misterbitches

[misterbitches]

compilation of texts my mom has sent me when my cat is wailing outside my room and i haven’t opened the door for her yet

[misterbitches]

ALSO AS A FORMER CHILD WHO ALSO LOST TEETH (BC I AM A HUMAN BEING) THAT PULLING OF HIS TOOTH WAS ON SOME PUSSY SHIT I WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MAD i mean it isn’t it’s a good thing to do but OMFG pogjihoauhigjpok[gjapihouijsogk[jiphougashijokgoajiphuo HATED IT. LOSING TEETH IS DISGUSTING AND HURTS AND WHY ARE HUMANS SO GROSS like wtf our bodies are so.........WEIRD

#may i help you

[misterbitches]

may i help you does grief so well and accurately but it hurts so bad i just burst out into tears because i miss my uncle so much and describing those feelings in ep 9 were so accurate. and the show lets people know how fucked up of a process grief is, how genuinely traumatic it can be and the guilt and fucking blame. especially if it’s sudden, when you made plans with this person but they’re just gone. and they’re never coming back again. you know the people involved in production have lost someone or are aware, on a personal level, of how possible it is and will be. because, and this sucks, it’s a natural part of life.  

all you want to do is see them again and you can’t and maybe you squandered your time with them on earth. relationships are so hard and there’s ebbs and flows and perfection is never near enough; if it’s good? it fucking hurts, but if  you were angry with them, or something shifted in your relationship, maybe a childhood friend it fucking hurts. but even when expected, with cancer (which can also come on suddenly), or fucking covid—that watching someone die is traumatizing, too.

at 21-25, when my grandfather and grandmother died, i didn’t consider myself an adult like i am now. they were old and sick and now, looking back, i dealt with my grandpa’s death hard but i didn’t think about it. my grandma wasn’t as hard, but it’s still hard thinking about why it wasn’t as hard for me and it probably was hard i just don’t know it (again) because they were such a big part of my life. but as a full-fledged adult nothing compares to the pain of losing my uncle. the awareness i have and those feelings are some of the worst feelings i have ever felt and i’ve been through some shit. 

so i cannot IMAGINE a child going through this. my mom lost her dad at 15, my cousins lost their father at 12 and 15. and the circumstances of someone’s death is also important. and honestly? you won’t know until you go through it just like you won’t know what it’s like to deal with cancer until you are dealing with it and that’s an experience that can’t be named or iterated clearly. 

i wish i knew for sure that god existed so at least i can know that the people we’ve lost are in true peace. death is eternal, final, but you’re still everywhere. also the fact that telling a boy he’s allowed to grieve and cry, ostensibly forever because, you know, his fucking dad is dead and losing a parent as a kid or adolescent is horrendous, is great since masculinity and patriarchy tell them they can’t. on top of the world thinking that grief is linear, that mourning you get over, instead of dealing with for the rest of your life.  which is crazy and why humanity is beautiful because we are all going to encounter death but we choose to love and live anyway even if it’s coming, even if we lose people. so it hurts like hell but we can keep going for them but mostly for ourselves because the people that loved you and left wouldn’t want you to not move forward. put your best foot forward. man i was trying to relax before working and answering my messages but i’m just sobbing!!!!!!!!!!

#a thot #hope you're happy up there #may i help you #one hundred won butler

[misterbitches]

#never never never gonna see you never gonna die again #may i help you #one hundred won butler #i miss my uncle a lot and it's just trash

[misterbitches]

the film i’m editing

#spoiler except not at all and u wont see it lmao

[misterbitches]

watch it

#spring turns to spring

[misterbitches]

am i ever gona be able to watch a noh hee kyung production again i dont ever wanna see byung hun’s fuckin face and yet

[misterbitches]

5 ibuprofen 2 garlic

[misterbitches]

#mom...

[misterbitches]

wtf is this why is there  a printer here

#oh i have adblock on i saw a glimpse of why idk they asking for money? no thanks!

[misterbitches]

since i've been watching more "acclaimed" “television” and “films” and doing more “film work”, i feel myself moving ever on from this genre of bl and now, gl...but in the literal sense of these tv series as a different market. when i'm bored or need to de-stress, i watch, but my attention can’t be held much anymore. maybe because i recall when every component was meant to be seen and every scene was thoughtful, even if escapist or comedic. that doesn't mean i haven't found good shows, artists haven’t made good work, or i haven’t found pairings to like (obviously) or that there aren’t things to say or even that i haven’t changed my mind a lot about what i like and why, gone back and seen merit. that they aren’t people who have things to say, and say it well, it’s just that most of it is....same. rote. unchanging. static. maybe it’s also because i’m stressed and my hair was falling out and it didn’t slow down that process?!?!?!? like hello!

anyway lowkey feel nothing for the girls in gap and i guess it's my age and the fact that the girls are 19-21 and teensy. i also didn’t like scoy at all (minus like daisy and som but god the accusations people lob at others for not liking it) and there are other adult or serious queer women stories to see. is it the hype? is it how people describe these shows and the genre? the new gmmtv gl looks beige as hell like in a very becky-esque way (not the lil mixed girl actress! who is decent enough and completely adorable, but becky-esque as in basique) but i felt...something? for gap i might clock in when they become physical because that's what the girls (me) want and i’m her for them (the girls), but  rn i'm unengaged. 

