#one is out of amazement and the other is from extreme grief

[okiroash]

I still love ghost trick,, I'm just taking a bit of a break from it since my mind and hand been itching to rot on something else 💥💥 (still having soft feelings towards the ghost trick guy..)

if you love rpgmaker horror games.. totally check out end roll,, IT'S FREE!!!!! (manlybadasshero also made a playthrough of it, if you want to watch)

#both of these games are ripping my heart out #one is out of amazement and the other is from extreme grief #a game so sad the person have to put “this game's depressing as hell and it will continue on a downward spiral” in the warning #and yes. I can say that's the truth.. everything HURTS #come join in the pain with me #💭...

[kaaaaaaarf]

Hey you, I'm here for Wolfstar raising harry recommendations 🤗

Hello!! I'm also going to tag @imsiriuslyreading because I know Lana was also looking for some recs!

This is by no means a comprehensive list, but these are some of my very favs:

Wolfstar Raising Harry

Ten Reasons (To Go To Michigan) by @greyeyedmonster-18 (I also love these two unrelated wolfstar raising harry microfics by the same author) — This is a Sirius raising Harry and meeting recently divorced Remus (who happens to be a writer) on the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. A must read! that's the art of getting by by sarewolf — Remus becomes Harry's guardian and they move to a muggle village in the middle of nowhere. Eventually, Sirius is freed and comes to stay with them, but can they get back what they once had? Honestly, majorly obsessed with this one, but watch out for the angst! Stealing Harry by copperbadge — In an alternate universe where Sirius Black never went to Azkaban, Harry divides his life between the Dursleys' house and Mr. Black's bookshop -- until Sirius realises what the Dursleys are doing to him, and takes him away from their care. This series is fucking amazing and actually spans several of the books!! Mr Mouse by TracingPatterns (which continues in their wolfstar raising harry series) — A lovely little piece in which a young Harry learns about grief.

Like Real People Do by third_crow (part of the coffee shop au series) — Sirius raising Harry, when he starts falling for local barista Remus Lupin. This is also a beautiful story about what it's like to live with epilepsy and I am extremely obsessed with this series. The Things I Did by Lolo_row — canon compliant, Remus gets custody of Harry and works to get Sirius out of Azkaban. A bit of angst, but tasty! the dogfather au by hollimichele — Harry was raised by his adoptive muggle family, when one day a big black dog shows up. His parents just thinks he's a stray, and Padfoot becomes the family pet (to keep an eye on Harry, and protect him from Voldemort). Eventually this morphs into Remus also coming into the picture.

Wolfstar Raising Teddy

the mayors of simpleton by @fruityindividual — Divorced wolfstar are co-parenting a very mischievious Teddy who is not about to let his dads stay divorced!! Honestly this fic is so funny, so heartfelt, so fucking lovely. It also features the most beautiful portrayal of a blind character that I ever seen. A must read! Of Memories and Milk Thievery by @mayescapade — Divorced wolfstar raising Teddy again! Wolfstar have been co-parents for years and they wont stop terrorizing/pranking one another. An Infinte Ocean by orphan_account — Single dad Remus. Remus Lupin knows two things--working and caring for his son, Teddy. When his babysitter sets up crowdfunding so Teddy can go swim with the sea turtles at the local animal rescue, Remus doesn't realise how completely their life is going to change. Especially when he meets Sirius Black, the weekend merman in the aquatic show, and someone who might convince him of love at first sight. Honestly a lovely piece, and it also features the Potter clan.

Other (raising both teddy and harry, wolfstar girldads)

Let's Play Pretend by MsAlexWP — My current obsession!! I can't tell you how many times I've read this. Single parent Remus and single parent Sirius meet at a play date and end up pretend dating so that the old women in Sirius' building (who basically stalk him) will stop trying to set him up. Neither of them can date at the moment, so what could possibly go wrong?? Ultimate comfort fic. Of Quiet Hearts And Thundering Dreams by TracingPatterns — This is single parent Sirius and single parent Remus, both having moved to a small village and meeting at Harry & Teddy's school. A Cup of Sugar by MsAlexWP — Again, they are both single parents. Harry Potter is recovering from surgery and facing the worst summer ever until a guy with the same crutches as Harry moves in across the street with his son. So lovely!! Hide-and-Seek by onehundredflamingos — Wolfstar girldads raising their adoptive daughter Cassie, who is also a werewolf. This is the story of her first transformation. It's soooo sweet! @industrations has done a bunch of wolfstar and Cassie art, which you should absolutely go and cry over!

For supplementary material, feel free to check out my Wolfstar Raising Harry, Wolfstar Raising Teddy and Wolfstar Girldads tags!

#it's maybe one of my fav genres #wolfstar raising teddy #wolfstar raising harry #wolfstar girldads #wolfstar #fic recs

[lizzaneia-elizalde]

curious for all the student/university/studying yans: jock damon, ex bf lee, delinquent liam, bully uno and college student alpheus..

if darling got a scholarship outside the country and they accept it, how would these yans react? can they handle a ldr? would they come along? or would they prevent darling from leaving?

(minus bimbo/himbo darling from twinkie ashtons fic jadkshdkdg sorry </3)

Yandere students and their scholarship earning darling

aww this is kind of sad actually. Of course, all of them would be devastated but let's see.

YAN! JOCK

Damon will be a wreck inside.

"Oh shit... Really? Uh, congrats!"

He'll be happy for you of course. His little nerd is actually getting a scholarship? That's huge! But then... What do you mean you have to get out of the country? He can feel his resolve crack, and it's going to be the first time you see his real side. Staring at you with a blank, all devouring stare.

Thinking of the worst, he will sabotage your scholarship. Don't get him wrong, he will feel guilty about it since you worked hard on that scholarship. But out of the country? No fucking way. He's quite selfish too, so he didn't even think of applying for a scholarship there too because the University he's in has given him so much opportunities to pass on.

You'll just be surprised one day that your scholarship was canceled due to a "mismatch" of interest. Don't worry, he'll be there with you to comfort you. Oh! Will you look at that! This University both of you are attending gave you a full scholarship! How amazing and coincidental it is, right?

YAN! EX-BOYFRIEND

He just got you back.

And now you're leaving him again?

"Babe, what the fuck?"

He will be extremely hurt. Have you never thought of him at all? You two just fixed your relationship again and here you are, telling him that you got to move to another country just to do this damn scholarship. He went through grief, and now he's gonna go through another one.

You know the drill. This man isn't letting you go. But rather than hiding his disdain like Damon, he'll cling to you and cry, exclaiming to not go or else he'll kidnap you again. Well, that shut you up and gave up scholarship. He's also very selfish as you can see.

If you did refuse to do so, then another trip (locked inside) to his bedroom once more until you relent and give up that scholarship :( He'll be happy as a bee, and he will be extra clingy so you would just forgive him in what he did.

YAN! DELINQUENT

Liam is the rare one in this.

He'll be happy to let you go to the scholarship that you got!

After all, you got that damn scholarship just for yourself. If it made you happy, why won't he let you? He's gonna be the asshole in this situation if he didn't let you. He's more than happy to let you go (for now) and let you pursue what you want.

What you don't know is other than the tracking device on your phone, him learning how to hack and monitor you from your phone camera due to some shady connections, he's the one to manipulate the University you're going to go in giving you the scholarship. Mind you, he didn't exactly threaten them, but when he has close connections to... Let's say, Hades' mafia clan, it's not that hard to do :) (OOOH NEW LORE CONNECTION OH MY LORD)

After all, he's just working student! And if his father and mother are high ranking members in Hades' clan, he will use that connection for your happiness <3

YAN! BULLY

Uno would scoff and roll his eyes.

"Of course you would be the type to get a scholarship outside of our University."

As if mocking you, he at first teased you about it. Saying that you're such a nerd and he will be sad if you actually went away. In reality, he's seething inside. He already knows beforehand that you got that scholarship. He's too invested (he's stalking you) on you to not know the things you're up to. And the fact that he's also having a hard time manipulating the inside of the University you're going in is irking him to the bones.

But, once he's got you in the airport and is already on boarding, he'll be next to you, whistling like the dog he is. If you ask him, he'll smirk and show you his phone. He also got in. Oopsies, it seems that you have to be with him even in the new University. Now, how will the both of you terrorize this new place?

YAN! COLLEGE STUDENT

Another day, another emotion/feeling for this man.

"C-congrats... Babe..."

Oh, you don't like the look he has in his face. You know another problem is going to arise.

The few days after that was calm. It seems that he's okay with it, amazingly. Until one day you just found yourself cuffed to his bedpost. You swore you were just hanging out with Alpheus in his house, waiting to eat the food he's cooking, drinking the iced tea... Okay that was too obvious and you still fell for it.

But you pity the guy. He's dealing with what's akin to grief. It was the first time he felt this pit he seem to can't get out off, and it's suffocating him raw. You'll see tears for the first time, and you have to comfort him. With his face buried on your stomach as he knelt by the bed, with you sitting on the edge and stroking his hair, you had to explain to him what that feeling is.

Then when he gets better, surprise surprise, he also got a scholarship (rigged) at the same University as you! How delightful.

#lizzaneiaelizalde #yandere writing #tw yandere #yandere male #yandere imagines #yandere boyfriend #yandere x darling #male yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere fic

[itsabouttimex2]

Hello there! could we see a prequel of when platonic yandere Erasermic first saw Cloud quirk reader! I feel like the reader wouldn't exactily look like oboro, but then seeing that quirk and having that energetic personality would send the memories of oboro back into there mind

These two mourn Oboro to this day. It’s a major part of both of their characters, woven into their beings. They won’t move on. They can’t forget. So when they see you, something kind of cracks inside them.

Aizawa pauses, and just… stares. His chest tightens painfully, as a deluge of long-buried memories gnaw at his mind. It’s easy to that he’d be the strong one, the stoic one. But he isn’t. He’s a broken man long burdened by grief. It’s clear he hasn’t managed to move on from losing Oboro in the slightest.

However, Hizashi was able to healthily move on to some degree and become a teacher, a DJ, a radio host, a hero. Sure, it’s possible that he uses his exuberance to cope with grief or to draw Aizawa out of his worst moments, but he stills manages to be sunny and bright. All the same, he possesses a well-hidden ruthlessness and an extremely powerful Quirk that he’s not afraid to use. The moment he stops smiling, it’s probably time to run and hide, because something is terribly wrong.

And when he sees you, he stops smiling. There’s a moment where his larger than life personality and cheery disposition both slip, leaving him in a rare state of shocked silence. Hizashi just stands and watches, eyes going wide behind his concealing sunglasses. His gangly arms drop to his sides, his every bit of attention focused on staring you down.

Maybe it’s some kind of cruel joke. Maybe he’s been hit by a Quirk, creating a tailored distraction to keep him from noticing an approaching foe. Maybe he’s just seeing things. But no, he isn’t. You’re real, with his personality and Quirk.

———————————————————————

“Oboro…,” Aizawa mumbles to himself, caught in a similar state to his loudmouth friend. His bloodshot eyes catch on your smile, watching as you chat with a friend. The two of you walk side by side, trails of vapor and fog drifting from your fingertips as you show off your Quirk. Your friend laughs in amazement, watching in awe as the clouds shift into different shapes and figures, bending perfectly to your will.

Once, Oboro had done the same for him. Whenever Aizawa seemed down, he’d whip up a cloud and shape it into the cutest kitten he could manage, often ending up with a horrifically disfigured mess that had his friend stifling a smile.

Words catch in his throat. He can barely think straight. It feels like he can’t even stand.

He stumbles through the halls, making the short trip to his classroom, still empty. He snatches his phone from his pocket, fumbling with it until he has his loud-mouthed on the other end.

“You saw them. I know you did. Why didn’t you… why didn’t you warn me?”

A loud sigh from the other end. “Sorry, Sho. The kid’s in class 1-B, so I figured I’d get the chance to tell you in person. Didn’t think you’d run into them so soon.”

He desperately racks his brain for something to say, some way to respond. Hizashi beats him to it.

“Actually, Nemuri learned before me, and didn’t say a word either. I think she’s a little broken up too, honestly. Least we’re not alone, right?”

At least they’re not alone. Aizawa would agree, but can’t manage to swallow the lump in his throat. He just holds the phone to his ear, wondering if it was a blessing or curse that you didn’t get put in his class.

“They seem like a good kid, Sho. I’m gonna keep an eye out for them.”

“So they don’t end up like Oboro” is the unspoken second half of that last sentence. Voicing it out loud makes it a legitimate fear. Leaving it vague means the image stays vague, the fear stays vague. Just an uncanny feeling of potential danger, rather than outright fear for a child’s mortality.

“You know what, Mic? I think I’ll keep an eye out for the kid too.”

Because he can’t bring himself to relive that scene ever again a child shouldn’t have to worry about getting hurt at UA.

So they’ll look out for you. Nothing strange about it. Nothing serious, no cause for alarm.

Not yet.

