#man how come we had to get the genre I’m not interested in and TikTok got the fun one

[monstergirlclaws]

#Zepotha #Goncharov #man how come we had to get the genre I’m not interested in and TikTok got the fun one #like the op who came up with this idea is 18 and I don’t want to bully a teenager #but based on their comments they started this solely to promote an upcoming album they made #which. hm

[angelayag]

3 a.m. Doomscrolling

It was 3 a.m. in the morning, and she was in a dark, cold place with only her phone lighting the room. She was lying comfortably in her bed, snuggling with her body pillow, and feeling the warmth of her soft blanket wrapped around her. Before this, she made a promise to herself that she would fix her sleeping schedule as her online class starts at 7 a.m. and she didn’t want to feel droopy for the entirety of her class, but here we are again repeating the same cycle that she always does, scrolling through social media without noticing or even caring how much time has passed. It seems like the internet has consumed her life, from sunrise to sunset. She couldn’t even eat without some sort of entertainment video to watch; now, it even devours her time of rest.

Despite her being on her phone the entire day, you would think that she would eventually get bored and tired of web surfing, but no, it seems like her scrolling through the internet never stops. She had fallen into the rabbit hole of doomscrolling, and that "she" was me. 

Yeah, I know that I have a serious problem, as is evident from how I relate to the meme that I am looking at right now, which is a clown looking at the mirror and telling themselves that they are "definitely" going to fix their sleeping schedule. I just had to share this post with the caption "literally me rn" because the timing of this meme is just impeccable. Now, on to scrolling through Facebook once again. 

Facebook is a platform with multigenerational users, as people from all walks of life have gathered in this app. We have boomer folks who post inspirational quotes about not judging a book by its cover, along with a sketchy article of a supposed rumor about a celeb. We have younger pals who questionably may have violated Facebook’s terms of service due to the age limit, but here they are posting about their love life struggles at a very young age but also gullible enough to believe that Slender Man actually exists. We sure have wildcard characters that we can encounter on this app. 

As I scroll through Facebook, I see memes, photos of my FB friends, with whom I haven't even shared a word or two in real life, and fake news articles about politicians. I’m not even going to look at the comments, as it will surpass my low expectations about their comprehension. Through these seas of posts, something caught my eye, and that was Donalyn Bartolme’s birthday party with a "kalye" theme.

A rich person cosplaying as poor as a theme for a birthday party is definitely a controversial move and a guarantee of cancellation, at least to some. She claimed that she only did that to commemorate her past struggles before fame. Scrolling through comments, it seems like I share the same sentiment as people outside of Donalyn’s fanbase. Her action was incredibly tone deaf, as the hardships of poor people aren’t just decorations that only stay on certain occasions; they have to live with that struggle every single day. I presume, one of the side effects of being an influencer is losing a grasp of reality. 

This made me lose hope for humanity. Nevermind, I just saw a post about the COVID-19 case numbers going up. I mean, this isn’t necessarily new, as everyday COVID patients keep multiplying, but this made my frustration about the birthday thing insignificant. Weirdly enough, this realization did stop me from scrolling through Facebook. However, determined to make myself feel better, a quick scroll through Tiktok might do the trick. 

Tiktok is a haven for short-form video content. But even if the videos there take seconds to watch, it sure takes hours of your time as it easily spews out personal feeds for you to keep entertained. You can encounter various creators there from every genre or hobby imaginable as it tries to appeal to audiences with certain niches.

As I’m scrolling through Tiktok, I come across videos of comedy skits, fun facts, thirst traps, fan edits of my favorite fictional characters, interesting talents such as puppeteers and magicians, and tarot card reading, which I’m not a believer in yet still find intriguing. It seems like all is well; I am here having a good time until I came across this video of a guy, mad that the upcoming game Grand Theft Auto VI is becoming "woke" by adding a female character as a protagonist of their game.

Imagine boycotting a game just because it didn’t align with your wrapped-up view of society. The comments only ignite the fire even more as they make sexist comments, changing the way they look at the game franchise when the game is literally just about recklessly committing crimes.

But it only got worse from there, as my feed recommended a clip from one of those "alpha" male podcasts and introduced me to Andrew Tate. The clip in question is him talking about how men are allowed to cheat but women aren’t. I went to his profile, perplexed by his comment, only to find video after video of his misogyny, such as saying that the value of women decreases the more men she sleeps with or that women's only purpose is to serve men. His words were regarded as scripture in his fanbase, which is alarming considering that most of his fans are just teenage boys. Even with this, I was still invested in him, even as far as knowing information that wasn’t necessary to know, like how he used to be a professional kickboxer or that he was arrested for human trafficking.

Baffled by the negativity I’ve inflicted upon myself, why not add more fuel to the fire by visiting twitter next. 

Twitter is essentially microblogging, where you're free to post what’s on your mind, opinions you want to share, or just what is currently happening in your life with a 280-character limit. Your text, known as a "tweet," is broadcast across the platform and can be found by the masses, who can add their own comment about the thing you just tweeted in the form of quote tweeting or by simply replying under the post.

Twitter is a platform for free speech. As I scroll through it, various tweets pop up, some of which are from my friends but primarily from online strangers. What do we have here? Funny jokes, rants, social happenings, and of course horrible takes. 

I have yet again found myself spiraling over a post. It started with one user's post on how they have finally gotten better in terms of their mental health. This was quote tweeted by another user, who stated that their post was offensive due to the “poor” timing of the tweet since the war between Russia and Ukraine was happening simultaneously. This created a public discourse whether the initial tweet was distasteful or not.  

Reading the comments on these posts has exposed me to one dubious take after another. Some replies might have been satirical, but since when did having stable mental health make you lose empathy? Stable mental health simply means that you can handle your well-being better, but it doesn't prevent you from showing concern for others. Thankfully, most people share the same sentiment as me. I'm not sure why this argument was brought up in the first place. And why do I still keep engaging with it despite its obviously dumb take?

At this moment, you may begin to notice a pattern of deliberately consuming negative posts and aimlessly migrating from one social media platform to another. It all starts when the mind goes into autopilot mode, making you scroll out of habit, triggered by negativity bias, making you notice a baffling post more than a positive one, diving deeper into the said post, facing the possibility of disregarding or ignoring relevant information that does not back up how you feel, feeling frustrated afterwards, going through another social media app in the hopes of lifting your mood up, thus starting the vicious cycle once again.

This phenomenon, referred to as "doomsurfing," but more commonly known as "doomscrolling," has arisen during the pandemic as more and more people have been experiencing the compulsive urge to endlessly scroll through their social media feeds and heavily focus on the upsetting or generally negative information. This can be caused by FOMO (fear of missing out), negativity bias, uncertainty, and a lack of self-control.

“Doomscrolling occurs when you realize you’ve landed on a story and have no idea how you got there. You can’t remember why you even got on your phone in the first place, but now you’re reading hundreds of comments or retweets of someone you don’t even follow,” is how Tess Brigman, a psychotherapist and coach, describe this phenomenon, which perfectly encapsulates the authentic experience and meaning of doomscrolling.

Due to the discrepancy that doomscrolling brings, it can definitely have its effects, such as apprehension, fear, and distress, which lead to burnout and damage the general mood and well-being of a person. Taking it to the extreme takes a toll on mental health, which triggers anxiety and depression, which in turn affects sleep, appetite, and motivation and disrupts work, time with family and friends, and lastly, passion.

Holding social media companies responsible is a way of calling out action to doomscrolling, one article suggests, as their business model is an algorithm designed to catch the attention of users, thus increasing engagement. This means that the more you click on dumb or concerning posts, the more likely it is that you’ll receive the same kind of content the next time you visit the app. Legal monitoring and regulation of social media businesses may improve platform accountability, boost the transparency of their algorithmic processes, and enable users to reject personalization and profiling.

With all this, the most effective way to cut back on doomscrolling is to improve oneself. You can start by setting a time limit for yourself to monitor and minimize the hours of your screen time. You can do this by setting it up yourself, or for those with a lack of self-control, download apps that do similar functions. Unfollowing accounts that cause stress will help you declutter your feed from negativity. Setting the phone to send fewer notifications might also lessen the constant need to check our phones. If online, actively seek positive stories to balance out the negative ones. Ultimately, the most effective way to stray away from doomscrolling is to have leisure activities outside of social media, such as exercising, hanging out with friends and family, and doing what you're passionate about. Feeling overwhelmed by everything on the internet? Remember to refocus on the present moment.

Speaking of the present moment, my alarm just went off for 6 a.m. in the morning, one hour before my class. I didn’t sleep a wink last night; I have fallen down the rabbit hole of doomscrolling once again. Give it up to the author who can’t apply what she writes! She was blinded by the ray of sunlight as she opened the curtains, but she couldn't be blinded by the phone screen brightness that was on her face the entire time. This is the reality we both share, you and I. We’ve scrolled the internet up to the brink of oblivion; are you going to let it doom us all?

#academic writing

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 278

Twigs & Twine & Tasha Banes

Hahahahahaaaaaaa I was supposed to reconfigure the schedule todayyyyy. Guess what my sick ass did? Did you guess nap for several hours? And then scroll through tiktok for too long? (I do not need to be productive when I’m not feeling well and especially when I already have the time off) Maybe tomorrow you’ll get two episodes out of me

“Twigs & Twine & Tasha Banes”

Plot Description: the Winchesters help twin-sibling hunters look for their mother, who went missing while hunting a witch. Mary grows suspicious of the Men of Letters

I can’t believe the preview started with “dad’s on a hunting trip and I haven’t heard from him in a couple days” that’s season one episode one

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: I think what keeps me safest here is not breaking and entering. But I am sad to see this character we’ve had for only a few minutes die…this might be the first time

Whether or not that was fully Castiel that said he has faith in Lucifer’s kid, I love how certain Dean is that it wasn’t him

Oh man. I can’t believe Sam hit him with “their mom’s on a hunting trip and hasn’t been home in a week”

I’m so glad this season is almost over…I’m hedging my bet we basically don’t see the BMoL after this

Interesting that Sam won’t divulge that Mary was brought back by god’s sister to this other hunter whose mom is a witch

See, that guy coming out of the cellar is TOO sus

Wait wait wait, I distinctly recall seeing Tasha get stabbed through the gut. How is she back???

I’m actually more suspicious of the friendly front desk worker…just as part of the genre. The unfriendly older lady who pre-accused Tasha of wanting to steal her ring is also a tad too obvious, but she’s not off the list

Oh. I don’t like that her joints will just DO that.

Ketch keeping up the charade that Mick is still alive is certainly a choice, but I do like Mary standing her ground that she and Ketch only fuck that one time (I hope that lasts)

Ugh, I hate when I’m on the computer and someone decides they’re just gonna linger behind me. Like….can I do anything in peace??

Oh. Maybe I shouldn’t have overlooked the unfriendly older lady…maybe it’s everyone at this place that’s creepy

Istg if we see Tasha’s corpse in this cellar….

I’m not saying Tasha’s a perfect parent but why couldn’t the boys have had someone more like her growing up?

Ok ok ok ok I was not wrong…sort of. I don’t know what’s going on but I knew something was up with the front desk guy and it turns out he is also a victim of unfriendly older lady

Oh, Max. I wish you hadn’t come down here…I mean, you were gonna find out sooner or later but idk that you needed to see what happened to your mom NOW

I hate the dossiers they have on all the hunters

Yeah, they’re never gonna fuck again. Good. You really think she’s gonna play nice and fall in line while you are an active threat to her sons????

YESSSSS MARYYYYYYYYYY PUNCH HIM IN THE JUNK WITH BRASS KNUCKLES!!!! AND THE FACE

Fuck Ketch. I hate that he hit her with the taser

You didn’t actually give her a deal, you just stabbed her through the gut, ripped out her heart

I was about to say that this lady feels a lot like Hama from a:tla but Hama was way more justified. This lady just sucks

Oh, Max. I will understand if you take the deal, but I really hope you don’t.

Nooooooo, not Alicia!!!

Max, don’t do it. Thank god Dean shot the older lady witch

Poor Max. Lost his mom twice in one day and then also his twin sister. He’s all alone now 🥺 I want to think he’ll do the right thing but he’s in so much pain…

Oh god, Max, baby, what are you doing?? Yeah, he wasn’t gonna NOT resurrect his sister

Ah FUCK. The lady from the beginning of the season is back? The one who tortured Sam is now here to interrogate Mary?

#hellsite nostalgia tour 2023

[bbangsoonie]

just u

member: sunwoo genre: fluff word count: 1,903 synopsis: sunwoo thinks you’re a flirty drunk but doesn’t notice you only flirt with him.

a/n: oc’s facial flush after drinking alcohol is mentioned once in the fic

Eric: giant sleepover at hyunjae’s tonight

Hyunjae: this is news to me ??

Eric: be prepared to pull an all-nighter because we are doing everything from watching movies to playing games to ✨drinking✨

Sangyeon: his house is also my house ???

Eric: y/n, can you pick up some snacks and drinks with sunwoo?

You: sure

Sunwoo: this is news to me as well ?

Eric: see you all at 6! i know no one has classes today and tomorrow’s saturday so i expect full attendance :)

Juyeon: again, our house is not just solely hyunjae’s ???? younghoon and i live here as well ;-;

Eric’s impromptu gathering was in no way organized but he knew everyone would go along with it. Your group of friends consisted of the most spontaneous people you’ve ever met. They were always down for anything, anytime.

That was how you ended up going grocery shopping with Sunwoo and Haknyeon after you stopped by campus for your professor’s office hours. You ran into Haknyeon there who wanted to tag along to make sure you bought his favorite snacks.

“Any requests for chasers?” you called out to the boys who were an aisle away. You scanned the shelves of sodas in front of you, trying to recall who liked what drinks.

“Chasers are for babies,” Haknyeon scoffed as he made his way over to you.

“I’m baby,” you proudly pointed at yourself.

“Are you referring to the Kirby meme right now?” he blinked. When you nodded, he pretended to gag, making you slap his back.

“Do you guys think this is enough alcohol?” Sunwoo arrived with a cart full of bottles. You almost laughed at the amount of cases. Anyone passing by would think you were shopping wholesale. Which honestly didn’t sound like a bad idea for a group of 12.

“Should be,” Haknyeon shrugged, taking over the cart. “Now time for the good stuff!”

You and Sunwoo watched as he threw in bags of chips and jelly into the cart. You only picked out one or two for yourself since Haknyeon was essentially just getting everything. There was a wide variety for you to choose from anyway. Sunwoo had to physically stop him from adding more stuff, insisting that there’d be dinner as well.

With Hyunjae in charge of ordering food, it was no surprise that you walked into his house smelling like chicken. Eric greeted you from the kitchen and you hollered out a “hey” before joining Changmin and Chanhee in the living room. They were in the middle of an intense round of Super Smash Bros and by the looks of it, Changmin was winning. When the game finally ended, Changmin shrieked with laughter while Chanhee dejectedly collapsed onto the sofa.

Jacob and Kevin walked in not long after, exchanging greetings with everyone else. Sangyeon, Juyeon, and Younghoon emerged from the staircase after finishing their assignments upstairs in their own respective rooms. With the whole group together, Eric gathered you all in front of the TV to have a Super Smash Bros tournament.

“Only people who suck at playing games pick Kirby,” he yelled as you picked up a controller.

“I do admit I suck at games and love Kirby,” you stuck your tongue out as you chose your character, making Chanhee groan.

“All you do is spam down b!” Kevin whined.

“Well no one wants to teach me other moves or how to play other characters,” you shrugged.

“I tried,” Hyunjae sighed. “You’re an impossible student.”

“That’s because everyone kills me off while I try to learn!” you huffed.

To your amusement, you won the game by avoiding everyone in the air while they battled amongst themselves. Then you constantly attacked Younghoon with the same move until he eventually died. He screamed in frustration when your victory flashed across the screen.

Unfortunately for you, everyone decided to target you in the beginning for the next round. After easily finishing you off, they enjoyed what they called a “true fight” that Eric ultimately won.

The long night officially began with the mountain of boxes of chicken in the kitchen. It was easily demolished before Changmin won rock, paper, scissors to put a horror movie on. Before the film was even chosen, Sunwoo was complaining about how he hated jump scares.

“Bro just say you’re afraid and move on,” Eric snickered.

“I’m not scared! I just don’t like being surprised,” Sunwoo insisted.

“Pft, if you’re a true man you can watch it,” Chanhee teased, unaware of his embarrassment to come.

The next couple of hours was chaotic. Chanhee screamed at every noise, making everyone else scream as well. Haknyeon and Sunwoo ended up watching the movie with their ears closed and Jacob gave up entirely by trying to nap instead. You had the unfortunate seat next to Younghoon and became his ragdoll that he clung onto and shook every time he got frightened. You didn’t even get to react to the movie because he kept screaming and grabbing onto you.

Eric and his mischievous instincts spent the whole time trying to startle Juyeon who ended up chasing him around until he promised to stop. Changmin, Sangyeon, Hyunjae, and Kevin were the only ones who truly enjoyed the movie.

When the lights came back on, Chanhee and Sunwoo pretended that it wasn’t scary at all. Hyunjae laughed, reminding them of their reactions to which they feigned oblivion to.

“I need a drink,” you groaned. “Younghoon stressed me out more than the ghost did.”

“Everyone go slow and steady,” Eric warned. “I want to be playing until the sun comes up.”

“My body is too old for this,” Sangyeon mumbled as he began taking the alcohol out of the fridge.

“Hey, Y/n, can you pass me a bottle?” Sunwoo asked. You felt your heart skip a beat when his fingers brushed past yours to take the drink from your hands. The exchange made you blush and you quickly took a shot to mask your tinted cheeks with the flush of the liquor.

Spending the night with your friends meant that you would be spending it trying hard to not fall in love with your budding crush. You tried your best to keep a safe distance from him, relying on Chanhee to be your trusty barrier.

After a series of drinking games (that mostly resulted in your loss), you were beginning to feel the effects. With Chanhee and Haknyeon by your side, you were slightly swinging in your seat. You were all sitting on the floor in the spacious living room to start whatever game Hyunjae had suggested. His words had gone in and out of your ears while you were finishing your last punishment drink.

“So basically one person will ask another person a question and that person will say their answer out loud. The answer has to be the name of someone in this room. Those who are curious about the question will drink to hear it,” Hyunjae explained.

“Can I go first?” Kevin excitedly asked. With the majority agreeing, he happily went up to Jacob to whisper in his ear.

After hearing his question, Jacob thought for a second before saying your name. The boys teasingly “ooh”ed, making you roll your eyes. Sunwoo, Eric, and Changmin were the only ones curious enough to drink for the answer.

“Aw, Y/n, you don’t wanna know why he picked you?” Kevin pouted.

“By the look on your face, I think I get the gist,” you chuckled. “Any questions involving girls only leaves me as an option. And to be brutally honest, I don’t really care what he thinks of me.”

Jacob, faking pain, clutched his heart.

“Ouch,” he joked.

Jacob asked his question to Younghoon, who answered with your name again. This time, you were slightly intrigued.

“Me again for the second time in a row? Now I’m kinda curious,” you pretended to think hard.

Eric drank again and eagerly asked for Jacob’s question. Trying to elicit a response from you, he acted shocked and grabbed Younghoon by the collar. Laughing, you gave in and drank to hear the question.

“He thinks you’re gonna be the first to get cuffed,” Jacob whispered to you.

“Ah, unfortunately no,” you shook your head at Younghoon, sitting back down.

This time, Younghoon asked you a question. He asked who you would date if you had to choose from the friend group.

“Sunwoo,” you said almost immediately. His jaw dropped at how fast you made your decision and he gave you a smug look.

Again, Eric couldn’t hide his curiosity. His reaction made the rest of them interested and everyone ended up drinking to find out what Younghoon had asked you. Hyunjae hooted but the alcohol in your system left you unphased by all their teasing.

After their excitement died down, the game continued until each person had a turn. It ended with Eric drunk crying thanks to Juyeon picking him as his most cherished friend. Seeing him cry made Sunwoo cry as well and Changmin was having a blast laughing at them both.

Not wanting Sunwoo to also turn into a crying drunk, Sangyeon took his cup away from him. He reminded him to keep his pace, prompting him to sulk. As soon as Sangyeon looked away, however, Sunwoo stole it back and downed the rest of his drink.

“Sunwoo, no,” Sangyeon groaned.

“Sunwoo yes!” Sunwoo exclaimed with glee.

The group then split off into subgroups to take a break from drinking. You, Younghoon, Juyeon, Changmin, Sunwoo, and Eric propped a phone up to make TikToks together. Meanwhile, the rest of the boys were just chilling on the couch, laughing as they watched you embarrass yourselves.

Subconsciously, you ended up with your arm wrapped around Sunwoo’s neck for most of the stupid 15 second video. You honestly weren’t sure what you were filming or why you were so close to your crush but you were having too much fun to care.

Chanhee, on the other hand, definitely noticed. He smirked as you rested your head on Sunwoo’s lap and Sunwoo’s face reddened. He nudged Jacob to point it out and made fun of how oblivious you two were.

Before reconvening, you stepped outside to get some fresh air. When you didn’t return after 10 minutes, Sunwoo was sent to retrieve you. You lit up seeing him join you on the veranda and beckoned for him to sit down next to you.

“It’s cold out here,” he said. “Let’s go back in.”

“So then you should hold my hand to keep me warm,” you giggled, holding out your hand.

“You’re drunk,” he commented as he raised an eyebrow.

“Drunk on you,” you winked, making him shyly look away. He cleared his throat to rid himself of the awkward tension between you.

“You know, you’re a flirty drunk,” he mused.

“Only to you,” you shrugged. “Haven’t you ever heard of drunk actions reflecting sober thoughts?”

Taken aback, he stared at you in silence. You pouted at his lack of response and got up to go back inside. Before you could open the door, he finally spoke up.

