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kinnporsche · 4 months

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hey guys, long time no kinn & porsche fic rec list! i miss these two so much it’s not even remotely funny. as always, this list is ordered according to length (from longest to shortest), and each fic is by a different author (to share the love)! all fics that are not yet complete have been marked with (wip). lastly, make sure to read the tags, and show the authors some love! god bless y’all for my daily allotment of serotonin. [part 8/?]

— the empty crown by rainbowcolored7 – explicit / 106.3k words (wip)

Porsche was destined to rule his kingdom, but the throne and his family were taken from him, forcing him and his brother into hiding.

Kinn chose to rule to save his family from the untouchable threat of the Council who strictly guard the power of the Source.

When their worlds collide, everything changes. Hidden plans tumble into motion, enemies become allies and, above all, love conquers.

— you were there, written in my stars by bleakyblues – explicit / 70.5k words (wip)

Kinn is your everyday, ordinary guy. Well, as ordinary as the heir to the country’s underworld can be. But the point still stands. Kinn goes to school, helps his Pa with his work, hangs out with his friends and has a huge crush on his ‘good friend’ whom he is ‘not-dating’ (yet).

Enter Porsche Pachara Kittisawat with all the grace and stubbornness of a class five hurricane. And Kinn is lost, lost, lost... caught up in the winds never to emerge again.

— freedom is a sound/pleasure is a right ‘series by baby_droll – explicit / 31k words

Kinn stares at him, and then up at the ceiling, and then back at Porsche.

“Have you considered being professional even a day in your life,” he says, sitting back down in his desk chair and rolling away enough to get some space, “I mean really and truly, do you know what it looks like, barging into my office,” Porsche cuts him off, mouthing along to his spiel, mainly because he’s heard it before, “sitting on my desk, interrupting meetings, and acting like, Porsche, people are going to think things, things you and your shiny visa can’t afford to have them thinking. things that me and my giant internship program can’t afford for them to think—”

(Or: Kinn and Porsche meet, kiss, fall in love. Only one problem—Kinn is his PhD advisor, and there’s more than a few rules about them being together.)

— the bachelor by blue_grama – mature / 25.9k words

It’s Pete who explains, the next morning over breakfast, because of course the news has spread all over the compound. “Haven’t you ever watched a mob movie?” He asks Porsche, gesticulating with a spoon. “They have all the money they could ever need, but they can never get respectability. The old-money types look down on them. The new-money types take their bribes, but they don’t let them into the inner circle. This is public relations.”

“A kinder, gentler mob?” Porsche laughs. “Come on.”

“They’ll use it to look nonthreatening, highlight the legitimate businesses, that sort of thing,” Pete says. He lowers his voice. “Everyone knows the Theerapanyakuls are dirty, but if they’re on television, how dirty can they be, right? And… I don’t know, but Khun Korn is strange about Khun Kinn’s love life. Maybe he’s trying to keep him in line somehow.”

— i’m not a saint, but i pay like a sinner by haeseolar – explicit / 25.4k words

“I’m not sure how a lowly human like you called me, but here I am,” His voice is deep, but not gruff or harsh like he was expecting. Porsche doesn’t have many preconceptions about demons as a whole, but everything he holds is being completely turned upside down and thrown out the window.

“Who are you?” Porsche croaks out, somehow finding his voice.

The demon’s eyes sharpen as he speaks, the slitted black pupils contracting and opening again like a cat’s. It’s just as fascinating as it is unnerving.

“You’re the one that called my name,” He shrugs, gesturing around the room flippantly.

“Anakinn,” Porsche says, the name rolling off his tongue smoothly. “You’re Anakinn.”

— scale and bone by ahdriking – explicit / 25.2k words (wip)

Fairy tales aren’t real. There are no happy endings. These are the truths Kinn knows.

Ever since stepping into power, Kinn has been suspicious of the Russians—led by Mikhail Alexeyev—operating in Bangkok, suspecting them of stealing from him. He sends Kim to investigate, and the truth turns out to be much worse than his initial fears. He resolves to destroy them, even at the risk of all out war; he can do no less if he wants to avoid appearing weak.

It starts with reconnaissance at Alexeyev’s party, an event promising a ‘grand spectacle.’ Kinn is expecting something appropriately depraved, suitable for the Russian mobster and his tastes, but nothing could have prepared him for the reality of what Alexeyev has been hiding. Nothing could have prepared him for the way it will change his life forever.

Because fairy tales aren’t real.

Until they are.

— moonchild (we’re born in the moonlight) by wicca – explicit / 24.1k words

“Let me walk you home, then,” Kinn offers, recalling the recent accidents and all the superstitions he’d heard about the forest ever since he was a boy. “Even if you live close by, these woods can get dangerous. You should always get home before nightfall.”

“Trust me,” Porsche smiles, teeth sharp and brown eyes glittering an almost golden hue under the late afternoon light. “I’ll be fine.”

He lets Kinn walk him home anyway.

— desire is so different when god bore you hungry ‘series by captainkit – explicit / 20.6k words

“Let’s get out of here,” whispered Kinn. His eyes were so very kind. Porsche wanted to keel over with the hunger gnawing at his bones. The kindness in his eyes made him ache a little more.

“Okay,” he whispered back.

Starvation was an old friend of Porsche’s.

— force of attraction by nuwildcat – explicit / 14.3k words

Gravity (noun): the universal force of attraction acting between all matter.

Porsche never was the best student in school. She’ll be the first to admit that hands on lessons were always the ones that best made things ‘stick’ for her.

Porsche isn’t certain she wants to know whatever lesson Kinn Anakinn Theerapanyakul is trying to teach her. The problem is, resisting Kinn is like trying to stop a force of nature: impossible.

— if i go too far by p1n3appl3_p3n – explicit / 13.9k words

Kinn and Porsche are friends that fuck, and it’s totally fine until it isn’t.

— red-handed by martynax – explicit / 12.3k words

“Hello, gentlemen,” Porsche finally manages to find his voice and is proud of himself that he comes off as cool and collected. He doesn’t really feel like it, but as long as no one is pointing a gun at him, he can roll with whatever. He’s good at bullshitting his way out of tough situations. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

The corner of the stranger’s mouth ticks up in amusement, eyes taking in Porsche’s silhouette. It’s a slow once-over that makes Porsche’s skin tingle.

The stranger takes a slow sip of the whiskey, tipping the glass elegantly and smacks his lips after he swallows. “It’s not bad.”

“Want a refill?” Porsche proposes, waving his hand at the almost empty tumbler while he slowly starts approaching the couch. He feels awkward just standing there. The two guys in black suits tense up, but make no move to stop him. Not giving his unwelcome guest time to answer, he adds, “I’ll do you one better, I make a mean cocktail. How about I make you one?”

“Such a kind host,” the man muses, titling his head as he observes Porsche. “Do your best, little thief.”

— all of me (is all for you) by kurtstiel – explicit / 10k words

The water has saturated Porsche’s white shirt completely, soaking through the vest beneath. The translucent material clings obscenely to the swell of his pecs. His nipples are clearly visible through the sheer material, hard and pebbled, with the unmistakable shape of the metal barbells pierced either side of them.

Porsche’s head jerks up to check if he can still hide them from Kinn, but it’s already too late. Kinn is standing across the room, staring in Porsche’s direction, entire body coiled tight like a spring.

(Or: While Kinn is away on a business trip, Porsche gets his nipples pierced as a surprise for their anniversary. Kinn comes home earlier than Porsche expected.)

— whatever else that touches you by technicallyverycowboy – explicit / 9.4k words

“No, it’s fine.” Porsche shifts to be a little less plastered against Kinn’s side, straightens his shoulders and smooths out his jacket with great dignity. “The answer to your question is yes, I have really never been with any other men.”

(Or: Porsche answers questions, asks some of his own, tries new things, and fills in the knowledge gaps of his own sexuality.)

— i’ve been waiting for you, to slip back in bed by dearsidewalk – explicit / 5.5k words

Porsche is sound asleep on their bed, the cityscape casting a soft, warm glow against his skin, dipping and arching with his silhouette. Kinn sags, hands falling to his side, but that itch hasn’t faded—that heaviness in his chest, stomach, and throat multiplies, malignant and spreading, and in a blink of an eye, he’s at Porsche’s side.

— the sweetest thing on this side of hell by butterflylungs – explicit / 3.3k words

Being vulnerable with Kinn is always a dangerous game: she never knows when it’s going to be thrown in her face. After the forest, she thought—well. But Kinn had given her to Vegas, cold and stone-faced from her perch on the couch, still attached to an IV line after taking a fucking bullet for her.

#kinnporschsource #kinnporsche: the series #kinnporsche #kinn x porsche #fic rec #leila.txt #text #leave some kudos!

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teyamsatan · 1 year

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Summary: Your traumatic human life ended, making room for a new one amongst the Na'vi. You were a stone-cold areal hunter, death from above, but when your dad comes back from the dead with a mission that will endanger your life, what lengths would you go to to protect Neteyam and your new family?

Pairings: Neteyam x Avatar!Reader

Word Count: 102k words (finished April 3rd '23)

Warnings/notes: angst; mentions of death, violence, disease, mental illness, injury, blood; established relationship, swearing, smut (18+ , minors DNI)

A/N: The sequel to Illicit Affairs is here, and it will follow (all) the events of The Way of Water, so massive spoilers will be mentioned all throughout. I am so excited for this series, and I can't wait to share it with you. I love hearing your thoughts and comments and replies and asks, so please don't be shy, the serotonin fix it gives me is real, and I'm a phd student, i need that shit ok thank you enjoyyy xx

Read Illicit Affairs here (x)

I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost, the room is on fire, invisible smoke And all of my heroes die all alone, help me hold onto you I've been the archer, I've been the prey Screaming, who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay?

CHAPTER I: Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince

CHAPTER II: Out of the Woods

CHAPTER III: I Know Places

CHAPTER IV: Peace

CHAPTER V: This Is Me Trying

CHAPTER VI: The Great War

CHAPTER VII: Epiphany

CHAPTER VIII: Bigger Than The Whole Sky

CHAPTER IX: Safe and Sound (All is Found)

CHAPTER X: Daylight (the end)

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sagesolsticewrites · 2 months

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Hiya could you do Harry Crosby + “ if you asked me to marry you tomorrow, i'd say yes. “ “ what about today?” from one of your drabble prompt lists please and thanks 💛

Thank you so much for requesting, Nonnie! I’ve adored these Masters of the Air requests, especially getting to write for Harry my love!! Our favorite navigator 🥰

Quick warning that there is a nonzero chance of historical inaccuracies here, and the timeline may be a little off, but I did actual research for this one y’all! New additions to the ever-growing Useless Knowledge section of my brain: knowing where Lt. Harry Crosby studied for college (he was working on his graduate degree at the University of Iowa when the Pearl Harbor attack occurred; he went back to finish his degree there in 1947 and earned his PhD from Stanford University in 1953!), when and why he joined the Army Air Forces (paused his studies at U of I to enlist after Pearl Harbor), and where he was sent for his training (Mathers Field, California) before being stationed in Idaho, and eventually at East Anglia. Look at me go lol 🤪 Anyway, I hope y’all enjoy!

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction based off the portrayal by the actors in the Apple TV+ series. I hold nothing but respect for the real life individuals referenced within.

a/n: well, that’ll teach me not to try to format my fics on mobile 😂 I guess the Harry fic’s coming out today! Hope you like it Nonnie <3

Masterlist

Just Say Yes

You waited anxiously under the maple tree at the edge of the campus courtyard, fiddling with the worn, creased paper in your hands — Harry’s last letter, telling you that this next visit home would likely be his last before he was transferred to Idaho, and then to who knows where.

I’ll meet you under our tree, pretty girl, the letter had read, Saturday, our usual time?

The tree— the very maple tree you stood in the shade of now— was where you had met often when you were both students at the University of Iowa, studying English. The tradition had started when you were paired up for a project, and Harry asked if you would mind working outside.

“I think better in the fresh air,” he had said, almost apologetically, and you had agreed almost instantly, captivated by the quiet but clearly very smart boy who sat next to you in class.

Even after the project was over and graded, you continued to meet under that tree nearly every day at 2 o’clock after class to compare class notes or exchange feedback on essays.

And after nearly four months of meeting and working together, it was under that tree where Harry Crosby finally asked you out on a date.

Leaning back against the tree, you were jolted out of your trip down memory lane by a familiar voice calling your name.

Grinning, you turned to see Harry strolling towards you, dapper in his dress uniform, one arm raised in greeting, the other cradling a bouquet of tulips— your favorite.

You pushed off from the tree, unable to wait a single second longer, and sprinted to meet him, uncaring of the students staring at the crazy lady running across their campus.

He opened his arms as the distance between you lessened until you crashed into him, burying your head in his chest. He stumbled back a bit, absorbing your momentum, but he was quick to embrace you, quicker still to turn your momentum into a dizzying, joyous twirl, lifting your feet off the ground.

You let out a gleeful laugh as the world spun around you, and pulled him in for a long-overdue kiss once your feet were firmly back on the ground.

After the two of you reluctantly pulled apart, you cupped his face in your hands, drinking him in: lips stained red from your lipstick, hat knocked askew, uniform now more than a little wrinkled, and best of all, those warm brown eyes you had missed so much overflowing with love.

He looked as dapper as ever.

“Hey, pretty girl,” he murmured with a smile, a greeting for your ears only.

It had been so long since you’d heard those words from his lips, and all you could do was blink back the tears that sprang to your eyes as you replied with a simple, tender “Hi.”

Understanding filled his eyes, and he pulled you into a hug, pressing a kiss to your forehead and allowing you a moment to compose yourself before the two of you headed back towards your tree.

“Oh!” He said, holding the bouquet out to you as if he just now remembered he had it, “For you, m’lady.”

You took the bouquet, fingering the delicate pink and yellow petals. “They’re beautiful, Harry,” you smiled up at him, “Thank you.”

“Anything for my girl,” he said, gesturing for you to sit and make yourself comfortable first before he settled next to you in the shade.

“So,” he said, wrapping an arm around you, “Tell me everything. What have I missed? How’d that paper go that you were telling me about?”

You couldn’t help but light up at the mention of your latest paper— your pride and joy, your best work yet if you didn’t say so yourself— and at Harry’s encouraging smile, you rambled on about themes and motifs and parallels, Harry occasionally chiming in with a suggestion that made the connections you had made even clearer.

Despite the plethora of letters you had sent each other, each doing your best to keep the other updated, you and Harry never seemed to run out of things to talk about: the conversation flowed from your latest paper to how Harry had been giving the guys some book recommendations based on your suggestions, to the small bookshop you had taken to visiting, compiling a list of titles for him that you thought he’d enjoy. Harry mentioned that some of his comrades had set up a small library of sorts in the barracks, running on the honor system, but they’d likely need to shut it down soon, with people moving to their more permanent placements.

“Oh that reminds me,” Harry said, digging in his pocket for a moment before triumphantly revealing a scrap of paper with his distinctive scrawl.

“Plenty of the guys are getting letters from their wives and sweethearts,” he said, slipping you the small piece of paper with the address of his next assignment in Boise, “I wanna make sure I’m one of ‘em.”

“Getting letters from your wife, or your sweetheart?” You asked playfully, tucking the slip of paper safely in your pocket.

“Uh.. Well, I mean…” Harry stammered, trying very hard not to think about the small box in his pocket.

“Hey,” you pause to assure him, “I was just kidding.” Under the shade of your tree, you rested your head on his shoulder, looking out at the courtyard. “I know we’re a little young, but…” You took a deep breath, entwining your fingers with his, “If you asked me to marry you tomorrow, I’d say yes.”

You caught the barest hint of movement out of the corner of your eye, and you glanced over to see a small box held out to you.

A box in Harry’s hand that was open to reveal a delicate gold ring.

“What about today?” Harry asked softly, close enough that his breath brushed your cheek.

“I— Harry—” You were speechless, your world zeroing in on that small gold band before realizing that you had been silent for far too long.

You nodded furiously, turning to kiss him before you could even get the words out.

“Is that a—”

Harry’s tentative question was cut short by your lips crashing onto his. His hands came up to cup your cheeks, kissing you back with equal fervor, the ring box left in your lap.

You both eventually pulled away, gasping for air. Harry’s forehead remained pressed to yours, chocolate brown eyes locked on you.

“Was that a yes?” He asked, lips still just barely brushing yours, and you could feel him trying not to smile.

You were an English major. There were a thousand words you could have said, a thousand speeches of acceptance and love and devotion you could have made.

Only one word mattered to you just then.

“Yes.”

#sage answers #my writing #harry crosby #lt harry crosby #masters of the air #masters of the air x reader #harry crosby x reader #anthony boyle #anthony boyle harry crosby #anthony boyle lt harry crosby #anthony boyle x reader

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munson-blurbs · 2 months

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An Announcement

First and foremost: no, I'm not leaving/deleting.

