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#people can be very good writers but forgetting to acknowledge the other half of the population gives it shaky foundation
pippastrelle · 3 months
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The misogynistic pitfall of anti-misogyny morals (ATLA and Artemis Fowl)
[Note: everyone both suffers from and upholds misogyny no matter what. It's everywhere and in everyone's subconscious biases. People of all genders make the world a better when they take that effort to listen to others' experiences and recognise we're all human.]
‘Show, don’t tell’ is one of the most fundamental rules of writing because nothing takes you out of a story like battling with what you’re reading for the right interpretation. It forces you to back out of the reading experience and re-process everything.
This is where the pitfall of anti-misogyny morals lies in otherwise very well-written media like ATLA and Artemis Fowl.
In the Book 1 finale of ATLA, the protagonists arrive in the Northern Water Tribe where Katara is told she cannot learn martial Waterbending because she is a girl. Katara and the other protagonists revolt against this and the episode ends with Katara being able to join the boys’ class. Similarly, in Artemis Fowl (Book 1), Holly Short is the first female Recon officer. She revolts against surrounding male officers who tell her she should not be in Recon because she is a woman and she continues despite it.
Surely, the interpretation is meant to be “Don’t exclude or look down on people just because they’re girls/women”. However, what do they actually say about girls/women at large?
In ATLA, we don’t see any other girls discuss their inability to learn martial Waterbending, either for or against. We don’t see any other girls join Pakku’s lessons even after he acknowledges Katara as a master. When the Fire Nation invade, we don’t see the women’s healing or general Waterbending skill come in handy. The interpretation you could reasonably come to is no girl or woman in the Northern Water Tribe wants to learn martial Waterbending or has anything to contribute with their Waterbending.
In Artemis Fowl, we learn of one other female officer in the LEP: Lili Frond. But Short balks at the idea of her being in Recon because she’s a “bimbo”. In other words, Frond cannot be Recon because she is unintelligent in a specifically feminine way. Of course, this could reveal Short’s biases. She’s been so degraded for being a woman, she’s internalised that femininity is not appropriate for her profession. However, Frond only ever appears in reference to her rising ranks because she’s an attractive woman riding her family’s coattails. We never hear of other female officers trying to follow Short’s lead or involve any other female fairy. The other prominent female characters in the book are Juliette Butler, who’s a distractable teenage maid that Short mind-controls, and Angeline Fowl, who spends the book catatonic in grief over her husband’s disappearance. Minor roles. The interpretation you could reasonably come to is no woman advances in the LEP on her own skill or has anything to contribute in the central kidnapping plot.
When you set up an anti-misogyny plot in a piece of media that doesn’t lend much agency or interest to other girls/women, it becomes an issue of ‘telling’ not ‘showing’. “Girls can do anything” becomes “Well, Katara and Holly Short can do anything”.
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opinated-user · 2 years
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What's wild is that Aliana's revenge is so flat and uninteresting and has so little effect on her as a person that I sometimes forget it was ever a plot point.
Meanwhile in another fanfic I'm reading, I'm absorbed entirely by the revenge plot because it has such an impact on the characters that you genuinely cannot forget about it. It's impacting them forty years after the revenge was gotten. To TL;DR 300k worth of fic and hours upon hours of canon, one character was being repeatedly raped by three others, and, a year and a half into it, snapped and murdered one in what's basically acknowledged as a mental health meltdown. His best friend helped cover for him... and then went on to go murder the other two rapists without being asked to, because it's 1978 at that point and he knows the cops don't listen to POC when it comes to most crimes but especially aren't going to listen to poor POC who are accusing rich white men.
If LO were writing it, that'd be the end of it. Evil was killed, thus all trauma is gone, no further thought needed, the end.
Because a good writer is writing it, even in 2018 the character whose rapists are all dead is still struggling with trauma. He doesn't like what it says about him that he did that, worries he's a bad person, is horrified to realize that if he had a do-over he probably wouldn't do it all differently, felt tremendously guilty seeing the family of his rapist grieve the loss of their son, and has all kinds of self-doubts that linger well into middle age as a result of this. He can't bring himself to ask his best friend if he killed the other two because if the answer is yes, then he can't deal with that guilt so it's easier just to not ask.
It's forty years later and he still has anxiety issues, still worries about his kids and grandkids becoming victims of the same kind of crime, still has a deep distrust of authority figures because he tried to come forward with accusations and wasn't believed. The evil was defeated, the rapists were killed, he got to go on to marry the love of his life and raise a family and his actions still have psychological consequences because real life isn't as simple as 'kill bad guy, live happily ever after'.
And as a result it's really easy to sympathize with him because when your main character gives a shit about others and has the capacity for guilt, shame, regret and self-doubt, they feel like a person. He feels like an actual trauma victim, too, which is why the murder is so cathartic. You can have both revenge and a family life in one character, you just have to write it so the latter is effected by the former. His resulting anxiety and guilt have made him a very worried, hard-to-understand dad and granddad. That's a plot point that goes on to have impact on the greater story.
IDK, it's late here and I'm rambling but basically what I'm getting at is that it's not that LO's list of Aliana's goals is incompatible with each other. They aren't, that's not the problem. The problem is not considering how a character's values, mindset and trauma would impact those goals even when they're obtained. She can't, because that's more thought and introspection than she's capable of, and that's a lot of work on the author's end to create an end result that's actually compelling.
But Aliana is, as a result, a dime-a-dozen badass Mary Sue who saves the day. Sometimes I forget her name entirely. She's generic. I have actually sat back and asked myself if I would do things any differently than Joe, the character in the other fic I mentioned, did. I've asked myself if I could live with murder, even if someone 100% deserved it, knowing it'd hurt the people in their life who didn't deserve to lose someone they loved to a horrific act of violence that would traumatize them by proxy. Joe has made me actually think in response to his actions, living rent-free in my head outside of the context of fanfiction for months now ever since I started reading. I never think when it comes to Aliana. She'll murder/maim/choke whoever she has to and be done with it and will never, ever lose. Joe fucks up. Joe loses. Joe doubts himself. LO isn't brave enough to let Aliana do those things.
If we handed Joe's writer the premise of Aliana, there's probably a compelling character in there somewhere. The problem isn't the premise. The problem is the writer.
indeed. couldn't have said it better.
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atlasshrugd · 3 years
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I understand that buffy was very cruel to spike in season 6 when he was trying to do good, making him revert back to meeting her where she was (in the dark) because it was easier to reach her there. But I don’t think we should conflate this with feeling like Spike was the victim here.
A lot of fans have an issue with how Buffy treated Spike and talk about how sorry they were for Spike, which I’m not disregarding. But I do have an issue with people regarding Spike as the victim in their relationship.
You have to understand what Buffy was dealing with at the time. She was dealing with a deep depression of not wanting to be alive, being brought back from heaven against her will. She wasn’t rational and would do anything to feel something again. Spike knew this and took advantage of her confusion and weakness at this time because he knew that deep down she wanted him too. He knew she just wanted to feel something from the start. In OMWF, she sings “I just want to feel” before they kiss. It’s not like she didn’t make her reasons for doing it clear. Spike knew this, yet grows disillusioned with this reality when he realises that those feelings of desperation and loneliness cannot evolve into love and need for him. He loves her, but she can’t love him. She tells him this many times, but he keeps insisting that no, it’s deeper than that, you are just lying to yourself. Ultimately, this causes Buffy to lash out at him because he is everything she hates, yet she can’t deny her need for him (which is, her need to feel). Spike keeps conflating that need for love, and grows so frustrated at her unrequited feelings that he is pushed to cruelty and violence.
There is no denying that Spike wants to be good for Buffy, but that desire is like a pipe dream. He tries to do good, be kind, and has genuine tenderness towards her. But that kindness can quickly twist into resentment (one, because soulless vampires can’t feel pure love), because Buffy is turning him into the very thing he hates. Something against his nature. His unnatural feelings for the slayer alone torture him, but to have those feelings constantly denied by her tears him up more, because if he is giving all of himself to her, he might as well have all of her in return. Instead, he gets the shameful part of her. For a while, he takes what he can get, but eventually being regarded as the fractured, shameful part of Buffy’s psyche that she can only half-indulge in takes a toll on him, and he starts to question why he is doing it all in the first place.
People also tend to forget that a vampire without a soul IS pretty much a demon with the past-human characteristics. Soulless things cannot feel the whole range of human emotions, like guilt, remorse, empathy, or love. They can, perhaps, feel shadows of those things. Spike is the most human of all the vampires. He does feel guilt and remorse and love. But those feelings, while to him so poignant, are only remnants of true emotions. And if he feels the intensity of them, it is usually for a self-serving reason. That does not mean he can’t do good and selfless things, because he occasionally does. But his love for Buffy is selfish in nature. He sees her as unconquerable, and if she loves him back, then she will be conquered. They will both be conquered by each other, the very mirror of what they both hate.
He does good things and helps her in fights to win Buffy’s favour. He helps the scoobies for her. But people tend to forget that the only reason Spike was a good guy in season 5 and 6 was because he had the chip in his head. He was forced to ally with Buffy and the scoobies and kill demons. That doesn’t make him a good guy. Like Buffy said, he’s like a serial killer in prison. And in s6, when he thought the chip had stopped working, he immediately goes and finds an innocent girl to bite. This obviously proves that he hasn’t changed. He just wasn’t enabled. How did he expect Buffy to love him when he would still kill innocents? That goes against everything she exists for. And when he finds out he can only hurt Buffy, he doesn’t hesitate to hurt her, until she turns it into sex.
So yes, while I do feel sorry for Spike at times, in no way is he a victim and in no way Buffy is the abuser. They both abuse each other, yes, because it is a codependent toxic relationship, but Spike without a soul is still inherently evil. How can you expect Buffy to treat him nicely when he is constantly taking advantage of her weakened state, drawing her into the shadows, and claiming that she feels things she doesn’t feel? She knows what a soulless vampire is, because of Angelus. She is disgusted with herself. She doesn’t believe Spike’s feelings because she knows that soulless vampires can’t love like that. She knows he is using her just as she is using him. She knows that he would be off biting innocents if he didn’t have the chip. How is that something she can love? When he shows great loyalty, like withstanding Glory’s torture, she acknowledges it with gratitude. He can be good. But she can’t trust in that humanity all the time. He is a wild card. He does good things as much as he does evil things. She can’t trust him enough to love him, as she says in seeing red.
There are a few times when Buffy went completely overboard in her mistreatment of Spike, which she mentions briefly in conversations with dead people. I’m not denying that and I’m not saying he deserves it. There was also that time when Buffy was invisible and she basically coerced him to have sex with her, even when Spike was telling her to leave because “If I can’t have all of you...” This is Buffy being selfish and crossing the line. There are things she’s said to him that are completely uncalled for, such as ‘you’re not a man, you’re a thing. An evil, disgusting thing.’ In that moment when she was beating Spike up, she was beating herself up. She knew she came back wrong and wasn’t even fully human anymore. She was abusing herself by abusing Spike, because he is the unclaimed part of her she doesn’t want to accept.
Anyway, this spiralled out of control, but I just wanted to get my thoughts out. The bottom line is Spike is not the victim in their relationship. They are both victims and have both abused. Spike sympathisers often villainize Buffy in their ‘poor spike!’ narrative, but it’s not as simple as that. Soulless Spike did not deserve to be loved. Buffy was wrong a lot, and she also had her reasons. Spike loved Buffy, but couldn’t love her in the way she needed and deserved.
However, a lot of their relationship fluctuations happened because of the different writers. Some episodes, their relationship seemed to mellow and grow, being based on understanding and care. Other episodes, Buffy would revert to being mean and in denial and Spike would revert to being vindictive and blaming Buffy. I think if they had steady writers who understood both Spike and Buffy’s journeys, then their relationship would have been more consistent and less messy.
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lululawrence · 3 years
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Can u please be nicer on ao3? Maybe you should try answering people's comments
when i read the first line i was honestly flabbergasted and wracking my brain trying to figure out when in the world i wasn't nice on ao3 ever. because i honestly truly try to be nice to everyone always, even when i'm angry or frustrated or people are going after those i love and want to protect. if there was a time i WASN'T nice on ao3, i wondered if it was maybe because my comment had been misunderstood or someone saw me razzing an author i'm good friends with and they didn't get that we are close and i said what i did with so much love and appreciation, you know? like what??? did i do???
but then i read your second line. and please forgive me if i come off as rude in my response to this, because honestly i'm in a pretty bad spot mentally and emotionally in general right now, but PARTICULARLY today, and this ask triggered an anxiety response in me. so. i'm trying really hard to word this in a way to educate without being condescending or mean, but i might not succeed.
firstly, thank you for your comments i'm assuming you've left. i'm also assuming they were nice comments, in which case extra thanks. i'm sure i'll send you effusive responses on ao3 when the time comes.
secondly, please understand that sending an ask like this, on anonymous no less, is incredibly entitled. writing is not my profession, i receive no compensation for my works that i post for free online, and as a part of that it is not required of me to respond. i do my very best to reply to every comment i receive, but it is not always in a timely manner, because i have other priorities in my life. all of which leads us to my third point, which is:
writers do not owe you a reply to your comments. end of. there are no other qualifications or quantifying modifiers to be added to the statement. is it nice to be acknowledged and know your comment was seen? sure. but do they OWE you one? hell no.
in fact, i'd like to offer you a suggestion. a way of tweaking your thinking about the comments you leave on fics. instead of looking at comments you leave as being something that deserves a reply from the author, think of your comments as your way of paying the author for the gift of their time and talents that they have shared with you by posting their fic. that's how i think of the comments i leave for authors. i'm giving them my thanks for the words they've shared! i want to help THEM feel as amazing as they have made ME feel when i read their fic. in fact, my hope isn't necessarily a response from them, but instead my hope is THE GIFT OF THEM SHARING MORE FIC WITH ME. i'm a selfish bitch in that way and i always want all the fic to read. i never want that well to go dry. one way i can ensure that doesn't happen is by supporting authors and being kind to them and spreading all the love and excitement i can about their writing in the hopes that my words will inspire them to share more.
because whether they reply or not, i GUARANTEE they are seeing your comments. i PROMISE they are. and for all you know, your comment might be the one that keeps them writing even when their words aren't coming easily or when they are tempted to give up.
but, again, please remember that no matter what, these authors (including me) don't actually owe you anything.
the rest of this is going under a cut, because honestly my reply is already far too long and i have a LOT more to say now that you've gotten me started.
now, all of this in mind, i'll explain to you why i'm not great with keeping up with comments made on my fics the last couple of years. i don't owe you this explanation any more than i owe you a response to your comments, and i'm honestly not sure you deserve this explanation either, but i'll still offer it anyway. it'll help me feel better knowing i at least put this out there, whether you care or not, mainly because if i don't do that it will cause me greater anxiety having you possibly think i am not responding to people because i feel all high and mighty or that i think i'm better than the comments or whatever the fuck kind of motivation you're attributing to me to see my lack of a response as something "not nice" towards the commenters.
i'm not sure if you've noticed, but i put out a lot of fic. like a lot. a lot of words and shit. i love writing, it's often my therapy and a way for me to help keep my anxiety and depression and ptsd at bay.
now, more personal shit for you, i've got three kids ages 9 and under. the oldest has adhd which we have yet to find a med for that helps to the extent she needs without side effects that aren't healthy for her to continue with, she also has anxiety, AND she's extremely gifted and starting a new program at a new school, all in the midst of a pandemic. and all of those situations exacerbate her anxiety! huzzah! she's also dealing with the beginning of her tween growing up shit, which is great fun because it means where she used to be pretty damn understanding of her younger brother, she is finding it much more difficult to. because the second oldest? he's autistic with some pretty significant gross motor, speech, and socialization delays that have only been exacerbated because of the previously mentioned pandemic. PLUS he transitioned from his special needs preschool to a fully integrated elementary school for kindergarten last year and then had to deal with all the ups and downs of the switch from e-learning to hybrid to all in schooling when everything in him screams for a normal schedule he can rely on to keep his own anxieties and fears and struggles at their minimum. and that youngest child? he was born in january of last year. he STILL barely leaves the house and has only met other children in close range a couple of times because, once again, pandemic!
add onto all of this my own mental health issues, the fact that my husband ALSO battles major clinical depression, adhd, and anxiety, AND we live with my parents who have their own health issues, both mental and physical. i run the home for our house of seven. i keep this place functioning, fed, clothed, clean, and everywhere we need to be for all of our five million appointments every. fucking. day. there is a REASON i've been borderline burnt out for the last fucking year and a half.
now, for fun, i have fandom shit. i love it here, even if it is a dumpster fire on the best of days, and getting to be a part of the writing community is so very lovely. i adore it. honestly, it's because of those friendships i've built with other writers that i have been able to keep writing and have found just how helpful it can be for my mental health. but i'm REALLY. INCREDIBLY. BUSY. i hardly have time to get on tumblr for just a quick swipe through my dash most days. i put off asks so long i forget i have them. i don't have the mental and emotional capacity to talk to people on here or interact fully a lot of the time. but i do my best to do so and be kind while i'm at it even when i don't want to be.
then, on top of that? i also run fic fests like @wordplayfics and help friends run their own. because not only am i a writer, i'm a reader. i LOVE fic. fic has saved me soooooo many times over the past seven years that i've been here. i want to do what i can to support other writers the best way i can, which is to provide a space for them to create their works that welcomes and helps promote them, but also by doing my monthly fic lists and pocast highlighting what i've been able to read, reblogging their fic posts, and then commenting and kudosing their fics too.
sometimes i get really fucking down on myself because i'm so behind on replying to comments, but my brain is very much a "if you start this, you have to finish it" kind of a brain, and i feel even WORSE sometimes if i reply to comments on some fics and not all of them. but i do my best and reply when i can. i was actually really fucking proud of myself because i had a couple days to myself in june, and i spent hours replying to comments on 20 of my fics. when you have almost 150 fics (i think? i don't even know how many fics i've posted by now), that is only scratching the surface. but i tried and i was so so happy i did that many fics at once. it's exhausting, though, and takes a lot of spoons for me to reply to them in mass like that plus time consuming. so i tried to be happy with those 20 fics and the comments i responded to there and told myself that when i ha a moment to breathe, i'd go and work on replying to some more.
but see, that again causes anxiety and guilt. because i haven't replied to all of them. and that anxiety and guilt can cause me to put it off further OR to put off important things like feeding my children or getting sleep in order to finish it, so i have to make myself put things into perspective and ensure i'm doing the important things, like taking care of myself and my family, first.
and then, i have a moment where i CAN go ahead and reply to comments... but i also have MANY fics that are on deadline and i actually have a schedule. a SCHEDULE. for when i'm going to focus on which fics. i can spell it out for you if you really want. i made it back in APRIL to make sure i didn't sign up for too many fic fests because there are so many going on right now that i want to participate in, but i know i can't do all of them so i had to pick and choose. and when you are SO overscheduled and busy that back in APRIL you had to figure out what fics you would focus on at what time to ensure you got everything written when you wanted to through THE END OF THE YEAR, more choices have to be made.
for example. my writing time and time for myself came down to only one evening a week for ALL fandom things i'm doing and a part of right now once the kids were out of school for the summer. it quickly became apparent that for my own self care i needed more time, so i worked with my husband to find two other days i could carve out at least 30-60 minutes to myself to write every week. and i did. but if i'm already only getting that much time and have committed to those fics and fests and things that you're running etc, you have to choose am i going to use this time to try to squeeze in some comment replies? or am i going to write? and i choose to write. simple as that.
so yeah. see it as selfish if you want. see it as mean. you can honestly see it as whatever the fuck you want, but for me? i know that as soon as i possibly can and i can breathe freely for once and not feel like i am constantly drowning in my day to day life and am doing pretty well when it comes to my fic deadlines and getting started on those christmas cards i'm once again going to be making by hand for everyone on tumblr who chooses to sign up for one this year out of the KINDNESS of my heart and the love i really do feel for so many of you, then i promise i'll be on ao3 catching up and commenting. my friends laugh and make fun of me for it sometimes, because they will sometimes get 10-12 replies to their comments in a single day. they know that's how i work. i WILL reply to every single comment i get, no matter how old it is. but for the love of all that is holy, do NOT add to the anxiety and guilt i already feel over it. the only place that will get you is the ask/comment getting deleted if it's a good day, a fucking long rant like this one if it's not, and a block if it's a REALLY bad day.
if you're asking me to be nice on ao3, then i ask in return that you also be nice by not demanding things of people that they are not in any way obligated to give.
