#literally just tell us if youre hangry or not | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

uglyducklingofthe2000s · 6 months

Note

Hola! What if the reader convinces Lando to go camping with Oscar and Lily (like a double date but camping)? I imagine camping with Lando would be hilarious 😂

(P.S I still can’t get over the last request you wrote it was so so cute!)

Not Made for the Wild - LN

Ok, so fun fact I actually have trauma from camping during a thunder and lightning storm as a kid. Literal trauma, can't go camping and can't be aware of lightning without unplugging and switching off everything in the house. But moving on.

Summary: Oscar and Lily. Lando and y/n. Two couples who probably couldn't be less alike. But when Oscar and Lily invite Lando and y/n camping, they figure it might be fun. Until it turns out the two really aren't built for being at one with nature and it's only fun for Oscar and Lily because they get to witness the disaster that is Lando and y/n trying to endure camping.

It takes all of 15 minutes for Lily and Oscar to realise that there might've been a reason for as to why Lando and y/n don't make a habit of going camping often.

There should be camera documenting the struggle of the couple who are clearly more hotel type of people when it comes to travelling.

"Ah ah ah ah, I stepped in a puddle." Y/n whines grabbing at Lando's sleeve for balance as she tries to hop on her dry foot. "My shoe is soaking!"

Lando's cackling over his girlfriend's reaction while the leading couple exchange a look.

The chaotic energy between Lando and y/n is really making this trip worth it, but also they've never been so slow moving to get to a destination for camping. Their lack of progress in how much they've moved in the past hour is astoundingly bad.

But another hour of complaining, laughter at each other expense and more than one injury of y/n tripping and dragging Lando down to fall with her. Usually she'd pull him down hoping to manoeuvre him under her before she hit the ground and instead use him to cushion her fall.

"This looks like a good spot?" Oscar states looking at Lily for agreement which she hums at but she's too distract by Lando and y/n bickering as Lando tries to yank off the wet shoe and sock from y/n's foot, purely to stop her from complaining about it hurting.

Though Lily is sure he wants to check her for blisters because the walking has almost definitely rubbed her foot raw.

"Baby...you're bleeding." Lando hisses in grimace through clenched teeth. "Oh it's really bad."

"Ah, don't touch it!" Y/n frowns smacking his bicep to stop him poking the literal open wound. "I can't believe I wanted to actually go camping with you. You just poked fresh blister with dirty hands."

"You're just hangry and tired. Don't worry, your caring and loving boyfriend will set up our tent for you." Lando states while Lily moves to help do some first aid on y/n's foot and make sure it's not going to get infected.

Lando and Oscar end up helping each other with getting the tents set up, with some aid from Lily when Lando almost loses an eye from a pole flicking up in his face.

Eventually though, the tends are up and y/n has somehow managed to be the one who gets a fire lit. After more laughing nd jokes from Lando, he does place himself down behind y/n, sitting with her between his legs.

"You know, now we're here. It's quite nice...a way from all the F1 chaos and just around nature." Y/n comments with a soft sigh as she leans her head back on Lando's shoulder to look at the sky.

"Next time we're going to the mountains for skiing, we're going out late for you to stare at the stars." Lando whispers then kissing her cheek. "It is nice out here though, thanks for inviting us guys."

They all hold conversation while Oscar and Lily takes charge of the cooking since both y/n and Lando seem unsure of how to tell something is fully cooked when it comes to just using fire rather than an oven or stove.

But the time comes for them all to get into bed and another episode of Lando and y/n bickering ensues, much to Lily and Oscar's entertainment. Though they can't see them, just overhearing them from their tent is amusing enough.

"Move over." Y/n hisses while Lando audibly huffs.

"I want to cuddle, move over towards me. Stop moving away." Lando argues earning before a grunt is heard, though they can't tell who it was.

"It's too hot for cuddling-ah get off me, you space hog." Y/n whines with a rustling of them presumably now in a physical fight of Lando trying to smother her in love and y/n just trying to breathe.

"I'm trying to be romantic and cute, stop ruining it." Lando states before there's a couple more groans before silence falls and Lily and Oscar look at each other. "See? Isn't this nice?"

"If I sweat on you, it's your fault."

"I'm ok with that. No shush, just enjoy it."

Morning rolls around with Lily and Oscar up and ready first then nearly an hour later, y/n and Lando appear with Lando looking almost fresh and with a beaming grin while y/n looks disheveled and as if she spent the night fighting off her boyfriend's body heat.

"Oh dear." Lily laughs seeing the fellow young woman. "Are you ok?"

"Lando spent the night trying to kill me."

"That's not true. I spent the night cuddling her and then half way through the night it turned into a bit more than cuddling-"

"Yeah, you can stop there." Oscar nods not needing to know that y/n and Lando had sex in their tent while him and his girlfriend were sleeping blissfully unaware. "Let's have some breakfast."

Y/n manages to tame her hair enough to tie it back into a bun before settling down with her boyfriend who is still grinning at her.

"You are such a pain in the ass." Y/n murmurs then yawning but her bitter attitude doesn't last long when he kisses her and she can't stop her smile about it.

They do a little bit of exploring around, not going too far from the campsite since it's nicer to look around without carrying all the camping gear with them. But eventually Lando speaks up.

"This was great, and even a little but fun. But I think it's time to go, because I need a solid roof and wifi. Or even just phone service."

"Yeah, I'm kind of seconding that." Y/n states while Lando smiles since he could tell she was really wanting to leave but not wanting to be the one who ruined the fun. Something he's more than happy to step in to do.

Packing up is a more interesting experience than the set up but eventually they get everything crammed away. Lando's rushing means none of it is packed away correctly. But they begin their descent back to the car park.

"Ow." Y/n hisses as they return to the car and she finally reveals that her blister was being reignited. "I'm not going to be doing any excessive walking for the foreseeable future."

"Princess treatment as usual then?" Lando teases then dodging her airborne shoe being thrown at him while he laughs knowing she is going to be more upset the shoe missed him than about the actual comment.

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 7 days

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AITA for moving a box of spaghetti?

I (24F) live with my retired parents (66M, 66F). I pay rent (though significantly below market rate) and I pay for all my own expenses (groceries, insurances, phone, etc.). I also provide free live-in pet care when my folks travel, which they tend to do for weeks at a time.

My mom is kind of a control freak about the house. I am not allowed to have visitors, or any belongings outside the confines of my room. She also used to extend this to my room, but not since I turned 18. When I was in high school, I had to secretly buy and assemble a desk while she was at work because she thought a desk would "ruin the aesthetic" of my room. The only exception to the "no stuff" rule is in the kitchen, as perishable foods don't really do well in bedrooms.

She has decided it is her New Project to segregate all of their food from my food. I don't have an issue with that in itself. However, she is intent on doing it completely unilaterally. She first did the freezer, which she showed me excitedly. I was like "Oh, cool. Do you think we could switch which drawer is mine? I was used to using this one". And she absolutely freaked out, because I am not a ROOMMATE, I am a GUEST, and how DARE I have the ENTITLEMENT to tell HER where to put things in the house SHE OWNS. Please note that here she is screaming so loud that my friend, waiting for me outside, could hear her from their car.

We had a similar exchange when she showed me the fridge! I didn't have an issue with the actual organization there, but I was still like "hey you seem really stoked to show me this. I wish you would communicate about it beforehand though. Even if you're going to do it anyway, I feel like it's an act of respect to let me know what your plan is before you just start touching and moving my stuff". That again, didn't go well.

Today she decided to tackle the pantry. At this point this is a sore spot for me. I am like, physically holding myself back from heckling her as she does this. It doesn't help that she started doing this right before I was about to make myself breakfast so I am Hangry. She finishes like, an hour and a half later. I make my food. I notice that the way she has arranged my pasta, you can't get at any of the stuff without taking it all out of the cabinet. I fix it while still keeping all of my stuff on My side, but I have to remove a box of spaghetti because it doesn't fit quite right. I put it on the counter while I clean my pan because I'm not sure how I'm going to address it. I am definitely aware there is a chance I'm going to get yelled at, but I move it anyway.

While I'm scrubbing, my mom comes into the kitchen, sees the spaghetti box on the counter, and starts screaming bloody murder at me, at "audible down the street" levels. To the point where I was very viscerally upset for hours.

I obviously know that the severity of her reaction is literally insane, especially because I didn't even yell back at her. However, I'm torn on how justified I actually am in wanting to be included in the organization of the kitchen. AM I being entitled about this? Should I just let my mom do what she wants or should I keep trying to advocate for myself?

#aita #am i the asshole

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gretavanfleetposts · 8 months

Text

Give Me Shelter

Author's Note: The long awaited sequel to Make Her Happy that literally no one asked for lol here's the first part

Content Warnings: dirty talk, penetrative sex (18+ minors do not interact), swearing

Word Count: 5.5k

Jake stood on the other side of the door with a grin plastered to his lips that you knew he hoped would make up for the fact that it was him rather than his brother.

It almost did.

It doesn't.

Almost.

"He could at least call me," you said angrily without so much as a 'hello' in his direction before you turned and let him meander through the door in your pursuit. This was an occurrence you were getting all too used to and formalities had been done away with long ago. You certainly weren't in the mood tonight.

"Maybe he was worried he'd feel the icy stare through the screen," he quipped from behind you, placing the bouquet of flowers in his hands that you hadn't even noticed on the counter as he followed you into the kitchen.

"He'd deserve it if he did."

You were beyond frustrated with him truthfully. Josh had sent Jake in his place several times since the first, although the first time had been the only time things had gone as far as they had. But you were beginning to feel like you were dating his twin. Not that he wasn't good to you when he came over. He just wasn't the one you wanted.

Well, maybe it was a bit more complicated than that.

"You want me to fight with you? Let you pretend I'm him?"

"He wouldn't fight with me," you sighed as you rummaged around in your kitchen cabinets looking for a container large enough to hold the full meal you had cooked. "He'd be understanding and sweet and make me feel heard and it would annoyingly take all of the fight right out of me."

"I'll be me then and fight back," he said with a wide smile that you didn't return as you moved to put dinner into the tupperware you had pulled out. But when he saw what you were doing, his brows furrowed and the smile disappeared. "Woah, what are you doing? It's still hot, we should eat it."

"I don't want to. I'm just going to order something," you answered flatly.

"I can do that." He took your wrists in his hands to stop your movements, even as you tried to pull them away. "Hey, wait, stop, I can do it. I'll put it away and do the dishes while the food is on its way. Just tell me what you're in the mood for."

It felt like a dam breaking as you let your face fall into his chest, his arms circling your body as tears began to flow.

"I just don't understand why he can't at least call or give me some kind of warning. He always does this, he does this more and more, and more and more I just feel like an accessory that sometimes he wants to wear and sometimes he doesn't."

"You're not an accessory to him, I promise you." He soothed you with a quiet voice and a hand snaking up into your hair to hold you against him. "He wanted to be here, he always does. It kills him that he's away so much but he really does love you."

"You're off, you have a break. Why are you here and he isn’t?"

"Well, I don't require nearly as much maintenance as that little diva," he answered with a laugh at his own joke. The joke didn't reach you though. It only seemed to solidify the feelings you'd been having more and more lately: Josh didn't have time for you.

"Come on," he jostled you from your thoughts before they could spiral, holding you away from him so he could meet your eyes. "You're hangry. Food will put things into perspective."

Food won't fix this.

Pizza does sound really good right now though.

You swiped tears away from your eyes with the back of your hand and sniffed back whatever waterfall needed desperately to fall.

"Pizza?" you asked quietly.

He smiled.

"Pizza it is. Go put your feet up; I've got this." He nodded toward the living room and with a sigh, you resigned to let him take care of things for the night. But before turning to head toward some actual relaxation, you met his eyes with gratefulness seeping into yours.

"Thank you."

"You can thank me later," he said with a smirk that had your stomach doing somersaults despite your internal reprimanding.