“I’ll think about it if your sober actions reflect your drunk thoughts,” he said.

“Really?” you beamed.

“As long as your drunk self is only flirty with me,” he teased.

“Oh please, have you ever seen me like this with the other guys?” you laughed. “I only like you. Just you.”

#the boyz #sunwoo #the boyz sunwoo #the boyz fluff #sunwoo fluff #the boyz sunwoo fluff #tbz fluff #tbz sunwoo #the boyz fic #the boyz scenarios #the boyz imagines #sunwoo fic #sunwoo scenarios #sunwoo imagines #tbz fic #tbz scenarios #tbz imagines

[thekatebridgerton]

you cant possibly be this adamant about the books when the bee scene forced them into marriage … a brown girl … being forced into marriage … all the harmful stereotypes that would convey, surely you can see that. the show adapted kate and her trauma to fit her character as an indian immigrant and they did well because a lot of brown women on tiktok can relate as a result. for book readers to blindly insist it wasn’t kate comes off very tone deaf

You know anon, I’ve delayed in answering this because there’s no way to say what I want to say without at least partially sounding impolite. So dear readers, if you’re still interested in my answer, read it under the cut. If not, feel free to skip this post. Because I’m about to get blunt

Look anon, it’s a tough notion to live with, but perpetuating harmful stereotypes is sort of what media does. Regardless of race, gender, age, sexual orientation, social class or cultural background. Media always perpetuates something that’s either wrong, or harmful, or simply not conductive to the overall happiness of an individual if it happened in real life. It’s why we learn how to differentiate fact from fiction from an early age,  and why millions of people watch Hannibal for fun without any intentions of becoming cannibals themselves.

The genre of ‘fiction’ has existed since time began. And so has the need to differentiate said genre from reality. Questions like yours baffle me on daily basis because to my understanding, viewers, especially international viewers, who have been exposed to fiction in media their whole lives, are capable of rational thinking and enjoying content for fun without condoning or replicating whatever messages they don’t agree with. (Or agreeing with the people who work/ produce those pieces of media)

And a statement like yours carries the implication that the bee scene should have been cut because the Bridgerton viewers don’t have the rational capacity to determine that a brown girl being forced into marriage because of a bee sting is a terrible thing. So it falls to the author and the producer of a show to tell them so. 

Last season a black man did end up forced into a marriage, and as much as I wish that had opened debate over the way men are viewed as a commodity in female oriented media. That didn’t happen. Wasn’t that perpetuating a harmful stereotype in and on itself? because I don’t see a lot of people protesting that little ‘pistols at dawn mate’ moment in s1.

I agree that no brown girl should be forced into marriage because of a bee, it is a harmful stereotype. In the books at least it is understood that Anthony just needed a convenient excuse to propose to Kate and was this close to losing control of himself anyway. The book rightfully points out that they could have shut Lady Featherington up and say whatever to the consequences. If Violet could threaten Araminta to dear life in AOFAG I know she could have done worse to Portia to keep her quiet. If the bee scene had been kept, with the whole forced marriage thing included, the sheer ridiculosity of the affair would have made the viewer understand WHY the situation was unrealistic and wrong.

Rather than that, we got to see an innocent brown girl being tricked into marriage under false pretenses while her sister and all her family members watched on. In front of all the nobles in the country. I don’t know about you, but I would have preferred the unrealistic and ridiculous ‘forced to get married because Kate was stung by a bee’ plotline than what we saw happen with Edwina. But you’re right, at least the brown girl in question had some sort of choice in the matter right. In the end, because they didn’t get married.

Also, please excuse me, HOW was Kate’s trauma adapted to fit with that of an Indian immigrant. Because all I saw was the storyline sugar coating and almost condemning what it’s like to move countries and want a better life for your family while also suffering from culture shock and displacement trauma. All things which DID NOT get explored in the show. And if they had wanted to do that then they should have done it right.

You know what the book is that the show isn’t? FUNNY. The whole book is funny! Not just dramatic, not just angsty, its funny!. From Colin introducing Kate to Anthony after she’s roasted him five minutes earlier, to the ridiculosity of a man trying to suck bee venom out of the chest of the girl he’s been lusting after.

People have pointed out that the ‘ forced into marriage’ thing wasn’t cut because Kate was a brown girl, it was probably cut because it would have been a repeat of s1 plot. And Netflix wanted to change that. I’m inclined to agree. Since I personally, think that big media corporations like Netflix have cero morality and only care about profits and what drives viewership up. And I’m pretty sure ‘not perpetuating harmful stereotypes’ falls very low on the scale of reasons why they changed the s2 storyline. 

Also, stop dismissing book readers, come on, the bee scene was supposed to be funny. When we read it, in the books, it is. Sure it is dramatic and a little angsty what with Anthony suffering from a pstd attack. But it’s funny.

S2 was anything but funny. Which is a shame, since the Kanthony story is supposed to be the most humorous out of all the Bridgerton books.

And also, If you’re worried about harmful stereotypes so bad, I’d kindly suggest skipping Benedict’s season, because Sophie has the most tragic backstory in the Bridgerton cannon. And Benedict’s season is the one you need to watch out for when it comes to trigger warnings. Just a tip for the future.

And that’s my personal opinion.

#personal opinion #bridgerton #this got long #read if you want

[lnevada]

Bilsky Billions: Too many jokes to react to.

The whole episode was a setup for a ‘watch ya mouth’ board game/mouth piece joke? That tracks.

Also, not to overhype it, but S2E13 may actually be my favorite episode of Danger Force?!?!

I love Mika’s hair with the dyed braids. I want to dye my hair so bad!!

I know I’m older/in a different generation than the DF kids because Ray’s mustache looks amazing & I’m not bothered by the teeth either? (They’re straight & clean/cost $$$$?!) On my second watch, the teeth look even more natural & this is just Ray to me now (but I know prosthetics are difficult to talk through, Cooper did great, & they’ll be gone next episode). I also get the kids needed something new to rip on, especially Chapa and I loved all her puns!!

Why are all the kids so fashionable? We know Chapa is a gender envy inducing style icon, but wasn’t Miles also super into fashion/pants in the Manlee Man episode? But facts, the yoga pants are lit.

Sidebar: are there really so many characters that the writers feel a need to write out kids from week to week to give Ray & Schwoz or guest/secondary characters more lines & screen time? Because Bose was “out of town” (offscreen) in S2E12. Now Miles is “out of town” (although I liked his mini scene giving an interview which is more than Bose got) in S2E13? Is it conflicts with the actors’ schedules or are the girls going to take turns being gone, too? Schwoz has been super prominent/getting bigger roles with the plots the last 2-3 episodes, but in this episodes his lines were pinned down to the first scene he appeared in & then he only made appearances in the no-speaking montage. Interesting how the roles are divided up.

Mistakes: 1. Miles complained about yo-yo yoga bit, but is going to an ENTIRE retreat based on the activity? For the fashion? 2. The clones plot was in S2E10, so the joke doesn’t make mathematical sense (they fought clones 3 weeks ago). 3. Jeff ripped his pants. Not his underwear. What are they acting like he’s nude for? What’s ‘disturbing’, black boxers that look like more pants? Whatever. Nice gag for the blurring effect though. 4. No one says ‘Jeff!’ the entire episode!! The tradition has been broken, unbelievable!

Ray looked to his best friend (besides Henry/most present bff at this time) for validation on his change in look/style and Schwoz completely dismissed him! I’m so disappointed in Schwoz & sad for Ray!! Especially after the whole ‘material girl’ (tiktok joke) plot line in S2E12.

Compliment to Schwoz: I love his first fit/costume of the episode? I think it’s because he’s usually in the jumpsuits/mechanic suits/lab coats and his chains pair so well in ‘everyday clothes’.

I can’t believe Ray has a ‘savings account’ because I thought Captain Man had an unlimited money stream from the Vice Mayor.

I think the ‘kids these days’ jokes are the DF equivalent to HD’s ‘hmm’ & similar repeating jokes.

‘Oh look, a distraction!’ We love meta jokes.

Awwww, Ray’s favorite thing to do is eat, and the teeth probably hurt if they’re new/not glued/grills. So sad!!

I love the Bliskys & Tiny Ray! And Officer Walnut is so funny (I miss her partner from HD. The actors have great voices/cadences for the characters, & paired well in scenes due to shared chemistry.)

The reason I’m so obsessed with HD/DF is because Ray is, in actually, a vigilante and my IRL favorite genre is gangster/crime syndicate films/shows. The legal jargon, especially coming from super young kids, is so smooth/cute & refreshing to see since the writers usually bypass legalities for the sake of time/comedy in this ‘kids show’. Plus, the kids being so crime/prison reform positive is so progressive/modern and adult/mature for these child actors to be tackling. It’s wonderful!!

I’m making a formal declaration: Ms. Shappen is an asexual icon (with an aesthetic attraction only to men she’s shown interest in, mainly CM/Ray). Her #1 priority in life is money. Her #2 is her cat(s). As soon as her job/money is called into question, she forgets about any man she has a fleeting aesthetic attraction to & becomes all about business. Plus, as soon as Ray’s aesthetic attraction was altered/faded, she lost all interest in him. Also, she is literally me saying ‘a wealthy husband with a week to live’, ICONIC!

That cold open has to be the longest ever (& they’re getting longer)! I don’t mind, I felt this episode was super long/jammed packed, but it was super relevant/informed. (*Whispers: make the episodes longer.)

We’ve met momma Bilsky, & she would kick her kids out of homeschool. But the fact the brothers used their full names when addressing each other over a serious matter in a serious tone is my favorite Bilsky lore/update, omgz, adorable!!

Mitch was made so sympathetic (until he ran off with his inheritance & became a crummy capitalist/top 0.01%). I was rooting for him. And the montages are always good/cute. Great direction/mashup of talents/specialities (plus, the Tr*mp reference. Dang, this show is so political, I’m here for it!!!)

Is that actually Mitch’s actor singing? Because dang! Nice!

Planet/body part humor. Back to a kid’s show.

Ray standing up for civilian rights & using his privilege for good (on his property) against a cop (who is barging in without a warrant/probable cause - since Mitch had eye witness alibis) is so (sexy) commendable. But then he had to ruin it by making it about him/his finances (but also the writers had to defuse the tension of the previous line to keep it child friendly/comprehensible, so I get it).

I got sooooooo excited when I thought Chapa was standing up for Mitch & telling him to run from the law while the group covered for him. But……then another diffuser line, making a joke about Ray. Oh well.

I want to feed Ray……..(someone should call him ‘good boy’ every once in a while).

I love/hate the whole ‘using Ray’s body to get attention/a favor from someone thing’ (& leading Shappen on in that way). Obviously, it’s hilarious and I adore Ray in wifebeaters. But it makes Shappen look desperate/creepy & Ray look loose. But I’m also proud of Cooper for using his seniority & not fully stripping. He shouldn’t have to/be expected to.

Sailor. Cackling!

Those toe nails track.

Chapa would be into competitive arm wresting.

Poor Bilskys and their ‘curse’.

Yay! Mitch won!!! He graduated & changed his fate. His character arc is complete! Actually so satisfying to see.

Mika being a ‘mom friend’ to Ray is my favorite thing. Her main through line/character arc needs to be becoming the mom friend to everyone. She already is to Bose.

#danger force #henry danger #ray manchester #captain man #I love my boy #fangirl #df spoilers #new episode #reaction #queer headcanons #queer characters #danger force hc #ask me about my fandoms #theories #nevada reacts

[misterbitches]

hi @yeedak thank you so m uch for replying with what you did. YAY ADHD!!!!! ur partner sounds like she rocks >:)  as do u

i found it really illuminating and i agree with all of it. and god as much as i understand reticence when black people are interracially dating (it is so hard) i also hate it when people dictate it and also to a degree that it makes it extremely uncomfortable for the person themselves. to me it really is about a sense of control particularly if you are a woman. constantly trying to pick someone’s life partner for them instead of letting them find out if it’s a) something they want or even want to do b) something they can handle and c) their experience. it can purely cultural as well. my mom is a black american but my father is nigerian and that was basically a sin. however my father’s siblings? the women who had to marry extremely quickly and had to be with nigerian men or at the very least african? divorced. because they had to clamor for love for approval, pop out babies, and look what that got them. i totally understand you and  your mother. and you’re right about all of it.

the idea of a man whore is so funny to me too because it’s not about sexual liberation it’s literally about them wanting to use people as disposable which is why sexual liberation for women as well can be confusing. but all of this isn’t so we can develop our own imaginations and find out our own inhibitions. like you said in all of it and i found this part very very interesting and true, “youth is for sex and no mention of asexuality.” when you get older you are not sexual, when you are a child you are unsure about it, but there’s a time in our lives where we shouldn’t waste it, where it’s only acceptable in that window, where it’s dictated. tangentially i think it’s very funny that the people we sleep with also become a point of pride. let’s say if he is a man (as a bisexual~**~ gorl) but he’s ugly, i should be ashamed, too?

so much boxing in and pushing and dictating. they really are here to spread a message. and i know things ar ehard. i can believe people ask you that but it’s still so.....weird? i remember saying something about my sexuality once and it’s not like i knew the people but then they started asking me questions and i honestly felt embarrassed and like an outsider. i dunno.

and your analogy of a mirror was perfect woaaaaaaah that’s what im gonna say now thank you so much credit to you. gENIUS!!! as real life changes, what we see changes. but media doesnt come first.

also totally agree about watching what people consume and not falling into those patterns. and when “bad” things are shown i do not understand why shows are so scared to show them as they are or not romanticize. a real issue to introduce when it comes to age gaps would be why it is frequent in the lgbtq+ community. that is a real thing because when you have to hide yourself of course you can be stuck in a state of arrested development and trying to re-establish times you may never have. that’s a geniuine fear and concern, it’s understandable even if i don’t particularly care for it, but it’s like for these writeres there’s no reason to look deeply or put that into their story. so why are they doing it? and what is the message here? uGH. and what ur mother said makes so much sense we are just constantly absorbing all these messages and culture absolutely aids to it and you’re right about the generations. and sometimes things stop and start but i genuinely think (and know) that for us to continue forward and not have the constant backwards taht means we have to push to get there and demand and that also means we have to make an effort to end the harm we then see on screen. rape culture dictates these shows. it relies on it. it is disgusting but rape culture is the norm, the norm is the oppression so we have to attack it otherwise it sticks and htat’s exactly why we see what we see.

and the unacceptability of gender fluidity is what keeps the genre SO INFLEXIBLE sincerely. it honestly just pulls so heavily from patriarchy and the roles in which we have to follow to uphold that structure. 

it’s really just not enough to show us things any more wihtout taking it into consideration. and like ive mentioned there’s soooooooooo much media that has a lot to say that embeds itself. there’s this thing my friend linked me to on re-examining queerness in korean cinema (much like my dad’s country; patriarchal, more “conservative, anti lgbtq+, reliant on capital. africa is different because of the blackness component but the structures aided by colonialism absolutely remain and continue and that’s how we see such similarities. thse countries are more “overt” in this output but still you know. america. sucks) because we are trying to re-evaluate what it means to be heard and seen. the different ways and sort of the message that a lot of us as lgbtq+ can feel. you know, how we can get a feeling on if a person has our same experience, how we kind of have to learn to identify that. not sure if this makes sense...

your mom sounds really cool. and i’m fucking sorry. so many men do that. i live with both my parents but even then i see this power imbalance i can’t stand and you know i would have believed it was normal if i wasnt able to learn aand had to build up thinking skills. there was one day that it hit me that there are parts of my parents relationship i abhor, that are imbalanced, that make me find my father disgusting and make me ashamed of my mother. i don’t want that to happen to me or my potential children. if i have a male partner for life, which i am sure i will because offffffff heteronormativity and homophobia and being half black american half nigerian, he cannot recreate that. i am optimistic on what people can do without needing such grand structures or the support of the elite etc you know? that’s how we know there’s good work that exists and people we can find that arent with the status quou!!! 

and who want a better world. we have to know we can rally that together. i think part of that is constant demanding of things to do better. there’s a rage against the machine song called settle for nothing and it’s about 0 compromise. there’s a famous quote i dont remember by who that’s basically like there’s an idea that there’s a limit to asking for dignity and what you deserve because when people realize they can live better lives they want to cultivate that more and more but that means a loss of control and a sharing of power from the top. nothing is ever enough if it can be better and we are allowed to demand it (or take it.) we deserve the world, we are being told that we’re asking fo rtoo much. are we? really? 

i was thinking about the children thing as well bc...lmao i was so tightly contorlled as a child and it really messed me up but at the same time, like you, i honestly do not want my children watching drivel. like even with youtube. a friend of mine said that what she thinks she will do is try and hammer home how fantastical these things are, they do not reflect reality, and to get them to understand the spectacle. at the same time i’m like does a child really need to watch these dumb tiktok stars or jake paul? but then im like i really dont want to control them. but like what if ur kid asks u to go to some like fucking BL concert or some shit like what do you say to that?!??! I DONT WANNA SAY NO BUT AT THE SAME TIME UHHHHlmao but at the same time we have to give them tools to analyze and do the right things and follow their hearts

however,

as you know

LOL

tysm for responding, lovely talking to you and hearing your thoughts!!!

oh btw so u r from kashmar? that is very cool......VERY COOL

[moons-and-stars-and-shit]

Hello! I wanna try your theme because it's very interesting 😁 So can I have a cake please?

I'm 5'4, chubby, medium-long black hair, fair skin, and dark brown eyes. I'm introvert and bi (who has a mommy and daddy issues)

My personality is kind, caring, shy (but a lot of people saying that I am very confident when it comes to presentations and speeches), mother-attitude, and grumpy (I kinda realized that I'm always grumpy because sometimes they are getting on my nerves)

I love anime, kdramas, listening to music (like Kpop, pop, or some relaxing music like piano), food (because ✨Food is life✨), dancing, reading, and sleeping

I have disorders like anxiety and insomnia. I also have trust issues because I don't think they will understand of what I am saying or what I feel (I maybe happy on the outside but I'm in pain in the i side) and if I do, they will laugh at me or they are not interested so I decided to keep that inside of me as a secret.

That is all and feel free to ignore or delete. Thank you! ☺️

🍰 for @minsaredeleche

Romantic Matchup

Asahi Azumane 🌻

* Jesus Christ literally he loves you so much!

* He loves how kind and caring you are

* It makes him feel so comfortable around you

* Tries all of your hobbies

* Right now he can play easy versions of classical pieces

* And he’s been secretly learning how to play A Thousand Years so he can play it for you ❤️

* You’ve tried to teach him how to dance but mans has no rhythm 😞

* That’s ok though! He enjoys watching you get into your element with dance

* Loves to just put on music and read with you

* The only time you’ve seen him get hyped up outside of his games is when your watching any show with him

* Like he GETS INTO IT

* “Why would they do that the them”

* “OMG DO NOT GO IN THERE”

* “Asahi are you crying?”

* “The dog just died :( how are you not crying?”

* I feel like he also has anxiety so he understands you in that aspect

* If your ever having an anxiety attack he knows what to do and will help you through it

* And vice versa too!

* If you ever notice him start to panic and/or beat himself up you try your best to calm him down

* He understands that you had trust issues but really wishes you would just open up to him more

* The one fight you two had was about that

* He felt really bad afterwards and apologized to you

* You told him it’s ok and that trust builds with time

* Which it did!

* After a while of dating he realized that you talk to him about things you would NEVER talk to anyone else about

* Ok but why does your insomnia just like disappear when you sleep with him-

* Like insomnia? What’s that never heard of her

* You’ve just chalked it up as he makes you feel safe enough to sleep soundly

* Or maybe he is Jesus after all

* 10/10 Great Relationship

Friendship Matchup

Sugawara Kōshi

* The moms

* But like wine moms iykyk

* If things start to get a little to crazy with the team you two whip them back into shape

* Negativity is not tolerated in the Karasano household 😐✋

* Oh but don’t get it twisted you two have your own chaotic moments as well

* Let’s just say if someone pisses one of you off they better start praying

* You guys will DESTROY them

* And that even goes if people mess with your friends >:(

* You two are the protectors of the team and there’s no denying that

* He totally respects your trust issues!

* But he does want you to know that he will never judge you for ANYTHING

* and he gets so happy when you eventually talk to him more!

* He takes pride in the fact that you view him as someone you can trust

* Another one who helps you through any type of anxiety

* He might nit be as good as Asahi but he tries his best

* Suga specializes in one genre of dance and that genre is...

* TikTok dances 🧍🏽‍♀️

* But seriously tho you e seen him memorize a dance in 5 minutes flat

* I’m convinced he has like 5 videos that went viral of him dancing

* One of those dances may or may not have been the WAP 👀

* Overall a great friend to have

* We love this boy

#haikyuu!! #haikyu x reader #haikyuu fandom #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x y/n #asahi x reader #asahi #asahi x y/n #azumane asahi #asahi headcanons #asahi hcs #sugawara koushi #sugawara x reader #sugawara x y/n #suga hcs #sugawara headcanon #sugawara hcs #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu matchups

[fencesandfrogs]

sea shanties, work songs, tiktok

so apparently tiktok and sea shanties (technically they’re usually sea folk songs, based on the ones i’ve heard, which is not many) are having a moment and as someone who’s always been a fan of work songs, esp. sea shanties, i just wanted to take a moment to talk/think about them.

