#mentally i am existing. thank u guys for the well wishes it really means a lot

[starswallowingsea]

Well the swelling in my lip has gone way down which is a plus

#im also not feeling too sore or anything #mentally i am existing. thank u guys for the well wishes it really means a lot #today we have to go look at the car and clean it out and get photos #which is blegh. but i dont even know where they towed it to #vaguely somewhere near the crash site i think the emt told me #so yknow. fun #shay speaks

[dailytatsu]

Hello! I saw request were open so i was wondering if i could request some headcanons of the Archons and/or the Adepti meeting a God reader who is the God of Chaos and destruction. The reader is not a Archon tho and travels all over Teyvat cuz small bits of destruction were ever they go. They're pretty mischievous and somewhat smug but despite how they act they're actually a good person. They dont mean to cause problems(most of the time anyways) chaos follows them were ever they go. Idk if you have a character limit but if you do please tell me so i wont make a mistake again. And if there is you can just do Zhongli and Xiao. Optionally could you make them a dendro user, there not a lot of dendro content and if not thats fine. I understand. Could you make the reader Gn or Non-binary they/them pronouns please? If not male reader is totally fine. Im so sorry for the long post and I hope you have a good day/night!

Ohmy, it’s my first time just writing headcanons! I’m use to write a lot, so let’s hope I did it right (^ ^' )7

Thanks for the request! ✨

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[HC] God of Chaos! Reader and the Archons + Xiao

Characters: Zhongli, Xiao, Venti, Shogun Raiden (Ei).

Gn! Reader

I tried doing it with everyone but I’m no still that confident to try writing with some characters ＿|￣|○

Sorry for any mistakes!

Request are open!

Genshin Masterlist

Second part ->

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VENTI

To be honest, he didn't notice your presence at first. He had other concerns on his mind that day to perceive the chaotic (and slightly threatening) aura that Mondstadt was infected with that day.

Barbatos is a person of habit, so he couldn't help but be curious when the crowd in front of him began to look a little agitated instead of seeming to enjoy his lyre and his songs.

But then a series of domino events appeared in front of his very eyes.

The purity of the chaos was such that he felt overwhelmed, even without the white-haired boy around, if it wasn’t Bennett fault, then how was it possible for everything to be ruined in such a short time?

His patience ended when, out of nowhere, the strings of his lyre jumped close to his face as they snapped. Making that awful noise that couldn’t mean nothing good.

Okay, enough, who is messing around in here? No more joking in his nation!

He concentrated a little, a faint but unique presence kept his nerves on edge, as if he was being watched from afar. He moved away from the busy areas and then chased that ephemeral energy to the highest point of the church, where the bells were ringing in an irregular and stressful way.

Then he found you. Snoozing against one of the columns, somewhat tired because the trip you made to reach Mondstadt.

Surprisingly, Barbatos understood you since the first exchange of words. A god of chaos who was also a free spirit, you followed no rules ever written in Teyvat, and you had no plans to apologize for the mess you made.

Both of you were Zhongli’s worst nightmare, but that’s another story.

He managed to through your arrogance and your teasing nature that you, in fact, were a lonely spirit that liked to witness the life from above of everyone.

The difference between teasing someone accidentally and committing a crime was really visible, but he still couldn't help but feel like he should scold you after your mere presence messed up with the guild's baskets full of fish.

But hey! He also enjoy the company! Venti tried to teach you how to enjoy the calm and the whisper of wind, music can also contain chaos, feelings, old stories waiting to be told again, expressions and desire united, in a wonderful piece of-

As you yawned his lyre broke up again. Making clear the message.

Okay, not even God of Freedom and Wind can control chaos. Anyways, what a tragedy, but there’s nothing a simple bard can do, smh.

“Do you like kids, don’t you?” He said once, after a nice day of hearing him sing before your chaos reached his little concert. Again watching everyone from above on the hands of the statue, with your attention caught by some kids playing tag.

“… I don’t know what do you mean.” Once discovered you had no choice but to remain defensive, pretending to be disinterested.

“Heh, you aren’t a good liar.” It may not be the wisest thing to make fun of someone who could destroy the place where you were resting, but Venti was confident that he knew you well enough to know that you were not so explosive. “You know!, I just have some pieces, but I think it’s because they are little walking concentrations of pure and innocent chaos, am I wrong?”

He wasn’t, no at all. But you would never confess something that embarrassing.

This guy wrote a ballad about the days when Mondstadt got immerse with that strike of bad luck. Kind of an apology of not being able to handle the situation.

Now there’s the rumor that says that, every time somebody sings that song, something unlucky will happen in front of you.

The song is cursed.

One night when the moon was shining on the Cider Lake his well tuned ears distinguished a melody that was broken from time to time by the accidents of his performer, distracting him of his way to look for you.

It could be painful to listen to, but Venti could certainly feel the dedication of the one who was playing the imperfect song.

The ballad of the god of chaos, hummed like a lullaby that instead of making you sleep makes you question the events of the day. Wishing for the slightest thing to be different after an exhaustive week of peace and tranquility.

A lonely spirits cursing their existence, sitting in the highest point of a stranger’s palace, where you can reach the sky by only rising your hand.

The next day, Barbatos invited you to drink some wine, this time near Windrise to avoid accidents in the city.

As he almost dropped the bottle when a lot of slimes were attracted by your presence, he confirmed the theory about that the way to spend time with you would not be his personal definition of hanging out.

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ZHONGLI

Okay, there’s only two scenarios that could happened when you set a foot in Liyue.

Old man has a soft spot for you for being a relative young deity.

Or he’s always lecturing you for not having control of your aura and powers.

How u dare bringing chaos to the nation of order? It’s that a death wish?

Jokes aside, you’re not really a threat. And he could sense that after he saw how you tried to avoid having direct contact with the city. Rex Lapis found your silhouette jumping and crossing through the mountains until reaching the fairest point that allowed you to enjoy the view of the streets that were filled with life and light as the sunsets.

He even noticed how you sighed in frustration when a storm started out of nowhere. A rain dedicated just for the arriving of the God of Chaos. Not even bothering of getting shield, you stayed in your place to look at all the people who were getting back to their places.

The rain seemed to stop over your head, for a second was enough to stop you from being cruelly swamped by the very weather you had created. An elegant umbrella covered you, the long awaited surprise you expected from someone as outdated as Morax.

You looked up, and found his expression calm and attentive, watching you. As if he had made a great discovery that he could not believe

“May I have a moment of your time to keep you company? Letting out your sorrows in the middle of a torrential storm is not what I would recommend as way to spend a good day.”

“… What are you talking about? Get in your own business, old man.”

“Well, you should know that a sorrow shared is a sorrow halved.”

Next time you knew was that he was helping you to dry your hair with a towel once you let him guide you to his place.

Zhongli picked you up like a abandoned cat that day. Even if having you near meant to deal with new the roof leaks.

Also kept you away from Hu Tao, if you two ever get along for being partners in crime he would seal himself underground-

For all the time you spend exploring Liyue, there he was. Like a little kid showing his treasures. But also like a worried father looking after his child for them not to stumble making their first steps.

Look at you! Almost crushing those Treasure Hoarders when a bunch of rocks fell down after you jumped at the edge of the cliff.

Wait, no- come back here! You should verify the surroundings and be aware of the weight of your power if you’re going to explore in that bold way. You, chaotic brat.

Another one who believed fervently that your mood was to blame for the constant chaos you caused. He also tried to show you the wonders of peace and calm, teaching you how to prepare tea while listening to the storyteller (also both being a little far away from the rest of them, just in case).

He couldn’t help but sigh when the teapot arm broke as soon as you tried to serve the tea. What a waste, he thought.

You apologized to him, kind of stressed with yourself after you took all the pieces with your bare hands to run away with them. Leaving a confused Zhongli behind.

Next day you were back, with the teapot repaired and just like new.

He let out a lot of thankful words, some flattering and a lot more cheesy things that you never had received before.

With that unexpected affection you couldn’t help but react flustered; then a cat that was chasing a bird jumped through a lot of decorations and merchandise, almost starting a fire as the chained events kept going.

Yeah,, uh, Zhongli got some useful mental notes about you and your chaos that day.

Hey, before you go, want to make a contract? You won’t regret it!

But as the wandering spirit you were you had no problems in reject his offer, but also promising that you would visit Liyue if he wanted you to.

Of course he wanted! But.. maybe next time you should stay in Huaguang Stone Forest instead of roaming near the city,,

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XIAO

Tried to kill you.

I mean, your aura is threatening and full of a destructive energy, how is possible that you weren’t a demon to eradicate??

Sorry, but he had a point.

Your first met was on your way to reach Huaguang Stone Forest along with Zhongli for introduce you with the Adeptus.

Xiao, in the other side, thought that you were about to attack Morax from behind, so he just struck against you. With his polearm near to go through your chest, just stopped because you felt him before.

Lifting your hand at his direction, summoning chaos, this time, on purpose. The wind gained a wrathful nature and the biggest roots that were hiding under his feet rose to caught him.

And when you were about to hit each other Zhongli’s shield appeared just in time to separate both of you. Preventing a real catastrophic event.

Now stop fighting and introduce to each other.

Nice(n’t) to meet u.

What if you tried to awake Azhdaha to bring chaos and destruction to Liyue? What if you wanted to summoned Osial? What if… ?

Zhongli had to confirm and promise to him that those cruel possibilities won’t be a near future for respecting the real reason of your travel.

No matter if he wasn’t comfortable with your presence, it wasn’t his decision to allow you to roam freely, so he had to get use to it.

He immediately knew after hearing about your nature that was your fault that lately there were a lot more demons and monsters. Even his karma was getting more painful than usual.

(If you ever meet Hu Tao, please think twice before doing Xiao a prank)

You both didn’t interact a lot, and being honest, it was better that way.

He hadn’t a single intention of talking with you again until the day you were practicing the song that your Anemo friend taught you. By the other hand, Xiao noticed that the melody had the same nature as the one he once heard before being consumed by the karma.

It wasn’t a flute, but a worn lyre that was still in one piece after weeks of being repaired again and again.

“That song… ”

“Do you know it?” Xiao just nodded, staying in silence, being your very first audience even if you still have a lot to learn about playing a lyre.

It wasn’t as effective as the original, but was still… nice, kind of nostalgic.

Next morning, the Yaksha called for you. Made you stay still in the middle of a plain and then he disappeared of your sight.

He abandoned y- wait, what’s that? Why those monsters has that weird dark aura?

You were about to defend yourself until Xiao appeared back just in time to defeat them.

That day you became his personal bait for demons and monsters. Naturally you attracted chaos, so anyway you were, there will be also something to fight.

I guess this is your way to pay for all the troubles you made for him and his duty, so no complaining about it.

If you ask for a unexpected experience to Ganyu she would said that once she found both of you fighting along against the catastrophe, looking after each other’s back and almost having a perfect synchrony.

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SHOGUN RAIDEN; EI

Also tried to kill you.

Well, the puppet tried to.

And then Ei tried when you had the opportunity of facing her.

But since killing a god just mean the releasing of a lot, pure, energy she couldn’t afford that risk, much less considering your “speciality”.

Who knows what would happen to Inazuma if your vital energy burst across the nation. Just like that old story about Sal Terrae and their goddess.

She just defeated you. Letting you rest and recovering in the midst of the plane of her reality within her mind. Your inert body in the middle of the battlefield as she kept meditating.

When you woke up she ignored your presence, but also denying your complaints about letting you go out back.

In her words, you were a burden, another enemy of eternity. Something as unpredictable as you and your “accidents” couldn’t get along with her utopia.

Ei could banish you from Inazuma, but she knows your type. Stubborn and not accepting the most simple orders to obey.

She knew that you would found a way to be back.

It’s better like this.

And in the hypothetical case of you being freed when she trapped the traveler (kicking you out) and then having a chance to see her again after the end of the war, then things would be somewhat different.

There’s not that much of civilization on some islands, so she allowed you to explore as much as your heart wanted. But if something serious happen, she promised that would end her work in the middle of the sea so your remains never be found.

Okay, message clear. Just do chaos near monsters and bandits, got it,,

Even if she wanted to spend some time with you and telling you some stories about Inazuma and other gods she couldn’t found the right time to call you at her presence.

As the current ruler of Inazuma she was busier than the rest of Archons you have meet. Maybe just some letters now and then like a way to keep a logbook, but not really a face to face talk.

Until she got the opportunity of a day off, just to found you messing around near some ruins. Trying to solve a puzzle before your speciality strikes in. The structure fell down after your fingertips reached the stone.

When the dust dissipated, you discovered her figure judging you from the other side of the remain ruins.

Give her a good reason for not errase you from the map, I dare u.

You felt the worst was about to come when Ei ordered you to follow her after a long sigh. Crossing her arms and starting to walk away from the bunch of old and worn rock.

Plot Twist, she actually invited you to rest under a tree, asking in her serene voice the reason for your journey and your origin. In such a direct way that it seemed more like a sentence than a talk to get to know each other better.

You answered what you could remember and then the silence stayed like the only way of interaction between you two.

Ohno, you know this pattern. Something’s about to happen-

“There is some strange beauty in the chaos, it may be the calm after the storm, but the catastrophe itself is seen as a necessary evil to appreciate the stillness. How much it would last until the lighting hit the valley?”

“So I arrived to keep order between the humans?”

Well yes, but actually no.

“… You see, if there is nothing but order and a lack of problems, mortals are likely to create them on their own. Their minds feels the need to be tested, to prove their worth, so I guess some of your chaos may be part of the history.”

“… then shall we take a walk in Inazuma?” You did not know if you were right, but you thought you saw a faint smile through his lips in the same way that lightning can be seen in the sky.

“I’ll allow it.” She said.

Her only condition was for you not to approach the huge boxes of fireworks down the street.

#genshin fic #genshin headcanons #genshin imagines #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #reader insert #genshin impact x y/n #genshin scenarios #mondstadt #genshin liyue #venti headcanons #genshin zhongli #genshin boys #baal x y/n #gi x reader #zhongli x y/n #xiao x y/n #xiao headcanons #xiao x reader #gi x you #male reader #genshin request #genshin baal #raiden shogun #genshin x gender neutral reader #genshin x reader #genshin fluff #ei genshin #venti genshin x reader

[solomonish]

HI PUBONIC BLAGUE HERE AND I AM EXPERIENCING THE SHRIMP COLORS OF LUCIMON. Okay actually like first of all hi hi hello, missed u much, hope u been well. I had a most excellent time reading the wonderful content you've posted recently too btw, so thank you for slapping some wind back in my sails, and also more importantly as someone else with a limited quantity of mental silverware I just wanted to add as long as it's not too weird that I hope you've been extra special kind to yourself too. you're a special sort of lovely and deserve the best of everything that makes you smile 🥺❤️. ALSO OKAY "FALLEN GOLDEN BOYS" SMACKED ME WITH A BRICK AND CALLED ME A BITCH. I am in galaxy brain with these two like can you IMAGINE. their mutual-but-different beef with archangle mikey ALONE is riddled with enough possibilities to send me Over The Edge, but the quiet self destruction and workaholism?? the repressed trauma and the carrying of the whole world despite it?? the always thinking of others first and holding everyone at arms' length while desperately yearning to be held?? OOMPH. and okay the violently, poetically foiled ways in which they cope with all of that + everything else i'M [insert favorite dinosaur noise here]. they're even literally yin-yang colored I'm in shambles. anyway if the third eye counts as a window to the soul you could fit a whole beelzebub thru mine right now so thank you for posting that ask you have unlocked an Entire new plane of existence for me. now if u exist me I am going to lay face down on the floor and continue to burn within the cockles of how outRAGEOUSLY romantic the lucimon scenario from that very same ask is. like "lucifer being heartbreakingly gentle with solomon and helping him calm down post the latter finally breaking even tho solomon imploding/exploding/crumbling even would be terrifying beyond measure" JEEZE LOUISE-

Bxhdjdic thank you for the well wishes pb! Its nothing big im just super tired recently and just. You know. All that haha but I hope you've been well too and I'm glad I was able to sort of revitalize you!!

But YEAH the fallen golden boys got me too! And I mean we can go fluffy and have that be a source of solace or we can go angst and have one of them (probably lucifer @ solomon) be like "ok but he isn't fallen entirely. Why has he not been damned and yet I have?" and have it be angst 😏

God but just like imagine when they first realize that there may be Feelings thrown into the mix. Like Lucifer and Solomon are having a verbal showdown or something and Asmo, frustrated that his story was interrupted, groans and is just like "Yeesh I could cut your guys' tension like a knife why don't you kiss and make up already" grumbling under his breath

And Lucifer and Solomon just stop and they play it off as like "what an inappropriate thing to say" but really they both have a nervous feeling in their stomach because 1) they may or may not be picking up on the fact that their crush is right in front of them and 2) crush??? Wait no??? I didn't sign up for this?? This is terrible wait hold on

The yin yang thing.....I didn't even notice.....I'm sold....

So I guess welcome to solomonish dot tumblr dot com everybody where Solomon's harem includes not just every Solostan MC but apparently every single member of the Obey Me cast

#lucimon #asked and answered #lucifer #solomon #pubonic blague anon

[thisdreamplace]

i was wondering if i could just rant nothing bad, just a bit of what i’m experiencing.

for a while before learning about law of assumption when spiritual tiktok & the law of attraction side was popular i feel like i took on so many limiting beliefs there. but not just there, in so many ways. i just deleted tiktok. i had enough, i feel like lately the media strains me so far from my inner self & i have been feeling so disconnected. i’m not blaming the media, but sometimes i feel like we all know consuming too much politics & how bad the world is can be so harmful to our minds. anyways, there’s a struggle with limiting beliefs around relationships with guys. i’m glad that we are in a place where everyone is learning & educating about misogyny, but i won’t lie constantly seeing the trope that no good guys or relationships with guys exist had gotten me so down. relationships isn’t a value for me & it’s something i want to take my divine time with. i do want to wait a while before i get into anything, but learning about love within myself i feel included me stepping into what romantic & sexual relationships looks like to me. only now have i realized i have struggled so much with that concept cuz i took on so many beliefs. & for some it’s valid, that’s how they feel, but for me lately i’ve been so down. but really it’s not just in that one area, all around i am dealing with how the media affected me & i really got myself in a shit hole i won’t lie. i love that i have learned about self concept & loassumption as it has made me realize tremendously my power, but also how much i have been not really well. i feel like we all may be feeling like we are at this lining of learning who we are & leaving who we once were which can feel so difficult. i feel like too getting into this stuff has shown me maybe why i suffered so much in the past. i won’t lie i kinda feel like the whole self concept thing is around the same concept of healing & knowing your worthy & deserving which is something i am just now getting into. i’ve just began this journey & i’m still so young at 17 but realizing everything inside of me feels so much more real now. i have been stuck in this place of comfort with hurting & self sabotage where it feels difficult to break away from the old. now i realize how getting to my true peace within my state of mind has become so important. my ups & downs have been so tiring but through the downs i realize what i want my ups to look like. i have dealt with many mental health issues in the past, & i still see the patterns, in fact even now i’m working on fully healing ocd, i am going through a form of it at this moment & it’s so draining when you feel like your thoughts & mind are against you. i think lately my days have been so many tears, lol i have cried so much from releasing & confronting. i won’t lie i feel like even on this journey, i’m learning to love the bit of bricks as i feel like it has helped me to deeply realize my power within myself & to learn to seek myself instead of others.. i apologize that this has gotten long, i just felt maybe others were going through the same phase of life lol. i feel like this road is something i am so grateful for. i know a bit back i seen a post on what you thought about the term ‘meant to be’, i honestly feel like i have explored the depths of this lately, & at this point in my life i’ve noticed the timings of things, just who i was at points was meant to be. learning about this journey was meant to be. some days i have felt i wish i was another person, when the rain comes down & i just feel so down, like when your thoughts are so clouded & sometimes you feel that there is no way out in your mind. but i realize those days aren’t as scary as they seem. i think our mentality through this is so important, especially when we are put in fields of beliefs that have grown dead to us or keep us further from our truths & living as our best self. so when i feel those down days i’ve learned to gently comfort myself that, this is just this moment. but it’s not tomorrow. that i can feel safe enough to release the old story, and step into the new. i hope this made sense lol [1]

continued: [2] i definitely feel im still learning, but i hope this made sense to you & maybe even u can relate a bit when it comes to starting out. i feel like this whole manifestation thing is like a luxury but it’s also a really sweet, sentimental thing when it comes to self. it’s like a warm hug from our higher selves/god selfs that suffering shouldn’t be the beauty of our life. we are already the beauty & love within our lives & that uncovers each time we decide to say i won’t settle for this reality, or each time we have a down day it doesn’t stop us. like there’s always that little hope knowing that we deserve the world❤️✨

Of course y'all can always feel free to come here and rant!

I really appreciate everything you said. I really love your spirit, because it's important to be that way on this journey. Even when it feels like you have so much stacked against you, that small amount of knowing you're going to persist through it is huge. I think one thing I'd like to point out to you, is that is doesn't have to be so difficult in a way. Like, you don't have to think about all your limiting beliefs and think you have to tear them down. There's an easier way, that I wish I had focused on more in the beginning. If you would spend more time connecting to your true self, God, then you would see how these limiting beliefs are actually nothing to fight. When they pop up you would know, "you know what? This isn't even true." Same when it comes to the anxiety you are facing. I know how that's like as well, and it's a matter of knowing your Godself is on your side and you are safe, even if your mind seems so against you.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." - Isaiah 55:8-9

I keep quoting this lately, but I think it's so comforting for those difficult moments. Just read it in relation to your Godself and know that, despite those intrusive thoughts that may come up, you're okay. Things are still working out for you and those undesirable thoughts mean nothing. They cannot stop you. Your Godself is on your side. The more we connect to who we really are, the more all those heavy beliefs/thoughts we held onto begin to dissolve.

