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#since they were waiting at pharmacy for stuff

lemonlover1110 · 9 months

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𝐌𝐲 𝐁𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝

Toji Fushiguro

[Chapter 3] Bugging Question

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Pairing: Toji Fushiguro x f!Reader

Chapter Warnings: Angst

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Acting as if you think everything is okay overwhelms you. As okay as things can be while you’re getting a divorce. Toji swears that he’ll sign the papers tomorrow morning, and for now you’re cuddling. You’re hearing some light snoring from his part, and you can’t fall asleep. Not because you’re bothered by his snores, you’re already used to them.

You might be pregnant. You’re thinking about that possibility, and the fact that you don’t know what you’d do if you were. That’s why you didn’t ask Toji to stop at a pharmacy on your way back home. You don’t want him to know because you have no idea what you’re going to do and you know Toji’s hopes of you staying together will go up if you find out that you’re pregnant.

“What would you do if I was pregnant?” You mindlessly ask, knowing that your husband is fast asleep. You so badly want to stay, and you need to find an excuse to do so. But no good excuse is coming up, you have no reason to stay. It’s selfish to want a pregnancy to have an excuse to stay with him. You know better.

Toji doesn’t love you, that’s why you’re leaving. If you have a baby, things will get worse. You can’t have a kid to try and fix this worthless marriage. Reasoning isn’t in your mind, you just want to stay with the man you love so badly.

“I’d be happy…” He’s sleep talking. Occasionally you say something while he sleeps and he answers, yet when you ask about it in the next morning, he doesn’t remember anything. He doesn’t mean it, he’s babbling, but there’s a smile on your face.

“You would be? I thought you didn’t want kids.” You don’t know why you keep talking. His embrace tightens, and you feel yourself about to cry from happiness. It’s absurd. You’re delusional, you just want to stay with him. You have no idea why you’re slowly changing your mind after watching the movie.

“You know I love you.” He mutters, and you’re about to wake him up. You don’t want to get a divorce anymore. You take a moment to think about it, should you really wake him up? Maybe you can wait till tomorrow morning when you’re not so desperate to try and keep this all together. You find yourself weakest at night because his body is right next to you. You hear his heartbeat, his breathing, you take his scent, you feel his warmth; it’s hard not to be weak when your heart is heavy with love and he’s telling you that he reciprocates it.

You’re sure that in the morning you’ll be thinking the same exact thing. You need to stay with Toji. Until he mutters something else, and it isn’t your name. And the tears that are in your eyes spill, but they’re no longer tears of joy, on the contrary, they’re now tears of agony.

No matter what happens, you’re leaving.

You try to wiggle your way out of his arms, but his grip is too strong. You get away from him by mere inches, but he doesn’t waste any time in pulling you back so your back is pressed against him again.

You sigh.

Toji is gone in the morning, which doesn’t surprise you since he usually leaves to go to work early. You sit up on your bed, slowly gaining consciousness. You walk to the bathroom, and do your morning routine. You luckily have the day off since you knew you were moving out, you talked to your boss about it. You’ve been anticipating this day.

You think about your foolish thoughts of the previous night, your tired brain wanting to stay with Toji. Never in a million years will you stay with that man. You think that you’re over him, as soon as you can you’ll jump into the dating pool. Granted, you’ve completely forgotten about the fact that you possibly might be pregnant.

You go into the closet to grab the suitcases that you have packed, and you find them on the floor, one of them open and stuff has been taken out. Toji must’ve woken up on the wrong side of the bed, but you don’t care. You have time before he gets home. You can redo that suitcase, and you can neatly pack it up.

You change out of your pajamas into another comfortable outfit, after all, you are moving out. You grab your phone and look through your contacts, wondering who you can call for help. You don’t have your own car, and you want to avoid calling a taxi. Not only that, you have a lot of luggage and after moving there you have to go shopping for furniture. You don’t even have a bed to sleep on.

Everything could’ve been planned out much better, but you want to desperately get out. You barely have time to think anyway, so you won’t beat yourself up about it.

Your eyes land on a specific contact that you don’t know all that well: Shiu Kong, Toji’s friend and his best man at your wedding. You’re not too sure how they know each other, but you know that they’re friends. That’s all you know. You don’t have too many people to rely on, which is why your finger hovers over the contact. The only other person you can try to call is pregnant and you don’t– Fuck, pregnancy. Shit shit shit.

You have to take a test but you can’t do it here. Just thinking about that possibility makes your stomach churn. You want to be a mother but this situation is less than ideal. You can’t think about it, you have to focus on the task at hand. Which is why your finger clicks on the contact and you call him. The phone rings over and over again, and just as you’re about to hang up, he picks up the phone.

“Hello?” You nearly forgot how his voice sounded. You’re sure the last time you saw him was on your wedding night– No, it was a little after you moved into this apartment. Still, it was so long ago. He gave you his number in case any issue came up, and granted, you’ve never used it. “Who’s this?”

You tell him who you are, and it earns a laugh from him. He never really thought that you’d be using the number, but here you are. You feel a lump in your throat and with every passing second you get more and more anxious. Apart from Megumi, no one really knows about your separation from Toji. You hate saying it out loud, but you have to. “You live in town, right?”

“Uh… Yeah, what’s up?” He asks.

“Have you talked to Toji recently? Did he tell you what’s happening?” You question, and you hear a hum from the other side of your phone. You’re biting your bottom lip, asking yourself just how stupid you are. You were ready to do this alone but suddenly you’re scouring for someone to support you, and funnily enough, you landed on one of Toji’s friends. You sigh, “Can you do me a favor without contacting him?”

“Sure.” He doesn’t really hesitate which you appreciate.

“Are you too busy with work? I need to borrow you. It’s important.” You say.

“Guessing I’m your last resort.” He asks and you agree, trying to laugh it off. You don’t really have anyone to rely on. “Let me guess, you’re finally moving out.”

“I am.” You answer, and thankfully you don’t have to talk much before he tells you that he’ll be here. You hang up the phone and walk out of the room to the kitchen to try to eat something before your day officially gets started. There’s nothing too appetizing, you’re not doing the grocery shopping anymore which means Toji has taken over. It’s fair to say he’s horrible at the task. There’s only ketchup, mayonnaise, leftover rise and some other leftovers which you’re too scared to open.

You look into the pantry to find something else, and you only find some saltine crackers, which you take and begin to eat. You can’t be too picky right now. Just as you’re opening the pack, you notice some papers on the dining table, and you walk over to check what it is. You’re assuming it’s some paperwork that Toji has to sign, you overheard Megumi tell his father how he was planning on joining the baseball team and how he needed Toji to sign a couple of things and whatnot.

You feel your heart drop at what you find. You’d expect to find it on your nightstand, not on the dinner table. He just left it there for Megumi to see as well. And you have no idea why you’re about to cry since you’ve been begging him to sign those papers.

As you see the divorce papers, you realize that even though you’ve been trying to convince yourself that you’re done with Toji, that you don’t care anymore about this marriage or him, you still do. You very much care even though you’ve been trying not to.

You begin to cry, grieving a marriage that was never even worth it. You love him so much that it pains you. You bite down on your lip, holding back a sob as tears roll down your cheeks. You try to make yourself feel better by remembering all the bad times you’ve spent with him. Bad times were most prevalent in your marriage, so this shouldn’t be too bad, right?

So many insistences pop into your head where you’ve been begging for his love and you end up being an afterthought. It should make you feel better that this is happening, but you’re not; you’re devastated yet also bitter. Bitter because even though Toji claims that he loves you, he still couldn’t say your name.

You might be devastated, but the more you think about it, the more relieved you are.

It’s clear that you’ve been crying when Shiu picks you up. He doesn’t bother to ask much as he puts your luggage in the trunk and the backseat. He’s quiet when he drives to your new apartment, when you drop off your luggage, when he takes you shopping for new furniture, and when he’s finally about to leave you at your house. He helps you bring the boxes of unarranged furniture into the apartment and when he’s about to leave, he asks the question that you’ve been dreading hearing,

“Are you okay?” It earns a nod from you. You’re busy, you have to arrange a lot of furniture and then you have to go out to get yourself something to eat. He then asks, “Do you need any more help?”

“If you want to stay and arrange some furniture with me.” You try your best to smile at him, and he rolls up his sleeves. You never really thought Shiu meant when he told you that you could rely on him, but he proves himself as he helps you arrange the furniture. He’s doing most of the work on arranging the furniture while you try to help him.

“It’s a nice apartment… Small but nice.” Shiu says because after spending hours by your side, he’s tired of the silence. You hum in response, and it’s obvious you won’t continue the conversation. He hates the silence. There’s a question that bugs his mind but he knows better than to ask.

When he’s almost done arranging the bed frame, he tells you, “I think we forgot to buy you a mattress.”

“I can’t believe I forgot that.” You chuckle. Your mind is all over the place. You’ll just sleep on top of blankets for the night or something like that. Unless Shiu wants to go shopping with you again. Shiu’s phone rings and he stands up from the floor, excusing himself outside to pick up the phone.

You’re looking around the place, and you think about the possibility of pregnancy. Where would you fit a crib? How would you handle a baby? You have no idea what you’d do, and you’ll try not to think about it for now.

Your stomach growls, and you stand up as well. You pull out your phone to look up places near you to eat, and as you look at all the different places and you decide what you crave, you miss how Shiu is back in the apartment. When he speaks up, you jump a little since you’re startled. You end up clearing your throat before you ask him,

“Are you in the mood to eat anything?” He ends up shaking his head.

“Let’s finish here first.” He responds, and you awkwardly smile at him.

“I want to thank you for helping me out, Shiu. I know that we’ve barely talked, and I know that you’re Toji’s friend too.” You begin, watching as Shiu opens another box.

“I gotta say… I’m surprised this is all happening. Especially since you’re both… You know…” Shiu says as he pulls out all the pieces in the box. You tilt your head to the side and you ask him,

“Since…?”

“You both love each other.” He tells you, and you roll your eyes. It’s all a lie, Toji doesn’t love you. He continues speaking, “But I knew this would happen eventually. Toji has never been a great husband, doubted he’ll be good as a second husband.”

“Yeah… He sucks.” You really can’t say much, knowing that speaking about it will end up in you in tears. Plus you doubt that Shiu wants to talk badly about his dear friend. “Is that why you told me I could rely on you?”

“Partially so.”

“You should’ve told me before I got married.” Or before you got pregnant… At least that’s what’s popping up into your head at this moment. You try to laugh.

“Would you have not gotten married?” He asks, and you end up sighing. You wouldn’t have stopped yourself. You wouldn’t have listened to anyone, especially when Toji assured you he loved you.

When there’s no response he says, “Let’s get something to eat.”

You don’t talk about anything important with Shiu at lunch. You take the opportunity to stop at a pharmacy to shop for what you need. You tell him you need something for your period, and Shiu doesn’t bother to ask questions.

“I’ll wait for you here.” Shiu says, and you nod in response. You rush inside and try not to run as you look for the pregnancy tests. When you finally find them, you run to the register to buy them. The cashier takes forever to do everything, and you’re so close to just throwing cash at him and running to the bathroom to take it.

You’re more and more impatient with each passing second, you can’t wait till you get home to take the test. When he’s bagging it up, you snatch the test out of his hands and run to the bathroom to take it. You can’t take too long, knowing that Shiu is waiting for you. If he asks about anything, you’ll say you had to change your pad or something.

This can’t wait another minute. You still have so much more to do, you have no idea when you’ll get home. Your eyes skeem over the instructions and you wipe down the seat before you do as the instructions say.

Your hands are shaking while you do everything. Your breath hitches and you’re trembling even more. You hear as the bathroom’s door opens and closes, and you’re scared of making a sound while people walk by.

You’re wondering why this is happening. You’re usually very careful, especially with Toji of all people because for some reason he doesn’t get a vasectomy although he doesn’t want more kids. You take a pill every single day to avoid this situation. Maybe under all the stress you forgot to take it once or twice which is a grave mistake considering you’ve ironically been having sex with Toji more than ever. Maybe you should’ve gotten an implant or an IUD, you wouldn’t be scared like this if you had either of those birth controls.

You’ll be fine. You close your eyes for a moment, and you take a deep breath. You’ll be fine. Totally fine. When you open your eyes the test will be negative. You know that when you open your eyes– You inhale before you open your eyes, and you see the results. Your eyes well up with tears as you wrap the test up with toilet paper before you throw it away. You walk out of the bathroom and try to contain your tears as you walk to Shiu’s car.

“Everything okay?” He asks when you get into the passenger seat. You can’t look at him as you hum in response.

“Heavy flow.” Is all you have to say, knowing that he won’t ask questions. He begins to dry, and you assume that he’s going to the closest place that sells mattresses. You agreed at lunch that you’d get a mattress and that’d be all. After that you’d be on your own.

Your head leans on the window, and you’re trying not to think about what you’re going to do next because you’ll end up bursting into tears, and you don’t want to explain anything to Shiu. You clear your throat before you tell him, “I really want to thank you for today, Shiu. I had no idea what I was going to do.”

“I told you that you can count on me, did I not? I’m a man of my word.” He says.

“Nothing like Toji.” You murmur, and he decides that he didn’t hear it. You feel the car come to a stop, and you furrow your brows before asking, “Why–”

You look at the building, and you scoff. You have no idea why you weren’t expecting this. You look at Toji, holding a bouquet of flowers, and you turn your head the other way because you don’t have the heart to look at him right at this moment.

“Can we just go please? I don’t have anything to talk to him about.” You say as Shiu rolls down the car window. Of course he isn’t on your side but he also doesn’t have to do this.

“Hi.” You hear Toji as he walks to the car door.

“Talk to him, at least one last time.” Shiu unlocks the car door. You glare at Toji and then at Shiu. You sigh before you open the car door.

“I doubt this is the last time we’ll talk.”

#toji x y/n #toji zenin #toji fushiguro x reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #toji fushiguro #daddy toji #fushiguro toji #jujutsu kaisen toji #jujutsu toji #jjk toji #toji x reader #toji x you #dilf toji #toji fushiguro x you #toji fanfic #toji fic

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oncasette · 7 months

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𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗖𝗔𝗡 𝗛𝗔𝗩𝗘 𝗠𝗬 𝗜𝗦𝗢𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡

KINKTOBER ACT I, ethan landry x fem!reader

summary: 3.1k

“Your fucking muse? You ask. You shove the top photo directly in his face. It’s a picture of you in your underwear as seen through your bedroom window, hands in the process of unhooking your bra.

“What can I say, baby. I told you I’d thought about this for a long time.”

or the one where ethan saves you from a creep after you lock yourself out of your dorm. or so you think.

warnings: not beta’d, smut, stalking, unprotected sex, dub-con, unsolicited pictures

masterlist | taglist | kinktober

Ethan hadn’t noticed you. At first. You’d had at least one class together every semester since freshman year, being in the same major and all, and yet it's taken him until now to take note of you. True, crude, unfiltered, awareness.

Sure, he’d known about you, the same way he knew about all the other girls on campus. He could match a face to a name and hold a casual conversation with you without feeling the need to ask the same three questions that always seem to be on the tip of everyone’s tongue.

But now. Now, he knows you. He knows how you shift in your seat when you get called on to answer a question, despite the fact that you’d raised your hand in the first place, the lavender and mint of your shampoo that he could easily catch a whiff of if he leaned forward in his seat just ever so slightly, the way your skin prickles with goosebumps when you change into your pajamas after a shower–you should really learn to close your blinds, living on the second floor of your dorm complex and all.

Your front door clicks shut before you think to check your pockets for your ID.

“Shit,” you mumble as you jiggle the locked door handle. The only time you ever took it out of the pocket in your phone case was when you were trying to order something from the bookstore online and needed your student ID number, and, of course, you’d forgotten to stuff it back into the damn thing when you’d finished.

“Locked out?” says a barely cognisant male voice from behind you.

“Sorry?” you spit, spinning around in a huff in the wake of your disappointment.

“Did you lock yourself out?” he asks again with a stifled laugh under his tone. You barely recognize the boy, only having stumbled past him once or twice in your haste to get back to your dorm to study. Figures that he’d end up being just across the hall from you. And much cuter up close.

“Yeah, yeah,” you sputter, your immediate anger diffusing into slight annoyance. “Thought my ID was in my wallet, and as soon as I went to double check… you know.”

“Oh, yeah. Sucks when that happens,” he says. “‘S your roommate out?”

The hair on the back of your neck stands up and you have to remind yourself he’s just being polite.

“She’s got class,” you swallow. He nods. You feel the need to elaborate. “O Chem.”

“You’ve got yourself a smarty pants on your hands, huh.” He steps closer and your breath hitches at the back of your throat. “Bet you’re smarter though.”

His mouth quirks as he boxes you in, back nearly pressed to the door of your room. “Oh, uh,” a dry chuckle. “I don’t know about that, she’s a pharmacy major and everything and all I do all day is learn about finances and the economy, so.”

Your neighbor had lost his sweet-boy charm in the few feet he’d breached, his jaw sharper and eyes darker in the fluorescence.

“I’ve really gotta get going-”

“Without your key?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m meeting someone just downstairs and I can always just text my roommate to let me in later-” he cuts you off again.

“I’m sure they can wait for a couple minutes,” he says. His aftershave burns your nostrils.

“Look, I’m already running late-”

A voice you don’t recognize calls your name from down the hall. Your head snaps, alerted to the sound. Squinting your eyes, you try to identify your anonymous hero.

“Hey,” the curly haired boy says as he approaches the two of you. “Are you ready to go yet? I tried texting when I got here, but I never got a response.”

“This is the friend you were waiting on?” the blond guy asks. He pulls his shoulders back, gaining back the inch he’d lost when he’d cornered you in.

“Ethan,” the new boy sticks his hand out to shake the other guy’s hand, only to be met with a scoff as he shoves his hands into his pockets.

“Didn’t mention you were meeting up with your boyfriend,” he sneers.

“First date,” you choke out with a dry throat, hoping that the notion of another guy in the picture would get him to leave you alone, and hating the fact that it was probably going to work. Ethan slides closer to you and you can feel your hands start to shake as the guy shakes his head in disappointment.

“Whatever, man,” he says. He turns and scans into his room, leaving you to exhale a breath you’d been holding in tight.

“He was interesting,” Ethan says, curls bouncing as spins to face you.

Humming, you draw your lips together in a tight line. You watch as he shifts his weight from one foot to the other as you thumb the wallet on the back of your phone case, subconsciously counting the cards there only to remember why you’d been stuck out in the hall in the first place.

“Do you have somewhere to be?” he asks.

“Well,” you start. “I was gonna go get some dinner, but with my ID being held hostage in my room…”

Ethan clears his throat before saying, “I, uh- I live on the next floor up if you wanted to hang out in my room until your roommate gets back.”

You’d think after the last guy had tried getting you into his place.

“Yeah, you know what, sure. That’d be nice,” you shrug, offering him a tight lipped smile before he led you toward the open spiral stairwell in the complex that led to all of the floors. As the two of you make your short journey up the flight of stairs, Ethan can’t help but to ramble on about how he’d stumbled upon your predicament for the four minutes it takes to climb the stairs.

“I wasn’t eavesdropping, swear to god, but he was just being so creepy, you know. I could hear him growling from the stairs,” he says once you reach the third floor.

“No, I’m totally glad you were eavesdropping,” you laugh. Ethan holds his phone up to the door, unlocking it with the ID shoved into his wallet before holding it open for you to enter before him.

“Chad’s at the Pike party right now, so make yourself comfortable wherever,” he says as he shrugs his zip-up off to toss over his desk chair leaving him in a black t-shirt hugging his biceps in a way that has you swallowing saliva.

“Chad?” you ask.

“My roommate.”

“Ah,” you hum, settling yourself in the middle of the room before Ethan pipes up again.

“The left bed’s mine if you want to sit,” he offers. “Do you want something to drink?”

He’s got a plaid bedspread and probably navy sheets, but you climb up to sit on it nonetheless.

“Sure, what you got?”

He lists off the few sodas they have, the case of Busch, and the single already opened bottle of water that’d been in there since they’d moved in.

“I’ve got a case of seltzer in the fridge under my bed, too, if you want that,” he winces at his options.

It’s a Friday night, what have you got to lose. “I’ll take a seltzer.”

You try to ignore the way the hair on the back of your neck stands up as he moves closer, kneeling beside the bed to dig in the mini fridge stashed there. He comes back up with two cans in hand, extending one out for you to take from him. The can seems to condensate in the heat of your hand as soon as you grab it.

Before you have a chance to pop the tab, Ethan climbs in beside you leaving a little less than a foot of distance between the two of you despite his twin being an XL. His knee bends until it knocks against yours with a soft sorry mumbled out but no attempt to move it. He opens his drink and haphazardly taps the top of it against your own unopened can with a, “Cheers.”

“To?”

“Not being around that creep anymore?” he offers.

Nodding, you open the can and tap it back against his, “Fucking cheers.”

Taking a sip, you wince. Your body had not been prepared for alcohol, and whatever seltzer he had sure tasted like a hell of a lot of it. It’s quiet for a while, the start of various questions and conversations settling on the tip of your tongue as try to quell the awkward silence that’s overtaken you. Ethan’s familiar in a way you’re not entirely sure how to grasp. Something about his presence has the back of your brain buzzing. When the can in your hand is nearly empty, you manage to get words out of your mouth.

“Thanks for the help and everything, and really I mean, thank you, but how the fuck do you know me?” you finally settle on. “I mean you knew my name before you even came over and I just… you know?”

“We have stats together,” he says, stuttering and quirking the end of the statement into more a question than a declaration. Your brain seems to stutter for a second, trying and failing to place him. Until.

“Right! Right, oh my god! You’re the cute guy that sits behind me,” you say seconds before slapping a hand over your mouth.

“Cute?” he asks.

“Unfortunately, very.”

“What’s so unfortunate about my cuteness?” His eyes grow hazier, more lidded. He shifts closer forcing your breath to hitch in the back of your throat. Tipping back the last of your drink, you crush the can out of habit and set it onto his nightstand. The already small counter space is cluttered with various trinkets and electronics before you can find a space to set your drink down. The polaroid camera catches your eye.

“You have a polaroid?” you ask, leaning over further to snatch it off the edge and hold it up to your eye. He offers you a short hum in response. “What do you take pictures of?”

“I’ve got a specific muse,” he replies.

“Care to share?” you ask as you lower the camera from your face only to find him much closer than you expected him to be. Closer than he had been just a moment ago, close enough to smell the cologne stuck to his shirt and see the faded pink of a scar against his jaw. He shakes his head slowly as he removes the camera from your limp fingers and places it back on the nightstand, tossing his own empty can onto the floor beside the bed. The way he leans forward has you leaning back. He leads you to drop your head back onto his pillow and your legs shift until you’re entirely situated beneath him. There’s still space between you, a couple inches at best, as his hands find solace beside your shoulders.

“You are so beautiful,” he whispers and you feel your face heat up in response.

“Thank you,” you reply, tongue dry. What was in the air tonight? You’d just been relieved from one guy trying to drag you into his bed only to be pushed into another. Still, with the way your heart was racing, you weren’t sure this situation was entirely the same.

“You’re welcome,” he sighs. You can feel the way his hand twitches and flexes at your side.

You’re not sure who makes the first move after that. One moment you’re laying there, noses nearly touching as his breath fans over your face, and the next his lips are on yours and his tongue is in your mouth. The hand that had been fluttering at your side now pressed hard into your waist, thumb pushing up the fabric of your top until it met bare skin.

His name is hazy in your head. You barely conjure it up, having to filter through a couple variations of Edward and Eric and Elliot before you manage out a weak gasp of, “Ethan” against his lips.

His hand continues to push up until your shirt has been bunched up at your chest. He pulled back just enough to be able to look at his handiwork. Your heaved as the edges of his fingers worked up under the wire of your bra. The chill of his hand left goosebumps in its wake.

Everything feels like it’s moving in slow motion as he lifts you just enough to get your shirt up over your head and to unclasp the back of your bra, leaving you bare beneath him. Not for long, though, as he sits up fully and reaches up to tug his own shirt over his head seconds after he’s got yours tossed down to the floor.

“God, you have no idea how much I’ve thought about this,” he groans, palms flat against your ribs.

“You think about me?” you ask, head quirked to the side as you try not to trace his abs with your tongue. Who knew the cute nerd in your stats class had all of this going on for him.

“All the fucking time,” he says. It’s a comment that should have you running for the hills, logically, coming from a guy you barely know. A guy you don’t know. But he’s already got you half-dressed and in his bed and you can’t bring yourself to pull away.

You hook your fingers into the hem of his sweats only for him to cover them with his own as you tug them down his legs. You do your best not to gape at the size of him. God, you think, is there any part of him you don’t want to lick? It takes him a second of shuffling and kicking, but as soon as his pants hit the floor his hands are back on you.

“Condom?” you gasp. His right hand trails down your chest, your stomach, and you think he’s going to stop at the band of your leggings, but it keeps going until you can feel him cupping against your clothed pussy. He nods absentmindedly. Your hips jump as soon as his thumb presses into your clit. Even with the dull pressure, it’s enough to send a shiver up your spine.

“Condom, Ethan, please,” you whine.

“Fuck,” he says as he pulls himself from his daze. “You don’t want me to…”

“No, please,” you whimper. “Want you.”

He throws open the drawer in his nightstand, leaving the contents open as he grabs an unopened box. The box tears–practically in half–and the three rolls land on your stomach.

“Do you want me to get that for you?” you ask with a giggle.

“No, fuck, no. I got it,” he grumbles, tearing a single condom off and pushing the rest onto the pile of clothes you’d conjured together.

“You sure?” His hands are shaking as he finally rips open the package, but they seem to steady once he’s got it rolled down onto his cock.

As soon as he’s got it on, though, he’s ripping your leggings down your legs. His thumb finds your clit again, barely ghosting over it in slow, tight circles as his free hand lines his dick up with your slit.

“Christ, you’re tight,” he groans, just barely notching the head. He pushes in slowly, jaw clenched, head dropped against your shoulder until he’s bottomed out. You nearly sob when you feel his pelvis press against yours. You don’t think you’ve ever felt this full in your life. You’re a little surprised he hadn’t ripped you in half, if you’re being honest with yourself.

He bites down on your shoulder as you feel his hips begin to pull back.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, baby, fuck,” he says. Where his thumb had stalled movement–not that you’d been able to really notice–it picks back up again, harder this time. Your eyes roll back in your head as Ethan’s mumblings pick up. So pretty, so perfect, better than I had imagined.

He’s already pulsing inside of you, twitching against your walls as he begins to pick up speed. His teeth nip at the sides of your neck, likely leaving marks you’ll have a hell of a time explaining to your roommate later, and his tongue laves at your pulse point.

Heat begins to build in your belly. It’s faster than you expected, a symptom of the alcohol, you think.

“Ethan,” you whimper.

“Yeah, baby?” he asks, eyes screwed tight as his pace begins to stutter.

“I’m so close.”

“Already? ‘Ve just started with you,” he sighs as if he wasn’t about to break skin on your neck.

“Please, please, I’m so close,” you beg.

“Oh, god,” he seethes. “I’m gonna cum.”

You bring a hand up to brush his curls away from his forehead and a bead of sweat drips down the side of his face.

“I want you to cum first,” he says. “Before I- before I do.”

