#look at your old art. its so fucking healing.

[sirompp]

i looked at a 3-4 old drawing in comparison to the thing im drawing rn and got emotional

#IVE IMPROVED SO MUCH WTF.... #im pretty much at the skill level ive always wanted to be... #which makes sense. because i always made sure my goals would be achievable. but also WHAT THE FUCK #My past self would be crying at this drawing. #I was thinking that it wasnt turning out the best but its passable but. oh mu godddddd 13 year old me and 9 year old me are SOBBING #thiking about when i was like7 and reading the comics my 9 yera old brother made and thinking ''ill never be this good at drawing'' #And just. What the fuck #remembering being so little and trying to draw professor utonium from powerpuff girls and getting so frustrated because i kept forgetting #if i was drawing the outside or the inside and making the arm come to a point by the shoulder #and despite how hard i found it.i kept trying. and. luike. look at what im making now. what the fuck man. #I perservered and im so happy with all the art i make and knowing i can and willkeep going and keep getting better and AUGH #me tag🍭 #look at your old art. its so fucking healing.

[theres-a-body-here]

Recieving a love letter

Part two

You decided that the best time to give it to them (pause) is during a trial

Characters: Oni, Trapper, Deathslinger, Mastermind, Cannibal, Ghostface Warnings: Internalized Homophobia, Death, some spice Male!reader

The Oni - Kazan Yamaoka

Impossible... You're both men

Kazan cannot accept this

This simply wasn't acceptable during his era

He immediately smashes your head in with his Kanabo on instinct

Gay panic defense

The evil has been dealt with, Kazan lets out a deep exhale

But...his eyes wander to the letter, still within your cold, stiff grasp

Advantages come from all angles... Don't they?

Kazan takes the letter, convincing himself he'll use whatever information he finds inside against you

It smells like you... Not that he checked

(He did)

A red wax seal holds the letter closed

Kazan looks closer

You had carved his family crest into the wax

Something foreign invades his body, something other than rage

It's nervousness

He opens the letter, making sure to keep the seal intact

For no reason in particular

(He's pocketing that mofo)

Instantly, he's impressed by your penmanship

So organized, clean, and sharp

But its contents are even more eye catching

The love letter is short and sweet

But what follows is even sweeter

A haiku

Kazan feels his heart skip a beat

He checks it once, then again, and one more for good measure

Yep, no mistakes

The loud pop of a gen echoes through the trialground, snapping him out of his trance

Kazan whips his head all around, looking for witnesses

Finding none, he pockets the letter

He stares at your lifeless body, feeling something else flutter in his chest

Guilt

The Trapper - Evan MacMillan

Evan stares at you as you hold your letter out for him to take

After a long, uncomfortable silence, he takes it

He brings it to his face, inspecting it through the holes of his mask

Evan has absolutely no idea what to do here

He looks back at you

"Do you...want me to fuck you?"

Romantic gestures are new territories for Evan, so he honestly thinks this is just your way of asking for dick

Whichever the case, he has a job to do

He puts you down without hesitation and hooks you up, leaving without a second glance

He's still holding the letter

Part of him wants to rip it up, and the other is curious to know what you wrote

He sloppily tears the letter open, reading it hastily as he walks to the next gen

Evan stops when he reads a bit more

You weren't asking for a ball slapping, eye watering, toe curling, deep dick fuck...

You were asking for his heart

You wanted all of him, hooks and all

Okay now he feels a bit bad

Evan reads some more

You actually drew a portrait of him within the letter, saying you learnt of his knack for art from Philip

Now he feels even worse

He lets the others save you without hiccup

In fact, he basically leaves for alone for the rest of the trial

He stops chasing and hurting the others occasionally to stare at you from afar, observing that focused look on your face as you work on gens or heal a teammate

Evan feels butterflies and he no longer has the strength to swat at them

It doesn't matter if he kills all your friends or if they opened the gates and left; Eventually, you're alone with him

He holds your letter out, watching as confusion sets on your face

"I'm dirty and sloppy... I'll ruin it"

He sounds vulnerable, waiting for you to respond

You curl your hand over his, folding the letter into his palm

"I want you to keep it," you say softly, as of talking to an apprehensive deer

He doesn't know what to say

Whatever he was going to respond with gets stuck in his throat as you lean in to kiss the cheek of his mask

He watches as you leave through the exit gate, glancing down at the letter in his hand

The Deathslinger - Caleb Quinn

Obviously you're joking... Right?

Cuz there's no way you'd be attracted to someone like him— Old, beat-up, and grumpy

You'd have to push him some more if you want him to accept the letter

Convince him you're being genuine

Eventually, he gives in and takes the letter from you

He glances around nervously, like he's expecting the other survivors to jump out and laugh at him for falling for the joke

He opens the letter, stunned when he sees there's actually things written inside

A blush creeps into his face as he reads, only deepening when he reads more

After he's done, Caleb can't even meet your gaze

After a few moments of silence, he speaks

"I can.....uhhh....keep this... right?"

Talk about awk as hell

Even after the trial, he lies awake thinking about it

Caleb rereads the letter over and over

You're gonna have to be the one to seek him out outside of trials since he's way too embarrassed now

"Yer serious 'bout this, ain'tcha?"

He decides to let his guard down just a bit to let you in

Be prepared to give him lots of reassurance

"Yer sure ya ain't mistaken?"

Caleb isn't one for words, so instead of writing you a letter, he makes you trinkets out of scrap metal

If you kiss him as thanks, he'll actually die on the spot

So please don't... unless you're evil as hell

The Mastermind - Albert Wesker

Wesker makes you kneel as you give him the letter

After snatching it out of your hands, he scans it meticulously

"I see you've made eleven spelling mistakes"

He enjoys the way you tense up instantly, like a puppy waiting to be put on punishment

"How adorable"

He ALLOWS you to watch him put the letter in his inner coat pocket

He would never admit it, but this certainly boosted his ego to new heights

Albert lifts you off the ground and tosses you over his shoulder

He carries you to the basement

"Stay here while I deal with your companions"

He leaves to kill the rest of your friends

After every hook, he pats his chest to make sure the letter is still there

He'll deny he ever did that if you ask him though

Once he returns, Wesker will bombard you with questions, expecting an answer within 5 seconds or less

What took you so long? What do you like most about him? Would you choose him over your friends? How can you satisfy him?

He loves how easily you crumble under his interrogation, blushing and stammering like a fool

Once he's had his fill, he picks you up again

He carries you to hatch

Before he lets you go, he grips your chin and makes you look at him

"I suppose I ought to leave you with something"

Wesker reaches into his coat and pulls out a pair of sunglasses

"I hope you can explain this to your allies," he chuckles

Before you can protest, he puts them on you and drops you into the hole

The Cannibal - Bubba Sawyer

Freezes in place and gasps when he sees you hold out your letter

He lets out a happy squeal before dropping his hammer and chainsaw to the ground

Bubba takes the letter from you gently, treating it like glass

He immediately plops onto the ground

He tears open the envelope carefully and take out the letter

He's completely forgotten about the trial

He reads the letter, shaking with excitement

It's sappy, sweet, and everything he's ever wanted

Even when the sounds of popping generators ring through the trial grounds, Bubba doesn't take his eyes off the letter for a second

He occasionally stops reading to either make a sound of happiness or cover his face out of embarrassment

Once he's finished, Bubba will stand up and pull you into a bone-crushing hug, lifting you up a bit and swaying you around like a ragdoll

You're definitely leaving this trial unharmed

He grabs your hand tightly, marching over to the hatch or exit gates and lets you leave with a goofy wave

The Entity doesn't even punish him for it since his joy was so great it made up for the lack of bad emotions from the survivors

He immediately works on writing a letter for you after the trial is over

The next time you see him, expect another bear hug followed by a letter being shoved in your face

It's messy, sticky, and covered in glitter

Crudely drawn hearts cover the inside as the letters are shaky and almost intelligible

But you can tell Bubba put his whole heart into it

The Ghostface - Danny Johnson

Instantly smug as hell

"Oh, what's that? That for me?"

He takes it from you and immediately tears it open, tossing the envelope behind him nonchalantly

His mask moves as he visibly reads through the letter, occasionally chuckling and shaking his head

Danny finds this scenario so fucking funny— A survivor having a crush on a killer

After he's done, he looks up at you

"Do you have daddy issues or something?'

He laughs loudly when he sees a hurt expression flash across your face, walking over to wrap an arm around your shoulders

"I'm just messing with ya, cutie"

Danny marches over with his head high to one of the hooked survivors, waving the letter in their face

You stand to the side awkwardly, unable to meet your friend's bewildered look

"Your homeboy is down bad for me. Whaddya think about that?"

The survivor grits their teeth struggling to keep the Entity's claw from puncturing their chest

"I think....Gah!...they.... have daddy issues...fuck!"

"THATS WHAT I SAID!"

You're never living this down

He goes around the map showing off your love letter to the others

After he finishes gloating, Danny hooks you

What? He's the Entity's favorite! He can't his reputation be tarnished

Outside of the trial, he follows you around like a shadow

He deadass interrupts your conversations with the others to tell you he wants attention, and you'd better deliver

Your love letter was basically an invitation for him to claim you as his own, whether you regret it or not

You're his now

Like a housecat that swats at others who get too close to their owner

"That kiss factory better be open, pookie"

He says shit like this in front of any survivor or killer

#caleb quinn #the deathslinger #deathslinger x reader #male reader #male!reader #the oni dbd #the oni x reader #kazan x reader #kazan yamaoka #kazan yamaoka x reader #the trapper #evan macmillan x reader #evan macmillan #dbd x reader #dead by daylight x reader #dead by daylight #dbd #bubba sawyer #bubba x reader #the cannibal #ghostface x reader #the ghostface #danny johnson x reader #danny johnson #the mastermind #albert wesker x reader #albert wesker

[sanji-piss-hell]

ZOSAN FIC REC

Here is some of my fave zosan fics. Some of these I read years ago and so I don't fully remember what theyre about but they we're good enough that I still have strong emotional attachments when I see the name. Most of them are things I've read recently. Literally all I do all day is homework and have an app tts fanfics to me like an audio book so there's quite a few of recs here. I am not the best at summeries but just trust me bro these are GOOD SHIT. I only provide the best. What I consider a good fic: - Takes place in the one piece world (I don't like modern aus) - Characters stay in character or if they do have changes from their canon portrayal there is a justifiable reason from within the story. - Solid story telling and arcs (even the shorter fics) - The Zosan dynamic is kept mostly how it is in canon they fight and bicker. (I know some like when they're soft with eachother like a loving married couple. You won't find much of that here) - Some of these have pervy sanji, que nose bleeds and ogling. With that out of the way here's the list!! Now to my fave zosan fic of all time and ironically enough the only fic taking place in a modern setting: Life is fine series. TW: Drug abuse, heavy angst, depression I have reread this twice and forced a friend to read it too. It is so amazing not just for the zosan but for the genuinely good story telling. You follow zoro reeling from his sudden loss of relationship with Sanji and falling down a...Well uh, path. It's fucked it's dark it's depressing and its fucking riviting. Alot of the time reading this you're just like WHY DID SANJI LEAVE HIM WHAT IS GOING ON??? Honestly I need to reread this again. Onto softer fics to heal your heart after that one: Honor in limits, his strengths in weakness By Hawksbrood

“Fucking hell cook, what happened to you?” Zoro demanded, voice low so as not to disturb the others sleeping nearby.

Sanji rolled his eyes. “What do you think? I told you we got in a fight earlier.”

“Not that, your fucking feet!”

The cook snarled at that, crushing his cigarette in his teeth. “What the fuck do you mean, my feet? They’re just feet!”

Zoro’s eyes widened, looking at the bruised flesh before him. This wasn’t that.

This was just so good and cute. I appreciate watching zoro appreciate sanji. They take care of eachother but in a way where theyre both still them yeah know? I appreciate how sanji is written letting himself be vulnerable but understanding that he's always gonna be crass cause it's just a part of who he is.

come on, come on (turn a little faster) by donutsandcoffee

The one where everyone thinks they’re dating, Sanji is oblivious, and Zoro takes everything in stride.

Sometimes a love story can go in reverse.

I reread this one recently and it's just soft and sweet. I like watching sanji flounder around. The gay panic is great.

a complete guide to falling in love by ThousandSunny Sanji was trained in the Bridal Arts; this does not go unnoticed by the rest of his crew. I read this like 3 years ago and I dont remember much but I do remember loving it!

Part Timer By 8ball Sanji really, really doesn't want to give Zoro a job at his restaurant. Zoro doesn't really even want to work there in the first place, but, well, there’s this thing with Sanji, and this thing with feelings and the whole thing is pretty damn stupid all together. Zeff just wants grandkids. He’s too old for this bullshit anyways. I am sure everyone knows 8ball very well they're like zosan famous but still just in case this one is really fucking good. Also read this 3 years ago so I don't remember much but I consider this a zosan classic. Onto the rated R Grand Buffet by asyndese Drunk fic!! If there was one thing Zoro knew, it was that you could always trust Sanji's inclinations to do a beautiful 180 as soon as he was drunk. Luckily, Zoro was more than equipped to handle it. I spent. 30 minutes. Trying to find this fic again because that's how much I loved it. It altered my brain chemistry. Sanji getting a nose job during sex is just. aaaaaaaaa. Read it. Cannot suggest enough. Horrors not yet known by Trixree

Sanji doesn’t know how he didn’t notice it before, is the thing. Of all the times he has seen Zoro shirtless (in battle, mostly) he just… never noticed. The problem is, once he has noticed, Sanji can’t seem to stop noticing. And neither can anyone else.

In which Zoro has a nipple piercing and Sanji has a Problem.

I recently reread this and the first time I read it I didn't really get the whole gender sanji shit. Now though???? Yeah another fic that rewired my brain chemistry. This fic opened doors for me it exposed me to a new world. Also sanji gay panic is in here and I live for that. It can be pretty raunchy (love that too) Three rounds with a tiger by KobochaKitsune Another drunk Fic!! also in modern times damn maybe I lied sdklfj

Liquid courage, drunken decisions, terrible euphemisms, and texts from last night, or: how to think entirely with the booze (and your dick) for once.

Or: By the time Sanji got to the party, everyone was already drunk.

I read this 3 years ago (theres a trend going on can you tell??) It also rewired my brain chemistry (from this point on just assume all of these nsfw fics rewired my brain chemistry each of these opened doors for me. This one opened the doors to bottom zoro.) Fucking 20k words of just pwp. I dont even know how the author did that bro like damn. Nature of things by stark_black Tw: Sex work and prostitutes When the Sunny docks, Sanji and Zoro sometimes seek out relief in some not so savory places. After crossing paths in town on more than one occasion, the two find they have a lot more in common than they would like to admit. I hunted this down for like fucking hours a couple of weeks ago because it was that good. Stark_Black has a fucking library worth of zosan fics this one is a classic to me. But if you want more content check out his other fics I think they have like over 100 zosan its kinda insane. Coregasm by Yakarmi

Sanji discovers that sometimes, Zoro has orgasms while he lifts.

-----

“You…” Sanji trailed off, gaze turning down as he licked his lips. Pink tongue darting out nervously. “You orgasm when you exercise?”

Zoro clenched his jaw. Shrugged. Trying to act nonchalant.

“Sometimes.”

Sanji’s eye went wide, and like his mouth had suddenly been liberated from his brain, blurted out, “that’s so fucking hot,” before clamping his hands over his mouth. His cigarette fell from his mouth, bouncing soundlessly on the ground.

