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cinnanamii · 2 days

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Ganjis 3rd year birthday letter and the heavy mischaracterization of the characters in game 3/just ranting about the birthday letter

(⚠️⚠️‼️THIS POST WILL BE DISCUSSING LEAKS/SLIGHT SPOILERS FOR GAME 3 OF IDV!! IF YOU DONT WANT TO BE SPOILED ON GANJIS 3RD YEAR LETTER OR GAME 3, SCROLL AWAY PLEASE! AND ALSO KEEP IN MIND, I AM NOT A GAME 3 EXPERT! IF I GET ANYTHING WRONG FEEL FREE TO CORRECT ME!!‼️⚠️⚠️)

Ganjis 3rd year letter was leaked recently (you can probably find post about it on tiktok and on discord servers) and I am so far beyond unimpressed and disappointed.

To start out this yap session/rant, I’m going to list the characters serial numbers, so that you can know who I will be talking about so that you can get a grip on what I will be discussing.

• 3-1-2 is anne

• 3-?-1 is aesop

• 3-1-4 is ganji

• 3-?-3 is Victor

The fact that netease decided to fill the letter with shock value racism, ruin annie as a character, and just ruined Ganjis character arc, and basically made Victor useless is so BEYOND me. This is a a lot, so I wanna start by talking about the blatant mischaracterization of annie and ganji in this letter.

To start off, they made annie so unnecessarily, hateful and racist towards ganji. It would make sense for annie to be afraid of loud noises, as they did introduce her as a timid woman, but making her afraid of ganji and becoming violent to him because of his accent is so beyond me. The whole reason why annie attacked ganji was originally because aesop manipulated annie into hurting him, not that annie got scared of the way he spoke? Plus, due to her timid and sweet girl type personality i could never see annie physically fighting/attacking ganji, it’s just not something that would happen. How could she ever have the confidence to do that, when she was literally scared of ganji? Then, on top of that, annie wouldn’t be provoked by his accent so easy? In her trailer, she was literally described to be like her mother, who was very nice, that being a trait annie had. So for her to just go attacking him so so EXTREMELY out of character for her.

Then, next screenshot I’m showing right now is the shock value racism randomly put in this for god who knows why?

“unfavorable impression” caused by 3-1-4’s accent? This is so ooc for annie, it feels like a poorly written oc/au. The antagonization of annie feels so unnecessary and just not needed. Game 3 might not have had a Hunter, but it did have an antagonist, that being aesop. The whole antagonization doesn’t feel right for her at all.

Then now, I wanna talk about Victor. One of the main things in game 3 is that they were not able to talk or communicate with each other. if they were able to do that, what’s the point of him even being here if they could already speak verbally? His writing was already kinda not the best, but this entire letter takes whatever relevance he had to the plot away. He needs to get something consistent, or else in this case his character is just useless. It’s completely unfair that aesop is able to get clear motivations and goals, but the other characters goals and aspirations just get handled horribly.

Game 3 was so unique in the way it functioned, and with the characters that were so similar, but so different at the same time. What could have been a group of compelling a deeply well written characters now feel like a dumpster fire or mischaracterization and the severe lack of coherence. All just from one letter too. This feels like a big fat slap in the face for me as someone who loved game 3, and all of the characters for game 3, ESPECIALLY annie, and if you loved game three, also this should feel like a slap in the face for you too.

**im aware that this is a leak, and it could be potentially false, but this has been on my mind practically ever since I heard of it, and everything is just so absurd.**

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aroace-cat-lady · 6 months

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Okay I have like ten minutes I'm gonna try to write all my thoughts about THE LAST SHADOWHUNTER (please be aware the maker of this post is extremely sleep deprived and in finals)

So, last year I made this post that was like "imagine the shadowhunter duty ends and now you have this whole ass civilization that's lived apart from the world since the beginnings of time and now their only duty is over and have to somehow carry on with that, like there's this fundamental part of their identity that just doesn't matter anymore, but they can finally have normal and peaceful lives". Now that's bittersweet if you ask me.

HOWEVER that's not what I'm gonna talk about right now, just a possibility that I'd like to put in everyone's minds (cuz crazy theories are my thing and I'm still haunted by this thought)

Now, I think about the last prince of hell. My best shot right now is that that's Lucifer (just think about it: the last king of faerie is gonna be an intro that's way too heavy, [the CC style] and somehow the gang is gonna find a way to exile eight out of nine and be like Yeah that's all everybody see you at Christmas, then Bad Thing Is Revealed and we're sobbing again. Or maybe they happen at the same time. Cassie likes to have fun with that). If Lucifer is the threat now, we are done. (Like, not done done, just holy mother of god take us out of this done, ya know?)

My first thought (as usual 😔) was Kit (IM A BASIC BITCH OKAY?) but I don't know. That'd be too easy (but I'm not taking him off the list completely). I saw some saying it might be Tessa (which would be cool as fuck) but Tessa already had her story and Cassie is known for letting each generation shine at their own time.

So, I decided to empower my most unlikely theories, and put my money on Ash. I am not an Ash expert, so I apologize in advance if I've got things wrong. But I'm of the idea Ash is in such an interesting position cuz he's had the opportunity to learn from three of the characters that despite shadowhunters the most. However, he is a shadowhunter himself, but doesn't feel any alienation to them (and either to the faeries as far as I'm aware? I think he sees himself as a completely different creature than those around him cuz He Has Gone Thru It™ but that's a conversation for another post). For what I know, at the end of the day Ash is just a kid that has never been seen as a person. He's always being the weapon, the trophy or the treasure. And out of all the cast, I think Ash has the potential to go thru the most devastating heart wrenching and infamous story line to get to that point.

And there's also the possibility it's a character that has not been introduced and we're just putting on our clown make up 🫠

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snenbubs · 5 months

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I've been reading your work for a while now and the way you write for Mammon is amazing, you're definitely my favourite writer for him. So I was wondering if you aren't too busy if could you please write breakup headcanons for mammon

HELLO! Thank you so, so much!!! It means so much to me that you enjoy what I write! Most of it is my delerious train of thought at like 1am so im honestly shocked at the amount of support ive been getting!

ANYWAYS, ONTO THE HCS!

HB MAMMON X GN!READER, BREAKUP HCS

I'm assuming you meant like, if you broke up with Mammon? If thats not what u meant just send in another anon! I wont mind :3

- Okay, first of all, how dare you?

- He is, the Mammon. You don't just decide when things are over!

- You were smart enough to break it off with him over text, rather than in person, because he absolutely would throw a scene. No matter where you are, public or private. Think Sarah Lynn level shit.... like, literally stabbing himself, in public, to prove a point.

- What is the point? That he loves you!

- He's especially pissed off about the fact that you broke it off with him though. It bruised his ego, he would much, much prefer it if he had been the one to have broken up with you. He would have never done that though.

- He would go through the five stages of grief 100%

- For the first few days he's in DEEP denial about it. He'd go about life as though the two of you were still together, even though you weren't there.

- Pretending that you were on a work trip or something really helped. It gave him a sense of hope that one day you'd return to him, and he'd feel your warm body embraced against his once again.

- But you and Mammon were a big public thing, like, everyone knew about you. So, people started to notice your absence. Where you would always be by his side now bore an empty pocket of air. People started questioning it;

- From simple posts online to 666News interviews asking him invasive questions regarding your lack of publicity. It pissed him right off, because he couldn't pretend you were still with him whilst constantly being reminded that you weren't.

- And then you spoke up about the breakup.

- You made a Tweet regarding the status of your relationship. Que the next stage...

- With the world now aware of your distanced status Mammon was bombarded with crude comments and remarks, from your fans and haters, to his fans and haters. It'd range from "Wow Mammon fumbled the bag hard." to "Now that Mammon is single do you think he'll start letting groupies backstage ?"

- He actually refused to show up to a lot of interviews and talk-shows because every single time theu brought up the headline, he would get so, so angry. He's almost torn through an interviewer once or twice.

- His bargaining phase was the absolute worst phase though.

- Thousands of calls a day, and an equal level of voice messages followed by hundreds of texts. You'd block his number and then BAM, another number calls you. He manipulates the phone manufacturer of Hell to give him an unlimited free supply of phones so expect him to not let up in that department.

- You know that meme where the person is stood outside the door, crying, with an umbrella over their head and fake rain over them. That's him.

- He gets Beelzebub to provide the fake rain and probably prepared a whole speech to recite to you... its not that good though, most of it is deflective bullshit. He wont take his own problems into account at all.

- If you don't take him back after that then he may even resort to the old boombox by the window trick.

- I don't think he'd hit the depression or acceptance stages of grief, though. He's a tempermental character and he resorts to anger if something doesn't go his way. So the traits he shows through this whole ordeal is frustration and desperation.

- He has a strict victim complex too. So he's most likely never going to understand what he did wrong in the relationship.

- Even if he did realise what he did however, he isn't apologising. He expects you to understand and forgive him despite this.

-It would take him a long while to get over you.

-You were one of the only people who would put up with his shitty personality, who could make him feel so loved and adored. It had been a long, long time since someone had made him feel such a way. It was such a fleeting experience, and he will not be recovering from the loss of your love any time soon.

