#listen it is sort of upsetting how it really is true that the majority of those call-out-y posts on peoples' behaviours can be really

[kn11ves]

i entirely agree that humans should depend on each other more and that we should try to approach people with open minds and not believe that they are out to get us, on that note, shaming and chastising people for not feeling comfortable to depend on other people and telling them that they need to fix it or they're actually MORE of a bother and a burden is probably not the best way to go about it

#10000 millionth post where some tumblr users' opinion breaches containment and i must comment on it vaguely #listen it is sort of upsetting how it really is true that the majority of those call-out-y posts on peoples' behaviours can be really #damaging for people with ocd. like you re just going to send us on a spiral because now we arent even sure if the thing we were trying to d #as to not cause other people pain is actually causing more pain and oh dear god we're really terrible people ohh fack ive known all along #i think the first step to making people feel more comfortable to take your help and hospitality is probably approaching them kindly? #at least instead of saying we must ''learn to accept it'' #plus the mention of individualism and comunialism-- i agree individualism has hurt a lot of people and it is very bad #although to some degree i dont think it is entirely wrong you cannot fully depend on everyone 100% of the time for your own safety #we are as a society not there yet where that is possible. etc etc also learned helplessness #but anyways if youre going to talk about individualism then you have to actually acknowledge that a lot of collectivist societies have cult #cultures in which REFUSING THE HOSPITALITY IS PART OF THE CULTURE!!!! where youre meant to say no many times as a show of respect and as th #host continues to offer it. as well many many many MANY people born from immigrant parents or who are immigrants themselves have a shared #experience of being raised to be as completely clean and polite and small as possible when in someone elses' home #it just really rubbed me the wrong way the entire post... #i just dont think you should get so upset someone doesnt accept your hospitality consider everything is not erm about you and maybe they #arent comfortable enough with you or are having a bad day ? #''i can always tell when they are only saying it because they dont want to be a bother'' no u litearlly cannot #anyways it was a very american post that i did not like. #do help each other and take the help when you need it though we need that.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Request: Wally with a Child!Reader who snuck backstage during a special live taping of Welcome Home to see him, as he is their favorite character

Oh this idea is cute!!! I like the trope of humans and puppets/cartoons coexisting (like in who framed roger rabbit) so im absolutely using that here

........

"Aaaand that's a wrap! Thank you all for coming to our exclusive live taping of Welcome Home! Be sure to gather up all your things before leaving through the exits on either side of the studio. Wally and his friends appreciate each and every one of you visiting their neighborhood!!"

The director's voice echoed over the intercom as the audience's applause gradually died down, with you being the last one to clap. Your hands almost hurt, but you didn't care. The smile on your face was huge

You still couldn't believe that you and your family got to actually see the entire Welcome Home cast in-person!

Especially Wally.

It's probably lame to say you liked the main character as a majority of the show's fans probably did...but it was true. You loved listening to his narrations, seeing him paint, and getting into all sorts of shenanigans with the gang.

During this live taping--which you won tickets to--he interacted with the audience a lot with his sweet eyes and warm smile, taking all of you on a journey into his world. You could see he was really happy to interact with all of you.

And that's why you were kinda sad when the curtains closed and the camera crew started packing up things, realizing it was already over. They still had a lot of work to do before they could put the episode on the usual television station Welcome Home was featured on, so they made sure every guest was out of the studio.

But fortunately, none of them noticed you sneaking down the steps and managing to find the door conveniently labelled "Backstage Access".

You knew you could get into a lot of trouble, though your family was catching up with some friends and their children. So surely they won't notice you were gone for quite a while.

You just really wanted to see Wally and personally tell him you're his biggest fan. It would make his day!

Eventually you did find him sitting by himself at the makeup booth, in front of a mirror surrounded by lights. His blue cardigan was draped over the chair, and he rolled up his sleeves before undoing the ascot around his neck. All the while, he smiled at his reflection dreamily with half-lidded eyes.

He looked a little tired, but happy nevertheless.

You would have approached him...if not for the director abruptly showing up, a stack of script papers in his hand. He seemed upset and annoyed, compared to the cheery tone he had earlier, so you just hid behind one of the large loudspeakers, eavesdropping on their conversation.

"Look, Wally. How many times do we have to go over this?" He huffed. "You need to ease up on the excessive eye contact. It's been giving a few of my cameramen the creeps."

"Oh, I'm awfully sorry, sir. But..I thought that's what people liked.." Pouting slightly, the puppet looked at him, resting his elbow on the armchair to prop his chin up. "Where else can I look if not the camera or adoring audience? I can't just stare at the ceiling, y'know."

"..well it helps to blink every once in a while. That's what we humans do so it doesn't look like we're staring into each other's souls....like you're doing right now."

"Ah...am I..? Haha.." Wally laughed uncomfortably, forcing himself to blink as he fidgeted with the ascot in his hands. He looked down at the floor. "Sorry. It's just a habit-"

"Don't make excuses, Wally. I know eye contact is essential to your character but...I'm sure you wouldn't feel comfortable if I stared at you like that all the time, right?"

"Actually that wouldn't bother me at all." He gazed at the director with a polite smile, only for it to drop as he looked furious.

"Are you being sarcastic?"

"...no? I'm only being honest, sir."

"...whatever. I have my lunch break now, so just...try to get what we discussed through your head." The director huffed, shaking his head before he turned and walked away, bumping into one of his assistants.

"You good, boss?"

"Huh? Yeah, I'm fine..it's that damn puppet. I keep reminding him about his staring problem, but it's like I'm talking to a brick wall.."

Although he could barely hear them, Wally knew that he made the director upset...again. And that turned his usual smile upside down as he looked back into the mirror.

"I don't get it...everybody loved the show..." He muttered to himself, touching up his hair, but not even seeing his own reflection could cheer him up. "So why is he so...angry at me all the time?"

You frowned slightly as you watched his shoulders slump, hating how sad he sounded. That director of his was so cruel! He didn't know what he was talking about!

Determined to help your favorite character feel better, you finally gained the confidence to say something and emerge from your hiding spot.

"What am I doing wrong?"

"I...think you're doing your best, Wally. Don't listen to him."

"Huh..?" Surprised, he looked over and saw you shyly standing beside the loudspeaker, blinking in bewilderment that you were able to sneak back here unnoticed. "Oh hello, Neighbor--! I mean..." He paused, a bashful smile on his face. "S-Sorry, it's-

"Habit? Don't worry, it's okay." You reassured, stepping closer to him as you tried your best to contain your excitement. "You can call me Neighbor..or [y/n], if you wanna."

"[Y/n]..that's a nice name." He nodded, although his gaze turned serious as his eyes flickered left and right, before he leaned down to get closer to you. "It's nice to meet you, but I'm afraid you've must've taken a wrong turn. You can't be back here."

"I know, but..I really wanted to see you! You're my favorite and..I didn't like what that mean man said to you."

"Oh..him? Don't fret, my friend." Wally softly chuckled. "That "mean man" is my director and...he's only suggesting how I can improve myself! He can be blunt sometimes, but I have to listen to him. Just like how you have to listen to your parents and teachers."

"Yeah.....but he didn't have to be so rude." You huffed, hands on your hips. "If he has a problem with your staring, it's his fault, not yours. He's just a big ol' dummy."

He was amused by your attempts to defend him so fiercely, and he couldn't help but break into an even bigger smile.

"I agree, he is a big dummy..but that's a secret between you and me." He winked, before hopping down from his chair, opening his arms up to you. "Well thank you for lifting my spirits, dear [y/n]. I wish I had something for you, but...this is all I can offer."

"That's okay! I'm happy to help!" Nodding, you eagerly hugged him, feeling how soft his plush body was. "You're...not gonna tell anyone I'm here, will you?"

"Nope. Why would I do that to my number one fan?"

All you could do was beam at his compliment.

This was truly the best day ever. Not only did you get to meet Wally face-to-face...but you also helped him feel better!

Sneaking backstage was absolutely worth it.

#clanask #anonymous #welcome home x reader #wally darling #child reader #platonic #welcome home au

[ghostchamber]

expulsion

you and floyd play a prank, and in an attempt to save himself, inadvertently gets you expelled from night raven college. someone take this idea and do it better please

“mx. l/n! i hope you know what’s coming!” you most definitely did. night raven college had very strict policies, specifically a three-strike rule. one major offence resulted in a trip to the headmage, two major offences resulted in a long suspension, and three? you were expelled from NRC.

and how many of these had you made?

…

“due to your repetitive misconduct, you are now expelled from night raven college! effective this instant!”

the rest of crowley’s words didn’t seem to reach your ears. you simply sat with your head down, until he dismissed you. your time at your dream school, done. ah… well, it was your fault. you never really expected the headmaster to react so badly to a prank, but then again, you had broken the promise you had made to yourself one year ago.

rumours spread fast. you noted the unnecessary detail, feeling the gazes and whispers of other students follow you. your feet had never carried you to your dorm so fast, it felt like you were a feather floating in the wind. you were upset with yourself, crowley, (albeit rather irrationally) and honestly at floyd for throwing you under the bus like that. speaking of floyd…

“…so, shrimpy… the rumours were true?” he whispered, as you packed the few things you had into a suitcase so graciously lent by crowley. “yeah.” you forced out, brows furrowed and voice rather monotonous.

“……i’m.. sorry. i didn’t think you were on the verge of expulsion.” an unfamiliar maturity sort of showed in his tone. whatever, you knew he wouldn’t show remorse farther than that. though, floyd leech always tended to surprise people. you stayed silent, unwilling to listen to his attempts at an apology. how was he going to apologise for getting you kicked out of the school of your dreams? there just wasn’t apologising for that.

“…my family and stuff.. we’ve got these connections that i normally don’t really care about—

“the grace period crowley gave me is over. you do realise he is waiting at the mirror chamber, right?” you made your implication loud and clear. shut up.

“…wait! you know i can help ya stay and stuff? then i can have fun with shrimpy!”

“no, floyd. i got accepted into royal sword academy. pretty selfish reasoning too. why’d i have to tell you that you got me expelled for you to apologise?” fuck— the resentment was leaking into your words. floyd shifted uncomfortably, failing to maintain eye contact.

“…jeez. fuck off then, if you wanna be boring like that.” the words floyd truly wanted to say crashed like waves, trapped in his throat. never leaving his lips, even as you walked into the mirror chamber. even as one of the few people that listened to him to the best of their ability left.

“…why’d you have to go, shrimpy?” he muttered, knowing that he should’ve just kept his mouth shut.

he should’ve just never tried to get two birds with one stone, thinking you’d find it funny.

he should just keep his mouth shut.

NANANANANAH because i am terrified to release this poorly written floyd angst out into the vast disaster called the twst fandom 💀

#floyd leech x reader #🌊 .·:*¨ the alchemist's performances ¨*:·. 🌊 #twst x reader #twisted wonderland #twst #twst angst #floyd leech #down bad when it comes to making my faves sad #twst x reader angst

[razorblade180]

As we've sort of seen how it happened with Weiss, how did Jaune end up falling for the girls in their respective aus? How long did it take for him to notice and for him to act on those feelings?

I should really find an efficient way to deep dive into my archives because I know for sure I have this written I. specific details Thank goodness I write things often enough to remember the fundamentals of my stories.

Rosebud- It’s probably the simplest. Ruby always had a crush in this AU. They started getting intimate with one another during their journey as RNJR; out of sense of comfort, stress, and growing affection. Ruby made the first move. They didn’t officially get together until sometime during V5 time frame at the inn. It was pretty much unspoken that they were going to love each other forever, and that only became more true when after Salem was beaten. At that point their love could really flourish. The silver eyed hero that saved the world at 17 was happily married at 19 and Jaune couldn’t be happier.

