#who used their characters to relive high school (not so) glory days

[okaybutlikeimagine]

A Father’s Day Triptych; P2

(Wrote a very late part 2 to A Father’s Day Triptych! this time following Jonathan’s past)

(as always, on AO3 here)

TW: past/referenced child abuse, emotional hurt/comfort, child neglect

Father’s day in the Byers household was dreary and exhausting.

It was probably always that way. Jonathan sometimes imagines there could have been a few pleasant years in there when he was a baby- back when he was far too young to remember anything and Will wasn’t even a thought in anyone’s minds. He only wishes he could have fully experienced them, if they ever existed to begin with. The only memories that he’s logged away are ones of stress and struggle. Ones that are loud and grating. Ones that are colored gray and black.

The first one he even remembers was the year Will was born, and how upset he felt at all the yelling still going on, even with the new baby in the house. He spent most of the day in his room, cradling Will while he heard his parents going at each other’s throats through the thin walls. Jonathan decided then to always do his best to make it okay for Will, at the very least. He’s spent every waking day in an attempt to make things okay for Will.

It was always near Father’s Day that Jonathan really understood the poor excuse for a father he had. He remembers the year in elementary school where they spent their last few days before summer break with craft paper and markers, set to draw up fun cards in honor of their fathers. He heard every story about fishing trips and “bring your kid to work” days and major league baseball games. Kids would boast about large barbecues and days in the sun. It became a one-up-manship contest at one point. Jonathan just sat and wore out his blue crayon.

And maybe it was that year that he believed those things could actually be true. That kids weren’t just lying to make themselves look cool- that they actually had fathers who cared… maybe even listened once in a while. It was kind of like the opposite of being told Santa Claus isn’t real, but perhaps a bit more heart-wrenching. It was like being told Santa Claus is real, and he’s every bit as magical as they say he is, but he’ll never come visit you.

Jonathan biked home from school that day and almost convinced himself that it could be real for him, by some sort of miracle. That Lonnie wasn’t really horrible all of the time, maybe Jonathan was just doing something wrong. He filled himself up with fanciful ideas of becoming a better son so he, too, could deserve one of those “good fathers”. He almost had a whole plan set… and he was about halfway home when his head was full of all the times Lonnie had muttered “useless” at him for stupid things- like how he flinched at the sound of guns. Dropped the tool box multiple times. Couldn’t even catch a football.

And Lonnie was always cruel and insufferable, but it got exponentially worse on days where he felt owed something. Father’s day, his birthday, hell sometimes even just random days off. He’d kick up his feet on the coffee table and loudly demand to be served. Joyce would spend all day delivering food, beer, newspapers, magazines… Lonnie would demand it all with an expectant smirk on his face that’d turn sour when he didn’t get what he wanted. He pouted like a child- more often than Will ever did. And when Joyce got too tired, Jonathan quickly took up the task, even if it was at Joyce’s behest. He was only a child, it was all he could do to help her.

He’d face the disgusting smirk himself, as much as it made him queasy to look at. He was always a scrawny kid, so he’d try not to recoil at the way Lonnie clapped him on the shoulder with a bit too much force. It was like the man was trying to assert dominance. Or like he was trying to break Jonathan beneath his hands while crowing about how it was “for his own good”. If Jonathan reacted too much, Lonnie would just grip tighter. Sometimes he’d whip Jonathan into a headlock, deeming it “tough love” as he’d grab at Jonathan’s hair and pull. Always pushed Jonathan in a means to provoke him- wrestle and rough him up a bit and cackle as he did it. He’d try to get him to fight back. “Toughen him up” and teach him “valuable lessons”.

Jonathan just did his best to keep it away from Will. Whenever he could, if he ever saw Lonnie veer in Will’s direction with that gruff chuckle and that glint in his eye, Jonathan would push between them in an instant.

When Lonnie was finally out of the picture things got… stilted around Father’s day. Awkward. Fumbling. Joyce tried her hardest to make the day feel as normal as possible. Jonathan was used to it, but it was still hard for Will. He was still in elementary school. One year they did something in class to help celebrate. Jonathan remembered the way it felt to be so… isolated. He watched Will come home and slink off to his room, tears welling up in his eyes. He held Will tight that night and chastised him for ever blaming himself as the reason for what happened. Jonathan found himself still cursing Lonnie just as much as he did while the bastard was still in their home.

It never got less awkward. Every Father’s Day since then felt odd. It was never like something was missing… more like something was suddenly intruding on them all. And Jonathan only gave himself a few moments to despair the sinking feeling before putting on a brave face to soothe an anxious Will and Joyce.

…

Father’s day in the Byers-Hopper household was awkward…but somehow in a very caring and sweet way.

Jonathan had known Hop for a long time before they started to share a roof. He briefly remembers being a toddler and meeting Hop a couple times on the street. The odd, confusing pride he felt in being called a “handsome young boy” and Joyce smiling tightly and their exchanges being short. Remembers a few years after that when Jim rolled back into town on a wave of rumors about death and tragedy- when whispers followed him like ghosts. There was a fine line everyone seemed to toe back then… between their respect of him as Chief and their disgust of him as a drug addict and a drunkard.

Jonathan always thought of small moments when he thought of Hop… moments like when they crossed paths at the Hawkins 4th of July parade and Hop handed him a lollipop. Or the time they caught sight of Hop at the fair and the Chief had given Will a Sheriff’s badge sticker to wear on his shirt and deemed him the newest deputy and made Will giggle like crazy. Even back when he always seemed sad, he was sweet- so suddenly having him around didn’t feel as gross or stifling as he once thought it might. The only sourness Jonathan ever felt was that anyone outside would ever think, even for a second, that Joyce hadn’t done a good enough job on her own. Just her and her two boys. That she and Jonathan didn’t give it their damnedest- that they needed someone around to help because they couldn’t hold it together. It wasn’t like that. Joyce was a good mother- the best mother.

Still, he did appreciate the extra helping hand. Well… make that a few pairs of helping hands.

The once Lone Wolf Jim Hopper didn’t come on his own anymore- no, now he was a package deal. An exhausted cop, a girl with superpowers, and a boy with burdens. It was a strange accommodation to suddenly make, but hell, even they weren’t unwanted.

Will seemed almost impossibly happy to have someone his age around all the time. Jonathan knew how cool Will thought El was, but Will couldn’t ever seem to believe when El returned the same feelings to him. She listened to every detail about his D&D character, she watched in fascination as he drew, she cheered him on when he played video games. She told stories to Will about the time he went missing- how all the rest of the party ever did was tell her how wonderful he was. She treated him like a hero, too. The two of them became an excitable dynamic duo to be reckoned with.

And Billy made Jonathan… tentative, at first. Though as the days went by, Jonathan was suddenly hard pressed to remember when they ever interacted at all before living together. As soon as they got to talking, Jonathan realized how oddly similar they were, and suddenly a gratefulness began to overcome him. There was someone around to help buy weed, and someone to smoke it with. Billy seemed to know a lot more about different strains than Jonathan, something Billy attributed to being from California, so he showed Jonathan which strains to steer clear of so Jonathan wouldn’t ache to crawl out of his own skin. It was also nice to talk with someone about music who got it… who craved it as much as he did, even if Billy’s taste was atrocious. Billy would say the same about Jonathan.

Billy was gentle and kind with Will. El was cheerful and sweet with Jonathan. And Joyce… Joyce hadn’t looked that calm- that happy in -far too long. So regardless of anything else, it was all worth it. But what surprised Jonathan the most was how he found himself gauging Hop. Constantly.

The Chief Jim Hopper himself, who swung El around like a monkey sometimes. Who was more gentle with Billy than Jonathan could ever make sense of. Who treated Will to ice cream and candy maybe a little more often than he should have. Who gave Joyce soft kisses on the top of her head. Who smiled a hell of a lot more than Jonathan had ever seen him before. Who looked comfortable in his own skin again. Who looked confident in himself again.

Jonathan was happy for him. But that still didn’t make anything feel anywhere close to normal about having a… “father” in the house. There hadn’t been a “dad” around to celebrate in such a long time. Father’s day meant nothing to them anymore in the Byers household. Maybe they’d order some of their favorite take out that night but that was about all. So when June came around and El appeared in Jonathan’s doorway, he assumed it could be anything.

He wasn’t expecting her to yell “Father’s day!” at him in excitement.

Billy had appeared next, behind El, explaining how they usually do something for Hop. Looked at Jonathan with an expectant gaze, asked if he was going to come along. And something pulled within Jonathan at that moment- something deep and sick, like jealousy. Or maybe betrayal. Like a bitterness he didn’t know was locked away inside of him.

He joined anyway and sat in the passenger’s seat of Billy’s Camaro, El and Will in the back, while El and Billy talked about what they were looking to get for Hop from the store. What they had learned about him. What they had gotten him in the past. Jonathan pushed down the images of them celebrating Hop happily.

He hung back in their group of four. He watched Will start to get excited with El. He caught Billy’s attention somehow, on accident, and just couldn’t keep the words in his damn mouth. They stumbled out in a worried mumble: “This is weird.”

Billy was confused. Jonathan stuttered, feeling out of place again and wrong, too, for saying anything at all. Tried to keep his big feet and big mouth from stepping on any already battered toes. He couldn’t take his eyes off of all the Father’s Day decorations and cakes and balloons and cards and the way they were eating him from the inside out.

He wasn’t eloquent in the slightest. He stuttered over how he and Will hadn’t had a father in a very long time. Not one to celebrate. The whole time he spoke he was keenly aware of Billy and the reason he was now living with Hop in the first place.

Jonathan held his breath as the air between him and Billy went dead and wavered in the awkward silence, before Billy spoke up in a tone Jonathan couldn’t make sense of.

“It is weird.”

Jonathan was shocked. “Yeah?”

“It keeps being weird.” Billy nodded. He was solemn. He was staring, unseeingly, in front of him as they walked. “Not bad. Weird though.”

Once again, Jonathan was grateful.

Father’s Day was the very next day. Jonathan was content to let it just be a Billy and El thing, but it wasn’t- Joyce joined in readily. Will didn’t seem uncomfortable at all. They all four presented Hop with burgers and pie and attention all while Jonathan stood in the back and felt like an asshole for it. He turned down the offer of a slice of pie. He ignored the records and the card games and the laughter. He felt like a ghoul slinking away to the dark corners of his room.

He liked Hop… he knew he did. He had talked to Billy about him before Joyce and Hop decided to make things official, when it was clear that they were going to become one big weird family. He had asked what Billy thought of Hop, as if he didn’t know the man at all. As if Jim Hopper was a stranger to him. Billy had stuttered and stumbled and used the words “a good dad” and tore right through Jonathan’s heart.

Jonathan laid on his bed, unsure if the staticky feelings in his joints were bitterness or exhaustion or even just… early onset arthritis? He debated putting a tape into his stereo. His limbs had no strength within them. He sighed and thought of the past and wished it didn’t have a grip on him.

A knock came at the door. Jim Hopper walked in.

And Jonathan stared as Hopper spat a flurry of niceties his way, trying his damnedest to say… something. Jonathan wasn’t too sure what exactly. He blinked as Hop spoke circles around himself. Before-

Hop heaved a big sigh.

“Listen to me.” Hop heaved out as if Jonathan had even said a word since Hop walked in. “You and your brother… you kids are a couple of… the best kids ever. I don’t think kids get better than you two. Really you’re… you’re such good kids and you deserve… you deserve.”

Jonathan waited in the silence and thought about being called a “kid” while Hop began to try again.

“I’m sorry. I really shouldn’t be saying this to you but… your old man… he was an asshole.”

And Jonathan huffed out a chuckle- couldn’t keep it inside him. Hop barely seemed to notice.

“A real prick. I never liked that guy, and I just don’t know how you two grew up to be- no, I do. It was your mother. Your father just didn’t know what he had. He never noticed anything good even when it was two inches in front of him.”

Jonathan stared at Hop. Watched how Hop messed nervously with his hair and his collar and the buttons on his shirt.

“He always was a screw up but he screwed up big time when he screwed up here with you two. With you three. He lost something real good here. And maybe I’m the asshole for being glad for it because…”

Jonathan didn’t know where this was going… but he was figuring it out quickly. Hop pressed on.

“I’m glad to be here. Thank y-”

Hop faltered. Jonathan watched. Jonathan had no voice left in him anymore. Hop continued.

“This day is weird. I know it. Trust me. And you don’t have to… you don’t have to… anything. You don’t have to anything!”

Jonathan laughed at how weird of a statement that was. Hop forced himself to continue on.

“I just… don’t know what I’m trying to say. But I’m not… taking it for granted… that I’m here.”

Jonathan blinked. Hop fidgeted.

“I just hope you know that.” Hop said and looked like he was 2 seconds from fleeing and Jonathan watched and couldn’t make sense of any of the swirling feelings in his stomach as he felt his voice bubble up.

“Billy was right.” is what he said. It was Hop’s turn to look speechlessly at him. Jonathan felt his heart pull. Felt everything in him confused and fighting… and something small in him felt like a bit of relief. “You’re a good dad.”

And Hop’s face lit up like a Christmas tree, with an unmistakable wetness shining in his eyes as the star on top, and Jonathan felt stupid for thinking about Santa Claus in June.

…

Father’s day in the Byers-”not quite Wheeler yet but soon” household is stilted and virtually non-existent.

Jonathan has been living in his own place for years now and he still feels like he can’t fill it up all on his own. He thought he’d be beyond ready to finally get out, but once the time came he realized how heavy his feet were. He’s got all his belongings, most of his music (the stuff he didn’t leave behind for Will), a table, a couch, a bed… and still the place feels blousy around him as he walks around it. He’ll be glad to have Nancy as permanent company soon. In a few months, when she’s finally set to move in. Now that they’ve finally both convinced each other that being together is far more worth it than being alone.

And living on his own has made Jonathan feel growing pains he thought he’d long since forgotten. Even though he’s alone, those small, random holidays don’t cease. It’d be so much easier to ignore them than to notice how hollow he feels when they pass. But, whether it be unfortunately or quite the opposite, he can’t ignore Father’s days anymore- even as they roll by in a lazy blur. That first one out of the house almost slipped past him completely, but he forced himself to call home. Call Hop, with butterflies winging at his heart. He wished him well and sent his thanks in roundabout ways that still felt cottony in his mouth. Hop fumbled over his own emotions, too, so all was well.

Then he heard that Billy and Steve decided to adopt.

He spent that whole afternoon sitting on his couch, zoning out to the television, thinking about that and what it means. When he made his monthly call to the Harrington/Hargrove residence, he asked them what it’s like. He tried to make it casual, like he was only just vaguely interested. Billy sounded tired. Suddenly there was screaming in the background. Jonathan got handed off to Steve because apparently Billy is the one that has to handle it. Again, he asked what it’s like… and this time, Jonathan could hear it. Steve Harrington and the loverboy that he is had honey in his tone. As the screaming quieted down, Steve surprisingly used the simplest words to explain what it’s like to feel the entire Earth’s joy and love in your heart.

Jonathan still felt dizzy with it after he sent his goodbyes and ended the call.

So June is here and Father’s Day rolls by quickly, as always, except this year he’s getting company. Not Nancy yet, but Billy. He’s got some work trip out near where Jonathan is at and he’s agreed to come visit.

On Father’s Day itself, Jonathan calls Hop. They do the song and dance around feelings and how much everything has meant to them. Hop says “Thank you, son.” and Jonathan has to hold his breath at that before he bursts with everything inside of him.

It’s a few days later when Billy comes by, barging into Jonathan’s apartment as soon as he gets to the door with a case of beers and a bag, asking if he can crash. Jonathan rolls his eyes as he watches Billy stake claim on the entirety of his couch. Jonathan grabs the tin of weed he left laying around for the two of them and then shoves at Billy until he moves over enough for the both of them to sit down. He hisses as Billy lays his arm around the backrest of the couch and tugs harshly at his hair, just like he always used to do around the house back home. Growing up, Jonathan never once thought about what it’d be like having an older brother. It’s crazy to think that he knows now, even if they’re only about half a year apart. It’s warmer and perhaps a bit more painful than he’d have anticipated.

They lay around and chat, the TV humming with whatever movie Billy mindlessly changed it to and the stereo in the corner tuned to a station Billy didn’t spit at. He’s always needed a good few different distractions at a time. Jonathan rolled the joint they’re sharing, not particularly fond of the way it burns his chest but knowing Billy prefers it most times. It’s nice to be with him again. He fills out a space in a way that’s all consuming, and makes Jonathan feel a little less like a pinball.

And maybe the two of them don’t really do “sentimental”, but Jonathan still feels obligated to say something since Father’s Day just passed. He feels it in his chest, clawing away at him. Plus, he’s got a bit more on his mind this time around…

He tries to make it casual. They do their usual arguing over Nirvana and Radiohead and Pantera and Jonathan quickly slips in a “congratulations”.

“Huh?” Billy grunts around the joint in his mouth. His voice has only gotten gruffer as they’ve gotten older.

“Happy Father’s day-” Jonathan tries again before getting cut off.

“You’re late to the game, champ.”

Jonathan rolls his eyes, grabbing the joint quickly when Billy offers it up.

“Alright, then I take it back.”

“Good.” Billy’s still got a grin like a shark, but it’s softened a bit with the years added to his face. Billy stretches out long like a bored cat on his seat on the couch. “I expect two next year, though.”

“You’re an asshole.” Jonathan chuckles and yet groans simultaneously- a sound he’s mastered with Billy’s presence in his life.

“And you’re wrong about Pantera, listen to me-”

Jonathan lets it all slide. They continue to just talk, catch up on life, continue jokes they’ve had running since they were teenagers. Jonathan brings out more weed because he originally thought Billy was going to have to drive back to a hotel tonight. Billy burns through a couple of beers and laughs at the way Jonathan still winces at the taste- can barely finish half a can. Billy says “was gonna ask you if there’s something fun to do around the city but I think I’d rather stay in. Can’t believe the kid has made me boring-” over their Chinese take-out that they’ve ordered because “I’ve been craving this shit for months. The little tyke refuses to touch the stuff and we’re sick of making separate chicken nuggets for him.”

And Jonathan thinks he’s going to snap in half.

He can’t handle himself. He’s falling into too many thoughts that are eating away at everything inside of him and he can’t put words to any of them but he has to try now that Billy is here. Now that Billy keeps bringing him up, can’t seem to get the kid off of his mind either. Can’t help but mumble about how appreciative he is to watch a gory movie again because “we’ve gotta be mindful of the little buster, so we don’t scar him for life or something” and Jonathan is filled to the brim with everything he wants to say.

“So…” He starts, lamely. Billy looks over to him, chow mein hanging from his mouth still, eyes expectant and suddenly Jonathan loses every word he’s ever known. “Uh… babies?”

Billy slurps up the chow mein noodle.

“Uh… yeah?” Billy says, just as lamely, confusion painting his face. “What about them?”

Jonathan somehow didn’t think he’d be able to get this far. “What’s it… like?”

Billy stares. He blinks. Then he barks out a loud, booming laugh- and Jonathan might be dramatic, but he could swear it shakes his apartment.

“What are you talking about, Jonny?” Billy looks at him like he’s got at least three heads on his shoulders and if Jonathan wasn’t so sure he’d lose in a heartbeat, he might try to wrestle Billy off the couch.

“Your kid! Your… and… babies... and-”

“Is it the weed?” Billy asks, about a step away from sounding genuinely concerned. “Am I witnessing the day Jonathan Byers actually can’t handle his weed?”

“You’re never going to stop being a pain, are you?” Jonathan grunts, reaching for his cider that he opted for after giving up on the beer Billy brought.

Billy laughs at him, like he always does, but it’s never as poisonous as it seems. “And you’re never gonna stop being embarrassing! Now, what are you saying to me? Are you getting baby fever or something?”

There’s a pause and… yeah, maybe Jonathan never thought of it like that but… maybe? He looks at Billy with wide eyes, very sure that his face is betraying him by showcasing just how scared he is to be having this conversation.

Billy’s eyes widen too, with realization and understanding. “Oh my god, you totally are.”

Jonathan wants more than anything to be able to deny it, but there’s no way to. He suddenly feels like maybe hiding his face is better.

“It’s not… like that-” He tries and fails, face suddenly burning and Billy is laughing that loud, obnoxious laugh again as he knocks into Jonathan’s shoulder and sends bits of food flying out of his container. “I just…”

“Just what? You been cooing over babies in the street, buddy?” Billy is cooing at him, talking to him like he’s a kid and Jonathan truly is going to find some way to injure him.

“Shut up, I’m just asking… what’s it like?”

“What, having a baby?”

“Yeah.” Jonathan wants to busy himself with food like Billy is, but suddenly he feels he can’t stomach it.

“Wouldn’t know, dude.”

“What’s that mean?” Jonathan asks, about ready to shake Billy senseless. “You’ve got a kid-”

“Yeah, and he was a toddler already when we got him. I don’t know about babies.” Billy emphasizes, giving a little shrug along with it as he shovels more food into his mouth. Jonathan had forgotten about that part… he supposes that’s right. “What are you asking me for, anyway? Aren’t you the one that’s been an older brother like… forever?”

Jonathan huffs at that.

“You’re an older brother too, y’know.”

“Yeah, I got Max when she was like, seven!” Billy clarifies loudly. He sounds incredulous, with a look to match as he turns to Jonathan. “And El when she was, what, 12? Will when he was like 13 then you when you were fucking seventeen, I don’t know what the hell you think I know about babies.”

Jonathan takes a big swig from his cider, head aching from having to have this conversation. He should have just kept this to himself… he just…

“I was just asking. I’m just… and Will isn’t my-” He’s not sure how to say it. How to get the words out to where they make sense. “He’s not… I’m not...”

They live and die inside of him.

Billy is still looking at him, but far too intently now. Jonathan can feel his gaze on the side of his face.

“I mean, he kind of is, right?” Billy starts, voice suddenly too soft for Jonathan to be able to think straight. He says it like he knew what Jonathan was thinking about- knew what Jonathan couldn’t say. Jonathan hates when that happens. “Weren’t you… always kind of like… the dad? In all that?”

And Jonathan thinks he might just break, hearing that. Sometimes he forgets how much Billy knows. He’s not sure what he’s meant to say to that. He can’t say he never thought about it that way when he was 12 and cooking meals for all 3 of them. When he tried one summer to get a job out of town- biked himself all the way out of Hawkins to the first place he could lie to about being old enough to work. Because his mom didn’t want him to yet so he couldn’t stay in town where everyone either knew him or knew his mother. All those years he changed diapers and bottle fed Will and taught him his ABC’s or read to him before bed.

 Is that what fatherhood is?

Jonathan doesn’t like to count those years, because if he does then he just gets sad. He doesn’t like to count those as parenting because then he’s forced to realize how much of his childhood was lost on him. Lost to that. He doesn’t like to think of it that way, he loves Will more than anything in his life and he’d do it again in a heartbeat, but…

“Honestly,” Billy sounds so quiet still. Jonathan is amazed at how quiet Billy can get. “I thought you’d never want kids after all that.”

Jonathan thought so too. He wasn’t ready to feel this way.

They sit in silence for a while. Jonathan tries to speak again but Billy cuts him off by shoving a container of food at him and just grunting out a commanding “Eat.”

Jonathan takes it. Stabs his fork through the container without really eating. Billy groans at him.

“God, quit playing with your food? You’re worse than my kid.”

Jonathan’s heart feels like it wants to tug out of him. He concedes to eat, and they do so with virtual silence between them- only the white noise of the TV and the radio and the street underneath them as their background.

Jonathan gets more than halfway through his takeout container before he tries again.

“Why?” He asks, like it means anything. Billy just raises an eyebrow at him. “Why did you decide to have kids?”

Billy pauses- seems to take the time to really think. “... because we wanted to up the difficulty in our life?” is what he ends up saying and Jonathan can’t hold in his scoff. “I don’t know.” Billy finishes with uncertainty and a bit of a laugh.

“I just… can’t think of any reason for me to be a father that doesn’t feel so fucking selfish.” Jonathan forces it out of himself, already feeling self-important just for mentioning it.

He just hasn’t been able to make sense of it. He’s been wrestling with it for too long now- this sudden want in him to have kids.

He spent most of his life dedicated to a kid. He’s almost grown a hatred for being in charge, which is why he loves how sure Nancy seems to be of everything. She can take the reins, and he feels a sense of calm at not always having to drive the helm. But… maybe baby fever is the right word? He sees lots of kids on the street here with their parents. Kids smiling and laughing. He passes by a school on his walk to work and watches them get dropped off. The joy in their faces. He remembers being a kid. Remembers what it was like, to feel all those pains of growing up. Figuring out the world, for all the good and bad that lies within it. He remembers feeling pain, and seeing it in Will’s face, too.