#Platonic Yandere #yandere mha #yandere erasermic #yandere shota aizawa #shota aizawa #yandere hizashi yamada #hizashi yamada

[kadextra]

having many thoughts about “you have only seen me when I’m crazy” because. yeah

q!Bagi doesn’t have the frame of reference everyone else does. she never knew q!Bad when he was red colored, and the responsible calm egg babysitter. she isn’t aware of how drastic this shift in him is. yet this new island arrival is SUPER worried for him, even more than the islanders who knew him before and got to watch his descent into madness in real-time. there can be multiple reasons for that

all the islanders have a prior perspective of q!Bad being the person who they rely on to help with anything. even if they see him going kinda crazy exploding mines & the changes of his appearance, this is q!Bad we’re talking about! the resident capable & put together guy, he always helps so they may think he knows how to handle it.

and you bet they have so much faith he will recover from… whatever is happening to him, as he always does from any difficult situation. this faith is why they have always trusted q!Bad with the lives of their kids. just gotta give it some time, because everything will be okay once the eggs return, right? (nobody knows the extent of the damage and the lines he crossed. he will have severe consequences)

the majority don’t continue prodding q!Bad with questions when he puts on the denial mask and starts lying to their faces, because they are also doing the same thing. everyone is going through their own unique sorrow, pain & self-isolation arc rn, so the focus/energy in worrying for others is kinda dulled… it’s understandable. the entire island is experiencing grief, so they accept q!Bad is too and don’t bug him much. however, even if they aren’t in the trenches always pushing him for answers, there’s still many people (like forever, baghera, etoiles) who are keeping a watchful eye on his declining condition. <3

q!Bagi is a very different situation though. “you have only seen me when I’m crazy” he’s right. Bagi is the only person on the island to have this unique perspective & understanding of q!Bad. she lacks all of the points above: doesn’t see him as the reliable guy, has no reason to put extreme faith in him, and isn’t emotionally damaged from grief. arriving with nothing, she sees the facts presented in front of her- a kind person she has spent lots of time with and considers her best friend, who is spiraling out of control and needs help.

it’s amazing how quick she adapted to his behavior and doesn’t accept his lies. Bagi is an investigator at heart and puts hard pressure on him to open up, the only other person doing that is q!Foolish. she doesn’t believe Bad is in a state that can be easily recovered from, rather that he is getting worse, and is scared that one day it’ll become too late and he will literally fade away if no action is taken. so she has been running around with urgency, catching onto any piece of relevant info about the eggs, his condition, anything she can use to help him ASAP.

…I want to really stress again how she has never known a version of q!Bad that isn’t flawed and broken. but she still sincerely says “I care about you and will do everything in my power to help you.” and that’s just. ough :(

of course q!Bagi would be the only person who he openly admits not being okay to <3

#i am brainrotting so hard about this duo i Love them #qsmp #qsmp bagi #qsmp badboyhalo #qsmp character analysis #long post #text post #q!bagi you are so dear to me #dang this post is lots of words but ig that’s how it happens sometimes #madrugaduo

[betterthanyalls]

For the Amazing Digital Circus request.

Everyone's reaction to the reader somehow comes back being abstracted or recovering enough to not be considered abstracted.

Don't have to do this if you don't want to!

Ooooo great idea! Sorry this is so late btw!

Words: 529

Published: 10/19/2023

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TADC Characters headcanons if you abstracted

Caine:

He is shocked

You were one of the most, if not the most, mentally stable character

So when you abstracted, he was flabbergasted 

He had also grown quite fond of you

When he dropped you in the abstracted hole (idk what its called), he was extremely disappointed

But since he is an Ai, he didn’t linger on it too much

Oddly enough for an Ai, he never felt complete without you

Bubble:

Unfazed

Maybe misses you ever so slightly

Other than that, bro’s mood is the exact same

Kinger:

To say he is confused and lost is an understatement

Kinger already lost Queener, now losing you too?

He can’t handle it

He gets quieter than before

He will start forgetting daily things around him

He will also stop noticing things even more, to concerning extremes

Might start abstracting

Gangle:

No more comedy mask

She basically gives up once you’re gone

She doesn’t even try to fix her mask

You always helped her with her masks and always protected them when you could

But now, the mask was only a reminder of you. A reminder she didn’t want.

Zooble:

They miss you, a lot.

They toughen up their exterior 

Tries to act unbothered by it, but they miss you

Doesn't want the others to know they miss you

Might isolate themselves for a while

 Ragatha:

She is hit the absolute hardest out of everyone 

You were the most understanding and closest to her

She is desperate to find a way to get you back

Trying absolutely everything to convince Caine to heal you. But he can’t

She isolates herself now

She has no intention of ever being herself again

She knows you’d want her to keep going and be strong, but she can’t 

It’s too difficult to live without you

She begins to go insane herself and abstract

If you can’t be with the sane and her, she will be with the insane and you

Pomni:

Girl just got there and was instantly friends with you

Now you're gone?

She is so confused and lost like Kinger

She never talks now

She always has that 100 yard stare

She will never focus to anyone around her and she doesn’t even try to go back to normal

She usually just sits in her room, curled up into a ball in the corner, not moving other than slight trembles

Jax:

I don’t even know how to describe him

He is like Zooble

He toughens up and stops showing emotions

His meanness either doubles from his grief, or is cut down from his grief. No in between

He is just lost without you

He pretends you never meant anything to him. 

Spoiler, you meant everything to him.

He zones out a lot

As much as he hates to admit it, he felt so much happier with you

You made him feel emotions that he had buried for years.

And now those emotions are buried again.

He would open up to you, now he felt stupid for doing it because whenever he thought of his feelings, he thought of you

He thought of you constantly

He doesn’t know what to do without you

#angst #headcanon #tadc x reader #tadc

[chosospradaboots]

in my opinion choso kamo is the best character in the hit series jujitsu kaisen. he is a very lovable character with an amazing personality, interesting lore, and peak character design. as a death womb painting choso is half cursed spirit and half human. even tho he is half curse his body is made of flesh and blood so even non jujitsu sorcerers can see him. chosos father was kenjaku inside of the kamo clan ancestor noritoshi kamo. choso has a DEEP hate for his father due to him hurting his mother and family. in the shibuya arc when choso sees kenjaku in suguru getos body he immidetly yells “ KAMO NORITOSHI” wich confuses the current day kamo noritoshi. choso immidetly runs at kenjaku like it’s literally ON SIGHT. choso ends up being frozen by but he still was goated. choso kamo also has an amazing personality. he tends to be more quiet and reserved, normally having a bored/sleepy expression on his face. he tends to try to fade into the background of social groups. in the disaster curse group he was the most quiet and reserved one. despite being very calm and stiff he also gets very emotional as seen in the shibuya breakdown scene , the bar date with yuki , and yukis death. my theory is he holds stuff in until he just kinda snaps. with the shibuya breakdown he just snapped and lost it after he realized yuji itadori is his long lost younger brother. before that he was previously dealing with the grief of his other 2 younger brothers ( choso kamo is EXTREMELY close and protective of his younger her brothers) and you can only imagine how he fealt finding out he killed his long lost younger brother without knowing it. luckily sukuna healed yujis body when he gained control of the body. choso then immidetly changed sides when he found out yuji was his brother. choso also shows extreme emotional distraught about wondering if he’s human enough. he found comfort in that from tsumumo yuki. she provided him reassurance and told him he was human enough. her dying words where even telling him that he is not a curse and he is a human. chosos cursed teqnique is blood manipulation. he had mastered blood manipulation unlike the other blood manipulator, noritoshi kamo. a theory about this i really like is that the reason choso was able to master it was because he is close to his family. noritoshi has troubles with his family and clan, especially sense his mother left and he had to listen to everyone around him call her a whore and other derogatory terms like that. meanwhile choso is very close to his family and has very tight bonds with his brothers. family is blood , blood = blood manipulation. choso also would naturally be more talented tho because he is 150 years old. during his time alive he was also able to become very skilled and master hand to hand combat wich he shows in multiple fights. some of my favorite are the choso vs yuji fight and the choso vs naoya fight. i’m very excited to see more of choso in the upcoming seasons of the anime.

#choso #jjk #jjk choso #choso kamo #character rant #character analysis #jujutsu kaisen #choso my beloved #jujutsu kaisen choso

[queersouthasian]

Now that pit babe is over, going back to rewatch the show and seeing babe push Charlie around 'cause Way can't keep his fucking hands to himself and is continuously manipulating him (the hypnotism thing becomes too obvious with every rewatch ngl) , especially that scene where Babe comes home drunk and distressed, pushing Charlie away saying "you are only a sex partner", this with the scene of Way asking who Charlie was and him saying the same but with the "What a person like me can be?" breaks my heart to fragments. I have mentioned before how Babe is loud in pain and silent in love exactly how Charlie is the damn opposite. So, babe's pain is very prevalent but Charlie's is so subtle. Charlie saying that he can't tell who he and jeff are but they are definitely not fucking is like an open reminder that he desperately was trying to protect two people, his brother and his lover. He looked like a kicked puppy everytime Babe pushed him away, he looked so broken and then the next moment he is smiling. UGHHHH. I cry thinking about how Charlie believed for years he doesn't deserve love 'cause he is way too basic, he is replaceable and someone who can never be anyone's priority. On top of that he takes away people's powers, something not under his control, making him "threatening", thus unlovable. No wonder Charlie didn't expect Babe to mourn his death to the extent he did. Charlie knew Babe would be sad, but "sad" is an understatement to what babe went through during their seperation and how desperately babe denied the death. Charlie never once imagined this to be to that extent. So jeff confirming that Babe was "as sad as" Charlie was, was a direct punch to his face. He was not happy, he was devastated that he hurt babe. There are so many moments where we can see another side to Charlie. His insecurities. In ep 7 when Babe denies Charlie giving up his life and they hug, Charlie has such a gentle look on his face:

He looks so relaxed, a "oh he loves me".

Seeing Charlie being so happy during the reunion made me so so glad they found each other 'cause Babe loves him beyond every boundary, every restriction loving Charlie has been posed. No one ever really loved and cared about Charlie so much. Charlie has to be someone so important to babe for him to enter his abuser's home, working with his assaulter to take down his abuser 'cause how dare he hurt Charlie, his beloved (such a wild sentence my god). No one ever has done 1% of what Babe did for Charlie. Not only this but all the times Babe pushing Charlie away from the face of danger 'cause Charlie's life matters, to him more than anyone.

What actually makes me so happy about CharlieBabe's ending is that, we came around a full circle. Charlie thought he is worthless and the only thing he can offer is care, affection, protection and most importantly love. But in our world, how many people actually care about that? How many will appreciate your love? People even in real life think, love is cringe or something that leads to nothing. Whereas Babe created his "Pit Babe" reputation 'cause that helped him gain attention and love, albeit false and mostly sugar coated but atleast he got cheers and he was so damn scared of those cheers dying down 'cause he was so so starved of affection that loosing his first place meant his life would come to an end. At the end, he ended up really not caring about either his powers or his first place. He only cared about one person, Charlie. Charlie who loved him and loved him like no other. Babe knows no one can love him like Charlie can, like Charlie does. His love is insane in all ways, extremely transparent and only for him to see through. Charlie's ability to love him to the extent he does, the way he does, always left him surprised. He didn't voice it out, but you could see how he always looked so amazed that someone like Charlie, someone so genuine and selfless can love him, that he ever really doubted him. All of which makes his grief and the "I am sorry I always talked bad to you" during ep 10 more painful. He didn't get the chance to let him know how much he meant to him, he thought he made Charlie think the love and protectiveness is one sided. So Babe saying "I love you like I have never loved before, Understood?" Is so damn beautiful, 'cause we finally see Babe telling Charlie, in bold fonts, that he has never experienced love like the love he has for Charlie. Romantic or Platonic, the love he has for his beloved is the most and Charlie is not just his no. 1 lover, he is his sole lover and no.1 in general. The entire journey of Charlie, going from " what a person like me can be?" TO Babe's only priority, his "phi babe" 's only lover and the audience's beloved Charlie is just way too much for my heart.

#lgbtq #bl drama #pit babe the series #I find it extremely poetic #how when Charlie thought he was unimportant #he became exactly the opposite #for both babe #and us #the audience #charlie x babe

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for...

~*~

1. ITMF: Just finished ShanaStoryteller's "By Any Other Name" where resurrected WWX pretends to be a woman, and it's put me in the mood for fic where he is actually resurrected as a woman but, here's the key: he's hamstrung by the extremely patriarchal society he's in. The few fic I've read that have him in a woman's body usually hand wave over that but I'd love to read a fic that doesn't. Anything like that out there??? @kimboo-york

To Deserve So Much More by renysen (locked to archive) (T, 20k, wangxian, summoned by f!oc, getting together, Mojo’s post) has WWX resurrected by the youngest daughter of a non-cultivating family and deals with several issues of him being a woman as a result.

~*~

2. do you know any fics that explore what happens if yzy lives past the wen attack on lp? wwx blamed himself enough without her active vitriol so i'd love to read how her survival would impact the yunmeng trio (esp wwx) and/or the war. thank you!

