#other times i think am i nonbinary and the fact that i'm so used to being perceived as a woman and trapped in an environment where | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mar64ds · 10 months

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i am no woman or man i'm just a cartoon rabbit, i promise

#my gender is so confusing i wish i could just be a cartoon character i think all my problems would be solved #i'm always thinking am i REALLY a demigirl or am i a cis woman that just wants attention (not true never listen to that)#other times i think am i nonbinary and the fact that i'm so used to being perceived as a woman and trapped in an environment where #i will never be perceived as nonbinary by others. and all of that makes me think that #if i identified as nonbinary it would feel like i was faking it because 'im not really nonbinary'#which is false too you can be whatever you want #and then i also think. demigirl does fit me because i dont fully feel like a girl and i dont fully feel nonbinary i am just kind of #in the middle. which IS what being a demigirl can feel like #but good lord i get so invalidated over and over again by my mother (should have never told her. thats my bad)#that sometimes i feel wow i'm faking everything i'm not real *dissociates* cool #anyway. this is so long if you have somehow read all of this thanks and sorry #as of right now i'm a demigirl i think that's cool. but really i am a cartoon rabbit ok #vent #just vent in the tags but whatever lol

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a-bit-of-a-queer-one · 6 months

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I loved Wild Blue Yonder, I thought it was a great episode. But if I see one more person proclaiming that the Doctor saying Isaac Newton was "hot" made the character "finally queer", I'm gonna set fire to sth.

For one thing, since they changed into a woman, the Doctor has, depending on one's definition, been canonically genderfluid/trans/nonbinary/genderqueer. That was made even more explicit last week in Star Beast. So saying that the Doctor as played by a man and using he/him pronouns calling a man "hot" somehow made the character queer is stupid in and of itself.

And secondly, the Doctor has long been regarded as aro and ace-coded by people of those communities and guess what? Aro and ace people really do exist and we are queer. And it would be lovely if other queer people could stop excluding us by saying that characters who provide what little, mostly accidental and incidental representation we get "become queer" by expressing same-sex attraction. It happened with Good Omens and it seems to be happening again with Doctor Who and I am so fucking tired of it

Edit (6th Dec 2023): Several people have pointed out in the notes that there have been quite a few instances of the Doctor ambiguously or indeed unambiguously expressing 'same-sex' attraction and exploring their gender identity/identities in the past, both in the show and in extended media. I just wanted to be absolutely clear on the fact that I was in way trying to diminish the importance of those moments by emphasing the aspect of asexuality and aromanticism in my post. That is not to say that I think anyone was implying that I was doing that, in fact everyone's been lovely (which is why I also wanted to thank everyone for their input, I learnt a lot, especially about the novels!!)

Of course, as an asexual, aromantic and agender/nonbinary person, that is the lens through which I watch the show and relate to the character of the Doctor. This does not make my reading of them any more or less valid than anyone else's. In fact, I absolutely love the fact that the Doctor is a character who speaks to people of so many different queer identities and I am so happy that RTD is exploring their queerness more explicitly, building on what he and so many other writers and also the actors have already established. I just hope that the fandom will respect the aro and ace aspects of the Doctor's queerness the same way they do their gender identities and other sexual and romantic orientations. Part of the reason I was initially quite worried about this was because of my experiences in the Good Omens fandom, particularly post series 2, as indicated in my original post. The other is that I doubt the show will explore the aro and ace aspects of the character as much as they may other queer identities - unfortunately aspecs have a history of being left behind in this regard...

But we will see, maybe I'll be proved wrong! For the time being, I just hope the queer community can celebrate all the different facets of the Doctor's undeniable queerness, including the aspec ones. And as the reactions to this post have been overwhelmingly supportive (I don't think I've seen a single outright negative response), I think this hope is far from unfounded.

(Sorry, this edit turned out to be longer than the original post...)

#doctor who #dw spoilers #doctor who spoilers #wild blue yonder #asexuality #aromanticism #asexual #aromantic #acespec #arospec

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thehealingsystem · 3 months

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Hey, can we talk about the violence against queer natives for a second?

Nex Benedict was a 16 year old nonbinary student who was brutally murdered by three of their female classmates. Not only that, they were a Native American living on a Cherokee reservation, though not enrolled in the tribe, and their actual heritage is that of Choctaw.

Their death was not properly reported on until the blog post that genderkoolaid shared was made. Their nonbinary identity had remained unacknowledged, and it took even longer for their native one to be.

They were a victim of the rising anti-trans rhetoric spreading throughout places like the US. They were beaten in a bathroom after Oklahoma had banned trans people from restrooms, designating them to only use that of their assigned sex. Nex was attacked in the girls bathroom.

A native, two-sprit, nonbinary teenager. Whose identity and the actual circumstances behind the incident, a hate crime, wasn't even published beforehand. They died tragically, a death that could've been easily prevented.

Do you know how scary that is? I'm just like them. A native, two-spirit, nonbinary teenager. I have to keep on hearing stories of people my age, who live in the same country, who share my identity, getting murdered. Not even just murdered, but erased.

I know for an absolute fact that if I died tragically, who I am will not be remembered. My deadname will be on everything. I would not be counted in trans statistics, nonetheless statistics on transmascs. My identity would not be respected. My native heritage wouldn't matter. I didn't get to be enrolled. And Nex had supportive family and friends, people who stood up for them. Not all trans kids get to have that.

I've had to think about this before many times. From the other trans youth deaths I've seen. From nearly becoming one of them. When is it enough? Why do the people in power do nothing to stop kids like me from being killed? Why do they only want to make our lives worse?

I'm very lucky to live in a state that has not wavered on it's protections on LGBTQ+ residents. Though I am reminded often that that can easily change, if things keep going like this.

