#my follower count hasn’t reached the 3 numbers yet | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat · 7 months

Text

in the dream i don’t tell anyone, you put your head in my lap ; shoko ieiri

synopsis; ever since the battle in shinjuku came to its conclusion, nothing’s been the same as it used to. but you don’t think anyone is doing quite as badly as shoko.

word count; 4.5k

contents; shoko ieiri/reader, gn!reader, canon-typical mentions of death (iykyk), angst, hurt/comfort (but not very heavy on the comfort), jjk spoilers (up to chapter 236!!), mild gore (mentions of blood, autopsies and general gore-ish imagery? nothing too bad tho), shoko ieiri deserves better, includes gojo slander (stay safe gojo nation)

a/n; first of all i just wanna apologize to the shoko girlies for writing angst when we’re already so starved of content, i have like 50 fluff drabbles planned for her but chapter 236 threw me into a mental angst pit so </3 yeah. i love my wife!!

shoko hasn’t been herself for a while.

the thought sneaks its way into your subconscious, as your feet carry you to her morgue — a rotten thought you just can’t seem to rinse away.

it’s not very hard to notice. she doesn’t talk as much, for one. not that shoko was ever much of a talker, but now the silence around her is deafening. thick and heavy like the spine of a knife. and she smiles even less.

you can’t remember the last time you heard her laugh.

the crescents beneath her eyes are darker than ever, darker than you thought possible. a murky purple that you’d find soothing in any other context, but like this it’s just revolting. her eyes are deep and dark, the same as ever, but now they’re glazed over with something you can’t quite put your finger on.

apathy, maybe.

or bloodlust.

the scent of cigarette smoke that follows her is suffocating. indistinguishable from her natural scent. you don’t know if she’ll ever be able to scrub the tobacco stench off her skin.

(you’ve given up on counting the exact number of cigarettes she smokes each day. you’re not sure you want to know the answer.)

she doesn’t even look alive, anymore. like some part of her already reached its expiration date. a spectre, wandering the hallways, filling the air with the slow, ominous clacking of her heels.

shoko hasn’t been herself for a while — and it’s so obvious. her grief is so heavy, her sleep-deprivation so severe. you’d have to be blind not to notice it.

so why hasn’t anyone said anything?

you gnaw at your bottom lip, trying to suffocate the bitterness swimming inside your veins. it’s a dumb question, really, because you already know. you don’t want to acknowledge it, because it’s so unfair, but you know. of course you do.

no one has the time to. it’s as simple as that.

no one’s doing well, anymore. not since shinjuku.

not since gojo died.

shoko’s grief is a fickle thing. always with her, tucked away within those eyebags, in the pockets of her coat. in that smell of tobacco, never-fading, always lingering. it follows her like a ghost, like something she’ll never quite be rid of.

(like something she doesn’t want to be rid of.)

shoko’s grief is a fickle thing, and it always has been. but recently, it’s been downright overwhelming. it used to be subtle, the kind of thing you notice if you look close enough. if you squint. if you even care enough to try.

but now, it’s more like a haunting than a simple ghost.

(geto. nanami. yaga. and now gojo, too.

how many people does she have to lose before whatever’s watching is satisfied?)

shoko hasn’t been herself for a while, and it’s obvious, and it’s sickening. she still does her duty to a tee, but she isn’t quite there anymore. gaze always forlorn, as if she’s trying to convince herself of something.

and yet no one says a thing.

everything is one big mess, right now. you don’t want to blame anyone. everyone’s exhausted, completely and utterly spent, but they’re still planning it all out. even in the midst of their mourning. because they don’t have any other choice.

this is not the kind of situation where you should be pointing fingers. a part of you is angry, livid even — but you know the others are doing just as badly. it’s not like you aren’t, either.

still, though. isn’t this just too unfair?

”i brought you coffee!”

making sure your voice doesn’t waver is tougher than you initially assumed. just the sight of her sends a tremor running through your ribs; sunken down in her chair, papers in hand, eyes scanning the pages methodically. papers of what, you’d like to ask — but you already know.

(she’s reading through the post-mortem examination report, again. searching for something you don’t understand. you’re not sure she does, either.)

and she looks exhausted.

try as you might, your voice ends up sounding a little stale, as it flows from your lips and reaches her ears. but the attempt is there — the attempt to sound cheerful, calm. normal. to give her something to hold on to.

shoko looks up at you, and her lips curl in a way you think is supposed to form a smile. it doesn’t. her eyes look into yours but it’s like she’s not seeing you at all.

when you go to give her the cup of espresso, your fingertips touch. only for a second, before she curls her fingers around the ceramic handle. she receives the coffee with a small murmur of thanks, but you don’t notice because you’re too busy thinking of how cold her skin feels.

(cold like a ghost. cold like death.)

shaking away the shivers down your spine, you allow your gaze to trail over the morgue. it looks the same as always. cold, empty. foreboding. today, you think it feels just a little chillier than usual. matching the temperature of the outside world, where everything lies buried in heaps of snow and frost.

hesitantly, you plop down in the seat right next to hers. with such a narrow distance, you can smell the tobacco sticking to her clothing. it makes you want to throw up.

(you try not to look over at the couch in the corner of the room, where a certain someone used to slack off. his awkwardly long limbs would dangle off the edges, and shoko would pretend that she didn’t enjoy his company. you were more than content with silently admiring the smile she was trying to hide.)

shoko doesn’t look at you, professional in the way her eyes run across the files. cause of death: damage to central intestines, subsequent loss of blood. from a cut to the stomach, right below the liver and spleen.

you look away before your eyes can read another line.

leaning back in your chair, you exhale a tiny sigh. desperate to fill the silence with something, anything at all. you scramble for topics, racking your brain.

(what could you possibly tell her that she doesn’t already know?)

”the others are still planning everything out,” you speak, playing with your fingers idly to distract yourself. ”i think it’s going well.”

shoko hums, unaffected. ”that’s good.”

she’s speaking to you, but that feeling of unease still won’t go away. her voice sounds still, flat. empty of emotion. but you can tell she’s trying to be polite.

that’s no surprise. shoko isn’t the type to ever show how she’s truly feeling. she’s not the type to ask for help, either. people come to her for help, not the other way around. that’s all she’s ever known.

(in that sense, the two of them were alike.)

but that just makes it all the more important for you to be there. even if you’re a little awkward, and even if you can’t do much. even if it’s only for a moment or two, you want to see her smile. you want to feel for yourself that she’s really there.

looking over at shoko, you wring your hands together, the cold air of the morgue nipping at your sweaty palms. she’s drinking from the cup, one finger around the handle as her other hand flips through the papers.

”does it taste okay?” you ask, softly. if only you could ask her that under better circumstances, with cups of espresso made with better coffee machines than those at jujutsu high. ”i made it myself, so…”

”it’s fine.” shoko takes a sip. dragging her syllables out, as if mustering the will to speak. ”don’t worry.”

short sentences. almost cold, but you know better than that. she just doesn’t have it in her to pretend that everything is normal, anymore.

and it makes you uncomfortable. this silence.

a couple months ago, it would have felt comforting; a quiet, peaceful kind of solitude shared between the two of you. nostalgic, like the smell of morning dew. or the way moonlight feels on your skin when the world falls asleep.

the silence you had with shoko always felt so tender. a single moment of peace, before the other shoe dropped. just that one moment was enough to give you the hope you needed to make it through another day.

you loved being silent with shoko. you loved her silence, the way she could soothe your very soul without saying a thing.

but now it only stings your skin. you fear that you might drown in it.

there is nothing to say. you want to ask her how she’s doing, but you already know. you want to ask her why she’s still reading the files from gojo’s autopsy, but you already know.

you want to ask her if she can still keep going, like this. but you already know.

she doesn’t have a choice.

(something crumbles, deep inside your chest, like ashes cast into the sea.)

”hey. shoko?”

she hums, again. weak. quiet. absentminded, acknowledging your words but not really hearing them.

you take a deep breath.

”i think i’m going to quit being a sorcerer.”

silence.

for a moment, nothing happens. nothing moves, or speaks. the air is cold and crisp and carries no meaning, no words, nothing at all.

like time is frozen. frozen like all the bodies shoko’s had to dig inside these past few months. frozen like gojo was when she found him in the snow.

frozen like your youth, a glass marble kept in your pocket for moments when you feel as if the ground beneath your feet is about to slip away. then you’d take it out, and look deep inside it. watch the swirling of greens and blues and purples. that streak of indigo right in the middle of the glass. memories of the past, to give you comfort.

to remind yourself of why you’re doing this. to give you a reason to keep moving forward.

(south or north, it doesn’t matter. stay as you are or move forward, look to the past or to the future — none of it matters if you aren’t alive. that’s the conclusion you came to.)

shoko’s expression, too, is frozen. it doesn’t change, even as you let those loaded words fall from your tongue. you watch her carefully, out of the corner of your eye. she doesn’t even look at you, gaze still glued to the tiny letters detailing exactly what gojo’s pulse was at when he got cut.

but something flickers, in the depths of her irises, so fast you barely catch it. something you can’t identify, but it’s still something. it’s movement. it’s alive.

”not right now, obviously,” you elaborate. suddenly a little nervous, now that the words have been made manifest. ”but… you know. once all this is over.”

not sure what else to say, you trail off, fidgeting with your fingers again. voice wavering pitifully towards the end of the sentence, because deep down you know it’s not a question of once, but a question of if.

(if this ever ends. if i don’t die tomorrow, or the day after that.)

you swallow the lump in your throat, and look at her. trying to find her eyes. trying to keep her alive for as long as you can, this sequence of motion, this moment frozen in time.

trying to reach her.

”you won’t ever have to worry about me dying,” you throw in, like the words are light and not heavy as bricks. but you know she needs to hear them. ”i’ll leave, and then — and then…”

staring down at your lap, you link your hands together. exhaling, a little breathless. sheepish, in a way. ”… well. i don’t know. i haven’t thought that far ahead, yet.”

you never had the chance to. you didn’t even really think of it as a possibility, as something you could do. and you know it’s not a possibility for shoko. the choice to be a sorcerer was never hers, from the very beginning.

a user of the reverse cursed technique. capable of healing almost any wound, more power and capability than a child should ever have. invaluable. she’s saved so many lives you’re sure she’ll be reborn as a god.

but the choice was never hers.

a soothing kind of ache blooms in both your palms, as your nails dig into the soft skin. hard enough to form crescents, like the ones under shoko’s eyes, that she’ll never be rid of no matter how much she sleeps. the choice was never hers.

isn’t that just too cruel?

they don’t deserve her. none of them do. the elders didn’t, the jujutsu world doesn’t — not even the students. no one deserves it; everything she does for everyone, day and night, just slaving away in the morgue or her office. cutting up curses and old friends. every second of the day, always that same buzzing of her name being called.

shoko, someone needs healing, come quick!

shoko, i know it’s 2 am and you have work tomorrow, but there’s a curse that i need you to dissect.

shoko, i think i got a paper cut, would you mind taking a look?

none of them deserve her.

you think of gojo. a flash of white hair, a grin brighter than the sun. a bloodstained smile — one shoko had to wipe away.

something ugly claws its way up your throat.

none of them deserve her. especially not him.

what were you thinking, leaving her all alone like this? so much for being the strongest. you couldn’t even stay alive.

why would you die with a smile on your face? do you have any idea how cruel that is to her?

you idiot. don’t you know how much she missed you?

— yeah. none of them deserve her. gojo doesn’t, the world doesn’t, and neither do you. no one does.

what shoko deserves is to live a normal life.

and she never will.

it’s foolish. it’s naive, a juvenile daydream. but you wish for it so, so badly. so much that even just the thought alone feels like too much to bear.

you wish you could bring her with you.

you wish you could take her hand in yours, and run away. leave it all behind, every single thing, without caring about the consequences. you’d hold her hand and never let it go, and then you’d run and run until you were both high on adrenaline and breathless laughter.

maybe you could go somewhere, together. somewhere better. outside of japan, where there are less curses. money wouldn’t be an issue, you both have more than you know what to do with — one of the perks of having a job that’s bound to kill you. you could settle down in some smaller town, peaceful, maybe a little secluded. just to make sure no one finds you.

maybe you could open up a little shop, together. or spend all your days tangled up beneath the blankets, catching up on lost sleep. talking and whispering, like you’d do back at the sleepovers you used to have. you’d make her coffee every morning, and tea every evening. you’d spend the rest of your life trying to make her laugh as loud as possible.

there’s nothing you want more. absolutely nothing. there never will be.

— but you can’t ask her.

you can’t ask her to come with you, no matter how much you want to. that’d be the cruelest thing you could possibly do to her.

she would never agree. you’d only be hurting her more. so selfish, all of these wishes. it was so much simpler back when you were just kids. when you didn’t have to care about duties or responsibilities. when your cognitive empathic abilities were just a little more lacking.

a sigh flows from your lips. resigned, but somewhat hopeful, all the same. tainted with the murmurs of a memory that’ll never happen.

”maybe i’ll open up a bakery, or something.” you tap your fingers against the desk, smiling a little to yourself at the thought. or trying to. ”then you could come visit.”

shoko looks into her cup of coffee. watching the swirling of the vortex, the abyss that gazes back at her. she doesn’t look at you but you can tell she’s listening. then she puts the cup down, and you glance at her now-empty hand.

shoko’s hands have always been pretty. even when they’re covered in grime, or stained with blood. thin, a little bony, smooth skin obscuring clear blue veins. moles litter her hands like stars in the sky; one right beneath her pinkie, another by her wrist. the more you look, the more you find.

tentatively, you broach the distance between you. curling your fingers around her slender ones, where they rest on her lap. linking hands. it’s a slow movement, drawn out and careful, accompanied by the heavy beating of your heart.

(her skin is cold to the touch. your skin buzzes with unease, but you don’t let go.)

then you smile. a small thing, not really optimistic, but the attempt is there. something for her to hold on to. looking deep into her eyes, admiring the hazel glow that never quite left them.

”i’ll give you free pastries.”

a moment passes. shoko’s fingers squeeze around yours — weakly, but it’s there. movement, motion, life. a way of reaching out. a way to hold on.

her eyes continue to trail over the page, but you know she’s not reading any of the contents. you’ve caught her attention. a small victory, but you’ll take what you can get.

”i don’t like sweets,” she reminds you, leaning back a little in her chair. allowing her eyes to flutter shut, at last — and it’s not much but it’s something. a moment of relief for those tired, tired eyes. more tired than any 29 year old’s should be.

”i’ll change your mind,” you promise, mustering up enough will to sound smug. ”my pastries will be out of this world. you’ll get a sweet tooth in no time, sho.”

she exhales a breath, vaguely amused. your smile widens, hopelessly. her happiness was always the root of yours, wasn’t it?

then she looks at you, one eyebrow raised in lazy scepticism. ”can you even bake?”

”nope,” you deadpan. ”but i’ll learn. you’ll see.”

this time, shoko almost chuckles — and it’s more than you’ve gotten out of her in recent memory. god, you missed that sound. a little raspy, from all the cigarettes, but still so honeyed and smooth. hearing it makes you feel as if everything will turn out fine, in the end.

(what a powerful thing, for a voice to do. one so lovely it anchors you to the earth.)

a faux pout curls its way to your lips, and you squeeze her hand lightly. ”don’t laugh, i’m being serious!” your pout shifts into a soft grin, a little teasing. ”i’ll get you addicted to sugar instead of nicotine.”

”haha…”

shoko laughs. shoko laughs and it’s beautiful.

shoko laughs, a genuine laugh, and it’s so beautiful that you almost don’t notice the tears in her eyes. almost.

and then you realize your mistake.

a memory comes to you, then. you recall a hushed conversation, beneath a cloudy summer sky. the air was heavy with the scent of lilacs and cigarette smoke. two people were beside you, and all you cared about was listening to the tilt of their voices. that, and nothing more. a time before everything and everyone went south.

(”you know, shoko. you really should drop those death sticks of yours.”

”i don’t want to hear that from the guy who needs 40 grams of pure sugar every day just to function.”

”rude! and as far as addictions go, sugar is a cut above nicotine, don’t ya think?”

”whatever. just worry about yourself, gojo.”)

by the time you realize, it’s already far too late. the tears have already begun to fall. little droplets of grief, sticking to her skin.

they trickle down the contours of shoko’s face, and fall onto the paper in her hand, smudging the letters. she clutches it tightly, crinkling it, just to make the damage worse. her other hand is still holding yours, chipped nails digging into your skin gently.

but she keeps laughing. low, hazy laughter — pained. she sounds like she’s in pain, and that’s because she is. even if no one ever cares to mention it.

(how cruel, for her to be born with the reverse cursed technique. capable of healing any physical wound; leaving her with too many mental ones to count. never to be healed or acknowledged, in this life or the next.)

you can only stare. helpless to her sadness. her eyes are a little red, and she’s biting down on her lip hard enough to draw blood — a drop of scarlet falls onto the paper, and you think of gojo again.

you think of shoko finding him. running to his side. doing all she could to heal him, to patch him up — getting blood all over her hands and clothes. red everywhere, staining the pure white of the snowfall. like something out of a painting.

she did all that she could. pressing down on his chest, positive cursed energy pouring out from her fingertips in tandem with the snow. pressing two shaky fingers to his pulse point, just in case. just to find any sign of life, absolutely anything. hoping so tenderly that she’d feel the flutter of his pulse. that he’d get up, and laugh obnoxiously, and ask her if she really thought he’d leave her behind so easily.

you’d never seen her look so scared. so desperate, a primal kind of fear you’ve learned to associate with self-driven survival. the way some animals can claw their way out of a predator’s stomach if they’re swallowed whole. but she did that to save him. trying to claw him out, herself. from the belly of the beast.

she did all that she could.

but gojo didn’t do anything. he just laid there, split in two. frozen in time, eternally young. watching the sky. smiling.

(what a wonderful way to die. what an awful thing for an old friend to find.)

before your mind can catch up, your body acts. muscle memory, in the way your arms curl around her midriff to bring her close. tucking her into your side while she sniffles and cries. still laughing, like she’s still trying to convince you that she’s fine. like she’s isn’t falling apart at the seams.

the dam breaks. the ice shatters. everything comes crashing down — and you’re there to pick up the pieces. despite everything.

it’s not enough, it never will be. but at least it’s something.

it’s heart-wrenching, the way she clings to you. like you’re the only thing she has. the dry laughter that spills from her throat devolves into sobbing, her chest heaving as she tries to catch her breath, nails clinging to the fabric of your clothing like she’s trying to anchor herself. broken sniffles fill the space between you as she hides away, in the crook of your neck.

(the sound makes you feel like someone drove a knife from your sternum down to your stomach.)

all you can do is hold her. quietly, delicately. as if she could break if you squeeze her too hard. as if she’d shatter like a sheet of glass if you were to say the wrong thing again.

you hold shoko like she’s fragile. because she is, regardless of what anyone else says. because she’s a human being, and she’s grieving, and she needs this.

eventually, she musters up the will to speak — and it’s awful, raspy, broken syllables she has to force out of her throat.

she chokes on the words like they’re poisonous. like she’s been carrying them around for decades, bubbling beneath the surface, waiting to be let out.

“don’t — don’t end up here,” shoko pleads, voice wavering through the syllables. full of fear. “please.”

you know what she means. she doesn’t have to say it, because you know.

don’t end up in my morgue. don’t end up on my autopsy table.

shoko sounds meek. she sounds close to falling apart. you’ve never seen her like this before, clutching onto your sleeves as if begging you to stay.

“you’re — you’re the only one i…”

she doesn’t finish, cut off by a broken sniffle. but she doesn’t need to.

you’re the only one i have left. i can’t lose you, too.

please don’t die. please don’t leave me behind.

a shaky inhale. your arms tighten around her waist, tugging her closer. praying that she’ll feel the steady beating of your heart, the undeniable proof that you’re alive. that you haven’t left her yet.

you blink away the tears in your eyes, grasping for control over your wavering voice.

“i won’t.”

and maybe it’s cruel, maybe it’s the cruelest thing you could do to her — making a promise you know you might not be able to keep. but you do so anyway. helpless to her sadness. at the complete mercy of her grief. you’d do anything to stop the tears from falling, to soothe the turmoil in her chest.

“i won’t let you be alone, shoko,” you murmur into her hair, with all the comfort you can possibly muster. ”not now, or ever.”

three words yearn to be spoken, resting on the tip of your tongue. three little syllables, desperate to be heard after living in the back of your throat for so many years.

and for a second, you think you might say it.

you think you might say it, breathe life into the statement. you can almost taste it, can almost hear it. can almost see what her expression would look like.

but shoko sniffles, and hugs you tighter. protective, like you’ll leave if she doesn’t. so tightly that it hurts a little.

and you swallow the words, once more.

right now, this is enough. it’s enough that you’re alive, that you’re here. that’s what shoko needs, right now.

she doesn’t need your love. she just needs you to stay alive.

so you will. you decide that you will, no matter what. you’ll leave, and you’ll open up a shitty bakery that won’t get any customers — and you’ll give her free pastries for the rest of your life. you’ll get her so addicted to sweets that she’ll have no choice but to come back for more.

shoko cries like a child. filling the silence of the morgue with her shaky breaths and quiet sniffles, little hiccups and whimpers. the tears never seem to stop, and you wonder how long it’s been since she last let them fall.

you hold her in your arms, smoothing a palm down her back, counting the bumps of vertebra — and don’t say anything. there’s no need to.

for now, the soft patter of your heartbeat is enough.

ijichi stands just outside the morgue, unmoving. not saying a thing.

it’s muffled, hushed and quiet, but still audible. the sound of childlike crying. the kind all sorcerers do their best to keep to themselves.

in his arms lie a bundle of papers. the final pages of gojo’s autopsy report. it’s important that shoko sees them — vital, according to her. something about the six eyes, the possibilities they hold. the hope that maybe, just maybe…

— he clutches them tightly, and then walks away.

#the wlw urge to leave everything behind and start a bakery together……#idk how to feel abt this i just!! needed to get some shoko thoughts out!!! she’s my fave jjk girl and i love the way her grief is portrayed #i just hope gege does her justice but i have a good feeling that he will!! if not its on sight #she’s so special to me. the airport scene hurts sm because she really is all alone now :(( its so fucked up i SOBBED into my pillow #well i mean. she still has ijichi. and i love him dont get me wrong but like. STILL #im delusional tho so i think next chapter shoko will use her rct to heal gojo #and then we’ll get a scene of him leaving the airport with shoko. trust me gege and i are like this🤞#sorry for basing all my titles on siken poems. anyway go read ’i had a dream about you’ its so shoko #shoko ieiri #shoko ieiri x reader #shoko ieiri x you #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jjk x reader #jjk #jjk spoilers #jujutsu kaisen spoilers #jjk 236 #jujutsu kaisen 236 #…. i think. thats all the tags…….

85 notes · View notes

imawh0r3-86 · 1 year

Text

Patching Up Mafia!Eddie After a Deal goes south

It is our lovely Evie AKA @funsonmunson-again’s birthday week! I believe I chose prompt number 13!

warnings: mentions of gun and knife violence, referral to blood, I think like two curse words, mentions of sex, my terrible writing.

You don’t know what’s going on. All you know is that it’s too late for this shit. It’s nearly 3 am and Eddie hasn’t come home. 3 am and you’re restless, having made your 3rd cup of coffee (Honestly it was sugar. Not a caffeine rush.). 3 am and the dogs haven’t stopped following you around, sensing your worry. Cerberus, the newest addition, is whimpering and you’ve tripped over him too many times to count or care.

You’re sure you’ve worn a hole in the kitchen floor with how many times you’ve paced it. A new wave of exhaustion hits you as you cradle your warm mug and you go to sit on the couch across the room, drawing your legs close to your chest. Cerberus comes to sit on your lap and Vecna rests his long nose on your knee.

You can’t stop thinking of all that might have happened to keep Eddie away. What if he’s hurt? Caught? You try not to think about any other implication of that, but of course sitting here, in his house, pictures of he and you in the most strategic places so no visitors could see, his dogs at your feet just trying to understand what was wrong, that plan obviously failed. Your face crumpled and hot tears streamed down your makeup-from-the-morning-before covered cheeks, your cat coming out of one of her many hiding places to curl up on your shoulders. You cry until your tears run dry, mourning what you don’t even know. Then the drowse overtaking you with the warmth of the animals and the hot drink running through you.

You sleep for what felt like 5 minutes, being woken up by the dogs barking and gravel crunching in the driveway, you keep your eyes shut, still trying to comprehend where you are, you hear the door open and close, the alarm beeping loudly before the code is punched in and the door locks.

“Hey boys, sorry I messed up your sleep schedule huh?” You hear his voice, whispering into the still light kitchen. You sit up and see the blood drops trailing along as Eddie walks around, opening cabinets in the kitchen and breaking the seal on a new bottle of bourbon. He’s not noticed you yet.

Diablo is the first to decide that it’s just dad and that you’re still better and saunters back over, nails clicking on the hardwood floor. “Ed?” you called quietly. You see him jump in surprise, instinctively reaching for his piece before noticing it’s you, his broad frame drooping noticeably as he walks over to you, stripping his harness and leg holsters, all the heavy weaponry dropping to the floor, spooking the cat.

You stand, an emotionless look spread on your face, tears of joy filling your eyes just to know he’s alive, standing in front of you, regardless of how hurt he is.

You open your arms and Eddie all but melts, curling his body over yours and wincing as he bent to nuzzle his face in your neck.

“You didn’t have to wait up for me Princess.” He mumbles right into your ear, you can hear his ragged breath under the skin of his tattooed chest.

You pull away from him in surprise, he winces at that too.

“Really? You think I’m not gonna wait up for you when you said you would be home 4. Hours. Ago.” You cross your arms and glare at him.

“Baby’m sorry it’s a new gang, they’re big and it’s- it doesn’t matter baby. Can we please go to sleep now?” He sounds so tired, his voice cracking from overuse.

This causes your gaze and heart to soften and you lead him upstairs.

You crawl into bed expecting him to just throw off his clothes and crawl in with you. But he doesn’t. He looks winded from the simple walk up the stairs, running his hand through his hair before undoing the velcro of his bulletproof vest and peeling it off, face crumpling in pain as he pulls it over his head and starts to unbutton his shirt.

He walks into the bathroom, Cerberus following him and nosing at his hand. Eddie sighs and rubs the puppy’s neck, his collar jangling.

You realize then just now exhausted Eddie must be, it’s how rigid his stance is, that makes you get up and stand next to him as he looks himself in the large mirror, peeling his shirt off to reveal a dark bruise on the side of his abdomen, a bullet shaped crater straight in the middle. He raised his arm and jabbed at it with a finger and hissed loudly.

“Fuckin HELL.” Ed bounced on his heels at the jutting pain.

“Baby that’s what you DON’T do are you tryin’ to hurt yourself more than you already are? What did you do, get shot??” You stepped closer to him and turned his body your way. You see several of the same bruises across his chest and a makeshift bandage made of blue surgical towel on his shoulder.

“Can you not tell by the bullet shaped divots?” He said unenthusiastically, staring down at you with unshed tears of exhaustion and pain in his calf-brown eyes.

|“Oh don’t be such a baby, you’ve had worse.” You feel comfortable enough to joke now that you know you’re boyfriend is not dead in an alleyway with coke in his pocket.

“Kitten, you couldn’t even take the judo flip I gave you yesterday.” Eddie gives you a pointed look while you bend over to get the first aid kit out of the cabinet. He makes no secret of ogling your ass in your PJ shorts, not even taking his eyes off of your hips and the way the tight fabric cups you in just the right place, in your looney tunes shorts mind you, when you turn around.

“Really? You must not be that hurt if you can still stare.” You put your hand on your hip with the kit in the other, eyes narrowed.

"C'mon baby, it's here that's hurt not my eyes!" He gestured down with his bruised hand. You roll your eyes and sit on the counter, beckoning him over to you.

"Kitten, you're really asking for it right now-" He starts with a chuckle, but is cut off by the light pop to his mouth, made by your hand.

"You're the patient. I'm the master." You use the latter word very suggestively and he definitely notices, what with the sudden huff he makes as he comes to stand in between your legs.

You push him back so you can see to pull the makeshift bandage off, revealing a rather gnarly-looking stab wound that had mostly patched itself over already. You look at him with sad eyes, because you can't imagine how much all of these bruises and knicks on his pretty porcelain body must ache and what he went through to get them all.

"What happened?" You say quietly while rubbing an alcohol wipe on the wound before putting a real bandage on it.

"Don't worry about it baby, alright?" He hisses when you poke at one of the bruises. "And leave those alone I'm begging you." Eddie cups your face and shakes it while he says this, his pretty face pleading.

You press a kiss to his nose and drop your hands.

"I can't do anything about those, so I guess you have to let them do their thing." You run your hand down his head to the hair tie holding in his tangled mane, pulling it loose and rubbing his roots.

He nods and steps back so you can get down and follow him to bed.

As you snuggle under the covers, you can't help but be grateful. Grateful for Eddie, for these killing-machine dogs that you love so much laying at the foot of your bed, for the ball of a white cat staring at you in the dark from the highest shelf in the room, for everything.

You and Eddie don't fall into your regular snuggling situation, since spooning would hurt, so you settle for throwing your leg over his and facing him, running your hands over his cheekbone as his breath evens into relaxation but not quite sleep.

"Ed?" You whisper, nearly straight into his ear.

He grumbles in response, his heavy eyelids barely fluttering.

"Please don't do that again.." You give a few butterfly kisses to the junction between his jaw and neck.

"I promise, honey." Eddie scoots a little closer to you, further wrapping his thick arms around what he can reach with the position.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Kitten."

#dfunsonsbdaygame #mafia eddie munson #eddie munson x reader

195 notes · View notes

wellbelesbian · 1 year

Text

carry on pornbots, what we know:

okay, so i’m sure many of you have noticed the carry on pornbot phenomenon that’s started happening, and i’m obsessed, so here is what i’ve put together so far. big thanks to the folks in the carry on server who found all the bots (at least, i think that’s all of them) and decoded some stuff!

if you’d rather see this all unfold for yourself, don’t click read more. but if you want to catch up or just keep your head straight, here’s everything i know:

so, the bots we know of so far, in no particular order. are:

Gareth @bucklemeup342

Daphne @strawberry-spreader-342

Natasha @headmistress-pitch-342

Smith Smith-Richards @the-real-chosen-one-422

The Minotaur @greekfurry342

Lamb @i-assure-you-im-real-223

Braden @youre-an-apocryphal-concept-223

Mitali @head-milf-in-charge-342

Jeff the were-badger @stay-out-of-the-quiet-zone-223

Ginger @level-me-up-223

Lady Ruth @i-eat-the-cake-422

Ebb @other-girls-definitely-count-342

also worth noting @real-cryptid-friend-shep-239, but we will get back to him.

we still don’t know what the numbers in these names mean.

most of the links in the urls lead to the ao3 page for their respective character or a ship they are involved in (for example Braden and Lamb both take you to their ship tag, which is woefully empty). however Jeff’s takes you to his ao3, the imdb page for I Was A Teenage Wereskunk and the wikipedia page for Carhenge.

so, the bots started appearing a few days ago, i think i got my first follow from one on boxing day, or maybe the day after. i didn’t pick up on the first few and blocked them. like many people, they came to my attention when Rainbow posted about them.

since then, Lamb, Braden and Mitali have been active.

first, Braden and Lamb had this exchange:

then Mitali responded to this ask from @thewholelemon

i messaged Ebb asking her to open her asks, and a few hours later when i checked again, all the asks that had previously been closed, such as Ebb and Daphne, had them opened. I’ve sent an ask to Ebb but she hasn’t responded yet.

then Braden reblogged this aftg art

i presume this was an accident and whoever is behind this meant to post it to their main account. or maybe it was a hint? Braden later added:

now seems like a good time to mention that Braden is double verified, which means not only time and effort but money has gone into this. i truly applaud whoever is behind it!

