#the tags are just me talking about myself so you should go read the free Palestine tag instead lol

[secsicornerwriter]

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Reader

Title: Morning Sex with Ghost

Tags: morning sex, size kink, overstimulation

Words: 700

Warning: English is not my first language. Not beta read. I do not own these characters, only the ones I create. Please, do not repost my work to other sites and don't add your own writing ideas to my post.

Notes: if you liked what you read, I'd very much appreciate a like or a reblog or even better: both. Thank you so much and I hope you enjoy the reading!

If you want to suggest ideas you think I should write about, prompt me one in the ask section. But remember to read my pinned post first: I always update it with new information regarding this blog.

Also, I tend to put myself down a lot regarding my writing, so, as desperate and/or pathetic as it may sound: any words of encouragement or actions (likes, reblogs, nice comments, etc...) would truly mean a lot to me... Thank you in advance! 🖤

You're a nervous sleeper. The type of nervous sleeper that tends to almost fall off the bed every single night you and Simon – on those rare occasions he manages to come back home to you – sleep in the same bed—his bulk occupying more than half of the space on the king sized bed.

So, it's only natural for Simon to lock his big and veiny forearm around your waist and bring your body closer to his until your back is practically plastered on his front. Then, satisfied with the new arrangement and knowing you're finally safe from accidental injuries, he leaves a kiss on your temple or your hair and goes back to sleep.

You never actually wake up during the night when he does this. You never wake up when you know he's right next to you, but, in the morning, when you finally notice what he did to keep you safe, you cutely roll yourself around his tight embrace. After a lot of sweet talk to convince him to loosen up his grip on you – he actually growled into your ear, disappointed – he probably takes pity on you and decides to let you free from his vice-like hold.

So, you start kissing him. Of course.

You kiss him on the cheek first—as if to thank him. And that alone gets you another growl, a pleased one this time, from the big man laying next to you. The sounds he's making are so throaty and primal, that you get surprised every single time you hear them. You can't help but keep kissing his warm and exposed skin; a need to devour him that's just as strong as the heat pooling in your center.

His neck, his huge pecs – you like to bite those, just around the areola – his relaxed but still bulky biceps, his torso. You keep going like this for a couple of minutes, taking your time with each kiss and bite—until you see the peak of a smile at the corner of his lips.

Like the apex predator that he is, in the blink of an eye, he grabs you by the back of your head and pulls you into a real kiss. Morning breath and all. His chipped lips clash with your softer ones. He's devouring you, not letting you catch your breath.

Next thing you know, you're naked, and he's on top of you, slapping his thick, hard cock on your puffy, hot lips and clit. He looks down, where your genitals are touching, and you can clearly hear his throat emit a guttural sound. He nudges his forehead into the space between your neck and shoulder, only to mumble with a low and drowsy voice:

"Already so wet for me in the morning… Sweet."

And then, without any other warning beside his slick tip rubbing into your entrace, he swiftly buries his large member inside of your heat. Your erratic breath is captured by his mouth, and he kisses and fucks you at the same time, keeping a steady and hard rhythm—just the one he knows you like best after not seeing each other for such a long time.

You come louder than usual, without even needing to touch your clit. Once, twice, three times—until you're so tired your eyelids start to lower and then snap open, only to go down a second time. At one point, your arms and thighs aren't able to hold onto his back muscles anymore, and you just… let go: floating into the pleasure, like a free fall. That's how safe you feel with him. He could do anything he wanted to your body, because you know – just like you know that the sky is blue – that he will always take your pleasure into account first and foremost. Because, that's just how he is, how he has always been with you—from day one.

You fall asleep in his arms, again. He's keeping you in his possessive embrace while still fucking you, as if hearing your soft, tired moans and your walls tightening around his cock were his only reason to live another day. As if loving you and your body were his duty.

#simon ghost riley #ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #ghost cod #writers on tumblr #simon riley x you #simon x y/n #x y/n #y/n #fanfiction #mine #do not repost to other sites #do not add your writing ideas #my edit

[disasterhimbo]

I had a very tiresome day and I’m totally worn out but I saw a lot of good Palestine posts that I’ll try to reblog soon and in the meantime, everyone who sees this should go look at the free Palestine tag (and participate in the global strike, do whatever you can to get governments’ attention and force them to stop killing people).

#my post #personal #the tags are just me talking about myself so you should go read the free Palestine tag instead lol #I had to go to the dentist urgently for pain and it was very stressful but at least it’s over now #hopefully I won’t get covid 😅 #I did have energy to call my reps and I’m probably gonna try to do that every day this week #I always do it at least once a week now but maybe if I’m annoying enough they’ll pay attention? #you’d think being a good person and standing up for human rights would be motivation enough but alas #and I’m not buying anything of course #I don’t have a job or school to strike from #I wanna organize events but I am so goddamn tired all the time #especially tonight #I’m about to go to sleep and it’s not yet 9 pm (for context I often stay up until like 5 am)

[prettycottagequeer]

ok maybe I'm a little late to this BUT I'm gonna do a to-do list motivation thingy because I've had the worst two weeks since I started college :)

SO these I should start on asap:

50 I make the snack I really want but I haven't had the motivation to make

100 I clean my dorm. another thing I've been meaning to do for a week

150 I do the presentation about mid-victorian fashion I've been putting off (due Monday)

200 I start memorizing the monologue that was due a week ago (now due Tuesday)

these can wait longer:

300 I spend time outside. It's so nice but I'm getting stuck scrolling because I feel like shit. vicious cycle ect

500 I start setting a better weekend routine (aka getting up before noon)

1k I start working out again. I was doing a routine to get more masc and build muscle and I liked it but life hit me like Crowley driving the Bentley and I've missed like 3 weeks

2k I buy my first binder. I've been coping with sports bras for almost a year now and I haven't been able to justify spending $50+ on a binder even though I know I'd love it and use it everyday.

Do I tag people? I don't know but I'm going to. @the-globe-theatre-maggot @weirdly-specific-but-ok @howmanyholesinswisscheese

here's just some context if you want to read, feel free to skip. some of this I've talked about in the maggot server, some I haven't, but I really just need a place for this to go that's out of my head. tw homophobia, transphobia, car crash(??)

How I Have Been Run Over By The Bentley Going 90 In Central London What Feels Like 50 Times In The Last Two Weeks

I'm going to college about 4 hours away from my parents, and it's been really nice. They.. suck, to say the least. transphobic/homophobic ect, super traditional conservative catholic, racist, all of it. so i tried to move somewhere where I wouldn't have to think about them and I could be myself and do what I can to be happy. March 1st was the start of my spring break, which meant going home because the dorms close. I was already not excited, but I was prepared. the problem with being away from home is I forget just how bad they are. My optimism gets the better of me and I think maybe this time they'll be better. so I decided to not hide my septum piercing.

that was a mistake. it starts a whole fight where they say we know you're trans, you're actually a girl and you always will be, we have the bones argument, they think I'm being influenced by demons or something (if only they knew about crowley) because I want to change my name, and they tell me that going on t will completely ruin my body and give me cancer and other things. They're also mad about my dyed hair, septum, and general style, and say I'm setting a terrible example for my (5) younger siblings and make it a point to tell me just how much of a disappointment I am. I think I'm pretty cute and fun but y'know, whatever. very fun time. I lie so much, don't give them any more details about my identity, and say I'm not planning to go on t to save my ass. which is all on instinct which makes me feel worse because if I'm really trans I should be able to stand up for that, right? maybe I'm faking the dysphoria.

the next morning I wake up really sick, and spend the rest of the week sick and feeling like shit because I'm home and back in the same place and situation I was a year ago that I thought I escaped. at one point I pretty much lose my voice but also kind of get gender euphoria from it. it's weird.

On Friday it's time for me to drive back 4 hours to school, and I make it about 3/4 of the way when google maps takes me on a random gravel road and I crash my car, really crash my car, like sideways-in-a-ditch-windows-broken-crawling-up-out-the-door crash it in the middle of nowhere. (I was fully paying attention to the road, it was raining and super slick) I call my parents because I have no one else to call and I sit in a Subway for 3 hours while they drive to get my car. when they get there they're (understandably) really mad, and they tell me that I'm not mature enough to be going to school so far away and I need to get my shit together and stop depending on them. which. is probably true. but made me feel even more stupid about the fact that I crashed my car. I get back to school and I'm still Very Sick with no energy or motivation to do anything. So I've spent the last week trying to get better and honestly to do anything. it hasn't really worked. I'm a lot better health-wise (Not emotionally), still sick but I have a lot of work due, so I really need a push to get started

[luvmmarner]

PROMPTS OF ALL PROMPTS

I would definitely make intense smut prompts later! For now I hope you enjoy these fluff angst prompts instead! Requests are always opened!

For others that want to use these prompts! You're free to do so! Just tag me no need to credit. I would love to read it and see what you came up with! -- FLUFF PROMPTS 

“Can you hug me”

“My teammates gets annoyed because I talk about you 24/7”

“Can we have a date night tonight?”

“Do you know you're pretty” 

“Why are you being a pain?” 

“Stop simping for me you simp” 

“Your blushing you idiot” 

“Are you kidding me? I love cuddles” 

“Your hair smells good.” 

“I just want to lay here all day” 

“Can you wash my hair for me?” 

“I really need you right now”

“I like you.. well no… I love you” 

“I love your smile” 

“You sent me inappropriate pictures. When I was out in public” 

“Why are you so clingy?” 

“Fine. We can stay home tonight” 

“Dance with me in the rain” 

“Let’s jump in the puddles!” 

“Can I sit on your lap?” 

“Kiss me please!” 

“Can you rub my arm in circles?” 

“I’m wearing your shirt if that’s fine!” 

“This still smells like you” (long distant or for breakups) 

“Your mom gave me pictures of you when you were a baby.” 

“Stop you’re making me blush in public” 

“Don’t… I’m ticklish —“ 

“I can’t sleep can I stay here”

“I had a nightmare…”

“I care about you”

“You mean everything to me”

“You make me feel like I’m at home every time”

“Can I give you a hug? You look like you need one”

“Stop denying it! You need sleep”

“You’re so adorable.”

“You make me so happy.”

“I need pads”

“I don’t ever want to lose you”

“I feel better now that you’re here with me”

“It’s like we are meant to be”

“I’m not going anywhere”

“I feel safe when I’m with you”

“I can’t reach the top shelf.. Can you help?”

“Here take my jacket.”

“I just started my period…”

 “I’m right here baby, it’s okay”

“I’m so in love with you.”

“I’m never leaving you.”

“You're mine forever.”

“Should we make it official?”

BEACH PROMPTS

“Can you do my sunscreen?” 

“Why is your massages better than you scratching my back” 

“Please come in the water” 

“Stop it’s cold!” 

“I'm going to splash you!” 

“My sandcastle is better than yours” 

“I won!”

“Don’t throw me in the water!!!”

“I’m trying to tan”

“Stand in front of me you block the sun”

“Can you give me a piggyback”

“The sand is hot” 

“Come with me on the floatie!”

“Can you set up the umbrella?”

WINTER PROMPTS

“it’s snowing!” 

“We are locked in…”

“Let’s look at the stars through the window”

“Can we bake gingerbread cookies”

“You got frosting on your face”

“It’s so cold..”

“I love hot coco.”

“Look! I caught a snowflake in my mouth!”

“You got snow in your hair!”

“My snowman is better!”

“Whoever gets to the bottom of the hill first wins!”

“It’s freezing, could you turn on the heat?”

“Snowball fight!!!”

“I got snow in my boots, now my feet are cold.”

“Dw! I’ll warm you up!”

“Let’s build a fort!”

“This is the perfect time to set up the Christmas tree!”

“Ooh! I love sledding!”

“Woo! That was sooo fun!”

“Here! I made this one just for you!”

“You have such good decorating skills!”

SUMMER/CAMPING PROMPTS

“It’s so hot!”

“Can I borrow your hat please?”

“May you buy me a slushie? I forgot my wallet”

“The mosquitoes are killing me”

“Here let me spray you”

“Let’s go on a hike!”

“The sun is so bright.”

“Did you forget the sunscreen.”

“Baby, can you get my backside please?”

“I want to go swimming.”

“Can we just stay inside!”

“This is the perfect spot to set up our campsite.”

“I got the marshmallows!”

“I’ll help you set up the tent. But.. I don’t know how.”

“I’m already tired.”

“Let's roast marshmallows!”

“I made a smore just for you!”

“We can share.”

“Come swimming with me!”

“The water is sooo warm.”

“I rented a boat. You know how to drive it right..?”

“Don’t worry, of course I got the beer.”

“I love summer parties.”

“No… I didn’t steal your towel… Ok fine I did”

“Put me down – Ok ok fine fine! You win.”

“Can we go on a road trip?”

“You pushed me into the water, you jerk!”

“I couldn’t help myself… All the ice-cream flavours looked so good!”

“I didn’t buy any more ice cream.. The receipts are lies!!!!”

“Can we stay longer!!”

ANGST/ARGUMENT/BREAKUP PROMPTS

“You promised me.”

“You lied. You said you would never leave me.”

“Don’t lie to me. I know everything”

“Please don’t do this.”

“I loved you.”

“Why don’t you trust me”

“This can’t be goodbye.”

“Please don’t walk out.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“I don’t love you.”

“We were never meant to be.”

“I just wanted to be enough for you.”

“I don’t forgive you.”

“Stop saying sorry! It’s always ‘I’m sorry’. When you really aren’t”

“If you’re sorry, why did you leave me?”

“You thought I was dumb.”

“I know you’re lying.”

“Why did I fall in love with you.”

“I’m so stupid to think we had something.”

“You never cared about me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop being selfish.”

“I moved on.”

“You cheated on me.”

“This isn’t working…”

“No. We can’t… we are too toxic for each other.”

“Why me..”

“Us? There was never an ‘us’.”

“I’m done.”

“It’s better if we just stop seeing each other.”

“I can’t love you.”

“You broke my heart so carelessly. Now you want forgiveness?”

“You don’t deserve me.”

“Leave me alone.”

“Your always mad at me.”

“What do you want? Because I could care less.”

“I was such a fool.”

“You talked to her and then lied about it.”

“You told people that you were single…”

“I thought you loved me..”

“How could you…”

“That’s not going to happen. I already told you.”

“What's wrong with you seriously?”

“You lost me”

“Where’s your new gf/bf?”

“Shouldn’t you be with your new gf/bf”

“I thought things were going amazing”

“I thought wrong…”

“This is goodbye.”

“Don’t you love me?”

“I can’t live without you.’

“What did you expect me to say?”

“Our relationship is in the past. I’m sorry.”

“I like someone else.”

“This will be the last time you lie to me.”

“How did you think this wouldn’t hurt me?”

“I think it’s best if we don’t meet again.”

“You didn’t love me, did you?”

“I hope you're happier.”

“At least you got what you wanted”

“I was miserable and I still loved you.”

“Stop pretending. You wanted me like this… You wanted me broken and you got what you wanted.”

“We can’t keep talking. This isn’t healthy.”

“It’s best if we stop talking… like forever.”

“You're not the same person I fell in love with.”

“You don’t own me.”

“You act like everything is fine when it’s not!”

“Can we not argue for once.”

“Not now. Not even in a million years. I would ever think to give you another chance.”

“I fell for your lies again, and now I’m not anymore.”

“I was nothing to you. I was only a toy for you to manipulate and I fell for it.”

“Why wouldn’t you admit to everything! This was all your fault.”

“I hate you.”

“I despise you.”

“You were my ride or die.”

“I don’t fall in love. I don’t want to be loved or love someone else.”

“If I leave you know you would never see me again.”

“I deserve better.”

“You were my first and would be my last.”

“Don’t – Don’t make me fall in love again.”

“You know we can’t..”

“I know this is random and we haven’t talked in awhile.. But can you stay with me one more night and just forget about everything.”

“It was indeed. The wrong place the wrong time”

“Good for you!”

“Why can’t you be happy for me for once?”

“We shouldn’t be together anymore. I’m supposed to hate you.”

“How could I be so oblivious..”

“Why did I even think I could be enough for you.”

“I needed to hold you once more.”

“I don’t understand.. Wha- what are you saying..”

“I don’t want to say something I’ll regret later.”

“Don’t bother to call me when you need something later.”

“I didn’t mean to. I was just mad..”

“Please forgive me.”

“Why are you suddenly coming back into my life after I just started to do good.”

“Do you not understand the words ‘I’m done’.”

“Haha! You think I love you? That’s pathetic.”

FICS/STORY IDEAS

Here’s some storyline ideas. You can decide if you want it angst or fluff or whatever! I don’t mind if you take this ideas. You don’t need to credit just a tag, so I could read it! Would be great!

All the promises were already broken. 

Just one more night with no feelings, nothing. After that we forget.

Reader finds out their relationship was nothing, but a lie.

He wanted her back. She moved on. 

Even after breaking up. They still find ways back to each other.

He manipulated her and she fell for it.

They are toxic for each other. But always end up in bed with each other.

He wanted her back but she isn’t giving him another chance.

He left her and she still wanted him back.

They were never meant to be and they knew that. They just can’t let each other go.

She just wanted to be enough for him, but he didn’t care.

He cheated and she found out. Now he realized he can’t live without her.

He didn’t deserve her. But her love for him is stronger.

They thought they had something. But then decided it was best if they stopped seeing each other.

She always forgave him, but this time she didn’t.

How could you be in love with someone who is always mad at you. She knew it was best if she just left. But after everything they've been through it wasn’t going to be easy.

She couldn’t love him as much as she wanted to. It was forbidden to sleep with someone you worked for. But she couldn’t help but ignore the rule.

He was such a fool for letting her into his life. But maybe it was the best thing to happen to him.

They broke up, but they can’t live without each other.

Their relationship was fragments of the past, but deep down their love was still stronger than ever. What happens when they meet again?

She thought things were going amazing. Well she thought wrong.

He got what he wanted and he was happy. Meanwhile she was still broken and miserable.

Their relationship was amazing at the start. But over time the person that she fell in love with wasn’t the same.

After years of talking. They decided it was best if they stopped. Maybe it actually didn’t stop in the end.

He didn’t listen and thought everything was fine. She knew everything wasn’t fine and just wanted him to listen.

She despised him. He was arrogant and only cared about himself. That was until he gave her a ride home.

She didn’t want to fall in love with him again until his touch made her do the one thing she didn’t want to do ‘fall in love again’.

They stopped talking, but he called her wanting just one more night to forget about everything.

No denying they loved each other. But this was their third breakup. It was just best if she left for good.

He was her first love and would be her last. (either she could meet someone else or something!)

He didn't care about any girls and most importantly. He didn’t fall in love. That was until he saw her and his whole life changed.

She knew he was pretending and she wasn’t falling for it.

After years of dating they finally said the 3 words. ‘I love you’

Maybe being snowed in wasn’t so bad after all.

He didn’t seem to understand the words ‘I’m done.’ If they were done, why was she in his bed again.

After years of apologizing. Apology accepted.

After she said don’t ‘bother calling when you need something’. Turns out it was her in the end calling for something.

Maybe jealousy is something that can reunite the flame that was lost.

He was jealous and she didn’t care.

She didn’t trust him. Until one night when drinks got the best of her, and waking up on his couch realized how wrong she was.

She thought he didn’t love her. Until he showed her how much he did.

He didn’t understand that she was breaking up with him. She wanted so badly to say no. But her desires got the best of her.