Bro bestie, the way this put me on nose bleed Sanji. Perv sanji. I need that gif thats like mmm cause man this is good. Ending this fic rec with a BANG we have

Contingencies and Congruencies by PeaceSignDisasterBi

Somewhere between finishing the bottles of alcohol and mugs of beer, the crew comes together to create a contingency plan for something that may-or-may-not-happen during their time on the Grand Line and beyond. Usopp thinks it's more likely than bumping into zombies, Zoro wants to stay out of this, Sanji is just going with the flow, and Nami may or may not keep things legally binding and above board with consistent consensual acquiescence. Robin finds it all amusing.

The damn chart stays in the locked drawer in her desk, split into three neat categories: Devil Fruit Powers, Science, and Magic. Each represents whatever they're hit with but also categorizes the amount of self-control the person has during.

AKA: 5 times Zoro and Sanji had to help each other as Consensual Helpers of Dubious Consent + 1 Time There Was Nothing Dubious At All

Ok this is 152k long its pretty insane. It regoes over the arcs so throughly so carefully that I literally had to question my memory because I havent experienced alot of these arcs in a while (it's one of the reasons im rewatching one piece). I will say despite how amazing and well written this is I had a hard time comprehending sometimes. now I was sick at the time of reading this so that might be why but sometimes the way things were phrased felt like yoda talking. I think it's just me though. I'm not used to big words :( And thats a wrap!! These arent even all the ones I wanted to include I have at least 20 more off the top of my head but I'll save that for another day. I hope you find joy in these fics Like i did I'll def do another one of these as cause I didnt even touch my sanji centric fics or germa 66 or just in general the best sanji fanfic writers. (Mentioned some of them like 8ball, thousand sunny and donuts and coffee.) Best of luck to yall and let me know what you think!

#one piece #sanji #black leg sanji #one piece sanji #vinsmoke sanji #one piece zoro #roronoa zoro #zoro #zosan #one piece zosan #op zosan #zosan fanfic #zosan fic #zosan fic rec #fic rec #one piece fic recs #sanji fic rec #zoro fic rec #8 ball #donutsandcoffee #thanks for stopping by!

[leog4u]

Game Design and Porn Pt. 1

or, How To Fuck Up The Best Intrinsic Reward Ever

Hi, I'm Leo G, veteran pervert. One time while chatting in a server exclusively made of porn artists, I brought up the game design of a porn game I enjoyed. One of them laughed, saying "Who cares, it's just a porn game?" Being unwell, I never let this go. Since then, I have played many adult games and took each one as serious products made by professionals. Fast forward to today, and the demo for my porn game, Joker's Trip, is nearing completion. I also have some sci-fi erotica you should check out.

So you wanna make a porn game. You heard they make money, and hey what’s more fun than making a video game AND porn? But you don’t know where to begin! Well don’t worry, Leo’s got you covered. We’re gonna walk through the line of thinking you should have when designing your porn game. There's gonna be at least three parts to this, with part 1 focusing on how to reward your player.

Define "porn game" for me, Leo.

There are porn games, and then games with porn in them. A porn game is a game where you won’t last 5 minutes, where everything exists solely to meet and, subsequently, fuck. A game with porn in it is a game where everything exists for the purpose of the game, and also, you fuck. Fate Stay Night, for example, is a VN with a story that just so happens to have some CGs where the protagonist rails Saber, but is mainly about Shirou and the Holy Grail War. Much like how I would call Castlevania a game with horror in it, but not a horror game.

Porn games are a lot like horror games. They both get a bad rap for being cheap to make, appealing to base instincts, and generally being low quality. They're also both not actual genres of games, but genres of content. Think about it, if I asked you what a horror game is, you'd say a game that's scary. But what's the actual game part? The unfortunate answer would most likely be "walking sim," but there are a lot of examples that are FPSes, puzzles, driving sims, platformers, deck builders, the list goes on.

The most common genres of game I see for porn games these days are by far RPG Maker RPGs and VNs. I won’t be talking about VNs because they’re closer to writing than game design, which isn’t a flaw but a feature. What used to be everywhere, in days of old, were breakout games, where the more bricks and levels were cleared, the more of the sexy image would be revealed in the background. Other arcadey type deals like shoot ‘em ups and mahjong were also around, and had a similar “strip ‘em down until you have sex” gameplay loop.

Okay, so what’s an intrinsic reward?

There’s intrinsic rewards, and there're extrinsic rewards. Extrinsic rewards, generally, are the number go up rewards. Things that make your character stronger, or give you more resources to buy new gear or whatever. Intrinsic rewards in games can cover a large swathe of things. It can be the feeling of satisfaction of completing a puzzle, a piece of lore or world building, or a new dialogue option with a character you want to fuck.

I like fucking characters, are we talking about porn now?

Yes! I’m of the opinion that you literally can’t make a better intrinsic reward than pornography. On top of setting the tone for the entirety of the game., at its best it can add to a story, add to someone’s character development, or be a beautiful piece of art to look at. AND you can jack off to it! Unfortunately, that’s at its best. Let’s talk about how porn is delivered in a theoretical RPG porn game. (As a head’s up, there will be talk of “bad end” scenes, but this is under the assumption that the player is the one consenting.)

So you’re playing an RPG and get into a fight. Maybe you were underleveled or too cumbrained to remember to buy healing potions. Then your HP goes to zero, and instead of going back to the title screen, you’re getting fucked by orcs. That’s right, let’s talk about Game Over CGs.

You get to watch porn when you lose?

To someone making a porn game with a battle system, this delivery method makes sense. The characters in this world are driven primarily by lust, this is just the obvious conclusion. And it doesn’t even have to be non-consensual! Games like Future Fragments show that it can be presented as a sexy inconvenience rather than anything uncomfortable for the player or our hero. Game Over CGs even have the benefit of softening the blow of defeat, by giving the player a chance to reflect on their defeat and jerk off. Even better if losing a fight isn’t lost progress, but rather a bump in the road. However, there’s a problem here. The player is a dog, and we’re rewarding bad behavior.

The porn is an intrinsic reward, so why are we giving it to the player for losing? Incentivizing losing on purpose isn’t just bad game design, but a waste of time. And to that end, a lot of porn games try to give solutions to this. One being a kill button on the keyboard or a skill that instantly KOs our hero to get to the lose screen faster. What might seem like a convenience is really just expediting failure.

What it says is that the gameplay doesn’t actually matter. You’re just here for the porn, right? In that case there’s plenty of places I can go to see a chick with huge knockers get railed by an orc, with the added bonus of not having to play forgettable and mid turn based combat!

Another solution I’ve seen is the game outright telling you, “hey don’t bother killing yourself to see the porn. Once you beat the game all of the scenes you missed will be unlocked!” At first this seems like a reasonable way to go about it, but it comes with another problem: your game better be fucking good to make me play through the entire thing before getting to see cock. Like I said earlier, porn at its best can reveal things about the world and drive character development. I uh. Just beat the game. I don’t care anymore. Showing me a scene that’s taken out of context by a factor of 5 hours or more isn’t what I’d call great game design or story telling. It’s also too little, too late.

What if we made the porn actual rewards?

Now we’re getting somewhere! Let’s make the reward…a reward! What if, every time the player beats a level, we get some porn? If we tie the CG to beating the boss, we’ll be tying the reward to game progression. That’s good right? So now, on top of the extrinsic rewards you’d normally get for beating a boss (a lot of EXP, better gear, opened areas) we also get that sweet dopamine rush of pornography! So we’re good, right?

There’s 1142 words left in this post, so I’m assuming no.

Well. It’s a start. It has the problem of predictability. If not handled properly, it comes off as lazy. As a game designer, one of your goals is to not constantly remind your player that they’re playing a video game. Get through the level, get porn. It feels a little too “mouse in a maze looking for cheese” for my taste. And much like the game over method, if the actual game itself is mid, the player will start to question if the reward is worth it, and might be afflicted with the worst condition a player could receive: boredom.

Of course there are exceptions. In puzzle or arcade type games where you don’t get extrinsic rewards, giving the player porn as another form of reward per level or whatever is perfectly reasonable (though it does have the issue of being predictable.) This is a perfectly good way of doing it if your game is short, or if the game is, y’know, good and fun to play. Bad Color’s game, Heroine Conquest, is a level based puzzle game with porn as the reward, but only when you do good. Combining the actual challenge of mastering the game, with a genuinely unique game loop makes for a feeling of accomplishment when beating a level. Pair that up with a sex cutscene, and the dopamine rush will hit.

So! Let’s combine giving the player a power trip, with a less rigid structure for giving the player porn. Instead of tying the porn to purely progression gates, let’s tie it to the progression.

Plot milestones

In Third Crisis, sex scenes are peppered throughout the regular game’s plot, starting with some lesbian bondage before introducing the protagonist, who goes through a tutorial before having their own horny encounters. It’s not just given when you win or lose, but is a natural part of the game. Beating bosses, losing to enemies, and exploring dialogue options in sidequests all lead to unlocking new CGs.

Now what’s nice about that, is that the sex isn’t placed somewhere extremely predictable. It isn’t just a reward for beating The Boss Of Forest Zone, Now Go To Ice Zone And Beat The Ice Boss For More Cock. Because that’s the biggest issue of predictable rewards, you know you’re not getting anything until that checkpoint, which will make the player weigh whether or not it’s even worth continuing. This is fine, again, for an arcade type game, not an RPG or adventure game. By sprinkling sex throughout the plot itself, the player will not only want to progress, but their curiosity will have them wondering “what else is out there?”

Rewarding exploration

By putting sex scenes behind optional side quests or encounters, the dog that is the player will scour every single corner of the map, and leave no pixel unturned. Personally, that’s more exciting to me than what you’ll get in the main progression route. In Future Fragments the player can find their rival Faye in sexual situations if they explore the map enough. These are completely optional, and don’t give any direct rewards like more HP or an item, but they’re by far what motivates me to explore the maps as thoroughly as possible, more so than the plot macguffins the game is named after!

So now the player is excited. Sex can happen anywhere. Maybe that daunting off road path with stronger monsters isn’t just hiding a secret, but a sexy secret! They’ll be more likely to venture down those optional paths you painstakingly made.

If we’re using sex in game overs, boss fights, and just randos, why not put it everywhere?

So now I want to talk about the concept of a “sex stat”. It’s not a bad idea! Say, the higher the player’s sex stat is, the more opportunities you unlock for fucking. It could even be tied to the player character’s personality, and affect the story! Instead of using a sword and shield, they’ll end any conflict with sass and sex. They open their eyes to the horny world around them and stop being a hero, and instead become a succubus, and the ending is a massive cum filled orgy.

That sounds excessive

Yeah, it does, doesn’t it.

I’m not a fan of “corruption” systems in porn games. Corruption as a kink is totally fine, and having it be a part of the story lets you incorporate more sexuality into the plot. But as I alluded to, it snowballs pretty fast (and I’m not talking about spitting in someone’s mouth). It ends up being like a cheat code, where you’re bypassing parts of the game for no cost. It stops being a reward, it stops being unexpected, and it stops it from being sexy.

Wait, what? Stops being sexy? What’s not sexy about a succubus orgy?

Alright, listen, we gotta rein it in for a minute. This isn’t so much about game design as it is about writing erotica, but if you have a world where everyone’s fucking and sucking 24/7, there’s no contrast to make what would normally be a hot taboo a hot taboo. If everybody’s naked, nobody’s naked. The aforementioned snowball effect of a corruption system can be seen if you play literally any game that has one. It won’t take long to not have to engage with any combat or adventuring system if you can just press the “Submit to the big dick warlock” button and watch porn to progress.

Which, now that I said that, is exactly the problem. Imagine any other rpg you’ve ever played. Now imagine if every encounter and dialogue option had an option to just watch a short cutscene to skip the encounter. That would suck ass, right? Literally no difference here.

It would. Hey, I’m sort of lost now.

Don’t worry, we’re wrapping this up.

So what did we learn? We learned game over CGs have a critical design flaw that shouldn’t be relied on. We learned that predictable rewards can lead to boredom. We learned to keep sex as a reward and not devalue it.

To summarize, here’s a neat trick to know where to put your porn scenes.

”Would I put an Xbox Live achievement here?”

It’s that easy. “Lose to Goblins for the first time,” that’s an achievement. “Beat orc commander,” that’s an achievement. “Find Hubert the Magical Dickhead,” that’s an achievement. Using that as a guideline is foolproof. Almost.

This sounds like it’d take a lot of resources

It sure does! But don’t worry. I’ll cover that in the next post talking all about how to deal with the resource management of a porn game.

(Shoutout to Taylor, my guy for editing!)

#Leo Gab #game design #game dev

[risingsuntarot]

1--2

3-4

General Messages & Advice !!

⚠️TW Quick mention of s*icidal ideation⚠️

I honestly had no set plan for this reading negl so I kinda just pulled out some cards to describe the collective energies and give them some advice sorry if this is long !! This took me quite a while so any love would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks for reading 💜

Excuse any typos :+//

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Pile ONE

---Cards pulled---

Ace of cups/Queen of Coins/2 of Coins

---Clarification---

9 of Coins/7 of Coins/8 of Wands

I see you're able to either barely able hold onto your emotions and new beginnings or you manage them quite well no inbetween

Youre extremely intelligent, patient yet fast and direct, dedicated and multifaceted it may have taken a lot to get to this point although

Im sensing a lot of emotional sensitivity yet you are perceived as stone when you feel like glass

"Petite, Cute, Princess, Marilyn monroe, Dainty" maybe youre described as such?

Strong sense of justice and very dependable, able to maintain balance

Maybe you feel lost inside? S*icidal ideation ? Or loneliness is a big factor

Possible lack of belief in change and self confidence

Im getting Hopeless romantic or dissatisfaction in love life if im being honest

No inspiration for life :'+(

Unstable Family background or relationships

Youre extremely pessimistic arent you? Im so sorry but i feel genuine pain hurt and the urge to cry almost? But something wont allow me to

Suppressed emotions or memories :+((

---ORACLE/ADVICE---

Eagle "see from a higher perspective"

Air Gaurdian "Shift your perception"

Lord "Take charge with authority"

High Priest "Intend ans Create"

There is a need for the sun and nature for playing a huge part in your healing, maybe its seasonal depression or simply anxiety or the "no inspiration for life" thats here

Bed rot could be a thing

There is a need to release old habits desires and ego

Confide in a masculine figure in your life or a masculine figure sees your distress (Gender doesn't matter its all energy)

Protection is needed and maybe a nice cleanse, maybe a cedar bath?

Again seasonal depression is coming up lol

You could be either a pieces or one of the Air signs

Take pride in your appearance, in the card she has long flowing black hair and stunning eyes!! Piercings too? Specifically a left nose piercing

Over thinking/pondering lol

Possible past friends or connections have ended badly?

Opportunities will only open up when you open your eyes and see that what you choose to see in the world if what youll perceive and experience

Lord of the rings/DND/Elden Ring/LARPing?

Rams could be significant or Aries sign!!

Learn a new instrument!! Make more art but with your own style ? Maybe youre in a art achool that doesnt allow for much individuality? But being a proud ab your individuality here is important!!

Birds are an important sign here, look out for feathers, hawks or eagles!!

If youre indigenous/Native/Aboriginal you may be receiving an Eagle Feather from an elder or during ceremony?! What an honor oml

Willie Jack from reservation dogs Vibes !!

---Channeled Songs---

LVL up - David strickland, Drezus, Aspects, prognosis

This came on during writing the eagle feather bit a lyric that caught my attention was

"Been a problem, Still a problem

But problems are what you need to grow"

Runaway - Lil peep

"Everybody act like they care, Why the fuck do everybody act like they care"

When I'm Gone - Eminem

"Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling

And I didn't feel a thing,

So, baby, don't feel no pain

Just smile back"

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PILE TWO

---Cards pulled---

The hermit/Knight of wands/8 of wands

---Clarification---

9 of cups/The Empress/Strength

Im getting like lost rebellion? And being unhealed and hurt inside from past trauma's specifically abandonment, neglect or betrayal from authority figures or those you had trusted

Feeling empty and misguided despite only trusting yourself, and no one seems to want to listen to your advice/experiences leading you to feel isolated and forgotten in a way?