Braden also responded to another ask. this one is anonymous so it could have been sent by anyone.

finally, Gareth just posted this

and then there’s Shepard…

so, this account that resembled the others and was impersonating Shepard was found. in his bio is the link to his ao3 page and a rickroll.

but it isn’t like the others. it was created 3 months ago, it hasn’t followed anyone, and it posted some puzzles.

the first was this

which @raenestee figured out was hexadecimal code and spells out ‘Las Vegas’.

then came

which @thewholelemon worked out was page, line and word numbers in Wayward Son. that spells out “This is not Shepard”

then finally there was this wordsearch

@onepintobean found the word ‘contact’, then @yellobb solved the rest

and that’s all Shepard has given us. it’s funny, but personally, i don’t think it’s the same person/people behind this account as it is behind all the others.

but that’s it for now! i’ve reached the limit for photos i can add and that’s about all the information i can think of. i might add to this, we’ll see how complicated it gets. but either way it’s a lot of fun, especially to keep track of in real time. massive kudos to whoever is running all this!

#carry on bot shenanigans

251 notes · View notes

lorei-writes · 2 years

Text

Trials and Tribulations of an Unconsenting Time-Traveller

Part 18: Outside of sight, outside of heart

OC x Mitsuhide Interactive Previous Parts: Masterlist Ending: Good OR Bad*

Upon closer inspections, I weighted the chances of Masamune making enough progress to make the relationship works, and... I realised it would drag the story out.

However, even though we have our suitor, nothing grants the pleasant ending! >:3 Let’s see in which direction your choices bring us! It seems we are slowly approaching the ending.

Content Warnings: none

“You think yourself quite smart, don’t you?” came words from the outside, although she wasn’t sure what they referenced, nor what she said a moment earlier. “Huh? Why?” she hummed, pulling her knees to her chest. “You assume I haven’t noticed.” “Noticed what?” she yawned, her limbs feeling oddly heavy. “That you are falling into your own trap,” he giggled, although to no reply.

Guide:

Each chapter you will be presented with a choice(s) which will influence the story - a question(s) at the very bottom of the post. Two answers to it are mine, the third one - is completely up to you. You can add your vote by putting one of the options in the reblog / comment below the chapter.

Before I get to writing the next part, I will count up all the votes. The option the story will follow will be either the one with the greatest number of votes, or the one suggested completely by you (depending on which is more inspiring). If no votes appear, I will simply go by my own choice. There is no set time limit of voting - as long as the next part hasn’t been released, assume it’s still okay to vote.

Characters in this story are assumed to be speaking few different languages. The following is assumed: normal dialogue notation = Japanese; dialogue written in italics = English. Any phrases not written in English will be put in the dictionary at the bottom of the work.

Co z oczu, to z serca = Outside of sight, outside of heart

Maria swallowed thickly, her throat growing tight. Sleep… Was not something she’d particularly wish to inflict upon herself again, at the very least not in that moment. Nevertheless, Mitsuhide didn’t appear inviting either, his arms still crossed in front of his chest.

“I might have offered to wait, yet I wish not to needlessly loiter.”

“Yes –” she hesitated from her spot, wind speeding by and drenching her in cold shivers. “I – A moment.”

“Maria. You already are in a sorry state. Go.”

Her hands trembled as she lit the candle, the rustle of fabric leading her to believe Mitsuhide made himself comfortable on the veranda outside of her quarters. Hurriedly, she began to untie her sash, chills gaining on her faster than she expected.

“What is it you wanted to ask?” Maria called, reaching for a change of clothes.

“It is of no importance now,” Mitsuhide sighed, running his hand down his face. He shook his head, pale ember eyes narrowing, gaze searching for something to anchor itself into. Perhaps it was not the time yet to talk of what had transpired, perhaps it would have been better if he first made sense of what he had witnessed just few moments earlier, before they met in the gardens.

“I’m curious,” she insisted, pulling her arm through the sleeve. “You would made something up if you… If you… If you wanted to not tell me, you would have made something up.”

“Do you reckon me this easy to read?” he chuckled.

“Me? Never,” Maria assured in reply, not too careful with her words.

The fabric felt cold on her skin, even if it was dry – and even if her words were incidental, they made the conversation last, one sentence at a time. Her feet beginning to hurt, she sat down close to the door, her back pressed against one of the support beams.

“You think yourself quite smart, don’t you?” came words from the outside, although she wasn’t sure what they referenced, nor what she said a moment earlier.

“Huh? Why?” she hummed, pulling her knees to her chest.

“You assume I haven’t noticed.”

“Noticed what?” she yawned, her limbs feeling oddly heavy.

“That you are falling into your own trap,” he giggled, although to no reply.

Mitsuhide sat still for a while longer, his eyes closed. The wind was gentle, the night seemed to be never-ending – and in all of it, he wondered whether it’d be too early for him to go. He listened in closely, her breathing having deepened significantly, unbroken by any murmurs or howls. Would she sleep until morning? A frown took over his face upon the thought. He rose to his feet – he spent enough of his energy, she surely could manage by herself… Yet he glanced back all the same, the candle still being lit inside. Quietly, Mitsuhide pushed the door open, his eyes narrowing nearly instantly, Maria lying on the floor beside the entrance. A sigh caught in his throat, hairs at his neck standing up as his knees bent themselves, regardless of his approval for the decision. The very core of his indifference trembled, red line peering accusingly at him, hidden behind few strands of hair. Wasn’t it his fault? Although… He was not deserving of seeing it fully, not yet. Having reigned his thoughts in, Mitsuhide forced himself to relax, arms reaching as to pick her up. Her head rested against his shouldered for merely a moment, for merely a moment he allowed himself to think of what-if-s – and merely a moment later, he laid her on the futon. The door soon closed behind him, light having retired for the night. At last.

Czas leczy rany = Time heals wounds

The Sun was high on the sky when Maria awoke, rhythmic knocking on the ceiling drawing her attention – and perhaps having her wonder whether she hadn’t drunk herself to sleep the night before, sharp headache splitting her head in halves. Somewhat surprised, she sat up slowly and looked around. Had she fallen asleep in bed? Had she blown the candle out? She could have sworn… Maria nearly yelped, a hand which clearly wasn’t hers covering her mouth.

“Please, calm down, Miss Maria,” a man crouching behind her spoke, her muscles only tensing. “If I am not mistaken… You too are a future person?”

Her throat grew tight. Nevertheless, she nodded, his grip loosening.

“Please, make no noise,” the man uttered before letting her go.

Maria turned around instantly.

“Who exactly are you?” she blurted out, eyes scrutinising the person before her, his expression unchanged. The man was tall and lean, black-rimmed glasses sitting steadily at the bridge of his nose.

“My name is Sasuke, I’m a researcher in the field of astrophysics… And you, I believe, are my fellow time-traveller.”

“How?”

“I’m afraid we do not have enough time to explain the theory surrounding wormholes. I didn’t expect for another person to be sent back.”

A deep frown came over her face, tips of her fingers curling into her lap. Nevertheless, there was little she could do in the moment, the situation being no less probable than anything that had happened to her ever since the first day of her vacation. Having exhaled slowly, Maria forced herself to relax, sea of thoughts swaying inside of her throbbing head.

“Why are you here?”

“In three weeks, another wormhole will appear. I came to tell you we can go back.”

“I… I see,” Maria hesitated. “Where should I wait? Where should I go?”

“It may depend on my employer. I will see you shortly,” he noted curtly, the commotion outside seemingly alarming him. Having pulled the scarf over the lower part of his face, Sasuke rose to his feet, Maria following by his example.

Her hand on his wrist, Sasuke glanced at her briefly, her eyes wide.

“Say, Sasuke,” she started, her voice trembling a bit. “Who is your employer?”

Perhaps he had miscalculated. “I –”

“How did you find me? Why have we not met before? Why I must be quiet?” she cut him off, her voice raising.

“Maria, I can explain.”

“I never told you my name.”

The world blurred in Sasuke’s eyes, his glasses falling to the floor as some force shoved him against the wall, sharp pain spreading up his arm. Maria called for help, her voice coming from right behind him, her nails digging into his skin as her grip tightened.

What should happen in the next chapter? [After the situation is resolved]

a. Maria should attempt to go about her day as usual. b. Maria should attempt to rest. c. Something else. (what?)

Dictionary

Co z oczu, to z serca – Out of sight, out of heart; idiom - if you lose contact with something or somebody, your feelings will eventually fade away and you will forget

Tag list for the series: @bestbryn @xarexraven

#mitsuhide akechi #ikesen mitsuhide #ikemen sengoku mitsuhide #ikesen #ikemen sengoku #ikemen series

12 notes · View notes

thecurrentonline · 1 year

Text

What Is "Wednesday Star" Jenna Ortega's Net Worth? Updated 2023

Jenna Ortega Net worth: She is an American actress best known for her roles in hit TV shows like "Jane the Virgin" and "Stuck in the Middle." She recently got a lot of attention thanks to her role in "The Wednesday Series." Numerous followers are looking for Jenna Ortega's net worth. the web series How much does she make? You can determine her value with the aid of this article. Why not find out? Jenna Ortega's Career Jenna Ortega began her career in 2012, but she had been interested in acting since she was six years old and had started giving auditions by the time she was eight. She soon made her acting debut in 2012 with the Rob television series. Despite playing a very small part, she attracted a lot of attention. Later, she made guest appearances on CSI, Rake, and other shows. She joined the cast of the popular show Jane the Virgin in 2014, which served as something of a career turning point for her. She continued to work on the show through 2019 and won praise from critics. She soon worked on a number of popular shows, including Wednesday, Richie Rich, and Stuck in the Middle. With Iron Man 3, Jenna Ortega made her film debut in 2013. Later, she was given the opportunity to work on a number of popular films, including The Fallout, The Babysitter: Killer Queen, and Insidious: Chapter II. https://www.instagram.com/p/ClufwvgJzJu/ Jenna Ortega's Salary Unfortunately, the exact age of the 20-year-old is unknown. However, according to Deadline, starting salaries for actors on Netflix series like 13 Reasons Why and Stranger Things were between $20,000 and $60,000 per episode. It's likely that Jenna's starting pay fell somewhere in the higher end of that range given that she was an established, relatively well-known actress by the time Wednesday debuted and she served as its dazzling lead. Given Wednesday's first season's success, it is now anticipated that her salary will continue to rise. It's not improbable to say that Jenna could eventually be making the same amount if Wednesday is renewed (here's hoping!). In later seasons, the stars of Stranger Things and 13 Reasons Why started earning up to $200,000 and $300,000 per episode, respectively. Related Article: Is “Wednesday Star” Jenna Ortega Dating Someone? Jenna Ortega's Sponsored Social Posts After Wednesday, Ortega's Instagram following "exploded," according to Popcrave, who claimed that she added 10 million new followers in just 10 days. The going rate for a sponsored post that reaches Ortega's 31.9 million (and counting) followers as of December 13 is $78,869, and it is only likely to increase in line with her follower count. Now Ortega is using her influence to her bank's advantage. In spite of the sizeable payout, Ortega's feed is carefully curated and free of advertisements; she hasn't published a sponsored post since Wednesday's drop. She isn't above making money off the platform, though. Because I believe it is unhealthy for everyone involved, I must consider my social media as a business platform. In an interview with The Face in November 2022, she stated, "I'd hate to be married to it." "I don't want to worry about how people will perceive me there or how I appear to them." Just get to work! simply posts about work. I'll discuss anything so that people can view me as an actor rather than a spokesperson, which will allow me to concentrate on that. Related Article : Because Of Her Role In Wednesday Many People Think She Is Not Straight Jenna Ortega's Assets And Car Collection Home: American celebrity and highly successful actress Jenna Ortega Since she was a young girl, Ortega has been a citizen of California, where she has spent the majority of her time. She hasn't acquired any personal property as of yet. Car Collection Jenna Ortega has a small car collection despite not driving very frequently. She prefers to move easily because she is still very young. She currently owns a Mercedes, an Audi Q5, and several other vehicles. What Is Jenna Ortega’s Net Worth? Ortega Has Set the Stage for an Exceptionally Successful Screen Career at Just 20 Years Old. She is estimated by celebrities to be worth $4 million. Wednesday is almost certainly going to be renewed, and as her star is rising, her bank account will undoubtedly experience a boost as she bargains her rate on upcoming projects. Name Jenna Marie Ortega Net Worth (2023) $4 Million Profession Actress Monthly Income And Salary $20,000 + Yearly Income And Salary $250,000 + Last Updated 2023 Jenna Ortega Net Worth Growth Net Worth in 2023 $4 Million Net Worth in 2022 $3.75 Million Net Worth in 2021 $3.5 Million Net Worth in 2020 $3.25 Million Net Worth in 2019 $3 Million Net Worth in 2018 $2.75 Million Read More - Netflix Blonde Fact Vs Fiction: Here’s What The Movie Changed And What Happened! - Who Is David Dahmer? Where Is He Now? Everything You Need To Know! Read the full article

0 notes

the-christian-walk · 2 years

Text

WHAT TRUE FREEDOM LOOKS LIKE

Can I pray for you in any way? Send any prayer requests to [email protected]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ** Follow The Christian Walk on Twitter @ThChristianWalk ** Like posts and send friend requests to the author of The Christian Walk, Mark Cummings on Facebook at

https://www.facebook.com/mark.cummings.733?ref=tn_tnmn

** Become a Follower of The Christian Walk at

http://the-christian-walk.blogspot.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The scriptures. May God bless the reading of His holy word.

If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

John 8:36

I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and He will dwell with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then He said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

Revelation 21:3-5

This ends this reading from God's holy word. Thanks be to God.

Today, Independence Day (also known as the 4th of July), millions of people will celebrate their freedom in the United States. They will gather for picnics and cookouts, attend parades, and culminate the day with watching glorious fireworks displays. It’s a holiday where most people are off, a day filled with fun and enjoyment.

But here’s the thing.

There’s a large segment of those millions of people who are not really free because they have not yet accepted the true source of their freedom.

You see, people in America are entangled in their national history and pride so much that they believe freedom is grounded in a day 241 years ago when the nation’s founding fathers signed the Declaration of Independence, establishing the first thirteen American colonies as a nation liberated from British rule and tyranny. And although a democracy was born that day, a democracy we still enjoy today, it only set people free for the here and now. It hasn’t guaranteed anyone a future freedom nor will it.

This is because there is only one way to ensure that you are free now and forever, a truth that has existed since we started counting years AD. Maybe you have never thought about that but why do we use a marker that separates BC and AD anyways? I know you have seen this used all the time but most people fail to understand that the demarcation point is the birth of Jesus.

Thus, BC stands for Before Christ and AD, short for Anno Domini, means “in the year of the Lord”, the time that Jesus came into the world to bring salvation, and yes, freedom. Not just salvation and freedom for the short term but salvation and freedom eternally.

We base the way we look at time and years, the way we look at our history off of Jesus and yet as mentioned earlier, there are millions upon millions of people who don’t even acknowledge belief in Him, a number that reached roughly one third of America’s population in a survey taken three years ago. That’s a lot of people who think they are free, free to choose not to believe in Jesus, and yet they are actually imprisoned within their views of liberty and as far from free as they could be.

This isn’t just my opinion. The word of God from the Gospel of John tells us this:

If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36

True freedom is only found in Jesus, the One who God sent to save all mankind from their sins.

Yes, you can proclaim democracy all you want to. But democracy is a system of government. Nothing more, nothing less. It hasn’t, won’t, nor will it ever bring you or anyone else salvation. Ever. Only Jesus, the Son, can set you free.

Free from what you may ask?

Look at these verses from Revelation 21 and the promise of a new earth and heaven after Jesus returns to judge the earth and take with Him those who believed and trusted in Him as Savior, those who are counted among the free indeed:

He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then He said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Revelation 21:3-5

Here we find the promise and assurance of some of the things a Christ believer will be free from as soon as they accept Him as Savior.

1. Free from death.

Jesus conquered death and the grave after bearing the sins of us all on Calvary’s cross. His resurrection and ascension paved the way for us to follow once we place our belief in Him.

2. Free from mourning.

There will be no more need for grief for we will not lose anything or anybody ever again. We will live forever with God and Jesus, in the company of the other saints who gained their salvation.

3. Free from crying.

There will be no need for sadness as you enter eternity free from all the afflictions and hardships that your worldly life brought upon you. You will only experience elation and joy over having made it across the finish line to claim your part of eternity’s inheritance.

4. Free from pain.

This could mean a lot of things. Pain from the guilt and penalty of sin. Pain from illness or injury. Emotional pain from any number of life events that may have left you hurt.

One thing is certain. There will be no pain in heaven. None. And I don’t know about you but I am looking forward to that.

Indeed, the Lord will one day make all things new in a world that is free from every difficulty we’ve experienced in the past, are experiencing today, or will experience in the future during this temporary life.

So what does true freedom look like?

Look to Jesus, believe in Him, receive Him as Savior, and you will find out.

Amen.

In Christ,

Mark

PS: Please share this with anyone you feel might be blessed by it. Send any prayer requests to [email protected]

0 notes

tetsurouskuro · 4 years

Text

Reunion

pairing: bokuto koutarou x fem!reader

warnings: fluff, smut, slight angst, breeding kink, unprotected sex, public sex, bokuto does the kabedon

word count: 5,006

a/n: this is my submission for the Haikyuu Headquarters second NSFW server collab! this time it’s the prompt “Guess I’ll just have to cum inside you.” you can find the masterlist HERE by the amazing @vixen-scribbles who is my queen so go give her a follow! 💖

thank you @deathcab4daddy & @gallickingun for beta reading, ily guys so much (go give them a follow if you aren’t already)! 💖

now enjoy; feedback is always appreciated! <3

tag list: @miamiya (message me if you want to be included)

Synopsis: Three years has passed since you got your heart broken by your one true love Bokuto Koutarou. A high school reunion is about to take place at Fukurodani Academy. What will happen when you finally meet your ex boyfriend?

MASTERLIST!

≫ ----- ≪·•♕•·≫ ----- ≪

Your eyes scanned the invitation card from your high school. Reading every word that’s written. A high school reunion. The thought alone makes you think of him. Wondering how he’s doing. He may be your ex and the boy who broke your heart, but he was your first and still to this day, your only love, and you knew why he did it. He had his reasons.

He had talked you through it before you both graduated high school. He had told you that he wanted to focus on volleyball and that he was going to move away from Tokyo, and you were not the type to try and stop him. You wanted him to succeed. You also had to think about your future and what you wanted to achieve. Both of you went your separate ways, heartbroken that you could not be together anymore.

Bokuto succeeded in achieving his dream. He was playing in big arenas with huge crowds, on TV and he was a well-known volleyball player. The number 4 ace and captain from Fukurodani made it big, just like he promised you all those years ago.

You sighed and placed the card onto your fridge. There was still one week left until the reunion, and it wasn’t like Bokuto would show up. He was busy with volleyball, especially since a new season just started.

You sigh and turn around to grab the warm coffee cup and head to your couch. Once seated you turn on Netflix and start a random show. Grabbing your phone, you go to the search bar on Facebook and search for your ex-boyfriend. Once the two of you had broken up you had unfriended him immediately. You knew it was going to be hard to get over him, so to save you from having to see his posts and face on Facebook, you removed him.

He’s the first one that pops up. You share mutual friends, so it isn’t that weird. You go to pictures and see him with all sorts of different people, smiling and laughing. Sometimes even looking, upset?

Sighing you close the application, lock your phone, and toss it next to you on the couch. Closing your eyes, you throw your head back against the headrest, hoping and praying that Bokuto doesn’t show up to the reunion.

≫ ----- ≪·•♕•·≫ ----- ≪

Wearing a black evening gown with a front slit, thin shoulder straps, and a pair of black heels you step into the big gymnasium where the rest of all the third years are gathered. A waitress walks up to you with a tray in hand, offering you a welcome drink, probably champagne. You take a glass and nod your thanks. Taking a sip, you sigh and take in your surroundings. People are standing in groups, chatting, and laughing. You see Yamato, Konoha, Haruki, Yukie, and Kaori in the middle. Konoha looks your way and you lock eyes. He smiles widely and waves you over. The rest of the gang turns around and sees you too, all of them start to yell at you to rush over.

You smile at them and head towards the squad.

“(y/n)! you’re here!” Yukie excitedly exclaims.

“Yes. Here I am,” you laugh. “How’s everyone? Haven’t seen you all in ages.”

You stand there talking with everyone. You chug the rest of your glass and turn around to grab another just as a round of applause is heard. You follow everyone’s gaze and see someone enter the gymnasium.

“Hey, hey, heeeeeey!” The voice echoes. A familiar voice.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit!” You chant and shove your champagne glass to Yukie. “I need to use the loo.”

“Wait- (y/n)!” She yells after you, but you’re already headed for the door that leads you towards the nearest toilet.

Your heart is beating hard, you can feel your pulse rising. Adrenaline has kicked in and you feel nervous. You’re breathing heavily as you reach the door, turning around slightly to just peek at the man that has made you react this way.

He hasn’t spotted you yet. He’s surrounded by girls and boys, welcoming their former ace to the reunion. You stand there, the door slightly opened, your body halfway through the doorframe and take him in.

He’s wearing ripped black jeans, a matching black tee, black vans, and a light blue jean jacket. His hair is spiked the same way as usual and his golden eyes are filled with happiness. He laughs loudly and scans the room like he’s looking for someone and then his orbs land on you. The way he gazes at you makes your whole-body shiver and you feel like you can’t breathe. You stand still, watching him watch you for a second more until you turn your body back and go through the door and towards the ladies’ room.

Once inside you stand by the door, back against it, trying to control your breathing.

Okay (y/n), calm down! Act normal and don’t freak out!

After 5 minutes you turn around and push the door and walk out, walking back to the gymnasium. You pass a hallway when suddenly-

“(y/n)?”

“Jesus fucking christ!” You jump. “Don’t scare me like that.” You exclaim and turn around and are met with a pair of golden eyes.

“Ah sorry,” Bokuto speaks, his hand rubbing the back of his head. “I just wanted to see how you were feeling. You rushed out so fast.”

“I’m fine,” you sigh. “I just needed to use the toilet.”

“Oh. Okay.” There’s a long pause. Both of you are silent.

“Bokuto-kun!” A female voice yells out, interrupting the awkward silence and you turn around to see where the female is.

“I should head back. Yukie is probably waiting for me,” you lie. “It was nice seeing you Bokuto,” you smile at him and turn around to leave, but he grabs you by the forearm and pulls you towards him.

“Let’s take a walk around the school. I don’t wanna head back just yet.”

“Bokuto I-“

“Please (y/n)? I haven’t seen you in ages and I just wanna talk.”

“Fine,” you sigh.

“Great,” he smiles. “Let’s go then!” He grabbed your hand instead and intertwined his fingers with yours as he dragged you down the hallway and escaped the voice of the girl that was calling his name.

He suddenly stops outside of your old classroom and you both stand there, panting and trying to control each other’s breathing.

“Felt like a teenager doing that,” he laughs. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just need a moment.” Still panting, you stay silent, and watch his tall frame. You stand up straight and clear your throat. Bokuto turns his body sideways and looks at you.

“Do you think it’s open?”

“I don’t know, but what do you wanna talk about Bokuto?” You speak up, wanting to get away from this situation. “We broke up. We’re exes, we’re not supposed to be like this.”

The silence returns, Bokuto’s eyes never leaving yours. You watch him, still out of breath you feel an aching pain in your chest. You fist both of your hands beside your body, tears starting to form in your eyes.

“I- shit,” you curse and let out a small laugh. “I need to leave.” You’re just about to turn around when Bokuto’s right arm slams itself on the wall to your left, stopping you in your tracks. You press your back to the wall and raise your head so you can meet his gaze. His tall frame towering over you.

“Don’t,” he sighs. “Don’t leave.” You don’t listen to his plea and try to leave again but this time he slams his left arm on the wall, caging you in.

“Bokuto. Let me go!”

“No!”

“I- What?”

“I came to this reunion mainly so I could see you,” he pauses before continuing. “I made up my mind that if you came, I would try to get you back, ‘cause I still fucking love you.” His golden eyes stare right into yours. You can see the determination in them.

“The way we broke things off, I should never have ended it that way. We shouldn’t have ended it that way. If I could go back and change it, I would’ve made you come with me. I was stupid to let you go.”

“Bokuto, I-“

“And stop calling me Bokuto!” he fumes. “You never called me that while we were dating and-“

“We’re not dating now!” You respond, interrupting him.

“I know!” He slams his right fist on the wall, making you jump. You have never seen Bokuto this upset before, not even when you broke up.

“I’m sorry. Shit (y/n) I’m so sorry I don’t know what came over me. I-“

“It’s okay, Bo! It’s… fine,” you sigh out that last word. You let your head hang low, watching the ground, seeing how close his body is to you. You gulp, trying to contain your thoughts. You haven’t had any sexual contact with anyone for as long as you can remember, and seeing Bokuto now, here, this close makes you clench your thighs together. But you would not let your sexual desires over him take over. If he wanted you back, he had to tell you, and apologize.

“When I- We broke up I did it because I wanted to focus on volleyball.”

“Yeah, I know that.”

“Wait, let me finish.” You stay silent and let him continue.

“I wanted you to come with me, I wanted you with me so badly and I thought that I couldn’t let you come with me because I didn’t want you to stop chasing your dreams. Volleyball was my ambition, not yours.” He pauses for a second, collecting his thoughts and breathing before continuing.

“But I was wrong and dumb. I didn’t ask what you wanted, I just assumed and chose for you. I should’ve talked it out with you, asked you if you wanted to come with me and I didn’t. I fucked up,” he takes a deep breath before yet again continuing talking, expressing his emotions.

“Over these past few years, I haven’t been able to let you go. You were always on my mind. You had taken over my head so bad that I started seeing things. Seeing you on the streets, in the audience while I was playing. I never stopped thinking about you. I even stalked your Facebook multiple times and-”

“You stalked my Facebook?” You look up, watching him. Your heart beating fast against your ribcage.

“Yeah, not my proudest moment but I did. I needed to see your face, needed to see what you were doing, and if you were seeing someone. If you were as miserable as I was,” he sighs, his eyes watching yours. “Please (y/n) I am desperate. I want you back. Give me a second chance. I need you back in my life. If you just give me a small chance, I will prove it to you that I will be one of the best decisions you’ll ever make.”

Bokuto sighs out loudly, like he was in pain, and places a kiss on top of your head before sinking so his eyes are in front of yours. His face just mere inches from yours.

“Just give me one chance. Just one so I can have you back. I want you (y/n). I want to be able to call you mine again. I just need one-“

You decide to instead of using words you crash your lips against his. Cutting him off mid-sentence, wrapping your arms around his neck. It only takes Bokuto a few seconds to respond by kissing you back, his body pressing itself close to yours, his forearms bracing him on the wall.

You break off the kiss, bite your lip, and look into his golden shimmering eyes. “I never stopped loving you either.”

“Really? I expected you to have a boyfriend or fiancé by now.”

“No,” you groan. “I tried dating, but nobody compares to you.” He smiles widely at your words. Like a kid on Christmas morning.

“I’ll try to give you everything I can Bo, I’ll try-“

“Everything means nothing if I can’t have you (y/n)!” Blushing you look down, but Bokuto grabs your face in his hands and presses a kiss on your lips again. And again. You fist a handful of his shirt in your palms and press your body close to his, feeling his semi poking you and showing how much he wants you.

“You’re mine, (y/n). I love you so much,” he moans against your lips and then pushes his tongue inside of your mouth. His hands moving to grab your ass, pushing your pelvis against his. “I’m gonna prove it to you. I need you now. No time to waste.”

He pushes himself off you and turns around, trying to open your old classroom door and to his luck it does. His wide smile is back as he ushers you in.

“Wait- Bo! We can’t, not here.”

“Aww c’mon baby, it’ll be fun and besides,” he pauses, still looking at you as he undoes his belt. “I always wanted to fuck you in this classroom back in the day.”

His sentence makes you hurry inside, and you look around the now unfamiliar classroom. You hear Bokuto close and lock the door, the sound of his zipper being pulled down makes you turn around and face him. His pants are undone but still around his hips.

“Come here baby,” obeying, you take a few steps forward and stop once you’re in front of him. Both of his hands grab you by the waist and pull you forward, his lips instantly crashing to yours. His lips don’t stay on yours too long as they start to travel down the side of your neck towards your exposed collarbone. While his lips are giving your upper body some attention, his hands push your dress up, exposing your black lace thong to his fingertips.

Bokuto recognizes the material and stops his movements just so he can peek at your underwear. He grunts.

“Do you… like them?”

“I love them, baby. Jesus Christ.” Bokuto’s lips return to yours, his index and middle finger tracing the outline of your slit, making you squirm. He then removes them and ushers you to get up on one of the desks, and you do, but not before you remove your thong as sexy as you can, and throw it on the ground nearby.

“Babe, you’re gonna be the death of me!” he exclaims in a groan and hurries back to you. His body standing between your thighs. A slight breeze passes making you shudder, your nipples peek through your dress. Bokuto notices this and instantly with both of his hands, he pushes your dress down your arms and chest, making your breast spring free.

“Haven’t touched these girls in years,” he speaks while palming them both. “So beautiful.”

“Bo- I-“

“Shh love. It’s all about you now,” he removes his right hand just so he can tease your opening. Lubricating your core with your wetness before inserting a finger inside you, making you moan and throw your head back.

“Baby. Look at me,” he groans. You pull your head back and watch him. He removes his left hand and places it beside you, bracing all his weight on it while his other hand is occupied with your cunt. His finger going in and out of you, your walls clamping around him tightly. He snickers at how wet you feel around him and adds another finger, his middle and ring finger are fucking you slowly, too slow for your liking.

