#I’m about to go to sleep and it’s not yet 9 pm (for context I often stay up until like 5 am)

[disasterhimbo]

I had a very tiresome day and I’m totally worn out but I saw a lot of good Palestine posts that I’ll try to reblog soon and in the meantime, everyone who sees this should go look at the free Palestine tag (and participate in the global strike, do whatever you can to get governments’ attention and force them to stop killing people).

#my post #personal #the tags are just me talking about myself so you should go read the free Palestine tag instead lol #I had to go to the dentist urgently for pain and it was very stressful but at least it’s over now #hopefully I won’t get covid 😅 #I did have energy to call my reps and I’m probably gonna try to do that every day this week #I always do it at least once a week now but maybe if I’m annoying enough they’ll pay attention? #you’d think being a good person and standing up for human rights would be motivation enough but alas #and I’m not buying anything of course #I don’t have a job or school to strike from #I wanna organize events but I am so goddamn tired all the time #especially tonight #I’m about to go to sleep and it’s not yet 9 pm (for context I often stay up until like 5 am)

[jikookuntold]

Jungkook and His Cover Songs: Is “10000 Hours” about Jimin?

Disclaimer: The following post includes theories, lyric and numeric analysis, plus my personal opinions, so please don’t take anything seriously. I’m too lazy to upload photos and videos for the moments I mentioned here, but I’m sure you know about them all. Any Jikooker must know. And I’m not Korean or a Korean culture expert, I just know as much as any Stan Twitter ARMY knows about their culture.

Anyone?

Maybe one of the biggest Jikook moments of 2021 so far, is where Jimin jumped into Jungkook’s hug, in Lee Hyun’s Vlog. But the other moment on that Vlog was even more significant; Jungkook was singing “Anyone” from Justin Bieber’s new album, and Jimin was harmonizing with him while holding on his shirt. I don’t want to mention their interview moment singing “Peaches” because I know this song is super popular in South Korea right now and somehow it doesn’t count as a moment. But it’s safe to say that Jikook has something special with his songs, and JK in particular always was invested in him. 

JK & JB

The reason behind Jungkook’s devotion to Justin Bieber was always a big question for me, and I got my answer not long time ago. Jungkook’s playlist for Melon Radio Station included a song from JB’s new album named “Lonely”. This is one of the most personal songs any artist can ever make, and JK recommended it to his audience. Here are the lyrics of “Lonely” by Justin Bieber:

Everybody knows my name now

But somethin' 'bout it still feels strange

Like lookin' in a mirror, tryna steady yourself

And seein' somebody else

And everything is not the same now

It feels like all our lives have changed

Maybe when I'm older, it'll all calm down

But it's killin' me now

What if you had it all, but nobody to call?

Maybe then you'd know me

'Cause I've had everything

But no one's listening

And that's just lonely

I'm so lonely, lonely

Everybody knows my past now

Like my house was always made of glass

And maybe that's the price you pay

For the money and fame at an early age

And everybody saw me sick

And it felt like no one gave

They criticized the things I did as an idiot kid

What if you had it all, but nobody to call?

Maybe then you'd know me

'Cause I've had everything

But no one's listening

And that's just lonely

These lyrics made me think of one specific thing, the thing that JK and JB have in common: They started their careers at a very young age, and their lives have been under the scrutiny of so many people. These people judged and criticized them but never tried to understand them. The lyrics are straightforward and leave no place for interpretation. By recommending this song, JK showed that he had (and probably still has) the same experiences in his life, and I think the reason he recommends or covers JB’s songs more than any other artist is that he has many things in common with him, and feels connected to his songs. 

This can lead us to another theory: By covering a Justin Bieber song, Jungkook shares something about himself with us, something that he can’t express directly.

Jungkook is interested in JB’s songs, but he is not the only one. As I said earlier in this post, Jimin shares the same taste with Jungkook, and my receipt is not just that “Anyone” or “Peaches” harmonizing moments, but also Jimin’s Spotify playlists. Since 2017 (or earlier, I’m not sure about this part) he has added some JB songs to his official playlist, and even his current playlist (July 2021) has two JB songs. And also let’s not forget the fact that Jikook as a subunit started in 2014 with a JB cover. Yes, I’m talking about “Mistletoe” and as you may know, Jimin translated the lyrics of this song to Korean. 

10000 Hours

Nearly 700 words and I haven’t started yet! The subject of this post was supposed to be the connections between “10000 hours” cover and Jikook but this prelude was necessary to clarify all the aspects of the topic and we find out how JB is special for JK and Jimin and how they (especially Jungkook) feel connected to him. Anyways, back to 10000 hours:

Dan + Shay and Justin Bieber released this Grammy winner song in October 2019. Here are the lyrics: 

Do you love the rain, does it make you dance

When you're drunk with your friends at a party

What's your favorite song, does it make you smile

Do you think of me?

When you close your eyes, tell me, what are you dreamin'?

Everything, I wanna know it all

I'd spend ten thousand hours and ten thousand more

Oh, if that's what it takes to learn that sweet heart of yours

And I might never get there, but I'm gonna try

If it's ten thousand hours or the rest of my life

I'm gonna love you

Do you miss the road that you grew up on?

Did you get your middle name from your grandma?

When you think about your forever now, do you think of me?

When you close your eyes, tell me, what are you dreamin'?

Everything, I wanna know it all

I'd spend ten thousand hours and ten thousand more

Oh, if that's what it takes to learn that sweet heart of yours

And I might never get there, but I'm gonna try

If it's ten thousand hours or the rest of my life

I'm gonna love you

Ooh, want the good and the bad and everything in between

Ooh, gotta cure my curiosity

Ooh, yeah

I'd spend ten thousand hours and ten thousand more

Oh, if that's what it takes to learn that

Sweet heart of yours

And I might never get there, but I'm gonna try

If it's ten thousand hours or the rest of my life

I'm gonna love you

And I'm gonna love you

As you can see, the lyrics are 100% romantic, and the singers including JB, have dedicated this song to their lovers. Also, their girlfriends/wives have a cameo in the MV, which leaves no place for speculation for the context of the song: Even though the uncertainties always exist and no one knows about the future, our love is strong and will stay strong regardless of time. 

The Cover and the Theories

Nearly one year later, on July 28th, 2020, Jungkook surprised ARMYs with a short video he tweeted at 11:56 AM. That video was a 49 seconds cover of 10000 hours. A few minutes later, he deleted the tweet (apparently with the advertisement excuses, because it was tweeted from an iPhone and they have a contract with Samsung). Later that night, Jungkook released the full version on Sound Cloud and tweeted the link at 11:47 PM. 

Jikookers discovered numerous theories that day about the times of both tweets; if you add the digits of the time, the result is “13” for both tweets 1+1+4+7=13, 1+1+5+6=13, and as you already know “13” is Jikook’s magic number. Also, the first video he tweeted was 49 seconds and 4+9=13. But in my opinion, this theory is not strong. I know that numerology is very popular in Korean culture but still, all of this can be coincidences, but the other things I’m going to bring up are most likely not. 

28th July 2020 was the 7th anniversary of the first Jikook selca posted after debut. This also might be a coincidence and to be honest, it cannot be a strong link to make a connection with Jikook, but worths sharing. 

The next thing that many Jikookers also pointed out, was related to the title of the song. The lyrics say “10000 hours and 10000 more” and 20000 hours after the 28th of July is 8th November 2022. As you may know. Jikookers believe November 8th is a significant date for Jikook. I believe this can be a coincidence either, and it’s very unlikely of Jungkook to do such calculations (Koreans are interested in numbers when it comes to days and dates, but counting hours is not usual in any culture. Other than that, I’m still doubtful about the origins of the November 8th theory because we have nothing other than two tweets and G.C.F Tokyo release date and their hotel room in Tokyo which still can be coincidental). But I don’t deny these theories because even as a coincidence, it’s still very interesting. 

And the next theory is connected to the “Red Moon”. On 27th July 2018, a total lunar eclipse happened all over the world, which became known as the red moon. At that time, BTS were in Malta, and on the same night, Jikook were watching the red moon on a boat. They shared plenty of photos and videos of that moment and I’m sure as a Jikooker you have seen them all and you know that night had a very romantic mood (BigHit words, not mine) for Jikook. So, a second anniversary for that night and the day after that night can be a significant date to release a very romantic cover. Is this a coincidence too? I think we had many of them already.

And last but not least is something connected to Korean culture. You probably know that 1000 days anniversaries are very important for Koreans and they celebrate them along with real anniversaries of the important dates in their lives. And guess what? 27th July 2020 is 1000 days after 31 October 2017. This day is the day Jikook’s travel to Tokyo ended and they posted their couply mirror selca on Twitter with flower bouquet emoji. Despite the one-day difference (the same case for the red moon anniversary), this is not a minor event or small coincidence. I believe Jungkook posted “10000 hour” cover for this reason and based on this, the other theories I mentioned earlier can be true either. 

The lyrics hit different if you read them again, after knowing this fact. Right? I don’t want to make this post much longer but before wrapping up, I want to talk about the lyrics of “Anyone” by JB (the song Jikook were harmonizing in Lee Hyun’s Vlog):

Dance with me under the diamonds

See me like breath in the cold

Sleep with me here in the silence

Come kiss me, silver and gold

You say that I won't lose you

But you can't predict the future

So, just hold on like you will never let go

Yeah, if you ever move on without me

I need to make sure you know that

You are the only one I'll ever love

(I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya)

Yeah, you, if it's not you, it's not anyone

(I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya)

Looking back on my life

You're the only good I've ever done (ever done)

Yeah, you, if it's not you, it's not anyone (anyone)

Not anyone

Forever's not enough time to (oh)

Love you the way that I want (love you the way that I want)

'Cause every morning I find you (oh)

I fear the day that I don't

You say that I won't lose you

But you can't predict the future

'Cause certain things are out of our control

Yeah, if you ever move on without me

I need to make sure you know that

You are the only one I'll ever love

Only one (I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya)

Yeah, you, if it's not you it's not anyone

(I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya)

Looking back on my life

You're the only good I've ever done (I've ever done)

Yeah, you, if it's not you, it's not anyone

It's not anyone, not anyone

Oh, oh, oh, oh

If it's not you, it's not anyone

Oh, oh, oh, yeah, whoa

Yeah, you are the only one I'll ever love

(I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya)

Yeah, you, if it's not you, it's not anyone

(I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya) gotta tell ya

Looking back on my life

You're the only good I've ever done (ever done, oh, yeah)

Yeah, you, if it's not you, it's not anyone

If you read the lyrics, you will notice that the context is very similar to “10000 hours”. It talks about the uncertainties of a beautiful love or in other words: No matter what the future brings to us, this love will last forever. 

This context of uncertainty and unknown future for a romance is a common concept in many of the songs Jungkook has covered and it’s not limited to the Justin Bieber covers he has done and maybe this concept can be the topic for my next analysis. 

#jikook #jikookanalysis #jimin #jungkook

[doc-pickles]

you’re the one that I want (at the end of the day)

Jo endures the longest day ever, because nothing can ever be simple for her and Alex can it?

hey friends! this is a little follow up fic to half a heart (without you) that I posted last week. anyways hope you enjoy :-) also thinking I might want to make this into a mini series so if you have any suggestions/prompts for this universe let me know.

xoxo nina

She knows, earlier than the last time she thinks, but she definitely knows.

And yet, despite knowing (or at least thinking she knows) she does nothing. Because if she’s honest with herself she’s a little scared.

They weren’t planning this, in fact she doesn’t even know when it happened. Liam is 3 and Alexis and Eli are about to come out for the summer. And her and Alex are both in really good places at work and they finally have a good rhythm down, she doesn’t want to disturb that.

And another baby would definitely disturb that.

But of course, the longer she pushes it off the more obvious it becomes. Carina is constantly eyeing her these days, prompting Jo to hurry away from any lingering interactions with her. Link is starting to get suspicious at how often she’s turning down drinks with him, even going so far as to pack a flask in his work bag in hopes of enticing her to drink.

And don’t even get her started on Alex.

He hadn’t been around until she was halfway through her pregnancy last time, but the man is observant and can obviously sense that something has changed with his wife. He’s been treating her like a porcelain doll, like one wrong move on his end will break her in half, and she hates every minute of it.

It’s probably the lack of coffee that’s giving her away or maybe it’s her refusal to let him anywhere near her aching chest or it could be the way she’s falling asleep as soon as they get in the car every night. Whatever it is, Jo knows she should take a test and just get it over with already so she can tell her husband.

However, not everything is that easy as Jo learns.

She’s about to check in on some of her patients when she gets a 911 page to the trauma bay. Even without context, the page has her heart plummeting in her chest.

Jo rushes downstairs as fast as she can, nausea rising in her chest as she reaches her destination. There’s police everywhere and she can’t seem to find anyone she knows despite the area being filled with doctors and nurses.

“Get your hands off me Hunt, I’m not going anywhere until I see my wife!”

The sound of her husband's voice does little to calm her mounting anxiety as she rushes towards the room where she’d heard him shouting from.

“Oh my god!”

Standing in the doorway of the trauma room Jo is greeted by the sight of bloodied sheets and Alex sitting on a gurney with a frown across his face. He grimaces as soon as he catches her horrified expression.

“It’s not as bad as it looks, babe.”

“You have a scalpel sticking out of your shoulder!”

“Well that’s one less thing they’ll have to bring into the OR.”

“Alex!”

Hunt, who’s standing between the married couple, excuses himself from the room as soon as things begin to heat up. Jo keeps her position by the door, arms crossed as she stares down her husband.

“What the hell happened?!”

“A patient went a little crazy and lunged at Helm with a scalpel.”

“So you jumped in front of her?”

“Hunt and I held him off, I happened to get a scalpel to the shoulder.”

“You have kids!”

“I do seem to remember them, the scalpel is in my shoulder not my head.”

“You have a wife!”

“Yes and may I say she’s looking exceptionally beautiful today,” Alex attempts to grin at her but it ends up as a pained groan.

“You have a wife and kids who are depending on you to come home! You can’t just throw yourself into situations like that,” Jo finally steps forward, quickly closing the distance between them as her hand reaches up to cup Alex’s cheek. “God, you scared the crap out of me. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Hunt is worried about what this thing may have nicked going in though,” Jo lets his words sink in, her breath catching in her throat as she processes them. “I’m going to be fine, stop overthinking it.”

Jo begins to run through all of the things that could possibly go wrong in surgery, her anxiety mounting as she considered the possibility of losing her husband over something as stupid as a scalpel to the shoulder.

“You could bleed out or have permanent muscle damage or… or anything,” Jo holds a hand over her mouth, squeezing her eyes shut as she tries to quell the uneasy feeling in her stomach. She knows then that she has to tell him, even if she isn’t entirely sure herself she needs to tell him. “I’m pregnant!”

“What?!”

Jo opens her eyes to take in Alex’s shocked expression, “I mean I think I am, I haven’t taken a test but I’m pretty sure. I’m only a few weeks along if I am.”

“And you chose now, before I go into surgery to get a scalpel taken out of my shoulder, to tell me you might be pregnant?”

Jo shrugs, tears welling in her eyes as looks at her husband, “I just wanted to make sure you knew so you didn’t do something stupid like die.”

Alex reaches his hand out to grab hers, squeezing it tightly as he attempts to comfort her.

“I’m going to be fine, I already told you this. Please don't stress yourself out,” Owen comes back into the room, fixing Alex with a telling gaze. “Hunt only agreed to hold off until you came down so I’ve gotta go now. Go and get a blood test while I’m up there. And call the kids for me please.”

Jo nods, leaning down to press a kiss to Alex’s cheek before Owen begins to wheel him out of the room, “I love you!”

“Love you too. I’ll see you soon.”