With the way he’s working, you don’t think you’ve got much of a choice. Nodding, you bring your hand down to rest at the back of his neck, tugging his face down so that your lips met. You don’t even have time to warn him before you’re clamping down on him, pussy fluttering as your orgasm washes over you and leaves you hazy. Ethan’s hips stall at one final push in and you can feel the heat of his cum through the latex.

He pulls back, pressing one brief final peck to your lips before he leans back enough to remove his softening cock from you, the both of you wincing as he does so. He mumbles a soft, “I know” as he goes, rolling the condom off and tying the end to toss it in the trashcan beside the nightstand.

With an elongated sigh, he drops himself onto the bed beside you leaving you to shiver in the new chill hitting your bare skin.

You’re not even trying to snoop as you look around at his nightstand, eyes naturally gliding over the still open drawer of junk when the stack of pictures shoved in the corner catch your eye. It takes a second to really see what it is as the polaroids are covered in a thick translucent goop, but you can’t help but pick them up when it clicks in your brain.

“What the fuck are these?” you gasp, holding them up enough for Ethan to look at them.

“What?” he asks, still loopy from his orgasm.

“Your fucking muse? You ask. You shove the top photo directly in his face. It’s a picture of you in your underwear as seen through your bedroom window, hands in the process of unhooking your bra.

“What can I say, baby. I told you I’d thought about this for a long time.”

#ethan landry #ethan landry x reader #scream #scream 6 #jack champion #jack champion x reader #ethan landry smut #jack champion smut #kinktober #kinktober 2023

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formula1blog · 8 days

Text

Positive

Carlos Sainz x Fem!reader

Summary: You take a pregnancy test after your period is late. How will your boyfriend take it?

wc: 822

Warning: Pregnancy

You were sitting down against the cold tile wall of the bathroom. Your mind was racing with so many thoughts about what was going to happen.

You had been late to your period by two weeks now, You hadn't even noticed it at the beginning, just thinking that it will come the following day. But then your friend, Alexandra, pointed out that you could be pregnant and your mind went blank. She had seen your state and left you to calm down while she picked up some pregnancy tests for you at the pharmacy.

"It is going to be okay either way right?" you ask unsure, placing the rings around your fingers. You had plucked on the skin next to your nails and Alex had to take you hand in hers. Otherwise your fingers would start bleeding. The topic of children hadn't come up a lot in conversation with your boyfriend and you didn't know how he was going to react. He had said he wanted them in the future, but is that now. Is this the future. He is in the highest place of his career, he doesn't have time for a child.

Three minutes felt like a century. Since you had taken the test, you and Alex were sitting on the couch. She tried to calm you down a little, resuring you that everything would be fine.

You were taken out of your trance by the timer going off, signaling that those three minutes were over. "Can you please check." Your heart was racing in your chest. Alex nods and walks towards the table where the two sticks were laying. Her back was turned towards you so you didn't see the smile that had formed on her face.

"Congratulations, you are going to be a mother." She clapped her hands as you hugs you for support. Your mind stopped at those words. Tears had formed in your eyes and for the first time that evening you finally knew how you felt about it. You were happy.

"Omg, I am going to be a mother. I am pregnant." You cried happy tears as did a little jump into the air. "How am I going to tell Carlos?"

He is at a Ferrari meeting, together with Charles. That was the reason you and Alex had decided on meeting up. The original plans had been forgotten the moment she had pointed out, what was the truth. He would be home late today and probably tired. Maybe tomorrow is a better option. But you couldn't lay next to him knowing this and not telling.

"Just say it when the time is right. You don't have to do it right away, but also don't keep it hidden too long. You will know when the best time is to tell. I am sure Carlos would be jumping with joy.

-> Time skip

Carlos and Charles had finished their meeting and were right now sitting on the couch talking about it. The minute Carlos had stepped inside you were acting differently and he noticed it. He wanted to ask, but not with the rest around you.

You helped give Alex all her stuff to put it in her bag. "Everything will be fine." Alexandra whispered in her ear and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Charles looks at his girlfriend confused, but she just shrugs her shoulders as she grabs his hand. He needed to wait for this news. It was not hers to tell him. "Thank you for having me. I will call you."

Carlos and Charles did their Bro hug before the other couple walked out of your hotel room. When the door closed Carlos placed his hands on your hips. "Are you okay, Hermosa?" You put your head into his chest and he placed a kiss on your forehead.

"Are you breaking up with me?" Carlos sounded a bit scared. Your eyes widened at his words and you fast resured him. "No, no. absolutely not. Why would you think that?"

"Thank god."He went with his hand through his hair. "You just have been so closed in since I walked through that door. I was scared." He took your hands into his. "Then what is it that you want to tell me?" Your eyes locked and he saw that yours were a little bit filled with tears.

"I am pregnant. You are going to be a dad." You showed the positive test to him. A big smile appeared on his face when he saw it. He took your chin and kissed you on your lips. "You are pregnant. I am going to be a dad." He looked like the happiest person on earth when he heard those words and the angst in your heart disappeared.

"I love you, mi Vida." He placed another kiss on your lips. He went down on his knees to give a kiss to your belly. "Hello, Carino. I can't waite to meet you."

#f1 #formule1 #formula 1 #carlos sainz 55 #carlos sainz #carlos x reader #carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz x you #carlos sainz x female reader #carlos sainz x oc #charles leclerc #alexandra mleux

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animehideout · 5 months

Text

-------------------------------------------------

A/N: I'm sorry for taking ages to write your request!! @basicsofdying , I hope you enjoy it though 🤍.

Katsuki Bakugo and Denki Kaminari asking about tampons [ Requested ].

Katsuki Bakugo:

• You were too shy to ask Bakugo to bring you tampons and some snacks since you were dating for only a couple of months.

• You were struggling with period cramps to be able to go buy them yourself.

• But you had no choice, except texting him.

{ Hey Katsuki, could be please buy me tampons? my stomach hurts and I can't leave the house }

{ What's wrong with your stomach? you okay? and what the hell is a tampon? }

• You would literally facepalm.

{ Just go to the pharmacy and tell them that you need tampons...please hurry }

• He rushed back home, carrying a big bag full of snacks and tampon of course.

• “stay in bed I'll make you some tea”

• Would bring you your favorite tea in your favorite mug and helps you drink it.

• “Here your t-tampons..” he stuttered “ didn't know they were used for p-period...that idiot working there made fun of me cuz I thought they were cotton earplugs” he said sulking.

• You chuckled at his cute reaction.

• “ H-how do you use them anyway?” he

asked, his face reddening

• “Well they absorb the blood down there

so..” you answered shyly.

• “WAIT...Uhm aren't you a virgin?”

• “yes, and?”

• “Wouldn't they make you.. you know ...lose your Virginity?”

• You bursted into laugher, he was cute while being all curious and confused about girly stuff.

• “Nah..It doesn't.. why'd you ask?” you said wiping the tears from all that laughing.

• He would scratch his neck in embarrassment.

• “it's because...I want to be the one... to, you know.. take your virginity, you idiot ... AND NOT A STUPID TAMPON”

• He was like a lost puppy asking stupid questions, but it made you laugh a lot and did ease your pain.

Denki Kaminari:

• You were be in the bathroom and called for Denki to bring you a tampon since your period suddenly started.

•“Denki can you bring me a tampon?”

• “Bring you what??”

• “Euuh that thing on top of my shelf next to my shampoo bottle”

• Respecting your privacy, he opened the door slightly, enough for him to throw you the tampon without stepping into the bathroom.

• After putting it, you rejoined your boyfriend in your room, only to find him sticking a tampon in his nose while looking at the mirror.

• You looked at him in disbelief, then started laughing uncontrollably.

• “Baby what are you doing?” you asked.

• “How do you use this thing?” he asked confusedly.

• “Well it's for when my period starts..I use it down there” you said pointing down.

• His eyes would winden.

• “WHAT” he yelled making you flinch “D-does it hurt?”

• “Um a bit only for the first time”

• He forced you to sit on your bed while bombarding you with stupid questions.

•“Does it make you horny?”

• “WHAT?NO”

• “When about when you start moving.. does it make you moan? what if you were in public??”

• You would roll your eyes chuckling.

• Would shove some tampons in his bag.

• “Hey why are you taking my tampons?” you asked raising an eyebrow.

• “They look practical, since they absorb, I'll take some to use them in case I have a nose bleed during a fight"

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lukeywritesstuff · 8 months

Note

Reader has a pregnancy scare over the summer at the lake house and dosent tell Jack at first so he gets mad. He doesn’t really want a child rn but ends up accepting that they will have a baby. But it’s just a scare so their are not going to actually be parents

baby? no baby.

jack hughes x reader

warning: angst, yelling, pregnancy scare, mentions of abortion, punching (m on m), vomit, swearing and suggestive sexual content (no actual smut)

note: i’m not from the states so all timing for drives and flights and stuff are made up because i’ve been trying to research how far detroit airport is from bloomington AND NO BLOOMINGTON IS COMING UP ON MAPS. i actually went a bit crazy writing this because of that. ALSO this is the first fic i’ve written in a couple years that isn’t a joke so please bear with me because it’s not perfect at all.

lowercase intended

this past week has been a nightmare, from waking up at 6:30 in the morning to throw up, to dealing with motion sickness on an airplane and dealing with my boyfriends absolute bullshit.

let’s start from the beginning: wednesday july 12th, the day i started feeling ill. it was around 5:30 in the morning the first time i threw up. that day i thought it was a bug so i didn’t think much of it. but it kept happening all week, and this freaked me out because i knew i was leaving for michigan on monday to visit my boyfriend jack and his family.

monday couldn’t have come any slower, knowing i needed to talk to ellen before anyone else, i was hoping for the day to come faster. she’d be the only one i can ask about what’s going on with me as i haven’t seen my own family since august of last year since i moved to jersey for college.

the flight was terrible but short, it didn’t help my nausea at all, specially with the turbulence, jack was late to pick me up because he left his phone at the house when he went boating with his brothers so i had to sit around the airport for a few hours. i’m not even gonna think about uber either cuz i’d rather get crushed by a plane than sit for hours in an uber with a complete stranger.

ok getting off topic here, we’ll we got to the lake house after a very uneventful and quiet drive from the airport. ellen was finishing up dinner and luke, quinn and jim were playing basketball in the driveway, which quickly came to a stop as jack pulled up smashing the horn causing quinn to (jokingly) throw the ball at the car. (it did not break at all.)

i settled in to jacks room and we ate dinner, we talked about the boys hockey and training and my school and what i’m doing after i graduate next year. jokes were cracked and it was fun, i actually forgot about jack being a bit of a dick for a good hour and a half. after i stayed in the kitchen with ellen to help clean up, jack and luke ran to the x-box in the other room probably to play fortnite.

‘el, this past week i’ve been feeling quite nauseous this past week and i was wondering if i should worry about it. knowing you’ve been pregnant a few times, i felt it was best to ask you for advice on the situation.’ i said to my boyfriends mother.

‘well if it goes on for a few more days i’d consider going to a doctor, but for now you can go to the pharmacy just down the street and try a rest or 2 if you wanna have an idea quicker.’ she said and i nodded.

‘wait you’re pregnant?’ i hear from by the counter. quinn. he heard.

‘i’m not sure. i was just about to go to the pharmacy to get a test’ i told him.

‘i’ll drive i want some gato and fuckass jack frank the last one.’ he said and i nodded.

we went to the pharmacy and got 2 tests (and a shit ton of blue gato for quinn) and we went back to the house. i went to the bathroom in ellen’s room to take them since she wants to be there for me and honestly i’m glad i did. she’s been so supportive even if it might just be a scare.

the tests came out positive. i broke down in tears and went out to ellen.

‘positive, i’m pregnant. and i’m only 21’ i said.

‘oh sweetie. it’s all gonna be okay. you’re gonna be a great mom and jacks gonna be a great dad.’ ellen said embracing me.

‘so she’s pregnant?’ quinn asked from the door. i just nod my head at him.

suddenly i hear from the hallway ‘who’s pregnant?’ and ‘is it mom? i think i’m a bit too old to be an older brother’ and then a little ‘ow’ after.

then quinn had to open his big ass mouth and say ‘no. it’s y/n. she’s pregnant.’

‘what?!’ jack yelled. ‘and you fucker knew before me? you fucking asshole!’ i heard before i see jack coke into the room angrily to punch his older brother in the face.

‘jack get off!’ i yelled pulling him.

‘i cant believe you told quinn before me! have him father your fucking kid. i don’t want it. i don’t want kids at all. specially right now. i’m at my prime right now! i don’t need a fucking baby ruining it all for me! get out of my house that’s not my kid! and if it is fucking abort it!’ he yelled while crying making me cry even more.

right after luke dragged him to his room and i can hear yelling between them as quinn and ellen comforted me in the master bedroom. todays been a lot for me so i eventually pass out in my boyfriend(?)’s parents room with his mother stroking my hair.

on wednesday, exactly a week after i started having my nausea i decided to visit a doctor to get the baby and i checked out. i haven’t talked to jack since he yelled at me so i go with ellen.

‘okay so it seems like you’re not actually pregnant and the test you took was wrong.‘ the doctor said to me.

honestly i have no idea if i’m relieved or sad. i was honestly quite happy to potentially be having a baby, even if jack was being a huge JACKass about it.

we got home and i saw jack sitting on the porch with a bouquet of flowers.

‘baby, i’ve thought everything over these past few days, and i’m actually excited to have a baby! with you! i apologize for everything i said, but it just hurt knowing quinn found out before me, because i am the dad. but now i am excited for this baby and this new chapter of our lives!’ he said smiling at the end.

‘jack, it was a scare. there’s no pregnancy. i’ve just been having a stomach bug the doctor told me. the tests were wrong too. i’m sorry.’ i said frowning.

‘oh. well i guess that means we just go upstairs and start actually making a baby, because i kinda want one now!’ jack said before pulling me in the house.

once we got up to the bedroom i hear ellen ushering everyone out, probably to spare themselves from having to hear whatever we’re getting up to upstairs.

#jack hughes #jack hughes x reader #jack hughes angst #jack hughes fanfiction #jack hughes imagine #luke hughes #quinn hughes

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gadriezmannsgirl · 1 year

Note

Hello, can u do a one shot where the reader is waking back home but someone is following her so she calls Gavi for help

(I love your works,they’re so good😭)

FIC CELEBRATION! BARÇA'S LALIGA WINNER!🎉🏆

Marathon fics as part of the celebration?

Help - P.G

Summary: When someone is following you, you call your boyfriend for help

It was a sunny day in Barcelona, heat and the wind flowing just the perfect beat to not be sweating like crazy and at the same time not to be so chilly. It was a perfect combination of both, so you decided it would be a good idea to take a little walk by yourself, to enjoy this bit weird but loved kind of weather.

Pablo was busy with a few interviews and you were bored, you let him know you were going out and when you got a little Ten cuidado, preciosa. Call me if anything happens, te quiero😍♥️ you replied his love affection, smiled and went out of the house.

And everything was good, you went to a park that was nearby where you and Pablo lived, ate a bit of ice cream, played with someone's dog who decided to make you happier with its presence and when it was getting a bit dark you decided to go home but not without buying something for Pablo for when he comes home.

You had distanced yourself more than you actually predicted from your home since you went to a coffee shop, to buy your guy his favorite dessert, so you where walking. It wasn't that dark and there was other people walking in the streets too so you didn't worried about anything.

Until you decided to look behind you and found a man walking a few meters behind you, you didn't paid attention to it seeing as there were other people walking your way as well but when you crossed the street and the man crossed it too you thought it was too much of coincidence.

You turned to the left and when you realised the man took the left too you started to get nervous, it was too much to be just a coincidence now, you quickly and discretly took your phone out and started walking faster, dialing Pablo. You hoped and prayed for him to pick up but you wanted to cry when the call when in to voicemail.

"Don't let him be in an interview right now, please" You murmur dialing him once more when this time he picked up

"Amor? I'm about to head to an interview, everything good?"

"Everything's bad" You tried to talk normal, you didn't wanted the man to know you were nervous "Someone is following me" You whispered and saw behind you that the man was now picking his pace too, you tried to not show nervous and looked around pretending, you weren't watching him

"¿A qué te refieres? Joder, Y/N. Where are you?"

"I'm like ten minutes away from home but I don't want to get there, I don't want him to follow me back all the way and know where our house is. But I also don't wanna spend another minute walking with him behind me"

"There's people around?" You hum

"There is" You nod "But it seems they aren't paying attention to anything else but their own stuffs"

"I'm already on my way, mi amor. I'm seeing your ubication. Do you see some store? A pharmacy? Bakery? Music store? Clothes store? Anything you may get in and wait a bit until I get there?"

"There's this music store at the other side of the road"

"Go there and keep talking to me about anything" He asked as you nodded and crossed the street walking towards the music shop.

"What do you want me to tell you?" You asked

"Tell me how beautiful you look" And with that he managed to get a smile out of you

"Pablito" You said shaking your head

"C'mon, tell me mi amor" You sighed

"I think I look good"

"That's not what I asked"

You roll your eyes "Beautiful enough to make you fall deeper in love with me"

"Again?" He asked in disblief "You never get enough of me being at your feet, verdad mi amor? It's not like I don't like being at your feet either way" You laughed "I believe that, in fact, I know it's true. Everytime I look at you I fall deeper in love with you. I like it" He said as you smile

"You're distracting me"

"Is it working?" You hum nodding

"It is a bit" You kept on walking and finally made it "I'm at the music shop"

"Why don't you buy something for my dad, amorcito?" He hummed "We already got a present for my mom and for Rora, he's the only one missing and he talked to us last time about this Spanish Rock Band he liked in his young times, what do you think?"

"I think that's a good idea" You soon saw the man enter the shop and look around for you "He's in the shop, Pablo" You said nerves coming back up

"Wait for me, bonita. In three minutes top I'm there with you" He said as you nodded trying to disappear yourself from this man's view until Pablo came in a few seconds passed when you heard Pablo speak up again "Talk to me, what kind of Spanish band's are in there?" He asked as you saw the man look around all over the place

"Pablo" You whined lightly

"I'm there bonita, I'm there" He said softly trying to reassure you "Hold on a few seconds for me, 'kay?" You hummed eyes going over the line of CD's but your mind didn't went anywhere else besides your need of Pablo being next to you.

When the sound of the door being opened filled your ears, your eyes went over to it and saw Pablo with a black sweater on, some jeans and his white sneakers. His eyes immediately found yours as you let out a sigh of relief watching him there

"Amor?" You managed to say when he came up to you. He hugged you tightly and you felt tears swell up to your eyes finally feeling safe in the arms of your boyfriend.

"¿Estás bien?" You nod

"I am now" You said looking up at his eyes, you could see from the back of his shoulders said man leaving quickly "He's gone" You murmured as Pablo quickly looked behind him

"He doesn't matter anymore, bonita" He kissed your hairline "You're good, that asshole won't come ever again near you, mi princesa" He kissed your hairline again "Want to go home?" You nod getting out of his hold "C'mon" He grabbed your hand and went to pull you towards the exit

"Wait" You said sniffing "I found the Héroes del Silencio" You showed him the album as he smiled

"Let's buy it then, I'm sure the old man will love it" He leaded the two of you towards the cashier "You good, mi amor?" You nodded laying inti his arms

"I am now that you're here" You smiled at him "My hero, always being there for me"

"Always, bonita. Always"

°°° °°° °°° °°°

Taglist: @gaviypedrisbride @stuckinaf4nfiction @elijahslover @azzpenswrld

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skunaskitten · 6 months

Text

Yakuza Husband ch2

Paring: sukuna x female reader

Contains: family talk, mention of death, stabbing, flirting

Au: sukuna yakuza boss

Summary: You are just trying find a way to live normal with sukuna being in your home as well but it was getting hard, it would be best if you just sat and talk with him.

chapter1 ch2 chapter 3

Ever since that night of sukuna's threats you kept your distance from him. Your boss has given you three days off and those days you ignored him waiting for your foot to fully heal up so you could walk properly again. Your coworkers were worried about what happened. You just told them you stepped on glass from a plate you dropped. You left out the details of sukuna.

He stayed out in the living room watching movies while you hid in your room only coming out to get food or to ask how his wound feels. You tried to have as little talk with sukuna as you could. The following day he was still in just his dirty pants with no shirt. Maybe it would be best if you got him some clothes since he is staying here a while.

"Hey sukuna."

He looked over at you taking a bite of the sandwich he made.

"I am going to go out to the store and get you fresh clothes and extra stuff." Sukuna smirked and gave you the size of his clothes. As you were about to grab the door he spoke out.

"Are you really going out there you are still limping. You shrugged and said "it's not so bad anymore. Plus there is things called busses and trains."

"Hey kitten, come here. Take this."

You curiously walked over to him as he stuck his hand into the cushion of your couch and pulled out a pocket knife. He opened it showing it to you. A tonto shaped blade about five inches long. "What is that for?"

"For your protection do not hesitate to use it. Keep it close to you."

You took it carefully and closed it then slipped it into your sweater pocket.

"Thank you sukuna, I will be back. If I don't come back before sundown. I guess you should start to worry."

"Kitten do not be afraid to use it. Make them bleed."

You gave a soft smile to him as he watched you leave the house then he walked up to your window taking a peek outside watching you walk away.

The first place you went was to a clothing store, looking around in the men's section picking a dark red button shirt and a black casual shirt. You smiled then went to look at the pants seeing which ones will fit as you checked the sizes on them.

"May I help you find anything miss?"

You looked over to see one of the female workers giving you a smile. "Oh no it's alright I am just trying to see what color would best fit on someone."

She smiled and asked "husband or son?" You blushed a little saying "uhh a friend." She giggled and said "no worries I will be around if you need help." You nodded and walked around some more until you found the things you needed.

You also stopped by a pharmacy to pick up more bandages for his wound. Walking around was starting to make your foot sore so you just had to walk slow. Taking the same route you always do when going home which means you had to walk by the same alleyway where you found sukuna. Your body felt a bad feeling in the air as you got closer to that alleyway. You wondered if his phone was still there?

As you came out from the corner there was someone standing there at the end talking on a phone. Feeling a shiver go down your spine you stepped away back around the corner of the wall to hide. The sun was setting and you had been out longer than you thought which meant sukuna was going to worry. If he even cared about you at all.

After what felt a little longer than a few minutes the man finally walked out and he looked normal. Probably just someone taking a walk to talk on the phone and wanting to talk somewhere private.

You watched him disappear out of sight so you took the chance to walk down the alley and to the spot where sukuna was at. To your luck the phone was there under some trash and you could still see the blood stains which must had been from him. You picked it up and placed it into your bag but when you turned around the man was standing right there at the entrance.

"Well, I didn't expect you to be one. They just take anyone, don't they. I am going to need that phone and tell me where you are holding him."

You gulped clutching onto your bag straps. "I don't know what you are talking about and I don't know who you are." He was wearing sunglasses so you couldn't see his eyes but his white hair and dressed in casual clothing looked normal to you.

He laughed and walked over to you with long strides saying "no need to lie we can have a normal conversation."

Alarms were going off in your head as you stuck your hand into your sweater pocket feeling the knife and opened it.

"Darling we can do this the good way or bad way. I rather do it the good way. I am really tired. So where are you hiding the king?"

He got closer to close then you quickly pulled out the knife and slashed it across him but he moved away as he groaned feeling the knife slice across his chest ripping his shirt.

You took a run for it seeing him holding his chest. Running for your life and not looking back taking the routes back home where there were more people. As you ran by the crowds they looked at you running by not noticing the knife in your hand. You didn't care about the pain in your foot right now you just needed to get home safe.

Seeing your home getting closer you felt your heart beat louder and harder and legs run faster. Tears filled your eyes as you ran through the gates but you were still not safe. You got to your door and started to fumble to get your keys out feeling your hands shake trying to put the key in. You kept looking back to see if anyone was coming after you.

"Fuck come on just get in already please."

The door suddenly opened with an arm pulling you inside your slightly darkened home. You yelped feeling yourself being pressed into a chest and the door closed. Feeling the warmth of skin and the bandages on the stomach you knew it was sukuna. You dropped everything and wrapped your arms around him crying slightly.

Sukuna wrapped his arms around you and rubbed your back trying to calm you down. "Hey its alright. Tell me what happened."

He looked over to the knife on the floor, seeing that you must have used it.

"I walked past the alley where I found you. There was a man there. I didn't think anything was wrong. When he left I went to get your phone and he came back. He wanted to know where you were. I used it like you said."

You looked up at him as he smirked and moved his hands to wipe away your tears with his thumb. "That's a good girl y/n. No more tears, your home now. You need to know that once you step foot into this world of mine there is no getting out of it. People will hunt you down to get any information out of you."

"Will I always have this issue of being hunted now?"

He saw the sadden look in your eyes as he let out a long breath from his nose. "Sadly yes kitten. There is no escape."

You pulled away from him looking down at the floor to the stuff then picked up the bag with his new clothes then handed it to him. "Here are the clothes with your phone. I am going to go check my foot."

Sukuna watched you limp away heading to your room and into the bathroom. He picked up the other stuff and placed it onto the table then pulled out the clothes and supplies you got him. Seeing the red button shirt and black shirt along with black jeans and soft cotton sleeping pants. Inside the bag he noticed the box of bandages and things for a shower. He looked at his stomach thinking it was a good time to get it refreshed.

He walked to your room and quietly stepped to your bathroom door hearing your slight cries through the door. He didn't know why the guilt started to set in him. He knows he shouldn't feel this way to any one but with you he doesn't know why?

Sukuna knocked on the door hearing you go quiet. "Y/n my bandages need to be changed."

The door opened for him to walk inside and take his seat on the toilet while you just ignored him taking out the stuff needing to clean the stitches. Sukuna could see how drained you are already done with life. Ever since that night he threatened you, it hasn't been the same for you. He remembered the caring eyes you had when you fixed him up and the soft smiles. It's been long since he has gotten any true smiles to him.

You got onto your knees in front of him and started to peel off the bandage as he smirked and said "if this was a different situation being on your knees would be more fun."

He didn't see you blush or smile, no emotion. His smirk disappeared and just looked over your face. Seeing nothing behind your eyes.

"You know you are not a prisoner. This is your home." You still ignored him.

"You hate me. I know it. It's all over your face."

"Sukuna, I don't want to have this life. I want to go back to my life where I just go to work, see and help animals and come home to relax. I don't want to have this fear of losing my life every time I walk out that door. Like you said there is no way to run from it. So I am trapped and you do not care. The sooner this is healed the better. Then I won't have to see you any more."

He leaned back watching you. "So now I am just a ruthless man who doesn't care about anyone."

"Yes." You answered quickly, staring at him with a scowl.

Sukuna looked away and said "when this is done I will leave right now. Will that make you happy."

"Won't you get killed."

He scoffed saying "I can handle myself darling."

"Clearly not." You told him pointing to his stomach then said "I promised I will help you. But it's just all this overwhelming. I am scared and stressed. I don't know what is going to happen next."

You leaned more between his thighs looking at the wound healing up nicely to your liking. He looked at you then closed his legs on you making you gasp and look at him. Sukuna chuckled, resting his cheek on his knuckle and releasing you saying "just making sure you are still aware of your surroundings."

You shook your head placing on a bandage saying "sukuna how many people have you killed?"

"Enough."

"That is not a answer."

He sighed and said "a plentiful amount."

"I wanted to ask you. Why did you ask me if I had a child or family?"

His jaw clenched debating whether he should tell you the truth or not.

