#people need to shame me more for lazy work

[saudadeko]

ADHD tips from a girlie who was diagnosed in her late twenties and has had little to no support since and is being so brave about it:

1) Make it easy, make it accessible, and make it appealing. If anything this is the most important thing, all tips going forward are based around this concept.

2) That thing you think would help you but you haven’t bought/done it yet because you’re technically surviving without it? Buy it, you need it. It doesn’t matter if people around you might think it’s wasteful or that you’re lazy, you’re not, just do it, trust me.

3) Expanding on tip #2, if you’re like me and eggs are your main source of protein because they’re quick and easy and feeding yourself is a near insurmountable task- buy yourself an electric egg cooker, make a bunch of hard boiled eggs and keep them in your fridge for quick and easy protein to add to any meal (handful of crackers, a hard boiled egg and a banana? 5 star meal right there. Or mash them up with some mayo for egg salad sandwiches). Other easy proteins include: potstickers (put them in instant ramen), edamame (they have microwaveable snack packs), chickpeas (put in salads!), beans (can of beans microwaved with shredded cheese and some tortilla chips), peanut butter (with crackers, apple and cheese, adult lunchable style), and tofu (cut into cubes, throw them into a ziplock with some seasoning and potato starch, shake that shit up and bake it until crispy).

4) Spend a little extra (if you are able) on daily use items that excite you, it will make you more likely to remember/want to do said daily task. For example: the only reason I remember to use sunscreen is because I bought some fancy japanese sunscreen that smells like roses so I get excited to use it, same for laundry detergent and body wash! there’s a gajillion different body wash scents out there, switch it up!

5) If there’s a task you continuously struggle with take a moment to think about which part of the task is making it difficult, it could be something even as small as “I don’t put my dirty clothes in the hamper because my hamper has a lid on it and lifting the lid is one step too many-”, sounds a little stupid huh? But trust your gut, it’s not stupid if it works. See tip #2 and BUY A HAMPER WITHOUT A LID.

6) If you are having trouble starting a task, break the task down further, sometimes the way I start a task is just by going “Ok step 1) stand up-“ and so forth. Don’t worry about the task as a whole just take it one step at a time.

7) If you’re halfway through a task and have to stop, leave it out. All this, “Put things away when you’re done with them.” is bullshit. you will be much more likely to finish the task if restarting it is easier because you left it out plus it’s a visual reminder. You can also create faux deadlines like “I gotta finish this project before my friend comes over on tuesday because after I finish it I can clean off the dinner table.” etc.

8) It’s okay to outsource tasks and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, humans are designed to ask for, and to require help (what do babies do when they’re first born?? cry for help!!) ask for help and receive help without shame, if it makes your life better, you are WINNING.

9) If you have one big overwhelming task that you think you need to get done before anything else, but you feel motivated to do other tasks, do those other tasks first, it’s okay. Otherwise in all likelihood (at least in my case) you’ll put everything off until the last minute and then have to do said overwhelming task and those other tasks won’t get done at all. Doing those smaller tasks also lowers the mental load and you can use them as a motivation launch pad to tackle bigger things.

10) If you notice you tend to not put something away/forget to do something, perhaps consider moving and storing the item closer to where it ultimately ends up or where you are more likely to see it. For example, my makeup, pills, and mail are all stored on my desk because that’s where I tend to do my makeup, take my pills and deal with my mail. I used to store my pills in my bathroom medicine cabinet but all too often I would forget because they weren’t in my line of sight. Now that they’re on my desk, I have multiple chances per day to pass by them, go “oh I gotta take those.” and take them.

11) Open storage, open storage, OPEN STORAGE.

12) Motivation can look like all kinds of things. sometimes the only reason I get out of bed is because I remember I have a fun snack and I get to go eat it if I get up. It’s okay to lean into those simple “animal-brain” type motivators, you’ll eat because then you can use that fun new kitchen gadget you got a daiso? Neat. you’ll shower because then you can paint your nails that fun new color you got? Fantastic. You’ll go to the dmv and do that annoying thing because you’ll take yourself out for boba after? Superb. Lean-IN to those small motivators, they aren’t stupid or childish, they are VITAL.

13) Don’t buy into the cult of “if it’s worth doing, do it properly” it’s guaranteed to set you up for failure. If it’s worth doing, do it in whatever capacity you are able to. I put sunscreen on once a day because that’s fucking better than not doing it at all and I sure as all hell will fail at reapplying it multiple times a day. If it’s worth doing, do it half-assed babieeee.

Go forth and prosper!!! xoxo ✌️🩵

#adhd #actually adhd #living with adhd #adhd tips #felt like writing these out for reference as needed

[thebibliosphere]

Hi there, ive come from your post about ADHD and emotional disregulation, firstly thank you so much for putting it into words, its such a complicated part of how i deal with emotions and i havent ever been able to articulate how to why.

Secondly, in that post you mentioned how you've used stress as a motivator and how eventually your stress regualtion broke, i was wondering if you'd be willing to talk about that? (If not, its not a problem)

I feel like the same thing has happened to me but until i read your post i had no idea that something had... snapped? I suppose? I struggle with motivation all the time and in the past id have a week or a few days left and id be able to suddently push myself very hard to complete whatever it is before the deadline, just barely making it in most cases. However now it seems that i can't find that motivation anymore, deadlines come and pass and i can't being myself to work on anything, and i just end up spiralling into shame and guilt. That motivation was the only thing that I was able to rely on sometimes for things like uni, and i conviced myself that it was just me growing lazy or trying to get out of responsibility as to why the "last minute panic-mode" doesnt work anymore.

Again, if you don't wanna tackle this can of worms or if it's something youd rather not post online i totally get it, its no biggie! thanks so much for making the original post as well, it means a lot

Hello friend, thanks for the message. I'm sorry you're also dealing with this.

The good news here is that I've already talked about this using the rubber band analogy my therapist gave me. (Stress is like a Rubber Band)

If you don't have the mental bandwidth to read all of it now, the tl;dr is "stress is like a rubber band; it can stretch to hold numerous things in place when you need to, but if you do it too often or keep adding more and more strain under the band, the elastic eventually becomes brittle and snaps, taking your mental and sometimes physical health with it too."

I've been in intensive therapy for this for roughly three years now, and trying to piece my brain back together after my last bout of stress-induced productivity gave me a total mental breakdown.

It's... odd not being able to use stress and having to actively avoid it to avoid a relapse. But it is doable. Medication would help, but alas, I've got weird health issues and am unmedicated at the minute.

(And just in case that sparks anyone to go, "Oh, you do all this unmedicated! Wow, that's so inspiring!" as sometimes parents do to me on here as they then tell me they don't want to medicate their kids, I've unfortunately also written a post about what that kind of success looks like from an unmedicated perspective and the kind of suicidal ideation I deal with on the regular because I cannot take meds. It is not pleasant reading, but it is necessary for some folks, specifically anti-med, "if you just tried harder" people.)

A book you may find helpful is Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. It was very validating for me to read about other people going through the same things, and made me feel less of a "this is a personal failing on my part" and more of a "Oh okay yeah, no stress literally breaks people."

It helped soothe some of my own internalized "I just need to try harder" and helped cement me on the path I was already going down with my ADHD therapist toward changing how I view myself and how I manage my ADHD.

I hope that helps! If you've got more specific questions or I didn't touch on something in my old post, I can try to answer them :)

#chronic health tag #adult adhd #adhd

[jeidafei]

Hi, DGM fandom! I'm jeidafei. You may have seen me in Kougeki-scans' scanlation of D.Gray-Man.

I know Kougeki releases have been delayed for these past few chapters. And people have taken to releasing their own translations on Reddit and MangaDex as early as a few days after the Japanese release. We at Kougeki have asked people to wait if they could. People have told us to, basically, go d*e.

And of course, you are perfectly entitled to say so. You are perfectly entitled to release your own translations and not wait. After all, we at Kougeki are just fans of D.Gray-Man, similar to you. We have zero claim over the series.

I normally stay out of the fray when it comes to quarrels with these 'snipers' until now. When I saw the quality of the translations some of these people are putting out.

(Specifically, Chapter 250 on MangaDex)

Japanese is a difficult language. D.Gray-Man is a difficult manga to translate due to its ongoing status, complex nature and plot twists. I have made mistakes myself that others have pointed out. I have my own interpretations that might be different. I readily forgive mistakes I understand are due to the complex Japanese grammar, and the confusing mysteries of the D.Gray characters.

But these are not it. These are just blatant laziness and lack of basic knowledge of even the most recent developments in D.Gray-Man. Or even simple logic. These are the results of people dishing out sub-par work quickly just to get the most exposure possible.

So while we wait for Kougeki's version, I am going to point out these egregious mistakes. We need transparency so that going forward, you can make your own decisions on whether it is speed or accuracy you are looking for.

The original Japanese text says "7,000 years ago" (七千), not "17 years"（十七）. A difference any beginner Japanese learner would notice. Even most D.Gray-Man fans without Japanese knowledge would probably realize something is off based on what we know of the story so far.

The original text says "Do(es) the passion/sentiments run so deep, you must reincarnate into a human who resembles Nea?" (the word 'regret' is simply not there). I think 'passion' or 'sentiments' are more compatible here, considering earlier theories about Tyki, the Noah of Pleasure.

Jasdevi is saying they were at their limits anyway and wouldn't be able to keep restraining Apocryphos for long. When Wisely orders them to dispose of Apo, they scream "Oni!" (Demon) which is quite similar to "Onii-san" (Elder brother), but most people would probably know which one is more fitting in this scenario, even without Japanese knowledge.

When Desires asks Wisely if he is just going to set Apo free like that, Wisely explains that this way, Apocryphos (not Desires or Wisely as in the translation), can keep searching for the Heart for them. Again, basic story knowledge.

Wisely didn't say "Fine, enough already"; this bubble is a continuation of the earlier bubble, spoken by Desires. Together, he is saying "Wouldn't you just spit it out already!?"

In Japanese, many words sound the same and the meaning can only be determined by context or the Chinese characters (kanji) used. In this case, "kikai" can mean either "machine" (機械) or "opportunity" (機会) or "strange" (奇怪), among a dozen others.

Yes, it's difficult, I know. But, you see the kanji. You know the context. I'm sure you can take a guess.