Maybe you're a party animal, possible drinker and/or just popular/known in social settings

There is heavy overindulgence in emotionally fufilling things, specifically overspending and maybe other possible addictions (sleep, food, drugs etc)

Mother/Feminine figure is very important in your life

You look to them for approval of many things but they may have been not caring about your emotional needs or satisfaction rather they cared more about your hidden strengths and "beast inside" ?? Or even how "weak" they perceived you, they may have been disappointed at your strengths and abilities, n maybe they put you in some kind of martial arts or boxing despite your disinterest in it?

Quick to move on from situations!! Yet indecision and regret is coming through Strongly

Impatient with skills and talents that dont turm out they way you wanted so perfectionist type vibes

You are a clear communicator but tend to be rather impulsive with decisions or say one thing and do a completely different thing

Extreme harshness towards oneself and heavy judgement too :+(

Feeling exposed? Like all eyes are on you yet you dont want them

I feel a facade of confidence but there is true confidence coming through by the tiniest bit? yet it's heavily based on the feminine figures perspective in your life one with authority also your own perspective on yourself

Lots of self hatred and anger

Family oriented, getting protective yet detached energy tho

Cancer by my chemical romance came on so that song may be relevant?

---ORACLE/ADVICE---

Wise One "Grow within your current situation"

Mountains "Stand your ground"

Stargazer "Set your sights higher"

Direction guardian "Choose your path"

Owls maybe significant to you and other avians such as ravens

The wise one card depicts a woman with feathers in her gray hair, description of someone possibly?

Also a crescent moon is atop the owls head so maybe Athena or Greek mythology is important to you

I sense there was a lot of hardship in your life, ups and downs, peaks and valleys yet you choose to persevere and stay strong

I see you have may have been passed down a gift having to do with dreams, keep a journal and look into meanings of those dreams!! Also maybe astrology is something you love to look into or have an interest in ?

Although something is blocking this gift from its fullest potential i believe there is healing or a cycle to be closed off before youre allowed to fully tap into it !! It'll take time and work on your part

As of now you have many choices to make in many areas of life, youre heavily protected by your guides and loved ones, the direction guardian is depicted with a Seraphim as described by the hebrew prophet Ezekiel!!

Specifically in Ezekiel 28:11-19 is where the seraphim is described

You have choices, this card is to remind you that YOU have the power of your own path and direction

---Channeled Songs---

Cancer - MCR

"Baby I'm just soggy from the chemo

But counting down the days to go

It just ain't living

And I just hope you know

That if you say (if you say)

Good-bye today (good-bye today)

I'd ask you to be true (I'd ask you to be true)

'Cause the hardest part of this

Is leaving you"

No place to hide - Korn

"Some will look at the time I looked back into my life

You wanna touch me to see what's in my eyes

Why do you make me remember my hate, all this shame?

Don't you hate me? Sometimes"

I-E-A-I-A-I-O - SOAD

"Mine delusions acquainted,

Bubbles erotica,

Plutonium wedding rings,

Icicles stretching,

Bicycles, shoestrings,

One flag, flaggy but one,

Painting the paintings of the alive."

Although this seems like nonsense many fans believe its abbreviations or like code!! Soo...

M D E = Media and so on

The sentence comes together as:

"Media back-end power is bullshit, opposing force for the power of propaganda"

Stole this^^^ from genuis btw lmao

Theres the "lost rebel" part lol

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PILE THREE

---Cards pulled---

2 of swords/The Chariot/10 of Wands

---Clarification---

Ace of Swords/Knave of Coins/6 of wands

I feel more a message for this pile? And i do apologize but it is quite shorter than the rest but I will try my best to deliver both tho

You seem to be a very balanced person with clear morals and judgement, you have an ability to see all shades of gray in a black and white world maybe you work in the justice system? Or are dealing with the justice system ?And this stresses you out greatly yet you maintain hope for all that you see and deal with even if you see repeating injustices to those around you

Maybe PTSD is a factor here too, overthinking your own trauma or others

Anyways despite your position here you choose this pile for a reason !! You offer people truth and often give closure to cycles that needed to end

With the 2 of coins tho i think there is some imbalance between what you can and cannot do ? If that makes sense, like you can heal others or give them justice but cannot do the same for yourself :+(

Anyways the message i sense from this pile is pretty straight forward, you are giving someone (or yourself!!) the chance or closure to heal once more and whatever you may be waiting for is coming in quite quick although I feel there may be someone who may come in to sabotage the whole thing so be careful about who you choose to reveal this information to

They may offer a trade of some sort?

A deal, hush money or simply intimidation

Up your protection and be aware of fake friends yet still remain hopeful about the outcome because i see it turning out in your favor

---ORACLE/ADVICE---

Snake "Shed old skin"

Protection Guardian "Drop your Shields"

Winter "Take care of your needs"

High Priestess "Harness mystic power"

Again straightforward, beware of fake Friends and deals with strings attached my advice here is to up your protection and stand your ground!!

Drop your gaurd with those who you KNOW you can trust, you may need ro let out some stresses and emotions? Because the card winter is all about needs and hibernation so sleep well, eat and take some time to relax !!

Also might be an indication that whatever this situation is it may have happened in the winter/colder months

While in this time of self care and healing strengthen your knowledge and strengths learn how to master them !!

Your dreams and own special psychic gifts are important and potent !! Use them for yourself at this moment in time use that healing energy for yourself

Have confidence in yourself and know and own your protection because again you are heavily protected at this time you will most likely know who to stay away from very soon

Follow you intuition and what it tells you !!

---Channeled Songs---

The bird and the worm - The Used

[Whispered Post-Chorus] "Don't tell on me, don't tell on me. No, don't you tell on me, please. It's okay, don't tell on me, please..."

I find it interesting that its not the actual audible lyrics but if you listen to the song this is what the whispers are saying so...take it as it resonates

Spiders - SOAD

"Approaching guiding light

Our shallow years in fright

Dreams are made, winding through my head"

Bad dreams might be significant to you? Please try to relax good things are coming !!

Mama - MCR

"You should have raised a baby girl

I should've been a better son

If you could coddle the infection

They can amputate at once

You should've been

I could have been a better son"

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Pile Four

---Cards pulled---

5 of cups/4 of wands/Knave of coins

---Clarification---

8 of wands/6 of cups/Knave of wands

I believe there currently is dissatisfaction with your love life or offers within love at this moment or even just impatiently waiting for your current partner/interest to "make a move"

There isnt a lot of hope or faith in the connection on your part but i do see this person is interested they just operate differently and have some concerns

Mostly having to do with being used for their material gain, name position and/or authority

They do see this connection quite successful but they hate being put on a pedestal, due to this they wont have the guts to come forward if they do!! It will most likely be impulsive or very confusing and indirect which might leave both of yous flustered mainly them

This might be over drinks because my face is warming up lol

They see you as the four of wands and 6 of cups what a wonderful pair of cards together!!

But they see your disappointment and or pulling away from their energy which is turning them off easily but they still have their eyes on you

They have no time to be a chaser or to be chased this person is quite serious in their relationships so dont play childish games, play stupid games and win stupid prizes right?

They have come to a decision on their own but its also up to them when this information is revealed to you directly

Also there seems to be a sort of distrust with relationships on either sides which needs to be addressed before hand

Communication maybe be an issue

---ORACLE/ADVICE---

Medicine Guardian "Be open to healing information"

Elder "Healing through lineage"

Peacekeeper "Harmonious resolution is possible"

Lady "enjoy growth a reap rewards"

I feel like time is needes to open up tp yourself and heal some issues on your side first, become the best possible version you can before you can move on with this

I see that this connection may heal cycles in your family and generational trauma possibly?

Its your job to keep cool despite the circumstances now and remember to mediate and that peace is always an option. Not every battle is worth fighting

However this goes you will be happy with what you see in the mirroe nonetheless!! Enjoy your hardwork and healed state

---Channeled Songs---

Fed Up - Ghostmane

"I'm fed up with the fame

I'm sick of reading my name in any other way than I intended

Fed up with all of these motherfuckers misunderstandin' me

I'm fed up with the ones that try to say you a fan of me

But then they turn their back and mothafuckers abandon me

You think I'm sitting high with everything, but now can't you see?

I'm livin' in reality, a struggle, not fantasy

I'm in a million-dollar couch, back then I was in a van"

No you girls - Franz Ferdinand

"Sometimes I say stupid things

But I think, well, I mean I

Sometimes I think the stupidest things

Because I never wonder

Oh, how the girl feels

Oh, how the girl feels"

Driven Under - Seether

"Must be something on your mind

Something lost for me to find

Do you know I'm faking?"

I feel this is more the distrust with their previous relationship possibly?

Also this lyric

"We have to succumb to the feelings we can never face

I need you, I breathe you

I can't go through this all again

We have to succumb to the feelings we can never face

I need you, I breathe you

I can't go through this"

Also pile 3 may have some messages?? I accidentally typed pile three for this one? :+//

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#daily tarot #pick a card reading #fs pac #love pac #pick a picture #intuitive messages #detailed pac #tarot reading #tarot #tarot cards #pac #pick a card

[samodivaa]

Deny the truth,set my world on fire (Part 4)

Bucky Barnes x Reader (Winter Soldier x Reader)

Part 1⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ Part 2⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ Part 3 ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆* ┗━━━ ━━━┛ He knew that she was having an affair...she denies, but the love marks on her body are still there. She can't tell him the truth, it will break him - the Winter Soldier is indeed inside of him, fucking her at night and Bucky doesn't remember. ┏━━━ ━━━┓ Quotes - Pushkin, Fyodor Tyutchev, Dostoyevsky └── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

Warnings - heavy ANGST, some fluff Words - 3000

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆⋆⋅☆⋅⋆⋆⋅☆⋅⋆⋆⋅☆⋅⋆⋆⋅☆⋅⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ Song ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆Eventually

Did i cry from my own fic? Yes? ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆⋆⋅☆⋅⋆⋆⋅☆⋅⋆⋆⋅☆⋅⋆⋆⋅☆⋅⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

4 years ago Bucky’s triggers words were present more than anything, anyone else in his life. Beneath the sheet of gleaming snow, his human-self slept for decades, frozen in time. And everywhere he goes, it follows him; the past is always spreading ashes of memories : all of Winter’s footprints are effaced by her love, the waves of fury are at peace – she is his homeland shores, grounding his soul like an anchor. „Ah, my last love! Thou art both bliss and pain. And joy - and hopelessness-“ Bucky moves to sit next to her on the couch, putting an arm around her and pulls her in close until his head rests on her shoulder. „Doll, what are you quoting?“ he squints his eyes, quotes always brush against the edge of his curiosity, before taking a peek at her book. „My last love; Fyodor Tyutchev“ she proclaims, hardly attempting to hide her growing smirk. „Am I your last love?“ He drawls, a bit of sarcasm touching his tone, but he feels the seed of doubt embed in his heart at his own words echoes in his head. She just giggles, looking at him with glittering eyes, not moving from her comfortable repose. „Of course, Bucky“ She smiles and nods, before turning her gaze to the book once again, rolling the paper sheet between her fingers and gazing at it thoughtfully. „Read me more, I want to hear more“ he mumbles after completing an impressive yawn. He adjusts his position to get more comfortable on the couch as she continues to read, with his head on her lap. His soul is a wounded dove, it has a painful, longing call. A flying bird about to fall, that was poisoned, festered with the past…and now Bucky is surrendering in her embrace, and quietly drinks the healing rays of poem; of poetry - drinking mouthfuls from this healing light, her light – finally seeing the world bright and complete. "It is amazing what one ray of sunshine can do for a man!” ― Dostoyevsky 3 years ago „Snow, frost and sunshine ... Lovely morning! Yet you, dear love, its magic scorning, Are still abed ... Awake my sweet!“ Suddenly her voice sounds in the nothing of the night. Though no louder than falling snow, it cuts across the emptiness, so shocking in the endless silence that the words seem craved into his mind, crackle of emotions infuses the void of his soul after the nightmare. „Winter morning, Pushkin. Why do you always read me that when I have nightmares, doll?“ he feels an oppressive weight settling over him. „Because after a raging snowstorm, a lovely morning always follows, Bucky“ „Yeah, because you are the sunshine in my mornings“ He burbles out a delirious giggle as sweat streams down his face. Having her in his life is a kiss-inspired dream, he needs to touch her to make sure she is real. With his shoulders squared and his body tenses from the unknown reality, his hand gently outstretches to her face. She responds by inching impossibly closer into his palm with sliver of softness in her eyes. She is real.

2 years ago Nature is an artist as it strokes swiftly a winter wonderland. But now, wretches, every drop of blood — don't stain the innocent snow. The scene is set, exquisitely divine — snow always pluck the vibrating strings of Bucky's mind, but her voice is enough to make his worries melt away. Sometimes they talk of the past where еre any roamed or died. They talk of old times when Winter only meant death and not Christmas chimes. There is no wind to speak of, more an icy winter chill outside; because If he wants to overcome the whole world, he needs to overcome himself so they go for a walk to the park, snow crunching beneath their feet. Their hearts are not connected to each other through mutual understanding alone. They are, instead, linked deeply through the wounds of his past — hanging by a string, loosely holding him from collapsing. And she knows when thoughts are tossing him around, bathing in his blood — so she chooses to speak.

„I still remember that amazing moment. When you appeared before my sight. As though a brief and fleeting omen, Pure phantom in enchanting light.“

„Doll, I really think that you love Pushkin more than me“ „I remember reading him for the first time, it was so romantic“ „You are telling me that meeting me was not romantic?“ „Sometimes I just imagine meeting you in a café, far away from here - I imagine that nothing bad has happened to you, Bucky. Sometimes I wish you didn’t remember the past.“ And this is what Bucky learns now: that her love is an antidote to his worries, always, that stands within this otherness of the world, of nature — the beauty and the mystery of the Winter season, out in the fields or deep inside their favorite books at home — both those activities, her ideas; are re-dignifying his worst-stung soul. He doesn’t need to fight darkness. Bring the light, and darkness will disappear, she is his light. She uses his moment of distraction to move away and makes a small ball of snow and throws it right at his nose. „I was thinki-“ Bucky shouts as he wipes the snow from his face. She has the audacity to laugh as he removes the snow, and he decides to chase her. Bucky easily tackles her into the snow, putting his arm around her to make sure she wouldn't get hurt in the fall, faces very close together. „Now, this is romantic, Bucky“ He nodes his head, speechless still. To heal is to touch with love that which was previously touched by Hydra.

Present „How are you holding, Buck?“ „I’ve lived too long with the pain, I won’t know who am I without it“ „You still quote stuff just like you did with her, Buck. Why don’t you talk to her, she is still recovering I talked with her today“ „She doesn’t remember anything, I want her to move on“ his inquisitiveness nearly outweighed his reluctance to talking to Sam about it, attempting to simmer the flames of the protective nature over her. „She might remember, she needs time, Buck-“ Sam pressures him with a challenging look that he more than gladly returns. Bucky considers the proposal and the fact that Sam is giving him a guarded expression that seems so hopeful, followed by a slight nod of his head before speaking.