"I don't think you want to hear the truth. Let's just say I have innocent blood on my hands. I am not proud of it. A thing that still haunts me sometimes."

You looked at him asking "did you kill a child?"

He just stared at you. Seems like you are pushing for the truth.

"Yes and no. I was forced to kill this woman. I didn't know she had a child both out and in the womb."

You looked away from him. He was right you didn't want to hear the truth but it wasn't like he did it on purpose.

"Are you a bad or good yakuza?"

He let out a laugh and said "kitten there are no good yakuza."

"The people that want you dead. They are bad right. Or is it the other way around."

Sukuna could see that you calmed down and got more curious about him and his way of life. It's better than watching and hearing you cry.

"Well every yakuza has their own clan. There is no good or evil. We do what we do to keep our family safe. At least I see my clan as family. We protect each other, anyone that is a close friend to us. But others who want me dead are not as friendly as us."

You leaned your arms on his thighs looking at him curious to hear more of his stories.

"The man I ran into called you a king. What did that mean?"

He smirked saying "I am the king of my clan. Ryomen sukuna, king of curses. Because in this life we are all cursed."

"It's a fitting name for you. I want to ask. Do your tattoos mean anything?"

Sukuna ran a hand through his hair then said "yes they all have a meaning. The plants are representing of japan and these flowers. Cherry blossoms are a big part of our culture. The lotus of life, the spiritual energy. And spider lilies of rebirth or death."

You smiled slightly looking at the colors saying "they are pretty."

"As for the one on my chest is what I do to people. I take their fingers as a mark."

You looked at him saying "gross do you keep them?"

He chuckled at your comment.

"I keep them for a while then send them back to the owner. They won't be able to put them back on though."

"What about your back?"

Sukuna rubbed the back of his neck and said "that is me. The king of curses."

"The artwork looks amazing."

He smirked and looked at his other arm.

"The dragon is everywhere in this culture a spirit. It could also mean power as well."

You noticed him stop talking, not explaining the tiger. "Umm what about the tiger?" He stiffened up and finally spoke but his voice was more quiet, "that is, for my little brother."

You can tell it's a touchy subject for him so you just let it go for now.

"You must a good big brother then." He nodded but didn't say anything else as you stood up saying "well your wound has been cleaned up and fresh."

Sukuna looked at you and said "what did this man look like?" You looked back at him and said "he was wearing sunglasses." He cut you off asking "did he have white hair casual clothing?"

"Yea why?"

Sukuna let out a sigh and stood up saying "that man is an idiot. He is one of my people. He probably thought you were along with the others that tried to get rid of me. But as you can tell they did a poor job. Always make sure your enemy is completely dead, always shoot in the head for an after kill."

"Sukuna, I am sorry I cut him. I didn't know."

He chuckled and said "don't be, I am proud. It teaches him a lesson never let his guard down or to approach anyone without backup."

You and sukuna walked out of the bathroom and to the living room as sukuna held up the clothes you got for him. Then went to pick up his phone looking at it. "Fuck it won't even turn on."

A smile formed on your face "I might be able to help. I have an extra phone. I still kept it after I got a new one just in case I broke mine."

You ran into your room going through a box in your closet then pulled out your other phone and came back to him handing it over. He smiled taking it then sat down to take apart the phones. You sat beside him watching him put the little memory card into your old phone then turned it on. When he saw all his information he smiled wide.

"Ahh perfect! Thank you sweetheart. Now I can let my people know I am safe."

You left sukuna alone to give him space to talk if he needed to talk about things he can't say in front of you. After he was done on the phone he walked over to you. "Y/n I told my men about you so if you need to go anywhere they will be watching you from afar to make sure you are safe during your travels."

You smiled at him saying "thank you sukuna."

It was the last day for your time off before you had to go back into work. You wanted to stay out in the living room to watch movies but sukuna was on the couch taking a nap. It is your home so rules are rules, you went out to sit on the floor in front of the couch. He turned in his sleep letting his arm fall off beside you.

You softly chuckled and went to place his arm back taking a longer look at his tattoos admiring the art work. You smiled and placed his arm back giving it a slight pat as you continued to watch your movie.

Sukuna didn't seem like the bad yakuza type when he is calm like this. It does scare you still after he threatened you but you can see how he feels bad about doing that to you. After seeing him on his bad side then sitting him watching him sleep peacefully, it was cute to see him.

You bit your lip slightly and raised your hand to touch his pink fluffy hair feeling the slight softness of it. Looking at the black shirt and sleeping pants you bought him, he looks hot in them. You picked out the perfect color and fit. As you pulled your hand away you heard his voice. "Did I say stop?"

You snapped your attention to him saying "sukuna I am sorry I didn't mean to touch you." He smirked, crossing his arms saying "it's fine kitten. It felt nice."

Sukuna groaned as he sat up and ran through his hair. "I should try to take a shower."

You smiled at him saying, "well I bought you supplies so you can go ahead if you want just don't soak the stitches. I will bring you some more bandages."

You left to your room and into your bathroom to grab the medical kit then you walked over to the spare bathroom to the door giving it a knock hearing him tell you to come in. When you walk through the door you froze seeing him naked from the back side. A blush filled your cheeks standing there frozen but your eyes would stop shamelessly staring at his naked form. His ass and thighs seeing a black band around the top of his thighs. All the muscle that is on him. The full art work on his back.

Sukuna looked over at you with a smirk. "Hey kitten you alright?"

You snapped out of your gaze placing the kit on the counter then looked away. He chuckled as you turned around as you blushed more and looked away. "I am fine sukuna. I will leave now."

"Why don't you join me?"

You looked back at him then realized he was facing you and you gazed right at it then covered your face.

"No it's fine…I will leave now.." you left the bathroom closing the door, your cheeks red and face felt hot.

He is a dangerous and sexy man. You didn't know why he was so willing to let you see him or even be near him this way.

While he took his shower you went to start making dinner for both you and him. Sukuna walked into the kitchen just with his sleeping pants on and a towel around his neck.

"What are you making?"

You looked over at him and turned away as you could smell the scent of the soap making you smile.

"Just some ramen. You know that soap smell fits the color of your hair."

He chuckled saying "I noticed you brought that scent for me."

"Well you smell nice now and not like a dirty alley way." You just so happen to purposely buy cherry blossom pink soap for him just to spite him from being an asshole.

You looked over to his stomach seeing the stitching and the healing wound. "You didn't put a bandage on it?"

"I like it when you do it."

He moved a hand and went to lightly scratch around the wound as you swatted his hand away. "No scratching you will loosen the stitch work."

The ramen was done and you served him a bowl and took yours then started to walk towards your room until he spoke out. "Come sit with me."

You looked at him with hesitation then went to sit on the other side of the couch next to him. The two of you were silent for a while just eating but you broke the silence with a question.

"So ryomen sukuna. It's an interesting name."

"It means two faced spirit." He looked over at you as you looked at him and said "that explains the double eyes on your face and your tattoo."

He placed his bowl down onto the table saying "I want to ask. Where did you learn to do medical work?"

You put your bowl down as well and got more comfortable on the couch. "My father taught me. He used to work on animals as well. So I just followed in his footsteps. Now I work for a shelter helping injured animals."

He turned his attention to you and rested his cheek on his knuckle of his right hand. "How did you know to fix up people?"

You looked away to your hands. "He used to bring home his friends with stab and bullet wounds. He showed me how to fix up wounds like that. So I know how to stitch up animals and humans."

"What happened to him?"

You let out a sigh and said "he was shot and died at the hospital. The report said it was suicide attempt. I don't believe it. I think he was murdered."

Sukuna then asked "where is your mother?"

You started to tear up and say "car accident she died when i was young so I didn't get to grow up with her it was just me and my dad."

"You've been alone for a while. No lover?"

You gave him a sad smile hearing sukuna's question and said "I have bad luck with men. None are faithful."

You looked back to sukuna and said "did you know that I almost died in the womb. Well could have. My mother was stabbed when she was eight months pregnant with me. My mother survived a stab wound and in the process she punched the man in the face."

Sukuna smirked and said "well I am glad you are here. I would probably be tied up and tortured to death if you didn't find me."

You gave him a wide smile and said "I am happy that my work was able to help someone. With this rate your wound should be healed up fully in no time."

"Did you see a dog in the alley way?" You looked back on him confused and said "yes why?"

"I saw him and went to give him some food then I was attacked. I am surprised that dog stayed around".

You smiled saying "the dog probably knew you were in danger so he was waiting to signal someone that just so happened to be me."

He smirked and asked "what is your favorite animal?" You chuckled and said "I like cats the most but I guess for animals I would have to say it's tigers." He said "just like my little brother he loved tigers."

Sukuna quickly looked to you realizing he slipped up by telling you that part of his life he does not wish to speak of. "It's fine if you don't want to speak about it."

He sighed laying back against the couch saying "he died. I got this tattoo for him after he passed."

You could see the hurt behind his eyes as he looked at the tattoo but he didn't show it through his body.

"Hey ryomen I think I am going to go to bed now. I have work early tomorrow. Will you be fine by yourself?"

He smirked saying "yes I am fine I am a big boy."

You went to bed with still worried thoughts about sukuna being in your home alone. But you seemed to get closer to him after the talk. Hopefully you are more on a friend level with him so that you don't have to worry much.

thank you for reading. sukuna is slowly learning all new feelings.

< chapter1 chapter 3 >

#ryomen sukuna #sukuna #sukuna x reader #ryomen sukuna x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #yakuza sukuna #yakuza husband #yakuza au

252 notes · View notes

4wkjun · 2 months

Text

daddy sim | sjy

Chapter 5: Congratulations. ➥ Contains: angst if you squint, mentions of abortion, crying, swearing. ➥ Word count: 2.9k

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June 16th, 2022 Thursday

You and Jake did something quite unusual for the first time in a while: you missed the class. Not that you didn’t want to be absent every once in a while — every student does, especially as the semester comes next to the end —, it’s just that the two of you had so much going on that you couldn’t afford to miss stuff daily.

Jake held your hand as you waited for the doctor to call you inside. You booked an appointment as soon as you could, in the first clinic available you found — that one being almost forty minutes away from your place.

“Your hands are so cold”, Jake said quietly, holding both of your hands between his. “Is it nervousness or just the air conditioner?”

“I don’t know”, you responded with a faint smile. Jake pouted, caressing your hands.

The both of you stayed quiet, not needing to say anything for the next ten minutes.

“Where’s y/n?”, Jay asked confused as he placed his backpack on the empty stool. Chaewon bit her bottom lip, nervous about lying right into his face.

“I don’t know”, she shrugged. “She didn’t answer my texts, maybe she overslept.”

“I hope she’s fine.”

“She probably is”, Chaewon sighed. She really hoped for that.

“Choi y/n?”, the doctor called standing in the hallway.

Your hands got even colder as you and Jake got up, following her almost mechanic voice. The fake sympathy behind the doctor’s and nurse’s tone always made you uncomfortable.

“Please, follow me”, she smiled.

You did, Jake’s hand never leaving yours. The doctor’s office was ridiculously white for your liking, every piece of furniture bright enough for your eyes to burn. Everything about that place made you want to run away.

“Please, take a sit”, the doctor pointed towards the cushioned chairs in front of her glass desk. “I’m Dr. Shin Minju, it’s really nice knowing you.”

“Our pleasure”, you mumbled — the most polite way you could.

“Ok, Choi y/n and...?”

“Sim Jaeyun”, Jake responded. “I’m her boyfriend.”

“Good”, Dr. Shin smiled. “How can I help you today?”

You sighed, not expecting the doctor to be that direct.

“I think I might be pregnant”, you said reluctantly. Dr. Shin nodded, writing on her computer.

“Have the two of you performed unprotected sex?”

“No, we always used condoms”, you blushed.

“No other methods along?”

“Nope.”

She only hummed, nodding.

“I’m gonna need you to fill out a form with your medical and family history, use of medication, information about possible travels, and your lifestyle. I need you to be 100% honest.”

“No problem”, you mumbled.

Dr. Shin handed you the clipboard with three sheets of questions. Your eyes got big because you were not expecting anything that detailed during your first appointment — especially because you weren’t 100% sure about the pregnancy with only a pharmacy test. It took you around ten awful minutes of awkward silence to finish the form.

“Everything seems to be normal, except for your unregulated periods, ms. Choi”, she hummed after quickly eyeing the pages. “We’re gonna need a few exams to be sure about your pregnancy, some of them not being as nice as expected.”

“As “not nice”, you mean...”

“A transvaginal ultrasound and some blood drawing.”

You wanted to whine, but instead, you only nodded and tried to look fine. The Dr. didn’t have to know that you were completely scared at that moment.

“I’m gonna need you to relax, ms. Choi”, Dr. Shin muffled behind her mask.

You were lying down on the stretcher, your legs ridiculously far apart from each other for your liking and Jake as a statue right next to your head. His hand was cold against yours — which was unusual, since Jake was always burning hot —, showing you how nervous he truly was.

The Dr. didn’t give you a heads-up before actually starting the exam, making your eyes shut close as she moved the transducer inside of you. That didn’t hurt but was pretty uncomfortable. Jake gave you a peck on the forehead, just to remind you that you were not alone.

“Yup, I do see a gestational sac, ms. Choi”, she muffled. Her tone was happy and you held your tears. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you”, Jake answered. His happy tone made you turn your head towards his direction.

His eyes were fixated on that grayish screen — even though he could not understand what was what —, his smile big. His hand squeezed yours and you noticed his eyes shining as two pearls.

Wait, what?

“We’re still gonna have to perform a few exams and tests just to be sure the both of you are gonna be fine for the next weeks. The most usual way to calculate the gestational age would be by using the date of your last period, however, since that may be a little confusing in your situation, we’re gonna use the size of the sac to have a little bit of a better expectation around your due date.”

“Is the due date the day the baby should be born?”, Jake asked, genuinely curious.

“No, it is the date the mother should be 40 weeks pregnant”, she responded in her mechanic voice, taking shots of the screen. “Ms. Choi, are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m just... A little shocked”, you admitted.

Dr. Shin nodded, removing the transducer and then her gloves. She waited until the machine printed the tiny ultrasounds and handed them to Jake.

“I’m gonna give you some privacy so you can change into your original clothes again”, she smiled. “I’ll wait for you next door so we can discuss the possibilities.”

“Thank you”, you said with a faint smile.

Jake pecked your cheek before leaving the room with the doctor.

“Ms. Choi, do you have any intentions of keeping this fetus?”, she asked as soon as you sat yourself down next to Jake. Your eyes got big and Jake’s heart felt tight.

“I guess I do”, you responded quietly.

“You guess you do?”, she asked, sharp as a knife. “You know, here in South Korea, abortions are legal. You don’t have to keep the fetus if you don’t want to.”

Jake stayed quiet. You remembered his words last night, where he gave you signals about wanting to keep it. But he didn’t really say the words.

“Do you want to keep it?”, you asked Jake even quieter.

“I do, love”, he almost whispered back. “But we don’t have to. It’s not just about me.”

You sighed and shook your head with a subtle smile.

“We’re gonna keep it”, you told the doctor — you sounded more confident in your head, but that’s ok.

“Sure”, she smiled. “There is no limit for you to terminate the pregnancy, though”, she added. “I just need you to be sure about what you want, ok?”

“Yeah, we’re gonna keep it”, you repeated.

“Has she texted you?”, Yunjin asked Chaewon as they waited in line to buy their food.

“No. You?”

“No”, Yunjin sighed. “I’m worried. Do you think she did something stupid?”

“Not really”, Chaewon sighed as she walked a little closer to the cashier. “Maybe she found a doctor.”

“That fast?”

“Desperate times, I guess.”

Yunjin nodded, pouting. She looked around to make sure your friends weren’t around.

“Do you think she’s gonna keep it?”

“I don’t know”, Chaewon turned around to face Yunjin. She looked worried. “I think she’d only abort it if maybe Jake said he doesn’t want a baby.”

“Do you think he wants a baby?”

“I don’t even think y/n wants a baby.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean “why?”, girl?”, Chaewon laughed without humor. “We’re young and broke. Besides, she told me yesterday she’s afraid of moving way too fast with Jake.”

“We are broke, Jake’s family has money”, Yunjin reminded. Chaewon nodded with a pout.

The line moved again and she placed her tray on top of the counter. The cashier smiled in a fake way as Chaewon handed her a crumpled bill. Yunjin followed her right after, rushing towards Chaewon so they could sit with their friends.

“Let’s talk about something else, huh?”, Chaewon whispered. “They don’t know and they won’t know by us.”

“Sure thing.”

“Babe?”, Jake called as you sat at the bus stop.

“Yeah?”

“Did you tell the doctor you want to keep it because of me?”

Your eyes fixated on the road, your mind running miles.

“No”, you concluded. “I think I want to do this.”

“But... Now? With me?”, Jake asked. You pouted, still not looking at you.

“You don’t want it, do you?”, you asked him with your teary eyes.

“What? Y/n, of course, I want to”, Jake reassured quickly, squatting in front of you. He held your face with his both hands, forcing you to look at him. His eyes were upset when you found them. “There is a lot in our minds right now, hm? I don’t want you to feel like your life is over because of me, love. If you want to take this step and start a family, I’m all in. If you don’t, I’m still all in. I’d take anything you decide to give me.”

“What if I ruin your life?”

“Not possible.”

“Jake, I mean it”, you whined. The tears won the battle, falling down your cheeks. Jake’s thumbs were fast to catch them.

“So do I. I’m trying my best not to say creepy stuff like “I want to grow old with you” because you only gave me a real chance around a month ago”, he scoffed. “But that’s the truth, y/n. Hopefully, you’re falling for me right now, but I’m a sucker for you for the longest time.”

You threw your hands around Jake’s neck, hugging him close. He almost fell to his knees down the cement floor, surprised by the sudden action.

“I love you, Jake”, you whispered. “I’m not saying it because of this whole mess, I really mean it.”

Jake’s heart suddenly got warmer, filled with love and happiness.

“I love you even more, pretty”, he responded. He smiled, softly pushing you away from his grip. “I promise I’ll try my best to make you the happiest woman alive.”

June 18th, 2022 Saturday

“Hi, you reached Kanemoto Seoyun”, your mom’s robotic voice chanted across the phone. You sighed. Of course, voicemail. “Please tell me how can I help you after the beep.”

“Hey mom, it’s me... Y/n. I need to talk to you, could you please call me as soon as possible?”, you mumbled. “I know you’re having a lot to deal with in Tokyo, but I wouldn’t reach out for you if it wasn’t important, so...”

You sighed. Not knowing how to finish that awkward sentence, you just hang up. You threw yourself onto the couch, shutting your eyes close. It took you two full days to gain courage enough to call your mom, it sucked that she wasn’t available for you at the moment. Jake was at the gym, so thankfully he didn’t watch as you humiliated yourself for a second.

You stopped to think about the last two days. You told Chaewon and Yunjin it was indeed the truth — you were pregnant — and they seemed actually a little excited. You watched as Jake’s world turned into a bright yellow in pure happiness as he kneeled in front of you and kissed your tummy non-stop after a few hours. You realized you were shocked, not fully understanding the meaning of the word “pregnant”. You knew — at least your rational side — that you were creating a whole body inside of yours, a whole new life with expectations, needs, and desires, but your mind wasn’t ready for it. You knew, but it didn’t feel true.

Lots of new concerns ran across your head now. You were worried about what Jake’s family would think of you — Jay said something about them being religious —, you were worried about giving this baby everything your mom never gave you — love and attention being the top two! —, you were worried about not being able to educate a human being, and the worse of it, you were worried Jake was gonna back out anytime soon. You could handle it with him, but never by yourself. You grew up without your father since he passed away in a motorcycle accident when you were three, and honestly, your mother was miserable until she found her new husband — Kanemoto Kyouhei, a real estate agent who recently transferred to Seoul and sadly fell onto your mom’s spell. Poor bastard.

Tired of your thoughts, you wandered around the house doing random chores while Jake was out. You took every dirty piece of clothing out of Jake’s bedroom floor and shoved it inside the washing machine, vacuumed the floors, and did the dishes. You felt so close to the edge, so lost. Gosh, you could use some help.

“Hi, love”, Jake greeted as he entered the house. He threw his phone and keys on the sideboard and put his shoes away, smiling at you. “You good?”

“Yeah, why?”, you asked, rinsing a cup.

“You should probably rest”, Jake shrugged.

“Why?”

“Babe, you’re pregnant”, Jake declared as the most obvious thing on earth. You placed the cup on the dish drainer and looked at him, confused.

“Yeah, but I’m not sick.”

“I read online you won’t be able to sleep well as time goes by”, he explained, walking towards you. He turned you around so you could face him and pecked your lips. “You should enjoy while you can, hm?”

You smiled, shaking your head. It was amazing how Jake’s presence made you comfortable, without a single worry in mind. Before you could answer, Jake squatted down and lifted your shirt, exposing your — still pretty flat — stomach. He gave it the sweetest kiss, caressing the skin right after.

“Hi, baby. This is your daddy, remember me? I talked to you last night”, he whispered. “Your mom pretends to be tough, but she’s fragile. Please, give her an easy time as you grow, ok?”

You caressed his scalp, smiling. Even though your lips were curved up, your eyebrows curved down and tears fell out of your eyes.

“Why am I crying?”, you whined, crying harder.

Jake laughed, getting back up to hug you.

June 19th, 2022 Sunday

“Hi, y/n”, your mother greeted through the phone. You sighed before saying it back. You slowly closed your bedroom’s door, not really wanting Jake to listen while you were on the phone with the woman who gave you life. “I’m sorry for taking so long to return your call, things got hectic around here...”

“That’s fine, mom”, you responded. “I assumed you were busy...”, you said while sitting down on the edge of your bed.

“Thank you for being understanding”, your mom sighed — almost sounding truly relieved. “So, how’s everything going?”, she asked. Cut to the chase.

“Things are... Good. Unusual, but good”, you shrugged. Your fingertips started playing around with your sheets and you took a mental note to change them. “Jake and I are together”, you told her.

“Together as...?”

“As a couple, mom.”

“Oh”, she said. And then stayed quiet for almost a minute. “Are you happy?”

“I am”, you said truthfully.

“That’s great, then.”

“Yeah, it is...”, you agreed. “But...”

“But what?”, she cut you off, her voice not as nice by now.

You didn’t answer, incapable of elaborating an answer. The tears showed up again and you opened your mouth to breathe without letting her know you were about to have a breakdown for the nth time.

“Y/n?”

“Mom, I...”, you sighed. The lump in your throat spoke volumes and your mom sighed.

“God, tell me you’re not pregnant, y/n”, she scolded. You let a sob out, confirming her suspicion. “Oh, no.”

“It was an-”

“Of course, it was an accident, are you insane?”, she nearly yelled. Your heart sank because you were not about to say it was an accident. You were gonna tell her it was an unexpected situation, but everything would be just fine. “Are you gonna marry him?”

“What?”, you sobbed, confused. “I don’t know...”

“For Christ’s sake, y/n. Can’t you get enough of your sins?”

“Sins?!”, you whined. “What are you talking about?”

“Gosh, I knew I shouldn’t allow you to live alone with a boy. That’s my fault”, she groaned. You tried to take a deep breath, shaking your head.

“Look, I gotta go. I know you’re not happy with it — and I wasn’t expecting any different —, but I just can’t have this conversation right now.”

And without another word, you hung up and turned your phone off. You silently walked into Jake’s room, only to find him with his glasses almost falling of the bridge of his nose as he looked down to check his students’ last exams. He looked up at you, only to frown in preoccupation as he realized your face was washed-out in tears.

“What happened, love?”, he asked, slowly pushing his chair away from his desk. He tapped his thigh and you walked towards him, sitting on his lap. His arms crossed around your body, caressing your lowerback.

“I just called my mom”, you muffled against his shoulder.

“I’m assuming she didn’t love the news”, he said — trying to be funny. You nodded. “I’m sorry, babe. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

“Stay with me”, you responded in a low tone. Jake kissed your shoulder and held you tighter.

“I would never go anywhere without you.”

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somber-sapphic · 8 months

Text

Midnight Quest

〘Day 2- Quest for a Cure 〙

〘Notes- Alright, the title is bad we can all agree on that. I also changed the colors and format just a bit because I wanted to.〙

〘Summary- Natasha runs of soup, forcing you on a 3am trip to the convince store.〙

〘Word Count- 700〙

〘Pairing- Sick Natasha x Reader〙

〚Main Masterlist〛⌶〚Sicktember Masterlist〛

You walked through the isles of the 24/7 convenience store, Natasha hanging onto your arm like a clingy puppy. Ever since she’d gotten sick, she’d been all over you, demanding constant attention. She didn’t let you leave the house, even when you had run out of soup to feed her.

She wouldn’t eat anything else of course, only Campbells chicken and rice soup. You’d offered chicken noodle but were immediately shut down with complaints of how they “aren’t even remotely similar”. How they were different you didn’t fully understand, but apparently, they were.

So there the two of you were, sifting through far too many cans of soup in search of the only one she would eat. Your feverish girlfriend kept putting random things into the cart, insisting that she’d need them later.

So far, you’d had to put back a bag of Fritos (she didn’t like Fritos), a toy car and a comb. The one item you had let stay was a light brown dog with a black patch over its left eye. The look Natasha had given you when you went to put the stuffed animal back was just too much. Did she need a stuffed dog? No. Was she getting one? Yes.

“Okay babe, here it is. I want to grab a few more boxes of tissues and some cough drops and then we can head home.” You said softly, grabbing ten cans of the stuff and shoving them into the basket. The likelihood that she’d consume ten cans of soup was extremely low, but there would be more for next time.

The redhead said something unintelligible and wiped her runny nose on your shoulder, further proving your point about the need for tissues. At least you could make this one trip, had you waited much longer you may have needed to go to the real grocery store. The real grocery store wasn’t open at 3am for your sick, needy girlfriend.

You very slowly made your way to the pharmacy aisles of the store, practically dragging Natasha behind you. She had her arms wrapped around your waist and her head on your shoulder, probably drooling on you. It didn’t really matter; you’d be able to shower after she passed out in front of the tv.

While perusing the several rows of cough drops Nat sort of got away from you. She stumbled a bit further than you had expected and ended up over by the Band-Aids, looking at the Marvel themed ones with wide eyes. You couldn’t help but smirk as you tossed a bag of cherry flavored lozenges into the basket, amused by the look on her face.

“Why’sit have me?” She croaked, turning those wide green eyes on you. The box she had picked up did indeed have a little cartoon version of her plastered onto its side, next to Iron Man and Thor. You walked back to her side and kissed the tip of her chapped nose with a grin spread across your lips.

“Because you’re a hero maylsh, heroes get to be on Band-Aids.” You explained, easing the carton from her fingers and into the box. Natasha wrinkled her brow and seemed to have a moment of clarity, quickly moving to put it away.

“No, we don’t need those.” She tried to put them back, but you snatched them away and put them in the basket again.

“I think we do. Next time I get a papercut you’ll be there to protect me.” You joked, the lack of sleep getting to you a bit. Natasha wiped her nose on her sleeve and let out a small half cough half laugh, shaking her head a bit at you.

“Kay.” She mumbled, the laugh seeming to have sapped her last bit of strength. There was a good chance that she was being overdramatic (she had done it before) but this was a strangely good way for the two of you to spend time together.

“Okay then.”