There are a couple more minor mistakes (ones that don't impact your understanding of the story too much). But I'm just going to leave you with one more, the most conspicuous mistake:

The chapter is named "Curse's End" by this translator. Actually, it's the opposite in Japanese. "Owaranu" is a form of "Owaranai" which means "not ending", which fits the revelation of this chapter by Wisely that their 35-year curse has yet to come to an end.

So, there you have it.

As you can see, I'm not shaming people for not being as fluent in Japanese. Not everyone can dedicate almost two decades to learn a language. As I have pointed out, most of these mistakes are rookie-level, and should have been picked up in double-check if that someone is familiar with D. Gray-Man at all. With these nigh unforgivable mistakes, even Deepl and Google Translate are more accurate.

This is a matter of someone not giving enough of a sh*t, plain and simple.

I'm also not gatekeeping scanlation whatsoever. I'm just pointing out the mistakes and actual text because the fandom deserves to know. With the localization drama going on, it proves faithfulness to the actual text and accuracy matters.

Of course, anyone has the right to put out their translation. And I have the right to point out whether they can be trusted. I'm not passing judgment. I'm just providing evidence so the bystanders can decide for themselves.

Lastly, from the bottom of my heart, I thank everyone who has supported the work of Kougeki Scans and waited for our release. I apologize for the delays. We're working on the latest chapter and will release 249 and 250 very, very soon.

#d gray man #dgm #d gray #dgm 250

[hellyeahsickaf]

You know how you look back at past shitty connections, friends, family dynamics, and relationships and you're like "I can't believe I let them treat me that way"? I think it hits differently with disability because when you're disabled you don't always even know that you're being mistreated and/or abused in regards to it.

I know statistically disabled people are more likely to be abused but sometimes there's an additional type of abuse that's hard to identify even in hindsight because no one tells you how abusive it is.

But ableist abuse relating to your disability can look like:

Pushing you to do things beyond your limitations despite their awareness of them.

Blaming you for the "inconveniences" brought on by things beyond your control (ex: missing a movie because you had to wait for your pain meds to kick in).

Not allowing you to take breaks or antagonizing you when you do.

Bullying or making fun of things you can't help like gait, a lisp, an embarrassing symptom.

Trying to "cure" or "fix" you, often framing it as "helping" you. Sometimes they look similar and you might be able to tell by their reaction towards lack of improvement.

Holding over you the things they have to do for you (cooking, cleaning, driving, working, etc).

Giving ultimatums that demand things of you that you can't do (getting a job, keeping up with multiple chores).

Using insulting terms, language, and/or slurs that you have not permitted them to or in a context where there is intent to harm you.

Interrogating you about your disability or trying to find discrepancies between your experiences and what they've heard/read/seen about it.

Implying or saying anything along the lines of you faking, being lazy, or exaggerating. Reducing you to a hypochondriac, saying you enjoy being disabled because you seem to like having things done for you, or that you're lazy or abusing them by depending on them for things.

Asking you about it not to learn more, but to use it against you in some way.

Having a martyr complex, acting as if they're a hero for giving you the support you deserve.

Calling you a burden, implying you to be one, or treating you like one.

Acting like you owe them a debt, sometimes even demanding some kind of repayment. Keeping track of money they spend on you that you won't be able to pay back, feeling entitled to things like control, sex, a portion of government benefits, etc.

Self victimizing. They act like you being disabled causes more suffering to themselves than you.

Accusing you of being addicted to your medication. If you genuinely develop an addiction a normal response is concern not rage, finger pointing, etc. if you don't have one baseless claims are very harmful

Trying to force you to stop "depending" on things you need like medication and disability aids

Comparing you to others that are doing "better" than you. Maybe showing you inspiration porn of someone with no legs for example doing incredible things- which is great for them but the "I don't let my disability stop me so you can do anything" shit is harmful. Some of us will get very unwell if we try, and some just can't.

Trying to make others also see you as dramatic, faking, or lazy. Often embarrassing and mocking you as well.

Withholding things you need like medication or disability aids as a punishment

Saying your disability is karma or something inflicted by a divine entity/religious figure. Maybe as punishment for not praying, being queer, or something else they disagree with.

Saying that it's a result of being "promiscuous"/LGBT. For instance if you have HIV or ME/CFS that was a result of something like mononucleosis ("kissing disease").

Shaming you for things related to your disability beyond your control or expressing embarrassment over these things. including but not limited to: appearance (general but also things like say a lupus butterfly rash or weight gain/loss), having to lay down in public (ex: with POTS), inability to keep up with hygiene, etc.

Lacking boundaries and acting as if they are entitled to information or intrusion of your space/belongings due to the power they hold over you and assistance they may provide.

Implying/saying you're living an extended vacation. Maybe one they say they wish they had because they have to do x y z while you "sit around"

Abandoning you solely for your disability (ex: because you can't hang out, they don't want a disabled partner, think you're faking, etc)

Note that someone doing one or two of these things a few times doesn't always mean they're abusing you (also depends on which). It's about the patterns and frequency of this behavior as well as refusal to improve once aware that they're hurting you. People who care about you don't want to hurt you and the normal response is to do their best not to repeat the action that negatively affected you

There are more examples and you can feel free to list some

✨This is about physical illnesses and disabilities, please don't derail✨

#I've experienced most of these unfortunately and it took a long time to identify some of it as abuse #chronic illness #chronic pain #disability #fibromyalgia #cfs #chronic fаtiguе ѕуndrоmе #actually disabled #spoonie #me/cfs #cfs/me #long covid #tw abuse #medical ableism #ableism #cpunk #cripplepunk

[punksocks]

Black Moon Lilith: And Your Untamable Femininity

*based on my experiences, please take this with a grain of salt

Lilith herself is from Judeo mythology, she was Adam’s first wife but she saw herself as his equal and that didn’t work out too well so Lilith got banished and Eve replaced her. Because this comes from a traditionally patriarchal perspective, Lilith was too much of a seductress and an unfit woman so she literally was cast out and became a demon. (Side note: it’s so interesting that the stories all demonize Lilith but Eve had too much receiving feminine energy herself and received the devil’s instructions and ate from the forbidden tree. It’s a very damned if you’re too feminine and damned if you’re not feminine enough sort of myth)

Lilith aspecting your planets and your houses will often charge the native with almost Plutonian energy. Like imo Pluto and Neptune combined, because you’re charged with this dark feminine energy that’s the opposite of light/traditional feminine energy and on top of that people tend to project on to you based off of this energy. You bring a lot of people’s biases to light.

So Lilith charges the native with energy they need to “tame” in order to be considered proper feminine women. Lilith’s interpretations have expanded the more autonomy women have gained.

Nowadays being being a naturally sultry woman is less shameful right? Well no. Never mind how progressive they may act, many people will expose their real behavior to that sort of energy. It really weeds out those who are actually well intentioned from those who aren’t. Even if you say that you want progress for all types of women you may not have done the internal work to become the person that truly acts that way. Do you actually respect women that carry that sexual/untraditional energy or are you only advocating for a traditional/untouchable feminine person?

With friends, family, possible love interests, peers, and even strangers this question is act every time someone with heavy Lilith energy interacts with them. Because of how these relationships tend to go in a patriarchal society that encourages one kind of good femininity, Lilith natives often find themselves being “tamed” (i.e. shamed) for having this energy.

A lot of Lilith natives get ashamed growing up “not acting like proper women”. Because of that Lilith natives tend to try to force a version of themselves that fits this feminine mold. It often doesn’t work and just gives people the impression that you’re hiding something from them. Like you’re acting as a wolf in sheeps clothing when you’re just trying to exist the way they told you you have to and you cannot fully mute your energy to do so.

Most interpretations of BM Lilith are of women/femmes/people reclaiming the power and alternative femininity they tried to stamp down for ages and embracing the often revealing effects that Lilith has for the shadow sides of other people. I think it’s no coincidence that interpreting Lilith as a more complex figure comes with waves of feminism and discourse around what femininity means exactly.

The real trick is balancing Lilith’s energy- being proud of the advantages and strength that can be found in her energy without being consumed by dark aspects of how her energy may manifest.

Lilith in Aries/1st House: You’re fire and passionate incarnate. You stand out as a leader in any room you’re in with your confident aura. You were probably shamed for being head strong and impulsive. But your braveness and how you embrace yourself at your core is admirable. You need to tame your me first behavior, and to be careful not to bully and bulldoze others while still standing in your strength.

Lilith in Taurus/2nd House: You’re so sensual and tactile. You live for the pleasures of food and luxury, whatever your idea of luxury may be. You may have been shamed for being “lazy” but you can be very grounded and sensual. You have to tame your inner hedonist and make sure you don’t get too lost in worldly pleasures and that you don’t use others to achieve these ends. (Don’t swing to other extreme and deny yourself any pleasure either, you deserve to have a good life, just not to be consumed by having one.)

Lilith in Gemini/3rd House: You’re a charmer with wit to spare. You think about everything and analyze all of your thoughts on what is good and what is bad. You were probably shamed for how you spoke and what you spoke about in your youth. You have to tame your desire to be the smartest one in the room and the impulse to reject all learning. We all have to learn from some source that knew better before us, otherwise knowledge would be empty and cyclic. You’re not lesser if you do not know everything.

Lilith in Cancer/4th House: You have an in depth relationship with your femininity. You may have grown up in an chaotic environment with family scandals and secrets and intense emotional dysfunction. You need to tame your desire for total emotional control over people in your life. Through your fear of feeling lonely you may have poor boundaries with others by way of doing too much and intern expecting too much emotional devotion/sacrifice. If you don’t manipulate others to be emotionally tied to you, you’ll open yourself up to genuine emotional connections and healing.

Lilith in Leo/5th House: You’re so fun and seductive. You’re a star that turns heads and knows how to have a good time. You were probably shamed for enjoying attention and affection you received in your youth and you could’ve been shamed for having crushes and such before you even began dating. You have to tame your desire to be the center of attention at all times and to escape away from the problems of life into frivolous affairs. (This another case of balance, which I’m finding a lot with fixed Lilith placements. Don’t run away from attention and close yourself off from affection either. It’s okay to receive attention and to enjoy it, the same with dating and healing and finding emotionally fulfilling relationships)

Lilith in Virgo/6th House: You’re a hard worker and a very efficient one at that. You rarely get enough credit for how many problems you solve and how many people you’ve saved with your smarts. You may have been shamed for being too uptight in your youth when no one was giving you any support to actually be able to relax. You have to tame your inner overworker. It’s okay to take a break, it’s okay to make a mistake, you work very hard but you’re human at the end of the day. It’s okay to take care of yourself. (And to be honest about your s*xual desires) Also watch out, your co-workers may not be trustworthy.