Some of you know that I'm getting my PhD, and I'm trying to graduate this semester. Due to my advisor experiencing a medical emergency, I'm now behind and I'm in danger of not finishing my dissertation on time.

Right now, it's all hands on deck as I try to finish. As a result, I am putting a pause on request fills and anything outside of the Living After Midnight series until this paper is written.

I also won't have time to read as much as I have in the past. To my incredible mutuals--this is not a reflection of our friendship or how much you/your writing means to me. You all have gotten me through some of the darkest moments of my life, and I'm forever grateful.

I hope you all will stick around as I slow down posting a bit. And as soon as I graduate (fingers crossed), I expect y'all to inundate me with all of the incredible fics I've missed while hiding under my academic rock.

Thank you for understanding 💚

Yours till the coffee contemplates, Bug

#bug talks

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musubi-sama · 1 month

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“Classmates” Chapter 2

New town, new grad school, new friends, and your first time with a woman. A prequel to the previous chapter.

AN: I initially planned on a one shot, then just two chapters (this one and one more set the day before Ch 1), and now I have like an entire “plot” or at least a series of events over a few years of this couple’s life. It won’t be too deep or angsty, just fun and fluff.

Previous chapter | Next chapter

WC: 4.5k

Grad school was always a dream of yours. Getting in felt like a breeze. You found an adviser easily, the connections you had made in undergrad proved key. Same for the preparations to your initial proposal and interviews. You applied for several schools and programs, but you made it to your top choice.

That’s not to say you didn’t work hard; college wasn’t easy. But you thanked your lucky stars that one of your professors took you under their wing and offered to walk you through the process and be your key reference.

Today is orientation for your new lab. Meeting your adviser for the first time since spring of undergrad Senior year. You were joined by two new members and five returning students. You were the second to arrive, your other first-year lab mate immediately walking over to you, shaking your hand, and introducing themselves. You carry on friendly banter until you see another person walk in the door.

Shoko was wearing a simple blue cotton blouse, green tapered slacks, and classic black pumps. She carried a simple black leather tote on her shoulder. Her chestnut brown hair reached just past her shoulders, bangs swept across her forehead. She had simple makeup highlighting her face and a small freckle below her right eye.

But none of that really registered with you as the first thing you noticed was how her eyes looked directly into you, with a soft smile, and your heart skipped a beat while your stomach did somersaults. “Hey, calm down” you urge your brain.

She steps across the room to greet you. Because while normally you would at least try to take a few steps forward to meet a person halfway, your legs seem to have turned to jell o and your feet to concrete. You raise your arm in what feels like slow-motion as you extend a weak hand to Shoko and cough out a very weak “H-hi. It’s nice to me-eet you.”

“Aren’t you cute. Shoko Ieri. You must be new to town, haven’t seen you around before. At least, not in undergrad.”

“Oh, uh, no. I just arrived two days ago, I’m from the other side of the country, originally.”

And at that moment another few people entered them along with your adviser leaving your conversation clipped.

You spent the rest of the mixer mingling with your colleagues and getting to know them. By the end, you joined the lab’s Line chat group (which gives you access to Shoko’s contact. Not that you were going to send her any messages, you’re too paralyzed on what to say.)

As people started to leave, one of the PhD candidates invited everyone to a bar nearby for a post-gathering gathering. You manage to snag a seat next to Shoko who gives you a soft touch on your arm as you sit down. Goosebumps follow the touch and again your brain short circuits.

You spend the next two hours drinking cheap beer and easing out of your shell. Conversation flows particularly easily between the two of you as you share where you’re from and why you chose this university.

As people start to leave, you excuse yourself to use the restroom. When you return, you notice Shoko is missing and you feel a pang in your gut. You gather your bag to leave, giving those remaining a polite wave as you tell them you are looking forward to working with them starting next week.

As you exit, you see Shoko standing off to the side of the entrance smoking a cigarette, “Hi. Again.”

“Hi. Are you on your way out?” she pulls the cigarette away from her soft lips, blowing the smoke up and away from you.

“Yeah. Still not used to the time zone yet. See you on Monday!” you give a quick wave as you start walking down the street. You decide to walk the 30 minute trip home to clear your head.

After your first month of classes, you installed a few dating apps. When deciding on what types of potential partners you’d like to see, your finger hovers over the “gender” selections. You hesitate and wonder if you really are into women as a potential partner or are you just curious about what it’d be like in bed? You chicken out and choose “Male/AMAB”, sighing at your lack of confidence.

Once you’ve set up your profile, the app’s algorithm starts churning and you’re presented with options. You spend an hour swiping left on most profiles, although you find a few interesting potentials. You make a few matches, start chatting with one person you’re particularly interested in, and ultimately set up a coffee date.

During all of this, you’ve become friends with Shoko and she offers to sit across the coffee shop and keep an eye on things, to rescue you if it goes poorly. Fortunately it goes well, or at least, well enough that you agree to see him the following weekend for dinner. You give a quick wave as you leave, missing the small frown on her face.

It’s been six months and you’ve settled into a routine of research, classes, studying, seeing your boyfriend (typically just dinner at home and staying the night) a few days a week, and squeezing in coffee and dinner/TV/movies at Shoko’s. It’s a busy schedule, but you’ve managed to make things work.

As you’re approaching Spring Break, your adviser reminds you that there is no work expected to be done or deadlines immediately upon returning to classes. It’s a small gift for the first-year researchers. So to celebrate, one of your lab mates suggests a trip to the local bar to kick off a week of no academic responsibilities.

You send a text off to your boyfriend with the details. Agreeing to meet you at the bar since you were coming from two different directions, you lucked out and both arrived at the same time.

“Um, so, can we talk?” your boyfriend says as he approaches. You gulp at the uncomfortable and familiar line.

“Heyyyyy you made it!” one of your lab mates shouts as you enter the izakaya and approach the table. About two thirds of the lab is present, including Shoko. You light up seeing her as she takes a sip from her beer. You walk around the table and sit down with her. Shoko lifts an eyebrow and gives you a soft smile, “Glad you could make it, dear.”

The small pet name made your heart skip a beat. You were feeling a bit down because your boyfriend chose just before entering the izakaya today as the “perfect” moment to break up with you. The feelings were mutual, you weren’t a well-matched pair, but he was fine enough in bed, unoffensive, and was in the early stages of a good career. A smart, conservative choice for your future. But he was right, it just wasn’t going to work out.

“I realllllly need a giant beer.” you lean your head on Shoko’s shoulder and then quickly sit up. “Excuse me!” you shout as you try to flag down a waiter to take your order, placing your head back on her shoulder. Once the drink arrives, you lift your head off Shoko’s shoulder and take an impressively large swig.

“Let me guess…” Shoko trails off as she waits to see if you confirm her unspoken suspicions.

“I mean, the feelings are slightly mutual at least?” you take another large sip.

“If that’s what you need to tell yourself.”

“You’re right. But I don’t like this feeling.” Gulp.

“I’m not going to tell you there’s some perfect husband-material guy that is sitting at this table, or will walk in the door here right now. But I will tell you that I am here for you as your friend. A shoulder to cry on, to vent at, and/or let out your frustrations and anger on. Plus I can ply you with beer.”— Shoko winks— “Anyways, the tab is being covered by Mei Mei tonight.” Shoko knocks her glass with yours and you both take a sip. She keeps looking down, finally eeking out a small smile from you.

You start to perk up on your second drink, and are feeling confident and invulnerable halfway into your third beer.

Making easy conversation with your colleagues through the evening, you kept stealing glances and soft touches on your arm and your back from Shoko. Each time your stomach did somersaults and your brain floated through the clouds. No, that had to be the beer.

You excuse yourself to the bathroom, walking with a unique interpretation of steadiness. Upon returning, you sat down with all the grace of toddler.

“Let’s head out, yeah?” Shoko rests her hand on top of yours, giving your shoulder a nudge.

“Mmmm yeah. I want to just take a hot bath and collapse into bed.”

You start to drag yourself up and gather your belongings. Once outside, Shoko links her arm with yours as you both start walking in the direction of both apartments. The cool air helping you sober up. After a few blocks of comfortable silence…

“Why don’t you stay at my place tonight? I’ve got wine.” Shoko reaches her free arm around to fully embrace your arm linked with hers.

“Oh. Are…you sure?” You lift your head up off her shoulder and give her a inquisitive look. Crashing on her couch isn’t unusual; but as a result of your inebriation, you miss a subtle nudge and squeeze of your arm when you perked up.

Shoko just gives you a smile and she leads you down a side street and you make it to her apartment. You knock your shoes off and fall onto the couch as Shoko heads off to the kitchen. She rustles through the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon, a pair of wine glasses, and a wine key.

“Becoming one with the couch, I like it” Shoko joins you on the couch, sitting the items on the table, beginning to open the bottle.

“Mmmmm my favorite.” You motion towards the bottle as Shoko pulls the cork out with a satisfying ‘pop.’

“Always for you, my dear.” she starts to pour a heavy pour for both of you. You take the offered glass and clink with a polite cheers. Taking a sip, you savor the taste while your eyes linger on Shoko’s neck as she leans back and takes a slow sip and swallow.

Shoko reaches for her phone to turn on some music. Lyrics you’ve never heard start playing, but you start to nod your head to the beats.

“So, tell me what happened tonight.” Shoko turns to look at you directly, one leg hanging off the couch, the other folded neatly under her. She puts a hand on your knee, and you turn to mirror her body.

“I don’t know why he picked now? I thought things were going so well. I mean, he wasn’t like amazing, but it was comfortable,” you take another sip. “Whatever. Honestly, it was too hard juggling everything.” you take another sip and finish off your glass.

Feeling lightheaded from the wine, you lean back against the arm of the couch. Shoko leans over and takes your glass and sets it on the table with hers. Returning to the couch, she places her hands on either side of your shoulders, leaning against the couch arm, knees next to your thighs, caging you in. You look up at her, spit catching in your throat as your stomach turns flips and releases a kaleidoscope of butterflies.

Your brain short circuits when a pair of soft lips ghost against your own. They come back around, this time making full contact as they press against yours. You release a small moan as you drink in the aroma of the tannins on her lips. The softness yet gentle pressure of Shoko’s lips on yours sends a shock through your spine.

“May I?” she pulls away, looking at you with a hooded gaze. You just nod slowly as you bring your arms up to her waist, Shoko leaning in for a second kiss. This time with more urgency, sliding her tongue along your lips, a silent request for entry to your mouth. You open slightly and she presses her tongue in through the gap.

Gripping her waist more, you pull Shoko into you as you give yourself into the embrace. Shifting her weight, Shoko sits on your thighs and her hands slide to cup your chin as she pulls your face closer, tongue still mapping your mouth.

“What-“ you break away from the kiss momentarily. “I don’t-um…” you trail off.

Shoko slides one hand from your chin and laces with your hand at her side.

“Do you trust me?” Shoko says while squeezing your hand. Her eyes flicker between your eyes, your lips, and further down. You nod your head. Your brain is swimming in lingering beer, some wine, and the heavy lust clouds hovering around the two of you, “Then please just relax and lay back.”

You hum in acknowledgment as Shoko leans in and her free hand slides down your neck and cups your breast. At the same time, her lips begin to kiss down the column of your neck, sending shocks of pleasure down your spine. You arch your back at the sensations. Starting to feel tension in your cunt building from the tension.

Shoko kneads your breast for a moment before reaching down to the hem of your shirt and pulling it over your head. She also makes quick work of your bra.

Leaning back down, she takes one of your nipples into her mouth, sucking lightly as her hand cups your breast at the base. She repeats with your other nipple, softly kissing a line between them as she moves over. A soft moan escapes your lips as you acquiesce to the touch.

You slide your hands up from Shoko’s waist along her sides and gingerly caress her covered tits, giving them a light squeeze. You feel a vibration at one of your nipples as Shoko releases a light chuckle and then moans into you. This jolt of pleasure joins the others zipping right down your spine into your core. Feeling your arousal continue to leak out, creating a pool in your panties.

You grind your hips to try and get some semblance of relief, but to no avail. Noticing your squirming, Shoko sits up, releasing your nipple with a light ‘pop’ and starts to loosen your pants.

“Is this okay?” she whispers as she works the button open and lowers the zipper.

“Please…” you whine.

Squeezing your thighs together in another attempt to relieve the building pressure. The fog is only building around you, threatening to suffocate your brain. You feel woozy, but in a wholly thrilling way. This is new, this is exciting, this is uncharted territory. You’ve wanted this, but you could never put the thoughts together to fully realize it.

Shoko lifts off of you to fully remove your pants and panties, leaving you fully exposed. “Come here” Shoko stands up and extends her arm to you. You grab it and stand up. She pulls you into her, wrapping her arms around you as your lips crash together, drinking in the lust. Shoko leads you to her bedroom in the back of her apartment. Not a molecule in your body wasn’t pushing you forward, craving more. More touch, more kissing, more unknown.

You fall backwards onto the plush duvet. The head of the bed covered in myriad pillows, both practical and decorative, you slide back so you are sinking into the soft pillows, somewhat propped up.

“Don’t blink,” Shoko bites her lip as she reaches for the hem of her shirt, rucking it up from her waist letting it pop over the swell of her chest, tossing it to the side.

Then her pants, slowly unbuttoning them and shaking her hips back and forth as she pushes them down and steps out.

Next, she turns around so you can see her plump ass split and wrapped by a simple blue lacy thong. She looks over her shoulder as she unclasps her bra and slides the straps off her shoulders. She uses one hand to grasp the side of the bra and drops the other arm to her side as she tosses it to the foot of the bed near you.

And finally, she slips her thumbs into the sides of her thong and bends over, giving you a stunning display of her ass as she pulls off her thong. The middle of it sticking momentarily in her cunt as her own arousal created a sticky mess. She tosses it right next to your head, draped over the headboard.

Watching the show unfold in front of you, you can’t help but let a hand drift between your legs, dipping into your trimmed pussy, circling your aching clit. You let out a moan when Shoko presents her ass to you and gasp when the final article of clothing lands next to you. Looking up, you see Shoko kneeling on the bed at your feet, slowly climbing up your legs.

Shoko grabs hold of your wrist and removes it from your core, holding your wet fingers up to her mouth. Sticking out her tongue, she languishes over your fingers, cleaning off every bit of your arousal.

“Mmmm, sweet,” she places your wet hand on her breast as she drags a finger along your folds. You reactively squeeze, moving your hand to roll her nipple in your grasp.

With a smirk, Shoko slowly inserts her middle finger into your sopping wet cunt. At the same time, she uses her thumb to rub your clit gently. Not wanting to overwhelm you in what is clearly your first time with a woman, Shoko gently slides her finger in and out while circling your aching bud.

Your hand having abandoned it’s duties to falling beside you, you gasp at the pleasure. The knowing sensation of someone who is treating your body with measured precision. Reflecting the same pleasure she’d used her entire adult life on herself. You let yourself be consumed by the feelings, brain stopping all other functions. Giving in to the lust, drowning in the touch.

“Shoooookooooo oh god please,” you rattle off nonsensical exclamations as the speed picks up. Shoko lays down next to you on her side. She drapes one leg across yours, lightly grinding her cunt against your thigh. Shoko adds a second finger to the pistoning.

Pressing needy kisses into the side of your neck, you turn your head to the side to capture her lips on yours. The kiss is rough, it’s full of tongue and movement. You continue to grind against Shoko’s hand as you near your high. Whimpering into the continued embrace, your free hand shoots up to your hair.

“Ah! Fuck, please! I can’t—“ You throw your head back as you orgasm hard into Shoko’s hand. Letting out a whimper that sounds more like a shout, you ride your high with clouded vision. Your hand flies from your hair to Shoko’s hand, clasping it tight as you jut your hips erratically.

Breathing heavily, you finally turn your head to the side and Shoko kisses the corner of your mouth, and then kisses away the tears leaking from your eyes. Slowly removing her hand from your sensitive core, Shoko brings her hand up to lick off your orgasm.

Coming down from your high, you push Shoko’s leg off of you and roll her onto her back. Moving yourself to between her legs, you tentatively reach your hand down to cup her bare folds. You gasp at the wholly familiar, yet new feeling on your hand.

Going back for a second touch, Shoko leans up on her elbows, “Baby, please don’t be shy.”

You pause for a moment and then refocus your attention on Shoko’s clit, gently rolling it between your fingers. Shoko arches her back at the sensation, pussy glistening and leaking.

You are encouraged by her reaction, so you take your other hand and spread her pussy open and inserting a finger gingerly. Sliding in, you feel a tingle down your spine with another sense of familiarity. You add in a second finger and Shoko begins to roll her hips against your ministrations.

Feeling more confident, you start to slide your fingers in and out of Shoko’s tight pussy. Trying to mimic the motions you’ve used on yourself and reading her face to draw out the best reactions, you adjust the speed and angle of your fingers until just right.

The room is filled with heavy panting, whimpers, needy whines, and the thick scent of arousal. You’re no longer feeling the influence of alcohol on your brain, but instead getting drunk on lust. You lean down to press a messy kiss on Shoko’s neck as she arches her back and releases a loud shout while you feel her orgasm pulse around your fingers and leak around you.

