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eveledoze · 28 days

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spoilers for ep7 ! things about N and Uzi i wanted to point out 1/? I may sound stupid and naive going into all these details, so I'm sorry

we all thought that he was looking at Uzi worriedly, but in reality he was shocked because the elevator was broken and because now the path to V was blocked. he's really worried and angry about it (and it's so unusual to see him like that)

Tessa tells him to look back and at first he looks angry, but then his face softens. for a moment he simply forgot what state Uzi was in cuz he was worried about V (we know that now this Tessa is not exactly Tessa, but I will call her that cuz it’s convenient for me and so as not to get confused)

Uzi realizes that she has poor control over her powers and bitterly admits that she cannot do anything. she sincerely apologizes and you can hear that she feels guilty from her helplessness + exhausted from pain this short moment honestly killed me- their voice intonations, words and music, it hits so hard (thank you AJ Dispirito! /mega pos) also i find it strange that at first there was no blood, then it appeared cuz of something (even though she doesn’t even have a crack in her visor like Doll) and then the blood disappeared

but well okay-

he sincerely apologizes, feeling guilty for his inattention to her well-being, and he comes to comfort her, his body language shows this but Tessa interrupts them

Tessa calls him to explain to Uzi what's going on (lmao his face)

he rubs his hands together, which indicates his nervousness, as he realizes that his words will make her more worried and terrified of what they might find out and see, so this will make the situation worse

you can hear from the tone of Uzi's voice that she is beginning to suspect that they know more than she does, and for some reason they are not telling her this. she seems annoyed at the withholding of information, causing her to lose trust in Tessa and N

he looks at Tessa as if doubting whether he can be frank in his words, since in essence Tessa is still his boss and he should not contradict her (why does the reflection of his eyes in her spacesuit look funny to me lol)

he says this in a determined voice, while frowning. the words “we're not gonna hurt you” are addressed to Uzi while N’s gaze and gestures are interpreted as “WE'RE not gonna hurt HER” (while pointing his hand at Uzi) and this is addressing to Tessa. he clearly expresses his position and does not intend to obey Tessa in this in fact (he is rebelling)

with this "Okay?" he tries to reassure Uzi that they really won't hurt her honestly, the tone of voice with which he said it reminded me a lot of the way he said "we'll ask Tessa, okay?" in ep5, when he addressed Cyn. in both cases, his "Okay?" sounds sincere, kind, letting them know that he will keep his promise

she is scared and barely audibly says it, losing more trust in them while the fear grows

Uzi is nervous, she loses control and creates a null, everyone moves back, by the way Tessa takes out her sword

they repel each other. despite the falling stones, N reaches out to take her hand and pull her towards him

he takes a step forward, "we'll figure this out, together?.." but she steps back, losing trust in him

stones fall and block the passage, separating them from each other she closes herself off from him in every sense

when he woke up, he immediately called her and it sounded quite desperate and creepy cuz of the echo

N sees that his hand is crushed by stones. with a cold look, he takes out the blade and approache it to the hand, saying that he "deserved this", since he offended Uzi and believes that it would be right if he was punished for it. she experienced pain - he will experience pain, justice

#NUZI ANGST GOD DAMMIT #murder drones #murder drones ep 7 #uzi doorman #serial designation n #nuzi #biscuit bites #evele stuff #my kooky rambling

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wen-kexing-apologist · 3 months

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Symptoms of a System Error: The Manifestation of Myungha's Depression in Love for Love's Sake

Ok I will almost certainly have more thoughts about this when I go back to rewatch Love for Love’s Sake in the next couple weeks, but I’ve been thinking about the finale for the last couple of hours and I want to get some stuff out of my head. Before I get too far in to this, I want to say that I think most of the ambiguity in the show is brilliantly executed in a way that allows people to take whatever meaning they want to from it without contradicting each other, without stepping on toes, and without having to twist or bend the narrative beyond all recognition to make it make sense.

So I want to talk about the use of depression in this show, because the way Myungha exists in the world is recognizable enough to me that these moments of choice, and the system errors were extremely legible. That doesn’t mean my take is the correct one (and I honestly don’t think there is one right answer here anyway) but it’s what I got out of it, so with the needless ramble complete, let’s get to it.

Prologue

gif by @dramascene

I connected rather quickly to Myungha as a character from right near the beginning of episode 1 because of how passionate he was about the character of Yeowoon and how much he hoped for a happy ending for that character. As someone who processes a lot of my feelings, and who understands myself better through media consumption, I was quick to appreciate the fact that Myungha recognizes the parts of himself that speak to Yeowoon and to know that because Yeowoon is fictional, he has a chance not to suffer with merely a stroke of a pen. The Author could have chosen from the beginning to give Yeowoon a happy ending, and did not because he believes that there are people for whom bad things will never stop happening. But from the perspective of a fictional story, the Author should consider who he is writing the story for. Myungha connects to Yeowoon, and it sends one hell of a tragic message for how Myungha’s life will end up if even in fiction the people who suffer have no hope of happiness.

Myungha tells the Author that someone like Cha Yeowoon, someone like him [Myungha] with awful lives can still be happy. Looking back on that statement with the knowledge that Myungha kills himself, sends a very clear message, at least for me, of the hope that he was clinging to and finally lost his grip on. The Author asks if Myungha can change the outcome, and thus begins our story.

Debuffs

Now, I don’t know that I will have much more to say here than what @jemmo said in their very brilliant post, beyond the fact I agree with their interpretation of the debuffs. But I am thinking about the debuffs as it relates to mental health and to Myungha’s independence. One of Myungha’s first missions is to befriend Cha Yeowoon, and we see the difficulties associated with doing so when it comes to the Fondness Level meter and the debuffs that happen as a result. I love what Jess said about the dichotomy there: the debuffs mean that every time Myungha gets close to Yeowoon, something bad happens, Myungha uses that as a reason to stay away from Yeowoon to protect him when in fact, being around Myungha and increasing his fondness for him is the only way to really keep Yeowoon safe.

gif by @dramascene

And here again there is something recognizable to me in this dichotomy. Myungha likes Yeowoon, Myungha wants to be friends with Yeowoon, every time something bad might happen to Yeowoon, Myungha is there to intervene. But Myungha is convinced that the potentially negative events that might occur during a debuff are because of him, and so he avoids Yeowoon as much as he possibly can. To me this makes the debuffs a stand in for depression symptoms. Myungha has convinced himself that he is the cause of the bad moments in Yeowoon’s day. Myungha has convinced himself that Yeowoon would be better off if they weren’t friends, because he only makes things worse. And that is not something he can easily shake off, it’s not something he can logic his way out of, that’s the game, that’s just how it is. And so he withdraws until Yeowoon comes to him.

And honestly thinking about it, nothing bad really happens during those debuffs. The light doesn’t shatter, the boys back off on the bus, Yeowoon doesn’t punch Sangwon. Maybe the reason why nothing at all happens is because Myungha intervenes. Maybe if Myungha hadn’t been there, the light would have broken, maybe if Myungha hadn’t been there Yeowoon would have punched Sangwon. But that is not a lens that Myungha is capable of viewing himself through, that is never an option that crosses Myungha’s mind because he is too focused on feeling like the cause of Yeowoon’s problems.

System Errors

I know there is a lot of confusion or at least uncertainty around the system errors. Why are they happening? Where are they coming from? For me, I think the answer is Myungha himself. The first time we get a system error, it’s in Episode 6, what I think is the day after Yeowoon and Myungha have their first kiss and very soon after Yeowoon and Myungha kiss on the rooftop at school. The first error isn’t subtle, but it’s not explicitly stated. Myungha walks in to a room to take a phone call and walks in to the middle of band practice, falling through the world as he tries to remove himself from the situation until he (literally) runs in to Yeowoon. Myungha goes home that night and gets his first moments in the black abyss, and the first explicit mention via pop-up of a system error. I have not gone through (yet) to track every instance of what happens before a system error pop-up occurs from that point on, but I will say moment that was most legible for me in terms of indicating that these system errors were stemming from Myungha himself were when he gets the notification both times that Yeowoon looks directly at him and tells Myungha “I love you.”

gif by @dragonsareawesome123

That moment was a guy punch for me because I was not able to see it any other way except that Myungha is so incapable of believing that people could actually love him that someone telling him directly and sincerely that they love him cannot exist in his world. He literally cannot compute it, and thus an error occurs. Again from the perspective of depression, or trauma, or what have you, this is familiar to me. It is perhaps the most reflective part of Myungha to my own psyche. Neither of us know how to be loved.

Myungha is called out on this repeatedly, he is nice to everyone, he does so much for everyone and refuses to ask for help himself. I’m the same way, I will bend over backwards as much as I can to help the people that I care about, but it is a rare occasion where I can ask for help myself. I’m not sure if this is the case for Myungha, but for me at least a lot of that stems from needing to make myself useful to people in some way so they keep me around. And so I end up feeling like a commodity to the people that I care about and help, and merely tolerated by anyone else that I do not help but that interacts with me any way. Myungha is called out consistently by multiple people, real or NPC about this similar habit. Myungha does not want to be a burden, Myungha only cares about other people’s happiness, Myungha is not happy himself and has maybe never been happy and so he pours everything he can in to lightening the load for others.

He loves Yeowoon, but to be loved by Yeowoon is different. To experience any moments of joy cannot possibly be real. Maybe I am projecting too much on to the character, but it makes complete and total sense to me that Myungha’s worldview would break down upon having someone state wholeheartedly that they want to be a support system for him.

Cruel Choices

gif by @dramascene

With the enmeshment of depression and video game mechanics in mind, I want to talk about the scene at the end of Episode 6. I love this scene so much for a number of reasons:

It turns the game on a head for me as we slip further and further in to a nightmare scenario

It raises the stakes and attempts to get Myungha to make a hard choice

It forces Myungha to think about what is important to him

It’s ultimate purpose and who is posting the mission is ambiguous/uncertain

I’m going to focus on number four. I think it is a perfectly valid read to see this and all video game mechanics as designed by The Author in an effort to help Myungha change Yeowoon’s story in which case this mission feels particularly vindictive and cruel. @lurkingshan posed the question in a conversation we were having about Love for Love’s Sake, where she wondered why the game could not hold two sources of love for Myungha at once. I love that question because it made me realize how differently this show can be read and how important who you choose to read as the entity in control of this game is for what this scene specifically means and I love so many interpretations of it, I love the interpretation that is was simply cruel, I love the interpretation that in retrospect this was the Author being angry at Myungha for dying, I love the reflection from @jemmo that said this felt like a choice between staying rooted in the past (sparing grandma) or choosing a future (sparing Yeowoon)

For me, I think I am leaning heavily in to the pop ups are under Myungha’s subconscious control, his mind, the missions he thinks are important, the problems he thinks he is causing are what is driving the base game. Because of this my base instinct is to lean in to the depression/anxiety/trauma tent where things have been going a little too well for him lately and he has convinced himself that he is due for something bad to happen. I am happy to once again acknowledge that this probably projection, but I know that my own mental illness(es) does not let my peace linger for long. Myungha is spending so much time with Yeowoon, Yeowoon who grounds him when his world is literally falling apart. Yeowoon who cannot contain his smile whenever he is around Myungha, Yeowoon who is downright desperate to bestow love and support upon Myungha, Yeowoon who has accompanied Myungha to the hospital late at night to be there for his boyfriend in a stressful time, and Myungha can’t have that. He loves his grandmother, he loves Yeowoon, they both love him and so obviously means that something bad is going to happen to them.

gif by @25shadesoffebruary

[As an aside I am thinking about what the Author said in the final episode about wanting Myungha to be able to see himself from the outside, and how I took that to mean Yeowoon is supposed to be a reflection of Myungha and a journey to self love, and how Yeowoon told Myungha that something bad always happens to the people around him in relation to this hospital scene]

Secondarily, I do think being confronted with this choice at all allows Myungha to have a moment of reflection, and is clarifying for him to know that both Yeowoon and his grandmother are important people in his life that he doesn’t want to lose. That’s fucking huge, in my opinion at least. And for all this mission was cruel, it was the first time Myungha refused to complete the mission. He was asked to save one, he decided to save both, and the game could have been cruel and taken his grandmother and Yeowoon away for refusing to choose, but it didn’t. They both got to live, and sure Myungha’s mission to make Yeowoon happy was shortened significantly, but I do think fifteen days was enough time to be successful in his mission if the depression and the grief had not gotten to Myungha instead.

