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thefiery-phoenix · 8 months

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YANDERE ERASERMIC X READER

It's been over a month since Hizashi and Shouta kidnapped you and you were going crazy out of boredom and with nothing to do. They assured you that living with them wouldn't be THAT bad since they could take care of your every need and you would never have to work again.

To top it all, you were also quirkless but having a smart brain didn't exactly help either since hizashi and Shouta made sure to destroy all possible means of escape for you. They rarely ever punished you and most of the times, punishments included leaving you isolated for a few days and having your favorite things take away from you (YES, even the CAT!) but to be honest, life with them wasn't ALL bad... they were nice and caring towards you, in a sickly manner of course that sometimes made you want to barf

You were sitting on the bed that you shared with your captors and you were watching a movie on Netflix on your laptop. You were bored out of your skull and weren't focused on the movie. You missed your old life dearly and you've always wanted to be an author and get your work published. Suddenly, an idea popped into your head and you immediately started typing away on your laptop

After a few days, you finally decided to post your work online on Wattpad since you had a Wattpad account and you were an author there (Lol, I feel like I'm breaking the 4th wall). It had asked you to log in but failed even after you entered your password repeatedly. You decided to check your email to see if there was something wrong and when you entered your email id, you couldn't log into THAT too

''Hizashi, why am I not able to access my email?'' you screeched from the couch that you were sitting on while Aizawa and Mic were making breakfast for you. They came out of the kitchen sat next to you, cuddled you and Aizawa said, ''Now now kitty cat, don't tell me you don't know WHY we disabled your email now do you?''

''You. did. what?!'' you asked in a steely calm manner since you knew it would be pointless to waste your voice against them. ''Aww.. come on little songbird, don't be like that. We did it for a very good reason and it's for your safety. Who knows WHAT sort of emails you'll be getting from WHAT sort of people. They could try stealing you away and you would be in GRAVE danger without us and that's why you need ONLY us'' Hizashi chirped like he was explaining why he couldn't play with you

''But.... I just need it for something. I swear I won't try contacting anyone! You guys can even be next to me if you want'' you pleaded with them as they traded curious and worried looks. ''Kitten, do you have a fever?'' Aizawa asked placing his hand on top of your forehead. ''Leave me alone, I'm fine'' you said grumpily

''What do you even need an email for anyway?'' asked Hizashi all curious like. ''Well, I've written a story and I want to publish it online so people can read it'' you said. Silence. That was NOT a good sign

After a few seconds, you heard Hizashi laugh and say, ''Oh you mean that action story which you wrote? It was quite good and amazing. Shouta and me liked it but tone down the violence all right baby? We don't want our precious little darling getting all violent thoughts now do we'' and started cooing

''Wait.... how did you guys even read it?'' you asked them confused as Aizawa said, ''From your laptop of course. You can't hide anything from us you know kitty cat'' and pet your head

''So.... is it a yes?'' you asked them slowly. ''NO'' they both said in unison as you looked at them with sadness in your eyes and asked ''WHY NOT!?'' They hated seeing you sad. It broke and shattered their hearts into a million pieces, but they had to be firm with you

''We won't stop you from writing your stories and books. In fact, we'll encourage it but why do you want to share with the other underserving SCUMBAGS and filth who don't deserve to read your beautiful work?'' asked Aizawa. ''That's true and besides the internet is getting to be dangerous place nowadays so I think we'll have to limit your time of use on your laptop. We don't want to affect your health and it's all for your safety of course'' chirped Yamada enthusiastically as you leaned back in Aizawa's touch, silently crying as Hizashi wiped your tears away

You were 100 percent sure that now they would CERTAINLY change the laptop password or make you use the laptop under their supervision for a limited time or not even LET you use it... but what could you do? You were helpless and powerless against these so-called pro heroes who wanted to save you from all the ''dangers'' in the society and you couldn't do anything but follow their rules and abide their conditions

''Now come on and have some breakfast'' chirped Yamada and dragged you towards the kitchen as you saw Aizawa eyeing the laptop suspiciously. You knew you weren't going to use it any time soon, that was for SURE......

#yandere bnha x reader #yandere bnha #yandere erasermic #yandere erasermic headcanons #yandere erasermic scenarios #yandere erasermic oneshots #yandere erasermic imagines #yandere erasermic x reader #poly yanderes #poly yanderes x reader #yandere hizashi yamada x reader xx yandere aizawa

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bunni-v1 · 7 months

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I have a ton of crazy twst aus that I'm never ever gonna capitalize on, so I'm just gonna throw out the one that's invaded my daydreams the most recently.

So it's like zombie apocalypse au, but instead of zombies, it's blot. So they don't really have "phantoms" but the blot acts like a brain-eating parasite. Like the one you see in slugs that slowly eat away at them until they take over their bodies. So blot turns them into lifeless creatures, but they have magical abilities that make them more of a threat. The way it spreads is by eating at magic, so using magic against it is pretty much useless and can get the user infected too.

Think... like the flowers in the recent masquerade event, except instead of destroying magic and rendering the sorcerer useless it uses them to get stronger and spread faster.

So it starts with Riddle and inevitably spreads around until there's only a handful of people left who are desperately looking for a cure.

I personally think the survivors would be those who are super resourceful rather than extremely magically talented. Like Ruggie, Epel, Rook, Azul, and Jade (maybe). There would be a few exceptions like Kalim and Idia, and I think that Lilia and Silver have a decent chance of surviving. I wouldn't really say Malleus could since he's pretty reliant on the fact that he's magically strong. Ofc MC survives because they don't have magical capabilities, but they'd probably lose grim which is pretty devastating tbh.

Ruggie and Epel are both able to use their environment to their advantage really well, they know how to make meals out of very little and can survive in harsher environments easily. They're obvious contenders I feel, so they'd both be likely to survive in a more apocalyptic setting.

Rook I also feel is obvious. He's a hunter, and while he does use a lot of magic, he likely can survive without using it. He's good with a bow and arrow, incredibly strong, and way smarter than he lets on. The only way he might die is by sacrificing himself for Vil or someone else, but I don't think Vil would let him do that anyway lol.

Azul and Jade I'm on the fence about. Azul is really resourceful, but he's not exactly athletic or anything. He'd be a vital member of the group for understanding how to bargain and he has loads of knowledge, but other than that he's not too useful in any way. He's just good at conning people into keeping him alive. Jade I feel has a higher chance of surviving than Floyd, but he'd likely only survive if he was able to get away from Azul and Floyd at the start of the spread. He's great to have because he is athletic and can also survive in harsh environments, but he's also Jade so he doesn't deserve to live.

Kalim and Idia are a case of surviving out of sacrifice. I'm sure you could figure that out, but Jamil absolutely would sacrifice himself for Kalim. I'm sorry if you disagree, but it is ingrained in Jamil to protect Kalim and he is fully ready to die for him if he has to. Ortho would sacrifice for Idia, and Idia would only live on because Ortho told him to. Kalim wouldn't be all that resourceful, but he'd be good for group morale and keeping everything happy and healthy. Idia would be amazing if you could get him to any building with any electronics. He can find a way to get the power up and running, and once he has power he has the ability to have eyes everywhere if he so pleases. Really good for looking out for danger too.

Lilia and Silver are probably on a case-by-case basis and depend on how I would write everything. Lilia is a war general so he's been in some pretty tough places. He absolutely could survive an apocalypse, but the death of Sebek and Malleus might just be too much for him to stand. He only recently learned to love because of them, how could he go on without them. Silver would keep living out of sheer willpower. He could lose everything around him, be absolutely devastated, and keep a strong face for his lost family and friends.

There are a couple others that could be swapped in or out, and I'm sure everyone else has their own opinions, but that's kinda my take on the whole au lol.

Thank you for babbling, I'm going back into the void <3

#bunni babbles 🍓#twst #twisted wonderland #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #x reader #bunni's treats 🧁#idia shroud #lilia vanrouge #silver twst #kalim al asim #azul ashengrotto #jade leech #rook hunt #ruggie bucchi #epel felmier

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toruro · 11 months

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Talk about your moots; what do you like most about them (could be a paragraph or a single sentence, spread the love!!)

omg yes i love love … only doing this for the last few i interacted w though .. irly wish i could do more but i got so tired while writing these and it has been a long day :[

@rubyreduji guys do i even have 2 tell u how much i love jj?! U ALL KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM like i don't even know how it happened one day i'm interacting w him 4 the first time 2 bug him abt a jihoon fic i had planned and then BOOM we r evil twinning in the dms and then BOOM AGAIN he's listening to the 70+ vms i send him every day i love him so much >_< WE JUST GET ALONG RLY WELL and it's so much fun ... also jj just writes so much and he write so well ?! his ideas are rly unique too and whenever he mentions another story i'm like :o wow bc he is so WOW and i love his brain and i love how he is true to his woozidan identity (woozi having a separate masterlist altogether LOL) ... jj is just the love of my life if u guys couldn't tell i'm actually insanely territorial over him so actually he doesn't exist 2 u guys UR NOT ALLOWED TO PERCEIVE HIM IF UR NOT ME

@gyuswhore i love em sm okay first of all what drew me 2 her was her phenomenal writing?! guys i revisit her gyu fic more often than she knows HELPDKJ but ya and the stuff sh has in store 4 u all ... just u wait OKAY AND I JUST. I LOVE TALKING ABT WRITING WITH EM she genuinely helps me so much and i love the honest feeback she gives and she has encouraged me through 2 of my longest fics so far which means the absolute world to me >_< also i love her daily little updates and how she tells me all this stuff IT'S ENTERTAINING and also i love that we are able 2 have convos like that ... and she's also literally the prettiest ever. i kid u not mingyu would PICK HER. we also just understand each other's situations very well and feel the same way abt a lot of stuff which makes talking abt certain things easier ^^ ya i love em my desi sister P.S. SHE FEEDS MY DELUSIONAL MINGHAO REQUESTS (the way her only works for hao are reqs from me ... gfhdfksjd)

@cheolhub SAR SAR the sweetest ever like :[ sar was my first mutual when i started on tumblr and she scared me at first bc ... she was so a cool to me atthe time AND SHE STILL IS SO COOL. LIKE SAR IS SO COOL 2 ME but now i see that she is also so loving and caring and c: she will always hold a special place in my heart bc she was the first 2 dm me (I REMEMBER. BC WE INTERACTED ABT GETTING TIX TO TWICE AND WE TALKED ABT OUTFIT PLANNING ... funny bc the way we didn't figure out any outfits until literally june LOL) anyways ya also if u have read sar's works u probably know she is also insane and :c she is so amazing 4 helping me out too uifgjks i love sar sm