[this is abt 1.4k words with a lot of music, incl. 4 embeded videos. i included this break because scrolling past long posts is annoying but like. there’s some good music to listen to in here even if u don’t want to read the whole thing.]

call & response is a pretty common musical idea. i’m not sure at all, but i’d wager a good deal that it’s probably some of the oldest stuff we have. but, like, if you’ve ever sung anything in a group, it’s there. the classic call and response is shorter, but i just want to also say a lot of music can be thought of as call and response, like verses/choruses, etc.

i think it just speaks to a human desire to participate in music. many people know what i’m talking about here (maybe most? i come from a musical family so i don’t have a good breadth of experience but i’ve met very few people who don’t jive to music), and so we make this little welcoming come sing with me environment.

anyway, so work songs are a type of music meant to coordinate labor. a lot of work songs are formed by slaves, because for a work song to be helpful, you need to be doing work that requires coordination.

sea shanties are a specific type of work song that use the general structure of the american slave work song combine with irish, scottish, and english folk music.

folk music as a whole is a wider genre that overlaps a lot with work songs, especially as you start to turn to industrial work songs and cowboy work songs and the like which have a less specific rhythm than sea shanties specifically.

musical edification complete, i’m going to focus on sea shanties and industrial work songs b/c that’s what i listen to the most.

so call and response. sea shanties usually have a soloist part that’s a bit more musically complex, and the response is “simpler”. i’m not here to talk abt music theory or why they developed like that, but you know when you’re bad at singing, having a simple part to join in with is positive. hits the warm gooey spot of participating in group music. here’s a recording of blow the man down which i think demonstrates this quality really well:

(it’s a pretty popular shanty which is why i picked it. the “truth”of my argument is not at all universal, and it’s not just about speed, but also the rhythm, melody, etc.)

anyway there’s a lot of shanties and what typically comes to mind is drunken sailor which i know “all” the words to (as much as anyone can) but you’ll see theré’s no call and response

what do you do with a drunken sailor

what do you do with a drunken sailor

what do you do with a drunken sailor

early in the morning

right? that’s not a call and response, it’s just repetition. lyrically, its a call and response:

put him in bed with the captain’s daughter

(that’s my favorite line bc as kids we didn’t understand it so it made us laugh)

but musically you’re not having a back and forth. and so they’re things everyone just gets to sing together.

and that brings me to more industrial work songs. my favorite is sixteen tons, because i’m a basic bitch, and the line “saint peter don’t you call me cause i can’t go” is eternally stuck in my head. here’s a full version:

so as you can see, there’s no call and response, but the melody is relatively simple. it’s repetitive, the range is decent, and it’s got a really flexible tempo (the video i chose is pretty moderate, but here’s a fast one (and this is pure performance), and i swear i have a slower version on my computer but i can’t find it for the life of me).

(aside: one thing to notice in the johnny cash version is the backing. his is far more complex than ernie ford, and that’s because it’s dropped all pretense of being a work song. work songs don’t have much behind them because they’re almost always a capello. this isn’t super relevant to the discussion i just wanted to point it out.)

so mining work songs are generally like this (see black waters, another favorite of mine), and it’s not hard to see where folk music as a genre develops:

i just really like this song it’s probably not the best example.

on the other hand, other folk music maintains the structure. lets look at oh susanna (i hate this version, but the vocals are very clear so uhhh here’s a random cool fancy one listen to this it’s super cool).

the whole thing is fairly repetitive, it doesn’t have a strictly definite end, etc. the melody is still pretty simple, although i will say, having sung this in a choir, it can get more complicated in arrangement pretty easily.

anyway, this becomes bluegrass which is basically the folk version of country, here’s callin baton rogue which is absolutely one of the best songs to ever be written. this version is done by garth brooks, country singer, but listen to that fiddle and tell me it’s country.

(this is future matthew with an edit just to say, like, i’m not trying to establish a *strictly* factual chain of music genres here. bluegrass is, i believe, related closely to jazz & blues, while country was formed directly as an opposition to jazz & music history is really complicated.)

you get a lot of ballads here, eg ballad of john henry. i’m not going to say that’s good. but uh there’s a lot to filter through and i’m supposed to be working on my computer science assignment not doing an exploratory discussion of work songs and associated genres.

so this brings us to scottish/irish/english ballads. the clancy brothers are a popular band here, my mom had them on in the car a lot. here’s the work of the weavers for a slower song, but a good one, and here’s moonshiner, which is both a good song and takes me to my next point: sea songs, folk song, and tiktok (see its almost the same as the title it’s a joke).

i’m happy to see folk music making a resurgence. it was really a shame that we spent such a long time listening to not singing friendly music. that’s not a diss on any particular genre (except for edm fuck edm, everyone who makes dance remixes should have their music liscences revoked), because in isolation every genre is fine, but then you take it all together, and there’s a lack of the group singing, safe for bad singers, simple to play, music as a wider genre.

when did we stop singing lullabies? i mean i assume we still sing them to children, but how many do you know? how long has it been since a song like you are my sunshine has been popular? *caveat that i don’t listen to the radio, but if you have a counter example, make sure you think about how long it is and how large the range is and how complicated the rhythm is, etc., because that all is part of it.

at the camp i used to go to, we would sing bohemian rhapsody walking down the hill to the waterfront. someone would start it, and those interested get to join in sometime around “easy come easy go", but then you get to a guitar solo, and the thing kind of fizzles without a backing track.

and that’s what i mean, i mean people keep singing together, and wouldn’t it be better if more people made music that was meant to be sung? i mean sure you can gather your friends and sing anything, but will it resonate in the same way “what do you do with a drunken sailor?” would? will everyone be able to sing it, will it sound okay if you sing it badly? why did we stop making music that sounded best when we sing it the way we always have? why did we stop listening to it?

anyway i don’t have a deep take on this except like folk music is really good, and traditional songs exist for a reason. since i’ve focused really heavily on america and gaelic tradition, because that’s what i listend to growing up, and therefore can speak about in a qualitative sense, i would like to just leave this south african lullaby here, because my mom used to sing it to me, so it’s got a real soft spot in my heart. i didn’t really talk about lullabies because again comp sci assignment but they’re related, so anyway, this has an english translation in there which may or may not be the standard? but you can know what it means too:

#folk music #work songs #bluegrass #sea shanties #lullabies #music #mine #txt #19th #January #2021 #January 19th 2021 #q #essay

[justasparkwritings]

Illicit Affairs: Clandestine Meetings

Pairings: Namjoon x Reader (barely) 

Genre: Angst 

Ratings: PG17

Word Count: 3.5K

Warnings: Manipulation, Abuse of Power, Swearing, Negotiations and Contracts

Summary: Namjoon has to grapple with the decisions he’s made and the lives he’s participated in destroying. 

Listen: illicit affairs by Taylor Swift

         Namjoon slipped into the conference room, sport coat over a hoodie and matching sweats. His hair quaffed back, glasses on, bag slung across his shoulder. He had been dreading this meeting for weeks, months. Every few years their contract with BigHit needed negotiating, and being the leader, the role of representing the best interest of the seven men fell to him. He loathed negotiations, detested the position they put him in, and absolutely despised the imbalance of power in the meetings. BTS had lawyers, but their lawyers still worked for BigHit. A defunct HR department more so than barristers dedicated to protecting their rights as performers, creators and men. This meeting was going to be worse than the others, if the sinking feeling in his gut was any indication. Not only was their contract nearly up, but they had the precarious position of trying to figure out what would happen during Jin’s military service, which would be followed by Yoongi and the 94’s. He knew the contracts would include some clause or addendum regarding the mandatory order, and he could only guess what new rules management would be placing on them.

           The entire Maknae Line was at risk, none of them would step up and lead, but if the plans to postpone service until Jin turned 30 was available, it would give the other members more time to grow out of childish early twenty-somethings into the grown men they had to be. The only bright spot in all of this was the fact that Jin would hopefully be back before the Maknae were truly alone, followed by Yoongi. Namjoon wasn’t comforted by the idea of Jin leading the group, but that was selfishness and pride speaking. Jin would be an excellent leader if given the opportunity.

          Namjoon was similarly dreading the conversation because a plan had to be created to mitigate the damage Jungkook was supposedly doing, and to inhibit him from destroying everything BigHit had accomplished in the last decade. Namjoon, being the keeper of the Golden Maknae, was going to be forced to sign papers that ensured Jungkook’s cooperation while he, Ho-Seok, Yoongi and Jin were gone.

           The grip BigHit had on the seven members could only be compared to Britney Spears conservatorship. She had her conservators, aka her father… and BTS had Bang. 

           Bang Si-hyuk was not a vicious man in nature. He was charismatic, charming, determined. He was not cruel, and he didn’t gain pleasure from watching BTS squirm. He had created BigHit to craft and groom Idols, capitalizing on the ever-booming K-Pop network and exploiting the talents of naïve youth and feeding on the despair of distressed parents. He preyed on the hungry, the poor, the outcasts, and he turned them into fucking billionaires. BTS was Midas, and Bang reaped all the benefits.

          Bang wasn’t the only one manipulating children, robbing them of their futures, their family, their ability to have any semblance of a normal life. Every other music group and K-Pop mastermind was feeding off of the same labors. Despite the hard facts of the BigHit company, and K-Pop culture, Bang had been wonderful to the boys. He was always laughing and joking with them, encouraging them to explore different musical whims or try new sounds. But he also ran a business, and Namjoon would be hard pressed to forget that fact. No matter how much Bang loved them, they were the golden ticket he’d worked his entire life to find.

          Namjoon was let into the conference room, where Bang and the team of BigHit lawyers sat, as well as a few people from marketing. Joon bowed, gave his greetings and sat down.

           “Namjoon, how are you?” Bang asked.

           “Fine, thank you, and you?” Namjoon was always polite, overly so.

           “Good, how’s Y/N?” Bang inquired.

          Namjoon cleared his throat, uncomfortable with the mention of his secret partner. “She’s great.”

          “Good, now, we wanted to speak to you about Jungkook,” Bang said, directing Namjoon’s gaze to the screen mounted on the wall. A slide show of Jungkook’s misgivings began to play. Namjoon cursed silently. This was the meeting they were having.

           “Alright,” Namjoon glanced down from the screen to his bag, where he pulled out and opened his notebook, pen poised at the ready.

           “We’re concerned with his displays of disobedience,” Bang continued.

           “Can you be more specific?” Namjoon asked.

           “The tattoos, the hair colors, the collaborating with less desirable artists, his refusal to participate in V Lives, his general disregard for the rules, and the growing alcoholism,” Bang listed.

           “He’s having growing pains,” Namjoon tried to level with him.

           “He is grown, he has debuted, he has a contract,” Bang said.

           “Jungkook wants to express himself, and he’s trying to find ways to do that,” Namjoon offered. Couldn’t they find a compromise? Not on the drinking, Namjoon would fully admit that was a problem.

           “Ways that are damaging to all of you,” The marketing team said, side eyeing Joon.

           “Respectfully, they are not,” Namjoon said.

           “Jimin is getting tattoos,” Bang retorted.

           “Jimin is his own person,” Namjoon rebuffed.

           “Jimin is influenced by Jungkook.”

          “We’re all influenced by one another, it’s been a decade, we spend every day together, it’s bound to happen.” Namjoon was growing impatient.

          “You were supposed to keep an eye on him, but between you and Jin, you’ve led him astray,” Bang accused.

           “I’m not sure that’s fair,” Namjoon said, breathing heavily through his nose, “Jungkook is making decisions for himself, he can decide what to do with his body. It’s his after all.”

           “The decisions he is making effect all seven of you,” Bang countered.

           “They aren’t effecting us negatively, ARMY loves his tattoos, they spend so much time trying to decipher what they mean. His entire hand is dedicated to BTS and ARMY.”

           “They do not fit the image of this company,”

           “Then why didn’t you fire him? He is always covered, always. We all are,” Namjoon shook his head.

           “Aside from the tattoos, his desire to not participate in group filmings is unacceptable, and there’s still the problem of his drinking.”

           “Have you had this conversation with Jungkook?” Namjoon asked.

           “Yes, but you need to follow through on your obligations, Namjoon,” Bang’s words cut.

           “Yes sir, I will.” Namjoon bowed.

           “Jungkook needs to know his place if he is to make it through your military service. The four of you leaving in succession will destroy everything we’ve built. Jungkook and the Maknae line will be what remains while you are serving and recovering from active duty. If Jungkook doesn’t know what his place is, you will have nothing to return to.” Bang was an absolutist. Nothing was grey, it was clearly defined or could be with a few lines in their next contract.

           “Jungkook is the best of all of us, he can handle it.”

           “He needs to stop collaborating with low charting American artists, and British pop groups formed on reality shows. It’s lowering exposure in western markets and putting a damper on sales of BTS albums. He also needs to stop getting tattoos. A full sleeve is more than enough.”

           “Sir, what will Jungkook do when he’s, thirty?”

           “Depends what his contract says.”

           Namjoon bowed his head.

           “The Maknae line needs to be prepared for when the four of you are gone. They do not have a clear leader; they spend their time giggling and joking around. Who will step up?”

           “Taehyung would be a great leader, so would Jungkook or Jimin. The Maknae work well together, as a subunit they are strong. They are excellent singers and dancers, Jungkook has excelled at creating videos, Jimin’s song writing has improved ten times over as has his leadership, and Taehyung has excellent taste, an impeccable palate as an art director. The three of them are capable of handling themselves, when Jin-hyung and Yoongi-hyung are done with service, the five of them will excel at creating their own work.”

           “Namjoon, you seem to think that people want music produced by three vocalists,”

           “Taehyung can rap, so can Jungkook.”

           “What makes you so certain they’ll rise to the occasion?” Bang asked.

           “They have to and they will,” Namjoon said, voice determined.

           “Good, now, your contracts are coming up in a few months, and we need to look at a few details,” Bang motioned for the legal team to join, and they passed Namjoon a copy of their current contract. The marketing team left quietly, bowing and slipping out the door almost unnoticed.

           “Shouldn’t Jin be here? Or the other members?” Namjoon asked, eyes scouring the familiar pages. “I don’t think I should be the lone member in these negotiations.”

           “You’re the leader,” Bang stated.

           “It’s their careers and futures, sir,” Namjoon bowed his head, unwilling to show any disrespect.

           “The decision was made that you were the leader, are you not?”

           “I am but –

           “But nothing, you are the liaison, you will communicate any changes in your contracts to them before they come in to sign them.” Bang said. The lawyers nodded in unison.

           “Are there changes?” Namjoon asked.

           “Yes, we have put a note by all the changes, take a minute to read them.” One of the lawyers said.

           Namjoon glanced at the notes sticking out, how could there be so many changes? His eyes glanced over the first change.

           Heretofore, no member of BTS may publicly or privately engage in romantic relationships with members of the same or opposite sex. Promiscuous or philandering behavior will not be tolerated and could result in expulsion or a financial penalty.

           Any article, Tweet, TikTok or Instagram post about any relationship that a BTS member is engaging in will result in said member paying the fee for scrubbing said incident from the media and any subsequent scandals or fines.

           He read it again.

           “Why this change in relationship status?”

           “It’s not a change, but a clarification,” A lawyer said.

           “A clarification of what? That if anyone is attracted to the same sex, they can’t be with them?” Namjoon raised his eyebrow, unsure who told Bang the Kinsey scale leanings of the seven members.

           “It is to cover all bases,” The lawyers ensured. “To prohibit unfavorable pairings, pregnancies, diseases or most likely, scandals.”

           “How much is this fee?” Namjoon asked, eyes wide.

           “Depends on the member, some ten thousand, others, hundred thousand,” One of the lawyers said.

           “What about me?” He whispered.

           “Your contract continues to state that you are allowed to date as long as it is kept 100% in secret, absolutely private, and should you break up, she signs an NDA stating that she will not speak ill of you, your relationship, BTS or any members in perpetuity. Should she break this agreement, a fine of one million dollars will be paid.” Another lawyer answered.

           Namjoon nodded, the agreement of your relationship had caused a lot of fights, a lot of bickering, a lot of tears. Namjoon had to be certain you were the one in order to get Bang to let him even take you out or call you.

          Namjoon adjusted his glasses before moving to the next note.

           BigHit remains the sole proprietor of all content, music, lyrics, and productions created by BTS. This includes all solo work created on company property, with company studios and materials. All artwork, publishing rights and revenue belongs in perpetuity to BigHit. BTS members have access to their catalogue and revenue through BigHit’s legal team and through written permission from management. All recordings, voice memos, music videos and song samples used in any BTS created content may not be used by any members for solo projects not produced by BigHit.

           Namjoon read the words over and over. He glanced at their old contract, noting the slight changes in the paragraph from their previous agreement.  

           In perpetuity to BigHit.

           Everything they’d ever made, everything they’d ever done, from debut to now, belonged to BigHit. This wasn’t new information, this wasn’t shocking, but in perpetuity, forever and ever and ever… Namjoon couldn’t wrap his head around it.

           “Can I take this home?” Namjoon asked, looking at the team, a cold sweat coating his back.

           “Both copies?” A lawyer asked hesitantly.

           “I need to read through it, to process it, I need a little time, if allowed,” Namjoon cleared his throat.

           “Fine, bring your thoughts to our next meeting. You all must sign this before your current contract is up, and before one of you leaves for Military Service. You have a week,” Bang and his crew stood up, and Namjoon followed suit, bowing before collecting his items.

           As he entered the dorm, he noted the chaotic calm of their living quarters. Though they drifted from their own apartments into the shared space, it was common that in the evenings they would share a meal, watch a movie or play games together. Jungkook was trying to beat Yoongi in some video game, Jin was laughing with Ho-Seok and Taehyung, and Jimin was vocalizing in the kitchen, making what looked like a cup of tea. Namjoon nodded at them waving hello before disappearing into his room.

           He sat at his desk, looking at his blossoming plants, and pulled the papers out, moving from the first few pages to the next tabs.

           He found the corresponding paragraph in their current contract and compared.

           Their current contract stipulated that BTS would be credited as producers only on tracks they produced a minimum of 50% of. The new contract stipulated that they had to produce 75% of the track in order to receive credit.

           The next line stated that lyrical credits only went to artists that wrote 2/3 of the lyrics of every song, rap lines included. The remaining percentage went to the producer.

           Namjoon stared at the page. How would that be possible, with seven members, to receive credit for anything? As he continued reading, he found himself growing angrier and angrier at every page. He knew he’d signed his life away; he knew it years ago. But this? This was tearing his limbs off his body and feeding it to the wolves.  

           He picked up his phone and called you.

           “Hey babe, what’s up?” You asked, chipper disposition finding a way to travel across the globe to Korea.

           “The new contract is, it’s fucking awful,” Namjoon said, dropping his pen and running a hand through his hair.

           “How could it be worse?” You questioned. “It’s like, two hundred pages of absolute bullshit.”

           “The phrase in perpetuity has been used more than once,” He said.

           “No!” You gasped.

           “They added new language about dating and relationships too,” Namjoon told you.

           “With the sub section that you, as leader, have been afforded this one privilege over the others?” You inquired, setting your sleepy-time tea down.

           “You know that’s only in my contract,” He said, a faint smile on his lips.

           “Still, they aren’t changing that?” You hinted at your worry.

           “I’m surprised they haven’t put more stipulations on it: Namjoon can date but only Korean women of a certain age and height,” He laughed darkly.

           “Namjoon can date but cannot spend the night or engage in sexual activity, or any activity that could lead to the creating of a child, including jacking off in a hot tub,” You deadpanned.

           “Namjoon can date, but only if she has no idea who BTS is,” Namjoon chuckled.

           “Hmm, seems like you’re going to an indigenous tribe with no internet,” You suggested.

           “I just want you,” Namjoon whispered.

           “I know, babe,” You said. “tell me more about the contract.”

           “I don’t know what to do, it’s iron clad, they’ve got us where they want us, and they won’t let go,” He sighed heavily, already exhausted and he hadn’t moved past the fifth post-it.

           “They’re trying to get everything they can from you before you guys go serve,” You stated.

           “It just seems so, degrading.”

           “That they want all these things from you?” You asked.

           “That they think they can control us,” Namjoon said.

           “I thought they did,” You replied.

           “I, yeah, yeah they do.” He sighed again, his heart weighing heavy.

           “So, what’s so different about this time?” You asked.

           “They only ever negotiate with me, they never speak to the other guys,”

           “And?” You pressed.

           “And, I have to read this, ask the lawyers questions, and present it to the guys. They’re going to absolutely shit themselves. It literally says that members are required to complete a minimum of six hours of V Live per year, with a bonus given every additional hour completed,”

           “What?” Your gasp was beyond audible.

           “And, if a scandal ever arises, we have to pay to have it wiped from the media.”

           “I mean, okay, that one I can see making a little sense.”

           “Someone must’ve tipped them off to who we’re attracted to, because there’s a new stipulation that you can’t date any one of any sex, period.”

           “Shut up! They can’t do that!”

           “Oh, they did,”

           “Holy fuck, they did… Who told?” You asked.

           “No idea, but they’re going to be so angry,” Namjoon agreed.

           “The discrimination…”

           “The worst part? They own everything,” Namjoon said.

           “Is that different?” You wondered. Namjoon had asked you to read over the contract years ago, when it was up for another negotiation. You’d asked your dad to take another look, his expertise in the industry proving to be useful. He didn’t have anything to say other than he felt bad for BTS, no rights, no representation, no ability to change the situation.

           “In perpetuity, no chance to buy it back, no chance to own anything we’ve ever created, from debut to now.”

           “Oh Joon,” You could hear the despair in his voice, the anguish, the hurt. Everything he’d ever worked for wasn’t his, and he knew it never would be.

           “I feel so, responsible, like everything’s my fault,” Namjoon said dejectedly.

           “Well, are you?” You pushed.

           “It didn’t used to be this way. I mean, it did. They picked me first, they chose me to start this whole thing. They wanted me to help create this band that could be the next big thing. It was all I wanted, to rap, to make music, to help people heal through music, like I did. I had influence on who they put in the group, on why we have seven members instead of five or three… they listened to me, my vision… It was my group; sure, they pulled in Seokjin and gave me a list of people to look at… but BTS was mine. I signed the first contract, I read the terms and conditions, I signed us up for this.”

           “Namjoon, you didn’t know,” Your heart was breaking.