„The time I spend at Wakanda, with Shiru- I’ve decided to go with the procedure. I can’t trust my mind unless they restart my bra-“ „You can’t-“ Bucky rises from the chair and is halfway to the door of Sam’s house when he turns and says „Enough, Sam, please“

Bucky has fond a peace in nature which was irreplaceable once; he steps outside looking at the colorful sunset. The sun is out, but he is cold, eyes are wild, but the mind is asleep, the world is alive, but Bucky has dead. Nature is love, nature reminds him of her, but he is aloof of everything that screams live for today — he died the moment he woke up to her laying in the white sheets. ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆⋆⋅☆⋅⋆⋆⋅☆⋅⋆⋆⋅☆⋅⋆⋆⋅☆⋅⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ Flowers will grow back after he stepped on then and maybe in a less miserable times they may see each other again — all his grief says the same things „this is not how it’s supposed to be“ and the world laughs and holds at his hope by the throat „but this is how it is“ The final turn is that. Oh, how strongly grabs them, the secret plot of fate and everywhere he goes, it follows him; the past is always spreading ashes of memories: all of Bucky’s footprints of love are effaced by Winter, the waves of fury are not at peace – no longer is there a homeland shore, no longer someone grounds his lost soul like an anchor.

The sadness won’t last forever, he won’t be able to remember it and for the last time Bucky goes to sleep so he could see her in his dreams for the last time – she taught him everything except to how to live without her – the present feels like the past. It’s a fitting punishment for a monster to want something so much, to hold it in his arms and know beyond a doubt that he never deserved it, that he ruined it – his soul bleeds and the blood steadily, silently, disturbingly slowly shallows him whole –  Bucky is too gone to be healed – he almost robbed her of her life. Now, she will carry the scars forever, but he selfishly remembers their love, there was love and it was theirs. Bucky was too deeply afraid to face her, that the moment their eyes meet and she finds herself staring at a stranger and he will realize that he has become a person she no longer recognizes – he stares at the poem she left for him, it makes him smile, because it reminded him of him and her; of what they used to do – James doesn’t want this to be the end of the chapter but it is – it’s the end of the line for love – nothing ever ends poetically he realizes end and his trust to poetry, it was not beautiful – it was just pain. He performs autopsies on their conversations long ago – he can to lie Sam, but he can’t lie to the hole deep inside – he lets himself cry, it’s better than feeling nothing at – wearing her shirt, because it’s still smells like her, but it will soon fade like his memories of her, of everything, erased forever. How can he live with a conscience that suffers whilst acknowledging his sin; with the memory of knowing she left this poem behind, thinking she would die from his own hands? ◤━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━◥ I loved you; and perhaps I love you still, The flame, perhaps, is not extinguished; yet It burns so quietly within my soul, No longer should you feel distressed by it. Silently and hopelessly, I loved you, At times too jealous and at times too shy. God grant you find another who will love you As tenderly and truthfully as I. Your sincerely, your Doll ◣━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━◢

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆⋆⋅☆⋅⋆⋆⋅☆⋅⋆⋆⋅☆⋅⋆⋆⋅☆⋅⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

„Excuse me for interrupting, but I just saw that you are reading `The Brothers Karamazov` and couldn’t resist coming to talk to you“ a calm voice cut through the silence. „Oh, I just wanted to reread it- you can sit with me“ She has a thoughtful look on her face, heart shattering into so many tiny fragments that it is hard to speak, it leaves her incredulously blinking when she sees his blue eyes eerily crystalline. She only heard about him in periodic whispers over the mouths, hearing about his recovery and adjustment to life all over again.   She never intended to stay long, but she does because it is peaceful and she is not in a rush to leave, but his presence is overwhelming, feeling the presence of eternal harmony, fully achieved just like before. „I need to go for work, it was nice meeting you“   She senses that she should be following a different path, a path where their lines don’t cross. It is too much, she can barely breathes. There is a furious discontent from a moment, which verged on loathing; for her to have all of her memories and for him to be just a stranger taking interest in her book. This inexhaustible fantasy of them meeting again, of them reading books again – she needs to get out here of here, but then Bucky speaks and it’s impossible to smash the idea of them being together into splinters and turn it to dust – his eyes are the ocean, all flows and connects when their eyes meet. „Wait, can I get your number?“ he whispers from beside her, worry clear on his face at her sudden urge to go. He continues to stare intently into her eyes, waiting for their gazes to meet again and he feels his heartbeat speeding up.  „Oh?“ Bucky almost chokes on the air as she turns around to face him, not responding with any words. She just furrows her eyebrows slightly. And it hurts so good that its Bucky’s own free unfettered choice to ask her, to come speak with her. „I want to buy you a book“ his blue eyes trail from her eyes, to her lips thinking about how gorgeous this girl is. She is not sure which is worse – the intense feeling of him being here, or the absence of his previous love for her. Maybe it will be worse if she doesn’t let herself be part of his new life. She is too afraid of giving herself to someone she might lose again, she is too afraid that Winter might come again. Her loyalty to his past, to keeping it a secret its want cost her the most and she needs to bare all of her sins all over again, to keep a secret. „You don’t want to take me on a date?“ she questions while watching him with an amused gaze. „Yeah, yeah – I want to do that, too“ he responses with uncertainty laced in his voice, trying to hide a nervous laugh between closed lips. “You will burn and you will burn out; you will be healed and come back again” „Is that a quote?“ he shrugged, looking startled. „Yeah, it’s from the book, James“ „How do you know my name?“ it is a tormenting thought that refuses to take shape, not even sure if he wants to know the explanation behind this. “I am a fool with a heart but no brains, and you are a fool with brains but no heart; and we’re both unhappy, and we both suffer” Her eyes get a little teary, but she's quick to put a lid on her emotions, it is overwhelming that he doesn’t remember any of her favorite quotes, of the quotes she used to tell him. „Where is that from?“ „Idiot“ „Excuse me?“ „The Idiot, Fyodor Dostoevsky“ she hesitatingly looks at him, he is already looking at her with those ocean blue orbits that hold so much kindness, curiosity, just as they used to. „Oh…that was clever, I will give you that“ he laughs to himself, shoulders shaking with humor. „And I will give you my number“ „Really?“ „No“ “We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken”

„That is from Crime and Punishment“ she purposely tries to add amusement to her voice, trying to appear as this has never happened before. She is frozen, words caught in her throat. „Yeah.“ He licks his bottom nervously. "O-okay, I will give you my number"

An invisible thread ties them together – the pull the drag deep inside beneath her skin, the heavy gravity of him. She loved him enough to spend forever waiting, no amount of time is ever enough and even one day if forever runs out, she will be fine, because it’s her decision waiting for Bucky, getting to love him all over again. To exist with him is her greatest privilege and pain – but he has settled into the depth of her soul because, she has found what she loves and it almost killed her – the thought of him forgetting her terrified her before, but it probably terrified him too before his mind was fully reset – she searches for quotes which remind her of them, but he probably did too. This time she is learning him slowly, taking her time; in no rush with her love – there are oceans in James’ eyes and when she looks at them, both emotions and memories hit me waves. Sometimes she wants to scream so loud that the ground trembles, there is so much fear and grief within her that she is decaying from the inside out and there is no one to help me but herself. She needs to stay silent, need to be here for him once again – she loved him and will love parts of him that are not easy to love, turning the pages gently and helping him re-write a happy ending to his narrative. She has loved none, but him and it cuts her soul a million times just to form a constellation to light his way home – angry and half in love with the new him and tremendously sorry for how it turned out for them – it’s not a metaphor, this ache, this fear of Winter all over – but all Bucky’s life was grey before meeting her one day at the café. He brushes up against pink and the barest touch and - the rest of his life is green again, green like Spring. He doesn’t know who he is and the cycle begins again – he pierces her soul ,she is half agony and half love – Bucky is too tangled there, finding his way back to her unknowingly.

And that’s how Bucky imagines it, meeting her all over again after his procedure - in a café, far away from here - he imagines that nothing bad has happened to her. Sometimes he wishes he was just Bucky, sometimes he wishes that the past has never happens - sorrow compresses his heart. His grief passes gradually into quiet tender joy of that daydream. Her memories never returned. Bucky’s memories were deleted successfully. They never met again. ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆Tag list⋅⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ @dear-lolita @i-loveyoubutyourenotmine @blackwood-bodecker-housewife @montyrokz @sarah5462 @mooievis @almosttoopizza @midnightramyeoncravings @itsmadamehydra @ravenromanoff @beetlejuicesupremacy @queenashen @kandis-mom @whitexwolfxx310 @msoldier @venting402 @avery199 @pandabearrrrrrr @tilltheendofthelinepal13 @tokoyamisstuff @happinessinthebeing

“The most monstrous monster is the monster with noble feelings” ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Eternal Husband

#bucky x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes x reader #winter soldier fanfiction #bucky barnes x y/n #winter soldier x you #winter soldier x reader #bucky barnes x you #winter soldier x y/n #bucky x y/n #winter solider imagine #bucky imagine #heavy angst #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes x f #bucky x you #bucky x female yn #bucky x f!reader

[peachycrisis]

Human Again

Chapter 5

A/N: I was asked if art could be made of this story, and the answer is of course! Just tag me lol, thank you all for the support <3

—————

The Cat, Spider, Fallen Angel, Princess, and Radio Demon- turned human sat in silence within the midsts of Alastors room. Alastor sat on the bed, dumbfounded by what just happened. I am the radio demon, he thought to himself. There is no way I just made a deal with the Princess of hell. He ran a hand through his curly locks before he felt a pinch in his chest.

Fuck, he thought to himself, leaning over in pain, clutching his chest as some sort of support and stability. The 4 demons looked his way, concern plastered all over their faces. Well what was he going to do about it now? He was injured, and he was human, and he was bound to Charlie Morningstar- what was there for him to do but sit and pray that he morphs back into his old self soon.

“Al, you gotta be careful,” Charlie states, walking over to where the brown eyed man is sitting. “You’re not a demon anymore, it’s gonna take more time to heal. You have to rest.”

“yeah, yeah- I kn-“ Alastor tried to get up, but felt the chain around his neck tighten, making his breath hitch.

“Rest.”

“Okay, fine.” The man obeyed, throwing his hands up in surrender- taking a seat back on the bed. He brought his hands up to his neck as if the force had caused him to choke. Everyone watched in shock as the mans smile began to falter, before placing itself back on his sweaty face. They noticed the tear stains that dragged down his face, dried up- but still there.

What the hell happened?

I need to get out, Alastor thought to himself. He needs to get to his radio tower. His radio tower is safe, and he guesses that even Charlie Morningstar is …relatively safe. But he doesn’t want to be bombarded with questions about his change in appearance, or god forbid his lack of powers.

And if in all holy hell if some delinquent decides to mention his scrawny-

“So…” Angel starts, “this has been a very interesting day- huh Smiles?”

“Very much so, Angel Dust.” Alastor replied, pulling himself out of deep thought- rolling his eyes. His hands stay on and massage on his neck wide eyed at the fact that Charlie had, and was capable of using such power.

“So do you still have your powers?”

“I don’t know, Angel Dust.”

“Are you like… fully human now?”

“Seems so, Angel Dust.” Alastors grin turned into a scowl.

“Can I see your-“

“OKAYYYY-“ Vaggie interrupts, sighing and bringing her hand up to her forehead, massaging her temples, noticing Alastor become increasingly uncomfortable.

Human Alastor seemed to be way more predictable. Maybe even more emotional- which was weird to think about considering how cold hearted he had seemed to be.

“Boss, what the fuck?” Husk cried out, walking closer to the bed- examining every inch of the overlords new body. He still felt the chains around his neck, so he obviously still had some sort of power- or maybe it was similar to how humans sell their souls to the devil? He had no fucking clue.

“Yeah Smiles, you were an injured human in the midst of hell for three days, your vulnerable state could have gotten you killed.” Angel crossed both sets of his arms. His brows furrowed.

“I can assure you both, I am perfectly fine. As soon as I get back to normal I will be ruling my territory in no time.” Alastor smile returned to its normal sharp toothy grin, yellow sharp teeth replaced with white polished ones. It looked so wrong- seeing the radio demon look so… clean?

“Yeah Yeah, sure you will.” Vaggie intruded. “Listen, it’s not safe out there- I’m assuming that’s why you and… Charlie… made that deal.” Vaggie walked closer to the bed, to stand next to Husk. “So we will be watching over you for the time being, making sure no one tries to do any… funny business.”

“Such as the Vees?” Husk asked.

“Exactly. Vox has already broadcasted the fight all over the news-”

“He what?” Alastor looked up, his eyes staring daggers into Vaggie.

Vox did… what? How many people knew? … who knew. Is this why Charlie wanted to own his soul? To protect him from… him.

Alastor sighed, not listening anymore- noticeably pissed off at the fact that he most likely needed, and would be… forced… to accept this help. Especially if he wanted to hide himself from… unwanted interactions.

“Well what are we gonna do? Keep him indoors like a caged dog?” Angel added, finding his way next to Alastor on the bed- who seemed to be deep in thought.

He examined the overlord. His brown hair was so bouncy, each curl so perfect and defined. His face was tan and seemingly soft with blushed cheeks and little freckles… Alastor stared forward at the wall, seeming disassociated- staring into nothingness- but maintaining a small, quivering smirk. He looked at the man’s pink lips, glossy from sweat and possibly tears from before. The man’s white dress shirt was 3/4 of the way buttoned, showing a little bit of his skin underneath. The shirt was a little see through, so he was able to see the bandages underneath. He looked so normal. So… enticing. So-

No he can’t. This is the Radio Demon, having thoughts like that would be absolutely foolish.

He was deep in his thoughts until he heard the sounds of deep breathing from the man, taking him away from his thoughts and onto the face of the radio host- he seemed to be deep in thought, but whatever he was thinking about seemed to not be very great by the way that his brows furrowed, and how his smirk tensed- as if it was ready to fall any moment. The man’s eyes seemed glossy.

Well, this is new.

“Smiles, Hey Smiles- you okay?” Angel asked, inching his way closer to the man. He knew that Alastor didn’t like to be touched, but he took it upon himself to take a leap of faith and place his hand on the man’s shoulder. The man was sweating, and with the sudden contact his breath hitched.

“Alastor?”

If he was still a demon, there would be radio dials in the man’s eyes, but when his eyes met the eyes of Angels, all Angel saw was big, brown eyes staring back at him. Angry, Scared, Weak.

The man’s smile trembled, then fell.

This whole scene looked wrong.

He took his eyes off of Alastor to see if anyone else was paying attention, if anyone else had seen what he had just witnessed, but they were too busy trying to figure out what to do with the former Radio Demon. Alastor looked like he was about to lose it.

“What’s going on Al?” Angel asked softly.

Alastor looked away, tightening his fists until they turned red. He looked like he was about to cry. He looked like he was going to either start puking, or hyperventilating- and Angel did not know which one it would be.

“I need my powers… I need something… I can’t… I need to get the fuck out of here.” The man said quietly- his voice breaking. The spider knew that if the man did have his powers, he would be ripping the room apart right now.

“Do you want me to take you to your new tower?”

Alastor hesitated for a moment, before responding- staring into angels eyes as a noticeably unwanted tear rolled down his cheek.

“If that’s okay dear, yes.”

#alternate universe #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel fanfiction #alastor hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel alastor #human alastor #alastor #charlie hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #hazbin hotel charlie #hazbin hotel vaggie #vaggie hazbin hotel #angel dust hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel angel dust #hazbin hotel husk #husk hazbin hotel #human again au #angel dust #radiodust

[donnabenevientosimpingzone]

Complex feelings and absolute pandemonium about my mental health aside- going back to reread and look at old posts to relive memories (mostly the very bad cuz I was not a good person when I was in the fandom and am beyond embarrassed about it-) has been an absolute disaster of a healing journey.

May be redrawing some old sketches as a checkpoint of that, so comic updates are going to slow.

I ask that everyone remain polite to my wishes and not tag anyone who you see my art addressing. For example if a draw or redraw fanart from a fanfic, do not reblog tagging the author.

Most certainly I am not remembered fondly by those people, and that’s okay.