After a few heady moments, you pull your hand out, spreading your fingers and see the wet strings of her sticky arousal coating your fingers and dripping into your palm. Taking your turn to clean up your hands, you savor the sweet and tangy essence, letting out a moan as you swallow.

Shoko reaches up to you, cupping the nape of your neck, pulling you into her in a warm, tight embrace.

“First time, eh?”

Your words lost in your throat, you just nod.

“I’ve been waiting for the right moment since the day I met you.”

You lift yourself up and look straight into her eyes, your own expression in disbelief, “Really?”

“Mmm.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t really know what to do, but I really did love it. I-I think I want—” You pause to bury your head in your hands. Shoko gently grabs your hands so she can see you. You sit back on your heels and she sits up and gently wraps her legs around you.

“Don’t, no, don’t apologize. There isn’t an instruction manual attached to everyone’s genitalia, and,” she pauses to kiss your neck, “we don’t need to figure out what we are or what this was or anything in this moment. Let’s go take a bath, yeah?”

“Oka-y. Okay. Yeah. That’ll be nice,” you start to get off the bed but you wobble a little as you stand up.

“My little Bambi…” Shoko stands up and links her arm with yours as she leads you to the bathroom.

She starts the water in the over-sized tub and then starts rustling through the cabinets for towels, soap, and bubbles. You sit down on the lid of the toilet, bringing your feet and knees up.

“Bubbles?” she asks you.

“Bubbles,” you giggle back at her as she adds a bubble bar to the bath. You watch it start to cover the top of the water making it more opaque as the tub fills up.

Shoko disappears out the door and returns with a tray she fits across the tub, the wine bottle, and two wine glasses refilled.

“Hmm I think that’s enough water,” Shoko turns off the tap and she motions for you to take her hand. She steps in ahead of you and holds your hand for balance as you dip in, giving a soft moan to the searing warmth of the water.

Siting at opposite ends facing each other, you take a soapy hand to reach out for a glass and again share a gentle clink and take a sip. You both settle into a comfortable silence, still coming down from your respective highs. Your brain still in an unfocused fog, you’re just enjoying the moment to relax. Legs twisted around each other as you face Shoko in the peaks and valleys of bubbles.

Enjoying the view, seeing the swell of her breasts hovering in the edge of the bubbles and water. Shoko catches your gaze and returns the look, taking in your exposed skin.

“Can we do this again?” you ask suddenly, breaking the silence.

“A bath?”

“No. I mean, before that,” you start to blush, hoping it’s just from the wine and the hot water.

“Oh.” Shoko smirks, “I thought you’d be too tired tonight, but, sure.”

“I just meant like tomorrow or the next day or…” you trail off, blush deepening and spreading down to your exposed décolletage.

“You’re fun to mess with. I’d like to do it again, I’m sure we can find more time in the future.”

You hum in agreement and take a sip of your wine. You feel an overwhelming sense of relief that you felt were mutual. Back in undergrad, you were never sure if it was just a garden-variety crush on a celebrity (doesn’t everyone find them attractive?) or that your brain actually had an attraction to women and men.

You’ve never come out to your family or admitted any of this to them, never really receiving the emotional support you’ve wanted. But maybe Shoko could answer your questions once your brain solidified again.

But, you knew one thing. You were addicted. Your lust-drunk brain focused on the sensations from tonight and etched them into your memory. Maybe next time you’ll get that sweet nectar on your tongue right at the source. Maybe next time you’ll get smothered by her sitting on your face. Maybe next time you’d wrap your hands in her hair and—

You snap out of your daydream when you hear the tap of glass as Shoko pours more wine into her glass.

“Um, what are your plans for spring break?” you try to convincingly ask so as to divert your brain off it’s horny line of thoughts.

“Didn’t have any. Probably just watch trashy movies, drink wine, and pray my friends are charged up,” she knocks her leg into yours on the last statement.

“Huh?” you are caught off-guard at the insinuation of the likelihood of toys to play with. Maybe next time…?

“Don’t worry about it. I don’t have any plans, didn’t want to go anywhere this year. Besides, I need to start prepping my med school applications. What about you? Going home?” Shoko continues sipping her wine.

“No, no plans. Going home is too much of a hassle and there isn’t much for me there anyways. I planned to just sleep and become one with my couch.”

“Stay here, with me. I’ve got a big couch, and I think it’s missing an impression of you sunken into it.”

You choke on your wine, but Shoko just chuckles and finishes her glass. She offers to refill as she empties the bottle. You continue to soak and enjoy each others’ company until the bubbles have all popped and the wine is all gone.

Getting out, you towel off and dig through Shoko’s skin care shelf to apply a few layers of product. She offers you a spare (new) toothbrush and you put on a borrowed over-sized t shirt.

Climbing into bed, you feel uncomfortable and unsure with just laying there until Shoko wraps an arm around you and nuzzles her head into your neck with a nip from her teeth. You have a feeling you won’t be going to sleep just yet.

#jen の stories #jjk smut #shoko x reader #shoko ieri #shoko smut #bisexual #“classmates”

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just-dreaming-marvel · 1 year

Text

Caught In A Web ~ 1

CAUGHT IN A WEB MASTERLIST

Word Count: 1,390ish

Summary: You’re 25 and getting your PhD. While visiting a lab, something happens that changes your life.

Notes: I announced this series 7 months ago and we’re finally getting started! I hope that this chapter doesn’t disappoint, it is only the first one!

“Yes, sir,” you responded, balancing the phone between your ear and shoulder as you grabbed items and stuffed them into your backpack. “Yes, sir. I promise to be there early. I wouldn’t want to miss being a part of the lab opportunity… Yes. Thank you again, sir. I will see you then. Bye.”

You tossed your phone on the bed after hanging up. You let out a little squeal as you fell back on the bed. You had just been invited by your professor to examine some of the items and animals that had been infected with toxins after the Battle of New York. It was an honor to be invited. You knew it would be hard to keep your excitement at bay for the next few days. But you were going to have to try.

Ever since you could remember, you wanted to be a scientist. You’ve wanted to change the world with your discoveries. You studied a lot of Bruce Banner’s works and were inspired by him. Though, you never wanted to experiment on yourself like he did—especially after what happened to him.

You sighed contently as you thought about all the possible things you might see when you visit the lab. But then you began to remember the Battle of New York. You shuddered as you sat up, knowing that if you thought about the actual too long the nightmares would return. And you had worked too hard to have them come back. That was 5 years ago. You were now 25 and working on your PhD. Things had changed for the better and you were hoping that it would only continue to go that way.

~~~

The lab was just as amazing as you thought it would be. Many plants, insects, and animals had been affected by the toxins the aliens brought when they attacked New York. Your Professor and those who ran the lab trusted you, and the other students in the group, to be careful as you were all basically allowed free rein.

You took your time, going from specimen to specimen, using the tablet you were allowed to borrow to read up on each one. The charts and test results were so interesting to you.

“Y/N,” your professor called for your attention.

“Yes?” You responded, hating to have to pull your eyes away from your tablet.

“Would you like to hold one of the spiders?”

“Sure!”

You hurried over to where your professor was. He opened the glass tank that held a variety of spiders. On the outside, none of them looked like they had changed, but you saw the test results. Their DNA had been changed and it was changing more and more as the new eggs hatched.

“Go ahead,” the professor encouraged.

You slowly placed your hand in the tank. You set it in front of one of the spiders, waiting for it to decide to crawl onto your hand. When it finally did, you held your breath. The tiny legs tickled the palm of your hand as the spider moved around. You moved your hand out of the tank to get a better lock at the creature.

“It’s amazing that so much inner DNA has changed, but nothing physical,” you noted in awe.

“Actually, we have found that some of this new generation of spiders have fangs and venom,” one of the scientists said as they came up to you. “Don’t worry though, those ones are in a different tank under observation right now.”

“I have a few questions about that,” your professor said, leading the scientist away.

That left you alone with the spider crawling around your hand. You watch in awe as you moved your hand around to keep the spider in your sight. It all happened so fast though. In a literal blink of an eye. You blinked and the spider bit you.

“Ow!” You exclaimed softly.

You quickly put the spider back in the tank and closed it. Looking closely at your hand, you could barely make out the bite mark. Not wanting to alarm anyone, you kept quiet about the bite. Unless something came up, it was no big deal, right?

~~~

The next morning, you woke up abruptly, needing to throw up. You rushed to the bathroom, barely making it before the contents of your stomach came barreling up. As your head was practically inside the toilet, you could feel the sweat gathering on your skin. You wiped your mouth off with a piece of toilet paper as you sat back against the tub. You closed your eyes, noting how everything hurt in your body.

Remembering the spider bite, you glanced down at your hand. There was no sign of irritation or that you had even gotten bitten. You immediately thought then that it must be some sickness going around.

After struggling to heave yourself off the floor, you went back to bed. You made sure to quickly inform your professors and your boss that you would be home sick for today. That went on for three straight days. You couldn’t keep anything down, could hardly move, and had a fever that caused you to sweat and have chills.

You finally had a break on the morning of day four. You woke up feeling completely normal like you hadn’t just felt like you were on your deathbed the days prior. Taking it slowly, you went to the bathroom and took a bath. Sitting in a warm bath and feeling like a normal person felt good.

Wrapping yourself up in a towel, you stepped out of the tub and moved to stand in front of the mirror. You needed to start getting ready so that you could actually go to class and work today. You pulled your hand away from your towel, only to have your towel come with you. You tried shaking your towel off of your hand, only for it to keep sticking. You removed your other hand to see that the towel was stuck to it as well.

“What the hell,” you whispered to yourself.

Even with the towel stuck onto with of your hands, you did what you could to peel the towels away from your hands. It felt like you were peeling a sticker away from its backing. You let the towel just fall to the ground, not wanting that to happen again. Leaving the bathroom, you grabbed your clothes, only to have them stick to your hands as the towel did. Fighting with clothing, you tried to get dressed as quickly as possible.

In your rush, you fell into your desk, pushing it into the wall and causing it to create a hole. Your desk wasn’t easy to move. It was a heavy, old wooden desk that you had to pay two men to move it into your apartment. Timidly, you gave the desk a pull back to its original position, which was too easy.

“How the—“

Your arm flung down and suddenly there was a sticky substance covering your foot. You crouched down to see that it was white—almost clear— and silky. Slowly, you reached out to touch it. It felt and looked like a spider web.