           “I knew better than to sign it all away,” His voice cracked.

           “You were a child, Joon, a child,” You told him.

           “I knew-

           “No, you didn’t, they preyed on you. They used your insecurities, your desolation, your pain, and they fucking groomed you to need them, to be indebted to them. They did this to you.” Namjoon listened as you started crying, your words trying to speak the truth he couldn’t see.

           “But I signed the contract,” Namjoon said. “It was impossible that we’d be anything.”

           “You became everything,” You said.

           “I signed their lives away, our rights, our work… I signed Jungkook,” Namjoon hadn’t realized the tears that had started falling. He let the weight of his statement run through him as the tears, like a winter storm, didn’t cease. “I signed Jungkook’s future away. He has nothing because of me.”

           “Namjoon,”

           “He can’t ever have a wife, he can’t have a family, he’s working himself to an early grave, he has no ability to understand what life is like outside of this, no ties to who he is as a person because he doesn’t know. Jungkook is an amalgamation of the six of us, he isn’t even his own! Nothing is his, and it’s my fucking fault.”

           You listened to Namjoon’s cries, his sobs giving way to the dark thoughts he’d been avoiding for years. You listened to your cries mixing with his, distress flowing between receivers. You listened as he tried to rationalize it, tried to make sense of the damage he’d done. But he couldn’t, and you didn’t have anything to offer.

           “Can you talk to Seokjin or Yoongi?” You whispered, Namjoon’s sobs subsiding.

           “I’m not supposed to,” Namjoon said in between ragged breaths.

           “Fuck supposed to, do you want to talk to them?”

           “Yeah,” He said, sniffling the chunks of snot back into his nasal passages.

           “I think it would be good, healthy for you to share this burden with them. You can’t carry this alone, Namjoon, not anymore,” You encouraged.

           “I know,”

           “Please, talk to them.” You said, voice soft.

           “I will, I will.” Namjoon promised.

           “I love you, Kim Namjoon, endlessly,” You said, the declaration firm and exact as it flowed from your lips. It punctured the air around Namjoon, and he glanced to the singular photo he had framed of you.

           “I love you too, endlessly.” He whispered.

           As he hung up, eyes drifting towards the papers on his desk, he realized the saving grace of clandestine meetings: no one expected you to show their truth.

Next: A Million Little Times

#BTS #Kim Namjoon/OFC #Kim Namjoon / You #rm / reader #RM / You #RM #BTS fan fic #BTS fanfic #BTS fanfiction #big hit #management #contracts #military service #kpop #Yoongi min #min yoongi #suga #seokjin #jin #kim seokjin #jeon jungkook #jung hoseok #j hope #jimin #park jimin #kim taehyung #v #life goes on #hoseok

[reddesertcolbs]

idiot // colby brock

this was requested by a lovely anon. i hope you enjoy :)

summary: colby and the boys go exploring whilst you’re at home in the traphouse, but they forget their keys and have to wake you up. 

masterlist

feel free to request blurbs.

// 

“baby, have you seen my black sinners hoodie anywhere?” you hear your boyfriend shout from his bedroom, you are currently standing in the bathroom, removing your makeup that’s been on your face for over 10 hours now. 

colby and the boys are getting ready to travel an hour to go and explore an abandoned hotel. as much as you loved to watch colby do what he adores, which is exploring, you can’t help but worry every time they leave to go. you know how dangerous these places can get, so you can’t help but stress. 

“i think it’s in your wardrobe hanging up, colbs. i’ll come and look now.” you respond, putting the lid back onto the night cream, and walk towards colby’s room. 

you make your way to his large light brown wardrobe and open the door. after flicking through multiple different colours of hoodies, you find the one he’s looking for and throw it in his direction. you giggle as the black material lands on his head, in which he quickly removes it, giving you a stern look. 

“sorry, babe. didn’t mean to do that.” you giggle, lifting your hands in the air to show your innocence. you watch as the tall man turns his body around to face you, and walk slowly towards you. 

your giggles come to a halt, as the man wraps his large arms around your frame, and his head rests in the crook of your neck. your breathing becomes shaky as you feel his breath tickle your neck. 

“you’re gonna pay for that, pretty girl.” he whispers in your ear, slowly tickling your back with his fingers in a seductive way. 

“oh yeah, how are you gonna do that?” you ask, smirking as you pull your head away and lift it to look him in the eye. 

“you’ll see.” he winks, giving you a quick peck on the lips before removing his arms from around your waist, moving toward the black bag again. 

“i think i have everything now.” he announced, zipping up the bag and taking a seat on his bed. he makes grabby hands to you, telling you to come and sit on his lap. 

you happily oblige, walking towards him and taking a seat on his lap, your legs are straddling his hips and your arms wrap securely around his neck. 

“got your phone charger?” you ask, looking at him, as he unzips his bag once again to double check. he pulls the white cord out of the bag and lays it on the bed. 

“yep.” he nods, wrapping one arm around the bottom of your back, making sure that you don’t fall and because he has to make sure he’s touching you in some way at all times. 

“spare battery for your camera?” the man once again rummages through the black bag, and nods when he makes eye contact with the battery. 

“have you got your keys to get back in? i’ll most likely be asleep.” the man gives you a small smile, lifting you off him gently and reaching into his jean pocket. he pulls out a set of keys and spins it on his middle finger. 

“got them, don’t worry, we won’t wake you.” he places his keys into his back pocket and stands up, checking the time on his phone. it was around 8:53pm. “we have to make a move, you sure you’re gonna be okay by yourself? i can get sam to ask kat to come around to keep you company.” he reaches for your hand, pulling you up to stand in front of him. 

“i’ll be fine, don’t worry about me.” you press your lips onto the tip of his nose, planting a gentle kiss to it. “besides, it’ll be nice not to hear you four screaming for a few hours making tiktoks.” you wink. 

“hey, you love it.” he smirks, placing his lips against yours once again. 

he leans down to grab the black bag and places it on his back. he grabs your hand and makes his way out of his bedroom door, and you shut the brown door behind you. you both make your way down the stairs and stand by the large door that leads to the outside. 

“sam, jake, corey.” he shouts, trying to grab their attention. “are you ready? we need to go.” 

one by one, you watch as they arrive by the door, all of them with bags on their backs, wrapped up in jackets and coats. 

“have you all got your keys?” you ask, eyeing them all and you watch as they all rummage through their pockets. 

“it’s okay, i have mine.” colby states, looking down at you and then looking at the boys again. “ready?” 

“let’s go, i’m so excited.” sam says, making his way to the door and opening it. the breeze of the cool air makes you shiver slightly. 

all four boys make their way through the door and towards colby’s car, but colby hangs back to stand with you for a few moments. you watch him as he points the black key towards his car to unlock it. jake and corey open the back doors and sam plants himself in the passenger seat. 

colby wraps his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his chest. you smile as you feel his lips on top of your head. 

“are you sure you’re gonna be okay?” he questions, looking at you with a face full of concern, as you’re going to be by yourself for the night. 

“yes baby, i’ll be okay. now go, you’ll be late.” you press your lips to his, and push him in the direction of his car. 

you watch your boyfriend as he opens the boot of the red car, and he places the black bag delicately into it. he stands by you again, giving you a kiss and he moves to the drivers door. he opens the driver’s seat door and turns around before sitting down. 

“i love you.” he states, a massive smile appearing on his face. 

“i love you more. stay safe, come home in one piece, please.” you smile back. you observe the man as he sits down in the black seat, putting the key into the ignition and starting the car. the car’s lights beam onto the drive way and he presses the button to open the gate. he slams his door shut and waves at you, and you smile as all four boys wave as the car begins to move forward.

you wave them all off, as colby makes his way out of the gate carefully, and smile as he beeps his horn on his way out. you watch the gate to make sure that it shuts all the way and locks itself and you wrap your arms around yourself as you begin to walk back into the huge house. you shut the brown door behind you and lock it, and you begin to climb the steps of the stairs. 

you stroll towards colby’s room, opening the door and walking straight to his wardrobe. you rummage through the hoodies, and grab the burgundy hoodie that you absolutely adore. you remove the shirt that you’re currently wearing and slip on the big hoodie, sighing in content at the scent of colby engulfing you. 

you wander towards colby’s bed, lifting the covers and sliding in. you grab your phone from the table that’s situated on the right of the bed to check the time. it was now 9:23pm and you had already eaten dinner for the night. 

you begin to yawn, as you lean over to grab the remote for colby’s television, and turn it on. you open netflix and spend most of your time flicking through the different genres, to find something interesting to watch. once you find a movie to watch, you pull the covers up to your chin, cocooning yourself in the duvet that smells like colby. 

you feel your eyes begin to shut, but you tried your hardest to stay awake, because you wanted to make sure you seen the text from colby to say they arrived at the destination safely. you closed your eyes for a few moments, but your eyes shoot open at the sound of your phone beeping. 

you feel around the duvet for your phone, and bring it towards you once it’s in your hand. you squint at the brightness and open the text from colby. 

colbs: hey baby, we’ve arrived safely. hopefully we’ll see you in a few hours. i love you, message me if you need me x 

you smile after reading his text, and you’re quick to reply to him. 

i’m glad you’ve arrived safe, babe. i love you more, have fun! stay safe, see you soon xx 

you lock your phone again and close your eyes. you’re quick to fall asleep once you know the boys and colby are safe. but what you’re completely unaware of are colby’s keys sat on the end of the bed. 

hours pass, you’re still in a deep slumber in colby’s room, and you’re surprised you didn’t wake up at the sound of the gates rattling, when they opened, or the sound of colby’s car entering the driveway. 

colby puts his car into park, and all boys yawn as they hop out of the red car, grabbing their bags, shutting the car doors and the four boys make their way to the door. on his way to the large door, colby points his black key towards his car, locking it. 

colby opens his phone to turn on his torch, so he can see the driveway. the time is now 5:18am and it’s pitch black outside. colby reaches into his back pocket and he can feel his face go white when he doesn’t feel his keys in his back pocket. 

“shit, i can’t find my keys.” he panics, moving his hand from his left back pocket, to his other pockets that were sewn on his jeans. he quickly checked his hoodie pocket, but signed and turned his attention to corey when he began to speak. 

“did you have them when we left? i put mine on the table because you said you were bringing yours.” corey says, turning on his torch on his phone also. jake and sam nod their hands in agreement, and show colby that they haven’t got theirs. 

“they must’ve fallen out of my pocket on my bed.” he whines, unlocking his phone once again. “i’ll call y/n. i feel shit waking her.” he sighs. 

he used his thumb to press on the phone app and flicks through his contacts until he lands on you. he presses the call button and lifts his phone to his right ear, looking around the driveway. 

you are startled awake by the sound of your phone ringing loudly by your ear. you sit up, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes and your eyes widen when you see colby’s name. you check the time, and it says 5:26am. your eyebrows knit in confusion and you slide your phone to answer. 

“hey baby, you okay?” you ask, sleep evident in your voice. you cough slightly to clear up your groggy voice, waiting for colby’s response.

“hey, yeah we’re okay. don’t be mad but i can’t find my keys and we’re stuck outside the door.” he says quietly, trying not to be too loud in case he wakes the neighbours. 

“they were in your back pocket, you idiot.” you respond, chuckling. you remove the warm covers off your body and sit up, sighing as you stretched your limbs. your head turns towards the floor, as the sound of metal hitting the wooden floor rings in your ears. “doesn’t matter, they’re here.” 

“can you let us in please? it’s cold.” he whines, as you make your way out of his room and down the stairs. 

“i’m on my way.” you say, hanging up the phone, placing it into the hoodie pocket and strolling towards the door. you unlock the door and open it wide, letting the four tired boys step through. 

you quietly shut the door behind you, locking it again and watch as the four of them place the bags onto the floor and turn to look at you. 

“thank you for letting us in, we’re sorry for waking you.” jake pouts, holding out his arms to give you a quick hug before walking up the stairs to his room. sam and corey both thank you as they begin to make their way to their bedrooms. 

colby wraps his arms around your shoulders, pulling you against his chest and you can tell he is knackered because he doesn’t talk much. you press your lips to his neck and pull away, holding his hands in yours. 

“c’mon, let’s go to bed. you can tell me all about it when we wake up.” you say, watching as the man lets out a loud yawn and nods his head. he is now wearing his black sinners hoodie, and it makes him look extra cuddly. you both climb the stairs slowly and walk into his dark room.

“sorry for waking you, i thought my keys were in my pocket the whole time. i’m an idiot.” he chuckles, removing his shoes and then his jeans, kicking them into the corner of the room. 

you climb into the comfy bed once again, and you make grabby hands to your handsome boyfriend. he smiles as he strolls to the bed, wrapping his arms around your waist and laying his head on your chest, sighing at the relief of being in his warm bed and having your arms wrapped tightly around him. you intertwine your left arm around his shoulder and rub gently, whilst your right hand weaves through his blue and brown locks. 

“it’s okay baby, don’t apologise.” you press your lips onto his forehead, happy to have your man back in your arms in one piece. “get some sleep, i love you.” 

“i love you more.” he responds, wriggling around the bed to get more comfy, before shutting his eyes and letting sleep take over him.

#colby brock #colby brock blurb #colby brock x reader #colby brock imagine #sncnetwork

[secondhandnewsradio]

SHN INTERVIEW: Sleep Walking Animals

by Claire Silverman

photo: Ryan Hall

Sleep Walking Animals, the indie-folk alternative rock band from Manchester, England, have just released their self-titled debut EP. Since SHN first interviewed the band at the start of the year, they have released two more singles, started playing live shows again as restrictions opened up, and have announced a co-headlining tour around the UK in October. At their EP launch gig at the Fiddler’s Elbow in Camden on the 20th of September, they performed their new music to a sold out crowd.

CS: Congrats on the EP coming out. When we spoke back in February, you mentioned your plans for the EP, so it’s very exciting that it’s here now. How are you all feeling?

Tom: Like it's about time.

Jack: “Angus’ Fool.” “Wild Folk,” and “Dance Laura Dance” are on the EP, so we started recording this EP in October 2019. So it's been a big process, and the EP is kind of about that process.

Tom: We didn't want to release things until we were happy with everything, because we did record enough songs back in 2019 to go on an EP. But in post [production], we were a little bit concerned that they weren't all up to the standard that we wanted. It was our first time in a studio together as well when we recorded those songs, so we needed to practice, we needed to get together more and get more experienced in the studio. Then we ended up going up to Stockport and using a studio called Green Velvet Studios and we laid down five tracks, three of which are on the EP.

Jack: So, yes, excited.

photo: Ryan Hall

CS: Is there an overarching theme across the EP?

Tom: It feels like it's very much about things that have happened to us in the time it took to put the EP together, and things that have inspired us enough to write about, you know, various introductions to people, to new experiences, illnesses, life events that sparked something within us to try to make a good song out of.

Jack: The whole EP spans across when we started the band in 2018 right up to now, so a lot of the songs are about growth and change. But the songs are about our growth musically as well, which is a nice kind of coincidence.

Tom: “Angus’ Fool” was the first song we ever wrote together, so the EP spans from our first song together to things we were writing in lockdown. So like Jack said it’s a span of two and a half years.

Alex: “Native” was written after we played Farm Fest [this summer].

CS: So now that you have more music out and have started to establish your sound, how did you figure out what genre of music you wanted to make?

Alex: It's funny, you just mentioned “Native” and I think that was the point that pushed us to fatten up the sound a little bit. I mean, the style of the song made us realize that we can push it a little bit more. And we have a few like one recorded songs, which are definitely a lot more rock-y.

Tom: We're inspired by all sorts of different bands as well. And, you hear it said a lot but a lot of great artists steal from other great artists and that's how they become great, so we're taking influences from people that we all listen to. So this is why it's hard whenever anybody asks “so what kind of genre of music do you play?” I can never really answer that because it’s changing all the time.

Jack: But I was saying to Bill the other day, (he's not officially in the band yet but he kind of is. He's the drummer who played with us on Monday) we've never really spoken about what genre we want to write. We didn't speak about influences, particularly.

Tom: We're just going with ideas. We all have our own little pockets of interest that we bring to the table and I think that’s what makes out sound quite unique

Alex: When someone brings something and then all of a sudden there's so many layers on top of it, which are coming from all kinds of different directions. And it's just hard to put your finger on what it actually is. But it's cool and we like it.

photo: Ryan Hall

CS: It seems as though COVID restrictions are kind of mostly lifted here in England. At least, concerts are happening again. What's that been like, through the pandemic till now, and being able to play live shows again?

Tom: It’s been a massive relief, really, it means that we can get out there and get some gigging experience, start playing our stuff live. It's a completely different beast to be in the studio, it’s a completely different skill to have. And the more we do it, the more we’ll improve, and the more people will respond well to our gigs. There is such a massive impact from a live gig that you don't get from sitting down and putting your headphones in and listening to the Spotify track. You get the performance, you get the live engagement with music, and with the people on stage. That's just palpable.

CS: Since you're all performers, you're all actors, how do you think your other stage experience impacts your music?

Jack: That's an interesting one. Because I think the three of us are definitely coming out of acting and want to follow music, solely. Obviously, Tom, you both really well. [Laughter] And Nuwan’s also still following both. It's just something that when we are playing live, and it's going well, and there aren’t any technical issues, that we can just give ourselves completely to that moment. And I think that's easier for someone who has trained to do that, which is kind of what we did at drama school, I guess, to give yourself to the moment,

Tom: Yeah, there are great artists and performers, actors, musicians who haven't haven't gone through a formal training process. I think it's actually more important than training. Personally, I find the two things very different, being onstage as a member of Sleep Walking Animals and being on stage or on screen and being an actor in a role. I think the only similarity for me really, is the fact that when we go on stage as Sleep Walking Animals, I feel myself put on a character. I'm not Tom, I’m whatever else that is.

Jack: John. [Laughter]

Tom: I think we all do that whether we realize it or not. Because we'd be crippled with anxiety and insecurity and all the other horrid things that sort of flood into you when you're onstage performing in any way, you know, those don't happen or they sort of diminish if you put on that guise. So I guess that helps in that sort of transition.

photo: Claire Silverman

CS: You mentioned Farm Fest a bit earlier. What was it and how did it come about? And how was it?

Tom: So Farm Fest is a new, upstart festival that myself and my girlfriend Lottie host and organized. It's on her childhood farm and it's something that Lottie had wanted to do for a long time, to use that land to provide a space for a festival, entertainment, camping. We started it a couple years ago. There was that little bit of time between lockdowns where we got a weird freedom in the summer of 2020 and people felt like it had kind of gone away. Luckily, we all collectively know a bunch of musicians and comedians. It started small and then this year, we did it again. We charged a bit more money for tickets, and we are getting bigger and better. It feels like it's sort of gaining a bit of momentum. And it was the highlight of our year, we got to perform on a mainstage with a great sound set up. For us it was a big crowd to play to who all knew the songs and were singing along. It felt like a real festival, right.

CS: You guys are pretty active on social media, at least on the Sleep Walking Animals account. You guys don't always take things super seriously, which I like. What’s your approach to using social media? What do you think of it?

Jack: I wish we didn't have to. I think we probably all do realize the importance of it because Instagram is pretty much the only way of promoting anything, which is so fucking sad. Yeah. And I thought today, because Joe and I are reading a book about Joy Division and the start of the punk scene stuff, and they didn't even have t-shirts, because they wanted to stick it to the man and that kind of thing. But you just can't do that now. It's just like times have changed and there’s so many bands and so many artists that you have to be on it. Like, it will only be a matter of time before we go on to TikTok.

Tom: As an unsigned band without management or label yet, you know, we're left to do it on our own. Like Jack said, it's our only way of letting people know about our music. We might as well try and enjoy it if we've got to do it.

photo: Ryan Hall

CS: Now that the EP is out, what are your future plans for the band?

Tom: World domination?

Joe: Recording.

Tom: Yeah, more tunes. We've got quite a few unrecorded ones. Keep doing what we're doing, really, following the footsteps of the people and bands and artists who have inspired us. Just keep going with it and see what happens. We're not putting immense amounts of pressure on ourselves. We do it because we love it. We do it because we think our music is worth pursuing. Yeah. Just see where the wind takes us.

CS: And you've got a tour coming up in October.

Jack: Yeah, a UK tour. It’s a co-headlining tour with Polary and My Pet Fauxes. So we're playing in different cities and we're all sharing the headlines slot and supporting each other at the different venues.

Tom: The 17th of October we're playing Leeds at Oporto, then on the 18th at Dublin Castle in London, the 19th we’re in Bristol at Crofters Rights and then the 20th at Night & Day in Manchester.

CS: Good luck for those shows and again, congratulations on releasing your debut EP.

This interview has been lightly edited for clarity and length.

Listen to Sleep Walking Animals’ debut EP here

Follow the band on Instagram Twitter Spotify YouTube 

sleepwalkinganimals.com

#second #shn radio #sleep walking animals #tom glynn carney #jack brett #joe etherington #alex hartford #nuwan hugh perera #new music #new release #new ep #angus' fool #wild folk #dance laura dance #native of the northlands #taste of it #the drone interlude #polary #my pet fauxes #farm fest #indie music #alternative rock #alt rock #folk music

[taeswurld]

Ace VII [8 fucking 30]

pairing: bakugo x fem!reader

genre: humor, romance

TW: violence, cursing, angst, fluff

Summary:

Shifting into My Hero was a total mistake, all those tiktoks you watched on a daily about shifting somehow convinced your brain to take part. Now the question is how to wake up, and most importantly, DON’T GET ATTACHED TO STUPID DRAWINGS!

A/N:

Yuhhhhh i made a new chapter. Reblog and like for clear skin hotties! 

{ACE MASTERLIST}

Once you finished resting up, and once everyone cleaned up their appearance, you all decided to pay a visit to a certain superhero to see if they could help you figure out your little problem.

