#so it's easier to not. to not acknowledge. to not consider that future. to commit to a life alone and to a career-driven existence

[buttercupbuck]

“in AA, there’s this idea that you take inventory of your life...”

[image description: two large gifs of evan buckley from season 6 episode 1.

gif 1: buck sits on the edge of the firetruck and tells bobby, “i think i’m afraid of making a mistake again.”

gif 2: talking about his lasagna with eddie and chris, buck says, “and it only took me three tries to get it right.”

/end ID]

#idk i think this whole thing is just so interesting #because even if it he's not fully aware of the extent of his feelings for eddie yet. which idk if he is #he still feels how right it is to be with eddie and chris and to have them in his place and to cook them a lasagna he's labored over #he still feels that feeling of home and love and safety he never thought he'd get #but the acknowledgment of that and everything they mean to him would be putting him in a place where he feels he would make a mistake & fail #so it's easier to not. to not acknowledge. to not consider that future. to commit to a life alone and to a career-driven existence #anyway idk! #evan buckley #buddie #buckley diaz family #911 on fox #911 fox #911 spoilers #9-1-1 #911 #911edit #alicia edits

[attonposting]

Just thinkin' about how showing your companions the Force in KotOR II is about healing, about teaching them to confront their traumas and cope with them in a healthy way, and on a Dark Side run, it's about yanking on that trauma and twisting it until it becomes all that they are.

Atton is a goddamn mess of a person. The war wrecked him and shaped him into a sadistic monster who committed mega war crimes until he met the one Jedi who forced him to see what he'd become. And instead of taking any responsibility, he bolted, coping by drowning out the world and doing his damnedest not to feel. The Exile forces him to stop running and confront himself – to face all those emotions he chopped up into little pieces and wore like masks, his guilt, his hate, his fear. I don't think Atton ever thinks of himself as a Jedi; him learning to use the Force is him learning not to be afraid of it, and himself, anymore. Atton decides he's going to finally try to do something with his life – maybe not for goodness' sake, but because he owes that last Jedi that much. And a DS Exile extinguishes whatever seeds of decency she planted, destroys his last remaining shreds of idealism, and convinces him not to fear himself in a much, much scarier way.

Bao-Dur is a genuinely good guy, but he's shackled by guilt. It's not straightforward, and it'd maybe be easier for him to deal with it if it was - Bao-Dur simultaneously regrets and doesn't regret what he did. He believes... not necessarily that Malachor had to happen, but that the war needed to end. But he's horrified that it was his hands and his mind that conceived the Mass Shadow Generator, can never banish the sight of so much death at his hand. And he can't reconcile how what drove him in the war was pure hatred, and the galaxy treats him like his service was a noble thing when he knows it was anything but. That rage hasn't left him even though he tried to move on and turn his hands towards kinder things. Through the Force, he's able to move on and at last find peace – but a DS Exile convinces him to give into his anger and let retribution rule him completely.

Mira is at her heart a scared little girl trying desperately to prove to herself that she's tough and capable – that she's over everything she's lost, that she's not alone and afraid. She tries not to care about anyone, because the galaxy certainly doesn't give a shit, but she does despite herself. A LS Exile teaches her how to come to terms with the things that hound her, and in that, find true strength. A DS Exile teaches her to cover up that fear by preying on others so that nobody ever has the chance to hurt her again, and convincing herself that hardness means strength until it becomes true.

Brianna has tried to find purpose in servitude, but she's isolated in an otherwise tight-knit unit. She's desperate to prove herself, but she's never good enough for anyone, and she knows why she continues to fail even as she's unable to let the source go. A LS Exile teaches her to transcend those concerns and be true to herself above all else – not only to follow her own path, but to find strength and value in herself, for the first time in her life. What Atris thinks, what her sisters think, is immaterial. A DS Exile doesn't free her from her mindset of servitude so much as twist her loyalties. That Brianna instead becomes convinced she's better than her sisters, better than Atris, and takes her anger out on her ex-family and beyond – becoming driven by scorn, seeing nothing but the failures of the Jedi to live up to their own standards.

Mical lost his future at a young age – something that probably saved his life, considering everything that happened in the following years, but which left him trailing in the shadow of the Jedi seeking answers nobody could give. He wants to believe in the Jedi Order, but recent history has left him with far too much evidence to the contrary. A LS Exile acknowledges the flaws of the Jedi teachings, even personifies those flaws through their history, but convinces him through their actions that their core still rings true and is worth striving for. A DS Exile utterly demolishes his faith in the same manner. Mical takes the Exile's fall as yet another betrayal by the Jedi, but it's the hardest hitting yet - this sheer debasement of the figure he idolized most. It finally extinguishes his idealism, even gnawing away at the compassion that defines him until he's yet another soulless cog in the Republic machine.

And Visas is already attuned to the Force, but a LS Exile gives her hope for the galaxy and teaches her of the beautiful little moments of connection and the greatness people can achieve together, where she'd become convinced that life was pain and the only thing any being could aspire to was an end to the suffering. What she witnesses is strong enough for her to come to terms with the death of Katarr and choose to keep going despite all that's happened. And a DS Exile... doesn't. They reaffirm her desolation and then give her the callous end she sought.

The Exile themselves went for ten years avoiding connections, and then the Force thrusts them back into the role of a leader – a role they've got decidedly mixed feelings about, when it was literally their empathy that caused their self-destruction in the Mandalorian Wars. Major YMMV on how you characterize your Exile's motives, but the way I saw it, a DS Exile isn't going to be hurt again. They're not going to get attached to their soldiers – they've made that mistake before and it brought them nothing. They know how to say the right words to get people to fight and to die for them, and that's all it is. And for a LS Exile... they know the danger of caring, but they won't allow it to stop them from living any longer, not after they've spent ten years dead to themselves. And it's the human connections they form that heals them, that allows for them to touch the Force once more.

Obviously a DS Exile is bad and they should feel bad. For a LS one, though - the Jedi Council's repudiation of your powers at the end of the game used to really bother me until this part clicked. You're all a bunch of broken people who find each other and learn to move on. Even if you're drawing them in with freaky black hole space magic, they are genuinely better off for your presence, and it's because of who you are as a person, not any way you've molded them through the Force.

#kotor #kotor 2 #kotor ii #atton rand #bao-dur #visas marr #mira #handmaiden #mical #disciple #the exile #jedi exile

[luminary-sunflower]

Friday, January 19, 2024

Everyone is waiting for the light Be afraid, don't be afraid The sun is shining out of my eyes It will not set tonight

Prompts taken from 7Cups 🍵

🍵How do I practice self compassion when struggling with depression?

I acknowledge the little things. Every achievement, no matter how small, is something to be proud of. I remind myself despite my lack of motivation/energy, all of my skills and aspirations are still there. I will get back to them in time, when it's right for me.

Gratitude, too. All of the small things in life that give me comfort or make life easier can be cherished.

I am patient with myself and with life. Things may pile up, but I can get through them. I may fall behind what I expected, but I am still making progress.

Sometimes the best progress comes after a period of rest. I can feel guilty about pushing myself to burnout, but I can also use this time to identify stressors that I can manage more effectively in the future.

🍵What are some positive things that can come from experiencing anxiety?

For me anxiety means I can slow down my thinking before taking action. Sometimes this means I have racing thoughts, but over time I'm learning how to carefully listen to what my fears are. They be irrational, but there may be a kernel of truth in them that is worth listening to. This has made me a more conscientious person and my loved ones say that I help them plan things thoroughly and consider options they otherwise wouldn't have.

🍵What can I let go of today?

I've let go of a lot of items this month. I really appreciate having a less cluttered space. It's given me new appreciation for the things I have and use regularly. Mentally, though, I want to and *can* let go of the belief I need others to "get" me. Some people refuse to understand me. Some people just made the choice to never have empathy or sympathy or even try for me, and that doesn't reflect negatively on myself. I don't have to make myself smaller for everyone to accept who I am.

✝️ I've really liked Job this month. And that Star Trek quote "It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose, that is not a weakness, that is life" (or something like that - don't quote me).

When I was atheist, well more like agnostic, I felt like everything was so nihilistic. And then I realized that if nihilism can't be proven false, then I can just choose something else. What could someone tell me? No? Why would they think it would matter to tell me no if it doesn't matter? ☺️

I accepted my resentments with no justification. We need something more complex than that to cope rationally, it's just the human condition. We do better when things have meaning. And we have enough of God's image in us to make that image clearer with guidance.

The problem of evil with my atheist worldview is that it just is. It is just evil. It is just cruel. Accepting God means accepting that it doesn't have to be evil. It doesn't have to be cruel. It can just be. You can accept the bad things, because you are grateful that you are human enough to perceive them as bad. That means you have wisdom, a soul. All of these things are going to happen - famine, disease, death. But if you blame the actors in this world or even yourself, you're not seeing the full picture. You could find the director of the act you play and see the world as a story with themes and lessons, not abject and irrational suffering. And the best part about adopting this belief is that it will come true the stronger you believe it. You can act better in line with your role now.

And I have better ways to spend my time than engaging in addictive drama (when I'm in line with my goals that is). Did God know Eve would eat it, like Jesus knew Judas would betray him? Is that why women aren't afraid of angels when they speak to them? That's more fun. But helping others still matters. That's why I want to be more active on 7Cups. ^__^

Anyway... My new Pinhead figure should be coming TODAY! But it has my old apartment number (same building). I'm worried about this but trying to work up the courage to ask for help maybe even knock on the door of that person if needed.. Sigh. I don't want to. I feel silly. But you know in the grand scheme of things it isn't a big deal. I've solved much worse.

#sunnyside updates #blog

[zeroar]

It seems to me that humans tend to jockey for dominance, then they end up forming gangs called families, companies, religions, states, etc., all of which are fundamentally representative of gangsterism—the best description of that I've come across being from Barrigton Moore, Jr.: "a form of self-help which victimizes others."

If it's for survival, even if it's for justice and equity, gangsterism or jingoism can be argued in favor of. Yet, as soon as the scales tip past leveling and equity to committing injustice, hoarding, and greed, it becomes something which should be alien to humankind. Or at least, I'd like that to be alien to humankind.

And, even when it is for protecting victimized and oppressed groups, they're usually being victimized by another group, another "gang". The victimizing part isn't a requirement for a group of humans yet as soon as the advantage comes to a group they almost immediately attack others in the name of shoring up their defenses, their "risks". People like to say there are no victimless crimes, but there are also no perpeptrator-less crimes. If one is under a boot, another is wearing the boot.

I'm not saying this criticism as castigation. It's an attempt to work out why I feel so hopeless when I think of human history, human civilization, and why I despair when I wonder if there is ever going to be a better future or if it will just always be more of the same.

Are humans ever going to be united or is the best we can hope for some houses of cards built on a foundation of vendettas over atrocities, real and imagined, misplaced or not, ongoing and ancient.

I've researched a lot into the process of dehumanization. It's a harrowing topic to read, let alone see in the world. Every in-group, every gang, feels that pressure of us versus them, and that feeling is even encouraged. It's not just friendly competition even when it's between children. The takers and the taken-from.

It is so much easier to dehumanize when it is a group outside your own. Almost as though every group of humans considers their group as the real humans while the rest are merely background, even before they need to justify a reason to attack.

I don't have an answer. I don't even know what to hope for. I've been taken from. I benefit from others being taken from. I've probably taken. I've given freely and there are times I've been in need where I was given what I needed and other times where I wasn't.

Is it just the human condition? Human nature? Is there no hope?

I don't understand most of the hierarchical loyalties that humans possess, but I do understand being identified as lesser and the fear, uncertainty, and insecurity that can bring. I understand wanting to be on the "winning side", at least to avoid being on the "losing side". I don't understand most identities individuals choose to care about (such as geographical birthplace/residence, sport teams, religions, ethnicities/family history, to name a few) but I understand a lot of people care about those things. Yet I cannot bring myself to understand how one can care so much about their identity in a subgroup as to not only victimize others but to do it outside of direct threats.

Giving your group the advantage? Unfair but OK, I can understand wanting security. Attacking and putting down the other group when you're doing fine? Is the idea that if you don't constantly expend energy to put down others that the first chance they get you'll be the victim?

Do they just feel threatened all the time?

...

Though I dont have hope for a better future on the species-level, I do acknowledge that progress can be made in other ways. And setbacks are arguably even easier than the status quo and need to be protected against as well. So I will never advocate not trying to make the world better and I will never advocate giving up.

I only worry that humankind cannot be better as a species. That "self-help through victimization" is both human nature and inevitable in any group larger than the individual. Even when it's not eat or be eaten, but eat everything while others starve.

#about me #thoughts #hopelessness

[princessmia-tarot]

Hello! If you're still accepting free readings, I would love one! I would want to know what channeled message you're able to get from M or about the overall situation with M? (Whatever you pick up on and its easier for you its fine with me) They're a very close friend and I love them a lot, but we're not on very good terms rn due to not so correct actions on their part (which I'm willing to work on with them even if i know it's going to be hard), I want to get closer to them again. Honestly, I would even be open to taking things further with them in the romantic sense as well one day in the future. They are an aqua sun leo moon. Thank you so much in advance! I'm JC and a scorpio moon and sun 🖤🫀

Hello JC,

Certainly, I can provide you with a channeled message about your situation with M, considering the presence of the Devil card.

The Devil card often represents situations where there is a sense of temptation, bondage, or entanglement. It suggests that there may have been some challenging or unhealthy dynamics in your relationship with M. It's possible that both of you have been drawn into patterns or behaviors that aren't serving your connection well.