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ilovejevsjeans · 3 years
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How Olympian race engineer Tom Stallard helped coach Daniel Ricciardo to Monza victory
Daniel Ricciardo and the ever-improving McLaren team were seen as a match made in Heaven ahead of the start of the 2021 season. But while it all came good at the Italian Grand Prix, Ricciardo’s win at Monza was a product of hours and hours of unseen work, and some confidence-shaking moments along the way. F1 Staff Writer Greg Stuart sat down with Tom Stallard, the man who’s race engineered Ricciardo throughout 2021, to trace the arc of that breakthrough Monza win.
You could make a strong case that Lap 52 of the Monaco Grand Prix marked the nadir in Daniel Ricciardo’s first season with McLaren. As the Australian exited Sainte Devote and accelerated up the hill, he dutifully jinked left to allow team mate Lando Norris to lap him, Norris acknowledging the gesture with a wave from his cockpit. Norris would go on to finish third. Ricciardo, who’d brilliantly won in Monaco just three years earlier for Red Bull, finished out of the points in 12th.
That was May – and yet just four months later, Ricciardo had taken McLaren back to the winner’s circle for the first time since 2012, capping off a superb Italian Grand Prix weekend with an emotional victory at Monza, and leading Norris home in a McLaren one-two.
How did that happen? Ricciardo’s race engineer Tom Stallard has been the man F1 fans have heard soothing and chivvying Ricciardo over team radio this year, a year in which success has been harder to come by than many had anticipated – and he was naturally delighted when Ricciardo combined all his learnings to take the assured win in Monza, his first victory since that 2018 Monaco triumph.
“I was super proud,” Stallard tells me as we chat in the paddock in Sochi, “because we've worked really hard this year to be honest, and it was nice to see him executing everything that we'd talked about and worked on.
“Obviously he did a fantastic job, but he actually did the job that we'd been talking about and working on together. He's a top driver, obviously, joined our team as a top driver, but we’ve actually had to work at it quite hard and in Monza, he really executed that.”
Why didn’t Ricciardo and McLaren gel immediately? Ricciardo’s stellar second half of 2020 with Renault – during which he took two podiums and finished every race in the points – combined with McLaren’s sharp upward trajectory and the arrival of Mercedes power units at the team for 2021, meant that many earmarked the Ricciardo/McLaren combination as a potential surprise package this season.
But despite claiming points in his first four races for the team – including convincingly leading Norris home in Barcelona – right from the off, Stallard says, there were issues.
“I think the Bahrain race [where Ricciardo finished P7 to Norris’ P4 on his McLaren debut] he did quite well, but that was with a lot of time in the car in the [Bahrain] test – I mean, not a lot of time but a bit of time at the test, and a circuit that suits him well,” says Stallard.
“And then at Imola [where Ricciardo finished P6 as Norris claimed a podium in P3] we kind of exposed the problems, if you like, that he was having with the car, and we understood the struggle that we would have.”
As you might expect from an engineer of Stallard’s experience (he joined McLaren back in 2008) his first reaction to the situation wasn’t to panic, but to put in place processes to help bring Ricciardo on.
“We put in place a plan of what we needed to do differently and how we needed to react. And since then actually, we've been on an upward trajectory from that point, but you don't always necessarily see that from the outside.
“There have been a number of races where after the race, he's been frustrated and I've been reassuring him that actually we are seeing progress, and we don't have the good results yet but they're coming.”
So what was it about the MCL35M that wasn’t suiting Ricciardo and his driving style?
“Ultimately,” says Stallard, “all the drivers would choose the same thing, which is very good rear stability, and front end that increases as you add steer. That is totally universal, but the truth is that having a car that does that is the Holy Grail of Formula 1 design; every team up and down this paddock is trying to do that, and succeeding to a greater or lesser extent.
“We have a car that understeers and that's been something that he's had to adapt to and modify his natural approach to get the best out of.”
One thing Stallard is at pains to point out is that, for all of Ricciardo’s famously insouciant manner, beneath the gigawatt smile there lurks one of the world’s top racing drivers, with a work ethic to match.
“Obviously Daniel seems like the most laidback guy in the world,” says Stallard, “but behind the scenes, under the water, the duck feet are going quite quickly.
“Because we were in lockdown and he was in Los Angeles [over the winter break], we did most of his initial integration virtually, and during that phase, he learnt all the switches, what all the toys do, how to use the steering wheel.
"We spent a lot of time talking through the strategy with Daren [Stanley], our strategist. And actually all the communication side, all of the switches, all the controls, he had completely down by the time he went to winter testing.
“He's been in the factory loads, doing the simulator, partly working on his driving with that, but also giving feedback to the team about what he wants from the car,” adds Stallard.
“And at no point during the phase where he was getting up to speed with our package did he question that there was any kind of, the team backing the other driver, or the engineers didn't know what they were doing, or the car was set-up wrong. He just knuckled down, got on with the work, and I think that the whole team has a lot of respect for him for that.”
Ricciardo endured an up-and-down run of form leading up to the summer break, the lows including a tough Styrian Grand Prix where he finished 13th to Norris’ fifth and a Hungarian Grand Prix where first lap contact with Charles Leclerc hobbled his McLaren, leaving him 11th at the flag.
But Ricciardo appeared rejuvenated after the summer break, nailing his best qualifying of the year at that point with P4 on the grid in Belgium – while after a race to forget for the whole McLaren team in Zandvoort, Ricciardo then put together what would ultimately be his winning weekend in Monza, qualifying P5 on Friday, racing to P3 in Saturday’s F1 Sprint before claiming that sensational victory in the race.
Indeed, it was Ricciardo’s anger at qualifying P5 on Friday at Monza (and just 0.006s off his team mate) that seemed to indicate that a change had come in the Australian’s expectations of the level he should be performing at – with Stallard noting the key difference in Ricciardo since the summer…
“I think the ‘frustration at being P5’ thing was there all along,” says Stallard. “For me, the difference with the break is that it helped him not overthink it, so he's adapted better to the way you have to drive our car without it being completely conscious every corner, what you need to do.
Daniel's easy to work with, because if you give him a problem to solve, he goes away and works at it, so the work ethic's always been good, which makes life easy,” adds Stallard. “He doesn't defer responsibility away from himself; he takes a lot on the chin, which means some of what I've had to do is keeping him, let's say, up, because he's taken a lot of responsibility for things himself.
“But from my side, that means he's great to work with, and that collaboration is very strong. And when we got to Monza, we both had a lot of confidence in each other, so that made the result in Monza feel very natural.”
Going forward
Ricciardo leading McLaren to their first victory since Jenson Button’s 2012 Brazilian Grand Prix triumph, and their first one-two since the 2010 Canadian Grand Prix, was a fantastic moment for all at McLaren, and one that was warmly welcomed by most in the F1 paddock.
But Stallard was under no illusions during our chat in Sochi that Ricciardo is still on a journey to being fully comfortable in McLaren’s MCL35M car this season – a point Ricciardo would then back up himself a few days later when, despite finishing P4 in the Russian Grand Prix, he admitted that “there is still some stuff missing”.
“In Monza, the circuit and our technical package aligned well,” says Stallard, “and actually last year we came second there, so it's a circuit that suits our car and obviously Daniel did a very good job putting it all together, and the strategy was correct.
“He now understands how to drive the car; I think he's felt that himself rather than it just being explained to him, which means we have made another step. But it's a much more linear process than it appears from the outside.”
What Ricciardo does have in his corner, meanwhile – apart from the work ethic and talent that have made him an eight-time Grand Prix winner – is a race engineer in Stallard who has been an elite athlete himself, forming part of Great Britain’s silver medal-winning men’s eight rowing crew at the 2008 Beijing Olympics.
And Stallard believes that his own experience as an athlete can help get the best out of Ricciardo, who signed to McLaren on a three-year deal that will take him into Formula 1’s bold new era of regulations with the team.
“In this sport, 20 years ago, the race engineers were very much engineers,” says Stallard. “But now we are coaches, and so we're using the data to guide the drivers in how to get the best out of the car.
“So I see myself now as a coach and I have a lot of experience of being coached, whereas a lot of the other race engineers… don't necessarily have the same experience of being coached. And I think that does give me an insight in terms of the struggles that people have when being coached, especially in a sport where on the way up, drivers often aren't coached that much and it gives me a good ability to manage the pressure and stay calm in what would be a pressured situation as well.
“And I also think that on any journey, although I describe it as a linear process, there's still ups and downs, and there'll be events in the future that are more difficult and that we'll have to respond to and react to. It would be naive to think it's plain sailing from here – but I think that it's a good next step.”(X)
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Rewriting Haggar/Honerva’s redemption arc
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One of the many things that bothered me about VLD S8 is Honerva’s redemption arc. While I was never fully against the idea of Honerva getting a redemption arc, I just didn’t want VLD to do it because I knew that they would fuck it up if they tried. And low and behold, I was right!
But yeah, I wasn’t against the idea of her being redeemed. And I don’t mean “redeemed” as in “all is forgiven and she’s just a good guy now,” but more like a Darth Vader, “the things she did were inexcusable and she would never be able to right all her wrongs but she goes out on one good act to show that there was still good in her deep down and she at least had the potential to change.”
I know a lot of people don’t like the whole, “redemption=death” thing, which I understand, but I personally never had a problem with it.
Ok, so why didn’t Honerva’s redemption work? Well there are a few reasons but the one that baffles me the most is that, instead of trying to make her more sympathetic, season 8 seemed to go out of its way to show her being more evil and vile than ever.
And because I have nothing better to do, I’m gonna go through Honerva’s story in VLD and explain what I would change to make her redemption more believable.
(Keep in mind I am not a writer, this is just me ranting about my favorite character and how I personally would’ve written her.)
1. Realizing she’s Altean
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I always thought it’s was weird that when Allura said “you’re...Altean!?” In the S2 finale, Haggar didn’t seem to react at all, she just kept attacking. It’s as if she didn’t care or already knew, which doesn’t make sense considering in the S3 finale and S8E2 it’s established that Haggar has no memory of who she was before she died. And in S4E3 she seems shocked by her Altean face (which also doesn’t make sense because her blue skin isn’t camouflage that’s just how she looks after the rift) so it seems like she didn’t know.
Wouldn’t it have made more sence if after Allura said “you’re...Altean!?” Honerva looked confused/shocked? If she became defensive and said Allura was lying/trying to insult her? There’s def anti-Altean propaganda in the empire so it would be considered an insult.
After that she starts questioning Zarkon. And when she looks into his mind, it’s out of genuine curiosity and desire to know the truth, not because, “the empire needs him” or whatever that meant.
And isn’t it a bit odd that she doesn’t seem betrayed at all when she finds out Zarkon has been keeping all this from her? She’s just like, “oh, you’re my husband? Cool.” Wtf???
2. Her past relationship with Zarkon
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Okay, I love Zonerva, but if we’re being honest, Zarkon was not the best husband. He enabled the shit out of Honerva, even when it was obvious that the rift was doing serious damage to her physical and mental health. To me, it seems like Zarkon was so blinded by the power the rift gave him that he didn’t realize/ignored the negative effect it was having on Honerva. In the same way he downplayed the negative impact the rift had on the planet.
I think that should’ve been explored more. Maybe Honerva notices that she’s been acting differently and is worried somethings wrong (think S5 Kuron). And Honerva tries to tell Zarkon that she feels strange and Zarkon just brushes it off.
And later, when Alfor visits Diaibazaal years later. Things are pretty much the same except when we sees Honerva, she is very obviously pregnant and Alfor’s there when Honerva falls and goes into labor (instead of a random quintessence seizure). Alfor and many Galran doctors try their best to save her and the baby but she dies in childbirth.
Zarkon goes ballistic. He’s yelling, throwing doctors across the room, and Alfor turns to the doctor holding Lotor and tells them to get the baby to safely, fearing Zarkon will take his grief out on the baby.
Zarkon turns on Alfor, blaming him for Honerva’s death and accusing him of letting her die so that he could get his way and close the rift. He lunges Alfor and roars at him to leave.
He spends the rest of the night grieving at Honerva’s bedside, when Kova jumps on the bed and starts gnawing on her finger trying to wake her up. This is what gives him the idea to bring her back with quintessence.
3. Her current relationship with Zarkon
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I think it’s pretty safe to say that they’re relationship didn’t get better after the war began. Zarkon hid her identity and her child from her for 10,000 years and essentially used her as a tool of war. It’s pretty fucked up.
I know it’s pretty well established that Zarkon treats Haggar with more respect than his other underlings, but I feel like it would be interesting to see that change overtime. We see that after Voltron comes back, Zarkon becomes very obsessed with Voltron/Black, and he and Haggar start disagreeing more and more.
Remember the moment where one of Haggar’s druids told Zarkon Haggar said he needed to rest and Zarkon hit them with his bayard and told them, “remember who your master is”? What if, instead of a random druid, it was Haggar who he hit?
I feel like that would be a good way to show Haggar and the audience just how much Zarkon’s obsession with Voltron is affecting him, and make the audience feel a tiny bit bad for her.
Then later in season 4, when Zarkon wakes up from his coma and finds out Haggar brought Lotor back to take his place he gets pissed. He puts a price on Lotor’s head and has Haggar arrested for treason. She steals a ship, escapes, and later on meets up with Lotor’s generals.
Her and Zarkon are officially broken up and her quest to reclaim her identity and get her son back begins.
4. Oriande
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I never liked the concept of chosen/sacred Alteans. The idea that some Alteans are just born more powerful than others just feels iffy. My idea of Oriande is that it’s an Altean holly land, any Altean can enter it just depends on whether or not you can pass the White Lion’s trial. Passing the trial proves that your intentions are pure and and the White Lion will bless you with power.
I didn’t like how Honerva seemed to force her way into Oriande, I think it would be more effective if she had gone through normally because, at this point, her intentions were pure. She was going there to purge herself of the dark magic corrupting her and reclaim her memories so she could go get her son back.
I also like the idea that Oriande is a sorta link to the Altean after life, and you can speak with people you’ve lost. Allura gets to speak with Alfor, and Honerva speaks with her mother.
You could also have her be confronted by the spirits of the Alteans she helped destroy. Have the weight of her past actions bear down on her. An important part of any redemption arc is acknowledging the terrible shit you’ve done in the past, and that was severely lacking in Honerva’s arc.
Another interesting thing you could do is have Honerva talk to her younger self. The one that died 10,000 years ago. This kinda thing actually happened in 80s Voltron, young Haggar appearing in Haggar’s head trying to convince her to be good again.
5. Her relationship with Lotor
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Now this is where the redemption arc really falls apart. I forget who, but one of the writers said after S5 that Haggar/Honerva was motivated purely by love for her son, but man did they do a bad job of showing that.
And it would’ve been so easy to fix that problem, just have her not be horrible to him. Have them have actual civil conversations, have her protect and defend him. Don’t have her reject him as a fucking baby!
Imagine if, after Zarkon destroys Lotor’s planet, instead of immediately deciding to
exile him, Zarkon says that this is the final straw and he’s going to have Lotor executed. But Haggar speaks up to defend Him. There’s actually a scene in DOTU where Zarkon tries to kill Lotor and Haggar gets on her knees and begs for him to be spared. (Though the scene was mostly played for laughs.)
she asks for mercy and justifies it by saying it would be unwise to kill his only heir. It’s a weak argument, Lotor’s a half breed and couldn’t realistically take the throne, but Zarkon does concede, he still loves her after all, and has Lotor exiled.
And Haggar isn’t spying on him because she doesn’t trust him, but because she’s concerned for him. When Lotor confronts Haggar about sending her cronies after him, she says she knows he’s hiding something. Lotor asks if she’s threatening him, thinking she’s going to rat him out, but she says no, she’s not threatening him, she’s just trying to warn him against doing anything stupid because, with Zarkon seemingly on his death bed, the empire needs Lotor’s leadership.
At this point in the story, Haggar is questioning her loyalty to Zarkon, so I feel like it would make sense for her to be silently supporting Lotor from the shadows.
Then at the Kral Zera in season 5, It was weird to me how she was helping Lotor through Kuron while also telling him he couldn’t be emperor and trying to put Sendak on the throne. I feel like it would’ve made more sense for Sendak to just show up on his own without Haggar.
Haggar wouldn’t even be at the Kral Zera, she would just watch through Kuron.
And then we get to S6 when she actually reveals to Lotor that she’s his mom. This scene was just so poorly done. She never actually apologizes to him, she’s just like “yeah I forgot you were my kid and I never loved you, but were cool now right?” I remember when I saw S8E2 and it shows her after Lotor rejects her and she looks like she’s about to cry, I was just thinking, “this would be very emotional and sad IF she had actually apologized and made it clear that she genuinely loved him.” But she didn’t and I don’t know why!
And then we get to season 8, and of course everything in S8 is bad but Honerva’s story is particularly bad. She’s supposed to be motivated by love for Lotor yet she doesn’t act like she actually cares about him at all.