He remembers how hard it was to be a kid in his situation. When he heard Billy and Steve were adopting, he thought about what those two were doing for that kid. What they meant to that kid. He thought about Hop…

“Not that you two are selfish!” Jonathan remedies quickly, realizing exactly what he just said. “You’re literally the exact opposite of selfish. You’re helping that boy… way more than I think you even realize.”

He almost envies it sometimes. For as exhausting as it was to do all he did, he almost misses helping out around the house. Helping his mother and helping Will. Sometimes, being here and all alone, he realizes how little he’s really doing. He misses being helpful… but then he wonders if perhaps he just misses feeling useful. He wants to do right by somebody, but does he just want to feel good? He doesn’t want to use another human life just to reassure himself. And he’d loathe to bring a child into this world just to test out if it’s some grand calling and then find himself feeling burdened. He doesn’t want to put a kid in the position of feeling like a burden.

He thinks about how they’ve adopted. How many kids there are out there who weren’t fortunate enough to have someone willing or able to care for them.

“I dunno, should I do that too?” He wonders out loud, mind stuck on adoption. “I don’t think I care if they look like me. Should I care if they look like me?”

Billy shrugs, brows a little furrowed. “I don’t think so, but aren’t normal people supposed to get like… revved up for that sort of thing?”

“Weird word choice there, pal.” Jonathan scrunches his nose up.

“You know what I mean.”

Jonathan guesses he does. He thinks of Nancy, because truthfully he’s not alone in this. He thinks of the way Nancy has always vehemently rebelled against what everyone expects of her. She always said she doesn’t want the nuclear family her parents forced upon themselves. He knows the struggles she’s had with all of that. And she would hold Jonathan sometimes too, on days where his anxiety would peak, and tell him that he didn’t have to put so much on his shoulders. He didn’t have to worry about the weight of everyone’s lives like that.

But maybe he wants to worry about something? Maybe he misses it, maybe he wants to help, maybe-

“Do you think it’d be easier to get Nancy to agree to that?” He’s still wondering aloud, still thinking of adoption. “It’d probably piss off her parents, and I bet she’d be happy about that… and should I think about my own mom? Does she want grandkids-”

“Joyce is just happy when she hears you’ve left the house.”

“Ha ha.” Jonathan deadpans as Billy chuckles. “I just… I don’t care if they come from me. I think I just want to help a little kid who was like me. Help someone feel understood-”

“Oh yeah, real selfish.” Billy scoffs, crunching on his fortune cookie, the paper inside discarded on the table along with the wrapper.

Jonathan sputters. “I’m serious! Is it- am I being-?”

“C’mon, Jonny boy.” Billy levels with him, looking about ready to slap Jonathan out of it if given even half the chance to. “You don’t know selfish. You’ve never known selfish a day in your life.”

And maybe that breaks Jonathan’s heart, too. He can’t think about that either.

“Well…” Jonathan tries, one final time, to get anything out of this other than an aching stomach. “What is it like for you?”

Billy blinks harshly at him. Jonathan presses on.

“I know this is hard for you, too.” Jonathan explains, trying to be understanding. “You’re like me, Billy. We both know that.”

And Jonathan hopes that Billy has aged enough to the point that he won’t run from this. That he won’t get too scared that he bolts away, excusing himself for something he doesn’t need just to evade feelings, like Jonathan always wants to do, too. They really are far too much alike-

“It’s… weird, man. It’s weird. It doesn’t stop… being weird.”

Jonathan remembers being teenagers. Remembers confiding in Billy. Remembers the chill of the grocery store. He tries to keep his chuckles quiet and to himself as Billy continues.

“Honestly, I don’t even feel like a dad yet.”

“What are you talking about? You are a dad-”

“Yeah, but people see our kid and he doesn’t look like us and they… people are idiots about it. Plus sometimes it feels like we didn’t even raise him. Or like we’re just playing house.”

Jonathan watches Billy rise and fall inside his own mind. He wonders if he should try to console him.

“Sometimes I feel like I’m messing him up every time I open my mouth.”

Jonathan remembers feeling like that with Will. The first time he ever made Will cry. Back when he was going through his awkward teenage phase and he had to push all his own emotions down to be a good role model. It hurt. It was far too difficult.

“I’m sure you’re not.” Jonathan tries to console, scooching just a millimeter closer to Billy. “I’m sure the worst you’re doing is exposing him to shitty music.”

That makes Billy laugh, but it also earns Jonathan a rough shove and a promise of “I’ll end, you, Jonny.”

“I dunno, all of it is hard.” Billy continues on with a sigh. He’s rubbing his palms together, and then anxiously picking at his jeans like he always did growing up. “He’s like a little puzzle we haven’t figured out yet. But I never question if it was worth it or not. And when he smiles, and I’m the reason… I don’t think there’s anything better than that.”

And Jonathan gets a front row seat to watch the smile that melts onto Billy’s face- like all is right with the world suddenly. Like there’s nothing that could ever taint what he’s feeling right at this moment. Jonathan thinks about how casually Billy mentions his son, even at what seems to be the most random times, and how much it plays with his heart.

Jonathan sees Billy relax in a way he’s not sure he’s ever seen before, and he thinks maybe he’s ready to figure out for himself exactly what a father is.

#jonathan byers #billy hargrove #jim hopper #lonnie byers #found family #stranger things #angst #emotional hurt comfort #fic #father's day #i know people don't necessarily like jonathan... #but this is where i come out not only as a jonathan apologist but a jonathan lover #no i don't support EVERYTHING he's done but we know better than most that the duffers are creepy idiots #who used their characters to relive high school (not so) glory days #i see a sad boy who loves his family more than anything and had to give up a lot of his childhood bc he felt he had to support them #that's it! that's all no more defending myself lmao! #i just also really like Billy and Jonathan being unlikely friends and brothers now <3 #they are BOTH my boys! #i dunno!!! just think about a young Jonathan interacting with Hop <3 #it's cute I love the byers I just!!! wanna squish em!!!!!!

[coraniaid]

In Season 1's Witch Buffy insists on defending Amy's apparent use of magic, even when she thinks she's been cursed by a life-threatening spell that Amy cast on her. "It's not Amy's fault," Buffy tells her friends, "She only became a witch to survive her mother".

This is an interesting moment for a couple of reasons. It's one of the last few times on the show that anybody will stand up for Amy Madison, a character who, despite going through multiple horrific experiences through the course of the show, is treated with considerably less sympathy or respect than .... well, take your pick, honestly: I'm not sure I can think of a recurring character the show consistently has less empathy for. But also, of course, Buffy is factually wrong: it wasn't Amy who cast a spell on her at all, but rather her mother Catherine who, we later learn, used magic to steal her daughter's body "a few months ago" and imprisoned her in own home in an attempt to relive her own high school glory days.

But it's also, I think, a possible bit of unintentional foreshadowing. Later on in the show, Amy will go on to become a witch. Not just any witch but, by the standards the show will later adopt, a surprisingly powerful one: already by her second appearance Amy seems to be able to cast spells that the Willow Rosenberg of Season 3 and 4 would have struggled with (the turning people into a rat and back one in particular), and Willow is clearly meant to be some sort of prodigy.

The show never bothers to ask how or why this happened. Amy presumably had access to her mother's old spell books (in the same way Willow was initially teaching herself from Jenny Calendar's notes), but until some point in Season 3, when she starts doing magic with Willow and Michael, Amy doesn't seem to have had any one else helping her. (Although one slightly depressing possibility raised -- I think unintentionally -- by Season 6 is that Amy was already going to see Rack as early as the high school seasons: how else would she know how to find him in Wrecked only days after being turned back into a human and after having been trapped in the form of a rat since Season 3's Gingerbread?).

But, again, why is Amy doing this? We know a lot about why Willow wants to become a witch. We can guess why Tara -- whose own relationship with her mother is almost the exact opposite of Amy's -- became a witch. What about Amy herself? What is her motive? There are much easier ways to cheat on tests, surely. Are we supposed to assume that being an evil witch is hereditary or something? (Certainly the show hadn't quite yet decided what it wanted witchcraft to be a metaphor for, for all that Amy's second appearance literally begins with her asking Willow if she's planning to attend the school's Valentine Dance.)

Well, consider how Witch ends. Buffy and Catherine are fighting, Catherine casts a spell to ensure that Amy "never makes trouble again", the spell backfires and Catherine vanishes. The audience know what happen to her, but none of the characters ever find out ("There's been no sign of her?" Buffy asks Amy after she's got her own body back.) Maybe Amy wasn't quite as confident about not having to worry about her mother anymore as she claims to be. Maybe she was worried that her new idyllic life with her father wouldn't last for long (and... well, it doesn't). Maybe she was afraid about what would happen to her if her mother ever came back looking for revenge and Amy still wasn't strong enough to defend herself.

So maybe Buffy was right after all. Maybe Amy did become a witch to survive her mother.

#btvs #apropos my last post I don't think this reading is in any way intended by the writers who obviously gave Amy almost no thought at all

[teenwolffan6]

Sterek should have been endgame and Scott needed to be less of a dick.

I wish the writers would stop using Derek as the punching bag. Like I get he was an angry asshole at the start but can you blame him after all that he went through? He should have had a character growth arc and given the chance to be a better alpha instead of making him give it up. I get the symbolism of giving up the power but he should have gotten it back. And we should have seen more of his full shift than what we got. Like the Hales were special because of the full shift and we only see it once? Also he should have gotten his family land back, like it's been in his family for years and he's lost enough he shouldn't have let the county take his land that was fucked up. Even if he never rebuilt, he could have tore the remains down and put up a marker or a tree or something to show they were there and what happened. But to let it become new housing was just fucked up.

I would have like to see Derek and Scott be co-alphas and lead the pack together. They could have had a batman and superman friendship with one of them being broody and the other being hopeful and optimistic.

Stiles should have had magic. I know Dylan O'Brien said he didn't want Stiles to have magic and just be human but come on, he would have been badass at it.

I was never a big fan of Stiles and Lydia because it felt like he was more in love with the image he had of her than of her. Yes he got to know the real Lydia and they fell in love but I still didn't really like it. He was too obsessed with her it felt like he just wore her down or something idk. I know that Dylan said in an interview that Stiles and Lydia would have dated for a while but then realized they were better of as friends, and this was years before the movie came out.

And OMG the movie what the shit was that!?!?!? For all that Scott said he would be the alpha and defend Beacon Hill he left the town for years and still left at the end of the movie. Derek, Peter, Malia, and Jordan are really the only supernaturals left to defend the town. The Hales are the ones protecting their territory. And did they really have to kill Derek in the way they did it. Like fire really? REALLY!?!? And in front of his sixteen year old son. Derek lost his family at sixteen to a fire and now his son Eli loses his dad to a fire at sixteen? Really!?!? Like I hated it, I hated that the whole movie felt like Scott was just reliving his high school glory days. I hate that's Scott got his happy ending at the expense of Derek's life. Derek was good, he was happy with his son, had a home, a good business, was respect in the community, had a good relationship with the remainder of his family and you kill him off? And then hint at the fact that Scott would be the one to 'adopt' Eli, a kid he barely knew, just so that he and Allison could play house and be a happy little family? BULLSHIT!!!!

I read somewhere that Jeff wanted the show to end with Scott and Allison together and Stiles and Lydia together and that their kids would all be best friends. But with Crystal Reed leaving in season 3 that changed things. The movie felt like his way of getting that ending he wanted but Dylan not returning changed things again. But at least Scott got Allison back, so yay? Don't get me wrong I loved Scott and Allison together but Scott was so obsessed with her to the point that he would throw anyone but his mom under the bus for her. And it got annoying very fast even worse was the fact that he didn't really learn anything from it he has just as obsessed with Kira (though maybe not to the same level). The whole bros before hoes thing was non existent for him. I get Scott was supposed to be like a King Arthur kind of figure, you know? Special, good leader, kind, and legendary but Scott was not it. Yea he had his moments where he was really good but he had so many where he wasn't and he never seemed to learn and grow. Like even the BBC Merlin Arthur who started out as a jerk became honorable, just, and a good leader, yea he too had his moments where he regressed but it was still better than Scott.

They should have fixed his relationship with Derek maybe then him taking Eli in would have made more sense. Like Scott hated Derek a lot ,more so than necessary. Yes Derek lied to get Scott to help him take down the alpha (Peter) but Scott acted like Derek was he one who bit him. Scott forgave so many others who had done far worse (deucalion?) But Derek was where he drew the line? Why because he bit three others who chose the bite? I get him being mad about the lies, I get him being mad about Derek's attitude while on the alpha power trip but come on sometimes Scott was just a dick. He was willing to look the other way when Victoria tried to kill him and was ok with keeping quiet about why Derek bit Victoria and let Allison hate derek and attack his pack because he didn't want to cause problems with Allison. No he sucks. We could have had an epic friendship between them but no we got something half-assed and I hate it.

And why the hell did they make Derek basically a True Alpha like two seconds before he died like what the FUCK!?!?!?

I just wished the would have given Scott some character development instead of just making him more powerful.

#sterek #derek hale #teen wolf #stiles stilinski #eli hale #scott mccall

[fanfics4all]

Painless

Request: Yes / No 

Requests are closed <3 Have a nice day/night

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Word count: 3200

Warnings: SCHOOL BOMBING, CURSING, it’s criminal minds so read at your own risk! 

Y/N: Your Name 

PLEASE DO NOT STEAL MY WORK, I WORK HARD ON MY FICS AND IT’S NOT COOL TO STEAL SOMEONE ELSE’S WORK! 

If you want to be on the tag list for anything (My series fics, specific character fics, or just all of them) All you have to do is send me an ask and I will add you! 

Masterlist 

(Not my photo, credit to whoever made it!)

Another day at work. Another day of someone dead. I thought as I walked into the office. I saw everyone was already in the round table room and sighed. Another case. I put my stuff down at my desk and walked into the room. I took my seat next to my boyfriend Spencer and gave a smile at everyone. 

“Does anyone remember this picture?” Garcia asked, bringing up a picture of a man and a girl looking distressed. 

“Hotch and I were there. That’s Principal Doug Gavens. We had to drag him to safety.” Rossi said, making everyone look at him. 

“High school bombing in Boise, right?” Emily asked. 

“School shooter and school bomber.” JJ said and it triggered my memory. 

“A kid named Randy Slade shot three students and then set off an I.E.D. in the cafeteria via cell phone, killing himself and thirteen kids total, but not before posting all his plans online.” I said and Garcia nodded. 

“It was one of those “Where were you?” events. My whole campus was glued to the T.V..” JJ said. 

“Last night, Principal Givens was killed by a bomb modeled exactly like the old one.” Garcia said. 

“It feels like the unsub wants to attack the man who kept the school together after the bombing. It’s a pretty symbolic target.” Morgan said. 

“And this week is the tenth anniversary of the massacre.” Hotch said. 

“And today is the first day of a four day event to commemorate the bombing at the school.” Garcia said. 

“Except commemorating it isn’t enough for this unsub.” Emily said. 

“No. He wants to relive it.” Hotch said. We gathered our things and got on the plane. We were all sitting down and going over the case files. 

“Perpetrators of school violence are often sophisticated with their weapons. Randy Slade carried his bomb in his backpack. This guy hid his in Givens’ clock radio.” Spencer said. 

“Yeah, and progressive. Each one tries to top the body count of the one previous.”  

“And they’re loners by default, not by choice. They try to join various social groups, but they get shut out.” JJ said. 

“Randy Slade wasn’t a loner at all.” Hotch said. 

“The family cooperated fully with us. He was a high-functioning psychopath, straight-A student, varsity wrestler, lots of girlfriends.” Rossi said. 

“With an above-average intelligence that made him incredibly resourceful. His explosive of choice was Semtex.” I said looking at the files. 

“It’s found at demolition sites, but it’s held under lock and key.” Spencer said. 

“Which made us consider the possibility of a partner. Never found one.” Rossi said. 

“Slade was too much of a narcissist to share credit. But he was also an impulsive teen, which is what bothers me about this unsub.” Hotch said. 

“His sense of control?” Emily asked. 

“And the end game that he’s working toward.” Hotch answered with a nod. 

“Slade’s pathology revolved around the big kill. This unsub could have done the same if he’d waited for the candlelight vigil.” Hotch added. 

“Which means there’s no blaze of glory fantasy here. This unsub has more bombs made, and he’s savoring the anticipation of his next attack.” Rossi said. After we talked everyone moved to their own spots to think and relax before we had the hard work to do. I sat next to Spencer and smiled at him. 

“This poor town.” I said and he sighed. 

“I know, but the odds are against them in this situation.” He said and I nodded. 

“I know, but that doesn’t mean it sucks any less.” I said and he nodded. 

“It’s a hard thing to deal with.” He said. 

“Yeah…” I sighed. We tried to keep our minds on things that would help us, instead of how much people were hurting right now. 

As soon as we landed we dropped our stuff off at our hotel then split up. Hotch and Rossi went to the station with Emily and Morgan. Spencer, JJ and I went to the crime scene. We walked inside and it was a mess, not shocking though considering what happened. 

“Okay, so the unsub has to be tied to the school somehow, right?” JJ asked. 

“Current student, alumni, family member who lost someone…” I listed off. 

“It could be Slade groupies celebrating his hero. He taped nails to the exterior of the bomb, specifically to rip open flesh. That’s a sadistic detail of Slade’s the unsub copied.” Spencer said. 

“Except he tricked Givens into blowing himself up. A groupie probably wouldn’t show that much self-control.” JJ said. 

“But someone with an ax to grind against the principal would. Maybe he’s a surrogate for the tomenters in high school he can’t punish.” Spencer said. 

“Who were yours?” He asked us. 

“I don’t even remember.” JJ answered. 

“You don’t even remember? Wait, were you one of those mean girls?” Spencer questioned. 

“No.” JJ said. 

“Valedictorian, soccer scholarship, corn-fed, but still a size zero. I think that you might have been a mean girl.” Spencer said. 

“Spence.” I said. 

“I was actually one of the nice girls, even to guys like you.” JJ answered and I shook my head. There was no stopping this now. 

“Guys like me? I’ll have you know that my social standing increased once I started winning at basketball.” Spencer said, I always forget that he coached basketball. 

“Oh yeah? You played basketball?” JJ asked. 

“Actually he coached it.” I answered. 

“You coached it?” She asked. 

“Yeah, I broke down the opposing team’s shooting strategy.” He said. 

“Is that why Morgan kicked you two out of the pool last week?” She asked. 

“Yeah, it took him three rounds to realize we were hustling him.” I answered with a laugh. 

“Huh.” She said and we went back to looking at the crime scene. As soon as we were done looking we got a call about another murder. So we made our way there. The three of us looked around and JJ decided to call Hotch and tell him.

“You’re on speaker JJ.” Hotch answered. 

“So, we might have another one.” She said. 

“Might?” He asked. 

“One of the North Valley alumni was killed in her motel room.” She answered. 

“No bomb or gun this time. Looks like he used his bare hands.” I added. 

“You got a name?” Hotch asked. 

“Chelsea Grant.” Spencer answered. 

The next day Spencer and I returned to the crime scene with Hotch. It was good to come back and look at it with fresh eyes. 

“The unsub crushed Chelsea’s throat so she couldn’t scream, then he pulverized her ribs, sending fragments of bone into her heart.” Spencer said. 

“Principal Givens was high-profile. Chelsea wasn’t. Right now the only thing connecting them is they’re both on the kill list.” Hotch said. 

“A list that Brandon kept secret for ten years, but he was in custody when this happened. So the question is, how did the unsub get the exact same list?” I asked. 

“Well, we ruled out a partner, but not conclusively.” Hotch said. 

“Slade made every part of his plan public. It doesn’t make sense that he would hide a partner.” Spencer said. 

“He didn’t want to share the credit. And this weekend is the partner’s best chance to claim it.” Hotch said. 

“Let’s go back to the station, we have a profile to deliver.” He said and we followed him. 

When we got back to the station we gathered everyone up and we were ready to deliver the profile. 

“Partners of dominant psychopaths are usually submissive, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t be intelligent or that they’re physically weak.” Hotch said. 

“This unsub laid low after the bombing and successfully evaded police and FBI. That took cunning and patience, which he’s exhibiting now with his current murders.” Morgan said. 

“We think he fits the loner profile Slade debunked. He grew up in an abusive home, which kept him from forming the normal social bonds in high school.” JJ said. 

“We interviewed all the outcasts from back then. How did this guy slip through?” Chief Cole asked. 

“Even outcasts eventually form friendships. But this unsub was the outcast the outcasts rejected.” Spencer said. 

“Exactly, he won’t stand out in any capacity, and as a matter of fact, most of his fellow students probably won’t even remember graduating with him.” I said. 

“And that invisibility is what made him attractive to Slade. This partner wouldn’t steal the spotlight.” Rossi said. 

“Slade targeted the cafeteria because most of the names on his list ate there together during fifth period.” Spencer said. 

“So his hatred festered when the names on the list emerged from the cafeteria as media heroes. And now he wants to finish the job that Randy started.” Morgan said. 

“Emotionally, this weekend is more a high school reunion to him than a memorial. We go to reunions to show who we grew up to be. Often that means changing everything about who we were.” Rossi said. 

“Consciously or not, Randy Slade revealed clues as to his partner’s identity when he detonated his bomb. Agent Prentiss will be conducting cognitive interviews to see what the survivors might remember.” Hotch said. We answered a few questions the cops had then went on to try and work out who this guy could be. Emily was with the survivors now working on them. 

“So, as you can see from your board there, this kill list is weirdly similar to high school. 

“Group on is like the popular kids, prom court, football team, dean’s list. The Heathers, if you will.” Garcia said. 

“Kids in Slade’s social circle.” Hotch said. 

“What about number two?” JJ asked. 

“Uh, mmhmm, that would be the kids from the other side of the tracks, 180-degree difference, kids this close to getting kicked out, Stoners, burnouts, mental cases. Chelsea Grant is on this list.” Garcia said. 

“Maybe Slade targeted them because they disgusted him?” JJ asked while Spencer’s phone was ringing. We have been doing a lot of that since we got here. 

“But they didn’t threaten Slade’s sense of superiority. He wouldn’t have even cared about them.” Hotch said as we ignored Spencer’s phone. 

“So maybe the partner put them on the list. They’d be closer to his social status than Slade’s.” I said as Spencer’s phone stopped ringing. 

“Why would the-” Spencer was cut off by his phone ringing again. 

“I’m so sorry.” He said, taking his phone out and hung up. 

“Why would the unsub list kids that he fit in with?” Spencer asked, putting his phone away again. 

“Apparently that’s how this clique worked. The kids in it were meaner to each other than kids on the outside. Garcia, separate out all the kids who got into trouble regularly. Then eliminate the names that the partner put on the list. Now, who’s left that came to the memorial?” Hotch asked. 

“Right. Whoever made the list wouldn’t put their name on it. Uh… sir, I think- I think I’ve got him. His name is Lewis Ramsey.” Garcia said. 

“Where is he?” Hotch asked. 

“Uhh… According to his cell phone he’s at a local bar.” She answered. 

“Send it to Morgan’s phone.” Hotch ordered and called him. Morgan brought him in and him and Hotch started interviewing him. Once they were done they told the rest of us. 

“You buy it?” Emily asked. 

“He fits the profile, and the evidence points to him, but he seems sincere.” Hotch said. 

“He’s not the unsub. He was the partner, but look at how Slade added “All the losers in this Godforsaken school.” This capitalization isn’t an accident. Look.” Spencer said and wrote it on the white board. 

“L-S-R, Lewis Stuart Ramsey.” He said. 

“So Slade named his own partner.” I said. 

“Ironically, Lewis’ marijuana addiction saved his life.” He said with a nod. 

“Well, that puts us back to our original problem. If the unsub isn’t the partner, how did he get his hands on a list that Slade and Lewis kept to themselves?” I asked. 

“The only answer is that part of the profile is wrong. The unsub’s vendetta has nothing to do with the list. Did you get anything from Jerry Holtz?” Hotch asked Emily. 

“Only that he mixed up the cell phones that Slade used. It felt like he was making the story up, but I only had a hunch.” Emily said. 

“We need to find him now. There’s a connection to the victimology that we’re missing. Whatever he’s holding back might be the key.” Hotch said. We found Jerry, but he was dead. He was killed at the school. We made our way there and Emily met us there. 

“Jerry Holtz? How long?” She asked. 

“Less than an hour. Security guard heard the commotion, but the unsub was already gone.” JJ answered. 

“The only people who knew we were doing the cognitive interviews were the other survivors. The unsub must be part of that group.” Emily said. 

“Well, we don’t know that for a fact. He could have been lying in wait.” I said. 