💖  Lessons relearned by Iamnotawriter (T, 44k, WangXian, LQR & WWX, Not Madam Yu Friendly, Time Travel Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Inventor WWX, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, No Golden Core Transfer, YZY Bashing) has YZY surviving the fall of LP & has stuff about how her leadership is different from JC

Yearning for Miles by Murahi (M, 378k, WangXian, LQR/SiSi, Canon Divergence, Angst, Fluff, Slow burn, Mutual Pining, seeing the future) has YZY surviving IIRC (it's been a while since I read it & I bailed partway through so idk how it goes) & the tags mention YZY redemption

~*~

3. hi ! in the mood for fics (canon) that feature wangxian and lan sizhui ! it doesn’t need to be about them as parents, although it definitely can, but just having them (especially lwj) act parental or acknowledged as parents or exist as a family unit would be much appreciated, kind of like “Crack me open, pour you out” by tenillypo. basically any parental canon wangxian (even just featured) would be amazing thank you !! @willesnelson

to the act of making noise by words-writ-in-starlight (WordsWritInStarlight) (G, 19k, LSZ & LWJ, LSZ & WWX, wangxian, Grief/Mourning, Father-Son Relationship, inquiry, Music, Angst, Fluff, Found Family, podfic available)

kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight by AlfAlfAlfAlfAlf, tardigradeschool (T, 75k, WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Eventual Happy Ending, Getting Together, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Inspired by The Parent Trap (1998), Kid Fic, teen shenanigans, two a-yuans, Fluff and Angst) it's set in canon times however its def an AU storyline but you get a lot of family feels

Finding Balance Series by Zombubble (G/T, 117k, WangXian, Character Study, Canon Compliant, Mentions of Blood, Mentions of Violence, Mentions of Death, Grief, But only a little, Nightmare, Canon-Typical Violence, within a nightmare, injuries, Underage Drinking, Light Angst, Happy Ending, JC Being an Asshole, but not too bad, Anxiety, Grief/Mourning, Self-Reflection, Conflict Resolution, Internal Conflict, lots of talking, Lots of Thinking, LSZ-centric, Soft LQR, Sort Of, Collective Bargaining, LSZ accidentally incites a mini off-screen rebellion, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Angst with a Happy Ending, Post-Canon, mild panic attack) not sure if its quite what #3 is asking (most recent itmf post) but there's a post-canon sizhui-centric series about sizhui coming to terms with remembering he's a wen and stuff, and the last two in the series (esp the last one) have parental wangxian helping him work through things

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4. Itmf wwx n friends as a crazy crack funny af potty mouthed wholesome group!! Modern au. Them being crack heads in a nut. Like, doing stuff like sneaking out, putting skates and running at night, sitting in shopping trolly and pushing it ahead, Fighting in Instagram comments section. Just wwx an friends. Idm relationships.

He lo I'm for #4 itmf. fic is really good, but not what I was aiming for, cuz yeah the plot was chef's kiss, but didn't had much of wy n frnds, lemme clear: wy n frnds shenanigans, doing stupid things, what the fuk moments. This time doesn't matter if it's canon, modern or alternate Universe. Thankyou

The Fifth Type of Non-Contact Force by Caixx (Not Rated, 83k, WangXian, Modern AU, High School, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Fluff and Humor, Actually Somewhat Canon, Mutual Pining, Horny Teenagers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Non-Graphic Smut) lots of shenanigans here

Carefully Orchestrated Plans (no strings attached) by Maledictius (T, 101k, WangXian, Modern AU, Chatting & Messaging, Orchestra, Fluff and Humor, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gossip)

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5. ITMF!! What’s a wangxian fic you’ve read where, as you sadly leave your last kudos on the last chapter, you think, THIS COULD BE A MOVIE 😤!

Those fast paced, edge of your seat, tight plot, spot on character fics that you’d buy a ticket to see? Or maybe a smaller lyrical fic that could totally be an art house short film?

I was rereading Hobbsy3’s Tragedy is Not the End. I always have to make myself popcorn it’s so good! So yep, that’s my movie fic!

Dear mods, please direct me to the right list if this has been asked before!! 💚

Wei Wuxian Makes a Wish series by natcat5 (M, 119k, wangxian, major character death, underage, madoka magica au, modern w/ magic, time travel, high school au, body horror, self-harm, angst w/ bittersweet ending, time loop, mental instability, suicidal thoughts) is it cheating if it's technically based on a movie? I didn't need to know anything about what this is based on besides a quick Google but if asker is looking for something that leaves them feeling breathless with all kinds of feelings this is the first one that came to mind

The Fifth Type of Non-Contact Force by Caixx (Not Rated, 83k, WangXian, Modern AU, High School, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Fluff and Humor, Actually Somewhat Canon, Mutual Pining, Horny Teenagers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Non-Graphic Smut) link in #4 honestly this also felt like a teenage coming of age indie movie

💖 Echo, Murmur, Dream, Here by bluerainmist (M, 51k, wangxian, canon divergence, WWX survives, sect leader WWX, yiling wei sect au, slow burn, angst w/ happy ending, getting together, pining, love confessions, reunions, mind all the tags) I just read this and the descriptions of the armor and battlefields really felt like they would suit huge movie screens. It just had that imax vibe, ya know?

Also maybe 5 should look at the “Beautiful Writing and Good Plot” Compilation | Pt. 2 comps a lot of the fics on there feel like a movie

花无百日红; the flower that withers by yiqie (M, 29k, wangxian, Time Travel Fix-It of Sorts, Case Fic, Spells & Enchantments, Hurt/Comfort, Forgiveness, It's about the emotional catharsis, If you have ever laughed at WWX clowning himself for the 'no one will marry you' scene, This fic is: for you) i'm not a writer so i can't describe the feelings this fic evoked in me, but this is one of those fics that is so prettily written and if it's got a movie adaptation i would definitely watch it

In Imitation of Life by travelingneuritis (E, 70k, wangxian, modern cultivation, scifi au, android WWX, tone: neon seedy, rich people are bored and terrible, post-apocalyptoc landscape, happy ending, smut, severe major characger injury, time loss) everything this author writes is like a movie tbh

symmetry by bleuett (M, 44k, WangXian, Space, Science Fiction, Happy Ending, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Holding Hands, Blow Jobs, Hand Feeding, Cultivation in Space, Yearning, Reunions, Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Canon-Typical Violence, Minor Injuries, Grief/Mourning, Unconventional Time Travel, Burial Mounds) I remember reading this and getting major interstellar vibes

💖 Pentimento. by orange_crushed (E, 73k, wangxian, modern, college/university au, art conservation, museums, pining, not actually unrequited love, angst w/ happy ending, misunderstandings, smut, major character injury, hospitalization, hurt/comfort, past incarceration, forgery) this is like an A24 Sundance festival winner, author writes such incredible prose

Post Mortem by Cataclysmic_Calamity (E, 78k, wangxian, modern, Psychological Horror, friends with benefits, they're both fucked up but they love each other so much, Slow Burn Mystery, Unnegotiated Kink, Dom/sub, Anal Sex, Consensual Non-Con, Stalking, Drug Addiction, Serial Killers, in Wei Ying's desire to critique the 'final girl' trope he accidentally becomes one, Angst with a Happy Ending, meta commentary on the horror and true crime genres) A horror movie!!!! Very much on the edge of your seat.

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6. Huge thanks to the mods and participants for this wonderful blog! You keep my Mark for Later list going strong.

ITMF fics where someone tries to harm WWX because of LWJ. Maybe they're obsessively in love with him and want to get rid of the competition, or maybe they hate him and want to hurt him in the worst way possible by hurting the one he loves most, or whatever. Bonus points if Wangxian assume that whoever seems to be coming after WWX is coming after him because he's the Yiling Laozu instead of because he's LWJs love, and so they make wrong assumptions and mistakes. Happy for similar recs also, even if it's not a perfect fit! No Jiang Cheng bashing though plz. Thanks all! @flamingwell

this body yet survives by RoseThorne (T, 50k, WIP, WangXian, No War AU, Recovery, Trauma, Dissociation, Courting Rituals, Near Death Experiences, Attempted Murder, Eventual Happy Ending, Panic Attacks, Protective Siblings, Triggers, Protective LWJ, Protective LQR, Yúnmèng Siblings Dynamics, Bad Parent YZY, POV Third Person, POV LWJ, Depression, Good Sibling JC, Good Sibling JYL)

A Soft Storm by AvoOwO (Not rated, 47k, wangxian, modern au, hurt WWX, LWJ pov, protective LWJ, not SS friendly, car accidents, hurt/comfort, heavy angst w happy ending, sexual harrasment, stalking, crying, blood & injury & gore, major character injury, college, slut shaming, insults)

Coincidence is Another Man's Fate by TriviasFolly (M, 164k, WangXian, Modern AU, A/B/O Dynamics, Alpha LWJ, Omega wwx, Sexual Harassment, Implied/Referenced Sexual Harassment, WangXian play the long game, UNTIL THEY DON'T, Getting Together, fated pairs, Eventual Attempted Sexual Assult and Recovery, Modern Setting - Office, Mpreg)

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7. Hi!! Does anyone know of any fics where dual cultivation classes are part of the lectures that all the young masters attend? I’d love to see them paired up to meditate, study, duel, night hunt, perhaps even take a couple of sex magic classes. In my head I am picturing something like those Harry Potter fics where students are paired due to compatible magic and they study together regardless of house division. Thank you!

turn towards the sun by Ariaste (E, 21k, WangXian, Kushiel's Legacy Fusion, The Night Court (Kushiel's Legacy), Kink Negotiation, Courtesans, Intimacy, BDSM, Consent, Wangxian's canonical fetishes, roughly Cloud Recesses-era, Extracurricular Kissing, Impact Play, Kink Experimentation, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, (aka Madam Yu being canonically willing to hit WWX)) This may not be exactly what was requested but it’s definitely school and wangxian definitely “study” together:)

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8. Are there any fics where Wei Wuxian purposely tries to seduce Lan Wangji? Like he wears revealing clothes, touches him more often, moans while eating...etc? Like, Wei Wuxian knows Lan Wangji likes him and is trying to make him crack by being all flirty/seductive?

puzzle pieces by Yuisaki (T, 6k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Roommates, Fluff, Humor, Friends to Lovers, Sharing Clothes, Getting Together, Pining)

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9. Hi mods! Can I ask for the next ITMF for some fics where WWX, JFM or even LQR are angry at Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren for not being careful enough during night hunts and leaving WWX alone? Something along the lines of why they didn't have a back up plan or why didn't they leave WY in Lotus Pier or somewhere else where he would be looked after while they were busy and risking something happening to him bc they didn't tell anyone where their child was if something happened to them. Doesn't really need to be bashing but definitely some abandonment issues and not WWX just being alright with what his parents did and wanting to do the same

Thanks!! @jiangclaritybell

❤️ The One-Body Problem by metisket (T, 29k, LJY & WWX, LJY & LSZ, wangxian, possession, cohabitation, Mojo’s bookmark) Lan Jingyi (very) briefly mentions how stupid it was for WWX's parents to just leave him when they went off night hunting

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10. Hii!! I hope you guys are well <3

I have a request for the next itmf, i recently read a fic where wwx is adopted by hua lian, so I was wondering if you had more fics in the same category?? The fic i read was the hearth series by eccentrick!!

Thank you in advance ❤️❤️

there's a whole tag Huā Chéng & Xiè Lián (Tiān Guān Cì Fú) Adopt Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn for that, but in specific

Hua Xianle by Tiffany_Guinne (Not rated, 170k, hualian, wangxian, TGCF, canon divergence, not Jiang friendly, madam lan lives, WWX adopted by hualian, WWX with different name, overprotective hualian, hurt WWX, WIP)

Narrative of Strength by MeltedIceAngel (T, 61k, WIP, WangXian, HuaLian, Canon Divergence, Adopt WWX, Found Family, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Protective XL, Protective HC, Adoption, Kidnapping, Attempted Kidnapping, Serious Injuries, Angst with a Happy Ending, TGCF)

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11. Hello, for the next In the mood for, do you have any wangxian fan fic recs of novel canon divergence/fix it that do not feature yunmeng bros reconciliation? Thank you so much in advance!

Lay my body down by tawaen (M, 48k, WWX & WQ, WWX & WN, wangxian, WWX & JYL, canon divergence, time travel, rogue cultivator WWX, no golden core transfer, not cultivation world friendly, not JC friendly, OCs) WWX travels back in time & goes fuck the cultivation world & JC in particular

The Core Issue by Hauntcats (T, 21k, WangXian, Angst with a Happy Ending, Not JC Friendly, Canon Divergence) WWX rebuilds his core while living in the Burial Mounds, JC loses his & is pissed about it

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12. Can you recommend me Darkji fanfic and an oblivious weiying or a dark dark lanzhan where there's an abuse and manipulation included I don't mind🫶🏻

Obelus by Celestios (Not rated, 167k, wangxian, rape/non-con, non-con elements, NO rape, Non-Consensual Spanking, Non-Consensual Punishments, Spanking, Punishments, Dubious Morality, Dubious Consent, physical discipline, Physical Abuse, Toxic Relationships, Abusive Relationship, Kidnapping, Stockholm Syndrome, mention of violence, mention of drugs, Mention of alcohol, Possessive Behavior, Obsessive Behavior, Unhealthy Relationships, dark LWJ, Baker WWX, Bodyguard WN, Mentions of weapons, Gun mentions, Slow Burn, Long, Doctor WQ, Self Medicating, WWX has ADHD, Trauma Bonding, Psychological Manipulation, Gaslighting, Organized Crime, underground crime, Underground business, illegal business)

3-in-1 Shampoo/Conditioner/Bodywash - the Real Gateway Drug by Anonymous (E, 22k, WIP, WangXian, one sided wangxian (but for how long?), sketchy as fuck LWJ, does this count as dark! LWJ, implied bi WWX, modern au - no cultivation, Piss Marking, Come Marking, cum in food, brief cameo of food fucking, piss in food, Exhibitionism, Sloppy Seconds, Alcoholism, mention piss drinking, No Sex, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, sexually charged assisted pissing, accidental hold, Omorashi, freak4freak, emotional manipulation/subdrop of sorts, co-pissing, panty huffing, Degradation, dubcon blowjob, FaceFucking, Non-Consensual Somnophilia, pissing on someone who's passed out drunk, Spanking, Verbal Humiliation, Mutual Masturbation, jerking off walkthrough (with commentary), threats of edging, mutual CNC fantasies, Unreliable Narrator, I gave LWJ the LBH sized cock he deserves, Bathing, pissing in fleshlight) 3-in-1 shampoo/conditioner/bodywash - the real gateway drug for itfm 12. It’s more extremely dubious consent than actual abuse, but there is definitely a bit of gaslighting.