She manipulates his corpse and when she sees his gross melted body, she doesn’t even react that much. When a mother sees her child’s mutilated corpse, how do you think she reacts? Screaming? Crying?? Hurling??? But no. She’s just like, “...”
And then when she goes to the alternate reality and meets baby Lotor and he rejects her, her reaction isn’t disappointment or sadness, it’s anger and entitlement. She immediately decides, “ok, fuck this kid. Let’s destroy this reality.”
It just doesn’t make sense! This is the season you’re trying to REDEEM her! Why are you going out of your way to make her so vile?
6. Her S7-S8 plan
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(Keep in mind I haven’t watched S7/S8 since they came out and barely even watched S8 to begin with, so I don’t remember some things and I can’t be bothered to rewatch them.)
Okay, starting with S7, she’s not in this season at all but in “The Ruins” the druid dude says that her final order was to hunt and destroy the Blade of Marmora. I guess it makes a certain amount of sense because she saw that it was Keith who brought Lotor’s actions to light, but that whole plot was really pointless in my opinion. (Was anybody really hoping for a rematch between Keith and that one random druid?)
If you want us to forgive Honerva for her crimes, you really shouldn’t keep adding more unnecessary crimes. It’s established that there were a lot of Galra war lords vying for power and pirates looking for money, just have it be that Kolivan got kidnapped by one of them.
Then you have her season 8 plan and I’m gonna be real with y’all, I have no idea how to fix this mess.
I feel like the basics of her plan could work. She tries to get Lotor and Sincline out of the rift but when she gets him he’s a melted corpse so the plan then becomes to use sincline to go to another reality to find a living Lotor, but opening all these rifts causes problems and the paladins have to stop her.
But all the shit with manipulating the colony Alteans, killing the White Lion, desecrating Oriande, and destroying Olkarion and entire realities, it was all so unnecessary.
Personally I would cut the colony Alteans from the story all together, there are other ways for Lotor to betray the team. It was a lazy way of making Lotor 100% evil and having Honerva manipulate them is unnecessarily cruel, especially in the season you’re trying to redeem her.
Here’s a very basic outline of how I would do this plot.
If we’re going by season 8’s logic that she needs a sacrifice to bring back Sincline, I would’ve had the Galra she killed at the Kral Zera be the sacrifice, not the White Lion. She stands on the pyramid and talks about how the empire stole her life from her and she wants revenge as she absorbs their quintessence into herself and then uses that to bring back Sincline.
Then when she finds Lotor dead she takes Sincline and uses it to go to another reality where she can be with her family.
The danger comes when she opens rifts to the other realities and rift creatures start coming out and causing damage. The paladins fight them and follow her into the rift to stop whatever evil plan she may have. Because the paladins don’t know that Haggar is now Honerva and all this is just to get Lotor back. They think this is all some plan for multiverse domination or some shit.
Meanwhile Honerva has just been rejected by little Lotor and seeing Voltron show up pushes her over the edge and they fight.
But when they find out the real reason she’s doing all this they start trying to appeal to her and convince her to give up and close the rift peacefully. And similarly to how the paladins had to sacrifice the castle to close the rifts created by the fight with Lotor, Honerva has to sacrifice herself to close the rifts.
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In the end, I feel like a Honerva redemption arc could’ve worked if the writers were actually competent and actually made an effort to have her be sympathetic, but In canon, her reasoning, “If I can’t indulge in the simple joys of life, why should anybody else?” just doesn’t cut it.
It’s disappointing. VLD had so much potential. I’m thinking of just rewriting the entire series from the beginning. Hopefully putting all my thoughts out into the universe will help me move on.
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darkcircles4lyfe · 3 years
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retrospective & predictions
Since we're on a hiatus week (between 320 and 321) I feel like waxing poetic about the depth and growth of bkdk for a bit. Especially because it seems like we’re right on the edge of their biggest development yet, I’m getting the urge to lay all my perspectives and insights I’ve picked up from others out on the table. This is ultimately only my subjective interpretation of subtextual material in canon, though. If you’ve never quite understood what people see in their dynamic and you’re actually open to hearing me out, maybe from this you can at least see where we’re coming from. And if you don’t like my takes after all, well, we’ll see who’s right in the coming chapters, won’t we? What I have to say can be taken platonically or romantically; I appreciate both. 
putting it under the cut, since it’ll be long:
At the risk of projecting, I want to start by examining a couple things based partly on personal experience.
From many different directions, I often hear people expressing that Deku’s persistent attachment and admiration for Bakugou is baffling at best. Despite the bullying, despite Bakugou’s loud, rude, and uncompromising personality, he still puts effort into their relationship and frequently describes him as amazing. It seems like Deku himself is aware of this as he’s said things along the lines of how he’s difficult, BUT... etc. Although I don’t think it’s exactly that Deku finds Bakugou’s personality hard to be around, but that he’s deliberately expressing patience for Bakugou’s emotional turmoil. 
I have to say I know what this sort of patience is like, as I went through it with someone I love. I only chose to put up with their behavior because I decided the possibility of what our relationship could be was worth it. I wasn’t blind or submissive to how they treated me, and I wasn’t coerced. I simply expressed myself and established my boundaries while still allowing them the opportunity to join me in my world once they got over their own hangups. And guess what? It worked out in the end. That doesn’t mean there aren’t circumstances where it’s better to cut ties, but I want to stress that true reconciliation is possible sometimes. I used to worry that other people around me thought I was delusional for seeking it, but what really helped was my therapist reminding me that I’m smart and strong. So I think Deku deserves to feel the same. In a way this is his whole mission in life, his approach to being a hero as well as his personal relationships.
Let me also be clear though that I don’t mean Deku is only tolerating Bakugou’s personality, his mannerisms, the parts of him that will likely never change. I’m drawing a line between those things and his emotional state (they so rarely align anyway, but I’ll get to that later). In fact, I think Bakugou’s general attitude is part of what Deku admires. This is gonna be hard to explain without inserting personal experience too, sorry. As a writer myself I’ve noticed I’m drawn to writing characters that are brazen and bold and don't mind telling people off. Really it’s because I operate in the world in the polar opposite way. I try not to draw attention to myself, I’m quiet, and I’m a people-pleaser. People who project confidence, especially in an impolite sort of way, fascinate me. It’s good to take cultural context into account, too: I've heard people who’d know better than me that part of the reason Bakugou is the most popular character in the Japanese fandom is likely because he contradicts a lot of their social norms. His disregard is refreshing and cathartic. I can speculate that Deku has a similar point of view based on what he thinks but does not admit about Bakugou being his image of victory and how this sometimes makes him mimic Bakugou’s speech and mannerisms: 
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There’s also the bit in this fight where Deku realizes he's the only one able to receive Bakugou’s emotions. This is because he’s the most intimately familiar with him and his situation, but I think there’s another layer. Deku, as we know, has a self-sacrificing tendency, and in the current chapters we’re seeing the worst side of that. But let’s also not forget that to an extent, it can be a positive trait: resilience. When it comes to Bakugou, he has an almost comical ability to dodge the potential fallout of his outbursts. The example we all jump to (and fight about..) is how in ch1, apart from the initial shock of Bakugou suggesting he jump off the roof, the most he reacts is to criticize him for saying such a ridiculous thing. However, I think their interaction post- sludge villain is a lot more interesting:
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Note two things: 1, in his head, Deku is practically making fun of how Bakugou’s acting as he stomps away without waiting for a reply. It doesn’t faze him. 2, Deku thinks, optimistically, that he can now focus on a different career choice. This is astonishing really. Up to this point, none of Bakugou’s attempts to put him down have worked; he just kept pursuing his dream. The only reason Deku concedes in this moment it because for the first time, he has been shown that he really couldn't do anything in a fight against a villain. All Might told him he couldn't be a hero (although he’s literally about to take that back in the next few pages lol) and the other heroes at the scene gave him a lecture about it too. It was those experiences, and not Bakugou’s words, that truly affected him. And when All Might tells Deku he can be a hero after all, it’s not thinking of Bakugou’s bullying that makes him sob and fall to his knees, it’s the memory of his own mom never telling him those words he so desperately needed to hear. Having spent most of their lives together, Deku must have been aware all this time that Baukgou was influenced by larger societal forces rather than a core judgement, so he didn’t take it personally. He separated the person from the action, and because he’s resilient and patient, he is thus equipped to handle Bakugou’s emotions. It’s a testament to his maturity and emotional intelligence, really. 
But I can almost hear some of you saying, “that doesn’t mean Deku should have to be the bigger person here!” Correct! Just because Deku is perfectly alright bearing all of that, doesn’t mean atonement-era Bakugou sees it this way. We can track his awareness of Deku’s care and selflessness as follows-
The bridge scene, when they’re little kids: Bakugou conflates Deku’s heroism with pity, and subsequently thinks Deku is looking down on him because Bakugou’s own insecurity makes him defensive.
The Sludge Villain, and also Deku vs. Kacchan Part 1: Bakugou witnesses first-hand how easily Deku jumps to risk his own life, but still thinks he’s being looked down on. 
The Sports Festival: Bakugou fights Uraraka and recognizes her endurance strategy and refusal to give up as very Deku-like. He’s half right. He thinks Deku advised her in the fight, when in reality she just mimicked Deku because she admired him. I want to draw attention to his very sober comment about her not being frail. It’s a great endearment of Uraraka’s character and Bakugou’s respect for her when others didn’t take “fighting a girl” seriously, but it also reflects on his opinion of Deku. Deku isn’t weak either. He never was.
Deku vs. Kacchan Part 2: Deku finally corrects him about the whole looking-down-on-him thing, and Bakugou is informed that Deku’s selflessness is in fact the reason All Might chose him. Since Bakugou had been in search of what he himself was “doing wrong” for All Might to favor Deku over him, he now has to reconcile the fact that selflessness is a heroic trait, and moreover something he lacks. This is also possibly the first time Bakugou is able to see his past actions toward Deku as bullying since he previously thought it was more mutual. Additionally, Bakugou can now link Deku’s selfless behavior to what he perceived as pity/contempt, and realize that Deku has been giving him A LOT of grace. Maybe too much. Maybe more than Bakugou deserves, and definitely more than Deku should have to. Holy heck- now Bakugou has to figure out how to live up to all the faith that’s been placed in him. 
Subtextually, we can see Bakugou’s feelings about atonement reflected in the Todoroki family:
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1, Shouto is another example of Deku growing a friendship using his selflessness (since their fight in the sports festival) and their relationship is being acknowledged here where it hasn’t been in Bakugou’s situation. Perhaps Bakugou is wishing it could be so simple for him, to be able to thank him for being his friend like that. Deku saying the pleasure is all his also probably calls to mind how a mere apology from Bakugou would probably be dismissed because that’s just the kind of accommodating person Deku is. Bakugou has to operate more quietly in order to actually make up for their past. I personally don’t interpret this scene as Bakugou being jealous of Deku and Shouto’s friendship, exactly, just the lack of emotional baggage. Side note, Deku and Fuyumi are kinda similar in their desire to repair relationships. I like that she’s the one to give him some credit. 
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2, With the common terminology, this can be interpreted as Bakugou receiving a model for atonement, one that is about action, and nothing to do with receiving favor or forgiveness. It’s a sense of duty. 
Many of the above sentiments are repeated in the flashback conversation between All Might and Bakugou right before Bakugou’s sacrifice. 
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Bakugou acknowledges his bullying and that it happened because of his own insecurities, but aside from that, it’s interesting he neither confirms nor denies All Might’s suggestion that he’s trying to atone, or that Deku doesn’t see it that way. All Might is a bit of an unreliable mentor sometimes, but I don’t think he’s misreading here. Rather, Bakugou is displaying his tendency to hold back when talking about things that would make him really emotional. Besides, admitting to what he’s doing kind of defeats the purpose. He isn’t seeking acknowledgement. All Might has gotten to the crux of the issue here when pointing out that Deku doesn’t recognize the atonement, likely because Deku doesn't think Bakugou even needs to atone. Am I reading into it too much to say Bakugou looks wistful at this? It’s kinda frustrating sometimes trying to interpret Bakugou’s actions because he’s so paradoxical. Loud and in your face, but also extremely reserved. Sometimes I feel like I’m grasping at thin air, but hey, being hard to figure out is part of his intrigue as a character. The simplest way to look at him is to assume that unless he’s really showing vulnerability, he’s probably deflecting and hiding something.
Speaking of Bakugou’s tendency to to hold back emotional stuff, there’s his apparent lack of issue with Deku calling him Kacchan. Maybe to begin with, in his warped perception of things where he thought they hated each other, Bakugou saw it as Deku’s way of getting back at him for calling him “useless,” and didn't dare give any indication that it actually bothered him. However... consider how betrayed Bakugou has appeared when he was noticeably thinking Deku was looking down on him- the bridge scene, and the beginning of their first year at UA when he thought Deku was hiding a quirk all along. He looks shocked and hurt. That kind of emotion couldn’t be invoked by someone Bakugou didn’t actually care about his relationship with. “Kacchan” comes from a long time ago, before their relationship was strained, so it’s connotations are pure. Maybe somewhere deep down, Bakugou has always been hoping that Deku’s continued use of the nickname was not simply a matter of habit or teasing, but a vestige of friendship they’re both clinging to, and Bakugou himself was too afraid to admit to himself that he felt this way about it, so he mostly ignored it. (These are not original thoughts I am having here lol, this is a common interpretation. I’m just laying everything out like I said.) 
And now we turn to the current situation. Personally, I’ve been looking frantically back and forth between them wondering who’s going to break down first (Deku vs. Kacchan Part 3, this time it’s just a fight to get the other person to cry? ha.) Both have looked like they’re approaching a breaking point for some time. Also, I’ve addressed this before, but I think it’s significant that Bakugou is no longer wearing his mask with his hero costume, in contrast to Deku recently donning his own. It feels symbolic of Bakugou about to be upfront about how he feels.
The question is, what is it going to take to get Deku to accept help? If you ask me, Deku has dug himself so deeply into the I’m-doing-this-for-everyone-else’s-safety-and-smiles hole, no common sense argument can possibly reach him. By the end of 320, Deku’s mask is off, and we can see how desperate he truly is. But he has not cried, yet. I predict we’re going to see a bit more of his defiance, this time on full display on his face as the remaining class members and his other friends take their turns. But then I think Bakugou has to be the one to break down so Deku can witness his actions having the opposite effect he intended. People have been pointing out that Deku is currently ignoring Bakugou, and oof, that’s gotta be intentional. Regardless of what Bakugou says, it’s going to be wrapped up not only in his understanding of Deku’s self-sacrifice, but also the betrayal Bakugou feels at being ignored/left behind that ironically echoes his previous perception of being looked down on, as well as a need to express how much he cares about Deku before it’s too late. He must show that the two of them are inseparable because they both act to save each other without thinking, and both feel like losing the other would be like dying themselves. All Might may have been right when he told them they could learn from each other after Deku vs. Kacchan Part 2, but he didn’t fully realize that idea by making sure they stuck by each other for support and balance. 
I can’t wait to see what it’ll be like when they do finally get to that point, totally in synch and in tune with each other. They’ll be a powerful force no one is quite prepared for. Who knows when that will be, or even which chapter will be their big showdown, but I know the day is coming.
To speculate even further, I think the 2nd user is going to be really important really soon. And no I don’t mean to suggest that the 2nd user is Bakugou. But I do think their resemblance is key. Okay this is gonna be convoluted...
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See how 2nd is the only one still standing? I think that’s symbolic of him withholding his quirk. Deku may not even know what it is at this point, let alone have unlocked it. Given that 2nd approves of Deku’s strategy at this point, it seems odd for him to withhold his quirk based on lack of faith. I think if his quirk was something that would help Deku in combat, he would have shown it to him already like the others did. So what if those gauntlets of his are support items that are meant to make up for his lack of a combat-oriented quirk, rather than to augment it? Mind you, I still have no idea what his mysterious power might be, but I’m dead set on it not being explosion-y. Regardless, I think 2nd looking like Bakugou is more about aiding some grand visual parallel, so! You know how 2nd and 3rd were probably intending to do away with Yoichi but 2nd changed his mind as soon as they made eye contact? This is really a long shot, but I wonder if 2nd’s quirk has something to do with that exchange. Maybe it’s something psychological, or some 6th sense about people he meets. So... in that way 2nd’s quirk could play a role in bkdk reaching a deeper understanding? Idk! But it could be significant at least that 2nd left Yoichi’s question about why he reached out to him unanswered. 
One more thing- while I was gathering screenshots I found this. I think “you’re the last one I’m telling” might be foreshadowing for Bakugou revealing his hero name to Deku and it being a Big Deal:
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As for other lingering threads in the overall plot right now, such as the UA traitor, Stain, whatever Tsuyu is apparently about to do, All Might’s car maybe in the background of the last page of 320... man I have no idea. All I know is there’s literally 320 chapters’ worth of build-up to this confrontation that can’t be interrupted. 
See you next week <3
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kingwuko · 3 years
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Wuko in the Comics: Ruins of the Empire, Book 1 part 2
Welcome to my series of posts discussing Wuko in the Comics. In this post I'll continue to discuss RotE Book 1. There are some... interesting moments in the second half of this comic, including a very famous line that all but confirms canon Wuko.
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Plot Summary
Fearing that Guan will use violence to stop the election, the Krew decides to bring Kuvira along with them to Gaoling, hoping that she can talk him down. When they come face-to-face with Guan, however, they discover he does not intend to use violence, but will run in Gaoling’s election. The Krew decides the best solution is to find another candidate with enough public support to defeat Guan fair and square; and they decide to ask Toph to run. It is revealed, however, that Guan does not intend to win fair and square. He’s planning to brainwash Gaoling’s citizens to vote for him.
Major Plot points in the second half of Book 1
We start off right away with the Sauna Scene. Everyone looks excellent. The ladies' sauna wear is lovely. Mako and Bolin have their classic swim suits seen in season 1. Wu is literally just wearing a towel. I found myself googling saunas and steam baths to see if it’s normal to wear swimsuits or just a towel, and everything I read said pretty much anything goes as long as you are comfortable, but I do find it interesting that everyone wears swimsuits except Wu. Maybe because he does steam baths more often and he’s just more comfortable in that setting? He seems pretty confident and not at all shy. I don’t have anything analytical to say about it, I just think it’s an interesting detail, that he doesn’t seem to have any hang-ups about being nearly naked around Mako his friends.
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They are discussing Guan’s militaristic movement toward Gaoling, and tossing ideas around to handle the situation. Mako not-so-helpfully suggests using force with the united forces which Zhu Li shoots down right away, not wanting to escalate the situation. Wu agrees and wants to find a peaceful resolution. Korra, remembering her conversation with Kuvira, thinks she has the answer. She proposes bringing Kuvira along to Gaoling, which NOBODY is happy about. Asami is upset because she made it clear earlier she does not want to be in the same room as Kuvira, Bolin is distressed because Kuvira nearly had him killed when he defected from her inner circle, Mako points out that he nearly lost his arm taking down the mech, Zhu Li says she invaded republic city, Asami reminds everyone that Kuvira killed her father, and Wu boldly declares that we can’t forget she ruined his coronation… He quickly reads the room and apologises (character growth?).