“Look, Hotch wants me to go through the victims’ lives and find the overlaps. We can compare their histories with the unsub’s.” JJ said. 

“What else do we have to go on?” Emily asked, looking at Spencer and I. 

“Spence said the unsub would have broken his hand beating Chelsea to death. Did you notice anyone with a cast on their hand, someone who seemed hurt?” JJ asked. 

“No.” Emily shook her head. 

“I might know why.” Spencer said and we all looked at him. 

“This unsub doesn’t feel pain.” He said. 

“You mean he has pain asymbolia?” I asked and he nodded.

“We need to get back to the station. Spencer told them about his theorie and no one understood what he was saying.  

“In english for the other people in the room.” Morgan asked. 

“There’s a medical condition called pain asymbolia, where patients register harmful stimuli without being bothered by it. They’ve been documented holding their hand over an open flame because their brain doesn’t send pain signals to the central nervous system.” Spencer explained. 

“Sounds pretty rare. You sure the unsub has it?” Rossi asked. 

“The crime scenes prove it. Once Spencer said it, everything clicked. He displayed an unusual level of savagery towards his victims. And consider this, he smashed through a glass display case, but there were no cuts on Jerry. That means he most likely punched through it as a show of force.” I said. 

“Now, the only way the human body could withstand that level of pain is if he couldn’t feel it at all.” Spencer added. 

“It must take a major toll on someone’s emotional development.” Rossi said and Spencer’s phone rang… again. 

“A significant contributor to our sense of empathy is the way we personally experience pain.” Morgan said and Spencer silenced his phone again. 

“And the unsub didn’t develop his sense of empathy because it was cut off. Does every person with Asymbolia have this?” Hotch asked. 

“Actually, most feel empathy just fine, which makes me think the rest of our profile is still accurate. Loner, invisible, outcast, boiling rage- Son of a bitch!” Spencer said, pulling out his ringing cell phone and answered it. I notice Morgan trying to hide a smirk. 

“Hi! This is Dr. Spencer Reid. I actually can come to the phone right now with a very special message that your mother is-” 

“Reid.” Hotch cut him off and he hung up. 

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I don’t know what got into me. Where were we?” He asked, putting his phone away. 

“I’m going to have Garcia check medical records. Uh, what causes Asymbolia?” Hotch asked. 

“Ssss- Severe trauma produces lesions on the insular cortex, usually after a stroke but this unsub’s so young, it’s most likely caused by an external factor.” Spencer said looking at Morgan the whole time. 

“Like a bomb going off next to him?” Rossi asked. 

“Yeah, like a bomb going off next to him.” He repeated at Morgan. Morgan just smirked and Hotch walked off to talk to Garcia. 

“I will crush you.” Spencer whispered. 

“What?” Morgan asked. 

“What?” Spencer repeated and walked off. I looked at Rossi and shook my head with a smirk. 

“You two are seriously pranking each other while on a case?” I asked and Morgan just smiled. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He said and I shook my head again. I swear these two… 

JJ and Emily came by a little later with some new information. JJ was rearranging some pictures on the board. We looked on with confusion. 

“Recognize the top ten?” JJ asked. 

“No.” Hotch answered. 

“They were the students that went in front of the cameras after the bombing.” She answered. 

“I thought all the surviving students were interviewed?” I asked.

“After the initial aftermath, yes, but these are the kids that went on talk shows, traveled to other schools. My guess is that they didn’t self-select who made the cut.” JJ said. 

“Principal Givens did.” Hotch said. 

“That’s why the unsub killed him first. He was an outcast who wanted to fit in. Being a survivor should have been his golden ticket.” She said. 

“But he was excluded again, and that’s why he’s killing them.” I said. 

“Yeah. The rules of high school never changed, not even after a tragedy.” JJ said. Hotch’s phone rang and he put it on speaker. 

“Go ahead, Garcia.” He said. 

“Hey, listen up. I crossed-referenced student files with medical records. Now, there were six kids that were knocked unconscious in that blast, but only one fit the outcast profile. His name is Robert Adams, and he just used his credit card at a local restaurant, the address of which I just sent you right now.” She said. 

“I’m on my way.” Hotch said looking at us. Hotch gathered everyone up and JJ and I stayed back. When they came back Robert wasn’t with them. Hotch had to shoot him, there was no other way this was going to end. Once we got everything sorted we got on the plane to go home. I was sitting next to Spencer, who was resting his head on my shoulder while I read a book. We were sitting across from Morgan and Emily, Morgan was listening to music and Emily was reading a paper. He took his headphones off and we heard Spencer screaming from them. 

“Okay, kid, that was cute. But that’s all you got?” Morgan asked him, he was very clearly pretending to be asleep. Morgan’s cell ran and he answered it. 

“Hey baby girl-” He was cut off by Spencer screaming coming through his phone. Spencer had a smile on his face and Rossi held up a white napkin. 

“Uh-uh. Alright, Reid, it’s on. Just know that paybacks are a bitch.” Morgan said. Spencer just responded with snoring. I shook my head at the two of them. 

“You started this Morgan, it’s your own fault.” I said with a slight laugh. 

“Of course you’re taking his side, Y/N.” He rolled his eyes. 

“Well I am dating him, so yes I’m taking his side.” I said and Rossi chuckled. 

Tag list: @les-bio-lie @tashy-bear @ashwarren32 @hollie-blogs @schisbro87 @lover-of-books-and-teas @nerdygaloresposts @teenwolfbitches2 @genius2050 @drw0301bieber @softgamerking @lady-of-lies @simonsbluee @ravenmoore14 @maynardqueen101 @pettyjayy​ @reidssmile​ @currentfangirl-futuremedexaminer 

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[abdifarah]

Bloody

There was never a time when Spike Lee wasn’t Spike Lee to me. I seem to remember being born with images from his movies pre-installed on my mental harddrive. School Daze, one of the first few VHS’s in our house, was a favorite of my mom, and seemed to always be on in the background. Watching it recently, I had a this is water realization: “This is a musical?!” The movie’s mechanics and construction were so overly familiar as to be invisible. 

I love Spike Lee the way Americans love Jesus. More than any particular film (He Got Game, Do the Right Thing, and Malcolm X are three favs), I love everything Lee represents, has represented, and what I’m sure he will continue to represent. I knew even before instagram was invented that he would be great at it. And I am sure whatever mechanism comes next that facilitates a creator’s connection to their audience, Spike will embrace and master it like a surfer to the waves. Spike is always Spike, which probably facilitates his uncanny ability to appear comfortable in many worlds, from high art auteur filmmaking, to pop culture fare, to sports documentaries to political commentary. He is unapologetically ambitious, unapologetically confident, unapologetically black; a trio that America works hard to keep separate. He believes in the imperative of his movies and will do anything–hawking merch, launching a Kickstarter, starring in Capital One commercials–to get them made. 

Spike’s work is not just black, but majestically black, sophisticatedly black, dangerously black. This man made Bamboozled, a movie about a television exec that makes a modern day minstrel show! There are obviously a small handful of other successful and busy black filmmakers, namely Tyler Perry and Lee Daniels. Their movies do the necessary, but not-that-interesting work of simply putting blackness front and center. But the vision of blackness of Daniels or Perry has always felt like it was for someone other than me; someone either less black or less smart. Spike’s films, while often informative, never preach or pander. They assume a black outlook as a given and not an oddity. His films are challenging and do not often resolve with easy lessons. They incorporate the broad history of film and culture and do very little to catch the audience up. It is his way of showing respect to us as viewers.

Even when I do not like a Spike Lee Joint, I always admire the chutzpah, which for me is higher praise than simply liking or enjoying a work of art. Spike will go down as one of the most prolific filmmakers. He prides himself on his goal of producing a major work annually, as opposed to many of his contemporaries like Paul Thomas Anderson or Quentin Tarantino who move at a more leisurely clip. I wonder if Spike’s breakneck pace emanates from a conscious or subconscious fear of being forgotten, and having the door closed on him; ending up like so many other promising directors of color or women directors that after successful early work find it harder and harder to secure funds and get new projects greenlit. Spike has spoken candidly of the trouble he has getting movies produced, even as a celebrity director. While historically impressed by the amount of output, I now wish Spike Lee felt the freedom and permission to slow down.

Da 5 Bloods has so much in it that I love, and multiple scenes that I found genuinely moving, but this is a mess of a movie. For a film about finding buried treasure, Lee seems to be unaware of how much gold he’s sitting on. The movie undertakes the meaty premise of having four older black Vietnam veterans return to the site that indelibly changed them, mostly for the worse, to find the remains of their inspiring troop leader, Stormin’ Normin’, and a chest of gold bullion boosted from a crashed plane and hidden in the deep jungle. They returned to America after the war broken by what they saw and unable to partake of the freedoms they supposedly fought for, but like all black folks attempted to make the most of this reality. Their meeting in Vietnam is a college reunion of sorts, if you went to college to major war atrocities, and ptsd. Like any good reunion plot, each man has their post-war war stories; divorces, estranged kids, bad breaks, bankruptcies. 

They are different, almost unrecognizable to each other. Delroy Lindo’s, Paul, once a black militant, is a Maga hat wearing Trump supporter, but they are all family still. I could have watched these dialogues amongst black men who lived through civil rights, survived Vietnam, but are still fighting their own private wars all night. I wanted to stay in this movie. But about halfway through the tone of the movie shifts and whatever this movie was supposed to be about tragically steps on a landmine. The movie changes from a subtle portrait of these GI’s, their relationships to each other, and their quest to lay to rest the ghosts of the past, and becomes a gory shoot-em-up and basic-bitch heist movie, albeit with some still compelling scenes dripped in, mostly involving Paul. 

In New Orleans you can often see a big storm rolling in from miles away. The writhing clouds, tinged with the primordial reds and purples of sundown and coursing with whip snaps of lightning, mesmerize to the point where you forget you’re about to get drenched. Delroy Lindo’s performance similarly entrances as he descends like King Lear into paranoia and madness, enroute to self-sabotaging the mission and his relationship with his fellow soldiers and his doting son, who has stowed away on the excursion. Spike Lee’s casting has always indicted the rest of Hollywood, by highlighting the black actors and other actors with looks were deemed too “ethic” or too “this” or too “that”, but who have more chop in one of their nostrils than many on the A-list could muster sitting on each other’s shoulders. Why is Lindo not considered one of our great actors? 

While some of the creative and plot choices can be forgiven as artistic liberty, the depiction of the actual Vietnamese people in the movie is hard to justify. Other than a compelling cinematic portrait of the historical figure Hanoi Hannah whose radio broadcasts entertained and taunted American soldiers during the war, the other Vietnamese characters in the movie are pretty flat at best and ugly stereotypes at the other extreme. One of Lee’s perpetual explorations across all of his movies has been the destructive violence of racial stereotypes. Do the Right Thing ends when Police indiscriminately kill Radio Raheem, perceiving the imposing black man as only a threat and not a beloved community member and human worthy of dignity and protection. Blackkklansman presents us with a black man who is also a cop and all of the complexity that entails. Strangely, Lee regurgitates the worst stereotypes of the Viet-Cong in the group of Vietnamese mercenaries serving at the behest of bloated Jean Reno’s french gangster (and Donald Trump surrogate?) who ambush Da Bloods for their gold, leading to the films Tarantino-esque bloodbath ending. The climactic scene which sees Da Bloods, like retired athletes, reliving their glory days as soldiers by extension glorifies the Vietnam conflict and the killing of the Vietnamese, which is disappointing and sad. For a director that for decades avoided tidy popcorn conclusions, this film and his previous outing, Blackkklansman, basically end in good guy vs. bad guy gunfights. 

Da 5 Bloods should have been Girls Trip but with Vietnam vets; former friends with divergent lives butting heads and ultimately reconnecting; learning from while burying the past. There’s a strange moment in Da 5 Bloods before the movie breaks bad when the gang finds a pistol hidden by Clarke Peter’s character, Otis, the ostensible leader of the adventure. For battle worn vets they seem weirdly squeamish at the thought that one of them is packing. These astute Spike Lee characters, knowledgeable of movie and theater orthodoxy, understand that if a gun appears, at some point it's going to go off. Perhaps they, like me, were lamenting the inevitable end of the more dynamic and challenging first half of the movie. Maybe through them Spike Lee is voicing his own reservations about the pending violence of the film. Either way, Spike, like Otis, shouldn't have brought the gun.

#Da 5 Bloods #Spike Lee #Movies

[homenum-revelio-hq]

Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix, Charly!

You have been accepted for the role of non-biography character GIDEON PREWETT with the faceclaim of Sam Heughan! We really enjoyed your discussion of Gideon’s personality, especially in relationship in the differences between Gideon and Fabian! We think Gideon’s level-headed outlook will be a great addition to the Order. We are so excited to have you as part of this roleplay!

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours! Thank you for joining the fight against Voldemort!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME: Charly (he/him)

AGE: 27

TIMEZONE: GMT+1

ACTIVITY LEVEL: I will usually find time to be online and do replies once a day, or at least every other day. I work full time atm and sometimes have activities on the weekends but I always do my best to maintain a steady activity

ANYTHING ELSE: I’m not the biggest fan of images of hardcore gore. Descriptions are fine, I just don’t like to see it. Not really a trigger, though, more like a strong squick I guess.

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Gideon Prewett

AGE: 30 (which is I think what was put down by Fabian’s mun and which I’ll go with as well, considering they’re twins)

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: 

Cis-male, he/him, bisexual. – His own gender identity isn’t something Gideon thinks about a lot. He’s always felt comfortable as a man. He is aware of the imbalance of power and influence between genders that many in his society view as natural and even necessary.He’s aware that he has definitely won the privilege lottery and tries to be mindful of it. But he is very sure of his gender identity and very comfortable the way he is.

His sexuality isn’t exactly a secret, at least he’s never made an effort to hide it. However, he also never actually came out to anyone. He only assumed people knew and if they had an issue with who he chose to go out with, they’d tell him directly. He’s had very few relationships in his life – he’s dated exactly one woman and one man. Both were relatively long-term relationships and he never treated one of his partners differently than the other. It never occurred to him, that he should have to come out to his family first before introducing them to a partner that wasn’t a woman.

BLOOD STATUS: Pure-Blood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Gryffindor – Gideon ultimately ended up a Gryffindor, if only just because Fabian came first in the alphabet and was therefore sorted before him. When Gideon put on the hat, it took an awfully long time debating whether Gryffindor or Ravenclaw was the better fit for him. In the end, Gideon wasn’t going to be separated from his twin, and asked to be put in Gryffindor.  

ANY CHANGES: None

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY: 

Gideon has always been known as the clever one, the over-achiever, the workaholic. From the moment he was born he was told he was special. The first-born son, the heir. He was never just a child he was the projection of his father’s high expectations. And Gideon, in his eagerness to please, did everything he could to fulfil them all. He was expected to perform exceptionally in school – he did. He was expected to find a well-respected job right out of school and make his father proud – he did. He was expected to always be well-mannered and courteous – he was. Expectations are the common thread in his life and Gideon lives in constant fear of being unable to fulfil them.

If it weren’t for Fabian and his good influence, Gideon would likely be a tight-lipped bore who wouldn’t know fun if it punched him in the face. It was definitely growing up with Fab and his sometimes outrageous ideas that led to Gid not tightening up to become exactly what their father wanted him to be. He’s still the ‘somewhat more responsible twin’ and more level-headed than his brother. After all, someone has to make sure they get out of whatever his brother cooks up alive. But Gideon, too, can let loose. In fact, he himself has been the instigator of trouble more than once during their time at Hogwarts and he has always had quite a talent for pyrotechnics. Yet, he somehow mostly managed to escape the consequences of their trouble-making. After all, he was the good boy.

As the oldest of three taking responsibility for others comes naturally to Gid. He enjoys being a source of safety and comfort to his friends and family and will offer his care to anyone who might need it. Helping others is something he’s good at, accepting or asking for help himself not so much. He’d rather be someone elses anchor than admit that he, too, is struggling. In offering himself up like this, he often takes on more than he can handle and it’s only a matter of time until he has no energy left for himself and it will all become too much to bear.

A lot of Gideon’s personality is exclusively outwardly. He’s learned how to present himself, how to hold his head up high and smile just right so that people believed what he wanted them to. That he is sure of himself, that he has all the answers, that he is unafraid and doesn’t falter. Ever. Gideon has been taught to be a leader, that he should be someone others can look up to and trust. That’s all he wants to represent and yet, most of the time he doesn’t even trust himself.

While he’s generally warm and kind towards his friends, Gideon suffers from haphephobia and will never initiate touch himself. It isn’t something he advertises however so he will bear it and suffer through a hug or a hand touching his own simply for the sake of not appearing callous or impolite. The only people he freely allows and even welcomes touch from are his siblings, young children and occasionally, his father. Those who have known him for a few years now would know that he used to be different, used to freely hug people even if they were only fleeting acquaintances. This change in his demeanour is a more recent one. But whatever has caused it is likely something only Gideon knows.

Gideon is afraid. Afraid of failing, of losing control, of his own inadequacy. He hides it well behind reassuring words and carefree smiles and an off-hand joke or two. But the crippling anxiety keeps him up most nights, thoughts racing and reliving all those brief moments in which he might have made a mistake. Any mistake, small as it may be is a failure on Gideon’s part, a fuck-up that if not immediately resolved, will haunt him for weeks. Everything he does needs to be perfect he needs to be perfect or else everyone he loves will turn away from him.

Conflict and communication isn’t something Gideon is good at. He can be judgmental and rash at times, and has a habit of making other people’s issues his own to the point where he oversteps. And if he’s confronted about his mistakes he recoils and falls silent instead of facing the problem and fixing his mistake with an apology. This, too, comes from a place of fear. Rather than resolving an argument with a conversation, any criticism sends Gideon into another spiral of paralysing anxiety and obsessing over his mistakes. The fact that people are willing to forgive and move on after he finally got himself together enough to apologise baffles him every time.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY: 

Through everything he’s experienced he’s always had Fabian at his side and without him, Gideon is sure he would have drowned long ago. They’re a unity. Most people know them only as GidandFab, not as two separate people even though the twins couldn’t be more different. Fabian may be the only person who can see through all of Gideon’s bullshit and calls him out on it. He’s the only one Gideon will admit his fears too, will admit to being scared at all to. Fabian is the one person Gideon can stand being touched by without his stomach twisting into knots. He’s protective of both his siblings, but Fabian more than anyone else. He is after all his other half. It may be selfish, but Gideon would always put his twin’s safety and well-being before that of any other person no matter who they are. The idea of losing his brother is worse than anything he could ever imagine and with the war, that fear is ever-present.

He has nothing but respect for admiration for his little sister. Molly is the strongest person Gideon knows and oftentimes he wonders how she does it all – the war, being a mother and caring for so many others who need it all while maintaining an energy level that is almost superhuman. More than once he’s offered to move her and her family to a safe location out of the country, at least until the war is finished. But she always refuses. And he really cannot blame her knowing, that he himself would do the exact same thing if their roles were reversed. But it is another heavy load to carry to keep her and her family safe and out of harms way. Gideon knows however, that it would be pointless to argue with her and he respects her wishes.

His relationship with his parents has always been a complicated one. It was easier while his mother was still alive, but he could never shake the feeling that he was treated differently than his siblings. Was granted more privileges but at the same time judged much harsher. He never doubted the love his parents had for him, but especially with his father he often felt like he had a much harder time getting his approval than Fabian or Molly did. Oftentimes, his father’s affection towards him was tied to Gideon’s own achievements and as he grew older, the expectations also got higher and the praise grew sparse. And that, even now as a grown man of 30, is really all Gideon wants – his father’s praise and approval.

But maybe also because he was the oldest, and because his father, despite the glory days of the noble house of Prewett being long forgotten, still held on to those last shreds of their aristocratic origins, Gideon was privy to knowledge and insight into his family’s affairs his siblings weren’t. His father was always honest with him, answering all of Gideon’s many questions truthfully and never sugar-coating how badly their financial situation or the political climate were. While his siblings were blissfully ignorant, Gideon knew just how much harder it was with every passing year to maintain their old family seat. How much his mother worried about money and his father about the looming war.

Gideon wouldn’t have expected it in the least, but his mother’s death brought him and his father closer together. Both of them dealt with their grief on their own and in silence, preferring to look after Fabian and Molly than giving themselves time to heal. In a way, Gideon thinks, his father leaned on him during those first few months, letting Gideon deal with anything that had to be settled - the will, the belongings, even the funeral. They have a silent agreement nowadays, to protect Fabian and Molly first and see that they make it through the war. Even if it’s at the cost of their own lives.

OCCUPATION: 

Unspeakable and Magic Researcher at the Department for Mysteries – Back at Hogwarts Gideon was never satisfied to only repeat a spell until he knew it by heart and perfected the performance, he wanted to know what was underneath. How did it work, who had invented it, where did magic come from? Those were the questions that kept him up and in the library long after most other students had long retired to their common rooms. He wanted to know the origins and mechanics of magic so he could one day be one of the people who invented new spells. Already during his time at school, Gideon started to experiment with words and movements to see if he couldn’t invent some himself. Without the proper training and tutoring however, little of what he attempted was actually successful. Most of the time nothing ever happened. However, there was one incident in which the 6th year boys’ dormitory in the Gryffindor tower almost caught on fire after which Gideon was prohibited from any further unsupervised experimentation.

After graduating Gideon managed to get into a Ministry research program for experimental magic. The first couple of years barely paid him anything but he learned more than he ever had in all his years of Hogwarts together. After completing his training, Gideon worked on a team that created household spells for a while. Not exactly what he’d dreamed of, but it paid the bills. It wasn’t until a year ago that one of his former instructors approached him with an offer: there was to be a new division within the Department of Mysteries and Gideon was to be a part of it. When he heard what exactly this division was researching, Gideon was filled with unease. After all, by this time the war was already raging all around him. And what he was offered was nothing short of a placement as a researcher for the newly created Division for Experimental Magic Warfare. Gideon was uncertain but the higher-ups in the Order were quick to make the decision for him. Gideon was to accept the job. He was to do as he was told and keep his head down. And he was to report back with everything he worked on that appeared suspicious.

It’s a dangerous situation Gideon has gotten himself into. The smallest mistake could raise suspicion, and it’s almost certain that sooner or later he will encounter his own work in the battlefield fired right at him or someone he loves. He can only hope that when that happens, he will be one step ahead.

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER: 

Mid-Level - It wasn’t Gideon who was first approached to join the Order but his brother. Yet, wherever one twin went, the other would soon follow and so they joined together. Gideon was initially much more doubtful than his brother. Unlike Fabian, Gideon never had any dreams of heroism and adventure – he’s much too pragmatic for that. He joined because he was unsatisfied with how the Ministry handled the threat. He believed in a much more offensive and less careful approach and the Order seemed to have the same ideas.

He started out as a simple foot soldier, of little use off the battlefields due to his lack of influence and insight. Only recently has he felt like he’s truly been contributing to the cause as a spy within the Department of Mysteries with access to some of the Ministry’s most secret research. He’s in more danger than he’s ever been before, but it also fills him with a sense of pride. More than anything else he wants to contribute something meaningful, something that might change their outlook on the war.

As someone with a somewhat large family Gideon has everything to lose and he knows that with everything he does and every risk he takes he puts them at risk as well, especially his brother. It makes him only more determined to fight.

Gideon doesn’t mind being a criminal and a vigilante. His involvement in the Order is nothing he’d ever publicly advertise of course, and he keeps his true opinions about how he thinks this war should be fought carefully to himself. But in all honesty, as offensive as they are, they’re still not offensive enough. In these times law or honour don’t matter anymore, only survival and victory. An eye for an eye.

SURVIVAL: 

How is he still alive? Gideon doesn’t know. He shouldn’t be at this point. While he’s always thinking on his toes and carefully calculating his next three steps he’s not one to shy away from the frontlines or stick to the back on the battlefield. He should have died three battles ago. Sometimes he thinks it must be dumb luck. Or his unwillingness to die without his brother by his side. He refuses to go down without him and since Fab is somehow still alive so is he.

In public Gideon keeps his head down. Plays the role of loyal ministry employee and keeps his opinions to himself. It’s what’s wisest and what the Order asked of him to ensure he’d be able to keep this job.

Gideon has a small flat in Central London which he loves dearly as it’s been his first flat ever but he’s appeared on the Death Eaters’ radar one too many times and the longer he procrastinates moving somewhere safer the more dangerous it gets. Still, Gideon needs stability and the idea of moving every couple weeks isn’t one he finds too appealing. Yet he can’t put it off much longer if he wants to continue to stay alive.