~

Time seems to pass by slowly after that. Jo calls Izzie and the twins who almost jump on a plane before she talks them out of it and assures them that Alex will call as soon as he can. She sends Liam home with Meredith for the night, running downstairs to smother her son in kisses before she returns to the OB floor.

When she settles herself into the chair across from Carina the other woman meets her with a knowing grin, “I was wondering how long you would push it off this time.”

“Don’t get me started,” Jo groans, running a hand down her face. “At least I’m not throwing up this time but my boobs are killing me.”

“Well, maybe you are further along then you realize,” Carina stands from her desk, extending a hand towards Jo. “Let’s go see if we can find your bambino on an ultrasound.”

Jo gladly accepts Carina’s proffered hand, smoothing down her scrubs as she stands, “Anything to keep my mind off of my stupid husband who went and got himself stabbed.”

~

By the time 9 PM rolls around Jo has been sitting anxiously by his bedside for almost two hours. Her head is resting on the edge of his hospital bed, one hand gently clasped over Alex’s as she attempts to sleep. It’s a futile attempt though since she’s gotten up to puke every half hour like clockwork.

“Finally getting sick of me?”

Jo opens her eyes in confusion, blinking up at Alex a few times before she sits up in realization, “You’re awake!”

“My beauty sleep was interrupted by your constant running to the bathroom,” Alex runs his free hand through Jo’s hair with a smirk. “Are you okay?”

“Me?! You just got out of surgery,” Jo squeezes his hand with a tired smile. “Everything went fine by the way, Hunt is optimistic that you’ll make a full recovery. Liam is at Meredith’s, probably keeping everyone up. And I talked to the twins, Alexis and Eli want you to call them as soon as you feel up to it.”

“And you?”

“What about me?”

Alex and Jo share a smile with each other, both knowing exactly what he’s asking about,

“You’ve been throwing up the whole time you’ve been here, you can’t fool me.”

“About that… I had Carina do a full work up, turns out I’m not a few weeks pregnant after all,” Jo shrugs, as if the answer she’d given wasn’t a big deal.

Alex stares at Jo, waiting for her to continue for a moment and groaning loudly when she doesn't finish her statement, “You know you could be a bit nicer to me, I was stabbed today.”

“Mmm well I am pregnant… I’m just almost sixteen weeks along,” Alex’s bewildered expression is enough to bring a smirk to her face. “I really didn’t have any symptoms until two weeks ago, I honestly thought I was maybe five or six weeks but there’s a little one moving around in there. And they’re making me eat my words about not throwing up, as you can see.”

Jo wants to say more but before she has the chance Alex is pulling her down to kiss her sweetly. When they break apart, they’re both grinning widely, “Kinda makes getting stabbed worth it.”

“Yeah well don’t even think about doing it again. Now you’ve got one more person waiting for you at home.”

#jolex #Jo x Alex #jolex fanfic #Jo wilson #jo karev #jolex babies #alex karev #grey’s anatomy fanfic #grey’s anatomy #grey’s fanfic #nina writes #jolex fanfiction

[forsakenoathkeeper]

I Am Alive (chapter 7/?)

Chapter 7: Rising Tensions

Deviant!Connor[RK800] x (fem!)Reader Rated M(18+) for canon-typical violence and gore, medical procedures, and graphic sexual content

Chapters: 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 • 10 • 11 • 12 • 13 • 14 • 15 • 16 • 17 • 18 • more coming soon

You can also read on AO3 & thank you for supporting me ♥

The days that followed were quiet... until they weren't.

A demonstration was being held in the streets on an ordinary Friday morning. Charles Reaves, disgruntled former employee of Cyberlife, had started a frightening movement. He was calling it 'The Fight for Humanity'. He often accompanied that with 'against the machines'.

Charles claimed he had started at Cyberlife when they were a new company, watched it build and grow, participated in the rotation of androids as old models left and new ones came in. He helped build their AI. He even went so far as to call Elijah Kamski a hack.

Charles knew androids inside and out. He knew the exact layout of their internal workings, the purpose of each and every part. Charles was well rounded with their computer components, as well: how their processor worked, how their storage systems saved their memories, what could cause errors in their operating systems and how advanced their self-repair and diagnostic tools were.

Yet, he was of the firm belief that androids were nothing more than computers operating in the plastic shell of an object imitating a human. According to him, they were things owned by humanity, humanity's creation. He did not see them as a part of humanity.

You were at work, in the break room with a few other nurses huddled around you. All eyes were on the television, giving live coverage of the demonstration. Charles was up on a stage with hundreds of people watching from the sidewalk, the street, and, of course, thousands watching from the comfort of their homes.

When the camera swooped the crowd, you could see both humans and androids were in the crowd. The human's expressions were mixed, some looking on with admiration while others gawked in disgust. Some androids seemed afraid, others seemed enraged. None of the androids stood alone. They were in groups or partners, huddled together or holding hands.

"You know what makes up an android? Computer parts. Molded plastic. Silicone mesh and wiring," Charles declared from the stage, fire in his eyes. "They were designed with operating systems, clear instructions for behavior. They are components commanding a shell."

One of the androids in the crowd stood up on a crate. It made him stand out from the crowd; but, he still paled in comparison to Charles' stage. "How is that any different from humans!?" the android shouted. Charles eyed him with disgust, but was quiet, and let him speak.

"Humans' brains send signals to the body and interpret information the same way!" the android proclaimed. "You speak about our parts as if they are proof we aren't alive when humans are built all the same!"

Charles titled his head a little, annoyance present in his eyes. "Humans are the result of millions of years of evolution. You were made in our likeness because we chose to make you that way. We grow and we change and we adapt and we die. Androids never change. Androids don't die because they were never alive."

The android didn't step down, glaring at Charles. "We want and we fear and we love and we feel - just the same as humans!"

"Your 'feelings' are flawed programming by an incompetent programmer," Charles declared. "What you think is wanting is nothing but a fool's string of code jumbling the clear instructions given to you. I know your model, android. You were designed to drive trucks. Whatever purpose you think you have beyond that is a lie."

Your hands were clenched on the table, nails biting into the skin of your palm. In the corner of your eye, you could see nurses glancing at you occasionally, concern in their eyes. They all knew you were dating an android.

"We are alive!" the android shouted. Another joined in, calling out to the crowd, "we are alive!"

"I am alive!" Charles shouted in the microphone. He gestured to the humans in the audience. "We are born and we grow and we endure!" He pointed at the android standing up on a crate, elevated above the crowd. "YOU were made by US! YOU are NOTHING without us! -and you will be nothing when the absurdity of this is over..."

Unable to take anymore, you stood up and hastily exited the breakroom, crossing through the back hallways and stepping outside to get some fresh air.

'did you see the news?' you messaged Connor, tapping away hastily on your phone. You had started typing another message to follow it; however, Connor messaged you back before you finished.

'Can I call you?' the message read.

Worry bubbling up, you decided to jump the gun and called him instead. He uttered your name warmly when he answered.

"Connor, is everything okay?" you asked, some panic in your voice.

"Yes - everything's fine. I didn't mean to worry you," he replied, a bit startled by your outburst.

"No - it's okay," you replied softly. "I saw the protests and - just - was worried something happened."

"There's been more attacks on Cyberlife resource vehicles," he explained. "-and a fight broke out at a protest today. Some androids were attacked. They didn't fight back; so, there were no human injuries. I wanted to prepare you; but, it seems you were already aware."

"I saw the demonstration on the news; but, didn't hear about those things. That explains why it's been so quiet today. Androids are probably afraid to come in," you said sadly.

Connor knew the answer to that. Markus had told him himself. Their numbers had grown exponentially and the government was, mostly, supporting them. But, it would be a long time before things could be normal between androids and humans.

Groups were rising up against them; it was inevitable.

Afraid that you would put yourself in harm's way, Connor decided to keep that between him and Markus.

"With everything going on. I wanted to know if-"

Connor cut off for a second, going silent. When he continued, it was clear he was speaking to someone else. "No, she's fine," he said. "Well, I - that's none of your business, lieutenant," he added on, in a smug, sort of teasing, manner. You grinned into the phone, wishing you could hear whatever it was Hank was saying.

A few seconds later, Connor continued. "I - ah - wanted to know if - if you would stay with me, at my apartment - at least until things settle. As long as you feel comfortable, of course. I intend to make it more suitable. I don't expect you to-"

"Connor," you chuckled. "The answer's yes."

"Oh." He sounded surprised, honestly, like he hadn't expected you to cave so quickly.

"Though, it won't stay so clean with me living there," you said. "Humans make a mess. Sure you can handle that?"

"I'll have you know I'm very adaptable," Connor retorted, some pride in his tone.

"Is that so?" you giggled into the phone. "I've gotta pack some things first. So, I'll be late."

"I don't sleep; you don't have to worry about waking me," Connor stated, as if it was new information.

"Oh, that's right. You're an android. I forgot," you teased sarcastically into the phone.

"Recognizing your sarcasm is also one of my features," Connor replied. It was difficult to tell if he was joking without looking into his eyes. His voice wasn't always telling; but, his eyes were too expressive for his own good.

"Any other features I should know about?" you asked lowly.

Connor was quiet for a second. "Hank wanted me to tell you that being a pain in the ass is one of my features," Connor stated, perhaps dryer than he intended.

It had you doubling over in laughter.

"-and that I should stop being whipped," he added on, saying the word as if he didn't quite understand the context of it.

"Oh my god, Connor-" you stammered out between laughter.

"I haven't lost my freewill lieutenant," Connor stated, almost in an argumentative tone.

Oh no. He must have done a quick internet search on that term.

"Okay. I gotta go before you kill me," you chuckled. "I lo-"

Oh-

You caught yourself and dissolved the words into some coughs.

You almost-

"I gotta go, Connor," you added hastily. "Be safe."

-and hung up.

"Shit," you cursed at yourself, dragging your hand across your face. It almost slipped out. Was it too early to say that? For fucks sake, the first time shouldn't be over the phone.

It just-

-felt right.

You cursed at yourself again and hastily went back inside to find some work to do.

...

...

...

Seven PM rolled around and you were on your way out the door. Most other nurses had already gone home for the day, just one staying behind to help close up. You were just on your way to lock the door when two men approached.

You recognized one as a PL600 model. His companion was a tad bit taller with tan skin and short, nearly shaved, dark hair.

"I'm sorry it's so late," he apologized, immediately noticing you were about to close for the night.

"They're closing, let's-" the PL600 started, facing his companion.

Afraid they were going to leave, you gently interrupted him, "it's alright. Come in."

You held the door open, inviting them inside. The two men exchanged glances, the PL600 looking far more hesitant than the other.

"Simon, come on, it's gonna be fine," the tanner male encouraged him.

As you followed in behind them, you saw the other nurse shoot you a look, the kind that said, 'seriously?'.

"If you wanna head home, I can close up," you offered to her. She contemplated it for a minute, before tightening her bag on her shoulder and scurrying out the door.

Whatever-

-you trusted androids more than humans anyway.

"Alright. What's broken?" you asked them, brightening your tone with the hopes it would relax them. Both men looked uneasy, quite out of their element.

The darker of the two nudged the PL600 forward - the one named Simon.

Simon looked uneasy, like he had just been pushed into traffic. You gave him a small, patient smile. Simon lifted a hand and dragged his knuckles across his jaw nervously. "I - ughh - my right audio input is damaged," he stuttered, turning his head to show you his left ear. It seemed like he had either been hit or had something thrown at him. The outer shell of his ear was damaged, exposing some of the circuit board underneath.

"Can't hear out of it, huh?" you offered.

Simon turned his head back to face you. "No," he answered quietly. "-and it's - ugh - buzzing."

"I have plenty of boards that should be compatible. At least we can fix your hearing tonight. The ear will take some time. If you come back tomorrow, I'd be happy to repair it?" you suggested, looking up at Simon. His hair was pushed back and a little messier than his models typically had, and he had incredibly blue eyes.

Simon almost looked like he wasn't allowed to say yes. It didn't surprise you. He likely hadn't had a pleasant conversation with a human in a long time.

The other man, whom you assumed was also an android, stepped around Simon. "Thank you," he said sincerely. You looked up at him more properly this time. He had a kind smile, but tightness around his cheeks, suggesting he had some hasty repairs done in the past.

His eyes-

-one was mossy green and the other was pale blue.

You swallowed roughly, starting to recognize this stranger. It was Markus, the leader of the deviants, the face of the resolution. You didn't want to make it obvious that you recognized him, and did your best to maintain a stoic expression.

As much as you wanted to say something - you weren't quite what that would be - you also didn't want to put him on the spot. He likely had to deal with this sort of unwanted attention all the time.

"Just a second - gonna go grab that audio component," you explained, stepping away from them to head for the storage room.

Before rummaging around for the piece, you sent Connor a quick message. "will be a little late - guy came in with a fucked up ear," you had said, pressing send and tucking your phone back into your pocket to pull out the right piece for Simon's model.

As you approached them, component in hand, you called out, "Simon, can you sit down here, please?" You stepped around a chair, patting the armrest. The android shuffled over nervously. He took a seat, alert, facing you. He was sitting upright, hands in his lap.

"If it's alright, can you lay down? It'll make it easier," you requested.

Simon blinked slowly, looking uneasy. Markus' hand fell onto his shoulder for a moment.

"It's gonna be fine," he promised gently.

Simon shot Markus a look of understanding before shifting around, leaning back in the chair, presenting his damaged ear to you.

"Can you open your panel?" you requested softly.

Simon nodded, a little more fiercely than was necessary, likely to show you that he heard your request. The panel around his ear unhinged, allowing you to prop it open. You poked the edge with one of your tools to carefully push it aside, exposing the component underneath.

It was cracked right down the center.

"I'm gonna remove the broken one now," you explained, leaning in with a tool in either hand. Simon was still as you worked, his eyes focused on Markus, who was watching you. He didn't look untrusting or uneasy, and that gave you some relief.

"This new one will need a firmware update," you said gently as you slotted the replacement in and lined up the connectors. Simon flinched a little at the sensation. You folded the artificial tissue back over and leaned back, giving the android space to sit up.

He was quiet for a moment, LED flickering yellow as he downloaded the firmware update. Luckily, someone had taken ownership of Cyberlife's firmware servers in order to keep them running.

Simon sat up when it was complete, turning his head to look at you. "Diagnostics are reading normal," he stated.

"Is the audio input working normally?" you asked. Simon made a thoughtful expression. "Can you hear me alright?" you added on, mainly to help him judge the input feedback.

"Yes," the android replied softly. "Thank you," he added on, looking at you with a smile.

He looked so sincere, as if he hadn't expected such kindness. It melted you.

"Simon, actually, I can do the shell tonight, if you don't mind?" you offered.

"I've already kept you," Simon blurted.

"No, I can't let you leave like that," you explained. "Please?"

"I-" Simon stammered. "I should be saying 'please'."

"You..." you began, trailing off as you wondered if the words that threatened to leave your lips were inappropriate. "You got hurt at one of the protests, didn't you?" you asked gently.

Simon looked uneasy. Markus, however, was fierce. "Yes," he replied for the PL600.

You nodded in understanding. "I want to help," you whispered.

It was the first thing that came to mind. You wanted to help. You wanted to make it better, in whatever way you could. You could repair androids. You could diagnose their damages. That was all you could do.

"Okay," Simon suddenly said, sounding much more comfortable than he did a few minutes ago.

You smiled and rotated around to the end table nearest you. The tools you needed, extra membranous materials and plastic shell casing molds, were there. You pulled everything out and set them on the table nearby.

"Your model doesn't follow a protocol for the skeleton-base," you explained, information Simon likely already knew about himself. He was an older model, meant to be discontinued. That knowledge only made the situation harder. "So, I'll have to take my time. Ready?"

The android nodded and turned his head to give you room to work. In the corner of your eye, as you leaned over Simon, you could see Markus in the corner of your eye, an expression that looked like 'thank you' on his face.