In my answer to the Donna headcannons ask, I included one very specific relationship headcannon. It’s not a coincidence- that was me. Back when I was part of this fandom during its peak- I was that lil toxic jerk that ruined shit for other people. I have no excuses for this- young and dumb, pretherapy, unknowingly, flat out being stupid- it doesn’t excuse my actions. As much as I wanted to be a good person- I was not- I did good things- but at my core I was rotting. I still am tending to parts of it.

People are going to remember me as that lil toxic jerk. That’s why I hope ya’ll respect my wishes as I redraw old stuff. Everyone deserves to enjoy their passions without someone, something- a memory- ruining it (again) for them.

I’m sharing these redraws because there’s a story here I hope people take inspiration from. Whether the story is about forgiving others for their past mistakes, learning that you’re not alone, or embracing your embarrassments- that’s different for every person. If that story is lost on people, I have every right to delete it all.

And as for that headcannon, Donna has and always will be the person who trekked beside me through this hellscape that is my mind. As I’ve written stories and drawn more where she gets that happy ending, I see a road for myself- as corny as that could have possibly sounded. There are weights I carry that I must learn to let go- memories of people who have come into my life for a season and changed me forever that probably even despise me now- and one of them is going to be Donna eventually.

Eventually.

For now she’s still very much on the forefront of my mind lmao.

Thank you for coming to my TEDTalk<3

And for you, you know who you are- the one who was the largest victim of my toxic foolery and had the unfortunate responsibility where I crashed upon you from tumblr dms and just wouldn’t leave you the fuck alone because of your work- if you’re by any slim possible fucking chance you’re reading this: thank you for moving on. It sounds so silly, but abandoning me was the right choice, despite all my abandonment issues. I cannot ask for forgiveness after the manipulative bullshit I did to you- the best that I can ask is that your best is an even better person then before for those that’ll have the blessing to be let into your life. Which, from what I’ve read on the latest update to said work, I am reassured you have.

#donna beneviento #shitpost

[nerves-nebula]

Sorry bout this thing but I kinda wanted to tell my thoughts about your stuff. Im kind of hoping this will get drowned in your inbox honestly, since this is just a really long unsolicited rant of mine.

Sometimes when i scroll through your account and I encounter csa, incest and mentions of suicide in your posts I get uncomfortable but then I remember that one phrase that goes something like "Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comforted" and I just feel kinda bad bout myself.

When I was a kid my nannys bf forced me to kiss him in the lips whenever we met. I was 6. It was uncomfortable. I never did tell my nanny about it. My parents are both police people and my mother had long explained the concept of rape and how unconsensual touch is bad and you shouldnt allow that but something prevented me from telling anyone what was happening. I dont know why. I know they would immiedietly jail that guy if they did but somehow it felt like no one would believe me. I never told them until now, then when I was what, 6-8 years old? I cant even remember. Yeah somewhere around that, he molested me when my nanny was few feet away and asleep and for the next 4 years of my life i felt dirty. Desecrated. Stupid. I couldnt even look down at my naked body when i shower back then, but somehow I managed to trudge on living by trying to forget the fact it happened. Its been 8 years since Ive last seen him. Ive told anyone who I knew who doesnt care enough to be friends with me but cared enough to listen about it but my Parents are none the wiser and i plan on keeping it that way.

Also. Im a year away from being legal now. Ive thought about killing myself or just generally not wanting to exist anymore many times since then, cuz lifes equipped with motolov cocktails of "get fucked dumbass" and i somehow managed to get a coupon for at least a million of them.

(I hope that line made you laugh if you read this).

Coming back to the phrase i mentioned earlier, it feels weird whenever i feel something similar to the feeling of being triggered while looking at csa being depicted. By definition, i would be considered a victim, and id of course would be comforted by seeing similar experiences happen to people because relating to something usually induces a positive feeling. I dont. I see your art and it guts me. It guts me and the fact that it does also guts me, because what does that mean? I am supposed to be the comforted? Despite the fact that I was taken advantage of as a child and spent night after might thinking how stupid i was and why I let that happen to me even when I was equiped with the information that makes me less vulnerable than other children? So i do I correspond more with those who are defined as comforted then, was i not disturbed after all? Was i victimizing myself all along? Am I a bad person for thinking i was? No wait, that doesnt make any sense at all. Its all wrong. Why am I so guilty about this? Why am i subjecting myself to this?

And then it repeats.

I still go through your blog because well, i love tmnt, i love your artstyle, i love the way you tell stories, I love how you dont sugar coat csa, incest and other darker topics like body horror, erotism and sadism, i hate how much it haunts me, i love the fact i can relate, i hate how much you hurt them, i love the fact that you dont hold back, i love how you show the ugly sides of healing, i love how you depict how much people can change and struggle. Its comforting to me. Its discomforting to me. I stick hand into the fire knowing I would be burned, then I do.

And i like it. I like it somehow, like taking a nice smoke break when you have mild asthma, but like, better. Its a nice change of pace to feel so conflicted like this, its a nice change of pace to feel anything at all really.

But yeah. Tldr. Sorry for the trauma dump and your art makes me feel complicated. Its neat 👍

lot to reply to here! also, unfortunately for you, i check my inbox obsessively and dont get nearly as many asks as you seem to believe i do.

so firstly, no snappy saying is meant to encompass all of human experience, and you certainly shouldn't judge yourself for not fitting into it. easier said than done, i know, but still. i'm gonna try to address some things here, not gonna touch on all of it, but just know that i appreciate you sitting down to write me this.

(I hope that line made you laugh if you read this).

it made me smile, but i laughed at this, because it's a very sweet look into you writing this. puts into perspective how, even though this is public, it was written TO me. like a letter in victorian times or something. that's sweet, i like that.

and id of course would be comforted by seeing similar experiences happen to people because relating to something usually induces a positive feeling. I dont.

you're making a lot of assumptions here that are kind of wild in that "this thought process was clearly designed by your mind to upset you specifically" sort of way. I mean, would you say this to literally anyone else when they feel uncomfortable or triggered about viewing media that relates to their trauma? There's really no telling what a survivor will feel comforted by and you aren't Doing It Wrong by having a different reaction.

there's a reason i tag it as "csa tw" and that's so people can AVOID it as well as search it up.

how stupid i was and why I let that happen to me even when I was equipped with the information that makes me less vulnerable than other children?

i know you recognize at the end of the thought process that this is not true, but i feel the need to reiterate: there is no such thing as being less vulnerable than other children through your own actions. you can try to equip kids with knowledge that might protect them, but that doesn't make them any less vulnerable.

my dad told me about rape and molestation all the time, but he never accounted for the kinds of scenarios i was actually the most likely to fall victim to, partly because i don't think he actually knew much about childhood sexual abuse, and partly because he was more obsessed with the idea of me being kidnapped and raped/murdered than he was about forms of sexual abuse he'd consider more "mild"

No wait, that doesnt make any sense at all. Its all wrong. Why am I so guilty about this? Why am i subjecting myself to this?

i can't answer that one, unfortunately. personally, i like to feel gutted, it's cathartic to me. might be something like that to you, based on how you go on to describe it, but you might also be doing some kinda self harm.

I stick hand into the fire knowing I would be burned, then I do.

saaaaame. i triggered myself into a breakdown in class once cuz i'd been reading fucked fanfiction before class and i got SAD lol.

Its a nice change of pace to feel so conflicted like this, its a nice change of pace to feel anything at all really.

we are shaking hands over this.

anywho, no need to apologize! i am glad, if nothing else, to provide you with a strange and upsetting experience that is not entirely bad.

I really do adore hearing how my stuff makes people feel. it's like, a solid one third of the reason i do this. i still make stuff that doesn't exist to be shown off but WOW showing shit off and getting a response feels FANTASTIC. like, i'm in your head now!! you have been CHANGED by my ART. it's maybe the best part of being alive.

#nnstuff #ask #csa tw #asks are sweethearts

[demondamage]

MediwhumpMay Day 20 - Breakdown

I am currently out of town so no art just writing! This is a continuation of Day 17

Cw: mentions of previous trauma/surgery/intentional brain damage, minor "training" elements

Even though Aziphem's wrists and ankles were bound, the bed he woke up in was softer than the normal lab cell. A mess of thick yarn blankets, slightly scratchy yet warm. He was still nude, but someone had been kind enough to cover him with one of those heavy blankets. The cold air touched his shaved head, brushing his already healing stitches. The angel must have cleaned him up after sedating him.

"Good morning." Speak of the devil, if that wouldnt be ironic to say. Kotarou's forever calm voice sent a streak of panic through Aziphem as he struggled to manipulate the restrains into a sitting position.

"Where did you take me this time?"

"Relax, it's my spare bedroom. Nowhere special." The angel yawned, sipping a large mug of coffee. "I figured after last night it would be worth it to let you have a decent bed."

As much as Aziphem hated to admit it... he did love the angel's house. Old wooden construction overlooking a valley of sunflower fields. The thatch roof and worn wood let the breeze in and there was always a window open.

"Why start being merciful now? You've tortured me long enough?"

"The path to a cure for your... dark tendencies may involve more than just physical restoration. While your brain is apparently very human, it's obvious it is flawed in that human way."

"You can just say I'm fucked up angel."

"Very well." Kotarou let out a low chuckled. "You're fucked up. Why?"

"Because I'm am evil demon with no impulse control?" Sarcasm dripped from those words, but Aziphem knew Kotarou could see through his bullshit.

"I get the idea that you were fucked up before that." The angel set down his coffee and stood up, stretching his lean frame. "That was... a lot of brain damage. Was that what killed you?"

Of course he had to bring that up.

"I told you I can't talk about it."

"You don't remember do you?"

For a moment, Aziphem was able to meet Kotarou's piercing eyes and found them to contain none of the normal irritation. There was genuine sympathy.

"Its... in pieces." He mumbled, breaking away and falling back into bed. Honestly, he wished it was more in pieces. The less he could remember the better.

"What do you remember?"

Aziphem tensed at the weight that joined him on the bed pulling away from where the angel sat next to him. A hand touched his leg, only to be quickly kicked away as he struggled to the other side of the bed.

"Nothing."

"I think you're lying."

"Angel I remember nothing and you will get nothing from me on this."

"So the name Daunte Taylor means nothing to you?"

That name, that man was everything to him.

Ice seized Aziphem's chest, freezing his bowels and numbing his lips. The only thing that failed to slow was the time around him, and the angel waited for an answer that would not leave his lips.

He could barely muster enough to shake his head. A half-hearted lie that no words could have made even slightly convincing.

"So there's no reason for it to imprinted on the inside of your skull?"

Of course. They had probably labeled it one of the many times they opened his head to poke around. Just thinking of it gave him the disturbingly familiar feeling of numbness that came with those operations.

Aziphem didn't even want to come up with some angry quip to get the angel out of his head. He just wanted to stop thinking. His body compromised with a small shake of the head.

"Hey hey, I need you to talk to me, you were doing so well." Kotarou reached down, trying to pull his face up to look him in the eyes.

"Look at me."

Gruff, harsh, aged by a lifetime of cigarettes. The voice ringing in Aziphem's ears was not Kotarou's. Not an angel's voice. No this was the voice of the kind of man who would sign his name inside his victims skull.

Aziphem squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, not daring to open and see if he really was there. He couldn't be. He was dead. Aziphem had killed him himself. But the gruff voice spoke again.

"Look at me damn it. You will respond when ordered!"

No. No he had a choice this time. Aziphem shook his head again, biting his cheek hard enough to draw blood.

"I said LOOK AT ME!" The hand released and Aziphem immediately braced for the slap.

Don't react.

Don't react Don't react if they see you react they take the reaction from you.

If you flinch they take your right to flinch away. If you cry out they cut your vocal cords. If you step back they break your ankles. If they find a defect in your mind they break it with a jolt and slice. Don't react. Dont react.

The hand finally returned, not with the sting Aziphem had expected but with a soft caress of his cheek. No it was a trick. Don't react.

But those soft hands laid him down. Those soft hands covered him with a thick heavy blanket. These were not the hands of his first abusers.

That didn't mean he felt safe to open his eyes, less he find himself in that hell again.

#whump #whump writing

[4ragon]

Can I convince you to play Octopath Traveler 2?

Hello my lovely followers! I have recently run into a problem where I have fallen in love with another video game and do not have enough people to talk about it with. I have therefore decided I’m going to do what I do best and talk WAY too much about the subject for an unreasonable amount of time. 

So! Why should you, dear followers of mine, play this hip new rpg called Octopath Traveler 2?

Well, to put it simply, this game was the most genuine fun I’ve had playing a video game in a very long time!

What is Octopath Traveler 2?

Octopath Traveler 2 is a new turn based action rpg by Square Enix, combining the charm of old school pixel art with modern graphical capabilities to create one of the most beautiful-looking 2D games out there. Like. It’s so pretty! Look at this shit!

It’s so good! Look at that presentation! Great graphics, full voice acting, orchestrated music, just. The presentation, guys!

The Gameplay

Now. Here’s the deal. I am not the most crazy about turn-based rpgs. I like them fine, but they can get very repetitive! Pokemon is a prime example. Rival sends out a Charizard? Well, better go get my Vaporeon and wreck his shit! And yes, I know there’s more strategy behind it, but like. I have never once bothered. At a certain point, the game is just “water beats fire, grind levels until you win” and that’s kind of as much as you need to bother with.

BUT

BUT BUT BUT

Here’s the deal. Octopath (both 1 and 2) is SO much fun. It is the greatest turn based rpg I have ever played. Because it’s no longer about elemental damage and sending out the right Pokemon that a lot of other turn based games use.

In each fight, the enemy has an unknown list of weaknesses, which you can discover as you fight. Each successful attack chips away at their “shield points,” until you can knock the enemy out for one round, weakening their defenses and stopping them from mercilessly beating your ass. (At least until they wake up in the next round and get to attack first.)

There are also boost points which build up each turn, just as long as you don’t use them up. Those either boost the damage on your single attack OR, and here’s the kicker, allows you do use a regular melee attack up to four times.

These two things in tandem open up a HUGE amount of strategizing! Suddenly, it’s not “will my Vaporeon be able to use hydro pump before Charizard uses fly,” it’s “do I use my turn to heal, or do I boost my attacks so I can knock this boss out before he kills me? Do I knock him out now, or do I save my boost points to do one massive attack once he’s weaker? Do I knock all of the enemies out at the same time, or should I stagger it so they don’t all Kick My Teeth In next round?”

It’s about timing! It’s about strategy! It’s like one huge puzzle combined with all of the terror of a normal action rpg! And it’s!!! So fucking fun!!!!

Just. I know most of the people following me are following me for my love of murder mystery visual novels like Ace Attorney, so this may be a bit of a harder sell than if I was trying to convince you all to play Murder By Numbers or Return of the Obra Dinn, but still! It’s not too terribly difficult to get into the game, and hey, it’s turn based! Reaction speed not required.

(Important note: Octopath Traveler OG is also just as fun to play. They added some cool mechanics in 2, and tweaked certain characters’ movesets, but overall, both are just as much fun. Try 8path 1 too! I highly recommend it.)

The Music

I have a running list of games with the greatest soundtracks of all time. We got Zelda of course, we got Kingdom Hearts, Ace Attorney, but Octopath is quickly clobbering its way into my favorites. Every single track in both games slaps so hard. Boss fights? Town music? CHARACTER MUSIC? I mean. Come on.

Come on.

Every song is gorgeous. Fully orchestrated, incredibly well done. I don't know shit about music theory, but 8-Bit Music Theory did a cool video on game one that I think holds up pretty well.

AND, because this game added a Day/Night cycle, most of the songs have multiple arrangements. Even the character themes have multiple arrangements. And I won’t spoil any of them here, but I swear, when Agnea’s final battle track started playing, I had the biggest, goofiest grin on my face. It’s just. It’s so good you guys.

