes closed and takes a deep breath, trying to feel normal about this. Because it is. This is totally normal. Why is she making this so weird?

“Can I ask you something? And you cannot be mad at me for asking it.” El asks, still whispering.

“Uh, yeah. Sure.” Julie really can’t explain why she’s so nervous by that question.

“Are Steve and Eddie dating?”

Julie turns her head towards El, taking a moment to realize how close they are. “They haven’t told me that they are.”

“But that does not mean they are not? They act like they are dating. Everyone keeps talking about it, it is not a secret. I think they work well together.” El stares at Julie in the dark, making her feel something but she’s not quite sure.

“Yeah, yeah I think they do too. If they are actually together. Like I said, they haven’t told me about it yet. But I do know Steve is seeing someone, just couldn’t tell me who it was. Said it was more complicated than it looked.” Julie can’t explain it, but the words keep pouring out of her mouth without her telling them to. She should have stopped speaking way before she did.

El smiles. “I like it when people from our group start dating. Max says it makes more problems, but I think it is sweet. How they found each other through all of the bad that happened.” She makes a face of realization. “Forget what I said, nothing bad happened. Just meeting each other like normal people do. In school. Yeah, we all met in school.”

“Something bad happened?”

If that’s true, a lot of things would start to make sense. Why Steve jumps every time the light flickers or there’s a loud thud. Sometimes when the thunder hits just right. Why Julie has woken up to what seems like a scream but gets told it was nothing the next morning. Why Eddie or Robin magically shows up in the mornings when they weren’t here the night before. Hovering over Steve, either with a scared look in their eye or checking to make sure he’s ok.

Some of the kids do it to. Have some scars that seem a bit too suspicious. More than just a normal injury.

The weird that has been happening in Hawkins these past four years replay in her mind. Connecting dots as fast as she can, trying to make connections. On the surface, there’s nothing there. Except for the fact that this was a peaceful town before four years ago. Each year continuing to get worse and worse. Until last spring scared out half the town’s population.

After what Julie saw that fourth of July, she knew that something was off. Witnessing people walk to their deaths, knowing that they didn’t go to the mall by choice. There was something weird with Hawkins. Maybe El knew about it too? Maybe they all knew about it?

“Well, yeah, there was an earthquake. And the mall fire before that. Bad things happened.” El turns her head, looking at the ceiling.

“I knew about that, obviously. But that’s not all that happened, right? I mean, none of the surrounding areas felt it, and if the ground cracked, they should have. And the fire, I saw some of the people going there that night.” It feels weird to admit that to someone else. But it gets El to turn her head and look at Julie again. “I couldn’t get them to stop moving.”

El’s brows knit together. “I did not know other people saw them go there.”

“It was really scary. I didn’t know until the next morning, but they were walking to their death. There were some people in the crowd that I knew, so I recognized their names when the missing person reports and the obituaries. No matter what I did, it was like they couldn’t hear me, and just kept walking. Like they were possessed.”

El reaches across the small gap between them and grabs Julie’s hand. Making Julie’s fingers feel colder than they were, as they suddenly fill with warmth. She squeezes Julie’s hand, holding it close. “There was more to that night. More that I cannot tell you. I wish I could, but you are better off not knowing. But I am so sorry that you saw a little bit that was happening. And very happy that it did not get to you too.”

“That what didn’t get to me?” Julie turns on her side, fully facing El.

“It is safer for you not to know. Please trust me. Friends don’t lie.”

There is a seriousness in El’s eyes that ages her five years. Suddenly turning her into a brave soldier, instead of just a kid. Julie’s eyes trace her face, reading the fear mixed with experience resting in her muscles. Molded instead of out of place. This isn’t a new expression for El. Somewhere, that breaks Julie.

“Ok, I believe you,” Julie says, ready to change the subject. To see that look melt off of El’s face, hoping to never see it again. Instead, she yawns.

“It is late, we should go to sleep. There is a lot you probably have to do tomorrow. Or today, what time is it?”

Julie shrugs, not wanting to turn to see the clock on the bedside table. “Didn’t look at it when I got up.”

El releases Julie’s hand, making it feel cold again. She pulls the sheets tight around her. “Goodnight.”

“Night.” Julie’s eyes stay open as El’s close, watching as she starts to fall asleep again. She eventually forces her eyes to close, tries to get sleep to come. It doesn’t. Not for a while at least.