Lasting Embers is slightly more complicated but I’m not about to get nitty gritty in this specific post. Yang and Blake’s relationship got messy and tense after the revelation that was Adam being alive and the several run in that happened on the journey. After the break up, Yang was incredibly down and upset and it was mainly Jaune that helped get her through the funk. Eventually they got together but it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. There were several fights and even a breakup that mainly stemmed from the tense journey and Yang’s emotional baggage. Jaune even briefly dated someone else who Yang believed was better for him and deeply cared about him. However, after what could be described as the most selfless act of a lifetime, the two of them were able to try again and it was wonderful. They continued to love each other and let down walls that eventually led to a marriage that remains vivid in everyone’s memory.

So for Knigtshade context, Jaune and Blake were actually pretty friendly during Beacon days. Nothing crazy happened but they had similar music tastes and quiet spots to think. Also one of the major differences in this universe is they managed to lock Salem behind a relic door for a few years in order to train properly and prep the world for the real fight. It was during this time. Like Lasting Embers, Blake and Yang got into some drama, but this was ten times worse. So bad that it rocked the entire group. Ruby ended up making the executive decision that when it came interaction between Menagerie and the nearest Anima area, it would be Jaune and Blake while Yang essentially worked with Ren and Nora. The constant back and forth as well as the problem solving Blake and Jaune had to do together for so long naturally led to them getting to know each other more and being there to listen. They both fell for each other slowly. Things were a little better with Yang for a while until she noticed the signs. Eventually marriage became a reality and so was a family. Things were never really the same which is a little disheartening. Nobody is hostile to anyone but little Lucas could only wonder why someone so important to his family always felt a little distant on the rare occasions they met.

#rwby #rwby au #rwby lancaster #rwby dragonslayer #rwby knightshade #rwby rosebud #rwby lasting embers #rwby premonition #ask me stuff

[celestialseawitch-ff]

Big fan of your 'Forever After' story!!

Instead of the annoying 'when would you update??' question a slightly different one. When DO you update? As in, when do you think a chapter is finished and ready to be shared with someone else?

Thank you so much!! I'm very glad to hear it ❤️

😶 I- uh, may or may not have the next three chapters of "Forever After" ready to go. It's not about finishing the next chapter for me because I don't post until all or the majority of the story is written.

It's a combination of things. The biggest factor is if I want to. Posting isn't just copying and pasting. I always give it a read through/edit and sometimes that results in a lot of changes. "Rewind Time" is a good example of that, where I had pretty much everything figured out, sat down to finish up the final chapter and post, ended up changing something, and then couldn't figure out what the hell I was doing for like two years. And sometimes I'm just not in the headspace to deal with that. Which leads to another big reason I don't post.

I'm not writing 🤷🏽‍♀️ It happens. What can you do? I didn't write for all of February. It's not really by choice and it's not really a reason of being mentally blocked, I'm just enjoying doing other things more. A lot of writers will say "fanfiction isn't my job" and this is true, but I don't think everyone gets the implications of that. It's not my job, so I don't sit down a write every single day as if it were. I do my job every day, writing is for fun. I don't want to make it not fun.

Another reason is something I've talked about briefly in my chapter notes is that, sometimes there's a mental block telling me NOT to update. I listen to this voice, because usually, it means something is wrong with the story chapter. I don't know what it is, but something is off. Eventually, when I figure it out, it can result in massive edits.

Another thing ca n be the exact opposite of this. I'm writing. Oh BOY am I writing. But I'm working on something completely different. Or multiple things. How do people work on only one or two stories at a time? I have literally hundreds of stories. Hundreds. So many of them may never see the light of day. The crossovers?? I've post one. But I have SO MANY.

Currently, all of this is sort of happening with "Forever After." But I'm coming up on writing the finale chapter of this story and it's crucial that I am confident with it before I move forward.

At the end of the day, I write for myself. If I'm not happy with what I put out there, than I'm not happy. I enjoy sharing what I write with others, but I've gotten into the problem of posting too early or even writing certain things certain ways to appease the masses. Those stories inevitably disappoint me or get abandoned -- i.e. "child bride" . I'm trying to be mindful of that and not fall into that hole again. I'm still upset about Child Bride and I probably won't write much Sirmione again in the future. I've kind of lost my taste for it and that's kind of sad.

Anyway, that's my long winded way of saying I dOnT KnOw iT JuST HappEns

#celestialseawitch #celeste speaks #ask response #thanks for the ask! #harry potter #fanfiction #fan fiction #writing

[dontgiveadonald]

Enough is Enough — a self para

featuring @dontgiveadonald & @deweydewdrop

"Dewey?"

Upon answering the phone, Donald could hardly hear from the other end as there were so many different noises in the background. He didn’t know where the triplet was, but he swore he heard sirens. Huey had been home, but the other two were gone, along with Webby. Well, they were adults; Donald didn’t have to keep constant tabs on them anymore, even if deep down he was more at ease when he knew they were all safe. Standing in the hallway of the manor, phone against his ear, he repeated Dewey’s name again until he finally made out his voice amongst the other noise.

“Uncle Donald.. We need you to meet us at the hospital..”

Eyes widening, Donald could only think of the worst with so little context. The sound of the sirens seemed to echo in his head now, already scrambling for his keys and still holding his phone to his ear. “Dewey, what happened? What is it?”

Dewey knew he couldn’t lie his way out of it anymore, and he knew he was toast as soon as Uncle Donald got the whole story. This was beyond any sort of mistake the middle triplet has ever made before, but he didn’t want Donald to flip out before he even got there. He let out a shaky breath, “It’s Louie .. He’s really hurt.”

That was enough for Donald to immediately hang up and rush to the hospital. He forgot to even let anyone else at home know, only thinking about how his worst fear had finally come true: one of his boys was hurt. He was frantic, passing through stop signs and going well over the speed limit along the way. He’d managed to get ahold of Daisy, despite that they weren’t together currently and she was busy at the ridiculous wedding that Donald felt Daisy had no place at to begin with. That fight had been the last they had, though he needed to brush that to the side to make sure that Daisy came for Louie. Together or not, Daisy was the boys’ aunt and needed to be there.

His parking was awfully crooked as he pulled into a space carelessly, almost leaving his keys in the ignition as he rushed inside. The first thing he noticed in the waiting room was Dewey and Webby sitting far apart from each other, both avoiding each other’s gazes and obviously upset. Before he went to either of them, he needed to hear confirmation from the doctors themselves what was going on, but boy was that difficult.. Donald was in such a panic that the staff was struggling to understand him, growing more and more frustrated as he demanded answers about his nephew. 

Once he was able to coherently communicate with the doctors and other hospital staff, Donald was left in a state of shock. They had no choice but to amputate Louie’s leg .. A majority of the other information Donald could hardly keep up with. His ears were ringing, unable to listen as he could only try to understand how this happened.

“Excuse me,” Donald stopped the doctor mid sentence, feeling himself growing more upset and not wanting to cause a scene, at least not toward the person who just saved his nephew’s life. Whatever happened from here, all that mattered was that Louie was alive. But that didn’t mean Donald wouldn’t be getting to the bottom of this.

As he stepped away, turning back toward the waiting room, he noticed that Huey was there now, pacing back and forth. What stood out to Donald the most was how much closer Huey was to Webby; it was Dewey that was singled-out, sitting completely alone with his head in his hands. Dewey had even been the one to call Donald first.. The uncle went straight toward him, putting a hand on his shoulder to get his attention from where he sat.

Eyes red from tears, Dewey looked up at Donald, feeling sick to his stomach as he knew what was about to come. He was going to have to fess up to his uncle for all that he did wrong .. and he wasn’t sure he’d come out of the conversation alive.

“Let’s talk outside,” Donald said, nodding toward the exit of the hospital. It came off as a suggestion, keeping his cool as he saw the tears in Dewey’s eyes, along with a few cuts and scrapes on his face, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer from him. He had to stay calm and sympathetic considering the circumstances, but he was also moments away from completely losing it. Even without knowing the details, Donald already knew it wouldn’t be good. Not when whatever details he was missing resulted in this.

Holding out his hand after Dewey stayed silent, Donald helped his nephew up to lead him outside the hospital. There were gloomy clouds above their heads in the sky, an icy evening chill welcoming them as they no longer stood inside the warmth of the waiting room. Dewey crossed his arms over his chest as he was met with the cold, sniffling as he mentally prepared for Donald’s wrath.

“I’m not going to get mad unless I have to,” Donald began without hesitation, the anticipation driving him more and more insane with every passing moment. He let out a shaky breath. “Tell me what happened, because from my understanding, somehow you three ended up at a hotel that was bombed.. I’m trying to wrap my head around how and why. Can you fill me in?”

Dewey nodded his head, though he didn’t meet his uncle’s gaze, taking a deep breath in and out. “Well …. Webby and I, we’ve been …. Doing some research and we might’ve been …. We’ve been looking for Mom.”

Donald’s stomach immediately turned to knots as he heard this, and suddenly little details clicked into place. The hotel, the portal, Della’s note. The kids were at the hotel .. Donald blinked in disbelief. “What?” He had so many other questions, but that was all he could manage for now, because he was trying to make sense of it. He knew from the very beginning that Dewey was the most like Della, and was the one most interested in her after all these years, but he had never said anything to make Donald think … and what about the other two? Did they have any part of this ridiculous secret research?

“We found the note, and we wanted to see the portal for ourselves, but Louie ended up tagging along, he had no idea,” Dewey began to spill everything, like word vomit. “I made Webby keep it a secret, I didn’t want anyone to make us stop looking for her, and I know it was stupid. I'm sorry..” Tears fell down Dewey’s cheeks, uncrossing his arms to use his hands and attempting to dry his cheeks. There was no point when he had no plans to stop crying anytime soon though. He’d done all of this. He ruined his brother’s life, and probably the rest of his family’s lives with it.

Donald’s silence was deafening, inhaling and exhaling in order to suppress his anger the best he could. He couldn’t believe this was actually happening. Donald had worked so hard their entire lives to protect the boys, to make sure they didn’t get hurt or lost like his twin sister had, and yet somehow, Dewey was following in the exact same path as Della. Even without knowing her at all, they were exactly like each other, in the worst way possible. 

Donald wanted to scream. He wanted to find Della right then and curse at her for putting him through this. For putting all of them through this. Scrooge, the triplets, but especially him. He could never escape the emptiness of losing his twin sister, because he had to see her sons every single day after raising them, and now he was facing the worst of her through Dewey’s actions. Because of her. 

If he couldn’t scream at Della, it unfortunately had to be Dewey that heard his wrath.

“I’m glad you already know it was stupid, but do I need to emphasize how fucking stupid this was?” Donald began, staring daggers into the younger boy. He never thought he’d have to get onto his boys like this as grown adults. He thought they would know better than this. Donald couldn’t help but wonder if he did something wrong, if he didn’t raise them right and this was the result. Suddenly, he was questioning everything. 

After Dewey shook his head silently, Donald continued, his voice rising in anger. “I would’ve thought that you understood how painful it is that your mom is gone, that she disappeared because she couldn’t resist an adventure, and what did you do? Followed her blindly to the portal? Did you even think of what would happen after that?”

Despite that Dewey knew he was right, there was still something so bothersome about the whole thing. Why was Dewey the only one who wanted to find Della? Not even her own twin brother cared? He crossed his arms again, cheeks red from his tears and the icy breeze. “Doesn’t anyone else want to find her? Doesn’t anyone else care? I know I shouldn’t have done it, but she’s my mom.. I wanted to bring her back home.”

Goddammit. Donald’s guilt had always lingered about this, from sheltering the boys so much when it came to their mom. Donald and Scrooge didn’t want to put them through the heartache of the truth, didn’t want to have to retell it themselves and hurt all over again, so they never talked about it. Della became an unspoken entity in their family, and now Donald was facing the consequences to that. If they had been honest from the beginning, would they have ended up here?