—

"Food's here."

Jake's voice woke you. Well, that and the smell of piping hot pizza. You hadn't realized you'd fallen asleep, hadn't even realized you'd been tired. But needing to cry often did that: lulled you into a frustrated slumber of avoidance.

"God, that smells so good," you commented, stretching and sitting up to make room for him on your couch as he set the large box down on the coffee table.

"I know. Way better than whatever you were cooking." He joked as he took a seat next to you, fiddling with the TV remote while you threw open the box and pulled out a piece.

"Be nice, I'm still hangry," you mumbled as you began eating in a way that betrayed how much the cheese was burning your tongue.

"I mean it," he added, dipping his head a little to see your face better. "You can yell at me if it would be cathartic."

There was a sincerity behind his eyes that warmed you. He always was too sweet to you, to do this so consistently. And surely he was busy some of those times. Never too busy for you though, it seemed. Because he always showed up.

Why do you always show up?

"Wouldn't be the same," you shrugged, abandoning the slice of pizza you had grabbed on a free space of the box as you decided to let it cool a bit more before you burned the rest of your mouth.

You felt his fingertips suddenly brush against your skin as he pushed hair behind your ear almost absentmindedly. And meeting his eyes, you saw more of that sincerity. But this time, your eyes plunged down to his lips, a movement that surely didn't go unnoticed as his followed suit. And you suddenly felt nervous under his gaze, anticipating what he might do as a result of that look and unsure of what that would mean to you.

"Jake…I don't know how much I'm in the mood for date night."

That's not true.

It was an easy way to put a swift end to the tension and had him dropping his hand back into his lap with a soft smile that didn't look the least bit wounded.

Maybe he's just good at hiding it.

"That's fine. I don't have to be Josh tonight. I can be whoever you want me to be."

You knew deep down what you wanted him to be that night but you didn't let yourself acknowledge it. You couldn't. Not before dinner, anyway.

"Can you be my friend right now?" you asked instead, ignoring how hot you suddenly felt and how good the exposed skin on his chest suddenly looked.

His smile widened a tinge as he caught the path of your eyes again but he didn't acknowledge it.

"Easiest thing in the world," he said in a soft voice, sitting back further as if to welcome whatever you were about to lay at his feet.

You sighed and turned your eyes toward the pizza box as you thought about it, the fact that Josh wasn't there and Jake was.

"I'm so proud of you all but it's getting harder. Undeniably. And I just don't see him ever having the time for me. At least not more than he does now. And even now, the time he has for me is…dwindling."

"Have you told him this?"

"No," you admitted. "Not lately and not in those words. With the tour ramping up and having him home this week, I was trying not to give him anything to dwell on on the road. No distractions."

Maybe that was stupid but you hated the idea of him being far away and worried about your relationship. You hated the idea of him being onstage and not being able to fully enjoy it, worried about you the entire time.

"You're part of his life, not a distraction. If he wants to make this work, he'll have to find a better balance. I think he'd understand that if you just talked to him."

Maybe he couldn't make up for the lost time. Or maybe you'd grown too attached to what seemed to always be right in front of you, like you'd been an afterthought for too long.

That's not fair to Josh and you know it.

"Aren't you worried he's gonna stop sending you?" You shot Jake a smile that masked the thoughts you'd begun to spin in your mind. But he only shook his head and sighed heavily.

"He knows I'm not the answer," he said candidly.

You thought about that for a moment before meeting his gaze again and asking the obvious.

"Then why does he keep sending you?"

"Because I'm always free," he suddenly smiled, masking his own thoughts he'd begun to spin in his mind, surely.

You couldn't stop your own smile, even knowing it wasn't the truth.

He was quiet a moment, turning away to face the TV you'd both been ignoring and the pizza that was cooling as he seemed to lose himself in thought. But god, he looked pretty that way. You hated to admit it but he did. He was a good listener and easy to listen to. He'd been your sounding board for the past few months on the date nights he'd filled in for, helping you finish off bottles of wine and working through a list of classic movies one or both of you had never seen. He'd eaten countless dishes meant for you and Josh and even learned the card game you had meant to teach Josh, although he was a much poorer sport than his twin would have been. But still, it had made you laugh watching him try to cheat using the reflection of the wine glass sitting in front of you and throwing the cards all over the table when he'd been caught. He'd only done it because you'd been crying when he had arrived and he was determined to take your mind off the obvious. And then there were the flowers, which were becoming a more common occurrence…

"Did you talk about it the first time after I left?"

You felt like you were pulled out of a reenactment of a dream but you knew without asking what he was referring to.

The first time. When you said filthy things to me and I loved it.

"No. It didn't feel like we needed to. We just woke up and went about our day together."

Like nothing even happened.

"Maybe that's why he sends me," Jake suggested. "He isn't worried about it."

You were unsure what to make of it and even more unsure of what to say. So instead, you nodded silently and reached for your pizza, deep in thought and ignoring whatever Jake put on the TV despite your eyes fixing to it. And you ate mindlessly for what felt like a long moment before you finally spoke again, a half-baked sentiment that was more formed out of anger and frustration than anything else.

"I'm not dating you though, I'm dating him. He could act like it."

Jake didn't turn to you.

"Is this your way of telling me you want me to leave?"

"No. It's better than being alone."

"Well, I'd hardly call that a raving review," he laughed, seeming to fake hurt that was probably somewhat real.

"It is nice of you to do this," you quickly added, getting a glimpse of how it had sounded without.

"I don't mind," he answered before taking a bite of pizza that effectively jumbled his words as he continued speaking. "Not in the slightest."

"Well, to be fair, you got to fuck me so no, I imagine you don't mind."

He looked somewhat shocked as he tried to swallow his bite rather than choke, mumbling out a, "Jesus-", that you didn't let him finish.

"Am I wrong?"

"I don't keep coming over here with my hopes up if that's what you're implying."

Would it be so bad if you did?

"You don't think about it?" you questioned, feeling emboldened by God knew what and hoping, praying even, that you liked his answer, especially given how much you'd thought about it as of late.

Fucking annoying, honestly. He could have at least done me a favor and been bad in bed. Maybe that would have made things easier.

"Of course I think about it," he admitted, "I think about it all the fucking time. It's indecent how much I think about it."

That brought a smile to your face, one that you couldn't stifle even if you tried.

"But I'm happy with whatever you're happy with," he continued. "I don't come over here expecting anything. I'll take whatever you want to give me, whatever that means for you. I told you, I'm whoever you want me to be and that, tonight, is friend."

I don't want you to just be my friend tonight.

You played with the hem of the oversized t-shirt you were wearing, suddenly far less hungry than you had been as you thought about what he was saying and how he had made you feel over the past few months.

And why does he always have to look so fucking good?

"What if I didn't want it to just be friend?" you asked hesitantly, unsure of how he'd respond.

It suddenly felt more dire that he could find a way to make that work too, as easily as he could the friend part.

God, you were nervous.

"Then I'd say can you at least let me finish my pizza before you jump me? Geez," he joked, presumably not taking you seriously.

So you tried again.

"I mean after," you responded with a much more serious look, "when this horrible movie you put on thinking I wouldn't notice is over and the leftover pizza is cold and he still isn't here. What will you be then?"

He leaned forward to discard his crust back in the box and brush off his hands before he drew in a long breath, fuel for the thought he was trying to carefully voice.

"After," he began slowly, "when the movie is over and the leftover pizza goes cold…and Josh still isn't here…" He paused to look at you, something cryptic written in his features that you wished you could shake out of him. You needed his thoughts and his honesty to help you mitigate yours. You felt far too alone in your desires at the moment, the one person who never seemed to hold back finally doing just that. "I'll walk you to your room and I'll tuck you in. And if you ask me to stay, I'll stay. Because I'm your friend."

You gave him an understanding nod and a quiet, "Okay," before turning back to the pizza.

—

You couldn't even say what the movie was about. It was a documentary that had started about aliens but somehow had drifted well into pirate territory in a confusing arc that you clearly hadn't followed. To be fair, you were watching without seeing, hearing without listening, enraptured in a swirl of self-destructive thoughts that actually weren't so self-destructive but more left a path of destruction in their wake. And just as predicted, hands stopped reaching for slices of pizza and cheese stopped boiling over the edges as the air took it to its chilly grave. The movie somehow came to a meaningful conclusion that only really meant something to you because credits rolled across the screen. And Josh still wasn't there.

"You look tired," Jake commented after a moment of sitting in darkness next to you, the only light being the tiny white names scrolling across the screen.

God, how many people could it have possibly taken to make that?

"I could sleep," you lied. Well, maybe you could sleep but that wasn't what you intended to do.

Nonetheless, he nodded and stood silently, taking the pizza box to the kitchen and returning to take your hand and lead you from the couch to your bedroom, implication suddenly heavy in the air as he led.

He said nothing as he stood in the doorway letting you walk past him into the room, nothing as you approached your bed before turning back to face him, nothing as you waited for a move he clearly wasn't going to make on his own.

"I think about it too, you know. The first time…" You trailed off without further explanation, your hands suddenly fiddling with the hem of your oversized shirt as you hoped it incited some action on his part.

Jake was silent for a beat before understanding washed over his face and he nodded quickly.

"I’m flattered," was all he said with a soft, almost shy smile as he finally crossed the room to your bed to pull down the comforter, turning expectantly, waiting for you to get in.

He wasn't typically one to be humble but there was something endearing about the rosy hue growing brighter on his cheeks. It almost reminded you of Josh to be honest. And you weren't sure if that made it worse given how much you wanted him.

Without any warning, instead of climbing into bed as he'd expected you to do, you closed the space between you and pressed your lips to his jaw, reveling in the sound of a sudden hushed inhale as he instinctively leaned into the feeling. But his words, hushed and quiet as he spoke them as if he were hoping you wouldn't hear, betrayed the struggle in his mind that was much less willing than his body.

"I think this is a bad idea…" he trailed off quietly as he tilted his chin ever so slightly to let your lips continue their attack along his jaw. And when he heard no response from you, you felt his Adam's apple bob with a gulp as he mustered up the strength to speak again. "I know that you're upset-"

"You said he wasn't worried," you interjected quickly as your mouth moved to his neck where you felt goosebumps prickling against your lips and tongue. You continued your movements as your hands weaved their way into his linen shirt, only to be met by his hands grasping your biceps as if he were going to stop you but the fight had evaded him before he could.

"I know what I said-"

"I just want to feel you," you said finally, pulling your face away to look him in the eyes and put your desperation on display for him.

He was better than being alone. Far better. And fuck, you wanted him.

He seemed to give in almost immediately as his lips found yours more earnestly, losing himself finally in the way you tasted. It felt like a relief to have his hands on you, any hands really as the nights you'd spent alone had grown longer.

"This is the last time," he murmured against your lips as his hands traveled up under your baggy t-shirt to explore the smooth skin that lay beneath.

You agreed with a half-hearted hum on your lips as your own hands traversed over the thin material of his shirt, slipping downward in search of the belt he always wore. You worked quickly to pull it off, setting your hands to work on the button and zipper as it clamored to the floor.

"I mean it," he mumbled again, never really pulling his mouth from yours entirely.

His hands were warm on your skin and did their best to distract from what he was saying, words you'd process later when your mind was no longer numb and flooded with him alone. If there was a line you were crossing, you'd see it in the morning when you woke, drawn perfectly on the floor and smudged only where you and Jake had danced across it.

"Yes, sir," you whispered that time, pulling back ever so slightly to bat your lashes up at him, only to be greeted with an eye roll in return. But a smile adorned his lips nonetheless.

"Gonna get me in trouble," he whispered back as he shook his head, the rosiness of his cheeks growing hotter and redder thanks to your mouth and hands on him, now prying his shirt from his body to send it floating to the floor.