#prompt list #prompt fluff #fluff prompts #angst prompt #angst prompts #writing prompts #prompts #angst #fluff #winter prompts #beach prompts #summer prompts #camping prompts #fun prompts #writing #prompt idea #prompt ideas #smut ideas #smut prompts

[russellsppttemplates]

Not anymore (Lando Norris)

Lando's determined to make you see where you belong

Note: english is not my first language. I hope this is still enjoyable to read as I really challenged myself with these pieces! I'm not sure how good this is (or how much you will want to kill me)! This is part 2 of We don't fit together ! Edit: I used a line from dumplingsjinson (they're the best 🫶✨️)

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: mentions reader's insecurities about herself and about her relationship with Lando, curse words, bloodwork

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog @hiireadstuff @c-losur3

Part 1

The past couple of days were strange. Lando still sent you his usual good morning and good night texts he would send whenever you didn't spend the night together, and you replied. Still, because of your schedule and his schedule, the text for the dreaded conversation came through only this morning

From Lan

Needed to get my bloods done and then Jon also needed a physical assessment so this morning was a rush, but I'm free for the rest of the day if you want to talk, lovie

To Lan

I'll be home for the whole day, you can come here whenever it's best for you!

Tidying the place up a bit, the thoughts on your head kept the same train of ideas. You didn't fit his lifestyle, and the constant doubts you felt were certainly not the way you wanted to go about your life.

There was a knock on the door when you were fluffing the pillows and you walked up to open it, see Lando with somewhat dark circles under his eyes and a bunch of your favourite flowers, "Come in", you said softly as you both headed to the living room, sitting down since you didn't know what else to do.

"Thank you for texting, there was this part of me that didn't believe you would", you admitted. This was the time to be honest, still remaining polite and aware of the words leaving your mouth.

"Of course I did, Y/N, I want us to talk this out, I want us out of this rough patch", Lando pleaded softly, "I'm so sorry for not noticing you were feeling like this", he offered, cutting through the silence when you seemed to not know what to say to kick-start the conversation.

"It's not your fault, Lando", you spoke the truth, "you have been on my mind every conscious second, every thought is about this and I- I really don't know how we will do this, how we will do that", you pointed to him in allusion to the goal he had, "I'm sorry".

Lando gulped, rubbing his hands on his thighs before speakingup, "I did too, and I want you to know I just want you to be happy, fuck, there's nothing I want more in life than to see you happy, and right now it pains me that I am the one that's making you hurt", he let his heart out.

"It's not only your fault", you whispered again, this time looking at him. Your insecurities were just that - your own - and you were responsible from how certain triggers made you feel and react, "I have to be the one to know how to deal with these".

"And I want to help you, lovie, you don't have to do this all alone all the time", Lando offered, "I want us to work and this is a conjoined effort - you shouldn't be doing that alone".

Silence filled the room as the gears turned in your head before you looked up again, seeing the broken look on Lando's face, "Do you think we should take a break? Spend some time away from eachother?", you voiced.

Lando didn't expect the option you suggested. Spending time further apart didn't seem like the right thing to do when you were obviously feeling like you didn't fit in and belong in his life, "are you sure that's the way to go? We'll do what you feel the most comfortable and happy with, but I don't want you to feel like I want you away or that you have to keep away from me - I want you with me for as much time as you can give me".

"It's silly, I know - I've never done this before, I don't know what to do", you shrugged your shoulders. Usually, by the time any insecurities shone through, your past partners had already left.

Lando sighed, "If that is what you think is going to help I'm all in, Y/N. I'll do anything to prove to you that I'm serious about this, but I'm giving up on us, I'm going to fight for you", Lando stated as tears started forming in his eyes, keeping them at bay because this wasn't the end. It couldn't be.

"I'm going to show you just how much you belong with me and how well we fit together, okay?", he checked with you, seeing a small nod, the uncertainty behind it only fueling him to put all his efforts into it.

.

"I wanted to do something we haven't done in a while", Lando said over the phone as he packed the tupperwares into the basket.

"Yes? And what would that be?", you asked. Lando kept a respectful distance but he made sure that everyday that you didn't spend together, you knew he was thinking about you and doing all these little things to remind you of how much he loved you and how you were meant to be together.

"I'm not going to tell you because it's a surprise, but I need to warn you to bring comfortable shoes, and as much as I love your little dresses, anything without a skirt would be better", you heard him smile.

"Okay, anywhere I should go to?", you wondered, "I'll pick you up in about thirty minutes if that's okay?", he quesioned, getting a positive answer from you, "see you soon, beautiful girl, I love you!".

Lando finished packing the picnic basket, getting the napkins and the drinks from the fridge so he could go to his bedroom and get ready.

He planned a fun afternoon, starting with a cycle around the city before finishing with a picnic in the park as he knew it was one of your favourite things. He had come up with many of your favourite plans to do together lately and he was feeling good about it. There was nothing he wanted more than to show you that you fit together and that both of your lives could compliment eachother if you both made adjustments. He was going out less than he used to and favouring to spend that time with you, he made sure you knew he was there and that he wasn't planning on leaving.

Finding a t-shirt and some jeans, he got two buckets hats from the new Quadrant Spring collection they would be launching soon and got ready to leave the apartment.

The drive to your wasn't long, but he never knew with the after lunch traffic, finding a good spot for his car and seeing you already at the entrance of the building, checking the street before crossing it, "hey, Lan", you smiled as you got inside the vehicle, kissing his cheek softly as he drove out of the spot once you had your seatbelt on, "hey, baby, how has your day been?".

"It's good, better now that I'm getting out of the house with some very nice company", you smiled.

The park wasn't too far, and when Lando parked near the rental city bikes with a smirk on his face, you knew what he wanted to do for the afternoon, "we're cycling?", you beamed.

"Yes! I also have some snacks here for a picnic later", Lando got the basket from the cartrunk, carrying it to the bike and making sure it was safely attached to it, scanning the code for his bike and then yours.

"Wait", he said as you were making sure the seat was at the right height, cycling around the area. Fishing out the bucket hat from the basket, he shook it a little so it would have a nice shape before putting it on your head, kissing your lips softly as he looked at you, "these are new and I needed my prettiest model to try them on first", he charmed as you blushed, "plus, I don't want the sun to blind you or burn you".

You cycled around your favourite spots in town, Lando occasionally taking pictures of the city and you with his camera and waving at the odd person who noticed and recognised it was him and you on the bikes, before you returned to the park, deciding to cycle to your favourite spot by the old big trees, blossoming from the spring sun.

"Thank you for this", you mumbled as you wiped your lips free of crumbs from the cake you had.

"Y/N, I won't stop fighting for us when we have something worth fighting for", he smiled, pulling you to lay on the blanket with him and holding your hands between your bodies, "I also got this really cool invite for the new exhibition at the museum - that one you wanted to see - and you want to know why it is so cool? Because we get the exhibition all to ourselves, no one else is going to be there which means you can take as long as you want and I can admire you all to myself and all I want too", he kissed your cheek.

"Sounds like a nice plan, thank you", you kissed his jaw.

.

You scanned your paddock pass as walked in the directions you were giving, not wanting to mess up the schedule and the lined up events everyone had.

They had been experimenting with new events to promote motorsport, adding parties and sunset events to the race weekend on order to gather all of the sponsors, famous people and fans who were interested in seeing the behind the scenes of a luxurious and extravagant race weekend.

"Everyone who still doesn't have a bracelet can come through here, please", one of the women in black suits called as you stood in that line, waiting for you turn.

"Here you go, enjoy the party!", she smiled, letting you go through and carrying on with her tasks.

The section involving the paddock, pitlane and the starting grid decorated with lights over bars serving drinks while staff went around with trays with small canapés.

You supposed this did work or they wouldn't try it out, after all it was an expensive sport and the more investors and sponsors they got, the better, so every little interaction and publicity was welcomed. You recognised a lot for the faces from Instagram and other social media platforms, along with some of the sponsors you had spent races sitting next to in the garage.

The face you wanted to see the most was nowhere in sight as you saw Oscar and Zak in the distance, talking to someone you recognised being one of their sponsors.

When you stepped closer to the area where most drivers seemed to be hanging out, you spotted Lando and he spotted you.

It had been nearly a year since you called it quits. It wasn't working for you and no matter how much Lando tried and fought for your relationship, you still didn't feel comfortable and thought you'd be better without eachother. It wasn't easy and to this day it would probably be one of your biggest regrets.

Maybe today you'd get to ease that heavy feeling in your chest.

Lando knew a lot of people would be there tonight, but your face wasn't one he expected. Last thing he heard about you was that you had made a small career switch and started working with another company, so he figured you were probably invited through one of the people with deep pockets wanting to invest in motorsport, knowing how it always looks nice on the company to invite employees to these fixtures.

As he saw his father and Max walk up to where you were, he walked in your direction, hoping to divert them so they wouldn't see you, another person pulled him with him to the side for a photo and it became impossible for him to not notice you and the other way around.

“It’s been… It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?”, you spoke up when you locked eyes and stood close enough to eachother.

"Yes, it has", Lando stated, "how have you been?", he wondered.

"I've been okay, and I see you have been doing well too - the car looks great this year", you congratulated, "I've been meaning to text you because I wanted to talk", you tried.

It took you some time to work on your insecurities, to learn to feel uncomfortable in some situations and get yourself out of them, and now you felt ready to begin again, feeling comfortable in your own skin.

"What did you want to tell me? You can tell me here", he stated coldly.

To say you broke his heart would be an understatement.

Despite all of his efforts, stopping DJ'ing, being conscious of who he hung out with, making sure he spent as much time with you as he could, you still raised concerns about how you were like oil and water.

Not made to be together.

"This really isn't the best place", you looked around as he pulled you inside the McLaren garage that was just on the side, exchanging a look with the security guard that was making sure no one broke in without permission.

"Is it good here now?", he offered.

"It will have to do", you smiled, "I'm sorry things didn't work out before - I wasn't in a good place and things weren't working out the way I'd like", you offered, "and I feel better now".

"Let me stop you right there before this gets out of hand and I hurt you, because I have never wanted that and I don't want it now", Lando said sternly, catching you off guard, "making peace with the fact that we weren't going to work out together was one of the hardest things I've done - I was miserable, didn't enjoy racing or anything that I was doing because I didn't have you by my side - you left me when I needed you", he poured his heart out.

He didn't shout and he didn't yell, but every word stung. Both from how true they were and how he had hurt because of you.

"I'm sorry, Lando, I wasn't trying to diminish how you felt then", you clarified.

"I know you didn't, but this isn't how it works, fuck", he rubbed his temple, "You don’t get to just waltz back into my life and think that I’d be okay with it - I waited so long for you, and I wanted to wait longer if you had let me, but now I can't do that, not anymore", he stated firmly.

"Are you saying we don't have another chance?", you asked as your bottom lip wobbled, "I promise I'll be more open about how I feel, and second guessing wo-".

“You were it at one point, you know?”, Lando shook his head as he looked at his feet before looking up back at you, "my parents, Max, Carlos - everyone agreed with me when I said you were my endgame", he offered.

There had been a time where he wished for this. For you to come to him and tell him you wanted him back and how it had all been a mistake. Now that he was hearing it, he realised he didn't want it, not anymore.

#lando norris imagine #lando norris x reader #lando norris fic #lando norris fanfic #lando norris angst #lando norris x you #f1 imagine #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #f1 x reader

[kiwisbell]

kiwi's fic recs -> volume two!

volume one

hi, lovelies!! i wanted to use this post to shoutout all of the amazing fics i read over the months of november/december - it's been a tough couple months and therefore i wasn't able to read nearly as much as i wanted to, but in any case, these writers deserve all of the admiration and respect for sharing their talents with us. FOR FREE. y'all are fucking incredible

as always, if i list a series i've read recently, i'll be linking the series masterlist for easy access, and most of these fics are 18+ (mdni). please check each fic for individual tags and warnings; not everything is for everyone. so let's go!!

JOEL MILLER

I wanna show you off by @joelscurls -> let me tell you right now: jess is gonna do it every single time -> agora hills babyyyy! -> reader unleashes a monster in joel fr fr

Checkmate by @mandoisapunk -> call more men hunks!!!! i'm a huge advocate for the word hunk!!

Juniper by @softlyspector -> "if you believe it... i will too" and i died!!! sated by @softlyspector -> this is another of my favourite series because it's simply fucking stunning -> as i once said, "every single thing about this fic is like injecting the nectar of the gods straight into my veins"

Fuck Me Like You Mean It by @joelmillers-whore -> the dirty talk in this one made me lose a tooth i swear to fuck -> sleazy!dbf!joel

Meet Me in the Back by @atticrissfinch -> one of my fave fucking series for the pure sleaziness, dirty talk, filth, humour, etc. etc. etc. it's perfection and i love it okay

i found the door by @tinycozycomfort -> copying my comments from my reblog because nothing does this fic justice -> i literally have no jokes left this is genuinely some of the most stirring and beautiful writing i have EVER seen

just a taste by @covetyou -> so cuck!joel nearly destroyed me

honeysuckle by @5oh5 -> tick inspection turned smutty please enjoy from Eden by @5oh5 -> liv is such a stunning, evocative writer and this series has been a remarkable feat; it feels like a warm hug i never want to leave and i haven't even finished it yet

what happens after by @hellishjoel -> such a fun and fresh idea for a story AND done so beautifully!!!

Can't Help Myself by @fettuccin-e -> i've said it before and i'll say it again: queen of corrupted!joel -> joel is down so bad oh my god yes pls

daddy next door by @cavillscurls -> perfection perfection perfection -> mya i'm in love with you (real) -> the depth, the dynamics, the tension, the soft!joel, i'm fucking emo Movement by @cavillscurls -> chapter three of mafia!joel AKA me constantly screaming at mya over how much these two mean to me and why they're perfect for each other and also why meg should be my wife (i can cook meg pls)

autumn air by @swiftispunk -> YSD IS BACK AND WE RIDE AT DAWN -> stellar writing and overall an absolute treat to devour and everything i loved so much about ysd coming back full force good to me by @swiftispunk -> perhaps, dare i say, the hottest smut i've ever seen from hannah's fingertips and maybe the cause for my early death??? snowflakes, a fireplace, and you by @swiftispunk -> perfection in 13k words; i showed up expecting brilliance, got brilliance, and then left crying as an extra lil treat

Evermore by @netherfeildren -> i don't think i'll ever not be blown away by vic's writing but my god, this is incredible -> daddy!joel fucks his way through thanksgiving

Tangled Triumphs by @planet-marz1 -> ridiculously sweet and soft and lovely to read overall, my heart feels whole again

pretty little wife by @beardedjoel -> one of my all-time FAVE joel series -> so sexy and sweet and joel pls let me be your housewife

You like that? by @chloeangelic -> stepcest returns with a vengeance and this time joel gets a dickin

so much wine by @tieronecrush -> sam i'm in your walls for the angst in this fic but jesus you write it so well i can't even be mad and i'm MAD about that -> a beautiful exploration of joel's grief and his living loved ones being forced to cope with the fallout; stunning stunning stunning secret santa by @tieronecrush -> sam i'm in your walls again except this time it's because i need to be locked up for my reactions during this fic -> dbf!joel gets randy during christmas holy fuck

distracted by @psychedelic-ink -> to quote my rb: woodshop teacher mr. miller do you need a dog?? i can bark

baby, it's cold outside by @thetriumphantpanda -> friends to lovers with jackson!joel AND delicious smut that made my eyes melt yup

you're a mean one, mr. miller by @cupofjoel -> this made my heart grow three sizes -> heartwarming, sad, and hopeful all at once, and stunningly written because it's bea, you already know!!

christmas after all by @mrsmando -> mimi gave joel what he deserved and that is happiness and love and healing -> mimi never misses. now repeat it after me!

frosting by @joelsgreys -> vee's daddy dom!joel has bewitched me heart, mind, and pussy -> the dirty talk made me keel over, leaning tower of pisa style

these boots were made for riding by @pedgito -> um boot riding??? the dirty talk?? how can i say no?? holy fuck

FRANKIE MORALES

just married by @ilovepedro -> HUSBAND!FRANKIE -> he stays superior

flying high by @amanitacowboy -> stoner!husband!frankie everybody -> sweet AND filthy AND nefarious devoted husband activities

thinking about.....sub!frankie and bondage (drabble) by @swiftispunk -> jesus fucking take the wheel -> sub!frankie is hannah's motherfucking wheelhouse

object of my affection by @mrsmando -> ding ding!! you hear that?? it's time to sing mimi's praises -> bbf!frankie -> mimi is a master at conveying a narrative in short periods of time and it's always stunning sweet treat: part one & part two by @mrsmando -> these fics altered my brain chemistry, no lie -> frankie being so sweet and so soft and the two of them navigating a relationship together made my heart explode -> also: plus size!reader!! fuck yes!

vis-à-vis by @hier--soir -> yeah it's horny jail for me -> neighbour!frankie doesn't need to keep it in his pants, he needs to keep it in mine

new year's day by @hellishjoel -> frankie's filthy mouth is so special to me

JAVI P

give in to temptation by @joelscurls -> jess's writing is buttery smooth and so enthralling i literally can't help but fall in love -> infidelity but it's hot when it's javi (you're right jess and you should say it)

this mind of mine by @northernbluess -> born from the prompt: "i need to be punished" except it's el punishing me by wielding this prompt like a sword and stabbing me repeatedly

when i'm feeling alone, you remind me of home by @joelsgreys -> vee made me cry with this one i can't lie to y'all -> this was so tender and sweet and soooo fucking perfectly javier, this was an absolute blast to read

EZRA

devour (the entire universe) by @frannyzooey -> you're just going to have to read my reblog for this one because i think my entire brain just lifted out the top of my skull and floated away

MARCUS MORENO

The Dinner by @frannyzooey -> this one was a reread bc kelli never leaves my brain -> daddy kink and marcus yes please and thank you very much -> read this AGES ago on ao3 and was never the same again frankly!

again, i didn't read nearly as much as i wanted to in these past few months, but i really hope there's a fic for you in this list! all of these writers deserve so much love for what they do, so please feel free to check them out.

xoxo kiwi

#kiwisbell's recs #fic recs #joel miller #javier peña #frankie morales #marcus moreno #ezra prospect

[thefallennightmare]

Just Pretend-eleven

Parings: Noah Sebastian x Musician! Reader

Warnings/Tropes: language, angst, fluff, smut, star-crossed lovers, right person/wrong time, cheating, talks of mental abuse.

Summary: “I can wait for years, heaven knows I’m not getting over you.” A story about two star-crossed lovers, that always find their way back because their souls are entwined. The universe desperately attempts to bring them together, no matter what the cost.

Authors Note: for this one, no theories or what ifs. it's all from our owns personal experience which makes it cathartic for us and maybe some of you. MUST LISTEN TO EILEY BY TOO CLOSE TO TOUCH! DURING THIS ENTIRE CHAPTER, OVER AND OVER AGAIN. HEADS UP: there will be talks of suicidal thoughts throughout this chapter so please please please, read with caution.

Collaborating With: @thescarlettvvitch(better give her all the love as well)

Tags: @thescarlettvvitch @ozwriterchick @waake-meee-up @notingridslurkaccount @niicoleleigh @sammyjoeee @xxrainstorm @dominuslunae @notmaddihealy @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @iknownothingpeople @writethrough @thebadchic @blackveilomens Claudia on Tumblr @tobe-written @blacksoul-27 @loeytuan98 @loverofagoodbeard @comfortcharactercraze @lma1986 @plutonikchaos1 @spicywhenspeaking @lyschko666 @somewhere-diamond @hi-fancy-seeing-you-here @koskeepsake

READER

My feet took me almost in autopilot mode to the end of the hallway where the door urged me forward while my heart kept screaming at me to turn around; go back. The tears that gathered in my eyes were blinding me and I could barley see as I pushed through the door, quickly ascending the staircase. So many questions filled my brain and nearly knocked me on my ass, I had to grasp at the railing. I gasped for breath, my lungs being crushed by the weight of leaving him. His broken eyes begging me to come back, not to leave. But my own issues kept me from following my heart.

Why did I leave? Why did I fucking leave? Why couldn’t I just talk? Why did I leave him like that?