“Of course I care, that’s my sister. I want her back too,” he answered, tone still angry despite the sadness in his words. “The problem isn’t that you want to find her, Dewey, it’s that you lied, and you put your family in danger while doing it. Put yourself in danger. And now your brother lost a leg—”

A sob escaped Dewey’s lips, but Donald kept going, “ —You should see the mistakes Della has made and learn from them, not follow in her footsteps and do the same, unless you intentionally want to hurt your family. If that was your goal, then congrats, you really did that,” Donald scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief again. “Whatever plans you had of looking for her? Are done. You crossed a line and now I have no choice, I’m shutting it all down.”

Dewey was still sobbing. Donald wanted to break down too, but his anger kept him from doing so. But boy was he hurt. Neither of them had even noticed that Daisy was standing nearby in the parking lot, having arrived in the middle of Donald’s rant and witnessing some of it from a distance. Donald turned around and cursed loudly in frustration.

#⚓ enough is enough // featuring dewey #⚓ I wish we could just have normal family problems // self para #no silly font for donald bc i couldnt take it seriously otherwise dkslfj #dewey1

[trashcankitty12]

Crown Prince Caspian Poole of Andros

Only Son and Eldest Child of Layla and Nabu Poole

Mr. Go With The Flow

-Caspian Poole’s the first born of Layla and Nabu, as well as their only son.

-Born October 17th, he’s a Libra by Earth Standards and an Elemental by the Magical Dimension’s. He’s fifteen when we meet him, turning sixteen on his next birthday.

-Caspian’s got a darker skin tone like his mother, has his father’s eyes, and his mother’s hair color. (And texture when he lets it grow some. He’s currently in a phase where he likes it being shaved because it makes him more “aerodynamic”.)

-(Or rather, that’s what he claims even though Zephyr swears there’s no correlation. His sister thinks he just refuses to admit that he finds longer hair too hot and hard to handle, but what does she know?)

-Caspian, like his mom, has some mer-person qualities when he has skin-to-skin contact with salt water for a certain amount of time. Or when he focuses on shifting. Granted, he doesn’t have a full tail or anything, but he does gain flipper-like fins on his feet and webbing between his fingers. Gills.

-He considers himself and the new generation of Poole/Wayne kids (which includes his cousins) as being extremely lucky. Growing up, he’d heard stories of how strict his grandparents had been on his parents, but with him and his cousins and his sister? They’re so cool and chill. (Though they do go back to being strict during ceremonies and galas, but that’s to be expected he guesses.)

-Caspian really loves hanging out with his Baba and Dadi. They were the ones who got him into meditation and learning to really listen to the world around him. They’re also the ones who get him the best comfort food when he’s upset about something.

-Between his mother and his grandpa Teredor, Caspian’s a pretty good sword-fighter. In fact, he’s sure if he cared a little more for the craft, he’d be at the top with Mark and Etta. But, it’s not his favorite pastime.

-No, his favorite is surfing. Or skateboarding. One of those two.

-Surfing is sentimental to him as it’s a major family pastime for him and his family, something they’re all into. And skateboarding is something he and a couple of the others are into. (Zephyr, Elliot, Riven and Musa’s son, and Mirta and Lucy’s child, and his cousins.)

-As a Tidese-Androsian, Caspian knows the ins and outs of boats. Sailing, rowing, canoeing; knows how to run a proper ship.

-(Okay, he doesn’t know everything yet… But he’s learning. After all, it’d be pretty bad if he doesn’t know how to operate on the water after growing up around it forever.)

-He’s the crowned-prince of Andros, something he’s okay with. 

-Being a royal isn’t easy, true, and there’s so much pressure and expectations on him, but he sort of enjoys the challenge of it.

-He does love being the prince, he’s just not always a fan of the rules and all the different ‘manner displays’ he has to learn. (Can’t have any controversies, you know?)

-Caspian acts as sort of the ‘older brother’ of the group, even if Apollo and Artemis are older than he is. (And frankly, so is Musa’s daughter.)

-But because of his more laidback and calm demeanor, the others tend to come to him for advice or assistance.

-And thanks to his calm demeanor, he tends to easily claim leadership roles during times of crisis. (Although, if one were to use telepathy, they’d probably hear “oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh fuck, we’re fucked, we’re fucked” running through his head.)

-Yes, okay… Caspian has a really good “outer shell” for people to see. Mr. Calm and Collected. Mr. Ride It Out. Mr. It Is What It Is. 

-But in reality, Caspian panics when things fall out of place or start going wrong. Not that anyone really notices… Except for those close to him.

-He’s trying to be better about that. He’s going to be a King one day. He has to get himself under control. (His parents are great at helping him with his anxieties in these situations, especially since they’ve had them too.)

-Just because he tends to be more ‘go with the flow’ doesn’t mean he won’t speak up when things aren’t right. His parents have instilled a strong sense of justice into this young man and while he’s willing to let a lot go, he does have limits.

-Caspian is bisexual, but he’s not a disaster bi. Somehow. Honestly, no one understands how he manages to be perfectly fine in front of his crushes or how he manages to speak in complete sentences around them, but he’s doing fine.

-Or rather he appears to be. It could be more of his facade.

-Who knows at this point?

-His best friend may be Musa’s son and Mark, but his best bro is Zephyr. He listens to her chatter away about her projects and she helps keep him calm. Also they enjoy having skateboard races. (And trying to outdo each other in video games, but that’s something Zephyr will forever beat him at.)

-Caspian is one of the more physically flexible guys, something he attributes to practicing yoga. Though a few of his friends think his mer-genes are somewhat responsible as well.

-He tends to eat healthier than the others do. Or rather, he prefers eating healthy. (Honestly, do his friends not know what goes in fast food? Or do they not care? And how could you possibly enjoy it?)

-That said, he has his secret loves too: cheese danishes, curly fries, raspberry milkshakes, those mozzarella stick things Mark and Nichole get from Earth.

-Caspian is currently training to get his tattoos, and so is his sister. There’s quite a few tasks involved in proving one's worthiness of the tattoos, but they’re putting in the work. (And are in a bit of a friendly competition to see who gets theirs first, a competition joined by their cousins.)

-He’s also working on getting himself a staff. Not all wizards have one, but his family has a huge ceremony where they gift the wizards in the family with their own special staff and he wants to be part of that. 

-(By gift, they mean they worked for it. The staff’s are specialized to the wizard and are a testament to the wizard’s skills. Caspian’s got to earn it.)

-Like Willow, Caspian is taking classes at Coventry Academy. In fact, they’re dormates. (His room and Willow’s are connected by a shared living space. The other two rooms are taken by Crystal and Kota’s son and Mirta and Lucy’s child.)

-While he’s happy to know how to physically fight and handle his own, he wants to study magic more than just for attack/defense purposes. So, he chose Coventry over Red Fountain, something Apollo pouts about often. 

-Currently, his favorite classes are Divination, Magical History, and Physical Education. His least favorite: Summoning. 

-(Summoning is harder than it looks and it’s extremely draining, thank you.)

-He’s part of Coventry’s swim team and the magi-ball team.

-Caspian is also part of an exploration club and a skating club.

-Because of his royal status, Caspian is also subjected to many different diplomacy and political classes. (Not that he minds, per se, but he could really use more lenient teachers. The one he’s got currently is always on him about a paper or test prep.)

-Caspian knows he’s going to be the King of Andros one day; his only hope is that he’s going to be one of the great ones. One who really helps his people prosper and grow. (And maybe one who makes things just a little less formal? Please?)

#winx club #winx club next gen #winx club next gen oc #winx club oc #winx club nabu and layla #winx club and nabu and layla child #caspian poole #winx oc caspian #mr. go with the flow #the ocean's favorite wizard

[kumquatqueenb]

Buddie fic idea: Post-Lawsuit. The team treat Buck coldly, especially Eddie, but instead of letting it destroy him, Buck decides to move on in the emotional sense. He stops reaching out to the team, makes friends with others at the station and even with captains and crews at other stations. When Buck is finally let out on a call, he impresses and some of the captains from the other crews involved make digs at Bobby for wasting a firefighter of Buck's caliber. Bobby and company are embarrassed and finally realize they've been losing Buck. They all start trying to regain Buck's affections, leading to some hilarious but heartfelt moments, and maybe true love when it comes to how Eddie tries to regain Buck's heart.

Ok, so I’m not going to lie, lawsuit stuff isn’t really my cup of tea, which Ik is totally hypocritical since I just posted a whole fic that had the lawsuit in it. The team being really mean just doesn’t really spark joy for me, but I appreciate the ask so take this ficlet and some recs that are sort of similar as a peace offering :)

Listen, Bobby knew that he was being a dick. It’s just that what Buck had done, the lawsuit? It hurt. He had just been so immature. He knew that Buck had been upset, but he’d at least expected the younger man to make it through the dinner he’d been invited to to hear Bobby out. He sure as hell hadn’t expected a fucking lawsuit. He’d hurt the rest of the team too, and it hadn’t seemed like he’d noticed until the arbitration.

Plus, somehow Buck had managed to convince the Chief that he should be let back over Bobby’s head, which was embarrassing. Although he didn’t particularly care too much about that, no, he was far more upset with the man for everything else. A part of him was also fucking scared. He was pissed sure, but the reason he hadn’t wanted to let Buck back to work was still very much relevant. He didn’t want to lose him. So when the Chief had asked if he wanted Buck switched to another station he’d said no. He would much rather keep Buck under his supervision as safe as he could be.

As happy as Buck had been to be allowed back, he hadn’t been very happy about Bobby’s measures to keep him safe. Although considering it was Buck, Bobby doubted he saw it as what it was.

So he didn’t let Buck out on calls. Not until one day when he had to for a major scene that they’d shared with the newly refurbished 136, and he had done amazingly. Bobby chose not to think about Buck’s great performance though, sticking him as man behind as soon as he had the option again. Being man behind also meant that Buck got the most chores, although Bobby would maintain that that was a coincidence and not a punishment like he knew Buck thought it was.

The rest of the team wasn’t particularly happy with him either, which had Buck walking around like a kicked puppy half the time. He didn’t complain though, seeming to have finally grasped the fact that he’d really upset them all.

Things had gone on like that for a month, which was honestly longer than Bobby had initially intended for it to. He couldn’t stop though, as upset as Buck was about all of it, he was still alive and hospital visit free for the whole month.

It wasn’t sustainable though, something was bound to break eventually, and it did. Just not how Bobby had expected it to.

It all came to a head at the fundraiser the 118 had been taken offline for the day to run. It was all fun and games with a craft table, a couple little games of bowling or fishing for magnetic rubber ducks, a safety seminar for the parents, and a dunk tank. None of them had wanted to be the one who was getting dunked, so the job had been shunted to Buck.

In hindsight, Bobby could see just how fucking terrible of an idea that had been.

Buck had made an attempt to talk his way out of it, but he’d been shut down quickly with a glare from Bobby and a ‘It’s not like he’s asking you to run a marathon, suck it up.’ from Eddie.

To Buck’s credit, he’d made it almost to the end of the day. Eventually though, after being dunked enough times, it’d been too much for his frazzled mind. Bobby really wished he’d considered the fact that Buck had been through a whole fucking tsunami before he’d signed the kid up to be repeatedly dunked in cold water for two hours.

Buck had ended up sucking in a lungful of water, choking hard and scrabbling to get out of the tank. He’d rushed off into the showers after that, before the rest of them really had time to react.

Eddie and Chim had been the first to follow while Hen corralled the worried parents and very apologetic kid. She’d had one of the probies take over quickly and they’d gone into the showers too.

Buck had been sitting with his back to the tile wall and his knees hugged close to his chest, dodging Chim’s concerned medic hands as he kept coughing.

He kept saying he was fine, that he’d be out again in a minute. Then when Bobby had entered he started apologizing, which had felt just as incredibly shitty as when some crazy kid had been threatening him with a bomb meant for Bobby. This was his fuckup, not Buck’s. Not this time.

Buck hadn’t wanted to hear that though, and had instead gone right back to the dunk tank with big smiles for the kids a minute later.