Kinkotber Day 4: A Shift in Perspective by Anonymous (E, 2k, WangXian, Stockholm Syndrome, Rape/Non-con Elements, there's no violence but he certainly doesn't ask for concent, Dark LWJ, Oblivious WWX, Cockwarming, Exhibitionism, bimboification (kind of), collaring (at the end), Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, PWP, Almost No Dialogue) as the tags say - no actual violence but deffo non/dubcon elements

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13. Hello, do you know any modern or canon au wx fics where wangxian never interacted when they were kids/students but lwj still had a quiet crush on wwx?

and having a marvelous time by varnes (E, 108k, WangXian, Yúnmèng Siblings, Sound of Music AU, (i know!!! i know. stay with me on this.), Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Family Feels, spies to lovers???, Protective Siblings, Sometimes You Just Want Your Dads To Admit They’re Your Dads, Angst with a Happy Ending)

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14. this might be a weirdly specific request for itmf, but I was wondering if you know of any fics where, either through reincarnation or time travel what have you, Lan Sizhui/Wen Yuan raises Wei Ying or Lan Zhan as his child(ren)?

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15. For the next ITMF, can you recommend fic where characters OTHER than wangxian take ownership of their actions prior to wwx's death? (e.g. abandoning wwx/wen civilians to their fate, the mass slaughter of innocents, stealing & profiting off his work while slandering him, etc). I'm not interested in fics where this ownership has a caveat ("it was bad, but wwx was equally bad or worse" - these are fine but it's just not what I want to read.) Thanks! @balleyboley

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16. Anything with wwx with low self-steem????

the thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break by RoseThorne (E, 88k, WIP,   WangXian, Canon Divergence, Soulmates, Self-Esteem Issues, Fix-It, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, PTSD, Handfasting, Panic Attacks, Getting Together, First Time, Aftercare, Implied/Referenced Alcohol   Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Torture, Scars, Chronic Pain, Golden Core Reveal, First Time, Switching, sex-related injury, LWJ Stays at the Burial Mounds, LSZ is a Wèi, Good Sibling JC, Dissociation, Burial Mounds Settlement Days)

Welcome to the Family Series by jiejieaini (E, 237k, WangXian, Modern, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, Angst, Explicit Sex)

❤️ The One-Body Problem by metisket (T, 29k, LJY & WWX, LJY & LSZ, wangxian, possession, cohabitation, Mojo’s bookmark) (link in #9) Seeing the “low self esteem” ask in ITMF made me go: any fic ever? If you want a funny response to it, metisket’s One Body Problem has Jingyi. Enough said.

Don't Leave Me by TrippinOnSkies (E, 19k, WangXian, Modern AU, Marriage Proposal, Mental Breakdown, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Panic Attacks, But they are very mild, Overthinking, Good Sibling JC, Break Up, Gentle Sex, Gentle Kissing, Idiots in Love, Pining, Misunderstandings, Oblivious WWX, LWJ Has Feelings, LWJ is Whipped, Getting Together, NHS & WWX Friendship, Friends to Lovers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy EndingInsecure WWX, WWX Has Issues, WWX Has Self-Esteem Issues, Sad WWX, WWX is Bad at Communicating)

could you find a way to let me down slowly, if you're leaving baby let me down slowly by ravenditefairylights (M, 36k, WangXian, XuanLi, Past MingXian, Canon Divergence, Golden Core Reveal, Implied/Referenced Sex, Miscommunication, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Twin Prides of Yúnmèng Dynamics, Hurt WWX, Mutual Pining, Unreliable Narrator, Self-Esteem Issues, Twin Prides of Yúnmèng Feels, Protective Siblings, Trauma, Slightly dubious consent, courtesy of drunk sex, Inventor WWX, Genius WWX, Phoenix Mountain, Chronic Pain, Getting Together, Fix-It of Sorts, One Braincell Trio, PTSD)

See Me, Feel Me (Listening to You) by Ghost_Honey (T, 29k, WangXian, POV WWX, WWX Needs a Hug, WWX's Abyssmal Self-Esteem, Emotional Healing, Angst, The Juniors love their Senior Wei, Curses, WWX is an Unreliable Narrator, JC & WWX Reconciliation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Cuddling)

pastel by antebunny (G, 6k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Soulmates, Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, Self-Esteem Issues, Misunderstandings, Angst with a Happy Ending, Unrequited Love, but not actually)

to be loved by wqngji (G, 1k, WangXian, Insecure WWX, Petty LWJ, JC is So Done, Domestic Fluff, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Doubt, Hugs, Hurt WWX)

leading tone by silencemostofall (G, 32k, WangXian, Modern AU, Soulmates, with a lil twist, Eventual Happy Ending, it will not look like it until the very end but I promise there's a happy ending, lesbian wq rights, Music, Orchestra, platonic and romantic pining, wwx's serious self-worth issues, [Podfic] Leading Tone by silencemostofall by Beria1021)

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17. Is there a fic in which yiling people are protective of wei ying and wants him to come back

End Racism in the OTW | The Fire Lapping Up the Creek by notevenyou (E, 66k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Blood, Respiratory Illness, Major Illness, Fever, Grief/Mourning, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Hunger and food scarcity, Surgery, Fix-It of Sorts) it’s mentioned briefly, I believe

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If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

#wangxian #mdzs #wangxian fic recs #i'm in the mood for a fic #the untamed #wangxian fic search #wangxianficfinder #long post

[leiandroid]

yakuza / bratva au

extremely important note about this au is that, being russian, ino's name is ino yamanavka xD

many ramblings about this au vvv

hinata is the first daughter of the yakuza's hyuuga family. she murders her father in cold blood with his own katana after a psychotic break. hanabi becomes the boss by default and is out for hinata's head for revenge. hinata runs away to russia. she regains awareness somewhere in russia after her episode and after a few weeks is found by low level bratva members that answer to a certain faction led by ino.

ino is instantly taken by this exotic yet dangerous beauty and recognises that she's not all right up there. instead of wasting her she takes her in, much to the familys protest, and makes hinata her right hand. ino's goals are to climb the ranks and take over the entire russian mafia as the top leader.

hinata has reverted to a "childlike" state for self preservation. she is shy and cheerful and nervous and meek; qualities her father literally beat out of her to shape her up to becoming the next head of the hyuuga. despite this, hanabi would be the one to grow up to be the ruthless protege he always wanted and so tossed hinata to the side. the trauma endured and the pressure and ostracisation by the whole clan caused her to eventually snap.

the guilt and grief of killing her father then has her reverted to a childlike state where she constantly seeks for his approval. she took her father's sword with her and his "spirit" lives in the sword. she seeks the swords approval and talks to it as if it were hiashi himself. and in her mind the sword praises her for how far she's become, berates her for her mistakes, etc.

when she kills she becomes hysterically insane, and in the aftermath she becomes cold and unfeeling for some time before she goes back to her normal childlike state. basically she lives in a constant state of disassociation / multiple personalities (?)

ino manipulates her to do her bidding, assures her she's okay, that she's amazing, that her father is so proud of her. she eases hinata's nerves and anxieties with sweet words and sex.

ino came from a poor background where her father sold her to the bratva for money and medicine to help his sick wife. she grew up in the mafia and was used and abused all throughout. every year, every day that passed, ino would have an ever growing hitlist; members that raped her, beat her, humiliated her, etc. and on the top of that list was her fathers name.

when she was old enough to put her plans to fruition, she tracked down her parents house only to find that they had died long ago. not being able to have the last word she is fueled by hatred and goes on a killing spree on the rest of her list and kills her boss and takes his place and threatens the remaining living members of the faction to either join her or die.

over time she becomes a terrible and horrifying leader and is now the boss of a significantly large faction that has control of a sizeable area in moscow.

she has spent time in prison where she received most of her tattoos. (dot under the eye to denote homosexuality, rose to indicate that she turned 18 in prison, nautical stars that tell of her authority, eyes on her chest to mean she is always watching, "cyka" a forced tattoo calling her a bitch, spider to show that she's an active criminal, gun to show she's killed and is/was for hire to kill, roundstone that means trust no one, and various other tattoos with real world meanings).

half her face was burned with battery acid in prison. her back is littered with scars from cuts and from lashes as disciplinary measures growing up in the mafia.

hinata's irezumi tattoos include motifs of ame no uzume that represents inner beauty and kindness, with various other details like bamboo and ginko leaves and little creatures like crabs and goldfish that represent strength, perseverance, sacrifice and loyalty.

ino genuinely cares for hinata in a very fucked up, selfish, and narcisstic way. their relationship is very complex. ino has a girl that constantly seeks her dead fathers approval, and ino has to act like the concept of a father doesn't sicken her to her bones. in a way, they both drive each other mad. ino grows to hate the sword that has part of hinata's love and attention, but understands that if the sword were to disappear then hinata would too (mind and body).

ino drives hinata to kill, which frays her mind a bit more every time, and in turn the energy ino puts into not letting hinata fall apart at the seams causes her a great deal of stress and gets in the way of a lot of her plans to take over. by the end of their conquests they are barely held together by a thread.

they do get very far together but they meet a grim fate when after hinata is forced to kill a child, she loses the last thread keeping her together then murders ino then kills herself immediately after. they become stuff of legends within the mafia.

#inohina #ino yamanaka #hinata hyuuga #criminal au #my art #leiandroid #the russian tattoos on ino are just gibberish #if they resemble actual words then oopsie woopsie #except cyka lmao #im so happy with these bruh #ino server stuff #ino supremacy #NARUTO

[ninadove]

Hello, all respectfully, may I ask, why do you want emilie to be dead? I mean adrien deserves to have his mom back, don’t you think? You can answer it thru private chat if it makes you more comfortable.

No that’s perfectly fine! I love getting a chance to overanalyse and write down my own thoughts! 📝

So, I have a complicated relationship with Emilie as a character, but I don’t hate her by any means. I do believe she is a lot less pure and innocent than we were first led to believe, but that makes her much more compelling, so as far as I’m concerned it’s a great writing choice.

The reason I think she should be dead, or more accurately, stay dead (the nuance is crucial), is simply storytelling.

As fun as the show is, it is also pretty serious when it wants to be, and these 5 seasons were written with a couple of core messages in mind:

Part of the experience of being human is to accept that there is no magical solution to our problems. Sometimes things don’t work out, sometimes we lose the people we care about; and actions bring consequences, always. This is why using the Peacock carries such a heavy toll, even after it is fixed, and why the Lucky Charm primarily relies on Marinette’s intelligence and creativity (characteristically human qualities) rather than being an automatic problem solver.

Whenever these losses occur — you have to move on. Staying stuck in the past means depriving yourself of a chance to enjoy the present and plan for the future. All of the events of these 5 seasons were triggered by Gabriel’s inability to accept the concept of death, and by his attempts to drag all of Paris down the pits of grief (symbolised by the akuma attacks) with him — starting with his own son.

Of course, Adrien deserves to be happy and loved! And Emilie herself explains how it can happen:

By letting her go.

Adrien is an extremely strong and loving kid who, unlike his father, is able to shoulder the pain while still opening himself up to the world. Gabriel trying to bring Emilie back did nothing to fix the sorrow his son had to deal with; in fact, it cost him his other parent and a normal childhood in the process.

But the thing is — Adrien does not need Emilie anymore.

He has a girlfriend who loves him so much she gave his dad one last chance to make the right choice, despite all the pain he caused (and will likely continue to cause from the grave). He has a cousin who loves him so much he was willing to burn the world down, then help fix it to protect him. He has amazing friends who supported him through this entire ordeal (special shout-out to Nino, who has been on Gabriel’s case since S1 E9), even when he did not feel comfortable enough to share the full extent of the abuse he was going through. He has Amelie and Nathalie, who will provide him with the motherly love he needs in his life, and Tom and Sabine, who are already packing him his breakfast every morning because they’ve carved him a place in their family and hearts. Also, he has a cheese-eating demon who lives in his pocket.

