#these men are usually also characters in movies or tv shows

[glitter-and-be-gay]

being secure in your sexuality means there are some general guidelines for who you find attractive on a regular basis and from time to time you can still go oh

#queerness #is such a useful and loving term #I can call myself a lesbian and mostly I do #but to be more accurate I’m generally attracted to a very specific vibe of femininity #and that means that on very special occasions I am attracted to men who have obscure personality traits that I can’t easily pinpoint #and it’s usually caring and being unrepentantly loving towards their male friends #and still there’s usually a physical component of softness in these men #these men are usually also characters in movies or tv shows #so I find Crowley attractive because of how they move #the androgynous snakey quality and the tortured psyche are my bread and butter #but NOTHING could have prepared me for watching actual person Michael Sheen smile and crinkle his eyes #like I’m sorry that is a legitimate man who is also very masculine and yes he’s got that very specific bi vibe with Tennant but #I’d still like to file a complaint

[mask131]

November is usually my Shining month, and so I want to bring forward again something I have been repeating for a long time now but that I don't see being picked up a lot by people. A detail that is well-hidden inside the Doctor Sleep movie, but that makes the piece even more infinitely appreciable and shows it was made by true Shining fans.

And this detail is... the ghosts of the Overlook Hotel.

Now, when this bunch appeared during the final scene some familiar faces could be spotted. Grady of course, the Injured Guest from the "Great party, isn't it?" scene, the Twins, and of course the Woman of Room 217 -sorry, 237. But there are other faces there - seemingly random people in fancy outfit just for the sake of it. People were confused as to who these people were...

But all you have to do is look at the end credits. And you have a big surprise.

The familiar faces are confirmed to be the ghosts we always thought we were, or to correspond to famous ghosts of the original novel. The twins are confirmed as Grady's two daughters, while the woman in the white dress (not on the picture above but you can her in the scene) is Mrs. Grady. Meaning we have the whole Grady family as ghosts. The woman of room 237 is confirmed to be indeed Mrs. Massey, just like in the book ; as for the Injured Guest (only referred to as "injured guest" in the original scripts of The Shining), the sequel decided to make him Horace Derwent. Meaning he likely can switch between a young/attractive and older/more gruesome form, just like Massey's ghost, since in the original movie Derwent was clearly seen though not named in the scene with the man wearing a dog-bear-like costume (the script confirms it is supposed to be a dog costume though).

Alright, but what of the others? Now this is where things get interesting! The bald man to the right of Grady? That's Vito the Chopper. Yes, the Vito the Chopper from the novel by King, the mafia boss who got his head blown off in the Presidential Suite - as for the two men near him, they are his two bodyguards, Victor T. Boorman and Roger Macassi. Also from the book. These three characters are actually an Easter egg for those who read the book (and we know from the original treatment of Kubrick's movie that the criminal paradise-era of the Overlook and the murders at the Presidential Suite were originally supposed to play a big role in the cinema version of the story too).

But things get even better with the last ghost of the group. He doesn't appear in the picture above either, like Mrs. Grady, but you can notice him during the scene, a large man right behind Mrs. Grady when the ghosts first appear (he is played by Marc Farley). And the ghost's name, as revealed in the credits is... James Parris.

Now, fans of the novel might wonder "Wait... Who's that? I don't recall reading about him". And indeed, you did not! At least if you just read the regular version of the novel! James Parris is however a true character of the Shining, a true victim of the Overlook Hotel, a character written about and invented by Stephen King... But he is part of the deleted prologue of the novel, "Before the Play". You know this prologue that was not part of the published novel but was released in various TV magazines several times, and then finally re-added to the main novel in the collector Cemetery Dance edition of "The Shining"? You must have heard of it - even before the Cemetery Dance release the prologue was going around the Internet, published on small fan websites and discreet literature blogs...

And James Parris was, according to the first part of this prologue (detailling the building and creation of the Overlook... and its first victims) the second owner of the Overlook Hotel. A man that was touched by the same obsession and madness for the hotel that had overtaken Watson's grandfather (the actual builder and first owner of the Hotel), and, if I recall well, ended up dying of a heart attack on the hotel's garden-grounds (near the topiary beasts if I recall well, but I am not too sure, I haven't read the prologue in a while).

So all of that to say - not only did they bother placing an Easter Egg for the fans of King who had read the original book ; but they also placed an Easter Egg for those that knew of or had read the Before the Play prologue, which most regular fans of the novel never even heard about! If this isn't commitment to researching your source material, I don't know what is!

#the shining #shining #doctor sleep #overlook hotel #ghosts #stephen king #stanley kubrick #kubrick's the shining #king's the shining #references #before the play

[yutasbellybuttonpiercing]

Soulmatch™ — App-grade your love life!

(new picture bc this is the renjun i imagined in this)

pairing: huang renjun x reader

au/genre: smut, humor, fluff, angst, strangers to enemies to lovers...?, non-idol!AU

characters: huang renjun, f!reader, best friend!jaemin, best friend!haechan, friend!chenle, renjun's parents

word count: 24.807 words (oh my god)

general warnings: mentions of cheating, men being dudes and dudes being bros, lack of communication, haechan is a milf hunter, trust issues, insecurities regarding relationships, hook ups, smoking, alcohol, mentions of vomit (nothing graphic or detailed, literally just the word), mentions of erectile dysfunction (???), emotional manipulation..? past na jaemin x reader, implied past huang renjun x wong yukhei / lucas, toxic masculinity, daddy issues, haechan and jaemin talk very vulgarly and do not know boundaries, mentions of virginity, crying, heartbreak, author makes use of their limited knowledge of tarot.

smut warnings: ...hate sex...?, unprotected sex (nuh-uh!), fingering and brief oral (f receiving), face-fucking, switch!renjun, switch!reader (?), pet names, a lot of imagining sex, brief choking, mentions of anal, creampie.

synopsis: Renjun is a hopeless romantic, his goal is to meet his perfect match by the end of the year, maybe even his soulmate. The perfect solution: an experiment for finding love through an app. Renjun doesn't care who it is, as long as they're a perfect match, he thinks. But then you show up...

a/n: i really love this so much. it's a bit different from what i usually do bc it has a real storyline! it's complicated (not really)! i really poured my heart and soul into this. i love renjun so much. argh! also, why do my endings always feel rushed???? help???

taglist: @she-is-dreaming @nctzennikki09 @babyjenono @noonaisreading

"Why the fuck do they need information on my favorite toys from ages five to ten?" Renjun groans, rubbing his temples before quickly grabbing ahold of his phone to facetime his mother. The ringing sound of his phone had always managed to annoy him, and he wonders whether there'd be a section in the forms where he could put that down.

Staring at himself on his screen, he fixes his brown hair. It had gotten quiet long over the past few weeks since his last haircut. Admittedly, he hasn't had the energy to leave the house, really, thankful for his freelancer job that allows him to work from the confines of his own four walls. Although, he'd thought about growing his hair out anyway.

Finally, his mother answers the phone.

"No, it's Renjun... No, turn the TV down! Down! Lower the volume," his mother shouts, not at him, but at what he could only assume is his father, judging by the Jackie Chan movie playing in the background, that after all these years, he can identify by the sounds only.

"Hello, Junnie," his mother finally addresses him, a gentle smile on her face, a harsh contrast to the annoyed frown she'd thrown at her husband earlier.

"Hey, mom," Renjun says, tapping on his own video so it would fill the screen instead of his mother's.

"How are you doing?"

"Fine, fine. Uh, listen. Do you remember which toys I liked when I was 5?" Renjun finally lets his hair fan over his forehead in peace, getting frustrated that it's not staying in the exact place he wants it to. He's only talking to his mother anyway. That woman'd wiped his ass a few years back, so why bother.

"What an odd question," she grins, briefly getting distracted by something happening behind her phone which she shoos away with her hand and a tight lipped frown that disappears as soon as he lays her eyes back on her son.

"I just need to know. It's really important."

"Okay, let me think. I believe you liked this one thing- this squishy" – her hand squishes the air in front of her phone – "what is it called?"

Renjun can hear his father's voice from behind the phone, "what? Plushie?"

"Yes! You had a plushie that you really liked!"

"A plushie..." Renjun mumbles, filling the letters into the field, "what color?"

"It was a cow."

"So black and white?"

"Those are the usual cow colors."

"Okay. And when I was six?"

"Honey, what do you need this for? Is it still this love calculator thing? You know I read that article about it online-" His mother raises her brows in concern.

"Yes, but I didn't want to say it, because-" Renjun's words get cut off by his father's obnoxiously loud voice as he yanks the phone from his mother's hands, his big head coming into view and Renjun has to immediately roll his eyes.

"That's nonsense, son, and you know it. Anyway, when will you come by again? I bought steak. You know no one can make steak like I do!"

"Yes, I know. I won't be able to make it any time soon, though." Renjun sighs, fingers fiddling with a loose string sneaking its way out of the couch cushion.

"What if I told you we had some fine wine?" – "Stop dragging our son into alcoholism," Renjun's mom finally wins the phone back, but Renjun can still hear his dad's laugh in the background.

Renjun huffs. "So? Year six?"

"Honey, I'm really not sure. You've had a fire truck phase, then enjoyed dinosaurs, then couldn't get enough of those collectable horses. You were a very diverse kid with so many different interests. I don't think you can categorize that or sort it into years. Just say that you liked all kinds of toys–"

"Even girls' toys!" His father laughs.

"Alright," Renjun sighs, pressing his lips tightly together before wishing his mother a good night and ending the call.

"All kinds of toys..." Renjun mutters to no one but himself as he types his answer into the box, shaking his head. He's been filling out these forms for days on end, and slowly he starts believing his parents' words that it's just nonsense.

But it is his only hope.

_____

"A what for what?" Donghyuck asks, mouth as full of burger as Renjun's own, hence why he couldn't understand him the first time. Renjun holds up his hand, chews aggressively, then swallows hard.

"An experiment for finding love," he explains a second time, and the crease in between Donghyuck's eyebrows only seems to be getting deeper with every word that leaves Renjun's lips.

"What the fuck is that?" Donghyuck asks (assumingely, Renjun still can't understand him over the huge bite of patty and bun inside of his mouth).

"You give a whole bunch of information about yourself to the scientists, and they use some software to find your ideal partner," Renjun explains briefly. There's a bit more to it than just that, but he doesn't want to overwhelm Donghyuck's brain while he's eating.

"Pff, okay?" Donghyuck says, a few crumbs of- whatever that had been only mere seconds ago flying out of his mouth and directly onto Renjun's forearm. The older contorts his face in utter disgust, shaking the sticky pieces of food off of his skin.

"You're a pig, Donghyuck," Renjun states, wiping the spot with his napkin because he can still feel Donghyuck's saliva on himself.

"I might be a pig, but at least I got game." Donghyuck finally swallows, grinning proudly with a small piece of lettuce stuck in between his teeth which Renjun has yet to decide telling him about after that insult.

"You don't have 'game'," Renjun spits, fingers motioning quotation marks, "you just have low standards. You'd fuck everything that bends over in front of you."

"That is not true!"

"Need I remind you of what happened with Chenle's mom?"

"She is a milf!" Donghyuck whines, letting his hands weakly fall down onto the table.

"Whatever." Renjun sighs. "Point is: I'm not lacking game, I just want to wait for the right person."

"Alright, two explanations, same outcome: your dick is dry as fuck," Donghyuck nods, pointing his fry at Renjun before he drags it through his vanilla milkshake and stuffs his mouth with it. Renjun presses his lips together, frowning slightly as he imagines the taste of that. "So when are you getting banged?"

"I don't want to get banged, Hyuck," Renjun answers, fingers coming up to rub at his temples. He knows he's lying, Donghyuck knows he's lying, so why did he lie? "There is more to it than sticking my dick up a hole."

"Just any hole? You didn't specify that it should be a pussy?" Donghyuck's eyes widen and he stops his motions. Renjun watches anxiously what a large amount of time Donghyuck's been holding a new fry into his milkshake for.

"I didn't. I don't care."

"You'd shag a dude?!" Donghyuck's shrill voice attracts the eyes of several people sitting around them.

"I don't know why you needed to let everybody know about that," Renjun say through gritted teeth, "but yes. I don't mind."

"I didn't know you were bi," Donghyuck finally sucks the fry into his mouth, then cleans his fingers with his tongue.

"I'm pan."

"Same thing."

Renjun opens his mouth to protest, but he's honestly a little drained to dispute with Donghyuck right now. Wow, what has he become...

"So, when are you finding real love, then?" Donghyuck tries again, empathically sensing that he just scratched at Renjun's teasing-limits and should therefore tone it down a little before he loses a friend.

"I finished filling out the forms a couple of days ago. They have to analyze it and then find someone in their data base. I'm not sure how long it's going to take," Renjun explains, losing a tad of hope with every word at the realization. It's probably going to take forever.

"Okay, then what do you say: one last time going out on pussy hunt with the boys?"

_____

Renjun realizes that this is not one of his proudest moments as he stands leaned against the bar. On the outside, he might look cool and relaxed (or at least that's what he strives for), but he's honestly close to being shit-faced and needs the bar for not losing his balance. Admittedly, it's been some time since Renjun's last time out and he's been a bit nervous.

"This is great, huh?" Chenle says next to him, cool as ever as he leans his back against the bar, keeping his balance with only his forearms. Renjun envies him.

"Totally," Renjun retorts sarcastically, but Chenle doesn't seem to pick up on it.

His other friends had already abandoned him, always with a dirty grin as they got dragged away by a pretty girl. Renjun just can't get behind this whole thing of hook-up culture. Why would you want that when you could- never mind, Renjun understands why people hook up. He really shouldn't judge other people when he's the one who signed up for a love experiment.

"So I heard this is going to be your last time going out with us?" Chenle asks, then takes a sip from his beer bottle. Renjun likes hanging out with Chenle, but the younger's busy schedule doesn't offer much time for friend activities. Chenle is generally laid back and doesn't judge others. Well, not really, he just likes to tease, but generally speaking, he is a good person to open up to.

"Yeah," Renjun answers shortly, not in the right state for a long conversation.

"Because of that love app?" Chenle asks, and Renjun briefly looks over at him to see a teasing smirk tugging at the corners of his lips.

"Yeah," Renjun repeats in defeat.

"I think it's cool," Chenle says, corners of his mouth turning downwards making him look impressed, but Renjun doesn't seem convinced. "You know, real love. It's rare these days, I think it's admirable. Really."

"Thank you," Renjun says, a gentle smile on his lips. "Hyuck's been teasing me a lot for it, but I just.. don't like this hook-up culture. I want to settle down."

"I get you, man." Chenle nods, clinking his beer bottle with Renjun's glass that contains the last few drops of a cocktail, then empties his bottle. As if on command, a girl leans against the bar next to him, whispers something into his ear while tugging at his sleeve. A grin forms on Chenle's face before he turns to Renjun.

"Sorry, gotta go. She says she needs Daddy." Chenle winks at Renjun who gives him a combination of a genuine chuckle and an awkward smile in return, then waves at Chenle's figure getting dragged towards the restrooms.

Renjun sighs, then his eyes scan the crowd. It's stuffy, the fog machine on a too high setting making it hard to even make out faces. It also feels hot, no wonder considering the amount of bodies dancing and sweating to the sound of the music, and the entire atmosphere feels too uncomfortable to find someone he could- sleep with. All of his friends are gone anyway, there's no way they could check if he got with someone or not. Sighing once again in defeat, Renjun decides to call it a night. He steadies himself, then tumbles over to the door, pushing it open to be hit by cool air. He immediately feels like he's drank 2 glasses of alcohol less than he actually did.

"Cigarette?"

_____

"This is not something I want to brag about," Renjun says the noon after, his butt placed on a chair in Donghyuck and Jaemin's man cave. It's actually just their shared home, but judging by the looks and smell of it, Renjun cannot not call it a man cave.

"Couldn't get it up?" Jaemin asks, an understanding nod moving his head. The younger looks messed up, respectfully, his hair tousled and eyes still not completely adjusted to being awake, the size of the cup of coffee in his hands an indicator of how he's feeling right now. Donghyuck really doesn't look any better, his body leaned over the table with his forearms supporting his weight.

"What? No!" Renjun shakes his head with a frown. He really loves his friends, but sometimes he wonders why he's even friends with them.

"Did you puke on her?" Donghyuck covers his mouth with his hand. Yeah, Renjun wonders in times like these.

"No."

"Did she puke on you?"

"No! There was no vomit involved," Renjun explains, eyes widened in alarm. This conversation slowly but surely makes him wonder how his friends' hook-ups tend to go... not that he wants to know, considering all this talk about throwing up.

"Then why are you not sharing every single detail?" Jaemin grins, scooting his chair closer to Renjun until he's uncomfortably pressed up against his cheek, reeking like coffee and sleep.

"Because..." Renjun frowns in defeat. "Because she was gone this morning."

"And? What, are your balls itchy?" Donghyuck raises his brows.

"What? Why would my balls be itchy?" Renjun whines, finally peeling his cheek away from Jaemin. "She didn't give me an STD, nor an UTI. W-we used a condom, I think."

"You think?" Donghyuck laughs, straightening his back from being leaned over the table for too long. "Did our Renjunnie hit it raw?"

"Honestly, I don't know why we're talking about this?"

"Did her pussy grip you too tightly to pull out?" Jaemin asks, nodding understandingly while padding his shoulder, "happens to the best of us."

"You're a maker, Renjun," Donghyuck adds.

"First of all, I don't know what that means. Second of all: the sex was fine! Great even-" Renjun tries to defend himself and his hook-up, even though he's not entirely sure why, considering she, well, left without a trace.

"Did she smell good?"

"What, her vagina?"

"Everything."

"Uh- yes? She used perfume, and everything else smelled healthy, I guess. But what I'm trying to say is-"

"Jaemin you bastard! You really have a problem, fucking panty sniffer!" Donghyuck laughs loudly, making Renjun instantly aware of his own hangover.

"Sue me," Jaemin leans back grinning, hands coming up in faux defense.

"It bothers me that she snuck out without even saying anything!" Renjun shouts, palm coming down on the table top with such force that both of his friends jump. It goes silent for a while until Donghyuck opens his mouth once again.

"I understand, man." He leans forwards, placing a palm on Renjun's shoulder. "That was really disrespectful of her." "Not cool," Jaemin chimes in supportively. "But look on the bright side: you'll never have to see her again."

"I guess that's true," Renjun mumbles, "but-"

"But?"

Hesitantly, Renjun looks into Jaemin's face, then into Donghyuck's. "It was really good."

Chaos breaks loose, both of them cheering loudly. Donghyuck begins laughing until his knees hit the floor – an impressive action considering the amount of alcohol his system has to fight – and even Renjun manages to crack a smile.

_____

"Jun, you might wanna see this," Donghyuck proposes hesitantly from the other room. Renjun, already annoyed about having to make his way all over to the living room and abandoning his brewing tea, sighs. What in the world could be important enough to summon him from the kitchen?

"Can't it wait?"

"Believe me when I say you might wanna see this."

Renjun aggressively throws his hands in the air for no one to see, he can't live in peace for even a second with this guy. Still, he stomps over, standing in the door frame with furrowed brows and crossed arms. "I swear if this is some stupid shit again-"

"It's your dating app."

Renjun rolls his eyes, "they've been sending useless messages for the past four months, I don't fucking care."

"It says they found a match." Donghyuck finally looks up from Renjun's phone, eyes wide and mouth shaped into an 'o' form. Renjun's own eyes bulge out at the preposition. "What?!"

He stumbles over, ripping the device from Donghyuck's fingers and holds it close to his face. Indeed, there's the notification. They found them. They found someone!

"Man you should really get your eyes checked if this is how-"

"Shut the fuck up, I'm the happiest man alive!" Renjun beams, smacking Donghyuck in the back of his head without lifting his gaze from the screen. Donghyuck mewls, and it sounds a little too much like a moan, but everybody knows Donghyuck is a little pain slut, so Renjun pays him no mind.

Renjun instead klicks on the notification, the application he hasn't visited in over half a year popping up slowly. There it is. The moment Renjun had anticipated for such a long time. He's a little disappointed that he can't visit this person's profile or anything, but he quickly forgets about it as his eyes land on a button that spells: 'send an invitation'.

"Hyuck, you have to go," Renjun announces, causing Donghyuck to lift his head, gaze drifting away from his own phone screen to look at Renjun perplexed.

"Eh?"

"Leave! I have to get ready," Renjun whines, peeling Donghyuck off of his couch by his wrist. Donghyuck complies balky, but lets himself get pushed out of the front door that Renjun closes in his face immediately, then rushes into the bathroom.

The invitation was sent for tonight, 8 pm. That means he has four hours to get himself and this shit hole he calls his home ready, and the task seems nearly impossible. That is until he finds himself, embarrassingly out of breath, ruffling his hair one last time in front of the mirror by the front door before the doorbell rings. He made it just in time.

His hands shake as he presses the button that opens the door, and a little harder even as he grips the handle to open the door to his apartment.

"Get a grip," he tells himself quietly, then puts on a smile as he listens to the footsteps climbing the staircases. His heart beats rapidly against his ribcage as his eyes focus on where is soulmate is going to appear in the next few seconds.

There, a foot comes into sight, followed by...

"You?!"

Silence.

"Hi?"

"I'm gonna need a minute-"

After splashing cold water in his face in the bathroom and pulling himself together, Renjun comes back to find you sitting on his couch, looking a little nervous, but generally contained and not as bothered by this disaster as Renjun. Sitting down, Renjun watches the arms move slowly over the face of his antique clock that with every passing second omits an obnoxiously loud ticking sound that is only overshadowed by the thick tension hanging in the air. Every once in a while, his gaze traces your form on the farthest end of Renjun's couch, staring blankly at the wall.

"Why did you sneak out?" Renjun puts his thoughts into words, eyebrows scrunched together in a mixture of anger and disappointment.

"It was just a hook-up," you turn your head to whine at him, "I don't know why you're making a big deal out of this?"

"Because it-" Renjun starts, but then decides that he'd much rather not appear pathetic in front of you for moaning about that being his last sexual encounter before formally agreeing to wait for the one.

"Alright," you sigh after a while, "I'm sorry, alright?"

Renjun clears his throat and nods, "okay. Thank you."

"I'd much rather talk about the important things right now," you say, turning your entire body to sit cross-legged on the couch facing Renjun. You take a deep breath before opening your mouth again. "I'm just going to say what everyone here is thinking: the app obviously made a mistake."

Renjun's eyebrows fly upwards as he blinks once, very slowly, "excuse me?"

"Yeah. I mean, no offense, but you're obviously a softie! And I like tall men,-"

"I don't think I'm getting this right, you fucked me before?!"

"Yeah, it was fine for a night, but-"

"And why am I a softie- or, first of all, why is that bad? We both did the experiment, we're both looking for a perfect match, or am I wrong?" Renjun did not even notice getting up from his place on the sofa, or when he started pointing an accusing finger at you.

"I don't know, you take it so serious-"

"And you're being a real bitch right now." Renjun furrows his brows even further as you get up as well to stand right in front of him, your pointer finger pushing into his chest.

"I do not appreciate you calling me that."

"I have done nothing wrong, I cleaned this whole place, and even when I realized that it had to be you, of all people, I was willing to work with it, but right now, I just want to..."

Renjun realizes how close you are to him right now, he can smell your perfume, the same scent you'd worn the other night. Even if it was whole while ago, he still remembers the dusty note that now once again tickles his nostrils, immediately taking him back to that night.

"...kiss you."

Renjun hasn't even closed his mouth before your lips press against his, your passion wild and untamed as your bodies press closer, your hands immediately going to his hair, gently pulling so it stings at his scalp as Renjun's own hands roam over your form to settle on your waist and ass.

His head is clouded, his mind hazy with the feeling of you against him. He's a little embarrassed of your affect on him, immediately growing hard in his pants as soon as you hump yourself against him, content sighs flowing from his mouth into yours.

It's hectic, hands touching everywhere at once all of a sudden, fingers clutching clothing in an attempt to rid the other of them, limbs tangling as Renjun moves the both of you to the nearby bedroom.

You somehow manage to peel yourselves out of your clothes, Renjun can feel how wet you are for him, and though he's so focused on only you, he can't help but comment spitefully, "you prefer tall men, huh?"

"Fuck you," you gasp before kissing him again, and Renjun does not quite know how to feel about this, maybe it's bad, maybe it's good, but he assumes that this type of behavior should not make his tummy fill with butterflies. It still does.

Renjun lines himself up with your hole, then thrusts forward. He doesn't take his time to prep you like last time, he finds that if you want to act like a bitch, you should be treated like one. He's also very perplexed that he's thinking like this, he never has, but he guesses you bring this side out in him.

You cry out in pure bliss as he stretches your walls that are struggling to take his size, your eyes rolling back at the overwhelming pleasure. Renjun's thrusts are quick and hard, ramming his tip against your spot in a way that makes you see stars and your thighs shiver around his waist.

Your orgasm approaches fast, almost embarrassingly fast considering you made such a fuss earlier, Renjun admits to himself, feeling proud as he pushes you over the edge with ease. The moans tumbling from your lips are nothing short of pornographic, and Renjun does not have it in him to shut you up for the sake of his neighbors.

Instead, he pulls out, then quickly replaces his cock with his fingers, pressing them upwards repeatedly to tickle another quick high out of you. His eyes are on you the entire time while yours are closed, assumingely overwhelmed with how good he's making you feel.

Once you writhe from overstimulation, Renjun removes his fingers as well, licking a fat stripe over your cunt before turning you around and pressing your face into the sheets.

"I'll show you how much of a softie I can be," he grunts before pushing in once again, his hand pressing against the back of your head as he crashes his hips into yours with such force that the bed frame penetrates imprints into his wall. Your moans are muffled, and Renjun decides that he'd much rather have his neighbors hear how good of a fuck he is, so he grabs a fistful of your hair and yanks you up.

"Oh God," you whine, back arching beautifully to take even more of him, and Renjun suppresses a coy grin at the fact that he's able to destroy you that easily.

"Hm? Not so soft now, huh?"

"I'm gonna cum again-" you announce, hands gripping the sheets as you try to ground yourself, to just take and take and take what Renjun gives you, and soon after he can feel you clench around him as another orgasm takes over you, leaving you weak and shaky.

"Too much?"

You shake your head, but Renjun pulls out nevertheless. "Get on your knees, I want you to suck me off."