Lilith in Libra/7th House: You’re a beauty and a radiant individual, and you probably have a lot of admirers. You may have suffered a lot of injustice/unfair experiences at certain stages of your life. You need to tame your desire for balancing everything. I’ll explain lol, you probably attract a lot of people that have extreme personalities and you pour a lot of energy into them in order to help balance them out. You may also become anxious or vindictive if you’re rejected romantically. It’s okay to understand where the line can be drawn and to understand that harmony cannot be brought to every person/situation, especially not through the efforts of one person alone. And that’s okay.

Lilith in Scorpio/8th House: You ooze s*x appeal and you probably have a mesmerizing presence. You have a very powerful energy. You were probably shamed for your interest in s*x/sensuality throughout your life. You need to tame your desire to escape from your emotions/trauma into your s*xuality. You also need to tame your tendencies to become obsessed with the taboo. (This needs to be balanced of course. You shouldn’t deny your s*xuality or your interest in the taboo. It takes a special type of person to explore these sorts of ideas. Just make sure it doesn’t consume your inner world.)

Lilith in Sagittarius/9th House: You’re a firecracker with a sense of adventure and a need for freedom on your own terms. You were probably shamed for being outspoken and questioning the institutions around you throughout your life (heavy emphasis on higher education and/or your family’s religion). You need to tame your need for freedom to a degree. If you have interest in traveling to certain places but a fear of becoming too attached to that place you should still go and have that experience. If you have an interest in a certain religion but you’re afraid of being trapped in that setting you should still learn about that religion. Institutions are old and carry their own hierarchies but they shouldn’t scare you away from exploration. (Be careful not to become obsessive either)

Lilith in Capricorn/10th House: You’re a powerful person. You have a certain air about you that gives off dominant/authoritative energy. People in power tend to listen to you. But you were often shamed for having such a domineering presence, whether you were exerting power over others or they were just intimidated by the weight you held. You need to tame this desire for status and power and any urges to become cutthroat in order to social climb. I believe this is why this position can be prone to having a scandalous reputation. It’s important not to lose yourself to gain power because you’ll lose respect. (Saturn lessons bby)

Lilith in Aquarius/11th House: You’re the definition of a free spirit, you’re really a one of kind person in how you express yourself and your tastes. You could’ve been outcasted socially from a young age, and you may have dealt with bullies/groups turning against you. You need to tame your urge to disconnect from the humane. (Again it’s a lesson of balance, embracing what makes you unique and gives you your ability to think outside of the box, but also not going out of your way to socially detach from all people to the point of embracing truly bizzaro behaviors just to feel that freedom.)

Lilith in Pisces/12th House: You are a person with a deeply ethereal sense about you. You tend to ride the line between the hidden and the mundane in all things you experience. It’s the hardest placement to pinpoint where you were shamed exactly, it probably has to deal with your receptive energy and your sensitivity to other energies outside of yourself, and due to your conscious or subconscious experiences you carry effects of this negativity. You must tame you natural inclination to drift, to detach and separate yourself in an effort to escape. You must balance your understanding and acceptance of the spiritual and the internal with your experiences in the world in order to not be lost to the tumultuousness of this placement. (also stay empathetic but prioritize taking care of your mental health)

#astro observations #astro notes #astroblr #astro community #astrology #lilith astrology #lilith aspects #scorpio #capricorn #aquarius #pisces #gemini #aries #taurus #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #sagittarius

[shmaptainwrites]

Hi hi thoughts on Wilson dating a first responder who comes into the hospital time and time again after calls and such?

Also lemme claim this emoji 🧸

yayyy you picked an emojiiii hehehe and bestie this was so good i blurbed it 💀🫡 also it’s unedited cause i’m lazy

Pairings: James Wilson x GN!Reader

Warnings: mentions of gun shot wound, injury, surgery

Emergency

Wilson rarely found himself in the ER, but an easy way to get doctors moving around to places they weren’t used to going to was a nurse’s strike.

Today he was doing his “nurse-doctor rotation”, as they were calling it, in the ER. It was interesting working in the high pressure, fast paced environment when he was used to slowly forming connections with his patients and those who counted on him. Right now, he was probably just a blurry face to most.

“We’ve got another one coming in!” an occupied doctor called and Wilson rushed over, saying he would attend to it, gathering the information from the first responders to create a chart while they wheeled the patient in.

“47 year old male, GSW to the shoulder, went into V-fib on the way here, we shocked him and his rhythms are normal again.”

“Any preexisting conditions you found out about?”

“Penicillin allergy.”

Another doctor came to deal with the gunshot wound and Wilson kept scribbling down more information on the chart, but paused when the firefighter addressed him.

“You don’t look like an ER doctor.”

He looked own at his clothes, the dress pants and a button up with a tie and his white coat. They were right about that.

“I’m not usually,” he chuckled nervously. “You know the strike and everything.”

“Wilson, what are you doing!” Cameron came and took the clipboard from him. “I told you, you can’t be writing charts anymore, no one can read your chicken scratch, this is the ER, people’s lives depend on this.”

Wilson could feel his cheeks begin to heat up at Cameron’s assertions in front of the very pretty firefighter.

“Yo! Twinkle-Toes! We gotta go!”

You looked back at your crew and then back at Wilson, wishing him good luck with the rest of his shift before jogging back to the engine.

At least he wouldn’t find much of a chance to embarrass himself further and he thought it was a shame he’d probably never see you again.

—

A few weeks later…

“Did you get those patient files from Mercy? They were supposed to send them yesterday, but they’ve been delayed,” Wilson sighed, leaning against the reception desk.

“I don’t think they’ve come in yet, but I’ll double check, just give me a second.”

“You’re an angel, thank you,” Wilson flashed her a grateful smile which seemed to put her in a good mood which always sped things along.

“Hi, sorry, I’m looking for Winston Green. He was brought in a few days ago, firefighting accident. I’m his coworker, I just wanted to come visit.”

Wilson turned his head over to the voice speaking to the other receptionist and had to blink a few times to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating.

The pretty firefighter, just like the last time, only now in civilian attire.

You turned your head and noticed the doctor staring, a smile making it to your lips when you recognized him.

“Dr. Wilson, fancy seeing you here.”

“I could say the same for you,” he chuckled.

“Everything back to normal now?” you asked and he nodded.

“Back over in oncology. That’s where I like it. And you can call me James.”

“James,” you tested out the name, liking how it made him smile when you said it.

“I-I don’t think I caught your name. I mean I could call you Twinkle-Toes but I feel like that’s a workplace nickname,” he joked.

“Right, Isaac is always calling me that in front of people,” you rolled your eyes before properly introducing yourself. “I’ve gotta admit I didn’t think I’d be seeing you again.”

“Neither did I. I’m sorry it ended up happening because your friend is in the hospital,” he said sympathetically and you thanked him for his kind words just as both you and Wilson were given the information you needed from the desk. “I could walk you to your friend’s room if you’d like, it’s on the same floor as my office.”

“Sure, I’d like that,” you smiled and walked side by side with the oncologist, who eagerly asked you questions about your work and what it entailed.

You were both a little sad by the time you reached your colleague’s room so you decided to take the next step and see where it might take you.

“Hey, I don’t know if you’re free later or something, but I have the day off if you wanna grab dinner?” you suggested.

“Dinner sounds nice,” Wilson nodded.

You pulled out a pen from Wilson’s pocket protector and grabbed an old receipt from your purse, scribbling down your name number before handing it to him.

“I’ll call you,” he smiled, accepting the paper. “Maybe over dinner you can tell me how you got the name Twinkle-Toes.”

“Oh, I think that’s maybe more of a tenth date story,” you patted his arm and tucked the pen back into his pocket.

“You predicting there’s gonna be ten?” he asked.

“I think I’d like for there to be ten,” you smiled, and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “I’ll see you tonight, James.”

Wilson turned away to head back to his office with his hands shoved into the pocket of his white coat and a faint pink tint to his cheeks

—

Wilson wished he could say getting woken up in the middle of the night by a cane rapping on his door was an uncommon occurrence, but since his last divorce it seemed more and more regular.

He tiredly walked over to the door, unlocking it and pulling it open, seeing House standing on the other side.

“House, go away it’s 3 A.M.” Wilson groaned.

“Sorry, I can’t. Trying to avoid the team.”

“And you think hiding at your one friend’s apartment is going to do anything other than just make me suffer along with you?”

“Best case scenario, they leave us both alone, worst case, you get them to leave us alone.”

“No,” Wilson shook his head, “Best case is you leave and go home right now.”

“What is that shirt you’re wearing,” House deflected, noticing a difference in his friend’s sleep attire. “Is that a fire department shirt?”

Wilson looked down and nodded his head.

“Where’d you get it from?”

“Does it matter where I got it from-?”

“He got it from me.”

Wilson turned his head around and saw you standing by the hallway leading to the bedroom. You walked up to him and pressed a kiss to his cheek before looking over at House.

“So it’s your shirt?��� House looked like he was about to have a field day.

“No, I got it for him as a gift,” you chuckled. “Any chance you’d be inclined to carry on this conversation another time? I have an early shift tomorrow.”

“You’ll answer all my questions?” he asked.

“Honey, I wouldn’t-,”

“Done,” you nodded and put your hand out for him to shake. “I run into burning buildings for a living, I think I can deal with some invasive questioning. Plus, you’ve met my colleagues they’re a handful and a half.”

“I guess I’ll leave you two lovebirds to it,” House winked and you wished him a polite goodnight before Wilson shut the door and followed you back into the bedroom.

“Be careful on your shift, okay?” he said once you were all curled up in his arms again. “I need to see how this thing plays out with House.”

“Glad you’re so concerned for my safety,” you teased and he shut you up with a kiss. “Sorry I came out, but I thought you could maybe use a hand getting back into bed.”

“You’re probably right,” Wilson sighed while sinking further into the bed. “He’s easier to negotiate with when you have something he wants.”

“He seems like an interesting guy, I’m excited to finally get to know him,” you admitted with a yawn.

“Really?” Wilson seemed surprised. House was an acquired taste for most, he wasn’t sure he’d met anyone who actually genuinely wanted to get to know him more after meeting him, well aside from himself.

“Yeah, he’s your friend. We don’t have to get along as well as you guys do, but it’ll be nice to know a bit more about him.”