“No way,” you breathed out. “What is happening?”

~~~

You could not get to your class fast enough. Thankfully, it was a lab day to work on your thesis project. You immediately swabbed your mouth, drew some blood, and grabbed some skin samples. There was something going on with you and you were determined to find out what.

There were other people in the lab with you, so you had to stay calm and collected when your newfound strength would break a beaker or your hand would stick to something. You realized that the more calm you were, the less likely you were to stick to something. So you put headphones in and blasted music that kept you in the zone and calm.

It took you two days—with long nights in the lab—to finish running the tests on yourself. Upon reading and studying all the tests, it was easy to determine that your DNA had been altered. And you knew exactly what it was that did it: the spider in the lab you had visited. The venom in the spider had changed your DNA and given you spider-like superpowers.

next chapter >

TAGLIST IS CLOSED - Taglist Information

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welldonebeca · 1 year

Text

Miss, PhD (XVIII)

WC: 3.2k words Warnings: Fluff. Smut. Some hint of dom/sub tendencies, but that’s it. Vaginal fingering. Vaginal sex (P-in-V sex). Talks of protection and protected sex - do it like Steve and wrap it before you tap it. Dirty talking. Praising Kink.

If you like my work, consider buying me a coffee or subscribing to my Patreon. It’s just $2 a month and helps a lot while I go through these hard times.

Masterlist

Steve’s hand was comfortably set over your thigh as he drove away from the bar and back to your home. He was going to spend the night over at your place, and had already brought a lot of his things over considering how many of his weekends were spent there.

His mind was only focused enough on the road to drive. The way your warm skin felt under his fingers was making them tingle, making him eager to touch more of you, and the way you had looked at him the whole night was telling him that you were not interested in just sleeping once you two got to your home.

“Do you want to stop by the convenience store?” you asked just as he stopped at a red light.

Steve blinked away from his thoughts, briefly confused, and looked at his face.

“For condoms,” you added.

He opened his mouth, a little surprised, and then closed it. Two months in and he was a little surprised by your bluntness.

“Yes,” he confirmed, after a couple of seconds. “That’s a great idea.”

He drove up to the Seven Eleven and pulled up, clearing his throat before turning to you.

“Do you have anything against… anything?” he asked, knowing better than to leave it to chance. “Allergies, discomfort… Anything you actually want me to get?”

“No texture, please,” you told him. “And no fire and ice or anything that will make anything feel differently than the standard vaginal feeling.”

Steve nodded. Okay, yes. He wouldn’t want to introduce something out of the norm for himself so quickly, either.

“And latex?” he asked.

“No allergies,” you assured him. “Maybe get lubricant, just to make sure?”

He unbuckled his seatbelt and saw you doing the same with the corner of his eyes, leaving the car and quickly opening the door for you before you could, just smiling at your scowling face and taking your hand inside.

Even in his mid-thirties, Steve still couldn't help blushing as he strode into the little corridor with the condoms, and turned to you when you let his hand go and walked somewhere, picking up candy and smiling at him the moment your eyes crossed.

"Here," you offered him a little basket, putting your candy inside.

He chuckled, putting the pack of twelve inside and looking around for the lube before finding one he was familiar with - and latex-friendly - and getting to your side to get on the line, looking at your hand when you grabbed his again.

"I can schedule us appointments to get tested," you told him as you walked to the car. "If you want to, of course."

"Are you on the pill?" he asked, giving you the paper bag.

His heart raced a little bit as he started the car again, feeling a little expectant now.

"Oh, no," you shook your head. "I'm too forgetful. I have an IUD."

He nodded, a little more relieved. Yes, the IUD was much more reliable for someone with your habits.

"I got it first when I was 18, because my parents wanted to make sure I had a backup plan if the condoms failed. Of course, I got the first one out 5 years later and got a second one in, so this one is just... two years old?"

"If you were twenty-three, yes," he agreed.

You hummed a confirmation.

"I can get an ultrasound to show it to you," you told him, squeezing the hand he had on yours, and put it on your thigh again. "If you want to make sure."

"It's alright," he ran a thumb over your skin, feeling the soft fuzz of hair against his fingertips. "I believe in you."

The rest of the way was quiet, and while Steve was trying to keep his outside appearance calm and confident, he definitely raced to get to your building, making it in half the usual time and walking quickly to the lift, so you could just get there already.

To say he was a little eager was to be discreet about what he was feeling.

You took off your shoes the moment you got inside, opening the little pack and taking the candy from inside before placing the lube down and taking the condoms closer to your face, raising your eyebrows for a moment.

"52mm?" you looked at him, a little doubtful. "Are you sure?"

Steve's cheeks felt hot.

"Absolutely," he agreed.

You just hummed, placing it down and walking to the kitchen, and he scratched the back of his neck.

Steve was... on the thicker side, yes.

He picked up the pack and the lube and put them in his pocket, a little unsure, and sat on your couch, tapping his fingers while waiting for you.

The moment he saw you walking out, you were still chewing on something, and stopped midway through the living room, looking at his face.

"Are you okay?" you asked. "We don't have to do anything if you don't want to."

"I do," he assured you. "I want to."

You nodded and looked at your own bare feet for a moment, raising your face and looking at him before pushing the skirt of your dress up, keeping your eyes on his as you took off your underwear, raising your cottom panties like a little flag on your finger.

"I guess I won't need this," you smirked, walking to him.

Steve shook his head, lips curling in a grin, and pulled you by your waist to sit completely on his lap.

"You won't," he agreed, taking your lips in a kiss.

He kissed you hungrily, squeezing your body close, eager and hungry after so much teasing through the night.

You moved your hands up his shoulders, and his hair, and Steve hummed against your lips, trying to stop himself from moving too fast. He hadn't realised until now how eager he was, how hungry he’d been for you. The two of you were taking your time with everything - your relationship was going in a gentle pace, and you two were still stretching your limits to see what your boundaries would be, and sex wasn’t discussed until literally right now.

Not that he didn’t want it, cause he did. He really did want to do it.

But he wasn’t sure of how to approach it with you, probably because of his own internalise unsurenesss about having a disabled parter - something you were patiently helping him with.

The moment he pulled away from your lips to kiss your body, you arched your chest to him, and gasped softly when he touched your neck.

“Here?” he asked softly, nibbling his way up to your jawline.

“Yes,” you whined, squirming on his lips, nearly grinding against his cock.

He smiled, pressing the spot under your ear, and sucked on it when you whimpered.

“Here?” he whispered.

“Yes.”

Your hands moved to your front, and Steve watched with the corner of his eye as you untied something at your side, and your dress became loose, and he had to stop himself from just pushing it out of the way.

“Steve,” you whined when he simply kissed onto your collarbone and moved to kiss the other side of your neck.

“You teased me the whole night, honey,” he moved his hand to your front, making little circles on your soft stomach. “Don’t you think I should have a chance to do that same to you?”

When he looked at your face, you were pouting adorably.

“No,” you decided.

He chuckled, kissing your pouty lips and touching the bottom of your bralette, teasing it as your fingers travelled up to his hair, and you pulled on it, making shivers travel up his spine, and heat to grow on every inch of his skin that you touched.

“But, Steve!” you pouted, reaching and trying to pull his hand up, struggling because of your dress.

He bit your lower lip gently, squeezing your middle, and smirked. So, so impatient.

“Now, now,” he kissed your chin, your neck and the space between your collarbones, nosing the vale between your breasts. “Patience is a virtue.”

Still, he moved his hands up and squeezed them, rubbing his thumb over where he supposed your nipples would be. Fuck, you had such beautiful tits.

“But I don’t like being patient,” you pulled on your dress, and he pulled his hands away, watching the fabric sliding off of your shoulders and pooling on your lap, exposing the last sheer piece that still covered you.

From this close, he could see every little detail of your tits, all the freckles, little veins and the colour of your nipples.

“So you are going to behave like a brat until I give you what you want?” he asked, unable to stop the little quip.

You fell inti silence, and Steve looked up at your face, worried that he had overstepped. Instead of finding you annoyed, however, you were flushed on the face, and shrugged while pouting.

“Maybe,” you decided, squirming and reaching for his hands, placing them on your tits again.

He scowled a little to himself, cock throbbing in his pants with the idea of punishing you for being so impatient. You were probably used to being given what you wanted… he really should teach you patience.

Steve hummed to himself, running his thumbs over your nipples, caressing them in soft circles and pinching them, earning a whine from you, and he kissed the middle of your chest before finally giving in to his urges and nibbling on your skin, and you arched yourself in his face’s direction, moving your hands to your back and taking the pice off already.

He chuckled.

“Aww,” he feigned disappointment. “I was having fun teasing you.”

You tossed your bralette over your shoulder and pulled what was left of your dress away from your bod, and smirked.

“Am I in trouble, professor?” you mocked.

Steve clenched his teeth, and his hands tingled to slap you right on the ass.

“Don’t make me spank you before we have discussed it.”

You giggled, and moved to kiss his lips again, and he finally decided to give up on teasing you, and pushed his hands up your body, squeezing your breasts and pinching your nipples, pulling away from your lips to kiss them.

The moment he sucked on the bottom of your breast, nosing your nipple, you cried out, and arched your hips to, just as his hands skimmed down your stomach, slowly teasing your thigh and finally dipping his fingers into your cunt.

You were so wet that his fingers received an easy and snug welcome as he pushed two of them into you, curling them and using his fingertips to find the sweet spot inside.

“Steve,” you moaned.

“Here?” he spoke, almost teasingly.

You moaned, and he fucked you with his fingers, raising his thumb and rolling your clit with it.

“Yes,” you raised your hips. “There, Steve.”

Steve moved his lips to your nipples as he continued with his hand, sucking and biting until your nipple was hard and pebbled, and moved to your other breast to do the same thing.

He looked up at your face when you moaned a little louder, and kissed you when you reached for him again, noses bump and lips hovering over his.

“Right there,” you panted, fingers clenching on his shoulder, moving along with his touching.

He kissed your chin, watching your face, growing hungry. The way your lips were parted, and your eyes were closed, and the soft whines leaving your lips even when you weren’t actively moaning, were one of the hottest thing he had ever heard.

“Like this?” he asked, thumb a little firmer on your clit.

“Faster,” you moaned.

Steve complied, and smiled proudly to himself when you moaned a little louder, clenching your fingers on his shoulder and quivering as your walls squeezed his fingers, the sound of his fingers in your wetness driving him even madder.

“You’re gonna cum, pretty girl?” he whispered into your lips.

Your walls squeezed him tight, and he looked at your face, intrigued.

“You look so pretty like this,” he rubbed his nose against yours, earning a long moan from you. “Naked over me, all flushed, so confident, knowing what you want… so gorgeously perfect.”

Your moans increased, and he moved his free hand to your cunt, using it to play with your clit with a little more focused.

“Do you like it?” he fucked you faster. “When I tell you how pretty you are? How hot you look riding my fingers?”

You nodded.

“Yes, Steve,” you cried softly.

“Of course you do, baby,” he kissed your chin. “Cause you look so pretty when you are about to cum, my little doctor. Makes me want to throw you on the bed and make you cum again and again and again with my mouth on your pretty cunt.”

Your walls squeezed his fingers tighter, and you moaned louder, reaching your orgasm on top of him.

You were still panting, and he was still fingering you when Steve felt your fingers undoing his belt, and raised his hips to let you take off his pants, and hummed when you pulled his cock from his pants, closing his eyes when you wrapped your fingers around it.

“Let’s get to the bed,” he pressed a little peck to your lips, taking his fingers from inside you.

You tightened your grip around his length before he could move much, and placed soft kisses on his neck, biting his earlobe gently.

“We can do it on the bed tomorrow,” you stroked him.

Steve’s exhaled, closing his eyes, and your fingers brushed against the head of his cock.

“Tomorrow?” he bit your lower lip.

You hummed positively, pressing soft pecks to his fingers.

“Tomorrow,” you promised him, reaching for his pocket. “Want you here…”

He took the condom pack from his pocket and looked down to watch you pulling one from inside with your free hand before giving it to him.

It took him quite a bit of concentrating and focusing his thoughts into the right place to break the foil package and a lot of willpower to wrap his fingers around your wrist to pull your hand away from his dick.

“I need to put the condom on,” he moaned as you dragged your touch all the way up to the top, stroking his cock head.

“Okay,” you mumbled.

Steve breathed in deep as he rolled the condom onto himself, feeling your lips kissing and sucking his neck, hungry and impatiently patient.

Your small hand moved to his balls, caressing them, and Steve couldn’t help the moan that left his lips.

“Y/N,” he closed his eyes.

“Are you done?” you asked, far too soft for someone who was working her full focus to drive him mad.

“Done,” he moved his hands to your hips, lifting you up. “You bratty minx.”

You giggled and reached for his cock again, stroking him.

“Do we need the lube?” you pressed his head to your folds.

You sank slowly onto his cock, pussy entrance slowly wrapping around his head.

“It’s always good,” he picked the bottle, pulling away and letting it dribble over the condom, feeling you spreading it for a moment before pushing his cock into your cunt again, and you sank a little more, moaning, wet cunt fitting around him in a snug grip.

You moaned against his ear, slowly sitting on his cock, and he turned his face, making you raise yours, and pressed a little kiss to your lips.

“Tell me how you feel,” he whispered.

You panted, sinking a little more and pulling your hips back.

“Feel good,” you whispered into his lips. “You’re big.”

He chuckled a bit.

“It’s not too much?” he caressed your thighs.

You shook your head.

“It’s good,” you moved back, starting to ride him. "So good."

Slowly, through moans and kisses, Steve bottomed out inside you, thick cock welcomed by your warm and wet cunt, and helped you by holding your hips as you moved up and down, tits bouncing in front of his eyes, and he couldn’t help himself, sucking and biting on your nipples.

Soon enough, he was moaning along with you and throbbing inside you, with all the pent-up energy from being teased by you making his blood boil and his orgasm far too close.

Steve reached between your legs and rubbed your clit in circles, determined to bring another orgasm from you before letting himself over the edge, and closed his eyes when you let out a louder moan.

“Cum with me,” he requested, breathless, as you moved over him. “Wanna feel you before I do.”

You nodded, falling with your head on his shoulder and moaning against his skin.

It took you just a couple of minutes to start squeezing his cock and making the perfect little sounds he had been eager to hear. Finally, you cried out in pleasure, pussy squeezing his cock, and Steve let himself get over the edge then, milked by you.

You continued to ride him until he pulled you to press his lips to yours, and put your arms around his shoulders as he did. Steve kissed you passionately, slowly growing calmer and softer. By the time he pulled away from you, the two of you were breathing slowly just seated chest to chest, and you sighed when he moved his fingers to your hair, gently caressing the soft locks.

Slowly, he pulled his cock from inside you before he was soft, and you climbed off of his lap, resting your head on the seat as he stood up, taking off the condom and trying it up, giving your lips a peck before rushing out to the bathroom to discard it and clean himself quickly.

He had just opened the door when he glanced at your bedroom door, where you were standing and waiting for him.

“Bed now?” he asked, smiling a bit.

“Bed now,” you told him.

He watched his hand and walked inside, following you, and sat on the bed when you walked into your bathroom closing the door and leaving him on his own for a little over a minute, coming back quickly, and you sat naked by his side.

“And you are wearing jeans to bed?” you arched him an eyebrow.

Steve chuckled, standing up and taking off his shirt, tossing it on the bed and smirking when you picked it up and folded it, walking to the nearest chair and leaving it there. He took off his pants and gave them to you, waiting on his feet for you, and chuckled again when you reached into his pocket and placed the condoms on the bedside table before laying on the bed.

“Are you coming?” you asked.

Steve shook his head, but lied by your side, kissing your forehead before you moved to spoon him, embracing him from behind you and resting your head on his shoulder.

It had taken over 30 years to realise he liked being the little spoon, and you loved being the big spoon.

You two were, indeed, a good match.

“Good night,” he pulled your hand up, kissing your knuckles.

“Good night,” you whispered.

He relaxed, letting himself fall into sleep.

Yes, this was very nice.

. .

"Miss, PhD" was posted on my Patreon back on January! To read the full story before anyone else and have early access to all of my works, subscribe to my page! It's just $2 a month!

. . .

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Marvel forever tags: @its-daydreamer23 @random-fandom-fangirl2112 @tayrae515imagines? @indecisiondecisions? @afanofmanystuffs? @patzammit? @thevanishedillusion? @widowsfics? @alexisshoto @princess-evans-addict @dreams-of-feysand @xoxabs88xox @dragonqueen0606 @izbelross @isabelle-faith

Miss PhD: @cosmic-darikano

#Miss PhD series #steve rogers #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers fanfic #steve rogers fic #steve rogers fluff #steve rogers smut #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x reader fanfiction #steve rogers x reader fic #steve rogers x reader fanfic #steve rogers x reader fluff #steve rogers x reader smut #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x you fanfiction #steve rogers x you fanfic #steve rogers x you fic #steve rogers x you smut #steve rogers x you fluff

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rhoorl · 6 months

Text

Week in Review | Nov. 5

It’s kind of hard to believe Halloween was this past week, right? If you celebrated, I hope you had fun. I had a very enthusiastic little helper with me to help pass out candy. It routinely cracks me up how two introverts made an extrovert, but here we are.

This week, Mr. Rhoorl and I bid adieu to our beloved TLOU Halloween Horror Nights house. It was such a fun event and I loved seeing Joel 😉. We don’t get out much just the two of us, so those were special nights for sure. Now we transition to seeing all of the fun holiday celebrations at the various theme parks around us.

I didn’t read as much as I wanted to this week, my TBR list is growing more and more unmanageable by the day 😆 But alas, here's the week in review starting out with what I read.

Fics I read this week:

Frankie Morales