This is a little short, so I do apologise! I hope you enjoy it anon :)

#helluva boss x reader #mammon hb #mammon hb x reader #hb mammon #mammon helluva boss #hb mammon x reader #headcannons #breakup headcannons

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gamermattsgf · 3 months

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hey ik this isn’t a req but do you have any tips on writing fics?? im planning on writing and posting on my blog and you’re one of my biggest inspos so i’d love to hear your advice!!!

HIIIII, I’m so sorry I’ve gotten to u so late. I’ve been a bit MIA on here for a while because of stuff going on in my personal life, however, I would love love love to give you some of my personal tips :))

Another anonymous has asked something similar so this is also for them if they’re seeing this!! 🎀

Tip 1 : I’d say my first and most important tip is detail. In my own personal experience, people get bored of reading the exact same generic language used in the same way, if ur going to use generic language then as long as u can manipulate it to make it look pleasing + make it flow, you’ll be fine. People enjoy a story much more if it’s packed full of detail because they’ll be able to visualise it better. And yes, although sometimes it can be draining and you can get bored constantly having to put in detail, trust me, push through it and the writing will be much nicer in the end.

Tip 2 : my second tip is pretty simple, but much needed. DON’T GET LAZY WITH TENSE / PARAGRAPH SPACING AND PUNCTUATION. Obviously, it’s an absolute bitch trying to proofread everything, but when you don’t and someone is reading something with a bunch of typos + different tenses in it, it just looks poor and messy, especially when your paragraphing is all over the place, so be aware of that.

Tip 3 : Again, this is personal preference for me, but I’m often more drawn to stories that are unique / have specific character aesthetics. Don’t get me wrong, I love a simple reader x bf!Matt or bf!Chris, but don’t be afraid to shake it up a little. Maybe they’ve got a unique aesthetic? Or something that they really like? Or they have a specific piercing/tattoo (I could go on with this but I think you get the idea lol).

Tip 4 : PLOT. It’s important to build up character relationships and equally build up the atmosphere and vibe of your fic, don’t skip it just to get straight to the good bit, because 9/10 times it’s not worth it because your piece of writing lacks flow. Plus plot is so fun to write in my opinion, sometimes I get bored of writing smut because the actual characters are more interesting haha. (Side note: I wanna start writing angst and tooth rot for you guys 💀)

Tip 5 : finally, if you’re wanting to write about Matt and Chris, I think it’s essential you get each of their mannerisms right. You know you’re reading something good when you can actually picture them saying / doing what’s written down in the fic. Also I know this is weird but clothes are important, you need to make sure you write them into something they would / could pull off because it boosts your writing. Equally, if your going to use pet names, make sure it’s something you can picture them saying, if you can’t visualise it in their voice in your head, then don’t use it because I guarantee you it’ll also come out wrong in the reader’s head.

💋: that’s pretty much my 5 main tips that I live by whilst writing, if anyone needs any more help don’t be shy to message me :) thank you for even wanted my advice on the matter, it means a lot to me that people take inspiration from what I write.

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nin-deer · 2 months

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Ch 143

i mean i think we all knew deep down the kiss was gonna happen based on the flow of the story but i think this chap reveals a lot about gorou and sarina

(uh warning this got a little out of hand so its pretty long lmao)

so.

i dont think anyone's completely in the wrong, but i definitely don't think they're in the right either. (not that i condone incest; its just that their motivations led them to this specific point. would the story have been fine without it? hell yeah. please i actually prefer it that way. but this is the direction the author decided to take it, so we have to take it as it is as a point of learning more about the character's motivations)

Let's first analyze sarina and gorou's relationship pre-reincarnation. I think I covered this in my last post where I rambled about onk, but gorou is doing a doctor thing where he "accepts" sarina's proposal just to make her happy. We learn in this new chapter that he basically catered to her every request, and that's what started that infatuation. we know from previous chapters that her bio family's shitty, so the only place she would get this love is from gorou. we also learn in this chapter that it's not actually a romantic love but a fanatic love, for lack of better terms. she sees him as her idol. does sarina even know what it feels to be romantically in love with someone? she spent her whole first life in a hospital, isolated from others her age. she spent her second life very curated and protected because of her mom and her future career; she couldn't really live a normal life. (we'll get back to this point later) all she knows about love is through her idols, so she's channeling it into (what she thinks is) romantic love for gorou.

gorou, on the other side of this, is an actual adult who had an actual life before all this, so he knows what a normal life is like. assuming sarina is one of his first patients, its obvious to see that he got attached, which is a very risky situation for scenarios like this. we see this attachment made her death worse, as he threw himself into following Ai to cope for her death. not gonna go too in depth about this here because, again, i made another post for this that i'll probably link at the end bc im referencing it more than i thought... continuing! he knows sarina doesnt have long left so he wants to do what he can for her, thus creating that "idol" persona sarina has for him.

we see in his regret in this new chap that he actually knows what he's doing and is aware of the consequences of his actions. ruby doesn't. she doesn't regret anything. as someone who reads a lot of isekai/reincarnation stories, its easy to joke that ruby and aqua are their old age + their new age, but that isn't necessarily true for ruby. sure, aqua is old and this could apply to him. but ruby? she didn't make it past 18 before she died. she's like,,, 13 times 2. double 13. she never fully developed in her first life, and she's developing in this current life. it's like a continue from where she left off. aqua actually was an adult, so he has all the knowledge and wisdom of an adult. why does this matter? shift your attention back to the concept of love for a bit. aqua knows what she's doing is bad and is trying to stop her, but the knowledge that she's sarina is making him automatically succumb to her wishes. a part of his brain, because of the trauma, still sees ruby as the sickly sarina he was caring for.

ruby is naïve. she doesnt know what love is. all the love she's ever been exposed to is whatever she saw online: idols. i dont even think she fully knows what the concept of family is. aqua is her brother? nope. aqua is the doctor she proposed to and now she has a chance to follow through like all the shows she's seen. she's closer than ever to him, so why give up the chance? even as ruby, she wasn't exposed to a lot of normalcy because of idol culture. she isn't able to learn about the difference between platonic love and fanatic love. we even see this with ai, who she sees more as an idol than her mom. the joy is in her idol being her mom, someone who's supposed to care for her. it's like shes living a fantasy made just for her. because aqua was so obsessed w revenge, he didn't have the chance to teach her anything, and it's not like he needed to learn bc he already knows. ruby doesn't.

aqua, as the one who understands these nuances, should have sat her down and explained things, but he didn't because of the trauma of sarina. ruby is ignorant and is treating things like a tv drama, now that her dreams as sarina can finally become true. aqua doesn't realize how serious ruby is about this because in his mind this is just a child playing house. ruby is like,,,, imagine you die and you wake up actually being sold to one direction. or whatever happens to you in your fav self-insert scenario/fanfic. idk a better analogy lmao but its like finally being able to play out your fantasies irl. she doesn't realize the real world impacts of her actions because, frankly, she doesn't care. she gets to live out her life as she wants. aqua was shocked after the first kiss with ruby because he realized then she was being serious, but he didn't speak out about it because, again, the trauma™. (we see him again uncomfy with the whole situation in the next page, but his lack of objection could be bc it's a scene in the documentary and he finds it more important to get revenge rn) ruby kissed him then because she purposefully created the mood like that so it would fit in the story she was writing in her mind.

so what does this mean? because of their shared pasts, aqua and ruby are put in this situation where ruby can do what she wants and aqua goes along with it. even if he knows its morally wrong, he can't bring himself to break ruby's immersion in all of this. BUT. big but. aqua shouldn't act like this. they're both capable of living out their lives as normal (barring the revenge and the whole idol stuff). he doesn't need to act like this anymore; ruby's not terminally ill. he's not a doctor. what he should have done was firmly deny her stuff he knows is wrong because then he can educate her about the reason why. as much as their personalities are inspired by their past lives, sarina and gorou are dead. they need to move on and live a aqua and ruby. (Harsh, I know, but because of this scenes like *gestures vaguely to the newest two chapters* happens. if aqua stood his ground and taught ruby about familial love and that what she's feeling is probably not romantic, i think this could have been avoided. but alas, we need it for the ~drama~)

sorry that went on way longer than i thought lmao. i think i covered everything i wanted to say but im too lazy to read back so fingers crossed

if you made it this far and are curious about the other post i mentioned in the beginning, its here. i just think its some context to my thought process but not necessary to understand this post

#my writing #oshi no ko #oshi no ko spoilers #onk ch 143 #jasdlkflsdkajfh #why did it take me longer to find that first post #than deciding to make this post #anyways #lots of thoughts #none coherent #i wasnt planning on doing this so sorry if its too jumpy #i just finished reading the chap and #i had the urge #man i was living glass half full #then this chap dropped #hopefully it gets addressed #i mean its that last panel that gets me #aqua looks so uncomfortable while ruby is beaming

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stormoflina · 4 months

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you wont answer me cuz you know im right. i loved szobo in the early days but his drop off was huge and now he is just another hospital merchant. for all the hype of him being the next kdb he cant even score a solo goal and im yet to see a good pass from him in the final third

Well hello anon.

