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lovrspell · 2 months

Text

First time

Pairing: Astarion x Gn!Reader.

Summary: a little throwback to when Astarion received aftercare for the very first time — from you.

Warnings: Fluff. Suggestive. Mentions of abuse/trauma. Inability to manage displays of affection. Vampire bite. Blood sucking. Aftercare.

Word count: 2,3k

Masterlist.

Looking back in time and examining your relationship with Astarion now and several months ago, you realize how much progress you have made together. Astarion, especially.

Now, he trusts, loves, and cherishes you effortlessly, finding comfort in the familiarity of your presence. Your intimate moments are a source of joy, marked by the tenderness of your comforting kisses and caresses. He's accustomed to it all.

But... Before, things were different.

Sometimes you recall the times when he shamelessly hit on you, and you're surprised that you deluded yourself that it was real interest, at least in the beginning — he used it as a defense mechanism, it was something rooted in him.

As for your first night together, it was... Well, it was definitely memorable.

———

“...Are you okay?" you asked, still out of breath from the passion you two just shared. The air in the tent was humid — you had quite the experience.

He turns to you, that usual smirk of his playing on his lips. “W-.. A-ha! Why wouldn't I be okay? I could finally taste you. Of course I'm okay.”

You gave a slight nod, lying down again. Astarion had already sat up, and in that position you could capture even the smallest details of that huge scar on his back you noticed earlier while you undressed him — but you didn't dare to ask about it yet.

In a brief spell of silence, you found yourself teetering between the realms of dreams and reality. The tranquility was interrupted by the sound of a forced cough. Abruptly, your eyes opened to the sight of Astarion staring down at you, fully clothed, wearing a somewhat snarky expression.

He looked anxious. Not his usual self, for sure.

In your half-asleep state, seeing him like that worried you. Were you talking in your sleep, by any chance? Were you drooling?

“What's— What's wrong?”

He raised an eyebrow, shifting his weight from hip to hip.

“It's kind of late, darling.” his tone had something almost impatient about it.

“I guess it is.”

Poor, oblivious you.

In that moment, you witnessed such confusion in him that it made you blink a few times; you couldn't wrap your head on where he was trying to go with that.

Parallelly, he couldn't understand you. Usually he offered his body, the other person took advantage of it and then… They left. But you? You were still there. And you hadn't even bothered to get dressed.

It was natural finding it a bit peculiar to see you still in his tent several moments after your climax. Was there a silent invitation for another round lingering in the air? Was he supposed to read between the lines?

A few moments of silence lingered as he gazed at you, perplexed. You returned the same gaze until a subtle shift in your expression hinted a realization –

Perhaps he sought some personal space.

Feeling a tinge of embarrassment, you blushed, not wanting to come across as intrusive.

“You want me to go?”

He's lost in his thoughts and, very unlikely of him, at a loss of words, apparently. It seems like his brain was trying to process too many informations at the same time, resulting in him going silent.

But you, at the time, as accustomed as you were and still are to gentle kissing and lingering caresses after the thrills of sex, recognized his behavior as annoyance towards your presence; therefore feeling unwanted you took it personally. Still, you didn't want to be on his tail.

“...Alright.”

You began to gather your clothes rather quickly, which were scattered here and there around the tent. As you absentmindedly buttoned your shirt, his gaze was fixed on you.

“See you tomorrow, Astarion. Thank you for... This. Good night.”

The fact that you thanked him for having sex with you baffled him enough, but never as much as the little kiss you planted on his cheek before leaving his tent. Simple and tender.

The tent flap swayed back and forth gracefully, following the lead of the gentle wind on a quiet night. His gaze lingered on the space where you had just been, right in front of him.

What was that?

He tried to think clearly.

During this shared night, he found no compulsion to wander far, to delve into the empty, dark yet strangely comforting realm he usually retreats to in moments like these — while to no one's surprise he effortlessly entered that familiar mental space without conscious effort.

He had sex with you because he knew no other way to gain your trust and protection. That looming, self-loathing sensation is still there, clawing under his skin and nibbling at his self respect with a trillion sharp teeth — but that kiss... That simple kiss on the cheek made him feel something he can't quite define. It's new and scary.

He wondered if it was really necessary to do all this to have your support in this journey.

He was too accustomed to the life he led under Cazador's command — seducing to survive. You're the first person he's willingly had sex with since escaping Cazador and he wasn't even fully into it; the thought upsets him.

Perhaps he's overthinking a simple kiss on the cheek.

But was it that simple?

The thoughts reached a deafening crescendo, and, as if emerging from a dream, he blinked several times and looked around, dazed. He needed to rest.

———

It's been a while since your sexual encounter. Astarion has not failed to make some teasing remarks about it every now and then, alluding to a second chance to indulge in each other again.

That second opportunity occurred, but several days after the first. It happened when you told him that he could feed on you that night and agreed that you would meet at your tent.

Astarion came to visit you late in the evening, when almost everyone had already retired to their tents. He found you reading a book, lying on your stomach.

“Hello, darling.” he greets you, his voice a sound that wakes you from your trance from the huge book you were absorbed into.

“Hi,” you reply distractedly, turning quickly towards him and taking the opportunity to stretch. You pushed the book aside, closing it.

It seemed that over the course of the day you had forgotten that you had proposed him to feed on you — the look of surprise on your face that dissolved rather quickly gave it away. You were visibly tired, he noticed. However, as soon as your eyes met his, you offered a gentle, sheepish smile — the kind reserved for moments when words become wearisome.

Allowing him to feed on you even when it seemed that all you wanted to do was rest stirred a semblance of life in his chest.

You sat up, adjusting comfortably. “I’m ready.” you informed him, moving the fabric of your clothing away from your neck to expose it to him.

Astarion stared at you, and for a moment he didn't say or do anything. He wanted to do something different this time, not just bite you, suck your blood, and then return to his tent. No, he wanted to try something new.

Instead of bringing his mouth to your neck, he brought it to your lips. He kissed you slowly, introducing his tongue in your mouth tentatively — but when he felt the natural tension vanish from your body, he brought his hands to your waist and deepened the kiss.

Astarion felt you melt in his arms, remembering how you had let yourself go the same way a few nights before.

Your hands came up to rest on his shoulders; Astarion leaned towards you until you were laying down. His lips separated from yours with a pop and only then did he place them on your neck. But even there, before sinking his sharp fangs into your skin, he planted a few kisses here and there.

He persisted, leaving a trail of kisses that moistened your neck. His lips traced a path to a point just under your ear, where he planted an open-mouthed kiss. Suddenly, you experienced a sharp, dull pain spreading rapidly in that spot. You hissed, clutching his shirt tightly and exhaling sharply; you heard a soft hum coming from him as he immediately began swallowing mouthfuls of your warm, succulent blood.

That little kissing ritual was to thank you, in a way. You were and have always been available to him, despite his bad temper and grumpy tendencies.

As he fed, the movement of one of your hands moving from his shoulders distracted him.

Next, he felt the touch of a gentle hand running through his hair.

He was so focused on sucking your blood that he didn't even notice for the first few seconds. Accordingly, he felt the distinct touch of your warm hand move across his cheek and cupping it.

What are you doing?

Your tender touch left him puzzled. Akin to a feather's caress, it cradled him in a way that stirred a desire more profound than any teasing or vulgar contact could evoke.

You felt him grunt against you, the guttural sound vibrating through your being.

Those touches reminded him of that kiss you had printed on his cheek after your night together; his stomach twisted in contrasting sensations.

He pulled away from you after a few seconds, but your caresses didn't stop. Your blood dripped from the corner of his mouth, his hair disheveled as a result of your fingers combing through his curls.

“What's up?” you asked, trying not to giggle at the fact that he looked like he had just woke up. You reached an hand in his hair to fix some wild curls back in their place.

He didn't answer at first, but then he shrugged slightly.

“Nothing.” he muttered softly, his body moving in your direction almost without his control. He was experiencing new things within himself, things he had never felt before.

A desire. A genuine desire, nothing that had to do with that of a few evenings prior. Despite his less-than-noble intentions previously, he openly acknowledges being drawn to you. However, unlike before when intimacy served a strategic purpose, this time things are different.

He craves you spontaneously, yielding to the impulse of the moment. While leaning in for a passionate, bloody kiss on your lips, he pledges not to flee from this moment or from you. No mental refuge exists now, just two bodies entwined and two souls merging into one another.

The tenderness of that kiss amazed you.

You feel his arms wrap around your waist to lift you up in his lap, kisses trailing down your neck to suck briefly on the holes he left in it.

One thing led to another and a few minutes later, you were both naked and nestled into each other.

Astarion was thrusting his hips into you breathlessly, continuing just to try drawing another orgasm out of your guts before you pull apart. This has been going on for a while now; he has absolutely drained you. In every way.

You had noticed a certain vigor in him, which was not given solely and exclusively by the fact that he had just made an excellent reserve of blood. He felt alive, present, current. He was there with you, made a puddle in your arms while you cradled each other through your collective ecstasy.

If the first time his gaze seemed empty and absent, often far from yours, now it was bright and lively, never too distant from your own. It was impossible not to notice the difference.

When the rush of pleasure died down, he pulled away from you slowly, almost reluctantly. He came down from above you to lie next to your body; both sweaty and out of breath, you remained silent for several minutes.

You anticipated for him to leave as soon as possible, given the discomfort he displayed that evening when you prolonged your stay just a bit, expecting to spend some time together after your sexual activity.

But he remained there, next to you, his expression thoughtful but relaxed. You assumed he didn't want to leave just yet.

However, just as that pleasant, inviting thought etched itself into your beliefs, he sat up and reached for his undergarments dispersed around the tent.

You frowned, sitting up and reaching for his arm without even thinking twice.

“Wait, wait... Why don't you stay?”

You didn't fail to catch him off guard this time, too. Your voice had such a sweet, pleading edge to it.

“We can talk, we can... We can even just be silent together. Do you want to?”

He guessed it couldn't hurt to try.

He lay down again, putting his clothes aside. He saw you smile from the corner of his eye as you did the same, this time lying on your side.

One of your hands carefully came up to caress his chest tentatively. The tips of your nails scratched his skin deliciously, sending shivers down his spine. His eyes fluttered and he looked up at you; he was confused, disorientated.

“What are you doing?”

“Do you not like it?”

“...I do.”

“Then just enjoy it.”

He followed your advice.

In that instant, he embodied a certain beauty that surpassed his usual charm. Surrendering to your soothing enfolds, he reached a blissful state, breaking down every wall and baring his soul to you. Every muscle in his body eased into relaxation. He scoots closer until he's basically all curled up in your arms, melting against your comforting heat.

That night, he shared a peaceful slumber with you, and to this day, he never ceases to express his profound gratitude for the invaluable gift of your love.

You made his dead heart start beating again.

#astarion #astarion bg3 #astarion x reader #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #astarion x tav #astarion x gender neutral reader #astarion x gn reader #astarion x gn!tav #astarion fluff #astarion fic #astarion fanfic #astarion x fem reader #astarion x male tav #astarion x male reader

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olivianyx · 4 months

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OMGG I JUST GOT RESULTS WITHOUT BEATING MYSELF UP WITH ROUTINES 😭 + RANT ✨

HEYY LUVS! I JUST WANNA SHARE MY RESULTS I MANIFESTED WITHIN 2-3 DAYS! THIS YEAR'S GONNA BE MY BEST YEAR Y'ALL ✋AND GUESS WHAT I DID? NOTHING. LITERALLY NOTHING. NUH-UH. PERIODT.