The message I'm receiving here is that it's essential for both you and M to be aware of any negative patterns that might be at play. It's a time for self-reflection and acknowledging any unhealthy attachments or behaviors that might have contributed to the current situation.

While the Devil card can signify challenges, it also indicates that you have the power to break free from these patterns. It's a call to confront any issues or temptations that have been negatively impacting your relationship. It may involve open and honest communication about what went wrong and a willingness to work on those aspects.

Taking things further in a romantic sense is a possibility, but it's crucial to address the underlying issues first. Working through any difficulties and striving for a healthier, more balanced connection should be the priority.

Remember, healing and growth are possible when both parties are committed to positive change. It might be a challenging journey, but it can lead to a more profound and healthier bond with M.

If you have any more questions or need further guidance, please feel free to ask. Wishing you the best in your journey with M. 🌟❤️

xx

Mia ♥

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#tarot #tarot cards #tarot readings #cartomancy #card reading #major arcana #minor arcana #intuitive #witchcraft #witchcore #real witches #tumblr witches #witches of tumblr #divination #australian witches #witchblr #oracle card #oracle cards #oracle reading #free reading #free tarot reading #small business #etsy #etsy shop #australian #australian business #australian witch

[jatisampurna]

Benefits of trademark and branding that you must know about

When you consider some of one of the most effective companies out there (Apple, Nike, Amazon.com, Coke, and so on.), you know very well that some individuals follow them such as they do religious beliefs. But what makes these companies so effective? Is it because their services and products are better compared to their rivals? Is it their appealing tagline or effective logo design? Is it their amazing marketing research? Well, it is all that, and a lot, a lot more. So exactly what is branding and what are the main benefits of branding? Let's go into it!

There are various other factors such as message, understanding, tone, viewpoint, and overall personality of business that add to building trademark indonesia https://patendo.co.id/trademark-indonesia/ a great brand name. In today's globe, individuals are pounded with countless messages throughout the day. To stand apart from the group, not just do you need to have great services and products, but you also need to produce a great brand name. When done properly, a solid brand name can advance a company a lot further compared to it was ever thought feasible.

8 Benefits of Branding

Client Acknowledgment On the planet of advertisements, when a client acknowledges a brand's color, theme, logo design, and so on., they are more most likely to choose that item over all others. This is because they are currently acquainted with your brand name and what it stands for. From something simple and minimalistic to something wild and eye-popping, a great brand name will constantly be recognized in a sea of others.

Client Commitment Once a client starts to acknowledge and buy an item or a solution, great branding will maintain them returning for more. A great company with great items combined with effective branding strikes all the right keeps in mind with customers. This will increase client commitment over time. A fine example of client commitment is Apple, which has among one of the most effective branding tales on the planet. It managed to develop a faithful following by building a psychological link with its customers. Brand name commitment is among the significant factors behind Apple's huge success in the marketplace.

Uniformity A great brand name sets the structure for a company. Once a company has found its branding - company viewpoint, shades, typography, and so on., all various other initiatives can be modeled about it. All future marketing initiatives can branch off of this structure. This trademark indonesia produces uniformity within a brand name and helps customers associate with it more. Imagine a business changing its logo design each month. Most customers would certainly obtain confused and not also want to buy the services and products from inconsistent brand names.

Credibility Every client has their trust problems whenever it comes to attempting a brand-new services or product, However, a solid brand name will help you set on your own apart as a reputable business with solid worths that customers can resonate with. Innovative marketing combined with remarkable services and products, incredible customer support, and fascinating visuals will certainly help also a small company develop itself as a major professional business.

Improve Company Worths If your brand name has a character, it's easier for individuals to associate with your company's worths and intentions. When individuals associate with your company worths, they are more most likely to want to work with you. Take Toms' shoes, for circumstances. They trademark indonesia are among one of the most popular footwear brand names on the planet, but the main point the brand name is known for is their contributions. For each set of shoes that you buy, they donate a set of shoes in collaboration with altruistic companies. This promotes a common psychological link in between the company and the client and is among the main factors of branding.

#branding #education #trademark

[klintyildiz]

How to respond to bad Airbnb reviews?

How to Respond to Bad Airbnb Reviews If your guests are giving negative reviews of your hotel You may be wondering how to respond. Although it's important to maintain a calm and respectful attitude when responding to negative reviews of your lodging However, there are strategies you can use to make certain that your response is toward a positive outcome. First, you should consider how you'll reply to the criticism and then wait until you've got a clear head. This will help you have the greatest chance of getting the best outcome. The best way to handle bad Airbnb reviews Reacting to negative reviews may be an emotional and difficult procedure, which is why it's crucial to do so as respectfully and professional as you possibly can. Before you write your answer do your best to look over the review thoroughly. Then, you will be able to manage your emotions and organize your thoughts, which allows you to convince the guest over. It is an excellent approach to show prospective clients that you care about their opinion. The best way to show your appreciation is to reply to at least half of negative feedback you receive. Although you might not like every review, some are quite shocking and can be a reason to be concerned. However, it is important that you respond to every criticism. Although bad reviews can be disappointing, they're not usually intentional. In most cases, they are in connection with business. Although it is impossible to solve each issue, a successful response shows that you tried at all times to fix the issue. Additionally, it provides the occasion to talk about their experiences to others and help to make an informed decision on where they will stay in the near future. A negative review can ruin your reputation. Even if your business has an excellent reputation and you're not looking to appear to be someone who isn't. Although Airbnb doesn't take away negative reviews yet, they'll still permit users to reply. The goal is to create a positive experience for future guests as enjoyable as you can. When responding to poor reviews, you should also acknowledge your mistakes and be sorry for them. You can also highlight any positive experiences your guests have had while at your residence. Look beyond the negative review to find what is the cause. You can avoid making the same mistakes by knowing prior to their occurrence. The best way to avoid future problems from occurring by addressing them. It is essential to fix any errors committed by the guest as fast as possible. It doesn't matter which sort of review you're answering to, it doesn't much matter if the reviewer is positive or negative. It matters not if they were polite and understood. Sometimes, negative feedback is genuine feedback. The guest should be thanked for their feedback and tell them you will take care of any issue. Be courteous when you receive feedback from a guest. has a negative review a sign that you are a reliable and reliable host. You may even encourage previous guests who are unhappy not to stay with you. The negative reviews you receive can be addressed publicly or privately. This is a fantastic method of dealing with negative feedback It is crucial to consider that prospective guests are likely to read your response. Being the Airbnb host, your primary goal is customer satisfaction as well as an accurate portrayal of your offerings. Also, it is important to make every effort to respond to every feedback you are given. A simple thank-you will demonstrate your skills in communication and can make it easier to avoid unnecessary difficulties. You must first get to learn about the worries of your guests before you respond to negative reviews on Airbnb. Sometimes, the guest is trying to find a way to make their voice heard. Sometime, people are trying to find a way to hear. A sincere apology could go a long ways. Although it might be tempting to respond directly to bad reviews It is recommended that the person who wrote the review respond before making the review open to the public. As with any other review, it's essential to take care to respect the experience of the customer and be sure that you follow the TOS. Be aware that customers have 14 days to write a review. Eliminating a negative review can be a tricky process, but it isn't possible. Airbnb is a great place to start a review with a transparent procedure. In some cases, Airbnb will remove the bad review for you. This is a way to provide your own perspective about the problem or instruct that reviewer to not bother with it. You can also respond to complaints by updating and correcting your listing. Guests want to know what to expect, and it's crucial to highlight any strangeness in your listing. Also, don't forget to include features that may not be listed in the listing. While negative reviews can be hard to read, the proper reaction can prove to a guest that you're an excellent host. If you are able to respond to an unhappy review in a polite way you'll have the chance to show your guest that you're willing to make changes to make things better. If you respond with a manner that makes the person feel satisfied, they'll be more likely to write a positive review. What can you do to address negative Airbnb reviews using positive attitudes It isn't easy to respond to negative reviews. Be sure to remain composed and professional. If you are able, take a few moments to carefully study the reviews and think about your response. You'll be able to manage your emotions and form your response in a way that will win your readers' attention and perhaps even attract visitors. If you are able to determine the reason for a negative review, respond quickly and politely. The reviewer should that you are aware of the issue and working to improve your profile. Provide a contact information of your guest when possible. If you are able, recommend a different contact than you, such as an agency's manager or friend neighbour. If the individual who was reviewing the complaint continues to act in this way respond quickly and attempt to work out a solution with them. Additionally, it's important to convey the matter in a positive terms. If you present yourself as negative or condescending, it can turn off prospective guests. Airbnb hosts must respond positively to negative reviews. This can boost the number of bookings you receive and also build an outstanding reputation if offer guests the benefit of the doubt. Show that you have taken steps to resolve the issue and have made sure that the experience was the ideal. By showing that you've acted in a positive way and you'll have the ability to make a difference in the mind of the person who reviewed your review and convince they over. When you are responding to negative reviews on Airbnb Always emphasize positive elements of the stay of the guest. If the review is long and long, it's not necessary to detail every single thing that went wrong. It will allow the guest to forget the negative aspects of their experience, but still giving the host a possibility to correct the problem. reviews day are a big problem for hosts. It's difficult dealing with a bad review, it is critical to stay professional and positive. If you are able, approach the guest and ask for a change in their review. This is the simplest way to proceed, even when it seems difficult. Be careful not to let a negative feedback on your experience using Airbnb put you down. Try not to get frustrated or aggressive. Be aware that people are reading through your review and will make better choices if they leave negative feedback. Be respectful and let them know the customer that you're sorry about the inconvenience. It isn't easy responding to reviews that are negative on Airbnb. But it's crucial to ensure your brand's reputation is maintained. Respond to all reviews professional. Your responses show guests you're aware and can handle these situations. Additionally, it makes the guest feel comfortable when they speak to them. Airbnb will not remove bad reviews. But, you are able to respond to them publicly through writing a written response or writing a review. You can do this for up to 14 days from the time that your review was published. In this way you'll turn one-time visitors into repeat customers , and also attract new clients. If the review is false, Airbnb will not remove the review. You must file an official complaint in order to have your review taken off. It will make sure that you don't appear to be the villain. You must respond quickly to any adverse impact that may occur to your Airbnb listing. This will ensure that you don't create worse. Negative feedback is sometimes valid feedback. It is possible to show your future customers your appreciation when you respond to reviews that are negative. If your guests are dissatisfied they are not satisfied, it is possible to encourage them to return if you take the time to resolve their problems.

#airbnb

[into-daylight-hope]

Qui-Gon Jinn: Certified Hypocrite, Fascinating Failure, Mass of Contradictions

For starters, I am just going to let direct quotes from the man speak for itself.

Some excerpts from Master & Apprentice

Wise words.

Wait a minute...

😯😯 What the hell is happening here? All quotes are from the same man in one book.

Qui-Gon Jinn doesn't have an ounce of self-awareness and it is so hilariously terrible.

What is even better (or worse), this is perfectly in line with The Phantom Menace characterization .

I mean,

Remember when he said all this than spent the rest of the movie obsessing over prophecies, the chosen one and literally the future?

"He still has so much to learn of the living force." Qui-Gon Jinn about Obi-Wan in the council scene

After that scene

"The boy is dangerous. They all sense it why can't you?" Obi-Wan Kenobi about Anakin Skywalker to Qui-Gon Jinn

You see Obi-Wan, Master Jinn here has completely lost any sense of "here and now" between his crusade against darkness and divine mission to save the Galaxy.

This in turn, unsurprisingly blinds him to the fact Anakin is not suitable to become a Jedi. Or at least not ready to directly move on to becoming a padawan.

Anakin himself would suffer in a road that is not meant for him. But he is not planning for Anakin the child. He is thinking about The Glorious Chose One.

He is the chosen one. You all must, see it.

And yet from Qui-Gon's perspective it is Obi-Wan who doesn't understand the Living Force.

I have to say if he is truly a student of the living force as many fans claim he has been failing the class for at least 8 years.

Let's move on to another set of entertaining and horrifyingly oblivious quotes from M&A.

If you look upward you can observe Mr. Here and Now in his natural habitat.

He really acts like future is set in stone than thinks he is the right person to talk about about concentrating in the moment. Unbelievable.

Let's look at this dialogue again. In contrast with the excerpt from above.

He is all about the future when it suits him. But when Obi-Wan makes a remark on it he obviously should just focus on the moment. This is actually the third time in this post where he contradicts himself while specifically chastising or criticizing Obi-Wan for something Qui-Gon actually does.

Now I don't think Qui-Gon acts with malice. But it is important to point out his obliviousness has become a way of ensuring he is never in the wrong.

He suffers from an immense hubris. And a man obsessed with prophecies and chosen ones definitely has some kind of savior complex.

But notably Jinn doesn't actually want to put any effort into enacting real change with his limited yet existent capabilities.

He turns down a council seat in M&A because he thinks it would hold him down. From what? Dear God, the reason they offered him a seat was for different opinions. Qui-Gon can complain all he wants but one time he actually had a chance to make his opinions a reality he freaking bailed.

Why? He doesn't want to face his own limits. He can't bare to try and fail. It is much easier to sustain a superiority complex when you are complaining from the sidewalk.

So he fixates all this belief onto prophecies, visions that will magically cure the Galaxy. And of course his place to help fulfill them. To the point where it is the one thing that keeps him standing.