Korra acknowledges everyone’s concerns and points out that she truly believes Kuvira can be an ally- she was their ally when Zaheer was trying to kill her and the airbenders; and when her spirit vine weapon ripped open a new portal to the spirit world, Kuvira thought she had died and Korra believes that changed her. Bolin points out that Kuvira is very persuasive and may have a good shot at convincing Guan to stand down. Everyone is convinced and declares their support for the plan.
Zhu Li orders Kuvira’s release and Korra brings her onto the airship taking them all to Gaoling. And, I’m sorry, this frame is like, the bitchiest collective look from Mako, Wu, Bolin and Pabu. I just love it.
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They initially plan to restrain her, but decide it’s pointless when Kuvira points out if she wanted to escape that she would have already. They arrive at Gaoling and there’s no sign of Guan and his army. Kuvira is certain he’ll be there, and points out that she needs to change so she doesn’t meet with him looking like a prisoner.
Korra and Wu go to meet with the election candidates. Their portraits are on the wall and it’s revealed that the candidates are both elderly magistrates who have been working in the local government for a long time. They are practically indistinguishable from each other, which causes Korra concern. Wu isn’t happy about it either, he was hoping the elections would bring in new leaders to take the earth kingdom in a new direction. Instead, it looks like nothing will change in Gaoling or the rest of the earth kingdom if things play out the same way. They are both disappointed but Korra is optimistic that this is the first election and over things will improve as they iron out the political kinks
Back in the flying machine, they give Kuvira an outfit of Asami’s that is…. Like I can’t put it into words. I’ve never seen asami wear it and that is a shame. The word that comes to mind is “Dapper”. Like is we saw Asami wearing it when they first introduced her character literally everyone would have predicted Cannon Korrasami and immeadiately said “yup Asami’s gay straight women don’t dress like that”. Slacks, a collared long sleeve shirt, with a grey vest over top. Just like, amazing. I am so disappointed we never saw Asami wear this. Someone point me to a fanart of Asami in this outfit that canonically belongs to her please.
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Guan arrives and Kuvira tries to talk to him, which goes about as well as you’d expect. So she tries to appeal directly to his troops and urges them to surrender, and they all say in unison “Hail Commander Guan!”. So Kuvira decides to challenge Guan and beats the crap out of him in a punch that looks like something directly out of a WWII propaganda poster or something.
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Kuvira is literally about to kill him by bending the metal collar around his neck when suddenly Asami electrocutes her with some device she had hidden in the belt she gave Kuvira.
Once Mako and Bolin drag Kuvira away, Korra attempts to reason with Guan and tells him she won’t let him interfere with the election. Guan then reveals he has no intention of interfering- he plans on running in the election! He immediately turns in all the necessary paperwork to be on the ballot. He informs the Krew that soon, all the upcoming elections will have Earth Empire representatives running and once they have power in every territory, no one will question the Earth Empire's right to rule.
They reconvene back on the airship, where Kuvira is detained in the platinum box. They explain to Kuvira that she was wrong to provoke him, but right that he is an excellent strategist. Mako then tells Wu that he should just call off the election. Wu replies “Mako, you know I love you, but I’m trying to encourage democracy. I can’t just go around canceling elections because I don’t like one of the candidates. We need to see how this plays out”
Yes. “Mako, you know I love you”
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We’ll discuss that at length in a bit.
They decide the best path forward is to find a new candidate who is popular enough to beat Guan. Korra excitedly suggests Toph. Which, like, wouldn’t have been the first person to come to mind for me, but I guess she’s the only person they know who is originally from Goaling? But everyone seems on board, except presumably Toph because she doesn't like to get involved in worldly affairs… So Korra announces they will just have to convince her!!
We then cut to Guan's encampment, where he is discussing Kuvira’s actions with a Doctor Sheng, observing that Kuvira just isn’t the same, and that the Avatar has corrupted her mind. The doctor suggests they “recalibrate” Kuvira’s mind and leads him into a structure where she shows him their latest “recruits'. We then see Goaling citizens tied up in chairs with devices on their heads. They are being brainwashed to vote for Guan! Yikes!
Mako and Wu Scenes
The Sauna scene
The meeting that took place in the sauna was at the behest of Wu. He said he was very stressed out so he couldn’t miss his steam bath. I know there are lots of jokes about Wu being high maintenance because he needs his spa days or whatever, but he is in a highly stressful situation right now and we know that self care is essential to maintain one’s mental health and in order to perform one’s job well. I think this was an interesting way to weave together his seemingly superficial hobbies with his new maturity and responsibility. I really loved this scene for that (though seeing all the hot people in sauna-wear is a bonus).
Also there is a recurring thing where Mako is just offering the worst advice to Korra. He wants the United Republic, a completely separate Nation from the Earth Kingdom, to just.. March into another country and ‘enforce’ their democratic process??? Like…. If you know anything about world history and current events we know that is awful and wouldn’t be received well and would be a recipe for political instability and long term conflict. Thank goodness everyone is like Mako no. I’m pointing this out because, as much as we think of Wu as being immature, irresponsible, whatever, the reality is that he has a level head while Mako is actually giving the irresponsible solutions here. It’s a really interesting evolution from the infamous Wu meltdown scene where Mako was the voice of reason, but here things have reversed.
Also, I want to point out the moment where Wu backs down after he adds his grievance to the list everyone is giving (She ruined my coordination!), it’s kind of played for laughs but like… Wu has a totally valid reason to be upset on par with everyone else, considering Kuvira had him drugged and kidnapped…. Why wouldn’t he have said that? Well, the simple and obvious answer is- the writers wanted to make a “Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking” joke. But since us fans like to give depths to the characters that they deserve, maybe Wu is genuinely traumatized and just doesn’t want to bring it up. And maybe everyone knows he’s traumatized and doesn't want to bring it up, because no one else is like “Wu, did you forget she had you drugged and kidnapped???” They just give him a look and he’s like “LOL oops sorry should have said my thing first!!” maybe Team Avatar understands that it was a really scary moment for him and they just let him shield himself with humor.
I know it isn’t isn’t exactly a strong Wuko moment, but the bitchy look that Moko, Bolin, Wu and Pabu give to Kuvira in the airship breathed life into me for some reason. I’m loving how they look like a group of mean girls who were just badmouthing Kuvira before she walked in. I think they were having a nice bonding moment before this.
Mako, you know I love you
Ok. So after Mako casually mentions just calling off the election, Wu flat out says “I love you” to Mako. This is a line us Wuko shippers just DIE for. The full line is as follows:
Mako: I say you call off the vote, at least for now. Make it impossible for Guan to win
Wu: Mako, you know I love you, but I’m trying to encourage democracy. I can’t just go around cancelling elections because I don’t like one of the candidates. We need to let this play out.
So. Like, what the heck are we supposed to make of this?
I’m not going to dig too deep and force my own interpretations and headcanons onto you. This I love you could mean a number of different things. I just want to pose some rhetorical questions about it and the context to give us all some things to think about.
Is Wu flirting? Does Mako actually know that Wu loves him? Is this an extension of Wu’s many other instances of flirting with complimenting Mako (on par with ‘my big tough guy” while staring at his ass)? Has Wu said “I love you” to Mako before? How many times has Wu said “Mako I love you” before? Is this evidence of them actually being in a romantic relationship during this comic? Or is it evidence of romantic tension building? Is Mako just totally oblivious to the fact that Wu said I love you? Or did he hear it and his brain blue-screened from the shock of being blatantly told I love you? Has Wu just gotten fed up that Mako seems oblivious to all his previous flirtations and he just decided to up the ante? Does Mako love Wu back?!
Lots of questions. Lots of interpretations. But (as far as I remember) Mako has only said I love you to two people- his brother and Korra (I don’t think he said I love you to Asami but I could be wrong). And if you’ve read this you know that Mako’s relationship with Wu is not brotherly. We’ve never heard “I love you” from Wu toward anyone else that I can recall so I don’t think he makes a habit of throwing the phrase around lightly. Also, worth noting: Literally no one reacts to the casual “I love you”. Everyone just goes on with the conversation at hand. The next frame that we see of Wu and Mako’s faces together, Mako is SMILING at Wu.
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So like, he’s clearly not uncomfortable with being told that Wu loves him. And no one else is uncomfortable with it either. So what gives? Are they together? Are they flirting? Is everyone else just like “yup Wu said I love you Mako nothing out of the ordinary here because it’s painfully obvious Wu is into Mako, let's move on, nothing to see here”?
Wu and Korra
One thing I LOVE about these comics is the friendship between Korra and Wu. During the series, Korra tolerated Wu, warming up to him a bit at the very end when he told her his plan to abdicate. But through these comics there seems to be a comfortable familiarity between them. A bit of teasing, loads of moral support, and not a hint of her (or anyone) being super annoyed by him. He also doesn’t hit on her or anyone else except Mako, which is a very refreshing character growth because it was very tiresome to watch him objectify women in the animated series.
Korra and Wu spend a good amount of time together as she accompanies him to Gaoling’s city hall. They seem very comfortable with each other, comfortable enough that the writers included a fart joke.
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Korra reassures Wu when he expresses worry about the election being pointless, she steps forward somewhat protectively when Guan shows up- the entire scene with Guan, Korra is standing between him and Wu.
Basically I bring this up because I genuinely love the idea that Korra and Wu are close and friendly, that they have moved on from his cringy behavior from the series (I like to think he apologized to both her and Asami?)
What this means for Wuko
If you are writing fic or just coming up with headcanon, there are two ways to look at the scenes. Either they are in a relationship, or they aren’t. You could easily just say they are in a relationship and are being quiet about it, because they aren’t ready to be fully public, or maybe because they are still figuring things out, or they are waiting for Wu to abdicate and move back to Republic City, etc. “You know I love you” is such an easy piece of canon content to make this your headcanon.
Likewise, one could say they are Not Together right now. Pre-relationship, if you will. Maybe they’ve danced around the idea, discussed feelings without actually getting together. Or maybe they are still clueless that there is a potential for a relationship. Wu might be putting out feelers to see how Mako responds to his flirtations. Mako might be wondering if he’s misinterpreting Wu’s affectionate touches and words. Lots of romantic tension, pining, each wondering if the other one has any feelings.
I also love the idea that Wu and Korra are friends and have discussed or will discuss Mako and Wu’s feelings for him.
So, in summary, Wu loves Mako. It’s canon. It’s right there in black and white. Make of it what you will!
Next post I will discuss Wuko in the first half of RotE Book 2. Wu goes on a life-changing field trip with Korra to meet Toph and confront a swamp-vision of his Late Great Aunt, while Mako gets captured and brainwashed by Guan. Wu and Mako are not together during these scenes but there will be lots of wonderful Wu backstory along with plenty of angst potential from the brainwashing storyline.
Wuko in Turf Wars
Wuko in RotE part 1
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athenadione · 3 years
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‘you are mine (and I am yours)’
In which you can find out the hard way that demons don't like sharing. @vi-la-vi
AthenaDione and I did a thing! Everyone loves jealous Damian, but hear us out....jealous Raven? Hope you enjoy! -Vi
I’m so incredibly honored to participate in this collab. Vi practically paved the way for me to give you all the delicious demon Raven smut that ensues and did a superb job writing the majority of this piece, as always. If you enjoy and feel so inclined, you can leave a kudos HERE on A03. Vi— thank you for allowing me to be a part of your writing process. You’re such a talented writer and I’m happy to have found you :) -AD
She couldn’t stop staring at him. Not just because it had been years since she last saw him, but because ever since she met him, Anna Vandergilt had thought of little else. 
Damian Wayne. 
They’d met at a benefit when both were sixteen years old, and it had been love at first sight. The elusive heir finally returned to Gotham after five years abroad, doing god knows what. She’d collected every bit of information she could about him, academic transcripts, tabloids, medical and legal records. Vandergilt influence ran deep and she had no compunction about using it to fuel her obsession. Securing an internship at Wayne Enterprises as Tim Drake’s assistant was just the latest step.
And now he’s here, and I won’t let him get away again. 
Damian had to remember her, the spark when their eyes met, the unbreakable connection they’d made. He didn’t acknowledge it when they were introduced, but that was fine. He was an intense, secretive man and likely just didn’t want to make a scene. 
Green eyes flashed to hers and narrowed, catching her staring. She willed herself to keep it together, sitting up straighter and crossing her legs in an attempt to draw his attention to the slit in her pencil skirt. Blonde-haired, blue-eyed, and leggy, she knew how to make men stare.
Or so she thought. Damian had turned his attention back to Tim’s presentation, arms crossed and expression impatient. So serious. She planned ways she might be able to get him alone, with no one and nothing to distract him from her. After today, I’ll have more than just fantasies. She’d been looking for an opening to approach him all day and was sure she couldn’t wait much longer.
They broke for lunch, but just as she moved towards him she was intercepted by Tim. 
“Hey Anna, can you run up to my office and grab my blue flash drive? I forgot to bring it down earlier.”
Get it yourself! she wanted to snap. An assistant position was well beneath her pedigree, and she hated taking instructions from common-born Tim Drake. Swallowing her irritation, she smiled and nodded. 
When she finally returned, Damian had already gone, apparently having had a lunch appointment with someone else. Anna sighed. I’ll speak to him after work, I’m sure he wouldn’t say no to dinner and drinks. No man had ever refused her.
She spied him later as she was returning to the conference room, speaking to a dark-haired woman she didn’t know outside of his office. She took a moment to admire him in his suit, noting curiously that the girl with him was only casually dressed in black jeans and an off-shoulder top with a band logo. Unprofessional much? He’s probably scolding her about the dress code.
Just as the thought solidified, she leaned up and pressed a kiss to the underside of Damian’s jaw, tugging his tie playfully as she did so.  
It was as though a bucket of freezing water had been dumped over her head. Anna stood stock-still, mouth falling open in horror. Who the fuck...how dare…?
The woman whispered something in his ear, kissing his jaw again as Damian rolled his eyes and smirked. She continued to stare, waiting for him to shove her away, glare, do something. She heard someone approach from behind. 
“Ugh, those two,” Tim groaned. 
“Who is that?” Her voice was tight and strained, and the man next to her gave her a curious glance. 
“That’s Rachel, Damian’s girlfriend.”
“Oh,” she said, at a loss for anything else. 
It’s not fair. I planned...I’ve been waiting…
She shook her head, determination moving in. A minor setback. He just needs to know there’s something better on the market. Vandergilts were practically royalty, after all. Her beauty and breeding were no doubt superior. She bit back her anger as Damian dropped a kiss on the other woman’s forehead before walking away.
Just a minor setback, she mentally repeated.
-
Tim’s assistant had a serious staring problem, and Damian was relieved when he was finally able to retire to his office. Annoying. The older man had joked earlier that Damian’s constant absence in Gotham and avoidance of the public eye elevated him to mythical status among some of his father’s employees. He longed for this week to end, eager to be back in Jump and away from the Wayne gawkers. 
His phone buzzed, distracting him from the revenue charts in front of him. 
“Stephanie is insane.”
Damian smiled, eyes darting to his watch to see how much longer he’d be stuck in this office. As necessary as it was that he be here for the audit, he felt bad abandoning Raven to his siblings. Next time they came to Gotham he’d make sure it was purely recreational and personally show her the sights.
“A half hour more, then I will come rescue you.”
Then two days more, and they would be home. 
A knock on the door called his attention. “Mr. Wayne? Could I borrow you for a moment. I need a second pair of eyes on this file.”
He looked up, raising an eyebrow at the worshipful expression on her face. The scent of expensive perfume assailed him and Damian fought the urge to wrinkle his nose. She looked at him hopefully, blinking rapidly.
“Ask Drake.”
She shifted, reaching up to toy with her platinum blonde hair. “Oh...he just has so much on his plate. I wanted to avoid bothering him,” she replied, voice high and lilting. 
Strange woman. Damian wondered where his older brother had found this one. He hadn’t really been paying attention when they were introduced, Vander-something or other.
He sighed. “Fine.”
“Oh, thank you,” she breathed.
She circled around the desk to stand next to him, laying the file in front of him and bending low. A fall of blonde hair brushed his shoulder and Damian shifted slightly to put some distance between them. He spent so little time in normal society it was easy to forget how bad most people were with personal space. 
“What exactly did you need help with?”
“This.”
Without warning, she sat on his lap and pressed her lips forcefully against his, throwing one arm around his neck for good measure. Damian completely froze, protests firing rapidly through his mind. She tugged on the waistband of his pants and it was enough to break his paralysis. He shoved her off of him violently and she caught herself on the desk, shifting it several inches back.
“What are you doing?!”
The alarm on her face lasted only a second before being replaced with a coy smile. “Don’t be shy, I know you remember me. It’s been years, but you’re all I’ve thought about, Damian. I swear.”
“I - don’t…” Damian felt uncharacteristically frazzled. “I have - no. I’m not interested,” he finally managed.
“Please, Damian.” She tried to take a step forward and he instinctively backed away. He hated the way she said his name, he realized distantly.
“I have a girlfriend,” he said, hard edge in his voice. One who would kill you and probably me if she was here right now. Raven did not share.
The woman sniffed. “Her. Don’t be ridiculous, you’re a Wayne. She can’t possibly-”
“Enough.”
He glared fiercely, daring her to try and continue. Tears swam in her blue eyes and Damian felt a touch of relief that he finally managed to get through.
“I...hmph, fine. Keep her on the side if you must. My father had a mistress. Just keep her out of my sight.”
She’s insane. What the fuck kind of vetting process do you have, Drake?
He closed his eyes and exhaled before meeting her watery gaze once again. 
“Listen very carefully. I. Am. Not. Interested. I want you out of this building in the next five minutes or I’ll call security.”
“I - but - we…” She straightened, eyes glassy with disbelief as she tried to compose herself. “I see.”
Damian kept his glare on as she left the room, feeling a headache build behind his eyes. He grabbed his phone again, feeling a pang of guilt when he saw Raven's name, and called his brother.
"I fired your assistant. You're welcome."
"What? Damian, you can't just show up and start firing people!"
"I'll...explain later." Vaguely, and with as few details as I can manage.
The hint of discomfort in his voice must have given him away. "Seriously? No wonder she was staring at you all day.”
"Drop it."
"Alright, alright. Her dad's going to be pissed though, he pushed Bruce for months to take her on here. Sounds like you got your very first stalker."
Well that was a disturbing thought. Damian shook it off. "Just tell him it didn't work out." He didn't want any rumors getting back to Raven if he could help it. 