Grief

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

Something about grief that my therapist told me once was grieving people love helping others. And I think that is the case of Myungha here just based on the way he throws himself in to helping as many people as he can, especially Yeowoon. He knows Yeowoon is grieving, he knows Yeowoon is struggling, and he can distract himself from his own shit by helping Yeowoon instead. But once Myungha is confronted with the possibility that either one of the people that he loves could die, the penality for failing in his mission to make Yeowoon happy looms over his head like a knife. Just like Myungha considered himself the problem with the debuff, he knows how high of a likelihood it is that Yeowoon would regress, would isolate, would sink into a massive low.

And it would be Myung’s fault (in his mind).

Especially because Yeowoon keeps saying that even thinking about going on dates with Myungha is making him happy but Myungha’s mission isn’t complete. Myungha has started to get low, he is not as engaged in his relationship with Yeowoon, he’s convinced himself he is going to fail, and is thus setting himself up for failure because he decides 15 days is not enough time to find happiness, but it is enough time to break somebody’s heart in preparation for a devastating loss. And maybe, maybe Myungha would have snapped out of it with enough time to spare initially, but any hope of that being the case was shattered the second Yeowoon admitted that he wasn’t happy because Myungha wasn’t relying on him.

Myungha is so used to be self-reliant there is no way for him to break out of that habit in just two weeks. Myungha knew his death would hurt Yeowoon, but the final nail in the coffin for him was learning that his life was hurting Yeowoon too. And he almost got there, he almost did it, he admitted that he didn’t know how to, but he withdrew at the last second. He has spent all this time, all this energy, all this focus in to changing Yeowoon, he does not have the space to do that for himself.

The Choice

gif by @supanuts

The last moment I will really speak to as it relates to my interpretation of this game being controlled by Myungha as a manifestation of his depression is the author’s pen. Considering the fact The Author asked Myungha if he wanted to try again, I do not think if the Author was controlling this game world that he would have had Myungha disappear from it. Because according to the Gaga subs, the change that Myungha writes is that he wants Yeowoon to be happy, and immediately upon finishing that request, Myungha starts to fade.

If we hold these game mechanics as manifestations of Myungha’s depression, which I do, it makes complete and total sense to me that Myungha would fall back in to the pattern of believing that Yeowoon would be happier if Myungha wasn’t there. Yeowoon has a modeling deal now, he has some modicum of fame, he has friends now, he has supports in place that he did not have before, so what need does Yeowoon have of him, when his inability to let people love him is what is now causing Yeowoon to feel sad.

And I think that massive server error at the end where the world is burning and the universe is melting in to the game is a result of Myungha realizing too little, too late that this isn’t what he wanted. But it can’t be undone. The line he says when he is sinking in to the water about how at the last minute before he died, he regretted it. The game, the drowning here are one in the same to me.

And for me there was just something so beautiful and hopeful from Myungha telling The Author that he wants to try again. We started the show with Myungha telling The Author miserable people can be happy, and we end the show with Myungha and Yeowoon finally getting the happy ending they never thought they would have.

gif by @junghaesin

God I loved this show.

#love for love's sake #lfls #love for love's sake meta #love for love's sake analysis #one thing about this show is that it almost certainly will lend itself well to a rewatch!#and I *love* rewatching shows #wka long post

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the-ineffable-dance · 3 months

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A Companion to Owls is my favorite of the minisodes. Possibly my favorite story in the whole show. But more than it being just good fun and visually amazing, (plus, it gives us Bildad the Shuhite, I mean, come on..)

Job's story, really, is the beginning of "our side."

Before the Job story, Aziraphale and Crowley of course know each other, but I think it's still been a bit of feeling each other out. No one has really put themselves out where they could get into trouble. There's the chat on the walls of Eden, and then again at the Flood. In both of those, Crowley does a little pushing of Aziraphale's boundaries, but Aziraphale, regardless of his internal struggle, outwardly toes the party line... Heaven's plans, no matter how they might look, are in fact ineffable.

In Job, we see for the first time that they are beginning to really see each other. Aziraphale knows that Crowley doesn't want to kill off Job's goats or his children.

Though, of course, he's got to be a little smug about it.

And even when Crowley puts that to the test when he's setting the house on fire, Aziraphale remains confident in Crowley's innate goodness. And is again proven right when Crowley miracles them all into the cellar.

Crowley, for his part, knows that Aziraphale is starting to question the ineffable plan. God and Satan making bets, letting Job be tormented by demons, killing children... he sees the questions that Aziraphale is starting to have, and eases the path for him by being receptive to those questions.

Here we also have the start of Aziraphale's hedonism and love of human things. He's not quite ready to take the step of drinking alcohol, but he does accept Crowley's temptation to eating... and realizes that he's starving. It's his first bite in his entire existence, and he eats an entire ox! It's a small step from there to other things that we see him loving in the present... wine, music, books, clothes (I'm looking at you, 1793), all the things the other angels look down on him for, and Crowley probably introduced him to.

In 1941, they have the exchange, "You told me to trust you." "And you did." But I think that we have that here, too... for the very first time. When Sitis and Job are told that their children are dead, Aziraphale and Crowley put on quite the show with their cobbler/midwife and angel straight man performance. It's actually quite impressive... every time one of them leans on the other to keep up the charade, the other obliges...

It's important to remember just how dangerous this dance is for both of them. First of all, Crowley could not be in a worse place. Not only is there a host of angels here, Gabriel the Supreme Archangel is in the lead. To find a demon here, interfering in the ineffable plan, would certainly end in a smiting. His cleverness and the trust of Aziraphale are the only things that keep him one step ahead.

Secondly, Aziraphale himself is in great danger. Not only has he been collaborating with a demon, tempted into eating, and so on, but he is lying to Gabriel's face. We've seen him lie before. Most memorably to God when she asked where his sword went. But those were little white lies, with few ramifications. "These are his new children" is a direct contradiction to what the Plan is. He is for the first time, turning from the Heavenly Plan, and instead throwing in his lot with Crowley.

Which brings me to my final point...

Aziraphale is terrified of falling. But he was willing to do it to save the children. And that is something that means a lot to Crowley. When he realizes that Aziraphale thinks he's already fallen, he does tease him a little bit, but more importantly, he is soft and kind, talking him through this huge change in worldview.

The most touching moment is when Crowley admits that this path he is walking and Aziraphale now finds himself on is lonely. Crowley has been feeling it since the Garden... but now, it will be less lonely. Aziraphale doesn't have to face it alone, because Crowley will be there, too. Now, they have "us."

#good omens #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #crowley #good omens 2 #bildad the shuhite #good omens meta #anthony j crowley #aziraphale loves crowley #crowley loves aziraphale

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sebbyisland · 10 months

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A One-of-a-Kind Affection: Skip to Loafer 53

This chapter revealed a LOT about Shima’s character so let’s break it down because oh my god. OH my god.

As was implied in the last page of the previous chapter, Shima is seriously put off guard by his conversation with Fumi. He can’t get over her comment: “Mitsumi-chan isn’t good at anything besides studying, is she?” She directly contradicts how Shima views Mitsumi, and thus prompts him to reevaluate his feelings.

To him, Mitsumi “has this image of always being right.” Keep in mind, Shima has already seen Mitsumi at her worst— from the very beginning, when she got lost in Tokyo! Shima has been there when Mitsumi failed, struggled, or was embarrassed with herself, and each time he only saw the girl who could pick herself up and run towards her goals, loafers in hand. He not only watched these things happen, but tried to give her a helping hand when she needed it, whether it was to encourage her, or help smooth out an awkward social situation. When Shima says Mitsumi “has this image of always being right” he doesn’t mean she is literally always right, but something with much more depth. Shima thinks Mitsumi, as a person, is fundamentally always right and good. Even when she fails. Even when she struggles. These are all things that make up Mitsumi, and therefore are always good (this guy. i can't).

The thing is, Shima himself is not even aware of just how highly he thinks of Mitsumi. He can acknowledge Mitsumi’s strengths and weaknesses, but unlike, say, Fumi, her closest and longest friend, he can't conceptualize objectively seeing Mitsumi's traits as anything other than positive. He likes her personality to the point it borders on putting her on a pedestal. This discrepancy between his opinion on Mitsumi and another close friend of Mitsumi causes him to question who IS Mitsumi, if not what he's been thinking this whole time?

To verify, he asks his friend Mukai, who basically repeats Fumi's words. Now Shima knows this is not a question of who is Mitsumi as a person, but who is Mitsumi to Shima?

(Shouout to Mukai for really helping Shima reach this critical break-through!)

When Mukai brings up the possibility of romance, Shima leaps to reject it because he is uncomfortable with romantic attraction itself.

Besides Mitsumi, romantic attraction always came from people who didn’t really know him and/or didn’t really care to know him. This had the opposite affect, and made Shima feel lonely and unloved. Unlike the most of the people Shima has dated, he actually really likes Mitsumi-chan as a person. There's an emphasis on liking her as a person because these are things he sees as absent or optional in romantic attraction. To describe his feelings for Mitsumi as romance discredits Mitsumi and what she means to him, which is why he asks with a frustrated expression, "Why does it always come back to romance?" Why does "liking someone a lot" have to be romantic?

Mukai hears this and recognizes that Shima seems to see “liking someone as a person” and “liking someone romantically” as separate things, so he tries to compare notes as to how he views romance vs how Shima views romance. On a scale of liking someone "a lot" to "not really" Shima places romance at the very bottom! Romance doesn't mean shit in comparison to friendship, or whatever it is he feels for Mitsumi. This makes sense because, again, Shima understands romantic attraction at best as a surface-level understanding of a person, and at worst as a detriment to the relationship(see: his parents). So there's no way he can like Mitsumi romantically AND as a person.

Mukai explains to Shima that he sees "liking someone as a person is a baseline," which aligns more closely to the common social perception of relationships. You start with liking the general vibes someone has, and then you becomes friends, and then becoming lovers is like the peak of a relationship's level of intimacy and affection. What's interesting is that both boys are correct about their perception of love. Even though Shima doesn't fully agree with Mukai, talking with him provides a new perspective on romance that Shima didn't consider before. Now he can finally consider that romance can add to a realationship's existing intimacy, not detract from it.

For most of the people in the story, as well as the audience, this might seem obvious, but for Shima this is incredibly novel and important, because it means that

Liking Mitsumi romantically doesn't mean he stops liking her as a person

Romantic attraction is another form of intimacy, not a performance or surface-level interaction.

When Mukai describes Mitsumi's feelings as a "one-of-a-kind" affection, he means it in a conventionally romantic way. Shima, on the other hand, understands Mitsumi is one-of-a-kind because he's never had a relationship or feelings like he does with her. He knows Mitsumi cares about him as a person, but before his conversation with Mukai, he didn't consider how romance can be another way of showing that you care for someone.

Romance between his parents only showed how much his father didn't care about his mom. Romance with the girls from school only showed how much they didn't really care about him. But Mitsumi fell in love with Shima because she cares about him, not despite of it. This is completely foreign territory for Shima. If romantic love is also a form of intimacy, then how is that any different from regular platonic love, or best friends? What does romantic attraction even look like?