I didn't answer you, because

1. The last couple of days my head was moving in between the Moon and Mars, and I'm not sure if I would have been able to remain respectful.

2. I'm getting tired of all these anons coming to my infobox and, for the lack of a better expression, trying to take the piss out of me. If you read my posts you know that he's one of my favourite players, and that I'm not mindless hater about any of our players, but especially not towards him.

3. You were being very condescending and annoying.

But buckle up my dear salty anon.

Dominik, naturally, is an offensive minded midfielder. At Leipzig, he basically played as a wide 10 (or occasional RW) and for the most part he does the same for Hungary. In both teams he was a pressing monster, his pressing is arguably one of the best in the current Liverpool squad as well. The difference is, that in both teams he had other midfielders behind him. He still had defensive duties, but not this current caliber. In Hungary he plays one of the hardest and most taxing roles: he drops deep to collect the ball, helps the build up from deep, and he contributes a LOT in defense, but he also has freedom to roam around the pitch, and enjoys the other midfielders support when he appears in the final third.

In Liverpool, he is a box-to-box midfielder. A different role, and not just a different role in midfield, but he is a midfielder under Klopp, played in the RHS in a triangle with Salah and Trent. Salah is our main goalscorer, Trent is our main creator. His job is to provide a stable link up between the two, allowing them to express themselves freely, offer his support, keep the width when needed, etc etc. Without him doing this, that rhs can't function properly. And this is just one of his many responsibilities. When Trent inverts into midfield he drops back into either help out (Ibou), or takes up completely the RB position. A position he has never played, by the way. He's constantly pressing, constantly running, constantly covering/contributing in defensive duties. He is the 5th fastest player this season. Other than his pressing, his other great quality is his off-ball work. Again, arguably, his awareness and intelligence when it comes to that is one of the best in the current squad. I encourage you to watch back some of our recent matches and take notice of him instead of the one giving the assist/scoring, many cases, without his efforts it wouldn't get to the point of it being a goal scoring opportunity.

I'm not going to argue with you and say that his passing hasn't looked a bit off in certain matches, that he didn't have some bad first touches or unnecessary long shots. He did. But please also think about all these NEW and constant duties, (other than the pressing& off-ball work), doesn't come natural to him at all and how these can affect his performance in the final third. Yes, it's an excuse,but a reasonable one in my opinion, maybe not for you, whatever.

All in all, it's easy to fail when you have been shifted from a role of being supported to being the one who is the constant and many times only support. Mind it, this is happening in a much more physical, much more demanding and stronger league. It's no wonder fatigue and eventually injury caught up to him. Other than Endo (and he only had like 5-6 starters in the PL), all of our starting midfielders struggled with injuries throughout the season, Domi was the last one to go down.

Anyways, this is the last time I did this. I'm so sick and tired, especially now with all the hate towards him, having the same conversation again and again. You think he's a bad, selfish person with a big ego, who insults and makes fun of his teammates etc etc. I'm not here to change your mind. But maybe try at least watching football with your eyes open before you start accusing one of the team's most selfless and most hard-working players, who is literally out injured (and likely very upset and heartbroken about that) because he tried to give his everything for his club, manager, teammates and fans.

#dominik szoboszlai #lfc #liverpool fc #im so over this i might pin this ask on my tumblr

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transflorall · 1 year

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hey hey, this is a blog made for mogai/liom accessibility, usually regarding flag designs but I will make IDs and PTs as well.

!! this blog runs mostly on requests, so theyre highly encouraged !!

things I do:

give the flags a less eyestrainy palette (I might struggle with this as Im only situationally affected by color eyestrain)

simplify complicated flags (lots of stripes, complicated stripe shapes, not even striped flags, etc.)

provide flag IDs (may refuse as I struggle with describing complicated stuff. everything I make accessible will have IDs though)

give plain text to posts that lack it, non typing quirk, 3rd person 1st person pronouns or 1st person neopronouns versions if there are any. I wont change 'we' to 'I' as it would be disrespectful towards systems.

reblog stuff regarding these

more things!! we'll see!!!

curious about me? my main liom blog is @kiruliom , though keep in mind it itself has some eyestrainy elements, theyre mostly properly tagged but sometimes I miss some so be aware.

I use kie/kir and it/its with he/him aux, any masc, fem, neut, or nonhuman terms are okay to use as long as it doesnt have woman or female in it :D

also english is not my first language and I am very much not american and not up to its politics so if I mess up please be patient with me.

mmm promo maybe???

@transhaunting @epikulupu @hypnosiacon (ngl exo inspired me to make this) @cocajimmycola @gender-mailman @donniesbf @mogai-sunflowers and anyone else who doesnt mind reblogging this? pls??

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tealcaste · 9 months

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i wanna ramble about licorice cookie so i decided to do it here because no one is going to stop me

(putting a read more cuz this is going to be. VERY long..)

(DISCLAIMER: I HAVENT PLAYED KINGDOM A LOT AS I PLAY OVENBREAK MORE, SO TAKE EVERYTHING I SAY WITH A GRAIN OF SALT. TY :3)

(would do ovenbreak wise but erm....... cant be asked to </3)

ANYWYAS as i said from my other account's reblog, it would be. amazing to see a licorice-focused update. YES, he HAS been included in multiple other updates, the most noticable one was the BTS collab (bro finally was significant in an update </3) but other than that, his entire existance has been pushed aside for other cookies.

now don't get me wrong, its cool to see new cookies appear in the game but.. can you... finish other pieces of lore.. please?? this doesn't only apply to licorice cookie obviously, but sinc ehtis post is only abt lico im going to use his lore as an example

..or would HAVE if he had any.

if i recall correctly, the only even "hint" of lore was him briefly talking about growing up in the Licorice Tribe in Chapter 13, claiming how it was "a shabby town to begin with", and its now in complete ruins. now i've sorta havent played the entirity of Chapter 13, but i've went through many spoilers of it and noticed that. there's nothing rlly much, except for that. (oh, i did hear he did help control the Licorice Sea, but i am not sure if that's canon or not.)

other than that, devsisters hasnt really... done anything with him? lore related?? ivve seen another post mentioning something about how he was just reduced as a comic relief and had wasted potential, which i heavily agree on.

like.. devsisters you cant just briefly mention the tribe he grew up in and never mention it again?? theres so many people who would love to know more about licorice's past, but devsisters practically ignores that just for some reason??

it really sucks as well, because if more lore about him was revealed, i feel like people would get a better understanding about his character, and not be seen as some "haha funny emo!!!!!!!!!!" (off topic but he isnt even emo HELP. he. he was confirmed goth by cookie run's official insta page but yeah) cookie that would never be taken seriously.

also, if more lore about him got revealed, i feel like it would help explain more about how he turned out the way he was..?? yes, i am aware his little story info thing DOES explain it was due to the lack of recognition, but it would be better to see. an even more in-depth explanation, as the info given about him has always been really.. breif.

the main point is, i would really love to see a licorice-focused update. a CoD update would probably be good enough if they can't be bothered, but if there WAS a CoD update, theres a very high chance of licorice being pushed aside for some.. idfk super epic or new cookies for the CoD

anwyays thank yyou for listening to my TED talk and thank you to that one licorice fanart that made me give into the urges of rambling about licorice :33333

#licorice cookie my beloved #cookie run #licorice cookie #devsisters PLEASE #im desperate #for a licorice cookie update #i need lore #licorice cookie update when #i love rambling abt licorice cookie dehhjfekdh #gerfd #cookie run kingdom

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bara-izu · 27 days

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havent been through your griffin and toma tags yet but im excited to look through them!! anyway how would they describe each other?

It's okay! In reality I haven't posted much about them on tumblr, but there is lots about them floating around on twitter and instagram too- Thank you for being interested in them 😭

As for how they would describe one another:

Griff would describe Toma as: Chaotic, loud and completely lacks self awareness! He would never outright admit the positives he likes about Toma but if pushed he'd also say They're full of affection, and a very doting parent. If only they could control their Lycanthopy... They have astonishing potential...

Toma on the other hand would say Griff is mean. He's got a lot going on which usually results in him being a grump... but he's super smart and can be so gentle when he wants to be!

Please also accept these old doodles from the vaults of my private account (they're 2 years old...)

#ask izu #toma seiji #griffin blackwood

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pastanest · 1 year

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if you’re wondering why I’m having to repost this, or why you were perhaps previously following me but no longer are, please refer to this post. I was able to retrieve this thanks to @iamburdened - thanks so much!! ♡

Spencer Reid x she/her!reader

The King Of Wishful Thinking

Spencer Reid had been in love before, he knew the symptoms as well as he did any other sickness. He could tell that it had started the first day he saw you, much to his dismay. Hotch introduced you to the team as his PA, but added that the title was vague because you were going to help out any member of the team who needed it. All of the boring parts of the job, filing and other office-based tasks that the rest of the team dreaded. While the profilers went away on cases, you kept all of their things in order back at Quantico, and you’d stay late to make sure you were there to give them a full report when they got back. You were efficient from the get go, a lifesaver amongst the team when you offered to take their piles of paperwork and sort them. But, of course, the one person who didnt need help with any paperwork was the one person more desperate than any other to speak to you.