⚠ LONG POST AHEAD, SWEARING ⚠

WHAT I MANIFESTED:

🪄 PASSING MY FRESHMAN YEAR WITH HIGH SCORES

🪄 MY FAMILY BOUGHT A NEW APARTMENT WHICH WERE PREPARING TO MOVE IN 3 WEEKS

🪄 ME GETTING INTO THE VOID STATE 😭 AND MANIFESTED CLEAR SKIN! (DAYUM GETTING INTO THE VOID IS DEFO VERY EASY OMGG)

🪄 GETTING LESS ANXIOUS LATELY!

🪄 MY GASTRITIS AND ULCERITIS GETTING CURED

🪄 GETTING MORE COMPLIMENTS IN MY UNI!

🪄 GETTING TALLER! I WENT FROM 5'3" TO 5'7" IN 2 DAYS 😭😭

🪄 GETTING DREAMS OF ME SHIFTING TO MY WR 🥺 (ACTUALLY RESPAWNING LOL, AS THIS THING IS REALLY CONTROVERSIAL IN HERE, PLEASE DON'T GET ME CANCELLED- I'M DOING DEATHLESS RESPAWNING ✋)

🪄 MY MIND IS SURPRISINGLY CALM 😌 THERE'S STILL INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS THO (THOSE ARE ANNOYING ASS BITCHES) BUT I JUST IGNORE EM LIKE I IGNORE PEOPLE AT SCHOOL 🗿

🪄 GOT MANY CONFESSIONS TOO 😭 AND I REJECTED EM ALL, CUS I JUST WANT TO BE SINGLE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE ✋🗿 JK

🪄 GETTING COOL CLOTHES THAT MY MOM DENIED A LOTTA TIMES! (ACTUALLY I'VE ORDERED EM BUT STILL HAVEN'T SHIPPED TO MY ADDRESS YET LOL)

🪄 MY CRUSH BECOMING CLOSE TO ME HEHE 🤭 LIKE SHE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ME MUCH, BUT LATELY SHE'S BEEN TOO CLOSE TO ME AND ALWAYS WANNA BE WITH ME LOL, 3 DAYS BACK SHE AND I WALKED HOME TOGETHER, WHILE WE GRABBED SOME SNACKS, SPOKE ABT EACH OTHER AND ALL (I FELT LIKE BEING IN A SHOUJO MANGA 😩)

🪄 A NEW PHONE! THAT SAMSUNG GALAXY S22 😩

I MANIFESTED EVERYTHING WITHIN 3 DAYS 😭 I REALLY CAN'T BELIEVE MY EYES, JUST. 3. FUCKING. DAYS. GODDAMMIT.

HOW I DID IT:

JUST FULFILLED IT IN MY IMAGINATION

YEP, YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT. I LIVED IN THE 4D REALITY, I NEVER GAVE A SHIT ABOUT THE 3D AT ALL. OK LEMME BREAK IT DOWN FOR Y'ALL SO JUST PAY ATTENTION FROM HERE ONWARDS.

🪄 SUPPOSE SOMETHING UNDESIRABLE OR UNFAVORABLE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE HAPPENING IN YOUR 3D. WHO'S THE CAUSE FOR THAT? YOU. 'BUT I DIDN'T IMAGINE OR THINK OF THESE 😭' BABY, YOU'RE THE SOLE CAUSE, EFFECT, AND THE SOLUTION. THERE'S NO OTHER EXPLANATION TO THIS.

🪄 AS WE ALL KNOW, 3D IS A MIRROR. RIGHT? WHATEVER YOU THINK ABOUT, YOUR ASSUMPTIONS, YOUR THOUGHTS, YOUR FEELINGS, YOUR PERSPECTIVE EVERYTHING WILL BE REFLECTED. SO WHY NOT THINK THE WAY YOU WANT SO YOU CAN EXPERIENCE THE SAME? GET IT.

🪄 IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE THE 3D, CHANGE YOUR 4D FIRST. CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE TO HOW YOUR DESIRED SELF WOULD SEE THE WORLD. KEEP DWELLING IN IT. IF THE 3D SHOWS UNFAVORABLE CIRCUMSTANCES, DON'T FUCKING GET TRIGGERED. GO BACK TO YOUR IMAGINATION AND DENY YOUR SENSES.

🪄 EVERYTIME YOU SEE SOMETHING ELSE IN THE 3D, GO 'BRUHH THIS IS MY OLD STORY, I ALREADY HAVE WHAT I WANT, THIS IS JUST FAKE' AND MOVE ON. DISTRACT YOURSELF. CUS THE 3D WORLD WHICH YOU SEE IS AN ILLUSION, IT'S NOT REAL. IT'S YOUR CREATION, WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO CONTROL WHAT YOU CREATED? IT'S ALREADY IN CONTROL. YOU ONLY GOTTA REALISE YOUR GODSELF. YOU ARE THE CREATOR, NOT THE CREATION. STOP FUCKING VICTIMIZING YOURSELF.

🪄 I GET IT THAT MOST OF THE PEOPLE ARE CONFUSED BETWEEN LAW OF ASSUMPTION AND NON DUALISM. EVEN I WAS, BUT SLOWLY I REALISED THAT WE'RE ALL NOTHING. WE'RE JUST LIVING IN OUR OWN CREATIONS. VICTIMIZING OURSELVES IN OUR OWN CREATIONS. IRONIC RIGHT?

🪄 THOSE THOUGHTS, ANXIETY, FEELINGS, EMOTIONS ARE ALL IN YOUR PHYSICAL REALM. YOUR MIND, YOUR BODY, YOUR EGO EVERYTHING IS NO REAL, WE ASSUME IT TO BE. WE'RE ARE SHAPELESS, FORMLESS, WE'RE NOTHING! AND EVERYTHING AT THE SAME TIME. CUS EVERYTHING COMES DOWN TO ONE THING, I AM.

🪄 K Y'ALL MIGHT BE SUPER CONFUSED, WHAT I'M TRYNA INFUSE IN YOUR BRAINS. SO WHAT YOU DO IS, LIVE IN YOUR 4D.HOW? IMAGINATION. NO MATTER WHAT YOU SEE IN YOUR 3D, GO BACK TO YOUR IMAGINATION, AFFIRM OR VISUALISE. ANYTHING IS FINE BTW. JUST STAY IN THE STATE OF WISH FULFILLED.

🪄 STOP RELYING ON METHODS, FUCK THEM. JUST BE. DON'T TRY TO CHANGE SOMETHING WHEN YOU ALREADY HAVE THEM. JUST STOP, SURRENDER, STOP FIGHTING, STOP TRYING SO HARD WHEN YOUR ALREADY IT. SO GO LIVE IN YOUR IMAGINATION, FULLY SURRENDER. DO THINGS WHICH YOU LIKE. GO LIVE YOUR LIFE. TAKE YOUR POWER BACK.

LIKE AREN'T YOU TIRED? TRAPPED IN YOUR OWN CREATIONS? YOU CREATED THEM, YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE WHATEVER. TELL ME HOW LONG ARE YOU GONNA LIVE THIS BULLSHIT LIFE? YOU'RE REALLY GETTING COMFORTABLE BEING UNCOMFORTABLE. SO LISTEN UP, DO WHAT YOU LOVE, AFFIRM, VISUALISE, OR DAYDREAM, ZONE OUT, WHATEVER. ALL I DID WAS DO THIS MEDITATION IN THE MORNING, WENT ABOUT MY DAY WATCHING JUJUTSU KAISEN LMAO. THEN RANDOMLY AFFIRM, LIVED IN MY 4D, NEVER PAYED ANY FUCKING ATTENTION TO MY 3D, CUS I'M GOD. I REALLY LOVE VISUALISING, SO I PUT ON A SONG AND START DAYDREAMING IN MY ROOM SMILING LIKE AN IDIOT. ALSO, I DID SATS BEFORE GOING TO BED. THAT'S IT. THAT'S ALL I DID FOR 3 FUCKING DAYS, AND GOT WHAT EVER I WANT. ALSO I MADE A CUSTOM TAPE TOO (IT'S A GENERAL SELF CONCEPT ONE) I LISTENED TO IT FOR 30 MINS AND JUST WENT ABOUT MY DAY THINKING I HAD WHATEVER I FUCKING DESIRE, CUS IT'S ALL MY CREATIONS AND I HAVE IT ALREADY. THERE'S NOTHING TO GET, IT'S ALREADY IN ME.

LUV YOU, BYE 💋

#non dualism #law of assumption #neville goddard #reality shifting #affirmdaily #dream life #frequency #loa success #manifestations #manifestyourreality #scripting #3roe #self concept #higher self #consciousness #Spotify

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ddarker-dreams · 11 months

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Do Puppets Dream of Electric Sheep?

Yan Scaramouche x F Reader.

Warnings: Yandere themes, unhealthy relationships, mild not SFW implications. Word count: 2.1k.

“What am I to you?”

He stills. Your voice is as gentle as a mother crooning a lullaby to her newborn. Sweet, mild. Not intending to startle the sensitive creature who is unaccustomed to this world. It regurgitates memories of his progenitor. He can never clearly recall her countenance or the exact pitch of her voice, there are only formless blurs and warbled words that sounded far away.

It is a small mercy that he never made out the specifics of her face. For it allows him to envision her in whatever manner suits him best. She can be the scheming Niwa Hisahide who sought to manipulate him, the sickly child who left him behind, or the mendacious kitsune whose promises for aid went unkept. His mother is the locus of his rage that branches out and bears rotten fruit.

You cease your previous task of combing his hair from behind. Artificial heat burns his cheeks when your chest presses against his back, your arms coiling around his slender shoulders like tendrils. The hold is tight enough to almost hurt.

“Say, are you listening?” Your lips brush against his ear. He shivers. “Well, puppet?”

Furniture clatters in a cacophony of noise.

He stares at you, incredulous, his lips parting only to close again. He cycles through emotions and is unable to settle on one.

How do…? You shouldn’t know that!

You pay him no mind. You fix the victims of his outburst, setting the stool upright and straightening the vanity’s various implements. Then you sit where he sat, smoothing the wrinkles in your skirt as you do so. You face him instead of the mirror, which has cracked into three disjointed fragments.

The scene before him arouses confusion, then suspicion. His eyes eventually find their way to the mirror behind you. He barks a laugh at what he sees. The sound reverberates in the tiny room. Electro concentrates in his hands, crackling and ready to stain his surroundings crimson. He gives a malicious grin.

It reflects in the cracked mirror, whereas your form does not.

“A cheap parlor trick,” he muses. “I should’ve figured.”

You aren’t her, he thinks. And how grateful he is to realize it.

“I’m not?” You challenge, raising an eyebrow. What is this being capable of hearing his thoughts? The curve of your smile epitomizes everything you’ve never been: cruel and provocative. This ignis fatuus who dares to assume your form makes no attempt to flee from the attack writhing in his palms. “Well, I suppose there’s some truth to that. What you’re looking at now is what I am to become, not my present, corporeal self.”

He studies “you” carefully. The pigmentation of your eyes, your intonation, and your body language; it lines up uncannily well, but your word choice is peculiar. There’s a callousness begotten to those burdened by esoteric knowledge, an experience he’s intimately familiar with. This can’t be a poorly executed emulation devised by that medical charlatan excommunicated by his peers, or an experience that aligns with the continuity of Teyvat’s laws.