@etherealyoungk skye is so sweet :c also one of my first mutuals and i appreciate her so much 4 always checking in w me and just interacting w me consistently hehe ... she reminds me my hoshi pc as well whenever i look at it i'm like oh ^^ this is skye right here :3

@hwanghyunjinenthusiast only rly started interacting w rj recently but she's so funny like her reactions pics and feedback under fics genuinely has made me giggle and i love that ... and rj is just! rly fun 2 talk 2 as well and i can't wait 2 get to know her better hehe

@leejihoonownsmyheart the sweetest ever and omg her writing is so good ... brie don't downplay urself EVER bc it's so good and ^^ ur such a fun and positive person i will love u even if u don't like me bc i'm a capricorn hehjefjk

@lovelyhan guys stop i never shut up abt kai's writing but they are just so good at everything they do like! insane i'm insane and kai is just so cool to me kjfdskj ALSO. LOVE KAI SO MUCH BC THEY ALWAYS SEND ME TWTS ABT HAO AND it kind of drives me crazy but also it feeds me breakfast lunch & dinner so am i really complaining? basically kai knows me 2 well and it drives me insane in the best way possible

@ressonancee only became mutuals rly recently but thea is so fun and kind and auuugh don't even get me started on how amazing of a writer she is bc her jihoon and gyu fics literally took me to heaven and back like! augh! they make me feel so much and i'm so exited 2 continue to get to know her and more ^^

@userelv elv is so fun like we don't interact a lot but whenever we do it just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and anyways i'm gonna be collecting insane dk pics and save them up so i can send them to u one day w out warning c:

@wheeboo so funny and so sweet and also i feel get along rly well! i love the way she writes and we have a lot of common interests and i love talking abt kdrams w her hehe LIKE?!?! ME AND RANIA JUST HAVE VERY CHILL AND NATURAL CONVOS which i absolutely love and she is a person who is very calming 2 me ^^

#u said to pick what i like most abt them #but i can't choose so i'm jsut rambling abt why i lvoe them #<moots3 #🎰 games

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choocokookie · 1 year

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Before I ask for anything, I just wanted to say I absolutely loved the way you wrote my first request!! I hope it wasn't to much😅

Anyway I was wondering if you could write a NSFW Micah x male reader fic. You know how at the end of the game Micah visits mc at their window, what if y/n is just sitting at their desk chatting with Micah completely unaware that he decided to visit y/n. So when he finally makes it to y/n's window he sends a message to look outside, so y/n turns around in their chair only to freak out seeing Micah there. Once Micah is inside y/n is just all over him, crying happy tears while clinging to him, getting so excited he just couldn't help but kiss Micah.

Sorry if it's a little vague, I've never requested a NSFW fic but seeing how you wrote my last request I just had to try and request this. If it's too much don't worry about writing it!! It's all about what you wanna write don't forget that☺️☺️

Hi, don't worry. You described what you wanted pretty well, and in general, I am just so happy that someone is requesting to me. My blog is pretty much new and small, so, I am very glad that you appeared again to request me something. You are always welcomed to keep sending more asks around here :)

You finally were in Micah’s arms after such long days talking with each other… you finally could touch him, kiss him! However, what you truly want is to share a more intimate moment with this man, who you want to belong completely to.

cw: male reader, explicit nsfw

minors dni

Micah was finally in your arms… finally, you could match your eyes with this man who you knew was the right one since the moment you two started talking together. Kisses were shared, as his hands runned all over your body, just like they were trying to explore every single inch they could from your body, desperate to not let you go… and you loved this. You just adored receiving such affection from the hacker, although, you knew plenty well it wasn’t enough… you wanted more, you wanted to have only Micah Yujin inside your dirty mind.

Only in the moment your bodies were fused in only one and the pleasure was the only thing inside your brain, you felt just like you arrived in heaven… The man with dark skin was clearly nervous, so he had an amazing care over the hip movements he did against yours. He loved you, he wanted above all to bring some sweet pleasure to you, to be the only one inside your beating heart.

You clinged over his body and allowed salty tears to run down your face, after all, you were just so happy to gift him with your own body, however, you wanted more and more of the contact he had to offer you. You kissed his neck while his dick thrusted at your insides non-stop, messing up with your mind in levels impossible to describe. The only thing you were able to allow out from your lips were moans and his own name… the only thing that was inside your mind was your beloved partner.

However, all this fun couldn’t keep going for much time. The way he stimulated your sweet spots made you completely crazy and you felt like you were closer to finally reaching your most desired orgasm - and well, Yujin as well. His thrusting rhythmic started to intensify, just like he were some kind of animal in heat who didn’t want to allow his partner to go. Oh dear, your tight body against his dick was making the poor man completely crazy…

Before he could finish his job, you stole a passionate kiss from him, delight yourself with the taste that his lips had to offer. Finally, the moment came… both came and were received with a delicious wave of spasms which ran all over your bodies. Finally breaking the contact, Micah smiled at you with his cheeky grin, clearly proud of how good he made you feel. Wrapping you around his well defined arms, he asked if you were ok… and once the answer was positive, his proud facial expression took place…

He was such a lucky guy… don’t you worry Angel, the man surely is going to take good care of you tonight after such an exhausting activity.

#error 143 #error 143 x reader #micah #micah x reader #micah yujin #micah yujin x reader #micah fanfic #micah yujin fanfic #error 143 fanfic

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thenexusofsouls · 4 months

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{i am the caretaker of souls} *sigh* I'm sorry guys, but I'm not gonna be able to be on tonight. I got some bad family news (I'll explain below the cut), and my dad and I have to have a very tough conversation with my grandmother that I know is not going to go well. I don't know how long that'll take, but I'm already not feeling creative as it is, so after we talk to her, I'm sure I'll be feeling even less so. I just need some time, unfortunately. I'm really sorry to disappoint everyone at the last minute, but I just got the news from my cousin like... an hour ago, so it was very unexpected. Thank you for understanding, and I'm sure I will be back here next week.

So... I have several aunts on both sides of my family, some of which have been really shitty to the family, and others have been great. My favorite aunt was diagnosed with brain and spine cancer about two months ago, and things have not been going well. It's very aggressive, it's moving very fast, and tonight my cousin told us that they're already at the point of setting up hospice for her because it's not going to be long. The doctors are saying days or a couple weeks. It went... so fast.

Aside from this being my favorite aunt, so I'm already upset about losing her soon, it's rough because my cousin is going through almost the exact same thing I did seven years ago with my mom. My mom was 63, hers is 60, so neither was very old. They both had cancer that went all over the place, especially brain and spine. And they both ended up in hospice at home. My mother lasted five weeks once that happened, so I guess we'll see how long my aunt lasts. But... I just feel so bad for my cousin because I know exactly what it's like to be in her position, and it absolutely sucks. It's one of the worst things to go through, watching someone you love just waste away. So it's hitting very close to home for me because it's bringing up so many feelings about my mom again.

This is my dad's sister, so he's very upset. He's one of six, and he's already lost two siblings. Two others are complete assholes that we very much limit contact with, and then there's my aunt, and we were closest to her out of all of them. So it's really rough for everybody all around.

In a little while, we have to sit down and tell my grandmother. My dad had been keeping her in the dark about everything (something I didn't agree with) because she gets very weird and crazy when she's told bad news and my dad wanted to avoid that. She starts saying really messed up things, cussing us out, she revenge-starves herself, revenge-doesn't-sleep, like she'll purposely refuse to do things so that we have to give her attention. She's very manipulative. Anyway, my cousin told him about two weeks ago that things were going well and to let grandma know the truth. He chose not to. Well now he has to hit her with it all at once and basically tell her that her daughter is going to die very soon, out of nowhere. She thinks things are going okay and she's just getting treated for a back issue. So this... is not going to go well.

He's asked that I be there to help him break the news, and I want to support him, so I'm gonna help him out with this. I really don't want to, but I know he doesn't either, so we'll just deal with her tantrums as they happen. But there's a very good chance that she'll refuse to go to bed at all tonight and we may need to be up with her, and I don't want to just leave my dad with all of that because he's really upset too.

So yeah, that's what's going on. There's just no way I'm writing fun things tonight, I'm just in completely the wrong mindset, you know? I want to be here, but it's just not going to happen tonight. I've just been sitting here crying on and off.

For those who follow me on multiple blogs, I expect to be on tomorrow night, but if for some reason I'm not, I'll let you all know over on those blogs. Tonight is just going to be bad because of how my grandmother is going to react and then get angry at us, likely, but by tomorrow things should go back to normal... at least until we get that next terrible update that something has happened to my aunt. *sigh*

I'm just so tired, you know? It's been so much lately with my job, my health, dealing with my toxic grandmother, and now my aunt not doing well. It's a lot of muchness all at once and I'm definitely feeling it. I really appreciate how understanding everyone has been lately. I know I've been so sporadic with my activity for various reasons in the past few months, so those of you who put up with me, I just wanna say... thank you and I love you all. <3

#{ i am the caretaker of souls } ᵒᵒᶜ #tw: cancer #tw: hospice

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novelconcepts · 1 year

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Apologies, I don’t use tumblr much so not sure if I’ve sent this to the correct place.

Feel free to completely ignore this, I don’t often try and dispense advice to strangers on the internet. But I’ve spent a lot of time struggling with the want and need to write while feeling completely unable to and recently uncovered a metaphor I find incredibly helpful. So, I thought I would share it in case it might also help you.

I explained it to my therapist last year that it often felt like I kept getting into the car to go somewhere and then just sitting there. Just sitting in the car, not moving. Even though I wanted to. Even though I knew that if I could just start going, it would feel so much better. I just couldn’t get myself to start the car.

And I kept saying that it was so frustrating because of that wanting to go and knowing that once I was going, I would feel good. And she said, that it was kind of like when you’re first learning to drive a manual transmission, and first gear is the hardest to get out of, but once you do, everything is so much easier.

That really hit me because I did learn on a manual and I do remember the absolute agony of stalling the car over and over and over again. Just how awful that feels when you’re first learning. It was very analogous to what sitting in front of a blank page feels like, wanting so badly to put words out and just not being able to.