At first, you offered Spencer help as much as you offered everyone else, but after he stumbled through the politest rejections you’d ever experienced, and the team continually joking that he definitely didnt need help, you stopped offering to avoid irritating him. He had hoped that the lack of communication would extinguish the fire you’d lit within him, but oh, how wrong he was.

“Good morning Doctor Reid!” You called gleefully as you entered the building, your eyes immediately landing on Spencer, who sat at his desk idly writing out impossible maths equations.

He didnt say anything in reply, just beamed at you, and you approached him to sit on his lap, the two of you laughing in between passionate kisses-

“Hey, kid, you alright?” Derek nudges Spencer, pulling him out of his daydream.

Spencer’s gaze had been fixed on the glass doors awaiting your arrival, and Derek was aware like the rest of the team that this distractedness was not common with the young genius.

“Y-Yes, Im fine!” Spencer splutters, clearing his throat and straightening his tie, eyes frantically darting around the room as though to prove he hadnt been zoned out staring at the door for several minutes.

“What’s been up with you lately, man-“ Derek begins to ask quietly, but he’s interrupted.

“Good morning Doctor Reid!” You call gleefully as you push through the glass doors, leaning on them with your back because your arms are stacked with papers.

“Good morning (Y/N)!” He squeaks back, waving awkwardly, causing your smile to widen into a beaming grin.

In his daydreams, Spencer manages to be an awful lot smoother, but your genuine kindness is not something his mind conjures up. He had hoped you not talking to him would kill his crush on you, but of course, you being as lovely as you are, you made sure to greet him every single morning so that he never felt left out. The rest of the team had the easy route when it came to speaking to you, Spencer had to wait for specific opportunities, such as the one Derek Morgan has happened to witness.

Derek laughs and sits back on Spencer’s desk. “Ah, I see.”

“What do you see? I dont see anything. You dont see anything!” Spencer is rising from his desk in what can only be described as sheer panic, literally walking into the rail of the stairs as he tries to walk around Derek to get to them, causing Derek to laugh even harder.

“Kid��s got it bad!” He teases.

“I dont ‘got’ anything!” Spencer snaps, but the nervous higher pitch to his voice gives him away.

The team head to the round table to discuss today’s case. Just as Penelope begins describing the victims, Spencer happens to glance at the doorway. And there you are, across the walkway, headphones hiding your ears as you dance around the printer.

“Given the extent of paperwork waiting for us in Florida, I’ve asked (Y/N) to join us on this case.”

Spencer’s eyes widen as he slowly turns back to Hotch, unable to believe the words that got through to him despite being completely distracted by you. He mentally scolds himself, of course the mention of your name is the only thing that can pull him away from staring at you.

“(Y/N)?” Hotch calls, but you continue dancing around the printer, completely oblivious.

The team chuckles as they watch you, smiling fondly as you pick up the files you printed and take your headphones off. Hotch calls your name again, and this time you jump out of your skin. Turning to face the round table, you already have your eyes closed and your mouth pressed to a thin line, realising you’d forgotten you were supposed to be with the team. You jog over to the round table, your headphones bouncing around your neck.

“Sorry about that! Ditziness is next to godliness!”

The team laughs, Spencer’s smile lingering longer than anyone else’s.

“Honestly, Im not sure why Im coming considering you have the world’s fastest reader right here!” You exclaim, gesturing to Spencer, who immediately sits up straighter.

“The world’s fastest reader is actually Howard Stephen Berg, who can read 25,000 words per minute, but Maria Teresa Calderon, from the Philipines, claims to beat that with 80,000 words per minute-“ Spencer pauses, then smiles bashfully while mentally facepalming. “-and you were just complimenting me, werent you? Thank you.”

Spencer lowers his head, blushing furiously as Derek and Rossi slap his back, everyone at the round table sharing a laugh.

On the jet, Hotch informs everyone that you’re just collecting your things from your bag, but you’ll be right with them. Spencer takes a window seat at the back of the jet, and Emily quickly plops down beside him.

“You should ask her out.” She says simply.

“What!?!” Spencer squeaks, trying to express his outrage as quietly as possible.

“You should ask her out!” Emily repeats.

“No way!” Spencer shakes his head furiously.

“Why?” Emily questions, as though he’s refusing the easiest thing in the world.

“She doesnt- she couldnt- the majority of outcomes would be horrific!” Spencer struggles, stumbling over his words.

“Would the outcomes really be horrific, or are you just too scared to admit you might actually have a shot with someone?” Emily asks in a hushed voice.

Before Spencer can reply, Emily’s eyes dart to the jet doors and she jumps out of the seat next to Spencer, leaving it empty just in time for you to arrive. He looks out of the jet window, pretending to be deep in thought.

“Is this seat taken?” Spencer hears you ask, and he discretely pinches his thigh to make sure he isnt dreaming.

He turns his head to look at you. “N-No!”

You smile and sit down beside him, pulling a blanket over yourself that Spencer hadnt even noticed you were carrying. You catch Spencer staring at it and shrug.

“This is a 13 hour flight, best thing to do is get a nap in before everyone else so that when I am awake everyone else is sleeping, then I can get some work done. Or, I can have conversations without worrying about a team of profilers listening in!” You raise an eyebrow, causing Spencer to chuckle, he understands your point on a spiritual level. He thinks you’re going to go to sleep, but you continue talking to him. “If you like, we can both sleep and then chat once we wake up. Since we’re next to each other and all.” You suggest, and his profiling instincts tell him you’re trying to be very casual about the suggestion, and the fact you’re avoiding eye contact makes him think you’re nervous about something. But what?

Spencer nods, also trying very hard to come across as casual about it. He hopes that because you arent a profiler you wont recognise that he’s trying so hard.

You smile at him and proceed to get snuggled up under your blanket. He waits until he hears your breathing slow, telling him you’re asleep, then he glances at you, to see you’re still smiling. His heart all but leaps out of his chest. Not wanting to miss out on an opportunity to have a private conversation with you that he doesnt have to initiate, Spencer settles in his own seat and closes his eyes, persuading himself to sleep.

The moment he drifts, you’re back again. What else would he dream about?

He was in his apartment, re-reading War And Peace, when he heard a knock at his door. He frowned, rose to his feet and walked to the door. When he opened it, he saw you standing there with two tubs of jello and two spoons, you held one of each out to him with a beaming smile on your face. Spencer wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you into his apartment, lifting you and the jello into the air and spinning you around, before placing you back down on the ground to rest his forehead against yours and hold you close. He didnt kiss you, he didnt need to in that moment, because even dream-him knew not every moment required a kiss, and he didnt just want to kiss you. Sometimes, all he wanted was to hold you.

“Spencer?” You asked quietly.

“Hmm?” He hummed in reply.

“Spencer?!”

He jumps in his plane seat, eyes snapping open as he realises you are actually saying his name and gently shaking him awake. You laugh quietly.

“What were you dreaming about?” You ask curiously.

Spencer swallows nervously. “Jello.”

You nod in understanding. “Jello is a very good thing to have deep dreams about, congratulations.”

“Thank you?” Spencer says, somewhat confused and still half-asleep.

You cross your legs and turn to face him, sitting sideways on the jet seat with your blanket wrapped around you. “So! Let’s play a question game!”

Spencer frowns curiously. “Why?”

You shrug, gesturing to the rest of the team. “Nobody’s eavesdropping, I wanna get to know you, why else?”

Spencer’s heart skips a beat. “Why do you want to get to know me?”

You roll your eyes at him, but you’re smiling, so he knows you arent making fun of him. “Because you’re interesting! So, questions, are you ready?”

Spencer straightens his back, shuffling around in his seat as he feels the tension rise. He’s considerably taller than you, so he cant quite sit sideways on the seat, but he does his best to face you.

“Okay, you go first.” He says, allowing you to set the tone of the questions so that he can figure out what to ask you afterwards, but also so he can try and deduce what you want to know, specifically. There has to be a reason that you want to play this game.

“Are you comfortable with the way the team make fun of you sometimes?”

Well, of all the questions he theorised you would ask, that was not one of them. He’s stumped. Spencer shuffles and repositions in his seat as he frowns, formulating an answer.

“Most of the time I know they arent being cruel, they’re my friends, but sometimes it does get to me, I guess. Everyone has bad days.” Spencer explains, and you nod, but he cant hold back from continuing. “I dont want to waste my question asking this, but could you tell me why you asked that?”

You smile at him. “We dont talk much, but I pay attention to you, which I suppose is a consequence of that. Since I dont know you very well, and dont get many chances to talk to you in order to change that, I try and figure you out by paying attention. I notice them making fun of you, and sometimes I want to jump in and defend you, but I feel it isnt my place, Im not quite in tune with the team dynamic just yet.”

Spencer feels his heart swell at your words. Despite barely knowing him, you care about him that much? And you want to figure him out?

