#recent actions .... but he brought so much joy into my life and he changed me in so many ways ... sounds dramatic but i can't just leave → | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mac-kd8 · 3 years

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Law x pregnant readers

Waking up, (Name) only felt tired as if she hadn't slept in months. She just blamed it from the late nights of working and nothing else. Not even realizing when she woke up it was already in the afternoon and the Heart Pirates were currently eating in the galley.

With a loud groan (Name) took off her Pj's and walked into the shower, she gasped slightly when the water presser felt a little more sensitive on her chest than usual.

(Name) shrugged it off, thinking it was because she was still healing from the last battle she took part of, so she didn't think much about it. Propping herself next to her captain like she always does, she quietly ate her late lunch while trying to keep her eyes open. Law being the observant man he is, grew quite worried about his beloved wife acting so fatigue. "Are you alright?" Law asked, trying to act he wasn't concerned. She only nodded before face-planting into her food with a loud smack. No one panicked or thought it was something to worry about, guessing (Name) was just having a narcoleptic attack.

Later that day, (Name) was currently laying on her bed while reading a book. Feeling like she was about to throw up, she put down her book next to her and quickly opened the bathroom door. She then puke out all of her lunch and maybe last night dinner as well into the toilet. Wipeing her mouth, (Name) then headed toward the sink to splash some cold water on her face.

Feeling a familiar presence, (Name) then turned her head to where Law was currently standing with a worried expression on his face. "Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, I guess it's just a little food poisoning." (Name) said while scratching the back of her head.

"Alright but let me know when it gets worse."Law stated as he exited the bathroom.

(Name's) heart almost escaped from her chest when the submarine started shaking and yellow lights started flashing. Running onto the deck she could already see a battle taking place with men in white and blue uniforms on one side and men in colorful hats and white overalls on the other side. Unsheathing her twin katanas, (Name) then started cutting one marine after another but for some strange reason she already felt like she was out of energy. 20 minutes into the battle, with a large pant for air she finishes off the last of the marines before wobbling back to the submarine's doors.

"Damn why am I already out of breath, those marines were just small fries. My training methods haven't changed one bit, why do I feel so weak. "(Name) muttered to herself in annoyance.

(Name) only pushed her food around on the plate, hardly nibbling then she looked around the room. Everyone was so cheerful and she couldn't help but smile.

"Not eating much I see." Law commented, leaning over to whisper in her ear. Not like he needs to, over the usually loud noise that the Heart Pirates made at each meal.

"I'm just not hungry." She responded.

"Strange and I thought for someone who was out of breath just by fighting a few marines would be starving." Law stated in a matter-of-factly tone.

"Is it not to your liking, (Name)?" The head chef asked, catching sight of Law's actions.

"It's good. I'm just not hungry right now"(Name) said as she pushed back the plate.

"I'll put it in the fridge until you feel like eating again,"The chef said as he scooped up her plate of uneaten food.

"Do you need to lie down again?" Law asked her again for the third time today.

"I'm okay."

"Could I get some orange juice though?"(Name) sweetly asked the cook.

Then immediately , the crew got back to their usual antics paying no mind to (Name's) odd behavior.

She got to her feet while squeezing Law's shoulder gently. "I'm going to read a book." She said before taking a sip of the juice.

She was hoping that it was simply a case of stomach flu and not something alot more serious.

(Name) was once again in the bathroom and vomiting all of what she ate yesterday, which was not that much. (Name) felt terrible , as would anyone in these types of situations would, however, she still didn't want to bring the matter up. Luckily, Law hasn't woken up from his deep slumber , which made her sigh in relief. Slipping back into bed, she then let her eyelids close as she slept all the way through the afternoon again.

Then that cycle of having no appetite and vomiting lasted for this day as well, which made Law start to worry even more about his wife.

"(Name)!" She picked up her head by the ship's railing in surprise as she heard her name being called by Penguin. Her stomach hadn't seemed to settle, and now she is throwing up into the sea.

She then turned her head to the mechanic, trying her best not to look sick.

Penguin walked up to (Name) getting rather closer, causing (Name) to become nervous.

"You look pale." Penguin commented.

"I haven't been feeling well the last few days Penguin. So I'm probably a bit pale." (Name) stated .

"You're sick (Name)?" questioned Shachi. (Name) nodded her head, however quickly realized what she had brought up.

"I'm only slightly sick, just a little headache. Really."

"You sure (Name)?" Law asked as he walked up to the swordswoman, worried about her health.

She then gave a reassuring thumbs up to everyone to show that she was okay. Though internally, she was kicking herself for lying to the crew, even more so to her trusting and loving husband. The crew soon believed the lie as they continued with their day, however, Penguin, Shachi, and Law didn't seem to be convinced, so they kept an eye on her.

"Damn it, damn it, damn it." (Name) thought as she ran to the bathroom for the third time this week. She still was getting lucky with Law having once again already left their room or sleeping, but she knew that it was only a matter of time before they really began to be suspicious.

"This will pass. This will pass."(Name) kept telling herself furiously as she finished with her recent vomiting episode. She picked herself up, taking in deep breaths trying to settle her stomach. As she looked into the mirror, she noticed that she is even paler than yesterday.

Putting on a brave face, she then walked out of the bathroom and went onto the deck.

"Land ahoy!" Shachi shouted as he pointed at the piece of land.

All of the Heart Pirates gather around the railing in a disorderly long line, and lean over it, while watching the island they were about to dock. They had docked at a unique island well-known in the areas as vicious wild blood thirsty animals live there.

"Yahoo, a new adventure!" (Name) said happily before walking off the submarine's plank. As she got closer and closer onto the island, she felt someone grabbing her shoulder.

"I think it's for the best if you stay back in your current state."Law stated with a worried look on his face.

She only shrugged his hand off. "I'm fine, I feel a lot better today."

Before Law could protest, (Name) had already made her way onto the island.

And then she left, not running, but walking kinda in a slow pace into the forests.

After some time had passed, both Penguin and Shachi had returned after a troublesome adventure with some saber-tooth monkeys. Law was starting to get a little worry since (Name) wasn't back yet, so he went the same direction she walked in.

As Law walked deeper and deeper into the forest he finally made eye contact with the swordswoman. "Help!" (Name) called out as she was kneeling onto the tall grass while clenching her slightly bleeding shoulder.

Law was surprised, (Name) never called for help unless it's something really serious or life-threatening .

Activating his Room he switches places with (Name) while killing the beast in the process.

While Law was carrying (Name) through the forest, she leaned away from his chest so she wouldn't get vomit onto his clothes

-x-

"I'm going to take a blood sample." (Name) nodded as she rolled up her sleeve allowing Law to apply the alcohol onto her skin then inserting the needle. Only taking a tiny amount, Law removed the needle and quickly placed a band-aid on where he poke her. "You can leave, I will give you your results as soon as possible."

She only nodded before leaving the infirmary room.

Law stood there from where he was sitting in shock, not knowing how to feel after reviewing the results of her blood test. It was a mix of happiness, relief, fear and mostly parental love. It took all of his strength not to jump down like a crazy man who just won the lottery, because it was the middle of the night and he didn't want to wake up his crew. When he finally made it to the doors of his room, he put on a calm face and slowly and quietly opened the door. "Hi Captain, so did my blood test turn out good?" (Name) asked casually.

"Yep, it seems that both of you are fine." Law said with a big goofy smile on his usually calm and serious face. (Name) looked at her captain in surprise and in slight confusion, even already knowing the answer. "W-what do you mean the b-both of us?" (Name) managed to stutter out.

"I mean our baby. You're 9 weeks pregnant."

He was in love with (Name), and the idea of her having his baby was ideal to him, but it was still a shock, they'd never even spoken or brought up the subject. He wanted a family, but the idea still scares him. All the memories of his mother and father, and his little sister Lami all stuck to him. Then, the struggles and problems of them being famous pirates with both of them having large bounties on their heads. And all of the struggles that their child will face as well, everything he, (Name) and his unborn child, everything they will face together suddenly hit him in one go.

"Law I'm sorry, I should have been more careful." (Name) said while sobbing.

Law quickly, but carefully picks her up and sits her onto his lap while stroking the spot where their child was growing.

"Sorry for what? Making this the happiest day of my life." Law said before kissing her still flat stomach.

(Name) began to cry more but it wasn't tears of sadness, they were tears of joy. "We're going to be parents. I'm going to be a mom."

"And I'm going to be a dad. " Law said while showering her with even more kisses. (Name) squeaked when Law gently swooped her off her feet and began sprinting across the metal halls.

"What the... Law?!"

"Your shoulder, your shoulder was wounded. You're staying overnight, no, 3 nights in the infirmary. What if the baby got hurt. What if the baby got killed?"Law started listing off the things that could happen to their unborn child.

-x-

"Everyone, we have an announcement!" Law shouted loudly to get everyone's attention who was on the deck.

"We're getting a new crew member." (Name) said while trying to hold back her giggles.

"Oh, that's nice, when can we meet them?" Penguin asked.

"Less than 9 months." Law answered which made everyone go completely silent.

"We're having a baby!" Both (Name) and Law shouted cheerfully.

They were all staring at the expected couple, completely dumbfounded.

Astounded, flabbergasted, shock whichever word to describe their expressions and the tense atmosphere. Law's hand started to turn purple just by how hard (Name) was squeezing his hand.

"CONGRATULATIONS," Penguin and Shachi shouted in perfect unison.

"This is amazing, this calls for a party!" A Heart Pirate exclaimed.

"No alcohol for the pregnant woman though," Bepo smiled warmly at her from Law's side.

"(Name), don't cry, " Law said, reaching around her shoulders to comfort her.

"I know, it has to be the unbalanced hormones. I'm just so happy, this is a new chapter of my life." (Name) said as she cried into Law's chest.

Throughout the day everyone was partying while congratulating the new parents-to-be.

"So who will be the godparents?" Bepo asked.

"We have already decided that Ikkaku and you will be the godparents of our child."(Name) answered. Bepo then lifted both (Name) and Law off their feet and gave them a big hug while crying tears of joy. "Thank you, I'll be the best godfather ever." Bepo said, which made everyone in the Heart Pirates stare in jealousy, especially Penguin and Shachi.

"You guys will make great uncles." (Name)said with a big smile while hugging both of them in her arms.

"Lucky bear." Shachi muttered.

The 2 mechanics' faces turned a deep shade of red when (Name) kissed both of them on the cheek. "Don't worry, there is enough love to go around."

Then out of nowhere, a large explosion could be heard across the deck.

"Heart Pirates, Give up now or prepare to die."A marine holding a megaphone demanded.

(Name) smirked before unsheathing her twin katanas as she got into a fighting stance.

"Do your worst.''She retorted before Law used his devil fruit ability to transport her back into the sub.

Law shut the metal doors, ignoring the loud banging noises that were coming from the other side.

"Law, you ass, I want to fight too. Let me out, let me out." (Name) demanded as she kept on banging her fist onto the metal door.

"No, as your captain and doctor I order you to stay back and let us handle this. You're pregnant, you need to take it easy for now on."Law stated, which made (Name) slump down in disappointment. She hated being useless, she wanted to fight, she wanted to help, she wanted to do something besides laying down and doing nothing.

"Oh great, 7 more months of being totally useless." (Name) muttered under her breath while sighing.

A few weeks later-

(Name) felt like she was already going crazy. She wasn't allowed to do anything and she meant she couldn't do anything. First, the large weights she and Jean Bart can usually lift with ease have been replaced with 5 pound weights and she wasn't even allowed to use them for more than 5 minutes. Law had also forbidden( name) in certain places in the submarine as well, which was almost one half of the metal vessel that was off limits for her.

(Name) also swears, Law has super hearing because when she decides to get out of her bed, Law uses his devil fruit abilities to teleport himself right next to his wife's side.

"Law, go back to work. I'm just getting a snack."(Name) protested.

"Then ask me or someone else from the crew to get it for you. You're still in your first trimester of pregnancy, there is still a possible chance of miscarriages or physical deformities or all sources of possible medical stated as he called forth his room again then instantly a jar of peanuts appeared in his hand.

"Here, take these and go back to our room." Was all Law said as he pointed the direction of where their room was located, as if she was completely clueless of where she had been living for most of her life.

Rolling eyes (Name) went back to her room while munching down on the jar of peanuts on the way.

-x-

When the Heart Pirates docked onto an island, (Name) thought she could get some alone time to herself while getting the necessary items for the future stages of her pregnancy. And it was a good thing too since her pants and shirt had been feeling tight lately. "Bye Captain, I'm going to do a little shopping." (Name) said before she jumped off the submarine's front deck.

"Room, Shambles." Law now had (Name) in his arms.

"What the hell Law?" (Name) questioned.

"I'm coming with you, " Law stated as he tightly held her hand.

"Law, I'll be just fine. It's just a little shopping, I'm barely showing." (Name) retorted while trying to slip her hand from Law's strong grip.

"Nope, as long as you're carrying my child you're stuck with me." Law said, securitly wrapping around his arm onto her waist.

After 5 medical and clothes stores later, Law's arms were both covered in shopping bags while (Name) just carried a single bag with a small bottle of medicine inside of it.

"Law, let me carry that for you. You know I can lift 1000 times my own body weight." (Name) Stated with an annoyed frown.

"I got this, I don't want you to lift even one eight of your body weight. Your-" (Name) then cut off Law before he could finish the rest of this statement. "Yeah, Yeah, I know I'm pregnant and pregnant women shouldn't be exerting themselves."

Smirking devilishly, (Name) came up with a small plan to get away from her overbearing husband.

"Hey honey, I really need to use the bathroom."(Name) said as she pretended her bladder was about to burst.

"Very well."He responded, then they headed to the closest bathroom.

Reaching down in her left sock, (Name) grabbed a screwdriver and began unscrewing the bathroom's top window.

When (Name) was finally outside of the building, she began to grin like she has been in prison for 20 years and just now escaped. She was free, she could do whatever she wanted without worrying about Law dragging her back to their room and making her stay there until the next day.

In a swift motion, (Name) unsheathed her twin katanas and blocked an attack from a familiar mask man.

"Yo... it's been a while, when was the last time we fought together."(Name)greeted, enjoying the weight and feel of her swords when fighting. "Too long and this time I will become victorious." Killer responded.

Killer and (name) have been rivals ever since their crew had first met. The 2 of them will always break into fights everytime when they see one another. But so far they're about even, most of the time their fights usually ended up in draws.

The fight soon stopped when Killer stepped away and put back his scythe blades into its case. "Hey what gives, why are you chickening out now! The fight was just about to get better." (Name) shouted.

"I'm not fighting a pregnant woman, I want to kick your ass at your best."Killer stated while pointing to her slightly rounded stomach. "Damn, I knew I should have put on more baggy clothing."(Name) thought to herself as she tried to cover her baby bump.

"You're a pirate, why should you even care? Pirates do whatever they want."(Name) exclaimed while pouting slightly.

"I may be a pirate but I'm still a man who doesn't like fighting weak women." Was all he said before walking away.

"I'm not weak...fight me, please! Law won't even let me hold a fork. Please, I'm only on my 16 week."(Name)whined as she tugged onto Killer's shirt.

"No, and you look alot more further along than that."Killer retorted which made (Name) gasp loudly of being called fat.

Before Killer had any time to dodge, (Name) kicked him square in the balls which made him groan in pain.

"Meanie!" (Name) spat out before taking off into the forest nearby with small tears running down her face.

"Ouch!"He groaned loudly, laying on the ground while holding his sore nuts.

-x-

Law was pissed. But mostly Law was extremely worried. He couldn't find his wife anywhere, but what really worries him is that the Kid Pirate's ship has been spotted as well.

What if the Kid Pirates took advantage of his wife's current state or even worse killed her on the spot.

No matter how much observation Haki Law uses, he didn't have any lead on where his wife is.

"Captain, we know where she is." Penguin reported.

"Yeah, Killer from the Kid Pirates told us she kicked him in the nuts and went into the forest,"Shachi added.

"And why did she kick him in the nuts, (Name) doesn't usually use low blows?"Law stated with a raised eyebrow.

"Well,"Penguin started off while scratching the back of his head.

"He kinda called her fat." Shachi answered.

In a blink of an eye, Law called forth his room and teleported himself into the forest. Without even trying, Law hears small whimpers coming from the top of a tree so he looks up and sees the person he was looking for all day.

"(Name!)Law called out his wife's name.

"Go away!" She screamed then resumed crying again.

"No, I know I've been a little too clingy lately, but it's only because I want the best for you and our future kid as well. And to be fair, I don't really blame you for running away from me, so that is why I promise you I will try my best to give you your space."Law promised as he kneeled down.

(Name) stopped crying and looked at her husband.

"Okay, I'm coming down now."(Name) responded as she started climbing down onto one branch after another.

She gasps when one branch snaps from her weight and she begins to fall, face first into a painfull fall, and Law swears his heart stops for 5 seconds as his throat hitchs.

"Room, shambles!"

When his wife's stomach was only inches away from hitting the hard ground, she instantly appeared in Law's arms.

"Law, I'm sorr-"(Name) whispered her husband's name.

"That was way too close." He then looked and touched her baby bump gently.

"You're never ever leaving my sight until that baby is out of you. That's an order." Was all he said as he started walking back to the sub with his wife in his arms.

-x-

(Name) found herself laying flat on her back in the medical bay as Law prepared the new ultrasound equipment.

"Damn, that's cold." She hissed when the clear gel made contact with her stomach.

"Sorry," he apologised half-heartedly.

"Usually I would just use my scanning ability, but I think it would be a lot more useful to check in like this."Law stated then he turned on the monitor. He moved the device around her stomach slowly with his eyes on the screen, instantly stopped when he saw a gray blob in the middle.

"There's our child."He pointed to the blob.

As (Name) looked closer at the screen, she cock an eyebrow when another blob had suddenly appeared out of nowhere. "Honey, why are there 2 of them?"(Name) stated while pointing where the 2 blobs were located.

"You're just seeing things, there is no-"Law stopped himself when indeed there were more than 1 blob. "We're having twins."Law whispered so softly that (Name) had to ask him to repeat himself.

"We're having twins. Yes,! Now you don't have to get pregnant again."Law said again as his wife just stood there in shock, not knowing how to process the new information.

"Wait, you're not satisfied with one kid." (Name) yelled at her husband in which he only nodded.

"Great. I already get smothered enough with one baby, I'm sure it's gonna get worse."

"It's now double," his lips formed into a smirk. "For now you're going to have daily instead of weekly check ups. And you're no longer allowed to practice swordsmanship with real swords anymore."

"Excuse me? No way, I've been holding swords since I was only 5 years old, you can't do that." She sat up sharply.

"You lost all of your rights when you started carrying precious cargo. Now you must be twice careful with our little ones." He brushed his fingers against her stomach before kissing it gently.

The more (Name-s) belly got bigger and bigger, the more cautious everyone, especially Law became. In only her 30 weeks of pregnancy, (Name) already looks like she could give birth any day now.

The Heart Pirates were currently docked on a winter island while (Name) only watched from a sideline.

"But Law, I want to play in the snow like everyone else. Please, I've been cooped up in this submarine for far too long."(Name) begged while giving Law the puppy eye look.

"Fine, but you need to bundle up."Law exclaimed.

6 layers of thick clothing later, (Name) walked off the Polar tang's deck with Law right next to her side.

Working on her snow fort for about 30 minutes, (Name) started to feel a sneeze coming along and tried her best to hold it in.

"Achoo!" She then covered her mouth, in hopes Law didn't hear it.

She sighs and doesn't even put up a fight when Law's room incases her, and teleports her into his arms.

"You're going back to the sub, I knew it was a bad idea to let you play in the snow."Law stated flatly.

And once again (Name) was laying flat on her back as she watched Law move the ultrasound equipment around her stomach for the fourth time this week.

"Is this really necessary?"(Name) questioned while pouting.

"Yes, unless you don't want our babies to be healthy. You're now forbidden to leave our bed until your cold has subsided. If you break any of those rules then I will bind you to the bed until your pregnancy has ended. Do I make myself clear?" Law questioned which only made (name) stick out her tongue.

"You 2 need to get out of mommy soon because I can't take another minute with your daddy."(Name) talk and rub to her rounded stomach when Law left the room.

-x-

2 weeks later and (Name) Was finally on her last trimester of pregnancy. "Law!" (Name) shouted his name loudly.

"Yes my darling, is there something you need." Law responded as he headed toward where his wife was currently sitting down.

"The babies are kicking, they're kicking again."(Name) said excitedly then grab's Law's hand to guide him where the kicking was happening.

Then the day when his children would be born.

(Name) woke up in the middle of the night when she felt a warm wet substance in between her legs and soon realized her water just broke.

"Law...Law." She shakes her husband awake.

"Yeah, what is it?" He muttered as he tried to rub away the sleep from his eyes.

"My water just broke."She then yelled in agony after she felt a contraction.

"Shit?!" Law then quickly moves to her side to help her into the wheelchair he had laying by for this day. "Bepo, round up the medical squad, it's time." Law shouted through a den den mushi.

"Whatt, I thought she wasn't due for at least another couple weeks." Bepo shouted.

"Well, the kids have decided to come now!" Law stated.

12 hours of shouting and a lot of pushing later, the first one came out.

"She's a beautiful girl!" Law said before handing the bundle of joy to Bepo.

"Come on just one more push." Law said then he could see the head of the baby.

"It's a handsome boy," Law said before handing the other baby to Penguin's arms.

"Law, what should we name them?"(Name) asked as she panted for air.

"Rosey for our baby girl and Corazon for our baby boy." Law answered, then placed a sweet and tender kiss on his wife's forehead.

"You need rest now, I will take care of them in the meantime."

#One piece #Law #trafalgar one piece #trafalgar law #law x reader #Law x pregnant #Daddy Law #Baby #pregnancy

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marimagines · 3 years

Text

Night Care | Levi X Reader

Between - Levi x Reader

Genre - Fluff, modern!au

Words - 3,990 [kinda short but its cute :]

Summary - You give Levi the care he oh so is desperate for and the sleep that his body and mind demand for. along with that care, you finally get a chance to introduce him to a routine that he promises to follow.

Warnings - none [just a little teasing] and just cute Levi :[

A/n - I came up with this while doing my night time routine and I just had to write. It’s just Levi being a soft baby and I’m here for it :( I hope you all like itttt

It was finally one of those nights when you and Levi would spend time together. His immense amount of work would always keep him occupied even when he’d be home sometimes. It had always distracted him from life or he’d have to ignore many things. Levi was one loyal and devoted person in your eyes. To his work but also his loved ones. No matter how busy he’d be, he had always managed to make time to send you a text or call you and if neither of those seemed like the options, he’d send a voice note of him just talking while his mind and body would be busy with work.

You always appreciated his effort that he put so passionately in everything he did. So whenever you went out or whenever you see him, you made sure that he didn’t have to worry about making you upset with his busy schedule. Thankfully, you always managed to make him smile. Well, you didn’t really have to try, Levi was already so soft and in awe with your entire existence. Everything you did left an impact on him and sometimes he’d just sit back and smile to himself by remembering something about you. Like how you smile when you see him, or how you hug him or how you’d act cute or funny. It was just you. He was soft for you and you could sit silently and he would still feel his heart flutter at that sight.