Those usually bright eyes filled with so much darkness and sadness, it made me stumble over my feet as I neared the door that led out to the roof of the hotel. The wind brushed around me in rapid waves as I came to a sudden halt in the middle of the roof. Even though it was four in the morning, the hustle and bustle of the city noise carried all the way up here.

Why was I so worried about a future I wasn’t even sure I was going to have?

My mind was clouded with images of Noah and how I left him I didn’t realize I was standing at the edge of the roof until my foot slipped. I cursed while steading myself on my feet and stared down at the passing cars. If I was being honest, I wish I didn’t save myself from falling.

As I stood at the ledge, memories of Noah and I played in a loop in my brain as the weight on my chest caved in. Two hearts that beat in sync but they could never be.

When he first stepped off the bus, taking all the breath out of my lungs.

The day at the zoo where he bought me the stuffed wolf; the one Trey tossed out of the bus in his rage.

Our afternoon at the beach where we had a heart to heart conversation, one of many, and it made me realize Noah was someone I could trust. He made me feel so free and alive that day; like the crow.

When he analyzed my lyrics that first night of tour in the green room and how passionate he looked.

A choked sob crawled out of my throat when the memory of the night we lost Keaton slammed into me. Then his funeral and how broken Noah was that entire day. I thought I lost him into the darkness that was grief but no, quite the opposite happened. My lips tingled as I remebered our first kiss, the one we shared that night.

I should have known how fucked I would be for Noah Sebastian from that moment.

“Fuck!” I screamed while falling to my knees, sobs plowing through my entire body.

My chest finally caved in, bones crushing into dust, as that negative voice that buried itself so deep within years ago continued to chastise me for my decision.

You’re a fucking idiot.

How could you leave him like that?

He begged you to come back. He wanted you to stay until the morning.

Did you expect him to be okay with never having a family?

What man doesn’t want a future like that?

I told you he wouldn’t want to stick by all that bullshit.

“Stop it!” I smacked my palms onto my forehead repeatedly to quiet the voices.

It didn’t work; they only got louder and more persistent.

I tried to tell you, babe. Being with him only leads to heartbreak.

“Just get out! Get out of my head! I beg, please, just get out! Get out of my head before I cave in!” I screamed, now digging my palms into my eyes.

I was absolutely exhausted and unbelievably unhappy. I hated myself and was so angry for what I did. Noah and I were so happy and to see him smile that grin, the corners of his eyes crinkling made my heart burn in my throat. The tattoos that covered his toned stomach with slight pudge in the center. Soft skin and a comfortable smell I wanted to be buried in.

A mochi. My mochi.

No, not yours. You walked away.

I ruined it. I possibly, could have, most definitely destroyed the best thing that could have happened to me, besides this band. My hands shook, my body, my knees were weak. I should have stopped by my hotel room to bring some alcohol with me on this venture up here but knew if Chase or Malcolm saw me, they’d want to know what happened.

Shit.

Everyone had to know by now what happened, I’m sure they do.

Oh god, what did I do? To hurt Noah was like walking on broken glass. I never wanted to hurt him.

But you did, you bitch, you did!

“Oh Keaton,” I sobbed on my knees. “I ruined everything. You knew him better than me, what would he have done if I told him the truth and stayed!?”

Besides Chase and Malcolm, Keaton knew about my secrets only because he was there when the pain was unbearable. He helped me through it. So now, in this desperate time of need and confusion, I called out to the one person who couldn’t give me an answer.

CHASE

“Fuck, what do you think happened?” Malcolm wondered while tossing on a sweater.

I quickly stepped into a pair of sweatpants then ran a hand over my buzzed head. “I don’t know. But whatever it was, fucked both of them up.”

His hands shook as he tried to type something out on his phone and knowing Malcolm better than anyone, I knew he was seconds away from his own panic attack.

“Steven,” he wiggled his phone. “He’s wondering if there’s anything they can do to help find her?”

“No,” I said a little too quickly. “Tell them to take care of Noah; we’ll take care of Y/N.”

She was our responsibility; we made that promise to her father years ago when he came to visit. He couldn’t watch after her so he entrusted us to. We failed with Trey; we let him burry his claws so deep into her and now we’re afraid that whatever happened with Noah we wouldn’t be able to get her back.

Malcolm realized that too because his hands shook and breathing became uneven.

“Hey,” I said softly while covering his hands with my own. “We’ll find her, we always do.”

“I know,” he swallowed. “I’m just-worried. She told me earlier that she was going by Noah’s room to hang out. I didn’t think-.”

I cupped his cheek and pressed a tender kiss to his lips. “Why don’t you stay here in case, she comes back. I think I know where she might be.”

Malcolm eased into my touch, emerald eyes glowing from the moonlight casting in through the window, and if it was any other moment, I’d tell him I love him.

He knew already, but I still liked to remind him.

“I love you,” he breathed a long deep breath.

With a final kiss, I muttered I loved him back against his lips, before pocketing my phone and slipping out of the room. I didn’t bother checking throughout the hotel for her. There’s only one place she’d be.

The roof.

Y/N’s always had this fascination with behind higher than others. She wanted to feel like one of the Gods on Mount Olympus. But I didn’t doubt right now, she felt smaller than a peasant in past Athens.

The door to the roof was open, cold winds blowing down the fire escape stairs as I reached the top, eyes immediately landing on a figure curled up with their knees to their chest, sobs being drowned out by the noise from down below in the streets.

Panic set deep within my stomach as I neared her. “Y/N?”

At first my voice was quiet, so I said her name again, this time deeper; louder as I kneeled in front of her. “Y/N!”

Her eyes struggled to open due to how swollen they were from her crying, mascara running down her cheeks and staining her face.

“Sweets,” I sighed with slumped shoulders.

“Chase?” My name came out raw, a clear sign that her voice had gone horse; from what, I wasn’t sure.

“What are you doing up here?” I questioned while taking off my sweater and wrapping it around her shoulders.

She was only wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Her lips were blue from the cold of the predawn air and she shivered as I rubbed my hands up and down her arms.

“Oh, gods. What did we do?” Y/N cried while falling into my chest.

For a moment, I didn’t move her although I knew I needed to get her inside to warm up, but I decided another minute wouldn’t hurt. She needed that extra minute to let out all of her pent-up feelings and doubt. Something happened in that room between her and Noah tonight and I didn’t care how long it took, she would tell us what happened.

I hushed her cries with a soothing hand to her back, cradling her, until the cries lessened and her body went limp against me; she must have dozed off again. So lifting her into my arms, I carried her back down the stairs towards our floor and as I turned the corner, our room only two doors down, I stopped mid-step when my eyes landed on Steven and Matt.

Anger filled me for the briefest of moments but I tried to let it go. None of knew what happened so it wouldn’t be right for me to get upset with either of them. They weren’t in the room with Noah and Y/N.

“She okay?” Matt asked.

I nodded. “Found her up on the roof. She’s fucking freezing and I don’t know how long she was up there for.”

Steven sighed while running a hand over his tired face. “I’m glad she’s alright; given the circumstances. We’ll let the others know.”

Not bothering to say anything else, I stepped between the two of them so they could get a good look at how broken Y/N was; blue lips, puffy eyes, and face stained with makeup and tears. Noah wasn’t the only one hurting, she was too.

When I knocked on the hotel room door, I could physically see the relief fall away from Malcolm’s shoulders as he opened the door, letting me step inside.

“Get the blankets,” I motioned towards the bed.

He pulled them away so I could lay Y/N gently into the bed, both of us covering her with the mounds of blankets; and a few from the closet. As I stepped away to let her sleep, cold fingers wrapped tightly around my wrist.

“Chase.”

My name came out broken on her chattering lips and I laid a gentle hand on her face. “Get some rest, sweets. We can talk in the morning.”

She shook her head. “No, I n-nee-need-.”

Malcolm sat on the edge of the bed next to her while I stood behind him. “What do you need?”

“No-Noah,” Y/N forced out through the chills her body continued to attack her with.

“Y/N,” I sighed. “He’s not in a good place right now.”

Her eyes glimmered with tears before they fell from her eyes in groves. “It’s all my fault.”

Malcolm tensed under my touch on his shoulder. “What happened?”

Y/N remained silent as she stared up at the ceiling for a few long beats then she turned over in bed so she could face towards us, clutching the pillow closer to her chest.

Now I kneeled down in front of her so I could look directly into her eyes. “You need to tell us what happened.”

Malcolm wiped away her tears as she let out an unsteady breath. “I asked him a stupid fucking question.”

“What did you ask Noah?”

There was a slight hesitation in her words. “Where he wanted to be in 10 years.”

Malcolm and I shared a look with each other, not sure how that simple question could cause this much damage between them. Y/N could read us like a book, from start to end, so she immediately knew what we were thinking.

“Noah said one day, he wants a family, a dog and cats and a little wooden house,” she explained flatly.

Then it all clicked into place, the puzzle of the night with that simple word; family.

That subject always had been a sore subject with Y/N so we never brought it up. We knew how hard she had to work for things, especially that, so it was understandable why she freaked out the way she did.

“Sweets, it’s alright,” I cooed while brushing the hair away from her face. “He didn’t know.”

Malcolm agreed with a nod while rubbing her back. “I’m sure if you talk to him about it, Noah will understand.”

Suddenly, she was pushing away from us and stumbling out of the bed, both of us watching her pace with worry in our eyes.

“You guys don’t understand the pain. You don’t know how he looked!” Y/N pounded her chest. “It’s like a huge hole has been punched through my chest. This pain is the reminder, he is real.”

“Y/N,” I cautioned while rising to my feet and slowly walked over to her. “Everything will be alright.”

She jerked her hand away from me. “No, it won't! I did what I always do, Chase! I panicked and ran away. I so badly wanted to stay. Fuck, you guys should have seen his face when he asked me to stay- the crinkles, the cheeks, so sweet I just- I can’t believe I did this. I’m so damaged, guys, so damaged.”

I stood there frozen, unsure how to console Y/N because we’d never seen her like this; so broken. Tears fell from her eyes as her chest caved in with each deep, stuttering breath. As Malcolm pulled her into his arms, I took out my phone and typed out a message to Nicholas.

I know what happened.

MALCOLM

“Are you sure you two will be alright?” I asked while adjusting the bag on my shoulder.

Chase nodded while wrapping a protective arm around Y/N’s shoulder; she hasn’t slept since he brought her back into the room just a few hours ago. She was running on fumes, we all were, but I knew the long day she had ahead of her. She needed every ounce of energy she could find.

“We’re mostly going to pick up Salem,” Chase said.

Fuck, the cat.

I cringed at the mention of Y/N’s cat; soul as dark as its fur.

“I swear that cat fucking hates me,” I grumbled while leaning closer into Chase.

He chuckled while leaning up to kiss me, since I was a few inches taller than him. “I would say thats not true but we all know it is.”

Y/N let out a soft chuckle. “I’ll do my best to make sure he stays out of your guys’ room.”

I had to admit; it was really good to hear her laugh, even if it was a quiet one.

“You sure you don’t want me to come with you?” I asked.

Her face flinched with my words but she quickly recovered. “Yeah, we’ll be fine.”

“Last call for flight 3E for Los Angeles. Now boarding.”

The three of us glanced over towards the group of people that were sitting in the same lounge we were. Nicholas was sitting next to Noah, who refused to lift his gaze from the chip nail polish on his fingers. Jolly was talking with Folio and when he felt us staring, Nicholas gave a curt nod to Chase.

Without Y/N noticing, he pulled out his phone to send a text to Nicholas. After we told him we knew what happened, we promised we would tell him everything; about Y/N, her condition, and why she left.

“Do you?” I asked Y/N, nodding towards Bad Omens.

She shook her head, not daring to look any of them in the eye. “I can’t.”

“Okay,” I smiled weakly. “Call me when you guys land, I want to make sure everything goes smoothly.”

Chase and I shared a kiss before I pulled Y/N into my chest, her arms wrapping around me.

“Thank you,” she muttered into my shirt.

It was hard for me to show affection but for her; I found it easier.

I placed a kiss on top of her head. “Anytime, buttercup.”

With a final wave towards the two people that mean everything to me, I turned my back and fell into line with the large group of others that were flying back to Los Angeles. I stood a few spaces behind Noah, who could barley lift his head up, the weight of what happened last night pressing down on his shoulders. Guilt ate away at my insides knowing that I could fix it but it wasn’t my place too. The part of me that needed to fix the bad with something good was overpowering. Any time something got too tense or awkward, I was always there to smooth it over with my humor; but this wasn’t one of those times.

“Hey.”

Turning on my heels, I gave a small smile towards Jolly. “What’s up, man?”

“You’re not going to Vegas?”

We both took a step forward as the line moved slowly. “No, I’m heading back to LA to get our new place set up.”

“Right,” Jolly nodded. “You’re only a few miles from us now.”

“Yea.”

Silence fell between us and I shifted on my feet, my anxiety about this whole situation suddenly becoming too overbearing. I felt as if my lungs were being crushed from the inside out. Knowing that someone I loved was hurting because of a choice they made killed me. I wanted to fix things. I needed to fix this. It’s what I’d done all my life as the middle child. I was there to fix my younger brothers smile when our dad hit him a little too hard. I was there to fix my mom when my dad took his anger out on her instead. I hated not being able to fix the division that stood between Noah and Y/N.

Breathe, Chase’s voice cooed in my mind. Deep breath in, long breath out.

“They’ll be alright,” Jolly’s voice broke me out of my inducing panic.

We watched Noah’s head lift finally from the ground as the flight for Las Vegas was called. His eyes danced around the room, searching for someone, but it was too late. Y/N and Chase had made it to the other end of the airport, their flight leaving minutes after ours. Defeat and possibly anger radiate off of Noah as he handed his boarding pass to the attendant behind the desk and grumbled his thanks before slipping down the long hallway towards the plane.

“She didn’t mean to break him,” I defended Y/N. “She’s going through something that takes a lot out of her every month. It’s a constant battle between what she wants and what her body needs.”

“I know,” Jolly nodded. “We’re here if any of you guys want to talk.”

I bumped fists with him. “Thanks, man.”

READER

There’s a thousand voices in my head, all saying the same fucking thing, and I hoped they didn’t take a rope around my neck.

Pathetic.

You can’t give him what he wants.

He won’t wait for you. He’ll find it with someone else.

I slammed the pillow over my head to smother the voices away. The darkness that clouded over my room did nothing to help the raging pain that pounded within the confines of my skull. Everything hurt and screamed for release but I did nothing. I’d rather let my body succumb to it than ease it because once the pain was gone, memories of Noah crept back in and I didn’t want to be reminded of what I did.

How beautiful his face looked when he asked me to say until morning.

How broken his face looked when I said no.

And how destroyed his face was when he begged me to come back.

Noah’s face haunted me every single night the last two weeks that I refused to sleep for longer than a few hours because I would eventually wake with a scream, his name echoing off my walls. The guilt of walking away sat heavy on my chest as I sat in bed, scattered pens, papers, and a fully charged laptop at my feet.

Rain pelted hard against the large windows of my bedroom and I sighed, knowing there was another full day of storm's head; figuratively and literally.

Salem’s soft meow broke me from my frozen trace and I picked him up from the floor to set him in my lap. He purred loudly as I scratched his head, letting the softness of his black fur calm my racing heart.

“I know Chase already fed you, stop trying to get second breakfast.”

It had been a few weeks since I moved in with Chase and Malcolm, all of us falling into living together quite fast, until the pandemic hit and forced us inside. I didn’t mind it, being holed up in my room with my writing and Salem, but Chase was going stir crazy. He was the social one out of the three of us, and knowing he couldn’t go out to see friends or even go for a hike was making him bang his head against the wall.

Malcolm, on the other hand, loved staying home. He spent the time writing music on his bass or baking bread. According to Chase, the first few batches weren’t that great, but he didn’t dare tell Malcolm that.

I stayed in my room most of the day, only seeing one of them when they occasionally checked in on me or brought me something to eat; like right now.

A soft knock on my door made me tear my gaze away from the page full of lyrics.

“Hey sweet,” Chase said while leaning against the doorframe. “Are you hungry?”

I shook my head.

Salem jumped off of my lap and scurried towards the light that poured in from the hallway, clearly having enough of the dark somber of my bedroom.

“You have to eat something,” Chase sat at the end of my bed.

I pulled my knees to my chest and rested my chin on them. “I’m not hungry. I’ll come down and eat something for lunch soon.”

“It’s almost six in the evening, Y/N,” he sighed. “You’ve been up here all day.”

Shit, have I?

Glancing to the clock on my nightstand, I realized he was right.

“Oh,” I shrugged. “I’ve been busy.”

Chase pointed to the papers in front of me, a silent way of asking if he could read it so I agreed with a nod.

I wanna feel something. That's not the touch of your breath on my neck. I wanna feel something. That's not the weight of your world in my head. And all the walls are caving in.

“This is really good,” he mused while handing it back to me.

I simply hummed in response, not exactly sure what he wanted me to say.

“Anything else?” I asked after some silence, keeping my eyes trained hard to the rain splashing against the window behind Chase.

His jaw ticked. “You’re killing yourself, Y/N. I hate seeing you like this.”

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. Just call him and explain-.”

My eyes snapped over to Chase. “No, there’s nothing to fucking explain. I walked away from him, I hurt him, Chase. He won’t forgive me.”

“You don’t-.”

“Yes, I do! You don’t see what I see!” I pointed to my head. “Every fucking night his face haunts me. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat because it makes me fucking sick.”

I choked on a sob as tears slipped from my eyes down to the scatter of pages on my bed. My cries drowned out the rain as Chase pulled me down to bed, letting me lay against his chest, the wetness of my mistakes staining his shirt.

Memories of Noah will always fucking haunt me; how devastated he looked as I turned my back to him. I tried to force them away by thinking of anything else but truth was is I didn’t think he was going anywhere, soon. I’ve done some things that I can’t speak and I tried to wash Noah away, but he wouldn’t leave. Although, part of me was almost begging him to keep haunting me just, so I had an excuse to see his face.

I think I’m possessed, that was the only explanation. He put a fever inside me and I’ve been cold since I left him in that room weeks ago.

CHASE

I walked passed Y/N’s door again; she needed to eat. She hasn’t eaten anything since dinner last night and that was a small bowl of cereal. It was nearly two in the afternoon and if she continued at this rate, she’d be a mess of skin and bones. I was supposed to be out with Malcolm but felt as if I should stay back. Something was deep-rooted in my gut that I needed to be home with Y/N today.

My knuckles raised to the wood of her door, ready to knock, but stopped when I heard that song play yet again. Y/N’s had it on repeat every day for the last three days, nothing else coming from her room besides Keaton’s voice.

Fuck, why did she have to torture herself like this?

I sighed, knowing this was going to be a whirlwind, and pressed my ear to the door. Her soft, broken, voice singing. Suddenly the music stopped for a few seconds before Y/N replayed it and got louder.

Who was she talking to?

“How can you say this was all part of your plan, start explaining?”

“I knew you wanted me to meet him! I fucking knew it! Well guess what, Keaton?! I did; I fucking did, and now look! Look what happened!”

Keaton.

I ran a hand over my buzzed head and quickly typed out a message to Malcolm, who was out shopping. Since the ban had been lifted a few days ago, we were planning a small vacation just the two of us in a few weeks and he was buying things we needed.

Well, as long as Y/N was in the right headspace, we would leave her. But with what I was hearing on the other side of the door, I was afraid our vacation would have to get pushed back.

She’s blasting Eiley again. But now she’s talking to Keaton, blaming him for her meeting Noah. I don’t know what else to do, Mal.

What sounded like something falling over and breaking made me press my hear against the door again.

“Left with this hole, six feet of dirt I can’t fill,” Y/N’s raw but powerful voice called out into the air.

My phone buzzed with a text from Malcolm.