Well, not little problem. Big problem. Very big problem. 

“Hey Y/N,” Midoriya began as he walked besides you and Hiro. “Do you by any chance remember All Might? Or Mr. Aizawa?” 

You shook your head and looked down. “Sorry Midoriya, I don't really remember anything. I mean, the names sound familiar, but I can't exactly put faces to them. All my memories are blobby.” 

“What the fuck does blobby mean?” Bakugou asked as he stomped behind you. 

“You don’t know what blobby means, Bakugou?” You asked as a smirk covered your face. “Come on dude, catch up with the lingo.” 

“Shut up! No one know what you and your stupid vocabulary means half the time anyways. You always sprouting some stupid shit.” He scowled. 

“Yeah Bakugou,” Todoroki grinned. “Catch up with the lingo.” 

“Shut the fuck up, Teapot.” He growled. 

“Hey! Before you two get into another fight,” Midoriya intervened. “I suggest we get this problem fixed first.” He gave them a hard glare. 

“Whatever. The only reason why I’m here is because I don’t need Y/N’s dumbass making us look weak.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” You said rolling your eyes. 

Dear God, this guy was infuriating. 

“We get it dude. I’m weak and stupid and you’re the greatest Hero ever. Woopie.” You said pouring as much sarcasm as you could into your voice. 

“Hey, cut it out, you two.” Midoriya said. “We’re here. I overheard they were going to have a teacher meeting, so let’s just wait outside until they're done.” 

You turned away from Bakugou and turned to look at a huge door. You could hear slight muffles, but nothing too clear. As much as you wanted to eavesdrop, you couldn’t bring yourself to disrespect the people who are probably going to determine your future. 

The four of you decided to sit against the wall, with Midoriya to your right and Todoroki to your left. Hiro was being stiffly pet by Todoroki, while Bakugou sat in front of you. 

“So what was your life before you were morphed here?” Todoroki asked. 

“Nothing special,” you shrugged. “In my dimension, or whatever, there was this huge pandemic that pretty much took over the world. It's like, highly contagious, so we can't leave our house. I did school online and pretty much have stayed home. You can’t exactly come into contact with too many people.” 

“Sheesh, a pandemic?” Midoriya asked. 

“Yeah, it was pretty bad, a lot of people died. And it sucks. But I’ve stayed home a lot. Other than that nothing interesting’s been going on in my life. Literally go on tik tok everyday for like 3 hours everyday though.” You said with a small smile. 

“Tik what?” Bakugou asked with a furrow in his brows. 

“Nothing. Just a stupid app. But what happened here? Like I wanna get an idea of what part of the timeline I’m in.” You asked, looking around. 

“Villains attacked us at U.A.” 

“We fought villains at the train camp where Bakugou and you were targets.” 

“I beat Deku’s ass.” 

“Okay! Okay! Maybe I should’ve been more clear.” You said putting your hands up to get them to pause on the talking. 

“Wait, Midoriya, he beat your ass?” You said giving him a disappointing look. 

“Hey! I didn’t actually expect an actual fight! And just for your information, I for sure won that fight” He said giving Bakugou a slight glare, but still grinning from ear to ear. 

“Oh yeah? You wanna go again shitty nerd?” Bakugou smirked. 

“I’ll be sure to record when Midoriya beats your ass into the ground.” Todoroki chimed in.

“Shut up, Half-and-Half. I’ll beat your ass too.” Bakugou turned to look at him. 

“As much as I would love to see that, I don't need you idiots destroying anymore school property.” 

The four of you looked up to see a pale man with long hair. He had eyebags that could go on for miles. And he had a white scarf around his neck. Honestly, the man looked like he hasn’t showered or slept properly in years. 

“Mr. Aizawa!” The boys exclaimed. The three of them quickly stood up to give him a bow. 

“Hey.” You waved, clearly not getting the hint to stand up. Hiro, however, gave the man a friendly bark and also stood up. 

“I see you still have your rude American customs Y/N. How many times I gotta tell you to bow to your sensei.” He said giving you a playful glare. 

“You can take the girl out of America but can’t take the American out of the girl.” you said, giving him a smirk. 

He sighed, looking used to your snarky comments. “Well, get on with it. Why are you all here?” He asked looking towards Midoriya. 

“Well, we have a slight problem. You know how she had that accident last night?” Midoriya began. 

“She stupidly lost all her skill and any memories of how to work that idiot quirk of hers.” Bakugou chimed in. 

“What? Y/N, explain.” Aizawa said sternly. 

“Okay, well, I’m not actually from this dimension.” you stood up looking at the man nervously, hoping he doesn't kick you out for what you’re about to say. 

“I was transported here last night. Or was it this morning? Well anyways, I’m not actually from here and in my dimension we don’t have powers, or quirks, or whatever, and I don't even know what I’m doing here because I’m totally supposed to be in first period right now, or is it third? I don't know but I don’t know if this is a dream, because to be quite honest, I’m like totally freaking the shit out, and I have this super duper power, and I don't know how to control it, and my dog apparently has powers too but I don’t know what it is cause we haven’t had the chance to test it out, but I make people’s ears bleed, and-” 

“Alright, enough!” His eyes glared a bright read and his hair stood up. 

Immediately, you shut your mouth, hoping not to get him mad. 

“So you don’t remember how to control your quirk?” You shook your head no. 

He sighed looking much more stressed than when he first saw you. “Okay here’s what we’re going to do.” He began. 

“Everyday, for the next 2 months, you will be training with these three troublemakers in hope of getting your control back. I’ll talk to principal Nezu about this and see if there's a reason why another version you ended up here in this dimension. I will also be asking All Might to supervise you four just in case anything happens. We’ll monitor your progress weekly.

“I’m not sure if your memory affects your knowledge on what we’ve been learning so far, like Math. I’ll be sure to ask your teachers to test you on what you’ve been learning.” He concluded. 

“Oh come on! Tests? That blows.” You complained. 

“As for your dog,” He said giving you a glare to shut you up again, “We can go ahead and use Midoriya’s notebooks and the file we have to check him out. As far as I can remember, you two are a team, he helps you gain control, and at the same time provides backup.” 

“We can take a look at my notes later, okay?” Midoriya turns to give you a reassuring smile. 

“Okay, well for now, I suggest the three of you go back to the dorms, take a shower, and wait for the rest of your classmates to get back. I’m not sure if this is a one-day thing, but I want you to get to bed early, got it Y/N? And I’m talking Bakugou-bedtime early, got it?” He said. 

“Yeah, don't worry. What time do you sleep, blondie? 10? 10:30?” You turn to ask. 

“Try 8:30.” Todoroki said, rolling his eyes. 

“8 fucking 30 dude? Are you insane?” You yelled, widening your eyes at the new information. 

“If you don't like it princess, it’s not my problem. Teacher’s orders.” He said smirking. 

“Am I understood Y/N? Also no more use of your quirk until there’s a certified adult around.” He said. 

“Yeah, yeah. I got it.” you said dejected at the fact that you would be sleeping at the time you ate dinner. 

You turned to glare at Bakugou, silently promising to yourself that if you ever managed to get your control back, you were going to participate in that fight the boys were talking about earlier to beat the shit out of Bakugou’s ass. 

taglsit: lanaxians-2 soft-levi-girl-blog

#bakugou katuski x reader #myhero #my hero academia x reader #bakugou x fem!reader #bnha #bnha bakugo katsuki #bnha bakugou #bnha ochaco uraraka #izuku midoriya #denki kaminari #shouto todoroki #Ochako Uraraka #eijiro kirishima #mina ashido #tenya iida #boku no hero academia #ace #anime #bakugo katuski #Katsuki Bakugō #my hero academia #bakugou x y/n #bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #katsuki x reader #x reader #yn

[random-mha-thoughts]

Creep part 2 (Bakugou x Reader)

Pairing: Bakugou x fem!Reader

Genre: Spice!

Sequel to Creep (part 1)

Summary: Your roommate forces you to a dorm hangout with her boyfriend where you get hit on by a creep, only to have Bakugou come along and help you with the situation.

Word count: 2,835

Tags:  @yuki-osaki @liviitehe @iamsoftsodonttoucheume-blog

a/n: More spice than the first part ;)  This one took a different turn from the first part, so I hope you all like it!  The ending might be a little rushed because I’m really exhausted and I wanted to finish this before I pass out on my keyboard.

This part was inspired by a Tiktok that was going to be a completely different scenario, but it ended up fitting perfectly as a sequel, so I used it!

Also I hit 100 followers!?  In 2 weeks?!  What are y’all following me for, I’m trash!?  Nonetheless thank you for supporting my tiny blog out of the vast world of Tumblr, I really appreciate it.  100 followers may not seem like a lot for some of you, but I never expected this to happen and I’m so grateful for each of you 😘😘  Ok enough of the mushy stuff, onward to the sequel!

Maybe I was hit by cupid's arrow.  Or the devil's, considering the type of thoughts I'm having.

I'm not usually the kind of person who lusts over people or their appearances.  I'll at least acknowledge them as hot and then move on, but I don't dwell on them.  Until I went back to our shared dorm still wearing Bakugou's hoodie and started having flashbacks of our few moments together.  His scent coupled with the memory of his smirk and those intense crimson eyes left me with a lingering high.  We had left things unfinished, and that little nagging in the back of my head drove me to do something I wouldn't normally do.

And that was stalking him.  I ended up scrolling through Ochaco's following list for his profile, and finding it was akin to discovering a hidden treasure.  From the outline of his build in that long-sleeve shirt I last saw him in, I knew there was something there.  While his profile displayed mostly pictures of his friends hanging out, there were also clips of him training in the gym.  Only when I chose those to watch those and scrolled to the end of the set would I be gifted with a beautiful mirror selfie of him in a black tank top.  Even just standing there, hands in his pockets or arms crossed across his chest, the curve of his arms and veins straining underneath entice me.

But that wasn't what stands out to me the most.  It's actually his neck.  In the small amount of time I'd spoken to him, the moment that he removed his hood and exposed it to me is the image that replays the most.  The structure of his muscles and his collarbone melding together into a perfect sculpture of a man.  That's what mostly haunted me.  To think it's one of the more sensitive parts of him makes my heart pound a little harder.  In every picture, it was the first thing I looked for.

"You planning on taking that off anytime soon?"

I jolted when Ochaco's sly comment awoke me from my reverie.  "Yeah, I just needed to check something first," I tried to play it off before - reluctantly - ripping the hoodie off of me.

And now, the day after that, I have to give it back to him.  This morning, a rogue though flashed into my mind: instead of simply handing it to him, I could wear it to class and have him watch me peel it off my body.  Such a thought never occurred to me before, startling me for being brash.

I did wear it though. I told myself it was cold in the classroom and I would need it.

When I walked into the classroom, I didn't dare to glance at the back for him since my thoughts haven't been the purest and I think I might've choked if I didn't mentally prepare myself.  If he was nice enough, he would have respected that sign, but he wasn't.

As soon as I turned around from getting a pen from my bag, there he was leaning on my desk, earning an embarrassing squeal from me.

His head tilts against his arm.  "That's a lovely shade on you."

My breath stops for a millisecond.  Huh?

Bakugou twirls one of the strings on the hoodie around his finger.  "The black matches your nails."

Oh.  Duh.  "Yeah?  I might keep it then."  Just to make my point, I pull the hood up on my head.  "You're probably not getting this back."

"Hording my clothes now?"  He clicks his tongue, "Sounds like you're the creep now.  Or just a thief."

Haaa, you don't know the half of it.  From the position he's in, leaning down on the desk and resting his head on his arm, there's a very perfect view of his neck and collarbone right in front of my eyes from under his black shirt and denim jacket.  I try not to linger on it and force myself to concentrate on his face instead.  "I'll give it back after class, this room is always too cold for me."  But today it feels just a bit hotter.

We agree to get lunch and head to the library after class until the professor arrives and he returns to his seat, but not before sending a wink my way.  I clutch the neck of the hoodie, stunned as the gesture spirals be back to us almost kissing, before the fire alarm rudely interrupted everything.  For the rest of class, I'm more concerned with how to take off an oversized hoodie in a sexy way than any kind of modern British prose.

.

We decide on staying on one of the library floors where a moderate level of talking is allowed, taking over a small, private study room where the door is transparent and there's a rectangular glass window to see inside.  I'm partially thankful for the extra insurance keeping me from possibly jumping on him, but that doesn't keep me from staring and letting my mind run wild.

Bakugou chose the seat at the head of the table and I chose the seat adjacent to him.  "I can't get over how the old hag typed out an entire 7 page guideline on how to write this paper.  Does she expect us to write a dissertation or something?!"

I slurp my udon.  "She needs to chill.  I thought her sarcastic humor was funny the first week of class, but she's getting on my nerves now."

"Then why do you keep laughing at all her jokes?"

"Because I need to kiss up to her so she can at least remember me to give me a good grade for one."  I put a piece of chicken in my mouth.  "And also, I'm low key scared of her killing my first born child."

Bakugou almost chokes on his Mapo Tofu laughing at that, throwing his head back and slamming the table.  The image of me kissing his neck flashes through me and cuts my laugh short.  Calm yourself!  I clear my throat.  "Speaking of scary people, if I had met you at the party, I would've had a very different impression of you, since you were much more...aggressive there."

He has a confused expression before he looks down at his food.  "You mean how I was screaming playing that game?"

"Yeah."  I note how uncomfortable he looks on the subject.  "I guess people usually think that of you?"

"Something like that.  I was kind of a loudmouth in high school, I think I've gotten better."  He turns to me, twirling his chopsticks in his hand curiously.  "What was your first impression of me?"

I shrug.  "You're quiet, you have a brain in your head, and you like to sleep in class sometimes."

The blond snorts, "People don't usually associate me with 'quiet,' you'd be the first."

Should I be flattered by that? I wonder.

We finish our meals without another word.  I pull out my laptop and start looking through the guidelines for our paper again.  "I don't even know what book I want to write about, they're all so boring."

Bakugou shrugs, still peering into his laptop screen.  "I would just pick the one with a theme you can bullshit the most about."

"I guess," I slump down onto my arm.  I always liked reading growing up so I didn't think I would have a tough time in this class, but the professor really drains the energy out of me.

I feel a bit hot in his hoodie, perking up at the opportunity to pique his interest.  Maybe I can lift it up so my shirt underneath slides up and shows my stomach a little?  Would that be sexy?  How do I remove it casually enough in one swift movement without fucking it up?  Maybe he'll find any way I do it attractive, because hopefully that's how guys think.

I decide to just try it an see how it goes.  Lifting it with both hands from the bottom, I drag the hoodie up and almost get it over my head, feeling my shirt underneath lifting below it.  I try straightening my back to make my posture look a little more curvy than I probably already am.  The problem I face is getting it off my head, which immediately dampers my effortlessly-sexy act into an awkward one.  I have to slip my arms out from the sleeves and push it up from underneath, messing my hair up slightly in the process.

I sneak a glance out of the corner of my eye to gauge his reaction in case he saw it.  There is none, his eyes are still glued to the screen.

Well, that was kind of a fail, I think, throwing the hoodie onto the space between us.  I'm just a bit disappointed that I can't channel my inner flirt around boys I like, but it's not the end of the world.

"Too bad, I thought you look pretty good in my hoodie," he spares me a smug grin.

I freeze up at the statement, heat rushing to my cheeks.  "I think so too," I murmur, "Maybe I should steal your jacket too."

He stops tapping on his keyboard and stares at me with an unfamiliar emotion.  I'm about to ask what he's thinking before he removes his jacket and hands it to me.  "I'd like to see that."

I almost think it's a joke, but I take it from him anyway, draping it around my shoulders without putting my arms through the sleeves.  I get the sense that it might be too big on me if I put it on.  A fresh bout of his scent comes with it, sending me into another spiral of unhealthy thoughts.

"I think the universe is trying to tell me something, because you look good in all my clothes," Bakugou leans back in the seat, looking down his nose at me.

The implication makes my heart flutter.  "Yeah, they're actually mine and you'd stolen them from me before.  Or you just have a really girlish figure."  Like hell I believe that, you were probably sculpted from stone by the gods.

"Pfft, whatever you say," he rolls his eyes and looks back his laptop, scanning over the notes he wrote down.  "So, this is the list of themes for each of the books we read for class, wanna hear it just in case it triggers something for you?"

My mind is still hung on the sculpted from the gods thought, so I absently nod  while staring at him to make him think I'm paying attention.  In reality, my thoughts wander to the pictures I'd seen of him a few nights ago, the gym mirror selfies in his tank tops.  His arms are definitely just a teaser for what he probably has underneath that shirt, and I'm betting on there being a washboard waiting for me to run my hands over, judging by the brief glance I had down his shirt earlier.

Unconsciously, my eyes trace down to his black button down.  It practically teases me, his top 2 buttons undone to expose all of his collarbone and the top of his defined chest.  I don't have to go by the low quality mirror posts on his profile or the fuzzy memories from the party, it's right there for me to see.  Flashes of me running my fingers over his neck as I nibble on his ear, rogue noises of his hypothetical sighs of bliss, my hands spreading his shirt open to allow for more space to kiss down his muscular neck.  Each new image quickens my heart rate and sends a new tremor down my body.

I'd love to just devour him.

"Hey!"

Both his voice and the rational one in my head snap me back to reality.  Did I really just-

Annoyance creases in his brow as I recompose myself and sit up straight.  "Sorry, I didn't catch the last thing," my voice comes out noticeably strained.

"What's wrong with you-"  Just like that, his face crosses with an awareness that only morphs into a smirk.  "I guess you're letting your mind wander."

My eyes widen.  Shit, he knows, I'm caught!  "No, I'm just-"

"We've only known each other for a day and you're already obsessed with me, aren't you?"  He leans forward, only to have me lean back, but he pulls the collar of his jacket on me to keep me in place.  "That might be a little unhealthy, don't you think?"

I'm staring at his descending lips, part of me holding a desire for them to quell the feeling I've locked up.

Bakugou hums low, breath caressing my face.  "I think we have some unfinished business from the other night.  You must've been thinking about that."  His gaze flickers down to my slightly agape lips before slamming his down on them.  Though it's not delicate by any means, it still feels like a tester.  Electricity shudders through me at our long-awaited reunion, and when he pulls away for a moment to look down at me with half-lidded eyes, I know he feels the same thing.

And something breaks free inside me.  I hurriedly press my lips back against his, catching him by surprise.  I take the lead, quickening the tempo of our kisses as one of my hands tangle in his soft hair, not giving either of us time to breathe.  Leaning forward into him, my stomach presses into the table corner between us, and I break away from him.  Allowing only a few pants, I jolt from my seat and round the corner to take the place of his lap and join our lips again forcibly, my knees on either side of him, pressing our bodies together against the back of the chair and swiveling into the table for stability.  He was caught off guard before, but he melts into me and allows his hands to grab my waist.

I trail my tongue onto his lower lip before tracing my lips across his jaw.  "You weren't expecting this, were you?"  I breathe against the shell of his ear, his natural musk filling my nostrils.

A low groan escape him.  "I didn't think you wanted me this much.  Must've driven you a little crazy somehow."

My hand tangled in his hair drags down his neck, my nails grazing it ever so slightly, eliciting another growl from him and his grip me tighter.  "I'll show you some of what I was just thinking about."  Starting at the base of his ear, I pepper more open-mouthed kisses down the same neck that's haunted me, sometimes tickling my tongue over the spots he  stiffens up at.

Once I reach the base of his neck, barely caressing that taunting collarbone, I move the opening in his shirt away to expose more of his chest to me, continuing up to where his shoulder and neck conjoin, remaining there to massage it with my lips and lightly graze my teeth on it.  "This little creeper wanted to taste this neck you love to flaunt."  I pull away and meet his wanton gaze.  "I wonder if I should mark it."

Calloused hands dig under my shirt as he catches his breath.  "Depends.  What kind of relationship do you want from me?"  He's holding himself back.

I never stopped to think about it.  He's a pretty great guy, we have pretty strong chemistry, and we bounce off each other really well, not to mention he's the only guy to have awakened such new feelings from me.  Looping my arms around his neck and joining our foreheads together, I mutter against his lips, "Let's go on a few dates maybe?"

He smirks and gives me another slow kiss before pulling away.  "Deal.  But let's take this slow.  I can very easily do something like this to you too, but then how will I get to know you?"

I sit back on his thighs.  "Fair point.  And, just an aside," my face gets warmer at my admittance, "I don't normally do this.  I'm usually more reserved, but you're different, I guess."

"I think you were just really thirsty for a real man," he winks, earning a shove in the chest from me.  "That was an impressive show though, I'll give you credit.  Maybe later, I can show you what goes on in my head.  Except, it's a lot more than just a few neck kisses."

I almost choke on that, my cheeks growing even hotter.

Bakugou's expression softens, the teasing disappearing.  "But before that, we can enjoy ourselves in calmer things.  Like dinner?  Or bowling?"

My chest swells with something lighter than desire.  "Sounds like a plan."

He plants a kiss on my nose.  "Okay, now get off before someone walks in on us.  It's a study room, not a make out room, creep."

I get off him and settle back into my seat.  "I think I prefer the term 'perv,' thank you very much."

#Bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #college!AU #bakugou imagine #bakugou scenario #bakugou spice #female reader #mha x reader #bnha x reader #mha fanfiction #bnha fanfiction

[sunshinesukuna]

friend activity

pairing: midorima shintarou x reader

wc: 1.2k 

genre: flangst

insp: 12:45 (Stripped) — Etham

summary: he’s always looking out for you in the most unexpected ways, even when he won’t admit it himself.

an: tb to that one time i was listening to some music on spotify and i... accidentally?? (🤡🤡🤡) saw my friend listening to a playlist her ex made??? lo and behold they walked into class the next day holding hands??? even tho my friends told her like a thousand times that he was toxic af? 🤡🤡🤡🤡 

Midorima opens the familiar green app on his phone and puts his earbuds in. His lucky item of the day. Debussy and Chopin have always done great jobs when he was anxious. The piano’s sweet melody fills his ears as he leans back in his chair. He takes a long breath. Another. Midorima scratches his head. 