So suffice it to say that Bobby was already feeling pretty shitty that night when he had to go to the Captain’s banquet.

He’d ended up striking up a conversation with the semi-recently recovered Captain Cooper of the 136.

“You know, the lawsuit is a real downer, but by god is Buckley an asset in the field if what I saw at the scene the other day is anything to go by.” The man said, and Bobby really hadn’t wanted to talk about Buck or the lawsuit tonight, but it seemed pretty unavoidable at this point.

“Yeah well, he hasn’t been in the field much since the lawsuit.” Bobby shrugged, and Cooper’s gaze snapped to him.

“You know, one of mine spent a good chunk of time at the 118 while our house was rebuilt.” The man pointed out, and Bobby wasn’t entirely sure where this was going.

“Yeah, firefighter Bosko was a great temp for our team.” Bobby nodded, shooting the other man a curious look.

“Yeah she’s great.” Cooper agreed, “But my point is, that I now have been getting quite the earful of all of the 118 drama, especially surrounding Buckley.”

Bobby sighed, “And I assume you have opinions you’d like to share?” He asked, figuring he might as well get it over with.

“Just this, firehouses are families.” He shrugged, “And even when someone in your family messes up, and even when it hurts you, you don’t kick them to the curb, you forgive them.”

“I haven’t kicked anyone to the curb, Buck is still at the 118.” Bobby pointed out.

“True, but you haven’t forgiven him either.” Cooper pointed out, “Look, you’re their Captain, right? Which in this world means you’re almost like a parent or at least a guiding force. If you don’t let one of your little birdies leave the nest, then you aren’t doing your job as a parent or as a Captain.”

Bobby scoffed, about ready to end this conversation right here.

“No, listen.” Cooper stops him when he opens his mouth to do just that, “You’ve met my little trouble birdy. As much as I’d love to lock Lena and her penchant for getting into street fighting in a bubble, I can’t. She’s like my kid, and from what I’ve heard, Buckley is like yours too. He hurt you, yeah, but that’s what kids do, the push back and they get themselves into stupid and dangerous situations and they hurt you, but that doesn’t mean you get to stop doing your job. Just consider that, okay. I think you’ll all be a lot happier if you can forgive him.”

With that, the man walked away smoothly before Bobby could even respond. Not that he was sure what he’d say. He hated it, but between what’d happened earlier and Cooper’s words, Bobby knew he had a lot to consider.

Some fics you might enjoy:

The first one is mine, which isn’t too similar to your request but it does have the lawsuit.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/49021915/chapters/123676909

This one is where the 118 and Buck are on the outs after the lawsuit and so Buck leaves and they have to go get him back.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24734989

This one is about Buck leaving the 118 to go work with the 126 after the lawsuit.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23608636

#tv: 911 #911 on fox #911 fox #evan buckley #911 #buck #911 abc #bobby nash #lawsuit #answered asks #anon asks #my asks #asks open

[grizzlyofthesea]

I'm scared.

A few days ago, I was found to have a teratoma--a somewhat rare and disgusting, but most likely benign, kind of cyst/tumor--on my right ovary. Then, today, I was diagnosed with PCOS due to my elevated DHEA-sulfate levels.

Is it good that I discovered all this so I can have it treated? Yes, of course! But I'm feeling nervous and honestly kind of hopeless about what lies ahead.

PCOS is correlated with higher risks of all sorts of wonderful things: insulin resistance, type 2 diabetes, heart disease, endometrial cancer, anxiety, depression... All that good stuff. So now I'm freaking out about how my upcoming glucose tolerance test will go, but more importantly, how I'm going to live the rest of my life. I'm already on a ton of different medications for my other health conditions. I don't want another one just for this. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to "treat myself" with a nice dessert or even a slightly sugary drink like lemonade again, either. I don't want to permanently give up my favorite foods for one stupid disease that just decided to worm its way into my life.

I don't know if anyone in my family understands just how distraught I am. It's not their fault; I keep making stupid jokes about my "inevitable demise" to cope/divert attention from how I'm really feeling, and even when they do see that I'm worried, I play everything off like I'm completely fine. But I'm not. My mind is racing at billions of light years per second. I'm barely holding myself together on the outside. And on the inside?

I'm frightened and absolutely lost. I feel like an inferior version of my brother. I was born first, but I also have the vast majority of medical issues between the two of us, with this whole situation increasing the gap further; it feels like the universe used me as a rough draft before "perfecting" him. I know that's not true, but emotions don't really listen to reason and truth, you know? I don't feel anything negative toward him, and I don't wish any tragedies on him to "make up" for what I'm going through. I'm just confused and upset. I'm scared that I won't really have a chance to simply live life the way others my age do.

I don't want to lose my ability to enjoy life.

#rant #serious #health #pcos #polycystic ovarian syndrome #teratoma #dermoid cyst #scared #lost #confused

[surplus-of-sarcasm]

Heya this is for the ask anything post- What makes you angry? Anyy pet peeves you have. I wanna know like a bunch of them if you are comfortable with that.

Well, unfortunately, a lot of things piss me off, but I can't list them all in one post, that'll be crazy long, so here are a few.

People being judgemental of my issues. Dude, I'm not even asking you for support, just please, you don't know the full story, and even if you did, you don't get to police how I react to things.

Emotional blackmail through dumping issues on people. Listen, venting to others is completely okay, and it isn't a sign of weakness nor is it something to be shamed for. It's actually healthy behaviour, and I really do encourage it. However, there is a huge difference between venting and literally trying to commandeer everyone into focusing about you, your issues and only that all of the time, demanding not just an unreasonable about of time and attention but also that your issues become theirs. Like, true, obviously, if someone I care for is going through a tough time, I'm bound to feel upset, but the thing is, this person hasn't actually demanded that I feel miserable, it happens because of my own empathy, whereas with the emotional blackmailers, they just want to dump all their negativity onto someone else, regardless of how it affects them. It's not wrong to seek attention, and I don't demonise those who may act up because of it because we all have at some point, but wanting to make everything about you 24/7 is just plain selfishness.

Lying. Pretty self-explanatory, but no one likes being tricked, especially when you build feelings based on lies, and it all turns out to be smoke and mirrors. I like it when people are upfront about their feelings instead of resorting to deception. Fake friendships are disgusting to me.

Making excuses for those who don't deserve them. I'm all for forgiving and forgetting, but sometimes the excuse is worse than the crime.

Exclusionary behaviour. Making people feel "weird" because their interests are different from yours. Side-talking and whispering in front of others, even if it's not about them. Mockery of others for the "fun" of it. Just alienating others to "boost" your social standing. Cheap, not classy, and if you pull this crap, there's a good chance I'll hate you.

These are all, major stuff. Here are milder things I find annoying.

People talking or being noisy when I work (ex:, not shutting up during a test)

Sticking gum anywhere that isn't in the person's mouth or in the trash. Please, have some class.

Waiting. Necessary, but really goddamn annoying.

People cancelling plans every single time. Like sure, sometimes stuff comes up, or you don't have the mental energy to go, but like not every time.

Well, that's all, sorry this turned into a rant of sorts, but you did ask what angers me. Ty for this ask though, anon! 💙💙💙

#the little gremlin answers #not writing #anon ask #lamy.txt

[okaybutlikeimagine]

A Father’s Day Triptych; P2

(Wrote a very late part 2 to A Father’s Day Triptych! this time following Jonathan’s past)

(as always, on AO3 here)

TW: past/referenced child abuse, emotional hurt/comfort, child neglect

Father’s day in the Byers household was dreary and exhausting.

It was probably always that way. Jonathan sometimes imagines there could have been a few pleasant years in there when he was a baby- back when he was far too young to remember anything and Will wasn’t even a thought in anyone’s minds. He only wishes he could have fully experienced them, if they ever existed to begin with. The only memories that he’s logged away are ones of stress and struggle. Ones that are loud and grating. Ones that are colored gray and black.

The first one he even remembers was the year Will was born, and how upset he felt at all the yelling still going on, even with the new baby in the house. He spent most of the day in his room, cradling Will while he heard his parents going at each other’s throats through the thin walls. Jonathan decided then to always do his best to make it okay for Will, at the very least. He’s spent every waking day in an attempt to make things okay for Will.

It was always near Father’s Day that Jonathan really understood the poor excuse for a father he had. He remembers the year in elementary school where they spent their last few days before summer break with craft paper and markers, set to draw up fun cards in honor of their fathers. He heard every story about fishing trips and “bring your kid to work” days and major league baseball games. Kids would boast about large barbecues and days in the sun. It became a one-up-manship contest at one point. Jonathan just sat and wore out his blue crayon.

And maybe it was that year that he believed those things could actually be true. That kids weren’t just lying to make themselves look cool- that they actually had fathers who cared… maybe even listened once in a while. It was kind of like the opposite of being told Santa Claus isn’t real, but perhaps a bit more heart-wrenching. It was like being told Santa Claus is real, and he’s every bit as magical as they say he is, but he’ll never come visit you.

Jonathan biked home from school that day and almost convinced himself that it could be real for him, by some sort of miracle. That Lonnie wasn’t really horrible all of the time, maybe Jonathan was just doing something wrong. He filled himself up with fanciful ideas of becoming a better son so he, too, could deserve one of those “good fathers”. He almost had a whole plan set… and he was about halfway home when his head was full of all the times Lonnie had muttered “useless” at him for stupid things- like how he flinched at the sound of guns. Dropped the tool box multiple times. Couldn’t even catch a football.

And Lonnie was always cruel and insufferable, but it got exponentially worse on days where he felt owed something. Father’s day, his birthday, hell sometimes even just random days off. He’d kick up his feet on the coffee table and loudly demand to be served. Joyce would spend all day delivering food, beer, newspapers, magazines… Lonnie would demand it all with an expectant smirk on his face that’d turn sour when he didn’t get what he wanted. He pouted like a child- more often than Will ever did. And when Joyce got too tired, Jonathan quickly took up the task, even if it was at Joyce’s behest. He was only a child, it was all he could do to help her.

He’d face the disgusting smirk himself, as much as it made him queasy to look at. He was always a scrawny kid, so he’d try not to recoil at the way Lonnie clapped him on the shoulder with a bit too much force. It was like the man was trying to assert dominance. Or like he was trying to break Jonathan beneath his hands while crowing about how it was “for his own good”. If Jonathan reacted too much, Lonnie would just grip tighter. Sometimes he’d whip Jonathan into a headlock, deeming it “tough love” as he’d grab at Jonathan’s hair and pull. Always pushed Jonathan in a means to provoke him- wrestle and rough him up a bit and cackle as he did it. He’d try to get him to fight back. “Toughen him up” and teach him “valuable lessons”.

Jonathan just did his best to keep it away from Will. Whenever he could, if he ever saw Lonnie veer in Will’s direction with that gruff chuckle and that glint in his eye, Jonathan would push between them in an instant.

When Lonnie was finally out of the picture things got… stilted around Father’s day. Awkward. Fumbling. Joyce tried her hardest to make the day feel as normal as possible. Jonathan was used to it, but it was still hard for Will. He was still in elementary school. One year they did something in class to help celebrate. Jonathan remembered the way it felt to be so… isolated. He watched Will come home and slink off to his room, tears welling up in his eyes. He held Will tight that night and chastised him for ever blaming himself as the reason for what happened. Jonathan found himself still cursing Lonnie just as much as he did while the bastard was still in their home.

It never got less awkward. Every Father’s Day since then felt odd. It was never like something was missing… more like something was suddenly intruding on them all. And Jonathan only gave himself a few moments to despair the sinking feeling before putting on a brave face to soothe an anxious Will and Joyce.

…

Father’s day in the Byers-Hopper household was awkward…but somehow in a very caring and sweet way.