-
Lying to an empath is easier said than done.
“There’s something you’re not telling me.”
"I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She snorted disbelievingly, eyes glued on the book in her hand. “Why do you feel so guilty?”
“It was a long day. I felt bad for you.” Half-truths were the only semi-effective way he’d found of getting around her lie detector. Normally Damian would smother inconvenient questions with lips, hands, and other parts of him that Raven was always deliciously responsive to, but touching her would have felt wrong right now. She deserved to know the truth before she decided how near she wanted him.
She rolled onto her side then, burrowing down against her pillow and studying him curiously. “You don’t have to spend every second with me, Damian. I’m pretty self-sufficient, in case you haven’t noticed.”
He shrugged, laying back and closing his eyes. “I’ll just be glad to get out of here. People in Gotham are a different breed.”
Raven hummed. “Fine, don’t tell me what’s actually bothering you.” 
With that, she leaned over to kiss him goodnight. Damian flinched at the contact before responding in kind, and pretended he didn’t see the confused look in her eyes. 
“I love you,” he said, focusing the emotion to make sure she felt it as well. 
She closed her eyes, slightly mollified. “I love you, too.”
I'll tell her when we get home, he promised himself. As much as he hated keeping secrets, he knew she was going to be upset and preferred a controlled setting. Damian remembered an incident shortly after they began dating when the ticket-taker at the theater had slipped him her phone number. Raven said nothing at first, but the night ended in a supply closet instead of a screening room.
"I don't share," she whispered dangerously, legs tightening around his hips to draw him in deeper. Red flickered across her purple irises. “You’re mine.”
He smirked at the memory. We never did get to see that movie.
Definitely safer for all involved to wait until they'd left Gotham.
-
Anna stared at her discreetly from the park bench. He’s loyal, that’s all. And I wouldn’t have him any other way.
She grudgingly admitted to herself that the other woman was pretty, if unconventional. Pale purple eyes and dark purple hair - hadn’t anyone told her the punk rock look was out of date? She had nothing on the blonde’s classical beauty.
A hefty bribe to the Wayne's chauffeur had given her knowledge of the woman's - Rachel's - movements throughout the day. She was ordinarily accompanied by Tim's banshee of a girlfriend and one of Bruce's orphans, but had separated from them earlier in the day to visit Gotham’s Arts District. Anna waited until she saw her enter the nearly empty arboretum before making her move. If Damian couldn’t be persuaded to break things off, this one could. An affair with the office hottie - tale as old as time.
“Pardon me?” She adopted a nervous affect as she approached, eyes downcast. “You’re Rachel, right?”
The other woman tore her gaze from the plaque in front of her, violet eyes locking on baby blue. “Do I know you?”
“Anna. I work - worked at Wayne Enterprises. I’m really sorry to do this, but...there’s something you need to know.”
She regarded her silently and the blonde fought the urge to fidget. There's something off about her. What were you thinking, Damian? Finally, Rachel nodded once, crossing her arms. Anna smiled internally and fiddled anxiously with her hands, doing her best to look miserable.
“I was Tim’s assistant until Damian fired me yesterday,” she began, voice weepy. “Tim’s the one who told me about you, I swear I didn’t know before.”
Rachel’s eyes narrowed, something dark and inscrutable flashing in and out of her gaze. “...Excuse me?”
Anna took the low anger in her voice as an encouraging sign and continued. She dropped her eyes again and let out a harsh sob. “I’m not the kind of person who fools around with other women’s boyfriends, and-"
A massive burst of black and red interrupted her thoughtfully planned speech, demolishing the stone plaque next to them and knocking her to the ground. She screamed, covering her head  with her arms. A bomb? What’s happening?
Before she could get her bearings, something hauled her up by the throat, slamming her painfully against a tree. She blinked against the white spots in her vision and the dust in the air, squinting to see what held her. 
Four slitted golden eyes met her own, radiating fury so thick she could almost taste it. I’m seeing things. I hit my head and I’m seeing things. The devil tightened its hold on her neck and stepped closer, heat pouring off its red skin. Terrified beyond anything she’d ever felt, Anna felt her bladder let go. 
“Did you fuck Damian?” it - she - asked in a deadly calm voice.
“Wh-what?” she croaked. No way...what the fuck is she?!
“Answer, mortal.”
She sobbed in her grasp, all her carefully crafted lies flying away in the wake of her terror. “No! I just kissed him!”
The claws (claws?!) around her neck tightened and she felt warm trickles of blood start to seep down into her collar. 
“That - that’s all! That’s all I did! I’m sorry!” she cried, “I’m so sorry! It won’t happen again!”
“I know.”
Shadows wrapped around the two of them and she screamed.
-
Stupid, stupid woman, Damian thought furiously, raising his eyes from the weeping figure on the floor. He’d put it together fairly quickly after walking in the door, and was currently kicking himself for not considering this possibility. She’s clearly deranged, I shouldn’t be surprised she approached Raven.
The woman in question sat in a nearby armchair, looking every bit the queen of hell she was. Her demonic appearance and the regal way she carried herself in this form lent their mundane bedroom at Wayne Manor the feel of some macabre court.
“Something to confess?” his demoness asked lowly. 
“I was going to tell you when we returned home. This is the exact situation I was trying to avoid.” Sparks of black and red magic at her fingertips told him that was the wrong thing to say. 
“You think a couple hundred miles would have saved her from me when I found out? I would cross entire universes.”
The woman before her seemed to curl in further on herself, as if trying to become a smaller target. Prayers fell from her lips, whispered and unintelligible.
 “She’s not worth it. I would have made you see that.”
“That’s not your decision to make. You are mine, this was a challenge to me. A proper demon would have brought just the head.”
A loud wail met her words and golden eyes flicked downwards, oozing contempt. Damian felt a thrill race down his spine. He'd never seen her this angry - possessive. The idea that he was the catalyst, that his composed, serene Raven was burning so brightly over a stolen kiss made his blood tingle. 
Apparently feeling the weight of the demon’s stare, she covered her head with her hands and tried to choke back her cries. A prey-like instinct to hide taking root. 
He swallowed before speaking, mindful of the thin ice he was on. “I know you’re upset, but you can’t kill her.”
An amused sound escaped her, and Damian wasn’t entirely sure how to interpret it. “Beloved?”
She finally met his eyes again, clearly unhappy with the situation. “Fine. But if I ever see or sense this creature near you again, I will tear her apart slowly. Testor ego eam.”
With that, she waved a hand and the other woman vanished in a rush of black. He didn’t bother to ask where, not wanting to push his luck with Raven right now. Hysterical as the other woman was, no one would believe anything she had to say anyways. 
The demoness crossed her arms, studying him silently. She seemed to have no intention of changing back to her human form. Oh. 
“I suppose I’m in trouble as well?”
“Lies deserve punishment. And you need to be reminded who you belong to.”
“You, habibti. Always.”
Her smile offered nothing but trouble and his heart started to pick up. "That’s a start."
“Oh?” he asked her, not moving from the spot where he stood. It seemed that court was still in session, and her final judgement on his own transgressions had not yet passed. 
She picked at a claw unhurriedly, hooded eyes flicking over his figure. Not one to back down, he met her appraising stare inch for inch.
“Did you know that demons mate for life?” she asked without warning. 
“No, beloved,” he breathed. The information was new but it hardly mattered. He had already decided that he was going to spend the rest of his life with her long before they ended up together. He just wondered why she felt it necessary to mention now. 
“It’s a sacred bond. Actually sacred, unlike human marriages. Challenging it is the worst insult one demon can deal to another.” Her eyes narrowed, and her claws seemed to sharpen before his eyes.
“She wasn’t a-”
“No one will threaten our bond. Do you understand, mate?”
Dear gods. 
He resisted the urge to lick his lips, instead pressing them firmly together. “You should know that you will never be at risk of losing me, beloved.” 
“I know. I also know you will never lie to me again.” The demoness waved a clawed hand before resting it underneath her chin. She was waiting for him. He swallowed again.
“What can I do to make amends?” 
Her grin widened, boarding on malevolent, as if she finally found the answer she was looking for. Lifting effortlessly from her chair, she began to stride across the room to him with measured steps. 
“I have a few ideas.” She purred. 
“Oh?” he asked again, displeased at how out of breath he sounded. 
Golden eyes held his own, and she didn’t speak again until she was just an arm's length away from him. 
Then she pointed at her feet. “Kneel.” 
He felt his jaw go slack. She wants me to do what? 
She cocked her head at his hesitation. “You will not kneel for your demoness?” She clicked her tongue in distaste. “Don’t you want to remedy your indiscretions?”
He set his jaw, barely suppressing a wince.  When she put it that way, there was no reason not to kneel before her, even if the thought of doing so went against every instinct in his body. He did, after all, lie to her, and if this was what she wanted from him then who was he to deny her?
Besides, there would be an opportunity for her to return the favor. I’ll make sure of it. 
Revealing nothing, he stared at her impassively and slowly dropped to one knee, biting back a scowl as her smirk grew. 
Then, he watched as a slender leg poked out from the slit of the dress she was wearing, and a strappy, black heel. He gave her a simmering look, then took it in his hands without a word, and pressed a kiss to her ankle, trailing up the side of her calf. 
“That’s very nice, mate.” She murmured, resting a clawed hand onto this shoulder. “What else are you willing to do for me?” 
A light smirk replaced his features. She was asking him to seduce her. To fuck her. That was something he would be more than willing to oblige. 
He promptly stood to his feet and grabbed her wrist, pulling him into his chest. To his amused delight, she went pliant in his arms— nearly purring as he captured her lips with his. He kissed her thoroughly, drowning out the memory of the other gods-awful kiss that’d been forced upon him. 
Then a clawed hand traveled his cheek lightly, moving its way to the back of his head. She suddenly grabbed a fistful of his hair and tugged downwards, tearing his lips from hers. He hissed when sharpened teeth latched themselves on his neck, nipping at the exposed flesh there before soothing it with her tongue. 
Then she began to walk forward, forcing him to step with her— until the back of his knees touched the mattress of their bed. 
“Meus es tu.” She said lowly, and she pushed at his chest, sending him backwards.
It turned into a battle for assertion. One that he admitted he thoroughly enjoyed— and intended on winning. 
He took her with him, grabbing her waist to position her underneath. His smile was smug when he peered down into four golden slits, obviously dissatisfied at the turn of events. 
Ignoring her bared teeth, he nudged open her legs with one knee before settling between them, then rolled against her in one swift movement, taking pleasure in the way she threw her head back with a growl. 
He continued his ministrations, trailing hot kisses down her neck, just as she did to his moments before. One hand reached up to graze her breast as his kisses went farther down the middle of her chest, while his other hand roamed over the swell of her hips. 
Raven in turn, was growing more frustrated with every second he kept her distracted with his teasing, light touches. 
“Enough.” It was a command.
By the time he managed to blink he found himself on his back and she was straddling his waist. 
Her hands encased with her dark magic. “Alliges duplicia.”
His arms lit up with her magic and they were forced above his head. When he tried to bring them back down he was met with resistance. What the hell? When he looked up his eyes widened with realization. She bound my fucking hands to the headboard. 
“Raven.” He snarled in warning, tugging on his bonds. The demoness was unperturbed by his outburst. 
“You will submit to me, mate.” A dangerous red swirled in those golden irises, and he clenched his jaw in response, then bit back a groan when she brushed against his length. 
“Let me go.” He glared. 
“I will not. This is your punishment. You will stay like this until you beg for me.”
“Tch.” 
He detested how painfully hard he was. His erection strained against his trousers, and he couldn’t contain his next groan when she palmed him. 
It didn’t matter how much he wished she’d slip her hand underneath his belt. He would not beg. 
She began to strip slowly, until she was completely bare before him, and then she peeled off his pants carefully— and then his shirt. His full erection was on display for her, and he released a strangled noise in the back of his throat when she settled her heated core against him.
She chuckled darkly when he twitched underneath her. “Say please.” 
“No.” he gritted out, breath hitching when her mouth latched onto one of his nipples, nipping roughly. Her tongue flicked it right after, mixing the pain she had caused with pleasure. 
“No?” Her claws wrapped around his throat, squeezing in warning. “You are in no position to deny me, mate.” 
He just glowered.
“Fine.” She relented, retracting her claws. “You will break eventually.” 
Her fingers lifted to her full breasts, reddened from her true form, and her fingers began to tease one darkened nipple into a tight peak. The bonds went taut when he pulled at them roughly in an attempt to reach out to her. She noticed this and smirked as she teased her other nipple, then rocked against him. They groaned together.
He watched as she then slipped one hand down to her core and began to tease herself, parting her folds before slipping a finger inside while grazing against his cock. 
She moaned, mouth parting slightly and he growled again in protest. That should be his fingers inside of her. 
“If you insist on not obeying me, then I will use you for my own pleasure.” She sunk down onto his cock and his head hit the wall with his groan. Fuck, she felt so damned good and the pace she was setting set him on a steady course towards an impending orgasm, regardless of how much he despised not being in control. 
“Beloved.” He growled when she brought him to the brink all too soon, then slowed back down while teasing her clit with her own fingers. Quick, circling motions that revealed her own need to him— that she was nearing her own orgasm. 
He caught her hitched breath. She was losing resolve, caught in her own wave of pleasure. 
“Release me.” He tugged on his bonds again and bucked his hips into her for good measure. “I want to be the one to fuck you when you come.” 
She gasped and clenched around him, drawing him even deeper. “I will come soon. If you want to fuck me, you must beg now.” 
He cursed. Goddamn her. 
“Please, habibti. I am yours.” 
With a victorious smirk, she waved a hand. That smirk was short-lived however, because as soon as the bonds disappeared he lunged for his little demoness, twisting them both before pulling out of her to roll her onto her stomach. 
“You are mine too, Beloved. I will also make sure of that,” he snarled into her ear, teasing his cock at her entrance. His hands held her pressed against the bed. 
The demoness laughed, then inhaled sharply when he pushed into her with one swift movement. They were both right at the edge, only a few more thrusts was all it would take to throw them both over.
“I can feel how close you are,” He reached a hand underneath her to press his thumb directly against her clit, “Come with me, now.” 
She cried out— a sound that was more animalistic than human, and she fluttered around him. He fell shortly after, nearly seeing stars. He continued to thrust languidly, drawing out their orgasms. Vaguely, he watched as Raven’s skin turned from red to flushed ivory. One pair of eyes turned to peer up at him instead of two, and the color of her irises receded to lavender. 
For a moment he watched her transform, breathless. 
She smiled up at him as her breathing returned to normal and he returned it before dropping his face to her neck. “I’m going to have to make you jealous more often,” Damian murmured into her skin. 
Raven snorted, lifting a hand to run through his sweat-soaked hair. “Unwise. Not only will I definitely kill the next one, it will hurt the entire time she is dying.”
“Green is a good color on you, habibti.”
She said nothing, but he could feel her contentment in the gentle run of her fingers across his hair and skin. As post-orgasmic clarity continued to take hold a question popped into his mind and he leaned up to regard her.
“When were you planning on telling me we were essentially demon-married?”
She flushed. “Eventually. Are you...did you not want…?”
He silenced her with a kiss, letting his actions and strength of his emotions answer her question. As though he could ever give this up, or stomach the idea of either of them being with someone else. 
After all, Damian didn’t share either.
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fruitless-nonsense · 3 years
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Okay, so I didn’t actually think anyone would care what I had to say. I just saw a post that riled me up and I wrote that to let off some steam. That being said, to everyone who liked my post or just read it thank you from the bottom of my heart. Seriously it means so much to me that there are people who notice what I have to say. That being said, I want to do more of these cause I have a lot of opinions that aren’t widespread, and I’d like to start with a post gushing about a certain character that receives too much hate. However, seeing as this isn’t a rant out of agitation this might take a bit longer to get out. With that long introduction out of the way... Cami O’Connell!
As I said, Cami is my favorite female character in the whole of the tvdverse (Bonnie is a close second). The reason why I want to start with her instead of Bonnie or my favorite character (Marcel) is because while both were royally screwed with by the writers, there are plenty of fans online who sing their praises (as they deserve). However, when it comes to Cami the consensus online is either hatred or indifference by a vast majority of the fans (that being said there are still a good amount of people who do love her I’m not saying there aren’t, but they are in the minority). This is something I never quite understood, but I’m gonna try my best educated guess on it.
I suppose before I go any further, I have a confession to make. The way I watched both tvd and to was not a straight line. Several years ago, I decided to finally watch tvd and started with the first two season (which I really liked), then a youtuber dropped a video analyzing the pilot for to and the premise hooked me immediately so I started the first season and kept watching until finishing the third, then I decided to go back and watch tvd seasons three and four, then got bored so I switched back to finish to, and finally after a few months declared I wanted to finish what I started and slogged through the second half of tvd. Why is this relevant? Well I just wanted to inform y’all as this might’ve led to my different perspectives on many things in both shows, and it hopefully can somewhat explain my reasoning
Going back to Cami, why is she my favorite female? A multitude of reasons. Firstly, I love how different she is from other female characters we’ve seen. Characters like Elena, Bonnie, and Caroline are fun in their own right, with bubbly personalities and childish innocence. This makes sense because they’re teenagers! Even Elena’s angst comes off more like young naivety than a wayward soul. I’m not knocking this characterization, it makes sense that a show aimed at teenagers would have teenage girls as it’s main cast. Where am I going with this? Cami might be the most mature character we’ve seen in this universe that actually has a pretty big part in the cast. What I mean is that shows like this paint maturity on women as being motherly or a stick in the mud, but Cami is neither. She’s still fun and loose, but with an aura of restraint and intelligence that needs to be accumulated over time. She’s not even that old! My guesstimation puts her at 23 cause we know she’s graduated college with a degree in psychology and was already working at Rousseau’s in the pilot (you mean to tell me you don’t just get your dream job right out of college, you have to work some dead end jobs first? YA lied to me!). I don’t know how quite to describe it beyond that, Cami just feels like a real person to me, and that makes me invested in her life even more.
Secondly, is her personality beyond her intelligence. I love how empathetic and kind she is! In the span of three seasons, she had helped almost everyone in the show while never sticking her feet into the main drama. That’s another thing, she knows when something’s over her head and will step out when she can, when something is pushing her, she fights back. I love that despite how kind hearted she is, she’s not a pushover. If there’s something she doesn’t like, she will attest. She may be nice, but get on her bad side and her sass will cut you like a knife. Considering she’s only a human against these witches, vampires, and originals you would call this unrealistic, but it works because unlike most people on the show, she’s smart. I know I just said beyond her intelligence, but I just want to gush about how fun it is watching Cami get out of trouble on her own by using nothing but her brain (I just think it’s neat). Characters this complex are not usually reserved for women on the cw, which leads into my final reason.