There’s something weird with her, mixed with everything else she was already feeling that night. Part of her knows what it is, but she doesn’t want to admit it.

. . .

When Steve looks in the mirror the next morning, he has to relive the fact that the events of the previous night actually happened. That instead of just a normal night stayed at the Byers, it was because he was kicked out of his childhood home. Not because he left on his own accord. Even if he was the one to slam the door behind him.

Just because he was planning to leave, doesn’t mean he was planning to leave like this. With a nice bruise formed above his cheekbone and dried blood on his lip. Bags filled with the rest of his and Julie’s belongings in the living room. The rest in boxes scattered in different locations. Somethings still left behind. Things he’s never getting back.

His mind races to anything left in his car that could come back to bite him. It’s empty, for the most part. Steve knew that he wouldn’t be able to keep the car, it still had his dad’s name on it. It’s why he couldn’t sell it when he was saving up money. The trunk was empty, the baseball bat that would have certainly raised questions in another location. The glove compartment had nothing in it but snacks and a first aid kit. Normal things. The pictures on his sun visor were gone.

He was safe. Why didn’t he feel safe.

This feeling is something Steve knows more than he should. Adrenaline flooding his veins, making him be alert when he just needs to rest. Constricting his chest, making his breaths short and shallow. Counting in for four does nothing when he can only make it to two before his lungs feel like bursting. His muscles tense at every sound, every movement. Pulling him into the ready position. Ready for the next monster to burst through the wall.

There’s a knock at the door, making him jump. Chest thumping with the fast beat of his heart.

“Steve, sweetie,” Joyce’s voice comes through the door. “Breakfast is ready whenever you are.”

Somehow, that breaks Steve out of the spell he was in, realizing the white of his knuckles as they gripped the sink. He lets go, feeling relief. “Ok, I’ll be out in a second.”

He forces a deep breath into his lungs, shutting his eyes so he can’t see his reflection again. Things need to happen today. He needed to get things done today. The Byers are kind enough not to kick them out, but he can’t expect them to let them stay for more than a day or two.

Tomorrow Sarah is going to tell her higherups that they were kicked out. Let them decide if Julie needs to be moved again. Strip away the home that they’ve been building for the past few months. Making Steve have to start over all over again. He can’t start over again.

So these feelings, this churn in his stomach, they can’t stay. After the door closes behind him, so does the chest holding everything in. There will be a time where he can process all that happened, why he’s feeling like this. But now is not that time.

Maybe never will be the time.

When Steve sits down at the table, he’s hyperaware on the way he’s acting. Making sure his posture is the same as it always is. Unbothered, relaxed. When nothing is relaxed. He smiles at Joyce when she brings him a plate, thanking her. Makes conversation with them, greets Will when he gets back from Mike’s. Acts perfectly normal. To most of them at least.

Julie stares at him from a few spots down. Waiting for him to mention anything from the previous night. Eddie reaches under the table to squeeze his thigh, silently asking if he’s alright. Steve brushes it off, insisting that he’s fine.

Because he is fine, why wouldn’t he be?

After breakfast he makes some calls. Somehow, the papers were filed faster than he thought and he’s able to pick up the keys tomorrow morning. Just in time. He changes his contact information with a few places, making a mental note to do it at work his next shift.

Then, he just sits. Feeling unfamiliar in his body. Trying so hard to release the tension that feels sewn into his muscles. Wondering if he breathes deep enough, it will pressure his heart to stop jumping at every motion. Every sound. Stop his mind from racing between synapses without purpose. Snapping to snapshots of moments he’d rather not remember.

The face of his father as he yelled. The disappointment in his mother’s glare. The pain in both their smiles, perfectly molded for photographs. But one look in real life shows the cracks in their composure. They never smiled at him with true intentions, just to keep up the mask.

Memories he’s repressed all come flooding back. Screams of his parents fighting. Hands sore from how hard they clutch his knees to his chest. Hiding away, thinking that it would stop them. That if he went far enough away, he wouldn’t hear them anymore.

That was accomplished. He finally ran away. Somewhere not that far, but they won’t care enough to come find. He should be happy.

Every time Steve thinks that his parents don’t have any hold of him anymore, something happens. Smacks him just right across the face as a little reminder that he is nothing more than a product of them. Something for them to sculp into the perfect accessory. To look at but never really love.