The yellow light above is reflected on the frame of the photo that he took last Christmas. It was near the huge Christmas tree in the middle of town that you had begged him to see all December.

The same place where the two of you had just had your first big argument. In public, nonetheless.

He takes off his earbuds. The sheer force of his nails scratches his earlobes a little. Midorima runs his hands over his face, his glasses pushed up to rest atop his leaf green hair. No matter how many times he tries to console himself, the image of your tear-streaked face refuses to leave his mind. 

The thrumming of the rain outside does little to extinguish the dread in his gut. It only amplifies as he opens his phone, a picture of you in the rain as his wallpaper. 

"Cancers need to have a photo of their loved ones in the rain, nanodayo!" he had argued. Anyone that had tuned into Oha Asa that morning would have known that Cancers would have needed golden buttons instead. But you let Midorima have the benefit of the doubt.

Midorima has never been a man of apologies. All the problems around him would seem to just work themselves out without any interference. The last time he verbally, directly, apologized would be in second grade. Would this be another one? His foot shakes from where it hangs on his thigh. It is rhythmic, unlike his brain patterns as he tries to figure out how to jump this hurdle.

Music floods back into his ears again as he opens Spotify, this time on his laptop. The cursor lingers between “Claire de Lune” and “Air on the G String”. But his eyes have found something more interesting.

There is only one person under his “Friend Activity.” The same profile picture you use for Instagram and other social media platforms smiles up at him from the screen. The audio symbol next to your profile shows that you’re listening to music too. 

“dried teardrops 🌚” is the name of the playlist you’re playing right now. A playlist, he remembers you telling him, you only turn on when you feel the absolute worst. 

Midorima scrambles to his phone that is charging on his nightstand. He almost trips over the soft carpet as he curses himself in his mind. Carefully bandaged fingers skid along the phone's surface.

Are you ok? 

Midorima throws his phone on the bed. You’re online. Typing comes up briefly on the screen before it dissipates and is replaced by a smaller grey seen. The green bubble next to your profile disappears, signalling your inactivity.

He puts his hands on his hips and runs his fingers through his hair. It's only 9 o'clock. If he runs to your house now, you would probably just be getting ready for bed.

Had the two of you been getting along just fine, maybe you'd finish the day off with a facetime of him doing paperwork in silence, only broken when you switch apps to go back to TikTok. He would catch a brief glimpse of you laughing, and the world would turn as normal. Ok, maybe he does miss you. But only a little bit.

You haven't stopped listening to the music. The only thing that's changed is the song you're listening to. You stay on the same playlist. 

Midorima glances at the clock, then back at the profile on his laptop. With a sigh, he laces up his shoes and heads out the door. 

There's a small park near your house that's empty at this time of the night. The children at play are tucked happily in their beds. As you should be. The orange varsity jacket clad figure on the swing tells him otherwise. His varsity jacket, he notes.

The sand crunches under the footsteps behind you. The tinkle of the chains on the swing betrays your attempt to be as quiet as possible. No sudden movements, you tell yourself. Your keys are in your hand, the claw ready to deploy. You stand up a little from your seat on the swing, waiting for your moment to take off. Your other hand tugs the jacket closer to your form. 

“I’m not going to kill you, nanodayo,” a familiar voice chides. The hand holding the keys refuses to go back into your pocket. His green hair is invisible in the dark, but you would recognize his baritone from anywhere. You hastily wipe away the snot on your nose.

"How did you know I was here?" you ask. Midorima takes a step forward. He gulps, rather audibly.

"There's only one place you go to when you cry," he says. You sit back down in the swing. He moves to sit on the swing, miniscule against his hulking 6 feet and 5 inches, but he makes do. 

Your hand grips the chain holding the swing up. Midorima sighs before extending an arm. Soft bandaged fingers brush the tips of your knuckles on the chain. Before you know it, his warm chest is right in front of you, a knit grey sweater you gave him on his birthday a few months ago now becoming a makeshift handkerchief. 

He makes no movement to push you away. How could he? After pushing you on the ropes even though you were just looking out for him? The only thing left to do, Midorima concludes, is to hold you tighter. 

And so he does. Arms hardened by years of chucking basketballs in the air now gently caress your smaller ones. Eye bags under green pupils that check you up and down, making sure you're okay. Brittle fingers trained to perfection by four years of surgical residency now wipe the tears off your face as he somehow, someway, tries to make things right again. 

When you've run out of tears and stopped hyperventilating, you scoot a  little farther from Midorima. At arm's length, you can finally see him in all his late-night glory. 

"I never told you I was crying, Shintarou," you manage, each word punctuated with a soft sniffle. You burrow closer into his tall frame and hide your face away from the world's scrutinizing eyes.

"You were listening to your crying playlist, dummy," he says. It's good that you're not looking straight into his eyes, lest you see the pink hue on his cheeks. Maybe he even pulls you closer to him to hide it even more. You giggle at your boyfriend's unexpected attentiveness. 

Midorima pulls you away from him. You whimper a bit at the loss of warmth, but are instantly placated at him tugging your jacket tighter around you. A long arm finds its home around your waist. "Now come on. We have outpatients to see tomorrow. Can't have a drowsy doctor at work, nanodayo."

He never really says the words "I'm sorry" or something along the lines, but the basket labelled This week's lucky items for you in his doctor's handwriting on your desk the next morning does most of the talking for him, anyways. 

a/n: do y'all like the header 🌚🌚

sometimes you can choose not to be a dick

#Midorima Shintarou #midorima shintarou x reader #shintarou midorima x reader #Shintaro Midorima #midorima #shintarou #shutoku #kuroko no basket #the basketball which kuroko plays #kuroko no basket imagines #kuroko no basket x reader #knb #knb x reader #knb scenarios #knb imagines #knb midorima #knb fluff #knb angst #midorima fluff #midorima angst #lucky items

[sylvesterlestermanchester]

Fearfully and Wonderfully

Summary: Dan wasn’t entirely sure what he was going to experience when he starts his first semester at Uni, but he was pretty sure an incredibly sheltered Catholic boy stealing his heart wasn’t on his list of typical college tropes.

Word Count: 12401

Genre: Humor, fluff, angst. All mixed together. Fun times!

Warnings: Conversion therapy, homophobia, brief allusions to sex and genitals. One puke joke?

A/N: This is my first ever published fic-I’ve been writing for literally years little bits and pieces, but COVID has me going crazy and I just wanted to put some effort into an actual thing. Thanks for reading!

-

Dan wasn’t sure what he was expecting when he walked through the door to his dorm the first time, parents and sullen little brother in tow. All of his knowledge about Uni had been from TV and movies-maybe he would have some frat guy in the bed across from him, or maybe a stoner, or maybe a weird silent dude who will disappear after the first week and let Dan put their beds together so they would actually fit his gangly body.

What he isn’t expecting is to have an eight-year-old girl bodyslam herself into his legs, followed by a loud groan and a sharp voice scolding “Suzanne, we told you to stop running!”

Dan’s eyes look down at the (quickly retreating) girl and blinks a few times as he takes in the scene in front of him. There are way too many people in the crowded room right now-he counts two identical boys, both around 10, bouncing on the stiff dorm bed, one pre-teen digging through a cardboard box, a girl around Adrian’s age whispering something to an older woman with a toddler in her arms, standing next to a quiet-looking tall man, and, of course, the eight-year-old, now having been scooped up by a sheepish looking guy around Dan’s age who’s giving him an apologetic smile. This must be the Philip Lester on his room assignment form. “Sorry. My family is kind of, erm, excited.” He says with a small, nervous laugh and sets the girl aside before sticking out a hand to shake. “I’m Phil! You must be, um...Daniel, right?”

Dan takes a second to readjust the bags in his arms to shake Phil’s hand awkwardly, trying not to look too overwhelmed at the scene in front of him. “Dan’s fine.”

The kids have all frozen in place, staring at Dan with wide eyes like Dan just sprouted a second head. There’s a few long beats of silence as Phil shakes his hand just a little too enthusiastically for just a bit too long. 

Finally, Phil’s mum places a hand on her son’s shoulder, beaming brightly. “It’s so great our boys will be living together!” She cheers to Dan’s mum, who looks a bit bewildered. Ms. Lester gently takes a few of Dan’s bags and sets them on the bed, continuing to chatter on. “Come on, we can unpack while you two get to know each other better. I need to know who my son is going to be rooming with, right?” She continues to babble in a thick northern drawl as Dan glances back at his parents, who look like they’re about to bolt for the door and leave their son to be swallowed whole by these people.

“You’re rooming with an absolute freak,” Adrian mumbles in his ear with a small smirk. “Karma is a bitch, huh?” “Shut up.” Dan hisses back through his teeth, trying to look as interested as possible as Phil’s mum keeps talking. 

“The weather here is so nice-it’s already getting cold up in Rossendale, can you believe it? Max and Adam were running around outside, and I was so scared they were gonna catch cold, you know how quickly little ones do. Oh, the drive here was wonderful-” “We saw cows!” One of the kids butts in, and suddenly they’re all talking, any nervousness they had around the strangers suddenly vanishing.

“And horses!” “We got hamburgers, and there was this huge truck-it had to have, like, forty wheels-” Phil seems to take after his dad, quietly but quickly unpacking since his siblings have seemingly given up on it in favor of telling Dan’s family every detail of the six-hour car ride. At one point he makes eye contact with Phil, who gives him an apologetic look, his cheeks flushed and an embarrassed grin on his face as the kids chatter along excitedly like they’ve never talked to another person before.

Finally, right when Dan feels like his ears are going to fall off, Phil speaks up again. “I-I think I can get this from here, guys. Mum, Dad, why don’t we go out for a walk before we say goodbye? I know you guys want to see the geese on campus, right?” The kids all cheer like geese are the most exciting thing on Earth, scrambling for the door. Phil’s mum gives Dan a tight hug and Phil’s dad, still not having spoken a single word, even gives his shoulder an uncomfortable pat before they head out. The small space suddenly feels vast and empty, and the silence is almost tangible. “Well. They seemed...friendly.” Dan’s mum says after a few moments, his dad snorting. 

“You’re in for quite a year, huh, kid?” He jokes. Dan laughs weakly, but in all honesty, it doesn’t seem that funny. 

Just what did he get himself into?

-

Dan’s curled up in his bed when Phil finally comes back a few hours later, giving Dan that same crooked, shy grin from earlier. Now that it’s just him and not him with (presumably) his entire Brady Bunch-style family, he can get a better look at his roommate. He’s tall, about an inch taller than Dan, and lanky. His black jeans are just a bit high on his ankles, and his faded green shirt clings to his skinny frame. As Dan’s eyes travel higher he takes in his flushed cheeks, his blue eyes wide behind his oversized glasses, all behind shaggy black hair that doesn’t match his ginger eyebrows-ginger like every other family member of his. Dan suddenly feels a bit self-conscious in his Game of Thrones pajamas and old school shirt, pulling his covers up a bit higher as he takes in the other young man with a strange feeling in his chest. He’s definitely different than anyone Dan’s ever known. But damn, if he isn’t cute.

“Sorry if my family was a lot today.” He says after a slight moment of silence, a slight giggle slipping out as he walks over to one of the boxes on his side of the room. “I’m the first to go to Uni out of my brothers and sisters, so my parents decided to, like, make it into a whole thing.”

The memory of the chaos is still fresh in Dan’s mind, but hearing Phil talk about it, he can’t help but smile a bit as well. “I’m the oldest, so I get it. And they were nice. Your siblings are very...uh, talkative.” He says slowly, trying not to sound rude, but Phil’s giggling again before he can worry too much about it.

“We’re from kind of the middle of nowhere, so they’re just excited to see, like, humans outside of Rossendale for the first time.” Phil joked as he started reorganizing some of the things his siblings had just sort of dumped around the room. “Plus, they don’t usually get sugar, but they had soda on the way here. So they were practically about to explode by the time we pulled in. They just exploded all of that excitement onto you.” 

Dan can’t help but laugh a bit at that as he watches Phil set some thick books up one way and then rearranges them. “Oh, Jesus. That car ride must have been nuts.” Phil looks over his shoulder, grinning wider now. He looks more and more relaxed each minute, as if he was just as nervous about Dan as Dan was about him. “You have no idea, oh my gosh. They were already wound up for today, and then there was soda, and Max and Alex-they get carsick even worse than I do, and then Suzanne had to pee, like, forty times an hour, and Mum was all weepy...this has been the longest day of my life.” He joked, laughing along with Dan. 

Even though Dan can’t connect any of the kids to their names, he feels like he knows them decently well. In fact, as the conversation drifts into more goofy road trip stories, Dan’s surprised with just how close he feels to Phil like they’ve known each other before they even met.

It’s strange, he finds. But then again, Phil’s pretty strange, after all.

-

Dan doesn’t fully realize how strange Phil is until the next day. There’s a few hints-Dan makes a reference to some TikTok audio and Phil admits he’s never used it before, staring in awe as Dan scrolls through his ForYou Page for him.  When they head off to orientation in one of the lecture halls, Phil’s head jolts up and his face flushes bright red when one of the countless speakers jokingly curses (if you can count “ass” as a curse-Dan honestly can’t). But it’s not until they’re out at the quad with some of their new peers for lunch when Chris turns to Phil and asks if he went to the school his cousin went to up north. “Oh, I didn’t go to school.” Phil says with a bright smile, before quickly adding “I mean-I was homeschooled. So I just kinda did the work when I wanted to.”

“Your parents homeschooled you? Didn’t Dan say you had, like, twenty siblings?” Louise questions as they all turn to look at Phil. Dan feels a migraine coming on just imagining being home with all of those kids all bloody day, though he can actually picture Mrs. Lester teaching them all pretty well. Phil laughed a bit, cheeks flushing pink as he looked down at his sandwich. 

“We all were. My mum and dad didn’t like the schools in our area-they wanted us to be more connected to the church, said that “our values weren’t instilled in traditional education’.” He explained with a small shrug. When PJ raised an eyebrow at that Phil pulled a small cross necklace out from under his shirt. “I’m Catholic. I actually have plans for Seminary after getting my bachelor’s-so if you’re planning on getting married, I’m taking bookings now.” Phil’s last comment was clearly meant to lighten up the mood, but it’s obvious that the subject matter was making the group a little uncomfortable, considering they all just met. Dan’s mentally running through Phil’s belongings in their dorm-were all those books Bibles? Was he going to start hanging crosses everywhere? Or make him wake up early on Sundays? 

Before his brain could spiral out further Chris blurted out “So, were you raised in a Jesus bubble or something?” Louise smacks his arm but Phil giggled. “I-I have been told I’ve lived a bit of a sheltered life before, yeah.” “Were you allowed...TV?” PJ asks slowly, eyes widening when Phil shook his head.

“Not cable. We could watch DVDs, but they had to be approved, so it was usually educational. I know a lot of animal facts, actually. Did you know hippo-”

“What about the internet?” Louise cuts him off.

“Not after my older brother got caught Googling “bikini girls” when he was 10.” Phil joked lightly. “But even before that, my mum was pretty anti-internet. If I really needed it for school or whatever, I’d go down to the library.”

“No Harry Potter?” “Promotes witchcraft. Apparently. I haven’t read it for myself, but-”

“Dating?” “Not without serious intention to marry-and I’m not exactly ready for that, so-” “Running water?” “You know what’s funny?” Phil says, giggling a bit and bringing his knees loosely to his chest. “You guys think I’m weird, which is totally understandable. But your guys’ lives before this sound weird to me, too. Like-Chris, you got to play video games as a kid, right? And I was taught that those would turn me into some homicidal maniac. Dan, I saw you have a horoscope app-that’s the occult, so that’s a huge no-no.” Wow, okay. Before Dan could feel too offended, though, and Chris could jump in, Phil keeps going. “But, like, I get that you’re not a witch, or Chris, you’re not gonna chop me up into little pieces when I’m sleeping. There’s gotta be some middle ground here, right? So...you guys could show me how to live more like you, and maybe you guys would be more interested in what I’m into?”

There’s a small silence that falls across the group before a wicked grin slowly appears on Louise’s face.

“What do you want to learn first?”

-

The next few weeks are a bit of a whirlwind for Dan. Between classes, hanging out with new friends, homework, scrambling to find a job, remembering to text his mum and let her know he hasn’t died, he’s barely able to keep his head on straight. But the time he spends trying to introduce Phil to the “real world” is some of his favorite. 

Phil had set some ground rules-nothing that could kill him or ruin his life if it got out on social media. If he got too uncomfortable, he was allowed to tap out, but he’d give it an honest attempt. And nothing Satanic. (Dan had laughed until he realized by the look on his face that he wasn’t joking).

Granted, their friend group hadn’t done a great job at the start. PJ thought it would be hilarious to let Phil start with some “iconic reading material”. 

Dan had been in class when they had presented the book to him, and the two were in their respective beds when Dan heard a shocked gasp from Phil’s side of the room.

“You good, mate?” He rolled over, watching as Phil sat upright and started flipping through the pages. “Do-Do you know about this book?” He asked, face turning impossibly redder as he held up the cover for Dan. 50 Shades of Gray. As Dan burst out laughing, his roommate whined playfully.

“What-Phil, who gave this to you?” “PJ said it was necessary reading!”

“PJ is a dunce. Give it here, I’ll protect you from the big bad book.” Dan teases, but Phil quickly shoves the book into his hands like it’s on fire. 

“I’m gonna have nightmares about ties and rich men for weeks.” He grumbled playfully, curling up on his bed and reaching for his phone. “I’m never trusting Peej again.” 

Louise turns full maternal the next day when he struggles to recount the experience in polite language (Dan holding back laughter), and she decides to go the complete opposite way, launching a mission to, as she put it, “reshape Phil’s lost childhood”. Phil lightly pushes back against wording, because he feels like he had quite a nice childhood, thank you very much. 

Still, Louise comes over a couple of nights later, armed with her laptop.

“They couldn’t come up with a more creative name than “High School Musical”?” Phil teased gently as she pulled it up on her screen.

“Phil, you sweet boy, High School Musical is a cultural milestone that you need experience. So no backtalk!”

“Whatever you say.” He said, sitting on the other side of her and holding a bowl of popcorn in his lap.

They watch the first movie, and then the second, and then Phil’s begging to watch the third. As the final song plays Dan glances over and sees that Phil has his head ducked down, shoulders shaking gently.

“Phil?” Louise asks gently right as a choked sob erupts from him. She lets out a yelp as Phil flings his arms around her neck, laughing shakily. “It was just...Troy chose basketball and music…both of his passions...” He blubbers out, nuzzling into her shoulder as she coos. “You’re so weird, hon. You know that?” Once he’s calmed down enough (when Dan offers him a hug the waterworks start up all over again, sniffling. “So. Is that what your guys’ school was like?”

Louise and Dan glance at each other before bursting into laughter, only stopping a couple of minutes later when Louise turns to Phil once more. “If you liked High School Musical, you’re going to love this show Victorious…”

Of course, it’s not all smutty books and (incredible) movie trilogies. 

Being homeschooled meant that all Phil knows is doing school when he feels like it. Lucky for Phil, he’s a huge nerd, so homework and studying actually excite him. The problem is, these things tend to excite him at 3 in the morning, and he actually has classes to go to now outside of his room. 

By day three of no sleep, Phil swears Dan’s grown wings, and Dan intervenes. They make up a rules sheet-bedtime is 2AM, wake up at 10AM, eat three meals a day, no more than five cups of coffee a day (of all the vices Phil was deprived of, caffeine was clearly not one of them-Dan’s never seen anyone drink more coffee in his life). He gets him down to one all-nighter a week, and in turn, Phil wakes him up each morning and helps him with schoolwork so Dan doesn’t have to face going to the tutoring center. It turns out that Phil’s kind of a genius, despite never being in a classroom until a couple of weeks prior.

Chris is the one who convinces Phil to get social media, telling him that “only serial killers and old people” don’t. Phil’s not the greatest at it at first (there’s a lot of pictures uploaded on accident to his Instagram stories and nonsense tweets), but he slowly gets more used to it, getting his terrible puns and weird things he sees on campus out to the world (all 20 of his followers).

Dan can’t help but get slightly annoyed when Phil’s phone is shoved in his face to choose a filter of some stupid looking goose that’s close to attacking him, but the look of pure elation that Phil gets when someone sends a dog meme in their group chat is enough to warm his heart in ways he didn’t want to address fully but knew he couldn’t ignore.

There’s so much to teach him, and it seems like each day something pops up. Still, Dan’s surprised by Phil’s world, too. 

First, he brings them to a non-denominational bible study group. PJ groaned quietly as Phil handed them all cheap paperback Bibles before they entered the church.

“Can’t we do something a bit more...fun? With less reading?”

“If you don’t like it, you don’t have to do it again,” Phil said with a grin, rocking back and forth on his heels. “And if you like it-which hopefully, you will-we can come back once a week, and I’ll get you some nicer Bibles. These are just to start out with.”

Louise forces a small “yay” as they head inside, Phil leading them through the sanctuary with a happy sigh before taking them down some stairs, where a young woman sits in front of a small arrangement of chairs. “Phil, you brought your friends!” The woman cheers and Phil laughs happily. “Caroline-this is Dan, PJ, Chris, and Lou. They’re new to all this, so we’ll go easy this week?” He joked lightly, and Caroline nods, asking them about their religious beliefs.

“Uh, went to church a few times with my Nan. Atheist.” Dan says, biting his lip. He never actually said the “a'' word around Phil, and he’s a bit nervous that he’s going to suddenly flip out, but he still seems just as excited as when he walked in.