We need to talk with Nick. There’s not much else we can do, babe.

I sighed, knowing he was right, and quickly sent a text to Nick to see if he was free sometime next week. I remember him saying in our Hollow Omens group chat he was flying back from Virgina on Friday to see everyone.

Of course, neither Noah nor Y/N would ever respond in the chat, not wanting to risk saying something to each other. Maybe if they did, she wouldn’t be talking to the ghost of her best friend.

“Oh god, it hurts,” she wailed and I could picture her clutching her chest. “Why did I do this? Why did you fucking leave us both like this?”

A loud thud had me taking a step away from the door, thinking she was about to come barreling through but realized she was throwing things against the door and walls of her bedroom.

“I’m no better than you! I fucking left him. He wanted me, all of me, and I fucking left!”

“Oh, sweets,” I let out a shaky breath, hands reaching for the doorknob.

“He was mine, he was mine!”

She was mine; she was mine!

I hesitated opening the door at what I heard. Did she? Did Y/N change the lyrics of the song so it was as if she was saying Noah was hers?

Something fell to the floor, glass shattering, and Y/N’s ear piercing screams dug the knife deeper into my heart and I slammed through the door, it slamming against the wall next to me. All the blood drained from my face at the scene in front of me; Y/N was curled up on the floor crying, a framed photo on the floor smashed to pieces. She was clutching a piece of glass in her hand, droplets of blood falling to the wood floor beneath her.

“Fuck, Y/N!” I cursed while sliding on my knee’s in front of her to snatch the piece of glass from her tight grip, slicing my fingers. “Oh, come on sweets, get up! Don’t-don’t do this.”

Fear of what would have happened if I went out with Malcolm dug their nails into me but I refused to acknowledge the pain. Not right now, I can think of the what if’s later. Righ now, Y/N needed me.

Hollow, sunken, and bloodshot eyes stared up at me through the tears that clouded her vision. “I ruined everything, I ruined everything! His face! You didn’t see it! You don’t know!”

Her ramblings had been the same for a month now, never changing.

“Sweets, hey, it’s okay.” I cupped her face. “You didn’t, you’ll figure this out! You’ll talk to him, he’s not gone for good, Y/N. He’s here, he’s here.”

It killed me holding her; she was in agony. She felt like she ended Noah for good. It was almost as if she confused her feelings of grief and heartbreak into two. Noah was alive, his flesh and blood was still awake, he was numbing but he was there. She needed to remember this; she needed to know the feelings she was suffering through had a chance to get better.

“He’ll never see me the same,” Y/N kicked the broken frame away from us but I could see what picture it held; Noah and her at the zoo while they waited for the wolves to come out of hiding.

Unbeknownst to them at the time, I smacked Bryan’s chest so he could take a few pictures of them.

“Just give it time, just give it time.” I said while holding her, rocking her back and forth.

A little kiss on her head. My sister, my friend.

MALCOLM

“Hey sugar baklava,” I knocked on the door frame to Y/N’s room.

She was sitting at the large bay window, sunshine brushing its bright rays across her pale face and dark floors. It's been a few days since Chase found her with the piece of glass in her hand and ever since then, we made it a rule that she had to keep her door open. We didn’t care if she continued to hide away up here but the door needed to be open. It might have been a teenager rule, but we didn’t want to take any chances. We already knew she was hiding things from us so this was the only way.

“Where’s your head at?” I leaned up against the wall while crossing my arms over my chest.

Y/N chuckled at the nickname but I could see there was no light behind those usual bright eyes. She’d been sitting in that same spot for the last day and a half; hair not washed since I can’t remember when, clothes piled up, notebooks out with a variety of lyrics scribbled on every pages and her laptop always had a full charge due to the plug remaining inside it.

Through the pain, she smiled up at me. “Just the usual, contemplating my fucked life and all its wonders.”

I inhaled deeply while stiffing up straight. “I know what you’re going to say, but you are more than welcome to hang out with us at Applebees later. They have dollarRitas.”

“Thank you, maybe,” she smiled weakly.

“I’m worried about you.” I sighed with concern. “We all are.”

Salem clawed his way out from underneath her bed to stretch wide in the one spot on the floor the sun touched. If it wasn’t for that furry little creature that hated my guts, I don’t want to think of where Y/N would be right now.

“I’ll be fine,” she reassured while holding up a granola bar. “Bring me back some tacos?”

“Deal,” I smiled.

Turning my back to leave, her voice called after me. “Mind feeding Salem on your way out?”

My eyes cast down to my feet as the black cat sat between them, dark green eyes staring deep into my soul.

“Fuck, Y/N. Your cat wants to kill me,” I shivered at the thought.

She chuckled. “As long as you feed him, you’ll live!”

MALCOLM

The noise of the city faded to a dull buzz as I set down my second empty margarita class and pushed away the rest of my lunch. We were sitting on the patio at Applebee’s, the warm Los Angeles air doing nothing to ease the shake in my bones.

“How’s she doing?”

I nodded towards Nick who sat across from Chase and I. “Depends on the day you ask. But after the other day, we’re watching her like a hawk.”

He raised a brow. “What happened?”

Chase and I shared a look before eventually telling Nick about catching her with a piece of glass in her hand.

“You don’t think-?”

“I don’t know what to think, man,” Chase took a long drink of his beer. “I catch her breaking shit then holding a piece of glass in her hand so tight she cuts herself? Thankfully, she didn’t need stitches but if I wasn’t home, who knows what could have happened. She’s playing with her health and I don’t know what to do to help her.”

“What do you mean?” Nick wondered.

I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. “She hasn’t been taking her medication. There’s at least six more pills than there should be. And two extra vials.”

“What about Noah?” Chase asked, suddenly not wanting to change the subject.

He adjusted the sunglasses that was perched on his nose. “His drinking is getting worse. We want to be stoked because he’s written two really great songs but the alcohol dulls the excitement.”

Chase spun the ice in his drink with the straw and sighed. “Y/N has Eiley on blast until 2 am, hunched over in pain and screaming into her pillows. Writing at random. It’s killing me, to watch her like this.”

“Noah’s been playing Sympathy a lot too, while downing the bottle of whiskey and writing. A fuckin mess, man,” Nick leaned back into the chair.

“Can I tell you something?” Chase asked.

“Shoot,” Nick nodded.

“If fucking hurts to hear this but sometimes, when she plays Eiley, so faintly I can hear her singing. There’s a part in the song where Keaton’s broken as he says she was mine-fuck- I hear Y/N sometimes crying and changes the words-.”

Chase paused, trying to find the right was to convey what he was feeling and Nick tilted his head in wonder.

“He’s mine, he was mine. He was mine,” I finished for Chase, knowing he wouldn’t be able to get the words out.

“She regrets it all, Nick.” Chase rested his arms on the table so he could look directly at Nick. “I think-no I know, she loves him. Y/N fell for him so hard, and I don’t think she’ll ever forgive herself for leaving that room.”

“I know,” he sighed. “That’s why I’m on her side for this as well. You told me what she’s going through, it makes sense why she freaked out the way she did.”

I shifted in my seat. “Did you tell Noah?”

“No,” Nick firmly shook his head. “That's something you two or Y/N has to tell him.”

Chase reached for my hand under the table and once our fingers were linked, I gave Nick my best stern gaze. “We have to do something.”

For a long few beats, we were silent, thinking of ways that we could help these two talk again. They weren’t going to do it on their own; the needed help.

“We’ll shoot them both a text,” Nick began. “Same time, telling them to get their heads out of their asses, because let’s be real- they’re stubborn as hell and won’t listen to us directly. They need an outsider to call them both out to wake the hell up.”

“So what? I text Noah while you text Y/N?” Chase wondered.

Nick nodded. “That’s exactly what I’m saying. They need help, they both do, desperately and they need each other. They’re just being ridiculous about it.”

There was a clear hesitation in my expression with Nick's idea. “You know it’s not gonna magically happen over night though right?”

“Of course not, but I have a hunch it’ll work,” Nick assured while throwing some money on the table for his lunch.

“What we need to do is get them to seek help. They have soon many unresolved issues, deep-seeded. They need to get help and get them to at least be friends again. They’re in love with each other. That won’t change, but the circumstances have to.”

READER

The pillows muffled my screams as I clutched my abdomen, the stabbing, sheering pain spreading through my veins like wildfire. Every fiber of my existence was screaming at me to stop the pain, make it all go away, but I ignored it. I needed to feel this; it was the only thing that made me feel anything at all.

Eiley played on a loop through my speakers as I spoke into the air above me.

“Choose me over him, I often wonder why.”

“How can I face him again, Keaton? How? How can I ease the pain, he’s mine. He was mine.”

Rolling over to my other side once the pain stopped for a few moments, I started at the basket on top of my nightstand. 1, 2, 3, 4, bottles, and one syringe. They just stare at me. I counted each bottle, and that syringe repeatedly. A reminder of the work it takes to make myself normal. A reminder of what happens every month like fucking clockwork. A reminder that no man would ever want to stay with me and deal with this alongside me.

“Noah would,” I muttered into the pillow that was stained with my tears.

Yeah? Well you ruined that, sweetie.

I’ve had fans ask me, “how do I keep myself from losing myself entirely?” All I can tell them is that it can’t rain all the time. I hide the pain behind a smile and slip into a parallel universe.

I’m constantly making a series of small holes in a row, mistakes I made in my membrane between here and there until an opening exists. And who can resist an opening?

So do I take the meds? Or do I lay here and rot?

I’ll take them tomorrow. It’s already too late in the day, no need to take them.

It was the same thing I told myself every morning when I would wake up and stare at the medication. The same thing for the last month.

Maybe if I stopped taking them, I would go back to my natural state. I could succumb to the natural order of things, or maybe the pain would be so severe I’d be fine with dying.

Okay.

No. Stop. Stop that!

The voices continued to fight with each other as I dug my palms into my eyes, hoping his haunting face would leave; even for a few seconds.

Maybe I could wait for the dust to settle.

Eiley started playing yet again and I narrowed my eyes up towards the ceiling. “If this is all part of your plan, Keaton then start explaining because this is fucking bullshit. You wanted us together, well fucking give me a sign it’s worth it.”

I stared at those bottles and wondered why any of this mattered when my phone buzzed from underneath my pillow. Groaning, I had every intention of ignoring it, thinking it was the Hollow Omens group chat of Folio saying something he thought was funny; most of the time it was. But today, the pain was so debilitating that I wasn’t in the mood for jokes.

Nicholas: Hi.

I sucked in a breath, not expecting a solo text from him. I wanted to leave him on read because there was no reason for him to be texting me. What’s there to say? He's my friend, but Noah is his brother, why would he care about me at all? I hurt his friend.

But.

That one word weighed heavy on my mind as my shaking fingers typed out two letters back.

Hi

The bubbles popped up and stopped, then popped up again, before proceeding to another text.

I hope you’re alright, Y/N. and doing okay. I hear you moved in with the guys, a great idea and I’m glad you’re settled in.

That message I left on read only because I was hunched over my bed now, dry heaving saliva into the bowl that had a permanent spot next to my bed on the floor. The pain was becoming too much; like an animal with razor like claws were digging through my skin to be set free. My stomach was being ripped to shreds.

It wasn’t until almost an hour later once the pain and my screams of agony finally stopped that I had the courage to look at my phone; the text from Nick smacking me in my face.

Y/N, first I just wanna say this: it isn’t my business to step in or to make assumptions I know everything. I had a talk with Chase and Malcolm, and I understand to a degree what you’re feeling right now. I will admit, I was angry at you; you hurt my friend. Noah isn’t doing well right now, but he’s trying. However, I’m trying to remain mutual about this. I see what you both have; I see what you’re both capable of even if you don’t right now. He needs something; he needs someone stable in his life who can give him the comfort he’s been searching for; I thought that could be you; you acted as if it was. Maybe it still is?

Ten minutes in between this text and the next one.

I would never step in and say something like this to anyone, but because of our current friendship and the situation that’s in front of us, I had to. Because I care about you both. Noah deserves better than what you did; he deserves better than walking out with more questions than answers. But you deserve better than the trauma Trey left you with. My friend’s not perfect but he’s not that fucking guy. All I ask is that you dig deep and see that you can really work through this. Not just alone but together. Don’t be a stranger, Y/N. Please don’t. We miss you.

My eyes blinked a few times at the screen, wondering if what I just read actually was there. Everything Nick said was one hundred percent the truth. Especially the part where Noah deserves better than what I did. But so did I. I also deserved better than what Trey left me with.

I gazed back up towards the ceiling, a small smile pulling at the corners of my lips. “Thanks, Keaton.”

READER

When I was supposed to be awake, I was asleep. When I was supposed to sleep, I was silent. When a pleasure offered itself to me, I avoided it. I wrote that fucking song repeatedly, a better perspective- a perspective of what I wanted to do that night.

I’ll face my fear of the cold nights

When you leave me behind

I felt your hands in my hair

I felt your breath on my neck

Yeah, I need to feel you again

Just wanted to say good night

Our eyes fighting the light

But I’m not ready to say good night oh

I try and hold on tight ‘cause it’s just not time to say good night

To say good night

One song completed last week and another one just needing the finishing touches. It was all falling into place; well, most things. All I wanted was for Noah to call me when he woke up. I wanted to be in his sweet dreams. But almost three days after Nick texted me, my phone remained silent. Nothing, no texts or calls from Noah. Which at the moment was fine because currently, Malcolm and Chase stood at the foot of my bed with their arms crossed over their broad chests, eyes staring daggers into me.

“The syringe?” Chase asked.

I nodded. “This morning.”

“Pills?” Malcolm then questioned.

Playfully rolling my eyes, I filled my palm with the variety of differnt pills and tossed them into my mouth, swallowing them down with the orange juice they’d brought up minutes ago. I even opened my mouth wide to show them I wasn’t hiding them under my tongue.

Malcolm physically relaxed but Chase wasn’t convinced quite yet.

“Did you call?”

I groaned. “Yes, dad. I have an appointment on Tuesday at ten in the morning. Did you want to drive me there too?”

“You bet your ass I am,” he narrowed his eyes before breaking out into a huge smile. “I’m proud of you, sweets.”

“Me too, buttercup,” Malcolm ruffled my hair.

I playfully smacked his hand away before motioning towards the open door of my room. “Feel free to close it on your way out.”

Salem meowed from his perched on the open window and I realized it was nearing five in the evening. “Oh, dinner time.”

I went to stand from the bed but Malcolm playfully pushed me back down.

“I got it. Let’s go, Salem,” he tapped his thigh a few times, my cat quickly following out of the room.

Chase watched with amazement in his eyes as I let out a lighthearted laugh, one that he hadn’t heard in so long, no doubt.

“What?” I asked, grabbing my phone that buzzed on my bed.

He shrugged before walking out. “Nothing, it’s good to hear that laugh again.”

Smiling, I looked down at my phone but nearly dropped it as I read the message over and over again. Chase noticed my face right before he stepped through the doorway and motioned towards my phone.

“Who is it?”

Mochi 🧋🥟: Hi.

My heart hammered against my chest and it felt like I couldn’t breathe, the butterflies in my stomach fluttering wildly with life I thought would never return.

“Shit, shit.” I muttered while showing Chase the message.

“Well fucking answer him, Y/N.”

“I- what do I say?” I asked as my breathing became erratic.

Fuck, it was like I was a teenager texting her crush for the first time.

“Start with a simple hello. Today’s the first day of you getting your life back in order.” Chase left a kiss to the top of my head before leaving me alone to my own choices.

I stared down at the phone, thumbs hovering over the screen, wondering what the fuck I was going to do.

Do I take Chase’s advice and get my life back in order? Or do I remember all the pain and agony, dark nights where I contemplated ending it all?

#noah sebastian #noah sebastian and reader #noah sebastian x reader #noah sebastian reader insert #noah sebastian smut #enemies to lovers #right person wrong time #starcrossed lovers

[angelltheninth]

Helloo!!! Can you do a bestfriends to lovers with sae? I've been having this idea for sometime, and if you don't mind maybe shy!reader? If you don't feel like writting this feel free to ignore the request! I love your work so much 💗💗(sorry any english error, it's not my first language 😅)

Your English is good don't worry.

Pairing: Sae Itoshi x Reader

Tags: fluff, best friends to lovers, protectiveness, kissing, clothes sharing, slightly possessive Sae

A/N: People craving a lot of fluff content from me lately.

Best friend!Sae who sends you short messages through the day. They're usually a sentence or maybe even just a few words but its his way of making sure you're okay. He might be very dismissive of most people but he always makes sure you get home safe after watching one of his games.

"Let me know when you're home. Look, if you're not gonna tell me I can walk you there myself. Because its not a good idea to be walking back at night all on your own, you're so clumsy and shy that even if someone tries something I bet you couldn't say no. What if some scumbag wants to buy you drinks? Exactly, so text me, I want to know you're okay."

Best friend!Sae who hates it when his teammates flirt with you in front of him. They keep telling him to make a move on you. But if he ain't then they sure as hell aren't missing out on a cute lady like yourself. They interpret your shyness as you liking them but Sae knows you just don't know how to turn them down properly so he will do it for you. Not only that he can even pretend to be your boyfriend when you go out to prevent any more incidents.

"I'm your best friend, of course I'll do you this favor. I still stink you need to grow a bit of a spine when it comes to talking to people but until then I guess I can watch your back. Don't give me that look, you're not being a bother, really."

Best friend!Sae who takes his protectiveness too far when he almost gets into a fight with someone over you. If he did that it would damage his career, if not kill it. You couldn't let him do that so you ended up dragging him away from the nightclub and back to his apartment. When you get there he's fucking pissed off, not with himself but with you for stopping him, he should have broken that jerk's face for the things he said about you. It was scary seeing him like that.

"Why did you stop me? He would have deserved what he got. My career? Its not more important then you. This isn't the alcohol talking! Damn it! Don't you get it?! Do I have to spell it out?! Shit, sorry, I... didn't mean to yell at you. I... fuck, forget it."

Best friend!Sae who doesn't contact you for a few days after that, but you know he's reading your texts. A few days after you go to the same nightclub, where you found him, arguing with the same guy. Upon approaching him Sae locked eyes on you and decided better then punching the guy in front of him, he should send a message to everyone in the club by pulling into a kiss so needy, so passionate, so rough that you could hardly believe that it came from your normally calm and collected best friend.

"I should have done that the first time around. Does everyone here get it now? Do you get it? Was that kiss clear enough for you? I've been wanting to do that for a few months. Of course I couldn't just say it, when did you know me to be the romantic type."

#blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #sae itoshi x reader #blue lock imagines #blue lock headcanons #bllk imagines #bllk headcanons #blue lock fluff #bllk fluff #bllk x you #blue lock x you #sae itoshi imagines #sae itoshi headcanons #sae itoshi fluff #sae imagines #sae x reader #x reader #fluff

[poetrysmackdown]

some informal thoughts

hello! hope the holiday season has been kind to all of you. and i hope all my jewish followers had a lovely hanukkah! anyways, since i said a few months ago that i’d pick poetry smackdown back up sometime around this time of year, i thought i should make a post. the gist of it is that i’m still quite busy, i have a break that’s about three weeks shorter than I was planning on, and i don’t currently have the mental bandwidth required to read, contemplate, and sort through poem submissions in a way that does justice to them, even if i were to recruit some friends to help out. since running a tournament format requires at least five weeks of continued engagement once it’s underway, and since i’m not at capacity to offer that right now due to the change in my schedule, i’m gonna have to bow out for now. sad bc i was looking forward to it!

my hope is that i’ll have some more time over the summer to hunker down with it, in which case you’ll be hearing from me. it’ll frankly depend on the kind of job i land in for the summer, but i find that my unemployed spirit can typically keep me doing stupid shit regardless of workload...to a point. i don’t want to make any promises because i don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up just to let them down again LOL. i do admit the amount of exposure the first tournament got has made me feel like more of a perfectionist this time around, doubly because i don’t feel that i’m very suited to being a public online presence (even a relatively quite small one)—i’m bad enough at responding to emails for my own real life responsibilities, let alone tumblr asks for the silly responsibilities i invent for myself lol. that’s not to say i no longer want to do it, or i don’t enjoy it, or even that i don’t feel capable of making a really interesting bracket—just that if i am working to put something new together, and if people are taking the time to submit poems they care about, then i don’t want to half-ass it.

my second admission is something like this. I made the original bracket as a celebration of poetry and our relationships to it. yes it was silly and competitive, and the poems were very tumblr, but still, celebration was the intention—I wanted to have conversations about poetry. I stand by the bracket format as a fun and valuable way to foster conversations about poetry, but truthfully, the poems i’m wanting to have conversations about right now—the poems that we should be talking about right now—are ones that i'm not comfortable putting in a bracket. I reblogged The Baffler’s Poems from Palestine collection on here earlier, and Najwan Darwish’s “Who Remembers The Armenians?”, which I still often find repeating through my head when I'm traveling from one place to another, walking home or riding the bus. I came across this beautiful thread recently where people have been translating Dr. Refaat Alareer’s “If I Must Die” into their own languages (this just makes my translator's heart sing!!!!!!). @havingapoemwithyou has been posting some great poems from and for Palestine as well—check out their tag here.

There's always more to add, and I'll be posting more on here as I come across it, but that's what I feel anyone should be focusing on right now when it comes to poetry. i think poetry can be an escape but it should never be a distraction. does that make sense? i wouldn't be against doing a one-off poll here or there, but it feels weird to be making a tournament for poetry right now, or anytime soon. i feel like what free time i have right now is still best utilized helping my friends with organizing in the real world. and god, a bit off-topic but while I'm talking, fuck poetry foundation—I have so much respect for all the poets keeping up the boycott, because while i think it's a simple decision, it's not always an easy one (Aurielle Lucier discussed that here).

anyways, if you read all of this, thank you for your time!! I could go on and on, but really this was just meant to be a message telling y'all that there won't be another tournament for a while lol. even so i'll be trying to use this small silly platform as best i can until palestine is free because that's the absolute least i can do.

#not a poll #also i'm closing my ask box for now because i know i don't have the bandwidth to answer anything rn. sorry :( #but feel free to reply here with your thoughts and any resources and i'll do my best to respond #or even messages might be fine. something about the ask format just gives me anxiety sometimes lmao #cannot stress this enough i am so so so bad at responding to things #even when i want to or enjoy doing it

[timetravellingkitty]

hi!! I just found out about tumblr having an anti-hindutva tag and I shall be making myself comfortable here! just found your account like a few mins ago and if it’s ok, i wanted to ask some questions (you absolutely don't have to answer if you don't like any of them or even if you don't feel like answering :) ) (edit added, this ask got way too long lol. feel free to skip it! also, you're kinda super cool lol)

I'm Indian, currently outside India, and I've only started learning about the shitshow going on in my 'mahaan bharat' since November (specifically since finding out that we are Irahell's biggest weapons buyer). and the more I find out the more shocked and heartbroken I feel...

like this week i learnt about the immigration ban in US against Chinese women that existed a few decades ago, and the ongoing discrimination against Palestinians in Canadian immigration services... and both the times I was so disgusted and there was this subconscious feeling that India should never be like that. but then an hour ago I learnt about the 2019 CAA and wtf!?

another example being that currently we're seeing israhell's continuous bombing of heritage sites of great cultural and religious significance, that also held so many centuries old records and histories... and learning about how they are bulldozing over graveyards and exhuming them...

and then today I learnt about Akhonji Masjid and Gyanvapi Masjid and of course have known about Babri Masjid for a few weeks now...

and only learnt about Kashmir in november...

and I feel like my whole worldview has shifted from a previous foundation, except it's so drastic and I still don't have a new foundation...

I try to talk to members of my family about this but they're the Indian equivalent of the U.S. liberals, and every single time they'll tell me "whatever news you're hearing is propaganda written by Pakistan/China/U.S./Russia. trust me I have Muslim friends and they're very happy. you just don't know the situation cause you're not in India" and like it sometimes make me think maybe I'm the one losing my mind...

I even read some places about free Punjab and that confused the fuck out of me cause I'm Punjabi (who does not live in Punjab) and I don't have any clue what it's about... I asked my fam, but they just gave me a weird look and told me to stay away from anyone that mentions Khalistan😭💀

(this got way longer than I expected, so sorry) but would you have any recommendations for any blogs/articles/books/podcast resources or any personal recommendations for news publications that are reliable (finding God would probably be easier than finding such publications lmao) like I thought Al-Jazeera is super credible, but then read that they're super credible when it comes to Palestine, not when it's global...

like where tf do I go from here lol

hello nonnie! some news sites I'd recommend are newslaundry (they have a youtube channel too), the wire, scroll.in and newsclick. maktoob media is mostly focused on minority rights in india. hindutvawatch.org is about hindu fascist violence committed against minorities. I still think you should stick to al-jazeera at least when it comes to palestine (they have journalists on the ground there, shireen abu akleh was one of them)

this is a good introduction to anyone wanting to learn about hindutva, this and this are about how india is becoming increasingly unsafe for minorites and is undergoing a democratic backsliding. this and this are about the rss link to nazism

hostile homelands by azad essa is about india's historical relationship with israel and the parallels between hindutva and zionism. the brown history podcast has an episode about how india went from the first non-arab state to recognise palestine to its largest buyer of weapons, featuring azad essa (x). you can also read colonising kashmir by hafsa kanjwal about how india came to militarily occupy kashmir. if you want to learn more about kashmir there are the blogs kashmiraction.org and standwithkashmir (which is um. blocked in india. i wonder why)

i have not read khaki shorts and saffron flags yet but this one is about the history of the rss. i also suggest watching the documentaries ram ke naam and jai bhim, comrade which are about the hindutva revival in the 1980s

for me free punjab is very ?? the indian government is beyond evil as they continue to spy on sikhs abroad (and ofc, how can we forget the 1984 sikh genocide) but i don't think liberation will be achieved through a religious ethnostate. any state formed on the basis of a religion will inevitably turn out to be a disaster. i do encourage you to read lost in history: 1984 reconstructed by gunisha kaur, which is about the humans rights violations committed against sikhs during this time and why operation bluestar was in fact not about freeing sri harmandir sahib from "terrorists." all i can say is to stand with sikhs unapologetically as our shitass government continues to commit more and more human rights violations against them

in general, i'd tell you to observe the language used by different news outlets and question it (eg. american news referring to israelis below the age of 18 as children but the same courtesy is not extended to palestinians) and check their sources. if it's from whatsapp university don't even bother

#i really really hoped this poorly drafted response helps #feel free to ask more qs if you have any! #also omg fellow punjabi HIIIII I'M PUNJABI FROM MY MOM'S SIDE #asks #anon #hindutva

[yuri-is-online]

Same Anon here that dropped that mess of an angst post lol. Maybe I should find some name for myself if this becomes a regular thing.

There are a lot of valid points there. For as lightly as the story treats everything, wow this would be messed up irl. But I digress, I personally can see this potentially taking a much darker route. I don’t know if you’re comfortable talking about this so TW: Brief mention of suicide

I imagine Yuu to just bottle everything up for the aforementioned reasons of being seen as weak for expressing any of their emotions only for it to all come out in one big mental breakdown. I think it would be quite poetic for Yuu’s breakdown to be more of a quiet self-destructive thing just to contrast the showy, outwardly destructive nature of the overblots. I always thought it could be some spur of the moment decision to just end it all out of sheer hopelessness and a thoroughly crushed sense of self-worth. I just can’t see a teenager handling a burden this heavy very well. Whether or not Yuu survives could be up to how dark you want to go.

Also if it isn’t too much, I would like to see that post about the boys’ individual reactions to Yuu running away sometime. But I’m aware you only write for a few at a time so…

previous post

You are more than welcome to give yourself a name! I don't have any named annons so you are free to choose anything you like, and make regular appearances if that is what you wish. While I try to only write for a few characters at a time, I don't mind doing a bullet point type post with my thoughts on the boys reacting to Yuu running away sometime, but I need to think as part of me wants to write something sappy and romantic, while the other part wants to focus more on Yuu and their character. I could do both I suppose (￣ω￣;)

I'm fine with talking about suicide, but since it's a sensitive subject I am going to place my thoughts under read more and tag it so if it is something you, dear reader, are triggered by you needn't see more than you are comfortable with.

notes: they/them used for Yuu, discussions of suicide and depression, isolation, abandonment, and missing persons. This also kind of takes a trip into theory town I am so sorry annon. Please do not interact with the words below if you do not wish to think on such things.

I want to start out by saying that when a person is depressed it is not always obvious, even if they are contemplating suicide. We don't have a complete understanding of what drives someone to kill themselves because we can't ask people who have. I do think there is an element of assuming that either the world or you will be better off if you are dead; which I would like to stress simply is not true, but you are not evil for struggling with that feeling even if people try to make you feel like you are.

Yuu's breakdown being "more of a quiet self-destructive thing," as you stated dear friend, would be extremely poetic. To me it highlights the disparity between Yuu and the overblot boys. They have power and are able to hurt others to try and make themselves feel better, Yuu has next to none and is only able to hurt themselves.

Crowley mentions that there is counseling available to all NRC students, assuming the school follows real life laws we can assume the Professors are mandatory reporters. If Yuu shows signs of depression or self-harm, they will be required to report that and recommend Yuu for counseling, but the thing about therapy is that it's not a one size fits all solution. The patient needs to accept that they have a problem and, perhaps more importantly, trust their therapist otherwise you won't benefit from the treatment.

That's assuming that a counselor would even understand how to treat Yuu in the first place, there's a lot going on with their situation and while I could see a good therapist taking it very seriously, there's only so much they can do, which brings me to my sort of sticking point with this and why it took me so long to answer your ask.

Why in the hell is Yuu in Twisted Wonderland in the first place??? "Because they're Alice" ok sure but what does that like actually mean. I don't want to derail this into theory town but I keep thinking about the translated lines Crowley mutters to himself when calling Yuu a beast tamer that doesn't appear in the text box... something about how they look more like they are meant to be eaten by the beast than tame it.

There is a part of me that feels like Crowley wants Yuu to feel isolated and despondent about their chances of getting home, like he needs them to be accepting of their death and convinced it's the only way they will be useful. Something to do with Grim and that big Chimera at the beginning of the game, in the light novel there is someone telling Yuuya to take their hand but they can't move to take it, all they can do is stare up at the big monster and it's evil grin (if i remember correctly)

Anyway all of that to say I can see two sorts of scenarios leading to Yuu trying to harm themselves.

Route A: Summer

As was correctly pointed out in these tags on the original post, I think Summer would be the worst time for an actively depressed Yuu. If they have been seeing a counselor, they will likely not be available over the summer months, Crowley didn't take us on vacation with him the first time so there's no way he'll do it now, and everyone has their own families to get back to.

They only have Grim and the Ghosts. And while Yuu might love them, they technically belong here. Yuu does not. The lack of other friends bothering them means Yuu has time to think good and hard about where they are. And who they left behind.

I like to listen to Dateline while I work sometimes and one of the things that always gets to me is how little closure people feel when someone goes missing, even if they find out what happened to them. If Yuu is missing in their world and their family loves them... they just have next to no chance of ever finding that out. Ever.

If Yuu has a bad relationship with their family, or none at all, they probably start feeling like they are going insane. They have nothing worth going back to really, to the point that people would probably encourage them to see being in Twisted Wonderland as a good thing, a chance for a fresh start. But it has been anything but.

Summer would be a good time to run away, it's easier to be homeless in the Summer, plenty of places need part time help anyway, and Yuu can make a clean break from the school before anyone notices they're gone.

It's also a good time to decide you want to die. By the time your friends come back they will have already gotten used to life without you anyway.

.... i could see this making grim overblot tbh. He blames the school for taking Yuu from him and by the time everyone returns he is there. Waiting. The consequences of their actions given form.

A monument to all their sins.

Option B: Sacrifice

So back to theory tangent.

Grim and Yuu are one student. Crowley treats them as such, but what if he-

Or whoever the real final boss is

Need them to actually be one student.

So they approach Yuu, offer their sympathies. Tell them they know why Crowley cannot send Yuu home.

"Because you came here by dying, don't you remember? These events you have seen, all your misfortunes and troubles, they've all been like one big dream. What a terrible fate you've met... but no worries. I know how to set you free."

The strange masked man places his hand on your shoulder and guides you to the mirror. You see your reflection in it, for the first time you idly realize, hair spread out on the pavement with a halo of blood spatter about your sleeping head.

"You needn't be scared." the man's voice is calm, soothing even, so much so that you almost believe him when he says

"You've died once before, after all. You know exactly what it feels like, it will just be like going to sleep."

Sleep sounds good, even if you have just gotten done fighting to stay awake, so very good you nearly miss the creature's wicked grin spreading mockingly across the reflection of your peaceful face.

#twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #tw sucidal ideation #tw suicide #sorry i was gone for so long i was obsessing over cows and ufos -_- #i think i worked it out of my system and put posting fic in my goals for this week so time to get back in the saddle

[bteezxyewriter12]

One Good Fuck/ 2

Pairing- Hongjoong x Named Reader

Word count- 6k

Includes- Dom reader, sub Joongie, blow job, deepthroating, teasing, cum eating, face riding, tongue riding, pussy eating, cock riding, choking, orgasm denial, squirting, multiple orgasms, fluff

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxxmine @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa

@yeosxxx @seokwoosmole @jjongsbebe @wisejudgedragonhairdo @meowmeowminnie @woo-stars @borntowalkaway @usagionthered @san-realblkwife @seonghwasstar @jejeyeppeo @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi @prayerofthehaim @realisticnotes @pinkies-things @insomniacatiny @stephy-nicole13

Masterlists- check out for more fics📝Masterlists 📝ATEEZ Masterlist 📝Hongjoong Masterlist

Two months later

Hongjoong POV

"Hey, you free? Wanna hang?", I text her

Now comes the anxious waiting

We're on a practice break and I'm sitting all the way in the corner, trying not to freak out

Last week, when I texted her the same thing she hit me with "I can't I have a date"

And I kinda lost it

Figuratively speaking

It's just, as soon as I read those words insane jealousy came over me

I felt so possessive over her, felt like she's mine but she's not

That confirmed what I already knew and was trying to deny for two months

My feelings for her

The desperate want to touch her

The desperate need to kiss her, hold her, be with her

The love that's more than friendship love

And the utter hurtful realization that she doesn't feel the same way for me because she's going out with someone else

I don't know what to do

Should I tell her how I feel?

Keep it to myself?

Get one of the guys to talk to her?

Talk to one of her friends?

This is new territory for me

I have no problems getting a girl to fuck or date but I've never been in love before

I've never wanted someone like I want her

And I have no idea how to go about things

And there's the, you know, crippling fear of her rejection

I never cared about rejection before

If the girl I hit on didn't want to fuck, it was cool, I'd just find another girl

The girl I wanted to casually date said no?

No problem

But just the thought of her saying the words, "I don't feel the same" makes me feel like I'm going to throw up

Like it'll completely rip my heart out

I just don't know what to do

My phone goes off and I anxiously open her text

"If you mean today then yeah I'm free. But not tomorrow"

Curiously, I send, "Why, what's tomorrow"

And when she answers me back, I wish I hadn't asked

"I have a second date with the guy from last week"

My heart drops to the floor, tears springing in my eyes

Another date

With the same guy

She must like him enough to go out with him again

I lost my shot

If I hadn't been so scared, hadn't let work take over so I could avoid my feelings, she maybe could of been mine

But now I can't say anything

She likes this guy and as hard as it is, I'm not ruining that

I want her to be happy even if I'm not

I text her that something suddenly came up with work and I have to fix some songs

No way I can see her today

I don't trust myself not to be sad and upset

Then she'll ask what's wrong and I'll have to pretend everything is ok

I don't have the energy to do that today

She texts back that she understands and to call her to hang out next time

I send her a thumbs up emoji, then shove my phone in my pocket, dropping my head in my hands

This fucking blows

"Joong"

I look up to San, Seonghwa, Jongho and Mingi looking down at me

"What?"

"We're trying to figure out what to do for food after practice. Are you gonna hang out with Jo?", Seonghwa asks

"No", I answer, then drop my head in my hands again

"Are you ok?", San asks concerned

"Fine"

I so don't want to deal with this right now

"You're not fine", Mingi says, "You look upset. You said you were hanging with Jo today and now you're saying you're not. What happened?"

I don't answer, not wanting to talk about this with anyone and hoping they'd just go away

No such luck

"Hongjoong!", Seonghwa shouts

Lifting my head again, I glare and tell them, "She has another date. With the same guy"

"Tonight?", Jongho questions

I shake my head, "Tomorrow"

"So why is that stopping you from seeing her tonight?", Seonghwa asks

I glare yet again

They know how I feel about her, especially Seonghwa as I talk to him the most

"I can't be around her right now. Not knowing that she's going....out with someone else"

"Oh my god, just fucking tell her Hongjoong!", San exclaims

Easy for him to say

And the whole situation sounds ridiculous too

"Tell her what? That after one time sleeping with her I...", I trail off

"That you love her! Jesus, she's your best friend! She's not gonna bite!", San rolls his eyes

And I get so fucking mad

Didn't he fucking hear me a minute ago?

"She's dating someone else!", I yell, "That is a sure fire way of her not having feelings for me!"

Are they dense?

I just told them she's dating someone else, what aren't they getting?

"She's going on a second date with someone. That's not dating", Jongho points out

"Doesn't matter, she doesn't want me"

"You don't know that!", Seonghwa exclaims, "Go to her apartment now! Tell her how you feel! See what she says. Before you actually lose her to this guy"

"Don't be afraid", Mingi assures me, "You'll regret it if you don't say anything"

I mean I already regret not saying anything to her before she went out with this guy

I had two months to speak up and I blew it

Maybe, I shouldn't blow it again

But I'm scared

"I..I'm scared", I whisper

"There's nothing to be scared of", San reasons, "You two are best friends. The worst case is that she doesn't feel like that but you still won't lose her. She'd never drop you"

"And sometimes you just have to just take the risk to get what you want", Jongho adds

"Just go. You won't be able to finish practice while thinking about this anyway", Seonghwa says

Are they actually kicking me out?

I'm the leader here, how are they telling me what to do?

"Go Joong. Now", Jongho demands, "Before I throw you out of the room"

I raise my eyebrow but I believe Jongho

And he's strong enough to do it

But still, I'm the leader

"Now", he says in a serious tone

When I don't move, he starts coming towards me and I immediately stand up

"Alright! Alright! Jesus", I exclaim, "Fine, I'll go"

"You better. You're Uber is almost here", San says

"What?"

He called me an Uber?

Seriously?

San shows me his phone and it is on the uber app, with a one minute ETA

"But I'm all sweaty"

"Please, like she cares", Seonghwa snorts, "And anyway, girls love that shit"

Mingi and San nod

Whatever

"It's here", San announces

I glare at them one more time then I turn and leave the practice room, heading to the exit and my heart pounding in my chest

🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁

Ringing her doorbell, I wait nervously for her to answer it

God, my hands are so sweaty and I'm actually fucking terrified

I hear the locks turning and I'm ready to run

"Joong?", she says, surprise on her face, "What are you doing here? I thought you said you couldn't hang out today?"