It hurts. Scars on the outside are gruesome, but it is the ones lashed into his heart that sting. Dark in the night, when the silence creeps into his ears, reminding him of every wrong he’s ever done. Of the disappointment that he truly is.

Robin said something to him once that made him put things into perspective. Life is what changes people, makes them who they really are. It is the people that choose to stay that make the impact. The deciding factor. Back then, those words made him feel some sort of peace.

Now, it’s pulling him down to the same question that’s plagued his mind for years. Maybe his entire life. Why wasn’t he enough for them to stay?

Why is he enough for anyone to stay?

Sometime later, he’s not exactly sure, Eddie moves from beside him. Standing in front of Steve with his hand outstretched, waiting for him to take it.

“Come on,” he says. “Let’s go for a walk.”

Steve takes it, gripping it harder than he should. The familiarity giving him some peace of mind. Making the train stop in its tracks for a moment. Before it starts moving again.

“Woods or street?” Eddie asks when they get outside.

“Woods,” Steve finds himself saying. He won’t have to let go of Eddie’s hand if they are in the woods.

Eddie nods, leading Steve around the house and into the woods. Walking forward without direction. The same way he walked straight into Steve’s heart. Nothing was planned, it just happened. Even when Steve does plan things, it doesn’t stop anything else from happening.

“You want to tell me what’s been keeping you in your head all day?”

Steve knows that he doesn’t mean it to be pushy, but the words come off that way. No matter how softly they are said. Steve just shakes his head no.

Eddie nods again, letting them walk in silence. Just keep walking.

So many things have happened in these woods. Fights, searches. Life. Growth. In some ways, everything started here for Steve. One event that took place in these woods changing the course of his life forever. For the better, he says most of the time. But was it really for the better?

If it weren’t for monsters lurking in these woods, Steve would be the person he was four years ago. Young and stupid. Not knowing much about the world around him, but that didn’t matter. His brain was healthy, his ears worked right, and his eyesight wasn’t as blurry. His mind was anxious about normal things, like college, and grades, rather than something lurking the dark ready to kill him. Take the people he loves away from him. It never happened directly to him, yet he still feared it.

His torso wasn’t littered with scars that made him wince when he looked at himself in the mirror. There wouldn’t be a scar around his neck that made people do a double take. Blood wouldn’t rush at the flickers of lights and clashes of thunder. He would be able to enjoy looking at fireworks again, or a roaring campfire.

Life would be simpler. It would be different. Maybe then, he would have gotten into college. Made his dad proud for once. Be on the path to greatness just like he was supposed to. With a sports scholarship under his belt that he didn’t really need, but it didn’t hurt.

Maybe then he would have finally been enough.

A tear rolls down Steve’s cheek without him realizing it. Years of unprocessed trauma resting behind the gates. No matter how many tears were shed, it’s never enough to heal the wounds. All of his wounds.

At the end of all of it, Steve’s tired. Tired of the what ifs and endless possibilities. Tired of fighting with everything including his own thoughts. Beating back self-deprecation until it fights back enough to knock him out for a while. Wondering what life could have been if he walked away when he had the chance. He’s the only one who was ever really given that chance.

The kids lost their friend, so did Nancy. Joyce lost a son. Jonathan lost a brother. Hopper had a job to do. Max, even if she had a choice in the beginning, would have always been wrapped up into this because of Billy. Robin just wanted to help Steve and Dustin solve a puzzle. Eddie saw people die before his eyes. El was made for this.

Steve, he had a choice to make. Leave or go back into the house and fight for something that was worth it. Somehow, Steve always ends up fighting. Did he really want to this time? The damage was done, he didn’t want their money. What was the point of all of this really? To settle some score? Prove who the bigger man was?

Eddie stops them when they get to a small clearing, pulling Steve into a hug. Holding him close with a deep breath, making Steve do the same.

“I don’t know what your head’s been telling you, but you should know it’s not true. Whatever it is.”

Steve sighs. “I’m just so tired. I don’t even know why I’m fighting with them anymore.”

There’s a rustle a few feet away, paired with whispered swears. Robin comes into view, half tripping over a stray branch. “You guys really had to go wandering through the woods with nothing to communicate with. And you couldn’t have waited for me to get there first.”

Steve snorts. “I didn’t even know you were coming over.”

She walks over to them. “Yeah well, when your best friend gets kicked out, says he’ll call you the next morning, and then doesn’t, you start to worry. Your head being a bitch to you again?”