Wilson kissed you one more time before encouraging you to go back to bed so you could get a little more sleep before your shift, having a feeling, deep down, you were going to be around for the long run.

—

Wilson often passed the ER on his way out of the hospital to get to his car. Today was no different, he had swapped out his white coat for a jacket and a scarf and was planning on going to grab something for dinner and maybe head over to your fire hall to drop in for a quick visit before going home.

“Hey, hey, have you seen a Dr. Wilson around?”

Wilson turned his head at the sound of his name, noticing one of your colleagues speaking to a nurse.”

“He works in oncology, he’s not usually-,”

“I see him. Yo James!” Isaac waved and he quickly made his way over to see what was happening.

“Isaac, what’s going on?” he asked.

“Look, man, there was a fire,” he started. “Twinkle-Toes and I ran back in to grab this kid that was trapped, but the structure was deteriorating and before I knew it I was pushed to the ground and a beam had fallen on their leg.”

“A beam?” Wilson’s heart sank to the pit of his stomach. This couldn’t be happening.

“We just came in, they’ve gone to surgery for it already. Everyone will be okay, but…just some recovery time I guess.”

Wilson could see how guilty Isaac felt so he felt the need to reassure him on your behalf. He knew it’s what you would have done, you were just doing your job and looking out for your friend.

“I-I’m gonna stay,” Wilson said. “I’ll keep you posted, okay?”

Isaac nodded and reluctantly went back outside to meet up with the rest of his team while Wilson went to talk to Cuddy about what OR you were in.

He felt a small sense of relief knowing Chase was presiding over your injuries, knowing you were in more than capable hands and while he couldn’t go into the OR, he would stand in the observation room until the procedure was completed.

“Chase, how’s it looking?” Wilson asked through the intercom.

“It’s a pretty bad set of fractures, but we’re going to set it with some pins and after some time and PT things should be all healed.”

“What about going back to work?” he asked, knowing how much your job meant to you, anxious to hear the answer.

“I can’t say for sure,” he admitted. “But if you keep a close eye and make sure all my post-op instructions are followed I’d say there’s a pretty good chance things will go back to normal.”

Wilson sighed in relief which made it much easier to wait until the surgery was done and meet you in a recovery room after calling Isaac to let him and your team know that you were okay.

When you awoke after the anesthesia has worn off, you smile a little at the sight of Wilson sleeping in a chair across from your bed, his jacket and scarf draped over the armrest. He looked so peaceful you didn’t really want to wake him up, but you knew he’d give you a hard time if you didn’t.

“Hey, you’re awake,” he grinned, rubbing his eyes awake. “How are you feeling?”

“Loopy,” you chuckled.

“That might be the morphine,” his hand came to hold your cheek, his thumb gently brushing across your cheekbone. “You had a pretty big fall. Or should I say a beam had a pretty big fall on you?”

“I’m alive, that’s all that matters,” you assured him. “And hopefully I can go back to work? Did the surgeon say anything about that?”

“Obviously not right away, but he feels pretty confident if you follow all the necessary PT and healing instructions you’ll be able to go back. Just can’t get away from running into danger, can you?”

“Why do you think I started dating you?” you teased and he laughed, leaning in to press a kiss to your forehead.

“Of all the times you’ve come into the hospital I have to admit this is probably my least favourite,” he sighed. “Try and just bring us patients next time, don’t become one.”

“I’ll try my best, they don’t call me Twinkle-Toes for nothing,” you pinched his cheek. “I’m glad you were working that shift in the ER that day, though.”

“Me too,” Wilson reached over and gave your hand a squeeze, finding it funny how emergencies now made him smile.

#james wilson #james wilson x reader #james wilson x you #dr wilson #dr wilson x reader #dr wilson x you #house md #house md fanfiction #james wilson blurb #james wilson fanfiction #james wilson fanfic #robert sean leonard

[agirlwithglam]

Hi!! I hope I'm not disturbing you but I wanted to ask how do I work hard. Because when I was younger I got really good marks without trying and now the subjects are hard and social media is distracting but I can't seem to delete it. This is also why my grades are even low then before and I'm really afraid to disappoint my parents (being the eldest daughter doesn't help). So can you please just give me some pointers on how can I actually study and not just cry because I don't know how to. Have a great day!! <3

literally omg. is this past me asking me a question?? like actually u have no idea how much i relate and understand this. the "gifted child" who always got good grades without needing to study now finds things more difficult. i know many people have said this, but i actually have been through this not too long ago. i hope these tips help <3

how to work hard + actually study (realistic)

forget hard work. at least do the work! (its so funny because i literally had a post about this all ready in my drafts about to get posted, so i'll keep this short and link the post.) stop focussing on doing hard work like studying 24/7. just put in the basic necessities you need to get a better grade. hard work post link

use the disappointment and embarrassment as fuel. (basically find a very strong why) (mini story-ish thing coming up, skip to the blue text for the actual advice) i still remember the day i got such a bad score on my math and science test, i was FURIOUS at myself and i cried about it! telling it to my parents was one of the hardest things i had to do and feeling their disappointment was even worse. but that became my turning point. i was so ashamed of myself and i resented me so much that i basically just told myself "i dont freaking care what you feel *with distaste*. you brought this on yourself you failure" (a bit very harsh, yes i know) but the way i studied that week- i studied more than i every had before! also doing this doesnt really lower my self esteem a whole lot, but if it does with you, please be gentle with yourself. : so what i'm trying to say it; use that feeling of shame and disapointment as a fuel, a motivation. The big “why”.

ALTER EGOOOSSSS. this helps SOOOO MUCH its so underrated. embody the energy of your fav people who are the academic inspiration you wanna be! example: rory gilmore, paris geller, elle woods, blair waldorf, etc etc! not only is this so helpful but it also makes it so much more fun and easier!!

parent yourself. i used to tell myself to do stuff like "go study now!" or "get up lazy-butt" but in my mind. but what if you tried to say those stuff out loud to yourself? it just creates a whole new level of real. So start telling yourself to do stuff out loud.

honestly just start. stop letting yourself think about how "uncomfortable" and how "annoying" it will be. All you need to know is that you need to get it done. Right? Ok. So now what’s the next smallest step you can take to getting to do the unwanted task? It may be taking out your material, opening your book, etc.

( !! tough love, but very important rant coming up)

You privileged brat. Your parents gave up EVERYTHING so you could have the education that you are having. They worked so so hard for YOU. So YOU can have the life you want. And all for what? Just for you to throw it all away and say “oh im lazy”. HELL NAH.

And also, do you realise how fortunate you are to be even living in such a time/ era where you have access to basically EVERYTHING? You’re stuck on something? You could easily search it up!! And whats more is that you can further learn. You can search up and find out more about the thing that you’re studying, become the smartest person in your class, get so ahead in life. I hope you realise that if you do use all the resources and materials and help that’s been given to you, just imagine how far you could go! Further than Albert Einstine, Elon Musk, etc. you may be like “what! No that’s gonna be too hard!” But did they have the tools that you have right at your hand? No! They made it all the way with just simple stuff and having to work super hard. But you live in a time where you can do TWICE as much without working as hard!!

And one more thing, QUIT WHINING. “Oh school is so hard!” “Oh school is so boring!” Like whattt???? You are so FORTUNATE and LUCKY to be even getting access to such education! MILLIONS of kids out there would kill to be able to learn what you are so easily dismissing right now. So TAKE ADVANTAGE OF WHAT YOU HAVE. Put your ALL, your very BEST into studying and getting good grades because THAT is whats gonna take you so SO far in life.

Thank you very much, *mic drop*. (i still ly pookie)

dealing with social media:

put the screen time widget on your phone home screen. i did this, and i became so embarrassed by the amount of screen time i had in one day (*cough* 12 hours *cough*) that i made certain to stop using it as much.

screen time limits. this may or may not help you, bc i know that when i knew the screen time password, it didn't do a lot of help but when someone else did (like parents or someone you trust), then it definitely worked. this is probably only best if you're a child around under 14 ish bc thats around the age when most parents put screen time limits + after that age you're gonna be a lot more independent.

more *extremely* helpful resourses:

tips to decrease your phone screen time by @imbusystudying

how to reduce your screen time in the digital age? (an article)

studying tips from a straight-A student by @universalitgirlsblog2

how to study like paris geller by @4theitgirls

more blogs i recomend:

@elonomhblog @mindfulstudyquest @study-diaries @thatbitchery

xoxo, vanilla

#agirlwithglam🎀✨ #vanilla's pookies💌 #vanilla studies📚 #vanilla self improvement⭐️ #my darling angels #self improve #self improvement #it girl energy #becoming that girl #self development #it girl #academia #studying #studyblr #study motivation #study tips #study aesthetic #how to study #how to work hard #working hard #hard work #girlboss #girlblog #girlblogging #girlblogger #gaslight gatekeep girlblog #asks #vanilla asks #ask #that girl

[renthony]

Every time I see a post that includes some variation on "if you're self-medicating with tobacco or weed, you need to quit smoking and get on proper meds," I want to slap someone.

Do you fuckers know how hard it is to "get on proper meds" in the world we fucking live in? Are you aware of the various medication shortages happening right now? Are you aware of how hard it is to access healthcare and mental health services when you're marginalized and impoverished?

Mind your own fucking business and put your energy toward literally anything other than "omg if you smoke you will die and everyone will hate you, you gross loser."

"Get on proper meds." Ignoring the fact that I'm already on multiple medications that only lessen my body's various symptoms and don't get rid of them entirely...Bitch, I'd love to get some more effective meds! You gonna pay for it and schedule all the appointments and navigate the medication shortages for me? Are you going to help me advocate for myself against doctors who only want to see me as lazy and drug-seeking because I'm disabled and can't work a regular job?

Are you fighting for harm reduction and compassionate addiction management? Are you doing anything to combat medical discrimination and ableism? Have you put any time and effort into learning the history of the War on Drugs and other anti-drug campaigns, and how criminalization affects marginalized people, and how anti-drug laws have been used to actively target Black people and other PoC? Do you know anything about drug laws, scheduling, decriminalization activism, and prison abolition? Do you know anything about the predatory rehab industry and the ways it hurts people? Do you know anything about what drugs do what, what symptoms they might be used to manage, or what kind of practical safety concerns drug users deal with on a regular basis? Does your understanding of "the opioid crisis" start and end with "opioids sound bad and scary"?