I had the really simple thought then of, if I don’t turn the engine, the car will never start. I realized that I was waiting for the ability (that’s not really the word I want but can’t think of a better one at the moment) to write to come back to me and that was akin to sitting in a car after stalling, waiting for the engine to start.

And yeah, sometimes it takes a bunch of tries to get out of first gear. Sometimes, too many tries for that day and you have to get out of the car and try again another day because the frustration is too much. But I think the more you try, the easier it gets to get out of first and into second.

Anyway, I know it’s an extremely simple metaphor and hand waves a lot, but I find it helpful when I’m frustrated and despairing that I will ever find those elusive words again.

I really appreciate you sending this, thank you. Part of my stalling out is utterly mental (not like “crazy”, but literally mental--my brain is overloaded with the last year or so, and I don’t feel like I have the space to create under all that strain) and part of it has to do with my physical location being upended. I’m still not home most of the time, my computer and office aren’t set up, I’m always around people and noise and distraction. All of it isn’t conducive to actually writing. But yeah. That idea of being in the car and just...unable to start going? That’s exactly it. If I could just turn the damn key.

I...know, in some part of me, that I will be able to turn it again. To get the engine to rev, and to at least take some laps around the block. It’s just a matter of trying to be patient with myself, which is always the hardest part. But knowing it happens to other people too is always more helpful than it should be. So thank you. I hope this posts all right (Tumblr’s submission option has always confused me a lil’ bit), and thanks again for sending it through.

#ask #submission #kind words #sorry it took a few days to answer--i could not for my life figure out how to format it until i got to my laptop #but i really do appreciate it

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infinite-orangepeel · 1 year

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9 & 13 for the writer asks, please :)

bobbie, hi ! lovely to see you here, my friend <3 hope you're having a great start to your weekend :) thanks so much for submitting these ones !

and thanks to @lordoftherazzles for creating this tag game 💌

9. have you ever made yourself laugh with something you've written?

short answer: yes.

long answer: usually when i'm writing some intentionally awkward flirting between steddie, i won't be satisfied UNLESS it makes me personally smile or giggle (that's like my litmus test for if it gets included in the final draft).

also, whenever i get to write ensemble scenes with the whole gang (bonus points: if it's steddie 'parenting; the kids), i find myself laughing. i recently wrote these few lines for it's rotten work and they make me smile:

“Uh, no. That’s okay. Thanks, though,” Steve’s mom-brain is running at the speed of light as he tries to do the math on how to accommodate everyone, explain everything, and deal with the potential fallout–all while getting the kids to go to bed at a reasonable hour, “Why’d you guys come here, anyway?”

“To drink alcohol and kiss our boyfriends–at least that’s what Max said earlier,” she says in a distorted imitation of a regular teen–one who hasn’t lived through years of unethical lab experimentation, multiple apocalyptic events, and attained telekinesis.

“Do you and your boyfriend kiss with alcohol, Steve?” she wonders aloud and he stammers around trying to generate an acceptable, PG-13 answer.

“Well, you know. I don’t–I think that it’s best–”

“Oh, they’ve definitely kissed,” Dustin jogs over and Mike tags along on lanky legs.

“Definitely,” Mike confirms, like he might be able to apply the scientific method to prove it, “Just look at the hickeys on Steve’s neck! Either a vampire attacked him in the woods or he and Eddie have been having sex in Hopper’s cabin–which ew–”

“Oh gross!” Lucas exclaims from his perch across the room, “I bet there’s dude jizz all over the cabin. I’m probably sitting in some right now, aren’t I? Actually don’t answer that–”

“Okayyyy. Sounds like mama bear needs some help getting her ducklings back in line. That’s my cue, Red,” Eddie ties off the intricate braid he’s weaved into Max’s strawberry colored hair and leaves her giggling with an unintelligible comment he whispers into her ear.

13. multichapter fics or one shots?

ahh don't make me choose ! jk, jk.

as a reader, i have a slight preference for multichapter fics.

i'm def one of those people that gravitates towards works with over 100k words (or even 200k tbh) and some seriously fucked up tags (what can i say? i like the dark stuff. the more fucked up/toxic and crazy the better sometimes lol in fiction at least). like the fact that each installment of @azrielgreen's fics tends to be over 20k words is the best to me lol. I live for it ! also I just live for her writing in general, wow.

but tbh if it's steddie, i'll read anything under the sun. and bc i'm constantly writing and working on my own wips, one shots do bode well for me due to time constraints !

and as a writer, i have a HUGE preference for multichapter fics. bc if i'm obsessed with a pairing (and steddie is seriously my otp forever) i want to stay immersed in that universe for as long as possible. and bc I like to torture myself with writing slowburns and/or angst with a happy ending, i find that the multipchapter/giant word count format works best for plot and character development.

to me, it's rotten work and i wore his jacket are both heavily character driven. it's rotten work was born out of the idea that i wanted to explore steve's trauma in the whumpiest/brutal way possible. eventually, that transformed into addressing and exploring eddie's trauma, as well. and in order for a fic like that to work and to see any real healing take place, i think the story needs time to breathe and develop for it to be believable/feel realistic enough for the reader.

anyways !! sorry that was a way too long answer but I had too many thoughts in my brain on the topic. if you read that all, I seriously adore you <3

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chained-to-the-mirror · 1 year

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Here I am again, with my thinky thoughts about where I am now when it comes to body image and suchlike. Will put this under a cut so I won’t disturb anyone who doesn’t want to read about stuff like that.

It’s been a few months since I last wrote about this… I just read it to remember where I was then. I had just dodged the calorie counting bullet, and the weighing bullet. I think I was getting back to a good place with my eating. And I was doing really well for a good while. Then Christmas season happened, and so did my moving house crisis. It has thrown my eating a bit off tracks, which I guess is common enough. Lots of snacking, less substantial eating. And, as a result, feeling off and crappy in my body. Which is why I’m writing this now, I guess.

The fact is that I have been snacking on unhealthy stuff lately. Not nearly as much as I have done at my worst, in the past, but a lot more than since last summer. I’ve been able to stick to the fasting schedule really well, and with no trouble. But the quality of my food intake is not ideal. My downfall is sweets, mainly chocolate. And it’s crazy, because I KNOW I feel physically better when I eat well - but still I keep snacking if the opportunity presents itself.

All this has led me to believe I have gained some of the weight back. I feel very fat and uncomfortable. It’s not about clothes - they feel the same on me as they did before, not tighter. But the mirror seems to tell me that I look hideous and BIG. I know I am still big, and that will never change, because I’m just built like that. But the thing is, I didn’t feel as big before Christmas. I didn’t LOOK as big in the mirror.

I saw my hairdresser friend a week ago or so, and I hadn’t seen her since early December. She said I had lost more weight since then. And she’s not the type to just say that to be nice. But that didn’t help me feel more secure or less fat. I don’t know what would, to be honest - except getting back to a diet that feels right to me. I also saw the dietician a second time last week (I think) and she went over my two day food journal. But those were days when I ate well, because I was keeping a journal (obviously) - so it was not really a true test. But she said that for the most part it looked really good - all she wanted was for me to eat a bit more bread, and fish if possible. She was still wondering whether I eat enough, but it was better now than last time. I had incorporated some changes she suggested during our first meeting, and I’ve been able to stick to them. That’s something I’m proud of, because it meant adding food to my day, and definitely adding calories. In the past I would have had trouble with doing that.

Today I have not snacked much, mainly because I don’t have sweets in the house, but also because yesterday was really bad in the snacking sense. I hope I can start over now. Maybe I shouldn’t buy chocolate for a bit, since that obviously seems to be something I can’t have around currently. Anyway, it has felt really good to eat proper food, and decent amounts of it. What I see in the mirror remains the same, BIG. But at least I don’t feel as off as I did yesterday.

Something I did just now was take a pic of myself in the dress that gave me the most good vibes feeling ever when it comes to looks. The picture on the left was taken in late July, and the picture on the right is from right now. I will say that the dress feels quite a bit looser… but I think it felt looser before Christmas. I wish I had a pic of that too so I could see if that helped. I am none the wiser now.

All this makes it seem like I care a lot about the weight. I don’t. I care about how I feel… I want back the feeling I had in the autumn when I felt balanced. Looking at those pics now, I look much better in the left one. I hate my brain sometimes!

Anyway, this is some of what has been in my brain lately. I don’t know if this is of any use to anyone… maybe someone has some advice on how to be more objective about your image in the mirror - and how to eat sweets in moderation. A big one, that. Imagine if someone actually figured it out!

Will tag this with some ED tags - as always, just let me know if you want me to add a tag. Thank you for reading my ramble! ❤️

#tw eating disorder #tw eating issues #tw food #tw calories #tw weight #tw body image #personal

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setsugekka · 11 months

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(omg two of some of my fave writers interacting how cute 🤗)

(cw: me rambling as always)

i’ve noticed a pattern is starting to form of yeosang saying something vile to her only to apologize and make it up to her just to turn around and do it again, his track record isn’t starting to look so good

especially bc how can you apologize after you’ve (more than once) suggested the idea of compromising someone’s birth control? indirectly forcing a baby onto someone, basically breaking the trust that someone had in you? that’s crazy

i always want an instant resolution to complex feelings and don’t know what to do with myself when there isn’t one bc i’m also impatient and hate anticipation

(but anyways 🙃🔫)

i just don’t trust that yeosangs truly dropping it. i feel like he’s making it seem that way so that mc won’t be so suspecting while he’s probably doing some shit behind her back (like tampering with her birth control… which atp i would just carry it around so it’s not within his reach)

threatening to tamper with someone’s body like that and being able to do it so easily and to that persons face, that’s also a hard one to come back from so idk if he thinks that little apology will do anything bc i’d have trust issues at that point

he doesn’t seem to care or realize the fact that he’s threatening the right to her own body and how taxing pregnancy can be on a persons body it’s like “well why don’t YOU have the baby then if you want one so bad?!?!!?” 🔫

suppose things could’ve been more easily fixed if he didn’t have a track record of not being around much but when he does, he just became a dick nugget so idk how to feel about that goings on regarding him

(and the perfect timing of his apology because ofc he would apologize after she just hopped off of someone else 🤠)

and poor seonghwa he’s better than me bc asking someone to lie for you is a lot and the fact that he’s willing (sort of) and you can’t even at the very least tell him what he’s lying about?? esp when he’s not asking for much else?? ouch

then this mf hongjoong

"Suppose I'm my own worst enemy," Hongjoong says, a lazy shrug accompanying the words. "I'm not a psychologist, but a psychologist would probably say that I have self-destructive tendencies."