You nod at him. “Your turn to ask a question!”

Spencer clears his throat. “Why do you make the effort to talk to me when it isnt in your job description?” He immediately sees how taken aback you are, and he’s quick to rephrase. “It’s not that I dont enjoy you talking to me - I very much do - I just dont know why you bother, because you have to talk to everyone else as part of your job. You dont need to talk to me, but you choose to, and I dont know why.”

You tuck your hair behind your ear and avoid eye contact, instead looking over to double check that the rest of the team are definitely asleep, as you try to find your words.

“Well, like I said, you’re interesting. I want to get to know you, and the fact you dont need my help means that I cant use that as an excuse to talk to you, like I can for everyone else. In order to get to know you, specifically, I have to make the extra effort.”

Spencer’s stomach drops. Is he just like everyone else to you? Do you simply want to get to know him in the same way you know the rest of the team?

“Why do you stare at me?”

Suddenly, the entire world stops. Spencer swears he can feel his blood freezing in his veins. He doesnt know how it never crossed his mind that during his zoned out moments, you could quite easily see him. Oh god.

“I...find you interesting, too.” He begins, intending to stop talking right then and there, but his mouth has other ideas. “What I mean is, you make me interested in you- but not in an objectifying way, I just mean that- you are so effortlessly mesmerising and I dont- I cant- and you dont feel the same way, which is fine, Im just somebody you work with that you barely know- you dont want to know me in the same way and that’s fine- I just-“

You lean forward and cover his mouth with your hand, silencing his ramble.

“Spencer, take a breath.” You tell him, but the smile on your face makes it very difficult for him to do that. Taking your hand away from his mouth, you settle back in your seat. “I said I wanted to get to know you like I do the rest of the team because I was trying to retain some professionalism, while being wrapped up in a blanket and sitting criss-cross-apple-sauce.”

Spencer cant help but laugh at that, and in doing so you put him completely at ease, despite his heart beating a mile a minute.

“But, since you just metaphorically threw the remaining professionalism out of the jet window, we’ll replace it with honesty. Im interested in you, Spencer, and in the same way you are interested in me.” You explain to him, your words deliberately slower so that they sink in.

And just like that, you have Doctor Spencer Reid speechless. He keeps his gaze locked with yours as he very obviously pinches his own arm.

“Dont hurt yourself! What was that for!?!” You grab his hand and take it away from his shoulder, holding it in yours so that he doesnt try and pinch himself again. The care you have for him could make him cry.

“Just making sure this isnt another daydream. It’s been difficult to tell the difference recently.” Spencer tells you, his words barely above a whisper. Before he can stop himself or overthink it, he asks the only question playing on his mind. “Can...Can I kiss you?”

Your cheeks flush pink as you nod slowly. The two of you lean in at a snail pace, it feels like someone is holding the brakes on gravity, slowing down a pull that cannot be resisted, it’s inevitable. His lips meet yours, directly above the arm of the jet seats between you. Every fibre of his existence is set alight. Spencer has a momentary worry that the fireworks have the strength to blow up the plane, but he’s reminded how irrational that is when the overwhelming bliss takes ahold of him again. One of your hands lets go of his, to feel up his chest and around the back of his neck, to card through his hair. Spencer’s hands hold onto yours, treasuring every aspect of this, savouring the ecstasy of this event being in the real world rather than just in his head. He pulls away first, breathless and grinning.

“Would this be a bad time to correct an earlier statement?” Spencer asks randomly.

“What statement?” Your brain is still rebooting after that kiss, you cant quite remember anything that was said before.

“My dream earlier.“ He explains.

“What?” You frown, even more confused after finding out what he’s referring to.

“It wasnt just about jello.” Spencer admits, his grin cheeky.

You laugh and shake your head at him, using the hand that’s still in his hair to pull his lips back to yours.

Maybe wishful thinking can get you somewhere after all.

#spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #x reader #imagine #imagines #fanfic #fanfiction #headcannon

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egotisticalmachine · 6 months

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sorry to ask you to ‘diagnose’ me, but lately ive been finding that i really really heavily relate to a lot of pwNPDs posts. ive also noticed thought patterns i have with my non-system splitting (thoughts go from ‘i am the most victimized person ever in the world’ to ‘i am the most horrible abuser that ever existed’).

i wanted to ask how you got diagnosed/started seeking information on NPD. i want to perhaps bring these thought patterns up the my therapist, but im unsure how to (esp since she has used the term “narcisstic abuse” in reference to experiences ive had)

any advice?

thank you for your patience, my life is very busy these days and i dont have a whole lot of time for tumblr, but i dont want you to think this is unimportant to me.

to be clear, im self diagnosed, and not planning on seeking a professional diagnosis, so i can only really walk you through doing your own research and self reflection and tips i can imagine would be helpful for seeking a diagnosis if you choose to do so. im aware my choice is somewhat controversial, and i would be happy to list out all my reasoning in a separate post, but i feel like that would be really fucking long (and kind of bitter tbh) and this is already gonna be a doozy. my main point is that if youre going to self diagnose, itll take a lot of research and thought; and if youre going to seek a prof diagnosis, itll take research and thought as well but youll also need to take into account the trustworthiness of whoever you turn to for help. if you go the prof dx route, i wish you nothing but the best of luck.

but onto my own process.

first, the DSM-5. a free PDF of the entire thing can be found here. make sure to read over the first part defining personality disorders as a whole, as well as the section on narcissistic personality disorder ofc, AND the disorders that it can often be mistaken for, which are listed under "Differential Diagnosis". take note of any that it seems you might fit the criteria for instead, or in addition. remember that NPD can be comorbid with many other conditions, as long as it isnt directly negating the diagnosis, such as narcissistic traits only being during episodes of mania.

please note though that the DSM-5 is still written from an outsider perspective. while it is ultimately the outline for a diagnosis, its not exempt from framing us in a negative light. for example - my lack of empathy isnt the result of any "unwillingness", i literally just have a lower capacity to empathize with others than the average person does. i can fake it, most of the time, but i cant force the real thing.

the DSM-5 also focuses mainly on pwNPD who are more outwardly grandiose, while ignoring those of us who dont present that way. for the most part im not a very "arrogant, haughty" person because ive learned thats not how i get my needs met. i may sometimes accidentally sound patronizing without realizing it, or i might unmask in safe environments and let myself be healthily arrogant (like playfully boasting and half-joking about everyone loving me), but on the whole i avoid it because in my experience, people like me better when im humble. even if im often arrogant internally, i filter myself. im not particularly grandiose now, but i used to be even less so - i was more of what gets referred to as a vulnerable narcissist, displaying (very often excessive by the standards of social acceptability, but still usually genuine) emotional vulnerability to others in the hopes of getting comfort and attention, and often placing myself into the "inferior" social rung that i believed everyone else wrongly saw me as because i felt that if i tried to take the "superior" position i "rightfully deserved" i would be hated for it. now i would say im in between grandiose and vulnerable, but still not as grandiose as whats described in the DSM-5.

also, consider the ways the criteria might apply in ways that may differ from whats described, or what immediately comes to mind. the "Diagnostic Features" section describes pretty specific scenarios, and i know i personally sometimes struggle to think beyond the examples im given. are the "special people" you associate with morally or creatively or spiritually special? do you exhibit entitlement by not doing assignments and being surprised by the consequences, or by expecting someone else in the household to handle the chores because youre busy, without considering that theyre busy too, maybe even busier? does your need for admiration apply to art you create, jokes you tell, facts you share?

TLDR for those last four paragraphs: the DSM-5 is absolutely the starting place for research, but doesnt encompass the entirety of the narcissistic experience. which is where the next step comes in -

keep researching. this step is... very, very difficult. the sad truth is youll mostly see articles about how horrible narcissists apparently are. youve probably already seen much of this and im sorry. theres not really any way to avoid it, because even resources that can offer actual help tend to have at least a degree of disdain for us. ive seen some pwNPD recommend the works of dr daniel fox, such as his worksheets available for free online, and if they might be helpful i encourage you to utilize those; however even his youtube channel is incredibly villainizing, at least based on the thumbnails (I Am Not Clicking On That Shit) so i really cant take him seriously and wont be giving him any of my money. please just be cautious wading through everything and remember that, whether you have NPD or just narcissistic traits, you arent the monster these people want to frame you as.

i wish i could remember every article that helped me along the way, but the biggest one i always recommend to ANYONE who wants to learn more about NPD is the one ill link here, Narcissus And The Daffodils. the authors use the checklist linked here to go into detail describing the spectrum of narcissistic experiences. the checklist is built using the DSM-5 criteria, essentially reworded, restructured, and added to in order to offer a more thorough understanding of NPD.* the authors elaborate on the checklist to explain how those criteria tie in with the experiences described.