Never in his life has Renjun seen someone hurry off a bed so eagerly. You open your mouth compliantly, like a well trained slut, and Renjun can simply push his cock between your lips and fuck your mouth. "Tap my leg when I should stop."

You nod quickly, then relax your jaw for him to use you. Renjun loves this sight of you. He remembers what you looked like when you came over, with pretty makeup and perfectly styled hair – and now everything's ruined, your hair messy and tangled, your makeup smudged by a mixture of tears and spit. Renjun loves how hazily your eyelids flutter as you try to look up at him, eyes seemingly focussing and un-focussing, more tears welling up in your eyes before they trickle down your cheeks, spit coating your chin as you gag a little.

Renjun believes he could get used to this.

_____

The sun tickling the tip of his nose is what wakes him up the next morning. With a groan, he tries to adjust his eyes to the bright light shining into his bedroom – the downside of having a bedroom that faces east. Once he realizes where he is, the memories of last night come flying back to him. He has to find his arms to be much emptier than when he went to bed the night before. He sighs, a hand coming up to run over his face. Honestly, he didn't even have to check the rest of his home to know that you snuck out again.

A mug filled with coffee in hand, Renjun lets out a shaky sigh. It stings, he's not going to lie, but maybe you have your reasons, maybe something came up, maybe you need time to think. Or maybe you just hate him and only want to use his desperate state of romanticism and body for your selfish nature.

This assumption is neither proven to be false nor correct when his doorbell rings a couple of months later. In the meantime, Renjun had done nothing but sulk, try to pull himself together, work non-stop to get you out of his mind, realized it's not working and went back to sulking, then the cycle repeated itself. He hadn't even updated his friends about the encounter for a lack of energy, basically. His apartment is a mess, empty to half-empty boxes of takeout littered all over the place, bottles with a last sip left left and right that Renjun trips over every few hours only to curse loudly and do nothing to clean them up afterwards. Basically, he's living like Donghyuck and Jaemin right now.

His feet drag him to the door. "Hello?"

"They're threatening me."

Renjun, without even having heard it twice through the speaker, recognizes your voice immediately. And before he knows it, his finger presses the button that opens the door with a buzzing sound. He curses at himself, panic arising as he listens to your heavy footsteps climbing up the stairs to his apartment. Once you step into sight, Renjun loses his ability to talk. Why do you have to look gorgeous? Why does he want to get on his knees and eat you out immediately? Why is he so weak?

You take fast steps and invite yourself into Renjun's home as he does nothing but take a few careful steps back. You then lock the door as you check the hallway behind the door through the peephole for any potential threats.

"Who?" Renjun finally gets out.

"The app developers," you mumble before retrieving from the door.

"Why?"

"They know I left, now they keep threatening me."

"I doubt that," Renjun frowns.

"Look!" You push your phone into his hands. Renjun curiously scans the last notifications the app sent you.

How did it go? Did you find your soulmate with us? Please rate us in the app store.

Hey! We found your soulmate! Now all you need to do is rate this experience.

Your soulmate is happy to have you. Thank you for working with us, please leave a rating in the app store.

Rate your love experience now!

Renjun snorts.

"What?" You watch him with furrowed brows and crossed arms.

"These are hardly threats."

"They just keep coming, this has to be a threat. Haven't you gotten any?"

"I don't know, I don't have the app anymore," Renjun mumbles.

"Right..." you say, finally taking a first look around the place. "And what happened here?"

"Stop judging me!" Renjun turns his back to you while crossing his arms. Of course he hadn't had the time to deep clean his apartment when he was busy sulking and writhing in self-pity for the past months. And, to be fair, it was all your fault!

"Alright, maybe they're not threats, per-se. They still made me feel bad..."

"Oh?" Renjun turns back around, eyebrows raised. "It has a heart?"

"Ha-ha," you deadpan, but Renjun can't suppress a smile as he makes his way over to the kitchen to grab himself something to drink, and you kicking your shoes off, and then following him on track like a lost puppy.

Renjun opens the fridge and pours himself a glass of the fruity water he's prepared a few hours ago (not because he felt like it, only because he was afraid the remaining fruit his mom brought over because she coincidentally happened to be in town a few days ago would go bad if he didn't use them). He lifts the glass to his lips and takes a refreshing sip.

You watch him set the glass down on the counter. "Aren't you going to ask me if I want something?"

With a hint of playfulness that he does not want to give away under any circumstances, Renjun scoffs, "yeah, as if I'm going to be nice to you after the stunt you pulled. Twice." Renjun holds up two of his fingers to highlight his words.

Your brows furrow as you open your mouth to complain, but you must have realized he's right, so you shut it again, turning into a cute pout instead. "I'm sorry. It's just- it's hard-" You give up and press your lips together tightly. "Can we- start over?"

"Oh? From what point?" Renjun raises his brows, lifting his hand to count with his fingers, "when you abandoned me the first time? When you insulted me? Or when I fucked you so good you couldn't stop drooling on the sheets?" He smiles in victory at your shocked expression. "To which I could also add: the first or the second time." He wiggles two fingers in front of your face with a smug smirk.

"I wish I could say this behavior of yours irritates me to the point where I just want to give up, but you're kind of hot looking all messed up and heart-broken because of me while sporting that victorious grin," you say and step towards him.

"Ah, really?" Renjun's confident shell starts to crumble.

"Why don't we start from the beginning?" You stop right in front of him, and Renjun has to press his ass against the counter to keep that little distance that allows him to breathe. Amused, the corner of your mouth twitches, then you extend your hand as your gaze bores into his.

"Hi, my name is ____ and I would love to suck your cock."

Renjun hates the way his breath hitches as he carefully shakes your hand for a reason he is not aware of. "I-I'm Renjun," he simply says, and the playful smirk on your face widens as you pull your hand out of his to lay atop of the waistband of his sweatpants. Renjun hates it even more that he feels his blood that just milliseconds ago thumbed through his ears now rushing downwards awakening his cock.

"Do you want me to suck you off?" Your voice is bittersweet as you bat your lashes at Renjun who gulps before breathing out a "yeah".

You smile, fingers untying his sweatpants before you push your hand inside to feel him up. "So hard, all for me? What a good boy you are, Renjun."

Renjun bites down on his lip, face contorting in pleasure as he feels you feel him up and down, his hips push forward involuntarily. Why do you have to be like this? Why can't you just be- less enticing, less hot, less able to turn his brain to complete mush every time he sees you? Renjun knows where this is going, you're going to give him the best, most amazing, jaw-dropping, eye-rolling, toe-curling head of his life, and then you're going to walk out that door as if there aren't still drops of Renjun's cum trickling down your esophagus.

Just as your hands leave the inside of his pants to pull them down his legs, Renjun grabs ahold of your wrists. Your eyes widen in surprise.

"No," Renjun catches your gaze that holds a whole lot of insecurities in them, or so he assumes. "I am not letting you touch me until I know you won't leave me again."

The look in your eyes tells him that something about this interaction hit a nerve very deep down, so he tries to lighten the mood with a light joke and a careful smile. "At least take me out on a date before you use me."

Jackpot, he realizes, as you scoff and pull your wrists from his grasp. "Alrighty then, what do you want to eat?"

_____

The wideness of his eyes expands exponentially with every word you tell the guy behind the counter of the nearest Subway who prepares your sandwich. He could mouth along your order because, even up until the sauce, it's identical with his. Hence, all he tells the guy once he's finished is "the same". You seem not to notice – or care – and the quick walk back home is quiet despite the tornados of thoughts winding through Renjun's mind. Is this how the app worked? Match people with similar taste in food? Though he doesn't remember putting his Subway order in when submitting his forms.

Arriving at home, you ask Renjun to put on a show to watch while eating, and when he plays his all time favorite, Modern Family, you announce that that's your favorite as well.

Renjun watches, half in awe and half scared for his life, as you practically inhale the foot-long sandwich in front of his eyes, and he feels his heart thumb just a little faster seeing you all domestic like this; not dolled up, and not with his cum dripping from some part of your body, just you being you. Apparently, he likes you more than he likes to admit, he's afraid.

"I think I'm going to delete that app as well," you announce as you wipe the remaining sauce and crumbs from the corners of your mouth.

"How so?"

"I have you now, don't I?" You shrug, placing your plate on the coffee table in front of the couch. Renjun's heart jumps at your words, then sighs and happily sinks deeper into the comfort of his chest.

"Does that mean- I mean-" But he is shushed by your finger pressing against his lips, that makes his eyes widen.

"Shh, baby boy, don't ruin it." You say, then get up.

"Where are you going?"

"Will you calm down? I just want to pee!" You whine, then march off towards his bathroom, and Renjun wants to punch himself in the face for watching you go with a smitten gaze, but he can't help staring. You're just too gorgeous. He loves the way you're so relaxed and funny, sighing lovingly as he admires your beauty coming back from the restroom to sit down next to him with a thud and a weirded out expression on your face.

"Why are you looking like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like I just took your virginity in a field of dandelions."

"I am not!"

"Whatever. Can we fuck now?"

The little hearts circling around Renjun's heart – metaphorically – shatter. "Are you being serious?"

"I hate to admit this too, but you're pretty good at what you're doing."

"I am more than just a toy for you to use!" Renjun argues, setting his plate down on the coffee table next to yours. Anger is visibly written all over his face, and you seem to finally get the hint that he's serious about this.

"Alright, then. What do you wanna do instead? Cuddle?!" You suggest, and although it does not seem like this is a legitimate offer, Renjun takes it.

"Yeah, for example!"

And that's how your back ends up pressed to his front as you watch TV, not without a last roll of your eyes, of course, and while Renjun affectionately plays with your hair, he has time to relish in the feeling of being loved for the first time since forever, even if he had to threaten you with deprivation of sex. Later, you even fall asleep in his arms, in his bed, and when he wakes up the next morning, you are snoring soundly besides him.

_____

"Do you want to meet my friends?" Renjun asks casually over the steam evaporating from the hot coffee mugs on the breakfast table. You have half a Baozi in your mouth, and Renjun can only guess your next words as they come out.

"What? Why? Are we getting married?" He assumes you say.

"No, I just thought, you know, since things were getting serious-"

"We are?!" You muffle with wide eyes.

Over the past days that you'd spent at Renjun's place without missing a single day (except for the 4 hours when you went to get your stuff... 4 hours that drove Renjun insane with fear that you wouldn't return), Renjun kind of started to wonder what it is that you're doing for a living that you can just disappear like that without anyone wondering where you are, but he noticed that you do not like to talk much about yourself. All he knows that your interests and taste are, quite frankly, scarily similar to his own. He assumes that you are just careful when it comes to opening up to people, so he is more than thrilled when he finds you next to him every single morning and decides that there will be a time and place for you to bond over deep talk.

"Calm down, I didn't mean it like that. It's just that we've been hanging out a lot and I think it would be... fun?" Renjun suggests carefully. A weight lifts off his heart as your wide eyes shrink back to their normal size and you take your time to chew and swallow before your answer.

"Okay." And then you stuff the other half of the steamed bun into your mouth.

"Great! I'll text them!"

"Today?!"

"We really have to stop talking about this while we eat."

"It's okay, do it whenever, honestly." But only muffled sounds and a few crumbs come out.

"What?"

You roll your eyes dramatically, then point yourself.

"You?"

You nod, then point to Renjun. "Me?"

Then you squiggle your pointer and forefinger in a way that resembles a pair of legs – "go?" – you nod, then point downwards – "here?" – you shake your head – "today?" – you nod frantically and press your pointer finger to your thumb – "okay?"

You finally swallow. "Man, I said it's okay if we go today."

"That was absolutely unnecessary. Now go get ready, I'll text them."

_____

"Where is your other half?"

"Probably inside of someone," Donghyuck says about the lack of Jaemin at the table, but his eyes are intensely focused on you. You on the other hand seem to have found great interest in your fingernails and refuse to take your eyes off of them. "Yo, is she shy or something?"

"I'm not," you say, your eyes snapping up to gaze at Donghyuck who looks a little taken aback. You smile sweetly, then reach over the table to shake his hand. "I'm sorry, I was just a little distracted. Hey, I'm the girl that Renjun fucks."

Renjun chokes on his own spit, and Donghyuck snorts loudly. You lean against the backrest of the McDonald's seat and grab Renjun's hand to hold. Renjun, finally recovered from his near-death-experience, can't believe what's happening as his eyes zone in to where your fingers intertwine with his. It even makes him miss that that was a complete lie since the no-sex-until-i-know-you-won't-leave-thing is still on the table.

"So, how is he? In bed, I mean?" Donghyuck folds his hands beneath his chin and leans forward interestedly.

"Oh, he's great, really! He doesn't look like it, but he has a lot of stamina. And, to be fair, he's not the biggest, but it gets the job done nicely, I especially love it when he-"

"Can we not talk about my dick in a McDonald's?! Please?!"

"Oop, looks like we hit a sore spot-" Donghyuck remarks.

"I am not insecure about- you know what? Fuck you. Go get the food, it's ready," Renjun snaps and pushes the receipt with the pick up number on it into Donghyuck's hand who throws you another knowing look before strolling off to get the food.

"I will not apologize for-"

"You're holding my hand," Renjun states.

"What?" Your eyebrows contort in confusion.

"My hand, you're holding it," Renjun says, lifting both of your hands into your line of sight to prove his point.

"Yeah, so?"

"I like that."

A genuine smile spreads over your face and you bite your lip, maybe to suppress it, but Renjun saw it, and look down at your lap. Donghyuck appears again, tray in hand, and Renjun would've missed your quiet whisper of "he likes that" if his entire world wasn't revolving around you right now.

"What are we talking about?" Donghyuck grins as he slides back onto his seat, immediately pulling a fry out of the box and dunking it in his milkshake. Renjun, still in awe that you're holding his hand, immediately notices how your face contorts in disgust.

"Why the fuck are you doing that?"

"Doing what?"

"Dipping your fry."

Renjun watches with heart-shaped eyes how Donghyuck's mouth opens and closes for a lack of a proper response, because – shit – that is exactly what he's been thinking for the past five years.

"Because I like it?"

"Alright," you shrug, then attend to your cheeseburger. Renjun mirrors your action, lifting the top half of the bun to peel the single slice of pickle off the surface before sticking the burger back together, not noticing how you do the exact same thing until Donghyuck points it out.

"So? That's what it's like when you found a match. Another great advantage is having only one partner whom you engage in sexual activities with. Ah, by the way, how is your itchy sack?"

"Good one, babe," you compliment as Donghyuck's face falls onto his BigMac, and Renjun could not feel any better at that exact moment.

"Sorry I'm late!" The voice of no other than Na Jaemin appears behind Renjun only to reveal said man seconds later as he flops down next to Donghyuck, forcing him to squeeze further against the wall. Donghyuck complains, but no one pays him any mind.

A heavy grin adorns Jaemin's face, an expression Renjun's grown to know like the back of his own hand over the past years. Jaemin's post orgasm glow is so bright and blinding that Renjun's sure he must have just gotten a blowjob in the McDonald's bathroom. His tongue slurps parts of his McFlurry off his spoon. Renjun watches as Jaemin's gaze runs over to you, and as if someone's flipped a switch inside him, Jaemin's smile drops. If the sudden silence wasn't so ear numbing, one would've heard it smash to the ground and shatter into pieces. Even Donghyuck has stopped munching on his food to scan the situation, the end of a fry sticking out from between his lips.

Renjun's heart stops, then starts thumping up his throat as he slowly turns his head towards you, and this exact process repeats itself as he sees how pale you've gotten. Your eyes are trained on Jaemin, and Renjun can see you gulp once before you suddenly get up, the legs of the chair disgustingly scratching over the floor, and leave the fast food restaurant with hurried steps.

Despite desperately wanting to know what the fuck just happened, Renjun hastily gets up to run after you, calling out your name, once, twice, but when he reaches the doors, panting breath creating soft clouds in the cool air, you're out of sight.

_____

Ah, what a great morning. That is what Renjun would have thought if it was opposite day. He is devastated. You are nowhere to be found, the apartment empty since he returned and he still regrets not asking for your number sometime during the past days, though there was no need since you'd spend all your time at his place anyway. But now you're not. You're gone, and Jaemin refuses to let him in on what exactly happened between the two of you that made you leave the place in a hurry, only for Renjun to find Jaemin gone as well as soon as he returned. He only found Donghyuck sitting at the table, dragging his last fry through the milkshake. They finished their meal in silence.

As the doorbell rings, Renjun falls off the couch, scrambles up and runs to answer the door. It's not you, though, it's Donghyuck, who for once decided to be a good friend and check in on Renjun, even though the latter would rather just lie down in a puddle of his own tears, and sob.

"I'm sorry, man," Donghyuck says, dragging Renjun into his arms for comfort. Renjun simply sighs. The warmth of Donghyuck's hug does actually help ease some of the tension in his heart, and when they part, Renjun invites Donghyuck in for some tea.

"Do you know what happened?" Renjun asks as he hands Donghyuck his mug.

"Not a clue. Jaemin hasn't even been home. I have some theories, though." Donghyuck takes a sip and curses after burning his tongue.

"That are?" Renjun is actually relieved to have someone else break their brain over this situation that is not him.

"Number one: Jaemin is her lost brother."

Renjun blinks.

"Number two: Jaemin fucked her mother and destroyed her parent's marriage."

Renjun raises an eyebrow.

"Okay, number three: Jaemin fucked her mother and is her father."

Renjun raises a hand to slap him.

"Okay, okay! Sorry. Number four, and this actually goes two ways. Four point one: They fucked and she is the one girl that broke Jaemin's heart and made him this way."

Renjun does not like the sound of that at all.

"Four point two: They fucked and Jaemin broke her heart and that's why she can't commit."

"I hate all of your theories with my entire being," Renjun admits, "Do you have one that does not mean something bad?"

"Um..." Donghyuck thinks for a while that, admittedly, lasts too long for Renjun to relax, "Jaemin once saved her cat and she never got the chance to thank him because- he fucked her mom- I'M SORRY that's all I can think of."

Renjun sighs. "I don't know. I just wish she would care about me enough to just talk to me, you know?"

"I don't think that's the problem," Donghyuck suggests and Renjun looks away from his steaming mug and at Donghyuck instead. "I think she cares about you a lot, but there seems to be some sort of past trauma that makes it hard for her. I mean, I'm not a specialist since you" – a glaring Donghyuck points an accusing finger at Renjun – "refuse to update me about every little thing like I asked you to, but I don't think this has as much to do with you as you think."

"I've never thought about it that way," Renjun admits, and a little weight drops off his heart at the fact that he is possibly not at fault, and neither are you. "Thank you, Hyuck, honestly."

"No biggie." Donghyuck shrugs with a smug smirk. "You can pay me back in kind."

"What do you mean?"

"A smooch." Donghyuck puckers his lips, but at the same time, the doorbell rings a second time that day, causing Renjun to jump and run towards the obnoxious sound. This time, it really is you.

"Can we talk?" You ask as you stand in his doorway, and Renjun can't do anything but blink in awe because, honestly? He thought he'd never see you again.

"Um, not to be rude, but we're kind of in the middle of something here," Donghyuck says with his lips still puckered for Renjun to kiss. Renjun, without taking his eyes off of you in case you'd vaporize once he looked away for even a split second, ushers Donghyuck to leave since, "he was on his way out, actually."

Not without throwing a little tantrum, Donghyuck lets himself get pushed out of Renjun's apartment. Renjun whispers another 'thank you' and blows him a kiss before closing the door in Donghyuck's face.

_____

"I didn't know you started smoking again," Renjun comments as you sit on his sad excuse of a balcony.

"This is for the vibe," you say, and blow the smoke into the air. "And maybe I had a drink."

"Okay."

Silence.

"This is really scary for me," you admit, and Renjun assumes that you're talking about opening up.

"You can trust me, I'm not going anywhere," Renjun assures, placing a careful arm around your waist and a kiss to your temple.

"Jaemin was my first love."

Renjun gulps. He feels a little part of his heart break off and shatter against his ribcage, leaving a stinging pain behind. Great, so you know Jaemin, and not only that, he happened to be the first one you've ever let into your heart. Renjun assumes that it's been a couple of years since then, but knowing Jaemin, he couldn't possibly be the best first love, or a good one even. Don't get him wrong, he dearly loves Jaemin – in a platonic way – but the way he treats girls is not something he should be as proud of as he is. But maybe he hasn't always been like this. Maybe you were the one to make him like this.

"Go on," Renjun finally coughs out. His hands feel a little shaky, maybe even a little sweaty, and he feels the need to wrap them around the metal railing separating him from free falling to his death.

"It was back in school. I fell for him immediately. He made me feel like the only girl in the world."

Renjun dares to look over at you to watch you sigh, dragging on your cigarette once again. You look incredibly pained, and as much as he wants you to shut up because it seems to be hurting not only him, but you as well, he needs to know.

"Well, that was until he took my virginity. Never saw him again after that until," you pause, clear your throat and take a deep breath and continue pressed with your eyes closed, "until today."

Renjun takes a minute to calm down his mind from running thoughts on overspeed. "I'm- so sorry that happened to you. I wish I could say he's not like that anymore, but... well, his moral compass enhanced a little... um..." Renjun removes his hands from the railing, wiping them on his jeans, then turns to you. "Look, I can see why you wouldn't want to hang out w-"

"No," you interrupt him, dragging on your cigarette once more before carelessly flicking the bud onto the streets below, then you turn to him, take a careful step forward and take his hands into yours. "I trust you. I want you to be the right one. I want you to break this pattern, I want you to change my future."

Renjun does not know how to respond. There's a part of him that wants to pay Jaemin a visit and punch him, but he knows better than to start a physical fight with Na Jaemin, the local gym's best customer. And besides, what would it matter? It's not like violence would change anything. "May I hug you?"

You nod, and Renjun wraps his arms around you to pull you into his chest. His chin rests in the crook of your neck, breathing in the sweet scent of your shampoo, and he is not sure whether it's a good thing that he falls for you more and more every second he spends with you.

_____

Renjun decided that it would be best not to see Jaemin for some time, mostly in favor of his own well being considering that Jaemin would dominate him if it ever came to a physical confrontation. Instead, he focuses his energy on making you feel loved and protected, and makes sure he never gives you the impression of leaving you. He mostly enjoys the quiet nights with you, creating as much physical contact as possible without being uncomfortable, and freely talking into the rise of the sun.

Renjun learned that it's only been you and your mom, most of the time, since your dad cheated on her when you were still a child. Then, as soon as you turned eighteen and got your first real job, your mother left the country. Not without saying goodbye, but apparently, she made it clear that she didn't want to stay in contact. Ever since, it's only been you. You'd always been by yourself, having to care for yourself, working hard to make enough money to be able to afford rent and food. In a way, you had raised yourself to be independent, and your past encounter with Jaemin must have just intensified your bias not to trust men after what your father did to your mother.

Still, that's all Renjun knows about you. And after 3 months of living together, he kind of wishes to know where you live – well, when you're not living with him – what you do for a job, if you have any friends for him to meet, but all he knows is your zodiac sign. Although, he calms himself down by telling himself that you need time to build up trust. After everything that's happened to you, Renjun is the last person wanting to pressure you.

It's only that one particular conversation with his friend Donghyuck he doesn't seem to be able to let go.

"How long have you been living together?" Donghyuck asked as he ripped a small piece off of the bread in his hand to throw it into the pile of ducks gathered in front of them at the pond at the local park. Donghyuck loves to go there to feed the ducks, and Renjun almost found it cute until Donghyuck told him the real reason behind his regular visits to feed the ducks at the pond: picking up girls.

Donghyuck swears that this is the perfect way to get a "chick" (his words, not Renjun's) to fall for you. Either they love this sweet, domestic side of a man who is soft enough to go feed ducks in his spare time which inevitably makes him boyfriend material, or they're there with their kids and- Renjun can't recall how this was different from the first thing. He only remembers thinking that Donghyuck has a weird obsession with older women, and the freudian curiosity in Renjun kind of pushes him to find out more about what that's about. Maybe another time.

"Almost three months," Renjun smiled widely, ready to spill information about all the great memories he had made with you over the past 11 weeks, like when he accidentally sent the pizza delivery guy to the wrong address or when the both of you giggled too loudly at a YouTube video until his downstairs neighbor knocked at his door and begged for you to shut up (admittedly, there's not much going on), but Donghyuck interrupted him with his hand hitting Renjun square in his solar plexus.

"Three months?! Woah, get it champ! How often do you do it?" Donghyuck asked, completely ignoring the way Renjun had to fight not to double over and slide face forward into the pond.

"We-" Renjun coughed and was finally able to stand up straight again. "We actually don't have sex at all."

In hindsight, Renjun's knowledge of physics and anatomy make him doubt the reaction he remembers, but he vividly recalls Donghyuck's eyes to drive out of his skull as he jumped about 3 meters into the air. Summarized: Donghyuck was a little surprised!

"Um, well, I didn't think it would hit you this early, but there are ways, man." Donghyuck patted Renjun's shoulder brotherly. "I still have a few pills at home if you want to try them. I get them from this one guy, and they're worth every penny, let me tell you-"

"I do not suffer from erectile disfunction," Renjun clarified and Donghyuck quickly shut his mouth, blinked a few times, then began to defend himself about how he doesn't need them to get hard, just to stay hard longer or whatever.

"Anyway," Renjun side-eyed Donghyuck as he finally stopped talking, "I just... don't want her to leave me again."

"Ah, that's how the land lies," Donghyuck grinned, "but buddy, it's been months, don't you miss it?"

"Not really," Renjun lied without cause.

"Don't you miss the way it feels?" Donghyuck leaned closer, warm breath tickling Renjun's ear and neck, his voice getting whiney and full of lust as he explained the warm, wet feeling of a-

"Okay, maybe I do!" Renjun said in defeat, holding onto Donghyuck's hands to stop them for making lewd gestures.

"Then there's nothing stopping you. Well, except for the fact that it's very weird how she just lives with you. Doesn't she have a job? Does she pay rent?" Donghyuck frowned at Renjun with raised eyebrows.

Renjun squinted his eyes at him, frowning as well. "Where is this coming from?!"

"I'm just saying, you should ask her about that." Donghyuck shrugged and poured the remaining bread crumbs from his paper bag onto the ground, causing ducks to zoom out of the water and gather around their feet.