Tonight, Levi finally checked out of work earlier. He had finished everything that was due today and even managed to finish certain tasks before the future deadlines. You greeted him with a smile and he just went for an embrace. His hands resting in your waist and his face buried in your neck. He groans out when you asked about his day and that was enough to know how exhausted he must’ve been.

“I should have a talk with Erwin to let you off the hook and lessen this mountain of work on you,” you say as you place the food on the table for him, a pout settled on your lips. Levi had only chuckled at your words, clearly knowing the sarcastic tone you speak in. It was cute though. He lowkey would want to see you telling off Erwin.

“That’s just how it is, honey,” he replies softly before picking up his utensils. His eyebrows furrow when you stop him but as soon as he sees that you were going to serve him the food, his expressions soften along with his heart. A smile stretches his lips and he whispers a thank you before you both begin to eat.

Throughout dinner, the two of you share details of your day today or you’d share a comfortable silence. Levi wasn’t one to talk much when he ate so you always made sure to divide the silence and talking to a 60-40 ratio. He probably wouldn’t want to talk so much especially after a long day. But that silence was also filled with sweet eye contact or sweet actions like adding more food to each other’s plates or feeding one another every now and then. Once dinner was done, you sort out the dishes and put away the leftovers along with a mini quarrel of an attempt to stop him from washing the dishes. His defense was that you had a long day yet you still cooked so the least he could do was clean it up for you. You both were neat freaks. Your hearts find peace when things are organized and well put together so whenever one of you offers to do a job of cleaning or organizing, you knew to fully trust each other at that. That’s just how it is and you both were content with it.

Levi was busy drying the plates and utensils while you decided to run a warm bath for the two of you. These nights were the most important nights for you two. The nights you just unwind from all the world and just bask in each other’s existence. Even if you don’t talk or end up napping together, just knowing the other is here and near was more than enough to be grateful for these nights. Some nights you’d end up fucking or making love, some nights you’d take a stroll outside and enjoy the scenery and breeze and some nights... you’d both prefer to spend it in the expanse of your apartment. You anticipated these nights the most. Being able to take care of Levi was something you practically live for.

The sound of the faucet opening pops you back into reality and you smile at Levi who was staring at you with a certain glow in his eyes and his toothbrush in his mouth. As he proceeded to cleanse his face with his face wash, you turned off the faucet of the bathtub and move to take off your clothes. You could just feel Levi’s eyes on you as he was rubbing the product unto his smooth face.

Since you were done with your brushing and cleansing already, you slowly lower yourself into the warm bathtub which was now starting to feel and smell heavenly due to the bath salts and a new product you had purchased a few days back. One of your way of escaping the struggles of life was to go shopping not for clothes or shoes, but for things like candles or mists or body care such as shower gels or bath products. Anything that brought you a sense of tranquility in your soul. And whenever you found something you loved, you’d share it with Levi and sometimes even consider adding it to a treatment or package in your beauty salon. Working in the same place as Levi was always fun but your passion and goal had always been to open up your own makeup studio or a beauty salon and thankfully with Levi’s ultimate support and help, you managed to succeed in that goal of yours. Hence why Levi always trusted you whenever you brought him a product for him to wear though he could never keep a certain routine and only stuck to one moisturizer. Regardless, you were amazing at it. You excelled at it and that’s why you are where you are right now. He was proud of you.

Once Levi was done with stripping himself of his clothing too, he carefully joins you in the bathtub that you somehow made it feel so magical. He lets out a relaxed groan as he dips into the water and you giggle at him from behind.

“Don’t you want me behind?” He asks as he was usually the one who’d be behind but tonight you were the one who was leaning against the curve of the rose gold marble bathtub. Your entire apartment was a mixture of soothing colors of black, grey, white and rose gold. By researching and constantly trying to help your husband with his stress, you decided the house to be as minimalistic and sleek as possible. Too much clutter might make him feel suffocated. And due to your researches together, the two of you agreed to the beautifully neutral and minimalistic designed apartment you have right now.

“No,” you reply softly as your palms rest on his shoulders, carefully massaging them. “Tonight is about taking care of you, Mr. Ackerman.” You whisper and leave a kiss on his shoulder and neck. He lets out another groan at the feeling of comfort and leans towards your touch.

Your hands were caressing his body as far as your arms could reach while massaging him and helping him relax. He was quiet for the most part and you didn’t mind that either. Your baths together were sometimes silent like today’s. Levi was the one who would usually be washing you or caressing your body but today you figured it’s time he receives too. He leans back to rest his head between your breasts, and closes his eyes while your hand was teasing his member. He gasps silently when your fingers wrap around his tip and your hand moves up and down but neither of you had any sort of energy to fuck each other tonight and you both knew that. You pause the teasing when he holds your hand and interlocks his fingers with yours. He simpers silently, a look of cockiness on his face and starts to speak.

“You’re so tiny,” he remarks softly.

“I’m almost the same height as you,” you retaliate at his words, the audacity this man had to say that to you while he was on the smaller scale too.

“Still taller than you, honey.” He boasts.

“By an inch or two.”

“Tch,” he finally lets out his defeat remark.

“Tch,” you decide to mimic him.

“Tch.”

“Tch,” he says as a grin dares to paint his face and you feel it.

“Tch,” you giggle out too. Your expression softens when he kisses your hand, the foam transferring from your hands to his face. You giggle once again and move your hands to wipe away the foam quickly before they enter his mouth.

“This smells good, is it new?” He hums out and inhales loudly, trapping the scent inside his nose. It really did smell nice.

“Yep, I got it recently. It’s from BBW’s aromatherapy line. It’s supposed to help you sleep,” you explain softly while Levi was silently gathering the foam in front of him and watching it. You end up smiling at his cute behavior and then it hits you. Does he really notice all these tiny things you do? “I didn’t think you’d notice this.” You whisper.

“What? I do. You enjoy these things and it brings you joy. Of course I’d notice,” he points out. “You leaving our work to achieve your goal was one of the best decision of your life. I saw your energy change. Seeing how this new work of yours makes you happy and express yourself makes me happy.” He adds as his hands play with yours. He was usually short and blunt with words but he could go on forever if it was you he had to compliment or talk to. That’s just how he felt, he trusted you and felt comfortable with you. You sit silently with a pout and kiss the back of his head.

“I love you,” you express yourself, resting your head on his whole happiness fills your heart. Though these three words weren’t enough to describe the fuzzy and warm feeling he manages to leave your soul with.

Once the two of you were done with the bath, you slip into your comfy night clothes; yours a short baby pink satin nightdress that stopped mid thigh and Levi decided to wear his dark grey sweats with his loose white top. You loved him in that outfit; he always looked so welcoming in it.

The two of you did a lot of things in sync but one thing was almost never in sync... your nighttime routine. You always took your time to apply the products on your face and body before you decide to sink into bed and today was no different. You sit on your long two-seater ottoman which you placed in front of your vanity. Even your vanity was organized. One side was dedicated to Levi; which had his body cream, his perfumes, his moisturizer. That was pretty much it but tonight there were some new products there. When you were out buying and looking at skincare products, you figured your husband should need to start his routine properly and picked up some new products to keep him feeling fresh and protected from sunlight, aging, and just keeping him glowing and looking fresh. You look up to see Levi from the mirror’s reflection, plopping down on the bed, his legs hanging from the edge as he grabs his phone to scroll through it. You were silently hoping this new bath foam you got would work and he’d get some sleep. Levi always had trouble sleeping and you were constantly trying this and that to make sure he got more than 2 hours of sleep. With the look of his eyes and eyebags, you knew he was desperate for sleep but he just didn’t know how to lure himself into that state.

“Oh,” he suddenly says and you look back at him through the mirror reflection. He was sitting up now and looking at you. “Erwin gave us a day off tomorrow.” He announces.

“Well, isn’t that nice.” You smile at him as your hands were busy working their routine of applying products on your face and body; knowing exactly what to do. You never skipped your night routine and your hands simply knew by now what to do even when your mind didn’t.

Your eyes were planted on Levi; you just wanted him to come and do his routine but you didn’t want to bother your weary husband. Before you could even say or do anything, Levi gets up from the bed and walks towards you to join you on the bench; as if he heard the thought in your mind. His eyes centered on the new addition on his side and you suddenly realize what he was wondering. A smile creeps on your face when you notice the curiosity in his eyes, like a child who had entered a toy store or a bird who just left its nest and had the entire world to explore. The little glow in his eyes contrasted the furrow of his brows clearly indicated that this man right here was confused to what each of these did. Sure you had told him before but you knew he’d need more than just one push hence why you never stopped bringing him skincare along with yours. Tonight it seemed like the night you could educate him and use your expertise to convince him why he needs to listen to you.

“It’s for you. All of it,” you clarify and a nod comes from him. You chuckle at Levi when he pops open a moisturizer and moves to sniff at it.

“It smells nice,” he adds. “But I just need moisturizer, babe. You didn’t have to get all,” his hand proceeds to make a circle on top of the dresser as he continues, “this.”

“Yes I did,” you defend yourself. “We are turning old. We should take extra care of yourselves, don’t you think?” You get up and move to stand between Levi’s legs to which he automatically spreads them open to give you space. He looks up at you with eyes observing you. You lean against the vanity, your hands wrapping around Levi’s neck. “I will take care of you, Mr Ackerman, so you can get a tip or two.” You say nonchalantly with a smile. Levi ends up chuckling too since he knew your tone was the same tone you use at work. You grab a fluffy hair band that had bear ears on top and move to put it on Levi; pushing his hair back and revealing his flawless skin. Levi sat there glaring at you but you knew from the glow in his eyes that he could care less about it. You start with the routine as you grab a cotton pad and open up the toner bottle. “First of all, you need to apply a toner to bring back the moisture you lost from washing your face.” You explain as you bend over and come closer to his face while your hand moves to pat his face softly with the cotton. Levi’s eyes were on you the entire time you spoke; you didn’t even know if he was shy or if he was listening or why he was even staring but the entire time, his eyes never left your figure or movements. Never missed the product you used or the way his eyes would fall to your lips as you speak. It was almost as if his eyes were stuck on you. You still continue the routine, explaining each step as you go on, giving him tips he should know like to not rub in products aggressively but to pat them in more, or how he should apply them in an upward direction and avoid the downward direction, and you continuously remind him why each product is important. Levi listened intently and carefully, he knew that you knew what you were talking about but he was more in awe with how powerful you looked being in your element. “And lastly,” you twirl open the cap of a night cream. “The night cream.” You apply the cream onto your ring finger and gently apply it on his cheeks, his chin, forehead and then you grin as you put it on his nose, making a ‘boop’ sound, which causes you to earn a smile from him too. He was sitting there quietly the entire time you almost felt like he was a customer at your salon or like a little child, carefully trying their best to focus on your words or in awe with the knowledge you had. You rub and pat in the product and step back when he clears his throat, signaling that he wants to speak.

“How do I know what cream to put at night?” Your lips stretch into another smile as you hear how genuine curiosity wrapped around his tone. He was too cute tonight.

“It says it on the package, dear.” You point at the two creams behind you and move away slightly to let him see it. His eyes finally move away from you and land on the vanity as he silently nods in understanding like a student finally understanding a math problem. You give his face one final pat before you stand up straight and politely grin at him. “And we’re done,” you start to move away before he grabs your hands and kisses them.

“Thank you,” he says as his thumb gently draws circles on top of your hands. “Do you have coupons?” Your eyebrows furrow at his odd and random question and he elaborates more as he realizes that must’ve confused you. “I want to give it to the kids... Connie, Jean, Eren... you know. The kids.” He stumbles on his words when he notices the smile your face had. He was flustered because he knew that you know how soft he is for his team.

You nod silently and giggle. “Yes Levi, I do have coupons. Make sure you give it to the girls too.” You tease him, emphasizing on the word ‘girls’, as you sit down next to him and go through your drawer to look for the coupons. Levi looks from behind you too but then indulges at his new glowy skin as he pats his cheeks the way you had earlier. He suddenly feels proud of you again and a smirk paints his face as his eyes twinkle at the sight that is you. He notices you hadn’t brushed your hair yet so he gets up to stand behind you and pulls you back to make you sit up straight. Your eyes meet in the reflection of the mirror and before you could ask what he was doing, he beats you to it.

“You didn’t braid your hair. I’ll do it for you,” he leans forward to grab your hair brush and softly brushes your hair back and starts braiding it.

“The coupons are in this drawer. Take as many as you like,” you tell him after a while. He nods at your words.

“Will you do this every night?” He asks with a child like tone that wraps your heart with warmth. How could you even say no to him.

“Do what?” You tease him.

“This, my routine.” You knew he was flustered when he starts using small words.

“No,” you watch his lips quickly drop to a pout and a laughter breaks from your lips. “You have to do it too, Levi. We’ll do it side by side so you know the steps.”

“What if I use coupons?” Another laughter bursts out from your chest at how he tried to get this victory. You were pleased to know he liked it though.

“How about this, I’ll do your night routine for you three times a week,” you suggest as your hand raises three fingers and you wait for a response from him.

“Four.” He demands and attempts to negotiate.

“Three.”

“Four. I only use one coupon per week. You do it three times weekly and fourth would be if I use coupon.” He adds a new deal.

Feeling satisfied with the deal, you nod. “Deal.”

Once you were done with the time of sitting in front of the vanity, you both walk back to the bed but then you remember one last step. Body lotion. You bring the bottle to him and earn a “Tch” from him but he applies it regardless by watching you do it. Levi moves his hand to open up your braid too. It was something you always did, you didn’t sleep with your hair tied but you braid it before sleeping only to open it up after a few minutes. It helped your hair not to go crazy when you lay down. It melts your heart knowing how Levi knew even the smallest details of your routine and noticed things you didn’t think he would. You two share a loving smile as you continue to apply lotion together and joke around or tease each other a little.

“Make sure to take care of your neck too, baby.” You remind him and you both work in sync in rubbing in the lotion onto your arms, chest, legs and neck. You apply your lip balm as usual and Levi shares it with you as you both move closer to perch in the middle of the bed. You two always shared your lip balm for some reason and you never complained nor minded it. To Levi, it made his heart fill up with love sharing your lip balm with you, patting his lips with the surface your lips had grazed over always made him go crazy inside. His excuse to why he did that was that he was too lazy to buy one or open a new one... even after he had confessed to it, he still rarely admitted every time you or someone else teased him about it.

After a while, your bodies were tangled with each other as you lay your head on his chest silently, listening to the rhythm of his heartbeat and basking in the scent of chamomile that you both bathed in and lotioned your bodies with. The scent bringing about a feeling of calm and sleep which was slowly creeping its way up on both of you. You knew the new aromatherapy you brought was working when you realize how sleepy Levi was getting too. He swiftly changes position as he lays on his side, his arms wrapped around your waist as you both move to the embracing position. He pulls you closer, burying his face on your chest right on top of your breast and under your neck and chin as he sharply inhales and relaxes afterwards. He always seemed to love doing that, especially when he was really exhausted or needed to sleep. You could feel the way his breathing was getting stable and the more you played with his hair and gently scratched his undercut, the more he got pulled into sleep. It was like a spell.

“Goodnight,” he mumbles against your skin after a while and pecks your open skin, pulling you even closer towards him.

“Goodnight baby... it’s time you sleep.” You kiss the top of his head as you both slowly fall into deep sleep together.

#snk #shingeki no kyoujin #levi attack on titan #attack on titan #aot #aot imagines #aot levi #levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #levi x reader #aot x reader #snk x reader #levi shingeki no kyojin #levi headcanons #levi fluff #aot fanfiction #aot fluff #snk fluff #snk fanfiction

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tearsofgrace · 3 years

Text

endings are hard... but they aren’t impossible

tldr; the good place fucking nailed the finale, supernatural completely and utterly bombed it.

tags: wc--4.5k, gif heavy, spn meta, the good place, supernatural finale, spn wank, all gifs are mine, if you read til the end there’s a pretty gif

so i recently finished the good place (i was watching w my family and we finally had time to sit down and watch the last season) and god fucking dammit that ending is FLAWLESS. literally flawless.

and because i’m, well, me… i spent most of the time during that hour long finale thinking about how supernatural could have had even a fraction of that and avoided so much heartbreak.

anyways. i decided to compare them. to REALLY compare them. to get into the nitty gritty of why the fuck the good place ending left me feeling, as the finale is all about, sated and complete. and why the spn ending left me confused, lost, broken, betrayed, unable to even enjoy my comfort show at all until a dear friend finally just watched an episode (8.08) start to finish with me.

so without further ado (always wanted to say that) here’s the good place/supernatural finale meta that no one asked for

comedy

we’ll start small. both these shows have excellent comedy. in extremely different ways… but still

in the good place finale, the comedy was perfect. whether it was jason reappearing in the forest, michael trying to get through The Door, tahani reversing the “hot bod” bit on eleanor, every comedic moment was actually pretty emotional and added something to the show. they deepened characters’ meanings, added to their relationships, and made the audience think as much as they made the audience laugh.

in the spn finale… the comedy was the pie gag. the whole sam shoving pie into dean’s face. beyond this being… like meta as hell (the whole prank thing) it doesn’t have any depth to it.

and to add salt to the wound, this “hilarious” thing happens RIGHT AFTER salmondean have a conversation about missing jack and cas that is equal parts flat and infuriating. the brothers, in particular sam about jack and dean about cas, should care more. this is their family. and family is everything to them. but, no, by all means pie dean in the face.

last lines

this one IRKS me. okay.

the last line of the good place "I'll say this to you, my friend, with all the love in my heart and all the wisdom of the universe: Take it sleazy.” “All right.” is ICONIC. okay?

it’s a reference to season 1 that doesn’t feel fan-servicey. it’s kinda honestly emotional cuz it’s like a message to us, the audience. it perfectly completes michael’s arc. it captures the light-hearted vibe of the show while also somehow managing to be poignant. you can see it coming like the second before it happens but it’s also not the obvious choice. it’s just. goddamn it’s good.

the last line of supernatural…. is… “and cut.” not even said by one of j2. i mean i know it’s a meta show but COME ON ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??????????

now i hear you shouting wait but that’s just the end of the thank you message. okay fine whatever. in that case the last lines are “Hey, Sammy.” “Dean.” (i couldn’t bring myself to gif that moment)

i’m sorry but. that’s predictable. that’s obvious. that’s boring. that’s flat. sure, it celebrates the bond between the brothers. but like… that’s not what this show is about anymore. it’s not just about sam and dean winchester it’s about what they’ve created. it’s about the world they’ve saved, the family they’ve made, about how they always keep fighting but nope we get bland, boring, coulda seen ‘em coming from miles away lines for the very end. that’s fine.

montages

the spn finale is like 50% montages that don’t make sense and are poorly done and not emotional

the good place has a montage of michael being human that brought me to tears

timing

here’s another short section. the good place finale was 53 minutes long as opposed to the usual 20 minute long runtime of every episode. granted, the fandom of the good place is very different, but STILL there was no documentary telling the fans things they ALREADY knew (there was a short special after the ep, but the episode itself was still far longer than normal). it was 53 minutes of plot. of really fucking good not rushed plot.

the supernatural finale was… what 36 minutes long?? as opposed to the normal 40 minute runtime?? granted, we did get an hour long documentary of things we’ve all heard in cons and interviews a billion times so hey. take what you can get i guess.

character arcs

this is most of the meat of this meta. one thing we’ve all been harping on a TON is how they RUINED character arcs. soooo let’s go through and juxtapose some character arcs shall we

eleanor

eleanor shellstrop starts the show completely self-obsessed. she died getting hit by shopping carts while picking up margarita mix and let’s be real she’s a total icon. love her to death. she grows a ton, becomes one of the most selfless characters on the show, and starts to actually (jack forbid) CARE about things. it’s one of the most satisfying and relatable character arcs i’ve ever seen.

it’s not just her selfishness either, her character is super multi-faceted and complex, and i feel like even in the end we’re getting to know her better. she’s afraid of commitment, always worried about what others’ actions will do to her, loves the trivial side of life, is queer as fuck (as acknowledged by the show in a way that’s not harmful at all but also isn’t explicitly bi/pan/unlabeled/omni etc, allowing queer fans to see their own identity in her), and is all around a HUMAN BEING. her ending at the beginning of the show was her death. her stupid, trivial, meaningless death where she was, as she puts it, all alone. and her final ending ISNT that. yes, everyone goes before her. and i think that’s purposeful. to show that she’s grown enough that being alone in some sense is okay.

but she’s never TRULY alone. and in the end. the REAL end. janet is there. the whole time. because eleanor asked her to be!! she got over her crazy need for independence and simply asked for help. and eleanor dies an amazing person that has become selfless, has found joy in philosophy while still enjoying trashy content, has fixed her relationship with her mother, and has found a sense of completion. eleanor’s life ends on her terms, and it’s beautiful.

dean

alright. now just as you’re feeling all warm and fuzzy let’s look at dean winchester’s ending. you’ve heard it a million times, so i’ll be brief. dean was raised to be a hunter, a soldier, a killing machine with no feelings and no purpose. he was raised to die scared on a hunt, his life over because of some mistake he made because he will NEVER measure up. at least that’s what john and everyone else told him with the exceptions of some of his family (and family don’t end in blood). he started to accept that he didn’t have to have this. he started to realize that he could CHOOSE what his ending was.

the beautiful thing is, we never truly got to see what that was. i personally like to think it’s similar to the roadhouse michael locked him in while he was trapped in his own mind. a safe place for hunters, somewhere he (and cas in my opinion, but that’s not important) could settle down and still be in the life. it would be an amazing tribute to jo and ellen, and just all around a great ending. he wouldn’t have to be scared, but he wouldn’t have to conform to some apple pie facade of normalcy. and ya know what?? say that he died so he could have peace i dare you. because dean doesn’t find peace until sam is there anyway so i beg of you WHAT WAS THE FUCKING POINT.

dean winchester died scared. dean winchester died on a hunt. dean winchester died on one of john’s old hunts. dean winchester died not directly at the hands of a monster, but at the hands of a mistake. his mistake. dean winchester died without ever working through the trauma of his best friend in the entire world confessing his love in a final act of self-sacrifice. dean winchester died in a way that leaves a sour taste in my mouth and does not at all show the audience what he’s been through and how much he’s grown. dean winchester did not die on his terms, and he deserved better.

chidi

okay back to happy. chidi anagonye. by far my personal favorite good place character (don’t tell anyone i always say jason cuz he and i are very similar). chidi in the last few episodes is SO DRASTICALLY different than the chidi we meet at the beginning. he’s decisive, confident, self-assured, and it’s amazing to see. he’s not afraid of life anymore. he’s not afraid to make the wrong decision and forever alter his reality, because he’s okay with failure.

at the beginning, chidi was so petrified of life that… it killed him. and in the end, he’s completely at peace with every decision he makes, even the final one. yes, he considered staying for eleanor, but that just shows how his moral code and his compassion for others is still very much still intact. it shows the audience that you can be confident and decisive without being a selfish asshole.

chidi leaves the good place knowing that it’s the right thing to do. knowing without a doubt that his time has come. the old chidi never would have been able to fathom being that sure about something. it’s beautiful. it’s a development that can give the audience peace, can show them that this drastic of change is possible, and that chidi became a better person for all of it. chidi went on his own terms, and it was beautiful.