I could've easily been them. I can still easily be them. There are many other kids who can be them. Everyone should be doing more to protect trans youth, and protect queer natives. We're so often forgotten about. I'm part of small tribes, and tribes who barely even exist anymore. My elders desperately trying to keep it alive. Please do not erase us. I'm queer, I'm native. Nex Benedict should have been protected, youth like me should be protected. I wish the best for their family and I hope their memory is never forgotten.

#nex benedict #protect trans kids #trans rights are human rights #transgender #nonbinary #two spirit #native american #indigenous #tw hate crime #tw murder #transphobia #exorsexism #racism #anti-indigenous racism

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doberbutts · 3 months

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I think the terms TMA/TME work best when they're used as rules of thumb, rather than expected to function as strict categories. They're often helpful, but occasionally they can become obfuscatory, and there are edge cases where they can't be neatly applied. In those cases, they should be set aside, but with an understanding that they will be brought back into conversations when helpful.

To give a personal perspective - I'm a trans masc individual who has, upon occasion, experienced misdirected transmisogyny. I was on T for 5 years, then came off it (partly due to health problems, partly due to starting to identify as nonbinary rather than as a man) and began presenting in a more feminine manner, and people would regularly mistake me for a trans woman.

When people thought I was a trans woman, I did notice an increase in hostility, harassment and unwelcome advances from strangers. Groups of men would shout at me in the street, mothers would glare at me and physically pull their children further away from me if I came near. I also started getting catcalled and couldn't enjoy a night out in a club without being groped. I'd experienced some of these things as a trans man and as a girl, but probably never at such a high frequency or so intensely.

I definitely think I got a taste of transmisogyny and people do still assume I'm trans fem from time to time. But I still wouldn't describe myself as TMA. I don't shout it from the rooftops, but if it feels relevant in the context of a conversation, I will say I'm TME. Because I think the terms are about overarching dynamics, rather than whether or not an individual has ever faced a single instance of transmisogyny.

For me, there was always a sense of distance between myself and any negative experience, that came from knowing they'd misread my AGAB - "that lad just called me a chick with a dick! How funny! I'd be so lucky!" / "You're harassing me for using the female showers at the gym when I am literally menstruating. Are you going to stop being a creep, or do I have to show you my bloody tampon?" There's a degree to which I can sidestep or disavow their idea of me in a manner trans women can't.

I also don't know what it's like to deal with many other elements of transmisogyny, or deal with it as an overarching narrative in one's life rather than a freak episode.

I think it's fair to say I have at times been a grey area and I could use my experiences to argue against the validity of TME/TMA, but I don't want to do that. I don't like it when the terms are just used as a way to say AFAB/AMAB while being perceived as less problematic. But I think it is helpful to have little shorthand reminders about specific power dynamics that do have an impact in our communities. I have absolutely seen transmisogyny play out in queer spaces, both online and IRL, and I think it's worth having vocabulary that emphatically reminds people to check themselves and to not assume they don't have internalised bias against trans women just because they're trans masc.

Trans women are a boogeyman in popular culture and the collective unconscious in a way trans men never have been (at least, not to anything like the same extent). Trans women face an intensity of monstering that I think most people won't understand unless they spend a lot of time sharing space with and listening to trans women. The rapid adoption of TMA/TME feels like an attempt to fast-track that understanding en masse. Maybe it's a bit clumsy, but I do think it's having an impact and important conversations are happening. I don't know if the terms will stick or fall out of use. Having been in the trans community for over a decade and seeing how our vocabularies evolve, I'm inclined to think they'll stick around for a few years and then largely disappear. But I feel that while trans women are finding them useful, we need to be respectful of that fact.

Idk sorry to rant in your askbox, I wanted to give my two cents. Feel free to ignore lol

I'm going to be a bit blunt here: in the span of time I've been off tumblr to, you know, sleep... I've gotten 20 different asks trying to convince me to like the usage of tma/tme and also several transphobic asks about my top surgery. The transphobic ones I blocked and deleted because I'm literally 3 weeks out and will not be dissuaded. But I'm simply not willing to continue arguing a point I've made very clear that I don't love the usage of this particular theory the way it's currently being used.

You can like it for yourself. I have said this over and over again. I do not like it for me, and do not think it is accurate for my life or my experiences or the reality that is what I have to go through on a regular basis. True to everything else that I've posted, I don't really care what you call yourself. If you want to call yourself TME and you believe that framework works for your experience, more power to you. Just don't label me that, because I don't think it works for mine.

Trans women are absolutely a boogeyman in a way that trans men often aren't. That is, unfortunately, one of the ways that hypervisibility is such a curse. Everyone knows what a trans woman is, and a good majority of those people also think the only good one's a dead one. That's bad. That's transmisogyny, and we should ally with trans women to help fix this problem.

Also unfortunately, as trans men become more and more visible to the world, instead of facing mass erasure and dying in silence or escaping to live in stealth, trans men are also beginning to become a boogeyman as well. Now we are a social contagion, a craze, with rapid onset gender dysphoria, mutilating ourselves and ruining our precious bodies, carving out our wombs, simultaneously debasing ourselves and also becoming predators lurking to snatch daughters up and forcefeed them our ideology, betraying women by becoming a mockery of men. What's worse, we tend to politically close ranks with trans women and cis women alike so it's harder for transphobic lawmakers to divide and conquer as they're used to with cis men, so instead they have to demonize us to prevent any further allyship.

That's the conversation trans mascs are trying to have.