"I don't want to pressure her. You know how hard it is for her to open up," Renjun reasoned, but Donghyuck seemed to be having ulterior motives, throwing a wink into the direction of a middle aged woman with a stroller. Renjun watched for a few moments as Donghyuck pressed his tongue into his cheek smugly, then shouted "just gave him some relationship advice while feeding the ducks", and how the woman chuckled and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, then decided he's seen enough.

Sadly, turning off one's ears had not been invented yet, Renjun thought as he stepped away after patting disinterested Donghyuck's shoulder as goodbye, still hearing Donghyuck ask her about the child's father, how come such a beautiful woman doesn't have a strong man at her side, and what she's going to be doing tonight.

_____

"Baby?" Renjun enters the living room to find you sitting in front of the couch on the carpet, carelessly browsing through a magazine with your playlist randomly playing tunes in the background.

"Hey!" Your eyes light up as you see him. Renjun sits down beside you, a slight smile on his face as he takes in how beautiful you look tonight, just like all nights.

"What are you up to?" He asks, curiously leaning forward to be able to look at the magazine as well.

"It's just a women's magazine, it's like fashion and make-up trends an stuff," you explain briefly still scanning through the pages before your eyes light up once again as you turn to look at Renjun.

"What?" Renjun chuckles nervously, but simultaneously loving the look on your face.

"Could I.. do your make-up?" You ask straightforwardly. Renjun's eyebrows shoot upwards in surprise, mouth shaping an 'o' as he looks up thinking about it briefly. He's never gotten his make-up done before, and although the thought had never occurred to him before, it does sound like a fun couple's activity to do together that could lead to excellent bonding time. Therefore, he smiles and nods at your request.

Renjun coos at how you get up to grab your make-up bag with a slight excited jump in your walk, then watches how you lean down to fish it out of your bag, gulping hard and averting his gaze as you so carelessly present your ass to him. The conversation with Donghyuck still playing in his mind, he realizes that, apart from wanting to know more about you, he really does miss being inside of you physically.

Before he knows it, you're back on the carpet next to him, opening your bag to reveal the endless depths of its contents, various pencils and brushes, tubes and bottles that Renjun knows close to nothing about.

"What do you want me to do?" You ask, and Renjun smiles contently.

"Whatever you want, I'm yours to play with," he confirms before realizing the ambiguous meaning of his words. He still means them, in both ways.

Although, you do not seem to be catching on, shuffling to sit in front of Renjun instead to have a better look at his handsome face. "Your skin is pretty, so let's skip foundation," you decide and Renjun's smile grows at the implied compliment. Instead, you brush his messy bangs out of his face to be able to get a better look at his eyes.

"Can I do your eyeliner?" You ask, gazing deeply into his eyes, and honestly, you could've asked him to jump out of the window and he'd respond with the same breathy 'yes' he did just now. Especially now after you've climbed into his lap for better access.

"Okay," you giggle, now a black pencil in your hand, "look up!"

Renjun does his best to follow your orders, but the eyeliner feels very foreign on his eyes, and as you ask him to look down next, he is met with your cleavage greeting him, and he has to concentrate on not popping a boner instead.

After a while, you lean back, admiring your work as Renjun blinks a few tears away.

"You look pretty," you admit, handing Renjun a little mirror to see for himself. And as he catches his own reflection, he must admit that you're right. He does look pretty, but honestly, he could've looked like trash right now and he'd still do this over and over again just to be close to you.

"Thank you, I agree!" He smiles, handing you the mirror back.

"How about lipstick next?" You suggest and Renjun's eyes immediately dart down to your lips, remembering the last time his own lips touched them for longer than a quick peck, and longing for that feeling. So instead of answering, he nods, trying his best to conceal his nervousness.

A lipstick in hand, you get comfortable on his lap again, seemingly either ignoring or not caring what your shuffling does to him, then attend to his lips. Renjun's now able to watch your face closely as you apply the tinted product onto his lips, falling in love with the way you look when you concentrate on something.

Your gentle fingers tap the lipstick onto his lips, spreading the color gently to create a faded look, but Renjun doesn't really care anymore. His eyes keep focussing on your lips, yearning to taste them again, and he feels like it's showing with the way he keeps leaning in closer.

His heart skips a beat as he looks up into your eyes again to see them already looking into his, and he doesn't even have to say anything before you close the gap in between your mouths and begin kissing him gently, leaving one, two, three kisses on his lips before drawing back to look into his eyes again.

No words are exchanged, it's just him who leans in this time, breathing in deeply through his nose as he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you closer. He completely loses himself in you and the slow song playing in the background. Your lips feel heavenly, and Renjun admits that it's really been too long since the last time he got to taste them.

Your hands stroke over his body just as his do to yours, gentle moans fall from both of your lips as you carefully grind down against Renjun's prominent bulge. It doesn't take long for him to turn you around, gently laying you on your back to the soft carpet, caging you in with his arms and deeply gazing into your eyes. You strip each other of every piece of clothing, taking your sweet time to show the other how you feel, and as Renjun finally enters you, he feels like this is where he belongs.

_____

"Hyuck, I'm telling you, it was absolutely fantastic," Renjun beams, hands in the air metaphorically mimicking a large object to visualize how much fun he's had with you the night prior.

"I'm guessing the rule of premarital abstinence is off the table?" Donghyuck teases, face mockingly serious, though a brow sneaks its way upwards to hint at his playfulness. Renjun presses his lips together, hands sinking to the table.

"You are just jealous that woman in the park only wanted you to be her new babysitter," Renjun shoots back.

"That's what her mouth said, but do you know what her body said to me about thirty minutes later as I rammed my dick in her?" Donghyuck crosses his arms, pressing his tongue into his cheek smugly, and Renjun just stares blankly ahead, right through Donghyuck's insufferable ego as if it was see-through and not as solid as concrete. Donghyuck leans forwards, forearms holding his weight hovering over the tabletop.

"Ah, fuck, you're so big, Donghyuck. Please, d-don't tell my husband. H-he really can't find out that you're making m-me feel so much better than him, ugh, God, I wish you were the father of my children," Donghyuck moans, high pitched and fake like a porn star, and Renjun snorts, laughter that threatened to come out winning the battle against his muscles, and he's sure he spit on Donghyuck in the process. Payback.

"Sorry," Renjun says and doesn't mean it, "have you talked to your therapist about this 'Mommy'-thing?" Donghyuck sighs and rolls his eyes.

"It's not a 'Mommy'-thing. I don't want them to be my mom, I don't want them to pack me a lunch box and sing me a lullaby," Donghyuck explains.

"Then, what?" The corners of Renjun's mouth twitching downwards, threatening another wave of laughter to burst out with vigor.

"Older ladies know what they want in life. They went through labor and stuff and mostly already found a man, so when they want me, I feel good. Also, they know how to please a guy, you know?" Donghyuck says, and Renjun's eyes are about to pop out from the sole pressure of trying to keep his amusement from spitting Donghyuck in the face again.

"Alright, then, if my love life is so laughable, why don't you give me some insight on how great your girlfriend's cunt squeezes around your dick?" Donghyuck crosses his arms, meaning to sound petty and passive-aggressive, even though Renjun knows that he is eager to hear every little detail.

"Does everything have to be this graphic with you?" Renjun contorts his face in faux disgust, but huffs out a chuckle, not ready to admit that, in all honesty, Donghyuck's words sent him right back to last night when you came around him, milking him for all he's worth.

"It does. Whether you like it or not, this is what you signed up for when you started calling me your friend. Now spill," Donghyuck raises a threatening finger.

"I don't know if I'm comfortable giving out information to fuel your next wanking session with my girlfriend," Renjun notes, but continues to spill the details nonetheless. "So, all in all, very romantic until I was like 5 seconds pre-orgasm and 'Jopping' started playing."

"Did you-"

"I did nut to 'Jopping'."

"I guess you were really jumping and popping," Donghyuck examines, then thinks a little longer, "I guess you were a big boy throwing three stacks."

Renjun looks at him, lips turning into a thin line before he slaps his thighs and gets up. "I think I should go?"

"I guess you really made it bang," Donghyuck says and gets up as well, following Renjun into the hallway with quick footsteps. "I guess you really made the crowd go wild in a small room."

"Stop!" Renjun begs, giggling nevertheless as he slips his jacket on.

"I guess you really got that glow."

"Donghyuck!!" Renjun shrieks, not even fully slipping into his shoes before he grabs his bag and opens the door, Donghyuck behind him clutching his stomach laughing. Though, Renjun gets surprised by someone already standing outside the door, the grin immediately falling off his face as he sees who it is.

"I guess it's in your- " Donghyuck starts, but the second he sees the person in front of the door, his laughter dies down, "... nature."

"Hello, stranger," Renjun says sarcastically, squinting his eyes at Jaemin who simply gulps. It's not like Jaemin to not say anything, or to not smile. Renjun immediately feels a little sorry, but at the same time, he doesn't.

Jaemin simply nods before squeezing in between Renjun and the wooden door frame, kicking his shoes off hastily and hurrying past a flabbergasted Donghyuck towards his room. Renjun's eyes follow him disappear, and when he hears the door to Jaemin's room close shut, he feels reminded of how things really started going downwards as soon as you crossed paths with Jaemin again. Of course it bothers him knowing one of his best bros 1) had his dick in Renjun's girlfriend and 2) broke her heart and scarred her for life. What bothers him almost more is how things went well, they were okay, but now Jaemin needed to show up again and make Renjun question everything he's built with you.

What if Donghyuck is right? What if it really is weird that you keep staying at his place? Why is there never a place you have to be? Admittedly, Renjun had pushed this uncomfortable feeling of something being off with your stay to the very back of his brain, not wanting to destroy what you have, not wanting to waste his last chance for love because of something as insignificant as 'oh no, my girlfriend won't leave and I also don't want her to', but suppressing worries is never the answer. No matter how far you push them away, they always resurface to bite you in the butt. And sometimes they bite you in the butt in human form with a perfect, pearly-white set of teeth and eyes that seem alarmingly less sparkly than usual.

Renjun decides that he has to get a grip. He's been so blinded by love, or whatever it is right now that's surely developing into love, that he just let you step into his life, ruin one of his dearest friendships and keep eating the contents of his fridge when he's not home. All this, he tells himself on the way home, passing by a group of guys hanging out in the park together drinking. He sighs. Wasn't it always bros before hoes? Pals before gals? Homies before blow-me's? Does that still apply when the homie is in the wrong?

_____

"Darling?" Renjun whispers as he enters your (at this point) shared home. The lights are turned off, your figure nowhere to be found. Renjun sighs, slowly unties his shoe laces, takes his sneakers off and places them by the door carefully. He realizes most of his shoes are carelessly thrown all over the place, and so are yours. After the sixth pair he's carefully put into storage, he realizes what he's doing.

"You stupid gremlin, just ask her. Stop wasting time," Renjun tells himself, finally taking off his jacket and hanging it up.

"Ask me what?"

Renjun swears his soul leaves his body for a good 10 seconds before he can breathe again. Your silhouette stands in the doorway to his bedroom, the light of the lampposts outside shining on your backside, hugging your curves and making you look like an angel. Renjun curses his artistic eye in moments like these.

"You scared the crap out of me," he giggles, a little intimidated and, truthfully, freaked out at the way you just stand there, seemingly faceless because of the darkness.

"Aww, I'm sorry," you say, and approach him, hugging his cool figure into your arms. Hesitantly, Renjun hugs you back. Something inside him tells him that you're hiding something. "Where were you so long?"

Renjun breathes in slowly, then out through his nose. "Just walking around, needed to think." He's telling the truth.

"Are you okay?" You pull back, looking at his face gently illuminated by the moon. Very lightly, Renjun can make out the lines of worry on your face. He lets out a shaky breath.

"We need to talk."

Another layer of clothing lighter, Renjun sits down on the bed next to you, sweatpants and a white shirt replacing his earlier clothes that kept him from freezing in the cool weather of an early October. The expression on your face is unreadable, though you look not happy, but rather full of worry, sadness and a pinch of anger.

"Okay, this... this is not an easy thing to ask," Renjun finally starts, hating the tension that's so thick one could cut it with a knife.

"Please, um-" you stop him before anymore words can leave his mouth, glossed over eyes finding his gaze and the sight makes Renjun's heart ache. Never have you looked so raw, so fragile, so... broken? "Let me say something first, okay?"

Renjun nods, sucking his lower lip into his mouth to chew on it. His heart beats fast, the sight of you in front of him almost making him forget why he marched through the streets of this town for hours with no physical goal, but only to make sense of the mess clouding his brain.

"I don't know... what exactly you're going to ask me, but-" you halt and stare downwards into your lap where your shaky hands are nervously fumbling with each other. "Whatever it is, whether you want to break up with me, I just want you to know that-" you gulp, voice shaky, "that I've never felt loved in my life except for when I was with you. You really showed me what love is, Jun. You made me love you. So, um..." you breathe out shakily, two tears rolling down and falling towards your hands as they reach the apples of your cheeks. "Thank you for your time and efforts. You really are the best person I've ever met."

_____

"You are fucking weak!" Donghyuck scolds, a little less playfully than usual.

"You don't get it, Hyuck. You weren't there. The sight would even have broken your sad excuse of a heart," Renjun defends himself.

"Excuse me? Just because my heart has Milf-shaped holes in it doesn't mean I don't feel empathy!" Donghyuck throws in, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Renjun feels a little less confident in his decision of letting you be than a few minutes ago. "What did you ask instead?"

Renjun bites his tongue. Admittedly, a day later, the decision doesn't seem as logical as it did hidden under the secure blankets of a dark night. "I asked if she wanted to meet my parents?"

Donghyuck laughs out, once, and very loud, then turns his body to Renjun and places his hands on the older's thighs. "And let me guess." He raises his eyebrows in amusement. Renjun is not amused. "She was like: 'oh my God, Junnie! Why didn't you just say that?' And playfully slapped your arm, and you somehow ended up with your dick so deep in her you could feel hear stomach acid."

"Ew, what the fuck?" Renjun's eyes widen, eyebrows furrowing, his mouth agape in horror. "Y-you know that's not how the female body works, right?"

"How would I know?" Donghyuck retorts, shrugging.

Renjun groans in frustration, hiding his face in his hands. Donghyuck is right. He shouldn't have let you off the hook so easily. He has the right to know! He deserves to have all the answers to his questions. He is honestly one incident away from making an AITA post on Reddit.

"Hey, hey," Donghyuck gently removes Renjun's hands from his face, letting his hands linger on the older's wrists, "don't beat yourself up, Jun. It's not your fault. If the pussy is tight, the pussy is tight, and there is nothing we can do about it. She's in your head, while you should be in her head – literally."

Renjun rolls his eyes.

"No, for real, though." Donghyuck softly slaps the back of Renjun's birthmarked hand. "Women have a different kind of power over us mortals." He looks deeply into Renjun's eyes. "You really like her, don't you?"

Renjun nods. "I might even use the other L-word."

"Okay, here's the thing," Donghyuck announces, now taking both of Renjun's hands in his, cheesily interlocking their fingers which Renjun chooses to ignore, "meeting your parents is great. I mean, inevitably, they're gonna ask her about her job, won't they?"

A spark of hopeful light appears in Renjun's eyes. "You're right. Thank you, Hyuck."

"Kiss me, then," Donghyuck says and winks. Renjun forcefully pulls his hands from Donghyuck's grip. "In your dreams."

"You don't wanna know what happens in my dreams, my dear Renjun," Donghyuck smirks and Renjun decides that this conversation has to end here.

"How are things with Jaemin?" He therefore asks, leaning back in his chair to create a bigger distance between him and the lecher.

"He's in and out, mostly when he knows I'm not around. I think I'm going to trap him later today when he comes home, and make him tell me what the fuck his problem is," Donghyuck explains matter-of-factly. Renjun admires Donghyuck for his confrontation abilities. Of course, Donghyuck is not as in the middle of all this as Renjun, but he himself would've dreaded running into Jaemin randomly in the hallway, would probably put a tracking device on Jaemin so he can properly avoid him, and – Heaven forbid – would not try to corner him and make him spill. Renjun really hates confrontation, he always has when it comes to people he's close with, that he likes, or rather: that he's afraid of losing, and this is probably one of the reasons why he finds it abnormally hard to tickle the kind of information out of you that he needs to sleep peacefully at night.

Either way, Donghyuck will get Jaemin, and his parents will get you, and Renjun gets all the information he needs without having to put in even an ounce of effort. Slowly, Renjun realizes that this is not that great of a foundation for a good relationship, platonically or romantically. Yeah, admittedly, he feels a bit like a wimp.

_____

Renjun's heart beats up his throat for no apparent reason, except for the fact that he's currently standing in front of his parents' house, having just pressed his finger into the button for the doorbell seconds prior. On his other hand: you, dressed up nicely as if you're trying to impress his parents, inevitably leading to a new hatch of butterflies dancing around in Renjun's stomach. He also quite enjoys the way your palm is a bit sweaty as you cling to his hand, proving that you're nervous, which means that you care. Renjun really likes imagining that you care.

"Son!" Renjun's father opens the door and pulls him into a strong, manly hug, his dad's large palm coming down on his back to knock the air out of him. Seconds later, the hug is over, and Renjun's father examines you.

You smile sweetly, holding his hand out for him to shake. Renjun's dad raises his eyebrows, grins, then shakes your hand aggressively. "Son, I gotta say-"

"Please refrain," Renjun pleads, and pulls you into the house. You both take your shoes off and enter the living room containing Renjun's mom who quickly fluffs out the pillows, then turns to you.

"It's great to meet you," she says, shakes your hand and throws Renjun a wink. Renjun cringes. He really loves his parents – well, his mom first and foremost, but yeah – but they have a disgruntling tendency to embarrass him. His mother, the social butterfly she is, immediately picks up a conversation with you and, to Renjun's upmost joy, you seem thrilled about it, your eyes sparkling as you talk to his mother. It's good, don't get him wrong, but beyond the surface, it's bad. There is a reason Renjun brought you here, well, not that it's the sole reason, but Renjun still needs to find out what it is that you do for a living, and when he gets blinded by this mind-numbing feeling of being absolutely in love with the way you get along with his mother, the dearest woman in his life, he will forget about it.

Hence, he excuses himself to see his father in the kitchen, preparing the food. Not that any of you or his mother would even notice his absence as Renjun's mom is already on her way to the shelf in the corner to pull out photo albums containing Renjun's best and worst memories growing up. But even as he stands in the kitchen, his gaze darts over through the open door to investigate your figure hunched over the printed stages of Renjun's puberty, giggling wholeheartedly over his mother's remarks about all of his friends in the past. His mother has always been good with names and faces.

Even later at the dinner table, Renjun is not able to concentrate one his father's cooking, or the light conversation taking place over the amount of food on the table that could feed an entire baseball team for three weeks. There is only one single thing on Renjun's mind: what is it that you are hiding?

Thankfully – might it be the telekinetic bond he has with his mother or just simple human interest – Renjun's mom, after a minute of silent munching, pipes up and throws the question into the room.

"Our Renjun worked hard to be a freelancer," she chuckles and briefly touches Renjun's forearm resting beside his plate, causing Renjun's ears to pipe up and his eyes to widen. "What is it that you do for a living?"

Renjun feels as if time stops, presumably because it does take you a little while to answer. You visibly gulp at the question, eyes avoiding every person at the table. "Well," you begin, then look up at everyone. You blink a few times and wet your lips before continuing. "I recently lost my job and am looking for something else at the moment." Your gaze catches Renjun's who can't hide his surprise. "Which is why I am extremely grateful for Renjun being there for me right now."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," Renjun's mom comforts, a sad look on her face.

"It's okay. I mean- the firm had to ax jobs because of insolvency, so there wasn't really anything I could do about it." You nod to yourself. The following awkwardness lies heavily in the air, and before Renjun's father can even think about bringing alcohol to the table, his mother pipes up once again.

"Don't worry about it, dear. You are still young, there will be lots of job opportunities in the future, I'm sure of it," she smiles encouragingly and you manage to send a slight smile back. "Which reminds me!"

This time, Renjun's mom playfully pinches her husband's shoulder who dramatically mewls at the action. "We were just your age when we met!"

"Oh, really?" You smile widely, interested in the story Renjun's mom tells next, going into almost every detail regarding their first encounter. Renjun, having listened to this exact story countless times, relaxes in his seat. He feels a bit bad that he basically forced you to reveal this probably embarrassing detail about yourself in front of his parents the first time you meet them, but a much bigger part of him is just relieved since, basically, this explains it all. Maybe he should feel a bit used, a bit hurt that you didn't trust him enough to share this detail of your life with him, but on the other hand: he is just glad you're not secretly a serial killer or do porn. Not that there's anything wrong with that, he'd just like to know.

In the midst of his mom's speech, he catches your eyes and sends you a gentle smile which you reciprocate. His hand gently squeezes your thigh under the table, and he is pleasantly surprised as your hand finds his, casually interlocking your fingers with his and putting them on display on the table top.

"Well, good thing you met him before the year ended," Renjun's mother finishes. Renjun's eyes almost pop out of their sockets. Why would she bring that up?

"Why? What's happening at the end of the year?" You ask curiously.

"Christmas!" Renjun says, a bit too loud maybe, since all eyes are on him all of a sudden. "You know, cuffin' season. Heh..."

The day ends pleasantly. Renjun has to fight both of his parents off as they try to make you stay over night or "at least for another shot". Oh no, he has to get you home and, to be completely honest, right into his bed, or preferably the closest surface to the front door that you're willing to take him on. Not even the little remark his mother had whispered to him as he was waiting by the door for you to finish up in the bathroom can make him want you any less right now: "I'm so sure I know her from somewhere."

_____

Days pass and Renjun is on cloud nine. Things are going absolutely great with you, you do fun stuff together, and Renjun can have his little daddy moments every once in a while when you ask him to help you with your job search. He feels giddy all over when he goes to bed, and possibly even giddier when he wakes up to you soundly snoring in his arms. Life is perfect.

But Renjun wouldn't be Renjun if he didn't worry about something, and this time it is the last obstacle to overcome for this to be the absolute perfect relationship: you have to vibe with his friends. Well, first of all, he himself has to start vibing with all of his friends again. He has not seen or heard of Jaemin since he met him that day, and Donghyuck had either forgotten to corner the younger male, or forgotten to tell Renjun about it (classic Donghyuck).

Hence, Renjun calls Donghyuck (so he can't forget to respond to his messages) and makes a plan to meet. Said meeting actually occurs on the same day since Donghyuck feared Jaemin would flee the country if they didn't hurry.

About an hour later – and don't ask him how he convinced you to do this (he might have been using the short post-orgasm timeframe to suggest it when your mind was still cloudy and you were grinning like you were out of your mind) – you appear in front of Donghyuck and Jaemin's apartment.

Before Renjun can even reach out to ring the doorbell, Donghyuck rips open the door, shushes the both of you and hurries you inside. Shoes off, you all meet at the stinky kitchen table and Renjun is reminded of his first encounter with you that he had spilled about at this very table. He finds it a funny little memory.

"Jaemin is in his room," Donghyuck whispers and Renjun can smell the garlic fried chicken he must have had earlier in his breath.

"You didn't tell him we were coming?" Renjun whisper-shouts back and purposely avoids looking at you because he already knows of the disapproving stare the back of his head is receiving right now.

"One: he just had a girl over, and even though I seem like the type to barge into a room that reeks of sex to witness Jaemin balls deep in a chick, I've seen enough of that. Two: if I had told him, he would've possibly taken off no questions asked," Donghyuck reasons and Renjun has to, once again, question why Donghyuck always has to verbally visualize all the tmi details of his speech. Renjun turns to look at you, and you look unsure. Although you had voiced your concerns on the way here, and Renjun had to make you promise not to bail on him, he gets where you're coming from.

Taking you aside (turning around since Donghyuck is openly swiping on his tinder right now that Renjun knows he hasn't set an age limit to) he asks, "Are you okay with this?"

You take a deep breath before nodding. "I want to do this for you, Jun."

Renjun has to ask himself when he started to connect the feeling of love with the desire for sex because why is the first though that comes to mind to bend you over the sticky counter and have his balls slap against your thighs? On that note, he also should stop hanging out with Donghyuck so much if this is how his mind describes sex...

Instead, he presses a kiss to your lips, and apparently Donghyuck's forgotten about his rule of being quiet because he 'ooohh's and laughs dirtily. Renjun simply pays him no mind, unlike you who raises a questioning eyebrow.

"I say I go in first, prepare him for what's to come, and then get him out here so we can all talk," Renjun suggests and everyone nods in agreement. "And Donghyuck-"

"Hm?"

"Leave my girlfriend alone while I'm gone." Renjun squints at Donghyuck.

"I'll try my best." Donghyuck winks at him before brushing his tongue over his front teeth and then biting the air in your direction. Renjun cringes.

"I can defend myself, don't you worry," you confirm with a smile and Renjun wants to kiss the floor you're walking on. Well, maybe not this floor since he is sure that ketchup stain by the fridge has been there since they moved in and got McDonald's on the first night.

"Oh, you know martial arts?" Donghyuck questions with raised eyebrows and great interest.

"No, but I can aim for your balls!" You explain, nodding excitedly.

"Be careful, he might enjoy that," Renjun comments before leaving towards Jaemin's room. He can hear Donghyuck silently arguing his statement in the background before promising you that he would not enjoy that, even though everyone present knows that's a lie. Renjun giggles one last time before turning the corner and stepping into the narrow hallway leading to Donghyuck's and Jaemin's bedrooms while wishing they would open a window every once in a while.

The few steps to Jaemin's door seem endless, especially as Renjun walks past Donghyuck's room that he had forgotten to close the door to, greeting Renjun with the pleasant sight of a fleshlight. Renjun whines quietly, but realizes nonetheless that he is happy to be Donghyuck's friend. He might be disgusting, but it's actually kind of funny.

So, without proper preparation of what to say, Renjun arrives at Jaemin's door. His hand hesitates in front of the "alpha male", "gym bro" and "Fortnite" stickers on Jaemin's door before he actually manages to knock.

The second Jaemin takes to offer him to enter stretches like gum.

"Did you forget something, bunny?" Jaemin asks as soon as the door opens. Renjun is greeted with the sight of Jaemin's massive back facing him as he sits at his desk, an online poker game decorating the large screen in front of him.