Are you doing anything to mitigate the factors that cause people to take up smoking in the first place? Are you prioritizing bodily autonomy and self-determination? Are you listening to drug users about what actions are helpful and wanted in regard to these issues?

Or are you just in the shame game because you see smokers as stupid, subhuman monsters who deserve what we get?

I need a goddamn bowl.

#I have no weed and I must scream #my brain is vibrating to the left #I have precious little money and not a lot of food and nothing to take the edge off my anxiety or rage today #anti-smoking people get off my goddamn lawn #get out and go away #original post

[dazeddoodles]

I am drunk and i come to you with a request, plz give me something alador x darius please i need it no ones written a fic in ages and im too lazy to finish my own just give me something you are my last hope 😭😭😭 /J

Unfortunately, I can't draw anything new right now but I have some headcanons.

I've seen people portray Darius as the flirty one but realistically I don't think as adults he would be attempting to flirt with Alador, unless maybe it's after they get together.

As teenagers, I can see Darius "jokingly" flirting with Alador or just unintentionally getting him flustered (Amity gets her tomato face from her dad after all). Since they were best friends back then Darius was more open about liking Alador, though (seemingly) platonically at the time.

As adults however Darius keeps up the act of not liking Alador. (If you notice in the show DARIUS is the one who keeps starting shit between them). Even after Belos's defeat, I think they'd have to start talking again to work together but Darius would still act hostile towards Alador to avoid showing he still cares about him. Now Darius would be the one constantly getting flustered over little things like we saw in the finale. Meanwhile, Alador remains oblivious.

Darius genuinely cares about Alador's well-being but tries to hide it. Saying stuff like how Alador needs to not overwork himself and take breaks and then follows it up with "You need to set a good example for your kids. If you can't even take care of yourself, how are you gonna take care of them?" as a cover-up. Although said cover-up actually does make Alador try to take care of himself.

Darius would also be constantly reminding him to eat. I've seen people point out it looks like Alador has a dad bod in the epilogue, he'd eating healthier which is what led to the weight gain.

At the start, Alador would keep reverting back to his old ways of overworking and not taking breaks before having to be reminded by Darius again. Although Alador initially listens to him just to set a good example for his kids, eventually he genuinely doesn't want to "disappoint" Darius.

I imagine an instance where when Darius asks him if he's eaten yet and the answer is no, Alador starts to get a bit embarrassed about it. Meanwhile, Darius is thinking "Is he... blushing??? I didn't know he could feel shame." lol.

Alador isn't good at expressing himself either, specifically, he's not very good with his words which often leads to him unintentionally offending Darius. He often shows affection through acts of service which can also lead him to overwork himself. Especially after being married to Odalia which made him think that working to prove your love was normal in a relationship.

I had an idea once that after they get together when Alador comes back from work with sore shoulders/back, Darius would offer to rub them for him. Alador's not used to having a partner that cares more about him than the work he can do for them.

I can go either way if they're together in the epilogue. I think it would take a while (years?) for them to get into a relationship after being on bad terms for years. But they COULD be together at that point and Darius was just embarrassed about freaking out like that. Alador had the mini Abomination in his pocket after all 🤔

#aladarius #alador blight #darius deamonne #as a raeda shipper i know what its like to be starved for content #so i bring food to others when i can #these are my personal takes on the characters so sorry if they don't line up with how you see them

[yrrtyrrtwhenihrrthrrt]

Yayy here we go

Can you please write a goldenheart one-shot where Ballister breaks something which belongs to Ambrosius (the way he broke it damaged Bal's health too, like a cut or something) and is afraid that Ambrosius will get mad at him only to be surprised that all Ambrosius cares about is his safety?? It doesn't have to be angsty in particular, I'm all for it if you do make it angsty lol

Ayo!!!

Alright we're trying to work on drabbles again. Here you go, I hope you like it! (Movieverse)

-

Ballister leaned back against the headboard of the dorm bed, playing video games while his boyfriend studied for the upcoming Institute exam. Ballister, by this point, felt confident. He had been studying. Ambrosius, on the other hand, had not. So, he was taking the evening to relax and play video games on Ambrosius’s computer. It was way nicer than anything he could afford, he just used the one the Institute issued him for classwork.

Ambrosius yawned and rubbed his eyes. “I'm gonna take a coffee break. Want anything?”

Ballister hummed. “I'll just take hot chocolate, the exam is tomorrow, I'll need to get to sleep early.” He failed to hide the smirk at the look his boyfriend gave him, knowing he would be up all night making up for his prior laziness.

Ambrosius left the room, and Ballister reached for his water bottle off the bedside table. While drinking, he accidentally aspirated some of the water and choked, reacting too late to dropping the water bottle onto the laptop. The heavy bottle split the keyboard and water spilled into the mechanism, causing it to smoke and short-circuit.

In his frantic attempt to fix it, Ballister winced as the broken metal sliced his fingertips and lightly burned his hand. “No no no no, shit!”

Ambrosius ran into the room and Ballister wanted to sink into the floor with shame. He could feel tears welling into his eyes. Since he was small, he knew the value of things. Breaking toys at the orphanage was punished harshly, as there was hardly any money to go around to buy new ones. When he was even littler, his mom was never cruel to him, but her frustration when he ruined or broke things in the apartment where they already had so little was apparent. He saw what happened to people on the streets when they stole food. Loaves of bread were worth more than starving people, and an expensive laptop was worth far more than Ballister.

“Ambrosius, I broke it, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to, I choked on my water and dropped it, I– I'm so sorry–!” He broke down and his vision blurred. “I'll replace it somehow, I promise!”

He felt the laptop removed from his lap and soft hands examine his own. “Never mind that!” Ambrosius said, his voice urgent but soft. “Look at your poor hand, are you okay?”

Ballister sniffled. “What?”

“Bal, you’re all cut up! And the sparks got your fingers. Gloreth knows what those tech companies put in here, you got your tetanus shots, right?”

Ballister nodded softly. “I'm so, so, so sorry. I'll replace it. Or– or I'll fix it! I'll build you a new one!”

Ambrosius waved him off, as if it was nothing. “Don't even worry about that right now! Do you think they need stitches? Maybe I should take you to the med hall.”

“No, no, they're fine, I'll rinse them off and put on some bandages. Ambrosius, won't you listen to me? Didn't you see I broke your laptop?” He hiccupped. Ambrosius met his eyes, his own filled with worry. “Bal, honey, I don't care about that. It was an accident. Besides, this was just my gaming laptop, all my Institute documents are backed up, no harm was done except you being hurt.”

“No harm– your laptop is broken! That thing is worth thousands of dollars!”

“I hate to flex my wealth, Bal, but to my family, that laptop isn't expensive. And even if it was, I don't need it. What I need is for my boyfriend who I love more than anything in the world to be safe and happy.” He kissed Ballister on the nose.

Ballister was too stunned to respond, really. He couldn't imagine the privilege of just disregarding an object so expensive, but he got the impression that Ambrosius wouldn't care about the value either way. How could a few cut up fingers, on him, be worth more? He wasn't the Queen, he wasn't worth fussing over.

Ambrosius, as though he read his mind, nuzzled against his temple and stroked his hair. “You're something money could never buy. I liked my laptop, but I love you.”

Ballister eventually ended up making him a new laptop anyway, despite his insistence it wasn't necessary, but every time he looked at the little scars on his middle and ring fingers, he remembered the first day he'd ever felt truly valued.

#nimona #ambrosius goldenloin #goldenheart #ballister x ambrosius #ballister boldheart #nimona 2023 #nimona fanfic #fic request

[heavenssexiestangel]

Aid Request

I am not used to making such posts, and I debated making it, in the first place... But I need help.

I have been laid off work on Dec 31st, 2023, and I wouldn't have been paid enough to pay what I need to, anyway.

I am in what I hope to be my last year of university. I need to take 2 exams and write my thesis. Unfortunately, I'm also over the usual years, which means I didn't get the state aid to pay less on the University Fees. The delay has been caused both my decaying mental health because of my family, that I live with, and other health issues I suffered in the past 2 years.

I wanted to graduate in March (which means not paying the fees), but my thesis professor said it will probably not be possible. This is due to her not answering my many e-mails about the thesis, so much that I had to ask the Uni tutor for help communicating with her... It's a whole damn saga.

Since dropping out isn't an option (I would want to, but I am not allowed to by said family, who think it would be shameful to drop out now and that people would talk, and that it's my fault for being lazy and stupid - I live with them until October, when I'm moving in with @michaelmilligan, and no, they don't have money to help me out), I need to ask for help covering the Fees.

One fee is already overdue, it should have been paid Dec 19, 2023, but I still hoped to graduate in March. It amounts to €1275 and I will also have to pay a fee over it as well, so it's more than that but I'm not sure how much.

The second fee is also €1275, and must be paid by March 15, 2024.

I can show both on my uni website if requested.

My next goal is to graduate by July.

All this said, I need help covering all of this at least...

If you can spare anything at all, please consider donating through my Ko-Fi or through Paypal (my e-mail is [email protected]). If you'd like to get something out of it, I do have a Redbubble Shop. I don't have many things on it yet, but I hope to add more soon.

So here's what I need so far:

Goal: 0/2550

Thank you,

Dean

#dean talks #mutual aid request #aid request #in need of help #artist in need

[natalyarose]

𝑅𝑒𝒻𝓁𝑒𝒸𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃𝓈 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓂𝓎 𝒶𝓇𝓉… (𝒽𝑒𝓁𝓁𝑜, 𝒮𝓊𝓃 𝒾𝓃 𝐵𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒶𝓃𝒾!)

~ This is a bit of a personal one lol, maybe I'm getting a little too comfy on tumblr- but hey, I like it here and I'm very grateful for everyone who's taken an interest in whatever I have to say :)

~ tagging this on Nakshatra tumblr because I feel like this reflection perfectly encapsulates Venus Nakshatras and is very aligned with the Sun moving into Bharani, the birth of Venus among the Nakshatras

// warning, cringe and angsty lmao

I have such an odd relationship with my artistic process. Unconventional? Stubborn. Sometimes just straight up bad lol.

I want to create beautiful, meaningful things, yet I have this sort of extreme resistance to being perfect or professionalism (however, somehow perfectionism and such a ruthless self-antagonism for not being 'enough' at the same time..).

It's almost like I purposely sabotage my art by intentionally leaving in mistakes, or leaving it somewhat dishevelled in protest of perfection. In hopes that the beauty and artistry still manages to shine through to the right people.