He has binded meaning of his life and belief for goodness dangerously close to his supposed importance in the Galaxy. (You can feel the influences of his former master)

His absolute refusal to engage with reality turns him into mass of contradictions. Cause he doesn't know what he will find or become if he is mistaken in his belief of himself.

He can't face reinvention on the event of defeat.

But this situation was different. It had to be, because the only thing Qui-Gon knew to be absolutely true was that his vision was real.

Oh by the way, it turned out he misunderstood the vision. But when does being wrong ever stopped Qui-Gon Jinn?

No words.

Only Qui-Gon could have come near declaring himself a prophet after making a mistake. Maybe stop and reflect man? Just stop and think about your actions.

Obi-Wan Kenobi: I have a bad feeling about this.

Qui-Gon Jinn: I don't sense anything.

Of course you don't.

Honestly he doesn't have much to speak for in the cosmic force department either.

(There is the whole force ghost thing I guess. But I have no idea if that is more connected with living or cosmic force. It seems to be more about spiritual enlightenment. Which is ridiculous when you consider Yoda had go through so many trials, face his darkside, learn to truly let go just for Force priestesses to deem him worthy enough to study immortality. Yes Qui-Gon never became a force ghost but he had started his training before he died. And much of Yoda's tests on TCW was about self-awareness. It is not just about being a good person. How did Force Priestesses approve Qui-Gon "I was meant to misinterpret this vision." Jinn? I would understand if he became wiser after death and faced his flaws and all but he never was on that level before he died. You might say even Anakin became a force ghost. But I would remind you, Anakin in the end broke out of denial, acknowledged the wrong of his ways and took that leap to the light side. Self-awareness seems such an important key to becoming a force ghost. Right there with selflessness. Personally it doesn't quite feel right for a character whose biggest flaws are their lack of introspection and hubris which we never see him rise above to be the one that discovers immortality again. It feels more like a rushed plot point to explain how we get from A to B.)

This post got out of control 😂. I honestly just wanted to point out lack of communication might be one of the reasons Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon have trouble understanding each other but it is sometimes even harder to understand Qui-Gon when he actually says something. Cause ration is not what drives him.

Qui-Gon is such a complex character. He is undeniably good especially compared to other SW characters. Yet for all fandom's deifying he might be the most flawed Jedi we see on the franchise. (The ones that fell to the dark side not included.)

It is a shame wider fandom completely write off his flaws to the degree I can't even recognize the character when they talk about Jinn. Cause that Qui-Gon is so hard to feel empathy for.

When people constantly make statements like "He is The Wisest sw character." his hypocrisy stops being amusing. It doesn't end on screen or page instead often used to bash other characters.

An unbelievable analysis from Wookiepedia:

When Jinn saved the Gungan exile Jar Jar Binks, who in turn swore a life-debt to him, his compassionate nature was such that Jinn took the hapless Gungan under his wing, much to Kenobi's dismay. His empathy toward all life forms, including the most pitiful and unfortunate, was Jinn's greatest strength. Additionally, he remained understanding and patient with Queen Padmé Amidala. During the short time they knew each other, he never asked for her to do more than she was willing to.

You know out of the two, Qui-Gon was the one who insulted Jar Jar to his face. And he didn't took Jar Jar under his wing. They forced him to take them to a city where Jar Jar could have been punished for entering. Now it was the pragmatic thing to do. For all three's survival not for their own gain. Understandable. But compassion is just pushing it.

Also he never asked Padme to do more than she was willing to do?

Padmé : Are you sure about this? Trusting our fate to a boy we hardly know? The Queen will not approve.

Qui-Gon Jinn : The Queen does not need to know.

Padmé : Well, I don't approve.

And he is aware she is the queen, herself. Padme was nearly tearing out her because of this man in TPM.

What is weird, Jinn in his bewildering hypocrisy probably thinks he is being admirably compassionate with Jar Jar, highly understanding and patient with Padme. We clearly see he is not.

Out of universe he has been a force ghost for decades now but fandom is nowhere near acknowledging his flaws than he is.

And honestly SW doesn't have that many major morally complex characters. People like Maul, Palpatine, Anakin,Ventress don't think they are serving a higher purpose or oblivious to the evils they commit.

Emotionally complicated, yes. Going through moral dilemmas, no.

Three major characters come to mind who make huge mistakes, condone or commit atrocities while thinking they are in the right/with good intentions/for a greater cause. With varying degrees of culpability.

Qui-Gon. Padme. Dooku.

In that order.

Let these characters be interesting instead of demonizing nearly inhumanly selfless Jedi characters. (They make mistakes too but funnily enough they are still way better beings than most people on our planet.)

By the way I found the epitaph "Fascinating Failure" from the article here. Especially the last paragraphs make some interesting points. ⬇️

👀

This post might seem harsh but that is expected since it focuses on Qui-Gon's flaws.

"People are more than their worst act,” Quote from Qui-Gon Jinn in Master & Apprentice

#qui gon jinn #Qui-Gon Jinn #obi wan kenobi #Obi-Wan Kenobi #meta #character analysis #pro jedi #in defense of the jedi #long post

[lasquadrasfuckhouse]

hello i hope it’s ok to request this, but I can’t stop thinking about that like really pure tender-emotional sex with la squadra— I was wondering if I could request that as either hc’s ( or a fic with melone or prosciutto if you get a muse for it ) I don’t know if that’s enough to go on but aa the sappy thoughts are running around my head ; v ; ) please and thank you ( unrelated but I love your blog and hope you have a wonderful day/night 💘 )

OK FIRST OF ALL THIS POST MADE IT INTO MY DREAMS i dreamt that i was answering this and one of the points i wrote for ghiaccio was 'don't worry he can handle it he's a gamer' WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???????

BUT!!! TOTALLY OK TO REQUEST IT I AM A SUCKER FOR TENDER EMOTIONAL SEX

and thank u sm afjglfndng i hope ur day/night is wonderful too 🥺❤️❤️❤️💕 even tho i think u sent this like maybe over a week ago time isn't real fjgkfkfj I HOPE UR CURRENT AND ALL FUTURE DAYS R GOOD. here are some hcs for u!!!!!

la squadra and lovemaking ❤️

18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI

risotto ✂️

he absolutely craves intimacy. goin hard and gettin freaky is super fun obviously but to him the best, most fulfilling and satisfying sex is when he and his partner are just close as can be in every way

he wants to open up. create a space like that for him, where he knows he's as safe with you as you are with him, and you'll really see the incredibly gentle, loving, and passionate side of risotto. he knows how he presents himself outwardly, as cold and intimidating, but the thought of everyone seeing him as just that--or worse, seeing himself as just that--makes him feel empty and he hates it.

so be his safe haven where he can express just how damn loving he is, openly acknowledge that side of him and embrace it, love it wholeheartedly, and let him know that you know he keeps you safe in turn not just with his ferocity, but his softness. he'll be so full of love he'll wonder how he ever could have felt empty.

he'll want to make love face to face, looking into each other's eyes, kissing soft and deep, and just absolutely basking in how you make each other feel. he'll want to take his time to feel every single inch of you and leave nothing untouched. he could do this for hours and hours, all day really, and he's almost achingly gentle. do the same for him, feel and love his whole self, let him know that he is precious and deserves to be treated with care; his expression will go so soft (and he is more expressive like this). the way he makes his partner cum isn't just physical, it's euphoria and love felt in every way and he'll want to carry them there as many times as they want because he just wants to make them feel as loved as they make him feel

he's just quiet by nature so he still doesn't say much, he'd rather express himself in other ways and you're connecting so deeply that you hardly need words (depeche mode enjoy the silence plays tenderly in the distance) and he loves that, he loves that intimacy. but he will, as least once, maybe while you're getting him close, whisper an i love you.

you also get him smiling with his cute dimples, because of course you do. and tell him genuinely that he's cute; he doesn't hear it often, and it makes him feel loved. he'll be head over heels.

he'll hold you very close for a long time after, just being with you. he'll stroke your back and feel your heartbeat against his, there's something so beautiful and intimate about it. you make him so happy. he's really warm too, perfect for snuggling!!!!

prosciutto 🚬

his caring nature always comes out at least at some point during sex, but especially when you make love. the tricky part for him is letting himself be cared for, too. he gets a bit nervous about it in all honesty, and that's less about guarding himself and more about guarding everyone else.

help him see there's nothing to worry about. you know you're safe and loved with him always, that doesn't change when he allows himself to be cared for, and in fact brings a whole new level of emotional safety to the table when you connect like that. remind him in no uncertain way that he deserves it, too. remind him that he's human, and show that you want to feel human with him in any way he'll share with you. and of course, he wants that with you. he trusts you completely, and once it really clicks that it's a matter of trust too, it's much easier for him to settle into.

there's something so special and unique about the connection you two make when he lets his walls down in that way. he never could have imagined how amazing it is to let go with you, it's nothing he's ever felt before and he can't get enough of it.

he loves to give, he gives wholeheartedly and unabashedly, and he'll receive your love without hesitation too

the forehead touch. always the forehead touch. it's his way of connecting and showing affection. he may also nudge your noses together and close his eyes to just soak in your presence. if you initiate it, he'll melt.

he embraces imperfection with you and it feels so damn good. he'll get a bit more vocal--not necessarily louder, but breathy whines and whimpers and soft moans. he may get playful too, give sweet little laughs about how you're making him sound and kissing the tip of your nose. you get real smiles out of him with that adorable tooth gap. tell him it's adorable and kiss his cheeks, and he'll laugh again and smile wide and genuinely in that way that ur eyes close too cause ur just so happy u kno

he feels so, so fucking loved and it's so beautiful to him. he tells you as much when you're laying there afterwards and he's admiring every inch of you, every mark, blemish or scar, everything that isn't exactly even, admiring your beautiful soul. and he basks as you do the same for him. he'll thank you for sharing this little piece of humanity with him.

pesci 🎣

soft sex is his favourite. sex as a way of feeling close with the person he loves is what vibes with him the most, as an act of emotion and of loving and being loved in return.

it's a lot easier for him to be confident with that kind of sex/perspective on sex, because he knows he can just tap into his emotions and those of his partner. he really shines here, and he may still get a bit flustered because it's sex and sex with you and you're so fucking gorgeous in every imaginable way, but you still get to see this whole other side of him where he's just so comfortable in his skin and it's both really hot and really endearing.

he stops sort of separating or thinking too hard on just the physical or the mental or anything else, and expresses his love on all levels of being in a way that just lights you both up. he thinks being with you in this way is heaven on earth and he will let you know it.

he can make love with you like this anywhere soft and quiet and private, but aside from your bed, he loves the bath. he loves bath sex in general for the warmth and wetness and intimacy, and especially when you're connecting in this way, it's like.... he wouldn't consider himself to be poetic or particularly spiritual, but there's just something special about making love in water, maybe because we're all born from water, we all need water to live, all life on earth came first from the water. it's just something he thinks about.

he'll want to be face to face; he loves watching your face because seeing you in pleasure is so beautiful to him, he'll want to see your eyes flutter closed and open and commit the look you give him to memory, soft and sort of honeyed-hazy y'know but bright because you love him, and you're loved by him, and he can see it in you. he'll want to hold hands too, and twine your fingers together.

words come a lot easier to him like this too, because he knows there's nothing to hide and nothing to worry about, so he'll just murmur throughout about how much he loves you, how good you make him feel in every way, how he wants to make you feel like that too. show him that he does; he'll kiss you so softly and with so much love that he feels like he could burst.

he's just so soft and gentle in every way. he'll want to still just hold your hand for a long time afterwards.

formaggio 🧀

he's very emotionally in tune, that connection u create with a partner no matter how casual is a huge part of his enjoyment of sex, so he absolutely loves taking all the time in the world to just feel each other in every way and be so emotionally close with you

he often likes to feel like a big macho guy taking care of his babe but he loves being taken care of too because he can experience another side of your connection (and it's just nice!!!!), so when he really makes love with his partner he can feel sort of both at the same time and he loves it. he just feels so entwined with you.

he's still playful, it's in his nature. but when y'all get really tendie he'll be especially gentle with how he plays around. he'll tweak your nose and kiss your neck to hear you giggle, he just loves to make his partner laugh and he's laughing and smiling too

he also still talks a lot, he murmurs about how much he loves you and how incredible you are, how you make him feel amazing in every way, he'll list off all the little things he notices about you that he's just so fond of. he doesn't tease as much, he just grounds himself in the moment with you. it's also really hot and sweet to hear his words trail off with little laughs or sighs or soft moans.

he also has a lot of cute pet names for his partner, and he does still use them but when you get really soft like this he'll often just murmur or moan your name more than anything and there's something so intimate about it

overall you'll see an even more genuine side of formaggio (and he's already a pretty down to earth dude) because he really just feels most at ease when he's surrounded by love

he'll snuggle and kiss you and lay around for a long time afterwards, play with your hair, stroke your back, talk about everything and nothing and how much he loves you. his wandering hands may lead to more lovemaking; he just can't get enough of you.

illuso ✨

it takes a lot for illuso to open up like that. he's extremely guarded with his emotions. he very much desires softness, and there's something about being bare (more than just physically) that really draws him in, but he'd need a lot of trust to get there.

and it's not just him trusting you that's part of the equation either; he isn't used to being trusted. show him honestly that you trust him, and treat every glimpse of genuineness from him with love, and it'll go right to his heart. he's unused to being really seen, so if you see who he is and choose to openly share your heart with him, he'll be smitten.