He pushed into you again, squishing any space between you so you sent your arms circling his shoulders instead. He held you closely too, hands pulling you in at your waist impossibly closer even while he walked you backward toward the edge of your bed. You felt magnetized to him, utterly incapable of prying yourself from him even as the thought of Josh's impending arrival swirled somewhere in the back of your mind.

Jake started with the hem of your leggings, tucking his fingers in and doing his best to work them down your legs without his mouth so much as leaving yours. And when the material moved beyond his reach, he helped you shimmy them down the rest of the way and step out of them. And the moment your legs were freed, he spun the two of you so he could take a seat on the edge of your bed and pulled you into his lap.

Pulling his face away from yours finally and letting his hands drop to his jeans to finish the work you had started, he spoke again in a much more serious voice, gravelly and grave.

"You're going to ride me. Take exactly what you want from me."

It was a little glimpse of the Jake he had been the first time he had filled in for date night. And it was exactly what you hadn't realized you were missing.

"Can you do that for me?" he asked as he freed himself and coaxed you into a hover over him with one hand at your hip while the other pulled your panties to the side.

You were speechless, his eyes boring into yours and his hands guiding you even without your answer until the head of his cock brushed your entrance. Your eyes watered with anticipation, every muscle in your body tense as you waited to feel him push inside. And not a single word formed on your tongue or a single thought in your mind.

"Yeah, I think you can," he answered for you with a smirk on his lips and his hand wrapped around himself, already guiding it into you. "And I'm gonna talk you through it."

With his arm snaked around your waist, he brought you down onto his cock in one swift motion, earning a sharp gasp from you as he filled you, a sudden stretch that felt somehow more delicious than it had the first time. Maybe because you knew what you had been missing out on this time around.

"Fuck, I missed you," you breathed, your eyes falling shut for a moment while your thighs warmed against his and the familiar sting of the stretch began to turn to pleasure.

His hands moved to your hips, finding the skin just under the material of the oversized shirt you still wore and digging into the skin there, not so hard so as to leave bruises but hard enough to keep you steady as you leaned forward to drop your forehead against his shoulder, suddenly overtaken by feelings you didn't quite understand.

He felt the shift, something akin to desperate to have him turned desperate to keep him. He felt it in your hot breath against his neck, felt it in the heat radiating from every point on your body, felt it in the unsteady beat of breaths you were taking, almost overtaken by the fierce pounding of your heart as desire and hurt and guilt all fought to take hold of your body. But he didn't retreat from what he felt, only held you that much tighter.

"Are you still with me?" he asked softly, just above a whisper against the shell of your ear, a brief pause from the man he seemed to become when in your bedroom.

You were with him. Maybe a little too with him, you realized. Josh had sent his brother to the rescue so many times, you were beginning to want to be rescued.

"I'm with you," was all you answered back, saving him from your inner turmoil in hopes he'd let you keep going through it.

He seemed keen to let you, too. Or maybe keen to let himself was more accurate. Regardless, wherever your mind had begun to drift, you were suddenly snapped back into place within his arms as he breathed out a rather unfair, "Good girl," and pulled your hips forward once, sliding you easily along his cock thanks to the slick that had been building since the moment you had seen him standing there at your front door. Shamelessly.

"Shit, Jake," you hissed as searing hot pleasure seeped into your body the longer you warmed around him. It incited you to move your hips, slowly at first, searching for that delicious push and pull and stretch of him inside you that felt like a too-distant memory.

He dipped one arm around your waist as his other curled up over your back to bury his hand in your hair, keeping your forehead pressed into his skin as he mumbled words of encouragement. Not that you needed encouraging. His cock, thick and hot inside of you was certainly encouragement enough.

"Ride it, just like that," he murmured as your hips worked up into a steady rhythm. "Just like that, that's it."

You clung to him as you did, clung to the feeling of being full, of his arms holding you. And it only spurred you on, your movements quickening their pace as you moved around him and the sound of skin on skin and both of your heavy breathing began to fill the room. Gentle curses whispered in nothing but a breath betrayed his always cool and casual demeanor and only seemed to fuel the feeling growing hot in your abdomen.

You slid easily along his cock, up and down, taking him fully each time before retreating. His arms helped you move too, encouraging your pace and squeezing you hard like you were grounding him even though you were certain it was the other way around.

"You're so fucking perfect like this," he whispered against your hair, the words punctuated by a noise you'd never quite heard him make, a shameless moan that you suddenly felt desperate to hear again. But having let the sound slip, he seemed to regain his control as he used his grip in your hair to pull your face back to meet his eyes. They were glassy, almost glazed over with euphoria, his lips parted as he struggled and failed to breath evenly, a thin sheen of sweat forming on his forehead and matting his hair to it. He was breathtaking, as usual.

"Jesus fuck, Jake," you breathed, your voice hitching in your throat as the words turned into a pathetic noise.

"Yeah? Tell me all about it," he asked in a breathy, hushed voice like it was a secret meant only for the two of you. "Did you miss me, beautiful? Does that feel as good as you remember?"

Better.

You gave him a desperate nod, answering all and none of his questions at once, your brows furrowed and bottom lip sucked between your teeth and the tension building within you clearly visible on your face.

He nodded back with a whisper of a smirk on his lips, breathless as he was himself. "Yeah, poor thing missed my cock, didn’t she? Tell me how good I feel," he urged.

"Fuck, Jake, you feel so good," you practically chanted, stealing a moment to gaze down at where the two of you connected while something about blurred lines fizzled out of view in the back of your mind. "So fucking good."

Like you belong here with me.

A groan ripped its way through his chest as his hips began lifting slightly to meet each of your downward motions, driving his cock into your sensitive spot with each thrust and only making you want to ride him that much harder despite the burn creeping up into your knees.

"You take it so well for me, such a fucking good girl," he praised you through gritted teeth and a clenched jaw. "Bouncing on it like you were fucking made for it, that's my pretty girl."

You reveled in his words and the way they heightened the pleasure of his cock pressing against that sweet spot inside of you on each inward thrust, pushing you closer and closer to your own orgasm.

He could see the impending release in your eyes, too, given the way he suddenly gripped you harder and brought his mouth close to your ear to whisper to you his words of encouragement, using one hand splayed flat against the bed to hold you both up. "I know you want to come. Let it go for me, I'll talk you through it just like I promised. I've got you, baby."

Fuck.

"God, Jake," you moaned against his throat, fighting through the strain of your muscles to ride him harder, to take him deeper and faster, wet noises now echoing obscenely through the room.

"Yeah, just like that, let it go," he urged in what was something like half-coherent words, half-moan. "I want you to come all over my cock. Make a mess of me like you're so good at doing." And then a light, "Fuck," after meant only for you.

You were close but it threatened to tumble back downward without reaching its peak, a mental block that you felt you were suddenly fighting, desperately trying to push through before you lost it altogether. But Jake's voice suddenly came softer, finding you in your struggle and bringing you back up to the surface.

"Just relax, let it happen," he coaxed as he took your jaw in his hand to direct your eyes to his, warm and inviting and safe. "I've got you, I'm with you. Just let me feel you."

Fuck.

With his words, you were done for. You felt it ripple through you lightly at first, quickly growing more intense as you pushed your body through it, spurred on by his continued movements matching yours. Your eyes struggled to stay open as it washed through you but watching you and, in turn, you watching him, seemed to push his own orgasm along. His own face began to show the control that was quickly evading him.

Suddenly he was flipping you onto your back, your bodies still connected, and driving into you as his name spilled from your mouth over and over again. Hiking your leg up over his shoulder, he pushed himself over the edge and you along with him for a second time, his hand still wrapped beneath your jaw but his forehead now falling against your sternum as he basked in it and fucked you both through it.

You each came down slowly, neither of you moving from your place where your arms still held one another. If reality was that he had to leave your arms, you didn't want to face it. But finally, with a sigh, Jake withdrew and pulled his exhausted self from your grasp to grab a towel and clean you up, cleaning himself up shortly after.

You maneuvered into the warm embrace of your comforter to watch him move about the room, collecting his shirt and belt and redressing silently before he crossed back over to you. But this time, he didn't join you under the covers. Instead he stood beside you and let his hand cradle your cheek for a moment, looking like he was memorizing your fucked out look. Or just all the little details he had missed.

"You should get some sleep," he said quietly, looking almost forlorn.

"I don't want you to go," you argued immediately, knowing his next steps would either carry him out the door or bring him to your side.

But he only shook his head, much to your disappointment.

"You said you would stay if I asked."

Maybe that was mean to throw at him but he had said it and you weren't really in a good place to be abandoned by another of the Kiszka brothers.

He swallowed hard and let his thumb swipe gently along your jaw. He looked…remorseful.

"Josh will be home soon. I think the two of you should talk. And I don't think I should be here when he gets here."

With only a quick kiss pressed to your forehead, he was out the door without another glance your direction before you had more time to protest, quietly padding through the home to collect his things. It wasn't until you heard the front door shut that you felt truly alone in your own home, wondering when Josh would arrive. And you felt tears well up in your chest and begin to spill from your eyes.

#gvf #greta van fleet #jake kiszka #jake kiszka fic #josh kiszka #josh kiszka fic #jake kiszka smut #greta van fic #greta van fleet fic #greta van fleet smut

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chiquititaosita · 1 year

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Monster trio + Shanks Red Nails Theory

hi guys to get some context on red nails it’s basically about how men are especially attracted to women wearing red nail polish, and that attraction exists because men remember seeing their mothers and other specific female figures in their lives wore red nail polish when they were children. but the color red represents love, desire, boldness, and sensuality. And in my opinion I wore red nail polish a lot. My gym trainer (male) ALWAYS COMPLIMENTED ON MY RED NAILS! ALWAYS WHEN IT WAS RED FOR NO REASON! anyways let’s get into it y’all can thank me later :)

Luffy

• Don’t get me wrong luffy is keen to detail but he’s a teeny bit slow 😭

• “you’re bleeding?!OMG YOURE BLEEDING! NOOOO!! WHERES CHOPPER!? CHOPPER!!!” panicked luffy is a rare sight to see but it’s actually adorable to witness

• there was this one time he asked if he could eat the nail monomer to your nail tech. (the smelly thing in the nail salon everyone hates/loves and what makes the nails hard)

• “girl is he okay? Does he need help?”

• “Haha yeah he’s good he’s just hangry because our cook locked out the kitchen.”

• your tech mentioned that there’s a market across the street he never ran so fast 😭

• nah I just feel like his mind wouldn’t cross it.

• but if your hands do cross his mind.

• he’s literally touchy touchy lovey dovey all the time, in all honesty. he wouldn’t even care.

• he’ll just look at your nails and say “omg y/n! We’re matching!!!!!!” he gets all giddy with that shishishi laugh ifykyk

•bby loves it when your hands intertwine, OR WHEN YOU PLACE YOUR HANDS ON HIS CHEST,

•or when you just glide your fingers on his scars admiring the bravery he has subsequently

• when you treat his wounds or hug him, he loves how you squeeze the living crap out of himself. I guess it makes him feel like he’s protecting you

• “can you do my nails the next time you do yours?”

• Let’s just say when luffy tried to get his nails done. He didn’t survive it. He kicked a nail tech when he got his calluses scrapped off. he’s too ticklish.

Zoro

• ngl hes VERY PROTECTIVE of his partner specifically just you in general

• when zoro at the salon waiting for you he asks for water or alcohol. He feels like it’ll be forever. “Oí, you got sake?”

•”yes sir but you have to pay for a service in order to have some alcohol.”

“What’s the least painful one?”

• not even 10 MINUTES LATER MANS GOT A FULL ON MANI PEDI he just wanted his hands and nails cleaned up.ain’t no one wanna see his grippers. 😭

• “Did you- “

• “I WAS THIRSTY Y/N!”

• he always understands that he has to be gentle and you’re not like sanji or some rag doll

• but when it comes to the red nails he looks confused “you rarely do your nails…that…color…”

• “I know I know, but I feel like it’s time for a change.”