sam

… this one might be controversial… but sam winchester. god i hated sam’s ending. at first i was kinda okay with it. like, okay fine he got his normal life. but, really, in the end that’s not what sam wanted. he started to realize that he didn’t need that apple pie, white picket fence life. he didn’t need the wife and the kids and the backyard and the barbecues because that is NOT sam’s personality and i will throw hands on that.

that’s not to say he doesn’t want some sort of romance, maybe even kids, but not in that way. he lets himself see that he doesn’t need to be defined by his rebellion to john. doesn’t need to be defined by going to college or any of those “normal” smart kid things because it doesn’t fit him. and that’s okay! but how does sam’s story end? it ends with a wife (that isn’t even important enough to show her face). with kids. with a goddamn white picket fence. we think he’s still hunting to some extent… but it’s not the arc we were led to believe would happen. it’s not this amazing leader sam that we see in season 12-14, uniting hunters and organizing them.

he had SO MUCH potential and they throw it away on a vanilla ending that shows only surface level pain at losing his brother. he doesn’t even invite the rest of their family to the wake for fuck’s sake. jared did an incredible job. pls don’t think i’m saying he didn’t. but that script…. sam winchester’s arc was cut short. he didn’t go on his terms, and he deserved better.

jason

jason mandoza. the only character that has ever embodied my complete dumbass energy to the insane extent that it exists. he went to hell for his impulsivity. he never thought before a decision. i aspire to be as reckless as jason while on earth. but he LEARNED. he got better, just like they all did. and by the end of the show, jason doesn’t need to be impulsive anymore. much like eleanor being left “alone,” the show does a masterful job with making him be the first one to go, capturing his old impulsiveness. but he chooses to leave. he takes his time in deliberation, waiting until a feeling of peace, of completion, of well, ‘true happiness’ (sorry cas stans, i’m right there with you) has settled over him.

the ending of his story is one of growth, just like all these characters have been. and the best part? the show makes it comedic in the most poignant and beautiful way, because it’s jason, it had to be funny. we learn that jason has been in the woods for like, eons, just waiting to go through the door because he wants to give janet a necklace. he’s learned to simply wait. to be at peace with… nothing. his torture was being a monk, but in the end, jason embodies those ideals. his arc comes to fruition in an extremely satisfying way. jason goes on his own terms, and it’s beautiful.

castiel

this one is gonna hurt like a bitch. castiel is my comfort character. he’s my role model. he’s me in a lot of ways. i love him. so fucking much. so excuse me if this is slightly incoherent. i’m actually okay with cas’ ending… in a way. because his actual ending as an on-screen character? perfect. self-sacrifice while coming out and professing his love to dean winchester. a little bit bury the gays, but let’s be real, it’s supernatural. and “happiness is in just saying it” has to be the most powerful way to think of coming out. it takes away the fear, it takes away so much of the pain that can follow. because the joy is in just saying the words.

it’s how this was treated on the show that makes cas’ character arc terrible (and we haven’t even gotten to 15.20). YOU CANNOT JUST IGNORE A LOVE CONFESSION. that is god awful writing and i will never change my mind on that. cas deserved his family to care about him. to at least address and be sad about the fact he was gone. jesus fucking christ after everything castiel deserved at least that. and then we go to 15.20. cas is in heaven. cas is serving god. cas is right back where he started. now, i’m coming off a little strong.

if the show had decided to show us cas and jack in heaven makin’ the world a better place… i woulda come around to it. i woulda realized that that’s not REALLY erasing 12 years of character development and cas realizing that his whole identity isn’t just him serving heaven and isn’t just him being an angel and that he’s so much more than all of that and he could still be happy as a human… because really he’s with his son. but they didn’t show us that. they barely even mentioned him. and to me. that counts as a bad character arc. and i’m sorry if you disagree. castiel may have gone on his own terms, but they treated that beautiful sacrifice with disrespect and disdain, plus resolved his arc by putting him back where he started. he deserved better.

tahani

*deep breaths guys this is a long post i’m sorry* anywayyyy tahani!!! we love tahani obviously. let’s talk about her arc, because it always kinda bothered me. throughout the show, we see all the other character’s growing and expanding their knowledge of right and wrong. and, don’t get me wrong. we see tahani grow a lot. but she makes a lot of the same types of comments and shit like that. but it’s how she treats the reactions to those comments. by the end of the show, she laughs at the caricature of herself that the others see. she isn’t looking for vindication in name-dropping, she just does it. she is far less self-absorbed, and is genuinely interested in those around her. she fixes her relationships with her sister and her parents in a way that doesn’t feel forced and actually feels like a beautiful, healthy family reunion.

she has a list and she does everything on it. it’s worth noting, that the things on her list are not at all what they would have been at the beginning of the show. most of them are humble “labor” type tasks, and all of them are in self improvement. tahani’s end on the show is not the same as everyone else’s. she realizes that she doesn’t need to be done. that there doesn’t have to be an end to self-improvement. and she becomes an architect. the writers perfectly embody her transformation from a self-obsessed rich girl who has never done a thing for herself and laughs at the lower-class to a down-to-earth worker that simply doesn’t want the journey to end.

it’s incredible how perfectly the writers were able to close off these character arc’s without it feeling forced, and without ignoring their character development. imagine that. tahani chooses her own way, and it’s beautiful.

jack

jack’s ending may be the only one that i’ve actually somewhat come to terms with. it’s not terrible. it’s not great. but it’s not nearly as bad. because ignoring that awful monologue about every drop of rain and shit, jack really does end up helping people. he ends up doing something that he loves and that makes the world a better place. and he doesn’t lose his personality in it. but. i dunno, that’s still his destiny, right? to create paradise. and this is a show about ripping up the rule book, about choosing free will above all else… so to have every single character just fulfill their destiny is cheap.

still… i’ll try to be unbiased. because really at the beginning of jack’s time on the show, he’s unsure what he wants. and at least, in the end, he’s sure. he has a wisdom that he’s always had but he’s now using. and i’m good with that. but what’s NOT okay about jack’s ending is the lack of on-screen family. jack learns that family is important. sam, cas, dean those are the people he cares about. and you’re telling me he would just NEVER see them again? and be okay with that? i know he rebuilds heaven with cas, but we don’t even get a story about him rescuing cas from the empty. and he seems in 15.19 to not be that concerned about it (after the amazing emotional scene at the beginning). jack should have cared about his family. he did. but they ruined that for him. so jack kline deserved better.

michael

oh man where do i start. michael’s growth is the biggest on the show. i mean. he starts as a literal demon and ends a human. he gets better, he falls in love with humanity (*castiel fan in me sobbing again*) and he chooses over and over to be good instead of bad. his whole arc is a classic redemption arc, and every single beat just gets better. he chooses selfishly to side with humans but in the end it turns out to be the best decision he could have made. because he develops emotions, he develops compassion, he develops a moral compass.

and his end reflects that. because to complete this arc of a demon becoming more human… he literally becomes human!!!! it fits so well. and he’s allowed to make mistakes and be happy and gain all that humanity has to offer. this just shows that human!endgame for cosmic beings that become more human WORKS SO WELL (and it shoulda happened for cas and jack that’s all i’m saying). michael went on his own terms, and it was beautiful.

eileen

oh boy… this one stings. because they brought her back, used her up, and we never saw her again. eileen was one of the best side characters on the show, and they rarely addressed her arc. she comes onto the show as a hunter seeking revenge, and gets that revenge in the same episode. her s15 arc is focused on what’s real and what’s not, with her relationship to sam admittedly being a central part of her character because… it’s supernatural and women can’t exist without that. but still! eileen grows throughout the show and in the end… we don’t even know what happens to her. it’s as if her arc wasn’t important enough to even glance at.

it’s as if the connections the boys make outside of each other mean nothing when in reality they mean everything. they prove that the co-dependency is behind them and that family doesn’t end with blood and that real connections can be formed between people that last a lifetime. eileen was a disabled hunter that was shown to still be one of the best in the business, and they didn’t even give her the courtesy of a goodbye. eileen didn’t go on her own terms, and she deserved better.

janet

this is gonna unbalance my list but goddammit janet’s ending was perfect. she was a not-robot, not-girl that should have been incapable of feelings. but throughout the series we get to watch as she learns first-hand about human emotions and processes them. she cares about the humans in her charge and fights for them on multiple counts.

in the end, we see janet come to terms with both her cosmic being side, and her human side. she never stops being with the “cockroaches.” she sees them all leave, she’s there for them while they’re there, and she also continues to speak her mind and live autonomously. janet was a non-human character done right. she lived on her own terms, and it was beautiful.

some honorable mentions

spn ignored (in the finale) chuck, amara, stevie, charlie, jody, donna, garth, bess, the other angels, claire, kaia, patience, alex, and the list goes ON in favor of focusing on JUST sam and dean. did none of those characters at least deserve a quick goodbye??????

the good place wrapped up multiple arcs i had completely forgotten about in a totally natural and not forced way. mindy, doug forester, (the mushroom guy, i know, it took me a second), pillboy, donkey doug, kamilah, tahani’s parents, eleanor’s mother, eleanor’s friends, chidi’s best friend, vicki, shawn, glenn, simone and so many that i’m forgetting all got satisfying ends that they totally deserved.

they even fucking resolved FROG GUY’S arc and gave him a real frog. that’s right. frog guy (jeff) had a better character arc resolution than dean motherfucking winchester.

heaven and hell

obviously in very different vehicles, both shows explore in depth the realities of the afterlife. and lemme tell ya, at the end of the day, one sits a whole lot better than the other.

the good place finale ends this quest for the perfect afterlife by saying that everyone can improve and that an eternal paradise shouldn’t keep you from eternal rest. they pretty much make me wish that this is what our afterlife looked like. they handle everything with care so it’s balanced precariously in a way that doesn’t give you anxiety looking at it but instead fills you with peace and faith in humanity.

supernatural addresses this series long battle between heaven and hell by creating a heaven where you drive for forty years without seeing the people (cough cough cas and jack not his parents) that matter to you and drink beer that tastes like shit. a place you can’t be happy or find any sense of peace until your brother has died and he’s there too.

and hell… well they barely even address it. there’s a new queen of hell i guess? but so what. it’s still very much heaven and hell in a way that’s the worst and hey plus to them… makes me wanna stay alive thank you very much. oh and purgatory is in shambles and not functioning properly cuz all that eve bullshit.

loose ends

whenever something is ending, you gotta tie up the loose ends. not in a “oh, we must wrap everything up and leave no stone unturned” kinda way but in a ��wow, we should probably try to make this unambiguous because this is the last time we will ever see these characters” kinda way.

the good place does that. so fucking masterfully. all these side plots with all these different characters were taken care of all while focusing on the main six characters. we get to see how their intervention has changed everyone else. for example, mindy’s arc is wrapped up perfectly, with eleanor going to save her.

plus different running jokes like “take it sleazy” are wrapped up, we revisit really old callbacks like the original neighborhood, and all of it feels natural and in the moment. it feels like full circle in a way that doesn’t erase growth.

supernatural, on the other hand, left a million loose ends open. what happened to the boys they saved? where the fuck are jody, donna, etc.? did eileen make it back? cuz sam was pretty upset about that. what happened to it “being loud” in the empty? hell, what happened to the empty? what happened to hell? what about chuck? it woulda been nice to see just for a second what became of him. did charlie and stevie make it (i’m very invested in that relationship)? if we’re taking the original ending… why the fuck is jimmy there? did kansas just all,,, die?

i’m not saying they needed to address everything… but god a few wrapped up storylines besides the brothers wouldn’t have hurt

coloring

can i just… real quick… as a giffer lodge a complaint

the good place has beautiful vibrant coloring in the finale

spn has like bland washed out whatever the fuck that is coloring. it’s not even the dark early aesthetic cuz they dropped that it’s just… ew. so. do with that what you will.

conclusion

first… while writing this i realized just HOW MUCH it’s not about destiel… like believe me. i knew i wasn’t just pissed about destiel. but holy shit it’s not destiel at all like did i even mention destiel that much???? this was never about a ship. this was just a trash finale.

in the end. the good place writers knew what they were doing. they knew their fans, they knew their characters, they knew their world, and they knew how to wrap it up in a way that was satisfying and sad and perfectly fit the tone of the whole show. it wasn’t out of character or rushed, basically every loose end was tied up without the audience even realizing that’s what they were doing, and i feel happy and complete having watched it.

the supernatural ending was a betrayal. flat out. to the audience that has stuck by it in a way bigger way than the good place fandom. to the characters that have helped so many people. to the actors that have given so much of their lives. to the other members of the crew, to certain writers… all of it was just a slap in the face.

we deserved better guys. there are better endings possible. so i’m sorry. i really am. but i guess… that’s what fanfic is for, right?

748 notes · View notes

apixrl · 3 years

Text

YOUR EREN.

eren jeager x fem!reader

WARNING(S): angst. slight manipulation. s4 spoilers. brief mentions of (but not actually) throwing up at the end.

word count: 5.9k

song: a soulmate who wasn't meant to be // jess benko

note(s): oh, that sound? it's just the sound of my tears whilst writing this oneshot. no biggie

The prison cells underneath headquarters were as dark and dreary as ever as you stood opposite them. Whilst the windows were generously large, the night sky was not so giving. Clouds were gloomy and blocked out the moon and stars, replacing it with a heavy downpour of rain. If you listened closely, you could pick up on the faint 'pitter patter' as droplets met the pebbled ground outside, the sound comforting compared to the echoing silence within the walls. Mattresses were placed in the corners of each cell, old and tattered after years of use by many different faces. You could only imagine their discomfort as you'd never been required to sleep on them, your record in the Scout Regiment practically a clean slate after your years of service. You were someone who took your position as a soldier seriously; respected your superiors and did as told when told.

As for Eren Jeager? It seemed in recent events he was past the point of caring.

Such a fact was blatant as you stared at him through the prison bars, your back pressed against the wall, body stiff and fearful of what would happen if you tried to step closer. Eren's gaze was terrifying to witness even from the odd angle you stared at him. His eyes locked on the ceiling as he lay flat on his back on the bed of his cell. His hair had been pulled back into a messy bun, some strands not long enough to reach so far back were fated to live a life of their own. They glued to his temples and forehead and even entwined with the strands pulled back. You couldn't decide if the look was flattering or not.

"I...," You blurted out without thought of what you planned to actually say, your pathetic attempt at making conversation followed up with a nervous whimper. Eren barely inched a muscle when you broke the quiet, from his eyes to his hands that lay lifeless at his side. He remained laid down as if you weren't even there. That made your heart weep in the worst of ways and your mind qualm - to think the last time you were together he was holding you in his arms as you gazed under the stars. And now he could barely spare you a second glance.

"It's been a while since you were last cooped up in one of these cells," You eventually tried again, calming yourself down as best you could by trying to be light-hearted. "Remember when we would play cards through the bars when I could visit? Those were fun times," You smiled sadly at the memories, eyes drifting away from Eren and towards nothing in particular. The smile then faded, the yearn to experience easier days once more hitting you as hard as stone. "If only we could experience them again,"

Your tone lowered, left unhinged since you knew mourning for what was no more was a waste of time. But you couldn't help yourself. All you wanted was to live in the past, where the titans were slane and the Scouts had reached the sea. All you wanted was to live out your days with your friends, talk and laugh with no need to worry about the rest of the world. All you wanted was to fall into Eren's embrace, to love him with all your might as he did you. There was a short period where that was your life, one filled with simplicity and peace after years of blood and death and gore that haunted your every nightmare. It had been pleasant, and you missed it. More than you were willing to admit.

If only Eren hadn't pushed things too far.

Eren's eyes shifted after a prolonged silence, travelling from the ceiling to you across the way. He was quick to take note of your vacancy, your conflict as you stared at him. How you created your own form of a jail cell by restricting yourself to the opposite side of the room. Maintaining a safe distance like you sensed you would get hurt stepping too far. Eren sighed loudly at that fact. Which caught your attention, E/C eyes flicking back to him at the sound. Eren pushed himself upright, eyes leaving you to stare at the floor before he hoisted himself off of the bed. Then, he turned to face you, searching for you through the wisps of his unkempt fringe.

You held your breath when he did, unable to fathom just how uncomfortable his gaze made you feel. Typically, Eren looking your way would send butterflies to your stomach. Your heart would perform somersaults and beat soundly with joy. Your cheeks would heat up, to which he would smile and tease and call it cute - merely deepening your flustered state like it was some fun game.

But this time, upon him meeting your gaze, nausea swiftly followed after. Rising concern over unconditional love based on his expression alone. It was empty. Unreadable. Nothing you had ever seen him display before. You had witnessed most if not all his worst moments up front but none of them - none of them, came close to just how desolately devoid he looked in that moment.

His lips didn't twitch, firmly held together as they added to his glaring aura. His brows arched sterner than Captain Levi's when you failed to clean a room up to standards, you didn't think it was possible for them to be so closely knit. But the worst part that made you truly sick to the stomach at the unfamiliarity of it all, were his eyes. Their usual bright and gleaming jade green blend that had entranced you from the instant you met Eren were now bleaker and more stationary than ever. They no longer held a zest and determination that motivated you to fight another day, no notable twinkle against the dimly lit room. Only a barren vacancy the most broken are succumbed to display.

You felt the need to comment on it, communicate to Eren just how worried you were. That you wanted to help him because you cared about him more than anyone else in the entire world. You were willing to lay your life down for him, and had even nearly become an anonymous number in the ranks because of that sheer will alone. However, before you had the chance to open your mouth, Eren beat you to it.

"Did Hange send you down here to try and sway me?" Eren asked half-rhetorically, taking a couple of steps forwards until the bars of his cell stopped him. "You of all people should know you can't stop me, so why even bother?"

You were taken back by his bluntness, even more so by his disregard for your previous words. Like you had never said them in the first place and he was the one initiating conversation. Perhaps it was so Eren felt he had the control, asserting dominance in a relationship where he already held more than half of it. His aim was unclear, but you persisted nonetheless.

"No, they didn't," You said. "I came here on my own accord, Eren," You shrugged your shoulders aimlessly. "I wanted to see you. I-I've missed you," Eren's eyes narrowed in suspicion, studying your frame for any sign indicating you were lying. He came out with no clear answer as from the instant you had set foot in the room you'd been shaking like a lamb bleating after its mother. Afraid. His arms crossed over his broad chest still in doubt, the action reminding you just how much he'd changed over the last few years. He was taller, looming over you even whilst feet apart. He was no doubt stronger, evident with or without the fact he held the power of three titans within him. Eren was no longer the vigorous and unruly boy he once was, who devoted his strength to rid the world of all the titans. He was now an indestructible force that vouched for freedom, his will to fight unshaken by no one.

"If you missed me so much," He started, looking down at you with what only felt like shame. "What took you so long to visit?" Raising a brow, you realised he held a point with his inquiry. If you proposed you missed him why hadn't you visited? The truth was you were scared of who you would find on the other side when you did. Levi and Hange had given you the option since the first day Eren was placed in his cell. But no matter the undying need to have Eren in your line of sights again, you failed to find the courage to make that final step.

"I wanted to, I-I really did," You said in a panic. "I was just scared! I didn't know what to say or how to speak to you after... after...,"

"After what?" Eren reprimanded, glowering at you as his hands wrapped around the iron bars. Your eyes widened and you whimpered, shaking your head frantically as a means to apologise.

"N-No Eren. I didn't mean it like that I just -," You swallowed thickly, your breathing quickening as Eren's pressing stare intimidated you more and more by the second. You hated how much you were falling apart. Where had your Eren gone?! Your Eren who always fretted over you during and after battles. Your Eren who grew antsy at Jean or Connie if they got a little too comfortable in your company. Your Eren who snuck into your room past curfew to share stories of his life late into the night. Your Eren who crammed his lips on yours when he couldn't hide his feelings any longer, confirming your relationship would turn from friendship to deepened love. You missed your Eren. You wanted your Eren back. Was that so much to ask?!

"You just what?" He spoke harshly, impatience riddled within every letter and syllable. You were quick to notice his grip on the bars tighten to the point you thought he'd snap them clean in two.

"I...," You trailed off, finishing your cut sentence with a defeated sigh. Your hands lowered to your sides as your head hung forwards. Perhaps being upfront with him was the only way you could go. "You killed people, Eren. Innocent people that hadn't done anything wrong! You ate somebody. Women, men and children crushed under debris like they were nothing. Y-You... you made Armin destroy that port and your decision making got Sasha killed!" You brought a hand to your forehead, not realising how distressed you sounded as you recalled that night. Tears started forming in your eyes, lip trembling. "Shit! I nearly... if Jean hadn't shot that Marley soldier first then I would've...,"

You had experienced a rocky start during the raid on Marley. One of your biggest flaws as a soldier was your will to take another life. Life as in... a human life. You despised the concept and did everything in your power to avoid it all costs, even if your fellow soldiers disagreed (especially Levi's, who persisted humans could be just as bad as titans when it came to killing). That exact flaw came forth when you first encountered a Marleyan soldier, and your hesitation almost ended with a bullet between your eyes. Had Jean not been behind you just in time... your grave would have been undoubtedly determined. There was a time where Eren was the same as you, never wanting to act and inflict harm on other humans. But times had changed since then. Oh, how you hated how much it had changed since then. None of it was fair.

A silence ensued, your stifled sobs the only thing willing to break it. Eren watched you motionlessly, the glare still apparent on his face as your emotions got the better of you. You hadn't realised just how shaken up you were from what happened. Sure, you had faced death many times, but always at the hand of titans. Where you had to evade giant swooshing limbs and teeth that could churn your flesh as cows do cud. Never had you looked another human in the eye and watched them contemplate killing you. To aim a gun directly your way and prep the shot as you realised what their intentions were. Then a feeble attempt to escape approaching death, all too distracted with your life flashing before your eyes for you to see the way out. That was one of the scariest moments of your life. You never wanted to endure it again. Never.

"Come here,"

You stiffened up, looking at Eren amidst dishevelled strands of H/C hair falling over your face. His glare had left and his face had returned to its neutral state, his eyes boring into you with his demand lingering in the air. You wiped your nose on your sleeve as well as your eyes, confused by the abrupt change in atmosphere. A truly weird circumstance and turn of events you weren't expecting indeed. At first, you weren't sure doing as Eren said was a smart idea, having heard Hange's experience with him during a debrief. You didn't believe Eren would treat you with the same sort of disrespect, but you also didn't want to take that risk just in case.

"B-But...,"

"Just do it," He roughly snapped, suspense in his tone kicking you up the hind to move. With a yelp, you pushed yourself off of the wall - back sighing out in bliss after starting to ache because of the uneven rocky surface. You gingerly stepped towards Eren, biting down on your lip to stop it trembling in fright. You came to a stop once close enough to the iron bars, hands going to wrap themselves around them, around the same ones as Eren. Whether you intended for that or it was just subconscious instinct you didn't know. Finally, your eyes dropped to the floor, lost on where to focus. Eren hummed a complacent sigh at your actions, head tilting to the side as he looked you up and down. You couldn't find an answer to what was running through his mind, blank gaze concealing all form of emotion and clarity. Then, just as you thought the silence couldn't grow any more powerful, Eren lifted his hand and reached out for you.