Given the nickname, Renjun doubts that Jaemin has any clue that it's him in his room right now. He tries to think of a cocky answer, but he has never been the spontaneous type, so all that comes out is "call me bunny one more time and i might kiss you" and Renjun has no idea where that came from. Still, it does the job of making Jaemin spin around in his chair, eyes wide in shock as he sees Renjun (and not bunny) stand in the doorway.

It's been a while since Renjun's seen Jaemin, and that might be one of the reasons why he finds himself staring at the younger's chest muscles for a bit too long for it to be a coincidence.

Once he's managed to peel his eyes off of Jaemin's nude upper body (he is glad he's wearing boxer shorts, at least) he aims to say something again since Jaemin's sure taking a long time to respond.

"Good day, sir," Renjun says and frowns at how awkward he is. Finally, a chuckle escapes Jaemin. Renjun also isn't sure why he's being so nice to Jaemin. Last time he checked, he was furious and wanted Jaemin to suffer a pussy-less summer. Maybe it's because everything else is perfect right now, and he doesn't have it in him to feel angry anymore.

"Hello, Jun," Jaemin finally says before getting up and wrapping his meaty arms around Renjun who experiences a weird mixture of relief, a spark of arousal, and the feeling of being crushed to death, so he just gently pads Jaemin's body in return. When Jaemin finally lets go of him, holding him by his shoulders and gently shaking him, Renjun reminds himself of all the disgusting things in this room alone so he can stop finding his best friend hot (namely: the dead cactus by the dirty window, the trash can that's spilling over with used tissues and condom wrappers, the countless empty bottles scattered around the place, most of which still containing an unnaturally colored fluid and some of which sporting little white clumps, the pin-up-girl-posters, the old gym socks all over the floor that he can smell from here, and the thick layer of dust on- basically everything Jaemin doesn't touch every day). It helps.

Jaemin steps back, opens a window and lights a cigarette.

"So, uh," Renjun starts, "don't freak out."

Jaemin nods and smiles.

"But I'm here with," Renjun halts to force down a smile and fail, "with my girlfriend. And don't feel pressured right now! It's all good. But we.. we came to talk things out."

Jaemin is not smiling anymore, but nods nonetheless. Renjun feels a bit bad, a bit selfish, even.

"Would you, uh-" Renjun scratches the back of his head before stepping towards the window as well because the distance is making him feel a lot more awkward "Would you mind telling me what happened? Back then?"

"She didn't tell you?" Jaemin questions, and Renjun is trying his best to decipher how Jaemin is feeling right now. Is he upset? Does he care?

"She did, but... I wanted to hear your side of the story. You're my best friend, after all," Renjun admits, eyes wandering around the room awkwardly before looking at Jaemin again. He is a bit glad his fingers find an old gum wrapper on the window sill to fiddle with. "I know it probably didn't feel like that for you in the past weeks. I'm sorry. It should've been bros before hoes but-"

"I know, you're a hopeless romantic, Jun," Jaemin reasons, "no need to apologize. I guess I just didn't like getting confronted with my ugly past."

"I get that," Renjun says and smiles slightly. Next thing he knows, Jaemin's pressing a kiss to his forehead. Renjun turns beet red within seconds. "Stop it, idiot, I have a girlfriend."

Jaemin laughs loudly. "What, am I your gay awakening?"

"You know very well who my gay awakening was." Renjun thinks back to his high school days, especially that one kid, tall, handsome, loud and a little stupid. Oh, meow, his first love.

Jaemin ruffles his hair. "So, my side of the story, huh?" He leans on his forearms and looks out the window, blowing the smoke into the cold air. Renjun, already shivering a little, wonders how Jaemin's not dying from the cold right now. "There is not much to it, really. I was a horny teenager, she was a pretty girl. It was not cool of me to just – y'know – hit and run. I have learned since then. Girls know what they get themselves into when they hop into my bed, I make it very clear."

"Very noble of you," Renjun says, and he hopes it doesn't sound sarcastic to Jaemin's ears. This might not be Renjun's preferred lifestyle, but to each their own, who is he to judge? "I'm just hoping this won't stand between us."

"Oh, don't worry. I won't fuck your girlfriend again," Jaemin promises, snapping the bud of the cigarette out the window.

"Not what I meant-" Renjun says, but is honestly a bit relieved to hear that. Well, he's pretty sure you wouldn't cheat on him, and he knows that Jaemin has about 200 other options just off the top of his head, but it still feels nice to be reassured. "So, are we good?"

"We are so good," Jaemin announces with a grin, pulling Renjun into another rib-cracking hug. This time, Renjun actually manages to hug him back. He loves Jaemin dearly (platonically), even though he's a real pig at times. Renjun daydreams a bit more about how much he loves his friends before Jaemin detaches himself from Renjun to announce that they should probably head out so he can apologize to the real victim of all of this. Renjun swears he's going to twist Jaemin's nipples until they fall off if he goes out there to meet you without putting a shirt on first. Jaemin laughs, slaps Renjun's back so hard the air gets knocked out of his lungs, then complies and slips into the next best sweater.

Renjun sighs as he realizes the writings on it. Better than nothing, he guesses.

He isn't really surprised as they enter the kitchen to find Donghyuck flexing his very little gain of biceps in front of you and you booing at him with your thumb pointing downwards. Once you notice Jaemin, Renjun notices how you tense up a bit, and he immediately comes rushing to your side to feel you slightly relax with his arm around your shoulder.

"Long time no see-" Donghyuck squints at the lettering on Jaemin's sweater, "orgasm donor."

"Might have not seen you, but I definitely smelled those stinkers you leave in the bathroom for me to find," Jaemin responds. Renjun is a bit surprised to find that this whole situation must have affected Jaemin enough to not even interact with his platonic soulmate in the slightest.

"You make it sound like I don't flush," Donghyuck mumbles, but it goes unnoticed since Jaemin has now turned to you.

"I want to apologize, which I should've done way sooner," Jaemin starts, and the tension in the air is scaring Renjun a bit. "I was young and a total dick, but that's no excuse. I'm sorry."

No one says anything, not even Donghyuck, who has an opinion or at least a thought on everything. It is quiet for a good while, and Renjun fears that you are not ready to forgive Jaemin, which, in all honesty, is fair, given you've lived with the trauma he gave you for years now. Renjun has tried fairly often since he found out what you went through, but he can't imagine how he would've reacted (and lived on) if his first love (who took his v-card) just left without saying anything. (He had to move to fulfill his dream of becoming an idol a year later, sadly, but they're still in touch, on and off. This also makes his encounter with you on the living room floor the other night a bit ironic, but that is besides the point right now.)

Finally, you breathe in. The anxiety in Jaemin's eyes tightens. Everyone is holding their breath.

"I forgive you." You reach out and shake Jaemin's hand. Hell breaks loose in Renjun's chest because, wow, what did he do in his past life to deserve such luck. He is so happy, he smooches your cheek. You giggle, Jaemin smiles and Donghyuck hollers in the background. This little party goes on for a moment before the atmosphere relaxes again. Donghyuck pipes up again to fill the silent moment with an unnecessary comment, "is it just me or does this situation call for a gang bang?"

"Donghyuck, I swear to God, I am going to stuff you head first into Jaemin's nut-napkin-trash can and send a picture of it to your mom," Renjun hisses, but Donghyuck seems unfazed.

"Nothing she hasn't seen before." He shrugs. Renjun decides not to question it.

_____

Renjun's life is so wonderful, he wishes someone would write a story about it. With him by your side, you actually managed to get a job which occupies you half of every other day. Although, you still live with Renjun, which he doesn't mind at all. He loves having you come home to a freshly cooked dinner, to then snuggle on the couch until you either fall asleep or start diddling.

Renjun likes when it's the second option, just like tonight, where he's seated on the floor in front of the couch with your legs draped over his shoulders as he eats you out slowly and softly. Your gentle gasps are music to his ears, the prime time movie playing in the background long forgotten and tuned out as his attention is fully on you.

The slight tugs on his hair make his stomach churn with desire, hands and mouth suddenly too eager to keep his teasing manner up as he moves up to kiss you instead. You giggle into the kiss at his fiery passion, suggesting to take things to the bedroom instead.

Renjun does not need to be told twice as he pulls you against him, making you chuckle even more, and moves you to the bedroom.

Your back hits the mattress with a soft thud as you smile excitedly at Renjun who comes climbing over your body to be at eye level with you again. His hands find your hips, caressing their way upwards while pushing the silky fabric of your shirt up in the process, allowing your braless chest to meet his hungry eyes. The rest of your clothing follows suit, Renjun feeling the flame of lust relight once again as his bare skin touches yours.

"Can we try something tonight?" You suddenly whisper, gaze trained on Renjun's face waiting impatiently for his answer. With his mouth slightly agape, he nods. His eyes jump to where your hand is suddenly touching his, following as you move it upwards to your neck, gently wrapping his smooth fingers around it and applying pressure.

Renjun gulps in awe.

"Press here when you push in," you say, eyelids fluttering as you mimic the action with your fingers against his. Renjun nods carefully, pupils blown probably as wide as yours with lust and desire, heart pounding in his chest as if it was the first time all over again. He will always feel like this around you.

Finding your entrance, Renjun coats his tip with your essence, teasing your awaiting body for another moment or so until his tip catches at your hole. He remembers your words, the grip of his fingers tightening around your throat as he slowly pushes forward, length sinking in slowly.

He's not even all the way in and he can already feel you clench around him, walls hugging him as if they're afraid of letting him go, hole almost fluttering at the feeling of being choked. All that paired with how heavenly you look wrapped up in ecstasy, pretty moans flowing freely only impacted by the way Renjun restricts the flow of air into your lungs and of blood into your brain.

Renjun loves you. He is so deeply in love with you he feels like he could laugh and cry simultaneously, stomach tickling with the all too familiar butterflies every time you look at him. He can't ever get enough of you, he needs you close to him. Never is he going to let you go. He will fight for you, whatever that might mean.

"I'm so in love with you," Renjun can't hold back saying, gently gaze caressing you lovingly. The slow pace he sets makes both of you see stars, length dragging along your walls perfectly to bring you to your shared high.

And it's probably this what makes it sting 100 times more the next morning. You were up early to go to work, kissing Renjun's forehead goodbye as he was still idling sleepily in bed. His mind is still groggy when he peels himself off the sheets and picks up his phone for the first time that day, weak hands struggling to remove the charger. Although, all sleepiness is wiped from his body the second he looks at the screen.

The pretty lock screen picture he has showing you during golden hour is hidden behind a bunch of messages that came in over night. But Renjun is not interested in the four messages he had gotten from Donghyuck ("TW: dickpic", a photo, "can i send it like this or does the slit look off to you??" and "or is it just me?????") or the Instagram reel Jaemin sent to the group chat with the message "me when i was in renjun's gf ha haaa" and Donghyuck responding with "clean".

What makes Renjun's heart drop, beat 20 times its usual speed and then drop again is the following E-Mail notification:

Dear Renjun Huang,

we feel the need to inform you that during our yearly check-ups, we noticed that there has been an incident with your account. Unfortunately, it seems like there has been a mistake made on the company's side regarding your profile.

It seems that someone has hacked into our system, gotten to your private information and pretended to be your Soulmatch™.

We dearly apologize for this mistake. To protect your safety, we have now deleted your account and all private information regarding your person. Please get in touch with us if you want to press charges against the intruder.

Of course, we will pay back the amount you have spent on our Premium Love Package immediately.

Again, our deepest apologies.

Sincerely,

The Soulmatch™ Team

Renjun is not sure how to react to this. Immediately, he checks the app, but he is logged out already. He tries to log in, but his profile is nowhere to be found.

Putting his phone down, he falls onto his back. His mind is racing with thoughts, but they do not seem to make any sense. Someone pretended to be his soulmate? He has never gotten any matches except-

Except you.

Was this... all a hoax? Were you not his soulmate? Have you been lying to him all this time? Why? What does this even mean? How did you do it? And most importantly, what is he going to do now?

Before he knows it, tears start pooling in his eyes, and soon after they drip hotly down his cheeks.

You lied to him.

Have you just used him all this time? Is everything a lie? Do you even love him back? Where did the lies begin? Does he even know who you are? Is this why you've been so secretive about every single detail of your life? Because everything is just made up?

And he just let you. He put up with all of it because he is a pathetic romantic who believes in soulmates. Because he is so desperate to find love. You lied to him with every fibre of your being. And he kissed you. He made love to you. He held you and comforted you. Hell, he even let down his best friend because of you. How could he have been so stupid?

Renjun simply has no words. And he doesn't think he has anything to say to you ever again. He just wants to know why, and how, but he doesn't want to ask you because you're going to lie your way out of it anyway, no?

Shaky legs allow him to get up and walk over into the living room where all your stuff is scattered around.

He is so stupid. He let you live with him. He trusted you without question.

And you used him.

He never wants to see you or any of your stuff ever again, he decides as he kicks against your backpack leaned against the couch, wincing in pain immediately as the contents of the backpack appear to be much more solid than he presumed. His hands grab ahold of his injured foot, causing him to pathetically jump around on one leg until he gives up and falls onto the couch. Wow, he can't even have his dramatic meltdown without being an embarrassing idiot.

The next few hours he spends mostly crying or angrily pacing around. He's thrown all your stuff into a corner and covered it with a blanket so he doesn't need to get reminded of how he's just a pathetic loser every few minutes, although it doesn't help.

He is not sure whether to be upset about the fact that you can't use your phone at work or not, he only knows that by the time 2pm comes around (the time you get off work) he starts to panic.

He is not going to face you. Not now, not like this, preferably not ever. He debates if he should call you, but knowing how easily influenced he is, he'd probably let you lull him in again. No way is he going to face you, nor your voice, nor your texts. All that's left to notify you that Renjun wants you out of his life immediately is a handwritten note to leave while he goes and takes a walk, and hopefully by the time he comes back, you and all your stuff are gone.

Unfortunately, before he can even get a pen and a piece of paper, he hears the keys jiggling as the door is being unlocked. Renjun briefly debates whether jumping out the window would hurt less than this encounter.

"Honey I'm h-" your face comes into view, and Renjun feels his heart beat up his throat. He feels so uncomfortable, so bad, so stupid, so pathetic. "What's wrong?"

Okay, great. It seems to be written all over his face how his morning went.

"Don't you have anything to say to me?" Is all he gets out, cringing at how shaky his voice is, how weak and cracked it sounds after he's dramatically sobbed for a good half of his morning.

"What do you mean?" Your brows contort, and Renjun is glad that he for once does not feel any sexual attraction to you while you're fighting. This was too much.

"Maybe how you lied to me about every single aspect of your life?"

"Huh??"

Renjun wipes his face with one hand. "Didn't know you could hack."

The utter confusion on your face turns into an expression of shock, fear even. "Oh God, oh God."

"That's right, now you remember," Renjun says passive aggressively.

"I think I'm gonna throw up," you say, not meeting Renjun's eyes as you hold your stomach.

"Listen. I'm not going to scream at you. I just want you out. Out of here and out of my life," Renjun says and is surprised at how calm he appears.

"No, no, no, please. I can explain-"

"You can explain all you want, how can I ever believe something you say ever again after all you did was lie? Do you even love me?" Renjun raises his voice against his own better judgement, tears appearing in his eyes once again, but he doesn't let them spill out. He can't give you that kind of satisfaction.

By now, you're kneeling on the floor. The one and a half meters separating you from him feel endless, you're crying restlessly and Renjun doesn't even feel a pinch of empathy for you.

"I do! I love you, please, Renjun, please, you're all I have," you beg.

At this, Renjun feels his heart shatter a little more. Maybe he does have a bit of empathy for you. At the same time, a new wave of anger arises.

"I trusted you. I gave you everything. And you just- you lied. All you did was lie!"

"That's not true! I-" you suddenly crawl over to him and Renjun takes a step back. "I promise. I love you. Maybe the beginning was- fucked up, but everything after that was sincere! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please!"

At this point, the gates of pride can no longer contain Renjun's tears and he breaks down as well, his knees hit the floor in front of you and he begins sobbing. "How could you do this to me?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," is all you reply, hands reaching out to touch him, and he flinches back, but somehow still lets it happen, lets your arms wrap around him and burry your face in the crook of his neck as you pathetically whimper into the fabric of his shirt.

Renjun follows suit. Of course, he hates you right now, but a very big part of him is in love with you – or rather with the version of you that you made up (???). Not listening to the part of his consciousness screaming at him to stop, he wraps his arms around you as well, crying wholeheartedly against your shaking body.

He has no idea how long you sit there, his legs have gone numb at this point, everything hurts, and then you finally speak up.

"I can explain. It's not good, it's not nice, it's no excuse, but I at least want you to know the truth and not whatever truth you've made up in your head."

Renjun nods. He shouldn't, but he wants you to tell him what really happened.

He also hates that you know him so well.

You somehow find yourselves on the living room floor a few minutes later. Renjun's brought two bottles of water to hydrate after that crying fest out there.

"So, the app," you start, not meeting Renjun's eyes in the slightest. "I used to- work for them."

You take some time to let that sink in. Renjun decides he does not want to respond until the end.

"There was a huge data leakage, and I thought I had it under control, but turns out I didn't, which is why I had to meet you to get you to delete your profile- it's complicated. Or maybe I just made it complicated. But that is why.. you got that weird match. Usually, you can visit that person's profile, but obviously I couldn't have you see it was me because of- our previous encounter, which by the way wasn't planned! It was really just a coincidence!"

Renjun is unsure how this is making him feel.

"Anyway, so I came over. You went to the bathroom and I deleted the app of your phone. Silly me apparently forgot that i had to delete the profile, which is why I came back. I didn't plan for us to hook up again- or whatever. I just needed enough time to delete your profile, which I fucked up. This is already bad enough, but it gets worse."

Renjun does not like where this is going.

"Obviously, I got fired. And you know my situation by now, this was literally all I had. With what I had saved, it lasted me about half a year until I had no money left, I had no idea what to do. I applied for jobs everywhere, but no one was willing to hire me after finding out why I got fired last time. This is where it gets really fucked up. I'm sorry."

Your nervous fiddling makes Renjun believe you, even though he is not sure if he should.

"I- thought that... oh, God, this is so bad."

"Just say it," Renjun says and is not really surprised by how dead inside he sounds.

"Well, I thought that maybe if I like had sex with you again, you'd let me stay with you? I really don't know what the plan was, but... literally you're the only person I knew and... I don't know, I just thought- I guess I didn't think. But then you said you didn't want to have sex anymore, but wanted me to stay anyway- so I... used you... I mean, I still... liked you? Obviously, or else I wouldn't've slept with you.. twice! I mean- God, I'm such a horrible person.."

Renjun doesn't have to say anything to that.

"Well, and then things went so great – except for the Jaemin thing – and for the first time ever, I felt loved? Because I was? Literally, half the time I wished I would've stayed the time we first hooked up so we could have a normal relationship that isn't based on me trying to save my ass and using you... But everything was so beautiful. You made me feel safe, and I pretty much forgot about the app. I really just enjoyed being with you. I enjoyed falling in love with you. Even meeting your parents and friends, how you sorted out the Jaemin thing for me..."

Renjun believes you are genuine.

"That's it... I think.. I just- I'm sorry... I shouldn't have lied to you.. I should've just been honest from the beginning and said I made a mistake or whatever but- I don't know, I didn't. I guess I was scared? I don't know.. But please, I need you to believe me when I say everything after that was real. I love you. I like you, everything about you, and not only because you're kind and offered me a home... basically, no. I like you for you. I love you. Even if you-" you choke up briefly "decide that you don't want to be with me anymore, I just need you to believe me when I say... that I truly love you. I never lied about that, ever. Not once. And I wouldn't in a million years."

"Is that all?" Renjun asks after a minute. You, looking at him for the first time, nod. Before his heart can start beating again, before the butterflies can come back, he needs to remind himself that you used him. You used him and you lied.

"I mean, this is a lot," Renjun starts. You suddenly seem to be unable to look at him anymore. "I feel- actually I don't really know how I feel, but thank you for.. being honest, I hope?"

"I promise."

"I'm going to be honest, I feel... betrayed?"

"Rightfully so."

"I need some time to think about it... Is it.. okay.." Renjun rethinks his decision of asking you beforehand, "I'm going to need to take a walk.. clear my head, make up my mind. I'm not going to ask you to stay, but I'm also not asking you to leave. Do what you will..."

"I understand," you nod, and Renjun gets up. "Wait-"

Renjun halts and turns around to look at you getting up from your place on the carpet. "This might be.. wrong? Toxic? But... can I... if this is the last time I can... if you decide to.. not be with me... can I kiss you one last time?"

Renjun feels his throat close up at your words. Either you're a really, really good liar or you're being honest about your feelings. His breath hitches, his heart performs summersaults in his chest, and his voice trembles, "you can."

Carefully you lean in, slowly pressing your lips against his. There is not much going on, your hands gently hover on his shoulders, barely touching him at all, and your lips just stay still against his. Still, Renjun feels like a thousand silent words and a million hidden emotions clear up as his eyes close to feel you against him. His breath is shaky, he feels himself getting hot as more tears well up behind his closed lids. He really doesn't want to let you go.

As you part from him, his lips chase you for a split second before he realizes what he's doing. "I should get going."

"Be safe." You nod again and Renjun hears the threatening tears in your voice. God, how badly he wants to believe you.

'I love you, I love you!', his heart screams at him to scream at you, but he doesn't. Instead, he steps out of the room, grabs his keys, slips into his shoes and jacket, and heads out without looking back.

The cold air hits his face. Yet, unlike in the movies, he still doesn't feel any clearer. He still feels used and betrayed, he still feels like shit, but he knows he loves you. But is that enough of a reason to forgive you?

He tries to be logical, debate his options, but he can't focus. All that swirls around his brain is how your lips felt on his, and he wonders if kissing you was a mistake. This stupid, romantic mind of his...

Inevitably, after walking around the neighborhood for a good hour, thinking of nothing and everything, he decides that maybe he still isn't in the right mind to make a decision on his own. But who is he going to ask? Fucknut #1 and Serial-Fucker #2? Definitely not.

Therefore, he is glad his mother answers the phone after the second ring. Immediately, she knows something is up, and Renjun repeats the things you have told him (with less sexual details, as to be expected) to his mother who listens patiently.

Except for a "that's where I know her from!" and a short explanation how she saw a picture of you amongst your colleagues when she read that article about the love app, she just listens. Maybe he should've asked her about it back then, about the article. Maybe none of this would have happened. But then, he wouldn't have you in his life.

When he is done and asks for advice, she appears calm.

"Oh, Junnie. Love can be a funny thing. See, when I met your father, it wasn't easy either. Both of our families were against us, our lives were so different from each other, and still, there was so much connecting us that it had to be fate. I know it's hard to trust after something like this, I can only imagine what you're feeling right now, but you're a smart kid, you'll know what's right."

"But what would you do? What do you think?" Renjun asks.

His mother sighs and chuckles slightly. "Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic like you are, but... people make mistakes, Junnie. The universe brought you together so many times, I think it's fate. I don't know if you should forgive her, but I know I would."

"You would? You don't think I'm crazy? You don't think I'm letting her walk all over me?"

"Not that this should matter, but you haven't been completely honest with her either if I remember correctly?" His mom reminds him, and Renjun suddenly feels a bit lighter.

"The psychic," he mumbles.

"That's right. She told you you were going to be alone forever if you didn't meet someone by the end of this year, and that's the reason you signed up for that app in the first place. And a part of me believes that that's the reason why you even let her stay with you, why you were so willing to ignore all signs that something was up. Maybe you already knew?" His mother suggests and Renjun doesn't like it one bit how similar they are. Or maybe he does.

"How do you know me so well?" He whines, feeling a bit more confident about letting that kiss linger in his mind for so long.

"I raised you!" She chuckles and Renjun can feel himself smile. He thanks her again before ending the call before turning on his heels to head back home. God, he only hopes you're still there.

______

When Renjun unlocks the door to the apartment, his hands are shaking. It took him a good three attempts to finally get the key into the lock. Admittedly, he is nervous because, well, for obvious reasons, but he also isn't sure if you're still there. Your past of skidaddling when things get serious gives him every right to feel anxious as he listens for any signs of you still being around as he takes of his shoes.

He doesn't dare call out for you, instead he begins searching the place. He's not sure what's going to happen when he finds you since, well, it hasn't been nice of him to just leave you behind, but what was he going to do?!

His search is pointless, he realizes as he steps out of the last room, the bathroom, and you're not there. Honestly, he wasn't really confident that you'd still be there, but he had hope. What raises his eyebrow is that your stuff is still there, no longer cramped into the corner he threw them in a few hours ago, but neatly sorted and packed in case this was really the final day of your stay. But, point is: it's still there. Now why in the world would you head off and go your own way and leave all that behind.

It's then when the door is unlocked once again, your figure slipping in, red and puffy eyes meeting the puzzled Renjun standing in the hallway.

"Y-you're back," you deduct correctly, taking off your shoes and stepping inside.

"Sure am." Renjun isn't sure why he still sounds so pissed when he is here to forgive you. On a second thought, maybe he's too quick with it? Should he really listen to his mom and just- forgive you? Just like that? Oh, he already knows Donghyuck is going to put out a whole speech about how Renjun is "high on pussy" and "not thinking straight". But... he wants to. He wants to forgive you. He wanted to from the very first moment he saw that weird E-Mail. He just couldn't. And now he can... can he?

"I just went out to get your favorite snack from the little store down the street.. I thought it might... make you feel better," you finally reveal why you left the apartment and Renjun's heart jumps. "I dunno, I just- wanted to do something nice regardless of your decision." You nod to yourself.

Renjun just looks at you as you are unable to meet his eyes.

"They didn't have it, so I went to the other store, the one by the subway station, and they actually were out of stock, but I begged the guy to go check if they had some left somewhere," you inform him, shyly looking up at him, "my current state must've convinced him it was urgent." You smile weakly and motion to your face.

Renjun can't keep his strong demeanor up any longer. Two big steps (wow, he has to inform his doctor that his legs must've grown a few centimeters) and he's right in front of you, cupping your cheeks. "I love you," he simply says, your face so confused that you can only stutter a few syllables before Renjun crashes his lips to yours.

And, God, does it feel good. Honestly, he has so much more time to actually think about what you did, and what it means in the future, but he needs you here with him, right now, always and forever. Sure, it's going to take a bit for him to built his trust again, but for now, he doesn't actually care.