The Pilot and His Girl by @avastrasposts - I finally caught up on the last chapter and it was literally everything I wanted! I’ve been following along with this story for months and have felt every emotion throughout the journey. I just love this story so so much and Mel did a fantastic job weaving the TF world into TLOU.

Javier Peña

the angel + the devil by @undercoverpena - This is a fun little Halloween extra in the Late Night Text series I loved so much. This couple is just the cutest and Javi is still a menace!

Unworthy by @morallyinept - Jett’s giflets are so good (there’s a Marcus Moreno one I have my eyes on to read this week)! I’m continually in awe at what emotions she can elicit in less than 500 words. I went through a bit of a rollercoaster reading this one (in the best way!)

Marcus Pike

Headshots by @secretelephanttattoo - The fourth installment in this series was seriously everything I wanted. Marcus fics are like a warm hug and El writes him so well!

Joel Miller

Strings by @trulybetty - The way I devoured this series in a day! This was such a beautiful story of two people who found comfort in one another. Apologies for the spam reblogs that day Betty, but I couldn’t get enough!

Dieter Bravo

Broadcasting Live Tonight by @morallyinept - I still haven’t fully recovered from Pedro’s surprise appearance on SNL and stuff like this doesn’t help 😆 This one-shot follows Dieter as he hosts SNL.

Props To

A big congratulations to @trulybetty on her Autumnal Offerings series. It was so fun to follow along all month with the various prompts. Although I am biased with Sequins!Joel, I loved the little glimpses of Marcus, Frankie, Dieter, Tim, and others throughout the month.

Current Compulsory Series:

These are the series I am keeping up with at the moment. Delta Palms Tropical Resort (Frankie) by @linzels-blog

I Like the Way You (Frankie) by @undercoverpena

Destiny & Deliverance (Dieter) by @mysterious-moonstruck-musings

Paranoid Heat (Javi P) by @goodwithcheese

It’s Never Too Late (Javi P) by @javierpena-inatacvest Madeline! I’m so behind but I want to catch up on this soon!

Posts from the week:

The Catfish Pond PhD Program is still going strong. If you missed it, here’s Module 7 from Professor @legendary-pink-dot.

As much as I love the fanfic part of this site, I equally love the fan art side! @perennialdoll247 captured Javi so beautifully here!

Feral corner:

Want some Javi P thots? Read this post from @beabliss (and subsequent reblogs) about things he’d say to you.

I didn’t do a great job of keeping track of the feralness from the week. I am in the midst of working on a 2024 Pedro calendar for my desk, so I’ve been saving a lot of photos 😂

Things I watched:

I got it in under the wire, but I did watch Hocus Pocus. We had it on while the trick-or-treaters were going around. I really love that movie. On the TV front, my trash TV shows are in full swing so I’ve been enjoying those when I can.

Today I am finally going to the movies after several weeks away. I’m going to go see The Marsh King’s Daughter. Why? Because Garrett Hedlund is in it. I have no shame. Speaking of Garrett, he released a single this week for the Desperation Road movie he was in.

Personal Stuff

Putting this here as part of accountability to myself - week two of my health journey is in the books! Things have been going well on that front because I can actually see progress. The holidays are a bit tricky, but I'm hoping to have some solid routines and habits down by then.

Fic updates:

Apparently, it was smut week for me. I posted a Benny Miller one-shot, Are You on Mute? and then Chapter 16 of Working Title. Thank you to everyone who’s been sticking with me on that one, I think to say it was a slow burn is an understatement when it takes 16 damn chapters lol 🫢 But, hopefully, it was worth it.

Delta Landscaping Chapter 9 is coming along and should be posted this week (maybe tomorrow if I can get my act together). I did take some time this week to get myself organized, so hopefully, that will help me with subsequent updates. Doing two fics at the same time is a bit more than I bargained for!

Thank you as always for reading and interacting. I hope you find a reason to smile this week 🙂

Masterlists

Working Title (Dieter, series, ongoing) | AO3

Delta Landscaping (Triple Frontier, series, ongoing) | AO3

Turbulence (Frankie, one-shot) | AO3 Are You on Mute? (Benny Miller, one-shot) | AO3

#rhoorl week in review #rhoorl fic rec #pedro pascal fanfiction

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morose-magnetrix · 3 months

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Hi I saw that you’re a big Lorna Dane fan and that you’ve read a lot of her comics. Do you have a recommended reading list for her?

Hey there! 💚🧲 Thanks for the ask!

I use Travis Starnes’ reading order for my Polaris-athon (https://cmro.travis-starnes.com/character_details.php?character=426) but if you’re just wanting to get into her stories it’s way too much tbh. She has a lot of appearances and it can be difficult to sort through the meaningful ones and the ones where she’s just on the page as a recognizable cameo.

I haven’t managed to read all of her appearances yet - I’ve gotten up to the early 90s, and I’ve read most of her appearances from, like, 2016 onwards. I’m a little behind on Fall of X as well. So there likely are going to be some gaps here, but this would be my recommended reading list for Polaris 🧲 :

Krakoan Age (2019-)

this is the golden age for Polaris in my opinion, and where I’d honestly recommend you start reading!

Leah Williams’ X-Factor: This is where the modern revitalization of Polaris into the It Girl of Krakoa really begins. There is controversy surrounding the final issue of the series due to Prodigy's storyline (see here, here, and here for more info), but overall I really love this run. It’s very queer and does a great job of taking Polaris’ spotty characterization and having her begin a journey of self discovery.

Gerry Duggan’s X-Men: Gerry follows up on Leah’s work here and Polaris really starts to shine. Issue #5 is a standout and a personal favorite, if you only read one issue, it should be this one. She’s in vol. 1 as a main member of the team, and the spin offs from this period (Devil’s Reign X-Men and Death of Doctor Strange: X-Men/Black Knight) are really fun. Plus, Pepe Larraz’s redesign of her for this book is STUNNING.

Alex Segura's 'Control' arc in X-Men Unlimited (#96-99) : this is exclusive to the Marvel Unlimited app, but it’s really great. Lorna’s a cameo queen after leaving Gerry’s book, so it’s a nice centering of her and revisits some of her greatest villains.

Steve Orlando’s Scarlet Witch: Issue #3 is a must read in my opinion, particularly if you’re interested in Lorna’s relationship with her family (it builds off of Williams’ Trial of Magneto, which I love and establishes her PhD, but ultimately I think you can probably skip, it’s more of a Wanda focus).

The Lost Era (2010s)

This is the time period following the Decimation, where a lot of stories... tread water, tbh! Nothing here is essential reading for Polaris.

Lorna spends a lot of this era in the hands of Peter David, who is a vile scum sack of a person (see here for an example). I've read All New X-Factor (2014), where he characterizes her as someone who is completely unhinged and a danger to animals. It's not a fun time tbh. And again, it's Peter David - so I would skip this. You aren't missing much.

Cullen Bunn's X-Men Blue (2017): I've only read the first arc of this run, but it focuses on the time-displaced O5 X-Men (Jean, Warren, Scott, Bobby, Hank). Magneto is mentoring them, so Polaris steps in to keep him from making them too ~evil~. I haven't heard anything good or bad about her appearances in this book, so I can't really recommend one way or another. It's probably safe to skip.

Ed Brisson's Uncanny X-Men (2018): Again, I haven't read this one yet! It's the lead up to the Age of X-Man event, where she also appears. Similarly to X-Men Blue, I haven't really heard anything good or bad about this one. You can skip it if you'd like, it's right before Krakoa pops off which is a soft reboot from the entire franchise.

Decimation Era (2000s)

John Byrne's X-Men the Hidden Years: I haven't read this either yet, but I know some people really like it. It fleshes out a lot of the Silver Age stuff, and it's where Polaris uses the codename Magnetrix (where I got my blog name from lol).

Apocalypse: the Twelve: I have not read this. I have heard only bad things about it lmao. Polaris and Magneto are part of a prophecy about defeating Apocalypse, but it doesn't turn out the way they expect. Skip.

Grant Morrison's New X-Men #132: A transformative issue for Polaris and a HUGE milestone in her character. It deals with the Genoshan genocide, of which Polaris was one of the few survivors. Highly recommend.

Chuck Austen's Uncanny X-Men: So this run is very ~your mileage may vary~ - I haven't read it yet myself. BUT from what I know, Austen really builds on Morrison's trauma that they gave to Lorna, and really takes her away from the assimilationist characterization Peter David gave her. Plus, it has the iconic Magneto wedding dress panel (Uncanny X-Men (1981) #426)

House of M (2005): she's in it, she doesn't really do much! Skip.

Peter Milligan's X-Men: Polaris becomes Pestilence, the horseman of Apocalypse in the Blood of Apocalypse arc beginning in X-Men (1991) #181. I haven't read it, but tbh most Apocalypse storylines between the original X-Factor arc and the Krakoan age are bad, so it's probably safe to skip.

After her spin as Pestilence, Lorna goes to space and joins the Starjammers. I haven't read this yet either, but it seems like fun! Relevant titles would be Uncanny X-Men (1981) Rise and Fall of the Shi'Ar Empire (#475-486), X-Men: Emperor Vulcan #1-5 (2007), and then the War of Kings (2009) event.

1990s

Skip this entire era. She's basically just in Peter David's original run on X-Factor (1986). The artwork is pretty, but the writing comes off as very male gaze-y to me and her character arc is somewhat repetitive.

X-Factor (1986) #186 (eXaminations) is famous for being an in-depth character study of the entire team. It's where we first see Lorna's eating disorder pop up. It's well done, just, well - fuck the writer lol.

Claremont Run (1975-1980s)

Lorna's storyline is overall a little confusing and hard to follow in the Claremont era, mostly because she is a) mind-controlled for most of it and b) not the main plot. So she ends up appearing in random issues, sometimes gone for huge lengths at a time, and then reappears. It's really clear that Chris was interested in working with this character and had some great ideas for her, but she was never one of his main blorbos.

These are the issues you should check out:

Giant Size X-Men (1975): Claremont didn't write this, Len Wein did, but this is really the start of the Claremont run. It has some cool moments for Polaris, including an early example of a mutant circuit between her and Storm!

X-Men (1963) #97: Lorna and Havok are mind-controlled by Erik the Red (don't worry about it) to fight the X-Men.

X-Men (1963) #125-129: the Proteus arc, Lorna is on Muir island with Havok and helps out. Nothing super critical happens, she just sorta vibes (and enjoys not being mind controlled).

Uncanny X-Men (1981) #145-146: Arcade has kidnapped loved ones of the X-Men, tbh I would recommend reading this just for Polaris' outfit. It's this witchy purple thing that is INCREDIBLE.

Uncanny X-Men (1981) #218-219, 221-222, 239-241, 243, X-Factor (1986) #39: Polaris is possessed by Malice, so now she's fighting against the X-Men... and working for Sinister! It's not technically her, but it's iconic and is a prime example of a running motif of possession for her.

Uncanny X-Men (1981) #249-250: ZALADANE! An iconic retcon, we meet Lorna's long lost sister (again).

Uncanny X-Men (1981) #253-255, 257-258, 269, X-Factor (1986) #69, Uncanny X-Men (1981) #280, X-Factor (1986) #70: Big!Lorna and the Muir Island saga. It's very weird! But I love big!Lorna and her muscles, so we stan. This is also the very weird end of Chris Claremont's main run on the X-Men, where it's very clear the plots got messed with in the wrap-up.

After this, Peter David takes over X-Factor, and he's garbage!

The Silver Age (1960s)

So this is Lorna's debut era, she's an OG member of the X-Men! Unfortunately even here, they never quite know what to do with her. She's very much intended to function as Bobby's love interest, which... doesn't really work out lmao. But I do think this era is fun to read, especially knowing what retcons they're going to build out later on for her, particularly with regards to Magneto.

She's not in too many issues:

Arnold Drake's X-Men (1963) #49-52: Lorna's first appearance! It's super fun, definitely check it out.

Linda Fite's X-Men (1963) #57: Lorna fights a sentinel!

Roy Thomas's X-Men (1963) #58-62: Some more fun moments - Kazar/Sauron arc, and the first appearance of Havok!

Dennis O'Neil's X-Men (1963) #65-66: The Z'nox invasion, Lorna has some cool moments here. Still no codename tho lol.

I'll try to update this as I fill in my gaps, but happy reading!! 🧲💚

#asks #answered asks #lorna dane #polaris #x-men #marvel reading order #polaris reading order #shoutout to cerebro for helping me contextualize all her appearances #connor does the lords work #marvel comics

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builtbybrokenbells · 1 year

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Spitfire | vi

Rumours spread around the internet, causing turmoil like never before. In a desperate attempt to forget,y/n takes solace in the bar, making it a mission to forget him completely. Jake is left wondering if he’ll ever get a chance to explain himself. When her roommates try to do damage control, they’re left wondering if the Twitter feed and speculation is really the biggest issue, or her way of covering up her crippling fear of falling in love.

Read part five here

Read part seven here

Pairing: jake kiszka x f!reader

Word count: 7.5k

Warnings: cheating/cheating rumours, Twitter, binge drinking, unhealthy coping mechanisms, lots of angst, crying, like a 2 second mention of throwing up (very short because i hate throwing up with a violent passion), basically this whole chapter is an angsty shitshow because I live for drama, sorry if I missed any!

so obvi i had to throw in some heartbreak to offset all the fluffy happiness, cause that’s just who i am. lots of projection in this one (hey, at least I’m owning up to my flaws) but this is just an angsty mess before we get to a happy ending cause I wanted to showcase how detrimental the internet/social media can be and how bad ldr sucks 😁 as always, enjoy, be kind, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes 🫶🏻 (also thank you all so much for the love on this series. im having a lot of fun writing it and it overjoys me to see that other people like it, too)

Your feet carried you to the living room, speed faster than you’d ever ran before. When you turned the corner of the hallway, your footing slipped and you had to brace yourself on the wall. Eve was sprawled on the couch. She looked to you, eyes wide with panic, scared that something bad happened. “What has got you all riled up?” She threw her phone beside her, sitting upright.

“I-I, uh, I just…” you were breathless, heart pounding in your chest as you tried to formulate your words. “The… t-the-“

“Just fucking spit it out!” She laughed, clearly understanding that your rapid approach was due to good news rather than bad.

“Okay, sorry.” You ran your hand through your hair, pushing it away from your face. “I think I’m gonna throw up.” You laughed, fanning your face with your hands. Tears were threatening to spill over, and your skin was prickling with excitement. “So I started my internship on Monday, right?”

“Yeah, I know.” She said, waiting for an explanation.

“And I met everyone in the ‘office’.” You air-quoted office, knowing you’d only interact with them over zoom meetings for the four month duration. “But I met the head of the department today, the big boss.” She gave an eager nod. “He told me that he read over my research report. He said it was one of the best he’s ever read.”

“No way!” Eve was standing now, bouncing with just as much enthusiasm.

“Yeah, but that’s not it.” You stopped her. “I mean yeah, that’s fantastic, but it’s way better than that.” You felt the tears begin to roll down your cheeks, too caught up in the situation to care. “He wants to continue on with it. He told me he thinks the idea is fantastic and worth the money. I’m not going to be working on, or following up somebody else’s research this summer. They want to work on mine.” Her eyes were wide, her previous demeanour completely frozen. After a few seconds, she exploded into a scream and engulfed you into a hug. You held on to her, wanting to yell just as badly. “Can you punch me? Just to make sure I’m not dreaming?”

She pulled back, shaking her head and wiping your tears away. “Not a dream.” She laughed, pulling you in for another embrace. “Y/n, they picked your topic from an undergraduate, not even a masters or a PhD. Do you know how huge that is?”

“I know! He told me he’s been waiting to work with me since the end of my first year. Apparently I’m the at the top of the program.” You were almost lightheaded, not being able to process what was happening.

“I’m so proud of you.” She said, taking your hands into hers. She gave them a squeeze, bringing you back to reality. “Did you tell anyone else?” You shook your head.

“No, I was going to text the sibling group chat and get it all over at once. I want to call Jake, but I’m just not sure if he’s busy or not.” You explained.

“Call him! If he’s busy, he won’t answer. I think this is way too important to wait to tell him.” She encouraged you.

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m gonna… I’ll go call him.” You breathed.

“Okay, but I’m taking you to dinner tonight to celebrate. We’ll go to The Garden, maybe get some drinks afterwards. It is Friday, after all.”

“Yeah, that sounds amazing. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” You assured her.

“Good, now go call your loverboy.” She shooed you away. You jogged back to your room, letting the door fall shut behind you.

It had been almost two weeks since Jake left, meaning that your trip to Atlanta was right around the corner. Your brothers left the week prior, leaving your home quieter than you liked it. It was amazing having everyone there, but it was terrible when they all had to leave. You were adjusting, though, and knowing you were going to see Jake in a few days was really helping.

You slipped on the hoodie he’d so graciously left for you, and found the bottle of cologne, giving the front a small spritz. The smell immediately swarmed your senses, making you close your eyes in bliss. When your end of day meetings came to a close, you practically lived in his sweater. Him being gone this time was a little easier now that you had small reminders of him. You pulled your phone out, dialling his number off by heart. Your hands were vibrating as you clicked the speakerphone button. The dial tone rang a few times, but you couldn’t help but hope he’d pick up. You tapped your fingers on the wood of your desk, trying to remember if he told you he had a show or an interview that day.

“Hey, it’s Jake. Leave a message.” Your stomach sank with disappointment, but you didn’t let it last too long.

“Hey, rockstar. Big news, call me as soon as you can. Love you.” You didn’t let the voicemail linger, ending the call as soon as you finished speaking. As you stared at the screen of your phone, you realized you hadn’t heard from Jake since the night before. It was very strange of him not to send a good morning text, but you were so busy with work meetings all day you hadn’t picked up your phone at all.

You debated calling again, but decided against it. Instead, you went to your contact list and clicked on Josh’s name. You were expecting the same empty tone, but you were surprised when he answered after the first ring. “Hey, mama.” His usually happy tone was so comfortably familiar.

“Hey, Josh.” You couldn’t help but smile. Josh had rapidly become another brother to you, just the same as Sam and Danny.

“What could I have possibly done to deserve a call from such an angel?” You rolled your eyes, a laugh making its way out. Josh was a very verbal person, and extremely friendly, too. At first, you were a bit thrown off by his strong compliments, but you’d gotten over it quite quickly once you realized Jake never batted an eye about it. Clearly there was a lot of mutual trust between the two.

“Just missed your sweet voice, is all.” You joked. He let out a small chuckle.

“You’re too kind,” he said “but really, what’s up? Usually I’m the one calling you.”

“Don’t say it like that, that makes me sound like an asshole.” You replied.

“You know what I mean.” You could practically hear his eye roll through the phone.

“I know,” you assured him. “I was just calling to see if you knew where Jake was. I haven’t heard from him all day and I got some pretty big news. I called to tell him and he didn’t answer. I thought maybe you were all doing rockstar stuff, but it seems like you were waiting around for someone to call you.” You teased.