(talking abt capitalism tv and qu**rs for abt 50000 minutes under here)

(also go see tar for some crazy queer shit! do it go go do it only if u want to tho and only if u r in the mood 4 some fucked up shit lmao not romance)

i think these shows have a lot of pressure to reflect a community when they can't, when bl can't even do that (thank fucking god) and doesn’t want to. and to make money. mostly that. we've always been part of a market, no matter our sexuality; we buy and sell stuff, sell our labor, alienation and all that but when it's marketed to you (girls, and here especially queer girls), it feels like another box.

i forget that these shows are mostly pure romances or romcoms, taking from the well of romantic clichés in all cultures, heterormative or not, based on mostly masculine, often fetishistic or racistesque tropes/ideals embedded (think thinness or attractiveness of one’s body, one’s social capital). those of us who know and share these feelings and/or are in relationships with women create them (sometimes), but we have our own internalized difficulties, too. it's a common language that doesn't change with sexuality because desire is invisible (which is why it's vital to call out our internalized and externalized concerns). when i'm shocked, i start to expect more, therefore the word queer in the loosest sense (which is overused and over-categorized yet misunderstood) doesn't apply because it's about relationships (and sex) first and life, being,  second. if you're not matched up, you stop being a "queer person" and there's no story. that isn’t to say that escapism or whatever doesn’t work or isn’t an okay function to have, that romance as a driver isn’t the most common story we have in our lives—my point is that to eschew that categorization as such makes it seem like it isn’t, giving the work an inflated sense of itself when it is. even the specific productions rely on your knowledge of: the genre, knowledge of the work if it's an adaptation, investment in the actors, the studio or corporation (and now even the producer, which is insane to me!)  but evenn then....why can’t i feel that??!?!?!? make it happen already without all this previous shit!!! it’s like a fucking oscar campaign which i cannot goddamn stand. just let it stand on its own but it CANNOT DO THAT!!!!

so while i don't feel bad for not liking this, and having other queer stories with women that i prefer (from other countries), i feel that people's responses are, if one enjoys it, an assumption that because it's two women (in this case just out of teenhood lmao god i'm old) people won't like it or that we should give it more of a chance because bl had a rocky start. i think giving things more of a chance is fair, not everyone does or should, but it is fair and a good ask, seriously media literacy is great; and i understand the impulse as one thing being “the first of its kind” (though the first is never the first, iykyk).  i don't think bl should be at this level at. all. anyone who knows me knows that and why i feel that way. it's crazy to have such a congested market, and the money they're making is outrageous. it's not revolutionary and one of the most frequent and dull media markets next to tiktok shows. i criticize the shows' competency because, except from indies, the companies are begging for money, fucking foaming at the mouth for it.

i hope the "gl" market doesn't get too crowded, but whatever. not necessarily a good thing because it doesn't level things out in the actual world or in the hands of capital, which repackages, mainstreams, and sells it to ruin and profit the most. but i can see how it moves a marginal needle, like anything else: i.e. more of this type of (one note) love can be seen and made, and the absolute best outcome, one i will always support, is people getting more work and being able to make things they like, or, most importantly, artists being able to support themselves with work in a hopefully good work environment (but lbr...probably most times not)  good work environment. the point is people have to unfortunately work to eat, and if they get to contribute while doing something they love (filmmaking)? good. even if its’ bad, or boring, or whatever like....at least? that?

then again a lot of it is trash but...that’s also fine. things can continually fucking suck, not everything is on an artistic scale. so maybe gap sux, and the few gls that will be shown may sux, and maybe it's worth it to keep an eye out for things not on a big platform or poured into by a big company or a big name, and not just romances since that's not only in our lives, because none of this is authentic but i feel like i'm being asked to think it is? and that’s when it gets weird, meta, cringier and what makes people more annoying.

ironically, i watched all the queer stuff with women before i got into bl (wonder why lmao), and a lot of it is on film, but i think this specific genre in these specific countries came into my life at such a specific time and emerging from that time, being even more of an adult, i feel like i'm coming out of it. i'm not sure what i've learned...probably nothing. is it entertaining? did it stop being entertaining? i am, however, getting sick of men’s poor decisions and even though it’s annoying when women or other people make them my gOD we’re a lot less fucking pussy about it.

#a thot

[misterbitches]

fjspihugo idk why this is killing me

the way that one of sam’s dearest friends just announced that she’s pregnant, the first of their friend group to be so, and sam was more worried about why mon hadn’t texted her…. girl be serious

[misterbitches]

#gap the series #this i felt in my hort #when a hot bitch is like 'oh word?' and ur like 'grl wy tryna do?' #404

[misterbitches]

not hobbit

I love Sam’s gorgeous friend group, but what hobbit-ass meal was that? She just came from a sit down dinner to a second sit down dinner with knives, forks, napkins, and everything?

Eat greasy handheld food on the side of the road at 1am like the rest of us.

[misterbitches]

Lux has a guest role in the drama!!!

Let me tell you this. She appears on screen

There will be no survivers

#yeaaaa #gap the series

[misterbitches]

“Here, boba tea to cure your embarrassment.”

#lmao #messy #gap the series

[misterbitches]

kirk bestie please 💀

#lmao #gap the series