“Sort of.”

“Alright then, make room for me in this hug. Don’t make it weird, please.” She forces her way underneath Steve and Eddie’s arms to hug the both of them. Making a sort of triangle. Steve’s suddenly really glad that she’s here.

A breath releases from Steve. One filled with relief. Finally releasing the band around his chest. More tears sneak out of his eyes as his body finally relaxes. The adrenaline fading, reality sinking in. Weight returning to where it rests on his shoulders. The expected freedom is nowhere to be seen.

The reality is crushing him.

A choked sob causes Eddie and Robin to hold him tighter. As tight as they can in this configuration. Steve doesn’t know what he did to deserve these two. Doesn’t know how he got them to stay. But as everything came crashing down around him, they’re still here. He has barely anything to his name. Just a small house with a large loan, a shitty retail job, and a whole bunch of traumas that follows him around. But instead of running, they’re still here. They stayed with him.

Somehow, Steve is now on the ground. Wiping away tears as Robin rubs his back. As Eddie holds his hand. He feels the need to apologize but knows that they’ll yell at him for it. Still, the words rest on his tongue. But he stays silent, focusing on his breathing. Calming himself down.

“Feel better?” Robin asks softly. “It looked like the floodgates were pushed open.”

Steve lets out a wet laugh. “They kind of did. I think everything just came out at once.”

“Yeah, well, you went through a lot yesterday.” Eddie rakes a hand through Steve’s hair, getting it out of his face. “It has to come out somehow.”

Robin makes a small gasp. Probably finally seeing Steve’s face unobstructed. She looks towards Eddie, getting confirmation with a small nod. “Is there anything you wanted to talk about in particular, or none of it at all? Want me to tell you about something random just so your mind can shut up?”

“I feel.” Steve pauses to find the words. “I feel like I’m always fighting. Whether it’s the upside down shit, or myself, or my parents, it’s always a fight. I kind of just want to stop it all. And this case, it’s solid but is it worth it if I’m just going to feel like shit all over again?”

“This was always because you wanted to do it, but if you don’t want to do it anymore, you don’t have to,” Robin assures.

Steve picks at the grass. “I don’t know anymore.”

“You can always think about it. There’s time to back out of this, the court date hasn’t even been set yet.” Eddie shifts to sit next to Steve, wrapping an arm around his back.

Robin sits on the other side of him, leaning against his side. “Yeah. Fight, no fight. You still got us to go through it with you. Just take one step at a time.”

“My next step is finding beds for us to sleep in. I get the keys tomorrow and we need to move in kind of immediately.”

“Trip to the thrift store,” Robin gasps. “I love the thrift store.”

“Which one, the one on Mulberry next to the Laundromat or center of town?” Eddie asks.

Robin fake gags. “Not the one on Mulberry, the owner creeps me out. The one in the center of town, it has really good stuff.”

“Yeah, only after you search for four hours,” Steve snorts. “How long did it take you to find, ‘the right sweater,’” he mimics.

“That’s irrelevant. Seriously though, are we going? It might not have the best stuff, but you won’t be sleeping on air mattresses.”

“Maybe in a bit. I just want to sit here for a while longer.”

Eddie presses a kiss to the side of Steve’s head. “As long as you need.”

Steve kind of wishes that they could stay there for the rest of the day. Hidden from the rest of the world by the trees, listening to the calmness around them. But he has things to do. He doesn’t have to do them alone this time.

. . .

The next morning, Steve and Eddie are gone when Julie wakes up. Joyce says they have to go pick up some things and will be back around lunchtime. When they come back, everyone gets into their cars to go pick up some boxes. Boxes from the Byers’, Henderson’s, Munson’s and Buckley’s all being loaded into cars and brought over to the knew house.

Their new house.

Julie sees all the madness happening around her, as the boxes get brought and placed on the mismatched furniture Steve scrambled to get yesterday and this morning. Wondering if moving is always like this. Bare walls and empty rooms. Nothing but belongings packed in boxes and empty dressers, cabinets, drawers. All waiting to be filled. Waiting for a house to be made into a home.

Moving was something Julie never experienced until a year ago. And it wasn’t happy then. Just a reminder that she had to leave the place she grew up in without a choice. Without the person who always made her feel safe. It was all stripped away too soon.