You gasped at the sudden contact, the feeling of Eren's hand cupping your face sending all sorts of sensations through you. His palm was warm despite the cool air of the prison cell. It was as though his hand was constructed to cradle your cheek, moulded into the perfect structure to which you filled in the empty spaces. His hand felt soft even after years of wear and tear of fighting and training, fingers long but not at all discomforting. You had forgotten just how pleasant the feel of Eren's thumb across your cheekbone was until he initiated the motion, almost a way to lure you in. And with your deprivation of his touch - of him. That was enough to have you wrapped around his finger.

"I forgot how nice it was to hold you like this," Eren declared monotonously, though his expression betrayed his lack of care. Something about it had calmed, but he didn't allow it to stay for long, gone so fast that if you blinked you would have missed it. You inhaled deeply, head tilting to the side as you nuzzled into his hand. Seeming satisfied with that, Eren proceeded. "That and just how easily you melt under my touch,"

"Eren," You uttered no louder than a whisper, eyes closing tight as you welcomed his touch. You despised how much he was correct, that you became putty without him even needing to try. That was the impact of love, after all, it makes people act in crazy ways and do some incredibly crazy things. But you couldn't ignore the odd funny feeling still pitting your gut, begging you to stop falling to Eren's will before it was too late. You couldn't get carried away, he had committed obscene criminal acts without jurisdiction. That was more than enough to get him locked up for life, regardless of the war you were fighting. You should be disgusted by his actions, his corrupted thinking and the way he went behind the Military's backs to further his own idea of freedom. You were disgusted.

But you also loved him. Way, way more than you were disgusted.

A frown merged onto your face, blending awkwardly with the once peaceful content that Eren noticed as fast as it appeared. He managed to figure out the thoughts running through your mind also, the young adult lamenting a sigh and he opened his mouth to speak. Not before his hand drifted down to your chin, tilting your head up to make you look at him. His thumb planted on your bottom lip as he grazed over it.

"I'm trying to build a future for Eldia, Y/N," Eren spoke firmly, your heart having a brief elation to the way he said your name. It had been far too long since you had heard him say it. "A future for us, where we can be free and live our lives the way we want to,"

"I know," You began, eyes opening to meet Eren's. "But there are other ways, Eren. More humane ways. We don't have to kill anymore if we just-,"

"There isn't another way," Eren interrupted, his ministrations of stroking your chin coming to an abrupt halt. "We've tried other ways and they haven't worked," Eren evaded your disheartened stare. "I'm sick of it not working,"

"We all are, Eren. Stop making out that you're the only victim here," You paid no mind to Eren's reaction. "We're all victims of this shitshow that's our reality, and we're all just as much the culprits of it as well! All w-we do is fight fire with fire and add more ashes to the pile with each person we slaughter," You felt your grip tighten on the bars, gritting your teeth harshly together. "I'm sick of all the violence and suffering! I just want to go back to the days when we could be at peace. Where we could laugh and joke because the main problem - the titans, were dealt with! I became a soldier to fight titans, not to embark on an endless war where both sides are human and neither is willing to cooperate with the other,"

"Those days are gone," Eren spoke sternly, though it softened up when he noticed you look away. "But they can return," He pressed his forehead against the iron bars, staring at you through deadened eyes. "We can live a life of freedom together once I finish what I started, all I need you to do is stay by my side and to have faith,"

Your eyes widened, gawking at Eren with complete and utter disbelief at his words. His persistence came off like the cruellest of sicknesses, corrupting Eren's mind to the point of insanity. His moral compass was in shambles as was his sense of humanity. The way his eyes were numbed right down to their pupils, blinded by his visions of a future for Eldia that came with the cost of the rest of the world's suffering. It pained you to witness such a change, to witness Eren's descent into madness as war took over his every thought and breath. Suddenly that foreign feeling in your stomach became clear as day, and you abhorred it with a deadly passion.

"I don't want to be free in a world built on other people's suffering," Your hands fell down to your sides, heartbeat racing as you avoided Eren's gaze. He quirked a brow, eyes piercing into you once he realised what you meant, and his chosen tone suggested he didn't like that one bit.

"What are you trying to say?"

You faltered, both as a mental brace and a state of refusal to your next actions. A second or so passed before you took a step back, creating a distance that did more damage than healing. With a shaky breath, you answered his question.

"I love you Eren, with everything I am. B-but I can't stand by your side if this is the path you're going to take," The tears were already brewing, doing everything you could to blink them away. "I won't sit by and watch the rest of the world crumble because of your selfish desires,"

You hated the words you were saying, how you said them and who you were saying them to. That it had all come to this, where Eren became the threat to humanity rather than its saviour. He only had so much time left and had you known that his way of spending it was to spiral the world into chaos - perhaps you wouldn't have grown so attached.

"I can't - I...," Since he hadn't said anything, you felt the urgency to speak. "Eren you have no idea how much I want to but this isn't how I saw our future -,"

"What future?" Eren persisted, not giving you a chance to reply. "Eldia has no future within the walls, these cages! It's time we give the world a taste of its own medicine, so what if a couple of lives are taken out on the way? It's not like they give a damn about ours," Eren scoffed when you shook your head, tears pricking at your eyes and the stinging sensation that came with it was painful to deal with.

"Please, Eren. Think about what you're saying," You pleaded and begged. But you knew it was no use, Eren too fixated on his 'destiny' to see logical reason. Merely the look in his eyes was proof enough to tell you that. "What happened to you? When did you become so heartless? Where's the Eren I knew all those years ago gone? Don't you miss it back then? When we weren't cheating death and we could simply be us? Be two dumb teens in love and the only thing that mattered was that love we shared? Do you even think about that anymore? About me? What about -,"

"Stop it," Eren stopped you, voice acting as a silencer to your blubbering drabble. Flinching at the interruption your mouth clamped shut, and your eyes darted for Eren in surprise. Despite locked behind bars, you were still terrified, and it felt more like you were the prisoner of the pair. With a low growl, Eren raised a clenched fist and thrashed it harshly against the bars. It made a low but loud 'thunk!' sound that hit your ears like impending doom, deafening all around you excluding that of Eren and the words he uttered next. "I'm sick of listening to you whine about shit that's not even important,"

"W-what?" You stammered in question, voice unsteady. "What do you mean it's not important?"

"Do you really think that amidst all of this I have time to be playing boyfriend?" Eren half-mocked. "I've got bigger priorities than you right now," He didn't look you in the eye, nostrils flared as his gaze lingered on the floor. Your legs nearly gave way at what you were hearing, each word a fatal stab to the stomach. Each stab even more malicious than the last. So that was it? You didn't matter anymore? Were you just some pawn in Eren's plan until he didn't feel he needed you anymore? Had his love ever been real or was it all a hoax to manipulate your every waking thought?

A minute passed of still silence, one of the many that evening. Your eyes never left Eren, searching for something to indicate he was joking. As well as contemplating pinching yourself in hopes you woke up from this horrible nightmare. Maybe you'd wake up in your Eren's arms, safe and secure as you lay beside him - his gentle breaths from deep sleep tickling the back of your neck and helping you forget the entire reason you woke up. But sadly, no such thing happened. You never woke up from anything but were instead left to face an Eren you barely knew anymore. Endure the pain as he pounded words into your head that gashed crueller than the worst of war wounds.

Realising this, you felt an urge to laugh, unsure what else there was you really could do. Crying was ineffective, and there was no way you could let Eren get the better of you. That's probably what he wanted anyway, for you to turn around and beg on your hands and knees. So as your hand met your face, you released the smallest of chuckles, lacking in humour but overwhelmed with an unforeseen emptiness. It definitely caught Eren by surprise, but he was fast to not hide it as he pressured that vacant stare onto you yet again.

"You insist your plan is the only way to get us our future, but I'm not even sure what future you mean anymore," You hesitated, trying to gain control of your lip which began to quiver erratically. "Clearly it's not the one we imagined together when we were younger,"

"If only you weren't so blinded by your emotions," Eren avoided your words, something you noticed and felt more agonised by than relieved. "Stop thinking with your feelings and see the logic, already. It's so annoying,"

Almost choking on the sob you tried to hold down, you bit down harshly on your lip - any harder and you probably would have drawn blood. You did everything you could to ignore Eren's words, but you were so hurt that you were losing the means to do so.

But you couldn't let his words consume you and manifest them into truth. You had to be strong, use whatever power you had left to regain your composure and come out the bigger person. Eren had always been a stubborn brat, Levi's nickname reigning true now more than ever.

"Use your head and think, Y/N," Eren spoke slowly, leaning his weight back onto one foot. He stretched his arm out towards you, held out for you to take. "Maybe if you stop caring for those that'll just kill you off for sport you'll actually comprehend why you're following the wrong cause,"

His words were suffocating and barbaric, not at all inspiring or persuading in the slightest. It didn't make you feel hopeful, it made you feel trapped. All you wanted was for it to stop. It wasn't love no matter how much you adored him. It wasn't healthy no matter the good memories you had shared. You had to stop the past messing with your head. You had to stop Eren messing with your head. You wanted to get out and escape. You needed to and as soon as possible. So, taking a moment to regain your composure, your hands raised to adjust the collar of your jacket and you looked over at Eren. An apologetic expression on your face for deciding to cut the visit short.

"I think I should... should go check on Armin and the others," You started, not sure what Eren would make of that. He appeared to show confusion, blinking once your words processed and frowning based on how sudden they were.

"Why would you need to do that?"

"They've been busy, and they're probably looking for me," You made up on the spot. "I didn't tell them I was coming to see you," Eren was silent, eyeing you up and down before he scoffed.

"You know I can tell you're lying, right?"

"W-Why would I lie?"

"For the same reason all people lie," Eren said. "To avoid what you're too scared to face," The way Eren spoke made everything feel much, much worse. A heavy amount of disrespect originated from this new flesh of conceit that Eren displayed on full. He had always been one to boast, but never in the form he showed in the present.

Listening to his slander any longer was something you simply couldn't handle. Not today, anyway. Fatigue was starting to claim control over your thought process, emotionally drained from talking to Eren. He had selfishly left you in a constant state of confusion and agony, making you ask yourself more questions than answering them. It utterly and totally sucked, being honest, and you had no clue where your relationship stood. Was it over? Were you still even together? Had he even seen you both as a couple this entire time or was it all just a big lie?

"So what were you trying to avoid when you spent all those months lying to us?" You were tempted to leave without another word said, but you knew you'd regret not asking your question. Which had popped into your head at the last moment as you pondered on Eren's words. Using them against you seemed to strike a nerve, as when you expected Eren to talk he did no such thing. Instead, he glared at you for being caught out, prompting your next words to follow. "I'll... I'll see you later, Eren,"

And with that, you started walking away.

You did everything in your power to not look back, focusing your gaze on the exit that was a little way ahead. Eren's stare etched itself into your back on the way out, leaving an even deeper wound than before which would probably scar for sure. Your footsteps dragged across the floor like you hauled twice your body weight behind you. Walking upstairs had never been such a demanding challenge before in your life. To think that you possessed the energy to traverse the walls but absolutely none to conquer thirteen mediocre steps.

You made it around ten steps up, just about to reach out for the door handle - when Eren's voice finally filled the room again. It brought your rushed exit to a halt with ease, much to your dismay, and what he had to say did nothing to help your situation.

"Who's to say I ever lied?"

Your heart both soared and sank at the same time, the conflict in your head skyrocketing as your thoughts drove you mad. What did Eren mean by that? Lie about what exactly? It was the way his words were always so devoid of clarity that hurt the most. The brunette was exceedingly blunt yet always left you inquiring more, prying further until it was too late. A mind game that pulled you in and kept you playing. You admittedly almost swayed.

But so close to the door, your hand wavering in the air just begging to open it - it was enough to prevent such a thing a happening. You knew if you headed back it would be the end, you would somehow get more hurt than you already had. It was a risky move you didn't want to place your bets on, you had come too far to be foolish.

So taking a deep breath you reached out for the handle and gripped it tight. You turned the knob and braced yourself to leave, blocking Eren from your mind as you lifted your foot to the eleventh step. Then the twelfth. Then the thirteenth, and finally onto the floor above the jail cells.

Closing that door behind you felt like the freshest of cleanses, your body sighing out in relief when it clicked shut.

Sadly though, you didn't have time to celebrate. The whole encounter surely caught up with you, as did the tears you had been saving for when you were finally alone. Just like they guaranteed, the hot, salty liquid singed the corners of your eyes and the tears returned. Before you could do anything, a cry broke out and you staggered until your back hit the door. The hinges jolted loudly, most likely attracting the attention of someone nearby. Whether it be a guard around the corner or one of your friends in search of your location. Maybe even Hange or Levi coming to check up on you. Whichever it was, they were in for a shock.

Your heart raced with anxiety, mind and body overwhelmed by inner turmoil that made you sick to your gut. The nausea was so bad you had to hold your stomach with your spare arm, fighting the urge to violently vomit all whilst controlling your reckless sobs that didn't cease their slander. Your vision went blurry from how much you broke down, unable to blink the tears away no matter your efforts.

Fearing the unknown had always been a part of who you were. But had somewhat simmered down as you grew older and developed mentally through being a soldier. However, all that progress reversed in an instant as your mind flashed back to the thought of Eren. How someone who used to possess so much passion now resorted to an empty vessel. The way he admitted to your insignificance with such little struggle, only to proceed to confuse you even more by implying he had never told a single lie. Was he even talking about you when he said that? Or something else completely unrelated?

A little bit of confirmation wouldn't hurt anybody.

It was odd to have Eren be the reason for your tears after so many years of him typically being the one to dry them off your face. Though thinking about it, he had been the leading cause for a lot of things as of late. The number a very concerning amount indeed. You barely even recognised him anymore. The once caring soul you fell in love with was no longer there, replaced with a man who had discovered the bittersweet lust for power based on a corrupted idealogy. Such a ruthless lust that it no longer mattered how that idealogy came to be, just as long as he managed to taste an essence of it.

You hated it. You hated that of all people it was Eren who tumbled down that drain. How did you allow yourself to fall in love with someone so possible of committing such atrocities? To worship him and give him everything you had, only to be told it was all for nothing and you were fighting a losing battle. You knew it was hopeless to hold on and believe that your Eren might return but at this rate that seemed unattainable. Not after witnessing him firsthand. The only thing left now was to move on and pray the world was on your side.

Part of you didn't want to move on though, so familiar with Eren as your crutch that a world without him sounded terrifying. You had grown so used to his presence in your life that all of this still felt so surreal no matter the fact you were very much living in it. Living in an endless hell that never allowed anyone a moment's peace. Not you. Not even Eren. Not a single human being on the planet. Nobody.

Just... where along the line had it all gone so painfully wrong?

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyoujin x reader #aot x reader #snk x reader #eren x reader #eren jeager #eren jeager x reader #x reader #angst #eren yeager angst #eren yaegar #eren aot #eren fic #eren yeager fic

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calwrites · 3 years

Text

Fearless

Prequel to Don’t You

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x reader

Word count: 4.5k

————————

“Looks like it finally stopped raining.”

The murmur of the coffee shop was replaced by the sounds of the city as you followed Sebastian outside. The humidity seemed to hit you like a truck, making you miss the air conditioning you had just left.

“Finally. I thought I was going to be stuck in that coffee shop with you forever.” You laughed at the faux offended look on Sebastian’s face. “That’s what I get for not checking the weather.”

“Next time I’ll let you wait out the rain by yourself,” Sebastian threatened. His grin made the corners of his eyes crinkle a bit. Had they always done that? Had you just never noticed before?

“At least then I won’t have a bunch of teenage girls taking pictures of me the whole time. They’re scary. How do you deal with that all the time?” It had been disconcerting to have the group of girls staring at you and Sebastian as you sat and chatted. For a moment, you had thought you were crazy when you noticed them looking. The first thought you had was that you had something on your face or needed to fix your hair, but you realized why they were so focused on your table when they walked over to ask Sebastian for pictures.

Sebastian let out a sigh as he shrugged. For a second you were worried that you had said something wrong. “I just try to ignore it most of the time. I’m polite if they come up to me. I’d rather they like me than hate me.”

“I’m sure you have lots of stories. You’ll have to tell me sometime.” Your eyes widened when you realized what you’d said. What if he didn’t want to see you again? “I mean, if you’re staying in the city long. I’m sure you’re really busy.”

“I’ve got some promo to do soon, but I’m not filming again for a few months. I wanted a bit of the break.” Sebastian waved his hand. “Let’s not talk about my work. What about you? You taking the business world by storm?”

“Well I did just get a raise, so now I can almost afford my rent, groceries, and student loans.” The joys of living in New York City.

“Ah sounds like everything’s going well then. Are your parents still around?” Your parents had basically fallen in love with Sebastian when they first met him freshman year. A group of your friends had come over to your house for a movie night and Sebastian had insisted on staying to help you clean up after everyone else had left. Your mom had spent the next few weeks not so subtly dropping hints that she thought you should date him.

“Yeah they’re still in Jersey. They tried to convince me to move in with them, but I told them I didn’t want to have to commute into the city every day. Of course, that set them off about how that’s what they’ve been doing my whole life because they didn’t want me growing up without a yard or whatever.”

“So it sounds like they haven’t changed much?” You shook your head slightly to force yourself to stop watching Sebastian as he laughed.

“No they have not.” You bumped your shoulder against Sebastian’s gently. “They’re your number one fans, you know.”

“Oh they are?” His eyebrows raised in surprise, and he was already fighting a smile, no doubt waiting to hear what embarrassing things your parents had done since high school graduation.

“They see all of your movies in theaters.” Multiple times, but you didn’t want Sebastian to think they were weirdos.

“Even the bad ones?”

“Even the bad ones. I did tell them that they aren’t allowed to buy any of the Bucky dolls.”

“They’re action figures.”

You rolled your eyes, but found yourself matching Sebastian’s smile anyway. “Whatever. It’d be weird seeing a mini version of you at my parents’ house. It’s bad enough that they still have a bunch of high school pictures hung up.”

“My mom does too. She’s going to be so excited when I tell her that I ran into you. You were always her favorite of our group.”

You stopped suddenly, grabbing Sebastian’s arm. He looked a little alarmed, but you ignored it. “Are you serious? I was always so scared of her. This is the best day of my life.” You had met Sebastian’s mom a couple of times throughout high school, but had never been able to tell whether or not she liked you.

“Scared of her? Why? Because of the accent?”

“The accent didn’t help, but really it was because she’s hot. That makes her intimidating.”

Sebastian groaned and pulled a face. “No. You can’t think my mom is hot. That’s not allowed. Take it back or I’m sending your parents all of the Bucky dolls I can find.”

“It’s not like I wanted to bang her or anything. I just think that she’s an attractive woman. Which makes sense considering how attractive you are.” Your mouth snapped shut. You weren’t sure who was blushing more, you or Sebastian. “Let’s forget about this whole conversation.” Sebastian laughed slightly and nodded.

It was silent between you two as you continued your walk through the streets. You weren’t really sure where he was going. You were heading to your car, but you couldn’t tell if Sebastian was also going somewhere or if he was just following you. If you had looked up, you would have noticed that Sebastian was watching you carefully. But you didn’t look up. Your eyes were on the pavement, watching the glow of the lights in the reflection from the rain.

“Do you remember that poster that was in our English class freshman year?” you asked suddenly. Sebastian’s brow crinkled slightly as he tried to remember, but then he followed your gaze to the glowing pavement and smiled.

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” The two of you laughed slightly as you remembered your slightly eccentric teacher. “We made fun of that poster so much.”

“It was a stupid poster. But remember it was raining when we were leaving the homecoming dance freshman year and we started dancing in the parking lot-”

“And all of our friends thought we were crazy,” Sebastian finished. “To be fair, we were crazy. That was probably the most fun part of the dance though.”

“Are you saying that I was a bad date?” You gasped and brought your hand up to your mouth as if Sebastian had offended you. Both of you dissolved into giggles.

“I’m saying that I was probably a bad date. I was so awkward. I had such a big crush on you.” Sebastian rubbed his neck uncomfortably. You definitely didn’t notice how the action made his arms look.

“Wait really?” This was news to you. You had always kind of assumed that Sebastian didn’t like you very much. He had always seemed to just tolerate your presence.

“Oh yeah. All the guys used to make fun of me because I got so awkward around you. That’s why I never talked when you were with us.”

“I just thought you were shy or something.” Or that he secretly hated you.

“Well that too,” Sebastian admitted with a small grin.

“You should have just told me. I had a crush on you too. I was so excited when you asked me to the dance.” You were so engrossed in conversation that you almost walked right past your car. “Oh, this is me.”

“Oh.” Was it your imagination or did Sebastian look disappointed? Before you could figure it out, he was smiling again. “It’s been nice catching up. We should hang out again. You still have the same number?”

You assured Sebastian that you did and the two of you exchanged more pleasantries. After sliding into your car, you watched Sebastian continue down the street. The memory of the two of you dancing wildly in the parking lot while the rest of your friends complained about the rain made you smile. You kind of wished you had asked him to dance again.

————————

Part of you already wished that this weekend would never end, even though it had barely even begun. You had finally made it out of the city and still had a couple hours of driving left, but you were already dreading having to go back into the office on Monday.

You and Sebastian had been hanging out more since running into each other last month. Most of the time, you got away without any pictures of the two of you getting out, but recently that had been getting harder and harder to do. Now, through what you could only assume was some sort of social media stalking witchcraft, people had managed to figure out who you were. The hundreds of notifications had freaked you out at first, but after deleting all of the social media apps from your phone, it was totally not a big deal.

Until your coworkers had found out. Some magazine had printed a picture of you and Sebastian, including your name underneath it, so now everyone at the office was either making fun of you by pretending to take paparazzi pictures whenever you walked into a room or constantly asking about Sebastian. Needless to say, you desperately needed this weekend away.

“Hungry eyes,” Sebastian sang, rather poorly though you suspected that was on purpose. You had seen him in musicals in high school. He half turned towards you, reaching out with one hand while the other stayed on the wheel, as he continued to sing along to the music. “One look at you and I can’t disguise these-”

“Keep your eyes on the road,” you scolded, though you couldn’t help but laugh at his bad attempt to hit a high note. “You know, I was worried that you would get us killed at the cabin, but now I know you’re going to get us killed before we even make it there. And stop caressing my hair.” You slapped his hand away for emphasis.

He reached out again to run a hand down your hair. “I am not caressing your hair-”

“Definitely were.”

“-and I am not going to get us killed. We are going to have a nice relaxing weekend at a cabin that I rented and am graciously letting you stay at without paying me back. And we aren’t going to worry about paparazzi or annoying coworkers or random people on the street with cell phones.” There may have been a incident earlier that week where you had almost gone up to a random person in the street to yell at them about taking pictures of you and Sebastian. It turned out they were just a lost tourist who barely spoke English. That was when Sebastian decided that you needed a vacation too.

“I think I’m paying you back by forcing myself to spend time with you. You’re very hard to get along with. Plus, I have no money for vacations. We can’t all be actors in Marvel movies.” The trees blurred by as Sebastian drove down the highway.

“You know, I could probably get you in the next Captain America movie. You might not have any lines, but you could stand in the background.” Had he ever offered any of your other friends from high school roles in his movies? No, you couldn't let yourself get caught up in these kinds of questions.