• he blushes while avoiding eye contact with you ”I like them.”

•or the “not bad.”

• when you trace his scars or his calloused hands zoro just internally melts to your gentle touch

• “hold my hand. NOW” you usually tell him to hold your hand, and he complains so much.

•Literally you’re so used to him to complaining like saying

• “iT BURNS!” Zoro was just being even more sarcastic. He is not even used to affection, but this time he didn’t even complain when you wanted to hold his hand.

• Literally most of the straw hats laugh at zoro when he’s experiencing pda because he’s a tough guy. Giving “machismo” energy.

•he just furiously covers his face because he just doesn’t want to be seen to be blushing like a tomate 🍅

• “Aye! Mosshead and you said you’d never get your nails done- HYAYAYAYAYAYAAAAAAKAAAHA!” Sanji just kept dragging it.

• “SHUT UP CURLY!”

• when zoro holds your hands in his. Mans knew he had to be gentle. I don’t think the nails reminded him of anyone in female significance,

•other than the blood of his enemies or sanjis nose bleeds 😭

•he loves head scratches when he naps. It’s a MUST. poor moss head won’t sleep peacefully.

• you’ll be receiving lots and lots of back hugs when doing your chores and off guard.

Sanji

YALL THIS MANEEEE I WAITED FOR THIS ONE OMGGGG

• when sanji holds your hand during supper. the first thing he noticed was your nails being red.

• mans blushed “you got your nails done y/n-chan?”

• “hm.. oh yes I did why?”

•”they look beautiful in that color… it goes very well with your skin tone y/n-swann 😩❤️” there he goes simping again

•from taking the cigarette out of his mouth to kiss him, to holding the cup of tea between your hands it just makes him go crazy.

• he’ll just keep admiring at how beautiful you look, and of course compliment you.

•he rests the crook of his head on your shoulder kissing your neck, and whisper the most romantic things ever while having fingers Intertwined.

• he’s more affectionate and shows you off even more.

•will literally KICK A BITCH. If someone cat calls you with your

•”do you not understand how lucky I am to have a beautiful woman like you y/n.”

• sanji literally sits by you when you get your nails done. He’ll he said he’d get a manicure (we love a man who takes interest in their partners interest)

• he talks to the tech about how you’re the love of his life and on and on.

•” awe is she your girlfriend?”

•”yess!!!! She is! I’m so lucky to have a woman like her in my life 😭.” He teared up when he said that.

• in all honesty Sanji is just gonna be even more clingy and relaxed with you in private more than a simp he is in public.

• of course he’s going to spoil you, but he’s not going to feel tired, because he won’t stop until he feels satisfied.

Shanks

• “well well well if it isn’t my favorite color!” he got all giddy and shit. SIR WAS KISSING YOUR KNUCKLES.

• nah like for real. Shanks starts becoming more emotionally intimate with you with the red nails.

•he loves the way you flip through pages on documents, use your touch for the slightest things

• “so classy…mmm…so sexy….like me. HAHAHAHA.” You’re really trying to think its working on him but NOOO he loves tricking you.

•it’s that thing like with his observation haki. but nOO. he pulled a facade. He’s getting all internally nervous and becoming a blushing mess.

• when he has his free time he’s gonna be chasing you so good luck. “nooo!!! Put me down! Captain put me down please!”

•”KYAHAHA! Never!!!” He grinned and slapped your butt as he placed you on his shoulder. DAM HE Strong

•”well excuse me me and my lady love are going to have quality time ALONE!” Literally just cuddling

•”I hope you know that I love you y/n. like a lot. Im sorry i barley get to tell you that.” He admits as he kisses the top of your head holding your hands.

“I love you too… but can you try saying it more often… it makes me feel bad.” you gave them the puppy eyes. not even five seconds later you were showered with kisses and hugs by red haired shanks.

• so In conclusion the red nails theory DOES WORK on OP MEN.

(Imma do law and ace in the future dw guys :>)

hope y’all liked this one :)

#one piece imagines #one piece fluff #zoro x reader #fluff #one piece x reader #sanji x latina reader #sanji x y/n #sanji x fem reader #zoro x y/n #roronoa zoro #pirate hunter zoro #monkey d luffy #straw hat luffy #luffy x reader #shanks #shanks x reader #shanks fluff #red hair shanks

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vbecker10 · 1 year

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The Blind Date? (Part 3 of 4)

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 4 (in progress)

Pairing: Loki x female reader

Warnings: fighting, arguing, threatening language, brief use of a gun, mentions of dried blood, getting kidnapped... twice?, hangry, mild swearing... no fluff yet but I swear it is coming in the fourth part and it will be worth it

Summary: Your friend sets you up on a blind date with someone she works with at SHIELD but you accidentally end up on a mission with Loki. Your date comes to an abrupt end when you realize Loki isn't the one Michelle meant to set you up with and his mission puts you both in danger.

@michelleleewise thank you so so so much for reading every single part of this in random pieces and completely out of order over the last few days lol I really appreciate all of your help and letting me bounce ideas off of you!!

Dividers by: @harlequin-hangout

(Y/N POV)

"What... what do you mean 'who's Michelle?' You definitely know her. She has purple hair and works with you at SHIELD," you explain and he shrugs. "She's the one who set us up tonight... You talked to her the other day and she said you were looking forward to going on a blind date with me?"

He shakes his head and leans back in his chair, "No offense to you, of course but I would never agree to go on a blind date. Thor has tried many times to set me up, here and on Asgard but I have never needed anyone's assistance acquiring a date."

"You're literally on a blind date right now," you say, gesturing between the two of you.

"I am not-" he starts but his words die out and his expression suddenly changes, as if he's remembered something.

"Look, if you've changed your mind about this that's fine, Loki. I can just leave," you say loudly. Your outburst draws the attention of the people at the next table and you notice how Loki seems worried they are listening. You groan in frustration then snap at him, "And next time you're on a date with someone, try not to spend the whole night looking over at the beautiful women at the next table."

"Please, keep your voice down," he says in a hushed tone. "Come outside with me and we can talk. I will explain but you need to calm down," he urges as he stands up and tries to take your hand.

"I am calm and I'm not going anywhere with you. I'm going home," you tell him, you stand up as well and pull your hand free from his.

You look just beyond Loki and see the men and women at the table nearest you leaving quickly. The older man is left alone at the table but only for a moment as he waves over three men who had been standing in various corners of the restaurant. He whispers something to the large men and points towards you and Loki.

"Great," you mumble at Loki, "Now we're going to get banned from here and I didn't even get to eat dinner."

"We will be lucky if that is all that happens," he says quietly.

"What are you talking about?" you demand but he doesn't answer. He turns slightly and takes something out of his pocket, placing it in his ear. "What the hell-"

"Be quiet," he says to you in a harsh tone. The three men approach your table and the older man disappears into the kitchen. Loki faces the men, putting himself between you and them and smiles apologetically. "I'm sorry for the disturbance," he offers, "My girlfriend and I were having a bit of a lovers quarrel but it's been settled and we were just leaving." He takes your hand and this time you don't pull away as he tries to guide you from the table.

"We have a private room in the back where you and your lady can sort out your... issues," one of the men says in a gravely voice.

"That won't be necessary," he replies and you squeeze his hand tightly. "She was right and I was wrong, which is usually the case as I'm sure you all know."

One of the men grabs your wrist and tries to pull you from Loki, "I'm going to have to insist you join us in the back room, Loki."

Your heart begins to pound faster as you look to the God of Mischief for help but instead he calmly asks, "Loki? Why on Earth would you call me that?"

"That's what she keeps calling you, isn't it?" the man who is holding your arm answers.

"Oh, that's just a pet name she has for me, I will admit it's a bit odd. I would tell you the story of why but... well it's very long and not entirely appropriate," he says with a wink.

"Is that true?" the man asks you and you nod quickly. "In that case, I think you should tell us the story behind the nickname. We're all curious, aren't we?" he says as he looks at the other two men. "Come now," he pulls on your arm again, "You can tell us everything in the back." As he starts to move you towards the kitchen, his jacket opens slightly and you catch a glimpse of a gun in a holster at his side.

"Loki?" you ask in a terrified whisper.

Loki's attention shifts from the three men to you and suddenly his appearance changes. Standing in front of you is a man you vaguely remember seeing by the bar earlier. "What the fuck-" one of the men can barely ask before his appearance shifts again and the waiter who spilled the water is holding your hand. Just as quickly, he becomes Loki again and the man holding you reaches into his jacket with his free hand.

"There's no need for that," Loki says calmly. He looks over at you and says, "We will go with you," and you nod slightly, not knowing what else to do. The other two men each grab one of his arms and you are both pushed towards the kitchen.

"Stay calm," Loki whispers to you as they open the doors to the kitchen, but that was easier said than done.

(LOKI POV)

"You've got to be kidding me, Laufeyson," Stark says loudly in your ear. "You're going to get this woman killed. You need to get the hell out of there now, before this gets any worse... if that's even possible."

"And remember, you can't just kill everyone," Rogers adds and you force yourself not to roll your eyes. "That place is full of innocent civilians and we still need to keep as much of the recon mission intact as possible or this will all have been for nothing."

The cooks and waiters in the kitchen expertly avoid eye contact with you and Y/N as you are lead through the room towards the metal doors. "These two were planning to dine and dash so we're taking them to see the boss," one of the men explains but no one acknowledges him. You imagine this isn't the first time the employees have witnessed people being dragged into the back rooms. You briefly wonder if any of those people had been able to talk their way out of leaving through the front door.

You can tell Y/N is scared and confused but you force down the growing feeling of guilt, you need to keep a level head to get the two of you out of this. You don't resist as the two enforcers push you through the metal door on the left, into the halfway you were in earlier. "This way," the man holding onto Y/N's arm grunts as he pulls her down the hall.

You hear Rogers say, "This isn't good." You grind your teeth to keep from asking if anything about your current situation was good.

He stops to unlock the door on the other side of the hall from the office. You remember seeing it on the floor plan and it was a room you had no desire to go into. Y/N tries to struggle as she is dragged into the room first and you are brought in only a few steps behind. The room is empty except for four large meat hooks which hang from the ceiling. Tattered rope hangs on the end of one of the hooks from the last individual who offended the mob. Trails of dried blood have seeped into the concrete, leading to a rusted metal drain in the center of the floor.

"If you're going to do something, I suggest doing it now, Laufeyson," Stark urges and for once you agree with him.

With the door still open, you easily pull your arms free from the two enforcers who had been holding you. Before they can react, you wave your arm towards both of them, slamming them into the blood stained tile wall with a green flash. They hit the floor hard, one unconscious and one groaning in pain as he tries to stand up. Without waiting for him to get to his feet, you wave your hand downwards and with another green flash his head hits the ground with a thud.

You turn your attention to Y/N and the man holding her, walking slowly towards them. He tightens his grip on her arm and pulls her in front of him as a shield. He takes out his gun and points it at you over her shoulder, his hand shaking. With a flick of your wrist, you let out a green flash which pulls the gun from his hand, sending it sliding across the floor.

"Let go of her," you order him and to your surprise, he does.

He quickly releases Y/N and steps to the side of her, his arms raised slightly in surrender as he backs away from you. Not willing to risk being followed, you wave your arm wide and he hits the tile wall hard, shattering a few.

You reach for Y/N and ask her, "Are you alright?"

She looks at you in stunned silence for a moment than suddenly, she raises both hands to your chest and tries to shove you but you don't move. She yells, "No! No, I am not alright! What the hell is going on?"

You take a lose hold of her wrists and lower her hands gently. "I told you, I will explain but we need to leave," you tell her. She looks towards the open door and then back at the three unconscious men. "Unless you would like to stay and see how long it takes them to wake up," you say when she doesn't move.