RELATIONSHIPS: 

His brother has been and always will be the most important person in Gideon’s life. But neither of them can deny that their relationship has been strained for a while now. Sometimes Gid has a hard time reading his twin. Sometimes he can’t get a hold on him for days on end, throwing him into another spiral full of anxiety and panic and ‘what if something’ s happened’s. He’s well aware of his brother’s self-destructive habits but as of yet unable to take action without greatly invading Fabian’s privacy and breaking his trust. What he can do is to silently watch over him and hope to be able to prevent any greater damages in time. Gideon isn’t an idiot; he knows that he’s co-dependent to the point of potentially suffocating Fabian with his own inability to survive without his twin. And maybe, he tells himself, that inability is even what caused Fab’s drinking in the first place. Nevertheless, he’s determined to fix their relationship – and his brother – so they can go back to the way they had been before the war.

With the majority of his friends Gideon has taken the role of caretaker and substitute big brother. It’s what he knows, what he’s good at, what fuels him. He honestly enjoys being a shoulder to lean on and a source of strength and comfort. His door is always open, and he has an extra set of blankets and fresh sheets ready at all time just in case someone might need a place to stay for a night or more. He’s the kind of friend that will remember you mentioning your favourite brand of biscuits in an off-hand comment and then keep a pack in his cupboard just in case you might decide to visit. And at the same time, he’s the kind of person who knows everything about his friends but at the same time gives little information about himself. He’ll always answer ‘I’m great, thank you’ to a question after his well-being and make it sound honest enough. He rarely reveals more than superficial details of his personal life preferring to keep the focus away from himself in fear of someone digging a little too deep and realising that he is in fact far from the confident, charming man he pretends to be. People need him to be a rock and a safe haven, not just another construction side.

The war has forced them all both closer together and further apart it seems. Trust is dangerous these days, letting anyone too close could hurt you terribly in the best case scenario and get you killed if you’re not careful. And at the same time the trauma of the war has them huddling together and looking for comfort now more than ever. Gideon is almost obsessively cautious about letting new people into his life, but has made a habit of checking up on everyone of his friends and fellow Order members, even those who are just fleeting acquaintances, at least once a week. He keeps track of people, has to know where everyone is to sleep at least a few hours every night. As scattered as they are and with the lifes they’re living, someone has to see that no one���s left behind. It’s a reassurance for himself, and just maybe also for the others to know, that if someone fails to check in, if someone goes missing, he’ll notice.

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS: 

Difficult. Gideon isn’t someone who will just flirt and jump into bed with someone. He needs to feel secure and safe first before he can even start opening up to someone. His last relationships have always crumbled under his inability to share and express his true emotions very well. His aversion to being touched isn’t helping much either. A relationship and someone he can trust and confide in is something Gideon desperately craves. But any attempts at getting closer to someone have always failed in the past few years and it’s weighing hard on him.

In his day to day life Gideon is someone who needs to be in charge always. Not being in control is something that fills him with crippling anxiety. And yet, in a relationship, giving up that control is exactly what seeks. He want’s someone else to take charge and just let him float safely for a bit. But communicating those needs isn’t something he’s ever done before.

I don’t have any anti-ships for Gideon. I will literally ship anything if the chemistry is there and it makes sense. For some reason I do like the idea of him having a bit of a crush on Kingsley Shacklebolt, which is probably simply projecting because I have a crush on Kingsley. He has that calm aura. I think Gideon would be very attracted to that.

WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE? 

Gideon is a white cis-male pure-blood. He’s pretty much as privileged as they come in their society. And while his parents raised him and his siblings with constant reminders that their blood status isn’t worth anything and that it’s their character that defines them as people, they were far from perfect. Growing up Gideon couldn’t help but notice that at least his father treated him differently than his siblings and that being the oldest son but him under more scrutiny but also at a certain advantage. He often wondered if he was taken more seriously simply because he was the first-born.

It was mostly his sister Molly who taught him to think about his own privileges by sharing her own perspective with him and ridiculing him whenever she thought he was acting like a ‘typical man’. He’s grateful for it and tries to be more aware of his own actions and mannerisms but doesn’t always succeed.

He’s wary of werewolves and other shapechangers but only because he knows way too little about them. He doesn’t find them revolting or disgusting, he’s simply careful. If he were to find out about a friend of his being a werewolf, he’d be surprised if not shocked and have a million questions, but ultimately it wouldn’t change anything about them as a person.

Gideon has never had a long enough conversation with a muggle to have anything other than curiosity for their life-style. Again, he doesn’t know enough about them to form an informed opinion. But he knows that killing people simply because of their culture differing from your own is all kinds of wrong and horrible and he will not stand for it.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? 

To be completely honest, I wasn’t actively looking for a roleplay. Amos, who currently plays Fabian, and I used to play the twins for a long time in other rpgs and somehow clicked from the very beginning. He very subtly advertised this rpg to me and told me how great it was which made me curious. After checking it out I really wanted to join because I love the concept a lot and also play Gideon again. What I’m especially looking forward to is the outlook. In Canon marauder rpgs the twins always due of course so you’re ultimately playing a doomed character. This can be great for those of us (and I’m definitely one of these people) who love nothing more than pain and angst. But I found that I’m really excited and curious about playing Gideon with a chance of a future. It gives the whole experience a sense of hope.

PLOT DROP IDEAS: 

My main goal is always character development through the differing relationships Gideon has with other characters. How are the people around him going to influence him, how is he going to influence them? This is very general of course. More specifically, I’d like to see people digging deeper and getting under Gideon’s skin, be it in a positive or negative way. I’d like to undo him.

I’d also like to see how the situation at the Department of Mysteries develops, if Gideon is able to withstand the pressure, if he’s able to continue flying under the radar and gather information without being found out. And I’d like the Order to put more pressure on him, maybe demand more of him as it continues. I want to see how long it takes before he breaks down.

ANYTHING ELSE? I hope you’re on board and want me because this is a really cool place J

EXTRA FOR NON-BIO CHARACTERS:

This section is only if you are applying for a character that does not yet have a biography written (i.e. a character not listed on the character page). Essentially, any Marauders Era character can be applied for, so long as they can realistically fit into the plot and add substance to the roleplay! It may be a good idea to send a message to the main before you do this so we are all on the same page.

PAST: Gideon never doubted that he was lucky. He had a happy childhood, a loving family and, most importantly, a twin. He never quite understood how singletons could function properly but then, they never knew what they were missing either. Growing up Gideon was, in most respects, the epitome of a good boy. He fulfilled most of his parents’ expectations – worked hard in school, got good grades and, as far as they knew, rarely got into trouble. Back then he was carefree, blissfully ignorant of the tension building and the looming war. As he grew older and more aware of the issues so deeply rooted within the society he called his own, he found that he couldn’t just turn his head and pretend not to see the injustice many of his classmates suffered through on a daily basis. Gideon knew he had to use his own privilege to take a stand, he just didn’t know how. As much as he tried to help out and speak up, nothing he did ever felt like it was enough. It wasn’t until his brother was recruited by the Order and simply dragged him along with him, that he found a way to truly make an impact.

PRESENT: After graduating, Gideon’s curiosity and dedication secured him a spot in a training program for magical research and from there on brought him further and deep into the Department of Mysteries where he researches new ways of magic currently unheard of. Every day brings new risks and challenges and the fear of being found out as a spy for the Order is his constant companion. It’s what he wanted, though, isn’t it? He makes a difference. The intelligence he’s gathering is valuable and the research he’s able to do with the resources he wouldn’t have anywhere else could potentially aid the Order in the war. At the same time, he never knows who he’s actually working for. He can feel the pressure of countless expectations and responsibilities piling up and he knows, it’s only a matter of time until he’ll break under the weight.

FC CHOICES: Top choice: Sam Heughan. Other choices: James McAvoy, Sam Claflin

#harry potter rp #harry potter roleplay #harry potter rpg #marauders rp #marauders era rp #homenumaccepted

[animebw]

Binge-Watching: Bloom Into You, Episodes 10-13

In which Touko’s thousand faces begin to crumble, Yuu steps up to the plate, and we end far too soon for comfort. Seriously, if we don’t get a second season at some point I am gonna flip.

The Play’s the Thing

There’s a part of me that wants to be angry at how abruptly my time with Bloom Into You has come to an end. My long-tern viewers will know that I put a lot of stock in the ending, that the way you react to the completion of a journey can reveal more deeply how the entire experience affected you. So for Bloom Into You to close its first season on such a place of anticipation, barely a whisper away from the major character conflicts reaching some sort of major milestone, is by far one of the most frustrating blue balls I’ve had in a while. It’s not even really a cliffhanger ending, it’s just a pause in the action at a moment where the action so desperately doesn’t want to be paused. I was really goddamn into you, show, and you’re just gonna cut me off like that, with not even a temporary sense of closure? Even Kimi ni Todoke’s first season had the decency to reach a clear checkpoint in Sawako and Kazehaya’s emotional journey before leaving us hanging. But on the other hand, considering what a magical experience this show has become, it’s a minor gaffe that would be churlish of me to hold against it. Bloom Into You is a really damn good show, and it’ll take more than the dissatisfaction of wanting to know what comes next immediately to take that away. But seriously, Troyca better announce a season 2 at some point or there are gonna be words.

Aaaand now that’s out of the way, let’s get back to gushing, because good lord this show has just gotten better and better. Admittedly, there’s an element of this finale that was always going to appeal to me as a theater nerd; I acted in pretty much every play I could get myself into over the course of my high school experience, so seeing the student council struggle to put their own play together was a trip down memory lane I’ve wanted to have for a while. Just their initial awkward table read brought back my own memories of everyone dropping their cues and needing a swift elbow to snap them back to attention. And the struggles they face while trying to learn how to project in a large space were so familiar as to be painful. Though even that was nothing compared to whatever mad genius on the subtitle team decided to translate the kids’ diction exercise into ”Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock/ from a cheap and chippy chopper on a big, black block.” I swear, it was like getting stabbed in the eye with a shard from five years ago, in the best way possible. But beyond the base-level thrill of reliving my glory days on stage, what makes this last chunk of episodes hit so hard is that it understands how to use the concept of putting on a play- and the idea of theater in general- to its full effect in aid of the story it’s telling.

Simply put, Bloom Into You is a story about how you perform the character of, well, yourself.

Girl of a Thousand Faces

Ask a million different people what defines you as a person and you’ll likely get a million different answers. Your friends will see you as someone different than your family, who will see you as someone different than your teachers, who will see you as someone different than your romantic partners, and so forth and so on into infinity. You wear a different face for pretty much everyone you know, and all the different ways people see you are just small parts of the nebulous construction that is “you”. It’s an idea that anime’s been exploring all the way back to Neon Genesis Evangelion, which was also centered around the idea of how self-perception is influenced by the ways you internalize the perception of others, how everyone has a different image of you in their mind that forms one aspect of the image you form of yourself (Side note, another things this show draws from Evangelion? Excellent use of trains as metaphor for all things psychological). What Bloom Into You adds to the equation is the knowledge that the masks you wear in the presence of other people can easily be masks of your own creation. You can influence the way certain people see you, place part of yourself front and center in different situations, and shape what aspects of yourself people pay the most attention to. You perform a different side of yourself depending on the situation, but no one side is capable of capturing your entirety.

And it’s there that the student council’s play comes in, with a narrative device so infuriatingly ingenious that I’m going to be forever mad I didn’t come up with it in the first place; the concept of an amnesia patient who wakes up a blank slate, with no knowledge of who they once were except for the masks that everyone remembers of them. Not only is this a great idea for a story about self-identity on its own, but it’s the perfect metatextual device to force Touko into the kind of serious introspection she’s been terrified of allowing herself for so long. Because her entire life has been defined by those masks, by putting on the performance she thought the world wanted to see, by playing the inheritor of her big sister’s legacy to fool everyone into thinking that’s who she really was. She’s buried her true self under a thousand different layers of obfuscation, so much so that her real self is as foreign to her as it is to the character she’s playing. Ironically, it’s only in the moments when she’s performing an entirely separate character that her true self is able to peek through the cracks of how deeply that character speaks to her. That’s a fundamental truth of acting that I always appreciate seeing portrayed; fiction can help you process your reality more effectively than reality itself at times. Hell, that ethos is the entire reason I enjoy writing about fiction so much; the inherent layer of separation can help us make sense of things in our own lives that are hard to process in their original context.

Don’t Love What I Hate

But for Touko, the line between fiction and reality for this part is so blurry that there’s so way to separate those experiences. And if you listened hard enough, you might have heard me sucking air harshly through my teeth for the entirety of every scene in which she was practicing that role, because fuck was that hard to watch. The anger and desperation that comes through her voice isn’t that of the character she’s playing; it’s her anger and desperation, filtered through the fiction in the only way she’s able to process her reality anymore. That’s how completely her own performance of life has closed her off; the character she plays for everyone has become so ever-present that she no longer can comprehend what life might be outside of it. She’s scared of what might happen once this play is over and she’s symbolically put her sister to rest; once she no longer needs to carry that legacy, how the fuck is she supposed to let her real self back in? And the talk with her sister’s former classmate only exacerbates those tensions, because it forces her to confront a truth I touched upon in an earlier post; not even her sister was truly the perfect idol Touko saw her as. She was human, just like anyone else, and the performance she put on for the sake of being a role model to her family and little sister was only as much a part of her true being as the more selfish, lackadaisical aspect her classmates saw. The image Touko’s trying to live up wasn’t even real itself in the first place. All she’s doing is putting on a performance of another performance. That’s how goddamn splintered her self-perception has become by the thousand masks she wears.

And the truly agonizing thing is that the more Touko is forced to realize this fact, the deeper she tries to retreat into the lie she’s crafted for herself. Her performance is a shield that she uses to hide not just from others, but from herself. She’s terrified of seeing herself in her entirety, the complete picture of the person she’s become, because she’s convinced herself that her true self is someone she utterly despises. She catches glimpses of her weaknesses and failures, and the thought of not being able to live up to the person she’s convinced herself she needs to be threatens her entire sense of purpose in life. She has to be her sister, the perfect president who inspires her peers and juniors, because otherwise, she’s the weak and selfish “Touko” that so terrifies her. And that means no one can connect with that inner truth of her on any level, lest the grant it any sort of legitimacy. No one can hate her for it, but no one can love her for it either. As deeply as she loves Yuu, she feels like she has to keep her at a distance, because what if Yuu falls in love with her too? What if this person who sees her as she truly is, flaws and all, is able to catch feelings for her regardless? How could she stay in love with someone who loves something she hates so intensely? Or what if that weakness comes bubbling out, and her selfishness drains Yuu so deeply that she completely dries up and floats away like a hollow husk in the wind? It’s an endless cycle of self-loathing and self-denial that just becomes harder and harder to bear every single moment she sinks deeper into it.

But there’s one think Touko didn’t count on.

What she didn’t count on... was Yuu.

Don’t Hate What I Love

Because for as deeply clouded as Yuu’s own perception of herself and her sexuality was at the beginning of this show, there’s one thing that separates her from Touko that makes all the difference; Yuu never chose her masks. The performances she put on, the perceptions she formed in other people’s minds, none of them were conscious choices to not be true to who she thought she really was. They were just limited, muffled by the societal expectations that kept her actual self bottled under lock and key. But now that Touko’s let that particular genie out of the bottle, Yuu is able to see herself clearly for the first time- and unlike Touko, she embraces that clarity. She’s not any one thing that anyone perceives her as, not the sum total of everyone else’s expectations or her own social performances. She is Yuu Goddamn Koito, and she doesn’t have to be anyone else. That’s why she takes so much issue with the first draft of the play, why Touko’s continued self-delusion hurts her so much; she knows that at some point, the masks have to come off. There’s no life living under a false face that only speaks to part of your complete self, if any of it at all. And the Kouto Nanami Yuu knows, the complete self she’s been able to discern from all the time they’ve spent together, flaws and all, isn’t a lost cause. She’s a bit overbearing and entirely too much to deal with, but she’s also kind, compassionate, honest, real. Touko can ask her not to fall in love with the side of her she hates all she wants, but the fact of the matter is that Touko’s not holding herself to an equal standard. Not when she hates the side of herself that Yuu cares for so immensely.

And it is so goddamn satisfying to watch Yuu start to take control of her narrative at the end here, after spending so much time trying to figure out what her narrative even was. Touko is scared of how much power she has over Yuu and how easily she might abuse that power, but Yuu’s always had the confidence to negate those impulses, and now faced with someone who’s increasingly unable to believe in her real self, Yuu takes the most radical act she can; accept that true self by showing Touko how harmless her perceived weaknesses actually are. Yuu can still have a healthy social life outside her relationship, setting up boundaries and hanging out with friends without Touko’s jealousy and possessiveness taking it over. Yuu can ask Touko hang out on her own terms, doing things she wants to do as well as opposed to just indulging in Touko’s own desires. She can listen to Touko’s fears and uncertainties, sharing in the pain of her emotional complexes without judging her for them. They can be genuine equals in this relationship without Touko needing to put on perfect airs or negate everything she doesn’t like about herself, because Yuu can fucking handle it. She doesn’t need the companionship of a saint; hell, she doesn’t even want that. She wants the companionship of Touko Nanami, friend, senpai, lover, indulgence, flustered and overbearing, sweet and comforting, the person who rescued her from her ocean of numbness and now needs rescuing from an emotional dead zone of her own.

She wants her to be able to love herself as much as she’s coming to love her.

These two have a long road ahead of them before they can make things perfect. There’s no shortage of emotional pitfalls lining the path they travel, and I swear if we don’t get a second season at some point there’s gonna be hell to pay. But for now, this is where we leave them. An uncertain crossroads, yet hopeful all the same. Under the light of the circular aquarium, surrounded by the same ocean that’s descended around both their heads. But this time, they’re not standing in the muffling water alone, staring out at an empty expanse. This time, they have each other’s hands. This time, they’ll find their way through this trial together. And maybe someday... they’ll finally burst into bloom.

Odds and Ends

-”Wow, I don’t think I can wrap my head around that.” Yeah, no joke, I feel my own mind spinning.

-”Yoink!” aksjdasdasd

-”No one would come see it if me or Maki played the lover.” Dojima, you’re a real bro.

-No neck cuddles for you, manager.

-”Maybe it’s time I asked for a raise.” “Ah, I can’t hear you!” snrk

-”Did you just wake up?!” I feel attacked.

-”You’re quick!” akjdasd go get ‘em Yuu

-”Study camps are spectacular.” Lesbian panic, ahoy!

-”Because these are rare.” OH MY FUCKING GOD YUU

-”Go to sleep, girls.” That moment when the thirst is so obvious even the teacher can see it

-”I’m glad there are three of us.” Useless lesbians, the lot of you.

-”It’s hard to keep them going until the end!” “Patience and softness, that’s the key.” Today in Of Course We’re Only Talking About Fireworks No Hidden Meaning Whatsoever

-Yeah, just let that fan breeze wash over you.

-”FEED ME SEYMOUR” -Touko, probably

-”I’m grateful, but I’m frustrated! I wanted to be able to find out what wasn’t working on my own!” So is this entire session just a litany of callouts for me or

-”I want to hear you say it!” These two are gonna kill me one of these days.

-”You’ll get soaked head to toe.” THEIR EXPRESSIONS HOLY SHIT I’M DYING

Goddamn, what a great series this has been. Expect my closing thoughts later tonight, as well as what show will take its place!

#anime #the anime binge-watcher #tabw #bloom into you #yagate kimi ni naru #yuu koito #touko nanami

[megaphonemonday]

You're an amazing writer who does wonderful things with these characters! If you're looking for prompt ideas, how about a semantics issue w/ the twins telling someone that their aunt and uncle got married? Or Mike and Evelyn sibling cuteness?

Thank you!! That’s really sweet of you to say❤️ I’m playing a little mix and match with this one because @monkshoodr also asked for Mike’s first day as a WAG. I hope you enjoy this!

This fits post-the moral comments of the neighbors and the long game but works as a stand-alone. 

some kick-ass to it | read on ao3

In theory, children, no matter how well behaved, were not allowed in the Padres Suite. The Padres Suite and its perfect view of the field was the realm of bigwigs and owners and the WAGs who didn’t have offspring to supervise. The ones who did could “enjoy” the family room down off the clubhouse.

In practice, Evelyn Sanders did not care. 

She was no fool. She knew that leaving her two thirteen-year-olds—God, she was the mother of teenagers; how messed up was that?—unattended in a Major League stadium, even in the shelter of the Padres family room with its dedicated attendants/babysitters, was a recipe for disaster. Her boys might not be typical troublemakers, they made sure not to ever get caught at the least, but Evelyn wasn’t about to give them more leeway than they deserved. 

They could work and scheme for their chances at mischief the way Evelyn had. It would build character or something.

Anyway, it was Opening Day. Marcus and Gabe deserved to see their dad take the field from the best seats in the house. Plus, it wasn’t every day that they got to skip school and watch their honorary aunt pitch in her first home opener.

If they got into trouble up here, at least she’d know what it was right away. 

That was her intention, anyway.

Of course, Evelyn’s vision of trouble was pretty tame. She knew her boys; maybe they’d spill something on the new carpeting or demolish the appetizer spread in an effort to fill the yawning abysses of their stomachs. At worst, their newly gangly limbs would send them crashing into something and there’d be a spot of property damage. She could handle that. Evelyn herself had done much worse, not that she’d ever let them know that. 

What she hadn’t imagined, though, was that the twins would entangle the General Manager of the San Diego Padres in their nonsense. 

She really shouldn’t have underestimated them.

She also probably shouldn’t have taken her eyes off of them, not even for a second. However, she’d been a little distracted by Mike Lawson swaggering out onto the field to make his first ceremonial pitch as a retired man. Evelyn had promised Ginny she’d have a full report on his performance after the game, and she intended to keep her word. 

Watching from the outdoor deck, Ev had an excellent view of Mike’s delivery to Blip—a little high, but nothing to be embarrassed over… if he weren’t an ex-professional athlete; as it was, Evelyn planned to roast him mercilessly for failing to execute an easy fastball in the zone at the first possible opportunity—and the manful hug they shared out on the mound before posing for pictures. Evelyn didn’t bother trying to get a picture of her own; it definitely paid to be friendly with the team photographer.

She turned to head back inside only to run straight into Oscar Arguella, Gabe and Marcus trailing—guiltily if she wasn’t entirely off base, and Evelyn Sanders never was—along behind him. Casting a cursory, critical eye over the Padres General Manager for any sign of foul play, she offered him a semi-apologetic smile.

“I hope these two aren’t getting underfoot.”

Her teenagers rolled their eyes, but Oscar just laughed, flashing a pearly white smile. If he didn’t hold the entirety of her husband’s future and career in his strong, manicured hands, Evelyn would probably like him more. She'd always had a weakness for a pretty face, and his face was one of the prettiest. Also, she’d seen pictures of Arguella back in his playing days; he’d been a fan of a snug fit to say the least.

“No, no,” he assured, tucking his phone into his breast pocket. His hands seemed strangely empty without it. “We were just talking about the wedding. I didn’t realize Blip had a sister.”

“He doesn’t,” she replied. Then, as the rest of his words sank in, Evelyn froze. Just for a fraction of a second, but a pause nonetheless. “Wedding?”

Oscar didn’t bat one long, naturally curled eyelash. “Your boys said their aunt got married over the offseason? It must have been your sister. Congratulations.”

“Thank you,” she murmured, eagerly smoothing over the fact that her own sister had been married for three years already. The only offseason wedding any of the Sanderses cared about, they hadn’t even been invited to. Not that Ev harbored any lingering bitterness over that. Both of her sons sheepishly avoided her suspicious glance. Evelyn smiled, resisting the urge to drag her boys away by the ears. “That’s so nice of you to say.”

Oscar smiled, polite as ever, but he was already reaching for his phone again. He glanced at the screen and excused himself, leaving Evelyn and her progeny alone. 

Without her even having to say anything, they both started babbling out excuses and accusations.

“It wasn’t my fault! Marcus—”

“Gabe was totally the one who—”

“—said he was sick of looking at wedding pictures! I didn’t do anything!”

“—told him it was our aunt, like that made it any better! And you did, too, you liar!”

“Enough.” Evelyn didn’t even need to raise her voice for her teenagers to fall silent, and not just because they knew to listen to their mother. On the one hand, it was a little comforting to know her boys couldn’t keep a secret if their lives depended on it. On the other, who had even raised them? “I told you very specifically not to tell anyone about that wedding. And what did you two nearly do?”

“Tell someone about the wedding,” they mumbled in that funny twin-sync they still sometimes channeled.

“Exactly. Now if you can’t follow directions, then—”

They were saved from the rest of her threat by the entrance of Mike Lawson into the suite. Marcus and Gabe took their chance and made a quick escape. Their mother didn’t stop them; she had other fish to fry.