*while the checklist is described as a potential tool for self diagnosis, i firmly believe it cant be your only resource to do so, and im unsure if that was the intention of the creators, who do openly state that they arent professionals. however, i still consider this a very helpful resource.

as an additional note: NatD touches on three different forms of empathy, emotional, cognitive, and compassionate. after doing a lot of research on the subject, my conclusion is that nobody can fucking agree on how to categorize and label different forms of empathy, but the categorization is still helpful for me and many others. basically, whats being said is helpful, just prepare to be confused if you try to research further because that model of empathy isnt the only one out there.

beyond that, you kind of just have to keep on trucking. sift through the bullshit. use your critical thinking skills, consider what info might actually be helpful and what might just be hateful and able to be disregarded. try to keep seeking out pwNPD, but also be cautious that even some pwNPD arent going to give the best info (r/NPD sucks ass and so does the associated discord holy fuuuuuuuuuck, absolutely toxic community and also not very queer friendly). and you mentioned relating to posts made by pwNPD, so it sounds like youve already been seeking out communities, and hopefully youve been finding good ones! im certain other pwNPD have more resources than what im able to offer as well.

TLDR for the past five paragraphs: research research research, keep your wits about you, think for yourself, seek out healthy communities, and dont let the shitheads get you down.

this will also take a lot of self reflection. you need to consider how your symptoms affect your daily life, your interpersonal relationships, your private moments. can you pinpoint when this started; was it sudden, or have these traits been building up over time? what might have caused all of this, what did your youth look like, what does your life look like now? how have you been praised? how have you been hurt? what were your parents or guardians like?

professionals arent 100% certain of what causes NPD, but there are patterns - genetics, upbringing, trauma. look at your roots just as much as your branches, so to speak. some pwNPD were praised too much as a child, made to feel more important than others. some had their needs neglected. some experienced both. im sure there are other factors im forgetting to list, so again, go listen to other pwNPD and see if anything they say clicks with you. ill use myself as an example below for the sake of explaining one of many many ways NPD can develop, but thatll touch on childhood emotional abuse and trauma, without going into too much detail. if thats still upsetting to read about, feel free to skip the next paragraph.

growing up i was both put on a pedestal for my achievements and talents (like getting good grades or being cute) and devalued for anything that was inconvenient or undesirable (like being easily scared or making mistakes), so i learned subconsciously that i was somehow innately superior to my peers but also that my superiority was conditional and i was innately flawed. i moved houses constantly, so i didnt get to learn how to develop lasting friendships, and my detachment made it far too easy for me to see people as temporary sources of attention and entertainment and not much else, easy to discard without any trouble once our time was up. even once my family settled down in my teen years, they still maintained an idea that i was better than my friends. my mother in particular was manipulative, so i learned to be manipulative too - i became calculated in how i spoke and behaved, tugged at heartstrings, and outright lied countless times, all as a survival mechanism as it became harder and harder to meet the expectations placed on me. i couldnt depend on the same easiness of childhood i had grown up with, especially with other obstacles like schizophrenia in the way of my grades, but i hadnt been taught how to work for success and didnt have the support to succeed, i just felt entitled to it, it felt like something innate to me. and while all these family and school troubles were happening, and eventually work troubles, i had my trust broken many times by many people (often BECAUSE my drive for attention led me to stick around awful people and put up with hurtful behavior), and this reinforced my misanthropic idea that i must be better than other people, but that i have to prove im not below them.

aside from just shamelessly liking to talk about myself - im sure i can be honest with you here lmao - im saying all this to illustrate a very important aspect of my self diagnosis process. i am able to pinpoint a VAST array of experiences from my youth, including plenty that i didnt even mention here, which contributed to the development of my symptoms and influence my current day behavior and psyche.

which means, going back to the tree analogy, i can connect my roots to my branches. i can recognize the symptoms i experience, the branches, and i can trace back down to the experiences that led to those symptoms, the roots. that helped me to better rule out other possible causes for those symptoms - i dont experience low empathy solely because of my autism, even if that is a factor, but specific events in my life further lowered my empathetic ability beyond what it potentially could have been. i dont feel superior as a symptom of mania, both because its a constant feeling and because i can explain how that feeling was instilled in me.

dont feel bad if you cant pinpoint everything like this. like i said, it takes a lot of self reflection, and if theres trauma involved, itll probably be a painful process. its ongoing too, there are still moments that i suddenly make a connection between a branch and a root. and mental illnesses as a whole are complex, because the brain is complex, and life is complex. and, again, genetics are believed to be a factor, so it could be possible that if you have NPD, you may have had a lot fewer developmental experiences that led into it, but experts just really arent 100% sure about all the facts. all i can tell you is my own experience.

and of course, i know ive already said it plenty of times, but focus on those branches too. really really consider how your symptoms impact you and how well they may line up with NPD or potentially something else. i know that i have full certainty in my self diagnosis, but i know that wont be the case for everyone and even with your own personal certainty, you might still want a professional diagnosis. again, if you choose to seek that, i wish you only the best and i hope youre treated with nothing but the highest respect and dignity.

so my tips for that prof dx as someone without one. first and foremost in this section: gonna have to say your current therapist is a no-go. its not impossible to change someones mind about narcissistic abuse, but its also sadly not all that likely on your own, and more importantly it isnt your job when youre just trying to get help for a potential disorder. there are websites where you can search for specialists (dont use psychologytoday), but i know when i tried on a site i sadly forget the name of, i didnt get any results, so i dont know how many options are out there and listed on these sites.

your next option is probably word of mouth. reaching out to NPD communities, asking who can be trusted. but, given how small the community is, and that you dont want to doxx yourself and might not feel safe asking people you know irl, thatll probably be difficult too. there may be listings somewhere by pwNPD, but im unaware of any.

i think the next best option is just to reach out to therapists in your area, or just as far as youre willing/able to travel, or as far as theyll take telehealth appointments - and ask them some questions. do some doctor shopping. this is an important decision and you need to know you can trust the person youll be opening up to. i would start by simply asking if they treat people with narcissistic personality disorder. some therapists may simply not have the expertise to offer such treatment, while others may actively refuse to do so, but either way, you want that yes/no answer. if they do treat pwNPD, you can continue to ask questions about their goals in treating pwNPD, the processes they use, their success rates with these patients.

i would be cautious in asking any questions that might even POSSIBLY come off as accusatory. directly asking a therapists opinions on narcissistic abuse may result in them slotting you into the "victim complex" role, or them feeling like theyre being put on the defense, even if they dont hold those beliefs. even those who dont see us fully as villains can still see us poorly. try to ask questions that are more common to what anyone would ask while researching a therapist, and take note of anything that seems off, or of if they seem particularly safe and affirming.

also!! please consider your insurance, if you have it! all my recent doctors have been referrals from other doctors, but in the past ive had to go on the site for my insurance and find a list of doctors who would take it. alternatively, you could ask upfront if they take your insurance.

beyond all this, i dont think theres any other advice i can give you. so ill give the floor to anyone who might have anything else to add, any resources, articles, websites, therapists, advice, words of encouragement, polite corrections to anything i might have gotten wrong.

if you read this far, thank you for your time, and thank you for trusting me to offer my help. i hope i could steer you in the right direction, because the sea is fucking rough out there. whether its NPD or something else youre struggling with, im happy to help you out, even if it takes me some time to reply. and once more for good measure: i wish you the best of luck, dignity, and care.

#asks #advice #teefiesworld #also ill put this in the tags since the post is mainly addressing diagnosis and research #but like. id kind of had NPD on the back of my mind for A While before actually researching it #like ''hmmm maybe i should look into that. nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh''#''why do i struggle so much to consider others? why do i detach so easily? why do i obsess over praise? oh well nbd lol''#and i didnt give it much thought bc i didnt present very grandiosely #until eventually it gnawed at my brain enough that i researched vulnerable narcissism and had an entire breakdown of my self perception #over the course of. idk however long it took me to come to terms with my narcissism #its so funny bc i think people see treating NPD as involving a decrease in grandiosity #but for me i had to learn to INCREASE my grandiosity bc i was suppressing it so hard it was detrimental to me #all about striking that balance #not to say ive like. cured myself or whatever. but im absolutely way healthier than i used to be #bc i learned to identify those branches and roots and started adjusting my behavior #idk im ramblingggg but you asked about how i started seeking info and like #i dunno it was just kinda. i couldnt keep ignoring my symptoms and started with vulnerable narcissism and the DSM-5 and on from there iirc #btw imagine im telling you all this in like the corner of a cafe over some hot drinks n pastries or what have you. my digital treat to u

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femmefatalevibe · 11 months

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any tips for someone coming off as "too mean"? through your posts and a few years of self confidence building, i feel comfortable in myself, my looks, my abilities, my intelligence, ect. ive only had a boyfriend or two (im only fifteen to be fair)

and while im not looking for sex or anything, my friends have told me that i might be too outspoken and thats the reason i don't attract boys my age. to be fair, i am a very blunt person and im not afraid to say what im thinking which sometimes comes off as rude. is there something im doing wrong or need to improve?

Hi love! Well, as someone who has been called an "ice queen" since I was around your age and probably for the last time most recently last week (as someone whose a couple of months shy of age 25), I'll share my perspective on the difference between being "too mean" and assertive.