The Story and Characters

Okay. Alright. Here’s where Octopath Traveler 2 goes from good to great. And here’s also where Octopath 2 edges out the first Octopath game. Now, this is not a dig at the original game. Play the original game! I love it so much! The characters are so much fun! The story is wonderful! But Octopath Traveler 2 does everything I wanted the original Octopath to do and more! More character interactions! More story! An endgame that isn’t deeply anticlimactic and actually involves the characters I care about! It’s so good.

Octopath Traveler 2, of course, stars 8 wildly different characters, each with completely different motivations and completely different skillsets, both in and out of battles. Different weapons, different spells, and different ways to interact with the NPCs around you.

And man, I love every single one of these characters so much. I feel like there’s a character for everybody, I’ve seen so much art of basically all of the main cast because every one of them is so different and interesting.

There's a favorite for everyone! We’ve got the dark, broody character, the pure-of-heart character, the character struggling with a dark curse. We’ve got revenge, chosen ones, amnesia, cowboys, one asshole detective who I am a little bit in love with. (Murder mysteries, guys! Come on! That’s my jam!) Often times, there’s usually one character that falls a little flat to me, but I just find all of them so much fun, even the ones with less going on in their backstories. They're fun! They're charming! I love it!

None of these stories are particularly complicated, of course. It’s no Tales game, where the stories twist and turn and build on each other constantly. In fact, by the very nature of this conceit, where no player character is the true main character, they can’t really build the sort of story other RPGs would usually have. Each character’s story is simple, even if they branch into different routes and do slowly start to tie into each other in subtle ways. Sure, there were surprises (and like holy shit to a few of these surprises) but overall, the stories are simple and straightforward.

And yet, even with 8 relatively simple stories, the characters absolutely shine. Sure, I took one look at the character who secretly did that murder in chapter one and went, “Ah. It was absolutely you.” And sure, we had an evil king who was so cartoonishly evil to the point of becoming farcical. But still, these stories didn’t have to be these huge, sprawling, mindblowing paths. They’re about the leads growing and meeting new people and bettering themselves. Each route has its own eclectic bunch of NPCs that bring so much life and color to the world, from the put-upon knight being dragged around by the world’s shittiest cleric to the happy-go-lucky scrivener looking for her big scoop to whatever the FUCK is happening with the Blacksnakes holy shit jesus christ what the actual fu

These stories made me laugh. They’ve made me cheer. They made me sob like a baby. They made me rage so fucking hard that I had to put down the computer for several hours and lay on the ground, which to be fair was absolutely the intended effect but I’m also still so fucking mad about it I swear to god.

PLUS

PLUS PLUS PLUS

Okay, I always say a jrpg with a huge cast rides or dies on their character interaction. Love is found in the found family y’all. And, again, it’s certainly no Tales game, in part because the game isn’t quite as scripted, but there’s still so much. Each chapter has a set number of side conversations between whoever is in your party (which if you miss them you can go back to that chapter in your menu and watch them anyway thank god). Several pairs of characters get to go on fun little side quests together throughout the story. Characters talk to each other during battles, which doesn’t feel like a ton but it really does add so much charm. They feel like friends, and even if they don’t tend to interact during story cutscenes, it feels like their relationships grow and develop over the course of oh holy shit I played 90 hours? Oops. Well. Whatever. That’s fine.

Anyway. That’s my pitch. Play this game. Join me in hell. Come on. You know you want to.

#octopath #octopath traveler #octopath traveler 2 #whoops why did i spend an hour writing this

[pinkykats-place]

Fantasy AU BakuDeku

AO3 Fanfic Recommendations

Disclaimers!

Art is not mine! Credit to @novaneondream

None of the stories linked below are mine.

Some contain mature content so please read tags on AO3.

Note: If you read any of these stories and like them please let the author know with a kudos and/or comment!

Playing with Flowers by SilentJo

Summary: “What is all of this? Are you a grown man playing with flowers?” Barbarian Prince Katsuki had asked after the herbalist Deku bumped into him and scattered his plants and herbs to the ground. Deku's fiery response draws Katsuki's interest, enough to initiate the courtship ritual known well in his country, Kamino. But Deku has no idea why he keeps getting head-pats from Katsuki.

One Shot | SFW

How to Train Your Useless Dragon by Mikacrispy

Summary: Bakugou Katsuki needs to kill a dragon to take its teeth and become a warrior of his tribe.

But, what? Why the fuck doesn't this dragon have teeth?

— — —

Written from the promp "What if Izuku was the dragon?"

Shamelessly How to Train Your Dragon inspired.

Complete | 30 Chapters | SFW

Forever, right Kacchan? by Anonymous

Summary: Katsuki met Izuku when they were 3 years old, and he knew he wanted to keep the green haired boy by his side forever. They were each other's first friend, so it was only natural the blond wanted to keep that bond for the rest of his life. Katsuki and Izuku learn what "forever" really means to them as they grow up.

Complete | 19 Chapters

Rated - Mature

The Other Side of the Door by Dontmindme9

Summary: Izuku becomes Prince Shouto's personal servant. Because Izuku has to follow him around every day, they get really close. When Izuku gets lost while on an errand, Shouto does everything he can to find him again. Meanwhile, Izuku is saved by a wild Bakugou. Inside the angry teen, Izuku see's a side of Bakugou that no one has taken the time to see. Both take a liking to the innocent green haired boy, and refuse to give him up.

Complete | 52 Chapters | SFW

The dragon @silverynight

Summary: Now, this golden dragon with red eyes could actually kill him, besides, he's already pissed because he's hurt, someone stabbed one of his elbows and he's bleeding a little. The sword is still stuck in his skin.

"Hello..." Izuku takes a couple of steps closer, knowing Iida (one of prince Todoroki's knights) would probably tell him not to get himself into trouble. It's a good thing he's not there.

The dragon growls, as a warning, but he doesn't use his fire against Izuku so he takes it as a good sign.

Complete | 2 Chapters | SFW

Show me your thorns, love by princejaelofbabylon

Summary: “You'll regret this,” Katsuki warns weakly. “I don't know how to… I've never been in a relationship with anyone before." He bows his head. "I might hurt you, even without meaning to.”

Deku scoffs, pulling back slightly. "You underestimate me, sir." Scarred hands cup his face, and when Katsuki looks up, he sees a fierceness in those green eyes, burning bright with a determination that takes his breath away.

“Tell me, Kacchan—do I strike you as someone afraid to bleed?”

— — —

Or, a sweet little story about a retired grumpy warrior who doesn't think he's worthy of love, and the kind witch who proves him wrong.

Complete | 2 Chapters | Implied Smut

Chosen by Phayte

Summary: Barbarian Alpha Bakugou must pick his future Omega from the neighboring Kingdom-- Midoriya.

Complete | 93 Chapters

NSFW | OmegaVerse

The Chosen of the Dragonborn by s_the_queen

Summary: "Katsuki."

"That's right!"

"Blonde, angry, loud. Violent. That Katsuki."

"Uh...yep! That's the one!"

"Is courting me?"

"Mhm!"

"I'm pretty sure the last time he saw me he said that he was 'glad to be rid of my stupid fucking freckled face,'" Izuku intoned dryly.

---

Four years ago, Izuku spent twelve days healing Katsuki after discovering him in the woods. When they parted ways, he never thought he'd hear from Katsuki again.

When Mina, one of the warrior fae of Musutafu, shows up on his doorstep—he realizes how insanely wrong he was.

Complete | 2 Chapters | SFW

One Snowy Night by silentsongbird

Summary: On the night of Christmas Eve, chubby elf Izuku Midoriya is walking home during the beginning of a blizzard. On his journey to the warmth and safety of his cottage, he runs into an injured Krampus. Unable to resist helping the beast, Izuku invites him into his home to tend to his wounds. The two end up snowed in and the poor little elf ends up trapped with the beast who just wants to show his thanks.

One Shot | NSFW

if the stars align, then for us they were meant by RunawayDeviant

Summary: Katsuki and Eijirou crash land in a forest to the south of their homeland. Injured and stranded, they befriend a local nature spirit, who is much more than he first appears to be.

Complete | 6 Chapters | NSFW

Love Potion Recipe by MellowWrites

Summary: Katsuki hates dealing with customers, but this strange barbarian keeps coming around and, yeah, maybe he likes him.

One Shot | NSFW

You're gonna be the death of me (in a good way) by MiraChaDoodles

Summary: He looked down at himself and the fresh clothing Katsuki had changed him into before his freckled cheeks bloomed into a pretty pink. It was like the sun rising beneath the stars, and Katsuki found himself wishing he had time to count them. 

But then Izuku’s posture stiffened. “Where is my clothing?”

Shit.

--

Katsuki rescues an injured faery by the river and decides to keep him.

Complete | 4 Chapters | NSFW

The Littlest Things by Fantasticnic

Summary: Katsuki buys a farm where he can truly be alone but starts to notice signs of someone else around. Tiny signs.

One Shot | SFW

but the entrails are the best part! by supercrunch

Summary: The boy straightens up. He’s about half a head shorter than Katsuki, face soft and youthful and sweet. He turns to look at him properly. His dark hair shines in the dying light, basket of blooms looped over one arm and mouth quirked into a tiny half-smile. The sun hits his face and makes his eyes a bright greeny-gold, just like emeralds.

Katsuki likes emeralds.

“Pretty,” he says, reaching out and picking the stranger up around the middle. He’s surprisingly heavy, although Katsuki doesn’t mind. “I like you. Come see my nest.”

The boy hits him.

He’s stronger than he looks, turns out. Katsuki drops him and falls onto his back, pain blooming across his face. Birds sing. The sky’s a lovely shade of orange, clouds floating lazily by. The boy scarpers. He leaves his basket of flowers behind, footsteps thumping on the ground and fading away as he escapes.

The sun sets. Katsuki, lying flat on his back with a bloody nose, decides he’s just fallen in love.

One Shot | SFW

Series:Uncharted Territory by Esselle

Summary: It's Deku who decided Katsuki would be "Kacchan"; he wasn't born in the wilds, but Deku is his tribe, now. And because Deku named him, it's to him Katsuki is bound.

Katsuki has a right to him, needs to know him in every way, as intimately as possible.

Barbarian!Deku/Adventurer!Kacchan.

Two Part Series

All Was Golden In The Sky by CallMeCharles

Summary: Izuku was only ten years old when his best friend, the great Prince Katsuki, died mysteriously. With the king and queen gone, mourning the loss of their son, the kingdom falls prey to a gang of thugs. Twelve years later, everything is looking bleak when Izuku finds himself back in the castle he used to run around in as a child. A castle that is not as abandoned as he thought. 

Beauty and the Beast AU

Complete | 32 Chapters

The chase by silverynight

Summary: "OI, YOU PIECE OF–" the tall barbarian with blond hair stops once his eyes meet. He doesn't look like the friendly type.

Honestly, he doesn't want to get into any trouble today, besides, fighting could make him sweat and people will realize he's actually–

"Omega," the barbarian smirks. He smells like an alpha, a very strong alpha. "Listen, I don't usually do this, but I'll be kind to you this time, show me your neck and I'll forgive you."

Complete | 3 CH | OmegaVerse

Rated - Teen & Up

Tiny Nuisance by Mikacrispy

Summary: Elf Katsuki has been going crazy with desire over the small halfling Izuku. When his control finally snaps, the little one finds out the dangers of teasing someone twice his size.

One Shot | NSFW

Into the Dragon's Lair by bkdkwritingsdump

Summary: Prince Izuku Midoriya wishes that someone will come and save him from a political marriage to a woman he can't love, but he never expected it would be a dragon, much less that the dragon would be in love with him, and that he might... maybe... sort of... return those feelings.

Complete | 5 Chapters

Rated - Teen & Up

burn, pine, perish by kindaopps

Summary: Three things dawned on Izuku, as he stared at the slick flower petals scattered over the black words of his book: he has fallen in love with his husband, his husband did not love him back, and he is going to die.

One Shot | Contains Mature Content

Mark Me (I Won’t Let You Out Of My Sight Again) by SashaDistan

Summary: When Barbarian King Katsuki Bakugo hears his childhood nickname called out from the group of travellers, traders, and adventurers his people have just raided in order to protect them from their own stupidity, he thinks he is dreaming.

And then he sees just how much the boy-next-door has grown up and changed, and all the thing he's felt for decades rise up inside him.

One thing is for sure, he cannot let Izuku slip through his fingers a second time.

One Shot | NSFW

Mine, If Only for One Night by red_sneakers

Summary: Katsuki'd give just about anything for one night on equal footing with his clumsy, ugly, good-for-nothing, idiotic, beloved nerd.

“I.. Izu.. “ he tried. His new voice was deep and rough, like a pirate who ate cigars for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. “I.. zu.. ku.” Katsuki’s chest warmed. Izuku’s name felt right resonating inside his own ribcage, as if it belonged there and nowhere else. “Izuku.” He smiled. “M-mine.”

--

The one where jealous possessive pixie, Bakugou Katsuki, gives everything for one night as a human, to make Izuku his.

Complete | 3 Chapters

Rated - Explicit

To Fall in Love with a Dragon by Mikacrispy

Summary: Barbarian prince Bakugou Katsuki falls in love with a Dragon shifter.

{One Shot}

Rated - Explicit

Ties and Ribbons by Mikacrispy

Summary: The Spring Festival is upon them and Bakugou Katsuki has to put up with a parade of extras courting the one that ought to be his omega, Midoriya Izuku. His pride gets the best of him and Katsuki ends up striking a bet with Kaminari — he'll get Izuku's courting ribbon and the promise to mate the omega, or else he'll lose his sword.

Too bad that the omega runs away the second he sets eye on Bakugou.

One Shot | OmegaVerse

Rated - Explicit

oh, how quickly things change by SpicyJam

Summary: "… I was trying to find someone to /start/ a family with. But everyone's scared of me."

Katsuki snorts, breaking eye contact first. "You're a dragon."

"Mm…" Deku grabs his hand again, as if he's still deciding if he's allowed to touch. "… You're not scared of me, though."

Katsuki glances up. A feeling of heat pools in his belly at the smile that Deku is giving him.

"Guess not."

---

Katsuki is a dragon hunter, and Deku is the dragon that claims him.

One Shot | NSFW

#bakudeku #fantasy au #bkdk fantasy #bakudeku fantasy au #elf midoriya #fae midoriya #bakudeku recommendations #bakugou katsuki x midoriya izuku #fanfic recommendation #ao3 bakudeku recs #fic rec #barbarian prince bakugo #barbarian bakugou x adventurer midoriya #chubby elf midoriya #krampus bakugo x elf midoriya #nymph midoriya #beauty and the beast au #forest guardian Midoriya #cursed bakugo #faery izuku midoriya #prince bakugo x servant midoriya #barbarian midoriya x adventurer bakugo #retired warrior bakugo x witch midoriya #dragon deku x viking Baku #dragon shifter midoriya izuku #sprite midoriya #bakudeku fic rec #barbarian deku #apothecary Bakugou #alchemist bakugo

[unsleepingtales]

Fhjy e2 reactions this episode is batshit and I love them but also I’m so sad

I’ll be so real gang I am stressed and have been in a downwards thought spiral so we’ll see how this goes yeah?

I love Adaine making her mage hand look like Riz’s ringed hand that’s so fun and lovely

Also the mage hand mini is so cool

Don’t patronize me, it’s bad 😔

Goddamn they’re good

Would you be interested in healing us?? Spare healing o cleric??

I love that they could heal the hangvan

The night yorb’s art is SO cute I need a plushie of it. I’m gonna just buy galaxy patterned fleece and make one.

It feels like a stretch???

It’s gonna bite!

I just thought if I acted excited it would be good

Naur 💀

Armor of ayda!!!

Go sit on a whisky bottle you punk bitch !

Duggan and Balthazar definitely explored each others bodies we’re all agreed on this right. In my mind they had something like the cowboy and the roman soldier from night at the museum had.