I also don't use media heavily and the media I do use, it is very curated to my liking. I really don't see the point in engaging in activities that bring me down, when I simply don't have to. So good for you for taking a step back from it all.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences! 💖

#i am

[misterbitches]

hi! this is long as shit i’m sorry. i hope it makes sense. i ahve adhd and like 5 million learning disorders so this is just word vomit cos there’s so many words in my brain. my b.

i’ve had such a tough day so thank you for replying and sharing! @yeedak​ 

i was thinking about what i wrote and i meant to clarify that as well. some cases are fine for both parties and it’s not like you weren’t consenting and it seems like you were happy! same with my friend who was dating a 20 yr old. if they’re happy you know i’ll clown on ‘em but yea. so for anyone that sees these posts your relationship with your partner who is older or whatever. i’m some dumb girl on the internet okay. ill side eye older ppl tho

i think a lot of people feel the same way you do now (me included.) it feels really good at the time but alter we can see the dynamics playing out. i’m 29 now and i think aging is just such a huge process. it’s wild how you at 31 are a totally different person, right?

and the US racism is probably some of the worst ever in its iteration because of slavery which started from europe etc but USA is so fucking unique bc of columbus bringing slaves here and displacing indigenous peoples or hispanola and because america is so influential the way it views race, particularly with black people as objects, has so deeply permeated into the current historical psyche globally. it’s fascinating to track how necessary anti blackness is to the flourishing of america but also the world at this point. also want to point out how fuckign scary sinophobia is here especially for covid. one is a straight historical line (black ppl + the US) and the other had to be manufactured and to continue to exploit the non-white americans and keep antiblackness in tact.i could go on about this all day. the pain of this place is immense.yet as bad as it is here, this is still the only place i truly feel safe as a black person. because of the unique experience we have in america and through the diaspora especially because we are veyr much ocncentrated here. it would be nice to like move to norway and have some alleviation financially or get free healthcare it’s just not feasible if no one looks like me. it’s fucking tough. 

i hope you don’t hate it here though and people treat you with respect. but as you know being a woman and jewish and an immigrant....shit is tough. the USA is a hellhole. :( america is so deeply tainted and desperately bad because it was founded on strife and blood and there’s no way to reverse that and what this country did in turn when it gained enough power and could capitalize off of the colonial forefathers. this is why we hsould all luv revolution!!!

HOWMEVERRRR 

boy oh boy oh BOY OH BOYYYYYYYY. well wlecome to the world of BL lmao especially as an adult with some obviously deep perspective just given your background. it is a fucking mess and it’s a hard mess to like but it pulls you in. i approach it like i do with soap operas since these are essentially telenovelas, you know? just like the drama at a billion. but the tricky part of that is like....what parts of it do we understand for critiquing? because so many of the shows are so bad at being like good pieces of things to look at just production wise and story wise. but i feel like these shows ask us to take them seriously, so why shouldn’t we take the content seriously? and this is being primarily peddled to young girls. 

i bring this up often but i read this thing about yaoi and the interest younger women/girls have in BL and its fascination with pederasty essentially. this component i think is key when we talk about who gets affected by these things the most. society in general is bad 4 girls bla bla we know lmao but in “more sexually conservative” societies it may be harder for these girls to feel safe even expressing normal emotions romantically and sexually and particularly with guys. some people hypothesized, and i think i agree with this hypothesis, that they can live through the casualness of BL. they don’t feel threatened because they can put themselves into the shoes of the other character. oftentimes, the more feminine or the younger. this was in conjunction with the age gap aspect (they say pederasty as well because there’s unethical age gaps that r gross and that is indeed what we would at least call a touch of sexual abuse if people dont feel like calling it an obsession with youth and power and uhhh young ppl and perhaps kids) where maybe girls could see themselves in these situations as the person being saved, loved, taken care of, and sadly also sexually active and penetrated. 

i think that’s just one aspect of it but i do think there’s validity in who gravitates towards it. i cannot imagine seeing this stuff and not getting enough information as a young kid, i sure as fuck know i didn’t!, and seeing these things and you look at it with 0 critique because you’re young and you may have no interest in it or you simply cannot understand what is wrong. no one is teaching you these things and these shows confirm it. and it is wild how intrinsic patriarchy is to BL although in its existence it also can’t be in line with patriarchy given the nature of two [cis] men!

it begs the question about the replacement aspect. is it just so girls can put themselves in these characters shoes? if so then that means we believe that gender is so interchangeable within our relationships and interactions and that doesn’t seem right. there’s more to lgbtq+ than just existing; it’s finding ways to communicate, finding a family, safety, your people, being a free person. there’s a lot to gain and a lot a lot to lose. and a gay man is also not a woman because those are also two distinct experiences.  especially in societies that have a more hidden aspect to sexuality (idk how to word this bc the BL industry would NEVER survive in america but in a way there’s a more “progressive” look at homosexuality but it’s still fucked up because we live in a Society, you know? at the same time look at what we are doing to trans kids. literally waging war so it’s bonkers how we all collectively have some real progress happening but at the same time not at all. the concept of ‘ladyboys’ and the frequency we see trans people in thai shows is wild and something that we absolutely do not see here in the US. still, none of these groups feel safe or are getting better material conditions in either place. we just show the ways we can try and tolerate oppression witout eliminating it imo)

to me it is clear: it’s money. which most things exist to make money so. but also who is the audience for these shows? and they have to market towards them. all that said all hope is not lost there are some decent shows. it’s just like regular media on TV though where it’s so fucking saturated as an industry that it’s literally sifting through garbage. and there are some days when you can handle the trash and others where it really fucking hurts to watch the violence, the rape, the manipulation, the violations, the stupid messaging. i have never seen more people trying to do mental gymnastics and seeing if things were “technically rape” than in teh BL fandom and that is so fucking sad.

i came into these shows at 28 with almost 0 clue of what as media BL was like esp as media that countries can use as soft power with the revenue. but i realize like...i’m 29 now and so many people don’t have a sizeable, though not huge, amount of life experience. and i wonder for people on the internet who are usually searching for something if they spend so much time on it like what a 15 year old girl thinks. what a 20 year old girl thinks. 

it is incredibly problematic and so awful but there’s also some rewards. if you haven’t i would definitely watch i told sunsset about you which i don’t think i’m going to finish and i doubt i’ll watch the second installment (watch this be a lie) but when i say some fucking impeccable storytelling and art? phew. now that is a fucking piece of media that works. it takes from moonlight heavily and you can see like...the artistic dedication is there and the story makes its world and sets up its stakes extremely well. 

i think because this is marketed towards much younger people too they know they dont have to try as hard. but they SHOULD because then you can have a fucking masterpiece like that. i think even this prolific gay thai filmmaker (who is like solidly against the government) who is so respected (and who i like a lot! if u wanna know i can tell u lmao but the films are very uhhhhhhhh “artsy”) would like i told sunset about you. i wish more people had budget like that and also just cared about the stories. it’s the fucking magic of art to figure out what you can do but there is very little incentive honestly. idk i am very pessimistic. there are days when it’s really a great pick me up and distraction but it is never a place i would love for to feel seen or heard but i’m more of the mind of i never trust the mainstream until they prove me wrong ;) 

or i never trust the mainstream and i still buy into it anyway and then cry when i don’t like what i see adn i yell “BOO GET OFF THE STAGE!” when an old man won’t leave a teenager alone

[fluffymcu]

Grades (Tony x daughter!reader)

Sorry if this is crappy, it’s 1am and I haven’t slept for three days straight so I’m really tired and my brain is functioning correctly 🙃 but enjoy @mettatonlover858

Warnings: bit of angst? Fluff. Kinda dry friendship with peter? Idk why I wrote it like this but I did.

Your grades were slipping. It want your fault though. You were very smart. You were Tony Stark’s daughter so that wasn’t a doubt you were a genius. But it’s just that one kid in class that has to break someone down to feel better about themselves. At first you always brushed it off or ignored it, but as time went on, you found yourself being affected by it. Peter would defend you most of the time when he was there to hear it, but he wasn’t always around when it happened. And although you had inherited a lot from your father; his stubbornness, looks, and smarts, you didn’t inherit his self confidence or ability to spit out sarcastic remarks. You were a sensitive person. So it was hard for you to stand up for yourself.

“What am I gonna do?” You mumbled, rubbing your eyes with your palms. “My dad’s gonna get after me for letting my grades get this low.” Peter looked at you with sympathy.

“I wish u could tell you what to do. But I really don’t know. I’m really sorry y/n/n.” You sighed, nodding.

“It’s fine. I know I’m keeping you from your patrol. Go ahead. Be careful.” You watched as peter pulled over his back back and went for the door.

“Well, let me know it goes.” Peter said.

“Ok.” You watched peter leave and got your stuff and left his house to go home. Maybe you don’t have to tell him about it yet? Maybe you can wait a couple of weeks and get your grades back up again before he finds out? You sighed, agreeing with yourself that that was what you were going to do.

As you got home, your plan was ruined as you were met with your fathers eyes, laced with anger and disappointment. Your stomach dropped and you stood there.

“Umm.” You gulped, waiting for anything to happen.

“Your teacher called.” That was all you had to hear before you turned your gaze to the floor, ashamed. He took a few steps towards you. “Your grades are so. Low. It’s. Insane.” He ground out. You sighed.

“I can explain that-“ you tried to say before he cut you off.

“No y/n zip it. This is unacceptable! You were put in this school to succeed and get good grades. What’s the point in going to a good school if you’re gonna get grades like you’re getting?!”

“I know, but-“

“And it’s not just that, you’ve been so out of it lately, first the sudden quietness out of you, next the locking yourself in your room constantly, shutting yourself off, and now these grades! What has gotten into you? I don’t understand-“

“That’s right you don’t understand!” Your snapped, tears stinging your eyes. “You don’t understand what it’s like to be picked on every single day and not being able to do anything for yourself because you’re too shy and sensitive to fight back because you’re you! You’ve never had a problem saying what you think or putting someone in their place. But I do! So I do understand why you don’t get why this is happening. And I don’t expect you to understand. I’m trying my best!” You sniffled, making a beeline to your room, shutting the door, leaving your dad standing there surprised.

Tony left you to your room to calm while he did the same. He spent time trying to connect the dots, everything that had been happening. He mentally facepalmed at the fact that he never thought to ask you if there was anything going on. He sighed deeply and made his way to your room. He knocked softly before trying to turn the doorknob, only to find it locked.

“Y/n? Can you let me in?” He asked softly, his heart cracking at the sound of your sniffling.

“You don’t need to give me another speech. I get it. I’ll get my grades up, I’ll figure something out.” You whined.

“I’m not here to do that y/n/n. Just let me in. Please?” You sighed before getting out of bed and unlocking the door. As soon as he stepped in, he pulled you into a hug.

“I’m so sorry y/n. I should’ve asked you long ago if something was wrong. I didn’t know you were being bullied.” You calmed down a bit now that he apologized, and you were able to catch your breath. “Why didn’t you tell me someone was bullying you hon’? You know you can tell me anything.”

“I know. I guess I just didn’t want to bother you with it. I though I should just deal with it on my own.” Tony pulled you away, holding onto your shoulders.

“Listen. I’m your father. I’m here to help with your problems. As long as I’m here, you should never have to deal with anything like this alone.” You smiled lightly and once again leaned in to give him a hug.

“Thank you daddy.” You sighed. Tony’s heart warmed at the name you used to call him when you were younger, making him think back to all the memories he had of you two.

Tony sighed and rubbed your back. “Don’t you wish we could go back to simpler times? It just seems as if the older we get, the bigger our problems become.” You nodded, a small smile gracing your lips.

“Yeah,” You chuckled. “Back to the times where the biggest problem I had was dropping my ice cream cone.” Tony laughed as he looked down at you, remembering the time you dropped your ice cream and refused to replace it.

You gasped, staring at the fallen scoop on the floor. Your favorite flavor at the time: strawberry.

“Uh oh. What happened?” Tony asked, trying not to laugh at your dramatically distraught face.

“My ice cream!” You whispered before breaking into tears.

“Awwww.” Tony cooed as he picked you up and held you close as you cried. “It’s okay, we can get you another one.” He said, rubbing your back as you shook your head furiously.

“No, it’s over! It’s over!” You cried, covering your eyes with both your little hands.

“It’s not over baby, you can get another strawberry ice cream!” He chuckled, laughing at your dramatic response to the minuscule problem that could be simply fixed.

“There’s no use!” You shook your head, refusing to take the second cone your dad was offering you. Your dad sighed and gave up, eating the ice cream himself. You looked at him, furrowing your eyebrows before snatching the cone out of his hands, quickly eating it. “Mine!”

“You were so cute. Still are.” Your dad laughed. You shook your head, blushing.

“No m’not.” You mumbled, your heart suddenly feeling heavy as you recalled ask the mean things your classmate told you.

“You’re so ugly it hurts!”

“Nobody careers about you. Even your own mother left you on your father’s doorstep, not giving a crap about you.”

“You’re useless.”

“Yeah you are. Doesn’t matter what those kids say to you.” Tony looked at your downhearted form.

“You don’t even know the things they say to me.” You whisper. Tony frowned and held your hands in his.

“What do they say sweetheart?” You didn’t want to say, knowing it would upset him, but knowing him, he wasn’t leaving until he knew everything.

“Just stuff like I’m useless and nobody loves me. Sometimes that I’m ugly or fat. And if they hear me laugh at something they’ll say my laugh is annoying or something. It’s not a big deal.” You shrugged. Tony’s eyes darkened at the comments you echoed.

“No big deal? The fact that it’s affecting you means it’s a really big deal. I’m so sorry they’re saying those things. They’re just jealous assholes who want to bring people down.” He pulled you into another hug, your back to his chest and resting his head on your shoulder. “You’re a beautiful girl y/n. Your body is perfectly fine and your not fat at all. And your laugh is not annoying sweetheart, I promise. I actually wish I could hear it more often. Ever since this bullying started, your laughter just became non existent over time.”

You nodded slightly, wanting to believe what his words but you weren’t quite there yet. These guys had really brought your self esteem low and you hated them for it.

“You wanna pull off a miracle and smile for me?” Tony teased, looking at you from your shoulder. You rolled your eyes, biting back a smile, avoiding his gaze. “Huh? Just a little smile?” When he was met with more silence, he twitched his finger into your side, smirking at your flinch. “I remember a little technique I used to use on you to get you gigglin’” He teased before full on scratching at your sides, trapping you in his grip.

You squeaked and arched your back, determined to get out of his iron grip (no pun indended) and biting your lip. “Dahad. Don’t.”

“Then just smile. It’s really not that hard.” He looked at you, not seeing what he wanted to see. “Not crackin huh? Well I remember the one thing that always made you crack.” He smirked before blowing a raspberry on your neck.

You squealed and smiled widely instantly, cursing at your dad’s evil method.

“There’s that award winning smile! Now let’s see if we can go a bit further and hear that precious laugh of yours.” He teased, picking you up and dropping you on your bed, straddling your thighs. He immediately went to work on your belly, your worst spot.

You screamed and let out loud belly laughter, kicking your legs out as much as you could with him sitting on them. “DAHAHAD NOHOHO! STOHOHOP!” You slapped at his hands,Tony only ignoring your protests and grabbing your arms in one hand to stop you.

“Listen to that beautiful laughter. Haven’t heard that in a while! I’ve missed it.” He sighed contently, speaking calmly unlike the hysterical giggles and screams coming from you.

“OHOHOKAY! I LAUGHED!” You shook your head and yelped when he targeted under your arms, scratching at the hollows.

“Well, yes, you laughed but you haven’t laughed in months. So you’re long overdue, missy.” He tease, shaking his fingers into your ribs, making you arch your back violently and and scream.

“NOHOHOHOHO DAHAHADDY PLEHEHEHEASE STOHOP!” The feeling was unbearable especially since you couldn’t use your arms to block his evil hands.

“Hang in there I’m almost done. This is the last thing I need to do, but this might tickle a lot. Just warning you.” He smirked before shaking his face into your belly, making sure his beard is doing its job.

You let you and inhuman scream as you shook your head side to side. You couldn’t stop laughing as he rubbed his face into your belly, mumbling and “I love you so much.” Making your laughter go up an octave, before blowing a big raspberry right above your belly button.

This made your laughter go silent after a desperate squeal, your body laying there exhausted, just being able to lay there and take it. Tony let you go with a chuckle and got of you, sitting next to you on the bed.

You panted loudly, holding onto your stomach trying to rub away the residual feeling tingling on your body. “That.. was cruel.” You panted.

“Oh, You’ll live.” Your dad brushed it off as he pulled you on his lap. “You’ll always be my baby, you know that right?” You nodded. “And you can come to me about anything. And I’ll do my best to help you with it. Tomorrow we’ll go speak to your teacher and see if she can give you anorher chance to improve your grades and see if she can do something about these kids making fun of you, Alright?”

You smiled, nodding. “Ok.”

For once in a really long time, things looked like they could finally get better.

#ticklish!reader #ticklish #tickle fic #tickle #tickle fight #avengers tickle #marvel tickle #tickle fluff #tony tickles reader #tony stark x reader #tony x reader #tony stark #iron man x reader #iron man #avengers #marvel #marvel mcu #peter parker #captain america #peter parker x reader #peter x reader #spiderman

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #370

“breakdowns, obscenities, it’s all i wanna be”