“Sebastian, thanks again-”

“Stop! I told you to stop thanking me-”

“Thanks again,” you continued loudly, “for inviting me. I know that you were looking forward to a relaxing weekend away before you have press stuff. If you want, we don’t have to talk to each other. I don’t want to ruin your relaxation.”

Sebastian shifted uncomfortably in his seat at your thanks, but then shot you an incredulous look. “How would you ruin my relaxation? I wouldn’t have invited you if I didn’t want to spend time with you.”

“Promise?”

Sebastian sent you a smile that was so full of warmth that you could have melted right there. You were definitely getting caught up now. You tried to snap yourself out of it by thinking about all of the reasons you could never date Sebastian. First, he was Sebastian. He knew what you looked like when you were young and awkward. He had seen the awful bangs you cut yourself sophomore year. Second, he was Sebastian Stan. Surely he’d never date a nobody like you. Not that he was stuck up now. He was surprisingly similar to how he had been in high school. It’s just, he could date models if he wanted to. You were definitely not a model. And you wouldn’t even want to date someone in the spotlight like him. Third, you had been on like two dates with the skeazy guy from accounting. If you ignored most of what he said, he was only a little skeazy. Barely tolerable really. You could work with that.

But then Sebastian ran his hand through his hair, and you had to bite your lip to stop yourself from saying anything stupid. Did he know what he was doing or was he just naturally this cool now? Either way, it was going to be a long weekend.

————————

The dance was not fun. Whoever was writing the prom scenes in all of those cheesy movies was full of crap. The decorations looked bad, your dress was uncomfortable, and you were so busy making sure everything was running smoothly that you weren’t even getting to enjoy your senior prom. You never should have agreed to head the prom committee. Surely the night would be more fun if you didn’t have any responsibilities.

Except you’d probably still be standing on the edges of the dancing watching as all of your friends danced with their boyfriends. You had thought that this would finally be the dance you had a boyfriend for, but then your boyfriend broke up with you less than two weeks before because you were spending too much time working on prom. Great. Wonderful.

It had been difficult to mentally prepare yourself to go to senior prom without a date after working so hard on it. It had seemed almost poetic when Sebastian asked you. The two of you had gone to your first high school dance together and now you were at your last high school dance together.

Except Sebastian had barely talked to you all night. In fact, he had barely even looked at you. At least, that’s what you thought. Sebastian later confessed to you that he was scared he’d get in the way of your prom committee duties so he watched you from afar as you took care of the last minute issues. But you didn’t know that yet.

“Decided to actually acknowledge me?” you snapped when Sebastian leaned against the wall beside you.

Sebastian rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. He was probably already regretting coming over to talk to you. “I probably deserve that. You just seemed busy.”

“There were a couple of issues that I had to take care of. I still want to enjoy the dance though.”

“So let’s enjoy it.” Sebastian held his hand out to you and nodded to the dance floor. You smiled gratefully at him and took his hand, letting him lead you out.

Neither of you were great dancers, and the dance floor was maybe a little too crowded, but you made the best of it. After bumping into another couple one too many times, you and Sebastian retired back to the wall, perfectly content to watch the others and whisper amongst yourselves.

“So have you had fun tonight?” Sebastian asked. You had, which was surprising considering how badly the night had started out. Sometimes you forgot how well you and Sebastian could get on. It was so rare to talk to him one on one. You really didn’t know how prom could have gone better. You were kind of disappointed that prom was wrapping up. Already, the dance floor had begun emptying as people left for various after parties.

“I did.” Sebastian grinned, obviously pleased with your answer. “But it wasn’t nearly as good as homecoming freshman year.”

Sebastian's smile faded as he tried to recall the dance you were talking about. “Wasn’t that dance really awkward though?”

“Sure the actual dance was,” you shrugged. “But dancing in the parking lot after was one of my favorite high school memories.”

Sebastian threw his head back to laugh, his hand resting on your shoulder to steady himself. “I’ll admit that I’m kind of glad it’s not raining tonight. My mom was not happy that I got my suit wet. But we can still dance like that tonight. There’s plenty of room on the dance floor.”

“Absolutely not,” you scoffed. “We’d look crazy.”

“Everyone here is either our friend or someone who we’ll probably never see again.” Sebastian held his hand out to you. You bit your lip as you considered before meeting his eyes. He raised an eyebrow in challenge.

“Fine.” Sebastian laughed as you took his hand, once again allowing him to drag you onto the dance floor. He was truly fearless in his dancing this time. Obviously you had to follow suit and ignore the looks people were throwing you as you and Sebastian twirled and spun and jumped around. By the time it was time to leave the dance, you both were red faced and breathless with laughter. The sky was perfectly clear as you walked through the parking lot, but part of you wished it was raining so you could once again dance in a storm in your best dress with Sebastian.

————————

“I thought you weren’t talking to me because you didn’t really want to go with me.”

“What?” Sebastian took his eyes off the road quickly to look over at you. “Why would I ask you if I didn’t want to go with you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe our friends told you to since neither of us had dates.”

“You’re crazy. I was so intimidated by you that I didn’t want to get in your way.” You scoffed and started to speak but Sebastian shushed you. “You’ve always been the most impressive person in the room.”

You weren’t entirely sure how to respond to that. Sebastian Stan thought that you were impressive. But what exactly did that mean? That he thought it was neat that you managed to wrangle high school students enough to plan prom? He said ‘you’ve always’ which seemed to imply that he still felt that way. Right? But he was a successful actor. He worked with people way more impressive than you every day.

The thoughts flashed furiously through your head as Sebastian continued to drive slowly through the town. He had certainly achieved his goal to get away from the city. It was hard to believe the small town you’d spent the weekend in was so in the same state as the city. Paparazzi had certainly not been a worry for the two of you. Eventually, the car reached the end of the road. Rather than turning around and heading back into town, Sebastian put the car in park.

“I don’t want to go back,” he sighed. You had to agree with him. You wanted to stay right there. It had been so relaxing to get away from it all. No paparazzi. No fans. No coworkers. Just you and Sebastian. But it couldn’t last. You had work, and Sebastian had interviews.

“So let’s stay here,” you suggested. “We’ll stock up on food and then barricade ourselves in the cabin. We’ll obviously have to defend ourselves when Marvel comes looking for you and my company comes looking for me, but I have complete confidence that we can take them.” Not that you had reached a position in the company where they would notice you were missing. Maybe after a week or two they’d notice something was off. Marvel was sure to be quicker though.

“Ha ha you’ve made your point.” He sighed again. “This has been the best weekend I’ve had in a long time. Thanks for coming with me.”

“Thanks for inviting me.” Your voice sounded small in the sudden stillness of the car. Sebastian’s eyes flickered over your face, going from your eyes to your lips. “What did you mean earlier?”

“About what?”

“When you said that I was always the most impressive person in the room.” You were a little nervous about his answer. There was a good chance you’d made it out to be deeper than he meant. But then you remembered how fearless and free you felt when Sebastian led you out onto the dance floor at prom, and you knew you had to know the answer.

“Exactly that. I’m constantly in awe of you. The way you were the smartest person at school. I mean, I think you’re still the smartest person I know. I don’t understand anything you’re saying when you talk about work. You always knew exactly what to say to diffuse any of our friends’ drama. You’re kind and funny and always keep me on my toes.” Sebastian paused for a moment. You tried to speak, but all you could do was look at his beautiful blue eyes. “Running into you might be the best thing to ever happen to me.”

“Sebastian,” you murmured. Before you could think of anything else to say, Sebastian’s lips were on yours. You smiled into the kiss as you ran your fingers through Sebastian’s hair. It was the perfect length. You tried your best to capture the memory of this moment. The feel of his lips. His hand on your cheek. The faint sound of birds chirping outside. The patter of rain on the car roof. It was all perfect, and you wanted to remember every second of it.

————————

You didn’t know how life could get better than this. Sebastian’s hand was entwined with your own as you walked through the streets. You had been nervous about this at first. What would his fans think? So far they had been curious but benign when it came to you. Hopefully that wouldn’t change now.

You had almost cancelled when Sebastian showed up at your door. A night in suddenly sounded really good. He hadn’t let you though. Instead, Sebastian had grabbed your hand and pulled you out onto the street. You laughed as he twirled you, causing the skirt of your favorite dress to flow out.

“Good thing it’s not raining today,” Sebastian had laughed. “This would be much less enjoyable if we were getting rained on.”

“I don’t know about that. I think we normally have a pretty good time in the rain.”

You had managed to walk to the restaurant without being spotted, though you had noticed some people taking pictures as you were eating. By the time the bill had been paid, you were more than happy to take Sebastian’s hand and follow him outside. A short walk later and the two of you were strolling around a park eating ice cream on the way back to your apartment.

“So did you have fun tonight?” Sebastian asked.

“I did,” you admitted with a smile. “It was a lot better than I was expecting.”

“Ouch.” Sebastian made a faux wounded expression that ended up making you both laugh. “I didn’t realize you thought I’d be a bad date.”

“It wasn’t you I was worried about. Your fans kind of terrify me. Not gonna lie. I half expected them to show up at the restaurant and start pelting me with rotten fruit or something.”

“That would certainly kill the mood, but I don’t think you have to worry about people throwing fruit at you.”

“No. I just have to worry about what people are going to be saying about me online.”

“Hey, stop.” Sebastian caught your hand and pulled you back to where he had stopped walking. His hands cupped both sides of your face as he looked seriously at you. “It’s going to be ok. Yeah, there are going to be some people who say some mean things. Just ignore it. It’s why I don’t bother with social media much. It doesn’t matter what they say.”

“Easy for you to say. You’re not the one they’re going to accuse of dating someone just to latch onto their fame or money.” Soon after you and Sebastian had started hanging out, the posts about you trying to use Sebastian’s game to get ahead had started. It didn’t really make much sense. Being friends with an actor wasn’t going to get you promoted any sooner. Still, they had annoyed you and sometimes made you feel weird about being around Sebastian.

“I know that you’re not using me. You know that you’re not using me. Everyone that matters will know that you’re not using me. If anything, I’m getting the better end of our relationship. I’m getting to date the most amazing woman ever.”

“Most amazing woman ever?” you repeated. “I’m not sure I have the necessary qualifications for that title.”

“Would you like to hear your qualifications?”

“Yes I would.” You giggled slightly, feeling like a kid with a crush, when Sebastian slung his arm around you and pulled you close so that he could whisper in your ear.

“You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. You are the smartest person I know. You’re kind and funny and you know all of this already because I’ve told you it before.”

“Yeah but I wanted to hear it again.” Your face was so close to Sebastian’s as you whispered back to him that your noses were almost touching. You hardly dared to breathe as your eyes flickered between his eyes and his lips.

Sebastian just barely started moving closer when you both heard “Is that Sebastian Stan?” coming from a nearby group of people. You jumped back almost immediately, blushing like a kid who was caught holding hands on the playground. Sebastian sent you a small smile before turning to face the fans who had come up to ask for pictures. Once he was finally finished with that, he took your hand again and led you back towards your apartment. Hopefully, no one had gotten a picture of you two in the park about to kiss. Despite what Sebastian had said, you were still scared of what people would say. Your hands shook slightly as you walked, so you slipped your hand out of his, hoping he hadn’t noticed.

Quicker than you would have liked, you were back outside your apartment building. “Do you want to come up?” you asked when he stopped on the sidewalk.

Sebastian shook his head. “I have to be up early tomorrow, and, if I go up, I’m never gonna want to leave.” Sebastian grabbed your hands, which were still shaking, and pulled you close before resting his hands on your hips. “I had a great time tonight.” He smiled, making you feel a bit more brave. This was just Sebastian. The same Sebastian you had known for years growing up.

Slowly, Sebastian brought a hand up to your face, giving you plenty of time to stop him. But you didn’t want to. He was making you feel a bit fearless. You grinned as he kissed you softly. Even though it wasn’t your first kiss, it certainly felt like it. Although technically, it was your first kiss as an official couple. And it was your first kiss out in public, where someone could take a picture that would make its way through the Marvel fandom.

But that didn’t matter to you now. The kiss was flawless. And despite whatever people online were probably already posting about you, you would never regret this moment. Life with Sebastian was undeniably better than life without him.

————————

tags

@bbl32

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x yn #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan oneshot #calwrites

116 notes · View notes

harrywritingsbyme · 3 years

Note

Story: y/n feels sorry for being herself. sometimes she has trouble accepting and loving herself..even tho she has no problem loving Harry, with all his flaws. he definitely helps her with that ;)

Beautiful

Anonymous Said: 11 and 20 from the prompt list

Based Off Of This Ask

A/N: I got a request for 11 and 20 from the prompt list and they fit perfectly with this. I definitely wrote this with myself, my own struggles, and the struggles of the other beautiful ladies out there in mind. I also wanted to make it a lil bit deeper by incorporating some post-pregnancy y/n had Harry up in there. Also, I wanted do something real fluffy bc what I have planned for Friday is insane. Enjoy🙃

11. “Fuck you have no idea what you do to me.”

20. “Such a beautiful body, why would anyone hate it?”

You were really going through it this morning. For starters, when you woke up you were immediately drawn towards going back to sleep and recouping some of the sleep you’d lost recently. On top of that, your nipples were incredibly sore from breastfeeding and your body was still drained and recovering from giving birth three months ago. But luckily for you though, you were blessed with an amazing husband who didn’t hesitate to take care of you guys’ baby boy. You didn’t even have to ask him, as soon as he saw the exhausted and overwhelmed look on your face when you two woke up to the loud cries of your son, he immediately sprung into action and ordered you to stay in bed and take care of yourself while he tended to the baby and gave you your space. You were able to get a bit more sleep and feel way better than you did earlier on in the morning. Another hour and a half of sleep did wonders for you at this point in your life. That small window of time allowed you to feel rested enough to get up out of bed and get yourself together.

You wasted absolutely no time stripping your sleep clothes off and hopping right into the shower. The water was the perfect temperature and you just stood under it. The hot water pouring down onto your body felt absolutely amazing and you could hands down feel your stress and tension just melting away from it. You were relaxed. Even though you loved your son with your entire being and then some, it was hard. You were so grateful for Harry and you felt like you shouldn’t have any complaints at all. But it’s just that you weren’t used to having anyone depend on you the way your son just about solely depends on you. So times like these where you were granted a little time to regroup were cherished and seized.

After a nice long shower that was filled with pampering, you turn the water off and you step out to get yourself dried off and dressed. You wrap the fluffy towel from the counter around your body and you head back into the bedroom to grab some clothes. After picking out your daily attire of a t-shirt and sweats, you station yourself on the bed to get ready. But unfortunately for you, you’d stationed yourself right in front of the full body mirror. The second you unwrap your towel from your body, the good feeling that was flowing through you vanished and was replaced with a sad and embarrassed one. This feeling hadn’t reared it’s ugly head in a good while. You hadn’t had the time since the baby was born to take a good look at yourself; and you were starting to feel like you were better off that way.

You always struggled when it came to you having a positive viewpoint of yourself, and in particular your weight. You were constantly battling against the negativity that was coming at you from almost every part of your life. You were in an uphill battle with losing weight and getting to a place where you felt comfortable all the way around. Whenever you took strides to get to that better place, you were always pulled back down. That force was the little comments from family members, people online, and yourself. Whenever you saw or heard what people had to say, you let yourself be overcome with that negativity and in turn it was harder to keep going and push forward. You felt like all your efforts were going to waste and you were never going to see results, inside and out. And at some point you just stopped loving yourself. You managed to love Harry despite his flaws but you couldn’t seem to do it for you. You pretty much gave up on loving yourself. And to make it even worse, you put all of the love inside of you that was supposed to be dedicated to yourself into loving others. The only way you got out of that enormous rut was because of Harry. He made sure to consistently and constantly reassure you that you were beautiful and worth loving. He did daily affirmations and did everything in his power to help you get back on track and work towards your goals.

And for a year you were able to have success in doing that.

After a little over a year of loving yourself, working towards your weight goal, and just feeling good, you got pregnant. When the news broke, you and Harry were over the moon. The two of you were extremely happy and in love that you both could’ve just burst from joy. You were head over heels for Harry and for yourself, and Harry was head over heels for you and the fact that you were head over heels for yourself. Everything was the way it was supposed to be and it was only getting better now that you guys were expecting a bundle of joy. Fortunately for you both, you were able to glide through your pregnancy with only minor hiccups along the way. Since you were always exhausted and you were actively changing, your solid workout and extensive selfceare routines fell by the wayside. You were so tired and just not in the mood that you couldn’t even do the low intensity workouts that your doctor said were okay. The only things you had were your mental wellbeing which was fine, and Harry. You felt bad that you weren’t keeping yourself up the way you’d been doing for the past year and you came down on yourself for it at times. But of course, Harry nipped it right in the bud and brought you back. You couldn’t imagine what you’d do without him throughout all of this.

So seeing yourself in the mirror and taking in your body now was incredibly disheartening and to you it was like a slap in the face to all the hard work you put in along with the tremendous amount of support from Harry. You fully understood that your body wouldn’t be the same after giving birth but you were hoping that it wouldn’t be as bad as it was. That is, as bad as you thought it was. Because you were constantly fighting with those negative thoughts and trying your hardest to love yourself the way you deeply love Harry, everyone else, and now your son, you tended to over exaggerate in your mind how bad something was. If you saw something you didn’t like, you didn’t like it all. And as a result of that, you spent a good amount of time standing there in front of the mirror critiquing your body and asking yourself over and over again how in the hell am I supposed to get back to normal?. You were so engrossed in overanalyzing and critiquing that you didn’t even notice Harry come back into the room.

While you were having some alone time, Harry went into full dad mode. He was able to get bubs to quiet down and let his dad take care of him. He did a quick diaper change so that bubs could be comfortable while Harry made himself something quick breakfast. He played with the baby for a while before giving him a lukewarm bath to get him cleaned up for the day, and he fed bubs, lulling the little boy right into a milk induced sleep. And hopefully, it’d stick for an hour or two so that he could spend some time with his wife. When he makes his way into the room, Harry’s feeling good. He got the baby squared away and taken care of, and his wife was taking some much needed time to herself. He knew that it was a big adjustment for you and he wanted to take as much off of you as possible because you deserved it. After your struggles in the past with your weight and loving yourself, Harry could only imagine how difficult it must be to keep yourself in a good headspace and just enjoy motherhood to the fullest without focusing on the “negatives”.

That’s why when he saw you looking at your naked body in the mirror with a downcast and almost disgusted look on your face towards your reflection, Harry knew exactly what was going on and he had to step in. You were doing so well and the last thing he wanted was for you to fall back into that deep hole of negativity that you worked so hard to get out of. He immediately makes his way over and stands right in front of you so that he’s blocking your view of the mirror. When he does this, your head still hangs low and you can’t even bring yourself to look up at him.

“I look horrible.” You whisper sorrowfully. At this, Harry extends his hands out to cup your cheeks and lift your head up to look at him.

“Baby…” He coos, seeing the saddened look in your glassy eyes. “You are the most beautiful woman in the world, you always have been. You’re even more beautiful now.”

“No I’m not. Everything is worse and I won’t be able to get back from this.” You sigh pessimistically.

“Yes it’ll take time, but you can do it and I’ll be right here by your side to help you through.” He begins, lovingly reassuring you of his full commitment to you. Harry then lets go of your cheeks and moves so that he’s behind your body and so that you can see the mirror again before wrapping his arms around your naked waist. “When I look at you, I see a badass and a strong woman. I see the woman who carried and delivered our son. I see the beautiful mother of my child. I see the woman I married three years ago. I see you Y/n, the love of my life.” He whispers, trying his hardest to hold back his own tears. Seeing you be so harsh towards yourself was not okay with him and it tore him apart. You are his rock, and to see you falling apart was causing him to break down himself.

“I just- I hate it.”

“Such a beautiful body, why would anyone hate it?” He whispers, trying to reason with you. “You’re beautiful.” He reminds pointedly. “Now say it with me.” He instructs further.

“You’re beautiful.”

“I’m beautiful.” The both of you say in unison repeatedly, every time Harry gives you a kiss to your neck. As this continues on, Harry couldn’t stop himself from stiffening up in his pants. The two of you hadn’t been this intimate in a good while and he missed it. He knew that you were still feeling insecure and that his purpose was to reassure you that you’re not what you’re saying you are and that he loves you so much. That’s why Harry was absolutely loving the idea of making love to you so that you could really see how amazing you are and the effect you have on him.

While his kisses and affirmations continue, Harry’s hand slowly strays away from your lower stomach. He slowly but surely makes his way down to the area between your legs, cupping you in his hand with his fingertip resting on your button between your folds. He then begins to circle his finger around your button. You hadn’t felt his fingers in a good while, and you had to admit that they felt really good against you right now. When your pants and small moans begin to hasten and you begin to enjoy him more, Harry swiftly turns you around to face him before lifting you up and lying you down on the bed. Once you’re lying on the bed, Harry quickly undresses himself before lying on top of you.

“Fuck you have no idea what you do to me.” Harry admires, taking in all of your amazing features. He then begins to work your body, starting with your neck and working his way down. He peppers kisses all across your skin and he continues with his affirmation as he kisses down and up your body. “Wanna make you feel good, wanna make love to you. Can I baby?” Harry asks softly, bringing his lips to yours.

“Please?” You sigh needfully up to him. You really needed to feel good. When you give him this answer, Harry is quick to keep himself propped up on one hand as he reaches down to line himself up with your entrance. When you feel him nudging at your hole, you reach up to pull his face down and connect your lips with his before lifting your hips up a little to give him the signal to keep going. As he pushes into you, you both keep your mouth’s against each others, moaning into one another as he enters you. It felt a bit weird, but it felt really good. You felt full and Harry was filling you. Everything was perfect.

Harry continues to slowly and deeply rock his hips into you while whispering sweet nothings into your ear through his moans and keeping two fingers on your clit. The both of you were on cloud nine. You were being fully pleasured by Harry and he was pleasuring you and you feel special the way you deserved while receiving amazing pleasure as well. Since the both of you were a bit more sensitive due to the fact that there were so many emotions involved, you and Harry reached the edge pretty quickly. The pleasure was outstanding and you both needed to let go and fully experience it all.

“Wanna cum with me darling?” Harry coos through a moan, continuing to rock into you and rub at your clit.

“So bad.” You whine, feeling his cock hit that sweet spot deep inside you.

“I love you so much baby.” Harry grunts down to you, deeply pushing in one final time as he begins to let go inside you.

“I love you too!” You gasping response, feeling your own release wash over your entire being. It was amazing to say the least.

“Y’so beautiful.” He says again as he rides the wave of his release. When he says this, he is subliminally signaling for you to repeat it.

“I’m beautiful.” You say softly, still feeling the major shocks of your release.

One round of loving wouldn’t do the ultimate trick in changing how you felt, but it was definitely a good place to start.

Masterlist

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orlissa · 2 years

Text

Books I’ve translated, ranked worst to best

(Note: in some cases I translated several books in a series, in that case I’m counting those as one)

13, Katy Evans: Mine -- The Book(TM). It was an actual nightmare. A book about a real toxic relationship sold as romance, spiced up with actual, harmful nonsense (e.g.: heroine is pregnant, almost miscarries, ordered to be on bedrest, NO SEX. So they guy fingers her instead).