Being assertive, speaking your truth, and displaying confidence at a younger age is very intimidating to some people (especially in young women/teenage girls, especially when it comes to guys). Firstly, you have plenty of time to worry about sex, dating, and flirting with guys. If you find someone you have chemistry with over the next few months or couple of years, pursue that relationship if it feels right to you. Otherwise, don't worry about timelines – there's no rush.

If you think you're being "too mean," consider the differences between being assertive, people-pleasing, and being tactless/aggressive.

Assertive: Standing your ground, saying what you mean and meaning what you say in a collected, confident manner, upholding your boundaries, interacting with tact and respect for the other person's emotions while not allowing the other person's opinions or desires to persuade you to sacrifice your needs, goals, or desires.

People Pleasing: Doing everything in your power, modifying your speech and behavior, and putting others' needs above your own to ensure others are happy and not upset with you. People pleasing prioritizes others' desires and goals above your own and conditions you to forgo your sense of self/identity for approval. If you're a people pleaser, you tend to make decisions based on how they're perceived by others rather than allowing yourself to be guided by your personal preferences and comfortability.

Aggressive: Callous behavior that lacks empathy or awareness that others have needs, just like yourself. Being aggressive sets the expectation that you expect others to sacrifice their needs to satisfy your own. While you should put your needs first when making decisions for yourself, it is important to expect and honor others' desire to do the same. Respect their decisions and boundaries with grace. Leave if your needs aren't being met with the understanding that some people are not compatible with you in life and have different needs, preferences, or desires of their own (or lack this skill of differentiation – the acknowledgment of where your personhood and identity end the other person's identity begins in ant aspect of the relationship).

While being heartless and overly self-involved are not attractive qualities, I will tell you that, as women/girls, we are socialized to suit patriarchial norms and believe that minimizing our voices and needs are virtuous traits. It is very common for teenage girls/younger women to feel conditioned to perform these submissive, self-sacrificing roles at the expense of their own needs, goals, and identities. When women/girls don't conform to these patriarchal standards or, even choose to fully rebel against them (guilty, lol), there are a lot of women/girls who will shame you due to their own social conditioning and/or internalized misogyny.

A lot of younger boys/men will objectify you more openly for being an attractive, confident, and assertive young woman. I will warn you. Dating people your own age can be difficult (a grade year ahead or two might be more compatible, honestly). If you're interested in boys for male attention or validation, don't waste your energy (even if that's easier said than done given peer pressure and our social conditioning). Allow these relationships and interactions to come into your life organically. Focus on yourself, your goals, your studies, your friends, your hobbies. Learning how to interact in relationships is important and it's totally acceptable to satisfy any sexual frustration in some form or another, but centralizing boys is never a fruitful pursuit.

Hope this helps xx

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tickly-trashcan · 11 months

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hey guys haha i have a kind of announcement thingy... it is not sunshine and rainbows unfortunately orz

(there will be a tl;dr at the end if yall dont wanna read all my random thoughts lol)

i am going to just be completely honest. i don't really want to write anymore. at least not on this blog...

i know that i have requests but i really have been struggling with... everything!! i just graduated and that was like a punch in the face because everything that i've been feeling for months really became... real??? like i thought i had just been hallucinating all the really bad feelings but it was real!!!

i've been lacking motivation with writing, and every time ive sat down to write i feel bad and terrible and it really is an awful feeling and i'm sick of it... and even when im not writing my silly goof tickle fics those feelings somehow creep into my brain and it's been making it really hard for me to write anything that ive enjoyed.

so... i think what im trying to say... is that i'm going to stop writing for this blog. it isn't because of anyone, i think that its just because ive been doing it for so long that it's become a genuine stresser for me, and i think that by separating myself from this blog, it'll be much easier for me to... exist!

i could go into a LOT more details about how ive been feeling but i really dont want to go too crazy since i am... on the internet lolol but i think that it would be better for me to not write anymore.

so what does this mean for this blog???

i'm not going to be deactivating this blog, and i'll make sure that all my links and such are up to date before i officially leave. I'm not going to like... sign out, and i'll still be active every now and then, but if you'd like to get my discord for any contact, please let me know! i'm not super active on discord right now either though, so please be aware of that lol

this blog is essentially going to be an archive. i'll go through my masterlists and update all of my other important posts, but otherwise, there probably won't be any new content from me.

I probably won't be active on ao3 either, but if you'd like to give my old works a peek as well, you're more than welcome. the link is right here if you're interested!

there's still some stuff that i'm working out as well in my personal life and in cleaning up some loose ends on this blog, so if i take a little bit in responding to anyone, that's why. i'm sorry this is kind of a bleak little post, but i really can't do it anymore.

to everyone who sent in a request in the last round of prompts, thank you so much because it really did make me excited, but i'm not going to be able to complete them... i really appreciate every single one of you, and i hope you can forgive me orz

TL;DR

I'm really really tired and have had a lot of negative feelings for a really long time, and I think that leaving this blog in terms of writing will be best for me in the long run. There will be no more new content from me, but I might still remain active with communications if I can. I'll be updating my blog until it's good enough to leave, and then I will no longer be a content creator.

(sorry that tl;dr sounds more negative than the rest of my post LOL i'm really fine i just... i need to rip the bandaid off and just... be done)

#announcement #important #update #sorry i was really negative in this my bad

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loquaciouscat · 1 year

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Who wants to listen me as i write a. Whole essay on Shigeo's mental journey and how it can be parallels with DID by someone with diagnosed DID!!!!!!!!! 😋

(pls ignore all the grammatical mistakes, im too lazy to correct all rn maybe later)

CW: trauma, bullying, dissociation, derealization, discussion of neurodivergent struggles. Please be aware it might be upsetting to some before reading 🙏

Neurodiversity changes how you process trauma. Keep this in mind!! I can point out so many moments where Shigeo is nd-coded, especially autism. We can see people calling him "hard-hearted", "numb" and "incapable of showing emotions". He lacks showing his emotions with facial expressions. You can see how much it upsets him when people assume he doesn't feel anything, getting heard "Get a clue." etc. (Keep this in mind, %??? is quite expressive)

Quoting from @lost-caticorn 's wonderful post that explains more about Shigeo's possible autism (I'll be linking below)

"In the anime this line is translated by “get a clue” but it doesn’t really match the Japanese words used here “空気を読む” which means “read the situation/sense the mood”. Also I think it’s worth mentioning that in episode 4 he literally names it the “reading-in-the-mood technique” (空気を読む技術). This just illustrates how non-natural this is to him."

Autism joy is something many neurotypicals cannot grasp nor understand. We see Shigeo was not scared of showing these, sharing his ability, talking about it constantly (this can be interpreted as special interests within daily life). He was not afraid of himself, nor minded his difference than others. You'll understand in a second but I believe these were the times Mob and %??? Had a peaceful connection with each other. Like I mentioned a second ago, %??? is a lot more expressive, powerful and stronger part of the mind. I can see myself associating this with autistic joy! Even they are on opposite sides as a character, both Mob and %??? Had moments for themselves to share their joy and happiness.

Then the snapping point of Shigeo, first time ever. %??? Causes harm, which makes Mob scared (like a meltdown!)

This is the point I'll start rambling about DID.

DID, dissociative identity disorder, is caused by repeated childhood trauma. Basically, in a normal setting, you have one prime identity, it can be followed by "sportive" you, "parent" you, "friendly" you etc.

For DID, brain puts amnesia barriers between those parts, which is followed by dissociation and derealization. These "parts", which are called alters, develop their own identities, completely seperate from each other. Alters usually have so little to none connection with each other. They all have their own "jobs" in brain, making sure the child doesn't get affected by the trauma. Some keeps the trauma away "memory holders", some are more agressive and try to protect the kid from outside abuse "protectors" etc. So many roles, I cannot explain all here!

WHAT I ABSOLUTELY LOVE ABOUT THE MANGA COMES FROM THIS!!!! %??? and Mob are the same person, yet so disconnected. Mob associates %??? as an evil, wishing it never existed. Yet we see %??? Taking control whenever there is an extremely stressful/dangerous situation, protecting Mob.

But on the final arc, we see %???'s frustration towards Mob, angry about how he is so repressed, while also explaining he doesn't approve the way Mob chooses to live.

"You always do that, convincing yourself that you understood. And it always out me at advantage."

As much as Mob doesn't like it, %??? is still a huge part of the mind. We all know how we saw Mob doing nothing but hating %??? Because he is "evil, bad, trying to hurt others". Yet all %??? Did was to try to protect Mob.

%??? insists on how he is himself even without power, showing how helpless he felt while holding all the repressed feelings the mind had, getting used as a weapon and Mob using him to "for the sake of others". Mob never truly acknowledged %???, Yet he accepted his help all the time while hating %???.

We see %??? Trying to remove Mob's existance from mind space. Although, can he really do that? I would say no, not really. They are both a part of something bigger, the mind and the body. Mob tried to remove the existance of %??? From the mind, miserably failed.

%??? Tries to do the same thing to Mob. Understandably Mob is terrified, just screaming and crying out of terror. Actually they just switched places, and %??? Was treating Mob how he treated him for so many years. Nothing changed except %??? Got to be in charge after many years.

