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oopsifuckedmylifeup · 7 months

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The Silent Killer

I don't even know how to put in words the feelings i feel. a lot of the times its numbness. Loneliness. Exhaustion. I have no motivation for my job anymore. I have no free time to myself, not with my kids having mental disabilities. Each child the complete opposite but still challenging in their own way. My depression is slowly growing bigger and darker taking over every aspect of my life and slowly drowning me in darkness.

People call me lazy because i literally cannot get myself out of bed and when i do the house is still a mess. i am doing everything i can to survive. but sometimes that doesn't feel like enough.

I'm trying to keep my head above water but the pay for a preschool teacher is not ideal, especially for a single parent of two kids with high demands. i worry if ill be able to buy them snow boots or snow coats. i worry if the food we have will stretch until the next time we get what little food stamps we get. My whole paycheck goes to bills and gas so there isn't much left for food.

Those intrusive thoughts keep coming to mind, to just end it all. The kids will be just fine with their grandparents. They don't need you, you cant even provide for them yourself. You wont be tired if you're dead. All your troubles will be gone if you just end it now.

I try not to let them get to me but some days are just harder than others.

this isn't me asking for money this is me venting. I'm broke. I am a single parent. i have severe depression, panic disorder, anxiety, ADHD, PTSD who knows what else.

I am tired. I am about to give up. I am alone in this world raising two kids and working full time and it is so fucking hard. I've become this cold bitter person that i don't even recognize anymore. Nothing makes me smile, nothing makes me laugh. I'm numb.

I really am not asking for money but if you do want to help out every little bit counts my cashapp is ashleydonna26

sorry for my depressing post i am just really not in a good place right now mentally and i don't see myself getting out of it for a while.

Lots of love

Ashley

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dimp404 · 1 month

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Today doctor found out and told my mother

#self-harm #scuicidal #its been so long #now its complicated #I spend the whole day wanting ANYONE to kill me #im not ready to talk to my mother

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a-bit-dapper · 3 months

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incorrect textposts: miscellaneous edition

the first batch

#mcyt incorrect quotes #martyn inthelittlewood #inthelittlewood #rendog #grian #goodtimeswithscar #scarian #docm77 #desert duo #scuicide tw

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ares-in-heart · 4 months

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THE ROT CONSUMES

#self h@te #hate #self destructive thoughts #tw depressing thoughts #depressiv #self destruction #tw depressing stuff #self destructive tendencies #tw scuicidal thoughts #tw sh related #sh implied #988blr #self h@rm #cvtt!ng

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0-rai · 1 month

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Henry offed himself...

#fnaf #fnaf movie #fnaf movie spoilers #william afton #afton #purple guy #william afton movie #henry emily #henry schmidt #henry fnaf #suicide #tw suicide #cw scuicide

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crows-and-crumbs · 6 months

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Aftg time travel AU idea in my brain I can’t really let go of

Classic “everyone gets sent back to the start of the first book” but they still have their memories right?

Anyways, everyone has an awful time:

Andrew is back on the drugs and Drake is still alive, Proust is still alive everything is awful.

Neil is on the run again, back in Millport, his dad is alive, Riko is alive, that’s awful to.

Seth is alive and Allison is fucking reeling.

Riko is alive and I don’t have to tell you how that impacts Kevin.

However, what I want to talk about is Jean and Jeremy.

Like the two of them, waking up in the past, and Jean is right back in his own personal hell at the nest. Right back under Riko’s thumb.

Jeremy is fine in his little Trojan paradise, except for the knowledge that Jean is in hell, a hell that he’s expressed he’s rather kill himself than ever return to.

The absolute fear and rush Jeremy’s in to get to him, to fix it, to save him, knowing that Jean is running on fucking fumes at this point, and just- the angst potential y’all.

Anyways I’m not gonna write it, cause I suck at writing time travel fics, but this is my pitch for someone with more talent than me to do so if they wish.