ask him to just be with you, and he will, he'd love nothing more. reassure him that he doesn't have to think so much; you can both just let go and feel. you'll see a side of illuso where he's just in awe and a really pure sort of wonder of what you create together, this little moment in time and space, this experience across all states of being.

you absolutely make love in the mirror world. it's illuso's safe haven, and he wants it to be yours as well, it's an entire world where there's no one and nothing but the two of you and the love you make and that's so special to him. he'll want to take his time, and with no possible interruptions, he can. you spend hours together; he goes very slow and very gentle. he just wants you to know how precious you are to him, and how much he wants to be with you.

you'll explore every single inch of each other. he'll kiss you absolutely everywhere, and not just in the obvious places; he'll kiss your palms, your fingers, your closed eyelids, every mark on your skin. when he kisses your lips, it ranges everywhere from a mere brush to open-mouthed, deep, and languid. treat him with the same slow, thorough care, and he'll melt.

he doesn't tease. he'll probably be pretty quiet, but once he whispers that he loves you, he'll find himself just telling you all his inner thoughts, everything he loves about you and everything you make him feel: truly beautiful in a way he'd hardly experienced before, safe, so genuinely loved. if you express the same to him, that you feel his love for you in every little way he shows it and cares, that you see and feel his whole self and love him in his entirety, that he makes you feel precious, he will feel precious too. he may actually cry a bit. he's just so happy with you.

he's the kind of guy who likes to watch everything, but he's not sure what to do now: see the love in your eyes or close his eyes to bask in it. he opts to just go with the flow of the moment. he's completely open and unguarded, his hair is loose (if you run your fingers through it he'll sigh sweetly), he'll give you these genuine smiles, you'll get real little laughs out of him, and every sound he makes (including the way he murmurs your name) is so soft.

he can't stop smiling after, he'll hold you and play with your hair, and eventually draw a nice bath for you to share

melone 🍈

he absolutely loves soft, emotional sex. of course he likes being kinky and stuff too, but human sexuality as a whole is so fascinating to him, sex is such a beautiful experience in his eyes and he's very eager to explore different expressions of it. it's really interesting to him how you can define making love as something different than fucking when it's all still sex.

he loves the connection it brings. it's such a deep, personal way to feel close with someone and he wants that with you, he wants to explore each other in every way. he loves to learn new things about his partner and finds it so intimate when they learn about him too, whether it's something you've always done that he's just putting his finger on or it's a new development, like the particular way you roll your hips or how your eyes squeeze shut when you cum. point out a subtle habit of his too, like how his breath stutters when you do something he really likes; it makes him feel cared for. but even if there's nothing new to notice, he loves the comfort of your familiarity, too.

he's very open with it, you don't have to wonder what he's thinking about. he'll be murmuring softly about your beauty, how much he cherishes you, how you make him feel cherished too, how good you're making him feel. he wants to know if he's making you feel good, too. tell him so--better yet, show him--and let him know that you feel his love for you, that you feel cared for and safe. he'll smile and give you a long, sweet kiss. tell him anything and everything you're thinking of, he wants to know you in mind, body and soul.

and he is spiritually open and explorative and it fascinates him to think of sex as an act of creation, and even if it isn't sex to make new life it's making love, it's making a bond, and that's a special sort of creation too. he loves to create with you. he understands how it could be viewed as sort of divine.

he loves to care for you, and being cared for in turn makes him putty. knowing that he's truly loved is one of the best feelings ever and it really just makes him wanna cover your face in kisses tbh. which he does, and he laughs hearing you laugh cause you bring him joy.

he's also still loud when he cums but that doesn't make it any less soft and tender tbh because he's just wholeheartedly falling into the bliss you give him, he'll cry out your name and how much he loves you between moans.

he'll want to do this all day if that's what you want too. eventually when you're done, he'll cuddle you, kiss you, and still murmur all his thoughts to you while you both trace patterns in each other's skin.

ghiaccio ❄️

he gets really flustered about soft, emotional sex at first. not just because he's being vulnerable with you, but you're being vulnerable with him, and it's you, and he cares about you so much.

part of him is almost kind of worried he'll never be gentle enough. help him see that's not true, because he absolutely is gentle with you; he knows he can be brash which is why he's always so careful with you, especially in softer moments. you also love him for who he is, in his entirety, and that makes his heart glow. you trust him, and he trusts you.

ghiaccio is passionate, and he can still express that fire in him softly and tenderly. he'll hold your face in both hands while he kisses you, and while he doesn't necessarily kiss hard, he's thorough, and it mellows out into something very soft and subtle before he pulls away. his pace is slowed a lot, because he wants to just feel you in every way; he really relaxes into the rhythm of something slow and gentle, but still passionate, holding your gaze with his hands never leaving your body. thinking of sex as a way to express your love for each other, he can't help but slow down and be soft, cause it's you.

he also can't help but make noise, soft as it may be, and say your name. he doesn't half ass important things, and you're so, so important to him, so he just completely wraps himself in your love and does the same for you. express that, with him, you know you're loved and safe; he'll want to kiss you again and again and again until you're both breathless.

may not talk as much, because soft words don't really come easily to him and he's sort of self-conscious about it, but once he gets really into it and he does start talking he doesn't stop: he'll say how much he loves you and how badly he just wants to show that to you, how you're so hot and gorgeous and loving, and he doesn't really think of them as flowery words because they're just truth, and his penchant for honesty is such a wonderful way to know you're loved

ghiaccio honey why on earth were u worried about not being gentle. after he's cum once or twice and he's gotten some energy out he is so, so gentle, he'll take care of you so tenderly and kiss you softly. he just wants to be close with you.

his cuddly side always comes out after sex and he'll be no different now. he'll press you against him and hook his chin over your shoulder and tangle your legs together, his cuddles are the best. you definitely get him smiling too, cause you make him happy.

sorbet and gelato 🔪🍦

they're both fucking crazy in nearly all aspects of life and that includes sex, but they're also very passionate and very in love with each other and with you; they're no strangers to tender, emotional sex and they love it because it's such a wonderful way to be so deeply close.

they have no problems being bare and open with you. they're so in their feelings all the time that it feels really natural; they'll very openly express how much they love you, all the ways they love you, how deep and powerful that love feels that they just want to surround all of you in it.

gelato is more talkative in that sense, he'll spill all his feelings in between kisses with his hands on either side of your face. sorbet will give you a long, slow, deep kiss, meet your eyes, and place your hand over his heart while your foreheads touch. you just know.

you're all tracing every inch of each other while you make love, they want to know everything because they just can't get enough of you, the entire world is the three of you. they're absolutely basking in your attention, too; kiss every scar and let them know how beautiful they are to you, that you see them and you love them, that they have your heart as much as you have theirs. they'll melt.

you're safe with them. let them know that you feel how deeply they love you and you feel their safety, and that they're safe with you too, that they're precious. having you and each other as their safe havens and being taken care of makes them feel so damn much.

they'll both still get very playful, they can never take anything too seriously and they just love you so much, they want you all to have fun together. gelato will absolutely do that thing where he kisses down ur front like he's gonna go down on u and then blow a raspberry on your tummy to make you squeak (but then he does still go down on you and doesn't break eye contact the whole time so you can see how fucking much he loves you and wants to make you feel good). if you're ticklish, sorbet will definitely sneakily tickle you, or do something really good while you're in the middle of murmuring something to hear you devolve into moans. then he'll press his loving smirk against your skin. they wanna get you both laughing and moaning, it's the best sound in the world to them, and they'll be right there with you.

gelato is still loud when he laughs and when he cums but it's so sweet and charming because that's just who he is and he's absolutely embracing how you both make him feel. sorbet is the quieter one, but he'll hum and sigh and murmur your names because he loves how they feel in his mouth. he will also whisper to both of you that he loves you because he just wants to say it in every way.

they can go all day and they'll absolutely want to. if one of you needs a break, you'll just watch the other two and kiss them and hold them, the way you all love each other is so beautiful to them. when you're all well and truly done, you'll be tangled in a heap (they are always very cuddly) and they'll both be smiling as they just lazily caress and kiss you and each other.

#THIS WAS SO SWEET AND I HAD SO MUCH FUN THANK U FOR THE ASK 😭❤️ #la squadra #la squadra x reader #not safe fw #risotto nero #prosciutto #pesci #formaggio #illuso #melone #ghiaccio #sorbet #gelato #vento aureo #ask

[writertitan]

have you eve done the fluff alphabet before? They can be kind of long but I'd love to hear your thoughts on Levi!

this is so cute, i’ve never done a fluff alphabet! this is the one i’ve seen go around by @snk-warriors​ (so cute thank u for sharing)

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

I think Levi is the type of partner who starts up a new hobby with a partner as a way of bonding with them. Like, the two of you just get super into candle-making together lmao. I think he’d want to spend most of his free time with his partner, even if it’s just in comfortable silence. He really appreciates feeling safe with his person and relishes in the mundane.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

I’ll say it before and I’ll say it again. Levi doesn’t really have a physical type. He really pays attention to people’s character first. He would really admire how his partner is constantly trying to be their best self, and admires their strength, and he thinks it’s beautiful that they can see the good in life, because it helps him see the good in life too. He would absolutely love the most random parts of your body, though. Maybe it’s your cheekbones, maybe it’s the shape of your hands. Something that he thinks is so unique to you.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Levi is not a man of many words a lot of the time, but he is a man of action. If his partner is feeling down in any way, he’s there physically to help you through it. Over time, he makes little mental notes of what seems to help and what doesn’t, so that he can continue doing the things that help you and stop doing the things that don’t. If you prefer just being held for a while, no talking, he catches on quickly and offers himself up. If you need to talk, he listens and makes sure you know you’re the only thing in the world he’s paying attention to at that moment. He’ll know how you’ve calmed yourself down in the past, before he was in the picture, and takes up that ritual himself. Did you make yourself some mac and cheese to cheer yourself up in the past? He knows the recipe now, too. Very action-based man.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Levi, especially canon Levi, has trouble envisioning any sort of long-term future for himself. He’s just living his life one day at a time and pushing through. However, with a partner in his life, he indulges himself with little visions of the future. Things like marriage, children, are blurry wishes to him tbh, not out of the question but things that he won’t allow himself to indulge in. They’re kind of a given if you’re serious, and that’s enough to satisfy him. But near-future things are things he often thinks about. He wants to live with his partner, wants to think about how they’ll spend their next anniversary, he often thinks about what you both will be doing together for the holidays. Those futures comfort him immensely.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

I think it is actually rather equal with Levi. He has so much baggage of his own, that a partner willing to share the load would make him feel really safe. But, I think he’d subconsciously be more of the dominant figure. He dedicates himself to his loved ones, and would do anything for them, and his partner would feel that tenfold.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Levi definitely is an, “I’m too old for this shit” type of guy when it comes to fights with his partner lmfao. He’s not about the dramatics of fighting. I don’t think he’d really ever yell at his partner or vice versa. The fights would have a snarky energy - I can see him snapping at his partner sometimes, or making an infamous sarcastic remark when he’s irritated - but Levi would honestly rather just discuss the problem bluntly and get it out of the way. But my god, the man wouldn’t back down until it was all cleared up.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

SO GRATEFUL. I think Levi would be so thankful to have his partner in his life. He knows he’s a tough nut to crack, so having someone finally get through to him is scary but wonderful. He sees everything you do for him and I think he’d honestly be so emotional about even the littlest things, because he’s so used to taking care of everyone else. It’s almost uncomfortable for him to know that someone is unconditionally loving him, but he’s grateful he has that love. Never takes it for granted.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Per the above, Levi is a tough nut to crack, and I think it would take a really, really long time to fully open him up. Like, a really long time. Honestly, he may not ever completely open up about his past because it can be so dark, but that doesn’t mean that he would actively keep secrets from you. If anything, his partner would know him the best out of everyone. While he may keep some stuff about his past in the dark, everything else is no secret. He’ll tell you about his day, about what’s going on with his friends, all that good stuff.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

I think Levi with a partner would be a little softer, and a little more optimistic. I also think a big thing that Levi would change would be his ability to compromise (because I think it’s hard for him to compromise). He’d definitely be a lot happier and kinder to himself with a partner around. And, in private, he’d allow himself to be more vulnerable and actually show his emotions. Levi is a pretty level-headed person as well, and I think he would pass that trait on to his partner.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Levi is not a jealous person, but he’s very protective of his partner!! This is the hill I die on!!! He is always looking out for you, so if someone does hit on you, he watches to see how you react. If it’s funny to you, it’s funny to him, but if it’s creepy to you, then he’s already cracking his knuckles.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

I don’t want to roast this lovely man but I don’t think he’d be a great kisser at first LMAO. He’s so not used to being loved. Levi is touch-starved, confirmed on Tanny’s blog. I think the first kiss is okay at best, definitely awkward, and Levi definitely doesn’t really know what to do. He’s a quick learner, though. He’s a good kisser in no time, after learning how you like to be kissed, and after finally getting him to believe it’s okay to be affectionate.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

I picture it as word vomit (Levi’s version of word vomit tho, which is like, a couple of sentences). He’d confess his feelings for you once he just can’t physically keep the words in anymore. He’d definitely fight against it for a while but then the word vomit happens. I think, specifically, his first “I love you” would be quite intimate and very quiet, just a whisper in your ear when he finally realizes it. Realizing he loves you would be much easier for him than realizing he has feelings for you, so he wouldn’t even hesitate with saying it first, the sweet boi.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

