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undercityrezident · 1 year

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My Commentary on Pokemon Scarlet

Way back in—wait, when was it… April, May? February even?—whenever it was we saw the first trailer for Pokemon Scarlet and Violet, I was gobsmacked because I absolutely did not expect to see a new Pokemon game so soon. I was taken so by surprise by it that I was almost confused. I was thinking to myself, “Man, it feels so soon after just getting done with Pokemon Legends: Arceus that I’m still coming down from it. And there’s already another one coming on the horizon. Is it too soon? Did they even have enough time to make this game?”

Yes, as a Pokemon fan, I was asking myself: am I getting too many Pokemon games too quickly?

It feels like there’s some measure of absurdity in that, but having read and written work about crunch time in the video game industry (not on this blog, but for school), I feel like the cost for Game Freak putting out another game would be too high. And I don’t mean monetarily. I’m sure they’re raking in the green, but I’m talking about other costs: the costs to the sanity of developers and the costs to customers on the quality of game they’re getting for modernly full-priced triple-A games. I could also cite the cost of Game Freak’s reputation but I don’t know if that’s worth mentioning in the same breath as the former two. Plus, I’m starting to worry the franchise and the Pokemon Company no longer have the esteemed reputation they once had for putting out great quality games.

Okay, let me try and turn the tracks on this train before it becomes a full-on rant on my annoyances with video game industry standards and my tendency to wax on at length about where the Pokemon franchise is going. I’m here to review Pokemon Scarlet. Yes, just Scarlet. I’m only paying for one of these games. I’m a student and don’t have money to burn on both versions. Given what I saw, especially toward the end of the game, maybe there are some differences in Violet that make for a different tone in the story, but I won’t be able to account for that in this review.

I should also list out where I am in the game so that folks know exactly where I’m coming from when I write this review so I can get flamed in the manner of: “Oh Rez! You need to do this, this, and this to get the full experience of the game!” I do think I’ve completed most of the actual substance in the game to make what I feel is a legitimate review. But, like my other reviews, this is largely something for me to just get my feelings about the game on some medium so I can properly look back at it later and either cringe or feel some sort of justification for my struggles, frustrations, or feelings of accomplishment. At any rate, listed below are what I’ve done so far for context so that you, my few-and-far-between readers, can see the context from which I’m coming at this assessment of Pokemon Scarlet. Suffice to say, from this point on, there’ll be major spoilers:

· I’ve completed the main three storylines.

· I’ve finished the Area Zero arc that comes after the three storylines.

· I’ve gotten about 320 or so out of 400 pokemon in the pokedex.

· I’m still working on the four ghosts Professor Raifort tasked me with finding.

· I still need to find another Sweet Herb Mystica for Professor Saguaro.

· I did my victory lap with all the gym leaders.

· I finished my first School Tournament.

· I’ve peeked into just about every nook and cranny in Paldea’s huge map.

Ok? We good on establishing where I am? Ok, let’s get to the meat and potatoes of this review.

The World of Paldea

Pokemon, especially in more recent generations, has been notoriously slow to start their games and hook me in. Lengthy tutorials and exposition are the names of the game with Game Freak. I can’t entirely blame them, as they have to make introductions that help new fans integrate into the game while also cementing established or new features for veterans. That said, it takes quite a while for us to get to a point where we feel like we’re finally being unleashed on this promised open world.

Pokemon Scarlet has this problem too, unfortunately. Grant you, I’m an obsessive explorer who has to see everything available to me—side content and every little hiding spot on the map—before I push forward in the plot. Still, I think streamlining the introduction up through to when the treasure hunt starts would make the start of the game feel a lot less dull for me. My interest wasn’t truly seized until I finally found myself starting on the game’s three main quests.

That said, this world is expansive and, at least at a distance, pretty to look at. Paldea has some great vistas and I definitely wouldn’t mind settling down to live there if I had the chance. Compared to other open-world games that can feel quite empty, this one feels pretty lively from the differing environment types and the fact that pokemon… are… everywhere. You won’t go more than 20 meters before you see another lone pokemon, or even a swarm, that either draws your interest or force you to change course to avoid them.

On top of that, Paldea has a littering problem that certainly needs addressing. There’s a wealth of items both visible and less so scattered around the region. If you’re one to build up your stock of potions and other battle-item essentials, you’ll barely have to spend money at stores, as the world itself seems to provide it in abundance for the obsessive explorer such as myself. I usually only had to restock on pokeballs at stores, mainly due to my obscenely bad luck with pokemon catch rates.

And exploring has other perks too, such as how I was able to catch my adorable ghost pupper, Greavard, early due to a Tera Raid Battle in the first area. That was a nice find and a treat to start with.

Beyond the starting area, the game offers a diverse landscape. From grasslands to a scorching desert to a, chilling mountain, Paldea mixes up its environments. Admittedly, it seems mostly green and grassy at the start, but the diversity comes when it’s needed: toward the middle and the end of the game. Sorry, no fiery volcano level for you fire-type lovers, though the fire types themselves aren’t absent in this game, so don’t worry.

Of course, there are barriers to this exploration. Compared to some other open-world games, you can’t just go anywhere immediately, at least not without consequence to you and your feeble starting team. While you can choose how you explore, either east or west from the main city, or both if you want to be like me and inflate your playtime, the pokemon levels in the zones increase from area to area. I had hoped that levels would scale with you and the number of badges, titans, or squads you’d bested, but sadly, that level of dynamic world adaptation was not programmed into this game. I think it would’ve greatly enhanced the fluidity of game completion if you were able to truly go about and do this game in any order you wanted, but maybe there were some logistical issues that I wasn’t aware of that necessitated the existing system.

Barriers also exist in the form of what capabilities your ride pokemon, the legendary Koraidon (or Miraidon if you’re playing Violet) is capable of. While I don’t recall anything essential to game completion being put firmly off-limits (except for the final titan requiring surf) by these mechanics, it does open up new, more convenient, and more fun ways to explore the landscape. Once you’ve unlocked the ability to dash, high-jump, surf, glide, and climb, the world really opens up to you and you feel like an absolute badass as you explore even the roughest, most remote regions of Paldea… even though it’s your ride pokemon doing all the work.

That said, for all my praise, there are a few issues I find with this world.

I would be remiss if I didn’t discuss one of the big things that have been on everyone’s mind when it comes to this game: the graphics. I’ll try not to dwell on it too long, as countless people on the internet already have. But, as I said before, the game looks great… at a distance. Get up close though, and that’s a different story.

Like in Pokemon Legends: Arceus, the textures leave something to be desired, and the framerates for characters, pokemon—or any moving object in the distance, such as a windmill—are absurdly choppy until you get close enough for the game to decide to start rendering them at an acceptable rate. While I’d thought Legends would be a tech test for this generation and thus would improve on its performance, I found the graphical quality and framerate issues to be even worse in this game. I would even caution those with any sort of epileptic condition to prepare themselves for flickering lights in places where shadows keep appearing and disappearing without apparent cause. I know I found it a bit of an eye strain at times.

Admittedly, I recognize a lot of these issues stem from the fact Scarlet and Violet are ambitiously large games and their zones aren’t rigidly segmented like in Legends, but we’ve seen other games from earlier in this console cycle perform much, much better—cough, Breath of the Wild, cough. Again, I chalk this up to the obscenely short development time on the game. There are clearly optimization issues and other ways this game could’ve been smoothed out if the proper time and care had been taken. But Game Freak seems quite obsessed with the idea of putting out a Pokemon game every year. And this isn’t the only part of the world that suffers as a result.

While there’s a diversity in landscapes in Paldea, there’s very little creativity in the naming of these regions. The towns and a few specific areas get names: Glaseado Mountain, Asado Desert, and Casseroya Lake just to name the ones I can recall off the top of my head. But the great majority of areas and regions don’t even have a name. Now, if this were an unexplored, unestablished region, that would make sense. But Paldea, as noted in the game’s own history class, is a region that’s been inhabited for thousands of years by a once-powerful empire and is now a modern country. You’d expect some great naming conventions for the areas in-game. Instead, all we get are descriptors along the lines of “South Province: Area One” or “North Province: Area Two.” While I understand the Great Crater of Paldea being named Area Zero for dramatic effect and the idea that it’s generally been a place humanity has not been able to colonize or explore until recently, I don’t think that naming theme did any favours outside of that forbidding place. I think so much character could’ve been added if they’d named these areas properly. And yes, I know we’re talking about a franchise that routinely names areas “Route 17” or “Route 22,” but this is a game that’s supposed to defy standard conventions of the franchise with its open-world concept. The naming of its areas should reflect that initiative as well. Again, this lack of polish in even the naming smells of the limited development time the game was put under.

That all said, I do think Paldea is an amazing place and I’m happy to have been able to explore every little cave and cliffside. Exploration of the massive landscape is even encouraged from an in-game perspective, with flight points gained from finding Paldea’s ten famous landmarks. From Cortondo’s Olive Fields to Glaseado’s Peak, the world is fun to explore, and I actively encourage you to do so, especially if your goal is to fill your bag with potions or to fill your PC with mons.

How We Play in Paldea

The gameplay in Pokemon Legends: Arceus gave us a new way of looking at how a Pokemon game could play—or even should play. It was tailored for a new paradigm and design philosophy that I hoped the franchise would take: give the players the choice in how they approach exploring the world and catch pokemon. You could chuck an endless stream of balls at pokemon after creeping around in the grass and luring them over with bait to ensure a better catch rate. Or you could dive into battle and capture them the conventional way. It was liberating to have the ability to choose.

In that regard, Pokemon Scarlet took a step backwards.

I will wholeheartedly admit, discovering couldn’t catch pokemon in the same way as I did in Legends put me off the game at the start, probably contributing to my dislike of the game’s introduction. Instead, I was forced to get into a battle, weaken the wild pokemon, and throw balls until I get it while my poor team members soak hits for every failed catch attempt—not something enjoyable as someone with shit luck when it comes to catch rates. Now, I won’t say that the system in Legends was perfect, but, thinking Legends was a tech test for this generation, I figured that the system would be improved upon. The fact it wasn’t implemented at all was disappointing, considering how they decided to iterate on the open-world concept that Legends brought to the table. I got over it as I played, but the wish for this more dynamic way of approaching how I filled out my pokedex was something that teased the back of my mind the whole time I played. At least quick balls are still in the game, thank Arceus.

One thing that I’m fine with being left in the misty past of Legends was the new battle system. It was intriguing and a nice departure from the main series’ methods, but I found it rather unpredictable, especially combined with the absurd power and tendency towards revenge KO’s that littered Legends. The traditional way of doing battles still seems more balanced to me, though I’m not opposed to Game Freak trying their hand at the other system again when they inevitably try to do another Legends-type game. Maybe they’ll refine it enough next time that I’ll like it over the current system. But, in the meantime, the main-line battle system works well enough, and I still enjoy it.

Imported, to some degree, from Legends, is the ride pokemon system. While you had several different pokemon that could help ferry you around Hisui’s landscapes, in Paldea, you have one legendary pokemon you get near the start of the game. As you complete tasks in the titan pokemon storyline, your legendary ride, Koraidon, gains the ability to dash, high jump, surf, glide, and climb. What’s more, it ties almost neatly into the story being told in the titan storyline, making it feel both rewarding and helping to cement your bond with your goofy lizard on whose back you’re on the majority of the game. I have and will continue to advocate for the riding pokemon model, as it’s far superior to the HM system from the days of yore and fits very well into world traversal in Paldea.

That said, crossing Paldea is not without its own set of pitfalls, and not due to the adverse weather conditions you’ll face—and believe me, with the majority of your battles, even gym battles, taking place outside, you’ll be dealing with plenty of that. I’m talking about, yet again, something that’s taken the internet by storm: the glitchy and scuffed way you interact with the world.

Now, I knew going into this game that it wasn’t polished, so I set my expectations low. I also knew that the internet has a way of blowing things way, way out of proportion. I’m pleased to say that I didn’t encounter anything game-breaking, nor any goofy character model glitches, and I had only full-on game crash (though plenty of slowdowns that had me spamming the save feature for fear that I was on the cusp of one). I didn’t even fall through the world once! But I did freak out when I saw a whole squad of Golduck come out of a cliff wall to try and assault me. And there were plenty of times I saw pokemon simply standing partly inside a wall, reminding me of poor Han Solo in his slab of carbonite from The Empire Strikes Back.

I wasn’t always completely fortunate in avoiding glitches and issues though. As battles tend to reposition your character for space, my character was placed on a slope that ended up having me slide ingloriously into the sea after the battle was done, and there were plenty of times I couldn’t even see my pokemon battle since it spawned into a wall as a part of the battle arrangement. And I can’t forget the time I skidded around Levincia City on Koraidon stuck in his downward falling animation until the game decided to black out and reset me. I’ll be honest, all these instances made me laugh out of the sheer absurdity of it. None of these glitches caused me too much delay or caused a loss of progress, but these are all things that could’ve been handled so much better and allowed me to immerse myself in the game that much more deeply if the game had been allowed to bake for another six months to a year.

Another thing that could’ve benefitted from that time is something I find a lot more damning and frustrating though: the user experience. What do I mean by this? Well, to start, menus were laboriously slow to load sprites of pokemon, particularly in the box menu. Considering how often I went into this menu, I feel like I could’ve shaved several hours off my play time for time spent loading the pokemon in the boxes. As well, I found myself rarely changing my look and clothing because my character model took twice, or even thrice as long to load as my pokemon in their boxes. I find myself confused by why menus are so slow, considering that they have nothing to do with the world, which I imagine is what takes up most of the processing power. Again, this might be an optimization issue that isn’t as easy to resolve without more time. Worse yet, sometimes menu elements would overlap in annoying ways, such as experience screens popping up over status bars in double battles, or prompts overlapping pokedex text when I’d caught a new mon. And then, on top of this, about 10% of the time I picked up a new item and it popped up a text box to explain what it was, it would disappear before I pressed anything else, leaving me no chance to read it and have to play a game of “What’s this new item that’s popped up in my inventory!” Not fun when your back is stuffed full of goodies already.

But another thing I should mention that frustrated me was how the world didn’t pause when you did. I found it interesting, and perhaps even charming at first, to bring up my menu to muck around with my team while wild pokemon wandered up to me and made their cute little noises as they looked at me with all their curiosity and wonder. But later in the game, I found it an absolute pain, since most pokemon were aggressive, and would actively camp your spot while you were paused, so that the moment you vacated your menu, you would be thrust into a battle you didn’t want. Heck, even during battles the world continued to move around you, which I have to admit, was kind of cool. I loved the idea of drawing a crowd of pokemon to witness our battles in the wilderness. But even that got tiresome as the fifth Tauros charged me immediately after I finished with its companion’s battle, leaving me in a chain of endless battles that, more likely than not, left my team a wreck as I tried and repeatedly failed to run away from them. In a sense, it almost resembled griefing from MMOs I used to play, and that didn’t leave a great taste in my mouth.

And you know how that problem was solved in Legends?

You could—quite literally—move your character in battle and run away physically. How amazing would that have been? This was another feature inexplicably absent from Pokemon Scarlet that I loved. Moving your character in battles, even to the degree you could have yourself being knocked over by standing in the way of moves, was goofy and fun: feelings I have and want to continue and associate with the Pokemon franchise. It would’ve likely solved most or all of the problems I had with griefing pokemon and the weird battle position issues.

But, all of this aside, the classic core gameplay of pokemon is still present and still works very well. But that’s the thing: it’s just the classic stuff. In terms of gameplay, we had something great on our hands in Legends, even if it was an unpolished gem. I had so desperately hoped it would be refined and made to gleam in this game. But alas, that is not what we received. I’m hoping, as time and the series goes on, that we can revisit these new ideas and implement them into the main games to help the series evolve beyond the standard that’s been repeated for nine generations now.

The Distinct Stories of Paldea

Much as the introduction of the game is mired by a slow start in terms of gameplay (i.e. the delay of the true appearance of the game’s open-world nature), I found the opening of the game’s story to be equally underwhelming. I won’t say that I ever expect much in terms of story from the Pokemon games. The series has never been too well known for that sort of thing, barring a few exceptions like Gen 5’s attempts to cast a shadow over the concept of pokemon battling and ownership with N and Team Plasma. That said, even from the first trailer explaining the concept of the school academy angle the story was taking, I was not a fan of the idea. Having finished the game, I’m still not fond of the school angle.

While it’s certainly possible that a school setting can make for exciting narrative works, it fell flat for me here, and frankly, I don’t think it’s a great fit for pokemon games in general. It worked to a minor degree in Pokemon Sun and Moon’s anime, but I still would’ve liked Ash to have just travelled around Alola more as opposed to resetting to the school all the time. But this isn’t about what Ash did in the anime. This is about what school means for these games. And I think it really was wholly unnecessary since we ended up leaving school for an independent study/journey anyway.

To me, the initial school arc of the story was fodder, and all it did was set the stage for us to travel around the region on our treasure hunt and introduce us to the characters. Setting the stage for our adventure and introducing characters are admirable goals, but we didn’t need all the lengthy pageantry that came with our enrolment in school to meet these characters. Hell, we met Nemona, our rival and precious battling-obsessed cinnamon roll, at her house minutes after we set foot out of our own house and we didn’t need much more than that to realize what her character was about. I would’ve been just as fine with meeting Arven through a sandwich shop that could’ve doubled as a good way to tutorial us through the picnic system and learn about the titan/herb mystica quest from there. As for Penny, it’s harder to integrate her storyline without the school setting. Maybe the school could be a resource used on the side rather than being forced through it and the Starfall Street quest line could’ve been what introduced us to the school as an option for additional tips and interactions. I do love that the school seems to function on post-secondary rules in terms of when and how you enroll and how you take classes. As such, emphasizing that quality by making interacting with the school an option rather than something forced and contrived would’ve felt a lot better and more interesting to me.

That said, I do love all the teachers at the academy. They’re all rich with personality and zest, and it was perhaps the sole redeeming quality of the whole school concept. Feel free to let me know which professor you liked the best, and why it was Professor Raifort.

But, once you’re past that nonsense and finally get the chance to travel Paldea, the school angle tends to fall a bit into the background. Yes, you’re still on your treasure hunt, but the school angle is played down on two of the three questlines. The school setting constricted us, but thankfully, the freedom of travelling for our independent study feels a lot more liberating. I just wish we’d gotten to it a bit faster.

But, as I mentioned, and as most of you have no doubt heard from trailers and the like, the game is split into three quests. Now, in the way I played the game, I chose to complete the challenges levied by each questline in batches based on their area and level range. I’m not sure if you could zip through a single quest line without rapidly falling behind on your required levels, but it seemed to me that completing these quests a little at a time and swapping to another seemed to be the best way of going about the game while levelling at a steady pace. Swapping also helped to pace out each story, since there wasn’t a whole lot to each one: there are eight gyms, five titans/herbs, and five gangs affiliated with Team Star. Not quite enough to make each one feel like a deep, rich narrative if you chose to hyperfixate on one to the exclusion of all others.

But that’s fine! I feel like the intended method was to space out these encounters so that you could take in Paldea one province at a time and dip into these storylines little by little. I think it’s very much to the benefit of the game’s story to have separated these ideas into three distinct narratives because it gives some much-needed focus on certain story elements. The previous iterations of the Pokemon series lost out on this opportunity due to these elements being subjected to a homogenized blend of badge collecting versus intermittent interference by the games’ villainous teams. It made each of these smaller stories a little richer for it.

“Victory Road,” the game’s quest for collecting badges, pits you versus the gyms as you have in most previous Pokemon games. It’s simple, tried and tested, and true to form. And you get to see the lovable Nemona time and time again. There were times I wondered if she was stalking me, and there’s even a one-off comment she makes that plays on that worry, which did make it feel pretty funny in the moment. But that doesn’t stop Nemona from being endearing and adorable and one of my favourite rivals for her sheer exuberance and energy. You also get to talk with her a lot more than most of your rivals historically, so that in itself helps make her a more relatable and enjoyable character to see grow with you. Or rather, she tends to watch you grow and keeps testing you along the way, given she’s already at the top of her game. It’s an interesting angle to take on a rival, and an actively supportive one compared to most friendly rivals in previous games, and one I enjoyed very much. Also helps she’s cute as heck.