Do you have any bad habits you aren’t working on changing? If so, do you ever think you’ll try to break them? Downloading music, for one. I really should just start using Spotify... but my iPod has over 1k songs on it and I just seriously don't want to got through all the trouble. When was the last time someone surprised you with their reaction or behaviors? Hm. I dunno. What kinds of videos do you like to watch on YouTube, if any? I watch SO many different kinds. It used to be pretty strictly let's plays, but I've definitely expanded my watching interests. Now I'm really into watching educational reptile and tarantula husbandry and keeping channels, I watch one woman who is like my weight loss idol (Jordan Shrinks, she is amazing), there's a few vloggers, I enjoy some World of Warcraft channels, and then there's a couple urban exploration guys I like. I also occasionally watch some beauty YouTubers just for their personalities and the art of it. Have you ever reached out to a crisis center for mental health support? If so, how was the experience? Yes, but they were so busy that I didn't connect with anyone before I finally gave up and ODed. When was the last time you did something you were afraid to do, and how was the outcome? Ummmm I don't really know. What is one positive thing you believe about yourself? I care a lot about other people. What is something you have been through that has made you stronger? The breakup. It brought me to the lowest of lows, where every day was a struggle to survive. It taught me I can endure through almost anything, even if it doesn't feel like I can. Other than money, what is something you wish you had more of in your life? Happiness, contentment, being in love, motivation, energy, activities, travel... There's genuinely a lot. IIs there anything that you tend to ignore for the sake of your sanity? I'm very bad at ignoring things. If something is bothering me, it's going to put up a beastly fight to be at the forefront of my mind. What is something you wish was different about your family? I wish we were closer and better off monetarily. What keeps you going lately? The hope for a happy, satisfactory future. Have you ever been in an unconventional relationship (long distance, polyamorous, same gender, age gap, etc)? if so, what challenges did this relationship present, and were they worth overcoming? I've been in a long-distance relationship with another girl. I think the hardest part was that there was not being able to physically be there for each other when one of us was really struggling, and sometimes communication was an issue, not being able to read body language when we voice chatted or hear the tone in which we "spoke" when texting, though I'm pretty sure that's an issue with any online relations. I also feel it's difficult to really build and experience your chemistry with one another when you're not physically with the other person. I still think all these challenges were worth overcoming, though. I in no way regret the relationship and got only good things out of it. What is the most unhealthy relationship (whether friendship or romantic) you’ve ever had? What made it so unhealthy? Do you still talk to each other? I'm kinda torn between Jason and Colleen, but I think my bond with Jason was ultimately more unhealthy because it went beyond love: he was an obsession. Having him with me was the only thing that brought me joy, and I lit-er-a-lly could not imagine my future without him. Like that concept just didn't exist; it was entirely impossible in my head. On his end, he failed to communicate what he was going through emotionally, which only contributed to the damage. I never knew he was struggling because of me. Without realizing it, I put so much pressure on him to make me happy, so to answer the last question, no, we don't, by his decision - and I don't blame him. Have you ever been abusive in any way? Were you able to change or make amends, or, in general, what do you think people should do to make amends in that situation? A neverending battle I have with myself is if how I treated Jason after the breakup was qualifiable as emotional abuse, specifically with messaging him things like "thanks for sending me to the ER" and shit. My therapist reassures me that it wasn't abusive because I wasn't being deliberately manipulative, but rather genuinely hurt and convinced I had been wronged and wanted him to know and acknowledge it. She agrees that it was wrong, which I entirely agree with, but sometimes, I'm still convinced I was abusive. I fucking hate answering this question, so hurrying up: I don't know if he's forgiven me. As for how others could reconcile, that's not for me to say. I know sometimes the answer is to NOT make amends and completely stay away from their abuser. It's not my right to tell others how to cope with their abuse. Have you ever forgiven someone for being abusive or allowed someone toxic back into your life? Did this person change for the better or not? My former best friend Colleen was toxic as all fuck hell, and I let her back in way too many times. No, she never changed. I honesty doubt she ever will, given her pride. When was the last time you did something “meant” for children? Do you think it’s okay for adults to do these things (ie. watch cartoons, have stuffed animals, dress in cute clothing, etc), or do you think there’s an age beyond which it becomes unacceptable - and if so, why? Hmmm... I know this was semi-recent, but whatever it was is evading me at the moment. I personally have zero issue with adults engaging in activities like that; let people do what they enjoy if they're not harming anyone, especially things as innocent as dressing how they think is cute, etc. I would far rather people "act like children" (not emotionally, you know what I mean) than run around the streets selling drugs and shit. What was the last thing to “trigger” you (as in, in a true mental health sense, I’m being serious here) and how did you cope with it? What kinds of things do you tend to find triggering? What do you do either avoid or face your triggers? When I was riding to the sleep study section of the health plaza, where the hospital is, my anxiety spiked quite a bit, recalling all of my ER stays for being suicidal. It didn't help that the psych hospital I visited most is also in that whole jumble of buildings. I dealt with it by reminding myself I was in that area for a very different reason, and Mom reassured me that where I would be staying was more like a small hotel room than a hospital bed, which was true, so that helped. Regarding the next question, I'm not gonna lie to ya, I have a stupid amount of PTSD triggers: certain music, shows, fandoms, places, smells, even tastes of certain foods. I tend to stay away from my major triggers, but I'll *sometimes* fight the tiny ones, because I want that sense of ownership of myself back. If you’re diagnosed with anything, do you feel that it accurately represents what you’re experiencing? Yes. What are some minor physical discomforts that really bug you (eyelash in your eye, a wedgie, rumpled socks, etc)? I'm VERY sensitive to feeling anything in my nose, and it leads to me needing to blow it a lot. I also can't stand having holes in my socks, but since I wear flip flops essentially everywhere, I don't experience this much. Are you ever afraid to admit to liking something because you’re afraid other people will judge you for it? What is the worst that’s ever happened as a result of you liking something different from the crowd? What about the best thing that’s come as a result of a unique interest? Y E P!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nothing really bad has happened because of admitting my interests, other than hearing things along the lines of "I don't get it." It's very odd, just how horribly receptive I am to judgment about things I like when I don't recall a time where I was ridiculed for anything. But anyway, the best thing to happen from sharing interests for me is making a new friend that likes the same thing, and I will IMMEDIATELY be closer to you than most people I associate with once you've helped me past that vulnerable spot of mine. Have you ever remained good friends with an ex? Yeah. Do you have a negative view of mentally ill people, or are you mentally ill yourself? Do you ever call others crazy, insane, etc? Do you ever call yourself those things? I'm mentally ill and empathize heavily with those who suffer themselves. I absolutely do not have a negative look on mental health sufferers; we don't choose to be victims. I'm definitely not a big fan of abusing terms like "insane," because I've fucking been there, and it's not a term to take lightly. I've thrown 'em around before, but I try to avoid it. I don't call myself any of those things nowadays, but in the deepest trench of my depression and PTSD, I honest to God think I fit the definition of "insane." Does it bother you to have people comment on what you’re eating, or do you not care? What are some comments that would bother you, if any? Do you ever comment on what other people are eating or make assumptions about their intakes? YES. JUST DON'T FUCKING COMMENT. I get EXTREMELY self-conscious when my mom does this sometimes when I occasionally need a small snack to hold me out overnight, and I absolutely never will say something to someone else. It's just rude, imo. Well, I guess if someone was really destroying their health and I was close to them, I would out of concern and be very gentle, but when regarding most people? I'm keeping my thoughts to my damn self. Do you like Redbull? I've never tried it and don't want to. I'm not an energy drink fan. Who is the last person you spent money on? My mom. I remember I bought us fast food when we were out once. What are you looking forward to in the next 4 days? G U Y S!!!!!!!!! I GET MY TATTOO TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!! :'''') Also on the same day, I start my TMS therapy, which I have high hopes for. Have you ever gone a whole day without eating? No. Do you sometimes use your music player to help you fall asleep? No, but I did that for years back in middle school. Have you ever had a crush on someone “too young” for you? No. Do you shave your legs more than once a week? Haaaaaaaaa. If you could cuddle with anyone right now, who would you pick? I really wish I could cuddle my late pup Teddy again. :/ I was thinking about that recently. Are you tanned? God no. I never am. Do you try to wear dresses whenever you can? No. I wish I was in a shape where I was comfortable wearing spring dresses again... I had this floral skull one in high school that I adored. Are you wearing something that belongs to someone else? No. Have you ever been called a bitch? Yes. Did you like the person you last kissed when you kissed them? I loved her. Who did you have a meaningful conversation with last? Sara. Do you have feelings for someone? Yeah, but they're like... on a leash, you could say. I don't let 'em run free and wild, and I know that even if nothing comes of those feelings again, it's fine. Are you trying to avoid liking somebody at the moment? I think Jason will be this answer for a very long time, if not forever, given the trauma and all. I have to remind myself frequently that I love his memory, not him, because I don't even know him anymore. It's been YEARS since we spoke. Just like I've changed incredibly, I'm sure he has, too. If you saw life in black & white, would that be okay with you? I mean, it would suck, but it wouldn't be the end of the world. When you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep, what kinds of things are you likely to do? How often do you find you have trouble sleeping? I do exactly what you shouldn't do and get back on the laptop. I'd say I most often get on WoW and refresh the auctions I have up because that tends to tire me out because I do that shit manually to avoid any addon mishaps, and I have a looooot to put up as a gold farmer. What was the last lengthy packet you filled out? Something to see if I qualified for a sleep study. Are you a patient person? What is one way you have a lot of patience? What about not very much patience at all? I am NOT patient, at least regarding more trivial things, like sitting in waiting rooms. I do have patience though with other people with more serious things, like getting someone to open up to me. At what time during the day do you tend to feel your best? What about the worst? When I first wake up. It's a "fresh start" and it's nice to feel rested. Plus, I open a fresh can of cold soda as my "coffee" for lack of better word, haha. I'm in my worst mood probably late afternoon/early evening, by which time I am incredibly bored and just dulled down. What was the last thing you did that you wish you could take back or do differently? The last thing... I dunno. How frequently do you stay overnight somewhere that isn’t your own home? What things do you miss about home when you’re away? Do you tend to get homesick easily? Pretty much never. I do miss my room and its privacy when I'm away from home, but I wouldn't say I get homesick all that easily, so long as I have WiFi, haha. Do you tend to eat more in the beginning of the day or at night? Do you have a tendency to snack when you’re bored? If so, what kinds of snacks do you normally go for? Not necessarily the beginning of the day, but definitely more than at night. I am BAD about snacking when I'm extremely bored, but at the very least I'm conscious enough to try and find something semi-healthy, like granola bars, fruits, a scoop of peanut butter, but I also sometimes just eat like... a slice of bread or a tortilla. Horrible choice. I'm a carb fiend and I hate it. If you have any dietary restrictions, do you ever miss foods you can’t have? If not, what’s something you haven’t had for a long time that you wish you could eat again? I thankfully don't have any. I've been craving cheesecake like a madman lately. :< The spicy shrimp fritas from Olive Garden, too. Is there something you still can’t do even though you’re an adult or might be expected to do this thing? I don't have my license, and my driver's permit is even expired. I'm terrified of driving. I also don't have a job, and I can't cook. When was the last time you congratulated someone? Were you happy for them, indifferent, jealous? Uhhh I think someone on Facebook had a baby. Of course I was happy for them. What was the last milestone you reached in your life (graduating, buying a car, starting a family, etc)? What milestone are you going for next, if any? Um... I haven't reached a true milestone in years. Hell, I don't think since I started recovery from the breakup. Do you enjoy getting comments or messages? How likely are you to leave comments or messages for other people? Yeah, it makes me feel cared about. It really depends on the platform on how much I leave other people comments, and I'm extremely shy about messaging, but I'll do it sometimes. When are you most likely to scream (either out of fright, anger, or whatever)? Do you scream or yell often? When was the last time someone screamed at you (or in your presence)? Frustration, for sure. I've screamed into a pillow more than once. I definitely don't yell or especially scream often. I'm sure the last person to yell at me was Mom, but I don't remember about what. What would you say is your STRONGEST emotion? Maybe not the most frequent, but the most intense? And what emotion do you feel most weakly, even if you might feel it more often? I'd saaaay... maybe love. When I love something/someone, I love HARD. I think I experience joy the weakest; it's very muted for me. And lastly, what are you listening to? Is this a band you listen to a lot "The Heretic Anthem" by Slipknot. I wouldn't say I listen to them a lot, but I have been more than usual lately.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''the heretic anthem'' by slipknot

[songsorter28]

Blackpink: The Album Review

Okay, this is the first time i’ve done this and the truth is i don’t know how, so i’ll just try my best.

First of all: I am a Jennie biased blink. That means I have no trustworthy sense of criticism when it comes to them and if you do, this is probably not the place for you. I will try to talk about this album with a sense of criticism, but sometimes, i’m just gonna like a song because it’s blackpink and y’all just gotta deal with it.

BUT, I am not afraid of saying i don’t like things that the pinks have said it to like, which is actually how i’m starting this review. So, if you guys are all about loving the girls and emotion and “think about how they must feel” this is a decision made by the girls, this place is also not for you either. I am a blink and i share a lot of love for those four women, but i am also a consumer of their work as artists. I will complain if I didn’t get something I thought was necessary as a viewer and listener for my money and attention to be spent. I will not, of course, hate on them in any way.

Ok, before anything:

1) English isn’t my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes. 2) Here, we’re gonna talk about the cover, pre-release single choices, writing credits, tracklist and my honest opinion about the album as a whole.

a) The Cover:

There’s not a lot to talk about but the fact that it’s gorgeous, but simple. I didn’t understand why a crown if the name was The Album (something unoriginal to be honest, but i’m not 100% against it) and there’s no reference to royalty throughtout the album besides maybe Jennie’s rap “didn’t want to be a princess”. I did find the cover visually pleasing tho, could be much more embarrasing.

b) Writing credits and Track List:

This one is quick. I’m extremely glad Jennie and Jisoo were credited as songwriters (Jennie as well as a composer) but Teddy gotta give Danny Chung to god. He hates rapper Jennie and he’s the reason Lisa doesn’t write. He’s always in charge of the raps so teddy gets confortable and Lisa doesn’t get a chance to write her own verses, which is something the sure thing cover showed us she can do. Also, he hates rapper Jennie to the point where she had to write her rap on the title track (wich is good, but, you know what i mean) and wasnt even given a chance to write more than 8 seconds. Melanie I hope this is the last time you were here. Loren you can stay. Tommy and Ryan yall were cute we had fun but it’s over let’s move one (seriously, these producers really made me appreciate Teddy more lmao pls sir never leave us). Okay that’s it. Now, to the track list.

I will be talking about the fact this shouldn’t even be called a full album on the My Honest Opinion About The Album As A Whole topic.

1. How You Like That

I say my opinion more detailed on the next topic but at at essence. Cute. A good opener to the album and what is to come, but too much of a bside to even be a pre release single.

6.5/10

2. Ice Cream

Again, my opinion it’s on the next topic. Cute song. Loved Chaennie’s high notes and wish i didn’t know english so the rap didnt sound that silly. Not as bad as blinks and non blinks make it out to be. 

6.12/10

3. Pretty Savage

I kinda also talked about that in the next topic lmao. It has everything a blackpink song should have. There’s been some controversy about Lisa “born skinny bitch” but Lisa was talking about herself since she has been body shamed through her whole career. She was right and she should say it. You’re entitled to feel uncomfortable but that’s just the thing she wasn’t talking about me or you. She was taking her pain and wearing like an armor. This was a diss track for the haters. Taking that away from her because of our own issues it’s kinda mistreating hers.

8.82/10

4. Bet You Wanna

Yes you guessed it right I talk more about it next topic. It’s a bop. Loved Jennie here. She has such a versatile voice I was very proud to hear her. And Cardi was also good. Just hope Lisa will get her rap part live cause she didn’t have much lines here. But I loved Jenlisa’s brigde. Rosé’s adlibs peak perfection and Jisoo’s chorus and english that’s what i’m talking about. The chorus can be a little repetitive and it kinda ends a bit suddenly but it doesnt bother me much.

8.37/10

5. Lovesick Girls

WHAT TO SAY ABOUT THIS MASTERPIECE OTHER THAN BEST BLACKPINK TITLE TRACK? Love that for me. It was so different than anything they’ve done so far, the lyrics were AMAZING, the message behind it also, the visuals in the MV, storylinne, RAPPER JENNIE OMG, she got the most memorable line “didn’t want to be a princess, i’m priceless” i love her tf the shade to the yg princess title and her scene in the car and in the mental hospital(will not touch on the controversies cause that was annoying) also Lisa’s rap/singing with a flow in the begining her voice OMG I WAS SHOOKEDT. Jisoo’s high note in the brigde? Rosé?? perfect.

10/10

6. Crazy Over You

Rapper Jennie for the last time with a 8 second rap again but LET’S BE POSITIVE. A bop. I loved the i. went. crazy. over. you. I love the lyrics. It bother a bit this much english but it’s bp’s idendity so i’m fine with it.

8.5/10

7. Love To Hate Me

This was a predictable song in the best possible way. Easily one of their best songs. There’s honestly nothing left to say. Also. Lisa’s rap. Maybe Danny Chung deserves some points. It even felt like she was a feat in the song like her flow yall just perfection.

9.4/10

8. You Never Know.

Great song I left with depression.

I like how this album talks with haters and blinks, it really shows a different side from the pinks. Only a few know the emotion Jennie starting off “but you never know unless you walk in my shoes [...] cause everybody sees what they wanna see, it’s easier to jugde it than to believe”. It was written by Loren, a close friend from the girls and the boy who’s Jenlichaeng  boyfriend in the LSG’s MV and Bekuh Boom, a producer who’s been with them for really long, but if anyone got a conspirancy theory that they were involved in the songwriting process of the song, sign me up. You don’t need proves. I believe you. ALSO JISOO GOT MOST LINE ON THIS ONE and we got singer Lisa. After a while, it become my favorite song from the album. Now, it’s my favorite song from their discography. Debate your mother.

9.62/10

c) Pre-Release single Choices: 

I can’t stress about this enough. Whoever was in charge for the single choices needs to go to jail. Not that HYLT is bad (at all) but comparing to the rest of the songs, it look MUCH more like a powerful bside than Love To Hate Me and Pretty Savage ever will. I will lecture later how Pretty Savage was the perfect choice to first release single, just wait. Now, to the controversial Ice Cream. To be honest, i found the song super cute and i think the MV was one of their best. It was different and refreshing, love that for me. But the whole sequence of events that turned out to that disasterous twitter timeline, with constant attacks to the girls especially Lisa over things they cannot control such as line distribuition and a sabotage from antis on yt comment section, was something I kinda already saw it coming. Ice Cream is Blackpink’s most successful single to date, but it was a bad choice from the start (I will talk about that in a second). For starters, YG decided not to promote the song well. While announcing the single, they gave us a poster with pictures from a summer package released months before. And each week they kept doing that, only using actual teaser photos in the release week. The hype was pretty much out. I can’t say my timeline is 100% blink because i have way too many fandoms that i’ve been following for longer than i’ve known kpop, but compared to the HYLT hype, they were pretty down and that’s on YGE. Also, ever since coachella, it’s been antecipated by fans and artists the possibility of a Blackpink x Ariana Grande (one of the most popular singes these last couple of years). The idea of an Aripink collab got blinks (who were already with an eye wide open after Blackpink was seen with Tommy Brown, Ari’s basically oficial producer, who has been producing for her ever since her second album and was reponsible for many hits of her latest project, Thank U, Next, such as 7 rings and Thank U, Next) even more hyped when YG announced (one of those old photoshoot posters. I’m sorry I will never let that go that company is so trash) that Blackpink’s second release was going to be a collaboration with a western artist, and Ariana herself like Jennie’s instagram post about the next single. I cannot put in words the reaction of my twitter timeline when YG confirmed that the collab was actually with Selena Gomez. 

Now, on a more personal note. 

You see, I actually like Selena. I like her songs, besides the critics. Perfect is pop perfection. Waverly Place is the best disney show ever since That’s So Raven. But, to a collab made to the US market, and besides the success of Rare, Selena isn’t a sales force like Adele or Taylor Swift, nor a streaming force like Ariana Grande. Nothing takes my theory that this was supposed to be an aripink collab but, for some reason, she dipped and then interscope (blackpink us label and selena’s label) picked her. Selena showed us a good time and promoted the girls more than YGE did but, it wasn’t a surprise when the song didn’t get a top 10 (a top 13 is really good tho, don’t get me wrong). 

Now back to the story telling

Selena was more than a feat, she sang the whole damn song, getting more vocal lines the the entire vocal line. She’s only a few seconds behind Lisa, who got the most lines in general. I understand that it is a collab, but this is the girls’ single. Why would they want to listen to them for only 16 seconds, the amount of time Rosé got? That set a bunch of solo stans (something that exists more in this fandom than everywhere else) to boycoitt the release, a huge fansite even taking out their funds for the full album (that was low, even for a solo account. JisooBar, you aint seeing heaven). Did i think it was a little of overeacting? As someone who’s an army that had to handle Not Today’s line distribuition, and especially since we’re talking about the main vocalist, someone who will for sure have more lines in the future (as she did), kinda. But, like i said, it was a bomb getting ready to explode at any minute. If it wasn’t that it’d be something else. That being said, NOTHING will ever justify the nastyness y’all did with Lisa and even Jennie’s comment section. Nothing. That was ridiculous even for solo stans. BUT for people who got worried about Lisa’s lack of posts after the release, don’t worry. She didn’t post a lot because Thailand is going through some stuff and I don’t think she has YGe’s permission to talk about it (when I catch the ones in power on that company istg). 

Wow, that was long. At essence, it  was a bad choice for several reasons, but i enjoyed the song a lot. Can’t wait for the live performances with chaesoo’s lines.

Now, back to HYLT. It was greatly promoted, it stopped Zico’s (huge in korea) releases and a bunch of other big artists in South Korea. Got 7 Perfect All-Kills and would’ve gotten more than 12 if the charts weren’t reforming at the time. It also broke a lot of records, and repeated Sour Candy’s position on the bb100 on #33. It’s another very Blackpink song that  I enjoyed but kinda aged. Many non blinks didn’t like it but it’s not like they were ever going to admit they liked a bp song. They’re annoying. The song’s biggest problem is probably the 2015 edm in the chorus. Like. Teddy. You gotta let that go. It’s time. He kinda heard us in the album. But, these kinds of songs are very liked by the general public, especially the korean one. An interview was made asking the general public if blackpink should change concepts and they said a bit fat no. So that tells what you need to know. And that it why i think Pretty Savage should have been the first pre release single. 

Okay, let me tell you another series of event. Back on november 2019, when we were starving because YGe does not like money, BlackpinkBar, a big fansite, payed trucks to be sent to YG building during a whole day demanding for better treatment to Blackpink. You can find all the demands online, but at essence, when it came to music related, blinks always mention: Jisoo’s lines, screen time and blackpink in your area, Main Rapper Jennie, Lisa dance break, Rosé’s high note. On HYLT, we got nothing. And everyone had to shrug it off saying it was just a pre release single, BUT it would be better hyped by blink and the hype to the second pre release would’ve lasted longe if PRETTY SAVAGE, who has basically all of that, was the pre release single. It would’ve assured us of so much. Jisoo said bp in your area twice, she RAPPED, she was singing, she could’ve had more screetime and center time especially bc she’s on all chorus. Jennie Main Rapper would go back and we wouldn’t have to be blue balled (which caused the ice cream meltdown)every single release and only having to wait till the title track and only to have a 8 SECOND RAP. I won’t talk about that now. Moving on. Rosé wouldn’t get a high note, but she would’ve gotten the brigde all to herself and the next pre release single, bet you wanna (wait for it), she would get those incredible adlibs. And Lisa’s dance break. Not only this is bp’s most danceable song and has a bunch of lisa’s raps, it also has jennie’s outro, where for a least 20 seconds lisa could’ve thrived. Yall we were robbed.

Now, real quick, back to Ice Cream. In a perfect world (or just a world where YG’s current ceo) had brains, if they wanted a collaboration to show the pink side of blackpink, with a poppy song and sassy lyrics, the artist not to be in the whole song, and to have an artist who would driven attention from the locals and is a big streaming force, THEY WOULD’VE CHOSEN BET YOU WANNA. My biggest problem with bet you wanna is Lisa’s lack of lines, which could cause stuff and well we just miss her they could have added a rap even for 8 seconds, BUT, seeing her all around pretty savage and knowing she’s gonna have Cardi’s rap during live performances would cool things down. Since we were in the middle of a pandemic, instead of a mv like ice cream where they had to do it separately, they could’ve done something like IU’s eight. A huge part in animation and a few with people. Literally YG why are you so dumb. Bye.

d)  My Honest Opinion About The Album As A Whole:

I did some math (lol) and my rank for The Album is 8.4. It’s easily one of the best releases from this year and I loved it so much, but something were left to be desired and i think i could pass everything and just turn a blind eye at things, except one: the fact we waited for 4 years, watched all ggs and yg groups getting comebacks last semester and only got 8 songs. Loona is releasing a mini album with that amount of songs. Stray Kids and BTS’s mini albums are longer than that. It was bad enough KTL had 4 songs and a remix (a joke) with 2 songs lacking raps and no rapper jennie only for them to carry YG’s dirty name after what their protected boys did. I legit hate it here they didn’t even had 30 minutes, their longest song wasn’t even 4 minutes. Also, before anyone says anything about the girl’s interview about quality over quantity. I’d like to say that i understand them having that when it comes to have one comeback a year and i’m honestly okay with that. But their first full album? 8 songs? Are you kidding me? Like I said, I’m a consumer. I refuse to receive this half assed excuse about quality over quantity when they had more than enough time to produce and write more than 8 quality songs? what, is impossible to write more than one song per moth? these songs have formulas, they can be made more than 8 times. A blackpink album its more than a thousand reals here. That 90% of a sallary. And please don’t come with the “if you don’t want it just don’t buy it” “you can just unstan them” bc that’s not the case. I love their songs. I love the girls. But I’m a consumer of their art and if they want to be takend seriously as artists, they gotta do more than 8 songs on a full album. It’s unfair to anyone that isn’t a diehard fan willing to sell out an overpriced photobook in hours. That’s not the only kind of fan blackpink needs. they need the store locals, the people who are not on twitter or tumblr or instagram. Cause those locals are gonna stay like they stayed with adele and taylor swift. stan twitter is much more likely to leave them with time.