12, J.A. Redmerski: Killing Sarai -- Also about a toxic romance (in this case of a contract killer and girl whom he liberates after she was basically the sex slave as a drug lord). Full of gratitious and sexualized violence, but it didn’t make me wanna throw my laptop out of the window.

11, K.A. Tucker: Ten Tiny Breaths/In Her Wake/One Tiny Lie -- Once again, kinda toxic NA story, but with psychological depth. Main Character lost her boyfriend, best friend, and parents in a horrific car accidents few years back, and now tries to start a new life with her little sister in Florida, falling for the guy next door--who then turns out to be the only survivor from the other car, who has actually been stalking her and moved there to get into contact with her. Would have been better if they didn’t end up together at the end, and if he was actually the one behind the wheel that night (he “just” let a drunken friend drive). Second book was about from his POV from the night of the accident till he meets the girl, and it was actually pretty decent? Third book is about main character’s little sister starting college, but honestly, I don’t even remember what happens there.

10, P.C. and Kristin Cast: Destined -- Look, I have a lot to thank this series (House of Night), because this series brought me into publishing, and this was the first book I’ve ever translated, but it doesn’t change the fact that it was like the 9th book of an originally decent-ish series, which should have ended at like book 5.

9, Amanda Joy: A River of Royal Blood -- My most recent (finished) one. Decent YA with interesting worldbuilding, but 1, it’s maddening that it being a duology, the book leaves every single question unanswered 2, has some typical YA quirks 3, would have needed a better editor, because damn, there was a lot of stuff I needed to correct. Like, add a sentence to introduce some information a hundred page earlier than the author did to avoid a plothole. (BTW, the publisher pretty much implied that they want me to do the second book, and hell yeah, I wanna see this story through.)

8, Jennifer A. Nielsen: The False Prince/The Runaway King/The Shadow Throne -- YA fantasy (without magical elements) about royal intrigue with a really great, smart, kinda morally grey protagonist. Look, the first book in this series is SPECTACULAR. I absolutely adored it, it had a great twist, and amazing attention to detail, but the quality of the subsequent volumes definitely dwindled.

7, Diana Gabaldon: Voyager -- It’s a good book, it was a challange, I kinda enjoyed working on it, but to be honest, I translated it during a very dark time in my life (when my grandmother was dying), and it left its mark on my memories about this book. (BTW: I hated the changes the show did in the story.)

6, Brit Bennett: The Mothers -- A touching tale of how a secret abortion (and the actions of the people involved in it) affects a small, black church community. It’s a great book, a well-crafted book, and I especially enjoyed the narrative voice (first person plural; the narrators are the old ladies attending the church).

5, Alayah Dawn Johnson: Summer Prince -- A really unique, post-apocalyptic, cyber-punk, queer, YA story set in a futuristic city based on Brasil.

4, Anthony Ryan: Pariah -- Medieval-based fantasy about an outlaw turned sribe, turned soldier. I’m putting it here somewhat reluctantly, because I haven’t finished it yet, but I can tell it’s a great book, with well-crafted and witty language and interesting, diverse characters.

3, Richard Castle: Frozen Heat -- I put this book here not only because it’s good, but also because my relationship to it. Okay, so I’m a big Castle fan. Used to be an even bigger when I was working on this book. And this was the case when I said “I’m the perfect person for this job.” Because, like, this book is continiously making references to the series-which I knew like the back of my hand, so I immediately knew that “yeah, this paragraph refers to this scene in this episode,” and so I could make sure the book used the same phrases as the dubbing of the show.

2, Jeff Zentner: The Serpent King -- Another YA book, but one of the more psychological kind, about three teenagers wanting to free themselves from their small southern town and its mentality. Dill is a musician, living in poverty after his father, a pentacostal preacher, is imprisoned for unspeakable crimes; Travis is a kind, fantasy-loving giant living in an abusive home; and the kinda-famous blogger Lydia is just simply too free-spirited for their hometown. Honestly, this is one of those book I’d make a required reading in school.

1, Morgan Matson: Second Chance Summer -- It’s kinda ironic that I’m putting this on top, because this is the one that has been in “production hell” for like... five years. Anyway, this is the story that made me cry while I was translating it. Taylor, the unremarkable middle child’s family owns a lakehouse, where they used to spend their summers--but a couple of years ago something happened that made Taylor burn some bridges, and she hasn’t been back since. But now her father is dying, so the family decides to spend one last summer together in the lakehouse. So now Taylor must try to amend the mistakes she made in the past, while grappling with the fact that she is about to lose her father.

#personal #books

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amane-by-together · 3 years

Text

Sweet || Yugi Amane

genre: tooth-rotting fluff

warning: too much fluff, slightly heated content, and fluff

summary: just amane spoiling [name] with his love and affection.

[name] fluttered her eyes open while furrowing her eyebrows, she probably moved a muscle that made her wake up in the midst of night. The small threads of moon light are shining through the window pane hitting her visuals.

The night sky was brimming with many stars perfect for stargazing to fall asleep while looking at them. [name] sighed closing her eyes and creasing her brows in hopes of falling back to sleep.

But she can't.

[name] turned her head to the side and saw her boyfriend snuggling against her shoulder, wrapping his arms around her waist so protectively while sleeping soundly. [name] envied Amane for falling asleep so easily while she can't.

"I can't sleep..." [name] mumbled angrily under her breath. As much as she wanted to toss and turn on their bed but Amane is holding her close and it looks like he doesn't want to let her go. "Amane-kun...?" she whispered while turning to his side.

"Mmmm..." Amane hummed tiredly then he digs his face to her neck. [name] pouted, he looks like he doesn't want to wake up at any moment.

"[name], you needed something...?" The female blushed at his husky tone. [name] covered her face using Amane's shirt that she was currently wearing.

As much as [name] doesn't want to admit that she is in need of Amane's affection especially when she's having trouble going back to sleep after waking up. Then she felt him chuckle against her neck. "Can't sleep?"

[name] nodded. Amane lazily pecked her cheek and rolled off to the side. "Give me five minutes, I'll spoil you when I wake up." he grinned making [name]'s lips curl up into a smile. "I don't want my girl to sleep without being spoiled by me~"

"Come here..." Amane swiftly pulled her into a hug just as the latter elicits a small squeak at the sudden action causing her head to clash on to his chest. "Ack." he whispered at the impact.

Amane closed his eyes to doze off for five minutes then he can go smother name with kisses and hugs after that. [name] let out a bored sigh from her lips while ruffling his disheveled hair but then an idea popped inside her head. She smirked slowly slipping her hand under his shirt, brushing her fingertips to his abdomen.

[name] tried to hold back her giggles at the look of Amane's face, knitting his eyebrows at how cold her hands are but still remained asleep. "[name]... I swear stop it..." Amane mumbled in his sleep but she still continues by softly tapping his skin underneath. "Mmm, stop...it"

Out of nowhere, Amane grabbed her hands and pinned them to the sides of her head. [name]'s cheeks grew red then shifting glances across the room until her eyes met with his amber ones. "[name], I said five minutes..." he said in a husky voice because he recently woke up. "How do you plan to make it up for me~?"

[name] gulped hard then she bit her lip and looking away with a blush. "A-Amane-kun! L-let's settle this!" she nervously yelled out.

"With you being under me?" Amane smirked as he slowly hiked up the sweater he was wearing. "Even better~"

"Y-you wouldn't do that!" [name] furiously blushes. Amane was known to mislead [name] all the time, which results of getting the wrong idea.

"You have no idea what I wanted to do with you~" Amane chuckled lowly at her. [name] was a stuttering mess trying to make him change his mind. He lowered himself to [name], leaning against her ear. "So let's test out what I'm about to do~"

[name] squeezed her eyes shut when Amane hooked his finger to the neckline of her shirt. "And when I did so, this shirt will be on the floor along with your shorts..."

When Amane saw the look on her face he grinned childishly and released himself from [name]. "I'm kidding~" he sang.

[name]'s eyes twitched just as Amane was smiling brightly at her. When he's misleading her, there's always that damned duality that Amane has, where he would be holding your hand on the streets and having you under the sheets—

[name] looked away from him, blushing madly as she sat up. Amane laughed pointing a finger at her. "You were disappointed that I'm not gonna do it, weren't you~"

"I-I'm not hoping for anything or whatever!" [name] hugged herself while rubbing her arms. Amane crawled over to the lamp next to their bed and dimmed the lights. "But I appreciate if you stop teasing me..." she mumbled.

Amane smiled softly at [name], he scoots over to her and hugged her from behind holding her tightly. "I'm sorry but you're just too cute, I can't help but to tease you~"

"Oh I know!" Amane's eyes lit up with joy squishing his cheek against hers. "I'll just spoil you with my love to make up for that~"

[name] nodded slowly, even though they were together for many years she was still shy and flustered around Amane so she lets him initiate things first, which she likes. [name] suddenly shivered, the air from the air conditioner started to get cold. "You're cold?" Amane asked.

"Kinda." [name] scratched her cheek.

Amane lovingly stares at [name], he slowly laced their fingers together just as the latter look back at him and their intertwined hands. “I like how your hands fit with mine...” he softly grinned next to her. “Back then, I would use excuses just to hold your hand, remember?”

“Why do you have nice hands.” [name] asked, pouting at Amane's gorgeous hands around her small hands. “I’m envious cuz mine are small.”

"You shouldn't feel that way, [name]." Amane assured her as he begins to play with her fingers. "I love you and your hands, sweetheart..."

[name] felt her heart melting at his words, and then she started to blush and giggle. Amane looked over to her. "I mean I love every portion of you," he added while hugging her tighter as if he doesn't want to let her go. "And I will love you for the rest of my life..."

"You're lovely and sweet, [name]~" Amane reached over to pinch her cheek lightly. "And adorable~" he grinned then he started to squish her cheeks.

Amane hugged her again, resting his chin on her shoulder. [name] suddenly shivered when the cold wind from the air conditioner hits her skin. "Still cold?" he asked in a soft whisper.

"Yeah..." An idea popped inside Amane's mind, he smirked slyly at [name], which caused her to look back in confusion. Amane dug his face to the crook of her neck, his right hand slowly made its way to her thigh. "A-Amane—?"

Then all of a sudden, [name] felt his lips on her neck to shut her up. Heat rises to her whole face and her heart beating faster than a shooting star in the sky. Amane smirked against her neck, knowing that he already made her weak, he decided to take it further by softly biting to her skin making the latter release an innocent mewl from [name]'s lips.

"W-Wait~ what are you doing~" [name] whimpered out as Amane continued to give her soft and sloppy kisses to her shoulder and her collarbone. Her breathing became uneven. "A-Amane~haah~"

Amane pulled away from her and grinned. "I'm warming you up, sweetheart~"

Amane started to lean towards her collarbone to her shoulder and started to give her red and purplish lovebites. He loves marking [name], reminding that she was his.

The two of them looked at each others lips, few moments before the real thing. Amane placed his hand on [name]'s cheek, tracing her bottom lip using his thumb. He looked at her with half lidded eyes, slowly leaning in.

Amane grabbed the sheets, still holding his loving gaze on [name]. Just before their lips crash, he pulled the sheets over them then hovering on top of her to kiss her.

Amane kissed [name], it was some sort of a silent promise of loving each other. It held passion and serendipity. The way their lips moved shyly against each other but then Amane decided to make the kiss a little heated.

He gently tugged her bottom lip making the latter part her lips. Amane slipped his tongue inside her mouth gently swirling against hers. The two of them pulled away from each others lips, a thin trail of glistening saliva connected between their tongues.

The atmosphere turned warm as the two of them panted softly for air. Amane looked down on [name], her hair was disheveled, and her hickeys running down from her collarbone to her shoulder.

[name] was still breathless from the amorous session, her cheeks were flushed and her eyes are clouded with pleasure. She raised her hand to her mouth and averted her gaze. Amane snickered. "You're pretty vocal, [name]~"

"Shut up," she grumbled earning an airy laugh from Amane. He laid down next to her and wrapped his lanky arms around her waist. [name] snuggled against his chest as Amane kissed the crown of her head. "..."

[name] smiled. "I always love cuddling with you," Amane mentions while playing with her hair. "I can even feel your heart beating against your chest, it makes me happy that it's beating for me..."

Amane slipped his hands under the back of [name]'s shirt and he started to draw hearts underneath using his fingers. "I forgot to mention, you look really cute under me~" he smirked.

"E-Eh?!" [name] slightly scooted away, glancing up to Amane, meeting his amber eyes with hers.

"I never thought, we'll end up like this..." A soft smile was plastered upon [name]'s visuals as she spoke. "With me being in your arms and all that..."

"[name], being with you is euphoric." Amane tells her. "Just by looking at you, it felt like the whole world was slowing down and I can only focus on you."

"But like, words can't describe how much you're important to me and how much I really love you." Amane brought his hands to her face and cupped her cheeks. "I rather look at you than the moon and stars because you outshined all of them..."

"Words may not be enough to tell you that I love you but my actions towards you would." he whispered softly. "Maybe one day when we're both ready, I'll make love to you..."

[name] tiredly hummed in response. Amane started to peppering her face with kisses which caused the latter to blush and giggle. "I guess we should go to sleep now..." he mentions as he hugged her. "We'll continue this tomorrow..."

"I'm looking forward to it..." [name] replied before closing her eyes and drifted to dreamland. Amane leaned in and planted a soft kiss on her lips and said.

"I love you so much [name]..."

For the rest of the night, where their hearts are beating in sync against their chests, the two lovers slept in each others arms...embracing each others warmth for the cold night.

===============================

a/n: stressed✨ but hab sum fluff hehe~

like and reblog if you love this oneshot~❤❤❤

#amane yugi #anime #amane yugi x reader #fluff #jibaku shounen hanako kun #hanako x reader #tbhk #yugi amane #yugi amane x reader #amane #hanako kun

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wickedgamesoyaoya · 4 years

Text

At first his presence was not detected, creating an opportunity for Osamu to observe your intoxicated state and to deliberate what action the situation called for. From the colourful curses uttered into the device snug against your ear he was able to ascertain who you were speaking to. The nickname ‘flamingo head’ could only reasonably be directed at Hanamaki, after-all.

But what Osamu did not know was that the conversation you were engaged in was rapidly shredding the limited energy you had conserved to refrain from collapsing. Administering a lecture to a heavily intoxicated person was not a calculated decision on his part. Further, Hanamaki’s annoyance with you solely stemmed from your treatment towards Iwaizumi. Not a single comment was issued to critique your decision to poison your liver at seven thirty in the evening. Rather, an implicit message of understanding laid at the foundation of his speech. These were details that the cook was struggling to discover, since all he could catch were the limited and short responses you shot back between various cries of irritation.

“Oh my God. Can you just stop. I can’t hear this right now!”

The distress seizing your throat had overwhelmed him with the protective desire to sooth you. Instinctively he proceeded a step closer, although he had to stop himself mid-step when your startled gaze landed on him. The quizzical expression etched into your features compelled him to lower the hand that was subconsciously raised in your direction. The emotions that were empowering him seconds prior were instantly washed away in a current of guilt.

A piece of him knew that he should have called Bokuto once stumbling onto the alarming scene, since he was someone you were willing to speak to and receive comfort from. And yet, the cook could not bring himself to abandon you – his heart would not allow such an action, particularly because he knew that he was the one responsible for your ache.

He wholeheartedly believed the curses spilling from your rouge coloured lips would soon be aimed at him. And so, when you suddenly pinched your eyelids shut and titled your chin skyward, confusion was added to the mixture of emotions boiling inside of his stomach.

“Fuck. I’m hallucinating again.” There was a hint of humour in the supposed realization that was proclaimed to the heavens. But the elongated sigh that followed the declaration indicated that you were becoming quite tired with the illusions your mind was projecting. Internally you had come to the conclusion that your mind was plotting against you, that is, it was partaking in an act of revenge in response to your recent increase of questionable decisions.

“Y/n… I’m not a hallucination.” Osamu vocalized the clarification solemnly, while remaining a safe distance away. However, based on your level of disorientation, he correctly assumed the counter-position would not be accepted.

Instead of responding immediately, an incoherent farewell was issued to the male continuing to scold you on the phone. Exhaustion weighed on your eyelids, forcing them into slits as you ended the call, before sloppily slipping the device into your jacket pocket. Osamu watched your every movement with careful precision, knowing well that excess amounts of alcohol would place you into a drowsy state.

Usually, when you first bypass your regular intake of alcohol, illusions would lace through your conception of reality until the fine line between fact and fiction blurred. Drowsiness was the symptom that generally followed 10-15 minutes later. Although, he had only witnessed you in this state a few times, and so his data was limited. But he knew one thing for sure. You only elected to push past the point of no return when reality was far too much to bear.

And he knew this time it was his fault.

It was meant to be a day of celebration, but you were not drinking to commemorate your latest success. You were drinking to forget him.

“That’s exactly what a hallucination would say.” The clever retort was accompanied by a short-lived laugh as you dipped an eyelid into a wink and tapped a finger against your head. At this point he knew anything vocalized would be categorized as fictitious, and perhaps it was for the best. What good could come from a conversation infected by liquor?

Osamu had now accepted that texting Bokuto was the correct decision, one that would satisfy you once you regained your sobriety. However, his resolve to text the Ace withered away in seconds as you sauntered over to him, gesturing strangely with your injured hand.

“Oi. Don’t ignore me.”

The cook blinked down at you, unable to rip away his stare as you halted a mere inch away from him, skeptically surveying him. The change in proximity not only prompted his heart to alter its rhythm, it flushed his pale cheeks with a rose hue. How was it that after eight years, you still managed to impact him to this extent? No one could draw out his emotions as effortlessly as you.

He had to fight his initial desire to brush away the stray strands of hair decorating your face, causing his fingers to twitch. He did not want to upset you, nor take advantage of the situation. However, his worries were silenced as you unexpectedly planted your palms on either side of his face, squishing playfully until his lips were slightly puckered. The physical contact stunned him, though he did not mind it. Even though the pressure exerted was a little aggressive, he welcomed it. He would accept anything from you, for he was at your mercy.

“Shit. You really do look real.” Amusement led your eyelids to expand in size, and the glint decorating your irises resembled the one worn by children on Christmas day. “My mind did a really good job… But you can’t fool me.” Based on the teasing giggle that followed your words, Osamu knew whatever came next would not be pleasant. “Are you wonderin’ what? Your eyes, silly. The real ‘Samu hasn’t looked at me with that much love in forever.” The word ‘forever’ was slurred unnaturally and was accompanied by a little sway of your head. While the smile painted across your lips indicated that you enjoyed the odd enunciation, your explanation had amplified the guilt gnawing at his conscience.

Did he even deserve you anymore?

The self-pity party commencing inside of his head was quickly brought to an end as you unlatched your palms from his face, allowing them to return to your sides. A dreamy sigh was blown out as languor draped around you, increasing the influence of gravity on your knees. He watched you sway drowsily for a few seconds, not knowing whether you would accept his support if offered.

But when your remaining sliver of energy was spent, he shook his head, dispelling his concerns before slipping his arms around you, and ushering you to find support against him. His heart twisted inside of his chest, dancing in joy from the forbidden embrace. Tears stung at his waterline as you naturally snuggled against him, relishing in the sense of security his embrace granted you.

“You know… you’re pretty warm for a hallucination.” Pressing your cheek against the fabric over his chest, you were overcome with tranquility. “Wow… my mind even got your heartbeat right…”

Allowing his eyelids to flutter shut, he inhaled a breath to keep the tears at bay.

He was a fucking mess.

“Y/n. I’m sorry.” The apology was mumbled against your hair lowly, and did not reach your ears, as you were slowly slipping out of consciousness. “I’m so sorry…” While your current state did not permit you the luxury of comprehending his words, the way he trembled against you had led you to gently rub his back.

“You’re okay, big guy.”

A small smile tugged at the ends of his lips, the only sign of happiness on his swollen features. Only you would be trying to comfort him without realizing it – when you were the one in pain. Leading you head away from his chest a smidge, he leaned down to press a kiss to your forehead, as tiny droplets paraded down his cheeks.

“I love you, y/n.”

He acknowledged that based on his past mistakes, he did not deserve you. But he vowed that one day, once again, he would become worthy of your love. Or at least, he would spend his whole life trying.

Let’s do it again, shall we - i’m sorry

Masterlist - Previous - Next

A/N: I TRIED, ALRIGHT.

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#osamu x you #osamu miya #miya osamu #osamu x reader #osamu x y/n #osamu scenario #osamu smau #hq osamu #haikyuu smau #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu

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sleepylixie · 3 years

Text

That Mixtape Love- 2

Fantasy AU, College!AU, Bang Chan X fem! Reader

That Mistape Love || Trailer || Part-1

3.3k words, Angst/Fluff. Beware of: mentions of a bad household(not abusive, not explicit), inexplicit making out.

A/N: So it comes to an end. This story has been one of my biggest passion projects, despite only being a two shot. Once again, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing this! Do let me know what you think about this final installation of Chan’s story in the Solis Universe, I’m all for critique and feedback ^_^

Drop me an ask || Masterlist

Under heavy skies in the rain, You're dancing in your bare feet, just like we're in a movie

“Chan look! It’s raining!!” Your eyes sparkled with excitement as you dashed to the nearest library window, eyes trained on the off-season rain. Chan watched your movement from his seat at your shared table . You’d been trying to get an assignment out of the way while he’d been studying for midterms when the rain struck- and it was like a switch had flipped in you.

You’d always been weak for peaceful rains, the ones that started as a drizzle and became a downpour, not loud or blinding with thunder and lightning. The rains had always fanned the small childish streak that lived in you and brought back warm memories from old times.

“Let’s go!” You rushed back to him, hurriedly stuffing your books into your bag, pushing Chan’s things towards him. “But where are we going?” Chan exclaimed-well, whisper shouted, because you were still in the library. “Downstairs, I want to enjoy it while it starts!” You giggled, pecking his cheek quickly before unceremoniously tossing his bag and books onto his lap. “Hurry!”

“Okay, okay, patience, Seashell.” Your eyes were still trained on the rain, an uncharacteristically free smile pasted across your face. Chan shook his head in amusement as he collected his things and you didn’t waste a second before dragging him across the library and outside, the warm scent of wet earth hitting the two of you head-on. You took a deep breath of the scented air, and it was like the stress of the college week had left your body. It felt glorious. Without a second thought, you dropped your bag, shucked off your shoes and stepped onto the cobblestones that led to the library, allowing the raindrops to hit your face and skin.

“Y/N, What are you doing?” Chan called out but you were lost to the world in your euphoria, the sheer joy that came with rare rains like this. “It’s called dancing in the rain, honey.” You laughed, your face turned skyward with the same free smile on your face. “You’re a walking romance cliche.” Chan chuckled as you twirled in the rain, your hair getting rapidly drenched by the downpour. “It’s the best feeling ever! Jen and I did this a lot back home.”

You finally turned to look at Chan and it was like his breath stopped in his chest- at that moment, there was nothing more beautiful than the way you looked, hair stuck to your forehead, barefoot on the cobblestones, with that gorgeous smile that rarely ever graced your face. It was sight that prompted him to pull off his jacket and shoes and step into the downpour. You were right. There was something in the rain that grounded him more than he expected, the gentle pressure of the raindrops hitting his skin.