As to the gym leaders themselves, I’m happy to say that Game Freak has continued with the tradition of making interesting personalities and main/side-gigs central to their characters. There are some big hits and small misses in my opinion though. Iono is a standout for me, with her gym challenge showing off her personality and her very transparent need to get more views and subs as a streamer. In her case, I’m not sure if she was written like that to be a reflection of what the developers think of people in that profession or as a parody, but she’s easily one of the most memorable gym leaders.

Though… Grusha… I love that man. He’s so cool… But no really, the fact his background has him lecturing you about being reckless as a trainer as a way to emphasize the lesson he learned after an injury led to the end of his snowboarding career—and subsequently being so cold about it… haha—really speaks to great characterization in my books. It’s especially apparent when you beat him a second time that it was a hard lesson for him to learn and something hard for him to overcome.

And if we’re talking about personality in a gym leader, we definitely need to mention Ryme, the MC of RIP! She’s fantastic but suffers from what Piers did in Sword and Shield, that is to say… she, and a lot of people in this game, really need some voice acting. Especially when it comes to these musical gym leaders and characters, there’s so much awkwardness in seeing character swing and lip-sync to a beat but with no actual sound or song to back it up.

On the other end of the gym leader theming spectrum, I found Tulip to be an odd choice for the psychic type. The link between her personality, motivations, and the psychic type didn’t stand out for me as much as that with other gym leaders. Also, I think Tulip might’ve been abusing her friendship with Professor Dendra to get her to run the psychic gym challenge, but I might’ve been reading into it a bit much.

Also, on a minor note, I felt some of the gym challenges lacked the depth they had in Sword and Shield. I know that isn’t saying much, but a few of them felt… almost tacked on compared to others. Again, I bet this was a problem due to the limited development time.

Of course, at the end of this storyline, we had to take on the Elite Four and the Top Champion: Chairwoman Geeta. This was an interesting challenge in itself because it started with an interview where you had to pick a gym leader you had the hardest time with. For me, it had been Larry, the normal-type gym leader. And guess who was the third member of the Elite Four: LARRY! I thought, for certain, this meant that your choice in those questions actively influenced whom you’d meet in the Elite Four as your third challenger. Suffice to say, I was crushed when I found out it was a mere coincidence. I thought it was an absolute stroke of genius that these questions might influence how your elite four fight went since it was so odd to have an interview before the battles. The idea of disguising that one choice with all these other questions seemed so clever to me, especially for a Pokemon game. But nope… it was just Larry all this time. Which is fine, I love the guy, but how brilliant would it be if they brought in the gym leader you had the hardest time with? Ah, well, for a little while, I was awed at the idea of Game Freak doing that.

As an aside, I do want to compliment Pokemon Scarlet on the idea of making champions a level of trainer, rather than a distinct, singular trainer in this region. I think it makes a lot more sense and I hope it’s an idea they carry forward into future games.

But this game doesn’t just have the gym challenge; next, we have “The Path of Legends” questline featuring Arven, a young man who I was decidedly not a fan of to start until we learned his secret. That secret: he’s a softie for his dog for whom he’s going on a whole mythical quest to save. There’s a lesson here in narrative: if you ever want to make a character more sympathetic and relatable, have them pet a dog. No, but seriously, the moment we learned about Mabosstiff and Arven’s dedication to that big, good doggo was perhaps one of the most tender and heartfelt moments in the game. And then we got more of that as our dark-type dog friend got more and more of its vitality back with each new herb mystica we found. On top of that, each time we found one, it felt well-earned because each of the titans’ fights felt pretty epic, or at least fun and well-earned. It definitely felt reminiscent, perhaps even a bit old-hat, as it felt like we were fighting a mix of an alpha pokemon and a totem pokemon. But the encounters added more variety to the world and the story itself. And learning about Mabosstiff merited enough motivation on my end to look past the gimmick central to this storyline.

Finally, we come to “Starfall Street,” the third storyline featuring Penny, our adorable friend with their eevee backpack. Now, never let it be said that pokemon did anything with any sort of subtlety. This storyline’s twist is easy to see from a mile away. After encountering Penny when she’s accosted by Team Star thugs trying to be a bit pushy about getting her to join, we get a mysterious call from someone named Cassiopeia who puts us on a quest to dismantle the various squads making up Team Star: five in all. We take on the extremely entertaining and goofy personalities of the leaders of these gangs (Mela, Giacomo, Atticus, Ortega, and Eri) to have them surrender their positions as leaders and essentially dissolve the squads one by one. As we go on, we learn an intriguing and, at times, touching story about a group of students who were victims of bullying who come together to fight their oppressors. As someone who was bullied, I absolutely loved this idea and could only dream of something like this happening. It turns out they succeeded, but at a cost that had their big boss—no not the one from Metal Gear—disappear on them and leave the squads to grow out of control and become something of a menace. We learn more and more about these five leaders’ precious friendships and, in the end, I almost felt guilty for having to continue along our path and end Team Star.

Now, remember that plot twist I mentioned earlier? As it turns out, Cassiopeia was their big boss. And in another big, though easily foreseen twist, Cassiopeia was revealed to be Penny herself. As a shy, computer-savvy type, we got to see her little by little over the course of the story as someone who gave you supplies during your quest to end Team Star. Given this character development, it was easy to see that she would’ve been Cassiopeia, but it didn’t make the story any less impactful for me. Her bond with her allies made the final battle with her all the more enjoyable and climactic. Also, an all-eeveelution team? Ballsy, but I like it! Goes nice with your backpack, Penny!

I have to say though, one of the standout moments of that questline was the incredibly transparent attempts of Director Clavell, the school’s headmaster, to disguise himself as an outrageously pompadoured student. The fact the game lets you poke at the disguise through dialogue options was a great touch.

Now, despite having these individual questlines, if you want to reach the end of this game and Area Zero, you need to complete all three. I like this because all these stories diverged near the start of the game, and I love the idea of them converging again to help finish it off. Moreover, the new friend group formed by your character, Nemona, Arven, and Penny, has some quirky clashes in personality and dialogue that makes me want to see all four of them go on more adventures together. It makes me want to go out and find fic for all four of them just being goofy on their off-time.

However, despite this high note of companionship, the story’s ending left me feeling a bit off. The revelation of Sada’s work in the crater bringing back pokemon from the distant past (the incarnations of those pokemon very are cool and I love them) using a time machine felt a bit jarring after everything leading up to it. It felt like a bit of tone and genre whiplash to me, especially when the game revealed that Sada we’d been interacting with was an artificial intelligence of all things, even going as far as to say in dialogue that we don’t possess that technology yet, but the resources in the crater made it possible for all these things to happen.

Again, I know not to expect too much from a Pokemon narrative… but really? This felt so… forced and contrived. I don’t know… like… someone was forced to write this under really tight time constraints? Oh right, just so many other things in this game. I should’ve expected even Pokemon’s writing would suffer under those conditions. Now, for those who played Violet, and got to see futuristic pokemon and Professor TRON MAN, I imagine that this seems more on theme for a story involving the future and advanced technology (assuming it had the same story beats, I have no idea if it did or not). But for Sada and the theme of prehistoric pokemon… this seemed way off base for me. At the very least, the clash between your Koraidon and the opposing Koraidon that ousted it from the crater had a heartwarming ending, especially with it getting strength from your companions’ encouragement. But overall, the final moments of the main story felt unfulfilling to me after so much hard work put in to recover from the terrible start the game had in its story.

Overall, the story had many ups and downs. Still, for the most part, especially concerning the titan/herb questline and Team Star, there was more to sink my teeth into than in a lot of previous Pokemon games. I’m glad I was able to endure the start of it to get those parts, but it’s just a bit sad that the ending flopped for me. But it’s not just the story we’re here for when we play these games, is it? It’s the pokemon!

The Pokemon of Paldea

So having 400 pokemon in this game’s pokedex seems like a pretty good haul to me, honestly. I haven’t been privy to any debates, so I don’t know if there’s a fuss being made online about how not all the mons are in it again like they did for Sword and Shield. Whatever the case I’m pretty happy with the lineup we got… except for no Heliolisk and Helioptile. I got lucky with them in Gen 8, so I guess I’ll be thankful for that and their presence in New Snap.

That said, I love a lot of the new variants and mons that we got in general. I won’t dive too deep into all of them because this review is already getting long enough as it is, but I’ll say that when I played, I went for all new pokemon that were added in this game for a variety in my final teams.

They were:

· Skeledirge

· Pawmot

· Arboliva

· Squawkabilly

· Garganacl

· Mabosstiff

· Rabsca

· Tinkaton

· Veluza

· Annihilape

· Clodsire

· Cetitan

· Baxcalibur

Not only did I have fun using all of these, but I thought most of their aesthetics and designs were top-notch. But I used plenty of others throughout my journey and loved all of them too. I won’t mention them all here, but shout-outs to my new favourite pun pokenames: Capsakid and Scovillain. My favourite new designs and concepts (aside from the above) were found in Naclstack, Lokix, and Brambleghast. Overall, I loved all the new additions and variants. Except for the new Dudunsparse… I mean, I’ve seen so many fan-evolutions of it that looked so much better and more creative than making it bigger and adding more sections to its body.

The prehistoric variants were killer though, especially Great Tusk, Scream Tail, and Sandy Shocks (I always had wondered what the magneton line would look like before modern times, if they even existed). Also, have you ever heard of a more metal name than Roaring Moon? Probably not. And I’ll admit, I still think Koraidon and Miraidon look goofy to me, but given that I’ve formed a bond with Koraidon over the game, I’ve been able to overlook it.

The Music of Paldea

I always have to talk about music in new Pokemon games. It’s practically a genre unto itself for me and one of my favourites to boot. I do like how they tackled overworld music in this game. They made a theme for each of the four provinces and then had different remixes and reorchestrations of it in different regions of each province, including towns and named areas like the Asado Desert. Some might think this could be lazy or uncreative, but I think it was well-executed, such that I enjoyed most iterations of each province’s tune. Heck, even the wild pokemon’s theme in that area was adapted from those themes too, which made musical transitions so smooth. I loved it!

Except for the south province’s tune. I got tired of that one very quickly. And I could see how people could easily get tired of any of the ones I liked if they spent too much time there or had negative experiences associated with the zone.

That said, you cannot hate the West Province’s theme. It’s objectively amazing in all its forms and you cannot convince me otherwise.

Of all the gym themes from previous generations, this one took me the longest to warm up to. But I did, and I’m glad they kept the final crowd-chanting version when the gym leader’s down to one pokemon as they did in Sword and Shield. However, while there generally is a crowd around your gym battles, I feel like the crowd chanting suited the big stadium settings of Galar more than it did here, so it didn’t feel like it belonged as much. That said, it didn’t detract from the experience.

Meanwhile, the Tera Raid theme was a banger (and one of the ones that Toby Fox contributed, from what I understand), as were most of the battle themes throughout the game.

Overall, the array of music in this game was very solid and well-composed. While many musical pieces were derived from each other, they helped link the world together and made for a fantastic experience for the ear that synced up to what you saw and did.

My Final Thoughts on Paldea

So, we’ve been through it all. The gyms. The titans. The squads. The sandwiches. Admittedly, I didn’t do much picnicking, but that’s something I might do more of later, but the few times I did it were charming.

Actually, that’s what this game has in abundance: charm. And I don’t mean the fairy-type move.

This game has a lot of faults, I won’t even try to deny that, nor should I. The fact that Nintendo has been offering refunds for this game is a damning spotlight on the poor condition of Pokemon Scarlet and Violet on its release. I didn’t go into this game with much hype at all because, funnily, we have too many Pokemon games. Almost one a year it seems like. It’s way too much. There’s something to be said about building up anticipation. Hell, I don’t even remember seeing this game very heavily promoted, which might speak to how crunched they were to get this done. I imagine they barely had time to do anything to advertise it, let alone finish it properly.

But below all that scuffed, unfinished woodwork that makes up this game, seemingly teetering on the edge of collapse as you see it creaking and bending sometimes, there’s a lot of heart put into it. Every time I play a Pokemon game, I can see that the developers behind it love what they’re doing it shows in the soul of the game. From the goofy pics you take after every major game accomplishment—Kofu’s stands out to me in particular in my mind—to some of the more ridiculous dialogue that either had me facepalming or laughing hysterically, there’s a charm in this game that I can’t ignore.

That’s what keeps me coming back. That’s what makes me love these games and put up with the other nonsense I’ve ranted about throughout this review. It speaks to that child in me and makes me smile as I sit on a couch in these cold winter months looking for entertainment.

Is this the best example of a top-tier Pokemon game? No. Is this the best example of what a Pokemon game could be? No. Pokemon Legends: Arceus still holds that prize for me. But it’s part of what I hope are just growing pains for this franchise as it struggles to transform into something new and incredible. I wonder how much more fun I would’ve had if I could’ve played this game like I’d played Legends.

But I still did have fun while playing this game. I did my fair share of shouting at the game for bullshit too, and some eye-roll moments at some technical nonsense, but that’s nothing new for this franchise. Hell, it’s nothing new for me with video games as a whole. But in the end, I did have fun.

What I want is to have more fun. I want to see this franchise take what it’s learned from SV and Legends and make a truly stellar game out of it next time.

And. I. Want. Them. To. Take. Their. Time. Doing. It.

That’s how we’ll get the incredible, technologically impressive, open-world Pokemon game that so many people have been pining for. And I’m willing to wait for it.

#Rez Rambles #Pokemon #Scarlet and Violet #SV #Pokemon: Scarlet and Violet #SV Spoilers #Long post #Go figure I talked about this one even more than I did about Legends #It is a bigger game I suppose #Again I'm not writing this to force my opinion on anyone #Despite a few gags to the contrary in there #This is to get my thoughts on the game out there on something #Despite doing 7800 words in one day though #It was actually quite fun to write #For those with the patience to read this #I salute you and appreciate you

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agirldying · 1 year

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i was raised in a cult and i’ve known it for four years but tonight i can’t sleep because it’s hitting me so hard right now and i don’t know why tonight and after so long. like logically i know that it’s a cult and i’ve know for ages, subconsciously longer than before i properly realized it… so why am i having a panic attack over it now? they fit nearly every single item on the BITE model and the leader is a “king” that is supposed to be a direct descendant of the Buddha and they make you pay to take courses to achieve enlightenment and reward you with shiny buttons and giving you a new “spiritual name” and also the king sexually assaulted his students because if you pay enough money and rank up enough you get to have him as your personal “guru” and my mum was one step away from taking him on as her guru before all of the allegations came out. i dont like my mum but i still feel bad for her and it’s really scary and i was brought up to tell everyone about the cult and bring my friends to our meetings and give them books about it and i am always so scared that i accidentally made someone join and what if they got hurt???? and more than anything i just want to make a video or a post or anything telling people about this cult but i can’t because so much of my support circle and friends and my favourite people are in it and i’m too sick right now if i speak up i’d lose them and i’m physically medically emotionally reliant on them. i’m scared to put the name of the cult in this post incase that’s not allowed because you said not to put names of abusers (which makes sense it’s ok) but please if anyone reading this is in a buddhist group that’s making you pay to learn about meditation that is NOT buddhism!!!!!!! they do NOT need your money the “king” is being payed tens of thousands of dollars a year and he wont even talk about that he abused people!!!!!!!! sorry this was really long i just feel like i’m suffocating because i can’t talk about it and i can’t sleep and it’s just… of course i also had to be born into a cult. i can’t just have a rare incurable illness and abusive parents who wanted me to die and terrible doctors who made my disease worse… i also had to be raised in a cult that told me my illness was my fault because of karma from my past life. and at one point my mum wanted to pray for me but she couldn’t because she hadn’t payed to take the class yet that gave her permission to say the healing prayer. not that i believe it would have helped but seeing my mum cry because she thought she couldn’t say words out loud that she already knew was so heartbreaking and i didn’t even realize it at the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fukcfuckfuck

- 🍀

also sorry i lost the last message i sent in and then life got really blurry for a bit but i hope ur ok

Hi 🍀,

To directly answer your question "why am i having a panic attack over it now?" in my mind it would make sense that, you know, progress isn't linear and so you can have moments like this where it all washes over you and you are reminded of how disturbing that was. I can definitely relate to that with my cptsd.

To also address "what if they got hurt?" I'm assuming you were a child while this was happening, but cults are built to deceive their followers in some exploitative way, and so I just think like, when you're under the spell of a cult so to say, is it really your fault or is it really the cult's fault? Or maybe it's a bit of both? Personally I feel like people who perpetuate a cult's message is maybe not without any kind of responsibility, but I feel like people should be mostly blaming the cult, you know? I think especially as a child it's even more excusable because you shouldn't be expected to know right from wrong necessarily (your brain is still developing and all that).

Also when I read "a cult that told me my illness was my fault because of karma from my past life" I was just like. the audacity of this fucking cult... that's such a fucked up thing to say. I guess it's not surprising that a cult would say some bullshit like that. On top of that, what you said about your mom and how "she thought she couldn’t say words out loud that she already knew" I agree that's really heartbreaking and I think it really highlights how cults operate.

I hope I could help and I hope you've been doing alright. Feel free to comment on this if you'd like, and otherwise know I'll be here.

I'm okay and thanks for asking.

#text #asks #🍀 anon #trauma #cults #cult survivor #ptsd #cptsd

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toptenthingsihateabouteverything · 1 year

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love

Love. A complicated word. One syllable, four letters. You’d think it’s so simple and easy to understand. From a young age we’re taught about things we love, the first page of every diary being an about me page filled with everything I love. And I loved many things. I formed attachment issues to these things, excerpts of my emotions attached to inanimate objects which I viewed as a part of myself. What changed? When did I stop viewing love in things and began viewing love in people? Noticing every single detail, every single turn, every overdue breath. Am I going crazy? Overanalysing an everyday regular just like the coffee poured in my little cardboard cup at 12:00, my chest pounding so much a heart attack would go undetected, when did it all spiral out of my control?

I’m a control freak. I like having the ability to control situations around me; do I cut this person off? do I speak to this group of people? or do I go unrecognised, invisible? Questions upon questions that I answer on the daily. I hate when something is out of my control, broken from my metaphoric leash. So how am I letting these feeling control me so much? This love that is all consuming, all giving. Something I’m willing to give up everything for. It feels like after all this time of feeling then not feeling, I’ve found something stable. Weird, scary, but stable. So, if this feeling of love is so stable, why did it have to be attached with the one person that I feel it may never be fulfilled with? Most of the time I go beyond rationalising problems and simply blame them on everything around me: my mental health, my school life, my friends or should I say people who pretend to be my friends, the people I love. Now I know this isn’t the best way out, but when I am mentally breaking down that is usually the most radical solution for me to not break fully. I’m not in that type of situation anymore, in fact I’m doing great with my life, really. I’ve rekindled old friendships with people I would’ve never expected to ever speak to again. I’ve invested time and effort into myself, I actually know myself, I have hobbies like drawing or reading in my spot in the forest. I have people who actually respect me, I of course will still be spoken about but it’s like I have this sort of standing in this messed up society we have at school. Honestly, I have everything I’d have wanted at this point in life, everything I strived for back in September. I was generally happy and complete, until the middle of January. To be completely real, I don’t actually know what happened to make me start feeling this but I felt really empty. Not in a dark depressive way, but more in a missing puzzle type of way; you’ve completed the puzzle apart from having that one missing piece that you just can’t find anywhere.

That’s where you come in. You see for the past few months, ever since you told me that we couldn’t have a relationship of any sorts, I’ve had a hate type of mindset. I felt that if I didn’t hate you, I would be sad and depressed and I was already avoiding that all costs. So, I kind of turned off my feelings in a way. It was pretty great. Looking at you not feeling anything, no tying links, no memories, just seeing you as a person that was an accessory to the downfall of my life. That doesn’t say I was doing ok still, but it eased everything I felt.