Actually in light of the new book, we just need more Jean and Jeremy please, friendship or lovers I don’t care that much, but just the two of them make me happy

#aftg #all for the game #aftg fanfic #jean moreau #jeremy knox #jean and jeremy #andrew minyard #aftg fandom #neil josten #fanfic ideas #tw scuicidal thoughts

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whereserpentswalk · 27 days

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I hate how much of the narrative around mental health is based around the idea of shoving mentally ill people away from society inorder to comfort the mentally healthy. So much of the discussion around suicidal or self harming people is about making sure nobody is ever offended by hearing about them. People will literally tell you not to get comfort from your freinds because they don't want your problems to upset them. Everyone just tells you to call the number because they hope they won't have to deal with you (that number is a trap by they way, you will be forcibly imprisoned, drugged and likely raped if you call it).

Imagine if people treated cancer this way. Imagine if you just weren't allowed to talk about what you were going through because some healthy person might be upset.

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thefakeandthelost · 11 months

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"Omg your so lazy and all you do is hide in your room and I'm sick of it, and not only thar your bed and room are both a disaster."

Yea?, Well yk whose the sickest of it me, I can barely get out of bed to brush my teeth, or change my clothes. I just want the life that was fun and happy not the life where I cvt myself just to feel something, not the life where my emotions are bottled inside and the only way they escape is which anger.

So om sorry if I'm lazy and disappointing, some of us don't have amazing lives where we get up and say 'Let's make today amazing,' no I wake up and say 'I made it another day even though I know everyone wants me dead.'

#tw scuicide #self h@rm #cvutting #kinda depressing #sorry for being depressing #hate myself #tw depressing stuff #tw depressing thoughts

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daily-tallyhall · 9 days

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rip penguin. you will be missed

source (warning flashing lights for later segment)

#tally hall #tally hall internet show #tw scuicide

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nightmareishomophobic · 22 days

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Tw mentions of suicide

I WANNA KILL MYSELF

That's it lol

#tw scuicidal thoughts

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selineram3421 · 11 months

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Song Rec: Memory of Piano by 加藤達也

Isekai'd

Part 8: A Familiar Symphony

Part 7

~

Vash(Tristamp) X Reader

Warning! ⚠

⚠ cussing, explosives, mention of suicide, weapons and guns(pew pew), dismemberment, murder, blood and gore(kinda descriptive), mentions of death ⚠

You ran to get Kevin out of the stable.

"Fucking Hell!", you said, almost tripping over your feet. "Get Kevin out, get Kevin out!"

While unhooking the latch on the stable doors, you heard another bomb go off in the distance.

All the bombs are out now. You think, pulling the reigns to usher the large bird out. "Come on Kevin, its ok."

You quickly put the saddle on and make sure every buckle is on. Hopping onto the bird, you ride it over towards the entrance of the town.

As you come up towards entrance the, you stop Kevin just before they could notice the two of you and see some of the spider like bombs latched onto them.

"Come on, we gotta go put you on the side.", you say and pull on the reigns to make Kevin turn towards an opening between two buildings on the side.

After getting off of the bird, you check for mines by tossing rocks out onto the sand, letting out a relieved sigh when nothing explodes.

"Ok Kevin.", you push the bird out of town. "Run away when everything falls. I'll meet up with you later."

In the background you can hear Vash and EG Bomber going up to the plant.

Turning back towards the entrance, there's a sudden tingling sensation at the back of your head. Before you could take another step, the feeling in your legs give out.

You fall hard to the ground.

"What the-?", you say confused and try to move, but instead the feeling of your body shutting down takes over instead. Why is this happening!? I'm wearing my coat! I'm not overheating!

A piano note plays as your eyes start to close, darkness creeping in.

There's a yank on the back of your coat, and you feel something dragging you away.

There's nothing you can do.

Rem's voice is the last thing you hear.