Then the next place that gave her a bed to sleep in was terrible. Making sleeping on a park bench in the cold much better than sleeping in a bed. Until Steve offered for her to stay, and she took it. Finding something that could resemble the home she once knew. It was close, but never just quite right.

This place, it was everything that her mom ever wanted. The purpose of fruitless savings jars. Counting every penny from tips and saving everything that they didn’t need for bills. Only for it to get lost anyway, either from her mom’s vices or her boyfriend stealing it all.

But here, now, it’s almost like Julie can still feel her mom’s presence in this house. Feel a presence watching her every move. Smiling as the room slowly becomes hers. As this place becomes Julie’s knew home. It doesn’t feel so empty anymore.

Maybe this is how it’s always going to be from now on. The little twinge in her heart making her think of her mom. See her in all the little things around her. Making it all feel bittersweet. She’s still here, even if it’s not in the same house they lived in. Even if she isn’t here anymore. Julie will always have her mom.

Unpacking is chaotic. There’re too many people and everyone keeps putting things away without asking where either of them wants them. Just to get them out of the boxes. That won’t make it easier when they have to rearrange everything later. But things are better sitting inside of cabinets so they can use the counters to place more boxes. Things have to move so they don’t get stuck.

Luckily for her, Julie can just focus on her room. Steve found an old bedframe at a thrift store that got set up in her room and an old dresser that squeaks when you open the drawers, if they open at all. It’s fine for now, and it can be fixed. A lot of these things can be fixed. The only new thing in her room is the mattress, because apparently Robin insisted that they get a new one because of all the bugs that can live in there.

El’s there helping her unpack. Brought a few things for some decorations too since Julie lost some of the decorations in her room. For the second time now. But now there’s some photos on the wall of the group together, and a few movie and band posters. It’s not quite right yet, but it’s getting there.

A few hours later, the Byers’ leave, and Steve and Eddie go get some pizza. Leaving Julie and Robin to unpack the last of the boxes and set up a folding table and some chairs for them to eat on.

“Could I ask you a weird question?” There’s been something gnawing in Julie’s mind for a few days now, making her feel weird. Something she really doesn’t know how to put into words or ask Steve about. But Robin would know.

“Yeah sure,” Robin says while snapping open a folding chair.

Julie picks at the skin around her thumbs. “How did you know you were a lesbian? Like, that you liked girls?”

Robin freezes in shock, before relaxing with a small smile. “I’d say this is a couch kind of conversation, but we don’t have one yet, so how about the floor?”

“Floor’s fine.”

They sit down in the makeshift pile of pillows and blankets that’s acting as a couch. Julie staring down at her hands, nervous. She’s been feeling weird for a while now, and kind of knows why. But there are questions she can’t answer. Feelings she doesn’t want to believe are true.

“So, to answer your question, I think a part of me always knew I liked girls. When I was really young, I might have not realized that is what it was. And when all the other girls were talking about their crushes in elementary and middle school, I would just think they were so weird because boys were gross. I didn’t like boys the way that they liked boys. It wasn’t until middle school that I realized that I thought about girls the way other girls thought about boys.”

“Oh,” is all Julie can say.

Robin nods. “Yeah, that’s kinda when all the pieces clicked into place. After that, it was the denial and the trying to get it away. Act like everyone else did. But it never went away. I kept getting crushes on girls and was a total mess around them. Over time, I accepted it. Embraced it. As much as I could in this town. Now, I’m really proud of the person I am and have an amazing girlfriend. It’s who I am.”

“And you never felt weird about any of it? Like, something was different, and you just couldn’t figure out what it was.”

She remembers the feeling that she had two nights ago. When her and El talked in the middle of the night. How things just kept happening, and she felt so weird. Something was off.

Some of the things Robin said were true. Julie never really had a crush on any boys. On anyone, really. Sometimes, she would lie and just say she had a crush on a random guy in her class. Just to fake normalcy. When really, none of the boys ever caught her eye. What did, she never said aloud.

But it was a trend that she couldn’t ignore anymore. How girls would walk down the hall and Julie would find herself turning her head. Lying and just saying she liked their outfit. It wasn’t wrong, but it wasn’t exactly the truth. And then there would be the continuous thoughts of someone in her class that would never go away. No matter how hard she tried. And she tried. So hard.