nothing can get done while he’s around, and he knows this. what a menace (keep going)

my brain is a bit all over the place to come up with theories as to what he’s going to do. or what mc or yeosang, etc is going to do so i’ll just be hiding under the covers taking a peek every once in a while (while i wait to see what yunho finds out)

great chapter as always 💐💐

omg me and @ncteez⁉️ SMILED. we're meeting with good feelings.

yeosang

i don't think much has changed here so i don't think i have to get into it too much, but everything you've said is so valid and correct and right!

it's not an uncommon kind of thing for men either so he is sort of a caricature of A Man From An AITA Post or something where he's like "my wife doesn't want to give me a child even though i'm never home and won't be any help in child care at all and it's likely i won't even be around for the pregnancy all that much but i have money and can pay for lots of things so how is that not good enough?" and it's like...DUDE. how do you even write out this whole thing and not see that you're the huge glaring fuckin problem LDFGJDFKK.

and i hate that i still have mixed feelings on what she did with hongjoong. idk if it’s bc of this morality thing i have (like “oh he apologized so things are complicated now”) bc things just can’t be fixed with a an apology and some tears but i’m also not cruel enough to think “yeah she shouldn’t feel bad for sleeping with hongjoong” i always want an instant resolution to complex feelings and don’t know what to do with myself when there isn’t one bc i’m also impatient and hate anticipation

to be fair, that's sort of precisely where i want you guys to be! 😈

i think the thing with the first paragraph you wrote, and reconciling those feelings, is sort of accepting the fact that two things can exist at the same time. it can be that things are complicated because yeosang is remorseful about his actions and also she should feel bad for betraying him in such a way. someone could also make a case for the fact that she shouldn't really feel all that bad about it and it still being complicated because of the first point. they're not mutually exclusive! that's what's fun about writing morally dubious stories such as these ones though :)))) makes you guys think :)))))

you know an instant resolution wouldn't make for a fun story, i don't have to tell you that, but i get the desire for wishing there was just a button to press that magically aligns everything the way it needs to be aligned in order to fix all of the problems. unfortunately, in this case, the problems are incredibly complex, so what would that button even look like outside of...yeosang un-saying that stuff and the mc un-fucking hongjoong? 🤨

yeah, good catch. i think one of the worst things she's doing is dragging seonghwa into it a bit unbeknownst to him just because she knows that he'll be there for her in her time of need. she's taking advantage of him and his kindness knowing he wouldn't appreciate the spot he has been put into were he to ever find out.

so, will he find out, then? 🫣

then this mf hongjoong

yes but he is very sexy and this is one of my favorite iterations of him that i've written JKFHGKHFDK. it's like...concept of obsessive, service top who fucks like a pornstar but on proverbial steroids. nice.

thank you as always luv you're the lovliest of all time and i'm glad you're having fun with it. i don't remember what happens in ch7 but i'm sure it's very insane and i'm excited to get back into the doc soon and find out (probably when you come asking for spoilers 🙄 hehe)

#☕️ ask #fic: atarashii

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ruminate88 · 5 days

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Letting yourself rest and take a break ❤️‍🩹

In this bizarre “healing journey” that I never planned for, thought existed or wanted it to be like this but I’ve sorta had to roll with it. Cognitive dissonance and ruminating have tried to hold me hostage within my mind. Keeping me ping-ponging between thoughts of my past and my ex, Andrew. Is he or isn’t he toxic? Was the whole relationship a lie or not? Did he like me at all or was it truly superficial and about my nudes???

There has been moments I feel crazy sad over him, moments where it’s painful and I almost wanna hide in a hole alone somewhere and then moments where I feel absolutely nothing!! Everywhere I read, it says forgiveness is a process and that so is this “healing journey”. That it all takes time and sometimes you have to take a break and direct your focus on other things… Something I’ve struggled to do because I feel this is all taking too long and I feel so guilty for not just magically getting over the past and letting it all go. Ugh

Remember the tortuous and the hair? The rabbit rushed to win the race, while the turtle was slow and steady…. Ultimately, the rabbit ran out of gas faster and the turtle crossed the finish line with flying colors!! Which one do I want to end up being? Yeah, I feel like life is so short and I don’t wanna waste another second questioning Andrew and dissecting him. Tired of feeling like I go in circles from: sad, angry, numb, etc…. I just want it all to end but what if I’m making more progress than I think?

These past couple months my energy level as plummeted and I beat myself up so bad. Stressing about how little work I’m getting done, how I’m letting things pile up and how I’m just wanting to be left alone. Dreading having places to go but yet when I actually get to these places and see family members, it actually perks me up but soon as I come back home, I wanna do nothing …. 😝❤️‍🩹 This past week I told myself “You have to rest if you went to get better.” And I mean it but I can’t put all this pressure on myself because my stomach can’t handle more stress 💀

In taking time to myself, I’ve felt selfish and guilty. I’ve ALWAYS put other’s needs before mine most of my life. I’ve always cared about everyone else but neglected me because it’s painful. I went from taking care of my grandma who had dementia, to raising my bro’s kids (also babysat for a lot of other families over the years) AND during that time I’m texting all these emotionally abusive men who spun their web of lies in text messages to me. Critical of me in every area of my life. Downplaying my mental health and treating me as if I’m just a beautiful shell with no soul or feelings. Talking dirty to me and abusing my nudes.

Then after that, I jump into marriage with a nice guy who wants to provide for me financially and so I’m stuck in the same old pattern. I bend over backwards to take care of my husband… cook for him, clean for him, make sure he’s happy but I’m still ignoring my own needs as putting myself down. My exes put me down so long that I have believed I’m not worth much. I see this all now.

Idk how hard it is going to be to “take a break” but I think it would be healthy if I could write about other things for a while and even be a little selfish. After all, I have to get a tooth pulled soon and I’m not gonna feel like doing much anyway but there’s gonna be so much going on the next few weekends, I’m already beating myself up like “you have to do A, B & C”…. Plus the consistent thoughts of Andrew that have never went away since the day I met him. I almost think my brain is just been trying to make sense of him but it’s exhausting. Either that, or my brain needs closure or there’s something deeper going on I’ve yet to figure out.

I’ve been able to open up a little bit to my mom-in-law and that’s been both helpful and terrifying. I don’t believe she judges me but I was worried she was gonna misunderstand me “ruminating” and think I don’t love her son… 🥴😩 I didn’t have the guts to tell her that I want to fully embrace and trust her son cuz I mean all these years and he seems genuine but the problem is me. Struggling to get over the past and letting go of guilt and self blame. Thinking I have this failed past. In actuality, my past is teaching me and making me stronger but it’s incredibly painful. Who knew it would all suck this much but what if one day I wake up and I’m a better person and have a deeper understanding of life and love? That would be so cool ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

However, nothing changes over night 🤡 One…….. DAY…… At a TIME 💀❤️‍🩹🔥 Don’t quit and keep going. I’m not the only one who has been through this. Some people have it worse than me I’m sure but not to downplay my experience but to toughen up yet 👍🏻 Resting and no longer putting my own needs off. I can’t keep showing up for people if I lose myself because I refused to heal or get better. ❤️‍🩹 😓 so freakin painful but beauty is pain!!!

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mellow-worlds · 1 month

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older

Things I don't really know how to get better. I don't think I'll ever be able to get over my will to completely give myself up for him yesterday he told me to do some things and I did them, yesterday he criticosed my behaviour and I apologized and he said I shouldn't have and then he apologized for criticising me but I mean he was right to do it. And I feel terrible becau eI asked hin ti go to my place instead of his because I'm on my period and hurting and uncomfortable and he agreed and I feel like a selfish idiot because now he has to ride around in the subway A LOT and it's alll because of me, and he complained a little about it and I said I'm sorry and I told him gain and again I'm sorry and he doesn't even know why I wanted t o go to my place. I feel terrible. At least I didn't eat today. Everthing feels terrible. Prolly just because I'm on my period. I feel terrible terrible terrible. I feel bad. Just physically uncomforta

ble. I feel terible because even when I try to apologize for me acting wrong I can't do it right and he won't take my apology. I'm so sorry I get so emotional and it's probably because of my period. Yesterday I felt like crying and got butterflies several times. Sometimes just by lookuing at him and thinking I'd do everything for him. Anyway. As I was saying, 'd never not let him kill me, I'd never not give myself up for him if only he asked me to, probably. I'll never not put him ifrsst. But that doesn#t mean that I have to hate myself. That doesn't mean that I need to be miserable. I want to do things and I want to do things and I want to d o things. I've beeen doing some things. I've been reading and drwing and studying French a lot It's nice. I want to write more. I don't think I'm ok with uni having started. I don't really like uni. I like learning and I like the toics when theyÄre interesting, butttt idk. I hate having to go here, it's a hustle. I hate having to read and write long complicated texts I don't understand because they're too complicated for my little, uncomplicated brain. I don't like the rain and I don't like that I don't know how to dress on accord of the weather. I don't like that it'll be torture to go here when it's hot I don't like that I selected so ayn courses and that I will be overwhelmed. But rn it's ok. I'mean not rn but in general. I'm not overwhelmed yet. Not yet. It's fine and I don#t haave to do this alone. L s there to support me. Another thing: I hate that L and I won't be able to spend as much time together. Maybe it's a good thing but even this morning just getting out of bed felt terrible because I wanted to keep cuddling with him because he is just the cutest. But overall I'm excited about the new semester. I'm excited about all of the things I do (French and art and reading and writing) and I'm excited about eseing myself develop and change.