I guess it's also this thing where I feel like the imperfection makes art more unique, more exclusive- more personal & dearly held to the people who do find the beauty in it that I initially wanted to communicate. But, there is a difference between artsy, grungy, rawness and... just being crap, lazy, unrefined, undisciplined. (I'd never refer to someone else's work in this way but myself... mann).

Knowing full well that my artistic creation likely 'needs work', is not a finished product and will very likely be criticised for its' imperfection, I still have the overwhelming urge to go ahead and share it with the world/post it. In all of its' messy (again, maybe just straight up bad lol) glory. Then I wonder why I'm not gaining the traction I want haha. When I inevitably receive criticism, I get so hurt by it, I beat myself up and it eats at me to the point that I can't sleep at night, I'm up reciting the criticisms in my head and weaving them into my very own nightmare!

I don't understand why I do this to myself lmao. Later on after posting & putting myself out there, I hear that imperfection in the song, I hear those vocal parts I stubbornly left in and didn't want to redo, I see the dodgy brush strokes I refused to fix up in the name of authenticity, and I cringe. In fact, I feel such a deep shame for it all that I take everything down out of embarrassment. Even though it was fully my decision to put up something amateur sounding and imperfect.

Maybe it's something like the weight of desire for perfection is too much, so I just go 'to hell with it!'.

It's like an endless cycle for me, and I realise that over the years, if I'd just left things up online and was more patient with myself, I'd probably have cultivated a following of some sort by now, or maybe used peoples' criticisms to improve the art to a greater extent. I mean, there are people who have mentioned to me when they notice the art is imperfect and needs work, but there are just as many lovely people who have gone totally out of their way to express deep appreciation for the music/art I've put out and enjoyed it.

Here's my 'theory' as to why I do this to myself: when I create art, I don't just want to make pretty things, though I want that too. I want to be loved, and FELT. I want to bring people to this raw, vulnerable place in my heart where my ideas emerge from. I want to be loved not in spite of the imperfections, but alongside them, all encompassing.

I don't want to have to be perfect, have $1000 worth of equipment, hours and hours of recording time trying to 'get it right' in order to be understood and deemed beautiful. I don't want to show off how perfect or skilled I am either, I want to make people feel something. I want it natural.

r a w.

I kinda enjoy for art to be unfinished and slightly unpalatable on purpose.

Maybe it's a bit of entitlement on my part, expecting that even if I do a mediocre job, people will still enjoy it and see my 'talents'/message.

Truth be told though, that's how I love other people, how I enjoy others' art as well, it's not just something with me.

When I listen to artists I love, I adore seeing something beautiful, yet somehow messy and jarring. A sort of underground-esque, 'wild feminine' creation. It evokes that much more feeling and passion that something designed to be perfect just lacks to me.

I can't get into a lot of bands that are considered 'objectively good' by many people because they just sound too perfect to me- There's a lot of times I come across artists that sound technically good, very clean but my heart just can't get into it. I find myself listening and thinking 'I wish this was recorded on a toaster', or 'I wish there was a more rough sound to the vocals' lol, I crave the rawness & intimacy that imperfection and roughness lends.

Ugh, it all creates such an internal conflict- like I want my art to be seen, to be loved yet I somewhat reject things it takes for the art to be considered objectively good & well rounded.

The harsh reality might just be that just because I see the beauty in imperfection, just because I know I've got this personal, very niche vision of what 'good' sounds like/looks like in my mind, that doesn't mean other people are going to find value in the same things.

Of course, maybe all of this is just pretentious excuses & my own self-hatred manifested (I don't actively hate myself, I try to be much kinder to myself these days but yknow)

Anyway, I realised that it's the start of Bharani season in galactic centre mid-mula Ayanamsa today & I think this write up really aligns with that.

Thankyou for reading lol.. again, a bit of an angsty personal thing but maybe it could be relevant to someone, if y'all wanna know what Venusian artistic angst looks like in real time lmao 🖤🥀

#nakshatras #astrology #music #artist #aesthetic #vedic astro observations #venus

[cloudcountry]

music notes of the heart

Genre/Tropes: Study dates but its unestablished relationship? Floyd is flirting with you LMAO + Slow Dancing!!

Summary: Your tutor for musicology may not be other people's first choice, but he's yours.