"I love you too," you manage to breathe out when Renjun parts from you.

"I realized a few things. And I may have been a bit dramatic? But, well, I also have a confession to make."

_____

Renjun pushed the admittedly tacky (and stereotypical? Renjun did get slight cultural appropriation vibes) curtain aside to slip into the dimly lit room, although once he entered, the aura of the room changed his mind completely. It's not that he had a sense for spirituality, but he has always been deeply interested in the matter, which made him glad his mother suggested to try it out once.

So this was it, Renjun's first Tarot card reading.

The lady had been super nice, Renjun could tell by one single glance she was competent and very able to perform this life changing reading for him.

"What question brings you here today?" She asked, shuffling her deck of cards which Renjun could not take his eyes off.

"Ask about your love life!" His mom urged beside him, giggling like the sunshine she is, and Renjun chuckled quickly before averting his eyes to look at the lady in front of them.

"Just- my future? If there is anything important I should know?" He decided since that would not exclude his mom's interests.

"Very well," the lady nodded and began shuffling the cards quicker, her hands rushing until one card fell out.

"Ah, The Fool," she explained, and Renjun frowned. His mother couldn't contain a chuckle. "Do not worry, dear. This is no description of your self. Instead The Fool can symbolize new beginnings. There is most likely change waiting for you."

Renjun felt his heart beat up his throat in a positive way, making him giddy to find out more. The lady shuffled her cards some more until two cards fell out at the same time.

"Here we have The Ace of Cups, upright, and The Lovers. There appears to be a new relationship waiting for you, a romantic one."

Renjun gently elbowed his mom next to him who seemed as erratic as he was right now.

"Oh dear, The High Priestess in reverse... this new relationship might be full of secrets, which can be good or bad, exciting or dangerous," The lady deducted, and Renjun gulped.

As she started shuffling again, three cards sprang out of the deck immediately, making even Renjun feel the urgency.

"Two of Wands, The Hermit, The Ace Of Pentacles," the lady read out, sounding worried.

"Why? What does it mean?" Renjun asked, worry also evident in his tone.

"Two of Wands might represent the urgency of this. You have to take action soon, or else – here comes The Hermit – you may find loneliness. The Ace of Pentacles shows us the time frame: one year. I get the strong feeling these cards are telling you to hurry finding that love, or you might be alone forever."

_____

"So basically that's why you've been this patient with me?"

"Basically," Renjun responds, feeling a bit bad about it, "I feel like I should've told you sooner?"

"Jun, don't worry. You're not the one who messed up here. If anything, this makes me feel a tiny bit better about how manipulative I've been..." You admit, frowning.

"Well, I'm not the only one calling the shots here," Renjun summarizes, "so I'm asking you: Do you still want to be my girlfriend?"

"Are you joking? I feel like you are," you say, a wide grin spreading over your face.

"Nope, I'm super serious," Renjun chuckles and pokes your shoulder for reasons he is not aware of.

"Wow, and here I was contemplating to offer you anal to make up for it," you joke (?).

Renjun blinks at you, his smile falling into a crooked smirk at the proposal of your kind offering. "I mean... is the offer still on the table?"

"You are such a man," you pinch him, but do not reject the idea.

"What if we did it right now? Right here?" Renjun suddenly grabs your waist, pulling you closer to his body and starts kissing your neck. His tone (hopefully) brings across that he's joking, that you obviously won't do it right now, but not never either, if you're still up for it.

"You'd be the first," you chuckle before kissing Renjun's nose.

"Stop making me hard," he mumbles before attacking you with more kisses. "I know it's only been like a few hours, but I missed you so much. Let's not fight ever again, yeah?"

"I agree," you say and Renjun pulls back to look at you. Maybe this is silly, maybe he forgives too easily, but it just feels right. The look in your eyes is so genuine, as was the offer of doing butt stuff, that Renjun is just pretty much sure that this was this one big thing every relationship has and now it will only get better.

"Or is there anything else you need to tell me," Renjun teases.

"Not a thing, you now know everything there is to know about me, which, admittedly, isn't that much.. do you have a confession to make?"

Renjun thinks for a second. "Well, just this one thing. Remember when we went to Jaemin's to talk things out? He was practically naked when I went in there and I may have stared a bit until I remembered that he is disgusting."

"Oh, word. His chest is super-"

"Hey." Renjun furrows his brows half playfully joking, half dead serious. "I get to say that. You don't."

You mimic zipping your mouth shut, locking it and throwing the key away. Renjun laughs and takes your hand in his to hold. "So, all this talk about anal and Jaemin... why don't we take this to the bedroom?"

"You really won't let this go, huh?" You smirk. "I'd say: what comes around goes around. Whatever you do to my butt, I'll do to yours."

"I believe I have never loved you more than right now," Renjun sighs before kissing you once again, on the mouth this time, and he feels like time stands still and rushes past double it's normal speed. His hands wander over your body, taking everything in, feeling you against him because you are his, once again, finally. Your hands are as excited touching him, and it dawns on Renjun that you're probably not going to make it to the bedroom, which is fine since he owns this entire place anyway (it's a rental, but you get the point).

Both of your clothes are off in no time, leaving Renjun's hands to freely roam over your naked skin, and it feels just as exhilarating as if you'd never had that fight. That stupid, stupid fight, right now, Renjun can't even remember what it was about, but that could partly be because of the lack of blood in his brain. His heavy erection is currently pressed heavenly against your lower stomach as you make out wildly, and Renjun can't even think about the usual foreplay he finds so important as you start rubbing your wetness all over him. He just wants to be in you, be connected to you, feel all of you against and around him, have the both of you desperately grinding and panting against each other.

Although, he feels kind of more dominant today, maybe there is still a very slight aftertaste of your betrayal lingering and he feels the need to show you that he can be in control over you if he wants to, or maybe he just feels extra manly and prideful today after you did everything to prove to him that you want him in your life. He decides that being on top would be enough to satisfy that need, so he gently pushes you back and lays you down on your back.

His tip brushes over your clit and you whine, a sound that is music to Renjun's ears, and when you speak up and practically beg him to just "put it in", who is he to deny you that wish?

Aligning himself with your hole, he gently pushes forward, allowing his tip to disappear between your velvety walls, and he loves how your eyes roll back and you gasp at how good he feels.

"Only the tip and you're already drooling," he observes, biting his lower lip smugly before pulling back out and repeating the action of fucking just the tip into you several times before giving in to your quiet pleas and pushes all the way in.

You choke on your moan at this, eyes glazed over with lust finding Renjun's under eyebrows furrowed by pleasure. Renjun can already feel you pulsating around him and God does that stroke his ego.

Although he decides he could be having more of an effect on you right now, so he places your legs on his shoulders instead of around his waist, and practically folds you in half to open you up for him so he can fill you deeper, so deeply his tip grazes at your cervix. To intensify your pleasure, his fingers come up to rub at your wet clit, three fingers massaging the nub in quick circles, the wetness allowing him to glide over the surface perfectly.

And your body seems to agree. In no time – Renjun's sure he must've set a new record – you announce that you're ready, seconds away from reaching your high, and Renjun thinks twice about letting you taste it. Well, you did kind of fuck up, but fuck it. Renjun loves the look on your face when you cum just too much to deny you it, instead spurring you on by telling you just how good you are for him, what a perfect girl you are and how much he loves having you cum on his cock.

Seconds later, you orgasm, clamping walls choking his dick in the best way possible, the look on your face and the moans sounding from your throat so pretty that Renjun feels like he's fallen in love all over again. When you come down, he praises you and kisses you, never missing an opportunity to tell you just how perfect you are.

"More," you whisper to him, eyelids heavy as your blurred view tries to find Renjun's eyes, and he briefly chuckles before granting your wish.

"Greedy are we?" He sets a faster pace this time, balls slapping against your ass where your wetness had already dripped down and probably seeped into the couch. Renjun feels so good, so happy, so fulfilled, and he is once again reminded why it was the right decision to forgive you. He is such a man, he thinks, and is reminded of a few minutes ago when you said that to him.

"Can you turn around for me, baby?" He asks, suddenly in the mood to watch your ass as he repeatedly disappears into you, and you comply, allowing him to pull out before getting on your hands and knees. Renjun grins seeing your beautiful ass in front of him, he gently slaps it two times before gently pressing on your back to get you to lie down for him again, though this time on your stomach. He enters you again, filling you up perfectly once again, like you were made for each other, and he puts his entire weight on you to be able to still whisper in your ear.

His fingers find your hair, not to pull, just to be there so you feel it, and as he rams himself inside repeatedly, he mumbles the dirtiest things to you, about how well you're taking him, how beautiful you look underneath him and how much he just loves to fuck you. And yes, he even goes into detail (damnit Donghyuck) about how perfectly tight you are for him. A hand sneaks between your body and the couch, fingers quickly finding your clit again and you whine.

"'s so good," you say, voice trembling, "love you s'much."

"I love you too, baby," Renjun responds, grinning ear to ear like a maniac because he just loves this effect he has on you. This might just be a fantasy, but he's sure he's the only one who could ever make you feel this good. And admittedly, even right now when you're not doing much except take it, you make him feel just as good.

"Fuck, I think I'm gonna cum," he grunts, and you whine, cunt clenching around him at the mere prospect of him reaching his high.

"Me too, God," you manage to bring out.

"Where do you want it?" Renjun asks. Although he already knows your answer, he loves hearing you say it.

"I-inside, please," you mewl, arching your back a bit more to give him perfect access, "cu- cumming, cumming, cumming."

And just as you orgasm around him, walls wrapping around Renjun's cock impossibly tight, he follows suit, pressing his hips against your ass to fill you as deeply as possible. He pushes in a few more times to really get it all in there, have all his cum so deep inside you'll still feel it the next day.

"God, fuck, I love you so much," he pants, now a little exhausted as the adrenaline washes off. He pulls out, allowing you to turn around on your back and smile at him. God, he loves seeing you fucked out like this.

"I love you," you reply, then your nose scrunches and Renjun remembers that, when you shoot cum inside someone, it's going to inevitably drip back out, and he doesn't have to ruin his couch any more than he already did.

______

Renjun's arm is draped over your body, cuddling and talking in bed after the intense 4 rounds you just had, and maybe Renjun should've seen it coming, but honestly? How could he? So he jumps as he hears the doorbell ring.

"Who the fuck..." he mumbles as he gets up, puts on some underwear (at least) and stumbles to the door.

"Tell them to come back tomorrow, I'm not done with you," you giggle behind him as you slip into one of Renjun's shirts and a pair of panties you find laying on the floor. Renjun grins and throws you a wink before turning on the speaker.

"Hello?"

"Congratulations!"

"What the fuck are you asshats doing here?" Renjun groans and hides his face in his unoccupied hand. You have stepped over and are now pressing your ear against the speaker to be able to listen as well.

"We heard the news and came to celebrate?" Jaemin says.

"Actually, we didn't know how it went so we brought booze either for celebrating or for condolences. We took a wild guess," Donghyuck adds.

"How do you even-"

"Your mom told me."

"I don't think I appreciate you being involved with my mom..."

"Your words, not mine. Now open up."

"We're not exactly... dressed appropriately," Renjun informs and he can hear Jaemin howl and Donghyuck laugh.

"Let us in, we'll give you 2 minutes," Jaemin says.

"As if I'm going to believe you'd be passing an opportunity to barge in and see my girlfriend in her undies," Renjun says.

"Open up!" Donghyuck pushes.

"We just fucked four times!" You chime in, and Renjun isn't sure why you needed to clarify what didn't need to be clarified. Especially since, except for a few cheers that die down quickly, it's silent for a good 20 seconds until Donghyuck informs you that the old lady living two floors below just came home and most definitely heard that.

"Just let us in," Jaemin shouts right into the speaker and Renjun has to hold it away from his ear to not go deaf.

"Are you okay with this? I'm sure I could make them leave... somehow..."

"Sure! I could take two more," you joke and Renjun squints at you, making you teasingly roll your eyes. "Kidding."

"Okay, give us a few," Renjun says and just hangs up before they can complain. You both run into the bedroom and get changed into relatively acceptable clothing and Renjun has the decency to at least open a window to make the strong smell of sex lighten a bit before he checks in with you again, then opens the door.

Donghyuck and Jaemin's hollers can be heard echoing through the hallways until they finally show up at Renjun's door step.

"Nice work, man," Jaemin compliments as he sees the state of your still slightly tousled hair, and pats Renjun's back. They take off their shoes and let themselves in. While Jaemin stores the alcohol they brought in the fridge, Donghyuck skips into the living room to occupy Renjun's phone charger.

Oh, no. The living room.

Renjun darts after him, holding onto the door frame to not fall from the immense speed of his sprint, but it's too late. Donghyuck is already grinning at the used tissues scattered around the place and Renjun's underwear dangling from the uplight.

"You really are just high on pussy, it seems," Donghyuck teases, clearly hinting at how Renjun forgave you too (?) quickly. "You're not thinking straight. Or too straight..."

"You don't even know the whole story," Renjun defends himself while crossing his arms.

"Don't worry man, I'm not judging. I feel like this is the right thing for you," Donghyuck says and Renjun is surprised at his choice of words... such a... lack of disgusting-ness? Donghyuck even trots over and places a brotherly hand on Renjun's shoulder and gives him a smile.

"Thank you," Renjun says and means it. Donghyuck takes a few steps back, bows, then his eyes lock in on something on the floor.

"I think I'm taking these with me," Donghyuck announces before bending down further and holding up your panties with his forefinger.

"Don't you dare-" Renjun warns, but Donghyuck already started pushing the fabric into his pocket.

"Take it out," you say, suddenly appearing behind Renjun. Donghyuck seems taken aback, especially as you step over and grab his hair. "Give. Them. Back."

You pull hard, only once, and Donghyuck moans, but complies, and Renjun is party impressed and partly enraged.

"Starting without me?" Jaemin grins as he, too, has appeared in the room by now.

"Guys, I think we need some boundaries regarding my girlfriend," Renjun hisses through grit teeth. You agree, finally letting go of Donghyuck's hair who falls to his knees. Jaemin shrugs and sits down on the couch just as Renjun stuffs the used tissues into his pocket.

"What do you say?" You address Donghyuck who whines out a pathetic apology. You grin. "Sorry, this is kind of fun," you whisper to Renjun.

"I mean if you want to, you could talk like that to me every once in a while-" Renjun mumbles back, immediately feeling you cling to his side.

"Yeah?" You bite your lip.

"There was some talk about boundaries?" Jaemin recalls and you back off a bit. "When I can't have it, at least don't rub it in my face- unless you're going to literally rub it in my face-"

"I swear to God-"

© 2023 YUTASBELLYBUTTONPIERCING all rights reserved — please DO NOT translate, take, nor repost any of my works.

#renjun smut #huang renjun smut #nct renjun smut #renjun fluff #renjun angst #huang renjun fluff #huang renjun angst #nct renjun fluff #nct renjun angst #nct #kpop #smut #nct fanfic #kpop smut #fem reader #nct dream #nct x reader #huang renjun x reader #renjun x reader #neohub

[suzannahnatters]

A hot take for you this morning:

The conviction has been growing upon me for several years that whole segments of Western media are steadily losing the ability to write for & about women. Female characters, female-led stories, and romantic literacy are all getting worse.

I grew up largely free of TV/movies, and for a long time prided myself on reading no book younger than 50 years old (yeah, I was insufferable). I've since sought to change that. That's why I believe I have the authority to say this: I see a really stark contrast between how it is now and how it used to be.

Compared to today, male authors like Shakespeare, Trollope, and even Tolkien had active empathy & respect for their female characters. They centred whole narratives around believable women. And they wrote unabashed romances.

That's largely gone now.

Compare western media to kdrama. Kdrama usually centres male protagonists in a way it doesn't centre female characters. But it also centres romance - HIGHLY sophisticated & detailed romance.

Watching kdrama cemented my suspicions, because it feels like the first storytelling I've found since the 1800s to treat romance with dignity and respect, & above all as something worthy of male attention. That is SO RARE these days.

I don't think something needs to get male attention in order to be worthy, but as any woman will tell you, if something DOESN'T get male attention, it's viewed as trivial and contemptible if its existence is noted at all.

It's true that more women than ever are writing stories about women, including romances. The problem is, this seems to have resulted in women's stories getting shoved into a ghetto; either YA or romance or the dreaded "chick flick"

As this genre divide developed between stories for men and stories for women, it seems like too many male storytellers took it as a license to care even less about writing for & about women.

Ahem, Popular Urban Fantasy Author Who Lists His Female Characters' Bust Size Without Fail.

Please note, I know many good and sincere men who want to do better. I see you and I'm so grateful for your efforts. But if you've mostly been reading "blokey" stories - and I know the appeal of stories about & for oneself - you haven't been given the tools you need.

The final straw seems to be the rise of vocal, self-consciously chauvinist online fandoms which rubbish media they see as being too feminine and loudly demand increasingly chauvinist storytelling. These people DO have an impact. Shows they bless get renewed season after season. Media they curse is lucky to survive. I mention no names. But we've all seen them shape public discourse.

What it all adds up to is this: if I want believable writing about women, in a lot of ways I'm better off reading a man from 1850 than a man from 2020. And that's pretty messed up.

How is this going to change? On a cultural level, I don't know. But I want to shout out to the fellow author who read my mixed review of his book, reached out to me for a detailed critique, and listened for an hour as I talked. You, sir, are one of the real ones.

#writing #kdrama #asian drama #writing romance #romance #female characters #male authors

[thesharktanksdriver]

The Devil's name is Tomie (Romantic)

I fucking love Junji ito and specifically the ever changing character of Tomie. This is kinda more of a character study of her with my interpretation

Reader in this is female

There are dark topics in this like murder, Tomie’s origins which include her being in a relationship with her teacher and general creepy dudes so be warned. Also stuff in the relationship is definitely toxic (low key kinda yandere) but it’s Tomie so you probably already assumed that. She’s not a good person by any means and is a monster in every sense of the word

this is dark and not healthy. I repeat not a healthy relationship.

This is kinda me dabbling in some darker subject matter so please be warned when reading and keep that in mind

From the vivid memories that Tomie can removed of her initial life of a normal teenage girl she knew she always had a rosy picture of romance

She’d see romances played on the screens of tv shows depicting charming men with roses and girls being gifted necklaces or letters written out of love

It was something she had craved and had become curious about

Love, what an odd thing. It must’ve been great by how all the women in those old movies would giggle like little girls and swoon

It’s perhaps why her former self had pursued a relationship with her teacher, one whom would eventually go on to dismember her along with her classmates

It was from that point she had realized that love was fake

Faker than the plastered smiles of those classmates who had killed and dismembered her as she walked back into that classroom

Watching with a smile the mental anguish her appearance had given them

Each time she then went on to be killed by pathetic men had gone to prove that to her

Love was only made up of two things, obsession and lust

But something changed suddenly

She had enrolled at a university with the goal to once again watch people’s psyche crumble for her entertainment

Looking for a victim to toy with in her endless cycle

But it was there that she ran into you, poor naive little you who had a seat beside her in class

Your…cute?. A bright young woman like herself who greets her with genuine enthusiasm

That in itself isn’t much to her, what does get her attention is when a pathetic boy tries to steal a glance beneath her skirt

She can’t say she’s surprised but before she can retaliate on her own you do it for her

Calling him out in front of everyone with raging fury of how disgusting he is

Now that…that for some reason sparks an interest in her

For almost all her previous lives from her different clones Tomie couldn’t really remember a time someone had acted in such a way

It intrigues her to pursue you

So after class is over she thanks you, asking if perhaps you’d be interested in a study session and you agree

She meets up with you at a small cafe she found herself enjoying, they made good pastries and no one had yet to screw up her caramel macchiato

It’s there that she engages with real conversation with you. There’s no fake facades like usual, she lets her guard down just enough as you ask about her interests and what she was pursuing

When she asks the same questions you light up, talking passionately

She can’t remember the time where she’d put so much effort into something

She did it before (she must’ve back when she was a normal school girl) but her mind goes blank

As hours tick on she doesn’t feel the passage of time until you suggest walking her back to the dorms

And she agrees

You hover by her side, giving security from male gazes sent both of your ways

You’d glare sending them scattering off which made her hold back giggles

She felt nice

So she concludes that perhaps she’d spend more time with you

Meeting up with you from this point onwards becomes a tradition for her

Along with spending her lunch with you talking and idly chatting about the latest fashion

She likes that you actually listen to her, treat her more than just something to claim or impress

You genuinely engage with her interests in the refined and even pick up the latest copy of vogue when you have the chance and money

You see her as Tomie, an individual that no one (not even her other incarnations) can replicate

Sure she is a bitch at times, one who’s words cut harsher than knives but you also know that she is honest in those words of criticism

You take her for what she is even though the bad overweighs the good (but you don’t know about that. She keeps her cool when with you)

She begins to realize she has formed some sort of attachment to you but she’s not sure what type

It feels more intimate and intense than friendship but for the longest time she’s in denial that it is love

Or at least her own slightly twisted version of it

And it stays that way for the longest while until you end up crying in her unblemished arms

Apparently one of your professors had been acting creepy towards you. Constantly sending odd glances your way and trying to get you to stay after class to talk to you privately

It was freaking you out, especially since he was a well regarded teacher and no one would possibly believe your words

Whatever is in her mind pauses at that, flashes of HIM and what had initially started her never ending cycle play in her head

It is then two questions are answered in her mind

1. Why was she so interested in you?

It now stares her in the face, you remind her of her former self

You exemplify what she remembers of that initial life so long ago. The innocence, the passion, the hope and Shortcomings of how girls are treated by society

The fear that comes with it from being taken advantage of by men whom await around corners like monsters

Back then she’d been to naive and cocky to see how her teacher had taken advantage of the opportunity. She thought at the time she was in control, that it was ok but it wasn’t

But your smart enough not to fall into their claws, you see the red eyes peering from the darkness and know to run

What you do not know though is that the beautiful blue of Tomie’s eyes are an entirely new monster that you had run willing into

With each incarnation each Tomie loses a bit of their humanity, becoming more and more removed from the original

They’d all accepted it at that point, hell she had reviled in it for awhile that she was removed from humanity

But due to you she now craves it, she craves to have you to help her feel alive again form how utterly human you are

And 2. That feeling was love…you what she assumed to be love

It’s such a removed concept to her now. Twisted by the past memories of dead Tomie’s of “Love” they’d revived from their followers

Obsession and lust being the key ingredients to that mysterious concept

But now as she whips away your tears with a certain gentleness she sees the love for so long ago

Love she saw in those black and white films of a childhood long past

Or something like it

At heart Tomie knows this love is likely twisted, dark at the centre of it all yet she does not care

All she cares is that she’s feeling something

So kisses you, stopping your tears as you reciprocate back surprised but happy

She smirks as she pressed deeper into your mouth, hearing your little sounds

Her hands pull you closer to her, she can now feel your racing heart beat pounding in your chest. It’s cute especially as hers is unbeating

That night when you fall asleep at her side, curled up in her luxury blankets, head on a silk pillow as your hair formed a halo around you, she stares

You look like an angel, you are one…one that’s now trapped in the hands of a devil masquerading as an angelic being

She makes your relationship with her public immediately after that, hanging off your arm as you both head to classes

You get jealous stares but her angry glares stop people as the stew in anger

Your teacher whom was bothering you soon ends up getting kicked out his job and you cry happy tears to her

Unknowing to the fact she pulled some strings to have it that way

That’s how she likes it though, you completely unknowing to her true actions

And she intends to keep it that way no matter what

For she is now your loving girlfriend, whom always kisses your cheek goodbye and makes sure that everyone knows your hers and she’s yours

As you can tell she’s extremely possessive in more ways than you’d expect

She hides it well from your view but to everyone else they get the message

Stay the fuck away

Her world revolves around you and so should yours

She almost always has a hand on you, whether that be the small of your back, your hand, an arm wrapped around your shoulder or your waist

It gives her security and she enjoys the warmth she feels from you

Who needs friends anyways when you have your loving girlfriend?, family isn’t needed much either but she lets a pass on that

Cause she can slither her way into that social bubble and make them love her

Make them encourage you to possible tie the knot if your open to marriage

It doesn’t matter much to her but she does admit a wedding would be fun and it would make it official that your both tied to each other to the eyes of everyone else

If your Family’s homophobic or generally awful she’s 100% using that to advantage and getting you to cut them out your life

That way it’s just you and her

Tomie absolutely loves coordinating outfits with you that compliment one another or are complete opposites

Cause on the one hand the matching outfits show that your a couple and your both super cute together

But on the other hand with opposite aesthetics it’s also really cool when your in something pastel while she’s draped in red and leather with an arm around your waist

Whatever your tastes are in style she accommodates it to these fun little ideas she has

Speaking of which, Tomie is actually quite happy to try out quite a bit of dating ideas she saw from online and tv

Stuff like theme parks, movies, museums, plays and travel are ones she really wants to experience with you

But She’s equally happy to try out your suggestions as well since your the only input she actually cares about

She’s also protective but you probably already expected that as well

The minute any aggression is aimed at you she’s sending death glares and planning to ruin that persons life

Sometimes she won’t do it depending on the day and the amount of effort she wants to put into that

But on days she’s feeling petty or they did something really bad their entire life is gonna be in the garbage bin

No ifs, and’s or buts about it

This sentiment also extends to Other Tomie’s she runs into

She kills the other versions of herself whom interrupt her routine with you because of the fear they’ll steal you away

While they are also Tomie each has their own sense of individuality compared to the others which leads them to butt heads constantly

They are the same person but also not simultaneously

And with that comes the threat of them as well

For if they are her they’ll also want you to themselves just as she does once they see what makes you special to her

And she refuses to share you with anyone else including herself

You don’t know of this of course, she brushes it under the rug as she links her hand with yours and drags you off to a new shop

Telling you to find a nice dress as she deals with something urgent with a smile

With her she baths you with the same luxuries she surrounds herself with

You get the best just as she does, it’s to be expected since you are her beloved, her love, her dearest

Unlike most incarnations of herself your Tomie actually puts some effort into stuff

She likes domestic life, whether that be helping you with a meal or engaging in small but fun activities

Their enjoyable because you make them enjoyable for her

Which is something that can’t be said for the other Tomie’s and herself before she met you

She lives, breaths and wakes up each morning to feel your love for her and her love for you

No matter how actually twisted it really is

Because of this Tomie won’t let you go even in death

When the time comes that you are aging she WILL make sure that your still at her side

She curses you to a fate similar to her own except there are no other versions of you

Your just put in an immortal cycle, die and then wake up rejuvenated and back to normal

No memory of said death or life except for the fact that Tomie is your loving girlfriend

And when this happens you awake at her side in bed, her smiling face staring back at you as she caresses your cheek softly

Then giving you a kiss to seal your fate once again

To love Tomie is to suffer but for Tomie to love you is a fake eden that the devil herself protects

There is no apple to bite as to realize the truth of her ever consuming love

#tomie x reader #junji ito tomie #the toxic queen of girl boss

[emotionallychargedtowel]

Since you're familiar with tokusatsu actors and their journeys into BL, what kinds of careers historically have tokusatsu actors had as they start to get more credits and mature?