"Ready to go when you are," she responds and you nod.

You take her hand, keeping her close to you as you leave the room. You wave your free hand towards the door to the office and a green glow surrounds it momentarily. She looks at you questioningly and you answer, "Just making sure it's locked."

"Here, this door leads to a back alley," you tell her as you use your magic to disable the alarm attached to it. "Captain Rogers will meet us a few blocks away and bring us back to the Tower," you say once you are finally outside.

"I'm going to need that," you hear from the front seat and look up before you can even unlock your phone.

(Y/N POV)

Three blocks away from the restaurant, you and Loki finally slow down just as a black van pulls up next to you. The side door slides open and Loki tells you to get in. You do without question and he follows you, pulling the door shut as the van takes off. You take a few slow, deep breaths and sit back in your seat as the van makes a turn.

"Can you drop me off at the subway station coming up?" you ask and Captain Rogers turns around from the front passenger seat.

"Sorry Y/N," he says. "That won't be possible."

"What- how do you know my name?" you ask and Loki turns from you, looking out the window.

"We were listening," Tony Stark answers through a speaker in the front of the van.

"Why would you do that?" you ask.

"Loki was on his first solo mission," Captain Rogers explains.

"First solo mission..." you repeat. "Wait, I was part of some stupid mission?"

"Yes and believe me, none of us are happy about it," he answers. He turns to Loki who is still looking out the window. "Everything that happened tonight is going in my report. I think we're going to have to extend your probation."

"You're on probation?" you ask him loudly and he nods but doesn't speak. "Wait... but why can't you take me to the subway?" you ask as the agent driving passes the station entrance.

"You need to come back to the Tower and be debriefed," Tony says.

"Debriefed? But I don't know anything about what just happened and to be honest I don't really want to know. I want to go home, eat something with chocolate in it and go to sleep," you tell them honestly.

"I'm sorry, it's too late," Captain Rogers says.

You sit back in your seat again then take your phone out. You need to text Jess and Michelle, you have to tell them what happened and that you are on your way to the Tower. Maybe they would be able to meet you there and help you sort out what was going on.

"What?" you ask Captain Rogers.

He holds out his hand, "I need your phone."

"You can't be serious?" you ask, looking at Loki for help but he just stares out the window in silence.

"I'm sorry but its protocol," he shrugs.

"This is bullshit," you mumble as you hand him your phone then cross you arms and sit back in your seat.

Through the speaker in the front of the van, Tony says, "Language."

(Y/N POV)

You follow Agent Hill silently down the long hallway, there are five tall doors on either side with an agent posted outside each one. You try not to look as intimidated as you feel when she opens the third door, leading you into a small room. Your stomach drops and you immediately recognize this space, anyone who had ever watched a law enforcement show would know this was an interrogation room. There is a rectangular steel table in the middle with an uncomfortable looking chair on each of the long sides. The light gray walls are completely bare and there are no windows, unless you were to count the mirror on the wall opposite the door. You have no doubt the large framed mirror is a one-way window, an idea which makes you feel more than a little paranoid.

"No, there's been a mistake," you say to her, turning to leave. "Isn't there somewhere else I can wait to talk to-" the agent on guard at the door easily moves to block you from leaving.

"Someone will be in to talk to you in a few minutes," Agent Hill replies calmly and motions for the agent to return to his post. "Try to make yourself comfortable," she says and when you turn towards the harsh metal chairs she leaves the room.

You look quickly back at the door when you hear it slam closed, unable to move from shock you stand motionless in the middle of the room. After a few moments, you realize she was being serious about making yourself comfortable although you have no idea how you are supposed to do that. You take a few deep breaths to calm yourself before you decide sitting still would probably make you even more anxious than you already are. You walk to the edge of the room and wander slowly around the space, the steady clicking of your increasingly painful heels is the only sound other than a steady flow of air from the vent over the door. After the tenth lap you begin to grow impatient and walk over to the mirrored window.

You knock on the glass and wait a few seconds before asking, "Is someone in there?" You aren't surprised when there isn't a response but you try again anyway. Knocking slightly harder the second time you ask, "Can I talk to Captain Rogers or... anyone?"

You pause as you realize you not only weren't told who you are supposed to be debriefed by but also why you would need to be. You only knew two things about the mission he was apparently on. The first being, the old man who owned the restaurant was clearly into something bad enough that the Avengers had taken notice of him and the second was that Loki had for some reason been required to pretend he was interested in you.

You decide to attempt to speak to someone one more time and knock on the window again. "I really want to go home. I swear I don't know anything, can't you just let me leave?" you ask but the only answer is silence.

You turn from the window and begin to pace around the room again, unable to stop looking at your watch every time you complete a lap. Fifteen minutes later you find yourself standing in front of the door, staring at the handle. You shake your head and reach out, gripping the handle tightly as you try to turn it but you knew nothing would happen. You twist the handle to the left then right and back again but it won't turn.

"For fuck's sake," you groan as you give up on the door. You pull out one of the chairs and it scraps loudly on the tile, causing you to wince from the sound. I can't be here that much longer, you think but you are beginning to wonder if SHIELD is planning on leaving you here all night.

Your stomach grumbles and you wish you had been able to eat dinner. You didn't even have a chance to finish your appetizer before everything went to hell. You lean back and stare up at the ceiling, counting the tiles out loud to distract yourself.

When you finish your count you check your watch again, it's just after 9 pm. You get up angrily, you had been locked in this room for almost forty five minutes. You knock on the glass with more force than last few times and demand to speak to someone. "I'm tired of waiting around in here. You can't just keep me all night. I haven't done anything wrong and I want to go home, now," you keep your face close to the mirror but you are unable to see beyond your reflection.

The silence means everything, you are going to be in here for a long as SHIELD decides to keep you. You pound on the glass one more time in anger, pain spreads through your hand and down your wrist. You sit back in the chair and hold your hand, slowly flexing your fingers.

"This is fucking ridiculous," you curse under your breath, a part of you wishing Tony Stark or Captain Rogers would at least appear to yell at you about your language. You cross your arms on the table and rest your head on them, "This has to be the worst blind date anyone has ever been on."

(Y/N POV)

The solid door slams closed, jolting you awake. You sit up quickly, your heart pounding as you look around the room and slowly remember where you are. Rubbing your eyes with one hand, you blink as the figure by the door comes into focus.

"Oh good, you're awake," he says as he walks over to the table. "Nick Fury, Director of SHIELD," he introduces himself.

You barely register what he said as you check your watch in disbelief, "I've been in here for three and a half hours!?"

"Sorry about that, we had to deal with a small... miscommunication," he says. He opens the folder in his hand and reads the contents for a moment before asking, "What's your full name?"

"Y/N Y/L/N," you answer, unwilling to hide the annoyance in your tone. He nods then takes a single sheet of paper out of the thin folder and places it on the table with a pen. "What is this?" you ask, picking it up.

"A non-disclosure agreement," he answers.

You look up at him quickly, "What?! I thought I was supposed to be interviewed or debriefed or something. I've been sitting here for hours for this stupid piece of paper?"

"That would be what the miscommunication was about," he replies as if it was obvious.

"You're freaking joking," you say, still in shock that this night hadn't ended yet.

"Do I look like someone who tells jokes?" he asks and you shake your head silently, biting back a sarcastic comment. He offers only a slight explanation for the extremely long wait, "Loki informed the team that you truly were unaware of any part of the mission so a debriefing wouldn't be necessary. Sign this and you can be on your way."

"And what if I don't want to sign it?" you ask, your anger at the current situation outweighting your common sense.

"It wasn't a request," he answers.

You glance at the paper, knowing you should at least skim it but you are too angry and tired and hungry to deal with it. You sign the paper quickly and toss the pen back on the table as you stand up. "Can I have my phone back now?" you ask.

He picks up the paper, putting it back in the folder then takes your phone out of his jacket pocket. "Agent Coulson will take you home now," he says, handing you the phone.

You momentarily debate turning down the offer but decide against it. On a good night it wasn't a great idea to take the subway at midnight alone and this certainly hadn't been a good night. "Fine, but he's stopping somewhere so I can get food," you respond as a man who you assume is Agent Coulson walks into the room.

"Sorry Miss Y/L/N, I'm only authorized to drive you home," he says and you sigh loudly. He holds the door open and you walk out into the hallway. "This way," he turns to the left and you follow him to the elevators.

(LOKI POV)

Thor stands by the door and waits for Stark, Rogers, Fury and Barnes to leave the room. You aren't in the mood to speak to your brother at the moment but you doubt that will stop him.

"You can yell if you would like, brother, but I'm sure Rogers covered how much of a failure I am already," you tell him as you walk towards the door.

"I'm not going to yell," he says calmly as you walk past him into the hallway.

"Ah, trying the 'I'm not mad, I'm disappointed method?" you jokingly ask and he follows you.

"I just want to know why you would risk being sent back to Asgard," he says and you stop. "This wasn't just another mission, this was your first one without the team. You were supposed to follow the plan and show them you could be trusted. Why would you endanger a civilian and gamble with the mission?"

You stand in front of him silently for a moment before answering. "I honestly thought the mission was simple enough. I should have had no issues planting the listening devices and spending the rest of the evening enjoying a meal with someone who... who doesn't think of me the way they all do," you gesture towards the empty seats.

Before your brother can respond, you see Y/N being escorted to the elevators by Agent Coulson. You take two steps in that direction and Thor puts his hand on your shoulder.

"Do you really think that is a good idea?" he asks.

"I just wanted to apologize to her for-" you start to explain.

Agent Coulson pushes the button to call the elevator and Y/N looks around slowly as if she is bored. She notices you and Thor, immediately turning away from you as she crosses her arms angrily.

"I have a feeling you might be the last person on Midgard she has any interest in speaking to right now," Thor says.

(Y/N POV)

You turn on the lights, lock the front door and sigh in relief as you pry off your heels, swearing you will never wear them again. You lean heavily against the door and finally take out your phone. You hadn't responded to your friends while you were in the car with Agent Coulson. You had been too busy trying to convince him that no one would notice if he stopped at a deli or a fast food restaurant for a few minutes. According to him, they would have and you finally gave up, spending the rest of the thirty minute car ride in hangry silence.

You stop in the hallway, mid-step at the sheer amount of messages and calls you missed. Michelle and Jess must have thought you had been kidnapped or killed and to be honest you did get kidnapped... twice. Once by whoever the angry men were at the restaurant and then again by SHIELD.

You open the chat between the three of you and decide you'll read all the messages tomorrow. The last thing you want to do right now is think about how tonight had officially been the worst blind date you or anyone else had ever been on. You decide a simple 'I'm home and I'm not dead' text will have to suffice. You type out the message, letting them know you will call them in the morning as you walk into your kitchen. Opening the fridge and take out a bottle of water then grab a package of pretzels from the cabinet.

You sit on the couch, tossing your phone onto the coffee table and slowly drink the water. You swing your legs up onto the couch and forget entirely about the pretzels as you close your eyes.

(LOKI POV)

"I still don't understand why I simply can't summon the weapons I need during training," you complain to your brother. "Why must I borrow their inferior ones. I will never use them in a fight."

"If you keep skipping these training courses, you won't have to worry about their inferior weapons because they will never let you out into the field again," Thor counters and you groan. The Avengers seemed to have a training course or seminar on everything, even how to fill out paperwork which you recently found out you are still doing incorrectly somehow. You were almost convinced that the Captain changed the requirements every time you submitted a form.

"Very well," you mutter in response as you enter the armory. You freeze the moment the door closes and Thor smiles at you.

"Something wrong brother?" he asks. You gesture towards the two woman talking behind the raised counter. "Oh, you know Michelle and Jess, don't you Loki?" The woman with the purple hair turns towards you and you find yourself thankful that looks can not actually kill.

"No, we've never formally met," you find your voice after a moment.