“Maybe I just drop everything to talk to you. Have you thought about that?”

“Whatever you say, Joshua.”

“To answer your question, I have no idea where he is. Today is kind of a day off, I guess. We’ve got a meeting tonight, but that’s more of us just hanging out with the managers.”

“Oh, that’s weird, then.” You said, uneasiness sprouting in your stomach.

“He could be asleep, or in music writing mode. I’ll get to the bottom of it for you.” He promised.

“Thanks, super-sleuth.” You laughed.

“What’s your big news?” Josh asked, changing the subject. You didn’t think the topic change was suspicious, more or less just Josh being nosy.

“I don’t know if Jake would forgive me if I told you first.” You were being honest. Jake wanted to be your biggest supporter, and you didn’t know if you telling Josh first would cause any issues. The last thing you wanted to do was hurt him.

“Ah, come on, mama. He didn’t answer, so it’s his loss. Besides, we’re practically the same person. Same DNA and all, you know?”

“I don’t think that makes you the same person, honey.” You giggled. “I think you just want to know.”

“Duh,” he scoffed “I won’t tell him, I promise. I’m really good with secrets.” Somehow, you weren’t sure if you believed him. But you were so excited about your accomplishment that you were itching to tell anyone who was willing to listen.

“Fine, okay, but promise you won’t say anything.”

“I won’t, I swear!” You could hear the giddiness in his voice.

“Okay, I’ll hold you to it, then.” You told him. “Basically, I started my summer internship with the biotechnology society this week. Today I met the head of the department and he told me he’s been wanting to work with me for a long time. He read my report about non-invasive blood-glucose tests and he wants to take it a step further. He thinks it’s worth the time and money.” You rushed out, feeling the excitement take over again.

“Y/n, that is fantastic!” He said. You could feel his smile in his words. One thing you adored about the four boys is that they all seemed incredibly genuine.

“Thank you, Josh. It’s super cool. Usually they only study graduate topics, but I guess he thinks I have what it takes.” You breathed, barely believing your own words.

“You absolutely have what it takes, mama, and Jake is going to be over the moon when you tell him.” You felt a smile break out on your lips.

“Thank you.” You really meant it. Jake and his brothers were always seemed so proud of you, and it made you feel so important. “I can’t wait to see you guys this weekend.”

“We’re really looking forward to it, too. Jake’s been so uptight when we practice because he wants to impress you at the show. It’s starting to get unbearable.” You couldn’t help but laugh, shaking your head in disbelief as if he could see you.

“I’m going to be the biggest fan there, even if he forgets how to play every song.”

“I know that, y/n. He just wants to show off for you. I, on the other hand, don’t have to practice. I already know I’ll win you over.” You rolled your eyes.

“Uh-huh,”

“Oh come on, what’s the matter with a little brotherly competition?” He joked.

“It seems more like a pissing contest.” You said. “Well, as nice as it’s been talking to you, I must go call my own brothers and tell them the news. They’ll be really upset if they find out I told you, first.”

“Like I said, my lips are sealed.” He promised. “I’m really happy for you, y/n.” His earlier tone of humour was gone, replaced with sincerity.

“Thank you, and thanks for picking up.” You said.

“As if I’d ignore you. I’ll find out what’s up with Jake and let you know. Talk soon?”

“Of course. Talk to you later, Josh.” You bid your goodbye. He hung up first, leaving you staring at the blank screen. Worry started to consume you, unsure of what Jake could be up to. The radio silence was extremely strange.

Before calling your own siblings, you decided to jump in the shower. You connected to your Bluetooth speaker, playing music softly in the background as you undressed and turned the faucet on. You climbed in, humming softly to the first song that came up on shuffle. You washed your hair and worked at getting all of the knots out. You took your time washing your body, letting the hot water sooth your stiffness from sitting in an office chair all day. You even took the time to exfoliate and shave. When you stepped out, you felt like a new person. You dried off, wrapping your hair in a towel, and throwing on an oversized t-shit and some sweatpants.

You went back to your room and threw your old clothes in your laundry basket. As you sat on the edge of your bed, your phone chimed from beside you. Your eyes fell on the screen, trying to make out who the message was from. Josh’s name was showing in the notification bar, so you picked it up to read what he said.

Twin Rockstar

Hey, checked on Jake. Don’t think he’s in his room. Will let you know when I find him :)

You typed a quick reply before clicking on your brothers contact. You figured you shouldn’t put off telling them the news any longer, and Sam would be the most likely to answer. You told him you needed him to call you ASAP, throwing your phone back on the mattress. You got up, moving to the closet and scouring through your heaps of clothes. Your hands settled on a simple red dress. Enough to look classy, but not enough to catch too much attention. You threw it on, spritzing some perfume and throwing on some deodorant. As you took your hair down to dry, you started on your makeup. You didn’t put on too much, just enough to accentuate your features.

You finished with swiping on the same lipstick you’d worn the night you met Jake. It was your favourite one before that night, but ever since it had caught his attention, it was the only one you liked to wear. Just as you were finishing up, your phone began to ring. You shuffled over, grabbing it off the mattress and accepting the video call. “Hello, Samuel.” You said, looking over his face.

“So you saw it, too?” He asked, forgoing any type of greeting. You raised an eyebrow, confused at what he could be talking about. He watched you carefully, quickly realizing that you did not want to call him for the same reason. “Oh, nothing.” He said, sheepishly. Your eyes hardened, not willing to play the game with him. He’d always done that; start a sentence or a story and try to change topics. Usually it was only when something bad happened. He hated giving bad news.

“What, Sam?” You pried, waiting for him to give in.

“Nothing, y/n. It was probably just a rumour anyway.”

“Just tell me, please.” You sighed. He shifted uncomfortably under your stare, but eventually conceded.

“I saw something. It’s probably nothing, I just thought you saw it, too, and that’s why you wanted me to call. You never send an urgent message.”

“What did you see, Sam?” Your stomach was twisting with anxiety the more the conversation went on. He let out a jumble of words that you had a hard time understanding. When you gave him a look of confusion, he rolled his eyes.

“I was doing my daily routine of stalking everyone on the internet.” He said, seeming to have trouble with how he was going to word his sentences. Leave it to Sam to spend an hour a day to catch up on everyone else’s drama. “And I saw a couple posts, a-and I think it’s just speculation and rumours,” he led into the topic as easy as he could. “But there’s a couple pictures of Jake going around. With another girl. And everybody thinks it’s a possible girlfriend.” He breathed. Your stomach dropped, but you held your expression firm, not letting a hint of emotion through.

“Oh, okay.” Was all you said. You tried to reason with yourself, wanting to believe that it was just a misunderstanding. Then, your brain immediately focused on the fact that you hadn’t heard from him all day, which was extremely unusual. That, and he hadn’t even told his brothers where he was. You were certain if Josh was lying to you, you’d be able to tell. He wasn’t very good at it. “Can you send me them?” You asked, clearing your throat to get rid of the lump that was forming.

“I’m sure it’s nothing, squirt. I wouldn’t worry too much about it.” His attempt at deflecting the impact was failing miserably.

“Just send them to me, Sam.” Your tone was becoming more angry by the second. He let out a long sigh, but did so without another word. The incoming message popped up on the top of your phone, immediately drawing your attention. You clicked on it, the aforementioned pictures unpleasantly gracing your screen. You tapped on the screenshot, zooming in a little bit to get a closer look.

There he was, unmistakably Jake, sitting at a restaurant table across from an unknown girl. There was a familiar smile on his face, one that made you sick when you thought about him giving it to another girl. You swiped through the photos, quickly finding that it was a whole Twitter chain. ‘Damn, his fans are always on top of the game’ you thought to yourself. There was pictures of them eating together, one with his hand resting on her arm, one of them walking down the street a little too close for comfort, and the last one of her wearing his jacket. You felt an indescribable feeling wash over you.

You read through the comments of fans talking about seeing it, how pretty she was, how happy he looked, and some not so nice tweets. You couldn’t help but feel a small comfort at the unsupportive statements. Your rationale was completely gone now, filled with anger at the sight. More than anything, you felt like an idiot. You fell for him so hard, but he was a boy, and a rockstar, at that. You had no idea why you believed a insignificant girl in Baltimore could tie him down. He probably had a new girl falling for him in every city he visited. Panic started to seep in, realizing that everything you were afraid seemed to be coming true. The look in his eye when he was smiling at her sent a shiver down your spine. It was so similar to how he looked at you.

There was a small part of you insisting there must be more to the story. A bigger, louder part of you didn’t care. Your trust for men and significant others was already extremely low before you met him. You’d spent a lifetime getting treated like garbage and cheated on, and even if this wasn’t the case, you weren’t sure if you even wanted to know. It was easier for you to shut down, to draw the conclusion that boys would always be boys. Although the photos weren’t a tell-all, they certainly didn’t make you feel good when you looked at them. A tiny voice in your brain was telling you that you were being irrational, and that you were doing what you always did; you were using this as a scapegoat to jump ship before you got seriously hurt. Self-destruction was a very well acquainted friend of yours, but you thought you’d left it behind a long time ago.

You took a long, shaky breath before speaking again. “I gotta go.” You mumbled, not giving Sam any time to answer. You hung up, completely forgetting about the real reason you wanted him to call you. You turned your phone on silent, throwing on an old jean jacket. You slung your purse over your shoulder, making sure you had everything you needed before you walked out of your bedroom.

The door slammed behind you with enough force to rattle the wall beside it.

As you made your way down the hallway, your jaw was clenched hard enough to made your head ache. Another classic move of yours; burying the sadness in anger. You tried to break out of it your whole life, but having four hotheaded brothers that loved to pick on you made the emotion permanent. Eve peeked her head around the corner to see what created the loud noise, but recoiled at the look on your face. You walked past her, not able to even give a glance in her direction, scared if you did you would break down. You were sure Sam would tell her, anyway. You threw a pair of shoes on and disappeared through the front door as fast as you could. You knew where you were going, and nobody was going to stop you.

You made your way down the street, eyes set forward and unwavering. The tunnel vision made it easy to ignore all of the passerby’s. By the time you made it to the front door of your favourite bar, you were positively sick with despair. Your stomach was churning and your chest was aching. You wanted nothing more than to go home and cover yourself in blankets and sleep the pain away, but you were never so willing to let a boy ruin you. You pushed through the front door with such a force that everyone’s head turned to look at you once you stepped inside. You went straight to the bar, too determined to drink to pay any mind to them. You stopped once you got in front of the bar, pulling your card out. Mike approached you, giving you a look of curiosity.

“Awful early for you to be here. Usually you only drink before 8 if something serious happened.”

“Triple whiskey sour.” You muttered, in no mood to make conversation. “And two shots of fireball.” He eyed you with concern, but pulled the bottles out, anyway. He wasn’t worried that you couldn’t handle your liquor; he was worried about why you were itching to drink so badly.

“You okay?” He asked as he slid the shot glasses towards you. You took both back to back, ignoring the burning in your chest. It was nothing compared to the ache in your heart.

“Perfectly okay, Mike.” You promised. “Never been better, actually.” He handed you the solo cup, eyes never leaving your face.

“For some reason, I don’t know if I believe you.” He said, watching you take two long drinks out of the glass.

“Quit it with the concerned act. Business is business.” You scolded, mustering a small smile to lessen the blow of the harsh words. You tapped your debit card against the machine once he pushed it towards you, taking a seat in one of the chairs. Tonight was not a dancing night, you decided. You felt your phone vibrating in your purse. It hadn’t stopped since you left the house. You were sure it was Sam, and you cared so little that you didn’t even bother taking it out to check it.

Your first drink came to an end pretty fast, and Mike, knowing you well enough, kept a steady stream of refills in front of you. By the time 9 o’clock rolled around and the bar began to get busy, you were already hammered. The anger in your body was still raging, but you were drunk enough to bury it deep under the surface. Mike had got a bit more talking out of you as the time passed, only making his concern grow more. You were very elusive as to why you were so desperate to be intoxicated, making him believe that whatever the reason was, was really bad. He’d only seen you drink like that on a few occasions, and rarely ever did you go to the bar alone.

“I think you should answer your phone, darlin’.” Mike said, eyeing your purse on the counter as your phone vibrated. As he sat with you, he took note of all the calls you were ignoring.

“You can.” You giggled, nudging the bag towards him. He sighed, reminding you of your dad when he got upset. “I’m not worried about it.” He reluctantly opened your purse and took your phone out, figuring it was better to let your friends know you were alive. You were good enough friends with Mike for him to feel comfortable enough to answer your phone for you. It definitely wouldn’t have been the first time. He tapped the screen, lighting it up to reveal the extensive list of missed calls and texts.

“Eve sent you a bunch of question marks then asked where you went. She’s called you probably a million times. Sam is very worried about you and says he’s going to fly back here if you don’t answer him. Uh, whoever ‘twin rockstar’ is called and texted a few times. Ally called. And ‘Rockstar’ called you about… fifty times.” He listed off. All you could do was laugh. ‘Fuck Jake’, you thought to yourself.

“That’s nice. Can I get another shot with my next drink?” You asked.

“Y/n, you should at least tell Eve where you are.” You played with the straw in your cup, pretending not to hear him. He gave up, sliding your phone back to where it was before. After a moment, he obliged to your request, placing both drinks in front of you. You threw the shot back, feeling someone slide into the chair next to you as you placed the glass back down. You looked over, not recognizing the boy now in your company. You weren’t sure if you were too drunk to place the face, or if you’d never met him before.

“Hey,” he smiled at you. ‘Pretty smile’ you noted.

“Hi.” You replied, not really feeling up to making conversation. You kept your eyes on your drink, not willing to look up at him again.

“What are you drinking? I’ll buy you one.” You almost laughed out loud.

“No, thanks. I’m okay.” You told him, taking a long sip from your straw to avoid any further trouble.

“Why, you have a boyfriend?” He asked. It wasn’t harsh, more of a genuine inquiry. “He must be a lucky guy.” He spoke again before you could answer. You looked over to him, an unfamiliar feeling settling under your skin. You opened your mouth to respond, but you weren’t sure what to say.

“Uh, no, I don’t.” You decided in a split second. As the words came out of your mouth, it felt like someone had punched you in the stomach. “Not anymore, so I’m just not looking for anything.” You explained, gloom casting over you again.

“Sorry to hear that. He must be real stupid to let someone as pretty as you get away.” All you could do was chuckle at his statement. When silence ensued again, he took it upon himself to fill it. “If you change your mind, come and find me.” He quickly scribbled his number down on a bar napkin and slid it your way. Your eyes fell over it, almost finding it humorous. Once he got up and walked away, you handed it to Mike after ripping it in half.

“So dark and broody broke your heart?” Mike asked, tossing the paper in the garbage.

“Don’t say it like that. Makes him sound more important than he is. You have to love someone for them to break your heart.” You explained. Mike eyed you, a knowing look on his features.

“I think you’re lying to yourself, honey.” He said, handing you another shot. He was hyper-aware of your state, wanting to recognize when he needed to cut you off. “It’s okay to get hurt. Makes us human.”

“No lies and not human.” You told him, a sweet smile on your lips.

“Whatever you say.” He shook his head, moving on to serve the next customer. You lost yourself in the music playing over the speakers, finally seeming to rid yourself of the overwhelming emotions. Your face was hot and your body felt light. Your head was swimming with words, but none of them came together to make a worthwhile statement. The intoxication had reached a point where all of your inhibitions were gone; it was a dangerous situation for someone hurting so badly. Just because you weren’t currently immersed in the hurt, didn’t mean you weren’t trying to suffocate it for good.

You walked over to the pool tables, grabbing a cue and racking the balls. You sipped at your drink, shooting aimlessly and sinking shots intermittently. After a while, a group of people joined you at your table. You had no idea who they were, or what their names were. You were sure they told you, but you were in no state to remember them. There were a few girls and two guys, and they all seemed super friendly. They were a good tool to pass the time with, or perhaps more of a distraction than anything. Either way, they were buying pitchers of drinks and sharing, and they were quite funny.

As the hour neared midnight, Mike had turned the sound system up as he usually did. You retracted your much earlier thought, realizing that dancing was the best sounding activity at the moment. One of the boys from the group took his chance, moving closer to you and dancing alongside you. Instead of recoiling, you allowed it, ready to reap the consequences later. He twirled you around, pulling you closer to him so your chest was pressed to his. You both sang the song to each other, faces dangerously close. His hand was on your hip, eyes never leaving you. You were having a good time, but couldn’t shake how wrong it felt. Sure, it was fun, but it was absolutely meaningless. You never wanted to feel something meaningless again after feeling what you had with Jake. He leaned in, attempting to catch you in a kiss, but you withdrew, suddenly feeling dirty for even letting another guy get that close to you. You were lost in thought, almost furious again knowing that Jake still had your entire heart. As bad as you wanted to rid yourself of him, you were more terrified of feeling like you weren’t his anymore, or him yours. The thought didn’t last long, because someone grabbed your arm and pulled you away from the group.

You looked to the source of the disturbance, only to be met with the fuming faces of your roommates. You took a moment to process it, blinking hard to rid yourself of the double vision. “We’ve been calling you all night.” Eve said, dangerously calm. “We didn’t know if you were dead, or if you got kidnapped, or what, until Mike called us and told us you were here.”

“Why would he-“

“Do not get mad at him for looking out for you.” She snapped. You felt a wave of nausea run through you as your face burned with heat. “I’m taking you home before you do something you’ll regret.” She pulled you towards the door, not willing to listen to any sort of explanation. When you got outside, the cool night air hit you like a million knives on your skin.