“Bokuto, please. I want more,” you moan.

“Easy now baby, I wanna savor this moment. Feeling your wet cunt around my fingers after such a long time,” he grunts. “God baby, you’re so wet.”

“I know, it’s all for you Bokuto.”

He licks his lips seductively and leans in closer to you, his breath hits your neck and makes your whole body shudder. His tongue comes out and licks you up from your collarbone to your ear, nibbling at your earlobe and making you let out a sigh in pleasure.

“Do you like that, hmm?” He snickers. “Do you like my fingers inside you (y/n)?”

“Y-Yes Bo, I-I love them,” you moan. He lets out a slight “fuck” as he rests his forehead on your shoulder and thrusts his digits harder inside your wet and aching core. Wanting you to cum so badly. He arches his fingers inside you, making them hit your g-spot.

“Bo, please. I’m so close,” you groan. “I want to cum so badly, please.” You keep on whining to him, the once familiar feeling returning to the pit of your stomach. The pressure in your lower abdomen is getting higher and higher. Your legs start to shake and in just a couple of seconds, you’re releasing yourself around his fingers, your right-hand wraps itself around his wrist, nails digging into his soft skin as you moan out loudly from orgasming.

“Kou!” you scream, your walls clamping themselves around him, his fingers still going in and out of you, your legs shaking and your pelvis grinding itself on his hand. Eyes closed and mouth wide open and panting, trying to get your breathing under control.

After a minute, you open your eyes and are met by a smug smile as he removes his fingers and raises his hand to his lips, licking your juices off his fingers while still maintaining eye contact with you.

“I missed the taste of you baby,” he groans. His long fingers going inside that beautiful mouth of his. A big smile on his lips, his excitement palpable.

Once he has licked his fingers clean, he moves his hands to his pants and starts to pull them down his long legs along with his briefs, his cock springing free and colliding with his lower abdomen. Precum leaking from the tip.

Your eyes are glued on his hard member. It’s as beautiful as you remember, two veins going around his shaft, the pink head craving attention.

Your eyes never leave his crotch as his hand goes down and wraps itself around his hard cock, moving up and down slowly.

“You’re so eager, I love it baby, so sexy when you look at me like that,” his voice speaks, making you look up and meet his golden eyes. He takes a small step forward and with his hand that’s around his cock he traces your lips, mixing his precum with your wetness.

“Wait Kou- Condom!” You moan. The fact that you managed to even utter those words surprised you, but you didn’t know who he’s been with.

“I didn’t bring one,” he answers. “Guess I’ll just have to cum inside you instead,” he groans and rams himself inside you. Your walls clenching around him tightly. Your heat making his cock twitch from excitement.

“Fuck Kou, you- you feel amazing.”

“Fuck, you’re so tight, baby. I can feel you pulsating around me.” He’s still for a moment, letting you get used to him. Had he gotten bigger since you last were with him? Or had it just been such a long time since you’ve had sex? It didn’t matter to you, you loved the feeling of him stretching your walls, making your tight cunt ache for him to move.

His hips backtrack only to force themself back to you, colliding and hitting your g-spot, making you throw your head back and grip the edge of the table hard. Your eyes are closed as you take in all the pleasure that he’s giving you. He repeats the same action, he grunts and you moan at the friction.

“Baby look at me,” he moans, his hand going to your cheek, holding it with his large palm. “I want you to look at me.”

You answer him by moaning, opening your (y/e/c) eyes looking at him, pleasure displayed on his handsome face as he starts to increase both his speed and the power of his thrusts. His hips colliding against yours with a strong force. The pleasure is displayed on your face, a lewd look as you’re loving the way he continues to ram himself inside of you.

“I’m gonna cum inside of that pretty cunt, baby. I’m gonna fill you up with my cum,” he moans loudly, not caring if anyone hears him. He loved the excitement of knowing you could get busted having sex in your old classroom but he didn’t care. He had craved you for 3 long years and he wasn’t going to let this moment pass up.

“I want a future with you,” he continues. “I want to marry you. I want to get you pregnant.”

This makes your cunt clench for him. Your walls clamping themselves tightly around him. Marrying him? Pregnant?

"Oh, you'd like that baby? You want me to breed you, baby?" His thrust hits hard, his cock going deep into your core. His eyes travel down, watching his cock going and out of you. The wetness surrounding it like lube, making it easy for him to thrust in and out of you. His gaze is locked on where both of you connect, watching the way your cunt swallows him whole.

"Fuck baby. Beg for me to fill you, I know you love the feel of my cum inside you."

"Oh god Kou, please fill me with your cum. Breed me," you almost sing. Your voice is filled with all kinds of emotions, pleasure consuming you.

"You want me to breed you, baby? Fill you up with all my sperm," he moans, his hands holding your hips in place as his thrusts got deeper and deeper inside you. The tip of his cock grazing your g-spot viciously, the pressure in your abdomen getting stronger after each thrust. The thought of you swollen with his child made him even harder and closer to reaching his climax.

"Cum for me baby, I want you to cum for me. Cum with me. I'm so close," his thrusts get sloppier and you know he is near his release.

"Cum with me Koutarou. Let's do it together."

"Fuck (y/n)," his whole body stills as he ejaculates inside you. The warmth of his semen spurting in you, coating your walls and you follow him soon afterward. Your eyes roll to the back of your head as you coat his cock with your release.

Your body is shaking from the intense orgasm you just had, your teeth biting into your lower lip and you feel him move, his still hard cock going in and out of you. Bokuto is making sure that his cum doesn’t come out, to make sure you’re bred and hoping you get pregnant from this.

"Mhm Kou," you moan. Your eyes glance up to his face. A big smile was plastered on his lips.

"That was so hot baby. I want more."

"I don't think I can stand," you giggle. His eyes are watching you, the smile on your face making his heart squeeze harder and being filled with all his love for you.

"What now?" Your tender voice asks.

"I'm waiting."

"... On what?"

"For you to calm down before I go for round two,” he smirks.

“W-Wait. Hold on. Round two?”

“You didn’t think I was already finished with you, baby? I’m just getting started.” With that being said, he flips you over. The action making his cock get pulled out from your heat.

You’re bent over and your front is pressed against the now warm desk. His hands start to caress your body, from the base of your neck to your naked ass. He gives your ass some attention before slapping each cheek, making you jump from the sudden action.

"I could just cum from the sight of you," he grunts. "I'm gonna cum inside you again, to make sure you're bred."

"Kou-tarou~," you moan as he enters you without warning, his cock rock hard and coated in both your juices and his semen. His hands holding your hips still as he thrusts deep inside you. Ramming his cock hard into your wet and tight core. His fingertips are digging hard into your flawless skin, leaving a mark but you don’t care. The only thing that’s going through your mind right now is the way his cock is pounding into your wet and swollen cunt.

"I won't stop until you're dripping with my cum, to be sure you're pregnant with my child," he almost screams. "Jesus fuck baby the way you clench around me is wonderful."

Your cunt clenches harder around his cock, the thought of being pregnant with his child makes you reach some kind of bliss that you never thought you could. The soft image pops up in your mind for a second, but it’s soon gone as one of his hands grabs your shoulder, his other following suit.

You can feel his semen leaking out as he continues to ram into you, and you know he notices it cause he lets out a snicker.

"My cum is seeping out of your pussy, but I'll fill you up again baby. I'll fill you up again and again."

"Kou- I'm gonna cum again," you moan. Your left hand holding the edge of the desk while your right one is in front of you, trying to grab something and it does as Bokuto's right hand comes forward and intertwines with yours, clamping around it. His body pressed against yours. Feeling his breath on your neck.

"Say it, baby, say what I want to hear."

"P-Put a baby inside me Koutarou please."

"Fuck yes," he moans vocally, biting down on your neck as he fills your cunt with his cum, the feel of his cum inside you again makes you clench around him and you reach your climax.

"Yeah, my cum makes you orgasm so fucking hard right baby?"

"Mhm," you answer, too worn out to even form your own words.

You press the side of your face on the desk and close your eyes. You're breathing heavily, so is Bokuto. His warm breath hitting your neck, making goosebumps form on all of your body.

"(y/n)?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm getting soft."

"Oh my god!" You giggle.

"Stop. You're making me fall out, stop it!" This makes you laugh out loud, this man who just minutes ago went all sex god on you is now filled with concern.

"Are you alright though? I wasn't too hard? Or rough? Or-"

"Baby, you were perfect," you answer in a giggle, interrupting his worrying self.

There's a comfortable silence surrounding you both, not a single word is uttered. The only sound is the sound of your breathing.

Suddenly you feel him move and pull himself out of you. Bokuto is fast with tucking himself inside his briefs and pulling his pants up, buckling his belt too. While doing this, you feel his cum seeping out from your hole.

"Hold on I'm on it," his voice speaks and you can hear him look for something to clean you up with. "This will do."

He's back fast and with some paper towels that are not very nice to your lady parts, and he cleans you up. The feeling of the paper made you wince, both from being sensitive and roughly fucked by your ex and now boyfriend, but also from the paper not being soft enough for your liking.

"I'm done, there," he softly speaks, his voice filled with tenderness but also worry, that it was hurting you. He wasn't. He was doing something so much more, and you loved him for that.

Getting up and getting dressed was the part where it got uncomfortable for you, his eyes stared at you as you dressed, fixing both your gown and hair, making it not look like you’ve just been fucked.

Your thoughts wander to what had just happened. Was this just some kind of roleplay or did he want to impregnate you? Not that it mattered for you, you couldn’t care less because you got what you had wanted for years. Him.

Once you’re done you turn around and see that Bokuto is already watching you, a big smile on his lips.

"What?"

"Nothing. You’re just so beautiful I can stare at you all night.”

"I-" you blush. “Thank you.”

"Now,” he says as he takes a small step forward and grabs you by the waist, pulling you closer to him. His smile still there and you can see how his eyes are glowing.

“I love you,” he kisses you. “I love you so much (y/n). You’re the love of my life.”

"Again."

"Huh?" He turns his head to the side, not knowing what you mean.

"Say it again. I need to hear it again." With confidence, he grabs your face in his hands and holds you in place. His eyes watching yours and with the softest smile on his lips, he says:

"I love you.”

"I love you too." You sigh in happiness and he seals your lips with a passionate kiss. Both of you smiling through the kiss in pure bliss.

He pulls away and grabs your hand and starts to lead you out of the classroom and in the opposite direction of the party. Confusion consumes you as you speak.

"Kou, baby. The party is that way," you giggle and point down the other side of the hall.

"I know. We're not returning."

"We're not?" You ask in confusion.

"No."

"Why not?" He stops in his tracks and you collide with his rock hardback. He turns around, smirking.

"We have 3 years of lovemaking to do and I want you in my bed when doing that." He returns and walks you out and into the parking lot, leading to his car and a future of you and him together again. Nothing could stop you now.

#haikyuu!!#bokuto koutarou #haikyuu!! smut #hqhq server collab #bokuto smut #bokuto x reader #bokuto koutarou x reader #hq #haikyuu #haikyuu smut #sanda writes #my writing #smut

6K notes · View notes

viastro · 3 years

Text

in a span of three months | joshua hong

ミ★ synopsis: in which you teach joshua how to live.

ミ★ genre: strangers to lovers!au, terminally ill!reader, angst, fluff, some humor

ミ★ warnings: mentions of depression (not mentioned heavily), implied suicidal thoughts and intention (very brief), major character death

ミ★ word count: 20,351

ミ★ pairings: joshua hong x gender neutral reader

ミ★ notes: hi guys ! here’s the longest oneshot i’ve ever written so i’d like to apologize in advance BSJKGBDKB i just wanted to mention that this isn’t necessarily realistic before you go into it, and that the reader’s illness is not mentioned in this oneshot as i didn’t want to explicitly list one. i hope you guys enjoy this oneshot, it’s my best work and i put a lot of time and effort into it <3

ミ★ taglist: @coppertrashi @magicalhannie @brinnalaine @minluvly @wonunuu @suhfluffy @shuajeong @euphorencia @imjustuhhvibing @minghao-will-be-the-death-of-me @shuahaeee @jaeyuni @sunflowergyeomie

january 2, 2021

The date flashes back at you from your lockscreen, and a breath escapes you as you turn off your phone. Your leg bounces against the floor in anxiousness as you wait for him to tell you the results from your recent test.

“I’m sorry, yn.” You slowly look up towards your doctor, seeing the grave expression on his face. Your grip on the chair tightens when he folds his hands together, turning towards you.

“We estimate that you only have three more months to live. We will give you medication…” The rest of his words are tuned out as your gaze falls down to the table, the sound of your heartbeat is loud against your ears. You bite the inside of your cheek, listening to it thrum.

I’m dying, yet I can feel my heartbeat right now. I can hear it. It’s beating.

I’m alive.

You stand up from your chair when Dr. Park does, and you give him as bright of a smile as you can muster when you bow towards him. He stares at you with pity in his eyes, and you hate it.

You hate it so much.

“Eat whatever you want, do things you’ve always wanted to do. Live your life, yn. I’ll see you at your next appointment.” Dr. Park tells you, and you nod your head. Giving him a small smile, you grab your bag and walk out of the room, tightly squeezing the strap as you exit the hospital.

Once outside, you suck in a deep breath of air, having felt as if you were suffocating in that building the longer you were in it. Rubbing the back of your neck, you look over towards the Han River, seeing the Banpo bridge shine brightly during the night.

Letting out a sigh, you head in the direction of the bridge, deciding to walk home rather than take the bus like you usually do. Your heart remains heavy as you look around at your surroundings, wondering what you should do during your last few months of living.

It’s strange.

Having a known deadline on your own life.

As you make it onto the bridge, you turn your head to look out along the Han River as you walk. The slight wind from the water breezes past you during the night, and you somehow find that it’s the only thing able to calm you down from the raging storm within you. Letting out a small smile, you notice how pretty Seoul is at night.

With the city lights shining brightly back at you, the busy streets roaring with life even during the relatively late hours. The bright stars glowing down from the sky, surrounding the beautiful moon that reflects its light across the Han River.

“Ah, life is beautiful.” You mutter softly, turning your head and looking forward. You raise an eyebrow when you see a blonde head of hair standing in front of the railing along the bridge, just staring out at the water. Coming to a stop, you stare at the person a few feet from you, wondering what they’re doing.

Your eyes trail down to see his hands gripping the railing tightly, and you tilt your head at the sight. Taking a few steps forward, the man seems to have not noticed your presence. He just looks out across the water with a blank stare, the whites of his knuckles becoming more prominent when he tightens his grip again. At this point, you decide to interrupt.

“Hi.” You greet cheerfully, and the guy blinks out of his dazed state from the sound of your voice. He slowly turns his head towards you, and you feel warmth flood your face immediately at how ethereal this man is.

His platinum hair falls softly over his forehead, wisps of it flying up slightly due to the light wind. His deerlike eyes stare into yours, and you find that they emphasize his beautiful features that much more. However, the exhaustion is evident in his gaze.

“Hey.” The stranger replies, voice soft and airy, somehow matching his appearance even though he seems tired.

“What are you doing?” You ask, stepping forward so that you’re now right beside him. His eyes widen slightly, before they relax to their normal size. He shrugs his shoulders, glancing over at the road when a car drives by. “Just standing on the bridge.”

You give him a close-lipped smile, tilting your head as you press on, “Why?”

“Just cause.”

You nod your head, turning around so that you can rest your forearms onto the railing. Raising your hand up, you rest your chin on the palm of your hand, letting out a sigh of content as you lay eyes on the beautiful scenery once again. The ethereal man turns to glance at you, wondering what you could possibly want.

“Live your life.” You say in a soft tone, and he simply blinks at you.

“What?”

You turn your head towards the pretty man, “Life is short when you think about it. It can suck a lot of the time, as well as be unfair, but sometimes…”

Your voice trails off as you look up at the stars, realizing just how small you are in this great, big universe. “Sometimes it can be beautiful.”

The stranger tilts his head up and stares at the sky along with you, a comfortable silence settling over the two of you as you do so.

“I wish I could see it like you do.” You look over at him, finding that he’s still staring up at the sky. His breath is visible due to the cold temperatures, and you watch as he lets out a sigh. He turns towards you, giving you a heartbreaking smile, “Life hasn’t been kind to me.”

The two of you stare into each other's eyes for a moment, and you find that you’re more similar than you originally thought. You feel the exact same way about life, and you’ve asked life for years, why you? Why did it have to be you?

You could never find the answer.

And so, you smile at the stranger, who tilts his head at you, wondering how one can be so bright and cheerful. You reach into your pocket and pull out your phone, handing it towards him after you unlock it. He raises an eyebrow as he reaches out and takes it, “You know I could totally just take this and run, right?”

You nod your head, letting out a quiet giggle that rings in the blonde’s ears. He finds the sound to be rather pleasant. “I know, but I have a feeling you’re not that type of person.”

He purses his lips, nodding his head in agreement. Glancing down at the cellular device, he sees your wallpaper, a photo of you holding a cat with a big smile on your face. His eyes trail back up towards your face, as if to ask what you want him to do with your phone.

You sigh with a teasing look on your face, and you take the phone from his grasp, opening up the contacts menu before holding it back out towards him. “Put your number in.”

The blonde’s eyes widen slightly, before he tentatively types in his number, handing it back to you. You grasp the phone in your hand, a breath leaving your lips when you finally learn his name.

“Why do you want my number?” He asks, and you look up from your phone, giving your new friend a smile.

“Since life hasn’t been kind to you, I wanted to be.” You answer simply, and he stares into your eyes with an indecipherable emotion to them at your answer.

After a moment, he turns his body towards the railing of the bridge again, staring out at the city without saying anything else. You follow suit, resting your forearms onto the cool metal as you breathe in the fresh air.

“My name is yn.” You tell him in a soft voice, not expecting a response. A few minutes pass when you finally hear his voice say,

“My name is Joshua.”

Joshua taps the eraser of his pencil onto his notebook, blankly staring off at the projector screen while he tunes out everything the professor is saying. The only thing on his mind is you, the person he met last week on the bridge.

You haven’t contacted him yet, and he’s beginning to wonder if you were just a figment of his imagination. That deep down, he wanted to stay, so his consciousness created a positive person to appear right before him, convincing him to live another day.

“Yn.” Joshua whispers underneath his breath, and he tilts his head to the side, having not realized how nice your name was until this very moment. He only pays attention to the lecture when his professor announces the homework, and he quickly jots down the page numbers to read. Throwing his bag over his shoulder, he steps out of the auditorium and begins to walk off campus.

Some university students would usually go and meet up with their friends after class to go and eat, or they’d go and meet their significant other to study together. Then there’s Joshua, who does neither of those things.

“Hey Josh.” The blonde nods his head at his boss in greeting, letting the door close behind him as he walks over into the back to change.

Everyday Joshua just goes through the motions, doing what he has to do to survive, as dramatic as that sounds. Go to uni, work a six hour shift to pay for his tuition, head home and study, then barely sleep. He wakes up the next day and does it all over again.

Joshua has gotten used to the feeling of being numb.

He tiredly ties the apron onto his waist before going and washing his hands. The call of his name makes him glance up from the floor as he wipes his hands on a paper towel, his boss appears at the doorway, holding the notepad and pen towards him.

Joshua sends him a tight smile, stepping forward and taking the pen and paper from his hand. He feels himself get a pat on the back as his manager walks past him, and he lets out a breath, before walking out into the restaurant.

His eyes trail over to two women seated at a booth, waiting for their orders to be taken. Joshua doesn’t feel like going over there yet, as the words you told him that night ring in his head.

Live your life.

Joshua scoffs quietly, remembering the bright smile you showed him. He looks down at the notepad in his hand, wondering how you could find life to be so beautiful when he’s never seen it that way. His head snaps up when he hears his name be called, and he immediately walks over to the table, clicking open the pen.

“Hi. What can I get started for you guys today?”

“One sikhye please!” The woman nods her head at you, and you smile as you hand her the correct amount of money. She hands you your order number, and you walk over to the other side of the food stand, waiting to be called.

Your hands make their way into your pockets, your hand wrapping around your phone. Tilting your head, you remember the pretty blonde you met on the bridge. You suck in a deep breath of the cool air, looking up towards the sky to catch the beginning of the sunset. A smile makes its way onto your face at the different pink and orange hues of the sky.

You fail to notice the blonde head of hair looking in your direction, wondering how you always manage to have a smile on your face. It’s only when you feel that tingly feeling of someone staring at you that you look back down, turning your head to find those deerlike eyes boring into yours.

Your mouth drops open in surprise, and you grin happily, raising your hand up and waving towards the ethereal man.

“Hi Jos-” You’re cut off when your order number gets called, and you hold up a finger at the blonde to signal him to wait, before quickly grabbing your sikhye and walking over to him.

“Hi Joshua.” You finally greet properly, taking a tiny sip of the sweet rice drink as he stares at you quietly. He clicks his tongue, tilting his head at you, “You never texted me.”

Pursing your lips at the fact that he was waiting, you slowly hold out the drink in apology. Joshua glances down at it, before looking back at you with a raise to his eyebrow.

“Don’t you want it?”

“Take my apology drink.”

“But you just ordered this-”

“I can buy another one.”

The corner of Joshua’s lip quirks up slightly, before he takes the drink from your grasp and takes a sip. You let out a smile, before pointing back towards the drink stand, “I’ll go buy myself another drink and then we can hangout.”

You’re about to turn around when you feel a hand grasp your wrist, stopping you from walking over. Your eyes slowly glance down, before they trail back up to see Joshua staring at you, straw in his mouth as he takes another sip of the sikhye.

He lets go of your wrist and walks over to the stand himself, ordering the drink for you. You’re left flabbergasted as he hands the employee his card, and you watch as a blush rises to the woman’s face the longer she communicates with the pretty man.

Once he’s handed his order number, he walks back towards you, seeing the shocked look on your face. He raises his hand up and waves it in front of your face, and you finally look back into his eyes.

“Why do you look so shocked?” Joshua asks, slightly biting on the straw as he awaits your response. Your mouth opens and closes, before you just let out a huff, reaching out and hitting Joshua’s arm softly. He still feigns pain, his hand reaching up and rubbing the area.

“Ow.”

You giggle at his reaction, “Thank you for the drink, Joshua. Except now I feel like the apology drink I gave you doesn’t count since you bought me one.”

Joshua shrugs, looking back over towards the drink stand when he hears your order number be called. He shoots you a glance over his shoulder, “Consider it a gift.”

It’s only when Joshua walks back and hands you the sikhye that you wonder how he’s been doing. You stare at him for a moment as he places the receipt into his wallet, and you find that the darkness under his eyes is still evident. You even think they might be a bit darker than when you first saw him as he looks back up at you.

“Is something on my face?” Joshua asks when he notices the furrow to your brow. Your eyes widen slightly and you shake your head, giving him a reassuring grin. “I just thought you were handsome.”

Joshua’s mouth drops open at your honesty, while you internally panic at the fact that that was your coverup for staring at him. You watch as a tinge of pink appears on his cheeks, and you honestly find the sight so endearing that you have to look away.

“Let’s go to the arcade!” You exclaim, not wanting to acknowledge the fact that you called him handsome as you point towards the colorful arcade down the block. Joshua raises an eyebrow, running a hand through his hair when he nods his head. “Okay.”

The two of you go on your way to the arcade, walking in a relative silence, the sounds of you both taking sips of your sikhye filling the quiet. Joshua pushes open the door for you, and you smile, nodding your head at him.

“What a gentleman.” The blonde lets out a scoff at the nickname, and you giggle at his reaction once he steps inside after you. You both walk over to the machine that gives you the game card, and you quickly shove your credit card into the slot before Joshua can, effectively paying for the game card the two of you will share.

Joshua rolls his eyes as he takes another sip of his drink, “You should’ve let me pay for it.”

You don’t respond, instead heading over to the racing games without another word. Joshua pauses when you glance over your shoulder with a smile, “Consider it a gift.”

He watches as you skip towards the game with the motorcycle, the sight of your bright smile still imprinted in his brain. He shakes his head as if it’ll clear his thoughts, before following after you.

Joshua’s head falls back onto his pillows as he stares up at the ceiling of his dark room, the comforter resting over him.

He’s always had trouble sleeping. It started out by him sleeping later and later as he grew older, until he could only fall asleep at around 4 or 5 in the morning.

Joshua’s eyes trail over to the window beside him, and he lets out a quiet huff when he sees that the moon isn’t shining back at him. The stars are a bit dim, but they’re still evident in the dark sky.

He looks back up towards the ceiling, and he closes his eyes when the thought of your smile comes into mind again.

Joshua glances at you when you let out another giggle, and he finds himself wondering for the nth time how you can be so happy. You rest your head onto his shoulder for a second while you laugh, and he freezes slightly at the contact.

“Your face when I beat you at air hockey was so funny.” You manage to say through your laughing fit, reaching up to cover your mouth with your hand in an attempt to stop more giggles from pouring through. Joshua rolls his eyes playfully, remembering how happy you were when you won the arcade game.

“Was it really that funny?” Joshua asks, and you nod your head with an incredulous look on your face. He lets out a sigh, placing his hands into his pockets as he looks up towards the night sky. The two of you fall into a comfortable silence, just enjoying the scenery as you calm down from the joys of the arcade.

You turn your head to look at the blonde, “Did you have fun tonight?”

The blonde doesn’t respond right away, instead letting his head fall so that he’s now staring at the sidewalk while the two of you walk to the bus stop. You nod, understanding that he probably didn’t enjoy the games as much as you did.

“It’s okay if you didn’t. I know a few people who don’t actually like arcades-”

“I enjoyed it.” Joshua answers, turning to look at you with a close-lipped smile on his face. He watches as your eyes practically sparkle back at him from the sight. “Really?”

Joshua nods his head, and you raise your hands up to your warm face, feeling accomplished. He looks away from you as the two of you continue to walk, finding you to be rather endearing. Once the two of you make it to the bus stop, you turn around to face the ethereal man, giving him a bright smile that makes his heart stutter within his chest.

“I’m happy you had fun, Joshua. I’ll make sure to text you this time!” You say happily as the bus pulls up, and you raise your hand up to wave at him.

Joshua keeps his hands in his pockets once you turn around and head onto the bus. He watches as you walk towards the window seat, immediately pulling open the window once you sit down. You give him another smile and a wave, and he tilts his head at you.

It’s only when the bus pulls away from the curb that Joshua raises his hand up and waves back at you.

Joshua’s eyes glance over to the window again, and he decides that you were brighter than all of the stars in the sky tonight.

He manages to fall asleep earlier this time, around 2 am.

Your smile was the last thing on his mind before he did so.

Joshua sits at his desk, mindlessly doing his homework as the soft guitar instrumental plays in the background of his room. He taps the eraser against his bottom lip, before pressing the led onto the paper again.

The sound of his phone receiving a notification captures his attention, and he glances down at the cool metal, seeing an unfamiliar number. He slides up on his lockscreen and reads the message.

you: joshua ! it’s me yn >:D

The blonde lets out a breathless chuckle, lifting up his phone and sending a response back.

joshua: so you actually texted me this time

you: don’t make me feel bad ! D: i was busy after i met you that night

i gave you my sikhye last week to make up for it !

The corner of Joshua’s lips quirks upwards at your use of emoticons, knowing that you most likely pouted as you typed the message.

joshua: it was very good

you: i know right

anyways, do you wanna hangout later today? i wanna go to the park to take pictures when the sun sets

joshua: so you’re using me as your professional photographer

you: of course :3

joshua: pft

you: see you at around 5 <3333

joshua: i’ll see you

The blonde sets down his phone, running a hand through his hair as he looks out his window. The blue skies stare back at him, and he watches as a few birds fly past. His eyes trail back over towards his laptop, and he sighs.

“I’ll finish this assignment before I start to get ready.”

It’s only a few hours later that Joshua’s walking towards the park, hands in his pockets as he listens to the sound of life around him. He looks around at his surroundings, about to enter the park entrance when he catches sight of a tteokbokki stand.

He watches as a couple hands the lady some money, before she prepares their bowls that will hold the yummy rice cake. He specifically eyes the mozzarella cheese she layers over it, and Joshua suddenly wonders when he became hungry.

“I wonder if yn would want some.” Joshua mutters to himself, tilting his head the longer he debates on whether or not to spend his money.

He fails to notice you standing not too far from him, smiling as you watch him practically waddle in place as he stares at the food stand. You walk up to the blonde, reaching out and resting your hands on both of his arms, peering over his shoulder.

“Are you hungry?” Joshua chokes on his saliva at your sudden appearance, causing you to double over in laughter and apologies as you try to help him breathe properly. He squints at you when he finally regains his composure, still clearing his throat as he pats his chest.

“I’m literally so fucking sorry.” His eyes turn into slits at your apology, watching as your shoulders shake from the laughter you’re trying to hold back. Joshua gently pushes you with his hand, before turning around and walking into the park, tteokbokki now forgotten.

“Joshua! I’m sorry!” You laugh from behind, walking faster in order to catch up to him. Joshua doesn’t respond, but he doesn’t pick up his pace either, instead letting you hurry to his side. You smile at him, peeking your head in front of his face so that he can look at you. “Do you forgive me?”

“You thought me choking was funny.”

“True.” You admit, and Joshua scoffs at your answer, rolling his eyes teasingly as he nudges you with his shoulder again. You grin happily, nudging him back as you pull out your phone from your pocket.

“The sun is setting which means we probably only have 20 minutes to take the best sunset photos known to man. You’re my designated photographer today, remember?” Joshua begrudgingly takes the phone from your grasp, and you walk onto the relatively empty field of grass, raising your arms up towards the sky. The blonde just lets out a sigh loud enough for you to hear as he goes onto the camera app,

“Ah, what a tragic life I live.”

“You should be happy that you’re photographing such beauty!” You shout, and the corner of Joshua’s lip quirks up when he sees the furrow to your brow. He lifts up the phone so that you’re in frame, but peeks his head out from behind it.

“Do you want me to just take a billion photos?” He asks, and you give him a thumbs up. The blonde nods his head, going back into photographer mode as he starts to take photos of you.

You’re quite surprised at how seriously Joshua’s taking this photography gig, with the way he’s angling the camera and the straight face he has on. You find yourself giggling at the sight, causing the blonde to pause when he sees your smile through the camera.

Your eyes widen slightly when you see him stiffen, realizing your laughter might’ve accidentally thrown him off his game, “Was my giggling bad? Sorry!”

Joshua shakes his head immediately at your apology, lowering your phone from his face so that you can see him properly. It’s as if your heart stops when you do look at him.

His platinum hair is flowing a bit with the wind, similar to when you first met him that night on the bridge. His deerlike eyes are boring into yours, and you find a tinge of pink dusting across his cheeks as he runs a hand through his hair.

Joshua hides his face behind your phone again, wanting to capture your reaction when he says,

“Don’t apologize. Your smile is pretty.”