I love how much agency Cami has throughout her run on the show! Like, her story isn’t stapled to Klaus, she does so much without him even being there. In tvd, I can’t think of a single storyline Elena had that wasn’t tied to one or both of the Salvatore brothers, Bonnie is constantly being abused by the writers, Caroline is forcibly impregnated, Hayley starts off with her own goals before being tied to Jackson and later Elijah, Davina also starts off with her own ambitions before also being shackled to her love interest to resurrecting Kol being her only storyline in season three. I’m sure there are more, but these are just ones off the top of my head. While this makes me wish she had her own storyline, I acknowledge she is a supporting character (which begs the question of why none of the women in the main cast get this luxury but I digress).
This has been very long, and we’re just getting to complaints. Unlike complaints about the ship, I have yet to find an argument about why Cami sucks that isn’t factually incorrect, so if you have one please share. The first complaint I hear is that Cami is a copy of Caroline (I’ll give y’all that have seen the show a second to stop laughing at the statement). I’ve already explained why Caroline and Cami are two very different characters (hint: one is bubble and energetic and one is calm and mature), I know they’re both blonde, nice, empathetic, and have names that start with c, but try paying attention to what you’re watching then maybe you’ll have a better grasp on it. Secondly is that Cami’s only purpose is being Klaus’ love interest. Like I stated, there’s a lot Cami does where Klaus isn’t even present, unless you’re saying everyone Cami has had a story with was a love interest (So Davina, Josh, Hayley, Elijah, Marcel cerca season two onward, Vincent, Lucien, that detective guy, and her uncle Kieran), in that case I think y’all are onto something with Cami being a Mary Sue cause she getting all the action (note the sarcasm)! That’s another thing, people say Cami’s a Mary Sue cause almost everyone loves her and she has basically no flaws. First of all, I don’t believe Mary Sue to be a character problem but a story problem, and above all an excuse to neuter powerful women lest they make fragile men uncomfortable. Second of all, we see Cami form these relationships in real time through her actions not by her existence. Third of all (not that she needs them to be a good character since other favs don’t), Cami has her stubbornness that eventually got her killed and the fact that strength wise she is the weakest character in the show by her being human.
Are you catching on to some of what I’m saying? Most of these complaints aren’t even true, yet it’s all we hear. My first inclination was to blame this hatred on klaroline shippers who were bitter that their ship could no longer sail, but then I saw posts of people who claimed not to ship them and still hated Cami because she was “just a love interest.” Which leads into the other problem with haters: the hypocrisy. Reasons people hate Cami are elements in other characters that these same people love. Never mind the fact that some of these complaints don’t even apply to her like the love interest thing. To use something that isn’t a lie, people will hate on Cami for sleeping with Marcel in season one when Marcel is Klaus’ son, meanwhile y’all seem to forget Elena not only dated but cheated on Stefan with Damon in the finale of tvd season two (spoiler: she kissed him on his deathbed while her boyfriend and his brother was searching for a way to save him, which doesn’t even go into all their kisses in season three) and furthermore shipping Marcel with Rebekah who would be his aunt (I know some people who ship them acknowledge this but damn). I also know these people jumped at the chance to attack Cami for stealing the white oak stake in season three and ignoring what she was going through meanwhile will wave past everything Elena, Damon, and Caroline did when they had their humanity turned off as “they were going through a lot” (disclaimer: no hate to either of those girls, they were understandably in much pain, just wanna expose the hypocrisy). This all made me reevaluate the reasoning as more than just shippers being bitter, this seemed much more malicious to just be that.
After a lot of thought, my only conclusion I can come to is sexism. Cami is a very different female character than what we’re used to, she’s strong willed, opinionated, smarter than the men, and more mature. I guess fans weren’t ready for a character like that so assumed it was bad or just wrote her off as too different, but that’s giving the benefit of the doubt. To be honest, I still don’t know why she was so hated and continues to be ignored by fans, but maybe it’s time we start asking that question. It’s time we appreciate characters like this so maybe we can have more of them on the cw. It’s time to give Camille O’Connell and Leah Pipes the respect they deserve!
(P.S - Can someone far more talented than me please put out some Cami x reader content? I’m starved of my girl and Leah is too pretty for my gay brain to function!)
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notnctu · 3 years
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under the mistletoe | l.ty
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lee taeyong x fem!reader genre - fluff, barely humor idk, very little bit of angst details - enemies to lovers!au, childhood friends that have been apart, high school!au warnings - explicit language, one mention of death, there’s a kiss scene lol word count - 2.7k  synopsis - the holiday season brings a change of heart this year. you see your old friend, now enemy, Lee Taeyong at Mark’s Christmas gathering and through snowman shaped cookies, you two re-kindle your old friendship. 
a/n - this is for @neoculturechristmas​ ‘s secret santa collab! this piece is dedicated to @soliverse​ :) hello lovie!! i’m your secret santa!! i hope you like it and im sorry that it’s not funny LOL thank you for letting me participate in such a fun holiday collab! im so happy to be able to write a fic for another writer:)
Through the heavily crowded Christmas party, through the people that dare walk in your way, you still see him in the midst of the chaos. Lee Taeyong stands only a few feet from you, in a ridiculous Christmas sweater and messy frosty hair. The universe is absolutely obsessed with placing you two in uncomfortable situations, as if the fuming feud between you two is not enough.
His absentminded actions cause him to foolishly knock over someone’s drink, what a fucking clutz. Rolling your eyes, you wander off in search of your good friend to announce your departure for the night.
“Already? Y/N, you got here like, five minutes ago.” Mark mixes the glass bowl that is filled to the brim with red sugary punch. Any forceful spin will have it spilling from the rim, and that won’t be the only mishap of the night that you witness. “What’s the rush? It’s Christmas Eve!” 
And before you can utter the blacklisted name to explain your sudden change of heart, the culprit walks in with his stunned puppy eyes that grow sharp and a frown at your appearance. There is a small spark in the shared eye contact until it completely drops and he returns to ignoring your presence. 
“Mark, where are your napkins? I spilled something in your living room.” It had to be a whole year since you’ve last heard his voice and you still remember his low cadence whenever he was trying to be cool. Cool and mysterious Taeyong, and how he lives up so perfectly to his title. However, there was a moment in time that you knew him for more than that. He was warm and comforting Taeyong. 
While he tried so hard to be winter on the outside, spring bloomed blossoms on the inside and a bright sunshine radiated enough for you to witness its glow. You wished to stay with his spring for as long as you possibly could, but like the changing seasons, Taeyong eventually changed with it.
“It’s in the upper cabinet.” Mark does not realize the initial situation in the room, merrily going back to his large bowl of delicious liquid. It takes one big sigh from you for your friend to finally realize the elephant in the room and the unknowingly stiff tension in the kitchen. Mark’s eyes grow a bit bigger and as subtle as he tried to be, he clears his throat, “I think Christmas is all about joining together and being in each other’s company. Stay, Y/N.”
Mark did not choose his words wisely as Taeyong peeks over his shoulder, catching the last words of his sentence. “You’re leaving already, Y/N?” That is the first time he’s acknowledged you in the past few years.
There is an internal battle of whether or not you should acknowledge him back. Crossing your arms, you grumble something underneath your breath. “Why do you care?” 
“I don’t.” Taeyong says sternly, making sure he asserts his nonchalant attitude. “Just sucks that Mark threw such a happy Christmas party for his good friend to leave.” He slings an arm around Mark’s shoulders, snuggling his face into the side of Mark’s chocolate colored hair.
And Mark dares to show a small smile of affection back. “Sorry that Y/N is always walking out on things. She does that quite often.” Before you can give him a piece of your mind, Mark shoves a snowman shaped biscuit in your mouth. 
Taeyong gets away laughing, feeling an overwhelming sense of pride as he walks to clean up his other mess. You groan, biting the head of the snowman off and glaring at Mark. “Why did you let him get away with saying that to me? And when did you become friends with him again? And why are your cookies so hard?” 
“Taeyong lost a friend, like a month ago. Just be a bit empathetic, please.” Mark wipes his hands on his apron and continues kneading at a random ball of dough. If it’s one thing that Mark always does too well is overachieving at his holiday gatherings. There is a reason why he’s head of the Prom Committee and student officer for event planning at your high school.
Washing your hands, the cold water bites at your skin. It’s been a really cold winter this year. When you dry your hands off, you scoot Mark over to make room for yourself to help with his endless amount of holiday treats.
“We’ve all lost friends, Mark. Sometimes people don’t work out with others and that’s just how it goes.” There is an underlying bitterness that does not seem to fade when you speak. 
“Speaking from experience, maybe?” Mark chuckles, but dismisses the brief second of giggles to a more serious and low tone. “Not that kind of lost, Y/N. He lost a friend forever, like this person is in a forever sleep.” 
The moment the words hit the air, a chilly draft sweeps at your ankles and you freeze in your place. And as you stand with dry flour on your hands and a person you thought you’d never become warm to again stands in the next room over, your heart softens at the information and immediate guilt preoccupies your system. 
“Oh… well you should have started with that, then.” You slightly graze a finger across your nose at the faint tickle. Your mind is running at high speed, merely wondering about all the pain that Taeyong possibly felt this past month and remembering how it’s difficult for him to process his feelings. 
“He actually wasn’t going to come tonight, until I mentioned you were coming.” Mark unloads a batch of fresh cookies from the oven and replaces it with another tray. The aromatics take you back to Christmas many years ago and the memory of Taeyong getting frosting everywhere you could remember. It took weeks to get the red and green stains out of the carpet, but the laughter made up for every clumsy mistake. 
Not completely sure where the melancholic spirit erupted from, you rinse your hands and grab two cookies off the still hot tray without another response. Hurrying off, Mark yells out, “Wait-- those aren’t decorated yet!” but you choose to ignore his pleas.
Why is it harder to find him in a crowd when you are actually looking for him? Perhaps the saying, the best things in life come when you’re not looking for them, holds some truth to it. But your feet take you directly to him; he sits at the leather couch with the burning embers from the fireplace reflecting in his eyes. 
Your abrupt appearance startles him a bit, but his face falls sullen when he sees that it’s you. Shoulders touching, you’ve missed the intimacy you two use to share. The blank snowman shaped cookie feels warm in your hand as you thrust it into Taeyong’s face. “For you.” 
Taeyong scoffs, pushing your hand away lightly and looking away from the pitiful undecorated treat. “This feels like a trap.”
“No trap. Just a truce. Remember the time when I got upset at you for forgetting me in the parking lot and I told you the only way to fix it was to buy me food?” Your hand begins to drop, but Taeyong catches your wrist and takes the cookie from your possession. He gently places your hand back onto your lap.
“I know no other love language.” You explain the reasoning behind the old memory. 
“Pretty sure food isn’t a love language.” Taeyong chuckles, like Christmas carols to your ears, he sounds like home. 
“It’s not, but they all require me to be too emotionally vulnerable and you know how that makes me feel…” Your voice unintentionally trails off the end of your sentence. Does he still know how you feel? 
Taeyong’s eyebrow raises subtly, catching your implication. “You’re still the same person you were three years ago?”
Three years, has it really been that long? You nod without needing to ponder the thought. There is a stark difference between change and growth. You are who you’ve always been, that is never going to change, but you’ve grown to be stronger and a little more independent.
“That’s not surprising.” Taeyong bites at his cookie, turning the figure in his hands as he stares off to reminisce about the past. He thinks about his pain. He thinks about his own self growth. “I’ve been thinking about you recently.” 
The bold comment causes your chest to burn and your throat to grow a bit dry. Taeyong finally looks up at you, eyes dropping between your own and your lips. He doesn’t shy away from staring, taking in how much you’ve changed appearance wise since you two used to be friends. His eyelashes dance against his skin every time he blinked and the white strands of his hair fall around his crown like snowflakes. 
“Why?” 
“I learned how important it is to have friends around you. You never know when you’ll never see them again. The falling out we had should not have ruined the friendship we built for so long.” It’s difficult for Taeyong to continue with his feelings. It’s not a secret that he’s liked you since you two were close, probably half of the room is well aware of it. But there has never been a moment where he was out right too vulnerable to you, he was and is afraid of showing his feelings. 
It’s an immediate body reaction when Taeyong leans in to you and you defensively back away. The confusion shows on your face very blatantly and his dreamy laugh rattles your bones. Taeyong’s hand softly caresses your cheek as his thumb brushes the tip of your nose. “You have some flour on your face.” This skin to skin leaves you speechless as his hot hand holds your cheek so delicately, making your heart race rapidly.
“Your Christmas sweater is ugly.” That’s all you can utter, out of pure panic too. Your eyes dip away and he retracts away from you, elbows on his knees as he leans forward and ducking momentarily to examine his choice of festive clothing. 
He laughs, “it’s called an ugly Christmas sweater for a reason. It’s better than wearing a lame red sweater and calling it festive.” It’s surreal how quick things settle back into being the way that it used to be. As if the last three years of silence and constantly pretending the other didn’t exist disappeared. Taeyong is back, he’s yours again. And you hope that he’ll be by your side for longer than you had let him go.
“Red is not my color, I agree, but green is definitely not yours.” You joke back and Taeyong ruffles your hair, just like old times. The holiday spirit practically wraps its arms around you two. The holidays are really about being in each other’s warmth. In this very cold winter, you’re happy to have found an old flame that kept you from frostbite for many years. 
“Y/N, we’re putting up the mistletoe.” An acquaintance interrupts you and Taeyong, quickly grabbing your arm to follow her. Your eyes dart between her and Taeyong. One thing you know no doubt about is that you aren’t leaving Taeyong alone again, so you take his hand without another second thought and drag him along with you.
You’re all ushered into the foyer and Mark is on a step ladder under the frame of his door. He notes Taeyong by your side and discreetly smiles to himself. He securely pins it to the wall and claps his hands together to gather everyone’s attention. “We’re going to blindfold two people and they’re going to have to kiss underneath the mistletoe.” 
Your hands grow sweaty at the thought of such a risky game and immediately, you two let go of each other’s hands without realizing the clutching feeling of each other’s anxiousness. “I don’t think I’ll be chosen.” Taeyong mumbles to you as Mark and a few other people unravel the blindfolds. Nevertheless, he doesn’t sound very confident and you notice Taeyong’s shifty eyes. 
“Right. Me either.” You shrug off, trying to hide slightly behind Taeyong’s stature. However, Taeyong instantly catches the uncertainty in your voice as well. 
“Aren’t there four couples in the room?” Taeyong whispers over his shoulder at you.
Crossing your arms, you roll your eyes at his obvious thinking. “Yeah, but Mark isn’t going to choose a couple to kiss. How boring.” 
Taeyong chuckles out of disbelief at your comment. “I’ll volunteer you if you want to really spice things up.” 
And your eyes grow wide at his mischievous suggestion, pinching at his arm lightly. Underneath the fleece, Taeyong feels sturdy and strong. It’s only another reminder that you two aren’t kids anymore. “Lee Taeyong, do not. I don’t want to kiss anyone in this room.” That might’ve been a lie, even if you didn’t want to admit it to yourself that you are just a little curious how Taeyong might have matured. 
“Everyone close your eyes.” Mark excitedly smiles and everyone obliges. You gulp the pooled saliva in your mouth, trying to manifest every possible hope that you aren’t chosen in this room of twenty people. Mark wouldn’t screw you over like that, would he? The more you pondered that thought, the more you believe that he totally would.
Then, you feel a hand on your arm and you’re being guided somewhere. A cloth covers your eyes and you’re quick to snarl, “Mark Lee, this is your only Christmas present. You get no more favors from me.” your cadence is only loud enough for him to hear and though you’re robbed of your sight, Mark’s boyish laughter says enough about his enlightened facial expression.
“This is what you get for trying to leave five minutes into my extravagant party I tried so hard to put on.” Mark sarcastically comments and pats your shoulders for a last indication of reassurance.
You hear footsteps in front of you and an uncanny presence of another in your close proximity. “Okay, everyone can open their eyes.” Mark cheers and it’s not like you can see much through the dark cloth that covers your eyes, but yours open anyways.
Gasps fill the room, slight hollering and cheering. The reactions cause an unsettling stir in your lower stomach. “Kiss!” and before you know it, the unknown person searches for your face and cups it gingerly. The feeling being very familiar to a scene before.
The both of you lean in and it’s difficult with the lack of sight, but people kiss with their eyes closed right? It’s not your first kiss, but also the sense deprivation is something different. When you tilt your head and go in for it, your noses bump together clumsily. You’re slightly embarrassed, your heart is leaping out of your chest from the sudden display of affection and you’re strangling Mark in your imagination.
“I’m sorry.” You whisper, but there isn’t a response back. Instead, your partner dives in without any trace of struggle. Their lips glide perfectly with yours and it’s almost like you’re kissing snow. Any form of awkwardness melts away; their hand on your cheek feels natural and comforting. Your heart yearns for this sense of security as the same warmth from the fireplace embodies your chest. 
When you two pull away, the room bursts into a loud chaos of cheers. Before you can take off your blindfold, you can feel everyone running toward the both of you to give you excited pats on your head and arm. 
“I can’t believe that just happened!” Your friend’s voice can be heard in your ear. As you lift off the cloth, you see him in the midst of the chaos. Through the heavy dog pile of overly joyous people, Lee Taeyong stands a few feet from you in his ugly Christmas sweater, messy frosty hair and a pink hue across his pale cheeks. 
He looks over at you and shyly smiles. “Hopefully that spiced things enough for you. Happy Holidays, Y/N.” He can barely process everyone else's excitement, but he feels joyous for once. After a long cold bitter winter, he feels warm. 
“Happy Holidays, you big goof. Good to have you back.” You push at his arm, laughing happily at the ridiculously wide smile he has on his face. You’re glad to see Taeyong smile again. 
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Stay With Me (Pt. 05 of 09)
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Pairing: Daryl Dixon X Reader
Word count: 3 K
Summary: Daryl found you surrounded by the dead, stuck in the backseat of a car. You were wishing for death to take you away for quite a while now, but, as you slid back and forth into consciousness, there was only one thing keeping you alive. Him, the man with blue, worried eyes and kind voice. Your beaten up body was ready to give up, too wounded and broken to keep going. But this man, who went out of his way to save your life is the only thing in the world holding you up. And, because of him, you feel something you haven't felt in a very long time: hope. Wherever he's taking you, you want to get there, and not only to be buried. For what it feels like the very first time, you want to live. He takes you back to Alexandria, but even there, the nightmares and the terror from all the torture and pain you've been through keeps creeping closer, and Daryl, your hero, is the only one who can keep that all away.
Warnings: Mentions and description (not graphic) of past abuse; post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD); some violence at the end of the story (a little bit graphic, but not so much); blood.