Thank you for the ask! This is a great question. It’s something I’ve been curious about for a while, as you know.

I never get tired of this gif of Seto Toshiki (a Kamen Rider alum with two BLs under his belt) eating cake. (It's from Kamen Rider Ex-Aid, which he starred in with Iijima Hiroki of Our Dining Table fame.)

Oh, I should probably say at the outset that I'm talking about the suit transformation type of tokusatsu shows here. Technically the category is broader and also includes kaiju movies, but I'm focusing here on the kind of tokusatsu series in which human characters (or human-like ones) transform into masked heroes. I think that's what you had in mind, Ben, and it's the type of tokusatsu that tends to overlap with the BL world.

Another thing you'll notice is that I'm mostly going to talk about men here. Tokusatsu has been making some progress as a genre when it comes to gender equity, but it still has a long way to go. And since most of the progress that has happened, like the increase in female Riders, has been in the last few years, the actors who played those characters haven't had much of a subsequent career yet.

Now, to your question.

Unfortunately, I haven’t figured out a way to really look at this systematically. So, definitely take my conclusions with a grain of salt. (If anyone reading this knows more about this or has thoughts about how to get more/better info, I'd love to hear them.) The main source of information I have--aside from just soaking stuff up from watching tokusatsu shows and reading toku fans' tumblrs, of course--is looking at toku actors’ entries on MDL and seeing how many roles they’ve gotten, if they’re “guest,” “support,” or “main” roles, and trying to find out about the type of shows and movies they’re in.

One of the biggest weaknesses to this approach as an American viewer is that it's usually hard for me to tell what constitutes a popular or prestigious series or film even if I go to the listings for specific shows/films. I should also note that one thing that biases my “data” (to use the term loosely) is the fact that I’m more likely to look up this information about actors I like. Well, occasionally I’ll also look at info on some sample of actors out of curiosity, like a bunch of lead Ultraman actors’ subsequent careers or something like that. But it's usually more random.

A little background. As you're aware, tokusatsu roles often go to younger actors who don't have much previous experience. They tend to function both as a way of getting a foothold in the industry (building a resume, starting a fanbase, etc.) and as a way of learning on the job. Part of the reason they work so well in this regard is that they have long seasons. Ultraman seasons are typically around 25 episodes long, which is pretty long compared to many shows in Japan, but Kamen Rider and Super Sentai seasons are usually around 50 episodes long. This means two things: a toku part gets you a lot more of the aforementioned work experience than you'd get in other genres, and it provides a solid year of consistent work with additional work to follow (particularly hard to come by in Japan's entertainment industry, from what I understand). The additional work is substantial, too. There are typically post-series TV movies and touring live shows and there are often guest spots on other series in your franchise.

When it comes to landing other roles, as in other types of media, it makes a big difference what type of role you had. This is stating the obvious, I know, but there are some specific ways this works with tokusatsu series, and it relates to who ends up in BLs and in what capacity. So, all of the big three tokusatsu franchises are pretty ensemble-based but they still have distinct leads and some degree of a hierarchy of roles. Ultraman has the strongest leads, Kamen Rider has lead/title Riders and secondary (and often tertiary) Riders, and Super Sentai shows are especially ensemble-y (the word sentai basically means "squad," after all) but they always have some kind of group leader.

When I look up subsequent work by tokusatsu actors who had sizable roles in their toku series--lead roles, or other parts that are what MDL would call "main" roles--what I see most often is a lot of supporting and guest roles in a variety of TV shows and some films. You can usually find a smattering of lead roles as well, but if you look closely they may turn out to be smaller productions (but not always). When it comes to the number/frequency of credits, there's a lot of variation but an average case would be 2-3 such credits per year. Like I mentioned above, it's hard for me to tell how desirable/prestigious/well-paying those guest and supporting roles are. But they don't usually seem to be scraping the bottom of the barrel or anything. So, yeah. Lots of these actors have different paths, but this is what I see most frequently.

Given how challenging it is to make a career out of acting in Japan, this is nothing to sneeze at. Despite its relative influence, the Japanese entertainment industry is still comparatively small, and there are only so many opportunities. In that context, regularly getting guest and supporting gigs constitutes a pretty uncommon level of success.

Could these folks support themselves on this amount of work? I often see just a few credits per year, so maybe not. But when I like a one of these actors enough to follow them on socials, it usually seems like they are supplementing those parts with other stuff like stage plays, toku fan appearances, modeling gigs, or other types of performance including music. Even with these different sources of income, some probably still can't live on their entertainment industry pay alone. But it appears that some can.

So that's the most common thing. One less common outcome is leaning really hard into being a tokusatsu actor for life. It's not typical to get significant roles in multiple toku shows, but it does happen. And some actors manage to play the same character in a lot of post-series movies, miniseries, etc. stretching out for years after their actual series. For example, Tsuruno Takeshi, who played Ultraman Dyna's human host Shin Asuka, has been in ten different Ultraman things including his main series, a short series, a lot of TV movies, and a special. Dyna aired in 1997, and his last appearance as Asuka was fairly recent, in 2016. That's almost a 20-year span. Yet Tsuruno has never had a non-Ultraman main character part. (Though this is partly because he seems to have focused more on his music career and related variety show type things post-Dyna.) There are even some actors who are tokusatsu superfans whose whole career plan is centered on the genre from the get-go.

For those who are looking to branch out, there are a lot of trajectories. So I'll try to talk about some of them through a few examples.

Takeda Kouhei

You probably knew I was going to bring him up. On Kamen Rider Kiva, Takeda's character was important but not the lead (he played the main character's father in the 1980s, in a timeline that ran parallel to the present day one). That was in 2008, when he was 22. Nine years later, in 2017, he was in Kamen Rider Build, in which he was the "tertiary" Rider. This character was a potato farmer-turned-antihero. As tertiary Riders go, he was pretty popular. But Takeda seemed to be mostly hovering at a certain level at that point. Then Old Fashion Cupcake happened. It's significant that he went from playing supporting characters (albeit important ones) to a lead character in OFC. It's also helpful that OFC came out at a point when the prestige of BLs was on the rise. It seems like Takeda has had more consistent and larger parts since then. The difference isn't night and day or anything, but it's observable.

If you look at Takeda's Build costars, Inukai Atsuhiro and Akaso Eiji, here’s what you'll find. Akaso has a similar trajectory to Takeda's only somewhat steeper. His role on Build (the secondary Rider) was a bit bigger, he seemed to get slightly bigger roles overall after Build, and Cherry Magic gave him a significant boost from there. Inukai had a bigger upswing early on followed by slower growth that still had him outstripping both Akaso and Takeda. From what I can tell, his “data” more closely resembles that of Yamada Yuki, who I’ll talk about in a second, though they have different niches.

Suda Masaki

Suda Masaki was only 16 when he played the main rider in Kamen Rider W in 2009, which is unusually young. (W has a unique premise where two different people inhabit the same Rider, so Suda played a lead rider but so did his costar Kiriyama Renn.) From what I can tell, he seems to have had a pretty organic path to larger and larger roles while varying genres and styles quite a bit. At this point he's definitely a very respected actor. (One interesting bit of trivia: Hagiwara Riku has said Suda is his biggest acting role model.) He's won two Japan Academy Film Prizes and been nominated three more times. I don't know of a more successful ex-tokusatsu lead. Actually, I looked him up for this post to fill in some details and found out for the first time that he also has a pretty successful career as a jpop musician. It's almost annoying that he's that talented in yet another area.

I don't see any indication that Suda has ever played a queer character, though he has definitely done some pretty bromantic stuff. He did kiss a man once in a drama series, but it was for plot reasons and was 100% played for laughs in a gross way. He also played a gender nonconforming character in the 2014 live action version of Princess Jellyfish. (Another bit of trivia: when another live action adaptation of Princess Jellyfish was released in 2018, the same character was played by another former lead Rider, Seto Koji from Kiva.) I wouldn't put it past Suda to play a queer character, if it was for a highbrow movie or something analogous to what Nishijima Hidetoshi has done in What Did You Eat Yesterday?, but I'm also not holding my breath.

Yamada Yuki

A less extreme case. Yamada was on Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger. He was the blue member of the team, a soldier-turned-pirate. It may have helped Yamada along later on that Gokaiger is an especially popular Sentai series. Post-Gokaiger, Yamada didn't have any sort of big breakout role that I can find. It just seems like fairly soon after Gokaiger, he started having significant roles in TV dramas and has pretty much continued from there, with some upward momentum but no huge changes. When he was in a drama with Akaso Eiji recently, his part was first billed and a smidge bigger. Yamada's trend line seemed to have a biggish upward swing early and then just a slight slope from there. But I just saw him in something different: he plays the younger member of the minesweeper crew in Godzilla Minus One. I wonder if that will mark any sort of shift for him.

Yamada hasn't played any queer characters as far as I can tell. His Sentai role was shippy as hell, though. It's a tradition among Sentai shows that subtext-level queer ships happen between the red and blue team members, and that's exactly what happened in Gokaiger. Sometimes the subtext pretty much became text. If magazine images from that time are any indication, their relationship seems to have been a promotional angle for the show. There's even one where they seem to be in some kind of high school AU that looks like it's straight out of a BL.

what about women?

I tried looking up a few women I know from tokusatsu roles while I was looking up these and other dudes. Some of them were still in the business, at least. Some were getting the same trickle of guest and supporting parts a lot of men do after a tokusatsu show. A few had a slightly bigger trickle. But many of them seemed to have disappeared from the public eye entirely. Not only are women underrepresented in tokusatsu, and not only are their roles often relatively small and two-dimensional, but it doesn't seem like they get even a slight career boost after these roles.

It's possible this will change for some of the actors who got bigger, more interesting toku roles in recent years. Here's hoping!

The changing relationship between tokusatsu and BL

The relationship between tokusatsu and BL has been changing as BL gains more prestige, like I alluded to when I talked about Takeda Kouhei. There was a time when they seemed to be pretty analogous in terms of how hard it was to get a role and how effective they were as rungs on a career ladder. If you went from being a tokusatsu side character to a BL lead (like Takeda), that was a step up, but only because you were shifting from a supporting spot to a lead one. Tokusatsu leads usually didn't usually do BL or, when they did, only played straight supporting roles. I think it was seen as a lateral move. But now, BL is becoming a very established next step after tokusatsu. It's like BL has moved up in status so that the consensus is that it's above tokusatsu on the ladder, but just by a little bit. It's also kind of an organic transition since we're seeing more queer ships in tokusatsu that, while they mostly happen on a subtext level, are close to being canon (and in some cases, arguably already are). It occurred to me while I was writing this that there's also another type of role that is in a similar zone of accessibility and prestige to both tokusatsu and BL. It's a franchise, not a genre, but with so many movies and such huge casts it almost functions like a genre for the purpose of this discussion. I'm talking about the High&Low movies. If you're a fan of tokusatsu or BL, you'll see actors you know in every High&Low movie and if you're a fan of both, you'll see tons.

Case in point: Here's our ol’ pal Yamada Yuki. He's in quite a few High&Low installments. If only he’d do a BL and complete the trifecta! The only person I know of offhand who’s done a tokusatsu show, a BL, and a High&Low role is Takeda. I bet there are others, though.

the new (?) prestige tokusatsu

There's another piece to this I should probably point out as well. In recent years there have been some more high-budget, prestigious takes on existing tokusatsu properties. First, Anno Hideaki, who's best known for the Evangelion anime series/films, put out three live action features that are new, well-financed takes on three big tokusatsu properties: Shin Godzilla, Shin Ultraman, and Shin Kamen Rider.

Last year there was also a Kamen Rider series geared toward adults that had higher-than-usual production values called Kamen Rider Black Sun. It did that “you can tell our show is for adults because it's all gritty and grimdark" thing, which I'm not a fan of. But it definitely had its points.

Really distinguished actors starred in both the Shin movies and Black Sun, including Nishijima Hidetoshi, who's about as distinguished as it gets. Nishijima was in both Shin Ultraman (in an important supporting role) and Black Sun (as a co-protagonist--and he's the biggest highlight of the series). So these are examples of toku media that are too prestigious to be a springboard into the industry for most actors.

This seems to be a new phenomenon, though I could be wrong about that. I don’t expect the trend will continue at this pace (after all, so much of it is attributable to Anno alone and I don't think he'll continue down this path indefinitely), but I bet some other shows/movies in this vein will come out sooner or later.

Here’s Nishijima doing a henshin sequence. He does these moves with such commitment. Is there anything he can't do?

before tokusatsu

As I was writing this, it got me thinking about what actors do before their tokusatsu roles as well as after. It's not uncommon for toku roles to be someone's debut, but that's not really the norm. Even when it is, most of those actors were doing something in the realm of performing or modeling beforehand. I don't usually look at this sort of information as much as I do later roles when I'm investigating toku actors I like. So I looked up some people to try to get a sense of where the actors tend to have done before their toku parts.

There's one starting point that a whole bunch of tokusatsu leads share: winning the Junon Super Boy Contest. When I first saw references to it, I thought, OK, this is some kind of national talent contest. I guess there are probably lots of them. But when I looked for others, I didn't see anything come up. Maybe I'm just not looking in the right places or using the right search terms. But I think maybe this contest might be pretty unique in Japan.

It's run by a magazine called Junon and, well, if I describe how it works it's going to sound really familiar to you and anyone else who's seen Utsukushii Kare, because it's pretty much exactly the contest Kiyoi participates in. Like, if it's not what Nagira Yuu was thinking of when she wrote that part of the UK novel, I'll eat my shoe.

A ton of tokusatsu leads won, placed in, or made it to the finals of that contest. The Tokupedia fan wiki even has its own page dedicated to the contest with links to various winners' toku characters. The majority of Junon Super Boy contestants who ended up in a toku series went to Kamen Rider, but there are some Sentai dudes as well and at least one Ultraman lead.

So I guess if Kiyoi had won that contest, he probably would have ended up on Kamen Rider or something. Weird.

Inukai Atsuhiro and Iijima Hiroki both won that contest. Those are the only two Junon Boys (that's what people call the contest winners) who became tokusatsu actors and were on a BL that I know of right off the top of my head. But it seems likely that there are other toku-and-BL or just BL actors who won, placed, or made it to the finals of this contest.

Other dudes who ended up on tokusatsu shows started out in other ways. Some were simply signed to agencies as actors. There's a fair number of them who were in idol groups. (Though when an idol/ex-idol is looking for a gig as a transition into acting, BLs seem to be a more popular choice.) Some mostly did modeling prior to their toku series. Some already had quite a few acting credits, though usually not very big ones. Although he's a Junon Super Boy winner, Inukai had eight other acting credits before Kamen Rider. Takeda had the same number, and he started young--his first credit is for a TV show that came out when he was 10 (though it took another six years to get a second).

I also looked up some women who've had prominent roles in tokusatsu shows, including more recent ones. The most frequent things I found when I looked for information on their pre-toku careers were that they had been models or idols (or both). It's also not uncommon for women in toku roles to be former or present gravure models--basically models who pose in bikinis or comparably revealing outfits.

The coolest thing I found was that Imoto Ayaka, who played Igarashi Sakura/Kamen Rider Jeanne, was an award-winning ballet dancer. Which is not only incredibly cool but makes a lot of sense in terms of preparation for a tokusatsu hero role.

I mean, just check out this henshin.

Well, this has gotten ridiculously long. Sorry about that. I may have gotten a little carried away. But thanks again for the question.

And now, I have something to write for @wen-kexing-apologist...

#tokusatsu to BL pipeline #tokusatsu #takeda kouhei #yamada yuki #suda masaki #junon super boy contest #kamen rider #super sentai #kamen rider kiva #kaizoku sentai gokaiger #kamen rider w #nishijima hidetoshi

[theprettyarachnid]

jjk men taking care of you when you’re sick

a/n: i’m projecting because i don’t feel well but on another note, i have not read a single book so far where megumi doesnt get absolutely violated

also i think i might lowkey kin him

warnings: none

characters: itadori, megumi, inumaki, gojo, suguru, nanami, sukuna

itadori

🕷 unfortunately he’s gotten really good at taking care of sick people from past experience

🕷 yuuji gets really concerned and checks your temperature regularly

🕷 no matter how many times you tell him to stay away so he doesn’t get sick, he won’t

🕷 lowkey becomes your personal maid

🕷 he makes sure you have a cold glass of water by your side and stays with you for as long as he can

🕷 yuuji puts on your favourite movie(s) and pulls you into his chest while rubbing your back so you hopefully go to sleep

megumi

🕷 he knows you’re sick before you do

🕷 you two could be holding hands or he’ll kiss you making him notice how hot you feel

🕷 i feel like megumi doesn’t get sick often

🕷 he makes sure you’re resting and checks on you regularly to make sure you’re still in bed

🕷 if you’re feeling really sick, he might just skip classes all together to stay with you

🕷 is definitely the type of boyfriend to hold your hair back and telling you it’s alright while you throw up

🕷 if you try and get up to do something, you earn a flick to the forehead

🕷 most of the day is just you cuddling while he gently strokes your hair and occasionally getting up to dampen the wash cloth or getting you something

inumaki

🕷 the first sign that shows that you’re sick, he drags you to your dorm

🕷 straight up ignores you if you try saying that you feel fine

🕷 he’s so sweet, like he makes sure all your pillows feel nice and that your blanket is neat before you lie down

🕷 signals you to stay where you are before leaving and coming back with one of his sweatshirts

🕷 crawls into bed with you before pulling you onto his chest

🕷 plays with your hair and occasionally gives you a kiss to the forehead trying to help you fall asleep

🕷 if you can’t, he’s happy to either sit in silence cuddling or watch tv with you

🕷 when you finally fall asleep though, if anyone comes barging in he gives them the nastiest death stare ever in existence

gojo

🕷 you’re probably both sick around the same time so it’s a mutual suffering

🕷 but gojo usually feels a bit better first

🕷 frequently apologizes for possibly getting you sick when there’s literally a virus going around on campus, so there’s a chance he didn’t even give it to you

🕷 you take baths together, trying to help both of your sinuses and achy bodies

🕷 nights consists of the both of you huddling for warmth because you have chills or aggressively shoving each other away because one or both of you got too hot

🕷 apologies from both sides after though

suguru

🕷 because he’s raised two twin girl, he’s learned a few things

🕷 makes you tea with herbs that are supposed to make you feel better as well as making you soup

🕷 suguru doesn’t want you to stay in the same pajamas all day, so he runs you a bath or starts the shower for you

🕷 his explanation is that it will only make you feel worse

🕷plus side is that he gives you either a pair of his sweatpants or a shirt for you to wear when you get out

nanami

🕷 mom mode activated

🕷 tries his hardest to get the day off so he can take care of you

🕷 if he can’t he tells you to call him if you need anything right away

🕷 puts clean clothes in the drier for you to change in so they smell nice and warm

🕷 cooks you anything you want and if he can’t make it, he’ll drive to pick it up

🕷 although if you want something and he thinks it might make you feel worse, he suggests something else

🕷takes your temperature and if it’s high, he gives you a tylenol to help break the fever

🕷 and to hopefully help you fall asleep

🕷 since he usually lies down with you whenever you’re under the weather, he makes sure he’s in more comfortable clothes for you

🕷 might read to you

sukuna

🕷 he doesn’t take care of you directly but he makes sure one of his servants that he trusts does it

🕷 checks on you though and if you keep begging for him to stay, eventually he will

🕷 might mumble some shit about how humans are needy

🕷 he gets slightly concerned though when he feels how hot you are

🕷 becomes a little aggressive if you do anything more than go to bathroom just because you want to ‘give the servants a break’

🕷 if you fall asleep, sukuna stays in bed with you because he claims he doesn’t want to wake you and doesn’t want to hear you whining again

🕷 okay sukuna

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen headcanons #yuuji itadori x reader #megumi fushiguro x reader #inumaki toge x reader #gojo satoru x reader #suguru geto x reader #nanami kento x reader #ryomen sukuna x reader #yuuji itadori jjk #megumi fushiguro jjk #inumaki toge jjk #gojo satoru jjk #suguru geto jjk #nanami kento jjk #ryomen sukuna jjk #fanfiction #fluff #i’m sorry if this is sucky

[mads-is-tired]

Generation Loss Episode Three was Scripted, a short analytical commentary

I don't think Ranboo was entirely in control in episode 3 like we're lead to believe.

I’m obsessed with the set up of “episode three was also scripted by showfall”. Episode one follows a clear plot, there's a few glitches but for the most part you get the vibe that this is what a showfall show usually is. The second episode has more glitches, giving the audience more chances to see “the real gl!Ranboo” and his reactions to the Horrors, before being shoved deeper into the mind control and turning into an NPC in those last bits from the museum onwards. It ends with Hetch breaking through the show and releasing gl!Ranboo. Not completely though, but the audience wouldn’t know that. We are taught to assume from the glitches that when the mask lights are off or flashing, gl!Ranboo is (mostly) in control. So why would we question that now? The lights aren’t even flashing, they’re off. They have a genuine reaction that anyone would have after suddenly becoming aware of themselves in a giant mall. But gl!Ranboo was still under control. Showfall seems to typically control people with accessories, and while that's not always true, the mask is still on him, lights or no lights. 

(i'm putting the rest under the cut because this is over 1000 words and I don't want to be a menace to my mutuals who don't follow genloss)

Ranboo stated that every choice gl!Ranboo makes in the finale was the wrong choice. Saving gl!Charlie, steering gl!Charlie away from the axe, trusting Hetch, choosing the wrong code, walking to the wrong exit, the list goes on.

Charlie has been in every episode. There are theories of him being “Showfalls Favourite”, maybe this is true, or maybe he’s a fan favourite? Maybe the show was set up for Ranboo to find him, and feel compelled to release him from the mind control. Having someone with the main character also prompts dialogue, which we wouldn’t have gotten if Ranboo was by themselves. 

The fateful words “can you run with that?” causes multiple problems for these characters when Ranboo steers Charlie away from the axe. If he had it, they would have gotten out. To me, the most logical explanation is that Showfall could not allow them to escape before Hetch’s grand plan was executed. On one hand, why couldn’t they just have Charlie not pick it up in the first place? Maybe they did actually release Charlie from being mind controlled (but not Ranboo) so his reactions felt real. Why have the axe in the room at all? I don’t have a good explanation for that. But Ranboo saw the TV monster/security, he saw what it did to the employee and Sneeg, why would you risk not having an axe, even if you thought it might slow you down a bit?

After Hetch “died”, he gave instructions to the button. The ratio turns to cinematic. The cameras are no longer being controlled by drones, it’s like a movie. The camera men are no longer acknowledged. Ranboo goes into an almost trance, stabbing the first employee he sees. While I recall Ranboo mentioning that gl!Ranboo was angry at everything and wanted to avenge his friend (or something along those lines), the cinematography from the view’s POV, and just the ‘trace’ full stop feels like a driving point to the plot. This also brings me to the wires that bleed from the employee. I believe that gl!Ranboo’s actions have been influenced by Showfall up until Hetch’s scene, but it was still Ranboo. Now, as the ratio changes, Showfall are back in control. Their filter is back up. The employee we see mauled by security earlier was bleeding, the one Ranboo stabs is wires. I do enjoy the theory that employees who try to escape or try to help cast members escape are killed and filled with wires, as well as the theory that the longer they work for Showfall, the less human they become. It could be any one of these theories, but its definitely important due to the emphasis put on it. 

Charlie’s last moments were spent trying to get Ranboo out, the man was getting gutted and torn to shreds, possibly having wires shoved inside him, and he manages to find the strength to stop screaming in pain and point towards the button. I may be reading into this too much, it's a very plausible scene and it does fall inline with the famous last words trope. I may be reading into all of it too much, as many of these elements could just be creative choices with no real plot behind them, particularly the ratio change. 

Another thing I’ve thought of while writing this, security seems to hang around after its killed. 

We see it over Sneeg’s body, however it must have been there for a while. Ranboo and Charlie were out in the open in the mall, not too far away, surely Sneeg’s screams would have echoed throughout the space, suggesting that he died before they were close enough for them to hear it. Security was also hovering over Charlie, while the other employees were chasing after Ranboo, which you would assume was security’s job. Both of these scenes goes back to that theory of security (re)wiring and reprogramming the employees and cast members. This brings me hope that Charlie and Sneeg aren’t dead, just reprogrammed. But then this goes back to my other post about Ranboo saving Charlie was the reason he died, and the parallel between Ranboo’s choice and the audience's final choice. What's the better outcome? Becoming/remaining a cast member with Showfall Media for as long as they want you to entertain for them, living under mind control for entire lifetimes, or death, right here, right now. The audience, and Ranboo, decided the latter was a better fate. 

As of the last scene with the box, I'm not sure if thats gl!Ranboo in total control or not. According to Ranboo, it is, and Showfall are even putting his memories back. It would make sense he was in control, maybe Showfall were just lucky their 'hero' had so much emotion behind him.

To summarise, there are many details that indicate gl!Ranboo was not in total control in episode three like we are led to believe. We are trusting Hetch just as Ranboo did, and look where that got them.

feel free to add to this in replies, reblogs, tags, whatever! I'd love to hear your thoughts, whether you agree with me or not

#i did it i made the post #its 1088 words btw #i've been coming back to this body of text for like a week adding to it and editing it #i'm not sure if i've made my high school english teachers proud or disappointed #because they'd hate the format and the casual way i write with the questions and such #but i've also practically written an essay of my own free will which is something i've never done before #anyway my genloss brainrot is fading but i still have so many thoughts bouncing around upstairs #actual tags time #generation loss #ranboo #slimecicle #charlie slimecicle #genloss #sneegsnag #gl!slimecicle #gl!ranboo #gl!sneegsnag #gl!charlie #generation loss spoilers #generation loss theory #generation loss finale #generation loss the social experiments #genloss spoilers #ranboolive #mads makes a post #i probably should have added images to this. all well i suppose

[skeletonpunching]

Buddy Daddies producer interview

Interview with Tsuji Mitsuhito (P.A. Works producer) and Toba Yosuke (Aniplex producer)

Interviewer: "Buddy Daddies" is an original work, but how did the initial concept for the project come about?