Your mouth drops open at the compliment, having not received one from the past couple weeks of knowing the man. Joshua captures the moment on your phone, a breath leaving his lips when he sees a smile make its way onto your face.

“Thank you.” You mutter, radiance to your features as you start posing again underneath the sky painted with various shades of pink and purple. He nods his head as he continues to capture more photos of you, silently wondering how he finds you to be prettier than the beautiful sunset behind you.

“No problem.”

You stare into those lovely brown eyes with a determined look on your face, making the blonde raise an eyebrow at you in confusion. He reaches his hand out towards you, and you stare at it, wondering what he’s going to do.

“Ow!”

It only results in you rubbing your forehead with a glare, while Joshua just goes back to drinking his coffee—now happy about flicking your forehead. You slam your fists gently onto the wooden table, and the ethereal man just stares at you in silence.

“You know what we should do?” You ask, and Joshua stays quiet, knowing you’re going to answer the question anyways. A grin makes its way onto your face as you give him jazz hands, “Go to the store so that I can buy groceries because my fridge is low.”

Joshua lets out a sigh, giving you an unimpressed look as he turns to face out the window. He’s not surprised, really. The last time the two of you hung out was just Joshua accompanying you to the library so that you wouldn’t have to return your books alone.

“Come on! I’ll buy you any snacks you want while we’re there. Besides, grocery shopping is fun.” Joshua continues to sip from his drink, somehow not surprised that you find restocking your food supply to be fun either.

“Well, more fun when you’re with someone at least.” You correct, and the blonde finally peeks at you, seeing the knowing smile on your face. He glances out the window, shrugging his shoulders in an attempt to appear indifferent. “As long as you buy me the snacks I want.”

“Of course, Joshua. What kind of person would I be if I didn’t buy you your favorite snacks?”

“No, not those snacks. Those are expensive.” Joshua just stares at you in silence, bag of chips in hand as he watches you reach out towards the off-brand version. You pick up the bag, holding it out towards the pretty man and waving it for good measure. “These are cheaper and taste the same. Trust me, Joshua.”

“You told me that you’d buy the snacks I wanted if I went grocery shopping with you.” Joshua mutters with a pout to his lips, and you simply flash him an apologetic smile as you toss the bag into the cart while taking the original one from his grasp and returning it. The blonde scoffs, nudging you with his shoulder, and you giggle as you walk off towards the next aisle. “Yes, but we’re on a budget here.”

Joshua pushes the cart after you, listening contently as you explain what you’re missing at your apartment and what food you should make for dinner. His eyes follow your movements as you gesture with your hands, now explaining a story of how you almost set your toy kitchen on fire when you were younger.

Your eyes twinkle underneath the fluorescent light, and your lips are turned upwards in a warm smile as you look back on the memory. Your voice is soft but cheerful as you tell him about the memory while throwing in some items into the cart, and Joshua finds that there’s a lump in his throat as he watches you giggle.

You turn your head to look at the blonde, just to find his pretty eyes staring at you with an indecipherable emotion in them. Feeling warmth flood your face from his stare, you look down at the cart to place the box of tea in your hands.

“What’s on your mind?” You ask, proceeding to walk out of the aisle to go to the bread section. Joshua stays quiet for a moment, staring at your fingers peeking out of your sweater paws as your arms swing back and forth.

When you don’t hear a response, you move to glance back at him, only to pause when he pushes the cart forward so that he’s now walking right beside you. Joshua raises his hand up and fondly pats your head, making your eyes widen at the sweet gesture.

You slowly turn towards him, just to find the smallest hint of a smile on his face. Warmth floods your face at the lovely sight, and you can’t help but feel slightly disappointed when Joshua’s hand falls back onto the cart handle.

The two of you gaze into each other's eyes in silence for a moment, and you begin to wonder when that hint of a sparkle began to show in Joshua’s eyes over the last month of the two of you hanging out. He turns away when he feels the tips of his ears turn red, looking over towards the bread aisle. You watch as he takes a step forward with the cart as he suddenly says,

“Let’s get this bread.”

You let out a loud laugh at the old meme, startled at the fact that Joshua even said that as you follow after him.

As Joshua watches you choose the bread you want while also picking out some cookies for the two of you to share on the way to your apartment, he finds himself feeling content for the first time in a long time.

“Hope you enjoy it.” Joshua says as he places the last dish onto the table, giving the customers a tight smile before walking back over to the register. He rests his head into his hands, grimacing at the oncoming migraine he knows will come later in the hour.

He peeks through his fingers to look at the clock, seeing that he’s still on shift for another three hours. The blonde lets out a quiet groan, wondering if his boss has any aspirin he could possibly take.

The sound of the bells chiming from the door opening is what has him look up, trying to mask the pain from his headache as he stares towards the entrance. His eyes widen slightly when he sees you standing there, a bright smile on your face as you wave at the pretty man.

“Yn?”

You quickly walk up towards Joshua, feeling happy that you were able to come visit him during his shift. You slam your hand on the counter that keeps the two of you separated, while raising ₩20,000 towards his face with your other. Joshua simply raises an eyebrow at you, wondering why you look so determined.

“I’ll have your favorite dish from here and for you to eat it with me during your break.”

“Are you trying to buy me, yn? My favorite dish is only 7,000 won-”

“Now don’t make me sound like a bad person! You should be grateful I’m buying us food—your favorite nonetheless.” You whine, and Joshua just chuckles at the pout to your lips. You squint when he doesn’t take the money from you, only for your mouth to drop open in protest when you see him pull out his card.

“Joshua!”

“I’ll pay for the meal. It’ll keep me safe since you wanted to buy me-”

“I did not!” You laugh, watching as the receipt comes out from the printer after he pays for the meal. He places his card back into his wallet, before motioning towards a booth near the wall. “Go sit down, I’ll let my boss know I’m going on my 30.”

You nod your head, walking over to the booth and sitting down on the rather worn out cushions. While you wait for Joshua, you rest your head onto your arms over the table, closing your eyes. A sad smile forms on your face when you hear your heartbeat in your ears, a reminder that your time left here is dwindling.

It’s been a month and a few days since you found out about your ill-fate on that cold, January night.

However, you haven’t found yourself thinking about your inevitable doom as often as you thought you would. Instead, you’ve been spending your days hanging out with Joshua, and using your nights to plan out the next place the two of you should go to.

You don’t know when you decided to spend your last three months trying to help Joshua see the beauty in life.

But as you look up from the table and see his pretty eyes starting to sparkle at you when he places the food down onto the surface, the corners of his lips quirking upwards as he explains how his boss was teasing him,

You realize that you wouldn’t want to spend them any other way.

The two of you walk down the street side by side, taking sips of the sikhye you bought for the both of you to make up for the meal. The comfortable silence is settled over you guys like a blanket, not needing any words to be able to spend time with each other contently.

You take a peek at the beautiful man, suddenly noticing that the dark eye bags that once adorned his features have diminished significantly. The roots of his platinum hair are beginning to grow, but it seems like he doesn’t really care.

You wouldn’t care if you looked like Joshua, either.

He’s too pretty.

“Who?”

God fucking damn it.

You immediately look away from Joshua’s curious gaze, warmth flooding your face at the fact that you just blatantly announced that he was too pretty when the two of you were walking in a relatively comfortable silence.

“Cha Eunwoo from Astro.” You lie, and the blonde nods his head in agreement after a moment, turning back to face the front. Silence falls over the two of you again, and you’re incredibly grateful that he didn’t ask more questions.

But you also find yourself a bit disappointed at the lack of them.

When the two of you end up at the front of your apartment building, you both turn towards each other to say your goodbyes. However, as the streetlight lays over Joshua’s blonde hair, almost mimicking the appearance of a halo, you realize you don’t really want the night to end.

“Thank you for visiting me at work, yn. Make sure to text me when you get into your apartment.” Joshua tells you with his soft voice. You hum in response, shifting from one foot to another. “Thank you for the food. I’ll try to visit more.”

Joshua nods his head, raising his hand up to send you a tentative wave. “I’ll see you later, yn.”

You smile softly, waving back at him as he turns around and starts to walk away. An internal battle goes on inside you as you try to figure out what you want to do, watching as his figure gets smaller as the distance grows between you.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you shout out:

“Do you wanna come in and watch a movie with me?!”

Joshua pauses at the question, like, physically and mentally freezes. His eyes are wide as he stares at the pavement, and he wonders why his heart is beating so fast in his chest at the question. There’s a small breeze that passes the both of you, and you bite your bottom lip.

The silence is deafening.

Joshua slowly turns to glance at you, and you feel your heart sink slightly at the shocked expression on his face. You’ve come to realize as the two of you look at each other, that you asking him to come in was a mistake. So you open your mouth to tell him he doesn’t have to,

“Okay.” Your mouth remains open at his answer, believing that you must’ve just imagined him agreeing to your suggestion.

And so you respond, “Heh?”

Joshua huffs, walking over so that the two of you are only a foot apart. He squints at you, and you furrow your eyebrows in response to the expression on his face.

“Yes. I’ll come in and watch a movie with you.”

“Oh.”

The two of you stare at each other for another moment. With you just gauging what he said while Joshua stands in silence, amusement and shyness written across his features.

You suddenly let out a gasp, the fact that he said yes now sinking in as you step over towards the entrance and slide your card so that the doors will open. Joshua chuckles at the obvious embarrassment on your face when the doors finally open and you gesture towards the inside of the lobby.

“Let’s go up.” You say with a tight smile, and the blonde nods his head, following after you as the doors shut behind the both of you.

The way to your apartment is rather quiet, except for the quiet chuckles Joshua lets out whenever he glances at you and you having to elbow him in the stomach.

When you finally unlock your door and the two of you step inside, you suddenly realize all of your medication that you have to hide. You turn to face Joshua as he slips off his shoes and steps into the pair of slippers you have for guests, and his beautiful eyes land on you, signaling that you have his attention.

“You can go and sit on the couch, I just need to tidy up a bit.” The blonde nods his head, watching as you scurry off to your bedroom, shutting the door behind you. He lets out a breath, before walking over towards the couch, gaze travelling around your cozy apartment.

His eyes latch onto a framed photo on the table next to the couch, and he carefully picks it up, feeling warmth flood his chest at the sight.

You’re standing underneath a fully bloomed cherry blossom tree, a bright smile on your face as you look at the camera. Your arms are lifted up towards the sky in excitement, a habit of yours that Joshua has noticed in the month that he’s known you.

He gently places the photo back down onto the table when he hears your bedroom door open, and he looks over to see you now dressed in a set of strawberry pajamas. The sight is so precious to behold that Joshua lets out a soft smile, and your eyes widen when you see it.

He smiled. This is the first time you’ve seen him smile.

“Are my pajamas funny to you?” You squeak out in an attempt to not make him uncomfortable by mentioning his smile. Holding back from slapping yourself at your strange tone, you just watch as Joshua nods his head, an emotion akin to warmth flooding his beautiful eyes as he stares at you.

“I expected nothing less from you, yn.” Joshua responds softly, and you find no sign of teasing in his voice. You cough into your shoulder, breaking the eye contact as soon as you feel heat rush up to your face. Reaching out towards the remote, you turn on the TV and point towards the couch.

“Go sit and choose a movie, I’ll go and get us some snacks.” You tell the blonde, and he plops down onto the worn out sofa as you walk into your kitchen. His eyes trail after you for a moment, before he turns back to the TV and starts scrolling through your Netflix.

You come back a few minutes later with snacks in hand, just to smile at the movie he chose. Joshua glances towards you, quietly thanking you for the snacks as you settle down beside him, making sure to place a bit of distance between the two of you.

“Have you watched this?” Joshua asks as he takes a bite of popcorn, and you nod your head, turning to him with a grin. “A Silent Voice is one of my favorite movies.”

Joshua’s mouth drops open into an ‘o’ shape, before suggesting if you want to choose another movie. You shake your head, instead grabbing the remote from the table and pressing play.

“You chose it, so we’re going to watch it.” You mumble, leaning back into the couch and taking a sip of your water. The blonde’s eyes linger on you as the opening of the movie plays, wondering how one person could be so kind, so bright.

You feel Joshua’s eyes on you. You know that he’s staring at you.

But you know that your heart would just go feral and your face would turn warm if you look back. So you blindly reach out towards him with your hand, turning his head to face the TV instead. You retract your hand afterwards, a small smile on your face as you notice Joshua shaking his head in disbelief at your actions.

“Watch the movie.” You mutter, warmth flooding your cheeks as you try to appear indifferent. The blonde takes another bite of popcorn before turning back towards the TV, trying to suppress his chuckles.

The two of you watch the movie in silence, except to offer each other snacks or to shit on one of the characters you each dislike.

It’s nice. Joshua thinks to himself at one point, turning to glance at you when you giggle at a specific scene. He looks back at the TV, biting back a small smile from forming on his face, This is nice.

When the movie hits the 45 minute mark, Joshua finds that you haven’t been taking any sips of your water or stealing some pieces of his popcorn. He’s about to comment on one of the characters when he feels a weight slump onto his shoulder.

“Yn?” Joshua asks quietly, turning his head to look down at you. Your eyes are closed, mouth slightly open as you release puffs of air. He lets out a smile when he realizes you fell asleep, reaching out and patting your head softly.

“Silly.” He mumbles, before taking a glance at the clock and sees that it’s already midnight. The blonde carefully grabs the remote that sits on the table and turns off the TV, before moving the snacks and drinks off the couch to the best of his ability as he tries not to wake you up.

Once he’s done with that, he carefully settles you down onto the cushions so that you’re laying comfortably. He takes the throw blanket from the back of the couch and lays it over your body. Letting out a breath once he’s finished, he grins at the angelic expression on your face as you sleep peacefully.

“I’ll see you later, yn.” Joshua says softly, before turning around to walk towards your door.

Except for the hand that grasps onto his own, preventing him from taking another step.

He slowly turns to glance down at you, seeing you with your eyes still closed, hand holding onto his. Joshua makes a move to carefully release the grip you have on him, but freezes when you say in a soft voice,

“Stay.”

Joshua stares at you, unsure of what to do as you continue to hold his hand.

“You don’t want me to stay, yn.” Joshua mutters, an indecipherable feeling flooding him when your grip on his hand tightens a bit.

“Stay with me, Joshua.”

And so he does.

He scoots you over on the couch, wondering whether or not he’s gonna fall to his inevitable doom during the middle of the night as the two of you can hardly fit on the small surface. Carefully, he lays onto his back, staring up at your ceiling as silence fills the room, the fuzzy throw blanket covering you both.

You turn over so that you’re facing him, and your hand falls onto his stomach. The blonde just listens to the sound of your steady breathing, wondering how you fell asleep so fast as he feels himself beginning to become drowsy. After a few minutes, his eyes softly fall shut, breathing now matching your own.

Joshua finds that sleep comes easier tonight.

You’re seated on the bench, waiting for Joshua to arrive as you stare at the date on your phone.

february 17, 2021

Letting out a breath at the harsh reality check, you tap your shoe against the pavement, turning off your phone to look out towards the road.

You have a month and a half left.

“When did time move so fast? Whenever I was in the hospital it moved so slow.” You mutter, a sad smile gracing your features as you look around at all the people walking past you. Turning your head, you suddenly lock eyes with those deerlike eyes you’ve come to know.

Your once sad smile turns into one of pure joy as you stand up from the bench, waving your hands excitedly as Joshua walks over to you. The blonde reaches out and pats your head in greeting once he’s a foot away, and you chuckle in response, ignoring the fact that your heart rate is a bit faster now.

“How were classes?” You ask as the two of you begin walking towards the cat café. Joshua mentioned in passing a week ago that he wanted to go to a cat café, so you set up a reservation for the two of you.

The blonde purses his lips, realizing that he’s been enjoying attending classes a bit more as of recently. You gaze at him expectantly, grinning when Joshua simply just nods his head and looks back at you. “It was alright. I was excited thinking about the cat café though, so I’ll probably have to add some stuff to my notes later.”

“I expected you to be more of a dog person, if I’m being honest.” You state, and Joshua looks back towards the front, letting out a small grin.

“I am.”

“Then what are we doing going to a cat café that I made reservations for a week prior?”

The blonde shrugs his shoulders, turning to you with mirth filling his pretty eyes. He motions towards your phone, and you raise an eyebrow, raising it up so that the two of you can see it as it unlocks. Your mouth drops open when you see your homescreen, the photo of you and your old friend’s cat that was taken a couple years back, and all the pieces suddenly come together.

“Joshua! Did you only say you wanted to go to a cat café because you knew I liked cats? That ruins the whole purpose of this-”

Joshua cuts you off by simply holding open the door to the cat café, and you blink in a state of stunned silence, having not realized that the two of you have already arrived. He chuckles, “I’m a dog person, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like cats. I’ve always wanted to go to one, so hurry up and go in.”

Pursing your lips, you walk into the café, but not without poking the middle of Joshua’s stomach as you do so, letting out a satisfied grin at the sound of his quiet squeak. Your mouth immediately drops open when a black and white cat snuggles up to your legs, and you kneel down, petting the soft fur as you let out inaudible excited sounds.

Joshua lets the door close behind him, the sound of the bells attached to the door letting out a little ring throughout the café. He glances down, seeing you happily petting the cats before the two of you have even ordered.

“Yn, I’ll go order for us.” Joshua tells you, and you simply nod your head without a verbal response, still softly squealing as more cats walk up to you. The blonde lets out a breath, shaking his head with the hint of a smile on his face as he heads over to the register to place your guys’ order.

You regretfully stand up from the floor, hoping the cats will follow you as you walk over to the table you reserved. You sit down in the booth, watching as Joshua converses with the employee as he orders the food and drinks.

Resting your chin on the palm of your hand, you smile fondly when Joshua glances around to find you. Your heart warms when his eyes finally land on you, a grin forming on his face as he walks over to you.

“There was a cat laying on the table behind the employee at the register. He was so cute, I hope he comes over to our table.” Joshua tells you as soon as he sits down into the seat across from you, placing the receipt onto the wooden surface. You open your mouth to respond, only to let out a quiet squeal when a cat jumps onto the empty space beside you.

“Hi pretty!” You greet, sparkles in your eyes as the cat nuzzles against your hand, asking for more pets. Joshua smiles at the sight, unlocking his phone and taking a photo of you happily petting the tabby cat. The sound of the camera shutter catches your attention, and you turn to glance at the source, seeing Joshua smiling fondly down at his phone screen.

“Did you take a photo of me playing with the beautiful cat?” You ask with a teasing grin on your face, not expecting an answer from the pretty man. You stroke the cat’s head fondly, only for your hand to stutter when Joshua says,

“You looked cute.”

A brief moment of silence passes between you, with Joshua staring at his phone, and you listening to your heart beat against your ears as warmth floods your face. Your brain tries to formulate a response, but it can only form inaudible screeching noises. So instead, you turn your head to glance at the blonde, only for your eyes to widen when you see a fluffy grey cat trying to get his attention.

“Joshua!”

“What?” He asks, looking up at you when he hears the urgency in your tone. You point towards the cat sitting patiently beside his chair, and Joshua furrows his eyebrows in confusion, turning to where you pointed, only for his eyes to widen when he locks eyes with the cat.

“You followed me from the register!” Joshua exclaims in a soft voice, reaching down to pick up the cat. You let out a bright smile as Joshua coos at the precious animal, petting the cat softly as his eyes sparkle with joy.

“Yn, this is the cat I wanted to show you.” He tells you, letting out a soft chuckle when the cat nuzzles his head into Joshua’s chest. You nod your head, about to respond when the waitress walks up to your guys’ table and begins to place your order down onto the surface.

“Thank you so much!” You say, and the waitress gives you a smile, bowing her head in response. She makes a move to leave, only to stop when she sees you and Joshua continue to play with the cats that stayed near you both.

“Would you like me to take a photo of the two of you?” You and Joshua pause, both turning to glance at the waitress as she stands by your table, a knowing smile on her face.

You and Joshua don’t have a single photo together in the month and a half that you’ve known each other. You’re not sure how he feels about his photo being taken, as he’s usually the one behind the camera rather than in front of it when the two of you are together.

Taking a peek at Joshua to see his reaction, you notice the indecipherable look on his face, and that’s how you know his answer. You give the waitress a small smile, moving to open your mouth when you see Joshua’s hand outstretched towards her through your peripheral vision.

You turn your head to look at him, only to see that he’s giving her a grin, phone in hand as he nods his head. “That’d be nice, thank you.”

Joshua lifts up the cat in his lap and stands up from his chair, taking a step forward and sitting down in the booth beside you. You continue to stare at him in silence, the slight shock evident on your features when he finally turns to glance at you. He gives you a soft smile, before pointing towards the waitress preparing to take your guys’ photo.

“Say cheese!” She says, but you continue to stare at Joshua, watching as he smiles at the camera, raising the cat’s paw as if he’s saying hello. Warmth floods your heart as you turn towards the camera, a bright smile on your face as you hold up your cat’s paw as well, matching Joshua’s pose.

As you lay in bed hours later, you turn your head towards your bedside table when you hear the vibration of your phone. Reaching out, you pick up the cool metal, seeing a few messages from Joshua.

joshushushu: [attachment 4 images]

thank you for taking me to the cat café :3

i think you’re some sort of cat whisperer based on how many cats came up to our table lol

it’s late, so you’re probably asleep

i’ll text you in the morning ^^

sweet dreams, yn

You tap on the images Joshua sent, and you let out a smile when you see the first photo is of you smiling happily down at the tabby cat, softly petting her head. Downloading the image, your thumb swipes across the screen, and you feel warmth flood your face at the fact that it’s the photo of the two of you. Except you’re not staring at the camera.

You’re staring at Joshua.

There’s a fond smile on your face, eyes sparkling brightly at him as he smiles at the camera, seemingly having no idea of the fact that you’re staring at him rather than the camera. Biting the inside of your cheek, you download the image and swipe to the left, now seeing the photo of both you and Joshua smiling at the camera, a cat paw in hand as you each make them wave for the photo.

You download the photo before swiping to the left one more time, and your breath hitches when you lay eyes on the image.

You’re laughing happily down at the tabby cat who was protesting the grabbing of the paws for the photo, not paying attention to posing anymore. While Joshua is now staring at you, the softest of smiles on his face as he watches you laugh with the cat.

You let out a shaky breath, zooming into the photo and seeing that he really is looking at you.

He’s looking at you as if you’re the most precious thing in the world.

You download the image, a small smile on your face as you go to your settings and replace the homescreen you’ve had for the last two years, exiting the app to now see the photo of you and Joshua as your wallpaper. The warmth from the photo covers you like a blanket, and you turn off your phone, placing it back down onto your bedside table.

You roll over onto your side and close your eyes, ignoring the harsh reality check that’s looming in the back of your mind in order to try and retain that happy feeling.

You fall asleep with lingering thoughts of pretty cats and Joshua Hong’s smile.

“Thank you, have a good rest of your day.” Joshua says warmly as he hands the to-go bag to the customer. She gives him a smile, reaching into her pocket to take out ₩15,000 and place it onto the table. The blonde’s eyes widen slightly, and he looks back up at her in a stunned silence, as if to ask if she really means it.

The woman nods her head, “You deserve it. Thank you for the food.”

Joshua watches as she leaves the restaurant, still shocked as he watches her figure disappear out the door. He glances back down at the ₩15,000, reaching out and picking it up from the counter, eyeing the money for a moment.

“I’ve been working here for six months.” Joshua mutters quietly, taking the ₩15,000 and placing it into his apron. He lets out a grateful smile, grabbing the spray bottle and towel to go and clean some tables.

It was the first tip he’s ever received.

“See you on Friday!” Joshua calls out as he pushes back the curtain to exit the kitchen, only to stop and turn back when he hears his boss call out to him. The older man walks over to Joshua, grinning and resting a hand on the blonde’s shoulder.

“I just wanted to tell you that you look great lately.” Joshua raises an eyebrow, wondering what could’ve changed. He does a onceover of his own appearance, and his boss lets out a laugh, shaking his head.

“I mean you in general. You look happier, brighter even. I’m happy for you.” Joshua blinks in surprise, before letting out a small smile. He bows his head as his thanks, and his boss pats his shoulder once more and turns around to walk back towards his office.

Joshua lets out a breath, before closing the curtain behind him and walking over towards the exit. He tilts his head, “How does a person look happy?”

He pushes open the doors and moves to step out from under the cover, only to pause when he registers the rain falling onto the road. He sighs, glancing down at his empty hands, cursing himself for not bringing an umbrella.

“Guess I have to sprint-”

“Joshua!” The blonde’s eyebrows furrow at the voice, and he looks up, seeing you hurrying over with a bright yellow umbrella. It’s a stark contrast to the rather gloomy atmosphere and all the black umbrellas around you. His heart rate picks up at the sight of your smile, watching as you make your way over until you’re standing a couple feet away from him.

“How’d you know I forgot my umbrella?” Joshua asks teasingly as you hand him the yellow umbrella, taking it from your grasp and holding it over the two of you as you begin to walk down the sidewalk.

“Had an intuition.” You answer with a grin, and he rolls his eyes. The two of you update each other on how your days were, chuckles exchanged as you explain how you made the best kimchi fried rice of your life.

“You should make it for me sometime.” Joshua says, and you peek at him, smiling and nodding your head.

“Of course, Joshua.”

The two of you fall into a comfortable silence, walking close beside each other in order to fit under your small umbrella. It’s when you’re close to Joshua’s apartment, and the streets are relatively quiet, that Joshua glances over and notices your hand sticking out of the umbrella. He watches in silence as you let the rain hit your skin, moving your hand as if it were a wave in the ocean.

“Your hand is getting wet.” Joshua points out, and you pause, turning to him as warmth rushes to your face at the fact that he caught you. You give him a bashful smile, nodding your head as you let your arm fall back to your side. “Yeah.”

“Why?” You notice that he looks genuine, there’s no teasing tone in his voice, no mirth in his gaze as he stares at you. He just wants to know why you were letting your own arm get wet. You break the eye contact, looking down at the ground as the two of you continue to walk.

“I just realized I’ve never played in the rain before.”

Joshua stares at you for a moment longer, having not seen you so shy about something you wanted to do before. He lets out a breath, turning away as he reaches up and closes the yellow umbrella, promptly removing the shield that had been protecting the two of you from the rain.

Your eyes widen as you feel the rain hit you, and you turn your head, seeing Joshua place your umbrella down on the sidewalk. He looks back towards you, raising an eyebrow when he sees the shocked expression on your face.

Joshua simply just closes his eyes and tilts his head up towards the sky, outstretching his arms as he feels the rain soak his clothes. That’s all you need to see for a smile to finally form on your face, and you let out a laugh, raising your arms into the air and spinning around.

Joshua opens his eyes when he hears your laugh, and he looks over at you—only to feel his breath get taken away. The rain falls softly from the sky, landing on you as you laugh happily, a bright smile on your face. Time seems to slow down as he stares at you, heart stuttering in his chest as he watches you spin around, pure joy radiating from your features.

He’s reminded of the first time the two of you met on the Banpo bridge almost two months ago, when you told him that life was beautiful and he didn’t understand how you could see it that way.

“I wish I could see it like you do.” Joshua mutters, and you look over at him, finding that he’s still staring up at the sky. His breath is visible due to the cold temperatures, and you watch as he lets out a sigh. He turns towards you, giving you a heartbreaking smile, “Life hasn’t been kind to me.”

As Joshua watches you dance in the rain, he realizes that he finally understands what you mean.

Life is beautiful.

You lay in bed, still shivering even after having taken a hot shower as soon as you finished dancing in the rain with Joshua a couple hours prior. With a shaking hand, you pull up the comforter closer to your chin, wondering when you’ve become so frail, weak you should say.

“At least Joshua hasn’t noticed anything.” You mumble, knowing that your time left is short as you’ve been feeling more tired as the days go by. Rolling over, you look out the window to try and get sleepy, seeing the moon staring back at you.

Your hand slips out of the covers, reaching out and grasping the air as you tried to reach for the moon. Letting your arm fall back onto the bed, you let out a breath.

You always wondered if you’d ever be able to reach the moon and the stars when you were younger.

“Yn?” Turning your head, you see Joshua standing by the door to his bedroom. His blonde hair falls softly over his forehead, almost hiding his pretty eyes from sight. You watch as he walks over, reaching out and resting his hand over your head when he notices you shivering.

“Do you want another blanket? You’re shivering.” Giving him a soft smile, you shake your head as you simply pull the comforter up more.

“Why are you still awake?” You ask, and he stares at you for a moment.

The corner of his lips quirk upwards, “I should be asking you the same thing.”

“Touché.”

Joshua chuckles, patting your head fondly before pointing back towards the bedroom door. You peek through the doorway, seeing his dark living room. “I’ll go back to the couch. I just wanted to check on you.”

It’s when he’s about to leave that you reach out and grasp his wrist softly, promptly stopping him from taking another step. He turns to look back at you, seeing the same shy look on your face that he saw earlier.

He’s reminded of the night where the two of you slept on the couch a few weeks prior, having experienced this exact scenario before.

“Mm?” You bite the inside of your cheek, not wanting to respond. Instead, you weakly pull him towards you, and he takes a few steps towards your bedside.

The two of you stare at each other for a moment in silence, numerous questions flooding your guys’ brain as you do so. However, you can only bring yourself to mutter out one word.

“Stay.”

Joshua’s stare doesn’t waver, and you feel yourself growing more embarrassed the longer you wait for his response. You fully believe that he’s going to say no with the way he doesn’t hold your hand in return, and your belief comes true when he lets your hand fall back to the bed.

It shouldn’t hurt. You know that you shouldn’t have gotten attached to him, or let him become so close to you.

You’re going to die anyways.

Joshua turning down your request is for the best. It means there are still barriers between the two of you, that the last time you woke up with his arms wrapped around you was just a moment of weakness. That it won’t happen again.

The regret pools in your heart as you watch him turn and walk away, and you wonder whether or not you should apologize for even asking him in the first place.

Only for your eyes to widen when you see him walk to the other side of the bed, pulling up the comforter and climbing in. He arranges his pillows, before laying down and turning over onto his side, now facing you.

You stare at him in shock, and he squints at you in amusement. The blonde reaches out and pokes your forehead, snapping you out of your surprised state. He chuckles, “You asked me to stay, so I’m staying.”

A smile finally makes its way onto your face, and Joshua lets out a breath at the sight. The moonlight rests over you, illuminating your features beautifully, even in his dark bedroom. He feels himself smile back at you, eyes softening with fondness as he stares at you.

You tentatively reach your hand out, trying your best to hide the shakiness to it as you let it rest on Joshua’s cheek. He doesn’t seem unphased from the touch, he just continues to stare into your eyes as the look on your face softens.