Genuinely, I do agree that trans women face an othering that most people do not grasp without understanding transmisogyny theory, which is why I think everyone should have at least a basic understanding of it. But I also think that's true of many other demographics, and that if we want to get out of the pit that bigoted society put us in, we've got to work together to do so. It was, after all, the combined efforts of Marsha P Johnson AND Storme de Laverie that brought us out in the open. And among me friend group, we have people from all different races and backgrounds and genders and more locking arms to ensure the safety of each other, wanting to understand and know each other, lifting each other up.

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fernlessbastard · 1 month

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Opinions on transfem/Trans woman c!Wilbur? If you havent already, since its a slightly popular Hc w c!W

honestly I'm mostly indifferent ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

it's not for me, but like I've got no particularly strong feelings either way. I can absolutely see a lot of reasons for that reading - it all does fit, so it's not a matter of there being no justification, but more so just personally I just don't hold that headcanon

the thing with either of them being trans is that like, I am for some reason oddly attached to Quackity being specifically and strictly a man who's into men, or at the very least masc individuals - maybe it's cause I just started off with that "hc" (I mean it is kinda pretty heavily canon - I don't recall him ever flirting with a woman). Wil being mtf would obviously make all of that very complicated - each time I start to think about it I can't help but think if 1. is there any way for Q to still be into Wil without that invalidating Wil's gender identity 2. is there any way for Q - a gay man - to have feelings for a woman that doesn't invalidate his sexual identity Like, exceptions happen, but mm idk It's obvioulsy completely different if you hc Q as pan/bi/homoflexible/whatever else, but yeah personally I'm just really attached to the idea of Q being strictly homosexual

When it comes to the nonbinary umbrella it's kinda similar (with both being amab) - with Wil it works i'd say, there isn't as much of a conflict with Quackity's sexuality, but again, I'm mostly indifferent and you do you; with Q it just kinda doesn't quite fit for me - idk he just has relatively binary man vibes imo

in regards to other combinations of one/both of them being trans: > Wil's ftm - yeah sure I'm down with that, good for him, I don't actively hc that but like yeah no conflict there, plus I guess it'd explain how he had Fundy - though fantasy mpreg makes it so much funnier > Q's mtf - idk i just don't feel it in the slightest. He doesn't really give me any of those vibes. Especially considering things like the fact that he's short, has longer hair, is/used to be a sex worker (with presumably male clients), is heavily (and at the very least primarily, if not exclusively) into men, canonically has a big ass, etc, so it just really doesn't sit right with me to then have him be mtf - I just want some more representation of those characteristics in men, y'know? > Q's ftm - ok so, it fits. And I really really hate that it fits. It would make so much sense but holy fuck guys I cannot handle that ok - I'm ftm, and if he's cis then I can like at least partially remove myself from all of that... but if he's ftm then holy fucking shit everything just hits so much harder like guys I'm not strong enough to handle the pain of seeing this much of myself in him ok I will simply collapse, like him being seen as an object and sexualised and put down and belittled and pressured to be all submissive and shit just hits so completely different if you see it through the lenses of him being ftm and let me fucking tell you I am NOT ready for the breakdown thinking about it and how similar and in some cases identical to my own experiences it all is would cause m > ANYWAY with them both being trans it's just a combination of my previous thoughts ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

hope that answers your question UwU anyway ha ha bye--/lh

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 10 months

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wibta if I exposed my friend to her conservative parents?

that title sounds horrid but I have some level of reasoning. sorry, this is kind of long.

my friend (19f) and I (19X) met when we were seven years old. we went to the same Christian elementary school, then she stayed when I left for middle school and on. when I went upstate for college, she stayed at home to attend a small local college.

without getting into too much, this is a girl I care about deeply, someone I considered my ride or die for years.

when I realized I was asexual and bi, she was one of the first people I told, and she received me with open arms. when I began to id as nonbinary, I didn't tell her for several months. it felt odd, after knowing each other so long. it wasn't personal. I didn't tell many of my longtime friends, just bottled it till college.

she was the last person I hung out with before leaving for freshman year. I went to show her something on discord, and she saw my bio, where i have my preferred name and the fact that I just use any pronouns. she quizzed me on what exactly that was about, and all seemed well when we parted ways.

but that was the last time I saw her, almost a full year ago. I tried to reach out to her several times when I was home when my cat died, fall break, Thanksgiving break, and winter break. each time, she declined saying she had to work, and promised me "next time".

she does live about 45 minutes away from me, so I was willing to believe it, until she declined an e-invite for my yearly Christmas party that I'd purposefully scheduled around her work times.

i would have been willing to reschedule it if she'd answered any of my texts, but she never initiated conversations and took a long time to text back, if at all.

i didn't text her again till February, her birthday, and she didn't respond to that at all. I laid off again, and didn't text her for several months, until my birthday recently. I guess I just wanted to make it clear that if she hadn't meant to ghost me I wasn't upset, and she could pick things back up if she wanted. naive, i know.

she responded this time, saying basically that I wasn't the kind of person she wanted in her life anymore, and that I was "taking the queer thing too far" by, specifically, being nonbinary. she told me to leave her alone, and do it for good, because she was willing to spill to my parents about my gender.

my parents have a history of physical and emotional abuse, they're boomers and have the views to match. they made my life miserable when I was outed to them as bi (unrelated to my friend), and I don't have the cover of it being a 14 year old's phase now. this would be worse.

this is where I might be TA. my friend's parents, while not having been abusive before, are still controlling and every bit as conservative. maybe more.

and while my friend is straight and cis, her and her bf have been having sex for about a year now, and she's also been to a good number of parties and gotten drunk multiple times. it's a legitimate possibility that they would disown her if they found out about this.