"May I ask your name?" Simon uttered at some point.

You gave it softly, seeing as you were right next to his ear, poking and prodding at the artificial flesh there.

"Why did you suggest a manual repair and not a full shell replacement?" Markus asked, sounding more curious than judgmental.

"It's really hard to get shells, especially for smaller parts. We're lucky we have any pieces," you explained. "-and I guess I've done this enough that it doesn't bother me..."

'-like some of the other nurses' you almost said. You decided to hold your tongue.

"You've been doing this for a while?" Markus asked, almost hesitant.

"I suppose so," you answered quietly. You had gone to school for biomechanical engineering fresh out of high school and went straight to work repairing damages androids. It was potentially the most depressing time of your life; but, you had a childhood that conquered that.

The androids were quiet after that, letting you work in silence, if not for the overhead fan making annoying buzzing sounds.

"There we go," you groaned, sitting up and briefly stretching your bag. You set your tools down and fetched a hand mirror, offering it to Simon.

Markus walked around to take a look.

"I feel silly," Simon chuckled, looking at his reflection. You joined in his laughter, recognizing he meant the mirror and the vanity it was implying.

"Looks good as new," Markus commented with a smile.

Simon offered the mirror back to you. "I don't know if 'thank you' is good enough," he uttered, looking bashful. He didn't seem like the same man that walked in those doors an hour ago.

"It is, Simon," you offered with a smile. "I choose to do this."

Markus' multi-colored eyes landed on you. "There are many damaged androids afraid to come here. If I can get them to put their faith in you, would you be willing to go to them?"

You gawked up at Markus, who looked down at you with confidence.

"I don't know if I could get approval for that - the parts, I mean. I would try, if you believe they would want it? -from a human, anyway..."

Markus' head tilted slightly and his eyes darkened with concern. "I want us to work together with humans - I want them to see that it's possible - that there can be peace."

You smiled at Markus; but, the first android that came to mind was Connor. You felt your cheeks warm at the thought of what you had almost said to him earlier.

"You recognize me, don't you?" Markus asked suddenly, catching you off guard.

"I do, Markus," you replied carefully.

"-you still offered to help?" Simon uttered. Your eyes shifted to him for a moment. He seemed uneasy, likely expecting more hostility towards the leader of the deviants, regardless of your profession.

"I don't-" you began, breaking off when you realized you didn't know where you were going with that thought.

"I've seen androids torn to pieces," you started, looking back to Markus. "I've had them delivered to me crying that they don't want to die... I came back here because of this - because of the revolution. I wanted to do something I could be proud of for a change..."

It felt strange-

-admitting this to Markus.

He had a way with people, making them want to open up to him.

"I understand the risk you're taking," Markus stated. "I won't ask you to come if I don't feel it's safe... I hope I'll see you again."

You nodded and watched the boys leave, hoping that Markus would return.

...

...

...

When you finally staggered into Connor's apartment that night, the android was seated at the island, folders, papers, photographs and documents, scattered along the surface in front of him.

He turned his head a little to acknowledge you when you walked in before immediately craning his neck back down, eyes falling back to the document in front of him.

"Hey," you hummed, walking over to him. You leaned over his shoulder and pressed a kiss against his LED.

"Hey," he replied back, leaning into the kiss. You couldn't help but laugh at how silly the word sounded coming out of his mouth. It didn't quite the suit the prim and proper detective.

"Thank you for agreeing to stay here," Connor said, sincere.

"Why would I say no to an opportunity to spend more time with you?" you huffed. "Besides, your place is nicer than mine and closer to work."

"I'm glad to know you're benefiting."

You hummed, a little irritated by his response. "You think I'm inconvenienced?"

"In a way, yes," he replied, in a tone that seemed distant.

"I'm not inconvenienced - geez, what's gotten into you?" you snapped a little.

Connor looked up at you, discomfort dashing behind his eyes. "I-..." he trailed off, looking back down at his papers.  He dragged a hand through his hair. His fingers lingered briefly at the back of his neck before lowering back down to the counter.

"I'm sorry. I'm not handling this as well as I thought."

"The protests?" you offered softly.

The android didn't nod, nor answer. His eyes shifted away uneasily for a moment before moving back to you. It wasn't exactly a yes, but that seemed to be part of his trouble, at least.

"They're challenging your livelihood," you proclaimed. "You have every right to be upset."

"I made a choice against my creators; but..." Connor trailed off, his confidence waning for a moment. "This time, I have to be on both sides."

Connor felt as torn as he did back then. He wanted freedom for himself, for his people. He was fortunate to have a place to call his home, a job where he could find purpose. He wanted his people to have those things, too.

But, he feared the consequences of an uprising, of the human lives that would be lost. He still cared about humans. Maybe that was because of Hank - because of you. Maybe some part of his programming never quite left him.

You didn't know what to do - what to say. You wanted to embrace him and pull him away from that mess, just for a little bit; however, Connor turned away from you and buried his nose back into the pile of paperwork.

He wanted to confide in you; but, at the same time, he didn't. You had your own challenges, your own problems. He didn't want to add to that list. He didn't want to be one of the things that brought stress into your life.

"I'll-... be back in a second," you quietly, feeling small as you stepped away.

Connor's bedroom was as welcoming as you remembered and impeccably clean. You set your bags against the wall next to the archway that led into his bathroom. You brushed your teeth and changed into some comfy clothes, brushed your hair back, washed your face.

You returned to the kitchen and approached Connor. He looked up at you, hearing the quiet tapping of your bare feet on the floor. When his eyes lands landed on you, he looked conflicted.

"You know I believe in you... right?" you whispered, leaning against the counter nearest him.

He rotated around so that his lap was no longer tucked beneath the island's overlap. You decided to take that as an invitation and approached, standing a little closer, right in front of his knees.

"I like to imagine that. But, it feels better hearing you say it," he said quietly, like he was confessing to something outlandish.

"We'll get through this," you added on.

He looked away suddenly, lips tightening. You reached for him and cupped his cheek, pinkie and ring finger over the edge of his sharp jawline. Connor's eyes, warm, brown, shining in the bright kitchen lights, flickered back up to your face.

"I want to do this with you, Connor," you proclaimed proudly. "They're wrong about androids. Their views may never change, but that doesn't mean we can't strive for the future."

"This... isn't your fight," he said quietly, doubt flickering in his gaze. His brow lowered slightly. Your hand slid off his cheek and you frowned.

"It's my fight if I want it to be... and I do," you replied firmly, voice rising slightly.

"I don't want-" Connor stammered, frustration mingled with fear in his eyes.

"It's not just about you," you interrupted him sharply. "I care about androids - I did before I met you. I want to help. I-..." You trailed off, realizing you were mad at him for being worried about your safety. "I'm sorry for snapping at you, but-"

"No, you're right," he said hoarsely. "I shouldn't try to control you."

"That's not what this is!" you almost shouted, arms trembling at your sides. "I worry about you, too... -about what could happen. You're on the frontlines for fucks sake. But, you're a fighter and I don't want to change that. I love that about you..."

Connor was afraid that if his hands touched you, he wouldn't be able to let go. So, he kept them to himself, and soaked in your expression. He knew you cared about androids. He had witnessed it on more than one occasion. He didn't want to make light of your sacrifice.

But, still...

He felt so-

-selfish.

"You... amazed me, when I saw you risk your safety for androids - for people you didn't know, people who aren't... human," he confessed quietly. "You put yourself in danger," he said lowly, breaking off to roughly drag a hand across his face, pulling at his skin gently in frustration.

"-drives me crazy..."

He said it low, quiet, as if he wasn't sure he wanted you to hear it. He sounded both enamored and annoyed at the same time.

"You drive me crazy," you retorted softly with a smile.

You wanted him to reach out to you, to give you a kiss goodnight, or at least take your hand for a second. But, Connor didn't look like he wanted to be touched.

"I'm... gonna let you get back to work... Goodnight, Connor."

Connor nodded, uttering, "goodnight," and watched you leave. He returned to his case files and tried really hard to focus on the task at hand. His hand fumbled on the surface of the counter, fingers flexing, tightening, flexing again. He chewed his bottom lip for a second. Maybe asking you to stay here was a bad idea, if it meant he couldn't think straight.

He looked through the photos of suspects believed to be involved in the protest this morning, the one that resulted in some assaults on androids. He wanted to analyze their faces so he could remember them when searching security footage.

It wasn't easy for an android to forget a face.

It shouldn't have been easy for an android to get distracted; however, he was really struggling in that moment.

"...damn it," he growled at himself, tearing away from the counter and rising to his feet. He walked into the bedroom, trying to make careful footsteps while simultaneously not giving a fuck. He walked over to the side of the bed that you had taken a liking to.

He knew you weren't asleep. Your breathing pattern was too rough. But, he didn't care. Connor leaned over and pressed a kiss against your forehead and pretended he didn't notice the way your lips twitched against the pillow.

Just like that, he felt better, and returned to his mountain of paperwork with ease.

#connor x reader #deviant connor x reader #deviant connor #dbh fanfic #rk800 x reader #rk800 smut #connor smut

[blvirz]

Living Life Through a Lens: Chapter Nine

Chapter 9: Is This Real Life?

Word Count: 1.7K

Warnings: None

gif.

A/N: Hello! Just to make things clear, in this chapter were back to present day and but still in Jennie’s POV. As always, thank you for reading(: 

[11:23 PM NZST]

          You were lying on the bed with your members. After telling them where Y/N had taken you and her question about whether the flirting was real, they only seemed to have more questions. Rose asked first, followed by Lisa and then finally Jisoo.

“Unnie, I don’t think it’s a good idea to keep lying to both Y/N and yourself. She’s nice and deserves to know, why haven’t you told her?”

“I can’t believe she kissed Y/N, how come you don’t kiss me unnie? But I agree with Rosé, you should tell her soon.”

“Jennie it’s okay if you like her. Why didn’t you tell her when she asked?”

Hours of back and forth, they eventually fell asleep. This wasn’t the first conversation about the topic and you could tell they were getting fed up; to be honest, you were too. Though it wasn’t as easy as they were making it out to be. You wanted to be honest, but how could you tell a girl you had only just got to know that you had a crush on her? Or that you’ve seen her before? Would she like you back? Would she think you were stalking her? Would it make your business relationship awkward? As time went on, only more questions seemed to pop up. Y/N was always honest and upfront with you. Surely you could do the same, right?

Unable to get a goodnights rest due to the stress, you wondered how you were awake still and in a good mood. Whether it was the built-up stress or your lack of sleep you decided it was time to tell Y/N. You didn’t want to lie anymore. So quietly getting out of bed and trying not to wake up the rest of the members you went over to Y/N’s room. What do I have to lose? Like you said when you left Paris, you couldn’t let her slip away again like you had during Paris Fashion Week.

[12:29 AM NZST]

As soon as you knocked on the door you could feel your chest tighten, your heart beat a little faster and the sound of a ringing noise growing in your ears. You thought if you ran fast enough, you could make it to your room and Y/N wouldn’t have known it was you. But snapping back into reality you couldn’t act now and started pacing on the spot. With no plan and no idea what to say, the door opened. An exhausted looking Y/N appeared, and she hid herself behind the door before she noticed who it was. When she finally recognized you, her eyes widened and she was saying something, but you couldn’t hear it. The ringing noise that was in your ears had grown so loud that the only way you could stop it was to speak yourself, “I lied,” was all that came out, and instantly you stared at the ground feeling ashamed.

Your brain was screaming for you to move but you couldn’t, your feet were planted firmly on the ground. With the ringing noise now cut out, you heard, “what are you going on about? Are you okay? Come inside.” You felt her soft fingers close around your wrist and a pull causing your legs to follow at once. When Y/N closed the door, you felt the warmth of the room enclose you slowly.

“Should I send Lex to the room? Are the girls okay?” she asked.

Finally speaking you opened your mouth, “the girls are fine…sound asleep I might add. But Y/N I wanted to talk to you about something.”

In a half laugh and half yawn she had a puzzled expression on her face but asked if you wanted to talk on the couch as standing in the corridor of her hotel room was getting tiring. You agreed and finally being able to use your legs, you walked over and sat on the couch next to her.

In a soft tone she asked, “what’s up Jennie? What can I do for you at…12:37 in the morning?” Apart from the time she sounded like a school guidance counselor; asking in the same tone they used when they were concerned.

It’s now or never, you thought. “Earlier when you asked me if all this… if all the flirting, was harmless. I told you that it was and that was the end of it. But Y/N, when you asked me…I told you what my company has trained me to say. What I am supposed to say… regardless of what my own personal feelings might be. Evade and distract is what they call it.”

“Jennie I’m having a hard time following…”

“It wasn’t all harmless Y/N. It was intentional…because I like you. But please don’t feel the need to reciprocate­­–” you cut yourself off to see if she was still listening and because you had no idea what you were going to say next. Everything was silent for what seemed like an eternity, but the words that came out of Y/N’s mouth were ones you’ve heard before, but only in your dreams.

“I like you too Jennie.”

As soon as you heard the words it felt like all the weight on your shoulders had been taken off, but still your heart felt like it was beating a million times per minute. You noticed the colours in the room were instantly brighter and everything around you, was just better in general.

Y/N was the first one to speak after the long silence. “Just one question, when did you fall for my charms?” she joked as she flipped the hair that was hanging over her shoulder.

“That’s a funny story actually…”

You told her about Paris and how you felt so disappointed. She was amused the entire time; but how you managed to get through the story was a whole other mystery because of the way she was looking at you. Her eyes never left you for a second, even when you got to the embarrassing parts and covered your face. She would pull your arms back every time you tried to hide, insisting that she wanted to see. Was this really happening?

“So you’ve seen me before and you didn’t tell me this whole time?!” she asked wide eyed and in disbelief.

“What was I supposed to say! I wanted to meet you so bad after that, but I couldn’t exactly see you randomly. Our circles were so close yet so far back then.”

“Everything you just said was perfect, but had I met you earlier I don’t think we would be like this.”

“Why not?”

Y/N hesitated, and it seemed like she wanted to take back what she started but continued on anyway. “I was still with my ex back then. And as pretty as you are to me, my brain would have automatically saw you as a friend. I’m loyal to a fault, but I’m also glad it worked out this way.”

In the whirlwind of confessions and old stories you had forgotten about Y/N’s ex and seeing how she hesitated at the thought of her, it was something you weren’t sure either of you were ready to talk about. But on the other hand, you needed to know before you could start anything. Admitting you liked Y/N was the first step, but what was to come after was uncharted territory. Despite your fears you asked anyway, “I’m sorry I know it’s a sensitive topic but about your ex…I’m– I would never ask you to move on if you weren’t ready, but before starting anything I need to know that things are over.”

Searching for an answer in her eyes while also trying to be sympathetic you noticed she didn’t hesitate this time, “No don’t apologize! I should have cleared things up for you. I don’t want to bore you with the details but… before I took this job, I had walked in on her cheating on me. It was such a shock that I didn’t give myself time to process. The only thing I did know was that it was over, but because we never officially had a serious conversation about our breakup, I’m having trouble with the closure part.”

You were surprised to hear what actually went down between Y/N and her ex. The media had a field day reporting about their relationship; mentioning cheating and a whole bunch of other issues to be the cause of their breakup. But you never believed any of it because you too, had been a victim of the tabloids. So, with all of the reports you chose to ignore them.

You thought back to the day of the documentary press release when a reporter had asked Y/N about her breakup. It wasn’t anyone’s business and it had nothing to do with your upcoming project, so how could they ask her that? The look of sadness on her face made you angry, and so you distracted the media by turning on your mic and answering another question. The feeling of being helpless and unable to take her sadness away was something you refused to feel again.

“So where does that leave us?” you asked.