Side note: I’m tired of commenting on rapper Jennie so I’ll just say Jennie deserves better than 8 second raps as the main rapper of the group. That doesnt mean I want Lisa to not rap or to Jisoo not to sing, as many will say bc apparently that’s what people hear when we say main rapper who trained for 6 years to be a main rapper should rap on at least most title tracks even if not on all songs.

But yeah, that’s it. Besides the unfortunate final note, I loved The Album and now Blackpink it’s my second most listened artist of all time. They were top 13 before the album.

#Blackpink Jisoo Jennie Rosé Lisa TheAlbum The Album AlbumReview Album Review Kpop

[queenofnohr]

Aeaean Spring Breeze - Ch. 1: Breathe Like it’s Any Other Monday Morning

(Here’s the dreamwidth link for easier reading)

[in My Room]

Circe: Ugh…… For some reason…… Motivation…… Dwindling…... Fou: Fo~u...... Mash: Once again, Circe is slacking off in Master’s bed…… Circe, every time you do this, senpai turns up with “perfect” timing. Circe: It’ll be fiiiiiiiine. This time I’ve set up detection magic, after all~. Mash: I see. But isn’t that a violation of privacy? Circe: Just be cool, be chill. I’m worried about Master, so it can’t be helped.

[you come in]

> No, it can be helped

Circe: Gah!!

*the sound of her falling off the bed* *the sound of her shakily getting up*

Circe: H- Hey, Piglet! How did my detection magic get disabled? …...Medea! This is SO getting old and that girl is getting downright vicious! Always butting in on other peoples’ love lives, this is why I’ll never find a new partner! Fou: Fou, fo~u. (Translation: Like student, like teacher.) Arjuna: ......Circe. We are of different classes and different places of origin, and as such thought it prudent to avoid conflict due to our different values. However— I cannot overlook your actions. Go sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done. Circe: Eugh. Who appointed you head of the disciplinary committee? Arjuna: Disciplinary committee……? Perhaps I am. After all, even Osakabehime said that I was like a “white-uniformed disciplinary committee member or student council president as a second pick” Mash: Yeah! You really do have the good sense of a Japanese student! Fou: Fou, fofo~u......! (Translation: Your good sense is a little off, Mash……!) Arjuna: ......No, this is all beside the point. We confirmed the existence of a Micro-Singularity. Circe: Huh. Mash: ! Arjuna: The Chaldea staff are busy with the investigation and analysis of Lostbelts, so they want Mash to be in charge of monitoring it. Mash: Leave it to me. I’m happy to receive orders straight from the student council president himself! Circe: So, where is this Singularity? Arjuna: Right— It’s at Aeaea Island. Circe: ...... ...... What did you just say?

> Aeaea Island Circe: Guh…… Mrr…… Ugh……

> Isn’t that the island where you lived, Circe?

Circe: ...... ...... ...... ......Yeah, it was.

Arjuna: Then I’ll make this briefing quick. The era seems to be the Age of Gods, if not, somewhere close to it. Circe: Ehhhhh…… About that island…… I only have bad memories of it, so…...

> Was it painful?

Circe: ……I feel like I had a bad dream about that island recently.

> Is that so……?

Circe: Uhm...... Errrr......  

Jason: Ha. That’s not a reason, you just wanna skip out. And I wanna skip this mission too! Orion: I- I- I also wanna skip out. I mean, Artemis isn’t even gonna be there. And if she’s not there, I’m useless. Arjuna: Putting Jason aside, Orion…… What happened to that goddess? Orion: It was something weird like a meetup for goddesses in a relationship or something. And thanks to that, I’m free. Arjuna: Then that’s even more reason to take you along. After all, it’ll be easier to keep an eye on you if you’re with us. Orion: Why do I get this kind of treatment!? Jason: Sounds right to me. Georgios: It’ll be good for both of you. Circe, if you don’t want to go, you don’t have to. I will be departing for the front. Jason: What? That’s unusual for you, Georgios.

> I meant to ask Chiron, but—

[flashback]

Chiron: If I go, Jason might be nervous. When he tries to show me how much he’s grown, he ends up making mistakes…… that’s the impression I get. I’m terribly sorry to suggest a replacement, but how about Master Georgios? If you bring him along, he’ll surely help balance the party.

[end flashback]

Jason: Huh!? HUH!? What the hell is Chiron on about!? I don’t get nervous at all just because he’s around! I’m the man who journeyed across the sea on the Argo! Orion: I don’t really know what he’s talking about, but you probably will have a lot of screw ups. Arjuna: I agree. To be honest, I can picture it all in my mind. Jason: Since when did you guys get to be such a bunch of know-it-alls!? ……Well, it’s fine. So, what are you gonna do, Circe? It doesn’t matter if you go. It’s a Micro-Singularity, so three Servants should be more than enough. Orion: Including me? Jason: Why would you think you’re included in that number? I’m not gonna rely on the skills of a stuffed animal.

> Orion is pretty calm

Orion: Oho, so you’ve finally zeroed in on my strengths, Master. That is, being able to pull back and look at everything from a bird’s eye view. Fou: Fou...... Circe: Oh…… I— I’m sorry. It’s kinda…… Um…...

> You don’t need to force yourself.

Circe: Thanks. No, wait a second…… Let me think…… Orion: (......Why is this “Great Witch” frozen and twitching in a corner of the bed) Jason: ……We’ll be on our way now. I think we can manage without one or two Great Witches. Circe: Wha!? Jason, isn’t that super rude of you? If you don’t have a Great Witch, won’t you be in trouble? Jason: ……Alright, let’s go! Circe: Agh, wait. I said wait! Let me think on it a little more——

[we Reyshift]

> In the end, she just sorta went with the flow…… 

Jason: The result was gonna be the same either way. Let’s go, Great Witch. Circe: I have a bad feeling about this. Guh…... Georgios: Mm. Even so, it’s quite picturesque. The color of the Greek sea is beautiful. Then, I’ll take one…… 

[he snaps a photo]

Orion: I’ve been thinking this for a while, Master Georgios, but where’d you pick up that camera? Georgios: Well, it became my hobby without me realizing it. Perhaps I used the Grail to wish for it in some Holy Grail War. …...I’m joking, of course. Orion: …………You got me! (I have no clue what to say when such a grave guy cracks a joke) Mash: ……Ah, everyone, we’re getting a Servant reading immediately. Jason: A stray Servant? Mash: Yes. It seems to be an unknown Heroic Spirit whose Saint Graph has yet to be registered with Chaldea. Arjuna: We don’t know if they’re friend or foe. Let’s approach with caution for the time being. Orion: …………Not that it matters, but. Why “stray” Servant? Jason: Because calling them “wild” Servants totally changes the meaning. Wild Servants are ones like Atalante, Penthesilea, and other meathead Servants. Mash: Jason, Jason— Those two are currently in the control room, so…… Penthesilea: Hey, Jason. I’ll be sure to give you a “warm” welcome when you get back. Atalante: I think I will as well. Tell me, captain, which do you prefer? Being a target or being a crash dummy? Jason: Mash, tell me who’s in the room with you sooner!! It’s a matter of life and death for me! Arjuna: ……Perhaps it’s better for you to keep your mouth shut? Jason: Shut up, Mr. Logic! I’m the type of person who’s got something to say for everything! Georgios: So you admit you talk too much. Circe: *sighhhhhhh*...... This is a total bummer…...

> You okay?

Circe: Yeah, it’s just mental strain, I’m fine physically. Mash: Are your memories of Aeaea Island that bad? Circe: ……Overall, the memories I have of it are good ones. I have just one bad memory. But you know what they say, right? One rotten apple is all it takes to spoil the barrel…… Jason: Odysseus? Circe: Has anyone else ever told you how insensitive you are!? Jason: They have. Circe: What’s with that attitude!? Orion: I mean, sooner or later it was gonna come up, right? Your legend is super famous. Even you know it, right, Master? Circe: !!

> Of course I know it.

Circe: *grumbles* Well, at least there’s no need to explain. Right, moving on! Jason: Well, the gist of it is she was totally rejected by the guy she fell in love with. Circe: Can you be a little more tactful—!? Is this just what human royalty is like!? 

> Not very well……

Circe: Yeah, exactly. It’s nothing you need to know about, Piglet! Orion: Oh, then I’ll explain it. Circe: It’s. Fine. Just. Drop. It. Orion: It was after the end of the Trojan War. Odysseus got on a boat to return home…... Circe: You’re rea~lly doing this, huh. Orion: But he was set adrift. A bunch of other stuff happened, but long story short, he ends up washing up on Aeaea Island. Jason: But the witch who lived there didn’t trust humans, so they got turned into animals. Stuff like pigs and lions and wolves. Orion: Even though they were welcomed in, Odysseus’s men were also transformed into pigs. But she sure apologized quickly when Odysseus got angry and pulled a sword out.  Circe: Agh- Geh- Guh…… (She’s writhing) Jason: And then, in exchange for turning his men back to normal, she got Odysseus to stay. ……Now that I think about it, you’re pretty good at doing business…… Circe: You think that’s what’s admirable!? Orion: But, ya’know, from the start Odysseus already had a wife, Penelope. After recuperating his strength on Aeaea Island, he decided to return home. Circe: (She’s starting to get into the depressed loner at PE pose) Jason: And that’s the story of how Circe got rejected! Circe: ーThank you all for your “courteous” explanation. I’m so gonna turn you guys into pigs!!

Orion: ......Huh? Hey, Master, do you think that guy way over there is the Servant? They’re collapsed on the beach. Jason: Oh, maybe they smell bad and that’s why all those Phantasmal Beasts are gathering around.

> W- We have to help them!

Georgios: Indeed. Let’s move out! Circe: Fine, but I’ve still got a number of complaints, so— Jason: Forget about that and help!!

[battle]

Georgios: That should be it. Now then, everyone, if you would be so kind. Everyone: ? Georgios: Smile.

[he snaps a photo]

Jason: I smiled on instinct, but is there a reason why you had to take a picture? Georgios: For the memories, of course. Circe: Well, we should probably get to waking up this Servant, right? Good grief, we really are a bunch of insensitive heroes…… Hey, are you okay? …… …… Hm? Hmmmmm?

> What is it?

Circe: I- It’s nothing. Super, totally not even a thing, ya’know? Jason: I thought the back of their head looked strange, but it’s a helmet, huh? Oi, they might be drowning in there. Why don’t you take off his helmet? Circe: ...... ...... Orion: Georgios, teacherー please helpー. Georgios: Right. And-a-one, and-a-twoー ???: Ug…… Ugh…… W- Where am I……? Jason: Oh, he’s alive. ???: Who are...... you people......?

[Circe is constantly at the side of the frame while we’re talking]

> We’re from Chaldea

???: Chaldea......? Jason: If you don’t know Chaldea, does Jason or Orion ring a bell? ???: ......Those are the names of legendary heroes…… Are you saying you are too? Georgios: I am Georgios. The thing that looks like a bear at first glance is Orion. And the man who’s crossing his arms, slowly backing away, and thinking things like “When I get my chance I’ll turn tail and run”...... That one is Jason. Jason: Why do I get roasted for my introduction!? Georgios: Moving on— Oh? What happened to Circe?

> Huh?

???: ......Circe? Mash: Circe seems to have slipped away. Orion: Just what does she think she’s doing…… Hey, you guys stay here. Master and I will find her. Jason: So she ended up skipping out after all. ???: Circe…… Georgios: She’s the famed Great Witch of Aeaea Island. You’ll meet her in a bit.

Node 2

[at a waterfall]

ーAll at once, I ran away. I don’t understand what’s happening right now. All I knew was that I had to get away from that suffocating atmosphere.

Circe: *pant*…… *pant* *pant*…… So that bad feeling I had was right…… 

……I thought this day would come. Because he is a hero. A hero among heroes. Of course he would be summoned, the only question is when.

Circe: It probably wouldn’t be a problem if it wasn’t a chance meeting.

Why did it have to be this, of all things? I just had to find him summoned to Aeaea Island. Where it all began.

Circe: What’s gotten into me, running away like that!? I’m not usually this bad. Right now I am first and foremost— Guda’s Servant. …… ……

……If I could just breathe and sort my feelings outー But even as I think this……

[there’s a noise]

Circe: Can everything just be quiet!

> Circe!

Circe: Guh, Master!!

[she starts shifting around]

Circe: *fiddles with her hair* *pulls her own cheeks* *checks her face in a hand mirror* *turns away, then looks back with a smile* Hey hi, what’s up, Piglet! Orion: Stop looking in the mirror and help us fightー!! Circe: You’re just a bear that doesn’t understand a maiden’s heart!!

> Preparing for combat!

[battle]

> Now then, what’s wrong?

Circe: ...... ......Ugh. It’s about that guy we found on the beach.

> Do you know him?

Circe: I do know him. I know him very well. That man’s name is— ......Odysseus. He’s one of the few heroes that survived the Trojan War. The man who devised the Trojan Horse and led the Achaean forces to victory. ……A man who was set adrift for a long, long time on his way back to his beloved wife. ……A man who spent a bit of time with me here, on Aeaea Island.

---

T/L: Only one! The section where Circe is “frozen and twitching at the corner of the bed” is a phrase that I do believe got translated (re: her connection to Penelope in Material Book VI) as “curled up in a fetal position”. I think, perhaps, the description in the Material Book could be translated as that, but that turn of phrase seemed much too severe for Circe in this moment. The feeling here is more like “are you sure you want to think on it” rather than “oh something is seriously wrong here”

Prologue ← → Ch. 2

#fgo #fgo translation #grand order #aeaean spring breeze #my translations #long post

[lady-divine-writes]

Kurtbastian fic - “Dreamscape - Chapter 4” (Rated NC17)

Snarky, conceited Sebastian Smythe is "recruited" by the U. S. Government into a project that uses psychics like himself to enter people's dreams and cure them of their nightmares. The scientists running the study are Dr. Kurt Hummel, himself an empath, who's not at all impressed by Sebastian's abilities, and Dr. Jesse St. James, using this project more to further his own ambition than to actually help people. Kurt hopes his research will help soldiers suffering from PTSD overcome their nightmares so they can better readjust to civilian life, but someone else has an eye on Kurt's project, an interest in using 'dream therapy' for a far more nefarious purpose.

Inspired by the movie 'Dreamscape'

Read on AO3.

Kurt walks a step ahead, leading Sebastian around another labyrinth of halls exactly the same as the others – white, featureless, bearing no signs or distinctive marks, nothing to indicate where they’re going. Sebastian spots a few other people trying to negotiate the labyrinth far less competently than Kurt. One even walks straight towards a wall, stares at it in confusion, then turns and walks the opposite way. But Kurt takes the first left, then the next right, never once second guessing his way. He must have walked these halls back and forth for miles if he can get around them this easily. Or paced them late at night, lost in thought, pondering work until the early hours of dawn? Does he live here? Sebastian wonders. By the looks of his office, he does. Probably married to his work. If the lack of a ring on his left ring finger can be trusted, that’s the only thing he’s married to.

Boyfriend, then? Not unless the object of his affection lives here, too. Kurt’s work seems to be his passion. The way he talks about it, the impressions Sebastian gets from him psychically, he can’t imagine much else in Kurt’s life can compete. Sebastian remembers his days as a guinea pig, remembers the faces of work widows beaming from behind the glass of 5-by-7 frames.

He remembers how little the people in those pictures occupied the thoughts of those who kept them.

If Sebastian agrees to be a part of Kurt’s work, maybe he’ll become one of his passions, too. In all his days of whoring, he’s never slept with another person who had anything close to psychic ability. He’s never wanted to. He enjoys being in control. The thought of getting inside Kurt’s tight ass makes Sebastian’s mouth water, but the thought of getting inside his mind, getting past his wall, being completely inside with Kurt inside of him as well makes walking behind him unbearable.

Regardless, if Sebastian is going to stay here (and he has to face the fact that he probably will. It’s not like he has anything better to do, and at least here, things promise to be interesting …), he has no idea how he’s going to find his way around. He has a lot of talents, but using a compass is not one of them.

“You’ll get used to it,” Kurt says. “It’s really not that confusing once you’ve walked around once or twice. As for where I live, that’s none of your beeswax.”

Sebastian grins. Kurt stops there, but if he knows that much, he must know it all. “How do you know what I was thinking if your powers are passive?”

He can’t see Kurt’s face, but he knows he’s rolling his eyes again. Sebastian can practically hear it. The poor man must be giving himself a migraine.

“Because you’re trying so damned hard to read my mind that you’re going to become a permanent resident.” Kurt walks them down a new hallway. This one looks different from the rest, painted a pale beige with a row of wooden doors lining only one side. “These are the dorms,” Kurt says, gesturing to them. “We have a handful of psychics working with the program. They all stay here.”

“Will I be meeting any of them?” Sebastian stares at the doors, trying to get an impression of what’s inside, but he can’t. A barrier exists on them, too. That’s fine with him. He’d rather not let them know he’s there yet.

“The doors and the walls are designed to block psychic ability. That way you guys can’t invade one another’s privacy. Only two are in house at the moment: The Wonder Twins - Madison and Mason McCarthy.”

“Brothers?”

“Brother and sister. They work in concert. They’re stronger together. We’ve tried to get them to room separately, but one can’t seem to exist without the other. They’ll be in the room next to yours.”

“They room together?”

Kurt shrugs. “They’re inseparable.”

Sebastian raises an eyebrow. “They’re not …”

“No one knows for sure and we don’t talk about it. As long as they keep whatever it is they do behind closed doors, we don’t judge.”

“Jeez.”

“What?”

“You treat me like a cartoon villain for gambling and sleeping around, and yet you’re not going to judge the incest twins?”

“That’s a crude assessment of the situation.”

“But it’s accurate.”

“Depends on your definition of accurate,” Kurt says, pulling a key out his pocket and unlocking the last door in the row. “And it’s … and but …”

“I know how I define but …”

“Play nice.”

“Don’t worry, Doc. I have every intention of playing nice.”

Kurt switches on the lights. Sebastian follows him inside, but he doesn’t need to look around. He knows what these dorm rooms look like. He’s lived in enough of them, and they’re all the same – a few notches up from a Motel 6 but about a hundred steps down from anything even resembling a home.

“What do you think?” Kurt tosses Sebastian the key, but they change direction and land on the mattress.

“It’s about a tenth the size of my apartment, but I guess it’ll be fine … if I stay.”

“If you stay,” Kurt repeats with a knowing smile.

“I’ll have you know that I am a very busy and important man. My time is very valuable.”

“I’m sure it is. But do you think you can hang out for a couple of minutes? There’s someone from our program who wants to meet you, and he should be here …”

“… right about now,” Jesse St. James interrupts, waltzing into the room without knocking. The air surrounding Kurt goes cold – not physically, but mentally. Icy fingers seep into his skull, weeding between the bricks of his psychic wall and filling him with dread. Threads of it wrap around him and squeeze the second Sebastian utters the name: “Jesse.”

“That’s still Dr. St. James to you, Sebastian,” Jesse teases. At least, Kurt assumes he’s teasing. It also sounds a bit like a threat. “It’s good to see you.”

“I wish I could say likewise.”

“You’re looking well.”

“Yeah, well, you look old.”

“I think you’re mistaking stress for age. You see these grey hairs?” Jesse runs his fingers through his hair. “They’re because of you.”

“Right.”

“Whether you believe it or not, they are. Your parents left you in our care and you split. Left me high and dry with an overheated biofeedback machine, a machine that you destroyed, remember? If you didn’t want to come back, you could have gotten in contact with me somehow, told me that you were alive.”

“Maybe I didn’t want you to know that I was alive.”

“Sebastian, I’m hurt. I was worried.”

“Worried about me, or your research grant? Or was it your Nobel Prize? It was really hard to pin down exactly what it was you cared about back then.”

“I’m not going to lie to you, Sebastian, because I know you’d be able to tell. All three.”

“I’d apologize, but we both know how bad a liar I am.”

“So you really didn’t care about us?”

“Nope. Not one bit.”

“I see.” Jesse stares blankly at Sebastian, for a length that makes Kurt - skirted to the sidelines the second Jesse walked into the room - uncomfortable. Then Jesse begins to smile, and that makes Kurt even more uncomfortable. But no one more so than Sebastian who, even with his smirk still cemented in place, looks as though he’s shrunken a full foot, migrating towards the corner of the room until he’s nearly to the head of the bed with his back against the wall. “No matter,” Jesse says brightly. “Water under the bridge. Let’s put that all behind us and start over fresh. Whatcha say?”

“I say thanks but no thanks. I have no intention of sticking around here with electrodes glued to my ass. I don’t know about you, Dr. St. Sucks, but I had a life outside these walls before your goon squad dragged me down here, and quite illegally, I might add.”