I can't tear my eyes off her and I can't stop myself

Stepping inside her apartment, I kick her door closed, move close to her, my lips against hers

I melt into her as I feel her kiss me back, her hands bunching in my shirt

Fuck this is exactly what I wanted

This feeling, her soft lips against mine

My arms tightly around her

When the kiss ends, she looks at me in confusion

"Don't go on the date tomorrow", I whisper, softly touching her cheek, "Stay with me"

"I...I don't understand Joong", she answers softly, confusion in her gorgeous eyes

It's now or never

"I love you", I tell her, watching even more shock form on her face, "I don't want you to go out with this guy. I want you to be with me"

"Are...are you serious?"

I nod, "So serious. I can't stop thinking about you. After we...you've been the only thing on my mind. I want you. I want to be the one to take you on dates. I want to kiss you, hold your hand, hug you, spend time with you. I want you to want me"

"But you said you're with the makeup artist?"

I shake my head, "I'm not. After we were together I stopped seeing her. I couldn't be with her when you're all I wanted. I ignored her phone calls and when I realized I loved you I ended things with her. I never slept with her after we were together. I didn't kiss her, touch her, not even hold her hand. I didn't see her outside of work and even at work all she did was my makeup. I don't want her or anyone else. You are who I want"

I hold my breath, waiting for her to say something

I confessed everything, there's nothing else I can say

"I do want you Joongie"

I let out my breath as I realize what she said

"Yeah?", I ask, hopeful

She nods, "I love you Joong. I always have. You've always been my dream guy but I figured you didn't see me like that or you would of said something. I..I didn't want to go out with Kwan but I was trying to get over you"

"Don't jagi. Don't get over me. Please baby don't. Be with me, let me love you Jo", I say softly, "I want to love you. So much"

She smiles softly and it fucking knocks the breath out of me

"I want to love you too Joongie. It's all I ever wanted"

I nod, leaning my forehead against hers, "You're mine baby. I'm yours. We can love each other just like we want"

"Ok baby", she agrees, then presses her lips against mine, fireworks exploding in my vision, my entire body heating up

Fuck, I want to feel this way every single time I kiss her

Like the earth fell away and there's nothing but me and her

Somehow, I know I will

With her, I will

I move my tongue in her mouth, hers immediately playing with mine, the kiss turning desperate

Our hands move quickly, shirts pulled off, her bra on the floor

She pushes me against the wall, her lips pressing kisses to my neck, her hands on my body, touching everywhere

Heat and fire flood every inch of me, from her fingers, from her lips

This was what I was craving these last two months

Her touch

Her

Just her

Her kisses spread down, all over my chest, her tongue licking my skin before her lips press against it

I moan, watching her kiss me over and over again, going lower and lower

She moves to her knees, my heart pounding in my chest as her lips kiss my stomach over and over

Her hands so very slowly, undo my belt, the clinking sound of it ringing in my ears

She undoes the button on my jeans, the zipper following, my jeans falling to my ankles

"Off Joongie"

I kick my shoes off, followed by my jeans, doing as she asks

Her hands run up my legs, staying on my hips, her mouth kissing all over my lower stomach

I breathe hard, her kisses feeling amazing, my hand moving in her long hair

One of her hands drop to the tent in my boxers, palming my hard dick

"Fuck", I whisper

Her mouth moves down, her lips now kissing my hard on through my boxers, my cock twitching against her lips

"Mmm, nice and hard for me baby", she murmurs

I nod, so fucking turned on

"All for me?"

"Yes jagi", I whimper

"Good baby", she says softly, continuing to kiss me through my boxers

I whine, wanting to feel her mouth on my bare skin

"You gonna let me suck your cock this time?"

"Yes", I shout, so desperate to feel her lips on my dick

"Good because I like sucking cock. I've been told I'm good at it"

"Show me baby", I whimper, "Please jagi"

"Hmm want to see me suck your cock that much baby?"

"So much jagi", I pant

God, the thought of watching her with my dick in her mouth is making me feral

Her fingers move to the waist band of my boxers, slowly pulling them down

As soon as my cock springs free, she's kissing all over my base, her lips so soft against me

"Oh my god", I moan

My boxers drop to the floor, her kisses dragging along my length, slowly, blissfully

God, I've never had this done before

Never had kisses on my dick, never knew how fucking good it feels

Most girls just go right to sucking but this feels phenomenal

A new experience that I know I have to have from now on when she's gonna blow me

It's non-negotiable

After the kisses, she licks me, her tongue moving from the base of my cock to my head in one long lick

That she repeats over and over, all over my length

"Fuck jagi", I whimper, "Love seeing your tongue on me"

She smiles, licking under my head, her hand wrapping around the rest of my dick

Her tongue slides up, licking along my slit

I'm so hard, so horny, I'm leaking all over the place

She licks the cum off me, swallowing then smirking up at me

"Tastes so good Joongie", she says, continuing to lick which makes me leak even more, "Gonna give me more?"

I nod rapidly

"Gonna cum in my mouth so I can swallow it all?"

"Yes", I whimper, wanting that so much

I feel like if she keeps licking me, I'll definitely cum which is completely mind blowing

She doesn't even have to suck on me, just lick me but God do I want her to suck my cock

Her mouth moves around my head, keeping her tongue on my underside and she sucks once

"Fuck yes", I cry, pleasure filling me hard

Her mouth keeps moving, sucking on me, her hand jerking me off in time to her sucking

Her big eyes are on mine as she blows me, the brown of her iris so pretty, so intense

Every few sucks, she moves down an inch on my cock, the pleasure increasing

"Baby, baby, fuck baby", I whimper, thankful I have the wall behind me to help me stay up

She takes half of me in her mouth, sucking so well, her hand moving up and down my shaft so pleasurably

I'm so close, ready to cum down her throat

"Baby...jagi...", I pant, my hand fisting her hair

And suddenly the pleasure stops

"Baby...what...what happened?", I whine

She smirks, "Can't let you cum so easily baby"

"No jagi", I cry, wanting her mouth back around me

Instead she gives me more kisses along my shaft, moans spilling from my mouth

After a minute, her mouth moves back around my length, sliding down a bit more

She sucks hard, her head bobbing back and forth on my cock, pleasure roaring back

"Oh baby", I moan, holding onto her hair tightly

The sounds she's making as she blows me are so hot

Moans, swallows, so fucking arousing

Her mouth is amazing, she's so right, she's incredible at blow jobs

I'm close again, my eyes closing, my head pressed against the wall

And again, she pulls off my cock right when I'm gonna cum, making me whine and beg

She ignores me, kissing my length again until I'm calm

"Mm baby", she murmurs, "You're cock is so hard"

Yeah because she's teasing me

Her tongue licks my dripping slit, swallowing my cum from there

"Jagi", I whimper

"Aww baby", she teases, "Do you wanna cum that bad?"

I nod, "Yes baby. Please"

"Wanna cum in my mouth that badly?"

"Yes jagi. Fuck, wanna cum down that pretty throat, watch you swallow it all", I moan, "Please baby, suck my cock"

She smirks, nodding

This time, when she gets her mouth around me, she removes her hand and slips down my entire length

"Oh my god", I cry, shocked that she's deepthroating me

She chokes for a few seconds and that sound is music to my ears but I don't want to hurt her

"Jagi", I murmur, trying to pull her head back, but she shakes her head, moving her hands on my hips and pulls me as close as she can, nestling my cock in her tight throat

She swallows, her throat constricting around my cock making unbelievable pleasure shoot through me

Her head slides down to my head, then she bobs back up taking me in hard and rough

"Oh my fucking god!", I cry, as she moves quickly up and down

Tears fall down her gorgeous face, spit all over the place as she gives me the messiest and most pleasurable blow job I've ever had

I don't ever want to be blown any other way than this way and through the bliss I realize that I can have this all the time now

Because she's mine

I watch my cock move in and out of her mouth as I moan so loudly, the pleasure turning my head off

She goes hard on my cock, each bob bringing me right there

"Please baby, let me cum", I plead, "Please don't stop jagi. Please"

She nods, her gorgeous wet brown eyes on me and god she looks so pretty with my cock in her mouth

She slides down my , keeping me in her mouth and sucking rapidly

"Joanne, oh my god, fuck!", I yell, bliss crashing over me as I shoot my cum down her throat

I close my eyes, yelling wordlessly, pulling her hair hard while keeping her on my dick, even though it's not like she's even trying to move off

Instead she's pushing me even more into her mouth as she can, swallowing eagerly, the pleasure from that mixing with the bliss I already feel, making everything so fucking mind blowing

My legs are shaking and I lean against the wall to keep myself up

When it's over, I let go of her hair, my brain a complete mush

I feel her pull me out of her mouth, her tongue licking my slit for more

I feel her move away, her lips pressing kisses on my neck, my arm moving around her waist, keeping her against me as I get it together

Once I'm back to earth, I lift her face to mine, kissing her in a loving kiss

When the kiss ends, she smiles at me, takes my hand and leads me to her room

She maneuvers me in front of the foot of her bed, smirks at me, then pushes me back so I fall on the bed

"Lay back baby", she tells me as she pulls down her PJ shorts, then her lacy barely there panties

I know I just came but fuck, I'm already so hard watching her take her clothes off for me

My girlfriend is so fucking hot

I look at her sexy body that I was missing for so long

My eyes land on the new sternum tattoo she got

It's so beautiful, so delicate and I know I'm going to be spending so much time kissing all over it and tracing all the lines later

She climbs on me, sitting on my lap, her cunt soaking me

Her hips move, grinding along my cock, pleasure humming in my body

I can't believe I'm this hard again, she just turns me on that much

She keeps rubbing her cunt on my dick and I'm getting desperate to be inside her

I crave to have her wrapped around me

I need it and I'm so fucking stiff, I feel myself leaking all over the place

"Please baby", I whine, sitting up on my elbows, "My cock hurts. Wanna be in your sweet pussy"

"Shhh", she growls, shoving me down on her bed, still not putting me inside her, moving and sitting on my stomach instead, "I'll sit on your cock when I'm good and ready"

I shiver, loving how she's taking over again

"And you're gonna be a good boy and do what I tell you or you don't get pussy"

"No! No", I cry, lifting my hips, trying to get some friction, "I'll be good. I promise jagi, I'll be good. Want your pussy baby. Please, I'll be a good boy"

"Cute", she says, tilting her head as she looks down at me, smirking, "You're so pretty begging for my pussy Joongie. Thrusting your hips up even though my cunt is no where near your dick"

"Want you", I moan, my hands gripping her sheets so hard, "Want you so bad. Promise I'll be good. I swear"

"Then show me", she answers, "Stop moving"

It takes so much control for me to lay still on the bed but I do it for her

To show her I can be good for her

She was good for me last time, I can do it too

"Good boy", she smirks, leaning over me, kissing me softly

I eagerly kiss her back, wanting her lips on mine every second of everyday

All too soon for me, she pulls away then gently kisses my cheek

She moves up my body instead of down, her legs around my head, her pussy in my sight

She's already so wet, glistening in her juice and I just want to devour her

I move my eyes to hers, pleading to let me eat her pussy

"Go ahead Joongie"

I don't want any time, my hands around her thighs, pulling her right against my mouth, my tongue buried in her sweet cunt, tongue lapping up all her juice

"Mmmm", I moan, swirling my tongue everywhere I can

"Joongie", she whimpers, her hand slipping in my hair, "Fuck, such a good fucking tongue"

I swallow her cream eagerly, licking between her pretty puffy lips, then circling her tiny hole

I slip my tongue inside as much as I can, wiggling around, her shouts of pleasure so loud

"Keep your tongue there baby", she moans and I do as I'm told

Her hips rise as she slides up my tongue, then goes back down

She bounces on my tongue, clenching down on it, sending bliss straight to my hard cock

I moan in her pussy as she completely soaks my face

"Yes Joongie", she praises, "Fuck, gonna ride your cock just like this"

I nod rapidly, my fingers digging in her hips as she keeps bouncing, her cream running in my mouth, drowning me in her pussy and there's no where else I rather be

After another few bounces, she moves off my tongue

"Keep your tongue out", she orders, pressing her pussy against it

Her hips move, grinding and rocking against my tongue, her fingers pulling my hair hard

I help her move on me, holding her hips and rocking her on my tongue

She's creaming my face so much and I'm trying to swallow as much of it as I can

I'm loving this so much

She's using my tongue to cum and I'm so here for it

Her pussy is so soft against me, tasting so fucking good, the sounds she's making so fucking erotic, her clit throbbing against my tongue

I want to suck on her so bad but I know I have to wait until she tells me too

"Fuck, I love your fucking mouth Joongie", she moans, now rubbing her clit against the tip of my tongue

I'm hoping so much she's gonna tell me to play with her clit

I'm literally drooling for it

"You wanna suck my clit don't you", she asks

I look up at her from between her legs to find her smirking at me

"Your mouth keeps closing around my clit baby, then opening again like you remember I'm just rubbing my cunt on your tongue"

I feel my cheeks blush

I didn't even realize I was doing that

"You wanna suck on me that bad?"

I nod, desperately wanting that

"Ok baby. You can"

I immediately pull her clit in my mouth, sucking on her desperately

I live for how her pretty little swollen clit pulses in my mouth

It's everything

"Yes Joongie. Faster baby. Fuck. I'm gonna cum baby"

Sucking as fast I can, I moan against her, my tongue against her clit, playing while I suck on her

"Hongjoong! Baby, yes baby", she moans as she cums beautifully

I suck her through it, watching her, listening to her cries of my name, so turned on

When she finishes, I ask, "Can I eat jagi? Please?"

"Yes baby"

I immediately move my tongue to her hole, licking up her sweet cream

God, I can eat her cunt every fucking day

And now that she's mine, I can

When I finish, she moves down my body, my cock against her cunt, her lips against mine

As she kisses me, she aligns me to her hole, starting to sit on my cock

Her tongue plays with mine as I grip her hips so hard, wiggling down my cock so slowly, her cunt impaling on my length so pleasurably

I feel her pussy walls open slightly for me, then cling onto me, throbbing and sucking me in

I moan in her mouth, breathing harder and harder as she bottoms me out, her cunt squeezing the life from my cock

"Oh god", I cry, breaking the kiss, "Yes baby. Fuck, oh my god"

She sits up, pleasure on her face as her cunt spasms around me

I'm so antsy, wanting her to move desperately

My cock hurts from being so hard and while her fluttering cunt is helping, it's not enough

"Please, fuck me jagi. Please", I beg, dying for her to bounce on my cock, "I...I was your good boy baby. I'm still your good boy. Fuck me baby. Please, my cock hurts so much jagi. Please, fuck me"

"Aww baby's dick hurts? Why", she teases, her tone mean

And it does nothing but make me more horny

"Bbb...because I'm so hard baby"

"But you're in my pussy. Isn't that what you wanted? I'm clenching on your cock, that isn't that enough?"

I shake my head, "No baby. Mmmm...maybe if I wasn't so horny but I've wanted you for the last two months and now that you're around me....I need you to fuck me. I promise I'll listen to you baby, I'll do whatever you want, just fuck my cock. Please"

"Hmm...dunno what I like better. Dom Joongie or sub Joongie", she smirks, tilting her head, "Sub Joongie begging for my cunt or Dom Joongie demanding it"

"I..I can do both jagi", I tell her

I can be a switch for her

Honestly, I like being dominated by her

I'm usually dominant because I haven't felt comfortable or really trusted the girls I fucked to be submissive to them

But I feel absolutely comfortable with her

I trust her with my life

I know she'd never judge me, never hurt me

I feel completely safe with her

"Hmmm I like that. I can do both too Joongie", she giggles, rocking on my dick, her pussy throbbing wonderfully, "We can play a lot together, baby"

I groan, nodding, "Fuck yes. Play with your pretty pussy jagi. Fuck, as long as I'm inside you, I don't care how we play. I'll do whatever my baby wants"

"Good boy", she says, shivers running up my spine

She leans over me, her hands on my chest as she starts bouncing

Hard and fast

Pleasure explodes in my body, a loud cry leaving my mouth, fingers digging in her hips again

I know I'm gonna leave so many bruises and nail marks on her but I can't help it

It feels so mind blowing good

Her cunt is swallowing my cock so well, creaming my length in so much cream and juice, it's absolutely everywhere, the wet squelching sound of her pussy taking my shaft so fucking beautiful

As is the sight of her riding me

So fucking stunning

Her hips grind against me when she takes me in, my head hitting her spot again and again, her moans so fucking pornographic

She is fucking amazing at riding cock

The pleasure is fucking intense and I'm both shocked and not shocked to feel tears running down my face

I made her cry last time and now she's working my cock so good she's making me cry

"Aww baby, so pretty crying for my pussy", she teases

I nod, hiccuping, "Sss...so good. Mmm..my pretty jagi"

"Yeah baby?", she smirks, "Wanna try something that I like and see if you like it too?"

I nod rapidly, "Yes baby"

I'll try anything once, especially with her

She smiles wider, her hand moving from my chest and wraps around my neck

My cock throbs so hard in her cunt at this once gesture and I'm so fucking excited

"Hmmm I think my baby boy is excited", she giggles, "I feel you're pretty hard cock throbbing in my pussy"

I nod, "Please"

She bounces harder just as her hand squeezes my neck, cutting my air off

My head fills with fluff, my heart pounding the only sound in my head

The feel of her pussy around my cock heightens, the pleasure soaring to an intensity level I've never felt before

She lets go of my neck and I suck in a breath, then sob so much more out of the phenomenal pleasure

She wipes my eyes, asking, "Good baby?"

I nod, not able to say anything at the moment

"Good", she says, bouncing on my cock like no one has every before

It's like she has leg muscles of steel

"My cock feels so good", she whimpers

"Yyy...your cock?", I ask, her eyes flashing at me

"This is my cock", she tells me, her hand choking me again as she speaks

God, its so good

Her pussy is so tight, feeling fucking out of this world to barrel through

"My cock to fuck. My cock to cum on", she continues, "This cock belongs in my pussy only. This cock cums in my cunt only. In my mouth only. Understand?"

"Yes", I shout when she lets go of my neck, my body arching, pushing my cock in as much as I can, "You're cock jagi. It's yours. I'm yours. All yours"

"Damn right", she says, her pussy so close to coming

The way she's tugging on my cock, holding me in a death grip, I'm so excited to feel her cum again

"Cum on my cock", I beg, "Please"

"Begging again baby?"

"Yes", I whimper

"You're lucky your cock is amazing baby. I'm gonna cum really soon"

I nod, waiting anxiously

She moves down, her spot right against my head and she screams my name as she climaxes

Her beautiful body shakes on top of me, her head back, eyes closed, squirt exploding from her cunt, all over my cock, my lap, her bed

"Hongjoong! Oh fuck, god! Hongjoong!"

I take the absolute pleasure that assaults me, screaming her name

"Baby..I'm...I'm..", I cry, so ready to blow my load

"No", she moans loudly, "No Joongie. Don't cum"

Ffffuuucccckkk

I do my best to push it back, whining and sobbing harder as I let her ride out her orgasm on me

When she finishes, she looks down at me, "You cum when I say you can"

I nod, breathing hard, trying to calm down my sobs

"Good boy", she answers, rocking on my dick, rubbing her spot on my head again, "I'm gonna cum on this cock one more time then you can ok?"