A happy shriek escaped your chest when damp arms encircled your body, lifting you and twirling you around. “I didn’t know you were a rain person!” You laughed when Chan set you down, turning around to push some stray strands of damp hair that hung over his eyes. He smiled at you, his eyes crinkling in that familiar way that left soft creases at the corners.

“I’m not, but for you, I just might.”

Coz baby we’re just reckless kids, Trying to find an island in the flood.

You make it look like it's magic 'Cause I see nobody, nobody but you, you, you

His lips felt like a different kind of warmth this time- not warm, hot. This kiss was different from the soft pecks you’d shared, this was open-mouthed kisses you couldn’t help but melt into. This was a red-hot passion that coursed through you, that pushed you closer to him, burying your hands in his hair as you tilted your head, letting the kiss deepen. Chan’s mouth was firm against yours, almost rough- but this time, he had to pull back with what felt like visible effort, hands tightening slightly around you. “You’re okay with where this is going, Seashell?” He breathed out, looking down at you.

“Yes.” You didn’t bother with too many words when he was standing in front of you, looking at you with that... That hungry look in his eyes. Grabbing a fistful of his shirt, you pulled him down into another searing kiss, flinging your other arm around his neck. He gasped in surprise but quickly recovered, now letting his hands skim the bottom of your shirt to graze at the sensitive skin of your waist. You shuddered softly into the kiss- you didn’t know a simple touch could have you weak like this.

The sharp zing of electricity sparked your veins when Chan’s hands slipped down to hook your legs around his waist, hoisting you up against him and the wall. The warmth your kisses had started with was now a raging wildfire, from the way your hands unabashedly attempted to unbutton the rest of his shirt and the roughness of his hands squeezing your legs and nestling himself further between your legs.

When he began placing breathy open-mouthed kisses against your skin, nipping gently at your jaw, earlobe, neck... you couldn’t help but let your head rest against the wall with a soft moan, his actions sparking a carnival in your head that you couldn’t help but revel in. He’d begun a gradual ascent up the hem of your shirt, his cool fingertips coaxing soft shivers up your spine.

“We can stop whenever you want, seashell…” He murmured, pulling back and placing a kiss on your nose- an action so at odds with the lust-charged minutes you’d been sharing before. Your skirt shifted higher up your legs when you pressed your body closer to Chan’s, knowing full well that your action would work just as well as words, but-

“I don’t want to stop, Chan. I’m sure.”

I swear on my life that I've been a good girl Tonight, I don't wanna be her

This morning I said we should talk about it 'Cause I read you should never leave a fight unresolved

“Y/N, Come on, open the door.” Chan’s voice was loud, albeit a little muffled because he was on the other side of the door, locked out of your room.

Jennie had gone on a soul-searching trip for the weekend and you’d decided to stay back, claiming to be tired- the only thing that felt tired was your mind. The days had been dragging a little too much recently, and the overwhelming stress of university and part-timing had begun to get to you. It didn’t help that your power needed a good amount of control to keep from going haywire and changing the frequencies of all the auras around you. Jennie knew your moods, so she often left you to your own devices until you worked it out by yourself, sometimes pigging out over junk foods and atrociously bad horror movies with you. Chan, however, was new to this. So here he stood outside your bedroom door, beyond concerned.

You curled up further around the pillows on your bed, head spinning and slightly deadened. How were you supposed to voice the words for what you were feeling? A sigh escaped your lips when another urgent knock landed on your door, courtesy of your boyfriend. “Chan, I’m fine. Just go back home, okay?” You called out, voice raspy from the disuse.

“No, I’m worried about you, Y/N.” Chan retorted from beyond the locked door. “You’ve been off for the whole week and you’ve been avoiding me.” His voice raised slightly from what sounded like mild annoyance. “Can you blame me for being concerned?”

You let your gaze wander to your room door. You hated looking weak. You hated feeling vulnerable like this, feeling like a liability to the people around you. How were you supposed to tell Chan that without coming off like a crazy person?

“I don’t want to see anybody right now, Chan, please.” You steeled your voice as you spit the words out, more acidic than you intended it to. “Just leave. I’ll text you later if that’s what you want.”

An exasperated sound ripped from Chan’s throat as he jiggled the doorknob again. “This isn’t about you texting me, Y/N! I’m worried there’s something wrong and you’re having to deal with it alone. I just want to help. Why can’t you just let me help?!”

Tears welled up in your eyes uninvited; there was an unfamiliar sharpness to Chan’s tone that you’d never heard before. Was he tired of you?

“Because I don’t want your help!” You yelled back, your voice cracking slightly.

The instant, deafening silence that you got in response had the tears sliding down your face some more. Did he leave? God, why couldn’t you just be normal and accept help when you need it? A slight tremor shook your fingers as you dragged the blanket out of the bed with you, padding towards the door and unlocking it. Faced with the empty corridor in front of your now open door, a sob escaped your lips. Of course, he left. Why would he stick around after you screamed at him like that?

Slinging the blanket around your shoulders, you dragged yourself towards the kitchen- only to stop short at the sight of Chan sitting on the kitchen counter, looking uncharacteristically diminutive with his hunched shoulders. The second he caught sight of you, he jumped off the counter, his soft grey aura barely a fuzzy field around him- thin like he had retreated into himself. Your heart wrenched uncomfortably at the sight- it was your fault he looked like that.

“I get it if you want to break up with me, Y/N.” His voice was quiet, lacking the usually bubbly sunshine that filtered through it. You stared at him incredulously through teary eyes. “W-what?”

“You’ve been avoiding me because you’ve wanted to break up and didn’t know how to say it. Am I right?” He was still speaking quietly, but there was suddenly a tinge of bitterness to it. Did he think that- “Don’t worry, I won’t hate you, I promise-”

“Are you crazy?” The words slipped out of your mouth uninhibited, along with the torrential outburst of tears. “You’re one of the best things that college brought to me, why would I want to break up with you!?” You wailed, sinking to the floor in a puddle of blanket and tears. “College gets to me sometimes Chan,and my parents keep calling to yell at me, and my power goes haywire if I meet too many people and- and-” Your next words were muffled by Chan’s shoulder when he knelt next to you, pulling you into his familiar warmth.

“And I keep feeling like I’m not enough for you,” you mumbled out softly, but Chan’s proximity to you meant he heard the words. He pulled back, a confused look on his face. “I have a power I can barely control, I’m probably the moodiest person you’ve ever met, I’m not particularly pretty either-”

Before you could go on, Chan’s finger on your lips shushed you. “I’m not going to hear any more self-slander until you get yourself freshened up. Eat something, and we can slander ourselves to your hearts’ content. Sounds good?”

Something about that sentence had you giggling waterily, your face reflected in Chan’s eyes when they crinkled in a small smile. “Okay.”

As it turned out, the two of you didn’t indulge in the slander-session at all. Just junk food and atrociously bad horror movies, then Chan calling Jisung to get some of his clothes so he could stay overnight with you. It was warm. Nice. Unforgettable.

Stay, stay, stay I've been loving you for quite some time, time, time

I swear to God, when I come home I'm gonna hold you so close

“How’s home?” You asked, your voice quiet. You were perched on the window seat in your room, watching soft snowflakes float from the night sky down to the ground. “Home’s nice, Seashell.” Chan’s voice was a shot of warmth, shooting across your chest and down your spine. “My mom nearly kicked me out of the house for not bringing you home with me. The family’s dying to meet you.” You giggled into your fingers, the warmth being replaced with something colder, more...bittersweet.

It was halfway through Winter Break, and you’d chosen to come back home with Jennie, as had Chan, whose family lived in the same city as Solis University. While your family was overjoyed to have you back home, it was evident that you’d only returned to the same shattered semblance of a family you’d left behind. You spent your days either cooped up in your room in the name of studies or at Jennie’s place, her parents only too willing to have you over.

Chan, on the other hand, had been raised in a large, happy family that had never known separation. It was obvious, with the way he was so easy with his words, like he’d never had to think twice about his opinions. You wished you could see him in his element, back in his family home- surely he’d look as handsome as he always did, his smile lighting up his eyes and nose permanently tinged pink from the cold…

“I miss you, Chan.” Your voice was quiet, uncertain- saying your true feelings out loud still felt strange sometimes. Your aura shook sadly around you, pulsating around your heart when you heard Chan’s soft sigh. “I miss you too, Seashell. So much.” You could almost envision his grey aura retreating into his skin around him, the thought sending another pang of longing across your mind.

“I regret coming back here. It feels so cold and empty. I miss how Solis feels. With Jennie, and Jinyoung at work, going to Luna’s with you. All of that feels more like home to me than..than this shell I’ve come back to. I’ve always felt that I’d be better off if I never came back here, but I keep doing it anyway in the fear that it might be the wrong choice. They’re family after all. ”

This was no longer home for you. It hadn’t been for years. Home was the family you’d found in Solis University- Jennie, your inner circle of crazy classmates, your manager at your part-time, Chan. Home was the shared apartment with your best friend, the lattes your manager would sneak to you mid-shift, banter with Chan at Luna’s…

“Seashell, if you want to leave, leave.” This was yet another thing you loved about Chan- when it came down to it, he was relentless in making sure you were safe and happy. It was a cutthroat protective instinct that drove him to provide unfiltered advice to anybody that came to him, wanting nothing but the best for the people he cared about- even if it meant destroying some part of himself. “I’m sure Jennie agrees with me when I say that your family hasn’t been a family to you for a long time. You don’t deserve that in your life. Don’t cut them off entirely if you’re not sure. But you came to Solis hoping to distance yourself from them. If you have nothing to lose from the distance, I feel like you shouldn’t wait and think about it anymore.”

His words only echoed the thoughts that had been plaguing the back of your mind ever since you came to Solis. Chan was right, you realised. You really did have nothing to lose. Maybe one day down the line, you’d come to terms with the effect your broken family had left on you, but until then..

Until then, you’d keep your distance, and count your blessings. It was time you learnt to rejoice the future’s possibilities, instead of being bogged down by your past.

“Thank you for being around for me, Chan.” You smiled, the new resolve rushing in your veins giving you a rare sense of peace. “I know it hasn’t been the smoothest time with me, but I’m so grateful you chose to stay.”

“What are you talking about, Seashell? I’ll always choose to be with you. For as long as that choice is in my hands, I’ll always choose you.”

And I'm not scared to say those words With you I'm safe, we're fallin' like the stars, fallin' in love

City of Stars, are you shining just for me?

“That was it for this gorgeous evening, everybody,” Chan’s grin is evident in his voice, you know it too well- you’ve heard it often enough for it to be etched into your mind. A soft smile fluttered across your face, your turquoise aura waving happy waves around your fingers. The buttery yellow of the sun had softened into soft pinks and oranges of a sunset, the day beginning to darken into night.

“Seashell, hope you enjoyed today… and now, it’s time for me to take your leave- Wishing you all an eventful weekend, this has been RJ Chris on Solis FM, we will meet again next Friday!” The usual outro song played, a familiar light melody that Chan and Jisung had slaved over for nights on end- only to be interrupted by the screen lighting up with a call- Speak of the devil.“Hello, boyfriend.” You grinned cheekily when you picked up the call, greeted by an amused scoff. “There are a million other endearments in the word, Seashell, and you still choose the most boring ones.”

“What can I say, you clearly have the interesting nickname part down well enough for the both of us.” Chan let out a laugh at your response- the same familiar laugh that had butterflies erupt in your stomach. Even after almost a year of being with him, you were still blindingly smitten by the handsome sweetheart you could call your own.

“We’re on for Luna’s tonight, yes?” Your heart and your aura both fluttered identically at the question. Memories of your first date with him, the hesitance, surprise and novelty of it all - the two of you had come a long way since then. Chan had booked you for dinner, followed by the birthday party at your apartment that Jennie was setting up for you. “Definitely.”

“I’ll pick you up in 20. See you soon, birthday girl.”

You watched the sun set lower into the horizon, the warm colours giving way for blues and purples. A content sigh escaped your lips, feeling the lightness of your shoulders and the lightness inside you. Your aura flowed like the wind around you, the turbulence that you’d barely been able to deal with calming down as you began to blossom into your own. You’d made a more permanent move to your apartment in Solis soon after Winter Break, much to your parents’ chagrin. But you’d stood your ground and here you were, feeling freer than you had your entire life. Jennie was only too happy to move in with you, and Chan. Chan had been your anchor throughout the fast-paced change of it all, holding you when you felt your resolve crack and letting you fly free whenever you needed it. You didn’t expect to find love in college, too stuck within yourself to entertain the possibility- but you would be eternally grateful to have found somebody like Chan to prove otherwise.

Solis University provided students power in anonymity, but it also gave them the power of making their own choices. You made your choices along the way- with Jennie, your friends, your job and most importantly, Chan. You’d found joy, pain, laughter and fears but your found family had stuck through it all, unflinching and present. Looking back, you couldn’t help but realize you wouldn’t have had it any other way.

And I found love where it wasn't supposed to be, right in front of me

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stevenuniversallyreviews · 4 years

Text

I don’t need you to love me, I love me

I’m gonna miss writing about Pearl.

As the loneliest Crystal Gem, a loyal servant who became a fierce ally, then a spurned lover, then a grieving survivor, Pearl’s story is about discovering who she can be on her own terms. Like Steven, she believes that her value comes from being valued, but unlike Steven, she was literally programmed this way and has an even harder time breaking loose, so she starts off at the toxic level of selfish selflessness that threatens to consume him, directed towards someone who’s been dead for years. She defines herself by her relationships, but struggles with all of them because she only understands a dynamic where one person is superior and the other is inferior; as such, her life is an endless evaluation of whether she’s worse or better than the people around her, thus whether she should be deferential or condescending. Her problem goes beyond not knowing how to develop loving relationships with equals: she doesn’t know how to love herself.

But she changes her mind.

“We need to talk about us.”

The first act of Change Your Mind (which lines up nicely with its first quarter) sets the stage with Blue and Yellow both converting to Steven’s cause, and while compelling, it’s appropriately intense. That intensity gets even higher as the episode continues, but this is still a big finale, so it’s about damn time for some fanservice.

After a quick “go to your rooms” to reinforce that White Diamond is the Diamonds’ mother more than their older sister, Connie gets the body part pun train rolling: “face-off” will soon be followed by “did you have a hand in this?” and “lend me a hand” (which earns a chuckle from Blue), Pink’s legs succumb when Steven takes a knee, and getting into White’s head becomes the primary goal of the second act (so all of this second quarter and most of the third). Still, the levity seems fleeting before two glints in the sky bring us the one-two punch of Bismuth leading the charge and Lapis and Peridot showing off their threads.

Bismuth fits right in as the leader of the B-Team, as beyond her seniority she’s clearly more competent at running a show than the other two (see: The New Crystal Gems). But her reverse electric guitar soon cedes to a glorious harmony of Lapis and Peridot’s themes as we see their new forms: Lapis gets pants and sandals, and Peridot gets ridiculous shades and a trashcan lid, the perfect adaptation of Static’s saucer for the Crystal Gems’ resident raccoon. Peridot goes ham with three stars, while Lapis wears a subtle dark blue variant that includes all five points if we count her legs. For a moment, everything is right in the world.

Their timing couldn’t be better, and not just because we need some stress relief. Steven begins the finale with one friend on his side, then he gets two Diamonds on his side, and now he has three reinforcements on his side, and this growing group of allies all represent what the Big Three Crystal Gems can’t: the family that Steven has chosen, rather than the family he grew up with. These relationships are all a result of his effort, whether going out of his way to befriend Connie or winning over the five former enemies that now stand at his side, and together they‘re one huge reminder that you can reach people if they’re willing to be reached. White Diamond isn’t a villain because she’s cruel, she’s a villain because she quashes any effort to change her mind.

Furthermore, seeing Lapis and Peridot in particular next to a pale, prejudiced, recently-discovered member of Steven’s extended family who disagrees with a parent’s name change evokes that other long episode where Steven went out on a limb to change someone’s mind, and the comparison does wonders for putting White Diamond’s bigotry in perspective.

I’ve already made my defense of Andy, but in short, his irritable first impression masks how open-minded he ends up being. Sure, he has some lousy beliefs, but he’s willing to sit down with folks he disagrees with and try and look for ways to either compromise or straight-up be convinced that those beliefs might be wrong. On its own, Gem Harvest could be read as a little too hopeful, especially as it came out weeks after the 2016 election gave proud bigots the White House, but next to Change Your Mind it expands on the finale’s message: keep an open heart and mind, because people can surprise you if you give them a chance, but don’t let yourself be a doormat in the process.

White Diamond would never have come to the Crystal Gems’ table. She still hasn’t even shown up in person since Legs From Here to Homeworld, using a warped version of the same delegation Steven practices in his talks with the Diamonds: he helps others bring their individual experiences to light, showing that his position isn’t unique, while she blots out their individuality and replaces them with her. Blue and Yellow’s contrast has been a plot point for far longer, but Pink and White (and now Steven and White) are an even starker pair of foils, divided not only by personality but by size and age.

Knowing how hard it will be to reach White, Yellow and Blue again suggest that Steven and the Crystal Gems bail, offering their own ships now that Pink’s is unavailable. While this shows how profoundly they believe in him, it again reveals how unfamiliar these two are with being “good.” Beyond the plan only delaying the inevitable (White Diamond for sure could send more troops to Earth in this scenario), Steven points out that his mother failed in both of her identities to confront the problem in a healthy way, and continuing to avoid it will mean it never gets solved. Rose is still a progression from Pink and Yellow and Blue, as fighting for your beliefs addresses the issue more directly than running away, but Steven in turn is a progression from Rose.

Then Connie’s opening words in Blue and Yellow’s conversions pay off. This time she’s the one ending the conversation, and she’s gained enough of their attention that they don’t write her off as a blathering human. Steven never got to meet Rose, rank-and-file Gems don’t have parents, and White Diamond seems to be the root of it all, so Connie is the ideal voice to reach the Diamond Sisters: she’s the only other person on the planet with a living mother. Where Dr. Maheswaran at her worst once stood in for Yellow Diamond, she can now represent the bigger fish, both in her similar brand of maternal tyranny and in the hope that her attitude can change after a good talk.

And just as Connie takes over Steven’s role as the big finisher for Blue and Yellow, Steven takes over Connie’s role as the voice introducing bigger voices now that it’s time to face White. He works with his aunts to bring his grandmother to a standstill—not by beating her statue-like ship into submission, but by joining the arm-ships to the body and completing the picture—and says his piece briefly before ceding the floor to a pair that White has victimized for far longer than the past week or so.

I love that Yellow is the first to speak, flipping the Diamonds’ conversion order and subverting the notion that the more emotionally open Blue might take the lead. This isn’t just a matter of clarity, but bravery, and Yellow has always been the more confrontational of the pair. It’s also that much more impactful to see Yellow push past her fear and allow herself to be vulnerable, given how hard she’s worked to maintain her air of stoicism. Patti LuPone’s raw power has served the character well, and she keeps up the same petulant energy that saw Yellow dishing about White in Familiar, but now she funnels all of it into a stirring argument against the exacting nature of Homeworld society. And because Yellow helps pave the way, Blue can deepen their point by defending Pink’s role in the quartet and detailing how White’s orders have caused the whole family to suffer.

Steven bookends the Diamonds by suggesting that White can start helping everyone by helping her daughters. Then White shows what kind of “help” she’s willing to provide.

Pink’s former pearl was already proof that White Diamond has the power to possess others, but it’s another thing to see it in action. The whole episode so far has been about building up hope again after Steven is knocked down by Homeworld, but all it takes is one agonizing glare to send everything backwards. Blue and Yellow are even worse off than they were before, and as they’re brought into White’s fold, their arms follow suit. White drops the Crystal Gems and lets them fall, then Steven drops the Crystal Gems and dives after them.

As he slides down alien architecture on his shield, the soundtrack gives a nod to the theme song to prepare us for more fanservice. Now that White has made it clear that talking isn’t going to get us anywhere, it’s time for more action. Now that we’ve established the importance of Steven’s chosen family, it’s time to reconnect with the family he was born into.

Amethyst is first, because of course she is. She’s usually the quickest to reform, and she’s the only Gem that Steven has fused with, so Smoky Quartz is the best start if the goal is reeling off three fusions in a row with a growing sense of excitement. Smoky’s theme heralds this new development with glee, evoking the pure joy of seeing a new fusion from Earthlings as it becomes clear what the show is doing. Fusion has recently featured as a stand-in for marriage and an act of rebellion, but now it represents familial love, and doubles as an elegant plot device to get the poofed crew back in action. The wonder of fusion has always been that beyond whatever metaphor it currently serves, it’s also just a really neat piece of magic that lends itself to awesome visuals, and this whole sequence revels in the glorious spectacle.

Pearl is second, because we’ve already seen another version of Rainbow Quartz, so the biggest reveal is bound to be the Garnet fusion. Rainbow Quartz 2.0 blends the old with the new, immediately showing off the latest clever fusion of weapons (a shield and a spear into a parasol) and introducing a blue jacket that will soon belong to Pearl. The drumkit/chiptune mashup of Smoky’s theme is replaced by a piano/chiptune mashup, and then this new fusion opens their mouth.

Of all of Steven’s fusions with a female or female-presenting partner, this is the one with a male voice actor, and it couldn’t be more perfect. Rainbow Quartz was the only one of Rose’s fusions that we saw, and Now We’re Only Falling Apart shows that she was the second-ever cross-Gem fusion after Garnet (that we know of), so she was clearly something special. Pearl’s romantic interest in Rose complicates matters further, as Rainbow Quartz is an embodiment of a deeply imperfect relationship. This is a character with a lot of baggage, but casting Alastair James puts a hard stop to the idea that this is the same Rainbow Quartz, even before we hear them refer to themself as “2.0.” After the literal nightmare that begins Change Your Mind and the figurative nightmare to come, it’s wonderful to have one more piece of evidence that Steven and Rose are different people.

Amethyst and Pearl, like Lapis and Peridot, get great new looks, and they’ll soon be followed by Garnet (after the commercial break). If this was just for the sake of fanservice, it’d be more than enough: it’s always fun to get outfit changes, and between that and the fusions (including Sunstone and Obsidian; again, after the commercial break!) we get a pleasant treat to sate us between the drama. But as always, the show finds a way to create deeper meaning in the magic.

The Diamonds look the same now as they did thousands of years ago, and one of the reasons why is that they’re unbreakable. Creating a new form requires poofing, which is a very silly way to say that the Crystal Gems have found a way to grow through pain.

Life will always have its share of pain. Part of growing up, maybe the biggest part, is figuring out what you’re going to do about it. The Diamonds react to pain by closing themselves off and letting their problems fester rather than addressing them head-on. But over the course of the series, Lapis and Peridot and Amethyst and Pearl and Garnet have put in the work to learn from their pain and heal, and because they’re literal projections of their true selves, they get a physical manifestation of that growth that can only come after weathering one more blow.

To be clear, pain itself shouldn’t be glamorized. It sucks, and it’s okay if your reaction is to take care of yourself rather than use it for Creative Fuel. But the Crystal Gems are what happens when you deal with your pain, and the Diamonds are what happens when you don’t. And because Steven shares the legacy of both, Steven Universe is about him helping others through their pain and Steven Universe Future is about finally confronting his own.