“Illegally?” Jesse chuckles. It’s a laugh Kurt has never heard before … and it sends chills down his spine. “Let’s talk about that word, shall we? Illegal? Because for as smart as you are and as talented as you were, you seem to have forgotten the definition of that word.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean all those jobs you pulled. All the casinos you swindled. You’re safer locked away in here with us than you are out in the real world. There are prices on your head you don’t even know about. Why, right now, there’s a whole other goon squad staking out your apartment, waiting for you to return so they can break your fingers and bust your knee caps. But hey, if that’s the life you’re so eager to get back to, I can have Karofsky and Puckerman drive you home. Plop you on your doorstep. Is that what you want?”

“Jesse …” Kurt says, pushing as much warning into his voice as he can muster. He’s known Jesse to be manipulative. He’s known him to be downright mean. But he’s never seen the man this ruthless. God. Kurt doesn’t know Jesse St. James at all, does he? Who the hell was he sleeping with all those years?

Sebastian’s eyes slip momentarily from Jesse’s face to Kurt’s, but not so that Jesse can see. It’s in his mind’s eye, and only for Kurt. He needs to know Kurt is still standing there, witnessing this, even if he isn’t entirely on Sebastian’s side.

“Fine by me,” Sebastian says. “I can take care of myself. Been doin’ it for a while now.”

“Now, look,” Kurt intervenes, stepping forward with an arm extended, needing to put distance between Sebastian and Jesse. Between Jesse and himself. “We didn’t bring Sebastian all this way to threaten him. We brought him here because we need his help. He’s our guest, and I expect him to be treated that way … by everyone. Do you understand?”

Jesse doesn’t look at Kurt, too wrapped up in this pivotal moment, the one he’s been waiting years for.

The opportunity to put Sebastian Smythe in his place.

But as challenging as Sebastian has been so far, as uncooperative, Kurt doesn’t feel the man deserves it.

“Of course, darling.” Jesse throws Kurt a wink, the kind that declares a claim. “Whatever you say.” He claps his hands hard, then rubs them together. “So, how’s about dinner? I don’t know about you two gentlemen, but I’m starving.”

“Yeah,” Sebastian says, “sure. Whatever. Will you be joining us, Dr. Hummel?”

If the Dr. Hummel doesn’t get Kurt’s attention, the voice in his head definitely does.

Don’t leave me alone with him. Please?

Kurt looks over his shoulder at Sebastian, but he doesn’t see a man behind him. He sees the boy from the photographs in his file, sparkling green eyes smiling up at him, guileless and unaware of what the future holds for him. So many places this child could have gone, so many things he could have accomplished if not for this ‘gift’ he never wanted. As much as Kurt will persuade him to use his talents for the greater good, to help mankind, he knows, in part, it’ll be to further his own interests. And no matter how noble and selfless those interests may be, he’s still doing Sebastian a huge disservice. He’s taking away his freedom, his comfort, the security he’d created for himself, and offering him nothing in return.

He owes him something.

Protecting him from Jesse St. James seems like a small price to pay for everything Sebastian will sacrifice if he participates in this study.

“Sure. I’ll join you.”

Kurt turns to Jesse and sees his ex lover with new eyes. They’d transitioned painlessly back to colleagues after parting ways and, Kurt had thought, friends. But the man standing in front of him? He’s getting progressively harder to recognize. Kurt takes a step towards him, but he doesn’t move, eyes locked on Sebastian, waiting for Kurt to leave the two of them alone.

Kurt will be damned if he’s going to let that happen.

He puts a hand on Jesse’s arm. “Dr. St. James, if you don’t mind, you and I need to talk … in private. Sebastian? We’re going to leave you be. Give you time to adjust. We’ll send a driver to come get you in an hour.” It takes most of Kurt’s might to get Jesse to budge, but he pulls him out the door. “I suggest you don’t try to leave before then.”

“Why? Are there cameras?” Sebastian asks, loosening when he sees Jesse get farther away. “Am I wired? Did you find a way to microchip me without my knowing?”

“Sort of. We recorded your heat signature when you walked in. Your vitals, too – heart rhythm, blood type, brain wave activity. We have you set to rights, Mr. Smythe. You can’t go anywhere where we can’t find you.”

“Really? And where are you storing all of that information?”

Kurt raises a hand to his head and points to his temple. “Right here. And just so you know, I have an eidetic memory.”

“Do you now?”

“A-ha. It’s one of my many secret talents.” Kurt’s flirtatious smile unravels Sebastian’s knots, re-ignites that glimmer of mischief in his eyes. It’s a relief that despite Jesse’s untimely douche reveal, Kurt may manage to win Sebastian over yet.  “See you in an hour.”

“It’s a date.”

Kurt ushers Jesse out of the room before Sebastian has a chance to remember that he will be joining them and closes the door. Knowing what’s in store now that they’re out in the hall, Kurt drags Jesse away, praying he can get him around the corner before he explodes.

“Is that how you plan on training up Sebastian then? By fucking him?”

“Don’t be ridiculous! But even if that was my game plan, it’s a better one than yours! Threats and intimidation? What was all that bullshit about anyway? You were supposed to welcome him, extend a hand in friendship, and build bridges, not burn everything down to the frickin’ ground!”

“You don’t know him,” Jesse growls, dropping his voice when they pass a group of interns, Sam included, watching their argument unfold with concern. “You don’t know what kind of person he is, or what it takes to keep him in line.”

“And you do?”

“Yes, I do!”

“Is that why he left your program?” Kurt spits, grinding their sprint to a halt. “Is that why you lost track of him for all these years? Because you know how to handle him so well?”

Jesse grabs Kurt’s arm and pulls him toward a recess, out of the line of sight. “You’re out of line.”

“I’m out of line? You keep forgetting who you are and why you’re here! You think I’m some poor, innocent sheep wandering through the woods, but I’m less naïve than you take me for. You are a part of this project because of me, not the other way around. And maybe you have more experience dealing with the likes of Sue Sylvester, but my reputation isn’t in the toilet. Yours is! If we lose our funding, it may take me forever and a day to find it elsewhere, but I will find it because my research is solid. Where do you think you’re going to end up?” Jesse glares hard, but Kurt glares harder. Energy winds through Kurt’s irises, makes them glow faintly white. It lasts for a second, but it startles Jesse into blinking, and behind the arrogance, Kurt can sense a smidgen of fear. “Pull another trick like that again and I will have you booted from the project. I’ll have your security clearance pulled. And I’ll have you three thousand miles away from this facility before you can pack your bags.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”                                        

“Wouldn’t I? Try me and find out.” Kurt wrenches his arm free, straightens his shoulders, and continues off down the hallway.

“This isn’t over, Kurt,” Jesse calls after him. “We’ll settle this over dinner.”

“No, we won’t. Because you’re not coming.”

***

“Another IPA, sweetheart?”

Sebastian looks up from the drink he’s been bothering, an inch of melted ice with a weak head of foam, and smiles at the blonde waitress who’s been fussing over his booth for the past forty minutes. He’s fairly certain another customer in her section has been trying to summon her for a refill, but she spends most of her time orbiting Sebastian, making sure his every need is fulfilled. “Nah, I’m good.”

“Are you ready to order?”

“Thank you, but I’m still waiting till …”

“… your date shows up?”

“More of a job interview than a date, really.”

“Well, whoever they are, they’re an asshole for standing you up.”

“Not an asshole, just late,” a voice chips in. “I got a little held up. Sorry. Can I have a Sprite on ice and a Caesar salad, light on the dressing? Thanks.” Kurt slides into the bench across from Sebastian, overlooking the waitress’s side-eye of death. If it were anyone other than Kurt, Sebastian would say he’s oblivious, but he knows better. “Did you find the place alright?”

“Seeing as I didn’t drive myself, I found it just fine.” Sebastian glances suspiciously around as Kurt begins unfolding napkins and laying them on the seat beside him. “Where’s Jesse? Didn’t you guys come together?”

“To be honest, I asked him not to come.” Kurt sheds his jacket, folds it carefully, and places it on the pile of napkins beside him. “I want you to agree to be part of my project, and I’m not taking any chances.”

Sebastian bounces his eyebrows. “You want me, huh?”

“I want your abilities. Your talent.”

“And what does Dr. St. James want?”

“What he wants doesn’t matter. Despite what you may end up hearing to the contrary, this project is mine. I conceived it, I worked to get it funded, I get the final say. I don’t need him putting it in jeopardy any more than he has. It’s too important to me.” He lays two final napkins on the edge of the table and rests his arms over them. “I may have noticed that you don’t seem to like him very much.”

“I’m not afraid of him, if that’s what you think. It’s just …” Sebastian pauses when the waitress returns with his beer. She thunks a bottle of Sprite and a glass brimming with ice in front of Kurt, but he doesn’t acknowledge her irritation. His eyes never stray from Sebastian’s face “… he reminds me of my dad.”

“In what way?”

“When I was little, my dad was cool. I was an only child, and at the time, I could do no wrong. But then, when we found out about my gifts … well, no matter what I did, I couldn’t do anything to please him. Nothing was ever good enough. It got to the point where he would get pissed at me for wearing the wrong clothes, or chewing my food too loudly.”

“And why was that, if you don’t mind my asking?”

“Because I had the potential to be so much more in his eyes. I could be the youngest Supreme Court justice ever to sit the bench with my ability to read minds. I could join the military, be a high ranking official, or a super spy stealing government secrets.” Sebastian chuckles. “I think he may have read one too many dime store novels as a kid, you know? Kind of sad that he didn’t think I could accomplish some of those things without my so-called gifts.”

“What did you want to be?” Kurt recalls the image of the boy begging for his help. Juxtaposed with what he’s seen of Sebastian - a gambler and a womanzier, and what Jesse has said about him, Kurt doesn’t know what to believe. It doesn’t escape Kurt that Sebastian could be conning him now, but wouldn’t he feel it if he were? No. The man sitting in front of him, telling him this tale, seems too honest.

Still, it’s a confusing image to shake.

“Just a normal everyday Joe. I wanted to go to college, major in business, spend a few years traveling the globe, then settle down in New York City and open my own firm. Or a hotel. I was on the fence.”

“Wow. You think your dad would be proud of that.”

“I know, right?”

“And Jesse was the same?” Kurt shifts his attention to his soda, frowning when he sees the cap firmly affixed to the bottle. He searches the table for a bottle opener, then around them for their waitress, who ducks out of sight when she sees Kurt lift his head.

“Allow me.” Sebastian reaches out, hand hovering over the cap. With a twist of his wrist, he opens it.

Kurt is the only person in a position to notice Sebastian did it without touching the bottle.

“Thanks,” Kurt says, pouring his soda into his glass, “for being subtle.”

“Better enjoy it. It might not last.”

“I’ll bet. As you were saying?”

“When Jesse discovered me at Dalton, he, too, was part of a program that was helping people. Non-verbal people, working to find alternate ways for them to communicate. It seemed like the kind of work my mom would be proud of me for doing so I volunteered. I thought if I could make something of myself through this program, become a doctor or something, my dad might be cool with me again. But as Jesse helped me develop my talents, we became involved in other studies, military studies, things that weren’t explained to me, that I didn’t understand. But, apparently, my understanding what I was working on wasn’t a pre-requisite. That’s when I realized that, as long as I had these gifts, I was no longer a person. I was an entity. An asset. My wants and needs and feelings about the work I was a part of … none of that mattered.”

Kurt nods. He doesn’t know how else to respond. He feels like a traitor, a wolf in sheep’s clothing. In any other situation, he would leave it at that – thank Sebastian for his time and look for someone else. Society has taken more than its fair share of what Sebastian has to give. But there are bigger issues at stake. Kurt feels like he’s running out of time, and right when he’s begun to make huge breakthroughs. He can’t afford to be sentimental. Human, yes, but not sentimental. He has to keep looking towards the bigger picture and hope, in the end, Sebastian sees things the way he does.

“Sebastian …” Kurt reaches across the table as close to Sebastian as he dares “… I am so sorry about what happened to you in the past. I really am. And I can assure you, if you agree to work with us, nothing like that will ever happen again. Working with me equals full transparency.”

Sebastian looks at Kurt’s hand sitting on the table in front of him. It’s exquisite as far as hands go – clean, manicured nails; smooth, alabaster skin, marred by only the occasional freckle. The casual onlooker might look at such a hand and think that this man has never worked a day in his life. But that’s not what Sebastian sees. The hand on the table is Kurt’s left hand. His right hand, the less dominant one, he doesn’t offer. He keeps it close to his chest, literally over his heart. Sebastian can only see the back of it, but a few faint, telltale scars are all he needs to see to recognize that he and Kurt may have more in common than he thought.

Whatever roads Kurt has traveled have not been smooth ones.

But Kurt is a compassionate man, not bitter the way Sebastian has become. Kurt isn’t drinking Kool-Aid, he honestly believes he can use his abilities to help people.

“You know, you’re trying real hard to get me to sign on to your project, but you haven’t gone into detail about I’m going to be doing.”

“It’s a bit inopportune seeing as we’re out in public, and my work is highly classified.”

“We can always go back to my cell … I mean, my room … and discuss it. The bed’s as hard as concrete, but it’s more comfortable than this medieval bench we’re sitting on.” Sebastian shifts in his seat, rolling from one cheek to the other, wincing at the needles shooting up his sides. “I mean, God! Didn’t they have any lead chairs available? I’m getting a cramp in my ass!”

“Let’s play a little game,” Kurt begins, half in an effort to persuade and half in an effort to shut him up before he attracts any attention.

“Now you’re talking. Party back in my room.” Sebastian stands but Kurt grabs his wrist and yanks him into his seat.

“Let's say a man, with the help of science ...” Kurt sits upright as Sebastian shuts his eyes “… what are you doing?”

“I’m trying to picture this. Help me out. Am I the man? What am I wearing?”

“Is it possible for you to be serious for around ten minutes? Ten minutes, that’s all I ask.”

“It’s possible, but not probable.”

Kurt sighs. It’s becoming a habit, each one heavier than the last. “Let’s say a man, with the help of science, can psychically project themselves into the dream of another human being.”

Sebastian chortles and slaps a hand on the table. “You see, I knew it! I knew it!”

“Knew what?”

“You are into kinky stuff!”

“Sebastian …”

“Keep going. This is getting good.”

Kurt rethinks what he’s about to say, searching for another way to word it because, on second thought, every sentence about to leave his mouth could be used as fodder for Sebastian’s non-stop parade of sexual innuendo. But there is no other way. There’s nothing he can do but continue.

“Pretend also that once you’re in the dream …” Kurt starts to die inside “… you could become an active participant in it. You could be there, right in the middle, feel everything that’s going on, experience it …”

Sebastian’s grin grows to epic proportions and Kurt hurries on before another lewd comment can weed its way into the conversation.

“… even shape and alter the dream itself. What would you say to a notion like that?”

Kurt holds his breath, expecting a string of sarcastic and vivid commentary to follow. But Sebastian has become oddly pensive behind his grin. His teasing façade melts away, and the mask it leaves behind, Kurt can’t decipher.

“That sounds crazy,” Sebastian says. “Scary and crazy. Frankly, to me, that’s nightmare fuel.”

“We've done it,” Kurt admits, but the expression on Sebastian’s face taints his pride over his accomplishments. “Not once, but three times. Using two people with skills similar to yours.”

“The incest twins? That’s what they do, isn’t it?”

“Mason reads minds. Madison astral projects. Using his sister’s powers as a conduit, Mason can use his telepathy to enter people’s minds. In fact, they’re the ones who gave me the idea. I’ve worked hard to develop tech that could mimic Madison’s astral projection skills, and I’ve done it. It needs a little fine tuning, but I’ve finally done it.”

“Enter other people’s dreams?” Sebastian shakes his head. “That’s something I’d need to see to believe.”

“There’s not much to see from the outside – just two people with their heads wired up to machines. The real trick takes place inside the mind of the vessel.”

“The vessel?”

“That’s what we call the brain of the dreamer.”

“This sounds like a lot of science fiction if you ask me.”

“Science fiction? You’re a telepath. Most people would believe that you are science fiction.”

“Fair enough. But what I don’t understand is why you would want to do something like this. What could you gain in your boner research by infiltrating another person’s dreams? Unless you’re altering your own data to increase your funding.”

Kurt leans in, shortening the space between them. “PTSD. Thousands of people suffer from it, very few recover though traditional methods in part because the memories of what they’ve been through haunt them for the rest of their lives. Therapy and medication only get some people so far. But too many of them choose to kill themselves instead of living with the pain. The reality is, in the fight against PTSD, we’re losing. We’re overmedicating, overanalyzing, and it’s doing nothing. But if we can enter a person’s dreams, if we can be there in the moment, help them through the battlefield, or through the attack from the abusive partner, if we can hold their hands and help them overcome the trauma, maybe we can put them on the road to true recovery. Maybe we could save lives …” Kurt stops, swallows hard “… before it’s too late.”

The heaviness in Kurt’s voice conjures an image in Sebastian’s mind of Kurt’s office – the books, the paintings, and that football jersey with the name Hudson across the back. Sebastian had originally assumed it was worn by whomever owned the office. But Kurt’s last name is Hummel.

Another question when what Sebastian wants are answers.

“You’ve obviously done this before, and successfully. What do you need me for?”

“We need you because you’re special. You’re not just a talented telepath, you’re smart. You learn quickly. I read that you had a propensity for medicine. If you devoted yourself to learning psychology, you could become a valuable …”

“… asset?” Sebastian finishes, an edge in his voice that saws straight through Kurt’s words because that’s exactly what Kurt was about to say. Kurt can’t help it. It’s lab speak. The vernacular they use, it’s a way to distance themselves from their subjects so they don’t become too attached. Everybody does it. It’s a force of habit.

And it pops out while he’s trying to convince Sebastian that history won’t repeat itself.

“I can tell by the look on your face that you’re waiting for me to head to the bathroom so you can find the nearest exit and bolt. And I don’t blame you. Really I don’t. But there’s two reasons why I’m hoping you’ll change your mind.”

“Reason number one?”

“I’m not like them. Jesse, the researchers who isolated you, lied to you, hurt you - I’m not one of them.”

“That’s hard for me to believe, Doc, when you won’t let me into your head. Not even a little.”

“We all have secrets.” Kurt wrings his hands, running his thumb over one particular area between two veins and over a bone. Sebastian’s eyes drift down to Kurt’s hand, to that spot he’s worrying over and over till it becomes a red line. “Pain that we don’t want people to know about. You have an advantage. An unfair one. You don’t want people using you, right?”

“Right.”

“I don’t want people using me, either.”

“Reason number two?”

“Dr. St. James wasn’t lying to you. There are people scoping out your apartment right now. Dangerous people. People with mob ties. People who can make you disappear.”

“I have money. I don’t even have to go back to my apartment. I can pick up some cash, catch a plane to Milan, lay low for a while.”

“No, you can’t.”

“What do you mean I can’t?”

“You’ve been wiped out. The safe in your closet? Your safety deposit boxes? Your locker at the post office, and the one at the bus terminal? Everything’s been seized.”

Sebastian’s eyes grow wide. “Wh-what? Who the …? How!?”

“It seems that someone tipped the IRS off to your luck at the casinos over the past few years. That along with a handful of other things that may or may not be true … the tl-dr is they were able to execute a warrant.”

“It was him, wasn’t it? This is how he decided to get revenge on me! Jesse St. Son-of-a-bitch!”

“As much as I agree with you, it wasn’t him. It was someone else, a new benefactor who has stepped in to fund our research. The person who came to our lab and requested you personally. They’re the only person involved in our project who takes channels I have no control of.”

“So much for protecting me then, huh?”

“They want you to cooperate. As long as you agree to work with us, they’ll fix this situation with the IRS, get you your money back. But physically, they can’t touch you. Our facility has protocols. No one can storm in and arrest you. Once you’re behind our walls, they can’t touch you.”

“Well, fuck.” Sebastian lifts his beer to his lips and drinks, gulping it down until the glass is empty. “I guess I don’t have much of a choice, do I?”

“Give us a chance. Give me a chance. I promise, it won’t be like before. You have my word.”

Sebastian’s head shakes left to right, subconsciously railing against this arrangement, his whole body itching to make a break for it. But for the first time, he notices people watching their table – one by the door, one by the register, another guarding the bathrooms, and a fourth over by the kitchen. Because of Kurt’s stupid walls, Sebastian can’t tell if they came with him, or if Kurt doesn’t know they’re there. Either way, this is his life now. He’d better get used to it.

Sebastian grabs Kurt’s hand, his right hand, and pulls it towards him. He feels Kurt’s walls fortify, but entry into Kurt’s mind is not what Sebastian wants. He turns Kurt’s hand over in his and finds those marks – a line of pricks running down the length of one vein where an IV has been inserted, one of them recent.

So whatever Kurt’s doing in his lab, he’s experimenting on himself. Interesting …

Sebastian runs his thumb over it, then taps it gently.

“I’m in, Doc,” he says, returning Kurt’s hand to his side of the table. “But don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

#Kurtbastian #sebkurt #sekurt #frankie writes

[moonraccoon-exe]

(1) Hello Coonie! *hugs you tightly* So good to hear from you too. I had some stressful days too. I went to Berlin with my mom for a couple of days for our annual city trip and as soon as I returned I fell sick and had no voice for days. Gladly I am well again. And now the 40 degrees hot weather is killing me. It’s the hottest in Germany since we started recording the weather. But don’t wanna complain too much. Berlin was amazing. We visited the botanical garden, wich was so stunning.