I don’t think Levi had ever considered marriage before meeting you. But after meeting you, that would likely change if you wanted to get married. He’d want to spend his life with his partner, and whether that means marriage or not, it doesn’t quite matter to him. Just the promise of being together is good enough for him. If the two of you do decide to get married, it’s no frills. Tbh, there’s no elaborate proposal from Levi, but he makes sure that he formally asks you and that it’s special to the two of you. Maybe he’d ask you at the place you first met/kissed/etc. The marriage itself would be just as lovely and peaceful as the relationship with him beforehand. Not much changes, except both you and Levi acknowledge there’s an added commitment as spouses. I think both of you would really cherish your new titles as spouses.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Levi doesn’t strike me as the type to give their S/O nicknames like babe, baby, etc. but I’m sure he’d have a specific nickname that only he uses for you. Other than that, just calling his partner by their name is enough.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Levi’s quite the stoic man, so while he presents that way to the rest of the world, his loved ones can actually see the difference between an “in love” Levi vs. a “not in love” Levi. It’s not that it’s a huge difference, he’s just softer somehow, and there’s more peace within his eyes, and he even smiles more. Levi’s not a huge fan of PDA, so he’s not prone to showing a lot of affection in front of others. In private, it’s a different story. Once he gets comfortable with affection, he’s more receptive and more giving. In front of others, he’s more comfortable holding hands or putting his hand on your back. He may not be a fan of PDA, but his eyes are on you frequently, and anyone who catches him looking at you can see how much he loves his partner.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

Like I said above, not a fan of PDA. Doesn’t mean Levi’s secretive about his relationship at all. He’s proud to have his partner and proud to talk about his partner when the topic comes up. He’d be quite shy/uncomfortable kissing in front of others. Maybe not a fan of kisses on the lips, but he’d be more okay with forehead kisses, cheek kisses, etc.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

Levi is so protective over his partner don’t @ me, and it just also means he’s naturally more attentive. He’d notice if your mood changes, he’d notice if something was “off” with you, he’d definitely remember you mentioning wanting something in passing and then gift it for your birthday/Christmas/a random Tuesday like MONTHS later. Memory of an elephant and more tuned into emotions than people give him credit for.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Again, not overtly romantic. Levi is a straightforward person, very practical, and very simple. But he’d give his partner the moon if he could. He believes in making things special, though, so I think he would actually put some thought/creativity in romantic actions rather than going for something cliché.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Oh absolutely. Levi is so supportive of his S/O and is happy to help with achieving any goal. He truly believes you can do whatever you put your mind to. You could lean on Levi for help with anything. He’s not one to make fun of your dreams. He’d just give his best advice and help you get a move on.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Levi definitely prefers routine. He’s a simple man with simple pleasures, and his whole life has been quite unpredictable, so he really loves the simple things in your relationship. Loves your morning routine, your night routine, loves weekly date nights. Of course, he’d enjoy trying new things with his partner, but he legitimately can’t get enough of what other might see as “mundane” parts of a relationship, because he thought he’d never get to experience that.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Levi knows his S/O like the back of his hand. He wants to know everything about them but is also respectful if it takes time for you to open up. He can be empathetic, but it takes time for him to get there tbh. He would be uncomfortable with blatant emotional conversations at first, just give him time. He just wants you to be comfortable with him at the end of the day and vice versa.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Levi’s S/O is so goddamn lucky tbh. He would never, ever take his partner for granted. He’s slow to get the hang of a serious relationship, that’s true, but he’s always trying his hardest to make the relationship be as good as it is. The best part is that Levi doesn’t lose himself in a relationship, however. He values his partner and prioritizes them, but you’d never catch yourself in a codependent relationship with this man. He wants you to be your own person and he wants that for himself, too. You’re one of his most important relationships, if not the most important one, but he understands that you are your own person and he is his own person.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

Levi wears a ring with your initials carved on the inside.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

In public, again, not the most blatantly affectionate. In private, he’s more into it. He loves having his arms around you or vice versa. He just likes having the warmth of his partner there, doesn’t need to be something very sexual or very physical.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Levi would be more irritable if he’s without his S/O for some time imo. Have a week long trip you have to go on? He misses you more and more with each passing day, and he gets bitchier with each passing day. He does take it out on everyone else (poor fellas). If he’s not pissy, he’s otherwise quiet and just focuses on his own stuff until he sees you again.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Levi is extremely protective of his S/O and would literally put his life on the line for them. He’s kind of dramatic in that way, but he would rather suffer in your place any day. He would do anything for his partner.

#levi x reader #levi x y/n #levi headcanons #captain levi #levi ackerman #levi attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #aot #snk #levi hc #levi ackerman headcanons #levi ackerman hcs #aot hcs #aot headcanons #snk headcanons #snk hcs #sweet cherub anon

[chudleycanonficfest]

One Last Dance

Day 4, Story #1 is by @be11atrixthestrange

Title: One Last Dance Author/Artist: be11atrixthestrange Pairing: Jily  Prompt: Halloween Rating: T Trigger Warning(s) (if any): implied character death

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Harry was fussier than usual on Halloween night. Bath time was an ordeal, as Harry kept knocking the shampoo bottle out of Lily’s hand and splashing water at her. Afterward, the child almost refused to fall asleep; he wriggled in her arms and tugged on her hair as she swaddled him. Just because he couldn’t speak full sentences yet didn’t mean he couldn’t communicate; he did so with his eyes, and Lily swore there was a smirk on his face as she rocked and sang to him, until he finally drifted off.

Lily didn’t mind a fussy baby, in fact, she enjoyed the challenge. She cherished every extra moment with her child, and at exactly fifteen months, Harry’s newfound spunk was nothing but evidence of his emerging personality. He had her eyes, and she wondered if he’d get James’ messy hair, horrid eyesight, and infuriating charm. She grinned at the thought of a sassy and sarcastic Harry, star of the quidditch team, just like his dad. Or maybe he’d be more like Lily; sensitive and studious, top of his class, future Head Boy. 

Of course, there could be nothing remarkable about him at all. He could turn out to be average, maybe even terrible at sports, or join weird clubs and get below-average marks. Even then, if her son came home for the summer excited about a slew of ‘acceptables’, or stressed about Gobstones club drama, he’d still be the coolest person Lily knew. 

Whatever he turned out to be — head boy, quidditch captain, super-nerd, or even squib — Lily couldn’t wait to find out. It was funny how determined she had been to never admit her feelings for James Potter. Her feelings were always there, but that boy had to work hard for her affection. All Harry had to do was laugh, or sneeze, or wrap his tiny fingers around her pinky, and Lily was a goner.

With the stubborn child finally asleep, Lily shuffled downstairs to find that James had already cleaned up dinner in the kitchen and was pouring two generous glasses of wine, almost as if he read her mind. 

He beamed when he saw her — one of her favorite things about him was that he made no effort to hide his feelings, ever — and slid the glass across the countertop. 

“What’s the occasion?” she asked, raising the glass to her lips. It was bitter to the taste but relented into a friendlier, fruitier flavor once Lily committed to a sip. 

She never knew she could relate so much to a glass of wine. 

“Halloween,” said James. “I know you love it, and I’m sorry we couldn’t celebrate the muggle way.”

Halloween was always Lily’s favorite holiday growing up. There was something comforting about everyone’s sudden suspension of disbelief and willingness to face what scared them. She wished muggles would have embraced the paranormal every day, it surely would have made her life easier.

“It’s okay,” she said. “It has to be this way.” 

Lily wished they could hand out candy to trick-or-treaters, but the neighborhood muggles couldn’t see their home; not while it was under the Fidelius Charm. Staying hidden wasn’t what she had imagined when moving to a mixed-magical community, but for now, it was the safest option. The only option. 

James met her on the other side of the kitchen island, interrupting her thoughts with two fingers under her chin. “Definitely next year,” he said before tilting her head up for a kiss. 

Her eyes fluttered shut, and she smiled against his lips, wondering if Harry’s ability to make her heart explode was just as hereditary as his bright green eyes. There was something about those Potter boys that knocked her off her feet.

Maybe James was right, and next year, things would be different. They could get to know their non-magical neighbors, and Lily could take Harry trick-or-treating. He’d look so cute dressed up as a hippogriff, and no one would bat an eye when he’d insist it was a real animal. Kids say the darndest things, and on Halloween, anything was possible. 

“Next year, for sure.” Lily took another swig of her wine and relished in the evolution of its flavor, a delicious reminder that things change, sometimes so fast that she might blink and miss it. Things weren’t perfect by any means — they were in the middle of a war, after all — but there was no shortage of good in their lives. Not everyone could say they had a happy family, loyal friends, and really good wine. 

“Dance with me?” asked James, setting his wine down next to hers and tugging gently on her arm. 

It didn’t take much to lure her into the open space of the living room and settle into the crook of his neck. There was no music, but that didn’t matter; if there had been a beat, they would probably have ignored it anyway. 

“Do you remember the first time we ever danced?”

She nodded against his shoulder. Of course she remembered.

It was Halloween, sixth year, and James and Lily had been alone in the common room. 

“Happy Halloween, Lily,” said James as he approached her. “Today, you’re not a freak.”

Out of context, it might have sounded like senseless teasing, but it was so much more than that. She stared back at him, mouth agape, and wasn’t sure how to respond. It had been years — years — since they had talked about Halloween, and somehow he remembered a passing comment from her eleven-year-old self. 

“You remember that?” she asked, looking at him through narrowed eyes. 

It was her answer to an ice-breaker game during their first year — ‘what’s your favorite holiday and why?’ She hadn’t expected the confused stares at her response. In the muggle world, Halloween was the only day when she didn’t feel weird. Now, Halloween, and the fact that it meant something different to her than to everyone else, meant it was the only day when she did. 

However, she’d happily settle for one single day of being a freak; it was much better than three hundred and sixty-four.

“Of course I remember,” said James, smiling at her. His grin was electric, almost zapping through his messy black hair. Then, he reached out a questioning hand and raised his eyebrows. She stared back at him, wishing he would just use his words, yet she was impressed that with her, he didn’t need to. James always wore his thoughts on his face, in plain sight for the world to see, and never seemed to feel any shame or embarrassment for expressing them.

It touched a nerve for Lily, who had spent most of her life hiding. She longed for him to have to explain himself for once, to actually verbalize his thoughts instead of coasting by in his utopia where people just understood him. It wasn’t fair. “What are you asking, James?” 

“Dance with me?” he clarified. His voice was annoyingly calm and collected as if he knew she had been expecting him to elaborate, yet aware that he didn’t have to. He didn’t even flinch at her incredulous stare, confident in his request, as if asking her to dance was the most obvious progression to wishing her a happy Halloween. 

“Why?” She steadied her hands firmly by her sides, hoping James didn't see her fingers twitch toward his.

“To celebrate Halloween, of course.” His cheeks were rosy, his eyes sparkling, and his continued lack of reaction was curious. Despite her rejection, he committed to holding out his hand with confidence. 

“People don’t dance on Halloween.”

“I’m people, and I dance on Halloween,” laughed James.

She looked at his hand and considered it. Despite a few accidental brushes of her hand while taking notes or passing in the hallway, she had never actually touched him. And Lily had always been the curious type.

James followed her gaze to his hand and playfully wiggled his fingers. 

“Okay,” she said, placing her hand in his. His touch was gentle, firm, confident. It felt nice. “But there’s no music.”

“We don’t need any,” he said, pulling on her arm so that her body pressed up against his. It might have been too forward if she hadn’t fit so perfectly, but honestly, standing any further from him would have felt like sitting upright in a reclining chair. “If there was music, I’d probably ignore the beat, anyway.”

“You would?”  His soft voice immediately put her at ease in his arms, even though her palms were sweating and her heart was picking up its pace. “Why?”

“I’m too distracted,” he said. “Wasn’t expecting you to say yes.”

Lily laughed. “Then why’d you risk asking?”

“Anything is possible on Halloween, right?”

His arms tightened around her just then, not in a forceful way, just comfortable and supportive. She let herself get lost in the moment, swaying with James by the crackling fire, actually smelling, not imagining, his cologne, and feeling the prickle of his stubble against her forehead — when did that grow in? 

Maybe the next day, they’d go back to their usual dynamic, somewhere between flirting and arguing, annoyance and admiration. Or maybe, this would change things. There was something about the Potter boy and his messy black hair, unruly and uncaring, his glasses that should have made him look like a nerd but didn’t, and his annoying charisma that had an effect on her. It wasn’t a secret; they were both aware of it, yet neither felt the need to acknowledge it. At least not yet. They were so young, and they had so much time. 

“Was that when it all changed for you?” asked James, pulling her back to the present. “Is that when you finally gave in to my charm?”

Lily smiled at her husband. “Nothing changed that day. Nothing ever changed.”

James smiled, and Lily leaned into the sharpness of his stubble, a few lazy days unshaven. She melted against him and held him tight. Although his belly was softer, his voice was deeper, the circles under his eyes were darker, reflecting fifteen months of erratic sleep schedules, nothing about him had changed. 

The moment was broken by the sobering sound of a baby crying. Both Lily and James groaned as they pulled away from one another and swiftly turned their focus to their child. 

“I’ll put him back to bed,” said Lily.

“I can do it,” interrupted James. “You bathed him.”

Lily thought of the miniature James crying in his crib, and her heart clenched. It had only been minutes since she last snuggled him, and she already missed the child. “I really want to,” she said. 