Jonathan had known Hop for a long time before they started to share a roof. He briefly remembers being a toddler and meeting Hop a couple times on the street. The odd, confusing pride he felt in being called a “handsome young boy” and Joyce smiling tightly and their exchanges being short. Remembers a few years after that when Jim rolled back into town on a wave of rumors about death and tragedy- when whispers followed him like ghosts. There was a fine line everyone seemed to toe back then… between their respect of him as Chief and their disgust of him as a drug addict and a drunkard.

Jonathan always thought of small moments when he thought of Hop… moments like when they crossed paths at the Hawkins 4th of July parade and Hop handed him a lollipop. Or the time they caught sight of Hop at the fair and the Chief had given Will a Sheriff’s badge sticker to wear on his shirt and deemed him the newest deputy and made Will giggle like crazy. Even back when he always seemed sad, he was sweet- so suddenly having him around didn’t feel as gross or stifling as he once thought it might. The only sourness Jonathan ever felt was that anyone outside would ever think, even for a second, that Joyce hadn’t done a good enough job on her own. Just her and her two boys. That she and Jonathan didn’t give it their damnedest- that they needed someone around to help because they couldn’t hold it together. It wasn’t like that. Joyce was a good mother- the best mother.

Still, he did appreciate the extra helping hand. Well… make that a few pairs of helping hands.

The once Lone Wolf Jim Hopper didn’t come on his own anymore- no, now he was a package deal. An exhausted cop, a girl with superpowers, and a boy with burdens. It was a strange accommodation to suddenly make, but hell, even they weren’t unwanted.

Will seemed almost impossibly happy to have someone his age around all the time. Jonathan knew how cool Will thought El was, but Will couldn’t ever seem to believe when El returned the same feelings to him. She listened to every detail about his D&D character, she watched in fascination as he drew, she cheered him on when he played video games. She told stories to Will about the time he went missing- how all the rest of the party ever did was tell her how wonderful he was. She treated him like a hero, too. The two of them became an excitable dynamic duo to be reckoned with.

And Billy made Jonathan… tentative, at first. Though as the days went by, Jonathan was suddenly hard pressed to remember when they ever interacted at all before living together. As soon as they got to talking, Jonathan realized how oddly similar they were, and suddenly a gratefulness began to overcome him. There was someone around to help buy weed, and someone to smoke it with. Billy seemed to know a lot more about different strains than Jonathan, something Billy attributed to being from California, so he showed Jonathan which strains to steer clear of so Jonathan wouldn’t ache to crawl out of his own skin. It was also nice to talk with someone about music who got it… who craved it as much as he did, even if Billy’s taste was atrocious. Billy would say the same about Jonathan.

Billy was gentle and kind with Will. El was cheerful and sweet with Jonathan. And Joyce… Joyce hadn’t looked that calm- that happy in -far too long. So regardless of anything else, it was all worth it. But what surprised Jonathan the most was how he found himself gauging Hop. Constantly.

The Chief Jim Hopper himself, who swung El around like a monkey sometimes. Who was more gentle with Billy than Jonathan could ever make sense of. Who treated Will to ice cream and candy maybe a little more often than he should have. Who gave Joyce soft kisses on the top of her head. Who smiled a hell of a lot more than Jonathan had ever seen him before. Who looked comfortable in his own skin again. Who looked confident in himself again.

Jonathan was happy for him. But that still didn’t make anything feel anywhere close to normal about having a… “father” in the house. There hadn’t been a “dad” around to celebrate in such a long time. Father’s day meant nothing to them anymore in the Byers household. Maybe they’d order some of their favorite take out that night but that was about all. So when June came around and El appeared in Jonathan’s doorway, he assumed it could be anything.

He wasn’t expecting her to yell “Father’s day!” at him in excitement.

Billy had appeared next, behind El, explaining how they usually do something for Hop. Looked at Jonathan with an expectant gaze, asked if he was going to come along. And something pulled within Jonathan at that moment- something deep and sick, like jealousy. Or maybe betrayal. Like a bitterness he didn’t know was locked away inside of him.

He joined anyway and sat in the passenger’s seat of Billy’s Camaro, El and Will in the back, while El and Billy talked about what they were looking to get for Hop from the store. What they had learned about him. What they had gotten him in the past. Jonathan pushed down the images of them celebrating Hop happily.

He hung back in their group of four. He watched Will start to get excited with El. He caught Billy’s attention somehow, on accident, and just couldn’t keep the words in his damn mouth. They stumbled out in a worried mumble: “This is weird.”

Billy was confused. Jonathan stuttered, feeling out of place again and wrong, too, for saying anything at all. Tried to keep his big feet and big mouth from stepping on any already battered toes. He couldn’t take his eyes off of all the Father’s Day decorations and cakes and balloons and cards and the way they were eating him from the inside out.

He wasn’t eloquent in the slightest. He stuttered over how he and Will hadn’t had a father in a very long time. Not one to celebrate. The whole time he spoke he was keenly aware of Billy and the reason he was now living with Hop in the first place.

Jonathan held his breath as the air between him and Billy went dead and wavered in the awkward silence, before Billy spoke up in a tone Jonathan couldn’t make sense of.

“It is weird.”

Jonathan was shocked. “Yeah?”

“It keeps being weird.” Billy nodded. He was solemn. He was staring, unseeingly, in front of him as they walked. “Not bad. Weird though.”

Once again, Jonathan was grateful.

Father’s Day was the very next day. Jonathan was content to let it just be a Billy and El thing, but it wasn’t- Joyce joined in readily. Will didn’t seem uncomfortable at all. They all four presented Hop with burgers and pie and attention all while Jonathan stood in the back and felt like an asshole for it. He turned down the offer of a slice of pie. He ignored the records and the card games and the laughter. He felt like a ghoul slinking away to the dark corners of his room.

He liked Hop… he knew he did. He had talked to Billy about him before Joyce and Hop decided to make things official, when it was clear that they were going to become one big weird family. He had asked what Billy thought of Hop, as if he didn’t know the man at all. As if Jim Hopper was a stranger to him. Billy had stuttered and stumbled and used the words “a good dad” and tore right through Jonathan’s heart.

Jonathan laid on his bed, unsure if the staticky feelings in his joints were bitterness or exhaustion or even just… early onset arthritis? He debated putting a tape into his stereo. His limbs had no strength within them. He sighed and thought of the past and wished it didn’t have a grip on him.

A knock came at the door. Jim Hopper walked in.

And Jonathan stared as Hopper spat a flurry of niceties his way, trying his damnedest to say… something. Jonathan wasn’t too sure what exactly. He blinked as Hop spoke circles around himself. Before-

Hop heaved a big sigh.

“Listen to me.” Hop heaved out as if Jonathan had even said a word since Hop walked in. “You and your brother… you kids are a couple of… the best kids ever. I don’t think kids get better than you two. Really you’re… you’re such good kids and you deserve… you deserve.”

Jonathan waited in the silence and thought about being called a “kid” while Hop began to try again.

“I’m sorry. I really shouldn’t be saying this to you but… your old man… he was an asshole.”

And Jonathan huffed out a chuckle- couldn’t keep it inside him. Hop barely seemed to notice.

“A real prick. I never liked that guy, and I just don’t know how you two grew up to be- no, I do. It was your mother. Your father just didn’t know what he had. He never noticed anything good even when it was two inches in front of him.”

Jonathan stared at Hop. Watched how Hop messed nervously with his hair and his collar and the buttons on his shirt.

“He always was a screw up but he screwed up big time when he screwed up here with you two. With you three. He lost something real good here. And maybe I’m the asshole for being glad for it because…”

Jonathan didn’t know where this was going… but he was figuring it out quickly. Hop pressed on.

“I’m glad to be here. Thank y-”

Hop faltered. Jonathan watched. Jonathan had no voice left in him anymore. Hop continued.

“This day is weird. I know it. Trust me. And you don’t have to… you don’t have to… anything. You don’t have to anything!”

Jonathan laughed at how weird of a statement that was. Hop forced himself to continue on.

“I just… don’t know what I’m trying to say. But I’m not… taking it for granted… that I’m here.”

Jonathan blinked. Hop fidgeted.

“I just hope you know that.” Hop said and looked like he was 2 seconds from fleeing and Jonathan watched and couldn’t make sense of any of the swirling feelings in his stomach as he felt his voice bubble up.

“Billy was right.” is what he said. It was Hop’s turn to look speechlessly at him. Jonathan felt his heart pull. Felt everything in him confused and fighting… and something small in him felt like a bit of relief. “You’re a good dad.”

And Hop’s face lit up like a Christmas tree, with an unmistakable wetness shining in his eyes as the star on top, and Jonathan felt stupid for thinking about Santa Claus in June.

…

Father’s day in the Byers-”not quite Wheeler yet but soon” household is stilted and virtually non-existent.

Jonathan has been living in his own place for years now and he still feels like he can’t fill it up all on his own. He thought he’d be beyond ready to finally get out, but once the time came he realized how heavy his feet were. He’s got all his belongings, most of his music (the stuff he didn’t leave behind for Will), a table, a couch, a bed… and still the place feels blousy around him as he walks around it. He’ll be glad to have Nancy as permanent company soon. In a few months, when she’s finally set to move in. Now that they’ve finally both convinced each other that being together is far more worth it than being alone.

And living on his own has made Jonathan feel growing pains he thought he’d long since forgotten. Even though he’s alone, those small, random holidays don’t cease. It’d be so much easier to ignore them than to notice how hollow he feels when they pass. But, whether it be unfortunately or quite the opposite, he can’t ignore Father’s days anymore- even as they roll by in a lazy blur. That first one out of the house almost slipped past him completely, but he forced himself to call home. Call Hop, with butterflies winging at his heart. He wished him well and sent his thanks in roundabout ways that still felt cottony in his mouth. Hop fumbled over his own emotions, too, so all was well.

Then he heard that Billy and Steve decided to adopt.

He spent that whole afternoon sitting on his couch, zoning out to the television, thinking about that and what it means. When he made his monthly call to the Harrington/Hargrove residence, he asked them what it’s like. He tried to make it casual, like he was only just vaguely interested. Billy sounded tired. Suddenly there was screaming in the background. Jonathan got handed off to Steve because apparently Billy is the one that has to handle it. Again, he asked what it’s like… and this time, Jonathan could hear it. Steve Harrington and the loverboy that he is had honey in his tone. As the screaming quieted down, Steve surprisingly used the simplest words to explain what it’s like to feel the entire Earth’s joy and love in your heart.

Jonathan still felt dizzy with it after he sent his goodbyes and ended the call.

So June is here and Father’s Day rolls by quickly, as always, except this year he’s getting company. Not Nancy yet, but Billy. He’s got some work trip out near where Jonathan is at and he’s agreed to come visit.

On Father’s Day itself, Jonathan calls Hop. They do the song and dance around feelings and how much everything has meant to them. Hop says “Thank you, son.” and Jonathan has to hold his breath at that before he bursts with everything inside of him.

It’s a few days later when Billy comes by, barging into Jonathan’s apartment as soon as he gets to the door with a case of beers and a bag, asking if he can crash. Jonathan rolls his eyes as he watches Billy stake claim on the entirety of his couch. Jonathan grabs the tin of weed he left laying around for the two of them and then shoves at Billy until he moves over enough for the both of them to sit down. He hisses as Billy lays his arm around the backrest of the couch and tugs harshly at his hair, just like he always used to do around the house back home. Growing up, Jonathan never once thought about what it’d be like having an older brother. It’s crazy to think that he knows now, even if they’re only about half a year apart. It’s warmer and perhaps a bit more painful than he’d have anticipated.

They lay around and chat, the TV humming with whatever movie Billy mindlessly changed it to and the stereo in the corner tuned to a station Billy didn’t spit at. He’s always needed a good few different distractions at a time. Jonathan rolled the joint they’re sharing, not particularly fond of the way it burns his chest but knowing Billy prefers it most times. It’s nice to be with him again. He fills out a space in a way that’s all consuming, and makes Jonathan feel a little less like a pinball.