In December, when I sent you those distraught messages, I genuinely felt something. It’s like immediately speaking to you kind of sparked something in me. I ignored it, how could I feel sympathy towards someone that had something to do with a person like Her, a person that ruined my life. That’s how I felt in the moment. Now looking back at it, a part of me actually really missed you, and hoped you would’ve said that you changed your mind and that it was all a joke. But you didn’t. So, I ended it in a classic your mom joke and blocked you; the perfect way to convince everyone, including myself, that that was all a joke, revenge for leaving me. I honestly don’t know why I thought that, well I do because I’m me and I understand myself better than anyone but still, I’m convinced that was one of the most horrible things I’ve ever done to a person. So, although it’s late, I’m sorry. Seeing as we’re analysing emotions from the past, I’m sorry for not realising your emotions in September. I was so deep in my world; I didn’t realise how yours was crumbling along with mine. You lost two of your family members, and instead of standing by you, pushing through my own issues to help with yours, I left you hanging. I left you with expectations to still remain my friend, which wasn’t right at all. I was ignorant and careless with what you felt and overlooked it all. Which is why I’m saying what I need to say.

The day I realised something was missing in my life, was also the day I fully felt something other than hate towards you. On the contrary, I didn’t hate you at all. Instead, I felt relieved. Like as if I finally found that missing puzzle piece and fully completed the puzzle. I was completely weirded out by this, because quite literally the day before I really loathed you, but in classic me style, I tried to avoid it. Tried. I avoided anything to do with you; whether that was listening to Tyler the Creator or watching JoJo’s, I had to forget you. But this feeling of relief, just kept growing, and getting stronger. Out of my control. So much I simply couldn’t ignore it. So, I let these feelings grow. I accepted them. Whether or not that was a good decision, I don’t know, but it definitely shows that I’m trying to deal with them. For the next passing weeks, I was still confused about why I felt like this, until Valentine’s Day, when I realised, I love you. And I swear on my life when I admitted that, I felt like all of the confusion I felt just left, all the knots that this love caused, simply untangled. At the same time, as those problems were solved, others formed. How and why the fuck would I be in love with you? I broke up with you. I broke your heart and left you, and now I want you back? It doesn’t make sense.

I don’t know why I’m feeling like this. I don’t know what caused it really but what I do know, is that it’s the strongest love I’ve ever felt for anyone. You might be thinking about the time I said those same three words eight letters many months ago, but I can reassure you that whatever I felt then compared to how I feel now, was practically nothing. This love is so strong, that I actually have the power to confess how I feel about you. With this love, I‘m all in. This love’s a poker game with all my chips in the middle of the table, betting on us. It’s the type of love I’m willing to wait for, fight for and also let you go for.

That’s the complicated love I feel, one that’s only towards you and no one else. One syllable, four letters, a word that’s all yours.

Update: I fucking hate this person.

#i hate love

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wdwmarveldisney · 3 years

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....so it's my first time watching teen wolf all the way through (I've never seen it before) and I've just reached all the void stiles stuff and where he's at Eichen House and like....omg but also it got me thinking....and idk if you wanna write this or not or just scream into the void w me (bud dum tsssss) but like imagine a wolf in eichen house finding stiles to be her like soulmate/mate and then he gives into void so all she thinks is thay void is the mate when it's not cause it'd just be the vessel....anyway I'm screaming at my TV haha

My Mate

Void/Stiles x werewolf!reader

Summary: Eichen House, or rather known as Echo House, has been your place of residence for a couple of years now. You never expected to meet your mate there.

Masterlist

A/N: Ok four things. One, I absolutely can’t wait for to reach later seasons. Two, it is very much omg and I know it’s wrong to just love that plot but like I’m past caring. Three, love the pun and I will a hundred percent do that with you. And four, I hope this is okay, not sure if I’ve done Void right.

Part two is here.

GIF isn’t mine

Eichen House wasn't exactly your average mental institution. It was filled with supernatural people as well as oblivious humans. You'd been there for a while, year or two you think. You lost count of the months a little while ago. All you knew was that your parents saw you lose control a couple of times and had put you in there. It didn't feel a good enough reason to shove you into a mental institution but you knew they were terrified of you. Yeah, that hurt but you couldn't blame them.

Your fingers fiddled with the blades of grass as you sat there, eyes fixed on the people who walked around in front of you. Your gaze focussed on Oliver when you heard the new voice and your eyes widened in shock at the boy next to him. He was talking animatedly, hands flying around as he ranted and Oliver listened and you just kind of knew in that second.

Sometimes it happened. Werewolves had mates and for some, they had to get to know a person before they know that they are mates but for others, it can just click. It can be one glance and suddenly, you could just feel the pull. Your old alpha said that it was the most compatible ones, like soulmates. Some were just destined, written in the stars. You called bullshit but seeing him there, you decided she had to of been right because there was no other explanation for what you felt.

You wanted to go over and talk to him, say hi and introduce yourself but then what would you do? 'Oh yeah, by the way, I'm your mate and we should really get to know each other'. 'Cause you can really say that to a total stranger. It just so happened he caught you staring and you used your supernatural abilities to listen in to their conversation. "Who's that?" You could see him point to you and Oliver grin when his gaze settled on you. The two of you were kind of friends over the whole you'd been here. "Oh that? That's Y/N. She's really nice," The boy gave a small nod and he seemed to just be as lost for words as when you saw him. "I'm going to go talk to her," he mumbled after a few beats of silence and began to make his way over.

You panicked. I mean your mate who you hadn't even met yet was deciding to walk over and introduce himself and you were sitting there playing with grass? Not exactly the best impression. So your head fell and you fingers began to pluck at the grass instead of twirl it. Your leg bounced and your tongue ran over your lips repeatedly. Not looking up until he stood in front of you, you missed the nervous glance to Oliver and the way he seemed to hit one hand into the other repeatedly.

"Hey," it was like one of those moments in a movie or tv show where the camera slowly travels up, starting at the feet and when it reaches the face, you just kind of fall in love. You took note of the baggy jeans, loose T-shirt and heavy jumper. Notice the way he clicked his fingers in front of his chest and how he seemed to bounce on his feet. And then you saw his face, and you were a goner. Whiskey eyes and small smile and quite little moles and raised eyebrows with his head tilted to the left. Though feeble, you managed a small, "Hi," back, hand raising in an awkward wave.

"I, um, saw you staring," it was like your senses flooded back in then, anxiety practically suffocating you. There was a hint of confusion and something else you couldn't pick up on. Eyebrows pinching together in befuddlement, you let your head fall to the side and nose scrunch slightly as you sniffed. Yeah, you were pretty obvious but he was going to have to find out sooner or later. Except you saw the realisation on his face, mixed with this defensive look in his eyes.

"Are you a...?" His hand waved around in front of him, as if gesturing to a word only he could see but you got the idea, "Werewolf? Mhm," you paused a second before sticking your hand out, "Y/N," he stared at your hand, debating what to do and he seemed lost in thought until you shook it slightly and effectively snapped him out of his daze. His hand slipped into yours and you gave a half shake before pulling back and waiting for him to say his name, "Um, Stiles,"

"Well, it's nice to meet you Stiles," you jumped up then, giving him one last smile before leaving a very confused him behind. And you didn't see him for the rest of the day. Not until that new werecoyote, Malia, was leading to the basement. Curiosity got the better of you and so you followed. Malia stayed for a while but then she had to cause a distraction so she had to go so it was just you and awkward Stiles. To be fair to him, you were pretty awkward too but because of what you knew. "Do you know what you're looking for?" You watched him closely, trying your hardest not to focus on the anxiety that seemed to suffocate you. "Something to do with that," he showed you a symbol, noticing your eyebrows pinching together and head falling to the side and he realised that was a very cute habit of yours. Your eyes trailed back to him, lips pursed, "What does it mean?"

"Self," you gave a small nod, going back to what you were looking through before pausing again. He barely gave you anything there, you still had no clue what all this breaking rules is for. So you decided there's no harm in asking, "Maybe you should tell me more?" Stiles looked up to you, smiling faintly at the raised eyebrow and slight light to your eyes. The smile slowly faded and he turned back to the papers, "You might not like me if you know any more..." Your face said it all, it perfectly conveyed how ridiculous that was to you. What the hell was he on? "Try to remember that my whole family is terrified of me and I almost killed my dad," And that you're my mate. You decide against saying it not wanting to freak him out, "I won't judge. I promise,"

He didn't say much more to that, other than an incredibly brief explanation, carrying on with searching until you spoke up again, "This place definitely used to be a lot more fun- electroshock... ice baths... trephination?" He ignored the fact you called it fun, instead focusing on the question you had asked, loving the look you had done once more. Why was it so beautiful on you? Anyone else and he wouldn't care but you? That's a whole other story. "That's what Oliver was talking about. Trephination is when they drill into your head," your lips formed a small 'o' as you looked back to the sheet before your nose scrunched up in distaste, "No wonder they don't want anyone down here..."

There was a slam of papers and your head shot up to stare at him, frowning at the disappointment and increase in anxiety that filled the room, "There's nothing here," you heard the huff and reached out to place your hand on his shoulder, not sure how to comfort someone. Your whole body tensed, eyes widening in fear you were doing it wrong. Stiles sent a quick glance your way before signing again, "Could you do me a favor? Could you just check the lines on my back?" A curt nod from you made him turn and you gently lifted his top slightly, internally freaking. "Just tell me if they're fading?"

And they were, they were fading quick and you frowned again, "Yeah, they're almost gone," you took a second to watch his face fall and smell his chemosignals before your frown deepened, "I'm guessing that's bad?" He hummed slightly in affirmation so you slowly pulled his top back down, fingers grazing his back. You flinched back, hand quickly holding over your other as you gave a surprised him a sheepish smile, "Oh, sorry. I'm kinda always cold," a small nervous laugh left your lips as he turned to you, hands hovering above your own, "That's okay. Here-"

He almost winced when his fingers intertwined with yours, making sure you knew he was okay with a small grin, "Boy, you really are," you both gave awkward laughs, neither sure what to do. You seemed closer than before and you could feel your heart hammer against your chest. You could hear Stiles falling into a similar beat as you draw little circles on his hand with your thumb. It was supposed to calm you down but it wasn't really working. You saw his gaze flicker down to your lips and back up and your whole brain just shouted screw it. Next thing you knew, you were kissing him or at least trying. When he kissed back it was a lot easier given that you just followed his lead.

You were the first to pull away, grinning madly when he chased your lips. Quiet quickly surrounded the two of you until he sighed lightly, "Was that your first kiss?" Heat rose to your cheeks as you gave an embarrassed nod and smile. He grinned back, fingers pulling away to fiddle with yours. He seemed anxious still, "Was it okay?" You looked shocked by the question, head snapping up to nods rather aggressively making him laugh lightly. "You want to try it again?" This time the response wasn't immediate, face leaning into where his fingers grazed your cheek. You contemplated whether what you were about to do was a good idea before you gave a small huff and shook out your shoulders.

"I want to try something else,"

"Something else...?" He shut up when your lips were back on his, a lot more passionate this time. Things were heated, your hands sliding up his back under his top making him shiver slightly. You pulled away again to pull off your top, his eyes immediately dropping making you giggle. And then he was kissing you again and laying you back on the sofa.

Safe to say it wasn't so awkward when the two of carried on making out and it didn't get awkward when you had sex either. You admitted to Stiles about the whole mate thing, explaining it to him and he eventually understood. There was something about that was just right. He wanted to help people, keep them safe. He was funny and kind and smart. He was silly and making small jokes where possible but if other people's safety was in his hands, he was not going to let anything happen to them. He was a hero who was just so normal. He wasn't all out good, no person ever will be. Maybe it was how real and down to earth he is that makes him so perfect. So you just talked until you went back to the searching.

"Stiles..." he missed your small mumble as you looked around for the source, "Do you hear that?" You spun to face him, noticing how he held a photo up, eyes fixed. He was so in tranced by it, "This is him," you frowned, trying to get a better look at the photo by putting your head on his shoulder, "The Nogitsune?" You grabbed another photo from the same pile and held it up for him, "Recognize them?" He scanned the picture, not sparing you a single glance as his eyes focused in on one person, "One of them...I have to get this to Scott,"

And then you were both knocked out and Oliver was threatening to actually drill through your head unless Stiles 'gave over control'. You weren't sure what he was on about but Stiles seemed to get it. "You did this. You got into his head," you couldn't see who he was speaking to, eyes barely open as your head lolled to the side. He was giving you a panicked look and you wished you had the strength to send him a comforting smile back but god your head hurts. Everything was quiet for a while as Stiles eyes followed the thin air as he struggled against the restraints. A quiet groan left your lips as you glanced to Oliver holding a drill and then your eyes were closing again but you weren't blacking out. "Just let her go,"

He began to struggle harder, eyes meeting your heavy ones with a desperation in his eyes as he tried to tug free repeatedly with his hand. After a long silence, save Oliver's heavy breaths and the sound of the drill, Stiles spoke up again, "Just let her go, please," his voice shook but you barely registered that. How could your head hurt this much? How had you not healed? Consciousness was falling through your fingers like sand passing through a hour glass, time moving too fast. Once more he shouted, voice strained as he just began to struggle harder and shake with fear, "Just let her go, please!"

And then he was silent. There was a sound similar to a small sob and then he was quiet and all you heard was the drill. You could feel Oliver push it closer to your head and incoherent mumbles began to leave you, begging for him to stop. You couldn't keep your eyes open, fighting off the wave of exhaustion and pain. All you could feel was dread, filling your veins like an ice and freezing you in place. Fingers twitching, you couldn't help the regret and shame binding with the dread to cause a nausea within you and suppressing the pain. And then you heard his voice except it wasn't. There was this laced evil into his words making goosebumps rise and shivers trail down your spine, breath hitching in fear.

"Oliver,"

"Stiles?" Your senses came flooding back in as you faced the two, noticing just how different Stiles was. Oliver was out in a second and then Stiles approached you, undoing your restraints and helping you out of the chair. He didn't ask if you were okay, didn't scan you over like you imagined he would. This time his touch was ice, you tensing simply at his fingers trailing up your arms. He was different. He wasn't Stiles, he was someone else entirely. He was cold, inside and out, this spark in his eyes showing his true nature, pure evil. He didn't seem to care for others or even himself, he was completely inhuman. Emotionless and lifeless. Just a shell, despite the hidden chaos of corruption and trickery just waiting to burst free. If this was always a part of him, maybe this was who you were meant to be with. Maybe that's why you met now. Maybe this was it for you and just like everything else in your life, it completely and totally sucks.

Why does life always go terrible for you?

#stiles stilinksi x reader #stiles stilinksi imagine #stiles x reader #stiles stilinski #teen wolf x y/n #teen wolf x reader #teen wolf imagine #teen wolf #void stiles #void stiles x reader

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collecting-stories · 3 years

Text

Saving Grace - JJ Maybank

A/N: A You Are Ok drabble set ten years in the future

You Are Ok Masterlist | Outer Banks Masterlist

✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰

The Maybank house had sat empty on the cut for almost five years until JJ’s dad was released from prison. You and JJ had been down in Florida at the time, moved out of his cousin’s trailer and living in an apartment in the everglades. Talking about going home but unsure what the OBX had to offer at that point. It was barely two weeks after that when you both flew home, Luke Maybank had overdosed and the house was empty once again.

It stayed empty while the two of you gutted the entire place and refurbished it. While JJ and you stayed at the Chateau or Kiara’s place, while you found a job and found out you were pregnant, while JJ got a job for himself in the area and went back down to the everglades to empty out the apartment.

JJ laid the tile in the bathroom himself and fixed the plumbing. You painted the inside and outside of the house, planted a garden, bought a chicken coop. You and JJ moved in to the house and just like that you were back in the OBX.

You sat outside on the porch, drinking a cup of coffee despite the hour nearing eight o’clock at night. The baby monitor was sitting beside you, a soft gurgling coming from the receiver. You were waiting for the familiar sight of JJ’s truck pulling down the long driveway in the dusk. The headlights were already on, flashing on you for a moment as he parked and then cut off, the engine dying.

“Hey, what’re you doing out here?” He asked, climbing out of the front seat of the car and bringing a bag of chinese food with him.

“Waiting for you to bring me egg rolls?” You joke, before turning serious, “I saw my dad this morning, at the grocery store.”

“Did he see you?”

“Yeah...it was, really weird?” You suggested, reaching for the bag. JJ shook his head and held the bag away from you, a silent ‘I’ve got it’ as he leaned in and gave you a kiss. You wrinkled your nose at the familiar smell of fish as you pulled away, “how was work?”

“Alright...” he shrugged, “what did your dad say?”

“That he wants me to come to church on Sunday.” You replied, following him inside.

“You wanna go?” It was a question but the way he asked you knew that he already knew the answer.

“I mean...I’m not gonna like, start going to church with them every week and ya know, go back to how I was but...it might be nice. I do miss my family and, I want to have boundaries but maybe they don’t have to be like, huge ten-year silence boundaries where we never speak. I do want Willow to know her cousins; I think. What do you wanna do?” You asked, passing plates across the counter to him.

A tinny half cry sounded from the monitor on the table and you both turned to look over at it, waiting for a crescendo of cries that you’d grown used to in the last four months. When silence settled back in, you both seemed to exhale in relief. You wanted to eat and finish this conversation before JJ ultimately showered and fell asleep until Willow’s usual one a.m. wake up.

“Whatever you want.” He replied, never submitting to making the decision for you when you wanted him to. “Not exactly like your family’s a big of me.”

“Can’t imagine why,” you bumped his hip with your own, kissing his cheek. “Not like you totally corrupted their youngest daughter or anything.”

“Oh no, do not blame that on me.”

“I didn’t run away to marry myself.”

“If you go...” JJ posed, turning to follow you to the table, “do you want to go alone?”

You stood frozen in place, holding a box of cereal in your hand as you stared across the small expanse of Heyward’s shop, your dad there by the fresh produce, comparing two different apples with each other. The Outer Banks was a small island but you ran in very different circles and, in the three years that you’d been home, had avoided seeing your parents. Or anyone in your family.

You’d driven passed the baptist church, a sign boasting a new assistant pastor, one of your brothers, when you’d first moved back but hadn’t actually seen anyone. The possibility of seeing them again had been a long debate between you and JJ when you’d finally decided to leave Florida for North Carolina. It had been hard in the very beginning, missing birthdays and anniversaries and new babies, but over time the ache had dulled and you had shifted your attention away from what you were missing and focused on working through the things you could heal in yourself.

Now you were frozen. If you left your basket of groceries now you could make a beeline for the door and be out before he saw you. But then the bell above the door rattled as a customer came in and the baby swaddled against your chest started to fuss. Before you could attempt to placate her, your dad was looking over. For a moment you were certain he didn’t recognize you. Ten years was a long time. But then his mouth quirked into a frown and he set down the apples he was holding.

“Ace?” He questioned, the old nickname feeling foreign to you. It’d probably been ten years since anyone called you that.

“Hey, dad.” You nodded your head at him across the small store. You felt like tacking on a ‘surprise’ for good measure. ‘Surprise, I’m in the OBX, surprise, I got a kid...’

“When did you uh, when did you come home?” He moved across the store to be near you though he refrained from reaching out for a hug. You wondered if a decade had been just as hard on him as it had on you. Cathartic and healthy and freeing but hard. He seemed more mellow, you thought that before he might’ve pulled out a bible and started admonishing you.

“JJ and I moved back three years ago,” you admitted, slipping his name into the conversation as if to prove a point. “He got a job on a fishing rig.”

“Will you...would you come to church? We could have lunch afterward. Or you could just be there?” He offered. Ten years hadn’t changed his beliefs at all but it had made him miss you. Not knowing where you were or what you were doing felt like an ache in his chest that never went away. The anger had subsided to sadness and guilt.

Seeing your dad had been startling enough and you had almost wished, while you were standing there in Heyward’s, that JJ could’ve been with you. Though, you weren’t entirely sure that would’ve helped anything in the long run.