I'm kind of obsessed with this girl I used to go to school with. She sometimes posts stuff on g and I relentlessly look at it when she does. She's anorexic and man she's gotten really really thin again. I'm a little scared for her. And I'm really jealous of her. She's really pretty and really thin and everybody knows she's troubled. She has posted about her (various methinks) stays at the mental hospital. She's been hospitalized. She's been hhospitalized. All I got to show for is my three little scars and the ones you can't even see. I'm not skinny. I'm not pretty. I still phantasize about killing myself a lot. In the book I'm reading a character did that becauase his lover didn't want to get married. He cried for days and then he was found dead with slit wrists. I can't even cry. I can't even cry. I can't wait for the day I break down in front of L crying. If I've cried this year it was only small little tears. And that one time in JHJanary. And no one ever noticed. And I feel a burning need to cry. It's crazy. My clothes are wet because of my stupid jacket from the 80's. I feel ohysically terrible. My head has started hurting. And I'm hungry. I want to lose a lot of weight. L says he likes my body but I don't. I don't. So I'm doing intermittent fasting an dI'll try to eat healthier. I'm a little scared. I havent eaten today. It's been 18 hrs almost. Nothing in comparison to what I could do. Idk when I'll eat. Maybe after this nect lecture. I'm mad I look so ugly today. I'll lose weight and that'll automatically make me look better. ANd I'll be fine. I'll be happy. There's no need for me to make such a big fohking thing out of this. I'm not eded- I'm not anorexic and I used to be and I'm ashamed I'm not anymore. I need to lose weight. I hate my freaking body I hate looking like this I hate my cellulite and fat and how unfit I am. I exercised a little yesterday, the tiniest bit. Because my back hurt. I should try to exercise every day, maybe. I still want to die. I want to be found dead one day. But maybe first I need to work on my legacy. I want to be mourned. Do I`Idc. I want to be remembered like remedios in cien an*os de soledad. And mostly just want to feel loved by L. I don't think he thinks about me as much as I do and I don't think he knows that he's practically my world. Adn I want to do art and experience art and watch movies and read and write.

I feel like I'm going to faint but it's not as bad anymore. I haven't eaten in almost 39 hours. I'm trying to push for 49. But most of all I'd just like to faint. I've never fainted before and yes it's scary but it would be something. It'd be something graspable, something real, not just a feeling. I want my suffering to be real. On that note, I should stop being self-condescending towards myself in front of L. I shouldn't make my suffering a show that I choose to share, if anything, people should get subtle signs because of my physical ill-being, but nothing more. Honestly, people shouldn't get any signs, but like... I want to be "heard". I know how toxic this is. I feel like I'm not ill enough and I feel like I can't get betteer until people notice how ill I am because I can't let people know retrospectively, and I've suffered for so long... I should try nto to. But I want to get worse and I want to spiral. I want to faint in front of my friends. Luckily and tragically, I made it so I won't see any of them today. I skipped two classes. Maybe I'll skip the third one as well, but I shouldn't. I feel like I really really shouldn't skip. So I won't skip the third one. It's so weird to describe how I feel. A little light headed, my bones ache, slight headache, very very heavy limbs, and I just generally feel unwell and sick. I've been tempted to eat something but like... I can't just do that. I want to faint. I want to faint in front of my friends. I want to faint in front of L. That would be the dream. I bet fainting feels nice.

I haven't eaten in 30 hours now and I probably won't be eating in another 5 hours. If I'm lucky I won't eat today at all but I don't know. Honestly I'm a little scared, because I will be going to Ls and I don't know if we'll eat something and idk if I'll be able to log the calories. GOSH I hope that if we eat I'll be able to log them. And it's so unfair, the food at uni doesn't provide a calo

ric value and I hate that. I WISH they'd provide that. Im really happy about the decision to lgo calories again, so my weightloss will be more efficient. I really had no idea milk has that many calories. But this des´cision, as you can see, also causes me a lot of stress but it's fine, it'll be worth it. It'll be worth it. My stomach hurts. It's growly. It feels good? But my head hurts and I feel a little unwell. It's nice talking to my friends thouhg, we currently are sittig in the uni cafe. I like D and K a lot and Y is here as well. GOSH I hope I won't have to eat today. Aaand they all left. I have 50 minutes to kill now. F and the other guy from the cafe are here. I don't even know what I can write anymore. And I'm bored to death. This is something i've realized in my past ana runs, it is terrible, the boredom you feel, the inability to focus on things, it gets so overwhelming, your thoughts of food, it's all you think about and then you can't help but eat. BUT I feel good now. Rn I'm a little bored, sure, but like I feel good. I do tihnk about food a lot, but more in fear and less in desire. Well I really would like to eat, but uhm idk, it's different. It's not hard for me not to eat for such long times. Before, I struggled with my life to get to 48 hours, and it was super hard to get to 24 hours, and at times even 18. I feel fairly good. I'm able to have a really good time with my friends and I enjoy that a lot. this morning I took body check pictures and I really really resent that I deleted my old body check pictures. And honestly I look awful but I THINK i look a little less awful than wen I took those other pictures but I can't know. It's frustrating. And I really, really, hate the way my body looks. I REALLY REALLY hate it. I can't believe L would even consider saying he likes my body because Im´'m so ugly. He's got a nice body, I think, not terribly skinny or lean, but I really like his body, it's comforting. And I wonder if it is because the first time I saw his upper body I was so glad he's not as skinny as I tohuhgt, because it made me feel the slightest bit better. So yeah I really hate my body and I don't think L is lying to me, but I also think that he's telling me he likes my body so much so that I#ll feel a little better. plus it's a really nice feeling being desired. So yeah, if I lose some weight maybe hell like my body more, and I definitely will. Its o frustrating, I have lost some kgs already but Iit's just waterweight. In a way, I'm really scared of eating more regularly. I tihnk it's easier not to eat when I do it over long periods of time, like it's out of the question alrea

dy, but it's harder to do when I can eat a little. Stopping to eat is always the hardest part, I think. I just need to get more scared of food. That's why i think thatt couting calories is such a good thing. It'll make me super aware of what I#m putting into my body. that's a good thing in so many ways. Anyway. AAAH. Body checks. I hate the fact that I look this way but I'm also optimistic that I'll be able to change. I'm optimistic that I'll son look very different. Soon enough. THis months choices are next months body soooo... I'm doing well ig. It's scary trhough. I don't want to fail. But I'm making an effort to eat healthier, low calorie things like fruits and veggies and stuff. I'm happy about that. It's a little concerning that I have bruises on my legs. Apparently, they come from lack of vitamin c and k, but like... I've had them for over a week now I think. It's concerining. I've had them since before I started fasting for so long. I should take care of that, becaue I really don't want any health issues. I should make sure I have supplements etc. It's really scary. Also, osteoporosis... My risk of getting that was real even when I was eating relatively well. I'm terrified of the medical concerns of anorexia. But like I#m terrified of my body and I just don't want to stay that well. I HATE MY BODY. Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I should find a way to find peace with it, though I still would want to change it. I dont need to be so extreme. I don't need to be so extreme. I can chilkll. It's ok. I don't need to hate my body. LAtely 've been wearing some clothes that make mee feel more confident. I still think I look fat, but I feel pretty ok about it, mst of the time. I'm really scared about L finding out. I think he's catching up to the fact that I don't like my body and that I sometimes don't eat because of it. He's asked me what I've eaten certain days maybe twice by now, and I've had to lie because the truth was that I didn't eat anything. He just believed me, though. In a way, I feel nice when he says that I don't consume enough calories and that's why I feel so cold. I feel nice and I feel noticed. But i don#t want him to find out more, and like if i want to lose a lot of weigt he will eventually notice, no? If I eat little enough hell have to, right? If I manage not to fail and not be a fatass again. But i feel pretty optimistic. I feel good about this time. Who knwos, though. I'll try my best thoug. Now that i believe in free will, I CAN'T fail, I just can't. How could it be that all of these other girls are so skinny and so deprived of nourishment, and I'm so fat and I'm already scared of failing. So tonight ill go to a concert and I'm happy about the opportunity to burn some extra calories and not really be able to eat for a little while. But I'm really low energy, I'm really tired and It's cold so I don't feel like moving. And I am a little scared about feeling weak and passing out, but like, I don'

t think I will because... Yeah I haven't eaten that little last time and I haven't not eaten in all that long. It's unrealistic that I'll faint. Even if I do it's what I wanted, no? It'd be weird in front of my school friensd but ultimately, good. It'd be good. And it'd be awful if I fainted in front of L, honestly, because hten he'd really know something i swrong with me and food and he'd try to stop me and I really really can't eat normally or even more again becauseeeeeeee iiiimmmm sooooooo fattttttttt. Normal people probably would call me chubby at best but like.... IDK I feel AWFUL about my body and no, I am fat. I feel a little lightheaded. Anyway. I'm glad I'm doing things today. I'm glad I'll be going to Ls later because it wouldn't be abig deal if I ate today, and because I just really love spending time with him. And idk. I could stand the warmth of his body. And yeah. I love him :). And I'm just happy I don't have to be alone at home where I'm almost always miserable. I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I love spending time with friends. It#s a nice feeling when my stomach growls. its nice. i am kinda hungry but it doesnt hurt.. only my head hurts a little. and my being basically alone here, but its fine, ill leve in 10 minutes. wow, how time flies when one is having fun obsessing over ones ed. i am eded, theres no denying that. i may not be anorexic but its fine. i wonder what caused my relapse. is it really hatred for my body? i mean yes, ive always hated my body... i wanted to say that i didn't want to get back to ana like maybe a month ago, but that's not true is it. ive been loggin my fasting time for a couple of months and ive always hated my body. it really is mmy body, huh. but what about now is different? what casuses me to be so optimistic and what makes it so easy for me to fast for so long? maybe i overall feel better, but usually, one relapses into these kinds of things whne feeling bad, right? Anyway. Ig i am hungry rn. butttt its fine. its not overwhelming. I don#t want to hate myself, but i want to be impossibly skinny. I hsoudl work on what I see as a failure. it's not a failure if I don't fast for at least 24 hours or if I eat today or if I eat when in Ls company, or when I don#t lose a kg per day or even gain a little because i won't be able to keep this pace up. It is maybe a failure if I eat unhealthy things and am over my calorie limit. so im good. i have no reason to currently feel bad. im doing good. my stomach is hurting a little, but its fine. it is satisfactory somehow, to have these subtle, not really hurtful signs of whatever im doing actually having an effect on me, actually doing something. what currently frustrates me is that i can#t really eat whatever anymore. I'm so terrified of not being able to log my calories and i just started yesterday hahahhahaha. but yeah. its frustrating not being able to eat things from uni etc that i don't know the caloric value of. Anyway, gotta go, bye.