Thor walks towards the two woman, Michelle crosses her arms against her chest and watches you closely. Her coworker, with red and blue highlights, picks up one of the small throwing knives from the counter and slowly begins to play with it.

You nod awkwardly. "And this is Michelle. She heads up the research department that deals with biological and chemical weapons," Thor continues.

"Good afternoon," Thor smiles at both of them, clearly enjoying how uncomfortable you are. "Well Loki, this is Jess. She is a weapons specialist and runs most of the training simulators. You'll need to speak with her about signing out the daggers you want to use," he tells you.

"Hello," you say after clearing your throat.

"I'll leave you three to talk," Thor says as he backs away from you. "Oh, brother I was wrong. There isn't a training course today so take as much time with Y/N's friends as you need." With that, he slips out of the room, leaving you alone with two women who are less than fond of you.

You stand in front of them for a moment, trying to decide how to phrase your question. Thor knew you had been thinking about Y/N a lot over the last week and you felt as if you needed to apologize to her for everything that happened. You hadn't meant to put her in danger or have her locked in an interrogation room for hours. Truth be told, when you weren't trying to focus on the mission, you enjoyed the brief moments you had been able to spend with her.

"What do you want?" Michelle finally asks.

"I was hoping you would give me Y/N's phone number?" you ask. "I need to speak with her."

Please let me know if you want to be added or taken off the tag list 💚💚

@soubi001 @ace-of-gay @misunderstoodself @coldnique @lokiprompts @thomase1 @mochie85 @fi-recs-fics @huntress-artemiss @sititran @xorpsbane @kkdvkyya @lokisgoodgirl @muddyorbs @holdmytesseract @kats72 @avoliax @peaches1958 @peachyjinx @loopsisloops @unabashed-lover-of-fictional-men @high-functioning-lokipath @psychospore @dukes2581 @buttercupcookies-blog @animnerd @lokiswife-dark-fox-queen @laufeyson-16 @loki-laufeyson-1054 @pics-and-fanfics @coffeeorsomething-irl @crimson25 @simping-for-marvel @slytherclaw1227 @lokixryss @lokidokieokie @unlucky-number-13 @asuni921 @currish-rosewolfe @elizabethmidnight2017 @ijuststareatstuffhereok89 @sunshineangel-reads @eleniblue @kikster606 @vickie5446 @kaogasm @msturi2u @mjsthrillernp

Likes, comments and reblogs are always appreciated 💚💚

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harlowcomehome · 1 year

Text

“Alpha men don’t giggle.”

A/N: Thank you my 💀 anon for the request.

You and Jack had a little road trip planned, you were driving to Atlanta to spend the weekend. The two of you had discussed how you had never been before and to Jack that was just crazy. He was looking forward to showing you around.

“Are you sure you don’t want to take a plane?” You asked, knowing how much he hated to drive for long distances. You followed him out of the house carrying your purse and a water bottle for the two of you.

“Nope! We are doing this the exact way I used to, you’re getting the full experience” Jack laughed as he put the rest of your bags into the car.

“I just don’t want you to be a grump” you teased in response. “Did you get everything? I already locked the doors but I can run in if you-”

He interrupted you with a laugh once he heard what you said “we’re getting food on the way, so no worries about that for either one of us” he winked. You couldn’t help but laugh, shaking your head at him.

You were a little hangry once at the start of your relationship and Jack would never forget it, he reminded you about it often actually.

“Chick-fil-A?” You asked excitedly, giving him a pouty face.

“Y/N” he replied wide eyed and laughed. Before he could say anything else you reminded him it was closer than your nearest kentucky fried chicken.

“Fine, don’t tell KFC though” he joked as the two of you got into his jeep.

You were scrolling through videos on tiktok as the two of you waited in the drive-thru line. Jack had to take a call real quick so while he did that you popped a headphone in to continue watching.

You came across a video of a couple at a drive-thru line, one girl was tickling the other as she tried to order and you had to keep yourself from laughing. You knew you instantly had to do it, it was a sign!

Jack was insanely ticklish, don’t even breathe on him for too long type of ticklish but he would NEVER admit that.

When he got off his call you took your headphone out of your ear and turned to him, “everything okay?”

“Oh yeah, they just wanted my opinions on some stuff. All good baby” he smiled, giving you a quick kiss before pulling up to order.

“The usual?” He asked and you nodded, getting momentary butterflies at the fact that he even remembered your order.

Jack started to speak “Yeah can I ge-“ but he was interrupted by your fast moving hands against his sides.

He cleared his throat to hold back the laugh, giving you a wide eyed look. “Sorry about that” he surprisingly got the words out clearly.

“Can I get a twelve count-“ and before he could continue you were already tickling him again. He laughed out loud this time, slapping a hand over his own mouth and giving you a look. “Babeeee” he whined, holding your arms down as best as he could.

“One second, sorry” Jack told the person taking his order.

“Admit it” you whispered with a grin, “I’ll stop if you admit you’re ticklish.”

“Your hands are just cold” he whispered back to you before trying to complete the order as fast as he could.

“You were literally giggling” you laughed as he pulled the car up.

“I was not giggling, alpha men don’t giggle” he blushed and you couldn’t stop laughing at the sentence that just came out of his mouth.

“Admit you’re ticklish or I’m tickling you at that window when you pay” you threatened.

“I won’t pay for your food then, just mine” he smirked knowing damn well he wouldn’t dare.

You poked at his hip bone and he practically jumped out of the car, “fine, you win.”

“Say it” you smirked as he pulled up to the window.

He gave the worker his card to pay and she watched the two of you as you both giggled with one another.

“Tickle challenge huh?” She asked as she gave him his card back, along with the two bags of food. You could feel Jacks embarrassment beside you and you wanted to laugh but held it in.

“Mhmm” he replied before thanking her and driving forward to leave, he parked the car momentarily.

The two of you sat in silence for about twenty seconds.

“I can’t believe you did that” he started laughing uncontrollably and you were just relieved he wasn’t actually upset.

“You’re welcome” you smirked, holding your hand out for him to give you the bag of food on his lap.

“Oh no, these are my nuggets” he laughed, opening the bag and eating one. “That’s the price you pay for that” he joked and you laughed in response.

“Hey, you’re the one that has to deal with me on this road trip” you winked and he quickly handed you the bag of food dramatically.

“Just remember” he smiled “you’re ticklish too.”

“Jackman…” you warned and he shrugged in response before saying “I’ll get you when you least expect it.”

“This is going to be a long road trip” you laughed.

“You started it” he replied in a sing-songy tone, batting his long eyelashes at you with a smile.

“God, I love you” you thought to yourself, but instead you just smiled in response.

#Jack Harlow #Jack Harlow x reader #Jack Harlow concepts #Jack Harlow imagines #Jack Harlow fluff #💀 anon

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gavinsdeviant · 1 year

Text

Things me and my friends have said as Redacted characters

Just a warning that this is all for fun and the jokes that we wanted to share.

Also this mostly consists of me and @davidshawswife so do with that what you will lol

Hope you enjoy x

—

Huxley, visibly sweating: “Please don’t unsubscribe, I swear it gets better.”

Damien: “You should start making ad campaigns for a gym.”

Darlin/Babe, gorging on snacks: “I’m watching true crime so it’ll be fine.”

Angel: “It’s like you want me to cry on the the kitchen floor.”

Guy, completely out of the blue: “We love an accidental piss.”

Darlin, bleeding out on their own couch, talking to Sam: “I’ll boost your ego in my suicide note.”

Gavin: “Hoe life or no life.”

Lovely: “WITH EVERY ATOM IN MY BODY I WANT HIM TO DANCE OVER MY DYING CORPSE.” (For storyline purposes, this is a joke)

David, completely done with life: “Please don’t tell me your a flat earther.”

Angel: “I’m really not but things would have been a lot easier for us depressed folks.”

Sam during Inversion: “As long as nobody was decapitated, we are all fine.”

Guy, after Honey comes home: “The princess was hangry, ladies and worms.”

Gavin, during Halloween in the 2000’s: “This is the skin of a killer, Bella.”

Their therapist: “We were talking about how to get extremely hurt and not lose your ability to walk. How do we think that could happen?

Lovely, contemplating life: “Death.”

Darlin: “Are you upset with me?”

Sam: “No… I just freaked out cause you were like SOS and I was like WTF.”

Huxley: “My mom thinks you’re pretty.”

Damien, blushing: “…”

David, sarcastically: “Have fun. Don’t crash.”

Ash: “Yeah, so I almost did in fact crash.”

Ollie’s listener: “My parents will probably pray for my soul. They already do. I’ve literally heard my dad praying for me and I laughed. He sounded so desperate LMAO.”

Their therapist: “Same.”

David, begrudgingly: “I love you.”

Ash: “I love you too, babygowrl.”

Freelancer, losing their shit: “You sound like a kettle.”

Gavin: “You sound like an imitation of a dolphin.”

Angel, eyes brimming with tears: “My mother just said she loves you.”

David: “Slay.” (with all due respect, this is a joke)

Darlin, talking about Quinn: “Depression and obsession don’t mix well.”

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meowzfordayz · 2 years

Text

falling out of love pt 2

Author’s Note: for ppl who enjoy breaking their own hearts. 😔

falling out of love pt 2

Hashira x Reader, Kamaboko x Reader

Word Count: ~700

CW: none

falling out of love pt 1

~faqs~

They know you’re falling out of love when…

… you’re genuinely impatient with Zenitsu. You’re still polite toward his self perceived shortcomings, but you aren’t safe anymore. When he starts feeling inadequate under your scrutiny.

… you stop challenging Inosuke to rematches. To anything. He’s dimly aware of your fading interest. Of your dwindling amusement. But he immediately assumes you’re simply tired of losing to him. Until he tries—in his typical, roundabout manner—to apologize, and you shrug him off airily. When he realizes you don’t care about winning or losing. When he realizes you don’t care about him.

… Gyomei ceases to impress you. He’s humble. Not consciously determined to awe or dazzle you. But he adores you. Adores how you cheer enthusiastically as he trains. Adores how you dote over even his slightest injuries. Adores how your giggling makes him feel invincible. When he discovers his invincibility has a fatal weakness. You. Or—more precisely—a lack of you.

… you forget to inquire about Kaburamura. Obanai appreciates your thoughtfulness. Your attentiveness. So to neglect his only other consistent—you, being the first—companion? He isn’t offended. But he dreads the creeping implication of your behavior. When you slowly but surely seem to relinquish your position of significance. When you distance yourself from him to allow someone, something, else to fill your spot. But, you’re irreplaceable.

… your kisses become fleeting. Tanjirou barely feels the comforting warmth of your lips against his forehead before you’re wiggling away. Hardly registers the pressure of your mouth grazing his cheek before you grab his hand, mumbling about lunch. Your subtle gestures—tapping his shoulder, squeezing his bicep, ruffling his hair—used to feel intimate. And now? They feel monotonous. When he blushes as you poke his nose, and all you do is faintly smile.

… you answer Mitsuri shortly. Not short as in terse. Short as in, literally, short. How was your day? she’ll ask with a radiant grin. Fine you’ll answer, smiling back. Nothing more. Nothing less. The first time, she assumes you’re sleepy. The second time, she assumes you’re hangry. When there’s a third time, a fourth time, and a fifth time. When you feel like a stranger to her, regardless of her devotion and effort.

… you brush off Shinobu’s concerns. She knows she tends to worry, can be overbearing. But you reassure her. I feel so loved and Thank you for cherishing me and Let me take care of you. And then… you shift. I’m fine and Whatever and Let me handle this. When you clearly don’t need—don’t want—her presence.

… you tell Kyojuro. Just as he’s honest with you, you’re honest with him. He tells himself he’s taking your confession well. This is okay, I am okay, okay, okay, okay. But you know better. You know him. The ache in his stare mirroring the despair in yours. He doesn’t ask to try and fix or solve or put back together. Because he respects you. Trusts you. Even as you strip him of time, of being — of love.