James nodded, but his gaze was not on Lily. “Okay. I will meet you upstairs, then. I want to check the wards — I thought I saw some movement outside.”

Lily squinted at the window, her heart rate rising.

“It’s probably nothing,” said James.

Reaching for her half-full glass of wine, Lily nodded. “Alright, I’ll meet you upstairs. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

With one last glance at her husband, Lily made her way up the stairs toward Harry.

Harry, the child who always scrunched up his face when he slept, pursing his lips and crinkling his nose like he just ate a lemon. The boy with her eyes and James’ smile, who was already the best kid ever, even though his personality had yet to be determined. The kid who had a temper, but always calmed down the moment his mother wrapped her arms around him, the stubborn, determined one who could melt Lily’s heart with a single look. 

Her son, Harry, who she couldn’t wait to watch grow up, yet she hoped would never change.

#chudley canon fest #hp canon pairings #hp canon romantic pairings #jily #james x lily

[stillbandofbrothersthirsty]

As Far As Friends Go

Chapter 26 (Chapter 1; Chapter 2; Chapter 3; ... Chapter 25)

The Last Chapter - May 1946

Emily’s mother frittered about smoothing the creases of Emily’s dress and plucking at non-existent lint.

“Mom, mom...mother!” Emily waved her mother away. “Let it be, I’m fine,” she tried to keep her voice calm.

Her mother took a step back with her mouth pursed. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Mom,” Emily raised her eyebrows in warning.

Her mother had the decency to direct her judgmental look at the floor. “It’s just,” she said in a hushed voice, “a divorcee?”

“Yes,” Emily said dryly, somehow this subject continued to come up. Emily probably wouldn’t have told her parents that Nixon was divorced if it could have been avoided. However, between the end of the war and the scramble to prepare for their future, the last year had been a whirlwind. “But let’s not forget, he was also a Captain!” That title had originally excited her parents when she first broke the news of their engagement, before they had learned the wedding had to be postponed until Nixon’s separation from Kathy was finalized.

That reminder seemed to perk Emily’s mother up slightly, “yes, a Captain. It was really quite nice of Lewis’ family to contribute as much as they did,” the compliment sounded obligatory. Emily’s mother would never truly comment on the Nixon’s wealth, it was undignified. But Emily was sure that fact somewhat amended Lewis’ disgraced martial status in her mother’s mind.

“Your father wasn’t pleased about it but you know how he can get. He wants to be the one to give you everything,” her mother continued. Emily began to tune out her mother’s ramblings. Once again she found herself wishing for more female friends so that she didn’t have to endure this time alone with her mother. Unfortunately, her cousins all had babies to attend to and had already excused themselves from the dressing room.

A knock at the door sounded and Emily felt instant relief. Finally, some sort of distraction from her nerves. She moved to open the door but her mother beat her to it. The door opened to the apprehensive face of George Luz, “uh, hi,” he said to Emily’s mother. Then his eyes landed on Emily. George let out a low whistle, “wowza, you look incredible!” he said appreciatively.

Emily blushed and smoothed her skirt, “thank you, George.”

“I got somethin’ here for ya,” George held up an envelope. He glanced at her mother for permission and her mother stepped aside to let him in. “Well,” George said, “Joe had it for ya but it was easier for me to run it over, because, well you know,” he shrugged and handed her the letter heavy with postage.

It was addressed in Marwa’s handwriting; her sweet friend had remained in Europe and was unable to make the trip to Chicago. But Emily and Nixon had made plans to meet up with her over their honeymoon

“Who’s that from, dear?” Emily’s mother asked.

“A friend, remember the nurse?” Emily responded already opening the envelope.

“Which nurse? I don’t remember a particular nurse.. oh that Arab girl?”

Emily shot George a look. “Mrs. Rooney is it?” George interrupted, “I’ve been looking forward to meeting you!” Emily mouthed her gratitude to him as he directed her mother to the settee. George winked and held up a thumb behind her mother’s back. “You know I’ve never been to Indiana, are there many churches there? I wouldn’t want to go if there wasn’t anywhere to attend mass on Sunday,” George’s flattery faded away as Emily turned her attention to the letter.

Marwa’s beautiful calligraphy transported Emily back to the last time she saw her friend. Their goodbye had been tearful, mostly on Emily’s part. But the friends had stuck to their commitment to write. It was in a letter to Marwa that Emily first put into words Nixon’s unconventional proposal.

Nearly a year ago Emily had stood beside Nixon looking down into the breathtaking Bavarian landscape from a balcony in Hitler’s Eagles Nest.

“Lew,” she placed a cautious hand on his hip, “what’s next for you?” It was a loaded question. Deployment to the Pacific was still an option. Emily was free to return to the states when she pleased but so many things between her and Nixon remained unresolved. The past few weeks had been a dream supplemented by good food and beautiful scenery. Emily had felt hope return to her - hope that extended beyond the end of the war. She wanted to know what life would look like next year, five years from now, and beyond. The first step in preparing for the future was to find out where Nixon saw himself.

Life had returned to Nixon the past few weeks; the receding war and his submission to Emily’s love had begun to heal him. Their time in Bavaria had been a relative heaven, but a temporary heaven.

Nixon pulled his gaze away from the captivating view to look into the grey eyes that had guided him through so much. “Dick and I are going to re-deploy to the Pacific,” he said matter-of-factually. There was no sugar coating it. He and Emily had found their sweet spot of upfront honesty. 


Emily nodded as if she had expected as much, “and then?” she asked.

Nixon had hoped she would ask that. He had seen the footage coming out of the Pacific - he needed her hope to get him out alive, he needed her to have a vision of ‘after’. “Well, I’ll go back to New Jersey, marry you and I don’t know, buy a house or something,” he leaned on the balcony.

An impulsive smile spread across Emily’s face, “marry me? Di- did you just propose to me, Lewis?”

He smirked, “I suppose I did.”

Emily narrowed her eyes playfully at him, “you suppose? Do you even want to marry me?”

“People get married all the time for many different reasons, they’re lucky if it’s for love. You should understand that better than anyone,” Nixon said, “and I love you, so yeah I want to marry you.”

Emily bit her lip to keep the smile from overtaking her face, “well who say’s I want to marry you?”

“If you were smart, you’d marry me now and hope I get blown up over Tokyo. Take me for everything that I’m worth,” Nixon joked darkly.

“Lewis!” Emily smacked his arm. He chuckled. “That’s terrible,” she admonished him, “besides I’m pretty sure Kathy beat me to that.”

“Touche.”

“That is the question though…” Emily’s tone turned serious.

“Yeah,” Nixon turned back to look out onto the landscape, “are you up to waiting for me?”

“I’ve already waited years for you to come around, what’s another few?”

Luckily, they only had to wait a year. Now, Emily found herself standing at the entrance of a grand room dressed in white holding onto her fathers arm for dear life. The loss of the marital sacrament had been a blow to her parents but after a lot of tears they had accepted that their daughter was getting married in a club hall, not a church. Emily couldn’t be bothered where she got married. Planning the wedding had been exhausting and distracting from what she’d actually been interested in planning: the honeymoon. Emily had spent far too much time mediating between her mother and her future mother-in-law.

The first couple of months back in the states, Emily had been a guest at the Nixon’s many properties along the eastern seaboard. New York City had been fun, until her mother came to visit and meet her future in-laws. Though cordial, the mothers seemed to agree on very little. However, they did manage to unite in order to bully Emily into wearing the gaudy ring Lewis had bought her out of obligation.

But Emily didn’t consider that her real engagement ring - it was simply for appearances sake. The ring she would wear as his wife would be a gold band engraved with flora. Nixon and Emily had picked it up in Paris on their way home to the states. That was all Emily had wanted. It was more fitting; a simple testament to how they had grown as individual’s and in their relationship. An ornate diamond strongly juxtaposed the world in which they had fallen in love.

As the wide doors to the hall swung open, Emily’s father squeezed her hand. “I’m so proud of you,” he whispered. Emily looked up at him in shock but her ever stoic father was already looking straight ahead as if nothing had been said. But his words were monumental, that’s all she had ever wanted to hear from him.

The view down the aisle seemed incredibly long. The people who sat closest to the door were the people Emily knew the least; family friends from her parents church, the Nixons’ obligatory invitees. Emily’s hand grew sweaty around her bouquet as she gritted her teeth into a smile. She didn’t want any of them to see how nervous she was.

She began to relax as her father led her past the faces of her friends who sat closer to the front; her first co-workers from the O.S.S., the grinning faces of Harry Welsh, Frank Perconte and Babe Heffron. Emily’s throat closed with emotion as she passed Bill Guarnere and Joye Toye who wobbled, but leaned on each other, both determined to stand for the bride. Joe Toye smiled and nodded slightly from where he stood, “not just a work-wife,” he whispered jokingly as she passed. Emily’s giggle sounded nervous but confidence surged within her at his acknowledgement. Finally, the view of the altar was clear in Emily’s vision; she saw Dick Winters standing proudly beside Nixon. Suddenly, she felt so overwhelmed by emotion that she could hardly bring herself to look at her future husband.

George Luz was the first person to greet them at the end of the aisle. Emily focused all of her nerves on his steady smile. With a wink, he took Emily’s bouquet and made room for her mother to adjust her train. And then Emily was looking into the face of Lewis Nixon. The rest of the world melted away as he gazed into her sparkling grey eyes.

Everything that had happened to them the last couple of years had culminated into this very moment. It was in the moments without each other’s touch that they had learned to love each other; they had grown wiser with each fight, stronger with each shared moment of vulnerability, and in deprivation they craved only to give the other the world. Neither of them would have expected that they would end this way. That’s because this was by no means an ending; this was the beginning of life renewed.

Nixon took Emily’s trembling hands in his steady ones. “Finally,” he said with a smirk.

The End.

THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, to everyone who read this story. This was my first long fanfiction story and all of your support kept me motivated and encouraged to keep writing. Love you all <3

#As Far As Friends Go #hbo band of brothers #band of brothers #lewis nixon #lewis nixon x oc #george luz #joe toye #dick winters #emily rooney #fanfiction #completed fanfic

[brotheralyosha]

In sum, an openly anti-democratic political movement has secured control of the judiciary and is using it to abet flagrant violations of constitutional rights. It is simultaneously passing voter-restriction laws, and giving partisan actors greater control over election administration, in states across the country. Its most zealous recruits are joining county Republican parties in key battleground areas as part of a conscious plot to ensure that the 2024 election does not turn out the way the 2020 one did. Anti-democratic biases embedded within existing electoral maps give this movement a massive advantage in federal elections, such that it can rule in defiance of majority will, even if its voting restrictions and administrative chicanery prove impotent. In fact, if one simply projects existing electoral trends forward, one would expect the Democratic Party to lose its trifecta in 2022 and fail to regain one for a decade or more, a scenario that would give the most pro-carbon political party in the developed world veto power over climate legislation until the mid-2030s.

For now, congressional Democrats have the power to arrest the anti-democratic right’s momentum. They can pass voting-rights legislation that makes casting a ballot easier for all Americans, no matter where they live. They can ban partisan gerrymandering in congressional elections and mitigate the Senate’s overrepresentation of white Americans by granting statehood to D.C. and any U.S. territory that wants it. Such measures would not ensure “one-party government” (nor should they). Rather, they would bring the partisan composition of Congress into greater alignment with that of the electorate. As a result, the Republican Party would likely be forced to put greater distance between itself and its most reactionary wing.

Democrats can also pass a law codifying abortion rights. And they can reform the Supreme Court in a manner that would prevent the conservative movement from advancing its anti-majoritarian goals by judicial fiat.

Unlike Texas’s abortion ban, none of these measures would contravene constitutional law. Enacting them would, however, require abolishing the Senate filibuster. And for a critical mass of Senate Democrats, that is simply a bridge too far.

I’ve rehearsed the argument for the filibuster’s abolition many times over the past four years. Suffice to say, the Senate’s 60-vote threshold for the passage of major legislation is not actually a tradition (because it has existed for roughly two decades); it defies the Constitution’s intent (because the Framers considered mandating a supermajority threshold for the passage of bills in the Senate and decided against it); it is inherently conservative (because it biases the legislative process toward the status quo); and it is inherently anti-democratic (because it gives representatives accountable to a tiny fraction of the electorate veto power over all legislation).

The filibuster’s Democratic proponents never acknowledge these realities. Nor do they make any serious attempt to grapple with the nature of their opposition or our political moment. Arizona senator Kyrsten Sinema has repeatedly argued that Democrats must not eliminate the legislative filibuster to pass democracy-enhancing reforms because doing so would enable a future Republican government to more easily impose voting restrictions nationwide. Yet we do not need to imagine a hypothetical future in which the GOP runs roughshod over democratic rights. That crisis is already upon us. The conservative movement is wielding power far in excess of its popular support. The second most populous state in the country has already effectively repealed Roe v. Wade. Regardless of what Democrats do today, a future Republican Senate majority could abolish the legislative filibuster any time it wished. Banning partisan gerrymandering and granting D.C. statehood — which is to say making House and Senate representation more equitable — would offer far better protection against the reactionary right than the filibuster ever could.

Joe Manchin, meanwhile, cites the January 6 insurrection as an argument against democracy reform. In the West Virginia senator’s view, the more radical the right becomes, the more acquiescent Democrats must be. In fact, it seems that Manchin may not even be willing to support a budget-reconciliation bill that makes meaningful investments in climate infrastructure.