As Shima recollects all the moments with Mitsumi that are dear to him, he wonders if what he viewed as "caring for someone as a person" were also romantic. Is it romantic to save extra food for someone else to have? Is it romantic to bring someone a souvenir when they go out of town? Is it romantic to teach someone how to hold a crab? These questions don't really have clear cut answers. Only Shima is able to decide what these things mean for him.

I want to bring your attention back to this crab, though. Besides being an adorable little crustacean, Shima's interaction with the crab directly parallels his journey trying to recontextualize romance.

In this scene, the crab is symbolic for romantic attraction. Shima awkwardly holds the crab Mitsumi gives him and expresses that this is an unfamiliar situation for him, just as receiving romantic affection from Mitsumi is a new and concept for him. Mitsumi is content with being able to share the crab (her feelings) with him and getting an honest answer back. The large panel that zooms in on Mitsumi looking down at the crab in Shima's hands draws attention to how content and happy she is spending time with Shima. It further emphasizes that their relationship, romantic or platonic, is about simply enjoying each other's company.

Even though Mitsumi tells Shima how to hold a crab, he ends up agitating the crab, which then pinches him and leave. I interpret this as when Shima initially started dating Mitsumi, he ended up treating it haphazardly, which caused Mitsumi to catch-on and break up with him. Finally, when Mukai, the person Shima was recently discussing romance and Mitsumi with, asks him about the crab, Shima responds in a daze, "I don't know," mirroring how currently, Shima doesn't know how he feels about romantic attraction, or how it might apply to him.

Furthermore, through the depiction of Mitsumi in Shima’s perspective, it’s implied the reason the crab pinches him is because he was focused on Mitsumi, and not holding the crab properly. This reflects the critical miscommunication from when they were dating. Shima was so concerned with protecting his prior dynamic with Mitsumi that he didn’t consider what committing to a genuine romantic relationship would require from him. He didn’t, or rather couldn’t, commit to a relationship as much as Mitsumi did. Mitsumi knew that she didn’t deserve that kind of stress, so she asked to remain friends.

Thanks to Mukai, however, Shima can start to understand that romance is a real option for his own feelings about Mitsumi, and it won't detract from their friendship if it is the case. It's this level of self-awareness that allows Shima to get flustered by Mitsumi getting physically close to him as they look at the crab.

I would even argue that it was the panel I have pictured on the left, with Mitsumi's smile, that is the moment Shima started getting flustered, since that panel is positioned to be in Shima's eye-line point of view, and takes up the majority of its page.

What is Shima thinking in this moment? He has 0 thoughts. Brain empty. Only one-of-a-kind feelings for a girl who he thinks is always amazing<3

I wanna reiterate this is truly such a special moment for Shima because while Mitsumi has always been a special person to him, he now understands that he thinks so because of his PERSONAL feelings. In caring for Mitsumi, Shima is able to care more about his own feelings. It’s a lovely payoff to all of his progress in understanding himself as an individual. He can discuss his personal life with Mukai, a friend who he previously kept at a distance. He can l stand up for himself when he thinks he being mistreated by an old friend. And he can even defend the people he cares about when other’s are inconsiderate to them. This is all part of Shima’s growth into becoming a fully realizing individual, and I’m so glad he’s been given the space to clumsily process all of this while remaining a true friend to Mitsumi.

TL; DR:

Shima truly adores Mitsumi and has only just realized that he likes Mitsumi to a different degree than what would be expected from a friend

Shima has been nonchalant about romance thus far because he didn't think romance was really about genuine intimacy, especially based on his past experiences

The narrative presents Shima's interest in Mitsumi as romantic attraction while taking great care in showing how romance has different meanings for different people and is not always the most important or intimate aspect of a relationship

#NO BECAUSE I CAN'T FUCKING DO THIS ANYMORE #skip to loafer #skip to loafer 53 #shima sousuke #skip to loafer manga #seb out #ON PRIDE MONTH ?!?!#AROACE SHIMA RIGHTS LETS GOOOOOOOOO #ወሬ

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vivmaek · 1 year

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THE SIGNIFICANCE OF TIME LORDS

If you haven't already, check this post out first: ANNUAL PROFECTION YEARS

When looking at a Profection Chart, you’ll notice that a new planetary ruler is activated each year. These Time Lords provide themes and insights for the year ahead.

Aries - Like the 1st House, this is all about embracing new beginnings. The year will move fast, and you’ll feel more decisive about the direction you want to move towards. In years past you may have felt unmotivated and aimless, the energy of Mars will bring with it a welcomed spark of ambition. You will feel more in touch with the present moment and with your body. A boost of confidence will make you feel more attractive and this would be an excellent time to make any physical changes to your appearance. A sense of newfound anger may arise, use this as motivation.

Taurus - A year where you can slow down and relax. A sense of stability was built up within the prior year, and now you can rely upon that. Steady income is to be expected, and rather than focusing on moving up, you should focus on persevering. Save your energy and pay attention to what you have. If any relationships and connections need tending to, now is the time. You will start to establish your roots in what makes you the most comfortable. Your sense of security will be highlighted this year. Relying on a steady course of action will bring the best results.

Gemini - You will find yourself chasing after many new interests and experiences. In a way, you might feel like a child again and will have the ability to see the world with fresh eyes. You’ll do anything you can to avoid boredom, and this will throw you into interesting situations. A spike in anxiety is to be expected, your body may feel on edge. You will face a lot of duality and contradictions throughout the year. Your perspective is beginning to shift and fracture. Laughter and mischief will be a constant. Rumors and communications will take on great significance.

Cancer - Connections will deepen this year. An attachment to home and family will grow. Domestic endeavors will be of importance, time spent alone will be valued. You may feel especially moody and connected to your emotions. You will seek nourishment and seek to provide nourishment to others. Your understanding on whatever discoveries made in recent years will strengthen and go more in depth. Massive shifts will occur this year turning your focus towards the internal world. You will learn more about what trust means to you and where you can find it. Your vulnerabilities will be exposed and instincts will be heightened. Lots of tears will be shed over the course of this year.

Leo - Aspects of your identity are going to become loud during this year. You're putting focus on gaining the recognition that you deserve. You want your efforts to be appreciated and valued. Some drama and fun is to be expected. Life will begin to feel theatrical. Your sense of creativity will be heightened. Healing your inner-child will be important this year, give yourself the treatment you wished to receive as a kid. You might feel as though you are putting on performance when expressing yourself even if you are being genuine. You will break out of your shell and receive a mix of both love and hate, testing your authenticity.

Virgo - This year is all about practicality. You are putting lots of thought into establishing a routine and are taking personal development incredibly seriously; on both a physical and mental level. Focus will be put on productivity and health. You are trying to be your best self. Establishing boundaries and keeping your peace will be important. You’ll find yourself paying attention to all the little things, details are impossible not to notice. You will gather resources and develop skills in organization. Your sense of judgment will sharpen and critical thought will override your mind.

Libra - Social possibilities and opportunities will make themselves known during this year. Connections with others will be important, especially partnerships. Friends and lovers will be greatly significant. You are learning how much you should give to others, and learning how much you should take. Equality and gaining a sense of justice are important themes. You’re going to strike a balance within your life and will be able to handle conflicts with diplomatic tact. You might meet someone who will serve as a mirror, reflecting qualities that need to be changed or recognized back to you. Laws, legalities, and what it means to follow the rules will be important this year.

Scorpio - A transformative year for sure. Everything you know is starting to change. It is time to confront deep problems and issues that are informing and affecting current behaviors and actions. You are connecting to what really makes you passionate and being asked to commit to it. Separations or a severing of sorts is to be expected. You are coming face to face with your shadow side. Traumas and wounds from the past will resurface. There is a focus on sex and intimacy during this year. Pushing boundaries while also keeping some intact is important. Secrets and situations that occur behind the scenes will be of great significance.

Sagittarius - This year marks the start of an adventure. You might begin the pursuit of higher education, travel extensively, or simply begin to start thinking more broadly about the world around you. You will start to recognize how collective forces affect you and will turn away from individualized experiences. Your personal philosophy is being redefined and shaped. Your belief system is being called into question. You will feel very outgoing and exuberant, it will be hard to not chase after fun. You are being pushed towards your purpose with gusto and are developing a sense of optimism for the future.

Capricorn - This is a tough year that will require patience, endurance, and humility. You may feel as though you are being punished for past wrongdoings, and this is exactly what is happening. But, these are lessons rather than punishments. This is the time to own up to past actions and endeavors. You have the foresight to see what could possibly go wrong, and it's up to you to fix these issues rather than simply ignoring them in the hopes that it will get better. You will have to work hard in order to prove yourself. This year will feel quite heavy and restrictive.

Aquarius - A need for freedom and personal space will be of importance this year. You want to be independent and break away from what was formerly known. New ideas are emerging and you are going to explore new ways of thinking. Societal issues will take center stage and you’ll see how they affect your personal life. You will also break away from the definitions society has placed upon you and start to establish yourself independently. You might feel an urge to disconnect from what is old and no longer serving you. A need for community will be present over the course of this year.

Pisces - This will be a year full of confusion and one may feel disconnected from reality. A sense of exhaustion may take over, rest is needed. You will lack direction and instead focus on more spiritual matters. It seems as though you’ve reached the end of a long journey and now you have to make sense of what it all means. Sacrifices and inconsistency are to be expected, this may leave you on edge. The possibilities that lay ahead seem endless, and it will be hard trying to come to a conclusion or to make decisive action. You are being asked to surrender, it's time to face the unknown.

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idontwanttospoiltheparty · 26 days

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ok I need you to discuss this John is My Son thing because like I also feel that Sometimes I Felt Like His Priest is also really underdischssed!

okay here we go!!!

The quote you're referring to is from the Foreword of The Lyrics. I grabbed some more of it because it's all quite interesting to me.

This was about the same time that I met John Lennon, and it’s pretty clear now that we were a huge influence on each other. Readers might detect duelling emotions in my recollections of John; that’s because my relationship with him was very mixed. Sometimes it was filled with great love and admiration, but other times not, especially around the time The Beatles were breaking up. In the beginning, though, the relationship was a young Liverpool guy looking up to another guy a year and a half older. It was hard not to admire John’s wit and wisdom. But as I came to see him as a person and a human being, there were, of course, arguments, though never anything violent. There’s even a movie out there in which John’s character punches my character, but the truth is that he never punched me. As with many friendships, there were disputes and there were arguments, but not many. Sometimes, though, I certainly thought John was being a complete idiot. Even though I was younger, I would try to explain to him why he was being stupid and why something he’d done was so unlike him. I remember him saying things to me like, ‘You know, Paul, I worry about how people are gonna remember me when I die.’ Thoughts like that shocked me, and I’d reply, ‘Hold on; just hold it right there. People are going to think you were great, and you’ve already done enough work to demonstrate that.’ I often felt like I was his priest and would have to say, ‘My son, you’re great. Just don’t worry about that.’

It's like… there's so much going on here, you know? John is almost paradoxical to Paul: the source of one of the biggest hurts of his life and also one of his great bringers of joy; he's forever petrified as a teenager in Paul's mind and also on some level remains his fairground hero whose shadow Paul cannot escape; a traitor and yet don't you dare depict him being violent towards me; wise and simultaneously stupid.

At its root, I think many of these contradictions exist because Paul is on some level aware that a lot of the pain John dealt him was at least in part due to something John could not help (i.e. mental illness). He can't bring himself to blame John entirely, in a similar way a lot of us fans wrestle with John's behaviour that we know came from a place of great anguish. This has contributed to Paul infantilizing the memory of John; he has an instinct to look after John, and it's exacerbated by the fact that he has aged whilst his conception of John has not (you can see this in the way Paul constantly circles back to the early days of their friendship), which is in great contrast to Paul's memory of, say, Brian:

"I find that one of the interesting aspects of ageing: Brian Epstein never got beyond thirty-two, but I think of him as an older guy even though I’m already twenty years older than he ever got to be." – Many Years From Now.