I nod, whispering, "Ok"

"Good boy", she says, leaning down and kissing my cheek, "My good Joongie"

She moves her hands back on my leg, grinding on my cock, giving me bounces in-between

I watch her boobs jiggle, sweat dripping down between them, mesmerized at how this gorgeous girl is mine

At how much she wants me, just as much as I want her

At how her pussy easily and eagerly takes my cock, at how ready she is to do anything with me

I'm so fucking lucky

"Hhh.. Hongjoong", she moans, bouncing now, tremors rippling in her perfect skin, "Oh baby, fuck"

She orgasms so beautifully, her cunt clenching my cock in a death grip over and over, pretty cream running from her pussy

Pleasure hurdles over me as I watch her, holding off my orgasm until she tells me I can cum

She rides me through her orgasm, her pussy so fucking tight

When she finishes, she leans over me, her hips still bouncing, her hand wrapped around my neck

"Make a mess in my pussy Joongie", she smirks, her hand cutting off my air as she bounces down hard, feeling her cunt pulse so acutely

I can't hold it, gripping her hips hard as I hold her on me, astounding ecstasy washing over me as I cum deep in her cunt

My body arches and shakes hard, my mind blank, shivers running up and down my back, all senses heightened

My screams of her name break the silence when she lets go of my neck, her amazing pussy throbbing and milking my cock

"Joanne...ngl...so..baby...", I babble as tears of pure pleasure run down my face

"Mmm yeah Joongie", she murmurs, rocking on my dick, "Cock feels so good. Throbbing so much inside me. Nice warm cum filling me up. Love it baby"

I choke out sounds as the pleasure lasts for what seems like hours

I swear I've never come this hard or this good before

Finally when it starts tapering off, I sink into her bed, completely exhausted

I feel her hands wiping my tears, her lips pressing kisses all over my face as she praises me

"Good boy Joongie. You were such a good baby. I love you so much"

"Llll....love...you", I get out, my head still pleasantly empty

She climbs off me and I hear a door open but I can't manage to open my eyes

I can't move

A minute later, I feel a cool wet towel around my lap and dick, realizing she's cleaning me up

Fuck, I should be doing that for her

I want to, it's just a monumental task to even open my eyes

The bed dips next to me, her arms moving me until we're snuggled together, my head laying on her squishy boob

Her arms encircle me, fingers of one hand running in my hair and I'm in such bliss

"I love you Hongjoong", she whispers, pressing a kiss to the top of my hair

"I love you Jo", I manage to get out, slowly moving my arms around her

Her other hand moves to my back, rubbing up and down as she continues to play with my hair

I should be doing this for her

I should be rubbing her legs and thighs

She rode me for over an hour, giving me so much pleasure

I should be holding her, playing with her hair

Last time I didn't take care of her either

She took care of me

I'm already slacking and I need to be better

"Jagi", I say sleepily, moving and trying to sit up but her arms stay locked around me

"Stay baby. Sleep ok?"

"I...I. can't....I should....take care....you", I mumble, fighting to stay awake

"Shh baby. I'm taking care of you now baby"

"But I should...last time...didn't.."

"Doesn't matter Joongie. You need it baby. I love taking care of you baby. I promise", she whispers, pressing kisses to my forehead

"But-"

"It's ok baby", she says softly, reassuringly, her fingers running through the strands of my hair, "I promise. Sleep Joongie. I love you so much"

"I love you....so..much", I answer, halfway asleep

She kisses me again and this time I just give in to the feel of her hand on my back, her fingers in my hair, the feel of being in her arms

The feel of her love surrounding me

And that's how I fall asleep

#hongjoong smut #ateez hongjoong smut #kim hongjoong smut #kim hongjoong fanfic #ateez hongjoong fanfic #hongjoong fanfic #ateez smut #ateez fanfic

[kafus]

ok i've decided i want to infodump about vee and nova a little after all! because uhh not only am i impatient because autism but i also. want to dip my toes into talking about this. just days ago i was still terrified but now i am Tentatively Brave... if i can talk about it here casually like this then i should be able to write a more formal summary later some other time

i've tagged this post appropriately (at least i think i have, feel free to suggest if i should add more) but also a heads up here too before i keep talking that while i'm not going into graphic detail on anything there are STRONG themes of organized sexual abuse of a child, sexual abuse of animals, and grooming! (there are no disturbing visuals in this post, just text)

IF YOU CAN'T READ THIS POST THAT'S OKAY I STILL LOVE U

takes a deep breath alright so the deal with these two. back all the way in 2021, i decided i wanted to make "vent ocs" as in i just wanted some concrete/consistent designs i could use in vent art drawings that weren't a direct reflection of what i envision myself to look like or whatever. i was going through a lot in 2021, in december 2020 i had just gotten my first big repressed memory back and my life was in a whirlwind of change and heavily increased PTSD and DID symptoms, so i was using art a lot as an outlet. in the end i settled on this drawing, based on the design taste i would have had as a young person (god the quality is so old now LOL i've improved a lot but anyway)

i was intending for these two to be just visual designs and nothing more than that but i got attached and actually ended up giving them a whole storyline and everything, which is something i admittedly hadn't done in a long time up to that point so that's cool.

the reason i preface explaining the premise of the storyline with this is because i think it's important to acknowledge that these two are intrinsically tied with my real life and the feelings i experience as a CSA/OA survivor. not because i think someone has to go through awful things to write or draw about them necessarily, but because i am passionate about expressing myself. it's important for me to be seen in some way, to be heard after years of silence. it is not safe for me mentally to share the exact details of my abuse online rn (and please don't ask for them!) but i also don't want these two to be removed from the message that i survived something and this is me making art about that in an abstracted and magical way with a fictional universe that brings me a lot of comfort. i hope this makes sense lol

oh and also with that in mind if you think for even a second any of this is a weird sex thing for me or some shit please stop reading this post and go do something else with your time. this is my trauma expression and i don't need to be compared to the people i was abused by when i was a literal toddler thank you!

AANYWAY so! premise! gonna be point blank with it! vee (not her original name but shh) is born as a normal 100% human girl, aka without the eevee ears and tail. she is groomed from a very young age (like, toddler age) and eventually abducted by her groomers which happen to be members of... well right now it's team rocket because i haven't spent the time to worldbuild a new villainous pokemon organization yet. roll with me here. she is taken to a remote facility out in the middle of fucking nowhere and is never returned to her previous life or family.

Why? well i'm glad you asked! the org is running a bunch of different experiments in this facility and one of them happens to be trying to enable humans reproducing with pokemon. this doubles as both a money thing and a power thing. they seek out a child as the victim of these horrible experiments because children are easily malleable. way easier to control a child than an adult who already has a firm identity/self.

vee is the child they chose. surgery is forcibly done on her to give her working eevee ears and tail, and also like, fuck with her body chemistry and stuff. she's biologically part eevee now. yes this is bullshit pokemon magic science LMAO but she is kept in this facility and chronically sexually abused for a few years by pairing her with various mons and trying to get eggs to happen.

the experiment isn't working though so they hypothesize that giving her a dedicated partner, especially of the same evolutionary line, would help, and they raise nova from birth as an eevee to take on that role. eventually the two of them are paired together. despite the acts they are forced to commit on each other and the abuse they endure, they actually become inseparable very quickly cause like. they don't have anyone else. and also they just genuinely care about each other. additionally at this point nova has evolved into an espeon and has telepathic powers, so him and vee can communicate linguistically with each other, so you know that helps

generally my current focus of this story is in the early years, when vee is 12 and younger, before they start realizing that shit is fucked up and they need to escape (up until that hypothetical point they have been successfully groomed into believing everything happening to them was not abuse/was normal). i have left out a metric fuckton of detail here just to get across the basic premise. i am constantly exploring vee's psyche, nova's psyche, it's like an in depth exploration of the mind of an abused child in horrific circumstances and god it's cathartic. i love these two so fucking much

btw i guess this art has more context now huh haha after i infodumped off the plot to my sister they looked at this art again and was like. OHHH THIS IS EVEN MORE OMINOUS AND HARD TO LOOK AT WITH CONTEXT. AND I WAS LIKE YEAH!!!! YOU SEE THE VISION!!! THE SYMBOLISM!! ETC!!!!

uh yeah if you read this far thank you and i just wanna say i've been building up the courage to talk about these two for GENUINELY two years, it has been over 2 full years since that initial drawing, and i am nervous and jittery posting this but i do not want to die without having shared my work with the world and i'm willing to take the risks to get my voice out there. so you reading it is very much appreciated ur like my first step into being more confident as a survivor lol

oh and fwiw despite these guys being so correlated with my trauma it's not offensive to make headcanons or ask me questions about them or compliment darker art of them however you want, in fact i love that shit!! please i've been holding these guys back for two years i have so much to say that hasn't been said. as much as i am nervous i am EXCITED

#sa tw #mind control tw #csa tw #oa tw #abuse tw #this post is a bit of a mess sorry! #this is why im sort of “drafting” my summary as a stream of consciousness infodump #i need to tackle having the confidence talking about this first #just get it out no matter how messy #and THEN i can clean it up and present it in an artistically pleasing way #kiki was here #kiki.txt #vee & nova

[misspoetree]

So the lovely @haahka and I were talking about Tay and how it's a bit sad that the fandom only ever seems to send him on shopping tours or focus on his fashion (you guys know that I'm obsessed with the KinnPorsche Fashion myself, but it's just a little...unadventurous, you know).

And then I got waaay to deep into headcanons with the equally lovely @tumsa (I'm not even sorry for the spam 😌❤).

Now, there are two things I want to do: first, I'd love to hear more Tay headcanons - feel free to throw them at me (as an ask, in the tags, added to this post, whatever you prefer). Because I'm really curious. 👀

And second, I'm going to share a few of mine:

Tay is way more capable than anyone thinks. (But no one needs to know that.)

People treat Tay like a princess within the show - I mean, he isn't even allowed to help in the kitchen at Porsche's. But I don't think Tay IS a princess. I think it's a protective façade. Because letting oneself be underestimated is a (survival) strategy in a world of money and constant power struggle, and a smart one at that. Yes, Tay is really good at reading people in general, but I also feel like people tend to let their guard down around him. Because he's kind, and understanding, and compassionate - and he seems harmless, a bit spoiled even. His 'softness' puts people at ease, makes them talk, makes them more honest than they probably should be. He's not a threat after all. I bet he knows a lot of things he shouldn't. I bet he's smart enough to use that knowledge (to help other people, to help himself, if needed). And I bet Tay could be fucking dangerous if he ever chose to (and wouldn't that be exciting 👀).

I also like to think that Tay has a strong survival instinct that goes beyond 'pretending to be incapable'. He and Kinn have been friends for ages, their families know each other, he basically grew up surrounded by mafia. He probably witnessed Tankhun's kidnapping back in the day. The horror and trauma of it. Tay's family is rich. He's close to the Theerapanyakuls. To the future head of the family. But he DOESN'T have an army of bodyguards following him around. And the downside of 'being harmless' is looking like an easy victim. Tay is too smart to be unprepared. So in my headcanon he knows how to handle a crisis, knows how to deal with danger, knows how to survive. Knows how to get out of the country quickly, how to get money without leaving a trail, how to get an unregistered gun. How to land a mean punch even though he hates it, how to apply (good) first aid EVEN THOUGH HE HATES IT. (I do think that he really isn't a fan of physical stuff, so the princess image is not completely off. Or, well, he lets it work in his favour.)

Tay's reaction to being hurt, being really hurt, is to shut his emotions down completely.

I don't enjoy how Tay's often written as dramatic and over-emotional in his confrontations with Time after what happened at Hum Bar. He isn't sober when he catches his boyfriend shoving his tongue down another man's throat, and well, his boyfriend is shoving his tongue down another man's throat. So of course he's fucking angry. And emotional. Right then and there. But the thing is, Tay had time to think, time to cool off in those other confrontations. And that's just the way to describe Tay's demeanor then: cool, cold, like ice. I like to think that he just freezes over. Turns into a statue of neutral disinterest. Just imagine: someone like Tay, always so kind and compassionate, staring you down with an expressionless face, not reacting to anything you say, looking close to fucking bored. Imagine what that would do to Time, always so full of himself, always so used to getting reactions out of Tay. Walking straight into a wall of ice. Completely out of his element. Really forced to put the work in for once. And it truly is hard work to break through to Tay once he closes his feelings off from you. A little bit of grovelling might be necessary. (That said, dealing with his emotions like that isn't good for Tay either. Of course not.)

There's...'something' between Tay and Vegas, some kind of understanding

I never got over TAY asking after Vegas in the final episode. Or the way Tay watches Vegas as he passes him during the auction. So I'm having a lot of fun wondering about the 'relationship' between Tay and Vegas, or how potential interactions could have gone down.

I mean, Tay 'belongs' to Kinn. We know that Vegas wants everything that belongs to Kinn (I bet he thinks Kinn must have fucked a pretty boy like that at least once. Even though it's not his usual type. Why else would he stick around?). Tay's caring and understanding. We know how Vegas can react...to something like that. (Not him falling in love after one free therapy session or something like that.) Tay is really good at reading people, he is really good at reading Kinn. And we know Vegas is not so different from Kinn (in some ways), even though he would murder anyone suggesting something like that to his face. Or maybe that's exactly what Tay does. Telling that to his face. As Vegas tries to seduce him, in the earlier days. But Tay doesn't try to wound him with that, to be cruel or mean, it's just an observation, spoken in that calm and understanding tone of his. And a younger Vegas is so shocked by that statement that he just...stops? And stares at Tay who just keeps going with that warm look in his eyes and those observations that hit a little too close to home until he can't take it anymore and turns on his heel to...definitely NOT run away like a dog with his tail between his legs.

Vegas keeps his distance after that. That princess isn't worth the effort, he tells himself. Or maybe he doesn't. Maybe he stops trying to seduce Tay, yes. But they end up talking again. And again. Because Vegas desperately needs to know what Tay meant with those things he said. And there's just... something about their conversations that keeps Vegas coming back. Until (stealing some thoughts from @tumsa here <3) Tay tries to convince Vegas that the competition between him and Kinn is dumb. Vegas does keep his distance, then.

And Tay gives up trying to help, trying to make him see how futile all of this is because it's clear Vegas won't listen to anyone but his father. But he still cares about Vegas, and seeing all the things Vegas does to himself without realising, seeing that ever-growing self-destructive obsession with Kinn sits like a leaden ball in Tay's stomach. The knowledge that he can't do anything to help is a bit like its own form of torture.

Anyways, (stealing again from @tumsa) Tay definitely ends up going to the hospital to visit Vegas. In secret, of course. And seeing Vegas and Pete together, seeing Vegas being changed by love, seeing him try to be a better person for Pete, putting all this effort in to make it work - maybe all of this forces Tay to reflect on his own love life for once. To reflect on the things he wants. The things he deserves, after all.

Nearly everyone had a crush on Tay, one time or another

You guys know the thing we do with Vegas? Like how VegasPete is the holy grail of endgame ships but it's so much fucking fun to ship Vegas with everyone and to imagine all his possible encounters and escapades? Because he's manipulation, seduction and psychological issues stacked on top of each other and wrapped in a velvet shirt?

Well. I like to do the same thing with Tay. For more or less opposite reasons. Because he's understanding and warm and compassionate and smart (and really pretty). In a world full of violence and trauma and repressed emotions, only sharp edges. I mean, who wouldn't crave the warmth, who wouldn't want to bathe in the sunlight for a while? I'm pretty sure people are falling en masse for Tay. And I think Tay doesn't always know how to handle it. Or genuinely doesn't realise what kind of effect he has on those poor bastards for doing nothing more than showing them a bit of kindness. Or maybe he's simply choosing to ignore it because he only has eyes for one person and one person alone.

Anyways, a lot of fun directions to go with this last headcanon for now. (And I'm keeping it intentionally vague and without examples because otherwise, this would turn into a multichapter fanfic I don't have time to write just now. 🤡)

#it's a bad idea to post this when there's so many other things I should be doing #and I have to go back to work tomorrow #but that hasn't stopped me before has it 🤡 #and I had way too much fun writing and thinking about this ngl #(was there infj projection involved in this? maybe. MAYBE IT WAS) #anyways - I'd love to hear and collect some more Tay headcanons <3 #and I leave it to @haahka to share that one headcanon with you that started all of this 😂❤ #kinnporsche the series #kinnporsche headcanon #kinnporsche tay #vegas theerapanyakul #timetay #because the kinnporsche brain rot is still real

[racinginchid3nt]

I’d Probably Still Adore You | Part Eleven

Y/N x Lance Stroll, Y/N Best Friend x Pierre Gasly

In which a night at the club and a game of never have I ever turns into something new

Inspired by 505 - Arctic Monkeys

Warnings: cyber bullying, threats

Previous | Next

————————————————————————

Friday

From the start, Friday was horrible. You woke up hungover, the wine from last night mixed with minimal amount you ate due to Lance’s distraction, was a bad combination.

Replaying the night over and over in your mind just made everything worse. Lance’s reaction, your ruined dress, having to leave the event early, blowing off one of the only other drivers you knew, and the overly aggressive fans and paparazzi.

SHIT. The fans and paparazzi.

All thoughts of your hangover left your mind, tumbling out of bed to find your phone. Opening your Instagram and praying you would luck out failed you. Sure enough you had been tagged in dozens of photos from last night.

Photos of you and Lando leaving the hotel, of the two of you arriving at the venue, of you walking in, of him smiling at you, etc. The comments were brutal, ripping apart your appearance, commenting on your dress, how he deserves better, etc.

It wasn’t until you opened your messages that you realized how much worse it could get. Hundreds of dms stared back at you, filled with vile things. Talking about how you’re a gold digger, threats, truly saying the absolute worse things they could come up with. You wanted to stop, to ignore the things people said, but you couldn’t look away.

A call came through from Y/N Best Friend. Declining it you continued reading. And then another came through, declining it again the cycle repeated. Over and over declining calls from Y/N Best Friend until she finally stopped.

It took only a few minutes before you heard the pounding on your hotel door.

“Y/N let me in!”

Trying to ignore her, you curled in on yourself.

“Y/N if you don’t let me in I’m going to break down this fucking door!”

The banging continued, and inescapable noise reminding you of the hangover. As the door handle started to giggle, you rose from the bed and answered the door.

“What?” You asked, trying to steady your voice.

“Babe are you okay? I saw the comments on your Instagram posts. Those were so uncalled for. How are you doing?” She asked.

“Fine. I don’t know. It is what it is. I should have known better I guess.” You replied.

“How can I help?” She asked.

“Can you just give me some time to myself? Im hungover as fuck and I just want to go back to bed.”

She left you with the promise that she would call and check on you later, threatening that she would show back up at your door if you ignored her.

————

Free practice had gone okay. Lance was happy with car, and the engineers were excited for tomorrow’s qualifying. But his mind kept replaying last night. How she had yelled at him, how he had reacted to seeing her with Norris, what happened during dinner, etc.

He regretted letting her walk away last night, but the last thing he had expected was for her to yell at him like that. He owed her an apology, having overstepped massively last night. Walking through the paddock he made his way to the Alpine energy station. Y/N Best Friend sat outside alone, scrolling through her phone while she ate lunch.

“Hey Y/N Best Friend, where is Y/N at?”

She gave him a funny look.

“She’s at the hotel. Why?”

Unsure of how to explain himself to the girl sitting in front of him, he opted to give her a small nod and turn to head back to the Aston Martin energy station.

Last race she had come to every day, media, free practice, qualifying, and the race. It didn’t sit well with him that she had missed yesterday and today’s events.

————————————————————————

Saturday

Y/N Best Friend had shown up at your door early Saturday morning, refusing to let you skip the days events. She had no idea about what had happened with Lance, and wouldn’t understand if you tried to explain. Putting on a fake smile, you joked with her as you got around for the day, focusing on the fact that you would get to spend time with her.

The day passed by in relative normalcy. Fans had taken photos when the three of you arrived at the track that morning, but you had been able to continue on through security. Lando had made small talk with you on his way to the Mclaren garage, asking if you were feeling better after Thursday night.

You gave Carlos a small wave as you passed by him and the Ferrari garage after Q1. The Spaniard pulled you aside, giving you a friendly hug and making small talk. You did your best to keep the fake smile on your face, ready to return to the hotel room. Carlos paused mid discussion, staring at you for a moment.

“Are you okay Y/N?” He asked, concern filling his voice.

“Yeah I’m fine. Just a little tired, that’s all.”

His facial expression made it clear that he didn’t believe you. Pulling you in for another hug, he stated:

“I know we’re not friends or anything, but if you need anything let me or Lando know okay?”