Author's Comments: inspired by this tumblr post!! we truly do need more intelligent floyd content and i've already written for jade's dorky goofy silly side so many times sigh. also seriously, do not ask about the slow dancing merpeople rituals. you can infer. LMAO (@tinyletterz i hope you dont mind me tagging you but i was thinking of you when i wrote this bc yk. Floyd Leech. C:)

~~~~~

You set your books down on the table tucked in the corner of the library and sit down, shifting anxiously as you await your tutor. The smell of old papers and the sound of scratching pens from a few bookshelves away does nothing to dispel your nerves. If Ace and Deuce could see just who you’d asked for help, they surely would have yelled at you for hours and wrung out your neck in frustration.

It’s not like anyone else held the same passion for musicology, though. Besides, Floyd Leech wasn’t that bad once you got to know him.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear, you think as he waltzes into the library, a lazy smirk on his face and his hands shoved into his pockets. His back is hunched slightly as he looks around the library, eyes scanning over each face with an almost predatory grin. You raise your arms and wave him over, trying not to make much noise to avoid being yelled at by the crabby librarian.

Floyd does not share that sentiment.

“Shrimpy!” he yells (honestly you don’t think he’s capable of yelling any louder) and bounces over to you.

He sweeps you into his arms in the blink of an eye, cackling madly as he nuzzles you. The librarian shoots the two of you a glare, and you shrink into his chest with shame. You’ll have to apologize to him later.

“Were ya trying to hide from me?” he breathes, sharp teeth on display as he grins down at your bundled-up form, “You know I’d sniff you out, right?”

“I wasn’t.” you protest, but it falls on deaf ears and Floyd squeezes you closer. His nose brushes against your cheek and he borderline snuggles you and you’re glad you’ve picked a table in the corner because if you were any closer to the center everyone would be staring.

“Alright Shrimpy,” he murmurs, setting you down in your chair with two quick taps on your head, “Ya said you needed my help with musicology?”

“I didn’t know who else to ask.” you say, sliding your textbook over to him with a furrowed brow, “You’re the best in that class and I can’t seem to grasp any of it.”

Floyd sits down next to you and leans in close, so close that you can smell the cologne on his clothing. You let him read through the notes you made on the sheet of lined paper you used to mark your page, gnawing at your lower lip self-consciously. You know you aren’t the best at this subject but it’s Floyd’s best, and you don’t want him to think you’re stupid.

He seems to be able to read minds because Floyd looks over at you with a pout.

“Shrimpy, I’d tell ya if you were stupid. So quit worrying.” Floyd scolds, snatching your hand up and squeezing it as he intertwines your fingers, “The fun thing about musicology is that you can analyze and learn from any angle ya want!”

“Freer subjects are harder to work with, though.” you confess, “I’m not sure how to go about...figuring something out when it doesn’t have structure.”

Floyd sticks his tongue out and blows a raspberry as if to say “Boo, Shrimpy. Now you do sound stupid.” You can almost hear his voice.

“Just pick something and we can start from there. What kind of music do ya like?” he bumps you with his shoulder, a huge grin on his face, “Ya gotta have something.”

You answer him, and he makes an “ah-ha!” noise. He mumbles a page number and flicks through the textbook before coming to a stop at a chapter that goes into that exact type of music. There are music scores printed on the right page and some kind of tree diagram on the left one. You stare at the words incredulously, already lost.

“Come on now, Shrimpy. Work that tiny little brain of yours.” Floyd teases, jabbing your temple with a giggle, “I know you can do it.”

You swat his hand away and wiggle your hand out of his hold, feeling a foreign heat creep up on your cheeks. Floyd giggles again as if he knows, and leans in even closer to you.

“Hey Shrimpy.” he whispers, eyes gleaming in the corner of your vision, “I changed my mind, let’s ditch the reading. I’m getting bored. What are ya gonna do about that, huh?”

You’re not sure you can do anything honestly, but you expected him to leave pretty early on in your study session anyway. It’s a miracle you got him to agree in the first place.

“Oh, you can leave.” you offer him a quick smile and turn back to your textbook, pouring over the words, “I didn’t expect you to stay the whole time- Woah!”

You’re swept out of your chair but the second time that day, and your body thumps against Floyd’s. He stares at you with a cheerful grin as he takes your hands and places them on his arms. You jump a bit when his lanky arms wrap around your waist, but when he starts swaying slowly you get the idea.

“Let’s try something else, yeah?” he snickers, “Can you tell me why people slow dance?”

“Um...to feel emotional closeness?” you say, eyes glued to his rumpled purple shirt so you don’t have to look him in the eye.

“Bingo.” he chuckles, “Merpeople also have dances like this.”

You’re tempted to ask what those dances are for, but you don’t. Floyd sweeps you around and your feet lift off the floor for a second, but you don’t feel like you’re going to fall. Floyd squeezes you a bit tighter as he guides you, somehow avoiding any tables and chairs and bookcases with master precision.

“I didn’t know you could slow dance.” you whisper, “I thought you were more of a fast paced dancer.”

“Meh. Normally.” he shrugs, “But I like dancing like this with ya. It’s fun.”

Your heart flutters.

“Can ya tell me anything else about it?” he hums, lifting his arm and spinning you around. Your breath catches in your throat as he dips you, the arm carefully holding up your waist your only support.

“Um...” you stumble over your words, grasping for any thoughts as you stare into his eyes, “Uh, it’s- um, slow dancing brings people physically closer too? Because you can feel their movement and everything-”

“Good little Shrimpy.” he giggles, hoisting you back up and resuming his more soothing swaying, “See? You’re doing good. I told ya you’d figure it out.”

Did he? You don’t even remember.

“I think I need more instruction.” you mumble, eyes darting away once again.

Floyd laughs loudly at that, but this time you don’t care when the librarian shushes you.

#auburn's fics <3 #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland #twst x reader #disney twst x reader #floyd leech x reader #floyd fluff #floyd leech is a silly guy #floyd x reader #floyd leech fluff #uhhh i dont rlly know if this counts as intelligent floyd? #I HOPE IT DOES..... #I GOT SIDETRACKED #uhhhh its fluffy and thats what matters #BYE NOW LMAO

[childrenofthesun77]

Assuming that the whole 'mahiru is the vessel needed to bring back the count and the 9th servamp will be the servamp of vainglory' theory will be correct, it's interesting how both mahiru and touma can be accused of this sin even if the way it applies to them is opposed.

What touma wants is to be acknowledged and to that end he was willing to become the villain who destroyed the world before mahiru and tsurugi managed to change his mind:

Mahiru's way of being vainglorious seems a lot more positive at first because he wants to be a hero who saves others, but it's self-destructive and encourages laziness in others:

But thankfully we see mahiru starting to let go of the need to make other people proud of him and to prioritize making himself proud in his conversation with tsurugi:

and later when mahiru has a meltdown because he fears his uncle might be dead and suggests sacrificing his life to save the world kuro rightfully yells at mahiru for acting hypocritical and not listening to his own advice:

(I want to mention here that I really love how horrified kuro looks as he realizes that mahiru's reckless hero behaviour comes from a very self-destructing place:

because not a lot of manga I know really acknowledge that maybe the way a lot of their protagonists try to be heroic is actually pretty unhealthy and shouldn't be encouraged? Like Sigurd pointed out at the C3 meeting, it's kind of shameful that the children have to save the day)

Which is why I love that mahiru decided to trust kuro to handle tsubaki without him going with him:

He decides to stay back with everyone else, showing that he has learned that he doesn't need to be the one to do everything and can stay back with the others to buy kuro time.

Interestingly we see touma doing something similar. Opposed to his old need to have the whole world acknowledge him he now wishes for everyone to believe he's dead and he's helping to protect the city by creating a huge barrier without making it known that's he the one doing this:

He's helping the protagonists seemingly with no intention of earning acknowledgement for it.

I think in a way it could be cool of servamp to subvert the shouned trope that for the finale battle the only one able to defeat the big bad is the protagonist while everyone else just watches on from the sidelines, not allowed to do anything because this is the protagonist's moment of glory.

What if lily's plan when he put kuro in mahiru's path was that if kuro tried to stop tsubaki at the gate surely his eve would need to be there with him, right? Because of course he needs his eve to fight and then there's also the distance limit. So why not make the vessel you need at that gate for the ritual to work kuro's eve? Then the vessel would be at the place where you need them without you even needing to do something because naturally they would be thinking they are doing the right thing by going with kuro to fight tsubaki together. And surely someone as vainglorious as mahiru would never pass up the opportunity to be the hero who stops tsubaki. It's foolproof!

Unless of course before the ritual the vessel learned to let go of their vainglorious nature, accepted that it's okay to take a step into the background and trust in others. And additionally also found a way to break through the whole forced proximity thing that the servamp and eves had going on.

I don't know, I feel like it would be a neat bow on mahiru's character arc and a unique way to thawrt the antagonists' plans if the creation of the servamp of vainglory failed because the 'it has to be me' guy they wanted to use as the vessel decided against glory and stayed back to let his partner handle things with tsubaki alone because he trusts him. Kuro on the other hand wants to make up for his past regrets and resolve the conflict through communication this time. Learning to trust in himself again by managing to talk tsubaki out of going through with the ritual on his own would be a logical conclusion to kuro's arc.

#servamp #mahiru shirota #taishi touma #This started as a short post about both touma and mahiru being vainglorious just with one wanting to be villain who destroys the world #While the one wants to be the hero who saves the world #because they both want to be acknowledged #And then it escalated into a post about how the two of them letting go of their vainglory might end up saving the day in the end #As for lily and mikuni I feel like that needs to be resolved by misono #He has to deal with lily to get out of the chess game and tell the others about what he has learned or to confront his brother #Mahiru doesn't really have a deep connection to lily or mikuni #He barely knows them and they see him as a pawn #The one who needs them to understand that he's not a child in need of protection to the point that all they did was lie to him is misono #Lily destroyed mikuni's and his kiriko's lives as well maybe misono can work with that? #Or maybe mikuni is playing 5d chess anyway and all he does serves his end goal to get revenge on lily by making sure his plan fails idk #It is weird that his best known spell has people get hanged if they killed other humans in their life #And now he wants to kill the people of tokyo for power? That doesn't make much sense doesn't it.

[immajustvibehere]

Arthur having a bath with reader?

It pays.

Pairing: Arthur Morgan x fem!reader

oneshot: fluffy and suggestive

Summary: You walk in on Arthur taking a bath at the hotel. Being all wet and cold from the storm outside, you decide to join him in the tub. Maybe this is the best opportunity you get admit your feelings for each other.

2700 words, 15 minutes reading time

The knock on the door was frenetic and you didn't even wait for an answer before you barged in.

"Y/N?!", Arthur almost chocked on his words, anxiously skidding around in the bathtub. You noticed him sinking a bit lower under the surface of the water, shoulders slouching and Adam’s apple bobbing with a big gulp of surprise.

You sure were a sight to behold. Soaked and shivering from head to toe, you had stormed into the Saints hotel’s bathroom. That there was a proper storm outside was no secret. The windows were rattling and the whole building creaking. Rain pelted against the windows and walls. Your feeble presence was a shocking reminder that some people were crazy enough to leave their shelter in such a weather.

As if Arthur remembered that he’s supposed to be this big, brave man; he straightened his back, his chest now emerging from under the milky water and the bubbles. You had seen him shirtless a couple of times, when he had been working in the summer’s heat or when he decided that there was too much blood on his shirt to just hand to the girls to wash. Nevertheless, it was always around other people and – most importantly – he had always worn pants. Arthur cleared his throat and asked:

"What the hell are ya doin here?"

"Dutch send me-", you were still catching your breath while your wet clothes made a puddle on the floor.

"Dutch? Why? Something happened?", Arthur's eyes roamed your face, suddenly anxious to find out his gun is needed immediately.

"No...he – well… he was talking with Micah. Something about an important lead. And Micah wanted me to fetch you immediately. So Dutch....Dutch send me", you sighed.

You both looked at each other. You felt somewhat helpless and frustrated. Riding through a storm wasn’t the most leisurely afternoon activity. Your chest heaved under your soaked clothes that were sticking to you like a second skin. Arthur, on the other hand, looked confused. He tilted his head, considering you.

"An important lead? Sounds like that can wait, at least 'til I've finished my bath. I just got in", Arthur said.

"Yeah..."

"Ya sure Micah wasn't pulling yer leg? Sending you out to ride in a god damn storm?", Arthur leant back in the tub, suddenly more confident around you, when he saw you weren’t in a teasing mood.

"He...probably did...", you admitted. It made you sick, accepting this. On one hand, you hadn’t wanted to talk back to Dutch because you had already had a rather horrible day and in a discussion, you would have surely got the short end of the stick. You hadn’t been in the right state for being shamed and accused of laziness or disloyalty. But also - on the other hand - you had jumped at the opportunity to go and fetch Arthur.

A violent shiver ran down your spine. Cold water dripped from your head down your back, and even though the room had been heated feverishly with a big fire spitting in the fireplace, the wet clothes cooled you down extremely.

"Do you mind me staying? I'd just warm up for five minutes...", you asked.

"Sure", Arthur eyed you as you walked towards the fireplace.

That you got out of your jacket and shirt got him by surprise though. You heard the water in the tub splashing when you peeled the clothes off your skin. They'd never dry in a couple of minutes, but it was still better to be out of them.

"You can get into the tub if ya want. Yer freezing, you need it more than I do", Arthur offered in a soft voice.

You slowly turned around. Arthur sat upright, his arms on the edge, ready to leave if you accepted his offer. It melted your heart.