Is his conscious being tampered with by the gods?

“I’m afraid not. We both know that panopticon has no interest in you. No, discarded prototype, think back to your creation. When was it determined you’d be of no use to Beelzebul?”

He grits his teeth. That intrusive introspection is coming into play again. It’s as if his innermost sentiments have been printed out in large lettering for you to scrutinize.

“So you’ve finally realized, although you’re hesitant to think it. I can’t blame you, nothing good ever comes from your dreams. Since you don’t require sleep, you were able to avoid this for some time… in trying to play human with me in reality, you’ll be judged by me in the one state where you are utterly powerless.”

The energy gathering in his hand dissipates without him willing it. He tries in vain to summon it again, but the element no longer heeds his command. Clicking his tongue, he sits on the edge of the bed, then crosses his arms over his chest. He chastises himself for not noticing sooner. This room may appear to be an exact replica of the one you share, but the slightest details in its geometry betray the realm of possibility. Certain angles bend in inconceivable ways, the ceiling itself is drooping down like a viscous gel, the descent so slow, it’s near imperceptible.

Dreams, pesky as they may be, are always destined to end. He need only wait for this torment to run its course.

“If that’s the stance you’ve decided to take, why not answer my question?”

He feigns ignorance for a beat, despite knowing full well the inquiry you’re referring to. You allow him his temporary repose.

“What you are to me is a nuisance. A meaningless manifestation that I’ll forget about as soon as I wake,” he replies. How strange it is, taking this baleful tone toward an image of you. You are the sole individual he doesn’t regard with pure loathing, and as such, he treats you with a tenderness he thought himself previously incapable of. He can’t recall a time when contempt felt unnatural, like the first time he mimicked human breathing.

This veneer of nonchalance is forced and he knows it. The mirage taking on your comely likeness is seeping under his synthetic skin, spreading malaise and decay.

“Oh? That’s an awfully bold statement, but, nevertheless, let’s entertain it a while longer.”

You clap twice and the surroundings shift.

His limbs are dragged upward by an unrelenting force — red strings as formidable as piano wire. He struggles out of instinct. This futile act only serves to tighten the binds. Upon realizing this, he goes limp, noting that your presence is no longer visible.

He has an unobstructed view of the cracked mirror, its jagged edges displaying three different images.

To the left, he sees himself wearing the outfit he first awoke with, the golden feather dangling from his neck. The middlemost portion is accurate in its portrayal, unlike the others. It shows the glint of the mitsudomoe symbol upon his chest which he considers his birthright. The right fragment is nearly indiscernible, aside from hues of teal that swirl as if spurred on by the wind.

The mirror shatters.

Light footsteps circle around him. He wrenches his head in the direction of the ambient sounds, identifying no clear source.

“Even if you forget about me now, according to your designs, we’ll meet again. This “me” that’s been tainted and corrupted by your selfish intent. In trying to preserve me, you’ll be my ruin. You already know that though, don’t you? That your desperate clinging will drag us both down to unfathomable depths. It’s true, that by never letting me die, you’ll have an eternity with me…”

You materialize in front of him, standing with your hands behind your back. The casual stance is at odds with the venom you spew forth. Just as before, everything about your physical appearance is correct, save for a single, damning detail. Your eyes glow a luminescent violet — that of Inazuma’s reclusive deity, whose gnosis he intends to commandeer, even if he must tear it from her himself.

“But is that the eternity you truly wish for?”

It isn’t. Of course it isn’t.

What else was he to do?

Watch helplessly as your biological clock ticks on while the hands on his remain frozen in place? Witness your final until you breathe your last breath, then allow your husk to be buried in the cold, unfeeling ground? His is a life of apprehension. That by some cruel twist of fate, you’ll fall victim to the many pitfalls mortals are vulnerable to. Illness, injury, violence, the list goes on and on. His overactive imagination serves as a personal purgatory that churns out images of your downfall every moment he is not by your side.

Upon returning to your quaint little cottage on the outskirts of civilization, trepidation eats at him like maggots upon a corpse. If he can’t find you tending to your garden, baking in your kitchen, or lounging on the swing hanging from the old oak tree in your front yard, madness slithers at his heels, ready to pierce him with its fangs.

You may never forgive him, but he couldn’t forgive himself if he let the one thing he cherishes in this joke of a world leave him behind.

“I won't look at you the way I once did. The me who speaks your true name, spends days wondering when you’ll return from your traveling ‘job’, gladly welcomes you into her bed, granting you access to her most sacred body and soul; you will never see her again. She will exist in your memory alone.”

Your pointer finger hovers over his trembling lower lip, then descends, over his Adam’s apple and in between his collarbones.

“Having savored these pleasures once freely given, you’ll have no choice but to take them by force. You’ll defile me and insist it’s worship. Bitterness might whet your palate, but you’ll never have your fill. Can you call that love, poor puppet? Or will you rightfully refer to it as ownership?”

All verbal exchanges cease.

In this nightmare blurring the lines of what if, where he is but a spectator rather than an active participant, he laughs. It echoes in his hollow chest cavity where no fleshly heart beats. Your physiognomy goes blank in the face of such blatant malignity. He hangs here, a tossed-aside marionette, consumed by a paroxysm of emotion he once swore to wipe clean from his chest.

“If this is an attempt to appeal to my conscience, it won’t work,” his grin nearly splits his face in two. “Harass me every night, for all I care. I’ll accept it. I’ll accept anything. Every form of you… every possible iteration, no matter how unsightly, beautiful, indifferent, or anything in between, I want it. There isn’t a version of you that can deter me. The real you offered herself to me for a lifetime — who am I to turn down such an alluring offer?”

You pull away from him.

The absence of your touch is worse than any physical torture you could inflict. He’ll take your loving caresses, your hand ripping into his chest, so long as he can familiarize himself with your genuine warmth. Such is the resolve of a puppet who has endured the biting blizzard of loneliness. Destroy him and he’d rebuild. Ignore him and he’ll pry the words from your mouth. Attempt to leave him and he’ll ensnare you in a trap that neither of you can escape from.

This advocate for your future is washed away in a sea of ink, black as night, untouchable and ever-present as a shadow. The cascading wave swallows you whole.

You depart with a final threnody.

“Until we meet again, then.”

…

Something brushes over his cheek.

“... Kuni? Kunikuzushi? Ah, what do I do, you aren’t waking up…! Insults? Do I try insults? Uh, you’re of less than average height—”

“Quiet down, woman, you’re loud,” Scaramouche complains with a groan.

You’re hovering above him. It’s a heavenly sight — if he were a believer in such things — the upturning of your eyebrows, the flow of your hair tousled by interrupted sleep, and the temptation of your soft, parted lips. Warmth emanates from your body. He delights in it. Swears a silent oath to himself that he’ll never be without it.

“The insult worked,” you whisper, content with your quick thinking. Then, remembering the situation, you’re back to fussing over him. “Are you okay? You must’ve been having an awful nightmare.”

His lips form a thin line. “... Something like that.”

“What was it about?”

“You,” he forces an unperturbed tone. Although he’s still hazy from sleep, he’s used to bending the truth. Or in this case, covering the parts he doesn’t want you to see. “I have to deal with you in the realm of conscious and unconscious now. Terrifying, right?”

The sarcasm successfully draws your attention elsewhere.

“Absolutely. So terrifying, in fact, I better sleep elsewhere so as not to frighten my— oof!”

“Oh no you don’t,” he pulls you against his chest, preemptively ending your getaway, “You’re not going anywhere.”

You willingly collapse into his hold, laughing softly. Though you’re no longer trying to wriggle away, his grip is ironclad, his arms trembling. He interweaves himself into you with a tangle of limbs. Once he’s content, he presses his face against the thrumming pulse in your neck. This stream that maintains your life is temporary — a subpar placeholder until you’re imbued with immortality. Still, he cherishes it, this special rhythm that has sustained you long enough for your paths to interconnect.

He gives your pulse a chaste, reverent kiss.

Your paths are bound to never diverge, even if damnation is where they'll lead.

#scaramouche x reader #yandere scaramouhe x reader #yandere x reader #yandere #genshin x reader #yandere genshin impact x reader #yandere kunikuzushi x reader #my stuff

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fr0gc4t · 10 months

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i literally just proved to myself that i finally understand non-dualism. back when i didn’t understand it well i would always be aware of abt my “hard circumstances” (quotations bc they’re not real) and panic/have intrusive thoughts when stuff “happened”, and think “when is it gonna materialize” and stuff like that.

but just a few minutes ago i found out abt a new “circumstance” that would have made me panic and doubt everything if it had happened even yesterday

just before i found out abt this new “circumstance” i read @msperfect777 ‘s “understanding non-dualism” series which helped me a lot with truly grasping what i rly am

anyways when i found out abt the thing just now, i didn’t panic at all. i didn’t react to the “3d”. i didn’t rly even think any thoughts. rather, i just KNEW that it wasn’t real. i knew that consciousness (aka me) is the only thing that exists so the “3d” doesn’t even matter, bc i only care abt imagination. and in imagination, i already “have” my “desires”.

like i said, this didn’t even come in the form of a thought. i was simply aware of it. i did it w/o having a limiting/negative thought beforehand that i needed to fight with a new thought. bc i was AWARE of it w/o needing to think.

a question i had abt non-dualism after reading ms. perfect’s posts was “how can i tell myself not to worry abt the nonexistent “physical world” w/o thinking?” bc i don’t have much experience with being conscious of my consciousness and i have yet to observe how a lot of it works, and i mean, i think i just answered my own question. when u truly understand non-dualism, YOU DON’T HAVE TO CONVINCE YOURSELF OF ANYTHING. YOU DON’T HAVE TO THINK IT TO BELIEVE IT. “convincing urself” and “thinking” r not real, and when u start to realize what u actually r, u just know instinctually that u don’t have to worry.

i also have always been kinda confused abt the “there is nothing to manifest” part, bc i didn’t think fulfilling myself in imagination would be effective since constant reminders of my “3d” were all around me and would distract me/knock me down. but i get it now! when u truly understand what u rly r, YOU DON’T EVEN CARE ABT THE “PHYSICAL WORLD” BC YOU TRULY SEE HOW IT IS NOT REAL!! so ur “circumstances” DON’T EVEN MATTER to u, that’s how u can fulfill urself in imagination w/o getting distracted by the “3d”!

thank u sm @msperfect777 , u rly helped me and i’m so grateful for u aaaaaa <3

#archive ໒꒱ ⋆ﾟ⊹#dree.txt #non dualism #non duality #advaita #advaita vedanta #spiritualawakening #law of consciousness #spirituality #spiritual growth #manifestation

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gay-dorito-dust · 1 year

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Adam had never known someone to have unwavering patience like you had.

No question or inquiry Adam had was deemed too absurd nor too dumb for you to answer whilst also giving him the room for him to come up with his own verdicts based on his personal experiences.

However there was something that still eludes the seemingly perfect being and that happened to be the emotions he felt within your presence that only seemed to linger long after you were out of his sight; Which in due to his need to look out and protect you from practically everything he deemed a threat, was almost nigh impossible.

Adam wasn’t exactly certain what they meant in the grander scheme of things but in those moment where it’s just you and him, he couldn’t help but put all his focus on how you made him feel and it was confusing in the most beautiful way. You took up a majority of his thoughts that throughout the day Adam would wonder what you were doing, where you were and if you were okay, if you were with anyone and finally Adam would wonder if there was a slight possibility that you were thinking about him also.