.

Vash had the bomber in a chokehold.

"Tell us!", he said, tightening every so often with a scowl on his face. "Out with it!"

"A red button on my back!", EG Mine chokes out. "Hurry up! Push it already!"

The blonde wastes no time, letting the two reporters restrain the bomber and removing the cover from the bottom part man's spinal brace. A second after pushing the button, the bombs go back to their previous blue color and fall off of everyone.

There's sighs or relief throughout the town's people.

Roberto ties the bombers hands behind his back when Nebraska points a rocket launcher at the bandaged-face man.

"You killed my beloved boy.", the old man says angrily.

Vash steps in front of the bomber with his left arm stretched out, blocking him. "Please, don't Nebraska."

"Get out of my way! You would dare to protect this maniac!?", Nebraska responds.

As the blonde tries to reason with the man, a piano note plays, gaining everyone's attention. Looking around to pin point where music is coming from, Vash freezes at when recognizing the familiar symphony.

His brother had arrived.

"He's here.."

Snapping out of it, he starts shouting at the people to start running, following EG Mine as they escape. When he gets to the place where the piano was playing, there's blood all over the ground and arms hanging off of the saloon doors.

Once inside he points his gun at his identical twin.

"Have you ever wondered..what its like to speak with a God?", Knives asks, sitting on the chair in front of the piano.

The body of serial bomber lies on the floor, blood still coming out from where their arms would be.

The hooded figure puts down the cover for the piano keys and turns to look at him.

"Vash. Its been so long.", the pale blue eyed man stands up. "I see you're still lugging around that gun."

"Why are you here?", Vash asks, earning a chuckle in return. "For the Plant.."

"I'm taking it back. It belongs to me..or rather, it belongs to us.", Knives says calmly.

"I won't let you! That would be a death sentence for the entire town!", he shouts.

His twin laughs. "Won't let me?", he says, turning his body to face the humanoid typhoon. "Who's side are you on?"

Knives speaks up again before Vash could answer.

"It must feel nice, stunning the masses with your tricks. Collecting their cries of adoration.", then the pale blue eyed blonde walks toward him, stepping into the puddle of blood. "Does their praise cure it? The loneliness."

"Listen to yourself! All these years and you're exactly the same!", Vash yells out, still keeping his gun pointed at his brother.

"How amusing.", Knives says, lifting his hand to touch the gun. "I was thinking the same of you." The tips of his fingers make contact with the weapon and a blue cloud appears around them, and what looks like white cracks forms on the gun as he pushes it down.

Vash's conscience is then plunged into a blue space as his younger self, looking around confused.

"You can't even control your gate yet?"

.

Gasp!

You woke up taking a deep breath in and Kevin nudging you. Blinking rapidly as you sat up, you take in the scene before you.

Jeneora Rock was completely destroyed.

What..? You stared at what was left of the town in shock. Why did you stop me Rem? You wonder, growing angry with the woman.

Then you heard crying, the sound snapping you out of your thoughts.

I'll deal with her later. You thought and stood up, getting your medic bag off of the saddle. I've got a job to do.

Walking over to the survivors, you drop your bag and cup your hands around your mouth. "Bring all the wounded to me! NOW!", you shout, getting everyone's attention. "I need those well enough to go looking through the rubble for any more survivors!"

They all stare at you for a moment.

"Come on people, listen to the medic! LET'S MOVE!", you demand.

The town's folk scramble and do as told, bringing the wounded and a few going towards what was left of the destroyed town. The first one you take care of is the little boy Tonis, frowning when seeing all of his wounds and missing arm.

As you work, you can feel someone's eyes burning into the back of your skull.

Cleaning off blood, having to cut off dead skin or unsalvageable body parts, and stitching people back up is what you do for a good hour or two. Keeping a calm face as you do so.

Their were times where you had to break some bad news, your patient having been dead when or before they got to you.