But there's another element to this… A lot of people on here speculate about why Paul "can't get over John". My answer:

1) John's death was uniquely traumatic to John's loved ones in a way we tend to gloss over.

2) We are not letting Paul get over it! Paul has been asked about John in interview after interview for four decades and his image directly suffered due to the lionization of John post-1980 as well as the way he (Paul) was judged for not grieving correctly. Perhaps he's started bringing John up a lot in interviews in part because he feels he has to, lest he be deemed callous and cold again. (and perhaps he is seeking to nip the Lennon Question in the bud before the questions become, ahem, horribly insensitive) That's not to say Paul isn't weird about John – I think he is! But I think the way he's been made to both carry John's legacy and accept criticism used to build John up and bury his own unresolved anger at John and grieve over a senseless murder publicly and defend John now that his image is being torn down… it accounts for a huge chunk of this weirdness, IMO. Again, I want to reiterate: I think these are generally Paul's genuine feelings and thoughts (and I certainly don't want to imply that all of this only started post-1980... but perhaps there's a reason Paul seemed more measured throughout the '70s) but I think it's naive to act like society didn't help shape the way Paul talks about John and sees him. When you live as publicly as he does and your childhood friendship is one of the most talked about relationships in music history, you are bound to be affected by the general reception.

I also think Paul is often doing reputation damage control. It is very important to him that he and John are remembered first and foremost as friends (hence the offense he takes in the depiction of John punching him in Nowhere Boy) and it seems like, since at least Goldman, he's been trying to emphasize John's softer, more lovable traits. I think this, mixed with the infantilization mentioned above, is where you get stuff like the clip of Paul calling John a little baby or a lovely broth of a boy.

It's all so damn complicated you know? And so fascinating.

#ask #anon #my analysis #jp #meta

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far-beyond-saving · 5 months

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"'You're so different,' he says, shaking his head and squinting at me.

'I may have grown a few centimetres since I was eleven.'

'No, it's—' He stops himself.

I put down my phone. 'What? It's what?'

'You're more serious.'

I don't remember not being serious. As far as I'm concerened, I came out of the womb spouting cynicism and wishing for rain." (Oseman 73)

This is an analysis of Tori Spring and her unreliability as a narrator. It will be incredibly long, so I hope I do not bore anyone.

Lucas, as we know, had been Tori's best friend throughout elementary school. He had a dream, to chase after his childhood best friend and start a beautiful romance—which was nicely foreshadowed by the line: "'[The Great Gatsby is] about...' He pauses to think. 'It's about someone who's in love with a dream'" (72). However, he realizes that she wasn't the person he thought she was. Or rather, she isn't the person she used to be.

Alongside Lucas, there are two other characters that hint at the fact that Tori was never this pessimistic: Mr. Kent and Becky.

Near the beginning of the novel, Tori mentions how she and Kent know each other quite well because he has been her teacher for over five years. And, throughout the novel, Kent continuously shows his concern for Tori and her attitude towards life. It would make a lot of sense for him to be this concerned if he had actually seen life in Tori to begin with. Along with that, it is very clear that Tori is liked by the teachers, as stated by Becky on page 79. Again, it would make more sense for this to be the case if she was a different person when she was younger.

Finally: Becky. Throughout the novel, Tori feels incredibly jealous towards her best friend, and she feels the gap between them comes from the fact that Becky moved on while she stayed exactly where she was. However, during their argument after the Solitaire party, Becky says, "you've changed. I might have changed too, but you definitely have. And that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's true" (310). This completely contradicts everything Tori has told the reader.

The scene in which Tori reads her old diary illustrates my point perfectly.

"Up at the crack of 10:30am. Becky et moi went to the cinema today and saw Pirates of the Carribean (is that how you spell it???) 2 and OMG it was SO GOOD. Becky thinks Orlando Bloom is the fittest. Then we went to get pizza in the high street she had Hawaiian but obviously mine was plain cheese. YUM! She's coming round next week for a sleepover too. She says she needs to tell me about a boy that she likes!! And we're going to eat so much food and stay up all night and watch films!!!!!" (274)

It's very clear with the exclamation marks and enthusiasm in her tone that no, she was not born serious. Unlike now, Tori used to be genuinely happy to listen to Becky's relationships with boys. And—my favourite detail—the use of French in the second sentence. The word "moi" was almost always used by tweens as a quirky replacement for "me" (source: me. I used to use that word all of the time because I thought it was cute and silly. Gross). This is my favourite detail because of an earlier scene with Oliver when Tori says, "Are you suggesting that Charlie is better at Mario Kart than moi?" (63). Now, this could just be a coincidence, but I like to think that this is Tori's inner child being revealed to her little brother, especially because she would never speak to anyone else in that way. But, I digress.

So, I have now established how Tori has been unreliable with the way she describes herself, but what else has she been lying about? I think the most obvious answer is her hatred and lack of knowledge about literature.

Unlike everything I explained above, Tori does admit to lying near the end of the book, saying that books scare her because of how personal they feel. However, there are many things that contradicted her prior to this reveal. For example, her grades in her previous English class—as mentioned by Kent—and the way she used to read with Lucas.

After Lucas speaks about the books he is currently reading, Tori tells the reader, "I nod as if I understand. I don't. I don't know a single thing about literature despite studying it for A level" (72). Yet when Michael tests her on famous literary works, she is able to answer every question correctly, once again contradicting everything she has said.

Her unreliability is not deliberate, it comes from lies she tells herself. However, it seems like she knows the truth deep down. But I guess she is justified. After all, it feels better to say you were born serious than to admit to the damage the world has done to you.

#i hope this is worth something to someone #oh god this is quite long #nobody would want to read such an essay #i hope it does not seem like i am grasping at straws this #these are just things that i noticed #i tried to follow mla quotation rules but i know i broke them in many different places #because i am not actually writing an essay #forgive me #tori spring #solitaire alice oseman #becky allen #lucas ryan #michael holden #solitaire analysis #cynic.txt

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aeternallis · 8 months

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Kim's Place in the Mafia: Novel vs Show

The one thing I can say without a doubt in my mind is that from the crumbs we get of Kim and Chay from the book and show, these two are obsessively in love with each other. So I'll say that now and get that squared away.

And I know, most of the fandom detest the book due to its problematic authors and will never read it, and that's completely valid. Furthermore, I will say now that the book is trash and hardly coherent at times. But as my favorite English scholar for Ancient Rome, Mary Beard, once said: "It's trash...but it's very valuable trash."

For what it's worth, reading the book at least once can provide a more nuanced understanding of why the showrunners made the changes they did in the show. The changes in and of themselves makes for a more cohesive story (SOO MUCH MORE COHESIVE), but it also goes without saying that a lot of the events in the show remain faithful to the novel, so in that regard, there is some merit to be had.

Finally, when I say the novel is "trash", I mean the narrative itself, not necessarily the translation (although it's not perfect by any means). If anything, I'm grateful for the translators who took the time to translate this novel into English, since translation is a thankless job most times in fandom (lookin' at you, MDZS). As I speak no Thai whatsoever, I can’t give an informed opinion on DAEMI's technical writing abilities, since I'm not a native speaker, nor am I the book's target audience.

But, I digress.

The more I reread the book (in all its trash glory), the more I find myself questioning Kim's views in regards to how he sees himself as part of a mafia family. 🤔

In the book, Kim is a lot more accepting of his place within the mafia, despite his initial tendencies of disappearing on his guards and staying away from the main house. In fact, that pretty much changes once Chay enters the picture.

Gotta love a Kinn who's curious about his little bro's love life. XD

Kim is firmly settled into the fold of the family business (if that scene in the secret warehouse is anything to go by) and there’s a scene in the beginning of the book where Korn obligates all 3 sons to dress up in some fancy suits and visit their chocolate factory, since he’s particularly keen on getting it off the ground. This shows that although Kinn is set to inherit (in public, at least) the other two sons still have their duties to the family.

In fact, I will say that one of the most interesting things about reading the book is finding out that Kim's sleuthing is actually canon. Lol Granted, it's sleuthing more in regards to finding the mole and not really about Korn's game plan, but sleuthing nonetheless.

But in the show, his role within the family business and how he views it are a little bit more foggy because he has his musical career to keep him occupied, besides his sleuthing into Korn’s affairs. He’s not active in the way one would typically expect a member of the mafia to be (and who knows, this may be due to limited time constraints on the part of the showrunners), but he’s active within that sphere nonetheless.

And because of this, contrary to the general fandom consensus, I never really got the impression that Kim wanted to be out of the mafia, yknow? Personally, I think it’s too big of a leap to say him moving out = him not wanting to be in the mafia. Having that sort of character motivation wouldn't really make sense either, because then we would have had stronger hints of it, I think?

At the very least, by the end of the show, Kim--just like Chay--has more reasons to stay than not. The way I see it, Kim wanting to be out of the mafia would actually somewhat contradict his actions in the show.

Despite his effort in staying away from the mansion his father and brothers live in (and later on, Chay), Kim benefits from being a Theerapanyakul. We see this in a lot of different ways: the penthouse he lives in, the cars he drives (he gets his own set of the Maserati fleet, yo), his private studio, the freedom of movement he has in being able to easily get information (although this may be debatable), using Big as a gopher.

I highly doubt his career as a young musician is maintaining his luxurious lifestyle (perhaps only a part of it, like the fame); imo, there’s a calculated reason why BOC chose to keep the level of his fame as vague as possible. The way I see it, Kim moved out and pursued music simply because, due to his unique position of being the youngest son (aka the spare), he just had the luxury to do so.

If he truly wanted out of the mafia, I'm firmly on the camp that he could have done so already. We've seen in both the show and the book that unlike Kinn who's constrained by his duties, Kim does have the freedom to disappear, even to the point that it's to his detriment at times. Lol

Maybe I can go even further, and suggest that perhaps the reason he chose to move out is to get a better vantage point of the circumstances surrounding his father's schemes and the ongoing tides of power. Kinda like, he has to move away from the trees, in order to see the entire forest.

I wouldn't go so far as to say he wants power for himself (although this idea would be fun to entertain, especially within the context that he now has Chay in his life to protect), but again, being a member (a high-ranking one, at that) of the Theerapanyakul family benefits him in a lot of different ways.

In one of BOC's interviews and then in Jeff's goodbye message during the last KPWT, he mentioned something about Pond changing up Kim's character in order to make Jeff Satur shine. Idk about y'all, but that's quite a touching gesture, and one I definitely approve of, whilst I get a better understanding of the similarities and differences between novel!Kim and show!Kim. It's obvious from the show that besides changing Kim's maturity level and changing his image from a fuck boi to a cool prince, giving him a passion for music definitely humanized him and served as a way to balance out the other two love stories.

But be that as it may, although we the audience don't know as to what extent Pond changed Kim's character to better fit the story, at the very least maintaining Kim's position as a legitimate contender in the politics of the mafia world remains consistent in both the book and show.