“I think my mom would probably be nicer to me if I brought Wills but maybe, I mean, my dad already saw her. He didn’t ask about her but maybe...” you groaned, burying your face in your hands for a moment as you tried to gather your thoughts. “Why didn’t we stay in Florida?”

“Cause we both spent seven years talking about how much we wanted to come back to the OBX...and my dad-”

“Jay.”

“Look. My dad was an asshole okay, he was a fucking nightmare but you know better than anyone that not getting to see him at the end...that was the worst call I’ve ever gotten in my life. Knowing Ricky was the only one up here and that he was alone. You should do whatever you want to do and I’ll be there, right next to you, just like I’ve been for ten years, but I don’t want you to have any regrets.” JJ replied, honestly.

You nodded, looking down at the plate of food and pushing your fried rice around. You knew that JJ was still hurting, that gutting a house didn’t take away all the memories that were trapped inside. “God I hate when you’re right.” You sighed.

“Don’t let your dad hear you talk like that.” He teased just as the monitor went off again, this time for real. You leaned against the back of the chair and groaned as JJ stood up. “I got it.”

“No, it’s okay, I’ll get her.” You stood too. “You need a shower, and sleep.”

“I haven’t seen her all day,” JJ pointed out, following you down the short hallway to the bedroom that used to be his. It was painted in yellows and oranges now, with a crib and a rocking chair and baby books. A sunset mural painted on the wall from Kiara’s girlfriend and a chandelier of stars from Sarah.

“What are you gonna do, take her in the shower with you?” You joked, lifting the fussing baby up out of her crib, “hey bubba, what’s the matter?”

“You have to feed her right? So feed her in the bathroom.”

“Oh sure, Jay, that’s super comfortable for me. I would love to feed her while I sit on the toilet.” You grumbled, already knowing that you would probably, definitely end up caving to him and doing exactly that.

“I’ll put dinner away and do the dishes.” He promised, “and I’ll punch you’ll dad if he says anything to piss you off.”

#jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank fanfic #jj maybank x fanfiction #jj maybank fic #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x you #outer banks imagine #outer banks fanfiction #outer banks fanfic #outer banks fic #obx fanfic #obx fanfiction #obx fic #obx imagine #collecting stories imagine #you are ok series

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nebulablakemurphy · 3 years

Text

Total Eclipse Of The Heart (Part Five)

Jacob Black x Fem!Vampire!Swan!Reader

Summary: Jacob Black, alpha of his pack, would never fall in love with a bloodsucker, much less imprint on one. The problem is that Y/N Swan was human…until she wasn’t anymore.

Prologue | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

The bike works for a while, Bella can see Edward; until she gets good at operating the vehicle. After that the danger is gone and so is any version of him.

Jacob and Y/N are hunting Victoria. Charlie is hunting the wolves, who he still believes to be bears, responsible for the killings around town.

Bella’s alone again.

She decides to try something new, to get that rush of adrenaline. Cliff jumping is about as stupid as it is recreational. But Edward is there, begging her not to jump. So she does, anything to make him stay.

———————————————————————

“She’s freezing cold. I can’t touch her.”

“Relax. Human hot box, remember? I hope you don’t mind, I’m gonna have to give her mouth to mouth.”

“Jake,” thwack.

Beyond the voices, Bella can feel pressure. Like someone is pounding on her chest, commanding her heart to beat.

“Come on Bella. Breathe.”

With a sputtering inhale she chokes up the water that invaded her lungs.

“Bella!”

The brunette opens her eyes just in time to see her sister reach for her and then remember her temperature, dropping both hands back to her sides.

“I’m ok,” Bella tells her, through chattering teeth.

“What the hell were you doing?” Y/N demands, tossing a blanket around her shoulders.

Jacob lifts Bella from the sand to lean against him, soaking up his warmth.

“I just wanted to see something.” Bella looks away from Y/N. The venom has eaten away her contacts and she can see her now for what she truly is.

“We’ve gotta get her home.” Jacob says, lifting Bella with ease.

“Your eyes,” Bella tries to warn her.

“It’s ok,” Y/N shakes her head. “Dad’s not home. He’s over at the Clearwater’s.”

“Did something happen?” Bella wonders.

“Harry had a heart attack.” Jacob breathes, the words striking like a hot iron. “He didn’t make it.”

“I’m so sorry.” Bella whispers to no one in particular.

“Let’s go,” Y/N jerks her chin in the direction of the road.

“I’ll run her,” the wolf offers.

“My truck,” Bella pushes feebly against his chest.

“I got it,” Y/N sighs, taking the keys. “You go, keep her warm.”

“On it.” Jacob nods, breaking into a sprint.

Y/N heads back to the truck, opening the door and waiting as it rattles to life. Her fingers curl over the steering wheel harshly, distorting it with the force of her grasp.

The phone buzzes to life in her pocket, not a number she recognizes. “Hello?”

“Y/N, it’s Edward.”

“Edward…” The Y/H/C nearly short circuits.

“Is Bella alright?” He asks immediately.

How did he know? “Now you care what happens to Bella?”

“Y/N please-“

“No,” she cuts him off. “Edward, you left. You left and you didn’t care. I mean where the hell have you been? Where were you while I was here picking up the pieces?”

“I’m sorry.” Edward grovels, the way she had on the front lawn of the Cullen’s home after Bella’s birthday party. “It was a mistake.”

“Your sorry means nothing to me.” Y/N ends the call. Tossing the phone to the passenger seat. Her foot pressing the gas pedal to the floor.

Arriving home at record speed, she finds a black car in the driveway. Carlisle’s car. Parking the truck, she jots through the front door.

Alice, Jacob and Bella are deep in conversation.

“What are you doing here?” Y/N asks Alice.

“I had a vision of Bella jumping off a cliff. I didn’t see her get pulled out of the water-“ Alice breaks off. Her eyes fluttering, then she gasps.

“What now?” Jacob runs a hand over his face.

“It’s Edward, he thinks Bella’s dead.” Alice chokes out. “He’s going to the Volturi, he wants to die too.”

“What?” Bella’s entire body lurches forward.

“Rosalie told him why I came here. Then Y/N-“

“You spoke to him?” Bella cuts Alice off. “What did you say?”

“I told him to screw himself. Not kill himself.” Y/N says defensively.

“Y/N!” Bella is hysterical.

She never meant for this to happen. “Tell me where he is and how to get there.”

“What are you gonna do?” Jacob leans in, his fingers closing around her wrist.

“I have to go,” Y/N rolls her eyes at the ridiculous nature of the situation, “save Edward.”

Jacob’s face falls into a scowl, “no, no way in hell.”

“Jake-“

“The Volturi, isn’t that some kind of vampire judge and jury situation? The ones you’re so afraid of that you can’t even tell Charlie what happened to you?” Jacob can put up with a lot, and he has. But this…

“Jacob, I know that this sucks.” Y/N pulls him away from Alice and Bella for a shred of privacy. “But it’s my fault. I have to make it right.”

“Stop blaming yourself for his shitty decisions!” Jacob roars, “it’s not your fault that he left, it’s not your fault that he didn’t come back and it’s not your fault that you told him to shove it where the sun don’t shine.”

Y/N takes step back, “please don’t.”

“Please don’t what?” Jake snarls, closing the distance between them. “Tell you the truth?”

“Please don’t hate me for what I’m about to do.” Y/N pleads, allowing his fingers to sear her skin.

“If you die…” he strokes her jaw reverently, “I’ll kill you.”

“I love you so much,” she turns into his palm and presses gentle kisses there.

Jacob lets his hand fall away as they break apart. “What do you want me to tell Charlie?”

“Last minute girls trip or something,” Y/N shrugs.

“How long will you be gone?” Jacob wants to say it back. That he loves her.

Y/N looks to Alice.

“Three days, round trip.” The pixie tells them.

Bella has already gone up to pack.

“Perfect,” Jacob acknowledges. Keeping the words to himself.

———————————————————————

The plan ride to Italy is tense. Bella hardly sleeps, she is a nervous wreck.

Alice is flooded with vision after vision as she watches Edward and the Volturi’s decisions.

Y/N plucks anxiously at the wolf charm on her wrist.

The car Alice steals is a beautiful canary yellow color. It shifts gears like butter and glides over the road.

“The Volturi refused him.” Alice says, surprise and relief in her voice.

“Should you be driving?” Y/N wonders, there’s no way she can concentrate with the future flashing before her eyes.

“You can channel for me” Alice offers. There is no time to stop.

Y/N closes her eyes, willing the visions to come to her. “He’s waiting until noon, when the sun’s at it’s highest. Then he’s going to reveal himself to the humans.”

“Alice, you gotta hurry up.” Bella pleads, tugging at the roots of her hair.

“Bella,” Alice coos, “breathe.”

Y/N opens her mind, but Edward is decided, so nothing changes. Until something unexpected appears.

Jacob. He’s seated on their living room couch, shooting the breeze with Charlie. Clearly waiting for something as his eyes flicker to the clock repeatedly. Her, Y/N realizes, he’s waiting for her.

“What did you see?”

“It wasn’t Edward, don’t worry.” Y/N drawls. Just her letting down the most important person in her life…again.

The crowd surrounding Volterra is massive, Alice cuts through as much as she can with the stolen Porsche, but eventually Bella has to make a run for it. To the clock tower at the center of the festival before Edward exposes himself in the sunlight. She is the only one Edward can’t see coming.

“So, what now?” Y/N demands.

“What did you see?” Alice asks instead.

“Doesn’t matter.” The Y/H/C shakes her head. “We can’t just sit here-“

“You saw him, didn’t you?” Alice steals a glance at her. “Jacob?”

“Does he always look so miserable in your visions,” she wonders.

“I can’t see him.” The other vampires admits, “the wolves are a blind spot.”

“Why?”

“I’m not sure.” Alice’s brows furrow, the visions are back in her own head. “We have to go.”

The two of them weave through the festival, skin covered from the sun that shines bright overhead. Finally taking shelter in a door off the alley way.

“Come on guys,” Alice pulls the scarf from her head as they enter. “Wouldn’t want to cause a scene.”

The ‘guys’ in question have glowing red eyes, their diet is strictly human blood.

Bella is against the wall, with Edward between her and the two men wearing black cloaks.

“No we certainly wouldn’t.” The shorter blonde man purrs. “Aro requests your presence.”

“Bella,” Edward addresses her, “why don’t you go back out and enjoy the festival?”

“All of you,” the larger man clarifies.

A third vampire joins them, a girl with blonde hair pulled back into a tight bun. “Aro sent me to see what’s taking so long.”

“So no festival?” Y/N cocks her head to the side.

“I’m afraid not.” The girl gives her a tight lipped grin. “Right this way.”

The four of them are led down a long corridor to a stair case, then to an elevator.

Abandon all hope ye who enter here.

Edward’s eyes, dark with thirst, cut to Y/N. Bella tucked securely beneath his arm.

‘Sorry,’ she mentally shoots back.

He turns his gaze ahead as the elevator doors open onto a checkered marble floor. The ceilings are high, adorned with paintings that put the Sistine chapel to shame.

“Don’t be afraid,” Edward whispers to Bella.

“Are you?” Bella stares up at him.

“No,” he lies.

They land at double doors, pushed open to reveal three more men, seated in high back chairs that resemble thrones.

The one in the center moves to stand, the other brunette and blonde vampires can’t be bothered.

“What a happy surprise!” The man rejoices, “Bella is alive after all. And you’ve brought a friend.”

“I’m just here for moral support.” Y/N explains, jerking her thumb at Bella, “she’s my sister.”

Aro looks her over, “welcome…”

“Y/N,” she introduces herself.

Aro steps forward then, taking Edward’s hand from Bella’s into his own.

“Aro can read every thought I’ve ever had with a single touch.” Edward tells them.

“You are quite a soul reader yourself Edward. Although you can’t hear Bella’s thoughts.” Aro remarks, “would you do me the honor?” He extends a hand to Bella.

Warily she steps forward, allowing him to encase her hand with both of his.

“How strange,” Aro pulls away after a moment. “I see nothing. I wonder if…let us see if she is immune to all our powers, Jane.”

“No,” Edward protests, jumping in front of Bella.

“Pain,” the blonde girl murmurs, a satisfied smirk spreading across her features as Edward falls to the ground. He writhes silently at Bella’s feet.

“Stop! Please.” Bella yells, “stop hurting him.”

Aro watches her in fascination, allowing the torture to continue for a moment. “Jane.”

“Master?” The girl says.

Edward relaxes with a grunt.

“Go ahead my darling,” Aro motions to Bella.

“This might hurt just a little,” Jane warns.

But Bella feels nothing.

“Remarkable.” Aro marvels, “she confounds us all. So, what do we do with you now?”

“She knows too much, she’s a liability.” The blonde man on the right croons, from his chair.

“That’s true.” Aro replies, “Felix.”

“No,” Edward flips Bella behind him, having read his thoughts.

Alice seen Aro’s decision to have Bella killed.

And Y/N catches on quickly enough. Stepping in front of her sister.

Alice is restrained by the short blonde haired guard and Edward is wrestling with the larger vampire, which eventually leaves Edward on the ground.

Y/N’s never engaged in combat, but fight or flight is still a thing. She’s stronger and faster than anyone in the room, perks of being a newborn. She uses it to her advantage.

Fending off every attack the guard throws at her. But she is wreckless, untrained in her youth. Eventually she is restrained, with a hand at her throat.

The exchange gives Edward enough time to recover, he comes back swinging. For Bella. Anything for her.

Felix is strong. Edward is going to lose and her sister is going to die.

Y/N does the only thing she can do, “pain.”

The large man twists inhumanly at the crippling pain coursing through him.

Aro’s mouth sits slightly agape, watching in wonder as Edward returns to his feet.

“Call him off and I’ll stop,” Y/N jerks her chin toward Felix.

“Let us discuss this in a civilized manner.” Aro tries to defuse the situation.

“Tell your men to stop trying to kill my sister,” Y/N tosses the guard’s hand from her neck. “Then we discuss.”

“Felix, stand down.” Aro orders.

Y/N releases the man from her clutches, hearing him struggle to regain composure.

“You have the most peculiar scent.” Aro comments, “come.” He holds a hand out, “let me see.”

Y/N steps toward him, allowing his palm to rest under hers.

His eyes fall closed as he weaves through the facets of her memories. From birth to death and after life. “Ahh,” Aro coos.

Y/N resists the urge to pull away.

“Your gift is…untouched.” The things she could do, if only- “I can teach you.”

“Let my sister go,” Y/N repeats.

“So young, so much control.” Aro remarks. “To have resisted her blood twice within the first year. You are magnificent.” He smiles, drunk on the idea of harnessing the power she possesses. “You could join us.”

“I have someone waiting for me.” Y/N declines the offer.

“The child of the moon.” Aro recalls the boy from her mind. Dark hair, bright smile, “you love him impossibly so, against everything in your nature. It makes my heart ache.”

“Consorting with a werewolf?” Caius rushes to his feet. “Our sworn enemy?”

“This is different brother,” Aro stops him. If only he earns the young vampire’s trust, all that power will be his. “They have no qualms with us, nor each other. Misfortune has befallen them, much like our young friends Bella and Edward. This is a sadness.”

“You already know what you’re going to do, Aro. Let us be done with this.” Marcus motions dismissively.

“If only it were your intention to change her.” Aro addresses Edward now.

“Bella will be one of us.” Alice interrupts, “I’ve seen it. I’ll change her myself.”

Aro steps away from Y/N, to where Alice stands. Whatever she shows him must be proof enough. They’re free to go. For now.

———————————————————————-

The plane ride home is awkward. Both better and worse that the flight there.

“Thank you, for what you did.” Edward breaks the silence, as Bella sleeps peacefully against his shoulder. “Only it wasn’t smart. Aro has taken interest now, he’ll try to win you over.”

“Better men have tried.” Y/N turns her nose up at the idea, and him.

“I’m not going to push for your forgiveness. Or hers.” He looks over at Bella, “I’m going to earn it.”

“Sure.” The Y/H/C crosses her arms, “holding my breath.”

“Good thing you don’t need air.” Edward cracks a smile.

“Can you not pick my brain right now? I need to think.” Y/N tries to refocus. “Alone.”

“Jacob will forgive you.” Edward ignores her comment.

“Jacob always forgives me.” She whispers, “I want to deserve it this time.”

Edward nods in understanding. “I’ll leave you to your thoughts.”

If he hears anything else he doesn’t comment on it. Falling into a comfortable silence.

Y/N is largely on autopilot until they make it home.

Charlie rushes out onto the porch at the sound of a car engine. “There you are.”

“Hi, Dad.” Y/N steps up to hug him.

Charlie kisses the top of her head, returning the embrace. “Jacob said it was a girls trip.” He’s not thrilled to see Edward.

“It was supposed to be,” Y/N pulls away. “He surprised us.”

“She does look better though, doesn’t she?” Charlie notes, seeing Bella.

“Yeah,” as much as Y/N hates to admit it, she agrees.

“Go on. He’s been waiting for ya.” Charlie nods toward the house. “I’m gonna have a word with Edward.”

“Ok,” Y/N takes the stairs two at a time. “Don’t be too hard on him though.” She calls after her father. “He’s been through hell too.”

Charlie squints at her, hoping she will elaborate but knowing she won’t.

“Honey, I’m home.” Y/N sings into the living room.

Jacob doesn’t say a word. Just makes his way to her and wraps her up in his arms. Inhaling the scent at the crook of her neck, deeply. “Never thought I’d miss your stink.”

Y/N takes a whiff of her own. “The wet dog and earthy tones are starting to smell like home.”

“Yeah.” He feels it too.

“Can I ask you something?” She murmurs against his shoulder.

“Sounds like a loaded question already.” Jacob can hear it in her voice.

“How much of you staying here is because of the imprint? How much of it is your soul needing mine? And how much of it is just Jake?”

“I guess I-“ he breaks off. “I’ll never really know for sure. But I think the Jacob I’ve been my whole life would stay. Imprint Jacob would have no choice but to please you. And my soul just wants to be close to yours, anyway it can.”

“Do you ever wish you could un-imprint?” If that’s even a word. “I hate the thought of you chipping away parts of yourself…to please me.”

Jacob nuzzles her forehead with his own. “I’m lucky that I got to imprint on someone who loves me. Someone I didn’t have to change for. Being with you is easy, like breathing.”

“I want to give you more than I take.” Y/N tells him.

“I can feel you,” heart and soul, “how much you love me.”

“You can,” the vampire tenses, “feel me?”

“I know how guilty you feel for leaving, how scared you are that you’ll have to do it again.” Jacob places her hand over his heart. “I’ll wait.”

“You shouldn’t have to,” she argues. “You’re already giving away too much.”

“Stop beating yourself up. I can handle you. Have little faith.”

“I have faith in you.” That was never the problem.

“Give yourself some credit too.” He taps her chin, “quit brooding.”

“I’ll try.”

“Good,” Jacob holds Y/N at arms length, “now tell me everything. What’d I miss on the trip of a lifetime?”

“Well Alice stole a car.” She starts with the fun part. “Porsche I think, crazy fast. You would’ve loved it.”

———————————————————————-

The night they return from Italy, Bella insists that her mortality be put up for a vote. The Cullens gather around the staircase in their home, calling for Y/N and Jacob as well.

“You are part of this family, Y/N.” Carlisle rests a hand on her shoulder. “Jacob is your mate. Bella is your sister. You have a say in this.”

Jacob votes no.

Y/N votes not to vote. Only expressing her opinion based on her own experience. “I know what it feels like to have your choices taken away. I won’t do it to you.”

Life goes on. Y/N visits the reservation often. Like Jacob promised, everyone is coming around.

Graduation is right around the corner. Bella is waiting until after to become a vampire. Hoping it’ll be easier on Charlie.

He’s definitely not going to let it go a second time. He’ll demand answers that they won’t be able to give. They’ll have to leave. All of them.

Billy can see how much Y/N is wrestling with the decision. “In your heart you know that this is the best thing for everyone. Why are you hellbent on torturing yourself?”