<- Previous part (04)
Next part (06) ->
{The Walking Dead Masterlist}
I want to thank my awesome friend @jodiereedus22 , who helped me (and still does) a lot to get this story done. She's also a writer and she's amazing so please go check her work!!
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Touch
You're right back into the dark spot you were. If it wasn't for Carol, you'd be in bed all day, completely lost. She keeps you moving. She helps you shower, chattering even though you don't answer. She helps you get downstairs, allowing you to do something for lunch or dinner. Carol's patience is unbelievable. You wonder when she'll get tired of you too. When she'll leave, with rude words and no further explanation.
Being here without Daryl is weird. Unusual. You didn't know the exact place he occupied in your heart, but now it's pretty clear. But you don't know how it happened. You thought this constant necessity of being with him came from the situation. From the safety he provided. When he's next to you in bed, your head on his chest, you know he won't let anything hurt you. Not even the nightmares had that power anymore, the bad memories are just that. Memories. But now... Daryl is more than a hero to you. He's something else entirely. He's the only one you'll ever want to have this close. The only man you'll ever want to hug, to lean on, to hold next to you during the night.
But what's the use of such acknowledgment now? Daryl left. He literally ran from your touch, from you. And of course he did. You came into his life, a broken, vulnerable thing, needing him so desperately. Of course he'd only endure you for a while. Now, he's done with that and whatever you feel doesn't matter. It's over.
“(Y/N), honey?” Carol calls, coming to sit beside you on the couch. Judith left half an hour ago, but still, you didn't move. You just stood there, drowning in the new, stupid feelings you just found out. “Don't cry, sweetie.”
“It's been six days.” You whisper, a hand on your heart. “He left because of me. I-I pushed him into going who knows where.”
“Daryl didn't go because of you. He went because of himself.” Carol takes a deep breath, talking low. She's always scared you'll slide back into the walls you built around you, so she's always careful. “He's complicated. He's been raised to believe nobody wants or cares for him, or...” When her voice fades, you look up, meeting her eyes. “Or love him.”
This makes you giggle, humorlessly. “What? He's... He's amazing. He's kind and smart, and strong, and handsome, Daryl is... Daryl is honest. And noble. How can he think people won't care for him?” The words flow out, too fast, because it's absurd to hear Carol saying that. It sounds like a joke. “You can't expect me to believe Daryl doesn't see all that.”
Carol's lips break into a smile, you don't get why. “He doesn't.”
“Then I'll make him see.” The same moment the words come out, you remember that he left. That he rejected you. “Well, I...”
“You have feelings for him, don't you? This isn't just about him saving you. There's something else.”
Fixing the blanket around your shoulders, you don't even try to dry off the tears. There will be others to take their place. “It doesn't matter, he...” You've been rejected before. You've had a crush on guys who didn't like you back. But this... This actually hurts. Hurts more than the wounds that still mark your body. “Y-you didn't see it. It's like... He doesn't even want to touch me and when he comes back I'll make sure he won't have to keep helping me.” You're sobbing by the end of the sentence, your body shaking as you cry.
You know you'll be lost without him, never able to feel like that again. The sensation he brought you is unexplainable. Irreplaceable. No man will ever make you feel that way, but that's not his fault. Maybe it's yours. Maybe it's nobody's fault. Everything you know is that you won't let anyone get this close ever again.
“Alright, honey. It's alright.” Carol hugs you, holding you tight as you cry on her shoulder. “Trust me when I say Daryl has very strong feelings for you too. He's just not very good at showing it.”
“Don't.” You mutter. “You can't say these things just to make me feel better, I know he doesn't.”
“Listen, honey. Listen.” She pulls away, drying off some of your tears with her thumbs. “Daryl is scared of how he feels towards you. Believe me, I know him.” Refusing to believe her, to have any kind of hope, you shake your head no. “The reason why he's running from it is that he thinks you can do better. You're young, beautiful, and sweet. He doesn't think he deserves you.”
“Why would he think that? Is he stupid or something?” You manage to say in between sobs, hugging Carol again.
“He can be stupid sometimes, yes.” She rubbs your back. “He will be back and I'm sure you'll get this right. Both of you.”
You don't answer, you just stay there, crying.
More days go by, and you only know he's alright because Rick has a radio, and he talks to Michonne daily, so everyone knows they're both alright.
The only thing that keeps you moving is little Judith. You also got to meet some of the other kids, since Carol decided to bring them here to play with Judith. You love having them around, it makes you forget about things for a while. Carol even introduced you to Melanie, a pregnant woman, and she also starts hanging out at your house, making you her official babysitter. She got here a few months ago, already pregnant. She used to go scavenging before, and that's what she wants to do for this community when her child is born, and she trusts you to be with them while she's away. Knowing you might have something useful to do makes you feel better. Makes you feel like you have something to offer and being with the kids is amazing.
But, eventually, everything comes crashing down, mostly at night, when you lie down all alone, surrounded by darkness. You often dream of Daryl. He's back, with you, not pushing you away. But when the morning comes, his usual place in the bed is still empty.
As the sun sets, you have Judith on your lap, her head on your chest. She's calming down after crying for her father. It took a long time to make her settle down, and now you're trying to make her sleep a little. Rubbing her back, you keep singing the only lullaby you can come up with. “Lavender's green, dilly, dilly, lavender's blue. If you love me, dilly, dilly, I will love you. I love to dance, dilly, dilly, I love to–” You're cut short by the door being open. Terror creeps over as you look up, and the fear is replaced by a mix of so many feelings you can't even name.
Daryl stands there, his eyes locked on yours and despite the distance, you can see the amazing, breathtaking shade of blue that makes your heart beat faster. You hold onto Judith when she moves a little, but she soon settles down again. But your eyes are focused on Daryl, and as much as you want to look away, you can't. It's stronger than you.
“Y-you're alive.” You stutter, holding back the tears. It's been two weeks. Too long, it felt like endless months. “Are you hurt?”
“No.” He simply says. “I'll... Shower. ‘M covered with walker's blood.”
“Ok.” He finally moves, going upstairs and you can finally breathe.
Daryl is back. He's right here and everything you want is to jump in his arms. But you can't. He doesn't want to have anything to do with you. He's done with taking care of you. You have to keep a distance.
You're trying to calm down, focusing on humming the lullaby to keep Judith in her peaceful sleep, trying not to think about Daryl, up there, under the same roof. You try not to think about his arms, always so warm and gentle around you.
“(Y/N).” Carol gets your attention, and you see her coming downstairs, being followed by Daryl. “Let me take Judith to see her dad.”
“Sure.” You burst out, watching as she picks Judith up, careful not to wake her up. “And you two need to talk so I'll stay at Rick's for a while.” She says in a low voice, giving Daryl a look.
You're frozen as she moves to the door, not wanting to risk look at Daryl and burst into tears.
You wanted him back, of course you did, but now, you don't know what to do. You're too scared of your feelings, of what you might do.
“I-I'll head upstairs.” Grabbing the clutch Denise got you, you stumble to your feet.
“We need ta’ talk,” Daryl says, but you ignore him, struggling with the clutch in a way you never did before.
“No, we're-we're fine. I'm fine.” You succeed to climb the first step, but on the second one, you move the wounded leg before you move the clutch, and this added to the whole situation makes you lose your balance and crash down. Luckily, your weight falls on the good leg, but that doesn't mean your body won't complain. A groan leaves your lips, and you feel Daryl's arms pulling you.
“(Y/N), be–”
“Don't touch me!” It's useless now. You're crying, your heart is broken and you can't take it. You can't control it. “Y-you don't like it when I touch you so don't touch me!”
“What the hell makes ya think I don't like when ya touch me?!” Daryl suddenly yells, his voice matching yours. He seems to regret it though, his eyes softening. “What... Who told ya that?”
“I don't need anyone to tell me anything. I'm not stupid.” It comes out in between the sobs as you sit down on the steps, throwing the clutch away. “You don't need to take care of me anymore! I... I'll get better and you won't have to think about me anymore. I can deal with the pain, the fear the nightmares! I can! If you don't want me anymore it's fine!” You yell at the top of your lungs, not proud of the way you're breaking down. But what can you do? Your heart is broken.
“I ain't–”
“You don't have to go in a hell of a long run to be away from me! I can just find another house to live in and get the hell out of your way if that's what you want and I'm so damn sorry I need you so much, Daryl. I'm so damn sorry I like you, or-or–” You lose your train of thought, sobbing uncontrollably, looking at the floor because you can't bring yourself to face Daryl now.
“Ya got it all wrong.” He mutters, coming to sit on the stairs, but you move back, pushing yourself against the wall. If you get any closer to him, you'll fail. You'll hug and hold and kiss him.
“Stop it, Daryl! I know you're tired of me so j-just stay away if that's what you want.” The tears soak your face, and you have your eyes closed as if it could hide you from him.
“Ya got it all wrong. Ya shouldn't want ta’ touch me or be around me. Yer so... pretty n’ young n’ good, ya shouldn't want ta’ touch me or be around me. I don't deserve to be with someone like ya n’ yer stupid ta’ want to be around me.” He yells back, raising his voice above yours, but despite the hint of anger, you don't feel scared. But you do need time to take in what he's saying. What he means. “Yer too young. M’ jus’ an old, dirty redneck and I don't... I went out so ya could have some time ta’ get over this. Ta’ not want me close anymore.”
“What are you saying, you idiot.” You stutter, playing back everything he said. “You can't decide what I should or shouldn't want! You have to decide what you want and I'll decide what I want and if these two things come together, then we work from there.” You move a little, the sting on your leg making you uncomfortable. Taking a deep breath, you finally regain some control of yourself, but the tears just keep coming. “I just need to know i-if you don't want... If you don't want me. Me touching you, or hugging you because if that's what you want, it's ok, I'll... I'll stay away.” It hurts to tell him this, and you're terrified of what he'll say next. If that's what he wants... What are you going to do?
“I shouldn't–”
“This is not about what you should, it's about what you want!” You burst out, tired of the argument. You just need to know what is and what isn't, so you can decide what to do next. “You were gone for two goddamn weeks, killing walkers and being in constant danger so just tell me what you want.”
“I want ya.” It comes out like a grunt, too fast and low, and it makes you wonder if you got it right. Daryl looks down, his shaggy hair hiding his eyes. You don't understand why he's so... Scared. Why he thinks so low of himself when you can only see the good, the great man he is. The very best.
“T-then don't push me away. Just... Just stay.” Lowering you're voice until it's barely a whisper, you dry some tears away. “I-I mean, I know that going out there it's your thing, I didn't mean it as you gotta stay here, I just mean it like... With me, you know? Go on runs, but stay with me. D-don't leave me. Well, do leave if that's what you want but not because you think I shouldn't be around you.” It sounds confusing, and you hope he gets it because you don't think you can explain it better.
“M’ sorry.” He mumbles, and this time, when he sits beside you on the step, you allow yourself to hug him, too desperately, feeling more tears coming. “ ‘S alright, babygirl. M’ sorry.”
Without saying anything, you surrender into his embrace, thankful for having him back after so long. Not even the noise coming from the front door makes you pull away.
“I see you two got along,” Carol says, sounding relieved. “You should just be straight forward with each other. It'll save both of you a lot of trouble.” When you hear her coming closer, you raise your head just a little bit to look at her. “(Y/N), why don't you let me help you with showering. There's still sand on your hair. Then you and Daryl can lie down to rest.”
You don't want to let go of him yet, but Carol is right. “Sand?”
“I was with the kids on that playground and little Mike threw a handful of sand at Judith but he hit me instead.” You explain it, using the wall to help you up. But Daryl is quick to assist you.
“So yer takin’ care of the kids? And outside?”
“Well, Carol was with me the whole time and it was only half an hour or so.” You let him carry you upstairs, not saying anything about it. Walking is a lot easier now, but you appreciate the gesture. “But I'm like the babysitter now. I really like it.”
“Bet ya do. I heard ya singing for Lil’ Ass Kicker.”
Your cheeks start burning. You had no idea he was listening. “Yeah...” Daryl leaves you in the bathroom and Carol comes soon after.
Showering is less painful now since you can manage to stand up long enough to clean yourself. But washing your hair is still a challenge, and that's why Carol is here. As she washes the sand away, she tells you of her daughter Sofia. About how she got lost and how Daryl restlessly searched for her. And the sad ending of that story. Everyone at the end of the world has a sad story to tell.
Once you're free of the sand and dry, you put your clothes on. You can't find any of your lycra shorts, so you stick with the tank top and panties before going to bed. It's very cold tonight, so you grab another blanket before lying down. You're just about to wonder if Daryl will come when he opens the door, and a smile immediately spreads through your lips.
“Hi.” Trying not to sound too excited, you mutter. It's hard to keep your eyes open, sleep threatening to overcome you.
Daryl grunts something you don't understand, taking off his jacket and leaving it on the dresser. You already moved to the side, giving him space. He pulls the blankets away before lying down, and you giggle to see how he tries not to move the mattress too much. Once he's settled down, you turn on your side, facing away from him, getting comfortable. You wait for him to do the same, but he doesn't move. By the time you had him sleeping here, you know he sleeps on his side. Not like this, staring at the ceiling.
“Are you comfortable?” You ask, eyes already closed.
“Yeah.”
“Uhm...” Turning around just a little bit, you grab Daryl's arm, pulling it until he's on his side, letting his hand fall on your waist.
“The hell ya doin’?” He mutters.
“Just letting you I want you to hug me. So if you want it too... You can.”
Daryl stays motionless for a while until you feel as he fixes his position. You're glad he won't see your smile, the happiness spreading through your face. Getting the hint, you carefully push yourself back a little, closer to him. His hand brushes on your thigh, and he abruptly moves it away, startling you. Your heart sinks a little, wondering if he'll fall back into whatever he was before.
“What?” Your voice is weak, making it clear you're scared.
“What are ya wearing?”
Oh. You didn't think it would be an issue. “Underwear.” You whisper, shrugging your shoulders. “All my shorts are dirty so I didn't have anything else.”
“Ya shouldn't be dressed like that when ya have a man on yer bed.” The words come out too fast and a little confusing.
“Daryl, I feel completely fine being here with you. Even though I'm in panties.” Being honest, you decide to let your heart out. This will be easier if you just say things straight forward, as Carol said you should. “And...” Searching for his hand under the blankets, you slowly bring it to the top of your thigh. The sensation of his fingers on your skin is warm, despite his fingertips still being cold. “I want you to know that you can touch me. I don't mind.” You whisper, eyes closing to take in the feeling of his touch a little better. “Actually, you're... You're the only man I'll ever want to touch me.” Maybe it's the sleep, pushing these words out. Maybe it's the long time you had Daryl away, thinking he was done with you. You don't know. The words came out and there's no way to take them back. And you don't want to. It's the truth.
He doesn't say anything, he doesn't move. Not for a while. You're about to ask him to say something, anything, when you feel his hand moving. Slowly, very slowly, his thumb starts caressing your skin. It burns in a good way. His hand then slides down, gently, from the top of your thigh to your knee. You feel like he's testing it, not sure why. Maybe he thinks you'll just give up the idea, be suddenly disgusted by his touch. But that's so far from the truth.
“That's nice.” You decide to say, giving voice to what you're feeling, so he'll know.
“Huh.” He sounds like he doesn't believe you.
“It is.” To reassure him, you move even closer, until your back is pressed against his chest. “Believe me.”
“Alright then.” He removes his hand, but it comes to embrace your waist, his grip firm around you, holding you close to his body. “Go to sleep now, babygirl.”
“Good night, D.”
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@funeral-7 @heyyy-hey-babyyy @twdeadfanfic @soraitmnt @winchester-angel @bvbwestfall @shawtygonemad @cameronsails @pulplorrd @browneyes528
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aot-snk-4238 · 3 years
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My thoughts on AOT No Requiem (Fanmade Ending) Part 1:
With another chapter of this story coming out soon, I thought now would be a good time to share my thoughts on the first part. Before I do that, though, I have a few things that I would like to get off my chest.
A part of me hates that this project exists. Not because I find it disrespectful, but because it serves as a bitter reminder of what a complete mess this ending caused among many fans. I'm still in disbelief how things got so bad so quickly. First, you've got the people who hated it. People began turning on Isayama and calling him a terrible or incompetent writer, regretting ever getting into the series, insisting that it was worse than Game of Thrones, the list goes on and on. People who liked the ending are now endlessly referred to as "ending defenders" or more crude names like "Isayama cockriders," as though they're a bunch of incompetent fools who don't know the first thing about reading comprehension all because they just happened to like it. And then of course you've got the other extreme end of the spectrum where the ones who were disappointed are accused of not understanding the story or they're only upset because their favorite ship or fan theory didn't become canon. This, too, is very demeaning and invalidating for those who grew up with this series that they gave their heart to and cherished for so long, only to have it do what they felt was a complete 180 at the very last second that undid every part of the story they thought was special and unique. It's one of the hardest slaps to the face you can get as a reader and long-time fan, and while I can't fully relate to everyone's feelings, I can at least understand and acknowledge that it's there and it shouldn't be laughed at. Now with all of that out of the way, here are my thoughts and analysis of this fanmade ending and how it differs from Isayama's.
To start things off, I found that part 1 started off similar to how 137 did in the canon manga, with Armin and Zeke conversing in PATHS. The biggest difference would be kid Eren being transported there and seeing his older self. To be fair though, this chapter was only about half the length of what we're used to reading, so I'm sure we'll get a lot more in part 2 onwards.
While Zeke is enlightening Armin on the history of the earth and how the life form that attached itself to Ymir sought to avoid death forever, young Eren is in PATHS too with his older self, witnessing the moment Ymir found the tree and fell in it to become the first titan. At first, there is no dialogue exchanged between them. They just hold hands and watch. Meanwhile, Zeke is still talking to Armin about Ymir and how she continued to serve her oppressive master despite acquiring godlike powers that would allow her to obliterate him whenever she pleased. This is where the team working on this project attempt to provide their own alternate possibilities as to why this happened in a way that would make more sense than what we were given in the canon story in which she simply had a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome and couldn't let him go no matter how much he made her suffer.
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So what are these new possibilities? They come in the form of a question, so their validity is not made absolutely certain, but they're presented as the most likely candidates nonetheless.
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According to Zeke, she was unable to separate her own desires from King Fritz and was a lost girl who sought meaning. A place to belong. Tragically, King Fritz was the only connection she had in her life, so she clung to it with everything she had despite it being toxic and abusive. I could argue that these are the very reasons why she supposedly loved the king in the official manga, as explained by Eren in 139, but they weren't explained or touched on as plainly as they were here. I feel like they could have been if Isayama had just been given more time, but sadly the whole thing was rushed and underdeveloped.