Even at a solidly over-the-hill age—Ginny’d cackled a few years ago when she’d ordered his birthday cake with Over the Hill You Go piped across it in cheery blue; since Evelyn had wheedled a firsthand account of the ways in which Ginny had eventually made up for that dig, she didn’t feel all that bad for thinking it now—and with his career firmly behind him, Mike Lawson knew how to command a room. 

In all his years as a Padre, he couldn’t have had much occasion to come up to the suites, let alone watch a game from one, but that didn’t stop him from looking utterly at home as he greeted his former teammates’ wives and girlfriends and parents. He cheerfully chatted, looking more at ease in retirement than anyone who knew him would have expected. 

Of course, no one who knew him knew the source of that ease quite as well as Evelyn Sanders. 

Leisurely, like he hadn’t spotted Evelyn when he first walked in, Mike made his way through the room, drifting closer and closer to the balcony where she waited impatiently. 

“Ev,” he greeted, jovial enough in spite of the wicked glint in his eye. He was up to something, and Evelyn was pretty sure she didn’t like it. 

“Mike,” she said anyway, bussing an air kiss to his cheek. “The boys almost spilled the beans.”

His smile didn’t drop, but he did dart a quick glance around the room. Oscar hovered several feet away, but only offered a distracted smile and nod. Since his attention was all on his phone call and he hadn’t gone apoplectic with surprise, it was a safe bet that Mike and Ginny’s news was still safely contained. “They did, huh? I thought you told them it was a secret.”

“Of course I did,” she returned, waspish. Like she would be so careless.

“Then you must be slipping, Ev,” Mike teased, his shoulders dropping an inch as he forced himself to relax. His grin was lopsided and, yes, Evelyn could admit, at least a little charming. She didn’t get the appeal for herself, but if it worked for Ginny... “Didn’t quite put the fear of God in them this time around.”

“It’s not my fault they need the fear of God in the first place. I mean, who had to go and get hitched without telling anyone?” Evelyn muttered out of the side of her mouth. She didn’t huff and cross her arms over her chest, but that was only because she didn’t want to crease this blouse; the silk was delicate and it was such a pain to iron.

Mike had no such reservations. His arms crossed and he frowned around the suite, dropping the prodigal son act. Still, there was no mistaking the twinkle in his eye when he muttered back, “C’mon, Ev. It’s not the ‘anyone’ that annoys you. It’s the ‘you.’”

“You’re damn right, Lawson,” she bit out. “I should’ve been at my best friend’s wedding.”

“I’m flattered.”

His shit-eating grin faltered when her elbow dug into his ribs, hard. “Don’t be. If Ginny weren’t so happy with her small, island wedding and the husband she got out of it, I’d have no problem teaching you some manners.”

“I think I’m past saving there.”

“Tell me about it,” she muttered, earning an eye roll from Mike. If he wasn’t careful, his face was gonna stick that way. It’d be so much easier to convince Ginny to leave him. Just so Evelyn could plan the wedding that her best friend deserved, of course. Because not even an unfortunate facial tic was going to be enough to permanently keep Ginny Baker and Mike Lawson apart.

Mike nudged her, far softer than she’d done to him. Lowering his voice as a few more Padres family members circulated out to the deck as the count to the first pitch wound down, he said, “You know we would’ve had you there if we could’ve. It wasn’t like we planned it this way.”

Evelyn would have to beg to differ.

She had seen the proposal pictures. (Every last one of them, which was the only way she’d allowed herself to even begin to be mollified when they broke the news.) 

The pretty landscapes of pristine sand and sparkling water in Mike’s camera roll quickly gave way to his favorite subject: Ginny. Ginny laughing as she splashed through the waves. Ginny clutching her sunhat as an errant breeze threatened to toss it down the beach. Ginny shocked as Mike’s hand entered the frame, holding an unmistakable light blue box. Ginny turned away from the camera as she fought off tears, her hands pressed to her lips, incidentally showing off a gorgeous oval-cut diamond. 

Then, of course, there was the slew of selfies where she pressed kiss after kiss to Mike’s dazed, elated, bearded face. 

Ginny’d taken the phone back before Evelyn could get to anything really good. 

(”You asked for the proposal, Ev,” Ginny had laughed, using her long arms to beat her friend at keep-away, “not what came after!”

“I don’t care about you and Mike getting frisky,” she’d replied, mostly truthfully. “Now, show me the goddamn wedding pictures, Ginny.”)

Based on the time stamps, there were less than three hours between the proposal and Mike and Ginny walking out of some tiny Hawaiian chapel as husband and wife.

They looked good. Better than good. Happier than Evelyn had ever seen either of them, and she’d watched them win a World Series. 

Still, she wasn’t going to budge on the real sticking point.

“You should’ve told me what you were going to do the minute you knew.”

“You were still pretending not to know Ginny and I were even dating,” he pointed out, so mildly it made her blood boil. 

Evelyn ignored him. “You knew that you were going to pop the question. Just like you knew there was no chance you were coming home without walking down the aisle first.”

He sighed but didn’t deny it. Rubbing a big hand through his beard, which he had yet to get rid of in spite of all of Evelyn’s dropped hints, Mike asked, “Blip told you what I said to him when he found out about me and Ginny and he accused me of trying to use her to relive my glory days, didn’t he?”

“No,” she said, stubborn. Evelyn absolutely did know, but she wanted to hear Mike say it. 

“I told him I wasn’t just sleeping with her.” Mike’s gaze had gone a bit hazy, a half smile playing over his mouth. “Just a minute with her was better than the best game I ever played, every homer I ever hit. And the minute she agreed, I was gonna marry her.”

Evelyn kept frowning. 

Mike huffed, clearly expecting her to soften. Nice try, buddy, but Evelyn wasn’t the softie that her husband was. “It didn’t quite happen the minute she said yes—filling out a marriage license takes longer than you’d think—but I wasn’t gonna put it off if I didn’t have to. Besides, it wasn’t like Ginny was all that eager to wait, either.” 

It was the way he thumbed at the discreet gold band on his left-hand ring finger, grinning sweetly behind that mountain man beard the whole time, that finally got Evelyn to melt. Just a little. 

She was still annoyed, but she got it. She did. After all, she and Blip hadn’t exactly waited around to plan out a big, elaborate ceremony and reception. They couldn’t exactly afford it on a minor league salary and with two buns in the oven, but they didn’t really want to, either. They’d just wanted to be married, to start a life together. 

“Fine,” she said, grudging even now. It wouldn’t do to have Mike thinking he could win her over this easily all the time. “I forgive you. But you’re still letting me plan the reception for whenever you two decide to come clean and you need to earn everyone else’s forgiveness.”

Mike chuckled. “Fair enough. Actually, I think that’ll be sooner than—”

The sudden uptick in noise all around the stadium should have been sign enough that something big was happening. Instead, Evelyn and Mike took a much quieter, if closer, cue.

“Oh, my word,” breathed Dusty’s mother, one hand flying up to her mouth. 

Both Ev and Mike followed her gaze straight out to left field. More specifically, the Jumbotron towering above the second deck. There, blown up for all of Petco Park to see, was Ginny Baker taking the mound for the Padres home opener. 

Only, she wasn’t just Ginny Baker anymore. 

Crowded across her back, almost too many letters to fit, was her new name. 

BAKER-LAWSON

As one, nearly every eye in the suite turned to the grantor of that second name on Ginny Baker’s jersey.

Mike Lawson just stood there, looking smug as hell. He didn’t quite tip his cap to the camera blowing his face up on the Jumbotron, but it was a near thing.

A polite smattering of applause broke through the Padres suite, punctuated by a few calls of “Congratulations!” 

Oscar, on the other hand, looked anything but congratulatory. He abruptly ended his call, staring blankly out at the screen. His handsome features were arranged in something approaching a smile, though the fact that his face was also rapidly turning purple didn’t do much to project an aura of calm confidence. Clearly, he was struggling not to blow a gasket. Evelyn could almost sympathize. He pivoted to face Mike, the movement as slow and controlled as his smile was strained. 

“Care to explain?” he asked, probably cursing the missed opportunities for PR more than anything else. 

“Not much to explain. That’s my wife,” was Mike’s only response. He shrugged and looked away, but the proud, elated grin on his face made it pretty hard to pull off nonchalance. 

Oscar closed his eyes, no doubt running through some kind of calming technique that only almost worked. At the very least, when he opened his eyes again, his color had become far less concerning. Probably because he accepted defeat. He shook his head as he turned from Mike, writing him off as a lost cause. 

Naturally, his gaze fell right on Evelyn. 

“Your sister’s wedding?” he sighed, sounding far too put-upon for a man who still looked the way he did. 

Evelyn smiled, not even halfway apologetic this time, and shrugged. Oscar just shook his head again and went back inside, no doubt to start up the spin machine of the team’s PR office. 

At her side, Mike snorted. “Does that make me your brother-in-law now?”

Her nose wrinkled as she thought the proposition over. Mike was too cool a customer to fidget as he waited, but Evelyn knew how to push his buttons as well as any sister could. 

She hummed thoughtfully. “I guess there are worse things you could be.”

“Like what?” He grinned, and it really wasn’t such a wonder that Ginny was absolutely gone for him. Mike could be downright charming when he wanted. 

“Competition,” Ev replied bluntly. “Don’t think that just because you were a Padre yourself that you have a leg up on me in elections for President of the WAGs’ charitable organization.”

“That doesn’t sound very inclusive,” he mused, smirk tucked into the corner of his mouth. Scratch everything Evelyn had thought about Mike’s charm. “Shouldn’t it be W-silent-H-AGs now?”

“Like you’d settle for anything silent,” she jabbed. 

Mike barked out a laugh. “Fair point. What if we just agreed to be co-presidents? We could run this town, Ev.”

“It’s cute,” she said, patronizing and loving the sour twist it gave his face, “that you think I don’t already, Lawson.”

Still, she’d think about it. There were probably worse people to have as her right hand than Mike Lawson. 

And after all, they were pretty much family.

#Anonymous #bawson #bawson fic #pitch #pitch fic #long post #oh Evelyn #how i miss you and your wardrobe #and your inability to take shit from people

[lexiecarver]

Needful Things

Pairing: Crowley x Reader (how shocking, I know. :) )

Word Count: 2,844

A/N: This was written for @kittenofdoomage’s Classic Movie Quotes Challenge with the prompt, “Roads? Where we’re going we don’t need roads.” This was also written for @chelsea072498’s birthday challenge with the prompts; caramels, the number 37 and a stranger arrives claiming to have the fix to the main character’s problems. Happy b-day, hun. Hope you have an awesome one. Here’s some Crowley fluff with a few sexy scenes but no actual erotica. Xoxo-Lexie.                              Also on A03

Italics= thoughts and telepathic communication

You hated these things but they’d talk more if you didn’t go. You hated hobnobbing with all the people you hated in high school especially since you weren’t super successful and didn’t have a family. You knew they would throw all their accomplishments in your face the second you got through the door. You decided to don your favorite black dress so at least you’d look good. You went in there head held high. The sound of your high heels clicked on the gym floor as you walked to the check-in desk. Taking a deep calming breath you look up at the woman behind the desk smiling back at her.

“Name please.”

Off to a great start.

“Y/N.”

“Oh, my god. Yes. Of course. Wow, you’ve changed.”

Yeah, I look like a stone cold fox. Thanks, bitch. Yeah, too snotty.

“I know I look amazing, don’t I? Cute top.”

Yep, perfect note.

The girl stared up at you angrily. Yeah, Missy always hated it when people called her clothes, “cute.” She nearly shoved the nametag into your hand. You took it with a smile on your face and headed to your table. Of course, you would be seated next to all your former bullies because the universe is just like that. As you approached the table, you noticed a strange man in a nicely tailored suit with a dark gray paisley tie. Actually, if you were being honest with yourself, he was fucking gorgeous and boy did you want him right here under the bleachers. You gulped and smiled at the table. You sat down next to him. A seat was actually free right next to him. Maybe the universe wasn’t so bad after all. You gave him a nervous smile and he smirked at you. Fuck, that smirk spoke volumes and then he opened his mouth.

"I’m Crowley.“

You heard yourself telling him your name but honestly, you don’t remember doing it. You couldn’t take your eyes off him. You were totally enthralled by this stranger.

He had an accent. It was British. Holy fuck. He wasn’t a student here. You would have remembered a British student. So that meant he was someone’s date. Fuck.

“He’s actually my brother, “ the woman next to Crowley said,

Your cheeks flushed red from embarrassment. She must have said that in reference to you. Were you being that obvious? Oh, man. And wait a minute – did she just read your mind? The woman and Crowley shared a glance. An obnoxious blonde next to you became a bit jealous of your vicinity to the handsome stranger and decided to speak with you.  Her voice was annoyingly high-pitched.

“Are you really at our table. Who are you?”

“Rude much Monica? It’s Y/N. Surely you remember me?”

“Oh yeah, the different kid always spending time alone thinking you were better than us. Huh. Wonder where you got that dress? You must be doing well for yourself. No ring on your finger?”

“Why does a woman need a man to define her?”

“Quite right,” Crowley added. He smiled against his whiskey glass.

“Only asked if you’re single.”

“What a scathing comeback. Tell me, homecoming Queen, two things. One, where’s your ring and two haven’t you grown up? We’re not in high school anymore.”

“I’m engaged. The ring is in the shop. It was a bit smaller than we thought. Grow up? I am grown up. Duh, I’m getting married.”

“Congratulations, then.”

“I don’t think you’ll be able to make it. They don’t accept your kind there.”

“Excuse me?”

“Cheap -.”

“I suggest you don’t finish that sentence, Monica was it?

Crowley nearly growled. She held his gaze and then something about him terrified her because she slipped back into her chair.

"Don’t listen to her, love. You’re special. I can see it. The way you carry yourself, the way you wear that dress, the way you think. You are a class above these peons. I just wish you believed it.”

You fought hard to not react. No one had ever told you that before. I mean, you told yourself that but for someone else to see what you saw about yourself – and wait he was in your mind again.

You slowly turned your head to him and he smirked.

“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy”.

“So that’s a yes.”

He turned to you and you felt a blush rise to your cheeks. His eyes roved over your face, focusing on your lips. You unconsciously licked them. His tongue dove out of his mouth to lick his own lips. Then he turned his head back to the conversation.

The woman Crowley came with started talking to Stu. She seemed to cozy up to him.

“Nice jersey.”

"Thanks. I really love football but since my injury, I can’t play anymore. My favorite player’s jersey is number 37. Best team ever – the Chicago Bulls and Callahan, Bryce is the best player.

"Sports are so overrated don’t you think?”

“Totally, ” you said smiling back at Crowley.

Crowley put one of his hands on yours. He stroked the top of it while he smiled at you before he took your hand in his. “His sister,” looked tense but he nodded her off.

“You look gorgeous in that dress. It hugs all your-.”

“I have no idea how you’re talking to me in my mind right now. But stop it. You came with-.”

“How I wish I was on your arm…I could-.”

“Y/N?”

“Yes.”

“Is she daydreaming?”

“OMG. She was always doing that in class. So distracting. One hot guy and she’s lost.”

Crowley growled. Fucking growled at the insult. You could have sworn his eyes flashed red. His sister placed her hand on his.

“Why don’t we stop sniping at each other and play a fun game instead. Who’s with me?”

Everyone was jumping at the chance but something about her made you hesitate.

“How about we go around the room and each list things we would desperately want.”

“I’ll go first. I want you to get a life.”

Crowley stared at the girl white knuckling the table. He desperately wanted to kill her but he needed her to make a wish first. His trainee was nervous that the King of the Crossroads was so angry. He must like the human sitting next to him. But why? Y/N was just a human, nothing special. But the whole thing was above her pay grade so she quickly forgot it.

“Monica. I told you before to stop. We need everyone to list things.”

“We can fix all your problems. Just wish them away.”

“Fine. I’d like money. Lots of it and all the finer things in life. Oh, and if we’re talking fantasies how about a famous actor as a husband. That would be amazing.”

“What happened to your fiancé?”

“Please, I’d be marrying a star. Upgrade.”

"Uh, I’d want to relive my glory days and play football again obviously.”

“Knowledge – like I want to know everything. Have a lot of degrees and spend my time writing academic papers.”

Monica rolled her eyes. Crowley looked bored with the wishes waiting anxiously to see what you would ask for.

“I’d like a creative job that pays well.”

“Oh, how about this one: I can eat anything I want and stay a size 2.”

“And you, Y/N, what would you like?” All eyes were on you and honestly, it was a little daunting.

“Nothing. Just a good happy, healthy life.”

“There has to be something you want even if it’s something small.”

“Go on dear. I’m intrigued to hear what you’d like. I can offer so many things. I can fix all your problems,” Crowley offered.

You were starting to get uneasy. Crowley and the woman next to him sounded like pushy salespeople but what the hell were they selling? That was really the question.

“Um… Ok. A man who will love me for me and for a title. Mrs, the best…., mom, something just a title and a happy life. Basically, a life that’s my own and a place where I feel I belong.”

Crowley was impressed by your wish. You were such a fascinating creature. You were gorgeous, great at witty repartee, unique and not materialistic. You asked for love and a title. How innocent. Selling her soul for love. There’s something so bittersweet about that.

“Love you for you? I can do that. That isn’t a problem dear. I can fix everyone’s problems in a heartbeat. Everything comes with a price though.”

“You could-.”

“I take people as they are. No sense in changing them. Though I wonder why that is such a problem for you… hiding anything? Kinky? Dark? Why wouldn’t they love you for you?”

“GET OUT OF MY HEAD.”

“And go where?”

You see Crowley walk around the table, pulling your chair out forcefully and pulling you to his chest. His hands wind around your hair and he kisses you passionately. You can taste the whiskey on his breath. Feel his cock slowly grinding against your clothed core. “

You gasp, trying to cover a moan that desperately wanted to come out. No one has seemed to notice. Crowley is curiously sitting in the chair next to you like he never moved. It must have been in your head. You feel a warm breath on your back and feel someone nibbling your ear. A hand reaches down your body into your panties to rub on your clit and then just as suddenly it’s gone. Crowley winks at you, leaving you a confused panting mess.

“I can make you feel amazing, pet. Just give in to me. I promise that this whole table, all the people that teased you and made high school hell for you will have what’s coming to them. Their fates are already sealed. But I can save you if you want to be saved?”

“Saved from what?”

“From the consequences of my help.”

“That’s rather ominous. You’ve intrigued me so why not. Let’s see what you got.”

“Very well consider it done.”

“I have no idea who you are but you’re a hoot. Consider it done. What are you a demon or something? A wishmaster? Hilarious.”

The hairs on the back of your neck stood up. Wishes, demon, mind powers. You choked on your water. His eyes returned to you, filled with concern. His hand drifted out towards you fixing the problem immediately. You withdrew your hand quickly looking into his eyes with fear.

“Clever, girl. I am a demon but trust me, I have no intention of hurting you. You intrigue me too, dear, and it isn’t every day that a human does that. This is my job after all and I’m giving you a freebie.“

Soon afterwards everyone drifts away, some go home, some go to the dance floor. You decide to go, too, but before you could, Crowley pulls you aside nearly dragging you to the bleachers. He hands you two caramels.

“This is very important. You have to listen to me and remember it.  I mean you no harm but if you forget what I’m telling you, I won’t be able to save you. I will be back in 10 years. You will know when I’m back because there will be sounds of a hound, snarling and growling, yet you won’t see the hound. The second … and I mean the exact second you hear the growling, you eat the caramels. Understood?”

You nodded your head slowly and looked down at the candy. Before you could ask any more questions you found yourself alone in your car.

That night really shook you up. You didn’t know if you believed what happened. Maybe it was just a really vivid daydream? Whatever it was, you couldn’t shake the need to carry the caramels in your pocket no matter where you were or with whom.

You tried to shake off the man you met years ago as a feverish dream. But what if he wasn’t? It was true that everyone got what they asked for. They were all so happy, so content. Stu even played for the Chicago Bears. No idea how Crowley pulled that off and Monica married her favorite actor. But you never found a guy who accepted you. You didn’t get a title and your life wasn’t any different. Was that because you were meant for Crowley? That idea made you afraid but also so excited that a man, a being like that, could be that intrigued by you.

You had an awful lot of sleepless night wondering what the consequences would be and how caramels would save you. You stayed up reading as you usually did and the second it turned midnight you heard growling. You thought maybe you had fallen asleep and it was just another nightmare, but you were wide-awake. You were confused and went out to the balcony looking down at the ground but you saw nothing. The growling intensified and you saw the dining room table knock over. Whatever it was, was getting closer. You could feel its warm breath on you. You immediately started chewing on the caramels two at a time. You started running around your apartment trying to suck the caramels as quickly as possible. You ran to the kitchen to get a weapon and ran out quickly brandishing a pot. You hit one of the invisible dogs but another one charged into you throwing you to the ground making you swallow the rest of the caramels. It was a wonder you didn’t choke. You slowly turned your head to the side trying to get your face always from the dog. You were shivering with fear with an invisible dog on top of you. Crowley really was a demon. And this is what happens when you wish. Shit. Where was he? Didn’t he say he would protect you?

Gulping, you slowly turned your face towards the hound. The dog seemed to be smelling you, actually smelling you. Then it bowed its head to you and walked off only to come back to you. You moved back hitting a table leg in the process. The dog moved tentatively forward and licked your palm. You were so shocked you couldn’t move until you heard a whistle and saw Crowley.

“Good girl Juliet.

Crowley bent down to pet his favorite hellhound.

“I didn’t want you harmed.”

“Your dog licked me.”

“The caramels, dear. They had a little extra kick to them. So the dogs would recognize you as mine. I never leave anything to chance.”

“Yours? I belong to no one.”

“Feisty tonight are we? Is that any way to talk to your King?”

“King?”

“A lot happens in ten years. I was King of the Crossroads then but now I’m the KING of Hell. And you, pet, are quite special and indeed mine.”

You quirk your eyebrow at him.

“Darling, I’ve been around for many centuries. Trust me, I will give you pleasure you’ve never imagined. I can show things you’ve only dreamed of. You will want for nothing. I will protect you from everything.”

“Why?”

“Because I find you interesting. Or you could stay here and live your life on earth and I’ll walk away.”

“So I get a free pass.”

“Sort of. I’m a very jealous and possessive man and I wanted you. I could give you a title and a place where you belong, by my side. But I thought that you needed some time. So I looked after you, made sure you were happy, got the job you wanted, made sure you could get that vacation at the beach you so desperately wanted. I’ve been taking care of you hoping that you would choose me in the end. Your deal is for me. I’m your man if you’ll have me. And if not, then I will leave you to your life.”

You couldn’t believe what he was telling you. The King of Hell wanted you. You did wonder how you got all those things but you just thought it was good luck. Crowley was watching over you, protecting you and keeping you happy for ten years. Wow. And he was giving you a choice to go with him. You looked at his outstretched hand and placed your hand in his. If he existed, the world was a lot darker than you thought and having someone to protect you might be better. You honestly couldn’t think of a better future than with Crowley in your arms.

“We’re going to hell, aren’t we.”

“We are.”

“My car’s out back. I’d love to know how one gets to hell. Let’s drive on the highway to hell like the song.

Crowley quirked an eyebrow

“No highway? Okay, a road to hell?”

“Roads? Where we’re going we don’t need roads.”

Confusion was written all over your face,

Taking your hand you appeared in a gorgeously decorated bedroom with rose petals on the bed and a King looking at you with curiosity and longing.

What was a girl to do?

#crowley #crowley fanfic #crowley fanfiction #crowley x reader #crowley fluff

[televinita]

Books Read in 2018: The Why

Third year in a row* of answering the self-imposed question: why did you read this particular book?

(*Although 2017′s is presently flagged by the garbage bot and under appeal -- WHY DO U HATE MY BOOK COVER COLLAGES, MR. ALGORITHM)

I am beginning to deeply regret the extra work involved to split them by category, so next year is probably just gonna be a numbered chronological list after the Quilt of Many Covers, but for now they are still divided into adult fiction, YA, middle grade/children’s books, and nonfiction

FICTION

True Valor - Dee Henderson. 2002. Read because: I went hunting for a military romance in which to cast Dalton and Jaz [The Brave]. This one at least guaranteed me Dalton (and included rescuing a female soldier lost/hurt in combat, so).

These Healing Hills - Ann H. Gabhart. 2017. Had this one in my back pocket for a while as a quality-sounding stock romance (nurse/soldier) waiting for players. When my need for a Barbie/Julia [Under the Dome] story reached a new high, I deemed it a match.

Shane - Jack Schaefer. 1949. This is the book Fourmile is based on, so I thought I could get a two-for-one casting thrill out of it.

The Lake House - Kate Morton. 2015. A gorgeous historic mansion hidden within an abandoned estate. A mystery from the past to be solved in the present. What are "things I am here for always."