“I’m not,” she shakes her head.

“You and Jake will get each other through.” Billy isn’t worried about that.

“What about my Dad?” He’ll be devastated.

Billy sighs, resting a hand on her shoulder. “What’d you want me to say kid?”

“Give me another choice.” She covers his fingers with her own.

“You having a pity party without me?” Jacob catches them, leaning heavily against the doorframe of his childhood kitchen.

“You were sleeping.” Y/N sniffs, breaking away from Billy. “I made you breakfast. Pancakes, French toast, eggs, bacon, sausage and-“

“And?” Jacob perks up.

“Chocolate chips muffins for dessert.”

“You’re trying to butter me up, huh?” Jacob grins, making his way to the breakfast table. “It’s working. Just give it to me straight.”

“I’ll leave you to it,” Billy excuses himself.

“The Cullens are having a graduation party for Bella.” Y/N watches the wolf take a bit of food from each dish.

“Just Bella?” Jacob arches a brow.

She huffs, reaching into her bag for the formal invite.

‘Congrats Grad!’

‘Please join us to celebrate, Alice, Jasper, Bella, Edward, Y/N and Jacob.’

‘R.S.V.P. To Alice or Esme Cullen.’

“Wow,” Jacob takes it all in. “They shouldn’t have.”

“They gave them to half of Forks high school.” Y/N explains, “most of my senior class remembers you as my hot boyfriend from a different school.”

“I am your hot boyfriend from a different school.” There is no denying it.

Y/N bites her lip. “They gave me a handful of invites for you too. If you want…”

“Really trying to push the whole ‘happy family’ agenda.” Jacob takes the stack of envelopes.

“It’ll only get worse if we indulge them.”

“In a few months they’ll be the only people we know.” Jacob reminds her. “Should probably get used to it.”

Y/N nods, turning her gaze out the window. “The younger we start out in a new place the longer we get to stay.”

“So high school again.” Jacob laughs humorlessly. “Can’t wait.”

“I want to stay in Forks.” Y/N forces out the words. “I want to stay with my Dad.”

“Baby,” Jacob breathes. That’s one thing he can’t give her.

“But it doesn’t matter what I want. Bella has to turn. We have to move on.” Y/N squares her shoulders. “Just let me sulk a little.”

“Sulk away, beautiful.” Jacob takes a bite of scrambled eggs. “Just pass the salt first.”

Series Taglist: @remembered-license @itscheybaby

Part 6

#jacob twilight #jacob black x y/n #jacob black x you #jacob black imagine #jacob black fanfiction #jacob black x reader #jacob black #twilight x you #twilight fanfiction #alice cullen #edward cullen #bella swan #Volturi #charlie swan #billy black

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asterlark · 3 years

Text

ok. samwell college of music au. i wrote all four years let's go babey

eric bittle is this lovely southern tenor (sounds kinda like mitch grassi or ben j pierce) who posts covers (& sometimes originals, but always with neutral or no pronouns because he can't post anything that says he or him ☹) on his youtube channel and has major stage fright but is very talented; he also plays ukulele

he got into samwell college of music on a voice scholarship and his dad doesn’t exactly approve but eric was never the 6′2″ masculine football player he wanted anyway so why not go for his dreams

he auditions for the very competitive samwell men’s contemporary chorus (there’s like 20 choirs; chamber choir, jazz choir, a cappella groups (lax bros do a cappella), combined choirs, etc- smcc does contemporary pop/rock music) and while he’s very very nervous and shaky as he auditions, directors hall & murray see a lot of potential in him (with major grumbling from student director jack)

(the rest of this ridiculously long au under the cut)

the group is small, for a chorus, because the point of the group is not a wall of sound but a focus on all of the very talented guys’ voices coming together in these gorgeous harmonies and basically they’re like one of the best choruses on campus and all the male singers want in

so there’s jack zimmermann, who of course eric knows because everyone knows who he is, he’s the son of bob and alicia zimmermann, both incredibly talented and famous musicians, and basically those genes were in his favor because he’s mega fucking talented

(jack was supposed to sign a recording contract to be in a band with his best friend kent parson when he was 17 but something happened between them and the pressure was too much and jack overdosed on something- there’s so many rumors no one knows what’s real- and kent signed solo in LA & went on to win grammys for his albums about a mysterious ex and jack disappeared for a few years to be a counselor at a music camp and reappears at samwell, knocking everyone’s socks off again like he’d never left, except with a renewed vigor and intenseness that freaks everyone out)

jack is a contemporary writing & production major, freaky talented and sings like a modern day frank sinatra, and he plays like 20 instruments and can read music like breathing air and writes songs like if he stopped he’d die; his music is folksy and mournful and he plays all the instruments on his tracks himself- guitar, piano, strings, drums- it sounds like a full band but nope. just jack. he’s intense

“we all get nicknames in this choir,” justin informs eric on his first day, “we’re those kinda guys.” so he’s bitty, which he finds vaguely offensive (bc he’s not that short!) but still cute, & the rest of the group is introduced to him:

“shitty” knight (voice like colyer) is a musical education major and an enigma of a singer with this awesome, earthy, raspy voice that’s really interesting to listen to and a very.... unique style & look; he writes cheesy but shockingly good raps about social justice topics and he will sing-lecture you if you’ve said something offensive (he also plays banjo)

justin “ransom” oluransi is a music business & management major with an angelic voice you can’t help but listen to; he’s sultry and has an incredible range and does runs like nobody’s business (with a voice like daniel caesar or leslie odom jr UGH)

adam “holster” birkholtz is a voice performance major, wants to be on broadway and it’s all he ever goddamn talks about basically, he’s a belter and has a lot of charisma and starpower and he’ll charm the pants off of you within one note; can also play piano and irritates everyone constantly because his regular volume is like a level 11 (voice like the frontman of my brothers and i combined w/ x ambassadors lead singer)

larissa “lardo” duan is at the local art institute because performing arts is not her jam and she’d much rather paint; she’s a barista at annie’s and supervises open mic nights and keeps the annoying choir dudes from driving away all her patrons

“i’m not even in your dumbass choir,” she says when the group gave her her nickname. holster just told her that she was an honorary member and then started sing-shouting a song at her about how good she is

bitty’s first year is hard because he’s talented and he works hard but he shies away when anyone asks him to sing outside the group and like, he can sing to a camera by himself but being on a stage with everyone looking at you and the sole responsibility of the song on your shoulders is terrifying and no thanks

jack does not. understand this. he’s been performing practically since he came out of the womb and he doesn’t really get performance nerves (what he gets is anxiety about how he did after he gets off stage that follows him home and makes it so he can’t sleep) - so he bothers bitty about it constantly like “you just need practice, you just have to sing by yourself a lot and then you’ll get over it” which like.... that’s true but it’s also hella scary and bitty’s like “no thanks!!!!”

but jack’s annoying and intense so he makes bitty do open mic with him every saturday night and it’s going okay and bitty loves his choir and loves his school and these new friends he’s making and he finally feels comfortable enough to come out to them during his second term

then during their spring choral showcase at the end of his freshman year bitty has a solo and he’s worked really hard on it and he’s feeling good- okay he’s completely freaked out but he’s trying to feel good- but when he gets up on stage there’s so many people and the stage lights are so hot on his face and he flips out a little and maybe he passes out from anxiety and stress right on stage and it’s terrible and he’s so embarrassed and ashamed that he ruined their set at the showcase

of course jack blames himself because “we shouldn’t have given you a solo before you were ready, i misjudged it, i’m sorry” - and they all feel kinda bad bc holy fuck they didn’t know his stage fright was that bad like they didn’t know someone could pass out just by being anxious to sing

he practices all the time over the summer and goes to his local open mic at jack’s insistence and it actually helps a lot because instead of a sea of strangers judging him it’s a bunch of people he knows and they’re all smiling at him and when he finishes his song they cheer for him and it boosts his self-confidence a lot

his sophomore year they have three new members- chris ”chowder” chow (voice like ieuan), an excitable music education major with impressive rapping skills, derek "nursey" nurse (frank ocean or leon bridges type), a songwriting major who can also play violin and guitar, and will ”dex” poindexter (like tom west), a production & engineering major who tried out with chowder bc he needed moral support and didn't expect to get in but impressed the directors with his voice

the year’s going pretty good, bitty’s still pretty scared of singing alone but more confident now and the open mic nights with jack haven’t stopped, so he’s getting better. and one night they’re hanging out at annie’s after closing waiting for lardo to be done so they can walk her home, and bitty suggests that jack sing with him one of these nights, and jack says he doesn’t know any of bitty’s songs and bitty says they can write one together half jokingly but then jack is like “yes.” with that Intense Look

SO they get together a couple days later in jack’s room at the house they all live in together (bitty moved in at the beginning of the year after previous smcc member john johnson called him- how’d he get his number?- and told him he could take his room if he wanted), jack with his guitar and bitty with his ukulele, and it’s a little awkward until bitty says jack should play him one of his songs

and, okay, he doesn’t really know what to expect because the only music jack ever released to the public was that one single he did with kent parson when they were 17 so bitty doesn’t even know if he has anything to play him, but he does- he starts playing these soft, sad notes on the guitar and opens his mouth and sings about being lonely and scared and unsure, about false starts and shaky ground and not knowing where you stand with someone, about expectations and lying awake at night and wishing so hard you were someone else, and bitty watches him sing and just kind of... realizes he’s head over heels for this boy and internally Freaks Out a little

he tries to put that aside and they start to write this song, at first it’s weird because jack’s like “all your songs are love songs i can’t really relate to happy love songs” and bitty’s like “listen... i’ve never even had a boyfriend i just write a bunch of sappy love stuff because it’s not about me it’s about whoever’s listening to it, they’re gonna project their own experiences on my music anyway so it doesn’t matter if it’s my real life or not” and jack’s like “alright while fake af that’s smart and i respect you” (what bitty doesn't say is that he writes about what he really wants which is to fall in love & be in a happy relationship)

they say they’re just gonna write this kinda vague sad song but they both secretly write lines about their actual lives so it ends up being really personal and real and raw for the both of them

they sing the song at open mic that saturday and the crowd at annie’s is never that big but they’ve never got a standing ovation here before, and some girl shouts “MAKE AN ALBUM” (it may or may not be lardo) and they both blush furiously and bitty’s like “... that was really nice, jack” and jack’s like “... yeah it was good good job you’re really getting some confidence out there nice work” (bitty: “THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT AAAAH”)

around this time jack’s really thinking about what he’s gonna do when he’s done at samwell, talking with his parents and his agent and looking into different record companies and deciding if he wants to sign with anyone or possibly start his own company- the head of a small company called falcon records in rhode island has been talking to him a lot, and jack talks to bitty about how he thinks it’d be nice to start small, and the record exec georgia and the producer marty had both been really nice and welcoming, and bitty’s so happy for him but also just... sad that he won’t be around jack every day after he graduates

THEN at a haus party celebrating their win of a local choral competition, who shows up but none other than pop star kent parson to Ruin The Fun

bitty sees the way jack pales when kent walks in, notices them disappear upstairs together and feels a little sick worrying about jack but chalks it up to the highly alcoholic concoction shitty and lardo had cooked up but nonetheless decides he’s sick of the party and goes up to his room and hears.... a little too much

and YIKES he’s standing right there and kent parson, pop star, two-time grammy winner, is looking a little rumpled and staring right at him and he puts his hat on and clears his throat and snaps at jack- “hey. well. call me if you reconsider. but good luck with rhode island. ...i’m sure that’ll make your parents proud.” and jack’s shaking, and bitty doesn’t know what to do but jack goes back into his room and bitty’s just kind of standing there like What The Fuck

so.... he kind of stews over winter break but tries not to think about it too much and he and jack text a bit and jack tells him to practice and bitty’s like “oh, you” and jack’s like “im serious” and bitty’s like “>:( it’s christmas”

spring semester starts and they're doing well in competitions and they go to semifinals and then finals for a prestigious collegiate choir competition and the pressure is mounting but they all are so optimistic and really feel like they're on the same page and bitty’s confidence is better than ever and then.... they don't win

jack especially takes it very hard, but then he also has signing to worry about, which everyone helps him with and he decides to sign with falcon records and start work on an album after graduation

speaking of graduation, shitty and jack graduate and it's hard for them but harder for bitty who feels like he's losing jack in a way, he knows how intense jack gets when he's making music and it doesn't feel like he'll have any time for bitty anymore so when they say goodbye bitty goes back to the haus and listens to his and jack's song and just cries

but, like in canon, dadbob has words of wisdom to impart and jack has an "oh" moment and races across campus to kiss bitty

they get together and the next few months are spent with jack working nonstop on his album (which tbh, he'd had many of the songs written already so it's mostly recording and producing) and texting bitty constantly and coming to visit him and playing him demos of all the songs

jack also asks bitty if they can record the song they wrote together & have it as a bonus track on his album & bitty says of course, so when jack visits they set up an impromptu studio and record vocals in the guest bedroom and this deeply personal song they wrote before they were ever together means so much more to them now

and bitty is so happy but so scared and sad too because jack is playing him these songs telling him "they're all for you bits, & a lot of them are about you" and he just doesn't know how he's going to keep all this love inside even though it feels like jack's career is at stake

he tries to shove it down and stay strong though, especially since he's now an upperclassman and they're taking on new members- connor "whiskey" whisk (voice like finneas or the male singer in valley), a music business/ management major who seems to hate bitty's guts and tony "tango" tangredi (like chaz cardigan), a jazz composition major who astounds everybody with his endless questions but also his ridiculously impressive composition skills & naturally perfect pitch (he can also play saxophone??)

i want ford in this au so fuck it she is a composition major with dreams to write scores for musicals and she stars training as a barista at annie's (aka training to corral the smcc)

the pressure of it all proves to be a lot and bitty and jack have their hi, honey moment where bitty's like i can't be this deep in the closet!!! and so they tell the smcc and also jack's label that they're together and that eases things a bit

jack's album comes out to much critical acclaim and shouting in the groupchat ("#1 ON ITUNES BRAHHHHH!!!!!!!!") and several months later, when smcc has already been eliminated from choral competition in an earlier round, jack is nominated for SEVERAL grammys including best album, song of the year, and best new artist

when the time comes he takes his parents and bitty on the red carpet which, everyone keeps being like "who are you here with jack?" and he's like "my family and my good friend :)" and yes it is awkward

jack wins... all three awards. it's the comeback everyone is stoked to see and when his third win is announced, he and bitty are so elated that they kiss before he goes to accept the award

his speech is basically just "um... wow. thank you. i just kissed my boyfriend on live tv. this is amazing and i'm so humbled. i'd like to thank my boyfriend and georgia and marty and my parents and my friends and my boyfriend"

obviously the press has a FIELD DAY with this but bitty & jack are honestly vibing and so happy that it doesn't matter untiiiillll bitty's mom calls and he has to tell her "mama i'm gay and i'm going on tour with jack this summer okloveyoubye"

the last few months of bitty's junior year pass quickly and he's voted student director which is a huge honor considering how much he struggled with stage fright and confidence & how he'll now be stepping into ransom & holster's shoes

r&h and lardo all graduate (the smcc basically crashes the art school graduation and all scream when lardo gets her diploma lmao), which is a bittersweet occasion and they all do a bit of tearing up

that summer bitty goes on tour across the u.s. & canada with jack and his touring band (snowy is a bassist, tater is a drummer and poots does backing guitar, he also brings nursey to play violin on a few songs) as well as georgia who's there to manage logistics

and tour is so fun & chaotic with many bi and rainbow flags in the audience that end up thrown on stage and draped around jack's neck and they spend so many nights in the bus drinking and laughing and fooling around on the guitars and bitty's uke and exploring new cities bitty has never been to before and it's the freest bitty has felt in a long time

summer ends though, and jack leaves for the uk/europe leg of the tour, and with the new school year brings a few new members- river "bully" bullard (voice like gregory alan isakov), a music therapy major who draws his own cover art for his songs, lukas "louis" landmann (like jr jr), an electronic production and design major with a penchant for EDM, and johnathan "hops" hopper (like keiynan lonsdale), a film scoring major who wants to write music for movies and video games

bitty meets and befriends some of the other student directors- shruti, sd of the women’s contemporary chorus; sharon, sd of the chamber choir; and edgar, sd of jazz ensemble (even chad l., sd of the all-male a cappella group)

senior year passes similarly to the comic; coach visits and sees one of bitty’s competitions, jack comes to madison for christmas, smcc does well in competition and goes to regionals etc

however… bitty keeps putting off and putting off gathering the songs for his senior recital

he has a hard time doing that because he’s so focused on the group and making sure they’re performing well and as they advance in competition, everything else starts to fall away

eventually the rest of the smcc has to lock away his uke and change his youtube password and FORCE him to choose songs for it and start preparing because he cannot graduate without doing this recital and doing well on it

he chooses (of course) a beyonce song, a few of his own songs, an ellie goulding song, and an adele song

with all that his breath hitches and his hands shake before he goes on stage, he does really well and his voice instructor prof atley tears up a little in the audience as does his mom

meanwhile smcc goes to semifinals, then finals, of the national collegiate choral competition they participate in

and i imagine bitty faces somewhat less homophobia in this au because i mean, he’s in the performing arts, but i think it’s still there and he also faces a good amount of classism from richer students and performers who think they’re better because they had the resources and money to be performing professionally from a very young age, and he has been practicing via filming himself on a shitty camcorder and posting it to youtube

but they still get there! and the national finals are fucking HUGE and a big deal and a little overwhelming

bitty’s stage fright is Present because this is the biggest stage and the biggest stakes he's ever had and he has a big solo in one of their songs so if he fucks up, he fucks up a national championship for his whole group and school

luckily though, when he steps on the stage with his best friends and sees his boyfriend and family and smcc alums in the audience and they perform their first song, a high-energy pop medley that always gets the crowd going, everything seems to melt away and it's just him living in this moment and singing his heart out

when it gets to the next song and his solo, he forgets to be nervous and belts it out, getting screams of approval from the audience when he finishes

(dex and nursey do have a duet together that they had to practice for many long nights in the practice rooms alone but that's neither here nor there)

their time on stage seems to last both hours and no time at all and then they're done, the crowd gives them a standing ovation and it's at least 30% r&h & shitty's hooting and hollering and jack's enthusiastic clapping that makes bitty & the others beam with pride

then it's just waiting, giddy and nervous beyond belief in their green room, for the judging to be over

after what feels like forever they're back on stage, arms linked together waiting and hoping for their name to be called and it is, they win and it feels like years have built up to this moment, and bitty tears up because years ago when he was fainting from anxiety at having to perform in front of people he never could've imagined that he'd do this, that he'd be the student director that led them to a championship

they get the trophy and a ridiculous amount of flowers from their loved ones and they all are just in giddy disbelief that this is happening, they're national champs!!! they are the best choir boys in the nation!!

they come home and the rest of the school year passes by so quickly that it's very suddenly graduation and bitty can't believe his college career at samwell is over 😢

(he and ollie and wicky take pictures together, o&w talk about how excited they are to devote full time attention to their band & wedding planning and bitty's just like wait you're gay??)

bitty got plenty of offers from record companies but he likes his freedom of creativity and he has a built in fanbase from doing youtube all these years so he decides to make an album independently (jack helps him produce & master it 🥰)

when bitty's album comes out about a year later, full of bops about being gay and in love and having struggled but come out the other side more confident than ever, it doesn't get any grammy nominations- and he didn't expect or need that.

what it does do is it resonates. it makes the rounds in youtube and queer internet circles; people his age reach out to him saying this is the music they wish they had as a kid and kids reach out to him saying he's a role model and they're so glad to have his music to listen to. his album is written about as an underrated gem that shines with queer brilliance and is sure to start a party when it comes on.

his parents may not fully understand the road he's chosen for himself but they're still so proud and promote the album as hard as any of his loyal fans (especially the one country-inspired song on the album that he wrote and dedicated to them).

and jack, jack who saw this album from its infancy to its release date, who took the film photo that ended up being the album cover, who worked with bitty to make sure his vision was realized exactly how he wanted it to be, is proud beyond words.

jack starts using his semi-abandoned twitter again to tweet "stream [album name]" every day and bitty retweets them sometimes, with just a "this boy. ❤"

and they're happy. they're good. they have come so far and they are reaping the rewards of all the hard work they put in to make the music that they truly love.

the end :)

#check please #omgcp #samwell college of music au #mine #my writing #eric bittle #jack zimmermann #omgcp fic #check please fic #zimbits #uhh idk what else to tag #this fucking thing is like 4.1k words i'm-#i hope you enjoy it (and reblog it!) bc i've been working on this for literal years #i know i'll never actually write it as a longform fic so here's a bullet pt fic instead #pls let me know your thoughts i have so many things to say about this au

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twilightofthe · 2 years

Text

Hey y’all!