(2) The cacti were blooming and the Water Lilies and they had a pond with beautiful Koi Carps. And we visited the Pergamon Museum. Sadly the huge antique pergamon altar was being restored but I got to see the beautiful Ishtar gate and the market gate of miletus. And one day I will surely get so see the altar. :3 But how are things for you? The stressful stuff over? And hopefully the heat isn’t so bad where you are. And lots of luck for you so you will be able to see the blood moon next time.

PERIDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*HUG SQUEEZES*

PERIDOT, YOU MUFFIN, IT’S YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ❤❤❤

Hewwo Peridot!!!! Happy to be answering to you again!!

Aaah, I’m sorry to hear that you had some stressful days. Lamentably those come and go and all we can do is deal with them. Sorry you had to go through that, though, it’s never comfortable or enjoyable!! Wishing you some really nice restful very wonderful days now

YOU WENT TO BERLIN AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! I know it’s just the yearly thing to you but holy shit is it a goal for me!! I bet it’s really beautiful! I’m really glad to know that you had a blast in there!

Though yet again I’m sorry to hear you fell sick and, to make it worse, you were received with such weather. I’ve heard indeed that it’s been a hellhole over there, which is super strange! You europe people are known for constant rain and cold weather, and I mean, even when it’s summer it’s no comparison to tropical countries…so to know you’ve been at 40°C!?!?! That’s HELL, not even me in a tropical country have been in that heat!!! Very close, though, and if we were at 40 I didn’t check, but it’s not usual and GODS if I MELT at 31 I can’t imagine what 40 must have felt. AND TO BE RECEIVED IN THAT HEAT RIGHT WHEN YOU FELL SICK?!?!

Holy cows, I’m sorry about that Peridot! No wonder it was super stressful days to you, it must have been awful, terrible! ;A;

What matters is that you’re doing okay now and much better. Really happy to know that!!! Your voice is back and you’re back on track hek yeh!

YOU WENT TO SEE BOTANICAL STUFF IN BERLIN I WANNA GO I WANNA GO I WANNA GOOOOOOO ASLDKJFGLKDJ LDKAJ

BLOOMING CACTI. THAT SOUNDS LIKE A DREAM, CACTI ARE SO CUTE AND ADORBS AND I LOVE THEM just don’t have them because papa said they’re usual home for spiders? and I’m TERRIBLE WITH SPIDERS KALJSDKLDGJADLK BUT I LOVE SEEING CACTI!!!

HOH!? WATER LILIES’ POND HAD KOI CARPS!?!?

I  L O V E  KOI CA R P S 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

It must have look SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO stunning!!!! What a breathtaking mental image, to get to see a beautiful pond with the roundish leaves idk the name in english and the lilies all over it and the adorable, beautiful, mystica Koi swimming around…AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT!!!!!!!!

HOH! Pergamon Museum? Never heard of it! BETCHA IT’S GLORIOUS THOUGH, Imma look it up in better detail later on! 

Aaw, sorry to hear that you didn’t get to see the huge antique altar. I guess it must be one of the main things to see, and even if not, huge and antique and altar? That sounds like something important and that I’d love to see for sure! Sorry that you missed it, but we shall take it as good that authorities are doing restoration works! c:

GASPS.

AN ISHTAR GATE!?!?!?! HOLY ROLLY MACCAROONIE THAT SOUNDS LIKE AN INCREDIBLY VALUABLE, ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL THING!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST GOOGLED IT AND IT LOOKS SO BEAUTIFUL LIKE HOLY WOWEE YOU GUYS HAVE THAT!?!?!??!?! .A.

AND THE MARKET GATE OF MILETUS!?!?!?!??!?!

HOW HAD I NEVER HEARD OF THIS MUSEUM BEFORE HOLY FUCKING MACCAROONIES THAT SOUNDS LIKE ABSOLUTE MADNESS, IT’S INCREDIBLE I CAN’T BELIEVE IT, ISHTAR GATE AND MARKET GATE OF MULETUS ALL IN THE SAME PLACE AKLSJDKLFAJGDKLGDJALGKADJGLKADGJA I CAN BARELY IMAGINE WHAT THE ALTAR LOOKS LIKE!!!!!! HOLY WOOLY ROLLY WHAAAAAAAT!!!

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AKLSDJFALKDGJDALKGJAD

*FLAILS ALL OVER THE PLACE*

PERIDOT BUDDY THAT ALL SOUNDS SOOOOOOOOOOOOO FANTASTIC AND SO VERY BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!! NO WONDER YOU ENJOYED BERLIN I MEAN??? AKSDJFLKAGJADKLGJADKLGJADLKGJAD THAT SOUNDS LIKE A FREAKING EPIC TIME, MUSEUMS ARE THE BEST THING EVER AND I ALREADY LOVE THE PERGAMON MUSEUM AND IT’S A GOAL NOW THANK U

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Peridot, I’m SO happy you got to go out of routine to see wonderful things and go places!!! That’s what does best to the soul, traveling, even if it’s just to other parts of the country/city you hadn’t been to before, especially so to museums and other things alike!! It’s WONDERFUL for you, I’m happy to know all of this!!

Thank you for asking how I’m doing! It’s been good but I’m getting tired really easily. I’m going into uni finally on the 5th, and I’m not THAT excited. It’s on the top 5 of the biggest/most important of latinamerica and it’s free (well, okay, 0.20 centavos which is according to internet 0.01 dollars per semester), so it’s like the absolute dream of so many people, there’s a lot that move from other states to the capital and the suburban areas (same school but it’s got like 10 campuses), which is huge because the country is huge so moving state isn’t like an hour away,some are literally 19 hours away by car, but I’m just eh?

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m super exccited about what I’m going to learn. I’m just not on sync with everyone else? Like my bro is super proud and bragging everywhere that I’m into that school (he studied there too) and my parents are like KAJSDLKAJGDA WELCOMING CEREMONY YAAAAAAY and as happy and excited and thrilled as I am about the classes, I’m just not...in the hype? lol it’d difficult to explain

Not to say that I think about school and I get tired. Walking there, going daily, it takes me out of my routine, which is good but it wears me out mentally. I don’t know, I just...I’m really exhausted mentally and thinking about school wears me out even more. So sadly no, the stressful stuff is just starting. I hope it won’t interfere too much with my fic writing and blogging because I love it :c I want the knowledge but tihngs like homework or exams are like ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

And another good thing besides it being a super renowned school so I’m eager to learn despite everything else is that as a student of that school I get free medical, psychological, and tooth-thing services, which I think I need a lot, all three of them lol Don’t worry I’m not feeling bad or anything, but I’m underweight, my teeth don’t hurt but gods know I haven’t been to the dentist in YEARS, and there’s some stuff I’d like to talk with a psychologist just to know I’m not dragging some weight I don’t even know exists. 

I don’t know if I’m not excited about school itself, or if I’m just mentally exhausted which I try to justify with not being excited? Hasdanga ah man who knows. But thank you for asking!!! :3

And thankfully no, the heat isn’t so bad!! It was bad some days like mid spring or starting summer, I don’t know, like SUPER HOT, there wer nights I couldn’t even sleep, but thankfully summer has been really rainy and very cloudy. Not going to lie, it’s still more heat than I like because I love the cold so even the ‘normal’ heat tires me and I hate it, but overall it’s been rainy and chill

BUT ANYWAYS PERIDOT

Like always I’m SUPER HAPPY to get to be replying to you yet again!!!!!!! Thank you immensely for taking the time to write to me and for letting me know what’s up!

Sending you my WARMIEST FLOOFIEST SHNUGGLEZ and lots of magic, my friend!! Have a WONDERFUL night!!(ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

#peridot-chrysolite #peridot #coonreplies

[honeyjaez]

Complicated- Part 8

You shiver in the cold as you continued to walk down the empty street towards the unwanted meeting. Pulling out your phone, you see the time shown 11:30 and you slightly wished you were back in your bed, away from the cold night air. But you don’t turn around, you keep on walking for god knows what reason.

“Lee Jooheon, I swear to god this better be good”

You didn’t honestly know why you agreed to meet with the man, especially this late at night. Hadn’t you just given up all ideas of him? Obviously not since you were out there, on your way to see him, but it begs the question: but why were you such pushover? Jooheon was just like any other guy, one that just wants to hit it and quit it and his little stunt of ignoring you for the past 3 weeks only proved that. You pulled your lazily placed scarf more over your face in hopes to block the cold air. The wind was starting to pick up and you questioned whether you should just turn back around and leave Jooheon to suffer.

But once again, you don’t find the willpower to turn your feet around. “I hate him, I hate this. I should just go home. Why am I even out here? He is just going to give me excuses and use his sweet words like before and I’ll be in this endless cycle of bullshit”

You honestly didn’t know why you were so upset about the fact that he ignored you for 3 weeks. It wasn’t like you guys were a thing or anything. You just met one night, had a drunken fling and that was it. Sure, he was super sweet from the text messages and you kind of had thoughts of continuing this little relationship/thing/whatever you called it, but you certainly knew not to ever get your hopes up. Your last heartbreak taught you that. But you couldn’t help but feel betrayed. You thought Jooheon was sweet, he was kind and didn’t remind you of all the other guys you had been with, at least that’s what you thought. But then he dropped you just like that. Left you on read for the past 3 weeks with no warning after he had just sent beautiful flowers and a card. You were left to pick up where you started off, pretending like Jooheon never even existed in your life.

“Stupid idiot man” you thought again. “Jokes on him because I’m not going to forgive him just like that. I’m going to give him a piece of my mind when I see him! Just you wait Jooheon!” You began to punch the cold air in front of you, like the object of your aggressive of rather the person was right there.  You hear a chuckle from behind you and you spun around, almost losing your balance in the process.

There, standing in front of you, holding two hot coffee cups stood Jooheon, and you absolutely hated the way your stomach did flips when you realized that fact. “God damn idiot stupid man”

“Having fun?” he asked, and your cheeks grew hot as you remembered that he caught you acting like a freak in the middle of the street. Little did he know what you were imaging doing. Instead of answering his question, you just readjust your scarf, pulling it over your face in hopes to hide your blushing cheeks.

“I though you wanted to meet at the park” you mumbled quietly, knowing full well that it was loud enough for him to hear, but quiet enough to show him your disdain for being out here. You didn’t face him but rather turned to the side so that you wouldn’t have to look at his stupidly beautiful face.

Jooheon didn’t respond and you were about to open your mouth again to make a smartass comment, but he offered you one of the cups before you could. His happy chuckle from earlier seemed to vanish as he was avoiding your eyes like he was a kid in trouble. “Good, at least he knows he fucked up”

“I know” he started, offering the coffee cup again “but id figured that since I asked you out here this late, I could at least bring something to keep you warm.” His generosity and soft smile pissed you off and you almost wanted to slap the coffee cup out of his hands. “What, so he thinks he can be nice to me and I’ll just forgive him?”

But instead, you just shake your head at the offering. “I’m good, I really shouldn’t have coffee this late. Now if it was-”

“It’s hot chocolate”

You stopped midsentence, dumbfounded that he happened to stumble across your one weakness and you turned back to face him, eyes slightly wider.

“O-Oh, okay…thanks…” you awkwardly take the cup from his hands and relish in the warmth it brought your hands. The two of you stood like that, neither moving, nor talking. You shuffled your feet as you waited. Looking over, you could see Jooheon look at you with a soft smile on his face. His eyes turning into small moons and his dimples popping out at the slightest change in his face. Thank god your put a scarf over your face, blocking the visible blush that had crept on you.

“I swear to god I’m going to kick his stupidly beautiful face” you think to yourself as you can feel your heart skip a beat.

“You look well” was all he said.

….

“Jooheon” you groan, annoyed with both him and yourself. You opened your eyes to see him raise his free hand.

“You’re right I’m sorry, not the point”

He leads you to the park nearby, abandoned at this time of night. He walks over to the swing set and sits down on an empty swing. You figured he assumed you would take the empty swing next to him so instead you sit down at the bottom of the small metal slide a couple feet away. You heard him chuckle softly at your act of stubbornness but didn’t mention it out loud.

So, there you two were, sitting in an empty park, at an ungodly hour in the freezing cold. Neither of you talked for a few minutes, just took in the sounds of the city as you both sipped the hot drinks in your hands. Jooheon’s silence was understanding, you knew he was trying to finalize his power point presentation explanation to you and you allowed that, hell you deserved nothing less. But it was your silence that bothered you. What was wrong with you? What happened to giving him a piece of your mind? You were going to give him all hell and tell him how you don’t play games like that. It was going to be fantastic.

And yet, you couldn’t find the ability to do so. It’s like he had this effect on you that didn’t allow you to be mad at him. It was rather infuriating.

Suddenly you heard him cough uncomfortably and it snapped you out of your thoughts. Your eyes turned to look at him, expectantly.

“Right well….” he ran his fingers through his hair. “I guess I should start off by saying I’m sorry.”

You stayed silent as you huddled closer to your hot chocolate, and he took that as a sign to continue.

“It wasn’t right. Just dropping you like that, I know that.”

“Then why did you do it?”

You voice was so small and quiet that you mentally slapped yourself in the face for sounding so weak. You heard him give a long sigh.

“It was for your own good- “he started to say but you cut him off by scoffing loudly at the statement. “If I had a dollar for every time I heard that…” you trailed off, bitterness laced heavily in your tone.

“I mean it Y/N.” Now it was his turn to have a small and quiet voice. He was looking down at his feet with a frown etched heavily on his face; you wouldn’t lie if you said that it hurt your heart slightly to see him sad. “I-…. I’m not……” Jooheon began to play with the zipper on his jacket “I’m not someone you should be associated with.”

It’s always something huh.

You just stare at him, your eyes narrowing slightly “Then why am I here Jooheon?” Your heart began to harden again as you realized where this conversation was going. Despite a hard conviction that you wouldn’t soften you still in the end had held onto hope that something good would come out of this meeting. Yet now, all you could feel was anger and bitterness. “If you called me all the way out here just to tell me th- “

“That’s not why!” he quickly interjected, looking straight at you. You were surprised to find his eyes wide with…. Was that desperation? Staying silent, you motioned for him to continue. He smiled softly at you and once again you felt your heart sped up.

“Honestly I don’t know why I called you out here…. It’s still not safe to be around me…” his gazed quickly raked over the park, like he was expecting someone. “I know I shouldn’t be doing this, me, here with you” He got up from his spot on the swing and you watched as he walked over towards were you were sitting on the slide. Your stomach was now doing flips left and right. He got all the way to where you were and kneeled so that he was about eye level with you. “But I also know that I can’t get you out of my head.”

Your eyes widen at his statement and you just stare him, unable to speak.

“Did I mess up? Yes. But you must know Y/N” he placed both of his hands on the other side of you, trapping you on the slide “I really REALLY like you. You’re cute, you’re quirky. You think for yourself and you have a beautiful soul…It’s just- “

“Just what?”

He sighed, removing his hands from the slide and pulling his weight back so that he sat on his knees. His sudden burst of energy in his confession seemed to fizzle out as he looked down in sadness. “It’s just……complicated”

Like hell I’m going to accept that answer

Placing your drink on the ground, you did something that shocked even yourself. You took both of your hands and placed them on both sides of Jooheon’s face, who slightly jumped at the sudden contact. He then looked up at you, his eyes almost like puppy dogs and you felt your anger melting. You two stayed like that for a few seconds until you effectively end the moment by squishing both of his cheeks together, playing with his face.

“U-Uh Y/N” he said slightly muffled as you continued to squish his cheeks “W-what are you doing?”

“Shut up” you just say, continuing your act “I’ve been wanting to do this since I first saw you at the bar” Which was true. The man had the squishiest of cheeks and to pair it up with those incredible dimples, it just made you want to feel what squishing his cheeks felt like. Unsurprisingly Jooheon didn’t stop you,

“You know…My last relationship was everything but easy….it was damn right messy, and I told myself that if I ever got into a relationship again, that I didn’t want anything complicated…” You watched as his eyes dropped, crestfallen at your words. “But despite my brain currently screaming at me to leave your ass here, I can’t help but stay.” You stopped messing with his cheeks and moved your hand under his chin to force him to look at you. “I like you…. why? I don’t know…. you stupid idiot man” His eyes grew as wide as his dimples as you continued. “Even though I know I shouldn’t, I can’t help but want to be around you. To get to know you more. I know our first encounter was anything less than normal….” you trailed off, not sure how to properly convey your emotions “All I kept thinking those few weeks you ignored me was ‘I wonder what Jooheon is doing’ ‘Is he working?’ ‘Would he like this movie?’ God” you chuckled softly remember those thoughts and giving him a half smirk “I guess you can say I’m whipped?”

But before you could continue your train of thought, everything screeched to a halt due to the sudden presence of Jooheon’s lips on yours. It took your brain a few seconds to process what was happening, but boy, when it did, you immediately responded, melting into the kiss. He placed a hand over the back of your head, like he was worried you would pull away.

Who would be dumb enough to pull away from this?

His lips were soft, too soft. Almost unreal at how soft his lips felt. You mentally cursed yourself for being too drunk the only other time that you and Jooheon kissed to remember it. Kissing his lips felt like kissing a cloud, and you were already intoxicated by them. Jooheon seemed to be enjoying it too because with every second he started to get rougher with his kiss.

But suddenly the kiss was cut short as the sound of a car door being slammed tore Jooheon from your lips. He spun his head around quickly at the source of the noise, all tense while leaving you to contemplate life after that kiss. His shoulders relaxed as he saw that the car was for the owner of the convenient store across the street, just leaving to go home.  He turned back towards you and seeing you in a dazed cause his face to break out in a big smile. His eyes were shaped like crescent moons when he smiled like this and you learned that this smile was one of your favorite things on this planet.

I’m so whipped for this man.

“I should get you home.” He breathed, not moving from his position. You only nodded, trying to form a response to that kiss in your head that didn’t make you sound like a complete idiot. He grabbed your hands and pulled you up into him into a hug. You wrapped your hands around his neck, as he wrapped his around your waist and nuzzled his nose softly into your neck.

Oh yeah. Definitely whipped

“You didn’t even ask me what my reason was” he said quietly, breathing in your scent at the same time One of your hands found their way up into his soft hair and you ran your fingers through it, earning a noise of approval from Jooheon.

“You’ll tell me eventually, I trust you.”

He pulled back, and something like guilt flashed over his eyes. But before he could so anything further, you took him by his hand, interlacing your fingers together. “For now, you get to walk me home”

He smiled in response as he led the two of you out of the park, unbeknownst to the two of you that you were being watched.

A lone figure stepped out of the shadows, wearing far too much leather for ones liking. He had a sneer on his face as he watched the two of your leave, not noticing his presence. He took out his cell phone from his pocket and quickly dialed a number. It rang a few times before a voice answered the phone.

“Boss? It’s me.” He lit the cigarette that was in his mouth and blew out a huge puff of smoke as he smiled coldly “I got some news that could finally hurt them Monstas”

Well how did my first update in almost two months go?? Lololol

I’m trying to decide which group I want to have be rival gang to the Monstas. I mean I could make a totally fictional gang but I’d also love to incorporate other groups. I already got Got7 planned so they are out. Let me know your thoughts!

Complicated Masterlist

#kpop #monsta x #jooheon #joohoney #lee jooheon #monsta x mafia #monsta x imagines #jooheon imagines #kpop imagine #kpop mafia au #complicated

[tayegi]

Ahhhh I love how u ended chapter 11 of NR!!! I am SO here for OC calling jk out on his bullshit 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Anonymous said:Lu, I think this was my favourite chapter of new rules so far. This one really hit home for me – a similar thing happened to me before with a guy, said he liked me, but treated me like a walking vagina and then he turned round and got a girlfriend like I meant nothing. And this chapter really brought it back for me, you wrote it so well and the emotions feel very raw. I also love the friendship portrayal of Yerin and Mijoo, it's nice to see that chicks before dicks mentality in a fic for once :)

thotitup said:the new chapter of NR is amazing!!! I usually finish chapters needing a new one for closure/satisfaction but this one could be the ending and i would be just fine!! girl said what she had to say and went into the storm (metaphor for heartbreak and epiphany journey?) by herself like a BOSS ASS BITCH. Jk is cancelled until he grows up, nice work xxx

Anonymous said:Jeon jungkook really is a fucking coward. I was crying with oc the whole time. What I really respect about her though is her bravery to tackle on her problems headon. She's afraid but that didn't stop her from confessing her feelings and calling jungkook out, laying her feelings out there in a room full of frat boys. I would neverbe able to do that. She shows her strengths even in her weakest moments. She's definitely one of my fav oc in existence. Thank you for writing this!!

Anonymous said:being a lesbian really do be the best thing to ever happen to me bc men AINT IT ! love ur fic x amazing as always :)))uwu

Anonymous said:The OC spitting the truth in JK's face?? "You're not the relationship type ? "..." You love that shit." & the "It'd be easier to get over you"? I could've cried it was amazing I love her so much. And JK too but she is right. She doesn't have to endure all of his insecurities & unsolved issues. Sure he very probably have his reasons. But if he doesn't try to work on them with her, she doesn't have to suffer from it. She grew up a lot during the series. Thanks to him for a part. It's his turn now.