Crimson Peak (movie novelization) - Nancy Holder. 2015. I LOVED the movie, and the only thing I love more than amazing movies is when I can have them translated into and enriched by prose.

Chasing Sunsets - Karen Kingsbury. 2015. Brush of Wings - Karen Kingsbury. 2016. I was hunting, desperately, for Ben/Ryan-shaped books [Off the Map], and "Brush of Wings" checked all the boxes (young woman who needs a heart transplant volunteers in a third world country, love interest has to find a way to rush her home when the situation turns dire). I only read C.S. first because I didn't want to miss where the romance started.

Rancher Under Fire - Vickie Donoghue. 2014. I was looking for a different book when I casually stumbled upon this title, and listen. I am not gonna turn down a ready-made Barbie/Julia AU* with bonus "single father" angle. (*cowboy/journalist)

Heart Like Mine - Maggie McGinnis. 2016. "Ben/Ryan, Sexy Hookup AU Version please."

The Mountain Between Us - Charles Martin. 2010. The request list for the movie was too long, so I decided to see if it was based on a book. Upon reading the back cover and finding out one character was a surgeon, I immediately forgot the movie cast as my brain exploded with Shondaland options.

When Crickets Cry - Charles Martin. 2006. "Doctor whose wife died young of a lifelong heart condition" sounded like the best book-shaped Ben/Ryan approximation yet, with bonus "watching out for a little girl who is sick in the same way" cuteness as well.

The Woman in Cabin 10 - Ruth Ware. 2016. A woman at work recommended it to me, and I was like, "a well received general thriller? Sure!"

Listen to Me - Hannah Pittard. 2016. Put "road trip" into the library catalog --> picked 70% because "Gothic thriller" made me think of "The Strangers," and 30% because I was reliving the glory days of Derek And Addison and this marriage sounded similar.

The Lying Game - Ruth Ware. 2017. I enjoyed the other book of hers I read so my friend brought in the next one she had.

Hatter Fox - Marilyn Harris. 1973. Read in high school and forgotten until I reread the Goodreads summary, and "doctor drawn to help 17-year-old" set off my radar. Shippy or merely protective/caretaking, my radar reacts the same.

Vanished - Mary McGary Morris. 1988. The trailer for unreleased Martin Henderson film "Hellbent" whipped me into a frenzy so I did my best to find book-shaped approximations of it. (spoiler alert: this failed miserably, but I grudge-matched it out)

Thunder and Rain - Charles Martin. 2012. Former Texas Ranger who is a single dad. Rescuing & protecting a scared/abused woman and child. At his ranch with cows and horses. By an author who has proven his salt in the hurt/comfort and restrained-romance departments.

Before the Fall - Nick Hawley. 2016. Mostly I came for the dynamic between the young orphan and the passenger who saved him, but I also like witnessing the general aftermath of plane crash survivors.

The Perfect Nanny - Leila Slimani. 2018. My work friend loaned it to me with the statement, "This has such good reviews but I don't know if I 'got' it -- I am really curious to know what you think of it!"

The Girl Before - J.P. Delaney. 2017. She loaned me this one too, with a more glowing recommendation.

Everything You Want Me To Be - Mindy Mejia. 2017. Aaaand one last rec from my seasonal work friend before our projects took us in separate directions.

The Dog Year - Ann Wertz Garvin. 2014. Dog on the cover + synopsis was basically a list of tropes I love: a woman (a doctor to boot!) grieving loss of husband and unborn baby; dogs; a new love interest who is one of my favorite professions to pair with doctor (cop)...

Losing Gemma - Katy Gardner. 2002. "So basically this is the victim backstory to a Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders plot? Dude, sign me UP; I can so see this friendship!"

Uncharted - Tracey Garvis-Graves. 2013. The companion novella to a book I loved.

The English Boys - Julia Thomas. 2016. Mom checked it out of the library, "guy in piney unrequited love with his best friend's fiancee" intrigued me enough to open it, and by 3-5 pages in I was hooked.

The Broken Girls - Simone St. James. 2018. Abandoned boarding-school ruins, a murder mystery from the past being solved in the present day, possibly tied to a second murder from the past?? Yeah, give it.

Heart-Shaped Hack - Tracey Garvis-Graves. 2015. White-Hot Hack - Tracey Garvis-Graves. 2016. Proven quality romance writer's latest books feature a professional super-skilled hacker? Sounds right up my Scorpion-obsessed alley. First book was plenty good enough to launch me into Part II.

Shine Shine Shine - Lydia Netzer. 2012. In my continuing quest to find books in which to cast Walter/Paige, I searched the phrase "her genius husband" and this one's summary matched my desires well.

Learning to Stay - Erin Celello. 2013. Ever eager to expand my hurt/comfort scenario stockpile, I went looking for something where a husband suffers a TBI/brain damage that mostly affects their personality. The bonus dog content sold it.

The Fate of Mercy Alban - Wendy Webb. 2013. Came up on my Goodreads timeline. I read as far as "spine-tingling mystery about family secrets set in a big, old haunted house on Lake Superior" and immediately requested it from the library.

Rated PG - Virginia Euwer Wolff. 1981. I was rereading her Make Lemonade trilogy when I saw a quote in her author bio that said, "I did write an adult novel. Thank goodness it went out of print." Curious, I looked it up, and between its age and the fact that it sounded more like YA than a proper adult novel, I was immediately more intrigued by it than her boring-sounding middle grade books.

Someone Else's Love Story - Joshilyn Jackson. 2013. "Young single mom with genius son meeting a possibly-autistic scientist who protects them during a gas station holdup/hostage situation and later bonds with her son" was the exact literary approximation of a Scorpion AU I wanted in my brain. By the time I realized that was not the endgame ship, I had already flipped through it and fallen in love w/ William and his romantic memories of his wife instead.

Driftwood Tides - Gina Holmes. 2014. Cool title + I love the "young adult adoptee bonds with the spouse of their late birth mother" trope.

The Haunting - Alan Titchmarsh. 2011. Title caught my eye at the library near Halloween; I dug the "dual timelines" setup with a mystery from the past to be solved in the present, and hoped for ghosts.

The Lost Hours - Karen White. 2009. I searched "scrapbook" in the library catalog.  A family member's formerly buried old scrapbook, an old house, and unearthing family history/secrets? GIVE IT TO ME.gif.

The Etruscan Smile - Velda Johnston. 1977. Slim (quick read), attractive cover painting, an exotic Italian countryside setting in a bygone era, and a young woman investigating the mystery of her sister's disappearance all appealed to me.

Stay Away, Joe - Dan Cushman. 1953. All I could tell from the book jacket was that it was somehow Western/ranch-themed, possibly full of wacky hijinx and had once been deemed appropriate for a high school library. I just wanted to know what the heck it was about!

-------------------

YOUNG ADULT

(I’m kind of guessing at the line of demarcation between teen and middle grade audiences for some of these, especially the older ones -- another reason that I should give up on categories in the future -- but let’s just go with it)

These Shallow Graves - Jennifer Donnelly. 2015. Seemed like a YA version of What the Dead Leave Behind (which itself I was using as a Crimson Peak AU), from an author whose work has always impressed me.

Snow Bound - Harry Fox Mazer. 1973. Always here for survival stories! Also, this is a good author.

The House - Christina Lauren. 2015. I LOVE evil/haunted mansion stories.

The Masked Truth - Kelley Armstrong. 2015. It looked like Criminal Minds in a YA novel.

Things I'm Seeing Without You - Peter Bognanni. 2017. Went googling for stories that sounded like contemporary variations on Miles & Charlie Matheson [Revolution]. "Teen shows up at estranged father's door" fit the bill.

Even When You Lie to Me - Jessica Alcott. 2015. I always turn out for student/teacher stories, given enough suggestion of it being mostly an emotional connection rather than an illicit hookup.

Too Shattered for Mending - Peter Brown Hoffmeister. 2017. I also dig stories where teenagers have to take care of/fend for themselves in the absence of a parent/guardian.

The Devil You Know - Trish Doller. 2015. I enjoyed a previous book of hers, and I always like road trips and teen thrillers.

The Raft - S.A. Bodeen. Terror at Bottle Creek underwhelmed, so I thought I'd try a YA/female protagonist option for a survival thriller, not least because the girl on the cover reminded me of Under the Dome's Melanie.

Ghost at Kimball Hill - Marie Blizard. 1956. Picked up randomly at an estate sale; the vintage cover and incredibly charming first 2 pages won my heart.

A New Penny - Biana Bradbury. 1971. The rare idea of a teen shotgun marriage in this era -- when it would still be expected, but also more likely to fall apart and end in a young divorce or separation -- fascinated me; I was curious to see how such an adult situation would play out.

Marie Antoinette, Serial Killer - Katie Alender. 2013. I mean...it is really all right there in the title and/or the awesful puns all over the cover. ("Let them eat cake...AND DIE!") Pure unadulterated crack, combining my two fave specialty genres of history and horror? Yes ma'am.

Me And My Mona Lisa Smile - Sheila Hayes. 1981. I was looking up this author of a Little Golden Book to see what else she had, found one that suggested a student/teacher romance, and bolted for it.

To Take a Dare - Crescent Dragonwagon/Paul Zindel. 1982. 50% due to the first author's cracktastic name and my full expectations of it being melodramatic, 50% because I was still on my "Hellbent" high and looking for similar teen runaway stories.

To All My Fans, With Love, From Sylvie - Ellen Conford. 1982. The last one from my attempt-at-a-Hellbent-esque-storyline set -- girl hitchhiking cross-country is picked up by a middle aged man who may or may not have pure intentions, by an established quality author.

Be Good Be Real Be Crazy - Chelsey Philpot. Bright cover called out to me; I was in the mood for a fun road trip novel for spring/early summer.

This is the Story of You - Beth Kephart. Kephart's name always gives me pause due to her fuzzy writing style, but I loved Nothing But Ghosts, so I could not resist the promise of surviving a super-storm disaster.

A Little in Love - Susan Fletcher. "Eponine's story from Les Mis" on a YA novel = immediately awesome; I LOVE HER??? Also it's just my fave musical, generally.

Adrift - Paul Griffin. 2015. I've been really digging survival stories this year, and while stories about survival at sea aren't typically my fave, they keep popping up in my path so I keep poppin' em like candy.

Life in Outer Space - Melissa Keil. 2013. After delighting my brain with concept sketches for a high school AU, I set out to find the equivalent of Scorpion's team dynamics/main relationship in a YA novel, and by god I found it.

Everything Must Go - Fanny Fran Davis. 2017. The brightly colored cover drew me in, and the format of being like a scrapbook of personal documents/paper ephemera lit up the scrap-collecting center of my brain.

Going Geek - Charlotte Huang. 2016.

originally I thought it might be like Life in Outer Space, but once I realized the title geeks were all girls I shrugged and went, "Eh, still a solid contemporary YA novel at a cool setting (boarding school)."

Like Mandarin - Kirsten Hubbard. 2011.

By the author of my beloved Wanderlove, I was drawn in by the title, intriguing cover photo, rural Wyoming setting and the concept of a high school freshman girl latching onto/idolizing a cool senior girl.

Sixteen: Short Stories By Outstanding Writers for Young Adults. ed. Donald R. Gallo. 1984. Tripped over it at the library, and immediately wanted to consume a set of 80s teen book content from a pack of authors I know and love.

A & L Do Summer - Jan Blazanin. 2011. In the summer, sometimes you just want to vicariously relive the feeling of being a largely-responsibility-free teen in a small-town location.

The Assassin Game - Kirsty McKay. 2015. Looked like the (Welsh!) boarding school version of Harper's Island. (spoiler alert: it is rather less stabby than that, but still fun)

We Are Still Tornadoes - Michael Kun/Susan Mullen. 2016. "College freshmen? Writing letters to each other? Sure, looks solid."

Nothing - Annie Barrows. 2017. It looked relatable: like the kind of book that would happen if I tried to turn my high school journals into a book. (spoiler alert: dumber)

The Memory Book - Laura Avery. 2016. Contemporary YA about a girl with a(n unusual) disease, but mostly, the title and promise of it being a collection of entries in different formats.

Kindess for Weakness - Shawn Goodman. 2013. LITERALLY AU RYAN ATWOOD.

Make Lemonade - Virginia Euwer Wolff. 1993. True Believer - Virginia Euwer Wolff. 2001. This Full House - Virginia Euwer Wolff. 2008. I reread the first two so I could give them proper reviews on Goodreads, and then realized I hadn't read the last one at all.

Blue Voyage - Diana Renn. 2015. A hefty teen mystery in a unique exotic location (Turkey) -- with an antiquities smuggling ring! - called out to me.

Girl Online - Zoe Sugg. 2014. I was really in the mood to read something on the younger end of YA, something cute and fun, when I saw this at the library.

Wilderness Peril - Thomas J. Dygard. 1985. Reread of a book I rated 4 stars in high school but couldn't remember, which happened to be lying next to me on a morning where I didn't wanna get out of bed yet.

Survive the Night - Danielle Vega. 2015. The cover had a GLITTERY SKULL. Give me that delightfully packaged horror story for the Halloween season!

The Hired Girl - Laura Amy Schlitz. 2015. I've been digging into my journals and old family photo albums lately, really fascinated by personal historical documents (also recently obsessed over The Scrapbook of Frankie Pratt), and when I saw a diary format book set in 1911 -- a housemaid's diary, no less; that must be interesting as far as recording grand house details -- it spoke to me.

Fans of the Impossible Life - Kate Scelsa. 2015. The colored-pencil-sketch cover gave me Rainbow Rowell vibes.

All The Truth That's In Me - Julie Berry. 2013. Someone who favorably reviewed The Hired Girl also recommended this one; the cover caught my eye, and it sounded like a thriller.

Girl In A Bad Place - Kaitlin Ward. 2017. I heart YA thrillers featuring girls.

Facing It - Julian F. Thompson. 1983. I was in desperate need of a book one night and my only option was to buy one off the library sale cart, so I snagged the one that looked like some entertaining 80s melodrama with a fun (summer camp) setting. (Spoiler alert: fun and entertaining it was not.)

A Good Idea - Cristina Moracho. 2017. "Rural literary noir," promised the cover blurb, and as I just mentioned: I heart YA thrillers.

Something Happened - Greg Logsted. 2008. Short/easy read + I was hoping for either a misinterpreted Genuinely Caring Teacher, or scenarios to use in an appropriate age difference context.

In Real Life - Jessica Love. 2016. My shipper radar pretty much looked at the summary and went "THE AU CHRISTIAN/GABBY SETUP OF MY DREAMS."

The Black Spaniel Mystery - Betty Cavanna. 1945.

Adorable cover (and dogs!) from an established quality author.

--------------

CHILDREN’S / MIDDLE GRADE

The Cloud Chamber - Joyce Maynard. 2005. The cover made me think of Under the Dome, and the MC immediately reminded me of Joe McAlister.

Terror at Bottle Creek - Watt Key. 2016. After rereading Fourmile, I got a hankering for more books I might be able to cast with the kids from Under the Dome, and figured more Watt Key + a thrilling survival adventure was the ticket for that.

Swampfire - Patricia Cecil Haas. 1973. One of approximately 100 unread vintage horse books I own at any given time; finally in mood because it was short and sweet.

Baby-sitting Is A Dangerous Job - Willo Davis Roberts. 1985. Reread a childhood favorite in order to give it a proper review on Goodreads.

In The Stone Circle - Elizabeth Cody Kimmel. 1998. Same as above.

Wild Spirits - Rosa Jordan. 2010. Clearly the "Kat & Tommy take Justin under their wing" Power Rangers AU of which I have always dreamed, in my very favorite version of it: the one where Kat surrounds herself with animals.

Claudia - Barbara Wallace. 1969. Picked up cheap at a book sale, standard cute vintage Scholastic about a girl and her school life. Comfort food.

Reasons to be Happy - Katrina Kittle. 2011. The cover and the 5 reasons excerpted in the summary were so cute that I wanted to know what more of the reasons were.

Dark Horse Barnaby - Marjorie Reynolds. 1967. Needed a quick read and I'll p. much read any vintage horse book.

Runaway - Dandi Daley Mackall. 2008. Start of a companion series to my beloved Winnie the Horse Gentler, featuring some favorite themes: foster care + animal rescue.

Wolf Wilder - Katherine Rundell. 2015. Pretty cover, girl protagonist, historical Russian setting, wolves. All good things!

Backwater - Joan Bauer. 1999. Sounded like a beautifully tranquil setting.

The Dingle Ridge Fox and Other Stories - Sam Savitt. 1978. Animal stories + author love = automatic win.

If Wishes Were Horses - Jean Slaughter Doty. 1984. Overdue reread of a childhood favorite because I needed some short books to finish the reading challenge.

-------------

NONFICTION

Junk: Digging Through America's Love Affair with Stuff - Alison Stewart. 2016. I mean, I am definitely an American who has a love affair with stuff.

Keeping Watch: 30 Sheep, 24 Rabbits, 2 Llamas, 1 Alpaca, and a Shepherdess with a Day Job - Kathryn Sletto. 2010.

As soon as I saw my favorite fluffy creature on the cover, I felt an immediate need to transport myself into this (dream) hobby farm setting.

(Side note: this is probably the lowest amount of nonfiction I have read in 1 year for a decade, but I was just so busy hunting down specific types of stories that I could not get distracted by random learning.)

#why I read #quality data #queued

[gabzep]

Betrayal Outtake

Darius POV

When he first saw Peeta sitting at Sae’s stall he was curious as to why the baker boy was here, at the hob of all places.  One would think Peeta would have gone into hiding because of the nasty rumors going around regarding him, Delly and Thom.  But after Peeta told everyone what Delly had done to him they all felt sorry for the poor guy.  Life in the districts is hard enough without your own friends screwing you over. 

There’s really not much to do in district 12, so he reads when he’s not on duty.  That’s one thing he and Katniss have in common, books.  She gets them from Madge and his family will send him some from district 2 so they borrow from each other.  Afterwards they’d get together at Sae’s stall and share their opinions about the characters, what they liked or dislike and so on.  They are like their own little book club, members 2.  It still doesn’t stop Sae from throwing her opinion in every now and then.  So what happen to Peeta actually reminded him of a book they had read ‘Wolf’ something.  It was a college campus murder mystery.  The main girl was drugged twice but unlike Peeta she had friends that kept an eye out for each other.

This is not good he hadn’t heard of anything like this happening here before and he didn’t what anyone to get the idea that this was ok.  He needs to talk to Cray to see if they can charge Delly with something.  He heads over to Cray’s house and hopes he isn’t entertaining a guest.  He thinks it disgusting that Cray and some of the other Peacekeepers take advantage of the poor seam and on occasion merchant women desperate for money to keep their families going.  It’s nothing he could do about it; he’s heard this has been going on for decades.  Some even said it was worst in this district before Cray.  He knocks on the door.

“What do you want?” Cray yells as he opens the door.

He tells Cray about Delly drugging Peeta and the possible impact on the rest of the district if others decide to pull the same stunt. 

“Huh, sounds to me that idiot Delly slipped some sleep syrup in the white liquor.  It’s strong enough to mask the sweetness of the syrup.  Morphling wouldn’t have knocked him out after 3 drinks.  He’d be high but still awake.  Nothing we can do about it unless we trump up something else to charge her with.  Besides no one died or was physically hurt” said Cray.  He is about to disagree when Cray continues.  “Look, if we officially do something it will have to be reported.  I would have to include where and when it happened, every detail of that party that the kids had in that empty Victor’s House, which is illegal and would be seen as an 'organized meeting'.  Which to the Capitol that ‘meeting’ would be a more important” Cray said.

He goes on to explain that it’s better for district twelve that the Capitol ignores them and the best way to do that is by not bring in any attention to it.  Before he had taken over the head peacekeeper back then was vicious, there were plenty of hangings or executions by firing squad, daily whippings, and the stocks were always full.  It took a long time to get it to where it is today.  Reporting the people that died of starvation as executions, disabling the cameras, overlooking offenses such as Gale, Katniss and now Rory’s poaching along with the house parties the merchant kids have in the Victors Village.  Trying to prevent ‘mining accidents’ by not reporting the rebellious talk that he knows is going on down there.  He also mentions the unrest that has lead to uprising from districts 11 and 8 which has gotten worse since the 74th hunger games.

“We need to keep our heads down.  And I’m not about to whip or throw a teenage girl, who just had a baby two weeks ago into the stocks.” Cray concludes. “The paperwork alone isn’t worth it.”

“It doesn’t have to be official.  We need to do something to remind her and others in the district that this will not be tolerated.  We’ll hit them where it hurts the most, the business” He says.  He can’t let it go.  Katniss is his friend and she and Peeta suffered from Delly’s selfishness.  

“As long as you don’t burn it down I’ll look the other way” Cray said as he slams the door in his face.

He leaves Cray’s and heads off to find Peeta’s brother Rye.

Rye POV

He watches as Peeta hurry’s out of the bakery backpack over his shoulder, nervous but hopeful.  He wonders if Katniss will give Peeta a second change or will she be too stubborn to even let him explain? 

They had all been surprised she had given him a chance in the first place.  She always came off as surly and indifferent but once they got to know her, she was not so bad, sarcastically funny even, which he could appreciate.  She also managed to win over mom but maybe that had something to do with the fact that Katniss kept them well stocked with fresh game and not just squirrels but also turkey, geese and on occasion deer.  Mom started selling meat pies that became a big hit with the peacekeepers and their profits went up something they’d never have been able to do with the expensive butcher meat.   Of course Peeta always gave Katniss the best of the bakery fresh bread, cheese buns and cookies for Prim. 

Then everything went to hell.  “Delly” he snarls, just saying the name brings a bad taste to his mouth.  Who in the world does something like that to someone?  Bitch.

He feels guilty too.  He was too high that night to notice what was happening and to stop it somehow.  All he can vaguely recall was Katniss running out with a devastated look on her face.   Madge told him everything will work out just to give it time.

But he can’t.  He still remembers when Peeta came over after he heard about Katniss and Darius.  He was heartbroken, drinking himself sick.  Crying helplessly because he had happiness in the palm of his hands and it slipped away.  Raging that he’d always be tied to that harpy, how he couldn’t stand Delly.  He will never be happy again and how he wished he were dead. 

After that he took away Peeta’s liquor.  Helped him sober up.  Made him promise he wouldn’t hurt himself.  He looks at his broken brother, this is not the Peeta he knows. His brother was kind and selfless.  Out of the three brothers he is the best one. Now he was quick to anger, snapping at everyone for everything.  Delly caused this and he was going to make her pay.

He didn’t mention it to Peeta.  Didn’t want to distract him from his goal to win Katniss back, but he had run into Darius yesterday on the way to the hob.  They came up with a plan and they were to meet at the Victors Village tonight and to bring anyone that wanted to help.  He recruited his older brother Bannock, his girlfriend Madge and his best friend Conor.  He doesn’t know who Darius will ask but he has a pretty good idea.

The minute his shift is over he hurries upstairs to his room changes into dark clothes, grabs the general store shopping bag and rushes down the stairs, the contents in his bag clanking. “Later Pops” he calls out as he runs out the door. He’s to swing by Conor’s house first and rolls his eyes when catches sight of May, Conor’s girlfriend and her brother Mark who are all dressed in black too. 

“Peeta’s our friend too” is all Mark said.

He hands Conor the bag, “Fine, go on ahead; I’ll meet you all there, its house #4.”  Same thing happens when he reaches Bannock’s house and spots him with his two buddies.  He’s not sure if they are here to support Peeta or to relive the glory days of their youth.  He sends them up ahead too.  They can’t all be seen together, ‘Organized Meeting’ and all that.  He wonders what Darius will say with all the people showing up. 

His last stop was Madge’s; at least she didn’t have anyone with her since Katniss is her best friend.  Madge had told him how Katniss had opened up to her more once she started dating Peeta.  She was teaching Katniss the piano and Katniss would take Madge out into the woods and show her how to shoot.  That’s how he met Madge through Katniss. 

He’s in shock when they arrive in Victor’s Village house #4, where the hell did all these people come from, he spots Purnia along with a couple of peacekeepers he recognizes.  There’s Gale with a few of his crew members, Bristol is one of them and the others he vaguely remembers from school.   Rory, Vick and Prim, he can’t believe she’s here to.  Well make sense, since it was her sister that got screwed over too.  

What the hell is that smell?  It makes him gag and he puts a hand over his nose and mouth to try and block out the stench.  It smells like shit and piss, that’s when he notices the bucket by Prim and then it clicks.  Oh hell yeah! Why didn’t he think about that? They walk over to Prim; he has to hear about this. 

“Who’s brilliant idea was this” he points at the bucket.