“You look best when you’re happy.” You say quietly, and the blonde doesn’t respond. You watch as tears slowly fill his eyes, and your eyebrows furrow. You’ve never seen Joshua cry, not once in the time you’ve known him. Unexpectedly, Joshua’s hand comes out from under the covers and rests over yours, encompassing your cold hand in warmth.

“I want to be a better person for you.” Joshua mutters, blinking away the tears as he tries to look at anything else in his room. You shake your head, your own heart breaking within your chest at how vulnerable he looks. You swipe away the tears from under his eye, and his eyes flit back to you, watching as a soft smile forms on your face.

“You… you have always been more than enough, Joshua.”

The blonde lets out a breath at your response, before his eyes softly fall shut. Your heart is warm within your chest as you let your eyes linger on him for a moment longer, his hand still resting over your own as he tries to fall asleep.

Your gaze trails over back towards the window, seeing how bright the moon and millions of stars are in the dark sky.

You may not have reached the moon and the stars like you originally wanted.

You look back towards Joshua, content washing over you when you listen to his steady breathing, seeing that he’s already fast asleep. You remove yours and Joshua’s hand from his cheek, letting it rest onto the mattress. A smile escapes you when you feel his hand tighten softly around yours in his sleep. After a moment, your eyes slowly fall shut with Joshua being the one to keep you warm, hand holding your own as the two of you fall asleep facing each other.

But you’ve reached the sun, and that’s more than enough.

You stare at your medicine, wondering if you should even take it when you don’t have much time left. Shaking your head, you let out an aggravated sigh, taking out the pill and dry-swallowing it.

You immediately regret dry-swallowing the large pill as you grab your glass of water, taking a large gulp to try and swallow it properly. Letting out a cough, you walk over to your fridge, not even feeling hungry as you stare at the food in it.

march 18, 2021

It’s been two months.

Your time is running out.

You’re about to grab a small container of yogurt when you hear your phone go off, and you glance over to see the screen lit up. Closing your fridge door, you walk back over to the counter and pick up your phone, a grin immediately forming on your face when you see that Joshua texted you.

joshushushu: be ready at 8 later, i’ll come pick you up !

you: so you’re the one planning now, huh?

since when were you coming for my career

joshushushu: you’re just jealous cause i’m better at it

you: take that BACK.

joshushushu: see you at 8 <3

you: JOSHUA

You chuckle, turning off your phone and looking back towards your refrigerator. Letting out a sigh, you walk over and take out the yogurt, grabbing a spoon and dipping into the snack. You quietly eat the yogurt as you walk over to your living room window, staring out at the city.

The skies are blue, a contrast to the cloudy days Seoul had for the last couple of weeks. Your eyes follow the birds that fly past your window, watching as they get smaller and smaller the farther they go. You let out a sigh, taking another spoonful of yogurt.

“What a beautiful day.”

“Are you okay?” You turn your head to glance at Joshua, seeing the look of concern on his face as he looks at you. Giving him a smile, you nod your head, reaching up and rubbing the back of your neck as you look out the window of the bus.

“I’m okay, just tired.” The feeling of Joshua’s eyes on your side profile remains, and you hope that he doesn’t question it anymore. The blonde simply smiles, patting the top of your head fondly. “You can sleep, yn. I’ll wake you up when we get there.”

You bite the inside of your cheek at his kindness, and nod in response. You rest your head against the window and close your eyes, ignoring the rumbling from the bumpy road.

A few minutes pass of Joshua scrolling through his phone when he sees your head moving out of the corner of his eye. He looks at you, seeing your head bumping against the window whenever the bus drives over a pothole in the road, somehow still fast asleep.

Joshua reaches out and softly grasps your head, pulling you over so that you’re now resting on his shoulder. He stares at your sleeping face for a moment longer, finding that you look at peace as you sleep.

“Pretty.” Joshua mutters, before looking out towards the window for the rest of the way.

It’s only half an hour later when you feel a hand gently shaking your shoulder, and Joshua’s soft voice telling you to wake up. Groggily, you open your eyes and sit up in the seat, scratching your head. You turn and look up to find Joshua standing up from the bus seat, throwing his bag over his shoulder. He lets out a giggle at how sleepy you look, “Come on. We’re here.”

Turning towards the window, you see the Han River glimmering back at you. Raising an eyebrow, you stand up from the seat and look at Joshua, who’s just giving you a close-lipped smile. He extends his hand out towards you, and you stare at it.

After a moment, you reach out, feeling his warm hand encompass your cold one. He grins, giving your hand a squeeze before turning and guiding you off the bus. The two of you walk in silence as he leads you towards the top of a hill, but it soon becomes hard to breathe.

“J-Joshua.” You wheeze out, and the blonde pauses, turning to see you doubled over.

“Are you okay? Do you want to take a break here?” You don’t respond, instead trying to catch your breath as you hold onto Joshua’s hand like a lifeline. His eyebrows furrow, and he squats so that he can look into your eyes, watching as you begin to breathe properly again.

“Yn.”

“Mm?”

“We gotta work on your endurance.” Joshua jokes, and you let out a laugh, reaching out and slapping his shoulder as you stand up straight. He giggles, feeling relieved that you’ve caught your breath. He gives your hand a squeeze when he gets up from his squatting position, and you look at him. “Ready?”

You nod your head, squeezing his hand in return, “Ready.”

Joshua smiles, leading you towards the top of the hill once again. He makes sure to keep glancing back at you and even slows his pace as a means for you to not get exhausted again.

When the two of you finally reach the top of the hill, he lets go of your hand, and you pout at the loss of warmth. You’re about to ask why he brought you here, only to stop when you see him unzip his bag, pulling out a picnic blanket and laying it onto the cold grass.

“A picnic? At 9 pm?” You ask, only for Joshua not to respond as he just slips off his shoes and lays down onto the checkered blanket. You smile in amusement, tilting your head as you wonder what he’s doing.

Joshua lets out an exasperated sigh, reaching out and patting the empty space beside him on the blanket. Pursing your lips, you slowly slip off your sneakers and climb onto the blanket, carefully laying on your back. Your head is turned to him, and you’re about to ask what now? Only for Joshua to gently grasp your chin, turning you away until you look up towards the sky and-

Wow.

The millions of stars are shining brighter than you’ve ever seen. It was as if someone gathered a handful of sparkles and scattered them across the wide expanse of the dark sky, bringing light to unappreciative eyes.

Joshua turns his head to see your reaction, and he smiles at the bright look to your eyes, your mouth being dropped open slightly in awe.

He knew of your fascination with the sky ever since the two of you met on Banpo bridge. From the way your eyes sparkled at the sight of the moonlight reflecting across the river, to the content smile that would make its way onto your face whenever you’d look up towards the moon.

And so, whenever he would finish his evening classes at university, he’d take the bus to different parks and look for the spot that had the best sight of the sky at night.

Joshua wanted you to be able to reach the stars.

“Do you like it?” You turn towards the pretty blonde, seeing the slight apprehension on his face in fear that you won’t be happy with his surprise for you. You watch as it melts away from the sight of your bright smile, and a breath of relief escapes him.

“I love it.”

The two of you turn back towards the sky, pointing at different constellations and talking about which star shines the brightest among the millions you can see. You let out a laugh when Joshua mistakenly points out lights from a plane as a shooting star, and he rolls his eyes, but the fond smile on his face tells you that he’s anything but annoyed.

The two of you fall into a comfortable silence afterwards, just appreciating the beautiful sky. You feel warm, even though you’re in this cold weather, you somehow feel warm just by being with Joshua. The bright stars shine down at you, and you slowly raise your arm up to the sky.

Joshua’s eyes follow your hand, watching as it grasps at the air. His gaze trails down to your face, seeing you stare up at the stars with an indecipherable emotion in your eyes. He turns away, and your arm falls back down to your side.

“What’s something you want to do with me?” Joshua asks, breaking the comfortable silence. You purse your lips, finding the question hard as you wonder how you could even answer this.

You want to do everything with him.

You want to go to a karaoke place with him, go bowling, go to an amusement park and eat all the festival food. Watch a movie, play in the snow and build a snowman. Go to the beach and make sand castles, go grocery shopping, visit him at work. Go to uni with him, go on a walk, talk about your day, make him kimchi fried rice. Everything.

You want to do everything with Joshua.

Letting out a shaky breath, your eyes trail over to the trees down the hill, lined up on the sides of the pathway. You stare at the unbloomed buds, already seeing the beautiful flowers in the back of your mind that you know you won’t be here in time to see.

“Cherry blossoms.” You utter, and the blonde turns to you.

“Hm?”

“I want to see the cherry blossoms with you.” Joshua lets out an, ah, a smile forming on his face at the thought of seeing the beautiful pink flowers with you. He looks back up towards the stars, “Cherry blossoms were always my favorite flower.”

You listen to Joshua’s soft voice, holding onto every word as you stare down at the unbloomed trees. The blonde lets out a breathless chuckle. “April was my favorite month because that’s when the cherry blossoms would bloom, but I stopped being excited for them a couple years back.”

Joshua grins, heart growing warm in his chest when he thinks of you spinning around excitedly underneath the cherry blossom trees, the pink petals softly falling around you.

“But I’m excited to see them with you, yn.”

Your heart wavers in your chest at Joshua’s sweet words, and you clench your fist at your side. Tears fill your eyes as you look away from the unbloomed cherry blossom trees, gaze trailing back up towards the stars. A tear escapes your left eye as you choke out,

“I’m excited to see them with you too, Joshua.”

Laying in bed, you stare up at the ceiling tiredly, having lost almost all your energy a week ago. You roll over and look at your phone, watching as the screen lights up.

march 23, 2021

You let out a shaky breath, knowing that you should admit yourself to the hospital within a few days. However,

You open up your messaging app, tapping on your conversation with Joshua.

you: joshuaaa

be ready at 2 ! i prepared a fun day for us :)

joshushushu: does it involve you paying for our meal?

you: capitalism is the root of all evil.

but yes. yes it does.

joshushushu: okay epic, i’m in.

i’ll see you later ^^

you: see you <3

Turning off your phone, you take in a deep breath, before slowly climbing out of bed. The exhaustion weighs over you like a blanket, but you push yourself to make it to the bathroom to shower.

You need to get ready to spend one last day with Joshua.

Sitting on the bench at the bus stop, you stare down at your sneakers as you wait for the pretty blonde to show up. It took you a while to get to the bus stop, as you felt even more exhausted by the time you stepped out of your apartment complex. You took your medicine and attempted to eat some food, but to no avail.

The sunlight that was once shining down onto you suddenly disappears as you were thinking to yourself, and you look up to see Joshua grinning down at you.

“What did you plan for today? Grocery shopping?” He asks, and you roll your eyes, standing up when you notice the bus heading your way. Nudging his shoulder, you answer, “No, something better than restocking my food and cleaning supplies.”

Joshua lets out a mock gasp, making you giggle as the two of you climb onto the bus. You sit down in the window seat, the pretty man following soon after and continuing what he was saying.

“Better than following you around the grocery store while pushing a cart for an hour? No such thing.” You laugh, slapping his leg and shaking your head at him. He grins, reaching up and patting the top of your head fondly.

“I’m kidding. Doing anything with you brightens my day either way.” Joshua confesses, and you freeze slightly, before regaining your composure. Giving him a tight smile, you turn and glance out the window, watching as the world passes by. Cars filled with people going to wherever it is they’re going, people waiting on the crosswalks to cross the street, children screaming and playing on the playgrounds.

The world is roaring with life.

“I’m happy for them.” You whisper, before closing your eyes.

“Yn, you shouldn’t have.” Joshua says when you lead him towards the entrance of a dog café. You grin, shrugging your shoulders as you muster enough strength to pull open the door. “You’re a dog person. I am simply returning the favor.”

The blonde chuckles, stepping into the café with you following after him. You reach up and hold your bicep, lightly rubbing the area as it feels a bit strained. Your arm immediately falls back to your side when Joshua stops and turns to glance at you, wondering why you’re behind him.

He lets out a fond smile, reaching his hand out towards you. “Come on, let’s go see the dogs.”

Your eyes slowly trail down to his hand, warm and inviting. A stark contrast to what yours have become, cold and lonely. You look back up at Joshua’s face, seeing him tilt his head at you, waiting for you to grasp his hand.

He watches as an indecipherable emotion passes your eyes, before you let out a smile and walk up to him, intertwining your fingers with his. He grins, and the two of you walk further into the café, only to be greeted by a golden retriever.

Your eyes widen in surprise at the beautiful dog, and you’re about to bend down to pet it—only to stop once the sound of Joshua’s happy laugh rings in your ears. You turn to look at him, finding him patting the dog’s head with a bright smile on his face.

“Come on puppy, yn and I have to go order our food.” Joshua says softly, before leading you towards the register. You let out a happy squeal when you see all the other dogs roaming around the tables, feeling excited to play with all of them.

You and Joshua tell the employee what you’d both like to order as a few dogs come to stand beside the two of you. When you’re told the price, you reach into your bag with your free hand to pull out your wallet, only for your mouth to drop open when you see Joshua already handing the employee his card.

“Joshua! I wanted to pay for us.” You whine, and he simply squeezes your hand with an accomplished grin on his face. He thanks the employee once he’s handed back his card along with the receipt, before turning to face you.

“You’re just too slow~” Joshua teases, and you squint. You open your mouth to start complaining more, only to pause when you hear the employee’s voice ring out.

“Sorry to interrupt, but if you’d like, we have a photobooth that you both could go take pictures in.” They tell you with a shy smile, pointing towards the back of the café where the photobooth is, and your eyes brighten at the idea.

“Thank you so much!” You say, before pulling Joshua in the direction of the photobooth, your free hand already holding your wallet so that you can pay for it.

“Yn-” You immediately shove your card into the reader when the two of you step into the small box, closing the black curtain. The blonde chuckles at your determination, and you smile as you pull out your card once the payment is accepted.

“How should we pose?” Joshua asks, and you shrug as you watch the timer start to count down.

“You just gotta feel it.”

“That’s not helpful at all.”

“Just follow my lead.” You say with a laugh, and he grins in amusement, turning back towards the screen. The two of you lean your heads closer to each other, and you wink while Joshua simply smiles as the first photo is captured.

This continues for the next three photos, with the two of you laughing and doing different poses for the photostrip. You both climb out of the small box, waiting for the two photostrips to be printed as you talk about how silly you each must look.

“Ah, they’re printed.” You say once the two photostrips fall out, and you grab them both. You hand one to Joshua, and you hear him let out a small giggle.

You stare at the photostrip quietly, gauging the photos. Warmth floods your chest at the third panel in particular, and you let out a breath.

This was when the two of you missed the countdown as you were both facing each other and laughing. Joshua’s eyes are bright and filled with warmth, a smile on his face as he looks at you in the photo. Then there’s you, mid-laugh, nothing but joy over your features.

“Wow.” You breathe out, and Joshua chuckles at your reaction, nudging you with his shoulder. You blink, looking away from the photostrip and redirecting your attention towards the blonde. “Mm?”

He points towards the table in the corner, where quite a few dogs are resting around. “Let’s go sit there.”

You bite back a laugh, knowing exactly why he wants to sit at that exact spot. Nodding your head, you grin when you see his features brighten, and the two of you walk towards the table. The dogs perk up at your guys’ arrival, almost all of them going around Joshua as the two of you sit across from each other.

“So cute!” Joshua exclaims, a big smile on his face when the golden retriever from earlier rests its paws on Joshua’s chair, licking his face excitedly. The corners of your lips quirk up, and you take out your phone, opening the camera app.

You watch as Joshua grins, petting the golden retriever to try and calm them down as they continue to attempt to lick his face. Tilting your head, you take the photo right as Joshua breaks out into laughter.

You lower the phone from your face when Joshua turns towards you from the sound of the camera shutter, and he lets out a grin when his gaze trails over to your left hand side.

“So busy ogling me that you didn’t even notice the cute puppy waiting for your attention.” Your eyebrows furrow at Joshua’s sentence, and you turn your head to the left, expecting nothing, only for your eyes to widen when you see the precious corgi sitting beside you in the booth, tail wagging as they stare at you.

“Oh my God. Hi baby!” You coo, reaching out and finally giving the attention the corgi had been wanting from you. The corgi licks your wrist, and you giggle, petting their back as you turn to shoot a glare towards the blonde. He raises an eyebrow at the squint to your eyes, and he tilts his head in question.

“I was not ogling you!” You exclaim, and Joshua lets out an angelic laugh that makes your heart do a somersault within your chest. A sheepish smile forms on your face, destroying the “angry” persona you were trying to put on.

“Yeah, yeah. Tell it to the judge.”

“Joshua!” You laugh, and he laughs along with you.

Your guys’ laughter rings throughout the café for the rest of the afternoon, pure happiness exuding from the two of you.

“Oh sikhye, how you never fail me.” You say lovingly to the drink in your hand. Joshua simply chuckles at your antics, taking a sip of his own sikhye as the two of you walk on the sidewalk towards the bridge.

“Thank you for taking me to the dog café, I had a lot of fun.” Joshua tells you, and you nod your head, a smile forming on your face when you remember how many dogs had been around your table.

“You’re like a dog magnet, while I’m a cat magnet.” You point out, and the blonde purses his lips in thought, before nodding his head in agreement. “That makes sense.”

The two of you fall into a comfortable silence as you make your way onto the bridge, the sounds of the cars driving past you both filling the quiet.

“I feel like you could be a catboy, though.” Joshua accidentally snorts his sikhye at your abrupt comment, and you burst out into laughter as he doubles over, coughing up the drink. Patting his back, you wait for him to calm down as he slowly stands back up to his full height, taking deep breaths.

“A catboy?”

“I cannot believe me calling you a catboy made you snort your drink.” You say, the corners of your mouth twitching as you try to hold back from smiling. The blonde catches this though, and he reaches out and pinches your cheek.

“Hey!”

Joshua smiles at your reaction, feeling satisfied that he got his payback after you made him snort his rice drink. He’s about to ask why you think he’s a catboy when he notices you walking up to the railing of the bridge.

You rest your hand onto the cold railing, staring out at the sight laid before you. The skies are painted in various shades of pink, blue, and purple. The sun is setting in the distance, the dark orange reflecting off the Han River, making the water glimmer.

“It’s…”

“Beautiful.” Joshua finishes, and you turn to him, seeing the sparkle to his eyes as he stares at the scenery. You’re reminded of the cold January night where you met him over two months ago.

His eye bags are practically gone and the hunch to his shoulders are now replaced with confidence. His features are glowing, looking healthy in comparison to before, but it’s his eyes that have changed the most. His eyes no longer appear exhausted as he turns to look at you, now replaced with something along the lines of content.

“We met on this bridge over two months ago.” You state, and Joshua doesn’t respond. He looks back out towards the water, resting his forearms onto the railing as the thought of that night comes to mind. You follow suit, taking a sip of your sikhye as the two of you stare at the scenery in silence, the memories the two of you made over the last two months playing in your head.

“You know when I said I couldn’t see life as something beautiful? And that it wasn’t kind to me?” Joshua asks after a moment, and you nod your head, the memory fresh in your mind.

He lets out a breath, “Two months ago, life was so hard for me that I couldn’t even think of trying anymore. So I didn’t understand what you meant when you said that life was beautiful.”

Your hand squeezes the railing, but you don’t turn to look at Joshua. You know that he wouldn’t want you to look at him as he addresses what he didn’t want to even mention for the last two months.

Joshua glances at you, the sunset no longer capturing his attention. A small smile escapes him as he stares at you, heart warm within his chest.

“I understand what you mean now.” You turn to look at him, immediately locking eyes with the ethereal man. The small smile on his face turns into a full one when he stares into your bright eyes, feeling happy just by being with you.

Joshua turns away, looking back out towards the sunset. Your heart swells with warmth and heartbreak when you hear him say,

“Life is beautiful.”

You don’t respond right away as you struggle to hold back the tears from escaping. Your eyes remain on the scenery laid before you, doing your best to control your breathing as you watch the sun set below the city.

Letting out a breath, you feel Joshua turn to look at you with his soft eyes.

Joshua’s happy, so you’re happy.

You turn your body towards Joshua and give him a tight smile as you raise your arms into the air. The blonde grins, reaching out and taking the sikhye from your hand when he notices some of its contents spill onto the pavement from your gesture. You giggle at your clumsiness, and he just shakes his head.

“What would you do without me?” Joshua asks with a smile, and you shrug your shoulders, turning and beginning to walk in the direction of the bus stop. He tilts his head at you, and he watches as you turn and glance at him with a smile.

“I wouldn’t be as happy as I am now!” You answer, turning away before you get the chance to see Joshua’s reaction. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you swing your arms as you walk, suddenly wishing you had your sikhye in your hand.

The sound of running footsteps makes you glance back, only to let out a loud laugh when Joshua’s arm suddenly wraps around your shoulders, the sound of his giggles ringing in your ear. He holds out the drink in your direction, and you grin, taking it from his grasp.

As you take a sip of the sweet rice drink, you let out a sigh. You take a peek at Joshua, finding the hint of a smile on his face as he drinks his own beverage in his other hand. He notices your eyes on him, and he looks at you, a warm expression forming on his face. He leans in and gently nudges your head with his, before turning back towards the front.

It’s as if all the sadness, anger, and pain melts away from the fond gesture. A shy smile breaks out onto your face as you turn away, letting out a sigh of content.

“Ah, what a beautiful day.”

Joshua glances down at his phone while he waits in the elevator as it goes up to the eighth floor, the floor in which your apartment resides.

april 6, 2021

You haven’t contacted Joshua since the day the two of you went to the dog café, let alone open his texts. He’s been texting you everyday and even calling you to try and get a response, but to no avail.

So he finally decided to go visit your apartment to check in on you and ask what happened.

As the elevator doors open, Joshua steps out and walks down the hallway. Once he turns left to enter the other hall, his eyebrows furrow when he notices the man standing in front of your door. He walks up to the man, who glances up towards the blonde when he catches sight of him through the corner of his eye.

“Do you know yn?” Joshua asks once he’s a few feet away from the older man. The gentleman nods, holding up his ID card, “I’m their landlord.”

Joshua almost lets out a breath of relief, finally having met someone who could possibly know where you’ve been. The blonde points towards your apartment door, “Yn hasn’t contacted me in like, two weeks. Do you know if they’re home or if they went somewhere-”

“You don’t know?” Your landlord asks, and Joshua pauses. A feeling of dread runs down his spine when he sees the look of pity appear in the older man’s eyes when Joshua shakes his head, no.

The dread soon turns into regret when the landlord informs him of the information he hadn’t known for the last three months.

“Are you comfortable?” The nurse asks as she replaces your tube. You give her a weak smile, glancing out the window and staring at the birds flying past it as you answer, “As comfortable as I can be.”

Once the nurse finishes cleaning you up, she bows in your direction and steps out of the room. You let out a breath, eyes trailing down to your phone. You press your finger to the screen, and the photo of Joshua that you took at the dog café shines back at you.

A soft smile escapes you when you see how brightly he’s laughing, the sound of his joyful laughs still ringing in your ear as if he was here with you. The brief moment of happiness you feel turns into one of guilt when you’re reminded of all the messages, missed calls, and voicemails he’s left you for the last two weeks.

It’s for the best, you remind yourself. You want him to be happy, and knowing that you’re on your literal deathbed would take that away from him.

You bite the inside of your cheek once you feel the tears rise to your eyes, and you let out an annoyed huff. In an attempt to make the wetness to your eyes disappear, you move to stare up at the ceiling, only to freeze when your gaze lands on the doorway.

“Joshua?”

The blonde is standing there, chest rising and falling as he stares at you, pain evident in his gaze. His eyes trail over your appearance, wondering how he didn’t see the signs from the beginning. From the times you told him you were having trouble sleeping, the loss of appetite, how easily exhausted you would become from simply laughing too hard in the recent weeks.

How could he not know?

“Yn.” Joshua breathes out, walking over to your bedside and sitting down in the chair. Feeling the tears flood your eyes, you look away from him, staring down at your hands in shame.

“How did you find out?” You ask in a quiet voice, knowing he’s going to hate you for not telling him. When you don’t hear his response, the tears escape your eyes, falling onto the hospital blanket.

“I’m so sorry Joshua.”

“I’m so selfish.” Your eyes widen slightly, and you look up from the blanket, only for your heart to break within your chest when you see the tears falling past Joshua’s eyes.

“I-I hated my life and I openly complained about it in front of you, but you were going through so much worse and you still saw the beauty in it.” Joshua mutters, his hands reaching up towards his face as he tries to wipe away his tears. “I’m so sorry, yn.” You feel a sob bubble up in your chest, and you shake your head at him.

“Don’t compare your struggles and pain to mine. Your struggles and your pain are valid. You have nothing to apologize for.” You tell him, vision becoming blurry as you reach out towards him with your hand. Joshua bites his bottom lip, before grasping your cold hand with his warm one.

“It’s not fair.” Joshua mutters, and you blink at him. His hand tightens gently around yours, and he looks up into your beautiful eyes that hold so much life in them.

The life you deserve to live.

“I-It’s not fair. You of all people deserve to live your life.” Joshua says, the anger and sadness heavy in his voice. You let out a small smile, squeezing his hand with as much energy you can muster. “Sometimes life isn’t fair.”

Joshua just scoffs at your positivity and you let out a weak giggle. His eyes soften from the sight of your smile, and he reaches out with his free hand, wiping away your tears with his thumb. You lean into the touch, and Joshua feels his heart stutter in his chest.

“Can you stay with me?” You ask, looking up into his deerlike eyes. Warmth floods the blonde’s face at how ethereal you are, feeling content when he still sees the sparkle in your eyes.

“Yeah, always.”

Joshua slips off of his shoes and scoots you over on the hospital bed. He climbs onto it and lays onto his back beside you. You rest your head onto his arm, turning onto your side so that you’re facing him, and close your eyes at the feeling of his fingers intertwining with yours.

“Thank you.” You mutter sleepily, and Joshua raises an eyebrow.

“For what?”

The memories of the last three months rewind in your head like a cassette tape, all the joy, laughter, sadness. All of it.

“For making my last three months worthwhile.”

Joshua sucks in a breath at your words, and he clenches his fist at his side. He’s filled with anger, sadness, so many different emotions as he turns his body to face you. He finds that you’re already fast asleep, small puffs of air leaving your lips, a reminder that you’re here.

You’re alive.

Holding back the tears from rising, Joshua closes his eyes and gently rests his forehead onto yours. He feels your breath hit his lips, and he finds that it’s the only thing that calms him down as he feels a wave of drowsiness hit him.

He soon falls asleep with the thought of you turning to face him on the bridge two weeks ago, with the bright smile on your face that he’s grown to love.

“Can I please take yn out of the hospital? They’re right at the entrance. It’s not like I’m taking yn to an amusement park.”

“No, Joshua.”

“But Dr. Park, please.” Joshua practically begs, following after your doctor as he tries to walk back to his office. The man doesn’t even spare the blonde another glance, already set on his answer.

It’s been a week since Joshua discovered the truth of your illness, and he’s visited every single day. Even if he had classes or a shift at work, he’d immediately take the bus to the hospital right after to come and see you.

He knows your time is soon from how frail you’ve become, the exhaustion and pain evident on your face no matter how hard you try to hide it behind the smile you show him.

That’s why he’s desperate for Dr. Park to say yes.

“I’ll even have the nurse accompany us! Please, it won’t take long.” Joshua calls out, and he watches as Dr. Park’s shoulders slump as he lets out a sigh. The older man turns to glance at him, “Joshua…”

“Please, Dr. Park. Yn—” Joshua looks down at his shoes, swallowing the lump in his throat as he tries to muster up the courage to say the next words. “Yn doesn’t have much time left.”

Dr. Park stares at the blonde, knowing very well that your time is drawing near. He looks to his side, remembering what he told you the day you found out about your tragic fate.

“Eat whatever you want, do things you’ve always wanted to do. Live your life, yn.”

Dr. Park lets out a sigh, before turning back towards Joshua, who’s still staring down at the floor. He purses his lips, “Fine. You can take yn, but not for long. I’ll have their nurse accompany you.”

Joshua immediately lifts up his head, eyes bright as he nods his head frantically. He blurts out multiple thank yous, even bowing at least ten times before he heads back to your hospital room.

Dr. Park just lets out a sad smile as he watches the blonde disappear past the corner. Shaking his head, he glances down at his clipboard and heads towards his next patient.

You lay in the hospital bed, struggling to keep your eyes open as you wait for Joshua. Your gaze is glued towards the doorway, wondering when you’ll see those pretty deerlike eyes of his. Your eyelids feel heavy, and you feel sleep beginning to pull you in.

“Yn!” Your eyes slowly open at the angelic voice, and you find Joshua walking up to your hospital bed with an excited smile on his face. The corners of your lips tug upward, “Joshua, you look excited.”

“I have a surprise for you.” Your eyebrows furrow in suspicion, and he lets out a laugh. A sudden figure at your doorway catches your attention, and Joshua steps to the side so that you can see. You squint when you see your nurse standing there, a wheelchair in front of her as she gives you a smile.

“What are you planning?” You ask, eyes going back to the blonde. He shrugs his shoulders, reaching out and grasping your cold hand, giving it a squeeze.

“You’ll see.”

It takes about twenty minutes until you’re finally in the wheelchair, as you’re no longer able to walk on your own. It was hard, since Joshua had to help your nurse by carrying you and placing you into the seat. You kept apologizing for being a bother, but Joshua would always reply,

“You could never be a bother, yn.”

And now you’re being pushed through the halls. With your nurse holding onto the IV pole while Joshua pushes you. You can’t help but feel a bit of excitement run through your veins as the three of you slowly make your way out of the hospital, no matter how exhausted you are.

“What’s the surprise? Did you buy me a sikhye truck?”

“You think I’m rich?” Joshua counters, and you smile at his response. It’s when you’re closer to the automatic doors that you begin to feel your heartbeat faster, ecstatic to be able to smell the fresh air.

“Are you ready?” Joshua asks, leaning over to peek at your face. You let out a shaky breath, before nodding your head and giving him a thumbs up. “Of course.”

The blonde smiles, and starts pushing you towards the exit again, watching as the automatic doors open for the three of you. The sunlight shines down on you once you’re outside, and you suck in a deep breath of the fresh air, blinking your eyes to get used to the sudden light.

Once your eyes open again, you find Joshua standing before you, arms stretched up towards the sky. A pose that you always did when the two of you were together. You’re about to ask what he’s doing when a sudden flash of pink flies past your face. You turn your head, eyes following after it until it falls onto the ground next to dozens of others.

A cherry blossom petal.

You slowly look back towards Joshua, seeing the warm smile on his face as he stares at you. Your eyes trail upwards, and you let out a breath when you see the fully bloomed cherry blossom trees above you. The brilliant shades of pink and white are hanging above you, and you feel your heart swell.

A breeze blows past the trees, and you watch as the petals begin to fall around you and Joshua. The beautiful and delicate petals gently flow with the wind, as if they were pink snowflakes fluttering past you.