I don't want to squeal if I don't have to. but I wanted to intimidate her into keeping quiet, and I am willing to tell her parents if she tells mine. I think.

so, wibta if I exposed her in retaliation? (or aita for threatening her with it?)

tldr: my longtime friend more or less ghosted me after finding out I'm nonbinary. we both have dirt on each other and she threatened to tell my parents about it, so I reminded her that I have just as much on her that I could spill too.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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moonstruckme · 4 months

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hi mae!! i saw ur anon earlier abt which characters u have reqs for rn and u mentioned not having any for tasm!peter, which i think is a crime, so i’m here to change that!

i looooved your marauders fic where reader came out as nonbinary (im enby myself) and i was wondering how that would go with peter? maybe during the stage where they both know they like each other, but haven’t officially started dating yet, and reader comes out to him as what they see as a “warning”. i’m openly enby but still present as very femme, so whenever there’s even an inkling of romance between me and a guy i’m always like “oh they dont know im enby. if i tell them they’re not gonna like me anymore, but also, this is who i am”. of course, no need to write this if you aren’t comfortable/not feeling inspired by it!! thank you love 🫶🏽🫶🏽

Hi gorgeous, thank you for requesting! I'm always a bit worried about these because I can only really try to imagine the enby experience from my outsider's perspective, so please lmk if there are any inaccuracies and/or insensitivities :)

tasm!Peter Parker x nb!reader ♡ 1.1k words

You’re constructing your lego flowers at about half Peter’s pace. Peter’s a whiz with everything, and you thought you were used to it, but the way he’s leaving you in his dust is borderline humiliating. He barely even has to look at the instructions, while you’re turning them over in your hands, glancing repeatedly between the paper and the small plastic pieces strewn between you on the couch.

It might have something to do with your lack of focus. Which might have something to do with Peter being in especially flirty form today.

It’s no secret that the two of you have feelings for each other. You have for a while, and you’ve both been aware of it for almost as long. Until today, neither of you seemed prepared to do anything about it. But something feels different. Maybe it’s the way he’s looking at you, quick glances through his lashes as he talks, or the way his friendly touches seem more intentional than usual, or the fact that he’d wanted to build lego flowers with you because he thought you’d like it, despite you never having exhibited any interest in legos in your life.

None of it is unwelcome. You want to enjoy it, but the escalation makes your palms sweat. It makes it seem like something is going to happen, some change, and you haven’t been honest with him yet. You feel like a time bomb. Or a mirage. Peter thinks he’s getting one thing with you, and then you lift the veil to reveal that you’re something else entirely. You feel like you have an obligation to clue him in before he makes any kind of move. And you’re scared of missing your window, but you have no idea when it’s passing.

“I think you’re missing this one.” Peter’s hand moves over your lap, depositing a lego piece.

You look up at him, returning his smile. “Thanks,” you say. “This is super unfair, by the way. You’ve got years of experience on me.”

“It’s not a competition,” he laughs, looking at you in that way again. Warm, sunny, and something else. He holds his finished product out to you, a plasticky snapdragon. “Here, add it to our bouquet.”

You take it from him compliantly, picking up the vase you’d dug out from your cabinet to hold the growing selection of plastic flowers. You can feel Peter’s eyes on you, and your hands shake a little as you arrange it among the others. If he puts on smooth jazz and starts lighting candles, you’ll bolt.

“You’re gonna have a whole collection by the time we’re done here,” he says, and you hum in affirmation. His smile fades a bit. “Are you hungry? I could make us some dinner.”

You aren’t, really, but you ought to be. You suspect your appetite’s just clogged up with nerves. “Sure, I could eat.”

Peter hops up, seeming happy to have something to do. “Okay, sick.” He starts going through cabinets, energy zinging off him in every direction. “We have frozen pizza! Or, uh, leftover thai food, or mac and cheese. Ooh, and we’ve got breadcrumbs! We could crust up the mac and cheese, if we’re feeling fancy.” He looks at you, raising his eyebrows comically high.

“We can be fancy,” you say, trying to imitate his teasing tone.

You don’t think you pull it off very well. Peter frowns and sets the boxed mac and cheese down on the counter.

“Hey, are you okay?” You must look startled, because he softens the question with a smile. “You just seem a little spacey today. Is…are you having fun?”

“I am,” you say, perhaps too quickly. Your voice is tinged with desperation. You try again, more sincerely. “I am, Pete. This is fun. I’m sorry, I’m just a little out of it.”

“That’s okay.” He makes his way back over to the couch, folding a leg underneath him as he sits. His eyes are earnest on yours. Reassuring, even though he doesn’t know what there is to reassure yet. “What’s eating you?”

You try to look casual, make your tone sound offhand. “Have I mentioned that I’m nonbinary?”

Peter blinks. “Uh, no. I don’t think so.”

“Oh.” You grin, shrugging. Every move you make feels stilted and embarrassing. “Well, I am. I’ve just been thinking I should make sure you knew, just in case you didn’t.”

“Okay.” He seems a bit stunned, but he hasn’t broken eye contact with you. And Peter’s not looking at you like he’s seeing through the veil. He’s looking at you the way he always has. “Are you—is this your way of trying to tell me that you want me to use different pronouns for you?”

“What?” you laugh. “No. I’m not trying to tell you anything, just…I like you, and I didn’t want to, like, trap you in anything if you didn’t know.” The levity saps from your tone as you go on, until your voice is painfully quiet. “I understand if you don’t like me anymore. It’s cool.”

“What?” Peter repeats you, but the delivery is off. He sounds gutted. “Why would you think that?”

You shrug. You’re doing your best to look normal, but your face is burning something awful.

“You’re not—” he shakes his head. “You’re not trapping me in anything. Sweetheart.” Peter surges into your corner of the couch, crowding you as much as hugging you. Mindless of the viscous little plastic pieces biting into his knees. He smells like laundry detergent. “Thank you for telling me,” he says, face an inch from your ear, “but it doesn’t change how I feel about you. Sorry to disappoint.”