This asymmetry between each major party’s appetite for hardball is a defining fact of our politics. One party is so committed to its ideological objectives that it is willing to violate the Constitution to achieve them. The other is so ambivalent about its own goals that it fetishizes procedural obstacles to their enactment.

To an extent, this reality is a symptom of our democratic crisis rather than a cause. It is the overrepresentation of conservative voters that has left Democrats reliant on Manchin for a Senate majority. But whatever its origins, the Democratic Party’s inability to wield power with the fervor of its opponents has placed our republic in needless jeopardy. The time to go nuclear was yesterday. If Democrats don’t press that button soon, we’ll reap the fallout tomorrow.

#abortion #reproductive rights #us politics #democratic party #new york magazine #eric levitz

[xfandomwritingsx]

Hold Your Breath - Chapter One: A Blank Page - Draco Malfoy

-gif source unknown-

Description: After decisions put you on opposite side of the war, returning to Hogwarts to finish your education proves to be challenging. Maybe closure isn’t the only thing you need from Draco.

Warnings/Labels: Angst. Hints of depression. Unhappy reunions.

Approx. Word Count: 3,000

A/N: I’m trying to keep the reader’s house open for interpretation, but I think it’s pretty plain to see that in my head, she’s a Ravenclaw. I’m also not a fan of this chapter. This is the chapter in which I converted what I had written of the oneshot into a longer piece so there are bits that to me still have a different feel than the rest. Makes it a little choppy when I read it, but hopefully it’s not bad for you!

Story Masterpost

-

September 1998

The world looks the same as it always has outside of the train window, but it all feels different. Colors still feel muted and even though there’s less chaos raging behind the trees, they still give you an ominous feeling deep in your gut. There are familiar faces on the train, but not enough to make you feel at home. Eyes either avoid yours or stare uncomfortably long. You feel out of place. You’re not supposed to be here.

But, yet, here you are. Your classmates have affectionately dubbed it “The 8th Year” at Hogwarts and even that makes you feel ill-fitting since you didn’t actually attend any of your 7th year so how could it possibly be considered your 8th? You had spent all of last year in hiding, most of which at The Burrow working to gain trust and prove your worth. You’d spent the end of it fighting on the winning side and risking your life for people you once hated.

You don’t belong.

And right now, if you could, you might just get off the train and call it quits on the whole 8th year idea. But you’re already committed now and you refuse to be labeled a quitter. It’s time to move on and build a life for yourself and you know that starts with finishing your education as best you can. So you swallowed the nausea and stayed.

You are one of the last ones off the train partly because you don’t like being in the crowd and partly because you hope it might lessen the stares. Armed with a bag filled almost entirely of long sleeved shirts, you take a deep breath and step onto the platform.

The air is warm, though the threat of colder weather ahead lingers in the air. You yearn for it, having taken a liking to the cold in the last year or so. Trees still hold their color so you suspect you have to wait just a little while for it yet. At least it gives you something to look forward to.

You begin your walk down the platform, feet padding gently along the wood. One step at a time, you tell yourself. One foot in front of the other until they suddenly stop when the sight of Draco exiting the train a few doors down causes your lungs to seize. You’d heard he would be attending so it shouldn’t have stunned you to see him, but it did. You had chosen to ignore the fact that you’d likely run into him, instead choosing to blindly hope you could somehow avoid him all year.

The thinning crowd of people allows you to see him fairly clearly. He’s looks good, well and healthy even. The little boy who broke your heart had grown into a man somehow. Perhaps in the four short months since the end of the war, he had healed. Maybe he was atoning for his wrongs. A softness in your heart grows as you watch him, letting yourself briefly daydream about a happy reunion filled with apologies and hope for the future.

His eyes scan the platform and when they fall on you, your heart speeds up anxiously. His look is not warm or friendly and when you recognize the façade painted on his face, your girlish fantasies are wiped away. He’s nothing more than the same boy he’s always been, playing pretend in a black dress jacket and trousers with a coward’s fear hidden behind his steely eyes.

He doesn’t even acknowledge you, just keeps scanning the platform before adjusting his jacket and continuing on his way. Pushing back the anger you feel starting to bubble, you tighten your grip on your bag and make your way to the carriages by yourself.

~~~

Your memories of him have always come in waves and the last two weeks have been no different as you settled into your new, old routine at school. You can go hours, even days without thinking about him and then out of nowhere, a memory will hit you so strongly that you feel like you’ve entered a pensieve.

Even now, looking at him across the great hall, you can still remember his touch. You can still practically feel his breath on your skin, your nails in his back. It was pain and comfort all in one. You remember how he’d laid his head in your lap afterwards. You still can’t be sure if the wetness left on your thighs was sweat or if he’d cried while he laid with you.

You cringe at how you had so naively thought that was the end of it. You were his salvation and he’d wake up the next morning and run away with you to the other side, to the right side of the war. But those had been foolish, little girl dreams. And you promised yourself after seeing him exit the train that you wouldn’t get involved with Draco Malfoy again.

So why can’t you stop staring at him?

Maybe because he hasn’t so much as acknowledged your existence yet and that, more than anything, pisses you off even if it shouldn’t. Despite your vow to yourself, you crave him talking to you, looking at you, noticing you’re alive for Merlin’s sake! Instead, you feel like you’ve been completely invisible to him. While this clearly made it easier to not get involved, it bothers you. He’s taking away your choice to be rid of him which is just rude.

Fingers snap in front of your face.

“Do you just want to hex him and be done with it?” Ginny asks next to you, a ghost of a smile on her lips. One positive of this year; the voluntary segregation of sitting with your house had been all but completely abandoned, allowing you to sit with the very few friends you have. “You could probably do it with minimal punishment.”

“I don’t want to hex him,” you argue softly, forcing your eyes back down to the plate in front of you. Ginny raises an eyebrow at you.

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yes!” You let out a huff and poke the food with your fork. “No. Maybe a little bit,” you admit. She nudges your shoulder with her own and sighs sympathetically. Ginny was never someone you thought you’d end up close with, but after staying with her family during the war, she’d become practically like your sister. She’s a better friend than you’d ever had before. Probably better than you deserve too.

“Have you spoken to him?” She keeps her voice quiet amongst the chatter in the hall. You look at her, full of irrational guilt, and shake your head in the smallest fashion you can. “Maybe you should.” You look back to him and remember the way he felt on top of you, whispering your name and the way your legs wrapped around his waist. But then, just as suddenly, you’re hit with the memory of him walking away from you in the middle of the night with a hollowness in your chest.

“I think that’s the last thing I need to do.” You force yourself to stop looking at him throughout the rest of your meal and attempt to join into jovial conversation at the table.

Fate, however, seemed to have heard your words and thusly thrust her middle finger out to you, because Draco is suddenly everywhere. It was inevitable that you run into each other, after all, you had classes together, but he still seems to be within your eyesight an excessive amount; sitting right in front of you during lessons, resting under your favorite tree, always managing to be where you can see his face during meals. Your only reprieve is your common room which you’ve taken to staying in during most of your free time.

Going strictly to and from classes and meals has become tiresome though. You’re starting to feel like you’re back in hiding and can feel a darkness creeping in. You don’t have an abundance of friends at Hogwarts. Or anywhere really. The loneliness threatens to eat away at you sometimes, but you keep it at bay by keeping your nose in your books; a coping skill you’ve become entirely too proficient at executing.

But today you venture out, book in hand, hoping to find a quiet place with a little background noise to read. A change of scenery and a breath of air may help the frayed nerves you haven’t been able to shake these last weeks. Your feet carry you to the library almost without any thought. It had been among one of the first areas rebuilt and reconstructed after the war and though they built it much the same as it had been, it had a distinctively new feel to it.

It’s a bit of a bustle with people, mostly first and second years who think studying is still the most important thing they can do. Idiots, you think. You walk around for a little bit, admiring the fresh wooden tables and shelves, before gravitating towards a back corner. There used to be a couple of chairs in a back row of books by the muggle section that no one ever frequented. With any luck, it might still exist.

Fate smiles down on you, but it’s a wicked smile because yes, your little nook is still there, but so is Draco. He sits in the armchair in plain clothes, an elbow on the armrest, and his face propped up on his fist as he stares down at the book in his lap. His platinum hair falls into his eyes, yet he doesn’t seem to be bothered by it. He looks so ordinary, like he could be any man in the world and it irks you in a way you can’t put into words. He’s not ordinary. He’s not any man. He’s Draco Malfoy.

You stare long enough for him to sense it and look up from his book. And for what feels like for the first time all year, he looks at you. He freezes for just a moment, as though he’s shocked or perhaps scared at the sight of you. Then in a blink it’s gone, replaced by a softer tone in his eyes.

“Sorry,” he apologizes, his voice a rush of warm nostalgia. He closes his book. “I can leave.” Even though you’re negatively shaking your head, he gathers the bag at his feet and stands.

“It’s alright,” you try to tell him. “I’ll just go somewhere else.” He’s already standing up in front of you, ready to slink past. There’s an urge to reach out and grab his arm. You repress it.

“No, it’s fine. You like this spot.” He says it so quickly and his eyes flitter to anything but your face as he passes. Before you can try to say anything else, he’s disappeared beyond more shelves of books, completely out of view.

You’re left standing there looking after him feeling entirely unsatisfied and empty with the interaction. You can’t put your finger on or voice what you wanted to happen, but that certainly wasn’t it.

Sighing, you concede to do what you had come for. Even that proves to be too difficult because when you settle into the chair, it’s still soft with his imprint and warm with his body heat. It gives you the barest sensation of having him wrapped around you. It reminisces more than it should of that too-long-hug you shared before he’d kissed you for the first time. The memories washing over you make it too difficult to focus on the words in your book. You snap it shut and leave. The common room is clearly the better place to stay.

~~~

All of your interactions after that are all short and insignificant. He’s always there, but never looks your way. If he does have to speak to you, it’s always in a minimal way. It never fails to leave you frustrated and angry. Even your books aren’t easing your tension like they used to.

It's been nearly a full month now and throwing yourself into your studies hasn’t helped you any either. You’ve practically finished the coursework for half of your classes. Your homework is done well before you wish to go to sleep for the evening. You haven’t set foot outside the castle walls. You have so few friends, no family, and no one who can relate to your troubles. And the one person you’d counted on your whole life, your best friend and the boy you would have done almost anything for, barely even looks at you.

The suffocation of it all comes in the darkness of night. It crushes down on your chest and burns on your arm. Your fucking arm. You’ve scrubbed it. You’ve concealed it. You even went so far as to try to cut the skin off. Nothing works. That skull and snake are with you forever. And everyone knows it.

Some nights you can’t take it. You can’t merely lay in your bed and pretend sleep will come peacefully. So you leave your room. You wander the castle, trying to find those places that bring warmth to your heart and avoid those were people died.

Tonight, you go to the courtyard just to look at the stars. There’s something soulful about the sky. It’s where muggles look to when they pray to a higher power. It holds a universe more expansive than you could ever imagine. It could swallow you whole if you let it or maybe, just maybe one day it will show you how to be happy.

You forcibly don’t recognize that laying in grass and looking up at the sky had been something you and Draco used to do together. It works well enough to let you enjoy the activity again by yourself, but it blinds you to the idea that Draco might be doing the same thing.

You shouldn’t have been so surprised when you reach the courtyard and he’s there, leaning back on the fountain and staring upwards, but you are. When your shoe crunches on the gravel, his head snaps to you and with his own surprise, stands up.

Another short apology. Another move for a quick exit in the opposite direction of you. Your fists clench at your sides, unable to bottle in your anger any longer.

“Oh would you shove off with that?” you snap before he can slip back into the shadows. He turns and raises an eyebrow at you. “I was ready,” you tell him angrily. “I was ready to come back this year and hate you. I was ready to avoid you and shoot you pissed off glares from across the room. Then I get here and you avoid me!” His face puzzles for a moment.

“So you want me to try to talk to you so that you can tell me off?” A little bit of his old self, of the Draco you once knew and loved, comes through in an irritated eye roll. “Sorry to disappoint.” You let out a huff of air and cross your arms.

“Why are you avoiding me?” The puzzled look on his face returns.

“The way you’re reacting right now doesn’t answer that question for you?” He tilts his head and hums mockingly. “Not as smart as I thought you were.”

“Smarter than you are, clearly.” He grinds his jaw at your condescension and then he’s walking up to you, getting closer than he’s been all year and your bravery falters for a moment as your feet step you back and your arms uncross to hang useless by your sides.

“That’s why I haven’t approached you. I don’t need another lecture. I’ve been to trial. I’m on probation. I’ve had everything I’ve ever done wrong put out in front of me in excruciating detail. I don’t need you to give me another run through.” His eyes and his tone are cold, hard. You recognize it all too well and while he’s gotten better at hiding it, you can still see the pain underneath. It tries to soften you, but ultimately fails.

“They shouldn’t have let you come back,” you spit at him, instantly regretting the words when he pulls away. You don’t mean it. Of course you don’t mean it, but you say it with enough venom and hate that he believes it.

“We all made mistakes,” he hisses at you before glancing down to your arm. The heat of his stare practically stings and you have to resist that instinctive pull to hide it away. “I hear you’re the shining example everyone uses to demonstrate that not all bad guys hail from Slytherin, even despite the fact that you changed sides in the end.” The only reason you don’t crack your palm over his cheek is because you give in to the need to hold onto your left forearm tightly, your palm now busy cradling the skull of the Dark Mark underneath your shirt sleeve. “How’s that feel?”