“Prim’s” said Rory

“Its animal dropping I mix up to make fertilizer for our medicinal plant garden” Prim explains.

“And the piss” I ask.

Rory and Vick groan, hands on their stomachs.  “I’m never going to drink water ever again” said Vick. 

He guffaws, note to self ‘never piss Prim off.’

Prim hands Madge some gloves so she can help them funnel the shit and piss concoction into balloons.  Better Madge than him, he thinks.  He sees Bannock and Conor doing the same with a bucket for orange paint.  He walks over to Darius who’s talking to Haymitch.  

“Is that what Cray told you.  I can see him wanting to take the credit but it’s actually Mayor Undersee’s doing.  Cray just goes along with it; he’s drunk off his ass most of the time.  Still works in our favor. “   Haymitch says.  Just then Darius turns and catches sight of him.

“Glad you can join us Rye” said Darius.

Once all the balloons are done he and Darius start to organize everyone into groups.  They are going to hit the shoe shop in two waves.  First with the cans of black spray paint he purchased and the next with the balloons of paint and shit.  They have to be fast with the balloons because they will defiantly make noise with they hit the window and walls.  Gale, Bristol, Bannock and his buddies pick the shit balloons, totally exited, yep glory days.  Vick, Rory and the girls get the paint ones.  The rest of the group will do the spray paint.  It’s pretty late so there shouldn’t be anyone out at this time but Purnia and the other peacekeepers are to be the look outs and redirect people away for the shop if needed.

They make their way to the shop as quietly as they can.  Darius had told them not to be to profane, kids will be reading them too.  Fuck that, he’s going to paint every expletive he can think of.  They reach the shop and get to work.

Unlike the walls that can easily be painted over to cover the writing.  He chooses the window it will have to be either replaced or they will have to scrape the words off.

“Really Rye” Darius whispers “Rapist”

“What?” he whispers back “Let’s call it what it is.  It’s what you’re trying to prevent isn’t it”

Darius just gives him a look and continues spray painting ‘Peeta was drugged ‘and then ‘watch your drinks’

“Fine” he says and sprays the word ‘attempted’ right above it.  Darius just smiles and shakes his head.

Once that’s done the rest circle the shop each setting a pile of balloons at their feet.  Darius gives the signal and they start to throw.  Half way through, the girls start to giggle and the guys try to stifle their laughs.  It’s no good he, Darius and the others go and help them out to finish faster not caring where the balloons land.  They’re about done when all of a sudden the lights to the shop turn on.  They all scatter, laughing away as they head back to their homes. 

In the morning he’s leaning up against the bakery door, his dad right behind him looking across the way to the shoe shop.   Mr and Mrs Cartwright, Delly’s brother Devin and Delly are working away trying to clean up what that can.  There are several groups of people, seam and merchants standing around pointing and reading the words that had been written.

“You have anything to do with that” his dad asks.  He just shrugs his shoulders.  Delly looks his way and he reaches into his apron pocket and pulls out a can for black spray paints a little and wiggles it.  She quickly looks away.  That right bitch that’s what happens when you mess with my family he thinks before heading back inside.

Wolf: A Jessica James  Mystery by Kelly Oliver

#betrayal #everlark

[prinzenhasserin]

Fandom5K 2018

Dear Writer!

I had so much fun doing this exchange last year, and please don’t feel obligated to use my prompts. This letter is just in case you might want to poke at some more of my likes. Generally, I’m open to a lot, and will be happy with any rating from gen to explicit.

My AO3 account is here. My prompts are pretty ridiculous in places. That’s just how my mind works! Feel free to play them entirely straight, or subvert them to your hearts desire. I’m not so much a fan of darkfic, exceptions apply for hopeful/happy resolutions.

Feel also free to include other characters or OCs as side-characters, if they are necessary because of plot reasons. ❤️

(If this letter cribs a lot from my other letters, it’s because I’m lazy, and my likes don’t change around that much :D You can find some of my other letters under the exchange letter tag. I hope you have fun creating!)

Likes:

loyalty

odd couples!

found family, dysfunctional families that nevertheless love each other

historical stories for same-sex pairings that aren't unhappy but that fit with the society of the time (so like, spinster ladies living together; bachelors-for-life); I also like homophobia-free societies!

cultural differences! age differences! height differences!

heists, rescue missions

character driven narratives

dragons, fairy tales, magical realism, urban fantasy

Space AUs

competent characters

people not realising they’re the most competent at their job/hobby

people failing their way to success

happy endings, earning your happy ending, open yet hopeful endings

cynical humour

mutual pining

everything is better in suits, corsetry, fancy dresses

crossdressing

Identity shenanigans (secret identities, mistaken identities)

Blatant Lies

Enemies becoming friends and/or lovers

outsider POV

epistolary, poetry, unusual narrative formats

orange/blue morality (that is, not entirely human morality); grey/grey morality

non-verbal expressions of affection

Kinks I’m always down for:

wall sex

shifting power dynamics

semi-public sex

lots of foreplay, drawn out orgasms, edging

desperate sex, drunk sex, we-just-can’t-help-it!sex, sex for life-affirming

sex toys

sex toys in public (though I get embarrassed if someone else notices)

DNWs:

infidelity in mentioned pairings

suicide

permanent character death

Yuri!!!on Ice

Pairing: Lilia Baranovskaya/Okukawa Minako

Freeform Tags: Getting Together, Established Relationship, Interpersonal Drama, Smut, Character Development

How do these two know each other? Did they meet when Minako was a shining new ingenue? Did Lilia feel like her position was threatened, or did she teach her replacement? Was Minako perhaps the reason for Lilia/Yakov's divorce, or was she perhaps Lilia's rebound? (I would love if there was a presence of time and place in this, if the characters background would be a strong drive for whatever they are doing, but PWP would be great too)

…they are my favourite pairing coming from Yuri!!! on Ice, because they seem so utterly competent, and have amazing life journeys, and yet they are only hinted at in the series.

I know I don’t want infidelity, except here I wouldn’t mind if Lilia and Yakov are married still (they could be separated, or just in an open relationship, or on their way to get a divorce, too)

Minako seducing an older, more experienced Lilia? Lilia seducing her bright-eyed ingenue

Minako and Lilia competing for the same roles, and admiring each other’s techniques without being able to admit it.

Or, during canon, applying their rivalry indirectly by competing with their skaters?

Les Trois Mousquetaires | The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas

Pairing: d’Artagnan/Athos; d’Artagnan/Jussac

Freeforms: Action/Adventure, Getting Together, Canon-Style Plot, AU - Canon Divergence, Fix-it fic

d’Artagnan/Athos

d'Artagnan pays so much attention to Athos, and his many swings of temperament, and he has such a crush on him! It's hard to tell if he wants to be him, or bang him, and I really really want the latter. When Athos says, he's sworn off of women, what he means, he's only interested in men, right? right? that is to say, I'd love canon divergence, where they end up together (and please, with the possibility of longterm happiness) If you want to set this before Milady's appearance, sure! If you want to set this after Milady's appearance, I would love to see the dramatic fallout of Milady flirting with d'Artagnan, or hurt/comfort after Athos kills his wife the second time.

Treville makes them root out the Cardinal’s spies out of his ranks! They have to spend a lot of time close together; or Treville makes them go on duty together, because Athos is very experienced, and that’s not the only thing he’s experienced with ;)

d’Artagnan needs help managing the estate the King grants him, and Athos lends a helping hand 

I like a good helping about catholic guilt, but not just specifically about homosexuality. 

d’Artagnan/Jussac

Then, there's also Jussac--and their rivalry is set up so well! The longstanding Cardinal's Guard against the new impulsive Musketeer? Perfection. And then Jussac disappears, and it made me so sad. So, rival hate!sex? Are they assigned to protect someone and have to arrange themselves with each other? Are they banding together for a greater enemy? Is one of them blackmailed for their sexuality, and they can only go to the other for help, because nobody is going to believe the gossip they have about the other? I'd prefer if the blackmail doesn't put emphasis on homophobia, just that the sexual behaviour was not socially acceptable.

They are wooing the same mistress. Because of reasons, they have to hide in her closet together, and the only reasonable recourse of action is banging each other. 

Foiling an assassination attempt? getting imprisoned together, because they duelled in public?

I'd also be game for a total AU! But please preserve the general fucked up character dynamics, because they are what I like about this canon.

Gokusen (Manga)

Pairing: Sawada Shin/Yamaguchi Kumiko

Freeforms: Canon-Style Plot, Humor, Mystery/Procedural, Smut, Slice of Life

I want to see Yankumi/Shin as a couple so badly--and I would like to see how they interact with the world. Will Shin become a Yakuza member to oppose his father? Will Yankumi be accused of using the highschool as a Yakuza front? Will she still call Shin to come and help her beat up people when he's a fancy lawyer? How will the other groups react to Yamaguchi's boy toy?

How does Shin convince Yankumi to have sex with him? (A wonderful fic I got was with plenty of bad yakuza movies, which :D :D :D but I am always open for more! Maybe Shin speaks to Kumiko’s competitive spirit? Maybe he asks her to spite the police commissioner, by doing it in his house? Maybe there is some heavy kissing because they are trying to escape thugs/police/Kumiko’s students?)  Is he getting kidnapped left and right before they actually get together because all and sundry already think they’ve been doing each other for years?

If they are already in an established relationship, how does Shin deal with Yankumi’s students (especially when one of them develops a crush)?

I’d be also super interested to see how other people view their relationship, like Shin’s father, Kumiko’s grandfather, the other yakuza groups, her students– or simply Kumiko and Shin setting out to fight an up-and-coming group of delinquents, rescuing kittens, or Shirokin, from an overzealous school commissioner?

I have no problems about depicting violence, or graphic criminal activities, but please no major crimes involving children.

Crossover Fandom

Pairings:  Elle Woods (Legally Blonde)/Cher Horowitz (Clueless); Jane Marple (Miss Marple)/Phryne Fischer (Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries); John Constantine (Hellblazer)/Severus Snape (Harry Potter)

Freeforms: Canon-Style Plot, Mystery/Procedural, Smut

Elle Woods/Cher Horowitz

I imagine them meeting at a charity dinner, wearing the same dress and insisting that the other wears it better. Or through a sorority donation drive, where Elle lets her car get washed by girls in Bikini, and then they start flirting. Or, if you want to use the other Legally Blonde movie--how about Elle Woods running for Senate, and meeting Cher during a workshop for foreign policy? I'd love to see either one of them running for office, too.

I am here for all the tropes: does one of them have an ex who invited them to their wedding, and they really need a date? high school reunion? stranger at a bar? 

Also excellent would be: Elle does criminal law, Cher is in charity work, and they need to solve this embezzlement case.

But I’m also here for the porn, because that would also be amazing. Or like, buying a house together. Getting married. Deciding to adopt a puppy together.

Jane Marple/Phryne Fisher

Do they meet during the war? We know Phryne was an ambulance driver, but maybe Jane's code division was a euphemism for spy work, and Phryne has to get her across enemy terrain? Would also love a story later in their lives, where they visit each other to solve murders and gossip about life.

teaming up to solve a murder!

teaming up to drive a poor inspector up the wall

teaming up during the war, codebreaking! and seeking comfort with each other

they went to girl’s school together, and now have to relive old glory days!

definitely here for Phryne and Jane being each other’s lesbian experience

John Constantine/Severus Snape

It's a pairing with everything I ever wanted: So much inferiority complex wrapped in a shabby facade with too much bravado and not enough sense of when to back down, and they're both such delightful fuck-ups and it's glorious. I mean, this is definitely not the first evil person who John Constantine wanted to fuck, and it's nice that he sometimes helps out with the more structured magic. AU's are great, as long as they both keep their magic, and their general personality. Would also read a Severus-Snape-Lives!AU in which he's resurrected because the devil didn't want him, or whatever, or he goes to the US to hide with a more Legends of Tomorrow!Constantine. Basically, anything is good.

they’d be so glorious together! I’m here for all the fucked-up-ness this pairing can generate

hatesex? sex pollen? :D i hate repeating myself, but really, anything would be great; I’d love a AU in which John convinces Severus to not join the death eaters because they are all wankers anyway

or a AU in which Severus survives and joins John on madcap adventures trying to survive eldritchs horrors

or like, a one-night-stand that ends in Severus hearing the prophecy and defecting from Lord Voldemort

also, I’d love if they’d bonded up over their chavness, or something. really, anything would be great

Original Work

Freeforms: Smut, Getting Together, Mystery/Procedural, Action/Adventure, Humor

17th Century French King's Male Musketeer/17th Century French Cardinal's Male Guard

The Musketeer/Cardinal’s Guard request comes from my love of 'enemies to lovers' and 'love across enemy lines'. The real life feud between the two corps is a great premise for this! I'm more interested in the adventures they have. How do they resolve it? Do they end up getting new jobs, or succeed in ending the feud, or forever pretend to hate each other? 

(See also my prompts for d’Artagnan/Jussac for a more specific pairing of this dynamic!)

Some interesting prompts:

The King requests that they work together to... guard a diplomat? foil an assassination? root out some bandits?

They start wooing the same woman, but then it turns into some strange kind of one-up-manship, and then it turns into gay chicken, and then it turns into a proper relationship and when they retire they get a cottage in the woods somewhere

they hunt down the thief who stole the King’s jewels and happen to get into a storm. Luckily, there’s an inn not far from where they are, but when they get there, there’s only one bed...

Art Thief/Museum Curator

This is also an excellent request for enemies to lovers! Do they meet during a casing of the joint, all the while the museum curator thinks the art thief is just a normal art appreciator? Or the Thief becomes an art thief because the museum curator is bemoaning that more and more of the art disappears into private collections far away from the public eye?

I’m here for all the identity shenanigans! maybe the curator realises their new lover is a thief, and they deliberately talk about paintings that they’d like to see, and fake incredulity when they’re suddenly rediscovered?

fake dating that turns into real feelings?

I have no preference for gender combination! I’d love this dynamic absolutely anywhere, anytime. Singapore 2018? Paris 1940? New York 1920? Set in space? 

Or like, the museum curator finds them in the act of stealing, and is more upset about how they keep handling the priceless art than the actual stealing (it belongs to the jerkass major who cut funding for the arts, you see)

Master Thief/Put Upon Art Restorer Just Trying To Do Their Job FFS Steal This One Next Week

Basically, the same prompts as above apply! I’m very interested in this rivalry! How does it play out? Does the Thief only steal sanctioned paintings? Does the art restorer understand what kind of power they have?

Is the Thief trying to slowly seduce the art restorer by getting them “new” paintings to restore, and the art restorer is just... very done with this.

perhaps the thief keeps faking these very elaborate paintings, and aging them with all sorts of techniques, and the art restorer is just, like “why would you do this to art?”

Female Mobster/Woman Who Is Running Their Front As A Legitimate Business

I love the dynamic of scary person/person who is not afraid to talk shit about them -- and I can see the endless conflict there could be between the two of them. What is this Front? A restaurant? An orphanage? A charity organisation? Either one would be great, and need a lot of know-how, and the female Mobster can just suck it up and keep hauling in the crates, because they need this, dammit.

One gets kidnapped by rivals, and the other has to go in to save her

the mobster was just looking for someone to run the front-- they don’t need it to make any profit, since it’s just a front, but now it’s evolving into an actual business conglomerate, and all thanks to one woman--success is very attractive

Selkie Pirate Captain

Look, okay, I love Age of Sail, and I love fairytales. I just think the adventures of a pirate captain selkie could be super interesting!

Do they fret about the crew finding out about their secret? I’m very into found family tropes, and it would be very interesting to see how the crew reacts to the reveal. Perhaps they’ve known all along? And tried to protect their captain to the best of their abilities?

The best thing about selkie captains is that they are resistant to sirens, and they can always find the way home, in every storm

I’d read about them going treasure hunting! Or perhaps captain is after a Great White Whale and their life’s mission is to see it dead

would also read a shipfic! (heh)

#exchange letter #fandom5k letter

[fireandgloryrpg]

Congratulations Daniel and welcome! We’re so happy to accept your application to play Aldéric “Eric” Alexander Martin with the faceclaim of Dante Scott in Fire & Glory RPG! We can’t wait to begin roleplaying with you so please remember to look over our checklist!

Out of Character Information:

Name: Daniel

Pronouns: he/him

Age: 18, but my birthday is tomorrow (January 31) and I’ll be 19!!

Timezone: EST

Activity: I hope to be online a little every day! I’m a college student, so some days it’ll just be too much work, but I really want to stay active and will do my best to make time for an rp I care about. Hopefully a little bit every day!

Anything Else?: I’ve missed y’all so much and I still haven’t read the books.

Original Character Application:

Name: Aldéric “Eric” Alexander Martin

Age and Birthday: 18, January 2nd 2000

Faceclaim: Dante Scott first choice, Cameron Boyce second choice

Heritage: Son of Eris

ABILITIES:

Because of Eris’ connection to war, most children of Eris have violent powers. Eric, the son of a conman and the goddess of chaos, has powers more focused on non-violent confusion.

Like most demigods, Eric has ADHD and is dyslexic.

Eric has a passive ability of increased confusion, making those around him sooner believe something he says over other information. This ability is weak and is only truly effective if Eric is trying.

Like some other children of Eris, Eric is able to make a group chaotic, or to cause infighting. This is usually in the form of harsh words in his case than of actual fist-to-face fighting. This is a good defense and increases the ability to escape if need be. Only works on 2 or more people (no existential crises)

Eric only has one physical, fighting ability called a “storm of strife.” Everything within this usually small cloud will change, warp, or break. The size and the power depends on the energy put into it. The effect on humans/demigods has been a change of clothes, hair-color, and once a tattoo but nothing too devastating.

Affiliation: Eric is a Greek demigod and the son of a conman. It’s not in his best interest to be a part of any groups, and he was kicked out of the Fifth Cohort. Eric is now a former Fifth Cohort member and former citizen of Rome, an illegal Greek alien.

Headcanons:

Eric never liked the violent side of his mother’s lineage. He’s always been more a person of peace. In his life, though it has always been chaotic, he has always tried to center himself with sun salutations in the morning and moon salutations in the evening. His attempts to be centered have always failed, but something about doing them always make him feel a bit better.

Despite his attempts to surpass his lineage and not be chaotic, Eric has always been pretty chaotic. Always climbing out of his crib when he was little, tying his dad’s shoes together, breaking into the cookie jar for breakfast, small things like that when he was little. He’s a bit of a kleptomaniac, but he’s been careful to not let himself get into too much trouble.

Biography:

Aldéric Alexander Martin was left given to a very hungover Trevor Lorcan Wilson on January 2nd, 2000. Trevor was a conman, and Trevor was the sixth name he’d had in his life. He had little concept for responsibility, and when his son was given to him he was sleeping in the bed of a wealth man’s wife in their New York apartment. Trevor was busy stealing her husbands documents when the baby on the doorstep began to cry. Thus began Aldéric’s first impression of life: in the arms of a man running buck-ass-nude from the scene of a crime.

Life didn’t change much after that. Aldéric got new names, Ryan Kelly George Jim Geoffrey etc., and so did Trevor. Eric’s dad never did stop conning people, because now he had someone to provide for. Aldéric never had his own address to call home, but he always had somewhere to rest his head for the night. They went from New York to New Haven to Paris to LA to Vancouver to Singapore to London to Berlin, and then they did it all over again.

His dad was his best friend. Sometimes, most of the time, his only friend. They stuck together, Trevor teaching Aldéric everything he knew and Aldéric using his “charm” to get them out of sticky situations. It was perfect.

One day when he was 16, Aldéric woke up to the sound of his dad crying in the other room of their “rented” penthouse. Trevor, after a little prodding, confessed that he was tired and wanted to go home. Aldéric realized he didn’t know where home was for his father. After hours of talking about the life Trevor had given up, the two stole a car and sped off to Toronto.

Aldéric and Trevor were at his parents house in Toronto for 7 minutes and 43 seconds before his father, Aldéric’s grandfather, kicked them out because his son was a ‘dirty criminal’ he didn’t want to be associated with.

The two then went to (broke into) Trevor’s old high school. They got an entire day in Toronto before Trevor Wilson, whose real name was Leslie Harry Martin, was arrested. When the sirens started wailing, Aldéric’s father turned to him and told him where he could find a home - a camp far away from here. His mother would want him to go to her. Harry told his son to run and go find Eris.

Para Sample:

The front door banged behind them, punctuating the family reunion with a rather alarming note. Eric slowly reached in his pocket and pulled out two of the nearly twenty cookies he’d managed to sneak from his grandmother’s freshly made batch. He handed one to his dad and took a bit of his own.

“D’you know he was gonna boot us like that?” he said, mouth still full of cookie as he was shoving in another.

“Nope,” his dad replied, the popping ‘p’ spewing crumbs on the sidewalk.

They started walking away from his grandparents house in silence for a while, quietly passing cookies between them and thinking about the strange interaction they’d just had with the only family they had. They got maybe a block before Aldéric smirked and looked over at his dad. “So… Your name is Leslie?”

His dad laughed, the bellowing thing Aldéric had always loved hearing growing up, and turned to him with the same teasing smirk and shine in his eyes. “Well your name is Aldéric!”

“That’s your fault!”

The two broke into fits of giggles as they kept walking away from the people who rejected them, not needing anyone but each other as usual. His dad wrapped an arm around his son and tousled his hair lovingly. Eric always felt like it was the two of them against the word, and today was no different. He wasn’t stupid, he knew his grandfather was going to call the police on his father in order to save his own hyde. This was his last few hours with his dad. He knew that, but together they still felt unstoppable.

The turned a corner and his dad laughed and stopped walking. “Hey, kid, how’d you like to see the inside of a real high school?” he said. Aldéric looked up and saw his dad’s eyes trained on a large brick building with hideous blue ascents. It looked a right mess, and his dad looked damn fond of it.

It didn’t take a lot of effort to break in since his dad knew that the back service entrance door was usually propped. The two wandered the halls and his dad relived the glory days while Aldéric held onto every word. His dad didn’t seem to be very different in high school. Same free spirit, same trickster ways. The difference was he had someplace to go home to. He had an affection for this place that Aldéric had only gotten glimpses of as they moved away from city to city.

The pair walked by a display case of prom courts and Aldéric stopped and stared. The people in the black and white photographs seemed kind of happy. They at least seemed like they were trying to be happy. He found the picture of his dad’s year and spotted a horrible mullet on the far left. “Pft - dad is that you?” His dad grinned and nodded. Aldéric pointed to the girl on his arm. “Is that mom?”

He knew it was a risky question. His dad never talked about her. Every time she came up, his dad got a far off look in his eye like he was trying to remember a dream. His dad smiled and shook his head. “No. Your mom, she was much prettier than Georgia Moody. I, uh,” he rubbed the back of his neck in a shy, reserved type of way that was uncharacteristic for the charmer, “she was -”

The pair spun around as they heard a heavy door slam hallways away and many boot-clad feet start to rush to where they were. Aldéric’s father turned to him and held both of his shoulders, looking him deep in the eye with a panic and certainty that didn’t mix well. “Listen to me. There’s a place in America you can go. It’s a camp or some shit, far west. Your mom, she has people there that can help you. Now you’ve gotta get out of here, okay? Run and don’t ever look back do you hear me? And don’t you dare stay in one place for more than a day until you get to that camp.” Aldéric stared at him in stunned silence and even when his father’s hands went off his shoulders, he didn’t move. He stood there stuttering, confused and feeling truly alone for the first time in his life. His dad spun around and opened a fire exit near them, sending the alarms blaring. “Go, Aldéric! Now!”

#LITTLE BROTHER FOR THE KARAVADRAS WOO #accepted #Alderic Martin #Eric Martin

[samanthabreedlove-blog]

FUCK Tampa. (part 2)

The bones of St. Pete have a lot character-- one might describe the architecture throughout as charming; the roads layout as a grid with Streets running east to west and Avenues south to north. The east side hits the waterfront where the piers reside, and to the far west are the beaches. From waterfront to beach is maybe about 20 miles, but downtown to the Grand Central District at 16th street is an easy walking distance. Everyone knows everyone in the scene, and for the most part everyone gets along. There are occasional minor spouts of drama, sure, but in general we’re united for good against our common enemy: ‘the Man’, Nazis, and anyone from Tampa.

Surrounding downtown are 15 distinctly historic neighborhoods fanning out on either side from Central Avenue, which divides the city down the middle into north and south. There’s Old Northeast, Roser Park, Jungle Prada, Crescent Lake and Snell Isle among others. Each whimsical neighborhood has a unique pulse, comprised of colorful craftsman houses, sprawling spanish style mansions with terracotta clay roofs, or little bungalows like my house in Historic Kenwood.