No one is entitled to raising the dead, and Adrien would never even consider it. But he does deserve love and care and happiness, things his father deprived him of in his senseless quest to defy the laws of nature — things he was able to build for himself because he chose to be kind and vulnerable despite his grief.

Season 6 will be terrible on him, but he will come back stronger on the other side. And in doing so, he will send an important message to the core audience of the show: young children who will sooner or later have to mourn a loved one themselves, but will know they can be OK thanks to his example.

And you know, sometimes us adults need a little reminder too. 💚

#miraculous ladybug #adrien agreste #emilie agreste #gabriel agreste #hawkmoth #monarch #marinette dupain cheng #felix graham de vanily #senticousins #amelie graham de vanily #graham de family #nathalie sancoeur #nino lahiffe #tom dupain #sabine cheng #plagg #mlb spoilers #mlb recreation #tumblr asks #random ramblings #Basically this is a very long way of saying that raising the dead? Not Good #Don’t try this at home kids #S5 has given me a newfound appreciation for Adrien and Mari #Not that I didn’t like them before but now I LOVE them 💚💖 #Protect the boy 💚

[prodigal-explorer]

AN OPEN MINDED VIEW OF THE ISRAEL PALESTINE CONFLICT: NOT ANTI-ISRAEL, NOT ANTI-PALESTINE, BUT ANTI-HATE.

i’m gonna start by saying this:

the sheer amount of anti-jew hate i’ve seen on my tumblr dash is absolutely abhorrent.

and now, let’s get into the specifics of my view:

i recently went to two events that my college hosted. one was an event in which a guest speaker discussed antisemitism and how it is running rampant lately due to the israel-palestine conflict.

and the other event i went to was an israeli man and a palestinian man who are CLOSE FRIENDS, and them telling their stories and how the animosity between palestine and israel have affected their lives, killed members of their families, and yet, they were friends. because they knew that they shared two things: their birthplace and their grief.

after attending both of these events, this is what i learned: BEING PRO ISRAEL OR PRO PALESTINE IS NOT REMOTELY HELPFUL. zionism is not inherently evil. the conflict is NOT ABOUT RELIGION. it’s not the muslims versus the jews. it’s about politics. it’s about fear and trauma and hurt.

the land doesn’t belong only to israel.

but it doesn’t belong only to palestine either.

the land is land, and it’s a gift from the higher power that created this world.

if the israeli people weren’t constantly discriminated against or expelled everywhere they went, maybe they wouldn’t feel the need to cling onto the one tiny piece of land that they managed to claim as theirs.

if the palestinian people didn’t get kicked out of the place they lived in first, and weren’t treated unfairly in israel’s social climate, maybe they wouldn’t feel the need to cling the exact same way.

israel has money and power from america and other places. and israel has done some terrible things. i know that. but so has palestine. and this post isn’t meant to excuse the bombings, the killings, the genocides. that’s not what this is about.

but people are dying on BOTH sides. countless people. in the usa and in many other places, people are getting hate crimed just for being jewish because people are so pro-palestine that they became anti-israel and anti-jewish. and the same is happening to muslim people who are pro-palestine.

can you see how being pro/anti just fuels the fire more and creates more war and violence and conflict and killing? what feeds a war is the possibility of winning or losing. being on one side or the other side does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to help the people. it HURTS the people. because they are having their homes destroyed due to the polarization that WE are causing due to our need to fit things into one box or another. jewish or muslim. good or evil. israel or palestine. it shouldn’t be israel or palestine. it should be israel AND palestine, finding a way to come to an agreement. to SHARE or to compromise. if not, then the war will destroy them both. two beautiful nations with such rich history and such amazing potential.

my point in writing this post was not just to express my opinion but to spread knowledge based on what i learned from accredited experts as well as people are literally IN israel and palestine and facing the effects of the conflict. most of us on the internet are just sitting back and watching, choosing to be either anti-jew or anti-muslim just to feel helpful, to feel progressive and woke and hip and in-control.

wearing a “from the river to the sea” t-shirt isn’t helping anybody. all it does is create more tension and polarity.

comparing zionism to evil and saying that all zionist’s want palestinians dead is incorrect and hateful and lowkey antisemitic.

and this goes for all the anti-palestinian hate as well, but honestly, most of my dash on here is filled with “pro-palestine” stuff that acknowledges the suffering the palestinians are going through while entirely ignoring the israelis going through something extremely similar.

before you get angry in the reblogs and accuse me of supporting a genocide (i’m not), or accuse me of being complacent (i’m being the opposite), or just any sort of hate, maybe take a deep breath and read what i wrote again.

it’s about the PEOPLE. every single person on this planet has inherent worth and dignity, and nobody deserves to be diminished to one trait of their identity.

“oh, you’re jewish? that means you’re a zionist and that means you’re pro-israel and that means you support bombing and killing innocent civilians!”

that’s actually genuinely logic i’ve seen on this website before, and it’s that sort of thinking that i want to combat. that’s the thinking that the israeli and palestinian friends want to combat.

being jewish isn’t the same as being pro israel. being muslim isn’t the same as being pro palestine. there is SO MUCH MORE to this conflict than what is being put down on social media. i beg of you guys to read a book about antisemitism. look for resources that actually dig deep, primary sources, interviews, multiple news sources so you get a nice collection of perspectives. don’t just read one article and make an assumption about an entire group of people.

and it’s so unfair to blame an entire country for decisions that are being made by the government. it’s like saying “oh everyone in america supports banning abortion” when the abortion bans were choices made by a few powerful people. not the entire country. so when critiquing a country for their choices in war, it’s so important to express that it’s the government at fault. not the people. not the religion that most of them happen to believe in. again, it’s the politics of the situation. not religions.

there that’s all. please don’t kill me or dox me or tell me to kill myself or accuse me of being a jew or a muslim (i am neither) who has control/power over any sort of media influence (i am a disabled, gay, filipino, autistic young gender-non-conformist. i have basically no clout in this society 😂). i am just stating my opinion which is a perfectly fine thing to do online.

#palestine #israel #israel palestine conflict #israel palestine war #israel palestine tensions #antisemitism #anti muslim #anti zionisim

[aeor-is-for-reccing]

Older Favourites 6: A Shadowgast Rec List

For the end of the month, it's time for the 6th list of older favourites. Check under the cut for 9 (nein!) fics updated over two years ago!

the mortifying ordeal of being known by idontreallylikebutterflies (5754, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

The Mighty Nein love each other, but they also spend most of their time between insults and teasing. Essek wants to know them, and wants to understand their contradictions, but mostly Essek wants to deserve to be known by them.

Reccer says: A great classic Essek learns more about the Mighty Nein (and their lack of boundaries) fic. Extremely soft

sleeping in the shadow of an other self by nonwal (32857, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: Major Character Death, references to torture

In which Essek is resurrected by the Mighty Nein and framed for innocence.

Reccer says: This is one of the cleverest fics I’ve ever read. You need to go in spoiler-free the first time because the reveal is glorious—and artfully foreshadowed, so you just might guess right along the way. The MCD is NOT permanent.

Creature Comforts by mousecookie (4645, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Essek doesn't realise that the cat sitting on his lap isn't Frumpkin

Reccer says: Such a fun premise and generally so sweet!

A Favor In Kind by literalfuckinggarbage (4208, Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Yussa spends an evening in Widogast's Nascent Nein Sided Tower alongside Essek, and they discuss with Caleb the repayment of favors. (Or, what if all the wizards blew off some fucking steam during the Eiselcross arc)

Reccer says: Not only is this exceptionally hot PWP, it’s a depiction of a “fully” transitioned trans man the likes of which is painfully scarce and we very desperately need more of.

Somewhere Only We Know by DotyTakeThisDown (3803, Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Caleb and Essek, now married, meet in a demiplane created just for them.

Reccer says: This is short, sweet, HOT, and optimistic.

Mishap by ThreeGremlinsInATrenchcoat (29285, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: Mentions of fantasy racism

Separated from rhe Mighty Nein, desperate, and almost beaten, Caleb grabs Essek and a trinket and Teleports them to safety. Except the destination they land in is not the one he had chosen.

Reccer says: Prepare to cry! This author really knows their way around a grief monologue!

Lay Your Bones by LadyOrpheus (53587, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

On a mission to capture Essek, Verin relises his brother and Caleb have a child and a life together

Reccer says: I love all the feelings Caleb goes through, and the interactions with the nein and Yuna are amazing

A Flumph for Your Thoughts by toneofjoy (3715, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

During his Aeor trip with Essek, wild magic transforms Caleb into a flumph.

Reccer says: I liked it!

Aeor is for Lovers is an 18+ Shadowgast Discord server. The above fanfic recommendations were pulled from our community for this weekly event. All fics, unless otherwise specified, will primarily feature Shadowgast. Have any questions about what this is? Check out the FAQ! Next week, we’ll be back with poly ships!

#shadowgast #caleb widogast #essek thelyss #critical role #cr fic recs #aeor is for lovers #fan fiction rec list #cr fics #cr fic #critical role fan fiction #older favorites

[kaeyapilled]

hey! your kaeya takes are so real!!! I was wondering if you had any good fic recs?? I want to read something that has good kaeya characterization (+bonus if it's ragbros that isn't just them crying and hugging it out like you were talking about) and am tired of scrolling through tags

!! omg thank you im so honored to hear that people like my takes lol

fic recs huh!! i have some!! do you mind it if most of them are about child kaeya? (i hadnt realized how many of my bookmarks focused on his childhood until i went through them all lmao) hopefully it isnt all stuff youve already read before! here goes:

A Horse Makes for a Stable Life by FollowerofMercy – Wanting to test the boundaries of his host’s goodwill, Kaeya asks for a pony for his birthday. He didn’t expect Crepus to deliver. Or, the story in which things get uncomfortably real for young Kaeya.

do you like kaeya and crepus interactions!! because this fic explores their dynamic in suuuuch a nice way that felt very refreshing to see portrayed!! perfect ratio of hurt to comfort in my opinion. overall quite lighthearted compared to my other recs though lol. good exploration of kaeyas inner conflict since a young age. yeah i love it and recommend it

I'm gonna miss your love when it's gone by imaginarypasta – A selection of scenes from Kaeya's childhood related to his relationships with his fathers, and all they have led him to be.

this one is so good!!!! i feel like its rare to see kaeyas biological father portrayed as anything other than a heartless asshole, and this fic explored kaeyas relationship with him in such a nice manner that makes for a very melancholic and. i guess bittersweet story that takes into consideration the nuance of the situation in a way that i really dont see super often. the parts about kaeyas relationship w crepus are also really well done i love it. oh and the khaenri'ah lore the author takes some liberty with is really really interesting!!

not bad for a walk on death's doorstep by b_attery – Fear is a knife’s edge. Fear is a killer. Fear is how you know you’re still alive.

my bookmark of this work said "literally the best kaeya character study ive ever read" and honestly i still stand by that. the word flow is great and the exploration of fear as such an intrinsic part of kaeya's life and as the driving force for most of his actions and feelings and responses. it's so good!!! this one contemplates kaeyas childhood both before and after his arrival in mondstadt and goes until after diluc's return. absolutely recommend it!!

Hundred-Watt Light by pepperjuice – A story about ten years of contingency plans and holding your own hand. (Because how else are you supposed to live with a weight too big to hold all alone?)

this. this rewired my brain forever. this holds the title of best kaeya character study ever along with the previous one i talked about. definitely mind the tags because it primarily deals with suicidal ideation and thoughts so, if that's a trigger then it's best to not read this one lol but still it is SO good and it explores kaeya's inner conflicts and awful coping mechanisms after having such a heavy burden thrusted upon him at an extremely early age with no good support of any kind. i absolutely love this fic it's very dear to me and i think about it sooo often it truly altered my brain chemistry

things fall apart by kernsing – Happy eighteenth, Diluc.

finally some ragbros content! sadly it isnt the reconciliation you asked for it's about when things fell apart. this is one of my favorite ever renditions of how it all went down on That Day - it reshaped some of my own headcanons, actually. this one is more from diluc's pov than kaeya's, and it's written really really well, and explores diluc's grief over his father's death in SUCH an amazing and interesting way!! and the way it parallels kaeya's own emotions and that is exactly what causes them to fight is extremely tasty i loved it. read it it's good

okay i can probably find some more but this is enough for one post i think. deeply sorry for not delivering the good ragbros reconciliation content.. i tbh haven't gathered a lot.. but i hope you and whoever else reads this enjoys these! thank you for the ask <3

#sharing fic recs on tumblr.com isn't just a hobby it's a full time job and a lifestyle. #anonpilled #kaeyaposting #kaeya #kaeya alberich #diluc #ragbros #brothers tag #genshin impact

[rogersideup]

The Senses of Steve

Sight

Series masterlist

Next: Touch

Word count: 7,933

Summary: Steve could finally see you for who you actually are, rather than who he thought you might've been.

Warning: My blog is 18+ only. All minors or blogs without an age in bio will be blocked. Minors DNI.

The first Avenger you ever met was Tony Stark, and you would never forget that moment. Your whole life led up to that very moment, that very presentation- a job interview of sorts.