Sure, it may sound childish of him to wish that you were, but to Adam it would only further prove that you may be fated to one another. The thought of that being the case brought a weird warm sensation that of which spread throughout his body as he rested his hand against his chest, while he looked down at it with the expression of a confused child; Adam was in dire need of your wisdom but unfortunately by the time he came to you for it, you were more then just about ready to hit the hay.

‘Y/n, I apologise for the intrusion but I have an serious matter I wish to discuss with you that can not wait, if you’ll be so kind as to hear me out.’ You sighed, really wanting nothing more then to go to sleep but but considering the look upon his handsome face, you made an exception. You sat on the edge of your bed, gesturing him to take a seat beside you, which Adam did post haste, remembering to leave some room between you both. ‘What’s up Adam, what did you want to discuss?’ You asked.

‘How do you know when you feel something so strongly for someone that they just take over your every thought and what is is called because I’ve been feeling this way for a while now and I’m at a loss as to what to make of it all.’ Adam says, looking at you expectedly like he always did; He was always one to value knowledge above all things, seeing as he was already quite powerful. Yet you couldn’t help but wonder whether or not you had something to do with these feelings he’s been feeling so strongly lately; Considering you were practically the only person he’s been within the company of, to the point where it has became a running gag amongst your friends that where’d you went, Adam wasn’t too far behind like a lost duckling.

‘What is it that you feel Adam, is it a good feeling or a bad feeling that you have about this person?’ You asked.

‘They’re on my mind as though my mind was built with the sole purpose of thinking of them and only them,’ Adam begins but as he does so, a smile stretched across his lips as a soft expression permeates his face. ‘From the light of the morning to nightfall, I’m wondering where they are, worried if they were in need of me but I just can’t hear them, can’t be there with them when they need me most, and mostly…I wonder if they think about me as much as I think about them because they are very special to me…so much so that I couldn’t fathom existing without them.’ Adam finishes before placing his hand over your own. ‘You are very special to me y/n. You’re the one I think about.’

Having already expected this being the case, you still were somehow taken aback but that was short lived compared to the overwhelming relief that your feelings weren’t as one sided as you assumed. You smiled softly at Adam before intertwining your fingers with his, grasping into him tightly, as though afraid of letting him go now that you got him. ‘You’re feeling love Adam.’ You explained. ‘And love is the most powerful, most important feeling you could ever feel because it comes in all forms, all of which are just as equally powerful as the last. It’s an all consuming feeling that can make one act upon irrational but sometimes acting upon that irrationality does one good but at the end of the day, love is a power that has yet to meet it’s match.’ You finalised, hoping to have gotten the point across clear enough for him to understand.

Adam made a face and sat in silence for a few minutes and once those minutes were up, the smile and soft expression came back as he once again looked at you as though he could see all of you. ‘Does this feeling mean that I am in love with you?’ He asks. ‘And do you feel the same way?’ He adds on almost hopefully that you couldn’t help but chuckle before leaning in to press an innocent kiss to his golden cheek. ‘Was that enough confirmation?’ You inquired as you watched Adam blink twice as he raised a hand to touch the cheek you just kissed.

‘It’s more then enough.’ He tells you. ‘Thank you.’

#adam warlock x reader #adam warlock x you #Adam warlock imagine #Adam warlock imagines #mcu x y/n #mcu imagine #mcu fic #mcu x reader #mcu imagines #mcu x you #marvel fic #marvel x reader #marvel imagine #marvel x you #marvel imagines #marvel fanfic

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myun-saidthoughts · 9 months

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8TH House Synastry VS 12TH House Synastry

(More Info In my eBook)

The main difference between the 8th and 12th house is that with 12th house synastry, it may be hard for one another to fully know where they truly stand with each other, and the planet person (or the one who has more Pisces/Neptune/12th house influence) might create false narratives or fixate on the desire of saving the house person, and the house person may not know how to respond or won't know how to really articulate how the planet person makes them feel; especially if they feel uncomfortable within their own mind/spiritual self.

12TH House

With this synastry, it's likely that the planet person will constantly question and imagine the relationship. It is blurry and somehow the energy between the two of them becomes boundless and confusion can erupt. Both can experience showing up in each others dreams, both can overpower each others thoughts, and they both might find themselves sitting in unexplainable synchronicities that tie themselves to one another.

(Allowing and accepting this energy is the only culprit for deep mutual spiritual occurrences to happen, both parties have to want one another on some level; if not, unrequited love can occur, where one person is emotionally unavailable or distant and the other person has this innate drive to fix, save or love their soul in hopes of healing all of their flaws, which in most cases than not, impossible)

To add, the individual (usually the house person) who struggles with accepting their shadow self may experience a persistent sense that their partner is invasive or somehow withholding important information from them. If they are uncomfortable with embracing this energy, they may perceive it as a violation of their privacy and have an aversion to such intrusiveness from the other person. Now with the other person (usually the planet person) who is more spiritually inclined and open may always question where they stand with them. A part of the planet person is able to just feel how the house person feels (without words) and yet there's no solid, tangible reason to justify or clarify those thoughts or feelings that the planet person has towards them. The house person will ask themselves, "can they actually heal and erase my pain, or will their presence cause me more?"

Both might experience an underlying uncertainty about the true intentions of the other person; making it difficult to discern their genuine feelings or motives. As a result whoever is more affected by this type of intensity might constantly question the authenticity of their relationship, fear might seep in since there's a quiet voice in the back of their mind just whispering to them a false truth they can't make go away, especially if there is a lack in communication or open honesty between the two individuals.

In the extreme sense of it, the intensity of this dynamic can be amplified by an underlying presence of lies or deception, which in turn may affect the relationship. Secrets may become a recurring theme, causing both individuals to hold back certain aspects of themselves or their lives. These secrets may not necessarily be intentionally created, but could arise from external circumstances.

On one side of the spectrum the planet person can either fixate on healing any inner mental struggles the house person subconsciously holds onto. This can become one sided if the other person feels they don't need to be "saved" or "fixed," they might look at them in confusion, wondering what the planet person is holding onto, why they won't let them go, or why they have this drive to heal aspects of them they (the house person) isn't even aware or comfortable with.

So, the shadow side of this synastry depends on the individual. That itself would better showcase how intense 12th house synastry will manifest for each individual. If one is not used to being completely seen past the 3D (for both parties involved), then this would cause uncomfortability. If one is spiritually open and aware about how deep and ethereal this type of love can become, then the chances of dealing with deception or confusion is less likely.

Another aspect that this synastry may manifest is the inclination to hold onto this connection because the house person may believe that the planet person genuinely sees the real them even before they could fully see themselves (but it can also be vice versa; depends). If both are accepting of this love, the planet person can accurately read the house person and vice versa, words are not a necessity when it comes to the two of them, the planet person will know the house person's exact deep rooted innate fears before the house person was even aware they had any. The house persons presence just screams to the planet person's all of their inner mental challenges, and all the planet person wants to do is heal that part of them, the planet person will just know what their soul needs to hear and they want to give the house person that care and reassurance (especially if the planet person has strong attraction on their end/have natal 12th or Pisces placements).

This bond (when wanted on both ends) can create a soul binding connection where the house person would feel like no one else can ever understand them the way the planet person can. No one else would be able to read them like the book they secretly are, no one else can look into their eyes and bring solace into their bones, which in-turn can cause the dynamic between them to consistently become something that is impossible to let go of. How do you let go of the one soul who speaks to the parts of you that you don't even know?

They'll both feel that they've known each others souls before, leaving them to hang on and stay even if it gets destructive. If the energy between them both lack, then constant wavering thoughts and "what if's" can take over, and when the energy between the two of them feels grounded, that type of love is unbeatable and can feel ethereal. The overwhelming level of unexpressed intimacy between the two of them can be especially intense for someone who isn't accustomed to experiencing such boundless love.

Everything is unsaid but between them, there’s just a given understanding of each others inner mental struggles and pain, and having that kind of depth can bring in fear of what it would mean if this person leaves. Therefore self-sabotaging or escapist attitudes can occur, leaving this relationship to enter a side neither of them truly wants.

Be conscious and aware that (especially if you have 12th/Pisces house placements), a part of you wants to be seen without having to say a word, a part of you wants to feel connected to someone mind, body, and soul; and so with that brings in the intensity of this synastry and could be the reason why you choose to stay with someone that can ignite these feelings in you.

(In general to fully grasp how 12th house synastry can manifest, a deeper analysis is usually needed, by understanding your chart and your persons. I have an eBook that perfectly describes and answers almost any question about 12th house synastry so if you'd be interested in learning more about that, the link is pinned on my page).

8TH House

With the 8th house, it is an engulfing type of love. A clear and known relationship with deep intense feelings and emotions. You see it, other people see it and it’s hard to control and hard to let go of.

Usually, instantly, the house person is aware that the lack of planet person will feel like the worst loss there is, but they'll remain indifferent to that consequence. The house person can’t hide their feelings toward planet person, and they can't help but allow their feelings to flood out into the open. They want to showcase their undying desire to have the planet person because the want for them is the deepest thing the house person has have ever felt. A look from them rushes in emotion the house person never knew was possible. This synastry makes the house person accept any and all flaws that they have, and because of that, the loss of them can feel like they are losing a part of themself that they've always wished they could fix.

Nothing is hidden when it comes to this type of synastry, the feelings that preserve can’t help but be outwardly known by everyone in the vicinity of them. The threshold of the vulnerability that the planet person creates in the house person is untouchable. For the house person, nothing else matters but the planet person, and even though they are painfully aware about how transformational the planet person's absence will be, they'll stay anyway.

In another sense of this, if one or both of you struggle with insecurities/fears or have self-worth/value issues then the dynamic between you can erupt power struggles and control issues. The type of control and need one might have depends on how deep the internal pain the individual has (more info in my eBook).

The planet person gives the house person this serene and peaceful feeling where the house person finally can fully accept themself, so if the planet person leaves their presence. the house person will feel a pain that's worse than death; and the culprit behind that is because of fear. Constant battles of power/trust may emerge between the two of them. They' both might share this jealousy that they didn’t know was even possible and especially because without the planet person the house person won’t feel this specific “high” and that alone creates the intense need for them even more.

This intimacy is deep, almost instant, it can't be a lighthearted connection, their actions and the expectations you expect them to uphold too will create these high and lows you can't escape.

Loops and cycles are likely to occur, you will constantly go through ego deaths; you let go of them then you can't, you say you don't miss them then you do.

The love and hate spectrum is constantly wavering over your head, their smallest action can create a ripple effect of intense emotion, you start to depict every thing they have said or done to you, leaving you to go back and fourth with wanting them; to wanting nothing to do with them.

A part of the house person knows that the lack of them would disrupt their peace, yet their soft touch brings them the sense of wholeness and home they've only ever wished they had. If both are accepting of this type of love, they can elicit both the best and the worst aspects of each others character, and if the love for themself is lower than the desire to be loved; they won't be able to walk away.

(Who ever struggles with self love/self value/self worth/or have a broken attachment style because of past partnerships or parents OR has strong Scorpio in their natal chart/8TH house placements/Pluto influence will feel this type of synastry deeply)

This synastry needs desire and attraction on both ends to fully feel the effects of this kind of love, unrequited love can still occur and obsession/obsessiveness can happen on BOTH ends if each person just allows this type of energy in when both of your souls meet

While both types of synastry can bring in intense desire and lust, the differences exude in the type of person you are at your core. The healing (or lack there of) will dictate what type of relationship you'll experience when it comes to this individual.