… you talk to Sanemi normally. You have your Sanemi voice, and your everyone else voice. A soft vulnerability, and a casual nonchalance. He doesn’t expect you to speak with your Sanemi voice in public, but in private? He knows something’s wrong. Teetering. Fracturing. When you address Sanemi just as you address everyone else.

… Muichiro notices a decline in the little things. A decline in how often you grab him chopsticks along with your own. Always to never. In how often you offer him a glass of water when you too feel thirsty. Always to never. When he watches you pluck a flower. When you don’t pluck another for him.

… you don’t borrow Giyuu’s haori. He doesn’t catch you nuzzling your nose into its collar. Doesn’t find you napping with it on. Doesn’t have to playfully wrestle you to finally get to wear it himself. When you’re satisfied with your own scent, your own comfort, your own haori.

… you ignore Tengen. Not consciously or manipulatively. You just. Tune him out. Flamboyant. Quiet. Flashy. Promising. No matter the angle, he fails to enrapture you. He teases you, initially. Distracted? as he winks enthusiastically, flexing exaggeratedly. Frowns when you spare him the sparsest of glances. When you aren’t distracted. When you’re disconnected, discontent, disappearing.

#hashira x reader #kamaboko #preferences #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #zenitsu x reader #inosuke x reader #gyomei x reader #obanai x reader #tanjiro x reader #mitsuri x reader #shinobu x reader #kyojuro x reader #sanemi x reader #muichiro x reader #giyuu x reader #tengen x reader

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batsarebetterthanpeople · 6 months

Note

blorbo question: what kinds of drugs do you think ed would be into? which ones would help him and which ones would make him feel worse?

Ok so I project onto Ed so this might be colored by my own drug experiences, but I'll do my best. I'll tell you generally what I think he'd like and the I'll put up a cut and go through all the ones I've done and tell you how I think Ed would be on them.

General before I get into specifics. Canonically he uses stimulants during the Kraken era and weed socially. However I do kinda feel like Rhino Horn is not his favorite drug just the most manageable way to get a hit of endorphins while also being able to oversee raids so he can break Ned Lowe's record. I am biased because I'm a psychedelic enjoyer, but Ed's a pretty confident guy who doesn't really second guess himself until after he acts (lbr the man did not second guess fucking knife parade for like multiple years and he doesn't apologize). Of course he also hates himself but I don't think that makes him not confident, which being confident and not immediately second guessing yourself is a great personality for producing good hallucinogenic experiences. Hallucinogens are usually great if you're not afraid of them. And I also think that Ed wants to be taken out of his life for a little bit and hallucinogens are conducive to that. I think he and Jack probably did a bit of P&P back in the day and I think ecstasy was probably their favorite because Jack is a tweaker and Ed is a psychedelics guy. Now that he and Stede are together he's doing poppers.

Onto specifics. What makes him better, what makes him worse

Ok here's the drugs I have experience with: Meth, Mushrooms, Weed, Coke, LSD, GHB, and DMT. So I'll just give you those.

Let's start with coke and weed because we have canon evidence for those.

Cocaine Rhino Horn- ok so for me personally coke kinda ain't shit. It's the best stimulant by far (ecstasy is a stimulant/hallucinogen so I'm not counting it because it's also something else) but it's still just sort of me but faster. I've said many a time that Coke is my ADHD meds but horny and Meth is like my ADHD meds but evil. I can drive on the shit literally better than I drive sober because I am less distracted. And before someone accuses me of micro dosing I can pack the shit away, I do twice as much as whoever I'm with and get half as high, every ounce of coke ive ever done was waisted on me. I have fun on it it's not a bad feeling but I it's like if coffee was poppers rather than a real drug. I think Ed probably has a similar experience here with being relatively coherent because we see him doing raids while high on the stuff. I think coke is giving him that little euphoria bump he needs to be passively suicidal instead of actively suicidal and not much else. That said once I did like three lines and then went to the wrong bus station subsequently missing my bus (I ordered my Uber before doing the coke so it was not the coke's fault) and I had a tantrum but I did not cry or start doom spiraling over the 200$ I was forced to pay, so I'm gonna go with a tentative better? For how coke makes Ed.

Weed- Ed also displays a high tolerance here, given that he shares a blunt with Mary and then he's sober in the next scene. That being said I think if he had more than half a blunt he would get emotional very quickly. If he's in a good mood he gets clingy and everyone around him is his favorite person and if he's in a bad mood he starts crying. Weed would make him worse and I know this about him

Meth- Tina is my enemy I hate her. They told me it was highly addictive and would make you crazy and then it just gave me insomnia and a weird bowl movement. Did you know while on meth you don't get hungry but you do get hangry? You can't sleep you can't eat but your body doesn't stop needing to eat and sleep. I've done meth exactly twice and once was on accident (the idiot I smoked shrooms with didn't clean his fucking pipe and I did not realize I had imbibed methamphetamine until about 24 hours later when I had been trying and failing to sleep for roughly 10 hours). Anyway I think given how hangry Ed gets meth would make him worse in every conceivable way. Meth also makes me more focused so I think he would invent some diabolical scheme and it would be a genuinely good one and then he would also lose his fucking mind and pulverize the next thing to surprise him after not eating for 18 hours (imagine the snake scene from 1x07 but on... Well on meth I guess) and cry because he is so so tired.

GHB- for those of you not in the know this is a depressant but not an opioid that is sometimes used as a daterape drug because it's got an incredibly dangerous interaction with alcohol but is mostly manageable on its own. It's not entirely dissimilar to high doses of alcohol in its high ill be honest, but maybe I just haven't had enough depressants to be able to tease apart their distinct personalities. I enjoyed this one but I think I'm gonna let my experience diverge from Ed's a little bit here. I don't think he would be a fan. He might be alright with it if he and Stede were doing it together as a sexual aid, but it tastes really bad, like putting bitterant directly into your mouth levels of bad, and we know Ed is a sweet tooth. The poor old man would also get tired on it a lot quicker than I did, and I remember laying there like I was asleep with a pleasant buzz in my brain and not really wanting to get up for quite a bit of it.

DMT- So dmt isn't good unless you're doing a near death experience type breakthrough trip otherwise you see some fun colors for 20 minutes and then it's over. I cannot speak to the breakthrough trip because I did it with a Grindr date and I did not want to be at his mercy for a half an hour while I was experiencing The Tunnel. However from what I've heard of the breakthrough trip, that shit is a mental game. You don't want to do that third rip but you've gotta. Ed loves to win at games and he's got some mental fortitude so I think he would flex how much he likes DMT. It would make him WORSE

LSD- I love her everyone loves her Lucy is my best friend. She's a bit... Lovecraftian but certainly not in a bad way. I think acid would really depend where Ed was at mentally. Like Ed when Stede is around would have a good time taking to the universe. I think that talking to the universe during the Kraken era could go really well or really really horrendously. On the one hand I wonder if ego death might actually be good for him? Like feeling like you're one with everything and like you aren't real could be either freeing for a guy who hates himself that much or it could end up making him hate everything because his self hatred could get as expensive as his dissolving ego. I think immediately pre Stede however acid would not be the best idea this is a vibe I'm getting. Acid has the potential to go either way on the better worse question.

Mushrooms- mushrooms have always been really nice to me but I need to be up and doing something while I'm on them. Totally a club drug for me. I know that's an insane thing to say but I think my brain chemistry may be fucked up. Anyway this does not make Ed better or worse but it does make him look at stuff and giggle which is objectively cute.

#drug posting #ed teach #ofmd

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bi-turtle-enthusiast · 3 months

Note

Thanks for answering my ask. Can I ask (again), if you don't mind, your top 5 (or top 3) favorite characters from TGCF & SVSSS? And why you loved them? And your top 5 favorite moments each from the series? Thanks if you want to answer....

ough ok this is gonna be hard bc i unironically love every character in tgcf for one reason or another.

top 3 tgcf characters:

3. Shi Qingxuan/Jun Wu I did NOT expect Jun Wu to be on this list but I started writing my fic and I kind of fell in love with his character. He's an awful person who loves causing misery but at the same time there's something so painfully human about wanting so desperately to be understood by someone, anyone. I don't condone his actions but I'm here to watch. I love Shi Qingxuan for being genderfluid, brave and kind, and just so much fun. She brings unmatched energy into every scene she's in and I just love her.

2. Hua Cheng This one should be pretty obvious considering I made him my pfp on my art blog and refuse to stfu about him but god DAMN I just can't stop thinking about him. I love everything about him. His amazing fits. His incredibly powerful imagery. The way he's just so insane. His butterflies. The color red. The gender. Everything.

1. Xie Lian He's the one I draw the most for a reason. I have a thing for characters who choose kindness whenever they can, and I love Xie Lian for being able to ultimately decide that he does in fact want to use his godly powers to protect his believers and not to dominate them. He doesn't make that decision lightly—he knows what it's like to abuse his power for the sake of vengeance and he's seen what it's like when gods abuse their power for greed—he decides that being kind and benevolent is the path he wants to take because ultimately, it's love that keeps the world intact. Xie Lian is love, and I love him.

Honorable mentions: Mu Qing, Shi Wudu, He Xuan, Yushi Huang

top 3 svsss characters (bear with me because I am not super familiar with SVSSS)

3. Shang Qinghua I want to throw him against a wall (affectionate). I hate him. I love him but on a deeper level I hate him but on an even deeper level I love him. Just,, such a little shit

2. Zhuzi Lang He's a pathetic little meow meow with a fucked up sense of morality and objectively too many snakes. Someone get this guy a therapist and maybe a snack

1. Liu Qingge He's a hater through and through. I, too, find Bingqiu irritating. His "no Luo Binghes allowed" rule is perfection imo. And the way Shen Qingqiu can just call out his name and Liu Qingge will come out of literally nowhere with a flying kick?? Love that.

I honestly can't rank my top 3 moments from SVSSS because I don't remember it that well. Here are mine from TGCF though!

3. Jealous Xie Lian during the Blackwater arc Hua Cheng is like "my beloved is a noble, gracious special someone" and Xie Lian is like "ugh i hope they fucking die I MEAN I HOPE YOU THEY MAKE YOU SMILE." We don't really see jealous Xie Lian that often and it was really funny to see just how petty he got. He's usually really calm and collected and neutral about things but he was so intense here. Possibly because he was a bit hangry.

2. The Hualian confession Everything about it is just. hrmnksgnsf. I love it. I love the way they're kinda awkward after it but then they clear the air a bit and continue onwards while holding hands. I love the way Xie Lian confesses with a hug.

1. The bamboo hat/Xie Lian telling Bai Wuxiang to fuck off The moment where Xie Lian's faith in humanity is restored. And then Bai Wuxiang appears and tries to be all evil and Xie Lian just goes "fuck off you ugly mf you're blocking my sun" to the guy who's been haunting him nonstop for months on end. And Bai Wuxiang is so stunned that he gets a little desperate—so desperate that he starts a fight just so he can have an excuse to be "defeated" by Jun Wu. Man, I love that scene.

#tgcf #asks

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kingofthewebxxx · 4 months

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Don't tell anyone (from Fish Lecter @imprvdente )

Send "Don't tell anyone" and I'll fill out for your character...

Would I have a secret romance with you?

[x] yes

[] no

Would I keep your secrets?

[] yes, no matter what

[] yes, unless someone was in danger

[] no way

[x] hope you like getting blackmailed (maybe and depends on what it is and usefulness 🤣)

Would I help you trick someone?

[x] yes

[] only if it’s harmless

[] no

Would I tell you my secrets?

[] yes, I’d trust you with anything

[x] maybe

[x] only if they were harmless

[] not if you were the last person on the planet

(NSFW) Would I tell you one of my kinks?