Just figured I should say hi to some of y’all since I realize I haven’t been the most talkative on here as of late

Here’s why.

I am fighting Star Wars fandom burnout so hard. So, so hard.

This media meant more to me than any media ever had for a long, long long time. It still holds this near and dear spot to me in my heart. But now it’s just like, losing the magic, losing the love, losing the passion, and I am 1000% blaming it on Disney and its need to fuck the skeleton of every dead horse they drag back out of the grave.

Basically it’s like, there’s too much content? And yeah some of it is content that I LIKE, like. I’ve been begging for more Rebels content since it ended over four years ago and now we’re finally getting the return of at least Sabine Hera and Ezra! We’re getting a Cassian show and I LOVED Cassian in Rogue One and never dreamed I’d get more content of him! We had an Obi Wan and Anakin show with baby Skytwins. WE HAD AN OBI WAN AND ANAKIN SHOW WITH BABY SKYTWINS. Like, if you had offered me any of this stuff back in like, 2017, I would have lost my goddamn mind, I would have been ecstatic, the Obi Wan show alone would have made me have a heart attack and die of excitement alone and haunt the shit out of the show as a ghost so I didn’t miss a single millisecond of it.

But now I’m just like. Recoiling from all of Disney’s new planned release announcements? Like I’m looking at all of these ideas and I’m just sighing wearily over the Mando S3 trailer and grunting cynically at the Tales of the Jedi like “hmm whose characterization are they going to fuck up this time” and Andor is so close and I’m scraping the bottom of my barrel to try and find the joy to watch it and rolling my eyes at Ezra casting rumors like “ok yeah sure but it’s in the fucking Ahsoka show they won’t do him justice anyway” and I hate it so much, because this is Star Wars, and I love Star Wars so, so much!

Like this is my universe with my favorite disaster blorbos and the creative worlddbuilding and the magic that I fell in love with, and not being able to find excitement in that is breaking my heart???

Like, I don’t know, it just feels like it’s getting too big for me? Like they’re adding on more and more to the story and I’m struggling to keep up and none of it is even mattering to me anymore because they’re just going to dump more on top of me before I can even breathe.

Quite literally drowning in content.

I love chocolate cake, it’s like Disney heard me say I love chocolate cake and now they just keep force-feeding me more and more and more chocolate cake even when I’m full, even when I need time to digest, even when while I still love chocolate cake, maybe I’d prefer some vanilla ice cream instead, no they just keep shoveling it in and my stomach is going to rupture.

And it doesn’t make sense and I feel like a bad fan or someone who doesn’t care enough, because I’m seeing OTHER people in the fandom who have been around for just as long as me or longer and they’re still going strong! They’re still having fun! They’re not letting the circumstances cramp their genuine, shining joy for the characters and stories they love, and I want that. I’m jealous of them that I can’t do that, and feeling guilty as shit that I’m being like, disloyal or something, or I never really loved it all that much if I could get so tired so easily?

I’m not going anywhere, y’all, I promise. I’ll be right here and I’ll be excited to watch and reblog for Andor and Tales of the Jedi and Visions volume 2.

But I might be a bit quieter because I’m fighting not to lose something I’ve loved so much for so long. I need to find that love again.

#morai musings #sorry this is a negative one i just had to get it out there

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roniscloud · 3 years

Text

lhs - runnin’

lee heeseung [a. + f. 4700 words] runnin’

to you

you came up on some new

i know i shouldn’t feel blue

‘cause i was runnin’ out of time for you

synopsis: you met heeseung in your freshman year of college and immediately hit it off. you’ve made it to your third year and when everyone including yourselves thought that you were each other’s endgame, the devastation when you two split was immeasurable. you both know there’s still love between you. this break allows you both to realize new things. can you two find your ways back to each other? will this be the final goodbye?

genre + tropes: angst. fluff. comedy. college!au. establishedrelationship!au. exes!au.

warnings: fem reader. swearing. arguing. nosy friends. cold heeseung and cold reader. drifting relationship. interventions. slight suggestive themes but it’s only mentioned like once. they both pine over each other. mentions of alcohol and binge drinking. maybe not a happy ending. if you choose to see it that way. whoops. appearances of the rest of enha plus txt yeonjun and soobin.

i. the break

“so this is how it’s gonna end? i thought we were doing fine.”

heeseung erupts into an even angrier fit, “are you kidding me? we are not fucking fine. in what world is this fine? tell me!”

you scoff from where you stand cross-armed on the other side of the bedroom. “well, can you really blame me? it’s hard to see if there’s something wrong if we never see each other.”

“exactly my point! we don’t see each other.”

the two of you have been at each other’s throats since heeseung showed up at your apartment. you have no idea how long ago that was or when the argument started. all you remember is coming up to him when he arrived, wanting to actually spend some time with him. instead he shrugged you off and ignored you, blaming the fatigue. the rest has been a blur. one of you made an offhand comment and now here you are: frustrated and in another fight.

a quick recap: you two met at a mutual friend’s party. you thought that each other was attractive and he ended up asking you out. from there you kept going out, fell in love, dated, and everyone thought you were perfect together. three years later and it’s getting tiring. life has been draining trying to balance it all.

“and who’s fault is that?”

annoyed, he snaps back, “oh please, you can not put the blame solely on me.”

“bullshit. i sure can when i’m the only one making an effort here. i’ve actually been trying to save us. you, on the other hand…” you pause again, rolling your eyes, “well, we both know just how much you care.”

his jaw drops, defensively he spits back, “are you genuinely implying that i don’t care about you? about us? that’s rich.”

you move to sit on the edge of the bed, staring at a single spot on the floor. you can see the shadow of heeseing pacing back and forth. you sit there, not looking at each other. the only sounds to be heard are his footsteps and the heavy sighs from you. you think back to the last several weeks. you recall each of the times you have been able to see each other. there’s no substance, nothing memorable. the only thing that comes to mind is that you always end up not talking at all or arguing.

just like right now.

“be real, heesung. when was the last time we went on a date? when was the last time you stayed the night without it ending up with you just knocking out? when was the last time we actually sat down and had a conversation? be honest because i will. i can’t remember.”

“and yet you thought we were fine?”

“well it’s better to believe a good lie than face the hurtful truth. i’m trying to save this relationship. i’m trying all the fucking time and you don’t do shit.”

he spits back frustrated, “well maybe that’s because there’s nothing to be saved.”

“are you kidding me right now? am i supposed to be scared? you tell me that there’s nothing to be saved and expect me to just give up?”

“sorry but i’m not running from this anymore.”

“you’re not sorry and we both know it.” you push yourself back up to stand, resting your hands on your hips, “you can’t say you’re sorry and expect me to forgive you. that’s not how this works.”

“this isn’t what i wanted to happen. this isn’t how it was supposed to go.”

“then make it work.”

“i- i can’t,” he holds his hands over his face, running one through his hair, “it’s too much.”

“so what? what do you mean?”

he finally stops. he takes a deep breath and lets it all out, “i just can’t see this working anymore, at least not like this.”

ii. week one

you thought this would be more difficult. that this would be the hardest pill to swallow. the first week apart may actually be the easiest. nothing has really changed. that’s probably because you haven’t told anyone that you two are no longer together. perhaps the time that you didn’t spend with each other before the break up had trained you for this.

life goes on, with or without heeseung. that’s what you keep telling yourself. you choose to get caught up with your life. you have other priorities. it’s not a crime to focus on yourself for the first time in three years.

heeseung feels the same. he doesn’t see any point on dwelling on the breakup. sure, he was the one who made the decision. he’s the one who put it out there. he’s the one who ended it and the one who is taking responsibility.

lucky for both of you, you don’t have any courses together and your schedules don’t really coincide. there’s no chance at any awkward run-ins. there is this weird, tiny feeling though. there’s this small inkling of something missing. you both suppress it. i mean, hell, the breakup just happened.

iii. scheming

meanwhile, your friends have all seemed to notice that the two of you are off. they aren’t sure what it is. they get that you two have had some time apart, but you’re both adults with lives. you have your own classes, jobs, other friends, and such. no one mentions it because they don’t think it’s their business.

but come on… there’s no way they won’t get to the bottom of it. our resident gossips, sunoo and sunghoon, team up and make it their mission to snoop around. of course, they take precautions to not get caught. the scheming duo find out nothing, to no avail.

now the gang of the scheming duo plus jay, jake, and niki have convened in the common room of jungwon’s dorm building. the 02z are all playing billiards in one corner. sunoo battles jungwon in a game of ping pong. the youngest of the group sits by himself on one of the couches, contemplating if he should speak up. they’ve been in a heated discussion as they try to figure out what exactly has been irking them.

riki, against his own conscience, speaks up to the five. he has this gut feeling and innocently wants to voice his opinion. “what if,” the young boy start out while gauging the faces of the others, “now don’t get mad and just hear me out.” he stops again, taking his time to make eye contact with each of the older boys, waiting until they all nod, “what if… they broke up?”

the group of friends all exchange glances with each other before breaking out into laughter. jay composes himself a bit, still chuckling when he says, “seriously? you think they broke up? heeseung and y/n? yeah, no way.”

sunoo leans onto the ping pong table and eggs him on, “they are literally soulmates.”

jungwon sets his racket down and goes to plop himself next to riki on the couch, “there is no way in hell the two of them split.”

iv. breaking news

“yeah, we split.” plain and simple. three words that crushed the poor hearts of jake and jungwon. he broke the news over brunch. he sensed their curiosity when they deliberately never brought you up.

“good joke there, dude. almost had me for a second.” jake says, awkwardly with a forced laugh.

the youngest of the three chiming in and agreeing, “yeah, that’s really funny.” a silence hits the booth. “you are joking… right?”

the oldest then looks back and forth between the two, tilting his head to one side like a confused pup. he doesn’t see why they think he would joke and simply replies, “nope. you guys haven’t asked so i’m guessing you tried to snoop around and pick up on my cues. i’m also guessing sunoo’s behind this whole operation.”

“ok wait,” jake interjects, “what do you mean you broke up? you can’t just break up.”

jungwon agrees, “he’s right. you two are just playing a prank on us.”

“guys, i’m serious. y/n and i are no longer together.” the two just freeze, jaws dropped, eyes wide. “besides, it’s better this way.”

v. bad timing

meanwhile the remaining four members of their friend group have met up in the campus library in an attempted study session. so far, they’ve just gone back to gossiping and slacking off. the boys all find themselves teetering on the verge of sleep. that is until sunghoon catches you walking in. immediately going to softly pat the others back awake, they all look up confused. trying to stay subtle, hoon jerks his head to the side in your direction.

you make your way to one of the shelves, searching high and low for a book you need for your literature class. sneaking up behind you comes choi yeonjun, the library aid and a friend of yours.

“need any help?”

“no thanks, i’m good jun.” you give him a polite smile.

unbeknownst to both of you, the failure of a study group has creeped to a closer table. they knew that you two were friends but they still can’t help but eavesdrop. “will you two please shut up so we can hear them?” the annoyed face evident on sunghoon’s face at the bickering of sunoo and niki. he turns to see jay, snacking and not paying attention. he rolls his eyes at the group, his gaze then catching yeonjun leading you out of the shelves. quickly shushing the three and nodding his head in your direction again, they finally get the hint.

yeonjun steps in front of you, “so you know my friend soobin, right?”

“soobin… as in choi soobin?”

yeonjun flashes his bright smile, “that’s the one.”

“yeah i know him. we had a stats class together a while back. he definitely taught me a few tricks around a calculator.” you laugh with him, “he’s super sweet, and needless to say cute too.”

“well, am i glad to hear that! long story short, he’s kinda been crushing on you lately and wants to know if you’re free. he mentioned your shared class before but he said he never got your number.”

“since you have mine already, go ahead and give it to him. tell him i’m free whenever he is.”

yeonjun raises his eyebrows at your boldness, “will do. i just wanted to ask you first before i gave it to him because… y’know…”

“no worries, i completely understand.”

he gives a quick goodbye before going back to his desk. storming quickly, four faces appear in front of you, all a combination of confusion, shock, and anger.

sunoo starts, “um… y/n. why are you telling yeonjun to give your number to another guy?”

“yeah, are you cheating on heeseung?” his partner in crime, sunghoon, joins in.

you pause and scan their faces. your face dawns an equally as confused expression. “how can i cheat on someone who isn’t my boyfriend?”

four jaws simultaneously drop. riki’s being the first to close and answer a bit hushed, “i knew it.”

jay turns to him in disbelief, “not the time, niki!”

“did heeseung not tell you guys?” you ask them slowly. “i assumed he would be the one to let you all know.”

“that you two broke up?!” sunoo asks angrily, being shushed by yeonjun from the counter. giving an apologetic smile then tuning back into your conversation, “what do you mean you two broke up?”

“we just… broke up. that’s it. end of story. now if you’ll excuse me, i have to actually study.”

they watch you check out the book you came in for originally and walk out the doors, unsure of what to do next.

vi. the intervention

arranging your monthly movie night was not exactly the easiest task given the tensions surrounding two people in your group. so the only logical solution that they all could think of was to simply not to tell one of you that the other was coming over. a fool-proof plan.

in the dorm of the 02z, you did not expect to see heeseung when you walked in.

he gets up from his spot on the couch, “what the hell is going on here?”

“yeah, an explanation would be nice.” you cross your arms as you glare at the younger boys.

niki, trying to act as mediator gestures for both of you two sit on the loveseat—the same loveseat that was always reserved for the two of you before. “this is an intervention.”

after the confession of their intentions, everyone goes quiet. not a single word is spoken for several minutes, no one knowing how to start. after much internal contemplation, jungwon finally attempts to start. “we brought you two here today because- you know what, i can’t do this.” he stops and cuts himself off, burying his face in his hands.

sunoo sits next to him with his arms crossed. “how dare you two? our parents gets divorced and we don’t even get a notice.” it was common for them to refer to you and heeseung as the parents of the group, being the oldest. although something about sunoo still calling you by that nickname stings, him shaking his head to display his disappointment making you feel guilty.

you see heeseung out of the corner of your eye avoiding looking up to your friends. “look, i don’t see the big deal. we broke up. that happens when relationships don’t work out.”

sunghoon quickly intervenes, “how can you say it isn’t a big deal? you’re letting three years go to waste and that’s all you can say? that’s what happens.” he scoffs at how shameless you come off.

“well, would you rather us stay together even when we were unhappy?” their reactions were a mix of shouts, the words yes, of course not, and duh all blending into each other.

that’s what brought your ex boyfriend out of his daze. “y/n has a point. we broke up and it’s over. we were no longer happy and i don’t see the point in bringing it up again either. it’s in the past. let it go.” he says rather coldly and sternly. him actually saying it and acknowledging it caused that weird feeling to come back. his body language is off, too. your years together has taught you enough about heeseung to know when he’s upset, especially with himself.

jake takes his turn, looking down at his fidgeting hands and muttering sadly, “but you promised each other forever.”

that prompts you and heeseung to glance at each other quickly, making eye contact and it lingering for a couple of seconds. you look away first, not noticing that his stare doesn’t leave you.”some promises just can’t be kept.” your response then making him turn away.

“bullshit.” it’s the first word uttered by jay this entire time. “neither of you are the type to break promises.”

“some things can’t be helped,” heeseung defends.

jay, getting angrier, asks his friend, “did you know that she’s already going on a date? yeah, that guy, soobin. i’m pretty sure you know who he is. your ex,” he makes sure to stress the last word with a certain degree of annoyance, “thinks he’s cute.”

emotionless, heeseung answers back, “good for her, then.”

you were sure that you were over him, that’s why you said yes to the date. but something about him not caring leaves you feeling odd.

jungwon stops your train of thought, “no, you’re supposed to be upset. you’re supposed to get jealous and confess you still want to be with her. you’re supposed to fight for her and be together.”

another quick glance between the two of you, lasting longer than the previous one. no words are said on his end, but you know exactly what he’s trying to say. “he doesn’t have to fight when i’m the one who ended it.” you knew him. you knew he couldn’t admit to the others his decision. after all, he wants to be a good role model even in his darkest times. he couldn’t crush their idea of love and you did what you had to do. you lied for his sake—and maybe even yours.

vii. him

two months have passed since the breakup. there’s tension amongst the friend group, the six not wanting to pick sides between you and heeseung. they’re constantly going back and forth, like they’re walking on eggshells as to not bring up something that only happened with the other.

to get your mind off everything, you’ve found comfort in soobin. well, more accurately you’ve found comfort in between his sheets, or wherever you two decide for it to go down. that’s not to say the dates aren’t great. you’re not official and you both know that. your latest date, however, couldn’t help but feel weird.

the date was going pretty well. don’t get me wrong—soobin is a great guy. he’s sweet, caring, funny, and handsome. you have a lot in common like your taste in drinks and movies. maybe if you had met him first, you would’ve dated him… but you didn’t meet him first. you met heeseung first, and soobin isn’t heeseung.

you found yourself drifting from the conversation now and then, thinking about how heeseung would’ve been at that moment. you think back to his habits, particularly the way he raises his eyebrows whenever he’s excited or talking about something he’s passionate about. you always found it endearing. over the course of dinner, you are able to notice that soobin has some cute habits too, like him covering his face when he gets shy or puffing out his cheeks. but it still isn’t the same.

“you two deserve each other.”

soobin catches your attention again with that comment. “what?”

“you and heeseung. i know that look. don’t try to lie to me.”

“look, heeseung is my past, and i want it to stay that way.”

“do you really want it to stay that way, or are you just afraid of what could happen if you let him back into your present?”

you give him a teasing glare, “don’t get all philosophical with me. i just don’t think he and i can go back to how we were before.”

“what’s so bad about you two changing? obviously if it didn’t work out, you shouldn’t try to be what you were before.”

“can’t i just try with you?”

“as much as i would love for you to give me that chance, i can’t do that to you or to myself. it’s not fair.”

you hesitantly ask him, “but is it worth it?”

“that’s not my decision to make.”

viii. her

now that you’re virtually not in his life, he seems to be looking for you everywhere. actually… rather than going out of his way to look for you, everything just reminds him of you. the jingles of the commercials you always sang along to, your favorite songs on the radio, the reruns of 90’s shows you always binged. hell, even when he was making ramen, he was reminded of how you would make his favorite for him every time he was stressed over an exam. he was sitting in the back of the lecture hall, trying so hard to stay awake for his 3 hour long class with the most boring professor on campus. he fought the urge to text you since it felt like second nature to rely on you to help cheer him up.

there was a particular night when it really hit him. reality smacked him in the face late one evening. heeseung was bored out of his mind, laying alone in bed, aimlessly browsing netflix to find something to watch. he thinks to himself y/n would’ve slammed this laptop closed and talked all night about random and obscure topics. he laughs to himself, reliving the memories. right then, it’s obvious. he misses her.

ix. promises

the rain hitting your bedroom window had no help on your already gloomy mood. what did help was the bottle of soju- well more realistically, four bottles of soju. it was all the liquid courage you needed to call heeseung at three in the morning.

you sat drowsily on the rug of your living room, your phone on speaker and placed in front of you as you stared out the dewy glass. you heard the phone ring seven times, ready to hang up until you heard his groggy voice come out from the other end. “hello? y/n, why are you up?”

you laugh softly and ask him, sounding loopy, “why are you up?”