Moving on or learning to change bad patterns is difficult but through the process of understanding your souls needs, everything else will follow.

(Understanding exact transits, synastry aspects or house overlays between you two will help you better understand if the person you're with share these karmic ties more info in my eBook and the link to purchase is pinned on my page)

#astrology #astro #astro notes #astro observations #scorpio moon #12th house synastry #8h synastry #8th house synastry #12h synastry #scorpio

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dumb-ghost-child · 1 year

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Humans are weird: Music

Ok so y’all seemed to like the one about intrusive thoughts, so I figured I’d do one about music too because it’s a super interesting topic to me!

The “Guide to Handling Humans” was ever-increasing, but one particular article seemed to confuse many. Spacefaring civilizations had dealt with adrenaline, extroverts, introverts, those who had a compulsive need to pat everything they saw and those who wrote stories of worlds that never existed (called “fantasy”). But one thing they never thought of was music.

Sure, other species had music. But none had focused so much of their civilization around it.

Clara was chatting with Indigo one day, and the topic of celebrations came up. The woman smiled, a gesture Indigo had learned meant that she was either about to do something utterly wild or share an entirely insane story, and started- “Oh! That reminds me, a few years ago I went to this one music festival, right? And there I saw the most amazing bands! I mean, I did lose my voice for a week after but it was totally worth it.”

Indigo was shocked; “Human-Clara what do you mean you ‘lost your voice’? How does one do that?”

“Well basically when someone yells- or does some other stuff- too much for too long, your voice can get messed up. Sometimes you can’t speak, sometimes it’s just super quiet, but it goes away after a bit,” she grinned as she spoke as if this horrifying experience was a positive one. “Have you got music on your home planet?”

Xe thought for a few moments before responding, “Well, yes… but it does not result in losing one’s ability to speak!”

Clara laughed, another positive expression that Indigo had learned about, “Eh, that’s just sometimes. And it just happened because I was singing along really loudly.”

The more Clara explained, the more confused Indigo was. Humans gathered together in crowds that could rival the sizes of some armies in order to celebrate the music of one individual? And sometimes they would be too loud that they would lose their speech? It was shocking to xem.

“Plus,” Clara continued, “some people use music to help them focus or deal with sensory overload. I know a few people on other ships that do it- if you ever go to the Sarina-XI crew, you’ll see a few other humans walking around listening to music, it helps them keep their focus.”

“So.. who creates this music?” Indigo was now more curious than ever, xir quills raising somewhat in curiosity.

“Oh, loads of people! It really depends on what genre it is. But some of the most popular are musicians like Taylor Swift.. her fans are a little scary,” Clara laughed again, “you diss her in front of them and they’ll actually tear you apart.” Indigo’s quills raised more, changing to a color of concern, so Clara clarified- “No, they won’t actually hurt you. They’re just really dedicated.”

To Indigo, this culture was.. odd. Humanity confused xem once again with their obsession with music. Treating ‘idols’ like practically gods, worshipping them and their songs.

The Qu’ral were a people who enjoyed music. The humans were a people who worshipped it.

#music #psychology #humans are space orcs #Humans are weird #earth is space australia #sci fi #Watch me make this a whole series #gradually kinda making a narrative with these posts lol

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romanarose · 7 months

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Congrats on reaching 1k followers 🎉

Can I request number 7 from the smut prompt "that was the prettiest sound i’ve ever heard" with Steven Grant? ❤

HI!!! Sorry this took forever I got caught up in writing 3 different series lol and my anxiety has been horrific since June lol bad time for a follower celebration but im TRYING

"Prettiest Sounds"

Steven Grant x Reader

Join my taglist! : Masterlist

Summary: You are self-conscious that don't sound sexy when cum, Steven assure you that you do.

Warnings: PIV sex, references to a past shitty ex.

************

You burry your face in Steven's neck as he fucks into you with care; your attempt to muffle the moans that couldn't help escape, yet another attempt in a long string of them. Steven just made you feel so good... it was hard to hide, but you tried.

When Steven moved enough to kiss and lick and nibble at your neck, you bit down on your bottom lip, a light whimper escaping you.

"Let me hear you, love." Steven begged as his hips thrust inside you, your fingers clawing into his sweaty back in an attempt to stay grounded. "Please?"

"You don't want that." It slips from your lips before you can stop it, your intrusive thoughts taking on a life of their own. You pinch your eyes closed, hoping he didn't hear you.

He did, of course. Steven had great hearing and slowed down to a stop. "Why would you say that, darling?" When you didn't answer, Steven carefully pulling out of you and making you whimper when he did. With a stroke of your hair out of your face, Steven laid on his side next to you. "Love? Please talk to me?

You hesitate, but with your eyes still closed in a cringe, you relent. "It doesn't sound good."

His eyebrows furrow in confusion. "What doesn't?"

Finally, you give into his gentle touches. Steven and you had only started dating recently, and only begun having sex this week, both wanting to take it slow. "I don't sound... sexy. during sex."

Steven had to take a moment to process what was said. "Well of course you do darling, I've heard you, you sound beautiful!"

"No," You shake your head. "That's not... real..."

His eyes widen comically large. "You mean... you're faking... uh- you're faking... orgasms?" He nearly whispers the last words, still a little awkward around sex.

"NO!" You are quick to reassure your sweet Steven. "I'm not faking the orgasms, I'm just faking... the sounds..." Embarrassment causes you to look away from him, but Steven coaxes you back to looking at him.

"Love... did he make you feel that way?" Steven knew you had a bad experience with your last boyfriend; he always nitpicked you in everything from the way you dress, the way you did your hair, how you walked... nothing was free from subtle critiques and little jabs.

You nod, confirming his suspicions with glistening eyes. "He said... I don't sound feminine enough."

The small rise and fall of his chest was a telltale that Steven was mentally envisioning kicking his ass. "That's not true, I know it's not. Whatever you sound like in genuine pleasure is sexy. I want to know how I make you feel, how I actually make you feel. I don't want a performance."

It took a little more reassurance, Steven encouraging you to open up during sexy and communicate, but as you made love that night, you threw away the fake, porny moans and let Steven hear you. When you came, you thought it was the least sexy thing you could've imagined, but it caused Steven to spill into you with a pathetic, loud whine.

"That was the prettiest sound I've ever heard."

******************

this was inspired by a convo between me and Dolli about Will Miller actually XD

@fandxmslxt69 @k-ra @ivystoryweaver @whatthefishh @campingwiththecharmings @littlenosoul @missdictatorme @steven-grants-world @ahookedheroespureheart @runa-falls @mikaelak @stevenandmarcslove @pikapuff-316 @@myfandomlikesandstories @milkymoon2483

#steven grant #steven grant x reader #moon knight #moon knight x reader #fem reader #moon knight fanfiction #jake lockley #female reader #x reader #steven grant smut #steven grant fluff #fluff #smut #santiago garcia #star wars #moon knight fluff #romana writes #steven grant is a sweetheart

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altsvu · 4 months

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i love what you did with my last ask so i just knew i needed to do another. how about a aaron x black!reader she's 7 months pregnant and over the phone has a discussion with aaron about the baby's skin color telling him "what if when it gets older it gets killed" and even aaron has to take a breath but over all jack heard the convo and is confused because he's like 8 and doesn't understand race like that and you and aaron explain it

complexities of race

pairing: aaron hotchner x pregnant!black!fem!reader

wc: 1.3k

cw: underlying mentions of current climate (iykyk), brief mentions of race/racism, fluff, pregnancy

a/n: girlll your prompts are so amazing, i love that you give me a challenge 🫶🏽🫶🏽 this was so hard to write not gonna lie, but of course i enjoyed it nonetheless!!! also this is the first fic of 2024! :) also i’m sorry it took me so long to write this!

criminal minds masterlist! ✯ taglist!

✯✯✯✯

“Aaron... I have something to tell you.” you smiled, leaning against the frame of the living room walkway. You hoped that he would be just as excited as you were, all those nights making love paid off.

“Sweetheart... you’re smiling, grinning even. What is it?” He asked.

“I’m pregnant.” you gushed, revealing the pregnancy test that was hidden in your hand.

Aaron’s eyes lit up in excitement. He rushed over to you and pulled you into his arms. “Oh, Y/N, that’s amazing!”

You were crying tears of joy, you were super excited to finally have a baby with the love of your life.

Fast forward to 7 months, you were thriving through all the symptoms of pregnancy. All the motion sickness, waking up in the middle of the night to throw up, the kicking, just to name a few.

Aaron made sure to be there for you every step of the way, from the moment he found out you were pregnant up until now. He would rub your belly a lot, give you foot and shoulder massages, satisfy your weird food cravings, and even read to your unborn child when he could.

You had no worries about this pregnancy. Until the intrusive thoughts started coming. Being a soon to be mom, you didn’t know if it was mother’s intuition, or just the simple fact that you were a black woman living in America. You started thinking a lot about how your baby would be when they grew up. Facing racism almost everywhere you went was not fun, which was why learning how to handle a situation like that was extremely important. You didn’t want your child being made fun of for their skin color or the way they look and not being able to see their self worth, see how beautiful they are, and that comments like those are baseless and have no real meaning.

This was something that needed to be discussed with Aaron. He sees the world differently than you do so it was important to you that your significant other understand your feelings and experiences. It wasn’t going to be like any other conversation they have had about racism; this time it involved a child, an innocent child.

You were at your grandparents’ house for the weekend and you decided to call Aaron to talk while you had some downtime.

He answered the phone fast and the two of you got into conversation quick. He asked you if you were doing okay and that he missed you and couldn’t wait until you came back so he could take care of you. You expressed that you missed him as well and asked him how he and Jackson were doing.

Then you decided to let the cat out of the bag.

“Aaron?”

“Yes love?”

You exhaled out of your nose. “There’s something I’m worried about, uh, for this pregnancy. Or at least something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about for a while.”

“What is it?”

“Our baby is black. I just- I dunno, what if... our child gets killed when it goes out into the world on their own? This world is a sick place and it’s hard to raise a black child.“

Aaron paused for a bit. He knew what you were saying was the truth, and nothing but the truth. But he had no idea how to respond. Growing up, he never really knew what it was like to be made fun of because of the color of someone’s skin, let alone now in today’s world, where people get killed just because of it.

“Y/N, I want you to know that our baby will be protected to the fullest extent. Everything that you told me is all true, and I don’t want to dismiss any of your feelings.”

“I know, and I appreciate you for that.” you answered.

All of Aaron’s words were reassuring, but you still didn’t think he understood. It’s not that you were mad at him for that, you didn’t blame him for anything. You wanted to educate as much as possible.

You were the oldest daughter in your family, and seeing how your other siblings were raised, you wanted the best for your child.

You continued talking to Aaron about it in hopes that those intrusive thoughts would go away sometime soon.

✯✯✯✯

You were back from your grandparents’ house and you were now sitting on the couch at Aaron’s place, which became yours as well since you moved in with him.

He had something important to talk to you about, and a part of you thought it had to do with the phone conversation a few days ago.

“Is everything okay?” you asked.

“Yeah, um, it’s just Jack. He overheard our conversation the other day and he’s been asking questions and I think it would be best for the both of us to answer those questions.”