With that, you grabbed a box of tissues and an extra bottle of cough medicine, paid, and left the store. Before reaching the car, you presented Natasha with the stuffed dog, your heart warming at the smile she gave you.

She leaned forward and kissed you gently, hugging the plushie close to her chest. For this woman you would go out to find soup any time of night. Afterall, you knew she would do the same for you.

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rise-my-angel · 1 year

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Gentle Vulnerability

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Length: 17.1k

Warnings: angst/hurt comfort, implied past non descript sexual assault, portrayal of non specific trauma/ptsd symptoms, smut, oral (m and f recieving), p in v, sex is consensual but there are small moments of non descriptive trauma anxiety, flashbacks

Notes: This is a bit of a personal chapter, since its very much taken inspiration from my own traumas and does explore non specific long term effects of sexual assault but nothing is ever shown or described and the only smut is consenting and with Joel. This is a continuation of Trembling Havoc from my Confused Warmth series. But can also be read as a standalone.

It was possible being as quiet as you were wasn’t always a positive. Commonly, you would slink in and out of somewhere without being spotted and typically it was a skill used mostly in protection. You spent much time by yourself and the dangers around you rested easy thinking you were never there. It certainly helped when you needed to get into a building where your presence could inevitably lead to a confrontation. Move very little and say even less, that’s how you navigate a strategy of stealth.

That focus on staying quiet did though, sometimes take away your awareness of other approaching sounds. As you crouched down, one hand raised above steadying you on the hard surface, you had been so silent that you completely missed the sounds of steps and creaking floorboards until the figure was looming over the counter.

Your head snapped up, lucky that your hand only got as far as a tiny jilt before it registered the figure above you was just one mischievously smirking Ellie. Your eyes spoke disapproving but the rest of your face played a different tune. “You making it a habit? Sneaking up on people out here? Thought you were keeping watch for infected.”

Hand relaxing, you continued to rifle through the mostly useless array of junk on the lower shelves in front of you. “I thought you said that was your job.” This time your face fell much more flat as you glanced back to to her briefly.

The three of you had been into another building already, but it was picked over fairly decently of anything of use. Both times you had silently snuck in first to lure any out that may be hiding in the corners, though the first time Ellie clearly hadn’t expected you to kick over a large metal trashcan far onto the floor to do so. If the loud clang of metal didn’t grab anythings attention, then Ellie’s voice certainly would. “That’s your big secret? Just knocking things over?”

You had just smirked as you flashed your light around the main area. “I said it worked, not that it was clever.”

“So what do you do if you knock it over and there actually infected?”

Joel answered that one for you, “You get out of there and move on.” You just tilted your head in agreement, as both you and Joel quickly came to the conclusion of nothing being there as they spoke behind you. “Avoiding them’s better then risking a fight.”

The one you’re in now fared a tad better. Most surrounding towns were void of people typically in fear of infected, but that also meant they were less likely to be spread around all over. As long as you keep to the empty streets and quiet buildings, most of them were fine you found. The longer they went without people, the more likely they were to gather in groups and lay in waiting. Especially in cold like this.

Now you were crouched down looking at something Ellie had hidden from you. “Not much left with pharmacy stuff, I assume?” Your voice muttered as you glanced over the counter to see where Joel was looking. He himself was knelt down with his bag, clearly having more luck.

Ellie waggled her eyebrows to herself like debating her antics before drawling out her tone. “Well, there was one thing.” Tossing it finally at you, whatever was inside knocked around against the packaging. A flip of the box in your hands it took you a moment to register what you were looking at.

Only to deflate completely both at what you were looking at and her laughter. A very dust covered thin box painted in a light pastel that had faded over time. The words and image though bright enough to highlight that you were holding a pregnancy test kit.

Your face unamused to her opposite, you raised an eyebrow. Shrugging in an exaggerated manner she leaned back, now her hands holding onto the counters edge. “Just seems like something that might come in handy, you know always expect the unexpec-”

Interrupting her own voice with a mild yelp as you tossed it back, bonking it off of her unsuspecting forehead. Never one to give up before the joke is done though, Ellie held her hands up in the air one with the box purposely facing you. “I thought we were always supposed to be prepared?”

Your hand on your waist you narrowed your eyes, mouthing a clear “Put it back” before watching her retreat. Glancing over at Joel, he looked from his own amused gaze at Ellie and bounced to you in question. Only getting a head shake and a slight smirking eye roll as his response.

Both of them ended up meeting you around the middle, Ellie in the middle of putting her gloves back on. “Come on, it’s boring out there. Gotta make your own fun.”

Joel playfully nudged her towards the door, as you took up the rear. You all could have been back at this point, but he had suggested the detour just to see if there was anything bringing back. Part of you agreed with him, but also had you wondering if just perhaps he wanted to spend time just the three of you before rejoining the crowds of the community you now called home.

Was it for him, or for you? This sensation of closeness was new to all three of you, but it also dug at you and Joel in different ways. He had more time to get used to this, and a surrounding of people that helped him adjust faster. You, not so much.

Someone, whom instead of slowly heating to a boil, blazed out of control in a wildfire that yanked you into the arms of support.. Going back to Jackson meant being able to live that new support unobstructed.

Your hands trying to dig into your palms, but softened by the cushioning gloves around your nails leaving you only with one other cope. Free falling into the unknown. Your eyes glanced up to Joel’s tall figure from where you walked behind him, and Ellie’s lively smaller one. Their voices mumbling, but accustomed to the other.

There wasn’t anything pulling you away from finding a life with them now. Bonded for life as if some other worldly force brought your traumas together to heal. The secrets were out, the ones that mattered at least and now all was left was for them to know you as you are.

Strangely enough, it felt just as daunting as those first few days.

You had been given a few nice options, cozy houses close to everyone else with lots of room. The first one you paced around the echoing rooms being reassured the kind of amenities these places had set up. The only comment you made being, “Lot of space for just me.”

The second one didn’t even get the chance to be peeked into. Sounds of laughter and loud chatter wized by, your attention turned to watch the main street crowded with people and little quiet that had something inside make your heart beat a little more noticeable.

It was Maria who suggested the one you ended up in. You didn’t really notice at the time, but it was clear she had been spending some time trying to figure you out, and the hour or so you’d been there had said at least something trustworthy. Tommy initially protesting, mostly because the house was small and needed size able work to make it halfway decent, but it was away from the street and one or two house lengths from the nearest neighbour. “If it has plumbing and a front door then it’s perfect.”

You didn’t venture out the rest of that first day. They seemed decent people here but there were too many of them, at least for now. It was early morning when you ventured outside. The sky still clouded in grey with more threats of rain, and the air still cool enough to chill your lungs, but it gave you time to map out where everything was.

Many seemed apprehensive about you, but looking back on it it wasn’t like you were all that approachable. A quiet, skittish demeanour that hardly spoke a word and looked unsure to the point of distrust at your surroundings. Not exactly like the open and welcoming community here. Quiet and on edge with enough lack of sleep, you could see it. It wasn’t until you had been walking into what appeared to be a dining hall did someone broach the conversation barrier.

Your elbows had been leaning against a high counter. Back close to the wall, looking at a scene that felt nothing like the only kind you’d known for twenty years. Was this a safe life they had always been used to, or were you just particularly bad at adapting to it? There was very little of interest in your house yet save for what you brought. But you had no clue what the etiquette was around food in this place and you were still way too exhausted to even consider going outside to fend for yourself.

Now that you here in here though, the idea of asking made your heart race just a little too much.

A voice spoke up at that moment, your eyes squinting at the room too distracted to notice anyone noticed you. “You know people usually come here to eat, right?” Turning your head from side to side until a shorter figure sat at a table on her own. A kid, maybe around thirteen if you had to guess, with sharp watchful eyes and a playful glint behind it. “Just ask, they’re not going to make you wait until you starve to give you anything. As far as I know.”

It was possible you just had been alone for too long, but there was a smartass behind the girl’s goofy little smile and it almost pulled a smirk out.. Your head nodded at the empty space in front of her with an eyebrow raised. Her own tilting in more amusement, “I’m waiting for someone.” You didn’t question it but she backtracked as if trying to recondition herself. “It’s good manners to wait until everyone’s at the table with their food before you start eating.”

A real smirk fell over your mouth, that was definitely something she either rehearsed or spent far too many occasions being told it. “How do you know I’m not doing the same?”

“Because you just got here and don’t know anyone.” You raised an eyebrow once more as her expression fell flat of it’s clever one up. “I live across the street from Maria, she mentioned you were new. Something about getting a few things since you didn’t arrive with much.”

Nodding was your only response. Growing slightly uncomfortable knowing she was waiting for someone or someones, you didn’t think you wanted to stick around and get roped into meeting more new people. But something about her blunt curiosity was endearing. So you shrugged, letting an exhale out watching for approaching people foolishly as if an ambush was immanent. “Travel by yourself long enough, you figure out how to get on just fine on the bare minimum.”

Unlike the apprehensive interest from the couple yesterday at how long you’d been by yourself, the kid’s head nodded with eyes of understanding you could recognize. “I get it, first time I was here we spent like three months in the woods in the middle of winter. Felt like a space alien seeing how much shit they have.”

Someone not you would have asked where she was from, who she was with but your face just scrunched in an understanding before pushing up so your palms rested on the wood. Your nails tapped at it, their far too long length making satisfying pings against it. Mouth opening and closing to ask her name but letting it go, at least she didn’t share the same silence. “I’m Ellie.”

Turning your neck to look at her, you still found no curious judgment everyone else had. So you gave her yours back, a normal smile washing over. “You want to sit down? Food in here’s really fucking good.”

Head dropped again, pushing off as you tried to look apologetic through your uncomfortable insides growing. “No, it’s okay. You’re waiting on someone.”

Ellie tried protesting, “No it’s fine, he won’t care.” Pausing for a moment before an amused half smile returned, “Or, well maybe he will but it’s not personal he’s like that with everyone.”

Forcing a polite smile, you knelt down to pull your back over a shoulder. “Thanks, but I uh,” glancing back at the room, “I just don’t really do crowds.”

Before you could turn away she fully she called your name, “Am I going to see you around?”

At the time you didn’t really get why Ellie liked you from the start, but you just nodded. Watching her long enough to return it, satisfied with your answer before you walked out completely. The growing noise of talking rung in your ears as the openness of the street called to settle your nerves.

Completely missing that you almost walked into someone in your need to get out, and definitely not realizing the curious glance they gave you. It wasn’t right away, but Joel sure found out soon enough that Ellie discovered a whole new thing to bombard him about. Not expecting it to be the new person he accidentally barged in on. Frown on his face as he recalled that you looked at him as if flinching back from a fight. A look that sat oddly in his stomach even moreso at your hasty retreat of the building.

To be transparent, you’re still not quite sure now why she took a liking to you. By the time you all had gotten back, you felt that strangeness once again. Reaching the main part of town, you quietly mumbled something about unloading some of your stuff as you spotted Tommy up ahead.

Joel though, reached out and turned you back to him by your waist. His eyes narrowing in concern towards you. “Hey, we’re not asking for privacy, you know that?”

Shaking your head you pointlessly adjusted the straps on your bag, trying not to look directly at him to avoid how easily he knew when you were lying. “No, no it’s-” Your eyes glanced over to the others and swallowed harshly. “Just got a lot of stuff that's not mine, might as well off load it.”

His deep brown eyes looked you up and down, determining something which landed him a conclusion with too many variables to be certain. “Alright.” The hand on your waist traced down the side of your face lightly, “If we’re not home by the time you get back-”

Lips tight together along with your jaw tightening in a clench, “Just head over, got it. Take your time.”

The gravel crunched under your feet as you made your way to up one of the main buildings. The town was overwhelming when you first arrived, and you had to get used to being allowed to have some life here. Then everything fell apart one by one, but now the circle has completed it’s round. You’re right back to where you started only people to go home to and less chances to wonder when you’d finally leave this place.

A few people gave their greetings as you passed them by, the only thing they knew was the three of you were gone for a few days not that so much of your world shook you by your feet. Stripping your soul bare for Joel to see.

Swerving through the gatherings, you ignored the eyes that followed you, or perhaps didn’t even see them. Shutting the door behind you, you dropped your bag with a thud and just as hard dropped your arms to cross on the table pressed up against the wall. Head dropped in there, your legs bent you let the muffled voices lull into your ears, once again getting used to so much.

Realistically everyone had gone through something, events that tore their lives and loved ones away and filled your blood with the anxiety of never seeing them again. And no one found it easy, everyone bled that pain and yet you felt selfish for resenting people here who have their lives build back together.

You weren’t special, and you felt pathetic for wishing others emotions to revolve around compensating your own turmoils. Sighing deeply you finally dragged your head back up, transferring your bag onto the table. Laying out the guns and ammo you had come into possession of, and your shedding the ones not of your own.

Taking your time, you unloaded and cleaned out everything methodically before scratching the details down on the lined paper laying about. Whoever had been in here last didn’t even put much care into keeping it all together clearly. It usually wasn’t in such a state, at least when you were doing inventory it wasn’t.

Heat rising in your chest, you paused to unzip your jacket. Pulling out the ammo kept in one of the pockets before tossing the article onto the empty stool across the small space. You must have been in there longer then you noticed, when the door opened the sounds that pooled in were quieter then when you walked in.

Hands hovered mid air, you felt annoyed that you just lost count. Peeking over you were surprised to see who it was. “You’ve been in here forever, thought I’d check and see if you’re alive.”

Alex was a tall man, probably a little younger then Tommy with a shiny smile and a bit too full of a bravado for your patience. You weren’t even sure the last time you spoke to him, or even wanted too honestly. There’s only been about four people that have heard more then a few words from you in weeks and he was certainly not one of them.

Looking at him, you tilted your head in an aloof manner. Unsure what to respond to his comment but no doubt he found a way to fill the silence. “Barley seen you the past few days,” Not technically a lie but also not even true considering you’ve been out of the town for days. “The lot of us, just wondering who’s been keeping you away- or busy, you know?”

There was no question who he meant, but clearly not on the same level for why he was referring too them, and you did not want to hear it. Not bothering to look at him, one of your fingertips tapped against the wood as you counted what was left in the box albeit with a bit more tensing strain in it’s knuckle that matched with the clench in your jaw. “I keep myself busy just fine.”

Your tone flat and restrained, not a hint at all to him though. Alex had thick luscious hair he no doubt spend too much time on, too many chemicals on top of it likely made it harder for any real facts get into his brain. A few women you’ve worked around with commented on how handsome it made him look, but lord did you not follow what they were talking about.

“No, no, yeah. I just mean you moved like what? Last week? And suddenly you’re hardly around?” If your hands tensed even more the bones would snap. “So that’s just how it works now? He tells you to move in with him and you just follow orders.”

The lifetime of anxiety you had been through felt odd in comparison as you just stood there and felt far to uncomfortable to tell this man to shut up. This was not the time you could handle Alex’s newfound issues with Joel. “It’s not like that.”

Wow, you tell him. By now you’ve recounted five times and still couldn’t even guess how much ammo you have and the frustration was rising in your throat. Your name coming from his mouth sounded nowhere near as warm and soothing as it did from Joel’s, feeling almost pathetic for wishing he was here when you had been away for what? An hour or two?

Or was it just Alex’s condescension that had you yearning for Joel’s intimate quiet. “Problem is babe, it is just that.” Since when did he think you wanted to be called something like that by him of all people? It pinged in your chest like a drop of water freezing each spot it drips onto. “You were finally starting to open up, and then what? Miller comes along and suddenly you’re never around, and fuck if you told me you moved in with him? Pretty awkward trying to stop by your house only to walk in and it’s empty.”

Your lungs tightened as your eyes narrowed. Head turning enough to look at him with something much like a glare. “You just walked into my house?”

Alex just looked at you like you were an idiot, shrugging his shoulders. “Sorry for wanting to know where you were, besides not like it’s your anymore right?”

Your palms slid to rest on the table edges, looking down while you breathed through your nose to settle the ice within you. It didn’t matter if you didn’t live there, Alex didn’t know that and he wasn’t just allowed to walk in. Only two people did and they both knew you were okay with it. Why was Alex acting like this? This only started when people begun putting two and two together regarding Joel but you had no idea why.

Giving up, you slid your eyes shut to take a deep breathe. Letting the flow, swim through to your heart as it forced it’s pace to simmer. You could hear him ask if you were even listening, but you refused to open your eyes until your heart moved back in proper place.

Your limbs lost some tension giving you the strength enough to scribble down the rest of the details and leaned up on your toes to pin it on the wall. Head down and voice low, you wanted to just leave so you kept calm. “I have things to do, Alex. We’ll talk about this later.”

Talk about what, was not part of the planning process. He did however, sigh and flop his back against one of the uncluttered walls and crossed his arms across his chest. “As you wish.” Letting the room be quiet as you finished storing the unloaded weapons and doing your bag back up.

Turning to reach for your jacket, you found him holding it out for you with one hand and a very flat fallen expression. Gently taking it you mumbled, “Thank you.” Before electing to drape it over your bag carried shoulder.

You made it a few steps into the main hall before he muttered angrily under his breath. “God forbid he catches you alone with another man, right?” Your boots squeaked as you pivoted in place, incredulity plastered all over you. But he just raised his hands and shook his head refusing to look at you. “Woah sorry, forgot he doesn’t like having of humour either. It was a joke.”

No idea where that came from, you just swallowed something heavy and unpleasant feeling in your throat before turning abruptly. Not even bothering to put your jacket on before making your way into the freezing wind.

Already too far away, you missed the uncomfortable stare down occurring between Alex and Maria, who by sheer accident had heard most of the latter half of the man’s immaturity. Ever the clever woman, gears already turned in her head that she knew weren’t clicking in yours.

Walking back to Joel’s house, you couldn’t push away something that didn’t go down when you tried shoving. A strange feeling in your limbs and chest like they were tingling, a warning of tensity that spiked your subconscious. A sensation following you all the way up the steps. It didn’t quite all get caught behind the front door as you shut it though.

No, whatever this pricking in your limbs danced within your chest as well, just dulled by the immediate sight of Ellie who had clearly not made it to her own bed. A bowl of something on the coffee table and her body flailed out in exhaustion.

Quiet as you could, you sat your bag down in the main entrance before tip toeing over. Her own bag sat on the floor in front of her, your eye also caught to a blanket on the opposite end to her feet. Finally, a soft smile made it’s way over you. Very slowly pulling the material over to rest over her shoulder. With a shake of your head you grabbed her bag and made your way to her room, quietly putting it in sight on the bed she clearly thought she wasn’t tired enough to need.

Joel’s door sat ajar, but little noise came from it. You wondered if too he fell victim to the same sleepy fate. Your fingers tapped at the wall, debating to go in. Something about Alex’s conversation bothered you, but you weren’t entirely sure why or what part of it did.

Pushing it open slightly, the light at his bedside was on, and some of his clothes were still sat out like he just peeled them off. Glancing back at the main washroom the door was shut but no water was on. He probably just finished.

Waves of similar tiredness washed over you finally now that the familiarity of this place settled. A few tilts to stretch your neck slid into a deep sigh. Opening one of the top dresser drawers to pull out a new pair of socks, you managed to get as far as closing it before sliding onto the ground seemed like the more feasible spot. Starting to undo your laces with your back pressed against the drawer handles you could hear shuffling from Joel behind the door, causing a deeper sigh.

The exhale there giving more and more weight to your shoulder, you peeled the first shoe off and tossed it towards Joel’s and dragged the wet sock down. Soles of your heels cracked in some spots and calloused in others, your head banged against the wood for just a moment.

Joel found you in the middle of all this, towel sat at his waist with water still peeking through the thick volume of hair now mostly slicked back. His brown eyes soft as they gazed towards you, while yours looked similar but also tinged in something further away. A growing look Joel still was figuring out how to address.

Finally replacing your feet covering with thick, warm socks you let your legs spread flat onto the floor your head once again resting on the drawers behind you. “Bed too comfortable for you?”

Head dropping back as you chuckled slightly, words didn’t come as easily. Watching Joel step inside enough to properly close the door, you couldn’t help but look back up at him. Your heart beat a little faster, but in two fashions. One you had become accustomed too. Broad chest wide and expansive giving way to a softer stomach with various scars scattered about. Most of which you knew of.

The more comprehensible of sides wondered if you could lay Joel out on his back across the sheets and recite each part of him as if knowing him skin deep extended to his heart, imagining his large hands resting at the sides of your thighs. Squeezing tighter handfuls when you lightly trace over more sensitive spots. But that wasn’t the only speed.

That yearning to prove you were in his heart fought against a dark tightening in yours. As if for a split second, looking at Joel nearly bare standing above you, sparked a flicker of fear. It felt familiar in a way, but not identifiable and certainly inexplicable with him.

If he detected that millisecond of emotion, he chose to ignore it as you spoke. Voice almost cracked from how weak your throat wanted to put effort into. “I got as far as the drawer, then gave up. Forgot how much work hiking through all that snow is.”

Finding a spot between the open spread of your legs, he looked down with a genuine curiosity one hand outstretching to you. “I get it, me and Ellie spent pretty much all last winter out in the goddamn woods. Where’d you usually go during winter?”

Eyebrows raising you nodded towards the towel, “Bit of a long towel for putting on a show don’t you think?” His face fell flat and you breathed out a small laugh at how quickly he almost dropped his hand.

Pulling you up with one and the other finding a steadying place on your hip he dropped his chin, eyes closing for a moment. “Don’t tempt me, I’m too tired to make it worth your while. Gettin-”

Nudging his stomach with a few fingers, he smirked at your own eye rolling one. “If you say if it’s because your getting old everyone in this house must be ancient.” You started to pull away, turning enough to pull your flannel off. “Besides you’ve more then proved appetite's not an issue.”

Joel knew you purposely nodded towards his lower half with that look. Either teasing how getting him worked up was the opposite of the truth or his stomach that both of you full well knew you’d never actually even want to tease. Wasn’t a good day in that house unless someone made fun of someone else for a numerous of dumb reasons.

Your back turned now from him, you got as far as the closet before you felt fingers grasping at your shirt and tugging you back into Joel’s chest. Both of his hands resting at your waist. Voice low in your ear rumbling through your head. “I asked you a question.”

For briefest of seconds you almost slipped up with a laugh, but it failed on your tongue. A shiver not from the cold tingling down the length of your spine. The second time in one day something wormed it’s way into your head that you were too tired to enough to identify. The spots Joels hands met your own body suddenly so much more present in your alertness.

He smoothed one of them out to his palm, sliding down to your hip as he crowded you, his height looming over you enough rest part of his head trying to peek down to the front of yours. “I didn’t mean to-”

Shaking no, you at least sounded softer unlike the uncomfortable feeling inside. “No, you’re fine. I just...” Why were you considering lying? Joel knows when you’re not telling him the truth, why would you risk a lie? “Last few just you know, cold and quiet. Being on my own, and all.”

His palm running up and down your hip, chest humming into your back with your name. “I know you said you don’t want to talk about earlier, but” your heart leaped and apparently so did your body because Joel was tugging you back into his chest before you realized you even had strayed. “But something else is bothering you, more then when we just got back.”

Trapped behind an underlying anxiety that had never occurred to you until just now. Was it the conversation itself, or were you trying to pretend as if far off in the woods did his voice repeat just one thing? Being alone with men wasn’t an issue of any kind between you and Joel, so why on earth did Alex make you feel guilty for it?

Being quiet for too long, Joel pressed his lips to the side of your head. One high, one lower, and one just below your ear. “Okay. How about we lay down for a while first?” Pulling back his cheek pressed to the side of your head, staring at the same nothing you did. “Beacuse I know for a fact you haven’t slept in days.”

Luck gracing you, Joel’s calmness and warmth pushed down the growing cold inside you. He wasn’t one for pushing people to open up about what was wrong, and certainly not with you. No, you and him had a little too much in common like that for Joel to force things before they were ready.

He hummed more in the tune of satisfied when you nodded. Exhale deflating your shoulders instead of your mind focusing on how Joel was holding you, now it just wanted his touch back in general. The fog of what was wrong pushed away, already having forgetting the fleeting second of fear entirely.

You should have known you were right. His appetite for you wasn’t at all diminished with time. The lack of any kind of underwear when he put on a pair of sweatpants was a clear indicator the man was either consciously or subconsciously thinking of easy access.

The fact that he handed you a pair, that just so happened to also be his, should have given it away as well. Getting old, your ass. Crawling under the covers you immediately shoved your face into the softness of the pillow, something halfway between a sigh and a moan muffling into the material at something under your head that wasn’t the ground.

Bed dipping on the other side, you turned partially to look at him. Feeling stupid for ever considering he meant anything more duplicitous then the kindness emminating off his face. Hair still slightly wet and the right angle of light from the window made the greys stand out. Arm lazily reaching out to run your hand slightly through it.

Smiling at the groan that left his mouth as soon as your nails scratched into is scalp, Joel yanked your arm away with a frown before just hauling you into his chest. Cradling your back once more he had you both turned to keep out of the direct sunshine from your faces.

Your free arm tucked into you while the other found it’s hold on Joel’s wrist, as his now kept you against him by your hip. For a few minutes, there was content silence in the house, not even the hustle outside crept it’s way inside. You didn’t notice when your eyes slid shut, or even register if you had been awake this whole time or if you dozed off for a few minutes.

The feeling of Joel dragging his nose down your hair until finding your neck to place another kiss at had you fidget in his hold. “Did everything go alright?” He was quiet for a second trying to let his brain catch up only to pull back when you tried turning to see him did he just keep you closer then before as you started to clarify. “You know, with-”

He hummed while his head moved against the back of yours. “Went fine. I think Maria has a few more questions but guess she figured she’d let us rest first.” It could be comical how Joel lifted his head off the pillow to see your face clearly before the guilt set in. “Hey, this ain’t-”

“I know, I know. Just...” You trailed off, almost awkwardly.

Joel gently pulled some of your hair from being too much in your face, “What?”

Flickering up to see him, you decided to burrow further into the pillow. Dark eyes too deep and intense to look into sometimes. “I don’t know. Sometimes I just wonder what she thinks of me. Bringing in some pretty big problems when all I wanted was a bed.”

His mouth still close to your skin you felt the smirk forming. “Yeah don’t worry I think I have you beat on giving her the wrong impression.” Both of you chuckled as your free hand went to seek out his wrist once more, wanting something of him to hold onto.

Sparks pinching into your skin where Joel’s fingers danced up and down, peeking under your shirt and stopping just at your waistline before starting the track over. “Tommy made some mention about that I think. Something about painting you like an asshole, getting Maria on her high horse about you.”

Pausing you leaned your head back, feeling his neck lifted up to see you better still. His other arm had propped his head up by the elbow as you spoke. “Okay he didn’t say that to me. I said that to her.”

Rumbled laughter bounced from your ear and down into your chest as he let out a louder laugh before it tapered off to something further back in memory. “It’s better now. Tommy may have said some things, but I also wasn’t exactly in the best place when we first got here. Probably didn’t make things any better.”

More time passed you couldn’t be sure if you dozed through. Neither you or Joel had moved but you could feel his chest rise and fall with each passing breathe and the softness of his stomach press perfectly against your lower back. You suspected he may be awake, the dancing of his fingertips traced along your waistline without straying far.

Your heart spoke two languages once more. One you knew and understood, a gentle yearning for Joel to be as close as possible even if that meant part of him being inside you in whichever way you could get. The other though? The speeding of your heart that felt like a warning aimed and ready to sound, that one confused you.