“Eve,” you mumbled. She continued walking, not listening to your warning. “M’gonna be sick.” You told her. She stopped, looking back at you. Her tough exterior faltered, now really seeing the state you were in. She pulled you back in an alleyway, gathering your hair in her hands. You braced yourself with your hand on the brick of the building, heaving until there was nothing left in your stomach. When you straightened up, there were tears in your eyes. Some from throwing up, but more from crying.

You took a step back, leaning your whole body against the wall and letting out the sob you’d been holding back all night. Ally was standing guard at the end of the side-street, making sure nobody could witness your crisis. You were consumed with the memories of the pictures you saw earlier that night, feeling a non-alcohol related sickness in your stomach. Eve dug in your purse, finding a small pack of tissues. She pulled one out and cleaned off your face as best she could before discarding it on the ground. Normally, she’d be appalled at the thought of throwing garbage on the ground. At the moment, she was willing to sacrifice her morals rather than hold on to the repulsive piece of paper.

She brushed the hair from your face, for once being completely unsure of how to help you. She couldn’t recall the last time she’d seen you so upset. “Let’s get you home, okay?” She whispered. You managed a nod through your inconsolable state. She led you back to the main road after helping you take your heels off. She kept a supportive hold around your back, making sure you didn’t stumble and fall. Ally took to the other side of you, also offering her support.

The walk was treacherous and much longer than it should have been. By the time the two girls got you through the door, you were nothing short of a mess. Eve whispered something to Ally that you didn’t quite catch. Then, Eve helped you to the couch and Ally disappeared from sight. Eve took a seat next to you, gently wiping away the tears staining your cheeks. You tried to catch your breath, feeling completely out of control. Within a few minutes, Ally had rejoined the group holding a plethora of items in her arms. She put them down on the couch, making fast work at her mission.

First she pulled out a few makeup wipes, handing them to Eve so she could rid you of the mascara running down your face. When she was done, she placed the wipes on the coffee table. Ally handed her a hair tie next. Eve turned you slightly, combing her hands through your hair and quickly braiding it. “Next parts gonna be a bit harder.” She mumbled. “Gotta stand for me, okay?” You gave a nod. She helped you to your feet, steadying you before unzipping the back of your dress and slipping the sleeves off. When it fell to your ankles, she pulled a large t-shirt over your head. “There.” She sighed. You slowly sat back down on the sofa, feeling the world spinning around you.

“I’m sorry.” You mumbled, squeezing your eyelids shut. Tears were still making their way out with no sign of stopping.

“I know.” She said, thumb brushing them away as fast as they were falling. “I know you’re hurting. We all do stupid stuff when we’re hurting.”

“I told him I loved him. He said he loved me, too.” You cried, feeling the ache settle in your bones again. “He promised.” You blubbered.

“I know, honey. We’re gonna get some sleep and sober you up a bit, and we’ll fix this in the morning, okay?”

“I’m supposed to go to Atlanta next weekend.” In your drunken state, you unintentionally disregarded everything she was saying. “He said he was gonna take me around the world with him. I knew this was going to happen. I never should have opened up. I never should have let this happen.” You let out a shaky breath. “I don’t even know if he did it, or not. All I know is that it hurts. ‘nd m’so scared because I hate when people have this much power over me.” She knew you were really fucked up over this, because it was nothing like you to come out with all of your feelings so willingly. “I love him. I really love him. I’ve never felt like this before, and it just made me realize that he makes me so happy, but he has the power to take it away whenever he wants. And he’s this big rockstar who can have anybody he wants. All he has to do is say the word. He can have girls who looks like that. Why would he settle for me?”

“Hey, that is not true. Anyone who ends up with you will be the luckiest person in the world.” She scolded, not willing to accept that.

“He’s just… he’s Jake. And he’s perfect. And I adore him. A-and I’m so scared of losing him that… that I feel like I have to leave first, to spare myself from the worse hurt, later, you know?” You hiccuped. “I always do this. M’gonna ruin it for myself because m’always so fucking scared! I tried to get rid of the feeling, to get rid of him, but all of the stuff that usually works just made me think about him even more. I don’t want him to have that power over me, don’t want him to be able to flip my world upside down whenever he wants, but it just felt so good being loved by him and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forget it.” You let your head fall back into the cushion of the couch, completely defeated by how you were feeling. She quickly caught on to the fact that this whole situation may have had a lot less to do with the pictures from earlier, and much more to do with your fear of being in love.

“I know, baby.” She practically winced. She didn’t know the full story. She only knew what Sam had told her, then Jake’s incoherent babbling on the phone when he called her earlier. He was so out of his mind with worry she was surprised he didn’t jump on a plane and fly back just to make sure you were alive. Then, when she finally calmed him down enough to tell him she would make sure you were okay, Josh called and voiced his worry and defence of his brother. Eve was completely in the loop from all sides of the battle, but she had no idea what was really going on. “Ally is going to get the air mattress and we’ll all stay out here tonight. We’re not gonna leave you.” She pulled you into her, holding you close. Ally disappeared once again, off to gather more necessities. Eve rubbed your back, soothing you as you worked through your emotions. Her main concern was you, and it would always be that. Once you were asleep, she’d worry about everyone else.

The two girls banded together to pump up the large air mattress, having to take turns every now and again. Eventually, they had it set up and decorated the top with comforters and pillows. They prompted you to get in, wanting to get you to sleep as fast as possible, hoping if you got enough rest you’d feel better in the morning. They turned on a speaker, playing gentle music in the background so you could focus on something other than your hurt. It didn’t take long for the alcohol in your system to lull you to sleep, soft snores falling from your mouth.

“What the fuck happened?” Ally asked, finally winding down from the eventful night.

“I… couldn’t tell you, really. Sam sent me some suspicious pictures of Jake and another girl. Apparently Twitter thinks they’re together. And you know her, she doesn’t really believe in explanations or second chances. I guess it probably reminded her of last time. And I think she may be using it as a cop out because she’s really in love with him, and that terrifies her.”

“Do you think Jake would do that to her?” Ally asked, genuinely curious.

“He seems to be head over heels for her, but the pictures did seem kind of incriminating. He wasn’t kissing her or anything like that, but he was pretty close with her and she was wearing his jacket. Whoever she was, he looked quite enthralled in her. If i were her, I’d probably be pretty hurt, too. I don’t think she’s wrong to feel upset, especially if she didn’t know about it or who she was before she saw the pictures. I do think she should talk to him about it before running away.” Eve explained. Ally gave a nod. “Jake called me and he was super upset. Could barely understand what he was saying. He was just all over the place. Told him I’d make sure she was okay, but I didn’t ask him about it. I’m on team y/n, always. I’m not going to vouch for him, cause that will only make her mad at me.” She shrugged. “Even if he didn’t cheat on her, she’s still hurting. Maybe a bit more from her internal battles, but she’s still hurting.”

“I get that.”

“Josh called, too, trying to explain on behalf of his brother. It’s just a mess. I hope that Jake does have a good explanation, because I really like them together. But I’m not sure if she’ll listen to him, even if he does. She doesn’t listen to anyone but herself.” Eve chuckled. Ally nodded, knowing that all too well. “She already has the idea in her head, and every one of those feelings are multiplied by a thousand because she’s in love. Like, really in love. I don’t think she’s been this crazy for anyone, ever.” Just as she finished speaking, your phone began to ring in your purse again. Eve pulled it out, inspecting the screen. She sighed, rejecting the call and picking up her own phone. She dialled back the number that called you and waited for him to answer. She didn’t feel the need to completely block Jake out, but she’d be damned if she was going to let you know she was talking to him.

“Hey,” a raspy voice said from the other side of the phone.

“Hello, Jacob.” Eve said.

“Is she okay?” Her eyes looked towards you sleeping soundly on the air mattress.

“That’s a relative term, I think.” She grimaced slightly, recalling the state you had been in. “Alive, yeah, but she’s really fucked up.”

“Okay.” Jake said, clearing his throat a little bit. “I didn’t mean to hurt her.”

“That’s also quite relative. I’d like to say I know, but I can’t.”

“I didn’t cheat on her.” He said firmly. “I’m not cheating on her. I would never do that.”

“Okay.” She replied, mimicking his earlier statement.

“I absolutely know why she’s mad at me. If it was the other way around and I saw those pictures, I’d… yeah.” He trailed off.

“I can’t defend you to her, Jake. She’s been my best friend for years. I barely know you. Even if she’s overreacting, which I am absolutely not saying she is, I’m on her side.” Eve explained. “Unless she did something really fucked up, which she didn’t, and she won’t.” She added quickly, wanting to clarify that she wouldn’t blindly stand up for you in every context. “She’s a spitfire. She goes from 1 to 100 faster than anyone I’ve ever met. Yeah, she’s upset about what happened today, but I think she’s also having a hard time with being in love. She’s scared of it. Always has been. She’s so independent that it’s actually infuriating, and I believe she may be struggling with depending on someone for once. This whole thing might have been the excuse she’s been waiting for, to run away.” Eve explained. “I think maybe if she just saw the pictures, it wouldn’t have been so bad. But all of those Twitter comments were pretty hard to read, and I’m not even dating you.”

“I know. That part of fame sucks. Everyone speculates, and stories spread before we even know that it caught someone’s attention. And I get it. I understand why you and her both feel the way you do. I would feel the same if one of my brothers got hurt.” She did feel quite bad for him. She didn’t think Jake was a bad guy, but perhaps not the best at communication. In this instance, at least. “Can you at least try to get her to come to Atlanta? Just so I can talk to her. I’ll fly her back as soon as I do, if that’s what she wants. I just can’t leave things like this, and I know she’ll never answer my calls.” His words were met with a staggering silence. After a while, Eve spoke again.

“Do you swear on your life you didn’t cheat on her?” She asked, picking at a string that had frayed from the hem of her sweater.

“I promise.” He said, quite firmly.

“Cause if I get her to go Atlanta and I find out you really did fuck her over, I’ll kill you.” She replied as a matter-of-fact.

“I would never do that to her, Eve.” She believed him, for the most part. If he was lying, he was really good at it. “I love her.” He finally admitted. The sincerity in his words took her off guard.

“I’ll try, rockstar. It may not work, and I’m not going to force her, but I’ll try to get her on that plane. Only because I think you guys are cute together, and you made her so happy. She’s never had that before. It took a lot for her to give you a chance, especially after the last guy. If this ends like this, I don’t think she’ll ever recover.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t. And also, this conversation never happened. I’m not defending you, I’m not going behind her back, nothing like that. The only reason I’m doing this is because I think it’s in her best interest. Even if it’s just closure, that’s fine by me.” She warned. “Now think up a real good apology, rockstar.”

“Will do.” He said. There was no room for any more words, because she’d already hung up. Ally gave Eve a look of caution, worried that Eve was going to rock the boat even further. Eve brushed it off, standing and flicking the lights off in the living room. She climbed on the air mattress and wrapped herself up in a blanket. Ally followed suit, both of them falling asleep not long after with the hope that the morning would bring some form of clarity.

TAGLIST: @gvfpal @jakesgrapejuice @hellowgoodbye

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sarahowritesostucky · 2 months

Text

📖"Hydra Sanatorium"

Rated: Explicit

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers

Word count: 5112

Tags: a/b/o, medical institutionalization, cognitive disability, made up kinky medical things, diapers, catheters, non-con medical procedures, restraints, forced wetting, hurt/comfort, humiliation, kind!Careworker Steve, bratty!Patient Bucky, alpha Steve, omega bucky, dub con everything due to a/b/o biology, dry humping, forced orgasm, masturbation, implied self harm, orgasm therapy, age difference (19/30), omorashi

Summary: Bucky is a troubled teen coping with the traumatic transformation of late-onset omega puberty.

Steve's been developing too much of an attachment, he knows he has. But he might not have the self control to remain detached anymore.

A/N: This fic contains heavy medical kink, diapers/wetting, and a/b/o dub-con shenanigans. Consume Responsibly.

Wait! I think I missed a previous chapter! Series Masterlist

Chapter 5: Excited Catatonia with Aggression

It takes a while longer for Bucky to calm down, shuddering and shivering in Steve’s arms.

This session has been a big deal for the poor kid, since he’s been denied for so long. Omegas don’t do well when they don’t get release regularly. And Steve’s pretty sure that not only is Bucky sobbing because of that, but also because he’s likely been touch and sensory-starved at home as well. Who even knows the last time the boy was hugged, outside of a stay on-ward?

It is, unfortunately, going to be time to tell him about his family situation soon. Steve knows that if he doesn’t bite the bullet tonight, then his boss will do it for him tomorrow. And that won’t increase her confidence in Steve’s impartiality any. Steve could almost stomach her ire, but the part where Christina would be the one breaking the news to Bucky that his folks don’t want him is what sways Steve.

The kid deserves better than Doctor Raynor’s notoriously blunt demeanor. Christina doesn’t do it on purpose, but she’s ex-military and that’s very, very apparent in the way she approaches people. There’s a reason why she has a PhD and not an MD after her name. Raynor is much better suited to managing employees and administrative duties than she is dealing with patients … She tends to make them cry.

It’ll be much easier on Bucky if Steve is the one to tell him.

Still, after watching him come apart in his lap so beautifully, Steve has to pause a few times to steel himself for this conversation. “Well,” he says, trying to think of something else to help put the omega in a good mood. “You earned your reward. Been good all day. You want to take the cath out now?”

Bucky sits back with wide eyes. “Really?” he says, brightening. “Yeah! Can we?”

“We sure can, Sweetheart.” Steve kisses his cheek. “Good boys get nice things.” Bucky blushes, and Steve chuckles about it as he swaps out to a new pair of latex gloves. “Okay, bear with me here.”

It’s a simple process. All Steve has to do is use safety scissors to snip the inflation valve off the tubing, and a second later Bucky’s making a tiny noise of surprise, and the small amount of saline liquid that’d filled the balloon comes dribbling out. “Oohh,” he sighs, relieved. “Oh God. Thank you. Fuck, that was so annoying!”

Steve hums sympathetically. “I can imagine.” Having an object in one’s bladder giving the constant urge to pee doesn’t sound like a good time to him, either. But that’s why it’s one of the consequences that Hydra utilizes. It’s a way to help combative patients accept that they’re no longer in control of their bodies. “Bet you’re not gonna give me trouble on your diapering anymore, huh?”

Bucky grumbles and tucks his head down. “Mmn.”

Steve’s lips twitch fondly. “I’ll pull it out now,” he warns. The first few times that they’d had to cath Bucky, he’d been a crying, resisting mess, but after three years of coming in and out of the ward, he knows the drill. Steve gets enough lube to coat the head of his cock, being sure to slip some all around the tube and push it into his slit as much as possible. “Mmkay. Relax your muscles. Annnd deep breath.” Bucky inhales, and Steve slides the catheter out.

“Ugh.”

“All done.” He tosses it in the medical waste bin. “Good job.”

Bucky exhales hugely, eyelids fluttering. He looks down at himself, and flushes when he sees that his penis has dribbled a little more in Steve’s lap. “Sorry,” he mumbles, and Steve shushes him.

“S’okay. It happens.” They both know that Bucky’s bladder control won’t return to normal for a couple of days, which is to be expected. Bucky seems self-conscious of having wet on him though, no matter how miniscule the amount. So Steve reiterates how it doesn’t bother him, even taking Bucky’s hand in his and pressing their joined hands to the wet patch that’s right at the waistband of his scrub pants. Bucky blushes massively, but his scent radiates comfort, which is the goal. “You’re a good boy, Bucky,” Steve tells him in his best soothing rumble, then just keeps talking at him like that, because it clearly helps Bucky to calm down and be happy.

Steve’s dick is mighty happy, too, though he’s dead set on ignoring it. It’s not like it’s unusual for him to get aroused in-session with patients. It happens. … But it happens a lot more frequently with Bucky than with anybody else. Steve’s been aroused ever since he first got into the double-sit chair with Bucky, and half hard since he started fingering him. Things are a little more pronounced now, and he knows his erection is obvious. It’s approaching a full-on boner, though thankfully still angled down and towards the crease of his thigh. His compression underwear are doing an admirable job of keeping things contained, but it’s still a thick and obvious shape under the pale green of his scrubs. “Um,” he says stupidly, seeing their entwined fingers so close to it. He hastily releases Bucky’s hand.

Over the years at this job, Steve’s gotten used to not acting on his own arousal, but he isn’t surprised that Bucky gets distracted by it. The boy is a sexually frustrated omega teenager, after all, and Steve’s the only alpha who’s ever touched him intimately, probably the only one who’s been dominant to him in any sort of organized or respectful fashion, too. He can’t expect the kid to have the same control of his faculties that a regular person would. That’s just not how omega bodies work. And Steve is a healthy, thirty-year-old adult alpha male, so it’s simple fact that when he’s aroused like this he’s gonna wind up clogging the air a bit for Bucky. He can see it happening already, knocking the kid a little woozy. “You okay, bub?”

His nostrils keep flaring and he keeps sucking his bottom lip compulsively as he stares at Steve’s crotch. He stops using his words and switches to little grunts and hums, starts making this needy little sound in the base of his throat that both medical literature and video titles on PornHub would refer to as a ‘keen’. His eyes go glazed and he makes that noise repeatedly while his backside weeps and his nipples pebble up beneath his shirt.

This, right here. This is why people make fun of omegas as being empty headed cocksluts. Not that Steve sees it that way—God no, he doesn’t. It’s a beautiful thing to him, to see Bucky go all soft and wanting, a natural reaction that tells him the omega is feeling pleasured enough and protected enough to let go. It means his body and brain have actually decided that it’s safe enough for him to be vulnerable like that. If nothing else, it’s a huge fucking compliment to Steve as an alpha. “Oh, Honey,” he coos, petting up and down Bucky’s sides. “You gettin a little soft, mm? Sinking a little?” Bucky whimpers and Steve hushes him supportively. “That’s okay, Buck. I’m here. Alpha’s here. You can let go for a little while if you need to.”

“... ‘pha,” Bucky slurs, latching onto the word, and Steve nods.