Opening up the palm of your hand, you watch as a precious petal falls directly into the middle of it. You let out a wet laugh, tears trailing down your cheeks as you look back up towards Joshua. He’s smiling back at you, eyes filled with tears of his own as the two of you stare at each other.

“I saw the cherry blossoms with you.” You say softly, and Joshua nods his head, a heartbreaking smile on his face. Biting your bottom lip, you close your fingers around the precious petal in your hand, blinking away the tears that keep flooding your eyes.

“Thank you, Joshua.” You mutter, and the blonde simply lets out a sigh, turning so that he’s facing the cherry blossom tree. You look up towards him, seeing the small smile on his face as he glances back at you.

“Consider it a gift, yn.”

You lay on your hospital bed, listening to Joshua tell you about the lecture he attended today. Your heart warms when you hear him let out a giggle when mentioning something his classmate said, and a small smile escapes you.

It’s been a few hours since you were brought back inside from seeing the cherry blossom trees, and Joshua’s stayed by your side the whole time. He didn’t even leave when you took a nap, just staying in the chair beside your bed doing his homework as he waited for you to wake up.

You know that your time is almost over as you feel your heartbeat slow while listening to Joshua, finding yourself growing more sleepy. Somehow, rather than being afraid, you feel content.

You’re happy.

You can see that Joshua knows it too, as he keeps talking to you about anything and everything, when you’d usually be the one to fill the silence.

“And that’s how—”

“Joshua?” The blonde looks up at the sound of your voice immediately, and his heart falls when he sees the smile on your face.

It’s different from all the ones before. It’s not bright, teasing, exciting, no.

It’s accepting.

“Y-Yeah?” Joshua asks, and you extend your hand towards him. He reaches out and grasps it, your hand fitting perfectly within his own.

“What’s the most beautiful thing about life?” You ask in a soft voice, staring into those deerlike eyes that seem to hold all the stars in the world.

You want to remember it.

You want to remember him.

Joshua bites the inside of his cheek at your question, looking down at your connected hands as he tries to think of his answer. You watch as his eyebrows furrow in thought, and you grin in amusement at how hard he’s thinking.

The thought of the arcade comes to mind, as the neon purple lights shone on your face as you turned to look at him with a bright smile.

The sunset, when you spun around with your arms in the air and danced along the grass as he took photos of you.

Going grocery shopping, when you were telling him a story with the softest of smiles on your face. Your eyes twinkled underneath the horrible fluorescent lights, and he wondered how you could possibly look so ethereal even with the bad lighting.

Your strawberry pajamas that you love so much.

Visiting the cat café, where your smile was the brightest and you were practically glowing from all the attention from the cats.

When it rained and you were laughing and spinning around as you let the raindrops fall onto you. Not a care in the world as you smiled brightly and extended your hand out towards him.

Going stargazing, except when he turned his head and looked into your eyes — he realized that you shined brighter than the millions of stars in the sky.

Joshua looks back towards you, seeing you waiting expectantly. His eyes trail over your features, from your beautiful eyes to your pretty lips that always hold a smile. He squeezes your hand softly as he finally answers,

“You.”

You blink at his answer, before a small smile breaks out onto your face. Looking away, you notice the full moon out the window, with the millions of stars surrounding it on this clear night. You let out a breath, feeling like they’re closer tonight.

“What about you? What’s the most beautiful thing about life?” Joshua asks, and he watches as your head slowly turns back towards him. You give him a grin and squeeze his hand with as much energy as you can muster, finding yourself getting lost in his bright eyes.

“You. The most beautiful thing about life is you, Joshua.”

Joshua smiles, but his heart hurts as his eyes pan to your vital signs monitor, seeing that your heart rate is slowing. He looks back at you, and he sucks in a deep breath when only one thought comes to mind.

There’s still so many things he wants to tell you, so many things he wants to do with you. However, as he stares into your eyes, he realizes there’s only one last thing you need to know.

“Yn?”

“Yeah, Joshua?” You respond, now struggling to keep your eyes open as you stare at him.

“I love you.”

You and Joshua stare at each other in silence for a moment, having finally aired out the truth that the two of you have kept hidden for the last three months. The truth that the both of you kept denying, for fear of the future. A bright smile forms on your face, and Joshua feels his heart stutter within his chest at the sight.

“I love you too, Joshua.”

He lets out a breath, swallowing the lump in his throat to try and appear strong for you. As Joshua stares at you, he realizes just how beautiful you are. Even though you’re frail and tired, your beauty is unmatched as he looks into your eyes.

And so, Joshua smiles back at you, and you feel warmth flood your body at the beauty of it.

You hope to remember his smile even in your next life.

Joshua hears your monitor begin to beep, signalling that your heart rate is dropping. He doesn’t look away from you, holding the eye contact between the two of you as your eyes slowly fall shut. The grip you had on his hand loosens, and he continues to stare at you as your nurse comes in once the sound of the flatline rings throughout the room.

Joshua stands up from the chair, heart thumping against his chest once your nurse turns off your monitor.

“Time of death: Tuesday, April 13th. At 8:13 PM.”

Silence fills the room as he leans down and presses a soft kiss to your temple, before pulling away and falling back into the chair. The smile that he showed you is now gone as he bites his bottom lip, trying to hold back the tears that threaten to fall as he stares at you, the smallest of smiles still remaining on your face.

Joshua looks down as a few tears escape, and he slowly rests his forehead onto your guys’ connected hands, sobs finally wracking through his body as he holds onto you.

The moon and the stars shine down onto the two of you through the hospital window. They illuminate the room as Joshua sobs against your hand, knowing that you were finally able to reach them.

You were finally able to reach the moon and the stars.

april 13, 2022

Joshua looks away from the calendar on the wall once he’s handed the bouquet of bright sunflowers. He smiles at the employee, giving them his thanks before he turns around and walks out of the store.

The sun shines down on him as he walks towards the columbarium, making his black hair appear a light brown underneath the light.

The sound of the birds chirping rings through his ears, and he smiles softly as he steps in through the entrance. He walks through the hall, before he finally stops, looking up and seeing your bright smile shining back at him.

Joshua lets out a grin at the sight, placing your sunflowers into the mini slot that holds the bouquets. A breath escapes him as he stares at the photos in your display, all of the photos capturing your beautiful smile. His eyes land on the last one, and he bites the inside of his cheek.

It’s the photostrip of the two of you from the day you both went to the dog café.

Joshua has the same photostrip on the back of his phone case, as a reminder of a beautiful day.

“Did you miss me?” Joshua asks you, knowing that he won’t receive a response. He smiles softly, looking down at his shoes.

“It’s been a year without you, and I still think of your bright smile everyday.” Joshua tells you, placing his hands into his pockets as he continues to stare at the floor. “I know you’re getting a kick out of hearing me say that, huh?”

Joshua stands there before you in silence for a moment, holding back the tears that threaten to flood his eyes. He lets out a shaky breath, before looking back up towards you with a smile and begins to update you on everything that’s happened since he last visited.

From the new job he got at an early learning center as a teacher, to the cat he visits at the shelter that reminds him of you, to his new friend Jeonghan who’s more mischievous than you could imagine, to the fried rice he made in the morning.

He tells you anything and everything until he can no longer think of anything else to say. Joshua lowers his head, wishing that he could hear a response.

“I miss you.” He mutters, the thought of your smile and contagious laugh coming to mind. There’s a dull ache in his heart that has remained since you passed, and he knows it will be there for a long time.

But as he lifts up his head to look at you and sees the photo of the both of you laughing, he knows he’ll be okay. You want him to be happy.

Joshua sucks in a deep breath, before reaching up and resting his hand over the glass.

“Thank you, yn. Thank you for teaching me how to live.”

Joshua gives you a genuine smile, before taking a step back from your locker.

“I’ll continue to live happily, so don’t worry about me. I’ll visit you again soon...” Joshua chuckles as he trails off, looking away as warmth floods his face at the thought of the next thing he wants to tell you. He lets out a breath, before smiling at you as he says,

“I love you.”

And with that, Joshua turns around and walks away with a lighter heart. He steps out of the columbarium and walks down the street, the thought of your smile and the sound of your laugh lingering in his mind.

He walks with his head down, hands in his pockets as he heads to the bus stop. It’s only when a pink petal floats past him that he pauses and finally looks up from the ground.

The fully bloomed cherry blossoms are a few feet from him, planted on the grass near the sidewalk, painting the pavement pink. He watches as a breeze blows past him, making hundreds of cherry blossom petals gently fall from the trees.

Joshua lets out a small smile at the sight, before looking up towards the blue sky. A content sigh escapes him as he watches a pretty white cloud float past him.

“What a beautiful day.”

853 notes · View notes

kimthwariru · 3 years

Text

Namjoon reaction—calling him a ‘friend’ when he clearly has a thing for you

❀genre: smut, a bit of fluff

❀collage au

(This was originally supposed to be a quick reaction but something happened to me and I couldn’t stop writing)

“Look, Jisoo, I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong” you flash a cheeky smile at your best friend. She’s being going on and on about how this Kim Namjoon guy had a thing for you.

You can’t lie, you’ve seen him around in campus and sometimes you’d wish he would suffocate you with these thighs of his. Ugh. The perfect combo, lean yet masculine physique with a brain that actually functions for a change. You’ve seen the way these collage girls were circling him around and you can’t blame them, the guy was a catch.

But he was not your crowd of people. He was outgoing, social and had loads of what you like to call “the lad friends”. You guessed his main activities were partying and getting shitfaced every night.

You’ve talked to him a couple of times. He uses the same bench as you to read now and then. You would eventually take sneak peeks at the books he was reading, check if he had any taste or not, and the result was always better than what you expected. This guy knew books. He was not just reading what was on the best seller’s that week to look sophisticated in front of others.

When he caught you peaking he’d started having small talk with you. You swear you’ve never experienced a better conversation flow with another human being. This guy screamed comfort. He seemed genuinely curious about the things you were saying. None of that painful act of pretending to be interested just because he wanted to get laid. You had been talking with him for a month straight and aside from a few moments of some what flirty looks his actions never suggested something more.

His aura was welcoming and he always paid attention to the little things. Unlike some other shallow guys out there, he felt…different.

But how different could he really be? You’ve seen the people he hangs out with. Kim Taehyung? He had a relationship with three girls at the same time. Didn’t even apologize for being the biggest jerk in history. You’ve heard Jung Hoseok’s body count was reaching a 3 digit number AND Jeon Jungkook once fucked 4 different girls at the same night.

Just thinking about it makes you sick. It pains you to admit but there’s only one truth to this. Even if Kim Namjoon was interesting, he was definitely a person you needed to stay away from. All the data point to a big fuckboy alert!

“Come on y/n…. If he wasn’t even in the slightest interested in you then why did he tell me explicitly that he wanted you to attend the party??”

“An invitation to a party doesn’t mean anything. Besides, I’m sure I’m not his style. Have you seen the type of girls he hangs out with? Yikes.”

Jisoo smirked at you “Oh, I see you’re stalking him now?”

You shake your head “Don’t be ridiculous! We take Econ together, that’s all. What? Am I supposed to cover my eyes every time I see him?”

“Maybe you should” Jisoo came closer to you “Y/n, we’re going to that party”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

“This is a big mistake, I’ll get bored within the hour” You scream at Jisoo over the loud music.

“Don’t be a whiney ass and enjoy yourself for once” she handed you a drink.

Enjoy yourself for once. You and Jisoo’s definition of enjoying one self were clearly very different. You scan the room to look for any familiar faces you could talk to. Unfortunately, not a lot of your acquaintances attended frat parties.

Your head motion immediately pauses when you meet eyes with Namjoon across the garden. Was he looking at you this whole time? You feel your cheeks burn.

Initially, you don’t know how to react but eventually you flash him a small smile and focus back on Jisoo

“Kim Namjoon just gave me the biggest stare of all time” you say as you down your drink

“What!?” Jisoo’s eyes widened “This is the time where I say I told you so.”

You think for a second that maybe Jisoo was right all along. But that just makes the whole thing more dangerous for you. You can’t lie, Namjoon is attractive, but you knew he was trouble. Maybe he liked you today and then liked another girl tomorrow.

Suddenly, you feel a hand touch your shoulder “Hey y/n, Jisoo. Glad you guys made it” Namjoon’s low voice pierced your ears.

Jisoo gave you a look before replying to him “Hey!! We couldn’t miss such a night!” She smiled “right y/n??”

“Yeah!! Totally” you cheer kind of awkwardly.

Namjoon’s eyes fixed on you. You felt his stare eat you up. His whole presence felt angelic yet overwhelming. “Do you guys maybe want to join us? We’re sitting right by the pool”

“Oh! Sure, why not!” Jisoo answered almost immediately

You were walking towards the pool, Namjoon was pacing right next to you, he was so close to the point where you could sort of smell his cologne. You swear you could get drunk off his scent.

“I have to be honest, I didn’t think you’d actually come” He chuckled

“Are you disappointed?” You teased and raised an eyebrow.

You see a dimple smile making its appearance, how can this dude be so incredibly hot and cute at the same time? “I think pleasantly surprised would be the right way to put it”

Why do you feel like you can not breath? He hasn’t said much, yet you feel yourself burn up all of a sudden. “Good to know” you smile back.

“Joon! You have to see this” was the first thing Taehyung yelled when you arrived to the place where the guys were sitting “12 o’clock, Hobi making out with Mina from 3rd year. Can you believe it? After two years of trying to get it, he finally succeeds”

Of course the main talk is girls. No surprise there.

“Jungkook bitch, you owe me 20 bucks” Taehyung eyed Jungkook

Your expression screamed disgust. Apparently, Namjoon noticed “They are not as bad as they seem” he elbowed you.

You give him and awkward laugh “I’ll take your word for it” You lie.

“Guys, this is Jisoo and y/n. Can you stop trying to head lock each other and say hello? You’re embarrassing me” Namjoon introduced the pair of you to the boys who were still arguing about the bet.

“Oh, hey girls.” Taehyung paused to inspect Jisoo’s face. “Hey, business and shipping? Ain’t it?”

“Oh, yeah, right!” Jisoo smiled

“Hyung aren’t you taking that class for like the third time? How many times can you fail you recon?” Jungkook teased him and Taehyung answered by giving him a slap on the shoulder.

“Hey y/n, do you want to go grab a drink? I think you’ll need it if you are to tolerate these guys” Namjoon offered.

“I trust you know best” you smile and quickly follow behind him. His shoulders wide and his muscles very visible even through his airy shirt. This guy was a whole statue.

“By the way, I’ve never seen you at parties before. I think I saw you once at the December ball but that’s about it. Not really a big fan of these kind of things, are you?” He suddenly said. You can’t really decode his words. How did Kim Namjoon know you even went to the December ball? You’re pretty sure you didn’t even talk to him that night.

“Interested in me much?” You give him a cheeky smile but he was just looking at you, a couple of seconds passed without him responding “I’m only joking! It’s true I don’t really attend these sort sort of things.”

“And what do you do for fun miss y/n?” He laughs and you swear if you could bottle the sound and get drunk on it you would.

“Oh you’ll think I’m lame”

“Try me” he said in a serious tone while starring right through your eyes. Suddenly, your body felt too heavy for your legs to bear. How can he get to you like that?

“Okay…” You start, him looking at you like that didn’t help control your train of thought, but you manage to get a hold of yourself “So you know that little corner cafe on willow street? Every Friday they have these comedy music nights. A guy-“

“Park Jihoon and the little funny guitar, yeah! I used to go there every Friday during my freshman years! Do they still do that old thing? I swear the pun with the atom never failed to make my day.” He started laughing again.

“Whoah what? You’re telling me you’ve been to the shrieking shack?” That place was a little treasure you’d found earlier this year. It was an amazingly cozy place, perfect during the cold winter time. The staff were all so kind and wore these big oversized colorful ties. But the people going there were all much older than you. You’ve never heard someone your age talk about that place. Let alone a person like Namjoon.

“Careful how you talk to a veteran y/n. I’ve basically helped to build the place” he chuckled.

“Y/n is that you?” A familiar voice greeted you.

“Jimin! Oh my god, hey! It’s been ages since I’ve seen you!” You hug him.

Jimin was a great soul, he majored in contemporary dance and ballet. He had been traveling for the past couple of years enrolling in some extra ballet classes in the magical city of Paris. You envied him for his talent and admired him for his passion.

“Girl, you have to come visit me. You’ll love Europe!”

“I would also LOVE to have some money in my wallet” you laugh “Oh Jimin, this is my friend, Namjoon. We go to collage together”

Namjoon gave you a look and soon after shook Jimin’s hand “What’s up. Nice to meet you”

“Nice to meet you too! But y/n, I’m so so sorry, I have to go. I was actually on my way out just now. I sort of uhm, have a thing-you know” he coughed “I’m leaving in two weeks, can we please meet before that?”

You knew Jimin was probably off to his ex boyfriends house. They broke up before Jimin left for Paris but every time he got back he’d have a couple of hookups with him. “Oh yeah! I bet you’ve got something very important right now, you better go quickly” you teased him “I’ll text you tomorrow, ok?”

Jimin laughed so much his eyes were barely visible “definitely! text me! I’ll be off then! Bye mister Kim Namjoon” he playfully said and was out of your sight a second later.

“You two seem…close” Namjoon suddenly commented

“Yeah! We were! But he has been studying abroad for like two years now.”

Namjoon’s facial expression was quite enigmatic “Did you guys ever… you know”

“Oh no no no.” You pause to make a small chuckle “Jimin isn’t exactly interested in, well, girls like me, or to be exact, girls in general”

Namjoon’s eyes widened and he immediately bursted into laughter “oh… I see” he made a pause “So tell me then, how come the old soul that never goes to parties finally attends one?”

You feel your cheeks burn red. Partly because the reason you went was him. You don’t know why, but the past month you and Namjoon hit it off very well and you wanted to test Jisoo’s crazy theory, you wanted to make sure for yourself if Namjoon was interested in you or not. Now the problem was, even if it turned out he did like you, you didn’t know what you’d do exactly. Namjoon was a really nice guy, but he didn’t come without his red flags.

“Just wanted to try something different, I guess”

“And how’s that 'different' treating you so far?”

What could you possibly tell him? That you have enjoyed every minute you guys have been talking? That you think that just by staring at you he could make you feel things no other guy could? You barely can admit all of that to yourself. “I think pleasantly surprised is the right way to put it” you repeat his words from before.

You see him smile at that. “You know what y/n? I’m really happy you came”

How can he make your heart beat so fast with just one sentence? “Oh really? And why is that?”

“I don’t know, I guess… I just like talking to you, you know? Whenever I’m around you I feel at ease, like I can tell you anything. I feel different when I’m with you, but in a good way”

“Wow” that sound escaped your lips without your consent

Namjoon laughed “Why? Is it too weird?”

“No! Definitely not weird, more like, I don’t know, surprising?”

“In what way?”

“Well you’re… Kim Namjoon, you’re the 2021 class president and you’re like the most popular guy in the whole campus right now.” You made a pause “And I’m just..-“

“The most interesting girl I’ve ever met” he cuts you off

The way he was looking down at you made butterflies grow in your stomach “You really think so?”

He gently grabbed your waist and pulled you closer to him “I know so” he leaned down, you swear his eyes had the whole galaxy painted inside of them. You couldn’t even breath properly at this point. Kim Namjoon was too close and the only thing you were thinking about was how well his kiss would feel “God, you’re so beautiful” he said and pulled you in for a soft, gentle kiss.

You couldn’t believe your senses. Kim Namjoon was kissing you and you really thought the earth had stopped spinning right then and there. You could feel his big palms traveling up and down your back.

His kiss was breathless, jubilant, filled with the joy of life, and you should stop him, he is no good to you, you know that, but his scent is delightful and his lips are so warm.

Unconsciously, your hands reach the inside of his shirt. His skin hot and soft at the touch.

"y/n" he practically moans your name, and just the sound makes your knees go week "Don't do that, I don't think I'll be able to stop"

"Who said anything about stopping?" You say and go back to kiss him even more passionately this time.

“There’s a lot of people here, my room is upstairs, would you perhaps want to-“

“Yes.” You immediately say. You don’t care about anything anymore, you’d let your future self deal with the consequences of today’s actions. The only thing that has been lingering in your mind is how good he’d feel inside of you.

The moment you’re finally alone in his room, he lifts you up, swinging you around and kissing you. It was like a dream. Namjoon was everything you wanted. Your reluctance about getting with him didn’t matter any more, the tingly feeling in your stomach overtook every single bit of hesitation you had. You needed him.

“God, you’re lovely” he exhaled

He looks at you as he sinks you down on the bed. Planting a soft kiss before his hands quickly begun to peel away clothes, yanking his belt loose, fumbling hurriedly at his trousers.

You look at his lips tracing your skin and the faint moisture left behind, you look at his muscly arms as he lifts you up and sinks you down again, you look at him looking at you, with eyes brighter than the sun itself. Was this all a dream?

When your dress was finally off he undoes your bra clasp on the way down. Slowly planting kisses on your collarbone, the tops of your breasts, your sternum, and you arched you back as you were needy for more.

His lips finally reach your nipples .Your boobs smooth under his hands, your nipple firm under his tongue, and there, that makes you squirm again, a little more insistently this time.

“Fuck, I’m so fucking wet right now, I feel it” You moan

You see him raise an eyebrow. A vivid smirk painted on his face “Let’s check, shall we?”

He splays his hand low across your belly, and the first brush of his thumb over your clit makes you breathe in sharply and him forget to breathe at all.

“I’m your friend?” He breaths in, his voice dangerously low

“Oh come on” You manage to say in between moans “what was I supposed to tell Jimin?”

His strokes and flicks are light and teasing, his thumb carefully circling around your clit. He gives you a slow, constant, unyielding pressure that makes your breath come up short, makes your toes curl in the effort not to move.

“I’m gonna fuck the word ‘friend’ right out of your pretty little mouth” he covers your mouth with an intense kiss before slipping two fingers of his free hand inside of you, and you makes a noise like triumph and want all wrapped up together. If his fingers felt like this, you can’t imagine how his dick felt like.

“Hmm?” He doesn’t look up, he keeps his eyes on his hands, on you, spread out beneath him “You like that baby?”

God, just the way the word 'baby' sounded coming from his mouth could make you come right this second. You look at him, his eyes look as hungry as his voice sounded. This dude was out of this world.

“Please Namjoon, I want it, I want you inside of me right now”

Namjoon lowered his underwear, and simply pressed his hard member on your slit. You could feel his balls softly caressing your clit as he made subtle movements while kissing you. “Such a needy little thing” he teases “Tell me how bad you want my cock inside of you”

“Oh..” you moan “I’d do anything, please…give it to me… fuck me like you own me” you whined as you used your pussy to caress his length up and down. He seemed to enjoy they way you touched him.

“Fuck y/n… that feels so good” he rests his forehead on yours.

“Imagine what my inside will feel then” you whisper in his ear “I’m such a tight good girl” you move your mouth in front of his, bitting his bottom lip as he growled when he felt your movement grow faster

“Fucking hell” he immobilized your body with his hands and pressed you down to the bed. He immediately shoves his dick inside you, filing you up to the brim before staying there for a couple of seconds and then pulling out completely. That movement made your vagina crave to be filled all the way up again.

“More” you whine, a dopey expression all over your face. You were so needy of him, but you didn’t care.

He lowered his left hand towards your thigh and gave it a big squeeze, kissing you aggressively while doing so. He quickly braced himself back into you, you felt your walls completely wrap around his member. It felt magical.

His strokes long and steady in the beginning. Every time he went in and out completely you felt the pit of your stomach burn in pleasure. Namjoon was doing everything right, you can’t lie to yourself, this is the best sex you’ve ever had. Normally with other guys you don’t even come close to coming, but now, you feel yourself trying not to do so.

“You like my dick being inside of you baby?” He plants a small kiss on your neck and goosebumps run down your spine.

‘Like’ was nowhere near good enough of a word to explain how much the sensation of him thrusting his hard member in and out of you made you feel. “I love it Namjoon… I just love it…”

Your words must’ve turned Namjoon even more on, because his pace immediately started becoming faster and sloppier. Every time your skin touched a loud sound could be heard. Namjoon was thrusting deeper and deeper into you, and every time he’d fill you up completely you’d cry out his name.

“Ah, I like my name so much better when you fucking moan it like that” he says and started shoving his dick inside of you like crazy. You could tell he was close to coming, and so were you.

It wasn’t long until you felt your walls clenching and your toes curling. The sensation overtook all of your body, it was mad… your heart beat uncontrollable. Namjoon made you feel a completely new range of emotions.

“Ah y/n, I can feel you cumming all over my dick” his voice cracky, You could see how turned on he was by all of this, by you. “Fuck” he shoved harder “You’re so” harder “fucking hot”

Namjoon stopped and pulled out immediately spreading his cum all over your tummy. The sight was breathtaking, you’ve never found a man so attractive while coming before, but then, Namjoon is no ordinary man.

He quickly grabs a couple of tissues and wipes you clean before laying on top of you again, placing another soft kiss this time. His hand playing with your hair. You were both naked and sweaty and a mess but it felt so magical. You wrapped your hands around his broad shoulders, pulling him even closer to you. You didn’t want even a centimeter of distance between you and him.

He suddenly stopped kissing you and simply stared at your eyes. After a minute or two, or maybe three, you're not really sure, time didn't exist right now, he tacked a string of hair behind your left ear.

“Y/n, let me take you on a date. Please. I know you don’t normally go out with guys like me, but I swear I’ll make it worth your while-“

“Park Jihoon and the little funny guitar. How does that sound? Or are you too good for the shrieking shack now?” You chuckled

“I’d love that” he smiled, making your heart melt a little.

#bts reactions #namjoon reaction #namjoon fanfic #bts fan fiction #bts fanfiction #bts fan fic #namjoon imagine #bts imagines #bts scenarios #namjoon scenarios #bts college au #bts smut #bts fluff #namjoon smut #namjoon fluff #namjoon fic

317 notes · View notes

spencersmagic · 3 years

Text

a knife twists at the thought - SR

Prompt: a knife twists at the thought that i should fall short of the mark - Arctic Monkeys

Summary: Spencer is new to this, and the poor boy is terrified

Couple: Fem! Reader x Spencer Reid (i picture season 2/3 Spencer but y’all do you)

Category: angst

Word count: 3086 words

Warnings: general criminal minds stuff, mentions and descriptions of torture, descriptions of loss, HAPPY ENDING!!, my 3am writing, tooth rotting love, uhmm spoilers for Orwell’s 1984 (if anybody hasn’t read it), humiliation, Spencer crying and breaking my heart (lmk if you need anything warned or trigger tagged).

A/N This is very loosely based on 2x15 (VERY LOOSELY). I’m quite proud of this one :)

masterlist // 505 series taglist

*****

They say you never see it coming.

When a tragedy occurs, and someone’s life is turned upside down forever, they never see it coming. It just... hits them. Like an oncoming car ramming into a bystander who was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

No one has time to prepare. In our time-starved lives, there is no place for such a warning.

One day, you just wake up. And they’re not next to you. They’ve disappeared, leaving the stickiest, most unforgettable parts of themselves behind for others to grieve to: the smell of their shampoo in the pillows they used to share, the seconds just as you wake when you still feel like you have them - only to gain full consciousness and realise they left you behind - even the fucking jars, which never seem to be open because he’s just not there to do it.

And you feel your heart breaking all over again as your soul sticks to the parts that couldn’t be erased with the rest of him as he left. Because you needed him, you had him, and now he’s gone. No warning, no letter, no signs which could’ve helped you foresee such a tragedy, because how could he? He didn’t disappear on purpose.

She doesn’t understand why he's so absent. So unequivocally missing. And the person she would turn to to ask these riddled questions isn’t there to answer. Because he’s gone.

But they’re not there yet.

And she feels so close to that feeling - the helplessness, the pain, the empty cups next to her bed because he always carried them to the sink when she was finished with her tea the mornings of those rare days they got to sleep in. Those days when they had time. She can practically touch, with the tip of her fingertips, the waves of pain that would surge over her if he was gone for one more fucking minute.

She has to remind herself, over and over again, like a mantra. He’s not gone yet.

The “yet” at the end of her mantra just breaks her all over again.

She was always the one to tell Spencer “if you worry before something happens, in case it goes wrong, and then it does, you’ve managed to suffer twice through something painful for absolutely no reason”. It usually worked. Needless to say, she felt like a hypocrite right about now.

Because Spencer is gone. And she doesn’t know how to bring him back.

She knows only to watch the monitor, never once blinking, taking in everything that happened in that damned livestream - every word, every sound, every reference. She can only try to hear anything over the whimpers and sobs her love was letting out as he’s tortured by that man. She can only hear the cracks of his knuckles against Spencers soft skin, the same soft skin she had kissed mere hours ago before telling him to “be careful”. Her own way of saying the three little words the couple was too young to hear. She can only see his lips parting, sobs rumbling out of his body as the unsub abuses his frame over and over again - same lips which had kissed her forehead before telling her “i always am”.

Then again, she isn’t sure if its his voice which is filling her head with painful sounds or if her mind is playing tricks on her, memorising the horrifying vibrations coming from his chest for her to ever consider anything else. She hasn’t stopped hearing him since she turned on that damned computer.

She isn’t sure she’ll ever stop hearing it.

As a man of great intellect, Spencer always recurred to knowledge to understand difficult occurrences in his life. Burying himself in textbooks, novels, poems, and even music to understand pain, and himself having a life filled with it, he was an incredibly knowledgeable man.

He knew much. But right now, he only knew one thing.

In Orwells’ 1984, as Winston was being tortured (much like Spencer is right now), Orwell described the following:

“Never, for any reason on earth, could you wish for an increase of pain. Of pain you could only wish one thing: that it should stop. Nothing in the world was so bad as physical pain. In the face of pain there are no heroes, no heroes”.

And, as a man who had acquired most of his intellect by immersing himself in trivial content in the face of pain, he found himself doing the same thing as the unsub hurt him over and over again, each blow seemingly more painful than the last. As his skin bruised, a causality of his abusers torment, he analysed the seemingly logical quote.

It must depend on the person, he was sure. In fact, a number of factors must be taken into consideration at this statement. For starters, Winston lives in a society incapable of any human feelings. There is only dominance, and those who attempt, in vain, to challenge it. Surely, if he had felt happiness, like the one you feel when the first day of spring rolls around, or like the one that creeps up on you as you look into the eyes of your loved one, surely, he would understand that some things can outweigh pain.

Love.

If Spencer’s mind could make sense of what he was feeling right now, he would understand, something he would figure of were he to leave this damned place, that he was thankful to the Gods, were there any, for having the unsub kidnap him and not Y/N.