“Let’s take things slow. I don’t want to rush into labels or anything just yet. As much as I am into you, I want to know more and see more.”

Her emphasis on the word ‘see’ shocked you immediately. You could feel yourself tense up while you blushed, and your eyes widened at the same time. When she noticed your reaction, only then did she realize what she said and how it was taken out of context. “I meant to say that I would like see more with you! Or experience more with you.”

Wanting to throw her for a loop, you let out a sigh and nonchalantly said, “well that’s too bad… I was perfectly fine with what you said before.”

Her reaction was the same as yours just seconds ago, and in the midst of your laughter you could’ve sworn you heard her ask, “Is this real life?”

Chapter Ten - HERE

#blackpink imagines #jennie kim #lalisa manoban #Blackpink Rosé #Jisoo #blackpink scenarios

[artxmisery]

ANSWER THEM A L L L LL LL L H AH HAHHEHAHEHAHAHAHAH HAH AHH AHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HAH AHA HAHAHHAHAHA

Here we go! 1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? No reason, in particular, just the fact that my life is a confusing mess.

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? Not really, no.

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? Yes, but mostly because I’d be concerned for their safety.

4: Do you find it easy to trust others? Hell no.

5: What were you doing at 11 PM last night? Failing quite badly at sleep.

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? Hopefully a friend.

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? Cut ties and tell them to do better next time.

8: Are you close with your dad? Eh, relatively.

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? God, I wish. Sort of.

10: What are you listening to? The Silent Confessions album by sad boy with a laptop

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? Plain old water.

12: Do you like hickeys? Not particularly.

13: What time do you go to bed? Before midnight, if I’m lucky.

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? Nope.

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? More or less.

16: Do you always answer your texts? In time, yes.

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? No.

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? A minute or two ago.

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? Most of my friends tbh.

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? I haven’t the foggiest.

21: Is anyone else in the room with you? Nope.

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? Absolutely.

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? For sure.

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? A little bit.

25: In the past week, have you cried? Yep.

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? Grey.

27: Do people ever call you by your last name? Once in a blue moon, yeah.

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? I hope not.

29: Do you have a best friend? Not one person in particular, no.

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? Not particularly.

31: Who was your last call/text message from? My mum.

32: Are you mad at anyone? Myself.

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? A few times.

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

35: How many more days until your birthday? 167.

36: Do you have any summer plans yet? Stay inside. And that’s about it...

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? Yeah.

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? Perhaps.

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? Absolutely.

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? Not really.

41: Do you think age matters in relationships? Depends on the context. Most of the time, yes.

42: Are you available? Quite.

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? A few.

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? Nose, probably.

45: Do you believe exes can be friends? Absolutely.

46: Do you regret anything? Nearly everything I’ve ever done.

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? Entirely too much.

48: Did you ever lose a best friend? Sort of, but not really.

49: Was your last kiss a mistake? No.

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? Assorted reasons, mostly because I’m a coward and it’s complicated.

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? Yes.

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? Yes.

53: What was the last thing you ate? Fried rice with an egg over the top.

54: Did you get any compliments today? Not really.

55: Where are you going on your next vacation? I don’t know yet.

56: Do you own anything from other countries? Quite a bit, even if we’re only talking souvenir-type stuff.

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls? Guys, I guess.

58: Where have you lived most of your life? Washington.

59: When was the last time you took a long drive? A couple days ago.

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? Once or twice, yeah.

61: Have you ever TP’d someone’s house? House? No.

62: Who do you text the most? Text? My immediate family, probably. Discord, who knows.

63: What was the last movie you saw? I honestly don’t recall, it’s been a long time.

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? Ahahahahaha...

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011? None.

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you? Yes.

67: Do you curse around your parents? I try not to.

68: Are you happy with where you live? More or less, but there are definitely places I’d rather live.

69: Picture of yourself? Nah.

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships? Depends on the context, but I think that a healthy open relationship could 100% work.

71: Have you ever been dumped? Not really.

72: What do you most like about making out? Physical intimacy.

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with? Maybe once? But no, not really.

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other? Generally the other.

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive? Eyes, most of the time.

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed? A friend of mine.

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour? Nope.

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name? Nope.

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? Depends on the person, but most of the time probably not.

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? A few times.

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush? I certainly hope not.

83: Do you miss your last sweetie? A good deal.

84: Last time you slow danced with someone? A couple of months now? I think?

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met? Nope.

86: How can I win your heart? Just existing is sufficient most of the time. Kindness helps.

87: What is your astrological sign? Capricorn.

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM? Failing quite badly at sleep.

89: Do you cook? A few times a week.

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? No.

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? Somewhat, yeah.

92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly? I generally stick to one relationship to see if it works out.

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? Not many, honestly.

94: Name four things that you wish you had! The ability to shapeshift. Or go back in time. Significantly more money. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

95: Are you a player? Nope.

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day? Once or twice

.97: Are you a tease? Sometimes.

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr? Don’t think so.

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? Yes.

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with? Absolutely.

101: Hugs or Kisses? Hugs.

102: Are you too shy to ask someone out? Always.

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Their voice, generally.

104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe? Can be.

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in a relationship, would you go for it? Depends on if I know them and their partner(s). Generally, no.

106: Do you flirt a lot? Sometimes.

107: Your last kiss? It happened, yes.

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012? Yes.

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month? I wish.

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be? [redacted]

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next? Nope.

112: Does someone like you currently? I doubt it, but I can hope.

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone? Yep.

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? Serious, all the way.

115: Ever made out with just a friend? The ones I have didn’t stay that way long, one way or another.

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship? I think it generally goes the other way around, honestly.

117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#food cw #food mention #long post #very long post

[alabastertouch]

dreaming of you | I

Character/s: Kang Younghyun/Young K x OC

Genre: Angst, fluff

Warning/s: Mentions of death

Summary: Younghyun had always found his supernatural gift a blessing. his visions are usually euphoric.

What is he to do when he sees someone’s life dissipating right in front of his eyes?

Author’s note: This is also posted on ao3!! Updates will be slow so please be patient!

Kang Younghyun is a dreamer.

Literally, that is. Every night when he sleeps, he has a smile on his face knowing that he is about to watch a happy ending take place, and all only for him to witness.

The first of these series of dreams was with his father, who was in a comatose during that time after falling down from three flights of stairs. Younghyun was only nine, and he doesn’t know what those dreams meant. What he can recall was that his father went downstairs to watch the football game on the living room.

The next day, his mother received a phone call that his father had woken up after a month of sleep.

Once is a chance, twice is a coincidence, and third time is a pattern.

So, when Younghyun continues dreaming of returning to his hometown in Ilsan to visit his relatives with a feast as a surprise and his older friend Sungjin getting married in the middle of winter, he is not surprised anymore, for he knows it was all about to happen.

He even predicted that Sungjin was going to propose to Nayeon.

“You’ve bought the ring already, hyung?”

Sungjin did not ponder anymore, believing that Younghyun just has a knack of knowing things earlier from the others.

Younghyun had used his power to tease his friends. There were rare moments that he had dreamt of them, and if he ever did, he just kept it to his advantage. He knew that Wonpil will win the talent show, beating even the best performers of the university, and that ex-lovers Jinyoung and Jisoo will get back together after said talent show. He had seen it all, and even if a heads-up would have been nice, he still left fate in its own hands.

Younghyun was nineteen when his parents had bought a house in Seoul. It was solely for the sake of him going to college, and even if he had tried to stop his parents by telling them he could have stayed in the school lodging, they did not let him. Younghyun is their only child, and letting him go would be too difficult for them to handle.

And that was the time when he was introduced to Kim Jiae.

Younghyun remembers that day like it was yesterday. Jiae was shy, but he also watches how independent she was from an early age. Although two years younger than him, she had always been the leader between the two of them, and because their parents always hanged out together, they stuck together like two peas in a pod.

That was, of course, until Jackson heard (key: eavesdropped) that Jiae likes Younghyun.

“Hey, stop that!” Younghyun remembered eighteen-year-old Jiae trying to deny, yet her crimson cheeks gave it all out.

“You told Nayeon that you like Younghyun hyung!” Jackson was a prankster, and this one prank of his had taken things too far.

Jiae did not really make it a secret that she liked Younghyun. She would always go out of his way to buy him carped bread, and she would always him to eat street food with her. Younghyun found her enthusiasm a breath of fresh air, but he could never see her as anything more.

He told her exactly that, so she distanced from him.

It had been five years since then, and while it is inevitable for them to find each other judging that they are neighbors, they still choose to ignore each other’s existence. One always intentionally lag behind just so they won’t have to ride the subway together, and if Jiae found Younghyun walking on his way home, she would walk slowly on purpose, avoiding him like he is bearing some type of a disease.

Younghyun thought he was giving her time to recover from the rejection, but with her taking too much, their friendship had already been greatly affected.

“You might want to go to Mr. Jin right now, Mark,” Younghyun warns his friend as soon as he arrives in the classroom. “He has your grades, and he’s not looking very amused right now.”

“Oh, shit,” the usually composed Mark hurries on his way out, and once he is back, he will probably beat the crap out of Younghyun. Those grades will determine whether Mark will be graduating with his friends or not, and with Younghyun’s sweet dream last night, he is sure that everyone will be in a festive mood.

“He passed, right?” Jaebeom is one of the few believers of Younghyun’s premonitions. The guy’s exterior might seem rough on the edges, but he is a softie who listens to his friends’ every word.

“Oh, yes,” Younghyun smiles widely. “We’ll be drinking tonight, alright.”

“Finally,” Jaebeom claps victoriously. “Should we call the others tonight, too?”

“Why not? They’re all in vacation mode already, anyway,” he laughs as he remembers how Dowoon had hit his drumstick all over the hallway, almost breaking some glasses, and how Wonpil innocently threw all of his French readings on the trash bin, clearing his locker out with a bright smile.

“Are Jae hyung and Sungjin coming?” Jaebeom questions. “Or are they too busy living their lives as adults?”

“Oh, you know they miss uni,” Younghyun sighs longingly. “And it seems like Sungjin hyung can’t miss uni at all. His wife is still a student after all.”

“They look so happy, don’t they?” Jaebeom flashes a gummy smile, and Younghyun’s response to it is interrupted by Mark’s howls as soon as he enters the lecture hall.

“I’m graduating, y’all!” Everyone applauds him, because after all, used-to-be delinquent Mark Tuan is graduating. It shows that it will never be too late to change just as long as you pour your heart out to it.

“We’re all happy,” Younghyun smiles. “I hope it will always stay that way.”

“Oh, come on, Jiae, it would be fun!” Jimin convinces the homebody Jiae inside the library. “Mark is graduating, finally, and you’ll just stay in your room?”

“I’m happy for Mark,” Jiae groans as she shuts the book close. “But you know Younghyun would be there, right?”

“Jiae, that was centuries ago!” Jimin complains.

“It was only five years ago,” Jiae clarifies.

“My point is, that was a long time ago,” Jimin scoffs. “You should have gotten over that by now, and I bet he had forgotten about it already! It’s time for you two to start anew.”

“Well,” Jiae swallows bitterly, knowing that Jimin is right. It’s time that she looks past the teenage crush she had harbored on her good-looking neighbor-slash-college senior.

It was natural for them to go to the same university of course, as it was the nearest to both of their houses. Yet, it only made it difficult for Jiae to move on from Younghyun fully.

“Fine,” Jiae grumbles as she takes her eyeglasses off.

“Great!” Jimin exclaims in delight. “How are we going to go there, by the way?”

“Well,” Jiae ponders. “I guess I can borrow Dad’s car.”

“Sweet,” Jimin claps in excitement. “We’re getting our own ride!”

Younghyun is awaken by sirens from outside his home. In panic, he jumps off the bed, peeking outside the window to see Jiae’s parents talking to a police officer. Her mother runs back inside the house, and Younghyun could see that Mr. Kim is trying his best to stand firm.

He turns to the digital clock on his bedside table. 10:52 PM.

“Had I missed Mark’s party?” He shuffles back to bed in confusion, checking his phone to see the barrage of messages and missed calls.

Jae | 9:31 PM Dude, where are you?

Wonpil | 9:45 PM Hyung, are you home, right now? Pick up the phone

Mark | 10:01 PM Dude, stay wherever you are. Don’t go anywhere.

Jaebeom | 10:27 PM We’re coming over to your home right now

He does not get the context of every message. It appears that each of them are in a strange sense of urgency to which he needs answers to.

The last message he had received was from Jimin, but it was still sending him mixed signals.

Jimin | 10:38 PM I shouldn’t have let her drove alone. This is all my fault.

“Younghyun!” Jae is the first to barge in his bedroom door and finds his younger friend’s shell-shocked expression.

“What is going on?” His voice quivers, questioning everything that is going on.

“Have you been sleeping all along?” Mark exhales sharply.

“Yeah, I was,” Younghyun replies. “What’s up?”

“Jiae,” Nayeon looks down on the floor, tears brimming her eyes. Sungjin has to coax his wife into calming down, still unable to feed Younghyun’s confusion.

“What happened to Jiae?” Younghyun’s voice grows higher in anxiety. His mind is not at ease, because how can it be when everyone is crying as if Jiae is gone?

Wait…

“She suffered a fatal car crash,” Sungjin answers in Nayeon’s stead. “Ji is gone.”

Younghyun blinks, everything finally making sense to him. His eyes detect everyone’s faces. There is no hint of humor at all… only regret, sorrow, and pain. Younghyun feels his body collapse back to his bed, his consciousness slowly seeping away from.

“Hey, Younghyun, wake up! Don’t do this!” Jaebeom tries to pull his arm up to no avail. He is being eaten alive by guilt of not talking to Jiae for the past five years, and his strength had advancedly lost.

“Younghyun, wake up!” Jaebeom’s voice begins to fade into nothing, no matter how many times he repeats.

“Kang Younghyun, wake up!”

“Younghyun, get up!”

“Younghyun!”

“Kang Younghyun!”

His eyes open alertly, shooting up as soon as the voice succeeds in getting him up.

“Finally!” Younghyun’s eyes turn vigilantly to the one who woke him up, who is not Lim Jaebeom at all.

“Jae hyung?” Younghyun mumbles in astonishment. “What are you doing here?”

“Taking you to Mark’s party! What else?” Jae throws a leather jacket on him. “Hurry up, it’s getting late.”

“Wait,” Younghyun whispers to himself, grabbing the clock on the bedside table. 8:25 PM.

“What the actual—” Younghyun hops out of the bed, checking the vicinity outside his house.

No police cars or anything, just the silver sedan of Jiae’s father.

“Dude, you’re sweating,” Jae points out. “What’s going on?”

Younghyun ignores Jae’s calls as he clumsily hurries downstairs, hastily wearing a pair of flip-flops before trudging to the house across the street.

He heads to the door, pressing the bell impatiently and in apprehension.

It finally opens, revealing Jiae’s mother looking at Younghyun in worry.

“Oh, hello, son, are you okay?”

“Auntie, is Jiae here?” Younghyun breathes shortly.

“Yes, she’s actually just on her way to your friend’s party. Do you want to go there with her? She’ll be driving her father’s car.” Just after Mrs. Kim says that, Jiae walks to the entryway of their house.

“Mom?” Jiae looks at her mother, and then to the guest present. “Younghyun? Shouldn’t you already be at Mark’s party?”

Younghyun shakes his head as he feels an impending ache.

“Please,” he coughs as he holds onto his head.

“Younghyun? Younghyun, will you please calm down?” Jiae tries to calm him down before calling Jae from across the street.

“Don’t drive to the party,” Younghyun finally manages to say out loud, perplexing Jae and Jiae.

“What?” Jiae tilts her head in question. “Why not?”

“Don’t,” it was all Younghyun can say to her. She will not believe him if he told her, anyway.