Whether that observation lines up with the idea that he wants out of the mafia though, is entirely up to you. XD

#kimchay #kinnporche the series #kimhan theerapanyakul #character analysis #meta #kpts meta #kpts novel

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akookminsupporter · 11 months

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Honestly, this is an old topic and I’ll understand if you don’t want to talk about it. I’ve seen some talk about how the actions of the members as they venture in their solo stuff seems to contradict the “BTS as a group now and in the future agenda”, and I thought it was just random comments here and there but today I also saw another blog that I follow touch on the matter. I personally am a firm believer of believing on the boys and what they say when it comes to the group. Like during Festa last year yes I felt a little out of it because I wasn’t expecting a hiatus announcement, but after jk came live and after learning about ms everything made sense. Now that we’re halfway through the members solo eras I’m beginning to see (again) comments about how the different approaches each of them has embraced seem different or to contradict the trajectory of coming back as a band in 2025-2026. I would say that the assumption that I’ve seen used the most recently is that bts are going to have a comeback maybe in 2026, do an album and a tour and then they’ll focus on their solo stuff — the “proof” I’ve also seen used a lot to back up this assumption/predictions are how NJ seems to be too into his own music and less talkative about the group and their future (as opposed to yoonmin), and V not being too into his music or wanting more freedom something that being the a member of the biggest group can’t allow (a narrative that I’ve also seen used with jk). I personally don’t see any of this as true, like I know and I’ve seen how the members even now still talk about their plans and wanting to come back as a group already, but maybe I’m being blinded by my trust or maybe I’m missing something idk 🤷🏻‍♀️. I just wanted to know your thoughts. I know the future is literally unpredictable and that not even the boy can tell what’s going to happen, even bang pd said that in that interview, but still I think that they have plans and know stuff we won’t even know until they want us to, and that if they say they’re going to do something, they will try their best to 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hi anon, how are you? Sorry for replying to your Ask a bit late. If you don't mind I would like to address several points you mentioned.

I’ve seen some talk about how the actions of the members as they venture in their solo stuff seems to contradict the “BTS as a group now and in the future agenda”,

This entry point is interesting because what things have they said or done that contradict their "bts as a band now and in the future" agenda...that they are releasing solo albums, that one went on tour alone or that they are doing solo performances? If they mean that then yes, I guess they are contradicting the "bts as a group now" part of the agenda, that's precisely the idea. BTS is technically not currently an active group, but the members have been consistent in saying that they are part of a group and want to return to being one in the future, maybe some members mention this more than others, but they've all said it more than once at some point. So I find it interesting that they say that and I am curious as to why they say it.

I’m beginning to see (again) comments about how the different approaches each of them has embraced seem different or to contradict the trajectory of coming back as a band in 2025-2026.

I find this argument a bit silly and even ignorant. Of course the focus of their solo albums is different to what they do as a group, that's the point. I thought everyone understood that. Here they can finally have full control of how they want to do everything. Every project is theirs, the way they want it to be. Here they don't have to compromise on something for the sake of the group. Here it's not just a part of each of them forming a whole, here it's a whole formed from each of them individually. This is the opportunity where they can really maybe find out what kind of artists they really are, not as a member of a group but as themselves. Literally. And there's nothing wrong with that, on the contrary. That would, in the future and in theory, benefit the group even more.

I would say that the assumption that I’ve seen used the most recently is that bts are going to have a comeback maybe in 2026, do an album and a tour and then they’ll focus on their solo stuff — the “proof” I’ve also seen used a lot to back up this assumption/predictions are how NJ seems to be too into his own music and less talkative about the group and their future (as opposed to yoonmin), and V not being too into his music or wanting more freedom something that being the a member of the biggest group can’t allow (a narrative that I’ve also seen used with jk).

Look, nothing is set in stone. No matter how much you plan for the future, it can change. In 2-3 years’ things can be different. What each of them wants may change. Maybe Jin wants to start his acting career and doesn't want to travel so much. Maybe Hobi wants to do his own solo tour. Maybe Yoongi wants to get more into production than anything else. Maybe everyone in 2-3 years wants something different and that's normal because they are human. For now, the only thing we know is that they want to come back in a few years as a group, what that comeback will be like, we don't know. Maybe it will just be an album and nothing else. Maybe it will be four albums and a tour. Maybe it will be a different kind of normality but similar to what we knew. To accuse them of being liars or pressuring them to do what they said they would do or promised would happen is unfair. They are not robots. They did not promise anything in stone.

And honestly, it's sad how much some so-called fans question what the members say.

It's funny that they say that about Namjoon because he hasn't said much of anything lately and the times he gave an interview or did a Wlive, he mentioned coming back as a group. He mentioned BTS. They are all focused on their own things. BTS's schedule is literally at a standstill. At least the musical one.

In my opinion, I think this fandom is selfish with the artists it claims to love. This fandom has set up sometimes unfair expectations for these seven men, but demands that they be met. It doesn't matter what they want or think.

Personally, I will continue to wait patiently for each release. For every move each of them makes. Always respecting my line. Tomorrow or 2-3 years from now whatever will happen will happen. What they want to happen with their careers, with their lives. will happen. And each one of us will be able to decide what to do as fans.

#anon #ask #bts fan opinions #bts solo careers #bts break #bts #rosie's opinion

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yzafre · 4 months

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So been thinking lately about how way back (somewhere 5-10 years ago? that's when I followed the most dp blogs, at least) there were a lot of posts around people imagining a Danny Phantom reboot. I read a lot of them, probably reblogged some of them, but with my chronically-late-to-the-party disease I'm only really playing around with my own ideas now.

probably to procrastinate on that other project I should be working on shhhhh

So. How would I put together a DP reboot? Not necessarily what the best way is, but what would I want to do. I really like outlining, so this is a fun little thought experiment even though I should really be writing

Okay, so to start out with - what's that one post? What I want from fandom is not what I want from canon? There is… a lot of DP fanon out there that's really fun, but definitely should be restricted to fanon only (at least in it's typical form).

After that: format of the show. There's a lot more styles of kid cartoons now-a-days, and a lot of shows on the spectrum from serialized/progressive story to monster of the week. I think I would put this more on the pure monster of the week half. More Teen Titans than Avatar.

Or, well, if I'm being really honest, more like Leverage.

Leverage is a heist show with a very strong cast of characters, where each episode had a different target, so you could largely watch any episode and understand the plot fully. There were season-long "villains" that would be taken down in the season finale, but their involvement in the rest of the season's episodes was very limited.

The biggest connection here, though, is that throughout its five seasons the characters had very strong character progression - the characters were still recognizable between season 1 and season 5, but they were also noticeably different.

They learned lessons and had development throughout, and that was really the heart of the show - seeing them learn and grown and heal and become better people together. And it was consistent, not backtracking whenever they wanted for the sake of an episode idea (be real, we all just thought of an episode name).

So, rather than developing intricate plot arcs, I think I would want this hypothetical reboot to instead focus on thematic arcs each season, that could be injected into individual monster-of-the-week plots, leading up to the big resolution in the season finale.

And that's why I think the first season finale would be Spectra.

"Spectra?" I can hear you say, "I mean, she's memorable, but is she really finale-worth? What about a Freakshow, or a Pariah Dark, or a Dan?"

Look, just - hear me out. See my vision.

So I want to loop back to that concept from earlier of fanon vs canon, and look at one of the core concepts of the show: Danny's ghost powers, and what they mean. Now, while it's not… terribly clear in canon, I think the original intent (per the theme song) was that he just had mutated DNA that gave him ghost powers.

Of course, all of us watching took one look and threw that in the trash and went "nah, he's half ghost, thus half dead". And rightfully so! Much more interesting.

Why not take that into the hypothetical reboot, then, make something of a meta-commentary, a dialogue with the original? Have that be something Danny goes back and forth over throughout the season? Maybe in the beginning he very confidently asserts that he was just mutated, it's just powers… but as things seem to contradict that, there's an internal struggle, he's not dead, he's obviously alive, he can't be dead -

And if that's the internal struggle he's over-coming through the first season, who better to force the final confrontation within himself than Spectra?

#danny phantom #late night brain-dumping

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claire-starsword · 3 months

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Shining Force II Encyclopedia - Character Profiles

(You can also read this one on Neocities to not have to scroll through 30 characters in one post. Then again maybe you like that, so do whatever you like)

The "Characters" section of the book has a short profile for each character, plus basic gameplay information such as starting class and items, spell list and stat growth. I have ignored the gameplay info as it is basic stuff already covered in guides and walkthrough elsewhere. The strategy part of the book however also has small info boxes for when a character joins the force or appears in the story. I have translated those in this section as well, to gather all character info in one place, and also because Kazin's destroyed me emotionally. I have noted which part of the story some info boxes are placed, when they depend of context.

So, let's start!

Besides the protagonist who you'll be leading the adventure as, there's a total of 29 characters who will become your allies. They'll be a helpful bunch to have around. They are of many different classes and species, but will support you in many ways through this long and harsh war. Among them, some will be hard to recruit. You should find out by yourself how to get them!

This thing opens by telling you all secrets so that's an hilarious line.

Bowie Human / Male The protagonist. A boy with golden hair and blue eyes. Humans are weaker than dwarves and centaurs in battle, and inferior to elves when it comes to intellect. But he has greater endurance and fighting spirit than most humans¹. Aiming to become a legendary hero, he became a swordsman and is training under Sir Astral. His father was in the Granseal army² and disappeared during a expedition to slay a dragon³, so he lives with only his mother now.

¹Humans suck. Luckily for you you are special boy

²His father is mentioned as captain of the army in the JP version.

³Curiously, Mars of Shining Wisdom has a dad with pretty much the same story, except he's brought up in game, although unrelated to the whole plot.

Sarah Elf / Female A girl training under Astral, alongside Bowie. Her long blue hair and big red eyes are quite distinctive. She has always been the kind that enjoys looking after others, and comes across as a big sister despite being the same age as Bowie. Because of that personality she oftens ends up doing the jobs no one likes to do, and is nice enough to pull them off without complaining. New Member blurb: A pupil of Sir Astral, the same age as Bowie. A kind girl good at taking care of others.

It fascinates me how every guide seems to ignore the troublemaking and feisty side of her we see in the actual game. Like, none of the above contradicts it, it's just very pointedly not talking about it.

Chester [Huey] Centaur / Male Bowie and Sarah's classmate. Training under Astral in order to become a knight. He doesn't speak as much as the others, because centaurs are a quite prideful race¹. But his good nature is written plainly on his face. New Member blurb: Being a centaur, his movement is superior. Another student of Sir Astral.

¹i cannot remember a single time this man sounded remotely snobbish. He's more of a pushover at the beginning of the game, and is the one to thank Slade for jailbreaking them at Galam before Sarah decides to grill the man instead. The closest thing I can think of is that he doesn't wanna talk while dismantling the ship. He's also pretty annoyed at Jaha but, it's Jaha. Most people are annoyed at Jaha.

Jaha [Jaja] Hobbit / Male Another classmate, training under Astral to become a warrior. He talks a lot more than the other three, and Chester tends to get annoyed at that. His attack and defense are high, so he'll be a good ally in battle. New Member blurb: The oversleeper joins the team. He's usually clumsy, but a great help in battle. Kazin [Kazun] Elf / Male A boy studying magic under the scholar Hawel, a researcher of the ancient ruins. Has above average talent for magic. He puts up a cool and collected front, but can be quite fiery at times. Key Character blurb: [when met at Yeel Village] Training at magic under Hawel. Has a better reputation at Yeel Village than his master. New Member blurb: [when joining the force after Hawel is killed] Loved Hawel like a real father. A reliable guy, specialist in fire spells.

:'(

Slade [Jippo] Scavenger¹ / Male The one who started the calamity, bringing turmoil to the once peaceful Granseal. He's a thief, and likes the adventure more than gold or fame. New Member blurb: [when met in jail] A scavenger known as the thief on the side of justice. There's still a little time until he fights alongside the force.

¹The term for Slade's species, スケイブン (sukeibun), seems to come from Warhammer’s skaven race, which is pronounced a bit different than the word scavenger (which would be something like スカベンジャー(sukabenjaa) in katakana instead). However, the term first showed up in this series for those rat enemies at the start of Gaiden 1, and SFCD translated it as Scavenger, so I’m going with that. Honestly, I’d rather just call him a ratguy.

Kiwi Green Turtle¹ / No gender² A mysterious creature. Their body and shape is much like a turtle, but no one knows for sure what they are. Given the shell on their back, their defense is absurdly high. Seems they'll grow into an amazing character. New Member blurb: A poor creature put up for sale. The truth about them is deeply shrouded in mystery.