Winston hadn’t understood emotional pain because emotions weren’t dealt with regularly. They were discouraged. That’s why he believed that there are no heroes in the face of pain. Because he doesn’t understand emotional pain.

He knew he was suffering. He also knew that Y/N was at the other side of the blinking camera suffering more than he could ever imagine.

They say emotional pain lasts 12 minutes. Anything one feels after this would be the aftermath of the cause of the pain in question. Pure emotional pain, the one you practically feel in your chest, the one that says “i can’t think, feel or be. not until this feeling dissipates”.

She had learned this from Spencer.

And she wished it were true. As she watched that damned monitor, she wished that all the venom the unsub was spewing at Spencer, all the verbal abuse, was long forgotten. She wished he could only feel the physical pain. Because the mind is incredibly stronger than the body - it could keep him awake, alive, for just enough time for the team to rescue him.

The entire team had huddled around the monitor around her. She was painfully aware that other people were seeing this. Which meant it wasn’t her imagination. It wasn’t another one of those damned dreams she would have when she slept a little too far away from Spencer’s touch.

They had only been together for two months, but his touch was all that could get her to fall asleep.

She jolted as the unsub landed another slap on Spencer’s cheek, swiftly grabbing his hair for him to look into the camera. He had a cut above his right cheek, just where she would kiss him in the mornings, and bruises all over his neck, jaw and left eye.

“Say hi to your team!” he mocked Spencer, chuckling darkly as he moved his almost lifeless body around for the team to watch in horror. Spencer let out a heartbreaking sob, feeling so vulnerable.

“Why don’t we make this interesting?” he jumped, as if he had gotten an idea. The unsub reached behind himself to grab a pistol, clicking off the magazine safety to put one bullet in one of the eight slots, leaving the other seven free. He pointed it at Spencer’s temple.

Her entire body shook the thought of seeing Spencer’s lifeless body, held up only by the ropes and that sick man’s grip around his curls. The same curls she grabbed as she kissed his face when she wanted his attention.

“I’m going to ask you some questions...” he said, voice dripping with sickening sweetness as he turned the roulette, “and if i don’t like your answer i’ll pull the trigger! Let God decide what I do with you. Sounds good?”. He wanted to humiliate Spencer.

However, Spencer made the mistake of not answering him. He was quickly reminded as the barrel of the gun pointed right between his eyes, pulling the trigger, a loud bang! sound expanding through the barn.

“I asked you a question!” he suddenly yelled into Spencer’s face.

“Y-yes, Sir” he whimpered, shaking at the ease at which the man pulled the trigger.

“Good, you’re learning”.

She experienced it by bits. Hotch’s hoarse voice. “Talk to me Garcia”. “We’ve got coordinates”. Everybody rushing to the SUVs. Tripping over her own feet on the way to the car. Morgan’s voice. The iPad, which still carried Spencer’s whimpers and the man mocking tone.

“I’ve got your diary, Spence” his sing-song voice didn’t match the disgusting man she was looking at. Nothing made sense.

“And I wanna know why...” he drew out the ‘y’ as he looked for something between the worn pages between his hands.

Of course she knew Spencer owned a diary. But she was mature enough to keep her hands to herself and her eyes on her own pages as he wrote on his, eyebrows creasing as he recalled all which he had experienced during the day. His face would twitch slightly at the memories, both good and bad, as he basically described his day word by word.

“...why did you wait until you were 24 to lose your virginity?” he asked in a clear attempt to humiliate and ridicule Spencer in front of his team.

“I-I didn't-” he could barely finish a word before a sob wrecking through his body at the humiliation, chest rumbling and voice wavering. “I didn’t want to lose it before, i w-wasn’t in a hurry” he rushed out. The man brought the pistol to his own chin, tapping it as he thought. “Hmm... I’m satisfied with your answer. Let’s dig deeper, shall we?” he asked as he went back into the pages.

“ooh! This one is new” that sick bastard was having fun with this, completely unaware that the team was less than 5 minutes away from their location.

“Care to read what you wrote three days ago? Right here” he turned the pages so Spencer could read them, though he was painfully aware of that entry he was talking about. His body shook violently. “P-please. D-don’t ma-make me do t-this” he whimpered, body feeling defeated.

“Wrong answer” the unsub said before pointing a gun at him and pulling the trigger.

A shriek was heard from the iPad. The SUV went silent.

“He’s alive” she whispered, unable to speak up. “He-” she swallowed. “He’s alive. We’re not there, yet” her mantra became a reminder that she hadn’t been quick enough to help him. She had the tools to save him. Every second she had the knowledge to save him and didn’t was another second she remained impotent at the risk of losing the love of her life.

Spencer’s voice spoke from the iPad.

“C-can you at-at leas-st turn off t-the ca-amera?” he said between sobs.

And it hit her.

What hurt him the most wasn’t the memories he had to relieve, but the fact that the rest of the team would have to hear his most intimate thoughts. His deepest secrets.

He could bare the pain. The humiliation? That broke him.

“Aww” the unsub chuckled mockingly, “are you embarrassed?” he said, slouching down to look into his eyes. “Well too fucking bad!” he screamed into his face, spitting with every word he spewed at him. Spencer’s sobs got louder.

“O-okay okay!” Spencer caved, accepting the journal that got shoved into his face.

“Read, pretty boy” the unsub sang. That son of a bitch was having fun.

“We’re two minutes away, Y/N” Hotch said. Maybe it was he sobs, which were barely audible to herself, having accepted them as second nature after all the heartbreak she was experiencing, but Hotch needed her to be okay.

His own heart thumped into his chest, feeling as helpless as he’d ever felt. Seeing a member of his team - someone he was supposed to take care of, someone he was supposed to keep safe - was sobbing as he was physically and emotionally tortured. But he was painfully aware of the feelings Y/N was experiencing. The sheer fear that was running down her veins at the idea of them running out of time.

After a few sobs, Spencer started reading, interrupting himself occasionally with his whimpers:

“It’s been three months. Today, three months, seven hours and forty-six minutes ago, she did what I didn’t have the courage to do. She asked me out. “I’ve been wanting to ask you pretty much since the day i met you” she had said. Those words keep ringing in my head like a beautifully written symphony, intrinsically designed to make me face my deepest fears. Opening my scars one by one, dissecting them and reaching the simple conclusion that i was a coward.

She didn’t say it, but what she meant was “i’ve been waiting for you to do it, but you never did, so i had to”. We wasted time - a time so precious and sacred - because i was a coward.

I’ve never felt like this before. I never understood a love so deep as to move something so stubborn as the human spirit. I’ve read textbook after textbook, and novel after novel, and still I’ve never learned more than with her. But I was a coward. And i wasted her time. I fear that I still am.

A knife twists at the thought that i should fall short of the mark. It’s impossible for me to ever be enough for her”.

Her heart broke at this confession. Even worse at the thought that he wouldn’t’ve told her, instead inhaling fear and exhaling rejection at every breath he took next to her.

“We’re here” she heard Hotch, looking at her. She grabbed a bottle of water and dropped the iPad, not hearing the teams objections at the lack of vest and preparation and ran into the barn.

She isn’t sure if she’ll ever stop hearing his whimpers. As she runs closer, she hears them louder and louder, decorated with sobs and cries, and small, meaningless replies to his abusers’ mocking words.

She kicked the door down, the loud bang booming across the room, only helping in raising Spencer’s sobs as he feared the sound had been the result of a certain trigger being pulled. As she looks at him, she realises just how much pain he’s been put through.

She remembers Orwells words, much like how Spencer had remembered them mere hours ago. And disagrees, wishing over and over, praying to the Gods that she would be the victim of such atrocious abuse. She wished she could take his pain. Morgan joined her at her side mere seconds later, yelling. “FBI! Put the gun down!”.

Spencer used the last bit of energy to lunge forward, hitting the unsubs stomach with his head, successfully getting him on the floor for Morgan to apprehend. Y/N rushed to Spencer’s side, untying him, as his now nonexistent sobs grew louder and louder, not only at the prospect of getting out of that horrible place alive, but also at the knowledge that Y/N had heard what he had so dreadfully recited.

Spencer collapsed into her arms, crying into her in the same way she was crying into him, and she wondered just how to take away all his pain. So they cried into each other, desperately grasping each others hair, skin, clothes, anything that would make them feel like they wouldn’t have to spend another damned second without the company of each other.

Spencer was the first to break the silence.

“I need-” he stopped, coughing. She reached for the bottle of water she had brought with her because she knew he would need it. She always knew what he needed.

He chugged it desperately, stray drops falling down his chin at his eagerness. He took a deep breath trying to steady his lungs.

“I need to get out of here” he choked out.

She grabbed him under the shoulders, careful not to hurt him - not being successful, realising that there wasn’t much of him the man hadn’t hurt. Y/N pulled him out, sitting down on the grass with him. Their legs intertwined, pulling each other impossibly closer. They kissed, over and over again. Not as an act of any sexual relevance, but as a reminder that they had each other in any way, shape or form. That they weren’t out of time.

The team was certain they would stay there, never letting each other go for another minute.

After what felt like seconds in their time-starved little world, she broke the silence, which had only been filled with their own cries and occasional sobs.

“Spence” she grabbed his chin to look into his eyes. They were dull, red and hooded. He was exhausted. “Mhmm?” he let out, looking into hers. She was his solace.

“How could you ever think you were anything but completely and unequivocally enough?” she whispered the words he dreaded.

But as Spencer looked into her eyes he knew, better than he had ever known anything, that he was enough. And she was enough. He realised that which she had known for the past three months (possibly longer). They fit like two marvellous puzzle pieces.

Her hands grabbed his cheeks slowly, as to not hurt or startle him, pulling his forehead into hers. “Baby, I can’t imagine anybody else waking up to me every morning. You’re so much more than enough”, she planted a small kiss on his forehead before resuming her position. “I’ll remind you every day of the rest of my life if that’s what it takes for you to believe it”.

And with their eyes closed, foreheads and noses pressed together and legs tangled between each other, pulling each other close, closer - around grass and voices and his abuser pressed into the hood of a police car, they only felt each other. With their shaky breaths, even shakier voices, fearing any words that would leave them in case they triggered a cascade of tears down their oh so vulnerable cheeks, they were more than enough.

***

I hope y’all liked it!! Feel free to let me know by liking, reblogging, or sending me a message :)

super cool kid taglist: @lady-anon-x @spencerreid-mgg @eoupe @inlovewithbabygirl @galaxydefenderjulia @username2002

413 notes · View notes

taestefully-in-luv · 3 years

Text

The Island | KTH (Three)

Summary: You’re just two strangers waking up in a room on a lonely island where a company in the business of love has placed you. They believe that thanks to their in depth research you two are destined soulmates. What happens when your ‘soulmate’ and you want nothing to do with each other but falling in love is the only way to leave?

Pairing: Taehyung x Female reader

Genre: strangers to lovers, very slight enemies to lovers, soulmates au, roommate au, slow burn, fluff, smut, angst, slight crack, and drama.

Word Count: 10.5k

Warnings: swearing, sexual tension (?)

Notes: Hi everyone! Here’s ch3 of the island, hope you guys like it. let me know if you want to be added to the taglist, or send an ask if just want to chat about the stories!:)

taglist: @ggukkieland @monvieesdaebak @707sblog @peacedreamer14 @dopedreamfireparty @everythingnamjoon @taebae19 @typicalgenzworld @mooniyooni @getmemyfries

Previous --- Next

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

“Okay here goes…” Taehyung preps himself to read the ‘Request’. “The two subjects,” He pauses, rubbing his hands dry on his sweats. “Are required to experience a first date with at least 3 romantic gestures.” He pauses again, blinks at the screen then turns to face you. “A first date? These people want us to what? Have a romantic dinner?”

“So we just have to like, have dinner together…” you begin, turning away from him to face the screen yourself, “That’s not that bad.” You admit.

“What the hell counts as a romantic gesture though?” Taehyung runs a hand through his hair as he continues to look at you. “Like, maybe I cook for you?”

“That’s not a bad idea for a romantic gesture…but that’s if you’re wanting to go through with the request…we could always check out what the penalty is…” you look at him with tired eyes and he frowns at you.

“Remember you talked about how if a request is ‘pure’ enough…” he begins, “That we could just do it. This request isn’t so bad. Let’s just do it.”

“Hm…” you look down at your feet. “But how do we split up the gestures?”

“I’ll do two and you can do one.” He offers with a strained smile, he takes a step back from you and looks all around the room, “It’ll be fine.” He assures you.

“This is so awkward.” You breathe out, then you notice more words showing up on the T.V screen.

“What’s that?” you ask, squinting your eyes. “There’s more?”

“I’ll read it…” Taehyung inches closer to the TV. “Tip:” he says, “Studies show that women are attracted to men wearing blue.” Taehyung scoffs then starts laughing.

“Well, I know what not to wear.” His eyes slide to the side to look at you and he sighs out. “Do you like blue?”

“I don’t really care.” You pinch your nose in annoyance. “We have 24 hours to do this—”

“Tonight, we can do it tonight.” He gets out in a rush, “It’s really our only opportunity for dinner, don’t you think?”

“Oh that’s true.” You huff “Fine.”

“Why are you in such a bad mood?” Taehyung eyes you, “It’s just dinner…”

“No, it’s not that…I just have no idea what to do for a romantic gesture.” You admit, feeling annoyed.

“Oh.” He starts to chuckle, “I can do all three?” he offers with a smile and you shake your head.

“No, that’s not fair.” You say. “Plus, wow…do you really have that many romantic gestures up your sleeve?”

“Something like that.” His cocky grin tells you everything you need to know. Perhaps Taehyung is quite the player in his real life?

“Let’s just meet tonight…”

“I’ll pick you up at your bedroom door once the sun starts setting.” He says and you nod your head in agreeance.

What even makes something romantic? This will probably just be like any other dinner…and for that you’re thankful. You don’t think you can handle the pressures of a real date. But you suppose you will still put some effort. How fancy does this have to be? Should you ask Taehyung?

“Um…” you bite on your lips and Taehyung looks you over, his eyes falling to your mouth as you chew on it.

“What?” he finally asks.

“How should I dress?” you gesture towards your body and Taehyung’s mouth opens to say ‘Ah’ and he nods.

“Something really nice. Maybe a dress, if you want?” he tilts his head, “I mean, I’m not trying to tell you what to wear.”

“That would be easier for me.” You laugh. “Have someone pick my outfits for me.”

“I could look in your closet—”

“I was kidding, Taehyung.”

~~~~~~~~

You stand in your closet and look at all your options—you have a lot. This place was not messing around…they must have known dates were coming because there is a variety of dresses that are quite fancy to choose from. Your fingers drag over the material of a few dresses when your hand stops on a cute black number. You take it off the hanger and push it up against your frame and eye yourself in the mirror…this is cute, really cute. You decide to try it on when your eyes widen in pleasant surprise. The dress fits perfectly—it’s smooth over your curves and has an open back. You approve.

You have been thinking all day what your romantic gesture is going to be but come up empty handed. You have absolutely no idea…you were never the romantic type exactly. Your ex wasn’t that romantic…and neither were you so it’s okay. But you don’t have too much experience in this field and you’re starting to stress out. Taehyung asked that you stay out of the kitchen while he cooks you two dinner…he wants it to be a surprise. The biggest surprise is that Taehyung is okay with all of this, that he agreed to do the request in the first place. You were sure he was going to want to check out the penalty and avoid spending any more time with you than necessary.

For the first time since being on the island you decide on wearing some makeup. Just some light foundation, mascara, and some lip stick. The look is simple yet kind of sexy—if you do say so yourself. It’s been several hours now…you walk to your window and pull back the drapes, the sun is starting to set. Taehyung should be here at any moment and you have to admit your nerves are starting to spike. But you have to remind yourself this isn’t a real date, this is just a show for the cameras. You’re basically being forced into this. Taehyung is being forced into this…you can’t help but frown. You walk back into the bathroom and look into the mirror…did you try too hard? Is this look too much? You’re about to wipe off the lipstick when you hear light knocking on your bedroom door. Welp, here goes nothing.

You stand in front of your door with the knowledge that Taehyung is just on the other side waiting for you and you feel you stomach feel all weird. You hate this. Is this just anxiety? Then there is more knocking on the door, breaking you out of your daze. You reach for the knob and turn it and begin to slowly open the door. And then you see him. Taehyung is wearing a dark long sleeve button up shirt that is tucked into his black pants…you notice how his hair is slightly parted and not as messy as usual and you internally chuckle. He looks at you with an awkward smile before he’s bringing a small “bouquet” of flowers between your bodies.

“For you.” He says.

You tilt your head to the side with a small smile and reach for the flowers and he sighs out in relief.

“Gesture number 1, complete.” He grins and you laugh.

“Where did you even get these?”

“I picked them around the island.” He admits sheepishly, “Sorry they’re all different sizes.”

Taehyung scratches the back of his neck for a few moments before motioning towards the downstairs.

“Should we go have dinner now?”

“Sure.”

You can smell food immediately as you two make your way into the kitchen, it smells delicious and is that…garlic bread you smell? God, you would kill for some garlic bread.

“What did you make?” you ask as you begin to take a seat at the dining room table.

“Actually,” Taehyung grabs you gently by the arm, “I was thinking we could eat on the patio?”

“Oh?” you rise from the seat as he guides you by the arm, “That sounds nice.”

“Wait for me here, I’ll grab the wine and glasses.” He lets go of your arm and heads to the kitchen island. He grabs the two wine glasses and the bottle and nods towards the entry way where the back door is.

You make your way out to the back when you notice the table is set up with two plates and a lit candle.

“Is this gesture number 2?” you ask, gesturing towards the table when Taehyung scoffs.

“This is hardly a romantic gesture. How low are your standards? This is just a part of the date.” He chuckles and you can’t help but feel slightly embarrassed. Are your standards low? Because this is crazy to you…this feels over the top.

“Then what’s your second gesture?”

“Always so greedy for information.” He says under his breath, “You have to wait and see.” He sets the glasses down and pours a generous amount of wine into each. Then he is pulling out your chair for you to sit, “Here.” He says. You follow his lead and sit in the chair, feeling overwhelmed with the kindness. Is this how he dates? Is this how he usually is?

“Thanks…” you mumble.

“I’ll be back with dinner.”

You watch as Taehyung heads back inside and you sigh out heavily…this is all so weird. So awkward. Why is Taehyung being so fucking civil? He hasn’t complained even once? You stare out at the pool, the water looks so fresh and cool. The sky is lit up in pinks and purples and everything feels so lovely…and nothing makes you feel more nauseous.

Finally, Taehyung makes his way back outside with a bowl of…pasta? Noodles and what seems to be chicken.

“Chicken Piccata” he states, his voice low and hesitant. “I know Italian food is very popular for dates.” He admits shyly.

“You cooked this?”

“I don’t know if it even tastes good but lets try it.” He shovels some of the pasta on to your plate and then on to his.

“It smells really good.” You notice he also brought a bowl of bread. “But I really want this.” You reach for the garlic bread with grabby hands.

“Greedy.” He mutters under his breath with a half smile. “So god damn greedy.”

Taehyung takes a seat across from you and watches you with careful eyes as you cut into the chicken and take a bite.

“Well?”

“Jesus Taehyung, maybe you really should listen to your ancestors. This is delicious,” you moan into the food and he grins excitedly.

“Really? Really?” he starts digging into his own food and groans out when he takes his first bite, “Wow, it really is good.”

“You’re surprised? You didn’t test try it?”

“You were my test subject.”

“Oh thanks.” You deadpan.

Taehyung chuckles as he takes another bite of his food, he reaches for the wine and you do the same.

“Cheers.” He says and you roll your eyes.

“What exactly are we saying cheers to?”

“…Don’t be a brat.” He warns. “Let’s just get through this.”

“Why are you taking it so seriously?” you finally ask and he releases a long breath, his eyes looking all around the backyard.

“Because we need to pass it. What if we half ass it and fail, still get hit with the penalty then the half we did try for was for nothing? Better to just go for it and make sure we pass.”

“Oh…that makes sense. I was wondering why you were being so…”

“So what?” he leans his head forward.

“Decent.” You admit. Taehyung looks at you with wide eyes then he closes them slowly.

“y/n…” he opens them and stares at you with such a serious expression. “I was going to talk about this later…but I guess I can bring it up now.”

“Bring what up?”

“I really have been wanting to talk to you but just didn’t really know how…” he admits softly, “I wanted to…I wanted to apologize. I wanted to say sorry for…”

“For?” you ask with a raised brow, waiting expectantly.

“My strategy was stupid and obviously did not work.” He continues, “We have been here a little over two months, right? I don’t think they’re giving up on us.” he says awkwardly.

“But,” he looks at you seriously again, “I’m still not going to like, fall in love with you or anything but I can see us…getting along.” He says between soft breaths. “I won’t be avoiding you anymore is basically what I am saying.”

“You don’t have to constantly remind me of that, I get it. And same goes for you.”

“I’m tired of forcing myself…I just want to be normal.”

“Normal?”

“I’ve been such an ass to you…” his lips curve downwards and you feel your heart pinch in your chest.

“Yeah, you have.”

“You haven’t been the nicest all the time either though.” He reminds you and you feel yourself grow red.

“Fine, maybe not.”

“But I know that’s my fault.” He takes a sip of his wine, the drink leaving a purple tint to his lips. “I’m not usually like that…it’s just…it’s just—”

“I know.” You bring your own wine to your mouth and gulp down the glass. “We are in a tense situation, everyone reacts differently. I wasn’t the most mature either…”

“I wasn’t the most mature either,” Taehyung mocks, “Yeah, no shit.” He says and you rolls your eyes to the back of your head.

“I get it, you think I am a brat.”

“Because you are.” He deadpans. You two stare at one another before you are both breaking into a grin, laughter leaving your lips.

“I think we could get along.” Taehyung admits. “In a totally platonic way, of course.”

“Of course.” You assure him, going in for more of your pasta. “But what makes you think we can get along?”

“y/n…” he rolls his eyes, “Don’t act like you don’t think you could get along with me.” He smirks. “I know you want to get to know me more for starters.”

You blush at his statement, you twirl your fork in the noodles and take a bite.

“That’s normal.” You say. “We live together, of course I want to know you more.”

“Little bit little.” Taehyung promises. “Let’s eat.”

You two make small talk while eating your dinner and drinking your wine. You observe Taehyung as you two sit at this table, he smiles a lot more and laughs a lot more. The way he speaks…you realize he is a lot more innocent than you first imagined.

“And when I got the flowers I low key felt bad because what if they die so soon? I should have left them, shouldn’t I have?” he pouts and you laugh at his dramatics and he continues, “But I thought it would be considered romantic.” His light blush doesn’t go unnoticed by you.

“We can try to keep them alive as long as possible.” You promise with a slur. Taehyung quirks a brow at you, a face full of amusement as he eyes you over.

“Tipsy already?” he asks, a dark chuckle escaping his lips. “Let’s do the second gesture before you’re drunk.”

“What’s the second gesture?” you question and he stands up from his chair and extends his hand out for you to grab.

“Come with me.”

“What about our dishes?”

“I’ll come back for them later.”

You grab onto his large hand and he holds on to yours tightly as he helps you stand up, then you are quickly letting go. He leads you back inside into the living room and you stand here awkwardly as he messes with the vinyl.

“We’re going to listen to some music?” you ask and Taehyung glances your way and offers you a soft smile.

“Sort of.”

“Sort of?”

Then he’s got some slow, jazzy song playing in the background. He walks towards you and offers you his hand again.

“We’re going to dance.” He says, his voice soft and low like a hum. “Take my hand,”

“What? No way!” you shake your head and he chuckles, “I don’t like to dance!” you take a step back from him.

“You barely have to do anything, just move side to side.” He looks at you, clearly amused once again.

“This is so embarrassing.”

“Pretend they aren’t watching.”

“Even if no one else was watching I would still be embarrassed.” You set your lips into a straight line, “This is so awkward.”

“Just take my hand and follow my lead.”

You give Taehyung a look of defeat before you’re taking his hand…you grab onto it and Taehyung closes his hand around yours firmly as he guides you to the center of the living room. He hesitantly pulls you in closer, your feet clumsily moving towards him.

“You can come closer you know?” Taehyung smirks. You look up at him with doe eyes and he softens just the slightest. “Come closer.” He softly commands, pulling your body even closer to his.

His other hand travels to your bare back, his fingers sliding delicately over your skin and you close your eyes at the contact.

“By the way…Uh, never mind.” Taehyung shakes his head with an awkward smile.

“What?”

“No, nothing.”

“Just tell me, would you?”

“This dress is really nice.” He breathes out, his hand finally settling on the small of your back.

“I thought so too.” You look up at him and he narrows his eyes at you.

“Say thank you.” He pulls you in a little closer, swaying you to the lovely music.

“Fine, thank you.” You tilt your head up more to get a better look at him, “Your outfit is nice too?”

“That’s a question?” he laughs, “You are the worst on dates.”

“It’s not like this is a real date.” You whisper and he rolls his eyes.

“So you’re saying you’re usually better at this?”

“No comment.” You playfully remark, “Is dating like your specialty?”

“Not really, but I try.” He leans his head down. “Do you think I’m good at it?” “No comment.” You say and Taehyung chuckles into your neck, his breaths hitting your sensitive skin. He lifts his head back up and stares into your eyes for a few moments, his gaze lingering for far too long.

“What?” you break contact, looking to the side.

“You’re wearing makeup.”

“Should I not have?”

“No, it looks nice. Different.” He admits, “It’s the first time, right?”

“Yeah.”

Taehyung’s fingers glide up your back, he feels how soft your skin is as he stares down at you with his intense gaze.

“Do you like backless clothing?” you blurt out and Taehyung’s eyes expand in surprise, he’s immediately bringing his hand back down to your waist and clears his throat awkwardly.

“Why? Why do you ask that?”

“You keep feeling my skin.” You tell him shamelessly. “Not that it isn’t nice but it’s a little weird don’t you think?” you chuckle and he starts to turn a lovely shade of pink.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to. I did it mindlessly.” He chokes out and you laugh.

“It’s okay.” You lean up, surprising Taehyung…he starts to panic as he feels you get closer and closer. You peck his cheek, leaving such warmth behind as you lean away from him again.

“What—what was that for?”

“My romantic gesture.” A sly smile plays at your lips, “I couldn’t think of anything else, sorry.”

Taehyung lets go of your hand and takes a step away from you, he hates the blush that creeps on his cheeks, turning him into a tomato.

“So we did all three gestures then?” he asks shyly.

“I guess that means the date can end…” you look at him with a smile. “Goodnight Tae—”

“I won’t be avoiding you anymore.” He cuts you off, “We can hang out whenever.”

“Oh?”

“I’m serious about what I said earlier, I really am sorry.”

“I believe you Taehyung.” You say softly and he can’t help the smile that adorns his face.

“It’s still early…we can play a game or something?”

“How about we start with cleaning up?” you offer, gesturing towards the back. “Our dishes are still out there.”

“Right.”

~~~~~~

You and Taehyung sit on the living room sofa, he on one end and you on the other. You’re still wearing your fancy clothes and makeup, not wanting to completely waste the look. Taehyung is playing some game while you have your book in your hands, you’re barely paying attention to your book as Taehyung yells at the screen. There’s been no sign that you two passed the request or not. Do they not consider the date over? Your mind races…what if you two failed? You admit your gesture was kind of lame…but you truly could not think of anything else. What if it doesn’t count? But man, many things Taehyung did could count as gestures…the meal he cooked, the lit up candle, pulling out your chair…

You watch Taehyung as he plays his game, he’s concentrating so hard it makes you a little soft. He’s like an excited kid…a good look on him, you admit. Is this how he normally is? The bits and pieces you’ve seen of him where he’s kind and playful. Is that the real Taehyung? But you’ve learned first dates don’t reveal how a person really is.

“Come on, let me take you out.” He keeps coming to your desk to pester you as you grin down at the work in front of you.

“I told you no though.” You keep your eyes on your computer screen. “Like, 5 times already.”

“y/n.” he whines, “I know you want to.”

He’s not wrong…you’ve definitely thought about it the last few weeks…but you know, you really know it is not the wisest thing.

“I won’t tell anyone if you won’t.” he lightly teases, “Just one date. If you decide it’s not for you then I promise to leave you alone about it—”

“Good morning sir! I’ll have the report for you by noon.” Layla comes up to him with a smile on her face, she looks between you two and nods.

“Sounds good, thanks Layla.” He stiffens as he speaks.

You know getting involved with someone from work is probably a mistake…but your boss?

Layla nods again and walks off towards her own desk and he relaxes just a bit.

“One date, y/n.” he whispers.

“Fine, just one.” You finally give in, you can’t help the smile that graces your features.

“Great.” He breathes out, “I’ll contact you later.” He leans away from your desk and walks back to his office.

You feel the giddiness in your body rise…it’s been a while since you’ve gone on a date and he’s always been so sweet to you. Hopefully it goes well.

You sit on the sofa, anxiety starting to fill you up. Your breaths become a bit heavier as you stare down at your book and you feel your eyes gloss over. You hate this. You hate thinking about him—remembering him. It brings you down so much that it just hurts.

“Hey…” You hear Taehyung’s voice cut through your thoughts, “You okay?”

You were so lost in your own world you forgot about Taehyung and how he is sitting two feet away from you.

“Yeah,” you sigh out, “fine.”

“You sound…” he bites on his bottom lip, contemplating what to say. “Okay, if you say so. Want to play a game with me?”

“Honestly, I think I’ll get ready for bed.”

“I was thinking we can finally watch that movie…” Taehyung offers, “Or we can watch a different movie.”

“Sorry Taehyung, but I think I’ll go to bed.” You close your book and stand to your feet, the blanket falling off your body. You turn to face him and offer him an apologetic smile and begin to head upstairs. Taehyung hears your light footsteps travel up the stairs and then he’s hearing the soft click of your bedroom door closing. He sighs out heavily. Maybe this was too much for you? Are you overwhelmed?

Taehyung pauses his game, his grip tightening on the controller. Maybe he was previously too much of an asshole to you that you can’t see him any other way now. He would really hate that…he wants to not just be civil with you, but he wants to get along. You two are stuck together, might as well become something like friends.

He leans back on the sofa and groans out in subtle frustration. He doesn’t want to be frustrated…it’s not like he’s frustrated at you but more like this whole day. Did he do too much? He’s starting to feel bad…you don’t seem to use to romance. You must be overwhelmed and it’s most definitely his fault. Maybe he should talk to you? Apologize? Yes, that’s what he’s going to do.

Taehyung sits up from leaning on the couch and decides that’s exactly what he’s going to do. He’s going to go upstairs and tell you he’s sorry, he didn’t mean to freak you out, so on and so forth. He stands from the couch and makes his way upstairs until he’s knocking on your door. He knocks a few times waiting patiently but you don’t come to the door. He decides to knock again and again and again. He’s starting to wonder if you’re okay? Is it alright if he just walks in? He wants to know if you’re fine. You could be crying? You looked pretty choked up on the couch and he felt his heart drop at the sight. Last thing he wants is to make a girl cry.