“You’re horrid,” you tell him weakly. He tilts his head again.

“That is what everyone says.” He gives a shrug that tries too hard to be casual and finally steps out of your personal space. With a small shake of his head, he turns to leave again, but you refuse to let him get the last word.

“At least I tried to atone!” you call after him. He pauses, but doesn’t look back. “I did the right thing when it mattered!”

“And where did that get you?” he asks bitterly. “Where did it get your family?” You suck in a harsh breath and try desperately to hold back the tears that are abruptly burning behind your eyes. Dead, you think. It got them killed.

“They made their own choices.” It sounds rehearsed because it is. You told yourself those same words over and over again every night for months. Your parents weren’t good people. You knew that. They were still your parents though and when you heard He’d killed them, it hurt more than you want to admit. And Draco knew that. Draco knows your weaknesses and your soft spots and just how to twist a knife into you. Perhaps that’s why you hated him so much.

“You don’t bother me and I won’t bother you.” He still hasn’t even so much as looked over his shoulder back at you.

“Fine,” you answer curtly, your hand still wringing around your forearm. When he leaves, you allow yourself to crumple onto the ground and cry. You feel so much hollower than the last time he’d left you in tears. Back then, the air had practically crackled with tension and death and war. Now the air is silent, calm and that makes it all the more unsettling. All the more finite.

~~~

Thanks for reading darling! If you’ve enjoyed, I ask that you like, comment, reblog, or if you’re really feeling generous, buy me a coffee! https://ko-fi.com/writerashley

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[novantinuum]

The Shatter Wish

Fandom: Steven Universe

Rating: Teen Audiences (TW: Discussions about suicide, suicide ideation.)

Words: 1K~

Summary: You and Spinel have a blunt conversation while sitting on the edge of one of the palace’s high balconies one day. (Steven POV, second person.)

Disclaimer: This was actually written long before Steven Universe Future. As always, I take personal liberties on the way I depict Steven’s struggle with mental health, and acknowledge and respect that no two fans’ interpretation will be the same. In the end, this was mostly written as a vent fic, so. Please do keep that in mind, and tread carefully, considering the warnings above.

I actually have multiple more parts to this, but. Given the delicate topics they broach, I’m unsure about sharing them. Maybe one day. 

____

You’re 16 years and 2 months old (give or take a few days) when you finally realize you want to die.

Internally, you tend not to state this desire with such a blunt attitude. Externally... you’d never state this desire at all. But logically, in that tiny sliver of brain left that’s still able to conceptualize the world around you with some meager sense of rationality, it’s as simple as addition. Any lingering wish to perish, or to disappear, or for one’s body to cease to be, to phase out of reality forever— yadda yadda, any newfangled, metaphoric, delicate way you could ever dream up to describe it— is merely paper thin foil wrapped around a death wish.

Most days, you flat out don’t want to exist. 

Ergo, you want to die.

It’s such a simple leap in logic that you’re mildly surprised you didn’t come to this conclusion months earlier. Not too surprised, though. When most of one’s later childhood is spent in a constant state of threat and hyper-vigilance, you quickly become acclimated to such feelings. And eventually, with time, you can’t remember how it truly feels to meet any should-be-shocking scenario with more than numb acceptance. 

Hell, you can’t remember the last time you truly felt like anything, past the facade of all your too-big smiles and easy laughter. 

You’re so tired of all this.

“You ever just... want to stop?” you asked Spinel on impulse that day, dangling your feet off the edge of the palace balcony you’re both sitting on.

(You can’t help but gaze impassively at the vast drop below you, knowing full well that— if you so wanted— you could push yourself off at any moment... and choose... not to float. Thanks to your latent healing ability you know the impact would merely hurt instead of escorting you straight out of this mortal plane, but at least hurt feels like something.)

“Stop what, dummy?” she says, with a snort of laughter and a punch to your shoulder. It‘s far harder than she probably intends, but you barely wince. You’re well used to her unaware force by now. “Or is this supposed to be some sorta guessin’ game?”

You and Spinel aren’t exactly friends. At least not to the extent that you might call people like, say, Connie or Peridot or Lars friends. You don’t willingly ‘hang out.’ (Even today, you’re only here sitting on the edge of this balcony together because you wanted to have an audience with the Diamonds about various Gem society matters and they’re currently busy dealing with a cluster of unruly Pyropes.) You’ll probably never greet Spinel with anything more than a polite smile. Today is, in fact, actually the longest duration of time you’ve spent alone together since she nearly killed you two months back. But you suppose her intimate experience with apathy mixed with your lack of emotional investment with her is all the more reason to trust that— unlike literally everyone else you know— she won’t blow a big fuss over the topic you’re about to broach. 

After all, why would she care? Two months ago she wanted you dead anyways.

“No, no,” you shake your head. “It’s not a game. I meant stop as in... stop. End. Cease to be.”

All her enthusiasm brakes to an instant halt as she narrows her eyes at you incredulously. “You’re kidding, right? You’re asking... me— abandoned for thousands of years in a stagnating garden, me— If I ever thought about... well.” She blows a raspberry, and sticks her thumb to the ground. “Non-existence?”

You wait. She’s not finished yet. You may not know her that well, but even someone with a minimum of two interactions with this Gem would glean enough to understand her underlying nature: that she thrives off being the center of attention. It’s a vice you try your best to avoid slipping into yourself, when you’re not otherwise saddled with duty to Gemkind and unable to avoid the spotlight.

(After all, it’s easier existing these days when no one’s watching. When you don’t have to play pretend that everything’s Normal and Fine when it’s most definitely Not.)

“Gee, of course I did,” she says, sure enough. “Back in the olden days of Homeworld, they used to call that the ‘shatter wish.’ A colloquialism, that. All manner of Gems would think it one day or another, don’t matter their role. Beryls, pearls, quartzes. They’d eventually grow weary of the ceaseless dirge of Gem society, and would inwardly beg for release from the cycle.”

Your brows knit together, listening intently. “Release?”

“Some tried to shatter themselves,” she explains somberly. “Others purposefully sabotaged their own positions to convince their superiors to do the shattering for them. And then cowards like me, we were too timid to do anything but imagine that we never existed in the first place. But it’s a shatter wish all the same. Doesn’t matter how you envision it happening. And stuff like that...” Spinel pauses, pursing her lips as she stares beyond, at the hustle and bustle of Homeworld far below. “Even with the good times, it doesn’t just go away, y’know?”

Even after you stop talking to her, and you force your eyes away from the thousand foot drop beyond the balcony you’re perched on, even after your routine meeting with the Diamonds, even after you finally warp back to Earth and feel its familiar gravity reassert its hold on your weary body, you can’t stop thinking about what she said.

About the shatter wish...

...we were too timid to do anything but imagine that we never existed in the first place.

You’ve definitely dreamed of non-existence, that’s for sure... whether that’s by never being born, or being shattered at the hands of the Diamonds for crimes you didn’t personally commit, or something else entirely... And it’s been like this for a long time, since your early teens, you realize, cataloguing this new fact in your mind as easily as if it‘s of no more concern than today’s weather. 

So in a way, you guess a broken part of you has always wanted to die. 

Until now, you simply never had the words for it.

#su #su future #steven universe #spinel #su fanfiction #my writing stuff #suicide ideation tw #this is just a vent fic. i honestly don't expect many to interact with it and that's absolutely okay #just needed to get it Out of My Head because it's been trapped there a while

[pestopascal]

sidelines

Written for Bea / @elhuen ❤️ chargestep ft. Julia. Thank you so much once again for letting me write Hunter. 

Do you dare check the time?

Idle tapping on the back of the phone, nails clattering out a pattern that was likely not to be forgotten anytime soon. If you check, again, and again, and again, maybe it would’ve been only ten minutes. Maybe closer to three hours. Bite the inside of your cheek, and hold off that urge.

As it was nearly midnight, and you were still alone by the bar. Sure that your message hadn’t been sent, wasn’t received. Definitely wasn’t the first time you’d thought about that brick of a phone, and wondered if it had been upgraded. Run a finger along the rim of your glass. Would make it a right side easier to tell if a message had been seen.

So you sigh, where are you, Julia? A haunting question that you don’t let linger for too long, because things would get dark. Too fast, one light.

Shake your head out, and think of anything else. Come on, Hunter, you can do it. Wait for the bar to brighten again, for the condensation to touch your fingers. For the hand that lands on your shoulder, shaking you. A, “hey, fancy meeting you here?”

And you jump, just a little. Enough to get noticed and Julia gives you an apology. Shakes out her fingers in a way that suggests she thought it was static shock. Or, doing the both of you a favour, playing it off as such. You take the offering, because what else were you supposed to do?

Admit that maybe, just maybe, you were—

There’s no chance to venture down that path, as Julia speaks up. Flagging down the bartender in a way that was so casual, just another person in the crowd. Not the first time you envied her, or just. Sat back. Watched how Julia laughs, in such a way that was too open, too friendly. Like attracting flies with honey. 

Thought turning dark, and you’re leaking out. Can feel it on your face, as Julia notices you then. Perhaps you wish that time had meant she still couldn’t figure you out. Always looked at you like a puzzle she could put together with her eyes closed, and it hollows you out. When you remember. When you know.

“How have you been?” is the safe question. The dangerous one. Causes all manner of words to try to push past your teeth, to save her. Not yourself, not anymore. You stand in front of the mirror, every day, and can say it out loud with the aftermath on your skin.

Julia doesn’t deserve to know. You know it’s because she would want to save you. “Keeping to myself, mostly.” Idly run you thumb over the bright white scars on your pointer. Hold the finger there, callouses catching on raised skin. “Had to lay low because—”

“You said some people were after you. Yeah, I remember.” Always remembering. Always thinking — about you. Seven years, and Julia still looks at you with that honey warm kind of gaze. Welcoming and sticky, lingering on your hands, cheeks, shoulders. Places she had always asked to touch first.

Desperately, you tell yourself you don’t miss it.

“‘Course you do,” finally convince yourself to talk. “I should be fine soon. Just gotta keep my head down a little longer, and then I’ll move on.”

“‘Move on’? Hunter… you’re not going to leave are you? After—after seven years?”

Julia needs to practice her public face. Not a polite thought for you, as you look over her. Watch how wide eyes slowly begin to close, how teeth grit. “I mourned you,” she says, as one would say to a long lost lover, risen from the dead.

But you don’t consider yourself in that realm of possibility. “I know. I’m sorry.”

She wants to say something; you want her to say anything. Not the way she bites her lip, narrowed eyes and lines drawing it all in. Severn years had worn on her. Maybe you were truly to blame for the way that smiles never quite reached her eyes, and how her hand rests now, just shy of yours. Drinks long forgotten. Wants to reach out to you, but she won’t. Julia was a coward, still wrapped up in the shiny promises of Marshal, all those years ago. Never quite committing, which you are thankful for.

It hurts to think of her like that. It hurts that you have to pull away, because electricity finds your hand, and it’s too familiar. You need distance and you need anonymity and both of those things are lost, in the way that Julia wears her heartbreak on her sleeve. 

You need to drive the conversation away from you. Julia wants to save you. A heart beat kind of thought, that thrums through your veins. “What have you been up to since…?” trail off, don’t speak the word. Ignore the growing headache behind your eye. 

Incredulously. Looks at you incredulously, because you have become somewhat of an obvious master of deflecting conversations. Yet she will file this away to jump on you with later — you won’t be here. “I’ve been doing my own thing. Steel runs the show now, I’m old news.”

If you were still Sidestep, you’d nudge her. Tease her, about being ‘old news’. There’s an opening there, for you to swing right back into old habits. Old news. Old women. 

So. You side step. “Mmm, that’s what you said last time.” Don’t want to go back there. Here. It meant that they would find you, because they always do eventually. “Haven’t been investigating anything new? Like Hollow Ground?”

Get her talking about Hollow Ground. That fixation was always the perfect way to throw Julia off anything. Always sitting at the tip of her tongue, and her fingers flex in their hold. She’s debating whether or not to talk. You hope you can coax even a few sentences out. Say your goodbyes. Disappear for only a few days more, and then.

And then. Your debut.

Something in you tightens then. And it would be smart assume it was nerves, but you don’t get nervous. You refuse to get nervous. That would mean that there is some part of you, that looks at Julia now, and thinks of other things. Unnecessary potentials and futures, where you don’t tug up the sleeve of your jacket just a fraction, and you watch the condensation on your glass fall.

Her eyes are on you. Seeing something that you don’t understand or don’t want to. Because if you acknowledge it, then it will be real. And it may. Stop you.

Don’t make eye contact. Tell yourself that, as your hands find purchase on the bar top once more. “What did you want to talk about, anyway?”

“Is it so bad to just want to see you again?”

Questions with questions. An exchange that could go on all night. Looking up, you catch the way she looks at you in the mirror over the bar. From far away, she looks like you remembered, all those years ago. Convince yourself that time hadn’t passed, hair tucked into her jacket, that the falling smile was because something serious had crossed her mind. Convince yourself that you are seven years younger, losing yourself in the way she smiles and the freedom you had.

“No.” You lie. “It wouldn’t be so bad.”

Rest your hand once more, and hers lay beside. There is static and there is movement and she finds your eye in the mirror, where you are warped into someone younger, brighter. Better.

#fallen hero #fallen hero rebirth #chargestep #julia ortega #sidestep #hunter reed #elhuen #my fic