¹Green Turtle is the name of Kiwi's class in-game as well, in the JP version. I usually stick to the official class translations but, TORT has always been a weird one.

²Kiwi has only one line where they use the first person pronoun "boku", which is usually associated with little boys. However, that line is right at the beginning when they are at the pet shop and barely knows how to talk, so it might be them just copying the first little boy they heard. Also, as far as I know, more gender neutral pronouns like "watashi" or "jibun" are not commonly used by little children. One gender neutral option for a little kid would be just using their own name, but Kiwi doesn't even have a name at that point. So the pronoun used makes sense, though it would have been better to just not use any pronouns for such a short line. Then again I'm not taking this turtle as a serious attempt at agender representation, I'm just finger-gunning that no gender label anyway.

I suspect the devs main reason for listing Kiwi as genderless is that Kiwi is named by the player in game, and they didn't want to limit the player's interpretation. Still peculiar that they say "no gender" as opposed to the "unknown" Zynk and Claude got.

For the record, the english localization does refer to Kiwi as a he. I have chosen to use they/them pronouns here to emphasize this piece of trivia and the whole gender discussion.

Peter Phoenix / Male A phoenix chick. The phoenix is a bird spoken of in legends throughout every country. Brimming with curiosity, he's the kind that faces things without much fear. While he's blunt and asks a lot of questions, there's also a certain charm to him. The god Volcanon is like a father to him, and has also influenced a lot of his personality. After promotion, he becomes a very helpful character to have around. New Member blurb: A phoenix that ended up traveling with Bowie and the others. May [Matilda] Centaur / Female A girl of a hunting tribe who loves nature. Despite being both centaur classes, knights and rangers are very different. Compared to the prideful knights, rangers are more cheerful and open. New Member blurb: The ranger May is a bow user. She seems to be bored, so call out to her.

The portrait used for her throughout the guide seems to be from earlier in development.

Gerhalt Beastman / Male Hates crooked things! He's like the personification of moral sense. He's less hairy than other beastmen, and has a complex about it. The kind that likes fighting, rare to find in a peaceful village like that. New Member blurb: A beastman warrior tired of being nice to the villagers who forgot how to fight. Fights with fists strong enough to break stone.

Luke [Ludo] Birdman / Male Prince of Bedoe, the country of birdmen, and a great friend of Peter's. Is both kind and brave. Trusted by god Volcanon, the people of Bedoe work day and night to protect the peace of South Parmecia. New Member blurb: The brave prince of Bedoe. Willing to lay down his life for his country. Rohde [Lloyd] Human / Male A middle aged scholar who studies the Ancients. His fervor for his research has made him respected by other people. However, because he gets too absorbed in it, he's also known as an oddball. New Member blurb: A scholar who lives in the south of Hassan. Obsessed with ancient ruins, he continues to research them on his own. Rick [Mick] Centaur / Male A boy scared of adventures and facing the unknown, who ended up being left behind all alone. After meeting Bowie and the team, he grows up a bit.¹ New Member blurb: A sensitive yet strong willed boy. Lives in the harbor town of Hassan².

¹The manual also describes him as timid, yet he's very enthusiastic when you meet him, taking the initiative to join the team as soon as the Caravan picks his interest. It is possible that this description is more of a past thing, or his personality was reworked late in development. Or even, he might be putting in some effort to hide whatever fears he has.

²While this backstory is in the manual and most official guides as well, it contradicts the in-game story, where Rick has just arrived in Hassan, and had no idea what the town was like.

Elric [Polnaref] Elf / Male A resident of Fairy Woods. Friendly with the fairies and dwarves. Has a great sense of justice, and keeps himself well informed. He's not very strong physically, and can be easily caught by traps.

New Member... blurb? Yeah no, sorry, they forgor him.

For actual Elric trivia, see the post about his mom.

Eric [Elric] Centaur / Male While searching for a magic sword, he got caught in an unfortunate incident and became trapped in a certain place. Has an air of sadness, and is quiet and well mannered. It seems he was lord of a castle somewhere, a long time ago. New Member blurb: A knight who was shrunk down in middle of his travels, searching for a legendary sword. Karna [Twiggy] Human¹ / Female A beautiful woman with a roundish face, but old-fashioned looks. She's fit to work as a priest, having a kind heart. She worries about Bowie and the others getting caught up in an incident as if it was her own problem. New Member blurb: A priest girl. Can use healing magic, so you definitely want to bring her along.

¹You read that right, human. Both this manual and every guide book I know lists both her and Taya as humans despite the ears. I've heard that the official novel calls her a half-elf to go around this issue, but as I don't have the novel (yet) I can't confirm this.

Randolf [Dongo] Dwarf / Male A barbarian who likes to drink. He's happy as long as he has alcohol, and looks like a hooligan. He seems related to gully dwarves¹, as his roughness stands out. The original dwarf people are virtuous and well mannered. New Member blurb: A strong dwarf warrior. Shows incredible destructive power in battle.

¹The term for his subrace (ドブドワーフ) seems to come from Dragonlance, or at the very least that was the only result I got looking it up. I'm gonna take a moment to say I really dislike these fantasy race stereotypes, they usually don't get too much focus on Shining games but I feel this guide in particular is laying a bit thicker on them which is a bit annoying. I already pointed out how the prideful centaurs thing doesn't even match this game's characters.

Tyrin [Piper] Elf / Male A level-headed middle aged mage, who is polite, but a bit hard to talk to. Likely thanks to years of accumulated wisdom, he has good mastery of magic. He is also physically stronger than the younger elves¹. New Member blurb: An user of offensive magic. His mastery of magic will be very useful in battle.

¹Tyrin's physical strength comes up in the manual as well, and it's nothing but a few attack points above Kazin and Taya as far as I know. He still has less than Sarah and the archers, so the elf line is a bit silly. The manual correctly associates it with his class instead.

Janet Elf / Female A girl of the forest who came after her boyfriend, upon hearing that he was working alongside the Granseal army. Her skill with the bow is on par with Elric's. New Member blurb: An elf like Elric, with similar skill with the bow. It's reassuring to have her around. Higins Centaur / Male Captain of the army of Pacalon, the centaur kingdom in North Parmecia. As captain in a country of prideful centaurs, he has a stern personality. However, he has a bit of a scatterbrained side as well. New Member blurb: Captain of the army of the centaur country. With high attack and movement, he has the enemies at his mercy. Skreech [Fielder] Birdman / Male He looks no different from an adult birdman, but is actually still a young boy. Birdmen grow faster than other species. He has a sharp, clear gaze, and a strong body. New Member blurb: Talk to everyone underneath the town's grounds¹. New allies join the force, and someone headed the same way follows along.

¹This blurb pops up at the Moun battle guide, refering to Frayja, Skreech, and Zynk. It is therefore incorrect, since Skreech joins at Tristan. Other parts of the guide describe the correct way of getting him to join, so it's a curious error.

Taya [Linda] Human¹ / Female A shrine maiden serving Goddess Mitula. A very reserved and mysterious woman. She often has a downcast look. She's transformed somewhere, waiting for Bowie. New Member blurb: As talked about in Tristan, someone with the power to control nature awaits somewhere in the shrine.

¹Both this manual and every guide book I know lists both her and Karna as humans despite the ears.

Frayja [Sharol] Hobbit¹ / Male The priest of Moun, tormented by regret over something he did. He looks a bit fat, given his sagging cheeks and the short stature of hobbits. Also at the age where he's losing hair. New Member blurb: Talk to everyone underneath the town's grounds². New allies join the force, and someone headed the same way follows along.

¹Some guide books call him human instead. His proportions are very different from the other hobbits/dwarves in the series so I’m willing to believe that more.

²This blurb pops up at the Moun battle guide, refering to Frayja, Skreech, and Zynk. It's a bit odd, since Frayja joins before the battle, not after freeing the town. It is also just wrong when it comes to Skreech.

Jaro [Falcon] Pegasus / Male Used to be a Galam soldier. Disliked having to fight alongside unknown monsters. The pegasus are a special race, centaurs who have sprouted wings. New Member blurb: Satisfied with how the battle ended, he joins the force as a helpful ally of great mobility. Gyan Hobbit¹ / Male A very hotblooded man. The kind that cannot stand still seeing others in trouble. He's a kindhearted person who loves children, and is always worrying about his family. New Member blurb: Warrior of superb power and stamina. A reassuring ally to have at the very front.

¹He calls himself a dwarf in game. Some other guide books call him a dwarf as well.

Sheela Human / Female An old pupil of Astral. She became a priest after her training, but for some reason has abandoned that profession, and became a disciple in the ascetic monks cabin. She's frank and sociable. New Member blurb: Someone who once trained under Astral. Has great attack and can uses several kinds of magic.

Zynk [Backus] Robot / Unknown¹ Was once just junk lying around in the ancient pathway. After a lot of tinkering from the one who picked them up, they began to move. Joins Bowie after a certain event. New Member blurb 1: [when met on Moun] Talk to everyone underneath the town's grounds. New allies join the force, and someone headed the same way follows along. New Member blurb 2: [when joining after Petro's death] After meeting Petro, he joins the force after following around since Moun.

¹Zynk speaks in a rough manner when first met under the rock of Moun, including using the casual and rough pronoun "ore", which is usually masculine. After that, they switch to polite and gender neutral language.

I suppose that the unknown label here is more due to the fact of robots likely not having a biological sex.

The english localization refers to Zynk as a he. I have chosen to use they/them pronouns here to emphasize this piece of trivia and the whole gender discussion.

Chaz [Oneia] Human / Male Hawel's son. Travelling through many countries as he polishes his magical abilities. Later on, he inherits Hawel's research. A rare kind of mage, curious and enthusiastic. New Member blurb: Here comes a special ally capable of understanding any incident in the world!! A passionate and active mage!! Lemon Human / Male As his appearance shows he is clearly a soldier, the highest commander of the Galam army, in fact. A person who hates crooked behavior and wrongdoings, but for some reason, his personality has completely changed. Key Character blurb: [when coming after the force near Hawel's house] Highest commander of the Galam army. He hates wrongdoings, so why is he acting like this? New Member blurb: [after defeated in the Red Baron fight]: An honest man who shows respect even for his enemies. Would be reassuring if he became an ally. Claude [Mud] Golem / Unknown¹ A stone giant. Supports the group from behind the scenes without drawing much attention, but can unleash powerful attacks with their huge body. Their weak point is their low movement, but since they can take many hits, they can work well as a shield.

¹Claude speaks casually and uses the rough and masculine pronoun "ore" when first met. In HQ, they are slightly more polite and use the polite and gender neutral "watashi" instead. Because there's not dialogue about them, I don't recall the english version using any pronouns for them as well.

I suppose that the unknown label here is more due to the fact of golems likely not having a biological sex.

Claude does not get a new member blurb, because the guide does not cover the Ancient Pathway as part of the walkthrough.

#shining series #shining force 2 #shining force 2 encyclopedia #long post #giant ass post in fact! has taken a good chunk of my life these past weeks!#never expected to talk so much about the gender of a turtle but that's where we are #pretty sad that this genderlessness here feels just like male-lite but alas lol what did you expect #i'm running with it anyway #also it should be obvious that i just copypasted the stuff from neocities so there's some redundant information from other posts #it's gonna become the norm here a bit. doesn't hurt anyone #same for the links to the website because things are better organized and revised there #oh no i just realized i need to update zynk's tag because i changed the romanization #i want to make a page about character names at some point #unfortunately my phone ate a draft i had

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itsmaferart · 2 years

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SxF Chap 29 ·Fear of chaos·

Warning: manga spoilers

I want to analyze some of the SxF manga chapters which I find very interesting. Seeing subtle details that we often overlook. I clarify that I am based on the manga, and especially that all this is based on my own opinion and point of view. Being a manga that continues to be published, many things can change or contradict in the future. So you are free to have a different opinion. With all this said, I begin

Introduction: In chapter 29 of the manga, we are introduced to Anya doing a research task about a profession that interests them. The little girl, seeing that it was going to be somewhat complicated to interview her mother (a murderer with very crazy fantasies), decides to interview her father.