“I think that’s a good thing. He’s growing up and these are conversations that need to be held. I’m happy to help him understand as best as I can.”

Aaron took your hand and smiled. “I agree.”

A few hours later, after Jack came back home from school, the three of you sat at the dining table enjoying the meal Aaron cooked. Beforehand, you had told Aaron that you were gonna use the eggs in the fridge as an example since Jack was still so young to understand technical terms.

“So, Jack, we wanted to talk to you about something, and it’s very important, okay?” Aaron started.

“Okay.”

“So I know you’ve asked about what race is and things like that. I wanna show you something, okay? I think it will help you understand.”

You got up and got a white and a brown egg from the fridge as well as a spoon and placed them in front of Jack.

“Which egg do you want to break?”

“The white one!” Jack exclaimed, taking the spoon and breaking it.

You smiled softly. “Okay, good. Now how come you decided not to break the brown one instead?”

“I thought it would look different on the inside.”

“Well, do you wanna see something cool?” You asked. Jack nodded in response. You took the spoon and broke the brown one.

“They look the same on the inside.” Jack noted.

“You’re right, Jack. The eggs look different on the outside, but when you break them open, you see that they look the same.” Aaron started.

He explained to Jack that people have preferences for a lot of tangible things, and how it can apply to actual human beings. For only being 8 years old, Jack was very attentive to what you and Aaron had to say, and was asking all the right questions.

“Because the baby growing inside of me is going to look different than you, people may not like that. But my baby is a human too.”

“Is that why you were scared?”

You nodded. “I went through it too, and I just want to keep my baby safe.”

Jack went over to you and hugged your belly in response. It made you smile from ear to ear.

✯✯✯✯

“Hi beautiful.” Aaron said, kissing your cheek.

It had been evening time at this point and Aaron had just tucked Jack into bed, and you were lying down in the other room reading a book.

“Hi,” you responded back smiling.

Aaron got settled in with you in bed and cuddled. “Do you feel better about everything now?”

“Honestly, I know that deep down inside, those feelings are still there and will arise at some point but being able to talk about it freely is refreshing.” you admitted. “And that’s okay.”

He smiled. “That’s good. I’m glad Jack was able to take part of this conversation with us.”

“Me too. Surely we’ll have even more engaging conversations like this.”

✯✯✯✯

taglist: @averyhotchner @storiesofsvu @ssaic-jareau @blackbeautifulqueen @mstrinnyb @will-on-the-internet

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pen-observing · 1 year

Text

the brothers react to you losing love for them

a/n: I haven't opened this game in a while so it made me think about this angst!! enjoy it

Lucifer has this tendency to over analyse everything that goes around him and truth be told, you are no exception to that. Did you really think he wouldn't notice that you've grown doubtful of your own love? That you've suddenly found more and more excuses not to spend time with him? He can see how painful this is for you. Your eyes still sparkle when you see him and your heart skips a beat but somehow it lessens to where that shine becomes dimmed. He finds it funny, how, in his experience, it is humans who lose feelings quicker than him and those so much older. Lucifer has principles that he holds everyone and himself to - and one of those is lessening your burdens. Your feelings have changed and you are trying to come to terms with that but he doubts you would ever approach him about it yourself. So, he brings it up first.

And when he does bring it up - it is on the most mundane night. The two of you did not travel to a special place, you didn't even leave the house. He invited you in his study to simply see just how much his company is no longer a complete comfort. And when he lifts his head up from those pesky papers, he sees you staring out the window.

It hurts him but he still says: "You're allowed to leave." He can see that you're confused. "You're allowed to leave me, my love." He can't stop himself from calling you that. Here he is, lessening up the burden for you, telling you to break up with him - but it is with everlasting love that he makes this easy for you.

Mammon simply refuses to believe anything has changed. For someone so intrinsically impulsive and naturally intuitive - he lies to himself and would gladly do it forever. 'Yes, my human's hand doesn't grip mine as tightly as it did before.' and 'Yes, they're sometimes lost in their own world but..they're human! Humans are known for this!'. You have to be the one to do it. Mammon simply wants to live in this love forever. Some have looked at him with pity for it but he has no problems. As long as they don't say anything. As long as he can believe his own love is enough - he pays it absolutely no mind.

Except, he has to listen to you. And even you were not sure how to bring it up. However, while he was resting his head in your lap during a 'throw-whatever-movie-on' night; the couple on the screen broke up and it was like something got lost between the two of you. It started as a simple debate over if the couple should have broken up at all. Mammon and you were on opposite sides of course and it caused an argument. After it escalated he simply yelled 'break up with me already. stop being dishonest!'. It simply flew out. He never wanted it to be said by anyone but he couldn't like anymore.

And break up you did. It was odd, you had to comfort him about it, you had to live with him and hear him crying, you had to see his puffy eyes. And Mammon kept protecting you still. Just...give him time. Give him forever if you can. Forgive him when he introduces you as his significant other, forgive him when a loving nickname slips out and forgive him for when he simply looks like he is begging for your love while you call him 'your best friend.'

Leviathan somehow ends up taking it far easier than you would have imagined. He always live in this state of thinking that the worst is coming to him and, it is not a betrayal, that he imagined you breaking up with him several times. He has had nightmares about it and he has had intrusive thoughts. But, the difference from this time vs any other - is reality itself. Before, he would open up to you about his nightmare and you would hold him dearly. You would chase it all away. You would reassure him that his doubts were just the worst parts of him coming to surface.

But, this time, you have to comfort him about the reality of his situation. His doubts were grounded this time and they came true. His love and his tries were simply not enough.

Now, you have to give him space. Too much space. How does he rationalise wanting to see you all the time and never wanting to see you love someone else?

It truly doesn't matter what you or his brothers or even he himself does - he will end up hurting for a long time. But, it is fine...his love has no place to go, but he thinks that letting you go proves just how strong it is.

Maybe one day - you will come back to him.

Satan thinks it is a curse to be able to tell when someone doesn't want him around. And the worst part of it all is the fact that you are not even aware what you feel. He can tell. He could always tell. You don't know why time with him spent seems longer and longer nor do you know why you are not fulfilled as you were before.

Satan has not changed nor has his love - but your feelings are starting to become lost instead of grow. You still look at him with loving eyes but he constantly asks himself 'how much longer? how much longer until they realize it? until they leave me?'. That is no way to live and sustain a relationship and he brings it up first during an expensive dinner. You are trying to properly cut the meal and he looks at you from across the table.

"Do you remember what I told you once during our morning tea?" "I...I don't think I do. Which morning tea exactly?" "When we first started dating." He can tell you do not remember so he continues. "I told you that if your feelings ever start to change you should immediately tell me."

It is...pitying how you look at him in such a confused way. You haven't figured it out yet. But after this you will.

"You will regret breaking up with me." His old habits are hard to break. It seems like an angry sentence but it is not a threat or anything of the sort. He says it as an observation - as a hope to himself.

"My feelings have not changed. Even if your own probably have. But, please remember everything I have said."

The two of you continue to eat dinner. But something tells him once this is over - nothing will be the same as before.

Asmodeus will never not equate your love lessening to him not being good enough. And that is precisely why he takes it the worst out of any person you could know. Asmodeus has so much love to give, and his identity and pride center on loving and being loved in return. He tries everything he can. More expensive treatments, better skin care, fancier dates and bigger romantic gestures. He even reads books on how human emotions change and every single time he turns onto a new page - his heart breaks. He can notice even the smallest signs that lead up to it.

But, when the signs are small, he figures that he can fight them with just grander gestures. That your doubt is temporary and soon all of your love will find its way back to him.

But Asmo never likes fake flattery or fake love extended in his direction. If your words are not true - don't say them at all. If your love is lessening - at least respect him so much that you are honest about it.

"I never expected this..." "Hmm, Asmo? You never expected what?"

The two of you are in his bed, cuddled up close.

"I have had people not fall for me at all - but I never expected you would fall for me so hard and then slowly lose your love." His arms tighten around you as he says it. What is there left now?

Beelzebub has always been so kind to you. That the realization of your lack of love comes as a natural thing after a long time. Why? In his kind nature - he never demanded anything of you. Beel accepted what you would give and never made you feel uncomfortable with what you were not willing to do. In simple terms, his whole being adjusts to you. And when he sees you shy away, when he sees you get lost, when he sees even the slightest hint of hesitation - he stops. And with it, the two of you carry on with the title of a couple but the parameters change. You two are definitely in a relationship it doesn't matter that your kisses lessen until they almost disappear. All that matters is that you find comfort in one another's presence.

Others have tried to bring it up but your love is simply confusing to everyone around you. It is like the both of you are oblivious to the changes until one day, when your own heart skips a beat when you see a stranger on the street.

And then you realize it. Somewhere, you've lost the title of a couple. You've simply transformed into great friends without realizing it. So, by the time you bring it up - both you and Beel are fine with it. This breakup doesn't cause either of you pain and...hurting him would be the last thing you would want.

Except, you will never know that Beel has realized it a bit before you, that he had to get over you before he was ready to let you go.

Belphegor never sees his love lessening and he cannot imagine it ever would. So what if he notices the signs? It doesn't mean that he will act on them. He has written papers on humans before and he is wiling to call this one of your 'temporary changes' that would later on make you realize just how much you actually love him.

But he gets impatient so quickly. He is as he always was in this relationship but you are slowly creating a distance between the two of you. He can tell how you are going to talk to him about your feelings soon and he absolutely hates it. He can see it coming when you look at the ceiling with empty and insecure eyes; and instead of letting you speak, he holds you so tightly that he buries his face into the pillow.

"Don't do it. Don't you dare tell me."

And you immediately know what he is referring to.

"I don't wish to hear it." And you want to tell him that he has to. That its been a long time coming.

"Let me sleep instead; stay in my arms for a little while longer."

Your break up with him has no chance of ever being pretty. He will simply tell you 'no' and 'don't you dare make me listen to that.' and 'let me love you a bit longer.' But, after you finally refuse to listen to him and tell him how it is - over time, he will find it in himself to forgive you. But he needs so long to actually get used to you not being there for him to love anymore.

#obey me #obey me x reader #obey me brothers x reader #lucifer x reader #mammon x reader #leviathan x reader #satan x reader #asmodeus x reader #beelzebub x reader #belphegor x reader #obey me headcanons #obey me angst #obey me swd #not gi #not rook's bow

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oneshotnewbie · 1 year

Text

In love with my best friend - Spencer Hastings x Reader

Authors note: This short story is not related to a request but is something I came up with that I couldn't get out of my head. Maybe you like it anyway! 🙈

Summary: There is one unspoken rule between best friends; never fall in love with them. But like most rules, this was made to be broken. You fell in love with Spencer and as luck would have it, she was dating Toby. But when you confess your love for her, everything turns out differently than you thought.

ᕚ---ᕘ

Spencer Hastings was undoubtedly your best friend. Not that you had many friends, although there were plenty of people you got along with, you trusted nobody as much like Spencer. You had no siblings but a sister could hardly have been closer to you- you knew that.

It was odd. After all, you did only known each other a few years, but you assumed that time played less of a role in friendship than the experiences shared. And fighting side by side against a common enemy was certainly something that could bond two young girls together.

Yes, Spencer Hasting was a great woman; smart, kindhearted, brave, super loyal and absolutely reliable. And that is exactly what started growing butterflies in your stomach. However, there was one flaw that let you know you will never get to call her your girlfriend- when she could not stop babbling about her boyfriend.