You laugh, the sound embarrassingly choked. He rubs your back roughly.

“I can tell this is you just trying to get out of things,” he goes on with impressive lightness, “and I really hate to tell you this, but you’re stuck with me. We have a lego bouquet now. Those are binding.” You laugh again, and Peter’s voice drops to a more sincere register. “Thanks for telling me though, really.” He releases you, or partly, hands sliding down your shoulders to rest on the crooks of your elbows. “I like getting to know you. I’ll take whatever new material you want to give me.”

“Thanks,” you say softly. You muster your confidence, taking his forearms in your hands and giving them a friendly squeeze. “I didn’t realize the lego flowers were a contract, though. I think I may want to renegotiate my terms.”

Peter blows out a breath, shaking his head. “Sorry, can’t help you. There’s no backing out now.”

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gothhabiba · 1 year

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Hi! Really appreciate all your posts on gender and colonialism. If it's alright to ask, if white people use NB identity as a reaction to European gender ideology, is the "true" (as much as anything can be) rejection of colonialist gender to not adhere to a label at all but rather refuse classification? Apologies if I misinterpreted your point, and thank you for sharing your insights

I understand how you got here because this is the "making prescriptions for other people's behaviour" website but I am not making a prescription for anyone else's behaviour. I couldn't care any less how individual white people identify. Meaningful resistance to the colonial gender binary will have to occur in arenas other than that of personal identification; in fact, the fantasy of complete personal divestment from the colonial gender binary is a part of the tendency I'm trying to criticise here.

The other thing I'm criticising is a taxonomical view of gender—"taxonomical" here meaning "assuming that each identity label describes a unique, innate facet of the human experience that people merely attached a word to, rather than understanding categories as historically and culturally constructed." This taxonomical view of gender leads to the assumption that "nonbinary" is an innate, pre-discursive category to which some people ontologically (inherently, by virtue of their very being) belong—so you get people calling "pre-colonial," Indigenous, or Global South people or groups "nonbinary" despite the fact that they did not or do not understand gender this way.

Assuming the right to construct categories and subcategories, to decide how they are organised and nested, to sort people into groups according to these categories and subcategories regardless of whether they themselves have a different understanding of gender grounded in a different context—in short, assuming that these categories get to the "real truth" of human nature or something, such that you are doing no disservice to anyone in applying them to everyone—this is the colonial gender project. This is the logic that produces the gender binary as a tool of colonial domination in the first place.

My argument is that the imposition of any term or mode of understanding gender against and across Indigenous understandings of gender when referring to Indigenous peoples, the construction of any taxonomy of gender with the assertion that it is the One Correct Way to understand gender—the argument is that these things play out colonial logic, and thus the very gendered logic that they purport to resist. But an individual chusing to identify themself as nonbinary is not automatically imposing anything on anyone.

Again, I understand where you're coming from here, but I get this question a lot (really, every time I talk about gender and colonialism), and I think it's useful to ask why. Why should criticising certain modes of understanding, knowing, and imposing knowledge as colonial lead to a request that I clarify what I think this means for how individual white people identify? To be honest that's just not something that concerns or interests me.

#nonbinary #Anonymous #questions #gender #gender and colonialism

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genderqueerdykes · 1 year

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how can someone be a lesbian and a man at the same time? and a traswonan and transman too

hello! thanks for your question!

while people broadly interpret the term lesbian to mean 'woman who loves women', there is a far broader nuance to the identity and label that goes beyond a simple description.

lesbians have a nuanced and complicated experience with gender. butches and femmes both have unique experiences with gender and presentation. nobody likes to talk about us, but some butches *do* identify as men. there are a lot of trans men who start out in lesbian spaces because they are safer, and don't want to leave the community and live as lesbian men. drag kings also are often lesbians. genderfluid lesbians, polygender lesbians, multigender lesbians, genderqueer lesbians, all types of trans lesbians are lesbians regardless of whether or not they are men all the time, or part of the time

lesbians also have a complicated relationship with nonbinary identities and a lot of us find that we fit somewhere under that umbrella. many lesbians find that pushing the boundaries of gender and expression are necessary for survival. i would recommend reading stone butch blues by leslie feinberg to gain a better understanding of lesbians who live this way, or, you are free to visit my lesbian and dyke tags!

as for your second question, i am an intersex person, meaning i was not born with a body that fits into the strict "male" or "female" binary. after i hit puberty i was routinely told i wasn't a "real girl" by someone then told i wasn't a "real boy" by someone else. i was completely stripped of the ability to be gendered correctly by anyone because my body has such a strong mixture of both "masculine" and 'feminine' traits like growing a full beard, having broad shoulders, buff chest, flat breasts, big arms, etc. and an hourglass waist and long shapely legs, high pitched voice, etc.

i am trans "both" or sometimes trans 'everything' as i call myself. my ability to identify as a boy or a girl was completely taken away from me and i am resisting that actively every day. i am a boy and a girl! i'm some type of nonbinary creature, sure, but i am in fact a woman and a man at the same time, but i've had to fight and claw tooth and nail to be seen correctly due to things that weren't under my control.

HRT was kinda my big power move. after i get top surgery and find a good quality packer, i think people will finally understand me and how i identify, but basically, the answer is intersex people, and some other folks can live experiences that make it so they can be both transmasculine and transfeminine at the same time for a multitude of reasons. my experience is just one of many, but it is possible, and we exist!

hope that answers your question! if you need more help, feel free to ask again! take care, stay safe!