“This is hot” Emily I agreeeee

Perfect example of gambler’s fallacy but y’know what this did just reinforce it

Nothing I can do! Brennan. Brennan come on.

That’s a feat I took in LIFE

They THREW that that die TRAVELLED

“You know I’m always rooting for you”

Oh GOD

No more probability smashing ok murph?

Y’know what for being fully run over by a van? 22 points of damage is not bad.

Was last episode really only two rounds of combat

He is So defeated

I’m hurting 😡

ALSO the portal is so cool. This battle set is amazing.

The blood on the windshield I can’t

Oooooof

Can she resummon Baby?? Has he died before I can’t remember?

“From when you ran me over” as if Fabian is not Solely responsible for the choices he’s made. Riz didn’t intentionally run you over babe you fell out of the van.

This is. Not great!

What hell!

Oh nooooo

Cmon Murph please

SHIT

Oh god

Oh my god you are about to kill your healer

She had 23!!

Aaaaaaaaa oh god

:( I feel bad for the cute manta ray

Ally’s gonna sue you if they hit you

With my wizarding powers and my absolutely fucked van ! Gorgug thistlespring the man that you are

OH SHIIIIIIT

Yessss

Ok yeah that makes sense that was on the bingo

Ok so the van now holds the night yorb sealed in its roof and an angel in the engine. Fantastic.

That mural is beautiful

They’re so exhausted guys. School starts tomorrow.

(What an episode to air the week I go back to class and have Such A Bad Time Guys)

Eeeeeeeeeesh

Don’t menace me!

It means something to me emotionally. Gorgug Car Guy Thistlespring <3

You wanted to do a bit so now we’re doing a bit. Suffer for your bit.

Does the back door of the van mini open?? Bc that’s sick

Ooooh Ally has custom spell cards with the d20 logo on them. Those are neat

He’s gonna stab these guys but it’s not with any of the normal zeal 😔

Jesus

Just to try and feel something

JESUS

Why do you guys careee you’re bugssss

Brennan.

Zac oh god

‘Guys I think Fig’s getting hit with the ballista right now’

She doesn’t even cutting words she just takes it 😭😭

It’s that era, The Ball 😭😭

Oh my fucking god

The noises of defeat they’re all making

I want an ice cream. Like the old days.

Just like that ART oh I’m gonna reblog that art of them at basrar’s so bloody after a fight

I love them. I missed the bad kids guys.

I think we’ve gotta go to sleep.

Wooooo

Love an aso callback

Love wins 💅

We’re done doing this!!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME

What kind of BULLSHIT

God this is so unhinged

No bonus action healing or anything Kristen?

Brennaaaaaan

So tactical. So late. So dead.

The slowest and saddest three point turn

The least enthusiastic stab

You didn’t! Have! To do it! You could! Have had! Ice cream! I! Want! To go! Home!!!

Oooooof

OOOOOF

That Turncoat 😢

This is so fucking sad.

What the fuck man

I don’t know why anything happened. Why did any of that happened.

The shard of the day yorb

Fig why would you ask that.

Riz desperately trying to keep the group together is so heartbreaking

The fucking dry guys

BY MEPHITS FOR MEPHITS

Gotta stay awake in the dome motherfuckers

Oh my GOD

They’re gonna cry man

Dome art!

Brennan what are you about to do

Daisy Cubby!!!!

Fig. What.

I’M gonna cry.

Everyone’s gonna cry.

Is it fun man. Is it really.

Map!!!

It says fuck you zac ☺️ in beautiful writing!

Emily Axford the woman you are……….

What the fuck is happening right now.

Oh god oh no

This is so horrifying

Kristen. Kristen No.

I love the map!

Oh god.

Oh the Hallariel art is FANTASTIC

Are they going on their honeymoon. I have paused the episode to write this are hallariel and Gilear going on a honeymoon did they get married and not invite their kids because they were saving the world I’m gonna be so pissed

Oh the Gilear art is cursed

Okay they’re going on a cruise.

Gilear’s voice has dropped

Oh SHIT okay so I wasn’t that far off

This is just. So fucking sad. I know that it’s gonna get happier because it’s fantasy high but right now this is so fucking sad

They’re newlyweds??? So they did fucking get married?????

Leaving for MONTHS after your only child gets back from saving the world and you got married to one of his best friends’ dad without your child or your new spouse’s child there is so horrible oh my god. I am real life mad about this.

Ok interesting things happening with Gilear and luck. Is Gilear not gonna go see Fig at Mordred before he leaves for a year???

Guys there is still almost an hour left in this episode is it all gonna be this fucking sad

Oh my god he inherited the singing barrel pirates

Good for them being unionized

Sklondaaaaaa

She’s got her own boarddddd

I love her

God they’re powerful this season

SKLONDA ART FUCKS

Oh thank god a loving mother.

It was… ssso tactical

That summer before junior year growth spurt/style shift combo is so real

Oh shit. The single mother struggling to pay for college storyline is gonna fuck me up monumentally I think. Fuck.

Scholarships are gonna be really important 🥲 line taken from my real life

Setting up a board is to riz gukgak what a spreadsheet is to me. I am him he is me.

Please god I need the thistlesprings to not make me sad

They’re so cute!!!!

Zac looks fucking near tears

Oh god any time Brennan’s face gets a little more serious and the music kicks in my heart just sinks

GORGUG AND ZELDA BROKE UP? 😭😭

That does not make any sort of sense

Staying tight with your ex’s parents is also so real lmaooo

He had a toothbrush at her house??????

The bad girls are so important to me

Awwwwwwwww

They’re aaaall crying

ZAYN THE RETURN OF ZAYN MY BEST FRIEND ZAYN DARKSHADOW

And Ragh and Lydia!! Yay!!

SANDRA LYNN FAETH THE WOMAN THAT YOU ARE. I WOULD BE SO GOOD TO YOU YOU DONT’ EVEN KNOW.

Brb printing out the new Sandra Lynn art to hang on my wall

They’re so tired guys

Squeem is alive? Ok

Jawbone man.

Oh god. Literally.

Sobbing this is literally the high school mentality

Guys. Guys.

It’s a real crapshoot for me finishing things. Yep.

Babe that is not a measurement of classes.

Yes that is a thing you can do. You can take time off for extreme circumstances.

LOVE the Aguefort art. Slay.

Also love that the way Brennan gets into the Aguefort voice is to do the peace hands

He’s going on vacation with ayda?????

Ayda looks great

Oh God No

How could this possibly go wrong?

What is the quangle and why is it going to cause so many problems

Oh nooooooo

That’s so fucking sad christ alive

Oh god

Emily.

PEOPLE LOVE SKITS ON ALBUMS

“Does nobody respect the fact that it takes time to save the world” feels like the thesis of the season

Trackerbees breakup about to be confirmed??

ZAYN ART ZAYN ART ZAYN ART

Look at my best friend in the whole wide world and his pet rat. He’s so fucking pretty.

Aelwyn moved out??

Augh.

Oh that’s lovely actually

Oh aelwyn looks GOOD.

And she’s got cats and is teaching middle school??? Good for herrrr

Awww that’s sweet

Oh right somehow I completely forgot that Fig did a fucked up devil deal

Oh god fig’s spilling on her shirt. Did she somehow swap fates with Gilear or something.

Sandra lynnnnnnnn

That is a good way to think about classes :)

What??

Nooooooooooooo

Sometimes you really do just have to give Nothing constructive in an improv scene sometimes it’s better

Trackerbees breakup confirmed. Tracker’s doing great.

Still interested in the retcon or whatever happened with Tracker originally being a cleric of Lida and then switching to Galicea

Cassandra I’m sorry you and Kristen are both struggling so much

Oh Whatttt no

If Cassandra dies and goes to the astral plane I will be so sad.

Holy SHIT guys.

#fantasy high junior year #reactions #verbal component #zayn

[the-nysh]

Started watching Mob Psycho 100. About 5 episodes in and yeah, I get why this show is so popular. It's good, even real good, so far. Mob is a good protagonist and the animation has been really impressive.

I also recently started reading One Punch Man and it's fine. I like the art and every now and again it gives me a chuckle. But ultimately I think OPM has a fairly conservative world view that makes me hard to enjoy it as anything more than easy fluff. It's all about the power of the individual and has some really questionable class politics in places. I know it's not intended for a deep read, but I can't help it. I'm glad I'm reading it through the library instead of buying individual volumes. I think I'm like 21 volumes into it.

Back to MP100, I'm still early so I can't say for sure yet, but I feel like it is the better written and realized of the two. I'm a sucker for the monster-of-the-week style format and so far it has been nailing while also developing the characters pretty well.

I gotta say, I'm impressed. I'm usually pretty cautious around checking out popular things since I tend to not enjoy them. So far that's not the case here.

Hmm...I'd say this is probably something better shared on your own blog, especially after I recently discussed how people reading opm at face value while writing it off as shallow fluff is a very unfortunate thing. (There's also no need to sporadically check it thru the library, likely with the dumbed down viz translations mis-marketing it as 'safe' for 12yr olds, when the entire fan archive exists. Also season one is there if you prefer watching.)

Because if you are armed with the knowledge of mp100, then you should be able to recognize ONE's exact same themes within opm, just explored and addressed from the other side of the spectrum. Mp100 just happens to be more straightforward and obvious about it since it's a shonen. But you have to look closer in opm (which is a seinen) - think about why ONE would be presenting some very fucked up things thru the levity and ironic lens of Saitama's pov. Because I guarantee you ONE's not 'supporting' those things you listed. The importance of human connections, emotions, and meaningful relationships in a crapsack world on the brink of humanity's very extinction cannot be understated; thinking that means 'individual power above all else' is the complete opposite of what the story's actually about. Because time and again, power isn't everything, and more often than not, it comes with the monkey's paw curse of being not what the character(s) thought they wanted.

So these are adult characters, dealing and fumbling with adult problems such as ennui, burnout, depression, disillusionment, alienation, emptiness, and loneliness in a hostile world where it's a daily struggle to even live. Where suffering and increasing monsterization go hand in hand. Now think about how this might be very relevant and closely resonate with adult readers struggling thru the very same things. :O Who see opm's characters as some of their biggest healing comforts. (And personally, this is why I prefer opm for its adult cast.) So you can have preferences too and choose to read opm at face value, but at most you're only getting about 30% of the story enjoyment out of it that way. I'd say continue to enjoy mp100, but don't let that hastily affect your judgment in writing off opm's merits either. :'D

#opm #mp100 #anonymous #replies #unfortunately the official viz tls don't do opm any favors #in making it seem worse than it is (since they cut so many corners)

[sleepy-achilles]

Hi! I have a request. I have would love to get more of Leon’s rebellious teen phase in the family of destruction. I know he and taker didn’t get along too well then, but I’m a sucker for angst 😭!

I adore Teen Leon and I'm kinda mad I don't write them as kids more. I like teen Leon more than adult Leon. Fuck adult Leon.

Also your reminder, because ik some don't read the notes, asks are now reopen and I will be answering them the same day or as soon as possible (incase I suffer writer's block)

Sweet 16

Bro went from the sweetest child in the whole world to a literal spawn of Satan when he hit 16. No? What do you mean he was traumatised and his 16th birthday incident pushed him over the edge? I would never do that to a character 👀

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"Have kids they said. Kids will be the apple of your eye" Taker growls as he slams the report down onto the table. Leon tilts his freshly scarred face as he rocks his feet which are sat on said table. "Why couldn't you be like your brother?" Taker sighs. "What a complete and utter loser?" Leon asks. John glares at him. "None of that now" Shawn scolds. Leon rolls his eyes as shawn taps his feet. He lowers his feet. He's asshole to everyone but Shawn at the moment.

Taker knows why but he doesn't want to speak it, mostly for shawns mental health than anything. But a little someone has followed too much in their papas footsteps.

"I get your having a tough time at the moment, but you said you were ready for school, so what's up with the grades?" Taker asks. "Im sorry, I said I was ready to go out and about again, not do well in school. I never did. Besides I think having my grandfather slashing my face open should give me some leeway as you know it only happened four months ago" Leon snaps as he stands up. He stares taker down. "Now if you excuse me old man, me, mattie and val have plans" Leon huffs grabbing his jacket and walking to the door. "No! Because your grounded!" Taker yells. "Ha! Grounded? Fuck off!" Leon yells before the door opens and slams shut.

"I liked him better when he didn't speak" Taker mutters. Shawn slaps his arm. "You don't mean that" "If he doesn't, I do" John whispers. Both men look at him. "What, he's nicer when he can't speak. In fact he was a lot nicer before Paul turned psycho on him" John admits. "Yeah I know bud. Go get ready for bed" Shawn sighs. Taker watches as John leaves. "Hes gonna do a lot of damage." Taker warns. "I know. But we gotta be careful. It's not just trauma is natural teenage rebellion too. I know damn well you were like it and well I didn't get mine until my 30s" Shawn shrugs picking up Leon's report. "And too be honest he's not wrong. He was doing horrible in school before his 16th. He's just dropping in art and history now which I will talk to him about as I know he likes those subjects" Shawn adds. "I just want him to do well." "I know that and he will too one day. Now are you waiting up or going to bed?" "Bed" Taker mutters.

------

"Your parents are gonna kill ya" Mattie chuckles as he blows smoke towards the sky. "They are cute tho" val smiles poking her fresh tattoo. The trio got group tattoos just below their ribs. Mattie got a wolf skull with a small butterfly wearing a crown. Val got a butterfly that's pattern makes a skull, she got a small pawprint with a crown just above the butterfly's head. Leon got a skull with a massive crown on its head, the skull has a small claw mark up the side and a butterfly clinging to the other side. "Yeah but you two took it too far" Matt states. "What makes you say that?" Leon asks sitting up. "Well you both got your nipples pierced" Matt states. "Oh yeah, and when my face fully heals I'll get my nose done, some sick snakebites and then work on my ears, My ears are gonna be covered" Leon smirks.

Val chuckles and leans forward between Leon's legs. "Get your cock pierced" she smirks. "How much?" Leon tilts his head. "I know whoever wins the next match for their team picks the losers next piercing location" Matt smirks. "Deal" they all shake on it. "You know damn well Leon woulda been tatted up and pierced up if the shop didn't refuse to do more work to cover their own ass" val states. "Or the fact they are scared his father" Matt hums watches as a car races past them. "Ain't that brads car?" Leon asks sliding off the hood of Matts car. They watch as Brad and his friends climb out. "Thinkin what I'm thinking?" Mattie smirks. "Damn right, get the bats" Leon smirks as the other group walk into the mall.

-

Taker groans as the phone rings. He rolls over and lifts the phone off its holder. "Mm hello?" He mutters. "Im sorry to call you up so late taker but your son is smashing up Mr Daniels sons car up and refusing to get off the car." Officer Bode sighs. "That fucker" Taker growls sitting up, causing Shawn to wake. "Where is he?" "The mall carpark." "Ill be there now" Taker hangs up, throwing the phone back into the hold. "Whats wrong?" Shawn yawns. "Your son is destroying property. That mall was the worse thing I ever built." Taker growls standing up, grabbing a tshirt. "Want me to go?" Shawn asks. "No. I promise not to kill him" Taker mutters grabbing the trucks keys. Shawn frowns as Taker storms out. He glances down at Charlie. "Lets hope it's the last time" Shawn sighs as the dog steals takers spot. Shawn looks at him as Charlie just huffs at him.

-

Taker is going to loose his head as he pulls up and sees Leon stood on the roof of the car. He watches as Leon hits the mirror off when the cops move closer.