And maybe the two of them don’t really do “sentimental”, but Jonathan still feels obligated to say something since Father’s Day just passed. He feels it in his chest, clawing away at him. Plus, he’s got a bit more on his mind this time around…

He tries to make it casual. They do their usual arguing over Nirvana and Radiohead and Pantera and Jonathan quickly slips in a “congratulations”.

“Huh?” Billy grunts around the joint in his mouth. His voice has only gotten gruffer as they’ve gotten older.

“Happy Father’s day-” Jonathan tries again before getting cut off.

“You’re late to the game, champ.”

Jonathan rolls his eyes, grabbing the joint quickly when Billy offers it up.

“Alright, then I take it back.”

“Good.” Billy’s still got a grin like a shark, but it’s softened a bit with the years added to his face. Billy stretches out long like a bored cat on his seat on the couch. “I expect two next year, though.”

“You’re an asshole.” Jonathan chuckles and yet groans simultaneously- a sound he’s mastered with Billy’s presence in his life.

“And you’re wrong about Pantera, listen to me-”

Jonathan lets it all slide. They continue to just talk, catch up on life, continue jokes they’ve had running since they were teenagers. Jonathan brings out more weed because he originally thought Billy was going to have to drive back to a hotel tonight. Billy burns through a couple of beers and laughs at the way Jonathan still winces at the taste- can barely finish half a can. Billy says “was gonna ask you if there’s something fun to do around the city but I think I’d rather stay in. Can’t believe the kid has made me boring-” over their Chinese take-out that they’ve ordered because “I’ve been craving this shit for months. The little tyke refuses to touch the stuff and we’re sick of making separate chicken nuggets for him.”

And Jonathan thinks he’s going to snap in half.

He can’t handle himself. He’s falling into too many thoughts that are eating away at everything inside of him and he can’t put words to any of them but he has to try now that Billy is here. Now that Billy keeps bringing him up, can’t seem to get the kid off of his mind either. Can’t help but mumble about how appreciative he is to watch a gory movie again because “we’ve gotta be mindful of the little buster, so we don’t scar him for life or something” and Jonathan is filled to the brim with everything he wants to say.

“So…” He starts, lamely. Billy looks over to him, chow mein hanging from his mouth still, eyes expectant and suddenly Jonathan loses every word he’s ever known. “Uh… babies?”

Billy slurps up the chow mein noodle.

“Uh… yeah?” Billy says, just as lamely, confusion painting his face. “What about them?”

Jonathan somehow didn’t think he’d be able to get this far. “What’s it… like?”

Billy stares. He blinks. Then he barks out a loud, booming laugh- and Jonathan might be dramatic, but he could swear it shakes his apartment.

“What are you talking about, Jonny?” Billy looks at him like he’s got at least three heads on his shoulders and if Jonathan wasn’t so sure he’d lose in a heartbeat, he might try to wrestle Billy off the couch.

“Your kid! Your… and… babies... and-”

“Is it the weed?” Billy asks, about a step away from sounding genuinely concerned. “Am I witnessing the day Jonathan Byers actually can’t handle his weed?”

“You’re never going to stop being a pain, are you?” Jonathan grunts, reaching for his cider that he opted for after giving up on the beer Billy brought.

Billy laughs at him, like he always does, but it’s never as poisonous as it seems. “And you’re never gonna stop being embarrassing! Now, what are you saying to me? Are you getting baby fever or something?”

There’s a pause and… yeah, maybe Jonathan never thought of it like that but… maybe? He looks at Billy with wide eyes, very sure that his face is betraying him by showcasing just how scared he is to be having this conversation.

Billy’s eyes widen too, with realization and understanding. “Oh my god, you totally are.”

Jonathan wants more than anything to be able to deny it, but there’s no way to. He suddenly feels like maybe hiding his face is better.

“It’s not… like that-” He tries and fails, face suddenly burning and Billy is laughing that loud, obnoxious laugh again as he knocks into Jonathan’s shoulder and sends bits of food flying out of his container. “I just…”

“Just what? You been cooing over babies in the street, buddy?” Billy is cooing at him, talking to him like he’s a kid and Jonathan truly is going to find some way to injure him.

“Shut up, I’m just asking… what’s it like?”

“What, having a baby?”

“Yeah.” Jonathan wants to busy himself with food like Billy is, but suddenly he feels he can’t stomach it.

“Wouldn’t know, dude.”

“What’s that mean?” Jonathan asks, about ready to shake Billy senseless. “You’ve got a kid-”

“Yeah, and he was a toddler already when we got him. I don’t know about babies.” Billy emphasizes, giving a little shrug along with it as he shovels more food into his mouth. Jonathan had forgotten about that part… he supposes that’s right. “What are you asking me for, anyway? Aren’t you the one that’s been an older brother like… forever?”

Jonathan huffs at that.

“You’re an older brother too, y’know.”

“Yeah, I got Max when she was like, seven!” Billy clarifies loudly. He sounds incredulous, with a look to match as he turns to Jonathan. “And El when she was, what, 12? Will when he was like 13 then you when you were fucking seventeen, I don’t know what the hell you think I know about babies.”

Jonathan takes a big swig from his cider, head aching from having to have this conversation. He should have just kept this to himself… he just…

“I was just asking. I’m just… and Will isn’t my-” He’s not sure how to say it. How to get the words out to where they make sense. “He’s not… I’m not...”

They live and die inside of him.

Billy is still looking at him, but far too intently now. Jonathan can feel his gaze on the side of his face.

“I mean, he kind of is, right?” Billy starts, voice suddenly too soft for Jonathan to be able to think straight. He says it like he knew what Jonathan was thinking about- knew what Jonathan couldn’t say. Jonathan hates when that happens. “Weren’t you… always kind of like… the dad? In all that?”

And Jonathan thinks he might just break, hearing that. Sometimes he forgets how much Billy knows. He’s not sure what he’s meant to say to that. He can’t say he never thought about it that way when he was 12 and cooking meals for all 3 of them. When he tried one summer to get a job out of town- biked himself all the way out of Hawkins to the first place he could lie to about being old enough to work. Because his mom didn’t want him to yet so he couldn’t stay in town where everyone either knew him or knew his mother. All those years he changed diapers and bottle fed Will and taught him his ABC’s or read to him before bed.

 Is that what fatherhood is?

Jonathan doesn’t like to count those years, because if he does then he just gets sad. He doesn’t like to count those as parenting because then he’s forced to realize how much of his childhood was lost on him. Lost to that. He doesn’t like to think of it that way, he loves Will more than anything in his life and he’d do it again in a heartbeat, but…

“Honestly,” Billy sounds so quiet still. Jonathan is amazed at how quiet Billy can get. “I thought you’d never want kids after all that.”

Jonathan thought so too. He wasn’t ready to feel this way.

They sit in silence for a while. Jonathan tries to speak again but Billy cuts him off by shoving a container of food at him and just grunting out a commanding “Eat.”

Jonathan takes it. Stabs his fork through the container without really eating. Billy groans at him.

“God, quit playing with your food? You’re worse than my kid.”

Jonathan’s heart feels like it wants to tug out of him. He concedes to eat, and they do so with virtual silence between them- only the white noise of the TV and the radio and the street underneath them as their background.

Jonathan gets more than halfway through his takeout container before he tries again.

“Why?” He asks, like it means anything. Billy just raises an eyebrow at him. “Why did you decide to have kids?”

Billy pauses- seems to take the time to really think. “... because we wanted to up the difficulty in our life?” is what he ends up saying and Jonathan can’t hold in his scoff. “I don’t know.” Billy finishes with uncertainty and a bit of a laugh.

“I just… can’t think of any reason for me to be a father that doesn’t feel so fucking selfish.” Jonathan forces it out of himself, already feeling self-important just for mentioning it.

He just hasn’t been able to make sense of it. He’s been wrestling with it for too long now- this sudden want in him to have kids.

He spent most of his life dedicated to a kid. He’s almost grown a hatred for being in charge, which is why he loves how sure Nancy seems to be of everything. She can take the reins, and he feels a sense of calm at not always having to drive the helm. But… maybe baby fever is the right word? He sees lots of kids on the street here with their parents. Kids smiling and laughing. He passes by a school on his walk to work and watches them get dropped off. The joy in their faces. He remembers being a kid. Remembers what it was like, to feel all those pains of growing up. Figuring out the world, for all the good and bad that lies within it. He remembers feeling pain, and seeing it in Will’s face, too.

He remembers how hard it was to be a kid in his situation. When he heard Billy and Steve were adopting, he thought about what those two were doing for that kid. What they meant to that kid. He thought about Hop…

“Not that you two are selfish!” Jonathan remedies quickly, realizing exactly what he just said. “You’re literally the exact opposite of selfish. You’re helping that boy… way more than I think you even realize.”

He almost envies it sometimes. For as exhausting as it was to do all he did, he almost misses helping out around the house. Helping his mother and helping Will. Sometimes, being here and all alone, he realizes how little he’s really doing. He misses being helpful… but then he wonders if perhaps he just misses feeling useful. He wants to do right by somebody, but does he just want to feel good? He doesn’t want to use another human life just to reassure himself. And he’d loathe to bring a child into this world just to test out if it’s some grand calling and then find himself feeling burdened. He doesn’t want to put a kid in the position of feeling like a burden.

He thinks about how they’ve adopted. How many kids there are out there who weren’t fortunate enough to have someone willing or able to care for them.

“I dunno, should I do that too?” He wonders out loud, mind stuck on adoption. “I don’t think I care if they look like me. Should I care if they look like me?”

Billy shrugs, brows a little furrowed. “I don’t think so, but aren’t normal people supposed to get like… revved up for that sort of thing?”

“Weird word choice there, pal.” Jonathan scrunches his nose up.

“You know what I mean.”

Jonathan guesses he does. He thinks of Nancy, because truthfully he’s not alone in this. He thinks of the way Nancy has always vehemently rebelled against what everyone expects of her. She always said she doesn’t want the nuclear family her parents forced upon themselves. He knows the struggles she’s had with all of that. And she would hold Jonathan sometimes too, on days where his anxiety would peak, and tell him that he didn’t have to put so much on his shoulders. He didn’t have to worry about the weight of everyone’s lives like that.

But maybe he wants to worry about something? Maybe he misses it, maybe he wants to help, maybe-

“Do you think it’d be easier to get Nancy to agree to that?” He’s still wondering aloud, still thinking of adoption. “It’d probably piss off her parents, and I bet she’d be happy about that… and should I think about my own mom? Does she want grandkids-”

“Joyce is just happy when she hears you’ve left the house.”

“Ha ha.” Jonathan deadpans as Billy chuckles. “I just… I don’t care if they come from me. I think I just want to help a little kid who was like me. Help someone feel understood-”

“Oh yeah, real selfish.” Billy scoffs, crunching on his fortune cookie, the paper inside discarded on the table along with the wrapper.

Jonathan sputters. “I’m serious! Is it- am I being-?”

“C’mon, Jonny boy.” Billy levels with him, looking about ready to slap Jonathan out of it if given even half the chance to. “You don’t know selfish. You’ve never known selfish a day in your life.”

And maybe that breaks Jonathan’s heart, too. He can’t think about that either.

“Well…” Jonathan tries, one final time, to get anything out of this other than an aching stomach. “What is it like for you?”

Billy blinks harshly at him. Jonathan presses on.

“I know this is hard for you, too.” Jonathan explains, trying to be understanding. “You’re like me, Billy. We both know that.”

And Jonathan hopes that Billy has aged enough to the point that he won’t run from this. That he won’t get too scared that he bolts away, excusing himself for something he doesn’t need just to evade feelings, like Jonathan always wants to do, too. They really are far too much alike-

“It’s… weird, man. It’s weird. It doesn’t stop… being weird.”

Jonathan remembers being teenagers. Remembers confiding in Billy. Remembers the chill of the grocery store. He tries to keep his chuckles quiet and to himself as Billy continues.