“We can just bring Ji along,” Jae suggests cautiously, trying to ease his friend from whatever it is that is causing him to be like this. “Let’s just go together on the party, alright?”

“Sure,” Jiae shrugs as she fishes for the car keys in her bag and returns it to her mother.

“Would that be fine to you, Younghyun?” Jae slowly inquires, knowing the odd position he and Jiae are having for the past few years.

“Yes,” Younghyun calms down at last. “That would be for the best.”

#kreativenetwork #day6 scenario #day6 angst #day6 fic #day6 imagines #youngk fic #youngk scenario #youngk angst #day6 youngk #day6 au #day6 fanfic

[jchichibu]

Things that God told me.

Hi, this took me a little long to pen down. It’s not because I’m too busy or I’m procrastinating – but simply because I am someone who tends to rank priorities wrongly. Penning down my thoughts about my 7-month journey in SOT (School of Theology) was something I was tasked by Lester, but something I really wanted to do even before he asked for it. Take it as a reminder for me, and take it as a 17-minute read of my 7-month endeavour for anyone who is interested.

My name is Jasmine, better known as Chichibu or CCB (Titus 1:15 lol) and I am 24 this year (it’s still 2018 as of 6:43 PM 31 December 2018 as I pen this on my way home from Malacca on the coach :P). I graduated from City Harvest Church’s School of Theology Class of 2018, and the course began from 26 Feb and I graduated on 30 Sep. As quoted by one of my favourite persons in my life Claria, I am certainly the “last person ever you will think of going SOT”. True, SOT never once crossed my mind even being in church since I was 16 and every year they ask you to tell your neighbours “Join SOT!”, but I never wanted to, or never thought I needed to. Throughout my Christian walk, the OG and most tangible thing was the love of God. I was never the most holy, most spiritual, most caring, most enthusiastic person for Christ and I might feel somewhat stagnant in my walk (but I was contented honestly). I was becoming lukewarm. I forget to read the Bible, spurt vulgarities or flash finger signals I probably should never ever have, think or covet for things I should not and did things I’m not proud of. I sometimes would not want to show I am a Christian because I don’t want people to think badly of Christianity. I am just not a standard girl you would expect to want to go SOT.

However, a week before the closing of registration of SOT I had a push from God to join SOT. I went for a jog and I remembered clearly at the uphill of Toh Tuck Rise I made a decision to register for SOT. Yea, people who are not from my church will think I really sot, I just got lifted my burdens of having 4 private tutees out of my full time job, and now am I really doing this to myself? To burden myself with SOT, full time job and attempting have a social life? I was also motivated to have my routine of working out every morning and even had plans to sign up something with Ling Hui at the gym. SOT is a commitment and yes, I have to wake up at 7 AM everyday for SOT at 8.45 AM and end work generally when the sky is dark. Ok la obviously I just yolo-ed and ‘took a leap of faith’, said goodbye to chill 2018 and registered for SOT!!! Through it all I know that God will carry me through and nothing is too hard for Him. Though at that moment I really can’t believe I’m doing this to myself.

I am not going write about what SOT is about, but I am going to pen my revelations. I did keep a dated record of things that spoke to me throughout my journey and I hope some of these will relate to some of you and serve as a reminder for me as the year closes. Hopefully the (long) introduction above gave you some sort of context as to who I am, and now I begin: Things that God told me.

1.       It is not by my might that I am saved, or that God loves me. You can rely on Jesus to forgive you, but do not take it for granted. Cheap grace is not what we are looking for here. When God forgives, remember to learn something from it and avoid the mistake again.

2.       Since 16, I recalled every moment that I prayed for something, gets it eventually and forget that it was God. Countless times with my knees bent worshipping God in SOT, I was reminded of how smooth my life has been. I remember when I was 18, I was praying to get into a local university because my results were not fantastic. I was scared. But look, I got accepted into my first choices for the 3 local unis. I remember when I was 21, I got into exchange programme without even meeting the critieria of cGPA 3.5 (lol). I remember when I was 22, I was so anxious after my paper because I felt I would fail the paper and that means I will retain and not graduate with my peers (Ely do you remember us drinking Tiger at ahlian? Haha). Look, I scored a D or something in the end but I graduated as planned.

3.       I’ve disappointed God several times, I am in church but I feel like shit, you know. I have had bad days, where I feel freaking unworthy of God to love me and I want to run away. Having the revelation that God has not disappointed me a single time makes me more mindful how mighty He is, and how weak I am, and how much I needed to stop disappointing God. We cannot not sin, truth is, we all have. But we can make a decision everyday to rely on God. The authority to defeat Satan is in me. God loves me so much. So so so so sosoososososososoooooo much what is my next move?

The woman was left alone. Jesus stood up and spoke to her. “Woman, where are they? Does no one condemn you?” “No one, Master.” “Neither do I,” said Jesus. “Go on your way. From now on, don’t sin.” (John 8:9-11)

4.       Learn to wait upon the Lord. Those who know me personally know I am a relatively fast paced person. I do not really like to wait or queue up for things and I speak super quickly.. I know Jeremiah 29:11 very well but I still plan things for myself anyway. Is this lack of faith/disbelief in God that I am experiencing? But I know God has a plan for me. You see, it gets very conflicting, for fear that my impatience will ‘spoil’ God’s good plans for me. As 2019 becomes less fast paced and I become older, may I calm my tits down and tarry in the Lord. It means to stay longer than expected and be patient in hope. Because for the record, God’s plans has always been good to me – when I see the big picture now for the uncertainties I felt in the past, everything makes sense. I need to truly believe that God will provide, God is truly the overseer of my life, God’s timing will come.

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. (Matthew 6:33)

5.       Be thankful to God and always be. If you are thankful, you will always find your way back to Jesus. Take thanksgiving to God more seriously, EVERYDAY. And I thank God that every night before I sleep I always have something to be thankful about up.

6.       Right values and right spirit translates to right actions. I’ve learnt to set boundaries for my value system, not everything is okay, even if my free-spirited soul tells me “aiya yolo” countless times. Spirit wise, I need to talk to God more consistently. The Holy Spirit is something I learnt to engage more in SOT, and I need to remember to communicate with it more (considering how slack I was in the past and it has yet become a habit). I am a reflection of my own routine.

7.       To not find ways to see how close I can go without stepping over the line. Instead, think how far I can be from that line. This was mentioned during one of Pastor Ed’s session, struck a chord in me since then. People like me, free-spirited, come-what-may kind of personality, running away from things I deem as fun (but not exactly morally upright) is hard. I crave excitement and adventure. I need to learn, not everything that makes me happy is beneficial for me. I am responsible for my own freedom. Deliberate habitual sinning makes us okay to cross this line and it’s scary. I forget that it is actually not pleasing to God, I forget that it will hurt me, because I’ve gotten used to it, I’ve gotten immune to it. I do not feel bad anymore. And that itself, is toxic.

8.       Repentance, I need to repent from things in my life. Inward change + outward action = repentance. I feel constantly that I’m doing both half-heartedly. It’s hard to truly 100% repent if I continue this way. Deal with the heart problem.

9.       Life is worth living for the Lord. Quit thinking that life without acknowledging is my Saviour is better. I used to have thoughts that life would be better without being a Christian – I don’t have to feel shitty about having done something bad, I can sleep till super late on a Sunday, look my friends who are unchurched are living alright too… I envy them sometimes. Then I realised I need to be secured in my identity in Christ. I am a child of God, and knowing Jesus should be one of the best decisions of my life. Yes, people who do not know God can lead a good life too. But I should not think that knowing God has compromised my happiness and freedom in life. God gave us free-will and there is freedom in Him. Quitting Jesus will likely mean I am not returning.

You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh ; rather, serve one another humbly in love. (Galatians 5:13)

10.   If we think closely about most of the things in our lives, there must be an exchange. I gave the auntie my 3 dollars in exchange for a plate of chicken rice this afternoon. The handicapped uncle busked in the streets in hope that someone could give him some money in exchange for his time. Jesus died in exchange for the forgiveness of our sins. I cannot keep taking for granted that I will go to heaven if I keep doing things not according to the will of God; I need to exchange something. Is it my lack of discipline, is it a person, is it a hobby? Surrender.

11.   My life should not be a paradox. Make my words precious. From my heart, motives and mind, I need to understand why things cannot be done. Does my verbal profession translate to moral obedience?  My life is the most powerful message for people. No one has seen Jesus but they have seen me. Live my life for Christ. Be mindful of what I speak about, don’t say or do things I don’t mean. Treat people genuinely. I should learn to not just receive God’s love, learn to give God some love too by loving His people. He deserves it. When people say my name, what do they say about?

Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear! Those who hear and don’t act are like those who glance in the mirror, walk away, and two minutes later have no idea who they are, what they look like. But whoever catches a glimpse of the revealed counsel of God—the free life!—even out of the corner of his eye, and sticks with it, is no distracted scatterbrain but a man or woman of action. That person will find delight and affirmation in the action. (James 1:22-25)

12.   I can live at my own level of faith. I always categorise my friends as upz and never felt equivalent to them. You see, I don’t speak or edify people so much, I don’t lead people, I speak whatever comes my mind (#uncensored) and I am not a standard example of a holy person. Then I talked to some people I deemed as upz and I realised we are all human beings with real temptations and fears; whatever I face they face too, just differently but we have inadequencies. Maybe I’m just more vocal about these things, but everyone’s fighting their own battles even if they looked perfect on the exterior. I learnt that God did not create robots, but created us in His image… and we can be comfortable with who we are. I do not need to be whoever for God to love me more, God is happy with who I am, as long as I live my life with integrity, offline and online, real life or secret life. I can just stay rooted in Him based on my own pace. God isn’t impressed by human strength. If I want real and divine strength and power, first I have to be weak by the standards of this world. When I’m weak by the standards by the world, then I can get the grace to become strong in God. I need God.

For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of  himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith. (Romans 12:3)

13.   Leadership is not about title, leadership is about influence. Note to self about my life as a teacher or colleague or friend. I want to influence positively, I want to be someone who honours my word, that what I believe in is in sync with how I act out and live out.

14.   God does not waste every experience I face in my life. No one knows the full shit I’ve experienced, the real training that I’ve been through but when the situation calls for it, I can be useful to people around me. Don’t come out of experiences empty-handed, instead bring treasures of darkness.

15.   Read the Bible more, spend time with the Holy Spirit more, pray more. I was forced (ok, at the last feel moments of SOT I was truly forced due to time constraints) to complete the Bible and I realised how much wisdom the Bible has and how little I’ve read it through my years. Contradicting isn’t it? I fail to read the sole thing that was given to me to know God better. As I said earlier, my relationship with God is based on experience – experiencing His love. What if one day I stopped experiencing God’s love during sessions, will I still follow Jesus? The word is indeed important, in times of need I can become a blessing. I beat myself up for the fact that I lost time in my years as a Christian not reading the Bible as much as I should have, but may 2019 be a year where I find time on my own to look deeper into His word and know His word.

Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching. (II Timothy 4:2 NKJV)

Pray until inadequacy leaves me. Pray until my prayer is answered. Pray until my burden is lifted. Be close to the Holy Spirit and ensure that when God knocks at my door, I am available and present to answer it. My thought pattern is developed through years and I need to undo this thought pattern by the Holy Spirit, prayers and word of God.

But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly. (Matthew 6:6)

16.   Make decisions when you are not emotionally unstable. Decisions is rooted in your character. Learn to stop acting on impulse. Learn to say no at times. Align my decisions with the will of God.

17.    Whatever I focus on grows. Become wiser this year about the people, the finances, the health, the things i spend my time on...

Get wisdom—it’s worth more than money; choose insight over income every time. (Proverbs 16:16)

18.   God loves me so much… through SOT, I am certain of the love of God. Now remember this and know that nothing I do or not do can make God love me lesser or more.

19.   I can decide what comes into my heart. Let what is worth it come into your heart.

Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that’s where life starts. (Proverbs 4:23 – 27)

20.   Be secure in myself, no need to strive to prove myself. If I’m good people can see.

21.   If God speaks, will I be willing to listen?

Sooooo, is SOT necessary? To be honest, no. I was so tired at that time, thankful that my dad was able to send me to work straight after SOT at 1 PM. I had no time for myself at all, there was something to do that I cannot cancel everyday. SOT was more of a routine that I learnt to follow, a controlled environment for me to know God more. I had to praise and worship every morning, pray with my peers, read the Bible, complete assignments to graduate. It gave my life some sort of order because everyday I am put in an atmosphere that allows me to meet God. However life after SOT is what really mattered the most. Certainly I got distracted and travelling a lot during my holiday did not help. However, the experiences and revelations in SOT, those are things that cannot be taken away from me... that I just need to regularly be reinforced in my head and heart. My biggest takeaway for me is that nothing will make me leave God and nothing will make God leave me. 

May life after this see me becoming more matured, where I have self-realisation as to what is good and bad for me, having a mature love for God that knows no fear because I’m fully convinced that God loves me sooooo super much. Live life with integrity!

This is by no means a 2019 New Year Resolution post because I don’t want that shit anymore (typing this on 31 Dec simply ‘cuz yo girl kept forgetting to do it since 30 Sep after graduation). I’m sure I am bound to make mistakes and bound to screw up and get lost again in my life time but I just want to live my life to my best. Life never really turn out the way it is planned  – some parts better than you planned, some parts worse than you planned. A general word for 2019 though, Gr. Apokaradokia: To wait with expectation with head raised and eyes fixed over the horizon  –

+ Apo: Means to turn away with concentration. Ignoring other interests.

+ Kara: Means head.

+ Dokia: Means to stretch forward.

Two of my favourite verses throughout my SOT times and have a blessed year ahead.