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tirfpikachu · 2 months

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my transmasc nonbinary ex said that they keep getting gendered as female when going out, especially now that they're off testosterone, and that they're not opposed to it per se but it just gets tiring to be called the same thing all the time and they wish people would switch it up every now and then (so they feel more validated as enby)

i remember what it was like when i had nonbinary dysphoria and it was almost like a game. like you want a good ratio of being gendered as male vs female. they were gendered as male for long enough for years that they got actually dysphoric from it, like they got miserable living 100% as male. so now they're in-between. they've had top surgery, they have stubble but always shave it and want to get laser for it (they don't enjoy anything they rly got from hrt afaik, they just "needed something to happen" and top surgery was taking a while to happen at the time). so they're androgynous, but they're hyperfixated on how others view them. it's obviously not what they always think about, but enough to notice and keep track. if they only get gendered as female that month they get uncomfortable. if they only get gendered as male another month they get uncomfortable. it must be so fucking annoying. it was for me, anyway. like never feeling satisfied w how others view you, bc what you want is basically impossible unless you were super dedicated every single day to curating your appearance to pass differently

sometimes i feel like telling them just be yourself, even cis ppl get misgendered, try to feel secure in yourself and all the other bullshit will fade away. strangers only take a quick glance at you and your sex characteristics. and if you have an afab-typical body outside of a flat chest, and you wear stylish clothes, and you're conventionally pretty... and have shaved your stubble... i mean yeah, ppl are gonna think you're afab, and they use the typical sex-based pronouns associated w that. it sucks though. nonbinary ppl, including me from back then, tend to daydream abt a world where ppl would just be able to tell they identified as nonbinary and used they/them or did the "oh miss... i mean sir! sorry" thing every time. they're seeking that rush of "omg i did the nb thing!!" even though they themselves will use she or he for others unless the person is alternative enough & androgynous enough where they cannot believe the person is at peace w their sex. they'll say all day long that nonbinary isn't a look or a behavior but they really go against that aaall the time!!! honestly often the word nonbinary is basically synonym with "androgynous" in how it's used, and other times as a nebulous identity based on the understanding that everyone has an inner womanly or manly feelings inside their head except for special enbies. some nonbinary ppl are androgynous, others genuinely for all intent and purposes are considered gender conforming in society. sometimes i think that's to the detriment of genuinely androgynous folks (nonbinary-identified or not) who face the blunt of anti-gnc hatred

honestly once i embraced being a female human life seemed kinda boring at first bc i didn't get those "omg i reached androgyny!!" rushes anymore. it's like the game was over bc i aligned w my sex as a neutral fact. and all that energy i had focused on gender stuff i now put towards just seeing myself as a human who happened to be female, and would be female no matter what, and no matter what ppl thought it doesn't change the body type i was born in. i'm just like any other female animal. it means absolutely nothing. ppl can think i'm a dude all the time and i just laugh it off bc i know what i am, it's like a funny little secret i have when i get misgendered. but trans ppl don't view it like that... i wonder, what if they desensitized themselves to misgendering and found security in themselves and confidence in their identity? even while still identifying as trans etc? what if they could learn to laugh too cuz they know what they are? i feel like that's what they should work on instead of changing the world around them and feeling bummed out everytime they don't win at gender

#lay text #research tag #my words #radfem #radblr

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starlightswordfight · 1 month

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rescue corps headcanons because I'm insane

(there are many)

– mirror pronouns pom

– that's all I got

– man!!

– Bernard started TALKING in this specific MANNER for the BIT years and years back and now he can't STOP he is STUCK someone HELP him

– he ALSO might be doing it to try to put EMPHASIS on the words he believes should have it and sometimes HE DOES not succeed

– he reads as ADHD coded to me but it might be because I also talk like that so take that with a grain of salt

– "HEY GIRL. I MEAN ANY PRONOUNS"

– Bernard had the most normal home life by far. No contest, won by default. I have a GREAT relationship with both of MY parents because they LOVE me

– he is incredibly observant. alarmingly so. will sometimes act out of the loop on purpose, if he thinks things would just be easier that way. accidentally learns everything about everyone, the guy's an information magnet and he doesn't know how to feel about that

– do you guys think Russ has made a spacesuit with the doc ock arms because I think he has and that he actively uses it on missions

– occasionally jumpscares people and giggles about it. he got the tendency to do this from his mother, who can smell fear

– while I doubt Russ would do things "for the bit" he would ABSOLUTELY act on impulse in the name of the scientific method. this has gotten him hurt before. it's fine

– does not make coffee he just eats the fucking grounds. "it's a Giyan thing, you wouldn't understand" this is not true at all he is LYING

– Russ and Yonny get into frequent arguments (light banter) about literally everything and I mean Everything. They could work together they'd be really powerful that way, but they don't

– Russ has so many genuinely funny science puns that he makes and no one ever gets them and it devastates him

– except for Yonny, who is too busy searching for ethics guideline loopholes to acknowledge that he understands the joke

– Yonny has the most HORRIFIC life stories and will drop them CASUALLY. thought they were funny, is only now beginning to realize that it does in fact make people concerned and uncomfortable when he does that

– prefers paper books to digital because he's prone to headaches!! cites "phone bad book good" as the official reason but that's not the reason

– nonbinary and evil. presentation tends to "default" as masc but switches up often! hey girl I mean any pronouns

– knows like a hundred million dead languages for absolutely no reason

– makes art in his spare time because murder is wrong

– Shepherd sleeps with a nightlight, or at the very least can't rest well in complete darkness!! she's just like me fr !!!!