Tsuji: I'd just started parenting children of my own, and I had a discussion with Toba-san about how it might be nice to do something with that theme - that was the start of it. To be honest, I'd brought this up to various producers before, but I was told that stories about "parenting" were a hard sell…

Toba: Personally, I didn't say it was "impossible" from the start. I said first off, I'd go home and think it over. Building a new piece of entertainment around "parenting"... I thought about it, and in the past, there were foreign TV shows like the sitcom "Full House". Going with that general vibe, I thought it might be fun to have a story about people who have no affinity for parenting getting jerked around by children, and having to struggle through it. And also, I thought about including anime-typical action… For example, wouldn't it be fun if someone who usually murders people gets saddled with parenting? It might feel like "Léon" [1994 movie by Luc Besson] or "A Perfect World" [1993 movie by Clint Eastwood], wouldn't it? Something like that. And then Tsuji-san brought up the topic of the Netflix-distributed movie "Polar" [2019 movie, known for starring Mads Mikkelsen], and this became the story of a hard-boiled man raising a child.

Tsuji: The protagonist of that story was an old assassin guy, so I tried to picture him raising a child.

Toba: But characters who are "old guys" are a tough sell, so I wondered, what comes next? (laughs) And there's the common trope of an assassin taking in the child of a target they killed, but it seemed rather hard to set up a natural way for a killer to take in a child of their own accord. Like in the case of "Léon", the young girl Mathilda voluntarily seeks out the assassin herself - that's a good fit. But Tsuji-san said he didn't want the child to be old enough to make up their own mind and act on it themselves. He preferred a younger child.

Tsuji: After all, it's incredibly difficult parenting kids in early childhood, when they're getting wilful and assertive. I wanted to create a character at that age.

Toba: If so, I thought it'd be tough to develop things further… And then I met Shimokura-san [Shimokura Vio, writer for Nitroplus] on another project, and we got to chatting, and I asked for his opinion. And he said, "In that case, having a duo would work well." One of them is a guy who wants to ditch the child and leave them be, but the other's personality is the opposite, and the interactions and dialogue between these two inevitably create a back-and-forth. If you set up a scenario like this, it's bound to go somewhere, he said. I think Shimokura-san helped me immensely by coming up with this excellent idea. So I decided, let's go straight down the route of odd-couple assassins raising a child.

Tsuji: And I think that's how the idea of this as a "buddy story" really got started. The protagonists were a bit younger than the original concept, but we got them up to around their late twenties to thirties.

Toba: And I thought it'd be nice if these two men took on the roles of father and mother. The two men are bringing up a child without any blood ties to them - that's quite a modern story, reflecting how values are diversifying, and I figured this would work well. "Family with no blood ties" and "two people of the same gender raising a child" - I think both of those are really great themes.

Interviewer: In a so-called "buddy story", the way the main characters' dynamic is written is really essential - what did you focus on in the creation process?

Toba: The two of them essentially get along well, but their personalities being direct opposites is easier to work with, so we used that as a base.

Tsuji: One of the characters is in the mother's role, shouldering the main burden of parenting; the other character is a deadbeat dad who takes up the father's role anyway… Starting from this, we came up with their dialogue and personalities.

Toba: A caring mother, and a father who takes his regular job seriously but does absolutely nothing once he gets home. We basically took that setup and changed them into assassins.

Interviewer: Since this is an original work that was created from scratch, was there anything you got especially hung up on?

Toba: The question of how to depict "parenting". If I had to put it into words now, I'd say that "becoming a family" ended up being a major theme.

Tsuji: (Kurusu) Kazuki has experienced lost love, and (Suwa) Rei is a character with no idea what love is, and all this changes through living with the child (Unasaka) Miri. So portraying the changes the two of them undergo is a big part of it.

Toba: Another detail of the story is the inclusion of "relatable parenting moments". For example, how two men go about "hokatsu" (the hunt to enrol their children in daycare), or what reaction two men have the first time they visit a "specialty children's store"... that's fun to see, isn't it? A guy pedalling around with a child on his bicycle, and he's actually an assassin - stuff like that. I think that sort of minor detail brings out the comedic elements and makes the story more engaging.

Interviewer: So basically, making the details of parenting more realistic.

Toba: Of course. Since many of our staff on this project are veteran parents.

Tsuji: There are also veterans among the writers, so they incorporate plenty of "relatable parenting moments".

Toba: We have a scene along the lines of getting a call from the daycare while you're at work, and being told that your child has a fever, and thinking, "Seriously? I'm on the job (assassination) right now."

Tsuji: The protagonists are basically newbies to parenting, so how will they cope with this… I thought it'd be interesting to show that.

Toba: After all, given their positions, they live in the shadows. There's no one they can discuss this with.

Interviewer: What is the appeal of Kazuki and Rei as characters?

Tsuji: At the outset, Rei doesn't have much emotion, and has no idea about love - but over the course of all 12 episodes, he displays really subtle changes, and I hope the viewers will sense that evolution. I would be very happy if you get emotionally invested in his progression towards understanding love; it's charming and worth watching.

Kazuki's buddy dynamic with Rei, and his parent-child dynamic with Miri, are a lot of fun. Toyonaga-san (Toshiyuki) plays Kazuki, and you get to enjoy his incredible range as an actor. He puts in flourishes that we never imagined, and it's delightful; I feel like he's enhanced Kazuki's charm.

Interviewer: We've already mentioned the actors, but Toyonaga Toshiyuki-san, who plays Kazuki, and Uchiyama Koki-san, who plays Rei, are both perfectly cast.

Toba: I feel like Uchiyama-san is almost just playing himself (laughs), but Toyonaga-san suits the role so well it's like it was written for him. I was amazed just how well it fit. It's like Kazuki is Toyonaga-san and Rei is Uchiyama-san in disguise - it feels as if they themselves are on the screen. It's incredible. That's what I think, personally.

Interviewer: Was the casting this time determined by audition?

Toba: We held auditions. But before that, there was already some talk floating around about how Rei was "very Uchiyama-san". 

Tsuji: There were lots of opinions like that, about the atmosphere and the voices. Previously, I'd worked on another P.A. Works project with Toba-san, and Uchiyama-san played the protagonist there. Generally, in the anime world, you don't often reuse a previous lead actor in your next project, but this time we couldn't shake that feeling of "Uchiyama-san really would be great for this". So who would be good as Uchiyama-san's buddy Kazuki… And we decided on Toyonaga-san. The two of them were a duo in "Zetsuen no Tempest" about 10 years ago, and since then, they've co-starred in various works. They already had a strong rapport, so it seemed like they'd make a good match.

Toba: When it came to this series, I really placed a lot of weight on that aspect as well. I requested that the performances feel a little raw, and as close to their actual selves as possible. So, rather than fitting themselves to the characters, the true goal was to fit the characters to the real people themselves. At that point, we could see Uchiyama-san doing that, and then we thought, "If Toyonaga-san is a good fit too…" And he turned out to be an even more perfect fit than we'd imagined. He's practically just being himself by now. (laughs)

Tsuji: Toyonaga-san comes to pretty much every audition for a P.A. Works project, so I knew that he'd tackled all sorts of challenges in his performances, and had a very wide range. Kazuki is a free-spirited character who isn't constrained by any mould, so I thought he'd be perfect for Toyonaga-san, who can throw himself so freely into his performances, and brings so much to every role. It also felt like P.A. Works had finally found a character that would let us work at full power with Toyonaga-san.

Toba: In that sense, it feels like Kazuki was truly finalised as a character after Toyonaga-san was cast.

Interviewer: Unasaka Miri holds the key to this story - how about Kino Hina-san, who plays her?

Toba: Miri's performance was also mostly left up to Kino-san herself.

Tsuji: Miri is a 4-year-old child, and personally, I wanted to depict a realistic child in anime. So, ever since the audition phase, I requested that everyone steer clear of the sort of stock phrases and mannerisms you find in so-called "kids' anime". If possible, I wanted a naturalistic portrayal of a child. And then I suddenly found myself very taken with Kino-san's performance. In that instant, Director Asai [Yoshiyuki] and I spontaneously glanced at each other, like, "It's her." After she graced us with such wonderful acting, it was a simple decision.

Interviewer: So you wanted the tone and vocal quality to be realistically childlike.

Tsuji: That's right. I was aiming for a performance close to a realistic 4-year-old, but Kino-san is really smart, and gave a take that was uniquely hers. I'm grateful that I could watch the recording process with no worries as well. When all three of the main actors were present, it felt like witnessing a parent-child conversation for real.

Interviewer: You brought up foreign TV shows at the start - so did you consciously draw inspiration from foreign works when writing characters who were involved in the assassin trade?

Toba: It was quite a conscious decision. As mentioned before, the cast's performances were fairly raw, and we were sticklers for realism. We wanted it to feel more like a work which had been dubbed [into Japanese]. We were envisioning something like those really straightforward foreign dramas, which are so-called crime/suspense stories containing comedic elements. I was thinking along the lines of, "This is something J. J. Abrams (American movie and TV producer) would make!" (laughs)

Tsuji: Or rather, let's get J. J. to make a live-action version. (laughs)

Toba: A live-action foreign drama about an assassin raising a child has plenty of possibilities.

Interviewer: Now, please say what you think are the selling points of this series "Buddy Daddies".

Toba: The ups and downs of the buddies' interactions. The comedic contrast of usually-cool assassins being jerked around by a 4-year-old. I think those are the most enjoyable parts to watch. Of course, like I said just now, the main theme is something like "murder and parenting, work and family, which to choose?!", and what conclusion they'll reach in the end… Those dramatic parts are another highlight.

Tsuji: When Miri is riding roughshod over those two adults, she's animated in a really adorable way - I hope you pay attention to all her fun movements. Also, as mentioned before, I'd like you to carefully follow Rei's emotional development. 

Toba: By the way, Tsuji-san's child is also part of the production staff.

Tsuji: I got them to draw Miri's drawings which appear onscreen.

Toba: I said I wanted a real child to do Miri's drawings, and he was like, "Isn't there one right there?" (laughs)

Tsuji: My kid is 6 years old, but it's quite tough to get them to draw. Of course, doing all of it was out of the question, so I mostly asked them to draw the key pictures.

Toba: That sort of realism can't be achieved by an adult, even a professional animator. Getting a child to draw it is significantly more convincing. We made sure to properly include them in the staff credits; I truly hope you look forward to seeing where this art is used.

Interviewer: Finally, please give a message to everyone who is anticipating this series.

Toba: It's a really fun comedy, so I think it's just right to watch without getting too worked up. Just relax and enjoy yourself for 30 minutes.

Tsuji: Personally, I hope that people who are tired out from parenting will watch this and feel that empathy of, "Oh, I'm not alone after all!" I'd like this series to bring them some relief. Of course, not just those people - I want people with no experience of parenting to also watch this and think, "Children are pretty nice."

#buddy daddies #crawls out of the shadows for this #i don't know i just blinked and this happened #crawls back into the shadows #i guess i have to start organising now lol #buddy daddies interview

[synergysilhouette]

Guide to my Rewrites (and other content)

I post a lot of things, and some of those things are rewrites. As such, I thought this would be a nice guide for fans of my rewrites in particular. I'm still adding new things! Lemme know what you think.

Alternate Takes (Disney)

These are projects that have the same characters and settings (for the most part), but different plot points. These particular alternate takes suggest ideas that would've made me enjoy the movie more (or at all) and aren't a fanfic so much as bullet points with pictures.

Aida

Pocahontas

Hercules

The Princess and the Frog

Tangled

Frozen

Big Hero 6

Moana

Frozen 2

Raya and the Last Dragon

Encanto

Strange World

Wish (Note: This is NOT the extensive rewrite I've been working on, entitled "Stargazer". For that, check out this temporary placeholder: Characters/Setting and Prologue/Opening Song)

I also did rewrites for two Dreamworks movies:

The Road to El Dorado

Sinbad

Marvel

Not quite as detailed as my other rewrites, but I thought I'd include them.

Dr. Strange: Multiverse of Madness

Thor: Love and Thunder

Reimagining Disney Movies

These are projects that take Disney's framework (ie a fairy tale) and create my own characters, plot, setting, and song titles for it.

The Snow Queen

Kingdom of the Sun

Rapunzel

Extensive rewrites

TV shows that I've remade episode-for--episode, perhaps removing and adding some as I see fit.

X-Men: Evolution--New roster, Season 1, Season 2, Season 3, Roster (Timeskip), Season 4, and Season 5

Miraculous Ladybug--Season 1, Season 2, Season 3, Season 4 (currently working on Season 5; been dragging my feet with that!)

Wolverine & the X-Men--New Roster, Season 1

Anime as comic books

Yes, this is a topic. I remember when I was in this headspace, and it was really fun. I basically reimagined what if popular anime had been created as superhero comic books that golden or silver age.

Dragon Ball

Naruto

Anime rewrites

Black Butler

Naruto (Part I)

Bucchigiri?! (Pending)

High Card: Season 1

Video Game Rewrites

These aren't quite as detailed as my usual rewrites.

Bayonetta

Fire Emblem: Awakening

Fire Emblem: Fates

Fire Emblem: 3 Houses

Kingdom Hearts

Mood Boards

Just something I've made for fun to inspire others! Not an expert on making them, but it was still something I wanted to do.

My Wish rewrite (temporary)

Disney's Swan Lake

Disney's Hansel & Gretel

Disney's Rumpelstiltskin

Disney's Red Riding Hood

Sub-Saharan Disney musical

Disney Superhero Film

Japanese Disney musical

Actors who could play Disney villains

Choices: Stories You Play

REALLY into this game for a period--but it started to get awful when "Witness" came into play. Here's a list of reviews (which I've stopped doing) as well as concepts for new books (originally on Reddit before I got banned).

"Before I Say I Do"

"Celebrity Status"

"Summoned to Court"

"Arkikara"

"Fairy Godparent"

"Hierarchy: Scheming University"

"Willow Falls"

"Late at Night"

"Spellcaster"

"Four"

"America's Most Eligible" (Review)

"Desire & Decorum" (Review)

"High School Story" (Review)

"Rules of Engagement" (Review)

"The Freshman" (Review)

"Queen B" (Review)

#disney #disney animation #disney princess #the princess and the frog #tangled #frozen #moana #frozen 2 #raya and the last dragon #wish #big hero 6 #pocahontas #hercules #xmen #x men #marvel #marvel comics #xmen evolution #x men evolution #miraculous #miraculous ladybug #dreamworks #sinbad #the road to el dorado #kingdom of the sun #encanto #anime #naruto #dragon ball #dragon ball z

[r-aindr0p]

People I'd Like To Get To Know Better Tag Game (didnt reblog to not make the post too long abjzjjdn)

Aaaa got tagged by @jovieinramshackle !

Last Song/Album : MAGICIAN - by Lexie Liu (love love that song from the second it starts aaaaaaaaaaa, also kinda want to draw rollo based on that song but that's just my Rollo brainrot with any song I listen to tbh....)

Favorite color : I'll give you a little hint... (alright yeah it's also a good excuse to show my "favorite color coded characters collection" I have) (have never watched the slime anime or horse girl game I just love their chara designs so much, they are... so so blue...)

Sweet, spicy or savory : Sweet, terribly sweet... Sweet to the point that there's often unmelted sugar on the bottom of my coffee cup. Savory is really nice too though ! (spice is no no I can't even handle pepper, it's just not a pleasant feeling at all)

Last TV show : Started watching Dungeon Meshi !

Last film : Dune 2 ! I liked it a lot ! (and been watching all the fast and furious movies with friends lately otherwise... I've never ever seen them before so I joined the marathon)

Last thing I looked up online : "Colosseum birthday cake" To use for an out of context Dune 2 moodboard !

Relationship status : I am one with the dust in my bedroom and very much fine like that

Current obsession : Rollo as usual, fantasy worldbuilding too since I've started dungeon meshi and rewatched some elden ring stream vods hhhh, priest, clerics, men of the cloth I want to become better at drawing priest outfits hhhhghsjf, also wanting to draw more of my magical musketeers in maybe fencing situation and more interactions.... And in dire need of the Stardew valley 1.6 update to see all the new stuff, maybe more Elliot dialog lines ??

Not tagging people because I'm a ✨️coward✨️ and if I do try I will feel the urge to close tumblr as fast as possible right after tagging so yeah

#if you guessed blue for the color congrats #even the shitpost guy pattern on the left has some blue how fantastic #it's a guy that used to animate a french quiz tv game called questions for a champion #wanted to try to draw a little something for each thing but fhdhjskhf I couldn't find ideas that I liked ;; #definitely not an edelgard fan I love blue scary angry guy more #though the ultimate faves remain Linhardt and Lorenz

[profiterole-reads]

2023 Favourites

In no particular order. This is content I've read and watched in 2023, not necessarily content released in 2023.

Books

1. Notorious Sorcerer by Davinia Evans: fantasy with some m/m. The protagonist travels to other planes for alchemical ingredients and ends up having to learn greater workings. I love the Byzantine vibe of the worldbuilding.

2. The Daughters of Izdihar by Hadeer Elsbai: fantasy with some f/f. Two women, a waterweaver and an earthweaver, join a women's rights movement. I love the Egyptian-inspired worldbuilding.

3. Reforged by Seth Haddon: m/m fantasy. This King/Paladin novel has a surprising plot. The magic system is very original as well, I especially like the music part of it.

4. The Buried and the Bound by Rochelle Hassan: urban fantasy with some m/m (YA). The hedgewitch protecting the town teams up with a boy cursed to forget his true love and another one trapped as a bondservant.

5. [Spanish] Lazos de Sangre by LR Jeffers: m/m urban fantasy (erotica). This is a series about werewolves and big cat shifters, usually angsty and hot.

6. [French] Meute by Karine Rennberg: urban fantasy with some m/m + another protagonist is aroace and uses sign language. This is a novel about building your own werewolf pack. I think this is my first time encountering 2nd-person narration in French and it works surprisingly well.

7. Cascade by Rachel A. Rosen: science fantasy with mlm and wlw protagonists + no romance. An ecological disaster has freed magic. In Canada, the Party works with a wizard in order to try and save humanity. I love the intricacies of the plot, which skilfully mixes politics, science and magic.

8. Ocean's Echo by Everina Maxwell: m/m science fiction. Telepathy, my favourite trope, done by one of my fave authors! It was even better than I expected.

9. The Deep Sky by Yume Kitasei: science fiction/murder mystery with several non-binary major characters. 80 people from all around the world embark on a one-way interstellar voyage. As they're all required to get pregnant, they're obviously afab, but several are non-binary, with mentions of a trans man.

10. Forget Me Not by Alyson Derrick: f/f romance (YA). This is a very romantic novel about two girls dating in secret until one gets amnesia. I enjoy this trope a lot.

TV shows

1. Good Omens: fantasy with queer protagonists + some f/f. I love the book and I love the adaptation. Season 2 is original content, but it's faithful to the spirit of the novel.

2. Shadow and Bone: fantasy with some m/m (YA). This successfully mixes the Shadow and Bone trilogy (that I haven't read) and the Six of Crows duology (that I have read and enjoyed).

3. Warrior Nun: fantasy with some f/f. Nuns literally fight against demons.

4. The Power: superpower fiction with some f/f + a trans woman and an intersex man. Teenage girls start developing an electrical superpower, which makes them safer from men.

5. Nü Er Hong: GL wuxia. This c-drama is a quick watch, with 27 episodes of 2 minutes. I love that these short webdramas always have more or less the same actresses.

6. The Devil Judge: dystopia/thriller with BL vibes. This k-drama has a tight plot and fascinating characters. There's a girl in a wheelchair and the rep is well done.

7. Naughty Babe: BL romance/murder (attempt) mystery. This Thai drama is the sequel to Cutie Pie, except that they switched up the main pairing and the secondary pairing. I think it's possible to watch it on its own.

8. Wedding Plan: BL + GL romcom. This Thai drama has mlm-wlw solidarity, which I hope to see more of in the future. There are also cameos from the BL couples from Love in the Air.

9. Oh! My Assistant: BL romcom. This hilarious k-drama is about a het porn webtoon creator and his assistant. Despite this topic, the drama is not explicit.

10. Welcome to the Lesbian Bar: GL contemporary fiction. This k-drama is a quick watch, with 5 episodes of 6 minutes. In each episode, 2 customers come have a drink and chat with the owner.

Movies

1. Barbie: fantasy that is so gender! This was such a big surprise coming from Hollywood.

2. Nimona: fantasy with a protagonist who is a trans/enby allegory + some m/m (YA). I haven't read the graphic novel, so this was more depressing than I expected (it deals a lot with discrimination), but still an excellent movie.

3. Wingwomen (Voleuses in the original French): action movie with a sapphic protagonist + f/f vibes between the other two. I love heist movies all about women.

4. Kill Bok-soon: action movie with some f/f. This Korean movie has interesting cinematography. Note that it's very violent, though.

5. Red, White & Royal Blue: m/m romcom. I love the book and I love the adaptation.

6. Anything's Possible: m/f romance with a trans female protagonist (YA). This is a very positive movie, about love, art and nature.

7. Fanfic: m/m romance with a trans male protagonist (YA). This Polish movie is sometimes dark, sometimes fun.

#rec list #lgbt sff #lgbt books #sff books #lgbt tv shows #sff tv shows #lgbt movies #sff movies #mlm #m/m #wlw #f/f #non-binary #trans female #m/f #trans male #intersex #gender #aromantic #asexual #fantasy #sci-fi #contemporary #french #français #spanish #español

[thelostgirl21]

Tips for those of you that wish to enjoy Geraskier as a romantic couple, without erasing Jaskier's greyromantic (more specifically sapioromantic) identity.

Alright, here's the deal...

I've recently gone on a very long rant re: how queer baiting has conditioned most of us, in the queer community, to read any emotionally intimate friendship between two same-gender characters as romance.

Because:

A) The lack of officially acknowledged same-gender relationships on screen - in major TV shows and series that aren't specifically about LGBTQ+ themes - has put us in a situation where, if he want to enjoy any same-gender romance at all, we are forced to interpret close "officially platonic" (*cough*StormPilot*cough*) pairings as romantic couples.

B) The TV and movie industries have been purposefully encouraging such perceptions, and inserting as many "romantic cues" as they can into such same-gender "friendships", to keep their LGBTQ+ audience involved in those stories without alienating their more conservative audiences by having to depict some actual queer romances.

So, not only are non-queer people under the impression that it's perfectly typical, for same-gender friends, to constantly become so emotionally and physically close and intimate with each other that they behave as if they are almost dating while also being 100% straight.

But, they don't realize that there is barely any equivalent of straight men/women characters on screen developing such emotionally and physically intimate friendships without them inevitably "getting together" romantically at some point.

Unless one of them is already romantically taken, that is (and even there, a dreaded "love triangle" may occur and they'll still wind up together anyway!).

But, if the boy and the girl are both straight and available, and they behave as you would expect a married couple at some point, obviously they are romantically/sexually into each other! What else?!

If it's two same-gender characters, however?!

Well, it's obviously a friendship all the way (while nevertheless often heavily dousing that friendships with romantic subtext).

And sadly, the way queer baiting has been heavily messing with our perceptions of platonic vs romantic relationships is putting the aromantic community at a huge disadvantage.

What huge disadvantage, I hear you ask?

I mean, after all, if all those emotionally close and intimate relaltionships remain platonic in canon, shouldn't people on the aromantic spectrum be happy about it, and feel represented? Don't they have tons of "queerplatonic ships" to choose from, and enjoy as such?

Sadly, no.

The answer is firm and resounding NO.

Wanna know why?

Because, most of the time, whenever a relationship might read as "potentially queerplatonic", it is virtually never acknowledged as such.

It is virtually never about them.

It has absolutely nothing to do with both, or one, of those characters being on the aromantic spectrum.

When we talk about classic models of "bromances", those are virtually always occurring between two men that are assumed to be otherwise straight (or, at least, one of them is, ex: Jace Herondale & Alec Lightwood from "Shadowhunters"), or two women that are assumed to be otherwise straight (or, at least, one of them is).

When "bromances" occur between a man and a woman (I'm thinking Steve and Robin, from "Stranger Things"), it is usually because one of them is gay.

The implication and the message being sent to us with all those close friendships is thus a very clear:

"You can only achieve such emotionally close (queer)platonic friendships, and/or companionships, because you are not sexually compatible.

Otherwise, you would already be forming a romantic couple, and/or secretly longing to be in one.

If Robin wasn't a lesbian, she and Steve would obviously be dating."

And the reason why Steve and Nancy still love each other that deeply - despite no longer being a couple - is because they still have romantic feelings for each other despite Nancy also having romantic feelings for Jonathan and having chosen him as a romantic partner...

So, that has nothing to do with queerplatonic relationships, either, at all!

Also, can someone please sit these three kids down and have a good discussion regarding polyamorous relationships with them? Thank you!

So, how could anyone on the aromantic spectrum identify with those friendships, and/or feel represented by them, when they are always treated as being either "lesser than" a romance, or "a consolation price" when romance isn't an option?

That's not even bad representation, it's a complete lack of representation!

Yet aromantic love (be it defined as alterous, platonic, etc.) can be as beautiful, intense, and sincere as a romance, and there's a deep, almost spiritual connection there.

It is not "lesser than", but simply different.

The kind of emotional intimacy you share, and the way you connect together with the person you "platonically/alterously fell in love with" feels different.

The relationship dynamic you may achieve together, and the kind of commitment you may choose to make with those friends (that may even become life partners), as well as your needs and expectations, tend to be different than what would be expected of a romantic partnerships, although there can be many overlaps.

Aromantic forms of platonic/alterous love aren't a consolation price when romance isn't an option!

They deserve to be seen and treated as a first choice.