To be brief, the chapter revolves around Anya's interview with Loid regarding his fake job as a psychiatrist, although she writes details about his work as a spy. Basically, Twilight says that he chose this cover because he thinks it would be a good way to get close to a lot of targets, which he could get information about.

However, I want to focus on other points that seem more important to

Psychiatrist

It is curious that Twilight is a psychiatrist, and to some extent, ironic.

If you have seen my previous analyses, I put a lot of emphasis on how Twilight suffers from many psychological and emotional wounds caused by the collateral effects of the war and a conflicted relationship with his missing fathers.

From his personal perspective, Twilight claims to have "forgotten and buried his own past", in a "voluntary" way. Since his spy profession requires him to abandon who he was. But, seeing his past, we know that this was a decision even before he was a spy. Twilight suffered enormous losses, to his mother, father and friends, falling into a vicious circle of hatred that led to nothing.

Each of these losses is directly caused by the war

Interestingly, when Loid explains why he "supposedly" decided to become a psychiatrist, it is to "help people, especially veterans who continue to suffer." Although the war is long over, there are people who carry consequences for their entire lives that take a long time to overcome.

This, somehow, is perfect for him.

Perhaps the loss of those closest to him, and the war itself ended long ago. But the damage to him has remained, and this is something that can be seen throughout the entire manga. Either directly or indirectly. Twilight has a tremendous fear of loss and chaos. Therefore, he prefers to close himself off from any idea of becoming attached to another person, much less remember his past.

On more than one occasion, the way the series (Anya) refers to Loid's false profession, is that of "a doctor of feelings" |··Someone who helps heal other people's scars. Although he is, perhaps, one of the people with the most emotional wounds|

It seems to me that Endo loves to play with ironies.

Something that also aroused my curiosity is if Twilight would like the profession of psychiatrist if he weren't a spy.

This has been one of the great doubts of the fandom. In this regard, if Loid Forger the psychiatrist can become Twilight's true identity in the end, or if he will finally reveal his real name and return to who he was (Deleted)

The subtle smile of this panel, and the way he compares the skills of spies to understand people through rational empathy, closely resembles the profession of a psychiatrist.

He himself says that the most difficult part of his job is that it be something "secondary". Although until now we have not seen Loid exercising his false profession. I wonder if at this point, he's starting to develop sympathy for his fake work and colleagues.

Taking into account that Twilight is good at analyzing people in a rational way, and knowing that he is a genius in every way. Perhaps it would not be strange if he became a psychiatrist or continued with this coverage in the future, if he decides to stay with the Forger Family

Panic to chaos

Advancing in the last part of the chapter, we could see one of the most hilarious scenes. But that seems to have a very sad undertone

Loid (Twilight) asks Anya, in an attempt to distract her, to play with an sandbox and some dolls. We all know at this point that Anya had not the slightest interest and ended up in an adventure inside the exhaust ducts that her dad uses.

It seemed that Twilight really wanted to take advantage of this situation so he could see deeper into Anya's mind. Perhaps in an attempt to improve their relationship, and to be able to understand her

And what did he find?

Now the first time I saw this scene I can only laugh. You don't know how much fun it is for me to watch this man's panic attacks.

But examining the scene more carefully, I began to see that what happened here is a sign of the terror that Twilight keeps inside him.

To get started. Anya is not expressing anything with that sandbox, she only threw the toys to pretend that she was playing and not be discovered in her antics.

Yes, yes, Anya has also been through difficult things. But in this situation she was not expressing it. She shows her fears when she feels that she will be rejected because she is telepathic, or because she believes that her family will abandon her. She doesn't feel bad about being adopted, on the contrary, she is happy that Twilight, the best spy in the world is her dad, and wants to be with him forever.

However, Twilight. It seems, once again, to project itself onto Anya. His tendency to control everything leads him to think that if Anya (or Yor) feels bad, he thinks it's his fault. His fear of chaos, of facing situations that he does not know how to interpret, to not understand or interpret someone's emotions (his wife and daughter), or that he simply could not foresee would happen, scares him a lot.

Which produces in him large amounts of anxiety

Hence his overreactions, desperately seeking to understand, and jumping to hasty and laughable conclusions.

But obviously none of this is his fault. He is a great father and husband. And it's okay to care about them and their well-being (whether it's for the mission or not). The problem is Twilight's need for control, and how he berates himself or freaks out when there's something he doesn't know how to handle.

But... How not to be afraid of chaos?

When being just a kid had to see that? His own world destroyed!

It is here, when we understand Twilight's impulsive need that everything must work under an absolute, rational order. And his desire to be in control, even of his family's happiness, and to blame himself for things that are clearly not his fault.

Even though he is no longer a child, and he is a professional when it comes to dealing with dangerous situations. Facing situations where "being a spy" does not help him, the uncertainty and fear that he lived in the past make him feel exposed and vulnerable

Conclusion:

It's a great chapter, not only for showing us the false facet of Loid as a psychiatrist, while giving us so much information about him and his own traumas. Endo really knows how to tell us a tragic story in the funniest way. While we can understand a little more how Twilight's fears manifest themselves, even though many years have passed, and he thinks he has forgotten them.

I hope you enjoyed this review as much as I did. I plan to analyze other chapters of SXF. If you have any chapter that you would like me to analyze, you can let me know :D

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asexual-society · 6 months

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CW: mental health, maybe?

So I'm a little confused if these labels contradict each other... Is it possible to be demisexual but also experience hypersexuality/hyperromantic attraction and a strong sex drive once you feel that emotional connection has been made? I don't make friends that easily, and don't really enjoy the idea of casual hookups/short term relationships/one night stands, but I also tend to fall for people I consider true friends quite quickly. Additionally, I have difficulty determining if my attractions are platonic or romantic and more often than not, whenever I start getting close enough to a new trusted friend I begin to develop a sudden intense, romantic infatuation for them that may or may not involve fantasizing about them in a sensually intimate and sometimes sexual way. Would this be classified as Demisexual Hyperromantic? Some kind of Demi-flux or Grey-flux orientation? Is this just a form of neurodivergence (diagnosed autism/ADHD, seeking possible BPD diagnosis) overlapping with demisexuality? Any insight at all would be appreciated.

Hey anon! Yeah, I think it's totally normal for a demisexual person (or any acepec person!) to have a strong sex drive, regardless of whether or not they're in a relationship or even experiencing sexual or romantic attraction. Being hypersexual has nothing to do with orientation, and while some asexual people can find any amount of libido/sex drive they feel to be distressing, this isn't a universal experience (meanwhile, hypersexuality is typically distressing by definition, and may be linked to your neurodivergence (or may not)). I'd actually never heard of 'hypperromantic' as a descriptor before looking it up just now, you learn something new every day. As far as I can gather it's not a recognised medical term like hypersexuality is, although I won't go into my thoughts on it either as a counterpoint to hypersexuality or its common usage here.

As an autistic person you might form close relationships differently to an allistic person, and how you feel within those relationships might also be different, so two things can be true, just like you might find it hard to differentiate between different forms of attraction because of your neurodivergence, or it might be unrelated. Many autistic people feel like their asexuality or aromanticism is closely tied to their autism and many do not (as someone who may be autistic, I personally feel like my asexuality and aromanticism are closely tied to how other autistic people perceive me as autistic, but I've been IDing as aro and ace way longer than I've even considered being autistic so I don't see them as connected at all. A psychologist may disagree, but it's not up to them what or how you feel).

It's fine to have thoughts of an intimate/romantic/sensual/sexual nature like that about people you're close to, regardless of how you actively and consciously feel about them because brains love to test things out like that. To put it simply, if you find you really want to act on those thoughts then that's a good sign it's attraction you're feeling, but if you don't or you think you would but not so much that you're drawn to do it, then it might not be. I sometimes think about kissing my friends, and there are some of my friends I would kiss, for example, but I wouldn't go out of my way to try it, I'm mostly just touch starved.

For demisexual people there's no rule to say how often you feel the strong bond you need for the possibility for sexual attraction to happen, it might be very rare that you feel a strong bond and even rarer to experience attraction following it, or it might happen a lot. If you feel like your demisexuality fluctuates over time and sometimes you feel more ace or allo and at other times you feel more demi, then you could be demiflux if that's a label that feels helpful to you, but if not, you don't have to use it.

Hope this helps anon!

~ mod key

#asexual #demisexual #autism #neurodivergent #asks #anon #mod key #hypersexual #hyperromantic

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kaoticshiba · 1 year

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NONSENSICAL DRABBLE AND RAMBLE ABOUT EP 101. STATEMENT OF MICHAEL + Additional thoughts on Gertrude and Michael.

Spoiler for anyone who hasn't yet gotten to Ep. 101

I wanna point out, this won't make sense, I'm just throwing my observations in a document and posting it because I need to get it out somewhere. This is how I personally view Michael the distortion and what he has said in Ep. Regarding himself. I will be jumping from one thing to another so it will not make sense.

Like said it is just my rambling and how I observe the situation. Anyone can disagree and have their own opinions that differ but these are mine. I am not looking for a debate, just wanna put my thoughts out to process or find people who view it similarly + write it so maybe when people see my art they might understand why I draw certian situations, or Michael Distortion in a certian light.

Re- Listening to EP 101 , Michael's statement after being on ep... 125 (?) Kinda put stuff into perspective. The first time I didn't understand half of his statement. Then I relistened again I realised that the storyline of telling switches from Michael's POV to the spirals POV( before it was Michael ) back to Michael's and you can almost tell who is saying what.

I like to imagine Michael the distortion being like Garnet in Steven universe. It is Ruby and Saphirre but it is also not them , because together they make Garnet. Sometimes Garnet speaks as its own person, as its own relationship personified and sometimes when in distress or anger , you hear Ruby or Saphire speak out instead of the unified Garnet.

And with such logic it helped me understand Michael the distortion.

Because when he , The distortion, speaks of the ritual he is referring to the ( back then ) spiral but also to past Michael. At the moment of speaking, the spiral is Michael so a lot of times instead of it saying "The spiral" , he says " me/i " , because that's exactly what the spiral is right now but speaks of itself from before. It speaks of itself in past tense.

Then after, it goes to Michael's perspective once again and you hear , Michael Shelley speak of himself being scared and panicky and approaching the door in the middle of the ritual , like speaking out of the mixure of the distortion, before the POV switches and the spiral ( trough Michael the distortion ) speaks of it seeing two people ( which in this case were Gertrude And Shelley ) approach the door but not noticing because of the ritual...

I am not good with words and this might not make sense , but the switching of POV's between both the spiral and Michael Shelley while making/being Michael Distortion, is brilliant and so interesting. I needed a bit to realize what's happening but if you look at them as a fusion of a new being with both of their views and opinions mixed into each other, everything that the distortion Michael says, makes sense.

If you look at him as just Michael shelley gone mad it doesn't. As he says he is as much of the spiral as the spiral is him. And viewing them as a fusion , a 2 In 1 , something new with the feelings and experiences of both past beings, makes a lot of sense .

And I am delighted that I can understand it to some degree now. I feel like some contradicting things that Michael distortion says also come from the fact that he was 1. Angry at what had happened and betrayal from Gertrudes side 2. He was pushing away the spiral / didn't ever wanna be it. Because of this he speaks as more of they, once one, once other.

Surely he was more united at the beginning but it proves to how distortion Hellen treats Jon after that in 101 Ep that the distortions emotions and acting isn't something that comes from the spiral but from the person it merges with.