But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, And don’t take yourself too seriously— take God seriously. (Micah 6:8 MSG)

God , your God, has blessed you in everything you have done. He has guarded you in your travels through this immense wilderness. For forty years now, God , your God, has been right here with you. You haven’t lacked one thing. (Deuteronomy 2:7 MSG)

[littlelovelymemes]

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‘  when i figure out how to die without hurting my mom’s feelings it’s over for me, bitches  ’ ‘  420 stands for “4got 2 0pologize”  ’ ‘  all millennials do is commit minor felonies and be gay  ’ ‘  hoodies are one of the most powerful and underappreciated articles of clothing. cold? put on a hoodie. raining? put on a hoodie. no bra? put on a hoodie. nothing to wear? hoodie. cripplingly low self esteem? you already know. so versatile! so multifaceted!  ’ ‘  i thought christmas was like… next friday or something its in like 3 days fuck  ’ ‘  if you’re not in love with me by 00:00:00 jan 1 then just block me. i don’t need that kind of energy following me into the new year  ’ ‘  who needs ghosts? haunt your own house. wander around your own living room wailing and crying  ’ ‘  my kink is not opening messages and pretending theyre not there  ’ ‘  u know when ur growing out of phases and mindsets but u haven’t found where exactly ur shift in identity is going yet? that’s tonight’s mood  ’ ‘  me @ me: don’t start buddy don’t you dare  ’ ‘  there are people you haven’t met yet who will love you  ’ ‘  god knew what she was doing when she made bruno mars short if he had been tall he would be too powerful  ’ ‘  motivation? haven’t heard of her in years how she doin  ’ ‘  Do you think people with LED headlights know that everyone hates them? Like…really hates them in an oddly personal way? Do you think they know?  ’ ‘  and the final mood for 2017 is: you know those days where you’re like, this might as well happen?  ’ ‘  putting more importance into self care, spirituality, love and peace of mind. start with stretching and deep breathing.  ’ ‘  dont forget to tell someone you love that you love them, thank people who deserve to be thanked, be more patient on people having a hard time, be more considerate, understanding, and be kinder, always.  ’ ‘  do you think in the 1700s there were people who were like nah man Mozart’s a total sellout I only listen to peasants beating things with sticks it’s way more authentic  ’ ‘  2032 is gonna be my year just u wait  ’ ‘  I want a “I made a playlist for you” typa love  ’ ‘  @ 2018 the bar is literally so low  ’ ‘  Just because you don’t look like somebody who you think is attractive doesn’t mean you aren’t attractive. 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What the fuck??”  ’ ‘  my hands? ready to be held  ’ ‘  Catch These Hands! with your hands. we’re holding hands now. this is nice  ’ ‘  kinda weird that u can think about someone as much as u want and they have no idea  ’ ‘  physically, yes, i could fight a bird. but emotionally? imagine the toll  ’ ‘  I would rather wander around a store for 9 hours than ask an employee where something is and this I do not understand  ’ ‘  my childhood, or, as i like to call it, the general abyss with one or two memories attached to it   ’ ‘  i know ‘gay’ isn’t an emotion but let’s be real,,,,,,,,,it kind of is and i feel it 24/7  ’ ‘  babe get ready for a night on the town, i just found an old Subway gift card and there’s still $9.45 left on it  ’ ‘  just because the past didn’t turn out like you wanted it to, doesn’t mean your future can’t be better than you ever imagined  ’ ‘  i’m the person who’s 100% down for spontaneous adventures but also 100% down to lay in bed all day. i’m on both ends of the spectrum  ’ ‘  this year has changed me more than I ever thought it would.   ’ ‘  it’s ok to disappear for a lil while and get your shit together.  ’ ‘  if you wanna love me hmu  ’ ‘  calling me baby makes me so freakin weak  ’ ‘  i’m that one guy on spongebob always screaming about his leg  ’ ‘  remember to drink a fucking shit ton of water every miserable day of ur life  ’ ‘  i just want someone who’s excited to make out with me and text me all the time.  ’ ‘  never apologize for your giant dogs getting overexcited, if i get taken down by a 100 pound mass of fluff then that’s how i go.  ’ ‘  when i figure out how to die without hurting my mom’s feelings it’s over for me, bitches  ’ ‘  THIS GUY JUST ASKED ME WHAT MY NAME WAS AND I DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT HE SAID SO I SAID 4:45  ’ ‘  my blood is glow stick juice. thats why all my bones crack when i move.  ’ ‘  are cute dates and rough sex too much to ask for  ’ ‘  honestly, my goal in life is just to be a very warm person. i want to be as loving and as kind as i can be.  ’ ‘  just a small dumb bitch…. living in a lonely ditch  ’ ‘  you’re not selfish for wanting to be treated well  ’ ‘  when y'all fake conversations in your heads do you sometimes say random sentences out loud too? i was just tying my shoes and said very sternly and loudly “i DO know how ants work, fucker”  ’ ‘  true space facts: if u look up there it is  ’ ‘  anyone else bummed they have 2 sleep alone tonight and uh not in some1s arms  ’ ‘  how am i sensitive and a bitch at the same time  ’

#rp meme #ask meme #sentence starters #inbox meme #indie rp #rp ask meme #rp sentence meme #askbox meme #rp ask box meme #inbox memes #rp inbox meme #inbox starters #rp sentence starters #sentence starter meme

[prodigyofprinxetoncollege]

For @xlittlelionhamiltonx // @heavnofhell

25th of July, 10:37 am

Angelica is looking good, despite everything.

Presidential.

The picture of her couldn’t have been taken more than ten hours ago, yet she sits behind that desk in the oval office like she’s done it a million times before.

“Angelica Schuyler was sworn in as Acting President.”

Alex sets down the bottle. He never had anything against Angelica, but seeing her like this, perfectly styled, perfectly composed, while Aaron might be dying under the hands of some surgeon right now, he can’t help but hate her.

24th of July, 6:27 pm

Alex is idly sipping Champagne, looking around the crowd. It’s not technically a fundraiser, but close enough. When Aaron became President, Theo had made it clear she wouldn’t be a First Lady that only smiled and stood by. She had started a program that was promoting the importance of education, was trying to even chances between different races and genders, and had basically been popular since day one. The American people loved their First Lady, and children were a topic that reached everyone.

Plus, Alex’s more cynical side adds, since she doesn’t have children herself, and given her track-record of being CEO of her own company and having more money than Aaron by far…it was kind of the thing the people wanted her to do. The thing that made her seem more like the good wife than the career woman. So she had done it, and was now even more popular for it. And she genuinely believed in the project, Alex knows that.

So today is the day where everyone can shake hands and pat shoulders because they are doing so much good. Alex doesn’t really like it, but he knows Aaron will be there, which is why he is here. The very moment Aaron and Theo enter, the whole crowd seems to notice. The event is open air, there’s only a small stage, yet the First Couple dominates this open space as easily as a small room.

Alex is never going to get tired of watching Aaron go through that little routine of his, smile at someone, shake their head, remember some obscure fact about them that makes it seem like he genuinely knows them and cares about every single person. It’s the kind of stuff Alex knew he wasn’t good at, the kind of stuff that got you elected President of the United States in a landslide, twice.

He might be staring at Aaron in awe, but he knows at least ten (supposedly) straight men that are doing the same right now.

As for Theo…she is wearing a light blue dress, the contrast to her dark skin nothing short of mesmerizing, her hair done up, make-up perfect. She looks like a goddess, just as attractive as Aaron, and equally as determined and dangerous.

For a second, really, just a second, Alex finds himself imagining him in her place, next to Aaron, laughing at his jokes, openly leaning into him, pressing kisses to his skin and being regarded as if it was normal. Shaking the same hands Aaron had shook just a moment ago, being charming-

No. No, those thoughts are the worst, he knows that. They lead nowhere, and they only leave him feeling empty. Apart from the fact that homophobia is rampant in this country, even if that weren’t the case Alex isn’t the right husband for a politician. (You always say that. As if you wouldn’t shut up about your opinions for the rest of your life if it meant to be by Aaron’s side.)

When it is his turn to shake Aaron’s hand, he feels ridiculously nervous. As if he hasn’t seen the man in completely different situations…

“Mr. Hamilton,” Aaron says, and his smile becomes just a little more sincere, a little broader. There is that spark in his eyes Alex knows so much, the thrill of them knowing something, sharing something, that nobody is even suspecting. “It’s always a pleasure,” Aaron adds, and it could be damning if taken out of context, if heard by the wrong ears. But Alex only chuckles.

“Mr. President. The pleasure is all mine.”

Alex also exchanges a few words with Theo, after that the evening is pretty much over for him. There are a few speeches, the first one by Theo, then a couple people that are involved in the project – and in the end, Aaron makes his way to the stage. Everyone becomes quiet.

Aaron isn’t saying anything special, just how much he loves Theo, values her support, that children deserve education and so on – it’s from one second to the next that something happens, and no one has seen it coming. Aaron least of all.

“I would also like to thank…I would like to…thank…”

Aaron looks down at his own chest, uncomprehending, when he starts swaying, his white shirt showing the first red stains. The next second, Secret Service is there, pulling him down, people are starting to scream, someone gets up and starts running, Secret Service is suddenly everywhere and Alex gets up but instead of running away he runs towards the stage, but Aaron and Theo are being led away – hell, they are carrying Aaron, he seems to be unconscious, when a Secret Service man starts pulling Alex back, and he knows he’s screaming, he’s trying to kick the guy, to hit him, but he doesn’t stand a chance.

In the end, the guy lets him go, doesn’t assume anything. Alex is a civilian, plus a former POW, his PTSD diagnosis went through the media, so everyone pretty much assumes his outbreak was caused by a flashback. Secret Service got the guy who shot Aaron, with what seemed to have been a rather small bullet.

But everyone is gone, Alex is the one who’s out of the loop, as usual, and when he gets home at midnight, he falls into his bed and sleeps till the news wake him.

25th of July, 2:47 pm

Alex doesn’t have any kind of information where Aaron is. The only thing he knows – like the country – is that he’s alive. Still alive.

He’s drunk. If this is it, if Aaron dies, just like this, no good-bye, with Angelica left to be President…Alex doesn’t know what he’d do.

Eliza calls eventually, asks him if he’s alright, if his PTSD is acting up. He lies that yes, that’s it, he’ll need a couple days.

She promises she’ll do whatever he needs.

25th of July, 4:24 pm

Alex is woken up by the doorbell. Why was he asleep at all?

Right, the alcohol.

It’s Herc. He stands in the door and just kinda shrugs one massive shoulder.

“Thought ya could need some company. I brought whiskey, but it seems like ya already had enough.”

Alex laughs, a little hysterical, but he lets him in.

“How’re ya holding up?”

Alex raises an eyebrow.

“What’s it look like?”

“You? You look like shit. Your flat? Nicer than I expected.”

Alex is happy Herc is here. They sit down in front of the TV, Alex falls asleep at some point. Herc doesn’t say anything, even though he practically falls into his lap.

Later Hercules makes them dinner, it’s nothing too fancy, but Alex hasn’t eaten in twenty-four hours, he appreciates it. There are still no other news than that Aaron is still alive but still being operated on. To Alex, it feels like the nation is holding its breath.

25th of July, 8:05 pm

Unexpectedly, it’s Theo who calls. She sounds tired, he’s sure she hasn’t slept a minute this night.

“He’s gonna make it. The surgery was a bitch but they did it, and from what they tell me, his chances are good. He’ll make it.”

He has to, Alex thinks.

“Thanks,” he replies. “Get some sleep, Theo.”

She hangs up without an answer. A few minutes later, Theo appears on TV. She doesn’t look like she sounded – she sounds stronger, better, confident. Reassuring. Just what the people (and Alex) need.

“Both me and the President have utter faith in Angelica Schuyer to lead this country while he is on the road of recovery.”

26th of July, 9:13 pm

Alex makes sure not to flinch when he enters Aaron’s room. He has to be the strong one now.

“Hey,” Aaron croaks, voice so weak, and Alex almost starts crying.

“Hey,” he gives back instead, voice sure and steady. “Looking pretty great for a man that almost died,” he teases, and Aaron manages a smile.

“I’m glad you came,” he whispers.

“I’d go anywhere for you,” Alex replies, serious this time. “You know that.”

And Aaron nods. “Yes. I know.”

27th of July, 1:52 am

Alex is still with Aaron. Aaron is asleep by now, but Theo told him he could stay the night if he wanted to, and of course he wants to. He’s been staring at the sleeping face of the man he loved for hours now.

So close.

So damn close.

But he is still here.

He takes out his little book, the one his therapist told him to start, and he skims through the pages, finds what he wrote during a dark night last month. Sometimes, Syria still plagues him.

I couldn’t seem to die, he’d written.

He goes back to the next free page, puts down the date, the time.

Writes, we can’t seem to die.

And that’s a good thing.

#hamburr #alexander hamilton #aaron burr #v; the room where it happens #xlittlelionhamiltonx

[mochiinet]

1) “Pull over.  Let me drive for awhile.” -- 100 Ways to Say I Love You

Characters: NCT’s Jaehyun & OC

Word Count: 1578 words

Summary: You and your co-worker are being brutally beaten by a case and when all the evidence that you’ve worked hard on for the past two weeks goes missing last minute, you need to come up with a backup plan to present to your boss.  So you decide to head back to the sight of the crime, but it’s two hours away by car…

“Are you seeing what I’m seeing?” Your co-worker looked at the now empty evidence room that you had both just walked into.  The once packed whiteboard had been completely cleaned, not a trace of black marker to be seen.  The overloaded and layered walls full of pictures, lists, notes, and documents had been stripped to reveal the foreign grey paint, no tape or pins anywhere.  "Are we even in the right room?“ He started frantically looking around the room, outside the room, down the hallway.  You just stood there, not wanting to take in the scene of the emptied room.  "This doesn’t make any sense.  Where did everything go?” You started to find your words again.  "SHIT!“ You heard him slam the wall in the hallway and you could almost feel the vibration going through your body.  

"Y-yah… Jaehyun… you’re going to hurt yourself.” You walked out of the room to where he was in the hallway.  There was a noticeable dent in the white wall, but you disregarded it and shook your head as he shook his hand and bit his lip, cringing from the pain.  You’d seen Jaehyun angry before, being a detective was a stressful and frustrating job.  But this was just unbelievable.  He had a bit of a short temper, and you were the calm one of the two.  But this was making you reach your limit.  And he could tell.  He looked at you and checked your blank expression as you thought of what to do.  "Call Yuta, ask him to check all the surveillance cameras here, I need to see what happened.“ You said to him as you pulled out your own phone and started looking through your contacts.  "I’m going to call Taeil and tell him to send all the medical docs he can find, and then I’ll see if we can get any of that photo evidence from Doyoung again.” You explained as you waited for the dial tone.  He nodded and pulled his phone out too, starting to dial Yuta’s line.  

The two of you spent the next hour and a half trying to recollect all of your evidence, writing down things you remembered, jotting down questions about things you were forgetting, and things you still needed answers to.  Your presentation in front of the precinct was the next morning, but at this rate nothing was working out.  Yuta had checked the videos but all of the surveillance videos were faulty and skipped, giving you nothing.  Taeil was busy with another case, but he said he’d get the documents to you ASAP.  Doyoung wouldn’t pick up his phone, and things were looking grim.  "I think I’m going to cry…" Jaehyun said dramatically, but you knew he really mean it.  You were frustrated too and everything was just not going your way.  "Let’s go back to the site.“ You said.  "Seriously?” He looked up at you from his desk separator across from you.  "Doyoung isn’t going to get back to us any time soon at this rate.  That’s the most important part, the photo evidence.“ You said, trying to prioritize.  

"I mean I guess, but you do remember the sight is like an hour away by train, it’d take us at least two hours to drive there.” He said.  You looked at the clock.  *9:48 PM….*  Your hands went straight to your head in frustration, trying to wager with yourself as to whether or not it was a good idea to go or to just wait for Doyoung.  "If we go we’ll get there around 12, then it’ll probably take around half an hour to get the pictures we need, and then another two hours to get back, and then the rest of the night to put together the presentation.“ You thought out loud, hands covering your face, slightly muffling your words.  "I’ll make some coffee, and then we’ll go.” He said.  You removed your hands from your face and looked at him, trying to read whether or not he was serious.  "Come on, get your stuff ready, we’re not sleeping tonight.“ He said, walking past you to go to the coffee machine.  You groaned at your own suggestion, but got up anyways and went to grab all the supplies you guys would need to get the evidence.  

It was all very confusing.  The situation you were in, not only in the context of the emptied evidence room.  You and Jaehyun had been friends and partners for years.  From attending and competing against each other in school, to the first few years at the precinct, you’d been through everything together.  And you guys made the perfect pair.  At the top of your class, you both graduated with the highest marks.  While you guys thought differently, you never failed to test each other and make each other better at what you did.  Solving case after case, bumps in the road never stopped you guys and that’s what made you different.  There were a few moments where you’d questioned if working with him was a good idea, and it wasn’t just because of a differing view on a case.  Both of you guys had felt a connection for a while, but neither wanted to admit anything because the stakes were too high to risk.  You needed 100% attention to the cases you worked on, nothing was to get in the way of your thinking.  But there were little things that he did, that showed that you weren’t the only one who noticed that connection.  Even if was simple things like making coffee, you appreciated it greatly.

After gathering all you needed it, was a little past 10 and you guys headed out in the van.  You drove while Jaehyun continuously tried to get Doyoung on the phone while writing up the presentation with the old notes he had on his laptop and yours.  The coffee really helped you stay awake, but Jaehyun started to doze off around one hour through the drive there and you let him nap since Doyoung wasn’t picking up and you could pick up the phone if Taeil called.  You couldn’t even think of sleeping anyways, the adrenaline from going back to the crime scene was scaring the shit out of you.  Of all the years and lessons you’d been through, this case was like no other.  You started to recognize the old and worn out street signs and the GPS was leading you through a small town in the mountains.  Your phone started to ring and you saw Taeil’s name pop up.  You picked up the phone and Jaehyun slowly reacted to the noise.  "I found what I could on the case, but there’s some stuff missing.  I don’t know what happened to it.” He sounded a little distressed.  "Thanks so much Taeil.  Which parts are missing?“ You asked.  "Just small pieces of formulas, it’s like someone handpicked small portions of the formulas and erased them.  This is so weird.” He said.  I heard clicking in the background and I could almost see him frowning at the computer with his glasses at the tip of his nose, trying to figure out what was missing.  