“because you’re calling me. would you like to give me a reason why, and are you drunk?”

“maybe. anyways, you know… i was thinking. we broke a lot of promises and it hurts. i have to know that we’re not bad people. i have to keep at least one, right?”

heeseung groans but lets you ramble, knowing that you won’t stop until you’ve said it all, “go on…”

“we made a promise that if something was going on, if we were in a dark place, that we would talk to someone. well, if you couldn’t tell by now, i’m not in the best place. the first person i thought to talk to was you.”

“why me?”

“shhh… don’t ask questions. i know you’re tired so just stay on the phone and let me talk. ok?”

he goes quiet for a bit, sighing, “ok.”

“i miss you. i do. i don’t expect you to miss me but i just want to say it,” pausing to hiccup, “soobin helped me realize some things, saying some crap like we deserve each other.” you chuckle as you recall his words, “maybe he said it because bad people deserve bad people. maybe he said it because in our own fucked up lives, we’re the only ones who can understand each other. i did a lot of thinking and i’ve come to the conclusion that we don’t. because if we stay together, we can’t move on. we can’t grow. we can’t become good people, no matter how much we want it. that’s life. sometimes, no matter how much we want something, no matter how much we wish on stars or pray, some things just aren’t meant to be.”

“y/n, get some rest…”

“wait, i’m not done. you already can tell i’ve been drinking and to be honest i have been, for a while. i do it,” starting to choke up and sniffle, “because it helps me forget. even if it’s just for a minute that i can forget what happened, i’ll drink as much as it takes. i’ll grow out of it, eventually. i know i will, but for now… i have to do what i have to do. i’m sure you can relate.” you laugh again, getting more drowsy. you bring your legs up, hugging your knees. faintly, the sounds of heeseung’s snores play from your phone. you smile to yourself, “i wish you were here, singing me a lullaby. i don’t know when you fell asleep but goodnight. take care of yourself.”

cuddled up in his bed, heeseung hears you hang up. he lets you believe he didn’t hear what you said. he knows the reality of it all and the weight that you both are carrying. knowing that you won’t check your phone for the rest of the night, he sends you a quick text: bookstore, saturday, noon. goodnight.

as he turns off his phone to try to fall back asleep, he sees his reflection in the black screen. he sees his puffy, red eyes and his tear-stained cheeks. the end of it all is coming and finally, you two are ready for it.

x. love song

seeing him in person is a good idea. clearing the air, letting it all out, getting closure. all good ideas, you hope. walking into the bookstore was a weird feeling. when you spot him sitting by the window, you quietly make your way over. he looks up at your new presence, his feet shuffling out of nervousness. you notice the glass of pear juice on the small coffee table in front of him, already half empty.

“hi,” he says like a whisper.

“hi,” you awkwardly respond. it’s unlike the two of you to not know how to start a conversation. you make your way onto the cushioned seat, letting yourself get comfortable to help ease the tension. you each avoid the other’s gaze, not knowing how to begin. you sigh and finally ask, “how have you been?”

“busy,” he says as he nods, “finally took up actual music lessons. thought it would be better to have someone who’s played piano and guitar professionally instead of trying to teach myself.”

you softly giggle, “that’s good. you’ve always loved music.”

“yeah… how about you?”

“same, busy. i got the t.a position i applied for like forever ago.”

“congrats! you still looking to become a teacher?”

“well, generally yeah. i was having my doubts before but i just fell back into it. finally being able to be there, present, and guiding others… that’s what i want.” you sit there across from him, watching him and taking it all in. the man in front of you is heeseung, but not the heeseung you knew. no, this is the better version of him. the version of him where he can focus on himself. the version of heeseung that’s glowing and happy and ready to take on the world. “so, look. there’s no easy or delicate way to put it but i think there are things we both need to get off our chests.”

“agreed. since it all happened—the fights, the breakups, the ambush interventions—we haven’t actually talked.”

“those interventions… they were silly but the guys did help me realize some things. we’re growing up. sure, i thought we had this plan of us graduating, getting married, having a family, settling down, growing old. we both wanted that type of life. sadly, it’s not what happened and we have to live with it.”

he lets out a chuckle, “heeseung and y/n: meant for each other and meant to be.”

“but not meant to last. what a bittersweet and poetic ending."

“it’s like people always say: right person, wrong time.”

“you know… you used to tell me that our love song was the soundtrack to the best life you could live.” you reach out and take his hand in yours, “i just,” pausing to take a deep breath and compose yourself, “i just want you to know… that if anything happens-”

he cuts you off with a quiet gasp, whispering your name with a shaky voice, “don’t.”

you shake your head and gently squeeze his hand, “if anything happens… if in the end, we don’t find our way back and it isn’t us, don’t think we ended on a bad note.” you drop your head as you chuckle lightly before continuing, “cause you were always on key.” you give him a small grin, trying your hardest to not make things worse by crying. “we were just playing different tunes.”

he pulls you in closer to him, placing his hands softly on your cheeks. “i always hated seeing you cry,” he says as he wipes away the tears on your face, not bothering about his own. he wraps his arms around you, holding you close for the last time.

you stay there in his warmth, hearing him sniffle as he tries to hold back the falling tears. when you pull away, you tell him “i will always love you. maybe not in the way i thought i would but it’s still there.”

“maybe in our next life, it’ll be the right time.” with that, he leaves a kiss on your forehead, leaves the bookstore, and leaves your life. your duet that worked in perfect harmony now playing a beautiful cadence—two wandering artists, free to fill your own wretched worlds with new melodies, the bliss and tranquility of it all. the hope that maybe one day, you’ll be in each other’s lives again is enough.

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thefanficmonster · 3 years

Text

Stranger In The Crowd

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: None

Genre: FLUFF, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having recently ended the process of moving, Y/N is rightfully very tired but also very excited for the new chapter of her life. Funnily enough, this new chapter includes a newly formed long distance friendship/crush with a very special person from San Diego.

Requested by @boiled-onionrings Hi darling! Thank you so much for your wonderful request and I’m really sorry you’ve had to wait so long for it to be posted but here it finally is and I hope you enjoy the read! Love, Vy ❤

I let out a heavy sigh, relieved to finally be at home after such a long day of standing around in the Georgia heat with only a thin layer of fabric to protect my eyes and head from the scorching sun. Yeah, anyone who says that tent did well at protecting everyone under it today is nothing but a liar. I was in a short, strapless white summer dress, the fabric of which barely had any weight and consistency to provide heat of its own yet I still damn near melted. Ok, I’ll admit, some of the roasting heat probably came from the energy and force I put into singing the songs of my band’s new album ‘Starting At The End’.

The mini concert we held in this large open field was meant as an introduction to the city of Savannah where all the band members - myself included - are actually from but we all moved to the West Coast to pursue our music career. And now that we’ve grown, and the majority of us are married, one of us is a father now as well, we’ve decided to return to our hometown. The decision was so spontaneous and was executed so quickly due to no one objecting to it that it still hasn’t me that I’m no longer in LA. The heat isn’t helping my ‘processing’ process but I’ll get to it eventually. Do I miss LA though? Not sure I do - I think I more miss the people I was closer to while I was there.

Suddenly, as if perfectly timed, my phone dings, notifying me that I’ve received a message. I don’t have to look to know it’s from - there’s only one person I actively text and his name is....

C ~ Your virtual buddy Corpse here, making sure you didn’t die of a heatstroke today. If you did indeed survive, just reply to this message, if not....don’t do anything, I guess.

I can’t help but giggle at the sight of the message. I promised Corpse I’d text him after the concert to let him know I was ok, but the even dragged out for longer than anticipated so I’m guessing he got worried.

How cute.

Me ~ Alive and well, but I do feel like a popped tire of an overloaded truck. Hope that’s a visually appealing description

Corpse and I met on the charity livestream Jacksepticeye organized and invited our band to so we could play Among Us with some of the best gamers and streamers on the internet. It was a huge honor and a ton of fun, definitely an event I’d like to repeat in the near future because I had such a good time and I know all my bandmates did too. We all got acquainted and even became official friends with the gamers that were practically our hosts, Corpse becoming the closest friends I’d earn. That livestream happened months ago and we still text just as consistently.

C ~ Oh I know EXACTLY what you mean. Anyway, as to not exhaust you further to force you into typing, how about you send me pictures to sum up your thoughts and emotions and plans for the evening

This is OUR THING trademark, mine and Corpse’s and no one can take it away from us. It’s a significant element of our friendship that enables us both to understand one another when one of us feels the way I described in my message - a popped tire or a deflated balloon. I’m usually the exhausted one - blame the many shows we do and the many meet-and-greets we organize for our lovely fans. It’s the type of exhaustion none of the band members mind at all, but we definitely need some time to recover from it.

As I go to sit down on my couch, the flower crown I’ve been wearing slips off the top of my head, falling on the floor, creating a soft noise that attracts the attention of one of my many cats - Sasha. She’s the youngest and most curious kitty in the family, always protected by the other four - Luna, Cassie, Silver and Lynn. Those four are far lazier and a lot more disinterested in comparison to Sasha who immediately runs over to see what’s fallen.

I smile to myself, taking the flower crown and undoing it to lessen it by a few stems to make it smaller, all the while being watched by the curious Sasha whose interest is rewarded in the end when I put the now adorably tiny flower crown on her head.

While she still hasn’t shaken the thing off I manage to snap a pic which I send to Corpse who opens it mere seconds after it was delivered.

C ~ Sasha’s pulling off your aesthetic better than you. Sorry, someone had to let you know

I burst out laughing for two reasons - 1.The message itself, damn it! It’s hilarious; 2. Corpse has learnt the name of each one of my cats and never mixes them up - not even Luna and Lynn who look almost identical. That amount of attention to detail is astonishing and very meaningful to me, it genuinely warms my heart and that may or may not be dramatic but it’s definitely not exaggerated.

Me ~ You think I haven’t caught on yet?

C ~ Well, if it makes you feel any better you pull off my aesthetic better than I do

He’s referring to the e-girl look I did for one show the band had in downtown LA one night. I was drunk and looking forward to trying new things so I improvised the hell out of my outfit but I apparently looked presentable enough to leave a good impression on Corpse despite the pic I sent him being a bit blurry and being a mirror selfie in the bathroom of the very bar we were performing in. It goes without saying that the mirror was dirty too - had a bunch of writing on it which Corpse said only added to the aesthetic. Looking back on it now I kinda agree, and luckily so did the fans in the comments of that same photo when I posted it on Instagram.

Me ~ Means a lot actually. Nowhere near enough to aid the burn of having a cat pull off cottagecore better than I do, but still helps XD

As if sensing that we’re talking about her, Sasha hops on the couch, poking her head over my phone to look down at the screen.

Now this is gonna be golden.

I take a selfie with my phone in my lap, the camera capturing both me and Sasha at a rather unflattering angle which has me losing my mind laughing when I send the picture to Corpse who immediately sends back a string of cry-laughing emojis.

C ~ I can’t tell which one of you is cuter

Me ~ If that was a compliment, I gotta say I appreciate it greatly

C ~ Just telling the truth ;)

It’s times like these that the butterflies in my stomach remind me just why I’ve started catching feelings for this man despite all the distance between us and despite barely knowing him - he knows me more than I know him but I don’t mind it, oddly enough.

I’m fond of our connection and though I sometimes dream of something more, I’m also content with what we already have considering that ‘something more’ seems rather unattainable as of now.

My phone dings again, clearing the fog of thoughts and presenting me with a new message from Corpse.

C ~ Oh, by the way, look what I got....

That message is followed up by a picture of a ticket. A plane ticket to Georgia!

While I’m still busy stomaching this and dealing with my quickly rising excitement, he sends another message.

C ~ I hope to catch a The Silver Rays concert while I’m there. Heard they had an adorable frontwoman ;)

My breath catches in my throat as a wide grin spreads across my face. The thought of having Corpse so close to me sends those aforementioned butterflies in my stomach into a raving mood and they practically explode my insides with excitement and joy like I’ve never felt it before. I can’t wrap my brain around the fact that we’re about to go from having an entire country between us, to being just some ways away - him in the audience and me on stage without a single clue of who to look for. That’s part of the excitement though, I guess, part of the guessing game that’s gonna make our meeting all the more interesting.

He’ll be a stranger in the crowd and I’ll be a performer on a stage - seemingly two people who have no relation whatsoever. But damn does it go beyond that: No one has to know how hard I’m falling for that stranger in the crowd.

Me ~ I’ve heard so too, can’t confirm it though

If this is gonna be a guessing game, I’ll flip the tables a bit - I won’t take any guesses. I’ll let the answer come to me. I’ll give the first move over to the stranger in the crowd, let’s see what he does.

C ~ I’ll check and let you know, don’t worry

Not worried whatsoever, Corpsie. I’m not worried at all.

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witchlyboo · 3 years

Text

Definitely, maybe.

Part five: The one who belongs to someone else.

Introduction. Part one. Part two. Part three. Part four.

Paring: Latina!reader x Logan Lerman x Tom Holland x Ben Hardy x Timothee Chalamet x Pedro Pascal x Michael B. Jordan

Warnings: Swearing, angst, misspellings, some Spanish, me learning how to write properly, and NY stuff that I've learned from movies that we all agree to pretend are real.

Word count: 6.4 k

a/n: You been asking for smut, I know, I know, I just wanted to introduce you to all the boys first, and we're getting there, just one more ahead. Also, I'm working on a masterlist because we are getting too many parts already.

All body types and skin tones friendly. You can also enjoy it as a no Hispanic reader. Constructive feedback and misspellings correction is always welcome.

Red and blue lights flash the driving mirror.

—No, no, no, por favor que no sea a mi—You beg to the sky looking at the patrol that is asking you to park, or someone else, there's a lot of cars in this part of the city, there's a big chance is the panic who's controlling your senses.—Dios, mi abuela fue a la iglesia cada domingo de su vida y nunca te pidió nada, please let me have some of her divina recompensa.—But that's not how it works, you end up parking with just a few seconds to think what to say. There's a perfect explication of why you are driving a car that is not yours in the middle of the night and smelling like a minibar.

Then this ridiculous thought comes to your mind, you look expensive, you've never seen the daughter of a senator but you must be close to it, it would make you less of a feminist if you just use your attributes? Ugh, you feel sick just to think about it but don't have enough money to pay a fine, and the constant paranoia of being chased all the time as an immigrant will only get stronger.

You pull down your dress a little so your neckline can do its job but you regret it immediately, and you're pretty sure you look more like an expensive prostitute who stole the car of his lover than some influential men's daughter.

—License and registration.—You hear him say when he approaches your window. You don't like this but you have to play the dumb tourist, the pretty foreign girl that is too stupid to be dangerous, with the look you have tonight it shouldn't be hard. But damn you hate cops, any uniformed man that works for the government is your eternal enemy, and you don't know how long you could keep the nice dumb Latina game before spit on his face.

—There's something wrong, officer? ...You?!—Your sexy and fake high voice is ruined when you see the face of the man who stopped you. This night couldn't get worse.

—Wait, what happened with the party?—Evan interrupts you while you finish some notes for work, little remainders for later when you don't have an eleven years old kid running around you, he's not usually this energic and you have to blame yourself for that, you're describing a life of excess and eccentric fun, something you let behind so many years ago that your own son doesn't know even a bit of it.

—Ugh, a nightmare doesn't worth telling.—You remember vaguely most of it but what keeps fresh in your mind is bad enough to don't want to bring it back.

—But if Timothée is my dad I have to know the important things, including the bad stuff.—Sounds perfectly reasonable and that's what makes you groan at him. Sometimes you feel blessed that your kid is better than you in any possible way, and sometimes you want to kill his brain with video games and reality shows like the rest of the parents.

—Ok, cool, but I'll keep all the +18 content for myself, so this part of the story might be blurry for you.—It kinda is for you anyway.

You should’ve known this night was cursed, you had a feeling because a) your earring fell off at the same time Timothée texted you to give you the party address and say he can't pick you up. And b) he won’t pick you up. Your mother would say that’s reason enough to not go, a real gentleman wouldn’t make you go to an unknown place in the middle of the night on your own in a city like this. But you decide to ignore it because you are a modern woman and because it’s worth it. It better be.

The outfit must be something special. You always take your time to choose what to wear, even if just another regular day, and since this isn't the case you thought about it for hours, that made your mind busy enough to not thinking about Tom and the whole love confession. He texted you saying he'll come for you to go to class together on Monday, which is completely impractical because he's way closer than you but is progress and you're going to take it.

You wanted to ask for Sheep's opinion but you thought she might not care, has been a few days since she started acting strange like she's bothered just to see you breathe. You want to blame his boyfriend to take all her time and attention from you but is probably just her new job, she got a small role in a Netflix show, and even when you're so happy for her, that's the event that has changed her into someone completely different. But you give her time, stress can do bad things to people.

The winner is the exact copy you made of the black and white striped dress Cameron Diaz wore in "The Mask" beautiful, classy, and sexy enough without being too scandalous, not that you have any problem with that, but this isn't the occasion, you don't want to feel like you're being too much or too little, just enough, it's supposed to be easy, right? you were born for this. Just adding some big shiny earrings you got on a thrift shop that look like real diamonds and you're ready, not that you own any to compare. Red lipstick, dark eyes, and a messy bun to get that disinterested pitch every look needs.

Getting there wasn't a problem, you were in the rich part of the city, everyone know who, where and what just to brag about it. The excitement is growing with every second, you check your makeup like thirty times in the elevator and send texts to your mom just to let her know where you are, and because you have to share that moment with someone and you are limited of friends these days.

Timothée opens the door with red eyes, drunk, high, or somewhere in between, you know then you were right about the bad feeling. He jumps on you to kiss you and no matter how much you try to explain the delicacy of your lipstick, he does it anyway, leaving a taste of alcohol and shrimps in your mouth. Taking you by the waist he walks you to a group of people you don't know while you're trying harder to fix the red color of your mouth without a mirror.

—Here is the companion I bought, look at her, that's how five grand per hour look like.—They laughed but you were too disoriented to process all the things he said, it was supposed to be a joke? if it is, why isn't he correcting? Instead, his hand goes straight to your ass and presses it to get you closer to him.

—I'm actually an intern in the costume designer department of the new version of "Sense and Sensibility".—You wanted to mention your recent promotion to hairstylist and makeup artist but that might be too pretentious. Anyway, they don't seem to care what you are or not, in fact, they don't even see you, all eyes are on Timothée

—Oh, well, is easy to forget when you're paying them—All laughs again. Who is this person? Who are all these people, actually? You recognize some influencers, a few cast members but there's no sign of the director, other main actors, not even his co-star. You feel like an extra in a movie where someone will be killed in a luxury party, hopefully not you. You take his hand from your body and clear your throat.—I'm just joking my love, she looks stunning, isn't she? I’ll get you a drink.

He leaves and the group of people surrounding you suddenly dissipated like boiling water, you were on your own again and despite some judgmental gazes is like you’re not there, you’re sure you could just take your dress off and throw it to someone’s face and unless Tim says something about it, no one would care. You’re there as his companion, an ornament, and that’s not enough to earn their attention because it’s too obvious you’re the one in turn.

You walk to the only window no one is smoking and check your phone, you know, the thing you do when you pretend you have important issues to attend, but no, you end reading some old messages, pictures, texting your mom of how much fun you’re having at the party, and somehow you check your filed Facebook messages to find Logan’s name. You cover the screen so fast you hurt your nail, his name is enough to make you tremble like a Chihuahua, you haven’t talked to him since that night, you know from his sister he lives in the house he bought for you two and he’s having the happiest life without you. You want to believe that because that means you took the right decision but deep inside… no, you can’t be that person, you want him to be happier than ever.

You find the guts to open the message, and you read as slowly as is humanly possible. “My angel, I hope this finds you in perfect health…” Dios, just Logan could start a message like that, your smile is almost too big to fit in your face so you bit your nail to cover it a little. “I recently found one of the human body drawings you made for me to study, you’ll be happy to know…”

—That’s a fucking long-ass message.—Tim appears behind you and takes your phone from your hand, spilling some of his drink on your dress in the process. Apparently, he's been there long enough to read part of the message.