"Oh, come on, Y/n!" she wailed in a tone that made you want to squeeze your hands into fists and dig your fingernails into your skin. Just a little, it would hardly hurt. "Do you not want to know what he got me for our anniversary?"

"No, I do not want to" you hissed as you dropped the fork with a clatter into the bowl.

Spencer seemed taken aback for a moment, but then her face lit up and she waved the necklace in front of your face again while you stared grimly at the piece of tomato that jumped out of the bowl. "Ha! You are only saying that because you do not know how great he is!"

Then your patience, which is quite thin by nature, snapped. "Damn it, Spencer!" you lifted your eyes to your best friend, who had moved intrusively close to you. The brunette was not exactly known for keeping a distance of discretion. "I do not care how great your fucking Toby is, okay?"

She slowly slipped her hands off the chain around her neck and the wide grin faded from her face as if the harshness you displayed tonight had wiped it away. However, she did not seem offended. On the contrary, she seemed extremely worried. "What is going on, shorty?"

"Nothing is wrong," with shaky fingers, you tried to lift the mushy tomato between your nails and shove it into the sink. "Just because I do not want to take a closer look at that gold chain around your neck that you bother me with all the time does not mean something is wrong"

Inside, you were despairing. You would most likely to want her to yell at you. Would love to hear her say how bad of a person you were, not enjoying their happiness. Maybe then you would feel less like a monster than you already did.

"There must be a reason for my best friend´s grumpy face though. You are never usually like that"

This almost made you laugh out loud. You were in the midst of a terrible war of emotions and feelings that were raging inside of you. Love and hate were close together and fought flawlessly in your soul for the rightness of them. On one hand, you were happy that the brunette had found someone who loved her with all her faults and flaws. However, you had hoped that you were the one who could offer all of those things to her.

You sighed deeply and got up to dump your dinner into the trash; your appetite was completely gone. Spencer´s face changed from a deep confusion to a frighteningly serious one that sent a chill down your spine. "It is about Toby, is it not?" In your stance, you flinched slightly and did not let a word escape your mouth, but she instantly knew that her guess was correct. "Ever since I told you it was serious between the two of us, you seemed completely lost in thought and distanced"

You still retreated in silence, but your hands were shaking so much that you dropped the empty bowl into the sink. And the youngest Hastings had noticed that too. Quickly, she jumped out of her chair and put her arm comfortingly around your shoulders while you clutched the marble, knuckles already turning white.

"I love you.." you began to speak in a low voice, looking down at your fingers scraping the stainless steel. Emily had previously advised you to stay away from the subject and try to shut off your feelings. She had warned you urgently, yet you had ignored every word and walked into a circular saw with open arms.

And worst of all, you did probably jeopardized the friendship with your stupid revelation.

"I did not mean to develop feelings for you but I did not stop them the first time I felt it and-" Spencer could clearly hear the uncertainty in your restless voice and stopped you to catch your breath. She pulled you closer and if you did not know her better, you would have assumes that she would want to kill you for ruining her relationship with the boy she fell in love with. "You have to stop,"

"With what?"

"Wanting to explain yourself," she paused for a moment, biting her lip as the front of her body gently pressed against your back and her head hovered over your shoulder. A clearing of her throat escaped her before she continued to speak. "Y/n, look at me"

You turned your face to her and saw a strange sight, two adult friends standing close together, one pulling the other into a tight and loving embrace. You, aware of how close Spencer was to you and how your heart started pounding violently in your chest, could not help but smile. "If Toby would see us like this.."

The older one seemed confused for a moment, then laughed out loud until her body shook with yours. Gently, she wrapped both arms tightly around your body and her face moved dangerously close to yours, your lips almost meeting. "I do not care"

With a mixture of curiosity and nervousness, you looked into her large and brown eyes, the color of which had darkened and was almost unrecognizable through the enlarged pupils staring at you.

"May I..?" Her gaze dropped to your lips with the warmest, friendliest smile you had ever seen and you nodded as your heart started leaping with excitement in your chest. As her soft lips brushed yours and kissed them gently, you felt the almost unnatural warmth that spread through every single fiber of your body.

As Spencer unintentionally pulled away from you, there was silence for a long moment before she began to whisper barely audible. "I have been waiting for this moment for so long, I did not think it would ever happen" her lips slammed back onto yours, slowly kissing their way down to your chin and shoulder before nibbling at the tender skin of your neck.

The sensation you felt overwhelmed your senses, letting you moan briefly before you laid your head back and thus allowed her to dive further with rough bites. Your hands settled on her hips, gently pulling her closer to you. They roamed her whole body until they caught on the buttons of her expensive blouse, that you were feverishly trying to open.

Spencer and you were so busy with each other, that you did not realized you were being watched from the patio door.

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railingsofsorrow · 9 months

Text

support system

summary: in which reader goes through a depressive episode but she doesn't need to suffer alone, or. . . in which I got inspired by that hotch and emily's scene.

pairing: platonic!aaron hotchner x gn!reader; platonic!bau x gn!reader

w.c: 2.1K

warnings/content: tw!depression; descriptions of feeling numb, insomnia, poor eating habits, feeling as if you're suffocating and confusion; basically a depressive episode; minor character death (mentioned).

a/n ²: this is based on my own experience, not everyone feels the same way. if this is triggering for you (read the warnings, please) then don't read it.

navi

masterpost

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“Is everything okay?”

You released the grip you had on the file when the voice of your boss brought you back to Earth.

Your head was on haywire. The case wasn't much help, it didn't end well, not like you wanted, at least. Each one of you endured it in a different way but you could see through Emily's eyebrow twitch as she dozed off, in JJ's far away gaze as she stared out the window and in Derek's strained smile as Spencer checkmated him on chess for the tenth time. This job took a tool on all of you but the choice was always clear — you wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

And your head played tricks on you in spite of the death you saw every day. You called it grey days; the ones where, as soon as you opened your eyes to start the day, you'd drift to the void of nothingness. The colours were faint, if there were any at all. They just didn't matter to you as you walked by your apartment and everything was tidy up. While your brain mocked you for the numbness as you ate and the cracks caused by dryness in your lips. Nothing out of order, except for the mess inside your head. As long as it stayed there, it was fine.

But apparently, that's not what happened. You've been reading the same paragraph for the thirteenth time and you had misspelled the same word multiple times. You couldn't concentrate on paperwork and that's when you wished to finish things like Spencer did. He did everything perfectly and fast, always the first to be done even after proofreading it. Fucking IQ of 187.

In resume, you were not fine. The case was just an added bonus. And you were too stubborn to admit it to anybody, most definitely not your boss.

“Yes, sir.” You replied, turning the page after blinking to escape the blurriness of your sleepless nights. “Just finishing up some reports.”

He took his seat by your side, two cups being placed in the table in front of you.

“Why don't you finish up tomorrow?” He offers, leaning back as he relaxed his shoulders. He seemed to be winding off for today, his paperwork forgotten at his side. Those were probably finished already, and more awaited him at his office back at Quantico. Hotch worked too much. You wondered if he ever went crazy for a break — you knew he needed it. “Get some rest. Take a nap before we land? There's still some time.”

Your lips curled up in a smile. The first real one of your day. You found yourself unable to react when people explicitly showed they cared about you. What were you supposed to say? What were you supposed to do?

But it made you secretly warm inside. They care. I'm not alone.

Everyone knew you liked to sleep on the jet. As soon as you walked in and took your seat by the window, you were gone done for the day. Derek often made fun of you but you were used to it.

Today, you went straight to the casefiles. Burying yourself in work in order to ignore the intrusive thoughts running through your mind. That's the best outcome you could gather.

Except it wasn't.

“I can't,” you said, writing down the date on a new file. “Too much to do.”

Hotch stayed silent and you took that as the conversation being over. When you were concluding another set of paperwork, he softly nudged one of the cups into your hands. You blinked up in surprise and that must've been the distraction he needed to pull the files out of your hands and push the mug into them.

A look was all it took for you to accept it and sip into the beverage. Tea. It calms you down. Garcia always makes sure to sneak in a packet into your go-bag, knowing you crave those most of the time — and on days like these — the jet had the tea option too, despite the coffee addicts sitting around.

“I want you to make a deal with me.”

You peered at Hotch through your eyelashes, slightly alarmed. “That's concerning.”

He chuckled, raising an eyebrow. It was weird seeing his strict mask crumble down into a relaxed demeanor without that crease in-between his eyebrows plus the familiar daily harsh glare.

For some, the image of Hotch chuckling was barbaric. You'd definitely never believe it if you hadn't seen it yourself. The same was for any of your friends. It was absurd, but it happened.

“What would this deal be, sir?”

“Take a break,” his gaze lowered to the fawn casefile quickly and then to you, the strict fire in his eyes coming back slightly. Except that that one wasn't from Hotchner, BAU's unit chief, but from Aaron, your friend that enjoyed going on marathons when he had a — rare — day off, the one who actually laughed at jokes involving sports. “You are tired. You deserve it.”

You don't.

There are more victims out there, ones you haven't even heard of yet and you're whining about not having enough sleep or not being able to breath right because your chest is tight.

You don't deserve rest. You don't deserve the life you have. You don't—

“I'm almost finished.”

“The deal is: you're gonna go weeks, months even, feeling fine,” he leaned back, watching you focus back on the paperwork. He was able to see the bags under your eyes and that grey haze. Anyone could. No amount of make-up could hide the pain in your eyes. “Then, you're gonna have a bad day.” Your hand froze as you were about to turn a page. He carried on. “And that's understandable. Just let me know when you do and if you'd like to talk about it. Can you do that?”

You wanted to say you were fine and move on, just pretend you weren't dying inside, begging to get some time away from you own thoughts. But a part of you desired to be taken care of, to be heard, even if what you said didn't make any sense. You wished to just be heard.

So, for the first time in a long time, you admitted it out loud — to your boss, of all people. Well, he offered first so that was on him. Through the way he looked at you, a spark of understanding, you wondered if he knew what was going on deep down. Or if he find it too familiar to just let it go.

“I'm having a bad day,” you squeezed the pen on your hand until your knuckles turned white. Diverting your attention to the window, you focused on the clouds as you spoke up. “It's one of many but sometimes I—I can't help it.”

You felt your neck heating up, the shame arriving too soon after you confessed your feelings. It was so hard to talk about them, to be vulnerable with someone else.

Maybe they'll find me stupid. Not maybe, they'll certainly find me stupid and a burden and finally realize that I shouldn't be there.

“We can't control them all the time, can we?”

Your graze drifted back to Hotch, his stance hadn't changed as if he had been expecting your words. He carried on upon seeing the frown of confusion in your face.

“Our thoughts,” Aaron clarified. “We can't control them. Not all the time.”

You nodded quietly in response, munching on your lower lip.

“But we don't need to be alone with them,” he watched as you kept on fidgeting with your hands, picking at your nails. “You know what I do when I have a bad day?” Casting him a curious look, he offered you a sad smile. That reserved expression he had whenever he would mention Hailey in a conversation. “I visit Hailey's grave. I talk to her about everything. Not that I just remember her on bad moments, she's with me every day. But on those times... I need her. And that's what I do.”

“Do you feel better?” You ask, something in your chest crawling up until your eyelids.

Hotch reaches for your arm, squeezing in reassurance. “I do. But it's a lot better when I talk to someone that's here.”