His touch warm as they tucked themselves under the soft clothing but didn’t slide too far. Just tracing your hips as much as a he could before very slowly inching further along the skin. Not quite ready to translate, you turned partially to give his hand more space to explore what he wished. The soothing gesture of his palm flattening to run across your skin.

Neither of you spoke, almost unwilling to break the serene peace that so commonly avoided coming near you. Your hitched breathe and Joel’s controlled but deep ones behind hitting part of your neck where he brushed a space clear for himself.

The roughness of his own hand contrasted the softness underneath, much like Joel himself. Too often the looks he gave to people held little behind them that mattered. So few in his life meant anything truly important and yet he let you inside of that. Opened his heart and let you tenderly care for the emotions within that ran miles beyond anger or danger. It was an intimacy you didn’t really understand, but now you sort of do if only for Joel. Harsh, but trusting that roughness wasn’t his only side.

So close to his touch, skipping past your ass Joel cupped the plush skin right below one of your cheeks and a deeper inhale proceeded a shaky exhale right over your neck. Finding the inside of your thighs, right before reaching between your legs you felt it.

The air from his lungs wasn’t the shaking cold in your neck, because the blanket over top you both and his hands ran warm. Yet you felt your legs do the same. Joel’s movements pausing, gripping your inner thigh more firmly and shifted behind you.

You didn’t want to lie to him, you don’t know why you couldn’t stop thinking about that. But you also didn’t want to break this peace. So you let the shiver finally free fall down your back and snugged back into him more. Hoping to feign the cold.

He didn’t say he bought it, but your muscles relaxed in his touch regardless. So the one he danced over your inner thighs leaped. Two fingers moving up and down the middle of your underwear every so lightly up to your clit where he pressed down just the tiniest bit more. Releasing the pressure and back down. Once, twice, five times before he let his hand cup your whole mound.

The feeling of this thumb smoothing up and down the space just before your underwear begun harmonized with his whole hand rubbing ever so slightly. The heel of his palm not teasing rough on your clit like he had done before, instead teasing your covered pussy.

A shaky sigh leaving your lips, Joel uses his leverage to pull your hips into his pushing forward. His cock thick against your ass as he grinds into you just the slightest. Almost instinctively you found yourself leaning back into it, sparks inside you alighting at how quickly you could feel him grow harder and harder. Your arm reached back to seek him out, Joel using his own free one to grab it, bring them up to his lips.

His kiss was small and delicate at the same instance he ground his cock into you. Draping your arm behind so you could grasp at his hair, your nails scratched up and down the strands. Quiet hums of need held back in his throat, he turned to lay you on your back. His top half leaning over you, with his hand still rubbing you over your underwear.

Both of your arms shifted to hold the side of his neck and face, your thumb rubbing over the coarse facial hair. The worrying ping in your heart felt funny now that you looked at him. His eyes soulful as they drop down to your lips and shamelessly look between them and up once more, but they also held need. Like the tightness of his hands on you, Joel’s face wasn’t soft and adoring it was crestfallen and almost emotional.

He needed something he wasn’t voicing. Your gaze flickered between his own parted lips and his eyes before slipping shut. Both moving towards the other at the same time Joel’s kiss was rougher then expected.

Lips demanding you follow his, let him guide you deeper into his kiss and tease your tongue desperate to pull the gasping whine you always tried to hide. But he wanted those sounds to echo in his own and the exhaustion would have to wait.

Nails back in his hair, Joel’s kiss was as needy and sloppy as his hand was desperate to slide under the fabric of your underwear. The warmth of his hand nothing compared to the heat between your legs, but not close to where he felt most comfortable with you.

His tongue draped across yours with each new press of his lips, and two thick fingers of his pressed into your clit making small rubs. His touch both devouring and exposing, you had two thoughts. That you didn’t know why you were having such pockets of uncomfortability, and that you knew Joel wouldn’t just ask to be taken care of.

So if you didn’t want to be honest of what you did not understand, you would do what he deserved to have. One of your legs bent by the knee putting the foot flat on the bed as you pushed him away from your mouth. The kiss sloppy enough that both of your lips had a sheen of saliva coating them. Gently you guided Joel to lay flat on his back and assumed his position.

Leaning over him and capturing a much less deep kiss as your hand smoothed and nails lightly scratched down his chest and back. Nails carving up, palm smoothing down lower with each iteration of the route.

Moving one of your legs up and over to settle on the other side of his hips, you shushed his eyes ready to question. Shaking your head and kissing him once more. A smile across your face, small but soft at how affected he was.

On display, Joel felt no fear showing you what was stripped away. Both a burning rough need to have you,, make sure you both are here and to stay, but also exhaustion. Days out in the winter and more scares then any of you three ever wanted. His brain begged for sleep, but your hips just barley sat on his covered cock and your hand on his fast beating heart that needed something else.

Kissing down the length of his body, you stopped at each mark. Just a soft kiss, could even be called a peck but each one was covered start to finish before you slinked down to his sweatpants. Your palms smoothing up and down his thighs, his chest was far more tense then when you had been up there. A clench in his jaw as you bent down to kiss at his soft waistline.

Tugging his pants down slowly you kissed along with the exposed skin until getting to his cock. Joel’s hands fisting the sheets beside him, you gently pulled him out and did nothing to help the growing tension at your touch.

Moving to kiss the tip of his cock, you slide them down his thick length, your tongue licking him just as wet as his own kiss was to your mouth. You could hear his breathing grow harsher, but still tried keeping his hands to himself.

By the time you were ready to take him, you had coated his entire length. Your hand coming up to gently grip the base of his cock, much more gentle then you knew he would take himself. Slowly stroking up and down the saliva made a slick sound with each move, but it was when you licked his tip and barley let him into your mouth before moving back gently did Joel get fed up.

One of his hands grabbing the back of your hair and tugging to make you look up. Slightly sat up, his face as clenched and tense. Nostrils flared as he breathed heavily, and was the one to break the serene silence. His voice rough, almost a rasp like holding back had cracked his vocal cords. “Don’t tease me, sweet girl. Let me slide down your pretty throat, okay?”

His hand in your hair was tight, but it clenched at your heart too. The pinging in your chest nowhere to be seen, you nodded eyes wide and ready to listen. Joel’s darker ones blazed with something much more then greed. Readjusting so most of your hair was out of your face, you let Joel be the one to guide you back down onto his cock.

He didn’t let you tease him further. As soon as you had his tip in your mouth, Joel stuttered a whispering groan out at the feeling, “Oh fuck,” Your trust was in his grip, and the man knew exactly what you could handle. The hand gentle around his girth moved uselessly to hold at his hip, Joel pushing your wet mouth down onto his cock until about halfway.

Already licking what you could get, Joel held you there. Letting the saliva accumulate in your mouth enough that it may have felt embarrassing if it were with anyone else. He watched it spill from the corners and down his cock. You finally felt him push your head again, moving barley an inch down before pulling you up.

Never allowing you off him in anyway, Joel pushed and pulled your head up and down as you licked and greedily sucked his cock. Your eyes shut and a noise building in your chest that wasn’t quite a moan or a groan but just a needy sound that had Joel swearing more. Each time he moved you half an inch more of his length, “That’s right, good girl. Nice and slow, just like we practiced.”

A whine vibrated against him and Joel accidentally pushed you down barley an inch from the base of his cock with a moan, but he held you there. Your hands were tight on his thighs, but as long as your nails didn’t dig deep enough that it felt sharp, he knew you wanted more.

The pace he guided you to bob along his cock sped, and his stomach muscles went wild with a twisting pleasure. You sucked at his tip as he came close to grunting, collecting his words. “All the way down now, sweetheart.”

This time guiding you much slower, his deep voice never leaving as he pushed. “Fuck- oh fuck, see sweet girl? You’re perfect, throats meant to let me fill it up.” His hips pushed up a bit more by now, his grip less intense, more just holding you so he could thrust as he needed.

You sucking every shallow thrust he gave, the saliva and precum soaking your lips and his cock weren’t the only thing dripping. The pressure of how deep and thick he sat in your throat pulled stinging tears and a shameless muffled whine as Joel thrusted deep enough to keep you as far as you could.

Your nose pressed up against the thick, dark hair surrounding his cock. Hands holding his hips so much more desperately as you once again made indeterminate sounds of need behind his length. He pushed and pulled your head down his cock in tandem with the thrusts he could manage as the cum and saliva made a soaking mess and the wet sounds of just how much of it there was the only thing aside from whatever moans and deep mumbling of need Joel could voice.

You felt his cock throb in your mouth, almost too much too fast that you almost panicked, but you didn’t know which, what way. Joel’s moans were short and raising in pitch, breathless, “Oh god, fuck sweetheart, oh fuck-” barley audible but you decided you wanted to give him more.

Grabbing the hand at the back of your head, you covered it and pushed down until you once again were overwhelmed with his entire length down your throat and your own insides leaping at how too much too fast it was.

But you sucked, nose still pressed against the coarse hair, palms sliding up to grasp what sides of his ass you could reach from his back to the sheets. Your hand not moving, Joel moved enough to grab yours and switch. His larger hand now covering yours and keeping you sucked his cock, neither caring how much of a sloppy mess being made. “Gonna make me cum, sweet girl. Let me spill down this perfect, fucking throat, okay?”

You barley got a nod out before it snapped. Joel’s head falling back hard into the pillow behind as his hips trusted up into your mouth as he came. Your gag reflex from the pressure almost so much so quickly your heart lept in panic, but his warm cum spilling inside your mouth kept you as together as you could.

His cock so deep inside, you swallowed what you could but mostly you just were held there taking what he fed you as he mumbled incoherently above, only your name and what could only be expletives in Spanish being made out.

Joel’s hand finally easing up as he finally stopped coming, his body flushed and heaving. Sweat accumulating on his hair and chest despite the blinding white snow flying outside the window as he came back down to his senses.

You pulled off his cock slowly, as you gently sucked and licked your way off but there was no escaping how swollen and stained in his cum your lips were. Your head dropped against his hips trying to catch your breathe when Joel coaxed you up to him.

His torso moving to sit up, Joel had you partially in his lap. His eyes drooping and his face dropped in compete content, Joel swiped two fingers across your lips. Intending to drop them down to your pussy, you stopped. Something back inside your chest that you just couldn’t handle or even try to vocalize at that moment.

Instead, you pulled them both into his mouth, sucking them just as clean. His eyes narrowed, more grumbling in Spanish before pulling them out of your mouth and cupping the side of your face. His nose nudging against yours, Joel was so close to your lips you could feel them as he spoke. “Let me take care of you.”

Shaking your head you kissed him gently. Swipes of your tongues not needy, but a loving tease before you pulled away. You being the one to nudge his nose with yours this time and twin grins when it made Joel smirk. “Sleep first, Miller. We can play more later.”

Joel rolled his eyes, pulling you into his chest as he lay both of you down. Your leg swung across his and most of your upper half draped over his chest as both his arms held you to him. “Play later...Jesus christ, sweetheart.”

A kiss pressed to his heart, you focused on him. If he were to have his way, Joel no doubt would insist on giving you something in return. But he was content, exhausted and too selfish to let you out of his arms, so he missed both how clearly soaking wet and turned on you were but also that twice now you talked him out of touching you.

Laying there for a while, both of you knew sleep hadn’t come to either of you yet. One of his hands stroked over your hair, when his voice low and serious spoke up. “What kept you so long this afternoon?”

Joel was more awake then you, eyes open and trained on nothing above as he felt your head snuggle into his chest more. His arms tightening at the sensation. You weren’t awake enough to remember why you didn’t bring anything up.

You sighed lightly, “Alex caught me in the storage room.”

Whatever ping had kept your heart jumping beats in your chest earlier, twisted in an unsettled darkness in Joel’s at how that sounded, your next sleepy words doing little to make it better. “Just hassling me about you, I don’t know. He’s just been...mean...since you and I...”

You didn’t at all remember your words by this point, and Joel couldn’t even tell if you were actually conscious, but if your sleep answered honestly he was there to listen.

“Said he shouldn’t be alone with me, kind of like...”

Whatever that was leading too was the exact honesty not even your waking self realized was closing in on how uneasy you kept bleeding into. You didn’t think any words were said before you both fell asleep, but it wasn’t just anger brewing in Joel’s head as he lay there.

Feeling you sleeping in his arms, more then one thing spun in his head and he liked none of them and even more of those had no answer. But, Joel too was exhausted, and finally just let himself drift off alongside you.

Joel would wake up before you only to realize it was getting dark out. Slipping out slowly, Joel stopped at the washroom before peeking into Ellie’s still empty bedroom. Finding her still passed out on the couch, Joel just shook his head with a smile.

Just as carefully as he left the bed to leave you undisturbed, Joel moved Ellie all the way into her own bed. Her grumbles at being jostled in her sleep and the furrowed brows alongside almost made Joel chuckle out loud.

He found himself actually just watching her for bit. Stuck at her bedside, a soft brightness in his eyes until he heard you shift around in the blankets.

Turns out all three if you had let the weight of the past few days leave everyone a bit more sleep deprived then perhaps any of you had been honest about. Tomorrow, whatever foggy list of things bouncing along Joel’s brain would be dealt with then.

For now, he slunk back into his bedroom. Finding that as soon as he was under the covers, you twisted around to meet him in the middle face to face. The comfort of the others warmth at night being a gift he, deep down, felt painfully in his heart, that you once thought you didn’t deserve.

More than once you were told to just relax that morning, but you felt restless. Only getting as far as mid morning before making your way into one of the kitchens. At least if your hands were occupied that took a bit of strain off your wandering mind.

To your benefit, the others seemed to leave you be. Letting you finish one thing before nudging you over to something else without much direction. Good thing considering you barley heard any of the chatter around you, images blasting by in your head so quickly all your energy was focused on figuring out why you had this odd feeling in your gut.

There had been spurts of it before, small moments or tiny splashes of emotion that pulled you into the dark but spat you back out just as quick. Now it felt more consuming, like a shadow that kept growing and wrapping itself around you. As you stood there however, a voice seemed to trickle into your ears and a phantom tracing over your skin.

Why would you be thinking of those days right now? That made less sense then how you felt. Or why they would even be connected, until multiple faces blended into one. Alex had never done anything like that to you, or even shown hints that he may. And yet, the way he cornered you? You found yourself blending the two enough. He talked like them and realistically, looked like them in a way.

That claustrophobia as he stood at the only door trying to what? Yell at you about Joel? What did any of this have to do with each other and why couldn’t you stop thinking about it?

Vaugley you heard some rumblings outside, but it didn’t grab your attention the way it did a few of the others until turning to pass something off to another. Only to find a few of them huddled together in gossip, and their eyes already turned your way with intent.

Head tilting to the side as your brows furrowed in confusion, one of the women gestured to the front of the building. “I think your boy might be having a bit of a row.” Your face scrunched in even more confusion, as she continued. “Tall, dark hair, bit of an attitude?”

Being completely honest with yourself, that did very little to narrow it down. A few guys you knew in this place fit that description. Regardless, you turned to put everything down and headed to the front door.

The cold air as you opened the door shivered against your skin, hands already stiffening from the onslaught. Whatever had happened out here, clearly had died down but the remains were still lingering.

Joel stood a fair few feet away from Alex, his face twisted in residual anger, his dark eyes clearly fired up even from there. Alex himself was far more worked up, turning to try and instigate something once more only to be pulled back. Eventually shaking off the hand on his arm and started to walk away with steam still coming out of his ears.

He didn’t notice you but Joel did. The twisted emotion turning to something a shift more tender as he looked over to you before Maria talked him out of something. She begun walking to you as you and Joel both watched each other, your confusion much stronger then what blend of things he was currently feeling.

Stopping at the bottom of the steps, one of her gloved hands held onto the banister as she nodded inside. “Go grab your coat.” Just pointing to make her instructions more clear as you raised an eyebrow at her. Leave it to Maria to be as purposely vague as possible.

By the time you came back out, Joel was gone. A skip in your heart as your head turned one way then the other to him not being in sight and the onlookers had dissipated. The tension and apprehension in your posture was painfully clear as you stepped down still watching the now empty spot where Joel had been. “What uh-” Looking back she raised her eyebrows as if she knew what you wanted to ask. A kind of expecting expression that likely put many people on guard. “Where exactly are we going?”

Whatever her analysis was, it left her satisfied for now. “My house. Figured you’d like a meal in some peace and quiet.” You weren’t that stupid to think lunch was all she had in mind, but both of you knew there was little chance you’d want to talk out in the open about whatever she had in mind.

If living in Joel’s house felt weird, it was even weirder to be sat at Maria’s kitchen table as she insisted you just ‘relax for once’ a she did the work. Your hands now had nothing to do, and the uncomfortable energy you had still amused the woman.

By the time she put a plate in front of you, you had lost any courage you tried to build up to just speak up and ask her what happened out there. Any phrasing in your head re written and re worked until all of it sounded like a demand for information. Besides, if anyone was able to dodge a question with her own it like nothing, it was her.

Nodding at her with a muttered, “Thank you.”

It looked good, but not enticing. Nothing really felt enticing at the moment, like your stomach was churning with a toxic storm and food wasn’t even really a choice product to add to the mix. It was frustrating, not being able to just ask a simple question. Just staring in the direction of your plate with nothing in sight but what seemed to occupy your vision many hours of the day today. “So, uh..”

Maria interrupted whatever failed thought process died on your tongue. “Did you know I didn’t like Joel when he first got here?” Your head lifting up as it scrunched in confusion again, but she just shrugged one shoulder with a small smirk. “I was already with Tommy by the time we came across them, and neither me or him had much of a first impression.”

You remembered being told that story, not so much the minute details outside of what Joel had said himself. Remaining quiet as she continued.

“I thought he was a bad influence, and I can only assume he didn’t think too differently of me. To be fair though, all I had to go on was Tommy’s word and whoever I thought he was, wasn’t the same man who arrived. Even less so the second time.” Your eyes flickering over to a wall instead. Not quite sure exactly to what extend did she know certain details.

Shrugging, you took a sip of water instead of at all bothering to pretend you could stomach food right now. “You seem fine now.”

Maria smiled more softly. “We got to know each other. It’s not like how you get along with Tommy. I think me and Joel are a little too different to be super buddy buddy, but first impressions are almost never actually the right ones. You remember what I told you that first day you got here?”

Biting the inside of your cheek you stretched your memory, trying to see beyond the feeling of being an alien in a strange new world to more specific details. “Something about just getting used to him?”

Close enough. “I said he’s pretty rough around the edges at first if you don’t know him very well. He can be off putting and I don’t think I’m breaking new ground by saying Joel can be hard to get to know.” If you gave her any credit, that did in fact almost crack a smile. “What I’m getting at, is if you don’t know him, then it’s easy to paint him as a bad person.”

Eyes narrowing in caution you couldn’t connect the dots of her real intentions. “And someone like Alex, doesn’t know the first thing about the man outside of he’s in a relationship with you.” An anxious tingling in your fingers crept upwards. “He doesn’t like that you’re with him, and he’s immature enough to try and say whatever he can to change your mind.”

Nails tapped at the wooden surface, your jaw clenching. “Why would want to break me and him up, just because he doesn’t like Joel?”

Your sincerity caused Maria to pause. The last time you caught her off guard was when she had realized you had feelings for the man himself. But it possibly didn’t occur to her, that it wasn’t his feelings alone you couldn’t figure out. No wonder he had to spell it out for you, you didn’t even seem to realize if someone liked you at all.

Maria’s face however said your answer. The creeping jitters stemmed up into your veins and unsettled every part of your body it swam through. Stammering for a moment, head shaking you tried to laugh it off. “That doesn’t, why would he-”

Leaning forward, Maria’s voice grew louder but not in a yell. Clear dictation like she knew to cut through the uncomfortable denial. “Because sometimes men are fucking stupid. And even stupider when it comes to liking a woman. Alex likes you, you’re with Joel so it pisses him off. Joel confronts him and it starts a fight because god forbid two hot heads like them manage to talk anything out.”

That made you pause. You didn’t say anything about yesterday to Joel, or at least that you could remember. Why would he start something not the other way around. “I thought-”

Relenting she gave some benefit of the doubt, “Joel approached him first pretty pissed off, but Alex made everything worse by punching him. I already stepped in at that point.” You didn’t mean to tune her out, but words became somewhat muffled. Joel didn’t just start fights, you had to give him a good reason to set that part of him off.

Your name being called, your eyes snapped back to her, but your mouth worked faster then hers this time. “What are you getting at, Maria?” Blinking back, she seemed surprised at the bite in tone, or perhaps the stark intensity in your eyes.

Her face looking around mindlessly for a few moments, it almost felt like even she wasn’t quite sure what she wanted to say. Analytical gaze gave way to a softer one, almost with a tinge of motherly behind it. Which only made you feel more on edge. “I just- I feel like there’s things about you I’ve seen in other people before. Something you’re not sharing.”

Did she know? Did Maria pull back the curtain and see the visions floating behind your eyes and memories that disappeared when you woke up? It was hard to tell if your silence that followed strengthened or weakened her hypothesis by the way she was looking at you.

Exhaling loudly, she broached that wonder. “Did Alex ever do anything,” a shaking in your limbs took over at the same instance it felt like your lungs refused to work. “Or make you do anything, with him?”

You couldn’t figure out what it was you felt, but it wasn’t wanting to stay here. Voice tight and restrained you looked her right in the eye. “No.”

In an instant you pushed yourself out of the chair so quickly it was surprising it didn’t fall over. A reaction Maria clearly didn’t expect, calling your name as she followed you. Managing to yank into your grasp but your upper arm was grabbed before you reached out to the front door.

Like freezing ice poured onto that spot, you whipped around. Arm jerking back in a flinch, the anger now mixed with something that not only made it hard to breathe, but also felt like it was making your heart start and stop simultaneously. Apologetic, she retracted her hand but kept it out as if to placate you from running again. Your name muttered out of her mouth, but you leaned away from her. “Maria, I said he didn’t do anything.”

“But someone did.” The shaking in your body was too strong to not be visible now. None of what she seemed to know had anything to do with your life here, with these people. So her dragging something up that you weren’t even aware she figured out? You felt like she had just exposed you, tearing off your covering and leaving it to be seen by anyone. Even if it was just the two of you here.

Vile crept up in your throat, leaving you sick, nauseous but like the inevitable wasn’t gross just unfairly painful. If you breathed, it would shake and it could all tumble out. Maria’s hand touched your arm but this time, her grasp gentle. A comfort you no doubt might have appreciated if you didn’t feel as if your chest was compressing in on you. “I’m not trying to force you into talking about any of it. But something tells me that you’ve never talked about it with anybody.”

Fingers twitching, digging into your jacket and almost letting it slip with each flex. Trying to exhale through your nose, shoulders deflated a bit. Enough to hopefully let her finish whatever she was trying to get at. “And I think you should. If not with me, then Joel.”

Swallowing hard, you got enough out almost on the verge of cracking. “Why?”

Once again she seeked something out in your expression, and whatever she found you didn’t know. “Because keeping it a secret isn’t going to make you feel any better. And the last person Joel wants to hear it from is me.”

In retrospect, you couldn’t tell if that was a threat. You didn’t even know what you were feeling, but she did and somehow understands the bigger picture. Would she really just tell Joel what she suspected if you don’t? You figured they didn’t matter.

Joel was fine enough with that first night, you didn’t lash out or cry afterall and by the time it was all over you saw no point in bringing it up. He was satisfied it seemed, and you were too. Why should he be weighed down with things that shouldn’t concern him?

You hardly could stand looking at her anymore, standing in her house or being inside at all. Turning finally she let you walk out, and said nothing as you slammed the door behind you. Feet taking you only a few feet into the snowy street before stopping to put your jacket on.

You get into one stupid disagreement with a friend and look at all the trouble it caused. Alex wouldn’t have talked to you that way, made you feel that way if he liked you and he sure as hell wasn’t anything like before.

He was an idiot, before was just a fleeting memory that shouldn’t reflect on anyone except you. None of this had to do with each other, none of it had to do with Joel. Love wasn’t supposed to be complicated and messy. All bringing this up did was make it so, and you didn’t see why other people needed to feel the burden of your issues.

Glancing over at the people milling about, the overwhelmingly normal life many carved out for themselves here. Wasn’t the point to leave your past behind? Maria was wrong you decided. The past had nothing to do with now, Joel, or anyone and it was stupid to pretend like it mattered.

Cold air dug into your skin, biting wind that should have stung more then you felt. You opening your mouth at all caused a fight. You’d apologize to Joel for it, and leave everything else behind. Your problems were your problems, Joel wouldn’t care as long as you don’t burden him with it.

First though, you needed to be alone for a little while. Away from people, and push back all of the confusion swelling your skull for as long as you could stand it. You’ll fix everything when you’ve shaken off the unsettled ill in your stomach that Maria shouldn’t have put there in the first place.

You hadn’t really noticed how dark it became until a voice called it out. “You know there are things called lights inside, right?” You had found yourself perched on a bench with scraps of paper, sketching mostly alone in a secluded area off the main street. Head whipping up, your skin crawled in on itself at Alex’s approaching figure. Instantly your face fell to annoyance, getting up walk away only to be interrupted by him, “Woah, woah, wait a minute I just wanna say something.”

Keeping far more distance between you then was necessary, you still granted him the time. Head turned to the sight of the street empty, and flickered only your eyes back to him.

It was further annoying that he seemed surprised you stayed, taking more then a quick moment to collect himself and looking much more smug then the bashful guilt he approached. “I wasn’t trying to upset you, okay? You’re my friend, I was just looking out for you.” Head inching more to face him, but your glare grew. “We barley see you anymore, I think I have the right to be worried. Whatever this thing between you and Miller is starts up, and suddenly you’re too busy for us and you disappear for days at a time. What was I supposed to think?”

Arms crossed in front of your chest, you were thankful he stayed far from you. Unable to spot your nails digging into your palms harshly, “That what me and him are doing shouldn’t be any of your business. Or that you’re not as smart as you think you are if you don’t know two private people want to spend time with each other in private.”

His face twisted in incredulity. “You just expect me to believe that the second I brought him up yesterday, you looking scared was just some weird coincidence?”

Voice raising, you tried to keep your own level. Empty streets doesn’t mean the air around you isn’t listening. “No, Alex what scared me is you.” His eyebrow raised in confusion and more upset just settled in your stomach, but without the anger to mask it. “You cornered me, blocked the door and told me I shouldn’t be alone in a room with you.”

You felt rather small by this point. His rolling eyes making you feel like a whining child who didn’t know what you were talking about. “What now it’s my fault? You know that asshole punched me in the face right?”

Pointing to what looked like a black eye, it barley even stood out. Joel clearly didn’t give him anywhere near what he could have. “So he hit you first?”

Alex said nothing, and that was that. Trying to say your name, you started walking a wide path around him, arms curling in more on yourself when he tried calling you stay. Not looking directly you stopped just long enough to glance to the side, his figure barley visible. “I-,” You exhaled shakily, fumbling with your words that would sound much braver from anyone other then yourself. “I think we should go our separate ways. You’re supposed to be my friend but not if this is what it’s going to be like.”

Not close enough to hear what he said, but not yet too far to not detect the petulant complaint in his voice. Liking you isn’t a reason to get in between the only life you’ve wanted to find with another person. Alex was just a jerk, but then again, so was someone similar.