You gave him a small smile, wishing him luck in Q2 before returning to the Alpine garage.

————

On the way back to the hotel you decided to brave social media again, and just like that the weekend got even worse. Your tagged photo notifications piled in as soon as you opene the Instagram app, but it was no longer just photos from Thursday night with Lando. A series of pictures of you and Carlos from earlier that day stared back at you, photos of your two hugs and him whispering into your ear. They definitely looked flirty, and the speculation from the various captions alluded to as much.

As you scrolled through more of them, it got worse. Looking back at you was a grainy photo of you and Lance from Thursday night. The photo showed him with his hand on your waist, huddled in the corner of the dinning room before dinner that night.

Multiple collages from the weekend contained the photo compared to Lando and Carlos. The previous dating rumors had suddenly turned to discussions of you cheating. You weren’t sure how what was an exciting weekend had suddenly turned so miserable.

You needed to get your mind off of everything. And while there were definitely better ways to do it, the idea of getting drunk and watching sappy movies sounded the most enjoyable way to spend the night.

Pulling on a hoodie and sweats, you tightened the strings from your hood and made your way out of the hotel’s back exit and to a nearby market. Bottle of wine in one hand and your purse in the other, you made the short walk back to the hotel. Reaching the side door you pulled, but the door remained closed. The door was a one way exit, letting you escape the hotel but not sneak back in. You turned, making your way to the main entrance.

Unsurprisingly the sidewalk was crowded with fans and paparazzi alike. Hanging your head down you pushed through the crowd to make your way to the entrance. The crowd was tightly packed, pushing you around as you fought through it. Your hood fell down, revealing your face. Within an instant the crowd noticed. Cameras turned and voices rang out as you clutched the bottle and tried to push through.

“Is that Y/N?”

“It’s Y/N!”

“Are you dating Lando?”

“I can’t believe you cheated on him with Carlos!”

“Whore!”

“Slut!”

The crowd of fans turned angry quickly. Hands reached out for you, pushing and pulling you. You felt a hang grip your hair, yanking your head backwards. Stumbling, you dropped the bottle of wine. Pushing to get through to the doors you felt someone kick you, another person grabbing at your arm. Elbows hit your sides, fans rushing at you from all sides. As you neared the front of the crowd, one of the security guards at the hotels door pulled you over the barriers and usher you into the hotel lobby.

Tears streamed down your face as you ran to the elevator, thanking your lucky stars that the doors opened as soon as you hit the button. Making it back to your room, you collapsed on the hotel room floor. Shaking and sobbing you pulled out your phone, thankful that you had managed to kept your grip on it.

Opening your airline app, you scrolled through flights, finding the soonest departure back to the Barcelona airport. You charged it to your card, ignoring the price as a concern for another day. Haphazardly throwing your clothes and toiletries back into your bag you called an Uber to the side door, escaping into it and making you way to the airport.

As you settled into you seat on the late night flight, you opened every social media app you had and deleted your accounts. And as the announcement came to power off your electronics, you thumbed through your contacts, blocking Lance, Lando, and Carlos, before deleting their numbers, hoping that maybe, just maybe, you could go back to life before Spa.

————————————————————————

A/N:

The first part of the Pierre X Y/N Best Friend story is live here

Please respond to the poll when you get a chance!

#f1 fanfic #lance stroll #lance stroll x reader #lance stroll x y/n #lance stroll x you #pierre gasly #pierre gasly x reader #pierre gasly x y/n #pierre gasly x you #f1 #lando norris #lando norris x y/n #carlos sainz #carlos sainz x reader #formula one #f1 x reader

[thefallennightmare]

Moment of Weakness-five

*credit to whoever created the gif. found on google/Pinterest *

Pairings: Mob!Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: language, smut, angst, fluff, affair, cheating, violence. Very very slight mention of small forceable touching. It’s towards the end so if it’s a trigger. Please don’t read. You can skip and not miss anything.

Summary: Reader is the assistant to New York's most feared mob boss, James Buchanan Barnes. He had the picture-perfect life: status in the mob, friends, and beautiful wife. So why can't he keep his mind and eyes off of reader?

Authors Notes: I've italicized a certain spot in this chapter that I found a prompt for on Pinterest and absolutely fell in love with so I wanted to use it in a story of mine. Kind of a long one but the only one for tonight. As I mentioned in the warnings, small amount of forceable touching towards the end. Feel free to skip ahead.

Tags(open): @splendidreads @sebsgirl71479 @mdpplgtz03 @pattiemac1 @unaxv @elizacusi-blog @alana4610 @broadwaybabe18 @themayzittcha @playboystark @raajali3 @ozwriterchick @ragamuffin285 @screamingdying @themorningsunshine @kenziekugler22 @calwitch @sebastianstansqueen @stanaddict @stucky-simp03 @sleyeveryday @loustan90 @lyra-black13 @valsworldofcreativity @cjand10 @tesseract69 @batprincess1013

I palmed my eyes, rubbing away the blurry tiredness that clouded them, and continued to read the papers in front of me. This should have been done hours ago but I found myself becoming busy with answering phone calls from the other gangs around New York because they wanted information about the next meeting. My work day ended over an hour ago and with how angry Bucky seemed at me earlier, I wanted to make sure all of my work was finished before leaving. 

“You’re still here?” 

I looked away from the papers and gave Steve a weak smile. “I thought you left already.” 

He nodded. “I did but Bucky needed me to come back. Something came up.” 

I looked towards the closed door of Bucky’s office and sighed. It had been a few hours since I had seen him and wasn’t sure what he was doing behind the closed door. 

“Is everything alright?” I asked, looking back at Steve. 

Steve stuffed his hands deep into his pants pockets. “Don’t worry about it. You should get home and get some sleep.” 

I squinted my eyes at him, clearly understanding that he was hiding something from me. I was interrupted by asking what by the front door of the small building opening, a fiery redhead bounding inside. 

“Oh, Steve. You’re still here?” 

He gave a warm smile to Natasha. “Bucky called me back. We need to take care of something.” 

“With Thor? Bucky told me that he low balled you guys again with his payment,” Natasha ignored me, only keeping her attention on Steve. 

My stomach dropped with jealousy, hearing that they talked about this with Natasha. 

“I thought Bucky specifically counted the money? I was with him and he said it was all there,” I said. 

That got Natasha’s attention and she looked at me with a parted lip expression. 

“Bucky went with you?” 

I nodded. “Last week. He was going to send me with Sam but he was out sick and Steve was busy so Bucky just came with me.” 

“He didn’t mention that,” Natasha muttered to herself. 

“I’m not exactly sure what happened. Bucky said to meet him here so we can head over to Thor’s club,” Steve shrugged. 

At the mention of his name, Bucky appeared almost out of nowhere and was surprised to not only see Natasha there but me there as well, still working. 

“Sweetheart, I didn’t know you were coming by. I told you I was going to be late tonight,” Bucky said. 

She laid a very deep kiss upon his lips, clearly one that Bucky had no problem returning. I had to look away not only because of the jealousy that filled me but the awkwardness I felt between them. Nothing happened between Bucky and I so there was no reason to feel this way. But I couldn’t help it, especially with how different Bucky had been acting when it was only him and I together. 

Steve didn’t miss the hurt look in my eyes. 

“I wanted to surprise you. I thought that we could get a few minutes together before you had to leave,” Natasha’s fingers dragged down the front of Bucky’s chest and lingered over his belt. 

She clearly didn’t care that Steve and I were there still, watching this unfold. 

Bucky shifted uncomfortably under her touch and when our eyes met, I had to look away, hoping he couldn’t tell how hurt I was watching them. 

He did. 

“Nat, I’m sorry but I don’t have any time for this,” Bucky sighed while taking her hands off of him. 

“Well, I guess I’ll go back home then and wait for you.” She ran a hand through her hair, the hurt and embarrassment clear on her face. 

Bucky shook his head before he motioned to his office. “I’ve got two minutes. Why don’t you tell me about your day?” 

That brightened up Natasha’s face as she eagerly nodded and followed Bucky into his office, the door left wide open. I couldn’t help but watch as they conversed quietly amongst themselves, the smile that played at Bucky’s lips sunk my heart deep into my stomach and it was weighed down when he moved a strand of hair out of Natasha’s face, tucking it behind her ear. 

How I longed and wished that was me. 

Steve sighed as he sat on the edge of my desk and looked down at me, arms crossed over his chest. 

“What?” I asked, not bothering to take my eyes off of Bucky. 

“You’re staring at him again,” he observed. 

Embarrassed, I looked down at my feet and shrugged. “I’m not. I simply looked over in that direction and he was there.” 

“Then why was that look on your face?” Steve snickered. 

“What?” I shook my head. “What look?” 

Steve bore his own hurt expression. “Everytime you look at him, you get this certain spark in your eyes. Almost as if you’re looking at the night sky.” 

“And?” 

He let out a broken breath. “You love the night sky.” 

My heart dropped again, only this time it was because of how hurt Steve sounded and suddenly I realized why he felt that way. 

“Oh, Steve,” I breathed while standing to my feet. 

My hand went to cup his cheek but he was quick to stand, Bucky and Natasha walking out of the office. I didn’t have the chance to talk to Steve about what I realized because he had moved away from me, almost as if I had breathed a sickness unto him. 

“I’ll see you when I get home, alright?” Bucky placed a kiss on Natasha’s lips. 

I averted my gaze to my shoes and danced on my heels. 

“Y/N, do you want me to wait for you and we can walk to our cars together?” She suggested. 

“Oh, I-.” I stumbled over my words, trying to rack my brain for an excuse as to why I couldn’t leave quite yet. 

I knew the only reason why Natasha wanted to walk with me to my car was to make sure that I wasn’t alone with Bucky yet again. 

“She’s finishing up some work for me. Not worth it to have you wait around,” Bucky spoke for me. 

I gave him a small smile of thanks. 

They said another quick goodbye and when she was gone, I crossed my arms over my chest while leaning all of my weight onto my left foot. 

“So, Thor low balled you with the cash yet again?” I asked Bucky with a raised brow. 

He sighed. “Don’t worry about it. Steve and I will handle it.” 

“What’s the real reason why you’re going to New Asgard?” 

Bucky and Steve looked at me with slight shock. 

“How do you know the name of his club?” Steve asked. 

I shrugged as if it was no big deal. “I’ve been there once or twice. It’s a crazy place and there’s only two reasons why people go there; sex and drugs.” 

Bucky ran a hand over his beard. “Is that why you went there?” 

I didn’t miss the jealousy in his voice. 

“Hell no. I went with my friend Wanda a year ago after she lost her boyfriend. She wanted to let loose and she did. It wasn’t my scene.” 

“But I do know that you’re not going to get in just the two of you,” I continued. “New Asgard has a strict rule of allowing male members inside when they’re alone.” 

Steve spoke next. “I’m sure if we tell them that we were there to talk with Thor, they’ll let us in.” 

I snorted. “If you wanted to talk with him, why don’t you meet with him at Asgard Industries?” 

The two men shared a look, not saying a word. 

“So if you want to get into his club, you’re going to need me,” I said while getting my things together. 

“Fuck no,” Bucky shook his head. “I’m not letting you go anywhere near Thor especially after how he was acting around you the last time.” 

I shrugged before slipping into my jacket. “Which is exactly why you need me tonight. I can distract him while the two of you do whatever it is you need to do. I’m assuming that is top secret mob boss stuff.” 

Their silence gave me their answer. 

“So,” I nodded. “I’ll meet you outside the club in one hour.” 

“Where are you going?” Steve questioned. 

“Home to change. Business attire isn’t exactly New Asgard dress code,” I informed him. 

Bucky shook his head in disagreement while grabbing my elbow to stop me. “I don’t like the idea of you throwing yourself onto Thor to help out Steve and I. We’re not going to be there in case something happens.” 

The fire from his touch burned all of my insides and I resisted the urge to taste him. So instead, I gently removed myself from his grasp. 

“Too bad it’s not up to you. I’ll meet you out front in one hour.” 

I ignored their protests, knowing that whatever their true intentions were tonight, that they needed me in order to distract Thor. 

My heels clicked loudly against the pavement in tangent with the loud bass blaring from the club as I walked up. There was a long line of people, waiting to get inside, but I knew that in order to get inside, there was no point in waiting in line. There was a slight chill in the air tonight as it wrapped around me, the bottom of my very tight dress doing nothing to warm my legs as it stopped just below my ass. The low cut was very revealing and the red color choice was perfect for tonight. 

Not for Thor but for Bucky. 

Word around the office was that he loved his women in red. 

I found the two men whispering to each other and when I walked up, it seized, both of their eyes drinking in my appearance. Steve simply licked his lips as his eyes looked me up and down. 

Bucky, however, wore a look I had never seen before. His breath caught in his throat while his jaw dropped, eyes turning dark. 

“Hi boys,” I smiled. 

Steve let out a low whistle. “You clean up nice.” 

“Thank you, Steve.” I looked towards Bucky, who still hadn’t uttered a word. 

“Cat got your tongue?” I teased. 

His tongue rolled slowly over his bottom lip and the sheer desire I felt oozing from his stare froze my feet in place. I suddenly felt small in front of him as his eyes grazed up from the tips of my toes to the top of my head, taking his sweet time over the swell of my chest. 

His eyes showed what he didn’t say; Bucky wanted to taste every inch of me. 

My skin burned with the thought. 

“Should we, uh, head inside?” I asked. 

Reluctantly, the men nodded and they followed me to the front of the line where one of Thor’s men stood with a clipboard in his hand, like the typical bouncer at a club. 

“Ms. Y/N, how are you? It’s been awhile,” he smiled. 

“Hello Heimdall!” I cheered while stepping into his open arms. “I’m sure Thor told you that he was expecting us tonight?” 

I nodded over my shoulder to Steve and Bucky, who were not too keen on me having this man's arms around me. 

Heimdall looked past me and wore a low scowl. “You know how we feel about outsiders on our streets, Y/N.” 

I let out a fake sigh. “I know and I’m so sorry. But I needed to see Thor and these two wouldn’t let me go alone. Something about New Asgard being too dangerous for a girl like me.” 

“As if you couldn’t handle yourself here. I’ve seen it a few times,” Heimdall reminded me. 

I snorted. “And yet you guys still allow me to come back.” 

Bucky sneaked up behind me, his hand ghosting over my lower back, and I felt his warm breath against my ear. “We need to get inside now, doll.” 

My body shivered and I peered down at his phone when I saw that he was showing me something. 

I’m alright, boss. But I can’t promise that I’ll be alive in the next hour. I’m sorry I got caught again. I promise it won’t happen again as long as you get me out of here.

“Fucking Peter Parker,” I grumbled. 

So that was the reason why we were here, to save Peter’s ass. 

“The faster we get inside, the faster we can leave, and these pathetic excuses of men stop gawking at you,” Bucky seethed. 

I saw what he was so upset about; a few men in the line waiting to go inside had averted looking from their dates to take in the sight of me. I smiled smugly towards Bucky. 

“Are you jealous?” 

His jaw tensed but remained silent, giving me my answer. I turned my attention back to Heimdall. 

“Well, it will be ten minutes, top. Promise,” I made an effort to make an X over my chest. 

Reluctantly, he nodded before stepping to the side, allowing the three of us to enter the club. 

The music radiated off of us and the heat from the packed bodies around us brought a fast sweat to my skin. Bucky and Steve were close to my side as we maneuvered our way through the crowd and over towards the bar. 

“So what did Parker get into this time?” I asked Bucky. 

He sighed. “He tried selling to Thor without knowing who he was so Thor was upset that Parker was dealing on his streets without getting a cut so now I have to save his ass.”

I ordered a drink from the bartender and smiled a thanks as she handed it to me. My eyes peered over the rim of the glass as I looked at Bucky. 

“I’m surprised you’re here to save him. I thought for sure it was a Steve or Sam kind of job,” I admitted. 

“He was adamant that he would come with me tonight,” Steve spoke from behind me. 

The feeling of his body pressed into my back from how close he was made me bite my lip when the large bulge in his pants pressed into the bareness of my thigh. This was a new feeling with Steve and as much as I loved the feeling of him pressed up against me, I knew that it would falter in a moment. 

“What’s the plan?” 

Bucky pointed with a vibranium finger towards a door far off in the distance. “That’s Thor’s office and most likely where he’s keeping Parker. You need to distract Thor long enough for Steve and I to save Parker.” 

I tossed back the rest of my drink and nodded. “Shouldn’t be too hard.” 

“Hey,” Bucky grasped my hand, linking our fingers together. There was a shock that filled the both of us but I pushed the feeling to the side. 

“Can you promise that if you get a bad feeling, you leave? Meet in my car down the road?” 

I nodded. “Of course.” 

With a gentle squeeze, our hands dropped and I frowned at the sudden chill I felt but pushed on, hoping to find Thor in the crowded club. 

After a few minutes of searching and avoiding grabbing hands of the random men, I spotted Thor on the second level, sitting in his own secluded section. Our eyes locked and through gritted teeth, I forced a smile and gave him a wave. The look of excitement that crossed his lips did nothing to ease my nerves. He had been so persistent the other day when I first met him that I was a bit afraid of how he would be tonight. 

With a quick wave, I ascended up the steps to his section and had no issue passing the guard at the top of the stairs. 

“I was hoping you would show,” Thor beamed. 

“I did text you, didn’t I?” The fakeness in my voice scared me. 

He motioned to the open spot next to him on the couch. “Care for a drink?” 

I shook my head. “I’ve already had one, thank you. I’ve got to work in the morning.” 

Thor and I leaned back into the couch, his arm resting on the edge behind me. His long blonde hair had been braided back out of his face and his beard had been trimmed nicely. If I wasn't so creeped out with how forward he had been before, I would have found him attractive. 

“Barnes has you working late nights and early mornings, eh?” Thor asked. 

I shook my head yet again. “It isn't so bad. I did get to meet you, so that’s a perk.” 

My hand rested against his arm and I gave it a slight squeeze. Thor leaned in closer, his breath fanning against the crook of my neck, and his own hand began rubbing up and down the bare skin of my thigh. 

I froze under his touch when his fingers slipped underneath my dress. 

“Why don’t we move this to my office? Much more private there,” his lips brushed against my skin. 

I tried to move away from him but his grip on the inside of my thigh tightened. 

“You know what, I forgot my phone down at the bar. I should go grab it,” I lied. 

Thor ignored me, his fingers sliding farther up underneath my dress and I placed my hands over his to try to stop him. 

“Thor, stop. I don’t like this.” 

My words fell onto his deaf ears and I thrashed against him, tears welling in eyes, when I felt a finger hook into my panties. 

Suddenly, vibranium fingers wrapped around his throat and I let out a small scream, scooting farther away. Bucky had Thor pinned against the couch, his oxygen getting cut off instantly. 

“If I see you touching her like that again, I’ll make sure to end your life without a second thought, understood?” Bucky fumed. 

Thor couldn’t speak so he nodded and Bucky tossed him to the floor, his loud gasps of air echoing around us. 

Bucky was quick at my side scoping me up to my feet, his arms locked safely around me. 

“Are you alright, doll?” He asked. 

I shook my head, the tears falling, but my throat had closed up, not being able to speak. 

Redness covered me with embarrassment as I allowed this to happen, Thor getting that close to me. I wanted to help out Bucky and Steve so I let my guard down. 

“Don’t do that,” Bucky cupped my cheeks. “Do not blame yourself, Y/N. This wasn’t your fault.” 

It was as if he read my mind, knowing that I was blaming myself. 

I nodded in his grasp. “Can you take me home?” 

Bucky’s lips ghosted in my hairline and I melted into his embrace, my hands grasping at his back. 

“Of course, doll.” 

With soft sobs falling from my lips, I let Bucky lead me out of the club and the fresh air still did nothing to calm me.

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