That's when the dam broke. You didn't sob, no. It was more of a silent cry that had been waiting a long time to be released. When you finally know you can be open with someone and they won't judge you for it? It's relieving. You had been waiting on that feeling for such a long time.

“I'm sorry,” you sniffled, pulling your head away from his shoulder. “That wasn't supposed to happen, I'm not like this.”

“You don't have to apologize.” He said gently, offering you his handkerchief. You begrudgingly accepted, it was better than to have snot running out of you nose. You could wash it and give it back later. “It's alright.”

“A hard week, actually,” you shook your head, frowning at your hands. “I was doing everything on automatic, I felt so... numb. And now I just want to cry it all out. As if everything that I've been bottling up—”

“... it's coming back.” You nod as he completed your line of thought. “That happens when you don't get any rest.” He gave you a pointed look and you had the decency of smiling sheepishly. “Do you think you could try and do that tonight? Forget the paperwork. Go home, take care of yourself, get some sleep. I know it's a stretch to say you could have a few days off—”

You gasped, “please don't.” Hotch chuckled softly, and you flushed red at the desperation displayed in your tone. It's not that you were married to work, but disrupting your whole routine like this could make you feel even worse. You had to start by baby steps, like properly eating and sleeping, otherwise you'd feel more guilty for staying off work and the amount of late stuff you'd have to get back to...

“Let's say that if you need to take some time off...” Hotch said. “You can do that. You are allowed.”

“Thank you, Hotch.”

“No need to thank me.” He gave you a soft smile. Soon, both of you got back to your own little worlds. And you took your rightful spot by the window, cheek resting against the small pillow you carry on the jet. You followed the movement of the clouds as the plane whisked by them, your eyelids started getting heavy and that's when you knew that the tea was doing its effect in your system.

You were too wiped out to feel a warm soft blanket wrap around your body, but your fists subconsciously closed around it tightly.

“Are they okay?” Spencer asked softly, careful to not wake you up from your slumber. But you seemed to be in a deep sleep, so much so that you barely moved when he tucked his blanket around your shoulders. He had seen you crying a few minutes ago as you and Hotch shared a quiet conversation. He didn't want to intrude, but his concern was all over the place.

Hotch hummed, the corner of his lips quirking up slightly as Spencer made sure to move the casefiles to the coffee table instead of your lap, leaving you free of any burdens that could wake you up.

“They'll be fine.” He ensured Spencer, whose concerned eyes studied you for a moment before he nodded and sat down on his own seat.

You had a good support team right behind you if needed. You weren't alone, you'd be alright.

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a/n: I really wished someone said that to me. that's pretty much things I want to hear in days like that. if you feel this way, feel free to dm me anytime. if you don't want to talk, I love you either way <3

#criminal minds imagine #criminal minds fanfiction #aaron hotchner x gn!reader #spencer reid x gn!reader #reader insert #criminal minds fic #aaron hotchner x reader

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hum-tittle · 5 months

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I have OCD, and I don’t think there are a lot of great media examples. So, I am going to post examples as I find them! Also, if you find any examples, please share!!

First it is important to understand what exactly OCD is. OCD is an anxiety disorder with a cycle. It starts with consistent intrusive/unwanted thoughts. (Everyone experiences intrusive thoughts but people with OCD it is much more intense and frequent. I personally have multiple a day.) Now intrusive thoughts are anxiety inducing thoughts. These thoughts are things you do not want to do/happen. People confuse intrusive thoughts with impulsive thoughts Impulsive thoughts are things you may have some desire to do and do not trigger anxiety. Both kinda “pop” in your head but are very different. Wanting to flip someone off for cutting you off is impulsive while running your car off a cliff is an intrusive thought.

Intrusive thoughts aren’t always a specific action either, it can sometimes just be a feeling or a memory. I deal with “impending doom” now and again, it is awful.

The next part is the fear and anxiety being too much from the intrusive thought and they keep thinking about it, or the obsession.

This is where we get to the visible part of the cycle, the compulsion. Compulsion can look so different and sometimes you can’t even tell. (Also everyone can have compulsions!). Someone double checking the door is locked seems totally normal to the outside, but in their mind if they don’t double check it someone will break in and kidnap their family and it will be all their fault because they didn’t double check the lock, even if they know they locked it, what if someone unlocked it, or the lock is broken, or they’re crazy and never locked it.

The compulsion does help self soothe but is usually temporary. If the obsession is still there, this can cause the compulsions to become more extreme. Getting really sick> intrusive thoughts of getting sick again> excessive hand washing (cleaning them to the point of bleeding)> relief> compulsion is no longer helping> agoraphobia (fear of leaving their home)

Here are some graphics to help understand!

Anyways I am also writing a musical about this and will share about it when it's closer to being done!

Graphic sources

https://www.ocddoodles.com/shop/p/the-ocd-cycle-digital-print-clinic-use

https://calocd.com/pure-o-ocd-2/

#actually ocd #ocd #obsessive compulsive disorder #ocd is not type a #what ocd is #mental health #mental illness #you're not alone #intrusive thoughts #education #impeding doom

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iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia · 11 months

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Hi! Could you possibly write for the M6 with an MC who has intrusive thoughts that really bother them?

The Arcana HCs: M6 when MC has intrusive thoughts

~ one of the kindest, strongest, wisest people I know (who I would be so proud to be more like) struggles with this too, and I've inherited some of that from them. Here's some comfort, anon, nobody's alone in this :) - brainrot ~

Julian

Nothing bothers him more than seeing you unhappy. He's noticed a few times when you pause, like something in your head is hurting you, and the way you take a deep breath and continue

Clearly, he thinks, you have chronic headaches

Never fear, MC, your neighborhood doctor hero is on the case! He has almost as many remedies for headaches as he has leeches

You're a little confused when the next time a particularly nasty thought shows up, he smears a funky-smelling concoction across your forehead with little to no warning and then smiles proudly

"Better?"

Well, yes, but mostly because your confusion is drowning out the thought that made you wince in the first place

He can tell it wasn't the right solution, and asks you about whatever it is that's going on in your head to cause this kind of pain

He gives you his full attention while you explain, nodding along as it sinks in. Intrusive thoughts, he understands but can't relate to. Feeling guilt or shame for something he didn't do? He knows that

He's always attentive to you when you're around, but now as he gets better at recognizing that bothered look on your face, he'll wrap his arm around your shoulders every time and tell you it's not your fault

Asra

This was something they didn't find out about you until after the two of you started dating properly. Before that, they were often too busy hiding their own pain and taking care of you to notice yours

It startles him when he finds out - he's suggested tapping into your bond while you go shopping, out of curiosity for how you experience the world

The recurring image you always get near a specific location is such a normal part of your routine that you forget to warn them

You feel his full-body flinch as you walk by, and then he's pulling you into a safer alleyway to ask you if you're okay

The amount of guilt they feel when you explain is nearly painful - you've been dealing with this all by yourself, and not only did they fail to help you learn how to face it, they never even noticed

He's going to cuddle all the thoughts away

Or at least, they'll try. It works surprisingly well most of the time, and they've become so tuned in to you that at this point all you need is the touch of their fingers on your palm for things to settle

He also teaches you a little pattern to trace on your hand that helps things calm down for when he's not around

So, so proud of you for how well you already stand up to your thoughts and prove them wrong every day

Nadia

She's quite the insightful person herself, but she's not very familiar with intrusive thoughts. Sudden visions and their accompanying headaches? Certainly, but she sees her mind as her own domain

Which is why she notices the way the shadow of a pained expression will flit across your features every now and then, and assumes it's just your magic doing magic things

She's a little annoyed that you never share the content of your frequent visions with her. She doesn't like being left out

Until she's practicing her own sight around you, and happens to be studying your aura when one shows up. She's both disturbed and impressed with the intensity of the thought and your own quick recovery

"MC ..." she asks thoughtfully, "Is this a frequent occurrence?"

When you say yes, she's hesitant to ask further. She can tell it's a private and emotionally intense matter, but she also doesn't like to see you hurting alone. "Would you be willing to trust me with it?"

You explain slowly, a little worried that she'll trust you less because of them. Instead, she's deeply moved. "You confront these every day, without fail. My darling, you are even stronger than I thought."

Will kiss you in broad daylight to take your mind off of it if it's bad

Muriel

He notices more than he lets on

It becomes obvious to him that there's something hurting you in your thoughts, but knowing from experience how painful flashbacks can be, he leaves it to you to address at your own pace

He waits for a very, very long time

It's several things piling up at once that gets things out in the open. First, it's your increasing feelings of safety and trust around him that get you thinking that it might be okay to share what's going on

Second, it's his mounting concern as he notices the way your eyes tend to linger on potentially dangerous spots and objects

And third, it's his uncanny ability to sense guilt and fear when he's lived so much of his life being plagued by it

He begins to skirt around the issue one evening by the fire, trying to feel out how safe it is for you to talk about it, and that's all the reassurance you need to start talking about what's going on

He listens very attentively, and even invites you to tell him some of the things that pop up most often uninvited

When you say it out loud it sounds both horrifying and ridiculous, but when you look at him all you see is his faith in you

He knows you, he loves you, he trusts you, and he knows that these thoughts are anything but accurate to you

Portia

She has no idea what's going on until you tell her

The only thing she overthinks about is when someone doesn't like her as much as she expects them to, and then it's problem-solving

And as much as she adores you, she doesn't idly pay attention to you. She's a busy woman, when she has time with you she wants to spend it doing things, not sitting around

All she notices is that, several months into sailing around together, you start to go into a slump every time you go out on deck

She doesn't know why or how. She just knows it happens and she wants it to stop happening because she doesn't like the way you seem so bothered

You finally approach her one evening in your cabin. She's got her feet up, reading by the lantern, petting Pepi in her lap

As soon as you ask if you can tell her something, she's snapping her book shut and sitting up. She wants to be here for you, even when what you're describing doesn't makes sense to her at all

But she believes you, because she knows you and she has faith in you. You don't expect how validating it is when she laughs out loud at some of the thoughts you describe having involuntarily

"I'm sorry," she gasps, "That's just the opposite of how I know you think."

Lucio

He doesn't know it, but the time he spent tied to you as a ghost advising you in all sorts of ridiculous directions did not help at all

Funnily enough, he brings up the concept of intrusive thoughts long before you think to tell him about it

Because he's having them and he's scared

On one hand, he knows his own determination to become a better person, and he knows he's succeeding. Being with you is proof

On the other hand, he has decades of well-worn thought patterns that don't disappear overnight. Even if he doesn't want to consider striking another deal with the Devil, it still pops into his head

He's frustrated with his skill or strength level? He misses his old life of luxury? Make a deal, his mind whispers, and it's yours. While he knows he wouldn't, the fact that he thinks of it makes him scared that he might, and sometimes it keeps him up

As you hear him describing it, you start telling him about your thoughts as well. It's reassuring to both of you - you know that you're not alone, and you're proof to him that these kinds of thoughts don't make him a bad person

If you're up for it, it becomes a running joke to casually mention it when one pops into one of your heads so the other of you can laugh at how ridiculous it is

#ask arcana brainrot #the arcana #the arcana headcanons #the arcana hc #asra the arcana #julian the arcana #nadia the arcana #muriel the arcana #portia the arcana #lucio the arcana #the arcana game #the arcana fluff #asra alnazar #julian devorak #nadia satrinava #muriel of the kokhuri #portia devorak #lucio morgasson

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