Those relationships provide a unique and profoundly valuable way of emotionally and sometimes even physically (because physical attraction can be sensual rather than sexual, and there are best friends that are comfortable enough to be sexually intimate together without any desire to form a romantic couple, too, by the way) connecting and being intimate with another person.

And what currently makes Geraskier unique in canon, is that they've established that Jaskier, at the very least, would have been 100% compatible with Geralt romantically and sexually (given he's a panromantic pansexual).

What makes the way Jaskier has been canonically falling in love with Geralt different from the usual BrOTPs the queer community are usually offered, however, is the fact that Jaskier's desires for Geralt are not romantic, but platonic in the way aromantic people are known to experience love.

Jaskier having no romantic crush for Geralt would thus not prevent him, at all, from wanting to share a loving relationship, and even perhaps queerplatonic partnership with him.

He could still love him in an amorous way. He could still yearn for sharing some sensual (or even sexual) intimacy with him.

Between having what people typically consider "purely platonic" and "purely romantic" feelings, there is a wonderful universe of affections and attractions for Jaskier and Geralt to explore together!

And aromantic people can experience the same level of heartbreak and loss upon losing their "best friend in the whole wide world" than they would a romantic partner.

I mean, when you listen to Jaskier sing:

Did you ever even care With your swords and your stupid hair?

in "Burn Butcher Burn", I've always felt like it was a callback to the very first things that Jaskier physically noticed about Geralt, and what initally sparked his (platonic? alterous? sensual? sexual? aesthetic? all of the above? other?) attraction for him!

If we compare the way Geralt and Jaskier behave together on screen with queerplatonic partners in real life, there is no proof of anything romantic going on.

I can't stress this enough.

HOWEVER, sadly, queerplatonic partnerships aren't really ever explored and acknowledged as such on screen. So, most people are very unfamiliar with them.

Instead, the TV and movie industry typically makes same-gender characters behave in an amorous manner to suggest romance and bait their queer audience.

AND it took them 4 FREAKING YEAR (we're actually a bit closer to 5 now) to confirm that Jaskier fell in love with Geralt platonically, rather than romantically, while canonically establishing Radovid as being Jaskier's very first sapioromantic crush.

This is where real life collides with fiction in a deeply heartbreaking way, to me...

Because during those 4 years, the queer community has been reading Geraskier as a romantic couple the way they've been taught and conditioned to identify queer romance on screen.

Most of them likely haven't even considered the possibility that Jaskier could have been on the aromantic spectrum, and thus "squishing" (hard) on Geralt rather than "crushing" (romantically) on him.

I don't believe that any of those fans would have had any desire to ignore and/or reject aromantic love and/queerplatonic relationships representation, if they'd known earlier on that Jaskier simply wasn't someone that experiences romantic desires (unless certain very specific conditions are met).

And 2 complete seasons is a very long time for romantic Geraskier fans to get profoundly attached to their ship, and feel somewhat gaslighted by the show's producers and writers when suddenly they're told "Oh no, they were 'just friends' all along! Nothing romantic to see here!"

(Of course, with the establishment of Jaskier as a greyromantic, they were never 'just friends' in the typical sense, but I've feeling that many fans have missed how significant Jaskier experiencing his very first crush was to the narrative.)

So, I believe that the knee-jerk response of pure disbelief that Geraskier could have been representing anything other than a romance can be expected and understood within that context.

HOWEVER, the unfortunate consequence is how that anger and disbelief has lead some fans to claiming that Geraskier can only be read as romantic.

Using some arguments such as: only someone romantically in love with Geralt could ever have experienced the level of heartbreak that Jaskier did, and written a song such as "Burn Butcher Burn", following their breakup.

I've seen some arguing that, if Jaskier's feelings had been "platonic", he wouldn't have been so hurt by their "break-up".

What those that have been shipping Geraskier romantically for over 4 years are truly expressing, I believe, is:

"Once again, I feel like I've been emotionally used and baited by the TV industry that keep on denying any romantic intent whenever they heavily layer a same-gender friendships with romantic subtext; and I can't agree with what they've done, or accept that Geraskier should be read as platonic!"

And I do hear you, I get it, I see how wrong it is that you have been made to feel that way, and I do not believe that you should be forced to embrace Geraskier as being aromantic / queerplatonic, or made to feel guilty for wishing to continue to ship Geraskier romantically.

But what I want to help you realize, is that by using such arguments, what your fellow queer siblings, on the aromantic spectrum, are hearing is:

"The way you love not only does not exist, but even if it did it can't be as strong, nor as valuable, as romantic love."

And that's not okay. The anger and hurt you feel is okay and 100% justified, but insisting that aromantics are not capable of such love, by saying that Jaskier's behavior with Geralt has always been obviously romantic, is not okay!

If you've been using those arguments before, first take the time to acknowledge how you feel, realize that you are not to blame for those feelings, remember you're still an amazing person, and take a fucking deep breath, alright?

Because you're 100% entitled to blame the people that have kept messing with your head and your perceptions through their queerbaiting practices for those mistakes you just made.

If we go purely by classic TV show queerbaiting standards, that relationship did seemingly present itself as romantic. You weren't wrong for seeing romance there.

But queerbaiting isn't real life.

Remember this: queerbaiting is not at all representative of how relationships work in reality.

In reality, you have romantic same-gender relationships that read as romantic and that are romantic.

In reality, you also have queerplatonic relationships that people often mistake as romantic, but are nevertheless queerplatonic.

In reality, queerplatonic relationships do happen between same-gender partners, but also between sexually compatible men and women, too.

In a strongly stereotyped TV and movie world, where relationships are oversimplified and watered down to follow rigid rules and expectations, canon Geraskier is a relationship that feels refreshingly real.

This is the kind of friendship I have with some of my own best friends. I know at least 5 friends (and maybe more, but they're the first 5 faces that popped to mind), for whom I've got 100% platonic feelings for, that I'd feel 100% comfortable rubbing chamomile onto their lovely bottom, alright?

On TV? Thanks to a legacy of queerbaiting, such a scene feels gay as hell!

In real life? Look, if you've pulled a muscle in your buttocks, and a massage will do you good? Pants down, my friend! Pass me that chamomile oil, I'm here for you buddy!

You're a heterosexual man and I'm a pansexual woman? I don't see how that changes anything to the task at hand! Or how that would be supposed to make me suddenly develop romantic feelings for you I've never had! You don't suddenly fall romantically in love with a best friend just because you've *gasped* "touched the butt", for frak's sake!

Just... give me a moment to recover from that ludicrous idea...

So, you want that butt massage or not, dude?

The physical contact might be affectionate, sensual, and feel intimate... but friendships are emotionally and quite often physically (though a bit more rarely sexually) intimate, too.

And demisexuals, like myself, might actually tend to favor and enjoy sensual intimacy (tender caresses, kisses, snuggles, etc.) more than they enjoy sexual intimacy, even with their romantic partners.

So, I can't blame any of you for how you might have instinctively responded to the announcement of Geraskier being canonically platonic.

But, now that it's done, and you've hopefully let that frustration out, I am inviting you to shake off all that queerbaiting conditioning, reclaim power over your own mind, and reflect on how love happens in real life, outside of those distorted TV standards.

I am inviting you to reflect on how those arguments might accidentally be invalidating the love that is experienced by another marginalized queer community.

And hopefully, bringing some measure of comfort to the aromantic community, as well, by letting them know that the vast majority of Geraskier fans that did have that knee-jerk reaction of saying "Geraskier is obviously romantic because there's no way Jaskier would have responded like this, or loved him so much, if there was no romance!" likely have been reacting that way because the TV and movie industries have been constantly "teasing them" with romance, while laughing in their faces and telling them that they are crazy for reading romance into those dynamics (hence why I'm calling it downright gaslighting)!

As aromantics, you did not deserve having your own sexual identity invalidated.

After all, I think this is literally the first time that aromantics have been offered some actual representation on a show that does not specifically revolve around queer characters or queerness, and a chance to openly explore a (queer)platonic ship where one of the two characters is an acknowledged greyromantic.

The last thing you need, is to have people come and mock Jaskier and Geralt's relationship, by saying that it can't be anything other than romance.

But, knowing where that hostile response towards the idea that Geraskier might be platonic comes from, might help you hopefully understand that the hostility wasn't meant for you, and that I'm sure the vast majority of the fans of that pairing would have been more careful, with the way they've been expressing their own hurt, if they'd realized the kind of message it sent.

Because if there are people that should understand how having their own sexuality being erased in fandom hurts - ex: whenever someone decides that they are going to start writing a canonically bisexual or pansexual characters as either straight or gay, depending on the gender of the character they are pairing them with - it should be bisexuals and pansexuals.

So, if you are unfamiliar with sapioromantism, here's what to know:

Sapioromantics are greyromantics that experience romantic attraction towards a person in response to the way they perceive that person's intellect.

This is what awakens their desire to form a romantic bond with another person and, under the right circumstances (because I'm guessing they might also need to find the other person aesthetically attractive, for example), allows them to fall romantically in love.

Otherwise, they can still fall in love with people, but platonically/alterously.

The show officially decided, this season, that Jaskier was to experience his very first crush with Radovid, feel confused about his feelings, sense that there's something different about the way he's attracted towards him, etc.

BUT there's no obligation for you to follow the show canon when it comes to Geraskier.

There's no obligation, at all, to give up on Geraskier as a romantic ship or pairing.

The fact is that Geralt is a deeply intelligent and insightful man, too. So, it's not unrealistic that a sapioromantic could have been attracted to that side of him, and fallen in love with Geralt romantically as well.

Yennefer is another smart, brilliant woman that can absolutely be romantically shipped with a sapioromantic.

There are many, many different types of intelligence, and what Radovid appears to specifically be displaying is more specifically high levels of emotional/relational intelligence, true.

But that's how the show decided to portray the specifics of Jaskier's sapioromantism.

And you won't be erasing a character's sexual identity if you decide to have your own version of Jaskier romantically connecting with other forms of intelligence.

People mention that Geralt, in the books, uses way more words than on the show, and would apparently rather discuss philosophy with Jaskier, at times, than hunt monsters.

You won't be disrespecting or erasing the aromantic community if you make Jaskier become romantically attracted to other models of human intellect.

You really don't have to accept Geraskier as a platonic ship after having grown attached to them as romantic partners for over 4 years! I don't believe it would ever be fair to ask that of you or even remotely necessary!

And, as far as I'm concerned, I'd never dare tell you that you "misread" Geraskier as romantic. I think Joey Batey might have been exploring the idea of Jaskier being an aromantic or greyromantic seeking a queerplatonic relationship with Geralt since seasons one, yes...

However, as he said in interviews, he had never received any clear answer regarding his portrayal of Jaskier's queerness before Season 3.

So, you couldn't really have "misread" something they hadn't fully made up their minds about now, could you?

Queerplatonic relationships do often read as romantic, too, as they tend to share many similarities.

What hurts, is when Jaskier's behavior and the strength of his love for Geralt is being used as proof that his emotions can't be platonic, and/or ignore that Jaskier is being portrayed as a greyromantic in Season 3.

Aromantic representation matters.

I'm therefore hoping that we can find the right balance between allowing everyone to ship their favorite character(s) with who they want romantically if they need to; while at the same time avoiding to erase Jaskier's sapioromantism, and/or arguing that platonic/alterous attractions can't be as important nor as strong as romantic attractions.

I think with a little empathy, the queer community can find the right point of balance between everyone's needs, and be given the opportunity to ship and enjoy Geraskier (queer)platonically and romantically, without invalidating Jaskier's sexuality in the process either way.

I know this post is similar to that other one I'd made, but I've heard few a-spec people saying that they'd had to stop following certain fans, because of the way those fans were were aggressively arguing that it was impossible for Jaskier to have been loving Geralt platonically in Season 1 and Season 2.

And so, I felt it needed to be said again, with this time giving a bit more importance to the aromantic side of that issue, and offering fans that ship Geraskier as a romantic pairing some information on what sapioromantism is, and how you can make Jaskier's greyromantic identity work as part of your own romances and headcanons.

You could decide to have Jaskier experience romantic feelings for the very first time with Geralt (instead of Radovid), and be adorably awkward about it! The possibilities are pretty much endless!

I just hope you can realize that what's happening on the show is not yet again another case of "Stormpilot" or "Stucky", or any other same-gender straight guys acting queer together!

Geraskier is canonically queer. Possibly queerplatonic, but most definitely queer, because Jaskier is a pan greyromantic that fell in love with Geralt in a platonic/alterous way, and might have experienced sensual and sexual desires for him.

It's a queer ship, regardless of whether you ship them platonically or romantically.

Personally, I think I'm likely to enjoy

But that is entirely up to you.

Just please be mindful that, when you start mocking the idea of Jaskier and Geralt having platonic feelings for each other, you are ridiculing a canonically queer ship, as well as the type of love experienced by a canonically queer greyromantic character, though.

This is what I have a problem with.

And no, saying "Well, I can headcanon that Jaskier isn't a greyromantic because he hadn't come out as greyromantic in Season 1 and Season 2, so I'll continue to write him as being able to fall romantically in love with anyone!" is not okay.

Back in 2012, when Mass Effect 3 came out, Kaidan Alenko was revealed to be a canonically bisexual character, available to be romanced by both fem!Shep and m!Shep.

However, since some women were uncomfortable with Kaidan's bisexuality, they decided to continue writing him as straight in fanfiction arguing that, because he could only be romanced by fem!Shep in ME1 (and everyone had thus assumed he was straight since 2008) they were allowed to continue to write him as straight, and ignore the character having been established as bisexual in the 3rd game.

Yet, the fact that Kaidan is bisexual, rather than straight, does not create any obstacle for him to be in a romance with fem! Shep!

There is no rational reason to headcanon him, or continue writing him, as a straight character moving forward once he's come out as bisexual!

"Well, my Kaidan Alenko is straight!"

Congratulations! You are expressing a biphobic view of the character!

Understandingly, the bisexual and pansexual communities were angry about it, and called them out on it.

So, let's not put the aromantic community through the same thing, shall we?

Because there is absolutely no reason to ignore Jaskier being on the aromantic spectrum while romantically pairing him with Geralt, Yennefer, or even both!

If you purely go by the books or the games, it's another story. They have their own canon.

But if you are writing / using the TV show character, Jaskier being a sapioromantic has been made canon, and is not creating any obstacle for him to experience romantic love for other characters than Radovid.

Other characters are plenty intelligent enough to realistically spark a sapioromantic connection with him, should you wish to!

Have Jaskier be intrigued/enamored with some of their intellectual features, and you'll be doing just fine.

If you're unsure how to do that, simply ask.

Ex: once that romantic spark has been ignited, you don't need to have the character continue to constantly obsess about the other character's intellect... I'm demisexual, and I don't keep obsessing about how trustworthy I find my sexual partner to be, despite the fact that my own sexual desires are usually "sparked" by a deep sense of trust/emotional safety with the other person.

There is also the notion that you can occasionally find yourself with an exception that feels different without the character themselves knowing why. Ex: a friend that identified as a lesbian (romantically and sexually) found herself desiring a man for the first time and, to this day, she still has no clue what was special about THAT man, but she decided to go with her instincts rather than "Oh no! It doesn't fit my label or established orientation, and therefore I shall skip a chance at romantic love and sex with this wonderful man!"

You want to introduce a bit of flexibility to Jaskier's sapioromantic instincts? You can do it respectfully, while still finding a way to point out, in your writing, that him having a crush on Geralt, Yennefer, or [insert name of the character here] is still an uncommon occurance.

You can enjoy what you love, without erasing a canonically queer character's identity to suit your own romantic narrative, is basically what I'm saying.

And you can enjoy your own romantic ship, especially, without mocking or belittling a canonically queer aromantic ship (Geraskier).

The rest is 100% up to you!

Our sweet aromantic sisters, brothers, and non-binary siblings deserve some love and visibility, too. And to enjoy things that have been made canonically theirs without becoming the unfortunate casualties of other people's disappointment.

If you hadn't realised canon Geraskier was a queer ship, and/or understood/noticed that Jaskier was being portrayed as a greyromantic that experiences romantic attraction for the first time in Season 3, it's okay.

Once again, I'm not taking the time to explain all this to blame those that jumped on the "b-but... Jaskier so obviously has romantic feelings for Geralt!" conclusion.

Had they been a sexually straight man and woman on a TV show, chances are they'd be "romantic endgame" or at least go through a "romantic phase" (a practice that is deeply wrong and damaging, too, IMHO, and does not allow to properly represent what platonic / alterous love is, and/or offer queerplatonic relationships any actual visibility), yes.

And, like every instance of queerbaiting, it ended up with the close emotional and physical intimacy between them not leading to any romantic conclusion.

But it did lead to a very much queer conclusion, and Jaskier having been portrayed as a character that fell in love with Geralt aromantically, thus being highly representative of a queer community.

This is that "but" that I sincerely hope you now understand, and will be treating with the same care and respect that you want others to show the representation of your own sexuality.

If you are a fellow panromantic/pansexual, or even bisexual, omnisexual, polysexual, etc. Yes, the representation also affects you / is close to you.

But Jaskier has been canonically established as more than pan. He's also a-spec on the romantic side, and it's actually the first label that Batey used to describe his romance with Radovid.

That his romantic desires be triggered specifically by the way he connects with a person's intellect, rather than their gender, matters to the community it represents.

Now that it has been brought to your attention, please do not lose sight of that over your own joy of him being queer, and romantically/sexually compatible with men. It's all I'm humbly asking of you.

#Jaskier #Geralt of Rivia #Geraskier #The Witcher #Aromantic #representation #Sapioromantic Jaskier #Greyromantic Jaskier #Pan Jaskier #Pansexual Jaskier #Panromantic Jaskier #My Post #My thoughts #Personal #LGBTQ+ #Queerplatonic #relationships #Platonic love #Being #Queer #Queer shipping issues

[santiagonex]

I can’t sleep. Let’s talk about the four sacred top fives of 2022 as in top 5 gay movies, top 5 gay tv ships (or shows as whole), top 5 short gay movies and for the next one, let’s change it up a little bit and I’ll provide you with top 5 upcoming gay movies (2023) I’m looking forward to and are currently in the process of pre-production, production or post-production.

Top 5 Gay Movies of 2022

5. La Santa Piccola - very different from your usual gay movies, but the scenery is gorgerous and the story made me feel things 4. Badhaai Do - amazing queer representation in Indian Cinema, "gay guy and a lesbian woman enter into holy matrimony to appease their families”... just pure comedy and romance and the friendship is beautiful 3. Fire Island - a classic rom-com, must-see 2. In from the Side - rugby gays, affair, romance... all of that 1. Sublime - since it’s finally available on VoD, I had a chance to watch it this weekend and the soundtrack and story got me... Mi mejor amigo vibes but actually gay

Top 5 Gay Ships/TV Shows of 2022

5. Heartstopper - a classic, it was honestly hard to rate the shows because they’re all equally brilliant in my eyes 4. Heartbreak High - australian Sex Education, obsessed 3. The Bastard Son & The Devil Himself - magic, witches, gays... c’mon 2. Prisma - very important show 1. Patrick/Iván in Élite - they’re literally everything to me, if you get it you get it, if you don’t you don’t, if you know you know and if you don’t know I honestly feel bad for you like I literally cannot explain it, I don’t have the vocabulary to sit here and explain like either you get the vibe or you don’t

Top 5 Gay Shorts of 2022

5. Catalina - a queer man and his two childhood best friends reunite for a weekend camping trip on Catalina Island... could there be sumn more? 4. Too Rough - Nick wakes up next to his boyfriend Charlie and must conceal him from his own homophobic and dysfunctional family... very sad 3. Jean est tombé amoureux - two football players of opposite teams falling in love... mm very good! 2. Swim - two swimmers develop a strong friendship during their weekly sessions, but their relationship is tested outside the pool, when true identities are revealed... this one fawked me up good 1. Hard - Mikey experiences awkwardness and struggles to navigate the uncertainties of his sexuality after his first time with a girl doesn't go as expected, forcing him to confront his feelings of desire for his best friend... this was so much fun to watch

Top 5 Upcoming Gay Movies in 2023

5. The History of Sound - Paul Mescal and Josh O’Connor in a gay romance period drama? We’re looking forward to that actually! Anyways, they were supposed to film it this year, but they had busy schedules. Current plan is next year. Also Paul was hanging out with the director last month, so maybe something’s cooking. 4. Glitter & Doom - described as a summer romance musical feature told with the iconic tunes of folk duo Indigo Girls. Film follows a musician who wears charisma as camouflage and a carefree guy about to run away with the circus as they fall in love at first sight. Sounds fun. 3. Nuovo Olimpo - any Ferzan Özpetek fans? Any Manuel from Un professore fans? Well, looks like we won. Period drama set in Italy, following two men who have a chance encounter and then fall deeply in love, and then are torn apart. The film then follows them both over the next decades as they attempt to find each other again. 2. Strangers - yes, another one with Paul Mescal... yes, I’m crazy. And hi Andrew Scott. Directed by Andrew Haigh (Weekend, HBO’s Looking). Word on the street is that their characters will be romantically involved since Mescal's character corresponds to a woman who has a romance with the protagonist (Scott) in the original novel. We will be tuning in. 1. Bonus Track - film set in 2006, follows a small-town boy with dreams of being a gifted musician. When the son of an iconic musical duo enrols at his school, a powerful bond between the boys begins to grow. Based on an original story by Josh O'Connor (yes, him) and Michael Gilbert.

Anyways, that is it. There are a lot of movies that weren’t released THIS year yet, and I’m looking forward to them (Punch, Aristotle and Dante, Spoiler Alert,...). But I would be just repeating myself, so I’m not gonna talk about that.

#lgbtedit #lgbtcinema

[hezuart]

what’s so important about the bechdel test? Citizen Kane doesn’t pass it but still has critical acclaim.

The Bechdel test while short in nature and criticized for its over simplicity, is typically used to determine whether a show or movie has proper representation of women. A lot of tv or movies out there don't feature a lot of women and the ones that do usually make them accessories to the men. Their characters orbit the men of the media, their stories are nonexistent outside of the men of the media, and even when there are no men on screen- its somehow still about the men of the media. The women are not their own characters. It kinda defeats the purpose of them even being in the film if they're only there as support for the guys- every time. It makes them flat, it makes them... well, not women, if that makes any sense. Can you imagine hanging out with a friend and the only thing you ever talk about is guys you know? All day every day? Whenever you see each other? Nothing else?

You can talk about your father, your brother, your boyfriend, the guy from class, the clerk at the bank- but no hobbies, interests, news, struggles, work, games, self-reflection- none of that. A lot of things don't pass the Bechdel test that have critical acclaim, (there are also some exceptions to the Bechdel Test rule) but it still doesn't change the fact that either 1. The media lacks women to begin with 2. The women were written poorly 3. The women are most likely the weak link. They don't have a broad relationship with the cast because they're attached to a man. They have nothing else going for them so they're usually used as damsels in distress (or even other things) to mess with the male character. And they are often expendable because they have no stake in the story. Because they simply just aren't their own characters

#ask #text post #bechdel test

[mooifyourecows]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...

Sure! (given in no particular order)

1. Daichi from Haikyuu, of course.. I just love everything about him. He's a great captain and he has a big appetite and he's so down to earth and masculine in the best ways, what a man!!! I want a tattoo of him on my body!

2. Pam Poovey from Archer. It's hard to stand out in a show where nearly every character is the single most interesting person in the world but I really do think that Pam takes the cake. She's a real one. She stays true to herself no matter how much everyone else begs her to stop and I RESPECT THAT. Also she's a fat character who isn't limited to being the Fat Character. While her weight does come up, often in insulting jokes or bits, she has so much else to her that it feels like such a small part of her character.

3. Princess Carolyn from Bojack Horseman. Out of all the insanely good character arcs in Bojack Horseman, Princess Carolyn's is my favorite. Usually the hardworking career woman character who wants a baby winds up the most disappointing character for me because she always gives up her career to be a mom but NOT MY GIRL PRINCESS CAROLYN. She said I want to be a badass boss lady AND a mom and I don't need no man to get what I want! And she did that shit. She deserves it.

4. Linda Belcher from Bob's Burgers. I aspire to be like Linda. She's fun, she's extroverted, she is just so excited to live her modest life with a struggling burger business, a husband she actually enjoys spending time with, and 3 kids she adores with every fiber of her being. She sings and dances at any given opportunity and doesnt let embarrassment faze her. What an icon.

5. Samwise Gamgee from Lord of the Rings. Every time I think of him I wanna cry. He's just so.... perfect.... and wonderful.... He is the sweetest, bravest man to ever exist and NOBODY CAN ARGUE. The original Ride or Die. We all need a Samwise Gamgee in our lives. 🖤

6. Usopp from One Piece. That's my boy! He's so funny and relatable. I love characters who are brave while being terrified. Despite his wacky goofy personality, he's complex and insecure but he stands by his guns and isn't afraid to challenge even his best friend/captain to defend what he believes and GOSH what a stand up guy ammiright?

7. Eleanor Shellstrop from The Good Place. I love a disaster of a woman. She's a selfish bisexual with zero shame, what's more to love? I just can't help it. I'm weak for women who are just The Worst ™️.

8. Manny from Swiss Army Man. I mean... He's dead, he teaches us what it means to be alive, and he's played by Daniel Radcliffe. He's basically the perfect character, right? Listen, Swiss Army Man is my all time favorite movie and I want everyone else to like it too. I can't even talk much on it because it's so much better when you watch it yourself. Especially if you love amazing soundtracks, beautiful visuals, and queer revelations.

9. Hal from Malcolm in the Middle. I'm such a sucker for husbands who are obsessed with their wives and men in touch with their emotions and Hal is the epitome of both those things! I watched this show while growing up and I truly think that Bryan Cranston's portrayal of Hal taught me how men are supposed to act, especially in regards to their romantic partners. And now my own partner is basically a less theatrical version of him so it paid off ya know?

10. Judas Iscariot from Jesus Christ Superstar (1973). This is mainly based on performance. Carl Anderson did such an AMAZING job playing Judas that he literally stole the show, imo. Jesus who? You mean Judas's boyfriend? It's not JUST his performance though, the way the character is written is so well done that I feel like Judas is the real main character. Yeah, this is the story about Jesus but he ain't the star, ya dig? He's a basic bitch in comparison to the complexity and emotional turmoil of Judas. Also they're gay and in love, what a tragedy! This is cinema!