That also shows me, that the distortion has more feelings and opinions , its own will than its first let on and it is not a mere puppet to the spiral.

Yes they become a new thing but that doesn't mean that suddenly whatever the previous person was, is just overcome and its just a body which the spiral controls.

All in all, Michael isn't Michael Shelley ( at least not in the sense that he views and thinks like he used to before the distortion ) , but he is also not not Michael Shelley. Its is so... cool because that makes me wonder how much I can push the narrative that Michael the distortion shows his original feelings, from Michael Shelley.

I wanna throw in that I also believe he " pulled away " due to his anger , like mentioned , because his feelings got out. Michael Shelley was coming trough more and more because if the Unknowing failed or was brought about more due to Jon , he would in fact want to kill him not because of anything personal but because that would make his own sacrifice, Gertrude betraying him to stop the spiral ritual, go to waste. If he did everything , trusted Gertrude to sacrifice himself and stop the end of the world, he surely won't let this " stupid Archivist " mess the whole thing up and bring up the Unknowing. Neither the Eye ritual. It makes sense that he wouldn't want anything to happen when he, formerly Michael shelley sacrificed it all for the world not to go to shit.

The spiral didn't want it so but the spiral seems so... whatever about any decision that it feels like if the Spiral had no avatar to act trough. It would just not even care about anyone or any other ritual in general. So whatever Michael did , was because of his own feelings I feel like.

It's all just so interesting and my thoughts are a mess, do not make sense and are all jumbled up but I understand this now and it makes me so giddy about the way it's written. I love Michael and I love the distortion concept and in all I just adore it all.

It truly proves me that I'll have to relistem to TMA once I'm done again as there is so muxh to uncover and understand yet again once you've grasped the main concept of what is happening and who is involved in what.

I forgot to mention I first thought when I listened that when Michael looked upon the spiral , he did go mad but listening again, I realised that the way he describes it, he didn't go mad, he did however feel like it, because whatever he was looking at, didn't make sense and it was impossible to be happening. And it's such a cool detail. To feel like you're going mad but in fact you aren't even though you're seeing something it shouldn't be possible, alas its all somehow happening and very much currently real.

Poor Michael Shelley was still so scared and panicking... yet he trusted Gertrude.

I am not sure if I wanna believe that Gertrude had a plan but it didn't work and pushing Michael into it was her plan B.... or that Michael actually was really good and Gertrude trusted in him enough because he did what he was told ( and not as discardable and useless as he calls himself ) to actually let him be involved in the ritual. Idk whats worse. But I feel like if Gertrude thought Michael was useless and would fuck up the plan, she wouldn't have trusted him to go into the corridors to find the heart of the spiral and stop it.

Either way, when they made their way up there, she made up her mind to Sacrifice him to save the world and for that I cannot forgive her regardless of what the circumstances were. It is true by the time they were there she had probably no choice and it was a similar resort tactic as to what happened w Jon and Tim with the Unknowing, yet still-

- SPOILER FOR THE UNKNOWING RITUAL -

I feel like... Tim sacrificed himself willingly, he wanted to destroy the Unknowing for the stranger took his brother. Tim did it knowing he will go there and might die, while Jon didn't want him to die, Jon never pushed Tim to Sacrifice himself. While Gertrude... She knew and made up her mind to lie and conceal what she was gonna do to Michael , then pushed Michael to Sacrifice himself into the spiral when there was no going back.

Imagine being told on the spot the world will end and no matter if u want or not, you are manipulated into being pushed to save it, to go in, at the edge when it's happening and you have practically no choice.

Honestly horrible.

Good writing, amazing writing, but god do I hate Gertrude for that. Maybe she thought Michael would say no if she told him , but if she got far enough to get the map that leads to the heart of spiral I feel like there were diffrent ways to stop it or it was in her power to do smth. But she chose the " best option " with " least sacrifices " and something that she thought was prolly more logical and less emotional of a choice , a cold calculated choice of a chess piece. Yet... I like to believe there was a diffrent way.

Maybe she trusted Michael enough to know if she gives him the map and tell him to go in, that he will actually follow trough to the map and plan because he trusted everything Gertrude said , opposed to a random person who wouldn't be able to, or would not do it.

And I assume she didn't do it herself because she knew she couldn't. Because there were other rituals she wanted to stop and couldn't sacrifice herself for it.

Idk.

But damn .... just damn.

Random extra:

In addition , after listening to 101 , I want to draw the landscape, the happening of the spiral ritual when Gertrude and Michael found it as I have a specific look of it in my head but I'm so bad at landscapes and background xd

We will see...

Ramble ended. That's what I had to say , really.

#tma spoilers #the magnus archives spoilers #my own thoughts #my ramble #michael distortion #michael shelley #gertrude robinson #the spiral #spoiler #spoilers #michael shelley spoiler #distortion spoilers #kaoticshiba

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i-am-neutral-on-pear-aib · 1 year

Text

The entire scene with Pitchfork in AIB 5 may have been brief, but the glimpse it gives us into her and her psyche is wonderfully done and I NEED to talk about it.

(essay under the cut, aib spoilers)

(just a quick disclaimer, I apologize if any of my writing is incoherent or biased. Pitchfork is a comfort character of mine and I've been doing quite poorly mental health wise. Nevertheless I do hope you enjoy this essay! Writing about characters brings me a lot of comfort and I'm glad I've got to share it through this little Pear blog :])

From what I've seen when looking across the AIB fandom, there's a large split in-between opinions on characters like Glowstick and Pitchfork. Unfortunately and unsurprisingly, I find that the majority of viewers on the younger side of the audience seem to dislike "mean" characters without really getting to know them all too well. One of AIB's major assets is the idea that no-one is truly black or white, despite whatever your opinion on them may be. Characters like Alef, Pear, and Pitchfork are characters that you feel like you already have an understanding of when you first meet them, but as the episodes progress you begin to see more complex sides to them, seeing how they truly are the more that you get to know them. One wonderful example of this is in the latest episode (at least of writing this) AIB 5, where we get a quick scene of Pitchfork on her own, ranting to a plush of Glowstick.

At this point in the story, Domino has pretty much taken the leadership role of Team 5, and Pitchfork has been on her own for...canonically days, in fact. They've already made themselves clear that they want nothing to do with Pitchfork anymore, not after she broke the claw machine in AIB 3 during a fit of overwhelming anger. It's almost ironic (and probably purposefully done) how as soon as Bone starts to rise among the ranks in his team, Pitchfork falls out of favor with hers, and is now being treated exactly how Bone was before. She has no-one, not that she's aware of, and so what does she do?

She goes to the only person she knew cared about her.

One of the important themes in dissecting how Pitchfork talks to herself and the Glowstick plush itself vs her actions and what she does, and how they seem to actively contradict each other as she continues. I don't necessarily believe that Pitchfork actually cares about Glowstick- considering that would (in my opinion) be a huge botch of her character and arc, but the act of even getting the Glowstick plush in the first place to talk to shows that Pitchfork is...getting lonely. Although she would adamantly try to say otherwise. She has literally no-one else to talk to! And even when she does talk to this plush she tries to convince herself that she doesn't need to, doesn't want to! Even when she actively betrays with her actions what she's trying to build up as this "I don't need anyone" attitude, she's still trying to convince herself more than anyone else.

There would be absolutely no reason for her to even do this in the first place if she was telling the truth to herself, and her internal struggle with her guilty conscience quite literally manifests itself later in the physical form of all her internal conflict.

Another thing to note here is that Pitchfork is right about one thing: it isn't her fault that Glowstick was eliminated. Although her way of letting down Glowstick was about as gentle as 28 consecutive stab wounds in the chest, she had every right to be that rude when Glowstick was continually harassing her, and she shouldn't be to blame for Team 1 failing and losing a member. No means no, and the fact that Pitchfork had to be even blunter than "I DON'T LIKE YOU" (from AIB 1) in order to get it to set in is a fault on Glowstick more than anything. Despite this, Pitchfork is beginning to feel some form of guilt for just how harshly she's treated people, even though her actions towards Glowstick were justified.

Apologies if I once again sound like a broken record, but what this entire scene seems to be doing is hammering home that her own justifications are falling apart. Having to try and reassure herself that "none of it is her fault" despite her thoughts leading elsewhere...and back to Glowstick, who's kind of becoming a symbol of when everything fell apart. I don't believe that Pitchfork was 100% at fault during the AIB 3 fight, as one of AIB's wonderful strengths is that no-one is truly in the right and wrong. In fact I'd say that a lot of the team did unfairly gang up on her when she seemed to genuinely forget about the operating rules (Also Creamy blaming her for Chip Bag's death still makes absolutely no sense to me). Nevertheless, she tries to bury herself in denial, but it seems to be leaving her frustrated more than anything. Why can't she just say and believe that it's all their fault? Why does she keep thinking about Glowstick, the only person who seemed to ever care, when she keeps saying she doesn't need anyone?

OH I need to stop myself from just aggressively keysmashing here I have SO many emotions about this scene OH MY GOD I AM SHAKING AS I TYPE THIS HOLY SHIT I AM SO SORRY

The fact that this entire scene is Pitchfork's own mind, personified through the physical manifestation of her own internal conflict, means that this entire thing is her mind battling against itself. My interpretation of this conflict is Pitchfork's battle of "I did nothing wrong" versus "I did/do everything wrong". Both sides of which have their own flaws attached to them, but they're both portrayed in a realistic manner. It's a common thing for many of us to be unable to realize that accepting that you did something wrong doesn't make you a horrible person. Pitchfork is starting to realize that the things she may have done may have been wrong, and that she can't blame her team (that she DOES feel regret for) for everything that happened. But at the same time, that regret begins to pour over into the other extreme which manifests into Glowstick, harshly jabbing at her almost in the same blunt way that she had acted before.

I find it interesting that throughout the hallucination scene, Glowstick's hallucination seemed to go between first-person and third-person when referring to Glowstick himself, and usually seems to go with whatever will hurt Pitchfork the most. From "Poor Glowstick's heart" to later "That's what I loved about you", Pitchfork's mind is not being kind to her right now, and it goes from bitter truths at best to practically self loathing at worst.

Another thing about this scene specifically is that it confirms to me that Pitchfork really does care about her teammates. She wants to be a good leader for them, and the fact that it was mentioned with everything else tends to prove it for me. Even if she can't seem to trust them to pull their own weight sometimes, she wants to be a trusted leader. And the fact that she can't do that is causing her enough internal anguish for "Glowstick" to mention it. She regrets her outbursts of anger and the destruction they cause, she doesn't mean to break anything. And yet she does, and the almost powerless feeling when you feel like you break whatever you touch is something that I know from a personal experience.

Pitchfork couldn't get herself to look at the votes back in AIB 4. She wanted to believe that Pear got the most votes, that it wasn't her fault that they lost the game. But this scene right here really shows that everything that "Glowstick" is saying is things Pitchfork already knew, but didn't want to believe. She already felt guilty, but wanted to pretend she didn't. Because if she didn't, it wouldn't hurt her as much that her team no longer wanted her, right?

As much as Pitchfork wants to block it out, she can't anymore. Not when her thoughts that she pushed to the back of her mind had finally spilled out, represented by the symbol of her conflict itself. She...really does have nothing. I mean, she was talking to a plush of the person she hates, for crying out loud. And once again, whenever Pitchfork gets into a stressful situation, she lashes out with anger and attacks the Glowstick plushie, effectively ending the hallucination. But that doesn't mean what happened won't have an effect on her, and we can only see what happens with her character as more episodes release.

And I find it awfully interesting how they hint at someone else watching it all unfold.

#it's 1am as i publish this...i hope this makes sense #animated inanimate battle #aib #pitchfork aib #SECOND ESSAY PUBLISHED!! WOOHOOOOO *passes out on my desk*#Sorry that this isn't pear related i just needed to get this out there #i will write more essays i prommy

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