We end with the most frustrating commercial break of the three, coming right in the middle of the second act, so we’ll just keep on going with fusions and new outfits next time. But if we have to stop partway through a scene, at least we get a Monty Python Foot to stamp out the first half of Change Your Mind.

I Can’t Believe We’ve Come So Far

Hilary Florido is the only storyboarder with their own recurring segment in Steven, Universally. But every other storyboarder had plenty of opportunities to make a fully realized High School AU in their promo art, and none of them did, so that’s on them.

Florido is obviously more than her promo art, but it speaks to a specific level of nerdy passion that made her and longtime coboarder Jesse Zuke so dang good at Peridot episodes, starting with just their second collaboration, the iconic Catch and Release. From there they gave us Too Far and Log Date 7 15 2 and Barn Mates and Too Short to Ride and Beta and Gem Harvest, and Florido kept the ride going with Raising the Barn. Peridot would not be Peridot without Hilary Florido.

In terms of more serious clods, Florido is the only person to board all three Kevin appearances (Alone Together with Rebecca Sugar and first regular coboarder Katie Mitroff, Beach City Drift with Zuke, and Kevin Party with final regular coboarder Danny Cragg, who also stopped boarding after the movie). She gave us as Ronaldo at his worst in Rocknaldo and Aquamarine at her worst in I Am My Mom. And as if she needed further proof of her prowess with harrowing material, she gave us Alone at Sea and A Single Pale Rose.

It’s weird to attribute good Steven writing to any one boarder, given he’s in every episode but Jungle Moon and he’s generally pretty great, but Florido worked on some of the most important moments of Steven letting us into his deeper thoughts: she’s behind him getting real with the Cool Kids in Joy Ride, with Amethyst in Steven vs. Amethyst, and with himself in a rare monologue in Lion 4. His ability to discuss the uncomfortable subtext of Mystery Girl’s visual similarity to Rose is key to the magnificent tone of Last One Out of Beach City, and his introspection about his mother’s older identity is just as important to Familiar.

In short, Hilary Florido rocked at characters with rough edges, whether it was Peridot’s ornery id, a bevy of outright villains ruining everyone’s day, normally sympathetic characters doing dubious things, or Steven giving himself enough of a break to complain. She stepped up as a storyboard supervisor for Steven Universe Future, but even if she hadn’t, her legacy would be secure.

(Frankly it’d be secure even if the only thing she gave us was this.)

#change your mind #steven universe #su #steven universally #review

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insipidenvy · 3 years

Note

Yo I really like your fics! They’re so good ❤️❤️ I was wondering if you have any recommendations for other HanaNene fics?

Awawawa-- Thank you?! I haven’t been feeling really confident in my writing recently, so seeing this ask really lifts my mood!

Oh boy, HanaNene fic recs? These are probably going to overlap with a lot of other wonderful writers and you’ve most likely read these, but:

Supernatural Stakeout at the Kamome Science Museum! by thatsrightdollface (@thatsrightdollface)

If you love introspection, a slice of life AU, and mystery, this fic is for you! It’s a wonderful story set in a museum, the relationship between Amane and Nene is wonderfully developed!

for real, this time by sourlemoncandy (@sour-lemon-candy)

Fake Dating AU! With Peach’s writing, it’s such a cute fic. The pining and misunderstanding? A great cliffhanger! As of answering this ask, it is in progress, but it’s definitely worth reading!

Like Glass, You Shatter by SapphiraLua

When the angst has gone too far, we need some fluff. And when we want some fluff, we want Hanako and Nene to finally get together. This story is just so sweet, it’s the confession we wish would just happen in canon already.

Haunted Carnival by Sharkbytez ( @shxrkbytez)

A short and adorable Spooktober fic! It’s very cute, a fluffy way to celebrate Halloween. Please give this a read, it’ll be well worth it!

now sleeps the crimson petal, now the white by Soqquadro (@non-writingwriter)

One of the first stories I read on ao3, it’s a canon compliant Hanahaki AU. The writing is wonderful, definitely give this a read!

long after you're gone by dearmoonlight

Again, one of the first stories I read when I got into the fandom, but what an impact it made on me! A reincarnation AU, found family, everything ends up alright in the end, this fic made me think, ‘I wouldn’t mind if this is how things end.’ Mind the warning in the beginning, however.

Red String of Fate by Legend_of_cupcake (@legend-of-cupcake)

Every chapter in this fic is amazing! it covers so many emotions and genres, each unique yet relatable in many ways.

but i knew you — your heartbeat on a highline, once in twenty lifetimes and 'Cause I Remember the Rush, When Forever Was Us by sincerelyand (@sunlightinourheadlights)

I will never forgive Karen for making me cry. Just kidding. But her writing is superb, you’re a changed person after reading her stories.

Headache Over Heels In Love and Shared Wishes by corologs (@corologs)

Courtney’s fics are all wonderful, her College AU always brightens my days! Shared Wishes covers a serious topic, but it’s something I think you should give a shot if you’re comfortable with the topic. Heed the tags.

From Eden and Take My Breath Away by Hammsters (@uglierdaikon)

All I can say is that you’ll have a wonderful time with these stories. Erin’s writing is something I wish I could achieve, it’s amazing how much emotion you can weave into every action and detail. From Eden had a mystical and mysterious feel, and Take My Breath Away was haunting. It brought me back to my childhood where I’d believe in superstitions. Creepy Hanako Agenda Queen (and Lemon Cult Leader).

Bind Me Tight To You and The Flavors of Friendship (or How to Become the Mokke Queen in Five Easy Steps) by Baronesscmd (SweeterThanYourDarkestSin) (@baronesscmd)

These are among my favorite from Cat! Bind Me Tight To You is another reincarnation AU, but you can observe how Tuschigomori and even Yako think of the reincarnated kids. And The Flavors of Friendship (or How to Become the Mokke Queen in Five Easy Steps) is just so cute!

whoever made your smile must’ve made it to get in my way by krispytine (@krispyt)

A bit on the angsty side, Hanako is a grim reaper in charge of leading a terminally ill Nene to her death but he’s not so willing to do so. The moments they have together are so sweet and poignant, definitely check this out!

Still Lake, Wrought Iron and The Tiniest Spark by Indigo_Floof (@indigosienna)

Both stories, I think, capture the same emotion, even if the plot is very different. There’s something about the awe Hanako holds for Nene in Still Lake, Wrought Iron that’s intriguing. The Tiniest Spark is a story where Nene is able to protect Hanako like she vowed to do in canon; a soft story.

Implicit by DaikonSenpai (@daikonsenpai)

One of the few AU fics she has, I love how in character and natural the story is. Amane being a flustered boy will never not make me smile.

12 Year Romance by lilaflo (@istoleyourboat)

One of my favorites from Roxanne! I think she did an excellent job capturing the troubles of getting someone to recognize your feelings when there’s an age gap between you. It’s so heartwarming to see Nene and Amane’s relationship grow and develop as the years pass. Definitely check it out!

Scale for a Wish by starrylitme (@magioftheseas)

Nene and Hanako’s dynamic are on point and such a joy to read in this fic! Nene in particular, is so in character, it feels like she and Hanako had been gently tossed from canon into this new setting.

Morning Reflections by FalalalaLa (@miss-sternennacht)

The first story I read from Sora, it’s such a soft fic. Domestic AmaNene that’s enough to soothe the ache of canon. If you love domestic fluff, I implore you to check this out!

Caveat Lector and A Bird in the Hand by WingSongHalo (@wingsonghalo)

I’ve yet to finish reading all of Wing’s fics, but from the ones I read, I’ll just be frank: I love every single one of them, choosing my favorites was very hard! These two in particular are very sweet. Wing does quite a bit of research for each of her fics and it’s very obvious she cares for what she writes. Give these two a read, they’re wonderful stories.

I hope these helped you a bit! I listed a few fics from these writers, but I definitely suggest you read all of their fics. They’re wonderful writers with fantastic stories out there.

#rukaanswers

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movedto-erodasghosts · 4 years

Text

cardigan | harry styles

moved blogs - @erodasghosts

Description: somewhat poorly written fic where they missed out on their opportunity when y/n returned Harry’s cardigan

Warnings: none?

Word count: ~3.6k

a/n: this was written for @harrysleftchelseaboot’s writer appreciation prompt list using the prompts “I never meant for it to happen like this.” And “I love you. I’ll love you for the rest of my life. Even if you don’t love me back, and even if we both move on, there will always be a part of me that will always love you no matter what.”

masterlist

————

“You can’t just keep stealing all of them,” Harry laughed, searching through your closet and finding many of his missing cardigans.

You were grinning as you watched him from your bed, currently wearing the cardigan he wore to your house that day over your shoulders, preparing to take it too. He really didn’t mind but his closet was lacking too many now.

“You’re the one that leaves them here all the time.” You sat up, “Besides, you get them back.”

“I leave them because you are wearing them every time I get ready to go,” he defended himself. “And I get them back in piles like this. It’s not ideal.”

You shrugged and teased, “They look better on me anyway, you should just leave them.”

He chuckled and shook his head, turning around to put his gatherings on your bed. He agreed with what you said, he also just thought you looked better in everything of his in general, even if the clothing was stolen. You were so often wearing his stuff it was like you hardly owned your own wardrobe.

“You’re taking my shirts now too, don’t think I haven’t noticed,” he held up a shirt he found within the mess.

He had no idea that that was where his shirt ended up, he should’ve guessed it though.

“I’ve had that one for months and you didn’t even notice!” You took it from him. “C’mon, just leave this one?”

“That one?” His gaze followed you, “There are more shirts?!”

You bit your lip and stood to put the shirt away. “I mean, maybe a few? They’re being cleaned though so you’ll have to get them next time.”

So you actually wore them around? And you had recently, most likely while he was just gone on tour. He would have guessed you did wear his stuff from time to time, considering you took and kept so much of it, but having it confirmed was different. The thought made him happy, though he couldn’t say why.

“At least you’re getting use out of them,” he sighed and sat at the end of your bed.

Harry smiled to himself, seeing you had on his cardigan despite the conversation. He knew he’d leave it there again, just to have this conversation another time. You wondered to yourself what he’d think when he found out you had stolen a pair of his gloves too, among who knows what else.

You were known for borrowing his clothes, seeing as it started when you were teenagers. There came a point where he wasn’t really sure how or when you started to steal his clothes, it was going on for so many years at this point that he lost track. The first time you ever borrowed something of his it was just his jacket. It was a very movie cliché moment where he gave it to you because you were cold. And, yes, it made your heart skip a beat, you were young. While you did tend to be colder than him, you didn’t always take his stuff for that reason.

One reason you took his stuff was because he did have a good taste, you loved most stuff he owned. You had even gone on shopping trips with him so he could help you pick out some new favorites. Another reason you would wear it was to get that feeling of closeness when he was gone, or even while he was there. Wearing his stuff, and him occasionally wearing yours, was another way you would try to express your feelings to one another in hopes that the other might notice.

A lot of your friends would call you out on it, along with all of the other things you and Harry did that was more than just friendly behavior. Yet, you continued to deny it.

Maybe you denied it out of fear, fear of confronting your feelings after dancing around them for so many years. You were never really sure how Harry felt for you and you didn’t want to risk the close knit relationship you had already built with him, the same reason he never said anything to you either.

But small moments like this made Harry regret never telling you. It was simple and not really special since you had a very similar conversation at least once a month, but that was just why he found some joy in it.

“They do look better on you, y’know.” He sighed, “Which makes me hate to have to put it on myself after seeing you in it.”

You laughed and turned to face him, “Liar. You’re so cocky when you wear these.”

“Maybe it’s because I know you’ve worn them. That would be reason enough,” He grinned.

“Uh huh,” you scoffed. “Or maybe because you know how good you look in them.”

“But I know I’ll never look as good as you.”

You rolled your eyes, gently pushing on his shoulder as he laughed. He wasn’t joking, though he was trying to be a bit dramatic. Of course he knew he looked good in them, he was too full of himself not to, but that wasn’t his biggest motivation.

Wearing your things, or his own clothes that you had worn before, brought him a form of comfort. It allowed him to think of all the memories of the times you had worn them.

Moments where being around each other could be so comfortable and casual. Where you wanted to be closer but were too afraid to actually do it. And, of course, times when you stole them too, he mostly laughed at those memories. He found himself thinking about it a lot, especially when he was gone on tour for longer periods.

Did it hold the same meaning to you? He figured you just did it out of convenience or because you were friends and had become so comfortable with one another. Both of you chalked it up to nothing more than the result of a long term friendship.

One day, after years of confliction, you told yourself that it was time to let your crush on him go. Your lives were heading in completely different directions. He was way more busy, gone from home often, and was just getting an entirely different lifestyle. It was time to face reality, no matter how hard it was.

Harry was tooth rottenly sweet. And having known each other for so long you were more comfortable around him than anyone else. You still made time for him, sometimes before anyone else out of eagerness. And he made sure to make time for you when he was home, often putting you on the top of his priorities. It wasn’t like you were just drifting apart, both of you worked to maintain your friendship.

That made it harder to move on, but you tried your best to work at it still. It seemed like the best thing for both of you. You were both doing things that held you back in your lives, only because you refused to talk about it with each other.

It seemed like as you were trying to distance yourself further he only did something to pull you closer, which made you question if he knew what he was doing. At first he didn’t see it, it started out small. You were trying to become more mindful of your behavior around him, stopping yourself from doing things that people who are just friends wouldn’t do.

No longer would you be found with an arm wrapped around him at most times, the closeness only made butterflies fill your stomach. You stopped running your fingers through his hair as much, it was too blissful to keep going. He especially noticed that you stopped resting a sweet kiss on his cheek at random yet perfectly timed moments, which was the first to go.

Though he immediately noticed these changes he tried to shrug it off. Without realizing he started doing those things to you in greater numbers, in an attempt to make up for what your relationship was now lacking. It confused him, he wondered if you were upset with him but he didn’t know what he might’ve done wrong. He tried to ask in various ways and did eventually decide to ask straightforward.

When confronted you just simply said you weren’t upset, but you didn’t go on to explain what was going on either. You couldn’t, that would mean you would have to tell him about why you were trying to become more distant in the first place. This left him in a helpless position. It was clear that something wasn’t right.

“You’ve got sticky hands,” he pointed to his cardigan you were wearing. “But you aren’t very sly.”

You smiled, “Apparently I am though, I trick you every time.”

He ducked his head and laughed. “You don’t trick me every time.”

“No?” You challenged him. “Then how do you always end up leaving without your cardigan?”

“Because, you said it yourself.” He gently tugged on the hem of the cardigan, “It looks better on you.”

Mindlessly your hand was drifting to rest on his arm, you quickly caught yourself and froze your actions. Instead, you brushed your hair behind your ear and crossed your arms. This wasn’t getting any easier.

“It’s getting late,” you cleared your throat. “I know you have early plans tomorrow, so you should probably go to get some rest.”

Harry frowned as you took a step back. You were doing it again, deflecting and pushing him away. He couldn’t figure it out.

“I could stay a little while longer. It’s not even ten yet.” He pointed to the time.

He was right, and normally he would stay well past that and often he would actually end up spending the night. You decided that was fine from time to time. Friends stay at each other’s houses, just not three nights in a row.

“I didn’t sleep well last night,” You shrugged the cardigan off your shoulders. “By the time you make it home and get your cardigans put away it’ll be later.”

You placed the cardigan on the pile with the others, then picking them up to hand them to Harry. He smiled weakly in response, he got the message. You never just handed his cardigans over, he always had to come collect them just to lose another.

“Aren’t you going to keep this one a while?” He picked the top cardigan up and held it out to you.

Did you want to keep it? Absolutely. But you knew that doing that less was a part of letting go.

“I’ve still got a few of your things, it’s fine.” You opened your bedroom door for him, “And like you said, I’ve got to stop stealing them so much.”

He nodded sadly, placing it back down. You quietly exchanged good nights and he made his way home. It was odd to leave like that, so melancholy. There was definitely something going on, he needed to figure out what it was.

You noticed his reaction, it was obvious that he knew something was up. You knew that you wouldn’t get away with it for long but part of you wished that you would. A problem was, you never planned what you would do if he started to figure it out. You didn’t want to think about any situation where you might have to expose yourself further.

No one could understand why you were doing what you were doing. They didn’t understand because they were seeing a bigger picture than you. They saw Harry’s feelings for you, they knew that there was more to it than just a friendship. And no matter how hard everyone around the two of you tried to make you see it, you remained oblivious.

Over the next few weeks Harry found himself in similar situations, where you would push him further and further away. He couldn’t understand it. One minute things were normal, you were talking and laughing with one another like there was nothing wrong. The next minute you were suddenly cold, coming up with any excuse to put some space between him and you.

Honestly, he was beginning to miss you. He missed your grazing hands, your entangled legs, your head on his shoulder. Spending time with you became so ordinary, and not in a blissful sense. Where did he go wrong?

It made him feel selfish. He wanted all of these things from you, expected them even. He returned them, but that didn’t feel like enough. How could he ask for all of those things, things one only tends to find in a relationship, yet hide his true feelings about it?

It was becoming more and more clear how much you meant to him. How reliant did he become? Just a few weeks without as much affection and he felt so uneasy. He tried to fill in the lack of affection but was slowly giving up on that as you pushed further and further away. Maybe it was time to confront it all.

“Are you sure everything is fine?” He broke the silence. “I didn’t do something to upset you?”

You froze, really hoping you would’ve never had to hear him ask that again. The first time he asked you could easily get him to brush it off, but now? Had you really been so obvious about it?

“Harry,” you began.

“Y/n, come on.” He was hesitant, “Something is off, you’ve been… different around me. I just don’t know why, so did I do something?”

“No, you haven’t done anything.” You had to be careful with your words. “We’re fine, really.”

Your answer wasn’t satisfying, it was far from believable too. He could tell you didn’t want to talk about it, and normally he wouldn’t press but it was necessary this time.

“If we’re fine why are you becoming so distant?”

You stood up, going to your kitchen. “We have been hanging out like normal.”

“Normal amount of time maybe,” he followed. “But it’s not the same.”

You weren’t going to be able to avoid it any longer, that didn’t mean you wouldn’t try to though.

“What do you mean?” You avoided eye contact, reaching for a cup.

“You know what I mean,” he stood beside you. “I mean that you’ve stopped. You stopped messing up my hair just to fix it, you’ve stopped with the constant hugs and pecks on the cheek. You haven’t stayed later than eight at my place, you didn’t keep my cardigan the other day or even try to keep multiple.”

“You’re reading too much into nothing,” you mumbled.

Harry felt his heart fall a bit. He had been telling himself that for weeks, it was becoming more evident that it wasn’t true though. You were still being avoidant though, he had to remind himself of that.

“Am I? I’m just worried, okay?” He licked his lips, “I don’t want us to drift away.”

He had every right to be asking these questions and pointing those things out to you, you knew that. But still, you wished he wouldn’t.

You didn’t think he would’ve noticed certain things he had pointed out, how much more had he noticed? It even seemed like he was missing them, maybe he was. You didn’t want to let yourself too much of it though.

“It’s not you,” your focus was on the cup.

He leaned closer to you, “So what is it?”

“I just—“ you weren’t ready. “I never meant for this to happen.”

Harry was confused by everything. What did you mean by that? You still refused to look at him, afraid you might spill if you did. It only made him more concerned, it seemed bigger than what he thought.

“Meant for what to happen?” He rest his hand on your shoulder, trying to comfort you.

It felt like a weight on you, rather than doing any help. You were used to his touch taking weight off of you and reassuring you that everything would be okay, but for the first time it was the opposite.

“Nothing,” you faked a smile. “Sorry I’ve been weird.”

You took his hand off, going to fill your cup with water. You needed to get away again. It was too soon to talk about something that you weren’t even completely over yet. He did deserve an explanation and you knew that, you just weren’t capable of giving one.

“Can we talk about this? Please?” He ran a hand through his hair, “I just want to know why things are changing so suddenly. Why are you so dead set on distancing yourself now? What did I do?”

“Nothing,” you repeated.

He knew you were stubborn, he also knew you were hiding something. It was eating him alive. There were so many possibilities as to what the issue was. He didn’t know if it was him, if something was going on in your life to change things, if you were just growing tired of all the pining.

“Clearly something happened, you can’t deny that.” He chuckled nervously, “At least tell me some bit of truth. I just… I don’t want to lose you and it really feels like I am.”

You were blinking rapidly, trying to hold back your tears. You were thankful that your back happened to be toward him so he couldn’t see you cry. If you said anything he would surely hear a crack in your voice though. Staying silent was no good either though, you would have to say something eventually.

“Maybe it’s good we put some distance between us,” you turned around. “We acted like… like we were more than we were—are. It was… messing with me. I just need some distance.”

You noticed it too? But you didn’t seem to feel the same. You wanted distance, you wanted to stay just friends. It hurt, to say the least, but he was doing his best to just be relieved that he finally sort of knew what was going on.

“Look, I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” He fiddled with his rings.

“No, you…” you squeezed your eyes shut, “you didn’t. It was me. I got ahead of myself, I shouldn’t have done those things in the first place an—“

“I did them too,” he interrupted. “I guess it was both of us.”

Letting out a sigh you paused. At least you didn’t have to directly say it.

“I can’t do that anymore,” you explained. “I can’t pretend that it didn’t have an effect on me. We— I have to move on.”

Harry could believe what he was hearing. After all of those years of telling himself you’d never see him as more than a friend you were saying, what? That you did have feelings for him, at least at some point? And he completely messed it up.

He hoped it wasn’t too late to fix it.

“Can I just say something?” He continued when you gave a nod in response, “I know that you don’t want to talk about it really, and I don’t want to assume anything you may or may not be saying but… I love you, I have loved you for some years now an—

“Harry, don’t.” You sat your cup down, shaking your head. “Please don’t do this.”

“Just hear me out?” He gently held your hands in his own.

It felt warm again, comforting. You hesitantly agreed, knowing whatever was about to be said would likely hurt.

“I love you,” he continued. “I don’t think anyone knows me the way you do, and I don’t think anyone else ever could. And I know that our relationship has been… weird, and I know that you have things you need to work through.”

This is the conversation you wished you had with him years ago, you were waiting for it for so long. Now it was happening and you felt conflicted. It wasn’t as simple as it could’ve been, you were supposed to be moving on.

“Harry, I—“ you pulled your hands away, “I can’t do this now. I’ve been waiting for so long to hear you say that, I had to stop waiting at some point.”

He knew, deep down, that it was too late. He saw the signs months ago, when you had begun to push him away. It still felt like he had to tell you this. It made him feel selfish again though.

“I understand,” he smiled weakly. “Just know that… I’ll love you for the rest of my life. Even if you don’t love me back, and even if we both move on, which I hope you’re able to better after this. There will always be a part of me that will always love you, no matter what.”

There was nothing to say, nothing to do. It was too late in a way, but at the same time this was the moment you were waiting for for all of those years. You weren’t sure what to say, and he didn’t expect you to say anything. A part of you wanted to tell him you felt the same, because a part of you did. But another part of you was saying you needed to keep moving on.

Maybe you both had missed your chance when you returned the first cardigan.

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