It annoyed you, coming to the conclusion that Maria was right. Something else did happen, and as you walked slowly through the street, lights above illuminating the slowly accumulating snow fall, you started to understand that he just reminded you of that something.

His looks, the way he talked to you, all so similar to before, and so completely unlike what Joel was like to you. It still felt messy in your head. Just strands of thoughts, and half conclusions that you hadn’t yet organized into something coherent. To you it didn’t add up yet, and possibly saying all of it out loud might connect those dots.

But you didn’t want to tell just anyone for your own sake. Reaching the house, you glanced up seeing light in Ellie’s room and what probably was Joel’s room as well. You still didn’t want to unload these scattered thoughts onto him, but if you had too, you only wanted it to be Joel. Alex was right about one thing for the wrong reason.

You were scared of telling Joel the truth, but not because your fear was of him, but because to you none of it should matter. You had him, you worked and you didn’t want to ruin that but not saying anything couldn’t be making Joel feel any better not knowing at this point.

The house was quiet, each step of your feet against the wood echoed uncomfortably. Ellie’s door was partially open, distracted by whatever it was she had been reading you peeked in and passed by undetected. You figured there was a little too much stirring in your mind for her at that moment. Joel’s door was also partially open, only this time you couldn’t just peak in and dash out.

Joel sat at the edge of the bed, elbows resting on his knees as brown eyes followed you both softly yet lost in their own thoughts. A faint yet new mark struck across his cheek, prompting you forward. Hand reaching up to look at him closely, Joel caught it before and kept them hovered between you before pulling to get you sitting beside him.

Worry swam through your veins as you looked him over for anything else but he clearly had gotten the better hit in. If Maria knew you pretty well, Joel knew you a thousand miles better. Already ahead of your mind, he half shrugged. “You mentioned what happened last night. I think you were half asleep, but it was enough get the picture.”

He let your hand rise up, thumb trail over the red mark with a feather light tenderness as your brows narrowed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get you involved like this.”

An answer Joel did not aspire too. “I know you didn’t. Which is why I went to talk to him in the first place.” Biting the inside of your cheek, you hesitated in thought. “I’m not going to force you to tell me things, but that doesn’t mean I’m suddenly going to not care if your upset over it.”

From the scratching of his facial hair, your hand dropped down into your lap your head with it. “I-, it wasn’t that that upset me. I mean it was, but like, it wasn’t really about him.”

Joel’s eyes narrowed in thought, but let you take your time getting out what needed to be said. “If none of this makes any sense just stop me, because honestly I don’t even know if I understand myself here.”

The problem arose though, you didn’t really know what you wanted to say. The air between you both quiet and awkward, the longer it went on the longer sitting so close to Joel felt too close. Pushing up from the bed you mindlessly paced towards the drawer. Turned so your back was against the wood with your palms braced against them.

Joel said nothing. Knowing all too well how difficult it was to open up about certain things and how trying to talk you into feeling calm about it might only clam you up more. Your nails tapped rhythmically as you stared at Joel’s feet. Eyes sharp and face barley moving, it seemed to stupid to not know how to even say it.

“What uh, what he said did bother me. I mean he doesn’t know anything about us but it just took me off guard that he just started making shit up about you. So yeah, I was upset but I think it was more of...he started to just remind me of someone I travelled with for a while.” It was vague and there was no hope Joel would just leave it there.

Your palm moved against your forehead, the pressure failing to push away the anxiety inside of it. “Fuck. I didn’t-” Your heart pounded so hard you felt like it would burst from your chest in a gruesome horror, lungs lightening and the longer you waited even eyes shut the room felt like it was spinning.

Eyes glossy when you looked back up, and you hated the image in front of you. Joel’s arms braced on the bed ready to jump up, his own eyes so bright and big that flashed in a heart twisting softness that broke your heart as much. Leaving in the dark was worse, apparently.

So you spit it out, but not exactly in the way you meant it to sound. “I never did anything before. The night we slept together.” The room stopped spinning but now felt like the walls threatened to close in on you. Realization washing over his eyes, lips parted as he looked, well you weren’t sure. Upset?

“Or, I guess- fuck I don’t know. I mean it may have well been, all the stuff before wasn't anything like what happened with you, so, I mean it felt new.” Your arms crossed once more, but there was a stinging in your eyes that you hated.

Joel’s brow furrowed while he harshly fisted the sheets blow enough you could see the strain on his knuckles. His head turned away and that softness disappeared. It appeared to be taking a lot of will power to keep himself rooted in place. Through a clenched jaw he finally glanced back over. “What do you mean before? What happened?”

His tone wasn’t angry, it was distant and restrained but not something worse towards you. It left you feeling a little weird how much that alone relieved you. You looked up, trying to prevent any tears from slipping down but it felt futile.

The room either was too small or you became too big, and you found yourself crouching near the ground, hands on top of your head that hid your face from him. Back heaving from the deep breaths, your head snapped back up to Joel who now was nearer then ever to coming over to you. But he remained as you remained.

Pushing past the pounding of your heart, “Maria basically told me the reason Alex was acting the way he did, was because he was jealous. He likes me and I didn’t realize it and I guess it pissed him off, but I had no idea. The only person I’ve ever felt anything for like this, is you.” Your arms had crossed over your knees as you sat your chin into it. “I never knew how crushes and whatnot were supposed to work because I only know what it’s like with you. You were new for me. New for all of it.”

If only you could hear the pounding of Joel’s heart. His voice but a whisper, “You had never done anything before that night?” The bordering emotional apprehension in your eyes said more than Joel knew you could say at that second. Your name rolling off his tongue in a disbelief, “Everything you let me do, and you didn’t think I should know?”

You watched him get up, slowly make his way towards you as the shaking came back. Like your neck was dunked in freezing water but without the searing cold. “I thought you were satisfied enough that maybe you wouldn’t care.”

Joel was taken back, freezing in place as he once again treaded on an anger that he didn’t want you to think was at you. “What? No Jesus, this isn’t about me.” Nowhere to hide, Joel knelt down in front of you. Blazing brown eyes searching deep into your pain.

Without meaning to, your own voice raised but the choked emotions in your throat made it sound cracked. “Obviously it is because you’re angry at me.”

His voice wasn’t loud, but it certainly had more complicated feelings muffling it’s intent. “I’m angry because it was your first time, and you let me be that rough with you.”

Finally, you did yell. The words, the vitriol, the tears still burning your eyes, it all slapped him right in the face. “I didn’t think it mattered, Joel. I liked it, you thought it was okay, I didn’t think you would have cared. Because the guy before you sure as fuck didn’t.”

It was a miracle to Joel that he didn’t black out on the spot. Just watching you with heartbreak as you flew up from your place and paced around the room a hand once again pressed to your forehead. Voice this time, much more defeated. “I never told you because I didn’t even know where to start, and then it eventually didn’t feel like it mattered. What we had worked, and I figured it shouldn’t matter but apparently it does to me.”

You didn’t know when Joel approached, but you suddenly felt his figure tall over you and his warmth radiate your body. His hand hovered around but didn’t yet touch. “The only other time another person whose ever been around me the way you do was back then. But I didn’t know what the fuck was really going on, and I don’t even remember all of it but it happened and the way Alex was acting reminded me of it, and kept trying to say shit about you. Even though you’re the only one whose never made me feel fucking terrified about this shit, and I don’t know. I couldn’t tell anymore if lying to you or telling the truth would be worse.”

A sob almost flew from your mouth as Joel pulled your back into his chest. His nose nudging at the side of your head while he smoothed his hand over your front and hip. Waiting for you to let go some of that intensity in your stance. “I want you to listen to me. Okay?” His hand pulled your hip into his more at your nod. “You were more then okay that night. It was perfect because it was with you. I enjoyed myself because you enjoyed yourself. And I sure as hell wasn’t going to judge you for what some fucking-”

You could feel the hiss in his voice as he pulled himself back. His grip bruising on your body, but not in a way that flashed worse memories into your present. “No one deserves that, including you. So stop worrying I’m going to get angry for something you were forced into.”

Turning you in his arms to face him, his face was sharp but also embedded with desire far beyond the physical. Your hands lightly sat on his waist as one of his own cupped the side of your face. The hold this man had on you was ludicrous. The calm he graced you with never stopped being a shock. “There’s something else I want to admit.”

“Okay,” Joel’s voice was rough, his heart bracing for whatever else he couldn’t possibly predict.

Both of your thumbs slipped under his shirt and traced the bare skin you found, a shiver stemming from your fingertips up into your heart and spread warmth into Joel’s own. “I sort of braced myself for an argument, so I have no idea where the conversation is supposed to go from here.”

Huffing out a breath of laughter, Joel tilted your face up to his. Leaning down he sat above your lips and bumped his nose gently into yours. “You don’t have to say anything.” He tested his lips, a small press against yours, leaving you lightheaded and without noticing, chasing his barley pulled back kiss. “I’ve got you. No matter what.”

Your face in his neck, and Joel’s your hair, the safety of each others arms served as your breathe of life for quite a while. Words were neither of your forte’s, but this? This was.

By the time something substantial came to Joel’s mind, his hands had been running under your shirt over your hips and back. Pressing his lips to your ear he did however hissed your name, “Who was he-”

Smirking in his neck, a wave of need danced in between your legs at this deep roughness of such a tone. “I didn’t tell you just to make you do something about it, Joel.”

His knuckles stroked down your cheek, both that softness and a need that only felt safe with him grew that feeling inside you. “Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t do it anyways.” Both of your grins and breathy laughs finally broke the painful, thick air consuming you. Nudging your nose once, twice, Joel kissed you properly.

His lips needy, but not too harsh and pouring as much of his soul into it as he was gifted. One of your hands exploring his bare chest. Palm flat and finding the softest parts and sighing into his mouth at how he felt. The other slid up behind his neck before scratching into his scalp, fingers entwined with the luscious, thick hair.

The pleasure sparked in his veins caused Joel to pull back, both of his hands moving to keep you at a distance by your upper arms. “We don’t need to do this right now, not after everything.”

You contemplated it, you really did. Something distant but sensible telling you to stand back and take the physical slow with healing emotions. However, you and Joel had already gone past that point. A confession that burned through your facade long past it’s prime. He already knew the worst parts of you now, and didn’t turn away at the ones past.

Hands now fidgeting in your lap, it was difficult once more to find words that made the right amount of sense. Your body wanted to say yes, but the protective way Joel looked at you confused your clarity. A few open and closes of your mouth before giving up in a chuckle, “I’m trying to say it’s fine, but I have no idea how to make it sound reassuring.”

Smoothing down your arms leaving goosebumps in his wake, you watched his jaw twitch in his own contemplation. Skipping your hands, you jumped slightly as he now trailed your hips and down to the tops of your thighs. Debating if his own desire would win out resolve. Fingers playing with the top of your pants waistline and a boyish glint in his eye and a smirk he failed to hold back. “Lay back for me.”

A wave of nerves rushed through you but leaving nothing but anticipation in place. Trying to lean down and take your shoes off first, Joel elected to just shove you up onto the bed with a huff. Kneeling back away from you to pull them off himself.

Large frame partially crawling up onto the bed so his face was level with your waist. Pushing up onto your elbows, you watched as he only slightly pushed the edge of your shirt up. Just enough to find a place for his mouth. Light presses of his lips, barley even a kiss but covered all he could see.

Brown eyes peeked up at you, eyebrows raised at your stare. Lips parted with muted stammering breaths and eyes wide dripping with far too much for you to associate one word with. His fingers tugged at your pants breathing more heavily himself. “Give me a hand here, sweetheart.”

Confusion rolled across your features until he gave another slight tug. Nodding as your eyes fluttered, heart racing, “Fuck- right, sorry.” Your arms moving to grasp the top of your head as it fell back into the pillow. Hips raising enough so Joel could strip your bottom half bare.

Tossing them behind you, Joel narrowed his eyes while a smirk played at his face. Crawling back up to hover over your face this time. “How many times are we going to have this lesson exactly?” The seriousness in his voice for whatever reason, slipped a giggle from your mouth. Joel trying to keep his face toned down, but his eyes didn’t match the sternness he wanted them to. “Alright, just remember this is all your doing.”

Moving down back to put his face level with your now bare half, you unthinkingly tried to placate the fake disappointment. “Wait,” Your tone sung out light and breathy. “I’m sorry-”

One of his hands slammed down flat onto the sheets beside you as he looked up with a look of incredulity that bordered on laughter. Breaking the mask immediately his voice dropping to such a flat tone as he just said your name.

Leaning up once more you did it all over again, “I know, I know I’m s-” Flying your hands to your face and collapsing back to the pillows as you tried to hide the now much louder laughter. The sound blending with the deep ones that vibrated against the bed from Joel.

Moving to splay your hands up around your head, you shook your head mostly at yourself as Joel did but also towards you. He himself moved to straddle your thighs, pulling his shirt off as he did so. “Jesus, you’re a mess.” Behind the faint light, the stature he loomed over you with you could see the dimple in his left cheek as he still smiled at you.

It was the lightest your heart felt in days, looking up at Joel this way. Smile and laughter on his face as he undressed himself with no bravado or show. Just wanting to feel your skin on his. “Getting tired of me already, Miller?”

Getting as far as his belt unbuckled and zipper pulled down, Joel situated himself properly. Taking your thighs into his hands and moving them. One wide, foot almost off the bed and the other draped gently over his shoulder. Mouth pressing more small kisses to your mound before resting his forehead in that very spot, his brown curls splayed over your skin.

Your limbs tensed as you felt heavy breathing between your legs, thinking he was trying to even out his breath. Muffled your chest pushed forward in need as he mumbled against you so close his nose was right near your clit. “Asking the impossible, sweet girl.”

Taking your response right out of your mouth by gracing you with his. Starting with good intentions, Joel’s gentle brushes of his tongue against your clit fell through at your high pitched gasp. Handfuls of your thighs now being left marks with his grip, Joel quickly moved downwards. Soaking you more with his saliva then you gave him to start with.

Tongue licking right back up to your clit and down again, each iteration of his path proving more aggressive then the other. More needy. One of his hands reached up to grip your waist and the other attached to your hip. His strength enough to pull you up to his mouth higher above the sheets as his tongue and lips send waves of pleasure through your core and up into your heart.

Back arching as his tongue slipped over the sensitive spot inside of you like he so greedily loved to exploit. The more intense he could make your orgasm, the more excuses he had to stay between your thighs. Licking and tasting you for hours.

Joel could lose himself, his cock in your mouth, but the taste of you on his, did far more. Hand on your thigh moved roughly across your skin to cup what of your pussy his mouth wasn’t touching. Rubbing his thumb harshly over your clit and groaning at how much more wet it made you. His dark eyes spying on how your hands scrunched in your hair as you tried to grind you hips to not lose his touch.

His name mumbling off your lips, Joel licked from your clit to as deep into your pussy he could get before pulling away. His facial hair a slight more wet then you saw him before. Sitting up as well as he could from his front splayed out on the bed, his call of your name was much more commanding then your mindless beg.

Two thick fingers slid into your pussy as Joel’s eyes shut and jaw clenched at how smoothly he could sink into you, yet how tight you felt around them already. Head dropped even though yours raised to his. He watched how slick you made his fingers, breathing harshly through his nose Joel was unable to stop himself from sliding in a third finger.

The gasping, “God- oh please.” It almost hurt to try so hard to focus on Joel. Your insides burned and twisted so much it threatened to reach your eyes. His nostrils flared as he looked over you pumping fingers with as much vigor as his mouth had.

Joel hovered his palm over your body, up to the ceiling as he stroked his thumb over you. “Come here.”

It genuinely took you a moment to realize he wanted your hand, but when you returned the gesture Joel kept it soft. Pulling it up to his mouth. The scratching of his slightly wet facial hair against the warm kiss he pressed to the back of your hand. The movement forcing you to sit up enough that his fingers slid deep without him having to thrust them back himself.

Joel rested it over his shoulder, and cupped the side of your neck, mumbling your name. “Do you feel good, sweetheart?”

It wasn’t mocking, teasing, no patronizing joy. He looked so serious for how out of breathe and falling apart he was making you underneath him. You nodded, but he narrowed his eyes. Bumping the bottom of your chin up with a knuckle, you leaned up more to his mouth. “Yes, yes. You- fuck. You always make me feel so good,”

Something that looked more animalistic snarled against his face, leaning his lips to brush over yours as he spoke. “This is how you deserve to feel, understand? No less.” Unable to stop his lack of self control, Joel roughly kissed you. His tongue making you taste yourself as he licked into your mouth before pulling back. Your mouths both wet and his kiss sloppy. “I’ve got you, and I always will.”

Nodding, your core tensed up as his three fingers mixed with the harsh pressure on your clit started to hiccup your breathe. “I- I...” The closer he brought you to orgasm the harder it was to speak, but Joel understood you. He always does.

Nodding he tucked your face into his neck for a moment. “I know, sweetheart. Me too. Now you’re going to cum for me.” Letting you fall back onto the sheets, Joel moved so quickly that he yanked your hips up to his mouth after shuffling back. “Let me have a taste, okay?”

His mouth licking into your pussy deep and soaked even more, you nodded as tears slowly made their way down the corner of your eyes. “Anything you want, anything,”

You think he might have mumbled something as he tasted you but it wasn’t loud enough over the wet sounds his mouth made on you. His hands bruising tight as he held you, your body arching and tensing as the white hot coiling pleasure found its breaking point.

Joel kept your hips pinned to the bed as he took everything you had. Your orgasm snapped, name cried from his mouth as you slammed both hands over it to stay quiet but the muffle still danced in Joel’s ears. “Good girl, perfect fucking cunt.”

The noise in your body and head didn’t die down however. It trailed off into more and more winding pleasure as you gasped Joels name. The shake of his head between your legs making you moan even more. Joel’s fingers wasted no time in replacing his mouth as he leaned up.

Kiss once again just as sloppy and soaked as your pussy was. He painted the inside of your mouth with your taste on his tongue. Barley able to make himself pull back, he cupped the back of your head to keep you looking into his eyes.

“I told you, I got you. Just lay back for me, that’s all I want you to do.” He left you with one last kiss to your lips before settling down between you once more.

Hardly realizing that barley a few minutes into getting his mouth on you again had Joel’s hips grinding into the sheets until soaking his jeans. You watched as he sat up aggressively, almost frustrated at the interruption, tearing them off and leaving him completely naked. Cock wet with his own precum and still half hard before moving back.

Joel didn’t take you that way, as far as you knew. His tongue inside you and muffled words coaxing you to relax into sleep. Deep in your dreams a pleasure your unconscious mind didn't quite grapple continued to stay with you.

You weren’t sure if Joel fucked you, or just the bed so much that it kept your thighs and the sheets sticky even as you both woke up in the others arms in the early hours of the morning. Though Joel was quite serious about not having sex with you while asleep when you asked, though something about the shy flash in your eye and interestingly nervous fidget had his cock stir way too early.

Kissing his way up your neck to your ear, “Just can’t stop being so filthy can you?” There was neither a firm yes or no that morning, but it didn’t stop both of you from thinking about it the rest of the day.

You and Joel looked nothing like the calm harmony that his brother had, but it worked. He let you in a long time prior, and you kept discovering that he would accept your pasts without fuss.

To your amusement however, on his snarkier days, Joel did indeed make you playfully feel stupid for thinking he’d ever see you otherwise.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x you #joel miller/reader #joel miller/you #joel miller/female reader #joel miller imagine #joel miller fanfiction #the last of us imagine #the last of us fanfiction

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cornerstoreclown · 1 year

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Unlikely Guardian

Summary: This is a short one-shot (4114 words approx.) where the reader (Gender Neutral) is being followed on their way home by someone other than their familiar companion, Art. It doesn’t end well for the people who tried to harm the Reader. Where is the safest place to be from danger, than in the arms of danger itself?

Warnings: Sexual harassment (Catcalling w/ gender neutral terms), attempted murder, gun violence, murder, stalking, depictions of violence, blood.

Author’s notes: I don’t really have much to add here, other than that thanks for the support from the community so far! You all have been very kind.

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“Fuck, it’s cold.” You mumble to no one but, well, yourself.

You should have brought gloves when you walked around the city today. The air is cold, dry, and bitter and nipping at your exposed fingers. It wasn’t that bad on your way to the local pharmacy when the sun was still up, but over the course of time it took for you to get there, wait in a long ass line, pay for your medicine and finally leave, it’s gotten worse. Then, to top it off, you were hungry after that trek and walked an additional distance to get something to eat, because in no way you felt like cooking tonight. Now you were carrying not only your medicine, but leftovers to take home. At least the food smells good from the plastic bag you’re carrying it in. Your medicine is tucked in your backpack you have over your shoulders.

This was the sucky part about November—the clocks jumped back an hour last week, and now it’s dark before it’s even five pm. Halloween came to an end not too long ago and some people still have yet to take down their creepy decorations, you notice as you walk down various streets on your way back. You didn’t mind it, though. Halloween was one of your favorite holidays, and the macabre never bothered you. It was an escape and maybe a coping mechanism for the terror that was actual reality, or maybe you just really liked this type of stuff.

It’s dark out, the sun has long since set hours ago. The sounds of leaves crunching under your feet as the wind blows them in your path accompanies you amid the peaceful quiet of this often empty part of the city. Walking alone at night was often considered something dangerous for many, yourself included, but you needed your medicine, and you really didn’t want to be without it. It was easier to walk around during the month of October at night, and it was perhaps the only time you actually took your time when coming home from any late night escapade. The reasons for your late returns home varied, whether it be because you went out to eat by yourself, went to the movies, or just a general night time walk around to appreciate the spooky decorations.

Those leisurely carefree strolls were all because you had Death’s eyes on you at all times.

Art.

Art was your friend you made a few years back during one Halloween, who, after countless encounters and even a sleepover —if you could call it that—he had at your place last fall, eventually came to be… A sort of unofficial partner, you suppose, because you’re not really sure what you two are. He had a tendency to emerge during the tail end of September and lingered all throughout October before going rampant on the 31st like he was ticking on some sort of internal clock. Maybe he’s an evil Halloween spirit. Or a demon. Devil? You don’t really know. Point being, you had your own attack dog, or attack clown, in this case, who clearly harbored some sort of care for you, though to what extent you still don’t know. You try not to think too hard every time November comes around, lest you start to feel lonely again and let the pangs of yearning for his company become so strong that you’ll feel sick.

He killed people. You knew that. But he was nice to you… even though sometimes you did question if one day he’d turn on you and you’d end up on the back of a milk carton. Sometimes being around him felt like being around a wild animal, because he was about as unpredictable as one. You supposed you could sympathize with people whose life work was taking care of exotic dangerous animals—it was the creatures' beauty and the appreciation for what those predators were that kept those people around. In your own way, you could say you thought the same about The Miles County Clown.

You even remember one night last October you were walking home in the dark, and he had been stalking you up until the moment you left your apartment, waiting for the moment to effectively scare the shit out of you, hammer out and positioned to show he was ready to attack. He was fully successful in that mission, and initially it made you angry as he stood there pointing and laughing after your soul just felt like it left your body. You remember calling him an absolute asshole and playfully giving him a light shove to his shoulder while he was still in hysterics at having made you jump and yelp. You didn’t laugh, but you did smile at him. You told him next time you’ll have to jumpscare him and threaten him with a hammer. The expression he gave you was a surprised face that melted into a mischievous smile which told you that he, for sure, would like to see you try. Challenge accepted.

You smile a little to yourself as you reminisce on the good times you had with him while walking, but your attention flickers when you hear the sound of what you thought was something like a glass breaking behind you.

You stop in your tracks, turning your head, smile disappearing, eyes scanning the surroundings trying to find the source of the noise. All you see is a bunch of brick buildings, but no sign of anyone. You did see a rat run across the street from the sidewalk that you’re on, though. You feel yourself deflate a bit and relax, watching the critter until it is no longer visible. At that, you turn on your heel and continue walking.

“Hey, hot stuff!”

Someone was calling out. You didn’t think much of it, or, you chose not to think much of it. You heard it loud and clear off in the distance behind you. They must not be talking to you, no one really talks to you. You keep your stride.

“Where ya goin’?!”

You grip your plastic bag full of food tighter by the handles, a little more speed to your walk.

“I said HEY! HOT STUFF! WHERE YA GOIN’?”

The voice is somewhat deep, and that’s already a bit of a reason for your blood to be pumping quicker. You feel ice run through your veins as you start to have a run to your walk, and then a full blown sprint. You just wanted to be left alone, and you were too anxious to look back over your shoulder for fear of what you might see. Just a few more blocks and you’d be fine! You’d be able to get to your building, run up the stairs to your floor, lock the door, and hopefully, that would be that! You’d keep your phone close at hand if you needed to call anyone! You’d never travel down these streets again, maybe not until next October, you tell yourself! It’s fine, you try to lie to yourself, it’s fine it’s fine it’s fine it’s fine it’s fine—

“Fine, have it your way, then!”

Words haven’t ever struck fear into your heart in such a way as they have now. It prompts you to look over your shoulder to finally see a man, rather nondescript and unremarkable. Clearly by his body language and the way that he’s slowly walking towards you versus running, something is terribly off. Where did he even COME from?!

“Why in such a hurry, sexy?”

You skid to an immediate halt as a new voice comes not from behind you, but in front of you. You look ahead to the source of the sound, seeing out from the alleyway in front of you, two more men step forward, cutting you off from going any further. Fear has a tight grip on you, and you’re briefly paralyzed. With a delayed start, you reach for your phone in your pocket too little too late, your fingers frantically trying to dial 9-1-1, but you’re cut off just at the second you’re about to press the phone symbol as one of the men before you snatches it.

“You don’t need this.” The one who seized your phone says, smirking at you before he throws your phone on the ground and smashes it beneath his foot with one, two, three very hard stomps. You’re mortified and horrified, taking a few steps back as your flight response kicks in, self preservation urging for you to run. You go to run back the way you came, but immediately bump into the first man you saw that was calling out to you. He’s taller than the other two behind you, and he’s walking forward, forcing you to back up until you’re almost caged in by all three of them. There’s still some space left, but not nearly enough to try and get out without bumping into them.

“H-Hey,” You hold your hands up by your sides as a gesture of your submission. “Listen, I-I don’t have much, but if it’s money you want, I can give you money.”

You really didn’t have a whole lot of cash on you. You were barely hanging on until your next paycheck. All you got to your name right now is maybe thirty-seven dollars? It’s not a lot, but it was something.

“I give you money, and you let me go, and I don’t tell anyone about any of this, okay?”

The two men behind you chuckle, as does the one in front of you. It only fills you with dread, and the seconds that pass feel like agonizing hours. You’re living out literally every second of your life right now, and you hate it.

“Tell?” The laugh of the man before you continues, his backup chorus over your shoulder following along with him. He’s brandishing a switchblade now, holding it to your face, and you try to lean away only for the men behind you hold you in place by your shoulders. You shut your eyes tight and wince.

“You’ll be lucky if you’ll be even able to talk again once I carve up that face of—”

You hear a sickly wet thunk! in front of you.

“What the—?” One of the men behind you says.

“Oh, fuck.” The other one behind you says, and you feel both of the men’s grasp on your shoulders vanish.

“IT’S HIM! IT’S REALLY HIM! HE DOES EXIST! RUN!”