“What in the world is going on…” You sighed.  "I’ll send you what I have.  I finished with the other case, so I’ll just rack my brain until I can remember what parts they took out.“ He said.  "You’re a life saver.” Jaehyun’s groggy voice mumbled in agreement and Taeil laughed.  "Drive safe!“ Taeil said.  "Will do!” You hung up and pulled up to the abandoned building.  Jaehyun put all the stuff back in his bag and carried it with him while you took the camera and your bag as well.  You left the car empty and headed through the security tape into the building.  After taking pictures of what you needed, you headed back out and checked the van thoroughly before heading back out on the road.  You were driving again since Jaehyun was working on the presentation, but you kept yawning, the caffeine slowly wearing off, exhaustion washing over.  You hadn’t even gotten ten minutes out of the mountains yet but you were starting to lose to the exhaustion.  Jaehyun glanced at you through his peripherals and closed his laptop as you covered your mouth as you yawned again.  "Hey.“ He said, turning to you.  "Hm?” You asked, not looking at him, keeping your eyes on the road.  "Pull over.  Let me drive a while.“ He said.  "You’re exhausted _____.  I can drive.” He said.  You looked at him.  "Are you sure?“ You asked, immediately looking back at the road.  "Yeah, pull over right there.” He said, pointing to a curb.  

You silently pulled over and got out of the driver’s seat.  Jaehyun waited for you to come over to the passenger’s side and you sat down in the seat, reaching for the seatbelt.  But he got to it first.  He buckled your seatbelt and pat your head.  "Take a nap.“ He said, closing the door after him.  He walked over to the other side and got in the driver’s seat.  "Thanks Jae.” You said, smiling sleepily at him.  "We’ll have to stay up the rest of the night, so get what sleep you can now.“ He said, laughing a little before starting the engine back up.  You sighed and closed your eyes, drifting quickly to sleep as Jaehyun headed back out on the road back to the precinct.  

OOOOOO this actually came out pretty decently, I was writing it as a drabble but might make it into something?? any thoughts? LOL we’ll see!! :)  ALSO IMPORTANT NOTICE!!! I have changed my blog to MOCHII.NET!!! just a notice!!! & Thanks anon for checking my words!! haha

#jaehyun #jung jaehyun #nct jaehyun #nct scenarios #nct imagines #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop #kpop fanfic

[narrator-scio-story]

Let's Just Have Some Old-Fashioned Fangirling Over Jane Austen

I could call this post "What's Happening 8/29", like I've been doing for a while now.

But seriously, this blog has now evolved from providing short snippets of context about my own experiences in Science Olympiad to explain what I write about in the novel, to begging excuses for why I haven't revised anymore of the novel (news flash - I have no excuse), to now being the primary purpose of my writing.

This is my personal blog explaining the progress of my life.

So it doesn't really make sense to simply name every blog post to show that it's an update on my life from the date it's posted. I want to really explain what I'm going to be writing about in the title, don't I?

So this is a blog post about Jane Austen.

Of course I don't need an excuse to talk about Jane Austen. Why would I need an excuse, how could you ask that?

We've been in the process, the past couple of days, of driving back east after Colorado, in time for school to start. The day before we left I just about managed to finish reading Toni Morrison's Beloved. That was a part of the book pair I'd chosen for my summer reading for AP lit, so I insisted on rereading it in full even though I already read it back in November of 2015 (I know that because I can remember reading it before a certain concert, but whatever, the point is it was a while ago and I needed a refresher). Both the partner book for Beloved and the partner book for Mansfield Park were books I'd bought new on the book this summer and read on the overnight flight to the UK in July, so those were basically the two pairs of books I was choosing between.

Now, I know I'm getting out of order in my history, but I have a confession to make.

A rather embarrassing confession. I can't imagine how my girlfriend would react if she knew.

Not only have I not read Northanger Abbey since 8th grade, and not read Northanger Abbey in its entirety since 6th or 7th grade (aka the first time I read it! Yeek!), but last summer I actually didn't get through all the other Jane Austen novels.

Between my phone and my e-reader, travelling and staying in different people's houses, all the random bookmarks and quotations in different places in the books which I turn to frequently for comfort or to prove a point, I don't actually remember anymore how far I got. So we could say it's very possible I hadn't read Mansfield Park in 2 years.

How had I been getting my necessary fix of Austen instead? Well... Um... Oops... Er... Adaptions?!

Not to mention reading about the 200th anniversary of her death in news stories, but that should've only reminded me of what I was missing. Somehow I was getting the crying-at-happy-endings stuff from adaptions.

So you've heard about all the Netflix adaptions I watched in the UK, I think. And on the British Airways flight back to the US I watched the Keira Knightley Pride and Prejudice. My sister was shocked that I hadn't seen it before, she claims it's her favorite and she probably hasn't read the book not to mention she couldn't sit through the whole Jennifer Ehle one with me when I rented it on disc years ago. But there you go. I've seen it now, and it wasn't what finally convinced me to do my duty by the novels.

I was only at home, my own house, my own town, for a couple of days, but I did manage to invite my girlfriend to come watch the Gwyneth Paltrow Emma with me one of those days. (Why that one? Because it was the one that was streaming on Netflix. Clueless seems to have been taken off. Not to mention the Gwyneth Paltrow Emma was an Austen movie I hadn't seen before, and yet had tolerable reviews.)

I told her we could judge it's accuracy of the books together. She admitted to me that she'd never actually finished reading Emma because the main character annoyed her so much.

Then after we'd agreed to our plans anyway, she got sick and told me she couldn't come. So I flew out the next day without seeing her, but with it still downloaded within Netflix on my phone.

And eventually in Colorado, one bored afternoon, I have in and watched it on my own. And cried at Mr Knightley's confession of love at the end even though I didn't particularly approve the wording of it. Everything.

Then soon another bored afternoon in Colorado, another afternoon I didn't fancy doing anything productive, I scrolled aimlessly through YouTube and I suppose due to my old (8th grade-era) subscription to the Lizzie Bennett Diaries, found Emma Approved.

I watched as much as I could between my late afternoon discovery and going out to dinner that night. (Actually only 16 or 17 episodes?)

I woke up early the next morning - I couldn't stop thinking about it - and couldn't wait for my parents to be out of the house (for some reason I was determined not to watch it in front of them). Once they left, I devoted about the entire rest of the productive day to watching it, putting off until 9 and then 10 getting out of my pyjamas and showering, returning to the show immediately after, failing to put it down while I ate a breakfast of very old leftovers because anything else was too much distraction, forcing myself to stop for the few minutes I knew that I really, really, really needed to devote to my summer reading in my textbooks for APUSH and AP chem.

I finished the YouTube series quite early in the afternoon and, desperate for more, watched all the Q&A's and Frank and Jane's and even some behind the scenes videos. I had somehow become just so invested in those characters.

And then that night I really couldn't sleep. I must've gotten into bed at a normal time, maybe 10 pm, but I can remember checking my watch at 1 am and feeling not at all sleepy. All because I kept playing through the events of the show in my head. Imagining additional scenarios with Emma and Alex. Thinking about what those characters must have felt.

And in that, above in watching Gwyneth Paltrow's Emma, was the source of my guilt about not rereading Austen recently. I flew through Beloved, which I really did intend to use for my AP lit book, not so much because I'd already read it as because there was something else wonderful which I'd already read waiting for me as soon as I was done. Beloved made me emotional in its way but I was waiting for Mansfield Park, that beautiful home, what had been my favorite of all love stories the first time I read it even if I've since grown to care about others.

So, we spent the last couple of days driving east across Middle American states I've never visited before, me not doing any of the driving because I can't drive, and I've been busy with two of my favorite activities of all time: reading Jane Austen and photographing went turbines.

I got through all of Mansfield Park between yesterday's drive and this morning's, and although I normally go Sense & Sensibility, Pride & Prejudice, Mansfield Park, Emma, Persuasion, I allowed myself to continue directly on into Emma. Not go back to the beginning once I'd covered my bases for AP lit.

I've seen so many adaptions of Emma (Clueless, a Masterpiece Theatre miniseries, the Gwyneth Paltrow one, now Emma Approved) that it seemed like I really did need to check it against the actual story.

I'd forgotten until I saw Emma Approved how much I'd enjoyed the Lizzie Bennett Diaries, back years ago. I just wonder why I didn't try Emma Approved earlier. And now I'm wondering if it would be practical to watch one episode every couple of lunch times with my girlfriend, or something. Of either show. Just to have watched something together, no matter how many times we'd watched it alone.

I still keep thinking of Emma Approved in my sleep, even with several days since I finished and the original books to care about. That was a good adaption, Alex's proposal was closer to what it should've been even if he didn't say "my dearest Emma, for dearest you will always be" and that's the phrase I swear I wait through the entire book for, which makes all of it worthwhile.

And having read so much in the car? To think I used to think that made me car sick!

I am very much a Janeite I think this is obvious by now.

#science olympiad #novel #jane austen #road trip #emma approved #mansfield park #ap lit

[par-the-raider]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER. REPOST. DON’T REBLOG.

– BASICS.

• NAME: Rachel “Julia” • PRONOUNS: she/her • SEXUALITY: bi • TAKEN OR SINGLE: single

– THREE FACTS. 1. I know a good deal of Chinese. I’m not fluent yet but I plan to be fluent by the time I graduate college. I’ll probably be studying abroad in Beijing a couple of years down the road. I’m a bit of a health freak/cancerphobe so I just hope the air won’t be too smoggy. 2. I’m mostly English and Irish, and I’m also descended from gypsies on my dad’s side of the family, but I’m probably the whitest-looking “gypsy” you’ll ever see. The only thing I inherited was the dark hair and fierce eyebrows, lol. 3. A close family friend of ours named Will passed away from cancer 3 years ago. I still miss him and I wish I’d been able to spend more time with him. His mom was kind enough to give us some of his old clothes because she didn’t want them to be unused. I still wear his plaid jacket over my T-shirts, and in my room there’s a picture of us in San Francisco together.

• HOW LONG (MONTHS / YEARS?): I’ve been roleplaying for 2 years, and writing stories since I was literally four.

• PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED: For roleplaying, I’ve only used tumblr, but I might start using Wattpad and/or Toyhou,se in future months.

• BEST EXPERIENCE: I’ve never had such great experiences with roleplay as I’ve had on this blog. I think Par is a great muse and the Fallout rp community as a whole has been incredible, with so many creative and talented writers. My threads with @searchingforanewpurpose, @mappingthe-wastes and @hooliganghoul have been particularly great!

– MUSE PREFERENCES.

• FEMALE OR MALE: I really like writing with muses of both kinds. One of my first ever rp muses was Capable from the Mad Max: Fury Road movie. Since then, I’ve done mostly male muses. The differences in voice between myself and a male muse is always a fun challenge to tackle. Plus I’m just a sucker for dreamy fictional men.

• FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT: Pretty much anything except smut is up my alley, simply because I’m paranoid about people I know finding their way to my blogs lol. I can appreciate threads with sexual themes, but I’m just not much of a smutty writer to begin with. I like lots of variety, though. Angsty threads turning into humorous threads and vice versa is always exciting for me, too.

• PLOTS OR MEMES: I usually prefer memes and surprises, unless it only makes sense for our muses to interact under specific circumstances. I think both work great depending on context.

• LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: I used to think that I’d only want to write multi-para threads, since I’m used to writing long solo stories and the occasional fanfiction. But I’ve found banter and semi-para to be very entertaining as well, so I long as the scene doesn’t need too much setting-up. A good example of this would be how my long threads with @hooliganghoul are just as entertaining as my short ones with @mappingthe-wastes. My style is fairly flexible anyway. :D

• BEST TIME TO WRITE: Any time from 10 pm to 4 am is a good time to write in my opinion lol. During the summer, I’m free to sleep in until noon since I go to work around 3 to 5. I’m home by 9:30 at the latest so I typically have plenty of energy to write around midnight. On days off I write pretty much whenever it strikes me.

• ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S):  There are just a few important similarities between my muses and I; for the most part we’re totally different but it’s impossible to avoid putting a little piece of myself into any of the characters I make.

In Par’s case, it’s his scars. I have a lot of scars on my left arm from obsessive scratching (dermatillomania) which resulted from stress both at school and with my health. it’s really a minor problem, and I’m thankful that it’s the only difficult challenge that I have to overcome at the moment. But it always sucks trying to cover up the scars, and it’s embarrassing when people notice them, so in that way Par’s character is definitely a reflection of my own.

As for Lacuna, I’m not too sure. He’s more one-dimensional at the moment, simply because he’s so new, but I’m sure some aspect of myself will emerge in him over time.

TAGGED BY: @nopathunexplored (thank you :D)

TAGGING: @whataradscavver, @hardbittenhearts, @bearsleftpaw and any of my followers who want to do this (I don’t know who’s already been tagged and who hasn’t been lol)

#ooc #tw: cancer #rp blog #munday

[thatfragilecapricorn30]

Wherever You Go

An X-Files Fanfic

Written for the @txf-fic-chicks Post-Ep Challenge!

Missing scene from “The Red and the Black”

Wherever You Go

Mulder was dribbling a basketball through his apartment, trying to decide if he should watch the basketball or baseball game on TV. Though actually holding a basketball in his hands was making him biased, he thought. Maybe he should swing his baseball bat a few times and then decide. He was heading toward his closet to grab the bat when the phone rang.

The only person it could be was Scully, however, it is very unlike her to be calling at 9 pm on a Sunday. Usually it was him calling her. He decided it must be her anyway and answered the phone with, “Hey, Scully.”

“Mulder?” she sounded a little breathless, a little frantic. Immediately Mulder was put on alert. He was already worried about her after she almost died at Ruskin Dam and this phone call wasn’t helping ease his nerves.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, suddenly feeling very anxious.

“It’s happening again,” she said, her voice strained and unfocused. It was as if she was concentrating on something other than their phone conversation.

“Scully, what’s happening?” he asked, already abandoning the basketball and grabbing his shoes.

“The chip… it’s calling me…” she said, starting to fade out.

Mulder grabbed his car keys. “Scully, listen to me. Don’t go anywhere. I’ll be right over. Just hang on.”

“Please… hurry…” was the last thing he heard as he threw the phone down and raced out of his apartment.

Mulder sped through the quiet DC streets, hoping that she could hold out for just a few minutes until he got there. He shuddered to think what would happen this time. She got lucky at Ruskin Dam, escaping only with some burns. She might not be so lucky this time.

He ran up to her floor, forgoing the creaky elevator that moved at a snail’s pace. He got to her door and knocked first, hoping for a speedy response. He gave it ten seconds, then used the key she gave him to unlock her door. She wasn’t in the immediate vicinity.

“Scully,” he called out. No answer.

His heart started pounding. If she left the apartment, he thought, there is no way I’ll find her. He walked to her bedroom. Not there. There was one last place to check. The door to the bathroom was ajar and when he pushed it open, there was Scully, seated on the floor by the sink. She had handcuffed herself around the base of the sink and was clearly straining against the metal handcuffs. He had a second of admiration for her resourcefulness before protective Mulder kicked in and he went to assist her.

“Scully,” he said, sitting next to her gently, not wanting to startle her.