Julie was already the daughter of a single mother that drank her problems instead of dealing with them. No father, no money, nothing. She didn’t need to be the weird kid that liked girls too. So she wasn’t. Until she was.

The pieces clicked, just like Robin said they did. They did a while ago. But like a lot of things, Julie pushed them away to be dealt with later. There was so much more to worry about. Get angry about. She didn’t need to get angry at herself too.

Looking back now, Julie did have crushes. Ones that didn’t make much sense in her young mind, or ones that she just shoved off thinking it was jealousy. It was easier to pretend it didn’t exist rather than face the music. But when asked if she had a crush on someone, it was always a girl’s name that rested on the tip of her tongue that she swallowed down and forgot.

Robin lets out a small laugh. “All the damn time. I think mainly before I accepted it all.” After a break of silence, Robin asks, “Are you feeling a bit weird?”

Julie nods, pulling her knees close to her chest. “For a while now. But my life was so full of so many other things that it was easy for me to ignore it. It’s not so easy to ignore anymore.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Robin sighs.

“And I just,” Julie struggles to find the words. “If what I’m feeling is what I think it is, I just don’t want to screw up what I have.”

Robin takes a deep breath. “Did Steve ever tell you how we became friends?”

Julie shakes her head.

“Well, the story is really long and complicated, and there’s things that I can’t really share. But the short of it all is that we worked together at an ice cream shop called Scoops Ahoy back when the mall was still standing.”

“I remember that place, those outfits were terrible.”

Robin laughs. “Yeah, they were. But that’s how we met. We really became friends while hiding out in a bathroom and I told him I had a crush on a girl named Tammy Thompson. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever done. I didn’t know how he was going to react, especially since it was also a rejection. But he took it like a champ and made me feel comfortable with someone knowing this big secret I’ve kept for years. And now he’s my best friend, and I wouldn’t change a thing.”

“Was it hard?”

“It was and it wasn’t. Telling anyone in this town about being queer is hard, because you don’t really know how they’re going to react. Hell, most of the town has Reagan signs out on their lawns. So that made it hard. But it was also really easy. The thing about Steve is he’s really caring and accepting about the people he cares about. He wasn’t always, at least it didn’t seem like it. But somehow, he grew up and became the person we both know and love. He might joke and be bitchy sometimes, but deep down, he cares more than he’d like to admit.”

Julie smiles. “Yeah, I know.”

“There were a few other people that were easy to tell too,” Robin continues. “Eddie, obviously. You and Dustin in the car. And Nancy, which was harder for a different reason.”

Julie stays quiet, patiently listening.

“It was different with Nancy because I had the worst, biggest, ginormous crush on her when I told her. I needed to know that she was ok with this part of me before I could even think of telling her about it. It was just as scary as you think it was. But after those words left my mouth, Nancy just smiled and gave me a hug, and the biggest weight was off my chest. Few months later, I had the courage to tell her how I really felt, and then we started dating.”

“You guys were friends before you started dating right?”

Robin nods. “I was so scared that she wouldn’t like me back, and I would ruin everything.”

Julie nods, letting the words sink in. She’s not alone in this. “I’m kind of there right now, I think. Actually, I’m not really sure. Just. Something happened and it made me feel really weird, but I can’t tell if it’s because of the other things happening in my life or if it is a crush.”

“And this crush, if that is what it is, is that about a girl?” Robin asks softly. “You don’t have to tell me, of course. Only if you want to.”

She takes a second before nodding. “Yeah,” Julie whispers. “Yeah, it’s about a girl.”

Saying it out loud makes it all real. Heart dropping to her stomach as her breathing increases. This was real. She was like this. Nerves fill her, making her want to cry. Some part out of relief, the rest out of panic. There was no coming back from it now.

Robin notices her change in demeanor, scooting closer and placing a hand on Julie’s shoulder.

“Fuck,” Julie whispers into her knees.

“Yeah, that’s kind of how it went for me too.”

Tears start to well up in Julie’s eyes. Today’s already been a lot, now this. She feels arms wrap around her, holding her together. If Robin can do this, like girls and be happy, Julie can too. It’s just so much right now.

The keys jingle in the door before it creaks open. Julie pulls her head out of her knees and wipes her eyes. Robin shifts a little away from her. Both of them trying to act normal.

“Pizza’s here,” Steve says as he places it on the makeshift kitchen table. He looks at Julie, before turning his head to Robin. Julie doesn’t know what she does, but Steve just nods and doesn’t say anything.