—Give it back.—You command in the most severe voice you have, your magical moment got ruined and you remember the hole of hell you are.

—"My angel, I hope this finds you in perfect health. I recently found one of the human body drawings you made for me to study, you must know I still use them now and then"—Timothée starts reading the message, and even when no one is close enough to hear it and you don’t really care about this people’s opinion, that’s not for anyone to read, that’s one of the few parts of your life you treasure the most and you’re not ready to get over it.—You little slut, are you cheating on me with a med student?

—Give it to me.—You repeat trying to take the phone from his hand but he’s faster and walks away putting it out of your reach.

—"I meticulously preserve them, I certainly know any piece of art made by you will be priceless in the near future"—You don’t want to hear it coming from his drunk mocking voice, so you try to ignore what he’s saying and put more effort on chasing the phone.—Should I had kept the jeans where you left the wet spot on? I didn’t know you were an artist, my love.

—Timothée, por el amor de Dios.—Now you're trying to climb him, it wouldn't be that hard to take him down, he's skinny and you're fierce. That's what you thought but he's not moving even with you are on top of his shoulder and his opposite long arm keeps the phone away from you.

—Who is this guy and why is he talking to my girl like this?—You see the olive eyes getting darker and the tone of his voice went deeper than you thought he could do. You desist from taking the phone, you know the bullies love the attention, maybe that's exactly what he wants and give it to him just makes it worse.

—I'm not your girl.—You claim fixing up your dress having enough of games, and you have no reason to keep worrying about losing your job, the filming is done, and apparently your relationship with him too. You don't care about any of that anymore, just want to read Logan's text.

Even behind all the alcohol and the eyes injected in blood thanks for who knows what kind of drug, you can see the disappointment and anger, but it's not a broken heart, Is the hissy fit of a child that loses his balloon and now everyone will pay for it, especially you.

—Are you sure about that?—You can see him swallow hard, almost looking vulnerable, but his voice is defiant and threatening to prove you wrong. He just has to stretch out his arm to reach the open window with your phone in hand, his intentions are clear and the only thing you can do is raise your hands as a reflex.—You were mine the moment you put a foot on my trailer, and I don't fucking share my stuff.—Before you can say a word he drops the phone from the fourth floor.

You know is senseless but you find yourself running out of the party and going to search the device, using it also as an excuse to get away from that place. This is the first time someone makes you feel meaningless, you know the famous' world is cold and lacking in empathy but this is ridiculous, they're a bunch of parasites fed by attention and power. By Timothée.

The screen is crashed and the rest of it is probably beyond repair, not that you're surprised, its life is longer than you've been in the country and you admit you should have replaced it much earlier but you're not the kind to throw away things that still work. However, is not the phone you are worried about, not as much as what it contains.

—That was obsolete anyway, I'll get you a better one.—You didn't know he was following you, his voice interrupts your self-wailing. He sounds calmer and a little embarrassed, but not enough to say sorry, you don't think he's capable of saying it.

You shake your head and start to walk away without a word, you don't want anything from him, not materially, at least.

—Don't make a scandal out of it, it's just a phone!—He yells erasing any trace of regret in his voice. He doesn't see the reaction he expected and that's when he runs after you and with a hand on your upper arm pulls you back, you gasped for the sudden bluntness.—That annoying habit you have of leaving when I'm talking to you.

You push him away with all the strength you have, which resulted in him almost falling on the ground.

—I don't care about the stupid phone!—You finally break, but sadly is not as satisfactory as you thought it would be.—You are mean, vain, arrogant and the worst part is that you enjoy being this despicable human because you have absolutely no consequences to it. Everyone around you just accepts it and I feel so sorry for you because the only possible way for you to fill the void inside is to be surrounded by that crowd of mules licking your steps—To your surprise, he has nothing to say, he's just standing there with no facial expression, whatever he feels is easily covered by his years of experience acting, even drunk.—I can't give you that and it's obvious they don't want me either. What am I even doing here?—You ask yourself thinking where would be the best way of getting a cab, is a rich zone, must be easy.

—Everything is better when you're around—His voice is thin and fragile, you have to process what he said three times in your head to understand his words. You're not willing to look at him yet.—You're not like the others.

—Pure bullshit. You love to repeat that misogynist discourse of girls being in a certain way because is easier than be responsible for the people you choose to be—You were hugging yourself the whole time, is a cold night, but not enough to be bothersome, you enjoy Fall weather—You got me for a moment, I give you that, you fooled me but I'm too tired of guessing what version of you is real—When you return your gaze at him, he doesn't try to hide the guilt anymore, but there's still haughtiness in there.—Now, if you don't mind Mr. Chalamet, I need to get a cab.

—No, you came with me, you leave with me.—There's no trace of alcohol in his voice anymore, a good scolding is enough to put you sober, you know that thanks to your mom. Oh god, you're becoming her.

—You didn't bring me here, gigantic head—You look at him and put your hand in front of him with the palm up. He stares at it for several seconds before put his own on it—Not that!—You shake it and start looking inside his jeans pockets until you feel the metal of his key car.—You can't drive and I have to get home. You'll find it in the studio tomorrow.

That's how you ended with a car way more luxurious than you expected, driving so slowly and carefully that the police stopped you. What a night, but at this point, you couldn't care less about anything that is not that message, is been months and you can't get over it, over him. Not even Ben moans, Tom's comforting arms, or fight with a movie star at 3:00 am. is enough to get him out of your mind.

—So is true, you don't wear anything that hasn't appeared in a movie, huh?—Michael B. Jordan is leaning on the car window with a mocking smile and a sparkle of satisfaction that you would love to punch but his uniform keeps you in line, where you come from police is not equal to justice, most of the times is oppression.

—You know where it's from?—That was kind of comforting, no one at the party noticed. Not that you care.

—Is The Mask, not some Adam Hitchcock's blurb.—He smiles and even when you really don't like him, it's nice to be with a familiar face, you are really tired of running away, scaping for problems that are a result of your null capacity to deal with emotions. Ugh, what a word.

—Is Alfred Hitchcock, actually.—You didn't want to sound priggish, but you correct him with no time to stop yourself, an old habit.

—You got me, smarty, you know more than movies than me. Where did you get this car?—You feel really nervous even when you got this legally, you have your documents and license on time and he's being nice enough to not want to run away in a car that you technically borrowed for yourself.

—It's not mine.—No shit, Sherlock.

—No shit, Sherlock, I was asking where did you steal it.—You wanted to laugh but there's something with the uniform that just doesn't allow you to be yourself.—Are you drunk?

—No, no, fuck, no, it's just, I don't feel comfortable with cops—He raises his eyebrows but that is his only reaction.—Listen, is my boss' car, I'm doing the favor to take it to the studio, and I'm really nervous because is fucking expensive, he's an asshole, I haven't drive un almost a year because you people only use cars if you're rich or your work and lives depend on it. I'm starving.—The last part came out of nowhere, you haven't eaten anything in almost 13 hours, maybe that's the actual reason why you are that moody.

He doesn't answer right away, takes his time to look at you, what makes you blush, he's really close, closer than he's ever been. Does he smell like green apples? Not the actual apples, the artificial smell they had given to them.

—Get out of the car.—Oh no, is he arresting you? Is he finally taking revenge for every time you make fun of his Hawaiian-type shirts? You know you have too much karma accumulated and a cop making you pay for it when you don’t believe in their sense of justice is kinda poetic, and evil.

You don’t want to discuss with someone with a taser, gun, pepper spray, or who knows what else. So you take your bag, the key car, and get off defeated.

—My turn is almost over, I’ll take you to eat something, c’mon.—He walks back to his patrol and you stay still for a few seconds still processing his words, you must look totally devastated for him to offer that. How you see it you have two options, go with him and spend an awkward hour with a person you don’t like or risk getting a fine, Tim can pay it, it’s not a big deal but you don’t want to owe him even the minimal thing.

You get in the car holding on to your bag to feel calmer, this is the first time you’re fully alone with him since you found him half-naked in your kitchen. Those defined abs may never leave your brain.

—Are you cold?—He interrupts your thoughts with his question, you didn’t notice you were shaking. He looks for something under his seat and gives you an NYPD hoodie, you hold it doubting your next move, is not like you don’t appreciate the gesture but it’d be easier to take if it doesn’t get that words printed—Is clean.—He says chuckling when he sees the way you’re looking at it.

—Is not that, just, you know, fuck the police, defund the NYPD, demilitarize the pigs and that stuff.—You say putting on the hoodie anyway, is a cold night and you won't help the institution wearing their propaganda.

—Yeah, I get it, but you can't change the system just from within.—You decide is not the right moment to have a political conversation so you shrug your shoulders and discreetly smell the hoodie, a mix of cologne, green apples, and cheap soap, you know is cheap because you buy the exact same, do its job.

—I'm in the mood for pizza.—You say casually, making a deal to yourself to try to be his friend, he is a small part of your life anyway.—Domino's is open at this time of the night?

—Tell me you're not consuming that shit, dear Lord, you been here for how long, two years? I can't believe your idea of a good pizza is Domino's. Stella hasn't taught you anything?—You're surprised by the level of condescension with a pizza and you mirror his smile, suddenly feeling embarrassed. Your school program includes people from all around the world so you don't have that much experience with actual new yorkers. Logan is rich, so he doesn't really count.

—What's wrong with Domino's? I don't buy much street food, is cheaper to buy things on the food market. Besides, all pizza is good.—The mention of Sheep makes you a little tense, so you don't say anything about it, is not a conversation to have with him.

—Don't blaspheme in the patrol, I just washed it—You laugh, finally, after a terrible weekend. You can see why she likes him, there is something about his voice, smile, and his eyes that feel... calm, like watching Friends after a marathon of Lord of the Rings.—There are rules to survive this city, and I'm surprised you have made it this far without a proper guide.

—Chill out Mr. Miyagi, I'm not from the jungle, and I've learned a lot by myself.—He gives you a lopsided grin as a request, and you put your fingers up ready to enlist your acquired knowledge.—Walk fast, like you're about to be stabbed, something that actually happened to me, with an umbrella—He nods and laughs being related to it.—Number two, no small talk, no one cares, even if they ask. Number three, if you look a stranger in the eye, especially a homeless person, you have essentially invited them to approach you.

—Number four, we never eat from Domino's, Papa John's, Pizza hut, or any other chain restaurant, only trucks and local places are allowed.—You roll your eyes but you get the point, is just, again, you're not much into street food, it doesn't taste like home and the only way to eat food like that is preparing it yourself.

—Fine, fuck capitalism, let's support local places—You make an obvious fake enthusiastic tone but he nods proudly.—Number five, you don't need a car to live here, not even know how to drive. I would have successfully avoided this police brutality if I had followed that rule.

—For someone who is about to eat for free, you whine too much.—He parks the car and gives you a sign to go with him. You see him go to a pizza truck and order, you realize at the moment how ridiculous you look, so before chasing him you let your hair down, take your huge earrings off, and roll up the skirt of your dress until your mid-thighs letting the hoodie cover the rest, and clean the red lipstick with a Kleenex from your bag. Now you look more like a college person and not a rich girl who just got seized.

—Here you go.—He says giving you a slice as big as your head, looks oily and spreading cheese everywhere. Perfect.

—Is it vegan?—You ask receiving the food with an obnoxious face. His kind grind turned into a dread expression and you give him your second laugh of the day.—I'm kidding.

You are about to give it a bite when you see passing next to you a huge rat with the exact same slice as yours in its mouth, running into the dark of the night happy to have obtained the food for its family. They use to scare you when you just moved out but now they're like any other pigeon in the sky.

—Rule... whatever, a rat with a slice of pizza is a symbol for good luck, congratulations.—He pets your head awkwardly, not sure if you're ok with the physical contact, which, surprisingly, you are.

—I see rats with bagels all the time.—Pizza and bagels, that's the main culinary wonders of the city, you like it, not much to object but is hard not to compare it with your home's food.

—Is easy to confuse a rough diamond with a simple rock.—You both eat in silence, enjoying the mixed sounds of the city and all the different smells, the whole situation feels like one of those lofi music videos. You remember thinking about moments like this before getting the scholarship, what would it be like to feel normal in the city of your dreams.

—How do you know that much about movies?—He asks after a few minutes when you take a break to drink something, that pizza is not easy to take.

—When I was a kid a spent much time on my own, so my dad bought me a used DVD reproducer, and at the corner of my neighborhood was this movie store where you could buy 5 pirate movies for one dollar. They were blurred, with a terrible sound, and most of the time with the wrong movie inside but they helped me to not feel lonely. Eventually, the store closed but I've watched everything in it by then—He gives you a warm smile, you never told that story to anyone, not because is too intimate to share, but because no one asked, it doesn't sound like a question with a complex answer.—Anyway, I watched Marie Antoinette when I was like eight, and I decided at that moment that however is done I wanted to be part of that magic.

—You hear all kind of people chasing dreams in this city but is hard to find someone who actually deserves it.—You blush and you cover it with your hair but the smile on your voice is impossible to hide.

—Is that a compliment? You must really want me to like you to date Sheep.—You laugh but you can see his face tense, so you can guess your friend has been busy breaking everyone’s hearts.

—She hasn’t returned my calls in three days so I don’t think there’s much you can do—You nod, all this time you thought he was the reason she is ignoring you but apparently you are both in the same boat.—But yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking, what I should have said is, Marie Antoinette at eight? I can see where all the damage started.

You gasp and throw your napkin at his head, he easily catches it without even looking at it and laughs; that was unexpectedly attractive.

—Why a cop?—You ask, not sure where that question came from, maybe you authentically want to know more about him, he just bought you food, and honestly, that's the easiest way to win your trust.

—I wanted to be an actor when I was a child. This is the city of opportunities so you may think that if you want to chase the big wonder, this is the perfect place to do it. But I grow up surrounded by these people giving their entire lives to get something just given to one in a million so I decided is not worth it. For many years I wondered what I wanted to do with my life and the answer was really clear, my dad was a cop, a good one, or that’s what people say. I don’t remember much because he died when I was seven—Conversations about death are not your strength, everything can turn out uncomfortable if you choose the wrong words.—It might not be that glamorous but if my father died for it, it surely worth it.

—For the good ones.—You raise your almost empty can of Coke and he does the same with a grin that warms the cold weather of the night.

—For the good ones.

The next two hours passed like minutes talking about anything and everything. It just felt right to talk freely with him, you didn’t feel judged for your awkward family moments or your random thoughts, not even once because he told you his too. At some point of the night he borrowed you his gym sweatpants, any of you could just suggest going home but that was off the table, end that peace just for weather reasons would have been a tragedy.

—I read Timothée Chalamet is a dick. Is that true?—The mention of his name remains you of your life and everything that comes with it, including the middle semester project that you must dedicate your entire day, one that is about to start.—What, you can’t talk about it?

—He is a complete dick with no sense of privacy or human decency—And when he interrupts a deep kiss to look at your eyes, smile, and caress your chin, you feel like a character of his Victorian movies. But he didn’t ask that.—But the next week he’ll be no longer my problem.

—That’s why we have rule twenty-three, don’t ask for a picture of a celebrity unless they are local—You have heard about it before but you haven’t got the opportunity to decide if you like that rule because the only celebrities you have seen are from work and that club’s party opening.—That means you’ll be free to go to the Stephen Kings’ movie projection there will be for Halloween.

You don’t know if that was a proposition, a suggestion, or just a simple recommendation, and whatever it is, you noticed he was nervous to ask. Is it wrong? It feels wrong like you were betraying your friend accepting to hang out with his boyfriend without her consent. But he didn’t ask you to go with him so is safe to answer.

—Yeah, I guess—You get a moment, four seconds top, where you shared innocent, curious, and tenting gazes like three graders in the playground. And that’s the further you will allow yourself to go.—We better leave, if the sunlight touch me I’ll turn into dust.

You get off the car hood and go to the side door, but this time he opens it for you. You give him a “seriously?” Look, receiving a little push in your arm as a response.

↬☀︎︎

A distant voice asks you to wake up, softly whispers that turn into caresses on your cheek, your eyes feel so heavy, even when you are well aware of your environment your eyelids keep closed.

—Good morning, Princess—This is the first time Tom calls you that way, the change from silly nicknames to Princess is enough to get you out of hibernation. He is squatting beside your bed, his smile is the promise of a better day, and chasing that idea you give him one small back.—Your mom has been texting me desperately all day, she said you're not answering her calls and is worried.

—Fuck, my phone broke last night, can I call her from yours?—That’s an oversimplification but in the search for a better story, that's what you decide to believe and tell. Tom nods and gives it to you, he looks happy, beyond that, this is the first time you see that subtle blush on his cheeks and the eyes sparkling. You sit on the bed next to his body looking for your mom's number, slowly he moves between your legs, you have shorts and an oversized Back To The Future t-shirt, you got took the time to prepare yourself to bed last night and keep Michael’s clothes inside your closet to wash them, like The Tell-Tale Heart, a little innocent secret who feels dirty somehow

The conversations with your mom are always long, nostalgic and the tears are hard to hold for both parts; after a long life sharing almost every day with her, her absence never feels smaller. But this time is different, Tom is exploring the bare skin under your knee with his warm hands, asking for permission with curious eyes, and when you don’t object to the touch the British boy keeps his exploring mission cautiously, giving special attention to see your eyes in case something change. Is time to hang up when he gives a long and loving kiss to your knee, the less erotic kiss you could think of but so intimate to bristle your skin.

—Not nice to touch someone's daughter when is talking to her mom.—The protest of your voice loses strength at every word, he heard that and just straight his back to reach your face, the gap is almost extinct.

—We're okay, she likes me.—He assures holding your hips and pulling you a bit to him. Tom looks very comfortable with the new closeness authorization, you like it but are not very sure about it yet, most of you still think of him as your best friend.

—Did she tell you that? Are you talking with my mom behind my back?—You laugh when he does, almost like nothing changed.

—She adores me, I swear, I'm invited to Christmas, you know?—You're not surprised, she invites everyone, Logan was too but the first time he got family plans and didn't make it to the second.

—You should go, maybe we can do...—His lips touch yours in a peak at the middle phrase and makes you forget what you were about to say.—Man, the audacity to interrupt...—Then he kisses you again, deeply, using his tongue to taste your inner lip and his hands holding your shirt in fists. That's a twist of events.

—Is that ok?—You hear a weak whisper coming out of his voice but you got so mesmerized on his lips that decided to ignore it and kiss him back instead. He responds to your touch and starts to lean over you to make you lay on the bed.

Jesucristo bendito, is this happening? like, actually happening? you must look like trash, you barely took all the makeup from the night before and didn't take a shower, you start to get so worried about smells, feelings, and what that'll mean to your already too much-spoiled friendship.

However, the time of doubts is done when Sheep starts yelling in the living room, you both reacted running to the sound and looking for your blonde friend. Michael is there but doesn't look like the same as a few hours ago, is annoyed and tired for the lack of sleep, a look that doesn't match him at all.—What did you do?—You ask him fast assuming she's mad for something he did.

—Just in time, the star of the movie, I was wondering how much it will take you to be the protagonist of this.—That is Sheep's voice talking about you and what must be your heart breaking from her words.

—Excuse me?—You wish your tone would be less savage but you can't help respond the same way she did.

—Logan wasn't enough, then you got the drummer, fucking Timothée Chalamet, Tom and now my boyfriend. I'm so glad I didn't leave you alone with my dad or I'd be calling you mom now.—You have no words to that, Michael doesn't even dare to look at you, he must have told her something she misunderstood, but Sheep, or well, Stella is saying things she actually thinks and keep to herself. Tom walks in front of you whispering things to her to calm her down but she is not looking at him, you didn't tell her anything about Tom either so he's taking responsibility this time.—Go ahead and fuck the whole city, Michael if that please you but you're crossing the line with Tom and you know that, you're going to ruin him as you ruin every man that enters in your life.—She has a very you moment having the last word of the dispute and getting out of the apartment with Michael going after her but not putting much effort in it.

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