You cleaned up as best you could, your coat having more blood stains than earlier. Then you remembered the graze that you got on your arm.

"Hey Star boy.", you spoke up, looking behind yourself to find Vash standing there. "Mind helping the medic?"

"Yeah, of course.", he says, going over and kneeling down next to you. "What do you need?"

"Some help with my wound.", you say and shrug off your coat. "Got this earlier today and haven't had the chance to take care of it.", you say and turn to face him after getting the necessary items.

He works quickly to clean the blood off, and you hiss when your wound burns. Then he applies the ointment, making sure to spread it out evenly before taking the gauze from your hands and wrapping it around your upper arm.

"Thank you.", you mumble to the blonde.

His head snaps up to look at you and stares for a moment before looking back at your arm, tying a knot to keep the gauze in place.

"No problem.", he responds.

Then Vash gets up from his kneeling position, giving you what was left of the gauze and making his way towards Rosa. All you do is sigh, feeling sad about what will happen next.

He doesn't deserve that. You think picking up your bag, getting up and also taking your coat.

You hear Meryl wake up coughing as you tie your bag onto the saddle, looking back when Rosa starts to blame the poor blonde for something he didn't do.

Putting on your coat, you grab the reigns and pull Kevin to follow behind as you walk past what's left of the town's people. You stop just in front of one and the pregnant woman holding her son looks up at you.

"Are you satisfied? Putting the blame on someone who tried to save you?"

You leave before she could say anything, feeling too angry and not wanting to do something you might regret or worse.

Doing something that would hurt Vash.

"Hey Star boy!", you call out to him, running to catch up and passing by Meryl, smiling when he stops and turns to face you. "Need a travel companion?"

A smile appears on his face too, not entirely happy but not entirely sad either. You'll take what you can get.

"I'd like that.", he says.

*screeches*

~Seline, the person.

Next: Part 9

Taglist@

@summerdazed @lunar-archangel @+?

ML Vash | ChL Isekai'd

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kennyjustkenny · 14 days

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A candle light only last so long before burning out though no matter how much you try to light it again. In the end there’s nothing left to burn

This isn’t about candles…

#cvtaddict #self h@rm #i want to cvt #baby cvts #cat scratches #cvtt!ng #s3lf mutilation #thigh cvts #s3lf harn #cvtting addict #sorry for being depressing #tw self destructive behavior #depressing shit #tw scuicidal thoughts

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zamdabeetle · 9 months

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: 3

#artists on tumblr #digital art #art #fanart #polka dot man #crossover #the spot #dc fanart #the spot fanart #spiderverse fanart #spider man: across the spider verse #polka dots #the scuicide squad

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ares-in-heart · 6 months

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#self h@te #hate #vent art #tw depressing stuff #tw depressing thoughts #tw scuicidal thoughts #depressiv #self destructive thoughts #girlblogging #mental health #tw sui ideation #self h@rm #self destructive tendencies #self destruction #mentally fucked #mental illness #horror art #vent blog #vent post

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wishful-seeker · 7 months

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Tw suicide mention

I find it interesting that when i talk about the difficulties of my physical disability, occasionally a mentally ill person will act like i am attacking them and i have no idea how hard mental illness is.

I am also mentally ill

I know both struggles

And i wish these mentally ill people could understand that they can go into any building and i cannot

They don't get stared at by every stranger they pass like i do in my wheelchair

People don't uncomfortably shift away from them like people do to me

I have struggled with being suicidal for many years, my mind melting, not feeling like myself, severe panic attacks that lock up my body in painful positions and i cannot move, screeming for 2 hours straight.

I fucking know

But now i am bedridden

I cant use a computer, write, drive, walk, or run. Im housebound, and cannot leave the house alone. I am in constant pain that is so excruciating and intense i have to put ice on my knees 10 times a day and take 4 scolding hot baths a day to achieve 15 minutes of pain free time.