“Atheist. Never been-parents hate churches. Can I still grab snacks?” Chris adds and Caroline laughs, nodding.

“I’m a little complicated, but it’s basically just hippie church.” PJ says, shrugging. “Singing and chanting and all.”

“I go about once a month-I’m Episcopal, officially, but I’ve been to other churches too.” Louise gently smiled, and with that, the group got started. They went around and talked about their weeks, a few upcoming events, a prayer, and then Caroline instructed them to get their books. Phil pulled a well-worn leather Bible out of his bag, and Dan’s eyes widened a bit when he opened it. There are post-it notes everywhere, with entire passages highlighted and notes covering practically every margin in Phil’s stupidly perfect handwriting. It’s clear that Phil’s spent a lot of time with the book.

“Since we have guests, I figured we’d take a break from our reading of Matthew and focus on a couple of specific verses today,” Caroline says brightly. “James 1:13-15: “Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.”

There’s a slight pause and Chris furrows his eyebrows. “Huh?” “In simple terms-don’t say God isn’t the one to tempt you, because when you stray off His path, that’s on you.” One of the group members explains. “And if you do sin, it’ll lead to, uh, death.”

“Well, does God not tempt us to do bad things by putting so much pressure on us to be perfect?” A girl with blue hair jumps in, raising an eyebrow. “He sets the standard so high. Sometimes I’m just like, ‘Chill, dude. I can’t do everything. I’m not you.’ “

PJ snorts at that, giggling. “You call God dude?” They’re all laughing now, but Dan can’t believe it-he wants to jump in.

“Can I ask a dumb question?” His voice is a bit quiet but inquisitive. “Isn’t God supposed to be loving and forgiving? Why does He want you guys to be perfect? That sounds kind of...harsh.”

“Well, He knows we’re not perfect.” Phil says, and another guy nods.

“He asks for us to be because it strives us to be better. And it teaches us that messing up is okay.” The conversation keeps up for a bit before Caroline interrupts, asking them to focus on the latter half of the passage.

PJ narrows his eyes at the text before looking up. “Am I really gonna die if I sin?” “Well, sin was what led us away from eternal life in the first place-Adam and Eve kinda messed that up for us.”

“Yeah, but our personal sins can lead us to death, too. Not just old sins. That’s what God’s warning us about here.”

“Not every sin does, though. Like mixed-fabric shirts.” Louise grinned a little. “Or grabbing dudes by their nads during fights.” PJ’s eyes widened and he turned to Phil. “Are those actual rules?!” “It was a different time!” Phil giggled as he watched him flip through the pages quickly.

“Where does it say we can’t grab nads?’ “Can we stop saying nads in church?” Phil pointed out, still laughing despite his red face.

Caroline tuts and wags a finger playfully. “Uh-uh, Philip. No judgment. They can talk about nads all they want, now.”

The entire room is laughing again as Phil buries his face in his hands. Finally, when he controls his giggles, Caroline speaks again. “Do you think talking about that kind of stuff in church is a sin, Phil?”

It’s teasing at first, but Phil actually thinks about it for a moment.

“Well...my household was pretty strict growing up. I mean, I got yelled at once for just sneezing during church.” He admits slowly and Dan’s eyebrows furrow a little. He can’t imagine either of Phil’s parents yelling at him, or anyone, really. “But I get why it was. They wanted me to love God, and respect Him, just like they loved and respected me and I loved and respected them. So I think if you do things with love, genuine love, it’s not a sin. But if you do things out of hate, or anger, or with the intention of hurting, that’s a sin. And that’s not automatically bad-like T’andra said, we’re all gonna make mistakes. Just keep on acting with love, and I think you’re good.” There’s a pause, and Dan’s face flushes slightly. Not just at how much Phil was saying “love”, but the words he spoke, and the true thought and passion behind them. 

The moment is cut short when PJ snorts. “So if I love nads, I can talk about them to Jesus?”

By the time the room is back under control, the group is over. “Y’know, that was actually pretty fun.” Chris said after they had all grabbed snacks and talked to everyone. 

“It was! It was like...philosophical debate.” Dan said. “The real nitty-gritty. The topics of good, evil, life, death, corruption-” Louise shoved him gently. “So deep, Dan. Of course you enjoyed it.” She joked lightly before adding “No offense, Phil!” Phil doesn’t seem to care-he’s grinning so wide it must be hurting his cheeks, and Dan would be lying if he isn’t tempted to start reading the whole Bible from cover to cover just to see him grin like that again.

Phil also manages to bring them to actual church services a couple of times (though getting college students out of bed before noon on a weekend proves to be a practically impossible task). 

Dan has to admit he’s not as impressed with this as he is with the study group. The group is fun-they can all talk, and laugh, and actually discuss the points. Church is...not. They sit on hard pews. They listen. They stand and sit and kneel and stand and sit and kneel. They sing a few songs, and while Phil’s quiet baritone makes Dan’s sore knees quiver, it’s not enough to really warrant him waking up at 8AM on a weekend. 

Phil is politely understanding of this, though it’s clear that this is of certain importance to him that his friends might not ever understand. It’s admirable if nothing else.

Other than storytelling from his childhood (which does little to make him seem more normal, honestly) and the weekly study, though, Phil doesn’t talk too much about the church to his other friends. Dan, however, is different. Maybe it’s just the fact that they live together and their space is more shared, but Phil opens up to Dan a bit more about it. He reads passages and verses to Dan, he prays in front of him, and he answers his questions in a non-condescending way. Dan has to admit that while he likes what Phil says, he can’t find himself connecting to it in the way Phil has, with his entire heart and soul. But Dan can admire the stories and the way his friend sees the world, and this new world that he’s entering with him.

It’s been a month of them being friends when Dan realizes that he’s seeing the world in two ways-Dan’s universe, and Phil’s universe. They’re so different, but (and he’s sure he’d never admit this out loud) Dan prefers when their universes collide. 

When Dan comes home after a long day of classes and working at the campus bookstore, he’s exhausted. The soft music fades through the room as he opens the door to find Phil chewing on a pen, looking just as anxious as him. “I think my brain is leaking out my ears,” Phil said wearily, looking over the top of his glasses at Dan. “Do I have brain on my desk?” Dan snorts and rolls his eyes, reaching over and grabbing his textbook. “We need a break. And you need sleep-I know you took that second all-nighter last night, rule-breaker.” “Fine. Watch something with me?” He says after a moment, grabbing his laptop. They load up an episode of Zoey101 (they’d finished Victorious the week before) and hit play.

As the bars from the theme song fade out, Dan suddenly feels a strange pressure on his shoulder. He glances over and finds Phil with his cheek pressed to Dan’s shoulder, glasses sliding down his nose as he lets out a soft snore. Dan pauses the show, and for a brief moment, it’s just the two of them. Dan and Phil. 

He lives for those moments: Getting coffee after a class. Sending each other memes. Trying new food at the dining hall. Brief greetings in the halls. Shared looks as they hang out with their friend group.

It’s been a month of them being friends when Dan realizes he's never fallen quite this hard before. He doesn’t just want to make out, all hot and heavy, or go further than just that. He just wants this-Dan and Phil-forever, even just as friends. He didn’t expect to find that in this pale, bible-banging weirdo, but now that he does he never wants to let him go.

-

Dan’s getting that feeling now more and more, the Dan and Phil feeling when they’re in the study group a few weeks later. They’re both sat towards the back, trying (and failing) to hold back laughter as they’re hunched over Dan’s Bible.

“I have compared thee, O my love, to a company of horses in Pharaoh's chariots. Thy cheeks are comely with rows of jewels, thy neck with chains of gold. We will make thee borders of gold with studs of silver…” Phil says under his breath in a low, gravelly tone. 

Dan turns to the next page. “O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the stairs, let me see thy countenance, let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice, and thy countenance is comely. Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines: for our vines have tender grapes!” He whispers, still trying to make his voice sound high-pitched.

“Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes within thy locks: thy hair is as a flock of goats, that appear from mount Gilead. Thy teeth are like a flock of sheep that are even shorn, which came up from-”

“Dan, Phil, I’m guessing you both are whispering about how excited you are about our retreat at Camp Brabeck?”

The two both fall silent, Dan quickly glancing between Phil and Caroline, her smile wearing a bit thin from having to call them out. Phil’s eyes are wide, suddenly all signs of laughter gone. “Camp Brabeck?” He squeaks out, and the leader nods.

“On our upcoming four-day weekend. It’s up North, so it’ll be a bit of a drive, but we’ve already got the vans rented out and everything.” She says before noticing Phil’s sudden change in demeanor. “Phil, you’re from around there, actually. Have you been before?”

Phil blinks a few times before nodding, curling up into his seat a little. “O-Oh. Well, I actually did, once, but-”

“Great! So you’ll be down to come, right? We’ve got more space in the van, and it’ll be fun…” Caroline says hopefully, not letting him argue as he starts shaking his head. “Plus, if you’ve already been there, you can tell us all about it! C’mon, this is right up your alley. I think you’ll-” “I’ll go if Dan does.” Phil blurts out suddenly, looking nervously over at. Dan’s definitely confused now-Phil loves the outdoors. He loves this group. He loves-well, to be fair, Phil seems to love most things. He’s racking his brain trying to figure out what it could be, but he just can’t, and now all eyes are on him, and-

“I mean...as long as someone brings bug spray.” Dan says slowly, Caroline beaming and writing on her clipboard before talking excitedly about the campground. The two stay quiet, Dan focusing on Phil’s eyes trained on her and hands gripping his Bible so tightly that his knuckles turn white.

The minute the group ends Phil makes a beeline to the door, walking so fast that Dan can’t catch up without actually chasing him. Dan’s phone dings a short moment later:

Sorry 2 run! Had 2 catch up w some1 4 a thing. Thx 4 signing up w me ^_^ - Phil!

Dan furrows his eyebrows, and not for the normal reason of Phil’s stupid abbreviations and the fact he insists upon signing all his texts. He’s trying to piece the pieces together from the few characters on his screen when Louise puts a hand on his shoulder. “So what was all that about?” She asks with a raised eyebrow, giggling a bit as she gives his arm a light squeeze. “What did you show him that spooked him so bad?” Before Dan can speak, Chris is at his side.

“He’s just embarrassed that Dan was flirting with him during the Jesus Power Hour.” “Dan, were you?” Louise gasped teasingly, and Dan sputters a bit, sliding his phone into his jacket pocket. “Chris-what?! No, no, I wasn’t flirting. I wasn’t! He just-when she mentioned the retreat-and the camp-” Dan’s face is bright red now, suddenly the words from Solomon seem a lot less goofy and a lot more...romantic, to outsiders, with their heads bowed together with dumb grins on their faces. 

Louise and Chris shoot Dan equally doubtful looks. “Dan-” She starts, but Dan grits his teeth.

“We’re not-neither of us are like that.” He snaps. As she steps back and Chris raises an eyebrow, guilt starts to pool in his stomach, but he can’t stop. “For one, I’m not gay, and two, Phil is gonna be a priest, remember? Aren’t they, like, sworn to celibacy?”

Chris and Louise glance at each other. “Mate...chill, yeah? We were just joking. We know you’re not...y’know.” “Good.” Dan said before turning and stomping up the steps, the unnerving sense that the painting of Jesus had his eyes following him the whole way.

A few minutes later, Dan is sitting in the back garden of the church that Phil helps tend to after services, the wind whipping through his hair. Usually, he’d be walking to a Starbucks with Phil, discussing that session’s theme in-depth and watching Phil’s face turn pink as Dan releases the string of expletives he’s been holding in for an entire hour. The expletives are running through his head at top speed, as he spends about three minutes crafting the perfect text message. 

hey, i’m sorry if i weirded you out today! didn’t mean to haha. i was goofing off way too much and i know you take these meetings p seriously. i’ll take it more seriously next time and not distract you

Dan hits send after rereading it about a million times, groaning audibly as he does. It’s not exactly a “Sorry I have a crush on you and made you seem gay but I get you’ll never like me and that’s fine I just wanna spend all my time with you”, but it’s the best he can do.

No worries! OMGosh I was just embarrassed 2 b called out like that hahaha! 0_o <= Literally my face. I was def the 1 who was whispering 2 loud. Lol! -Phil!

dude, it was totally on me. Dan texts back, chewing on his bottom lip. Phil had looked pretty freaked out, but if he was fine, maybe they could just...move past it? really, i started it. 

Noooooooo! I take all the blame. I had some cookies b4 group and I was on major sugar rush. Btw...I had some of those cookies ur nan sent! Sorry, I’ll buy some snacks 4 us. Ask her to send more, tho? So good <3 Thank u! Take dancing men as an apology (/-_-)/ |(-_-|) -Phil!

okay, seriously, who taught you to text like this? my head hurts trying to decipher everything

DANCING MEN 4 U (/-_-)/ |(-_-\) ~(*-*)~ (/-_-)/ |(-_-\) -Phil!

you’re ridiculous. Dan can’t help but laugh, in spite of the churning feeling in his stomach. He drops his phone onto the grass next to him and looks up at the sky. 

“If you know Phil so well, big guy, what do I do?” He asks before he can stop himself, before pausing. Half of him expects a thunderstorm to start, and him to get struck by lightning, or a rainbow to leap across the sky and the clouds to part to show Phil’s shining face as the sun. But after a few long moments of silence, Dan realizes he’s not going to get any divine intervention and groans. 

“Well...let me know when you figure it out.”

-

The next couple of weeks go by quickly. Everything seems normal-they go to classes, they go to work, they go to group, they goof off. The four-day weekend creeps upon them, but before they know it the whole group is up at 6AM standing in front of a huge white van.

“This isn’t cult-ish at all.” PJ yawns, chucking his duffle bag into the trunk. Louise sips her coffee and squints over at Phil.

“This has to be a sin, you know. Not giving a girl her beauty sleep.” Usually, Phil would spout something about “being beautiful in His eyes”, but right now he’s getting the same sense of panic in his eyes that he had when the camp was first mentioned, laughing weakly as he adjusts his glasses. Dan is just awake enough to get the sense that Phil has been repressing the idea of the trip until this exact moment, but he also knows just how to fix it. He had been stockpiling on Phil knowledge for this exact moment.

Phil jumps a bit as Dan nudges him. “Relax. Listen, I know what’s up.” He says quietly, watching as his friend’s eyes widen and a blush spreads across his cheeks.

“What?!” Phil yelps a bit as Dan gently leads him away from the rest of the group. “I mean...what do you know? What’s up?” He asks quietly, fiddling with the strap of his messenger bag.

Dan holds back a fond noise as he smiles gently, shaking his head. “No need to be embarrassed, Phil. My mom went through the same thing for years.” As Phil looks more and more concerned, wringing his hands, Dan digs in his own backpack for a moment before pulling out a small box of Dramamine and handing it to him. “So you don’t upchuck all over us.”

There’s a beat as Phil stares down at the box, eyes wide, and Dan almost thinks he’s got it wrong. Does Phil not get carsick? Was he insulted? Was he really that embarrassed by it?

Phil finally starts to giggle, but it seems more relieved than anything. He nudges Dan lightly and opens his mouth to speak.

“Ah, Dan and Phil! The dynamic duo. You two can sit in the back with the bags!” Caroline’s voice cuts through whatever Phil’s about to say, and he turns to Dan with a small shrug. 

“Looks like it’ll just be you I puke on.” He says, a slight grin on his face as he pulls the door open for Dan, who rolls his eyes but steps in “Gotta get you a poncho for the splash zone.” Dan gags playfully before squeezing in to sit next to Phil amongst all the bags, rolling his eyes and plugging his earbuds in before holding out one bud to Phil and turning on their shared playlist-a mix of indie, Christian rock, (mostly clean) emo jams, and Disney Channel top hits. It’s not the most welcoming thing to listen to at 6AM, but if it keeps Phil calm and Dan from actually needing a poncho, he’ll welcome it.

The majority of the drive is spent in and out of sleep for Dan, guitar chords and vocals bouncing around his sleep-deprived brain. He’s not fully conscious until around noon when they’re about an hour away from the camp. The roads are getting twisty, and it’s then that he notices that Phil has his eyes screwed shut and face scrunched up, both hands shoved into his messenger bag. It only takes a slight peek for Dan to see his fingers curled tightly around his well-worn Bible, and he bites his lip. 

Phil talks about leaps of faith a lot in group. Dan doesn’t quite get it, but he’s pretty sure he’s taking one when he slides his hand into the other’s bag and gently coaxes Phil’s hand into his own. The young man stiffens up for a moment before turning to stare at Dan with wide eyes.

“Shush. It’ll help nausea.” Dan mumbles, his own face red and praying that Phil won’t ask how exactly it will. There’s a pause before Phil smiles weakly, turning his face away, and Dan is about five seconds away from opening the van door and hurtling himself onto the road.

Phil’s probably just been playing nice, and now Dan’s gone and made it uncomfortable for the both of them, and Phil can’t even look at him. Dan’s whole body turns hot, but right before he can pull away, he feels Phil’s slender fingers intertwine with his own.

It’s not the first time they’ve held hands-they do it at the start and end of study groups, and at church, and that one time Phil got them all to hold hands while standing on a hill to reenact the ending of High School Musical 2 for his Instagram. Dan was a bit flustered then, too. But this is different. It’s...intimate. Phil’s never held his hand with such need before, fingers locked with his and palm quivering gently as he mouths a silent “thank you.” Dan feels his entire body buzz, and he can’t help but close his eyes and try to focus on the music and not the fact that he feels like he’s literally twelve years old.

The rest of the ride somehow takes an eternity and only a minute before the van stops, Chris bemoaning his hunger loudly and the rest chattering excitedly. Phil finally opens his eyes and turns to Dan, slowly pulling his hand away. 

They both look at their hands, and then back at each other. There’s a long pause before he opens his mouth, and Dan’s heart starts pounding so hard he’s surprised Phil can’t hear it.

All that Dan has thought about them staying platonic goes out the window. Dan wants nothing more than to lunge forward and shove his lips against Phil’s, to run his hands through his hair, to climb into his lap and- “I didn’t puke!” Phil blurts out loudly, loud enough that everyone hears. The group falls silent before one of the other young men, Raz, gives Phil a thumbs up. “Good for you, bud. C’mon, let’s get these bags up to the cabin, and then we can get some food to celebrate.” Phil laughs a bit too hard at that, face bright red. As he clamors out of the van he leaves Dan in the backseat, trying to climb over the mountain of bags as he watches his friend chatter away as if nothing happened. He watches for a moment before shaking his head quickly, trying to erase the memory from his mind. He was just making things more complicated than they needed to be. They didn’t share a moment. No way.

Dan hauls his bag over his shoulder and walks along with PJ and Lou, struggling to stop the loop of those ten seconds from playing in his head.

-

Dan liked that the Bible study group wasn’t too Jesus-y. It was more philosophical than anything. Even church was just an hour a week on the weeks he went, which was really only once a month when Phil promised brunch afterward.

This weekend, he and his friends had realized, seemed to be where the group could get enough Jesus to last them until the next retreat. It started with grace before lunch-simple enough. But then a pastor had started to preach to them during lunch. And then after lunch. And then afternoon Bible study-for two hours, with a lot more reading and praying than actual discussion. Pj, Chris, and Louise were clearly trying not to fall asleep, while Phil sat off a bit, eyes trained on either the priest or his Bible, hugging himself tightly as he stayed completely silent.

“It’s just so boring!” Louise groaned once they were all finally outside and out of earshot. “I’m sorry, I know this is what you want to do with the rest of your life, Phil, but we’re in nature! Why are we just stuck in some stuffy room listening to an old dude read for hours when we can see the cool stuff God apparently built for us?” “God wants me to climb some of those rocks over there.” PJ agreed, snapping a few pictures on his phone. “He tried to call me earlier to tell me so, but reception sucks here.”

Phil laughed a bit, but it’s definitely more hollow than his normal giggles. “I’m sorry, I-I really thought-”

“Wait. Haven’t you been here before?” Louise asked as PJ started jogging over to the huge rocks, Chris following shortly after. Phil paused before rubbing the back of his neck. “I-I mean, yeah, but-” 

They’re both cut off by someone calling Phil’s name, and he whirls around to see the priest-the same “old dude” Louise had just been insulting-walk over and clap a hand on Phil’s shoulder. “Philip, you must have grown a full foot since I last saw you!” Dan glances over at Phil with a slightly surprised look. He knew Phil had been here before, sure. But to know this man? Someone who seemed so different from Phil in so many ways?

“O-Oh, Father Richard. Hey. Guys, Father Richard worked at the camp I came to a-a couple of years ago.” “And Philip was one of the finest boys there, wasn’t he?” If the man notices Phil shift from one foot to the other nervously, he sure doesn’t show it. “I mean, they were all wonderful young men, don’t get me wrong. But Philip-you’re truly going to be a man of the cloth. Don’t you both think?” Dan is watching Father Richard’s face closely, immediately feeling himself wanting to leave the conversation as soon as possible. If it wasn’t for Phil, he’d have made an excuse and walked off by now. It seems like Louise isn’t thrilled, either, but she smiles and nods a bit. “It’s clearly his passion, uh, Father Richard.”

“Oh, absolutely. As long as he keeps his head out of the clouds.” He throws his head back and laughs, Phil’s grin looking more like a grimace as he chuckles along. “I swear, this boy would lose his head if it wasn’t attached to him!” “I think Phil’s pretty smart, actually.” Dan says suddenly, a good bit of bite to his tone. He’s not sure why, but something about this guy gives him the creeps. He stares him in the eyes as he gets a surprised look from both him and Phil.

After a moment, he clears his throat. “Well...I suppose he’s matured a lot over the past two years. Good to see you again, boy. We’ll have to catch up.” With that he heads off, giving Dan a slightly curious look as he does so, and Phil watches him go before shaking his head.