“Yeah, Sweetheart, Alpha’s got you. You want to lay your head down for a—”

‘Going soft’ usually only means whining and slicking and, well, going soft. It’s something easily contained and soothed, encouraged into a nap or a bit of cuddling. But that’s in healthy and well-adjusted omegas. Bucky veers in another direction altogether when he slides his hand over and starts aggressively cupping Steve’s erection through his pants.

Steve’s eyes widen. “Hey, hey. Uh-uh.” He tries to grab Bucky’s wrist but the boy evades him and his scent sours at what his dumbed down mind perceives as rejection. “Buck, now listen: you can’t touch me there.”

Bucky’s too far down already, and hearing this just makes him get more aggressive. He shoves forward, hand moulding back to the shape of Steve’s dick and squeezing insistently. “Nnn.”

A guttural sound of pleasure escapes Steve before he can cut it off, and then he’s on course correction. “O-okay bub,” he chokes out, gathering Bucky’s hands and guiding them away. “You know I can’t let you.”

Bucky whines mightily at being denied, rocking in his lap like a tantrum and trying to tug his hands free. His hips are jerking in tiny movements, and the strap support that’s under his thighs is definitely the only reason he’s not grinding directly against Steve’s crotch right now. “Nnn!” he whines, when he tries to tug his hands free and can’t. “Nnn!” He starts to get violent. He gets his hands free for a split second and manages to whack Steve upside the head before Steve regains control.

“Bucky,” he Voices, quiet but stern, “Stop. Don’t hit. I can’t let you touch my dick. You know that. It’s against the rules. Now stop. Alpha’ll be real mad if you don’t listen, right?” After Bucky finally tapers off and goes lax in surrender, Steve cautiously releases his hands. The omega grumbles unintelligibly and puts them on his shoulders instead of trying to get them anyplace Steve’s employment contract says they can’t be. His fingers curl hard at the bend of Steve’s neck and his nails do dig in a little meanly, but the point is he’s trying. Steve relaxes and praises him with a gentle, “Good job, baby. That was good listening.”

Bucky grunts a little more, and he seems to get his brain back online after a few more minutes pass by and he’s relaxed into Steve’s lap better. He doesn’t look as buzzed, looks like maybe he remembers most of the English language.

“You back with me?” Steve asks, when he notices him starting to try and hide his face in shame again.

Bucky nods, scrubbing his cheek on Steve’s shoulder. “Sorry,” he mumbles. “Didn’t mean to.”

“I know, sweetheart. You’re okay. You pulled out of that one real good. I’m proud of you.”

One of the things Bucky struggles with is the tantruming that he tends to shoot off into during or after release. ‘Excited Catatonia with Aggression’—Present in every edition of the DSM since III came out in the eighties. It’s somewhat like a heat frenzy, only with behaviors that can turn self-injurious and emotionally harmful in the blink of an eye. Steve is relieved that they were able to avert an episode this time. “Real good,” he repeats. “Have you been practicing your calm down techniques at home?”

Bucky squirms. “Mmn.”

“Use your words, bub.”

Bucky grumbles some more, and he keeps hiding against Steve’s shoulder, but eventually he does admit, “I do ‘em sometimes. … Sometimes in my room. At night.”

Steve feels his heart ping in with another dent. ‘At night’, he knows, just means when Bucky’s family won’t catch him doing it. When he won’t be shamed for rocking or sucking or stimming in some other way. Steve’ll never forget the first time he’d tried to send Bucky home with a few helpful items. The father had gone red in the face and dragged Bucky out the doors, and Steve had been unable to do anything but watch from the building’s west entrance as everything they’d given Bucky to take home with him was dumped right there in the parking lot.

Deep down, even way back then, Steve had known in his heart that Bucky wasn’t going to be able to stay with his family. Not if he was going to make it.

(And Steve really needs him to make it.)

“... Steve?” Bucky sounds shy and fatigued, which can happen when he’s fought off the emotional stress of a tantrum. “Can we stay here for just a little bit? Please?” He shuffles on his knees with a sniffle, pressing close for comfort. “Just for a little bit? You smell so good, and I don’t wanna leave yet.”

“Of course, sweetheart, yeah. We can do that. We can stay for as long as you want.” Steve really means it, because he knows he’s got to figure out a way to tell Bucky the bad news tonight. And Steve hates to think the worst of any patient, but he’s got a bad feeling that it’s not going to go over well at all. “Buck?” he prods gently, waiting until he knows the omega is paying attention. “Honey, can we talk a little bit?”

Maybe if he can get Bucky to talk it out, he thinks, get him to conclude on his own that going home isn’t the best option for him, then maybe Steve can present the change in custody as a choice. It’s wishful thinking, but he has to try. He doesn’t want to crush Bucky’s sense of self worth more than it already has been. Bucky already feels dejected and unloved, and knowing that his family has legally washed their hands of him isn’t something Steve wants him to have to deal with. It’s better if Steve can talk him around to the other side, make him ‘decide’ that he doesn’t want to go home to his family.

Steve knows Christina wouldn’t approve of the deception. And he knows if she found out, he’d be taken off Bucky’s case at best, professionally reprimanded at worst. He’d be considered compromised. And hey, maybe he is. Doesn’t mean he’s going to do things any different until somebody makes him. Bucky’s still his patient right now, and Steve is going to take care of him the way he thinks he needs. “So … um, I wanted to ask you about how things’ve been at home, lately.” Bucky tenses and Steve hushes him, bringing a hand up to cradle the back of his head and encourage him to press his face closer. Bucky takes the cue and snuffles into Steve’s neck, mouthing over the pulse point. Steve pats his back. “Has anybody been close with you?” he asks, near-pained because he thinks he already knows the answer. “Your mom maybe, or your brothers?” Bucky shakes his head and Steve feels awful. “Are you sure? Snuggling? Or, even just a hug when you need it? Some scenting?”

The last time Bucky had been admitted on-ward, the social services team had roped his folks into a session to try and better educate them on their son’s new special needs. Steve hadn’t been present—had been on vacation, of all things, Christ—but he’s heard that the parents did not appreciate the instruction, and they didn’t take any of the information to heart. Obviously.

“Mm mn,” Bucky’s saying, rubbing his mouth over Steve’s skin as he speaks. “I never ask. Don’t want ‘em to know. They’d just make fun’a me if I asked.”

Steve inhales sadly. “You need regular touch Bucky. Hugs, skin contact, lap time, something.”

“No,” he mumbles, sounding like the surly teenager he is. “You don’t get it.”

“Well explain it to me, then.”

“They’re totally ashamed of me. My dad hates me.”

Steve tuts. “I’m sure that’s not true, Honey. They may be uncomfortable about certain things—uneducated, or ill-equipped to help you. The counselors here have talked to you about it, haven’t they? You know: about how people can have implicit biases that they—”

“No!” Bucky gets angry and pulls away, sitting back on his knees and giving Steve a sharp look. “I’m embarrassing to them. They don’t want the neighbors to know! My brothers’ friends aren’t allowed to come over to our house to hang out anymore, so they hate me too, and just … Ugh! You just don’t get it, Steve. Not everybody believes like you guys do here. Lots of people just think that omegas are … they just think that we’re …”

“Honey,”

“Mm mn,” he sniffles, stubborn. “They think we’re useless, dumb. A waste of space.”

“That’s not true and you know it Bucky,” Steve says sternly.

“I don’t know shit,” he growls. “That’s how it is in the real world, Steve. And how’re they wrong, huh? I’m never going to be able to have a job, never gonna be able to take care of myself.”

“Bucky,” Steve pleads, concerned at the vitriol in Bucky’s voice. He should not be talking like this, and the fact that he is means that things at his home have been more abusive than Steve realized.

“—Just a waste of tax dollars. A drain on society. Waste of hardworking people’s tax dollars,”

“Stop.” Steve’s pissed when he Voices it, and it comes through loud and clear. Bucky shuts up right away. He blinks wide eyes at him, and Steve takes the opportunity to shut him down. “I don’t ever want to hear you talk like that again, Bucky,” he says, easing off from his Voice when he can see he’s gotten the kid’s attention. He puts his hands on Bucky’s hips and looks at him sternly. “There are people who think like your parents do, yes. But it’s not nearly the majority. I think you’re under the impression that a lot of people share those ugly beliefs.” He waits, and when Bucky says nothing to deny it, Steve huffs. “It’s not many. I’d say … ten percent of folks? Maybe fifteen, when there’s a Republican in the white house.”

“What? Really? …You’re not just saying that?”

Bucky looks slightly swayed. Bolstered, Steve pets his hands up and down Bucky’s sides, rucking the soft material of his tee shirt as he does it. “No, I’m not just saying that. Most people don’t think the way your folks do. Only assholes who watch Fox News parrot out the sort of vile shit you just did.” He raises a knowing eyebrow, daring Bucky to deny it. He’s met George Barnes a few times. He knows what type the man is. “You are just as important as any other person, Hon,” he promises, and when Bucky starts to sneer again, he’s struck by the distinct urge to smack him.

He digs his fingers in warningly at the boy’s waist. “Hey, listen to me, now.” Bucky stops sneering, and Steve sighs, trying to think of something he can say that’ll make Bucky realize he’s actually worth something. “Do you … Do you believe in God, honey?” he asks—not at all professional, but Steve’s gone past professional with Bucky for a while now, whether he wants to admit it or not. He’s heard Bucky make a few flippant comments in the past, about ‘God’ or ‘heaven’ or ‘prayers’ (usually in relation to morbid comments about wanting to die or off himself), so he’s taking a chance and going out on a limb here. “Hm?”

“God?” Bucky’s brow furrows. “I guess so. I mean my family never really goes to church except for—”

“I didn’t ask if you go to church,” Steve interrupts. “I asked if you believe in God, in one form or another.” He waits patiently for Bucky to answer him. When he does, it’s with a tiny nod and a mumbled,

“Yeah. I think so. … I do.”

Steve softens. “Okay then. Me too, by the way.” Bucky makes a weird face like he’s still unsure why Steve is talking about this, So Steve explains, “Think about it: Do you really think there’s any God out there who’d create a whole class of people that didn’t have a purpose? Ten percent of humanity that’s just a ‘stupid waste’?” He waits until Bucky makes a face in consideration. “Right. I’m Catholic, you know? My ma dragged my butt to mass every Sunday growing up. And I just wish you could’a heard the things I did, the things they preached. It was never ugly like what your folks’ve been telling you. Omegas are different from other people, but so are Alphas. Doesn’t mean we’re not just as good and important as anybody else. We just have different needs, and that’s okay.” He offers Bucky a cautious smile. “I mean, maybe it’s not a coincidence that we’re five and five of the population, huh?” He reaches up and cradles the side of Bucky’s face, tracing his cheekbone with the pad of a thumb. “It’s like somebody had this idea we’d be complimentary, or something.”

Bucky’s lips have parted, and he even smiles reluctantly at the soft teasing in Steve’s tone there at the end. He reaches up and covers Steve’s hand with his own. “I guess so,” he murmurs. “I mean, it kinda makes sense.”

“Mm.” Steve smirks. “It does.” He kisses his cheek and gives another little squeeze on his waist. “C’mon. Let’s go get cleaned up.”

Bucky is sullen at first when they exit the massage room, but when Steve makes it clear that he won’t be leaving Bucky’s side now that their lap time is over, the omega trails along happily enough. They wash up in the bathroom and change into clean clothes. Bucky doesn’t fuss at all when Steve helps him into a fresh diaper, but he does mumble, “I hate ‘em.”

Steve has just pulled up the soft fleece pants for Bucky. “Do you really? Or d’you just hate how embarrassed it makes you feel?”

Bucky chews his lip and doesn’t answer for a long minute, his lashes lowering and his cheeks darkening. “... The second one, I guess. Embarrassing.”

If you were my omega, Steve wants to say so badly. You’d never have to feel embarrassed about anything. Not for the rest of his life, because Steve would take care of him, make him feel like the treasure he is. Like he deserves. He licks his lips, overly emotional and trying not to let it show. “Hey,” he says softly, putting his hand over Bucky’s fleece-covered knee. “You know it’s a common thing, the wetting, right bub?”

Bucky nods sullenly. “I guess.” He’s still sitting on the changing table with his legs thrown over the side, and Steve steps forward to give him a hug. “Who’s ever gonna want to put up with me?” he says, and Steve’s heart just about fractures.

Me, he wants to say so badly, but he can’t. He holds the words back like bile in his mouth, hugs him tighter and says into his hair, “Lotsa people, Buck. There’s whole agencies devoted to helping omegas find their mates.”

“There are?”

“Of course. Half my job is making sure patients are set up to succeed in the world, once they get outta here.” He steps back and takes Bucky’s hand, and together they walk out of the bathroom and down the ward’s hallway. “That’s actually something you and I need to talk about.”

It’s dinnertime, so Steve walks them to the room where all the patients on C Hall eat their meals. He makes himself a coffee while Bucky goes to load up a tray with food from the line, then they sit together away from the other patients. Steve works up the nerve to have the conversation he’s been avoiding all day. “So,” he says. “When you get out of here,”

Bucky makes a face down at his tray of food. “Ugh.”

“Ugh?”

He shrugs. “I dunno. I hate thinking about going home. They’ll come and pick me up, be jerks all over again, till next time.” He stabs vindictively at the little pile of peas he’s got. “I know it’s crazy to want, but … sometimes I wish they’d never come back, that they’d magically just forget about me and I could stay here forever.”

“Aw, you don’t want to stay here forever,” Steve coaxes. “In a mental hospital?”

Bucky shrugs. “I’d rather be here with you then back home with them.”

God, Honey. You’ve got no idea how much I want to keep you. Steve tries not to get overeager, but this is a good start to the conversation they need to have, so he goes with it. “Yeah?” he prods. “I’ve always been able to tell your dad’s a bit of a prick, but things are that bad at home?” He wants Bucky to talk about the abuse, then they can segue into discussing healthier options. “Buck?”

Bucky avoids looking at him, poking around his food and making patterns in the mashed sweet potatoes with his fork. “... Nobody makes fun of me here,” he says quietly. “I’m allowed to relax and … and do what feels good.”

Christ. Steve grits his teeth and imagines beating George Barnes’ face to a pulp. “Yeah Honey,” he eventually croaks. “Yeah that’s how it should be. Always. The fact that your folks make you feel that way, that they treat you the way they do … It’s wrong. It’s abusive. So is the way they’re always dumping you here and yanking you out, using it as a punishment. You do realize that?”

Bucky glances up at him, but he shrugs. “I guess so,” he mumbles.

“No, not ‘I guess so’, it is,” Steve insists. He nods at Bucky's tray. “Stop playing with your food. Put a bite of that in your mouth.” Bucky’s eyes get a little wide at the command, and then he flushes and responds positively, listening to Steve and eating a forkful of potatoes. Steve feels a warm thrill of satisfaction at being obeyed. “Good boy,” he praises. “Look, Buck. I want to talk about your options for when you leave here. You do realize that I’ll help you, right? If you put in a petition on grounds of abuse, I’ll sign it. You could choose where you live. You wouldn’t have to go back to your parents’ place. In fact I don’t think you should. It sounds to me like they make you pretty miserable.”

“What?” Bucky looks surprised. “But where else would I go? I don’t have a job or any money.”

“That’s okay. You know the state puts money aside for omegas, right? We can get you set up with what you need.”

Bucky looks wary, but he nods. “Yeah. They talked about it in life skills class. Welfare programs.”

Steve supposes that’s the sort of thing George Barnes talks trash about at home. “Yeah,” he says encouragingly. “You can apply for an apartment and an income. It won’t be a lot, but it’d be enough to live off of. You’ll get medical, housing, heat support.” Bucky’s face goes scarlet at the mention of his heats, but Steve presses on. “And there are jobs out there for omegas who want to work. You just have to know where to look. Like this girl I know from my church? She got a job working at a childcare center. Told me she loves it.” Bucky’s brow is furrowed as he takes in all that Steve’s saying, and Steve holds his hand out over the table, palm up. “C’mon, tell me what you're thinking.”

Bucky bites his lip but he does put his hand in Steve’s. “I don’t … I don’t know how to be on my own,” he admits. “I’m afraid. What if I mess up?”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Steve squeezes his hand. “You won’t mess anything up. You know, I have so many omega clients who do well. Almost everybody does, really, when they get out of here. And you wouldn’t be on your own. There’d be people helping you. You’d get a caretaker assigned from an agency. A good one.” He hates thinking of another alpha helping Bucky, scent marking his apartment and making him feel good. But that’s Steve’s problem, not Bucky’s. “Honey, I think your self esteem has taken such a huge hit from this when it didn’t really have to. Your folks have been saying nasty shit in your ears ever since you presented three years ago, and I’m sorry but that’s a damn shame. It’s fucked up.”

Bucky is looking at Steve like he can’t believe what he’s hearing, and Steve knows why. He’s never really cursed in front of Bucky before, and he’s certainly never verbally trashed the kid’s family. But Steve is fed up. He just spent the last hour helping the most beautiful, sweet omega through a release, and knowing that the poor thing is so mixed up about his gender because of his asshole family absolutely burns Steve up. He’s had enough. Bucky deserves to feel good about himself and have a good life. Steve gives his hand another supportive squeeze. “Hey, why don’t we sit down tomorrow and make a ‘what if’ plan, huh?”

“... What’s a ‘what if’ plan?”

Steve smiles gently. “It’s where we think up options for what you might do, where you might go, if you want something different when you get out of here.”

“Steve, I don’t … I don’t know.” Bucky looks down, face screwed up in worry. In a tiny voice, he admits, “I’m not sure I can really take care of myself. Not like this.” He says it so sadly, and Steve doesn’t know what ‘like this’ means, but he can make a few guesses. Across the table from him, Bucky is looking rather miserable. “My parents’ll probably be by any day now to pick me up, anyway.”

Steve cringes. He finally forces himself to say, “Well, that’s um, that’s not really going to happen, actually.”

“What?” Bucky’s wide, hurt eyes coming back up to lock on Steve don’t make this task any easier. “What do you mean?”

“Um, you see, your folks decided to sign a paper when they came by this last time, saying that they agree to relinquish custody.”

Bucky’s entire face falls in a way that absolutely breaks Steve’s heart. “Oh,” he says, voice tiny. “They got rid of me?”

“They signed over custody, baby. I think they finally realized that it was hurting you more than helping, so they agreed to let us take care of you from now on. They’re finally trying to do right by you.”

It’s a complete lie, Steve is pretty sure. He knows Bucky’s parents and he’s certain that nothing about the situation was done for Bucky’s benefit, only their own. The Barnes’ simply didn’t want to deal with their son’s needs anymore. But Steve is trying to put the best spin on this he can, for Bucky’s sake. “It’s going to be okay, Buck,” he promises. “I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you. You know that, right?”

Bucky’s already pulling into himself. He physically almost seems to shrink, shoulders hunching and arms tucking in. He nods at Steve’s question though, and he doesn’t rage or fit at the news that his family doesn’t want him anymore. “Yeah,” he says, voice dull. “I know.”

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

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