“Honestly, I don’t even feel like a dad yet.”

“What are you talking about? You are a dad-”

“Yeah, but people see our kid and he doesn’t look like us and they… people are idiots about it. Plus sometimes it feels like we didn’t even raise him. Or like we’re just playing house.”

Jonathan watches Billy rise and fall inside his own mind. He wonders if he should try to console him.

“Sometimes I feel like I’m messing him up every time I open my mouth.”

Jonathan remembers feeling like that with Will. The first time he ever made Will cry. Back when he was going through his awkward teenage phase and he had to push all his own emotions down to be a good role model. It hurt. It was far too difficult.

“I’m sure you’re not.” Jonathan tries to console, scooching just a millimeter closer to Billy. “I’m sure the worst you’re doing is exposing him to shitty music.”

That makes Billy laugh, but it also earns Jonathan a rough shove and a promise of “I’ll end, you, Jonny.”

“I dunno, all of it is hard.” Billy continues on with a sigh. He’s rubbing his palms together, and then anxiously picking at his jeans like he always did growing up. “He’s like a little puzzle we haven’t figured out yet. But I never question if it was worth it or not. And when he smiles, and I’m the reason… I don’t think there’s anything better than that.”

And Jonathan gets a front row seat to watch the smile that melts onto Billy’s face- like all is right with the world suddenly. Like there’s nothing that could ever taint what he’s feeling right at this moment. Jonathan thinks about how casually Billy mentions his son, even at what seems to be the most random times, and how much it plays with his heart.

Jonathan sees Billy relax in a way he’s not sure he’s ever seen before, and he thinks maybe he’s ready to figure out for himself exactly what a father is.

#jonathan byers #billy hargrove #jim hopper #lonnie byers #found family #stranger things #angst #emotional hurt comfort #fic #father's day #i know people don't necessarily like jonathan... #but this is where i come out not only as a jonathan apologist but a jonathan lover #no i don't support EVERYTHING he's done but we know better than most that the duffers are creepy idiots #who used their characters to relive high school (not so) glory days #i see a sad boy who loves his family more than anything and had to give up a lot of his childhood bc he felt he had to support them #that's it! that's all no more defending myself lmao! #i just also really like Billy and Jonathan being unlikely friends and brothers now <3 #they are BOTH my boys! #i dunno!!! just think about a young Jonathan interacting with Hop <3 #it's cute I love the byers I just!!! wanna squish em!!!!!!

[sevicia]

Idk if I ever mentioned but I started listening to Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata yesterday and finished it today. It's very short, exactly 3 hrs 22 mins, and I really really liked it

My favorite part of the book was how Keiko behaved and spoke and thought, because it felt really familiar. Stuff like mimicking others' behavior to "fit in" (speech patterns, fashion choices, etc.), and of finding ?comfort? in a set environment such as the convenience store. I don't know if it can be accurately called "comfort", because while it IS a set routine, something to base her entire life around, it is, at the same time, oppressive in the way that it becomes her whole world and dictates everything from her eating habits to her speech patterns.

Keiko says a lot that, in the convenience store, they are only convenience store workers. Not men or women or any other identifiable quality, just workers, and I found that an interesting way to view it because when it gets broken near the end of the book, she is very upset about it. Being upset when something you convinced yourself of (with basis, yes, but still not 100% true in practice), is broken, is very understandable, but the way that she became so agitated, didn't understand why everyone had changed, and kept insisting on following the convenience store routine, made the thought of her being autistic really solidify in my head.

Because she mimicks other people, doesn't understand most social cues (the ones she understands, she has been taught), and also doesn't understand the reason behind people's attitudes when they change suddenly, not to mention her apparent lack of empathy at the beginning of the book (towards the bird and her classmates) and throughout it. She's autistic as fuck imo but I could be wrong.

Also, on the topic of sexuality, she is 100% aroace, like there is no room for doubt there. This results in trouble for her, being a single woman living in Japan in her thirties, since all of her friends and her sister pressure her to get married or at least date somebody. This is obviously fucked up, but Keiko just sort of goes with it in hopes of becoming "normal".

There's also a lot of talk of Keiko being "cured" throughout the book, which, while already messed up, is even worse when you read her as having autism. We all know why.

On the topic of Shiraha, I fucking hated the guy (as anyone with half a braincell would). Literally an incel droning on and on about the stone age, about being the victim and about women not wanting him because they go for (basically) alpha men (he doesn't phrase it like this, but c'mon). He also berates Keiko time and time again, which she doesn't care about at all, but as a reader / listener, it's really infuriating, especially since the two things he shames her for are:

1. Being a single woman in her thirties

2. Working at a convenience store while in her thirties

Which is obviously misogynistic, and ageist, and I don't know if it's the right term, but also classist. He views convenience store workers, and most definitely all retail / "lower end" workers, as trash that will never get anywhere (as if HE'S going anywhere), and he also speaks frequently of how he is looked down upon for being a virgin at his age and then proceeds to do the same to Keiko. He's such a hypocrite it's unreal.

Another thing, the way that Keiko's friends consider her an outsider until she lies about having a boyfriend is really painful to read about when you're similar to her. I have this fear of forever being an "other", and this made me feel queasy.

While I couldn't relate to Keiko at 100%, I still could relate to her quite a bit, so it really hit close to home whenever she was told she was a nobody, that she would go nowhere in life, and other horrible things. Keiko herself doesn't seem to care about this, but I do.

A lot of people call this book disturbing while others call it funny. I don't know where I fall, but it's definitely not funny.

I think my only major gripe with the book was, for some reason, the way the title was translated. The original title (as said at the end of the audiobook), is "Konbini Ningen". Which if I'm not wrong, translates literally to "Convenience Store Human". I like this better since it ties in with Keiko's view of herself as nothing but a convenience store worker, if not a "convenience store animal", as she says towards the end. However, "Convenience Store Human" doesn't have the same appeal as "Convenience Store Woman", so I can see why they went with that instead.

Anyways, I really enjoyed it. It felt oddly familiar, and was fun to listen to. I gave it 4.75 🌟 on Storygraph, because (I don't know why) it wasn't QUITE there for me. It might change in the future though idk.

If you read this whole thing:

1. you're insane a little bit

2. thank you

3. I love you. Here's your reward..... :

booboo wheel

#long post #I have to find a new audiobook naow #much to think about

[rvnwtch]

@craftygamerkm1714 tagged me in a tag game thing!!! Here’s some answers!!

1 Are you named after anyone?

Oh this is a REALLY good question. I don’t think so. I think my parents just picked out a name they liked the sound of. (Which I’m glad for. I don’t need to carry on someone else’s legacy.)

2 When was the last time you cried?

Last night because I was listening to this woman tell a beautiful story and it-it just GOT me okay? (which is impressive, I don’t think I’ve cried from a story since Addie LaRue was early released for book of the month) also whenever I read Song of Achilles I cried for the last 16 pages.)

3 Do you have kids?

No. And I don’t know if I ever will. Part of me wants to be a mom so bad but also… I don’t think I have the patience and I think that’s very grown up of me to realize and not sad at all!

4 Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Every word out of my mouth

5 What’s the first thing you notice about people? 

If they look upset or not. I’m not judging anyone, I’m just shy and debating how to interact with people.

6 What’s your eye color?

Eye color is the color of someone’s irises! They come in a variety of colors ranging from light to dark. Hell maybe some people have no eye color at all. (Remember that sarcasm question?) That would be very badass of them.

7 Scary movies or happy endings? 

I was gonna make up like a super high stakes “I would rather do x,y,z than watch a scary movie!!” But then I decided that was untrue and I don’t want to jinx myself. (The intrusive thoughts started getting me on this one LMAO). Happy endings, when done right, are very nice.

8 Special talents? 

I pick up on things really fast (as long as I’m not anxious or being pressured! Or bored.) I’m just a quick learner so long as I’m interested. 

9 Where were you born?

In a hospital. Probably in an operating room of some sort.

10 What are your hobbies?

I’ve been trying to figure this one out lately. Outside of ESO and reading I don’t do much. I do Like tarot cards, there are some really fun editions out there. And I can’t say any of these things to people I’ve just met! I need more things to do.

11 Do you have any pets?

On Elder Scrolls I have so many pets that my little sibling heard me talking about getting the free Gallen Wisp or whatever it’s called and shouted “I don’t think you need any more pets.” Which is blatantly untrue. I will not rest until I’ve collected every pet in that damn game. My favorite is the wicker fright banekin (but don’t tell the other pets I said that!)

12 What sports do you/have you played?

I was gonna make another joke and say something like “exercise is for the weak!” But that is like the opposite of true so I’ll answer this one. When I was in preschool I “played” soccer. But the coach was mean and I was like four, so I refused to go to the practice sessions or play in the games. I wanted to do volleyball in high school, but I didn’t want people to look at me (being a high schooler and all!) so I didn’t do that either. And I don’t really regret either of those decisions.

13 How tall are you? 

Taller than the tallest mountain peak. I’m so tall that I wear clouds as hats. My goal in life is to always be admired for my pure and authentic height. (Tall for a woman but I will not be sharing anything too identifying on my social media account where I write about video game vampires, Hahaha!)

14 Favorite subject in school?

I’m sure this will come as a surprise, but anything that involved writing! It took less effort than math, and science class has always been hard for me. History was fine, but it had gotten repetitive by high school. I was almost always excited for Language Arts/Reading class. Or any time we got to use class time in the library.

15 Dream job? 

Something that’s partially remote. I wouldn’t mind working from home two or three days out of the week and going in only once or twice. I need something that gets me out of the house, but I’m a major homebody with anxiety so… I need to spend time in my room to recuperate. Also important would be something where people won’t yell at me. 

I’m tagging @simping-master-69 and

@i-simp-for-fennorian !!!

#Tag game

[chxckandmxte]

@mcmcntomorii || Thread Move || Continued from here ☣

💘 - Mukuro

「I have been meaning to tell you the truth, honestly I have, I just don’t know how to bring that up in conversation and I didn’t want to just blindside you with that sort of sudden information。」 But it looks like someone beat her to it, now she could really understand why he was so upset with her。 He was upset with her and that was the reason this conversation was happening。

  Mukuro wrapped her arms around herself, her mind working at the speed of light convincing herself that this was the end of a perfect relationship all because of herself. Leon had divulged secrets and other information to her, unbeknownst that he was talking to someone who sold those types of secrets。 She’d retain eye contact with him despite feeling so ashamed of herself。

「I mainly work with Yakuza, so information like you’ve told me wouldn’t really garner any interest and if they did, I’d never sell that information。 I love you too much to ruin this,」 but I fear I already have, was what Mukuro wanted to add on。 If Mukuro was anything, she is and will always be fiercely loyal, someone could pry all her nails off and she still wouldn’t divulge anything that’s been said to her by Leon。 

「I'm unsure of what all Hunnigan told you, but I’ll also add that while it’s not my main job, I do have experience as an assassin,」 Mukuro spoke in a soft tone, she might as well rip that band-aid off while she was at it, 「it’s mainly within Yakuza and crime syndicates like that。 I’ve never had a major political head as a target before or anything like that, and those types of jobs are very, very few and far between。」

「You’re right, you shouldn’t have to had find out like that, and I’m sorry I hadn’t told you sooner, I do trust you, I really do, I promise with my whole heart that was the only thing I’ve lied to you about and I understand if you don’t believe that but it’s true。 And I understand that you’re very upset with me and that if you--」 she tightened her arms around herself for a moment as tears slowly began to trickle down her cheeks, she couldn’t get herself to finish her sentence but it was rather clear to what she assume the end result of this conversation was going to be。

「I’m really sorry,」 she’d whisper again, Mukuro didn’t know if this was something he’d find forgivable or not, and so again, she’d brace herself for hearing either the words ‘ we’re over ‘ or tell her to start packing and leave tonight。

[{ ☣ }] - "Blindside me? You had five years. If it took my contact and her initiative just to get you to finally tell me, it sure doesn't seem like you had plans of telling me. If it hadn't been for Hunnigan, I'm pretty damn sure I still would have no clue."