Your eyes open at that, seeing that both men took off in two different directions. You felt one run in the direction where you came from, and one run where you were initially going before you were stopped. When you look in front of you, you see the first man who was the start of all your problems, frozen in place with pure shock, eyes wide and jaw slack. You notice he’s falling forward, and with adrenaline rushing through you, you yelp and dodge him as he falls face first onto the ground just at your feet.

There’s an ax in his back.

You look up quickly at that, shock and surprise leaving you bewildered as you recognize your savior standing before you, donning the familiar black and white.

Art?! October was over--Why was he still here? Did he come back?

That bliss is short-lived when you see he’s holding a gun pointed in your direction, until you realize it’s not at you, but over your shoulder. Art’s expression is stone cold. There’s no smile. Whenever Art wasn’t smiling, you knew that it was bad news for whoever was on the receiving end. Fortunately, it appears as if you're not on that end.

You quickly move out of the way, looking off to where he’s aiming. One of the men who ran the direction you were headed to go home hasn’t gotten very far, and you’re bracing yourself for the loud noise, covering your ears with your hands.

The blast from the gun is loud, and you still flinch when he fires it. You didn’t get to see the exact moment because of that, but you see blood spurting from the back of the fleeing man's skull seconds before he crumples dead to the ground. Art was great with his aim when he really put focus into it. You glance back at the clown, seeing him slowly lower the gun down to his side, staring off straight ahead at the limp body with no emotion.

“Art!” You exclaim, dropping your plastic bag and running right for him. Contrary to how that might be wise or sensible considering he was holding a gun and is an unpredictable murderer, it was an absolute relief to see him. He catches your intentions immediately and opens his arms slightly for you to bring it in. He's not smiling but you catch a glimpse of his teeth as they were often exposed, grinning or not. Your arms wrap around him tightly, and he’s able to effectively stand his ground without the weight of your form making him stumble back. He’s as sturdy as a pillar, and you feel his arms around you. His gun points downward at the ground from behind you. Your backpack is largely in the way, but his free hand rubs at the back of your neck in an oddly reassuring way that tickles you. You’re jittery, and you sway a bit in his arms as you both stand there in silence for those few seconds. You finally nuzzle yourself against his chest, and inhale.

Your nose wrinkles, and you pull back just enough to look up at him while still holding on. Is that sulfur you’re smelling?

“Ugh. Art, you smell terrible. Where have you been? Did you just come out of a volcano?”

He looks upwards at nothing in particular, purposefully looking rather thoughtful to indicate that he was thinking. He squints after a few seconds, then is reanimated again, giving a gentle sway of his head, followed by a shrug of his shoulders. He’s essentially telling you, ‘yeah, something like that’. You’re not going to ask about it further. The smell is god awful, but at least he’s here. You’re willing to put up with it.

“Well… Thanks for saving me. I missed you.” You tell him, but he’s not responding to your words. Instead, he’s looking at you and inspecting you, turning your head this way and that. Normally the man was all smiles and grins, but when he was angry, he was angry. He’d flip back soon, he always did.

“I’m fine, I–”

Art interrupts you with a finger in your face, telling you to stop for a second as he licks his thumb and proceeds to wipe your cheek, rather aggressively to the point where it feels like he’s trying to actually move the skin off your face. You must have gotten something on you somehow, but you don’t know when. Maybe there was some food on your face from earlier. He’s looking comedically focused.

“Yes, thank you,” You tell him.

Once he sees that you’re okay and your cheek is now clean, he gives you a gentle pat on the side of your face. You watch him through tired eyes.

“I‘m really glad to see you.”

He looks flattered, putting his hand to his chest as if to give a coy ‘me?’ gesture, brows raised and teeth showing in a smile, and you purse your lips, then show a smile of your own, giving a nod. You’re willing to forgo the fact that he smells like he literally just came from the pits of a fiery hell, and lean against him for another short while for comfort. And he lets you.

As you both stood there in the stillness of the night, it didn’t take long for it to be interrupted by the sounds of groaning beneath you. Both you and Art look down, and see the man who had the ax sticking out of his back rouse, glancing up at the both of you. You stare down at the man as the stranger’s eyes meet yours, meanwhile Art only looks down at him in mild disgust, brows furrowed, lips pulled back and teeth showing, holding a silent snarl.

“You mean to tell me…” He says, a resigned and weak laugh coming from his lips. You’re almost getting the vibe that he knows that he’s not getting out of this alive, compared to the other two that took the flight response. “That you two fucking freaks are together?”

The Miles County Clown’s reputation has only been growing over the years, much to Art’s delight. There were very few who didn’t know about him. He had a reputation to maintain, after all. So well known, yet damn near impossible to catch. He was a blight, sent from whatever depths he came from to torture mankind.

Makes you wonder what that said about you, given that he’s tolerated you and hasn’t murdered you yet.

“I should have guessed. You look like you came from the fucking circus. Your wannabe poser buddy over there can’t even kill people right like the real Miles County Clown.”

The audacity that this man and his two friends had to try and harm you, and then for him act like you’re the problem and insult your physical appearance on top of it. Now that the shock has had time to settle in and your emotions have rearranged themselves proper, you feel anger. Rage. A fury beyond what words could ever hope to paint. Your veins feel like they’re on fire, blood boiling hot. You let go of Art, who is watching you with fascination and delight as you make your way over to the stranger with clenched fists. Art’s smile is wide, and he looks about as devilish as ever.

You are experiencing righteous fury.

“You don’t get to say that to me when you’re on your deathbed, and my friend here is very much the real thing.” You tell him coldly, kneeling down to his level. You press your tongue against the inside of your cheek, assessing the man. The ax in his back was pretty deep, no doubt paralyzing him from damage to the spinal cord. Art made it a point to immobilize him so he couldn’t harm you further, you realize. “I think he was just saving you for later.” You look over your shoulder at your clown companion, who has his head held high, teeth still bared, but a sense of … joy? In how you’re standing up for yourself, and him.

“I want him quiet,” You tell Art. “Permanently.”

The man’s expression falters. You stand back up, and Art has his gun held out for you to take. He points towards the familiar black trash bag a few feet away from where you both are.

“You want me to pick the weapon?” He gives you the most enthusiastic nod, silently cackling as he does so, gently giving you a push in the proper direction. You go willingly, peeking over your shoulder to see Art kicking this man in the gut a few times. The man is wailing with each hit.

The man who got shot in the back of the head had it easy.

Making your way over to the bag, you open it up, seeing an arrangement of items. Plenty of tiny handheld improvised weapons that you’ve seen him show you before. Nails, a hammer, some standard tools that you’d find in a doctors office and others that belonged more in a construction site. After maybe half a minute of careful inspection, it’s the boxcutter knife that catches your eye.

Examining Art's gun, you carefully put the safety on and unload the magazine, place it in the bag, then finally toss the gun inside next. Once you have that settled, you reach for your torture accessory of choice.

With weapon in hand you walk back over to Art, who was still rather ardently tormenting this man, giving the most gleefully silent laughter you’ve seen from him in a while. You clear your throat and he takes a second to stop what he’s doing, hand extended out for whatever weapon you’ve decided to give him. He’s still looking down at the wheezing assailant-turned-victim, but turns his head when you place the box cutter knife into his open palm. Your fingertips brush against his during the exchange, and your eyes meet his.

Whatever you’re feeling, it’s a lot like a high.

“Will you come visit me tonight?” You ask him, a hopeful look in your eyes. He gives a lopsided smile and a shrug. There’s a glint in his eye, and you understand that he’s not done. There’s still the one who got away.

“Well, I have leftovers if you drop by. It’s ramen, but I think you’d like it. It’s wiggly like worms.” Your lips turn upwards into a fond smile. The man had the oddest affinity for insects and other invertebrates. He’s eaten a few before, too. You were trying to have him try other things than people and sweets, but you weren’t going to knock him too hard for eating invertebrates. It was protein. A win is a win.

He looks as if he’s about to react to your kind offer, but the sound of the man beneath his feet groaning disrupts your conversation. Art punishes him with another swift kick, this time in his chest. The ax has been removed and tossed to the side, presumably done when you had your back turned. You suspect Art removed it to expose the wound wider and possibly to dig further into with his bare hands or that box cutter knife. However, all of that is speculation based on what you know in regards to how he murders people. You can only guess.

“Please! Have mercy! I-I-I was just kidding earlier!” The assailant cries out. Art is gleefully showing the blade to him, fervently nodding his head, as if to say that ‘yes, this blade is going to be going in you, multiple times!’. The man’s pleas mean nothing to Art. This man is a pathetic waste of flesh, muscle, and bone, and Art knows he’s going to delight in cutting him open like a package and slicing through the skin like it’s box tape.

You swallow and look over at Art, then the pleading man. Before Art gets too into carving this man up into a masterpiece, you put your hand gently on his shoulder as he’s leaning down, preparing to cut him. The clown’s arm is raised, but he keeps it there when he feels your touch, and he turns his head to you.

“I’m heading home,” You tell him. “Stay safe, please.” You reach for your broken phone nearby, knowing you’ll have to replace it later. You’ll be more upset about your phone once all of what’s happened tonight has time to process.

He gives you a thumbs up with his other hand and then gives a friendly goodbye wave, and you return it, before turning your back to him. You refuse to look, because hearing the sounds of flesh being sliced repeatedly and the blood curdling screams is enough for you. You grab your plastic bag full of leftovers, and begin walking away.

It was only a matter of time that you’d start to hear police sirens, and you don’t want to be there for when that will happen. If someone hadn’t already called the cops, you’re sure they would eventually. The cries for help are loud, but the gunshot was louder.

You start to run, taking off as fast as you can for home until your lungs burn and you’re wheezing. You make it home safe and sound, and for a second you debate on locking the door, wondering if you should leave it unlocked for Art. Deciding to be safe and not to press your luck, you do lock it. If Art really wanted in, he’d find a way in your apartment. You never did get to ask him if he was always around all times of the year, or if this was just a one time thing and he sensed you were in trouble. You place your food on the counter, and prepare yourself for a long shower with full intentions of afterwards turning on the news, maybe to see the fate of not only the two men who bothered you, but the third one who got away.

And maybe, you tell yourself, just maybe when you get out of the bathroom you’d find a clown sitting on your couch in front of the television, stained in blood and gore with a trash bag by his side, sloppily eating leftover noodles.

#art the clown x you #art the clown x reader #art the clown #terrifier #coulrophilia #slasher x you #slasher x reader #minors DNI #long post #wrote most of this to Glow by Mr. Kitty... thank u Mr. Kitty #I've done read this over like 20 times and sat on my phone painstakingly proofreading it so if there's any errors--#then fuck me i guess #canon x reader

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scribbledghost · 1 year

Text

Fated

Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader (no y/n)

Rating: T

Word Count: 3,770

Warnings: cursing, mild descriptions of violence, 3rd person POV, enemies to lovers, soulmarks, takes place before the events of The Last of Us while Joel is still a smuggler

Summary: Joel finds a woman holed up in an abandoned pharmacy while on a job and notices a very familiar mark on her arm.

It wasn’t supposed to end up like this, Joel thought to himself. It was supposed to be a simple bounty hunt, and look what you ended up with.

To his credit, he hadn’t anticipated the job to begin with - Tess had brought it to his attention, telling him a nearby group of scavengers were looking to nab the person that had ransacked their supplies the night before, and that they had promised to pay handsomely.

“Said they’ll give us a cut of what we bring back,” Tess had said. “More, provided we bring the thief back with us. The supplies will last us for weeks, Joel. We’d be stupid to pass it up.”

They’d gone into the nearby town, splitting up to cover more ground. Scavenger types were known to be less generous as time went on, and Joel knew that if they took too long to recover the stolen goods, they may as well kiss their promised reward goodbye.

Joel had found their mark holed up in an abandoned, long-ago-ransacked pharmacy near the middle of town.

“Feral” was the only proper way Joel could think to describe her - she didn’t speak two words to him when he happened upon her, she’d just withdrawn a bit into herself, bared her teeth, and aimed an axe at him. At first he’d wondered if he’d simply stumbled across another innocent survivor, someone who’d been on their own for however many years since the world had gone to hell and had nothing to do with the scavengers’ pilfered wares. But the pile of food and meds behind her had said otherwise.

“Gotcha.”

He’d taken a couple slow steps towards her, gun and flashlight aimed and ready, when she’d spoken.

“Come any closer and I’ll gut you like a goddamn fish.”

She had fight in her, he had to give her that.

“Somethin’ tells me that stuff ain’t yours.”

“Is now.”

He didn’t have time for this.

“...Look,” Joel had said after heaving an annoyed sigh, “I’ve got my orders, and you’ve got those supplies you stole. There’s a bounty on your head too, but if you just cooperate, maybe we can make a deal-”

He hadn’t had time to finish speaking, because she’d lunged at him, swinging her axe. He’d dodged the first couple of swings, then grabbed the weapon by the handle.

There, with her arm outstretched, is when he’d noticed it.

On her arm, barely visible in the dark and beneath the layer of grime that everyone had come to accumulate since the infection spread, was a symbol that was all too familiar to him.

A soulmark.

Something everyone possessed, and it was said that the other person who bore the same mark was to be your soulmate. It had been part of the reason for his ex-wife’s split from him - she simply hadn’t been able to bring herself to stay married and raise a child with someone whose image was different from hers. At first, he’d done what most others did; scoured the databases, hired matchmakers to try and find his mate. But they’d all come up empty, and after long enough without a lead, he’d stopped trying. He’d gone through the apocalypse not caring in the slightest whether or not someone out there wore the same mark as him.

And now here it was, staring him in the face, on the arm of a woman who was swinging an axe at him like it was her job.

It was supposed to be a simple bounty hunt, and look what you ended up with.

Sensing his distraction, the woman pulled the handle of her weapon against the weak spot in his grip and wrenched it away from him, but by some grace Joel managed to maneuver himself behind her to wrap her in a defensive hold. Her hand struggled in vain, still trying to get the sharpened blade at him, but there was little she could do with her arms pinned at her sides.

“For fuck’s sake, would you wait a goddamn second and listen to me?!” Joel yelled. “Keep comin’ at me with that thing and I will have no choice but to put. You. Down. Understand?”

She continued to struggle a bit longer, though he could tell the fight in her was slowly dissipating. The two of them stood together, the light of his flashlight reflecting off of the dingy tile floor.

“You can’t have it,” she finally said, referring to the stolen goods. “They took it from me first. I was just taking back what was mine to begin with.”

“Awful lot of shit for one person,” Joel quipped.

“Consider it the interest for loaning it to ‘em.”

The banter almost brought a smile to his face.

Almost.

“Listen,” he finally said, “I’ll cut you a deal. You let me take this stuff back, and I won’t turn you in to the scavengers. You can stay with me an’ my partner. They’ve already promised us a cut of what we bring back, so you’ll get at least some of your supplies back. Provided you share, that is.”

It occurred then that he could’ve been making the stupidest decision of his life so far. Here he was, offering a complete stranger who’d just tried to kill him a place with him and Tess. All because of that fucking tattoo on her arm.

He tried desperately to rationalize his actions.

He was curious. So what.

The woman was quiet, save for the gears Joel could practically hear turning in her head.

“Tick tock, lady,” he said. “One-time offer. You don’t answer in the next five seconds and I turn you in with the rest of this shit and get a bigger cut of it.”

“Alright, alright, fine!” she seethed. “...Fine.”

“Good. Now, I’m gonna let you go, and you’re not gonna swing that thing at me. Okay?”

“Whatever, just fuckin’ let go of me already.”

He did, and to her credit, she kept her word. From the way she looked at him though, it took every ounce of her self-restraint.

Joel wasted no time in packing up the supplies and hoofing it out of the pharmacy, the woman walking in front of him the entire way as he guided her through the streets to where Tess had told him they’d meet up after their searches. No chance in hell he was gonna let her walk behind him.

“Well, looks like you fared a lot better than I did,” Tess said when he caught up with her. “Let’s get this back to the group then we can be on our merry way.”

She turned and walked a few steps before Joel spoke.

“She’s stayin’ with us.”

Tess stopped, then slowly turned to face him.

“Excuse me?”

“We made a deal,” Joel said matter-of-factly.

“Real fuckin’ funny how I wasn’t consulted on this ‘deal’.”

He should’ve known it was going to be a fight. But there was still that pit in his stomach, the one begging him to know more about the woman next to him who’s grip on her weapon had tightened since Tess began speaking.

He never really did know when to just let shit go.

“It’ll be better for us this way,” he tried to explain. “An extra set of hands, extra lookout-”

“An extra damn mouth to feed.”

“The pros outweigh the cons, Tess. Let’s just take this stuff back to the scavengers and we can talk about it later.”

Tess eyed the other woman, scanning her as if she had some sort of special vision that would tell her if she’d get axed in the middle of the night if she agreed to take on their newcomer. Joel watched as her eyes fell on the soulmark, then ticked over to him. He gave a minute shake of his head, trying to tell her to keep her damn mouth shut. Thankfully she seemed to get the message, because after a few tense moments, she heaved a sigh and turned back around.

“Whatever. I’ll take this shit back to the group, get our cut, then come meet you back here. Try not to get yourself murdered while I’m gone.”

The hour or so that Tess was gone was mostly spent in silence between the two of them.

Mostly.

“There’s some reason you’re keeping me around.”

“What can I say,” Joel said absentmindedly, “I’m a man of my word.”

“Bullshit.”

“You can believe it, or you can not. Not my problem.”

“Either of you lay a hand on me and I’ll kill you both.”

“I have no doubt.”

Tess returned not long after, made some quip about being surprised to see Joel still alive, and they set out once more with a hefty pack of fresh supplies for their efforts.

He eyed her as he kept watch later that night. She curled up on her own, in a corner of the room in the abandoned house they’d hunkered down in. And she still held onto that damn axe as if her life depended on it.

In her mind, it probably did. He could understand her perspective - he remembered how he’d felt when he lived alone in the wastes. Survival was the only thing he’d been concerned about. If a pair of strangers had all but forced him to join them, he wouldn’t have trusted them either.

The first few nights were tense, to put things mildly. Joel slept even more lightly than he usually did, keeping his ears honed for any sound of shuffling or the swing of a weapon. After the first week or two without incident, however, the three of them began to relax into a routine.

She didn’t ask about his past, and he didn’t ask about hers. He kept trying to convince himself that he didn’t give a rat’s ass anyway about where she’d come from or who she’d been before the infection spread, but sometimes, when the night was dark and he was on watch alone, the thoughts would nag.

What had she been like? The mark on her arm had been there from her birth, just as his had been. Did that mean they would’ve been better suited for each other before? Or had the apocalypse turned them into each other’s “perfect mate”?

Joel would always try, often in vain, to put those thoughts down before they could morph into something else. Once or twice, on nights when he wasn’t careful, he’d catch glimpses of his imagination. Flashbulb pictures of her playing with Sarah. Of all three of them lounged on the couch watching some forgettable movie, with Joel in the middle and both of them tucked into his sides.

He always was more irritable after those nights.

Joel was careful to keep his own soulmark hidden from her. Tess, to her credit, said nothing. Not that Joel had expected her to; if there were two things Tess excelled at, it was keeping secrets and keeping out of other peoples’ business.

And, if you really twisted his arm about it, he had to admit it had been a good idea to invite his apparent soulmate along. She handled herself well in a pinch, and knew the ins and outs of keeping her mouth shut and her head down. She’d actually saved their asses on a couple of occasions, alerting them to clickers before they’d realized they were present.

He wouldn’t exactly go so far as to call them “friends”, but he supposed he could if he had to put a word to it. He had her back, and she had his. Same as him and Tess.

But still, Joel continued to convince himself that he didn’t care about her. That he could wake up the next morning and not care if she’d disappeared in the night. It didn’t matter that she bore the same soulmark as he did; none of that shit had mattered since armageddon. She was simply another way to keep himself alive.

It didn’t matter. He didn’t care.

Until he did.

Early morning light crept into the window in his Boston apartment. Joel took little time to notice that Tess was gone, though that mere fact alone wasn’t cause for worry. Probably off on another deal. What was cause for worry, however, was the series of heavy knocks on the front door followed by deep, angry voices.

“We want our shit back, Tess!” someone bellowed from the hall outside. “Come out or we’ll break this damn thing down!”

Joel sprang from bed, trying his best to keep quiet. He caught sight of his other companion standing stock-still in the living room, axe in hand. She turned and caught his gaze, and he merely lifted a finger to his lips in a “hush” motion.

“I know you’re in there!” the voice came again, this time with bangs so heavy the flimsy wooden door rattled on its hinges.

Joel crept forward, putting a hand on her shoulder as he passed.

“Get back,” he whispered, “let me take care of this. And hide the axe. Might set ‘em off if they see you’re armed.”

“Sounds like they’re already set off to me.”

“I’ll handle it,” he said with a bit more force. “Done it before. Just stay back.”

To her credit, she obeyed. He heard quiet footsteps behind him and the soft thunk of the weapon being sat on the floor, hopefully somewhere out of sight but still close enough to grab in a pinch.

Just as another series of bangs sounded, Joel opened the door. There were three of them, huge men with weapons in their hands and scowls on their faces.

“Alright,” Joel said, “What’s goin’ on here?”

“Bring us Tess,” the one in front seethed. “We traded her some meds for a couple ration cards but turns out the bitch gave us expired ones. We want our shit back.”

“Well, you’re gonna have to wait,” Joel said, “she ain’t here.”

“Bullshit,” another said, “we know she lives here.”

A cold sting of dread slithered through Joel’s body. A group like this knowing where Tess - and by extension he - lived was never a good thing. But that would be taken care of later.

“She does, but I just told y’all. She ain’t here now. Dunno where she is.”

“We came here to get our stuff back, and we ain’t leavin’ until we have it. Get out of the way.”

“She hasn’t been back since last night,” Joel said, doing his best to still block the door. “Your shit ain’t here.”

“Then we’ll just take yours.”

He tried to hold them back, but he was outmuscled and outnumbered. They shoved past him after a brief struggle, then began to head through the house.

At first he was primarily concerned with not losing any of their supplies. Ration tickets, stored food, fresh water, and spare first aid items were gold incarnate these days, and he’d be damned if he was going to sit by and let someone steal them from under his nose.

Then one of the men approached her.

“How about we just take her with us too? Consider it… collateral for rippin’ us off,” he leered at her.

Joel knew that look. He’d seen it a hundred times, and he hated it every time. Now that it was aimed at her, it was as if his conscious brain stopped functioning and handed the controls over to his survival instincts.

Without thinking, Joel shoved himself between the two. Just as the man before him began to say something about “being overprotective of his property”, Joel watched as a glint of silver pierced his vision.

While the two had been distracted, she’d grabbed her weapon, swung it, and caught the offending character in the throat.

The other two noticed the commotion when he fell to the ground, gurgling some semblance of words from around the blood in his mouth. He fell silent after not much longer, while the others ramped up their screams and threats. Joel looked around frantically for something - anything - he could use as a weapon, so she wouldn’t be left to defend herself, but he refused to move from in front of her.

At least this way if they shoot, they’ll get me instead of her, he thought to himself.

Then, suddenly, between the screams and waving of guns and swinging of bats, Joel heard a voice.

“On the ground!”

He knew it. He recognized it. And he didn’t have to think twice before grabbing the woman behind him and pulling her to the floor beneath him as a handful of gunshots rang out above. After four or five rounds and two loud thuds, the world stopped.

Joel waited a handful of seconds before pushing himself up on his hands. Just as he was about to apologize for laying his full weight on the woman under him, he saw her eyes tick over to his arm.

He blanched at the realization that he still had short sleeves on, and his soulmark was on full display.

Her eyes widened a fraction as she looked back at him. But before he could find something to say, Tess’s voice came as a welcome distraction.

“Can’t leave you two alone for five seconds, can I?”

Neither of them spoke to each other as the day wore on, partially due to their focus being on removing the bodies from the apartment and quickly packing up to move to another and partially due to the sheer awkwardness that had developed the instant she’d caught sight of Joel’s soulmark. Thankfully there was an empty apartment nearby for all of them to shuffle into, with all the same shitty comforts of home.

She was gone when he woke up the next morning. As much as it stung in the moment, he couldn’t blame her.

“She saw it, didn’t she?” Tess asked over a quiet cup of the world’s worst coffee.

“Yeah,” Joel mumbled. “She saw it.”

“Don’t take it personal,” Tess said, “it’s kind of a lot to take in, isn’t it? World went to shit and now she’s supposed to believe she found her soulmate? Her scruffy 'knight in shining armor’? Dunno about you, but that shit hasn’t even been on my radar.”

“Wasn’t on mine either ‘til I saw we matched.”

“Maybe she’s just off thinkin’ somewhere,” Tess offered gently as she stood and walked away with a quiet pat on Joel’s shoulder. “Maybe she just needs some space before she wanders back around.”

He didn’t want to admit it to himself, but he desperately hoped Tess was right. He fell into a fitful sleep when she didn’t return that night.

Or the next.

The fourth day in her absence, Joel once again woke up without Tess in sight. It was almost a relief - he was beginning to tire of her giving him looks of pity. He knew she tried to hide it, and to anyone else, she could have pulled it off. But not to him. He knew.

He stretched his aging muscles, heaved himself off of the ancient mattress, and made his way from the bedroom into the kitchen. When he got there, he stopped dead in his tracks.

There she was, standing, just… staring out of the kitchen window. His breath puffed from him in a quiet, involuntary gasp. He watched as she turned to him, a sad look in her gaze as the corners of her lips turned upwards in an apologetic smile.

“Hey.”

“Where the hell have you been?” Joel blurted harshly despite himself.

“Thinkin’.”

“Long time to just be thinkin’.”

“Had a lot to think about.”

He took a few cautious steps towards her, not unlike the ones he took that first time in the pharmacy months ago.

“Like what?”

Truthfully, he was simply teasing her now. He knew full well what had been on her mind, because it was all the same things that had been on his. From the way she turned and shot him a glare, he knew she was aware too.

“You know exactly what,” she said, a grin teasing her expression.

Her grin fell then, and melancholy began to infuse the atmosphere.

“You know,” she said, turning her arm to look at her soulmark, “ever since the world went to shit all those years ago, I’ve spent the entire time hating this thing. Thought it was just a cruel reminder of all the stuff I’d never have. I stayed on my own because I didn’t trust anyone else enough to stick around. But you? I… I trust you. As much as anyone can trust anyone else these days, anyway. I trust Tess too, but… I think I trust you just a little more.”

Joel said her name softly as he put a gentle hand on her back.

“I feel safe around you,” she said, then sighed. “I… I think you know what I’m trying to say here, Joel. Don’t make me spell it for you.”

He knew. He was just trying to figure out how to tell her he felt the same without making a fool of himself.

“And even if that means having to look at my mark on your arm every day and know you don’t, or… can’t feel the same way I do, then… then that’s okay.”

Joel, beneath all his flaws and imperfections and sins, was a man of few words. Fewer still after the infection had spread and he’d lost Sarah. So he settled for the only thing he could think to do.

He reached for her. Pulled her closer.

And he kissed her.

He kissed her like his damn life depended on it. When they parted, foreheads still touching, he finally found his words.

“...I missed you,” he murmured into the space between them.

“Missed you too,” she answered.

The two of them stayed that way for a moment, foreheads resting against each other and eyes closed. Taking in a reunion that was so rare since the infection spread those years ago.

“You know,” she said softly after a while, “I don’t think I ever apologized for trying to kill you when we first met.”

A laugh bubbled up from Joel’s chest. A real, genuine laugh; something that had become so foreign to him it almost startled him.