Both your parents were active duty in the military since before you were even a tiny twinkle in their eye. They were teenage sweethearts. Met in high school, enlisted together, made the long distance work until they eventually we're given the same orders and managed to settle down together. They married at the ripe age of twenty one years old, had you when they we're only twenty two.

From what you could remember, having young parents was always something you viewed through rose colored glasses. You'd show up to elementary school so proud to tell everyone around you that your mom and dad were practically superheroes, sacrificing themselves on the daily to protect and serve their country.

They were amazing parents. They never pushed you into joining the military as a career for yourself, they even encouraged you to explore different options all your life. They embraced who you truly were rather than what anyone would've wanted you to be. Your love for history and the late Captain America combined with the nature of your parents made you absolutely certain that you wanted to be just like them- your three favorite superheroes.

You had a spunky creative side, proficient in English and literature with a deep love for any creative outlet you could get your hands on. Both of them loved watching how well you could adjust to a new environment and new schools every time the family was uprooted and placed onto a new base in a new state, they called you their little chameleon.

However, everything good about your childhood changed when your father passed away from a work related injury when you were 12 years old. After that, your mother was too busy at work and too stuck in her own grief to take care of you on her own, so you became self sufficient.

You were far too young to know that the responsibility of taking care of yourself and your mother shouldn't have been your weight to bare, but you did it anyways and it affected your whole life. With no one to support you, your grades slipped and you scraped through life by the skin on your teeth.

By the time you turned 18, you joined the Air Force as the only way out. It was the only choice you could see for yourself. You always knew you'd end up in the military, as a young and naïve kid you thought it could be a way to honor you dad and make him proud, and as a less young and certainly not naïve adult it was a way to spite your mother.

Your mother who couldn't even love you, your mother who couldn't even care for you or herself would have no other option than to be stuck in the same misery she trapped you in for six whole fundamental years of your life.

The Air Force ended up being good for you. For the first time in your adult life you found yourself with the very structure and support you always lacked. With time, therapy, and a whole lot of self discovery, you blossomed into what everyone loved to call you now, a diamond.

Formed under extreme amounts of pressure, you went from carbon to precious stone.

You worked your ass off every single day to prove to yourself that the years lost in your youth by playing adult didn't have to be for nothing. You so badly wanted to be better than anything that ever held you back, you used that to tightly wind yourself up and fling yourself forward like a slingshot.

And now here you are. This is where you landed.

Twenty three years old, one year older than age your father was when he welcomed you into this world, pacing back and forth in front of a heavy wooden door in the Avengers compound somewhere upstate, about to convince the greatest mind of your generation why silly little you are good enough to be his equal.

There was a very exclusive opportunity to become an Avenger. You knew you were qualified, you had been in mixed martial arts since you could take your first steps, climbed up military ranks faster than anyone has ever seen, trained with shield for three years and eventually became too skilled for them so you got bored.

However, in this moment you didn't feel like a Chameleon. If felt like you stuck out like a sore thumb in this high scale building. The unsettling feeling that stung your chest and left your mouth permanently dry no matter how much water you anxiously sipped from your water bottle made you hyper aware that you probably didn't belong here.

Knowing you were in a building full of Avengers, and any of them could pop out at any given moment made your heart feel like it was racing out of your own skin, yet somehow you could feel your pulse very slowly thumping at your fingertips.

You tried your absolute hardest to keep your nerves at bay but it didn't help that out of the ten candidates, you were the first to arrive and check in, the only woman that was presented with the opportunity to apply and who actually applied, yet the very last to be called in for a chance to make a good impression.

The door swung open and the sound of dress shoes clicking on the polished marble floors instantly had your stomach in knots.

"Ma'am" The intern with a sweet looking face caught your attention. It was almost like she could see past your brick wall of contained anxiety as she offered you a kind smile. "Mr. Stark is ready for you now."

"Thank you" You grinned back, collecting your resume and portfolio before walking past her and into the room with Tony Stark himself.

"First in, last out?" He questioned before you even fully entered the room, his eyes not leaving the holographic screen that showed your file levitating off the center of his desk. You could see if all right in front of you. Your photo and your life's works ready for harsh judgement.

"That's me." You nod in confirmation with a grin. "So nice to meet you, Mister Stark. It's an honor to even be considered."

"Tony, please, we can drop the professionalism. I always found it boring anyways. If we're going to work together we gotta get along beyond business causal. So... what's your favorite ice cream flavor?"

Although you were taken back, you were pleasantly surprised. Hesitantly sitting across from him at the desk, you place down your file and cross you legs. "Alright, Tony. I guess that makes sense. My favorite ice cream flavor is dark chocolate caramel. I'm assuming yours is Stark Raving Hazelnuts?"

"I'm a little offended that yours isn't, but I legally can't discriminate against you for that." He leaned back in his desk chair. "Dark chocolate caramel, simple yet somehow also complex." He pondered.

"Have you had a day full of chocolate chip cookie doughs?" You questioned. "Mint chocolate chips?"

"If I told you how many of the ten said vanilla you wouldn't believe me" He shrugged.

"Does vanilla have no place on the team?"

"This issue is that we already have a vanilla on the team. Almost 100 years old and the man hasn't sprouted a single gray hair yet so I think we have vanilla covered for a little while longer." He metaphorically explained. His words seeped into your skin and eased your nerves knowing that even if this went wrong, at least you weren't vanilla. "Have any pets? Hobbies?"

"Unfortunately no pets but I can bake a mean cupcake"

"What flavor?"

"Would you hate me if I said vanilla?" You joked.

"I would hate you more if you said chocolate. I've never met a chocolate cupcake I enjoyed. Seems like you just keep getting these answers right."

A small ping of confidence made a small grin tug at the corners of your lips. "You're giving me too much credit here, you've only asked two questions."

"You're right. Let's go rapid fire, answer with no explanation."

"Shoot it" You readjusted in your seat for maximum comfort.

"Do you cry over romcoms?"

"Every Friday night" you nodded.

"Give me one word to describe your time at shield"

"Uncontested" Big word, good job.

"Can you name all the Avengers?"

"Most of you, but aren't there like twenty-something of you now? I think I start getting confused around the little ant guy"

"That's okay, I do too. Favorite kind've food?"

"Any and all Asian food, and also pizza"

"What would you do if someone killed you?"

"Probably die" you raised an eyebrow.

"Cool. Welcome to the team" He said casually while pressing a button on the desk that made the hologram disappear.

"What? That's it? Don't you need to make sure I can physically keep up? Know more about my career? We didn't even talk about my ti-"

"It's fine, I already know all that. Besides, we need dark chocolate caramel on the team anyways.... trying to collect all thirty-one flavors." He stood up. "You want in?"

"I mean- yes of course I'm just so confused" You giggled in disbelief.

"You had letters of recommendation from government officials, high ranking officers, congressmen; I've seen videos of you in action. I already knew it was you before the interviews I'm just legally obligated to do them." He explained while walking through the door.

You quickly gathered your things and stood up to follow him. "What if I said my favorite ice cream flavor was rocky road?"

"I probably would've changed my mind. I only like to be surrounded by those with exquisite taste"

"Thank you so much, Tony. Really, this means the world to me."

"Save those happy tears for later, I gotta run. We'll get your room ready for you to move in on Monday. Maybe meet the team today? I dunno walk around for a bit and see who you can find. I'll have someone get in contact for the less fun stuff. Have fun, there's snacks on every floor"

Tony raced ahead and was immediately lost through a set of more heavy wooden doors. It was only when you were alone in the corridors when you allowed yourself to stop and take a deep breath, maybe even crack a quick smile and mentally celebrate before continuing to walk through the compound again.

Although this has been your dream since being a little kid, you couldn't help but to feel consumed by grief. If your dad was still alive, you'd call him before even taking another step forward. He would tell you that he was proud of his little chameleon for always making it work, he'd reinforce the superhero sentiment, encourage you to save as many lives as you can.

Your mom was alive but she might as well have been dead to you at that point. She wouldn't care. It would fuel her resentment towards you, as you got to thrive while you left your poor Mother all alone.

As you walked through yet another doorway, your thoughts were immediately hauled by a body slamming into yours.

Your files dropped all over the floor, each individual paper flew out and scattered the surrounding area. You idiot! Too deep in your own thoughts to watch where you were going. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorr-"

A group of men, all in uniform, none of them stopping.

That's when you realized.

You didn't run into them, they ran into you. They didn't care. They all laughed and continued conversation while stepping all over the portfolio and resume you spent days on. It was like you were invisible and no one even saw you standing there.

You didn't allow yourself time to think about it too hard before dropping to your knees to pick up your haphazard paper tornado, because if you thought any harder about it each of those men would get a knee to the nuts.

You ignored the sound of a door opening and closing again, the heavy footsteps toward you meant nothing as long as you didn't look up.

"Hey, I saw that happening from my office and I'm so sorry, I'm going to talk to them about it tomorrow." The voice frantically apologized before squatting down to help pick up the papers.

"It's alright, not that big of a deal" You played it cool, trying to remain composed despite the universes' attempt to keep you humble.

"It kind've is that big of a deal." He denied, scooping up papers in his big hands. "Even I know it's time to move past the 40s" he grumbled under his breath.

That statement made you freeze in place. Now, you already knew who was in front of you, but when you finally looked up to confirm your suspicions, the previous grief hit you even harder than before.

Captain America, your childhood hero right in front of you.

Obviously, you knew this was coming very soon, but not this soon. Not when you were struggling to keep your emotions at bay while you're whole career typed out was scattered across the floor.

Little did you know that as an adult, out of the three heroes you had in life, Steve Rogers would be the only one present during such a monumental achievement.

Once again, you couldn't call your dad to tell him that he would never believe what just happened.

Honestly, you almost couldn't believe it either. Because now that unsettled energy, stinging in your chest, and your pulse thumping at your fingertips was coming back, you could only hope he wouldn't notice.

"I-" you started speaking back to him to break the awkward silence before you even realized you didn't know what to say. "It's not that...Yeah. Thank you."

You tapped the stack of papers in your hands against the floor to get all the edges lined up before he handed you the papers in his hands.

"Air Force, huh?" He referred to the bold writing on the top page that was previously in his hands.

"Five years" You politely nodded. "Moved onto shield, now I'm here."

"Here as in...?" He raised an eyebrow and stood up to his full height as you finished shoving stacks back into files.

"Oh! Right... sorry." You stood up and shoved the files between your chest and left arm, extending your right hand to shake his. "I'm YN, I was actually just hired onto the team about three minutes ago."

"And this was your welcome?!" His eyes practically bulged out of his head. "Let me guess, Tony ran off saying he was busy after giving you little to no instruction on what's next"

"Bingo" You nodded, trying to remain polite while also hoping this interaction would end soon so you could cry alone in the peace of your own car.

"Sorry about that." He shook his head in obvious disapproval. "Steve by the way. I promise the compound isn't usually this chaotic or rude."

"Leave it to me to attract the chaos" You grinned, overly self conscious in his presence.

"Well, once everyone knows you're an avenger they'll start clearing the halls for you."

"Oh is that what it takes to get some respect around here?" You playfully pushed while silently praying the tears pooling in your lower lash line weren't visible.

"Unfortunately a lot of the people here have egos beyond their means, but again, I'll take care of those guys and bring them down to very humble roots" His smile that was stretching from ear to ear dropped to a reassuring and polite grin when he noticed the pending emotion in your eyes.

Steve almost felt nervous around you. His palms were sweaty and his heart was racing- it was only when he got a good look at your watery eyes did he notice the extent of how strikingly beautiful you were.

"Are you alright?" He questioned, eyebrows furrowed in concern.

"Yeah" you uncomfortably chuckle before carefully rubbing your eyes while trying not to ruin your makeup. "Sorry. It just took a lot to get here and it's a lot to take in, then the papers, and... yeah... this is the worst first impression ever."

That was only half of it. You couldn't look him in the eye and tell a complete stranger that you were trying not to cry because you had no one you could tell the good news to, no one to tell you that they were proud. No one that counted, that is.

Another odd realization, he meant a lot to you, and you were just his weird new coworker.

"I get it" He empathized sweetly. "Well if it makes you feel any better I certainly didn't get a bad impression"

"Thank you" you recollected yourself with a deep breath.

"Well since Tony didn't give you much to work with, let me just..." he pat all 4 pockets of his jeans before realizing what he was looking for wasn't there. "Hold on, stay right there"

He fast walked down the hall and into the door he just came out of, before popping back out not even a full 10 seconds later.

"Here's all my contact information" He handed you a small card, his phone number and email was printed in a fancy font onto some beautiful, high quality paper. "Call me or text me whenever you want. Especially if you have any questions or anything"

"Thank you so much" Your heart beamed. Steve Rogers phone number? You didn't deserve it. "Here, take mine too!" You opened up a file and ripped your contact information out of the top corner of your resume since you obviously didn't even need it anymore. "Not quite as fancy as yours"

"Hey, it gets the job done" He shrugged. "I'd offer to show you around but I understand you probably need some time to process. Want to stop by sometime this week? I can introduce you to whoever's around and let you get a hold on the ropes before Tony throws you into the lions den."

"That sounds amazing" You took him up on his offer.

"Great, I'll text you later." He flashed a goofy lopsided smile. "Or you can text me. Doesn't really matter."