And i have never experienced more discrimination in my life than with being physically disabled.

For me personally, my physical disability is the hardest thing I've ever been through

And there is a clear difference from bedridden from chronic pain than stuck in bed from depression.

And that doesn't mean one is harder than the other, even though for me personally there is one harder than the other.

Until now, i have never shared that my physical disability was harder, because i know people would attack me.

I am not downplaying mental illness, it is incredibly difficult

But me speaking about my physical disability

The ablism i experience

The constant firey pain

Is not an attack on anyone

Its not a competition

Im not here to argue

We physically disabled people just want mentally ill, abled bodied people, to gain some perspective and recognize and respect our experiences instead of trying to force us to be quiet.

You have no idea how hard this is, please respect that. Please respect that a physically disabled person speaking at all is not a fucking challenge towards you.

#tw scuicidal thoughts #ablism #cripple punk #mental illness #physical disability #chronically ill

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twistedoverbloat · 2 years

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Tw: Attemped (but survived) suicide attempt by Yuu

Overblot character: I'LL KILL YOU

Yuu: God I wish you fucking would

Ace:

Deuce:

Jack: Yuu do you- do you need to talk?

Yuu, just bracing for an oncoming magic blast: No.

1st years: yuU NO-

Yuu probably does survive but they're still not okay at all. Please get them therapy also

TW: TALKS OF SUICIDE!! SUICIDE ATTEMPTS!! DARK HUMOR!! PLEASE READ WITH CATION YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!

I know I'm a goofy person but please. For everyone who has been self harming please contact The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. ect.

800-273-8255

Please try and speak with someone who will let you talk about your problems I know it seems hard too but talking about it sometimes makes it better and easier to not do it.

This Yuu worries a lot of people and I remember reading somewhere that death jokes are funny in Twisted Wonderland but they were taboo kinda?

But I feel like it goes like this:

(p.s. I found out I can only make the read more thing on a computer or I'm dumb and haven't figured it out on phone.)

Riddle's OB: When he made fun of their upbringing and family they stopped ace and told him that their family were pieces of shits and they even in courage them to try and kill them self. This Stunned Riddle but he still OB! When he was trying to crush people under the rose bushes they pushed Ace out the way for one and was almost hit if Trey didn't tackle them out of the way. They made a joke when riddle woke up that he would have done them a favor of killing them. He cried and begged them to not think like that.

Leona's OB: I feel like he could relate to being put done by everyone around him. When he OB they got Ruggie out the way and was touched by him they tried to get closer for another one but Ruggie got them out the way. When he came to he saw Yuu with the scars when asked why they jumped in they said they wanted to see if he could kill them. He went off on how they should never do that and they only shrugged. He makes sure to keep an eye on you.

Azul's OB: When he went off trying to take everyone's power he was shocked to see Yuu get close to him. The even jumped in front of a few people so their unique magic didn't get taken away. It worked and Yuu was kinda pissed it didn't kill them. Azul had a heart to heart. I feel like Azul had a harming though and probably had a eating disorder.

Jamil's OB: When they were captured in the room they threatened the guards they would slit their throat is not let out. They had the spoon so they made it sharp and Grim caught off guard screamed for them not to. They knocked out the guards and rushed out of Scaribia to Octavelle. When fighting him they got in front of Kalim since Jamil was about to hit him and they got knocked out and a scar from the snakes of his hair. Jamil got shocked and Kalim used this to defeat him. Jamil had a talk with Yuu about this.

In all the boys would try and help you with your self harming if you did do it there and also the dark thoughts that come with. During this the boys would educate themselves on how to help you not cut or anything but also try and see from your respective on why you do it. They will let you vent on why it started, they would help you get a therapist as well if needed.

With the death jokes some of them would be disturbed and try and not let you make them but some would make them with you.

#tw scuicidal thoughts #suicidal yuu #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland yuu #twisted wonderland x reader

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