He slams his door. "LEON!" He yells as he walks over. Mr Daniels pulls Brad back as the man walks over. "Im so sorry Mr Daniels. I promise to pay to get this repaired" "don't be sorry dad! His son is a piece of shit!" Leon laughs. Taker looks at val and matt who are leant against the cop car. "You two involved in this?" Taker snaps. "Yessir." They both mutter looking down. Taker looks back at Leon. "Get down now" he orders. "Or what?" Leon snarls leaning against the bat. "LEON! Enough! Down now!" Taker yells. Leon huffs and walks forward until he drops down to the floor. Taker snatches the bat off Leon and throws it to the floor.

"Are you fucking crazy? Bode has every right to throw your scrawny ass in a cell" taker growls grabbing his jacket. Leon just glares at him. "What if I want him in a cell! Look at the damage!" Daniels yells. "Then we'd have to look into that file against Brad last summer." Bode states. "Dad it's fine, Mr Michaels has said they'll pay for the damage. Me and my mates are fine." Brad pleads. "What will it be?" Bode asks. "No charges. But I don't want him anywhere near my property anymore" Daniels snaps. "Of course. I'll make sure of it" Taker promises. "Thank you Mr michaels. I'll drop these two home and speak to their parents." Bode states. "Good. I'll be speaking to them tomorrow too. Now excuse us" Taker nods, pulling Leon towards the truck.

Leon jerks out of his hold. "Let me go" Leon snarls as he storms towards the truck. "Are you fucking crazy!" Taker yells as they get into the truck. Leon sucks in his cheeks as he stares out the window. "Lets go home." "What the hell are you playing at? Hmm? Be angry at me, push me, do not start terrorising the people of my valley" Taker tells him. This causes Leon to snap. "Oh but they can terrorise me?! He's been bullying me and my mates since we where kids! He harasses Valentina and he assaults me!" Leon barks. "You goto an adult! Not do this shit!" "We went to an adult! And as you heard, daddy's got money so this shit gets swept" Leon scoffs. Taker sighs and rubs his cheek as he starts the engine up. Leon turns fully towards the window.

This can't get worse.

----Posted this part before-----but yeah-----lets mix it up--

Taker had to open his big mouth.

Shawn had to leave the arena to go home. When taker found out he was going to the police station he teleported straight there.

"Why Lee. Look at you" he hears Shawn sigh. Taker steps up to the front desk where Bode is waiting. It's late after all. "Go home, ill lock up" Taker tells him. "Sure thing" Bode throws him the keys before walking out. Shawns quiet as Taker walks towards the cell. "What the fuck have you done?" Taker growls as he opens the cell and walks in. Leon stumbles back as the door slams shut. "Do I need to repeat myself?" Taker asks. "It was a fight party. Its not the first one it won't be the last." Leon admits quietly.

Taker would hate for his kids to be scared of him. But his anger towards his son is too high to care right now. "Look at me! What did you do!" Taker growls getting closer. "I took it too far. Hurt the kid" Leon mutters looking down at his bloodied knuckles. "Look at me." Taker sighs. Leon doesn't move. "Look at me!" Taker orders. Leon glances up, his lip tucked in so he can fiddle with his snakebites.

"I have been nothing but patient with you.-" "like fuck. You go in guns blazing. Yelling, slamming things. You've never been patient." Leon snaps. Taker stares at him. "Ok. Lets do it that way" Taker states walking away from him. "What? What way?" Leon asks as Taker shuts the cell and locks it. "Ill see you tomorrow when your bail is Posted. If your bail is Posted." Taker states. Both Leon and shawns eyes widen. "What? You can't leave me here!" Leon barks. "Damn right I can. Breaking cars, breaking into buildings, shoplifting and now putting kids in hospital? It's about time you sit in here and think. Sweet dreams leon" Taker snaps before he leads Shawn away

Shawn closes his eyes as his son yells and pleads for them. He knows takers right, but that's his baby boy behind those bars. Shawn opens his eyes. No. No, right now? Right now that's not his baby boy. That's a empty shell of his baby boy.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Leon fiddles with his lip piercing as the family eat dinner. "So how was the first day of school?" Taker asks. "I got accepted into a club!" Cassie smiles. "A nerd friendship group is not a club" Leon mutters. Cassie frowns at him. "Dont be a jerk." John mutters. "How about you Leon? Did you meet the therapist?" Shawn asks. They all agreed Leon should try speaking to the school therapist when he goes back. And boy did Leon fool them. "Yeah, slept with him and then hung out under the bleachers for an hour before I had to go back to class" Leon smirks. Taker chokes on his beer and shawns eyebrows raise as he turns from sipping his wine to downing it.

"And that's our cue to go and do your homework" John hums lowering his fork. "Yeah..." cassie nods picking up her plate.

Taker stares at Leon as the other two kids escape. "Im sorry what? Leon did he-" "God no, if anything he's more scared of me. He's hot, I'm hot, he's probably done it before tho as he didn't hesitate at all. So yeah might wanna get him checked out there Daddyo but I am not a victim" Leon huffs. "Leon you cannot sleep with an adult who's supposed to be a teacher or someone who we trust to look after you." Taker states. Leon looks at shawn. Taker copies. "Oh no, he's got me on this one. All you or I look like a hypocrite" Shawn admits. "Oh my god" Taker groans. "Yeah sorry dad, your losing this one but hey, found your mysterious predator. Again" he mutters the last part. "Did you just say again?" Taker asks. "Nope, gotta go" Leon hums standing up.

"No Leon you are g-" "grounded? Yeah we know that isn't happening, me and mattie are gonna go joy riding before grabbing Valentina to eat and watch a film" Leon chuckles before leaving.

Taker looks at shawn. "Im sorry baby but he knows too much about me. Ministry era was a weird time for us" Shawn sighs. "You slept with the school therapist?" "My history teacher. Needed a grade." Shawn admits. "What are we going to do Shawn? How far do we let this go before someone dies?" Taker asks quietly. Shawn leans back. "We get Kevin involved. We do what we did with me." Shawn admits. "Hes in the ring every week Shawn." "No, he's a sports entertainer. He needs control and patience" Shawn states. "Could work."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Leon is 17 when he starts training with his uncle. His violence crimes start going down, but he's not completely out yet. No, he still has some rebellion stuck in him.

------

"How's Lee doing?" Scott asks. "Hes doing good, no more fights, no more crimes. Just got that damnd attitude still" Kevin answers as he accepts a beer off taker. "Tell me about it." Taker sighs watching cassie and John play fight. "Hes definitely pushing those two away still" Taker adds. "Where is he now?" Scott asks. "Got in a fight at school, cassie saw it so shawns sorting it with the school." Taker mutters. "Thought he wasn't fighting anymore?" Goldust asks as he passes a beer to hunter. "Thats the issue. Cassie states it was scary, Leon just stood there and took it. Never fighting back once. I'm worried we might have put the wrong ideas in his head" Taker sighs. "But he fights back in the ring" goldust states. "Hes performing for the crowd then, it's different." Hunter points out.

"So now we are worried because he's no longer fighting?" Scott asks, clapping as cassie knocks John down. "Atta girl!" He calls. "No I'm worried about how his brain is working at the moment. Pushing his siblings away, allowing himself to be pushed around, obviously he's still arguing with me. I'm just waiting for him to be caught with drugs or alcohol" Taker sighs. "You don't think he's going completely down that path?" Hunter asks. "I hope not. He probably won't gain anything from it. But he's definitely spiraling" Taker admits.

"It'll be okay, I think I'm getting through to him" Kevin promises.

"I hope"

------------------------------------------------------------------

Leon huffs and groans as he's shoved against the old matt, his face pressed into it. "Wanna tell me why your so angry at your old man? Heard you ignored his birthday" Kevin asks as he lowers himself. Leon growls and bares his teeth at him. "Ah ah, none of that bullshit with me, you know better than that. I know you better" Kevin tuts. Leon closes his eyes. "Gonna speak to me kid or you gonna keep hitting me a bit too hard?" Kevin asks. "Uncle." Leon taps the matt. Kevin sits back and watches as Leon pulls himself up to sit.

He keeps his eyes down. Kevin takes in the scar on the boys face. It's no longer red and raw. It's healed as best as it probably will, still bothers him if it's too cold. "Whats going on up there?" Kevin asks quietly. "It was his knife." Leon whispers. Kevin raises an eyebrow. "What?" "My dad's knife. That's what Paul used to do this. It belongs to him, it sits in his office in a case." Leon explains looking at Kevin. Kevin spots the watery look in his eyes. "Ah kid, I get what that looks like but your father would never want to hurt you" Kevin sighs. "You don't understand. You didn't experience Ministry like we did. Like I did. I'm the chosen one. No one experienced it like I did" Leon whispers hugging his knees.

"Ministry and your dad are two different people" "I know that! I get that! But looking at the face of the man who terrorises you is never easy" Leon snaps standing up. "Your dad terrorises you?" Kevin asks noting the lack of past tense. "No. Not now." Leon lies. Ministry is stood around him as he speaks. Taker? Taker would never harm Leon. But Ministry? Ministry haunts him like a ghost.

"Are we done? I'd like to go home." Leon asks. "Yeah, same time Thursday?" Kevin asks. "Ill be there" he nods before climbing out. Kevin hums to himself. Well now this is something. Leon is still a scared little boy, and Kevin doesn't blame him.

---

Taker watches Leon as he searches for something. "Looking for something?" Taker asks. Leon sighs and closes the draw. "Can you just back off?" Leon snaps looking at him. "I wanna talk about what happened." "So Kevin told you what I told him? Cool. I don't want to talk" Leon states. "Leon...I'm worried." "I don't care! I really don't fucking care! I've stopped my crimes! I've stopped fighting! I've got my grades leveled and you still breathe down my fucking neck!" Leon yells. "Because I care! You are on a spiraling road and I want to help!" Taker snaps back. Leon taps his fingers against the cabinet.

"You don't want this Leon. I know that." "You don't know what I want." Leon mutters, keeping his eyes on the floor. "Youll never know." Leon sighs pushing away from the unit. Taker watches him as he walks out. "One day we will be fixed. I promise." Taker sighs.

-

Leon tilts his head down as he blows smoke out.

Shawn sits next to him. "Gonna have ago at me?" Leon mutters. "No. Glad your smoking outside instead of in the house" Shawn shrugs. "Smoke reminds dad of the house fire." Leon points out. Shawn looks at him shocked. Maybe they all had it wrong.

"Yeah, it does. That's nice of you Lee." Shawn nods. "Im an asshole, not a monster. He doesn't deserve that...he doesn't deserve any of this" Leon mutters rubbing his cheek. "But your angry at the world and need someone strong enough to handle it, because you cannot and no one deserve to suffer" Shawn hums. Leon looks at him. "Yeah...how.." "I did the samething. I was suffering and didn't want anyone to know. So I turned it into anger and your father and uncle hunter suffered the brute of it." Shawn admits. "Guess we are alike" Leon huffs looking at the sky. "Yeah and I'll always be sorry for that." Shawn mutters.

"No one's telling you not to be a rebellious teen, it's part of growing up. We just want you to be happy again." Shawn tells him. "I know. And I'm trying. We've all cut the violence and petty crimes out. Payed for stuff stolen. Repaired things we broke. Replaced broken things. I'm just...lost still." Leon explains. "And that's okay. Your young, one day you'll find yourself and this will all make sense." Shawn promises. "Yeah? You promise?" "I promise. Now your dad will be home soon, what shall we have for dinner?" Shawn asks. "Let me buy you all a pizza, to say sorry" Leon offers. "Sure. A pizza will easily win cassie and John back but also show dad your trying" "Oh I've already won cassie back, brought her that bike she wanted" Leon smiles. "Well thanks, don't know what to get her for Christmas now" Shawn huffs. "Oh please she could give you a list a mile long" Leon laughs.

Shawn smiles. A sound he hasn't heard in ages. "I love you Lee." "Love you too".

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Leon didn't find himself until he was 24. He still had slip ups with violence and his anger but it wasn't bad. He wasn't teenage rebellion anymore once he hit 18, he was just a rebel.

He came to accept the truth of what happened. He became a brat but a brat people actually liked being around. He's still an asshole. But he knows when to quit.

Him and taker still fight, of course they do, they have strong opinions and are similar enough in the sense they'd clash over a spoon and a spork. But they love each other and they'll always have each others back.

----------------------------------------------------------------------Notes

I'm so sorry 😞 Its 12am. So I'm pretty tired whilst writing this but I know you wanted angst which led me off Leon's rebellious activities so I hope that's okay. I also wanted to make sure I didn't repeat myself fic wise, which I obviously started to so but changed the scene up a bit.

I really like teen Leon's character. But old Leon and child Leon have a soft spot in my heart. Especially with both out there fighting bad guys and child Leon killing one whilst teen Leon was just out here being a literal criminal.

I do want to write more of the kids being, well kids, Leon was such a ball of sunshine. He went from sunshine to moon to now being eclipse. And well John and cassie have always been sunshine.

I will gladly do a fic focusing on Leon's actual rebellious activities if that's what people want.

Maybe one day we will find out who got the gential piercing 😅🤣

#wwe #shawn michaels #the undertaker #wwf #hbtaker #undertaker x shawn michaels #shawn x undertaker #leon michaels #the family of destruction

[n9ph]

reposting the text i attached to this on my twitter, but! i wanted to draw a special pride piece of these two and me, and talk about how they changed my life, tw below for transphobia, and religious trauma.

(this is all copied directly from the twitter thread i made so, sorry for the weird spacing!)

i found out i was trans when i was 14, unfortunately my own home wasnt accepting by any means, and with that my family had found out i was trans multiple time, the second time completely breaking me to the point where i did everything in my power to not be trans.

which clearly didnt do anything for my mental, shortly after my family had found out the second time, i had gotten into fn again and jonesy absolutely changed my life, he helped me escape the shitty reality i was dealt.

jonesy is a character i will forever cherish, he brought me insane comfort in one of the most painful times in my life, drawing him, playing fn, and seeing others artwork of him, jonesy led me to meet amazing people who i am thankful to know today, one of those people-

being my own roomate who helped me escape my old household. (thanks a ton matt! youre incredible if you read this! :) ) funny enough, during this time, i had started fixating on angels a bunch cause i was drawing guernsey with wings. (insp by turphs art!)

in me doing my tomfoolery, i remember coming across an image of gabriel, and i stared at it for HOURS, and it just jump-started me fixating heavily on angels, looking through tags on tumblr to reblog stuff that fit that "aesthetic"

unfortunately, not a lot of neat stuff comes up when you look up angel on tumblr. its mostly women in lingerie with wings, yeah not what im looking for! and as i kept looking for neat stuff of angels, i couldnt get the image of gabriel out of my mind. (heres me talking about him.)

he continued to sit in my mind for a while, as my interest in him grew, i would tell friends that i really badly wanted to watch tm/c but was scared due to eye horror, and in me expressing my interest in him.

my roommate had found out and was excited to know i had interest in it, and asked about us both watching it together (yet again thanks so much! :) ) and we ended up watching it together and OH MY GOSH i was absolutely amazed, he very quickly took over my heart.

shortly after that my family had found out that i was struggling with my gender identity they absolutely freaked out. it was my breaking point, i was fucking scared but i wasnt going to suffer any longer, if i was going to be in hell then i was going to be in hell comfortably.

during the months of having to deal with transphobia from my family daily, gabriel greatly helped me, i would draw me and him, to help myself feel better, he quite literally is an angel. any moment i was away, i was finding comfort through him.

after getting out of my old home and finally being comfortable being me, i realized that in a strange way, gabriel kind of helped heal so much of my religious trauma in such a short time, obviously not fully healed, but to a point where i am no longer in fear.

now its time for me to wrap this all up, thank you to all of my wonderful friends who stayed with me through it all, (specifically shouting out chicken, matt, and jim/vivus!) and thank you to jonesy and gabriel, who changed and quite literally saved my life. thank you!

#my art #gabriel #jonesy #i am not going to tag this for certain reasons but #its just something i feel the need to share #thank you again <3 #pride 2023 #long post