“Don’t need to apologize,” he said, “I probably would’a done the same if I’d been in your shoes.”

They shared a laugh this time, the sound curling around them and softly enveloping them as they stood together.

“Fated minds think alike, huh?” she quipped.

“Yeah,” Joel said with a smile, leaning in for another kiss, “Guess they do.”

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #ghost scribbles

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reevesdriver · 2 years

Text

Polaroids: Part 2

Summary: Negan takes a liking to you after finding Daryls wallet containing nude polaroids.

Word count: 2551

Character(s): Negan

Reader: Female Reader

Warning(s): None / 🌕🌑

Support Me: Kofi

Part 1 | Part 3 |

A few weeks had passed since that day in your home and Negan had turned up three more times but every time you’d managed to avoid him like the plague. You always made sure to stay out of the way, even going as far as walking to the opposite end of Alexandria and hiding behind one of the houses or ‘suddenly’ needing to go on a run for some urgent things.

Rick and Daryl had noticed the shift in your behaviour and did anything they could to help you avoid Negan despite not knowing what really happened between the pair of you. Today was no exception, Negan was due and Daryl decided to take you out on a run for supplies so you didn’t have to see him.

You travelled further then you needed to but Daryl insisted on widening your search into uncharted territory just incase you happened to hit a gold mine of supplies that you could scavenge. Pulling outside a row of stores you climbed out of the car after scanning your surroundings for any walkers or people and grabbed your gun and knife from the footwell and your bag from the back seat.

“Looks like we still have a few hours of daylight left, might as well take our time before we need to go back.” Daryl said as he followed you to the front of the first store in the line.

Peeking through the window you could see that it was a clothes shop that had barely been looted. “I’m gonna head in here first, need some more clothes and might as well get what I can for the rest of the group. I know the world has ended but I’m sick of wearing the same clothes everyday.” You say and Daryl nods.

“I’ll check next door. Shout if you need me.” He says and walks to the Pharmacy next-door. Pushing the door open you step inside the store and hiss when the bell above the door rings, keeping still you wait for a few seconds until you decide that there is no threat and holster your weapon. Scanning the nearby racks you grab a few t-shirts and tank tops for yourself since the weather was beginning to get warmer and stuff them into your bag.

Moving through the store you filled your bag with clothes you needed until finally you reached the lingerie section. You grabbed a few new bras in your size that were most comfortable fit and then stepped to the underwear and checked through the different types. Picking up a pack of thongs you chuckled to yourself trying to remember the last time you ever actually wore a pair.

“You finished in here yet?” Daryl speaks making you jump.

“Yeah, just need to grab some clothes for the people back home and then I'm done in here.” You say shoving a few pairs of different underwear unto your bag and zipping it up. Grabbing a few bags from behind the counter you and Daryl hastily shoved some clothes of different sizes into the bags and loaded them into the boot of the car next to a bag that Daryl had filled with some medical supplies from the Pharmacy.

“We should search that grocery store, there should be a lot of food left if the rest of these stores have been untouched.” Approaching the store you both check around to make sure that you’re still alone before entering. You cover your nose and mouth as the smell of rotten food hits you. “Guess there won't be any fresh food.” You say and Daryl hums. “Don’t think anywhere has fresh food anymore, gotta grow it ourselves.” He adds.

The shelves are mostly full of foods, you can tell that some people were clearly panic buying when the first broadcast came through about the outbreak but there was still a lot of things remaining. When you finished filling your bag you sat on the edge of the counter, swinging your legs and picking at a tare in your jeans as you watch Daryl stuffing tins of food into a bag.

Standing up Daryl kicks the bag over to yours and moves to stand between your legs, instantly you wrap your arms around his neck as your lips meet and his hands rest on your waist. Pulling away from your lips Daryl sighs and rests his forehead against yours. “Me n’ Rick are worried about you. You’ve been different ever since Negan came to see you. What happened?.”

“Daryl.” You sigh. “He was the one who found your wallet, and like anyone would do he looked inside and found the polaroids. He didn’t know it was yours but recognised me so wanted to tell me that I was lucky it was him who found it and nobody else. Then he left.”

“You sure that’s all that happened?”

“Daryl please I-shit.” You cut yourself off when you notice a few stray walkers coming into the store. Daryl steps back and grabs his crossbow raising it ready to shoot but you stop him after noticing that it was a huge crowd instead of a few strays.

“Don’t waste your ammo, we need to get upstairs before they see us.” Grabbing Daryl's bag you throw it to him and grab your own as you both run to the back of the store and through the stairway door. Running up the stairs behind Daryl you managed to avoid tripping up as you burst through the door to what appeared to be an office.

Without saying a word you and Daryl worked in unison to barricade the door with the heaviest pieces of furniture that you could move as well as sliding the flimsy and useless chain across to keep it in place.

“We should be safe up here for a few hours until they move out of the store, then we can make a run for the car and get out of here.” You say gazing through a slit in the blinds at the crowd of walkers that were pacing around on the street outside. Daryl had his ear pressed to the barricaded door. “They didn’t see us, can’t hear em coming upstairs so we’re good.”

You step away from the window and look around the room to make sure that there was one door in and out. It was only a small office, there was a desk in the centre of the room that had now been shoved against the door with a chair and a filing cabinet, and a couch that you had been unable to move pushes against one of the walls.

Daryl walks to the couch and throws himself down on it and you join him sitting by his side. As the sun faded and the moon rose the sound of groaning walkers in the store below and on the street didn’t diminish. You both took it in shifts during the night keeping watch whilst the other slept but as you try tried to figure out an escape route Negan was pacing back and forth in his bedroom at the Sanctuary.

The leader of the saviours was livid. It had been weeks since he had seen you and every single time he went to Alexandria you were either nowhere to be found or out on a run with your fuck-buddy Daryl. Negan hadn’t been able to sleep properly since your last encounter and the lewd photos he had tucked away in the top drawer of his bedside table did nothing to ease the sickly feeling of not seeing you.

Countless times he’d stormed away from Alexandria just to return to his bed and angrily fist his cock whilst looking at the polaroids he’d taken of you and more than once he’d pretended that it was you he was balls deep in instead of his wives. You were the only thing on his mind 24/7, even fighting walkers had taken a back seat as a few times he’s been distracted and almost bit before one of his men stepped in.

Negan decided whilst in bed that night that he was going to see you tomorrow regardless of whether you wanted him to or not, and if you were on a run then he would simply wait until you got back. You were done avoiding him.

You woke, slumped against the wall as your forehead burnt from the sun that was shining through the window down at you, jumping up you look to the couch to see Daryl led on his side and snoring. Peeking through the curtain of the window you see that the street is empty and you can no longer hear the sounds of groaning from multiple walkers.

“Daryl come on.” You tap his shoulder and he jolts awake. “I can’t hear them anymore we need to leave.”

He nods and forces himself off the hard couch. You both work to move the furniture from in front of the door and grab your bags throwing them over your shoulders. Making a quick break through the store Daryl slips in a pile of blood and lands awkwardly on his arm making him swear in pain and draw a few walkers over “Leave the bags we can come back for them.” You shout grabbing him by his uninjured arm, Daryl stands and drops the bag from his throbbing shoulder and takes his knife out stabbing a nearing walker in the eye as you reach the car. You open the door for him and Daryl quickly climbs in and watches as you take down another walker and get into the drivers side.

Starting the engine you waste no time in pealing out of there and as you look through your rearview mirror you see a crowd of walkers leaving the stores and walking in your direction. The crowd fades as you change gear and speed up back down the long road to your compound.

“Thanks for helping me.” He nervously chews on one of his nails.

“I wouldn’t just leave you Daryl. I’m not a monster.”

Driving up to Alexandria the gates are opened for you and it takes a second or so before you see a familiar truck parked near the entrance. Under the midday sun you can see Negan leaning against the truck with his arms crossed as he speaks to Rick but soon his attention is pulled away as you and Daryl pull into the compound and park.

“You alright?” Daryl asks, noticing how you frowned when you saw Negan.

Nodding your head you reply. “Yeah I’m fine. How’s your arm?”

“Hurtin’, think I’ve got some spare painkillers.”He replies climbing out of the car, as Rick approaches the two of you his face drops slightly when he sees Daryl wincing and the pair of you sprayed with blood. “What happened?” He asks.

“Store we were at got overrun with walkers, we had to stay there until the crowd thinned down enough for us to make a run to the car.” Daryl responded. “Killed a couple on the way out but managed to bust my arm up real good.

You grabbed your bag from the back seat of the car and throw it over your shoulder. “We got some bags in the back full of clothes and medical supplies, only as much as we could fill up but we dropped the bags of food we had trying to get out.”

“We’ll sort that out later, I’m glad to have you both back in one piece.”

“Why’s he here?” You ask as Negan begins to approach.

“What, am I not allowed to drop in and see my favourite group?” He says with his token smirk. “Ya’ll intrigue me so I’ve come to watch how you work. My men could do with a few tips and I wanna help them with that.”

“Fantastic.” You mumble. Rick and Carl work to unload the boot of the car whilst Daryl returns to his home to deal with his arm and you turn to head to your house so you can unpack your bag.

Unfortunately for you the sound of another set of footsteps behind you put you on edge, turning round when you get to your front door your suspicions are confirmed when Negan walks up to the porch behind you. “You been avoiding me Princess?” He speaks but you still don’t acknowledge him . “Oh come on now don’t tell me you’ve gone all shy.”

“Sorry Y/N.” Rick interrupts as he joins you and Negan at your front door. “I know you’ve just got back but I wanna gonna go over the routes for the runs tomorrow, can you show me where you went yesterday.” Rick says shifting nervously as he avoids Negans glare.

“Sure, come in.” You walk through the door and hold it open so Rick and Negan can walk in, shutting it behind the leader of the Saviours you take your shoes off and walk to the living room.

Dropping your bag to the floor you remove the map from one of the side pockets and work on unfolding it on the coffee table as Rick and Negan take a seat on your couch in front of you. Your breath catches in your throat as you see Negan sitting in the same spot as last time, catching his eyes Negan winks at you as he places hit bat next to him.

Your map had been marked with multiple different coloured dots indications places searched and areas to stay away from. Tracing your finger from the green dot that marked Alexandria you followed the route that you took trying to remember any turns along the way until you reach an unmarked cluster of stores on the map.

Adding a red dot to the map you speak. “I think it’s around about here, I’ll recognise the route once I’m out on the road. The herd should have moved on by now so I'll be able to go back there in the morning and retrieve the bags we dropped and maybe pack a few more too if I get chance.”

“Y/N you barely got out and Daryl busted his arm.”

“We need the supplies Rick. It would be better for us to completely gut the place before anyone else finds it, the rest of you can go out as a group to a different location and I’ll go back to those stores since I know the layout. The less people that go the more bags I can fill and put in my car.”

“I’ll go with you.” Negan adds with a stern face making you and Rick look at him. “Can't be sending people out on their own, especially the valuable ones.”

“You alright with that Y/N?” Rick asks still unsure of Negan intentions but not wanting to upset him.

“Yeah, better having backup just incase it goes sour.”

Standing up from the couch Negan makes you jump as he claps his hands together. “Well alrighty then. I better go back and tell my men so they don’t come stormin’ this place. I’ll see you tomorrow morning doll.” He smiles and winks at you again. Rick escorts Negan out of your house and as you peer through your curtains you watch as he drives off.

Tagged: @toxic-ink

#mine #mywriting #negan #negan imagine #negan x reader #negan x female reader #female reader #reader insert #negan smut #smut #twd #twd imagine #the walking dead

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sweeter-innocence-fics · 1 year

Text

My Sweetest Downfall - Chapter Three

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Reader

Work Summary:

Eddie’s back from the Upside Down, but things aren’t exactly how he left them. Hawkins is in pieces, his friends are scattered and the love of his life is… pregnant?

Eddie Munson x Harrington!Reader

Chapters: Prologue 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Epilogue

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 2738

Read on AO3.

Masterlists.

Taglist: @mrs-kai-anderson @ang3l1te @missryerye @eddiesgirlforever @harrys-tittie

Taglist info

Previous Chapter

Notes:

warnings for pregnancy stuff, mentions of vomiting, grief

---

~ FOUR MONTHS EARLIER ~

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay on your own?” Steve was perched on the arm of the couch, dressed in his Family Video uniform, looking down at you with concern.

“I’ll be fine,” you said, although you didn’t feel fine at all. You were curled up on the couch, sweat gathering at your brow, a sick bucket beside you. At least Steve had braided your hair to keep it low maintenance and out of the way. “Go. Be an adult. Make money.”

“Fine. But you know the store’s number if you need to call me, okay? I know Robin won’t mind covering for me.”

“I know, you already said. You should go or you’re gonna be late.”

As soon as the front door closed behind him, you tugged your blanket tighter around yourself. You had a plan, but you needed Steve to be further away before you put it in motion.

It involved you making your way to the pharmacy without him knowing. There was no use in worrying him over nothing. It wouldn’t be too difficult, assuming you could stop puking for long enough to make it there and back.

So you waited. You turned on the TV. There was nothing on that was of any interest to you, but you found yourself mindlessly watching whatever channel it had landed on, checking the clock every two minutes.

When it had been half an hour since Steve left, you dragged yourself off the couch. The pharmacy was a couple of miles down the road, and you didn’t have a car, so you took your bike. You didn’t let yourself think too hard about what you were doing. You were just being cautious, that was all.

You couldn’t make eye contact with the pharmacist as you put three boxes of pregnancy tests on the counter in front of him. You could feel him watching you, but you said nothing as you paid and scooped the boxes into your backpack.

Overall, the trip took you about forty-five minutes. You went straight into your bathroom when you got home and unpacked all the tests. As you read over the instructions, you realised that they were more complicated than you were hoping for. Still, you set to work.

The process made you feel a little like you were in chemistry class. It involved pipettes and test tubes and a lot of waiting. Two hours of waiting, to be precise. You set the whole thing up and then went downstairs to make yourself some lunch. At least the feeling of sickness had subsided by now.

You tried not to watch the clock. You knew it would only make things run slower. Resolute, you raided the cabinet where your family kept their VHS tapes. There were a few old classics that you were sure would bring you closer to your time limit, but you found you couldn’t focus.

You stopped the first movie fifteen minutes in. When you switched to another, you barely made it ten. After trying and failing a third one, you gave up, feeling agitated. Nothing could hold your attention.

You found yourself staring at the phone. But who could you call? You didn’t want Steve to cut his workday short to come and look after you. Like you said, you didn’t want to worry him over nothing. Robin was at work with Steve. All your other friends either had their own problems going on, or they’d drifted away from you with the passage of time.

In your heart of hearts, you knew who you really wanted to talk to, but that was no use. He was gone.

Steeling yourself, you dialled the number of your father’s office. His secretary picked up on the third ring.

“Mr Harrington’s office?” she said. You didn’t recognise her voice, but that was no surprise. Your dad never kept one secretary for long. Your mom didn’t trust him to.

“Hi, I’m Mr Harrington’s daughter, I was wondering if you had the number for the hotel he’s staying at.”

There was a long pause. “I’m sorry, I can’t give that information out without his authorisation.”

“Didn’t you hear me? I’m his daughter.”

“So you said, but I’m afraid that I can’t just take your word for it, but I can pass on a message on to him?”

“Don’t bother.” By the time he called you back – if he called you back – your two hours would be long over. You set the phone back on the receiver and covered your face with your hands.

What were you doing? It wasn’t as if you even wanted to talk to your parents, but at least it would give you something to do.

Feeling defeated, you went back to the stack of VHS tapes and rifled through them once again.

When your timer finally went off, you’d been staring at it for ten minutes. You took a deep breath, turned off the television, and got to your feet.

The array of test tubes in your bathroom were exactly as you’d left them. You don’t know what you were expecting. It felt strange that while you agonised downstairs, they’d just been sitting here. With trembling fingers, you picked up the instructions again, and compared the test tubes with the pictures provided.

Your stomach dropped. This couldn’t be right. You were only taking the tests to put your mind at ease. You couldn’t really be pregnant.

Eddie was the first guy you’d slept with in a long time, and you’d only done it once with him.

Oh god.

Eddie.

A tremulous sob broke free from you. All of a sudden, the floodgates were open. The numbness that had hung over you since Eddie had died was gone now, and you were feeling the sharp edge of every emotion that came with it.

“Eddie,” you said aloud, like it might somehow ease your pain, and then you began to sob harder. The instructions fell from your fingers. Your knees buckled. Slumped on the floor, you hugged yourself.

You don’t know how long you spent sitting on your bathroom floor, but when you heard your front door close, you realised that you were sitting in the dark.

“Steve,” you said, but your voice came out cracked and hoarse.

Somehow, you managed to get your feet under you. You clung to the wall as you made your way down the stairs, your vision blurred with tears.

Distantly, you could hear voices, and you realised that Robin was here too. Part of you hesitated, not wanting her to see you like this, but a bigger part of you needed Steve right now.

You stepped out into the living room, and they both turned to face you. You watched their faces fall as they took in your dishevelled appearance.

“Steve,” you whimpered, and he crossed the room in two strides, putting his arms around you.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, it’s okay,” he murmured, stroking your hair. “What’s wrong?” Your emotions had caught him off guard. He, like you, had grown accustomed to your numbness. Robin was staring at both of you, mouth agape.

“I’m gonna go get you some water, okay?” she said, her voice strained.

When she disappeared into the kitchen, Steve guided you over to the couch and then pulled you into his lap. It was like you were children again, with him comforting you when a mean girl made fun of you. It had been years since you’d been this close to him, with school and popularity and different social circles pushing you apart. Right now, you needed him.

“What’s wrong, sweetpea?” he murmured, rubbing your back. He hadn’t called you that in years. Your reply was muffled by his shirt. “What?”

You leant away from him and took a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.” You watched the horror dance across his face, and winced.

“A-are- Are you sure?” he stuttered.

“I did three tests.”

“Fuck.” He leant back against the couch. “Can I ask who-” He didn’t finish the question. The way your face crumpled was answer enough. “Fuck. Fuck. Sweetpea, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know that you two were… like that.”

“We… weren’t. Not really. It was just one time.”

Robin reappeared a moment later, holding a glass of water. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop,” she said, setting it down on the coffee table in front of you. “But I kinda heard everything you just said.”

You shook your head. “It’s okay, Robin. I trust you. But please don’t tell anyone yet. I don’t want this getting back to our parents.”

Steve put his arm around your shoulders again and squeezed you. “You know I’m here for you, right? Whatever you want to do. Whatever you decide to do. I’ll be here for you.”

“It probably doesn’t mean as much coming from me, but for the record, me too,” said Robin.

You sniffled a little, but a smile curled up the edges of your lips. “Thank you. Do you guys wanna watch a movie?”

The three of you settled down into an impromptu movie night. There was popcorn and soda and all the trimmings. After the second movie, Steve dropped Robin back home.

While you were alone, your mind went back to what Steve had said earlier. ‘Whatever you decide to do.’ You knew what he meant by that, but it wasn’t something you’d thought about yet.

Instinctively, you drew your knees up to your chest, hugging them close. An image flashed across your mind of a little boy with dark, curly hair and big brown eyes. Your baby. The little piece of Eddie that was growing inside you. All that was left of him in the world. With a shaky breath, you realised that you couldn’t get rid of him.

When Steve got home, he found you tidying up the living room. This revelation, while it had broken you, had electrified you too. You had more energy than you’d had since Eddie died.

“You don’t have to do that,” said Steve, trying to take things out of your hands, but you shrugged him off.

“I want to. I’m not that useless.”

“I don’t think you’re useless.”

“Well, I’m trying not to be.”

Steve watched you as you set the bowls, plates and glasses in the sink and then turned on the hot tap. Silently, he came and stood beside you, and as you washed the dishes, he dried them.

“Steve?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m keeping the baby. It’s all I have left of Eddie. I can’t get rid of it.”

He set down the bowl that he’d been drying and pressed a kiss to your temple. “I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

“You can’t tell mom and dad. You know what they’d say.” That you were throwing your life away. That you should get an abortion. That you’re an idiot and a slut for sleeping trailer trash like Eddie.

“I know.” He squeezed your shoulder.

~ PRESENT DAY ~

You didn’t let go of Eddie for a long time. Your baby bump was pressed against his stomach and your face was buried in his neck, your fingers tangled in his hair as you held him close.

He couldn’t help but cling to you too. He couldn’t imagine what you must’ve been going through over these past few months, and he’d be damned if he was the one to pull away first. Your body was warm, and you smelled like shampoo. His arms wrapped tightly around your waist, breathing you in.

“Eddie…” Your voice was soft and strained. You leant back, and he felt bereft. He didn’t want you to go, but you were just leaning back far enough to look him in the eyes. “We have a lot to talk about. My- My baby-” Eddie’s eyes darted down to your stomach. “I’m sure you’ve probably figured out that it’s yours. I understand if you don’t want to have anything to do with her, you didn’t sign up for this-”

“Her?” Eddie interrupted. “We’re having a girl?”

He watched the anxious lines of your face smooth out as you gave him a cautious smile. “Yeah, we are.”

“Babe, if you think I’m gonna be anything but 110% there for you and our daughter, you’re nuts. I’ll do whatever you need me to. If you want me involved, I am there every step of the way.”

You let out a breathy laugh. “Of course I want you there, Eds. I just didn’t wanna foist a baby on you when you didn’t ask for it.”

He stroked a lock of hair out of your face. “You’re not foisting anything on me. I promise.”

You smiled at him. Your eyes widened suddenly. “I think she knows we’re talking about her.” Before he could ask what you meant, you grabbed his wrist and pressed his hand against your belly.

“What- Oh.” He felt movement underneath his fingertips. “That’s her?”

“That’s her. She’s saying hello to her daddy.”

In distinctive Eddie fashion, he dropped to his knees and put both hands on your belly, staring intently at it. “Hi, baby. I’m your dad. I know I haven’t been around so far, but I’m here now. I know I haven’t met you yet, but I want you to know that I already love you more than anything.” He dropped a swift kiss on your bump and then got back to your feet. With a jolt, he realised that you were crying.

“I’m sorry,” he said, stroking his hands down your arms. “Was that too much? That was too much, right?”

You shook your head and pulled him back into a hug. The two of you stayed like that until an awkward cough from the doorway made you pull back from him.

Steve looked incredibly awkward, one hand on his hip, the other leaning on the doorframe. “Sorry to interrupt. The guest room is made up. We should all get some sleep. I need to call Dustin first thing in the morning. He’ll be upset if he’s the last to know that you’re alive.”

Eddie grimaced. Dustin was a great kid. It pained Eddie to think about how all this must’ve affected him. “Of course. Right. And I need to call my uncle Wayne.” A thought occurred to him suddenly, and he turned to you. “Does he know about-”

“He knows I’m pregnant,” you said. “I told him about it. I figured that he had a right to know that he was gonna have a little grand-niece. He’s been good to me. We met up for lunch a few times, before...”

“Before?” Eddie’s heart gave a little squeeze.

You grimaced at him. “He moved away from Hawkins, Eds. He couldn’t bear it here anymore, not with you being gone and everyone calling you a murderer. He almost didn’t, though. When I told him I was pregnant he wanted to cancel his plans and stay to support me. But he was clearly devastated. I didn’t want him sticking around on my account. So I told him that he should move if it would help, and he made me promise that I would call him if I needed anything.”

Eddie squeezed you. “He’s a good man.” If he couldn’t raise his own kid, then he knew that Wayne would step up and do everything he could. He was more of a father to him than his own father.

You stifled a yawn. “Come on. It’s bedtime. I’ll show you to your room.”

Eddie glanced around, but saw that Steve had already gone. Part of him hoped that, no longer under your brother’s watchful eye, you might invite him into your room so you could talk some more, but instead, you walked him to the guest room and bid him goodnight.

Maybe it had been a foolish hope, but he thought that after everything, this would be the start of a new phase in your relationship. But maybe you didn’t feel the way he did. Maybe that one night at Reefer Rick’s had been just that: one night.

If that was true, then it was a memory he’d cherish forever. The taste of your lips, of your skin, and of other things. The way you felt wrapped around him. The way your pretty mouth formed an ‘o’ as you came. If that was all he got, then he was luckier than most.

Next Chapter

#eddie munson x reader #steve harrington x sister!reader #eddie munson x harrington!reader #Eddie munson x you

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justagalwhowrites · 7 months

Text

October 5, 2023

Since today is Doc's 45th birthday, I thought I'd give you all a glimpse of what she's up to today in both OG Lavender and the AU.

*CW: Light smut :)

OG Doc

This Doc is somewhere between Kansas City and Jackson, Wyoming. Joel knows it's her birthday and tries to do SOMETHING nice for her. He finds a can of fruit cocktail at a store a few days before and stashes it in his pack to save for her. He also found a ribbon around a gift set of bath stuff at a pharmacy they stopped at and he held onto that, too. Finally, he found a deck of Uno cards at a grocery store, one that's intact and not too damaged, and he holds onto that, too. After walking all day - Doc being a more withdrawn and quiet than usual - they find a place to camp for the night. Joel says it's fine to make a fire. Ellie goes into the woods to use the bathroom and Joel takes advantage of the privacy to pull out the ribbon, the fruit cocktail, the game. "I know it ain't much," he says awkwardly. "But... Wanted to do something for you. Because if there's a single damn thing worth celebrating in this world it's that you were born." Doc tears up and takes the gifts, turning them over kind of reverently in her hands before she throws her arms around Joel and buries her face in his chest and just says. "Thank you. Thank you so much." Ellie comes back from the bathroom and goes "Ugh can you two keep it in your pants for like five minutes?" Doc laughs wetly and hands Ellie the cards. When she takes them, she goes to tie the new ribbon in her hair. "We're playing that tonight," Doc says, nodding to the cards. "Get ready because this game gets serious. It's very cut throat." Ellie just kind of scoffs and says "I'm still gonna kick your ass." And you look up at Joel and smile a little and say "I'm sure you will, Gremlin."

AU Doc

Joel has already planned the perfect camping weekend for all his girls but he still wants to do something on the actual DAY. Doc is at the hospital all day and she's purposely scheduled herself for some surgery time she doesn't normally get - being a chief of surgery has a lot of administrative duties, after all - so she can do what she really loves all day. Joel found an original pressing of the White Album and is so excited to give it to her. Ellie conspired with Sarah and Evie and booked a French pastry class for the four of them just after Halloween so Doc will have time to see if she wants to incorporate any of the recipes into her holiday cooking plans. That night, Joel takes her out for dinner at her favorite Mexican place, just the two of them, and then to a lounge to listen to jazz music. Cassie, Josh, Jess and Andrew are waiting there to surprise her, Jess with a homemade cake. "You really didn't have to do all this!" Doc looks so surprised and so happy that Joel is practically glowing with it. "I know I don't have to," he says. "But I want to. Want to give you everything." Joel pulls her onto the dance floor and, when the two of them get home, Ellie is already in bed. Joel undresses Doc all sensuous and slow before going down on her until she comes all over his mouth. He fucks her slow and hard and deep after and she has to bite into his shoulder to keep from crying out when she comes again as he fills her. She falls asleep draped across his chest, his hand on her back, his nose and lips in her hair, breathing in the smell of her lavender shampoo.

Working on a lil Joel/Doc drabble to hopefully post later today in honor of her birthday.

Love you all!

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #lavender #joel miller x oc

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