“Jeez. Phil Lester Fan Club over here.” Louise teased gently before frowning. “What’s his deal?” Phil bit his lip and sighed. “That’s how he is.” He explained quietly, yelping as Louise pulled him into a tight hug.

“Philly…” She cooed before moving to sit on the grass with him, motioning for Dan to do the same. “Talk to us? You’re not usually closed off like this. We know something’s up.” Phil squirms, and Dan can tell he’s debating whether or not to lie. He’s seen it before-when Chris asked if he looked good in his new neon t-shirt, or when some girl asked him once if she was being too annoying after complaining about her roommate to them for five minutes straight. “I just...I came to this camp when I was younger and had different ideas than I do now.” He explains finally.

“Like how interesting that Richard guy was?” Dan tries to joke, instantly regretting it as Phil brings his knees to his chest and curls up into himself.

His voice gets quiet, as it does sometimes when things get serious in group meetings and he’s comforting someone with a verse or trying to explain a tough concept to Dan. 

“Like...I was raised to think God ruled with a vengeance. If you sinned in any way, He would punish you. That’s what my parents said. We were supposed to fear Him, y’know? And when I came here...Father Richard pushed that hard.” Phil explained gently. “But I don’t think God’s like that. I think we’re all sinners-we all make mistakes. James 3:2 and all that. God loves us in spite of our flaws. Hearing him talk about God like he was so cruel, and then reading about His love for us...it was the first time it didn’t add up for me.”

Dan’s eyes widened. In all his time of knowing Phil-two months doesn’t sound like much, but it feels like a lifetime ago-he’s never once heard him speak against his parent’s beliefs. Sure, he could admit that they were a bit extreme at times, but it was always quickly followed with how their intentions were good and that everything had been great. 

“And as someone who wants to be a priest, I don’t think the way to get people to turn to God is to scream at them until they repent and scare them into not sinning. I think you need to be like Jesus. Hate the sin, love the sinner.” He continued, forcing a tiny smile as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Because we’re all His children, after all. And He’s got a path for all of us-fear won’t guide us onto that.”

There’s a moment of silence before Louise reaches down, giving his hair an affectionate tousle. “You start preaching like that and I’ll come to your church every Sunday. I’ll even sing in the choir.” She joked. A slow beam spread across Phil’s face-a a genuine one, and he stood up before pulling her into a tight hug. 

“Thank you.” He whispered. “Thank you both. I-If I had known he would’ve been here, I’d have at least warned you-”

“Shush, mate. You had no idea. Trust me, you’re way too much of a softie to lie to us, we know that.” Dan laughed a bit, giving Phil’s back a light pat. Phil giggled a bit before pulling away, taking a deep breath. 

“Wanna go make sure Chris and Peej don’t crack their heads open?” He said finally, and before they could say anything the two of them were taking off towards the rocks, Dan chasing after both of them. Despite his grin, he still couldn’t help but feel like his head was heavy with questions. Father Richard had seemed boring, and a bit grumpy, but not angry. Were Phil’s changing beliefs really all that had happened?

-

Phil had seemed relieved to talk for a bit, but the mood shifted again once evening activities started. Father Richard had preached again during dinner-and again, nothing terrible happened. He made a few dry jokes, he talked about having “complete and total faith”, he read some long passages that Dan didn’t care about. He was too busy glancing over at Phil next to him, who had left his food practically untouched. 

Then there are evening vespers, with Phil’s hands clenched together so tightly in prayer that his knuckles turn white and his fingernails dig into the skin. The firepit seems to be going well-he shares a s’more with Dan, but before he could get another he’s pulled aside by Father Richard. Dan’s sure at one point the two glance over at Dan, but then Phil’s walking back over, trying to look interested in some story one of the group members is telling as he brings his knees to his chest. Even Chris and PJ seem to notice that something’s going on, but with a pointed look from Dan, they give him some space.

They turn in for the night, but Dan wakes up way too early to find Phil curled up on his bunk pouring over his Bible. The bags under his eyes tell Dan that he didn’t sleep a wink last night, and he sighs. “C’mon, you gotta show me where the showerhouse is.” He says gently, and Phil looks up at him with a tired laugh. “Do I?” He teased weakly. After a minute though, he sits up and stretches. “Mmm...fine. But no chickening out.” With that he hops down from the bunk, peeling off his shirt before walking over to his bag.

Dan’s pretty sure he gulps audibly as Phil grabs a change of clothes and a towel, eyes wandering over him. Though Phil braved the communal showers at Uni, he was always sure to change in the stall-Dan had never seen him in so much as a pair of shorts that went higher than his knees. And yet, here he was. Dan would feel guilty about watching him, especially considering he knew Phil was having a tough time, but…

He couldn’t help it. His best friend looked hot as hell from behind. He couldn’t help but admire his slim frame, his lean but toned arms, and when he turned around, the slight smattering of chest hair that slowly turned into a happy trail that crept lower, into-

“I’m telling you now, if you forget a towel you’ll regret it.” He said, voice still low from sleep, and Dan snapped his head up. “Towel! Right! Let me go grab that.” He squeaked and quickly moved to grab it, trying to hide his flushed cheeks as he snagged a change of clothes as well. By the time he looked up Phil was already heading for the door, humming under his breath, and Dan followed him quickly.

After a few moments of silence, Phil spoke. “Father Richard is leaving tonight, so you won’t have to sit through his lectures after today. He’s just stopping by to talk to us. So we’ll have less worship-y stuff and more free time tomorrow.” Phil glanced over at Dan. “Sorry if I’m weird about it. I just..y’know.”

Dan nodded and relaxed into the shared feeling of relief, even if he didn’t exactly know what Phil was talking about. Before he could ask, though, they were at the small building-just a row of four stalls that looked like bathroom stalls, built out of wood. As Dan stepped inside and stripped-definitely not thinking about how Phil was doing the same just inches away, especially as he heard his sweatpants hit the ground-he rubbed his eyes. “Is there coffee here?”

“Oh, trust me, you don’t need coffee here.” Phil laughed a bit, a genuine one, and Dan raised an eyebrow, glancing over at where his head peeked over the stall. 

“Dude, I’ve seen you-sweet fuck!” Dan shrieked as he turned the single knob on and freezing cold water shot out of a showerhead on the ceiling. “How the fuck do you get the hot water?!”

Phil was really laughing now, his witch cackle carrying over Dan’s screams. “No hot water at camp.” He sang playfully. “And no swearing, either, but-”

“Christ on a bike, no wonder you were fucking miserable here!” The words come out before he can realize it, and suddenly he freezes (as well as he can while shivering like mad), but Phil only laughs harder. 

“You’re ridiculous, you know that?” Dan can hear the grin in his voice, and he lets out a long breath. “Whatever. Shitting fucking fuck! Let’s get this over with.”

Dan somehow manages to survive the worst shower of his life, his hair curling as he towels himself off before tugging on clothes and leaving the showerhouse. If it wasn’t for the bright smile on Phil’s face, he’d say it wasn’t worth it. But at least for right now, Phil is his old, giggly self again, and Dan comes to the realization he’d do just about anything to keep him like that.

Unfortunately for Dan, it doesn’t last long. As they’re walking back to the cabin, Phil glances across the way and sees Father Richard, walking through the trees. “Oh, shoot, c’mon-” Phil grabs Dan’s arm and tugs him along a bit faster, not looking behind him for nearly a full minute. As he glances over and sees the look on Dan’s face he finally stops, sighing softly. The joy from before is gone. “Sorry. I just...too early to try to handle that right now.” “Yeah, yeah, of course. Let’s just get going to the cabin, yeah? I’m still freezing.” Dan jokes weakly, and Phil tries to crack a smile, still looking uncomfortable as they walk along the trail in silence.

The rest of the day is disturbingly similar to yesterday, and the whole group is sensing that Phil is just...off. He’s usually eager to jump into discussions, but even when Father Richard gives them the chance to talk, Phil seems totally holed up in himself, mumbling something about wanting to give others a time to speak (which pushes the topic along to Louise, who fumbles it totally and is earned a condescending smile from Father Richard).

By lunch, Dan thinks he can’t sit through another hour of this. By mid-afternoon, he’s considering faking being possessed by Satan. And by dinner, he’s come up with about forty ways to fake the possession. The only reason keeping him from doing so is that when he mutters it to PJ he tells him to wait until after dinner-if he keeps Chris from food, he’ll have bigger things to worry about than a camp full of religious fanatics thinking he’s possessed.

They set the tables and then get in line to eat dinner. Dan immediately realizes Phil isn’t anywhere to be found, exchanging concerned looks with Louise. When they get five minutes into dinner and realize that Father Richard is also missing, he starts to worry. 

What if Father Richard was...well, what would he do? 

The truth is, Dan doesn’t know what the big deal is with this guy. He honestly doesn’t seem to be too bad, but the control he has over Phil’s emotions is genuinely weird. Still, he doesn’t want to cause a scene. 

“Hey, Caroline!” He says, quickly jogging over to the young woman, and she gives Dan a kind smile. “Dan, hey! How have you been enjoying this so far?” She asked gently, resting a hand on his arm. “I know it can be intense, considering your, um...well, you weren’t exactly in the church before you joined us, and-”

“Caroline, it’s all great, but do you know where Phil is?”

She smiles and gives Dan’s arm a squeeze. “I’m so glad you two found each other, you know that? You guys are like-”

“Caroline.”

“Okay, okay. I won’t be mushy, even if you guys are my favorite freshmen.” She winked before waving her hand towards the door. “He’s out by the lake with Father Rich. They go way back, did you know?”

Dan nods slowly. It’s clearly not the answer he wanted, because Caroline leans in. “Don’t tell him I said this, but trust me, Phil’s not choosing Father Richard over you. You’re still his BFF.”

Wonderful. That’s the reassurance he needed right now, that Phil wasn’t going to choose a 65-year-old man to be his ‘BFF”. He manages to smile and thank Caroline before going to wait on the mess hall deck. If Richard was going to drag Phil away, then dammit, he was going to be the first to talk to him when he got back.

-

Phil doesn’t come back up to the mess hall for at least another hour. His eyes are rimmed red, and he’s alone. The second Dan hears his footsteps he shoots up. “Phil!” He shouts after he yanks his earbuds out, and Phil lets out a yelp, laughing shakily. “Oh my God, did he-did he make you cry?!”

Phil rubs his eyes quickly and giggles weakly. “Dan, I cry at everything. We cried together over that muffin in the dining hall on Wednesday, remember?” 

Dan doesn’t look convinced in the slightest, but suddenly Phil’s arms are pulling him into a long hug. “We just had a long talk. Don’t tell me I missed anything?”

“They went on some dumb night hike, but-don’t tell me you wanted to go on the night hike?” He asked as he saw the disappointment on Phil’s face, frowning. “We can go! We can go right now, and meet them, and-” “Dan. Breathe, okay?” He giggled and led Dan inside. “Our group can go on our own little night hike tomorrow, I’ll survive. Besides. I haven’t gotten to spend time with you these past couple of days, and I’ve missed you.” Phil’s voice is a bit softer, and he gives him a shy smile.

Dan’s face turns red and he sits down in one of the faded couches, Phil flopping next to him. “It’s only been, like, a day and a half.” He mumbles.

“It’s been a long day and a half.” Dan nods slowly, looking up at Phil. “Is he gone?” “Yep. Just left camp now. Didn’t wanna make a fuss.” Dan can’t help but roll his eyes a bit at that, shaking his head. “Now, c’mon. Can we talk about something fun? Like…” He reaches out and snatches up an old copy of Women’s Health from a bin by the fireplace, clearly meant for kindling. “What advice can we find for two lovely women like ourselves?” 

As he flutters his eyelashes at him, Dan can’t help but laugh, grabbing the magazine from him. The two swap it back and forth, giggling like children at the stupid advice and making fun of all the pictures. The tension from before melts away, and suddenly it’s just Dan and Phil, the two of them being absolute idiots and laughing over nothing. After the last day and a half, it feels amazing to just laugh.

When they finish that one they go to the next one in the bin. They read through issues of Runner’s World, Golf Digest, Christian Living, Better Homes and Gardens, and even a Highlights before Phil’s stomach lets out a loud growl.

“Oooh, I need some food. Why don’t I go grab us some snacks from the kitchen? There’s some board games in one of the closets, find something for us to play?” 

With that, he’s up and going into the kitchen, and Dan wanders over to one of the closet doors. Sure enough, he sees some old board game boxes peeking out behind some moving boxes. Dan goes to move one out of the way when he catches a peek of the pile of brochures inside. His eyes run over the text and clip-art outline of a strong-looking man. Program Judges 6:12 at Camp Brabeck: For teen boys and young men struggling with sexual impurity.

Sexual impurity? Dan grabs the brochure and flips it open.

Today, our young men are raised in a culture where abnormal lifestyles are being accepted, even praised and celebrated. It’s no wonder that more youth than ever before are turning out oversexualized and confused, and more than ever are struggling with same-sex desires...

From there on, the words start to blur together for Dan, and he flips the brochure over.

And then Dan sees it. In the top corner is Father Richard, smiling wide.

With his hand on Phil’s shoulder. 

Dan feels his stomach churn violently as he looks at younger Phil. There’s no way it could be anyone else. Even if he’s a bit shorter, and his hair isn’t dyed, Dan’s studied Phil’s face long enough to know it’s him. As Dan grips the picture frame in his hands, Phil’s words from yesterday come back to him, hitting his chest like rocks.

“Hate the sin, love the sinner.”

Phil worked with Father Richard, at this-this “camp”, this place. They worked together.

“God loves us in spite of our flaws.”

Not only was Phil not gay, thus extinguishing the slightest bit of hope he had, but Phil was actively homophobic. Phil worked at a bloody conversion therapy site, for fuck’s sake.

“He’s got a path for all of us.”

Phil wasn’t uncomfortable about Father Richard-he was uncomfortable about Dan and their friends being around Father Richard, and them finding out just what a homophobic, lying, fake-

“I found Pop-Tarts!”

Phil’s voice interrupts the swirling thoughts in his head, and he slowly turns, holding the brochure up. “Were you ever going to mention this?” Phil’s face goes pale. “I...Where did you…” He whispers, but Dan growls. Actually growls. Red hot anger is taking control now as days, weeks, months, years of suffocated emotions rises to the top suddenly. A lifetime of not fitting in, a lifetime of hiding, and to be rejected by Phil-like this.

“Nice pic of you and your friend, Phil. You worked with him on this? You and Richard, two pals-and you knew we’d judge you for it, so you just decided not to tell us?!”

“Wait, wait, Dan, no. It’s not like that. That’s not what-” Phil tries to butt in. Dan isn’t having it.

“Do you realize what kind of damage you do to people, Phil?! You can’t act like-like Little Mr. Innocent about this, this is some seriously fucked up shit you’ve done!” Dan’s properly yelling now, getting to his feet and not even stopping as Phil cowers back. “And-And worst of all, you hid it from us! You talk like you love everyone, hiding behind your stupid flowery language, but you’re a total fucking hateful dick!”

Phil suddenly stands as well, putting his hands in front of his chest, but irritation is creeping into his voice. “Daniel. Listen to me, you don’t understand. I’m not hateful-” “Oh-Oh yeah? Not hateful, huh? Not hateful when you say ‘gay is an artificial construct, created to celebrate people’s sinful homosexual desires’? Or when your stupid fucking camp goes to ‘remove young men from their unhealthy environment to bring them to Jesus and see the errors they’re making’?” Dan’s reading directly from the pamphlet now. “That doesn’t sound loving, Phil!”

“Dan, let me-” “There is literally nothing you could say to make this better. You think you’re helping, don’t you? But you’re just-just spreading hate, and-” Dan’s words are cut off as Phil suddenly grabs him by the back of his head, pulling him into a hard kiss. For possibly the first time in his life, Dan is rendered speechless, especially a few moments later when Phil pulls away and his eyes well up.

“Dan…” He choked out, sinking down onto the couch and starting to sob. “I didn’t-I didn’t-” After a moment he grabs the brochure weakly. “I didn’t work at the camp.” He chokes out finally, and Dan just stands frozen in place. “I was a camper.”

Dan hates that he doesn’t know whether he should trust him or not. But...this is Phil, crying ugly, hard sobs, and he can’t help but feel his heart break in two. “A...camper?” He asks slowly, moving to sit next to him but keeping his distance.

Phil lets out a pained noise but nods. “I signed up to go. Because I kept having these-these dreams, and these urges. And I thought if I did everything right, if I listened to Father R-Richard…” He has to stop himself to catch his breath as it comes quicker, curling into himself and resting his head on his knees. “I thought if I could be perfect, I could b-be like him. A priest. A husband, to a wife. A father to my k-kids. An ex-homosexual.” He said, tears streaming down his face. “Dan, I-I tried so hard…” Dan frowns, running a hand through his hair slowly. “You can’t just-I mean, I don’t think it works like that, Phil,” Dan says after a moment, and Phil nods quickly. “I know, I know. God knows I know. They tried everything on m-me. I mean, everything. But the more they did, the more angry I got, with myself, with Richard, with God. I hated God, Dan, I hated him so much, and I did all this stuff…” Dan can’t stop himself but reaching out and taking his hand at that, and Phil clings to it almost instantly. “I lied, and I ripped up my Bible, and I did stuff with the other guys there…”

Dan blinked a few times. For Phil, that was intense, and he can hear the guilt and true sorrow in his voice. “You-I mean, no offense, but kissing a few guys and tearing up a book aren’t exactly unforgivable sins.” He says, hoping to bring him comfort. To his surprise, Phil laughs sadly.

“I did more than just kiss, trust me. When Richard found me in the showers with one of the guys-” 

At that Dan’s eyes nearly bug out of his head. Phil, who half an hour ago was blushing at ads for tampons, in the showers with a guy? “He-He decided I needed more intense therapy. It was hours and hours of just being told how disgusting I was, being shown these videos, being preached at, b-but I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t stop feeling like I did.”

“Phil…” Dan feels his broken heart finally crumble. He pulls him into a hug, letting him sob into his hair.

“F-Finally I just lied my way th-through it. That’s what m-most of us do. And then I was th-the big success story, and they took that dumb picture, and it was finally over. I went home, and I was so mad I decided I’d go through my Bible-the nice, new one my parents had bought me, when they heard that ‘somebody’ tore up my old one-to s-see how wrong I was before and how terrible He was. So I stayed up for nearly a week, no school, no nothing. Just reading.”

Phil pulled away to reach out, grabbing his copy of the Bible from his bag “ And as I read, I…” 

He took a deep breath as he opened it up and slowly turned the pages, motioning to the Post-Its and notes littering the scripture. “I didn’t find that. I found a God that wanted me to love-He wanted me to love my family, and my friends, and my neighbors, and-and guys. He wanted me to love you. He wanted me to love you, romantically.” At that, Dan feels his heart stop and he gently moves to look Phil in the eyes. “You really think that?” He whispered, Phil nodding quickly as he ran a hand through Dan’s hair.

“God gave us all the ability to love-fully, and deeply, and wonderfully. And-And I love you, so much. I didn’t want to freak you out, and I’m not ready to be out, but-” This time it’s Dan’s turn to cut him off with a slower, gentler kiss. “Shh. We don’t have to tell anyone.” He murmured.

“It can just be us?” Phil asked in a small voice. “Just you and me?” 

At that, Dan is pretty sure he’s going to explode, because dear God that’s all he’s ever wanted. He wants to scream, he wants to jump up and down, he wants to run down the fucking mountain and throw rocks at Father Richard’s car-

Instead, Dan takes a deep breath before smiling and nodding. “Just me and you.” He agreed quietly.

He leaned in and kissed Phil again, cupping his cheeks. This time was gentler, and Phil let out a soft, relieved noise as his lips moved against Dan’s and he pulled Dan close to him.

“I love you,” Dan says once they pull away. “I love you, I love you, I love you-”

“Have I ever read you Proverbs 17:28?” Phil interrupts with a giggle. Dan raises an eyebrow but grabs Phil’s Bible, flipping to it.

Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.

“Did you just ask me to shut up and keep kissing you through a Bible verse?!” Dan whined, but he can’t help but grin as Phil kept laughing, nodding as he connected their lips again.

Time seems to stand still. Two minutes, five minutes, ten minutes, ten hours, ten years-Dan can only guess how much time has passed when they hear the group off in the distance. “Shit-shit, okay, one last-” Dan jerked away but Phil giggled, grabbing the plate of Pop-Tarts and Dan’s hand before dragging him outside. He took him out a bit before they got down to the lake, sitting on the sand and wrapping his arms around Dan. Dan pauses before shyly climbing into his lap, and then they’re kissing again, Phil only pausing to catch his breath and murmur “I’m sorry you thought I could be homophobic.” “I’m sorry I didn’t ask before jumping to conclusions.” “I’m sorry I didn’t open up about what had happened.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t keep you away from Father Richard.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t keep you away from Father Richard.” “I’m sorry I couldn’t have been that guy in the showers with you.” The words leave Dan’s mouth before he can stop himself-humor is a coping mechanism for him, but right now, he wants to kick himself when he hears Phil’s gasp.

“Oi! Not yet, at least.” He said with a slight laugh, pressing his lips to Dan’s cheek and watching as his face burns red. He grins and presses a few pecks to his lips before looking up at the sky. 

“...You really think God wants this for us?” Dan says and Phil closes his eyes, snuggling closer.

“‘For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:113 to 114’.” Phil recited quietly. “God made us fearfully-like, with great awe and respect of us-and wonderfully. He made us find each other, he made us love each other.” He kissed Dan’s nose. “So that’s us. Fearfully and wonderfully made.” Dan looks at Phil with a soft smile, a bit worn from all the excitement of the day, but feeling...free. “Fearfully and wonderfully, huh?”

Phil nods, and Dan pulls him even closer.

“I could get used to that.”

#phan #dan howell #phil lester #dan and phil #phanfiction #phanfic #phanfic au