– "she snores" thank you duncan for your contribution. honk shoe

– also I think she might be autistic I can't fully back that one up do not ask me to but look at her. she cares about dogs the way I care about fish

– prone to coming across the wrong way, tone wise. very very good at giving backhanded compliments that were meant to be fully sincere and just got horribly lost in translation. this keeps her up at night. she feels AWFUL

– big fan of karaoke!! not exactly GOOD at it but we love her initiative

– as afraid as she is of the pikmin, their voices and funny little words are very catchy and she does find herself repeating them often. she will not admit this. it is embarrassing

– Collin is also autistic. I could make an entire separate post on this I'm being so goddamn serious, I have so much reasoning, I am fully confident that he is, and that he masks REALLY hard, and it enormously fucked him up

– special interest in machinery (NO ONE saw THIS coming)

– transmasculine. his name is a pun on "call in." heard the phrase and realized he had the opportunity to do the funniest thing ever

– we only hear about his grandfather, and not even from him; no other family is mentioned at all!! went no contact with like everybody else, above points might be why. people with normal childhoods don't stand like that

– adding onto the canon sleep talking with sleep movement! a LOT of it! has probably kicked someone before!!

– "he wakes up upside down" thank you duncan

– i think maybe Dingo might still have glow stick light up bones. will rediscover this one day during an expedition mishap and it will be an Experience

– not a hc but Dingo is the type of guy to get bit in a zombie apocalypse and not tell anyone until the literal last second

– "he would also say "fuck my stupid baka life"" thank you duncan

– would fight by rolling up his sleeves and jumping around cartoonishly. he would more likely talk like he's winning the fight when he is in fact actively losing. "had enough yet? (on the floor)"

– definitely games and he wins the competitive ones by button mashing. "I'll never tell you my strategy" he prays that's the strategy

– his sleep schedule is NOT normal. it's so beyond skewed. he either gets like 2 hours of sleep or he wakes up the following night not knowing what year it is

#pikmin #pikmin 4 #pikmin headcanons #bernard pikmin #russ pikmin #yonny pikmin #shepherd pikmin #collin pikmin #dingo pikmin

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raavenb2619 · 8 months

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Does coming out lead to too much focus on labels?

(I don't really have a main thesis I'm trying to convince anyone of, I just had a thought and wondered what other people thought.)

When I had recently figured out I was ace/aro/nonbinary, I really cared about finding the right labels for me. And the aspec community in particular has so many unique perspectives and labels that you can apply to yourself. What kinds of attraction do you feel, how do you label your orientations and attractions, what model do you use to think about attraction, how do you think about relationships, how do you feel about sex/romance/relationships, etc. It was super eye opening to learn about lots of different terms, and different ways of thinking about things, and things I'd never even thought about or thought I even could think about, and I ended up applying lots of labels to myself.

But, it's been many years since then, and over time I've grown less interested in applying specific labels to myself. I'm still queer/ace/aro/trans/nonbinary/polyam, but I don't really use other labels. (And depending on the situation, I might end up omitting labels when vagaries work fine.) That's not to say that I don't have affinity with other labels, whether that's "I'm similar to what this label describes" or "this label provides an interesting perspective that I like", I just...don't use other labels to define my identity. If I'm comfortable enough talking about something that I could use a label for, I'll just describe my experiences directly, instead of saying "I'm [blank]".

And, I wonder if that shift from specificity to vagary has to do with coming out. For a young aroace like me, part of why coming out was so nerve-racking was that I felt like I had to prove that my identity was real, and having specific labels I could point to and say "look, this is real, I'm not making this up, other people are like this too" was super helpful. But, it's been many years since I've come out, and I'm more confident and know who I am, and that insecurity that I fought back with fistfuls of labels and well-rehearsed explanations is gone. (With the potential exception of QPR-related discussions, which feel kind of like coming out again; I might make a post about that some time if people are interested.)

Every time I've ever come out, or seen someone come out in real life or in media, it's always been "I'm [blank]", but I've never seen someone come out as "I'm not cis/straight". It's always a declaration that you are a specific thing, never a statement that you aren't something someone thought you were. I remember really wanting to make sure I knew exactly what I was and didn't come out as one thing and then change my labels later, because it would mean I'd have to come out again and it would be embarrassing that I got things wrong and maybe people would start to doubt me and not believe me when I said I was something in the future. But, people don't have to be a fixed, immutable set of labels forever; I'm comfortable with using vague labels for myself and letting myself be vague and nebulous and fluid without frantically trying to label every single part of myself. (And, in fact, I did technically get my labels slightly wrong the very first time I came out, and everything turned out okay in the end.)

So, maybe coming out puts an undue pressure on finding specific labels and making sure they're exactly right; maybe coming out should also be able to be "I'm not cis/straight". What do people think?

(This is not to say that specific labels are bad, because they can often be very helpful! Specific labels were helpful for me when I used them, and their existence can spark conversations and lead to new perspectives and learning. Even as I'm finding vagueness and nebulousness to be better for me right now than specific detailed labels, other people can be finding that specific detailed labels give them a sense of belonging and community and identity. But, I still wonder if coming out placed an undue burden on younger me to find all the right labels when vagueness could have worked just as well.)