yesterday was really, really nice. Except that he forced me to eat but whatever. well we were in the kitchen and he already choked me and it felt so good. he kept choking me. he kept talking to me and commanding me to do things. I wouldve done anything. it was so nice. he told me to eat and i tried eating as little as possible but yk its fine, its whatever. he was so aggressive and commanding with me and i love it when he is. i can't describe it. it felt a little different from previous times, though. I was really submmissive hahaha etc ykyk but i was able to snatch out of it fairly quickly and shit and i didn't really feel as bad. I did get a lot of butterflies though. We were in the cinema before and watched civil war and i cried a lot. I felt to many emotions. we were cuddling in the cinema and the things going on onscreen were wild and there was too many emotions. so i cired. he didn't notice. after the movie we cuddled some more and he got pretty happy, saying how lucky he was and how much he loved me. and i didn't say much because id just been cring and on the ride home i didn't say much either and i#d like to believe thats why he was able to be so violent towards me. he wasnt really violent. i wish hed been more violent. in uni we talked a little about sex and stuff so maybe thats part of the reason as well. i think hed like it if i was more dominant but i dont really see how i could be. makes me feel bad. i just want to be his pet and his housewife and i just want him to be happy. i want to please him with everything i do and i want to do everything for him. i want to be his completely, and i don#t want him to be mine. i want him to toss me on the ground and choke me and step on me and make me pass out, i want him to keep food from me and then force feed me right before i die of staration, just to keep me alive so i can be starved furter. yay ed fantasies mixed in with sexual ones. yay. yesterday it did feel kinda nice how he forcefed me but like i really didn't need to eat then. id been fasting for barely 27 hours and i couldve gone so muhc longer. but ig this way i can track his c*m. gosh I do really like it when we don't have sex and he just uses me. it feels so nice and i have to worry about notihng but his cock. well actually, if he was really violent towards me during sex it would probably be the best thing ever. he choked me once during sex, i wish he did it always. he slapped me a lot yesterday and it felt awful which means it felt awfully good. i keep remembering times when he was awful to me and they give me butterflies. its all i want its all i want. i want him to hit me more and tell me that i dont deserve him, but next time he should mean it, he should throw me on the ground and tell me im trash.it feels different from usually, though. do i still think ikm worthless? kinda, i think. bu tit doesn#t inhabit my entire mind, its not all i can think about. i can kinda snap in and out of it, rihgt? either way. my theor stands. I should be able to do everything for him and still not make mself dependable from him. I still need to be my own person and not define myself throught the things I do for him, but take them as an addition to my inner world, as just something I chose, something I want to to because I have wants and needs and opinions. so ig i'm heading in a right direction. I enjoy it when he abuses me and part of the reason why is that i enjoy making him happy.

Things have been going so well. I’m actually really happy. I ate a lot a lot this weekend but like… Idc. I’m really happy, probably also partially because of increased food intake. But I’ve started a little writing project and I’m super excited about it. And things with L have been going super well as well. I feel like I am getting better, I really think I am. I am excited about the future again and I’m excited about food and my friends and L and writing and music and drawing. I’m really happy!

Except rn I’m really hungry but I’ll go grab sth to eat after this lecture, I havent eaten in about 17 hours, a little more.

Ok my hunger is really making me feel impatient and bored. But it’s fine! I guess this is what being hangry feels like. I’m still concerned with calories. I’m a little scared because idk if I’ll be able to count calories properly again today, since i’ve had to guess yesterday a lot. but it’s fine. I’m happy about eating healthy food with L whihc is something we set out to do. AND I’m really happy I haven’t eaten any sugar in the past week. Well, sugar yes, but not like refined sugar.

Gosh I’m so impatient. I got 17 more minutes to go. I’m so excited about the food I’m about to eat! And I’m so excited about my writing project, because it’s not just about writing. And because it’s just so much fun! It takes a lot pressure away from me, it’s a really relaxed project.

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1d1195 · 3 months

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Hi Sam!! How are you doing my love?!? I’ve missed you😭 this week has been slightly better, still very busy and lowkey feeling a bit burnt out :( but I think I may be getting out of my depressive episode so that’s good at least HAHA

Anywaysssss I read the time extra and omg it was so heartbreaking but in such a beautiful way! I feel SO much for this Harry like SO much! Like my heart hurts for him but I really appreciate their story! I just wanted to go shout out at him how loved he is by everyone especially the MC! And ugh my heart hurt so much that he thought she would not want to marry him at all😭 and the proposal in their little kitchen was just so adorable?!?!!! It’s so very them and I loved it!! So well done Sam, you never fail to amaze me❤️ and I don’t ever feel bad for not posting anything, you are consistently doing WAY more than enough for us honestly that you deserve to go at a pace where you’ll still be able to enjoy what you do! We will all still be here now matter what!

ILY bestie hope that you are well and are having such lovely days!!!-💜

Oh I'm so glad to hear you're feeling a little better! Even if a bit burnt out. I relate to the burnt out feeling immensely. I hope you find some time to yourself and time to rest. Do you have spring break soon? Any fun plans? Whenever people ask me what I'm doing over break I always say nothing which is EXACTLY what I want to do over break. I don't want to do anything or have any obligations. Also I cannot afford trips and such so it's not really much of a choice. Anyways, I've missed you and I'm glad you're on the mend 💕 just reading what your message you sound better than the last couple times you chatted with me. I hope that's encouraging, too!

I was very grateful to get the idea from one of my sweet anons about this piece, but I was very stressed about it hahahahaha I had essentially 'written' the little series while I was commuting to work over the course of like two or three years as crazy as that sounds. Then when I started writing again I finally got it into actual typed font. But I was in a pretty bad place when I was thinking about it. So it was really nice to write something fluffy and light for this little couple but it was a little hard to get back into the mindset of Harry feeling a bit lost (which I guess is a positive sign for my mental health). I think it was really cute to see their private proposal. I imagine they did the whole dinner thing with their friends and families but I think Harry was a lot calmer knowing the answer ahead of time (even if he's ridiculous for thinking she'd say no).

Thank you so much for your endless kindness towards me and my posting schedule. I'm genuinely considering calling in sick one day this week because I'm simply struggling. I've been feeling very overwhelmed and stretched thin. I don't know if this is a normal amount of things that every other adult has to do or if I'm just being a whiny brat. I never feel like I have time to myself and I feel behind in every aspect of my life. I'm behind at work, I'm behind in my personal health, I'm behind with my chores, need to see my family, and should probs spend some more quality time with my bf. But it's a lot and idk how people do all this all the time. But calling in sick as a teacher just usually means more work for myself in the end so it's probs not worth it and I'll get caught up eventually.

ANYWAYS. Honestly, I'm doing fine. It could be worse, lol I hope you're having a good weekend and really it was the best to see your message and hear you're doing better! I was hoping you would message me soon--I think our brains lined up because I thought about it most of yesterday and then saw your message right before i went to bed 💕💕

LOVE YOU!

xoxo

#💜

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veritable-trash · 1 year

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Find The Word Tag Game

eight millennia later i am finally able to answer @iguana-braces call and take part in this super fun game that also made me realize that i have minimal wips and somehow use zero of these words rip to me but I TRIED!!!! and it was fun and actually just made me want to write more so here's to finding motivation in the strangest of places!!!

the words: glare, try, fresh, time, and glasses

alright so i have nothing for glare so instead i'm gonna do two different things for try as compensation for the fact that i clearly don't use many words in my writing(riperoni):

my baby. the thing i hate the most but also adore beyond reason. my soldier boy original fem character fuck feast slow burn that i have been taking ages to do anything with..... per usual. but this is from the next chapter! so it's happening!!

It took an hour for Soldier Boy to get her to move on from fruitlessly trying to explain the plot of the original Karate Kid(which honestly he actually found extremely interesting and pertinent to their situation but would rather jump off a building than admit that to her), before she then proceeded to try and explain the cultural impact of the collaboration of Jaden Smith and Justin Bieber in Never Say Never, the theme song for the remake of Karate Kid.

That took another 30 minutes and he swears she must have this speech memorized or something because she had at least 10 separate main points and they were all very concise and made scary good sense.

ah yes me trying to write the second part of my finnegan fic and failing miserably because i have writers block up my ass but it's sorta happening! i swear!!!!!

Would he wait for you? Would he try and confront you? Would he avoid you? Would he pretend that nothing happened? Would he, would he, would he?

And then the bell rang and it all felt too soon, too quick.

i don't know how i don't have anything for fresh but i don't :( on to the next!

ok so this is another chaos fic because i will probably never finish this one but this is a The Deep wip because The Boys took over my life and i loved the idea of the deep being an absolute needy little baby ugh HOT maybe i will finish this someday who knowssssss

Because he wanted you. Pretended like he didn't, scoffed at the notion, but he couldn't keep his eyes off you. Just peaks here and there, eyes swirling with something like longing and neediness engraved in the blue.

And you just had to bide your time. Walk around in those leather pants you had to wear anyways and watch primetime as his eyes glazed.

He was such a needy boy, it made you want to eat him alive.

sadly i have nothing for glasses so rip to that but! instead i offer my idea of a benny miller greek au fic where he is apollo(because duh) and falls in love with a nymph and it would just be so splendid except my brain doesn't want to actually write it..... so there is that

alright clearly i only use like three words when i write so cheers to that! but this was super fun thank you so much for the tag i would tag people but my brain has given up on doing anything after the exertion of finding all these things in my wip bullshit!!!

sorry for being so mia from this place i just have been traveling and exploding internally and exhausted beyond belief but i'm trying to get back into writing again because i miss it like crazy :,(

hugs and kisses little beanie babies <333333

#tag game #wip life #the boys brain rot is still so real in these streets #what is with me and blonde men i hate it here

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rttingmouths · 2 years

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let’s try this again

#tag dump #ic; chaz .⠀⠀⠀⠀/　　　*　「 🎷 」　　WE　ARE　LIFE ;　WE　ARE　LOVE ;　WE　ARE　THE　ENVY　OF　THE　GODS　　=͟͟͞ ✰#aes; chaz .⠀⠀⠀⠀/　　　*　「 🎷 」　　WHAT’S　BETTER　THAN　THE　VAGUE　EMBRACE　OF　A　SOFT　FUZZY　MAN ?　　=͟͟͞ ✰#img; chaz .⠀⠀⠀⠀/　　　*　「 🎷 」　　I’M　FEELING　DEVIOUS ;　YOU’RE　LOOKING　GLAMOROUS　　=͟͟͞ ✰#isms; chaz .⠀⠀⠀⠀/　　　*　「 🎷 」　　THE　THRILL　OF　THE　CHASE　MOVES　IN　MYSTERIOUS　WAYS　　=͟͟͞ ✰#i accidentally left it as a different muse instead of chaz lol im an idiot #anyways like i said before i had 2 repost.. ill probably write this weekend im jst really tired everytime i get the chance to write lel #my brain is too crazy all over the place to be able to write anyways

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shoyosthighs · 3 years

Text

1 Month Challenge

Hinata Shoyo X f!reader (SMUT 🔞)

Sum: A challenge came up by Hinata before he leave for a month of intensive volleyball training 🤭 (timeskip MSBY Hinata)

Warnings: +18 MDI, dirty talk, unprotected sex, oral receiving (both ways), hard edging, dirty talk, daddy shoyo, 69, hard orgasm deny, creampie, basically really filthy smut

Word count: 2504 words

Author’s Note: Its been 8 years since I last written smut HAHA please spare me 😭 Im loving timeskip buff hinata currently and this plot is something similar I saw on p*rn so I decided to write it 🤭

________________________________

“Sho! Have you packed all your stuff?” You shouted from the kitchen from you and Hinata’s apartment. Preparing breakfast for him before he leaves for his intensive training in Brazil with the MSBY team in an hour.