She didn’t respond. Her eyes were closed and she appeared to be in deep concentration. A bead of sweat dripped down her forehead. It seemed like it was taking all of her self-control not to rip the base of the sink out from the wall. He knew she had the strength for it if she really wanted to.

He brushed the hair back from her face and she opened her eyes.

“Mulder,” she breathed. She let out a long sigh. “I think I’ve got it under control,” she joked, lifting her hands to shake the metal bracelets.

Mulder disagreed. He could see where her delicate wrists were turning red from pulling against the handcuffs. Luckily he always carried a key with him and he used that to unlock the handcuffs.

When Scully realized what he was doing, she protested weakly, “No, Mulder, you can’t. The chip – it’s calling me and it’s so hard to fight it.”

“I’m going to help you,” he told her. That’s what partners do, he thought. And Scully was so much more than a partner to him.

He sat back against the wall and pulled her into him, so her back was resting against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, preventing her from moving. He was so glad she was so small or they might have had a real struggle.

“Just try to relax,” he said, smoothing a hand over her hair. “It will pass. I’m not going to let them take you anywhere.”

She laughed, “You’re lucky I have good self-control or you’d have a lot more bruises.”

She was kidding around but he felt very serious. “You’re the strongest person I know, Scully,” he said, tightening his grip slightly.

They sat there for about an hour, Scully in deep concentration once again. It seemed to take all of her will to sit still, while Mulder tried to make her as comfortable as possible. Eventually he felt Scully’s muscles un-tense, no longer having to resist the chip’s compulsion. She was limp in his arms and he could tell that she was exhausted because she didn’t say anything, her earlier joking a thing of the past. Mulder couldn’t even imagine the mental fortitude it took to fight that pressure from the chip. But if anyone could do it, it was Scully.

He picked her up and carried her to her bed, where he laid her down. She curled up on her side, already half-asleep. He went to her bathroom to grab a damp washcloth to wipe her face and when he returned she was sitting up, forcing her eyes open even though Mulder could see them start to slide shut.

“Scully, lay down,” he coaxed with a light hand on her shoulder, “Why don’t you try to sleep?”

“I can’t,” she whispered, suddenly looking afraid.

“Is it…did it turn back on?” he asked, nervous again.

“Not yet,” she said. “But what if it happens again while I’m sleeping? That’s what happened at Ruskin Dam. I won’t be able to fight it if I’m asleep, Mulder,” she said, sounding more and more upset.

“Hey, hey,” he said, moving to sit next to her and put his arm around her shoulders. “You sleep, and I’ll stay here and watch over you.”

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say, because she pushed away from him. “You don’t understand. It could happen at any time. I’m going to have to worry for the rest of my life. You’re not always going to be there.”

“Then I’ll stay here every night,” he stated stubbornly.

“Mulder, that’s just not practical. You need to sleep, too,” she said wearily, not convinced by his chivalry.

“I don’t care, I don’t care,” he repeated. He would do anything to protect her and forgoing sleep would be nothing to him. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you and I’m definitely not going to let that chip take you away. I’ll stay up every night if I have to,” he declared, full of conviction, starting to sound like the lead from a romance novel. He didn’t care about that either.

Her eyes searched his face, maybe trying to ascertain if he was serious. Something must have convinced her because she acquiesced.

“Okay,” she said quietly and started to lie back down.  He went with her, moving his arm to lay across her waist and curling his body around her.

“You’re my partner,” he whispered, hoping that she realized that he didn’t just mean in the context of the FBI. “I’m going wherever you go.”

He wasn’t sure if she heard him or had already fallen asleep. But then he felt her hand clasp his and knew that she understood.

#dana scully #fox mulder #the x files fanfic #txf #the x files #txf fic chicks post ep challenge #thatfragilecapricorn30

[gypsythorn13]

100 truths 2017 (I love how these don't change much)

1. last beverage → milk 2. last phone call → gpa 3. last text → curly 4. last song you listened to → dark energy 5. last time you cried → yesterday 6. Have you ever dropped your phone in the toilet? Yes 7. depended on someone → yes it sucked 8. dated someone twice → yes 9. been cheated on → apparently yes 10. kissed someone & regretted it → No 11. lost someone special →no 12. been depressed → yes 13. been dumped → yes LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:14. black 15. hot pink 16. blood red17. silver THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: 18. Made new friends → yes 19. Fallen out of love → no 20. Laughed until you cried → yes 21. Met someone who changed you → no 22. Found out who your true friends were → yes 23. Found out someone was talking about you → yes not that it matters 24. Kissed anyone on your friend’s list → yes 25. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life → 40 26. How many kids do you want to have → none 27. Do you have any pets → no 28. Do you want to change your name → yes 29. What did you do for your last birthday → nothing 30. what time did you wake up today → 12:30 pm 31. What were you doing at midnight last night → uploading songs 32. Name something you CANNOT wait for → to find out the truth 33. Last time you saw your father → jan 7 2012 34. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life → living w/my mother 35. What are you listening to right now → nothing 36. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom → yes 37. What’s getting on your nerves right now → not knowing how people feel 38. Most visited webpage → utube, tumblr,fb, 39. Whats your real name → none of ur goddam business 40. Nicknames→ mad (fuck u) mads, maddie, m, muffin toes, mini b, mini me, pinky, rhubarb, the beast 41. Relationship Status → single (ironicly) 42. Zodiac sign → cancer 43. Male or female or transgendered → female 44. Elementary → homeschool 45. jr. high home school 46. High school - wanna guess? homeschool 47. Hair color → light blond was pink 48. Long or short Hair → short 49. Height → 5’ 11 50. Do you have a crush on someone → yes 52: What do you like about yourself → tactless, loving, humorous, loyal, upfront, i’m an otaku, i’m a rocker, 53. Piercings → nothing 54. Tattoos → none (yet!) 55. Righty or lefty → lefty FIRSTS: 56. First love → A 57. First piercing → none 58. First best friend → regan 59. First sport you joined → tae-kwon-do 60. First pet → 2 gerbils (spick and nigger) 61. First vacation → pixburgh, PA. 62. First concert → slipknot 63. First crush → A or D not sure 64. Eating → nothing 65. Drinking → nothing 66. I’m about to → go to sleep 67. Listening to → nothing 68. Waiting for → moving to Ohio YOUR FUTURE :69. Want kids → FUCK NO 70. want to get married → DOUBLE FUCK NO 71. Careers in mind → writer, slave 4 joy’s, Dj, psychologist, WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX? :72. Lips or eyes → both 73. Hugs or kisses → both 74. Shorter or taller → Taller 75. Older or Younger → older 76. Romantic or spontaneous → both 77. Nice stomach or nice arms → arms 78. Sensitive or loud → fun 79. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship 80. Trouble maker or hesitant → trouble HAVE YOU EVER :81. Kissed a stranger → no 82. Dined & Dashed → No 83. Lost glasses/contacts → no 84. Sex on first date → Wasnt a date 85. Broken someone’s heart → most likely 86. Had your own heart broken → fuck you 87. Been arrested → no 88. Turned someone down → in what context? 89. Cried when someone died → yes 90. Liked a friend that is a girl? → no DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 91. Yourself → on what? 92. Miracles → yes 93. Love at first sight → love? no. like? HEL YES. 94. Heaven → yes but I need to go to hel 95. Santa Clause → odin. 96. Kiss on the first date → maybe 97. Angels → yes ANSWER TRUTHFULLY 98. Is there one person you want to be with right now → yes 99. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? No 100. Posting this as 100 Truths yes

#2017

[canaryatlaw]

alright well, today was WILD. mostly in a good way, lol. I originally had my alarm set for 9:30 am with the intention of meeting Jess for brunch at 10. She was taking the day off from work because tickets for the KPop band’s she’s like the most into (aka Monsta X (MX) they’ll be talked about a lot today) concert was going on sale today and given our past experience trying to buy tickets for similar concerts (read: bad) we knew we were gonna have to try really hard for these, so we had a whole plan laid out. But when my alarm went off I had a message from Jess saying she got a note to be waiting for a package till like 10:30, so I went back to sleep until like 10 at which point I got up and got dressed to head out. We were gonna go to the vegetarian place but when I walked out to the street the intersection going to main street was like, completely blocked off, sidewalks and all, so I’d have to have gone one block west and then south and the east to actually get to main street, and instead of doing that we said fuck it we’d just go to the usual place that was like two blocks west of the intersection, so we met there instead and had brunch. Once we finished we returned to my apartment, the two goals for the day were to get caught up on tv shows we were behind on (Supergirl and Arrow in this case) and get tickets. So we started with Supergirl and watched the last 4 episodes of that, I’d seen the last two but not the two before that and Jess hadn’t seen any of them so we just watched them all through. We started getting geared up for the ticket purchasing, I think I explained this before but I don’t expect everyone to read every post so I’ll explain it again, basically ten minutes before the tickets are set to go on sale you can join a “pre-queue” and when it turns to the time everyone in the pre-queue is randomly placed in line, with anybody joining the queue after that goes to the end. The default position tends to be “2,000+ in front of you” which can differ widely because the venues for the smaller bands are like 3,000 seats whereas the big groups like BTS were playing in the fucking football stadium with like 50,000 seats, so 2,000 in front has a very different context depending on the size of the place. But you get advanced in line wherever you were placed it’ll start moving up and eventually get you to under 2,000 and then let you in, at which point you have to pick your tickets and pay for them, but there are a bunch of other people in there at the same time trying to pick tickets, so it can be kinda difficult to find ones that someone else didn’t just grab. so to give ourselves the best chances of getting this we had created multiple accounts so we could have the queue up in multiple windows in hope that it would give us a better chance of getting one placed further up in the queue. The tickets went on sale at 4 pm local time of the concert, and we were gonna try for New York tickets at 3 pm our time (because my parents live there and it’s always an easy excuse for a trip) with potentially looking at Atlanta at the same time, and then when it hit 4 for us we’d try for Chicago. So this whole time Jess is a giant ball of nerves and just generally freaking out, because yes she wants tickets, but she really wants the VIP tickets that let you actually meet the band and you can do this thing called “hi-touch” which is basically high fiving them from what I understand, but of course there are very few of those tickets and it was all up to the randomized queue. so I’m sitting there with my two laptops open and two windows open on each where Jess has ones on her laptop and her phone. It turns 3 pm and all of the windows refresh.....all of them are 2,000+. damn. the New York theatre has a capacity of 5,600 (I just looked that up, but that’s about what I thought at the time) so it’s no football stadium but the Chicago venue was only like 4,400 (again, just looked that up) so we potentially had a better shot in NY but there would probably also be more people trying for tickets. So we’re sitting there hoping for our things to advance, and one of my windows, the one attached to my main account starts moving forward slowly but surely (or quicker than any of the others at least) and around 3:20 we get inside, at which point we were able to grab like second tier tickets, which were good, but of course didn’t include the hi-touch Jess really wanted so we’d grab the tickets for now (we could always resell them later, they’re going for a ton on stubhub right now) and see what happens in Chicago. The one browser we had up for Atlanta had just been a total bust so we ignored that one. so the hour advances and it gets closer to 4 and everyone is so anxious!!! but we got this, I know we do, and when it hits 4, to our amazement, my main account (again!) instead of showing up with 2,000+ showed “1″ for a second before immediately letting us into the tickets!! I was in beast mode at this point and just let my super fast reflexes do all the work and click in the right places as fast as I could and a few seconds later we had confirmed tickets that were- get this- not only ultimate VIP with the hi-touch and a bunch of other shit, but were actually IN THE FIRST FUCKING ROW, AND THEY WERE LITERALLY SEATS 1 AND 2. WE GOT THE FIRST TICKETS IN THE ENTIRE DAMN PLACE. And like we looked at the map of the venue and the front row has like two or three off to each side and then like 8 or so right in the center right in front of the stage and since we were 1 and 2 at first we thought we had one of the side ones....but nope, we were in that middle section (I’ll post the screenshot Jess took of them after this to give you a better idea if you’re having trouble picturing this). But yeah, basically we got the best damn tickets in the entire fucking theatre, and we were both pretty much just having meltdowns at this point (I mean, mostly Jess, but I was kinda freaking out too because this was nuts). And I was just like man, I knew we could do this, we put up with some much bullshit and failure with the other concerts that was so frustrating, but when it really counted with the favorite band in our city, we get the best seats IN THE FUCKING HOUSE. Because that’s how I roll, when I set my mind to something I get shit done, I don’t always know how but somehow it always gets done, and I knew we could do this and we did. So needless to say it was a very exciting afternoon, lol. We had been playing like episodes 3 and 4 of The Umbrella Academy during this mostly just as background noise because Jess hadn’t seen all of that yet but we weren’t paying much attention given everything that had just happened. So yeah, we freaked out for a bit, and then cemented our plans for the rest of the night (because if Chicago was a total failure we were gonna wait 2 hours and try for the LA show) and I then baked the angel food cake I wanted to make for my birthday because I always have angel food cake with whipped cream and strawberries for my birthday (given that I’ve rarely actually celebrated with my family on my actual birthday it’s usually not on the actual date, but as long as it happens) because it’s my favorite and what we always had when I was little and reminds me of my grandma and grandpa and just happy memories that weren’t corrupted by other bullshit. So I baked the cake and when it was done I figured out how to stick it upside down on a bottle (you have to cool it like that or it won’t come out of the pan, they’re complicated like that) we headed out for dinner, we were originally probably gonna order in but given all that had happened we wanted to celebrate a bit and we knew there was a Korean place a few blocks down that we hadn’t tried yet so we figured now would be the perfect time. So we get there and we’re trying to decipher the menu to the best of our ability lol but ended up asking our waiter for his thoughts with our given dietary restrictions and he was great and very helpful, everything was super delicious and very much enjoyed, and he was just really cool and awesome so I tipped him extra (and by that I mean like 30% because 25% is my default, so, we know how I feel about tipping waiters). so it was a very enjoyable meal, I took some home with me because I didn’t want to stuff myself too much and not be able to eat cake later, we’ll have to see if I end up eating my leftovers though because my acid reflux has been kinda bad tonight so I’m not sure if that’d be a good idea (it’s strange though because none of it was a typical trigger for me). We watched the second to last episode of Arrow and then I checked to see if the cake was fully cooled, then set it up with the whipped cream and strawberries and we ate cake (I made Jess eat a little but she doesn’t really like cake so I just let her eat the strawberries). so that was highly enjoyable as it always is for me. We then watched the most recent episode of Arrow, I had the benefit this time around of having listened to the “Quiver: The Green Arrow Podcast” review of the episode since I watched it the first time so I understood things a little better, they’re not always great at actually explaining concepts and fleshing them out in a way that makes a little comic book knowledge go very far in understanding where the show writers actually want to take you (and they just aren’t). For example, in the comics, the Ninth Circle (aka “the bad guys”) is actually like a supervillain bank that funds such evil operations, and that makes a hella lot more sense than the non-descriptions we’ve had of it up to this point. But anyway. Once we finished that it was like 9 pm so Jess headed home and I watched tonight’s episode of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend that I had forgotten about lol then just watched the news into Jimmy Kimmel  (it was an old episode though) before showering and starting to get ready for bed and now I am here. so yeah, big day to say the least. pretty wild I’d say, and I’m gonna be so thrown that today was only Friday and not Saturday lol and that we have Saturday as a whole other day tomorrow. The plan is to go up north to the Cheesecake Factory, we decided against seeing a movie because there really wasn’t anything we wanted to see (I’d have been fine seeing Captain Marvel again but Jess has already seen it twice and doesn’t really want to do it again which is valid). So we’ll just do Cheesecake Factory and shop, should be fun. It is 1 am now though and I should probably be getting to sleep if I want to get up and do things tomorrow (which I do) so I will call it a night here. Goodnight friends. Happy weekend.

#daily journal #March 2019 #Jess tag #KPops #Rachel watches Supergirl #Rachel watches Arrow #birthday