#i had a random thought and i decided that i should post it and see if people had thoughts #gonna try to do this more i think #since i randomly have queer thoughts that i'd be interested to discuss with others #my thoughts #queer #lgbtq #original #aspec #aro #ace #aromantic #asexual #nonbinary #trans #enby #transgender

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transmascissues · 6 months

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Hey hope you're feeling better and getting lots of affection. I would like some advice if youre up for it? I'm going to be getting no nipp top surgery in two months and am having a hard time finding pictures to show my surgeon what I want. What was your process like? Did you collect pictures of other people's no nip top surgeries? If so, where did you find them? Thank!

i personally didn't have to show my surgeon pictures because the fact that she already had experience doing that kind of top surgery was actually one of the reasons i picked her, but i do know of a few places you could look for pictures!

i would absolutely recommend checking out the subreddit r/FreedTheNips for pictures and honestly anything else regarding people's experiences with no-nip top surgery. it's dedicated to sharing pictures of and information about top surgery without nipples, and there are a ton of people sharing their post-op pictures on there, so you're pretty much guaranteed to find at least a few that match the kind of results you're looking for.

you could also check out Transbucket, a website where a lot of people share their surgery results. there are a few filters you can use to find people who have gotten top surgery without nipples – the ones i'm seeing just looking at it now are "bilateral mastectomy with chest wall reconstruction and no nipple retention" and "double incision without grafts".

some surgeons also have before and after photos on their websites, so you could check out a few surgeons' websites and see if they have and before and after photos of results without nipples. my surgeon's website has a few pictures like that. the gender confirmation center also has some; you just have to scroll through for a bit to find them because they're not separated out from the others. the same goes for align surgical associates, though it seems like filtering by "nonbinary top surgery" brings at least a few of the no-nipple photos to the top. i'm sure there are others, but those are the ones i could find from a quick search.

between those three places, i think you should definitely have enough of a selection to find some pictures that match your body type and desired results pretty well!

#ask answered #top surgery

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wildissylupus · 12 days

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aging DVa and Lucio down, huh? Will there be others on the team that dont get ages changed?? Cuz the only 18 year old left then is Illari. Could see Junkrat, Tracer, and Venture being out the team. I don't think there have been any nonbinary power rangers on screen yet sadly.

Actually I am basing this AU off of fan made skins;

Meaning the rangers themselves are Cassidy, Genji, Pharah, Lucio and Dva. The specific reason I wanted to age Dva and Lucio down was because I didn't want to just follow one Power Rangers storyline, I wanted to do an amalgamation of the ones I grew up with. Which was a lot since I was obsessed with Power Rangers growing up.

But basically with this team I wanted a mix of the adult Ranger experience that we see in some iterations while we get the teen experience like in other iterations with Lucio and Dva. There is also the little fact of me using some of my own headcanons to add to the characters in this AU, specifically Cassidy and Dva having a father/daughter relationship in canon being translated into her being his adopted daughter in this AU. So, out of the Rangers, I'm just changing Lucio and Hana's age.

HOWEVER, that doesn't mean you bring up an excellent point. I will probably age down some other characters to fill out the school setting and give Lucio and Hana stuff to do in their down time. Maybe even make them some rangers who join the team later on later on. So thank you for bringing this up!!

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genderkoolaid · 10 months

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As an AMAB non-cis person, is it normal for me to culpabilize about everything that is happening to transmasculine folks and non-AMAB trans folks in general? (Including intersex people)

I've started to think that my identity is worth less because of this oppression dynamic, but at the same time I don't want to end up doing AGAB-based essentialism. I'm really sorry we ruined trans spaces for y'all :(

Absolutely not! Your identity is not worthless and you are not to blame. Y'all have not ruined trans spaces- in fact, since starting this blog I have gotten to meet so many really cool, lovely transfems and nonbinary people assigned male who have made these discussions so much richer!

The root problem is absolutely not trans people who were AMAB. It is that we, trans* people, are an oppressed group who live under constant stress and the threat of terror. We are raised in a culture that degrades all of us in unique ways. Which means there is a lot of hurt people with ingrained biases, and we don't have the power to lash out at those with actual power over us, so we lash out at each other and pretend like we're punching up.

That is why I support transunity's fundamental statements that all of our oppressions are interconnected, none of us have gendered privilege over others, and we need to discuss our issues and how we hurt and have been hurt by other trans* people.

Please do not feel like you have to take on any guilt because of anti-transmasculinity in trans* spaces. Transmasculine people themselves, in my experience, are often aggressively anti-transmasculine towards other transmascs because of how anti-transmasculinity is taught to all of us. Your identity is good and I am very happy to share a community with you.

#m.#ask box

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boreal-sea · 10 months

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You know what?

I just figured something out and I'm sure other people figured it out a long time before me but I have a lot to say so here we go.

Set-up:

Idea 1: So awhile back there was an absolutely fantastic post on here about how Christianity attempts to market itself as "modular" - that you can totally keep being whatever culture you are, but just swap out your current religion for Christianity and go! The post was about how this is complete nonsense, because in most cultures, religion is part of the culture, and the two are not separate concepts from each other.

Idea 2: I have repeatedly said that I find the concept of gender abolition (particularly how radfems discuss it) to be unpalatable, and one of the main reasons is that I look around the world and see how beautiful gender expression and gender performance can be, and I find the idea of eradicating all of that to be quite dystopian. I use the term gender liberation, not abolition.

Synthesis:

Gender identity and gender expression are not modular, and in fact are integral parts of culture, and can't be separated from culture. Your gender identity is part of your cultural identity.

The way I am nonbinary and butch and transmasc and becoming Jewish is not the same way a Burmese person (for a random example) would be nonbinary and butch and transmasc. They may not use the same words! They may conceive of their gender identity in a completely different way from me and how they move through the world is going to be totally different. The ways they express genderqueerness is going to be totally different from how I do it.

And that's beautiful.

And I think this is how I come full circle in my ability to articulate my disgust with radfems who want to not only eradicate gender, but who want to eradicate entire cultures and religions in their twisted vision of "female liberation". Not only are they pro-cultural genocide, they're pro-erasure of identity.

I think about cultural diversity, the beauty and freedom of personal expression, the joy of presenting in a way that not only connects you to your gender identity, but to your people and your community. Feeling at home in your body and your community in a way that brings you pride, gender expression as a form of cultural celebration...

And radfems want to kill that.

#anti radfem #anti gender critical #gender liberation

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