“Yes baby” Hinata whispered in your ears from behind while snaking his arms to your waist and pressing you to his chest. “Can you pass me the soy-sauce, I made your favorite” you kiss him on the cheek while preparing his favorite Japanese rice with raw egg and soy-sauce.

“What did I do to deserve you baby” he wipe his fake tear smiling at you while passing you the soy-sauce.

“Baby girl, remember to take care of yourself okay? I will be back in a month. I know your college exams are coming soon but without me reminding you to eat you wouldn’t eat, so please remember to eat okay?” You nodded while pouting, didn’t really want him to leave.

“I will tell Yams to check up on you too” he side-eye you, knowing you will forget to take care of yourself once you indulge yourself into studying. “You’re so nagging haha” you pass him a cup of ice chocolate while ruffling his hair.

“Anyway baby, before I leave let’s come up with a challenge?” he asked while helping you wash the dishes and drying it. He pulled you to the couch and sat down while pulling you onto his lap, straddling him.

“What’s up your sleeve again?” You run your hands cupping his head from behind and play with his fluffy orange hair. “You see, I will be gone for a month and we won’t get to fuck” he said in a teasing voice. Knowing him, your high sex drive boyfriend for 2 years he will be having this dirty thoughts 24/7.

“And yeah what about it?” You rest your cheek on his chest and hug his waist instead. “Don’t touch yourself for a month, and when I come back I will breed you till morning” he smirk at you. “Hey not fair, what about you?” Knowing his horny ass he will probably run to the bathroom to finish himself off, “Both of us, it’s a challenge for both of us”

“I am up for it, but can you?” You tease him back. “You bet” he kiss you on the lips while carrying you into your shared bedroom, breeding you for the last time before he leaves for training.

It was already the 3rd week since Hinata has gone for his intensive training in Brazil, he had been sending you photos of himself shirtless almost everyday, but a prominent outline of his hard dick is seen on this jersey pants in every picture.

my ninja sho❤️: Im sooo horny baby🙁 i wanna ruin you so bad 😘

you: shoyo… HAHAHAHAA just how hard are you 🤣🤣🤣

my ninja sho❤️: Just you wait, 1 more week and you won’t be able to walk after im done with you 🙃

you: 🤭🤭🤭🤭

Truth to be told, you was so close to touching yourself and relieving yourself, but you really wanted to see how long can you hold onto it. You busied yourself with studying, playing the new game you downloaded, eating lunch and having tea time with Yamaguchi in the cafe that you, Hinata, Yamaguchi and Tsukishima like to hang out in your free time. Yachi and Kageyama joined sometime too but Yachi has moved to Osaka for college and Kageyama was busy with travelling because of his volleyball career.

“So how are you coping without Shoyo?” Yamaguchi stop scrolling his phone, looked at you while sipping his frappe. “What do you mean?” You acted blur, you know what Yamaguchi was implying. But you didn’t want to remember anything of Hinata that will get you riled up.

“Oh come on, you two are the second horniest couple I have know. Well Tsukki and (tsukki’s gf name) being the first” he laughed since all of you had been friends since high school years.

“Not saying anything~~~~ don’t ask anymore before I tell your girlfriend you wanna get it” you smiled not hiding the intention of killing. “Jeez ok ok im kidding” he laughed while seeing his girlfriend of 4 years outside the cafe. You and Yamaguchi then meet her outside and walked home for a movie night.

Hinata had just landed into Japan, after getting into the van with the team he texted you to let you know that he will be home in 2 hours. You were eating dinner when your phone pinged, you replied him with a ‘Okie hurry up 😭’ you had missed him, 1 month without hugs from him was quite depressing for you, the house seems quiet without him singing loudly while showering.

You had brought a white crotchless underwear to surprise him, you quickly showered, change into an oversized white t-shirt and slip on the lewd panties. You turned on the tv while watching the 7pm show that you had been chasing since last week.

Time passed by quickly but you were getting sleepy, so you grab your blanket and wrap yourself on the couch snoozing off for a bit, thinking to have a 10 minutes nap before Hinata comes home. But your snooze was interrupted by Hinata’s loud “MY LITTLE BABY!!! YOUR FAVORITE ABS IS HOME!!!”

You jolted awake and rush to jump onto on Hinata, wrapping your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist. Luckily your shirt was long to cover your ass because Hinata’s quick reflex supported them before you could fall. “I miss you so much baby” you whispered lightly while peppering kisses around his neck.

“I miss you so much too” he put you down on the floor and wrap his arms around your waist and kisses your forehead, nose and lips. After the small reunion, Hinata was in the shower and you were on the bed thinking about the steamy night that was about to happen. Just before Hinata went to shower he whispered “Prepare to be ruin by my cock tonight my little slut” this little cheeky tangerine, you thought as you clenched your pussy getting excited.

Hinata’s hands were running up and down your body as soon as he came out of the bathroom naked, “What? Im gonna fuck you anyway, why bother wearing clothes hehe” he chuckled when you glance at him in disbelief. He was kissing you slipping his tongue in to taste you while pulling off your t-shirt, he knew you didn’t wore any bra so he when straight at sucking your nipple while toying the other, his other hand going straight down south, wanting to feel how wet you are outside your panties but was caught by surprise when he touched skin.

“Do you like my surprise?” you said softly to his ear. He glanced up at you, “You are driving me crazy holyshit” he pushed you down onto your shared bed, brought both your legs up and spread your thighs wide to look at his surprise. “You are so fucking wet, you’re literally drenched” he move down collected some of your arousal and show it to you, “Sho, stop it. It’s embarrassing” you cover your face with both hand. Who knew not touching yourself and not cumming for 1 month made you this wet just by kissing your boyfriend.

“If you don’t move your hands away now, you won’t be getting any dick tonight” he said sternly. You were quick to remove your hand and he chuckled at how desperate you are. “You better not hold back your moans if you want to get fucked tonight you little slut” he turned your hip sideways, slip your panties off and slapped your ass, you moaned feeling yourself clenched again. “Do you hear me?” Hinata slapped your ass again when you didn’t answer, “Yes daddy” you whimpered, feeling extremely horny by how Hinata is treating you. Its really been awhile.

Hinata placed you back on your back and spread your legs again, hands holding onto the back of your thighs and diving into your drenched pussy, “Oh fuck daddy it feels so good” you clench your fist onto the bedsheets, back arching. You had been eating pineapple for the past 3weeks in prepare for today, “Why do you taste sweeter than usual baby? Did you had pineapple or what?” He lifted his head up to look at you, man the sight of him wet chin, wet lips full of your juice. You just nodded and clenched your pussy feeling the lost of touch, Hinata look down and the sight of your cunt clenched while juices dripping down made him want to just take you right here right now, but he steadied himself and dive back down to your pussy slipping his tongue into your tight pussy, tasting everything you have to offer.

Not even a minute had pass but you were writhing under Hinata, “Im gonna cum daddy” you whimpered, arching your back and grinding your hips into Hinata’s face desperate for the first orgasm after a month. You almost screamed when Hinata lift his face off your wet aching pussy, “Tonight you are gonna cum on my cock and only my cock” you whimpered a small yes daddy, panicking a little. When Hinata is serious he won’t hesitate to deny you orgasm and you wouldn’t want that.

“Now come and suck daddy off before I fuck your brains out” he lay next to you and you didn’t hesitate to take his already hard cock around your hand slipping the head to your parted lips, Hinata glances sideways to see you still dripping from your pussy, he tapped your ass and you turn back to look at him, lips still on his cock. “Sit on my face” knowing he loves 69 you quickly lift one of your legs and drape it over his head. Shifting your drenched slick infront of his face you move your mouth down to take Hinata’s warm cock into your mouth, “Oh fuck, your mouth feel so good” at this point Hinata wants to see how long he and you could stand denying orgasms before snapping.

You were a hot mess above Hinata, he had denied your orgasm 5 times while you had denied him 3 because you took slower stroke to work him up. Your pussy is literally drenched and sticky, you really couldn’t take it anymore its starting to hurt and you really need to cum, “Daddy please fuck me I need your cock” you turned behind and look at him. “My favorite” he lift himself up and you got on all fours facing the headboard, back arched with your cheeks squish onto the pillow. “Please daddy i am so wet for you, I had been a good girl, I want your cock please”

Hinata thinking he too couldn’t hold it back anymore line up his cock up your pussy lips rubbing up and down to tease you for a bit, he chuckled when you whimpered another please daddy and slip in all the way. You were so tight despite how wet you was prior to the foreplay and its driving Hinata crazy by how warm and wet you felt. “Holyshit baby you are so tight and warm”

You couldn’t think straight, all you could think was if Hinata were to move a few times you will cum soon. He slowly slip out dragging his thick cock veins around your walls and then slamming it back, “Fuck daddy im gonna cum” he continue to slam his cock into your pussy and then pull out completely and look down at your pussy, you were literally sobbing by now you clenched onto nothing and grind your hips wanting Hinata to just fuck your brains out.