Anonymous said:A thing that I really wanted to tell you is how the O/C of New Rules pushed me to be more vocal and supportive to other women. I honestly think that she is a person to look up to. Although she has flaws (as other humans), I consider her a role model for what she does for other women. Thank you so much for this story. ⭐️

Anonymous said:BITCH IM SCREAMING U UPDATED NEW RULES !!!!! Ok I just finished reading and like..... damn..... ur mind.... the way you've fleshed out ur characters is so incredible you've spent so much time carving these characters like they're 3d yo also y/n is such a bad bitch !! She needs to listen to that vibe "I'm a bad bitch! U cant kill me!" This ask is all over the place but just know uh I love this story the characters the writing the dialogue & u obviously. Thank u for sharing ur talent w us kween 💖

Anonymous said:This chapter squeezed my heart so bad but I am SO happy that OC stood up for herself in the end I literally LOVED her speech especially about the toxic masculinity, im proud that she was able to speak out what she was feeling and hopefully it got through to jk who obviously has some emotional barrier or something, this whole chapter is so relevant to hookup culture and young relationships and ppl often don’t confront others with their feelings so this was rlly refreshing

Anonymous said:I LOVE NR!!! I just love the new chapter. Expecially the last part where the OC finally call jungkook out! You really are amazing Lu

Anonymous said:I love how multidimensional all of the characters in NR are holy shit. I could probably go in depth on a bunch of examples, but I think the OC stood out to me the most in this chapter. I've read fics about strong women before which is awesome but sometimes they're just like... unrealistically strong where they can immediately brush off their feelings. I'm SO HAPPY you write the OC where she's obviously affected by the rejection but realizes that she has to be there for Yerin and wow I love her

Anonymous said:when the oc barged into the frat house I was so proud of her like yes queen! tell them how disgusting toxic masculinity is! go go go ❤️ thank you so much for updating lu 💛

Anonymous said:i thought that the oc was brave because she confessed her feeling and we all know how much courage you have to muster to let yourself be so vulnerable BUT when she called out jungkook???? in front of those frat fuckbois????? that was so fucking bad ass, i really love her with all my heart because it doesn’t matter how much she’s hurting, she’s always showing a confident & strong facade

lovemusicn1d said:Luuuu, I love the fact that the main character is subjected to the idea of "grow up and get your shit together" for having what I personally think is a normal reaction to being treated the way she was by Jungkook, whereas at the end she grabs the situation at hand and flings it back into the depths of hell where it belongs because fuck the idea that emotions are weak and THANK YOU for having her confront that issue and making it so she doesn't let herself be shamed for what she feels altogether.

Anonymous said:hi! thank you for updating us with such an empowering & strong chapter of new rules!!! i immediately told all my friends that u updated and was always amazed by ur characterization of the oc!!! she is such a boss i love ur work it really inspired me a lot thank you

Anonymous said:thanks for ch 11!! short but intense! i thought this chapter would make me feel sad in a way due to jungkook's actions, but instead it ended with me feeling empowered lmfao!!! rooting for the oc and how she stuck up for herself! i loved the part about the discord between giving and receiving love and toxic masculinity. it's something society still struggles with today ugh.

Anonymous said:Chapter 11 is my favorite of the story so far!!! So many things happened in one chapter aaahhhh. Go OC! Hit him with the truth!!! As what Red Velvet says "Shot another bad boy down."

bangtan-sai said:OC from the new chapter of new rules is incredibly brave! She confessed and didn't try to backtrack. Even when Jungkook avoided her she continued to try to talk to him. She called him out in front of all those people. She may have found it difficult to do these things but she still found the courage to do them and I think that's amazing 💖

Anonymous said:Chap 11 made me feel things and i really do admire the oc a lot after this chapter. I love that she stood up for herself when jk was trying to make her feel like it was a one-sided r/s. The way he reacted to her confession was uncalled for, and it was very brave of the oc to call him out for being a coward and pushing her away. It certainly wasn't easy given how his friends were "mocking" her towards the end and the fact that she held her head high makes me want to root for her even more!!💖 💖

taetata95 said:I feel so like !!!! idk like I’ve been waiting for oc to kick jungkooks ass and THE WAY SHE STORMED IN THERE I LOVED IT I’ve been meaning to message you about new rules I love it it breaks my heart ngl the way she thinks about herself but I want to see oc kick some ass and IM BASICALLY READING IT FOR OC I LOV HER

Anonymous said:YES GO GIRL JUST GET OVER THAT LIL SHIT. YOU DESERVE BETTER. men and their toxic masculinity can fuck off srsly ugh

Anonymous said:I finally got to reading ch 12 of NR tonight and ended up in tears at the last scene when oc stands up to jungkook in front of all his other frat brothers. Telling them they’re a bunch of children that clings to their toxic masculinity, that was really cool of her and i wish i could be as courageous. i’ve always been proud of NR oc but i love her even more!

Anonymous said:“Because it’ll be so easy getting over you.” Yaaaaaasss girl throw it in his face. This line made me want to both cry from the angst and jump up and down cheering OC on for her confidence. I know people are sad about them ending, but I'm excited for the next part of this fic. Jungkook really has been an asshat so I'm happy OC finally realized his issues and confronted him.

LAKSDJFLSDFJ this makes me so happy!!! there is nothing i love more than girls supporting girls

and this esp makes me happy bc i have been planning this exact confrontation scene since like sept 2017 and was so nervous about it! in fact, the last line “it’ll be so easy getting over you” was prob the one thing that inspired me to write this entire, enormous, monstrous fic in the first place. so im so relieved that it’s out there and more importantly, that you guys have related to it so much klasdjf you guys are the best and i love you all

#new rules #new rules ch 11 #beautiful ppl #felixdwqins

[lukescaboose]

Stunning (Ashton Fluff)

Gif isn’t mine. Hope you guys enjoy this. Thanks for reading. xx

Word Count: 2525

Warnings: None

I woke up with his arms around me and I hated it. I hated everything about it. The way he held me was wrong, the way he said my name was wrong, the way he tried to understand me was wrong. But it wasn’t his fault, he was decent, he just didn’t understand. And I wouldn’t let him. I couldn’t let him. I couldn’t bring myself to let him see me on such an intellectual level, especially since I thought so lowly of him.

I sighed and pushed his arms off of me. A small groan escapes his lips and I roll my eyes at the sound, finding it utterly obnoxious. I pulled on my clothes and headed for the door without leaving a trace that I was ever here.

I couldn’t do it anymore. The pretending was exhausting. I so desperately had wanted this to work out for once, to experience all of the things everyone else around me had experienced, or was experiencing. It simply wasn’t fair, the way this whole thing went for me. I’d given it my all until my all simply wasn’t enough.

I drove quickly towards the only house I could ever imagine myself being at the moment. Upon arriving I turned off my phone, so I could forget Jake ever existed. That this last month didn’t happen. I knocked feverishly at the door, the morning air nipping at my skin. I really should’ve grabbed a jacket or something of the sorts.

Ashton opened to door moments later, my teeth chattered as I stared at him. He looked at me with a bewildered expression. I could only imagine my appearance, last night's clothes mixed with this mornings, and my hair doing god knows what. I smiled anyway as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and tugged me inside.

My head fell to his chest and his arms didn’t hesitate to wrap around me. He placed a soft kiss to my temple before tugging me back down the hall. I could only guess he wanted to go to sleep. I hadn’t a clue what time it even was. But, after tossing and turning until the sun rose, I couldn’t wait any longer to leave. I followed behind him silently, wanting to feel his arms around me comfortably in his bed, snug against his chest. Our walk down the hall was slow since he was still asleep, but I didn’t mind him. He plopped down on his bed, pulling me with him. He sleepily pulled the covers over us, still refusing to let go of my body. I helped his fumbling hands, pulling the cover to our chins. He hummed in appreciation, his eyes closing softly as he rests his head against the pillow. I turn in his arms so my back is to his front and he sighs, complete comfortability encasing his lean figure.

“Missed you.” He hums against my neck and I smile softly to myself. This was how I wanted it to be. Unexplained, reciprocated, and understood. Something easy, someone I could trust without focusing too hard on trusting. A mutual understanding of each others intellect. But, as much as I wished I could, I could never have that with Ash. I wasn’t his type, so to speak. He was into the leggy girls with long bouncy hair and beautiful clear skin. I was just his frumpy best friend.

I studied the differences in our complexions as his arms held me close to him. He was so much lighter than I was and I often wondered if that was why he never considered me as anything more than a friend. I wondered if that was what was holding him back from loving me the way I wanted him to. He understood me completely fine, I just needed him to love me. My melanin stuck out drastically against his paler, pinker skin. I didn’t mind the difference in our complexions. I liked it. It just showed how despite our physical make up we were still completely the same on the inside. Two humans capable of love and deep conversation. Our backgrounds were very similar though we came from different cultures.

But as much as my pessimistic mind wanted me to, I couldn’t bring myself to believe that Ash felt this way. That he could be so closed minded to dating someone of a different race than him. He was the most stimulating person I’ve ever met and he wouldn’t, he couldn’t, let me down that way. My eyes studied how he pulled me closer to him, holding me tightly to his chest. And how he’d said ‘missed you’ like he’d been waiting for me to come home to him. He couldn’t be that shallow, it wasn’t in his chemical makeup. He was my Ash through and through. The heavy rise and fall of his chest soon lulled me to sleep peacefully. I was relaxed and unnerved.

I was awoken again by Ashton’s strong arms trying to turn me to face him. I peered my eyes open slowly, tiredness overcoming me as I groaned. I knew I wasn’t making whatever he was trying to do any easier, I was practically dead weight, but I also couldn’t understand what he was trying to even do. “Ash.” I groaned as his hands pulled at my hips again. “Closer. Want you closer.” He huffed. I opened my eyes fully to see his still closed, his arms reached out for me. I turned around so my chest was towards his, resting my head in the crook of neck. He sighed in relief, his body relaxing under my touch. His fingers grazed along my back, relaxing me back into a state of comatose. I looked at the clock over Ash’s shoulder, it was almost 11. I groaned, it was too late to sleep any longer.

“Ashton.” I sighed and rested my head on his chest out of exhaustion. “Hmm.” He hummed. Well, more like harrumphed, his chest lifting with the sound. His hands tightened around me to pull me impossibly closer to him, not that I minded. My head was dizzy with thoughts that I was embarrassed about having, I really hated that I was enjoying this. “Ah, u-uh, Ash. It’s late, we should get up.” I stammered. I brushed his unruly hair off his forehead. His eyes didn’t open, instead he shoved his face into my neck. His warm breath tickled at my neck which made my head numb, and my heart stutter.

“Little longer.” I heard him say. He placed a slow kiss to the exposed skin at my shoulder. It wasn’t odd for him to do so, but it still made me gasp. I tangled my fingers through his hair involuntarily, which made him groan and grip at my sides. I tried not to be obvious that I was enjoying this, but he was so enticing. I hated that he could act this way and have no feelings for me. I hate that he thinks this is platonic. This was anything but. Whenever Jake tried things like this I was always repulsed. But this, this was frustratingly sexy. He didn’t see it that way though. This was just him being him. Ash was handsy, but I’d grown use to the extra affection. In fact, I loved it. I was torturing myself by not putting an end to this, but I was enjoying it. I could let it destroy me mentally later.

“No, Ash.” I whispered. I didn’t trust my voice to say it any louder, it’d probably come out as a moan. “You smell good. But, you smell like Jake too. Don’t like that.” I could feel his lips tug into a frown at my neck. He moved away from my neck after that, his face contorted into one of distaste. Ash never was much of a fan of Jake, and he was never secretive about it. I could recall a number of times Ashton had made Jake feel especially uncomfortable. And not to mention, jealous. He’d purposely touch me in ways where, if you didn’t know Ash, were subtly inappropriate. This, of course, made Jake furious. I had to listen to him groan about it the whole way back to his place. I also had to do some un-namely acts just to make him shut up.

“I’m done with him.” I muttered, running my hands through my curls, my fingers getting stuck in the process. This made Ashton wake up, his bright eyes fixed on mine. I chuckled at his excitement, it was rather annoying. He could be happy with all the girls he pleased, but god forbid I did anything that didn’t involve him. “Good. I mean, why?” I rolled my eyes at his unsympathetic expression. “Do you care or do you just want to revel in the fact that I’m unhappy?” I snorted. I turned in his arms so he couldn’t see how annoyed he was actually making me. But, he could tell anyway. He knew me. “Of course I care. I’m sorry. I just...didn’t like him as all. Only want the best for you, love.” He moves the hair from my neck before nuzzling his face into the skin, kissing below my ear. His cool lips were tantalizing, making my head spin, making me forget why I was mad.

“I didn’t like him how I wanted myself too. He’s a nice guy, Ash. You never gave him a chance.” I huffed. His large hands rubbed at my shoulders. He knew he was upsetting me. Although I usually didn’t mind the gesture, now I found it manipulative. I push his hands off of me,and I turned to see his face in a grimace. “I just like you to myself is all. I’m sorry Y/N. Seriously.” He spoke. His hand rose up to caress my chin. “That’s incredibly selfish.” My frown deepens. I wasn’t sorry for making him feel bad. He should feel bad. He was being such an asshole.

He sighed deeply, his eyes closing. His needy hands reached for my hips, grasping at the long shirt I’m wearing. I annoyedly push his hands away again. “Ash, this is what I’m talking about. You can’t just do that! I’m a person. You’re best friend.” I whispered the last bit, a ping of disappointment settling in my stomach. His grip loosened and he used his hand to wipe over his face. “Gosh, Y/N. I know. You are a human, my favorite human. And I don’t know how else to say that I’m sorry than to just hold you close. I’m sorry. I am, and I know it’s selfish but, i just think no one deserves you. You’re just so wonderful.” He pushed my hair away from my face, his fingers lingering at my temple. My eyes bore into his, waiting for him to continue, waiting for him to finish what he’d started. I wanted him to tell me what I’d wanted him to say. My eyes fluttered closed in dismay when he didn’t. That was it, that was all he had to say. “Thanks, Ash.” I managed to say though I wanted to cry.

I didn’t object when he pulled me to him. I buried my head in his neck. It hurt to think that the person who could make me feel the worst, could also make me feel better in the same act. It was nothing short of agony to be in love with him and not have it reciprocated. But at the same time, I wouldn’t change it if meant Ashton leaving my life.

“Something’s wrong.” He murmured. I groaned, clutching my arms around his neck and pushing my face further into his neck. I didn’t want to talk about this. “M’fine.” I shook my head. He didn’t buy it, but he let me be anyways. His fingers circled over my back, creating abstract shapes. He let his finger wander underneath the baggy t-shirt I was wearing and I sighed, content with him. This was all I wanted. But in a less platonic way.

“You look darker than usual, richer.” He marveled. “Have you been in the sun?” I nodded. “It’s stunning.” He hums, his hands at my arms now and all my previous worries dissipate. I hum a thank you into his neck, my lips etched into a smile. I place a soft kiss to his skin, no longer mad at him, yet still completely in love with him. He continued to lead his hands astray against my skin. “You’re stunning, you know that?” He suddenly spoke, his warm hands never leaving my skin. I pulled my head away from his neck to look at him. He eyes bore into mine and i was slightly confused. Ash always touched and voiced what he wanted, but compliments were rare. It made my heart swell to hear him say something like that to me. Truthfully, I was over the moon. “Thank you.” I couldn’t help my smile from growing as his grew, the dimples in his cheeks appearing deeper.

“I don’t tell you enough and I should.” He murmured. “I think it but I never…” He trails off, placing his forehead on mine. I hadn’t a clue what was going on but I wasn’t going to stop him. “Ash,” I started my eyes boring into his. I didn’t know what I wanted to say, but I had to tell him. “Yes, darling.” He waited patiently.. My hands began to sweat. I was about to tell him everything I’ve ever felt for him. “I love you, Ash.” I admitted. My eyes darted everywhere but his, I didn’t want to see the rejection in his eyes.

“I know.” His hand gripped my chin, my eyes diverting immediately to him to see him smile softly. “No, Ash I mean I-“

“I know, my love.” He said. A thousand emotions swarmed my stomach. He couldn’t possibly have known, I wasn’t that obvious. Or so I thought. “I’ve known.” He hummed, brushing at my hair. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion at his confession.

“And you said nothing?” I scoffed. He chuckled slightly only agitating me more. “Y/N, I wasn’t ready to admit to myself that someone like you could be in love with someone like me. I didn’t want to be embarrassed if I confessed and you really didn’t love me.” He shrugged nervously. I smiled at him softly, my hand reaching up to caress his stubbly cheek. He leaned into my touch, his eyes fluttering closed.

“You’re incredibly annoying.” I chuckled jokingly. A smile etched into his tired features. “You love me though.” He hums. “I’m completely in love with you.” It was such a relief to finally be able to say that, and it was even more of a relief to see him smile when i said it. “I love you so much.” He responds, tugging me closer. “I should call Jake and thank him for for fucking up.” Ashton jokes, his nose nudging at my cheek. “Shut up.” I swat at him before he closes his mouth over my own, capturing my lips in his.

4.22.18 x

Masterlist

#ashton irwin #5 seconds of summer #ashton 5sos #5sos #luke hemmings #michael clifford #calum hood #ashton irwin imagine #ashton irwin smut #luke hemmings smut #calum hood imagine #calum hood smut #michael clifford imagine #michael clifford smut #luke hemming imagines #writing #masterlist #5sos imagine #5sos smut #5sos fluff

[n00dl3gal]

Quirks (Saiibo Exchange)

Hi @iciclequeentrishna!! I'm your giftee for the @saiiboexchange! I went with your request for Shuichi dealing with Kiibo's quirks, with some other elements mixed in as well. I hope you like it!

Read on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14761913

Dating a robot meant adjusting to a few quirks, but Shuichi was OK with that.

He already knew about the inability to eat and the recording function, Kiibo had been up-front with those the first day of class. And whatever features Miu gave him during maintenance were no secret either, what with how loudly she broadcasted them. So even if there was some other oddity Shuichi wasn’t aware of, he’d be well-equipped to deal with it.

Or so he thought.

“You… don’t blink,” he said, subconsciously blinking himself.

Kiibo nodded. “No. I’ve approached both Miu and Professor Idabashi on the subject, but they both agree that it would be a needless feature. Since my eyes are electronic, there’s no real evolutionary need.”

The logic was sound, Shuichi reasoned. Kiibo’s eyes didn’t need to be moistened and his crying was mostly superficial. Blinking would just be a waste of resources.

As he thought, Kiibo’s lower lip quivered. “Is… is that a problem?”

“What? N-no! Kiibo, it’s fine! I was just… surprised, is all,” Shuichi answered quickly. “Although, do remind me to never challenge you to a staring contest.”

“I can do that! Is there a specific date you want me to remind you on?” Kiibo said, smiling again. He was so earnest that Shuichi couldn’t help but laugh behind his hand. “What’s so funny? Shuichi, are you making fun of me? That’s robophobic!”

He laughed even harder. My boyfriend is adorable.

. . .

Shuichi sat at his desk, jotting down a few notes from his investigation. Part of Hope’s Peak education system was “allowing the students to explore their talents,” which meant he would work alongside the local police department. It wasn’t necessarily a confidence booster, but it got him off campus for a while.

Kiibo was lying on Shuichi’s bed, playing with the Helping Yacchi he bought at the school store. Shuichi couldn’t deny he was a bit jealous of both the whale and his boyfriend. But work came first. He only had a bit more to do before-

“Nyahaha! Hello, Shuichi! Hello, Kiibo!”

The detective jumped and his pen flew out of his hand, rolling under the bed. “A-Angie, what the- what’s going on?”

She skipped over to him and tugged on his sleeve. “It’s time to work on our science project! Don’t tell Angie you forgot!” Truthfully, he had forgotten, or at least he wished Angie had. He’d rather work on detective stuff than whatever “science” Angie had in mind, and that was a rarity.

“N-no, I hadn’t, but it’s not polite of you to j-just barge in like that,” he said, peeling her off of him. “I could’ve been… indisposed.”

Angie nodded, smile not wavering one bit. “Angie is sorry, and Atua is too! But you’ll come over and help, right?”

Kiibo sat up and watched them, Yacchi held close to his chest. “If you need to leave, Shuichi, it’s alright. I can go back to my dorm,” he said.

“If you don’t mind. I’ll be over in a minute, Angie. I just need to find my pen,” he explained. Angie laughed and left, and both boys exhaled. “I think it rolled under the bed…” Shuichi bent down, feeling across the dark carpet. “I can’t see anything, dammit!”

“Here, allow me!” There was a quick flash as light filled the void.

Shuichi mumbled his thanks and began his search again, this time successfully. As he stood back up, though, he was nearly blinded by the brightness emitting from Kiibo’s chest. “Ah- could y-you please turn that off?”

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Kiibo cried as the light vanished. “Are you alright, Shuichi?”

The detective nodded, rubbing at his eyes. “I’m fine, that was just… very bright. Since when did you have a flashlight function?”

“Miu installed it last week! I haven’t had a chance to show it off yet, and I didn’t feel it was worth bringing up… I’m guessing Miu hasn’t mentioned it, either,” Kiibo said, twiddling his fingers. “I hope that’s not a problem!”

Shuichi shook his head and laughed softly. “It’s not a problem at all, Kiibo. In fact, it was very helpful. Thank you.” He wrapped his arms around the robot, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. “I’ll stop by your dorm after I finish with Angie.” He stepped away, still holding Kiibo’s shoulders, expression suddenly solemn. “If I’m not there in two hours, call the police.”

. . .

Shuichi was well aware he spent an inordinate amount of time in the Hope’s Peak library. It came with his Ultimate; the logs of case records and legal files rivaled that of the police department’s. Even if he wasn’t a detective, he’d still be in there to do research for class or find a new novel to enjoy in his few free moments. So yes, he was thankful the library existed and he was always welcome there. But it also made him easy to find.

Not that he minded when Kiibo interrupted him, but still.

“Kiibo, what’s wrong? Wh-” Shuichi’s eyes flicked up at the robot’s hair. “Where’s your antenna?”