I purchased my house in 2004, a tiny pink tudor style built in 1941, with white shutters and a pointy grey roof located on 9th Avenue North at 28th Street. Originally constructed as vacation homes for snowbirds, little homes like this are super common in Kenwood. Inside my bungalow there are two teeny bedrooms on either side of the living room, dark hardwood floors throughout, and checkered ceramic tile in the kitchen. The bathroom’s shower faucet was dysfunctional, requiring a pipe wrench to turn the water on but in the five years I lived there, I never got around to fixing it. One winter we turned the Florida room in the front of the house into a makeshift bedroom where Faith lived before she got knocked up with her first baby Juliet.

My house becomes the hub for so many epic house parties; a revolving cast of roommates and couch crashers. An orphanage for wayward drunk girls and boys, at some point or another just about everyone close to me has lived there. The backyard, about 4 times the size of the house itself had a chain-length fence running the parameter so all my neighbors could witness the debauchery in real-time. The garage was separate. Early on, I turn this shed into a studio work space but eventually rent it out to a handful of people over the years who need a place to live despite the fact that the garage isn’t exactly what you’d call livable-- no bathroom, a/c or ceiling.  

In the summertime, my backyard has a kitty pool, a slip-n-slide and a constant keg of Yuengling. I’d mow the lawn only after the City gave notice of an impending fine, so the yard was always overrun with grass up past your knees. Here I lived until 2009. During these years, my little pink house will go down in history as one of the great party houses this side of the Bay, the last of which saw three kegs killed. A local metal band played a show that night in my garage, their mosh pit busted a huge hole in the drywall and some assholes started an uncontrolled fire in the alley. The cops came to break it up but we still had people sleeping on couches hauled out into the backyard come morning amid the hundreds of red solo cups littered across my lawn.

But, I am not technically from there-- my closest friends and I did not grown up in St. Pete proper, a fact which sets us apart. We remain “new kids” to the scene for years, in contrast to the original crew of rabble-rousers-- generations upon generations of brothers and little sisters indoctrinated to punk from a young age who’d been kicking it together causing trouble and setting dumpsters on fire since they were prepubescent.

Quinn, Emily, Carolyn, Alex, Diane and I are all originally from Seminole, a suburban enclave to the Northwest. Seminole is a “good” area, which just meant that any crime occurring was happening behind closed doors. In Seminole there are residential neighborhoods with names like Bay Haven, Imperial Point, or Rustic Pines, and tract homes that span for miles. Our local mall was desolate-- anchored by a depressing food court and a K-Mart, frequented only by the residents of a neighboring nursing home who would sit on benches all day staring out into the nothing. On the main boulevard is the only restaurant in town, Joto’s, a “family friendly” pizza joint where suburban moms and dads would hang out amid the local high school jocks, reliving  glory days over bud lights, televised football games and greasy food.

Anna grew up in nearby Pinellas Park, just to the east, best known for biker bars, white-trash trailer parks and an enduring meth epidemic. Anna lived in Seminole with her grandparents the years she attended middle school due to instabilities with her mom, stepdad and their ever-relapsing drug addictions. We met Anna back then but didn’t become good friends until years later when Emily and Anna will unknowingly be sleeping with the same guy. When the truth broke, they decided they liked one other better than they liked him anyway, and have been best friends ever since.

Quinn, Emily, Alex and I are Seminole High School class of 2002. Angsty outcasts, the rest of the school was all Abercrombie & Fitch; way too enthusiastic about attending and participating in sports related activities, pop music and having nice cars-- the four of us did not fit in. Surviving a fairly sheltered, very boring adolescence, our summer days were spent hanging out on John’s Pass-- an old fisherman’s wharf on the Gulf of Mexico where we would play board games or read books at a coffee shop located on the far East end of the docks. After nightfall we would hang out under a bridge where skater punks would use the uneven cement to facilitate flip tricks. While we’d watch them skate, they’d tell stories, cultivating for us an alluring mythology of downtown St. Pete: tales of out-of-control shows at State Theater and the Refugee a mission/music venue that fed the homeless population. The Refugee was run by a new-agey Christian man who fancied himself akin to a modern Jesus-- all walks were always welcome there.

There was the C.O.R.E., a radical bookstore on the far southside of town where you could buy extremist literature (even things that were government banned like the Anarchist’s Cookbook, prominently displayed on racks towards the front). They skaters would speak of long nights spent drinking quarts of malt liquor on dirty beach just east of the pier where you could look out across the Bay and watch the bright lights of Tampa on the other side.

The Globe had the best nachos. A buck would get you a cup of coffee, 50 cents more buys a few refills and because the Globe was open until 4am, it was an excellent place to stay out all night when your parents thought you were staying at a friends house. Josh Sullivan always worked the front counter, and was the coolest. Josh really loved ska music so he’d dance whenever it played on the stereo. He had a cat named Slap that he’d walk on a leash, and was the creator of JoshComics, an iconic local zine.

At the age of 17, we venture beyond the beaches and onto the streets of downtown. Overnight we go from good suburban girls to drinking Mickey’s at punk houses-- making out with older guys in studded jackets, bullet belts, mohawks and too many facial piercings. In 2002, when we turned 18, Quinn, Emily, and Alex all move into a house on 26th Street and 4th Avenue. I secure an apartment at 5th and 5th right next to the Coliseum. Soon after, Anna will move into a ground floor apartment in my complex. On Saturdays when she isn’t working, Anna and I will smoke pot on her big blue couch by the window discussing our plans-- when and how we will escape Florida; who was working that night at World Liquors, and if they would sell to us.

#januaryscribe #floridafiction #florida

[junker-town]

The 30 best ‘NBA on NBC’ intros

Relive the glory of basketball nostalgia with these old ‘NBA on NBC’ intros.

The 12-year run of the NBA on NBC is mostly beloved for John Tesh’s iconic “Roundball Rock” musical intro, which just so happens to be my ringtone. But I will always cherish it because of the network’s soaring introduction monologues to its big games, which transmitted the viewer inside a piece of art with intense moods and high stakes.

Basketball wasn’t better in the ‘90s than it is today, not by a longshot. But I do think it was sold far more effectively, with the kind of visual and thematic care that made the key figures larger than life. I wish the league’s current television partners tried harder to mimic the scale and grandeur of NBC’s work.

Luckily, YouTube offers us the chance to look back on the days where playoff games really felt like epic dramas. I found more than 150 available on the internet and collected them in a playlist you can find here.

While you watch that, let me show you my 30 favorites. Let me know if you think I overranked, underranked, or missed any from this glorious era.

(All the titles were made up by me).

30. “First Round”

Timberwolves at Sonics 1998 First-Round Game 5 Bob Costas

I love the timing of this one. George Karl’s deep breath sets the mood before any narration is needed, and the multiple Gary Payton still shots capture the incredulousness of Seattle’s first-round demons. Costas’ closing line – “Maybe too often” – is delivered perfectly.

29. “Lil’ Penny is Ready”

Magic at Bulls 1996 East Finals Game 1 Chris Rock

No NBA on NBC list is complete without including this one, even if it’s gimmick’y and the narration doesn’t age well.

28. “Teacher and Pupil”

Heat at Knicks 1997 East Semifinals Game 3 Tom Hammond

This was the first of many NBC introductions for brutal Heat-Knicks playoff games, so it’s neat to look back and remember the larger context before it was obscured by all the fighting. Teacher vs. pupil framed the two teams beautifully, especially because the teacher-pupil relationship was flipped on the court. The music makes me feel like I’m at a graduation ceremony, and Hammond leans into the theme with his word choices — “protege,” “taught their former coach a lesson,” “school was out,” “pass the test.”

27. “The Second Season”

Pacers at Knicks 1994 East Finals Game 7 Bob Costas

The highest points of this intro rival anything NBC has put together. The rapid tone change before Game 5. The drumbeat as John Starks violently high-fives Spike Lee. The final line — “48 minutes from what they were merely expected to do.” Those moments give me chills. But I docked this one for all the fluff it took to reach those high beats. If NBC had an Achilles heel, it was the length of some of their intros. This one was nearly two minutes long, which is a bit much.

26. “Stalemate”

Blazers at Lakers 2000 West Finals Game 7 Bob Costas

As much as I love the openings that center around a specific theme, sometimes it’s better to simply run through the key protagonists and what’s at stake for each. Costas does so comprehensively in this one, illustrating the wide-ranging set of characters in what proved to be a memorable series.

25. “Something to savor”

Knicks at Bulls 1998 NBA Regular Season Bob Costas

Did I only include this one because of the early release of ESPN’s 10-part The Last Dance documentary. Yeah, probably.

24. “Not Like This”

Knicks at Bulls 1993 East Finals Game 6 Marv Albert

I loved two things about this video. One was the close-up picture of a hoop as Albert narrates Charles Smith’s three blown bunnies. Talk about vivid imagery. The second: the melancholy feel of the music, combined with Pat Riley stuttering with doubt as he tries to sell the public on this being the Knicks’ “defining moment.” It’s as if NBC knew New York would never be the same after Game 5.

23. “Right Now”

Bulls at Knicks 1993 East Finals Game 1 Marv Albert

Van Halen’s “Right Now” was (and still is) a popular song choice for a pump-up video, one NBC used a few times too over the years. But it works perfectly for this video because it fits the overall theme while simultaneously allowing NBC to visually speed up the entire season before reaching the climax we all knew was coming.

22. “Desperation”

Sonics at Rockets 1997 West Semifinals Game 7 Greg Gumbel

Gumbel deserved more chances to narrate these introduction videos. He had a way of putting his own spin on common themes, expertly using language that others wouldn’t. Seattle didn’t just fall behind Houston, they “teetered on the edge.” They didn’t just win all their elimination games, they “persevered.” The sentence structure that both conveys Houston’s history facing long deficits and their history against these Sonics. We’ll hear more from Gumbel later on in this countdown.

21. “Another Time And Place”

Pistons at Knicks 1992 East Quarterfinals Game 2 Marv Albert

Albert’s narration tended to be super serious and at times over the top, so I enjoyed the goofy change of pace. I’m not sure the second half of this intro was necessary, though it did give us Dennis Rodman picking up a stray dog that wandered onto the Madison Square Garden court.

20. “The Year Of Sir Charles”

Suns at Sonics 1993 West Finals Game 6 Dick Enberg

It’s the little touches that make this video work. The patriotic music choice before leading with his gold medal. The split screen of Barkley deep in thought on one side and his accomplishments flashing on the other. Enberg’s repeated use of Barkley’s full name. This intro underscores how much care was actually put into these introductions.

19. “I Wanna Take You On A Rollercoaster”

Pacers at Knicks 1999 East Finals Game 6 Tom Hammond

18. “The Ride of a Lifetime”

Magic at Rockets 1995 Finals Game 3 Marv Albert

These two videos show how NBC used the same theme — a rollercoaster ride — to convey very different emotional journeys. The Knicks’ rollercoaster was unplanned and filled with self-induced drama, so NBC chose Lunatic Calm’s “Leave You Far Behind,” a heart-pumping dance song that conveys raw, and at times misdirected, energy. Houston’s rollercoaster, on the other hand, was more of a fantasy story, so NBC chose a musical element that made the Rockets’ journey to the title seem like a quest. Both choices fit the teams perfectly and showed how the power of sports is that it provides singular variations of familiar story arcs.

17. “Michael vs. Sir Charles”

Bulls at Suns 1993 Finals Game 1 Bob Costas

This one’s on the list because NBC used the Jurassic Park theme song before the movie even came out. That is a baller move. But NBC also uses it brilliantly to paint the contrast between the classic success of Michael Jordan and the bumpier, rawer success of Barkley. Jordan’s section is narrated over the slower part of the song, while Barkley’s comes over the louder section. This was another example of NBC’s attention to detail.

16. “Big City vs. Small Town”

Jazz at Bulls 1997 NBA Finals Game 1 Marv Albert

In general, the 12 NBC openings for the two six-game Bulls-Jazz Finals series are a tad overrated in my book because they got a little too sappy. (I’m sure many of y’all like the post-Flu Game one, but it kinda makes me cringe). The best of the bunch is the first one because it wonderfully paints the contrast between the dominant incumbents from Chicago and the small-town underdogs from Utah.

15. “Big ‘Mo”

Blazers at Lakers 1991 West Finals Game 6 Dick Enberg

The music choice makes this entire video work. I feel like I’m in a murder mystery. Holy crap, this is tense.

14. “A Test of Faith”

Suns at Bulls 1993 Finals Game 4 Bob Costas

Sometimes, the less said the better. Game 3 of the 1993 NBA Finals — a triple-overtime thriller won by the visiting Suns, who had dropped the first two games at home — was such a weird event that it needed to be commemorated on its own. Costas knew he couldn’t say anything to properly sum it up. Thus, Bon Jovi’s “Keep The Faith” serves as the perfect backdrop.

13. “Little Brother”

Cavaliers at Bulls 1992 East Finals Game 5 Marv Albert

I’m not sure anyone really believed the Cavaliers would beat the Bulls in this series, even if they had knotted it up at two. It had the same feel that 2016’s Raptors-Cavaliers series had, where everyone knew who was going to win. But it was still noteworthy that the Cavaliers actually fought with pride, not unlike a boy who finally stood up to his big brother. Albert’s narration properly captures that sentiment while still conveying the reality that the Bulls were favored.

12. “Best Team Ever”

Bulls at Sonics 1996 Finals Game 4 Bob Costas

The glorification of Jordan’s jerk-ish leadership tendencies makes me a bit uncomfortable, but Costas rescues this with some of the most poetic narration of his great career. Everything after “they tower over all present competition” is right up there with the best any TV network has ever produced. (Imagine this wording, but with Kevin Durant’s switch to Golden State instead of Jordan’s return from retirement).

11. “Game 7”

Jazz at Sonics 1996 West Finals Game 7 Greg Gumbel

Gumble is his usual excellent self, but the music and camera work make this introduction feel epic. I love the musical contrast, which makes the small-market Jazz seem like underdogs and the fast-charging Sonics feel like they belong in a horror movie. The dissolves and fades to separate the different segments of the video underscore how each point is related to each other. Matching Gary Payton’s loud clap to the drum beat is a brilliant touch. All in all, this video provided real stakes to a matchup between two teams that nobody thought could beat the mighty Bulls.

10. “Vindication”

Magic at Rockets 1995 Finals Game 4 Bob Costas

If the Game 3 intro to these Finals felt like being taken on a fantasy quest, this one is the epilogue when Frodo and friends return to the Shire. In time, this has become the perfect appreciation of the Rockets’ mini-dynasty.

9. “The Tormenter”

Bulls vs. Knicks 1996 East Semifinals Game 3 Marv Albert

“The concept may be team. In reality, it’s the individual.” Whether intentional or not, Albert perfectly encapsulates decades of NBA marketing with those 10 words. From there, he made me feel so sorry for Patrick Ewing. How much must it suck for the official broadcast partner to promote a game by repeatedly dunking on you?

8. “One Game”

Pacers at Bulls 1998 East Finals Game 7 Bob Costas

Costas’ delivery here is perfect. The slow pacing. The repetition of “one game.” The mix between short sentences and longer ones. The twist at the end: Jordan’s section ends with “one game” instead of beginning with it, a clear signal to the viewer that he is the biggest story here. The script itself isn’t magical, but Costas’ voice makes it so. Chills.

7. “Agony”

Bulls at Magic 1996 East Finals Game 3 Marv Albert

Knowing what we know now, this feels a lot bigger than a video setting up a must-win Game 3 after losing two road games. Because of Shaquille O’Neal’s summer departure to the Lakers, it has become known as the last chance for Orlando to sustain a future dynasty. But the video also stands beautifully on its own, with well-executed music changes and a beautiful still of Penny Hardaway peering to his left as if he’s staring at a black-and-white image of Brian Hill’s final huddle of the previous year’s NBA Finals.

6. “Neither Right, Nor Fair”

Bulls at Blazers 1992 Finals Game 4 Bob Costas

Imagine this voiceover, but instead of it being about Clyde Drexler in 1992, it’s about Dirk Nowitzki in 2011. Same 2-1 deficit. Same history of postseason failures obscuring their greatness. Similar age range — Nowitzki was 32 and in his 13th season at the time. Similar caliber of competition: Drexler against Jordan, Nowitzki against James and Wade, though the former hadn’t won a title. It would have given any human the feels, especially knowing Nowitzki would persevere when Drexler didn’t. This was an incredibly powerful, yet empathetic way to convey the overwhelming pressure title-less all-time greats face before they win one.

5. “David vs. Goliath”

76ers at Lakers 2001 Finals Game 1 Marv Albert

I don’t know what’s better: the original version of this intro from the 2001 Finals or this brilliant remake for the first Curry-James, Warriors-Cavs Finals battle in 2015. Both are terrific, but I’m still partial to the original. David vs. Goliath fits the Iverson-O’Neal battle better, and there are a number of NBC’s typically brilliant little touches dotted through the video. For example, notice how the camera zooms to Iverson’s “The Answer” sleeve just after Albert’s “Who can stop this imposing force?” narration ends. What perfect timing.

4. “Worst Nightmare”

Bulls vs. Knicks 1993 East Finals Game 5 Marv Albert

Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap, holy crap. I feel like I’m about to start an apocalyptic movie where a supernatural demon has been set loose to torment the world. Jordan feels like Godzilla here after scoring 54 points to lead Chicago to a Game 4 win. My heart is still racing as I type this, even though I’ve already seen that video a thousand times. When does Game 5 start?

3. “Coronation”

Bulls at Suns 1993 Finals Game 6 Bob Costas

The 1993 Finals were really effin weird. The Suns entered as profound underdogs with one edge: They had home-court advantage. When they squandered that edge with two home losses, they looked done, but defied logic with a triple-overtime Game 3 victory. When Jordan dropped 55 on them in Game 4, they also looked done, but defied logic again by winning Game 5 on the road easily. It was inexplicable, a feeling Costas expertly captured in his opening monologue. There’s no way God actually was pulling the strings for the Suns … right? What other explanation existed? It was the ideal backdrop to a Game 6 that lived up to the billing with John Paxson’s last-second three.

2. “Two Dreams Collide”

Rockets at Suns 1995 West Semifinals Game 7 Greg Gumbel

Remember when I said that NBC’s only Achilles heel was that their introduction videos occasionally dragged on for too long? This one clocks in at a crisp 41 seconds, with no wasted words, images, or music. We have a saying at SB Nation: Sometimes, it’s just best to Say The Thing instead of getting cute. Gumbel says the damn thing bluntly — one dream will “die,” Barkley’s legacy is “hanging in the balance,” “the banner does not hang for Clyde Drexler.” In 41 seconds, I know exactly how big a game this really is. This is a nearly perfect piece of art.

1. “Being Mike”

Bulls at Lakers 1991 Finals Game 4 Michael Jordan

Twenty-nine years later, this reads like a poignant social commentary on the nature of celebrity, which has gripped our culture in new and unexpected ways. That it came before the release of Sam Smith’s landmark The Jordan Rules, before the burden of Being Mike led to Jordan retiring in his prime, before two returns to the fast life of basketball that consumed him, and before an awkward post-playing process that flipped his ruthlessness from a virtue to an anchor, is extraordinary. How the hell did Costas take one playoff performance and somehow capture the allure and pain of being a national icon like Jordan? It’s one of the most impressive feats I’ve ever seen.

[brightestandbest]

Notes on the Temptation of Christ

I re-read the accounts of Matthew and Luke of the Temptation of Christ recently, and several things struck me. Matthew and Luke’s versions of this event are nearly identical, so I am using Luke here for no particular reason. (Translation is King James, because it’s pretty, and in this case doesn’t disagree too significantly from versions often considered more accurate.)

This is just a quick sketch of my impressions and initial thoughts. 

First: On Satans 

One problem for me in the Bible is that when “Satan” or “the devil” is referenced, we don’t always know which satan is being spoken of. Satan means “obstacle” or “adversary,” and seemingly originally described a class of angels/spirits/demons who played a role of antagonizing, challenging and testing humanity. In other words, it was a noun more than a name, particularly in the Old Testament/Torah. 

Similarly there has been disagreement on the identity of the Serpent of Eden. He is not always identified with “the devil” or even “a devil”/“a satan.”

Being Luciferian, of course I identify the serpent with Lucifer, because the Promethean appeal of legend is what drew me to this path in the first place.

On the other hand, the satan in the Book of Job doesn’t seem particularly Luciferian in character-- he has more the flavor of Iblis, to me, with his desire to prove humans insufficient, their devotion lacking. Tellingly, the story of Job also appears in the Qu’ran. 

So one never necessarily knows which satan is being talked about in scripture. 

Sons of the Morning:

Lucifer, though, is a very specifically Christian character-- as a satan, anyway. (He obviously has pre-Christian antecedents and equivalents.) That’s one argument for him specifically being the co-star of this New Testament story. 

Co-star. Did you catch the pun? He and Christ are the two Biblical characters most often called “Morningstar” or “Son of the Morning.” In light of this (pun again intended) it’s tempting (whoops, another pun) to assume that Lucifer is the devil of this particular story. It appeals to our sense of drama-- the rebel son confronts the dutiful son, the two Morning Stars face off to see which burns more brightly. 

But analyzing the passage seems to give additional support to this assumption. In analyzing this devil’s actions, we are able to see the many of characteristics of Lucifer, and also poignant echoes of the story of his fall. 

The Temptation: 

4 And Jesus being full of the Holy Ghost returned from Jordan, and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness,

2 Being forty days tempted of the devil. And in those days he did eat nothing: and when they were ended, he afterward hungered.

3 And the devil said unto him, If thou be the Son of God, command this stone that it be made bread.

If there’s one thing Luciferians know, it’s that he wants us to deal with our own problems, by making use of the God within us. In the case of Christ, whose inner divinity was so powerful, I can easily imagine how frustrating Lucifer would find this display of learned helplessness. You have a problem-- you’re hungry. You have a solution-- your divine powers. Why not use them? To refrain makes little sense to Lucifer, or to Luciferians. 

4 And Jesus answered him, saying, It is written, That man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word of God.

But Christ is intensely committed to his humanity, particularly in this passage. He is focused on the limitations of his human body, which is after all made and destined to suffer on the cross. To alleviate his hunger now makes no sense to his mission.

I’ve encountered the theory--sadly, I can’t remember where at the moment-- that perhaps Lucifer was originally intended by God for the Christ role, or at least, for a place in the holy Trinity. Much more common is the theory that Lucifer wanted a place in the Trinity for himself, but was denied, leading to his rebellion (several references to this can be found in The Luminous Stone). I’m not particularly enamored of either of those theories, but I mention them because they are interesting in context.

5 And the devil, taking him up into an high mountain, shewed unto him all the kingdoms of the world in a moment of time.

6 And the devil said unto him, All this power will I give thee, and the glory of them: for that is delivered unto me; and to whomsoever I will I give it.

7 If thou therefore wilt worship me, all shall be thine.

8 And Jesus answered and said unto him, Get thee behind me, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve.

I have to admit I don’t have a lot of thoughts on this passage. It jars a little, because I am not used to Lucifer demanding worship-- although, let’s face it, if he was going to ask for worship from anyone, it would be the son of God! It’s the perfect punchline, after all! This reads to me almost like a throw-away on Lucifer’s part-- worth a try, too good to pass up. 

The most interesting part of this is the idea of Lucifer as the Lord of the World. I’ve never been of the school that he is eternally restrained in hell-- there are just too many scriptural references, like this, to him getting out and about. Certain passages of scripture arguably reference Lucifer being cast to Earth, not into hell (Isiah 14:12, Genesis 3:14, Ezekial 28:18). 

(Is Earth hell to an angel? Maybe it is Lucifer’s hell. But this is just speculation.) 

Now, are you sitting down? Because this, to me, is where it gets really good.

9 And he brought him to Jerusalem, and set him on a pinnacle of the temple, and said unto him, If thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down from hence:

10 For it is written, He shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee:

11 And in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone.

I actually laughed when I read this. 

Lucifer is daring Christ to take a fall! And he’s doing it by quoting a psalm. The devil knows his scripture! (And all Luciferians and Satanists certainly should, too! Ahem.)

But my god, the irony, the bitterness! Lucifer telling Christ that angels will bear him up. No angels came to his rescue when he fell. He is certainly reliving some very old pain here. 

Is he really daring Jesus to literally jump-- or is he confronting Christ with his own father’s cruelty in casting out his formerly beloved angel? Or both? 

What is the temptation here-- to jump, and test his father’s love? Or to consider the fall his brother took, and face his father’s cruelty?

And when Christ replies...

12 And Jesus answering said unto him, It is said, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God

...is he rebuking Lucifer to stop tempting him, as his Lord and God... or is he talking about the past, reminding Lucifer that he brought that fall on himself, by tempting and provoking God’s anger all those aeons ago? 

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