You subconsciously slip your finger between your legs to relieve some tension on your pussy but Hinata hold your fingers by your folds, using his hand he guide it and circle it on your hole, you whimpered at how drenched you were, “Look at you wet and horny for me, since you’re being such a good girl daddy won’t hold back anymore okay” He line his rock hard cock back on your pussy and slip in, “I want you to cum hard on my cock okay” he leaned down and you nodded, preparing for his brutal thrust. At his 5th thrust your pussy had clamp down his cock and had you squirting all over your leg, you didn’t had the chance to tell him you were coming, Hinata had to pull out and watch you squirt all over the bedsheet and thinking how fucking hot you were currently.

“Look at you, so desperate to cum that you squirted all over our bed. What a little slut” he was gripping your ass and had continued his fucking your brains out. Your pussy is clenching onto him for the 4th time cumming hard on his dick and he had emptied 3 load of cum into your womb by then, holding you down while shooting his load into you. He weren’t kidding when he say he wanted to breed you.

Your lower half was sore by midnight, Hinata was now lying down with you on top of him grinding and whimpering at how hard he still is, both of your cum making your lower body full of white stains. “Sho- I-I can’t-t im gonna cum again” you grind harder onto his cock while throwing your head back, “Me too baby” he thrust up and hold your hips making you fall to his chest taking in the loud skin slapping and wet squelching sound you both produced, “Shoyo omg please please please harder im so close” he feel your walls clenching hard on him again and you cum hard onto his cock again for the nth time tonight while he shoot his almost nonexistent cum into you again, he really unloaded everything with nothing left. Soft moans filled the room as you lift yourself off his finally limped dick and plopped yourself beside him catching your breath.

“Stay here while i prepare the bath for you okay” you gave him a tired smile and close your eyes for a bit still feeling your body hot from the activity. Hinata came back and gave you a kiss on your sweaty forehead and carried you bridal style to the bathtub filled with warm water with your favorite bath bomb scent.

(EXTRAS)

Hinata was at the MSBY locker room the next afternoon for their short meeting/training regarding an upcoming match. He was shirtless was trying to put on his training jersey when Atsumu gasped, “HOLYSHIT SHOYO WHAT HAPPEN TO YOUR BACK?” All he could do was smile sheepishly and said “My little cat scratch me”

You weren’t spare either, you had to call Yamaguchi telling him you were sick the next morning because of how sore you were and you were literally limping even going to the bathroom. And had to cover the hickeys around your neck before going to school.

(A/N:It’s literally almost 4am here and Im also drenched after writing this fic, I HOPE YOU ENJOY 😭😭😭 reblog and comments welcomed ❤️)

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retroaria · 3 years

Text

Sapnap: Fluff Alphabet

cc!Sapnap x reader

pronouns: gender neutral

warnings: just swearing

here’s my 500 Follower Event ^o^

A is for Affection (How do they like to show affection?)

sapnap would give you so many compliments omg. he loves making you all smiley and blushy :) he just wants to make sure that you are always aware of the fact that he thinks you’re the most perfect thing to ever exist

B is for Bond (What kind of bond do you guys have? What could your relationship be labeled as?)

the best friend couple!!! sapnap tells you literally everything. any drama going on or any strong emotions he’s feeling, you know about it. most of the time, the second something happens his brain immediately goes “omg i have to tell y/n”. you guys always complain about the same things and get excited over the same things. you are genuinely one of the most important people in his life and he doesn’t know how he’d do it without you.

C is for Comfort (How do they comfort their s/o?)

he will literally drop everything just to hold you and not speak for like hours if you so needed. he strikes me as a naturally comforting person to the people he really cares about so I say he gets an A+ in this department

D is for Dates (What are dates with them like?)

dates with sapnap are either really chill or super fun. he’s the type of guy that would take you to play laser tag or to an arcade or a trampoline park. he’s like a little kid i love sapnap :3

E is for Emotions (How do they express their emotions around you?)

he’s a pretty expressive person when it comes to certain things. at the very least he definitely wears his heart on his sleeve a little so it isn’t hard to tell even if he does try hiding stuff. and like I said he tells you everything.

F is for Fiancé (How long into the relationship before they propose?)

I feel like he’s so young and he really just wouldn’t be thinking about that too seriously for awhile. like he loves you and you guys have talked about having a future together but he isn’t in any rush at all. hell just do it when he feels is the right time not matter how long it takes.

G is for Gentle (Are they gentle?)

it depends on the situation. he’s definitely the type of guy to pick you up from a super comfy position and just body slam you on the bed. but if he can tell you’re not in the mood to play around like that he’ll just sit down and hold you, so yeah he can be gentle. but most of the time be prepared for playful fist fights and getting picked up and thrown every now and then lol.

H is for Hand Holding (How do they like hand holding?)

sapnap always holds your hand. in fact he makes an effort to search for it whenever you aren’t holding hands. and sometimes he’ll even get whiny about it especially with like a lot of people around he’ll be like, “babe, why aren’t you holding my hand :( what if I get lost how are you gonna find me this place is big”

I is for I Love You (Who said “I love you” first?)

he did !! the first time sapnap said “I love you” was probably one of his most confident moments. he was so proud to be able to say it and so sure of himself and his feelings for you.

J is Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

YES OH MY GOD. he gets super jealous and it’s so easy to tell omg. his attitude starts to get like super bad and he is very clearly annoyed by the situation. he won’t ever be too overbearing about it and if you ever feel like he is once you sit him down and explain that he’ll back off a bit. but he’s still gonna be bothered by it so just always remind him that he love him and no one else.

K is for Kiss (What’s kissing them like?)

THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IM ACTUALLY GOING TO BE DESCRIPTIVE SO IM SORRY IF ITS CRINGE. anyways, he’d be a pretty deep kisser but not like full on making out every single time. he just likes to make them last and he isn’t one to just give you random kisses all throughout the day so it always feels special. kissing him makes you feel all warm and happy inside.

L is for Love Language (What’s their love language?)

sapnaps love language is quality time or acts of service!! i’d say mainly quality time. even while long distance he just likes having you on call while he does stuff or even just complaining to you about how tired he is while actively not going to bed so he can keep talking to you lol. he just likes having you around it’s a huge comfort for him. i say acts of service because he would get so giddy and happy anytime you did something special for him. he would show it off and brag about it forever and it would genuinely mean so much to him aahhajdxh i love sapnap

M is for Memories (Their favourite memory with their s/o?)

For your first time seeing each other irl, sapnap flew to where you live and you guys spent a whole week together. his favorite memories are definitely from that first week of seeing each other in person. of course you guys already had an amazing relationship while long distance, but there’s something so different about finally meeting the person you’re with in real life. it felt like he had to start over from scratch and you guys had to get to know each other all over again. also the idea of now having to build a physical bond. it was just such an amazing and beautiful experience. definitely the one that made him realize he really is in love with you.

N is for Nicknames (Their favourite nicknames given and received?)

IM SO BAD AT THINKING OF CUTE NAMES USHSJDH. probably just babe tho lol. for fem!readers, i can totally picture him using princess in a slightly sarcastic tone.

O is for Open (At what point do they start opening up to you about their life and feelings?)

mmm i’d say he actually starts opening up to you pretty early into the relationship. If you guys were like really close friends before hand he’s definitely already opened up to you. He doesn’t really have that many people in his life that he doesn’t trust.

P is for PDA (Are they into PDA?)

not really but he isn’t like super shy about it if that makes sense ??? like he’s 100% fine with hand holding, hugging, and light pecks when saying hello or goodbye.

Q is for Quiz (How much do they remember about you?)

I don’t think he really tries to remember stuff but he just does and he’s always making connections to you and things he sees and stuff it’s so cute :)

R is for Romantic (How romantic are they?)

he tries but he isn’t exactly the most romantic boy. like I said before you guys have a best friend type of connection so when it comes to romance he doesn’t go too above and beyond because he just doesn’t feel like he needs to. but on special occasions he will do something nice for you. He likes taking you out places !!

S is for Security (How protective/possessive are they?)

very much of both. once again, total sapnap vibes. i’d say he’s a lot more possessive than protective. he would never stop you from doing things like going out without him and having guy friends or making flirty jokes. he trusts you so much partly cus he’s a little narcissistic LMAO. but when a serious threat comes about he can get kinda crazy.

T is for Try (How much effort do they put into the relationship?)

GAAAAAA HE PUTS SO MUCH EFFORT IN!! you would probably be like his first ever serious partner so he would try his best at literally everything. in the beginning of the relationship you could totally tell how nervous he was at times but as you guys got more comfortable he just became an effortlessly amazing bf

U is for Uphold (How do they show you they’re proud? What kind of support do they give you?)

he talks about you so muchjahsjxjxh mostly to dream and george or on stream and he brags about you too. he can get pretty cocky about it but his friends can’t get mad because it’s literally adorable how whipped he is.

V is for Vaunt (Do they like to show off?)

YES OF COURSE !!! it’s sapnap guys…come on. literally any little accomplishment you make is turned into a way bigger deal than it should be because of him. he’s so proud of for literally just existing and he talks about all the cool stuff you’ve done all the time

W is for Wild Card (A random fluff headcanon.)

you guys really like going to different food places and eating different items compared to other places. THIS IS SO RANDOM LMAOO but like…sapnap would definitely have fun doing that

X is for X-ray (How well can they read you and your emotions/feelings?)

mmm he can usually tell if you’re acting strange or being distant. he cant always figure out exactly what’s wrong but he knows it’s something and he would confront you about it like almost immediately or whenever he thought would be a good time for you

Y is for Yearning (How much do they miss their s/o when they’re gone?)

he literally talks about you non stop when you’re apart. and when you guys are on the phone he comes up with all these plans for you guys to do when you see each other again and he always wants you to join vc on his streams if you can. in conclusion he misses you like crazy

Z is for Zebra (What kind of pet would they want with their s/o?)

A CAT!! or like a bearded dragon lol.

IM SO SORRY IVE BEEN GONE FOR LIKE TWO WEEKS HAGSKDHD

school is literally kicking my ass so hard man 😔

i’m gonna try to write more, working on a karlnap weed fic rn too LMAO

I’m taking a major creative writing class rn so between writing for school and writing for tumblr i am so drained but i promise i’ll get back into the swing of things soon :)

love you guys, thank you for everything and stay safe <333

@crackityy @fantasy-innit @joyfullymulti @k-l-a-w-s

#mcyt headcanons #mcyt preferences #mcyt x reader #mcyt #mcyt fanfiction #mcyt imagine #sapnap preferences #sapnap x you #sapnap x y/n #sapnap headcanons #sapnap imagine #sapnap x reader #sapnap fanfic

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