That night, Julie sleeps in her new room. The unfamiliarity of it all freaking her out a bit. She’ll get used to it eventually.

The confession from earlier still weighs in her mind. Only one face finding her mind when she closes her eyes.

. . .

March 1986

In the middle of the night, the trailer starts rattling. Glasses clanking together in the kitchen, books falling off of Julie’s shelves. A large clash comes from the living room, followed by a string of loud swears. Julie jumps out of bed, stumbling down the hall. The floor shaking beneath her feet.

This has never happened before. Sure, the trailer sometimes shook during a thunderstorm. But never like this. This was so different.

“Mom,” she calls out.

Her mom stands from the floor. “Stay right there. Don’t move.”

Julie looks at the kitchen, glass covering the floor. The living room is a mess, tv lying flat on the floor, decorations fallen off of tables and shelves. Rebecca pulls Julie into the bathroom, holding her under the doorway.

“What’s going on?” Julie asks frantically.

“I don’t know,” her mom responds. Trying to stay calm but the fear can’t be hidden in her words.

Just as it started, everything stops. An eerie silence fills the trailer for a few minutes. Until doors start to open, and screams come from outside. Rebecca grabs a flashlight and puts on her shoes.

“Stay in here ok, we don’t know what’s going on outside.” She leaves Julie alone in the trailer.

Julie’s heart thumps in her chest as she tries to control her breathing. What just happened? An earthquake? There were almost never earthquakes here. And if there were, it was just the remnants of one from farther away. What could have shaken the trailer so hard it forced cabinets open and made a mess of the floor.

Stepping carefully, Julie heads to the front door to put on her shoes. So, she doesn’t accidentally step on some glass. Stepping on the couch, she opens the window to look outside. Gasping at the scene in front of her.

The earth was split in a mound of broken gravel and dirt that seemed to spread for miles. Trailers split in two, dead being pulled out of the rubble. People frantically rushing around, trying to grab what they can and help who needs it. Sirens blare in the distance, some speeding right past the trailer park, some pulling in. Ambulances filled one after the other and more pass in both directions on the main street.

Julie opens the door and steps on to the creaky porch. More of the boards broken than normal.

“Max,” Mrs. Mayfield screams into the night. “Max, where are you?”

Julie sees her mom run over to her. “Susan. Susan, calm down.”

“I don’t know where she is.”

Julie hasn’t seen Max in days. Having left with some friends to hang out with over the break. She hasn’t been here. Unless she was part of the group that stole that RV. Julie could have sworn it was her.

Rebecca brings Susan into the house, ushering Julie back inside. Somehow makes some tea in the kitchen. Using one of the few mugs that don’t have cracks in them. Trying to keep calm away from the chaos happening outside.

In the morning, the news stories flood in. Streets split down the middle with destruction. Half of the houses pristine while the others are unrecognizable. All meeting at the town hall, marking the town with an “X”. Warning all who enter.

Then the people start to leave. Those without homes, those with. All packing up their minivans and cars with what they deem most important. Leaving the rest to be labeled as abandoned. The high school becomes a shelter. Full of donations and people the hospital doesn’t have a bed for.

Explanations are given but they don’t answer questions. People are found while others stay missing. First responders search through rubble, slowly crossing names off a list. The graveyards get their new residents by the dozen.

Hawkins becomes something of a ghost town.

Tag list(let me know if you want to be added or removed): @homoerotictangerine, @mugloversonly, @thesuninyaface, @imyelenasexual, @anaibis, @ilovecupcakesandtea, @brainsteddielyrotted, @jackiemonroe5512, @eddie-munsons-missing-nipple, @goodolefashionedloverboi, @cinnamon-mushroomabomination, @lolawonsstuff, @writingandmushroomdragons, @stevesbipanic, @sierra-violet, @steddie-as-they-go, @dauntlessdiva, @mousedetective, @the-daydreamer-in-the-corner, @zombiethingy, @connected-dots-st-reblogger, @that-agender-from-pluto, @allyricas, @cheddartreets, @devondespresso, @crypticcorvidinacottage, @queenie-ofthe-void @chronicpainstevetruther,

#stranger things #stranger things au #steve harrington #eddie munson #robin buckley #julie lawson #el hopper #joyce byers #steddie #long lost/secret sibling #secret sibling au #i don't know which ways home fic

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