"It was an honor to meet you, Steve." His first name felt informal and undermining on your tongue, but you knew a formal title probably wasn't in your best interest as you tried to convince yourself that you were an equal to any of the Avengers.

"The honor was all mine"

You raced back to your car in a hurry and started calculating all the ways you celebrate your successfully day regardless of the circumstances. Maybe you'll stop for coffee before packing your things into boxes, maybe take out and a bottle of wine for dinner?

A huge wave of relief washed over you now that you no longer had to hide your emotions, but the tears never fell until three minutes into your Google search for coffee shops in the area when you were disrupted and thrown in an emotional loop by one silly text from an unknown number.

'Hey, this is Steve! I forgot to say congratulations! Always happy to have another person on the team :)'

That was exactly when you lost it. A sob escaped your lips and tears fell down your cheeks as you surrendered all emotional control. The elixir of excitement, pride, grief and resentment was all too much.

After an hour allowance, you snapped yourself out of your feelings with an iced coffee in hand while packing your one bedroom apartment away into cardboard boxes.

Somehow, someway, before you even got home, Tony had paid out the rest of your lease and the fee to break the year long contract.

It felt like you were moved into the compound in a blink of an eye. Your room was sandwiched between Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff, and right across the hall from Sam Wilson which you felt unworthy of by all means.

The first few days were interesting to say the least. It was the first time in your whole life you struggled to integrate yourself into an established environment. The hours and hours of paperwork, physically strenuous agility, strength and stamina tests were isolating. Not to mention the 3 days of medical examinations to make sure you were in tip-top shape. It had felt like every inch of your body had been poked and prodded.

You couldn't really join in on team dinners or fun activities during the day, there was no time to stop and talk to anyone, and by the time you got back to your room at night, you were too exhausted to even commit to a conversation with anyone about anything.

Besides, these people had bonded for years under circumstances you couldn't even imagine yet. You could barely work your way into conversation when you had a chance, so you sat and listened, desperate to learn the dynamic.

You didn't want to come on too strong, but you also didn't want to come off too small. It was a difficult balance, and your brain decided to shut down at any opportunity you had to assert yourself.

As much as you hated to admit it, you could barely even look Steve in the eye. You couldn't get yourself to work past the the grief over such a sacred part of your childhood. That very same part where he didn't even register in your head as a real person, when your dad was still around to pick you up from school everyday, and your mom still loved you without resentment.

As you sat in the phlebotomy lab in the compound with needles and IV's in your arms, taking tubes and tubes of blood for testing, you closed your eyes and let your head hit the wall behind you.

All of this change in your life felt confusing, and your lack of ability to blend in made you feel like you weren't supposed to be here. Like you had made a mistake. Maybe it was the universe telling you to get out while you still could, step down, join the military again. The air force would always welcome you back with open arms.

"You doing okay?" The sweet nurse asked while capping off one vial of blood to fill the next. "Feeling dizzy?"

"I'm okay" You smiled politely. "Not dizzy"

There was a small knock on the doorframe, you looked up to see Steve leaning against it. "Are you sure? You look like miserable"

"I think that's just my face" You jokingly shrugged, trying to play it cool.

"Try to stay still" the nurse reminded you.

"Sorry" you whispered.

"Is it okay if I sit and talk with you?" Steve asked before he even dared to step foot in a room you were receiving medical attention in.

"Depends, am I getting fired already?" You asked only half joking this time as you heart rate increased. "If not you can definitely sit"

"It's pretty customary we take agents blood before we fire them, you know, just in case" his smile was cautious as he slowly entered the room and sat in a chair across from you.

"Am I trapped here forever now that you have my DNA?" Again, a half joke.

"Of course you are. I'm going to make a clone of you, maybe start an army."

"God, that's my worst nightmare" You politely chuckled.

"What? Clones?" He questioned with a curious head tilt and goofy smile.

"No, a bunch of me running around" You corrected, earning a laugh from the soldier. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Well-" He started and got more comfortable in his seat. "I know these first few days can make you feel like a lab rat so I just wanted to check in on you, make sure you're doing and feeling okay."

In that moment, you realized there was nowhere to go. With your arms being the subject to experiment you couldn't run, you couldn't avoid, and you certainly couldn't ask him to leave. You almost wish your life long hero turned out to be an asshole because processing that he was rude would be easier than having to constantly run from the feelings in your own head.

"I'm okay" You reassured again.

"Then why do you look miserable?" He challenged.

"I told you it's just my face" You playfully reminded him.

"Maybe one of your clones will tell me the truth" He joked. "Nothing about this is easy. I struggled when I got here, and you were practically crying when you were hired on."

"You're really going to call me out like that? That's how this is?" Your eyebrows raised.

"That's how it is" he grinned. "Not to make this weird but I've been keeping an eye on you, and you seem very... tentative. Uncomfortable maybe?"

"Do you double as a therapist? Super hero by day, shrink by night?" You questioned.

"It's actually more time efficient to be a shrink from nine to five, then work in the superhero stuff after."

"Oh, right, makes total sense!" You agreed with the nonsense.

"Sorry to interrupt but we're going to start running some of this, but stay here. I'll be back in a few minutes to see if we need more" The nurse said before leaving the room with the vials.

"How many of those have you filled?" Steve questioned, referring to the vials.

"I lost track after 15"

"Well now I have to fire you because you lost track of the vial count" He poked.

"I had a good run, it was an honor." You agreed.

"I heard you kicked ass yesterday in your agility assessment"

"Yeah? Who'd you hear that from?" You questioned.

"The assessor who has been stuck in bed all day with sore muscles an a pull in his abdomen" Steve laughed.

"Oops?"

"You're a way better fit than Tony made you out to be, he let me review your resume. I'm impressed."

"Thank you, it means a lot. I don't have a flying suit or a special power but I'll definitely try my hardest to keep up."

"Is that what this is about?" He asked, head tilting to the side again.

"What?"

"Your miserable face?" He picked up the way your eyes never left the floor in front of his feet.

You stopped to think about your next words so you could choose them wisely. You didn't want to come off as the overly emotional woman or seem unfit for your new role. "I'm not miserable, I'm just having a hard time believing I should be here." You admitted half the truth as he crumbled your protective walls.

"I'm sure it won't help much to tell you that you're qualified for the job, but here I am running my mouth anyway." He made fun of himself. "But I dunno, based off your record it seems like you're not the type to doubt your ability."

"Typically I'm not, but you guys are just so... established. I don't really know how to work my way in."

"You don't have to work your way in, everyone already wants you around. All you have to do is show up." Steve smiled.

"It's a little hard to show up when I'm a lab rat"

"Which is why I came to you"

"So I'm not getting fired...?"

"Still don't know that yet" Steve shrugged. "You seem pretty close with Scott already"

"Yeah, he's really sweet. We talked about his podcast and what Cassie is up too. He thinks Cassie and I are really similar" You explained.

"I also saw you talking to Thor" He pointed out.

"Thor was nice, lots of flattery."

"Flirting is what he does best" Steve pointed out. "Bucky? Sam? Nat? Peter Parker?"

"I've talked to Sam and Spidey, not so much Bucky and Nat"

"Okay, so it's not just me you avoid"

Your eyes snapped up off the floor at his statement, a small grin spread across his lips.

"I don't avoid you" You furrowed your brows, lying straight through your teeth.

"This is the first time we've had a conversation since we've met, you didn't text me back, and you leave the room every time I enter it." He challenged.

"I don't-"

"But you do" He insisted with a kind expression. He wasn't standing off or angry, he was empathetic. He just wanted to make sure you we're okay. "Why do you do that?"

"Steve" You warned.

"Do I make you uncomfortable? Did I do something to upset you?" He questioned further. "If we're going to be a team, we have to be comfortable with each other. We have to get along... build trust."

"It's not you" You shook your head, back slumping against the back of your chair contemplating if you were about to spill your guts to him. "Not your fault"

You cursed yourself for making him feel like he did something wrong, for allowing your grief to cloud this experience for you.

"But there's something wrong?" He asked sympathetically.

"Kind've? but also not really, and it's definitely not you" You nervously played with your fingers.

"Is it hard to talk about?"

"How could you tell?" You questioned rhetorically.

"I'm not going to force you into talking about it, but is there anything I can do to make it better?"

"You didn't do anything in the first place so I can't imagine you have to prove anything to me to make it better"

"I don't want you running away from me anymore, I really really really want to be friends with you" He pleaded like a child, it brought a smile to your face.

Of course he wanted to be friends with you, the prettiest girl he's ever seen. Quite honestly, his brain screamed at him to run away every time he saw you too. His palms would sweat and his heart would race, yet for some reason you pulled him in like a magnet.

Steve saw so many traits in you that he had when he first came out of the ice. Avoidance, distance, you just looked lost. You made yourself small, scurried through common areas quiet and stealth as a mouse, yet when you were around anyone who wasn't one of the Avengers, you became larger than life. Self assured with a big ear to ear smile on your face like you ruled the whole entire world.

He saw the way your eyes stayed trained on the floor, your fingers were constantly intertwined with each other in an anxious attempt to find something to fidget with, while the inside of your bottom lip squished between your teeth.

He knew the feeling all too well, it was like being stuck inside yourself with no way out. He saw the pain, he saw the struggle, he saw himself in you and he desperately wanted to pull you out.

"We can be friends" You told him, he swore that was the first time he had ever seen your real smile. Your big bright teeth were such an addictive sight, he wanted to see it over and over again.

"That means not running away from me anymore" Steve challenged.

"Am I running away right now?" You asked.

"No, but you also have tiny plastic tubes in your veins, there's kind've nowhere for you to go"

"Hey, I have extensive medical training, I could take these out no problem if I wanted to!" You proved your point. "And just for the record, I don't like having casual friends, it's best friends or nothing at all."

"Then it's settled, we're best friends now" He agreed.

The couple days after that, you actually did start feeling better about the situation in general. The huge wave of grief finally settled into tiny ripples, allowing for you to pop you head above the surface to take a big deep breath.

Steve helped. A lot.

Every single morning without fail, he would greet you with wide arms and an even wider smile before saying "good morning, best friend!" and trapping you in the biggest hugs you've ever received.

You two would go about your work like the adults you were, but Steve turned into a dysfunctional codependent every single time he got off work.

He would shove other team members out of the way so you could sit next to him while watching movies, he forced you out of your shell and invited you to everything. Dinners, bars, workouts at the gym, game night.

Eventually everyone was getting jealous that Steve took up all your time, and created a demand for the supply of you.

Before you even knew it, it felt like you were the most sought out avenger on the team. When you entered a room with more than one of them, it felt like getting pulled in a million different directions for a million different reasons.

But you would have that over feeling lost and unwanted any day. You had to hand it to Steve, it was like this was his plan all along.

He took you into the palm of his hand until you were comfortable, then shared you with everyone else. It was like he was the only one who really truly saw you for who you were.

After two months, he really did feel like a best friend. When you looked at him you didn't see a product of your childhood, you didn't see little you running around the park with a plastic shield, the little girl that would love to be the grown version of yourself, you saw your best friend. Your favorite gossip buddy, the guy who preferred hot lattes over iced ones, a big softy who cried over Friday night romcoms with you, the gentle giant who encourages you with a push without making you topple over.

You still had a hard day every once in a while, times where your muscles were too sore to move and days you desperately wanted to talk to your parents. Steve was always the first one to see the internal conflict. He saw it in your posture, the twinkle in your eyes would fizzle, and your smile only reached half capacity, but you did a good job trying to hide it.

So good that he was typically the only one who saw it. And on those days, he still would never make you talk about it.

He would hug you a little longer to say good morning, drag you out on a run, then force you to relax with him after work.

You knew he saw your struggle, and you knew he tried to make you feel better without saying a single word about it.

That's the funny thing about healing. It wasn't linear. Good days and bad days alike, you were just happy to be surrounded by people who genuinely loved you now. A whole bunch of dysfunctional codependents- a whole bunch of best friends.

Another crazy phenomenon started happening, you started seeing all of Steve's behavior too. You could spot his draining social battery, his sleepiness after a restless night, his distaste in a raunchy conversation, you knew how he was feeling before he expressed it, you always saw it.

And what you didn't know, was that he was silently grieving too. It seemed like everyone knew but you, especially one morning when you woke up and you didn't see Steve in the living room.

You didn't get your morning hug from your best friend, no gym Buddy in sight.

You walked in, stopped in your tracks, then pouted.

"What's wrong, Princess?" Thor questioned, Asgardian accent popping out.

"Where's Steve?" You questioned, turning you head towards Natasha.

"Oh, it's October 15th." Nat informed you, as if that was supposed to ring a bell. "We never see Steve on October 15th"

You stood there throughly confused, cocking your head to the side.

"Oh yeah, it's National leave Steve Rogers alone day" Bucky giggled to himself.

"I'm so confused" You admitted, walking towards the kitchen island where Bucky and Nat stood around.

"It's the anniversary of his Mom's passing, he usually spends the day at the cemetery and doesn't like to be bothered." Bucky explained.

All you did was nod, you understood now.

"You know, it happened in 1936, you'd think he would be over it by now" Bucky added, causing an immediate pang in your heart. "It doesn't even feel like we're in the same world as her anymore, yet he always goes back."