So, Taehyung does what any normal human being would do—he barges in the room. There’s no sign of you in the bedroom but he does notice the bathroom door mostly closed, only left open a crack. He hears you humming one of his made up tunes and he can’t help but smile. He walks towards the bathroom door and begins to creep it open when he sees you through the crack…his pupils blow out at the sight. You’re wearing nothing but some lacey light pinky panties with a bra to match as you stare at yourself in the mirror, removing your make up. His eyes drag down the curves of your body, stopping every few moments to soak you in. He’s seen you in a bikini so this isn’t any different—so he keeps trying to tell himself. But the lace is almost see through and it has been a while since Taehyung has seen a sight like this.

He blinks at you, gulping down his spit and about to make his presence known when he realizes he looks like a peeping tom. Fuck. He doesn’t know what to do, he’s frozen here just staring at you. His eyes travel up your body until he’s staring at your face and unfortunately, very, very unfortunately, your eyes meet his in the mirror.

“Taehyung?” you whisper then your eyes turn into saucers. “What the hell!” you grab a t shirt from the counter and slip it over your body and walk towards the bathroom door. You swing it open and look at him expectantly.

“Want to tell me why the hell you’re watching me when I’m not wearing any clothes?”

Taehyung gulps again, feeling caught red handed. His blush is unimaginably rosy right now, he begins to stutter out a few words but ultimately can’t find the right ones to speak. He shamelessly skims your body again… the t shirt doing very little to hide your pink lacey panties and Taehyung feels himself grow warmer at the sight.

“I was just…” he clears his throat, calming himself down. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He states firmly while still growing redder and redder.

“You couldn’t have knocked? Or like announced your presence?”

“I tried.” He defends weakly. “You didn’t answer.”

“Oh.” You sigh out, “Sorry, I’ve just been in my head I guess.”

“I wanted to say sorry…”

“You’ve already apologized plenty of times, Taehyung.”

“No, for tonight. Was it too much?”

“No…” you walk a bit closer to him, “It was nice actually.” You admit. “I’m sorry you were forced to do something like that for me.” The guilt in your voice doesn’t go unnoticed by Taehyung and his lips curve downwards.

“No one forced me to do anything.”

“You wouldn’t have done it if it weren’t for that request.” You bite, “So yeah you were forced.”

Taehyung glances down at your exposed thighs, his eyes lingering on your skin and you start to feel a bit insecure under his gaze.

“I should find some shorts.” You awkwardly chuckle. “hold on.” You turn around and start to walk towards the closet. Taehyung’s eyes slide down to your ass as you walk quite slowly. He watches how your panties ride up between your cheeks and his blush deepens. Fuck, he needs to be careful where his eyes end up.

You walk back out wearing yoga pants and Taehyung sighs in relief. But he also feels disappointed because—no, he will not have these types of thoughts.

“So, are you okay?” Taehyung awkwardly swings his arms back and forth as he waits for an answer.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Great. I’ll leave you alone now.” Taehyung says, he begins to walk backwards until his legs hit the bed. You walk forward until you’re standing in front of him and he swallows down the lump in his throat.

“Try to wear clothes from now on.” He gestures towards your body with a soft smirk, he’s trying his hardest to play it cool.

“Why?” you take a step forward, “Does it cause you trouble?”

“Nah” he says cooly, “But you want these cameras zooming in on your ass?”

“There’s no cameras in here, remember?”

“As far as we know.” Taehyung rolls his eyes. “Still, you should be careful.”

“Yes sir.” You reply and he quirks a brow in amusement. “Oh?” you take another step towards him. “Please tell me that isn’t a kink of yours.”

“And if it is?”

“Good thing I’ll never find out.” You motion your hand towards your bedroom door, signaling for him to leave.

“Right.” He smirks at you, leaving you feeling strange. “Well, goodnight y/n.” he steps closer to you, his eyes boring into yours. You breathe in and out, waiting for him to turn and leave but he continues to stare into your eyes making you feel breathless.

“What?” you finally ask, your tone soft and shy.

“Pink looks good on you.” He whispers and you freeze. He smirks down at you and turns to face the bedroom door.

Taehyung makes his way out of the room and heads back downstairs. He finds himself sitting on the sofa with his head in his hands…the memory of your ass imprinted in his mind. Suddenly, the TV turns white causing Taehyung to look up.

“PASS” written on the screen and Taehyung darkly chuckles.

“Of course.”

~~~~~~~

The switch in Taehyung’s demeanor is strange to you at first. He’s still a smart ass though and loves to annoy you. But he’s mostly kind and playful. You’re the only one who is still awkward and defensive, you hate to admit it.

“My god, woman.” Taehyung groans, “Just open the door and let me see.”

“No, I look horrible!” you yell out, “I’m wearing a hat until it grows back!”

“Just let me see.” He says with a strict voice, and you hesitantly begin to open the door and he’s facing you. You see his lips twist into a troubled smile.

“Oh my god. So it does look that bad.”

Taehyung starts busting out laughing, his laughter rumbles throughout the whole house.

“No!” he rushes to get out, “Okay, maybe a little.” He continues to laugh.

“Fuck my life.” You throw your head back and Taehyung pushes his way through the bathroom.

“I’ll fix it for you.” He offers.

“You’d probably fuck it up more.”

“Notice my hair? It looks decent right? I do it myself.” He gushes over his own abilities.

“I guess that’s true…”

“Let me do it for you.” He says more softly. “Don’t be a fucking brat.”

“Stop calling me a brat.” You pout and he pats the top of your head.

“No.” he says with a grin and you roll your eyes.

“Fine, fix it.”

Taehyung beams at you and grabs the scissors.

“This is basically a trust exercise.” Taehyung points out, “Bonding.”

“This isn’t how I want to bond. Can’t we bond like normal people?”

“Nothing about our situation is normal.” He deadpans, “Plus, this is fun.”

“For you.” You grumble.

“Yeah. Maybe. Don’t be a baby.”

“I’d rather be a baby than a brat.”

“Baby y/n.” he coos, and you swat his arm. “Hey!” he laughs out. “Be nice to your hairdresser.”

“Too bad the company can’t see us in here.” Taehyung comments.

“Why?”

“They don’t see us bonding or ‘undoubtedly falling in love’ as they would say. You know just two soulmates cutting hair”

“How can you joke so easily now?” you frown.

“Coping mechanism.” Taehyung shoots you some finger guns. “does it make you uncomfortable?”

“Not really.”

“Sweet.”

“Hey Taehyung?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for being yourself. I feel more at ease now.” You admit, you look up into his eyes and inch a little closer to him. Taehyung nods his head, taking a deep breath as he inches closer to you as well.

“You just thanked me for being…me?” he whispers.

“Yeah.” You clear your throat. “You know, unlike that asshole persona you had going.”

“I don’t think it was a total persona…I think I really was being an asshole.” He admits, closing his eyes. “I’m really sorry.” He opens his eyes again and looks at you.

“We’re in this together, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.”

“What if we faked it?” you whisper so fucking quietly he almost doesn’t hear you.

“Faked it?” he whispers back.

“Fake fall in love with me…in front of the cameras.” You say in a hushed tone, stepping closer to him. “I’ll fake fall in love with you in return. We get sent home. Bam.”

Taehyung narrows his eyes at you then scoffs,

“You think they would really buy that? Plus no offense, something tells me you’re a horrible actress.”

“I’ll have you know I am great at pretend.” You stick your nose in the air. “What do we have to lose?”

“Our dignity.” He says with a straight face. “I don’t know, y/n…”

“Give it a chance, would ya?” you frown, “it might get the requests off our backs for a while…it might not be good enough to get sent home…but I’m trying Taehyung.”

Taehyung sighs out, he can tell you really are trying. More than he currently is…you are right. You guys need a plan, sitting around all day is getting you two nowhere.

“How do we convince them?” he finally asks, his voice low.

“You’re considering it?” you ask, surprised.

“Yes.”

“Okay, I don’t know.” You admit. “We can start with some innocent flirting. Then eventually move on to sweet gestures…then pet names…then…I don’t know,” you slide your eyes to the side.

“You do know. Continue.”

“We could try being affectionate. You know, eventually. I’m not saying we do anything crazy!” you throw your hands up. “But god, this is awkward.”

“Okay…I’m listening.” Taehyung whispers, “Let’s just start easy. I can flirt. But can you?”

“I’ll have you know I am quite good at acting.” You groan.

“Prove it to me. Right now.” He steps closer to you and you feel yourself blush at the close contact.

“What’s the point? Just wait…”

“No, I’m testing you.” He admits, “I want to know you can really do this.”

You take a deep breath, your big, doe eyes narrowing at him as you step closer, your face tilting up in his space. Your fingers crawl up his chest until they’re gripping the collar of his shirt. Taehyung doesn’t seem too bothered though, he just stares into your eyes.

“How badly do you want to test me?” you ask.

He gazes into your dark eyes, he allows the moments tension to build.

“Pretty badly.” He admits, licking his drying lips.

You lean up until your lips graze the shell of his ear and he gulps, “Come test me in there.” You nod towards your bedroom and Taehyung starts to feel the heat creep up on his cheeks. There’s no way you’re making him feel flustered. Maybe your ass, but not you.

“No?” You lean away from him, loosening your grip on his shirt. “Didn’t thinks so. Don’t test me Taehyung.” You take a few steps backward and grin at him.

“How was I?” you ask, folding your arms across your chest.

“Fine.” He mumbles.

~~~~~~

Month: 3

Today is a beautiful day like many of the days you’ve seen here, but you rarely go out and enjoy them. That should change. So yes, it’s a warm and sunny day, the crash of waves sounds so inviting. And you want to experience it.

“Wanna lay on the beach today?” you are laying across the sofa with your feet put up over the top.

“Why do that when we can,” Taehyung pauses, focusing on his game. You watch as he desperately pushes against the same few buttons. “Shit!”

You roll your eyes, “Come on! We need some vitamin D!”

Taehyung’s hand freezes, he turns to face you with a smirk playing at his lips. God, you know where this is going. He’s so predictable.

“You need some D?” There it is. “y/n…I told you we aren’t like th—” you kick his shoulder with your foot. Taehyung chuckles to himself, “Okay okay fine. We can get some sun, enjoy the scenery blah blah blah”

Feeling pleased, you stand from your spot on the couch. “Great! I’ll go get dressed, you do the same okay?”

“Kay” he replies back lazily, still working his fingers on the controller. You roll your eyes again as you head upstairs.

You make your way to the kitchen when you spot Taehyung standing by the back door. He’s wearing a pair of dark blue swim trunks and a towel draped over his right arm. He’s already so tan, and his body is so…Fuck, it’s annoying how hot he is. Being friends—can you say that? Friends? Well, being friends with him is easy, but the easiest thing to do when it comes to Taehyung is looking at him. Def easy on the eyes. He’s swaying back and forth out of boredom you assume, whistling some made up tune. He’s really getting into it before you interrupt him with the clearing of your throat.

You stand here awkwardly, dressed in a simple black bikini. You have your towel held over your stomach. You notice Taehyung’s eyes widen just the slightest once he spots you. He has one of the most intimidating gazes you’ve ever seen so him staring at you makes you feel even more self-conscious than you already are. He shamelessly eyes you over. God damn it, why does he have to be so obvious? You know it’s to show the cameras he has a growing interest in you. But still, it makes you feel flustered.

“W-Well, let’s go.” you whisper. Why the fuck did you have to sound so breathless, oh my god you are so pathetic.

He smiles and nods his head towards the door, “Yeah, let’s go!”

The last month you and Taehyung have spent every day together…from gaming, to watching shows and movies to watching him paint…god, you even work out together. You two have no doubt crossed over to the friendship realm but things are still a bit awkward every now and then. Like, your god damn hormones wont chill out sometimes. It’s not like you view Taehyung that way but you do have eyes.

Wow, when you say the weather is something else. The sky is a dreamy shade of blue with a few marshmallow clouds painted on. The breeze that escapes the sea rushes through you, reminding you that you are alive. The sand beneath you is warm, the water that greets you is cool. It’s as perfect as perfect gets.

Taehyung and you lay out your towels over the grainy sandy, feeling satisfied with how soft the ground feels beneath you. You two lay out for about an hour in comfortable silence, just enjoying the weather and you know, one another’s company. Or whatever.

“Totally worth coming out, right?” You are rested on your tummy, your arms crossed underneath your head.

“It feels amaaaazing.” Taehyung mirrors your position, his head facing yours.

You decide to finally do it. You are going to ask the question. Just do it y/n. Say it now bitch…’Where are you from?’ it’s that easy, come on.

“Do you live by a beach?” Okay. Close enough.

“There’s some nearby.” Taehyung replies nonchalantly. Oh, you guess it wasn’t a big deal after all.

“I see…” You squint and raise your brows urging him to tell you more. He doesn’t.

“What about you?”

“I don’t live anywhere near a beach…it’s a far drive at least.”

A few moments of silence pass between you two. You watch as Taehyung chews on the inside of his mouth watching you. Then you close your eyes, feeling the breeze.

“Korea”

“Huh?”

“That’s where I’m from.” Taehyung says carefully.

“Cool,” I open my eyes. Then you open them a little wider.

“Well, I kind of figured…” you admit, “Your name.”

“Yeah. What about you? Where are you from?”

“(Where you’re from)”

“Nice…I wonder how they found us and matched us…”

“Yeah…” you open your eyes and take a look at him, “What do you do in Korea?”

“I was going to school.” Taehyung blinks slowly at you.

“Was?…What did you go to school for?” You ask, your curiosity obvious.

Taehyung tenses a bit before letting out a long sigh.

“Haaaa, business.”

Taehyung? In business? That seems hard to believe. Aren’t the business type more stiff and uptight? Or do you watch too many dramas?

“You don’t really strike me as the business type,” you finally say before he’s cutting you off.

“That’s because I’m not. I…”

“What?”

Taehyung looks at you cautiously then rolls his eyes. “Ah, fuck it, I have no shame. I dropped out.” He states matter of fact.

“You dropped—”

“Yup, I wanted to prioritize myself and my happiness, you know?” His eyes find yours. “My dad wanted me to go for business and eventually take over his company,” Taehyung breathes out, defeated.

“Tae…” you reach over to squeeze his forearm. Wait, is that weird? Your hand lingers on his skin. “So then, what do you do?” you rush to bring your hand back to your own body.

Taehyung’s face lights up just a bit at your question. He looks happier, his cheeks turning a nice shade of pink.

“I quit school to pursue making music.” He admits softly. Ah, that’s why. His answer warms your insides. You love seeing him so passionate about his music, he has every right to be. He spends a lot of time in his little music studio, he hasn’t shown you any of his songs yet but you know they mean a lot to him.

“I have a few friends where I live that are in the scene and they helped me a lot…I’ve sold some songs actually,” his smile begins growing as he talks. He speaks fondly over his friends and his music but then his face falls.

“I know what you’re thinking though,” his dark eyes look into yours, “That like, how could I make a living this way…its unstable...and—”

You push your head back in disbelief. “Taehyung, that’s not at all what I’m thinking?” you pinch your brows together, “I know you’ve only known me for a little while but do I really seem like that type of person who would think that?” you laugh bitterly, “I wish you would show me a song but I’ll just have to trust you that it’s good.” Taehyung can’t help but smile at that.

“How can I trust you? I just met you?” Taehyung mocks you from the time you first met and you turn pink.

“Well, I know you a little better now…” you continue to blush.

Taehyung looks at you for a moment, his smile growing wider and wider.

“Just a little?” He finally asks, his tone softer than the clouds in the sky. You only nod, a smile shining his way.

“What about you?” he asks excited. “What do you do?” He’s scooting closer to you, thrilled like an adorable child.

The smile you are wearing begins to fade, never leaving a trace of joy.

“Umm.” you flip to your back, fingers playing at your tummy.

Taehyung senses your shift in mood and turns to lay on his back as well, “Oh…we don’t have to talk about it, I guess.” He offers.

“No, no. You opened up to me so I—"

“So you don’t have to do anything.” He states firmly.

“And if I want to?”

“Then I am all ears.” He smiles cheekily.

You reach over for your bottle of water, taking a few generous sips. Opening up is a bit hard for you, you mean damn, you can’t do it all! Sue you, you got issues. It’s not that you don’t want to open up to Taehyung—you do, you really do. You want to know the person you are living with, and vise versa. But it’s more like…you are embarrassed.

“I live with my parents.” you finally admit.

“Wait…is that what you’re ashamed of?” Taehyung asks with a puzzled look on his face.

“No, not exactly. It’s the reason why and how.

“So, then tell me why and how—if you want, of course.”

You look up at the clouds in the sky, they truly are the perfect shaped clouds, the type a child draws on a piece of paper. You squint at the sun, letting its warmth wash over you. Your eyes begin to gloss over…just a little bit. You’re not that big of a baby. Or maybe you are.

You move to lay on your side, staring directly at Taehyung. Still squinting, as if he is the sun trying to blind you.

“At my old job,” you begin, your voice small. “I got involved with someone. My last boyfriend.” You pause, recalling the memories. “Ugh, I am going to seem so pathetic.” you laugh, ashamed of yourself.

“Only pathetic thing about you is your Mario Kart places.” He teases. “But other than that you’re not pathetic, whatever it is.” He assures you. He turns to lay on his side as well, one hand holding up his head.

“Ha-ha. But no, I really am…or was. He was my boss. He started pursuing me out of nowhere and I knew, I promise I knew that it was unprofessional. But I guess somehow get won me over.” Your eyes dart all around the beach. “He got me.”

Taehyung is listening to you intently, waiting for you to continue.

“Well, I fell in love. Like an idiot. And I wanted to go public with our relationship, so I told a few coworkers. Like an idiot.”

“And then?”

“And then…he got so angry at me. Told everyone I was delusional. Called me a liar, told everyone that I came on to him. And—”

“What a fucking dick.” Taehyung looks at you incredulously, “You’re telling me, he came on to you then totally twisted it and betrayed you?”

“He…he filed an official complaint against me. Got me fired.” you try your hardest to blink back tears that threaten to bubble over and fall.

Taehyung quickly sits up, sitting with his legs crossed. “I’m sorry he—he got you… he got you fired?” Taehyung looks peeved to say the least.

“Ah,” you sniffle, using the back of your hand to clear away any stray tears that may or may not have fallen. “It’s in the past now. I had to move back home and basically start fresh, you know?”

Taehyung’s face is stoic. His lips set in a firm line and his brows set in an angry V.

“How long ago?” he finally speaks after a long moment of just staring at you.

“Just a few months.” To some that may seem like a long time, but the wound is still very fresh.

“Do you…” Taehyung bites at his bottom lip, “Do you still love him? I mean, did you love him?”

Your mouth falls open, then closes, then opens again.

“So you do?” he looks disappointed.

“No! Of course not! I mean, I did. I think I did.” You sit up too, crossing your legs out in front of you. “Maybe I didn’t.” you say quietly. “I think I don’t know what love is. But it hurt like I was in love.” Well shit, this just turned a whole lot deeper than you planned on.

Taehyung just nods in agreement not knowing what to say, you guess, you don’t blame him. Taehyung continues to just look at you, like he feels something for you. And you know what that something is—pity.

“It’s not pity, you know.” Shit, did you say that thought out loud?

“What?” you respond.

“It’s just…I wish that didn’t happen to you. This world is full of assholes y/n, no one’s safe from them. Especially not good people like you.”

“Thanks Taehyung…”

“And as far as not knowing what love is…I think you’ll know when you know. That’s what they say right?” he chuckles darkly. “You’ll have some awesome, epic love story I bet.” He finally smiles. “Because you deserve it.”

“How do you know, you barely know me?” you tease.

“I’ve been stuck with the same one person every day for like 3 months, I know you enough to know if you’re a good person. And you are.”

Your heart soars at his observation of you.

“You’re kind of a baby sometimes and you are the world’s biggest brat but still, I approve.” Taehyung leans forward with his head in his hands. “y/n’s a good person.”

Your breathing picks up a little at his words, they rush through your veins. Each and every word becomes one with your body and you ache for more. You smile for him, but it’s an awkward one and you hope to God he doesn’t notice.

“Coolio.” Why the fuck did you say ‘Coolio’? What is wrong with you for Christs sake. “Uh, anyway…” you rise to your feet, gathering your towel and bottled water. “That’s enough Vitamin D for one day!

Taehyung is still seated in his spot, just staring up at you with his gaze that drives you nuts.

“Taehyung?”

“Huh? Yeah?” He snaps out of his weird daze.

“Wanna head home?”

Taehyung rolls his eyes at you, “We’re calling it ‘home’ now?” he raises a single brow.

“Don’t be annoying.” You extend your hand for him to take, which he does. He’s standing to his feet, he has a few inches over you. You decide they’re a little intimidating after all.

~~~~~~

“What the hell did we do to deserve this?” Taehyung screams out, his loud voice booming throughout the house.

“Didn’t we just have a request not that long ago?” you question with a frown.

“It’s because you suck at flirting.” He whispers in your ear. “They aren’t buying it.”

“Maybe it’s you who sucks.” You whisper back.

“Oh baby, it’s not me. I’m not the problem.”

“Whatever, what does it say?”

“Must snuggle on the couch while holding hands while watching a romantic movie.” He scoffs, “What a childish request.” He says.

“We should be thankful it’s as childish as this.” You point out.

“What? Did you think it was going to say ‘The two subjects gotta fuck on the couch.’ Hm?” Taehyung laughs bitterly, and you roll your eyes.

“What’s the penalty?” you ask, curious.

“Does it matter? We got this.” He runs a hand through his messy hair.

You look at Taehyung, worry written all over your face.

“Wait what does the text say at the bottom of the screen?” you point towards the Tv where small letters grace the bright screen.

“Fact:” Taehyung begins reading, “Oxytocin is sometimes called the ‘love hormone’—you often have more of it in your blood if you cuddle with your partner a lot.” He gulps, “They really want to move this along, huh?”

“They said we have 24 hours to complete a ‘Request’ right? Should we do it—”

“—Tonight. Let’s just do it later tonight. I’ll leave choosing the movie to you.”

~~~~~~~

There was a storm earlier today, but it has relaxed a bit. Soft rain glides down the windows, every now and then flashes of lightning paints bright bolts against the black canvas sky. It’s calm enough to give you a sense of peace…despite your current position. You’re not one to get nervous…at least you don’t think you are. Shit, do you even know yourself? Anyway, back to your nerves. You are currently sitting shoulder to shoulder with Taehyung on the sofa, you are facing the TV with your fingers interlocked resting on top of his thighs. His thick, meaty thighs. Neither of you say a word while the movie plays—the Titanic. An honestly horrible choice. Your choice. See, this is why you don’t like to make decisions, because when you do they usually suck.

“Do you think this counts as snuggling? We are just sitting shoulder to shoulder…” you speak up, hating how your voice comes out a tad bit shaky.

“I told you this wouldn’t count as snuggling.” He huffs out, “You need to get closer to me, touch me more.”

“All the sudden I don’t remember how to cuddle with another person.” You say quickly and Taehyung looks at you with a mischievous glint in his eye.

“When’s the last time you cuddled with someone?”

“Somehow I don’t think that’s any of your business.” You say with a sharp tone. “Okay, would if I like, lay my head on your shoulder?”

“You’re so awkward. Here,” Taehyung detangles his fingers from yours and wraps his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to his body, your legs almost overlapping his. In fact, he takes one of your legs and drapes it over his thigh, then he’s bringing his arm back to his front and grabbing your hand again. He places your hands on top of your thigh, and interlocks his fingers with yours once again.

“Now we look closer.” He says nonchalantly. “And yeah, put your head on my shoulder…get comfortable. Might as well, because you chose the longest fucking movie.”

“Sorry.” You say, you look up at him and eye him carefully. He’s wearing a plain t shirt and some dark sweat pants…his hair is still kind of wet from his shower and the closer you lean into him the more you can smell him. He smells so good. Like, his soap and something else, something deep and natural. It’s filling your senses, causing you to feel slightly lightheaded.

You catch Taehyung looking at you from the corner of his eye and you quickly jerk your head back towards the direction of the TV. Shit. When will this movie end?

“I said you can lay on me…” Taehyung whispers. “We want to make sure we pass this ‘Request.’”

“Right…” you lay your head down on his shoulder, sinking a little lower into the sofa as you get comfortable. Snuggling and holding hands is hardly an issue…you’re an adult. But being watched in this situation feels odd as hell.

“What’s his face is such a dick.” Taehyung lazily comments, pulling you out of your thoughts. He seems somewhat invested in the movie, unlike yourself. God, it’s just you right? You’re the only one feeling nervous. You’re pathetic. It’s like he doesn’t even feel your hand in his, as he is so easily distracted by the damn characters in the movie.

Taehyung then begins to you are assuming, mindlessly, stroke his thumb over yours, still commenting on how Rose should kick Cal’s ass. You go rigid in his grasp but Taehyung doesn’t seem to notice. In fact, this dude just continues to play with your fingers like it’s the most natural thing to do! But then you realize maybe he’s doing it for the cameras? Yes, your nerves are fucking spiking. Your heart is literally on the brink of exploding out of your chest. Yet, you remain calm. And things proceed smoothly. But then the dreaded, yes dreaded, car sex scene comes rolling on screen and you want to die. It’s not even a particularly sexy scene but still, it’s enough to fill the room with tension. But maybe you are imagining it.

“This is so awkward.” Taehyung quietly cries, “I hate this.”

Are you imagining the sweat that’s pooling in Taehyung’s hand, or maybe it’s your own palm that’s suddenly drenched. You can admit, it’s…been a while since, you know. Rose and Jack begin to kiss passionately and you groan, you want this to end. Taehyung stares at the screen, licking his dry lips as he watches the movie.

“Tell me when it’s over.” You bury your face in Taehyung’s shoulder and he laughs.

“What are you 5? Can’t handle a little movie sex?” he chuckles, “Are you not a fan of car sex or what?” he asks and you lift your head up in shock. He did not just ask that.

“What?” he feigns innocence, “You’re the one always trying to get to know each other.” He points out with a sly grin.

“I don’t ask you about your sex life! Just stuff like what you like to do for fun!”

“What if that answer is ‘sex’?” he smirks down at you and you feel yourself grow warm.

“Oh my god, Taehyung.” You hit his leg, “Three months with you and you’re finally starting to show your true colors. Typical man.” You scoff and Taehyung bursts out into his deep laughter.

“Typical man? You mean typical human being? Women like sex just as much. I mean, take Rose here for example. She really seems to be enjoying herself.”

“When will this movie end?” you whine, “I’m tired of holding your sweaty hand.”

Taehyung blushes, feeling a little embarrassed by your statement.

“I thought it was your hand that’s sweaty…” he admits, “Sorry, if it’s me.”

“This position isn’t very comfortable.” You say, struggling to find a nice spot. “Maybe we can try something else?”

“Like what? There’s not much we can do sitting down.”

“Maybe we can lay?” you suggest shyly. “But how do we lay comfortably while holding hands.” you realize. “Ugh.”

“Here.” Taehyung detangles your fingers and moves your leg off of him, “Lay on my lap, like lay your head down. And then this arm can hang over your waist while this hand holds your hand.”

You listen to what he says, following his instructions. You lift your legs up on the couch and lay you head down in his lap…careful of where you lay it. You get comfortable and nod your head, waiting for him to interlock his fingers with yours once again.

“Umm, my other hand will be at your waist, is that okay?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

Taehyung hesitantly drapes his arm over your waist, his fingers brushing against your skin where your shirt his ridden up. You tense when you feel his fingers accidently touch your bare skin.

“Sorry.” Taehyung gulps. You use your other arm to bring the shirt back down, his eyes following your movements.

“I wish this wasn’t so awkward.” You admit.

You hear Taehyung release a long breath.

“Awkward because it’s with me or because we’re being watched?” he asks quietly.

“Can I say both?” you breathe out.

“Yeah…” Taehyung gives your hand a light squeeze.

Finally, the movie starts coming to an end. You sigh out in relief, you can finally move on with your lame life. The screen goes white again and after a moment the word ‘PASS’ is shown across. You both relax at the sight.

You continue to sit here, his hand loosening in your grip. You get the hint and let go of his hand altogether, trying not to get all awkward. But fuck, you are awkward as hell. Jesus Christ, help you. Taehyung just stares down at you and then suddenly breaks into a grin,

“We did it!” He reaches for your hand, holds it up and high fives himself with it. You look up into his crescent eyes and shyly smile at him.

“Yeah…” You breathe out, you both stand up.

“Don’t act like you didn’t love being snuggled up with me.” He winks and you scoff.

“You wish.”

“Maybe a little.” He admits, he reaches down and grabs a hold of your hand again. “You can hold my hand whenever you want.” He says and you go red.

“Chill.” You awkwardly chuckle.

Taehyung laughs too, but he doesn’t let go of you.

“Can I hug you y/n?” he suddenly blurts out. “You know, for the sake of human contact?” he saves.

“W-What? Why?”

“I just told you why.” He says with his lips in a firm line. “Please.”

“Fine, get it over with.”

Taehyung grins down at you with an evil glint in his eye as his hands travel to your back. He pulls you in to his chest, your body awkwardly stumbling forward.

“Relax.” Taehyung whispers.

His arms wrap around your waist and you finally return the hug. He somehow pulls you in even closer, your boobs smooshing up against his chest. He groans when he feels your soft breasts against his hard chest and you wish you didn’t hear it.

“I said relax.” He commands in his deep voice.

You release a shaky breath and try to relax in his arms but you’re still tense.

“I’m trying.” You whisper and he chuckles.

He pulls back from you, just until his face is only inches from yours and he gazes into your eyes, his stare dark and intense that you visibly shudder and he chuckles.

“I can think of a few ways to relax you.” He licks his lips with a smirk.

“H-How?” you ask breathlessly.

“Mm,” he looks up and then his eyes are meeting your again. “What comes to mind first?” his whisper hits your parted lips. “Anything you need from me?”

You feel you heart start racing, his words going straight to places you would rather not say.

“I know what you need, baby.” He groans out. He leans in closer until you can feel his breath hit your skin, “A fucking….......drink.” He grins, leaning away from you.

You choke on your spit, you begin awkwardly coughing and he laughs at you. He lets go of your body and starts walking towards the kitchen.

Holy hell, you think. Can you survive Taehyung’s flirting? Your ass thought he was saying you needed a fucking! He is the ultimate tease, you’re gathering that much.

“Yeah,” you clear your throat. “I could use a fucking drink.”

#bts #bts smut #bts fluff #bts angst #bts fanfic #kim taehyung #taehyung x reader #taehyung smut #taehyung fluff #taehyung angst #the island chapter 3

281 notes · View notes