[] yes, but I’d tell anyone that

[x] yes, and ask to try it

[] yes, but just to get it off my chest

[] maybe a small one

[] ew, no way!

Would I use something I knew about you against you?

[] no way!

[x] maybe

[] in a heartbeat

Reveal any (unrelated) secret: “Cranberries… sweet tasting. To me anyway, no wonder what else goes on in the minds of everyone else. I don’t like them”

Admit a secret thought I’ve had about you but never before shared: “Would Fish still eat someone if their skin was inside out, probably”

A secret about you I’d like to know: “If you had never been the child of a hangry cannibal. Would you still have chosen to eat more human cuisine, quite literally” he is giggling

@imprvdente

#imprvdente #jim plays #ok then……

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theplottdump · 1 year

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Chad: Thank you for your offer Agent, but I'm afraid I have to turn it down at this time. I have more self respect than to let you walk all over me. Dick: Pity. We could have had some fun together.

Dick: If you change your mind I'm sure you'll find me. Have a Happy Love Day Mr. Chinsley, I'm looking forward to working with you.

Chad: I'm sorry Pops it just doesn't add up.

Chad: I thought we were the only ones that knew about this job? We've only been here a day and UNIT is already barking down our dicks.

Poppy: Figuratively or Literally?

Chad: I just got felt up next to a fucking ice maker and vending machine with FAR TOO MANY MILKS by a man old enough to have felt up my father at some point in his life too. Fuck honestly who knows Pops, maybe he did!

Poppy: Your point? Chad: My point is, I'm starting to get sick and tired of UNIT jumping down our asses the moment we get ONE GOOD LEAD. This can't be a coincidence Pops! It's like we're part of some bigger game, but everyone else forgot to tell us we were even playing!

Poppy: Look. Today has been stressful. Maybe we're both just hangry and need a break from the nicotine soaked everything of the Starlight Casino and Lounge.

Poppy: Do you think we have enough time in your schedule for a traditional Best Friend 2AM Burger run?

Chad: Oh you already know I could destroy a 2AM Burger right now.

#Plott Gen 6 #Main Plott #Gen6Part4 #Poppy Plott #Chad Chinsley #Dick Hamm

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somelazyassartist · 2 years

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A few comedy potentials in the Kravitz is Keats theory that I very much enjoy

Family reunions, obviously. Or any get together really. "Sorry I killed you guys twice" "sorry we broke your fucking legs" and Kravitz has to deal with both sides.

The whole not-quite-but-basically-sorta-demigods thing only on complete opposite ends of the spectrum. Imagine you get sick and die and are promoted to being the grim reaper for the Raven Queen, and while you're supposed to hunt down liches and necromancers you ignore your siblings for a little while because they're your siblings, besides they had good intentions and weren't hurting anyone as far as you know so you just focus on other liches and don't really pay attention to what they're doing as the years go by. And then one day like 10000 years later your boss shows up to work with the Celestial Plane's worst hangover and she tells you your siblings have more or less become the Gods of Getting Blackout Drunk At A Rave And Partying So Hard You Cause a Literal Apocalypse™. And then she tells you not to worry about it because your husband murdered them so problem solved. You are Kravitz Adventurezone and you are having the most confusing night of your un-life.

Actually seeing each other in the Eternal Stockade after apocalypse 2.0. "You're the Grim Reaper????? Why didn't you tell us you were the grim reaper???????? We could've wasted so much less time in that stupid torture dungeon if we knew you were undead too????? Also you like helped save the fucking world from the Hangry or whatever it's called I think that's kinda important you couldn't have written a letter or something??? Called us on an Adventure Zune????? You are a cruel and unjust little brother and I am going to cry now" as Kravitz throws them in fucking jail

I could probably think of more if I tried I just think these guys are very sillyfunny

#taz kravitz #kravitz taz #edward and lydia #taz #the adventure zone #keats taz #taz keats

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ember-not-amber · 8 months

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I have so many thoughts about S2 Ep 8

• Steven: “you still feeling confident about…you know, the plan?”

Conrad: “What? You mean Plan Belly?”

Steven: “Do not remind me who this is about but as an abstract concept, shoot your shot, man.”

This is very confusing to me bc Steven was so supportive of Conrad getting back with Belly in episode 7 but now he’s a little bit uncomfortable with the idea of him shooting his shot with his sister??? Make up your damn mind, Steven Conklin, do you genuinely care about your sister or not?

• I think it’s so funny that Conrad sees Belly and Jeremiah kissing RIGHT AFTER his phone call with Steven, it’s almost like he jinxed it🤣

• Okay, after rewatching episode 7 there’s no way Jeremiah can be blamed for knowing that Conrad still loved Belly because he didn’t know! In episode 7 when they talked alone by the beach all that Conrad told him about Belly was that things were good between them and they’re friends now, he didn’t tell him that he still had feelings for Belly and I don’t think Jeremiah would have kissed Belly if he knew that Conrad still loved her because he’s his brother and he doesn’t want to hurt him so when Belly told him she wanted to be with him it’s fair to say that Jeremiah didn’t feel any guilt about kissing her in the moment because he didn’t know that Conrad still loved her! Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk🙇‍♀️

• “Last night I tried to talk to you about all of this, about how I’ve been feeling.” Confirmation that in the last episode Belly was in fact going to tell Conrad that she’s been having feelings for Jeremiah.

• Conrad was such an asshole omg. Not him accusing Belly of kissing Jeremiah to make him jealous💀 It was never about you, you little piss baby, and it’s never going to be about you (hopefully) ever again! “Stop chasing after me and go be with Jere” bitch, she is not “chasing after you”, she is trying to explain things to you because she cares about you as a friend and didn’t mean for you to see her kissing your brother🙄

• Conrad’s roommate talking about how attractive Jeremiah is was so funny and real😭

• From the obnoxious humming and tapping to flexing how much he knew about Belly to bothering Belly and Jere about how long they’ve been together to trying to make Jere look bad by mentioning the number of people he’s “hooked up with” in the past Conrad wasn’t funny, he was annoying and a dickhead. “Belly you’re gonna throw up if you keep reading that” “Well I don’t know if you knew this but, um, Belly gets motion sickness when she reads in cars. Did you know that?” “My sweatshirt looks really good on you, Bells.” “So you guys went to Finch, huh? That sounds like a nice little romantic excursion.” “I was gonna get you a Stanford one [sweater] ‘cause I, you know, Finch is fun.” “So tell me, how long has this thing been going on? All week?” “Oh my god, so that was your first kiss. No, no, no, no. ‘Cause Bells, what did you say to me last summer on the beach? You said it was ‘a few times.’ ‘Few’ usually means, what, three? Four? How many times was it last summer, guys? Oh come on. Hm, discretion. I like that, that looks good on you, Jere, ‘cause that’s a new thing. That’s a very new thing.” “I mean, ‘cause normally you can’t shut the fuck up about how many people you’ve hooked up with because last year, I remember, it was seven. And that’s not even including Belly.” “I just have one more question, I’m sorry guys. Belly, which one of us is a better kisser, me or him?” “The world may never know.” “I changed my vote, Hangry Belly is a natural disaster that I think we might want to avoid.” “Don’t waste your money, buddy, she likes these better. “Not to Belly. She think Swedish fish tastes like candles. She likes sour.” “I tried to warn him.” “Relax you big fucking baby. I’m just messing with you.”

I hate how the Conrad stans are saying that he was so funny or so sassy in this episode when he was literally an asshole, acting like he knew more about Belly than Jere does and he deserves to be with Belly because of that.

~~~

Side note: I hate how the characters use the words “hooked up with” to mean that they made out with someone for a while bc that’s not what hooking up means at all and it might just be the writers who have no idea what hooking up means bc hooking up means actually having sex w/ someone, not just making out with them🙄🤦‍♀️ I’m specifically referring to the episode in season 1 where I think Conrad tells Jeremiah that he “saw him hooking up with a guy” and it is shown on screen that he was just making out with a guy and I guess I’m also referring to this episode as well bc I’ll never know if these characters are using the words “hooking up” correctly.

~~~

• And him making those comments in the car was such a dick move like, I genuinely don’t care about his feelings, but looking at it as objectively as I can, his feelings are valid but he shouldn’t have taken it out on Belly and Jeremiah like that; he has a right to be mad, betrayed, whatever but he shouldn’t have acted like that. Him basically flexing how he knew everything about Belly was just…shut the fuck up.

• The passive aggressive language that Conrad was using in this episode was so infuriating. “I promised Laurel I’d get Belly home”, “I don’t think I trust myself behind the wheel right now. I didn’t get much sleep last night. Relax.”

• I fucking hate that Steven acknowledges that Conrad did break Belly’s heart and then says “But Jeremiah doesn’t challenge her, Belly’s deeper than a lot of people give her credit for. She needs someone who sees all the amazing complex things about her.” If “challenging her” means giving something and then taking it away then Belly should not be challenged, she should be given love and not have it taken away again. If knowing the reason behind why Belly prefers Sour Patch Kids over Swedish Fish is complex then it’s very easy to learn that as Jeremiah spends more time with her.

• I KNEW THAT THERE WAS GONNA BE ONLY ONE BED IN THE MOTEL ROOM I CALLED IT

• Belly’s inner thoughts saying “I can't even be mad at him, because this is who he is. This is who he's always been. He never lied about that. He gives and then he takes away.” Reminds me of 2 Taylor Swift lyrics from 2 different songs, “Well maybe it’s me and my blind optimism to blame // Or maybe it’s you and your sick need // To give love them take it away” from Dear John and “People like you always want back the love they gave away // And people like me wanna believe you when you say you’ve changed // The more I think about it now the less I know // All I know is that you drive us off the road” from AYHTDWS

• I LOVED that Belly was just absolutely drained of romantic feelings for Conrad, “I evict you from my heart” AND THEN EXILE BY TAYLOR SWIFT STARTED PLAYING YESSS!!!! That is the only Taylor Swift song in this whole show that I was excited for it playing during a scene with Conrad and Belly, like finally a Taylor Swift song that accurately represents them!!!

• I’M SO HAPPY THAT JEREMIAH AND BELLY ARE TOGETHER FROM NOW ON AND I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE THEM BEING AN OFFICIAL COUPLE IN THE NEXT SEASON!!! It was so cute to see Jeremiah supporting Belly while she played her first volleyball game after getting back on her team.

• It didn’t sit right with me that Susannah told Belly to look after Conrad and be there for him right after they broke up, like yeah he’s suffering because his mom is dying but Belly needs to look after herself, too, she needed to take some time for herself to get over the breakup and also deal with Susannah dying, she should’ve asked Jere to be there for Conrad because that would be a lot easier since he’s his brother.

• Milo’s diss track on Steven was so funny and it actually kinda slapped but putting that scene right after the flashback of Susannah was criminal😭

• I’m still gonna remain feeling iffy and almost disinterested in Staylor because of how they got together and Steven pursuing her while she was still in a relationship but maybe they’ll grow on me eventually.

• This show has made me realize that I hate when characters in the show talk about couples like the fans of the shows do: using the ship names and saying they’re Team Conrad or Jeremiah. I watched Riverdale and it only slightly bother me at the time but looking back it was just cringey to hear the words Bughead and Varchie come out of the characters’ mouths and it’s weird and cringey to hear the words Jellyfish and Staylor come out of the TSITP characters’ mouths! It was especially bad when Taylor made a stan account for Belly and Jeremiah in season 1💀

Writers really need to stop doing this, like please don’t make the characters so self aware that they’re almost breaking the fourth wall!

Edit: I forgot to add these

Conrad was a fantasy, Jeremiah is real

#tsitp #tsitp show #tsitp s2 #tsitp season 2 #the summer i turned pretty #anti bonrad #team jeremiah #team jelly #did I use the semicolon right? I never use semicolons bc I don’t know how to use them properly😭#all I know is that you use them instead of a period if you want to continue a sentence #steven conklin #staylor #original post

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