"Rogers' is a very sensitive soul, you gotta let him have it" Nat playfully nudged Bucky's elbow.

The subject ended as fast as it started, and you certainly weren't going to bring it up again. You ate breakfast with them like business per usual, then went about the rest of your day.

The only difference is that you spent your downtime today going to the craft store to pick up supplies for something you haven't made since middle school, then you sat in your room with a romcom in the background while you worked away.

Once you were happy with the result and everyone else had gone to bed, you moved your movie over to the living room and waited for Steve to come home.

It took a few hours, but he stumbled through the door at around 11:30. He set his keys down on the counter, and kicked his shoes off by the door before dragging his feet all the way over to you and fell onto the couch with a heavy plop.

The whole couch was available, but he sat right next to you, so you took half your blanket and threw it over his lap. You pulled something out of your pocket, then grabbed his forearm and moved it so it was settled on your lap while you tied the product of your hard work around his wrist.

A friendship bracelet.

You made two of them, a bunch of threads knotted together now lived on both of your wrists as a symbol of your best friendship. The one you put on him was the colors of your suit, while the one you wore was red white and blue.

After you tied it on, you put your wrist next to his to show him what you had done.

Although you could see his tired and sad eyes, he still smiled. It was a genuine smile too, the kind that makes your whole face scrunch up.

"I've never had friendship bracelets with anyone before" He admitted while looking at you as if you had just forced his inner child out.

"Well now you do, congratulations" You grinned, speaking softly.

"You just made my whole day a million times better" He smiled. "I'm never taking it off, thank you. You're a peach"

"You are very welcome, best friend" You grinned before turning you attention back to the movie. "Juno, have you ever seen it?"

"Mhm, I love this movie" He gave a small nod.

"Wanna watch with me? I can restart it, I don't mind."

"You're doing that thing, aren't you?" He questioned sheepishly.

"Thing? What thing?" You questioned even though you were definitely doing that thing.

"The thing I always do to you. Where you know I had a bad day, and you're trying to cheer me up without forcing me to talk about it?"

"Oh! That thing!" You exaggerated. "Pssst, why would I ever do that? Of course if you were having a bad day I'd let you suffer alone. Who do you think I am? Mother Theresa? I don't offer those services, Rogers. I'm glad you had a terrible time."

"You suck" He scrunched up his nose.

"What can I say? I'm a terrible awful no good human being" You shrugged. "Which is exactly why you are going to eat ice cream with me, and we're going to watch Juno. Oh! And if you're really good, maybe tomorrow I'll teach you how to make friendship bracelets so you can make some for your boyfriends"

"My boyfriends?"

"Sam and Bucky obviously"

"Oh, right" He hummed before letting his head hit the back of the couch. His smile faded fast but he was trying really hard not to kill the mood.

"Would talking about it make you feel better?" You asked sympathetically. "Bucky kinda told me what was up, but not in great detail."

"I don't even know what there is to say. It's been so long, yet every year on this day if feels like it just happened yesterday. I don't even know if my own mother would recognize me if she saw me now."

"Of course she would, you look the same! Just taller" You smiled. "Did you have a good relationship with your mom?"

"Yeah, the best. The best heart I've ever known"

"Well, obviously she passed that down to you"

"I don't know about that, but I'll take it" He pressed his hand to his chest. "I'll get over it. It's silly. Just one day a year where I can't seem to shake it, but I'll be okay."

"Of course you'll be okay, but I don't think it's silly. Losing a parent isn't something you just get over, it's okay to welcome that grief and sit in it for a little while. It's a beautiful reminder of all the love you still have for her." You reminded him. "You don't always have to be the tough guy."

"What are your parents like?" Steve asked, finally looking at your face.

"Dead" you said bluntly.

"Nice, mine too" he laughed at your answer.

"We just have so much in common!" You faked enthusiasm. "My dad is dead, he passed when I was 12. My mom is figuratively dead, she also passed when I was 12 but unfortunately I didn't get a chance to discard the remains until I was 18"

"Did you kill your mother?" He whispered jokingly.

"I probably should've" you whispered back, earning not so quiet laughter. "She's been calling me for weeks wondering where I am, but I really think she would be happier if one of us was dead"

"She doesn't know you're an Avenger now?" He questioned seeming genuinely surprised.

"The only people that know are my old commanding officers" You admitted. "Probably the only people who care."

"They must be very proud"

"Okay, this is not about me" You giggled, trying to steer the conversation away from all the emotions that tend to consume you.

"I'm proud of you" He ignored your plea.

His words hit you like semi truck, you had to bite your bottom lip to keep it from quivering and giving away all the emotions flooding your brain.

"I wanna hear more about your mom" You told him in another desperate attempt.

"I'm the sad one, which means I get to choose what we talk about to make me feel better, which means I want to know why you get so worked up around me sometimes." He lifted his hand just to poke your arm.

You covered your face with your hands before letting out a dramatic groan that caused him to laugh. "So embarrassing"

"What could possibly be so embarrassing?" He asked, gently prying your hands away from your face. "I'm probably the least judgmental person you'll ever meet" he smiled when your eyes poked out.

"God- I hate you, Rogers" You complained in defeat.

"Mhm, tell me more" A laugh erupted from his chest.

"Do I really have to?" You complained.

"No" He shook his head. "If it's still too hard to talk about we don't have to" He dropped the act and let go of your wrists.

He was so sweet, the sugar rotted away your brick wall. Oh, and when he looked at you with those big, blue, puppy dog eyes you couldn't deny him of anything.

"Ugh! Fine!" You surrendered. "I'll tell you but I swear if you laugh or make fun of me I'll never tell you anything ever again!"

All he did was smirk and lift up his pinky finger to wrap around yours, a non-verbal promise. "We have friendship bracelets for a reason! I take this very seriously, best friend."

"Okay. When I was a kid I had three ultimate heroes" You started, taking a moment to acclimate to the embarrassment. "My dad, my mom, and you."

"Me?!" He pointed to himself with a big goofy smile on his face.

"You" You nodded. "My parents were both military and you were... well... you, so I just thought the three of you guys were just the epitome of what a human should be. I dunno, I guess back then it was so simple, such a sacred part of my childhood."

"I am pretty cool, aren't I?" He joked.

"You suck, I hate you now, remember?" You joked back. "Don't let this inflate you're ego."

"They do say don't meet your heroes" He nudged you with his shoulder.

"All of that was before my dad passed and my relationship with my mom got complicated." You further explained. "It's really weird for me, most of my life I thought you were dead. And now, during such a pivotal point in my life, I don't have either of my parents but I have you. Having someone around again that means so much to me and be so kind to me has been an adjustment. I appreciate you so much, but sometimes I can't help but to think of how complete I would feel if i still had my parents to see all of this craziness. In a weird way, it makes me grieve all over again."

"When my mom passed, I was too sick to even tie my own shoes. My dad was gone before I was even born. I always wonder what my mom would say if she say all of this. A part of me thinks she would be happy for me, but a bigger part of me thinks I'd give the poor woman a heart attack if she knew what I've been up to" He explained. "Sometimes, all I want to do is just talk to her. Tell her about how life has been going, let her know everything about me. But I can't. And it seems like you can't do that either, so when you feel that way, just come talk to me. I'll always listen, okay?"

You nodded and swallowed back a lump in your throat. You know your behavior at the beginning of this journey all made sense to him now, it was like he could finally see you for who you actually are, rather than who he thought you might've been.

"You need a hug?" He asked.

"You give the best hugs" You nodded.

He held his arms out for you, inviting you into his personal space. You accepted by snuggling close and holding him just as tight as he was holding you.

"I really am proud of you" he insisted. "Thank you for trusting me"

"I guess I don't hate you that bad"

"Yes! Best complement ever" he happily accepted. "See?! We're still best friends!"

“Uh huh” You sarcastically giggled as he let you go.

In such a short amount of time, you already found yourself missing his touch.

Next part: Touch

#captain america fluff #captain america #captain america x reader #mcu x reader #steve rogers #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers fluff #steve rogers x reader #chris evans fluff #mcu fanfiction #chris evans #marvel #captain america blurb #chris evans x reader #marvel x reader #steve rogers drabble #bucky barnes #fan fiction #masterlist #mcu fluff #rogersideup #five senses #sight #steve rogers series #Steve Rogers smut

[boywifesammy]

s5e11 sam, interrupted is THE EPISODE. it’s a fucking cinematic pipe bomb. watching it is like chewing on glass and swallowing propane. it is wonderful, it is amazing, it is EXCRUCIATING and i love it. allow me to explain.

(under the cut because i ended up rambling lol)

like, yes… it is extremely ableist. it is extremely offensive. it is an overdone harmful caricature of psych wards and horrific to watch but that is EXACTLY what makes it so good. i’ve never seen spn as a horror show but man this episode?? the psychological distress of it, the unease, the dereality??? it has me frothing at the mouth.

as someone who has tics and PTSD i have first hand experience being labelled as Crazy so that’s the lens i’m coming at this from. this episode is most definitely not a reliable source for mental health info but the way they portrayed martin’s character kinda got me. him stuttering over certain words, his general paranoia, how they clearly address that he went through a deeply traumatic event but that he’s still useful as a hunter even though he can’t do the things he used to before. i don’t think the writers intended for this episode to be viewed the way i did but man i am shaking it around in my cranium like a snow globe.

just the first few minutes of it is insane. dean acknowledging that sam was high on demon blood and that the apocalypse wasn’t his fault. seeing the absolute absurdity of the show in perspective with real life. dean admitting to his psych doctor that he's an insomniac, alcoholic, and incapable of holding long-terms relationships with his usual blase nonchalance, then immediately clamming up when she hits him with the "let's talk about your father." ??!!! i know dean is The daddy issues character but i love when they call him out like that.

and how can i Not point out the blatant assault and objectification… wendy forcefully making out with both sam AND dean. them both getting probed by the fucking monster of the week not even 10 minutes into the episode. SAM BEING TIED DOWN. i cannot explain to you how much i love seeing him restrained. the moment i saw sam tied down and angry i literally vibrated out of my skin that boy must be helpless and restrained more often it is beautiful.

on a sort of related note: high sam. yes. just yes. the little nose boop. him telling dean I Love You. getting all emotional about how much he cares about his brother. the themes of his autonomy being stripped. him being drugged up against his will when he’s a recovering drug addict????? INSANE.

also one thing that really stood out to me was dean being diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic with narcissistic personality disorder and religious delusions. which, yes, is inaccurate, but seems more like a misinterpretation of his PTSD symptoms. dean isn’t schizophrenic but he IS paranoid and he’s trained himself so thoroughly to weaponize his feelings that even to HIMSELF he seems narcissistic, when he’s really just scared and desperate. he externalizes his self-hatred as this overfed bravado but it’s because if he was honest about how he felt about himself the guy would simply fall apart.

expanding on that note… sam&dean meta on how they react to trauma & grief. dean immediately clams up and becomes anxious and terrified. he shrouds himself in so much false confidence but he genuinely hates himself so fucking much. so much that he just sits with his pain because he thinks he deserves it, while sam wants to externalize. he’s angry and that scares him because of what’s in his blood but the truth is that he has every right to be angry. he wants to be gentle but he has so much repressed rage that it bursts out of him and leaves him terrified in the aftermath. dean on the other hand wants to be angry but he’s so scared and critical of himself that he shuts down.

and the ending. my god the ending. dean telling sam to wrap it up and stuff it down. it’s excruciating to watch because dean’s advice is fucking shit but it’s also heart-breaking because it puts into perspective just how much these boys have on their conscience.

they PHYSICALLY cannot deal with their trauma. it is so awful and overwhelming that they could not function if they remembered it, so they forget about it. they push it down. they hide it away, and it’s so fucking refreshing to have an episode that acknowledges that they do that because THAT IS A TRAUMA RESPONSE. it is quite literally a SURVIVAL tactic. people who are severely traumatized will wipe their memory of traumatic events because they cannot function with it in the peripheral. this is a clear manifestation of sam and dean’s PTSD and how when they’re faced with these problems, their emotions take over and they completely lose themselves, whether that’s due to fear or rage.

the horror of this episode isn’t the wraith. it isn’t the silly little monster sucking out people’s brains. it’s the thing inside you. it is the imagery of these people hanging or with slit wrists being passed off as suicidal because they’re mentally ill. it is the ugly truth of trauma and the ways it twists your memory and self-worth. it is the inherent belief that someone is worthless if they are psychotic or paranoid. it’s the way the episode puts that perspective on sam and dean, shows them what it’s like to hallucinate and drags up their own repressed memories and puts them on full display. it is TRULY horrifying and it is GRIM and NASTY because it is about the human psyche and the horrible ways it can be twisted. it’s a fucking phenomenal episode if you can read the subtext and get past the whole “scary psych ward bad” wrapping.

#oc #supernatural #spn meta #episode analysis #spn 5x11 sam interrupted #sam and autonomy #dean winchester #sam winchester #tw ptsd #tw sui talk #tw sa #tw drugs #hello :) #tagging triggers because this one is a bit of a doozy #i went a little bit crazy watching this episode could you tell #i am very sorry to dump my ramblings on your dash but HEAR ME OUT HERE— #anyways. ANYWAYS.