At the moment Ritsu got hurt, the peaceful connection between other two was gone. This made them get seperated, aware and unaware of each other at the same time.

This is why I believe how there are parallels with DID, especially on the final arc. %??? had the role of a protector alter. Mob doesn't have any memory of the times %??? front (taking control). They are all blurry memories, you can see Mob is confused whenever he gains fully control of the mind and body, not knowing where he is or what he is doing. I also absolutely love how Ritsu getting hurt as a kid is not shown us to completely, because Shigeo doesn't know either. I believe %??? Has those memories locked away, yet still got evilized by Mob for years.

At the end, they both accept each other, making peace between each other. Honestly, what you might see as those kind of "fighting for gaining control of mind" happens a lot to people with DID. Alters might believe they are the most suitable to protect and control the body and mind the best way, causing a chaos in mind space.

I really do see parallels of DID especially on final arc! I don't know if I would headcanon Shigeo as a DID system, but I just really appreciate some representation for dissociation and memory issues 💕 it's a lot more than a losing control situation. I am neurodivergent and with undiagnosed autism, and I see a lot of myself in Shigeo.

Super long post i know but I really wanted to talk about it! Rambling over

Ps: Please also read this, it's amazing 🙏 I strongly believe Mob is an accurately autistic coded character. We need many others like him in mainstream media 💕

#mp100 #mob psycho 100 #loquacious cat rambles #long post #mp spoilers #mp100 manga spoilers #mob shigeo #mob psycho shigeo #mob psycho 100 spoilers #mob pyscho 100 #mp100 analysis #kageyama shigeo #mp100 shigeo #mob psycho spoilers #mp100 spoilers #dissociative identity disorder

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melatonin-melanin · 6 months

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welcome to melatonin-melanin!

☆ greetings! this is a blog i made on a whim to talk about a variety of things regarding the alternative fashion world (particularly japanese fashion), how people of color are seen in it, and how this view affects them. i'll most likely discuss many topics through the lens of intersectionality, a theory explaining that the multiple facets of one's identity inherently determines their life experiences. these facets include (but are not limited to) race, gender, class, and disability. most of my posts will focus on the particular intersection of racial identity, skin color, and mental illness, and how they come together in alt spaces to influence the experience of alternative people of color. there may be more correlation than you think! my goal is to create a space for people to vocalize their own struggles related to race and mental health, as well as for people to feel more comfortable discussing these issues openly and to learn from others' perspectives. i feel that there is a particular lack of openness in the j-fashion and menhera communities when it comes to discussing race-specific issues, intentional or not. i believe we can change that with some time, patience, and will to improve!

admin info, dni, and tagging system below the cut. ☆

★ admin info: you can call me mela or tonin! i identify as a part of the menhera subculture. i use she/they/it, and i adore j-fashion and its history. my favorite aesthetics and styles include yumekawaii, yamikawaii, and girly! i'm also very invested in ethnic studies and race theory, which present themselves in a lot of aspects of my life. these are what i'll be using as the basis for many of my posts!

★ please do not interact under any circumstances if you:

are racist, homophobic, transphobic, or ableist in any way

are a TERF or SWERF

are a nsfw/kink blog

are pro-ed, pro-sh, or generally anti-recovery

believe jirai kei/landmine-type refers to girly fashion, and/or that you can "reclaim" the term

★ tagging system: along with some general tags, i'll be using personalized tags for this blog to hopefully make searching for specific kinds of posts easier! the list is as follows:

#rise and shine - the main category for my general posts discussing fashion, culture, race and/or mental health

#sunny day - any cute coords, accessories, hairstyles, and diy tips and tricks i come across

#cloudy noon - any interesting articles i've found that are related to the contents of the blog

#starry night - posts directly speaking out against, and bringing awareness to racism, ableism, and current events in the world

#sweet dreams - reassurances, affirmations, and comfort for those who need it

#tonin talks - answers for any asks i may receive. im open to asks about many things ranging from silly to serious, so go right ahead!

#misc - anything that happens to not fall into any of these categories

thanks for stopping by, and i hope you learn something new while you're here!!

#rise and shine #menhera #jfashion #メンヘラ #japanese fashion #gyaru #alt fashion #alternative fashion #lolita fashion #yamikawaii #yumekawaii

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relaxxattack · 2 years

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hey, so i still havent read knifetrick yet, but i saw the post you reblogged about it being about capitalism's treatment of disabled people. im aware that this is just one interpretation of your work, but did you consciously make decisions about what messages to send within your story? did you purposefully include imagery or motifs or references or anything else to create a particular theme or idea?

im wondering because im making my own story, and im curious about what others put into theirs. i have a few key ideas i want to send with it, so i'm trying to tie all my characters and their arcs and the symbols and everything in my story to it. my brand of autism tends towards the "everything MUST have a logic to it!" and this is an obvious influence on it, but i still also think it's worth putting a lot of thought into it because theyre ideas i really care about. i want curious readers to be able to look into my story and see how it all ties together, and i want to impart messages of compassion onto my general audience as well. i think that all art has messages within it, whether personal or otherwise, and by being aware of what those are you can create a stronger and more cohesive story. at least thematically. if that is what someone wants to do, of course.

i know knifetrick is a story you started for fun. there is absolutely value in that (in your own joy) and i dont think art without intentional purposes or messages is inferior in any way. but did you ever get an idea for an overarching message in your mind, and implement it? its cool if you didnt, or if you did but dont want to say what it is too btw lol. im kinda just looking for the experience & thoughts another author had with their own thing. (i am very nervous sending this ask. i hope i dont sound like im jumping the gun.)

do not feel bad for asking this question, i'm always down to talk about my written works, even if it takes me a bit to collect my thoughts and figure out a response. yes, the truth is i went into knifetrick from the start with a lesson/moral i wanted to explore and teach. a fun fact about me is that i have several younger siblings, who are often being taught things i personally don't agree with. having conversations with them about what is really "right" or "moral" is awkward and not really doable. but stories and characters have always been a good and safe way for us to have this discussion-- why did this character do that thing, what makes this bad guy bad, and so on. this is why with writing i don't just like to tell a story, but i also like to teach a lesson. as patronizing as that sounds, i kind of just think it's pleasing when stories have a good moral behind them. although they don't need to for me to enjoy them. but back to the actual topic, yes. i did intentionally choose to explore the idea of capitalism's failure of certain groups of people in my story. that is what the main plot is actually wrapped around-- there's the obvious struggle with the main character, ran. he is physically and mentally disabled, he is treated differently than his peers. in a way he is fed from a young age the idea that the only way he can be considered equal to everyone else is to have a use to other people; to be the hardest working member of the order. his society encourages this worldview so that they can take advantage of him, but they don't actually care about him at all. they would discard him if he stopped being useful to them. the second example of this is the other main character, jackie. jackie's society also failed to take care of him-- he was orphaned, and then immediately lacked a support system of any kind, personal or governmental. he turned to a life of crime to make ends meet and repress his emotions, but all that did was eventually make his severe depression worse and manifest itself in a lot of anger issues and lashing out. by the time ran meets jackie, he's attempting to turn over a new leaf and take this opportunity he's been given to make an honest living; jackie cares a great deal about the people around him. the missing children are failed by society in the fact that they go missing in the first place, and nobody has bothered to try and find them (although the blame for that rests mainly on watson's shoulders, seeing as he tricked the king into thinking that was being solved). scoots and clem are failed by society as well- scoots is denied the job she actually wants to have due to her disability, and they are very poor. obviously this is made worse when clem goes missing, and since no one else is doing anything, scoots stops working to look for her sister. possibly the most obvious examples i can think of are maia snail and laggius maximus. maia's children are both autistic, with one of the two showing much more severe symptoms than the other. she's dealt with this in the way she best can as a mother, which is give them things they can comfortably work on to get their energy out and be helpful without having to do anything they don't like. society fails them as well, in that laggius is killed in the pit. but the more important part of their story is something snail tells ran: "i would have loved my brother even if he was never useful a day in his life, because he deserves it". essentially all throughout knifetrick, especially through ran, we are shown this idea of usefulness as equivalent to worth; i.e. how capitalism teaches us to view ourselves. we are shown how faulty of a system that is through the various characters. eventually ran realizes that he does not actually have to do anything useful to be worthy of existence, comfort, or love, and that is the sort of “end moral” of the narrative. ran ditches the council, showing that he knows his own worth and refuses to be tied to people who only ever hurt him, and then jackie helps the king start to reform subbin’s systems so that less people will fall through the cracks as he did.

so yes, that is essentially how i explored the idea of capitalism failing disabled people through knifetrick. there’s likely more stuff that i forgot but that’s what i remember off my head right now. anything anyone else sees in knifetrick about this topic is probably fair as well, death of the author and all that. this is what i intended while writing but other people might have seen more things in other characters that i didn’t think of too hard.

i hope that helps.

(bonus: firefox completely froze while i was at the end of this ask and made me fear for my fucking life. it took so much waiting and minimizing the program before i could safely save this to my drafts and then close firefox. terrifying.)

#knifetrick #long post

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