"I thought you just got in?", you asked warmly, with an underlying teasing tone, as you got closer.

By instinct, Arthur sank down again, checking if the foam covered enough of him. You two had been dancing around for the last couple of months. It wasn't even the case that one of you were oblivious to the fact. You had been flirting relentlessly, showed care and affection for one another - and yet, neither of you had openly admitted that you wanted more. It couldn't be for the fear of rejection because you both knew what you wanted. Maybe Arthur was held back by a weird lack of confidence. How stupid you were to make the mistake of liking him!, he would think. He was dangerous, old, ugly and unlovable. Not nearly good enough to be adored by someone like you. For you, it was a mixture of being afraid of commitment, the threatening idea of it not working out or others making fun of you because of the comical look the couple of you would be. Could you even handle Arthur? Or more importantly, could he handle you? With all your bodily imperfections and weird quirks that you thought rendered you undeserving of his sometimes very pure and simple love.

Those thoughts were always present. When the two of you sat down for a morning coffee, there were those looks that you gave each other, full of love and affection - but what if…?

"I thought you just got in there?"

He felt caught. Of course, he did just say so. And he wouldn't get out for an important lead, but for you, he would.  

"Yes, but-"

"How about I just join you in there?", you suggested, a cheeky grin forming.

"I-...What?", Arthur stuttered. Looking for words. Still, he tried to maintain the upper hand: "sure if you don't mind sharing a bathtub with a filthy outlaw."

You smiled. For a second you thought he might refuse.

"Look away, will you?", you begged. And he listened. Awkwardly looking to the other side of the room while you got out of your clothes. He tried his best to look the other way when you got into the tub, however, he had to admit to himself that it wasn’t entirely impossible to not see you at least in the corner of his eye. He thought he might lose it completely when you gave a silent moan and hum of appreciation for the hot water. Only when you had settled in opposite of him, hugging your knees in front of your body, he dared to look at you again. His cheeks as flushed as yours.

"That's … amazin", you admitted. It was a relief to feel your limbs warm up.

"Can imagine...", Arthur mumbled. You gave him a cheeky smile.

"Not a big talker, all of a sudden?", you teased.

"Naked small talk ain't that easy", Arthur huffed.

"Oh", you mocked, "so you never take a deluxe bath then?"

"Well...sometimes", Arthur defended himself in an offended voice.

"That's a lot of naked small talk, isn't it?"

"Sure, but I'll never see those women again! And they aren’t naked", Arthur fought back.

"So it's a problem that I'm naked?", you asked with raised eyebrows. You knew you had him.

"Problem? No, darling", Arthur chuckled warmly.

He knew you were bad at keeping a relaxed complexion when he called you pet names. He had observed your reaction to them almost immediately and from henceforward had only used them sporadically, being well aware that their use had an effect on you. And this remained true, because now you gulped and quickly avoided his gaze before you collected yourself for another witty remark.

"You won't call for a deluxe bath now, will you? If ya want I can give you a scrub and for the money you buy me a whiskey later", you suggested. Arthur looked unsure, self-consciousness quickly taking over his thoughts. He loved and trusted you, but he was outright embarrassed, knowing damn well a few spots were mud and dried blood blemished his skin.

"Come on...I'll just do your back", you offered with a kind smile.

Arthur sighed and handed the sponge to you. "M'okay", he agreed, carefully turning around in the bathtub. Water spilled over the edge of the bathtub, but neither of you cared really. "That's not one of yer tricks, is it?", Arthur asked anxiously. You had a history of playing small pranks on each other, so it wasn't a surprise he would assume something like that.

"What am I supposed to do?", you chuckled.

"I dunno? Drown me?", Arthur guessed.

"Mhhh", you grinned, "Now you're giving me some ideas..."

You thought about it for a second before you decided against drowning him. Mainly because he was ten times stronger than you and would turn the tables before you could do as much as dip his head under water. You smiled at the thought of naked wrestling in the bathtub. But you started to scrub Arthur's back with the sponge, casting it aside after a few moments to lightly massage his back with your hands. Arthur stiffened when your bare hands touched his skin. You felt the tense muscles in his shoulders when your hands tried to knead the tension away. Absentmindedly, you traced some of his scars on the back with your finger, which had Arthur twitching of the tickle. Your eyes fell on his hair. The tips were wet and clung to his neck. It looked funny and adorable at the same time. You enjoyed it quite a bit that you could stare and smile at Arthur’s handsomeness without him mocking you.

"Want me to wash your hair too?", you asked.

"Y/n ya really don't have to-"

"Oh, but I want. I've only got good feedback from my hair washing skills", you claimed.

"Who was the judge of that?", Arthur asked incredulous.

"Remember Jimmy?"

"Yer dog?", Arthur laughed.

"Sure. He always loved it when I washed him. Couldn't get enough", you said.

" If your only ever customer was a dog, I'm not sure your skills will suffice for-", you interrupted Arthur by pouring a jug of water over his head, wetting his hair and shutting him up in the process. You couldn’t help but laugh when Arthur had to spit out some of the water that had got into his mouth and wipe across his face.

"Have some trust, mister", you mocked.

"I'm startin' to think yer don't deserve to be paid with whiskey after", Arthur shook his head slightly, but him slowly starting to relax suggested that he indeed did enjoy your head massage.

"Maybe your right. I'm enjoying this way too much to demand any payment", you stated. Quickly and silently adding a "I mean, the annoying-you-part of course..."

"'Course...", Arthur mumbled in agreement. In reality, you were happy to be so intimate with Arthur. Finally. The way he gently pressed his head into your hands when you rubbed the soap in. He tried his best to stay decent, always adjusting his position and shuffling an inch away when he felt your breasts touching his back. But when, for the fourth time in a row, you pressed your upper body against his back 'as to reach his hair better', he stayed that way, only turning his head ever so slightly to watch you in the corner of his eye.

In a low voice and with red cheeks he finally said: "Yer teasin' me, girl?"

"Sure am", you poutingly admitted.

Arthur hadn't expected this answer. Normally, you'd just deny it and grin stupidly, he didn't expect it to be any different now. He lowered his head a bit and with a sigh and in a gravelly voice said: "There's only so much teasin' a poor fella like me can take."

You poured another jug of water over Arthur's head, this time more careful to not let it run over his face, but still efficiently washing out the soap.

You sighed. Then secretly grinned before trying to speak monotonously: "For my taste, you take a bit too much, Arthur."

He wanted to turn around. See your expression to check if this was as close to a confession as it would get today, but in this very moment you stood up to get out of the bathtub. Arthur caught a glimpse, but quickly averted his gaze again.

"What's that s'pposed to mean?", he asked while staring down the water in front of him, trying his best to ignore the fact that you were walking through the room butt naked to retrieve one of the towels that were provided on a chair. You feared your heart would break out of your chest any second now. You desperately searched for a way to play the conversation back to him. Lord, you didn't have the strength to actually say it. He'd tease you forever that you were the first to give in. And yet...you couldn't handle it being put off any longer. You feared that if nothing happend now, this would be the last moment for a long time of having had some intimate contact with Arthur. Your body still tickled from the feeling of leaning against his back.

Quickly, you dried yourself and tied the towel under your arms around your body. It was warm from lying near the fireplace and it felt cosy around your waist and torso. Then you took another towel, walking up to Arthur and handing it to him. When he finally looked up from the water to take the towel, you pressed a kiss against his temple.

"Thank you", you mumbled, feeling the blood rush to your cheeks yet again.

"For what?", Arthur asked so softly, you barely recognised his voice. His eyes were glued to your lips, regretting fiercely that they hadn't settled for another spot to kiss him.

"For trusting me", you smiled slightly. Arthur wasn't someone who trusted easily. And even being friends (and a little bit more) for years now, it was still special that he let you wash him. But the man scrunched his nose, his eyes shortly checking yours. His look conveyed that he was a bit offended of the idea that he wouldn't trust you with anything less but his god damn useless life.

"Yer drivin' me crazy woman...", Arthur shook his head. And then, suddenly, he stood up and with a big step left the tub. He didn't regard for one second that water was spilling everywhere - again. He even barely minded the towel, holding it in place in front of his private parts, covering something of which you frankly wouldn't have shied away to take a peek. And while you made a step back to not be drowned in the gush of bathwater, Arthur made haste to close the gap between you again. His free hand finding a place to rest on your cheek and pulling you into a kiss.

One could argue that months of teasing and dancing around each other took a toll on the man, because when the first kiss ended and you bated your eyes open, you already found Arthur's blue eyes staring you down intently. He was quick to close them again and go in for another deep kiss. At first a bit awkwardly, you remembered that you had two free hands, which now found their way to Arthur's shoulders where they rested shortly. Until you couldn't resist entangling them into his wet hair and pulling him deeper into the kiss.

After you broke from each other to catch your breath, Arthur rested his forehead against yours. With a smile on your face, you balanced on your toes, trying to make it easier for the big man. You found yourself feeling a new sort of comfortable around him. So you took a deep breath before you carefully pronounced:

"Arthur Morgan. I think I really like you a lot."

Arthur chuckled lowly, his hand wandering from your cheek to the small of your back, pushing you closer to him.

"You don't say, sweetheart. I couldn’t tell...", Arthur whispered.

You pinched his side, which made him twitch lightly and his towel shift just an inch.

"Do you think Micah's lead can wait until tomorrow", you asked while tracing Arthur's biceps with your finger.

Arthur laughed and peppered your face with small kisses: "It has to. I still gotta pay you, remember?"

"It's not gonna be whiskey, is it?", you chuckled. Arthur chuckled too, now planting a line of kisses down your neck and mumbling the sweetest "No".

#arthur morgan x reader #red dead redemption 2 #arthur morgan #arthur morgan fanfiction #red dead redemption community #arthur morgan x female reader #rdr2 #rdr2 fanfiction #rdr #rdr fanfiction

[jjwho]

Who is your Next Lover

Pile 1. Pile 2

Pile 3. Pile 4

Pile1

Cards pulled out: Five of pentacles, ten of pentacles reversed, seven of wands reversed, three of swords reversed.

Okay pile oneee

Oof so what im getting is that your person might feel left out in the cold, having it ruff especially if its financially, maybe their parents are divorced because of financial issues.

This person really genuinely has it ruff, like they mightve unexpectedly lost a lot of things, like family and espically money, I'm seeing a scene of being in their parents debt and repaying their debt.

Shame man and I see them always surrender so easily and just saying yk fine I'll pay for their debts even though they should. I feel like this person is trying to stay optimistic

This person is someone who has it really ruff but still smiles yk. Hides the pain through a smile and just tries their best and stays optimistic even though the circumstances are bad. I do feel they are trying to ket go of pain and grief but shame man you should take care of them😭🥲

Physical traits:

-Might look German, Dutch or Afrikaans or raised there

-Dark skinned

-Youthful appearance

-Doe eyes

Awww so innocent. I hope that helps you pile one. Just know this is a general reading si nit everything is gonna resonate

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Pile 2

Cards pulled out: Revered- King of pentacles, death, ten of swords

Upright- The High Priestess

Okay pile 2 so uh

This person might not have the best background or past, cause this person might of been very unstable with money and just an unstable person. May come off as cold and rude and greedy. Now they also have a fear of change, they don't want ti change their old habits for some reason. Or didn't want to.

Now maybe they are trying ti change that now, but it takes a really long time for a man or woman like that to change so yeah. Just live your life and don't stay with this person if they aren't gonna treat you well.

They also might come off as mysterious at first or they have a thing for mysterious people and this person really has a thing for desire like he can't control himself and just takes and tales that's what im getting.

(Sorry very toxic masculine energy that's why I called it a him.)

Physical traits:

-oop they may appear to be more feminine, but personality might be masculine

-They have nice nails

-Curvy

-Asian(Asian also means Indian people)

Okay hope that helps pile 2222

Byeee

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Pile 3

Cards pulled out: five of cups,ace of pentacles,seven of cups, seven of pentacles revered

Okay pile 3 sooo

Your next lover is giving me daddy boss vibes

Like this person gots lots of money and opportunities and shit, but idk this person is always focused on the negative, this person is a workaholic doe

This person just needs to set their mind straight, like this person might have a kit of set backs or procrastinate or put their decisions on hold which they shouldnt cause.

Money.

If yk what I mean.

But that's really all that I'm getting tbh, they might a little lazy too when it comes to live, not too experienced in it and enter really been in love. To focused on work yk.

Physical Traits

-They got abs-

-Freckles

-Strong arms

-summer aesthetic

Damn they work out. Hot for uuu

Okay byeee hope that helps pile 3333

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Pile 4

Cards pulled out: eight of pentacles, the devil, judgement, ten of swords reversed

Okay pile 4 so uhm damn

Uh

So you might know this person from work, might be a new worker, they work really hard and might attract a lot of the higher ups. They're confident in there work too, now they might be a bit of a sexual person who's a bit obsessive and yk very sexual and naughty ooop. Yeah yeah. Like a dark but attractive aura. Pure and cool at work but sexy and whatever around outside yk yk.

Some who likes fairness though. Very strong taste in justice. And someone who stands up for themselves and other yk yk.

Sexy, hardworking, good morals, sexy again.

That's all that I'm getting tbh

Physical Traits:

-Doe eyes

-Light skinned

-Brown eyes

-they might not smell the best tho-

Hope that helps byeee

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