Leon sat back a bit as he listened to her plead her case, as mad as he was, he was going to be fair and give her as much time as she needed to explain her reason for keeping that secret for so long, there had to be a good reason for it right? He just hoped his thoughts on the matter were wrong, and that she did trust him. It was hard not to be a bit hurt for Mukuro keeping her real occupation to herself for so long, maybe even longer if it hadn't been for Hunnigan looking into Mukuro out of her own volition.

Crossing his arms, the agent listened to her continue to explain more about her job now that it was finally up in the air, and what exactly the kinds of people were that she worked with, and when she mentioned Yakuza, the expression on Leon's face became more understandably disappointed, further proven by the quick shake of his head when she revealed the organization she was usually involved with, he wasn't too happy with what he heard, but despite this, he let her continue.

A scoff at her statement that the organization she collaborated with often having no interest, she might be right for the most part, but at the same time, she was also very wrong. Information to most, didn't seem like much besides the general exchange of details, but information was much more powerful than people thought.

While some organizations like the Yakuza might not be interested in his line of work, but it didn't mean it was the same for every single clan inside the Yakuza, there were several different branches of families connected to the criminal underground, all it took was one member to decide on using that piece of knowledge with sinister intent. Or even someone connected to the Yakuza through business potentially getting ahold of that intelligence, that and many more, there were far too many risks.

[{ ☣ }] - "It doesn't matter. Information like that in the hands of any kind of criminal organization could do a lot of damage, especially if they have a special hatred for old Uncle Sam. I work in the Division of Security Operations, an agency that responds to calls worldwide. So someone would find a use for it one way or the other, and the result wouldn't be a good one."

Because of how important that piece of information was given his own occupation, he just couldn't understand why it had been so hard for her to tell him, especially after half a decade of nothing but one-hundred percent honesty on Leon's side of the relationship, he only hoped there were no more secrets buried within her that she also hadn't told him about, one lie over five years, was already bad enough, though at this rate, he wouldn't be surprised if there was anything else, he only hoped they involved her career and nothing else.

The moment when she mentioned her time as an assassin, he gave a nod, a small sense of relief as she told him. Hunnigan had mentioned that too, but he didn't want to say anything to her about it, as a little test to see if she would bring it up herself, and thankfully, she passed.

[{ ☣ }] - "I know, Hunnigan said that too, glad I didn't need to be the one to bring that up."

Slowly registering everything Mukuro had said to him, eventually he was able to garner up some sort of understanding as to why she couldn't bring herself to tell him. Maybe he could chalk it off as anxiety since things had become more serious over the years, perhaps there was some sort of fear of ruining it by telling him, he could see that much from her expression of body language. Maybe, he was being a little too hard on her, at last she explained it to the best of her abilities. With how she trailed off her sentence, and came back with a sorrowful apology.

Letting out a sigh as he saw tears begin to trickle down Mukuro's face, Leon's expression softened up, instead of saying anything, he shook his head and just pulled the woman into his arms for a warm embrace, one hand wrapped around her frame while the other hand on her head, index fingers gently brushing her hair as he held her, Leon speaks, his tone now more gentle and calm.

[{ ☣ }] - "Don't worry, we're just fine Mu. I just wish you told me something so important so many years sooner. Then we could have avoided this whole thing."

#mcmcntomorii #♥ ⁻ ᴼⁿˡʸ ᵂᶦᵗʰ ʸᵒᵘ ᵀʰᵉ ᴿᵉᵈ ᴳʰᵒˢᵗ ᶜᵃⁿ ᶠᵃᵈᵉ ⁻ ᴾˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ᴰᵃʳˡᶦⁿᵍ ᵀᵃᵏᵉ ᴹʸ ᴸᵒⁿᵉˡʸ ᴴᵉᵃʳᵗ ᴬʷᵃʸ ⁻ ᴸᵉᵒⁿ/ᴹᵘᵏᵘʳᵒ ♥ #V; Wᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ Bᴀᴛᴛʟᴇ ʙᴜᴛ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʜᴇ Wᴀʀ (Pᴏsᴛ-RE6 2013 ᴛᴏ 2014) #Wʜᴀᴛ's ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴏɪɴᴛ ᴏғ ɪᴛ ᴀʟʟ!? (IC) #//I totally get it #//It's like you can feel the emotions from the thread hitting you irl #//That's exactly how I felt #//I got sad making Leon give her crap at the start #//Sitting here like : 'aww poor mukuro shes so worried' lol #//But now there is cute #//There is happy #//Happy cute vibes now :3 #long post #//Well some has that filtered as a tag now lol

[melloaloe]

SP Success Story~~~

I just want to document this and let y’all see my journey with the law of assumption

So the first thing/major thing I wanted to manifest was my sp. We were sort of friends at the beginning of this past school year. Long dramatic story short, I was struggling with jealousy and had a really hard time believing that he would like me. There was a lot of hot and cold behavior throughout the school year and I genuinely thought that he didn’t like me. He never straight up rejected me, but I never asked him. I wanted him to be the one to ask me, that way I knew that this was because of the law.

During the school year, it was really the only thing I could ever focus on, so affirming was sort of easy for me. I dabbled a bit in a lot of different ‘techniques’, such as scripting, affirmations, visualizing, rampage,telephone technique, etc. It wasn’t until we finally got to April, and I had the grand idea to start listening to subliminals again.

This time I did a little more research into subliminals and made a simple playlist consisting of two boosters, beginning and end, and the actual sp subliminal. If anyone is curious or wants to know specifically what I listened to, go check out moza morph, I really like her subliminals.

Anyways, after I started listening to these subliminals, mainly on my way to school and throughout the night, I really started to see a shift in my reality regarding my SP. He started becoming obsessed with me and we got pretty close. Many of the things that I had scripted were coming true; talking everyday, can’t take his eyes off of me, loves talking to me, I’m his favorite person, constantly texting me, etc. Finally, May 5th was the day that he confessed to me that he liked me and we’ve been together since. He is literally the most perfect boyfriend and my manifestation played out better than expected. We’ve also had many discussions about the school year and what we thought of each other before the relationship and he swears to me that he’s liked me for a long time now and that he was just intimidated by me. I don’t know if that was revision but it really seemed like it. It’s like we had different versions of the past. But idc because I have my boyfriend and we love each other very very much❤️

So what are some tips or key take aways from this?

BE CONFIDENT!!! Okay I had just gotten over my depression and self hatred prior to discovering the law, so I didn’t necessarily struggle with self concept. I would hype myself up every morning and remind my self of how amazing I was. Somewhere deep inside, you just have to know it. Know that you are perfect. Know that you are going to manifest your desire, regardless of anything.

If you like to script, do thissss. Every night before going to bed (or whenever honestly, I just like to do it before I go to sleep so I can think about it as I drift off), write at least a page about how happy you are to have your manifestation. It’s already done, you have it. By writing it down, you are just accepting that it’s true and affirming that it’s true. Almost every night, I would just write about how happy my boyfriend makes me and how sweet and loving he is. I would write in detail so that I could really feel the emotions. Sometimes I would have moments when I would just smile uncontrollably because I was so happy that he was mine. I accepted it and just had to trust and know that it would happen eventually, and it did!

Lastly, it’s okay to cry. It’s totally okay to just cry and be upset. It’s not going to ruin your manifestation. Now if you do it frequently, then yeah, you’ll fall back into your old story. But every once in awhile, things get hard and you just need to let all of these feelings out. Whenever I had a bad day or I felt like it just wasn’t working, I’d affirm or rampage, and then move on to something else like homework or personal projects. I always tried to make sure I never left off on a bad note. It sucks and sometimes it’s not what you want to do, and obviously you don’t have to, but just affirming for what you want while you feel horrible is going to help build in your mind your new reality. Also, if you are really worried about ruining your manifestation, just use and believe the affirmation, I always get what I want no matter what.

If you have any questions or want more tips and tricks, I gotchu. I’ll have more success stories on the way 😉

#law of assumption #loa #manifesation #manifesting #affirmations #success story

[writingthingiguess]

Blog for class

I have been tasked with writing a blog for my writing class, as such I have no idea what to write. How exactly does one write a blog? Is there some set way for things to be laid out? am I supposed to follow the lax teaching of the hit Disney show dog with a blog? the one I watched when I was sick in bed and was honestly atrocious. I'm just going to do what I tend to do whenever I talk to someone else. Ramble.

I always seem to be able to find a topic of conversation, something I'm passionate about and then rant for days. I think its just the way my brain is wired, I love listening to other people rant as well, its like “hello I have opinions” “no way me too!” I sometimes fear my friends are sick of me when I talk, but they assure me its not true, sometimes though when they hear about my opinion of certain characters in books or shows I love they sink into their chairs and wait for me to finish, content to just listen. Man I love my friends.

I used to, and still do, get worked up over the Artemis Fowl books for instance, my favourite character in those books is called Minerva. She’s smart and funny and amazing, she is also never mentioned again after the one book she appears in. according to the author you cant have two super geniuses in a series and make it work but I think he's just a coward. As my friends will tell you, I always talk about how upset I was he didn't even try, he could have made Minerva, Artemis’ rival of some sort, make her more socially capable then Artemis, make her story be what Artemis missed during the time he was stuck in a suspended state (the books are a bit odd ok?). I'm very firmly of the opinion the books went down hill after that one, or even during that book, but I love that book because of Minerva so I ignored the story failing. I cant really read the rest of the books anymore. The implied romance between holly, an adult woman (who is also a fairy but that isn't relevant for my point) who is implied to be around the human equivalent of thirty and Artemis, who in the first book is TWELVE and in the last book, is an unknown age because time travel is a bitch but also STILL VERY MUCH NOT AN ADULT, at least compared to holly. Sure the romance is never explicitly stated but everyone knows what the author was implying and its gross. 

Anyways, enough about my weird obsession with a French girl who called a deadly mercenary a loser (my god I love Minerva) I've always loved books intended for a younger audience, I feel like they are so much less restrictive, like you are so much more likely to find a book about a friendly dragon, who cant breath fire because of an injury who wants to help the main character find his sister in the children's section then in the adults section, they are always so creative. Something I have noticed is a vast majority of books aimed at adults are either romance heavy or violence heavy, which if that's your taste that's fine, people come in different shape and sizes with different interests and who am I to judge? I'm in the middle of a re-watch of ever after high, a kids show made to sell dolls that got cancelled when Disney's descendants came out. But I feel that neither romance or extreme violence is necessary for an interesting story. My favourite series of books is ‘a series of unfortunate events’ by Lemony Snicket, a fake author who's story is surrounded with unanswered questions and mystery. The books are about misery. That's it, it is three miserable children who get in to outlandish situations, and every single one ends in tragedy. But its fun to read, the author is witty and funny at just the right moments and morose and morning at others. Hell I even wrote an essay on this fake author for a class at my university. My point is the books are sad, depressing even. My mother couldn't finish them even though she recommended them to me. There is legitimate emotion in those pages, and its a kids series. I was around ten years old when I started reading them, and those books still bring out a more emotional reaction in me then any death scene in a book aimed for a more mature audience. Anyways where was i going with this? Books aimed for children are good, i had an obsession with Percy Jackson again recently and casting just came out and, i don't think kids books should be undervalued as literature just because they are kids books. whew , sorry about that i start writing then i get out of hand. I read out my opinions on love triangles to the class today. I have a weird amount  of opinions of love triangles. Anyways adios, I have decided this blog is just a rant i get to force my classmates to read. Y’all I'm sorry, but also suffer.

#writing #artemis fowl #a series of unfortunate events #percy jackson #I'm so sorry people in my class this is just me ranting for an unreasonable about of time #but also suffer