Moving on, Zeke states that despite his efforts in trying to understand Ymir and her feelings, it was Eren who ultimately was able to get to her and offer her the choice of freedom. The next page transitions to young Eren standing in the clouds with his arms spread out and a smile on his face just like in the official 137, only this time 19yo Eren is next to him. Now I'm going to be honest here, this is where things started to get a little corny for me. Yeah. I know a lot of people hate that argument, but that's just how it felt to me. And before I say anything else, I want everybody to know that I am in no way about to mock anyone's fondness of this Eren over the one we saw in 139, even if it was a little over-the-top. It's perfectly fine to prefer one over the other, I'm just going to try to explain myself the best I can without coming across as harsh or unprofessional.
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Eren is drawn in these panels to be a stone-faced, determined and unstoppable force who will "keep moving forward until his enemies are destroyed." This is the Eren that many people grew most familiar with throughout the series, despite his occasional breakdowns, but something about the way it was executed just felt a little too overdramatic and exaggerated. For me, the contrast between this Eren and the Eren we were presented with in 139 is too jarring. It came across to me as the fandom's idealized version of Eren, the "chad" Eren if you will, rather than Isayama's portrayal of Eren who is cold and determined, but has also been experiencing stunted mental growth ever since the day he saw his mother get eaten; side note: I know that Eren himself was responsible for his mother's death, but that's a discussion for a later time. Not only that, but the "keep moving forward" line starts to get overused at this point. We already heard Eren say this a number of times before 137 where this first fanmade chapter takes place, so I didn't find it necessary to include that at the end, but it seemed to be the writers' way of trying to reinforce Eren's ultimate goal.
Regarding the rest of the chapter, young Eren asks older Eren what Ymir is still waiting for after he showed her that she's not alone. 19yo Eren proceeds to explain that while he was able to make her feel something again, she still needs somebody to free her. He shows his younger self all of the visions from PATHS that he's seen so far, ranging from past events to alternate realities to things that couldn't be changed no matter what. Now there is only one path left that he strives toward. The one that he believes will grant him and his people freedom. This next line is the one that stood out to me the most throughout this fanmade chapter. Still talking to kid Eren, adult Eren says, "When you wake up, you will forget what you learned, but not what you felt here. This will all feel just like a long dream." Only when he kisses Historia's hand will it all come back to him. This line more clearly explains why Eren woke up crying in chapter 1, but couldn't remember why. Then he circles back to how he intends to carry out his own plan to end the cycle of hatred once and for all. Despite his efforts along the way, he couldn't change the flow of PATHS and save the friends he lost or prevent certain events from happening altogether, so he had to accept that sacrifices had to be made. In this case, he will have to literally sacrifice the world, much to Armin's horror.
To wrap this up, I'm going to finish comparing this to the canon 137, but since the first part of this project only covers the PATHS portion of it, that's where I'll stop as well. To save a little but of time, I'm just gonna be lazy and copy the first part of a quick overview of the chapter I found as part of the wiki:
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So clearly, canon 137 starts off focusing a lot more on Armin and Zeke's differing philosophies and does not provide any further insight into Eren's ultimate motives like this one does, at least not yet. Armin and Eren are bound to face off soon in this fanmade version, but it looks to me like this time the writers are planning on flipping the outcome and having Eren come out victorious instead, especially when I remember the name of this project and what it's based on. I guess that means that in a way, I already know what's ultimately going to happen throughout the rest of this project. Whether it's going to be considered superior to the actual ending is going to depend on if its executed properly. I could very well be wrong about some of this, though. I want to give it a fair shot since these people have clearly put a lot of hard work and passion into this, so I will refrain from further judgement until we get the full picture. On a side note, I just want to say that the artwork is beautiful so far and I commend every artist responsible for their efforts. I also liked the song choice at the beginning and thought it set the mood pretty well.
Thank you to everyone who read the whole thing. This took me far longer to write than it should have because I'm not always good at expressing myself in a way that does not come across as confusing or contradictory. I will continue to share my thoughts as more content is released, which by the looks of it could be any day now.
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cureicy · 3 years
Text
bsd fic recs, found family edition
feeling bored, so i decided to compile some of my favorite fics. Hopefully this will help other people who are looking for this sort of content.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/18720958 An exploration of Atsushi’s relationship with touch, and how the people around him help with that. The style feels almost liminal, somehow, and could easily be confused with a character study. Contains background shin soukoku.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/22171153 This fic is, in my opinion, severely underrated. The writing is understated and almost nostalgic, and by the end, it leaves you with some sort of yearning for a half remembered time that you want to try again. The notes describe it as a whimsical road trip AU, but in my opinion, the real gem is three people falling in love wholly and platonically. Contains the rare trio of Atsushi, Lucy, and Akutagawa. Don’t forget to leave a comment on this one!
https://archiveofourown.org/series/1794946 If you’re into found family, this is the quintessential series for bungou stray dogs. Somewhere between a kid fic and a character study, this rewrites canon in a world where there are no abilities and most of the cast are children, adopted by Fukuzawa from various abusive homes. It plays fast and loose with canon, unafraid  to change things up for the sake of the world, but retains the same themes. It’s very refreshing to see the story imagined as a bunch of traumatized children doing their best to heal, and the interactions between the siblings emphasize that while things aren’t perfect, they’re learning to live together. Mind the tags; a lot of events hit harder when you see them as children, but overall, an incredibly cathartic series.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/27395401/chapters/66954703 This is a bit difficult to describe without spoiling-- the premise begins with Chuuya taking a break from work, and somehow this spirals into chaos, unspirals into something that makes far too much sense, and leaves a feeling of satisfaction by the end. If you want to see more of Chuuya being the big brother to a ragtag group of orphans, this is the fic for you.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/25159957 Atsushi gets stuck in a time loop and realizes just how far the ADA will go to protect him. Fair warning; this one gets dark, and contains themes of hopelessness and suicide. Good for a deep dive into Atsushi’s psyche with a resolution at the end.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/28010001 Atsushi goes to the ADA’s holiday party. Most of the cast is casually LGBT+, and the premise shows how far everyone has come to find a place where they can truly be happy. There’s some AtsuLucy, but with the rare treat of Kyouka and Lucy getting along, and familial relationships being just as important as romantic ones. All in all, fun fluff, which could use some more attention, so don’t forget to leave a comment on this one!
https://archiveofourown.org/works/27248215 The intersection between catboy atsushi and ADA as family, with some memes thrown in for good measure. A light, humorous read, with focus on platonic affection and love languages.
https://archiveofourown.org/series/1588582 Another series about the ADA as found family; this one is largely canon compliant, and focuses mostly on Dazai’s trauma and how the ADA learns to support him. Mind the tags.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/23870695 A realistic portrayal of Dazai’s depression, which acknowledges that while mental illness doesn’t just go away, having people who care about you makes a difference. Low key hurt/comfort that heals the rift left by unsupportive family who think mental illness is some kind of weakness.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/15679860 A oneshot about the similarities between Kyouka and Fukuzawa, and the unconventional ways that people find each other. It’s an underrated dynamic, but one with a lot of potential, and the writer captures Kyouka’s voice perfectly. If you think Kyouka deserves a hug and Fukuzawa deserves grandkids, this is the fic for you.
That’s all for now, but if you’re looking for good fics in this fandom, send me an ask and tell me what you like and I’ll try to put together a list for you! I can’t make any promises, as my tastes are a bit limited, but I’ll do my best!
(edit 3/2/2021: made a few revisions, as the original draft ran out of steam near the end)
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nerdie-faerie · 3 years
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Ace you like doctor who right? what would you say is the best way to enjoy the show?
I do indeed like doctor who nonnie. This is something I've realised since watching the later series. I wasn't following a lot of dw blogs previously so it's only since Jodie's era that I've been seeing the in time responses to episodes that's made me realise this but not every season has to be perfect.
Let me explain. I follow a few blogs that aren't into comics and I think we should take a similar approach to dw as fairly similar in the fact that the writers, main characters and supporting cast change so regularly in the same way that artists and comic writers change constantly. There's very little continuity over the 60+ years of dw in the same way comic book characters can have wildly varying details depending who's in charge at the time. And your going to enjoy it more if you can acknowledge strengths and weaknesses
I hate moffat as a writer I'll be the first to admit so my main hope for season 11 was just to have anyone other than moffat writing. I mean we had the guy for 6 seasons in comparison to RTD's 4 and half seasons and chibbs' 3. The writing was getting stale by the time he left. And while I don't like his writing I can admit he's good at doing the big emotive speeches and the first few series with the ponds were better. And in comparison RTD (so far) is my favourite writer. But he's a little weak in the dialogue area.
The thing is not every writer or actor is going to be perfect so the best way to look at it personally is to go 'okay it's not as bad as x' or 'i like this better than y'. Expecting every writer and actor to meet the standard of your favourite is going to lead to disappoint because everyone's going to have different opinions on what makes dw good and what needs to be improved
Also keep in mind the influence of the BBC. I don't think it's a coincidence that in that year break between 2015-2017 after series 9 where the BBC come under fire for being sexist and racist that the next companion was then a gay woc. The ratings for dw were down and the BBC was getting a lot of flack for being prejudice that probably wasn't helped by a lot of the unsavoury things moffat has said behind the scenes.
And I don't doubt the same thing is in effect for chibbs. The ratings steadily got worse during Moffat's run but they were back up to what they'd been at the start of the rival for Jodie's first series. I've seen a lot of people complaining about the performative nature of chibbs era but I don't think he's entirely to blame. Just as I've seen people comment that bringing RTD back is the BBC's attempt to squeeze more out of their favourite cash cow I think chibbs is likely under similar constraints to perform for the BBC for ratings rather than having as much free reign as he'd potentially like
I've forgotten what my point is I got a little sidetracked........ But basically my point is not every episode is going to be perfect sometimes you just have to take what you get, that doesn't mean you can't be critical! But I feel like - on Tumblr especially - people tend to be so critical than they forget you can just enjoy something that isn't perfect.
Dw first and foremost about the money for the BBC and that's going to effect the quality of what we're seeing. So yeah we may be getting better sfx as a result of better funding whilst also getting more restrictive writing, but that isn't solely any one parties fault. None of the writers are perfect! Canon is none existent because the show is over 60 years old and spans over like half a dozen mediums! Its meant to be ridiculous
I don't know if any of this made sense or what I'm trying to get at specifically but good luck with your doctor who watching sweetie
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thestupidhelmet · 3 years
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What are the pros and cons of each season, excluding season 8 which we all know never happened?
This is a subjective opinion, of course, and it won't be a comprehensive list. That would take me too long. 😅
Season 1
Pros:
The American '70s milieu being part and parcel of the show's stories and characterization rather than being background element.
Eric and Donna's playful relationship and its development into romance.
Red being less of a hardass, his love for Eric being obvious despite Red's general toughness toward him, and Red's higher tolerance -- and even enjoyment -- of Eric's friends and Jackie.
The development of Jackie and Donna's friendship.
Hyde's complete characterization overhaul in "Prom Night' (1x19)
Kelso showing loyalty to Eric in "Grandma's Dead" (1x23) and other moments where he actually seems to be a friend to Eric and Hyde rather than solely a selfish, self-interested dillhole.
Kelso being a math and tech prodigy.
Jackie not being a stereotype "dumb cheerleader" but someone who cared about her studies, did homework on Saturday nights, and got As on her essays.
Laurie, in the first two-thirds of season 1, being depicted as smart academically, savvy socially, and not interested in Kelso at all. She was an overall more complex character until the writers used her as the show's main antagonist.
Fez being characterized as naive and trying to fit in with his American friends; he didn't know how far to push a joke and often pushed it too far in an attempt to acclimate to a new culture. Because of this, he said some disturbing things, but he came by them innocently. It wasn't due to being a boundary-invading perv (as he later became).
Fez's insight and friendship with Hyde.
Red and Kitty being in love and continuing to have the hots for each other -- and only each other. Goes against the cliched TV longtime-marriage that's lost its passion.
Cons:
Hyde's characterization before "Prom Night" (1x19) / His very problematic and disturbing pursuit of Donna romantically / sexually.
The major character shift in Laurie as a mischief maker and sower of chaos, screwing up other people's relationships for her own amusement and pleasure.
The episode order being shuffled by Fox and the premature time jump to 1977, which confused the true story arc of season 1.
"A New Hope" (1x20) being the original season 1 finale, leaving Eric and Donna's relationship uncertain. A huge conflict occurs between them in this episode, intended to the cliffhanger for the audience to ponder over the summer -- are Eric and Donna breaking up? -- which is promptly forgotten as if it never happened in the episodes that followed.
The mixed messages of "Eric's Buddy" (1x11). It's a combo of "Gay is okay!" and "Gay panic for laughs!"
Season 2
Pros:
The storytelling, in general, is very on point. It puts character (and character development) first and lets plot and humor arise naturally from it.
The character development (e.g., Red being out of work and Kitty supporting him emotionally and family financially, Hyde becoming compassionate toward and protective of Jackie, Eric and Donna working through their relationship issues and growing from them, etc.)
This is my favorite season of the series, and the two above points, I believe, cover all the pros (again, if were to make a comprehensive list, it would be way too long)
Cons:
Kelso's characterization shift. He goes from being a semi-louse who has (some) loyalty to other people to a full-on, selfish, self-entitled dillhole.
Laurie essentially raping Kelso.
Fez's Nice Guy syndrome toward Jackie
The American '70s milieu fading into the background
Red losing a good portion of his softness; becoming a less balanced character
Season 3
Pros:
More good storytelling and character / character-relationship development. Even if that development isn't always pleasant, it's organic.
Cons:
Jackie's invasion of Hyde's boundaries played for laughs (even though Donna does call her on it, which is a pro).
The show not acknowledging (through Jackie, Hyde, and other characters) the huge arc between Jackie and Hyde during season 2 and the first third of season 3 -- with the exception of "Ice Shack" (3x10), as if it never happened.
Kelso invading Donna's boundaries in "Roller Disco" (3x05)
Season 4
Pros:
The good storytelling and character / character-relationship development continues -- but not for the whole season.
Fez's characterization and relationship with Rhonda.
The unintentional but never-the-less present moments of bonding and closeness between Jackie and Hyde.
Bob and Joanne's relationship
Cons:
The destruction of Fez's character at the end of the season.
Kelso's growth of the end of S3 and first half of S4 being erased and replaced by an even worse version of Kelso.
One of the main reasons Donna and Eric breakup at the end of S3 is so she can experience independence; but she jumps deeply into a monogamous relationship (on her end) with Casey Kelso halfway into the season.
Jackie and Hyde's S2-S3 relationship dynamic getting no acknowledgment; their relationship getting no direct, obvious development at all.
Season 5
Pros:
Eric and Donna reconcile romantically.
Jackie and Hyde's romantic relationship begins.
Many good episodes (but not all).
Kitty getting a story arc focused on her.
Laurie's character development.
Cons:
Eric and Donna not dealing with what broke them up. Eric saying, "Forget about all that stuff," is the writers' way of saying that to the audience so they could move onto the engagement storyline. It's not good storytelling. At least one episode (if not more) were needed for Eric and Donna to deal with their issues from season 3.
Jackie and Hyde's romantic relationship being disconnected completely from their S2-S3 relationship.
A somewhat pathological passive-aggressiveness being added to Hyde's character
Hyde's character being manipulated to serve plot and create the cliffhanger at the end of season 5. The writers were aware this is what they were doing and acknowledged it through an exchange Hyde has with Roy before Hyde chooses not to confront Jackie and learn -- which is what he actually would have done -- and, instead, "retaliates" for the perceived injury Jackie gave him, which also serves as his passive-aggressive way to break up with her.
Hyde putting his fear of losing Jackie above Jackie's pain and feelings of betrayal once he admits his transgression with the nurse.
Hyde acting like Jackie pitting him and Kelso against each other for one night in a competition for her affection is equal to the injury he causes her by sleeping with someone else (out of insecure assumptions, a lack of trust, and an unwillingness to give Jackie the benefit of the doubt).
Fez's behavior growing more and more disturbing (e.g., hiding under Donna's bed to masturbate while Donna and Jackie sleep).
The beginning of the end of Red's true and consistent characterization, toward Kitty specifically. The start of him becoming a cliched, put-upon sitcom husband, whose wife is a cause of misery more often than joy.
Season 6
Pros:
Some very well-written, well-characterized episodes (particularly for Jackie/Hyde and Brooke/Kelso).
Kelso's character growth and story arc with Brooke.
Cons:
Kitty becoming a certified alcoholic.
Red continuing his downward spiral into a cliched, put-upon sitcom husband.
Hyde's transgression against Jackie in season 5 never being mentioned. Hyde acts like the injured party in the first few episodes of season 6, and the show writes his and Jackie's issues as if they're both equally to blame when Hyde is the one who bears one-hundred percent of the responsibility for their breakup.
No true development between Donna and Eric. Their storylines are rehashed from earlier seasons.
Eric and Donna unnecessarily setting a wedding date instead of remaining engaged, only for neither of them actually feeling ready to get married by the end of the season.
The show's first filler episode "Young Man Blues" (6x09), which does nothing to further the overall plot of season 6 or develop the characters.
The total mishandling of Pam Burkhart's storyline. This includes Hyde acting completely contrary to how seasons 1-5 Hyde would have (i.e. being pissed at Pam on Jackie's behalf, wanting to support her rather than feeling it's a burden, feeling protective of her, etc.) It also includes Jackie and Donna's potential for friendship development due to their shared parental situation being wasted.
Fez's continuing to devovle into a punchline, a punchline-giver, and someone who commits inappropriate behavior toward his female friends.
Laurie's recast causing the writers to scrap the originally intended storyline for her as an individual (i.e. continued character growth) and for her and Fez's relationship.
Season 7
Pros:
A few funny episodes.
A few decently-characterized episodes.
The introduction of W.B. and Angie.
Cons:
Red changing from someone utterly devoted to Kitty, feeling romantic and sexual passion only for her, to someone who not only finds other women attractive but seeks out their attention -- and generally (though not always) acts like being married to Kitty is a hardship instead of a blessing.
Wasting the potential of W.B. and Angie's characters. Focusing on Angie's relationship with Kelso rather than with Hyde. Not exploring Hyde and W.B.'s relationship deeply.
Jackie and Hyde's unnecessary breakups. They're caused by a rehashed conflict that was resolved in "Do You Think Its Alright (6x18)" and were likely meant to lead up to a "dramatic" series finale outcome where Hyde finally fully commits to Jackie by proposing to her.
Separating Eric from Hyde, Kelso, and Fez is many storylines and keeping most of his storylines between him, Donna, and his parents.
Fez remaining stagnant as a character.
Most of Kelso's growth being -- yet again -- erased.
Brooke and Betsy's absence.
Another post of mine you might find interesting is: What I Think Is Each Character’s Best Season of the Series (Exclusding Season 8), Character-Wise and Why.
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