“Kokichi stole it!” Kiibo whined, eyes watering. So it’s detachable, then, Shuichi thought. But Kiibo seems unhappy that it’s gone, so maybe it’s not meant to be removed anyway. But I suppose it’s good to know his new crying function works... “He s-said something about u-using it as a scepter o-or- can you help me get it back, Shuichi?”

The detective nodded, shutting his book. “Of course. Where were you when he stole it?”

“Our classroom, he ran towards the right wing a-afterwards,” Kiibo said, still sniffling. Shuichi reached into his backpack and pulled out a pack of tissues. “Th-thank you,” he mumbled, blowing his nose. Not that anything would happen, it mostly just calmed Kiibo down and made him feel more human.

The pair jogged along, heading to the stairwell, when Shuichi noticed a third party. “Gonta, have you seen Kokichi anywhere?”

“Oh! Shuichi, Kiibo! Gonta just see Kokichi!” the larger boy said, waving at them. “He said he had to hide from you and not tell you which way he went…”

Kiibo sighed. “That sounds like him… Gonta, Kokichi took something very important from me and we’re trying to get it back. Could you please tell us where he went?”

Gonta blinked and frowned. “Kokichi… steal from Kiibo? That’s not what gentleman does!” he said, curling his fists.

“No, it’s not,” Shuichi agreed, tugging on his hat. “But a gentleman would help us recover what was taken. So please, which way did he go?” he asked with a smile.

The entomologist nodded and pointed towards the dining hall. “Kokichi go that way!”

“Thank you Gonta!” Kiibo yelled as the pair dashed forward. Shuichi glanced backwards to see him wave goodbye before focusing on their location.

It’s unlikely that Kokichi headed for the dining hall, seeing as Kirumi would be in there and she would likely stop him. Maki is in charge of the school store today, which means Kokichi would avoid it at all costs. That only leaves-

“He’s in the warehouse!” he said, grabbing Kiibo’s hand and pulling him to the door. Sure enough, when they entered the warehouse, Kokichi was there, waving the antenna like a conductor’s baton. “Kokichi, give that back!”

“Hey guys!” Kokichi laughed, drawing out the last syllable. “I was wondering when you’d get here, I was so boooorrreeed waiting for you,” he whined. “But maybe that was a lie and I’m really pissed to see you, who knows?”

“Kokichi, please give me back my antenna,” Kiibo pleaded. The robot stuck his hand out. “I don’t want to drag this out.”

“Aww, don’t want to spend time with lil’ ol’ me? I’m so hurt, ahhhhhhh!” The smaller boy burst into tears which evaporated as soon as they started. “But it’s not surprising, really. After all, robots can’t really make friends with humans, can they?” Kokichi asked, arms behind his head.

Shuichi could hear Kiibo’s blood- well, oil- boil. “That’s incredibly robophobic! You know very well I am able to form bonds with all of my classmates!”

Shuichi nodded. “And you’re aware that Kiibo and I are… are d-dating,” he sputtered, managing to suppress his blush. “B-but that’s not the point. Kokichi, give me the antenna back or I’ll be forced to involve the faculty.”

“Fiiinnneee… it’s not fun stealing from you guys, anyway,” Kokichi conceded, tossing the antenna to Kiibo. “You always do exactly what I expect and it’s so boring.” He skipped over to the door and opened it with a flourish. “Or is it?” The supreme leader glanced back at the pair of lovers. “You dating was a surprise… maybe you are entertaining. Nahhhhh, I’m just kidding! Nee-hee-hee!” And with that, the door shut with a resounding thwang .

Kiibo exhaled deeply. “Thank you, Shuichi,” he said earnestly, smiling at the other boy. “Do you mind helping me fix it-”

“Ah, no problem!” Shuichi yelped, taking the antenna and re-attaching it to the robot’s head. “There, did I do it correctly?” Kiibo nodded and he grinned. “Good. I’d hate to cause you additional harm.” Something about that comment, however, must have upset Kiibo, as he teared up a moment later. “Wh- Kiibo, are you alright? Are you sure I didn’t hurt you?”

“I-I’m fine, it’s just… nobody’s ever been as kind to me as you are,” Kiibo sniffled, fat drops rolling down his cheeks. “A-aside from Professor Idabashi, of course, but- you’re incredibly nice, Shuichi…”

“Oh Kiibo,” Shuichi whispered, pulling his boyfriend into a hug. “You deserve kindness, alright? Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.” In a moment of bravery, he bent down and pressed a quick kiss to Kiibo’s cheeks. While he expected the wetness, the saltiness of traditional tears was nowhere to be found. “Kiibo… what are your tears made out of?”

“Coolant, if I remember correctly…”

Shuichi paled and pursed his lips. “Ah… do you mind escorting me to the nurse’s office?”

(He made a mental note to never kiss a crying Kiibo again, no matter how much it hurt him.)

. . .

As much as he enjoyed attending Hope’s Peak, Shuichi still disliked gym class. He reasoned he’d dislike it no matter the school, simply due to his less-than-athletic nature. But as far as gym classes, free day in the pool wasn’t the worst option.

Admittedly, he was uneasy having his bare chest exposed, but having all his classmates in their swimsuits too lessened the discomfort. Well, almost all of his classmates. Kiibo sat on the bleachers alone, unable to swim due to his weight. Shuichi was a bit lonely without his boyfriend, truth be told, even if Kiibo insisted he’d be alright. “I do wish I could swim with you, but my bulk, even without my armor, would just cause me to sink. But I’ll be cheering for you from the bleachers!” Shuichi wasn’t sure what he’d be cheering him on for, but he appreciated the sentiment.

He waved at Kiibo from the waters, smiling when the robot waved back. “Pity we don’t get to see him shirtless, too,” said a voice from behind him. “Everyone could see his lack of nips!”

“Ah- Miu, don’t scare me like that!” he chastised, turning to face her. “Wait, what did you say?”

“What, are your ears as clogged up as your asshole? I said he doesn’t have any nipples!” Miu yelled, jabbing at his chest.

Immediately, Shuichi blanched. “N-not so loud… But are you serious?” His voice dropped a decibel. “He doesn’t have n-nip-nipples?” He could barely get the word out, each syllable a stutter from embarrassment.

Miu shrugged, flicking some hair behind her shoulder. “Course I am, dickweed! I know Keebs better than anyone, inside and out! Kyahahaha!”

“Fascinating,” Korekiyo said as he floated past. “Although logical, really. Kiibo would have no need for them.” He’s right, Shuichi thought, seeing as they’re already useless on human men. It would be silly if Professor Idabashi had built them. “But just another difference between humans and robots, it seems,” the anthropologist added.

“Th-that’s robophobic,” Shuichi mumbled, glancing back up at Kiibo.

Miu began cackling again, legs kicking up gushes of water. “Holy shit, are you two that close? What, did you swallow a bunch of his cum and oil and turn into a robot too?” she teased, poking his chest. On instinct, Shuichi reached for his hat, only to be met with his bangs. Instead, he settled for sinking deeper into the pool.

Korekiyo rolled his eyes, and Shuichi imagined he was frowning under his mask. Wait, he still wears that even while swimming? “Miu, stop being quite so vulgar. Some of us are trying to enjoy our time here.”

Miu immediately recoiled and flushed, stammering. Kaede swam over from her game of volleyball with Tenko to grab her shoulder. “C’mon, Miu, let’s go over here, yeah?” the pianist said quietly with a smile. Miu nodded. “Alright. Sorry boys.”

“Not at all,” Korekiyo drawled, while Shuichi just nodded in their direction.

“Y’all wanna talk about nips, talk about these two beauties right here,” Miu said to herself as she and Kaede swam away.

Korekiyo looked at Shuichi closely. “Shuichi, I would like to ask a small favor of you.”

“A-ah? What is it?”

“Your relationship with Kiibo… it’s quite interesting to me, given my area of expertise. Human and robot relations are a relatively new field and it’s possible I could be the first to report on the subject. Would you be opposed to granting me an interview about you two? Kiibo could join, of course, I’d rather welcome his input,” Korekiyo explained.

Shuichi scratched the back of his neck. “I’ll have to ask Kiibo first, but I suppose it wouldn’t be a problem… truth be told, I’m still learning a lot about him.”

“Kehehe… only natural. We learn new things about our lovers every day. Please, do let me know when you have a definitive answer.” And as quickly as he came, Korekiyo disappeared.

With a sigh, Shuichi kicked and began floating on his back. He truly loved his classmates, but they were all a little bit odd.

. . .

Strictly speaking, students weren’t supposed to have guests overnight in the dorms. They would turn a blind eye to same-sex sleepovers, but no co-ed mingling was allowed. Shuichi knew it was to prevent anything naughty that would soil Hope’s Peak’s reputation, but… well, maybe it was just his class that was abnormally non-heterosexual.

Kiibo shuffled closer, laying his head on Shuichi’s shoulder. “Statistically speaking, it was inevitable for you to one day accuse the wrong person. Mostly due to your inexperience and age,” he said quietly, intertwining their fingers.

Shuichi sighed and pulled off his reading glasses. “I know, and I agree, but… it would be nice if you just gave me some general comforting platitudes, Kiibo.”

“A-ah! I’m sorry! Um… you’ll get them next time!” Kiibo chirped, and Shuichi couldn’t help but smile. “Oh, it’s already working! Should I continue?”

The detective shook his head. “I’d rather just go to sleep, if you don’t mind. Although having you around to c-cuddle will help,” he added, kissing Kiibo’s nose. Their faces mirrored each other in scarlet. He stood and turned off the light, lips upturning when he heard Kiibo shift beneath the covers. A moment later, he joined the robot. “Do you want to be facing in or out tonight?”

“In, so I can protect you from your personal demons!” Kiibo announced. “I realize that’s not how it actually works, of course, but it’s a symbolic gesture…”

Shuichi laughed and rolled onto his side. “I understand, Kiibo. I really appreciate it.” Truth be told, he really did enjoy being the little spoon. He felt safe with Kiibo’s arms. And those arms wouldn’t be sore and and potentially dislocated the next morning, unlike Shuichi’s.

Kiibo hummed and buried his face in Shuichi’s hair. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy,” he whispered. “Within reason, of course.” His nose brushed aside a few strands to reveal the nape of Shuichi’s neck. “Huh? Shuichi, you have some kind of mark on the back of your neck!”

“Wh-what? What does it look like?” Shuichi asked panickingly. He started to twist around, but Kiibo’s grip held him in place.

“It’s sort of pink and blotchy…”

Shuichi exhaled. “Oh, it’s my birthmark, it’s nothing to worry about.”

“Birthmark? I apologize, but I’m not entirely familiar with that term,” Kiibo mumbled.

“It’s essentially a discoloration or raised portion of the skin, present since birth. The little dot by Maki’s eye, that’s a birthmark. I believe the particular mark I have is called a ‘stork’s bite,’ colloquially.”

Kiibo nodded, face still rubbing against Shuichi’s skin. “I see. Professor Idabashi did once mention something about babies being delivered by storks, perhaps this is related!” Shuichi opened his mouth to protest and explain the truth- do I really have the mental fortitude to explain human reproduction to my robot boyfriend?- when Kiibo continued. “Still, I’m glad to have learned about this additional human experience; maybe I’ll ask the Professor to give me a birthmark.” And then, in a movement that surprised them both, he pushed aside the hair and kissed the mark.

Shuichi immediately shivered. “A-ah…” he gasped, shuddering against Kiibo.

The robot immediately recoiled. “Shuichi, did I hurt you?”

“N-no… that actually felt really nice. I guess that spot must be sensitive,” Shuichi admitted. Tentatively, Kiibo kissed the spot again. Shuichi rolled over and grabbed Kiibo’s hand. “Kiibo… I. I l-love you.”

He had thought it before, of course, but saying it was an entirely different matter. What if Kiibo wasn’t prepared for such a confession? Would their sleepy cuddles evolve into something more risque? Were either of them ready for that sort of encounter?

But Kiibo, despite all his blushing, managed to squeeze Shuichi’s hand. He inhaled, despite it not being necessary, and breathed out “I-I love you, too.” He pressed his forehead to the human and smiled.

Dating a human meant adjusting to a few quirks, but Kiibo was OK with that.

#noodle writes #saiiboexchange #iciclequeentrishna #saiibo #danganronpa fanfiction #saiibo exchange #danganronpa #fanfic #saikiibo #shuichi saihara #k1-b0 #kiibo

[acabloe]

Soon Goodbye, Now Love: Chapter 2

chapter one

A/N wow I got way bigger a response than I thought I was going to and its pretty small ngl but I’m really glad you guys are liking this small baby I am creating. Thank u !! Also I’m kind of a newbie to the bechloe fandom n im rly curious if there’s a sort of home-base for all bechloe fics? sort of like how the phandom has @phanfic ? tyy thats all hope u enjoy :))

tw’s: abuse, swearing, depression, mentions of death, anxiety, trauma (motor accident, near death)

Chapter Two: Soon A Painting

Very slowly Beca began to gain more and more consciousness, beginning with a sharp tingling in her feet, fingers, and face. She became aware of the thick and muddy grass beneath her stomach that stuck uncomfortably and dampened her clothes. Her ribs ached from where she guessed she’d fallen on them. She took a breath in and coughed as she accidentally inhaled dirt. Attempting to push herself onto her knees, she brought her palms to her side and pressed upwards firmly, elbows and wrists smarting under her weight. Her head throbbed as she parted her eyelids but she forced herself to leave them open to adjust to the light and observe her surroundings. As she scanned the empty field, she struggled to remember why she was there. Unsure of how much time had passed while she had been unconscious, she reached reached into her pocket for her phone. When it wasn’t there her movements became more frantic, running her palms over the wet terf and blinking rapidly to attempt to clear her fuzzed vision in the dark. Then suddenly she realized that she didn’t even own a phone, and everything came back to her. Memories flooded her brain like rain after weeks of humid days and packed overcast skies.

She had died Beca had died and she had gone to heaven…sort of. In place of Chloe. Beca had pleaded with...someone, she didn’t know who, and had taken Chloe’s place. She’d woken in front of a giant grey building and ascended the stairs, and she had walked down the alpine-ceilinged hall lined with black and white marble-tiled flooring and flanking dark wooden desks. She remembered chuckling softly to herself thinking of how it had looked like the magical bank from Harry Potter, only without the goblins or flying papers. Pelen, her later Guardian-trainer, had been at the end of the hall, sat at the tallest desk, and he’d explained everything about her trade for Chloe’s life and about the payment for her actions by becoming a guardian angel for an infinitude and the necessity for the erasure of Chloe’s memories of their friendship and lives together. Then had come the months and months of guardian training, the pining and the anguish for endless, horrible nights on end. Oh, those nights, when she had been unable to sleep, distracting herself from the grief by plotting any conceivable way she could see Chloe for one last time. Whoever had agreed to let her trade places had clearly not anticipated Beca’s determination to reunite herself with Chloe by any means considerably possible.              When came the end of training and everyone’s human assignment, she had been stationed in Siberia to guard a local scientologist...Geoffrey? Jack? (She felt awful for not remembering his name.) But Beca obdurately broke into the human-assignment database (with ease; the process had oddly reminded her of using Garage Band, only with thin hovering bronze bars and colored beads, still sound waves though,) and changed, by hand, her human assignment to guard Chloe. While everyone had been in place to be dropped to earth, she had escaped unseen to the edge of the city to the closest region she could find in Chloe’s vicinity. And now she was here. In this field. This freezing, wet, scary-ass field.

She wasn’t even sure if she was in the right state. She didn’t recognize anything about her location and surroundings and her plans had only gone this far. She had simply assumed that somehow Chloe would find her shortly after Beca’s fall, welcome her into her home to nurture her back to health, and everything would return to the state it had been before all of this mess. Cursing herself for not planning ahead more, her anxiety began to spike and she forced herself to count as she breathed. Why had she thought that simply jumping out of heaven would be the best idea? She had no belongings, no clothes, nowhere to sleep, and worst of all, no money. 

She shakily stood and decided that the best thing to do right now would be to walk off the pins and needles in her legs and to scout out the area. She had also read somewhere that exercise stimulated the brain. Small steps Beca, small steps, She chanted to herself while she stretched her fingers and cracked her neck and back. As she checked her body for more serious injuries or broken bones, she realized that the clothes she was wearing were her own from the night she died and she groaned in annoyance at her past-self. Why didn’t you at least go out with style, moron? You planned your retirement to the most ridiculous detail but you couldn’t even die in a flow-y white dress or something? She was still damp from the grass and she was only wearing socks, no shoes. Her outfit from training had been simple white overalls and a grey, soft knit sort-of sweater. Everyone wore a variation of the same outfit, plus one pair of shoes of their choice (Beca had picked red sweade pumas because she had seen Blake Lively wearing a pair once) now she was beginning to miss those shoes. The only reason, she thought, that would have made simply following the rules a better choice of actions. As she trudged gradually around the perimeter of the field, she searched for any signs of life. She heard far-off cars and airplanes overhead and the path she had been walking was well-trodden and relatively flat. She spotted the glimmer of some distant lights, and decided that once she had relaxed her muscles and figured out some mode of transportation to get there, she would make her way in that direction. And then she thought better of it and realized that sleeping in one of the bushes would probably be safest. And easiest. With the least walking. And effort. 

As she trudged her way around the perimeter of the field, she searched for signs of life. She heard far-off cars and airplanes overhead and the path she had been walking was well-trodden and relatively flat. She spotted the glimmer of some distant lights, and decided that once she had relaxed her muscles and figured out some mode of transportation to get there, she would make her way in that direction. And then she thought better of it and realized that sleeping in one of the bushes would probably be safest. And easiest. With the least walking. And effort.

Beca and Chloe’s relationship had probably been the at the forefront of both of their existences before Chloe’s accident. They had often teased that Beca’s sophomore (Chloe’s senior) year of high school was the year they both properly became people. That statement was, for a plethora of reasons, relatively metaphorically true; It was the year when Beca’s mother passed away, and Beca’s father had left her because the grief had been to much to handle. Her mental health had spiraled, and she became closed off and for the most part unresponsive. Chloe had relocated all the way across the country from her home in Seattle, and had never really shared solid friendship with anyone. She also suffered abuse from her parents for being openly bisexual. As Beca and Chloe grew closer, their relationship became the most fundamental part of their lives. Wherever Chloe went, Beca followed. After a lot of convincing on Chloe’s part, together they joined an all girls a capella group at their university, where they became properly close with other people for the first time in their lives besides each other. Chloe had stayed two extra years in college, telling everyone the reason was that she could not bare to leave the group, but really the majority of her motivation came from the wish to see Beca through her junior and senior year, and then graduate with her. Beca had often come to family gatherings and holidays with Chloe, and vice versa with to visit Beca’s removed family, often in other parts of the world. Friends joked that they were so close anyone would guess they were married, and they would laugh it off or play along, jesting to boast engagement rings, or play fake surprise proposals.

But the matter of it was that Beca secretly abhorred these fake shows of romance and marriage. Because ever since her first year of college, she’d been madly in love with Chloe.

There was no need for her to ask or talk about the subject. Beca had known since the beginning of her feelings for her that Chloe would never feel the same way, and so absolved to ride it out until she simply did not feel anything other than close platonic intimacy for her. In spite of all her efforts, five years later she felt exactly the same, if not stronger than before, and it was miserable.

When Chloe was found eight miles from their home, unconscious on an embankment by the highway after her car had been hit by a drunk driver, Beca went into extreme shock. Chloe was rushed to the hospital but by the time they had arrived at the ER, it was too late. She had been hanging on by an already worn thread, and Beca had prayed for the first time in her life that night. She pleaded with all the higher powers she could think of to take Chloe’s place, and curiously enough, her requests were immediately taken into effect. Apparently, Beca Mitchel was an exception to the laws of prayer in most religions.

Eventually Beca neared the halfway mark of her third lap. Her anxiety had dwindled little, though her legs were mostly returned to a more natural and pin-free state. The deep and rather eerie quiet of the place was what she’d been strongly accustomed to since she’d woken up, so when someone behind her shouted loudly in her direction, she nearly sprinted into the bushes to her right. When she glanced behind her and saw the form of a woman waving and walking idly, she was set at a tiny bit more ease and waved back apprehensively. Shit, Becs what’re you gonna do now, you look like a maniac. Dude, you're not even wearing shoes. Just play it cool, act hostile and moody, the regular. It’s probably too dark to even see my clothes anyway right? She made a brief attempt to brush off some of the dirt and grass still on her clothes and ran her fingers through her hair a few times.

Rapid footsteps approached from behind her and suddenly the girl had caught up to walk alongside her. Beca sighed quietly in annoyance and scanned her mind for an explanation as to why she was out this late and wearing the bare minimum and no shoes in a 30°(F) field.

Beca turned to look at the girls face and had to promptly hold herself back from  shouting or even remotely outwardly responding. Even in the gloomy darkness, the shiny doe-eyed look of the girl next to her was painfully unmistakable. Beca had not planned or expected herself to react so violently as she did when she saw this face again.

“Hi.” She controlled her voice to the best of her ability, but the lack of recognition in Chloe's next statements and the sudden realization of her stupidity in mistakenly romanticizing and simplifying the entire situation around only her own desires was so painful that Beca doubted she could hold back tears. The sight of Chloe after months, years, of grieving was just too much. She did try, but they simply came, silently streaming down her cheeks, one after the other.

“It’s so chilly for this time of year, I don’t usually even come here while on walks. The mist is so spooky!”

Beca realized it was her turn to speak. She saw Chloe turn to look at her from her peripheral view and realized it was to late to do anything about her tears so she struggled to keep her voice even as she replied.

“yeah. Super spooky.”

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